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disappearinginq · 2 months

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I’m so excited you like Steve Crain too! He’s been a favorite character of mine for years at this point, and doesn’t deserve the hate he gets.

It bothers me when people don’t recognize the responsibility that weighs on characters. They essentially lost both of their parents at the same time, and you know Steve had to be the one to step up.

This isn’t just applicable to Haunting of Hill House, of course. But I’ve noticed that fans vilify the characters that aren’t victimized as obviously / aren’t the main character.

Anyways, just wanted to share with a fellow Steve-enjoyed lol

New Bestie - same. I got into a very heated discussion about how if the Crain siblings are supposed to represent the 5 stages of grief, the fandom has Steve and Shirley switched around, because everyone says that Steve is Denial and Shirley is Bargaining.

Meanwhile, in the show, Steve spends his adult life going around not necessarily trying to debunk ghosts, but hoping that maybe this time, it will be ghosts, because then maybe his family will just be a different kind of crazy. He says his mom and his sister are sick, and they needed help. He reminds me more of Fox Mulder - the "I want to believe" vibe. But he also is in the unique position of seeing ghosts and not knowing about it. All of his ghosts are people with jobs, moving around the house like normal people. Everyone hears the dogs at night, not just him. He doesn't hear banging on the walls, he doesn't see creepy zombies in the basement, he doesn't have his future self freaking the hell out of him his entire life. He sees his mom - and as far as he's concerned (because this is a horror show, not supernatural, the world he occupies is the one we're in - no vampires and ghosts, etc, and that is Understood) it's just the mental illness that has gone through his whole family finally catching up with him. Anyone in this world who has a family member swear they're being stalked by a faceless ghost while they're high on drugs is going to come to same conclusion Steve does, which is that they're nuts. BUT - he looks for any signs that he is wrong. And I'm still mad that they cut out part of the first episode that has Steve refusing to write about his family anymore, no matter the price, while driving by an accident where he sees multiple people standing around, but when he turns away and the camera is the only one on the accident, you only see the firefighters/first responders.

Meanwhile, Shirley is 100% in denial about everything, including what her own ghosts were. In her House Nightmare at the end, she even denies what actually happened - in her version, she doesn't have an affair. The House actually calls her out on "But that's not what happened, is it?" When Steve is doing CPR on his dying brother, Shirley's first words are "This isn't real". She denies Luke from going to Nell's wedding. She denies that their mother had anything wrong with her, she's in denial that she's running her own business into the ground, she's in denial about the death of the kittens, she's in denial about ghosts too - even though she has much more explicit contact with them with the knocking, and with a witness both times (Theo). She's in denial about the night that they had to flee Hill House. Like if she says it often enough, then it will be true that her family is fine and nothing is wrong.

Sorry. Long rant. But I love this character and this show so much and no one ever wants to talk about it (except @amandagaelic, and she has listened to me for literally hours at this point). One of these days, I will actually finish the Haunting of Hill House fic I have, and it will be posted.

We might all be dead from old age, or so senile we don't even remember the source material, but I'll stipulate in my will that it has to be posted. :-D

AND YES - people have a weird habit of like...picking one character to defend and that's the end of it. No one else can do any right and that character can do no wrong. I see it in Yellowstone fandom a lot. Or in Marvel (the Steve/Tony argument made me leave it altogether). I don't know if it's because fandoms are now predominantly younger, louder/more obnoxious from the safety net of internet anonymity or what, but Seeing Things from Someone Else's Point of View seems to be a lost art in both media and reality.

#thank you for coming to my TED talk #about haunted houses #and how people don't understand characters #I will talk to anyone who wants to discuss Steven Crain #Steven Crain my beloved #the poor older sibling who is the only one who actually wants to address issues #versus sweep them under the rug or just ignore them #and that poor baby unravels FAST after he sees Nell morph in front of him from his sister to a ghost #and I have a theory that's how Steven sees the supernatural #like it's everyday things until someone tells him otherwise #because Nell didn't change until his father told him she was dead #and as reality sunk in Nell morphed #and never looked human again #steven crain #haunting of hill house

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mcl-alloveragain · 2 years

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HEADCANONS

Your favourite ways to spend time with each other✨✨✨

Hellooo! While we are still waiting for the 2nd episode of Armin's AL, I wanted to focus on something other than that and maybeee post my headcanons for the very first time!! 🥰 I actually wanted to try it for a while now, but only recently i made a proper tumblr account and then this sideblog to actually have where to share it lolololol

Boys sorted alphabetically 👉🏻👈🏻

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ARMIN🎮

Playing video games is obvious, but it's just so true. Even if you weren't very passionate about them at the very beginning of your relationship, he tried his best to make you like them more and eventually successed. You started with something simple, like Minecraft, when you were mostly picking up flowers for him and making farms from tutorials and he was taking care of everything else, fighting monsters included. And the sims, oh god he was actually jealous about the sims, because every time you came over and he let you play on his computer, you would NEVER leave, too focused on making a lot of fucked up scenarios with the little people you made. Then of course he convinced you to play LoL and you were officially lost. He made you a gamer girl. You also like to watch as the other one is playing, and it's about both you and him. He had the time of his life, observing how you struggled with some missions in CoD.

You both are very competitive, so your everyday life is literally based on dares. You LOVE to challenge each other, no matter if it's something silly or not. Who will wash more plates while doing dishes, who will cook better omlette, who will clean the house faster. You also use bets to motivate each other ("I bet 5$ that you won't finish writing your essay in a five days" "DEAL"). It works so well for you tho.

You have this thing, some kind of game going on for ages, where you randomly say random pick up lines to each other. The cheesiest the better. You guys can spend hours on researching them, just to find the best ones to try them. It started already in high school, when he actually said to you "Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes." He made you laugh so hard and then you asked him if he was a parking ticket, because he have got 'fine' written all over him. You were exchanging pick up lines all day long until you run out of them and since then, everytime you read, hear, find something new, you literally run to say it. It's been YEARS by now, you guys heard almost everything.

Everything is about games. And the most dangerous one you played so far (and you enjoy it way too much, tbh) is about annoying Rosalya. Annoying Alexy is something you do everyday, but when it comes to your other bestie... Let's just say, it's a suicidal thing to get under her skin. Yet you still do it. Especially when you are asking her for help with your cosplays (Yes, you do still cosplay!!! And as you grow more confident with your body over the years, you do it very often now, on every occasion possible). Teasing her, pretending to not like something, bother her when she was sewing, not standing still when she measures you... You guys got into lots of troubles. She threatens to never help you with anything, but she loves you too much to keep this promise.

Armin used to hate any outdoors activities, especially in high school but you actually loved them and tried your best to convince him to do them with you, just like he was with his games. And you succeeded in convincing him to only ONE thing, which happened to become your routine by now. And it's ✨bicycling✨. No, I'm not joking, he actually enjoys it just as much as you. It's not as exhausting as running and you usually race along forest path, cause competition makes it even funnier. Yeah, as I said, you guys are REALLY competitive. But you're just glad he likes it, it helps you both to keep in shape and it's good for your health. (And Armin compares you both to music video from Worlds 2020 all the time.)

You also menaged to take him to karaoke night once! And that once became your every friday, because even tho you both suck at singing, so are other people and the bar you go to has best drinks. You often invite your friends with you, too, but it's still mostly your thing. You make you and him sing disney couples's duets, he makes you both sing the creepiest songs he can find. He loves when people hear you guys dueting shit like "An Unhealthy Obsession" and just staring at you, concerned about your song choice. And everything your voice lacks is fixed by the performances you guys made, because you are always making it spectacular and never boring, basic singing. When on scene, you act like true musical actors.

CASTIEL🎸

From the most obvious ones, concerts. But not just any concerts, and not you favourite bands's (even tho you love those to, of course skksks). You have this habit of checking out every beginning groups in your area and, if you got time for this, you can even go to the concert somewhere far away just for a bunch of teenagers who have no idea what they are doing just yet. And it became both more and less fun after Crowstorm actually became famous. Because now while you do it, there are often many tears. People cannot believe their idol has listened to them playing, Castiel still (even after 100th time) cannot believe he actually inspires young musicians and you cannot believe how happy watching it makes you.

Watching disney movies. But if you tell anynone, he will deny everything. And yeah, The Lion King is still his favourite movie and you watch it just as often as yours, which is The Little Mermaid. You both prefer old versions over live actions remakes and you both know every single song by heart. And he plays your favourites for you all the time, sometimes even when he's on stage (and a bit drunk) he dedicates you "Under the sea". Ohh, and did I mention, one of your nicknames is 'my little mermaid'? That's also your contact name in his phone...

Roadtrips. You both like to drive and you switch often. When one person is driving, the other one is in charge of the music, so you don't really mind which one is doing what now, both positions are good. And your dog enjoys those too, so you are always taking him with you. And you sing together, laugh, stopping only for toilet breaks and to get fast foods. The driver is always fed by the other person, it's a rule.

I like to imagine you guys living somewhere near the beach, maybe even in close neighborhood with Rosalya and Leigh because damn, beach is your favourite place in the world. You spend HOURS just lying on the sand, throwing each other to the water (you actually menaged to pick him up and carry there once!) or just playing with Pancake just as you did with Demon when you were still in high school. And when you choose a place to go on vacation, it's always somewhere near the sea or ocean. Another reason why you're his little mermaid 🥺

And I don't take no for an answer, Iris and Castiel stayed friends after high school. They don't see each other often since she moved away soon after graduation, nor they text too much, but they are always sending each other small gifts on certain occasions and all. And she always invites you over when the three of you talk and no gonna lie, weekends at Iris are one of your favourites! You also always take some time in the summer to visit her for longer, a week or so, and she and her husband are visiting you guys too. The four of you are great friends.

And when you so tired you want to take a break from everything, you are always welcomed on Lysander's farm. And you take this opportunity a loooot. He actually has enough of you two sometimes. But you're not just lazily laying around, no, no! You are actually helping him with work he has there. It was a mess at first, but after a few longer visits, you actually learned most everything. Everything you needed, at least. And Cas finds it extremely relaxing. The farm is so quiet after months spent on concerting and rehearsals, quieter than a crowded beach, so much quieter than a busy city. Pancake is always coming with you, obviously, and yeah, this dog loves Lysander way more than you both. If you had left him there, he probably wouldn't even notice your disappearance and he's always sad when you leave. Lysander likes Pancake, too :)

KENTIN🐕

He is fit. And his favourite activity is jogging. We all remember how running with him in high school ended, but you are way over it now. You surely struggled at first, but you were stubborn, so you never gave up and now you are running together. You will probably never be able to run as fast and as long as him, but he tries his best to adapt to you. And when you're done, he just do another round on his own. But anyways, you just like it, the fact that you spend your every morning this was... It's just comforting, having the same routine. You also like to shower together right after...

