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[sallymareeq]

enjoy sluts😏

[sallymareeq]

18+ only please. Sexual content, language, unprotected sex and oral sex.

My Masterlist it One and Two

Ethan Hawke

He looked into your eyes, holding your gaze before dipping down to brush his lips over your jaw, down your neck, Nipping at your ribs until you squirmed beneath him. He stilled your movements, sliding his hands up your thighs. Fingers digging into your flesh until he pulls your ass up and presses you closer to him.

A whimper stuttered past your lips. Ethan kisses you, licking the sound out of your mouth until you’re panting beneath him. His left-hand crawls across your thigh, kneading your leg until you’re grinding against him. He slides his hand further, feeling the heat between your legs and sliding a finger along you. 

“Oh.” You gasp, pushing your head into the pillow. He watches you, sliding his finger up and down, stopping at your clit to press down, rubbing his thumb in slow circles. You’re twitching, pouting, your eyes opening to glare at him and Ethan smiles. 

“You okay?” Ethan nudges your jaw, kissing the curve of your neck. 

“Yes.” He grins and speeds up, trading his thumb for the heel of his palm. Your frown dissolves into a moan when he slides a third finger inside, curving them until you jerk on his hand. 

Ethan swears he feels your pleasure emanating from your body and it makes him feel alive. He knows what he wants to do next, what he always wants to do when he has you alone. With a kiss to your chin, he shifts, peppering kisses down your torso and over your hips, listening for the hitch in your breath. 

He moans when his nose brushes your hair; you squeeze around his fingers, making him shiver knowing when he licks you open you’ll fuck against his tongue and groan out his name.

 Ethan waits. Let you push yourself onto his fingers, his nose nudging you when your hips drop. He feels it everywhere when you squeeze around, slick leaking down his face.

Drowning in you. 

“Fuck!” You shout, hands flying to his hair when he licks you open, tongue spreading you apart until he reaches your clit and nips at it. You tug at his hair causing pinpricks of heated pain flooding down his spine. Your hips stutter for a beat, his tongue moving faster before dipping inside until you hiss.

There. 

He moans when you fuck down on his tongue, pressing closer, letting him slide deeper. He spreads his fingers, curling them to pull you down with each snap of your hips. It makes you cry out, your hands clenching his hair tighter, your hips move faster along his tongue.

“Baby-” You whine, “Please.” 

He lifts, rubbing his nose against your thigh to smile up at you, “Then come for me, Sugar.”

He dives back down, redoubling his efforts until you’re fucking his face, his fingers matching your beat as he holds you closer. 

It’s incredible — this feeling of being used to make you come undone. Knowing he did that for you and he’d do it again and again if he gets to hear the sounds you make. 

Exhilarating. 

Sometimes he gets about out of his head, thinks beyond the moment, but right here, between your thighs with his name falling from your lips? This is where everything goes silent. Your hands are shoving at his head now, then you stop. A cautious movement to pull away, return, then pull away again. 

Nope. 

Ethan grabs your hand, looking up at you. “Sugar.” 

You grit your teeth, mouth opening for a beat, bottom lip quivering. The intensity in your eyes, the way you looked down at him? It boils over the heat in his stomach to pool into the groin. With a groan, he fucks into the mattress.

There’s no holding back now. Your fingers curl into his hair to hold him in place, his tongue lying flat, fingers following your movement. 

“Fuck.” You squeeze around him, “Fuck,” Your heels dig into his shoulders, “God, fuck yes - yes - yes.” He feels your pulse, feels the clench of you as you ride out your high on his face. It sends sparks through his body that burn him alive. 

He feels you tug at him; he follows your hold, dragging his facial hair across your nipples then hovers above you. His fingers wrapped around your left calf, holding you close. “You’re shaking.” 

You nudge your nose against his. “I wonder why.” 

The look in your eye, the shine that looks back at him and causes stars to burst in his chest? He wants to keep that forever. He wants to see that every day and every night for the rest of his life. 

“Fuck.” He jerks, toppling a little when your fingers wrap around his cock. 

“Baby.” Your hand is slick, sliding down then back up before your thumb teases his slit. 

“Yeah?” Your hand slips over his cock as you nip his bottom lip, up, down, up, down and around his head, making him jump. When you pull him closer, your fingers reaching you before he does, he groans, feeling his cock slide in along your fingers. 

Ethan shivers and breathes into your mouth when you gasp — pulling your head back. He can feel his hair dangle over his eyes, watching it tickle your nose as he fucks into you. Your hand wraps around his neck, heels digging into his ass. It drives him crazy — makes him want to worship every inch of you for letting him have you like this. 

“Come on.” You whisper, reaching down to grab his ass, guiding him deeper, deeper, until you move beneath him. Your chin knocks against his when you throw your head back, a sharp gasp escaping as he nips your ear, kissing down your throat to leave a trail of marks. He licks the sweat from your skin, rocking his hips with you.

He groans when you scratch your nails through his facial hair. “Here.” You kiss his forehead, lifting his chin with your fingers. 

“Open.” He moans when you slide them into his mouth, coating his tongue with the taste of you.

He sucks when you push deeper, your hips moving faster, making him lose himself at the moment. He moans around your fingers, swallowing around them. His body buzzes with electricity. 

“Thank you.” You murmur against his ear.

Ethan closes his eyes, your fingers resting on his tongue, and you squeeze around him. He hisses when you pull your fingers away and wrap your arm around his neck. 

