missesstealyourgurl

[missesstealyourgurl]

My family calls this my cocoon. 😜 . Sleeping with Ehlers Danlos is HARD. My joints need a LOT of support. . I've found that using a pregnancy pillow (flipped upside down so the part meant for your head is at my feet) helps tremendously in keeping my body and joints where they need to be. . I also can NOT sleep without my weighted blanket. It really helps my sensory issues and helps me feel grounded. . And of course... A nice firm mattress. I have an @sleepnumber mattress which is AWESOME because I can adjust the firmness and softness to match whatever my body is feeling that day. . How do all my other Spoonies and Zebras sleep? Tell me your tips!!! https://www.instagram.com/p/B_P3oMeDqjV/?igshid=1djgn9e9igize

[missesstealyourgurl]

[missesstealyourgurl]

I don't want to be one of those people who curates their feed so that the rest of the world only sees the highlights of my life. There's nothing I hate worse than the romanticizing of pain and suffering. The first picture was a selfie I took this morning after taking time to do my hair and make up. I love doing my make up, but it takes time and energy. On the left, we have what I look like at the end of the day. All I did today was run a couple errands. I was gone for maybe 2.5 hours and it literally zapped all the energy out of my body. Now I'm trying to figure out how I'm supposed to go to my boyfriends birthday dinner on friday without vomitting in the restaurant. I have to figure out how I'm supposed to make an hour drive to and from my best friends house to give the kids Christmas gifts. How am I supposed to go to hibachi on Christmas eve plus stay out late to do gift exchanges with my boyfriends family. How am I supposed to do all this? It's simple. I don't. I won't. I can't. I will have a migraine, I will be sick to my stomach, I will be exhausted. Chronically ill people don't fit into modern day societies standard of living. That is the sad but honest truth. #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicnausea #chronicfatigue #pots #potssyndrome #spoonie #butyoudontlooksick #invisibleillness #reality #recovery #notenoughspoons https://www.instagram.com/p/Brl9u0Flqsy/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=3qthxr8yt91e

[missesstealyourgurl]

#NoFilter bare skin selfie. I'm totally in love with this #burtsbees lip shimmer in Peony. I feel a smidge better after my shower. Time to decide if I have enough spoons to either work on etsy orders or just do my work off Instagram for a different job. Never enough damn spoons. #spoonie #spoontheory #spooniegirl #spooniewarrior #spoonielife #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicnausea #chronicfatigue #chronicillnesswarrior #tired #exhausted #sickaf #sickandtired #undiagnosed #possiblypots #pots #potssyndrome #dysautonomia #dysautonomiaawareness #permanentlyexhausted https://www.instagram.com/p/BrJGP0QltIb/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1pfzrtojpic8a

[missesstealyourgurl]

How did I get so lucky with this beautiful baby girl? 😍 I've been successfully dragging through this week of finals. I'm making good grades and hopefully that keeps up for the last two finals 🤞🏻 Etsy has also been pretty steady with business and I'm thankful as hell for that. I've been eating a little more regularly. Between the keto chow and solid foods I can hopefully put my weight back on without killing my stomach. I need to talk to my doctor about upping some medications and adding others in. Hopefully a little change will grant me better relief. #goldenretriever #dogsofinstagram #furbaby #furmama #college #education #sociology #etsy #etsyseller #smallbusiness #entrepreneur #food #foodsucks #gastronomy #ibs #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicfatigue #pots #possiblypots #dysautonomia #recovery #sickaf #nauseated #permanentlyexhausted https://www.instagram.com/p/BrEq11qlt94/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=15ol9qedb2tk5

[missesstealyourgurl]

About the only thing my ex fiance was ever good for was going to and from the kitchen for food and drinks. This past year and a half of getting myself snacks and drinks has been MISERABLE. I cannot wait to move in witch Christian, if not for anything else, for the 2 am snacks.

[missesstealyourgurl]

Sleeping in mama's lap while she works on new designs 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️ #goldenretriever #dogsofinstagram #instadog #furbaby #furmama #WAHDM #dogmom #workhard #playhard #workhardplayhard #entreupreneur #etsy #etsyseller #etsyshop #designer #coffeemugs #wineglasses #beerglasses #shirts #tshirt #meanmug #meanmuggin #meanmuggincoffeemugs #meanmugginapparel https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq_XO5NlCSw/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1pttp58swc6wl

[missesstealyourgurl]

@ravenclaw-momma don't you just LOVE when an old traumatic memory you've spent 20 years trying to bury and forget just pops into you head and totally wrecks you?? I know I love them!!!

