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#<- sad tag
deityofhearts · 1 year
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It’s just like, I know I have the capacity to be happy and be loved but I don’t feel loved and as long as I don’t feel loved I can’t be happy
#deity dialogue#and like there’s just variables#I want someone to love me the way i love them or at least a fraction of as much as I do#and this isn’t to say people don’t love me I know they do I just can’t really believe it#even if people love me I feel unwanted#and like I’m self sabotaging myself about it and causing not just myself but other people pain#and I don’t deserve love from people as I am especially when I’m hurting them#and just#I want to be happy I want to love and be loved I want to be secure but I’m not any of these things at least I don’t feel like it#I feel so lonely and unwanted and I’m sure I could be doing more but at some point so much time passes that it feels like I can’t#like after so many days or weeks or months why bother reaching out is it worth it to do so#to try and contact people or apologize would it be better to just let things end wordlessly would people rather to never hear from me again#I don’t know and I simply never will and the not knowing and lack of closure and ending hurts the most#at least when a relationships gets ended verbally like I know I know and I can move on#like it hurts it lingers and haunts you but ya know#but like again it’s my fault this happened because I get so convinced that people would be happier if I weren’t in their lives and I give up#or I hurt other people in the process because I think I’m protecting myself and doing what’s best for them and it’s dumb#divine despair#<- sad tag#I just hate myself I hate who I am I hate my personality I hate everything about myself and that I keep being shitty to others
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attleboy · 5 months
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TADC SPOILERS AHEAD!! //
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don't forget
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tofixtheshadows · 5 months
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I've been thinking a lot lately about how Kabru deprives himself.
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Kabru as a character is intertwined with the idea that sometimes we have to sacrifice the needs of the few for the good of the many. He ultimately subverts this first by sabotaging the Canaries and then by letting Laios go, but in practice he's already been living a life of self-sacrifice.
Saving people, and learning the secrets of the dungeons to seal them, are what's important. Not his own comforts. Not his own desires. He forces them down until he doesn't know they're there, until one of them has to come spilling out during the confession in chapter 76.
Specifically, I think it's very significant, in a story about food and all that it entails, that Kabru is rarely shown eating. He's the deuteragonist of Dungeon Meshi, the cooking manga, but while meals are the anchoring points of Laios's journey, given loving focus, for Kabru, they're ... not.
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I'm sure he eats during dungeon expeditions, in the routine way that adventurers must when they sit down to camp. But on the surface, you get the idea that Kabru spends most of his time doing his self-assigned dungeon-related tasks: meeting with people, studying them, putting together that evidence board, researching the dungeon, god knows what else. Feeding himself is secondary.
He's introduced during a meal, eating at a restaurant, just to set up the contrast between his party and Laios's. And it's the last normal meal we see him eating until the communal ending feast (if you consider Falin's dragon parts normal).
First, we get this:
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Kabru's response here is such a non-answer, it strongly implies to me that he wasn't thinking about it until Rin brought it up. That he might not even be feeling the hunger signals that he logically knew he should.
They sit down to eat, but Kabru is never drawn reaching for food or eating it like the rest of his party. He only drinks.
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It's possible this means nothing, that we can just assume he's putting food in his mouth off-panel, but again, this entire manga is about food. Cooking it, eating it, appreciating it, taking pleasure in it, grounding yourself in the necessary routine of it and affirming your right to live by consuming it. It's given such a huge focus.
We don't see him eat again until the harpy egg.
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What a significant question for the protagonist to ask his foil in this story about eating! Aren't you hungry? Aren't you, Kabru?
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He was revived only minutes ago after a violent encounter. And then he chokes down food that causes him further harm by triggering him, all because he's so determined to stay in Laios's good graces.
In his flashback, we see Milsiril trying to spoon-feed young Kabru cake that we know he doesn't like. He doesn't want to eat: he wants to be training.
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Then with Mithrun, we see him eating the least-monstery monster food he can get his hands on, for the sake of survival- walking mushroom, barometz, an egg. The barometz is his first chance to make something like an a real meal, and he actually seems excited about it because he wants to replicate a lamb dish his mother used to make him!
