#//wow this got insanely long and it's not even good lmao i'm so sorry

[honorhearted]

@socialseasons​ | continued from (x)

John was dead. No matter how many times Ben read and re-read Gregory’s frantic, pleading words, he couldn’t quite wrap his head around them -- couldn’t fathom why the boy believed Francesca needed his help. The malaise was too strong, he’d claimed. She would write home with pleasantries, but refused their mother’s fervent plea to come home and rest. 

But what could he do, Ben wondered? After his departure, he’d promptly cut off all ties with Francesca. Her letters arrived for many months, and despite his yearnings to correspond and keep himself abreast of her life, he’d selfishly discarded them into the fire, not even giving in to the temptation of opening them and reading what laid inside. A little over a year later, the letters finally stopped, and despite the undeniable hole in his heart from the loss of her friendship, he’d deemed their separation for the best. She had a husband now. She would soon have a family...

And now Francesca had nothing. She had no one in that big, empty manor, and despite Ben’s distance and lack of connection to her plight, he couldn’t help but feel responsible. He should’ve been there. He should have never let her face all this alone.

It was this guilt that fueled him into accepting Gregory’s secret invitation. Weeks onboard a cramped ship gave way to a stormy, unpleasant arrival with a chilling sense of foreboding. The wind whipped pellets of rain into his face, and waterlogged his clothes within moments of being on land. It was fitting, Ben thought. He was surely being tested for intervening where he was not welcome -- he was surely being punished with this tragedy of his own making.

By the time Ben pounded on the double doors to Francesca’s manor -- or rather, her husband’s -- it was late afternoon and he was shaking from the chill. Impatient, he shifted between using the door knocker and his fist, banging on the thick oak surface until it opened and revealed a servant with a cautious, disapproving scowl.

“Lady Francesca,” Ben choked out, abruptly lowering his fist. “Please...I need to speak with her.”

He knew he must appear bedraggled and untrustworthy at best, and his suspicions were confirmed once the woman denied him entry. 

“I’m sorry, but her ladyship is not currently admitting any guests,” she said.

She moved to close the doors, but Ben was quick to lodge his foot in between the wooden slabs. “Please,” he begged, “I’ve come out all this way...”

“And I’m sure she’d appreciate that,” the woman coolly said, “but I’m afraid you-”

“I was sent for!” Ben furiously cut in. “Please, you must let me through!” When the woman yet again moved to shut the doors, he used all his body weight to barrel in across the threshold, the servant’s shrill cry rising above the din as Ben breathlessly shouted, “Frannie! Fran, it’s me... Please. You must come down here!”

“Sir, please!” the woman growled. “If you don’t leave right this instant, I will have you thrown out by force!”

The commotion finally seemed to rouse someone’s attention. A woman appeared at the top of the staircase, and both Ben and the servant stopped in their tracks, the former feeling as though an awl had punctured him right between the ribs. It was her... It couldn’t be, and yet it was. The weight of womanhood carved itself across Francesca’s features, soft and refined, yet grief had mellowed out some of the brightness in her smile and the sparkle in her eyes. She was no longer sweet and carefree -- she was no longer a child, naïve and at fate’s mercy.

Finally, something seemed to register in Francesca’s face, and then she came rushing down the steps to meet him, her arms flinging around his neck and holding on tight. Forgotten was their small audience, and Ben stooped to properly embrace her, a lump in his throat as he passed his fingers through her hair and closed his eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he choked out. Please forgive me. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

Words failed him in that moment -- after all, what could he say to a friend he’d so heinously abandoned? -- and pressing a kiss to her temple, he finally settled on asking what happened. Francesca went rigid against him, and her silence tore his heartstrings akin to knives as she lowered down to her proper height, her eyes scanning his face with clear confusion.

“Your husband,” Ben weakly explained. “Frannie, I didn’t know... Why didn’t you tell me?” 

You know exactly why. 

Pressing his lips inward, shame bled across his features and he swallowed, suddenly unable to return her gaze. “I...I don’t know what to say,” he finally admitted. It was true. He didn’t know what to say, and as tears filled his eyes, he was suddenly grateful to the rainwater masking his emotional turmoil. It was her -- it was really, truly her -- and somehow, it hurt nearly as much to have Francesca there with him as it did to be apart. Her hands were clasped in his own, and yet the weight of them didn’t feel real...couldn’t be real.

And then just like that, she pulled away from him. It was as though a curtain had been drawn, promptly closing off the warmth in her face as she reverted back to something colder, proper and guarded. Don’t hide from me, he wanted to plead, and yet he knew the sentiment was laughable. Had that not been what he, himself had done over the past four years? He’d once told Francesca she taught him not to run from his problems -- that he needed to face them -- and yet Ben was still running, even now.

While Francesca fussed over his wet clothes, he finally felt the chill in the significantly warmer foyer and shivered, guilt ribboning through him upon her question.

“I didn’t wish to be presumptuous,” he said, “so I do have an inn I can return to, should you prefer it. Caleb helped me with my last minute travels, so he’s presently staying there.” Wiping the rainwater from his face, Ben offered a feeble smile and quipped, “You know, all those years ago during your debut, you had quite the stunning entrance. I suppose I was well overdue.” In more ways than one.

Once Mary had left to prepare his room, Ben reached down and took hold of Francesca’s hand, his heart in his throat as he gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’ll stay,” he finally agreed. “For as long as you need me.”

[imaginespazzi]

Hey bestie, me again 🙋‍♀️

I was just re-reading don't be a stranger because ofc, why wouldn't i be? And I just wanted to let you know that these lines specifically kinda broke my heart:

“you’re my best friend. You’re always gonna be my best friend. Ride or die right?”

“I’m really happy you’re happy P.”

“Always have fun with you P” “more than anyone”

“I think these last few weeks of summer might have been the best of my life”

Because wow she loves P so much, and makes me think about her freshman year and all the times her heart would maybe have raced just a little bit faster every time her phone buzzed, hoping and wishing it was her best friend. Only it never was. And I'm imagining she was constantly keeping track of UConn games, for research purposes ofc, and would probably lock herself away in her room to watch them so her teammates wouldn't see her cheering on Paige and the massive smile she'd have every time she scored or had a good assist or defensive play. She'd especially play back moments where the camera focused on Paige because that's about as close as she'd get to her best friend again. And her teammates would never understand why she keeps the pictures of her and P up on the wall because "is she really your best friend if she doesn't even speak to you? All because you chose a different school?". Yet, she'd always defend Paige even if deep down, she knew they were right. I just wanna give UCLA Azzi the biggest hug 🫂

Anyway, i know you said that her teammates are gonna be the biggest menaces to Paige. GOOD, I hope they give her hell lmao. 😈 I feel like the story is gonna be a fun game of wanting them to be together already but also has Paige done enough yet to earn back our (Azzi and the readers) trust, and I'm fully along for the ride.

Also, not me meaning to stop after the quotes and then rambling like this, I'm so sorry! One day I will learn to send a normal ask that's like 50 words max 😭

Hoping for a good dub today and maybe this will be the day blondie beats the "gets too nervous in front of my girl" allegations 🤭

Much love always, have a beautiful day 💗

BESTIE HIIIII 💗💗💗

Lowkey always have the biggest smile when I see you here, like you're literally my favorite person ever on here I swear and please don't ever apologize for sending in long asks like they make my day. 🥺

The way you just get UCLA Azzi though>>> Like girlie went through IT for a year but she didn't lose hope (like Azzi is very "this love" coded in this fic actually like just wait til I get to her pov and I will be including some of this because you're a genius bestie) once because that's her best friend, like that's her soulmate and she's just never gonna be able to let that go.

But she's also got insane trust issues with Paige that I'm about to start unraveling slowly (it's gonna be so fun I swear though y'all might hate me a little for it) and it's going to take a hot minute (and by that I do actually mean years) for her to figure out how to give that part of herself to Paige.

Also she heard you and had a good game babe!!

[redstrewn]

No wait here’s the link to the playlist: https://spotify.link/55TnO2GLGDb

I hope it works! Sorry im no good at this sorta thing — musa

Hi im sorry i never got around to actually finishibg commenting on the whole thing but since its been like 5838849392829 years i might as well post what ive had in the drafts. Sorry that its mostly just me keysmashing and going insane over a couple songs bc my braincell just does that AHSJDNFJFK

OUH I LOVE PRODIGAL SELF thank you for introducing me to this song its rly my vibe OOOUHHH. Sleeplessness so rreeeal. Darkness. MMMMM.

Hidden place is so smeggzee...MMMMM. OMG THE FINGERS GIVEN TO TOUCH W LINE MC moment real....kept in a hidden place be careful. SOOO REAL.

HAWLLLYY SHIT IM OBSESSED W THESE LINES AAARRRGGHH SHAKIJG MY CAGE RATTLING IT CHEWING ON THE BARS GOING FERAL

He's the beautifullest, fragilest Still strong, dark and divine And the littleness of his movements Hides himself He invents a charm that makes him invisible Hides in the hair Can I hide there too? Hide in the hair of him Seek solace Sanctuary

IM CRAZY!! IM CRAAAZY!!!! I GO INSANE OVER THESE FUCKING LYRICS [SHAKES YOU BY THE SHOULDERS] MUSA U R SO INSANE (/pos) FOR THIS IM GOING INSANE THESE LYRICS AAURGEHHRHHRGRGGRGRGEGRGGRHRHRHRHRHRHRHR IM GOING CRAAAZYZYYZZYZYZYZYYZYZYZ

An echo a stain....the vibes of this song OOUUUUUU sexy sinister....MMMMM.

Don't say no to me You can't say no to me I won't see you Denied I'm sorry you saw that I'm sorry he did it An echo A stain A stain I can't say no to you (I can't say no to you) Say nothing Free falling Complete

Those last two lines SCARY AS FUCKCKKCKCKKKC GOD I FUCKING LOVE IT MMMMM NOMNOMONOM DRINKS THIS POURS THIS DOWN MY THROAT THATS GOOD GOURMET MUSICS.

Now the seer......

What is human? Is there really nothing but seeing or seen? The voice is wordless tissue The fog from Heart of Glass Listen to the lips that feed you The voice is a second flesh that cannot be seen This body is not for vision The seer cannot go there But the tongue is a pawn for the restless An indecipherable alphabet Each word an eye, lidless And we speak in tongues from part to part Broke, broke part to part From invisible state to invisible state to invisible state To invisible state Where do I end? In the flames or in the ashes? Where do I end? My body is the end My body is the end My body is the end

Now i wont pretend my dumb ass understands what the lyrics are actually saying so im just taking what my bumbling ass sees.

Taking "this body is not for vision" with the voice being "wordless tissue," makes me think of Leander's use of his body. For all his mental games he's also very physical in the way that he just uses it as a tool. "He works hard and parties harder," doesn't like naps, and his eyebags scream he doesn't sleep well either. He's a manwhore. He uses his body a lot. He probably uses his body to seduce not just for the sake of sex itself but also the added bonus of getting to know someone better (information is currency hurr) and gain someone's favor or something. But there is no seeing him. He's masked. Who even really knows each other in this game lmao? The only one doing the seeing here is him. "Each word, a lidless eye."

Goes with "but the tongue is a pawn for the restless." Wow that guy sure is restless and likes to manipulate people with words and convincing and drinks doesn't he. "Fog from the heart of glass" makes me think of a fog obscuring the heart.

"Listen to the lips that feed you." "I can keep you safe, as long as you trust me." There we go again with Leander's paternalistic, watchful-eye vibe.

"An indecipherable alphabet." Idk i like thinking of this with Vere's "His nice guy act is bullshit" lol. He may be speaking but it's coming from the ass. Indecipherable because what he says is just bullshit, empty flattery to get his way.

"And we speak in tongues from part to part. Broke, broke part to part. From invisible state to invisible state to invisible state. To invisible state." IDK what this actually means but I'm taking this as how his identity is in pieces. He reconstructs himself, breaking off the pieces he doesn't like and hiding them while he speaks from the parts he wants you to see. Invisibility, hiding the true, whole image of him. Like a puzzle with missing pieces. You're not seeing all of him. His visage fractured. You get it. I just like rambling.