“Fuck.” You groan, head tipping yourself back as your arm tightens. Your legs tremble as you keep moving with him. He licks the spit from the corner of your mouth and dips down to bury his face in your neck. 

He shifts, moving you higher, pulling you closer, your body going pliant with a long moan. 

“Fuck, Baby. Fuck.” His ball tightens and his head tingles as he loses his rhythm and bites your shoulder. 

He comes down as your fingers card through his hair. He lifts to look at you, sliding his elbow to hold him up. “Hey.”

You wiggle your eyebrows, “Howdy.”

@fathertollerssinner

[sallymareeq]

"my love". | todd anderson, dps.

in which after a long and dreary day, todd anderson finds solace in the embrace of his girl.

✧ title: "my love".

✧ pairing: todd anderson x fem!reader.

✧ genre: fluff, with a very small teaspoon of angst.

✧ word count: 431.

✧ warnings: todd has his own dorm room, cuddling, third-person references to the reader; no mentions of "Y/N".

✦ author’s note: AHHHH MY FIRST REQUEST !! @yourpal, i am in LOVE with all of your dps memes,, thank you so much for bringing them into the world and for making this request, i hope you enjoy !! also, i really recommend that you guys listen to "eddie my love" by the chordettes as you read this-- it's an amazing song and it's the one i put as the background music :)

Another day of distress and fatigue preceded the students of the ghastly “Hell-ton” Academy. After some endless assignments and arduous extra-curriculars, they were soon able to drift off into the late hours of the night and obtain a good night’s sleep. As the New England boys lay cozied up underneath their blankets, a student by the name of Todd Anderson had been of the like-- with the exception that he had his girlfriend nestled in his arms and her head on his chest.

With days like this where Todd and his girlfriend-- though they may attend different academies-- endure the same hellish day, the rainbow after the rain is only found in the comfort of each other’s warmth. So, just as it had been the usual routine, Todd Anderson had snuck his lover into his dormitory once again for the mere opportunity of basking in her presence as they fell asleep in the comfort of one another.

He laid on his bed with his legs entangled with hers and his arms keeping her close to his chest; almost as if she was but a fleeting bird that was bound to escape from his arms at any moment. She could hear the faint rhythm of his heart-- the one that beats only for her. Aside from the synchronized cadence of the lover’s hearts, the sweet melody of the gramophone’s record could be heard from the background as well as it accompanied the loving atmosphere created in the young lovers’ presence. ‘Eddie, My Love’ by The Chordettes had been playing, and Todd thought of no other song to perfectly describe the unconditional devotion that he feels for his lover.

“How was your day, my love?” The lady inquired, grazing her fingertips along his jaw. Todd tipped his head down to meet her eyes-- oh, how her beautiful, gleaming eyes bewitched him and captivated his soul-- and replied, “It really wasn’t all that great. Mr. Keating made me read in class earlier and I just couldn’t gather the courage to speak at all.” With that, his lover’s smile slowly broke into a frown-- making Todd frown as well. “But you’re here now, and that’s all it takes to make my day better,” Todd assured her as his lips leaned into her forehead, giving her a feather-like kiss. As his lover snuggled in closer to his chest, Todd found himself to be more and more infatuated with her. The music sounded sweeter, the bed became softer, and the colors of the room began to appear bolder-- all because he was safe in his lover’s embrace.

[sallymareeq]

in love

Headcanons for makeout sessions with Todd A. and (gn!) reader

<Atention: Modern AU where Neil lives, and Welton’s a boys & girls school.

Warnings: +16 content, TV-MA, if you're under 16y or feel uncomfortable with the prompt please do not interact! Nothing way too explicit, but there's a lot of sexual insinuation. >

Note: Y/n - your name/ Y/Ln - your last name/ Y/fn - your friend’s name; I will do a series in this prompt with each of the poets separately! Also, I hope the anon who sent me the Todd request likes it hehehe

Tagging: @graciehams; https://duxpuella.tumblr.com/post/653728372251410432/i-will-take-this-as-a-yes-and-do-it ;

Also, here’s my Todd playlist, hope you enjoy it!

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Todd has two types of kisses. The first one is just a peck on the lips when you're in public, is very lovely and sweet. But when you're alone, he will kiss you very intensely. Both hands are on your waist, keeping you as close as possible. When he's done, you'll hear an "I love you..." whispered at your ear along with his heavy breathing.

Lead him, I beg you. Todd likes for you to have control of the situation and doesn't mind being guided and told what to do as well.

His favorite and only place for makeout sessions is his dorm. Especially his bed. It's comfortable, soft, private, and safe. Todd will always lock up the door, that way he can take his time with you without worrying about getting caught or interrupted.

Your first time was... intense. Very intense. Todd likes to take his time with you, slow and always. You were his first partner. Although it was hard to believe he had no experience since things went so naturally. He built up the tension painfully slow and very lovingly, especially since your faces are always close and he can hear the loving sounds escaping your mouth.

Most likely to caress you while building the tension. His touch would be firm and delicate so you can have a sense of stability. Todd's favorite place to caress is your waist and back, that way he can keep your body pressed against his all along.

His way to make you relax is by professing his love to you. Stating things he loves in your body and personality, or simply saying 'I love you' again and again. He will not ask, but say it back, please?

Todd is a sweet partner and likes for you to have maximum comfort. So clean bedsheets and an organized room are his way to provide that. Also, if it's cold enough, his softest blanket is yours.

