littlemic4

[littlemic4]

I've talked to someone, I will be trying to get a simple mobility aid like a cane. I just worry about my family finding it and not liking it

[littlemic4]

Idk........would i benefit from using mobility aids? Sure....but would i feel guilty and shamefully using them? Probably yeah.

I get fatigued easy now, my head buzzes a little and my legs get sorta stiff. Not to mention my heart racing. It may help me by giving something to lean on / ground myself in the moment [if that makes sense]

Plus it would probably help me from getting my moments of not being able to stand / get up properly.

Also it might help with my back pain since im not worried about having a specific posture ig.....

I hate being a dissomei

[littlemic4]

I don't think I'll ever be able to handle someone that's not okay

I'm sorry I never ask you if you where okay

I'm sorry I just brushed it off

But I don't think I can ever handle it

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

[littlemic4]

I can't wait to just disappear from your life. Hopefully, then you'll feel better

[littlemic4]

I don't know how to feel better. Someone tell me what to do.

[littlemic4]

I never hurt myself for attention. I did it because it felt good, and at the time was my release.

I would never do something like that for attention

I'm sorry it took everyone's eyes abd sympathy away from you

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

Im sorry

[littlemic4]

I don't know how to fix myself for you. Please tell me how to fix myself for you. I'm so sorry thst I'm such a horrible fucking person but I think that's just who I am. Tell me what I'm doing wrong and tell me what you want me to do.

I don't think I'll ever be able to tell. To ever know how to fix myself.

I guess I should just disappear

[littlemic4]

My heart is racing it's racing and I wanna sob. I can't help it I wanna cry I need to cry. I just took my meds for my heart and it hadrnt kicked in yet and i had to already do some stuff for my aunt. Pulling things off a top bunk and move it onto her bed. And just going that made my heart race. I hate this fucking body

[littlemic4]

Imagine laying in bed and trying to sleep buy you keep waking up at odd times and you keep tossing and turning. And the last time you wake up you think it's probably 11 BUT NO ITS NINE O FUCKING CLOCK

[littlemic4]

I could feel my heart moving in my chest for a moment. I got scared. And worried. I don't want it to fail, not yet. And I'm hardly even being active, im just laying in bed and playing on my phone, and then suddenly, BAM, you can feel your heart quickly pumping blood and flipping out in your chest for like five seconds.

[littlemic4]

Depending on the types you take you'll probably be fine, I was on both stimulants and high blood pressure meds for like 9 years maybe? And I've only started having problems now.

They're starting me on Strattera

[littlemic4]

I think my high blood pressure is getting worse. I'm already on 2 MG of my meds. My hearts only started acting up more as of the past few months, but I can tell there's a difference. I'm worried it won't get any better.

There's a chance it's just my hormones, but it's still scary.

[littlemic4]

I hate immatating people subconsciously. Cause I started talking how my mom did when she got her new dentures. She would talk with her mouth more open, so I did too.

Or like how I started watching specialedd on yt and I started talking how he did and using a more Spanish accent and I felt kinda bad since I felt like I was "making fun of" his race since how I talked.

Or how I was matching the show bones and I started talking like bones, the character. Along with how technical she talks.

It makes me feel so weird. Even online, if i talk with someone enough, I might begin to copy their speech patterns.

[littlemic4]

@rulerzreachf4n7

Yeah, I am. From a pretty young age too, which was definitely not good for my development.

And no offense, but please don't comment on my posts. I can't reply since this is an alt acc, tmblr is terribly mean to me.

Also, sorry for the tag

[littlemic4]

I hate being assaulted, but I love being touched unconsentualy. It always felt good when it happened, but it made me a bit distressed and made me feel all dirty for liking it.

I can't help but wanna relive parts of my trauma. That's why I think I'm a proshitter. I won't get better because I'm scared of talking about it to people.

I hope it goes away when I get a partner

[littlemic4]

I hate being myself. I am what can be considered a proshitter, and it makes me feel so disgusting. Like, what do you mean you like / compulsively sexualize yourself as a child form that you made up.

I hate lolis, and shoutas, and proshitters. But I don't think there's any way I'm gonna get better unless I get a life. I don't really trust therapists to understand me.

Chat I wish I wasn't r worded when I was so fucking young. I've done quite a few bad things since I thought it was normal as a kid, and it makes me feel so filthy.

Please don't come after me. I can't handle any negative backlash from this.....I can't take much anymore.

[littlemic4]

I love being so stressed out by a thing that it shows up in my fucking dream. Not only did I get a fucking shooter, i got an ice-cream truck......wtf