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jimmythejiver · 3 years

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For the first time in a long time I went to the movies in forever and then to Target. At Target I see some Godiva bars on discount yellow tags and I was ecstatic until I read 70% Cacao, Dark, Salted Caramel and was deflated.

Anyway that's how I felt about seeing The Green Knight. What you thought this was about chocolate?

No see since the pandemic I've been back on my perennial King Arthur kick. I've for a long time since I was a young preteen thought, someday I too will write my own King Arthur epic and it'll be gay, magical, gangster and culty too, but for now I'll make up my own stories for practice and then with every story I got attached too, it got too involved and convoluted to the point that when it came down to actually writing a novel, I threw it all away and made a space opera I only planned in two weeks and wrote in a month. Anyway...so now I've been writing this very gay, magical, gangster and culty take on Final Fantasy XV with my boyfriend and just fell in love with Somnus Lucis Caelum who nobody has any insight about him than to make him the Mordred to Ardyn's Arthur, which is a strange flex, but okay, I thought about what if I wrote a Dark Age prequel about Ardyn and Somnus, but Ardyn becomes king and Somnus his shogun and they play games of seduction and power because I'm twisted like that. Anyway...I was like I'm never going to write this and I have to keep making up characters based on FFXV characters and King Arthur tropes because there's not a lot of stories that take place during the Dark Ages, it's always some Roman Empire story, or High Middle Ages and FFXV gave no room for either society to happen after the fall of Solheim and the rise of King Somnus...so we left with Dark Ages, y'all, the King Arthur comparisons are obvious, but Ardyn is no Arthur and Somnus is no Mordred, Aera is only Guenevere if you make up an affair with Somnus, Gilgamesh is no Bedwyr/Bedivere, but uh...they both amputees and the oldest companions to their respective kings so...I guess. Anyway making an ancestor of Cor Leonis and deciding well he's Owain/Yvain, or am Ignis type as idk Sir Cai/Kay I guess, they both cook, but Cai's more like Seifer Almasy than any FF character... Anyway I'm losing people.

My plan was to just scrap the FFXV prequel, leave my Somnus ideas into Overtime (a gangster and gods story) and just plan an actual King Arthur adaptation. I'd have King Arthur the treasure hunter, leader of a warband turned founder of Camelot who fights giants, giant cats and dogheads, but also fights King Claudas of the Franks and King Aelle of the Saxons and Cerdic a Briton who puts in his lot with the Saxons, etc. It'd been a a glorified turf war, meanwhile Arthur's gotta make alliances with King Pelles, The Fisher King and his strange cult he's founded because, why yes I find the ends justifies the means prophecy of the Holy Grail Quest very culty because Christianity then does not resemble it now. Meanwhile you got the secondary plots of Mordred, Gawain, Lancelot, Percival, Tristam and other's going on because they matter and too many modern King Arthur stories sideline the knights.

So many have always sidelined Mordred as a final boss eldritch abomination in mortal flesh conceived of sin and give him no personality, or complex motives, or even just a relationship with Arthur. I also have noticed the general sidelining of Lancelot, or give him a chad villain upgrade if you must include him at all, and the villainizing of Gawain to the point that you don't even have to have Mordred, or Agravain as a catalyst shit stirrer in court, just slap Gawain's name on Liam Neeson in a top knot and you're good. Mordred can just be a child offscreen until last act...fuck that, while Morgan Le Fay can either be a villainess plotting her cabal through men, or a well-intentioned, ineffectual idiot. Fuck that.

Now Hollywood just be doing King Arthur first acts that suck ass, only for said director to get rewarded failing upwards by giving this same jerk the Aladdin remake. The tonally shitty, crammed in blockbuster mess of a cliche heroe's journey that sucks.

With that background I was excited for The Green Knight. I read an illustrative version as a kid, I read Tolkien's translation as a teenager, I read Simon Armitage's superior, but with liberties taken translation. I was prepped to go knowing that indie, or not they were going to make changes to weave the disjointed poem together. I'm excited that because this movie exists Project Guternberg's finally thrown Jessie Weston's prose rendition up on their website. I'll be reading that at some point when this blows over.

The movie adaptation makes a lot of...choices, many I wouldn't love, but would forgive had their been a payoff. There was none.

The journey was fine, the cinematography was a breath of fresh air after crappy slo mo, glossy action scenes ruined another. Guys, I don't think I want to see a Zack Snyder Excalibur, it'll marginally be better than Guy Ritchie, but that ain't saying anything. Leave Excalibur to the post-Star Wars 80s where it is impeccable for it's time. I liked Green Knight's breathable pacing, it's color palette's in the forests and mountains made up for the muddy grey of every Ridley Scott send up in the castles and villages in every other Dark Ages/Medieval story in the last I don’t know since the shitty 00′s. For all the dark tones when there was blues, greens, yellows or reds, they were vibrant in this movie to contrast the gloom of Britain. The soundtrack was good. This isn't all what makes a movie, but it enhances it so let's get to the story and what I did and didn't like.

Things I Liked: Gawain is still a novice in his career The Costume Dressing Everyone pronounces Gawain's name different. I pronounce it like Gwayne, or Guh Wayne, but here you got Gowen (like Owen), Gowan (like Rowan), or even Garlon who I'm pretty sure is the Fisher King's heir in some versions of that Arthurian story, so uh... The reference to Arthur slaying 960 men with his bare hands (Nennius for the win!) The Waste Land that is implied to be a site of a battle (an important aspect of the Arthurian landscape) The Fox companion No long grisly, drawn out hunting scenes. The Fox lives! No misogynist speeches

Things I'm Mixed: This being a dream, is the magic real? Are the giants? Is the Green Knight a figment of Gawain's imagination from a spell Morgan casted in him to hallucinate? Is Lord and Lady also figments? It's...a way to interpret the poem, but lazy and I don't see why it's got to all fantasy, or all dream...this movie makes it too vague you're stuck picking one camp than to accept it's a fantasy with dream and hallucinatory sequences.

Things I'm Meh: Morgan Le Fay as Gawain's mom. Look I fucking hate Morgause as a character and these two get merged and steal each other's aspects so much at this point the difference is who did they marry, King Urien or King Lot? Both are attributed to being Mordred's mom, Mordred is Gawain's brother...both practice magic depending on certain incarnations, both love and hate Arthur their brother and are in conflict with him. Saint Winifred. I actually liked this sequence, but I don't appreciate her as the tacked on wife in the later dream sequence as like...a contrast between the wife you should marry than the whore next door you don't respect anyway? I don't even know what lesson I'm supposed to get out of the damn dream sequence, or any of it? That Gawain should've married his girlfriend and then he'd be a just ruler? That he shouldn't be king? That he'd never have to make the same heartless, impartial choices? I don't know, he seemed like a king doing king shit because guess what? It never gets easier. Wars will be waged. The world didn't become better because he married the right woman, respected her and lived in obscurity. The world didn't become better because he made her his queen. We certainly don't know the world would be better Gawain had his head chopped off and dead XP They never reveal the Lord and the Green Knight as one and the same because of this shit.

Things I Hated: Arthur withdraws from the challenge because he's old. In poem he takes it on and Gawain takes it so he don't have to and he finds himself more disposable than the king. Gawain only takes the challenge because of arrogance. Arthur and Gawain had no prior personal relationship. I'd not have hated this so much if it wasn't compounded by it cancelling out the first two things. Gawain is portrayed as having no respect for his woman, or any woman, maybe his mother? He has to be pushed by Winifred to regain her head. Gawain is portrayed as arrogant, covetous and ready to pass the buck, or the bare minimum than have any honor or decency. It didn't matter the kid in the wasteland was shithead bandit, the way Gawain acted towards him, when he gets robbed, it almost feels like he deserved it and Gawain doesn't learn a damn lesson. I'll admit him taking the sword to cut his ropes and cutting his hands was a neat sequence, it shows him go from stupid, to almost clever and having will to survive...you know traits he had in the poem, but he stops showing these traits or growing. Basically Gawain has to be dragged kicking and screaming to help people and shows no fortitude when facing temptation, or when showing respect towards others, it's exhausting. You don't make this kind of journey story without character growth. Why are you skipping this? Also is it just me, or is this like when you take Frank Miller Batman and transport him onto a Bill Finger story? This is at best Thomas Malory Gawain (and this is charitable) transported on the earlier Pearl Poet's story. Stop it. It's not tonally correct and goes at odds with the story and the set up characterization you'd need to tell it. Speaking of which, you know how I get through the oof... of Liam Neeson Gawain in Excalibur? By pretending he Agravain instead. Here...I don't even think Gawain could pass as Mordred in spite of his covetous nature, lust and entitlement. Why? because I don't think even Mordred is this dumb to warrant this hubris. Essel being invented as a tacked on love interest just to be shit on utterly and for what? I don't think I have much commentary here as there is no Essel I'm aware of to compare, or stack up. I just notice this trope of like...usually if you include a sex worker in Hollywood she often has a heart of gold, she often has her own sense of values that goes at odds with society, but is more true and less hypocritical than a privileged lady’s. I thought that's what they would've done with the added trope of back at home sweetheart to contrast and pit her against the despicable femme fatale of Lady Bertilak and her adultery and her ladyship...and I'm glad they didn't...but you did nothing with Essel than to shit on her for existing when you made her exist, you know. Lady Bertilak being portrayed as the seductress devil incarnate. Look I know adultery is a touchy taboo, but uh her and Gawain hit it off in the poem, dammit! Her values and his values come to clash, but here it's played off as Gawain is stupid and covetous and Lady Bertilak wants to prove something because...? If my brother's theory that she's a figment of Morgan Le Fay's magic, then I'll take this as a lesson of Gawain is impulsive and covetous and his mom knows it, but he don't want to fuck his mom, but he wants her power, and Morgan wants to teach him a lesson... I guess. Hey we don't have misogynist speeches in this movie, but we'll make sure to have the movie drip with it with no point, or commentary. Pass. Lord guilting, extracting and initiating the same sex kiss and only once. Poem automatically better that Gawain don't have to keep being reminded to keep his part of the bargain and he does it willingly more than once. What he doesn't do is give up his belt...gods how did we get more homophobic as a society that the homoeroticism here is worse? Catholics of the middle ages officially had no issue doing same sex, passionate kissing until it lead to sex. The Ending: The gods damn ending. In the movie as is, Gawain waits to uphold his end of the bargain and get his head chopped off. He imagines, even though we don't get any fuzzy or distortion to indicate this is a dream, but I already knew this was coming, he runs away and comes home, is regarded a hero, he sees his lady, takes her from behind and if you saw Brokeback Mountain (I didn't, but DJ has) you know this is a sign of disrespect to women. He gets her knocked up, pays her off for the kid she wants to keep, he is crowned king, marries the ghostly saint lady he helped retrieve her head earlier from a lake in the movie (this right here is the damn tip off). There's no more dialogue by this point and everything is montaging, so you know by now it's a dream, though nothing is out of focus. He rules as a heartless king, his whore son dies from war he waged, he has a daughter, his wife dies. Gawain then takes off the belt that would've saved his life and his head falls off. This would've been the one good twist, except... In this sequence of events he never had his head cut off so uh... now we back in present day. He decides not to bitch out, Green Knight in a sexy way is like "now off with your head," movie cuts to credits with no resolve...uh what the fuck? What the fuck? This is not good. You wasted the one twist in your dream when idk, you could've...

How I'd fix it: No dream sequence at all. No Incident At Owl Creek twist. Gawain comes home a hero and survivor of this game and ordeal. He wears this belt of shame. He becomes a well-renowned knight, but he bears a shame. One day he goes to take off his belt and his head falls off because he cheated to get this belt and to survive this encounter. There. Done. Improved your high concept movie that couldn't play any of the lessons straight from the damn poem without making everyone an asshole for no reason! Ugh! But nope you had to end it on we don’t know if Gawain lives or dies...because...it's dream magic made from his momma's witchcraft...?

Last Thoughts So then post-credits scene because Marvel because Pirates Of The Caribbean existed. A white girl who looks nothing like Gawain's daughter we see who didn’t pay off, or any child I can remember through this whole movie picks up King Arthur's crown that dream Gawain inherited and puts it on her head. Who is this girl? Are we gonna have an indie equivalent of of the Marvel Movie Universe/Universal Horror Monsters thing with ancient British legends? We gonna get a Life Of Saint Patrick next that crosses over? I don't know. What is this?

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princeofyorkshire · 4 years

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Describe something nice about ten mutuals you love GO

1) i’m gonna start with my baby elena @sunflower-vol14 who i love very very much. they’re truly one of the nicest, sweetest and considerate people i’ve ever met, both on tumblr and in real life. they’re always spreading so much love and they’re incredibly supportive and it’s a privilege to call them my friend. a strong, sensitive soul that i was lucky enough to meet and befriend and hope we’ll stay in each other’s lives for a long time ❤️

2) my lover and mortal enemy @oneandonlyhl ....... a tease. witty. hilarious. has the perfect sticker for every situation and somehow makes the best memes. hasn’t blocked me yet when i act h0rny on main and i appreciate that a lot 😏 my favorite thing about her is that she told me that the way i pronounce harry in spanish sounds very similar to shit in arabic, and i think that’s beautiful ❤️

3) my danish queen @canyonemoon! we haven’t talked in forever but kat is one of the nicest, strongest and smartest person on this website. i truly admire her for her strength and cleverness and i just love talking to her, we can have very serious conversations and also the funniest in ten minutes. i love our friendship because it started so messy, we were kind of like friends to enemies to lovers and i’m glad we gave each other another chance. she’s a gem, deserves every good thing the world has to offer <3

4) i’m only getting to know @needvodkand1d but she’s just. so so nice and supportive and sweet. i love her mwah tag so much i find that adorable for some reason lol. i can’t wait to know more about you! and hopefully see you at some show 👀

5) the stunning @aliensyndrome! she’s not only one of the most beautiful girls i’ve ever seen, she’s also so so fucking smart. i love reading her opinions and her sense of humor is 👩‍🍳💋. she’s SO good with words and i admire that so much, it’s like she knows exactly what to say and how to say it. i know she will succeed in everything she wants and i wish her the best in life ❤️

6) i’ve recently shown my love for @theparisinterview AND I’LL DO IT AGAIN! val has such a warm presence and her love for louis is so strong and so genuine it fills me with joy. i love how excited she is about literally everything louis does, i love seeing her reaction even if she’s a bit late sometimes 😭 such a nice, positive person who deserves love, love and more love always <3

7) my sweet ana @freddiereborn who probably has no idea louis’ hair is THAT long because she can log out for days and has no fomo. wish that were me. i just love her. again, an incredibly supportive friend. started as an anon and i’m very glad she stuck around because i got to meet someone so sweet and who just... understands a lot of situations that most people might not and she’s always a delight to talk to. i love how most of our conversations include at least one simpsons reference and that’s just the sudaca experience <3

8) i haven’t talked to h in a while but @kindofsharethat is like... the perfect popular blog. never gets involved in drama. SO fucking witty. it truly amazes me how he’s able to come up with the funniest shit, he’s incredibly smart, chill and goofy at the same time and it’s kind of the perfect combination. absolutely love him very much. one of the og who stayed true to themselves and i’m so happy he’s still here with us shitposting and just doing his thing, without getting into drama and just enjoying this fandom

9) my wife @tovarischlouis! i miss you! i admire your brain so so much and i hope one day i can be as informed and educated as you are. it truly blows my mind to see you speaking so eloquently about politics, i’m honestly jealous because i wish i was able to understand it better. but i’ve learned so much from you, and i just love and admire your smart ass

10) last but not least..... all my mutuals/people i follow. yeah i know it’s generic but they truly make my dash a better place, something that i can actually enjoy and have fun and helps me distract me a little bit from my life. i’m just very, very thankful for everyone, for the lovely asks, words, and overall support you’ve shown me in the last five years. i love you all ❤️

#ok sappy bitch omg . def could have mentioned more people but i’m so tired and i feel like i’m lowkey repeating myself #but truly everyone i follow is so lovely and i appreciate them. so very much #anon #asks 💌

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jaehyeonsgf · 4 years

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dear friend

summary : mark’s therapist suggests that he picks up journaling and mark uses it explore his friendship with you through the years.

tw : car accidents leading to death.

