“So, Stormfur,” Squirrelpaw begins, “do you have anyone waiting on you back in RiverClan?” All heads swivel towards him, expecting; Feathertail grins.
“I mean, I know Mistyfoot misses us--”
“No, I meant, like, in a romantic way.”
“Oh. Then I guess not?”
“Really?” Brambleclaw asks, and Stormfur can’t fathom why he sounds surprised by that. It makes Stormfur’s pelt feel like it’s two sizes too tight.
“I mean, I don’t think anyone has ever really thought about me like that before-”
Feathertail snorts. Before he can stop himself, he turns to face her with an accusatory look and asks, “What?”
“Ohh,” Tawnypelt drawls. “Feathertail knows something!”
“It’s nothing,” she replies, innocent. “If Stormfur doesn’t want to admit to it, I won’t force him.”
“Lame,” Crowpaw says. “Stop playing coy so that we can all go to sleep, Stormfur.”
Stormfur scowls. “I’m not playing coy. Nobody has ever had a crush on me, at least not in RiverClan.”
His answer seems to physically pain Feathertail. “Stormfur, please. If you’re going to lie about it, at least don’t go so extreme.”
“I’m not lying!” Stormfur cries, his fur fluffed in distress. “If you know something that I don’t know, Feathertail, you’re more than welcomed to enlighten me!”
Feathertail squints at her brother as a hush falls over the group. Then she asks, “Have you seriously never noticed Hawkfrost and Dawnflower fighting over you?”
If the wind would pick up just a little bit, it would be enough to knock Stormfur over.
“Two cats are mooning over you?” Squirrelpaw demands. “I only asked you to share one, and here you are with two!”
“Technically I count three cats because one time Mothwing told me that if she was into toms, she would jump Stormfur’s bones.”
The entire group starts shouting at this revelation, equal parts thrilled and scandalized. “Mothwing did not say that to you,” Stormfur accuses, only able to focus on one thing at a time.
“She totally did. She was all like, “do you think they really jumped each other’s bones?” and I said, “who knows, there’s always tension between those two”, and Mothwing said, “well, good for Hawkpaw, I would jump Stormpaw’s bones too if I was into toms”.”
“When was this?” Stormfur demands. Only a moment too late does he piece together the answer for himself, and then he panics. “Wait, don’t--”
“It was right after Leopardstar basically told the entire Clan that you and Hawkfrost snuck out of camp in the middle of the night to jump each other’s bones.”
Crowpaw inhales such a sharp breath that he begins choking on it. Brambleclaw demands, “Leopardstar did what?!”
“We were apprentices!” Stormfur rushes to defend himself. “And nothing happened! We just-- we wanted to spar, that’s all!”
Tawnypelt eyes Stormfur like he’s personally insulted her intelligence. “Stormfur, do you honestly expect us to believe that you and another cat snuck out in the middle of the night to spar?”
“We were-- you know, hot-blooded and we had a lot of emotions to work through!”
Squirrelpaw cackles. “I’m never going to complain about Firestar embarrassing me ever again!”
Stormfur fixes Feathertail with a glare because this is all her fault. “Traitor,” he hisses.
“You asked,” Feathertail replies with a shrug.
“Wait,” Crowpaw finally manages to speak, finally overcoming his coughing fit. “Who’s Dawnflower?”
“Just a friend!”
Feathertail snorts. “Stormfur saved her from drowning like two moons ago and she’s been head-over-heels for him ever since.”
“Aw,” Tawnypelt says. “That’s sweet. Way sweeter than you sneaking out and getting your bones jumped, Stormfur.”
“Can we please stop saying that?!”
Feathertail raises her voice and agrees, “It is sweet! And then it’s also very entertaining whenever Hawkfrost and Dawnflower have to be near each other to do anything because they just glare at each other the entire time and Stormfur is completely oblivious.”
The wind picks up a little bit and knocks Stormfur over. He lays in his makeshift nest and bemoans, “I can’t believe this.”
“Oh, poor you,” Brambleclaw mumbles. Suddenly he can’t even look at Stormfur anymore.
Feathertail tries to settle into the nest with Stormfur, but he pushes her away. “Make your own nest tonight,” he grumbles.
Feathertail blinks, annoyed. “You know I can’t sleep by myself!”
Crowpaw clears his throat. “I think I made my nest a little bit big--”
Stormfur moves over to make room for Feathertail, shooting her a look that clearly reads, Don’t even think about it. Feathertail rolls her eyes, good-natured, and climbs into their nest. “Thanks anyway, Crowpaw.”
Suddenly Crowpaw can’t look at him anymore, either. Stormfur is perfectly okay with that. He actually wouldn’t mind if nobody ever looked at him ever again. Stormfur wouldn’t mind if everyone just forgot that he existed, even.
Reading his thoughts, Feathertail purrs. “You’re so dramatic. As if you truly didn’t know, fish-brain.”
No, thinks Stormfur. I didn’t.
— devils roll their dice, angels roll their eyes (flesh and bone, c3)
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