-dripping sarcasm-

Ryan’s dad and step mom are coming to visit the kids tomorrow. Atla is so so excited. We are baking spiced toffee shortbread cookies today so that she can decorate cookies with them. It’s my first time making toffee so fingers crossed lol.

I also have my first therapy appointment in months tomorrow morning. I’m kinda glad Ryan’s parents will be here as a distraction afterwards but I’m worried I’m gonna be a mess. I’ve been ~remembering~ things from my childhood out of nowhere & yeah. No good.

[missesstealyourgurl]

Chocolate Keto Chow ftw 👌 Swipe Left 👈 to see my dog acting a fool. #ketochow #chocolateketochow #keto #ketodiet #ketoshake #delicious #ketotransformation #ketobreakfast #ketobeginner #liquiddiet #recovery https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq49IldFE0z/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1pciiy1bsuxs7

[missesstealyourgurl]

My Keto Chow is here! I really hope I like it and can tolerate it. I mixed 3 up and they are chilling in the fridge until I am ready to try and drink them. I really hope I like them and that my stomach tolerates them well. I've lost so much weight and my body is just exhausted and hurting from lack of nutrients and food. #liquiddiet #ketochow #keto #ketodiet #weightloss #weightgain #health #healthyliving #healthylifestyle #ibs #stomachproblems #chronicillness #permanentlyexhausted https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq3Ne0llfWL/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=z4ag9dmkkzc4

[missesstealyourgurl]

Permanently Exhausted

permanently_exhausted is my Instagram handle in case anybody wants to follow along there. I’ve began blogging more openly about my failing health and my struggles. Its been very therapeutic. Of course I will still be on Tumblr and you guys will get all the gory details that I cant give out to the family and friends. 

I have really been struggling. November was a complete shit show, and I’m entering December in no better health. As soon as some symptoms subside, new ones appear. I try to stay optimistic but some days I really feel hopeless. My resources are so limited. 

Last night I became ill to the point that even my mother was really concerned and we ended up in the emergency room. It was nightmare ish. I have never ever seen an ER so packed full of people - and I have been in a LOT of ERs. Christian was still at work and he had an important meeting this morning in Atlanta so I optd to just let my mom stay with me. It wasn’t too terrible. Except the staff kept talking to my mom and not me??? Like.. I’m 24. Wtf. Very annoying. Everything is “OK” (meaning all my labs and tests were normal and I have no stomach blockage,) I was sent home with two prescriptions. But I did have a major episode of blacking out which was terrifying. It was after they took my blood. I’m a fainter when it comes to blood being drawn but I haven’t actually passed out from it in a good 8 years. I usually get sweaty and dizzy but I don’t actually pass out. I’m aware of the problem and I mitigate it very well with breathing, alcohol swabs etc. Christian has taken me to the ER twice in the past 6 months and both times I did amazing with all the pokes. I think my body was just so done yesterday. I passed out, started gagging and dry heaving and shaking really bad. My mom said it looked like I was about to start convulsing. Usually I pass out, and wake up and I’m good. This time was different and very scary. They couldn’t wake me up. I could hear most of it but not all of it. I remember smelling the alcohol my mom was shoving into my nose, I remember dry heaving and thinking I was going to puke. But I kept going in and out and even after my eyes stayed open I couldn’t feel most of my body and I couldnt speak. I tried to speak and just started making weird noises and eventually starting wailing and sobbing. They had to lift me into a chair and wheel me into a room. They literally stripped off my clothes and robed me and then shoved a huge ass needle into my arm to start an IV. Oh, and I felt somebody taking my blood sugar before I was fully conscious and I have no idea what the fuck they did but my finger HURTS. It turned black and blue immediately. And the needle they used in my arm must have been a big needle and not a butterfly because that shit hurt too! I’ve been poked and prodded and I am just so done with this. 

The good news is I finally slept through the night really well and woke up feeling a little less deathish. The bad news is my schedule is fucked, I’m running behind in all areas of my life, and I still don’t feel well at all. I HAD to go to walmart today to fill my scripts and get some gatorade and heavy cream for my keto chow. I used a scooter and make it (barely.) I hate walmart with a bloody passion. I would never choose to go there on a Saturday but I absolutely had to. It was pouring rain, the inside was jam packed busy - horrible. 

I drug my rollator inside because thats how awful I feel. I haven’t eaten. I’ve been in bed just being a turd. I need to take this medication to try and eat some food but I know its going to knock me out. 