Todd will not tell you when he's in the mood. His signs are also subtle, like a longer peck or perhaps keeping you closer than usual. Once you're alone, ask, and he will be honest.

Finally, Todd loves to fall asleep in your arms. Extra points if you stroke his hair and let him be the little spoon.

Hope you like it! I take requests by ask! (info on requests);

Also, you’ll find more of my writing here.

[sallymareeq]

Help i love this

Surprise Cuddle Sessions

requested by outsiders anon: "FLUFF? YES OK RIGHT SO- y/n randomly turning up to one of the poet's houses. Deadass 1 am. And they're like guess what, I got the blankets I got the chocolate and I got the coffee so u know what we're gonna turn those depressos into espressos. AND EVERYONE IS HAPPY AND NOT DEAD. THEY'RE THE ALIVE POETS SOCIETY, THEODORE - outsiders anon"

{YES The Alive And Well and Happy Poets Society}

Todd Anderson x reader

trigger warnings: mentions of Todd's Parent's shitty-ness, some swearing

Premise: You know how tough Todd's Parents can be on him, and how hard it can be for him during Winter break away from Welton and the rest of the poets, so you decide to surprise him with a visit.

{Okay so, in my head, Jeff has a fiancée, her name is Becky, she's a music major, she is the nicest human being}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Todd usually hated winter break.

Well, hate is a strong word, their were a few good parts, but hate seemed the closest he could get to describing his feelings over the two weeks; at least, it would be the word he used if anyone ever asked him.

The moment he had gotten home, he thought that there had been hope that not all of his vacation would be spent being ignored or compared to Jeff; his mother had gone on asking him questions about his classes and his friends, and the last time he had even spoken with Jeff, his brother had said there might not even be a chance of his coming home for the holidays, what with traffic, and his fiancée trying to get time off.

But then the phone had rang, and after a few minutes of excited chatter, Todd's mother announced, "That was Jeffery! He and Rebecca just got their train tickets! They should be here in a few hours!"

"Oh boy..." Todd had half grumbled, even his complaining gone unnoticed as his parents began to talk on and on about Jeff and his Fiancée Becky.

After his brother arrived, Todd faded into the background, unnoticed unless he was being compared to Jeff.

Throughout the parties his family hosted and attended, it seemed the only ones who would really see him in any other way was his brother himself, and Becky.

He'd been glad to have real conversations with them, it almost made him feel like he was back home at Welton, with you and the rest of the poets.

Almost.

That was how he found himself sitting up at his desk, fairly late into the night, after the last of the guests had finally left, skimming through the poetry book you'd gifted him as an early Christmas present before leaving the school.

He hardly even noticed the first pebble that knocked against his window. It took two more to get his attention, and another after that for him to actually realize it was coming from his window.

Frowning, he got up, moving over to push back his curtains, confused when he saw you standing on the lawn, waving up at him.

Quickly he slid his window open, "(y/n)? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Visiting you!" You grinned, adjusting your backpack straps, "Come down and let me in!"

"(y/n)- I- I- can't- I can't do that! My parents will kill me!"

You half frowned, looking around for a moment before deciding, "Fine. I'll come to you then."

"Wait- (y/n)- you can't- you can't just-" Todd tried to object, but you were already scaling the trellis, making your way up until you were level with him in the window.

"Hi." You smiled, leaning forward to press a kiss to the tip of his nose.

"Hey." He couldn't help but chuckle.

You grinned, glancing past him into his room, "So are you gonna move and let me in, or am I going to just be hanging from the outside of your house for the rest of my life?"

Almost flustered Todd quickly moved out of the way, helping you over the sill.

Inside, you looked around his room, moving over to his desk as he hurried to close the window, "How'd you know which room was mine?"

"It's almost midnight and you were the only one with a light on. From what I know of crazy- and what I know of you..." You trailed off with a quiet chuckle.

Todd smiled softly, "So- what's with the backpack?"

"Oh!" Your eyes seemed to light up as you pulled it from your back, "I almost forgot. I brought the short story book you got me, the softest blanket I own, and hot chocolate!"

As you listed them, you pulled these items from your backpack, setting the thermos and cups onto his desk ceremoniously.

"Why... exactly?"

"So we can hang out, and cuddle," You said, as if it were obvious; when Todd still seemed confused, you sighed, moving over to him and taking his hand, "I- ... I know that winter break if rough for you... I figured this might make you feel better."

After a moment, Todd sighed, "Okay- I'll pour the cocoa."

That was how Todd found himself cuddled up in bed with you, softly reading as your fingers carded through his hair. If from the next room over Jeff or Becky heard anything and teased him tomorrow, he would've thought it worth it.

Maybe Winter Break wasn't that bad.

[sallymareeq]

It’s always “what is your favorite color?” and never “what are your thoughts on the intensely queer coded relationship of Neil Perry and Todd Anderson in the 1989 film ‘Dead Poets Society’”

[sallymareeq]

Under the Willow Tree

⚠️18+ [Minors DNI]⚠️

Summary:

"He moved a hand to your face, caressing your smooth cheek, and in that moment the world disappeared." A picnic under the willow tree with your "best friend" Todd. sappy lovey romantic poetic smut ok this will def become a series

Notes:

reader can be any race and weight as long as they are not bald :) comments are highly appreciated

It had been a year since the Welton Henley Hall merge and you had been living on the new west wing of the ‘strictly girls’ boarding houses for a while. Through classes you had finally made friends with boys you found respectable. You had your little group, Neil, Knox, Poppy, Charlie, Meeks and Pitts, Cameron, you and Todd.