Roadtrips! It's hard to live a van lifestyle if you don't like them, tho. But it's just... Something different. You don't like to drive too much, you prefer enjoying the views or reading to him. Damn, he adores it when you read something out loud, even if it's something connected to your studies. The sound of your voice is so relaxing to him, it helps him focus even more. He also loves your smile when one of the dogs, usually Muffin, comes to sleep on your lap so you can pet it. Your roadtrips are not loud and entertaining (like Castiel's), no, they are quiet, relaxing, kind of lazy. But you both love them this way.

You're obsessed with sightseeing. You travel all the time, that's true, but you don't have much time together when you stay at one place, because he works and you are studying. You might think he's exhausted after work and that's partially true, but he's never too tired for sightseeing. He wouldn't care so much if not the fact how excited you are, especially with things connected with the history of art. And he loves to make you happy. You can do this for hours, but thank God, you're actually considerate and you let him rest after watching just a few things. There's always tomorrow, right? You only become bossy about it when you know you're leaving soon, but he usually doesn't have any work anymore and you have all the time of the world.

You share passion for photography. No, really. You already knew he actually became really passionate about it. He makes the best photos. That's the main reason why his Instagram account got so popular. But for you, photography was a new found hobby. It started innocently, he was asking you to take his photos from time to time and any of you didn't actually noticed how much fun it was for you. He realised it first when you were asking him about taking photos of him more often, suggesting your own ideas for scenarios and poses, sometimes asking if you could borrow his camera. You knew you liked taking photos but Kentin helped you to know how much you really did. He just saw it in your eyes. Now you have got yourself your own camera and the van is full of pictures taken by you. Sometimes some of your work even ends up on his instagram, but most of those photos are still his. Maybe you should open your own account...?

You bake together. Well, at first you were the one baking. You knew how much Kentin loved cookies, so you learned loads of recipes for them, so you could have homemade ones from time to time. What you didn't expected was his enthusiasm when he caught you in your parents's kitchen when you were just about to start. He was so excited to help you, it was so cute!!! And it just became your habit to bake everything together. It often ends with you both fully covered in flour and a huge mess, but you don't really care. You hate cleaning it tho, but since he does so too...

Last but not least, you both are passionate about extreme sports. Or maybe passionate is a too big word...? It's not like you guys are doing things like that often. But it happens and doing crazy things together makes your endorphins high. Skydiving, bungee jumping... You love this adrenaline rush. But only once in a while, when you have loads of time or just the occasion to try something new... Yeah. Kentin is always a bit worried about you, tho. Not like it changes anything, he just can't help but be concerned something. But he would never try to stop you, like, he loves to do all those things, too. And share every moment with you.

LYSANDER🖋️

You both love when he's singing. He has amazing voice, yeah, we all know. But what we don't know is that he developed a habit of singing you lullabies to sleep. The first time happened already when you moved in with him on farm and you got a bad cold soon. And when you're ill, you're awful. You need full time attention and you literally act like a moody 5 years old. He once told you so and you asked him for lullaby half-jokingly. Never expected him to actually sing you and totally never expected you would like it so much. He makes you fall asleep immediately (and you used to have a lot of problems with it before). You love listening to his voice before sleep, he loves to sing for you, so it's perfect. Sometimes he reads you his poems instead on singing, too.

Hear me out. Horse riding. Do I have to say anything else? You have your own horses actually. They need a lot of care, but you guys do just fine. You were always fascinated by horses and you even used to go to the horse farm quite often when you were a child, so yeah, having them on your own is like your dream came true. You like riding horses especially at sunset on warm summer days.

And walks, damn you love walks. Just as much as horse riding if not more. You were already often going on walks back in high school, everytime finding beautiful places around the city. And now??? When you live in such a lovely place, with amazing surroundings??? You may know every single place here but you will never ever get bored of it. When you have more time to spare, you're preparing a picnic at the end of your destination 🥰

He doesn't really like to drive. It's not like he hates it, but his tendences to lack focus are just making it difficult to him when he has a busy day or a great idea that must be written down right away. On the other hand, you love to drive! And you're actually a great driver, so you're the one who's driving him everywhere if you only have time. And he likes being your passenger, he feels safe with you at the wheel. It's a relief for him that he doesn't have to do it, and you're glad to help, even if it's a small thing. He won't talk much during unless you make him to because he doesn't want to distract you. And when you guys drive to the town, he usually uses this four hours to write. Your rides are quite peaceful, just like your whole life, and you enjoy them this way.

Knitting is your new discovered hobby. Rosalya teaches you both to do it and you're getting better and better at it day by day. He's actually progressing way quicker 'cause he's way more patient than you and he has always had talented hands (remember sculpturing in hsl??) and you are SO jealous, but you're doing just fine, too. And you both knitted each other cute, ugly sweaters for christmas. Adorable.

Cooking together. It's actually something you do better than him, even tho his cooking is, indeed, amazing. You love to try out new recipes together and you own several cookbooks! I also like to imagine that when you guys have kids, cooking becomes a family activity. Everyone has their own task to do. It's like, a tradition. Even when Leigh and Rosa visit, they have to join you. The more the merrier. I guess i have this headcanon because of how much his AL paid attention to his cooking?? I just couldn't stop thinking about how cute it would be if we joined him sjsjjswkwj🥺

NATHANIEL🐈

Hear me out. Drums. Like, don't tell me this boy literally learned playing on them so fast he insulted every drummer in the universe, took a part in amazing concert (and he liked this experience very much) only so it can be never mentioned again. I'm still mad about it, but fortunately I can change it now and I will, because after moving out from his parents HE ACTUALLY BECAME MORE INTERESTED IN MUSIC. And how you are connected to it? Well, by coincidence, after the concert you started to learn to play guitar, inspired. And when you guys found out about each other hobbies, you began to play together. It was horrible at first and you had to take your time to sync up, but eventually you managed. You guys don't have a band nor performing anywhere. Nah, not even care about that. You just have SO much fun (especially when annoying your neighbors).

Playing Video Games. I haven't played LL (maybe i will someday, idk) but I've seen the illustration when you guys played video games with him and I LOVE the concept. But about the headcanon itself. It started in high school. You were always something around a gamer girl AT LEAST, so when you heard that Armin actually got Nathaniel to start to play, you were super excited for it. And Nath got excited when you started to join them. It wasn't long before you started playing just the two of you. Often. Like, very often. It's hard to say if it's the games he likes this much or if it's just an excuse to spend more time with you. But he's good at it, damn, this boy is good at everything.

Reading, reading, reading. Reading for each other or with each other. You don't care. Sometimes you just lay in bed together, everyone reading their own book, sometimes he reads for you or you read for him, sometimes you share one book and read it at the same time. Yeah, mostly detective novels, some things just never change. But you actually convinced him to a few romances!!! Only those with uniquely outstanding plot tho. And you read almost everyday.

Your favourite summer trip is camping!! You go camping quite often, actually. Conversations by the campfire, sleeping in tent (or even under the open sky if it's warm enough), stargazing... It's your thing. And it's something he was super excited to do for the first time since his family wasn't exactly keen of spending time in nature. You have a few of you favourite places you come back to from time to time, but you also like to explore. And this motherf****r just loves to tell you scary stories before you go to sleep 🙂🙃 (He has to deal with you screaming in sleep afterwards tho :>)

You started boxing because of him. Watching him do it, it just made you curious about it so much you had to try. When you asked him, you thought he won't be very pleased with that idea, but you couldn't be more wrong! This boy got so excited to teach you! So much that he actually overdone it a few times, going beyond your limits. But well, now you're a pro. And your joint training sessions are full of laughter.

He hated this idea. What idea, you ask? Well, you did something very, very bad... You signed you both up for a dance classes. Without talking to him first. Paying in advance for the first three months. He was so annoyed when you told him, but he couldn't say no. And it was great! You loved it so much! And he actually had a good time, too! Three months became six, then a year, two... You enjoyed it too much to ever stop. He will never say that out loud, but he honestly thinks it's one of the best ideas you have ever had.

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#my candy love #mcl #mcl headcanon #my candy love headcanons #mcl armin #mcl nathaniel #mcl kentin #mcl castiel #mcl lysander #mcl candy #mcl headcanons #mcl high school life #mcl hsl

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lazuliquetzal · 2 months

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thanks @bobafett for the tag i love tag games SO much

How many works do you have on AO3? 38! Huh! I don't know what I expected? (If you wanna be exact, it's actually 41 because I have 3 joke fics posted anonymously.)

What’s your total AO3 word count? 653,468

What fandoms do you write for? Whatever I'm into at the moment? Right now it's God of War. Earlier it was Linked Universe. Before that it was Daiya no Ace. But I'm not particularly loyal, it's literally just whatever idea that manages to stick.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Reflection -- a classic AA Batteries -- my beloved Dawn of the Fourth -- *evil cackling* ain't no rest for the wicked -- oh my god do people still click on this Denial and Deterioration -- I SWEAR I'M STILL WORKING ON IT I ACTUALLY ADDED TO THE DOC LIKE 3 DAYS AGO

Do you respond to comments? I try to! I try to catch every comment, but if a fic is on the older side and the comment isn't super long, I sometimes don't reply. Not because I don't like the comment (i love all comments i love you all) but because if a fic is not fresh in my brain I don't have much to say

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? DO NOT READ IT, but it's the shadows we cast. I was fifteen. I'm not linking it on here. It's still on my AO3 because I'm not a coward, but I'm also not very brave, so like, don't read my high school fic, you've been warned.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably Candid? That one is SUPER fluffy, which is not normally my style, but you know, sometimes you just gotta flex your fluff muscles,

Do you get hate on fics? Eh, not really. I've gotten a few negative comments, but mostly from FFN, and I honestly don't even count those lol.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? No. I genuinely wouldn't even know where to begin.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Nah, crossovers aren't my thing.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? I have seen a fic that was very blatantly referencing one of mine, but I don't really consider that stealing.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Does the absolutely insane crack fic written on the tail end of a 29-hour voice call count?

