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[mylovewithyourlove]

A truth…

You won’t be enough for a lot of people. People will see your measuredness, not as wisdom, but as a waste of time.

People will see your calmness and be angry that you didn’t arrive with more bells and whistles.

To so many, you will be easy to ignore.

People will wonder why you didn’t emote more. Don’t you care? They will choose to believe that you feel nothing, even though, no one feels nothing.

People will be angry that you can’t work. They won’t understand it.

If you can accept this with all your being (and it will take ALL your might) then your social anxiety will have been surmounted. A new life begins. So keep toiling. One day you will burst through like a concrete rose. But in the mean time, cry, cry, cry💧

[mylovewithyourlove]

A big reason it’s hard to be myself is because I’m afraid of pissing people off. I know what it’s like to be denied things because of someone who didn’t like me.

But I’m remembering that it isn’t only up to people. A larger part of this relies on my source and what I planned to experience before I came here. What IS to BE will BE, regardless of any one’s attempts to stop it or delay it, or my attempts to expedite it.

There is no judgment here. It is all for Love. You will review this life when you die, and determine whether you are fulfilled or not with your earth experience. There is no judgement in it. Only adventure. Your honest and genuine answer is always the “right” answer.

And everyone else is on the same journey. So do not take their judgement personally. When they die, they too will throw their heads back and laugh at how silly it was that they held themselves and others to this standard or that. All they needed to do was love and trust, after all.

Love and trust, baby girls and boys💚

[mylovewithyourlove]

I can make it through any emotion.

Faith and psychosomatic tools.

[mylovewithyourlove]

Only if it resonates❤️

[mylovewithyourlove]

Only if it resonates ❤️

[mylovewithyourlove]

In my late 20s… finally able to let in the mental relaxation.

Not struggling as much with what I look like/how I’m perceived.

Still wanting a partner, but not killing my self to “be desirable” to potential lovers.

Not spiraling as much about being broke as before. Open to new doors opening and getting the help I need when I need it.

Realizing I can finally start letting go of carrying my mothers “cross”. Her problems don’t have to be my problems. I don’t have to a “suffer” in order to show her that I care or I’m a responsible adult.

[mylovewithyourlove]

I just sit and I think about all the times that I had to try to “lock-out” the fear. I didn’t say I was struggling on the inside of me. I didn’t say that I was really, really, really scared. I was just quiet. I tried to look stoic and I nodded and smiled slightly when someone would say “See, it’s super easy”. But I was not confident I could do it at all.

Now, in 2023, at 20 something years old, I realize something. Seeking to show that I was taking “initiative”, and actively seeking help for me “mysterious mental struggles”, I used to asked for help to do certain things. I asked for help learning the subway, speaking fluently, or solving a math question. But I never could actually “have” the experience and truly feel confident. ~Somewhere inside Permeating my entire being, were the phrases:

“I’m stuck”, “I’m slow” “I must look so stupid learning this, now, at my age”.

Recently, I saw a picture. It was a sad-looking, stick drawing of a little girl with angel wings . The caption read, “Can I go to heaven yet?”

As the voice of an impatient teacher, a well meaning, but increasingly frustrated family member, and a sadistic bully was joined with the compounded feelings that “I am stuck and I am a burden”; there was another lonely scene in my mind.

It was a lake. I would look down into its dark, placid waters, waiting for the time I’d be let into death, and numb relief.

I have felt so lonely in this. There is not much I could say that you would hear. I am always waiting to leave. I can’t die soon enough.

I can’t die soon enough.

(Diagnosis or not, you deserve to validate what you went through. In fact, it is your destiny to gain peace about this🖤)

[mylovewithyourlove]

This is the BEST explanation I have seen of Saturn in Pisces. Also helpful for anyone struggling with anxiety disorders, addiction and depression etc. or anyone who feels that their struggle is constantly invalidated.

[mylovewithyourlove]

It’s hard to have the willpower to “be present” through a panic attack because it’s like… I’m just going to feel this way again tomorrow. What’s the point?

But anyway, why is it so hard to heal panic attack disorder??

For me, I think it’s because you have to learn emotional regulation/stress management from scratch. And you’re quickly trying to get yourself to function like a “normal person” = someone who experiences stress, but doesn’t feel completely overwhelmed by it.

Additionally, you’re plagued by people thinking you’re just lazy or a procrastinator… but it’s not a lack of self discipline. You’re fucking TERRIFIED of people / forgetting something you need/ feeling stupid for not knowing something etc.

All in all, you just get the sense that some people truly think that your life would be better if you could just “get your fucking shit together”. The most they’ll tell you is try breathing exercises or a a cold bath lmao.

But the root cause of your panic remains and it won’t go away with some health techniques alone.

And you are left to fight the dragon of people’s neglect of you, misunderstanding, and thinking that you are beyond help.

I’m not beyond help. I still really don’t know how to heal this yet. But I deserve help and I’m going to fucking get it. Give up on me if you want, bitch. I won’t give up on me😢🔥

[mylovewithyourlove]

I am learning how to stand up for myself. It is very hard, so I am putting in a lot of effort. But also, a lot of surrender.

[mylovewithyourlove]

It’s hard to be kind to myself right now (but I be tryin’).

[mylovewithyourlove]

God as a Dom

[mylovewithyourlove]

You give up on me and I fall apart

I can tell you’re not even listening

You think I should get over it

You think I’m stupid

But I’m not

I just want to feel better and right now you’re making me sad and sick

But the truth is I think everyone is like you. I want love, but I really do think everyone will misunderstand me and give up on me.

I just want the space to fall apart

I guess I’m gonna have to fall apart by myself. Is this how life will always be? I’m sure you see the light and it feels worth it sometimes and then you gain more wisdom.

But it feels cold right now. And I feel like a pathetic failure and loser, in your eyes.

[mylovewithyourlove]

I want to be somewhere else.

[mylovewithyourlove]

If you hate everyone (and everyone hates you) it’s like you’re beefing with the whole world, and that’s kinda cool.

[mylovewithyourlove]

Check out @suitestpee on instagram

[mylovewithyourlove]

From @suitestpee on instagram