lunallei-blog

[lunallei-blog]

let’s be ugly as a community

[lunallei-blog]

haters will see you

[lunallei-blog]

⬛BARONESS⬛

I made a new video last night for Halloween, please check it out on Youtube here!

👻Have a safe Halloween!👻

[lunallei-blog]

new profile pic

[lunallei-blog]

Brains, beauty and brawn

Shop

[lunallei-blog]

so i made a new video called feels

[lunallei-blog]

Sweet Sierra

A pretty bad short story snippet I started working on a few months back. Begins with some umbrellas. Features Frank Sinatra. Read if you’d like.

☂☂☂

I settled myself on the patio of my apartment, leaning my arms on the rails and peering off into the distance. Across from me was another apartment building, and two more building lay on the left and right, and in between the buildings laid a large courtyard, a beautiful little park laid with many flowers and trees, along with benches, winding pathways, barbecue grills and a swimming pool in the center. It was her favorite pastime. Since the courtyard was so big, one could find a place to sit peacefully and observe the flowers. She was very observant like that. She was the most incredible woman. I don’t know why I left her.

The sun was starting to peek over the horizon and left a soft, citrus glow on the right side of the courtyard. Slowly, I could hear the pleasant chirping of birds emerge from the bushes and trees. But I wasn’t interested in any of that. I gazed off into the distance, off to the apartment building that opposed mine. She usually came out early in the morning, very early, because no one sees her that early. The sun just barely peeks over the horizon. I casually leaned over the handrails and observed the violets and lavenders below, waiting for her, hopefully catching a glimpse of her before I went back inside for breakfast. I quickly glanced up every few seconds to see her open her patio door, but she never did. I took a deep sigh as the swimming pool started to deflect the sun's rays, but he finally saw the glint of the glass sliding door open and the beautiful lady emerge from her den, child in hand. Her dark hair was up in a careless bun and she wore a loose, fuzzy robe over her golden figure. The child wore what seemed to be a dinosaur sweatshirt and a pair of green pajama pants. He had his hood up which made it look like the dinosaur was hilariously devouring his head. He held a little doll in his hands and rested his head on her slender shoulder. His mom was like that. She let him play with dolls and dresses. I knew him well. He was my son. And she was his mother.

Calmly, she sat down in a lawn chair, crossed her legs, and gazed thoughtfully at the softly blushed lilacs in the courtyard. She was clearly up in her own thoughts. Even as he beat her chest with the doll, she barely noticed. She thought too much. She always thought way too much. When we divorced, she thought too much. She thought too much of me. She thought I was cheating on her. She thought I was a madman. But she thought more than she spoke. That infuriated me. I wanted to know what she was thinking. Always. I always did. She had so many ideas locked in that broken skull. She never wanted to tell me anything. That’s why I was fine with the divorce. She was getting really bitchy. But now I miss her so much and I miss him, too. My baby. She kept the baby, and she kept the apartment, and she kept my love and threw me out into the streets.

The sun glowed off of her golden skin and her legs and hair shined beautifully in the orange sun rays. She was so damn beautiful. Fuck. I get a little mad sometimes. I’m not that type of man, but dammit, I’ve been missing her so much I didn’t know where to begin. I didn’t get this apartment building to stalk her, though. I  felt like I did. But my job was still here, and this apartment was very close to it, and it was convenient for me to get there in the mornings. It only took five minutes. But without her, I’m very lonely. I don’t know. I don’t know how. I’m not a very lonely man. You know that? But...I don’t know. It’s just that...I-whenever I think of her...no, whenever I think of my time with her, I regret it all. And our son. I wanted to hold him and raise him but she wouldn’t let me.

Suddenly, she lifted her head and looked around frantically. She was trying to make sure no one saw her. She normally veiled herself but she liked the sun hitting her bronzed skin. For a moment, she relaxed. But then she spotted me, and I tensed up. She narrowed her eyes but she couldn’t see me too well. I knew she couldn’t. She normally wore glasses to see far away, and she doesn’t like seeing far away, so she never wore them. She didn’t know who I was, but she knew I was looking at her, so I turned away. After a few minutes, I looked up and saw she was gone once more.