What’s your all time favorite ship? Hmm. I read a lot of Merthur, but that's mostly because the Merlin fandom tends to be really good, and therefore there's a lot of good Merthur (although I do like Merthur a lot, super Shakespearean, only valid soulmate pairing I've ever seen).

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? If I abandon a fic, I'm going to make an announcement. If I haven't officially abandoned it, it's still fair game. That said, Replication is like, on the lowest of low priorities.

What are your writing strengths? It comes with absorbing plot structure into your personality, but yeah, I'm a kick ass plotter. Also comedy. That also comes with the plot structure.

What are your writing weaknesses? Atmosphere/description. Worldbuilding. Also to a lesser extent, character voice -- I feel like I eventually default to everyone just sounding like me

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Depends on context, but it's always through the lens of "how does this effect the experience for the reader?"

First fandom you wrote for? I wrote a Star Wars fanfic when I was like, 9. First fanfiction on PURPOSE was for PJO.

Favorite fic you’ve written? I think the best thing I've written so far is DotF, but my favorite is probably The Disappearance of Narumiya Mei. WHICH I'M ALSO STILL WORKING ON, life just got REALLY WEIRD and I had to take a step back from it RIP

Tagging @tavina-writes, @ellie-tarts, @lieutenantbiscute, @aoryuucchi, @bytebun, @mimbotomy (no pressure if you don't want to!) and of course anyone who feels like doing this

#lazuli talks #i started writing disappearance for the Fun and then suddenly i had a bit of an irl love life which terrified me into putting it down #i have so many feelings about aroace narumiya mei it's so insane actually #this is definitely a case of 'lazuli in her echo chamber' but the fact that the widespread fanon of narumiya mei is NOT aroace offends me #do you see my vision #re: candid -- it's a very excellent textbook example of sports anime fluff #it is the middle slider of sports anime fluff. you can tell i edited it to be the middle slider of sports anime fluff bc it is exactly 10K #re: the insane 29 hour voice call crack fic #you can ask me about it. i won't be able to say anything though.#re: the anonymous joke fics. one was for april fools and the other was the greatest prank i've ever pulled off #solar if you're ever reading this i love you

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bsdndprplplld · 10 months

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21 VII 2023

oh god I haven't posted anything personal in a very long time

I've been super busy with exams, essays and then my thesis, all I did was sleeping and studying

I defended my thesis 40 minutes ago! it's done! in two months I am starting the master's degree program

this was probably the most brutal exam session I ever had lol it started a month ago and I had no day off since. after finishing my normal exams I've been working 12 hours per day to complete my thesis and thanks to my advisor who was working just as hard as me, we did it

I was so close to failing differential geometry. the exam was really bad, probably my worst ever. the questions were mostly about this one topic covered during the last class – we discussed maybe 3 problems and the professor decided that this is good enough lol basically we were supposed to read his mind and guess what else there is to learn. I scored 35% and apparently that's more than enough to pass – the grades go from 3 to 5 and I got 3.5, so that's literally "more than enough to pass". there were only 3 people who scored 50% or more, so yeah, that seems fair

that week of studying differential geometry was the most stressful week in the last 3 years, I fucking hate it when it's unclear what I'm supposed to learn and I have no idea how to do it. thank god I passed, I don't know how I would do it again before taking the september exam

anyway, I passed algebraic topology, number theory and algebra 2 with flying colors and the reviewers really loved my thesis! they strongly suggest publishing it, but I think I will try to finish the second part of the proof before I do that

I already found the advisor for my master's thesis, of course I don't know what it's gonna be about, but since I had some algebraic topology this year, I am thinking it's time to learn algebraic geometry now

sweet jesus it's finally over, I can't believe it. and something new is starting

#mathblr #studyblr #math

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siriuslysatorusimping · 6 months

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Hi hello, so nice to talk to you, Kiko!

This is going to definitely sound weird, but do you have any advice for an ongoing Ao3 writer? Pretty sure I'm not the only one here writing Gojo/OC stories or fluffy one-shots since they're so addicting lol.

But it's strange to be so obsessed with writing with so many ideas and time and energy to write, and then it feels like you're in a bit of a slump when that rush of creativity sort of slows.

You mentioned before that you had most of the story for AL mapped out and written, did it help you to plan ahead more before posting? Or was it more of a, "I didn't worry about it too much because it was fun to write and we're all Gojo simpls" kind of a deal?

Anyhow, would love to know if you'd be alright talking about it. Have a good day~

Hiiiii! It's nice to talk to you, too! 😊

Gojo fluff is addictive and I honestly have been rereading Physical Paradox installments today because I need fluff and motivation 😂

Hmmmm, advice for AO3 writers? Honestly, I feel like I'm a bit under qualified for that because I'd been an anon reader for over ten years until July when I finally created an account so I could post Another Level 😂😂

BUT, I do have a few thoughts. I'll try to keep these as simple as my over-explaining ass can 🫠 (Kiko did not keep it simple. I ranted and this post is hella long, I am so sorry.)

If you haven't already, you can read Another Level on AO3 💕

On writing in general: Write for you.

1) I know I've said this before, but it's true. Write as if no one else will ever see what you're writing to begin with. That's how I started with Another Level. I never intended for anyone else to see it when I first started. On the flip side of this though, don't be afraid of bouncing ideas off others.

It's likely vain of me, but I genuinely enjoy reading my own writing. I try very hard to make sure that what I'm posting is something I enjoy reading. But it makes it so much easier to write if you enjoy reading it, because you're just as excited to read it and see what happens as someone who isn't in your head.

2) I think that something really important for when that creativity slows in one area, don't force yourself to keep going if you don't have to. Hobbies are supposed to be fun, not an obligation or a stressor.

Once the joy fades from a hobby, it's no longer a hobby.

Think of it this way: since May of this year, I've written around 300k words for different fanfics. If we look at that from the perspective of a single-spaced, 12pt font perspective, that is 300 pages. I've written the equivalent of a gosh dang Dissertation. But here's the difference between Another Level and a Dissertation: writing and researching for Another Level was fun. It was something I wanted to do.

(We'll ignore the fact that I didn't have to teach classes and grade papers simultaneously as well. I do and don't miss grad school And honestly, I miss teaching. But academia can kiss my ass.)

3) Write what you want to write, not what others expect you to write. This isn't your job. You aren't being paid for a word count or hours put in, you're doing this for you and for fun. When you let other's expectations drive you instead of your own desire, that happiness is fleeting and it's easy to burnout fast.

4) Follow your inspiration fairies, even if only briefly. You don't have to write out an entire universe, and you don't have to keep what you write. But sometimes you have to get rid of the brainworms to make room for other ideas. I've realized that a few of my Goinko 'au' ideas are literally better just as little headcannons or blurbs and nothing more. And that's okay, because now I got them out of my system.

5) If you want to write and finish a series, only post for that series. I'm learning this the hard way right now with Gokduō and Physical Paradox. It is really hard to focus on one or the other because I feel an odd pressure to get the next parts done for both, which is completely the opposite of what it should be.

The pressure drains my creativity, and I've found myself struggling because I'm too worried about what people will think of it instead of what I want it to be. In all honesty, I had a moment today where I almost decided I don't want to finish Gokudō because I'm not sure where to take it, but I realized I just need some time away from trying to force myself.

6) If you're unhappy with it, don't be afraid to scrap it. Use it as a starting point if you want, but don't get too attached to it if you don't like where it's going. Take a step back and ask if/how it's getting you where you want to go with that work, and if it doesn't help you get there, then it can go.

What was my approach with Another Level? (includes JJK Manga spoilers)

I'll elaborate a bit more on how I had things mapped out before I started posting first. Essentially, when the Gojo/Sukuna fight started in the manga, I just knew Gojo was going to die. In my mind, there was no way Akutami would let him live, and I was in a really bad place mentally and wasn't sure how I'd be able to handle it. And then I was like "wait, that's literally why we have fanfic, I can keep him alive as long as I want."

So, I started Another Level with the intention to keep it to myself and use it as my own comfort fic to prepare myself for Gojo's death. Some behind the scenes info: a version of the dream Rinko had in Split Bluff was the very first thing I wrote for Another Level. Except it originally wasn't a dream, it was going to be their reunion. However, they weren't as close, they were solidly friends with benefits who barely knew each other. Then, I wrote a part where Rinko first meets Yuuji at the Goodwill Event and she was Maki's legal guardian and still a teacher at Kyoto Tech, then I went further back and wrote her asking Gojo to get Maki enrolled at Tokyo Tech, and then I went further back and wrote Make a God Bleed.

As you already know because you've read Another Level, none of those stayed the same because then, as I kept writing, Rinko took on a life of her own. She became so much more than just a random OC that I threw together without thinking. And I have to say that I'm so glad she did because I'm not sure I would have been able to deal with 236 without Rinko. Some people have said Rinko helped them, but she's helped me so much as well. I mean it when I say she's cemented herself as my favorite original character that I've ever written because she has so much depth and heart that I accidentally poured into her. Not to mention that she's helped me meet some really amazing people along the way.

I'm in a bit of a rut now because I was on a marathon of writing for about five or six months. I started writing Another Level in May, and while I wrote the first draft for All That I Am Is Yours probably in June or July, I pretty much completely rewrote it once we actually got there. Between May and now, I've written upwards of 300k words of JJK fanfic, not including the installments or drafts I scrapped completely 🙃

Posting schedule with Another Level:

As someone who is severely ADHD, my hyperfocus was strong with Another Level. I was obsessed. And I was even more obsessed when I realized people were enjoying reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

In all honesty, part of what kept me on a strict uploading schedule with Another Level was a desire for the validation and praise in the comments. While I had a lot written, I uploaded so quickly because I wanted to get that lil rush from seeing the comments.

Kiko is about to do a lil bit of oversharing for ya: I'd just left a job where I'd spent the last six months there with my formerly wonderful boss decided to blame me for every little thing that went wrong, and then she couldn't understand why my performance actually started to drop. I hadn't heard a damn word of positive feedback for anything I did in so long that the comments on Another Level helped pull me out of a very depressive state.

But, it quickly became unhealthy because I started to rely on them to the point where it was all I cared about. All I cared about was seeing comments on the newest Another Level installment, and when there wasn't feedback, I got all in my head about what I'd done wrong and wanted to post the next installment as quickly as possible because maybe that one would do better.

Now, this is not me saying that wanting comments is a bad thing. Feedback is very important, and it's hard to know if people are enjoying something when there's not anything to go on. But it does become a problem if it's the only reason you're writing. I've been very fortunate in that I haven't gotten comments or messages demanding updates because I've seen that others do receive those sometimes. I like to think it's because you guys are just awesome and wonderful people.

