nandsmi

[nandsmi]

Talia: My son, part of courting a lover is showering him with the finest quality items. You should do this for your alien partner, and buy him better clothes, so he can dress appropriately on earth.

Damian: He's half alien, mother. Was born and raised on earth, he is more than aware of the culture of clothing.

Talia: So why is it that every time I see him he has holes in his clothes even before any battle?

Damian: ... It's a... style. He already buys them like that.

Talia: Pierced like he survived gunshots? Doesn't he want to keep his identity a secret?

Damian: Mother, it's a common style among young people, so he doesn't draw attention to himself by wearing... holes. It's said to be a "cool" thing for young people to wear.

Talia: Do people enjoy to look like they don't have the means to have full clothes?

Damian: ... I don't understand it either, but I accept him the way he is!

Talia: Oh, your grandfather was right, you just sound like me.

Damian: Mother!

Talia: I was the same when my father tried to understand why I was enchanted by a man who dressed as a bat...

Damian: This conversation is over, it's too embarrassing and I want to forget it already.

[nandsmi]

Parenting often needs... a few tricks so that you maintain your sanity and physical integrity. Not even The Batman rules out.

First, came Dick.

At the time, Bruce was exhausted. He spent his nights chasing Gotham's worst criminals, scaling buildings, and fighting small armies and gangs under less than ideal conditions, and yet, Bruce was sure that his death would come through 8-years-old Dick's hands and feets and his obvious desire that Bruce go gray before his 30'.

Running after Dick was Bruce's endurance training for a while.

Dick would slip down the railings at high speed and then when reprimanded would reply:

"Duh, I'm training to surf at the Olympics "

Surfing wasn't even an Olympic sport yet.

Climbing the bookshelves? Or the statues in the garden? Or using the steep ledges to reach the gargoyles on the fifth floor?

"I'm training B! Robin cannot be stopped by a wall too tall, right?"

Hanging on the chandeliers?

"I just wanted to help! Alfred can't reach up there"

He would walk around the mansion blindfolded to "sharpen my senses Bruce, obviously" and then would swear like a 50s movie star — his english was a work in progress — when he bumped into some vase or sculpture.

Every day the chances were that Bruce would walk into a room and Dick would somehow jump off the ceiling to greet him. And the boy could be quiet and sneaky if he desired.

Bruce encouraged Dick to enroll in as many extracurricular activities as he wanted, sports or not, but there was a limit to the hours a school — no matter how expensive — could keep a child ocuppied.

And there was an ethically accepted limit to how many times you could make your child run senseless around the yard pretending it was healthy and good for training (Bruce needed a break to catch his breath after the thirteenth game of tag, okay?).

The fact that Dick put his own life in danger multiple times at day or his endless energy was not the problem. The Big Issue was that Bruce, aka Batman, couldn't keep up with his own kid — it was then that Bruce discovered the first trick of parenting: karaoke.

He finds out about months after Dick moved in, just weeks before the boy turns nine. By that time, Bruce were already planning to turn an old room in the West Wing into a private gym for Dickie, but it was all too vague.

At one of the many school clubs he attended, Dick made his first friendships in Gotham and, to Bruce's relief (who was fearing that his social unfitness was somehow rubbing off on Dick), was invited to a birthday party. He didn't expect to have to carry Dick to the car because he ended up falling asleep while waiting for Bruce to pick him up. It was barely nine p.m.

"Sorry" the mother had said to him "The boys got crazy with the new karaoke machine. I'll sent you a copy of the photos later."

The next day, Bruce got a karaoke machine. Alfred was not happy about it, of course, but all Bruce felt was peace. Kinda. Dick would expent energy performing around the room, under Bruce's ever careful gaze, singing pop songs all the time while Bruce could sink into the couch having to do nothing but clap and blurt out compliments for his son every now and then.

His ears would never recover, sure, but his legs enjoyed the break.

[nandsmi]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 8

Tim: Come onnnnnn Dames~

Damian: we're supposed to be on a stakeout.

Dick: wait sorry i had to mute for a fight, what are you two arguing about over there?

