missunguidedme - Tumblr blog

[missunguidedme]

Had a complete meltdown last night, just watched divergent then i remember how I become obsessive over the character when they are caring intense and protective. Like Robert Pattinson in twilight and 4 in divergent. Always had it since was young. I literally cant stop thinking about them. Anyway thinking of him made him think how no one like that would go for someone like me. Then I had a massive pitty party.

This was the first time ever everything like this came out in tears, I'm obese ( still trying ) , ugly have pcos and inverted nipples. I literally felt 0% self worth. But actually telling him was crazy never told anyone. Well you say things like ow I'm ugly but you no just saying it. But last night god damn I ment it.

He knows about how I obsess over characters and he is so caring and sweet. Just reminds me of reality. And I have so extremely happy and luck to have the love of my life yet I'm so unhappy with in my self. Wanted to join gym. £40 a month like I don't have money like that. And yeah I could do it at home but not the same. Gym I only h e one choice and that's to work out at home, I have other choices. Like working, Xbox, baking. I just need the environment. Well that was my pitty party last night so I'm feeling a little better now. Still can't stop 4 popping into my head but you no. 😂

[missunguidedme]

Having one of those days again, so started to pluck my chest hair and chin hair. Jesus it hurts but shaving Every other day is getting me down atm. What does anyone else do about the chest hair. I actually haven't known any other female who does. So finding another female like me would just make me feel no so lonely.

[missunguidedme]

Having one of those days again, so started to pluck my chest hair and chin hair. Jesus it hurts but shaving Every other day is getting me down atm. What does anyone else do about the chest hair. I actually haven't known any other female who does. So finding another female like me would just make me feel no so lonely.

[missunguidedme]

😭😭😭😭

I Can't sleeeeeep !!!!!!!!

Story of most people's lives, but do you have a partner that sleeps in roughly just 2 mins after saying goodnight. He never has once had trouble getting to sleep. Imagine no over thinking, no random throwbacks from like 10 years ago, no crying yourself to sleep, no getting anxious about bed time because of all the above. It frustrates me so much and he apologises all the time which I tell him honestly don't apologise for being able to do it. I wish it was my super power, if I don't get sleep well I'm a moody bit#@ but he handles me very well.

On the plus side we had a amazing valentines , and spoilt eachother rotten. However now I just want to sleep. And totally ruined my no screen time am your before bed because I started to work myself up and just needed distraction. Talking to you really helps. It's like a spoken diary that no one sees it's great.

We have this thing wjere he draws on my back while i draw on his, then when i yey sleepy i roll over and be continues to draw on me as I live it so so much. Then we say good night and I lay on my side which never works but I have to start that way, then I roll over spoon him till I'm about to drop then roll over and then slowly get to sleep but it didn't work this time my mind decided to dwell on things from 2, 5 and 10 years ago 🙄, anyways, Hope you all sleep tight and have amazing dreams. 🤞😚😴❤🦄🐶🌭🏊‍♀️🧘‍♀️😴😴😴😴😴😴😴😴

[missunguidedme]

I no this is too much info but we finally made love last night. 🤣🤣

I lasted 30 seconds. Not even a joke. I still let him continue however he wishes but I finish so fast since we have done it without condoms. I really don't know why

But I was thinking maybe that's why we don't make love so much but then if im letting him continue it cant be surely. So of course I asked him otherwise it will play on my mind and wind up to a giant ball of negativity. His reply no lie " no I love it I find it so sexy" 😊😊😊yayayaya but still I need it more.

I know i sound hurendouse but im a overthinker with controlled anxiety (most of the time) and a raging sex maniac. So I get he needs brakes so I am trying. I would settle for once every other day. 🤷‍♀️

[missunguidedme]

So as your aware we have been trying for a baby, but lately he just isn't ever in the mood. He doesn't work, so he not tired and I've said how I feel he apologises and says he don't know why and it's just like driving me a bit insane. I'm not wanting it for baby but I just need it 🤣. When we were first together it was 2 -3 times daily. And then I started sertraline which well killed it. Maybe once every couple of months. And I was on this for 2 -3 years so yeah rough for him. He was so understanding and was just like our love isn't just that. Which was adorable, but now I crave it And well I ain't getting it. I think I'm being so annoying about it all but I can't help it. He had to change for years and so I'm thinking he is just in the habit of not having it. He defently ain't going else where so I don't know. Once everything couple of weeks really isn't working for me.😂😂 got I sound desperate 💏💦💦

I need the 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆

[missunguidedme]

So, I've been quiet for a long while now, just with this lockdown it's hard to stay focussed but I'm defently trying my best. Keeping with work, painting, baking and watching old programmes I used to love. Still trying for a baby, still trying to loose weight aswell. I am still here just not so much.

[missunguidedme]

Nothing to do with my pcos. But I'm just feeling so down. Me and brother has always had the best connection. If supported him through something just devastating but has come out better . I cooked there teas for months and months while in hospital. Slept ove rat the hospital to give them a brake, cleaned there house, Literally I done loads. Anyway in the past few months he has been nasty, and disconnected. And when I ask nothing is wrong. We don't see eachother for months sometimes. I pretty much hear from him if he needs something. I have anxiety and so ove rethink so much and I blame myself but then I know I haven't done anything. Completely gutted I'm keeping away which is hard but what's worst is it doesn't effect him. He could literally live fine without knowing me or speaking to me. When with our sister he is calling her, having meet up and just I'm feeling so left out and like I'm not cated by him anymore.