Mark nibbles the tip of his pen in search of what to write, of where to begin. His therapist recommended that he starts keeping a journal, to keep track of his thoughts and emotions. Somehow Mark decides to write it to you because you’d understand. You’ve always understood him. You’d be the only person he felt comfortable sharing his unfiltered thoughts.

“Where do I start?” Mark asked, hands grazing the faux leather cover of the journal his therapist had bought for him.

His therapist start smiled kindly – the kind of smile that was practiced to perfection. “Anywhere Mark. The beginning would be good.”

Dear friend,

Today my therapist suggested starting a journal, so I’m writing to you. I think you’d understand, you’ve always understood me anyways. I really don’t know where to begin so I’ll start from the start. With us.

I remember the first day of elementary school. You were beside me. You took your small hands and held mine. You squeezed it and it reassured me. It was enough to get my tears to stop spilling out of my eyes.

“Mark!” Your voice was sharp, “Today we are grown-up!” You declared so loudly that even other kids took notice of you.

The other students’ parents were pointing at us and laughing. They thought we were so cute.

“Are they sibling?” one of the parents asked your mother.

Before your mother could answer her, you did with all the confidence a seven-year-old could have.

“No, Mark isn’t my sew-bling,” you frowned at the word ‘sibling’, “Mark is my huss-band!”

I just nodded enthusiastically. We both didn’t understand why the adult were laughing at our ‘cuteness’. We were very sincere about it. I guess, I hadn’t understood the impact of your words. Or my agreement to it. But even at 7, I knew that if being your huss-band meant that I could stand by your side forever, I would gladly be your huss-band. Whatever that meant.

Later that year, I would fall trying to learn how to ride a bicycle. I had scrapped my knees (the scar is still present now) and the pain had cause tears to flood my eyes. Our parents were too busy getting ready for the barbeque that they hadn’t realise.

But you came running to me. Your little legs carried you as fast as they could to my side. Again, you held my hand and squeeze it.

“You are a big boy now, no more crying!”

Looking back at it, you were always the fearless one, the one that stood by my side and steadied me. Even when my parents weren’t there, you were. I could count on you no matter what. Perhaps that’s why I believed, truly from the bottom of my heart that even if the world crashed and collapsed around us, if I had you, I would be fine.

Mark finishes his first entry, and places his journal and his writing pen – that he bought at the dollar store just to write in said journal – on his nightstand. That night i the first night that he felt a sense of peace in his heart. Maybe it was the subconscious spilling of his heart to you (well, not actually you you) again.

For the first time in two years, he has a sorta decent sleep.

He forgets all about the journal until a few days later when he came back from a cabin retreat that Doyoung insisted he’d go.

Dear friend,

I just returned from a cabin retreat at Hanuel National Park. Doyoung had insisted that I come along. Said that the whole gang’s gonna be there and that they didn’t want me missing out. I don’t think you’ve met Doyoung, he’s the new addition to the gang. He’s a blunt guy with a good heart. I think you’d really like him if you meet him.

It brought back so many memories. I remember that we first went there when we were fourteen. Our parents had booked a retreat in the mountains during spring break and since it was our first time staying over in the wilderness, you had looked up a bunch of websites, trying to find the best spots of the place.

We had our own cabin. Just the two of us. Our little world.

Most people would go hiking in the day, but not you. You said that you read an article online about one of the most stunning places to stargaze is at Hanuel National Park and that you wouldn’t leave without visiting it at least once.

“It’s totally photoshopped,” I grumbled when you excitedly shoved your phone screen infront of me, showing me the apparent night sky at the park.

You pouted and whined. “Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease Mark.”

And even though I preferred to stay in our cabin, reading a chapter from Naruto, I agreed. The way your eyes lit up in delight as you flashed your million dollars smile at me was enough to make up for it. You shoved your backpack full of stuff, and in your moment of frenzy, I think you even shoved some of my stuff in it.

“Dude, do you really need my bag of marshmallow? I thought you said it’d be a quick hike.”

You smiled sheepishly. And I knew what that smile meant. I just groaned as I pulled a windbreak over myself and slipped on my boots.

I still remember the harsh winds blowing through the forest, the claustrophobic fear that tugged in my heart as we pushed our way through the dense foliage.

“If we ever make it back to civilisation, I’m going to kill you,” I huffed.

“When,” you corrected, tossing me a glare, “When we make it back.”

“If.”

You rolled your eyes at me. At least, I think you did. In the darkness of the woods, with the only light coming from your dimmed down phone screen (to save battery) and the cheap dollar store flashlight in my hand, I couldn’t see anything. I could barely see you.

You were afraid too. I could tell from the way you would anxiously look past your shoulder, making sure that I’m following you in your every step as if you would think that I’d ditch you last minute.

I can’t lie and say that thought didn’t cross my mind. But somehow your glances made me irritated that you would even consider that.

“Dude, are we getting there yet?” I asked for the tenth, or was it eleventh, time of the night.

You clicked your tongue in annoyance. “We just started.”

“I think we’re lost,” I muttered, kicking aside a branch.

“No we are not,” you gritted through your teeth.

But your fearless façade fell the moment the light from your screen disappeared.

“Shit,” you said, suddenly stopping in your track. “Shitshitshit.”

You frantically tapped the screen, and when that didn’t work, you began pressing on all the buttons of your phone. But it was clear that your phone died.

“Shitshitshitshit,” you mumbled under your breath.

“Okay, calm down,” I tried to reassure you. “Let’s just go there another day alright?”

When you started hyperventilating, I thought you were just sad or angry or frustrated that we couldn’t visit the place. And by this point in the night, we had made a considerable distance from the our cabins. Little did I know I was wrong.

“Let’s walk back.”

You stood frozen. I was so confused.

“Let’s walk back,” I said again, this time a little louder.

But again, you just stood there, rooted on the ground. And it took me a moment to realise what happened.

You were scared. Of the darkness.

I hadn’t realise it until you told me later on, that although you were so terrified of the dark, you loved the stars. You had kept yourself steady on the brightness of your phone, ignoring the darkness outside of the screen as you led the way but when your phone died, the darkness came rushing into your vision.

For the first time in our friendship, I was the one that took your hand and led you back to our cabins. The walk back was quiet and somehow it felt longer when we weren’t quarrelling or bantering.

That night I learned that you had fears too. I also learned that you liked the stars. I wonder if you liked the stars simply because they tore through the veil of darkness or if it was because they shone despite the darkness, not letting it consumed them.

I hope it’s the latter. Because then I can say that you were like a star and not in some shitty poetic metaphor. But because of the years that were ahead of you.

That night, Mark places the journal in his leather sling bag – the one bag that he uses for everything. Taeyong has told him before that there are bags for everything, but you can’t use a bag for everything.

Mark doesn’t care. There are more things in life that Mark has to deal with outside of his banal fashion.

Dear friend, I’m writing to you on a piece of paper, just because I’m on a train, going out of Seoul to Jeju Island. I was reminded of the first time we’ve been separated. My family took a week long vacation to Paris. And yea sure, there was the Lourve, Mona Lisa and the Eiffel Tower but I spent the whole week just marking the days off with little crosses on my calendar. It was also the first time I wrote letters to you. Although by the time my posted letter reached you, I had already been back to Seoul. I wrote about the beautiful sights in Paris, the macarons I ate and that one rude waiter that was cursing at my family in Italian. Back then, I felt good knowing that I had someone to talk to, even if you weren’t physically there with me. Perhaps it’s the same wi

Mark curses when he had ran out of space on the napkin. He was too lazy to ask for another napkin so he just neatly folds the blue stained napkin and pushes it safely into his pocket. He spends the rest of the train ride looking out of the window, taking in the greenery that he hadn’t seen in awhile.

Mark is in Jeju for Taeil’s wedding. His therapist encouraged him to come, saying that it would do him some good to get some socialising. Yet, even as everyone mingles in the reception, Mark hides himself on the outside balcony, sipping on some punch.

“Hey stranger,” Doyoung says.

The familiar voice jolts him, bringing him out of his own thoughts. Eerily, he remembers that hey, stranger, was your first words to him when he returned from Paris.

“Hey,” Mark replies, giving the taller man a practiced smile. The same smile his therapist gives him at the end of every session.

“How’s it going? How are you?”

“Good now,” Mark breathes out, hoping that Doyoung doesn’t press any further. Not that he is lying, simply because Doyoung reminds him so much of you. The way his casual smile has a reassuring feeling, the way it echoes your voice in his head “I’m right here”.

And Doyoung doesn’t question him further.

They spend all evening together, Doyoung helps Mark when old friends come up to him and try to catch up by asking about you, Doyoung helps Mark when the banal table conversations bores him to death and Doyoung helps until the wedding ceremony ends. Mark can’t lie, Doyoung helps him forget momentarily about the constant thoughts and it calms him down when he’s with Doyoung.

Maybe, Mark thinks to himself, it’s because Doyoung is a clean slate who knows nothing about the past.

“I’m glad you were there,” Mark says as he enters his cab.

Doyoung stands on the road, nodding and waving at him to leave. “It’s the least I could do.”

Mark’s mental health only deteriorated when he arrives back in Seoul. He’s swamped with work and barely has time to breathe and so he forgets about his journal.

He pushes himself to the extreme, taking on projects after projects and numbing himself with work.

It isn’t until he comes down with a serious case of flu, rendering him almost immobile that he remembers about the journal.

Dear friend,

It’s been awhile. I’ve been busy at work until now. Unfortunately, no one’s home to take care of me. I’m missing your warm stews and your barrage of scolding. This ache in my heart is a familiar feeling.

I think it was the first year of high school. Of course, we ended up going to the same high school and, as luck would have it, we were in the same class. By this time, we were seventeen, and more importantly, I was seventeen. You didn’t need to hold my hand nor did you need to encourage me. Yet you were still there, right by myself as I walked into the school building.

Half-a-year of high school normalcy later, my family was turned upside down.

See, we both were very coddled, I think you would agree. Our city-lives were considerably better than many others. So my mother’s death was the first thing actual chaos that I’ve experienced.

Who would have known that taking an extra shift would have been so costly?

Mom didn’t have to be there. But she took an extra shift. She said it would go to my college fund. Mine.

She left work at 4 AM that day. Unfortunately she never reached home. A truck driver was drunk driving and, even though she had waited for the green man to light up at the intersection just in front of my home, the driver hadn’t stop.

She died on impact. There was no hoping for another outcome.

You were there with me, on the hospital floor, as I wailed, cursing God. You sobbed silently too.

A simple accident caused the family to fall apart. My dad spiralled into alcoholism and I spiralled into numbness. I lost the woman I had loved the most. The days when you would come straight to my house after school and just sigh at the mess I’ve become, before cooking me warm stew and using it to coax me out of bed.

You’d consider the day a success if I even drank just a spoonful of your soup.

I didn’t tell you but I hated that you were ever-so-polite in my house. The loud and boisterous you also seemed affected by the cursed place that was my house. I didn’t tell you but the silence within those four walls drove me crazy. It was like a hand, choking me until I couldn’t breathe. Each time you’d come over, I wished you would just talk normally. Tell me about your problems. Rant about the petty arguments you had in school. But you never did.

And I’m not blaming you. It was what it was. You did your best.

But the worse had yet to come.

When Ten had sent out a mass invite for his birthday party, you and I were both shocked to receive one. I had gotten a little better then and wanted to go out and have some fun for the first time in a while.

I saw your hesitation. “It’s Ten’s birthday party. Are you sure?”

I knew what you hinted at, the alcohol. I guess a part of you was also fearful that I’d end up like my father. And you were right to.

The thump of muffled music couple with incoherent voices were audible even before the both of us got to the house. I tried to convince you that not all frat parties are bad. That sure, alcohol’s there but there’s no harm right? You tried to shrug it off like it’s no big deal. The pungent stench of beer immediately filled our noes when we walked into Ten’s mansion, but I was used to it. This was the same odour of my father.

You shifted nervously and I wished that we had just left right there and then. But we didn’t.

“Come on,” I plead, “It’ll be fun.”

You didn’t even have the time to respond before Taeyong spotted me. I had a few classes with him before everything went south so I dragged you along toward him.

“Hey, haven’t seen you in awhile man,” Taeyong greeted me. He passed me a red sole cup and it didn’t take a genius to figure out the contents of it.

I rejected it. I knew that alcohol was a poison. I knew that I shouldn’t accept it. There must be more to parties than just loud music and alcohol… right?

My rejection caused the table to look at me curiously. I recognised some of them. Jaehyun and Johnny from the swimmers’ team were there. So was Taeil from the choir. We’ve heard of them. If life was a high school drama movie, they’ll be the clichéd popular jocks.

Suddenly, I felt the pressure to give in, the yearn for some sort of acceptance, even if superficial. You glanced at me, your eyes pleading for me to not take the cup.

I took it. But I didn’t have to drink it… right?

Taeyong smiled before handing another cup to you. I didn’t miss your desperate glances, I didn’t miss you tugging at the hem of my shirt asking for help, an excuse, anything. But I pretended I did.

Of course I did. I had to. Especially hearing how the table began to chortle unkindly at your rejection of the cup.

“Well, I guess even at a party, I shouldn’t have expected you to take it,” Taeyong said as he set the cup back on the table.

All of a sudden, I felt the predatory eyes of the people at the table. For the first time since the incident, I became the normal one whereas you were the weird one.

I should have stepped in and defended her. But I didn’t. I should have left the party and chased after you when you stumbled backwards, eyes brimming with tears before running out. But I didn’t. When the new group of friends that I found myself with started making jokes at your expense, calling you a prude, a goody-two-shoes, a bore, I should have done something, anything. But I didn’t. I laughed with them too.

The dark sadistic string within me felt… acceptance and freedom.

For the first time in our lives, we were truly, truly separated. I thought this was true liberation.

When Johnny asked me why didn’t I ditch you long ago, I didn’t tell them about how you’ve been the cornerstone of my life. Instead I replied with, “I ask myself that all the time.”

That night, as you ran away from my side and I did nothing to stop you, it felt like a new start. A clean slate. Finally I could rid myself of you, the you who knew me better than I knew myself, the you who accepted me for me, the you who’d give up your life in a heartbeat if it was for me but more importantly, the you that knew my deepest, darkest secrets.

It felt like the anchor tying me down for the past seventeen years of my life was finally removed and I could start anew.

Mark’s hand aches from writing a few pages worth of journal entries and he blames it on the fact that he hasn’t written anything to you in a while. He flips through the book, cringing slightly at his atrocious handwriting, before closing the journal.

A sigh parts his lips as he thinks back on the past him and how dumb he was.

His therapist told him not to indulge too much in the past, that it steals from the present moment. So he tries to suppress his thoughts and force himself to sleep. God knows he needs it.

The next morning, or rather, afternoon when he wakes up, he feels slightly better. He checks his phone and sees that his therapist has messaged him, just to check up on him. He types a quick reply, asking to reschedule his appointment to another day.

His father, who has gotten back on his feet, left a note for Mark.

“Son, eat this and feel better! -Dad

P.S my second year of sobriety is coming up, get me present please”

Mark chuckles at his father’s little note. He drags himself to the kitchen, heating up the bowl of soup that his father had prepared. In some ways, Mark could see a silver lining to his mother’s accident. Despite the hiccup of his alcoholism, Mark’s father really grew to be a caring father. Before the accident, Mark wasn’t close to his father at all. Between business meetings and business meetings and more business meetings, Mark rarely saw his father’s shadow at home.

At least now his father takes a more active role in Mark’s life.

As Mark waits for the microwave to be done, he goes back into his room and brings his journal and pen out, setting it on the table. When the microwave finally beeps, he takes the bowl and sets it on the table.

He journals as he eats.

Dear friend,

I was thinking about you, and me and high school last night. And all I want to do is apologise. For everything. Like before, I don’t even know where to begin.