You and Poppy had been the first to join Mr Keatings english class and she, being the extrovert she is, immediately connected with the horniest boy in the room, Dalton. Through being dragged along on awkward dates you did get to know Charlie and thankfully also his wingman Neil. Through Neil and Charlie you were introduced to the rest of the poets.

You began forming a connection with all of them, helping Neil rehearse for his plays because you loved to watch him act, working on a radio with Meeks and Pitts, going on walks with Knox to pick flowers, and getting study tips from Cameron.

But the time you cherished the most was the time you spent reading and writing and talking with Todd. Todd, like you, had a shy exterior, you had to be introduced by friends and at first your conversations were awkward and stilted, punctuated by furtive glances and blushed cheeks but eventually you just clicked. Todd soon became your best friend and you each saw a side of each other no one else had.

Late afternoons you would read Whitman under a willow tree in a hidden patch of the forest, sometimes Todd would get up and start dancing and laughing as he read, grabbing you by the hands to spin you around until you both tumbled over. One of Todd's favorite activities though was listening to you sing. Once he found out you could, he spent a week begging you to sing him something, even a little, until you finally agreed, under the condition that you got to play with his smooth, dirty blonde hair.

You had always wondered what it felt like, it always looked so soft and clean. So one warm Saturday afternoon, sitting on a blanket under the willow, Todd slowly lay his head in your skirt as you began to sing. An old gospel song you had learnt in sunday school, years ago,

As I went down in the river to pray Studying about that good old way And who shall wear the robe and crown Good Lord, show me the way.

Todds eyelashes fluttered shut as you ran your fingers back through his hair, reveling in its softness,

O brothers let's go down Let's go down, come on down Come on brothers let's go down Down in the river to pray

A soft smile crossed his rosy lips and you began to notice the light dusting of freckles against his alabaster skin.

As I went down in the river to pray Studying about that good old way And who shall wear the starry crown Good Lord, show me the way.

You stopped singing as Todd sat up, twisting so you faces were inches apart, his hair was messy, his lips slightly parted and his blue eyes were clouded with love. His hands were either side of you against the tree in an almost protective position and in a slow, dream-like trance you raised your hand to feel his cheek with your thumb. His skin was soft and warm and connecting to it like this stirred something inside you. He continued to breathe, staring longingly into your eyes as you moved your fingers across to his lips, so soft and inviting, his warm breath brushing your fingers. He moved a hand to your face, caressing your smooth cheek, and in that moment the world disappeared. You saw, as if from a bird's-eye view, two young lovers under a willow tree, body’s so close they shared the same air. A boy with his blue sweater, unbuttoned collar peeking out the top and khaki pants. A girl, her hair tied with a bow, wearing the boy's oversized cable knit sweater and a small skirt. You watched for a moment, admiring how perfect they looked together until you heard, or rather felt your name whispered against your lips.

‘Y/N’ the poet breathed ‘can i’ he glanced down at your rosy lips ‘may i kiss you?’

Your lips met fully as you fell into his warmth, he tasted like sunset and home. You lifted your chin as he pulled you in, gently placing a hand on the small of your back, pressing you as close as possible. You arched into him as you deepened the kiss longing to feel more of him, your hands moving from his warm chest to his soft hair. It felt like flying, kissing Todd Anderson, so gentle and yet so firm, so sweet and so lustful, a dance in perfect time. You broke the kiss, only to catch your breath and Todd rested his forehead against yours breathing, his now glossy lips revealing a row of perfect white teeth.

‘Wow’ he sighed

‘Wow’ you looked into his adoring eyes.

And as Todd opened his mouth to speak again a sudden need rushed through your body and you kissed him passionately. He was taken aback for a moment but quickly tightened his grip on your waist, holding your body's flush, together you rose to your knees as you leaned back into his hands. Todd kissed you hungrily, in a way you couldn't expect from him, and as your tongues met you felt yourself grow increasingly aroused at the closeness.

Todd slowly began kissing down your jaw to your neck eliciting soft moans as you began to tug at the hem of his sweater. He leaned back and removed it with a cat-like grin that you had never seen before but that made you want him more than possible. You lifted your arms as he removed your (well his) sweater and began feverishly unbuttoning your tight, white tshirt. His long fingers made quick work of your shirt as he pushed it down your shoulders, still kissing you hotly. He leaned back, hands on your waist, to admire your flawless skin. He ran a light hand over your collar bone as you melted to his touch, his hand traveled down your side, carefully avoiding your breast, to your stomach where he rubbed his thumb over the skin. He looked up at you through his long lashes then down at your low cut, blue floral bra, and more importantly your soft round breasts.