Jason: Tim wants to play league days again but Dami's being a little bitch about it.

Dick: OH MY GOD PLEASE LET ME PLAY TOO-

Damian: you are almost thirty years old, Richard. Jesus Christ.

Dick: *gasp* you can't age-shame me! i fuckin' raised you!

Tim: *cackles* for- for like six months!

Jason: yeah i have like five years on you goldie, don't try and steal my child.

Damian: if i play one round will you buy us food and drop it over at the stakeout base?

Tim: oooh, say yes say yes say yes-!

Dick: deal, bring it on.

Jason: fuck yes.

Damian: *huff* alright, it's loading a card.

Damian: *high pitched squeak*

Tim: oh god, what does that mean?

Damian, voice shaking slightly: 'when i was eight, Todd gave me 'the talk', except it turned out that neither his own parents nor father had ever given him the talk, and he had to sit in on when mother corrected everything he'd told me about a month later because he'd gotten it horribly wrong.'

Damian: discuss.

*silence*

*ping*

Tim, crying: did he just-

Dick: OK- *wheeze*

Tim: Jason just left the fucking line-

Dick: WELL I FEEL LIKE THAT JUST GAVE IT AWAY KINDA-

Tim: *shaky weeping* oh my god, holy-

Dick: *cackle* please, please on everything that is FUCKING holy,

Damian: are you even going to ask questions?

Tim: truth. it's a yay. i'm manifesting. give it to us. please.

Dick: *breathless wheezes* you can't- you have to just tell us, Dames come on,

*ping*

Jason: ok-

Damian: it's a yay, it happened.

Jason: FUCK.

*ping*

Dick and Tim: *burst out laughing*

Damian: i truly feel like that was his own fault.

Tim, delirious: god i'm so happy we figured out you were funny Damian, so happy.

[nandsmi]

Bruce: I dedicate my life to vengeance.

Dick *exists*

Bruce: vengeance and fatherhood.

Alfred: those seem rather incompatible, sir.

Bruce: JUSTICE AND FATHERHOOD

[nandsmi]

A Steve Harrington shit wingman-ing fic idea

Dustin and Robin are both trying to set Steve up with Nancy. Both are bad at matchmaking, Nancy is dating Jonathan when they team up. They don't care, they want their boy to be happy. They both try to break Jancy up while putting Steve and Nancy in 'romantic' situations (Their ideas all come from romcoms, so go terribly in the real world)

meanwhile, Nancy is trying to set up Robin and Steve. She isn't as invested in this as Dustin and Robin are, but she doesn't want Steve to be alone, and him and Robin clearly love each other. Her attempts to set up double dates with her and Jonathan, which end terribly, or suggest they go to the movies or out to dinner together. Those plans half work; they do go on a date, but they never get together (Robin and Steve go on friendship dates all the time, they both think Nancy is being nice and recommending things). Dustin somehow also gets involved with Nancy's scheming.

Eddie is aware of both these plots to some degree, so is completely oblivious to Steve's attempts at dating him.

Hopper also gets involved. He clocks Steve's crush on Eddie, and immediatley thinks FUCK NO, and tries to get Steve to self actualise or something so he stays single. Lots of movie nights, babysitting and occasional fishing trips are forced upon Steve. Joyce gets involved with this plot, but only because she wants to look after Steve and make him happy.

They all think they are being sneaky as fuck but Steve has known about this nearly since the beginning. Jonathan, El and Will are helping him mess with them.

[nandsmi]

did you think superman will support the genocide that killed over 20,000 children and is starving them ?

[nandsmi]

10-year-old Duke: Can you bring back Power Rangers? I don't know what it is you do, but you seem important enough to get that done.

Bruce: ...

[nandsmi]

I can't... I can't believe I just saw Lois Lane' bashing!!! IN 2025!!! AFTER Rachel Brosnaha' Lois Lane!!!

Superbat this, Clois that... Guys! My dudes (in a non binary way)! Lois Lane, she, she... she was the top for Bruce' bottom even before Clark. She had a strap and two pretty black haired blue eyes men close around and she did both!!! As the queen she is!