The party itself? Or Monday morning when I completely ignored you as you tried talked to me? Or the day in math class when Yuta made a joke about you coming late, saying you were probably selling your body to a teacher to get your good grades, and we I laughed?

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that the gang and I made your life a living hell. I’m sure that they thought it was innocent fun, to make jokes at your expense, to take everything that was good and bad about you and turn it into a joke. And I’m sorry that I laughed along.

I think I was worse than my friends. They did it to entertain themselves. But I had a hidden agenda. You were the personification of all my past hurts, my secrets and the ugly side of myself. Each joke I made, each time I harassed you, it gave me a buzz. In a twisted sense, I was trying to erase you to erase myself.

And you didn’t deserve.

I don’t think you noticed that I noticed but I did. Every time that I took a step in your general direction, I saw you flinch. And I know I shouldn’t have but I fed off your fear of me. In my twisted head, if you were scared of me, you’d never reveal the me that I wanted to hide.

Everyone just seemed to forget that you and I were ever friends. Our friendship became a faded memory for everyone. But not for me.

The hole you left in your absence had left a hole within me and I wished that the hole had blotted out my entire existence. But it didn’t.

So I continued tormenting you. Until graduation day.

Maybe I thought that it was the last time that you’d ever be in my life, so it was fine. Maybe I wanted some sort of closure from us. Maybe in the heat of the moment, the yearning for what we had took over. Either ways, it didn’t matter.

I walked towards you. Your parents were hugging you, your dad picking you up. They were proud of you. I wanted to say that too.

“Hey.”

Your flinch didn’t go unnoticed by your parents but they decided to give us space. You stayed silent, as if waiting for me to make some sick jokes, waiting for me to tear you down just like I had the past two years.

I felt sick to my stomach.

“Graduation day, huh?” I filled the awkward silence between us. “Congrats.”

You shifted uncomfortably. My stomach churned when the fearless girl I knew couldn’t even meet my eyes. “T-thanks…?” Your voice was strained.

“Where are you planning to go, uh, after all these?” I asked, rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly. A part of me was berating me for even trying to approach you.

“Why?” Your voice was soft and shaky.

At this point, the gang had noticed that we were talking. But it’s the last day of school. It felt like the last day I’m going to see you. I felt like I had to do this.

“I just… wanted to catch up?”

I noticed your clenched fist and your white knuckles. I noticed how badly they were shaking. Whether in fear or anger or something else, I would never know.

“We…” you breathed out, “We have nothing to catch up on.”

You turn to leave but I grabbed you by your wrist. Your voice was so so soft that I didn’t hear you telling me to let go until something within you snapped. Was it disgust from being touched by me?

“Stop it! Stop this… this whole thing. First you torment me for two and a half years for what? For for not wanting to drink alcohol? Sometimes I wonder if you actually even loved your parents. How could you do that to them? And me?” Your anger burned brightly in your eyes. It’s the first time your eyes met mine in years. “We were best friends. Us against the world. We did everything together. But I’m not sure if that was just me. Every single day, I playback memories of us, convincing myself that today was a nightmare. Why would my bestfriend turn against me right? Tomorrow will come and you’d be right by my side. But tomorrow never comes.” Your face was red and tears were spilling out of your eyes. People were watching. I didn’t care.

The voice that I’ve silenced for 2.5 years got louder in my head, screaming at me you deserved it. You’re the problem.

“Every single day I hope that you’d come up to me and tell me it’s all a massive prank. Do you know how that drove me crazy?” You took a deep breath, steadying your voice.

Your words were soft, but it cut through in to my heart and wretched it out. “Congratulations. You did it. You’ve won. You’ve became my biggest fear. I hope you’re happy because one of us being happy is still better than none of us.”

Mark’s hand stops as he wipes the salty tears that has spilled. Even now, he hates himself for what he did. Two and a half years.

He’d never return it to you.

Fate is a cruel thing.

He starts his pen up again.

I should have ran after you that day. But I froze up.

That image of your face streaming in tears will be burned into my mind forever. Because I never saw you again. And I never got the chance to say all the ‘sorry’s I needed.

My world was silent. Then I heard it. We all did.

A loud scream. A screech.

Sirens and chaos.

It takes Mark a whole week before he could bring himself to write in his journal again. He recalls the aftermath of your death.

His friends, at least those in his clique, tried to understand his pain.

“You’re okay, right?” Jaehyun asked a week after your death.

Mark nodded. “I’m fine, yeah.” That was a lie and everyone knew.

How could he ever explain to them – the people that bullied you – his pain and turmoil? A small voice in his head reminded him that too were part of the people that had bullied you.

Guilt crept into his throat, clutching it tight, just enough to keep him alive but still making every moment a living hell.

Dear friend,

I remember the box of letters your parents gave me at your funeral.

Mark takes the tape and tapes your last letter to him below the blue ink.

Hey stranger.

Today is graduation day. It’s the first graduation that I’m attending without you. And I’ve never felt more alone. It’s scary.

This will be my last letter to you. Today, I’m putting an end to my one-sided love for you.

I’m going to Oxford, do you remember when we were twelve and we promised that we’d get into Oxford together? I bet you don’t.

Then again, we also made the promise that we’d stick together forever and look where we are.

I wonder where you’ll go. I hope you’d be happy.

After everything, I’ve come to a simple conclusion: it’s nice to feel something once in a while, even if it’s pain. Because it reminds me that the first seventeen years of my life was true.

“So how did you find this whole, uh, journaling process?” Mark’s therapist asks at their next appointment.

Mark smiles, rather genuinely this time, “There were days that were very painful. But y’know, I think I’m starting to get this whole thing. It’s nice to feel something for once in my life, even if it’s pain. It’s a reminder that I’m alive.”

#nct #nct 127 #mark lee #mine

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scifrey · 5 years

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2019 Writing Round Up

The new year is here, and with it everyone is talking about what they wrote this past year. The last quarter of 2019 was a brutal rollercoaster for me, emotionally and personally, so it’s good for me to have the chance to sit here and reflect on what I accomplished and the good things that happened too.

2019 started with receiving a grant from the Toronto Arts Council for The Maddening Science – said grant went to research materials for the novel, a new computer, printer, and keyboard, and paying off some debts. But 2019 also started in a place of utter burn-out, having slammed through writing, editing, and publishing five big novels in three years, as well as rewriting a feature film and completing the scripts for three seasons of a webseries.

I was also working two dayjobs – one first thing in the morning, for an hour and a half, and then a standard eight-hour shift in the evenings which got me home at around 10pm – so my sleep schedule was a mess and I was having trouble not only making time to write, but concentrating when I did have the time.

I started the year in a place of complete exhaustion and mild frustration that neither of my book series had really caught on, and as my agent once said, “burned out from tried to break out.” I’m not happy to say that I think I still occupy that place a full year later; but I’ve had the opportunity to rest more, and begin to refill my creative well again, and to reclaim my writing space by no longer needing a roommate.

I’m not quite there yet – turns out finishing two series in four years really takes it out of you – but maybe in a few more months I’ll be ready to sit down and begin to spin out a new novel. In the mean time, I’ve got lots of irons in the fire, as you’ll see.

January

The first third of 2019 was dedicated to rewriting The Skylark’s Sacrifice a second time. I’d rewritten it in the last third of 2018 and my editor ended up agreeing that while the rewrite was exactly what she asked for, we should not have gone down that street in the first place. It was what was asked of me, but it didn’t work. So I took it back to the drawing board, and started the re-write all over again.

I also published WORDS FOR WRITERS: The DO-ING Trap.

I finished the edits/polish on A Woman of the Sea, which I had begun in October 2018 and loaded the book onto Wattpad in preparation for serializing it.

February

I spent February rewriting and jobhunting. I tried to write a short story and Did Not Do Well. It’s half done and likely to end up on the Pile Of Unfinished Tales.

At least I got some new words on the page with WORDS FOR WRITERS – Beta Readers.

And I began releasing A Woman of the Sea a chapter at a time on Valentine’s Day.

March

I completed the Skylark rewrites and handed them over to Reuts Publications. I also published WORDS FOR WRITERS – From Signing to Signing.

At this point I tried to start The Maddening Science, the book I received a Toronto Art’s Council Grant for in 2018, and bashed out a few chapters and a few scenes. But something was off about it, and I couldn’t pinpoint why, so I kept going into the file and only put a few hundred words in here and there. I couldn’t really sit down and dig in, and because I don’t believe in Writer’s Block as a mystical magical reason for why people can’t write (there are always reasons), I had to step back to try to figure out why I was struggling. I assumed it was probably because I was in the middle of job interviews and decided to try again later.

April

I started a new copywriting job, leaving my other two dayjobs, and it sucked up all my brainpower and creativity and made it very hard to want to sit down and compose yet more words at the end of the day.

I resumed working piecemeal on The Maddening Science, pecking out what I could one molasses-slow sentence at a time. I realized that the incidents in the news regarding the current political comment and the toxic white supremacist misogyny that is rampant in our society today has made it very hard to figure out how to tell a responsible story about a supervillain as the protagonist.

I’m still working on that. In the mean time, while I figure out how to restructure the tale, the book and the progress blog are on hiatus.

May

Still brain-dead from work, I only managed to bash out WORDS FOR WRITERS: How do social media and writing/publishing work together?

June

There were some final edits on The Skylark’s Sacrifice to be discussed, but I really did nothing this month beyond marketing pushes and watching all the webseries I judged for TOWebfest.

July

The director of my feature film, To a Stranger, was going to start shopping the script around to executive producers, so before he did that I got some actorfriends together to do a table read. The read, and their feedback, revealed some character motivation gaps in the film, and I set about organizing their notes and figuring out how to solve the issues.

I also wrote and published WORDS FOR WRITERS – How To Write a Synopsis.

This was also the month of TOWebfest, the festival itself, and I spent a lovely day with fellow creators and spoke to some executive producers about my own webseries to try to garner interest.

I was a guest at Pretty Heroes Con for the first time and LOVED it. It’s great to celebrate strong female leads in SF/F and I loved Sailor Moon as a kid, so I was in nostalgic nirvana. It was lovely to introduce those Girl Power-loving fans to The Skylark’s Saga.

August

I restructured and rewrote To a Stranger, added extra characters and extra scenes to clear up some character motivation in the screenplay. It’s now back with the director and I hope to hear that he’s got a production house and an Exec attached to the project soon.

I appeared at FanExpo Toronto to do some panels, sell some books, and judged the short fiction contest. I also wrote and published WORDS FOR WRITERS: How to Create a Pitch Package.

September

The Skylark’s Sacrifice was published! Yay! I had a wonderful launch party at Bakka Phoenix, and got to simultaneously launch the incredible book trailer for the duology animated by Elizabeth Hirst to a song by Victor Sierra. Friends Adrianna Prosser and Eric Metzloff, and Danforth Brewery made it extra special.

I also got to read at Word on the Street, which was been a career-long dream, reading on the new Across the Universe Stage.

However, September was also the month when I lost the copywriting job. I saw it coming, so I was shocked when it happened and how it went down, but not surprised. I wasn’t fitting in well with the team, the original project I had been hired for had been vetoed by the execs, work was being taken away from me and given to freelancers, and I didn’t have the training they wanted (though that makes me wonder why they hired me in the first place.) In retrospect it’s been a blessing, as the workplace was not at all a good fit for me and was slowly becoming toxic, but at the time it was a devastating blow to my confidence and my coffers.

Just a few days after I was fired, on my 37th birthday, I won a Watty Award for A Woman of the Sea. Happy birthday to me! I was offered a place among the Wattpad Stars program and accepted – and wow, is there a lot of paperwork for that – and I’m still trying to figure out what benefits the program offers. (Though I’m pretty chuffed with my free Canva Premium subscription!) A Woman of the Sea was featured on the home page as an Undiscovered Gem and as of today has about 82k reads. Whoa!

I also wrote and published WORDS FOR WRITERS: How to Plan a Series.

October

I spent most of the month sleeping and crying and working through how I felt about getting fired. When one identifies oneself as a writer, to finally get a job in writing was a thrill and felt like a confirmation that although I was struggling with my next book, I was a writer and I’d get through it. Being fired from the job – even though the reason was an exec decision to eliminate my project and thus my role – felt like a very personal blow. I wasn’t a writer after all. (Or at least, that’s what it felt like).

This had me thinking long and hard. Especially about where I wanted my writing career to go next – as much I’ve been writing in the realm of SF/F the past decade, I’ve begun to realize that was I really am is a Character-Driven Romance writer. Romance set in spec fic and fantasy realms, sure, but Romance and Character Work are my wheelhouse and how I should be selling myself.

This realization has been pretty freeing because it means that the frustrations and roadblocks I’ve been coming up against can maybe be dissolved by reframing my brand and rethinking my career map.

Wattpad added the sample of City By Night that’s on Wattpad to their Halloween Reads list on the homepage and I decided to put the whole novella up on the site for people to read. Read it now, though. It won’t stay up forever as the eBook rights to the novel are signed with an indie publisher. This is just a limited-time promotion.

And knowing that readers were asking what I would be posting next on Wattpad after A Woman of the Sea, I rejigged Triptych for the site and started serializing it from the start. You can read it here. This story also won’t stay up forever, for the same reason.

I also started serializing Words for Writers on Wattpad. I won’t be copying over all 75+ articles I have on my website, just the ones that are specifically useful for Watties.

I also polished a webseries and sent it to a producer with a major broadcaster after our convo at TOWebfest for consideration. I’ve followed up but there’s no reply. I’ll follow up again in January 2020 but I can pretty well assume that No Answer is my ‘No’ Answer.

I am thinking about maybe pitching it as a graphic novel in the future, though I’m going to have to reach out to my friends who write them for publishers to figure out how to put at pitch together.

November

In 2017 I handed over a YA contemporary re-telling of “Northanger Abbey” to my agent, and it was lukewarmly received by both her and the handful of editors she showed it to. It was then shelved for possible future reworking.

In the first part of the NaNoWriMo month, I decided to tackle this reworking, and I was still wrestling mentally with The Maddening Science. This reworking was inspired a lot by reading Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston in October, and realizing that the tone I’d been going for with my narrator hadn’t been irreverent or GenZ-y enough for the story I was trying to tell, and not grounded enough in the technologies and social media that my modern-day Catherine Morland would have access to.

I reworked the Pitch Document for the novel, now currently called “Title TBA”, and got to chapter seven during NaNo. I’ve got some thinking to do about structure for the novel, and how far into using Social Media As A Storytelling Tool I want to go with the idea, but generally speaking I’m pretty pleased with the result of the rewrites.

Partway through NaNo, it occurred to me that there was another story that my Wattpad readers were asking for, and one that would be a lot of fun to write. In A Woman of the Sea, my fictional Regency-era Jane-Austen-analogue authoress Margaret Goodenough writes her debut novel “The Welshman’s Daughters”. As I describe this non-existent novel in A Woman of the Sea, it’s a gothic romance that’s very Elizabeth Gaskell-and-Jane Austen-esque in terms of it being a character study driven romance, with some of the fun high melodrama and gothic tone of Anne Radcliffe. And, in the world of A Woman of the Sea, it’s the first queer kiss in Classic Western Literature.

A handful of readers have asked where they can find this book, or have confessed to going to the library to ask for it, only to learn that it’s not real. I made it up.

And I thought… well, why not make it real?

So I’m working on the pitch doc and the first chapter now, to see if a) this is something I want to pursue and b) this is something that will help me break through my burn-out slump. I hope it will, but I think I still need to take time to rest before I really push into it.

And I still have the “Title TBA” rewrites to complete.

December

I published WORDS FOR WRITERS: How Do I Get An Agent?, and spent the rest of the month just trying to chill. I’ve become a bit of a reluctant reader, so I am trying to push myself to read a little each day, to remind myself why I fell in love with storytelling in the first place.