"Where do I end? In the flames or in the ashes? Where do I end? My body is the end. My body is the end. My body is the end." Ha hoo. Ahh. Endings. Flames and ashes of extermination (though can also be rebirth). My body is the end. I don't know. Thinking of his like of masquerades. The hiding is something he likes, maybe not just because it's something he feels he has to do but also because he's "happy" with it. The perfect (constructed) image of himself. Iunno. Perhaps he wants to die being unknown. In the flesh of the body he uses as a tool. Maybe he wants to die in his facade. [Head in hands.]

I know you translated and expanded seni düşünmek on another ask, so I'll write my thoughts on it on that ask.

No light, no light....

yeah thats good

Would you leave me If I told you what I've done? And would you leave me If I told you what I've become? 'Cause it's so easy To say it to a crowd But it's so hard, my love To say it to you out loud

You can't choose what stays and what fades away And I'd do anything to make you stay

hhrhghrhghrghrgrkgkgkgkgkgkgkhhghhghghghrhrhrhhrrghgkkrgkghrkghh. its fine. im cool.

You want a revelation You want to get right But it's a conversation I just can't have tonight You want a revelation Some kind of resolution Tell me what you want me to say

IMMMMMMMMMMMM FUCKING GGGGG GGGGGG FFFIIINNEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the way this song can also be a kuras song omfg. AAAAAAUUUUUUUURGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

hamlet got me reading abt the play and went on a whole ride about it. that was fun thank you.

[vro0m]

vro0m’s rewatch - 141/310

2014 Belgian GP

Alright friends it's time for Spa! I think I like Spa. I guess we'll see if I do. Also we have a build up this time so that's good already. 

(Here’s a warning : this is The Long One I just had so much to say and I went on so many rants I’m very sorry)

EDIT : so I calculated that it takes about 25 minutes to read 🥴🥴🥴 just so you know before you start. Again, my apologies.

Jordan thinks there'll be team orders this time for Mercedes, as to avoid any incidents at the start especially. DC disagrees. 

Quali report. It was a really really wet one. Hulkenberg went out in Q1. He said he had no confidence in his car in these conditions. Valtteri is only 6th. The Ferraris have been looking good all weekend but Alonso went off and he starts from 4th. Ricciardo made a mistake and he starts 5th. Seb is 3rd. The Mercedes were 2 seconds ahead of everyone else!!! But Lewis is still not friendly with his car and he went off as well, while Nico had no issues. So that's Nico on pole, Lewis 0.2 behind, and then the others are truly 2 seconds away with Seb +2.126 behind, I can't believe this shit this is insane. 

Wait wait wait what did I hear? So there's been a driver change at Caterham with Lotterer making his debut. I don't even know who he is replacing lmao but that's not what caught my attention. Lotterer out qualified teammate Ericsson and that makes the journalist react, saying it’s quite unexpected. DC says "It's contrasting stories, really, isn't it? We've got Max Verstappen, a young guy being a question mark over is he too young to come to Formula 1 at 16-17, of course next year, and we've got Lotterer at 32 making his debut with vast amounts of experience." Wow. It's the first mention of Max I hear in this rewatch. (Also I keep saying rewatch but I'm watching for the first time so it makes no sense.) It is insanely young to sit in an F1 car, isn't it? Damn.

Anyway. Rosberg is 11 points ahead of Lewis in the WDC standings. 

DC is catching up with Jenson and they can't help but talk about Lewis. He says it's good they're battling for the title and that Lewis seems stronger in the head than he's ever been, even with the issues he's had with the car. 

Oh dear, it’s apparently starting to rain lightly… 

Also silly season has started and rumours say Alonso has had a meeting with Redbull. They're talking about Bianchi being a possible candidate for Ferrari if Alonso does go to Redbull. It's a bit heartbreaking so I'm gonna move on. 

Oh so Max has been signed already wow. I hadn't understood. I thought they were just talking about it but Helmut Marko signed him. Eddie Jordan is listing all the young drivers that came too soon and are now gone from F1 and tells Redbull they should be very careful. I mean. Listen. Not a Max fan obviously but you can't really compare him to Alguersuari or Grosjean (who came back). That's just insane. 

Alright it's time for the race, I'm switching to skysports commentary. 

Formation lap 

Oh there's a problem with Alonso's car. His team is still working on it after the time limit. The other cars leave. He's gonna get a penalty for that but if he can start the car now he can at least start from his spot on the grid. And he does that. 

There's very very light rain. 

Oh and Lewis is reversing on the grid because he missed his box which is great for my nerves. 

And they're racing… 

And he gets an amazing start! He's ahead! HE'S IN THE LEAD BEFORE THE FIRST CORNER! Seb is also ahead of Rosberg! Oh and there's been contact at the back I've seen something fly. Yellow flags. And Seb is catching Lewis! And he attacks in the straight! But Lewis has the inside line in the next corner and Seb goes straight on and loses a place to Nico. Phew. Yellow flags again. Cleared. Oh but that's Bianchi going around the track with one tyre completely wrecked. Wow this is such a long track compared to Hockenheim, we're only now completing the first lap. So Lewis is in the lead, but Nico is only half a second behind. Then Seb, Alonso, Ricciardo, Bottas, Raikkonen, Magnussen, Massa, and Jenson in the top 10.

Lewis makes a slight mistake and the fight is on. He goes defensive, holding the inside line, while Nico attacks. AND THEY TOUCHED! That's on Nico. He couldn't make it so he tucks back behind but he didn't do it fast enough and touched Lewis’ rear wheel with his front wing when he put himself back in position for the next corner. AND THAT'S A PUNCTURE FOR LEWIS FUCK he's dropping back… and he's completely opposite to the pits they just started a new lap I'm so pissed. Over the radio, he says Nico hit him. Fuuuuuuck. And the tyre has started to shred and that might be too much damage by the time he gets to the pits nooooo. Look like I said it's Nico's fault but imho that's a racing incident, it's very much unlucky that it had such an impact… yeah. Lewis is speeding to the pits and the tyre is flying all over the place in tiny pieces. Yellow flags. Lewis is finally in the pits. He goes again. He's P19. Nico is struggling as well. Ted says Lewis had damage to the floor and that it'll be an issue. There's a lot of debris on the racing line from his tyre. Spa I was saying I think I like you why are you doing this to me. Apparently Lotterer has stopped at the entrance of the pitlane. Daniel overtakes Alonso for P3. Yellow flags again. Lewis on the radio. "Floor's damaged, right?" He sounds worried. Bono says he'll need to have a look at the photos but thanks for the feedback. He's not gaining places at the moment, but a lap later, he sets the fastest lap. Come on! Bono comes back to him with a plan. He needs to stay on this tyre for 15 laps, so he should manage the rear left and he sets him a target lap time at 55.7. But Lewis is not convinced. "The rear left tyre is not going to go to lap 15." In the meantime, Ricciardo overtook Seb. And Valtteri overtakes Alonso for P4. Nico is about to pit and they're changing his whole front wing. It's gonna cost him. Yeah. That's a 10.0 stop. That puts him in P15. Lewis is still P19. I'm switching to x2 speed because I don't have time for that shit. It's lap 10.

Oh wtf? There's something dangling from, like, the antenna of Nico's car?

Oh. Brundle says he thinks that's part of Lewis' destroyed tyre. And Crofty makes the funniest "aha?" that goes up at the end that makes it very clear he sees the irony. It looks incredibly dangerous, in any case. It’s flopping around and looks like it’s gonna wrap around the steering wheel. Seb pits. Kvyat pits. Hulkenberg pits. We can see on a replay that Nico tried to tug the debris away as soon as it got stuck on his car but couldn't do it. Alonso gets a 5 seconds stop and go penalty for the issue before the start of the race, which is weirdly lenient. Ricciardo pits, he's ahead of Seb. Lewis P17. He's the second fastest man on the track at the moment. Rosberg is closing on Seb but he locks up MASSIVELY and is under pressure from Valtteri now. And here he goes! He overtook him with such ease! He's now catching Seb. Lewis pits. It's a quick one, but he went 14 laps instead of 15, and he's back in P19 so. Yeah. Not a good race for him… Nico pits as well. 

It's lap 20. Daniel is in the lead followed by Raikkonen and Seb. Then there's Valtteri closing fast on Seb, Magnussen who's far behind, Alonso, Jenson, Perez, Kvyat, and Rosberg is out in P10. Lewis, moodily : "should save this engine guys." Bono : "Lewis, don't worry, it is being discussed, but your pace is good (x2), we never know what's gonna happen with safety cars or anything later, so let's just keep plugging away and we will keep discussing it here." And we don't hear that in the broadcast, but I read in the transcript Bono then adds : "Lewis, you may not feel it but your pace is good. You're only a tenth off being purple in the middle sector. So anything could happen. We'd be kicking ourselves." He's so warm and comforting and reassuring and consoling. Come on Lewis, don't give up!

(I always find this part of him very interesting, because he really is very prone to pessimism. I mean it might be obvious but of course it makes sense he preaches positivity as much as he does, specifically because he naturally gives in to negative thoughts very easily himself. We’ve already talked about that at some point iirc. Anyway, back to the race.) 

We're halfway through and Nico is back up in P5. And then he slows down and is back in P6. He must have made a mistake. Lewis P16. A couple of laps later, Rosberg in P3. Lewis on the radio again. "Guys even if I catch the guys in front I have no downforce." He is absolutely done with this race and wanna go home but that's not in the job description. "OK Lewis, message is understood, but you do have good pace and if we had a safety car then there is all to fight for," answers Bono. "We are not concerned about the engine, just keep your head down and let's keep plugging away." 

It's lap 30. Daniel is still in the lead but Raikkonen has pitted and is now P3, with Nico in P2. Seb is P4, Valtteri P5, Magnussen P6, Alonso P7, Hulkenberg P8, Perez P9, and Jenson P10. And Valtteri overtakes Seb for P4. Lewis is in P15, and he gets called in, out in P16. Grosjean retires. Rosberg pits for the third time, Seb pits as well, and Valtteri gets himself ahead of Nico, but Nico is on fresh tyres… and he overtakes him for P3, and then Raikkonen for P2. Daniel is 20 seconds ahead… Lewis again asks his team to stop him and save his engine. Babe there's 7 laps to go, shut up and do it. Bono answers again, basically, they hear him but no. The engine isn't an issue. He's still 16th. Ah come on. Come the fuck on. On lap 40, with 5 laps to go, they do retire him. That is sooo SOOOO SOOOO stupid. Why. Honestly. Fucking hell. Why did you let him do all this for that. Also why did you give in to him complaining instead of making him do his very well-paid job to the end tbh. Stupid ass team, this was a lesson moment. This race has been infuriating. 

Extremely close racing from P5 to P8 now, between Magnussen, Jenson who's performing actual miracles to stay ahead of Alonso without crashing into his team-mate, and Seb. Final lap. 

And it's the end of the race. 

It's another win for Ricciardo. Rosberg P2, Valtteri P3. 

Ted asks Niki what he said to Lewis. "I said sorry because for him it's bad, no question about it." He says Lewis was clearly in the lead. "Why in the second lap? This somebody has to explain to me," he says. He says these things can happen when there's a fight all the way to the end but not in the second lap. They say they will all have a meeting, and see what they're gonna do, but he thinks it's a bad result for the team, altogether, and Lewis. 

On the podium, Rosberg gets loudly booed by the crowd. He's kinda apologetic, saying they touched "unfortunately" and it hurt both their races and it's not good for the team. Jordan asks about responsibility and he says he shouldn't comment as he hasn't seen it. 

Back to the BBC broadcast for the post race content. We hear from Toto. The journalist says Nico good booed. Toto looks extremely depressed, it's so weird. He just nods with a sheepish expression. Doesn't say a word. Oh he's pissed. When the journalist asks about the incident he says "absolutely unacceptable, absolutely unacceptable". He says on lap 2 of a long race, between teammates… They've discussed that situation before and it happened that day. He's asked about who's to blame as well. He says it's clear what happened out there. "You don't try to overtake with a knife between your teeth, is that how you say? On lap number 2 and then damage both cars." He says he believes this is a decisive moment both for their battle and for the team. The journalist asks what Lewis told him after the race. "Oh, he's very upset," he says. "But there is not a lot to say, I mean. We've kept him out there for a long time with a very damaged car uh… he will recover quickly, that's how he is but uh… obviously not very happy at that stage." Last question : "Toto how are you gonna handle this situation now?" Short pause. "It's gonna be handled." He smiles, but only with his mouth. If I was Nico I'd be shitting myself. The main presenter (Susie, not Wolff) and DC scoff and raise an eyebrow. The message is clear and Toto's fury is palpable. 