I've gotten a bit better about being obsessed with comments because I have this nice lil corner of wonderful people and I feel like I've made a few genuine friends here. (Hi Rai, if you're reading this, I hope you're doing well.)

I know that what I just described for my Another Level posting schedule contradicts what I said in the beginning, but I will say that while my posting schedule was heavily driven by that need for praise, my writing schedule was not. I was writing so much because I was enjoying myself. I was having more fun writing than I had in years. I still am, but I do have to keep reminding myself some of the points I made above otherwise I find myself falling into a rut.

THIS WAS PROBABLY WAY MORE THAN YOU BARGAINED FOR AND I AM SO SORRY 🫠

BUT I HOPE IT MADE SENSE AND THAT IT WASN'T JUST COMPLETELY FUCKING USELESS 😭😭🙃

#kiko rants #kiko's writing advice #kiko saying dumb shit #ask kiko #another level asks #goinko #gojo satoru x original female character #kurisaki rinko #rinko kurisaki fanclub #sweet asks

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sanemisstalker · 9 months

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Hey guys vent post up and coming lol //// little life update. Nothing extreme just wanted to like, speak for a moment.

I had like, an 4-8k douma fanfic that tumblr deleted so, I'm a little miffed (I greatly dislike tumblrs drafts) but its kind of fine because it was super self destructive and probably no good for internet consumption (I go to him when I'm sad, arguably to a harmful degree. It was really hot though) but it was really well written so that kinda blows.

Um, two, I will get to your requests, I swear! I have a ton of drafts saved for a couple of different asks (looking at you, lesbian in my inbox that really wants me to write mitsuri porn). All of ur asks r really good, and I giggle and kick my feet everytime i read one.

My temporary no writing is because my ex boyfriend is over, and if I'm on my phone he'll feel ignored (I am still chronically in love with him even if he's emotionally negligent, so the past three days have honestly just been torture because of like... everything about him) so I have tried to only write during the night time, but I'm usually so worn out by then that I will just knock out before I get the chance to finish anything.

You will probably get birthday smut from me around my actual birthday- idk who yet. We'll have to see. In a very douma mood rn though.

Every bit of emotional reprieve for my situation with my ex was in that fanfiction (I spent 6 hours writing it this morning before I slept, but I'm trying to have a good birthday party and not start it by crying over something so small, it is what it is). My actual birthday is later in the week but college starts back then so-

If things get a little slow that's why. I am a working college student, sanemisstalker lore drop ig. I literally only want to write demon slayer smut though, considering it's the only thing bringing me joy rn, but hey, most of us have a 9-5. I have to feed my 3 kids (my roomates)

Also, I just got into jjk (the pacing is a mess) and i really want to fuck this guy so do with that what you will. He's sexy. Mad sexy. So I might start writing for jjk? No promises.

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jfleamont · 7 months

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20 QUESTIONS GAME

Thanks @practicecourts for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 words count?

15,980

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly HP.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Rain (179 kudos), Hand Cramps (87 kudos), Rules Don't Apply (86 kudos), Do You Want To Know A Secret (72 kudos) and I Saw Her Standing There (56 kudos). Hand Cramps and Rules Don't Apply are for another fandom, though (Julie And The Phantoms).

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always. Always. Who doesn't? They literally make me so happy, they're all so nice and kind!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Definitely All My Friends Are Gonna Be Strangers, since it's set right after Halloween 1981 and it's from Remus' POV.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Either I've Just Seen A Face or I Saw Her Standing There. They're both get-together fics so I'm sure James and Lily were rather happy about that.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, thankfully!

9. Do you write smut. If so what kind?

I don't, but I'd love to. I just don't feel confident enough at the moment so I suppose I'll wait until I have more fics under my belt.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No, I even struggle writing outside of canon so crossovers are out of the questions (for me, at least).

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of and I'd be surprised if that happened. I'd be a bit flattered, though, not gonna lie (I absolutely don't condone it, of course).

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but I've considered translating some of mine in Italian (my mother tongue). However, I physically cringe if I really think about it because I don't think I can write fiction in my mother tongue. It feels foreign to me (lol). It doesn't come naturally.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Nope. I'd love to, though!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Honestly I have no idea, because I've been in so many fandoms in my 27 years of life but I guess Jily. It's weird to think about it because I've been a HP fan since I was a kid, and I had always been fascinated by the Marauders but for some reason I never thought about reading fics about them, and I've created stories in my mind set in the HP world but with different ships or OCs, and their dynamics were exactly like James and Lily's (enemies to lovers, soldiers in the war and so on). It's like my subconscious was trying to tell me something. I got into Jily fairly recently, in late 2021 and usually I hyperfixate on a fandom or ship for 5-6 months max, but i'ts been over two years and I'm still as obsessed with them if not more. Jily has been the ship I've been looking for my whole life.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

It's either my 7th year get-together canon fic I'm Looking Through You (I've posted the first of three snippets in August 2022 and I haven't worked on it since March) because it has angst and canon-typical violence and they're exhausting to write, and I have written maybe 3k but I expect it to be at least 12k and I've never written anything over 4k and I don't think I'm capable; that, or my Muggle AU All Things Must Pass, which is sad as fuck because James dies in it and I have only written two scenes and I wept like a baby (also, this is supposed to be a long one too, 10k at least, and I don't think my heart can take it right now).

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, I think. I love writing it so much, I'm usually very proud of it and I've gotten a few compliments about it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Literally everything else. I don't know how to write descriptions, they feel forced most of the time and the few times that I write something I like rest assured that it took me hours to make it work.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

That's technically my whole thing since I'm a native Italian speaker lol; I also speak French and Spanish and when they randomly appear in a fic, I can tell when they're written by someone who isn't fluent. I don't mind it though. I'd probably feel comfortable writing dialogue only in Italian, but I suppose I could try with the other two languages.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Either The Chronicles of Narnia in 2008 or something, or One Direction in 2011 (I hate myself for it now, because I don't like fics about real people).

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Ah, this is hard! Should I say Rain? I'm really proud of it because it was a real challenge, but I have a soft spot for my Blackevans friendship one-shot Do You Want To Know A Secret? and I've wanted to write a sequel to that for the longest time.

I'm tagging @kay-elle-cee, @nodirectionhome-ao3 @jamesunderwater @startanewdream @annasghosts and whoever wants to do it! I don't know if you've already been tagged and it's okay if you don't feel like doing :)

#20 questions game #jily tag game #jfleamont rambles

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luxwing · 4 months

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For the Astarion query you had and will not say any spoilers/will be normal lol.

My first time playing I missed a few companions so less choice. He's hard to miss so anyone in the same boat as me would have had more time with him. Some you can almost miss till end of act 1 so again you'd end up with him for more.

Everyone that I did get for act 1 till maybe a little into act 2 was on the same level of fuckable for me (in that I wasn't too bothered as actually went into the game not knowing the romance was that well developed)

The most romanced characters are Shadowheart, Lae'zel and Karlach. So a lot of people agree with you. I would argue its more that Astarion ticks the right boxes for the people that create stuff for tumblr and tiktok and also has a lot of content/a lot of content that is easily quotable. Then because of algorithms etc the hype train kicked off.

My hope is that it doesn't end up going the other way and he doesn't end up getting hate because of counter culture or whatever. He is a very good character, as they all are and his story is also very moving. Again without spoilers, at release there were some people grateful that they could connect with his story and felt they hadn't seen it, as it is in the game, in media before.

Astarion slowly made his way up that list for me for the following reasons

Funny

Interesting backstory that gets more we will say interesting as the acts go on

Backstory has moments of oh fuck I get that trauma

He has the ability to change either way possibly the most

He literally has the most hours of dialogue etc and a bunch of romance scenes when some characters sadly don't

Now I have done more times through the game, personally I think they all have pretty good character development and are all very fuckable as yous say.

If you held a gun to my head and made me pick 1 I would pick karlach, gale and astarion in no set order and take the bullet. But honestly the others are really pretty much just as good to me.

Now the hype is dying down I feel like a lot of convos have been moving onto other characters including wanting to fuck NPCs.

I've gotten far enough not that my character did spend a night with Astarion and it's opened up some more information about his backstory, so I'm starting to see what draws a lot of people toward him. Also, someone mentioned this on my other post, but yeah Neil Newbon's performance does so much heavy lifting that you can't help but find him a bit charming.

And God I forgot this game has three acts my ass is just now almost finished with everything in act one I'm only level 5 after nearly thirty hours oh my god

But I guess one reason people might not be fans of Astarion (not just because they're tired of the fanmedia saturation mind you) is because of his approvals. He gains approval from you being mean or snarky and from some displays of cruelty, so that might be a quick turn off for people. Ive bypassed this by leaving him at camp whenever I wanna be nice along with the other "kindness is cringe" people.

But yeah, he's a well written character, I'll agree to that. Honestly, all the party members seem really multifaceted whether for better or worse, and I actually like that a lot. I do wish Shadowheart and Lae'zel would stop trying to kill each other and make out already, tho.

Tbh I haven't seen anyone 'hate' on Astarion. Joke about him, sure, but i think I've seen way more people shit on Shadowheart than on him. Which, that's a whole nuther discussion to be had in itself, but yeah idk.

God I still have so much of the game left to do what the fuck

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bewilderedbuck · 2 years

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Spencer I know you're still watching but I am popping this ask into your box for when you finish. What were your favorite benvi moments (top 5) of the season and why, what were your top three episodes of the season, what were your favorite/least favorite storylines, and what do you think will happen in s4!

OKAY SO this is gonna be a long post bc i'm including screencaps so everything will be under the cut!!

(also i am sorry it took me over 24 hours to answer this lol)

top 5 benvi moments (the order does not matter until we get to like, 1 and 2 lol)

5: this right here in 3x03:

like, i gasped. i smacked my hand to my face. i mean, i fuckign called it. it's such a small moment, and it's not even a moment with both of them present, but i feel like it holds so much weight. because ben has known that devi is his match. he's known for so long. this wasn't even a confirmation for him, because in his head it was already confirmed. and while i desperately wish devi's card had said ben gross, i think it's important that she figured that out on her own, make the decision herself, instead of having a little piece of paper tell her. but the fact that he kept the card. because even though he knows, even though he has known, this is tangible proof that what they had (have) is real.

listen. they're both so jealous that the other kissed someone else. but it's also just so soft. idk. i love them.