A Woman of the Sea was turned down for Paid Stories, unfortunately, because of the structure of the romance. The Stars Team explained that romance stories like this one, with one romantic partner in the first half of the book, and a different one in the second (a la Brigit Jones’ Diary) doesn’t tend to do well on Paid because readers are reluctant to shell out for a romance where they don’t meet the HEA partner until later. It’s heartbreaking to hear, because I was really hoping that this might become a viable stream of income for me. At least the team who turned it down were very kind and expressed how much they loved the story in and of itself.

But no matter – onwards and upwards!

What’s ahead for 2020

Well, I’m not sure. This has been a really, really difficult year and I have really, really struggled with trying to figure out who I am and what I want, both in life and as a writer.

Certainly, there will be lot of hard thinking about the future of my writing career. I have ideas that I love and want to pursue, but this post-firing-return-to-the-job-hunt-depression is killing my desire to create. And honestly, the fact that I’ve worked so hard for so many years and haven’t managed to get any sort of break-through or cultural foothold or ability to even really to pay my bills with this job is disheartening. I’m still paying more in marketing every year than I’m making in Royalties.

However, I have some new opportunities on the horizon – conversations happening behind closed doors, as well as Divine Paradox Films still working toward filming To A Stranger, and Alpaca vs Llama shopping The Skylark’s Song as a teens animated series. And the webseries I wrote is under consideration with a new production team, so I can keep my fingers crossed.

Who knows, perhaps the rewritten “Title TBA” might be just the thing to propel my work into a realm where I’m really earning money. Though I had originally envisioned it as the first of a series, the more I work and think on it, the more I feel like it would be best as a stand-alone. I think it would slap a lot harder if it was a one-off.

And I am genuinely liking the plot of The Welshman’s Daughters, and all the research reading and viewing I am doing to get the tone and mood of the book right (please recommend me your favourite Gothic Romances – film, TV, or books!)

But I’m not going to rush anything. It’s nice to be able to remember how to putter with a book and have no looming, razor-blade deadlines hanging over my neck.

2020 will be, I hope, a year of renewed creativity, motivation, and the year where I complete at least one of the three novel projects I’ve started.

For now, I think I’m going to go have a nap.

If you want to stay up to date with my writing and happenings, sign up for my newsletter.

#J.M. Frey #about the author #words for writers #writing round up #2019 writing round up #writing #writing community #writeblr

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buttdawg · 5 years

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I'm still pissed about Jim Cornette, so I guess I'll write about it here.

I listened to his podcast yesterday to see if there would be any contrition over his Ethiopia joke, and there really wasn't. The closest he got was to express regret for distracting attention away from NWA, which he seems to sincerrly wish to support. Then he offered this conditional apology based on how people reacted to what he said:

1) If you disliked his joke and thought it was in poor taste, he apologizes for what he said.

2) If you're Black and found it offensive, he didn't intend for it to be racist.

3) If you're outraged by what he said, beyond what he thinks is reasonable for a situation like this, then you can fuck off, because he never cared what you think of him anyway.

That's just bullshit, and I'm gonna tell you why. In the same podcast, he admits that he has anger management issues. He's gone on record as saying that if there was a way to do it legally, he would murder Vince Russo in cold blood. He carries a lifelong grudge against Kenny Omega because he wrestled an inflatable doll in Japan several years ago. And yet this guy has the temerity to complain when he thinks people are overreacting to him. "Whoa, whoa, come on, people, it was just a joke. Why are you so bent out of shape over this?" Well the blow up doll was a joke too, but you still want Kenny Omega run out of the wrestling business for it.

I've been listening to a few Cornette podcasts since AEW started, mostly because they were free on YouTube, and because Corny's a lot easier to listen to than the schmucks at Wrestling Observer. I found a lot of his hatred towards AEW unfair, but occasionally he made some valid points. Like the Cody/Dustin vs Young Bucks match going too long. He said it felt like they did three shorter matches in one, and the first leg was the best of the three, so they would have been smarter to wrap it up early and end on a high note. When he said that, I was like "Hey yeah," because I felt the same way but I couldn't put it into words at the time.

But mostly he just hates AEW for the unforgivable crime of existing in spite of his complaints. He respects and likes maybe a third of its talent, but he can't seem to fathom why those guys put up with the two-thirds that he hates. Maybe it's because guys like Cody and Jericho and Hangman Page are smart enough to understand that they're good for business, even if they have different styles in the ring. Cornette's problem is that he's too brittle.

That, and he's a hypocrite. He keeps ragging on wrestlers for exposing the business and not looking enough like real athletes. He craps on guys like Joey Janela for not looking muscular enough, sort of like how he crapped on Kevin Steen before he went to WWE and became a multi-time champion. I'm sure Joey's terrified of suffering the same fate. One of Cornette's talking points is how they don't just sign anyone for the NBA, and they don't just bring fans in to play the Super Bowl because they want to. But that's stupid. Joey and Marko Stunt got signed to AEW. They're legit members of the roster, and they're over. The only downside to these guys is that they don't look like football players, except nobody cares about that, so it isn't a problem at all.

Cornette gripes and gripes about professionalism in wrestling, and how there's no room for cheap gimmicks or bad comedy, except his entire decades-long career in wrestling has been spent acting as an insult comic with a loud suit and a tennis racket. He's probably mad at Kenny Omega for wrestling the blow-up doll because he kind of looks like a blow-up doll, so maybe he took it personally. He cries about kayfabe and protecting the business at all costs, and then he uses every opportunity he has to bury wrestlers and air all the dirty laundry from backstage. Every episode of NWA Powerrr had at least one instance of him bashing AEW as "cosplay" wrestling, which doesn't help anybody. If you don't watch AEW, you wouldn't know what he's talking about, and if you watch NWA and AEW, then he's insulting your taste. It's bad announcing, pure and simple. He's only out there to push his own agenda, not the wrestlers.

I can give him a modicum of respect for resigning from NWA. According to his podcast, he only worked for them to help support their product, because he believes so much in what they're doing. But it's become clear that the controversey he generates is distracting the public from NWA's brand. I read a tweet from Nick Aldis this week where he was very diplomatic and expressed great regret for what Cornette had said. He said it didn't represent what he wanted NWA to be. I like Nick Aldis, because I can tell that he's trying as hard as he can to carry himself like the "Real World's Chamion" in the tradition of Ric Flair and Harley Race. I don't know if he's succeeding or not, but I respect the effort he's putting in, because he wants to make NWA special and he wants to be a champion in a way that Chris Jericho and Brock Lesnar and Bray Wyatt aren't. But as long as Cornette was associated with the brand, his efforts would always be undercut by whatever whackamaroo nonsense he says next.

So maybe Cornette had that in mind when he quit, but from his podcast, I got the sense that it's not like he needed the job, and it wasn't fun anymore, and he was getting fed up with the PR headaches. That explains why he was so flippant on NWA Powerrr. He was showing up to have fun and relive the old days. Nick Aldis ain't there to screw around. He's trying to build a better career for himself and his co-workers.

And it's that flippancy that pisses me off. Cornette stopped giving a fuck years ago, I guess because he's got a successful business selling merch and dvds of old matches and public appearances and such. He doesn't need to "protect the business" anymore because he's got his own business separate from any promotion. His gigs with MLW and NWA are a way for him to promote his stuff, so if he says something shitty on their air, it just drives up hits on his website. That's the worst possible scenario for a color commentator. Cornette cries foul because Excalibur wears a mask on AEW Dynamite, but at least Ex is concentrating on making AEW talent look good. He's not telling racist jokes to fill dead air, or to get more eyeballs on his website.

It's impossible for me to express how stupid that Ethiopia joke was. The racism was so obvious that it makes all the defenses of it especially flimsy. Cornette insists he was mocking starving people, like that makes it okay. He told the story of how he invented the joke and Ray Traylor thought it was hilarious in 1985, and TBS and USA never got in trouble for it, so that somehow makes it okay forever. Cornette's fans talk about how they think the joke's okay, simply because they thought it was funny, like that makes a bit of difference in a PR situation like this.

Then you see people cry about how "sensitive" everyone is these days. Like, no shit, that's how public relations works. If your business does something offensive enough, it hurts your brand and your business suffers. So you have to be mindful of people's sensitivity. Complaining about it is useless. That'd be like going on Twitter after the Notre Dame fire and saying "Wood sure is flammable these days." Well how does that solve anything, dumbass?

It's all a bunch of bullshit. Cornette's using thirty-year old jokes because a dead guy laughed at it once and he's too arrogant to re-evaluate it for the present day. He's mad at wrestling fans for objecting to his behavior, except they're the customers, for fuck's sake. I've never seen anyone so obsessed with protecting the business and simultaneously so insulting towards the people who pay for the product. He hates AEW because he doesn't approve of their methods. Except they do good business and can sell out buildings pretty regularly. There's clearly an audience for how AEW does things. You tell him that, and he'll respond that their audience doesn't count, because they're all 30 or 40 something single men who are probably virgins or they're lose interest when the next fad comes along. So it's not enough to sell out a venue, you have to get x percent old people and y percent women and z percent children, or whatever they used to draw in Mid South in 1987. Dave Meltzer likes AEW, so Cornette now thinks he's an idiot too, even though he's been covering wrestling for decades. He's trapped himself in this binary mindset where the only real wrestling fans are the ones who agree with him and approve of his dated jokes and out-of touch worldview. Everyone else deserves to be shot.

That's why NWA is better off without Cornette. They may not realize it, but he was never on their side, not really. Sooner or later they would have offended his rigid, inflexible sense of What Wrestling Should Be, and he'd turn on them too. At least this way, it's a clean break, and they don't have him talking about fried chicken during Nick Aldis matches or how Trevor Murdoch's beer gut is somehow more athletic than Kenny Omega in a Street Fighter costume.

#jim cornette #nwa #in hindsight i guess the only real reason i listened to cornette's podcasts was because i enjoyed aew so much #that i wanted to get more aew content #even if it was to hear someone complain about it #but yeah i'm done with that shit

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imagination-of-a-melted-bitch · 6 years

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Collaborative Embarrassment || Han Jisung

Prompt: can you please do a Han Jisung scenario with an older reader?

Pairing: Jisung x reader

Word count: 2.442k

Warning: second hand embarrassment (??)

Y/L/N Y/N, the name carried weight. You were easily the most respected artist in the industry, Kpop and western music alike. Everyone knew who you were and if they didn’t it was safe to say they had been living under a rock.

“Is this the room?” You asked your manager, realizing she couldn’t see the number as she was on the phone and not beside you like you were used to her being. “I’m sorry,” you go to tell her the number only to hear a chorus of laughter from inside the room. “Actually never mind,” You softly chuckle, thanking her and hanging up. “This should be fun,” You take a deep breath and push open the door of the practice room, finding the group of guys tussling about, most likely having a friendly competition of seeing who was the strongest. “Hello?” Your voice is too soft and your accent too light to be one of their managers and this instantly catches all of their attention, everyone turning their heads toward you, horror painting their faces.

“Oh my god!” Felix screams, he knew who you were right off the bat. He followed you on every social media website you had ever made and shared with your fan base. “It’s Y/N!” He sounded similar to the fans that came to see him and the others, screaming like a maniac, running around like a chicken with his head cut off. “Do you not know who she is?” He asks once he realizes the others were still frozen in their previous spots, not even bothering to move into decent positions. Felix now realizes he may have over reacted and most likely embarrassed not only himself but the group and shies away, hiding behind the cluster of guys.

“Hi,” you wave, watching as they slowly begin to untangle themselves. “I’m-“ there’s a chorus of them beginning to explain how they knew who you were and how they all loved and cherished every song and music video you had dropped. “Thank you,” You were never usually this shy around people but for some reason it was as if they were staring right through you, reading you with ease and that was kind of unsettling. “I’m going to assume you guys haven’t been told, but we’re going to be collaborating,”

“What? No way!” Jisung is the first to speak on his own since Felix had sat down and tried to fade away from existence. “That’s so cool! Why weren’t we told earlier?” Jisung is truly struggling to keep his cool. First of all, he loved you and not like the others had said they loved you, he was head over heels in love with you. Emphasis on the word in. He had all your posters in a box under his bed, all your albums and photo cards, no one was as big as a fan as he was and he commended himself with how well he was acting in your presence.

“Yeah!” Chan stands up, looking around the room, only to find that the ten of you were alone. “Oh...well, hi, I’m Chan,” he makes his way towards you and takes your hand with a gentle grasp, giving it a nice shake. “I’m stray kid’s leader and as some say, father,” he looks stressed as he says this, as if he were having flashbacks from war.

“Nice to meet you Chan, believe it or not I’m actually a really big fan of you guys as well,” you shrug, your words were simply meant to let them know there was mutual respect but they nearly made them all pass out. “Are you guys okay? You guys need some water?” You pull your water bottle out the side of your dance bag and hold it out to them. “Don’t worry I don’t have cooties,” you mock younger boys and put the water bottle back in your bag when no of them make a move to take it from you. “Hmm, you guys a little shy?” You drop your bag and decide against taking off your windbreaker not needing them to tense up again at the sight of you in your dance wear.

“You’re so cool,” Jeongin whispers mindlessly, staring at you in awe. “Much cooler than Chan hyung,” His eyes only shift toward his leader for a second before he turns back to look at you. “No offense or anything of course,” He smiles adorably, rocking himself back and forth, his face lit up like a child who had met their hero.

“No worries Chan,” you giggle, watching his brows raise with an unreadable expression on his face. “I promise I’m not after your position.” You clamp a hand on his shoulder, slightly shaking him a little. “I just wanted to meet you guys before I had to head to the hotel.”

“You could totally stay here!” Jisung blurts out but covers his mouth with his hands, eyes darting around the room, hoping to avoid your intense gaze. “I’m sorry, I really wasn’t thinking before saying that!”

“Oh no it’s totally fine. I wouldn’t want to impose or anything. Also I don’t think us staying under the same roof is a smart idea because most of you haven’t even looked at me for longer than ten seconds since I’ve walked in,” Everyone’s cheeks deepen in color, someone coughing in an attempt to clear the tension in the room. “It’s fine! I’m not upset or anything, I completely understand! If you guys want the honest truth I’m really nervous right now,” you smile softly, scratching the back of your neck at your own confession. “I’ve been a big fan since hellevator, I wasn’t lying or trying to calm you guys down earlier...” you jut out your bottom lip and look back toward the guys, lips slowly tugging into a smile. “All I ask is for you guys to treat me like a close friend, not like a big star or whatever, I just want to be...like one of the guys.” This seems to make them relax but you knew it’d take a few days for them to completely warm up to you but you were patient and willing.

“Do I have to call you noona?” Seungmim asks softly, scared everyone would blow up on him at his question. “I don’t mind!” He quickly recovers, “You know what? I’ll only call you noona! I’m sorry! Forget I even said anything!” He hides his hands in his face and it seems like he’s about to cry. He felt so idiotic and embarrassed. He wished he could fade away much like Felix still did.

“No.” You put all his worrying to ease. “I understand elders are an important part of Korean culture so of course I’ll call you guys ‘oppa’ when need be but you guys don’t have to call me noona,” you motion for them all to come in, “I’ll let you guys in on a little secret,” You motion for them to come closer than they were before giggling a little. “I’m not Korean so I’m not really worried about it, plus I won’t tell anyone.” You look around the room, subtly winking at the nine boys.

“Wow! You’re so awesome!” Jeongin continues from earlier making you softly roll your eyes.

“I’m sorry, ignore him. He doesn’t really know how to act around pretty girls,” Hyunjin comes to the younger boy’s rescue and covers his mouth before he can say anything else. Jisung’s jaw tenses as Hyunjin, someone who obviously knew about his love for you, sweet talked you.

“Thank you...” you cough, returning to your previously shy form at the compliment. “Yah!” You jump back, shaking out your arms and legs, slapping your cheeks to regain your composure. “That’s not fair! No compliments, they...they make me feel funny.” You shy away making them all laugh at how cutely you reacted to Hyunjin’s simple compliment, that hadn’t even meant to carry any weight besides saving Jeongin’s hide.

