#// to be clear this isn't strictly about romantic love

[twistedisciple]

♡  — How would your muse define love? Do they believe in soulmates? Do they believe this definition of love is achievable?

Life Philosophy HCs | not accepting

This question was also sent by @rafent

So glad you asked! This post is long overdue and would be a separate meta if I had gotten to writing it sooner.

Love is actually the reason I don't find it appropriate to label Griss as a true psychopath. He's not callous, despite his penchant for violence, and most of his actions can be attributed to his definition of love. I've drawn from three canon lines for this interpretation. The first is from the end of Chapter 23:

Zephia: [...] Why should I die in the dust, while he... While he gets everything he wanted, just like that. Does that seem fair? Now that they know about the shard, they're sure to break it... and he'll know I've met my end--that he's lost me forever. Griss: You gotta really love somebody... if you wanna hurt 'em that badly.

The second is actually from Gregory at the end of chapter 4 of the DLC, when the Winds discuss Nel's heartbreak over Alear:

Zelestia (about Nel): [...] It's only natural she might need some time to herself after that. Mauvier: Ah. I see. Gregory: People's hearts are fragile when they're in love. You gotta be gentle with them, big guy. Madeline: Sounds like you speak from experience, Gregory. Have you been in love before? Gregory: Nope. But I hear it's as terrifying as it is exhilarating.

Gregory also asserts in his S rank support with Alear that he doesn't understand what love is, and curiously shares this exchange in their A rank:

Alear: Fine. If you can’t come to terms with it, here. Take this. Gregory: Wha?! What was that? That wasn’t a punch! You just flicked my forehead. Alear: And that’s all you get. Consider that your punishment. We’ll never speak of this again. Gregory: Haha. Actually, that’s almost a nice sort of pain. I don’t mind it.

There's a running theme of pain and terror in both Griss and Gregory's concepts of love, which makes sense in the context of their abusive parents, the earliest introduction they ever had to "love." I believe that Gregory's inexperience with love and his fear of pain go hand-in-hand, so the reverse of that is Griss' obsession with pain, and therefore greater experience with love. I would argue that Griss is constantly yearning for some deeper connection with another person, and the only way he knows how to convey this feeling is through violence.

[cw physical abuse] He wants others to hit him, because his parents did, the people of the fell church did, Zephia likely did, and everyone else he's encountered and forced into this never-ending cycle ultimately did as well. He's twisted these experiences into corrections of his own failings (his parents hit him because he wasn't good enough, the sages hit him to drive out sin, Zephia hit him to teach him a lesson), and believes that these people wouldn't raise a hand against him if they didn't love him. This is in line with Zephia's belief about how children should be raised, and meeting her may even be the reason he's able to see pain in this way, but that's a topic for another post. [end cw]

While Griss has an internal concept of love, I don't think it's something he can articulate. The definition at its simplest is love = pain. This is the level that he recognizes and can talk about. However, I believe a broader definition is hidden in his actions: love is self-sacrifice. We see this in Gregory as well, since he repeatedly lets himself be hurt in order to protect those close to him. Griss' devotion to Sombron is rooted in self-harm, and while he isn't a knight making some pretty speech about his loyalty for his liege, the same sort of promise is hidden in this line at the beginning of chapter 23:

Zephia: Retreat isn't an option. I will die, if I must, to protect the shard. Griss: You? That's crazy talk. If anyone's dying today, I've got first dibs.

And confirmed at the end when he tells Zephia that he'd never leave her. I believe this is actually the very beginning of Griss' understanding of "real" love, and parallels the definition Gregory eventually settles on with Alear:

Gregory: I’m embarrassed to admit that I don’t really grasp this “love” thing everyone talks about. Gregory: But if love is finding someone so important that you’re terrified of losing them, then maybe… Gregory: I… I want to be by your side, protecting you. Now and always.

Is this definition of love achievable? Yes. Although Griss is almost too far gone to ever have a long-term, stable and healthy relationship like Gregory will eventually get. This isn't something that he regrets though. At least, not at this time. More on the existential crises that come with change later though.

As for soulmates? No, absolutely not.

[livinginadumpster]

The way Dead Boy Detectives handles queerness and labeling of sexuality is honestly so refreshing. The way it's handled makes is very obvious that it's not the kind of media in which characters are assumed straight until proven otherwise; the characters' sexualities are left undefined because the focus isn't on specific labels, it's on the relationships between characters.

As the show goes on, it becomes abundantly clear that the characters' sexualities are a non-factor. Sure, Jenny dates women, but a label is never put on that. Same with Edwin - he is clearly interested in men, but not once in the show is he labeled as gay. It's not necessary in either case; labeling these characters wouldn't add anything to their stories or character arcs. The show is completely relaxed about labels because they're almost never a part of or even relevant to the plot.

And so, in a show that is so utterly unconcerned with labels, it would also be exceeding strange to impose the label of "straight" on any character. Characters like Charles and Crystal, who clearly demonstrate attraction to the opposite gender, don't come across as strictly heterosexual, they come across as people experiencing human emotions. And a character like Niko, who never expresses romantic attraction to anyone, really can't be assumed heterosexual either, because it simply wouldn't be in line with what we know about her.

Heterosexuality never comes across as the default in this universe. It never seemed as if the writers automatically assumed any character, no matter how background, to be straight. Queerness is explored not as a defiance of the norm but as just another way of loving someone. In a world where being queer is always viewed as alternate or deviant, and where coming out is a lifelong process that begins again every time you meet someone new because you're always assumed cishet, this kind of complete abolishment of heteronormativity is a breath of fresh air. Seeing queerness handled in such a casual way onscreen honestly feels a little bit revolutionary.

[heavenlymorals]

Dutch Van Der Linde: An Outdated Progressive

(Warning: This post contains period typical attitudes such as racism and sexism as well as spoilers for RDR2. This retrospective is also pretty damn long too.)

I love Dutch Van Der Linde. Honestly, he is one of my favorite characters ever and just the whole concept of his character and the philosophy of his character as well is something that just sticks with you.

He is charming, intelligent, cultured, charismatic, a right Messiah, and a right bastard all the same time.

But the thing that I believe people most remember about Dutch Van Der Linde is his romantic image. What I mean by this is the things he stood for and the things he wanted to change.

This makes Dutch have a positive image pretty quickly from the very start. In the first scene with him, he's encouraging people, rallying them up, and giving them hope in such an awful situation. He saves Sadie from a terrible fate and asks Hosea to send someone to bury her husband. Arthur and Charles talk fondly of him. He makes it clear in the train robbery that he despises the systems that keep men rich whilst most people starve.

Whether or not Dutch was always cracked, to the characters in the game, he was a great man because of his beliefs and because of his empathy/sympathy.

But what gets me is that a lot of people in this fandom misconstrue Dutch's character into being what we see today as a progressive. I see people saying things like "Bill shouldn't be racist, he's with Dutch's gang" or "why is Micah in the gang" and other similar things as to where people get confused as to why characters with immoral belief systems are respected and active heavy hitters in the gang.

This isn't saying that Dutch isn't progressive because he IS. For his time period, he was VERY progressive.

However, before I get into that, I want to establish some context in terms of the time period that we are talking about.

Theodore Roosevelt was the 26th president of the United States from 1901 to 1909. He once had dinner with African American leader Booker T. Washington. This one singular act of simply eating with one another as a white man and black man was so scandalous that it became an outrage to many politicians that the PRESIDENT, the literal face of America, was having dinner with a black American leader.

Teddy later put out this response: “The only wise and honorable and Christian thing to do is to treat each Black man and each white man strictly on his merits as a man, giving him no more and no less than he shows himself worthy to have."

A lot of people would take this event and try to say that Teddy Roosevelt was a progressive equivalent to our time when that is simply not true. Roosevelt was racist to many groups in his personal writings and he believed in the racial hierarchy, even though he had respect for any self made man.

Was Roosevelt a progressive? Yes. For his time, he was a progressive. He was pro union, anti monopoly, and created many government departments like the FDA. He also believed in the merits of a man. But the thing about historical progressives is that their standard of progression doesn't fit in with our criteria anymore.

Dutch is the same. Is he a progressive? Yeah, of course he is. But is he a true progressive in our standards? No. Not really.

This is why the gang allows racist gang members. That is also why the only repercussion to such racism is if the victim of it is willing to dish something out like Charles slamming Micah on the ground or Javier pulling a knife on Bill. It is also why the gang is pretty traditional and rigid in their gender roles. It's also why queer people (ie. Bill) are casually mocked within the gang too.

Another thing too- Dutch is a romantic. People misconstrue that with being a progressive when that really isn't the case. Romantacism is a philosophy that was a rejection of the realism of the Enlightment. It focused on Idealism. The thing with Romantacism, though, is that it was a super white-washed philosophy. It was made to mould into white cultures and belief systems specifically for white men. Dutch could say all men are equal and he may believe that, but it's clear that he doesn't see equality in the same way that we see equality today.

What I mean by this is that any man is equal but if told otherwise, that man is the one who has to prove them wrong. It's his business and he should be the one to deal with it. That's why other gang members don't back up Charles or Javier if they find themselves in a situation with another gang member who is racist. It's their responsibility to deal with their own beefs. It wouldn't be like today where we all publically shun racism.

Remember when Dutch, Arthur, and Micah come back from Sadie's cabin? Micah says something about not wanting to share a room with Bill and POC, to which Dutch can hear and doesn't say anything and Hosea only says "Get yourself to bed" instead of calling Micah on what he said. Same goes for Arthur too. He may condemn and do something about violent racism, like how when he helps the doctor in Rhodes get his wagon back, but he doesn't really say anything when Micah or Bill say racist things to Charles, Javier, or Lenny. That's their business, so to speak, and they should be the ones handling it.

Also note the poc's characters relationship with Dutch. Javier likes Dutch because of the revolutionary ideals that he believes in. Charles likes Dutch because he treats him fair. Lenny likes Dutch because Dutch is far more progressive than other white men, but he also calls out Dutch's romantic philosophy because it doesn't really include POC or their struggles. Dutch sympathizes with their struggles, but he cannot emphasize, which is the problem with his romantic philosophy. It's a culture that is a house to white people, but POC are only guests in it in terms of its European and American tradition. Yes, Dutch hates what the Europeans did to the natives, but given the context beforehand and the things he says, he hates less the violence and more the upheaval of the lifestyle that he wants, which is one that is connected to nature and earth. I also find it interesting how the only person Dutch kinda defends from racism is Lenny, the same boy who calls him out for reading too much into Miller and not into reality. It could very much be Dutch unconsciously trying to prove Lenny wrong.

And the thing with Dutch is that he isn't squeaky clean when it comes to racism either. He's racist too, but he's racist to groups that we don't see as marginalized anymore and this goes for Hosea as well. The biggest example of this is with Italians, who weren't considered white at the time, same with the Irish.

We have this conversation between him and Hosea:

"Have you ever met an Italian strongman before?"

"Not outside the circus."

I shouldn't have to explain that.

And there is also when Bronte set them up.

"That greasy son of a bitch, he set us up!"

It doesn't sound strange at first but context matters a lot. Though 'greaser' is a slur that we see thrown at Javier for being a Mexican multiple times in the gang, that slur was also used against Italians. So Dutch saying that is him still purposing that slur but in a different way.

Another thing that I noticed is that whenever Dutch wants to speak with someone who isn't white or wasn't deemed white at the time, he would dumb down or slow down his speech first before the person he's speaking to shows that they know English, in which then he talks normally. He doesn't automatically consider that hey, these are people who are intelligent and understand English.

Here are two examples:

This is Dutch to Bronte.

"Why do you take his son?"

"Excuse me?"

"I said why DID you take his son."

He fixes the way he talks as soon as he realizes that Bronte speaks english.

And then to Eagle Flies.

"How do you DO?" (In the game, he slows down his speech and emphasizes the do.)

"Not well, sir."

"I can see that."

This is such a subtle detail but it shows that even subconsciously, Dutch isn't as admirable as we sometimes like to make him out to be in terms of OUR time period and that we shouldn't be surprised when other gang members or Dutch himself do or say things that aren't cool.

And of course, there is the sexism of the gang and that Dutch is shown to be sexist multiple times in the game.

"There are two theories about arguing with women and neither of them work."

"Good Lord, a few more like her and we can take over the whole world." (This was a sarcastic dig at Sadie)

And given the rigidness of the gender roles in camp and that the girls are barely in any missions and are mostly just doing house work, Dutch supports this system because just like how political Romantacism wasn't really for POC, it wasn't really for women either.

He can also be religiously prejudiced as well, though this shows up only once in the game. When you get into Saint Denis, Dutch says this:

"Here we are in this strange land of Papists and rapists."

Papists is another word for Catholic and given how he connects them with rapists, it makes it quite clear that he doesn't like them all that much, which makes sense given that Dutch is some form of Protestant and the general disgust regarding Catholics at the time. There is also the fact that a lot of reasons why Italians, Irish, and Hispanic people dealt with discrimination is because of the Catholic background in many of their cultures.

Again, it's a small detail, but when you look at the time period he says that in, it opens up many doors to many other social issues that were there at the time and how Dutch, despite being better than many, is also still a man of his time and this idea that the gang is this beacon of prosperity and progression is generally overemphasized to something that it is not.

Again, I love Dutch's character and he was a progressive but it isn't surprising to see these negative equalities come out from him and from the gang as an extension. They all have their flaws, even if those flaws are especially jarring at points.

Historical people almost always have historical attitudes, guys. It's just the unfortunate truth.

In any case, this is already way too damn long and I hate proof reading so bye 😃

[hauntingofhouses]

Thinking about the crazy love triangle situation in Blue Eye Samurai and debating heavily with myself on how I'd like to see it conclude. And yeah this discussion can be thought of purely as shipping, headcanons, and fandom fun. But when analysing the show and engaging with it in a more in-depth, almost-literary level, it's impossible to dismiss who Mizu's potential love interests are and how different endgame romances would affect her character arc and the overall story and themes.

So in this post I'd like to look at the love triangle a bit more closely, and speculate on where the story will take this.

DISCLAIMER: It is my personal interpretation of the text that Mizu is non-binary—I use this as an umbrella term denoting any gender that does not adhere to the binary restrictions, norms, and expectations of what it means to be either a man or woman in a particular society; it's not just an androgynous "third gender" that exclusively uses they/them pronouns. Thus, while I personally believe Mizu is not strictly a cis woman, she does still identify with womanhood, despite definitely feeling a level of detachment from it due to living as a man for so long. With that being said, I will be using she/her pronouns for Mizu in this post, but please note that this is purely personal preference. Everyone is free to interpret the text the way they like. That's the fun of fiction. Now, without further ado, let's proceed.

Okay so, thinking about the pairings on a purely surface level, and even before i got into the show, I was pinning my hopes on some lesbianism going on between Mizu and Akemi, and the show does hint at this; in Ep1, during their first encounter in Kyoto, there is the famous slow-mo shot of their eyes meeting, Mizu's lips slightly parted as she is unable to tear her gaze away from Akemi, while sweet string music plays in the background. This is clear romantic framing, and a marker of attraction. If Mizu was a cishet man, there would be no question that this is a potential love interest.

But then, in the same episode, we meet Taigen, who is introduced to us firstly from hearing Akemi's father describe him as "a fierce and undefeated young samurai", the "best swordsman in the best school" and "a fisherman's son from Kohama [...] whose rise reminds [him] of [his] own."

In the next scene, we meet him in person as Akemi's fiance, and he seems sweet enough. He even gives her sweets! In exchange, Akemi gives him gold, and he feels a bit ashamed that he doesn't have anything better to offer her. But Akemi accepts him and his gift wholeheartedly and flirts with him a little, which makes him smile kinda shyly.

When Akemi confirms their engagement, Taigen is in disbelief because he has no status or noble background, but Akemi reassures him.

So from these first few scenes, we're introduced to Taigen as an honourable and strong samurai, but also as a man who is sweet and gentle with the woman he is about to marry, as well as aware of his own inferiority when compared to Akemi's high station.

Our view of him then changes as his true self is revealed: he is an arrogant and smug bastard among his peers, but more importantly, he is the terrible bully from Mizu's childhood.

And it is this side of Taigen--pompous jerk and unrepentant xenophobic bully--that we continue to see as the show goes on, and it's safe to say that this is his real self, sans any pretense of humility and modesty. Around anyone who isn't an outright superior in terms of class and power (ie. Akemi's father, the shogun), Taigen never hesitates to assert his own authority and "greatness."

But as the show goes on, he gets caught by Heiji Shindo's men, and then tortured. And that's when we see, okay, turns out he's not that bad. He's honourable; "honour" is not just meaningless and superficial pedantry for him, but an internalised, guiding principle.

He was a cruel asshat throughout Mizu's childhood, but in a prejudiced and xenophobic society, he was just playing by the rules. As a child, he knew he was at the bottom of society, but when met with someone even lower ranked than him (Mizu), he can project all those prejudices and insecurities onto someone else. This way of thinking--"if you can't beat 'em, join em"--is what allowed him to climb up the ranks despite being some dirt poor kid from an abusive household*.

*Well, that combined with his cismale privilege of course, because this would not be an option for a woman in similar circumstances.

Thus, his upholding of honour also exemplifies how Taigen embodies the ideals and rules of his society. His insistence on duelling Mizu is another more blatant example of this. He doesn't want revenge like Mizu does. He wants to be accepted by society, within the bounds that society has placed, and that means that his only two options following his defeat at the Shindo dojo were to either chase Mizu down and get his damn duel, or kill himself for his humiliating defeat.

Now! Moving on from Taigen, let's go back to the other end of this little love triangle: Akemi.

Mizu and Akemi only properly meet in Ep4. During their first meeting, when Akemi tries to poison Mizu in Madame Kaji's brothel, she compliments Mizu's eyes, calling them "beautiful."

