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MSc Research Project - 19/07/2019

Ever had to offer someone £7.50 for an hour of their time?

That’s the life of a Master’s student in Wales in 2019. Tasked with the incredible feat of collecting data on 388 men aged 18-55 in a total of 4 weeks (because is ethics ever not delayed?) our team has reacted in a number of ways. 

The Project

We’re looking at Emotional Memory and Emotional Modulation of Reaction Times across 3 different personality traits; Psychopathy, Autism and Borderline Personality Disorder.

Previous literature suggests that - at least in the case of Psychopathy - emotional memory and reaction times to threat images will differ from a control group. 

So our study involves:

1. 4 x Mood Rating Scales 2. An Emotional Memory Task (PowerPoint) 3. An IAPS Reaction Time Task (Direct RT) 4. The TriPM 5. The AQ & EQ 6. The BPQ 7. A Mood Repair Task (PAM)

Which each of us has to administer to 96 men. 96. And I promise you - this stuff takes most definitely an hour.

The Good

1.  My friends have been incredibly patient, active and supportive in both doing and sharing my part of the study. 

2.  The part of the study I’m writing up involves the BPQ and Emotional Memory. Previous research on this topic includes... well. Not much. So at least I’m not drowning in papers.

3. Our data so far are “showing significance” - Supervisor. 

The Bad

1. I don’t think I know any more men. The Job Centre rejected our study. Food Banks rejected our study. Councils rejected our study. Save hanging out in the pub for the afternoon, our circle of associations to find groups of willing men grow ever smaller. 

2. Our supervisory meetings are few and far between. They are consistently rushed and our study has changed several times up until our last ethics submission. This is stressful, and probably an organisational failure.

3. I am dreaming about being violently rejected by men. Specifically - and this needs to be clarified - men I am asking to do our research.

So I end this post 28 men in. And that’s about all I can manage to say about it. Let’s hope next week I can report that I found a miracle cave of men who wanted to do research, had an hour to spare, and didn’t want to chat about it too much afterwards. 

~ E

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The Professional Cure For Loneliness Doesn’t Work

Loneliness is endemic. Despite - and I can’t repeat this outdated line enough - how “connected” we are globally, research screams daily that we are just not feeling it.

Being lonely can detrimentally affect your mental health. You don’t need to be surrounded by crowds of people - that’s...that’s not how it works and is also my nightmare. You’re reading the thoughts of someone who loves alone time (But that’s not lonely time). I’m talking about having meaningful, reciprocal relationships with other people. 

In mental health care, we’re supposed to know this inherently. And I guess we do, we’re just not translating it into reality.

Your Support Network

Working in mental health, we often talk about this elusive ‘support network’. It might be made up of your healthcare providers, your practitioner and therapist and all the other -ists. You know, when a team like that works well together it is incredibly valuable. 

When it doesn’t, well. You’re just a client, right? You’re one of the ones what slipped through the net. You can’t help everyone. 

Because these people aren’t your friends. They’re not your family. That’s another section of your support network entirely. 

Here’s the sticking point though - what if you don’t have them?

It’s Not Important

That’s the consensus. It doesn’t matter. Because with all of this professional help, we’re gonna have you up and ready to make new friends, and start a new family. If only you would engage with us, we can teach you - with these essential professional boundaries - how to build actual relationships.

But, You Can’t Though

People need friends. They need friends to talk to about what they’re going through. Whether you’re in mental health care or totally removed from it, humans are social beings and we need. a. tribe. 

Without positive, meaningful relationships in our lives, we’re not going to survive. How many times have you been in a pickle and immediately called upon a friend? If you haven’t been able to do that, how much does that suck?

Friends Are Our Most Important Support

They have healthy, self-preserving boundaries. Not professional, nonreciprocal walls.

I had a great therapist. I say this as a relatively poor woman who went for the option she could afford through a charity in Japan. He maintained professional boundaries, he worked with me tirelessly and he absolutely helped me recover. 

But outside of that hour a week, I had a wonderful friend. She came to live with me, got me back into cooking and working. Listened and motivated me. 

Without her, would I be here? I can’t say I would.

I often wonder about people struggling through life who don’t have friends. And I’m not saying we should remove professional boundaries. A job is a job. But why we discredit the importance of personal support networks, I do not understand. 

Both professional and personal relationships are of equal importance. We’ve got the Psychiatrists, Occupational Therapists, Counsellors, MDs. Where are the Befrienders, the Volunteers, the Cheerleaders? I feel mental health care could see a real difference if we shared the spotlight.

~ E

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Reducing Your Antidepressant Dose

I see a lot of articles talking about how to deal with antidepressant withdrawal, but not much about reducing your dose. Especially for fast-removal SSRI’s such as Citalopram, changes in dose can leave you a little off. (Longer-lasting medication such as Prozac apparently reduces the withdrawal symptoms you can get.)

I changed my Citalopram dose from 20mg to 10mg about 5 days ago. I spoke to my GP over the phone, told her I wanted to reduce my dose and she agreed and wrote me up. No further information was given. 

3 days later, some interesting symptoms appeared: 

- An artist formally known as the flu - No energy - Absolutely mad dreams. Quite unpleasant - Mood swing parkour - General malaise - Twitchy hands and brain shocks - Disrupted sleep pattern - Fluctuating appetite

So what happened here?

Firstly, my GP offered up no information on dose reduction symptoms. That could have helped me evaluate whether right now was the right time to be embarking on this adventure. 

Secondly, it seems to match drug withdrawal symptoms according to most research and articles I can find.

Thirdly, I have no idea how long this will last. Updated research gives the same advice: Any anxiety or low mood that appears upon reduction should be monitored. If these particular symptoms last over two weeks, return to your clinician. There’s a difference between feeling the temporary effects of a serotonin decrease, and depression.

Overall, reducing the dosage of your antidepressants can present the same problems as complete withdrawal. I think it’s important for clinicians to know this, and communicate it to their patients. But until that happens, the internet is a great thing, right?

~ E

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PhD Scholarships & What To Do When They Tell You To Go Fuck Yourself.

Drink a whole load of Tequila. Get that shit down you like you ain’t never had a hangover before. Tomorrow is gonna be great, trust me.

Oh hell, did someone say weeeeed? Beer and grass, you’re on your ass? Not today, sunshine. We’re going for a full reset.

Wake the next morning and make yourself a damn fine coffee. You’re gonna need it. 

Pen, paper, laptop. Got them? Celebrate with a cake.

Go Here. 

Message your friends for pep talks. If you don’t have friends, message me. I will pep you so hard. We don’t even have to make friends.

Apply for every grant you find that doesn’t completely reject you. I hear some people are making £50,000 for their PhD and living costs. Why not you?

I don’t know what the next step is. This is as far as I’ve got. 

Look, it’s not gonna be easy, but it’s better than giving up. If you’re in the same boat as me, grab a paddle and wave it at me. Let’s do this. 

~ E