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[rottenrabbit010101010]

I so badly want to relapse but I’m so terrified of my mom finding out, but I keep seeing kids at school with their scars out and it makes me so jealous. Like please just let me cut..

[rottenrabbit010101010]

When I’m in the worst daughter ever competition and my opponent is myself

[rottenrabbit010101010]

I should just kill myself. 5 months down the drain

[rottenrabbit010101010]

My mom makes my life so hard for no reason. She knows I get anxious easily and I don’t do good when put into situations where I have no idea wtf is going on. I had to stay after school today with the idea she was gonna pick me up, and so I call her and she tells me I have to ride the bus home. I’m tired, hungry, and just wanna go home. And so I start crying and she’s forcing me to ask someone info on what to do like I can just do that. Like fuck you. Go kill yourself why do you only care about yourself and how you feel? What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you fucking stupid? You made that big assumption and just didn’t talk to me about it. Kill yourself. Please. I’m begging you.

[rottenrabbit010101010]

I need to find other ways of self harm besides doom scrolling and cutting/hitting because 1) I don’t want my mom to catch me with scabs or bruises and 2) doom scrolling literally makes me want to die more, not relieve stress.

I mean, I’ve been thinking of using sharp objects to pick at my cuticles? But I’m not sure. It’s not as noticeable. I just, need to feel pain. I desperately crave it.

[rottenrabbit010101010]

I hit my head against something really hard and ended up bruising my nose. (All on purpose) idk if I should restart my sh clean streak. I’ve kinda been assuming that cutting was the only way I’d sh.

[rottenrabbit010101010]

Have a nice day! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

Thank you!❤️

[rottenrabbit010101010]

I’m always so amused by people who care so much about others who are suicidal or self harming. A part of me wants to know what it feels like to be mentally well and not constantly thinking of ways to die or hurt myself. I want to know what it feels like to wake up every day and be grateful that I’m alive.

[rottenrabbit010101010]

Losing interest in a long term hyperfixation is the worst thing ever. Like, this interest that’s been with me since elementary school and has been the thing to comfort me during genuinely traumatic events just…went away one morning? I woke up and just didn’t have the same love for it? Like, I still like it. It’ll be apart of me forever, I just don’t…enjoy it as much as I used too. And I should have seen this coming, but it still hurts. It hurts thinking back in past events and realizing how happy I had been because of it. 🫤🫤

[rottenrabbit010101010]

Realizing that since I can’t physically self harm, I’ve started triggering myself as a form of mental self harm. (I’d rather cut myself to shreds tbh)

[rottenrabbit010101010]

I think it’s very painful to process that my mom will never really accept me for who I am.

[rottenrabbit010101010]

Crazzyyy

[rottenrabbit010101010]

I’m so used to the concept of doing something i’m uncomfortable with/don’t want to do/triggers me to the point where im in a situation where im like, “I don’t wanna do this” and the good part of my body is like, “okay so don’t” Im just like ??? Wdym “so dont?” Ur telling me I DONT have to trigger myself?

[rottenrabbit010101010]

I’ve been wanting to relapse so bad, but I’m doing so good, but all I can think about is the burn and how GOOD it feels.

[rottenrabbit010101010]

I want to get a flip phone so bad but one, idk if my mom would be on board with that and two, my laptop is broken which is what I wanted to use to browse social media and watch stuff. I’m pissed.

Getting one would TOTALLY help my anxiousness and my impulsive metal self harming. For now, I’ll just continue to dream….

[rottenrabbit010101010]

The worst thing ever is feeling anxious but not knowing why you feel anxious. Like I’m scared of something that isn’t there.

[rottenrabbit010101010]

I’ve been so anxious lately it’s genuinely annoying. On top of that, I also had a cold. Idk. It’s just like so stupid. Whenever I have a moment of freedom and I don’t feel sad, my brain takes that as an opportunity to give me a thought of something I don’t like so that I have to spend my entire day fighting it off. I hate it. I don’t want to do stuff that triggers me. I don’t want to analyze why my favorite series is sexist towards the female cast. I don’t care! I just wanna be happy!