There's stuff to say there. But I'll wait a bit more because I've seen that the BBC also had a word with Niki so let's hear that first. 

He says it's unacceptable for him that in the second lap (emphasis on second) Nico hits Lewis. (He calls them out by name.) "Very simple, unacceptable," he repeats. He says there's gonna be a meeting but it's unacceptable. He says they can talk about it if it happens at the end of the race when they're fighting each other. But making such a mistake in the second lap and letting Redbull and Ricciardo win (he takes his cap off and puts it back on), "I have to say they did a very good job", but it's ridiculous. The journalist asks if they had this discussion prior to the race : please don't hit each other in the opening laps. "So far I thought that they're clever enough to know that," he says, "but now we have to discuss it. Very simple." 

The BBC reminds us that's a talk they had in their broadcast before the race, about team orders etc. and that they were disagreeing about. Jordan thinks this is the team's fault for not forbidding them to overtake each other in the opening laps until the race settles down. DC thinks that it goes against what a racer is and you want racers in your cars. Jordan says the drivers are team employees, you can't just let people go and do what they want to do, and that the team is paying the price. DC says he accepts that, "but in defence of the drivers…" Jordan cuts him off again. "Forget the drivers for a moment," he says. Susie says "you can't!" and Jordan loses his calm a bit "of course we can! Why defend the drivers when they're completely out on a limb?! The team is not exercising what is normal control, here." Well obviously Jordan was a team owner and DC a driver, and it shows in their opinions. Susie, who's smarter than both of them combined, reminds them very calmly that everybody has been very excited that Mercedes has let them race all season and that's what has made the season what it's been. She says Jordan is saying the opposite of what he was saying at the beginning of the show. Jordan starts rambling about a conversation he's had with DC, "we even brought his wife into it" (and indeed they talked about who takes decisions at home and it was incredibly cringe) "but leave that aside for one moment" and DC nods gravely and Susie says "yes please". He says he thinks they should have given team orders because it's Spa and the weather is changing and letting them race from lap 1 instead of from lap 4-5 was "stupid". But DC says in a boxing match you don't tell the boxers to not knock each other out until the 5th round so we get some value. (Mh not so sure it’s true.) (And sure enough :) Jordan says they do. And DC says well they shouldn't. Anyway DC thinks Nico didn't do it deliberately and was clumsy. "He knows he's not as good a wheel to wheel racer as Lewis" and was frustrated he lost the lead. He thinks it was almost inevitable for them to make contact at some point of the year (that much is true, imo).

Susie asks what it means for Lewis who's now "far" behind in the WDC. They both agree "it means war". (I think back to the "Nico hit me! Nico's hit me!" radio message and I wonder if there was a hint of surprise in Lewis' voice). DC says what's interesting as well is the public reaction because they all know Nico personally and he's a genuinely nice person but he can't seem to get the public behind him, and he doesn't have the team support right now (and that's what I wanna talk about). Ohhh interesting. Susie says Nico has gone to one of the biggest newspapers in the UK and he bought a column in it to try to win over the British fans. She asks if he's lost the support he could have had from that. Jordan thinks it was fragile from the start. He says RTL is down 30% which would be unimaginable if it had been Schumacher. He points out it's confusing because he's German with a Finnish passport living in Monaco. Susie points out the German didn't embrace Seb either. (Maybe the Germans are the problem then. Jk. Sorry to the Germans.) She says it's like they loved Michael and they can't love anybody else. DC says a German colleague told him they could relate to him as coming from a working class background. (Yep). 

Okay wait. We have Lewis' interview but before that I wanna comment on some things there, because as Toto said it is indeed a pivotal moment.

So yeah, very interesting how everybody is rallying around Lewis there. Remember in the last race how we were told the team apologised to him because the car gave up on him in quali? That also made me tick. It's a very, very interesting twist. We know from the past seasons that Lewis struggled to get the team's support in McLaren. We've seen him struggle to trust them and struggle to keep them motivated in their hard times and struggle with these relationships. It's almost surprising that in Mercedes, where he is the newcomer (I mean it's his second season there but Nico was there first), the team is rallying around him. What changed there? I don't have an answer, you'd have to have been there, in the backrooms, in the meetings to see it happen. (A lot of that was discussed in my asks since then.)

Now don't get me wrong. I've said it from the moment it happened : it was Nico's fault but truly it was a racing incident. It wasn't a huge rash mistake. It was a tiny error that had big consequences. I agree with DC that it was pretty much inevitable anyway, especially given that they let them race. It was stupid as all fuck and team seniors are right to make sure Nico knows that but they are taking such a strong public stance there, I find it very strange. You'd think it was the 2010 Turkey Seb-Webber crash when it really could have been nothing and they got very unlucky.

It's undeniable Niki loves Lewis. He's there for him. From the start you can hear in every of his post race interviews that he's his focal point and Nico is an afterthought. In his opinion, it seems, Nico is a good driver and he's good for the team mainly because he pushes Lewis further. 

It must be such a change of pace for him. Knowing that people are in his corner, backing him up, defending him, publically, loudly, proudly, and he's not fighting alone. That has not been the case, ever. People have always recognized his talent and underlined it at McLaren but I often had the vague diffuse feeling that he was on his own rather than part of a team. That's different with Mercedes and it resonates to this day. I can feel the rise of this magnetic aura he has nowadays, that I find very obvious, that makes a number of people around him act like he isn't completely human. Even most of the other drivers. They treat him differently, like he's an idol, in the religious term. It's like the air bends around him. Even though the young drivers wanna beat him, you can tell they can't help but lose their cool a little everytime he interacts with them. That's how it feels right this moment, seeing this team (and the public) so unequivocally defend him, against better reason (like, idk, basic PR rules). 

I wonder how much of that is due to him being the underdog and incredibly unlucky that season. I guess we'll see how it evolves and whether it changes at some point. (From what I’ve heard from some of you, it does.)

Also about Nico not having the public support. Well. Yeah. No surprise there. It's really interesting because that didn't really change to this day. He's really a golden boy, rich af, extremely privileged and so extremely naive about it? Like, shockingly naive. You're telling me the man bought a column in the UK's most read newspaper to try to get people to like him?! It's a dick move, love. You're just. Being rich. And you're doing that on Lewis' territory? Why not in Germany then? Why not in Finland? Absurd! He clearly means well, he's not mean, he's not an Alonso, he's not purposeful about it but he's just. So. Incredibly. Idk. Sheltered? Senseless? It makes me feel a bit sorry for him, in a slightly condescending way. He's trying so hard but so clumsily. Actually not unlike his racing now that I write it down? His overtake, his mistake, it's exactly that. Naive, senseless, and clumsy. Damn. Parallels. 

Let's get back to the content. 

Lewis says during the drivers' parade he saw so many British flags and the support was amazing and he's gutted he couldn't give the fans a good result. (His attitude is interesting, when he's pissed at a result he usually doesn't wanna talk, but he is talkative there, just very serious.) He doesn't know what to say. He sighs. He says we couldn't see it but he was driving so hard to try and do what he could with the car but it was so damaged…

He says he's gutted for the team. "My guys," he says (which accentuates the whole support thing, because I don’t remember hearing him use a possessive when referring to them), they've worked so hard on "my car", "we've had such a difficult time this year" and he had a good start and it was looking good. He says he took the corner as he normally does, "it was my line and…  I don't know why he hit me but erm… (inhale) I'm sure he'll leave here happy." He tilts his head to the side with a smile.

She asks how big of a moment it is in the championship. He was upset after Monaco, is it worse now? He hums. It's not worse, because it can't really get worse than Monaco. But it's not good. He says it took him a long time to gain thirty points last time, and we've seen it can change very quickly in Silverstone but his (Nico’s) car very rarely stops, "so… it's looking good for him for this season now."

She says he stayed out 20 more laps after first asking to retire. She asks what were the benefits of staying out and whether the team explained that to him. He sighs again. He sighs a lot throughout the interview. He says he wasn't giving up as he was driving (mmmh…) but he knew he couldn't do it, he couldn't catch Grosjean whose car is much slower than theirs. And once he did catch him, he couldn't stay behind him because the car's balance was so bad. He says he thought about the fact that in the last race weekend he lost an engine because it caught on fire, so he's one engine down compared to Nico, so that's why he wanted to save this engine because he's gonna have less laps in practice than him. (Okay I see his point.) She says he's been fighting very hard against the odds this season and he seems still very emotional standing there, what is it gonna take to win the WDC now?

Another pause, another sigh. He says there's a lot of things going on in his mind and of course you start to think maybe it's just not his year but he "can't let that overtake everything there's still 7 races" and he's gonna push, they've got a great car and a great team and he believes in them.

Another pause. "Who knows whether some fortune will come my way but I'm just gonna give it everything I can for these next few races because that's all I can do".

Now listen, because that's very interesting. She asks if it matters that Niki and Toto have been very much on his side, does the speaking needs to be done on track, does he speak to Nico?

He sighs again, it reminds him of school. The teachers would have a talk but they did nothing, "or you get a detention", but he thinks it won't even be that here, "I guess it'll be– all they can do is really (sigh) say that was not good and… we move on. He got those points today, the stewards didn't act on it and he's now 30 points ahead so (sigh, shrug) you know I just have to regather my thoughts and just approach… just be attacking (he smiles) like crazy in the next couple of races."

Alright. Let's take a second again. I'm sorry if this is a very long review but there's so much to analyse here, as I said I truly think it's a turning point. I was just saying how it must be a change of pace for Lewis to be supported like he is at Mercedes but clearly he doesn't feel like he is yet. It's gonna be interesting because you can tell he doesn't trust them to have his best interest at heart and to take the right measures to assert that. You can tell there's a lot of, I don't wanna say trauma because I don't know, but baggage there. We know he's been bullied in school and it's very telling that he's bringing school up at that point. He feels bullied. He feels like a victim in this situation. It seems his whole life he's been left to deal with these feelings on his own. We know his father has many qualities but he wasn't a very comforting father. We know he didn't defend him. Lewis loves to bring it up, but the whole "do your talking on the track" is, also, an admission of powerlessness off the track. He had to do the talking on the track because he couldn't defend himself off of it, because of the stigma, and the racism, and the fact that they weren't treated like they had the same rights as the others, as their bullies. We know his principal singled him out for being a racing driver and didn't support him and even punished him for it so you know he's faced injustice and he's never seen justice being served when that happened. Nobody has ever defended him but himself. Think of the fact he took, was it judo or karate?, to face his bullies, also think of Abu Dhabi and all of the '21 season and what that has meant for him in that context. It's the same thing all over again, in his eyes : the bullies aren't being punished, the people in power are protecting them instead of him, the principal is out to get him any way he can. Fucking hell. That puts a lot of things into perspective all of a sudden.

Let's get back to 2014. So that's what's at stake here as well. Not just the friendship (it's probably too late already), not just the WDC (there would have been other years), but the feeling of belonging, the feeling that people have your back, the feeling that they won't let you fight alone. It all depends on how the team will react now, and for the rest of the season, and for the rest of Brocedes. And maybe, maybe, that was Nico's role in Lewis' story. Someone had to be sacrificed for him, to him. Someone had to be put second so he could be put first. 

Jordan feels it too but without the hindsight I have. He kind of refuses to comment on it because he says he needs to listen to it again, because "he obviously has a message in there, and he wanted it delivered, the message, and I think that message is critical to the team and how his car is run." 

The message, I think, is "do you have my back and if so prove it." 

DC agrees with Susie that it's an incredibly well thought out interview, and he's impressed with how he's able to gather his thoughts in the car, even though he's incredibly emotional while he's racing. He says he enjoys, and that's a good point, how Mercedes allow their drivers to talk (and I'd say all the team members because Toto and Niki didn't hold back either). He thinks it'll bring the team popularity. 

And here's the kicker. The cherry on the cake. The Wikipedia article states that Nico "received an undisclosed punishment from Mercedes for hitting Hamilton". Although the stewards investigated it and concluded, like me, that it was a racing incident. Lewis later said after a meeting that Nico had "basically" admitted that it had been intentional to "prove a point" and that he (Lewis) didn't have to only rely on Nico to avoid it as he could have avoided it as well.

