#'anyone whose relationship with food is even a little different than mine has an eating disorder. this is what recovery looks like btw'

[slvtbible]

yours, mine and ours

summary: your former partner left you during your pregnancy then after four months you met Harry, who took care of you and the baby. years later an unwanted guest shows up at your house at night

a/n: hiii! i was bored and realized i haven’t written in a looong time. GOLD is still in the making, don’t worry. but lately i’m a sucker for dad!harry so here it is! if it sucks i’m sorry, i’m a little rusty after not writing for a while. nevertheless hope you all enjoy it! give me feedbacks after! xx

***

Back in college, you met whom you thought was the love of your life. It all started when he asked to borrow a pen from biology class and had asked you out shortly after to hang out with him. You were inseparable ever since. You two had begun dating for over two years and the thought of being with someone else new didn’t even cross your mind back then, the two of you were too in love. Even your friends were getting sick of it. He had treated you with love and respect, your family loved him and vice versa. The thought of getting married had always been a conversation between the two of you and you were so sure of it. 

But your future fairy tale had ended when you found out you were pregnant. You woke up with a headache before fleeing towards the bathroom and threw up on a toilet bowl. When you bought a pregnancy test from the nearest pharmacy to make sure, you were terrified but at the same time delighted that you were pregnant. You thought that Brian would feel the same way as well when you broke the news to him. Instead, his face fell. He was angry and upset, asking you how could you be so stupid to let something like that happened. He wasn’t ready at all. He loved you but he wasn’t ready. His priority was now his work and he’d be damned to let a baby ruin that for him. At least that’s what he said.

You were broken and disappointed when he left. The whole thing was frightening you. How on earth could you possibly take care of your own baby alone? Your family lived in a different city and although you have friends who care about you, they still have their own lives to deal. It was crazy and you were losing your mind. 

Then you met Harry. A sweet, shy yet gentle loving man who adores you. You two met at a supermarket. You were craving for a yoghurt and had no one else to ask to buy it except yourself, although your feet were tiring and your back was hurting it must have been done. Harry was nearby when you were struggling to grab the item due to the height. He walked over to you and helped you by giving it to you. He was so sweet and kind plus he was a sucker for pregnant women, he loves babies. 

For twenty minutes the two of you were talking and had shared a few stories here and there, it felt really really good. It has been a while since you talked to people other than your mother and your best friend, Janice. He was telling you how he loved coming back to this city because LA had always been such a pressure to him and he needed to get away from all of that. When he learned that your former partner had abandoned you while you were carrying a child, he was angry yet he remained calm on the outside. How could anyone hurt a gorgeous woman like you and left his own baby because of his selfish needs? How?

And that’s when he asked you out to go to lunch, he promised himself to take good care of you and be there for you whenever you needed something.

Now, here you are at twenty five years old, working at a local hospital and has a two year old daughter along with your beautiful fiance. You feel so happy to be with two people that you love more than anything in this world. Nothing could ever replace them.

“Mommy look! I drew unicorn!” Your daughter, Bella squeals. Excitedly showing you her drawing full of purple and pink color. She is honestly the cutest baby you have ever seen.

You smile down at her as you are preparing for dinner, wiping down your hands on your apron. “Wow baby! You’re really good, aren’t you my little artist? Why don’t you show it to daddy when he gets home?” You lean down and kisses her chubby cheek,

She giggles and nods her head before running off to the living room to draw some more. You go back to put a few utensils on the table when you hear the front door open,

“I’m home! How’s my two beautiful girls doing?” Harry walks in with a huge grin on his face. Work has always been so stressful for him but knowing that he gets to see his girls at the end of the day always turns his frown upside down,

“Daddy!” Bella squeals, running quickly towards his tall broad figure and hugs his leg as she laughs, “You home!”

Harry’s smile is even wider now, lifting his leg up before grabbing her small body and holding her close to his chest. “How are you my baby angel? Were you being good to mumma while I was out?”

Bella nods, wrapping her tiny hands around his neck. “Missed you daddy. I drew unicorn! Daddy see!”

Harry smiles and kisses his baby girl’s cheek and puts her down. “Really? You did? Go and get it then, pumpkin” he says, petting her head before she walks off,  excited to show her daddy. After he sees her rushes towards the living room, he turns towards the dining room, seeing you place the home cooked meal. The sight of your hair up in a messy bun and dirty apron causes his heart to swell, you may think you look absolutely ridiculous at the moment but to him, you still look beautiful as ever.

“Hi, lovie” He greets you, wrapping his arm around your waist and kisses your temple. “I’ve missed you at work today.”

You look up to him and give him a warm smile that he always adores, pecking his soft lips. “Hi, H. How was your day?” You ask, untying your apron before putting it down on the counter,

Harry lets out a frustrated sigh, giving you a weary smile. “Better now that i’m home with you. Couldn’t wait to get home to see my two favorite girls. Was pretty bored.”

“Mhmm, i’ve missed you too. I switched my shift with Maya today so no night shifts for me, I get to spend time with you and Bella.” you say, heart warms when he pulls you closer and pecks your forehead, taking your hand as the two of you walk towards the living room

“Finally. Bella has been dying to watch Toy Story 4 with us. Said she doesn’t wanna watch it alone with me, wants her momma too.” He says, pulling off his coat before placing it on the couch. His eyes then turn to your daughter, whose hands are busy grabbing all of the drawings she created. “Are those it, baby?” he asks, kneeling down to her level,

She gives him a toothy smile and gives the papers to him. “Look daddy! This one for you!”

Harry’s heart warms at her statement, gasping slightly as he takes the paper from her little hands. “Oh really? Thank you so much, baby! Daddy will keep it forever!”

Bella giggles and pecks Harry on his cheek before moving her tiny legs towards you. “Mommy, pee.” she says, her big brown eyes looking up to you as she tugs your pants,

You laugh before picking her up. “Okay baby. Harry, love, can you please take the lasagna from the oven please? And go place it on the table. We’ll eat right after Bella takes her potty.”

Harry gets up and nods his head, “Sure thing, bub.” He walks back into the kitchen, taking out the lasagna from the oven and nearly waters at the smell. You sure really know how to cook.

“God, i’m a lucky son of a bitch.” He mutters, smiling softly and places the food on the table. As he struts his way towards the living room to wait for you, he hears a knock on the door. He frowns, looking at the clock noticing it is almost 7pm and wonders who could it be. He doesn’t think you or him called anyone.

The knocks don't even stop, so he slowly makes his way to the front door before grabbing a bat just in case it was a stalker or worse.

He unlocks the door and the sight causes him to almost fall on his knees. He doesn’t even need to ask who he is. He knows exactly who’s the bloke.  The same man who broke your heart years ago, left you with a baby to take care of and had made you fear of falling in love again because the trauma was unbearable. 

Seeing this man standing there and all Harry sees is a picture of you breaking down to tears, blaming yourself for what happened and wishes that you could be good enough for this son of a bitch. He sees red. But he needs to remain calm and collected or else this could go downhill.

Brian is startled, seeing Harry open the door is unexpected. He thought that it was you instead. “Uhh, does y/n lives here?”

Harry crosses his arms, clenching his jaw. How could this asshole even dares to say her name?

“Yes. Can I help you?” Harry asks, leaning against the door frame. Struggling not to kick his ass.

“I uh kinda need to talk to her mate. It’s kind of important.” Brian says, shoving his hands inside his jacket,

“You’ve lost that privilege a long time ago. She doesn’t wanna see you. Get out.” Harry demands. There is no way in hell, Harry would let this man talk to you. Even for a slight second.

Brian scoffs, “look man, you think you know about our relationship but you don’t, now can you go get me y/n? I’m not leaving until I see her.”

“Get off my property before I call the police.” Harry threatens, clenching his fists. He is absolutely ready to throw a punch if he doesn’t leave,

Brian is about to say something back to him, that is after you walk back and call out Harry’s name making the two men freeze,

“Harry? Who’s that on the door?” you question, putting down Bella on her playpen. Your heart stops beating for a couple seconds, you swear it, soon as you see who’s on the front door. 

“Brian?” you squeak, lips beginning to tremble. You cannot believe he found out where you live and had the guts to stop by. “What are you doing here?”

“Hi, y/n” Brian greets awkwardly, seeing you walking closer to the front door. Harry sees how your demeanor changed in a sec. That’s how much this Brian guy had made you suffer and he can’t accept that.

“Just came to say hi.”

“Say hi?” you ask beginning to get mad, tears fill your eyes as he smiles softly at you. “You left me with a baby, alone. You blamed me for everything that has happened and you thought that it was okay to stop by and say ‘hi’?”

Harry breaks when he sees you like that, your voice cracks. You were being just fine, already forgot this bloke for what he did to you and now he showed up years later to ruin that.

“Baby..” Harry starts,

“I know i’m so sorry but i am here to let you know that i’m a changed man. I still love you all these years. I was wrong to leave you with the baby. I’m … ready to be a father to our baby. Ready to be with you again. I promise i won’t ever leave your side again, love.” Brian says, eyes never leaving hers.

For a second, Harry’s face fell. He’s very much upset with it. With this Brian guy. The word ‘father’ coming from his mouth is just like a stab to Harry’s heart. A father?! Brian was never the father and never will be! Harry is! He loves Bella and treats her like his own daughter--because she is!-- and no one could ever replace that. 

“It’s a she” Harry butts in, glaring at him. Gently pushing y/n behind him because he can no longer see her breaks,

“What?” asks Brian dumbfounded,

“The baby is a girl. And she is not yours. She’s maybe your blood but i’m the one who’s been taking care of her, i’m the one who loves her, i’m the one who helped y/n throughout her pregnancy and i was the one who’s there when y/n gave a birth. You are not her father but I am.” Harry says, stepping forward, chest to chest with Brian.

Somehow, brian doesn’t see Harry as a threat, instead he laughs. “Call yourself whatever you want but that’s MY daughter. And I am ready to be there for her, both of them. That’s my family inside not yours.” Brian seethes. 

Harry can no longer express his anger because he was too hurt. So he pushes Brian and sternly says, “Get out.”

However Brian isn’t finished, he has something else to say but that soon cut off when you interfere,

“Get the hell out of here, Brian. You are not welcome.” you snap, feeling yourself might break down,

“y/n please…”

“No!” you yell completely exhausted by now, “get out now!” you threaten, ready to close the door.

Brian looks at her for a while to see whether she could change her mind but noticing that she won’t, he scoffs, shaking his head and back away from her before walking back to his car and driving away.

you sigh out and walk back inside the house before closing the door. Soon as you walk back in, you see your fiance standing in the middle of the living room with his head hanging down and his hands on his hips. You can tell that what happened has upset him. He is close to crying and you can’t help but feel your heart breaks at the sight.

“Harry, baby..” you call out, walking towards him and standing in front of him. Putting your finger under his chin and making him look at you. Your eyes sadden as you see his eyes beginning to get glossy. “He’s gone, baby. He left. It’s okay.”

Harry sniffles and nods his head as he looks at you. “It’s just.. I love Bella and you. He’s not her father but I am. She’s OUR baby not his. Ours. i know i may not be her real father but--”

“Stop. you ARE her real father. You may not be her blood but you have done more for her and me than he ever did. Yes, she is ours. She has always been our baby, my love. Bella calls you her dad not Brian not anyone else. She loves you. You’ve always been there for her, right? You’ve never left her side.” you say softly, placing her hands on the either side of his cheeks, thumbs rubbing softly underneath his eyes.

He begins to smile softly after what you just said to him. His heart and soul are warm now, he should’ve known that you and Bella are his family not that bloke’s. He proposed to you and Bella calls him ‘daddy’. He is so lucky. Nothing could change that ever. He was there to mend Bella’s booboo, he was there when you needed him to get groceries because you were working late and won’t be back home till 10, he was the one who was lucky enough to have a movie night every friday with Bella and you. 

He was the one who got to witness Bella’s first ballet recital with you and had her run towards him after the show was over, calling him ‘daddy!’ over and over to ask him whether she did great on the recital or didn’t, he was the one who Bella made a pancake for on Father’s Day and gifted him a ‘world’s best daddy’ drawing with him and her on the paper and lastly he was the one who gets to make love to you every night, confessing each other’s love and gets to take care of you after, cuddles you close to his chest not caring about the sweaty bodies.

“And you should know that we both love you with all of our hearts. No one could ever take that away. No one.”

[hi-there-buddies]

OOo my first fic request!

• Adrien POV

• Marichat established relationship for Alya and she told Nino.

• Adrien has no self control, or in Nino's eyes, no self preservation.

• Nino really thinks he's acting as his best bros conscience and self preservation instinct... Which he technically is, but not for the reasons he thinks.

• "Are you serious Adrien? Do you want to get beat up by a freaking superhero?"

I switched some things around and the end has a bit of angst but I hope yall enjoy!

Her hair fluttered gently in the wind coming from the open window opposite to her; eyes sparkling in intense concentration as she stared ahead at Alya. Her lips looked impossibly supple in the artificial light of the room, and her soft smile was enough to raise my heartbeat. My mind was blank as I stared at her beauty, not able to comprehend that she was mine and that I was hers. I felt my body relax at the sight of her laugh, and my eyelids close slightly as I sighed happily at the sight of her.

“Dude?” A voice snapped me out of my daze, making me stumble slightly as I tried to sit up straight. My eyes darted to the sound that had been blaring within my mind, resting on Nino, whose expression was ridden with worry and something similar to sympathy.

“Huh?” I muttered as I looked around quickly, taking in my surroundings. 

Nino’s expression didn’t falter, “Are you ok? You haven’t eaten your lunch, and I'm almost positive you haven't been listening to me,” He asked me genuinely. He didn't seem annoyed, so that was a good thing, but he didn't seem entirely thrilled, either.

“Ya, sorry, I'm fine,” I replied, trying to come up with an excuse as to why I was goggling over my secret girlfriend that nobody knew about, including said girlfriend. I really had to come up with a better way of describing my situation, too, because I definitely sound like a stalker. Maybe Plagg could help me with that later.

“It's just...my allergies have been acting up ever since spring started,” I told Nino, awkwardly laughing while rubbing the back of my head. His eyes stayed on me as he raised his eyebrow in disbelief.

“You didn't tell me you had allergies,” He remarked while squinting. I tried not to sweat as I found myself digging deeper into the lie.

“We haven't been friends for that long Nino, there are some things even you don't know about me,” I explained, giving a small shrug as I tried to make it as believable as possible.

“Right,” Nino muttered, looking back at his sandwich. Hoping it was the end of the conversation, I went back to my salad as well. I took a fairly big bite as I tried to calm myself down.

“Like how you have a crush on Marinette?” Nino stated as he continued eating his sandwich. I felt myself choke on my food as I pounded my chest with my fist and swallowed the lettuce painfully, looking back at Nino in pure fear, which quickly turned to a cautious smile.

“What? On Marinette? You're kidding! She’s like a sister to me!” I shouted, earning a few looks from my classmates which made me lower my voice, “What makes you think that?”

“Oh c’mon man, it's so painfully obvious. I swear, if anyone with a brain hung out with you as much as me they'd be able to tell in minutes,” Nino explained, putting his food back down and turning his whole body to look at me.

As I stared at him, my smile slowly turned into a weary line, “That bad, huh?” I muttered as I looked down, blushing. Nino sighed.

“Listen, Adrien,” He started, like he was trying to comfort me, “You can't tell anyone this,” Nino pointed his finger at me accusingly, waiting for a nod as I put my hands up defensively.

My friend sighed as he put his mouth up to my ear and covered it with his hand.

“Marinette’s dating Cat Noir,” He whispered, causing my eyes to widen significantly as I backed away from him. Of course, I knew that, but how did he know?

“R-really?” I stuttered, feigning surprise with a fake nervous smile plastered on my face.

“Ya dude, Alya told me. But you can't tell anyone, cause she told me not to tell anyone,” Nino persisted, still somewhat cautious of his girlfriend.

“I won't, I won't,” I said, waving my hands. Nino put a hand on his head and sighed again.

“I'm sorry dude, I know it must suck. I haven't seen you look at anyone the way you look at her,” Nino explained, putting both his hands on my shoulders, “But unless you wanna get beaten up by a superhero, I’d just gaze from the sidelines and hope they break up,” He explained to me, eyes filled with kindhearted sympathy.

Staring back at him, I tried to look as disappointed as possible, “y-ya, you're right. Thanks, Nino, you're a good friend,” I told him, putting one of my hands on his with a smile.

At that, the bell rang.

“Ah jeez, you didn't get to finish your food,” Nino complained as he looked down at my half-eaten salad.

“It's fine, I wasn't that hungry anyway,” I explained to him with a smile, waving his concern off, “Listen, I know you like walking to class with Alya. I'll clean up and you can go,” I told him as I stood up and began cleaning the table.

“Really? You're the best!” Nino exclaimed, fist-bumping me before running off to his girlfriend. It was then I realized I was alone in the cafeteria.

I cleaned up the table quickly and headed to the garbage basket.

“Well that was awkward,” A high-pitched voice muttered from within my pocket, almost causing me to drop everything I was holding. Standing straight, I looked to where it came from.

“Plagg! Why are you in my clothes?” I whisper-shouted at the creature underneath the cloth of my pants.

“I was hungryyy,” Plagg whined, flying next to my head.

“What if someone saw you?” I questioned angrily, throwing the rest of my salad in the trash.

“Quit being so paranoid, nobody saw me,” He insisted, sitting on my shoulder, “Besides, I think you and your friend were a little caught up with something else,”

At that, I sighed, “Ya, I know,” I whispered.

“Ahh, don't worry Adrien. Are you forgetting the other guy she’s dating isn't even another guy?” Plagg tried to reassure me.

I looked down at the floor, “But what if he is?” I said, feeling downtrodden, “At this point, the only thing that connects me with Cat Noir is my body. Nothing else is the same. When I change into my costume, it's like I am a different person,” I muttered more to myself than to Plagg, who patted my head with one of his small hands.

“Don't say that Adrien. You're Cat Noir, as much as Cat Noir is you,” Plagg told me. I smiled gently at the reassurance.

“Thanks, Plagg,”

[wifeofkimtaehyungofbts]

Chapter 11

>> Pairing: Taehyung x Y/N, Taehyung x reader

>> Words: 2,379

>> Notes: I’m going to upload a new chapter whenever possible. Please bear with my hectic schedule! You may leave asks and let me know what you think of my writing (:

Synopsis: You run into a rather strange man one night. He seems terrified, as if fighting battles only he can see. He seems detached from the world, talking only to a voice inside his head. Oh, another strange fact: he keeps talking about angels. You discover later that you were the angel he was praying to.

>> Previous / Next

**

“Hey"

I jolted at the sudden voice echoing against the walls of the eerily quiet changing room of the McDonald’s.

Jungkook was leaning against the door. His apron was thrown over his shoulder and he cocked his head at me.

“Wanna go out tonight?”

“Huh?” I wasn’t quite sure I heard him right. Jeon Jungkook. The guy that hardly ever talks to anyone. The handsome guy who shies away from girls at the cashier trying to get his number. The guy who leaves work without sparing a second for an after-work chat with his colleagues. Wants to go out with me?

I continued to stare at him in shock. Instead of breaking the awkward silence between us, he stared back at me. His dark chocolate brown eyes looked deep. Not in the romantic sense. It almost seemed like there was an entirely different person behind them. If the person differed from the one who stood before me in a good way or a bad way, I couldn’t tell. But what I could tell was that if I didn’t reply fast, we'd be staring into each other for all of eternity.

“Don’t you have work?” I raised an eyebrow at him. “You are supposed to fill me in tonight because Felix had an emergency at his house and couldn’t make it”

“I got someone else to cover for me" he shrugged.

I wanted to know more but I figured it didn’t really matter as long as my shift was covered and he didn’t get into trouble either.

“Gimme a minute. I need to wash my face” I said turning my back on him.

As I busied myself removing my hair tie and gathering my hair in a bun, I felt someone lightly brush against my back.  I wanted to turn but it felt too cold.

“You look beautiful Y/N" Jungkook whispers, his warm breath blowing the hair at the top of my head.

In reflexive panic, I grabbed my bag pack and dashed to the girl’s bathroom. I couldn’t calm my racing heart as I tried to shake off the eerie coldness I felt a few seconds ago.

Why did Jungkook come onto me so suddenly? And what’s with the compliment? I mean sure, thank you but it felt so off. He didn’t sound sweet or shy when he said it. He sounded stern, like he was stating a matter of fact I better believe else.... else?

Else what, Y/N? He was going to kill you??

I slapped myself for overthinking and washed my face before hurrying to the front. My colleagues were busy with customers so I couldn’t wave them goodbye. I stepped outside to the chilly air, spotting Jungkook standing by the road. I walked up to him and smiled warmly.

He looked down at me and smiled back. “Do you like pizza?”

“Who doesn’t!” I giggled, already drooling at the mere idea of pizza.

He laughed as we started walking towards the Arthur’s Pizzeria around the corner.

**

We were seated by the window across from each other. The table was too big for just us two, but we were glad no one else attempted to sit with us. It was fine, just the two of us.

We ordered our pizzas and spoke about ourselves as we waited for the food.

I found out Jungkook is from Busan and he was studying music at the campus. He was in fact a top graduate from Busan Arts School along with some guy whose name Jungkook doesn’t remember. He likes to play video games and tries new activities every weekend. Last week he had attempted fishing with a friend of his and they ended up catching no fish but a cold so bad, Jungkook requested for an extension on his vocal exam. Oh, and he hates reading.

I told him about the time I submitted the wrong thesis paper for my semester end assignment and had to retake the whole module all over again in the next semester. He asked my favourite colour, movie and book. He judged me for being a book worm and laughed when I pouted at him in annoyance.

Our food arrived soon and we didn’t talk as we devoured the delicious, thin, saucy pizza. I caught him watching me from the corner of my eye but I made no attempt to eat decently. It’s not like I want to impress him or anything anyways.

Three girls seated at the table next to us wooow’ed at the sight of Jungkook. They turned their attention to me and stared on with disgust.

“What’s someone like him doing with someone like her?”

“God knows! See this is why we never get to experience anything good. Because the good guys are always after someone so random”

“It must be true love if he actually chose someone like her. I mean, look at her hair!”

I could even hear their eye rolls as loud as I heard their words. It pricked and I found myself slowing my eating. I suddenly couldn’t chew anymore. I felt restrained. Like someone had put handcuffs and a leash on me and I had to strain against them to take a bite of my pizza.

Growing up, I haven’t had the most stable family. My fatherless life had involved trying to work odd jobs since I was 13 and missing out mile stones other girls got to experience during their teen years. My first kiss wasn’t under a starry night with my first love, it was rushed and filled with greed at the car park of the local book store. And he cheated on me a week later with the girl who sat next to me at chemistry. The man I first shared a bed with was not looking for a long-term relationship and left me when he found a full time, high wage job at his uncle’s company in New York. My mother was crippling, losing a bit of herself every passing day until one day she came down the stairs to have her tea and I couldn’t even recognize her anymore. My sisters were still too young to understand life and I didn’t want them to see the world as I saw it. I wanted them to have a happy childhood and experience life as any growing child should. They were sent away to my uncle’s and although they were more than willing to also let me stay, I needed away. I left my mother as she screamed indecent words at me one night and took the subway train that led me here. The letter of acceptance from the university was the only good thing that has ever happened to me. I soon became best friends with my room mate who is the polar opposite of me but somehow, we spoke to the same stars and saw life in the same light. My life has always been rushed, difficult to comprehend and there was no easy way through. Having to hear the body that pulled me through those sleepless nights of putting my scared sisters to sleep and locking their doors so my alcoholic mother couldn’t hurt them with her drunk violence, the same body that has cried itself to sleep after carrying stack after stack of recycle paper up 7 flight of stairs for very little pay and a terrible neck and back ache, the same body that is still living and breathing and pushing through, is not good enough, is less, is devastating. It makes me want to cry.

I didn’t ask for such a difficult life. Additionally, my face is the only remainder of who my mom used to be; I am the spitting image of her. The her that was over flowing with positivity and had a heart of gold. The her that lovingly brought my sisters and I into this world and took us cycling and cooked our favourite pasta for our birthdays. To think this face, this remainder of what she looked like, who she was, is less makes my heart crinkle around the edges and burn in the deepest pits of its centre.

“All good?”

I look up to see Jungkook looking at me worriedly.

“Oh yes! I just.... should stop eating else I’ll throw up" I laughed awkwardly.

Jungkook continued to munch on his pizza as he stared at me. He was trying to read the worry in my eyes, the sad drop of the corners of my lips. I couldn’t hide my emotions on my face even if the world depended on it, so I wouldn’t be surprised if any minute now Jungkook presses me for answers and stories. Stories I’d rather keep hidden like I have all this time.

“Okay" Jungkook hums as he takes another slice of pizza. I look at him, grateful he dropped the subject. I watched on as he ate. He didn’t once lift his eyes to mine. He busied himself finishing up his own pizza and the remainder of mine. I wasn’t shocked he ate so much given the fact that he was full of muscle and stamina.

I looked out the window at the busy street. People walked by, carrying the weight of their lives on their shoulders. The lights from cars and street lights looked like stars on Earth from where I was seated. I felt a sudden sense of closure knowing I could disappear into the night, walk mindlessly around these people and no one would know who I am. I’d have no one to explain or compare myself to. Nobody would know what’s going on inside my head. Frankly, nobody would care enough to know. And it felt nice. To not be alive and surviving. I wanted to be light, float over the Earth and find my purpose at my own pace without trying to catch up with the rest of the world only to fall short of breath and lost.

“I don’t know what’s going on in that pretty head of yours, but I’ll listen if you share” Jungkook wipes the corner of his mouth with a tissue. He has cleaned the trays of pizza without leaving behind even a trace of any food being there. I smiled kindly at his words.

“Thank you Jungkook. But I’m not thinking about anything that needs concerning attention”

My smile doesn’t reach my eyes and I know he noticed it. He pays the bill entirely despite me fussing about wanting to split the bill. We make our way back to my house, the breeze a little colder and stronger than yesterday, reminding us of the oncoming winter.

**

I pace the living room painfully slow, waiting.

Waiting for her to come back home.

Daffodil.

I have been practising what I wanted to say as I give her the present over and over again in my head. I had wrapped it neatly in a brown paper bag and tied with an orange ribbon I found on her study table. The wrapping was not at all attractive, but it was neat and I hoped she would see the value of the gift that’s wrapped rather than the wrapping itself.

I look at the time. 09.19pm.

She was supposed to be back a long time ago. I heard her making arrangements yesterday to leave early from work today. I had cleaned the entire house; sweeping the wooden floor boards, removing cobwebs and brushing off the dust that had collected on top of the cupboards and TV.

I did not have a phone on me and even if I did, its not like I had her number anyway. I sighed loudly and slumped on the cold floor. My eyes kept fluttering, threatening to close for hours. My shoulders felt heavy and I couldn’t pull myself up off the floor. I rested my head on the floor and allowed my eyes to close. The coldness from the floor piercing my right cheek was the last thing I was aware of before I drifted off to a sleep full of nightmares.

**

I saw it again.

The playground.

The swing.

The boy.

I was playing in the park around the corner from school. I had sand in my old, torn shoes and my school tie was hanging loosely around my neck. My hair was a mess and sweat dripped off the ends of my bangs. I was having too much fun running around to stop. I sat at one of the swings and turned to face the boy seated in the other.

“Hey!” I waved brightly.

He did not respond, his head bent low and slowly swinging. He had dark brown hair and a piercing in his left ear. I could not see his face because it was surprisingly too dark on the side of the swing he was on. It was almost as if a dark cloud was looming over him, night fallen on the side of the Earth he was on.

I turned away and focused on swinging as high up as I can. However, my merry only lasted for a short while because I had swung a little too high and as I swung back, I was thrown off the seat and face first onto the dirty sand. I got up spitting sand out of my mouth. Any average person would have shrieked in disgust and run straight home for a good shower at what just happened. But I just laughed, almost choking on my spit as I attempted to spit sand out of my mouth.

“Pathetic”

The boy suddenly spoke. His voice was soft, melodic and had a boyish charm to it.

He’d make a great singer if he could sing, I thought to myself.

I turned to look at him, mirth sparkling in my eyes.

“Ha! So you can speak! I thought-” I began but had to stop at the sight before me.

My eyes grew wide in terror as the boy lifted his head to reveal a face with no features except for a gaping hole where his mouth should be. A dark liquid oozed out of his ears, supposed-mouth and where his eyes should’ve been.

My breath caught in my throat as I tried to scream again and again, but no sounds came out.

**

Tag list: @tae-n-u​

[finrad]

Running - Arwen x Reader

This is like 2k words I really hope you like it. I'm low-key crushing on Arwen rn.

Warning: Kinda angsty? But then it gets really fluffy.

0o0o0

Being a mortal meant being unable to fit in. It meant that there was no way that you can truly fit in with the elves that live in Rivendell. They seem to just be perfect, and you were far from being like them, no matter how hard you tried. You were so different, and not in a good way.

You tried to think about the things that you love to calm you down. There was the singing that would soothe you to sleep, the friendliness of the folk, the occasional visits from mortals like you, and most of all, you had your soon-to-be wife, Arwen Úndomiel.

She is the lady of Imladris and a lady of Lórien, and one of the most beautiful elves to ever live in Middle-earth. You knew that she got her beauty from one of her ancestors, the famed beauty Lúthien. It was obvious, seeing how gorgeous she is.

Of course, you weren't only in love with her looks. Sure, she looked absolutely enchanting, but she was far more than just a pretty face. Arwen was much more. Not only is she kind and loving, but she's brave and loyal to those she loves. She has a lot of faith, even in the darkest of situations.

Lots of times, you thought about how somebody like her chose a person like you. Compared to her, you seemed to be nothing. You weren't the descendant of a famed beauty. You aren't the child of Lord Elrond and Lady Celebrían, and grandchild of Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn.

There were days where you felt like leaving the elven city of Rivendell and going to your old home, Bree. But then you realized that you were probably being dramatic. What about Arwen? What would she think if you ran away. She'd think that you are a coward.

But then you also thought about how leaving could be the best for you. You were not worthy of living among such beautiful and interesting folk. You felt that maybe being around other mortals was going to help you live out your best life. But are you really living a good life if you're living it without the love of your life?

What if your relationship with Arwen wasn't true? As she is far better than you are, of course she wasn't in love with you. All of these thoughts frustrated you. They frustrated you to the point that you decided what to do.

You decided that you had to get out of this place. Rivendell just might not be the place for you, despite the fact that you met the person that you plan to marry here. Obviously you were going to slightly miss Rivendell, but you guessed that it wasn't right to be here.

Slowly, with much sorrow, you began to pack your bags. In them were necessary items, such as food, clothes, and water. You also added in some items that meant a lot to you, such as a love letter that Arwen wrote to you, a ring that you were given during your time in the city, and other things.

Finally, when you were done packing, you stood up, stared at the bed that you slept in, and walked out of your door. Part of you was glad to finally be able to fit in by leaving, but another part was gnawing at you for leaving Arwen.

Who knows what you'll do to her? Unless you were right when you thought that she didn't love you. Instead of continuing to be sad about going away from Arwen, meaning that your relationship with her would be over, you went on to leave the city.

Soon enough, Rivendell was in the distance. And now, you were off to Bree. Hopefully, you will be happier in a place where you will be able to fit in. Elves were far too perfect, and being around them definitely wasn't helping you feel good. As you went away, you wondered what Arwen was doing.

Meanwhile in Rivendell, Arwen had entered your home after a long day. What she needed was a cuddle from you and maybe a little kiss. You were a huge part of her world. She loves you.

However, she went into your home and saw that you weren't there. Arwen looked all over the place. She still couldn't find you. A wave of panic flooded over her. Trying to calm herself down, she figured that you must be outside, and she should ask around to see if anyone has seen you.

Arwen walked up to Glorfindel and asked if he has seen you. The large elf shook his head, to her disappointment. She gave herself hope by telling herself that there are many people in Rivendell. At least one of them could have seen you.

"I truly hope that you get the answer that you desire." Glorfindel told Arwen. The elven lady thanked the elf and walked off to find other people. She hoped that they had seen you.

Then, Arwen had found Lindir. Perhaps he knew where you went off to. "Have you seen my love?" she asked. "I'm very worried." To Arwen's dismay, Lindir shook his head. Still, she kept hope that somebody has seen you.

The elven lady went to many people who lives in Rivendell. No matter who they were. She needed to find you, because she was getting concerned. It wasn't until Arwen had asked her brother Elladan when she got an answer that she wanted.

"Oh, I believe to have seen your lover walk outside the city." Elladan explained. "I assumed that they were going hunting or something, so I didn't stop them."

"Thank you, Elladan." Arwen said. She decided that she had to go out to find you. There is a chance that she won't be able to see you if she doesn't try to find you.

Without asking anyone for permission, she mounted on a horse and went out and tried to find you. It was odd that you left without warning. Usually, if you were going out, you would tell Arwen. But today, you hadn't, which made Arwen a little nervous that you were leaving her for good.

As Arwen set out to find you, you were already a long distance from Rivendell. You couldn't see the city at all from where you were. Finally, you were away. Now you had to go to Bree. It was going to be a long, and potentially dangerous, journey, but you were going to push through, no matter who stops you.

Right now, your stomach was killing you. So, you decided that it's most likely time to rest for a bit and have some food and water. As you sat and ate your food, you thought to yourself. How was Arwen doing right now? She must have noticed that you left, so you were curious as to how she felt about your sudden departure.

At the moment, Arwen was still going to find you. She was confident that she could find you somewhere around the area, as you couldn't have gone far. The elf wasn't going to stop until she found you. There was no stopping her unless she was far too hungry and thirsty, or she was badly injured.

You continued to eat and drink until you heard the sound of hoofs. A sick feeling was in your stomach. Unfortunately, there was much evil lurking in the world right now, so you worried that the source of the sound was not a good person.

Well, you assumed that until you heard soft singing coming from the same area. The voice was clear and could totally enchant a person into following it. You just knew that the voice was that of an elf, but you weren't too sure whose it was.

And then you found the elf that was singing. It was Arwen, on a horse so strong and tall. She had some kind of glow to her. A glow that drew you to her, no matter how much you wanted to stay hidden. Instead of continuing your trip to Bree, you walked up to her. You loved her, and you didn't want to stay away from her.

"Arwen!" you shouted at the top of your lungs, with an incredible amount of emotion. You felt tears coming in, and you just couldn't explain why. The place where you were in was quiet, but your thoughts were loud. "Arwen! My love!"

Arwen looked down at you and smiled so brightly. You could swear that her smile could chase away dark clouds in the sky, as it made you so happy. She got off of her horse and you gave her a bear hug. It had only been a short amount of time since you last saw her, but you were so excited to see her because of the pain you felt. The guilt. Seeing her happy to see you made you remember that she didn't hate you. Arwen loved you, and she has for a long time.

You noticed that at first, Arwen was surprised by the hug. Then, she put her arms around you and rested her head on your shoulder. Elves didn't embrace others like humans did. You knew this, but still the excitement made you hug her.

"Next time you should tell me when you're planning to leave. You had me worried sick." Arwen told you, after you stopped hugging her. "But enough of that, I'm just glad that you are safe. Why did you leave anyways?"

You sighed. "I wasn't feeling good enough in the city of elves. You all are perfect, and too perfect for me. Now, I do know that you have flaws, but... they're better than mine." you explained. "I was starting to feel that I wasn't loved. And that assumption lead me to leaving. I look like such a horrible person to you now, don't I? A coward, who ran away."

Arwen shook her head. "No, you are no coward. A coward would completely give up if they had those feelings. A coward wouldn't risk their life by going on a potentially perilous path to safety just to be happy." she assured you. "And a coward wouldn't run up to the love of their life if they see them. You are no coward. You are brave and intelligent. And a good person. I love you, and my love will never fade." She placed her forehead against yours and slowly shut her eyes. The beauty of Arwen had made you fall for her even more. And so did her voice and her words.

Gorgeous were her grey eyes. They could make a person fall in love at first sight. Then her hair was silky and dark. It flowed down like a waterfall up to her lower back. Her skin was soft and touchable. She had good fashion sense. Every day, she would wear an outfit that would compliment her looks. Not only did her outfit compliment her looks, but so did her personality. It was amazing. Arwen had a perfect blend of traits that made her irresistible to you. When she opened up to you and showed you the flaws she had, you fell for her even more. Though she seemed perfect, she wasn't. And that's what drew you to her even more.

"I love you, too." you simply stated, being soothed by the soft breaths that Arwen was taking. You looked at her lips, considering whether or not you should capture them in a kiss. Her lips were soft and pink, and you were in a moment of bliss. "My love is like a flower that shall never wilt. It was nothing but a mere seed long ago, when we first met, but then as we learned more about each other, it bloomed. And you water the flower that is my love for you each day, by caring for me. And for that, I need to thank you."

After you spoke, you pressed your lips against hers and felt the love flow through you. She was yours, and you were hers. That fact made you feel great. Your heart was pounding, and your eyes closed. This moment was so relaxing and you just felt calm. The worries that you had were away from your mind.

Once Arwen pulled away, you wanted more, but then you remembered that you needed to get home. You needed to go to Rivendell, because Bree was no longer your home. People have said that home is where your heart is, and your heart is with Arwen.

[purplesurveys]

1230

When was the last time you felt like “getting into someone’s pants”?  Way back last year.

What is your favorite energy drink, if you have a favorite at all?  I find energy drinks nasty.

Would you have kids with the last person you kissed?  That wouldn’t be possible even in the literal sense.

Do you know someone who threatens to kill themselves?  Before.

Would you ever completely dye your hair the color green?  Yes, but I would opt for a darker shade rather than a bright or neon one.

Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship before?  I have not. Thinking about it, I’m pretty low-maintenance so I could probably handle it if I ever find myself in that situation, as long as I’m invested enough in the relationship and my partner.

What is your favorite food to eat around Christmas?  I like anything my family prepares really, but I definitely go for lumpia first if I see a whole container of it.

Do the people in your town speak like rednecks?  No and I’m not sure if we have an equivalent for that here.

When was the last time you cried happy tears?  Like a week ago when the Permission to Dance video came out. The ending when everyone was taking off their masks and smiling was really heartwarming.

How liberal are you?  Enough to make most of my relatives uncomfortable.

Would you mind living near large predatory animals?  Yes. I’ve lived in gated villages all my life so it will take a lot of getting used to.

Have you ever experienced altitude sickness?  I don’t think so. The ‘worst’ I’ve experienced is just feeling pressure in my ears and having weakened hearing whenever we drive up mountains; it takes a while before mine do the popping thing and I get my normal hearing back.

What’s your biggest priority right now?  To be consistent at improving at my job and making fewer mistakes as I go. I shared this with my boss recently and she told me not to worry too much as I’m doing better than I think I am and that the mistakes I beat myself about have actually been small and fixable ones, but the perfectionist/workaholic in me just refuses to be reassured lol.

If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself?  The last time this happened, public wi-fi was still mostly a myth so I had to contend with A LOT of forced napping just to make the time pass by. I didn’t have a phone either, so my experience was extremely dull and boring.

Are your hands unsteady?  They’re not surgeon-level stable but I think they’re fine for the most part.

Do you listen to a lot of mainstream music?  I used to until I got into BTS. I haven’t really listened to any other artist since getting into them back in April lol.

Do you think you’re pretty?  Some days.

Have you ever added someone you don’t know on Facebook?  Yeah, a few work contacts like bloggers whose names I recognized but have never talked to/engaged with.

Do you have dirty pictures in your phone?  Nope.

Have you ever looked up porn on the internet?  Yes. I have my on-and-off phases when it comes to porn though and these days I don’t watch a lot of it.

Would you ever shoot someone right in the face? In a case of self-defense where I was clearly trying to be killed, that's right where I would aim. But otherwise, of course I wouldn't. < Sounds about right. But holy shit that sounds like it would look so gross.

Have you ever sold drugs?  I’ve never been around drugs ever.

Did you ever try cutting yourself?  It was a coping mechanism many, many moons ago.

Who’s the last guy you texted?  It was a - surprise surprise - delivery guy who needed directions again to my house.

Who do you know that wears the most make up?  I’m not sure, but then again most people I know don’t really put on makeup these days because lol Covid and stay-at-home orders??

Do any of your friends have kids?  None of my friends do but I know several acquaintances and people from high school who’ve already given birth.

Have you ever been tied up?  Yeah.

How many times have you been cussed out?  Nearly everyday as a teenager.

Are you anyone’s first love?  I think?

Have you ever had an out-of-body experience?  Nope.

Do you have more than one personality?  Nope.

Do you prefer gory horror films or the psychological ones? Psychological ones for sure, but I don’t mind gore as well as long as it’s fun to watch and that it’s not too corny.

Do you have a favorite YouTuber or do you not watch much YouTube?  I haven’t watched a lot of YouTubers these days, but very recently I’ve been gravitating towards soothing vloggers like Anna Park and Mejiwoo. Their vlogs are greeeeaaaaat and I’m excited to discover similar creators so I can watch more videos that carry the same vibe.

Are you a good dancer?  I dance only when alone or when drunk. That said, I’m no good at all.

If you could find one long-lost friend of the past, who would it be?  Continued from yesterday. It’d be nice to reconnect with Raegan for like a day, just to catch up. Then again I’ve since been able to track her down on social media, so it’s nice to be able to see how she’s doing, at least from afar.

Was your sixth grade teacher a man or a woman? The teacher-in-charge of my section was a woman. They didn’t really appoint guy teachers to be TICs until recently.

Have you ever had any teeth pulled?  Yeah, but it had been a decayed tooth at that point that really needed to be pulled since it technically didn’t have a purpose anymore.

Do you wash your hair or your body first when taking a shower? Hair. 

Have you ever been to a nursing home?  I don’t think so.

Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into?  Fortunately, no. My mom’s childhood home was robbed though, and their grand piano ended up being stolen :( To this day they have no clue how the thieves were able to pull it off without making too big of a fuss.

Is there someone in your life you don’t want in it?  I don’t think I dislike anyone that much at the moment.

How many different people of the opposite sex have you cried over?  Three. Two of them because they died, and the other one is my dad for the times we had to drive him to the airport though I only cried over it only as a kid. 

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?  Andi.

Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you?  Yes.

Pretending to “never get the text” from someone who annoys you. Is that you?  Not really. I reply, just not quickly enough.

If your ex came up to you and asked you to take them back, what would you say?  Honest to god I would probably be smug about it, and ask what led to the sudden change of mind. I’m doing too okay now to entertain the request though, so idk if I would agree to it or not because I’ve worked pretty hard to get here.

Do you prefer boys to shave down there? I wouldn’t know; I’ve never been with a guy before so I haven’t really had a chance to establish a preference.

How much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)? Nothing.

Do you enjoy watching cooking shows?  I have my moods. I prefer my cooking shows on YouTube, though.

Do you worry about gaining weight?  No.

Have you ever seen the movie A Walk to Remember? Cliche or worth watching?  Yeah the acting was so fucking cheesy the first 5 minutes the only thing left for me to do was gag. What’s one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in?  They don’t really organize stuff here, or if they do I never join them to begin with.

Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouses' names?  Nope. I know my sister doesn’t want to get married + I don’t speak to my brother, so I dunno if I’ll ever have any in-laws tbh.

Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out?  Well obviously I crave it these days, so it actually feels nice when everyone in the family has errands to run on the same day.

Did you lose friends when you started dating someone?  I lost Sofie, but I also blame college life for that loss.

Did you leave milk and cookies for Santa when you were little?  No.

To who did you last give the finger to?  I haven’t had to flip someone off in a while. I’m guessing just some stupid driver.

Do you talk in your sleep?  Nope. At least I have never been informed that I do.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?  It’s civil enough for the house to stay quiet most days, but it’s nothing excellent.

Have you ever been a featured member on any website?  I don’t think so.

Do you feel that your previous relationships were a waste of time?  Yes.

Do you prefer hot chocolate with or without marshmallows?  Without. I HAAAAAATE marshmallows.

Which do you like better: Regular cakes or cookie cakes?  I never got the point of cookie cakes tbh lol.

Have you ever been hit by the opposite sex?  No.

If your significant other cheated on you, would you take them back?  I know I definitely have the capacity to be dumb enough to do this, but it would also depend on how invested I am in the person.

What was the last song you listened to?  I'm currently listening to a slowed down version of Jungkook’s cover of Biebs’ 2U. 4 AM things.

What do you look for most in a friendship?  I’ve answered this question on a previous survey, same with a few of the following questions.

[yoekko-novels]

[To Touch The Sky] New Foods, New Words, New World #002

"Listen up Hubrid, I’m about to tell you something very important, even if you cannot understand it, I at least want you to remember,” Druchess says as he begins to take a seat next to him as his beard drags along the cold ground of the cave.Hubrid stares at Druchess as he nods his head up and down.

“Okay, don’t forget a single word. Not for as long as you breathe. I’ll tell you why you had to live life on the ground. Why you can hardly remember your past, and the relationship between your people, and the people of magic.” Druchess says with melancholy in his voice.

“Long ago, before anyone had the ability of strength or magic there was a single being that ruled over all of creation, he formed the world for a while and left three of his descendants to watch over us. Eeara, Aaura, and Haaura. They each held the supreme power of an element. Water, Wind, and Ground. Eeara created the oceans when the world was desolate and…”

Hubrid stares at Druchess as drool falls from his mouth in big wet globs as it touches the ground.