☀☀☀

Tall and tan and young and lovely

The girl from Ipanema passes by

When she passes, each one she passes goes “ah”

When she walks it’s just like a samba

That swing, so cool, it sways so gentle that

When she passes, each one she passes goes “ah”

Oh, how I watch her so sadly

How can I tell her I love her

I would give my heart gladly

But each day when she walks to the sea

She looks straight ahead and not at me

Tall and tan and young and lovely

The girl from Ipanema goes walking

When she passes, I smile

But she doesn’t see

But she isn’t looking at me.

☀☀☀

[lunallei-blog]

Isolation

Nine months a-waiting

A first born

Young and pale

Beautiful

A girl

A daughter she was

It's a girl!

They all cried

And a girl she was

One day

She shall be a wife.

Steady years

One

She ate

And slept

And pooped

And walked

Two

She started to talk

Three

No more diapers

Four

Time for school

Five

She rides her bike

Six

The tooth fairy came around

Seven

A bruise on her arm

Eight

She's too messy

Nine

A bruise on her cheek

Ten

Too quiet

Eleven

Too ugly when she smiles

Twelve

Too skinny

Thirteen

In cane the moon sickness

Fourteen

Cried every night

Fifteen

Suicidal

Sixteen

Worn out

Seventeen

Drivers license

Eighteen

Isolation at last

Nineteen

Soon to be bride

No.

Not a bride.

She was useless

Worthless

Not compatible

Stupid

What would make a man

Want a woman as unstable

As her?

Even before conception

Money was stowed away

For her marriage

She was to one day meet a man

A rich man

A handsome man

A nice man

A dominant man

And raise

Many kids-

No!

I don't want kids!

I don't want marriage!

Just leave me alone!

Isolation. She desires isolation.

----Writen March 24, 2015. 

[lunallei-blog]

Daughter

✿ ✿ ✿

Such a sweetie

What a darling

So polite

Even when she's falling

✿ ✿ ✿

My Daughter cries every night

Doesn't she know that I'm always right?

My child loves to stay awake every night

Knowing that I will always win the fight

✿ ✿ ✿

Please help my daughter

She lost herself

Please help my daughter

She lost her own bet

✿ ✿ ✿

Written September 13, 2015

[lunallei-blog]

One Day, Again.

My sunshine, remember the days

Our youth ran wild?

The clarity of our sights

You and I, just a child

You were my greatest joys

And so were our others, too

You stuck through the journey

But unfortunately, you fell through

I remember excitement

Upon seeing you

But now your appearance

Is nothing new

Words escape me

At your sight

But upon talking

They gain flight

I wish it wasn’t this way

You depressed, and me insane

But I guess that’s how the tide goes

Bubbly figments and hopeless gains

For one am I

Good with the abstract

But for you it is nothing less

Of an artifact

But for you, you are

Better for what’s expected

For all you do is win

And all I feel is dead

I dislike seeing your success

But for you, it’s just the same

Hopefully, one day, we’ll reconcile

And go back to our childish games

But for now, we are stuck,

In endless competition

I hope for a day again

Where your face meets with recognition

Remember when we used to run

For hours on end, for sure

The happiness upon our meeting

And the sadness upon our departure?

I want to hear you laugh again

I want to see you smile

I wish you weren’t so depressed no more

I hope this is a short while

Now we’re met with problems

We’re both deprived of simple joys

But these could’ve been avoided, I’m afraid

As our own future, we destroy

This, I’m left with a pen

And you’re left with a sorrow

I’m left with a notebook

And you’re left with no tomorrow

What has been done

For us to reach this depth?

From endless rays of light

To no more sunshine left

Depressed, both we are

Suppressed, too

But together, we may defeat this agony

If you weren’t so worn through

Then continue on, if you must

In the endless pit of despair

I’ll follow the path to my destruction,

Without you, my sunshine, there.