(At some point in this rewatch there will be something to say about Lewis' tendency to get paranoid when he comes under pressure but this is not a very good argument for it as we don't know the truth and there's enough in this review anyway. Also I have a gut feeling that the may-or-may-not-be paranoia is gonna get way worse later on so we’ll talk about it then.)

Toto also somewhat backed Lewis on this, saying after the meeting the collision could have been avoided, it was Nico who attacked and "it was also to show he was not prepared to give in". Nico initially said he didn't do anything wrong, and didn't see any risk in his manoeuvre. Then he denied Lewis' version of the meeting but refused to say what he said in the meeting, to "keep it internal". In one article, a Mercedes spokesman said that Lewis' version was "broadly accurate" but Toto said the part about admitting the crash was deliberate was "nonsense".

(See, let me get back to the paranoia thing after all. (sorry) What I mean is that when he's under pressure he sometimes makes wild claims, like sometimes on the radio, saying people did things on purpose and then he regrets it when he's calmed down. Something does happen, I mean it's never completely unwarranted, but then the question of whether people did the thing with bad intentions or not is up to interpretation and I feel like he tends to believe by default that people are out to get him, especially in tense moments. Which is understandable given the context and the whole bullying thing I mentioned earlier but it's worth keeping in mind. This may or may not be the case here. Like it might be that Nico said something ambiguous that could be interpreted as "I did it on purpose" and that's how Lewis heard it but could also have been interpreted with more nuance which Lewis didn't.) (And I don't blame him for it given the context.) (But still important pattern to keep in mind imo.) (Because if not relevant now it will definitely be relevant at some point.) (OK sorry let's keep going.)

Five days after the race, the senior members of the team held a meeting with both of them. That's when Nico got the undisclosed punishment. They still maintained the no team order policy. Nico accepted responsibility and apologised to Lewis, Mercedes, and the fans. Lewis admitted in a statement he made mistakes in their rivalry over the year and that it would be unfair to put all the blame on one driver. "There is a deep foundation that still exists for me and Nico to work from, in spite of our difficult time and differences." 

So now. The question is, I guess, was the punishment enough in Lewis' eyes to convince him he's not fighting alone? Is he fighting alone?

[roads-to-madness]

concert ramblings under the cut!

The first band, Pistols At Dawn, were freakin awesome! Very fun to watch! Unfortunately we were a little late for their set and had to find our seats, but we got to hear a good two and a half songs. I'm absolutely obsessed with this one:

Mammoth WVH left a very positive impression too! And let me tell you, I learned a very valuable lesson in checking out the supporting acts before the show

(anyway hi Frank it was nice to see you again 👋 last time was probably in 2016 or so with SMKC 😂)

NOW ALTER BRIDGE AAAAAAAAAAA

I just about lost my mind when I saw Myles. It'd been way too long since the last time. I stood up since our section was pretty empty and there was no one behind me to block. The people next to me did not stand up 😂 whatever I was there for a good time

First few songs in the set:

Silver Tongue

Addicted to Pain

Ghost of Days Gone By

Holiday

Broken Wings

NOW GET THIS Broken Wings is one of my absolute favorite songs of theirs. In the middle of it, the lady next to me offered tickets she had to CLOSER SEATS. And when I say closer I mean WOW. The difference was insane. I always say I have the best luck when it comes to concerts and this really proves it. Either that or I was just really annoying them who knows lol

the view in our original seats:

the view in our new seats:

(look y'all I found a blurry Flip 😂) sorry about the blur on all the pics btw, my phone is actually trash with a battery!

the next song was Burn It Down (with Mark's lovely vocals taking lead!! 🥰 He's amazing)

They ended the first part of the set with Cry of Achilles!! Always great!

Then Myles did one acoustic song on his own: Watch Over You, dedicated to someone in the audience wearing an NSYNC shirt. Y'know to make sure they were ok in that crowd lmao. Very brave choice of clothing

Mark joined to play an acoustic version of In Loving Memory. These two dudes actually made me cry

thanks guys 😤

They transitioned the band back in with Blackbird. Genius. Didn't think they could recover from making me cry that fast but they did. Amazing!

the rest of the set:

Come to Life (so much fun! aaaaa fave!!)

Pawns & Kings

Stay (more of Mark's amazing vocals!!)

hold your hands up high and throw 'em in the air / show 'em that you care too much to feel this way again

Isolation

Metalingus

Flip and Brian were introduced during Metalingus! I yelled for them so much my throat hurts!

Encore: Rise Today

Even with the awesome seats I wasn't close enough to catch anything flying into the audience but it's always entertaining to watch! I'm worried Flip is gonna hurt someone with a drumstick eventually 😂

Myles threw one of the setlists out as a paper airplane 🥰 adorableee

It was seriously one of the best nights I've had in a long time. It's up there with my favorite concert I've ever attended (Mike Campbell and the Dirty Knobs). Maybe we'll call it a tie now..?

Anyway AB, when can we do this again??

[arofili]

For the character opinion thing: Maglor

dfjkhdkjfhdk i was hoping someone would ask about Maglor because HOO BOY DO I HAVE OPINIONS..............

everyone but me is wrong about them: imagine me circling this so many fucking times you can't see text anymore. i feel this SO strongly,,,, every maglor characterization except mine is WRONG,,,

if they were real i would be afraid of them: i mean cmon this is obvious djfhdkjfh

they're deeper than they seem / not as deep as they seem: yes I selected both what of it. anyway basically i think that NO he is not a pathetic little meow meow but also he's not evil, people read so much into him that i don't think is really there, but also people ignore parts of his character that they shouldn't,,,

they got done DIRTY by fans: i have been very vague so far but maglor characterization where is he is wholesome and sad is cheap and uninteresting, but also i'm soooo not interested in maglor characterization where he's cold blooded and ruthless, like... he is a BAD LEADER. he's a good second in command. he can't stand up for himself. he twists the narrative around himself, but not always consciously, and not always in his own favor. he was a good father figure to elrond and elros. he was a bad father in general. HE IS SO COMPLICATED and ueurughgh this isn't even related to this specific square any longer

wow they are a horrible person: ALL FOUR KINSLAYINGS AND HES THE ONLY ONE WHO SURVIVES.

I actively dislike them sorry: i go insane sometimes about various maglor interpretations lmao. you know that post that's like "if you hate yourself take a shower, if you hate everyone else take a nap" or w/e? one of my gauges of "have i been on the internet too long" is "if you hate maglor get offline" djfhkfjhdkjfhdkjfh @ self brotherfucker maglor isn't real he can't hurt you

also, another controversial maglor opinion: he and maedhros are actually terrible to each other. they used to be close in valinor but after maedhros' captivity - really, after maglor helped burn the ships - he and maedhros never saw eye to eye again. and they never really talked about this either, which only made things worse. maglor was actually much closer to caranthir! but fate made him and maedhros the last remaining brothers and that was a Bad Time for them both. they were much happier when they had space from each other!!!

[maraudersftw]

Hi Claudia,

This might come off as a LinkedIn type of question, but in one of your fics (which I love very much!), you've mentioned Consultancy as a job type. As someone exploring various bachelor degree options, I wanted to know what does one need to study and what type of skills should one possess to work in the field of consultancy.

Thank you in advance!

Hi, anon!

Wow, I actually feel really flattered that you came to me for anything career-related at all. So, I'm not sure where you are from, but I can give you some background on how I got into consulting in India.

I was initially studying to be a science major in school, and I was completing my International Baccalaureate (IB) diploma at the time. Not sure if you're familiar with its structure, but basically, beyond just my science and math subjects, I also had a business elective. When my final grades came in after 12th, I noticed I'd done well in science, but I'd done really well in business. And I'd never considered that career path before, but once I did, I realized I could actually see myself working in corporate (what a thing to say 😭) and excelling at it too because I'm a hard worker, perfectionist, and allured by job security.

So that led me to do a bachelor's in business administration, followed by a couple of internships, then an MBA, and even more internships. Mind you, I actually specialized in marketing during my MBA, and business consulting was another elective I just randomly decided to take out of interest. But when my current company started hiring, I was like... meh, why not give the interview a go just for the experience? I swear to God, I didn't expect to get hired because I had zero full-time work-ex, and consultancies generally tend to hire people with more experience (although this is changing now, so I'm not making any definitive statements). But by some miracle, they actually hired me, so I think the skills they were probably looking for were: great communication, logical as well as creative approach to problem-solving, a good amount of confidence (because you'll need to convince other companies to pay you for giving them advice about their own business lmao), and ability to ask the right questions

And you didn't ask for this but: I'm actually really happy with my job even though the hours can suck sometimes and work can get insane. But when the workload is low, it's low enough that you can actually enjoy your life and plan long vacations.

Plus, the travel is good! Pay isn't too shabby either (unless you join one of those companies) ;)

Anyway, this was clearly way more information than you ever asked for. I'm sorry. All the very best, hope I could help a little!

[lorenzobane]

Alright- finally getting around to the last episode of Picard, and I figure why not liveblog it:

It is still SOOO unclear to me why the fuck the Changelings are even bothering to help the Borg. I guess their conceptual mission (conquer everyone) is pretty similar, but.... that feels like. Not enough.

It is very nostalgic to see everyone on the Enterprise-D, though. I can't deny that. Picard's got me there.

WHY is Jack the command signal? It remains stupid. I genuinely thought the Pah Wraith theory was more interesting than this aiuwhefs;djlk';

I do love the Borg cube's exterior design, though- its so iconic, and seeing it rendered with modern graphics

Awww poor little cook- but also he had to run the deli because his brother "had a hernia"..... sir. You're in the future. Why would that stop anyone from doing anything for longer than like. a day. I think your brother was lying to you.

Okay, I'm gonna be so real- am I the only one who kinda doesn't give a shit about Jack? I get he's there to add some stakes, but I truly don't care at all. Explode him idgaf.

If the idea is to wake Jack up from his evil slumber then why would you not send Beverley....? Who, ya know, raised him?

"And I will make it a threesome" Okay i love you Worf

Okay- like I said, I am not immune to nostalgia, "it's been an honor serving with you all" OKAY, fine Daddy Picard you got me.

Also a lot of long lingering looks between Deanna and Will... Makes me think one of them might not make it out alive

You know it really is so telling how much of the original Borg design, from the ship to the interiors, they kept. Tells you how impressive it was the first time around. It is just so creepy and excellent.

Cool. Picard has magical Borg senses.

Fine fine, the Riker/Picard/Worf scene was sweet. Can you tell that I'm a willing sap for alllll the TNG nostalgia?

LMAO I'm SORRY i actually love the camp excellence of the Borg Queen emerging from the shadows to cackle evilly

Okay HELL yeah for a Seven of Nine "Big Damn Captain" speech

This is just so funny. The Borg queen is so so fucking funny. Why is she so melodramatic. Real Miette energy.

Oh this changeling connection is dumb as hell

Worf's Bat'leth with a built in phaser is COOL okay. Sometimes I am a teenage boy.

I am not immune to TNG theme music

I am also not immune to people who have trusted each other for a lifetime coming together again. Geordi trusting Data's gut.

Ahhhh the classic "all hope is lost" moment, how I love thee

I'm sorry to say it, I really am because its the emotional heart of the story, but I just don't care about Jack

LMAO conflict solved with a hug from dad- Christ the daddy issues on star trek continue to astonish and amaze

Longest "one minute to get out" ever

I'm sorry I'm sorry but once again I'm weak for the old "the strength of their connection saves the day" and I'm a sentimentalist at heart

Kinda obsessed with the idea of Riker just being the type of guy who needs a universe-ending catastrophe every once in a while or they get bored

God Michael Dorn is sooooo good at playing Worf its not even funny. He's just. Worf. I could watch him play this character perfectly for the end of time.

Love it when Starfleet just Starfleets. "Ehh you're reckless and a little insane, but in that good way that sometimes saves the galaxy. here- have a ship and hang out on the frontiers, and don't bother us."

Worf, House of Martok...... My beloved

Poor Deanna, you do deserve a beach vacation

Starfleet history must be BUCK WILD. You tell the story of that time a crew of old people stole a ship from a museum and saved the world. Like. Okay.

