nonsense-chaos

[nonsense-chaos]

the best thing about me always will be my mum❤️

[nonsense-chaos]

travelled back to my house on wednesday and was reunited with my FP (it’s weakened, distance worked)

also found out i’ve been diagnosed with BPD for MONTHS now

[nonsense-chaos]

back at my house with my bestie and my FP, things are feeling better.

i thought the [X] next to my diagnosis of BPD on my medical records meant it was in remission or that it is not likely, turns out it means that it’s something important that significantly impacts my life.

don’t know what to think or feel

[nonsense-chaos]

comfortable but thirsty💔

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THE BEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO MY FAVOURITE PERSON OF ALL TIME @i-love-hyacinths

the second coming of christ turning 18 on easter <3

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my dad went out of his way and bought me a pouch of tobacco, at the counter he looked at me and said “i don’t want you smoking this on it’s own”. of course, god forbid i smoke tobacco without drugs.

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smoked some higher quality shit. quite stoned. kind of odd that this is low-key like an online diary but oh well.

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mum caught me smoking ashes and ripped-up used roaches earlier. embarrassing.

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i complain a lot but i’m so very grateful for my siblings

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had a breakdown last night and reminded my parents that i’m insane <3

picking up on sunday.

[nonsense-chaos]

i travelled home to escape my fp and addiction, and instead i feel worse. i’m sobbing alone in my childhood bed my second day home because i’ve already disappointed my parents. i haven’t taken my meds the past couple of days. i don’t know if i can be here for as long as i’m meant to, i need to be alone

[nonsense-chaos]

i’ve attempted to have a drink but it hasn’t taken off the edge. i’m extremely irritable. i just want a fucking joint

[nonsense-chaos]

watching videos about quitting smoking and realising i literally don’t want to, i’d rather have a joint and watch family guy

[nonsense-chaos]

sober and out; i’ll be in bed by 7pm

[nonsense-chaos]

update: i did it and am questioning why i feel so empty at my new place. maybe it’s because i know it’s temporary. i just feel like i can be whole in this shitty little town but everything in the lovely student town feels like a performance.

today i’m gonna run out of weed, it’s going to be interesting to see how my parents approach that situation.

i mean i’ve smoked twice today and i feel basically sober. it’s 12:47pm. i should probably go cold turkey but i would run out today either way so might go smoke it before some of the family get back and just see what happens.

i also ate 8 cookies with a cup of coffee for brunch.

[nonsense-chaos]

today i’m gonna run out of weed, it’s going to be interesting to see how my parents approach that situation.

i mean i’ve smoked twice today and i feel basically sober. it’s 12:47pm. i should probably go cold turkey but i would run out today either way so might go smoke it before some of the family get back and just see what happens.

i also ate 8 cookies with a cup of coffee for brunch.

[nonsense-chaos]

attachment to my housemate so severe i’ve had to travel 2 and a half hours to my parents place to escape her presence for a while