Superbat just happens in a reality where she took pity in Clark' bissexual ass and push him to Bruce or whatever yk

Bashing her is like attack a goddess

Why would you, a moron, useless and fucking ugly mortal, do that?

[nandsmi]

Situations that have 100% happened

Kori (wheezing): baby

Dick: yes my wife

Kori (trying very very hard not to burst out laughing): I think we need to be quieter from now on

Dick: what do you mean

Kori: the neighbors knocked on our door and they were like ‘hey Kori do you think you guys could just keep the noise down’

Dick: did they say why?

Kori (still trying not to die laughing): they didn’t have to, I’ve never told them my name before

Dick, in bed, eyes horrified: oh

Roy (on face time): pffttttt *dying laughter

Wally (also on FaceTime): and you wonder why we refuse to move back into the tower I have kids! Man

Donna (also on FaceTime): *fell off a chair laughing, will never ever let dick live this down*

Garth(also on FaceTime) :… wait what? How did they know Koris name? I’m lost here

Donna: *got back on her chair just to fall off again*

[nandsmi]

Lois: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Clark: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Lois, working on an article: Absolutely not.

[nandsmi]

“You want me?”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

“How — But — What did I do?”

“I don’t know. I just think we’d be a good us.”

“Oh, we’d be an amazing us.”

[nandsmi]

Superman cast share their hopes for their characters' future

[nandsmi]

All of the batkids sleep like tiny curled-up cats. More than once, the Gotham news, innocent bystanders, and even street thugs have testified to seeing Nightwing bundled up and snoring on top of a lamp post, or Red Hood catching some Z's beneath a dumpster with his knees tucked to his chest. The working theory is that Batman allows his kids short naps during their first year of patrol, and for safety reasons, they learn to sleep in a small ball underneath his cape, and that type of muscle memory lasts a lifetime.

Additionally, the batkids can and will sleep anywhere. Even at the manor, they will pass out in hallways, stairways, bathroom counters, kitchens, and even in the garden.

Cue Bruce walking around the manor in his bedtime robe, collecting each of the robins by the scruffs of their necks and piling them into his arms so he can get them to a proper bed.

[nandsmi]

on one hand I do absolutely get batfam fans frustration with fanon interpretations of the batfam characters, but also…idk man it seems like the official DC writers themselves can’t even fully decide on one solid characterization of Batman himself lol. So if the official writers themselves can’t stay set on one interpretation of these characters why should I care that much that in canon tim would not drink as much coffee as he does in fanon lol.

[nandsmi]

eldest daughter dick grayson this. eldest daughter dick grayson that. BRO that boy is not an eldest daughter. He's like the perfect example of the most annoying older brother you can find. Sure he can be serious and caring when he wants to but most of the time he's there to annoy everyone and push their buttons and give affection while also bitching about his dad and challenging everything he says.

you're truly fucked if you manage to get him to talk seriously to you because he's about to show you why Bruce had to make him Robin and not just chase criminals himself.

[nandsmi]

Kori: i miss my wife *pulls out a picture of dick grayson*

[nandsmi]

Hopper is walking back to his truck after responding to a call about vagrants loitering at the park (a literal fucking raccoon) when he hears, “Mr Hopper, wait up!”

He does not roll his eyes but considers it when he slows down. Steve stops in front of him. He points at his untied shoe and asks through out of breath wheezing, “Can you help me?”

“You don’t know how to tie your shoe yet?”

“I know how,” Steve tells him, shaking the laces at him.“I’m five. ‘Course I know how but it’s really hard sometimes.”

He hums in response, kneeling down. He ties the clean white laces on Steve’s well-maintained sneaker before asking, “Does your other s- Oof.”

Hopper nearly topples over when he’s hit with the full weight of a child rushing at him. He barely registers that the arms squeezing around him are Steve’s and that this is a hug before the kid pulling back.

“I wish you were my dad,” Steve tells him in a rush and then runs off. He calls behind him, “I’m gonna climb that tree now.”

“Don’t - don’t climb that tree!”