pepadatlap

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Friendly reminder that YOU DON’T OWE SEX to anybody no matter the status of the relationship or circumstances.

If your reason to say yes is anything other than you want it (whether you want it for pleasure/reproduction/etc) then guess what YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY YES and you don’t have to feel guilty about it either

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happy birthday seokjin! (04 december, 1992)

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I used to think I can't have ADHD because I wasn't hyperactive.

Not everyone can allow themselves to act on their hyperactivity, so we find ways to redirect or hide the understimulation.

(Sneak introduction to the new inattentive Alien! A hommage to a collab I did with René ♥️)

If yo u’d like to support my work, check out my patreon :)

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ADHD

Not sure why ADHD is trending on Twitter, but sure, here’s my big post about ADHD, because now it’s too long to be a Twitter thread (ADHD, amirite?):

ADHD has possibly THE most inaccurate name for a medical condition:

 Dysregulation of attention, not deficit. We focus MORE intensely than neurotypicals on things that have caught our attention, because our neurotransmitter receptors (e.g., dopamine) developed atypically. But we struggle with switching tasks, because of this.

Inattentive-type ADHD won’t be as obvious, because it’s not the “physically disruptive boy child” stereotype.

Yes, it is a real neurodevelopmental condition, and yes, the medical community knows what it is.

No, not everybody “is a little bit ADHD.” Saying that shows that you haven’t educated yourself about the condition.

It usually manifests very differently for women, & MANY medical professionals aren’t informed about that.

Letting a child’s ADHD go undiagnosed and untreated leads to a VERY high risk of adulthood co-morbid anxiety & depression.

Letting someone’s ADHD go undiagnosed also leads to VERY high risk of addiction, because addictive substances trigger a fast release of dopamine, and the reward centers of our brains desperately need dopamine to live a happy & fulfilling life.

Black kids are 70% less likely (and Latinx kids 50% less likely) to be diagnosed than their white peers, because the most noticeable behaviors are attributed to willful misbehaving defiance, as opposed to a neurological cause.

This contributes to higher suspension rates for Black and Latinx kids, and higher likelihood of entering juvenile detention systems.

The misdiagnosis-to-prison pipeline is very real, with some neuroscience studies estimating that 40% of inmates in the US have ADHD.

Stigmatizing pharmaceutical treatments is harmful, because it inhibits people from accessing treatment.

Stimulant medications do not affect people with ADHD the same way they do for neurotypicals. They have a calming and focusing effect on folks with ADHD (unless co-morbid anxiety, depression, or other co-morbid conditions interfere)

Many folks with ADHD struggle to even remember to take their meds, and the most commonly prescribed treatments now have a time-delay mechanism that helps limit the risk of addiction.

Getting diagnosed as an adult made me cry, out of relief. I finally had an explanation, & I could forgive myself.

I am perpetually hyper-aware of how “not normal” I am in social interactions. I go through life feeling like an alien, every day.

This can lead to a perpetual cycle of self-isolation and self-consciousness, along with other maladaptive coping mechanisms.

Many symptoms that occur with Autism can also occur with ADHD: sensory overload, hyper-fixation/hyperfocus, directness, rejection of societal norms, emotional dysregulation.

The reason people with ADHD seem like they make every conversation about themselves is because they are trying to make genuine connections with other humans and stay actively engaged in the topic. Anything else seems superficial, disingenuous, and meaningless. People with ADHD seek genuine connection, and we are trying very hard to make that connection with you.

As with Autism, people with ADHD frequently reject society-imposed notions of gender and sexuality. These societal constructs are fairly useless, frequently harmful, and honestly feel contrived, awkward, and silly. I’m not just making that up. There is a VERY high correlation between gender dysphoria and ADHD (as well as Autism).

The reason I have to write everything down is because my working memory basically doesn’t exist.

The reason we interrupt in conversation sometimes is because we literally won’t remember what we need to say by the time someone finishes talking.

I forget someone’s name before they even finish their sentence. There are a million other things happening in my brain as I am trying to navigate a social situation.

Folks with ADHD can struggle with “Information Retrieval,” which is ironic for me, considering my PhD research focus. The information is THERE, however, and if there is an external stimulus to trigger, my brain can access and retrieve the information that I have stored.

So many folks who have ADHD struggle when they are put on the spot, unexpectedly. They can’t just conjure something out of thin air, so none of their words come out right, and then they will feel like an imposter.

It’s not all bad stuff. The running joke is that people with ADHD don’t just “think outside of the box”…they throw the entire box out, and provide innovative solutions that many wouldn’t have considered.

