mymyisblogging - Tumblr blog

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She is a brunette

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I go back to school in two days, wish me luck

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me every three seconds when i'm not in the mood for studying:

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Actually, I don’t care.

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I’m becoming crazy, I keep seeing faces, over and over again. Please mother love me, please father call me, please, just please, I need someone; I can’t do it anymore.

I really can’t.

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I lost.

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Your agony will forever be my punishment for not letting your, my, carelessness enter my heart, your heart. Perhaps if I made something, if I did something. If I stayed a little bit more, if I laughed a little bit more; you could’ve stayed.

Now I’m facing the consequences of my own actions that will forever follow me wherever I go. Your absence will forever haunt me and the universe will always be silent without you. The sound of it must be repressed, but it won’t.

I’m sorry.

I’m really sorry.

I didn’t mean to burn you, I didn’t mean to burn myself, I didn’t mean any harm I’m sorry I really am.

Your aches will forever be in the air, the thought of your presence will forever stay in me, their sent will forever follow me and perhaps I should try to go ahead and join you; but I can’t.

The snow was falling like crystallized tulips, the snow was really beautiful that night.

You didn’t say goodbye, I didn’t say farewell.

You’ll always be my snow and you’ll always be the one I love the most.

I’m sorry,

To B.

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Damn

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Me too, me too.

silent hill 3, 2003

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I gave you everything, every flower of my garden, every star of my sky. I gave you all the blood left in my heart and drank all the poison in yours. Yet, I was never enough.

But was I ever enough? Mother, was I enough? Father, am I, one day, going to be as worthy as my brother? Will anyone love me? What do I need to do in order to be loved?

Do I need to climb over mountains? Pray for hours. I did, I swear I did. But God never responds, God never responded. Why did you make me this way? I could’ve been beautiful. If I was pretty, would’ve I be loved? I wish I was the one that got invited to a party, I wish to be the one chosen for prom, I wish to be the one. But I don’t and I won’t. I just need to be able to go away from here, perhaps if there is no me then I’ll be loved. I just want to be loved please love me whoever please.

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Recipe: Cinnamon- almond- white chocolate chips cookies

Ingredients:

1/2 cup of brown butter

3/4 cup of sugar

1/2 tsp of vanilla extract

1 egg

3/4 cup white chocolate chips

1/2 cup crushed almonds

1/2 tsp baking soda

4/3 cup all purpose flour

3/2 tsp cinnamon

Pre-process:

Preheat the oven at 180C/ 356F

Process:

In a pan, melt 1/2 cup of butter (113g) until it’s brown.

Mix the brown butter with 3/4 cup of sugar (150g). Mix until the color lightens.

Add an egg and mix until the mixture is smooth.

Add the vanilla extract and the cinnamon. Mix until smooth texture.

Add 4/3 cup of all purpose flour (167g) and the baking soda. Mix until the mixture is smooth.

Add the white chocolate chips and the crushed almonds. Mix until everything is incorporated.

Lower the heat of the oven at 212F/100C.

Put the cookies in the oven for about 15-20min. Don’t let them stay too long or they will come out hard.

PS: I added a syrup on them. The syrup is a mixture between water and icing sugar. !! Don’t add too much water!!

[mymyisblogging]

I miss teen suicide.

Here are some of my favorite lyrics:

I'll never leave my bed again, I'm not made for the life I have, I never meant to hurt anyone

I wanna sleep until it ends, I won't make new friends

You said you hate yourself So let me feed you strawberries Off a plate I bought from a widow Who was selling her husband's things And we'll see if you still hate yourself

Said goodbye to my friends, they're gone now I don't wanna live anymore I don't care at all i don't care anymore

I can't stop telling lies To everyone that I like And I don't like you. You don't like me too.

We won't be friends And I won't be nice to anyone Because I don't see why I should I don't see the point I won't, I won't get clean For the rest of my life i won't be nice

I have dreamt about what it's like to die

And i saw myself becoming shadows again

Just like i did when i was a kid

I saw my bones crack open

And all the things i've been hiding from you spill out

All the secrets that i never thought i'd tell anyone about

I am warm and i am bored and i am drifting through this place

It's no better or worse than anything else that's ever happened to me

But i wish that i'd never met a lot of the people that i've met

Not because i don't like them but because i only let them down

And when you disappoint everyone all the time

It's hard not to want to die

Constantly i feel this weird and shameful feeling

Like im being watched by a thousand glowing, vengeful eyes

Behind one way mirrors in public bathrooms and in metro cars

And everywhere i go i know i'm not welcome

I’m too lazy to write the others sorry

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“You talk too much”

I’m going to stop talking. I’ll keep it up here. No talking with people at school. I’ll only talk with my family and my friends.

My heart hurts

I am too tired to keep this whole revenge stuff

I am not mad against anyone

I am not aiming to be better than everyone

I just want to be

I am tired

I want to disappear.

#day1

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But idc anyways

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I’m so tired I need someone to execute me 🤕

I’ll be better with time. I believe it. I just need to focus on one thing at the time. Live slowly, today is your last day as you; tomorrow it’s another you who’ll live. With each day, there’s is another opportunity to be who you want to be. With each day, you born again and die the same night. Life flies by.

Life flies by.