parker-333 - Tumblr blog

[parker-333]

perspective is realizing that the ones who’s parents simply ignore it, are lucky.

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[parker-333]

your hazel eyes looked right through me, confirming my theory.

i am a ghost.

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secrets

My father shines his church shoes

Back and forth

Back and forth

With great care, 

my father shines his church shoes. 

Do the boys down the street wear church shoes

To their church?

They go to a

“Different church”

As mom says.

“With different rules”

She says.

That makes sense.

Their rules about secrets must be different.

In my church,

Everyone has secrets

And nobody shares them.

I told the down-the-street boys this.

But they didn’t believe me.

They made me promise to never tell, 

Even God.

They said

“Everyone has secrets”

I told them that

“Nobody in my church ever shares secrets.”

That convinced them.

Back and forth

Back and forth

My feet swing,

Never touching the tiled church floor.

Touching.

Being touched.

Everyone has secrets.

And nobody shares them.

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she’s estatic

her “daughter” has been asked to prom.

ignore the fact that

she’s a sophomore.

ignore the fact that

she doesn’t want to go.

force her into a dress.

force her into sparkly shoes.

force her to go.

ignore the tears in the dressing room.

what?

i’m sorry,

what?

no,

you’re not.

what are you even talking about?

you’re lying.

it’s a phase.

stop saying that.

i didn’t raise you like this.

take it back.

you’re not.

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Barely a Boy

On days like these,

I slip into my brother’s

old clothes.

My wardrobe

becoming

2010s nearly emo

Teenage boy.

When he’s not home to

Interrogate me,

Berate me,

I welcome the slight

Concealment

Of my chest.

High top sneakers

And skinny jeans,

A pitiful cosplay

Of a

Boy.

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Realized Destiny

Expensive perfume,

Offensive slurs,

A private high school’s  

symphony.

Eyeliner and

goth store jewelry,

Everyone in plaid

And mary-janes.

Emo music echoes

Through my headphones

as I turn 15.

Brown haired crush

is why I go to school.

My first kiss that

“Counted”.

Now,

therapy on thursdays,

my first pair of

Doc Martens.

Making-out on my bed,

you send me dirty pictures

And kissing emojis.

The veil removed,

my catholic innocence is gone

when I google my star sign. 

My destiny realized,

I get into your car.

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Opening Night

forever chasing this

feeling of everything

about to begin.

a whole realm of

possibilities.

the curtain opens

and i am freed.

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what they see when they look at me

Former ballet dancer,

Stumbling off their stage.

Inherited bad eyesight,

I never saw it coming.

Anxious mess

all the damn time,

I never quite learned to drive.

Ever shy and lonely,

Shut away from the world.

Unathletic,

Pathetic,

With a polluted heart.

I never looked them in the eye.

A carbon copy of my sister,

“Don’t be like your brother.”

Cotton stuffed teddy bear,

Five birthday cakes behind me.

I never was allowed to blow out the candles.

That's what they see when they look at me.