nickwauneka

[nickwauneka]

Virginia Woolf, from her novel titled "The Waves," originally published in 1931

[nickwauneka]

Sometimes I sit with the lights off, no music, no noise, just the hum of everything I never said filling up the room. Your absence doesn’t knock, it just slips in like it lives here now, like it owns the walls and the silence between them. I miss things I shouldn’t miss, the way your voice softened at night, how you’d laugh at my terrible jokes like they were worth something, like I was. You never knew what that did for me. I never told you. I thought I had more time. But time is cruel in quiet ways, it lets you think there’s always more until there isn’t.

If you ever think of me, I mean, really think of me, I hope it’s enough to reach out. I won’t have moved on. Not because I’m stuck in the past, but because nothing’s felt right since we parted ways. I could try to start over, to build something new, but it would be pretending. I’d rather sit in the wreckage of what never was than fake something that isn’t you. There’s still a space here, still yours, still open. I don’t care how long it takes, or what’s left of me by then. I just want the chance to say it all, every word I swallowed, every truth I buried. I’ll wait. Because losing you already ruined me, wanting you never did.

[nickwauneka]

There are words I never said to you that sit in me like a second heartbeat, louder at night, when everything else goes quiet. I carry them in my mouth like glass, afraid to speak, afraid to bleed. I had chances. God, I had chances. But I let them pass, one by one, thinking I’d get another moment, a better one, a cleaner one. I told myself I was protecting something, maybe you, maybe me, but all I did was leave a space where something real should’ve lived. And now it aches. Not sharp, but constant. Like a note held too long in the throat. You’ve moved on, or maybe just moved away from the version of me that couldn’t open his mouth. And I’m left here, choking on everything I meant to say. I don’t even know if the words would’ve changed anything. Maybe they would’ve ruined it. But maybe they wouldn’t. Maybe they would’ve been enough. I’ll never know. That’s what I live with. Not just the silence, but the not knowing. And the weight of that is heavier than any goodbye.

[nickwauneka]

I’ve never felt so seen.

I'm afraid all I add up to is a walking contradiction. I don't fit on nor in between the lines, and it is not something special, rather something fractured, but not shattered, the cracks never deep enough to be noticed or swept up and pieced together.

I walk between the balance of each thing, and on the extreme at either side, all at the same time with my pace an unsteady staccato that couldn't be mistaken for any pleasant tempo.

I am far, far too much and not nearly enough. I am close and consuming and curled between each rib and I am distant and quiet where my own thoughts couldn't hope to reach me, let alone your words. I am scalding to the touch and so cold that you'll wince to tread too close. I am still and soft and I am gnashing my teeth. My canines are sharp and my molars are dull. I am kindness and I am cruelty. I'm the fire in the forest and the rain that puts it out.

I can't tell if it's lack of indentity or an overabundance of it.

Either way, it's something fractured.

[nickwauneka]

the amount of tension that comes with “i am scared of just how much i like you”

[nickwauneka]

i am the CEO of yearning

[nickwauneka]

Who gave Sabrina Ionescu the right to be this fine?

THE AUDACITY. THE NERVE. THE CHEEK.

new york liberty guard sabrina ionescu

[nickwauneka]

welp. my crush isn't interested in me. it's over lads. it was nice while it lasted ✌

[nickwauneka]

Without hesitation: blue door. The answer for me will always be the blue door.

[nickwauneka]

I wish I could time travel.

For what, you ask me?

So that I could come back to the days when I still had you.

To the days when you didn’t hunt my memories,

To the days when your smile was directed at me.

Even though I say it’s over,

If I could travel back to a year ago,

If I was strong enough to not let you go,

I’d do it all again.

[nickwauneka]

Fucks me up to think about how every character in the world is literally just someone's OC

[nickwauneka]

"what a honor and a privilege to hear from you today."

[nickwauneka]

[nickwauneka]

SEXY AS FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

[nickwauneka]

The loml. No cap.

[nickwauneka]

A replica of Caitlin Clark’s jersey WITH the Lilly patch, courtesy of the team store in Indianapolis, Indiana.

[nickwauneka]

“Because no matter how tough the world becomes, you must never run out of sweetness.”

— Bernardo Kath