He glanced up again questioningly,

‘Please Todd’ you whispered ‘Touch me’

That confirmation was all he needed to cup his large hand around one of your breasts, kneading it softly and groaning at the feeling. He moved his head down toward them and glanced up a final time before his wet mouth connected with the skin covering your sternum. Slowly he traveled down your cleavage before moving to your left breast leaving small love bites in his wake. You hummed in pleasure as he pulled away the fabric, his hot breath hitting your exposed nipple. He sucked it into his mouth, tongue circling the sensitive skin causing you to whine breathily. Once he was satisfied with the left he moved on to the right still groping the left as he did. Once he had you leaning back on your arms, squirming and moaning his name he pulled away, you whined at the loss of connection until you saw him begin to unbutton his white shirt. You sat up staring longingly as more of his pale, lightly freckled chest was revealed, his muscles were taught and clearly visible, he looked as if he was carved from stone and as he shrugged off his shirt you felt your mouth begin to water. You sat up fully, holding him by the shoulders, cheeks touching as you breathed in his scent, distinctly masculine, like freshly washed sheets or a newly opened book, it filled your chest and stomach and back as you shut your eyes and basked in it. You moved together, not kissing, but breathing, feeling the pull of each other's energy.

You ran your hands down his freckled shoulders observing the rise and fall of his muscles, down his forearms covered in light blonde hairs, to his hands, silky and veined. You brought his hand to your mouth kissing the pads of his fingers and slowly inviting his pointer and middle into your mouth, you licked and sucked sensuously as he stared at the lustful sight. Drawing back, you licked saliva from your lips and continued your exploration. As you began kissing down his chest, feeling his warm skin you caught a glimpse of his bulge, straining against the front of his pants. He lowered himself onto his elbows as you savoured the feeling of his abs on your lips, you felt his hand brush through your hair to your cheek as he lifted your face and looked lovingly into your eyes.

‘hey, you know you don't have to do anything you don't want to right?’ Todd said earnestly

“Little you know” you began to quote as you sensually crawled up his body, ‘the subtle electric fire for your sake playing within me.’ you finished with a soft kiss to his lips.

‘Whitman’ He smiled

‘i fear i am in love’ you mused

‘And i quite the same’ he whispered hot against your lips ‘O to draw you to me, O to be yielded to you, coming naked to me at night,'

'And you to be yielded to me, in defiance of the world’ he spoke as if kissing, moving and breathing and teasing.

‘Your body to me is sweet, clean, loving, strong,’ you spoke kissing his jaw

‘Your eyes are more to me than poems,’ you began traveling back down his neck

‘Your lips do better than play music,’ down his hot chest

‘The lines of your cheeks, the lashes of your eyes, are eloquent to me,’ over the hills and valleys of his toned abdomen

‘This face is flavor’d fruit ready for eating.’ you unbuttoned his trousers

‘You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh,’ unzipping them slowly

‘You take of my hair, breast, hands, in return,’ kissing his hip bones

‘Our flesh, and even a part of our flesh,’you lock eyes with the sandy haired poet, light eyes now dark with lust,

‘seems more than senses and life.’ he finishes for you as you remove his trousers and boxers in one fluid motion, freeing his throbbing member.

Todd sucked in a breath, cock twitching at the sudden cold as it sprung from his boxers. You stared in awe at his glistening member, already dripping with precum, it was large, more than 6 inches, and erect. You looked up at him unsure.

‘I have never done this before’

‘Its ok’ Todd assured ‘I'll tell you what feels good and what doesn't’

And you trusted him to do so.

You leaned forward, taking the tip into your mouth as you tasted him, warm and slightly salty, but knowing it was Todds made it taste like lust. You lowered, taking as much into your mouth as you could, Todd hummed with pleasure and let out a low moan when you felt the tip hit the back of your throat.

‘Mm yes, perfect’

His praise swallowed you whole as you began acting on instinct, taking what couldn’t fit into your mouth in hand, you began to bob your head up and down, slowly hitting the back of your throat every time. Your mouth filled with saliva and precum, dripping out onto your chin. Todd lovingly used his free arm to hold back your hair as you worked. His head fell back as he continued to groan and whisper your name like a prayer. You felt him guide your head faster and you swirled your tongue slightly causing his hips to buck. This involuntary show of desire caused you to moan around his cock, sending vibration through his body, his lips came together to stifle a moan and he whispered breathlessly.

‘Fuck Y/N im getting close, should i-’

But his words were cut off by a long, drawn out ‘fuck-’ as you took his entire length into your hot, wet mouth. He gripped your hair tightly and you felt his cock twitch as hot salty liquid shot down your throat, you swallowed as much as you could, longing to be filled with his love, and as you pulled back, come and spit dripping from your chin to your breasts, he stared, open mouthed.

‘If I am to have so much, let me have more, Drunken and crazy with love, swing in its plummetless sea.’ he recited

You bashfully wiped your mouth as you sat back on your heels.

‘Oh my- that was perfect’ Todd spoke

His eyes scanned your body

‘i have never bared witness to something so breathtakingly beautiful’ he started, holding you with a loving gentleness, ‘so sweet, so lovely’ he smiled as he began to lay you down,’so kind and fulfilling’ he removed your skirt exposing your matching floral panties, now soaked, ‘and sensual’ he mouthed at your navel, ‘something i want’ he breathed pressing a kiss to your hip bone, ‘something i need’ kissing the other, he moved to face your hot core, leaving wet kisses up your thighs ‘bid away matters of the mind, and think only with your heart’ Your head falls back, mouth open wide as you arch into the feeling of Todd's wet tongue running over your panties, but before you can moan out his name he captures your lips in a wet, sensuous kiss, the friction of his tongue being replaced by his long, capable fingers. He hooks his fingers under the waist of the garment and looks to you for permission before slowly pulling them down.

‘I have never done this before either’ Todd admitted as he leaned forward to kiss you

‘I trust you Todd’ you felt him grow harder at your words.