ADHD is highly-correlated with innovation, entrepreneurship, physical accomplishment, and artistry (e.g., Bill Gates, Michael Phelps, Simone Biles, Jim Carrey, John Mulaney)

We have so many hobbies, hidden talents, and interests…and we’re VERY enthusiastic about ALL of them. They used to have a word for folks like that, and there’s a reason scientists have postulated that Leonardo da Vinci very likely had ADHD.

I can detect someone else who has ADHD or Autism almost immediately (even if they don’t know it), & immediately form bonds with them. I don’t make the rules. It just happens. And I find it very refreshing to interact with folks who are neurodivergent, because I can let my guard down and just be myself.

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Omg yess!!! Please world give me an ace Splenda Daddy 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Me, a sex repulsed ace, when facing the slightest difficulty:

Well... tIMe tO gEt a sUGar dADDY

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Me, a sex repulsed ace, when facing the slightest difficulty:

Well... tIMe tO gEt a sUGar dADDY

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US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Australia: 13-11-14

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 391-1270

Brazil: 21-233-9191

China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

Costa Rica: 606-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Nicaragua: 505-268-6171

Norway: 47-815-33-300

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)

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Sooooo... figuiring out your sexuality when you are 💜𝔸𝕤𝕖𝕩𝕦𝕒𝕝 💜 is not so much about figuring out what you like (or don’t, more precisely) but discovering what ✨𝓢𝓮𝔁𝓾𝓪𝓵 𝓪𝓽𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 ✨ really is.

Turns out people are not exaggerating as much as you (or at all) when talking about how much they like someone’s body. Also, finding someone’s body beautiful or even sexy (as an aesthetic of course) is not actually sexual attraction???

All this time I didn’t identify myself as ACE only because what I thought was sexual attraction was actually just aesthetic attraction.

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Farewell online privacy

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Me, an anxious person with an official anxiety disorder diagnosis

[Reads an article about foods people with anxiety should avoid]

Article:

.... chocolate, coffee....

Me: hmm... interesting [sips mocha]

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shining through the city with a little funk and soul / stream: dynamite

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allosexuals: If I were asexual I’d get so much more done!

me: *re-watching avatar the last airbender for 27 hours*

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the confused asexual before realizing they were asexual:

► “I’m not dating anyone because I want to focus on school and I’m too busy.” -said all through high school and college.

► “I don’t care how someone looks, I care about their personality.” - A common response to: ‘what’s your type??”

► Yeah, literally not having a ‘type’. Never understanding how people have ‘types’.

► “I’ll never have kids I am going to have dogs.”

► Never understanding fuck, marry, kill. Especially other peoples choices in the game.

► Getting really good at saying “Thank you for asking, but I’m just not interested in dating anyone right now.”

► Avoiding sexual conversations at all costs because they are uncomfortable, confusing or truly boring.

► Being a total hopeless romantic and wondering why people are more interested in how hot someone is versus them being kind?? or smart?? or funny?? what their hobbies are?? how they treat their mom??

► Being confused when people will go out of their way, even dangerously so, to please/impress someone they think is hot. Like why? You can see the heartbreak coming a million miles away because what even is sexual attraction.

► The explanation at all family dinners for not having a significant other is that you have more important things to be worrying about right now, LIKE SCHOOL.

► Being completely oblivious to others flirting at you and also not realizing when you might be coming off as flirty because you’re just a nice person and like to hold doors open for people.

► Anytime you find a good new song and then actually listen to the lyrics and sit there like??? What does this mean?

► Wondering why thinking about holding someones hand gives you butterflies in your stomach but if you even try to imagine having sex with them your mind goes blank.

Hey, if you’re ace, that’s chill. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or that you need to change. Some people just aren’t into people sexually and that’s fine. Be confident in yourself.

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I love him more everyday :’)

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Fun maybe not so fun story, today I went to a new therapist for an evaluation and at some point he asked if I had a boyfriend and then the conversation went something like:

Me: no

T: Why? Has the one not appeared yet?

Me: Well no but it’s not like I’ve been looking either...

T: But you want one?

Me: mmm... ahh.... hmmm... sometimes?

T: But you do like men right?

Me: uh... yeah

T: Whatever you tell me stays here I promise. Have you felt more attracted towards women then? Or felt like you wavered a little?

Me: Nope

T: Then you like men

Me: uh... yeah

T: Why are you hesitating? Don’t be afraid to tell me if you’ve had an inclination towards women, I’m not here to tell you anything about it being right or wrong. Have you ever doubted your sexuality?

Me: I doubted but not because I felt attracted towards women but more because I’m probably asexual

T: Oh ok *proceeds to write it down*

Some hours later it hit me... did I just come out to someone?? For the first time?!? And to someone I just met at that?!?!

Dang that therapist is good at swiflty pulling out answers out me