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I’ve been doing really well with dieting this week. I’ve been doing more dieting than exercising, which I know is not a good balance for the body I would like to have. However, I’ve been so sleepy lately. I’ve just been doing what I need to do to get through the day.

Also, I have some co-morbid mental illnesses that I have been focusing my attention on, so exercise has been an afterthought. If you are interested, I have most recently been diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder with obsessive compulsive tendencies, Social Anxiety, and episodic major Depressive Disorder. In the past, I’ve lived through OCD (currently in remission and not showing enough for a full diagnosis), OSFED/EDNOS Atypical Anorexia (from 13-18 years old), Bulimia Nervosa (18- present ish). (read more on my pillow-cases-on-halloween blog)

While I would love to put all my attention on my weight loss, my mental health matters more. I also am currently working on a doctorate program, so I am a bit preoccupied. But, moral of the story, it still is possible to lose weight. So that’s cool.

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Getting a revived motivation from seeing my progress, I did some extra toning exercises :)

I got hungry though, so I had a snack, but a healthy body is one that is well fed.

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I haven’t posted for a while, but I have been really busy and not really exercising all that much, though I have stuck to my diet and was active throughout my normal day to day activities.

And it all paid off. I lost 12 pounds since my birthday! I am not sure if it shows all that much, but I’d like to believe the scale is accurate, right? Either way, from now on, I’ll be using the same scale for my monthly weigh ins, so the pounds lost will be accurate. Even if it is within five pounds of correctness, that is still good, as weight can fluctuate a lot day to day.

I know that I have lost some from my mid section as there are pants that I bought before my birthday that barely fit, but now fit with ease! I’m hoping over the next month that the next 10 lbs will really start to make a difference.

When I gained weight to begin with, it seemed to be all in my thighs. Sucks that you can’t choose where you loose fat, but it will come off in time.

I am elated.

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Study Snack

3 California Rolls - @ 30 calories each - 90 calories 3 Philadelphia Rolls - @ 33 calories each - 100 calories 3 Servings of Green Giant Broccoli, Cauliflower and Carrots with Cheese sauce - @ 45 calories a serving (0.5 cups) - 135 calories 1 New Belgium Session IPA (for the nerves) - @ 140 calories for 12 oz

Total: 465 calories I had a bigger/breakfast and lunch because I was feeling really tired and wanted extra protein to get through my day. I have a paper due tomorrow, and though I am not very stressed about it, I’d like to finish it before bed tonight. It’s due by 2PM tomorrow, so if I am not able to finish all of it, there would be no issue leaving some loose ends for the morning. However, I just don’t want to worry about it an ruin my sleep tonight. Hopefully this snack will help me pull through! If not, there is more sushi and veggies where that came from and I will be able to take mini workout breaks (10 mins each for Calisthenics!!).

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just tried this. Man, my arms are not ready to do that many pushups! but the rest was super fun and made me sweat

Visit for more Fitness Tips

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It’s no longer about talking about it

It’s about doing it

No more one day on, five days off. Every day is on. If I want to lose the weight, I have to lose the weight. It’s time to just focus.

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The most important thing for me to do at this point is go to bed by 10PM every night. I don’t do well on little sleep and it does not allow me to have all the energy I need for a work out. Being tired also leads to bad eating habits, especially late at night or when I am tired throughout the day. I stayed in bed until 9:30AM after falling asleep around 1:30AM. However, I would really like to be up by 7AM so that I can go for a morning walk just to get the blood pumping. I guess I didn’t waste too much time because I didn’t go for a walk. I’m still on schedule, but it will change what I decide to do for the rest of the day in terms of food and exercise.