[missunguidedme]

Sorry not been on, life well it's strange atm. However I have some excitingly scary news. I am halving my medication (doctor knows ) and taking sertraline for 2 weeks then me and my partner are going to try for a baby. So currently eating super healthy. We are very excited but obviously nervouse. But yes

[missunguidedme]

Brought a summer dress £20 that's serious money for me I tend not to pay anything over £8 for anything. I'm a bit of a cheap scape. Anyway love it alot, there is a lil peep hole in the front on the chest so I have to make sure that's clear of hair but not major as it's a small area. But I'm trying to be more adventurous with my cloths as I love fashion alot.

Also I'm in a very good place at this minute so I'm happy and feeling positive .

[missunguidedme]

The process of plucking!!!

I first make sure the chest is dry, I do plucking making sure I remove the hair from the root as much as possible, won't happen every time, and put on tissue or else where never leaving it on the chest.

Ones I'm done I'll have a shower I try not to shower gel there as it irritates there alot, once I'm out I'll tap dry and then moisturize as much as possible. I tend to get sore and redness and some spots. This also happens on the my double chin.

If anyone else has tips that would be amazing. And I know we should embrace our bodies how they are but I can't deal with a hairy chest.

[missunguidedme]

Sooooo, me and my partner has a moment of passion and well we think he came out in time. But the thought as we do want a baby Just nervouse. But yeah so the though to could be was exciting but, no I'm not like I want to without trying. That sounds stupid.

Not been able to update as much as I would like but I have work , on a course and I look after my mum and family. When I get a chance I'll let you know how it's going.

[missunguidedme]

Having one of them days where everything is just getting me down. My partner is at work all day and i work from home, it can get so lonely and same old.

Plus I'm putting more and more weight on no matter what I'm doing. It was easier being single to lose weight. Just because I partner loves food as much as me and we can help our selves. Specially dinning in a restaurant.

We love it alot and it's our special time as we live with my mum but only because she wouldn't cope alone,But it's hard .

Also don't help when I'm on a downer I could moan all day.

[missunguidedme]

Iv given up.

So painful, plus they were coming back like the next day so. Shaving It is, iv done lazor and that didn't work. Just don't know what else I can do, or do I just need to learn it's how my body is.

If anyone has any tips, please do. Had stomach pains alot for the last few days, but it's bearable.

Literally if anyone has anything that can help with anything please just comment.

I'm like moaning mertle, my partner finds me funny just because I'm happy moaning which I guess I am, Love a good winge. If I was to carry on I would mention my ear ackes and ankle hurting and constantly feeling full. I won't go in detail because I could go forever.

It's funny but I am actually really happy 😁 , if people find out I have anxiety they always say ow you don't look like you do. Your always happy and smiley. Haha I'm just confused on what you like look with anxiety.

I have good and bad days, like with anyone. But iv spent years pretending putting on the smile when the day before I was suicidal. It's just what it is. But that was a long time ago. I'm in a good place. Just anxious with new things, people and men.

Men? Yes men, something in my past wasn't major but done therapy and do see things clearer at that time it was scary but now Its ok. I guess when I watch films about serial killers, murderers, and horror movies mainly men are the corporate. But I'm dealing with it.

This is weird but since iv been in touch with my feeling, I have more panic attacks but I'm not bottling everything up so I'm thinking that's good.

[missunguidedme]

😢😢😢

Just finished plucking a bit, ouch it hurts. It seems to be growing back like normal but I can't always pull them from the root, bit will continue just because if it works on long run, The better.

Not sure if it's just me but does anyone else has less libido or is that just the sertraline I'm on. 🤨 probably too much info .

Sweating like super bad today, my hair is super thin ànd falling out so much, which I thought would help it stop getting greasy the next day but nop. So not only am I going bald yet I have greasy hair next day. 😶

I never know if this is pcos or something else. When I got diagnosed the doc didn't say alot and so not 100%. Think I'll do a list of all my body issues and really think about what I can start doing to help myself. 🤞

[missunguidedme]

Hope your all well?

Having good days at the minute, wearing tops that cover as I'm growing my chest hair. I'm plucking them when they are long enough to get. Some I seem to be plucking from the root 🌱so I'm hoping that it won't grow back. The thing is I didn't realise how many I have to pluck like dramatically 1000s.

One day at a time a few plucks when I can, my fiance just looks at me sometimes like what she doing now, so if told him he just says fair enough And goes back to fifa ⚽️. I have hair around the boobs too.😌 The squishy bit can't think what it's called so trying to pluck them but hard to grab. Where the hair grows Some times it has a spot growing on it.

Another day being wonderful unguided me

[missunguidedme]

Had a brain fart 🤭 !!!!

If tryed everything for my chest ( yes my chest again) except plucking. So I'm leaving my chest for a week. Just so they are long enough to actually pluck, and I shall try th is because I'll be pulling from the root. So I'm hoping it may either grow back slower, not at all 🤞, or I guess just how it's always been.

I shall keep you updated, I hope it don't hurt too much though.

So if been wearing top that cover my chest, which I find are always a bit of a thick material so I'm been sweating like crazy today. Hate it when people ask why I'm wearing it. Don't fancy saying because my chest is as hairy as my dog. Not the best image. If anyone has any good ideas of what they do or have done please share. 🙂🙂🙂🙂