peerintomypensieve - Tumblr blog

[peerintomypensieve]

Want to take my life back, be confident as well as patient, healthy boundaries, good judgments (regulate funny first instinct)

Clean up apartment, save (budget Jj lol)

Be my old self again, at my best. CAN be likeable, less awkward, confident and assertive without being annoying or CONSTANTLY interrupting and being only / main person talking ☠️

[peerintomypensieve]

I want to reclaim my HBIC self. Everything I do should be a power move

(show infinite grace, patience, subtle wit)

[peerintomypensieve]

me trying to convince myself that the whole spectrum of human emotions is a good and necessary thing to feel even if its not comfortable while im actively experiencing emotions that make me feel like my bones are being dissolved in acid

[peerintomypensieve]

x.

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everybody wants to be the perfect victim but the truth is that abuse and trauma make you a worse person (and that's okay). we can all readily admit to depression and anxiety but what about exaggerated self importance in the form of neuroticism, or how believing in your own victimhood makes you think your feelings are more important than others'? what about envy and jealousy, and constant distrust? what about volatile emotional reactions, however you justify them to yourself? these things actually hurt real people who matter. i am guilty. i want to change.

[peerintomypensieve]

[peerintomypensieve]

people who do things without complaining I will never understand you. complaining is an integral part of the doing things process. first I complain. then I do it. and then I complain some more (as a little reward)

[peerintomypensieve]

The version of you right now is deserving of love. Not you two years ago when you had more of your shit together, or the five years later version where you’ll surely be thriving. The version of you right now. The one that might just be okay, or is really struggling, or is bored and unproductive. That version deserves love. Having trouble accepting this is fine, but actively denying it is not. Your value is intrinsic, and finding confidence in that is mandatory.

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Big time note to self.

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“It’s a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you’re hurt.”

—

Tom Gates

things it takes a while to understand

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pretty sure i could romanticise anything, i am deeply delusional.

[peerintomypensieve]

I'm scared to make new friendships for a lot of reasons

Trust issues

I don't want to trauma dump

Yet, my situation was so (relatively) extreme, so I feel dishonest forging deep friendships *without* actively divulging my past

It seems a clear-cut case of being in between a rock and a hard place

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“you’re an old soul” is just old people speak for “i notice youve been depressed since you were 9″

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here's to the small joys and baby hopes!

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i can’t believe me “trying my best” is just me showering regularly and eating normally. mental illness is so humbling 

[peerintomypensieve]

[peerintomypensieve]

Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

Aurelia Plath (advice from Sylvia Plath’s mother), qtd in Sylvia Plath’s The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath (via wordsnquotes)