(Written September 10, 2016. A Message to an old pal.)

[lunallei-blog]

Loneliness is my loyal partner She constantly whispers in my ear That I'm independent And strong I don't need someone to hold my hand And walk me to the finish line No, I don't need my father Or mother Or sister or brother A friend or a man To help me across the road Loneliness is my greatest companion She accompanied me on all my travels She points out the content couples And the blithe babies And the frantic families And reminds me that I'm happy by myself All by myself Just like them Loneliness is my most reliable acquaintance Who reminds me that I am okay On gray dark days She holds my hand and says "You're fine. You don't need anyone. Only yourself. Only yourself." Loneliness is my best friend She comforts me on melancholy nights The cold hands of despair calmly soothing my shoulders As I weep into her pale shoulder And let her dreary, gray hand caress my aching arms Raindrops of dread showering upon a drought desert Loneliness is my soul mate We were meant to be Destined from the start Me and my empty apartment Silence echoing through the dysphoria Off the medicine bottles Off the lonely bed Off the silent T.V. Off the dead phone Off the dripping sink Off the weeping girl Loneliness is my well being Who does not fail to tell me That I am who I am By myself Who holds me and tells me That I don't need anyone's acquaintance And that she is my only one Who constantly tells me That I can finish this race alone One tissue at a time That I can prove them wrong. That I can prove them wrong. And sometimes I must wonder... If loneliness is me.

“Loneliness”, written by Afrah, April 9th 2015

[lunallei-blog]

Fireflies

[lunallei-blog]

no one cares about muslim women

no one cares about muslim women.

not her father, not her mother.

not her sister or her brother.

not her aunt or her uncle

not her grandma, not her grandpa

not her cousins or her friends

not her children or her husband.

no one cares about muslim women.

no one cares about old muslim women, no one cares about young muslim women

no one cares about black muslim women

no one cares about chinese or latino muslim women

no one cares about indonesian or afghani muslim women

no one cares about french or indian or canadian muslim women

no one cares about muslim women

no one cares about ex-muslim women or converted muslim women

no one cares about young muslim girls 

no one cares about muslim women who speak their mind or silenced by their culture

no one cares about covered and uncovered muslim women

no one cares about hyper or depressed muslim women

no one cares about mentally ill suicidal muslim women

no one cares about fat or skinny muslim women

no one cares about disabled muslim women

no one cares about intelligent or artistic muslim women

no one cares about quiet or loud muslim women

no one cares about reserved or social muslim women

no one cares about muslim women who love math or science or art

no one cares about passionate or confused muslim women

no one cares about muslim women with bad teeth or poor skin or patchy hair

no one cares about promiscuous or chaste muslim women

no one cares about muslim women who are forced to marry or choose to remain single

no one cares about muslim women with zero kids or ten kids

no one cares about pregnant muslim women or infertile muslim women

no one cares about educated or uneducated muslim women

no one cares about poor or rich muslim women

no one cares about muslim women who are continuously berated by muslim men

or who are continuously attacked by non-muslims

no one cares about muslim women who want to save the world.

no one cares about asexual muslim women

no one cares about bisexual or lesbian muslim women

no one cares about trans or non-binary muslim women

no one cares about transitioning muslim women

no one cares about muslim women disowned by their families for not following their demands

no one cares about muslim women who are free or trapped

no one cares about muslim women’s sadness or joy.

no one cares about muslim women, dead or alive.

no one cares about muslim women who have something to say.

i am not a political talking point

i am a human being

a real woman with thoughts and feelings

opinions and a voice

ambitions and passions

do not silence muslim women for your own agenda

do not view muslim as an object

do not reduce us to figures with no voice or feelings or desires.

listen to me first.

listen to what i have to say

and stop speaking over me.

let my true colors show.

let my sisters express themselves.

let our voices be heard.

no one cares about muslim women

but now you do.