3: one free boink: part 1

idk i just thought it was super cute and banter-y and lowkey flirting (because banter and teasing is their love language!!!)

2: surprisingly not number one, but number two: devi cashing in the one free boink. them coming back together is just so fucking...idk poetic to me. it beats malibu. malibu was about seeing each other in a new light for the first time, while free boink (yes i will keep referring to it as that fight me) is about returning to that and seeing each other in an old light again. while ben has been pining for devi the whole season, i don't think he thought for a single second that she'd want him ever again. the smirk here:

mirrors the post-kiss malibu smirk perfectly. one is about a beginning. the other, this season finale, is about picking up where you left off. about coming back to something that has always been waiting for you, no matter how long you took to come back to it.

1: HALLWAY SCENE. MY BELOVED. bathroom scene in 2x10 used to be my top benvi scene (yes it literally topped malibu kiss i just really loved the vulnerability in the bathroom scene) but it has been knocked down to number 2 after hallway scene. ben's hesitance at first, then just going for it, saying fuck it and telling her he wants her to stay, that he'll miss her. a lot. it's basically a fucking love confession, lets be real. as much chemistry as maitreyi and jaren have with physically intimate scenes, i feel like their chemistry shines so much more in scenes where they're being emotionally intimate. devi tries to give him an out in this scene: "You need my annoying personality to fuel your competitive drive." and he doesn't take it.

it takes major guts for him to admit that he'll miss her like that. he is being so vulnerable with her. this season gave ben such an amazing arc. his character growth was just so fucking good and i'm not over it. he's following what he wants now, not what he thinks other people want out of him. and what he wants is for devi to stay. because he cares for her, because he'll miss her, because he loves her. i don't think he's trying to get her to stay so she'll be with him; as far as he knows, she still sees him as a friend. and he's satisfied with that. he wants her to stay in his life, in any capacity, and he's not afraid to admit that anymore.

but then we get this, and everything starts falling into place:

honorable mentions:

3x02 troll shenanigans! they are just too cute like LOOK AT THEM:

3x06: "i filmed you doing something dumb for blackmail <3"

3x09: "your outfit is ugly <3"

especially since after this he doesn't banter back, he just lets it be, because he knows he has to give her the bad news.

but anyways all their banter this season was just shameless flirting even if they didn't realize it and i refuse to take criticisms on that statement

top 3 episodes:

3: 3x05. i really love these fabpax moments we get:

like this duo is so good. so hilarious but also paxton just helping her out with aneesa even though it doesn't really do anything for him in return. idk. i just enjoyed that

also the whole ben/devi kiss competition thing was absolutely wonderful and i STAND BY the point that they should have kissed each other. THEY WANTED TO.

like this here? devi you idiot he doesn't wanna kiss anyone else because he wants to kiss you!

and this. i really loved this moment, especially with aneesa going off on him right afterwards. like, ben. you fucking idiot. you could have it. you don't have to be miserable.

and then this jealous devi!

like! honey i know you don't realize it yet! but you wanna be the one kissing him!!

3x05 was just so good lol

2: 3x06. i just really love these windows we get into ben's head, honestly. and samberg's narration is just wonderful. ben's pov episodes both have been so so good, but this is probably my favorite out of the two because the growth in this one is absolutely amazing. from being overworked and burnt out because of his own self-expectations to live up to his dad's legacy, literally not pooping for over two weeks and ending up in the hospital after being carried fucking bridal style by paxton hall-yoshida himself, to realizing that he doesn't have to be perfect. he doesn't have to go to columbia or take every single class possible or work himself to the point of exhaustion. he can take breaks, he can do what he wants, he can find new passions (like art!!). his bonding with paxton was absolutely wonderful; i have been waiting on their bromance since season one and i think they'll make wonderful friends. this moment? so good. and though ben does hear it from his father later in the episode, i feel like it is so important for him to hear that from other people as well. that he's working hard and has reason for people to be proud of him.

and this scene with his father is just wonderful:

i love that howard acknowledged he hasn't always been a good dad. i love that that did not go unsaid, because it needed to be said. and ben hearing his father say "i'm proud of you," even after he admits that columbia may not be a possibility anymore, is just so so good. the whole episode just felt very....cathartic for ben's character, i think.

1: 3x10. so many reasons. paxton's graduation speech, devi telling her mom she didn't want to leave because she needs one more year with her, HALLWAY SCENE, ONE FREE BOINK. i'm not even afraid to say it: this season finale beats malibu. so fucking hard.

fave & least fave storylines:

for least fave, can i just say rhyah in general? like, obv i think narratively it fit really well esp with the whole situation culminating in nalini defending devi & assuring her that she will find someone who loves her just as she is, but i hated rhyah lol. des was fine. he was ok. i didn't particularly like him but i didnt hate him! and i really think it was important for devi to date someone who wasn't ben or paxton before going back to ben. so yeah, des was fine. but rhyah? god she was the worst. i thought she was like, okay at first, but she really turned around on us, huh? i know it was an important plotline bc it led to this discussion in devi's room:

which was definitely so crucial for devi to hear. but also i just wish devi didn't have to think that she was "too much" in the first place.

for my fave, obviously, the whole benvi arc is my favorite storyline because that slowburn was just so fucking good and i am a sucker for romance, but we already know how much i love that. my favorite storylines of this season aside from the obvious are ben and paxton's individual arcs.

i'm gonna talk about paxton's here, because he has never ceased to impress me with the growth he's capable of (and because i already have talked a lot about ben's arc in this post lol). i mean, in season one, we're led to believe that he's really just this shallow hot jock, but he just keeps growing and growing! this season was particularly wonderful i think, even moreso than last season. he owns up to the shitty things he did in the past (which is just…ghosting a shit ton of girls which like, while typical for a teenage boy, is still pretty shitty lol). he is really such a good boyfriend to devi too! (i still don't ship daxton, don't think i ever will, but it's something devi definitely needed to get out of her system) and the way their breakup happens:

him establishing his own boundaries and letting her know that he cannot be with her if she doesn't see how amazing she is just like he does, because she will continue to be insecure in their relationship if they keep going on like that. i also loved that he didn't date haley at all after he broke up with devi -- it would have felt so cheap if he did. they make really good platonic friends! and so do devi and paxton!!

i really love how this season ended with both ben and paxton admitting what they want and going for it (ben with admitting he wants devi to stay, and paxton admitting to trent that he wants to go to asu). and also with realizing that he doesn't want whatever he has going on with phoebe, because before, he did want something easy and thoughtless, but now he wants something more real -- and i don't think he'll find that with devi, because i will always believe that their relationship was too superficial to have any shot at longevity, but i hope he does find what he's looking for. not to mention all the interaction he had with other characters: el, fab, ben. it was just wonderful.

i also really loved the entirety of nalini and devi's relationship this season. they've just continued getting closer and closer as they both work around their greif and it is absolutely beautiful. nalini sticking up for devi with the whole rhyah/des situation? so wonderful. the talk they had in her room afterwards? fucking beautiful. THIS SCENE???

i will never get over it. as someone who has always had a rocky relationship with their mother, this just feels so healing for me.

season four thoughts:

i'm now leaning towards devi freaking out and ghosting ben after they...boink. but i can also see it going in a direction where ben is scared that devi isn't as serious about him as he is about her, so he avoids her and instead starts going out with margot (because he knows he wouldn't be setting himself up with heartbreak with margot -- yeah, he likes her, but he loves devi). and obv this is going to hurt devi a lot -- and honestly, i kind of like the idea of devi being heartbroken by ben for once. i want to see her pining again like we did in season 2 -- openly admitting that she has feelings for ben. and i want devi to be the one to tell ben she loves him. i feel like that's something they both need -- for her to say it out loud, and for him to hear it.

plus this interview from jaren even further solidifies my thoughts on ben and devi being endgame lol

#i have been working on this post all day omfg #it is so long i cannot #i did not mean for it to be this long!!! but my brain just would not shut the fuck up #devi vishwakumar #ben gross #paxton hall yoshida #benvi #never have i ever #nhie #nhie s3 #nhie spoilers #asks #grace <3

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farfromdaylight · 5 months

Text

2023 writing meme

i don't usually do the fic writer meme because i don't usually write a lot of fic other than longfic. but this year was an outlier, so, here we are!

Number of fics written (posted) in 2023: 23. seriously, who am i? plus 3 finished and 2 unfinished, both unposted.

Total word count of posted fic: 57,515

Total word count of unposted fic: 66,701

Total word count overall: 124,216

Worth noting that some of my posted fic this year was written during Nanowrimo last year, so the numbers are a bit skewed.

Fandoms: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake, Final Fantasy XII, Final Fantasy XIV. I did write one FFXIV/Pacific Rim crossover.

all of my fic is on AO3.

Best title: I'm really biased towards heaven can wait (WoL/Exarch), my big bang fic. I also quite like before you're burned, become the sun (Alisaie) but that's just because I've always liked that lyric.

Worst title: to believe in you (i'll try) (Cloud/Tifa). I was going for a theme across all of my Cloti week fics but I don't like that title at all...

Best first line: From before you're burned, become the sun:

The sun never sets, because there is no sun.

Worst first line: From to believe in you (i'll try):

Cloud is so different.

Best last line: From heaven can wait:

"Welcome to the First, Warrior of Darkness," he says, lifting up his brother. "Let's get you inside. We've got a world to save."

Worst last line: From to believe in you (i'll try) (seriously, I am not happy with this fic LOL):

For now, they have a reactor to take down.

Looking back, did you write more than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

Less than I was supposed to, yet more than I expected. I had various health issues throughout the year that prevented me from writing a lot (have you ever tried to write when you can't sleep more than 3 hours at a time? Yeah) but also I managed to write for two fandom weeks and completed Nanowrimo. So, not bad!

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I didn't think I'd write so many Cloti fics! I've loved the pairing for a long time but I really didn't think I would write so much. Really glad I did though. Also, I had no plans to write the Alisaie or Ashe fics and I'm glad I stretched myself and wrote them.

What’s your favourite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

heaven can wait, no contest. I still go back and reread it sometimes and just have a blast. It's a story I very much wrote for myself, and I'm really glad it's gotten a good reception.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

By kudos: amber embrace (WoL/G'raha)

By hits: love grows (WoL/G'raha)

By comments and bookmarks: heaven can wait

Deeply funny to me that the NSFW fic is the most popular. The people want what they want.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

If we ignore the fic I posted an hour ago that has literally 1 hit so far: for you, i walk on (Tifa), which I wrote for the second volume of the Tifa zine. But that's only by hits and kudos; it got very lovely comments and I had a great time with the zine.