This seems to genuinely take mizu off-guard for a second before she coolly plays along. We know that Mizu recognises Akemi from the get-go, and thus sees through Akemi's ploy from a mile away. It's also safe to assume she'd expected false flattery, because Mizu understands full well that this tactic is how women get what they want: by using their 'feminine wiles' and playing up their naivety and innocence. But even so, it's interesting that Mizu actually seems surprised by Akemi's compliment.

Then, after Mizu subtly taunts Akemi by lying about Taigen's death, she and Akemi have a bit of a scuffle, and then we get to Mizu saying this:

"Women in our world don't have a single good option. Except you, like some magical forest creature. You could have anything you want, but then you beg to eat trash."

(no screenshot because it's quite a long line but you get it)

Here we see Mizu's opinions on the marginalisation of (mostly poor and under-privileged) women stated outright, and underlying her words is also resentment. Because even though she and Akemi have shared experiences of female oppression, Mizu, unlike Akemi, was also poor, from a rural village, and is a racial minority. Mizu is triply oppressed, while Akemi only faces one primary form of oppression, and to someone as embittered by the world as Mizu is, to see Akemi "beg to eat trash" is a slap in the face, practically tone-deaf to the other injustices around her--injustices which Akemi has not shown much, or any, acknowledgement for at this point.

Then, after this scene, Mizu kills Kinuyo, and this unsettles her to a degree we've never seen from her before. She is visibly distraught, and the entire sequence hammers the theme of this episode (and arguably, a large portion of the show) into our heads: women in this world suffer. And even though Mizu is well aware of this fact, to commit this act is so visceral that is shakes her to her core, and it's what ultimately leads to the ambush of the Thousand Fangs.

But before the ambush, Mizu and Akemi talk a little again, and during this time Akemi taunts Mizu some more.

Right now, Mizu is exhausted to the point where (I believe) she even downs some sake, despite not usually drinking. Thus, worn down, she cuts Akemi's ropes and tells her, "Just go." Akemi recovers from her initial fear of Mizu's blade and taunts her some more, accurately seeing through Mizu's facade of coldness, recognising the raw anger there, and says this:

"I thought you had to be something special. Your face isn't even so scary. You're just... angry."

At this, Mizu is amused and compares Akemi to Taigen ("I see why he likes you. You're just like Taigen when we were children. A fucking brat.")

The reveal that Mizu and Taigen knew each other in childhood surprises Akemi, but before either of them can say more, everything goes to shit.

That's when we get to Ep5. This episode focuses primarily on Mizu, the central piece of this love triangle, and does the most out of all the episodes to shed some light on her character and goals, fleshing her out to be more than just the vengeful, highly proficient samurai we've seen thus far (symbolised by The Ronin), but also a person who is capable of love, domesticity and gentleness (symbolised by The Bride). But in the end, Mizu rejects both these ideals, instead becoming an Onryo, who is neither guided by pride/honour, nor love.

By 'reincarnating' into an Onryo, Mizu is able to win the day and save the women in the brothel. However, as she has now fully embraced her status as an Onryo, and is exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally, she lets the Tokunobu clansmen take Akemi away while Akemi's screams echo in her ear.

Mizu says this choice is for Akemi's own good, that Akemi's better off; because Mizu is jaded and weary, and cannot afford the luxury of idealism, and thus must always be strictly practical and realistic. So of course that's why, in her view, yes, Akemi should not be wasting her time in a brothel where women are exploited and abused, nor should Akemi be so naive to think that her marriage with Taigen is even still possible. However, regardless of Mizu's views, it is not for her to decide, because though Akemi is privileged in some sense, she is still trapped and voiceless, and deserves the right to choose her own destiny.

But as it happens, in the end, though Akemi did not choose who she gets to marry, she DOES get to choose her next move when Edo burns down.

"I want to be great."

This one line is the key to her entire arc, which is only just beginning. We see she quickly has acquired the affection and good graces of the shogun's son after their wedding night and consummation, and with Madame Kaji and the girls now serving her, Akemi will only grow to become a prominent political player.

NOW, only after analysing the characters as they are within this season, only can we speculate how their arcs will continue as the show progresses.

First and foremost, I will reassert the popular opinion that Mizu and Akemi are foils. The climax (pun intended) of Ep7 illustrates this as it parallels the turning points in both Mizu's and Akemi's arcs:

Mizu melts the steel of all her loves and shames, the people she's collected: the broken blade wielded by both Chiaki and Taigen, Akemi's knife, Ringo's bell, Master Eiji's tongs - this symbolises her beginning to accept herself, and in doing so, also accepting the help of others;

Akemi consummates her marriage with Takayoshi Itoh, gains his affection, and cements her position as a woman in the shogun's palace - this symbolises her taking charge of her situation, no longer playing the damsel, but using her position to her advantage, empowering both herself and the underprivileged women around her.

These are thus two directly contrasting, diverging journeys:

Mizu's arc moves inward (yin). It is an internal path of self-love and self-discovery, focused on finding peace and tranquility inside herself, and this involves allowing herself to let others into her life, opening herself up to friendship and empathy once more.

Akemi's arc moves outward (yang), it is an external path of growth, transforming from a naive, caged princess to a powerful woman and a force to be reckoned with.

Akemi is always dressed in red, even her eyes are a bit of a reddish-brown rather than brown-black like most other characters, and in her penultimate scene she stands against a backdrop of flames. She is fire: quick-tempered, passionate, full of energy. Red is powerful, authoritative, and in eastern cultures, it is associated with prosperity.

Mizu is blue: her eyes, her sword, her clothes. She is also named after water; it's where she goes to recover, reflect and meditate. Water is fluid like a brook weaving around a stone in its path, always changing and adapting, it is graceful, it is beautiful and ruthless, tranquil yet swift.

Thus, in the future, I expect we will see plenty of political manoeuvring and intrigue in Akemi's plotline, where she fully embraces control of her life, and begins to take action to help others as well, realising that her own oppression is just one piece in a much larger picture. Her main conflict is with society.

In direct contrast, Mizu's main conflict is with herself. She must realise that her desire for vengeance is a projection of her own deep-rooted self-hatred. Her arc must move towards unpacking her feelings and trauma so she can be at peace with herself and allow space for love in her heart. Because as we saw in Ep5, Mizu had come extremely close to achieving peace and joy, as she had not only loved Mikio, but also had briefly believed that Mikio had loved her (and accepted her for who she is) as well.

Thus, assuming the story is not planned as a tragedy, Mizu will likely end up getting her vengeance, but it will not satisfy her, because it is not what she needs. What she needs is to let go of the Onryo within her and to reconcile both The Ronin and The Bride within herself, as she is both a fighter and a lover, but not a monster.

(Edit: I recommend checking out this post by @stylographic-blue-rhapsody for a much clearer analysis about Mizu'a symbolism as Ronin, Bride and Onryo!)

And now that we've mostly covered each of the characters individually, we can finally get to the main point of this post: the love triangle.

--

Let's talk about Option A: Akemi.

As I covered extensively earlier, Mizu and Akemi are foils, a yin-yang pair. But while they play off each other very well in a thematic sense, I personally believe that a serious romance between them will be more complicated if they become endgame. This is because Akemi's natural resolution is to embrace a position of power and influence, where she has both freedom and control over herself and to make much-needed changes in a prejudiced society. Meanwhile, Mizu's natural resolution is the opposite; her happy ending would to find a peaceful life where she is safe and free from prying eyes, and able to be her true self.

Thus, it would make very little sense for Akemi to forfeit power and run away with Mizu and start a humble life together. Akemi wants to be great, and that is absolutely what she deserves. On the other end of the spectrum, it would also make little sense for Mizu to dedicate her life in service of Akemi, such as acting as a bodyguard or something similar, because a life in a palace full of court intrigue and conspiracies is far from what Mizu needs to be happy.

With that being said, if Mizu/Akemi is endgame, and assuming their overarching character arcs do not shift directions, their love story would likely be either tragic, doomed, or bittersweet. I do absolutely love this type of story because personally I'm a sucker for catharsis, so it would be very interesting if the writers do decide to take this route.

Also, as a note, please do not take this as me dunking on this pairing. This is just my personal opinion and analysis and I completely understand if you disagree!

--

Then, of course, we have Option B: Taigen.

Between Akemi and Mizu, Taigen is a bit of a free-floater here, because Season 1 leaves off at a point where his arc is very ambiguous as to where it's headed. While Akemi climbs for greatness and Mizu goes on a journey across the ocean to (presumably) discover more about her heritage, we have little clues about where Taigen is headed. And if I'm being honest, I'm sure he has no idea either! He still hasn't reclaimed his honour, so he would be unable to rejoin the Shindo Dojo; he's been rejected by Akemi; and while he showed loyalty to the shogun, the shogun is now dead, and all the shogun's men who had witnessed his "humiliating" death were left to die by Lady Itoh, who is now pulling the strings within the palace.

Therefore, Taigen has very few options here.

And when considering his role in the story is as Mizu's begrudging ally, his arc will undoubtedly be focused on unlearning his xenophobia and misogyny, the latter of which we have not seen yet, but is surely present. Now, whether he will do this in Mizu's presence or absence will be unknown until we see Season 2. Following the Season 1 finale, he might return to Kohama and wait for Mizu there as he learns humility and remorse over his past cruelty; or maybe he will follow Mizu to London, and the two of them will continue to butt heads until he finally admits to himself that he cares for Mizu more than he would like to admit. There is no room for doubt that his growing feelings for Mizu are more-than-platonic, because we all saw him get turned on by sparring with her in Ep7 lol. Thus, regardless of the exact choice he makes, I am sure that his overall arc will be focused on redeeming his character.

Now, when it comes go redeeming him, I know there are many who simply don't want him redeemed because he was such a jerk to Mizu, and while yes I agree he was awful, I do believe there is also nuance to his character.

Previously I've discussed in great detail the colour and elemental symbolism with Mizu and Akemi, but have yet to touch on how they relate to Taigen. So, let's talk about that for a second.

While Akemi is red and Mizu is blue, Taigen is green.

Green is a complementary colour to Akemi's red. Complementary colours are directly opposite each other in the colour wheel; when mixed, they neutralise each other, but when put side-by-side, they form a pleasing and impactful contrast that boosts the brightness and prominence of both colours. This mirrors Taigen and Akemi's relationship. They are an "ideal" pair because they complement each other very well, and bring out each other's most prominent traits. Mizu's comment about their similar "brattiness" comes to mind here.

Green is also an analogous colour with Mizu's blue. These colours are sitting right next to each other on the colour wheel; their natural similarity makes it easy for them to form a cohesive overall appearance, but using both in equal amounts will make a design overwhelming and too busy. Thus, the best way to use analogous colours is to make one the dominant colour, while the other will serve as an accent. I feel this also speaks to the dynamic in Taigen and Mizu's relationship. They came from the space place, both from nothing; they're both strong fighters who love the sport, and work well together when fighting side-by-side; however, they butt heads too easily, mirroring how analogous colours can be too overwhelming when used in equal amounts. Thus, to work together in harmony, one has to be the dominant colour, while the other serves as the accent. In this case, the dominant force would be Mizu, as she is the protagonist of the story, while the accent would be Taigen.

By fulfilling this role as an "accent" to Mizu, Taigen's character would easily be slotted in as a the love interest. This is in contrast with a Mizu/Akemi relationship, whereby Akemi is Mizu's foil before she is Mizu's love interest. This is because, by being a love interest, a character usually takes a backseat in the story, serving the plot and the themes by playing a purely supportive role, and this is not possible in Akemi's case because her character exists to parallel and contrast Mizu (red and blue), and not to support her.

It is possible to serve as a supporting love interest in Taigen's case however. And this is because he, unlike the other characters, does not currently have a definitive place within the story. He initially served the plot as an antagonistic force, but now as he is slowly unlearning his prejudices and becoming a better person, he can no longer serve the story by acting purely as a rival.

Instead, he will serve the story by literally supporting Mizu. And this relates to Taigen being earth, which is steady, firm and reliable, unwavering in loyalty and principles, hardworking and rooted in stability, which is seen in Taigen's staunch and inflexible obedience to the traditions and rules of society. These traits are what make him a perfect samurai, but not a good man. However, unlike most people in their world, Taigen is still capable of change and redemption, which is why Mizu says that he has the potential to be great. Not great by way of power or glory, but great in character. Already, he is honourable to a fault, and does not betray Mizu even after she technically robbed him of everything he was striving towards. And when he was shot by an arrow in the chasm, he did not hesitate a second to tell Mizu to use him as a human shield and save herself.

The trigger for his redemption is Mizu. If she had never beat him in that duel, Taigen would live on to become a man like Akemi's father. Cruel, power-hungry, controlling, conservative. But through Mizu, Taigen's sharp edges are ground down, much like water that wears down the stones in a river.

Where Mizu and Akemi's possible love story would be a clash of wills, full of passion and even heartbreak, a possible love story between Mizu and Taigen would be the wearing down of souls. Mizu would make Taigen a better person, and in turn Taigen would dedicate his full respect and support to Mizu as his equal, thus getting her to slowly open up and love herself. Already, Taigen has grown enough to admit (begrudgingly, and in his own Taigen way) that Mizu is better than him; though, clearly, he still has a long way to go, as he still calls Mizu a demon shortly after that.

But basically, Taigen is a very simple man (his main goal now is "to be happy"), and Mizu has great depths that he cannot yet fathom. For this love story to work, it has to begin with Taigen changing for the better. If he succeeds in that, and is able to accept Mizu for all her complexities, I believe that they will make a formidable pair. And though he'd likely still throw a jab or snarky remark at Mizu every now and then, I think he'd come tl wholeheartedly admire Mizu as a brilliant swordsman and a kind soul. Thus, should things work out and this be endgame, Taigen would be able to provide Mizu with what Mikio could not: an idyllic life that is not built on a lie, but mutual trust, respect, admiration, and equality.

Or hey, maybe they could both make their own dojo together! I don't know.

(Edit: This post by @rinandsketches does a great job at delving into Taigen's character and a potential Mizu/Taigen relationship if you'd like to read more about this angle!)

--

Now, as I move on from Taigen, there are a couple more options on how to resolve this love triangle and that includes Option C: Ringo.

In this option, Mizu does not have an endgame romance with either Akemi or Taigen. In this route, she finds peace and love through friendship, solidarity, and a found family between herself, Ringo and Master Eiji—a bunch of outcasts in society who make a strong trifecta of sword-makers.

Also, as an aside while I'm talking about Ringo, I'd like to point out that I believe his element is air and his colour is a neutral grey; he is talkative, easy-going, wise, curious, light on his feet (stealthy) and free-spirited, which are all traits linked to air, and traits that complement Mizu nicely, as he is capable of getting Mizu to open up and trust others again, while Mizu helps him reach his true potential for greatness.

--

And finally, there's Option D: Polyamory.

This is basically an "all of the above" option, in which everyone wins and it's a super duper happy ending. It would also be awesome to get some polyamorous representation, and seeing the dynamic between Akemi/Mizu/Taigen play out would be very entertaining and refreshing. So, you never know, this just might be the true endgame!

--

AAAAND with that, I close my extremely long analysis of what is essentially Mizu's love life. Whatever the final outcome of this love triangle though, I just hope it will be well-written and satisfying to all the characters' respective arcs. (Also I just want Mizu to be HAPPY goddamn it because she deserves the world and her coochie eaten out)

Now, I highly doubt anyone will read any of this (especially not until the end!) but that's fine. I just have so many thoughts and feelings about this show and I just needed to get this out of my system lol! But if by some miracle you did read this far, I wholeheartedly welcome any sharing of thoughts and ideas because man am I obsessed with this show! But of course, if we have an opposing opinions, please be respectful when letting me know; I am very open to friendly discussions.

[changbunnies]

White Lines and Red Lights (18+)

♡ Pairing: Han Jisung x fem!Reader 

♡ Genre: college au, idiots in love (they are so oblivious), best friends to lovers, mutual pining, basically pure fluff, a smidge of angst? (it's barely there, mostly due to perceived one-sided pining that is in reality not at all one-sided lmao)

♡ Word Count: 13.4k (i may have gotten carried away)

♡ Summary: The spring semester is over, and summer break is sure to be full of fun and good memories for Y/N and her best friend, Jisung. The only problem being, they are both hopelessly in love with each other, and completely oblivious to how the other one feels.

♡ Warnings: reader's major isn't specified but is implied to be creative, jisung's major is also not specified but is in music, alcohol consumption, mentions of food and eating, many uses of the word "fuck" lol, lmk if i missed anything you think should be listed here !

♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): slightly inexperienced sex (neither reader or jisung are virgins, but they don't have tons of experience either), lighthearted but also romantic sex?, petnames (baby), a lot of kissing. like so much kissing, nipple play, handjob, oral (m rec), fingering (f receiving), multiple orgasms, unprotected piv, creampie (reader is on birth control)

♡ Notes: this was written for the @skzwritingcafe prompt "summertime confessions" ! i hope you like it and as usual, if you’re interested you can check out my fic rec and feedback blog @stray-dreams

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

Hell is finally over! That’s what you’ve been happily telling yourself since 2:30 p.m, when the last of your final exams were complete and all assignment deadlines were met.

Did you reach the end of all your trials and tribulations with a passing grade? That you weren’t entirely sure of, but the instant relief when the clock met the fated hour expelled any worries instantly from your mind. It’s a problem for future you, your brain decided, because now there was room for one thing and one thing only: fun!

You were beyond ready to turn your brain off, to indulge in some much needed fun to clear the fog in your head, and to then settle into comfort and relaxation. You hadn’t had a moment of joy or peace in weeks, and you were most definitely due for it; the thin line that was your sanity could only handle so much more stress before it snapped. 

And that’s what you’ve spent the last hour getting ready for– an end of semester celebration with friends, a small reward after the grueling study efforts intended to revitalize those that turned into zombies over the course of finals week.

Parties aren’t typically your thing, being much too loud and chaotic for your tastes, but how could you say no when said party was being held by your best friend and his 2 roommates? And after the literal hell you endured during the last semester, and especially during this last week, you needed a night with your friends more than you needed oxygen. 