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My goals each day tend to be to reach below my target (I eat everything I am supposed to eat, but I might work out a bit more). I felt bad today because I ate quite a bit, but I did do a really good workout. My net calories are still slightly under the goal that I set, but I worry that it will get me too relaxed in my eating habits and that I should really be watching where the extra nibbles are coming from. Admittedly, I ate half a cupcake earlier this morning, instead of going home and making lunch I picked it up with school (ended up nearly twice my normal lunch intake), and then after dinner I had a serving of miniature reese’s cups. I think the most important thing I can say is that I really did like what I ate today. I did not binge at any meal and I really did make sure to eat the appropriate food in one sitting. Honestly, if I could eat the same way every day, I would. But it seems far too much and I don’t want to lose sight of my ultimate goal.

I guess the reality is, I am still going to lose weight from today. Even maintaining is better than gaining. And even gaining a little won’t hurt me in the long run. Food is not the enemy, my body is not the enemy, my mind is. I am learning to take control over my life and take back my power over food and exercise. I can do this. Today was a win, even if it wasn’t a huge win!

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I think what this is getting at is a study that was actually conducted on males quite a while ago who ate an artificially low diet of just 1500 calories a day and went about their normal business (meaning they had a net of much lower than that). As a reward, on the 30th day, the gentlemen were treated to quite a big meal. Because of their previous imbalance of water and salt, the day after their big meal, they would often see a great result in loss of pounds. Putting your body through a cycle of calorie intake, meaning in a kind of interval where your low day would be no less than your minimum goal, can help increase your metabolism because your body does not get used to the artificially low calorie intake that you might be putting it through. I wouldn't recommend eating "junk" for those few days, but just eating more. But having a cheat day is way beneficial, not only for your mind, but for your body too. You'll "see" results faster, because instead of getting a water bloat from exercising and dieting, your body will be able to balance the water (especially in your lower abdomen). But don't use this mentality as an excuse to binge and starve. You will NOT see results and you will NOT be able to maintain your weight once you lose it.

Is it true that if you eat healthy and hit a plateau, eating junk food for a couple days then going back to your healthy routine can help with that?

TBH that just sounds like a binge/starve cycle to me. It’s normal to have some treats or cheat meals etc but taking 2 whole days of eating complete cheap isn’t really a good idea or what I’d consider healthy 😦 having extra calories than you usually have on some days every so often, yes can help speed the metabolism, but that does nooooot mean 2 days of complete junk 🙅 it’s not at all the junk food that ups the metabolism, it’s the CALORIES that do so could be of healthy foods!

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I was really hungry before I taught today and new that if I wanted to have a successful and focused workout after the class, I would have to eat before. I was busy writing and did not have time to bike home, so I went to the Which Wich. I’d never been there, but it was in my building, easy, and the nutrition facts were online. I loaded my sandwich with double turkey (lean + protein), went with regular white bread (simple carbs for running), and tons of veggies (vitamins and flavor!!). It was a decent sandwich, though I don’t think I would go there again. The whole meal was quite filling, so I have not eaten since then. I did my gym workout already and will need some recovery food and food to actually make my intake goals at some point, but I decided to head back to school to get a lot of work done (or as much as I can) on my lab that is due this coming Thursday. I’m starting to feel hungry, but my work is a little bit more important right now and hopefully this will get me to not be too distracted and just get through the work so I can go home and eat!!

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Running for Non-Runners

Do you get bored of running but still want to run? Do you injure easily, but still want to run? Do you get out of breath easily but still want to run? Listen to this.

Sometime pushing myself to just keep running does not work (asthma, tendinitis, boredom). So I developed short workouts within my long workout to encourage a full length regime. This is how it generally goes:

Start at 3 mph, every 30 seconds, increase speed by .10 mph (15 minutes) Start at 8 mph and run for 30 secs, then walk for 1 min, repeat (15 minutes) Start at 3.5 mph, every 30 seconds, increase speed by .10 mph (15 minutes) Start at 5 mph, hold speed (15 minutes) The above is more than enough an averages about 4.7 mph, though I might change it along the way and do more or less. I often finish off with a walk between 3-3.5 mph to get to 5 miles total. 5 miles a day is a lot (for real!). It would be fair to just do this particular workout every other day (3 times a week).