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...but he doesn't get to enjoy it like he wanted to.
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Then, when all the Canaries are eating field rations ... Kabru still isn't shown eating. He's only shown giving food to Mithrun.
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And of course the next time he eats is the bavarois, which for his sake is at least plant based ... but he still has to use a coping mechanism to get through it.
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I don't think Kabru does this all on purpose. I think Kui does this all on purpose. Kabru's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be understood as informing his character just as much as Laios's autism informs his. It's another way that Kabru and Laios act as foils: where Laios takes pleasure in meals and approaches food with the excitement of discovery, Kabru's experiences with eating are tainted by his trauma. Laios indulges; Kabru denies himself. Laios is shown enjoying food, Kabru is shown struggling with it.
And I can very easily imagine a reason why Kabru might have a subconscious aversion towards eating.
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Meals are the privilege of the living.
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injuries-in-dust · 3 months
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Good news of June 2024
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dormatheus · 6 months
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Later the lamb would just think that the real thing is nicer than the gaunlet idk
I gave up so fast holy shit
-💊
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forgettable-au · 2 months
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PROLOGUE
FORGETTABLE-AU (Page 1-9)
AND SO IT BEGINS!
I don't think I can fit all 20 pages of the prologue in just one post, so I'm dividing it into 4 posts! This one's the longest...
[CONTINUE]
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timelessbian · 6 months
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actually that ao3 post about calculating kudos-to-hits ratios to decide if a fic is worth reading has me so pissed off. someone put real time and energy into something they are SHARING WITH YOU FOR FREE on a site where you can quite literally filter and search by anything you want and you're STILL trying to find a foolproof method to find stuff that's "good enough to read"???
YOU ARE NOT THE TARGET AUDIENCE FOR EVERYTHING
you don't have to like or read everything in a given fandom or tag, but you also don't have to be a cunt about it and imply that it's not worth reading. this is the kind of shit that moves people to stop creating altogether, and to see people agreeing in the tags is so disheartening. absolutely unserious behavior.
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the-holy-ghosted · 1 year
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Girls will say "this is my beautiful wife" and their beautiful wife is just a weird looking man
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justaboot · 2 years
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Not to out myself as someone that’s been on tumblr for too long, but I’m so sad to see this new trend of people saying “I like this thing, even though the show isn’t airing anymore.” Like? That’s how things work! Keep enjoying them! Art doesn’t just vanish when it’s not airing, and it wasn’t made to be exclusively viewed live! 10+ years ago, the idea of saying “Ah, I’m still here in this fandom 2 years after the show was cancelled 😳” would have been BONKERS!
All these kids saying “It’s so sad the shows gone,” no it’s not!!! I saw your fanart yesterday! Last week you told me about my favorite character’s music playlist!!! I saw them running around in your AMV!
Where’s the longevity?? It was made for you!!! Not TV!!! It was made for keeps!!! Keep it!!! Please!!! That’s how art stays alive!!!
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icecreampizzer · 3 months
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It's like 2015 all over again man... light doodles and such! First one was drawn from memory (plus my oc Deja Vu SMILES) and some yuri yayy yayyy (I explode and the smoke dissipates and I'm doing the family guy death pose on the floor)
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arggghhhsstuff · 10 months
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forever obsessed with percy being weird. off-putting. strange even. a cryptid maybe. an urban legend if I may. my boy is the son of one of the oldest, most powerful gods, has been in FBI's records since the age of twelve, fought and won two wars against immortal beings, went to hell and back. I think he's allowed to be a little odd.
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ryllen · 25 days
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[ x ]
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kidovna · 6 months
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manifested mileven at the snowball in 2016, so now I’m manifesting byler at senior prom🪻🌻
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injuries-in-dust · 2 months
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Bravest little rat of them all!
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daftpatience · 17 days
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please everyone see my cute wife In the bridget cosplay she made!!!!! she even made the yoyo!!!!
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platoapproved · 1 month
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I loved him. I knew it, as incomprehensible to me as he was. — THE VAMPIRE LESTAT
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