masturbaeshion

[masturbaeshion]

for awhile it felt right

and then it started to hurt

but his hands didn’t leave my body

they only gripped me harder

i would’ve said stop if i could find the words

i would’ve said stop if i could fight the tears

my throat was dry and my hips turning blue under his touch

when it was over

i didn’t want to be in my own body

but i did this to myself. i asked for it. i wanted it. i like it.

i thought maybe the pain on my face would raise some concern

but it only made it worse

it’s like he was waiting for me to break

and he broke me that night

warm fingers between my thighs

i didn’t know it was real

i was dreaming of somewhere better

then i felt my body being bent into position

the sound of a wrapper being torn

why didn’t i tell him

i should’ve just told him to stop

he leaves to go to the bathroom. i sit in silence.

i just won’t call him again.

i just won’t call him again.

it doesn’t matter anymore

but lately i can’t sleep

i still feel it

even if i rub myself clean

i’ll be dirty forever

and that’s okay

because at least he’ll never want to touch me again

[masturbaeshion]

there is a child inside me

she lives on in the way i love the colour green

she lives on in the way i still use my fingers to count

she lives on in the way i skip the cracks on the sidewalk

i’m 22, why do i still do that

sometimes i hear her in the way i speak about my interests

sometimes she’s there before i go to bed

and she always asks the same question

“will i ever grow up to be like you?”

then my heart starts to ache

“you are me” i say, because she is, wonderfully so

“really?”

and the tone in her voice is so hopeful

i nearly fall to my knees

your inner child admires you more than you know

[masturbaeshion]

the less i know the better

yet somehow im punished for not knowing enough

the more is gone the lighter i feel

the lighter i feel the more i float away

it’s like i am a piece of what i used to be

i am nothing more than a program gone wrong

nothing more than an extra piece of the puzzle that doesn’t fit in but doesn’t belong elsewhere

prisoner would be the word

trapped in the unconscious

[masturbaeshion]

i can’t remember the last time i wanted to die

i’d like to write about it

but the feeling is a stranger to me now

i remember crying in silence with empty darkness all around me

i remember scratching the words into my skin

and hoping someone would see them and ask

are you okay?

all i can really respond is am i?

the last time i was okay

was last week

i was walking home with the breeze in my hair

but when i was 15

i could not walk without being weighed down by my own demons

i’m 22 now, and i grieve the grief i used to feel

i still feel the ghosting touch of those demons, trying to drag me back down the hole

i let them caress my legs now, they cannot hurt me

i wish they would

pain is comfortingly familiar

what am i to do with peace? i’ve never known it before.

[masturbaeshion]

convince yourself this is all there is

work until your joints are sore

this is truly all there is

there is never going to be anything more

you sit with empty plates

lining up the streets

waiting for your first meal this week

you were promised a life

but they cannot provide

once we’re all dead

who’ll take their side?

fuck the politicians

fuck the 1%

fuck all you landlords and your rent

there are countries of factories

16 hours a day

they are slaves to these systems

and die before they earn their pay

yet you shout at the homeless

you shout at the poor

you shout at the hungry

you shout at the sick

you teach your children

to beat and to kick

anyone with skin

darker than them

you teach your sons that

“boys will be boys”

and you wonder why they treat girls

as toys

it’s never your problem until you get hurt

it’s never your fault until you get caught

you don’t fucking care and that’s pretty clear

but don’t come to us when the end is near

- the state of our world, and i’m angry about it

[masturbaeshion]

i want her to notice me

but i don’t exist that way to her

i want to run my hands through her hair but she only ever lets me braid it

i want to look at her with love in my eyes but she can never know

so i close them and forget her face

- loving a straight girl

[masturbaeshion]

ready to wither away and watch from above as everyone mourns my passing

it feels like i’ve been alive too long

[masturbaeshion]

hey. i know i’ve been mad inactive for years, but i’ve been in somewhat of a situation.

i’ve been battling homelessness for the last 3 and a half years. it’s been long. i’ve bounced from friends couches to shelters to rehabs, just to have a roof over my head.