By comments, I have 5 fics without comments at all. :( One of them has 30 kudos! Please comment on fics, folks.

Story that could have been better?

Not to beat the dead horse, but to believe in you (i'll try). It's meant to be a Remake fic, but I haven't finished replaying Remake and I only half-remember the Cloti scenes. I'm working on replaying it now, so hopefully I can add to it soon.

Sexiest story?

I mean, according to the numbers, it's either amber embrace or love grows. But actually it's one of the fics I didn't post this year. I wrote a 16,000-word fic about my WoL's honeymoon with G'raha. It is very spicy and it will not be seeing the light of day because it belongs to a non-canon AU.

Saddest story?

I don't know that I have a good answer to this one. I mean, heaven can wait is angsty, but that's different.

Most fun?

Most silly is definitely shuffle or boogie (WoL/G'raha), which was just an excuse to write a fic about Triple Triad.

Story with single sweetest moment?

PROBABLY THE WEDDING FIC, LOL. Or the denouement of heaven can wait. Or the holiday fic I just posted.

Most fucked-up story?

I wrote some vanilla-ass fic this year, I ain't got nothing for this.

Hardest story to write?

Honestly, a lot of the Cloti fics were tough. I'm not really rusty on the canon (FFVII lives rent free in my brain) but I hadn't written the characters in a pairing for some years. The Ashe fic was also tough for similar reasons: I've never written FFXII fic before. The Endwalker fic (WIP) has been really hard because it's some tough content and I've been struggling with how much of the canon to cover and how much to make up whole cloth.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

heaven can wait, which I really just had a blast with. This was last year's Nanowrimo, though, so... Maybe the holiday fic? I wrote it in a couple hours last weekend.

Did any stories shift your perception of the characters?

Not really. I don't tend to write fics about characters I don't have a firm grasp of.

Most overdue story?

Beyond the Vault, the eternal albatross around my neck. Also the Endwalker fic, because it's taken me two years to even have a WIP...

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

This year was good at helping me fight off the perfectionist tendency! I posted a lot of the fandom week fics within a week (or shorter) of writing them, and it let me chill out considerably about polish. Sometimes you can just write a fic and you don't have to go over it with a fine-tooth comb, you can just post it.

#larissafic #meme answers

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fallynleaf · 3 months

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(I typed this up for my Japanese study log lol but it was so funny to me, I figured I'd also share it here)

Okay, so...

I was looking at my Japanese study Notion library page and kind of wanted to clear out a slot for Dungeon Meshi, since I wanted to be able to track my progress with the chapter count. I’d had 女装してめんどくさい事になってるネクラとヤンキーの両片想い ("Crossplay Love: Otaku x Punk" in English) volume 3 in there since literally the day I created that page, I think. I had sort of given up on it last year because it was too hard for me to read at the time for what my level of investment was in the story, plus I got sort of busy with the translations and ran out of time/energy for manga reading projects, so I’d basically shelved that book for the time being.

I had gotten like halfway through the volume already, though, so I thought why not just read the rest of it so that I can move it out of my currently reading section? So I started reading it again and abruptly realized that I didn’t super remember a lot of the details in the story. At the time when I had started reading it, volumes 1 & 2 had been translated into English, but 3 hadn’t been translated yet, hence why I had picked it up in Japanese. Fortunately for me, though, the English translation has gotten a lot further now!

So what I did was speed-read up to the chapter I left off in English, then I finished the volume in Japanese. Hooray! I could remove it from my currently reading section!! 🎉

Except… after finishing volume 3, I wanted to know what happened next, so I just kept reading (in English) and quickly finished volume 4, then 5, 6, 7…

(You can probably guess where this is going.)

I reached the end of volume 7 and was like “aw man, I want to know what happens next, but I’m not sure if I care enough about this series to take the time to read it in Japanese… I’d rather just wait and read the English translation of this one and spend my energy on things like Dungeon Meshi instead.”

But I have spectacularly poor impulse control when it comes to this sort of thing, so just like what compelled me to buy volume 3 in the first place, of course I ended up caving immediately and buying volume 8 in Japanese, and I ended up back in the exact situation I had tried to resolve in the first place, with the series still technically on my currently reading list… 😩

Thankfully, my Japanese is better now than it was a year ago, and I can read manga way faster now, so I ended up sort of, uh, inhaling the series, or at least reading it about as fast as it was humanly possible for me to read it. In English, I can easily tear through a volume of manga in under half an hour. In Japanese, it probably takes me like 10x that.

I was on a bit of a deadline because I’m trying to stay super caught up on the TJPW translations to the best of my ability, so I had a narrow window between finishing the previous translation (for the last VOD show after the VOD went up on Wrestle Universe) and getting started on the next translation (which is for another VOD show, so I usually wait until the show gets uploaded before I start translating it, which is usually three days after the show happened).

I finished my first draft of the 2.17 show translation on Tuesday, February 20 (the day I watched the VOD), got my questions posted by early Thursday, and got it edited and published by early Friday, which was the date of the next show (with a 3-day timer after that until the VOD goes up and I need to drop everything else to translate).

So I had roughly a 5-ish day window with essentially no translation workload. I read a chapter of Dungeon Meshi, then finished 女装してめんどくさい事になってるネクラとヤンキーの両片想い volume 3, then ended up reading volumes 8-12 in Japanese basically as fast as I could because I was invested in the series and I also really didn’t want to have to stop reading to work on my translations (the surprise 2.26 press conference from TJPW happened fortuitously at the end of this period). In total, I think I finished five volumes in about four days.

…And the huge reveal that I’ve been waiting for the entire series, which is the main reason why I felt compelled to read on, still hasn’t happened 😩. Never start reading a slowburn romance when the story is still in progress… 😔

I saw at the back of the manga that the series apparently updates on the fourth Monday of every month, so I ended up finding it on pixiv, and I got there just in time for chapter 107’s release (volume 12 ends with chapter 105, so there are two new chapters available on pixiv), so I’ve now read literally every chapter currently available.

I’m in the same boat as the Japanese fans now, I suppose! Waiting a whole month to get drip fed a little bit more of the story at a time… It brings me back to my days of following webcomics as they were happening, which I was never very good at, so we’ll see if I fare better reading serialized manga.

I guess to review 女装してめんどくさい事になってるネクラとヤンキーの両片想い, difficulty-wise, I found it honestly harder than Dungeon Meshi, because even though it takes place at a high school and theoretically has more normal vocab, like every single character in the story talks weird in way that is totally different from how the other characters talk weird, and there’s far more slang and stuff written out in a way that isn’t super parseable by Yomichan (which I'm able to use on the book thanks to Mokuro). So my lookup tools didn’t account for my weaknesses nearly as well as they did with Dungeon Meshi.

I can see why I dropped it last year, because I lacked some of the grammar back then that I understand a lot better now. It’s the kind of story that is best enjoyed as easy reading, so once you take away the ease of reading, I think it’s hard to push through the difficulty in order to keep going.

Reviewing the story purely in terms of enjoyability, well, obviously I did enjoy it, haha! It’s a very unique story and it went to some surprising places in terms of the themes and story developments, considering the fact that most of the plot revolves around what I can only describe as Shakespearean comedy levels of ridiculous crossdressing drama.

The main point of interest to me was the LGBTQ themes, and I would say that it honestly surpassed my expectations there. We’re not at a point where “these characters are trans” is part of the explicit text of the story (and it might never go there), but the main relationship is gay no matter how you slice it, haha, and there’s another major character whose story reads as very much a trans narrative, and there’s a canonical lesbian couple as well.

Something I really appreciate about it is that interactions with those characters are some of the major driving forces in the relationship between the two main characters. Like, there’s a sense of commonality and shared experience between them and those other characters, and sometimes a sense of alienation and yearning at what the others have, which the main characters feel that they’ll never get to experience because they’re trapped in a situation where they can’t be their authentic selves.

A friend asked me how yuri it is, and honestly I'd say very? I don't think it bills itself as either GL or BL (and people who read exclusively either would probably both be unsatisfied with it). But to me, the core relationship and the conflicts that the characters increasingly grapple with as the story goes on feels more like the kind of thing you’d see in yuri. There’s a whole lot of yearning.

I was amused by this panel from volume 8 because there’s some slang in there and a few non-WaniKani/non-textbook words, but I’d learned literally all four of the new words from translating TJPW, including the one with a non-WK kanji in it (and two of the words were tricky translations so I remember them pretty clearly haha), so I was able to instantly read this panel without needing lookups:

If I'd timed it a bit better and waited for a 50% coinback sale on Bookwalker, I could've gotten a great deal on it lol but I was too impatient to wait fdjkghdfjkg. At least the Japanese edition is way cheaper than the English one...

#i'm currently writing a fic for it that will be incredibly annoying to 99% of the people visiting the AO3 tag because it's for the jp manga #so it's based on a bunch of canon that most of my potential readers don't have access to yet and won't for many more months 💀#barring a fan translation project appearing out of nowhere i guess. but that feels unlikely lol #Crossplay Love #~

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winglesshopeful · 7 months

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my partner and i have been scouring the entire internet for at least 25 minutes trying to find out what to do if a windows 10 system restore is stuck on a full bar finished screen, and no article or post ive managed to dig up is helpful. either its a pc website telling me "hurrbdurr boot in safe mode" (which isnt helpful bc i literally risk bricking my computer if i restart to do that), its a site saying "whoops you restarted during sys restore youre fhUCKED lol" or its like 5 separate reddit posts asking the exact same question that no one on the entire internet has answered.

there is no fucking way that nobody in the entire fucking history of the internet hasnt managed to fix this exact fucking issue, yet my only fucking recourse apparently seems to be wait for 3 fucking hours then risk bricking my computer anyway.

all of this bc my amd driver makes my pc shit itself when it needs updated instead of just fucking telling me it needs updated.

#if anyone in the entire history of the internet has a better solution please fucking reply or reblog #vent #i hate windows and i hate amd. they both suck massive donkey nuts.

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dementedfilament · 5 months

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20 Questions for Fic Writers Game

Got tagged again by @caelumsnuff! Thank you for the taggeroony toony~

I've never spoken to them before, but I see them around a lot and happen to know they have a tumblr, so I tag @aroseandacross if you want to do this! And anyone else that stumbles across it, I tag you too! :p

1 - How many works do you have on AO3?