“You’re here!” Chan greets you with a smile after he opens the door, happy to see you after weeks of being stuck in the confines of your bedroom, having turned into an effective study machine.

“Hi Channie,” you return his smile as you step fully inside, giving him a quick hug after the door shuts behind you. “Where’s Jisung?” you waste no time in asking, eager to see the person you cared about most (no offense intended to your other friends.)

It felt awful not having time to see him the last few weeks; the only thing that gave you comfort during that time was knowing that he was equally as busy meeting assignment deadlines and studying for his finals as you were.

You wished you could’ve studied together, like you did when you were kids, but different majors meant there wasn’t as much crossover in what you were learning as there once was. But still, you took solace in knowing you weren’t alone during the struggle; at least, metaphorically you weren’t. 

Chan points you to the kitchen, and you thank him before you make the short walk there, a bounce in your step as happiness settles over you for the first time in what feels like ages. It doesn’t take you long to spot him, standing near the counter with his other roommate Changbin, as well as with a handful of other friends he’s made in his major.

“Sungie, I missed you!” you call as you jump him for a hug, which very nearly knocks him over. He yells out in surprise, just barely managing to keep his hand steady to save his drink as he shifts his weight to maintain his balance, stabilizing himself on his heel.

“Y/N!” Jisung yelps when your arms squeeze him tightly, and he lets Changbin take his drink from his hand to safely secure it elsewhere. He returns your hug as soon as he’s able, and you close your eyes before you smile at him, already feeling your drained battery recharging.

“Jeez, I know you missed me, but warn me next time! You almost gave me a heart attack,” Jisung mumbles his complaint in your ear, but you can tell by the smile he has on his face and squeeze in his arms that he’s missed you just as much, this hug being as healing for him as it is for you. 

However, he meant it when he said you almost gave him a heart attack, though it’s not for the reasons you might think. First: it’s true he was totally unprepared for you to launch at him with the intent to squeeze him into a hug, but that wasn’t the problem.

The real problem was that you looked so pretty, and after weeks without seeing your face, his heart was left with no defense against your charms. He’d been reset to zero, it seemed– his built up resistance and tolerance reduced to nothing.

And that went hand in hand with the second problem: his heart was beating out of control! You’re holding him so tightly, smiling at him so brightly, eyes sparkling under the fluorescence of the mundane kitchen light. He didn’t understand how something as small and trivial as the lighting in the room seemed to add to your appeal, but it did. 

Jisung steals a glance at his roommates, who are looking with a knowing smile that makes him want to sink into himself and hide. Why is this so embarrassing? You however seem as oblivious to how he feels about you as ever, much to his relief. His impossibly large crush on you will assuredly be getting in the way tonight, but he can definitely play it off, right? …right? 

Jisung ended up not drinking for the rest of the night, much too afraid of how flippant his mouth would become if he had too much alcohol in his system– the last thing he needed was to do something as cliche and embarrassing as drunkenly confessing all his feelings to his best friend. Though, even without the drink in his system, this night was killing him.

Why did you have to smile at him so prettily while pulling him to dance with you? Why did you have to giggle at him so sweetly when he made a joke? And why did you have to lean so close every time you spoke to him?

He cursed his past self for deciding to play the music so loudly, because the close proximity and feeling your breath against his ear every time you wanted to tell him something was making his heart feel like it was going to explode. 

You were wearing the perfume that he once accidentally let slip was his favorite of yours. He couldn’t remember the exact name of it, but the sweet, citrusy smell filled his nostrils and reminded him of all the times in the past he was close enough to you to inhale it.

Tight hugs, cuddling on his sofa on the weekends, laying in your bed watching anime until it was time for him to go home– all memories he cherished, because they were spent with you. And the moment he unintentionally admitted how much he loved the smell of your perfume, it seemed like you were always wearing it, and it drove him crazy.

It lingered on everything– or maybe he just found it easy to recognize given how attuned to you he was; and now with the distance you’d had, and how much he’d missed you the last few weeks, it was like your perfume was taking over his senses.

Jisung almost couldn’t think straight– it was like he was drunk, but on something entirely different from everyone else inside his apartment. To calm himself down, and reset his senses, he stepped out on the balcony for some time, willing his heart to calm by using the fresh air as a conduit. 

By the time Jisung enters the apartment again following his latest balcony outing, most of his friends have gone home with their respective designated drivers, with Chan offering to call the stragglers an uber or a spot to crash somewhere in the apartment. Chan was always like that during parties– the self appointed dad of sorts, always making sure everyone was well taken care of.

He looks past his friends to see you alone on the sofa, chugging a water bottle that he assumes Chan gave to you. “Trying to sober up?” Jisung asks as he takes a seat next to you, and you nod, making an affirming noise as you continue to take large sips from the bottle.

“Gotta stay hydrated too if I don’t want to feel all this tomorrow,” you finally respond when you’ve swallowed down the last of the water, though you're sure you didn’t drink enough alcohol to get a hangover. Your legs will likely be killing you more than anything, given all the dancing and jumping around you did. 

“Right, wouldn’t want you to end up like Changbin,” Jisung replies and you laugh as you recall the memory of a very intoxicated Changbin, who had way too much to drink in a short span of time but insisted he wasn't drunk.

He was incredibly affectionate, coming up to everyone to squeeze them into hugs and tell them he loves them, and dancing to girl group songs with so much passion that you’d think he was in some sort of idol audition. 

Changbin passed out first, to no one's surprise, and he had to be carried to his bed by an exasperated Chan while you and Jisung giggled to yourselves at the display, deciding you would both definitely be teasing him about it tomorrow.

“I’ve never seen him like that– he was still himself but like. Times a million,” you laugh, thinking about when a newjeans song came on and it made him effectively lose his mind. “Oh it’s late,” you say absentmindedly after some time spent talking passes, checking your phone for the first time all night.

Jisung peeks over, eyes widening when he sees the “02:37” displayed brightly on your screen. It was the latest he’d (voluntarily) stayed up in months; where did the time even go? “Guess we should sleep, huh? I can give you my bed, I’ll sleep here so–” 

“No way, we’ve talked about this before! I don’t wanna kick you out of your own room– just share your bed with me,” you said, almost sternly. It was true– you both had countless sleepovers over the course of your friendship, both planned and accidental, and every time he offered to sleep on the sofa, you vehemently refused.

However, those times you weren’t inebriated, and this time you definitely were (even if it was only mildly.) And besides that, with how weak he’s been over you all night, he’s not sure if his heart will even let him fall asleep if you’re next to him. 

“I-I mean– are you sure? You’ve been drinking so.. I dunno, I just like– didn't want it to be weird, I guess?” Jisung stumbles over his words way more than he wishes, and the way you giggle at him makes him want to crawl into a hole and never come out. Way to play it cool, Jisung! If you weren’t being obvious about your feelings before, you definitely are now, idiot!

“C’mon Ji, you know I trust you with like, my entire life. It won’t be weird,” you answer with a smile meant to assure him, but all it does is make his heart pound even harder. It’s unfair how effortlessly flustered you make him.

“As long as you’re sure then– yeah, let’s go to bed,” he says as he helps you to your feet, and while you definitely didn’t drink enough for your legs to be unstable, you appreciate the sweet gesture. 

The minute you’re in his room, you flop right in the middle of his bed, a large sigh leaving you– you didn’t realize how actually exhausted you are until now. “Don’t fall asleep like that please, I don’t wanna sleep on the couch now that you’ve promised I can have my bed,” Jisung says as he walks over to his dresser, and you laugh in response.

“I won’t, promise!” You sit up quickly, wrapping yourself up in his comforter as you do– you won’t fall asleep, but you can at least still be cozy.

“You really should’ve brought a change of clothes if you were going to crash here,” Jisung jokingly complains you as he scrounges through his drawers for something that will fit you comfortably (and that he won’t mind parting with, because he knows he won’t be getting back whatever he gives you; which would be fine if it didn’t fill his head with thoughts about you being his girlfriend.) 

“Not my fault! It’s yours for creating the atmosphere,” you argue, arms folding over your chest in a rather mild display of opposition. “What atmosphere?” he laughs as he finally settles on one of his oversized shirts and tosses it over to you.

Comfortable. Secure. Safe. Happy. Loved. Cared for. You could only let loose so much because you were with him, could only have such a good time because he was there doing it with you. “..Fun,” you finally answer, clutching the shirt he gave you in your hands, deciding not to say anything further than that.

Better to avoid that line of thought while you’re recovering from being tipsy, you think– it’d be bad if you suddenly made an admission you weren’t ready to. An accidental confession at this point would risk ruining an otherwise perfect night with your friends.

It doesn’t take long for Jisung to find what he wants to wear to bed, and he leaves the room to allow the two of you to change separately. You put your prior outfit on top of his dresser before returning to his bed, settling underneath the blankets as you wait for him to come back.

You’re lying there for only a few minutes when he returns, turning off the light and carefully crawling in next to you, and finally settling in with his back pressed against yours. You both whisper quiet “good nights” to each other, willing your equally fast hearts to calm enough to sleep.

This isn’t the first time you’ve shared a bed with Jisung, and during the early years of your childhood friendship it never made your heart race the way it does now. You’d usually say something along the lines of “what’s wrong with best friends sharing a bed?”, the act always completely innocent.

You needed to sleep, and you didn’t want Jisung to sacrifice his bed when you could easily share it– it was always as simple as that. But in recent months, you’ve noticed that it stopped being simple; with your back pressed to his, the sound of his gentle breathing behind you, you realized it had started to make your heart race unbelievably fast.

You had begun to notice that same sensation in other moments too– like when he smiled at you after you helped him decide on a concept for one of his assignments, or when he’d call you after a hard day just to hear your voice, with his reason being that “talking to you makes me feel better!” 

It was the same for you, of course. Talking to him always made you feel better, a single smile enough to lift the heavy weight off your heart. He always listened, he always cared, and he was always there for you. That’s another reason these last few weeks were so hard for you; you didn’t have Jisung’s support, and not because of any fault of either of you, but because adult life and responsibilities got in the way. 

You wanted to make time for him, and you knew he wanted to as well; you still texted each other often, facetimed during the moments you allowed yourselves to rest, and it helped immensely, but also resolidified something you’d thought once before; that without Jisung, your life is impossibly dark. And that without his support, you weren’t sure how you’d get through the difficulty that life brings you. 

You sigh and roll over, looking straight at Jisung’s back. You came today to escape grim thoughts, stress, and self doubt, hoping that fun with your friends would shove them all away, but it seems they’ve found their way back to you regardless. It was bound to happen, you suppose, but you hoped they wouldn’t be back for a while at least. But, if there’s any solace to be had, you have Jisung next to you, and he always comforts you even with just his presence alone. 

You roll over a lot in your sleep, so when you first do it, Jisung doesn’t react. He figures you’ve just fallen asleep quickly after all the drinking and dancing, and now he can finally truly relax and begin to fall asleep himself.

He’s always tense at first, the close proximity making him nervous and unable to sleep, even if you aren’t face to face– because even though you’re his best friend, it’s an undeniable fact that you’re also a girl. A pretty girl at that, one that he’s silently been crushing on for years.

So when he hears your voice call to him, it’s unexpected, and it makes his heart pick back up in speed as his body tenses once again. “Ji, can you turn around?” you ask, and he freezes a moment, wondering if the remnants of alcohol in your system is what is causing you to ask something so bold. 

But no, you’re nowhere near drunk, and he’s probably the only one on earth who thinks the prospect of turning around to face his best friend during a sleepover is “bold.” This is an ordinary request, and it’s not your fault that he finds the action so nerve wracking.

He really needs to get over it so he can go back to being normal around you. “S-Sure,” you hear him stutter quietly, carefully turning to face you. Even in the relative darkness, he can see your features clearly enough to make his breath uneven.

Your pretty eyes, your cute nose, your lips that look so soft and kissable and– “Fuck, stop thinking about it. Get it together, Han Jisung,” he internally scolds himself. He hopes that you can’t hear the sound of his heart beating, or see the blush forming on his cheeks as he stares at you. 

“Can I ask you something?” your voice is quiet, almost a whisper. He can tell you’re serious, and he has no idea what you intend to ask, but the possibilities are sending him reeling. Did he stare at you too much today? Did you notice the way his face reddened every time you smiled at him? You were just so pretty that he couldn’t help it and– 

Were you going to ask him if he had feelings for you? Were you? Should he be honest if you do? Admit that he’s thought you were pretty for the longest time, has wanted you to look at him romantically for years, had wondered what your lips would feel like on his? God, he really needs his heart and mind to calm down, or he’ll never survive the rest of the night. 

“Do you ever wonder.. If you’re doing the right thing?” your question finally breaks him from his whirring thoughts, your voice still quiet and with an unsure hesitance to it.

Jisung’s expression immediately changes to one of care and concern, a bit taken aback by your question but entirely ready to listen to you talk about whatever is on your mind now that he can think clearly. “What do you mean?” 

“Like.. with college, I guess. Do you ever think maybe you should be doing something different?” You look him directly in the eyes as you ask, clearly searching for some sort of comfort, an answer that will help you come to terms with whatever complicated emotion you’re dealing with.

“Yeah, sometimes. I mean, I love music, but I’m not guaranteed to go far with it even if I’m good at it. I know that sometimes passion and talent aren’t enough. The people who succeed are usually lucky,” he answers honestly; he’s not sure if that’s what you want to hear, but he knows you value his insight and opinions, even when they differ from yours.

“What makes you keep going then?” You had such a hard time this last semester, and there were more than a few times where you reached a low point and wanted to quit. You were lonely, exhausted, broke, creativity entirely spent.. You questioned whether all that hardship was worth it, and if you’d be better off pursuing something more practical and mundane.

“Well.. It makes me happy. And I know that even if things don’t turn out how I wished, I think it would be more regrettable if I didn’t try, you know? Even when it’s really hard it’s also rewarding, and every day I learn so many things I would’ve never learned alone in my room, or at least, it would’ve taken me forever to get there by myself. I made a lot of new friends too, I have you and other good people to support me, and–”

You nod along to his words, taking them in and humming every once in a while to let him know you're still listening. He’s talking a lot, but you don’t mind that. You’re happy to know what he thinks and feels, his voice is soothing, and you feel less alone knowing he understands you to at least some degree, and is willing to help you through your hardships. That’s all you really needed; for Jisung to hear you, and reply in the thoughtful way he always does.

“And you know I’ll always be there for you, right? If you ever feel like this again, just tell me. I’ll be right there, the minute you call I’ll–” Oh, wait. Your eyes are closed, breath slow and gentle, now completely unresponsive to his words.

You fell asleep while he was talking? How long was he going before he even realized you were no longer listening? His other friends are right- he really does talk way too much sometimes.

He observes you quietly for a moment, giggling to himself when he hears the soft snores leaving you as he takes in your serene expression. He also realizes that the sky has gotten brighter, the sound of birds chirping becoming more prominent with each passing moment. How had the night come and gone so quickly? 

That’s what always happens when he’s with you, though– time seems to accelerate, while at the same time feeling like it’s at a stand still. The happy moments pass in the blink of an eye, but simultaneously seems to freeze whenever he stares at you. When you smile and laugh with him, it makes his heart burst, your shining eyes always taking his breath away. 

Reaching his hand up carefully, he tucks the hair that has fallen over your face behind your ear, smiling to himself when you unconsciously lean into his light touch. It’s so cute, how even in your sleep you seem to recognize it’s him, indulging in the comfort he offers you. At least, that’s what you’ve told him once before– that one of the reasons you like having sleepovers with him is because his presence makes you feel safe and relaxed. 

He's not sure if you even remember saying it, but he was so happy when you told him, and even now it’s something on his mind every time you two share a bed. He just wishes he wasn’t always so tense and nervous whenever you laid next to him, and he wishes he had more courage to always lay face to face and talk like you did tonight. Maybe one day he can hold you closer, wrap his arms around you and let his head rest atop yours.

Maybe he’ll kiss you, too– your lips, your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, anywhere you’ll let him. He can picture the way you’ll giggle at him, how you’ll playfully push him away while complaining that it tickles, and how he’ll wrap his arms around you tighter to keep you trapped in his affection. And when it’s all over he’ll tell you he loves you and–

Wait. 

He loves you? 

Well, of course he does. You’re his best friend, so of course he loves you! Totally platonically, of course. The fact that he’s had a major crush on you for the past few years doesn’t matter. Nope. Not at all. Surely he’s not literally in love with you, right? Because you’re his best friend and falling in love with your best friend is not only the most cliche thing ever, but definitely a recipe for heartbreak. 

So he’s not in love with you– he can’t be. It’s just a simple crush! It doesn’t matter that he constantly thinks about kissing you, or holding your hand while walking together, or how it’d feel for you to lay your head against him while he holds you during movie night. It doesn’t matter that he envisions what going on dates with you would be like, or what life would be like if you moved in together, or what your body would look like bare underneath his, or–

Fuck, he’s so in denial. He’s definitely in love with you, hopelessly so. His cute, endearing best friend, who he can’t seem to ever get out of his head. Do you ever think about him the way he thinks about you? Are you always on his mind, lingering in every thought the way you are for him? He desperately wants to know, but there’s a part of him that is afraid to find out, because what will he do if you don’t feel the same way? 

He forces himself to roll back over and close his eyes, because if he doesn’t stop looking at you, he’s never going to be able to stop thinking about it long enough to get some sleep. But even with his back now turned to you, hearing your soft breathing and feeling the dip in his bed from your presence is enough to plague his thoughts and keep the sleep he desperately needs out of reach for what little remains of the night. 

It’s been a few weeks since the night that Jisung finally admitted to himself that he’s in love with you, and whoever said being honest with yourself makes things better has definitely never been in love with their best friend, because actually what the fuck. This is the closest to hell he’s ever been, he thinks. Because he can’t seem to go a single moment without thinking about wanting to be romantic with you, and it’s driving him crazy. 

Holding your hand and cuddling during movie night, staying up all night on the phone talking about anything and everything, giving you sweet kisses after he tells you how much he loves you– he’s begging his brain to let him think about literally anything else, but it simply refuses. And now, sitting in his car together at a red light, is another such time where wanting to kiss you encompasses all his thoughts. 