“But how could we not compliment someone so pretty?” It’s Changbin and you’ve been warned about him. Your eyes widen and you playfully hit his shoulder, instantly feeling bad when he makes a noise of hurt and rubs his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry!” You side hug him and he smiles, winking at the others. “Oh you little bug,” you drop your arm to your side and softly push him away from you.

“You said you were here for a collab?” Minho brings up what you had said earlier, something you were sure none of them had remembered with the events that had taken place in the last twenty minutes. “This’ll be fun,” he smiles to himself, doing eight counts in his head.

“I think our voices will blend the best!” Woojin hits a note from nowhere, shocking you. He was truly a vocalist and the thought of singing alongside him made you feel warm inside. He continues with his note and motions for you to join him. You look around the room nervously but decide to shake away your worries and join him, taking a second but eventually harmonizing with him. Everyone gasps in awe at how beautiful the two of you sound.

“Holy crap!” Felix pulls out his phone and records the moment. “I have to have this forever,” Felix sniffles and wipes away a fake tear making you break your note to laugh.

“You guys are even better in person.” You clap your hands, “I’m sorry to disappoint you Woojin but my manager told me I’d only be rapping in the song...and well, dancing of course. Maybe we can do something on the side, just the two of us?” Woojin smiles brightly at this and Jisung sees this as his chance and pushes toward the front of the group and cutely raises his hand.

“I’ll be happy to help,” This was his moment, helping you write a verse for the upcoming song would be a perfect opportunity to spend one on one time with you and he could make his move then.

“Yeah right like she’d be interested in a kid like you,” Changbin growls playfully, snagging Jisung’s head under his arm and rubbing his knuckles against his scalp. Your brows dart up and an awkward silence falls over the room again as Changbin had gotten too comfortable and told you about Jisung’s crush on you. “Ah crap,” Changbin lets go of Jisung and moves to the other side of the group.

Everyone watches you with bated breaths, all of them on the edge of your seat to find out how you’d react to the information. “Hey! I’m only a year older than him, what are you trying to say!” You playfully glare at Changbin and wrap your arm around Jisung’s shoulders, pulling him into your side. “Plus I think we’d make a cute couple,” You rest your head against his not knowing that you were actually killing Jisung with how cute you were and with the thought of you actually being into him.

“You know what they say,” Changbin puts his hands up on mock surrender, “Don’t knock it until you try it,” he’s happy the awkward silence didn’t last too long, he liked you and hoped you stayed around even after the song was finished.

“Yah!” Jisung exclaims, Changbin’s words doing nothing but embarrassing him further. “As warm as you are noo-Y/N, I don’t think this is proper position.” You drop your arm to your side, letting him stand up straight. “Wouldn’t want the others to get jealous or anything,” he tries to play off his own embarrassment by making fun with the others.

“Right, right,” You play along, hoping to have melted away his embarrassment. You knew how bad rejection hurt and wouldn’t wish the feeling on anyone, plus he was cute. “Anyway,” you clap your hands together again, “I’ll be by bright and early...around noon...around two?” Everyone gives you a thumb up, they had been up since four this morning and would very much need the extra rest and time to clean their dorm incase you decided to come by. “Okay I’ll be around tomorrow at two, and we can start making a beat. There’s no need to rush...” you eye the bunch, softly smiling as they clung on to your every word, you were going to like them.

“It’s late so we’ll be heading to bed, it was so nice to meet you,” Chan is the first to grab your hand, giving it a firm shake before rushing out the practice room. They all follow his course of action, exiting the room quickly until you and Jisung were the only ones in the practice room. You suddenly realize what the others had done, leaving the two of you alone.

“Well...” Jisung whistles, looking awkwardly around the room.

“Listen, about all that earlier, I didn’t mean to embarrass you or anything. I was trying to do the exact opposite believe it or not...” you shove your hands in the pockets of your sweats and pretend to kick something on the ground.

“Oh I wasn’t embarrassed just overwhelmed,” Jisung naws on his bottom lip, hands clenching into fists at his sides. “It’s just, I really like you, which probably sounds really weird because I’ve obviously never met you but I really like you and you’re so talented at everything you do and you’re so pretty and it makes me-“ you put your hand over his mouth, cheeks split into the biggest grin.

“I get it! I get it!” You drop your hand to your side. “Don’t worry about it, you’re really pretty too,” you wink at him, and he nearly faints. “Please don’t faint!” You grab his arms in hope to keep him up straight.

“I won’t, I won’t,” he reassures you, his flushed face a dead give away that your words carried more weight than you’d ever know. “It’s just-“

“Don’t you dare,” you let him go, holding up your hands before he breaks off into a ramble again. “Look, I don’t usually write raps for upbeat songs, you’d know better than anyone else...I’m more of a slow and sensual kind of person so I’m going to need a lot of help.” You nudge him, hinting that you’d be more than happy for him to help you.

“I would love to help you! You can come around earlier tomorrow if you want! I’ll be up! I’ll wake up at any time of the day for you!” You giggle and pinch his cheek. He was so cute.

“Ah! I’ll see you tomorrow, at two! You need to sleep!” You bend over and pick up your dance bag. “I mean it Jisung! Sleep or I’ll ask Changbin to help me!”

“No! I’ll sleep! I’ll go to sleep right now!” Jisung exclaimed, watching you walk out of the dance room, the biggest smile on his face.

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dailyaudiobible · 5 years

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04/18/2019 DAB Transcript

Joshua 16:1-18:28, Luke 19:1-27, Psalms 87:1-7, Proverbs 13:11

Today is the 18th day of April. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I'm Brian. It is great to be here with you for another day, another time that we can come in out of the cold or the heat or whatever but just come around the light of this global campfire and let God speak to us through His word. So, we’re reading from the New Living Translation this week and out today as we go back into the Old Testament we’ll read Joshua chapters 16, 17, and 18.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word, we thank You for all of the ways that it speaks to us, how it touches every part of our lives at one point or another. It penetrates deep within our thoughts and motives. It penetrates deep into our hearts, our emotions. It speaks into our relationships with each other. It leads us on the narrow path that leads to life. It leads us to You. And, so. we thank You for Your word. Father, as we’re here in this week that the ends the season of Lent that also commemorates Your death and burial and resurrection, we enter into this fully here on this Thursday, a day that has been called Maundy Thursday to represent Your last meal with Your friends where You washed their feet and modeled for us to be great in God's kingdom is to be the servant. So, come Holy Spirit as we contemplate these things today and as we continue to sit with the question from yesterday. “What do You want me to do for You?” Come Holy Spirit into these questions, into these contemplations as we move into these holy days that commemorate our very salvation. Come Jesus we pray. In Your mighty name we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, its where you find out what is going on around here. So, be sure to stay tuned and stay connected.

Of course, what is going on around here is exactly what we were just talking about in the prayer. These days that are in front of us, we can go through them and they can just be other days as the clock continues to spin and the world continues to rotate around the sun, they can just be other days, but these days are given to us all throughout our church history to remember the magnitude of what happened on our behalf, the magnitude of the impact on the world, the magnitude of the impact of our eternity. And, so may we drink deeply of this time.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There is a link that lives on the homepage. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that is it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

It’s Dustin from Spokane Washington and it’s Friday April 12th and I just listened to the Daily Audio Bible and wow that was a good episode. I pretty much cried during both of them, my phone just downloaded it twice for some reason. Anyways, I just wanted to thank you Brian, thank you Blind Tony, thank you everyone who participates in creating the podcast and thank you for everyone that calls in. Whenever you ask for prayers I pray right then for you in your name and in Jesus’ name and that’s pretty much it. Oh, and, Brian I love you too. I just wanted to say that. I don’t think enough people say that enough. I know you say that every episode. Just another one back at you. Anyways, I love all you and take care. Bye.

Hello, my name is Don Perry, I’m calling for my son Tyler Davidson. Tyler has been diagnosed with bipolar schizo-affective disorder and he has been battling this and struggling with this for the last five years. He refuses to take his medication and has tried to self-medicating with alcohol and his life is spiraling out of control once again. He’s been in jail over this issue. He’s been in several mental institutions. He can’t get his life together because of this problem and its characteristic for this type of diagnosis that they will start taking their medications, they think they’re okay, and that they will just stop taking them because they don’t need them anymore. They get their life together and they don’t remember how it was before they started taking the medication. I raised him in church, he is a godly child, and he is a sweet, sweet man. He’s 25 years old now and I still, as a mother of course, moms always see the little boy inside of their child as they grow up forever and, you know, I just I know he’s just got so much of to give to God and to the world. And, you know, so my prayer is that you will please pray for my son. I don’t know what to do. I am putting this in God’s hands. I just thank you so much. Bye-bye.

Hey DAB family, my name is Scott, I live in Fresno California and I’m calling today…I don’t call very often but I was gonna call in for friend. Anyway, I have one particular friend who has been married for 30 years and they’ve had a lot of struggles and challenges in their marriage but this past week my friends wife asked him to leave and it’s kind of blowing him away and it kinda blows me away but in a lot of ways I see this a lot with some other people. I have, oh shoot, at least three people around me who are involved in some kind of situation like this and, honestly, sometimes I start feeling like, why bother if people just decide to do what they’re gonna do. And even with my friend that I’m mentioning to you, as I see some of my other friends and I come around him to talk with him, it doesn’t seem like there’s an awareness or even a desire to press in and pray for my friend. I want to pray for his wife. And for some reason she’s just shut down. And I’ve known my friend for a while, he’s a good guy. It’s just they’re two different people, you know. And, so, I guess I just ask that that where two or more are gathered, you know, we lift up this couple, this relationship. Lord, I just…I just ask that you bring them back…

Good morning my beautiful sisters and brothers. This is Don calling from New York but I’m actually calling from the More Conference on Sunday morning as we pack up to leave today. And my heart is so full and I’m so grateful. Thank you, thank you, for all of you who have been praying for us. This was very likely one of the most beautiful, well-crafted, __ precious women’s event that I’ve ever gone to, truly lovely, beautiful team, you amaze me, each of you, you really acted like one unit. It was pretty impressive to watch the way you all were with one another. Thank you so much for all the beautiful preparation. I wish I could tell each one of you what your contributions, your testimonies, meant to me. I want to note, Bonnie, your mentioning secondary losses was pretty incredible. And Ireland, when I think of you and your face I’m going to continue to smile because you make me smile. Communion together was very, very precious. Thank you so much for everyone praying. All right, I want to give a few shout outs to some of the lovely people I met, all my sisters on the bus on the way in, the shuttle bus from the airport. Danielle __ and her mom, dynamic duo, and Angie and the others. We all said we were gonna call in a little more, we’re gonna try. So, I’ll be listening for your voices. Angie from Salt lake City, I’m carrying you home in my heart girl. Jennifer and the beautiful friend from Canada game who came and I love you beauties in the back row. It was great to worship with you. Beth from Texas, __ with a rocking chair, thank you sweetie. Terry and Jenna who prayed with me. God bless all of you. So many sweet, sweet people I met. And especially it was wonderful to have time with God and the Holy Spirit. Thank you for all of you praying for us and thank you to the beautiful team.

Good morning this is Bridget from New York City. I’m calling to pray for Luke and Sharon. Dear Lord, we just pray for Luke right now Father God and I ask You Lord God that every time he comes into Your presence Lord to read Your word that You would cover that time Father God for him. Lord I just pray that as he gets distracted, as his mind becomes renewed Father that he would not allow distractions to keep him from reading Your word but would continue to read the Scripture over and over and over, following that he receives what You desire to give him through that Scripture Lord God. For Sharon, my sister, my husband, he smokes, and he has even dabbled with different types of things and my father was like that. I’ve been raised as a child by my father…not…exactly the same you experienced it but what God has taught me is that it all roots back to sin and the fact that the people that hurt me didn’t know God. Because of my mother’s choices, she allowed strangers to live in her home, which caused for those strangers to molest me and to do things to me from childhood up and my mother was an alcoholic and it all roots back to sin. And what God has taught me with my husband, in the past I personalized his smoking with him not loving me and that’s not the truth. So, I pray Father that You would reveal the truth to Sharon Lord about why her husband drinks and that she would not personalize it because You don’t personalize it God. But that she would see him from the broken place that he’s in God and that she would try to love him from that place and that through that You would deliver him God. In Jesus’ name.

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angel5081 · 6 years

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After Review

I read this book forever ago and posted the review on my website, but I decided I would rather put my reviews for things on here for free than pay monthly for a website so here you go. Also the trailer I talk about is the teaser trailer.

If you've read this book you either loved it or hated it. If you've only recently come across this book it's probably because you saw the trailer and you were interested. The trailer in question starts off with the main character Tessa telling you something that is meant to be profound, and it kept me watching so I guess it was doing something right. However, the trailer then shows you several steamy scenes between Tessa and her "love interest" Hardin with Ariana Grande's' Dangerous Woman playing in the background (if you're wondering why the trailer was so familiar rewatch the first Fifty Shades of Grey trailer only the Fifty Shades trailer was more interesting in my opinion). Speaking of Hardin, let's talk about that trainwreck.

In the book, Hardin is a grade-A asshole. The more intimate his relationship with Tessa gets the more toxic and abusive he gets. He gets borderline aggressive when he sees Tessa even blink in another guys direction. He tricks her into signing a lease with him which not only binds them legally to an apartment but he also manages to isolate her from her friends in college by doing so. They fight all the time over the simplest things (I realize couples fighting isn't abusive, but Hardin blowing up when Tessa asks simple questions is). At the start of Tessa and Hardin's' relationship, the two were messing around behind Tessas' boyfriend Noahs back. When Tessa showed a willingness to break up with Noah for Hardin he makes fun of her and harshly reminds her he doesn't date. However, when she leaves him still asleep one morning after one of his drunken rampages Hardin storms into Tessas' dorm where Noah also happened to be and forced her to tell him what she and Hardin had been up to. Hardin blames Tessa constantly for the terrible way he acts and is quick to guilt her into not leaving him the second she shows any sort of resistance. That being said I almost feel bad for Hardin. Until he was ten years old he had to deal with an alcoholic father and witnessing his mother be raped by several men. That's enough to do severe damage to a growing mind. You would think something like that would keep someone away from anything self-destructive like that but that isn't always the case. However, I believe that a horrific past will never be an excuse for someone's toxic actions.

Now I'm not here to simply pick apart Hardin's' toxic personality, I'm here to also pick apart Tessa’s. Tessa cries a lot and she keeps going back to Hardin even though she knows the lovey-dovey Hardin disappears the second Tessa says the wrong thing. Of course, going back to the abuser is easier than finding someone new. Especially after the abuser isolates you from friends and family (I don't really care about the family part because Tessa's mom was abusive in her own way). The part that annoys me is that every time Tessa acts like she really doesn't want to be around Hardin anymore she goes right back to him the second he's angry and drunk. She is warned several times by her friends and even Hardin himself that he will hurt her and in Hardin's words he will "Ruin her." She was very paranoid about Hardin cheating on her if the "slut" (lord help us) of the story was even in the same building as Hardin. More on that later.

Like Hardin, you could say Tessa’s personality could be because of her childhood as well. Like Hardin, Tessa grew up with an alcoholic father until she was ten. Then she grew up groomed to have the perfect life as an adult. The perfect career, the perfect husband, and the perfect attitude. If anything was less then perfect her mother would criticize Tessas' actions or appearance. That is enough to make anyone willing to do whatever it takes to please other people. It also made Tessa a bit of a control freak at times. This is also why Tessa feels the need to constantly think insulting things about the way other female characters dress, act, and overall present themselves. So much for Girl Love.

Something that I would like to touch on briefly is the use of Tessa’s full name Theresa. When Hardin first calls Tessa Theresa she tells the reader that the name Theresa reminds her of her father whom we later learn was an alcoholic. Hardin, despite saying he doesn't drink at the beginning of the book proves otherwise. He is continuously getting drunk because of Tessa (or so he says). He calls her Theresa just like her father did which allows us to draw parallels between the two men. There are two reasons why I only wanted to mention this subject briefly. One being that Tessa’s father is not blamed for the reason behind Tessas' dislike for the name in the Wattpad addition. The second reason is that later Tessa tells Hardin that only "family and friends" can call her Theresa. So either that was a mistake on Anna Todd's part or Tessa just wanted to remind Hardin that he was neither at first because she does let him call her Theresa later on.