37...oh wow

2 - What's your total AO3 word count?

147,476?! Good night!

3 - What fandoms do you write for?

Redacted Audio, Owari no Seraph, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle, Funamusea Universe, Hollow_ VA, Tokyo Ghoul, and D.Gray-Man by technicality though that oneshot isn't done or posted yet, lol. The ones I write for on the regular honestly vary depending on my mood and current devotion to the series, including the possible spite I feel towards that series, lmao. There are way more brief fic sparks I get for other series, but just never get the inspiration to go through with and end up forgetting.

4 - What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5: A Quiet, Peaceful Night 4: Vice Versa 3: A Little Help from P[izza]-chan (which literally rose to my top 3 practically overnight because the Guy fans escaped containment I guess, lmfao) 2: Branch, Like a Tree 1: Yours in Eternity, My Dearest All for Redacted Audio

5 - Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I love giving love back to the love I recieve! Admittedly though, the only comments I haven't responded to seemed more like musing aloud, and I genuinely wasn't sure how to respond, lol. Now I feel like it's too late, so I feel awkward trying to respond now, but I feel bad not doing so all the same....

6 - What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Inversion: Another Story considering all the death and bad things it leaves off on, lol.

7 -What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

To Date a Vampire, though it's more like...reader-self-insert-y I guess? But is basically pure fluff, lol.

8 - Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet! I expected to get more hate for how many OC and OC/Canon fics I write, but my fics don't tend to garner much attention over all anyways I think, so it can't reach the loud haters, lol.

9 - Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope!! I hate writing smut, I don't like reading smut that much either. I'm a fade-to-black type writer. The closest thing I'll get to writing smut is maybe writing brief instances of the off-screen smut, and there'll be a graphic sexual assault scene later in EIC (y'know, for the therapeutic aspect).

10 - Do you write crossovers?

...Technically? Lmfao. Though unfinished, Our Solemn Hour is a crossover with Tsubasa and X/1999, with many of the X characters appearing in it mostly as cameos. Embers of an Iridescent Cage is maybe a crossover between stories? Though, Decem: Anges et Demons does exist now. Burning Wings is a crossover-ish with characters from Tsubasa in a setting inspired by The Last of Us, though I didn't crosstag it in the latter fandom since the only similarity is literally just the setting. And that's all.

11 - Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I better fucking not. (No one wants my trash lmfao.)

12 - Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but that would actually be incredible if it happened.

13 - Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I am a selfish, haughty bastard and I need full reign over my stories, lmfao. Unless the other person was a similar writer with very similar ideas to me, it would never work. (Plus...I write about my FCs so often, so, lol. I personally find it very difficult to write stories about characters that aren't my own, hence the large volume of OC fic.)

14 - What's your all time favorite ship?

That's a great question. (It honestly varies depending on my mood. Mostly OC/Canon ships probably. I do still adore SuzuFeri.)

15 - What's a WIP that you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Don't make me call myself out like this-

16 - What are your writing strengths?

Hell, I don't know...I've been told I'm humorous

17 - What are your writing weaknesses?

I've been told I'm bad at making characters not suffer, lmfaooo

18 - Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I mean, if you know the language or do your research, go for it! Maybe add a footnote mentioning what was said for non-speakers if it wasn't brought up in the fic? (I don't personally ever plan for this myself for fics, but it is a small thing I plan on doing research for in my novel series, and I feel the same about original work too.)

19 - First fandom you wrote for?

OKAY SO, I think my actual first fanfic ever was a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, but the first one I posted on ao3 was for Owari no Seraph.

20 - Favorite fic you've written?

Probably Yours in Eternity, My Dearest!! I'm not saying Kalila is totally 100% a self-insert, but I mayyyy or may not have written that series just because I want to feel like Will was writing fancy love letters to me 💕

#nyssa rambles #tag game #writers on tumblr #fanfic ask game #Funamusea #Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle #Redacted Audio #Owari no Seraph #only tagging fandoms I'm actively writing for #...actively-ish #one day I kinda want to rewrite/edit my old Tsubasa fics for some contests years ago and post them on ao3

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cambria-writes · 2 years

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happy update day!

i literally finished this an hour ago, then i ran out for an errand, and now here i am. i've started work on ch9, and i'm already like 30% done.

i don't really know how many more chapters we've got to go; we're just finishing up on episode 5 in this one, next chapter stars in episode 6 so... math says we've got like maybe five chapters to go? i'm probably gonna write eight more lmao i don't know when to stop. i lied cause i almost accidentally posted the wrong chapter lmao but we still got several chapters to go babes!!

my ask box is always open, i love reading your comments, and the taglist is always open!!

...i'm gonna go fix the format of the other fics so everything's consistent now lol we love aesthetic evolution

pairing: eddie munson x reader rating: T-M, each chapter rated individually warnings: guns, active shooting, minor character death, mention of a corpse, lots of swearing, reader passes out, ADND should come with its own warning, DND references in general, kind of an anxiety attack, let me know if i need to tag anything else! word count: 3,365

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𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕾𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖓: 𝔄𝔰𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔩 𝔖𝔭𝔢𝔩𝔩

March 23rd, 1986

It takes maybe a second, but for that one second, you feel like your body’s being pulled in every single direction at once. Your stomach rises up into your throat and lights burst behind your eyelids, accompanied by the worst, searing pain. The only thing you can think of is not letting go of Eddie’s hand.

And then it stops as soon as it starts.

You’re on your knees, doubled over on the road, gasping for breath. It takes a few seconds of jamming the palms of your hands into your eyes to start seeing again. You think you hear Eddie somewhere off to your right. You struggle getting to your feet, the cold like claws digging into your muscles and your thin sweater is doing nothing to help.

When you feel for your nose, your hand comes away bloody again. Snort and spit out the blood before making your way over to Eddie. He’s at least still mostly standing, hands on his knees and trying to catch his breath. He holds an arm out to keep you away while he straightens up.

“I’m good,” He croaks. “Just need a sec.”

“We don’t have a second,” you whisper harshly, moving forward to grab him by the arm. “We need to go.” You don’t listen to his complaints as you start dragging him towards the road. “Mind the vines.”

“The hell do you mean mind the vines?”

“Exactly what I said,” you reply, picking up the pace once Eddie seems to be able to move on his own. “Your lich king uses them to track movement or something, it’s some weird kinda hive mind.”

“Hive mind? You’re kidding me.”

“Wait, hey—don’t do that!” you shout, pulling him back from one of the thicker vines by the side of the road. “You wanna fucking die in this place cause that’s a good way to do it!”

Eddie turns around to look at you and his face is blank for a second. “You’re... really not kidding.”

“Look around you, Ed! Does it look like I’m kidding?” You put your arms out and take a few steps back. “Look, actually look. Does this look like home to you?” You scoff and turn back towards the road. “Come on. It wasn’t too far.”

It takes a bit before you hear Eddie jogging to catch up with you. He stays silent while he walks to your right. You flex your fingers around the handle of the gun and keep staring straight ahead.

“So you...” Eddie trails off, walking a bit closer to brush your shoulders together. “You’ve been having nightmares about this place the whole time?”

“Yep,” you emphasize the P with a pop. “November 1983.”

“Wait, isn’t that when the Byers kid went missing?”

You hum and shrug, take a second to jump over a particularly large vine crossing the road. “Yeah, well. Everything kind of all went to shit from thereon out. Clearly,” you motion vaguely around young. “It hasn’t stopped.”

“So like, how much further?” Eddie asks, and the nervous edge on his voice could probably be heard from a mile down the road.

You take a second to squint and try and look further down the road. There doesn’t seem to be anything for as far as you can see. You grab at Eddie’s arm to make him stop.

“It... it shouldn’t be farther out than this,” you say quietly, turning to look around. “Do you see anything?”

“Nah,” Eddie answers slowly. “I’m not... are you sure this is the right way?”

“I thought so...” you trail off.

When you turn back to face the way you were going down, you get the same creeping feeling at the back of your neck as you did earlier.

“Eddie, I think we need to go back.”

“Oh, now you’re agreeing that this is a terrible idea,” he scoffs.

You’re about to smack him when something snaps in the woods off to your left. You raise your gun and make sure it’s cocked.

“Hey, what the hell was that?” Eddie whispers, side stepping a few feet to get closer to you.

“I don’t know,” you whisper back, keeping your gun aimed at the woods but slowly stepping back. “We should probably—”

Something rushes out of the trees and skitters to a stop in the middle of the road, about thirty or fourty feet ahead of out. You stop breathing for a second, until the thing turns its head towards you, and its entire face opens up with a flower and a a deafening screech.

“Holy shit,” Eddie breathes, grabbing your shoulder and pulling you back. “take us back, take us back!”

You pull the trigger once and miraculously, despite shaking hands and the missing ability to breathe, you manage to hit the thing straight in whatever it has that passes for a mouth. It lets loose another screech before it starts running right at you.

“What the hell was that for?!” Eddie screams, dragging you back to start running. “We have to go!”

“Shit, shit, shit I’m trying!” you shout back, flailing to grab a hold of Eddie’s arm. “Stay still!”

“Are you fucking crazy?!”

You dig your heels in to make Eddie stop and pull him back to you. You can hear the thumping of the monster running behind you, but you close your eyes against everything anyways.

The sound of feet hitting pavement fades away with the screech and Eddie’s screaming. And for a second, again, you feel that weightlessness and gut-wrench. When the ground meets your feet again, though, you don’t have any strength in your legs left to hold you up and you crumple in the middle of the road, boneless.

“Fuck, fuck!” Eddie screams, and you can barely lift your head to look at him. When you do, your vision is too blurry to make anything out.

You do, however, see a body on the pavement, just behind him.

“Ed,” you whisper, pulling an arm out from under you. “Ed, be... behind you,” you choke out, pointing.

“Wh-what are you,” he starts, but stumbles back clean onto his ass after he turns around. “Holy shit,” he whimpers, twisting to look back at you. “He—Chrissy—”

“Ed,” you mumble, letting your cheek rest back on the road. “I’m gonna... I’m gonna pass out.”

“What? Wait, no, no, no—”

The funny thing about unconsciousness is that it’s not quite a lack of consciousness. It’s like you can feel and hear everything in bursts, but only in some kind of periphery.

You can feel yourself being carried, kind of, and you can hear someone talking, almost, but none of it ever feels close enough to properly register, and you can barely remember any of it a few seconds after you almost feel it.