NEPOTISM BABY JACK CRUSHER

uaoeisdjokf THIS fucking guy. Okay, now that I know he's lame I like him more

"What could possibly go wrong?" Wow was that a heavy-handed setup. I think I heard something about a TV show and now I feel extra convinced they are either planning one or at one point were.

Everyone being SO NORMAL about Captain starting words is so fucking. okay starfleet really MUST be the nerds of the galaxy.

Okay. I'm gonna be honest I don't think I needed quite so much nostalgia bait at the end. It was nice for like. A second. Especially when it was intercut with the younger characters.

Ending on them playing poker together, la ti da- everyone got a happy ending and in Starfleet heroes are rewarded

Anyway- it was fine. I found the episode kind of underwhelming honestly, but it wasn't horrific. Just kinda. Star trek typical levels of nonsense.

[occasionallykettle]

it's been longer than a month since some of the cast were shown reacting to mike's monologue but i still want to briefly talk about it because i found the comments of all things oddly hilarious 💀💀

on the surface, we can tell that finn is cringing so hard at the scene. i don't know if that's just him cringing at his own acting or him cringing at the writing in this scene.

i think the other actors' reactions are kind of important as well though? because they obviously don't want to make a jab at finn's acting, but they don't seem thrilled about it either? like they're all sort of just looking at it... but the comments (OH GOD. THE COMMENTS.) seem to think that everyone is so deeply moved or something, which i disagree with completely. to me it just looks like they are all trying to not cringe visibly. caleb literally goes "aww" in a mocking tone after seeing that finn is cringing as well.

alright. the comments. i swear, the comments made me so irrationally mad, even i'm embarrassed about it. the GA/delusional mildsauce shippers (if you told me 6 years ago that i would be calling milkvan shippers delusional in the future, i would have punched you in the face and not believed you) has just hopped into the comments and saying things like "wow, that 'you're MY superhero' line was so deep and it really shows how mike feels about el 🥺🥺🥺" and i just have to. take a few deep breaths.

first of all, they argue that that this... advances milk&oreos' relationship? and when byler shippers in the comments said "el doesn't want to be a superhero", they say that mike was talking about el's personality being a superpower or something, when that was literally the exact opposite of what that means.

and then someone under the comment "the 'you're my superhero' line was a great improvisation from finn" said that... get this... milkvan is such a power couple. I AM SCREAMING. ON THE FLOOR. LAUGHING SO HARD THAT WATER IS COMING OUT OF MY EYES. they are the complete opposite of a power couple. they disempower each other in so many ways, it's unhealthy and toxic. mike became an ass towards all of his friends after spending time only making out with el in season 3, el didn't even know what she liked at the time. she had such a better time with max, and was basically glued to hopper and mike before that. and not to mention, mike wasn't even the one to help el in this scene. it was the sight of max almost dying that gave her the power to get rid of the vines. so where is the power? in what world are they helping each other?

oh my goodness, i searched up the definition of a power couple (just to be sure) and one of the answers was "a couple that compliments each other's strengths and supports each other's individuality". holy shit, that is insane how that's the exact definition of what milkvan is not.

what i love the most though (this time for real)? the bylers in the replies providing analyses. for almost every shitty mildsauce comment, there is an in-depth analysis on why whatever that milkvan said wasn't true. i love that. and the most in-depth analysis i found from milk&oreos/GA's side was basically just "we can see that mike was oBsEsSeD with el from season 1 🥺🥺🥺" (no. i'm not even joking. they literally said that mike was obsessed el since season 1, obsessed being in caps.).

SURE bud, this mike wheeler was 100% in love and obsessed with el in season 1.

ALL IN THE SPAN OF 1 MINUTE 💀💀💀 once he thought that el wasn't useful anymore, he was not hesitant to start getting pissy towards her. yeah, totally obsessed...

wait. there's more.

i'm sorry for this long post, i just got pissed after seeing the comments and wanted to rant somewhere lmao

anyways, i just think that some midlevens are kind of becoming a bit delusional now? they are quite clearly making up things that just aren't true just so that they can call milkvan a healthy "power couple" (that comment will never not be funny to me). i'd like to clarify that this is not all mildsauces, just the ones that make up things and post them in youtube comments in an attempt to prove byler wrong.

[jrueships]

revisiting the ask about switches and wow the wisdom however i am sorry luka has 100% bottom energy and so does kuzma to me but for different reasons that i’m tryinf to figure out. Thanks again

I SEE IT !! I DO ! I REALLY DO !!!! UR MIND IS VAST ANON !!!! You give me bottom luka and kuzma and i See it! I want it! I DESIRE it !!

Let me just explain Switch luka and kuzma tho so i dont sound insane or whatever BUT LET IT BE KNOWN that i love hearing ANY other interpretation on them!! I'm just gonna elaborate since some of the switch blurb was a Little vague on standing alone

Okay so SWITCH LUKA.. here me Out. I put him in the switch blurb because I saw the switch blurb as like.. people who mainly prefer One thing but CAN/HAD been another? And can switch it up again if desired ! so like.. yeah luka is Definitely a bottom fr fr. The way he let's boban manhandle him (in his defense boban is a fuckin giant so what can u do) /everyone manhandle and ruffle his classic bttm boy blond hair. BUT... BUT. Submissive top luka ? Service knight Luka ? Still likes when people pull his hair luka and will do something Specifically to get his s/o gasping and pulling? Asking for consent before Literally everything Luka? Asking if they're Okay every minute even though he's literally being the gentlest Ever Luka? Attentive and caring in bed luka LIKE.. you just need to PERCEIVE the IDEA ! him and dominant bttm Dennis smith jr ? Dennis riding him until he's absolutely Withering under his hips and dying to run his hands down smith's sides but smith just strengthens the hold he has on his wrists and YEAH basically... think of the Dennis Smith Jr of it all .... is All I have to say ...

And KUZMA? OKAY .. SO LIKE.. I KNOW.. He's Kuzma of COURSE he's a BTTM but like...

ALRIGHT ??? you leave the lakers... shed your laker snake skin.. join the wizards.. become a switch. YES, he WAS the annoying bottom jaylen fucked in a depression fit and regretted once... but he's DEVELOPED ! he still bottoms most of the time and is still very annoying but like. Listen. Switch kuzma. HE DOESNT HAVE TO TOP 23/7 but like.. the IDEA of him being able to switch now is. Very switch kuzma of him. A softer state. A surprisingly gentle and caring partner in bed, lots of praises and wanting to be praised in return. He's probably into that 'good boy' shit. IUNNO! it's worth a THOUGHT !

..... and smore to explain uhh.. i won't explain the more obvious ones but if anyone wants me to then looks at askbox

So GIANNIS .. look. With a wife as BEAUTIFUL as he's got, how can he NOT get pegged HUH? JUST A BIT!! AS A TREAT! also he has like twenty boyfriends and you're telling me NONE of them can top him 🤨 ??? maybe not jrue (/hj he kinda switchy too😏) but I've got FAITH. Even Greek gods can get a lil d*ck man. Apollo didn't kill that man with a discus for nothin

Draymond's power goes beyond staying to one label, no hate to those that do OF COURSE, he just wants A Lot and he'll get it with his draymondness ! I will defend that mouthbreather being kinda handsome and getting bitches even if i have to fall on shield to do it! AND KLAY? cmon like. Steph is sexy in more ways than one...

Vanvleet is small men topping supremacy and also mom dad supremacy like idk what to tell u lol. So is trae! i think they mainly top tho, but CAN bottom when they feelin 4 it. Honestly trae just has major 'do whatever WHATEVER PLEASE just sit on my f*ce energy, ride me, thighs thighs legs boobs idc i WANT IT!!' So yeah he's def a switch like that. Doesn't care, just Wants. Sorry I had to put Fred so close with the gremlin LMAO. Short kings can either be sane or insane there's like No in between its crazy

Bttm Bam DESERVES the thought!! It doesn't HAVE to be with Jimmy, he just deserves some **** ! I just think! Someone needs to give this man some d*** PLEASE! He's had to be the single braincell on a dumbass (lovingly) team for SO long.. let him **** around on a bed in BLISS !

Jimmy butler... okay.. like... OKAY. The idea of him bttming with Bam is PERMANENT! it STAYS there!! But like... if he's gonna get in that 3some with Kyle and demar he's been ABSOLUTELY H O U N D I N for for EONS then.. yknow he's gonna need that versatility when we Know the only topping Kyle does is rabidly humping deebo in bed during his big spoon time before getting banished to the couch... also.. saying how you wanna **** (<- this can say whatever you wish) a man (deebo) really Hard. Once. Maybe twice? Is kinda ... 🤔🤔 ? hmm. OF COURSE I LOVE L O V E BTTM JIMMY AND HIS BANTER BUT LIKE.. just Think. Is all i ask 😏😏 like with All of these i LOVE ALL of these bottom supremacy or top supremacy ideas but.. yknow .. Debby Ryan hair tuck image ... there's always Room ... you know .... im jus sayin... don't shoot the messenger 👀

[gaytransbimbo]

yo I'm in detective mode rewatching the whole show and this is gonna be long I apologize I apologize BUT in my defense, I'm obsessed with this so yeah

the mustache guy Gretchen drinks cocktails with is used for the Pilot ID in ep. 2 photo and name. I don't know if this is any used but I felt good to find out so take it as useless info.

the bunker and HQ have been architecturally designed with many similarities - a lot of concrete, narrow vertical openings for sunlight, smooth floor textures, even the wood surfaces in some walls are very similar used - so I'm gonna go ahead and assume they are located in the same building or very close together. we also see the bunker entrance in ep. 1 (the woman giving Alex the Pilot's bag) and ep. 7 (the girls been taken off the plane) so the Bunker is very close to the island (a very small trip with the boat I'm gonna say I have a theory here about them drugging everyone (cause its easy) and operating on Rachel's hand real quick and dropping her back on the island.. no idea moving on)

1/3

this gonna be long I apologize again

timeline: in ep.6 gretchen gets checked into this hospital and says to Agent Daniel Whatever "in two months time". so this is the day of the mussels thus we're talking around Day 12 or 13 I'm not sure. In ep.9 they are starving (Day 22) and they find the goat next (Day 23) when Leah asks Nora what is the date and she says JUNE 29th. Checking notes and math and shit, the mussels and the day Gretch finds Agent Daniel Whatever is MAYBE JUNE 18th. according to that "in two months time" when he is going to be needed in the bunker, we are talking about a rescue happening on the early days of August, which gives us one final month for the rest of the project to be finished in the Bunker. In ep9 we have January 10th written down on a box BUT the day before Shelby had asked for Leah and so we know we ain't near the end of the Bunker project phase, but quite at the beginning still. So we can assume that the "two months" in the island might have been flexed a looot longer than that? We know crazy shit happened - shelby's interview - so we can assume again they could have been left on the island until early motherfucking January because hoLY FUCK THAT'S A LOT OF TIME (but it could explain the fact that Rachels hand is like insanely healed and this timeline could be easily covered by the four seasons they are planning on going but I don't know man.. my mind is fucking blown even thinking about this)

But then again - no. Because Gretch is like talking with the parents at the same time she tells Leah's parents "end of the summer" slash 'the end of the 3month project'. (but that's before the crazy shit that happened after the shark attack so no idea). HOWEVER she IS digging up dirt on the girls to use but, man, i don't know this thought ends here.

2/3

I think Martha and Nora are fine. Nora is "arrested" (?) as they are going with the fake investigation line and I think she does come clean to the rest of the girls about her role after the shark. And I'm gonna go with the theory of Martha being very very hurt or something, even if Toni is like very calm I don't know. Shelby and Toni are fine come on, guys, Shelby was like ready to fucking tear them apart when Agent Young said her name like WOW, the girl protective as shit.And also like rewatching the interviews, every girl seems to like pause for a second every time one of the Agents tries to push. Rachel after the whole "but that didn't materialize". Fatin after they look at her weird when she said she believed Leah. Shelby's whole thing (amazing acting I am in love with Mia like aihxsidhe0udgpiw) after the "according to some Intel we've gathered". And Leah like... man, Jeff ??? she was over this guy. I think the girl is like putting up some insanely good manipulation thing knowing that they know of the paranoid tendencies and shit. I don't know. 3/3 lol sorry about this mess I need to let out my thoughts on someone and you were the victim of it. you can dismiss them if you feel like it, I apologize for murdering your inbox

you don’t understand how excited i got about this ask lmao. thank u. okay so lets see...

yeah the bunker and the HQ are probably the same building, it would make everything easier for gretchen. it has to be close to the island since they can get there by boat but they also have access to the real world/hospitals/the donors ect. So I don’t think they are near Peru one bit but where are they???

them being on the island for 6 months makes sense with rachel’s hand but also WTF GRETCHEN?? and were their parents okay with that?? idek bro idk what to believe the timeline is so messed up. They were definitely there for an extra month after the shark but idk January seems like a stretch. Also the timeline of the interviews is interesting in itself too. How many days has it been until Leah’s escape? were the interviews in chronological order or are they mixed up?