Alright now onto the topic of slut-shaming. Like most books originating from Wattpad there was, of course, our "slut" or as I like to say "girl who was sleeping with a guy before the main character appeared and now all the sudden she's expected to back off". The character in question goes by the name of Molly. Of the little group of "friends" Tessa finds herself involved with, Molly is the character that will sleep with any guy in the story including Hardin. Molly sleeping around isn’t something I take issue with, it's the fact that Tessa and Steph (Molly's friend and Tessas' roommate) continuously slut-shame her for sleeping around with Hardin when he never stated that he and Tessa were exclusive and when it's known that Hardin sleeps around with whoever he wants. Of course, he doesn't get shamed for it through. Tessa is only ever warned that that is something he just does. Which is totally an ok thing to do if you have a little extra between your legs.

Then, of course, the big plot twist at the end of the book (not the Wattpad version) is that Tessa and Hardin’s entire relationship was based on a bet Hardin and every member of this “friend” group made. The bet was started because at the beginning of the book Tessa had mentioned being a virgin despite having a longtime boyfriend. So the race was on between Hardin and Zedd (a character I actually liked) to see who could take Tessa’s virginity first. The icing on the cake is that whoever takes Tessa’s virginity has to have proof, which in Hardin’s case are some bloody sheets and a used condom. Disgusting to say the least. To keep Tessa from finding out about the bet Hardin convinces everyone to keep their traps shut and even went so far as to get into a fight with Zedd. Despite Hardin’s noble efforts, Tessa does find out because she goes to meet up with Steph and finds everyone else there too. Molly leads the group in forcing Hardin to spill the beans. And because Tessa has some sense, after all, she wants out of the relationship. For some psychotic reason, Hardin thought that if the two lived together Tessa would be alright with the fact that their relationship was based off a bet. Like he genuinely believed that as long as they were living together in an apartment where both of their names were on the lease Tessa would be like “LOL this kind of thing happens all the time so of course, I’ll stay with you.” How delusional do you have to be?

I want to point out that this book was (according to the Kindle app on my table) 585 pages. That’s a pretty beefy book for its genre. What’s ridiculous though is that there are three more books in the series PLUS a fourth prequel book that is told by Hardin (an engrossing read I’m sure). I could understand two books in a series and then maybe a prequel but anything more kind of just feels a little unnecessary. I’m also very curious as to how on earth this book is going to be a successful movie. I think it could be if they get rid of the slut-shaming and Hardin’s entire personality. As in making him a lot less crazy. Keep his tragic childhood and maybe even his drinking problems, but leave the manipulation and if-a-guy-even-looks-at-Tessa-I’ll-break-his-face attitude in the book. I don’t mind a little bit of protectiveness in a relationship, but damn that was not it sis.

I might read the second book just to see how long Tessa stays mad at Hardin (if it’s for the same amount of time as the thousands of times she was mad at him in After I’m guessing they’ll be back together by Chapter Three). The only way this series could get any better would be if Tessa and Hardin get some therapy as individuals and then maybe some as a couple.

What did you think about the book? Do you think Tessa will hold out on Hardin until Chapter Three or will she gain some kind of self-respect and get a restraining order? Feel free to comment your thoughts below!

#after #tessa x hardin #hessa

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poor-sickies · 6 years

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my thoughts on s8

Ever since Friday, all I’ve been seeing on Tumblr is most people hating on this last season of Voltron.

While I understand some of the criticisms people are making (and even having some others myself) I did enjoy this season. After rewatching the whole thing yesterday, I now have a clearer idea of what I think about it, so I’ll be leaving my thoughts under the read more.

I just wanted to say that, liking it or not, I’ve had an amazing two years watching these characters grow and this story developing. Voltron made me want to start writing again, made me start drawing fanart for the first time ever, and made me want to connect with so many people on this website. Some of the best friends I’ve known I met because of our shared love for this series, and I’m forever thankful for that.

I’d like to continue my journey here with the least amount of negativity as possible. Even if the show did not correspond 100% with what I would have liked, I think that’s where the beauty of fanfic lies in.

Voltron is one of my favorite series ever. Is it perfect? No. There are inconsistencies, plot holes, some arcs that are rushed and not well thought maybe. But the world building, the characters, the story, it all made me fall in love with it. The creators and voice actors seem like genuinely amazing people, and I’m forever thankful for this reboot Even if it’s not perfect, even if there’s a lot I don’t agree with (and not only this season, I mean the entire thing), I still think it’s terrible that people are harassing the staff the way they are, and the way they have been from early on.

I like to enjoy my quiet and peaceful and respectful place in this fandom for a reason. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, of course, but voicing them thoughtfully and respectfully is a very different thing from bullying and insulting the staff, and everyone else who might have diferent thoughts. I will continue writing fanfic for this series for as long as it brings me joy, and having this blog and interacting with my followers here has brought heaps of happiness in some very troubling and sad times for me. All in all, the series is finished, and I can honestly say, I had a very good time watching it.

So my thoughts are:

> on Allurance: I started shipping it since s5, and even harder after s6. I think they had an awesome development throughout the whole thing, and I was so happy to see them dating right away on episode 1. We had the oportunity to see a bit of their relationship, and their moments were adorable. Lance was so worried, so supoortive and caring, and it brought out the best of him.

> on the Zarkon/Honerva/Lotor backstory: I’m really glad everything was explained in much more depth. I’ve started to feel a very deep compassion for these three that I didn’t have before, and Lotor’s death hit me much harder now that we got his and Honerva’s full backstory. Very cool of Voltron to have these three complex and well developed villains. I now want to write more for Lotor ahah

> on Allura’s sacrifice: I can’t say I was surprised, after those leaks came out with her statue in the back, but oh man, especially aftet that goodbye scene, it was a hard blow. I loved it storywise, but I feel so sad for Lance. Allura was never a character I really connected with as much as let’s say, Keith, especially for the first couple of seasons. I think it was only after s3 that she started growing a little on me, but even after that, she was always kind of indifferent to me (idk man, sometimes you just click with other characters more), but for some reason, I always did enjoy her arcs in the series - her journey on becoming a paladin, her struggle in accepting that not all Galra were evil and not all Alteans were good, the Oriande alchemy thing, her brief romance with Lotor, her slow burn romance with Lance, and this final sacrifice. It is always upsetting to see your favorite character go, I can understand that, but you cannot deny that she had a good run. A good story.

> on the ending: that’s where most of my criticism would come. I’m pretty sure that most of those stills after the credits were added at last minute, and on one hand, I would have liked it to just end with that final scene of them saying goodbye to the lions during the night. It felt like an amazing open end, with very beautiful and inspiring imagery. Concerning the stills, I’m a little torn - Pidge’s and Hunk’s ending felt adequate (and oh my God, Matt’s hair is so adorable, I don’t care what people say, I love him with any hairstyle). Keith’s ending, and the Blades becoming an humanitarion organization felt a bit off to me. It just doesn’t seem like the kind of work the Blades and Keith would engage in. As for Lance’s ending, I’m still considering it - I don’t mind it too much, but I still would have liked him to be happy with someone else, and end up doing something with a little more... action in it. I think my ideal ending for him and Keith would be for them to end up as instructors at the Garrison, or carrying on with whatever was needed in space. Being role models for the next generation would fit them both so well, and I would have loved to see that. Shiro’s ending was one that was very clearly a last minute addition, and that’s mostly what made me not like it. I can understand him wanting to step away from the action and rest (even though I would have prefered an ending similar for what I described for Keith and Lance), but just pairing him up with Curtis felt like a very rushed and not well thought move. I also missed a lot of Keith and Shiro interactions, I felt there were barely any this eason, and it saddens me a lot. I’m not a hardcore Sheith shipper, and I’m not even a hardcore shipper in Voltron, because I think there are so many good pairings that I find it hard to find one to cling to, but platonically or romantically, Shiro and Keith’s dynamic is one of my favorites, and this last season was definitely lacking. I did love that picture with all of them grown up. It was beautiful and heartwarming, and Allura’s absence still hurts a little, but I loved it all the same.

#vld #vld s8 #a speaks #not whump

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kelleyschorn · 6 years

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Kelley Reviews: Forever Fantasy Online

Honestly I’m behind still on my movie reviews but I finished this book last week (read by the talented Josh Hurley courtesy of Audible) and I could not stop thinking about it! This book is the first in a series and written by one of my current favorite authors, Rachel Aaron and her husband, Travis Bach. Can I just say, RELATIONSHIP GOALS. This story to me felt like Sword Art Online but different and better! It follows two siblings, Tina and James, as they play their favorite virtual reality game: Forever Fantasy Online, or FFO as they refer to it in the book.

Both siblings use the game to escape their not-so-ideal actual realities. Tina is a college student, working hard to stave off loans and James is the failure older brother who blew through both of their college funds and now works multiple jobs. The game makes them feel more alive, until they get stuck there. Here is where Rachel and Travis’ mastery of wielding a full cast of memorable characters really began to shine.

Tina is stuck in a hard side of the world filled with monsters to fight and surrounded by less than competent fighters with which to fight them, but that doesn’t stop her from being the in-game leader she’s been playing for the past few years. Tina is an amazing leader and, for me, it was really really cool to read about a strong female warrior leader who wasn’t annoyingly bossy, was competent, and above all strong. Though James’ timeline was my favorite to read, Tina was my favorite POV character because of all her amazing qualities.

James ended up on the opposite side of the world stuck in the savannah inhabited by cat-people. The reason James’ storyline was my favorite was because, though his situation was still dire, it was less immediate life or death like Tina’s and I got to see more of the world and learn more about the true nature of their situation through his eyes. Shout out slash special mention of my favorite side character: Arbati. (Forgive me if I spelled this wrong, I listened to the audiobook so I’m taking a guess here). The head warrior had such a strong personality and character arc in this book and I loved every minute of it.

When I first started reading this, I reached out to Rachel to ask if she and Travis had split up the writing by character—I asked this because, at first, James reminded me a lot of Rachel’s character, Julius from her Heartstikers series—however, Rachel informed me that they both wrote both characters. That shows the true talent of both of those people right there. I tore through this book. I tore through this book in two and a half days. And that CLIFF HANGER oh my gosh! All I can say is that I am so thankful they are fast writers! According to their websites the next one comes out Fall of 2018! Ya’ll rock!

Overall I would definitely recommend this book. I devoured it and the pace was nonstop, there were no lulls, no real “stopping points” which made it so hard to put down! Also for sure check out Rachel’s Heartstrikers series because it is also absolutely amazing and devourable.

WARNING: The rest of this review contains HELLA SPOILERS in which I discuss more in depth what did and didn’t work for me in this book so if you haven’t read this book PLEASE LEAVE.

WHAT WORKED

The concept. I have to say I was very worried when I first read the description of this book because it sounded like the exact plot of Sword Art Online (an anime), but it so isn’t. The concept that somehow this “virtual world” was a real world and that all of the NPC’s (Non Player Characters) were stuck in the game is so original and, when I figured that out in the book, so mind blowing! Because the concept was so strong the plot was even stronger. Both of them fighting for their lives and for a world that they don’t belong to and yet they feel like they do because they’ve spent a good portion of their lives in it. So good.

The characters and themes. I raved about them already above but, once again, I love TINA. She is so strong and such a good leader. I also love that she is a giant 800 pound rock lady. AKA a female main character who isn’t the societal definition of beauty—I don’t know if they did that on purpose but I appreciated that. I also really liked NicoBaby and SilentBlade. I love Nico’s personality a lot, again with the distinct characters and Rachel and Travis just knocking them out of the park! Seriously can’t gush enough about how much I love their characters. SB is such a little mystery ninja and I can’t wait to learn the answers to all the questions that were set up about him in this first book. Is he a forty year old man with as many cats? Is he a celebrity? Honestly I don’t know what they’re going to do here since we don’t really know anyone else important in Tina’s life from the outside (yet). So either he’ll be someone shocking, like a girl instead of a guy, or a forty year old cat-man, or he’ll be someone shocking from her real life that we find out about later, those are my predictions anyways. I loved every single character in James’ storyline. Every. Single. One. Arbati was so fun to watch change. One of my favorite moments with him was when James when to see him in the wagon on the way back to the clans and he broke down about how many times he had died. That was such a powerful moment and it made my heart ache for him. Speaking about theme, I loved how you can really tell what is important to these writers by the themes in this story (and in Heartstrikers). They fight racism through James with Arbati and the Knolls (Nolls? Again, audiobook, I’m so sorry). They also show the power of diplomacy and the use of words to open understanding rather than violence. And with Tina they showed that if you use enough force, people can and will be motivated to save their own lives!

Honorable mentions that I won’t get into or else this review would be hella long: The intricate and creative settings. The fact that the villain has a (glimpse of a) heart. The super cool magic system. The super cool way that the rules of the game intertwined with reality once they were stuck.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK

The characters. Just some minor things because as I said before, these characters have captured my heart! James reminded me A LOT of Julius from the Heartstrikers series. His voice and the way he thought, the way he values diplomacy over violence, were very similar and even to the fact that he is considered to be a failure by his family. I will say though, he gives a lot less diplomatic speeches than Julius did which is the one thing I didn’t care for about Julius so that’s a plus. Don’t get me wrong, I still love James, it’s just that the similarities were there and I couldn’t help but make the connection.

The timeline. This threw me off. I’m not sure if it was because, in listening to most of this book while at work (hehe) I might have missed an explanation, or if it just wasn’t there but the game characters claim to have been stuck in this game for 80 years. The book never mentions how long FFO has been out in Tina and James’ world, or if it does, it’s at the beginning when we don’t know that that detail is important to remember, but I feel like it hasn’t been out for 80 years. Maybe it was 8 years and every one year in “our world” equals 10 years in the “game world”? Neither Tina nor James point out the strangeness of this and there isn’t a conversation about it. Again, I could have missed it because of the whole Audiobook at work thing so let me know if this is the case.

The SB Tina ship. This mostly works for me. Mostly. I think that a lot of it was told rather than shown and that more showing of their chemistry, especially maybe in some more reaction scenes (if we think of scenes as action/reaction) when there is less imminent death then that might help in the next book. Also I’m so worried about how the heck will they get together when they are no longer attracted to each other?? (This isn’t a part that didn’t work it’s just a worry that I have in general, I really liked that detail a lot actually.)

OVERALL: I loved this book! I can’t stop recommending both it and Heartstrikers to everyone I know and I can’t wait to see what happens next! Their writing inspires me to write more and write better. I know this review was a little long but I couldn’t help it!

Next up: Incredibles2 and maybe I’ll review It by Stephen King and maybe I’ll see Jurassic world even though I hated the last one and I know this one will be bad. We’ll see.

#foreverfantasyonline #ffo #rachel aaron #rachel bach #travis bach #Heartsrikers #book review

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junker-town · 4 years

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NBA Top Shot, the new crypto highlight phenomenon, explained

Everyone is buying highlights ... but why?

Take a stroll around social media and you’ll see no shortage of people talking about “NBA Top Shot,” a collectible, blockchain-based highlight repository that has been around since July of 2019, but caught fire in the last week with over $50M in revenue hauled in by people still trying to get in on the ground floor of the pseudo crypto currency.

The scarcity is what is bringing people in to Top Shot, and the system is going wild. Right now the highest-priced Top Shot available for auction is a block by Zion Williamson against the Nuggets from January, 2020 — with a ludicrous asking price of $250,000.

It’s addictive and exciting for those involved, and to outsiders the dumbest thing in the world. Why are people paying for trading card-esque “packs” of random highlights, which you can watch for free on YouTube, with no material value? Is this the future of sports collectibles, or a massive grift? And will early adopters be millionaires in 10 years, or the new generation of Beanie Baby collectors?

What is NBA Top Shot?