With newfound confidence he tentatively swiped two fingers through your folds, stopping when he felt you shudder at contact with your sensitive bundle of nerves. He quickly glanced back up at you,

‘Good or bad?’ he questioned,

‘Good… really good’ you breathed as he began to circle your clit.

You stared lovingly into his face as he slowly widened his circles until he stopped at your entrance,

‘Todd’ you said softly,

‘Hm?’ he looked up at you in that Todd way, mouth slightly open, blue eyes innocently questioning, dirty blond hair parted to one side.

‘Im a virgin’ you breathed against his lips,

The thought had never crossed your mind since you came to Welton, Poppy had always talked about sex and how great Charlie was in bed but you had never met anyone you thought you could trust with your body, so open and vulnerable, until you met Todd. With him everything just felt so right, a perfect boy, a handsome man, a lover.

‘I want you to be the one’ you whispered,

He kissed you softly, much slower than before but something felt different, like he had transferred part of his soul with that kiss and just as slowly and with as much care, he pressed his warm finger into you. You both shut your eyes, enjoying the sensation, he groaned at the feeling of you clenching around his long nimble finger, growing almost unbearably hard. You moaned loudly as he curled his finger hitting a spot that sent a rush through you.

‘Please Todd- Please’ you whined biting your lip

‘Please what petal, please what?’ Todd urged, eager to please

‘Faster’ you panted.

Todd was a fast learner as he soon found a pace that had you heaving for breath and begging for more all at once, he slowed slightly but before you could complain he added a second finger, pumping them into your throbbing core.

You bit your lip as a mix of pain and pleasure rocked through your body

‘Is that o-’ you swallowed Todd's question in a kiss that neither of you could ever forget, hot and wet and sweet, your tongues working in harmony, both of you making obscene noises as you felt the knot in your stomach grow tighter.

‘Todd i need you’

‘Im here, i'm here whatever you need’ he breathed still pumping in and out of you

‘I need all of you please’ you whined needily.

‘Ok’ he removed his fingers from your warmth and smoothed your lust onto his already hardened cock.

Kneeling in front of you he teased your entrance with his tip as you gazed dreamily up at his figure, the gold afternoon sun peaking through the branches left his pale skin gleaming with sweat. He looked down at you, laying sprawled on the blanket, had it been only this morning you considered each other friends, no, you had been much more from the moment your eyes met. Love. love was the only word to describe how you felt as Todd leaned his forehead against yours and slowly, slowly pressed his way inside of you. The world disappeared inch by inch as his length filled you up, you felt no pain this time, only an all-encompassing sense of wholeness. Your thoughts, feelings, memories became one as he slowly began thrusting into you, nuzzling into your soft hair and breathing heavily. It was just the two of you, breathing and moaning as you moved closer toward a shared bliss. You sucked at his neck, nibbling on a spot behind his ear that made him let out an almost whimper. He raised the hand that wasn't supporting him to your neck, not to choke but to feel your pulse. The feeling of his strong, smooth hand at your neck sent you reeling as you whispered his name frantically.

‘yes, Todd, Please, I love you, i love you, fuck, fuck’

With every thrust he lightly kissed your face, your cheeks, nose, eyelids, running his fingers through your hair. This moment was nothing like how Poppy had described it, not hot and dirty and rough and loud and forbidden, it was warm and sweet and kind and lovely and true. A moment of connection between two fated souls, under the shade of a willow tree.

The feeling was beyond words, beyond feeling, it was poetic. The passion in his movements pushed you to the edge of what you knew to be true, staring into his deep blue eyes, you knew you were close, you both knew. His movements slowed, becoming more sloppy as you both teetered on the edge of release. Your lips connected as you felt a wave of pleasure crash over you both, the feeling so great you moaned into each other's mouths. You rode out your orgasms, panting between kisses, Todds face buried in your neck. He rolled onto his back and you snuggled into his warm chest, listening to his heartbeat.

“I would quote whitman but right now i can only think of you” he sighed

You giggled as you passed him his pants.

He redressed clumsily as you gathered your clothes and jumpers.

You sat together talking quietly as he buttoned your shirt and you fixed up his hair.

“You're so good to me Todd” you smiled as he fixed your collar.

‘Well i just love you’ he said so casually he even took himself by surprise,

‘Where ever did I find you’ you shook your head smiling contently.

You lay with your head in his lap this time, reading Whitman while he picked the surrounding wildflowers, as you put the book down Todd blushed, he had made you a flower crown. You sat up and turned so he could place it on your head.

He smiled ‘you look like a woodland nymph’

You picked a small white flower- a spring beauty- and stuck it in his still slightly messy hair.

‘You're so very pretty Todd’

As the sun grew orange in the sky you began making your way back to the courtyard, probably looking like a pair of strays, hair full of flowers and clothes a mess, holding hands and smiling blissfully.

[sallymareeq]

Midnight In Her Arms

Summary:

Girls are finally at Welton and Neil is Immediately in love, Fluff and romance ensue. Neil x Femme

Notes:

first fic, im trying but i, like all fanfic writers, wrote this past my bedtime on a school night so enjoy.

Neil still remembered that stunned moment in the cave, Charlie had just announced his article published in the name of the Dead Poets demanding girls be admitted to Welton. A fleeting moment of excitement followed by a rush of panic, of course, it's what every guy there wanted, but still. Charlie certainly got a beating for that one. But looking back now he really took one for the team, his article could have been the thing to spark the formation of the Welton Hall preparatory board, proposing Welton and Henley Hall have merged lessons. Nuwanda’s radical behaviour finally shook Mr Nolan into realizing the distraction a lack of co-ed interaction can cause in teenage boys, and like that, all classes in the high school merged to the Welton Campus.