You had spent time together almost every day since the night of the party now that your schedules were free, but all those times included the additions of your roommates or his. It’s only now, after a day spent at the beach, that the two of you are alone together again (thanks to the combined, scheming efforts of your mutual friends.) 

Chan loves the beach, and he goes whenever he can, but today he didn’t want to hangout there alone. He invited you, as well as his roomies and other friends, to come meet him there. And of course, you said yes, and of course, you had the most breathtaking swimsuit on underneath your clothes.

It was almost embarrassing, the way it stole Jisung’s breath away and made his cheeks burn red. He prayed he could blame it on the harsh sun, but there’d be no fooling Changbin, who was snickering behind him. 

“When are you going to finally confess?” Changbin asked when you were out of ear shot, and Jisung pouted, both because he was being called out about his feelings, and because he had no fucking idea when, if ever, he’d tell you how he feels.

“I.. don’t know,” he ended up answering honestly, continuing to look in your direction even as he spoke. You were splashing in the water with your mutual friends, your laugh ringing loud in his ears even with the distance between you.

“C’mon, Ji. Summer breaks are practically built for romance. You gotta make a move,” he’d said, and Jisung once again pouted. “Easier said than done,” he mumbled in response, something akin to dread settling in him whenever he thought about the possibility of you rejecting him.

“Jisung,” Changbin started, all sense of joking or teasing having left him, “I’ve been watching you pine over her since the day I met the two of you. You need to tell her, because I don’t know how much more of those looks of yours I can handle.”

“What look?” Jisung asks with a frown, turning his gaze away from where you are. “Like a lost puppy begging for attention,” Changbin answers nonchalantly, and the appalled reaction he gets from Jisung makes him laugh. “But seriously. I’ll ride home with Chan, so why don’t you take her home later? Get some alone time before you drop her off or something?” 

“But she came with her roommates. Why wouldn’t she leave with them?” Jisung asked, and Changbin laughed as he shook his head. “You’re so clueless, dude.” It’s common knowledge to everyone who came today that the two of you are so hopelessly in love with each other, but seemingly too oblivious to notice how the other one feels. And if Jisung asked you to spend some alone time with him, you’d say yes in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

Maybe what the two of you needed was a little push– a reason to be alone together, a romantic setting to set the tone and finally get the two of you to move beyond the bounds of friendship. And if Jisung won’t act on his own, Changbin will take it into his own hands; mission “get these two pining idiots together” starts today. 

Changbin told Chan, who then told one of your roommates, who then told another. By the time the sun is setting, everyone knows the plan. You would be left alone with Jisung, by any excuse necessary. Thankfully, Chan came in his own car due to his tendency to hit the beach before anyone else, so he and Changbin wouldn’t be leaving Jisung stranded by leaving early.

The two of them left first, with the excuse that they’d be ending their day by hitting the gym– they’d actually just be relaxing on the sofa the rest of the day, but you and Jisung didn’t need to know that. Your roommates took that as their cue to prepare to leave as well, and the group of you helped one another towel dry enough to throw your clothes back on over your swimsuits. 

Jisung approached you as soon as he was done himself, waiting for you to finish packing your things in your tote bag before saying anything. “Hey, d-do you want to go get some ice cream?” he asked, mentally cursing himself for stuttering. Since when did asking your best friend if they want to get ice cream become so nerve wracking? 

“Of course!” you smiled, turning to your roommates next to see if they wanted to join. They all said no, of course, citing being tired or wanting to shower asap as their reasons, but urged you to enjoy your time with Jisung. You don’t find it weird at all, much too excited about eating ice cream to even begin to realize this was a planned set up. 

The sun was just beginning to sink when you arrived at your favorite parlor, excitedly bouncing up to the counter as Jisung trailed behind you with a smile. You decided to be adventurous, picking out a new flavor suited for the summer, while Jisung went with a classic choice of cookie dough. 

“Can I have a bite of yours?” it didn’t take long for you to inevitably ask him, and Jisung gave you an overdramatic sigh as he passed it over to you. Trading bites somehow always ended with you eating more of Jisung’s ice cream than he did, but that was okay with him.

He always ordered your favorite flavor, knowing that you can’t resist the temptation of trying the new one, but would end up wanting cookie dough more than whatever new flavor initially enticed you. 

It’s a bit of a ritual for him at this point; ordering your favorite while pretending it’s his favorite as well, acting like he's annoyed when you beg him for a bite and eventually end up taking half the bowl while offering him whatever flavor you ordered instead as compensation for his loss.

Do you notice the way he smiles after you take his ice cream from him? The adoration that lingers in his eyes as he watches you happily devour the sweet treat?

You skipped to the car when you were finished, evidently very pleased with your ice cream endeavors and not at all apologetic for stealing all of the cookie dough for yourself, once again oblivious to the way he does it all for you.

That would probably never change, and for the first time, Jisung wondered if that was okay. Did he want it to change? Did he want you to notice? He wasn’t sure what was best anymore.

And now here you both were, sitting at a red light while the sun sinks ever lower in the horizon, blue beginning to spread over the sky and little specks of stars finally becoming visible. Instead of looking at the street as he waits for the light to turn, he looks at you. You just looked so pretty, and all he could think of once again was how badly he wanted to kiss you. 

Jisung wished he had words to put what he thought of you other than a simple “pretty” but that’s all that ever came to mind. So, so pretty, impossibly so. Pretty in a way that sunsets and oceans couldn’t ever compare, at least not in his mind– he would always find you better, no comparison ever being good enough to describe what he thought of you. 

You’re in your own little world, humming along to the song playing through the speakers and tapping your fingers to the beat. However, it doesn’t take long for you to feel his eyes on you, your body alerting you to his lingering gaze and instructing you to look back at him.

The sight you're met with when you turn your head makes your face immediately burn; Jisung isn’t simply glancing over at you, or trying to check in with you after a tiring day out. He’s blatantly staring at you. “..Ji..?” his name barely leaves you, an unspoken question lingering in the air between you.

Why is he looking at you like that? What was going through his head right now? Your face heats up exponentially, watching as his eyes travel over your features, seeming to take them in deeply. You instinctively hold in a breath when his eyes reach your lips, staring at them with an overt yearning. 

Your surroundings fade, music no longer audible, the light of the sinking sun illuminating him beautifully and drawing you even further into his gaze. All there was in this moment was Jisung; he was all you could see, all you could focus on, and it was the same for him with you.

You were always his first thought, always there at the forefront of his mind, but he always tried to push the deeper feelings away, because you’re his best friend and he shouldn’t think of you as anything more than that. But right now, he can’t help it.

His urge to kiss you is so strong, and he knows he can’t resist it the way he usually can. Your eyes that hold the entire world– no, the entire galaxy, his galaxy, in them makes his self control shatter.

Maybe Changbin had a point when he said that summer was perfect for romance. Because the way you look at him, with eyes shining under the twinkling lights that blink on one by one with the fading sun– he loves you, he wants to be with you, and that desire is consuming him. 

Your heart races as he leans closer to you, inch by inch. You lose all concept of time passing, a moment that in reality lasts mere seconds instead feeling like an eternity. You close your eyes, waiting; waiting for the moment you’ve craved for ages, for his lips to touch yours for the first time. How long had you pined for him? 

It’s hard to say exactly; In high school, when he got his first love confession and accepted it, it broke your heart. But at the time, you thought it was just because it meant he would have less time for you.

With time you moved on, deciding it was important to be happy for your best friend even if it crushed you for reasons you didn’t entirely understand. And eventually you entered your first relationship as well, and for a time you could forget about how lonely you felt from not having Jisung always near you. 

Neither of your respective first relationships lasted all that long; high school romances tend to dwindle as college draws near, after all. Life has a tendency to take people to different places, and some realize their ambitions faster than others.

It saddened you at the time, but you weren’t going to alter your life for someone else and you didn’t expect anyone to do that for you either. After all, 20 is awfully early to decide not to follow your dreams for the sake of someone else. 

But you and Jisung were still on the same path, and that had to mean something, right? It was like the days where you were distant never even occurred, the both of you picking up where you left off like no time had ever passed.

You were as close as you’d ever been, still seeing each other at every opportunity, even when you were drowning in assignment deadlines and exhaustive study efforts. He made time for you, and you made time for him, even when it was hard. Didn’t that mean something? 

Yes, it meant everything– at least it did to you. And so did he; Jisung meant everything to you. He always had, and you think he always will. You can feel his breath on you now, the warmth tickling your skin and your heart feeling like it’s going to burst from out of your chest as the gap between you closes. He’s so close to you, the closest he’s ever been. His lips drawn to yours, closer, closer, and then–

The shrill honk of a car from behind snaps you both from the moment. Jisung opens his eyes quickly, blinking for just a moment as reality settles back over him and he processes what was just about to happen. You do the same, turning your attention back towards the front and seeing that the traffic light had turned green while the two of you were lost in the moment you were sharing. 

He swallows, mentally offering an apology to the cars behind him as he continues to drive you home. Fuck, he really got carried away. Was he really about to risk everything you had together by kissing you? What would happen to your friendship?

He’s not supposed to like you, and you definitely don’t like him– at least, not romantically. He’s at least 60% sure of that; maybe even 70%. Get it through your head Jisung– you're just friends. Just. Friends.

You meanwhile are stuck in thought as well, though not in the same way. You feel light, almost? Buzzing with what could only be described as pure excitement, unfiltered joy seeping out of every pore.

He was going to kiss you!! He was really going to! That meant he liked you, didn’t it? Or maybe he even loved you? Loved you in the same you loved him, wanted to be with you in the same way you wanted to be with him? 

You take a peek in his direction, noticing his stiff hold on the steering wheel and the rigid way his body sits. He keeps his gaze straight forward, not daring to look at you, afraid of what expression he’ll be met with. He’d never forgive himself if he looked over to see you were upset with him, forever feeling like an idiot if it was his fault your friendship came to an end.

Maybe he’s just nervous, you think. That would make sense! He gathered his courage for a moment, and now he needed time to gather it again– it's not easy to overcome hesitation and let someone know how you feel about them, but this minor setback won't be the end of it. He’d definitely kiss you before the night was over! You’re sure of it! 

Okay, maybe you weren’t entirely sure of it. Because he’s still stiff and nervous when he drops you off at your apartment building, offering a strained goodbye and eyes not quite meeting yours. That’s still okay! Jisung is just shy– that has to be it! It won’t be long before he kisses you, you’re sure of it– for real this time! …right? right!

Maybe you should stop saying you’re sure of things, because you’re never right. It’s been a week since Jisung almost kissed you, and he’s been avoiding you the entire time. You didn’t understand– surely he was over his shyness by now, right? How much longer was he going to make you wait? It was agony. 

“Ji. Movie night at my place tonight. And I swear if you cancel again I’ll never forgive you !!!” you texted him dramatically, spamming various angry emojis for added effect. To your relief, Jisung agrees to come over and bring snacks as an apology for being busy. You don’t believe he was actually busy of course, but you’ll let him off the hook on that for now.

It's mid afternoon when he finally arrives, multiple bags full of snacks and sweet treats in hand. You smile and hug him tightly, noting that he’s still stiff but deciding not to dwell on that just yet– he’s finally here, after all! And if this plethora of snacks told you anything, it was that he genuinely was sorry for avoiding you. 

He tosses the bags on the coffee table, and you throw on a random movie you’ve already seen before, because the movie ultimately doesn’t matter– it’s just an excuse to see Jisung again. Unlike his usual self, he sits on the complete opposite end of the sofa from you, putting an invisible wall between you. Well, that’s fine! You’ll just move closer! 

You hear his breath hitch when you sit right next to him, glancing over just long enough to see you smiling at him. He’s so fucked– his feelings definitely aren’t under control enough for this; you're positively torturing him. How is he supposed to get over his feelings for you if you’re looking at him like that while sitting so close to him?

You purposely leave your hand close to his, waiting to see if he’ll hold it, but he doesn’t. He keeps his eyes straight ahead at the tv, evidently still scared to meet your gaze or be too close to you. Why? Why does he keep avoiding your eyes when you look at him? Why won’t he bring himself closer to you? Is he trying to forget it happened?

Does he not realize how badly you wanted him to kiss you? Maybe.. Maybe he’s scared to bring it up. Maybe he’s afraid of rejection, or of your friendship deteriorating from his outward admission. Maybe he’d rather bottle it back up, pretend he was never on the brink of kissing you, because losing you would be the worst thing that would ever happen to him.

Is he scared that you don’t have feelings for him? Is that why even now, when his feelings have all but been laid out, he’s avoiding the confrontation? But he doesn’t have to be afraid of that– you love him. If he’s unsure, then you need him to know, and you’ll tell him yourself. 

"Jisung, look at me," you suddenly call to him, tone so serious that he can’t possibly ignore it. He swallows, forcing himself to finally meet your gaze head on, palms sweating as he anticipates what he’s most afraid of. "The other day, in your car… were you going to kiss me?" Fuck. He knew you were going to ask. 

You watch his expression change as his face heats up, a not at all subtle red encroaching over his features. "O-Oh, I–" he starts to speak, but immediately stops, words dying in his throat. Fuck. God Dammit. Even though he knew this would happen, none of the scenarios he crafted in his head seemed to be of any assistance. 

The excuses he conjured, the apologies that he knew he should utter, the words he thought he should say that were practiced over and over again.. All of that preparation failed him now, a sort of panic settling over him as his body tensed and hands clammed up further. 

Honestly, watching him flounder for an excuse or explanation that would allow him to pretend he doesn’t have feelings for you is kind of funny, (and oddly cute), but now really isn’t the time to let it continue. Now, after years and years of secret pining, it’s time for both of you to lay out your feelings clearly, verbally. 

"It would've been fine.. I wanted you to do it," you say with complete honesty, pushing away your own nerves and hesitation as far as you could. You couldn’t let your anxieties get the better of you now; you needed to say what you feel, and encourage Jisung to do the same, otherwise the two of you will always be stuck in the boundaries of friendship. You both need to swallow down the part of you that is scared and shy, or you’ll never move beyond what you are. 

His eyes widened, mouth falling slightly agape in shock. What? Huh? You wanted him to kiss you? But that would mean even if you don’t love him like he loves you, you at the very least like him, and surely you didn’t. There is no way you like him like that, because that would mean his friends are right, and he’s a clueless idiot. 

Fuck. Is he a clueless idiot? 

"I'm in love with you, Ji," you finally admit for the first time out loud, and while it’s nerve wracking to say the least, it’s also a relief. Your feelings have been a secret for so long (at least to Jisung they were, cause lord knows you’re an open book otherwise), and it felt good to say it, to tell him right to his face that you love him.

Even if you read into the situation completely wrong somehow, and he wasn’t trying to kiss you that day and didn’t like you, at least you no longer had to hide how you feel. "Since.. since when?" he asks, still a bit stunned and entirely in disbelief.

He can’t believe this is even happening, and there’s part of him that thinks this must be some elaborate dream; he must’ve fallen asleep during the movie, or maybe he never woke up this morning and this entire day has been part of a long dream. But no, he knows it isn’t a dream; because you are much too tangible, and no dream, no matter how vivid, compares to the reality of you. 

"I-I don't know, since.. always?" you answer, a slight blush of your own crawling over your skin. You don’t remember the exact moment you realized you liked him as more than a friend anymore, as you were still just a kid then. But you know that by the time high school came, your seemingly small crush had developed into much more, and in recent months, you finally realized the true depth of that feeling. 

Even when you were too young to understand what love is and what it felt like, even when you convinced yourself that everything you felt for him was purely platonic in nature, your feelings for Jisung were there. So.. since always. You’ve always wanted him close to you, always wanted your life to be spent with him by your side, always, always loved him above anyone else.

He groans loudly, throwing his arms up and covering his face in a display of anguish. "You're telling me you could've been my girlfriend this whole time?" You can’t help but giggle at his reaction, finding him impossibly cute and funny.

“It’s not too late for me to be your girlfriend now,” you say, and he immediately peels his arms away from his face, looking at you as if you’ve said something that he only could’ve imagined in his wildest dreams.

“Do you mean that?” he asks, hope palpable in his tone, eyes pleading for this to not be something you’re saying just to tease him. “Of course I mean that, silly,” you giggle a little, reaching out for his hands and squeezing them in yours, “I meant everything I said.”

“Oh my god, thank god– I mean, you’re really going to be my girlfriend? You’re not just saying it, right? I don’t have to like. Pretend I don’t have feelings for you anymore? Because it’s been driving me insane, and I don't think I can do it anymore, you're way too pretty and–”

“Jisung–! Shut up and kiss me already,” you interrupt his rambling, and he blinks once, twice, obliging your request as soon as the reality of your words settles over him. 

When your lips finally touch his, it feels so right– like everything you’ve ever felt or experienced in your entire life was all to lead to this very moment. It’s sweet, addictive, intoxicating– everything you have ever wanted, ever hoped for, and more.

His hands are hesitant, unsure of where they should rest and if it’s okay to touch you, but when you reach out to him and pull yourself closer, it’s all the permission he needs to let his hands wander. 

Years worth of suppressed emotions bubble to the surface all at once, both of you caught in the tidal wave of repressed feelings and urges. Soft, slow timid kisses eventually turn into full ones, deep and impassioned, with all the weight of your feelings pressed into them. Your hands rest on his chest while his move down your waist, fingers lingering on your hips for just a moment before bringing them back up. 

His tongue licks against your lip, tentative and almost shy, a silent hope lingering, an unspoken beg for your permission. You open your mouth, granting him what he desires with no restraint, your own tongue meeting his eagerly, coming together in a salacious dance. One of his hands reaches for the nape of your neck to keep you close, and you can feel him smile against your lips when it causes a noise of approval to involuntarily escape from your throat.