NBA Top Shot in an online-only collection of NBA highlights which can be obtained by buying “packs” or purchased via auction. Think of it like buying sports cards, but in video form. You might crack a pack and get a highlight of a Steph Curry three-pointer, which is only being produced 99 times. When those 99 clips are gone nobody else will ever get that same highlight, and Top Shot claims you’ll own that clip forever.

The clips are created through Blockchain, which is the same technology that powers Bitcoin, Etherium, and other cryptocurrencies. I’ll spare you doing an extremely poor job trying to explain complicated Blockchain technology, which you can read in detail about here, but the important part is that it’s completely encrypted, impossible to hack, and ensures that it’s impossible to duplicate these files. So, for whatever it’s worth, when you buy an NBA Top Shot it is absolutely yours as a collectible.

So, for the price of an entire house, you could instead buy a highlight of Zion blocking a shot, that exists only on the internet, and can only be bought and sold on Top Shot.

Before you say “well, people can ask whatever they want, it doesn’t mean they get it,” understand that Top Shots of Zion Williamson and LeBron James both sold last week on the site for $100,000 each.

So you can make money off NBA Top Shot?

Theoretically yes, but it’s a little more complicated than you might expect. The tech behind Top Shot is a product of Dapper Labs, a Blockchain service that boasts on its own website that it “uses the power of play to deliver blockchain-based experiences that are made for you and ready for the real world.” What this means is that the NBA and a Blockchain service teamed up to replicate the sporting card market in an online medium, replicating scarcity and rarity to turn these moments into a commodity.

Yes, you can put funds into your account, buy and sell Top Shots and you can have the ability to pull the money out and put it in your bank. However, this is far from the utopia it might seem like at first.

There are three tiers of packs you can buy:

Common ($9): Nine common moments, which all have production of 1000+, with no maximum.

Rare ($22): Seven common moments, one rare moment, which has a maximum production of 999 clips.

Legendary ($230): Six common moments, three rare moments, one legendary moment, which has a production maximum of 99 clips.

There is not an unlimited amount of packs available. Instead they’re released in limited sized “drops” that can sell out, imagine a bunch of PS5s arriving at Walmart and trying to rush at get one. That’s the basic concept here. This ensures the market isn’t saturated, and the scarcity is maintained. Right now that’s driven the system to a fever pitch. Common moments are selling for $20-30 on average right now, meaning yes, if you get a pack drop you’re able to make money immediately — and good money at that. Assuming you’re lucky enough to get a pack.

However, we don’t know how the market will adapt when more are in the wild. Basic logic tells you that if something is bought at an average of 36 cents, it shouldn’t be able to sell for $20 for an indefinite amount of time. Every time there’s a pack drop and more moments are added into the economy the price will be driven down, especially on lesser players or more undesirable moments.

For now, it’s the golden era of Top Shot — especially for people who got in on the ground floor back in 2019 and might have a massive repository of moments. There will undoubtably be stories of people becoming millionaires off Top Shot, and there will be tales of those who were left holding the bag when the eventual crash happens, and the market corrects itself.

So why are people so addicted to Top Shot?

What the NBA and Dapper Labs have created is the perfect storm. A beautiful user interface that marries the thrill of collecting sports cards, with the promise of participating in cryptocurrency. It’s just happened to blow up at the perfect time.

The Covid pandemic trapping people at home got millions of people interested in pursuits they otherwise wouldn’t be, and we witnessed at the back-end of 2020 how many new traders were flooding the stock market. Robinhood boasted introducing a stunning 13 million new traders, and the recent GameStop stock frenzy pushed the idea of trading further into the mainstream.

Lots of people might be confused, or intimidated by the stock market — but they understand the NBA, its players, and feel they have more control over the commodities they’re buying. Plus, Top Shot keeps the carrot on the stick there for the promise of financial independence.

Everyone has FOMO from failing to buy into Bitcoin when it was selling for less than $1, before now swelling to its current value of $53,000, and we’ve seen this with the recent proliferation of Doge Coin, an ostensibly worthless meme coin people are sinking money into now, out of the same dream to see it hit big. Every time new technology like Top Shot enters the market there will be interest, and people believing they can set themselves up for life.

While that possibility remains, it’s also impossible to see the future of the market. Perhaps it will stick around and become a staple of the Blockchain, or people will lose interest and be stuck with dozens of moments they sank real money into, with no market to sell it back to. This is the risk of participating in anything like this, but for now Top Shot is on fire and people are eating it up.

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missingverse · 7 years

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Missing Chapter Twenty-Two

Author's note: I'm going to be a cheeky wee git and spam the link to my novel here, for a limited time you can get it for free on Kindle. I only ask that if you do, you leave an honest review afterwards. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07BGSPPBY

And now, back to the angst wagon!

…..

The first Arnold knew of the story finally breaking was scrolling through clickbait websites absently while downing his breakfast, when the words SHOT IN THE HEAD AS SHE TRIED TO ESCAPE screamed across the screen of his phone. He nearly dropped it in his oatmeal.

Wasn't Plaskett supposed to warn me about this?

As soon as he recovered (somewhat), he rang Phoebe.

“I know, I saw it an hour ago,” she told him.

“Why didn't you call me?” Arnold growled, rooting around for his shoes.

“It was six am, I didn't think your grandparents would appreciate me waking up the entire house.”

“A text, then. I had to read it on fucking Pebbledash, of all places!”

“All right, I'm sorry,” she admitted. “I'm on my way to the hospital now, hopefully there won't be too many journos there yet. Can you field any questions at school?”

“You think I'm going to school?” Arnold scoffed, finding his missing shoes and stuffing his feet into them as fast as possible. “I'm getting the next bus out.”

“No, don't,” she said. “Call Plaskett, he'll give you a lift. He hasn't left yet but he said he was going in the next hour.”

“You called him but not me?”

“He called me. Stop sulking.”

…..

“There was a leak,” Plaskett admitted, grumbling into his coffee as he drove. “Some orderly at the hospital overheard the doctors talking, the press were on it like flies on shit.”

“How bad is it?” Arnold asked, bracing himself.

“Well, if she was still catatonic it would be a disaster,” Plaskett mused. “And if she hadn't made so much progress....she might even be up for a press conference. What do you think?”

“Why are you asking me? Isn't this your specialty?”

“You know her better than I do,” Plaskett shrugged. “She seems to have most of her memory back, she's in decent physical health, and her doctors haven't reported any anomalies. It's hard to know unless someone who knows her well can say she's pretty much back to normal.”

What is normal, exactly?

“I can't really say,” Arnold said, after thinking it over. “I think the only person who knows if she can get through a press conference is Helga herself. I mean, she seems fine but she was always keeping things bottled up...”

“That's what I was worried about,” Plaskett sighed. “Well, we'll just have to see....Christ, it's even worse than I thought. Bunch of vultures...”

They pulled into the hospital parking area with great difficulty, because the hospital grounds were swarming with people. Photographers, newscasters speaking to the camera with the hospital in the background, news vans with equipment shifted from space to space.

“Keep your head down and don't say anything to them,” Plaskett warned as they prepared to get out of the car. “Do you have I.D?”

“Uh, I have my student card,” Arnold answered.

“That'll do. If this place is smart, they'll have gotten in extra security.”

…..

Helga was in physiotherapy, and the nurse brought Arnold down there while Plaskett discussed the swarming press agents with the doctors.

She was wearing one of the tank tops he'd brought for her, and hospital-issue trousers. It was painful to see just how thin she was, how what little muscle she had strained as she pulled herself up on the bars to a standing position. Her jaw was clenched but she didn't make a sound.

“Don't push it,” the therapist warned. “Your body knows what it can do. Relax and breathe.”

With effort, Helga lowered herself back down into the wheelchair. She massaged her temple, just under the spot the bullet had caught.

“We'll call it a day here,” the therapist said, wheeling the chair out of the bars. “Your friend is here, he can take you back to your room.”

Helga looked up sharply, noticing Arnold for the first time.

“You caught me at a bad time,” she quipped, smoothing down her hair.

“Looked like you were doing pretty good to me,” Arnold shrugged.

Helga snorted, fidgeted in her chair.

“I'm all sweaty,” she said. “All this for two measly steps. Can you believe I used to play baseball?”

He took the handles of the wheelchair and wheeled her through the corridors, watching at the windows for any sign of a camera shutter.

“Considering you couldn't move at all for five years, I'd say two steps is good progress,” he said. “I don't think anyone would blame you if you stayed in bed forever after what you've been through.”

“No thank you,” she shuddered. “The sooner I can walk the sooner I can walk out of here.”

An icy dread trickled through Arnold's being, hearing her say that. Walk out of there to go...where exactly? Her mother was dead, her father was in jail, her sister was who knows where, and she was only sixteen. There were only so many options. At least while she was in the hospital, Arnold was sure she would be safe.

Her room was, thankfully, in the quiet wing of the hospital, away from the bubble of people near the entrance. He lifted her out of the chair and into her bed, just as Plaskett and Phoebe came in.

“Right, I've talked with both of your friends,” Plaskett began, sitting in the chair nearest the bed, looking Helga square in the eye. “They seem to think you're holding up okay, mentally at least. How do you feel?”

“Okay, I guess,” Helga shrugged.

“We can arrange a press conference for two hour's time,” he continued. “It'll give the vultures what they want, for now anyway, and they might get lost. But we'll only go forward if you want to, and we can bring the whole thing to a halt if you feel uncomfortable.”

Helga swallowed hard, clearly nervous, but she nodded.

“We can't talk in detail about what happened to you,” Plaskett warned. “No names...”

“I never knew his name anyway,” she said.

“That's a good thing, I guess. You can talk about your injuries, but no talking about who inflicted them. Say 'I was shot with a 12-gauge' rather than 'he shot me with a 12-gauge.”

“I don't know what kind of gun it was,” she said.

“Great,” Plaskett nodded. “Keep it vague. If any of the journos gets out of line, I'll shut them down. Got it?”

“I think so.”

“All right, I'll go make the arrangements. You got something to wear that's not scrubs?”

“Yes, Arnold brought me some clothes.”

“Good. Find something kind of goody-two-shoes to wear, if you can. That always plays well in the papers.”

With that, he was gone. Phoebe and Arnold exchanged worried glances; Helga sounded like she was on board, but she was visibly nervous, white and gently trembling.

“You don't have to do this,” Phoebe said. “You don't owe anyone answers.”

“No, I'd be better off getting it over with,” Helga sighed. “I need a shower. Could you call the nurse?”

…..

Helga Pataki was all anyone could talk about, in the aftermath.

She'd worn that pink blouse with the little cat heads on it with a mint-green skirt and flat ballet pumps. Phoebe had braided her hair to hang over one shoulder. It all had the effect of making her look like a strong gust of wind would blow her away.

All the same, she answered the difficult questions without flinching. She described how she had lived on raw meat, been chained to the wall and kept in a dog crate for weeks. When asked what she'd been doing in the mountains when she was taken, she answered plainly that she had a turbulent home life and the mountains was where she hid out sometimes.

She was eloquent, and spoke with clear intelligence, and the reporters lapped it up. They couldn't have asked for a more perfect victim.

At school, suddenly everyone wanted to talk to Arnold and Phoebe. Phoebe responded by skipping school; she was bright enough to miss a few days. Arnold had to put up with it all alone. It was bad enough when it was total strangers wanting to probe him for information, but most of his old friends remembered that he existed for just long enough to grill him a little extra.

“This is what you and Phoebe have been sitting on?” Rhonda said, shoving her phone in his face. “She's been alive this whole time?”

“We haven't been sitting on it,” Arnold grumbled, closing his locker and trying to walk away from her.

Her sandals clacked loudly on the linoleum; she was following him.

“Bullshit you haven't,” she snarled, right in his ear. “What are the odds I hear you and four-eyes talking about Helga and ...boom!....suddenly she's alive?”

“I know you probably won't believe this, Rhonda, but it was a huge coincidence,” Arnold sighed.

“You're right, I don't believe you,” she replied. “Four-eyes owes me an apology.”

“Well, if Phoebe owes you an apology then you owe Helga an even bigger one,” he said, turning to face her. “I can give you the hospital address, you can visit her yourself.”

Rhonda's mouth opened and closed, until she folded her arms protectively around herself, staring at the floor.

“Right, didn't think so,” Arnold quipped, pushing past her.

At home, his inbox was blowing up. People he had gotten to know on true crime forums, people who knew his connection to the case, were messaging him at a rate of three per minute. He had emails from multiple press agents. Missed calls from people who hadn't spoken to him since middle school.

He let the battery on his phone go dead and unplugged his computer. They could wait.

Olga is bound to see the news, even if the police can't track her down.

What then? Olga won't want to stay in Hillwood.

It was horribly selfish of him, but Arnold couldn't help hoping that Helga wouldn't be able to walk for a long time. Once she turned eighteen, she was free to do whatever she wanted.

…..

He didn't get a chance to visit Helga for nearly a week after the press conference, and as hoped the press at the hospital had diminished by about a quarter. The nurses greeted him as he walked around the corridors; they knew him well by now.

As he approached Helga's room, he could hear her talking with someone. Someone male: it didn't sound like one of her regular doctors, and it wasn't low and gravelly like Ambrose's voice. It wasn't Plaskett, he was in Pocaselas conferring with the police there on the Waring case load.

“...must have hit about three home runs, but poor kid couldn't run to save his life....”

It was a young man, with the easygoing relaxed tone of someone who was used to being listened to, always, no matter what he said. Someone who charmed girls effortlessly, without even knowing. Arnold opened the door and saw for himself.

Patrick Castle, movie-star-handsome in tight jeans and a loose button down shirt, was showing Helga something on his phone. She was smiling in a way Arnold had not yet seen. He felt as though he'd swallowed a large rock.

“Arnold, hi!” she called, noticing him in the doorway. Patrick looked over at him...

Was that a frown?

...and put away his phone abruptly, leaning back in his seat.

“I didn't know you were visiting today,” she said as he took the other seat in the room.

At least someone's happy to see me.

“Hey, Arnold,” Patrick said with a lazy wave and an equally lazy smile. “I was just updating Hellebelle on the goings on down at the diamond.”

The casual nickname brought out beads of cold sweat on Arnold's skin.

#hey arnold fanfiction #hey arnold #tw: crime

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kingsofeverything · 7 years

Text

2017

okay let’s see! first off, i want to start with just a general thank you to the writers, the artists, the fic reccers, the charity stuff, the websites, etc. you guys--the people who bust ass for this fandom for fucking free--i just love what you do and i’m proud to be a little part of it.

special thanks to those who’ve read my fics, recced my fics, shouted at me about my fics, sent me messages about my fics, left comments or kudos on my fics, etc. thank you thank you thank you.

below the cut because i rambled. sorry.

fics. friends. depression. art. my house. the camper. my kids. tour. louis.

those are the main things i want to touch on and idek where to start.

so fics. at the beginning of this year, i was writing ‘fall at my door’ and feeling shitty because DEPRESSION and some situational shit. i signed up for big bang, and my first exchange--the hp1d exchange, and then my second exchange--hlsummer, and then boom i decided to do 50 reasons, and tbh it’s been a fucking ride, my friends. because of fanfiction, i’ve made so many friends in this fandom, and i’m so thankful for our little corner of this absolutely bizarre world that we call the 1d tumblr fandom. i can’t name you all. i won’t even try because i’ll leave someone out and then i’ll cry. but to everyone i’ve met/talked to because of fic?? it’s a fucking pleasure knowing you. 2017 was my first full year of fic writing and just the fact that i’ve written anything at all still blows me away.

FRIENDS! okay, i just have to say that i love nic @louandhazaf and without 1d and tumblr, i’d never have known her. so, really, thanks to whoever posted the link to the treatise on gomi, because so many things in my life have changed for the better because of it. i have a friend that i want to be friends with forever :D and i can’t wait for summer to come visit!!! to all of my other friends--idek what to say. you guys make me laugh, make me think, make me proud, and change me for the better, i think. so... i love you all.

depression. okey dokey. thank you to my gc wenches. i would never have had the courage to start therapy without your encouragment, so @louandhazaf @justafatbirdonaboat @theonewiththebluemic @fratboylouie you guys mean so much to me <3 and i love you. therapy is some crazy fucked up shit, but it works, soooooo... i’m going to keep going. also, high five to wellbutrin. i’m so glad that the first med i tried worked for me.