When you open your eyes again, it’s still pitch black outside if the curtained window is anything to go by, but there’s light coming from down the hallway from the bedroom. Your whole body aches—you can feel scrapes on your legs against your jeans and your palms are burning. There’s a headache blooming behind your eyes again, and it nearly burns every time you breathe in through your nose.

When you groan and try to roll over, you entirely miscalculate how far the edge of the bed is, and fall clean off when you can’t get your legs around in time. The sound must clearly alert Eddie in whichever part of the house he’s in, because no sooner does your head meet the floor do you hear clattering, swearing, and furious stomping down the hall. You’ve managed to prop yourself up on your elbows by the time he reaches the doorway.

“H-hey, you,” you try to greet casually, but the migraine splitting your skull is making it hard to get anything else out.

“Don’t “hey you” me you fucking menace,” Eddie grumbles, moving over to reach under your arms to help you back up to sit on the bed. He crouches in front of you when you’re settled, elbows on his knees and head hanging with a sigh. “You mind telling me what happened and why you felt the unrestrained need—“ Eddie cuts himself off when his voice begins to rise and he sees you visibly wince at the volume. “Sorry, sorry. Just, what happened?”

You shrug and pinch your eyes shut. “I really don’t know. It’s like that second plane shift took it all out of me.” Eddie nods for a second, but seems to realize something and shakes his head furiously.

“Yeah, okay, that’s good to know and everything, but I was talking about that freaky dog thing that ran right for us with the venus fly trap face.”

You snort at the description but stay quiet for a second, trying to think through the migraine. “Henderson called them, uh… Demodogs? I think? They’re like the Demogorgon but quadrupedal instead of bipedal.”

You can hear Eddie cursing Dustin under his breath before he puts his hands on your knees. “Anything else you can tell me?”

You frown and shake your head a bit. “Any-anything else? What—”

“I dunno, like, how to kill them? What they’re susceptible to? Literally anything?”

You bring your hands up to your face and dig your fingers into your eyes. “I can’t-I can’t think. Can you get my painkillers or something? My head’s killing me.”

Eddie rushes out of the room without a word. You let yourself fall back on the bed. Try to recall the nightmares from before. There was that time two years ago when Chief Hopper was stuck in the tunnels and he managed to clear the vines with fire… so maybe your harebrained thought of making a flamethrower wasn’t too absurd after all.

“Here,” Eddie says, entering the room while shaking a pill bottle out into his hand. He caps it back up and grabs the bottle of water he had wedged under his arm and hands it to you.

You sit back up with a groan and whisper your thanks. Twist open the bottle, accept and throw back the pills, and drain half the bottle in one go. When you gasp and wipe your mouth, you take the time to properly look at Eddie.

He’s pale, clearly shaken up. And now that you’re paying attention, you can see the trembling of his hands on his knees as he crouches in front of you, and you can make out a bead of sweat going down his neck. You reach out to wipe away a smear of something from his cheekbone with your thumb.

Your nose feels itchy and your eyes are burning. “I’m sorry,” you breathe. Swallow thickly. “I-I’m so sor—”

“Hey, no,” Eddie mutters, holding onto the wrist nearest his face and bringing his other hand up behind your neck. “Hey, none of this is your fault. We’re both just caught up in some bullshit, we didn’t ask for it. You’re good.” He gives the back of your neck a squeeze and you let yourself fall into his shoulder. “You’re good. We’re fine. We’re gonna be fine.”

“Man I’m sorry for crying you much,” you choke out between sobs, grabbing at Eddie’s denim vest. “I just—I can’t—”

“None of that.” The fact that you can hear the shaking in Eddie’s voice tears a desperate wail from you. “It’s okay, just let it out. Just let it out.”

And you do.

All the fear and the frustration, the confusion; you sob it out. The consuming rage of not being listened to, of being called insane; the confusion of never knowing when you’ll end up in that-that hellscape again, and whether or not it’s going to be real; the certainty that if you talk about what happens to you again that you’ll just be sent back to another hospital. Maybe permanently this time.

Worst of all is the knowing, now, that all your nightmares were real. Maybe the details were off, here and there, but the people you saw dead died. There is another Hawkins and there are monsters there. And, for some god forsaken reason, you can go there.

“Hey,” you hear Eddie whisper your name. “Can-can you breathe with me? Can you do that?” he asks, and the fingers at the back of your neck start to scratch lightly at your nape. It takes a second, but you nod; you know you’re hyperventilating, now that the crying has stopped, and you know you need to get a grip. “Alright, okay,” Eddie continues, resting his chin on top of your head. “In seven, hold for two, out for four. Got it? In seven, hold two, out four.”

You nod again, and try inhaling when he does. When you start coughing, he whispers that it’s okay, and you try again. After a few failed attempts, and once the burning in your chest starts subsiding, you finally manage to match your breathing to the rise and fall of Eddie’s chest.

“There you go,” he sighs on the exhale, giving the back of your neck one last squeeze before moving his hands to your shoulders and pulling you away just enough to get a good look at you. “Hey there.”

“Hey,” you whisper back, doing your best to offer a watery smile. Take a deep breath. “Thanks. For helping.”

“Well, hey,” Eddie chuckles, patting your right shoulder. “Thanks for not letting me get eaten by a freaky carnivorous plant dog.” You close your eyes and let yourself laugh, even if it’s still a bit shaky.

“Yeah,” you nod, patting him on the chest. “Well. Can’t let my therapist die in a parallel universe. Who else is gonna listen to my bullshit?”

Eddie helps you to your feet once you feel like you’ve got a good enough grasp on yourself again. Mentions that he’s been poring over his books since he brought you back to the house for lack of a better thing. Has been checking in on you every other hour to make sure you were still breathing. Cleaned your face off, because it was ‘covered in blood like you’d walked straight out of Carrie or something’.

“Did you let the others know what happened?” you ask once you’re sat at the table with the rest of your bottle of water. Looking around you can see that Eddie’s covered the windows nearby with blankets, cushions and other fabric you think might be clothes. The lantern in the center of the table casts enough light to see most everything around you, including several books laid out and overlapping on the table.

“Yeah,” he grunts, letting himself down on the chair. He waves you off when you frown in concern. “They’re all a little… occupied right now, but one of the brats should come with their designated escort later.”

“You mean Harrington,” you correct, a bit absently, pulling one of the D&D books closer to you. A quick flip of the cover tells you it’s the Dungeon Master’s guide. “Did you find anything interesting while I was passed out?”

“Actually,” Eddie starts, flipping covers and going through the books on the table before he pulls one out from beneath the guide you have in front of you. It’s thin, and you never would’ve known it was there. “I felt so stupid not thinking of it first but… here.” He slaps his hand down and flattens the booklet before spinning it around to hand it over to you. “Right there,” he points to the page on your right.

“This… is this a spell list?” you ask, a little bit incredulously.

“The magic-user spell list yeah—that’s not the point. Look,” he leans over the table to tap at a column at the bottom of the right page. “The ninth level spells.”

“Gate,” you breathe, frowning and leaning down closer. “Astral Spell, Power Word: Kill…” You bring your hand up to the book and look at the other columns. “Telekenesis, Wizard Eye, Projected Image, Dimension Door—”

“Everything you’ve seen,” Eddie starts, slowly lowering himself back down in his chair. “All of it, it’s all there. Even the monster shit, it’s all there.”

You let out a quiet gasp, and turn the page. You zero in on the title at the top of the left page:

SPELLS TABLE

Clerics

“Hold up,” up say, raising your hand over the table and motioning to be handed something. “I’m not seeing plane shift in here.” You look up at Eddie, who seems to take a second before registering what you’ve said before snapping his fingers and going through a few books on the table before picking up up and passing it over.

“It’s, uh, I think it’s page fourty?”

You flip through the pages and land on the one mentioned, and there it is at the bottom. The cleric spell list.

“There is it,” you exclaim, pointing down and looking up. “Plane shift.” You look back down at the page and frown, “This is level five shit though. I don’t know that…”

“Don’t, you don’t know that what,” Eddie asks after you stay quiet for a few seconds. You flip through a few more pages, take a second to read and lean back in your chair.

“True Seeing,” you say quietly, gesturing at the book. “I mean, I definitely don’t need some kind of-of mushroom ointment for my eyes, but that sounds about right.”

“Anything else sound familiar?” Eddie asks, clasping his hands in front of him over the book on the table. You bite your lip and look down again, sigh and shrug.

“I-I mean I don’t know? Augury, maybe, I guess?” You let a hand trail down the columns. “I really don’t know, most of this shit just kind of happens to me, I don’t exactly try to do any of it.”

“But you tried with Plane Shift,” Eddie points out, taking the book back and flipping it around to take a look at it. “And you’ve basically done Astral Spell before even if you were kind of, y’know. Unconscious.”

You cross your arms and narrow your eyes at the man sitting across from you. “You’re not actually suggesting I do what I think you’re suggesting I do.”

Eddie’s grin could split his face with how wide it is.

“No. No, absolutely not,” you growl out, slamming your hands down on the table. “Are you forgetting that just the plane shifting almost got us killed? How about the part where I passed the fuck out as soon as I got us back? The bleeding? Nuh-uh,” you conclude, crossing you arms again and kicking the table. “No fucking way.”

“Come on,” Eddie pleads, putting his elbows and slapping his hands together almost supplicantly. “It can be something easy, totally inconsequential. Like,” he looks down between his elbows before looking back up. “Cure Light Wounds! You get a papercut—”

“Boy, are you stupid—”

“Or what about Silence? Speak With Animals should be—”

“Eddie!”

He flinches back a bit in his seat, but otherwise puts his hands up in surrender. You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose in irritation.

“I’m not a test subject, Ed,” you whisper, letting your hand fall down in your lap and giving him a look you hope is just shy of begging. “Right now I just. Can we just like, get high and pig out on junk food or something?”

Eddie sighs and has the decency to look apologetic. “I don’t have anything on me, princess. Kind of didn’t really have the time to grab anything when we…”

He trails off and you don’t need to hear the rest of the sentence. “Right, well at least we have beer,” you say as you get up and head over to the fridge. “You did put it in the fridge right?”

“Yeah, but I mean, shouldn’t you be drinking, like, water or something a little more—”

“I just woke up from passing the fuck out after basically teleporting us twice and dodging a hellhound in literal, actual hell,” you call from the fridge. You pick up two bottles, scoff and put them back in the case before taking the whole thing out. “I deserve a fucking break from this bullshit.”

𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

@anothermunsonsimp @doratheignora @storiesbyrhi

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