#[ what a headache. ]

[incredubious]

MODERN AU ACESAN !!!! first impressions with a guy who barely passes the No Shoes No Shirt No Service rule

[teaboot]

Okay so I may have been struggling under a miscommunication issue

[inkskinned]

even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.

they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!

when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.

if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.

at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.

it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or there demons affecting my behavior.

but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.

and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."

it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.

someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.

more often for me, life was a drowning.

[jzargo]

"The Hissing Wastes is the WORST" the Hissing Wastes is great if you bring Blackwall because he proceeds to tell you about the time he got lost in a desert storm, he and his men got drunk and high, and then they woke up naked and had to fight a bunch of ghasts. Most riveting story in the entire game. Solas and Varric wish they had stories to tell like this.

[deaddee-anime-brownfanlady]

[bressynonym]

🧼🤓

[raccoonpog]

Come home, called the sun

Come home before you forget how to

[thottybrucewayne]

People get so pissy when they're told to be mindful not to overstep when discussing the oppression of a community they aren't a part of and it's sooooo obvious too like, how are you being supportive if you can't take criticism from the group of people you're "supporting"

[blackkatdraws2]

Baby I'm Home [Blank Scripts AU]

[Song: Baby I'm Home - ODETARI (feat. Kanii & 9lives)]

[kharits]

Guess we’re homeless now :(

Take two of this post because the last one didn’t loop properly and it bothered me.

[moonlightmarvey]

*tender, emotional music playing*

[incredubious]

stretching my animation joints with a little sonic

[satans-knitwear]

Pwetty new glasses!!! I shall use them for evil purposes (seeing things.)

Treat me ~ Tip Me ~ More of me

[oursystemblog]

comics that make no sense without the context that i usually find it hard to talk 2. whtAt The Fuck is up with me today

[canisalbus]

I hope Machete gets to welcome Vasco to heaven once he dies. Like the end of titanic lol

.

[brother-emperors]

the way the valentinian and theodosian dynasties intermarried gives me a headache, so we'll just (hand waving) the marriage of licinia eudoxia and valentinian iii, also some normal ribbing between theodosius ii and valentinian iii

can you believe that we got another set of co-emperors with the theodosius-valentinian name set after the absolute disaster of the first pair? incredible!

⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / tip jar!