Both of your lips become red and swollen from their constant use, any sense of rhythm having completely degraded now that your open mouth kisses have turned into sloppy messes of tongue. It’s embarrassing how worked up he’s getting just from kissing you, and he desperately hopes you haven’t noticed how hard he’s gotten from it. But of course, you have noticed, and you definitely intend on doing something about it. 

“Ji.. do you want to touch me?” you pull away from him to ask, and the reaction you get from him is immediate. “God, yes, can I?” The eagerness in his voice makes you giggle as you nod. “Just, uhm.. Get comfortable?” you suggest, shifting your position so that you’re on your heels, hands just slightly in front of you, making your intent clear to him– you want to be in his lap, and obviously he’s going to let you. 

Jisung leans back on the sofa, watching you crawl in his lap with bated breath before you pull your shirt up and over your head, tossing it to the floor beside you. You reach for one of his hands, guiding it to your chest, and he swallows thickly, the sight before him making him throb in his shorts. The fact that he gets to kiss you now, gets to touch you– it’s a dream come true. Though, the reality is much better than any of his many, many dreams of being with you. 

He lifts his other hand to you as well, completely forgetting he's using it to support himself, making him fall completely back against the sofa, head thunking on the arm rest. You laugh as he lets out a small “ow!”, his clumsy nature always endearing to you, and especially so during this moment; it’s the sweet, goofy side of Jisung that made you fall in love with him, after all. 

Jisung laughs with you once the sting fades, fully indulging in the sound of your laugh and the cute way your face scrunches, even if it is at his expense. You reach your hand to his head, rubbing it in soft, soothing gesture as you lean down, kissing him once more as he cups your breasts in his hands. The mewl you let out against his lips when he squeezes is enough to send him straight to heaven.

No, he already is in heaven, because nothing could be better than this; you on him, against him, kissing him, letting him touch and squeeze you to his heart's content. He lets out a hiss when you settle your full weight into his lap, his erection pressing directly against you. He gasps when you grind against him, and you use that as an opportunity to let your tongue back into his mouth. 

You stay like that for some time, making out with each other while your fingers are tangled in his hair and his hands squeeze at your flesh, but you’re beginning to desire more, and you can tell Jisung is too, from the way his body reacts with every subtle move you make. You separate from him, sitting up and bringing your hands behind your back to unhook your bra and finally remove it.

“W-Wait, your roommates–” Jisung’s voice comes out urgently, abruptly propping himself up on his elbows as a realization hits him, “what if they come home? While you’re.. we’re..?” Oh. You were still in the living room, huh? That fact entirely left your mind, much too absorbed in the man underneath you to think about who could end up seeing the both of you like this.

Well, they knew you were inviting him over today, and knowing them, they’d likely stay out for a while to allow you to have alone time.. But still, it’d be better to not risk having them walk in on the sight of you half naked in your boyfriend’s lap. “My room, then?” you ask, carefully removing yourself from atop him, and Jisung nods eagerly, quickly rising to his feet the moment he is able.

You grab your shirt from the floor, ensuring you leave no evidence of your actions behind before leading Jisung to your room with quick, eager steps. He’s been in your room a million times, but it feels so different now, given the context of everything that happened moments before. You both stand there a moment, not hesitant, but rather shy, deciding how best you should proceed from here.

You eventually decide to sit on your bed first, shooting Jisung a soft smile afterwards that lets him know he’s welcome to come join you. So he does; he carefully sits next to you, the newfound shyness fully settling over the two of you. You were acting in the heat of the moment earlier, your bodies reacting before your minds could catch up, but now that you’ve both had a moment to process your actions, it fills you with butterflies. 

There’s a moment where you stay like that, subtle blushes on your faces as you look at each other, before you speak up again, “Do you want to keep going..?” “Yes!” Jisung answers without even thinking, immediately clearing his throat after and trying to play off how eager he just sounded, “I mean, uhm– yes. Do you want to?”

The blush on his face flares when you giggle at him; he knows you aren’t laughing at him necessarily, but he can’t help the tinge of embarrassment that crawls up his spine. “Yes, I do,” you smile at him, and it’s so pretty and bright that he can’t even be flustered anymore; because more importantly than that, you want to keep going too– you want more, just like he does. 

So he smiles too, reaching out to you and pulling you into a kiss, both of you giggling into it softly. The giggles fade out as the kiss becomes more heated, you gently pushing him back and crawling back on top of him when his head hits your pillows, returning to the position you were in previously. 

Jisung’s hands are the ones that reach behind you this time, fumbling with the hooks of your bra while you kiss him with his face in your hands. Thankfully, he gets it undone on the third try, and you sit back up, letting it fall down your arms and subsequently tossing it aside. “..so beautiful,” he mumbles mostly to himself, but you still hear it, and it makes the blush on your face flare.

You grab at the hem of his shirt, wanting to see his body as well. He lifts himself off his back, helping you pull his shirt off, neither of you paying any mind to where it lands once it’s discarded. You trace your hands over him when he lays back again, from his broad chest to his slim waist, eyes drinking him in while your hands familiarize themselves with the feeling of his bare skin. 

You’ve seen him shirtless countless times in recent years, so you’re no stranger to how attractive he is, but it’s different now; different because now you can openly admire him, and don't have to pretend to not notice that he’s built like a greek god. Even Adonis himself doesn’t hold a candle to the beauty of Han Jisung. 

“You’re so pretty, Ji,” you tell him sincerely. The compliment makes the blush on his face darken, but he returns your smile, reaching his hands back up to you. “I should be saying that to you,” he responds, one of his hands resting on your waist, “you’re the prettiest thing in the world.” He brings his other hand to the nape of your neck just as before, gently pulling you back to him before you can reply, his tongue grazing your lips when they touch again.

He brings your hands to breasts now, cupping them in his hands as he did before. He can feel your breath shudder when his thumbs brush over your nipples, a soft mewl pouring into his mouth when he rubs them between his fingers. The stimulation makes your entire body shiver, your hips grind down in search of some sort of relief, soft groans leaving Jisung every time you press your body down on his cock.

You separate from the kiss, one your hands reaching between your bodies, settling on the waistband of his shorts. “Is this okay?” you ask, watching him for any sign of hesitation or apprehension, but there’s none to be found. Instead, you’re met with eager, twinkling eyes, anticipation written all over him as he nods, a soft “yes, please,” leaving him in a quick breath.

You shove his waistband down just enough to free his cock from its confines, a hiss escaping him when your fingers begin to trace him up and down. Your fingers gather the pre-cum leaking from his tip, spreading it over his length easily, and turning him into a wet, sticky mess. He watches in breathless awe when your hand wraps around him, entranced by the visual before him.

You, so beautiful and lovely, with your pretty hands on and around him, watching him and the way his body reacts to you with sweet salacity. He lets out a breathy groan when you begin to pump him earnestly, his eyes closing despite how badly he wants to keep watching. Your hand just feels so much better than his, so much softer and perfectly warm. 

You watch his face, committing to memory the way it contorts, the way his brows furrow and teeth sink into his bottom lip. You memorize the way his chest rises and falls with each quick breath, the way his thighs tremble, the way his stomach contracts as you drive him closer and closer to release. 

“Sungie,” you call to him, slowing your pace down just enough for him to be able to easily open his eyes and look at you, “want you in my mouth– is that okay? Can I?”

“Oh my god, yes, please, you don’t even have to ask,” he says between shallow breaths, far too excited to have your mouth on him to be embarrassed by the desperate display he’s putting on.

He props himself on his elbows, watching you scoot yourself down his legs and bringing your face right up to his cock. Your tongue comes out first, collecting the pre-cum with long, drawn out licks, and fuck, the sight alone is enough to have his eyes rolling back. You kiss the tip before you wrap your lips around him, his head falling back and curses leaving his lips as you sink your head down on him.

His hands grip at your sheets, desperately trying to hold himself back from bucking his hips up and choking you, because the last thing he wants is to accidentally hurt you. But fuck, your mouth feels so amazing, he almost can’t breathe. “God, fuck-” he gasps when his cock touches the back of your throat, your tongue rubbing the underside so perfectly.

He’s trying to hold it back, desperate to feel your tongue on him longer, to have your lips wrapped around him for just another moment, but he can’t. He releases with a strained cry, his cum filling your mouth in quick spurts. The unfamiliar feeling causes you to gag at first, but you recover quickly, swallowing all he has to give you happily. 

You release him from your mouth when you feel him begin to soften, laying next to him with a soft, satisfied smile on your face. “Was it good?” you ask him and he lets out a breathless laugh before he answers.

“So good, seriously, you’re amazing,” he says, turning his head to look at you with a small smile of his own to match yours, “but you already knew that, didn’t you? You just wanted me to say it.” 

“Maybe,” you giggle, and Jisung does as well, shifting to his side and pulling your body closer to his. He kisses you once more, tasting himself on your lips, but not at all minding it– in fact, he finds that he actually really likes it. It’s fucking hot, if he’s being honest. But there’s one thing that would make it even hotter– if your taste was on his tongue too.

“I want to make you feel good too,” he says, fingers resting on your hips, just above your own waistband, “is that okay with you? Can I?” The question makes your stomach flip, thighs pressing together at the idea of Jisung between your legs– you really want it. “Yes, I– I want you to.” 

With your affirmation, he lifts himself off the bed and lets you lay back, deciding to remove the last of his clothing before settling between your legs once you’re comfortable. His fingers hook in your waistband now, ready to take your shorts and underwear off together in one motion. He looks at you before he does, taking in your expression that is filled with shy anticipation, eyes traveling down your body next, stopping where his hands rest on your hips.

God, he feels like a virgin again with the way his hands tremble, the thought of you seeing you bare leaving him as nervous as it does excited. Why does his heart feel like it’s going to burst out of his chest? He’s eager, he knows that, and shyness still lingers, but there’s something else there that’s making his heart race out of control. 

It’s because he loves you, if he had to guess. You turn him to putty, one look from you enough to reduce him to a mere puddle. He doubts you know the effect you have on him, as he’s spent so much time trying to hide it, but he doesn’t have to anymore. Jisung can love you fully now– no need to hold back, to push it aside, to try and disguise it as the platonic love between friends. 

He can hold you in his arms, can feel your lips on his, can touch your bare skin, can put his all into making you as happy as you make him. He looks back at your face again, your expression is similar to his own. Eager trepidation written in your eyes, love and adoration lingering underneath. 

Your eyes meet his once more, shy but certain, and you smile at him, the way you always have. A smile that makes his brain go fuzzy, that fills him with a sweet desire, that makes him whole. You, the brightest star in his galaxy, so beautiful and perfect, whom he once thought was out of reach but now sits in hands, radiating love and warmth. 

If he is your Adonis, then you’re his Aphrodite; when you are together, the sun shines brighter, the world more vibrant, more beautiful, all because you’re there with him. He’ll love you until his last breath, and he knows you’ll do the same, a promise unspoken for now, but will one day leave him earnestly, down on one knee with a ring in hand. 

“I love you,” he tells you as he leans down, kissing you before you can utter a reply, slowly pulling your clothing down your legs as he does. Jisung’s earnest admission, paired with his actions, makes the heat on your face flare and body tremble, hands coming up to cover your face once the kiss is over as an even more intense shyness settles over you.

“Love you too,” you mutter, face feeling impossibly hot. Sure, you already admitted it earlier, but it’s your first time hearing it from Jisung, and the fact that he’s saying it during an intimate moment while looking at you like that? Your heart simply can’t handle it. Peeking through your fingers, you can see him smiling as he carefully pushes your legs apart and it makes a whine unconsciously leave you.

“Baby,” his voice calls to you, and the use of the petname from him definitely does your heart no favors, “why are you covering your face? It’s just me.”

“That’s the problem– it’s you,” you mumble, just barely managing to peel your hands away from your face to give him a pout. Doesn’t he know that the way you’re acting now is entirely his fault? It was much easier to push past your shyness when the focus was on him instead of you. 

Jisung isn’t used to seeing this bashful side of you and God, it’s so cute that he might have fallen for you even harder than before (if that’s even possible.) He smiles again, and you swear this surge of confidence from him has to be illegal– because the effect it has on you is positively lethal. Han Jisung is going to be the death of you. 

“You’re so wet,” he speaks softly in your ear, fingers rubbing through your folds and coating them in the proof of your excitement. “Jisung–” you whine once more, but before you can cover your face again, his other hand comes up to stop you. “Please let me see you. I need to know how you feel when I’m touching you. Okay, baby? Please.” 

Fuck. How can you say no after hearing that? You concede with a nod, lowering your hands in a silent promise to do your best to look at him, to let him see you no matter how shy or overwhelmed you may get; because if it’s what Jisung wants, you’ll do your best to ensure he has it. 

“Thank you,” he smiles as he gives you a quick peck on the lips, “in return I’ll make sure you feel so good. Are you ready?” You nod again, but quickly realize he wants you to actually say it, so you swallow down your nerves the best you can to allow yourself to speak. “Yes, I– I’m ready. Make me feel good, please.” 

His two middle fingers press against your hole, using the tips of his fingers to check for any resistance before carefully pushing fully inside. His first motions are slow, making sure you’re well adjusted to the feeling of his fingers and observing you for any changes in expression. Your body jolts when he finds the spot inside you that makes you see stars, head falling back as an unintentionally loud moan escapes you. 

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip, eyes squeezing shut, whimpers and moans unable to be held back with the way his fingers repeatedly prod at your spot. “Does it feel good? You like how my fingers feel inside you?” He asks, and even though you can’t see the smile anymore, you can hear it. You nod repeatedly, mouth opening to try to tell him, though all that escapes you are embarrassingly loud sounds of pleasure. 

“Can’t say it? That’s okay, your pussy is telling me everything I need to know. You’re squeezing my fingers so tight,” he says in your ear, pressing a kiss to your skin after. Oh, you liked that a lot– he can tell by the way you clench around his fingers, legs trembling and hands twisting the sheets beneath you. Maybe the fact that he talks a lot will be a good thing for once.

“You gonna cum soon? Want to cum all over my fingers? Go ahead baby, I want to see it, show me how good you feel.” “Oh my god, Ji-” you gasp; you’re so, so close– you just need one thing to finally push you over the edge. “K-Kiss, please, need a kiss,” you practically beg, looking at him with watery eyes and pouty lips. 

Holy fuck, does that make him crumble. How could anything be simultaneously so cute and fucking hot? He leans down to meet your request, free hand moving to cup your face while his fingers continue their ministrations, and that’s all you need to finally come undone.

Your entire body shakes, eyes rolling back as your release soaks his fingers. He keeps kissing you even as you come down from your high, letting you pull back for air as you please but always capturing your lips again as soon as he is able. 

You whine when he finally slips his fingers out of you, watching shyly as he brings them to his mouth to lick clean. His eyes stay on yours the entire time, and it makes the heat on your face intensify beyond what you thought was possible. He kisses you once more when he’s finished, tongue coaxing you to open your mouth, both your tastes melding together on your tongues, just as he wanted.

He’s hard again too– you can feel his cock pressing against you, begging for more stimulation that you’re more than happy to give. “Ji–” you pull away from his lips to long enough to speak, “please fuck me.”

He groans at your words, opening his eyes to look at you before he continues, “I will, I promise I’ll make you feel so good. But, I– I, uhm, I don’t have anything, I didn’t expect anything to happen, so..” 

“That’s okay. I trust you Ji,” you reply, pressing a soft kiss to his lips as you reach your hand to his face, “love you so much, just want you inside me.” He groans again, kissing you sweetly as he aligns himself with your entrance.

“You’re sure?” he pulls away to ask first, “It’s okay to change your mind, I can run out and grab condoms and–” You smile, shutting him up with a kiss before he can continue to ramble. You appreciate the offer, and the sweet consideration he has for you, but.. “I’m so sure, I promise. I want this.”

He returns your smile when you pull away, reaching one of his hands to grab yours, squeezing it before intertwining your fingers together. “As long as you’re sure, I’ll give you everything you want,” he says, a promise that extends beyond just this moment– anything and everything he has to give, it’s yours for as long as you want it. 

Jisung can’t help but let out a moan as he sinks inside you, eyes closing and head falling forward at the immediate overwhelming pleasure your body brings him. You squeeze his hand, your other one coming up to hold his face; you can feel the heat radiating off his cheek, can see the sweat that lingers on his brow and makes his hair stick to his forehead. 

When he opens his eyes to look at you again, his stomach erupts in butterflies, heart squeezing in his chest. You’re just as sweaty as him, face flushed and hair disheveled, and yet it’s the most beautiful you’ve ever been– and you’re smiling; the pretty smile that always turns his brain to mush and snatches his breath away. 

God, he can’t take it– he needs to calm down before the sight of you, paired with the mind-numbing pleasure that’s encompassing him, gives him a heart attack. "Sungie, are you okay?" you ask after a moment passes, concern growing on your face as you continue to hold his face in your hand.

"Fuck, y-yeah, I'm fine, I– I just.. this is so embarrassing, but I just like– I need a minute," he admits almost breathlessly, as if even the act speaking to you is a struggle– and in a way it is, because all his concentration is being poured into not cumming just from seeing your pretty face, or your beautiful body underneath him while being squeezed by your walls.

"Take your time, I'm not going anywhere," you tell him sincerely, squeezing his hand in reassurance as you lean up to kiss him. You understand why he’s embarrassed, but you hope he knows that when he’s with you, he doesn’t have to be; you love him no matter what.

Besides, you have to admit you like that you have such a profound effect on him. And while the kiss doesn’t help calm his heart by any means, he appreciates your sweetness endlessly, meeting your lips eagerly despite himself. 

When his hips finally move, the sweet sound that pours from your lips sends a shiver through his entire body. He wants, needs, to hear it again, more and more, until his name is the only thing lingering on your tongue, the only thing you are capable of uttering between your pleasured moans.

“So pretty, everything about you, your body, the sounds you make, so pretty,” he tells you, though his lips barely leave yours long enough to say it. Your fingers tangle in his hair, tugging just enough to draw a whine from him, and he knows he’s done for.