For beginners, or those just looking for something new/different. I would recommend doing these in 15 minute sets with breaks in between for stretching and moderate calisthenics. I would also recommend that you just do 30 minutes total running time every day before pushing yourself to do more (I’ve been running for a long time and will often do 8-10 mile runs). For those who are still uncomfortable running, especially on a treadmill, interval training as described in my second set is perfect! Even if you decide your max speed can only be a jog for now and that walking needs to be a bit longer, as long as you are moving and slowly training your body to run, you will be successful.

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I just kept hitting my alarm this morning and missed my morning walk. However, I am feeling really positive today and am ready to get work done and appreciate the extra 1.5 hours of sleep, even if it was slightly interrupted. I had planned for 2 short workouts today anyway, so instead I will do a long one after I teach and take a few pics on the microscope.

As for my intake today, I knew it would be a long day at school, so I made two of my egg white breakfast burritos instead of just one. My professor had german chocolate cupcakes for his birthday, so I took half of one. I know I should avoid snacks, but honestly, just half of one cupcake is not going to ruin my body (it might just mean I should be wary about having reese’s cups later). I might not get to eat again until after my workout, which is okay, though it would be nice not to be hungry all day. I am really good at watching what I eat as long as I watch what I eat, you know what I mean? (as in, I do not give into temptation easily and just give my body what it needs)

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I guess I forgot to mention. I am 5′8″. and was about 5′6″ when my ED started at age 13 in 2004. Three years prior to that low  weight, I weighed 195 lbs. Prior to this summer, that was the highest I had ever weighed in my life. But since I was a child that was nearly 200 pounds, I flipped out and started engaging in disordered behaviors.

While it is easy for people to lose 60 lbs in a year or less, I would often just lose 20 in one month and then go up and down a bit until I decided to lose another 20. This went on for nearly four years. Had I ever just been healthy about the weight loss, I probably would be at my lowest now, and my weight would be a distant memory. But it’s not. I’m just sick and now fat and sick.

I went back to find all he full body pics that I could find since I started using facebook circa 2007/2008. Over the past 8 years, I have changed a lot. When I turned 16, I weight about 145 lbs, by that spring I was nearer and nearer to 130. Something happened over the summer that changed my drive to keep losing weight and I put on nearly 30 pounds by the fall of my senior year. After an ankle injury and forced refeeding, I slowly gained until I was 185 by the spring of my senior year. I was mostly maintaining muscle at that point and continued to do so in my first year of college, but was down to around 175 in the spring of my freshman year while doing track. Due to stress related to the illness and then eventual passing of my grandmother and my uncle, I was back to 160 by the end of my sophomore year. Continued eating right and exercise with my siblings lead to the maintenance of that weight until the fall of my junior year. While dating my first serious boyfriend, I put on 25 lbs (as did he), and was back at 185 by the summer between junior and senior year. I hovered in that range for most of my senior year, though I began slimming out when I went back to serious exercise in the spring. By the summer, I was not happy with my weight and worked on more clean eating and active lifestyle. By time I entered the fall of my first year of grad school, I was down to 172 and mostly maintaining. There were usual ups and downs over the course of the year, but by mid summer between the first and second year, I had gone down to 168 and maintained that through the fall of that year. Added stress and pressure from my second year of my masters program led to a lot of weight gain, particularly in the spring and by graduation I was at 195. Over the course of the summer, from defending my thesis to breaking up with my ex to vacationing and moving, I managed to get up to 207 by my birthday.

Since then, I have exercised at least 3 times a week if not more. While I may not diet every day, I do not eat beyond capacity. But seeing how much my body has changed over 8 years is a little bit encouraging to me. Bodies change. There is no way I’m going to go back to weighing what I did at the peak of my illness (around 135 lbs). I was not built for that weight and was unable to maintain it without continued restriction (meaning, it was not my body’s set weight). But given that I have been able to lose weight overtime in the past, I can do it again now. I currently weight 207 (maybe less at this point) and I would like to be 160 by spring break. My goal is to maintain that weight as best I can, or just slow down the weight loss. I don’t want to be anything less than 145/150 by my 26th birthday. At 16, I was hurting my body to be thin. Now, I want to love my body to be strong and happy. Ten years later, I am going to beat my illness and I am going to lose and maintain a healthy weight for my body.