Even still there was pushback from concerned parents of Henley Hall girls, resulting in a maximum of 50 girls joining the school of 400 boys. Mr Keeting had always been pro-merge, stating that “in order to appreciate beauty we must expand our knowledge and see with new eyes”, Neil had to admit he was happy about the merge. It would be interesting to hear poetry and ideas from a girl's perspective, it would also be interesting to talk to a girl, to laugh with a girl, to kiss a girl.

The first day of the merge only one girl was assigned to Mr Keating's English class, Jenny Maree. She was small and quiet with dark brown hair that had a slight auburn tint in the light, her rosy lips and evergreen eyes stood out against her smooth, alabaster skin. Neil wasn't sure why he noticed her so, it could have been because she was one of the first girls he really got to look at, but it also could have been because she was really quite nice to look at. Neil felt he finally understood what Mr Keating meant about appreciating beauty, he thought he could write an epic about the way he felt as his eyes travelled from her face, down her smooth neck to her chest, her hips, her thighs.

He could never tell her, firstly out of shame but secondly because he was sure she could never find him attractive, why would she go for him when she could pick Knox or Charlie or Todd. Still he couldn't help but smile to himself when he thought he caught her eyes flicker away from his in class, a light pink blush dusting her cheeks.

After months of classes and many easy conversations on the way to class, Neil finally realized not only how beautiful Jenny was but how insightful and profound her writing was. Listening to her smooth song-like voice recite observations of the romanticism of a flower's new bloom, or the tragedy of time, was like nothing else to him. He realized he may be in love when he sat down to write a poem for class and all he could think about was her, all he could write about was her.

He sat at his desk, a cool breeze blowing through the cracked window lightly ruffling his hair, he set his pencil down and hung his head back with a sigh. “what's wrong?” Todd questioned from his bed. “I can't.. Write” sighed Neil dreamily. “Well why not?” “I can't, stop thinking about” Neil stared out the window “Jenny Maree” “Jenny?” Todd smirked, Neil looked at him. “Fair enough, she’s really quite brilliant” “She is” “You should talk to her,” Todd added casually. “I already do todd, we’re friend’s, we walk to class together” “No but like- actually talk to her. Invite her for lunch,” Todd chuckled to himself “ooor a midnight stroll and some poetry reading like Charlie” Neil laughed before picking up his pencil again “you know that's not a half bad idea Toddy, but it still doesn’t help my poem” Neil huffed “stop trying to fight it,” Todd advised “just write your poem about her, then you can talk about it after class” Neil thought for a moment then wrote a title, Miss.

The next Friday in class it was time for the oral examination on their personal poetry piece. Charlie got up and read his short prose on freedom, then Knox with his Haiku on love, then Todd with a brilliant piece about train of thought, then it was Neil. As he stood to read his paper, Mr Keating winked at him and nodded assuringly, he smiled back and took a deep breath in, trying not to look at Jenny and her soft, sweet smile.

Miss Midnight in her arms, A moment to ourselves, Real and full and true. Everything is clear, Evergreen our love shall be.

He looked up as Todd smirked proudly, and Charlie gave him a sarcastic thumbs up from the back of the classroom, but all Neil could see in that moment were Jenny’s evergreen eyes, pupils enlarged with admiration. “A lovely poem indeed Mr Perry” chirped the Captain as he stood “i'm sure we all envy the ‘Miss’ for whom this poem was written” he smiled knowingly, glancing in the direction of Jenny. “Anywhoom, Miss Maree, care to share with us your splendid piece?” Neil watched as she slowly stood and walked, hips swaying slightly, to the front of the classroom. She turned and to Neils Surprise she was smiling at him. Once again her eyes flicked away and she began to read.

Heart Writing poetry is painful, when love is absent, Longing, pining, admiring, Birth writing from the heart, But in doing so they take parts with them, Until the heart is but a half, But if love can be found In another half heart And as they begin to beat as one They give life to something new The most profoundly unique piece of art life.

(ill add more i swear)

[sallymareeq]

Entry 5

sometimes i find when i'm ruminating about my past and present and future i find myself almost crying because of something i thought. not in a poetic or beautifully meaningful way but in a way that is in some ways sad. a thought resembling the words of a kind therapist that make you cry and feel ok at the same time. "you don't have to keep trying" "your doing well" "you are exceedingly strong given your circumstances" "you don't need to be better" "living for yourself isn't selfish" "friends and lovers will come, live for yourself and you will cross paths with people made for you" "you can relax it will all be ok".