[missesstealyourgurl]

This is all true.

Important Warning Please Read and Share

So Scientology has recently been purchasing ad spots on social media sites including Twitter and Facebook. Scientology has always worked hard to recruit young people it seems like they’re investing in social media as well now. I know most people think Scientology is a joke but it’s a seriously dangerous cult which uses fear, extortion, violence, vandalism and various other unethical actions against those who oppose them both inside and outside the church. Here is key information on the abuses committed by Scientology: 

•Scientology uses a form of pseudo-therapy called auditing which focuses largely on embarrassing and traumatic memories. Scientology collects the information you share and uses that information to threaten you if you oppose the church. They also charge huge amounts of money for auditing sessions (which is why they really are doing all this).

 •They are extremely anti-psychology and psychiatry and pressure you against taking any antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication or any other drugs for mental health.

 •They believe homosexuality can be “cured” and are blatantly homophobic. •Enemies of the church are labeled “suppressive persons” and it is forbidden to communicate with such people. This isn’t just to limit the negative press they receive but also is a manipulative tool. If you are in the cult and decide to leave or criticize the church you stand the risk of being completely cut off from your friends and family. “Suppressive Persons” are often also harassed, stalked, or threatened. 

•If you’re new to Scientology and your family or friends are worried about you being in a cult you’re instructed to cut them out of your life, increasing your reliance on the support system (though there’s nothing supportive about it) the church give to you. 

•Scientology’s doctrine includes the concept of “Fair Game”. This basically says that those who are judged a threat to the Church can be punished and harassed by any and all means possible.

 •Because of this, they have no moral qualms about having their members lie in court which they use to defend themselves from lawsuits or charges that they’ve broken the law and also to help win lawsuits against their enemies. •They essentially spied on and stole information from the IRS and tried to frame the mayor of Clearwater Florida for a hit and run. 

•Scientology filed 50 different lawsuits in one year against the Cult Awareness Network, an anti-cult organization. Using false testimony they won one of the suits and because the organization couldn’t pay the fine Scientology took the organizations name and logo so if you were calling to get out of Scientology you’d be unknowingly telling Scientology of your intentions. (For full transparency my mom was a member of the Cult Awareness Network before it was taken over and was sued individually by the Church of Scientology) 

•Scientology has an official branch known as the Sea Org, a mixture between a paramilitary group and slavery, comprised of their most dedicated members including many children/teens who’ve been raised in Scientology. This is where some of the most rampant and terrifying abuse in Scientology occurs. 

•Sea Org members often work over 100 hours a week for Scientology for around 2$ per hour.

 •Sea Org member’s living conditions are terrible; they live in overcrowded communal rooms with up to 12 other people, are not given healthcare unless there is a free clinic in the area, often are forced to miss meals or sleep in order to successfully completed their work. 

•Several former Sea Org members have accused the church of physical abuse. •Sea Org members may not have children and women who have become pregnant have reportedly been forced/coerced by their higher-ups to have abortions. 

•Leaving Sea Org without permission automatically makes you a suppressive person, so young adults who’ve been raised in Scientology who want to leave are cut off from everyone they’ve ever known with no money or job and getting permission to leave can require 3 years of hard labor, social isolation, and group pressure.

[missesstealyourgurl]

@ravenclaw-momma my parents are from PA and I was raised in Florida but this is still me. 😂

Please stop calling me out.

[missesstealyourgurl]

Yep

Makynnleigh Macchiato

[missesstealyourgurl]

Swipe left 👈 Featuring @sunnyj33 lounging on the couch with the Chihuahas 🐕 No drama llama 🎭🚫 I'm continuing to improve and recover from my last flare of symptoms. I went out today by myself and shopped around Michael's and Office Depot. I picked up my lazy Sudan style craft supply holder from Michael's, only to realize it was damaged when I unpackaged it. 😫 I brought my rollator and it was super useful. I definitely don't think I would have made it through the second store without it. Standing still is a much bigger trigger for my tachycardia than walking is. That obviously makes shopping and browsing difficult. That's where the rollator comes in! I was able to sit and browse and let my heart calm down from all the walking. 👌 Let's keep this train going in the right direction! #family #chihuahuas #vinyl #crafter #drama #llama #nodramallama #recovery #tachycardia #chronicillness #chronicpain #mysteryillness #pots #possiblypots #spoonie #nospoonsleft https://www.instagram.com/p/BqlycJGlJqr/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=dwokl18x5pp7

[missesstealyourgurl]