Every sound, every touch, every glance, no matter how soft or how subtle drives him further into overwhelming bliss. He’s drowning in you, in the love and relief you offer him, lost in the abyss that is your care. He brings his hands to your legs, lifting them up and effectively folding you in half, aiming to find the spot that’ll have you crying out for him.

It only takes a few experimental thrusts to find it, and the way clench around him, voice ringing loudly in his ears as your legs tremble in his hold, it’s enough to make him want to cum right then and there. His pace quickens, bottom lip caught between his teeth as he watches your body react to him, desperate to hold back his need to cum for as long as he can manage, just so he can have this view of you for a while longer. 

But when you start to whine his name, when you breathlessly tell him you can feel him twitching inside you, can feel him so deep and how you feel so good– his restraint crumbles in an instant, falling apart for you far too easily. His hips stutter as he drills into you, thrusts becoming sloppy as he chases his high. You bring your fingers to your clit, rubbing in quick circles, wanting nothing more than to cum with the person you’ve loved your entire life.

"Oh my fucking god, feels so good, you feel so good, I– f-fuck, I can't–" he babbles against your skin, his high so dangerously close, but doing his best to hold it back just for you, so that you can cum together. “Baby, ‘m so close, gonna cum, want you to cum with me, please, please cum with me,” he begs, voice easily the most whiny and desperate you’ve ever heard it, and your body reacts almost instantly, as if his word was the command you needed to finally let go.

You use your free hand to pull him into a messy, open mouthed kiss, eyes rolling back as you finally cum on his cock and let him swallow every noise you make. Your entire body tenses and shudders, his cock twitching as you squeeze him tighter, pleasured whines and curses tumbling from his lips as cum shoots into you, fucking you through your shared highs. He continues to fuck you until overstimulation and sensitivity takes hold, his body trembling as he pulls out of you.

He promptly lies next to you, arms wasting no time in wrapping around you, hugging you closely to himself as the two of you collect your breath. You can’t help but smile as you look at him, and he does the same, his unwavering love and joy meeting your own. You recognize that you should probably get up, should clean up and get dressed now before your roommates get home, but you simply don’t want to. 

You wiggle closer, pressing yourself against him, letting out a content sigh when his arms squeeze you tighter. You close your eyes for a moment, indulging in the security Jisung brings you, the love, the support, the safety of his touch, of his presence. He kisses the top of your head, meeting your cute, gentle smile with one of his own. 

When he looks at you, and sees the pure, obvious love written in your eyes, he's not sure how he always missed it. You look at him the way he looks at you– like he holds your entire world in his hands, the sincerest form of love shining in every glance, bleeding into every touch.

Your smile, sweet and content, eyes soft and full of adoration; they tell him everything. Even without words, he knows– you love him, now and always. A promise, unspoken but understood, that you'll always be together, that you'll always have each other. 

Jisung takes his time now, to do all the things he imagined he would do if he was ever granted this moment; he holds you close, he plants kisses all over you, he tells you how pretty you are, how perfect and beautiful, until you're giggling, a cute pink blush spreading on your cheeks as you playfully tell him to stop. And when he does, and you look at him with your gleaming eyes and adorable smile, he tells you he loves you, just as he's always wanted to.  

[crehador]

i think one thing that's so compelling to me about adachi (and his relationship with kurosawa) is the focal point of his internal worries is never really "i can't reciprocate kurosawa's feelings because he's a man" or even "i can't reciprocate kurosawa's feelings because i don't like him" (speaking on the first 2 eps of the anime only rn)

it's always more of an "i can't reciprocate kurosawa's feelings because i'm not good enough for him/i don't deserve it" sort of thing and that just so makes me root for him, because it's the kind of feeling you want to see a character overcome

like to me the sort of story that's like "i don't like this person who's pursuing me but as time goes on they wear me down and i give in" is at best never all that interesting, so the fact that it's not strictly a lack of interest for adachi (in ep2 he even tries to think of something he dislikes about kurosawa and comes up blank) makes it way easier for me to get invested. it's just a severe lack of self-confidence

and to be clear i don't get the feeling that adachi is secretly in love with kurosawa already and just isn't aware of it. to me it feels more like he's never allowed himself to even consider it, to even think about whether he likes someone else because his default state of mind assumes no one could possibly like him anyway

this just feels like such an appealing romance because at its core it doesn't strike me as that typical "i'll break him down until he can't resist me" type story, but rather what kurosawa needs to do is build adachi up which is just immensely more romantic to me

[necrotic-nephilim]

For the ask game, brujay where it was one sided before and after Ethiopia but only perceived one sided afterwards.

I've always had a head canon about Jaybin having a crush before the Joker got him but that love changing drastically afterwards.

Because I read in a fic once that Bruce loves Jason so much that he would have sex with him if he ever asked and it has haunted me since (can't remember which fic sadly)

Loving reading all these asks btw ❣️

for the ask game!

THIS IS THE PEAK FLAVOR OF BRUJAY. one-sided pre-death turned to an absolute clusterfuck of feelings after Jason comes back. i've read a couple of fics with that concept because. god it's so fucking good. it's the best way for Bruce and Jason to sleep together, in my humble opinion.

i think before his death, Jason knows it's just a childhood crush. he's been on the streets to know what kind of men like teenagers, and Bruce categorically isn't one of those men. Bruce has always been strictly professional and fatherly toward Jason. so sure, it's a blow for the feelings to be unrequited, but Jason is almost relieved Bruce isn't that type of man because it means for once, he's safe at home and can relax around Bruce. Bruce probably notices the crush too, Jason stares openly and gets bashful when Bruce compliments him. but Bruce regards it as a hero worship sort of thing, and he keeps a careful distance, expecting Jason to grow out of it once he settles into living with Bruce. it's an innocent thing to both of them, just teenage hormones. Bruce loves Jason platonically regardless of it. but then. well. Jason dies before he could outgrow the crush and with everything else, it's the last thing on Bruce's mind. he wants to remember the good, innocent parts of Jason. he almost manages to forget about it.

Jason coming back is an unsteady thing. Bruce questions every part of it. (after all, Jason already faked Bruce out once during the Hush plot. Bruce has reason to be doubtful) so everything Jason says, everything he does, is under deep scrutiny for Bruce. anything could be a manipulation tactic. i think when Jason expresses his love this time, Bruce doesn't immediately believe him. sure, he distantly remembers Jason's old crush, but the way Jason expresses love now is different. it's rough, violent, and possessive. and to be fair, Jason is mostly using it to taunt Bruce and drag out his guilt. because he doesn't expect a world where Bruce could reciprocate his feelings. Bruce won't even acknowledge them, accusing Jason of lying and being sick in the head for thinking that's a funny joke. it's part of their dance back and forth, parts of Jason that Bruce won't acknowledge because they're not neat and easily digestible. Bruce doesn't want to admit that his dead son is now a killer. he doesn't want to admit that Jason could like him romantically because somehow, Bruce will turn that into his own failings. he didn't raise Jason right, didn't set clear enough boundaries when Jason was Robin. he didn't keep Jason alive long enough for the childhood crush to fade and now, it's become something twisted and unsightly Bruce doesn't know how to face.

Bruce's own feelings would be... slow and complicated. he loves Jason, that's unquestionable. everytime they run into each other though, everytime they fight and Jason taunts him more and more, that love feels different. Bruce would lay awake at night, wondering if Jason is getting to him. how he's letting Jason change the love inside of him. the memory of Jason from before is slipping through Bruce's fingers, making Bruce wonder if Jason was always like this and Bruce just didn't see him that way. Bruce would distance himself from the rest of the Batfam. if he can develop romantic feelings for Jason, who knows what feelings could arise for the others. he has to hold them all at arms length, emotionally. and the problem is, Bruce doesn't even know how to define his love. calling it strictly romantic is... wrong. part of Jason is still his son. his sidekick. it's a tangled mess of feelings that Bruce doesn't know how to face. he's not sure if he fully reciprocates Jason's love. at the very least, he doesn't reciprocate in the way that Jason loves. Jason's love is possessive to the point of obsession. he wants Bruce all to himself and they both know it. they also both know that will never happen. Bruce will always have other loved ones (both romantic and familial) that he can't deny and Jason will never fully come first. and since Bruce doesn't return that intensity, and he keeps wanting to change Jason, Jason assumes it isn't reciprocated at all. he's basically accepted it.

i think Bruce would admit his feelings on accident. he knows it's a deadly thing if he admits his love to Jason. how it could make Jason so much more violent and likely to target Bruce's family. so he's doing his best to keep it under wraps so Jason doesn't know. Bruce knows even if he admitted his love, they wouldn't work together, so it'd just be needlessly cruel for Jason to know, in his view. he thinks he's protecting Jason. but during another fight, Bruce accidentally says it. and the whole world just stops for Jason, because this isn't something Bruce would joke or lie about. he can see the regret in bruce's eyes for admitting it, and Jason wouldn't know how to feel. should he be angry, excited, in shock. so it just stops Jason in his tracks. Bruce expected explosive violence from Jason finding out, but instead Jason is just stunned and sitting in silence. almost looking like his old self, for a moment. even though he believes Bruce, Jason still needs proof. he still asks Bruce to fuck him, to prove it. to make it real. no matter Bruce's feelings, Bruce never would've fucked Jason by his own will. but he'd do anything for Jason. anything for the chance to bring Jason back. he loves Jason, that much is true no matter how tangled that love is. so, he gives in and does it for Jason. he fucks Jason in some grimy warehouse, bring Jason home, and then fucks him again, properly in a bed with aftercare. for a moment, the fantasy is almost real. Bruce has the hope that Jason is fixable, with Jason pressed against him, warm and pliant after sex.

of course it doesn't last. Jason wants more and more from Bruce, more than Bruce is willing to give. their love devolves to screaming and more fighting. sometimes their fights end in fucking, sometimes they don't. it's volatile either way. Jason has threatened just about every person close to Bruce under the sun, and none of it gets bruce to break and give more. even in love, they're always chasing each other and trying to get something the other can't give. they both know what the other could be capable of, if they were willing to change. and that's what makes it all the more frustrating. Bruce knows Jason is capable of kindness, he's seen it in Jason before. and Jason knows what kind of weapon Bruce could be if he just let go of his morals. it's so close for both of them, but in the end, neither of them get what they want. doesn't stop them from crawling into each other's bed, though. they will always seek each other out. need each other. that weird fucked up love you can't put a name to.

[nerdyrevelries]

I think a lot of people miss how funny Little Women the novel is, so I wanted to share a couple of my favorite things that I never hear talked about.

Jo is so uninterested in Laurie as a romantic prospect that she ships him with every single one of her sisters throughout the books. Initially she makes plans for Teddy and Meg to eventually end up married so that Meg can have a rich husband to take care of her. Of course, this plan fails when Meg gets engaged to John Brooke.

Later, Jo sees Beth staring out the window wistfully and sighing when Laurie passes below. Beth is jealous of his good health because she knows she's dying, but Jo instead mistakes this for romantic interest. There's nothing romantic between the two outside of Jo's head.

Finally, Jo reflects that Amy and Laurie would be a perfect match, but given how her previous attempts at meddling have gone, she isn't going to try and do anything to make it happen. This time, it happens without her help.

It's very much the vibes of someone knowing a guy who they consider to be a really good dude but they have no personal interest in them, so instead they try to set him up with all of their friends. Laurie was never in the friend zone. He was always strictly in the brother-in-law zone.

As for Laurie, the book makes it clear that his affections are changing targets far before Laurie himself is willing to admit it, in an extremely funny way. Laurie is in Europe feeling sorry for himself after Jo has turned him down. At the same time, he's been getting closer to Amy.

But Laurie has convinced himself that his first love should be his last and decides to write an opera with Jo as his heroine. Except that Jo is not an easy fit for an opera heroine, and whenever he tries to call up romantic feelings about her, he finds himself remembering Jo at her least romantic doing very prosaic things like beating a carpet while in the old practical clothes one wears for cleaning.

So, Laurie decides to give up on making Jo his heroine and instead puts in a graceful lady with blonde hair and blue ribbons. Which, of course, doesn't sound at all like someone else we might know, right, Laurie? Definitely an Original Character, Do Not Steal. The text is very much aware of this and lampshades it.

[parkminijiminie]

What is going on with Jimin, Jungkook and Jikook?

Warning: long post

I've been a BTS fan since early 2017. Back in the day, I ran this blog here, analyzing a lot of Jikook moments, but life sort of took over, and I stopped having the time for it. However, I never stopped being a fan and observing BTS and Jikook through the years. There's a lot said and written already about the supposed video of JK, but here are my two cents.

To me, the most logical explanation for that video is that this really is Jungkook. The layout of the apartment matches (yes, even the position of the security system, if you have ever watched JKs lives, you'd know that it actually is at his shoulder height, just like in the video), the dog looks like Bam, the couch is the same and this definitely looks like JK. There's also another video of the man in this apartment, alone, shirtless, and having a whole tattoo sleeve on his right arm just like JK. Obviously, we don't know for sure, but it looks like it's him. People say it was filmed in late Feb, early March, and I agree. JK had the same hair then, the outfits look warm, like winter clothes and not to forget, that when JK was stalked in his gym (late of February) there were a lot of fuss about a girl being there with him, so it all checks out in my book.

Now, what the video shows isn't that scandalous. A boy hugging a girl from behind and them playfighting/tickling each other or whatever. It isn't overly explicit. It could mean a lot of things, but it's clear the people are at the very least physically comfortable with each other. It's a short video. We don't know if they're even alone, but it looks like it. There are a number of possibilities for whom this person is to JK: a long-time girlfriend, a casual hook-up, a one night stand, or just a friend.

We'll probably never know for sure. What we do know is that this is an unacceptable invasion of privacy, and the person who took those videos should be sued for all they are worth. I hope we all agree on that, yes?

Now, if this girl is someone JK is dating/has dated/has slept with, where does that leave his and JM's relationship?

In my eyes, as someone who's observed them for literal years now, there's no way JM and JK have always had a strictly platonic relationship. Too much just doesn't add up. Sure, technically, they could be bestest friends with great chemistry, but as someone who is now 30 years old, I don't think I've seen this type of chemistry between people ever be just platonic. At times, it looked too much like sexual tension for it to easily be dubbed as "friendly".

My theory is this (keep in mind these are still just assumptions):

In 2017-2020, pre-Covid era, JM and JK spent A LOT of time together, basically all of it. BTS were super active, they didn't have any breaks. They were always working. Always on tour and doing smth else. JM and JK were pretty young back then (20-24) and this is typically the time when someone discovers their sexuality and starts experimenting, and I believe that at some point they did this together. They were best friends but also had this weird tension and air around them and I think they could've started a physical relationship back then. The members teasing them hear and there about being a couple, also kind of supports this, though of course, it doesn't prove anything.

Contrary to other people, I don't belive they only just fucked. It's very hard to have sex with someone who you are very close to otherwise, who you love and admire as a person, and not catch romantic feelings for them, so I think they did more than fucking. Whether they had a serious relationship or decided not to label it much, due to MS coming up, the group being in jeopardy or other reasons, I tend to think that other than sex, they also had feelings.

Side note: In any case, they were figuring thinks out about themselves as individuals, as well as a pair. I think maybe this is the time JM realized he is definitely bisexual (which he proudly expressed in his photobook of last year in my opinion). Idk what Jk figured out for himself, if anything.

Anyhow, by 2020‐2021 it seemed they had some sort of agreement about what/who they were to each other. At times they could have been on and off. There might have been other people/partners in-between, but I think they were mainly together by this point. It even looked like they lived together for some time. The fact they always took the same car and they were together on JKs birthday night when they first had number 1 on hot 100 sort of proves it. JM's birthday live in 2021 was also sus af (the way he was blushing while mentioning JK and their whole convos, very sus).

I think before Covid they had smth somewhat stable but then Covid hit. Their schedules changed, it was a tough period overall. Suddenly, they were not working and traveling so much, they were staying in SK. I think this was the time things started getting much more real and different. MS was also in the near horizon. Maybe one of them wanted a more committed relationship, and the other wasn't ready. Maybe they were both afraid. Maybe they tried and it didn't really work out. Maybe one finally realized his sexuality and the other had doubs. Whatever it was, the feelings of affection were still there. Chemistry as well. Proof: JM bday live in 2021 was just crazy, the way he blushed when JK was mentioned and the way the spoke to each other... man. Also, the way the were at PTD L.A. The way JK answered questions about JM etc.

So , all that connected them as people was still there, but I think their relationship come late 2021-early 2022 was definitely more unstable. Who knows what happened then. Personally, I don't believe in the theory that they opened their relationship, rather I believe by the second half of 2022, due to whatever reasons, things were simple mostly off between them. I believe they stayed this way all through the second half of the year and at least the first 4 months of 2023. They were friends, their families still loved and supported each other (JK's mom made seaweed soup for JM's bday, which one does for family) but that's about it. They weren't living together anymore, as well.

The beginning of 2023 we saw a very busy JM and a very not busy JK. Sure, they still commented on their welives but it seemed they didn't meet each other that often. Jm was working, JK was at home and occasionally with Tae. Yeah, JK watched a lot of JM content and often invited him over, but he also didn't know when his promotions will be over and it seemed they haven't seen each other for some time and JK was missing JM. I think if they truly were a serious couple back then, they would still have found the time to meet each other no matter how busy one or the other was, especially considering they live in the same city, and it wasnt the case. I don't think JK would have to resort to watching hours of JM's content just to satisfy his need-for-JM thirst, if they were a couple back then.

So, yeah, I think they were not more than friends by this point, for sure, which also ties up pretty well with the timing of the recent leaked video (February-March). To me it seems that JK and JM probably saw other people in that period, at least JK, JM was pretty damn busy then. Maybe they had some serious partners even, maybe just hook-ups here and there. Maybe this was JK's time to explore more of his heterosexual side, who knows. I don't think he stopped caring for JM in some capacity. In fact it kind of looked like he longed for his company but for one reason or another, they were simply not that much in each other's lives in the first quarter of 2023.