[lunallei-blog]

How to get Adobe Illustrator CS6 Free: [Disclaimer: This tutorial will only work for Windows]

Things you’ll need: • An Adobe account // you can also use an account I created username: jaehosadobe@yahoo.com | password: adobehelp  or you can sing up here *PLEASE DO NOT CHANGE THE PASSWORD NOR EMAIL OF THIS ACCOUNT, (or i will personally hunt you down) THANK YOU ^^; • Adobe Illustrator CS6 set-up file [you can download it from the official site here and log-in using the email and password provided above or with your own account] • Amtlib.dll Box: ZIP | RAR DeviantArt: ZIP

**NOTE: I can only provide the set-up for Illustator, take into account that it might NOT work for everyone. Which is why I’m providing you with the adobe account.  

Things to remember during the set-up:  • It will ask you for your account info about 3 times during the entire installation process. •  You must install as a trial, because I WON’T be providing you with a serial number.

I will now try to walk you through the installation process (please observe as i fail).  

How to Install Illustrator:  (if you know how to install it, feel free to skip these steps. just make sure is installed as a trial.) *Click on the links for visuals. • Go to the Adobe Official site (if the set-up file I provided didn’t work) and click on download. • Once the file has finished downloading, the Adobe Download Assistant will open, enter your email and password (or use the one provided above). - If you can’t find Illustrator, look at the All Products column in the Show Me section select Desing and click on download Illustrator. - • The downloading takes approximately 2 hours. • Click on the Set-Up file, a box will pop-up (it usually takes about 2-3 minutes to finish) • Click on “Try: I want to try Adobe Illustrator CS6 for a limited time”. • Accept the Adobe Software License Agreement.  • Sing in. • You’ll have the options to choose what to install (you can install both or just one depending of your operating system: computer> right click > properties > system type) •  Finish the installation, this will take another 30-35 minutes.

Now that you have Photoshop installed, lets get to the amtlib.dll • Go to your “Computer” located in your Start Menu. • In your “Hard Disk Drives”, click on Local Disk (C:). • Locate your “Program Files” folder and click on the one corresponding to your system .  - For some of you there might be two folders, I clicked on Program Files. But again this depends on the system your computer is operating. If you choose to install both versions of Illustrator you can add the amtlib.dll to both folders: Program Files and Program Files (x86) - *NOTE: My computer is operating on 64 bit. • Locate the “Adobe” folder, open it. • Locate the Adobe Illustrator CS6 (64 bit) or Adobe Illustrator CS6 and open it. • Click on Support Files. • Click on Contents.  • And finally Windows. • Locate the amtlib.dll file. *NOTE: You can either rename your amtlib.dll to amtlib1.dll or replace the files. I would personally recommend you to rename it, that way if you decide you want to buy Illustrator you can just erase the amtlib.dll and rename the amtlib1.dll back to its original name. • If you decided to rename your amtlib.dll you should have two .dll files, it should look like this. (your folder should contain both the amtlib.dll and the amtlib1.dll) **FINAL NOTE: For some reason when I opened Illustrator the loading logo says “Tryout”. If when Illustrator finishes loading it asks you for a serial number or to continue as a trial, the tutorial didn’t work. Sadly. ;__; Ways of knowing if the tutorial worked/didn’t worked: Open Illustrator and click on the Help menu. When it doesn’t work your Help menu would look like this and when it does work it would look like this. As you can see when it works you can click on the Product Registration option ^^.

FIN!

[Here is a F.A.Q post, because on my last tutorial I got a lot of repetitive questions and it should be helpful for both you and me. Please make sure to read it, your question might already have an answer. Also be sure to check my q.a tag, you might also find your answer there. ^^;] That is all, have fun and enjoy :D 

[lunallei-blog]

GURL I love you and you deserve a good life where you are free to do anything. You need more lovin' _(┐「ε:)_♡

omg thank you!!

[lunallei-blog]

[lunallei-blog]