i’ve held a steady job for the last 3 years, but i got out of an abusive relationship last year- my ex took 8000$ total over the course of 3 months. they put me in massive debt to pay their rent, their boyfriend’s rent (yes, my ex cheated throughout the relationship and i didn’t want to argue about it), and more. i was the only one of us 3 working a stable job and receiving income. it got to a point where i had to leave, even if i was making myself homeless again in the process.

i found stable housing recently, but it won’t be stable for long.

i’m currently 600$ short on rent. i’m about to get evicted monday if i can’t cough it up.

i’ve been on disability from a concussion that gave me significant brain scarring- during a DV incident with my ex. My job has since been denying accommodations and refusing my return to work. I haven’t been getting a single dime since November.

i’m really struggling. i know a lot of you are too. but even 1$ helps.

if you can afford to give, i appreciate it. if you can’t, a reblog or comment is JUST as appreciated.

paypal.me/rileymarietracey

normally i don’t post stuff like this, i know.

but i’ve tried every other option. i don’t qualify for ODSP because i’m not in a wheelchair, nor am i intellectually disabled. i’ve tried to contact OW, but they haven’t replied and i’m on a deadline. i’m not eligible for EI as of right now, since i’m technically still employed. my employer is doing this on purpose to either force me to quit the job i’ve held for the last 3 years, EVEN throughout homelessness, (aka the only stability and consistency i’ve had throughout this ordeal) or return to work with NO accommodations for my brain injury.

i’m in a rough spot.

thanks for taking the time to read this, if you did. and thanks again for any donations or engagement you guys give me. i am forever grateful.

[masturbaeshion]

FUCKKKK ME UGH

[masturbaeshion]

Brie Larson played in an offensive and racist movie and appropriated Desi culture in it. She played a white saviour. She has not apologized for it.

She has been accused of repeatedly being irrationally rude to her costars.

Her feminism is white-centric and as a woc, it disgusts me how often she makes “hot takes” which completely disregard woc issues and she often speaks over other woc activists.

I dont hate her character, nor her acting. Not everyone is emotive and expressive, and assuming that all women have to show a vast range of emotion while playing a character is not only an ableist microagression (considering autistic women exist lol) it’s misogynistic, but we won’t get into that.

This post is probably several years old and nobody gives a fuck but that’s ok i just wanted to share

Please don’t affiliate my bi king Peter Parker and my lesbian goddess Carol Danvers with straight white cis billionaire t*ny stank

Edit:

There are numerous reasons—none of which make sense

She doesn’t have a personality

She doesn’t portray emotions

She doesn’t smile often

She’s too powerful

She’s cocky/arrogant

She came into the mcu way too quickly and is now one of the most powerful

She’s definitely apart of the lgbt community

And my personal favorite is her costume.

NOW WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT WHY NONE OF THESE ARE RELEVANT

Carol Danvers has a personality, but because she spends the entire movie trying to take down the enemies on a strange planet where she doesn’t know anyone, she hasn’t had much time to open up

Neither does dr strange. And I’m not even joking—he literally does not show any emotion throughout his movie

I don’t think I have to bring this one up, but you should’ve seen what Brie Larson did to other marvel movie posters 😂

She’s too powerful? Bro thor is a literal god, Wanda can alternate reality, and strange has literally made a bargain with the universe in his hands

Ok? You guys love t*ny/r*j for the same reason

So had doctor strange and people love him

Some people are mad because she’s theorized as a lesbian. I don’t understand how her love interest’s gender would negatively effect her storyline but ok

I had the costume as my favorite for a reason. The only reason people hate the costume is because it doesn’t show enough skin. Can you guess who makes the most complaints about that?

Yup.

[masturbaeshion]

THREAD OF THINGS YOU WOULD DO FOR A GIRL BECAUSE SHE’S PRETTY THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BREAK PROTOCOL, GO!!!

[masturbaeshion]

if u ever want to know what eating wax feels like, just take a bite of cold cheese

[masturbaeshion]

what do u call breeds of inanimate things?? like for example car breeds;

toyota, honda, audi, kia.. these are all breeds but there’s a name what’s the name

[masturbaeshion]

throwback to when my hair was badass. i wanna go purple again 😔

[masturbaeshion]

yes this is how we address each other

[masturbaeshion]

jessica camacho: *exists*

me:

[masturbaeshion]

Me, at work, pushing carts in the parking lot with classical music blasting: :)

car: HONK

Me: