#간절히

[lovingsizzu]

IWTV2022 팬아트

한동안 빠져서 즐거운 시간을 보냈더랫다

3시즌 간절히 기다리는중

[last-words-ofashootingstar]

CODE L-O-V-E

Chapter Two: TIPI-TAP

❥Yandere ATEEZ x fem reader

➽-❥in this chapter: With your second week of official idol work comes more practicing, the announcement of your group, bonding within the company, and more strange and heartwarming moments with your senior group. (Yunho, Mingi, Seonghwa, and Hongjoong centered.)

➯a/n: i'm having way too much fun with this story ngl 😭im glad it's been well received so far, hopefully you all like the direction i take it ! there's a cheek kiss in this chapter, place your bets 🤭

♫ "The code is L-O-V-E!" ♫

Masterlist

✫彡wordcount: 8.6k

♡'･ᴗ･'♡genre: SLOW burn yandere

ಠ_ಠwarning/content: only briefly proof read: self-doubt, anxiety, glimpse of readers past, mingi has no concept of personal space, seonghwa's oppa kink makes a cameo lmao

➯L-O-V-E a/n: the life of a kpop idol is very public, and thus a lot of information has to be known about the reader(who is becoming an idol) but i also want all of my stories to be as inclusive as possible !! so here is the baseline information: reader is 22, no description of race or appearance in general other than shorter than hwa/yunho/mingi, from a war-torn (fictional) country, has distant relatives in korea (unspecified: related by marriage or adoption is probably the case), speaks fluent korean(as well as english and chinese), is a musical prodigy, and is generally ambi-verted and a natural leader

✩index: see comments

dialogue not spoken in korean will be italics, singing/rapping will be romanized and bold, texts or writing will be smaller.

♡ ̆̈L-O-V-E-R-S♡ ̆̈ @comicnerd557 @hon3ysun @devilzliaison @princelingperfect @ateezswonderland @queenofdumbfuckery

let the journey continue...

MDNI WITH MY BLOG

⋆.ೃ:･간절히 FIND, FIND OUT𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

"What are you thinking about?" Hongjoong's voice breaks your trance of staring at a wall while the crew moves around some cameras.

You had all taken your first photos together as a group, and were now anxiously and excitedly awaiting to film your first video. The set was blank save for a black backdrop, Jisu wanted your dancing to speak for itself.

You had started off the day strong, eager. But things were staring to feel real, and real was making you scared. You weren't used to others touching you, and you had spent forty minutes being dolled up by your stylist and makeup artist. You were barely used to the one or two camera that have been around to film the documentary, and there was at least five on set. You were starting to deeply doubt that you could pull this career off.

"Uh?" You blink, as if you were coming back to yourself, "oh, Hongjoong-sunbae!" You bow with a small smile, going to stand up when he waves his hand; sitting down on the floor beside you. "I was just... thinking should I use a stage name?" Maybe it would help you put on a brave face, like your stage name and you were two different people.

"Hmm, what did you have in mind?" He hums as he takes in your appearance. He thinks it might be the first time he's ever seen you in makeup, or in anything other than dance clothes.

Your outfit is cute, to match your groups concept. Each of you is in a different color, and you landed in purple. You look good in purple, he thinks.

"Uhm," you fiddle with one of the little braids throughout your hair, "I'm drawing blanks, actually."

He gives a soft laugh, and you return it with a smile. You can see why he's the leader of his group, he has a reliable aura about him. Warm and compassionate, but you once saw him gathering his members and he demanded respect. You don't know if you have that switch. Everyone around seems to already recognize you as crUSh's leader, but you think it should be anyone else.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" You ask as you stretch out your legs, careful not to scratch the shoes your stylist had you put on.

" 'Course," he nods, mirroring you.

"How did you know you would be a good leader? Everyone seems to think I'd be perfect, but I think one of my Unnies is a much better choice."

He breathes a laugh, shaking his head, "woah, you really are like a mini-Captain." You tilt your head, and he continues, "I didn't know I'd be a good leader, either. I thought it was a terrible idea! Any group leader you ask will probably say something similar — we didn't know we'd be the leader, it just happens that way. A groups dynamics just click the way they do. And you click perfectly as crUSh's leader! I've seen the way you take charge, you do it without even thinking. You're brave like that. Busting into your seniors room to take care of a member, that's a leader move if I've ever seen one!"

You suddenly feel very shy, looking down at your feet. "Thanks, Sunabe... Hopefully you're right!"

"Eh, I'm always right," he jokes, making you tilt your head back laughing while he watches with a grin. He takes out his phone from his pocket, opening up a file while you look on curiously, still smiling. "I have something to show you. Mingi sent me a clip of you singing the other day, and it inspired me."

"Really?" Your eyes widen a bit, leaning forward to hear better as an upbeat instrumental begins playing from the speaker.

He has it pretty quiet so he doesn't disturb the others on the set, so he holds the speaker towards your ear, watching as you listen with that glint in your eyes — the one he envisioned while creating the music.

When your voice from the other day joins the background, you jump a little bit; before the biggest smile ever finds its way to your lips. It's only a short clip from the video he'd received from Mingi, but since it's the chorus, it reappears a few times.

"What do you think?" He asks when it ends, and you shake your head.

"I don't know whether to kiss Mingi or slap him," you giggle, covering your face briefly, "you made that in only a few days?"

"Yeah! Usually it takes wayyyy longer, but like I said," he shrugs, "you inspired me. Your song writing is brilliant, I can't wait to see more! You'll bring some to the recording booth tomorrow, right?"

"Of course, I have some p-"

"Mèimei!" Bongcha calls for you from across the set, making you look up. She'd taken up to calling you that when she learned you know a good bit of Chinese, and you were immediately bonding like crazy because you could keep up with her ranting. "We're about to film our intro! Come lead us!"

"Oh, sorry, Sunbae," you bow to him as you both stand, "I'll see you tomorrow!"

He grabs your hand when you turn to leave, "I have an idea for your stage name."

"Huh?" You pause, looking down at your hands, which he quickly drops as he feels a blush creeping onto his cheeks. "Ah, what is it?"

"Myeongi."

"Myeongi? What does that mean?"

"Uhm, well; Myeong means brilliant, and Gi means brave, or rely on. It fits... don't you think?"

You feel heat bubbling up in your own face, "I like it."

⋆.ೃ:･널 향한 낯선 VIBE𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

"Okay!" Jisu claps from behind the camera, making you all come up from your deep bows.

From the center, you had bowed to the crew a few moments after you finished your performance; and your members had followed.

"You guys nailed it!" A round of applause comes from around you, and you can't stop the large smile on your face as you look around your members.

You're all breathing heavily after what had been the fourth take in a row, the director wanting to get different angles. Bongcha slumps to lay on the floor, groaning loudly and throwing up a thumbs up, "thank you!"

You kick her foot with a little laugh, crouching down before falling onto your behind. The rest of the members are quickly following suit, thankful for a moment to breathe. "Thank you, ladies! That will be all the takes we need!" The director calls out, making you all cheer.

When you see the makeup artist approaching, you barely have time to be confused before Jisu explains. "We have a little bit of a challenge for you all."

We haven't even debuted yet and they're giving us variety show type challenges?

"Challenge?" Eunhwa asks as she tilts her head up for her makeup artist. You can tell the introverted member wants to be done for the day.

"Yes, more of just a little task," your manager goes on to explain as you all get touch ups done, "so your video will be going up the day after tomorrow, and that's when we will announce you as 'KQ Ladiez'. Along with your video and the introduction we filmed earlier, we'd like to post a video of each of you with your sunbaenims to get some more engagement. It's a challenge because we won't pair you off, you'll have to find a sunbaenim and ask them yourself, and decide what kind of short video you'll do together. Done by today!"

You feel Eunhwa's pain, your jaw progressively dropping more and more until your makeup artist closes it while holding back her laughs.

"Done by... today? Like this today?" Aeyoung clears her throat, clearly nervous. She, of everyone, is the biggest admirer of your senior group. She says she wants to be 'a dance machine like Yunho-sunbaenim'.

"Yup," Jisu has a grin like an evil mastermind, she wants you all to break out of your shells now that you're set in stone to debut. "Since theres a one member difference, one of you will have to do a video with two of them. Good luck!"

She's out the door before Bongcha's glare can kill her.

"Seriously...?" Yoomi sighs, "I'm nervous around our sunbaes, they're so intimidating!"

"You're nervous? Look at poor Eunhwa-Unnie!" Sunji points to her, "she's about to combust!"

"Hey, come with me," you hold her hand gently and help her up, bowing to your makeup artist before pulling your member out of the set room quickly. "While the others are trying to figure out who to ask, we can ask Yeosang-sunbae to do a video with you. He's introverted too, that'll make you more comfortable, right?"

She holds your hand tightly, nodding along with your words, "yes, thank you, Unnie..." You smile over your shoulder at her, letting her collect her thoughts as you enter the elevator, as you leave it, and as you approach their open practice room.

"Don't be nervous, Eunhwa, he's nice," you give her hand one last comforting squeeze before you knock on the open door. "Ya-hoooo~"

"Ye-ssi!" Mingi beams your way, looking up from the practice video he's monitoring with Seonghwa. "Hey, how did your first recording go?"

You gesture her into the room with you as she stalls in the doorway, "it went well! I think we really nailed it."

"That's good! What do you think, Eunhwa-ssi?"

She looks up quickly and forces a small smile through her nerves, "yeah, I think so too." You nudge her hip with yours, nodding to Yeosang; who's back to talking with San after giving you both a nod. "Ah, Unnie, he's busy, maybe I could just-"

"Yeosang-sunbae!" You call as you yank her forward, carefully smoothing your skirt before you sit. You have safety shorts on, but you still don't want to seem risqué. "Hello, San-ssi," you greet him more politely, only having spoke to him briefly.

"Hey, Huebae," Yeosang smiles, as does San, pausing their conversation, "you need something?"

"Yes, actually! Our manager sent us each on a mission to record a video with one of you guys, and Eunhwa was a little nervous, so I thought you two could do it together? You're both introverts, so I thought you'd get along!"

"I call you, Ye-ssi!" Mingi shouts as he keeps his eyes on the computer screen, making you giggle before looking between Eunhwa and Yeosang.

"Would you do that, Sunbaenim?"

"Yeah, of course." He stands up with a small grunt, nodding for her to follow him, "so, did you have any ideas, huebaenim?"

   "Who do you think I should do a video with?" San asks, making you look away from the duo as they wander into the hall.

    "Hm? Oh," you tap your chin as you think through your members, "maybe Bongcha! She has a lot of energy, you two can probably match well. Plus, she was you in our Guerrilla cover. Do you know any Chinese?"

    "Uh, little bit," he says in the language, pinching his fingers together.

   "She's pretty fluent in Korean but if there's any confusion or anything, I can translate for you guys! I speak Chinese pretty well." San blinks as you speak quickly, his mouth agape as he translates in his head.

    "Woah," Mingi laughs softly as he sits on the bench next to you, "is there anything you can't do, Ye-ssi?"

    "I can't wink," you offer with a shrug.

    "Ah! Me neither!" He chuckles, tilting his head, "who were you going to ask?"

     "Oh, I hadn't thought of it... well, you called dibs anyway!"

   Bongcha slides into the room, rambling in Chinese, "mèimei! What if I filmed with San? That's a good idea, right? We match each other's vibes. We can do Guerrilla!"

     You laugh before taking a long breath in, "aaaah, I know you guys too well already. Jiějie, I already asked San-ssi if he'd film with you," you nod, smiling as she fist pumps the air.

   San smiles as he stands, giving you a little bow before joining her.

     "What do you want to do, Ye-ssi?" Mingi knocks his foot against your leg lightly, looking down at you. Hongjoong had told him that you looked pretty, but to be truthful; he always thought that. Also to be truthful; you took his breath away when he turned around and saw you.

    "Hey, there's seven of you, eight of us. Is one of us going to be left out?" Seonghwa hums as he rolls over in the chair. He'd have to face his embarrassment of calling you cute the first day you met sooner or later.

    "Manager-nim said one of us should do a video with two of you," you explain politely. It's almost giving you whiplash — you're arguable closest and most informal with Mingi, and you've only briefly spoken to Seonghwa so you're trying to be extra formal, especially because he's the oldest idol at the company.

    "We three could do something together! What do you think about that, huebae?"

   "Oh, that sounds good, Park-nim!"

⋆.ೃ:･THIS LOVE IS NOT FAKE𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

With everyone having paired off with a member of the other group, all of you were spread out around the building.

You, Mingi, and Seonghwa hadn't left their practice room. Others came and went, watching with amusement as you tried to decide what to do.

    What you landed on made everyone who passed laugh, even some of your members whipping out their phones to capture the moment as Seonghwa yells at Mingi to 'be cuter!'

    It was his idea to begin with. Catallena by Orange Caramel. 'It's cute, easy, and everyone knows it!' Everyone does know it, which is why you're even singing it as you practice the dance a few times.

   You keep in the middle for the most part, because they're taller. But when they were singing, they were in the middle; so you made your moves more excited so you weren't dwarfed by them.

   You had decided to do the whole song, and just choose the best clip to post.

     When you finally had it down and in sync with each other, you grabbed the closest person to record it for you; who happened to be Yunho.

He could clearly be heard laughing over the music and your voices, but that made the video even better.

Even though it was meant to be a short clip that would be posted on social media, it was too good not to post the whole thing. You all were clearly having fun, and you were good at the song despite doing it live and only practicing it together for about forty five minutes.

Especially the ending, which would end up going viral after it was posted.

Everyone else had finished their duo videos, and a good mix of your members had gathered in the practice room because they could hear you all still singing. They could be heard along with Yunho, giggling and cheering from their places on the wall.

When it ends, you pose for a moment before simultaneously busting out into laughter. You lean your forehead on Seonghwa's arm, and you don't see the way he looks down at you with stars in his eyes.

⋆.ೃ:･I FEEL YOU CALLIN' ME𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

     "Hey, Huebae," Hongjoong peeks his head into the booth the next day, pointing to the papers on the stand that are different from your lyric sheet, "is that your song?"

You were the last of your members to record through the song, and after you had, the producer left you in the room with only the two producing idols.

    "Oh, yeah," you pick it up, suddenly embarrassed by your strawberry stationary, "I wasn't sure if you were serious so I brought just the one incase."

    "Of course we were! We love encouraging our juniors," he steps back into the room, taking Mingi with him after he had come to help you readjust the microphone, "after hearing that, we definitely want to hear another original!" The door to the booth closes behind them.

     He closes out the debut song on the computer, opening up a blank track as you protest, "I don't want to take any more of your time."

    "Ah, nonsense. All of your members are done, and we'd be fiddling our thumbs otherwise. Hit us with it!" He says while holding the button for you to hear him.

     "Uhhh," you hide your face in your sleeves, "it's a lot different from the song you made, I might not be good. Plus it was a headache to write, so I'm not sure if-"

    "You know what Hongjoong says?" Mingi interrupts you as he sits. "The bigger the headache, the better the song," they say together, making you chuckle.

     "Okay," you finally fold, explaining a bit, "it's a bit of a rough concept like, uhmm, like bad girl independence."

     "Ah, really? We get to see so many sides of you," Mingi's little laugh makes you smile down at your paper as you make a few last second notes.

     "Don't judge me too badly, Sunbaenims," you bite your pen, "I've only been doing this a couple months. I've never- well, I've never actually shared any of my songs with anyone until the other day. Hongjoong-sunbae really nailed the instrumental, have you heard it?"

    Hongjoong pouts with a coo of 'aww', thankful that the button isn't pressed as he realizes what he did, happy you couldn't hear him. Mingi did though, smirking over at him after he nods to you.

     "Don't worry, everyone starts somewhere. And you already act like a professional in the booth."

    "I do?" You blink confusedly.

    "Totally! You get into a zone like we do, move your body for more flow," Hongjoong moves his arms as you did while you were recording, "ah! You went 'seonmyeonghi pop pop'," he giggles as he pops imaginary bubbles like you did.

   "I did? Sheesh, that's embarrassing..."

    "No, not at all! It means you have a natural passion for singing!" Mingi argues, watching you make another note on your song as if to prove his point.

    "Hyung!" Another tall figure crashes into the room, making your eyes widen. "I heard one of the girls is an ace, is that true? Is it Ye-ssi? I bet-"

    Hongjoong slowly turns to face you, making Yunho freeze and deadpan when he realizes you can hear everything with the button clicked down. "Uh... Hello!" He bows suddenly, making the men shake with silent laughter, "Sorry for barging in, I didn't know you were still recording, I ran into PD-nim so I figured you were done... I'm sorry."

    "It's okay, hello," you bow back, almost hitting the window.

  

    "Careful!" Mingi yells, thankful when you come back up unscathed, "we'll have to (Y/n) proof the recording booth, she's determined to bang her head." You had done the same thing while thanking the producer.

    You laugh at his joke and give a small apology, backing a few steps away from the window before carefully dragging the microphone closer.

    "We were just about to listen to our huebaenim do an original song."

    Yunho's eyes light up at Hongjoongs words, and he looks to you, "for real? Can I listen?"

     "Uh," you hesitate for a second, before nodding, "yeah, of course." He takes a seat on the couch behind the two others in their chairs, leaned forward excitedly.

    "Do you want a metronome?" Hongjoong hums, ready to pull one up.

    "No, that's okay," you lift the paper and Yunho smiles at the cute strawberry print on its edges.

    "Hwaiti-" Mingis voice is cut off from your headphones as Hongjoong unclicks the button, leaving you in total silence.

    No backtrack, no metronome, nothing but your voice as it echoes quietly and the feeling of awaiting eyes on you.

     They wait for a few long moments as you read over your various notes you've taken while monitoring the few videos you've taken of yourself. It was purely self indulgent, but now it was coming in handy.

    When Hongjoong reaches to press the button, you stop him by waving your hands, "I'm okay, just stage fright! You know what, I'll-" you grab the microphone and set it infront of you while you face away from the window, "sorry, I'll just face this way."

     Yunho claps in amusement as you boldly turn away, Mingi laughing with him.

    "Okay, this is better, sorry sunbaenims!" You throw a thumbs up above your head before you begin bouncing to hype yourself up. Feeling much better without seeing the eyes on you, you begin to loosen up.

     "Breathe in, breathe out, ayeee," you shake your head before restarting with a sudden boldness and confidence that makes Hongjoong scramble to begin recording on the computer as his gut tells him that this will be golden.

    The flip you made from cute and bubbly to confident and rough in just a few minutes is enough to give the duo of producers whiplash.

   "Breathe in, breathe out," you loosen up even more as you begin, "ya-hooo, you don't wanna do this, sigan ppaetji ma!" The tone of your voice makes Mingi begin bouncing in his seat with uncontainable energy. It almost reminds him of himself, the way you move to your own beat as you rap.

   "Ne meoritsogeun ontong hayae hayae hayae~ Boran deusi urineun flying high, high~," it's Hongjoongs turn to start freaking out, cursing himself for not thinking of the rhyme you used.

"I pull up with the girls, so let's go! Zoom gotta zooooom~" You're completely in your zone as you finish the part of the song that you'd picked to show them, which happened to be the ending. "Bulleodeullyeo hondon let's go, zoom!"

You peek over your shoulder to see all three of them staring at you with various amounts of wonder. "Oh, did the microphone turn off? I should have kept facing you." You look over the standing mic as you mistake their open jaws and big eyes for something else.

    That is, until you hear the buzz in your headphones that means they pressed the button — immediately followed by their cheers and claps. You jump at the sudden noise, grabbing your chest before you laugh a bit, "you scared me."