But then something weird happened around June-July. First JM is all scratched up from something (presumably Bam) indicating he saw JK and spent time with him. Then Seven came out and JM flew to NY. There they spend a long, fun weekend amid promotions. It wasn't a secret but they seemed to want to keep private and didn't really want to talk about it , judging by the way JK answered the question about JM being in NY as well. JM was practically silent. Then they returned and that welive happened. The one where they openly flirted, JM said he could handle JK naked, JK blushed like a school girl and tried everything in his power to get to JM but JM said "I'm not that easy". That welive. Idk about you, but that welive didn't seem platonic to me at all and if I had been JK's partner at the time, I would definitely be very angry with his behaviour. I don't think JK is disrespectful and a cheater, and neither is JM for that matter, so I believe there's no way any of them had a partner when that welive happened. I simply refuse to belive they are that type of people.

So, my conclusion is they were both single then and something definitely happend in July and NY. They returned somewhat different and they still kind of are. Jk posted pics of NY to Twitter for the first time. Jm shared a pic from then for JKs bday (shirtless, as we all know) and then recently another pic from a boat that could have been from back then, as well. The whole way they're acting offline and online strangely reminds me a lot of the time after their trip to Tokyo, actually. The way JM has been posting about JK very much give me nostalgia about the way he used to post Jikook often in 2017-2018 before he withdrew from social media. But maybe that's just me 🤷‍♀️

Anyway, to finish this long post I will say this. I don't know what Jikook were and are to each other and unless, it is explicitly denied the person in the video is JK, I will believe that it's him. But also, unless it is confirmed he currently has a girlfriend, I will have my doubts. The video is old and in any case, it doesn't prove much other than the fact JK is maybe into women (solely or also into them). This video though doesn't automatically negate everything I've seen between Jikook through the years. In some ways, it confirms what I've been thinking for a long time now. Unless JM and JK personally shut down any rumors about them and deny any romantic connection or confirm a relationship with someone else , I still believe that at some point in their lived their relationship crossed the platonic line.

Whether that was in the past or is currently true, I only can guess, but to me there's no way these two were always, all these years, just only friends.

For now, I will observe how JK, JM and Hybe are acting after the leaked videos and go from there. It will also be indicative.

Peace.

[thequietkid-moonie]

May I request yu ishigami having a crush hc, from love is war. Have a great day!

Yu Ishigami with a crush

[ HEADCANONS ] [ Kaguya-sama Love is war / Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai ]

Waaaahhh!!! Thank you thank you thank youuuuuuu!!!! I loooove the prompts where reader is the character's crush and I LOVE Ishigami, so this is perfect (it may be obvious for long it end being the fic 🤭)

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did while writing it!

It isn't easy to approach to Ishigami since he is reserved and rather introvert, specially after being suspended but it isn't imposible so if you insist enough you can start by being friends with him (even if he was interested on you he isn't the type to go and talk to you, but he may try if it is after getting in the cheerishleaders club since he wants to change)

Ishigami isn't the type to fall in love at first sight, is more of a slow process for him, first of all both of you have to be friends and he will slowly open up to you (as long as you aren't too prideful or annoying for his liking it won't be so dificult) and show you his true self, you can tell that he considers you a friend once he can talk to you about his thoughts (even if they are silly or even is just him complaining about something) or start joking around with you

It take a while but once Ishigami start to develop a crush on you he will know almost imediatly, however he doesn't want to accept his feelings right away, he just don't want to be in love with his friend or make a mess like the last time (even when he knows you probably won't be so idiotic as the last girl he liked), it would take him a while but at the end he will finally accept his feelings for you (and will take him a while more to make peace with it and don't call himself an idiot for falling in love)

However, even before he accept his own feelings Ishigami is rather subtle with them, yes, he want to be loved and to experience what it is to be in a relasionship but he isn't desperate for it, little hints like paying a little more attention to you, trying to spend more time with you or even try to be more kind with his words (because he sometimes say some things with good intentions but sounds bad) can go unnoticed and even if his closest friends notice it they may don't thought much of it at first

For his friends to notice it, it will take a while, after a long time of noticing that he is slightly more interested on you or that he actively wants to spend more time with you or be closer to you is when the realization hits them and suddently that become the biggest gossip of the student council and all of them want to help him with this, they will probably try to help you two to get together discreetly, but they fail since their plans of letting you two alone are pretty obvious and at the end you two will end up talking like always (nothing romantic, just friends talking, at least from his part, if you try to do something like flirting he will nervously try to follow you on it)

Since he doesn't advance on those oportunities they will try to be more direct with setting the two of you together, with silly games or even commenting how you two look good together or how great of a couple you two could be (for what Ishigami will be embarrased but also hopeful, may even ask if they say it for real if they tell him when being alone and you can't heard)

At some point Ishigami will grow tired and annoyed about their friends' help and will confront them about it, he will strictly tell them to don't do it more, he will admit his feelings for you to them if they insist (mainly in hopes that they stop being so annoying, what probably won't happen) but makes clear that he doesn't need their help

Ishigami does like you but will never dare to force his feelings on you, besides if is a simple crush he doesn't want to risk losing your friendship, he will try to win your heart only when he is fully sure that what he feels is love and not just a simple crush that could vanish any time, and when he does start to try and win your heart is more noticible (still he tries to don't be pushy or anything)

It becomes more obvious how Ishigami tries to be physicaly closer to you, the glances he send you from time to time (but always try to don't be catch or act as if he wasn't looking at you but something else), it becomes more obvious how much attention he put you by little thing like he wanting to carry your things if you are tired or by bring you some of your favorites snacks or drinks from time to time, how he actively text you more outside of the school, most of the time he even send goodnights texts and always greet you in the mornings (he will never admit it but most of the time he search for you with his eyes in the crowd or wait for you near the front door of the school)

However he never stop treating you as his friend, he does joke with you and calls you by friendly names (sometimes call you idiot in a friendly way but he voice is so soft most of the time that is obvious that he didn't mean it) and he still does rant about whatever make him mad, he isn't blinded for his love at all but he still wants to express how much he appreciate you in subtle ways

Again, he will never dare to force his feelings on you so if you don't feel the same or even like someone else he will understand, Ishigami will respect your feelings and cheerish for your happiness but will step back and won't be as close as he was with you, it isn't like he will vanish, he will just distance a little but still be your friend (he may be grumpy for a while but after some time he will make peace with it)

[eldritch-spouse]

(I'm not sure if my last ask went through or if Tumblr really goofed like it said it did so just in case...)

This post...!

https://www.tumblr.com/eldritch-spouse/718874950601179136/is-it-possible-for-us-as-admin-to-be-romantically?

I love this. I want to know more about their dynamic and how things change but I'm not sure what to ask exactly. Is the harem recognized officially or is it still a toeing the line type situation because Krulu doesn't like to share? Are they all dads to the kids now? How do their wishes change? I'm not sure what else, random trivia? Sickly monster harem is right up my alley 🥺

[Okay, I'll try to make this coherent. There's a lot of complexity to this dynamic I can't shove in one ask though.]

Is it official?

It's sort of an unspoken truth. Everyone knows they're part of a harem but it isn't said out loud. Every worker agrees they're entirely devoted to you and will do anything to be in your favor, even if it means sharing you between themselves tightly.

Krulu himself recognizes exactly what's happening here, and it's entirely to his advantage, as this sickly infatuation not only ensures maximum productivity, it inspires great loyalty and susceptibility to manipulation in his workers. You're allowed to bed them, especially if you do so to pleasure him, but he will always hold more value to you than everyone else. There are instances in which you are shared between Krulu and one of the staff, and he makes it very clear he dominates your mind and affection.

Are they all dads?

No.

Krulu and Belo are the only ones that get the title of fathers. But that doesn't mean the other ones can't act as unofficial parental figures. In fact, all of them would delight in it.

They're obsessed with you, Adrul and Adelo are extensions of you, most of them would adore to play a big part in the younglings' lives. All of them would probably shed a tear if either of the kids called them "dad".

Santi obviously suffers a lot more than others. In this context, his wish is to be able to stand kids so he can be a parental figure to Adrul and Adelo with you.

How do wishes change?

Not all of them change. Some like Vinnel's and Grimbly's remain static.

Right now, I can only think of the slight change in motivation regarding Santi. Forgive me, if something else occurs, I'll add it here.

Trivia

There's a likely chance Ludwig would eventually get sucked into this mess. He wants happiness so bad, and seeing the way the staff gets to be so close to you, so happy- Even if he knows this is beyond fucked up, he'll give in to his desperation and jealousy;

Orgy nights are common and encouraged by Krulu, as a way to keep the bond between you all tightened through depravity and affections;

Strictly dominant monsters, such as Nebul and Morell, can and will adopt submissive demeanors without much pressure. They recognize you as superior, and find themselves very honored when you choose to sexually submit to them;

Religious fanaticism, which is already somewhat present in all of their minds, is cranked up to eleven in this scenario. They not only deify you, they're a lot more reverent of Krulu for gifting you to them;

Mother is very proud of you. You are the most successful of her shards, in fact, she sees a lot of herself in you. You are endlessly captivating, and you've surrounded yourself with endless love. You're desired, worshiped and a maternal figure. She treasures you;

Although this dynamic is centered around the core staff members, garden anomalies and the aquarium mers are eventually dragged into your orbit as well. The staff will voyeuristically enjoy watching you get ravaged in the garden by the gargoyle, Hellion and Colmei- Or balk when both you and Krulu take Magus and Glauk for a spin;

Adrul and Adelo will find monogamous relationships to be odd as they grow up. It floors them when they realize that's how the majority of relationships work.

[ddwcaph-game]

what are the crush options' type romance-wise (like appearance and personality)? and will we get to choose mc and twin's type as well?

Hey there, thanks for sending this in!

I was originally going to reply with how I calculate MC's chemistry score with each crush option, but it was getting too long/complicated, so for now I wrote a condensed summary. I'll share that post instead once I'm finished with the update.

I want to make it clear that it's NOT necessary for MC to meet the crush options' preferences, whether it's gender, appearance, or personality. The game will have at least 6 volumes, so there's plenty of time to build up your chemistry score with each of them even if you have the opposite of their preferred traits or started with a low relationship.

If you ask him, Wayne would make up a poem about "How there's something beautiful about every girl", but if he had to choose, he prefers tall girls with very long and colorful wavy/curly hair. Wayne wouldn't go after boys, but he wouldn't reject them either. He'd return the favor if a boy told him he's cute or handsome.

But really, he just wants someone who's funny, likes spending time with him on his many hobbies (singing/dancing/baking/drawing/taking care of birds), and willing to go on fun adventures (or dates) with him around the world.

Wayne's preferred personality stats in-game are Silly and Headstrong, and his favorite genres are High Fantasy and Adventure (plus Fairytales, courtesy of Roselyna). It also helps if MC is romantic (or have halfling/dwarf/draconic/amphibious fae ancestry), but if there's one thing he dislikes, it's someone who gets jealous easily. Before getting together with MC, he'd ask them if it's okay if he can still tease or play-flirt with others (he wouldn't mind if MC does so as well), but of course he'd still try to respect MC's wishes if not.

It's probably not a surprise, but Roselyna's ideal crush is someone who's sweet and romantic, loves cuddling, and enjoys food (especially sweets) as much as her. Her dream job is to be a teacher, so she also admires someone who knows a lot of things. Oh, and just like Wayne, bonus points if they also like dancing, music, and animals. She also prefers boys, but her first crush is a girl, so gender isn't really a big deal for her.

Rosie's preferred personality stats in-game are Emotional and Altruist, while her favorite genre is Fairytales (and High Fantasy by extension). Appearance-wise she prefers someone tall and chubby (and maybe someone with halfling/fae ancestry or nephilim/werewolf/vampire heritage), but it's not a big deal for her either way (unless they have cambion/unseelie fae heritage). The only other dealbreaker for her (more than not liking hugs and being stoic) is someone who dislikes playing with little kids and not interested in having a family in the future.

Lily isn't really interested in crushes, but hypothetically… she'd want someone honest (unlike herself who likes keeping secrets), independent, and not childish or clingy. She's not a big fan of cuddling (or romantic acts in general), so acts of service as a love language speaks a lot to her. She prefers girls more, but on some level, she also understands why someone would like boys like Wayne. Other than that, she has no big preferences when it comes to appearance.

Besides having an interest in sci-fi and mystery, she'd also vibe well with someone competitive—and not strictly in academic terms. Unlike Rosie though, she has little to no interest in having a family, although she could be persuaded.

JM also isn't interested in crushes, but that's mostly because he's too focused in his studies. But if he is, he admits that he'd like boys like Wayne—minus his silliness, stubbornness, and troublemaking tendencies. That's the one thing he dislikes the most. As with Lily, he also doesn't have any big preferences appearance-wise, though he wouldn't mind if a girl liked him either.

JM's preferred personality stats in-game are Disciplined and Sensible, and his favorite genres are Mythology and Supernatural, so he'd like someone who shares his fascination with the creepy and the supernatural (and thus MCs with divine/supernatural/unseelie fae heritage), especially if he can be competitive with them… but maybe not too much. JM's love language is words of affirmation, so nothing motivates and cheers him up more than a compliment, reassurance, or praise telling him a job well done. You know, things he never heard from his father.

Unlike the other members of F6E, Brandon/Beatrice doesn't really have any gender preferences when it comes to crushes. They also don't have any big preferences regarding appearance, but that might change as the story develops. It does help if MC is the creative and competitive sort, especially if they're also great at swimming and loves giving gifts.

Brandon/Beatrice's preferred personality stats in-game are Honest, Emotional, and Silly, while their favorite genre is Superheroes. But the most important part? You need to accept B's sidequest no matter what, or else they will never have a mutual crush on MC. B would also have considerably more interest in MC if they don't have a bestfriend, but if they do, they'd prefer if it was Roselyna or Wayne instead of JM or Lily.

When it comes to crushes, Cordelia prefers girls (and non-binary individuals) much more than boys. And ideally, a bit chubby and much taller than her with long braided hair—the beauty standards in her culture. Speaking of, she'd be slightly more interested if MC has dwarven or halfling ancestry, or at the very least, has elven/gnomish/goblin/draconic/woodland fae ancestry.

Cordelia's preferred personality stats in-game are Warm and Altruist, and her favorite genre is Adventure (as well as High Fantasy, considering her origin). Given her work, she'd also like someone who shares her interest in animals, cooking, healing/helping people, gift-giving, and especially music. Music is a big part of her culture, so look away if you pick the Musical Averse Trait!

Cham struggles with the concept of crushes, but it'd be a lot easier explaining it to her if you are romantic, and bestfriends or mutual crushes with Wayne. That said, they don't have any preferences gender or appearance-wise, although she'd find it interesting if MC is also genderfluid, have nephilim heritage, or short like Wayne.

She loves hugs (although it's more tackle hugs than cuddling), but when it comes to love languages, she's much more receptive to words of affirmation (receiving) and quality time (giving). They also struggle a bit with other human concepts, so they'd feel less awkward if MC has the Needs Improvement Trait.

Cham's favorite genre is Adventure (and Mythology given her origin), and their preferred personality stats in-game are Silly and Altruist—not Discipline though. She's a troublemaker at heart, and although they have a pet hellhound, that doesn't mean she doesn't retain her aversion to imps and demons (or Cambion/Unseelie Fae MCs) since that got part of her wings torn off.

***

As for the other two crush options… you'll just have to wait for now! But for MC and Twin's types...

I'm not planning on a choice like that for MC as you can just choose whoever they are interested in, but if you confess to your twin about your crush(es), you will get the choice of what you like about them the most. And in the next update, you will also get the choice of what you think about their appearance after accepting their crush sidequest.

As for MC's Twin, I've already mentioned in the FAQ that if they do have a crush, it will most likely just be a minor character as that's not something I want to explore (I'd rather leave that to headcanon). But now that I think about it, I might give the MC the choice to tease their twin about what their type is, which the Twin will jokingly deny (of course, MC's Twin having no interest in crushes is always an option).

[mlobsters]

saw a post yesterday (3 months ago now) that was like finale reactions from not-wincest shippers saying wincest won - but wincest shippers said it wasn't even wincest. which brings me around to my pondering how there's this divide of the ship into wincest / weirdcest / gencest which I'm still not totally sure the difference between the last two. but like, if I'm talking about wincest, I'm not talking about them with fucking required? it's just the dudes in a not-strictly-familial-platonic relationship. which to me, canonically, even in the most literal reading they've got a queerplatonic situation, so that qualifies

i think what i'm boggling over is that (sometimes?) the ship isn't the ship (the key is the key, man) it's like, ship+what they're doing with their dicks.

which led me to reading fanlore's gen and slash and smarm etc articles -> looked for a gencest article, reading the gen sam & dean one and the sam/dean one which is understandably packed with the related shipwar-ish stuff and i'm reminded i just. shouldn't read what anyone has to say about ships and this show. I feel like I'm rarely on the same page as anyone else, which is impressive in a fandom this large. i still don't really understand how the lines between them get drawn. but after all that i read, it sounds like people aren't really in agreement out there on the internet either.

so, this has been in my drafts since december and another post/reply got me to open it back up, someone saying if you want to tag the non-sexual situation it's gencest or weirdcest, not wincest. but I think now my personal understanding/interpretation is that those are just a subset of wincest, not standalone. I think another component of why it gets under my skin too is the inherent devaluation of queerplatonic relationships. a definition borne of the aromatic and asexual communities

and who's to say it isn't romantic? if the lines and beats are romantic, does it stop being so because they're brothers? would we have the same splitting up of the ship if they weren't related? (can guess what my answer would be)

ANYWAY. this was supposed to be how one ship has been split in a way I haven't seen before and find really weird. I can see how say, on tumblr, it's nice to have a tag that's just the qpr relationship, but not to the exclusion of the main ship.