Swipe Left 👈 I made myself a t shirt today. It's so fitting for me. I am progressing forward again. Today I ate a few very small meals. My stomach churned and hurt pretty damn bad but I powered through. This was the second day in a row that I didn't need my walker and felt very little of my heart symptoms. Progress. Not perfection. #progress #progressnotperfection #movingforward #success #recovery #workhard #issues #ivegotissies #moreissuesthanvogue #vogue #crafting #craftybitch #silhouette #vinyl #raglan #baseballt #chronicillness #chronicpain #mysteryillness #undiagnosed #pots #possiblypots #tachycardia #tachycardic #ibs #gastroparesis #possibly gastroparesis https://www.instagram.com/p/BqjNuiRlUJA/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=10fjirlact0tb

[missesstealyourgurl]

Thanksgiving and Family.

There are 5 adults, 1 teenager, 2 large dogs and 2 small dogs in my house right now. Overwhelmed doesn’t begin to describe how I feel. This, on top of the sure terrible flare in symptoms I’ve been having is just terrible timing. 

I feel like I lucked out in a few ways though. Christians family was in Japan visiting his brother for Thanksgiving, which meant I only had to deal with my own family. And because I’ve been so sick they have pretty much excluded me from any and all outings which is fine by me. They were gone for the majority of the day, which left me and the 4 dogs to listen to murder podcasts and other business in peace. I am the dog whisperer. These dogs (not my dog) are bananas when everyone is home. I know they are overwhelmed and in a strange place but they truly do just fine when its just us. The 2 little ones stay in their cage and usually yap all day any time somebody comes near them, especially if its one of the big dogs. The two big dogs play fight all day because my sister dog is a puppy. But when its just us, everyone is quiet. Everyone sleeps. Everyone listens. The little dogs are out in my office and of course the big dogs want to be were I am but we had zero problems. The little ones didn’t bark. My dog slept. Scout periodically wandered the house and came to see what I was doing, but he mostly laid down too. There was the occasional noise in the wind that Scout would bark at; he’s not used to being in a house with cars driving by and such; and of course that would make all of the dogs bark. But that’s what happens when you have 4 dogs and it was only slightly annoying. At leas the dogs listen to me - the people sure don’t. I am the dog whisperer. 

My aunt, mom, and sister are literally all the same person in so many ways. They all sound the same. The all whine the same. They all bitch and scream and argue with each other the same. My cousin is 13 and he is constantly whining too. It makes me want to rip my eyes out. Why do we have to whine? We are grown people - not toddlers. I have worked very hard to not sound like any of them, and Christian assures me that I don’t. Phew. 

My mom as been a monster. But not to me. She has to keep up the appearance of the loving and doting mother. Whatever. I’ll take it for what it is. I do have a major problem with the way she treats her boyfriend though. He is literally the sweetest most genuine and kind hearted person ever, and I just can not stand by and watch her chew him up and spit him out. We were all dispersing for the night and going to out designated sleeping areas. Her boyfriend is sleeping in the living room. He turned the fan on and my mom promptly lost her shit. I mean 0 to 100 real quick. Nasty. He was like a defenseless animal against her and I just had to step in. Of course. That’s who I am. I am the mama bear and advocate for defenseless people against my narcissist mother. I was always the one to put the bully in their place and root for the under dog. Anyways, I tried to diffuse the situation gently by saying that sometimes it feels stuffy when the heat is on and their is no air circulating - the room feels stale. She just kept repeating “but the heat is on 68 degrees! It’s 68 degrees in here!” I said okay but some people just need the fan on. I told her sometimes I turn my fan or air purifier on just for some circulation, and sometimes I even crack my window because it feels warm to me at 68 degrees. I could see the anger bubbling in her eyes as I used real knowledge and facts to tear down her BS. “Just because you sleep one way doesn’t mean everyone has to do it that way. There is no right or wrong way to sleep.” We went back and forth as I called her out for approaching him and having a nasty tone, which she denied. She started to give in a little and say that it didn’t matter because she wasn’t sleeping in the living room anyways. I ended the conversation with my new favorite thing to say to her. “Since everyone else seems to agree that its a little stuffy and some circulation is nice, maybe you are the one doing it wrong and not us.” She caved and just stalked off, proceeding to slam doors. 

My sister leaves tomorrow which means there will be one less bitchy whiny woman (and one less dog) to deal with through the weekend. I think everyone else leaves Sunday or Monday. 

I did successfully sit at dinner with them (although my stomach made me regret it later), and I also played some board games with them. I am both mentally and physically exhausted.