    "Waaah! You're so good!" Mingi almost squeals, "you nailed it! Yah, how did you do that?!" Hongjoong nudges his shoulder as he speaks so plainly to you, but you don't seem to mind, too shy to even register his informal way of speaking.

    "Ah, I did it how I ima- aaye!" You yell as the door is swung open and you're suddenly picked up by the tall man, laughing loudly as he bounces with you in his arms, your feet swinging above the floor as he chants.

    "We have an ace! We have an ace!"

   "Mingi-ya! You're going to rattle her brains!"

    Hongjoong giggles as he watches the sentimental moment of Mingi setting you down carefully and fixing the crooked headphones with a soft, "sorry."

    "Ah," you take the headphones off and carefully set them down, gathering your papers and following him out of the booth with a small question of, "was it that good?"

    "Was it-" Hongjoong stutters flabbergasted, "was it good?! Woah, you aren't a rookie, no way you're a rookie!" He jokes, Yunho joining in.

    "Are you sure you're not our senior? You rap like you've been in the industry for years! That was awesome!"

"Oh, you guys are just hyping me up," you roll up your papers carefully and place them in your hoodie pocket, "thank-"

"Hey, tomorrow, you should show us more," Hongjoong speaks from the computer where he's looking at the shared schedule, "we'll all be free. Do you have plans?"

"Uhm... no, I could show you guys what else I have!"

⋆.ೃ:･달려가 CRUSH ON YOU𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

    "No," you shake your head, "something is wrong but I can't tell what." You pout as you watch the youngest three do their dance break later in the day.

     The metronome set to the songs beat has become dull background noise that you're starting to think you'll hear when you try to sleep.

    The door is open to get some air flow as your breaths have long made the room steamy, and people often pass and take a peek inside. It's beginning not to bother you, having eyes on you. Sometimes you don't even notice them at all.

     "Try it like this," you rearrange the girls by their shoulders, dragging them into place and putting Namseon in the middle, "your leg movements are the strongest, and you two are better with your arms, this might balance it out right."

    "Ah, that's smart," Yoomi nods, swiping away her sweat soaked bangs, "count us down, Unnie?"

    "Okay, three, two, one," you hum the song as you watch them closely, eyes flicking when you see Sunji's feet stumble. She seems to be the least coordinated with her feet, but otherwise she keeps up perfectly.

    They look to you expectantly as they finish the short dance break, and you nod quickly, "yeah! That's more like it! You guys will be all anyone can talk about."

    The three young girls beam, high fiving one another as you stand from your crouched observing position. You stumble a bit, catching yourself before the girls can notice.

     "You guys take a few minutes, I'm going to get some fresh air."

    "Are you okay, Unnie?" Yoomi asks quickly as she sees stumble again, going to catch you.

    The others turn to you as well, even the older group on the other side of the room. You shake off her worried hand from your shoulder and smile, "I'm okay, it's just stuffy in here. I think I'll head down to the connivence store and get us some food, yeah? We could all use a pick me up, we've been working hard."

    "Do you want me to go with you," Bongcha asks through her panting breathes. Of everyone, she has least stamina. But she doesn't let that stop her.

    "That's okay, Jiějie," you laugh a bit as you grab your small back pack, "get yourself some water, you look like a lobster." You smirk as her face hardens, running out of the room while she yells.

     "What?! I'm the sexiest lobster in the sea, then!" She shouts as she pokes her head out of the door, being drug back inside by the others.

     You cackle as you race down the hall to avoid her wrath, passing ATEEZ's practice room and barely noting that their door was open as well, only noticing at all because you hear Yeosang, one of them that knows more Chinese. "What the hell?"

    "You better come back with some kimbap or this lobster will pinch you in the ass, Ye (Y/n)!!"

     "What the hell?!" You hear him repeat louder as you choose not to wait for the elevator, instead skipping down the steps with a newfound pep in your step from the banter.

     You shake your head as you come out into the lobby on the first floor, beaming even brighter as you spot Yunho coming from the elevator.

    "Hey, where you headed?" You ask as you put on a face mask, not wanting to risk any sicknesses with such important things going on.

     "Hey," he smiles just as bright as you, holding the door open for you as you both exit, "just to the convenience store. We decided to have a longer break than usual."

    "Ah, really? Us too! I'm going to get some kimbap or Bongcha is going to pinch me in the butt," you say nonchalantly, making the man nearly spit out his water.

    "What?!"

⋆.ೃ:･CAN'T STOP MY CRUSH ON YOU𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

   Yunho holds the door for you again as you enter the store, ever the gentleman. "Wha-aaaaah, that's nice." He goes to ask you why you've stopped when that question answers itself; freezing cold air blasting you both.

     "Sweet, sweet, relief," your dramatic pose with your arms out makes him laugh, pushing your arm away from his chest playfully.

    "Come on, let's get that kimbap so you don't get pinched," he quips, making you bee-line for it. He shakes his head with amusement, fixing his cap before beginning to collect things that he knows his members like.

    It's still mid-day, most people at work and school. Only you two and the worker, so he isn't worried about disturbing anyone as he calls out, "hey, huebae!"

    "Yes?" You call back, reveling in air from the fridge as you curse the KQ building for not having open-able windows or a better air system.

   "Why don't we all eat together? I think I've only met two or three of you guys officially. "

    "That sounds like fun," you chirp from beside him, making him jump. You chuckle as you hold out the basket to him. He sets the food accumulating in his hands into it with a thanks, taking it so you can get things for your members. "You should text Hongjoong," you hum as you thoughtfully pick out things for the girls, "see what he thinks."

    "Why Hongjoong?"

    "He's the Captain, right?"

    He grins as he takes his phone from his pocket and begins texting, letting you lead him through the small store.

     "What kind of chips?"

   "One regular spicy, one not spicy at all," he replies without hesitation, slipping his phone back in his pocket as you grab two of each; not knowing what your members will prefer. "Hongjoong said good idea, we'll all eat in your practice room."

    "Yay, family bonding! Too bad the Xikers boys are in America," you pout under your mask as you hold the basket while he gets drinks for all of his members, "we barely said hello to two of the members and they were up and at'em!"

    "Maybe we can do this again when they come back," he suggests as he grabs something you have a hard time reaching, "Hunter did say he thought we should do more company activities."

     "Hunter is smart, then," you say as you finally grab a bunch of kimbap, saving your ass (literally). "Co-worker bonding is important in any job. Especially one so demanding. What kind of ramen?"

    "Hmm," he mimics your stance, looking at the wall of what seems like dozens of options with a hand on your hip.

    "Should we just get random ones and let them fight over it?"

     He looks down at you for a second before randomly grabbing a bowl, "I like the way you think."

    By the time you're done ransacking the store, the basket is overflowing as you set it on the register and Yunho has a few things in his hands that just wouldn't fit. "Sorry, big gathering last minute," he bows to the cashier, who looks like they're just about ready to quit.

    You go to get your wallet from your bag when he stops you with a hand on yours, "I'll pay."

    "It's for my members too," you argue, giving him your best puppy dog eyes. "New comers treat for you guys."

     He's immune to begging eyes, having spent entirely too much time with Seonghwa; king of boba eyes, and his best friend, Mingi; king of puppy dog eyes. "Nope," he shakes his head, already having his card out when the cashier is done ringing up the small feast.

    In retaliation, you grab all of the bags you can as he pays, leaving only a two bags of drinks. "Let me help-"

    "Nope," you repeat him in his exact tone, headed towards the door with a bow to the cashier, "have a nice day!"

    He holds the door with his free hand, chuckling at the sight of the cloud of bags on each side of you, "hey, seriously, let me help."

    "You paid! So I shall carry," you declare theatrically, finding yourself more comfortable with the man by the minute. "C'mon, we got some hungry members to feed!"

     He lets you win, this time.

⋆.ೃ:･L-O-V-E 𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

     "Ya-hoooo~" You sing-song as you enter the practice room, finding all of the members already gathered and talking among themselves, "Santa and her elf came early!"

     Everyone perks up with the promise of food, gathering around the bags that you set on the floor and start unpacking.

     "Yunho, did you make her carry all this?" Hongjoong looks towards his member, ready to scold him.

     "She insisted!"

     "I diiiid," you smile up at the leader from your kneeling place on the floor, "but you can still beat him up if it will make you feel better."

     "Yah, I'm the elf and I'm about to get beat up? What kind of friendship is this?"

     A couple of laughs come from the others at your back and forth, "the kind where you should have let me pay, and this would have all been avoided and I might let you be Santa!" You stick your tongue out playfully as you lower your mask. "Bleh~"

     "Bleh~" Yunho copies you, making them all laugh louder.

     "Okay, okay, that's enough kids," Hongjoong slaps the front of Yunho's cap down, breaking the staring contest between the two of you.

    The whole 15 of you gather around the laid out food in a circle, you and Yunho quickly grabbing the ramen you'd picked out for yourselves before chaos would inevitably ensue.

    After the KQ ramen wars, as it would come to be known, everyone settles down and eats in peace, small conversation made here and there.

     As you pour some of your soda into Sunji's eagerly awaiting cup, you peek towards Hongjoong with a question thats been bugging you for a few days. "Hey, Hongjoong-sunbae?" You call softly as you wait for the bubbles to die down before pouring her a bit more.

    He nods towards you, answering wordlessly because his mouth is full.

     "I was wondering, you guys are allowed to hang stuff up in your practice room, right? I thought I saw some pictures tacked to the wall the other day."

    "Yes, we are, as long as it won't fall down with all the stomping we do." He tilts his head, watching as you give some of your precious ramen to Eunhwa, "why do you ask?"

     "I was wondering if we could as well, maybe a group photo or something," you shrug while looking down, "just a thought I had."

     "Sure, you can!" He beams, taking out his phone.

    "What are you doing? No phones while we eat, that's your rule!" Wooyoung gets a slap over the head for his troubles, letting it dangle defeatedly.

    "Let's take a picture. Just for us," he says as he stands, "we can print it out for you guys to hang."

    "Right now?" Aeyoung asks as she hurriedly slurps the remainder of her noodles.

    "It's a day to remember, right?" Hongjoong smiles brightly as you stand excitedly and jump before helping Sunji up. "The first time we've ever all been together. We can take another when Xikers get back, too. Call it a family portrait."

     A few minutes of strateger-ing later, you and the rest of your to-be group are sitting facing away from the mirror, and the men are standing facing it. So one way or another, everyone is in the frame.

      "Everyone ready?" Jongho, holding the phone from the middle of his group, asks.

    "Yes," the walls echo.

     "Say crUSh!"

     In the photo, you're too busy smiling at Jongho's words to pose properly, head leaned against Eunhwa's shoulder as she holds up a shy peace sign, holding your hand with her free one.

Sunji has one arm wrapped around your shoulder, the other around Yoomi. Nobody would be able to tell how sore they were from dancing, not by the fact that they both have the biggest smiles ever on their faces. Namseon is laid across their laps, looking up at you with admiration clear on her face.

Bongcha and Ayeoung are at either side of the line, each having one side of a heart held up, as if saying that their younger members fill their heart. When they had time to plan that, nobody knows. But it would become their go to pose.

The reflection in the mirror behind you all shows the way that the men have just as big of smiles as they watch over you.

A beautiful picture with beautiful meaning.

Nobody would even notice the way Hongjoong mimics your pose subconsciously with his head titled, or the way Mingi's eyes are glued to you, the way Yeosang was visibly pleased with the fact that he was aligned with you, the way Seonghwa found himself blushing at the sound of your laugh.

    A beautiful picture, indeed.

⋆.ೃ:･I FEEL YOU CALLIN' ME𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

     You're the only one in the practice room at all the next day. It was your groups only rest day of the week, but you had plans with your senior group.

     You're laying on your stomach in the middle of the floor, going through your loose-leaf papers of lyrics and spreading out the ones that you deem acceptable. The instrumental of your groups song is on repeat coming from the computer, and you mumble the lyrics as you sort your own.

     "Damn, did a hurricane come through here?" Wooyoung jokes as he opens the door, making you look up for a second before you look around yourself; suddenly in the middle of a large circle of decorated stationary papers that you don't remember setting down.

    "Ah, sorry! You guys are early," you scramble to pick up the mess as they file into the room.

    "We're right on time," San points to the clock, making you snap your head around to glare at it.

    "Traitor," you whisper to it, making them chuckle. "Time got away from me, I was trying to separate them by genre to make it easier to show you guys!"

    "Aw, you're thoughtful," Mingi smiles as he picks up a paper, reading it closely.

    "Oh, that should be sexy vibe!" You point to him, then to one that Jongho picks up, "that's love songs! Over here with Yunho-ssi is sad vibe, over by Seonghwa-nim is feel good songs."

    "What's this pile?" Hongjoong asks as he picks up the only stack of papers that's in a distinct pile.

    "Personal favorites," you beam towards him, sitting up with a groan, "the ones that gave me the biggest headaches, too. Picked them out especially for you." A couple of laughs are heard around the room.

    Yeosang is looking over everything with wide eyes, "(Y/n)...?"

     "Yes?" You respond quickly, helping Yunho pick up and pile together the sad songs.

   

     "I thought you said you've only been doing this a few months?" His words make the others freeze with realization as well, the absolute mess of papers could only mean one thing, "there must be a hundred songs here."

    "Close," you shrug nonchalantly, "one hundred twelve." You straighten out your stack, humming the lyrics to the song still going on the stereo.

     You feel all of their eyes on you, and you look up between them, "what's wrong?"

    "(Y/n)," Hongjoong begins slowly, crouching to your level and gesturing around, "are all of these finished?"

     "Uhm," you look around, "for the most part!" You nod, still unaware of what's going on in their heads.

    "You wrote one hundred and twelve songs almost to completion in a few months?" He blinks in disbelief as you nod your head again.

    "Dude," San runs a hand through his hair before laughing baffled.

    "What? What is it!? You guys are freaking me out!" You pout as you look between them all quickly.

    Mingi reaches over the papers, careful not to crumple any, and sets a hand on your shoulder, "if half of these are even a bit as good as your rap from the other day, or the song we wrote, you're more than an ace... you're a lyrical genius."

    You look around at the papers, suddenly realizing just how many songs you've written. "Oh, shit."

     " 'Oh, shit' is right," Hongjoong giggles at your face of shock as you scan the papers, "your mind could be a goldmine! Even I can't do this. Nobody can do," he gestures to the mess that his members are surrounding, "this."

    "But," you begin, taking a breath, "I did?"

    "Fuck yeah, you did! I knew there was something about you!" Mingi punches Wooyoung in the leg with a, "told you so."

    "Ow!"

    "But, what if they aren't good? What if my rap was a fluke?" You speak over Mingi and Wooyoungs argument, quickly being proven wrong.

    "This is incredible," Jongho says as he looks up from the love song he's been reading, "these are good. Every single one I've picked up is good."

    "In this pile too," Seonghwa nods, offering a paper with purple lines to Yunho, trading it for the one he had with flowers on the border.

    "You must have been a writer in your past life," Yeosang sits cross legged at the border of the papers, beginning to help sort through them now that his shock has passed. "A good one, at that."

     With nothing else to say, you all begin putting the papers into neater piles. Often passing them around the circle to one another to either show a particularly good one or to get an opinion about what genre it goes into. They'll call out ones they aren't sure of by the title on the top, and usually you know right away.

     "Midnight Fic- Fiction?" Seonghwa reads, peeking at you for your answer.

    "Midnight Fiction?!" You whip around, falling on your stomach to reach for it, "no way! I thought I lost this one! This definitely goes in the headache pile, Joong-ssi! It's my favorite!"

      Seonghwa hands it over with a small smile as he notes how comfortable you're becoming with them. "I like it," he nods, "upbeat?"

   "Yes, that's how I imagine it," you bop your head to the imaginary beat, the music on the computer long being turned off. "Thanks a bunch, Oppa!" You sit quickly and peck his cheek before turning back and sliding to Hongjoong, eagerly explaining the background you imagine for the song; completely unaware that Seonghwa is malfunctioning behind you from the platonic cheek kiss and the nickname that had slipped.

⋆.ೃ:･널 향한 낯선 VIBE𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

     With you and Hongjoong's minds combined, you had finalized your first ever song. You often went back to the track he made for inspiration, and he went to your messy notes and scribbled lyrics.

    You were singing it through with the music from his phone, and he nods along; "I think we just broke a record!" He smiles as it comes to an end, "fastest production of a kpop hit."

    "Hit," you shake your head with a laugh, "I doubt it."

    "No, that's so cute, it will definitely be popular!" Mingi says from his place lying on the floor.

     The piles were distinct and paper clipped, courtesy of Seonghwa. Yeosang was straightening out the last one. You decided to keep them all in Hongjoongs studio for the time being, until he could go through them all. He said you could come and get them whenever you wanted, and joked that it would be 'Myeongi and Hongjoong's studio.

    "You think so?"

    "Definitely," Jongho nods as he sets down the love song that had become his favorite, "you really have a talent, Ye-ssi."

    "Like seriously!" Wooyoung agrees, "it's kind of scary. Where has Jisu been hiding you?!"

    You wave him off with a smile, looking at the clock. "Ah! It's past midnight!" You crawl over Hongjoong's lap quickly and slide to your bag, getting your phone. "We've already been announced as a group, all of our videos should be up!"

    A few of them bring out their own phones, going to different social medias to see how things are being received.

NOTIFICATIONS

YOUTUBE

KQENT POSTED TWO VIDEOS.

TIKTOK

ATEEZ POSTED SEVEN VIDEOS.

TWITTER

KQENT POSTED AN UPDATE.

CRUSH GROUP CHAT

EIGHTEEN NEW MESSAGES.

      As you're scrolling through their videos on tiktok, you hear your own yell come from San's phone; followed by Seonghwa and Mingi's yells. "No way! They posted the whole cover," he grins like a madman as he watches, and you quickly make your way over.

    "Seriously?"

Mingi flings himself over, his chest on your back as he watches over your shoulder, "aiiiish, we're never going to live this down, Hyung."

Seonghwa crouches on San's other side, clicking on the comments while the video keeps playing. "Hey, they love her though! It's worth it to be a little embarrassed."

"What are they saying?" Your head blocks their view as you lean right in front of San's phone.

"Yah, move," Mingi chuckles as he pushes your head back gently so they can see. "Look at that one! It's only been like half a hour and people are telling others who you are. 'The girl in purple is Ye Myeongi'," Hongjoong has a shy smile as they learn that you're using the stage name he came up with," 'she's the leader of KQ's pre-debut girl group-' when did you become the leader, Ye-ssi?!"

"A couple days ago," you smile as you go back to your own phone, reading the comments on the maknae's video together.

   "Aww," Yunho turns his phone to you, showing you a comment under the official statement.

i'm so glad these girls are getting a chance to debut together! in their introduction video you can tell they already have a bond. the leader makes sure everyone gets a chance to speak, and they all look so excited. ladiez hwaiting!!

   "I think I'm gonna cry," you cover your face with your sleeve, laughing lightly.

"Heyyy, it's okay," San puts his hand on your back soothingly, and the light touch makes the tears spill over.

"S-sorry," you bow your head as you sniff, quickly wiping your tears with the tissue that Wooyoung hands over. "Sorry, this is embarrassing..."

    "No," Hongjoong whispers as he joins the rest of his members in sitting around you, "it's okay... It's a big moment. You've been working towards this for a long time."

    "Hongjoong is right," Seonghwa hesitates for a moment before placing his hand on your head, thankful when you lean into it instead of away. "It's okay to cry, Huebae. Take all the time you need."

⋆.ೃ:･L-O-V-E𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

Yunho is the last one to leave the building that night, and he doesn't expect anyone to be on the street. It's nearly one in the morning.

But, there you are.

Sitting on the curb, holding your bag to your chest as you look up at the sky. He follows your gaze, there isn't much to look at. You can't see the stars very well in the city.

He steps forward to ask if you need a ride home, when he hears you whispering.

    "-proud, right? You loved music a lot, I remember... Maybe that's why I'm so good at it." You chuckle, but it's sad. He has to take a moment to translate the words you're saying, but he follows along well enough. He doesn't mean to eavesdrop, but his body doesn't seem to want to move. "Uncle Ujin keeps asking me when I'll visit you. I know that I should, I really should go with them one weekend... But you understand, right? I won't lie to you, and try to say that I'm too busy or something. Really, I'm just a coward, and- and I'm so mad at you, still. They won't even talk about home. I have to deal with the consequences of your actions. I have to be here every day! Why do you get to leave? Why?!"

    A loud rumble of thunder is followed by an immediate downpour of rain. You let your head down, laughing at mother nature's divine sense of humor. "Great. Just great."

     An umbrella opens up over your head, and you look up to see Yunho.

    He gives you a small smile, and you almost want to ask how much of that he heard. "I walk out right when it starts raining, great timing, huh?" He decides that he'll just keep the fact that he heard you to himself. You were clearly struggling with something, and he didn't want to add embarrassment onto that.

     "Do you need a ride, Huebae?"

     He outstretches his hand, and you gladly take it.

⋆.ೃ:･달려가 CRUSH ON YOU𐦍.ೃ࿔*:･

⋆.ೃ:･DELETED SCENES.ೃ࿔*:･

#TWO#

   As you all fold up and put your sticky notes in the hat, Jisu is writing all of your names on the mirror with your marker.

After counting the number of papers to make sure everyone voted, you bring the hat to her and hold it as she unfolds the first paper.

"(Y/n)-Unnie," she reads and puts a tally under your name.

The next, "Ye (Y/n)," another tally.

By the third one you begin to get nervous as — "(Y/n)."

"Bongcha!" She moves her hand to her name and makes a tally before going right back to yours, "(Y/n)!"

When all of the votes are counted (and recounted per your request), you and Bongcha are the only ones with votes. And Bongcha only has one.

"Yah, we all voted for (Y/n) besides herself!" Aeyoung giggles as you go through the papers for a third time, "it's meant to be!"

"Looks like crUSh has an official leader," Jisu smiles as she erases all of their names, leaving only yours, "congratulations."

She heads to the back of the room, where the crew is still situated and giving you a small round of applause with your members.

You stare at your name, six marks underneath it, six members that you're now responsible for.

"Unnie," Namseon stands up quickly and runs to you as she sees the tears welling up in your eyes, "are you okay?"

The others are standing as well, gathering around you to shield you from the camera. "You guys think I'll be a good leader?" You whisper, taking Sunji's hand when she offers it.

"Of course you'll be a good leader," Eunhwa reassures you just as quietly, "you already take such good care of us."

"I agree with the mouse," Bongchas playful nickname for the introvert makes you crack a smile, "and don't worry, you have me as a co-leader. You picked me out yourself!"

When the oldest member pulls you into a hug, the rest of them fall in line, creating a group hug under your name.

#THREE#

MINGI SENT AN ATTACHMENT.

     It's a video of the mirror, the lyrics on it. In the reflection, you have your head turned to face San, nodding as you listen to his suggestions intently. Sunji is singing the chorus again, "tipi-tap tipi-tip- hey, Unnie? Should it be more li-" The video cuts off.

MINGI SENT A MESSAGE. hyung, let's make this song! (y/n) is a musical genius

MINGI SENT AN ATTACHMENT.

    Another video, your face buried in your book as you write. "-ke Mingi-ssi went, 'the code is L-O-V-E~!' Try a little higher than 'dallyeoga crush on you~' to give it some variety. 'The code is L-O-V-E,' like th-"

SEONGHWA HYUNG SENT A MESSAGE. That's so adorable! It fits the vibe of their group, cyber and cute

JONGHO SENT A MESSAGE. catchy

CAPTAIN SENT A MESSAGE. Send me a full recording of what you have and I'll mess with some music

WOOYOUNG SENT A MESSAGE. the code is L-O-V-E !!

YUNHO SENT A MESSAGE. great now wooyoung will be singing that all day long haha

WOOYOUNG SENT A MESSAGE. L-O-V-E !!!!

 

⋆.ೃ:･L-O-V-E WILL BE RIGHT BACK.ೃ࿔*:･

[bts-trans]

📅 240721 Weverse Translations

Jimin's Post ❇️

안녕하세요 여러분들 지민입니다. 드디어 저의 두번째 앨범 "MUSE"가 나왔습니다! 기다려주시고 응원해주신 모든 아미여러분들께 진심으로 감사드립니다 정말 얼른 들려드리고 싶어서 빨리 나오기를 간절히 빌었었는데 드디어 나와서 정말 기쁩니다 ㅎㅎ 음 여러분들께 자랑도 하고 싶고 그리고 엘범에 대해서 얘기도 정말 많이 나누고도 싶었지만 지금 신분은 군인이라 아무래도 sns를 조심하게 되었었습니다. 기다리게해서 항상 미안하고 감사드립니다. 저는 군생활 열심히 잘 하고 있으니 아무걱정 마시고 여러분들도 항상 몸 건강 잘 챙기고 계시길 바라겠습니다. (여름이니 물을 많이 마셔야해요!!) (저녁에 에어컨이나 선풍기도 너무 세게 하지 마시구요! 더위도 조심 하셔야해요!!) 아무튼…ㅎㅎ 저는 이만 가볼게요 ! 노래 즐겁게 들어주셔서 감사하고 이 ���음에는 더욱 멋있는 노래와 무대 가지고 오겠습니다 언제나 사랑하고 사랑하고 또 사랑합니다 아미여러분 💜

Hello ARMY, this is Jimin. My second album "MUSE" is finally out! I am sincerely grateful to all ARMYs for waiting and showing your support for this album

I really wanted you to be able to hear it soon and I was hoping desperately that it would come out quick, so now that it's finally out, I'm really happy hehe

So, well, I wanted to be able to show it off to you guys and also share a lot of things about the album, but since I'm currently in the position of a military officer, I've become a bit careful in my use of social media. I am always both sorry and grateful for making you wait.

I am doing well in the military, so you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I hope that you guys are always well and taking good care of your health. (It's summer so you have to drink lots of water!!) (And don't have the aircon or fan on too high in the evening! Even though it's hot, you have to be careful!!)

Anyway… haha I'll be off now ! Thank you for enjoying the song, I'll be back with an even cooler song and performance next time I love you, love you, and love you more, always ARMY💜

Trans cr; Aditi @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

[keemzi]

어김없이 일년만에 영이 전화를 걸어왔고, 밤새 아침이 오는 줄도 모르고 통화를 했다.

잘지내냐고 묻는 영의 말에 잘지낸다고 말하곤 죄책감을 가졌다. 정말 내가 잘 지내는 걸까?

나는 딱히 할말이 떠오르지 않아 밥도 잘먹고, 일도 곧 잘 하며,사람들도 많이 만난다고 말했다. 올해는 유난히도 사람을 믿지 못하고 가까이 두지 못했다고도 덧붙였다. 가끔은 그런 나를 견디기가 힘들다고.

영은 늘 그렇듯 담담한 말투로 내게 말했다.

너 번호로는 전화를 걸 수 없다더라. 한국 번호를 정지 했다는 걸 알고 있었는데도 순간 마음이 덜컥하는 거 있지. 가끔 전화가 안돼면 마음이 이상해.

영아 나는 그렇게 못해. 적어도 너한테는 그렇게 안해.

지현아 이제 그만 애쓰고 살아.

지현아 나는,

사람을 절대 미워할 수 없는 너를 알아. 하물며 며칠동안 건물에 드나들던 모르던 개가 사라졌을 때도 걱정하던 너였고, 지나가던 노숙자만 봐도 뭐라도 쥐어주려 길바닥에서 가방을 탈탈 털어대던 너를 알고, 너가 끔찍이도 아끼는 어머니를 욕해대던 할머니를 여전히 불쌍하게 생각하는 것도 알아. 그런 너를 너는 알아?

너는 사람을 미워하며 떠나 갈 수 없는 사람이야. 사랑이 많으니까. 내가 지독하게 본받고 싶던 마음도 너가 가진 사랑이야. 알아?

너가 가진 사랑이 과하네 뭐네 하며 질타하는 사람들이 다 병신이야. 난 그렇게 생각해. 그게 얼마나 선하고 좋은건데. 아무리 노력해도 가질 수 없는 게 사랑인데. 우리는 한번 그걸 잃어봤잖아.

너가 아무리 힘들다고 말해대던 그 삶도 결국 너에겐 사랑일거야. 그러니 그 사랑 이제는 떠나간 사람대신 쓰려하지 말고 너에게 쏟아붓고 살아.

영의 말을 가만히 듣고있자니 눈물이 나지 않을 수가 없었다.

그녀를 마지막으로 만난 건 10년 전이었다. 나를 너무 잘 아는 영과. 그 말이 그리웠어서 울던 나.

열 일곱의 성격과 천성을 여직 보관하듯 우리는 변하지 않은 걸까. 우리가 만난다면 어렵사리 묻어둔 슬픔이 터져 버릴까봐 참아낸지도 10년이다. 그렇게 10년을 참았는데 전화 한통으로 그녀와 내가 아는 슬픔이 터져버리고야 말았다. 지구 반대편에서 우는 그녀의 울음 소리가 여기까지 들려오는 것만 같았다.

제멋대로 굴러가던 인생에도 굴하지 않던 때가 있었고, 불행한 기억이 불같이 판을 치더라도 그럼에도 나는 삶의 열망�� 간절히 바랐다. 내가 잘 살아가기를 바랐고, 입에 담지도 못할 행복이라는 단어를 내 뱉고 싶어 몇 번이고 입가를 우물거리며 주저했다. 내 안에 슬픔의 잔상이 아직 남아 있는 한, 나는 행복 할 수 없다고 확언했던 순간부터 지금까지 그 생각은 쉽게 고쳐지지 않았다.

술에 적잖이 취해 마음이 너무 피곤해지면 늘 영에게 전화를 걸어 떼를 쓰고 싶었다. 언젠가부터 내가 고장 난 것 같다고. 너무 힘들다고 우리는 왜 슬프게 살아가냐며 울부짖고 싶었다. 처절하리 만치 우글대는 우울을 쏟아내고 싶었다. 매일 밤 떨쳐낼 수 없는 생각이었다.

그렇게 10년이 지났다.

[dawon-k]

관통하는 너 – 나는 빛나고 싶어. 아니면, 내 마음 깊은 곳에 담긴 감정을 누군가가 들어주길 바라는 걸지도 몰라. 언젠가 정말 그렇게 될 수 있는 날을 간절히 바라며 살아가. 하지만 감정이 차오를 때마다, 내가 할 수 있는 건 그저 나 자신에게 편지를 쓰는 것뿐이야. 아주 작은 위안이라도 찾을 수 있길 바라면서.

라는 글을 썼어요..! 🥲

” 미래에 분명 할 수 있어 “

어쩌면 언어가 더욱 통한다면 우리는 집 밖을 나간 순간 나에게 늘 약간의 거짓말을 늘 쳐야한다는걸 깨달았기 때문입니다.

-

Piercing Through You – I want to shine, or maybe, I just want to let the deepest emotions in my heart be heard. I keep longing for the day when that might finally be possible. But as my feelings swell inside me, all I can do is write this letter to myself, hoping to find even the faintest trace of comfort. 🥲

Perhaps, if language connected us more deeply, it is because we have realized that the moment we step outside, we are always forced to tell little lies to ourselves.

Sad..

“I can fly , and you can make. “

I won’t break down.

[syncoflove]

[📷] 240804 | SEONGHWA @._starhwa_ INSTAGRAM UPDATE

오늘은 조금 솔직한 이야기를 해볼까 합니다. 1년도 지나지 않아 저희 가족은 힘든 시간을 보냈습니다. 사랑하는 사람을 떠나보낸다는 건 정말 어려운 일들이더라고요.

사실 전 괜찮지 않습니다. 괜찮지 않아요.

하지만 아빠, 엄마의 눈물을 생각하면 꾹 참아야 했습니다.

더 좋은 공연을 위해 제 마음을 숨겨야 했습니다.

가만히 있으면 눈물이 차올라서 일이든 운동이든 뭐든 해야 했습니다.

새벽이 오면 흐르는 눈물을 삼키며 너무나 긴 공허 속을 헤 매어야 했습니다.

그렇게 혼자 멈춰진 시간 속에 살고 있었습니다.

울어야 할 때를 놓쳐버린 저는 슬픔이 마음속에서 자리 잡아버렸나 봐요.

전 우리의 시간이 영원하다는 생각을 하곤 했어요.

영원보다 멀리 기억될 순간들을 믿어왔죠.

하지만 삶이란 영원하지 않다는 걸 몇 번의 작별을 통해 알게 되었어요.

이 말을 하는 이유는 우리에겐 아직 시간이 있고 그렇기에, 이 삶이 너무나도 소중하다는 거예요.

그러니 서로를 미워하고 질투하는 삶을 살지 말고서로를 아껴주고 사랑해 봐요.

사랑해라는 말을 아끼지 말아요. 그게 나일지라도요. 저와 약속해 주세요.

슬픔을 흘려보내겠다고, 울어야 할 때 울겠다고, 어떠한 아픔이 와도 다시 딛고 일어나겠다고,

나 자신을 아껴주겠다고.

여러분 모두가 누군가의 별이 되길 간절히 소망할게요. 할수 있어요. 여러분은 이미 저의 별인걸요.

지금의 저를 있게 해주신 우리 할아버지 할머니와의 작별 이 너무 가슴 아프지만 그들에게 받은 사랑은 언제나 제가 슴속에 남아 영원히 저를 지켜줄 거예요.

이제야 정말 작별을 하네요. 너무 늦어서 미안해요. 이젠 멈춰진 시간을 흘려보낼게요.

슬픔도 흘려보내겠습니다. 나의 에이티니가 있는 곳, 나의 에이티즈 멤버가 있는 이곳, 이곳이 나의 집입니다.

Today I would like to tell you something a little honest. Less than a year later, my family went through a difficult time. It's really difficult to let go of someone you love. still. Actually, I'm not okay. It's not okay. But when I thought of my father and mother's tears, I had to hold back. I had to hide my feelings for a better performance. If I stay still, tears well up, so I do anything, be it work or exercise. I had to do it. When dawn came, I had to wander through the emptiness for a very long time, swallowing the tears that flowed. I was living alone in a time that had stopped. I missed the time to cry I guess sadness has settled in my heart.

I used to think that our time together was forever. I believed in moments that would be remembered further than eternity. But I know through a few goodbyes that life is not forever. It has become a thing. The reason I say this is because we still have time. That's why this life is so precious. So don't live a life of hating and being jealous of each other. Let’s cherish and love each other. Don’t hold back on saying “I love you.” Even if it's me. Please promise me. I will let the sadness flow away, I will cry when I need to cry, I will overcome any pain and get up again. That I would save myself. I sincerely hope that you all become someone’s star. will do I can. You are already my stars.

It is heartbreaking to say goodbye to my grandparents who made me who I am today, but the love I received from them will always help me. It will remain in my heart and protect me forever.

Now I'm really saying goodbye. I'm sorry I'm so late. Now I will let the frozen time go by. I will also let go of my sadness. Where my ATINY is, where my ATEEZ members are Where, this is my home.

Oh Seonghwa.. 🥺🤍 you're the strongest and so precious! You deserve all love and to be loved!! 🤍🤍 WE LOVE YOU SEONGHWA!

[bdsm-md-fs-train-school]

몬가 잘 안풀 릴때.. 가장 힘든 요인 1개만 선택

다른 부수적인 요인들은 말그대로 부수적일 뿐..

작은 문제 보다는 큰 문제를 더 직시하고 돌파해나가는 습관이 중요.

만약 그 문제가 진정으로 해결되길 간절히 바라고 있다면..

그리고 그 습관이 쌓이면.. 강해지기에..

#강남 #쎅트 #멜돔

몬가 잘 안풀 릴때.. 가장 힘든 요인 1개만 선택

다른 부수적인 요인들은 말그대로 부수적일 뿐..

작은 문제 보다는 큰 문제를 더 직시하고 돌파해나가는 습관이 중요.

만약 그 문제가 진정으로 해결되길 간절히 바라고 있다면..

그리고 그 습관이 쌓이면.. 강해지기에..

#강남 #쎅트 #멜돔

[jmdbjk]

아포방포 Apobangpo

That's a big-ass window sticker...

Someone photoshopped "ddaeng" above it, hahahahhah!

Here are some lyric translations for "Ddaeng"

니가 뭔데 날 인정해 Who do you think you are to approve me

이름값 하는 개구리들 Frogs that are living up to their name-

우물 안에 죽기를 to die in the well,

간절히 기도할게 I will sincerely pray (As explained in 항상 (HANGSANG), Frog in a well is a story about a frog that lived in a well, thinking that the small well is the entire world.)

땡 Ddaeng

(lyrics translation credit: doolset lyrics)

Word on the street (and in the news) (but difficult to confirm) is that the other six members have requested time off to reunite for Jin's dischage. WE ARE GETTING AN OT7 GROUP PHOTOOOOOO!!! LESSSSGOOOO!!!!

EDIT: FINALLY OMFG ITS BEEN SUCH A HARD TWO YEARS

[asyastudieskorean]

2.01.2025 — 한국어 숙제를 하고 눈이 오기를 간절히 기다리고 있어요. 오늘 눈이 올까요? 

[at-1point]

나라가 너무 위태롭다.

경찰이 남태령에서 하는 짓을 보니 저 조직이 왜 윤석열 체포에는 미지근했을까. 밤새 산이 불에 타 바렸다. 국민들이 죽었고 헌법재판소는 오늘도 침묵할 것 같다. 탄핵 선고를 하지 않고 미룬다는 이야기가 돈다. 한덕수가 복귀하고 경찰의 폭력적인 언행이 늘었다는 제보가 많다. 위에서 명령이 내려왔을 것이다. 권한대행으로 오자마자 그가 한 짓은 안보 치안 재난 긴급 지시다.

내가 이 말은 남겨야겠다. 대한민국이 이만큼 발전한 것에 있어 함께 성장한 세력은 민주세력이지 절대 극우세력이 아니다. 12.3 내란을 저지한 사람들이 민주시민이었고 민주주의에서 뽑힌 국회의원들 덕분이었다. 김건희가 나라를 차지하겠다는 권력욕에 오늘도 몇천만 명이 고생하며 세금을 낸다. 요즘처럼 일상을 영위하는 것에 죄책감을 가져본 적이 없다. 국가가 전 국민의 일상을 빼앗아가고 있는, 난 새로운 독재시대에 서막이 시작됐다고 보고 있다. 국힘당이 내세운 윤석열을 선출한 대가로 우리는 대단히 큰 위협을 받고 있는 중이다.

하지만 다시 말하지만 한국은 학살자 이승만, 박정희, 전두환. 폭군 김건희와 윤석열이 발전시킨 사회가 아니다. 그건 아니지 않냐며 뜻을 도모한 민주의식을 가진 사람들의 사회다. 민주 사회를 아이들에게 물려주고 싶다.