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I went back to find all he full body pics that I could find since I started using facebook circa 2007/2008. Over the past 8 years, I have changed a lot. When I turned 16, I weight about 145 lbs, by that spring I was nearer and nearer to 130. Something happened over the summer that changed my drive to keep losing weight and I put on nearly 30 pounds by the fall of my senior year. After an ankle injury and forced refeeding, I slowly gained until I was 185 by the spring of my senior year. I was mostly maintaining muscle at that point and continued to do so in my first year of college, but was down to around 175 in the spring of my freshman year while doing track. Due to stress related to the illness and then eventual passing of my grandmother and my uncle, I was back to 160 by the end of my sophomore year. Continued eating right and exercise with my siblings lead to the maintenance of that weight until the fall of my junior year. While dating my first serious boyfriend, I put on 25 lbs (as did he), and was back at 185 by the summer between junior and senior year. I hovered in that range for most of my senior year, though I began slimming out when I went back to serious exercise in the spring. By the summer, I was not happy with my weight and worked on more clean eating and active lifestyle. By time I entered the fall of my first year of grad school, I was down to 172 and mostly maintaining. There were usual ups and downs over the course of the year, but by mid summer between the first and second year, I had gone down to 168 and maintained that through the fall of that year. Added stress and pressure from my second year of my masters program led to a lot of weight gain, particularly in the spring and by graduation I was at 195. Over the course of the summer, from defending my thesis to breaking up with my ex to vacationing and moving, I managed to get up to 207 by my birthday.

Since then, I have exercised at least 3 times a week if not more. While I may not diet every day, I do not eat beyond capacity. But seeing how much my body has changed over 8 years is a little bit encouraging to me. Bodies change. There is no way I’m going to go back to weighing what I did at the peak of my illness (around 135 lbs). I was not built for that weight and was unable to maintain it without continued restriction (meaning, it was not my body’s set weight). But given that I have been able to lose weight overtime in the past, I can do it again now. I currently weight 207 (maybe less at this point) and I would like to be 160 by spring break. My goal is to maintain that weight as best I can, or just slow down the weight loss. I don’t want to be anything less than 145/150 by my 25th birthday. At 16, I was hurting my body to be thin. Now, I want to love my body to be strong and happy. Nine years later, I am going to beat my illness and I am going to lose and maintain a healthy weight for my body.

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My twin and I are going on a cruise for Spring break. The trip is 165 days away. Given my goal is to get down to 160 (47 lbs from last weigh in), I can set my goal to lose 2 lbs per week starting now (this is not accounting for any possible weight already lost from August). I am not sure if I can do that, because that would be about 10 lbs per month and seems to be quite a bit for me at this point in time and based on my past record (not considering my restrictive phase). We’ll see what the results are after my first month’s weigh in and determine if my goal weight is a reasonable one to aim for by my cruise. Otherwise, I will just work to lose as much as I can and try to get to and maintain my goal weight by my next birthday.

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My daily workout goals:

2 hours of light to moderate exercise, either walking/jogging or biking

While light exercise may not always give you the results you want, vigorous exercise really puts a toll on the body. I want something that can be “carefree” and structured and fits into my life as a grad student. Exercise is a way of calming down. When I lose that outlet, I tend to get unmotivated really fast. I want to love what I am doing rather than hate it. It may take longer to lose weight, but the results will be worth it.

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So my icon photo is from a time that I was really happy with my weight. My goal is to look like that girl in that photo. It is quite far away to see, but since then my thighs and lower abdomen have really rounded out and have quite a bit more fat than I am used to dealing with. I wish you could choose where you lose fat, but obviously that would be too much of a luxury.