Nora pretending to be arrested makes a lot of sense?? cause the whole “it’s up to you now” rachel said indicates that Nora’s fate is up to the “FBI agents”. I also don’t think Martha is dead. i love Mia’s acting and omg i can’t wait for a goodfoe reunion in the bunkers. And yeah! Leah talking about jeff so openly weirded me out but then we learn she gets over him on the island too so it makes less sense....unless she is trying to confuse them????

[myluciferiscody]

Summer of ‘84

Xavier Plympton x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3,426

Warnings: smut, language, sex in a public place, au!, all characters are 18+, i’m sorry if this is bad lmao

**using my current tag-list so feel free to ignore**

It was June of 1984 when you and your close friends returned to your jobs at the local drive-in theatre the last Summer before you started college.

It was your second year working here, and you were sad that it would be the last. It was an easy job. You'd work nights only five days a week. It was nice being able to make your own money and have fun with your friends while doing it. 

You were working the concession stand tonight with Xavier Plympton. You had been friends with him the longest out of the bunch. He was one of the best co-workers you could ever ask for. Despite his constant complaining about dealing with customers, he was always armed with perfect comebacks when you were stuck dealing with a Karen. Plus, he did work hard, which was a relief. Some of the other teenagers you worked with were only there for the paycheck, clearly. 

You were particularly excited because you were able to see the screen playing Gremlins and Ghostbusters. You rarely got to enjoy the movies. You were either working the ticket booth or continuously walking around, making sure nobody tried to sneak under the rotting wooden gates surrounding the lot. 

It was just after 9:30 when Gremlins started, and you and Xavier had just finished up the line.

"Let's hope the crowd stays away so we can clean up." he sighed, stretching his arms above his head. The ugly yellow shirts you had to wear rode up a little, and you caught yourself staring before a pair of hands covered your eyes.

"Gah!" you said, and you heard the loud laugh of Montana Duke behind you. 

"Sheesh, you're such a scaredy-cat!"

"I was distracted!" you said, your cheeks burning as you started to wipe down the counter, which was covered in popcorn kernels. "Shouldn't you be with Brooke right now?"

Montana slid over the countertops, going to the pop machine where she started filling up two cups. "We're parched, it's just now starting to cool down a bit. Larry is making us patrol for the next forty-five minutes before the others take over."

You nodded, scrubbing a particularly stubborn spot of butter that was probably from the night before. 

Xavier had laughed at what Montana said, and you immediately knew why. They had been caught in quite the compromising position the first night the theatre was opened this season. You were surprised they hadn't been fired, and Brooke had given two shifts away after the fact to avoid being questioned about it. 

"He's a fucking pervert anyway," Montana said, putting lids on both cups. "I gotta go. Be good!" she called sweetly before she bounced out of the rickety building. 

"I wish these fucking fans would work!" Xavier grumbled, fumbling with the switch of the nearest overhead fan. It made a creaking noise, the metal blades moving an inch before it stopped. 

"They're ancient," you laughed, finally getting the spot cleaned. "Candace told me they've been here since this place opened."

"These are like forty years old then, how fucking convenient," he grumbled, before giving up. "You'd think they could afford to replace them."

"Watch your language," you scolded. "We don't need another complaint."

Xavier smirked at you, starting to restock the popcorn buckets. "y/n, you should really stop being so uptight, babe." he teased you.

"I am not uptight!" you gasped, your mouth falling open as you dropped the rag into the sanitizer bucket. 

"Exactly what someone uptight would say!" he retorted, laughing at you, his hands methodically stacking the buckets handful by handful. 

"You won't think it's amusing when you're fired, you ass!" you said, causing Xavier to throw his head back and laugh rambunctiously. 

"That's the least of my worries, babe," he grinned at you, and you felt your heart swell. "What would you do without me?" he said.

"I'd probably actually get some work done..." you mumbled, starting to refill the popcorn machine with fresh kernels. "But I'd have to deal with the bitchy Karens all on my own."

"Watch your language!" Xavier mocked you, balling up the plastic and tossing it in the nearest trash-can. "Hey y/n- oh, someone is coming."

You told Xavier you would take care of the customer as he started restocking the cups, watching as you showed the young boy all of the ice creams you had. He was cute, probably no older than eleven with thick-framed glasses and a toothy smile. 

"Thank you, Miss," he said, before hurrying out.

"I think he liked you," Xavier said as you closed the register. "That's cute."

You rolled your eyes, seeing Larry sitting in the projection room, already asleep. "Shut up, he's young."

The next half-an-hour you only helped two other customers. Many people came to use the bathrooms, but other than that, you were alone with Xavier. You had cleaned up everything there was to clean, and you decided to dig out the book you brought to pass the time. 

Xavier watched the screen through the large window next to the entrance, the portable stereo tuned into the theatre's station. He was very amused by Gizmo, even gushing at the little creature.

"That's cute," you mumbled to yourself, chewing on your lip to keep from giggling.

"I heard that," he said crossly, his eyes on you now.

"I didn't say anything," you shrugged, bookmarking your page. "I'm hungry, I want a pretzel."

"Lucky for you, I popped one in for you," Xavier said, gesturing towards the pretzel heater right next to him. "It should be done now."

"Thank you, Xavier!" you said happily, coming over and taking it out. Xavier watched you, and he reached next to him for a bucket of popcorn he had gotten for himself. He put a handful in his mouth as you started pouring nacho cheese into a plastic container. 

"Hey, y/n?" he asked again, looking at you.

"Yes?" you asked, watching the hot cheese, feeling your stomach growl with hunger.

"Do you remember my friend Chet? He graduated last year?"

You nodded, moving to sit next to him on the counter. "The cute dark-haired kid who is really athletic?" 

"That's him," Xavier said, stuffing more popcorn into his mouth. "I ran into him the other day, and I told him I was working here again. He said he worked here for a season before we met."

You encouraged him to keep going, wondering where this was going. You knew Chet Clancy, mainly because he was a popular jock who dated multiple girls throughout the years. You have only spoken a few words with him in your entire life, but he was sweet enough. 

"Uhm..." he said, looking a little nervous now. You thought it was odd, he rarely became this way around you. "He asked about you."

You perked up, tearing your pretzel in half as you watched him see if he were joking. He wasn't, looking you dead in the eyes, and you could see he was honest.

"He asked about me?" you asked, shocked.

"Yeah, he kind of... Hinted, that he was interested in you."

You found yourself smiling. "Really? I never really talked to him..."

Xavier nodded, "I know. I was a little shocked myself."

You ate some of your food, now thinking about dating Chet Clancy. You never would have imagined it, and not even because you rarely knew him. He just seemed so out of reach. You weren't the "normal" crowd he hung out with.

"Wow... That's insane," you said simply.

"Yeah... But I kind of choked up and said we were dating."

You spit out your tiny bite of food, covering your mouth as Xavier looked at you with wide eyes. "WE'RE NOT DATING!"

"Shh!" Xavier said, almost dropping his popcorn in an attempt to cover your mouth. "I know, y/n, I don't even know what happened," he growled, tossing the bucket aside. "I panicked."

"Why would you panic?" you asked, wrinkling your nose as you picked up your un-chewed food with a napkin and tossed it in the bin. "We're friends."

"I got... Jealous," he replied lamely.

You glanced up at him, and he was looking at his lap, his face wrinkled in embarrassment. You were thrown for a loop. As long as you had known each other, not once did there seem to be any romantic inclination. Of course, you've crushed on him a bit, I mean, who wouldn't? He was funny, charismatic, gorgeous, and saw something in you that he wanted to be your friend.

"Why?" was all you managed, your voice hushed and confused.

"It made me realize that I like you. And we're not little kids anymore. If I didn't tell you how I felt, then I might lose the opportunity to tell you." he said, before laughing dryly, "I guess it took another guy being interested in you for me to wise up and stop being an idiot."

You started to grin at him, and Xavier looked relieved. "Does this mean you're not mad?" 

"I'm not mad," you assured him, putting your food to the side. "I'm just surprised. I never would have thought..."

"Babe, I'm clearly head over heels for you, I tease you relentlessly because I like to make you laugh. And I like when you get snappy with me." he grinned at you, his eyes sparkling as you heard a group of teenagers pile into the bathroom, giggling. 

You scooted closer to Xavier, and you could smell his body wash. "I just thought it meant you liked to pick on me." 

He threw his arm over your shoulder, pulling you into his side. "I do, with love."

After that, you had spent the rest of Gremlins talking, sitting close to each other, and giggling madly. You had to go back to work once intermission started, and you felt your heart-beating wildly every time you heard Xavier's voice. You listened as girls giggled and whispered about him, cashing them out with a broad smile. At one point, you heard him go, "Sorry, ladies, I'm taken."

When the last movie started, you turned off all the machines, cleaning everything down quickly. The one thing you liked about this theatre is that intermission was the final call. You'd have time to clean up and be on your way home before the second movie was even half-way through.

You had set aside some food for the others while you finished up. Brooke Thompson and Montana came in, taking some leftovers and asking if you wanted to watch Ghostbusters. 

"We'll be out in a bit," Xavier said, gesturing to the broom he was holding. "Whoever worked in here last time did a shit job."

"Cool, we'll be in my car!" Montana said, before scurrying out with Brooke, their arms full of popcorn, soda, and nachos.

"I'm so ready to skip this joint!" Xavier said after he finished swimming, and you switched off the first set of lights. 

"Me too. Are there any nachos left?" you asked, locking up the safe.

"Just enough for the both of us," he replied. You stood up, walking over to him, and you ended up tripping over your shoes, colliding with his chest.

"Oh shit, you alright?" he asked, grabbing you tightly.

"I'm fine!" you laughed, looking up at his figure towering over you. "I think I tripped over the crack in the floor..."

Xavier stared down at you, and you felt his hand come up and brush against your cheek. You felt your skin tingle underneath his touch. "We're gonna get caught."

"I don't care," Xavier whispered before he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours.

You held your breath as you melted into his touch. You've been in a few relationships before in your time, but nothing ever compared to what you were currently feeling. Xavier held your head in his hands, your kiss becoming more heated until you felt him pulling you towards the back, where the storage was kept.

"We're gonna get-."

Xavier cupped a hand over your mouth, pulling you into the closet before shutting the door. There was a single light hanging above you that he flicked on, and you could barely see the movie screen from the rectangular window sitting high above your heads.

"Trust me, Babe. If you're quiet, we'll be fine."

You nodded, holding onto him as Xavier pushed an empty box onto the floor, lifting you up and setting you on top of a sturdy table. There wasn't a whole lot of room. He reached over to lock the door.

"What are you doing?" You asked, kicking off your shoes. You were wearing denim shorts, and the air around you was much colder than you expected. You got goosebumps as Xavier played with the button of your shorts.

"Could I take these off?" He asked.

You nodded shyly, biting your lip as he slowly unbuttoned them, the only sound being your shared breathing and the zipper being lowered down.

"Have you done this before, y/n?" He asked, his hands gripping the waistband of your shorts.

"I've done a few things..." you said, your cheeks becoming hot.

"I'll be gentle, I promise." He said, before starting to tug your undergarments off. You lifted your hips, and he quickly let them drop to the floor. Outside you could hear the audience collectively laughing at something.

Xavier shed out of his shirt, throwing it on the nearest shelf. He wasn't overly muscular but was nicely toned. You've seen him shirtless many times over the years, but this time was different. He was beautiful.

"Are you enjoying the view?" He asked arrogantly, flashing you a smile as you instinctively crossed your legs. "Ah, spread them for me, babe." He kindly scolded.

"Of course, I am!" You respond, "You're hot, and you know it, babe."