4월 18일이 넘어가면 한국은 독재자가 있는 튀르키예처럼 될 가능성이 매우 높다. 탄핵 인용을 간절히 바란다.

[bts-trans]

240101 Big Hit's Tweet

[#호비의편지] 📬Letter from #jhope #호비가아미에게전하는_편지 💌 24년에도 행복만 가득하시길 간절히 소망해봅니다!! 아프지마시고!! 행복합시다!! 사랑합니다!!💜 #To_be_continued_218 #추억다람쥐의_추억상자오쁜 #Jㅔ이홉이미리써둔1월1일 #홉체국에서온편지 #호비의마음 #호비레터

[#LetterFromJHope] 📬Letter from #jhope #ALetter_toARMY_fromHobi💌

I sincerely hope that your 2024 is filled only with happiness!! Stay healthy!! Let's all be happy!! I love you!!💜

#To_be_continued_218 #MemorySquirrels_MemoryBoxIsOpen #WrittenInAdvanceByJHopeForJanuary1 #Letter_From_HobiPost #HobisHeart #HobiLetter

Photo Translation (Also see images):

Happy new Year ARMY …. It's the year "24" everyone!! I wish you a happy new year and I sincerely hope that your year is filled only with happiness To give you some good news for the new year.. Hobi will be discharged from the military this year~!!~~ Of course….the problem is that it's kind of right at the very end….hahahahahahaha~ But once that time comes around, it'll be great, there will be a lot of presents for you guys…!! So please really look forward to that!! Anyway, you've started 2024 with a message from Hobi, which is a great start to the year, and means that it will be full of hope!! And more than anything else, please remember that health is the most important! Stay healthy!! Let's all be happy!! I love you!!

Trans cr; Aditi @ bts-trans © TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS

[pettyofficial]

2023.10.2.~10.3.

2023.10.2.

추석때 만든 ESG관점, 재무관점 인덱스를 여러 기관과 협업을 했지만 여러 기관과 협업 했지만 뭐 바쁜지 배포하지 못했다.

그래도 난 돈 안 받아도 내가 하고 싶은 일을 쥐어 짤때가 가장 재미있다. 누가 시키는 일 보다 내가 하고 싶은 일을 했을 때가 가장 신난다.

그리고 그녀와 뚝섬에 가서 논알콜 맥주와 햄버거를 먹었다. 맥도날드는 데리버거가 근본이고 롯데날드 웨지감자 사랑이다.

2023.10.3.

다시 또 마저 인덱스를 마무리 짓고 그녀와 내가 가장 좋아하는 횟집을 갔다. 이 가게는 봄은 도다리 여름은 물회 가을은 전어 겨울은 방어다. 우린 전어 무침을 맛있게 먹고 감자 튀김을 마저 먹고 헤어졌다.

그리고 나팔꽃은 대략 3~4달을 핀다. 그 질김과 강함에 나는 출근길에 퇴근길에 너를 살피며, 내 아픈 마음과 약한 정신을 다잡으며 살았다.

여름이 다가올 즘에 너는 피어나서 무더운 여름 뙤약볕에도 넌 시들지 않고 있었으며 찬바람이 불어오는 겨울즈음에 넌 시들었다.

나는 너와 같은 강하고 끈기는 없다만 나팔꽃아 너를 보며 늘 희망삼았고 지난 6년의 출근길에 매년 너가 피워오르기를 기다렸었다.

그 자리에 이제는 새롭게 상가인지 건물인지 올라가서 널 볼 수 없지만 지난 세월동안 봄여름가을겨울에 내 출퇴근 길을 위로해주고 응원해줘서 ���마웠다.

나는 새해에는 꼭 이직도 하고 싶고 다시 내가 하고 싶은 일들을 어지르려고 글을 쓰려고 한다.

다시 실적보고서 계절이 왔다. 다시 또 매일 그 한페이지 한페이지를 쥐어 짜야한다. 그래도 또 어떻게든 써지겠지.

그리고 이젠 그 이야길 여기서 그만쓰고 다른 곳에서 쓰고 싶다란 생각이 든다.

글쟁이라 그런가 한 곳의 스토리 작가는 이제 지겨워지기도 한다. 내 남고 많은 업무처럼 열심히 일기도 쓰며 살겠다.

새해에는 꼭 결혼하고 싶다. 이직도 하고 싶고. 그리고 나도 아버지가 되고싶다. 얼마 안 남은 30대를 즐겁게 보내겠다.

작성일자 2023.12.30.

올해 마지막 포스팅일 거 같아서 그렇습니다.

매번 하트를 나눠주는 텀친님들 1년동안 고생 많으셨습니다.

우리 2024년에는 2023년보다 더 행복하고 덜 아프고 더 멋있어지고 더 즐겁게 사시기를 간절히 바라겠습니다.

[thinkphilosophically]

이방인이 되고싶다 간절히 원 해.

[zeroad]

너희들의 소원이 꼭 이루어지길 선생님도 간절히 바랄게♥️

그래 겨울방학은 늘 고비의 시간이고 빠져나가는 학생들이 있는 반면 들어오기도 하니까. 나는 늘 최선을 다하고 너희도 나를 믿고 최선을 다해서 따라온다면 그 결과가 이렇게 증명을 해주는 거겠지. 그래서 후회는 없다!

크리스마스는 태영이랑 오붓하게 조용히 보냈다. 라식하면 저 산들안경도 못보겠지.

무기력과 우울의 끝을 달려서 제대로 된 데이트도 못하는 이 누나가 밉지도 않니? 두세시간 밖에 나가는 걸로 행복해해줘서 참 고맙다 똥강아지야

[eunload]

안부

평범하게 살길 간절히 기도하는 내게 잘 지내냐며 안부를 묻는 사람이 있다. 나도 꼭 한번 만나보고 싶어했던 그 사람. 홀연히 자취를 감춰 못내 아쉬움을 비추고 말았던. 그 사람이 갑자기 사라졌을 때 나도 무척이나 그 사람과의 관계를 궁금해하고 기다렸다는 걸 알았다. 너의 메일주소를 하나 꼭 얻어둘 걸 그랬다, 하면서.

차라리 서로가 안녕이란 인사도 없이 사라지는 편이 좋을지도 모르겠다. 어떤 흔적을 남겨버리면 그거에 또 답변을 하고 싶게 되고 또 기다리게 되버리니까.

나도 네가 무척이나 잘 지냈으면 좋겠다고 생각했었다. 너는 벌써 외도가 5번째라고 했지. 그래서 영영 사라져 버렸을 땐 이혼은 하지 말고 부디 이젠 '잘' 지내길, 그 아이들과 참한 와이프와의 관계에 만족하고 살기를 바랬었다.

그리고 그걸 나한테도 바래주길 바랬다. 일단락이라며 덮어 둔 성욕을, 잠시라도 흐트러지면 불현듯 떠오르는 강렬했던 기억들을, 부디 마음속에 담아 다시는 꺼내보지 말고 그저 차 한잔과 책 한권에 위안을 얻어 살아보라고.

그런 너로부터 어떤 편지를 받게 됐을 때, 그 편지에서 너도 나와 같은 그리움을 내비췄을 때, 나는 다시한번 그 품에 안긴 나를 상상하게 되었지만, 불안한 나를 불안한 눈빛으로 바라보는 남편을 상기하고는 다시 그만뒀다.

나는 한국에 가는게 두렵다.

남편이 내게 한국에 갔다오라며 애써 얘기하는 말 속에, 그의 의심과 허락하고 싶지 않은 마음이 보인다. 나 또한 이런 나를 믿을 수가 없다.

그냥 편지 한통으로 너를 만나는게 좋지 않을까 싶다.

[aruoekim]

첫경험, 아줌마(2)

그녀와 헤어지고 자취방에 들어 왔는데도 설레임과 두근거림은 계속 되었어. 이쁘다기 보다는 고혹적인 얼굴과 내 또래들 보단 짖은 화장, 붉은 립스틱을 바른 입술, 화장품과 향수의 향 그리고 이 모든것들이 합쳐진 경험하지 못한 성숙된 매력이 계속 내 머리를 맴돌았어.

그런 모습들은 야동에서 보던 여자들과 겹쳐졌고 내 자지는 부풀어 올랐지. 그녀와 키스를 하고 옷을 하나씩 벗기면서 그녀가 이끄는 대로 애무를 하고 섹스를 하고... 자지에서 울컥거림이 느껴졌어. 난 딸딸이를 치며 방바닥에 정액을 쏟아냈고, 그녀에 대한 갈증은 더 심해졌어. 그날 이후로 내 딸딸이의 상대는 항상 그녀였지.

그녀와의 채팅은 계속 되었고, 그녀가 먼저 밥을 사주겠다고 했어. 지난 만남의 그녀의 옷차림을 기억했고 난 없는 옷 중에서 그나마 가장 괜찮은 옷을 입고 나갔지. 그녀의 차가 원룸 앞에 있었어. 그녀는 지난번과 다르게 캐주얼한 옷차림이었어.

"지난번엔 너무 내 나이에 맞게 입고 나왔었지. 미안해. 오늘을 좀 젊게 보이려고 노력했는데 괜찮아 보여?"

사실 젊어 보이진 않았어. 옷이 바뀐다고 나이가 줄어들진 않을테니까. 하지만 이쁜건 여전했어. 그녀의 여자 냄새도.

"이뻐요. 지난번도 지금도."

"고마워. 너가 이쁘다고 하는 말에 내가 지금 좋아하는 것도, 같이 밥 먹자고 너에게 연락하는 것도 정말 주책이다."

"아니요. 다시 볼 수 있어서 좋아요."

그녀는 잠시 날 물끄러미 쳐다보고는 출발했어. 도착한 곳은 패밀리 레스토랑이었어. 부모님과 몇번 가봤지만 대학생 새내기에게는 비싼 식당이었지.