[sallymareeq]

branches of a tree

limbs reaching into the universe

can be seen much clearer

once the leaves have fallen

Millions of possibilities 

Billions of futures

A forest of souls

(this is cute)

[sallymareeq]

Entry 4

(ok full trauma dump ig- unedited bc idk)

What the fuck. I have spent so much time sitting in silence doing stuff and thinking about my past and life and it made me realise stuff that i forgot until now. I vividly remember walking on the oval with my group of friends when i was ten, my best friends who i saw almost all day 5-6 days a week, and i had stopped walking to get something from my lunch box, i looked up and saw they had continued walking, none of them stopping or even looking back, not one. To the point where they wouldn't even get me after 20 minutes, i would walk back to class after lunch and they didn't even ask where i had been, its like i was never there. I think this started my issue with self-imposed invisibility. I started to notice it everywhere, friends wouldn't message me if i didn't message first, i wouldn't get invited places until i asked, people didn't talk to me unless i engaged with them. Its not like i was ignored, its just i was only noticed when i actively disturbed them. Not once has someone said my name to get my attention to tell me something, not once has someone walked up to me and started talking, and never have people waited while i got food or tied my shoe. At ten years old i had a crisis considering if anyone would even notice if i completely disappeared. I would have dreams about how people would react if i was kidnapped, wondering if they would regret not talking to me. I think this invisibility is a part of what led to my quietness now. I became self-conscious about how annoying people found me after being bullied, berated and told straight to my face that that was the reason people didn't like me. I internalised this and thus stopped pushing and talking when not provoked because that would make me less annoying, only interacting and sharing when invited. I suppose this plan would have worked, if people invited me. But i was invisible, so now with me not inviting myself into conversations and situations, i was completely isolated. 

Still to this day i have moments where i think to myself, wow it feels like im fucking invisible, and now all i can think about is the little ten year old with rabbit teeth and a pixie cut who was invisible. 

[sallymareeq]

Entry 3

(preface- ok stfu about my angsty mental breakdown poetry)

Are we not all depressed poets 

Longing for the picturesque at all costs

(ok i was shitty with the secret history nerds being so up themselves(me))

Beauty isnt pain 

It is the fear of not

It is longing 

It is grounded and ascending 

It is light and dark

Peace and fear

Sad, so sad

Hopeless 

Yet hopeful.

It is youth 

And it is age,

It is growing.

Consuming

Love

Beauty

(ngl that slapped)

Ive spent so long whispering ive forgotten how to speak, my voice is breathy and cracks with every attempt at normal speech. But i can sing, oh, i can sing.

[sallymareeq]

Entry 2

( preface- TW- suicide, also lmao)

Maybe i should just kill myself

This is a phrase that runs through my head maybe once a day. Its dangerous and untrue for the most part but it hurts and i fear that one day my desensitization of the concept will come back to bite me

Why am i so worthless and alone, i thought that after getting an autism diagnosis i would finally have an answer but now the two concepts seem distant and i am unable to connect them. I act just the same as everyone else, how is it that my autism can subconsciously barge through without my knowledge and thwart my every attempt at friendship. WHAT THE FUCK. i am resorting back to my pre-autism, pre-acceptance, thought spiral about what i can possibly be doing wrong to ruin everything for myself, so much self-scrutiny still has me coming up short, no answers, and subsequently, i have no close friends to consult about my issues.

[sallymareeq]

Entry 1

*context- i was having such a bad mental breakdown that i, as a person with sensory issues and severe anxiety, fell asleep on top of my bed fully clothed with my window wide open in the dark, but prior to that i wrote them absolute mess*

Dear Diary

i think I should write this stuff down before it eats me up inside and kills my soul, but writing hurts my hands and talking like anyone cares makes me hate myself.

I hope i never read this, i don't think it would be good for me. I hardly know what im writing but i don't care, i guess im just spilling my endless stream of thoughts,  staring at the black keys, not looking up at my obvious spelling mistakes, i dont care, that red squiggly line can suck my dick.

Tomorrow i think i need to go for a walk and see the cats at rescue or maybe catch a bus so i don't get tired, that will either make me feel ok, or worse, idk yet.

I think im depressed, i dont really feel anything and i  dont want to do anything anymore, i feel nothing. This isnt the sad depressed i used to feel when i was little, numb from sadness and self-hatred. This came on all on its own, or maybe the stress from school caused it. I have no  idea. Im not sad, but im not anything except tired and over it, everything is a chore.

I dont like doing anything but i dont like doing nothing. i try to do things to energise myself and feel something, i go for walks thinking being outside will help my mental health, doing something, the most i feel is when i walk down the street to the servo and get junk food like iced coffe and donuts. I feel accomplished buying something, until i get home and despise myself for spending money and eating junk food, im so stressed and disappointed it sucks.

We arent poor my dad has just instilled in me a frugality which i hate, i can never be happy when i buy things no matter how much i like them and how happy they make me.

I HATE MYSELF! Thats all i can think when i spend money and yet i do every day, i cant help it. I feel bad if i dont because i think that the thing i want to buy will finally be the thing that makes me feel, but as soon as i do, i feel like shit and every time i use the thing i feel an overwhelming sense of stress over the money it cost and if it was really worth it. Money has been one of my main stressors since i was 8 or so. I refuse to think about money if i can help it because it moves me from no mood to a bad mood.

I have BPD, i know it, my parents dont want to believe it but i know it. i was right about ADHD ASD and anxiety, even through all their doubts. When i know, i know. If i dont have BPD like the ADHD and the ASD then it just means that i am fuck up of my own accord.

Im too tired to fix it so i blame it on a mental condition so i can stop trying to fix it for a bit. I can pretend i have it under control and move it to the back of my mind. Thats why im always at least a little stressed. Thats why i can cry on cue. Someday i will die of a stress-induced heart attack. My brow permanently furrowed because im too mediocre.

*jesus christ that was morbid*

[sallymareeq]

Dear Diary

Starting this part of my blog which will become a collection of my mental breakdown-induced ramblings. These already exist in a Word document but i am putting them here so i can feel like im doing something. <3