ART! when things started to go to shit in this fandom, i started looking for fan art to distract myself and found out that our fandom is so fucking talented! i am so amazed by you guys and you really do have the ability to change my mood. when i feel like shit, i reblog art. so thank you.

my house/the camper. guys, ngl this has fucking sucked. it still sucks. we’re literally having the coldest winter in yearssssssssss and our heat broke lol. still in the camper. thank you for listening to me bitch and complain and talking to me about the bullshit surrounding this whole thing. hopefully it’ll be over soon. i do have some pics to post, so i’ll do that later.

i don’t post about them much, but i have shared a bit about my kids. homeschooling and especially dealing with my youngest and all of the shit that has happened this year from his first seizure, our visits to the neuro, the tests, etc. you guys have been so lovely. the messages and comments just sending positive thoughts mean a lot to me. thank you <3

TOUR. okay, so @fratboylouie i am so happy that i got to meet you and hang out with you for the entire fucking day while waiting for harry. and then on top of that to meet @laurabelle0624 and for us to get that bi flag passed up to harry???? y’all harry styles has my hair tie. plus i got to meet @laynefaire and @always-aqua and @roguecurls (and i feel like i’m forgetting some urls here and this is why i don’t do this!!!!!!!) and i had so much fun. it was a wonderful day and harry was amazing in his plant pants!

LOUIS. i have to end on louis. louis has changed my life in so many ways and idek where to start. his strength, his perseverance, his kindness, just his overall loving nature has made me want to be a better person. he’s made me want to try harder, to fight for myself and for other people. i honestly wish that i’d known of someone like him when i was a teenager and/or in my 20s. i just love him so much for everything that he is and everything that he does. he’s just absolutely the best person. pure sunshine and love. and i wouldn’t be here if not for louis.

anyway, this is messy and probably full of misspellings and other errors and maybe doesn’t make much sense at all, but idc. i can’t wait to say BYE to 2017 and tbh 2018 better kick ass.

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conceptofzero · 7 years

Text

diopucci week - snapshot

(set in porn au)

The first time Pucci does it by accident.

The video is eight long. It’s a selfie, or it was supposed to be. Pucci holds his thumb down a little too long, frowning as he realizes what he’s done. Then, in the background, Hol plantively whines out, “Nena, baby, I’m sorry-”

“Shove it up your ass.” Nena retorts, getting another low whine from Hol. Pucci snorts softly and doesn’t stop the video, turning the phone slightly to get a better view of Nena and Hol over his shoulder as they fight in the living room. Hol is clutching his cowboy hat to his naked chest. Nena’s in a showgirl outfit. Clearly something went wrong during filming.

“I told you, I forgot, baby, baby please, I’ll wash my dick next time-” Is about all Pucci captures before his face breaks and he lifts his thumb. He watches it with the volume turned low, and puts it on his story.

Nothing afterwards ever is an accident.

Pucci’s doing the selfie-ruse again, multi-tasking some as he checks his face for powdered sugar. His phone’s tipped to get what’s happening behind him.

Midler’s trying to feed Alessi her churro. He’s not having it, but Midler isn’t stopping either, prodding him in the cheek with the end of it. “Come ooooon. Just the tip. Just the tip."

“Fuck off.” Alessi tries to slap it out of her hand. It just leaves him open, and she pokes his mouth, leaving a streak of caramel sauce and cinnamon sugar on his face. The look of disgust on Alessi’s face is the last thing Pucci catches before the time limit on videos runs out.

Dio is looking at himself in the mirror, wearing a leotard covered in feathers and sequins. Pucci raises his eyebrows, and asks, “Where are we going to dinner again?”

“The food truck.” Dio answers and Pucci makes a face. Automatically, without even needing to glance from his reflection, Dio speaks again, “Don’t make that face.”

Pucci makes the face anyway.

A video, this time without Pucci’s face in it. It’s a shot of the ‘food truck’. The side has been spray painted over, but you can still see the plumbers logo showing through. It doesn’t have tires. It certainly doesn’t have any permits posted on the truck, or proof that a food inspector is even aware the place exists.

Dio’s ordering dinner, wearing his leotard with a cropped jacket and thigh high boots. The ‘chef’ doesn’t seem even vaguely phased.

He’s added a caption.

[This is how I die]

He doesn’t, of course. The food is good and there’s no sign of it by the time he takes another shot. They’re lying on the hood of Dio’s car, watching the sun set. Dio soaks up the setting sun. Pucci discretely films him, his head resting on Dio’s shoulder. The sound of sea gulls and waves can be heard. But the only view worth showing is Dio.

(at least, on snapchat. Instagram gets a photo of the view. It’s magnificent)

Pucci bats his eyes at the video as Telence yells in the background.

“-hard drive is dead!”

Mariah takes a drag off her smoke and blows it out. She waits for Telence to take a breath, then adds casually, “You should have grounded it.”

“I shouldn’t have to fucking ground everything because you carry around a static charge-” Telence launches back up, cut off when the video runs out of time.

Vanilla Ice is driving. He doesn’t react, not even as Oingo leans into view, his make-up making him look uncannily like Vanilla. They drive in silence for a moment, before Oingo whispers, “My own clone. Now neither of us will be virgins.”

Pucci tries to hold it in, but he can’t help but laugh in the second before he stop the video

Dio sleeps. The mood lighting shifts from red to yellow to green and blue. He looks handsome.

Dio is completely naked, standing on the roof. Midler wolf-whistles from the pool. He strikes a pose. There’s a flash behind him, someone running over the peak and down. Dio barely has time to turn before Hol plows into him, and they both falls straight into the water.

The splash is huge and Pucci curses as he quickly shields his camera from the wave.

Hours later. Hol stands in the hallway, wearing a homemade dunce cap crafted just for this occasion.

Vanilla Ice stands guard, glowering at Hol.

Midler’s already getting a selfie with Hol, who’s forgotten he’s supposed to be in trouble. He beams at Midler’s camera, copying her peace sign and wink, but not the little bit of tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth.

She takes it, looks at it, and makes him take it again. Hol’s happy to oblige.

N’Doul’s sitting in the garden, his cane across his lap. His face is tipped up towards the night sky.

“It’s rude to take pictures without permission.”

“It’s not a picture.”

He turns his head towards Pucci and gives him the most single, perfect unimpressed look he’s ever seen on anyone’s face.

“You little shit.” N’Doul remarks.

Daniel’s in the living room with a cat in his lap. He pets it, giving it a little scratch under it’s chin.

[That isn’t ours]

Off-camera, Midler is busting a gut.

“Like what?” Dio says.

“Like ‘nyah’.” Pucci repeats.

Dio brings his hand up, mimicking the motion. “Like nyah.”

“Stop!” Midler cackles.

Dio, smirking, does it again, his voice dripping with self-satisfaction, “Nyah.”

“Stoooop!” Midler loses it and Pucci can’t help but laugh a little too.

Pucci tries the selfie-tactic with Pet Shop. The director spends the entire eleven seconds glaring at Pucci, not blinking even once.

Enya and Dio are by the computer, looking at the website together. The size difference is astonishing, even with Enya on a stool and Dio leaning over. Dio has a hand on her back, and the other pointing to a video of N’Doul sliding himself down on a horse dildo.

[A tender moment]

Pucci pans around the care. They’re crammed into tight. Vanilla Ice driving, Telence on his DS beside him, and Hol against the door, with Nena in his lap. In the backseat, Mariah has Midler in her lap, with Alessi in the middle. Pucci’s in the far right, parked in Dio’s lap. When the camera comes to focus on them, Dio leans forward and settles his chin on Pucci’s shoulder, giving the camera a smoldering look.

[On our way to get food poisoning]

The food truck, once again. Everyone has tacos and churos. It’s a beautiful day.

[Gift all my earthly possessions to whoever survives]

Pucci’s lying in bed with Dio. The cycling mood lighting is on. Dio lies on his back, half-off the bed as he reads an art book. Pucci’s bare feet are in frame.

Dio doesn’t look up from his book, remarking quietly, “I never expected I could love anyone the way I love you.”

“Oh.” Pucci’s voice is soft. “Dio-”

It cuts off.

Later, much later. Dio’s lounging the proper way in bed, Pucci tucked into his shoulder.

Dio’s posed. Pucci isn’t as he looks at Dio in the camera. “I love you too.”

He captures the look on Dio’s face. It’s something he’ll treasure forever.

#diopucciweek #jjba #dio #enrico pucci #day 6

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spider-bih · 7 years

Text

Rainy Kisses

Pairing: Peter x OC [Though you can read it like a reader insert bc I don’t go into much detail on my oc’s looks]

Warnings: None- unless fluff counts? And cursing?

This is a snippet from a fic I’m writing on a different website <3

Spring break had finally arrived. It was well deserved and much needed. The first day off she had slept in until about four in the afternoon- much to her boyfriends slight disappointment. He'd swung by early to see if she wanted to go for a little coffee date, but she ended up pulling him into her bed and cuddling him close. He was tired too, but he didn't want to spend the whole day sleeping, despite how much she insisted that he needed rest, even more than she did.

He gave in easily though. She was warm and soft, wonderfully cozy in shorts and a tank top. She wrapped herself around him the minute he changed out of his suit, lulling him into a deep sleep by tracing soft little patterns on his chest through his shirt and laying her head on his chest. It was the best sleep Peter had gotten in the past few months. He didn't regret a single second of it, even if he woke up wondering what year it was.

Seeing her all curled up against him had him grinning like mad for the rest of that day. His girlfriend was adorable..

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

The next day started off more.. productively. They were actually up in the morning, and not groggily so. They set off on their favorite kind of mini-date. The kind involving coffee and sweets. It wasn't the coffee or the sweets that made it their favorite, though it was a sweet little bonus to it. It was the soft smiles and brushing fingertips. The tiny giggles and adoring glances. It was the whipped cream on his nose and the pastry crumbs on her lips that he loved to kiss away. The way she tasted sweet as sugar for an hour afterwards, adding to the already sweet taste her lips had.

He lived for that sweet taste, his own personal drug, leaving him on a high for hours to come. He lived for the feeling of her hand holding his as they walked out, the warmth in the smile she wore and the way the sunlight spilled along her bright red curls. It was a sight that often took his breath away, a sight that had him yearning to kiss her and hold her and never let go.

However, he never once considered adding rain to the mix. They'd started dating in the chilly months of the year, filled with warm sweaters and laughter. Winter had faded into spring, and as they say, April showers bring May flowers. He never expected to get caught in it on their way back, so he was surprised when it slowly but surely began to pour down on them, eyebrows furrowing as he turned to look at her. She wasn't looking at him, not yet. Instead, she was looking up at the sky, at the grey clouds it was covered in. He thought she might be a little mad, considering the rain would ruin the extra sweets they had in a brown paper bag. She was far from it, an even bigger smile pulling across her lips as she let out one of the most joyous laughs he'd ever heard from her.

In that small moment, he'd learned something new about her.

She loved rain.

Her face turned to him, still smiling and laughing, causing him to do the same. It was pretty funny, of course their luck would lead to this. Lead to them being one of the few people caught by surprise in the rain with no umbrellas- not even hoodies to shield them from the rain that fell on them. He found himself falling for her all over again, melting into the happiest puddle at the sight of her. His heart was signing and flying in his rib cage, smiling that dopey smile while she continued to giggle, tilting her head to the sky to let the rain drip onto her face, welcoming it with outstretched arms.

"This is perfect!", she cried out happily over the pouring rain.

"Yes, you are..", he found himself murmuring, not caring if he was heard. Which he was, making her pause to look at him with red cheeks.

"That's such a cliché thing to say, you dork.."

"Guess I'm cliché then.", he hummed, stepping closer to her, hands reaching up to cup her face. He was having one of those moments again. The ones where his feelings overpowered him, his usual awkward and sometimes shy demeanor falling away, a surge of confidence and pure adoration filling him instead. He angled his face slightly, lips brushing against hers, her heart bursting in her chest the moment he uttered out, "I absolutely adore you..", against her lips before pressing a kiss to them.

He sighed into her, her sweet taste making him weak at the knees. Her lips were wet from the rain, as were his, but it didn't feel as funny as he thought it might. He wasn't sure if it was because he was too into the moment or not, though, he was sure he didn't care. The sweet smell of her perfume mixed in wonderfully with the warm caramel drink she'd had earlier, drawing him in closer, making him become greedier. A soft whisper of his name had him groaning into her, gripping her face a little tighter, pressing himself a little closer to her.

His hands soon fell from her face, shifting to grip her hips tightly while her arms draped around his neck, pulling him to her, only allowing him a short break for air before pulling him in again. Greedy for his kiss, her fingers finding their way to his hair, running through his curls. He could kiss her forever, and he absolutely wanted to. He loved the feeling, loved the thought of having his entire world right before him, kissing him back with as much emotion as he was. Softly tugging at his hair, breaths becoming heavy, sometimes mumbling his name in between kisses. She had him turning to mush, thoughts swirling and spinning, yet somehow all focused on her only.

This was the longest they'd kissed without being interrupted. They were the only ones standing in the middle of the sidewalk, kissing in the pouring rain. Basically, they were being that couple. The couple that decided to ignore the world and kiss each other unashamedly in the middle of anywhere other than privacy. Though, they didn't care. Not within the slightest. Not even when a person or two speed walked past them, muttering in disgust or irritation.

Still, neither of them cared.

There was always a calm before the storm..

✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦✦

"Can't fucking believe we got sick..", Ariel hissed before blowing her nose into a tissue.

"Well- it usually happens-"

"It does not! Everyone always says you'll get sick- but it never happens! Now we're sick on our Spring Break.", she pouted, wrapping her blanket tighter around her.

He just grinned a little, even sick with a red and runny nose, she looked cute- but no matter how much he wanted to kiss her- he wasn't gonna. He was sure she'd actually hit him this time if he tried again. She'd already mushed his face four times, whining about how gross she was and how they'd never get better if they shared germs, "At least we're sick together."

"Oh so now you're optimistic? Last I heard, May said you were whining like a baby that you were dying this morning-"

"I was not!"

"I heard you over the phone, Peter. My Mom had you both on speaker."

He huffed, "Your word against mine."

"You know what?"

"What?"

"This is your fault."

"What? How is this my fault-?"

"We could've ran back to my place! But nooo, you had to kiss me! You just couldn't help yourself-"

He gave her a little glare, sniffling as he stared her way, "I didn't hear you complaining while we were kissing. I'm only hearing you now, after the fact! You could've stopped me-"

Ariel sneezed, "Its so rude of you to argue with your sick girlfriend-"

"What? You started it!"

"I did not! I'm gonna tell May on you-"

"Oh, so we're five now? Five year old tattle tales-"

"Right. Snitches get stitches. I'll get you back on my own-"

He glared again, "Go take a nap, you're acting like a child-"

"You go take a nap, I'm fine!", she huffed.

"Ariel. Your eyes are struggling to-"

"Shhhhhut up."

"I don't get enough kisses for this-"

"Well because of you, neither of us get any kisses for awhile!"

He huffed and blew a raspberry at her, earning himself a pillow to the head, "I'm keeping this one this time!"

"Rude! Give-"

"Both of you take a nap! I left for five minutes and you're acting like kids again, this is why neither of you are getting better. Ariel, you really need to sleep before your Mom comes to pick you up from work. I'm scared she might actually drag you out by your feet if you throw a mini-tantrum again."

Ariel and Peter looked to each other for a moment, then back to May, both blowing raspberries her way. She only sighed and fought back a smile.

Ah, young love-

#peter parker #peter x oc #peter parker x oc #fluff #Spider-Man: Homecoming #its the babe #fic #my fic #oc #oc: ariel #peter parker fic #peter parker fluff #peter parker fanfiction

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