I thought on AO3 it would be more clear cut, but of the 282 tagged with "Gencest | Emotionally Incestuous but Non-Sexual Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester" only 118 are tagged with Dean/Sam. and in the 79 works tagged "Weirdcest | Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester Appear Incestuous to Others Due to Lack of Boundaries", 40 are Dean/Sam.

and while I like the expansion of the tag name to include a definition, what even is emotionally incestuous :p and if there's incest in your definition, how does that not fall under the ship rubric

but being that there's 34,387 works tagged with Dean/Sam, and while there's more things tagged with gencest pre-2020, the majority is 2019+. and weirdcest is nearly exclusively 2021+. so, large consumer of fic that I am, I am sure things that would fall under those labels weren't tagged as such in the main tag.

going back to fanlore, the article about qprs:

Queerplatonic relationship tags are canonized in freeform tags on AO3, but uses in relationship tags are synned to the / tag.[4]

and the reference is:

Cisco Ramon/Caitlin Snow (Queerplatonic) has been made a synonym of Cisco Ramon/Caitlin Snow. Works and bookmarks tagged with Cisco Ramon/Caitlin Snow (Queerplatonic) will show up in Cisco Ramon/Caitlin Snow's filter.

which honestly made me laugh. that's a very specific situation!

but I think a lot of this, for me, circles back to what is a ship even, and why doesn't love for each other above all else+life partners qualify

and yet, look at me the hypocrite, because I tag stuff with "sam and dean" that are the canonical qpr things, but I wouldn't tag wincest because I know a lot of people would have it filtered. whereas anything remotely shippy in xfiles canon, I tag with msr. *facepalm*

and the advice/explanation I've received about tagging other people's posts, canon gifs, what have you; as wincest - that you might be putting their personal squick right in their notifications. so, don't do that! and I've internalized those rules.

and I guess there's plenty of people that watch the show and think they're just regular brothers ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

spn fandom is a minefield even with my skirting at the edges of it.

I don't know what anything means anymore

[a-libra-writes]

Hello hello! I’ve read your Mordecai posts and THEY’RE SO GOOD!!! I was really wondering if you could please write for Sedgewick! I’ve taken an interest in him since I’ve started reading the Lackadaisy comics more. Maybe the reader is like his secretary or an assistant? Sorry if that’s not much information you can go off of but I really like what you’ve come up with so you can do what you want with it! Anyway, take care and thank you!!!

🏔🪨 been thinking abt Wick ..... had some ideas with this one..... lots of masc+femme options plus overall GN ones. Note this is romantic HCs!

So, how you work alongside Wick depends on your gender due to the times. For a lady, you're an additional secretary who specializes in finance or social engagements. For a lad, you're a consultant in his company for anything from finance to local geology. He took a liking to you right away, both for your personality and looks (though the latter he keeps to himself). If you'd rather not be a subordinate, you can still be a third party consultant or planner of some kind.

You start to realize how much he overworks himself, and perhaps you're just as bad! Before long you're keeping long hours with him in the office, or having to stop by his manor to catch up with some big project. On one hand, he hates keeping you so much, on the other, well. It is nice to have you around so often, and you really help him out when he's frazzled.

It flusters him more and more when you lean over his desk to point something out, or bend over across the room to pick something up. He feels pretty awful about that last one; once Lacy caught him and snapped her fingers loudly in front of him to get his attention.

Because you two work so much together, you get plenty of opportunities to talk - especially when he wants to avoid certain paperwork. He loves listening to you rant about this client, just as he loves going off on his own tangent about that investor. You both start to give nicknames to the difficult ones. Then he listens to you talk about your plans when you're off work, what your family is like, your interests. He could just listen to you talk all day ... many times Lacy has come in to drop off paperwork and you two are still talking, and her boss looks totally starry-eyed.

(I mean he often looks at you like you hang the moon, sooo...)

Wick really wants to invite you out, like. Badly. He hates being cooped up with work, he prefers socializing face to face out in the world. But ... is that appropriate? If you're femme and work for him, this especially bothers him. He ought to make it clear it's strictly platonic, but, uh. It isn't. If you're masc, it's easier to invite you to a simple outing, but ... there's the whole definiately-not-platonic feelings --

(Yeah, a cute guy brings up a loooot of feelings Wick's repressed since boarding school. Oops.)

He settles for lunches because those seem the most innocuous. You start to wonder what his thing about afternoon sandwiches and coffee is all about, considering he keeps forgetting to eat while working (and don't worry, you always bring something back for Lacy!)

When he dozes off at his desk, you like to put a coat or blanket over him ... or just gently nudge him awake and tell him to go home. Wick really prefers to drop you off if it's late, not wanting you to walk or take public transportation at such a late hour also he can show off his car a bit.

When he passes out on the desk, you'll put a blanket or his coat over him. A few times he's been half awake, and it both startles and embarrasses him. If he could, he'd blush to his ears. Wick would really prefer you didn't see that "sloppy" side of him, but come on. It's unavoidable, and he's probably done the same when you've fallen asleep in your own office chair (except he likes putting his own coat over you).

At least once or twice a month, you have to accompany him to work events and gatherings. It's important to schmooze and make connections and all that; if it's not your kind of scene, at least you get a reason to dress up and eat absurdly expensive food. You better believe Wick is looking r e s p e c t f u l l y, even if it's the dozenth event you've attended together. He likes picking you up at your place, as if this is a date and not a charity auction.

... Though, you're often mistaken for his date if you're femme. And if you're masc, sometimes he has to borrow cufflinks or gloves ... yes, he's a little more than giddy to wear your things.

Normally he's a social butterfly, but Wick finds himself frustrated when he's mid conversation with you and he has to stop to visit with some group of investors or fellow businessmen. You excuse yourself, but his eyes still follow you across the room.

While he often compliments you when it comes to him, sometimes Wick worries about it being too much. What if you take it the wrong way? How much is appropriate? While in this era a boss could get away with chasing after his subordinate all he wants, Wick shudders at the idea of you thinking of him that way. And if you're a man, he certainly worries you might think ... well, sometimes he's sure you reciprocate, but he can't just ask, so ...

It's all a jumble that falters the normally relaxed man's confidence. He tells himself he'd be content if you just wanted to be friends. He certainly wants to be friends, at least - he wants you to like him, not merely tolerate him because you're a subordinate or colleague.

On that note, you get lovely presents and generous bonuses at the appropriate times of the year. The birthday and Christmas presents are especially thoughtful and expensive - but of course, Wick doesn't think of the cost. He's totally comfortable presenting Lacy with her gift, but suddenly gets nervous about your's. Yes, he's that obvious ... You'll get flowers or expensive whiskey after closing deals, or maybe just because. Trying to convince him gifts are unnecessary is a losing battle, because as far as Wick's concerned, it's one of the safer ways to show his affection. Though, if it's the cost you're worried about, he'll bug Lacy about what's a good ""normal"" gift (because no, Wick, a $30 floral arrangement 'just because' is not normal! Nor is a $50 lunch!)

If you're femme, Lacy is losing her patience and just tells him to ask you out already. She'll bring it up with you, too - hell, she'll lock you both in a room together because all this doe-eyed mooning and pining is driving her logical brain nuts.

If you're masc, it's a little more tricky. Lacy starts to pick up on the odd vibe between you two, and how Wick seems almost ... mopey when you're away or getting friendly with some other man. She has suspicions, but she can't ask directly. So she makes sure to rearrange appointments so you two have more time together, to make sure you're seated together during dinners and events, and calls you for help, only to suddenly remember something and leave you two alone.

Generally Wick is frequently worrying about his feelings being reciprocated, though with a lady he'd be more open about it and trying to gauge if you're comfortable. Again, he'd really want to remain friends because he admires your expertise, interests and personality ☆

[skania]

What’s ur opinion on aqua and kanas relationship? I genuinely feels like they are going to platonic route and kana will soon get over her little crush on aqua and be genuinely good friends until the end. I have never gotten romantic feelings vibes from aqua when he’s with her.. yeah kana has lots of romantic moments and panels with him but it feels one sided and innocent compared with aquas relationship with Akane? Idk but I’m curious to what you think

I feel like this is the question. Where exactly does Aka intend to take their relationship?

Because, on one hand, I feel like the manga is written in such a way that it wants you to think it is romantic. It uses the subtlety of a hammer, the most low-hanging fruit possible (like characters continuously commenting on Aqua's feelings for Kana even when they spend dozens of chapters without interacting), in order to get the reader to assume Aqua has romantic feelings for Kana.

And it's even easier because after reading a few manga/watching a few anime, you come to recognize that when a girl is essentially said to be the light to a boy's darkness, it's safe to expect romance from that trope.

But the thing is, this all kind of falls apart when you take a closer look at the manga, because why are all the big scenes with Aqua going to Akane? Why have Akane and Aqua received so much development while Aqua and Kana have barely developed beyond Chapter 40?

So either Aka is going the route where the intended love interest is left on the sidelines, doing nothing of value until the end is near, and ends up with the main character simply because that's the character's entire purpose.

Or we're not supposed to take their relationship at face value. Considering how good Kana's character is, I feel like this option is the better deal out of the two.

This leads me directly to your question, because I do think that Aqua's feelings actually being platonic is the most interesting route and the one that gives more depth to the story. After all, it would also resolve the hanging question of: What exactly did Aqua feel for Ai? Because it seems pretty clear to me that Kana is his Oshi in very much the same way Ai was.

Pretty much everything Aqua is said to like about Ai, you can apply to Kana.

How cute she is? Check.

Her adorable ego? Check.

How tough she is? Check.

Her frank personality? Check.

Standing out? Check.

And of course, the way she shines? Check.

They're both even compared to the sun!

Even when Aqua describes Ai as his ideal girl, you can apply everything he says to Kana. So his feelings for Kana are intrinsically tied to whatever it is that he feels for Ai. Needless to say, Aqua's feelings for Ai falling firmly in platonic territory would be the best outcome for more reasons than one lol

Even then, maybe Aka wants to show both feelings being very similar but different all at once? Like having a "romantic" Oshi and a "platonic" one?

Could be, but according to this interview, Aka seems to see "Oshi" in a strictly platonic sense. He says that "Oshi" is a mentality where the fan does not want to have romantic feelings or ulterior motives towards the one they support, and that they just want to genuinely support and root for the person.

This isn't the first time he explores that concept either, he did the same thing in Kaguya-Sama and even used the exact same word to describe the girls' romantically-coded yet very much platonic feelings for the boy: Oshi [推し]

This is how he explained it:

With this mind, it's interesting to look back at the Love Now arc and at the First Concert arc, because there seems to be a clear contrast between the two.

Aside from this moment in Chapter 1, the nature of Goro's/Aqua's feelings for Ai was never questioned. At the contrary, he was deeply troubled by how inappropriate it would be for him to see her naked, etc., thus supporting that the "emotions driving his fandom" were indeed as pure as he claimed them to be.

When Love Now happens though, we see Aqua questioning what Ai was to him, and also referring to her as his first love only to admit that he doesn't actually know if it was romantic love at all.

So in Love Now, the focus was on romantic love, and Aqua only starts to seriously give this some thought after Akane starts playing her "Ai" character.

He concludes that his feelings for Akane aren't the same he harbored for Ai, and this in turn allows him to make a very clear difference between Ai and Akane in his mind, so that everything he feels for her from there on out doesn't have Ai's lager than life shadow hanging over it. This is why he is shown giving his feelings for Akane so much thought afer he thinks his revenge is over: because he doesn't have anything to compare them to.

Meanwhile in the First Concert arc, despite the romance, the focus is actually on being a fan (thanks to @miko-ishi for bringing this up to me).

It's not a coincidence that while the climax of Love Now involves Aqua kissing Akane, the climax of the First Concert literally involves Kana saying she'll be Aqua's "Oshi".

That arc also showed that while Ai performed because she wanted somebody to love, Kana performs because she wants to be loved. This is why she only shines when Aqua acts as her motivation, because unbeknownst to her, he has become the fan she has always been looking for. Someone who looks at the actual her, someone she can give it her all on stage for.

Romance doesn't need to be involved there, and I think this would explain the reason why Aqua's relationship with Kana has hardly developed since then. I think Aqua's feelings for Ai are very ambiguous to him, to the point he may even misinterpret them; and if he has misinterpreted his feelings for Ai, it is very likely he has done the same regarding his feelings for Kana for all the reasons mentioned above.

The series hasn't reached the point where it can truly have an introspection about what Oshi means to the narrative, and I feel it's only then that it'll finally address the true nature of Aqua's feelings for Ai and thus of his feelings for Kana.

All this to say, it could go either way. Either we're supposed to take it at face value, or we're supposed to ask ourselves questions. In either case, I personally would love for them to go the platonic route, because I feel this is the route that provides a deeper reading of the manga and its themes lol

[markantonys]

I am so curious how RandAvi relationship is gonna develop in the show and what their dynamic will be like. I imagine it to be at least a bit different considering they're both in different places at the end of season 2 (both literally and potentially emotionally).

yeah i can't wait to see what the vibes are like!!!!! finally getting to see avirand (& finally getting a true sense of the show's polycule adaptational direction in general) is my third most anticipated thing for season 3 (first most anticipated is gawyn and second most anticipated is cauthor cpr djkfgjh)

there are a couple significant book avirand elements that i'm skeptical will make the show: 1) rand is already involved with elayne and aviendha feels guilty about liking her friend's man, 2) aviendha saw in the silver rings that she is fated to love rand. but i believe the overall vibes of the relationship could still be preserved without those!

as i was talking about the other day, i think #1 is almost certainly out seeing as timeline-wise it just doesn't work to make randlayne happen before avirand in the show. and i will be thrilled to see this element removed! i adore avirand both as a ship and as individuals, but this element was Not a good look for them (rand & elayne's official relationship status is neither here nor there - the fact that avi KNOWS elayne has current feelings for rand and will be hurt by avi sleeping with him is the issue (which avi herself rightfully acknowledges & feels incredibly guilty about & works to make amends with elayne), and as for rand, i suppose elayne's plot device conflicting letters give him plausible deniability, but, well, if you really have to get into the weeds of proving why something isn't TECHNICALLY cheating, then you're already on shaky ground haha). and ESPECIALLY in a poly situation i think it would be a very very good move for the show to stay away from anything like "rand hooks up with a new woman because he thinks of himself as single even though his previous woman still considers herself attached to him in some way, unbeknownst to him" because as we know, "it's just cheating" is the biggest negative stereotype against polyamory, so the show would do well to steer as clear from that as possible imo, and i have faith it will do so since i doubt it will share RJ's strange insistence on getting rand into a polycule without him having any idea he's getting into a polycule until the last possible second lmao and will instead let rand participate in the poly negotiations directly. with luck, we will avoid most instances of Forced Miscommunication where WOT romances are concerned! (but believable miscommunication would be a-okay with me.)

so let's say all of the elayne-related conflicts for avirand are out. what might replace them? the obvious thing is that aviendha instead feels conflicted for egwene's sake, since she's aviendha's friend as well and also has involvement with rand. this would be a very similar vibe as the elayne-related conflicts, but would work better and not stray so much into questionable territory because egwene's relationship with rand is fully in the past and both parties are in agreement on that, and because egwene is there with avirand in person and can give them her blessing right off the bat.

so that's one possibility. but at the end of the day, the core of avirand is simply "they clash at first and resist their feelings for each other, but eventually give in" and there's any number of things baked into the story that could accomplish this same vibe - it doesn't strictly need to be related to aviendha feeling conflict over rand's relationships with others. some other possibilities include but are not limited to: culture clashes, personality clashes, rand is resistant to get close to a new person romantically after lanfear (for his own sake bc it gave him trust issues and/or for the other person's sake bc he's afraid it'd make lanfear target them), aviendha's going through a major unwanted life change in her transition from maiden to wise one and has gotten the other life change of falling in love tangled up with that in her mind, aviendha has complicated feelings towards the car'a'carn and/or resents rand for being the prophesied destroyer of her people's way of life, etc etc etc.

there's a TON of juicy stuff to choose from, so i would imagine we do still get some degree of an enemies-to-lovers, push-and-pull tension between show!avirand! it's a really fun vibe, and the show can easily capture it, even if it needs to change some of the specifics (and that would be in keeping with the show's general approach of "different details, same vibe"). however, there's always a chance they might go for a different vibe! one thing i found noteworthy is that aviendha seemed much more easygoing and lighthearted in s2 than she is in TSR-TFOH, so maybe the vibes of the relationship will be adjusted accordingly. on the other hand, in s2 we see aviendha as a maiden, we see her at peak self-confidence and we see her interacting largely with someone she's decided she likes (perrin), so naturally she's in a good mood! in s3 when she learns she has to become a wise one, her self-confidence will be shaken and she'll be feeling pretty adrift and unhappy, and on top of that if she and rand get off on the wrong foot and she decides she doesn't like him, then we might see Grumpy Aviendha emerge more strongly, which would bring us back to our book vibes of avirand bickering and needling each other. (which would be really fun to see in the show bc it's such a different vibe than the High School Sweethearts & FWB-To-Lovers we've seen with rand's show romances so far. and the show's emphasized how rand has a soft gooey core but can get very stubborn and lash out when pushed, so i think he would vibe really well in an Irritants-To-Lovers arc!)

okay finally making my way back to potentially-cut-element #2, the silver rings. the only real reason that's needed in the books is so that RJ could force aviendha to Give In and sleep with someone she considers her friend's boyfriend. but if her obstacles towards giving into her feelings for rand are more just "he's annoying" than "it would majorly violate my personal code of honor", then she doesn't need to be given a Huge Inevitable Reason about why she must sleep with him, and thus there's no real reason to include Fated Romance angle imo (especially since avirand has a ton going on even without it, and we already will have 2 Fated Romances in rand/min & mat/tuon where the Fated Romance portion is actually a key element - so for avirand where it is not a key element, the show may as well cut it out so as not to overdo Fated Romances since we know how much RJ loved that trope). not to say that aviendha won't still go to rhuidean or that the silver rings would be cut, of course! just that the specific element of her learning she's fated to love rand may not feature (or it may! there's also no huge reason why it SHOULD be cut, besides just cutting down on the number of Fated Romances IF they even decide they want to cut down on that. maybe they won't want to!)