"Cute," he winked at you, before looping his arms underneath your legs. Your breath caught in your throat as he pulled you closer, spreading your legs out for him. You could feel how wet you were against the crisp air, and you wanted to die from embarrassment at how easily you became aroused.

"Remember to stay quiet." He said, grinning at you mischievously. "You don't want to get caught."

You squeezed your eyes shut at his arrogance. "Fuck you."

The words had barely left your mouth when you felt his tongue lick a quick swipe along your thigh. You shuddered at the feeling; your stomach trembling as Xavier purposely teased you. You weren't lying when you said you have a little experience. But, you never received oral before. You gave it once, and that was it.

You let out a quiet gasp as he finally licked along your folds, your hands itching to grab onto his hair already. You refrained, lifting them above your head to keep from messing anything up.

Xavier was skilled as he ran his tongue gingerly along your folds, before pushing his tongue inside. The feeling caused hundreds of butterflies to fly over your stomach. Your thighs clenched as he adjusted his hold on you, kneeling down to push his head deeper between your legs.

"Oh, fuck!" You said a little too loudly before you felt his hand covering your mouth. You mewled and sighed against him as Xavier slowly ate you out. You always heard from Montana that it was one of the best feelings in the world, but you never imagined it being quite like this.

Nor did you ever expect to be here with Xavier, but life was crazy.

You grabbed onto Xavier's arm as he started sucking on your clit. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head when he teased your entrance with a single finger, barely testing the waters.

You were lost in the feeling when suddenly the door handle rattled. You jumped out of your skin, nearly trapping Xavier between your thighs when you heard the security guards' high-pitched voice. "Fuck! Larry must have locked it before he left."

Xavier freed himself, prepared to cover you with his body when the voice of Mason, a co-worker say, "It's fine, we'll just have to look in there tomorrow. I can't find the key anywhere."

You heard their footsteps fade away, and you and Xavier both glanced at each other, before giggling madly.

"I'm sorry, y/n," he whispered in your ear.

"It's not your fault?" You said, running your hand along his face now.

"I'm gonna go back down here now," he said, kissing your hand before slinking down your body again. You let him go, now covering your own mouth as he grabbed your legs, his mouth instantly closing over your clit.

"That's it, baby," he encouraged, his fingers once again teasing your entrance. "I'm gonna make you cum in my mouth."

Xavier continued until you were shaking so severely that he had to hold you down by the hips, almost forcing you to keep your legs open. Xavier pumped a finger inside of you, his thumb meeting your clit while his tongue teased it simultaneously.

You came in minutes, sighing loudly against your hand as Xavier cleaned you up, before placing kisses along your thighs. You breathed heavily as you sat up, quickly taking off your shirt, revealing your bra.

"Fuck, y/n," he said, allowing you to unbutton his pants, your hands fumbling to get them off as soon as possible. "You're hot."

"And horny, so please take off your pants." You begged, reaching behind you to unclasp your bra. When you were completely naked, you stared at Xavier's dick, wondering how in the hell it was supposed to fit.

"Don't look so scared, babe," Xavier said, cupping your cheeks in his hands. "Have you?..."

You shook your head, "I never got this far."

Xavier nuzzled your neck, and you wrapped your legs around him as he kissed along your skin, trailing along your collarbone before placing kisses on your jawline.

"Do you have a condom?" You asked, suddenly having an epiphany on the importance of safe sex.

"There's a box behind the pack of lightbulbs," he said, and you pulled back to look at him. "Chet told me about them, I swear."

Xavier wasted no time grabbing a condom from said hiding place, and you watched as he slid it on with ease. You wrapped a leg around his hips again, and he hugged you while he pressed kisses to your face.

"Let me know if I'm hurting you, baby girl," he whispered, and you nodded, holding him tightly.

You focused on the sound of more laughter from the audience, keeping your breathing under control as Xavier slowly pushed inside of you. He felt you tense up, holding you tightly and not moving until you encouraged him to do so.

After a few moments, you told him to move, figuring it would worsen before it got better. Xavier nodded, still holding you tight as he rocked his hips into yours, both of you panting as you grew more comfortable having his dick inside of you.

When you felt a lot better, you laid flat against the table, keeping a leg wrapped around him while he increased his pace. Xavier's face was screwed up as the pleasure coursed throughout your body. His large hand reached forward, grabbing at your breasts while you attempted to keep your moans at bay.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck," you said, trying to keep your leg from slipping off his hip.

"You're so fucking hot, babe," he said, leaning over you until you were almost nose to nose. "I want you to come for me, y/n,"

You shook your head, not wanting this to stop.

Xavier hid his laugh, increasing his face slightly. "You're going to fucking come for me, y/n."

"Make. Me." You said through clenched teeth.

Xavier laughed now, adjusting your free leg enough to easily slip his hand over your clit. He rubbed you out with his thumb, focusing on you, wanting you to come before he did.

"That's it," Xavier cooed as you finally clinched around him, crying out behind your hand as he slowed down, watching as you coated his length. "Fuck..."

You dug your heel into his skin as Xavier came, his hips stilling as he kneeled over you, kissing you deeply. You were breathless as he kissed you fiercely, hardly allowing you a break until he climbed off you.

You sat up, feeling light. "That was amazing."

Xavier grinned at you, pulling on his boxers after taking off the condom. "It's all you babe, not me."

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[hannie-dul-set]

hello its me again !! yesterday I told you I followed u bc of your love for jaemin and your funny humour but today I want to add something else, and thaTS YOUR AMAZING WRITING SKILLS !!

i just finished reading the masterpiece that is Top of the world and I'm so shaken up by the excellence of the rich vocabulary, the sentence structure and just the way you wrote the various events that happened. I'm such at a lost of words to express what I feel you have no ideas, I will never recover from the high quality of this story. it couldn't have been better than that what you delivered and I'm just so so relieved to have been able to live this amazing experience of reading such an outstanding story. I'm sorry maybe you're thinking im showering you in too much compliments but you deserves to be praised for having written Top of the world.

I will always be amazed with how people who write are able to wrote down their imagination and wow, im still shaking like.. Im so impressed by you you have no ideas 🙈

moving on, this is the first time ever since I'm reading nct fics on tumblr that I came across this characterization of jaemin, and it is a real take of fresh air in the best way possible even tho he's really such an asshole like wow the popularity did go too high in his head I was so scandalized (in a good way lmao it made me amazed) with how an ass he was and like the way he ordered around jisung ???? djjdjffjhf I- I wanted to punch jaemin so hard 😤 I wanted to dive into the story and beat his ass lmaooo im sure you too, like I was rolling around in my bed bc I couldn't stay still and laying down without reacting ㅠㅠ

I dont know at what length of words the ask can tolerate but let me tell you something before I forgot ! I realized that every situations/events you wrote had a purpose, like you didn't wrote basic actions that we would pass over without much attention, and bc of that you held our attention during the 15.6k of words and it was so much overwhelming I couldn't stop reading just to breathe lol, you kept me going for so long and I really liked it im so sad that I lived this experience and I couldn't live it again *sobs* this is so revolting I want to pat your head you did so so well 🥺

alsooooo, when you introduced yn's character in the beginning, I was kinda afraid that he would bully her physically you know, like I couldn't imagining you daring to write him being more than despicable than he was but thanks god that wasn't what I imagined fjdjfj, the way he exercised his 'dominance' towards someone he didn't know just for a seat lmao, wow he got some real balls ?¿ I was scandalized a lot fjjfjffj but I was curious too about jeno's character in the story, he was so chill (I think?) about yn's being involved with jaemin from the start and I was expecting him to be an asshole to her just like jaem, u know ? could we know your motives about jeno's character in the story ? why didn't you wrote him like jaemin?

I will speed up a little fjfjj or else I will write you 6 pages of my thoughts lmao

but yeah !! so, I really liked the contrast between how we perceived yn's outside facade and inside, like when he make her kneels in front of him, you made us look at her from jaemin's view and how she looked not so bothered by his behavior and then you switched the second after into yn's point of view and how she tried to not show her emotions... *mind blowing* 🤯 not gonna lie, I was rotting for her to not let him mess with her head but instead her doing that to him and it kinda worked fjfjfjf and then I knew the moment he was surprised about the non effect he had on her that it was the start of his fall anD I WASN'T A SECOND DISAPPOINTED

I FUCKING LOVED THE BLOSSOMING REALTIONSHIP BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM anD the slight graduation of jaemin's becoming soft to her oh my god I had hearts in my eyes. I loved every moments of this story (I loved the entire 15.6k words of it, I cherished them), but the pool scene toward the end made me go feral for a lot of minutes like the picture you implanted in my head of him in the water made me post all my thoughts (also blonde jaemin? as in, make a wish jaemin?, god I hope bc fucking damn, he was so so so hot)

I was so emotional at the end, they got together and just, being the witness of jaemin's character development was breathtaking, I couldn't stop thinking about how smooth you made it for his character development during all the story, it wasn't forced or too quick...

It was perfect

omg.... [CLUTCHES HEART]. help oh my god first of all thank you ??? for leaving such a LONG long review omg ???? made my entire day ?? week ??? HQGSBWJ IN SUMMARY THANK U AND I LOVE U FOR THIS AAAA i really appreciate it when people just ramble abt my works it just makes my drive go ⬆⬆⬆ yanno HHHH.

when i was first writing this is was like "oh gosh....is it....okay to turn jaemin this much of a dick?? IS IT??" like i was so SURE people wouldn't like this characterization of him but i literally got the reverse 😭 never expected anyone to jump with me on my asshole richkid jaemin agenda bUT HERE WE ARE....IT BEING MY MOST POPULAR FIC YET HAHSJ. i both hate and love this kind of jaemin and yes i definitely wanted to drag him down from his high horse while writing (at the same time....i will let him drag me around as he pleases too 😳).

i'm very gratified that u think its cohesive and each scene has a purpose because to be honest i didn't fuckin know where to go with this entire fic at first LMAO i was just in a richkid jaem brainrot after talking abt it too much with my friend and this was....the result 🕴.

as for jeno oh mr. jeno lee....HAGSNSK to be honest, as this fic wasn't rlly that deeply planned HAHA, i just wanted a contrast to jaemin's personality LMAO if he had the same personality as jaems....insanely egotistical god complex and all.....i think this would have turned out to be a love triangle AHAHS GM SKW. bUT— but hehe. i have another richkid fic in the dusty corners of my google docs rn. a 00’ line fic in fact HAHA so totw jaemin and jeno will be making a comeback here (ofc this is an entirely different universe but their characterizations are essentially the same HEHEHEHEHEH).

anyway !! thank u so much for sharing ur thoughts on totw ;o; 💞 this rlly made my day no joke HAHA i'm so happy to hear you liked this aaaaa. and yes. maw jaemin was the cause of all of this. something snapped in him during that era and led me to write this very self indulgent fic. thank u HAGHSKA.