"내 아들도 너랑 비슷한 나이대이고 자취를 하고 있어. 그녀석은 나하고 놀아주지 않아서 이런데를 같이 와본적이 없었어. 항상 같이오고 싶었지만."

그녀와의 식사는 즐거웠어. 저번보다 편했고, 대화도 잘 되었어. 아들녀석과의 사이가 가깝지 않은지 대학 생활과 내 또래의 일상에 대해 이것저것 물어봤고, 난 대답해주었지. 누군가 봤으면 학교와 자취생활에 대해 대화하며 즐겁게 저녁을 먹는 모자지간 같았을거야.

"나 사실 아가 같은 널 만나고 생각이 많았어. 살갑지 않은 아들에게서 채워지지 않는 부분이 채워지는 것 같았어든. 부끄럽네."

"저도 생각이 많이 났어요."

"무슨 생각?"

"다시 보고싶다는 생각."

내가 너무 단도직입적으로 말을 해서 그런지 그녀는 살짝 경직되어 보였고 잠시 말을 멈��었어.

"여자로서?"

그녀도 단도직입적으로 물어봤고, 나 역시 말을 멈추었어. 혹시 그녀를 만나는게 오늘이 마지막이 될 수도 있으니까. 잠시 어떻게 대답을 할지 고민이 되었지만 어린 생각에 그냥 솔직히 대답했어.

"네."

"왜? 난 정말 엄마뻘이고, 너 주변에 이쁜 또래들이 만잖아. 넌 너 또래들이 어울려."

"모르겠어요. 이유는 없지만 그냥 아줌마가 좋아요. 그래서 계속 보고싶어요."

그녀는 표정이 굳어갔고, 정적이 흘렀어.

"나... 난 집에서 남편에게도 아들에게도 소외받아 외로워. 채팅이지만 아들뻘인 너와 대화하는게 꼭 내 아들과 살갑게 대화하는 것 같아서 좋았어. 그리고 아가같은 널 보면서 같이 커피를 마신 시간도 내가 간절히 바라던 아들과의 시간 같아서 기억이 많이 났고. 솔직히 너 생각 많이 했어. 살가운 너가 아들이었으면 하고."

갑자기 쏟아내는 그녀의 개인사는 어린 나에게 다소 당혹스러웠어. 하지만 내 생각을 많이 했다는 그녀의 말은 반가웠어.

"오늘도 고민을 많이 했어. 내 욕심을 채우려고 너에게 몹쓸짓을 하는것 같아서. 이런 자리를 너무 가지고 싶었거든. 널 아들대신 사용하는 것 같아서 너무 미안했어. 근데... 나 오늘 너무 좋았어. 그리고 이런 시간을 또 가지고 싶어. 하지만 너가 나를 여자로 느낀다니 고민이 많네."

"그럼 계속 만나요. 서로의 목적은 틀리지만 만족은 되잖아요."

생각이 깊지 않은 어린녀석의 생각다웠어. 하지만 그것보다 좋은 대답은 없을것 같아.

그녀는 고민이 많은 표정이었어.

"미안하고 염치 없지만 내 욕심을 너를 통해 채워도 될까?"

"그럼요. 미안해하지 마세요. 나도 아줌마를 원하니까. 아니 엄마라고 불러야 하나."

심각한 얼굴의 그녀는 엄마라는 단어에 피식 웃었어.

"하. 어리네. 정말. 이런 상황에서 농담도 하고. 그래서 좋네. 그래 밖에선 엄마라 불러 꼭. 누가 보면 욕한다."

그녀가 다시 웃었고 난 정말 행복했어.

그렇게 서로 다른 목적을 가진 둘만의 시간이 시작되었어. 채팅보다는 전화를 하는 경우가 많아졌고, 같이 쇼핑도 다니고 영화도 보고 외식도 했어. 그리고 가끔 교외로 바람을 쐬러 가기도 했지. 그녀는 아들과의 꿈꾸던 시간을, 난 그녀와의 꿈꾸던 시간을 보냈어. 그녀는 정말 엄마처럼 옷을 사주기도 했고, 늦은 시간까지 술먹고 놀면 잔소리도 했어. 난 정말 행복했지. 하지만 그녀를 여자로서 가지진 못한 아쉬움은 항상 남았어.

그렇게 시간이 흘렀고 성인인 난 자유롭게 포르노를 접하고 주변의 섹스에 대한 이야기를 접하면서 엄마로서의 그녀에게 여자라는 부분의 부족함이 느껴졌어. 그녀를 만날때면 나도 모르게 그녀를 안는다든지, 팔짱을 낀다든지 하는 스킨십이 늘었고 그녀는 놀라기도 했지만 받아줬어. 아마도 그냥 모자지간의 가벼운 스킨쉽으로 생각한거 같아. 몇번이 반복된 후 그정도의 스킨쉽은 자연스러졌어. 가끔 약간 선을 넘을 경우도 있었지만 그냥 장난으로 받아줬어. 내가 느낀 그녀의 여자 냄새와 말랑하고 부드러운 살의 느낌은 밤마나 날 참을수 없게 하였고, 난 내 방의 바닥에 떨어진 정액을 매일 치워야했어.

아무리 모자관계로 포장되었지만 남자와 여자의 만남이었고 시간이 갈수록 모자관계라기엔 선을 넘는, 연인이라기에는 부족한 관계가 되었어.

하루는 내가 소개팅을 하게 되었어. 누굴 만날 목적보다는 놀기위해서 만난거였고 소개팅녀를 만나 잘 놀고 방으로 돌아 왔지. 그리고 엄마로 가장된 그녀와 통화를 했고, 내가 소개팅을 했다고 하자 그녀의 목소리가 좀 변했어. 화가 났다라고 해야하나. 어쨌든 분위기가 가라앉는 느낌이었지. 통화가 어정쩡하게 끝나고 그녀에게서 문자가 왔어.

'더 이상 안되겠어. 우리 그만 만나자.'

난 놀랬고 전화를 했지만 받지 않았어. 문자역시 답이 없었지. 그렇게 이틀이 지났어. 밤에 답답한 마음에 밖에서 담배를 피우고 있는데 차가 한대가 왔어. 그녀의 차였어.

"타."

난 반가운 마음에 피우던 담배를 끄고 차에 탔어. 난 너무 반가웠지만 그녀의 차가운 표정에 아무 말도 할 수 없었어. 그렇게 아무말도 없이 차는 달렸고 한적한 공원에 도착했어. 그녀는 차에서 내렸고 나도 따라 내렸어.

"담배 하나 줘봐."

난 담배 한까치를 주고 불을 붙여줬어. 그녀가 담배를 피우는지 몰랐었어. 그 와중에도 담배를 피우는 그녀가 섹시하단 생각이 들었어.

그녀가 한숨을 쉬듯 담배연기를 내뿜었어.

"너 어떻게 그럴수 있어?"

"��가요?"

"소개팅. 너 나 여자로 좋다면서."

"그냥. 아줌마는 아들로서의 저가 좋다면서요. 전 그 관계를 유지하고 계속 만나고 싶어서 그렇게 한 것 뿐이라고요."

그녀는 무슨 말을 하려다 멈추고 담배를 입에 물었어.

"하. 모르겠다. 내가 너에게 왜 화가 났는지 모르겠어. 아들같은 너에게. 내가 미친년이지."

그녀는 복잡하고 혼란스러워 보였어.

"나... 너가 소개팅을 했다는 사실에 정말 화가 났었어. 왜 났는지 모르겠지만, 너무 화가 났었어."

그녀는 다시 담배를 한 모금을 빨았어.

"나... 나... 하... 나 너무 질투가 났어. 부끄럽게도. 서른살이나 어린 소개팅녀한테 질투가 났고 너에게 화가 났어. 나도 왜이런지 모르겠어."

난 아무말도 못하고 서있었어. 사실 무슨말을 해야할지도 몰랐어.

"너 나를 어떻게 생각해?"

"나 아줌마 좋아해요. 여자로."

그녀가 나에게 다가왔어. 그리고 날 안았어. 담배 냄새와 함께 그녀의 여자 냄새가 났고, 내 가슴에 그녀의 물컹한 가슴이 눌리는 느낌이 났어. 나도 그녀를 안았어.

"내가 미친년 같고 이런 상황이 이해가 가지 않지만, 그리고 너한테 미안하지만... 나하고 있어줘."

"그럴께요. 걱정하지 말아요."

그녀는 포옹을 풀고 내 얼굴을 두손으로 부드럽게 잡았어. 그리고 웃었어.

"우리 아가. 내 말 잘들어야해."

그녀의 입술이 내 입술이 닿았고 항상 상상만 했던 키스를 했어. 나도 모르게 눈이 감겼고 가슴이 요동을 쳤어. 책이나 드라마에서 말하듯이 달콤한지는 모르겠지만 너무 좋았고 흥분도 되었어. 나도 모르게 자지가 묵직해졌어. 입술을 땐 그녀는 다시 나를 끌어 안았어. 발기가 된 것을 아는 나는 엉덩이를 살짝 뒤로 뺐어. 하지만 그녀는 나의 허리를 강하게 잡아 끌었고 발기된 자지는 그녀 몸에 닿을 수 밖에 없었어.

"너. 이런 심각한 상황에 이러기야?"

그녀가 날 끌어안은 상태에서 내 귓가에 속삭이듯 말했어. 내 귓가에 느껴지는 그녀의 입김은 날 더 자극했고 발기된 자지는 지멋대로 움찔거렸어.

"미안해요."

그녀는 까르르 웃으며 포옹을 살짝 풀고 내 얼굴을 쳐다봤어. 하지만 내 주책맞은 자지는 여전히 그녀의 몸에 닿아있었어.

"이런 아가 같은 애도 남자네."

그녀는 포옹을 풀고 차로 갔어. 정신이 없는 난 우두커니 서 있었지.

"뭐해. 안따라 올꺼야?"

난 얼른 따라가서 차에 올라탔어. 모든게 꿈만 같았어.