[luvdsc]

hey there bub! i was going thru ur masterlist and i saw in the "about" section that u made eye contact with taemin OMG how did that go AAAAA u got to make eye contact with THE lee taemin? soo lucky :") i bet this happened prob awhile back but how was the superm concert? i'm sure it was amazing n so much fun AAAAA sadly they didn't go here in my city :( but i was able to see NCT dream live during their dream show tour and i tell you WHEW GOSH those boys are so ethereal??? like they look so good in vids and in pics but they're 1000000x better in person??? like pictures don't do their beauty justice?? gosh i could write a full on essay abt this. until now i still cant believe i got to see the dreamies live?? its feels so surreal like a dream, its crazy. i remember the lights dimming and 'dear dream' started playing in the background and i just lost it lol i was shaking and bawling my eyes out n the show hasn't even started yet djkfkjn i first noticed jisung n when i saw him the first thing that popped in my mind was: "he is SO tall and he's soso cute dear lord :")" and the way he dances, a frickin dance king?? he's rlly such a born performer. AND OHMYGOD JENO, the man is rlly WOW, ngl he kinda looks intimidating with his sharp features and smooth dance moves but his eye smiles make my heart mELT. i remember during the encore stage, the show was about to end and the boys were saying goodbye to us, jeno's face was showed on screen, he was tryna eat the confetti LMAO. renjun,, i will never shutup abt this but renjun is confirmed to be a FAIRY!! the prettiest boy :") #RENJUNFAIRYAGENDA he has such sharp yet delicate features and his aura is just so warm n comforting like he just captivates u n lures u in, and when he sings, like u can feel the emotion, hes so talented. all throughout the show, hyuck was just GLOWING (lives up to his name, fullsun uwu) . he's soso pretty n he's my bias so i literally was just in awe when i saw him, i was speechless :') he was rlly entertaining to watch n he was also so attentive to the crowd esp when he saw some ppl that got hurt, he kept telling us to move back a little. OMG HOW COULD I FORGET NANA, jaemin was soo sweet n charming and the way his eyes lit up whenever he looks at the crowd gosh my heart was abt to burst he rlly adores czennies :") jskfvkds hes also super tall lmao hyuck was tryna lift his shirt up tho and of course chenle, ngl but all throughout the concert, my eyes just keep coming back to chenle. out of all the dreamies, he caught my eye the most. like,, THE POWER THIS MAN HOLDS IS CRAZY?? THIS MAN DIDNOT COME TO PLAY!! his stage presence is crazyy ohgod esp during 119 performance, and he looks like a prince in real life. he also played the piano and i remember everyone was just in awe as he played like the whole crowd had heart eyes for him. it was such a fun n amazing experience, the boys were so amazing n talented, they rlly know how to put on such a great show. they work tirelessly n they're so good, like their voices and dance moves, srsly amazing :") ++ it so memorable cus it was my first kpop concert hehe. buying tickets were such a pain in the ass ngl it was so stressful but SO worth it 🥺 i knew jisung was tall but i didnt know he was THAT tall, idk if im just small but they all rlly look so tall JKDFSDJVFF sadly mark wasnt there :( sorry if i made this long, i just got excited and i thought it'd be nice to share my concert experience w/ u as well hehe 😅 i hope you're doing great bub!! <3

- 🐼 anon

omg hi yes, i was lucky enough to score tickets to see superm last year, and i was right up against the main stage railing !!! 🤩 so ten made eye contact and smiled at me, baekhyun also made eye contact and smiled and waved at me (he’s my exo bias and i was like the heart clutching meme when he did that), i yelled “you’re doing great sweetie” when taeyong took a pause during commentary time and he said thank you 🤧, and god taem looked at me for a good 20 seconds smiling at me and i couldn’t handle it and had to blink and look away and he laughed at me 😔 akslhflakshdfla but oh my god, lucas is so goddamn attractive irl it’s insane, and ten is sooo so pretty like i didn’t even pay attention to what they were saying during the commentary time sometimes i was just staring at ten who was in front of me and i was the starry eyed emoji (baek and ten were right in front of me, lucas was next to them), and pictures don’t do taeyong justice at all like that man is absolutely ethereal ✨✨  also!!!!! seeing ten perform his solos, hearing taeyong and mark rap irl and of course BASS GO BOOM BY LUCAS BECAME MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE WHEN ARE THEY RELEASING THAT SONG??? and i was in tears when taemin performed right in front of me like 16 year old me would be shaking in her boots if she knew she would see god taem in the flesh. actually current me was shaking askdjfhalksjdf i cherish all the videos i took so much (i accidentally deleted the entire jopping video except the mark rap part when i was trying to snip it to post to my insta story and cried rip 😭😭)

YOU GOT TO SEE THE DREAMIES IRL OH MY GOD I’M SO JEALOUS 😭😭 I WANNA SEE THEM PERFORM SO BAD!!! i keep rereading your entire experience and i’m living vicariously through you now aklshdflakjsdhfda oh my god, i wanna see jisung and fairy prince renjun perform live so bad 😭 i got to see hyuck perform three times now with 127, and he’s absolutely amazing, i couldn’t stop watching him dance like he’s my number one favorite performer in nct and the way he dances is heavenly and wonderful and his voice is insane 💖 he truly was born to be an idol 🤧💞💞 i want to write a proper response to each of your description of the dreamies but right now i’m just like no thoughts head empty just heart eyes for every single one of those boys 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 aaaa thank you for describing them all, angel, i’ll keep this in mind as i write fics :’) omg and this was your first kpop experience???? you’re so lucky!!!! 💓 also i feel with the buying tickets omg i always have to get up early and keep refreshing on every device to get decent tickets and it’s so stressful askljdfhaksd but it definitely is so worth it in the end! my only regret is opting out of seeing skz last year and going to a party instead rip and omg no need to apologize!!! it’s really fun to hear about your concert experiences, sweetpea!!! 💞 thank you for taking the time to share that with me 💘  i’m doing wonderful and enjoying my weekend, and i hope you’re having a good weekend and doing well also, angel 🐝💛✨

[secndlife]

omg i'm so sorry it has taken me so long to respond, i got lost in the sauce D:

ahhh brazil to poland sounds very drastic but also very cool (no pun intended)!!!

you deserve any and all love you receive for mmf!!! it's rly so good, i can't shut up abt it lol !

mingyu IS a malewife, i agree!! and omg plz, hoshi recording the spider mv drove me crazy lajdfalfja like SIR WATER U DOING but also, carry on :) or like in that christmas in august gose where he just sat there and watched...he's the moodmaker which is very important and necessary!

yesss after i read one last time, i read one and two small petals and that one hurt almost as bad :") i'll have to check out passion (flower), i have been slacking on reading fics lately :/

jeonghan rly is so versatile!! i love enemies to lovers fics, and he truly is one of my favorite members to have that dynamic w. you definitely made sense re: characterization! i have dabbled in writing fics and so i totally understand that. i think part of why i enjoy writing fics based off of real ppl/established characters is that it gives me a template of a character, but like you said, bc we only know part of who they rly are, it gives me a basis of where i could go/explore their personalities deeper. i feel like i just rambled so lmk if that doesn't make sense hahaha

ahhhh mmf2 i cannot WAIT i saw your post re: fights and tbh i love fights (HELP) so i'm vvvvv excited for it !!! also related to that. writing rly is hard lkadjfkldaf but that's why i commend you so much, it's not easy and on top of that, you do a pretty damn good job!

ugh gyucheol sometimes -_- they fight so much and also i want to fight them too, just put me in a ring w them and let's BRAWL (but now that you mention that they're both fire signs, this totally makes sense as i am also a fire sign LMAO)

okay so you mentioned gose, which episode or episodes are your favorites? are there any you'd want to be a part of as like a member/watch as like a live audience type thing?

i feel like we can't move on without asking what your fav title tracks are! top 5 fave tracks (can include b-sides)?

- 🍳

IT'S OKAAAAY i hope you're having some rest and taking care of yourself!!!!

ok lemme add a cut and we can continue

it was indeed very drastic tbh but i have no regrets !!! it's literally going to be two years tomorrow so WOW IT'S BEEN A RIDE.

plsssss 🥺🥺🥺🥺 it's almost at 1k notes that's absolutely insane for me like literally. bonkers luv ! it makes me super happy tho that people really like it 🥺

SOONYOUNG IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE I CAN'T WITH THAT did u see vernon saying something like that on his latest vlive THIS ONE and he's totally right soonyoung's role as mood maker is so important :/ my boy :/

one and two small petals was such a big deal to me i was so obsessed !!! passion (flower) you need to dm the author tho :/ they took it out but they were still sending links through dm hehe IT'S WORTH IT I PROMISE !!!!!!

pls e2l with jeonghan HITS DIFFERENT!! it's literally a dynamic i feel suits him sosososo much! and yes same like i have some perspective and something to roughly shape it but i can also "play" with it as i go and according to what suits me. AND YES ALL OF IT MADE SENSE AND I TOTALLY AGREE 🤝

THE FIGHT SCENEALKSDJAKLAD me the other day: no mmf couple doesn't fight. also me: writes a LONG LONG scene on them fighting. i'm excited tho bc i think it's a necessary scene that adds a lot to soonyoung's character and his vulnerability bc mc's shows more in mmf and now it will be a moment for Him you know.

OMGGGG A FIRE SIGNNNNN!!!! I LOVE FIRE SIGNS !!!!!!!!! WE'RE THE BEST PLS!!!!!!! i really really love gyucheol they're so fun i love them. my friend were writing me a poly gyucheol au where i'm their gf it would be a crazy dynamic aksdjaksjkf bc i'm literally like cheol so i think it'd be so fun

OMG GOSE i fucking LOVE the playground gose that one makes me so happy it's literally a serotonin boost. i also love the ttt ones i would love to be on the hiperrealism one bc i'm 100% sure soonyoung throws up from drinking when he goes upstairs so i would like to be there for confirmation !!! i also love bungee jump even tho i would never do it. and don't lie 1 and the tag !!!!!!! HBU???

ok this is HARD. but. uh! second life (WHO WOULD'VE KNOWN), home (i have a tattoo written "i'm your home" hehe), ah! love (they did it all for me there really), together (PLS THIS SONG MAKES ME SO HAPPY AND NOSTALGIC IT HITS DIFFERENT) and odihtd (this was one of the first svt songs i really really liked it). but this is so hard tho their discography is so good !!!! hbu share yours !

[hatsukeii]

I love your matchups could I have a Haikyuu one please? I'm a 5' 3'' female with red hair and freckles. I’m an outgoing person and I’ve been told I have a "yellow aura". I’m often the person people go to when they’re having problems and one of my goals is to always make people laugh. I'm loving and caring with my friends and families and especially so with my significant other. I enjoy theater and signing. I can to have a bit of a temper and can be very “fiery” when angry. Thank ya in advance!

Whoo! I finally got to doing yours haha, here it is, sorry to keep you waiting!!

Your matchup is:

🌊Kageyama “BOKE HINATA BOKE” Tobio🌊

Wow, this was lowkey hard lmao

Okay so, we all know Kageyama as the closed off person of the show, after Tsukishima. He didn’t have that great of a childhood, and he was publicly humiliated and betrayed by his own teammates. You were one of the first people to reach out to him when he got to Karasuno. Your goal: To make this boy laugh wholeheartedly at least once a week. You followed him around during lunchtimes and breaks, refusing to leave his side. You would ask about his day, his training, his friends, everything. At first, he refused to answer any of your questions, even going as far as calling you an “irritating critter.” However, he got used to it after a week or two, reluctantly answering them. With time, he softened up to you, and you two managed to form a pretty solid friendship with each other. I mean we all knew what was coming. He caught feelings, and so did you, you two started dating.

Now, Kageyama is a boy of many worries. He’s been betrayed before. He’s lost a lot of people he trusted and held near to his heart. You know, our blueberry boy gets sad and angsty sometimes too. No one really understands. Most people think it’s “just a teen phase.” You’re one of the only people he can really go to for advice, or even just to rant to. You’d listen to him rant for so long, but still hang on and pay attention to every single word he says. He loves that you are able to dig into the words he say, and find the hidden conflict buried deep inside, and give some insanely good advice along the way too. He appreciates those little rant sessions with you, and wouldn’t trade them for the world.

You being fiery is a huuuuuge turn on for him. You’re usually super friendly and cheerful, overall chill vibes. You don’t tend to lose your temper, and you like to calm everyone down and talk it out rationally instead of argue like a bunch of brats. However, when you get super pissed and lash out at people, it’s like he’s looking at a completely different person. Quick witted, fierce, insanely harsh, brutally honest, wow. This side surprised him. Never did he think such a laid back person had a terrifyingly opposite side to her. Hot. Must keep this girl. 

At last, he LOVES it when you sing him to sleep. You’ll be cuddling in his bed or sth and he’ll just ask you to sing to him. Doesn’t matter what you sing most the time, but like Joji is deadass his favourite artist so you sing him to sleep with Slow Dancing In The Dark, making sure to sing extra soft so you’re not too loud. Secretly, he wants you to sing as loud as you want, but for the sake of his sleeping, this was the best he was gonna get, and he wasn’t complaining. At all.

Catchphrases:

- “Holy shit, I did NOT know you could be such a savage bitch.”

- “Babe, sing me to sleep, pleeeeease.”

- “Thank you so much for listening to my ted talk. My long, boring, annoying ted talk.”

- “Did I ever tell you how good of a therapist you are?”

Other possible matches:

Tsukishima “Like Jurassic Park or die” Kei

Hinata “I look like I’m ten” Shouyo

Kenma “I’m married to my console” Kozume

Himekawa “I may be a new anime character but I’m babie” Aoi

I hope you liked your matchup!<3