“Ahem, as I was saying, the world was empty. So, in an attempt to give it life she put water across the terrain so that creatures could come to exist. Then Aaura, placed mountains and soil so that plants could be grown and so that creatures could explore the lands.”

Hubrid sees a bug sitting on the ground sitting still. He darts his hand at it quicker than it can react and puts it in his mouth and begins to chew. “...Okay, the final of the trio is a name that has been erased from all of history. I’m one of the few people left that knows of her-.”

Hubrid spits out the bug he had chewed on with force and begins scouring the room in an attempt to find a new one.

“Okay, what -- are -- you -- doing?” Druchess says slowly so that Hubrid could understand.“Hungry,” Hubrid replies as he sees a spider hanging on by a single thread in front of his eyes as he nabs it out of the air.

Druchess realizes that the boy had been a slave. That he had to fight for his food, and then when he rarely got it, it would be inedible. He scans over the Hubrid’s frail body and sees that his bones are nearly visible through the skin.

“Spit that out, I’ll fix you up…” Druchess says in understanding as he nods his head downwards and closes his eyes in solemn.

“You wan some?” Hubrid says with benevolence as he spits the mangled spider onto his hand and sticks it out in front of Druchess.

“N-no thank you, Hubrid,” Druchess says as he lifts up his head and opens his eyes to see tiny spiders crawling across Hubrid’s hand and arms.

“Moore for me!” Hubrid shouts as he begins sucking them up one after another into his mouth.

Druchess rubs the temple of his forehead as he realizes that teaching this boy will be harder than it looks.

“I’ll make you some real food Hubrid, we can finish my story after you’ve recuperated a little, okay?”

Hubrid nods his head eagerly. Druchess snaps his finger and a pot in the corner of the cavern begins to give off light as a fire burns beneath it. As Druchess sees the water inside of the pot boil and the flames ignite, he jumps back a little bit.

“Sorry, it’s been… a long time since I’ve cooked hot food,” Druchess says despondently as he stares at the water rippling endlessly.

He stares at it as droplets of his tears fall into it.

“Crying?” Hubrid says in a questioning tone.

“No, I’m adding some salt to it to give it flavor.” Druchess rebuts quickly.

Druchess grabs his book and rips a page out of it and throws it under the flames as he begins to toss unidentifiable meat into the pot.

“Once you eat this, your vocabulary will get better. I would give you more but it’s better if you learn naturally. I’ll do my best to make up for the childhood you had to endure and for the future, that’s awaiting you.” Druchess says as his tears continue falling into the pot as Hubrid had already fallen asleep soundly.

“If you take that boy to the king, he’ll surely forgive you…” A voice whispers to Druchess as he paces back and forth as the fire continues burning as it cackles and fills the room with smoke. “No! If you raise the boy properly, you could use him to take over the kingdom!” Another voice cries out to him.

“Kill him.” A deep gruff voice says as Druchess’s eyes dart wide open.

He had fallen asleep alongside Hubrid. He pulls a book out of his robe that reads “Time,” he opens it and realizes that six hours had passed.

The meat was ruined and the water corrupted. Still, Hubrid had to eat from it. He shakes Hubrid violently as he refuses to awake.

Hubrid was dreaming of the story that Druchess had told him. He saw the face of The Creator, and it saw him. He created the world while staring at him and then his mouth moved slowly and precisely, no sound came out but his message was clear...

“Help them.” The first word was one that Hubrid had heard plenty of back on the farm he belonged to, the last part confused him though. The shaking from Druchess awakens Hubrid from his dream.

“Eat this,” Druchess says as he holds a jagged stone bowl filled with soggy meat with a piece of blond hair sitting on top of the bowl.

Hubrid grabs the bowl hastily and begins eating chunk after chunk voraciously, he’d never eaten a meal this large before, the water in the bowl looks cleaner than the water he’d normally drank.

He finishes it quickly and lets out a long burp.

“How’d you like the food?” Druchess says while waiting for Hubrid’s response as he crosses his fingers behind his back.

“It was… Equivalent.” Hubrid says in a condescending tone.

“You mean exquisite?”

“Yes, that.”

“Well, it looks like it worked pretty well if I say so myself,” Druchess says with confidence.

“Indubitatabay,” Hubrid says with a smirk.

“... It’ll get better with time…” Druchess says with a pause as he grabs another book from his robe.

“Splendid,” Hubrid caresses his chin as he puts his bowl to the ground.

“All right, now that you can understand me better, let’s continue with the story,” Druchess says as he begins to pace back and forth.

“Where was I… I remember I was telling about the third goddess, the one whose name was erased from all history books, except mine. The dusty book he’d pulled out earlier said “History,” on the cover of it.

“Alright, here we go,” Druchess says with a huff as he blows dust off of the book that fills the room. When everything settles, a hologram of three ladies stands before both Hubrid and Druchess.

“Quite Volputious,” Hubrid says in wonder.

“Indeed,” Druchess says as he stares at the three of them.

He shakes his head to break free of their hypnotizing figures.

“No! That is not what we are here for young man! The dust from this book can bring images and words to life. I’ll show you the story so you can better understand it. "

A picture plays of the three goddesses sitting on a perch watching over the world. The two sisters were holding chains behind their backs. Haaura looked down too much and nearly fell chains were tossed around her as she sighed with relief at the close call of her almost falling. Her two peers wouldn’t let her out of the chains through after she’d begged. As she squirmed on the ground she managed to throw a small speck of dust down to the planet. The dust from the video falls into the chest of Hubrid as he rubs his body.

“Does that explain it well enough for you?”

“Parheps,” Hubrid says as he looks completely confused.

With a facepalm, Druchess puts his book away and the three ladies disappeared. 

“Where did those gentlemen with xx chromosomes go?” He scours the room as nonplus is easily seen on his face.

“So you didn’t understand... also, I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t know that much…”

“Huh?” Hubrid says while not realizing what he did.

“Never mind, let me simplify the story for you. The third goddess, Haaura embedded a very miniscule amount of magic in you. That magic is different from the kind that people like myself and other Magic-Users wield. This power, albeit weak, will one day grow so strong, your own body not be able to handle it. So, you must train yourself physically and mentally in order to one day use your true potential,”

Druchess stares at Hubrid as he sees his magic aura. It had already become stronger after less than two days. His progress was something that was only seen from Magic-Users of royalty. Magic-Users of royalty also had their magic given to them directly from the gods, but it wasn’t from Haaura, the foundation of all magic.

“But! Before anything else, you must learn proper etiquette and arithmetic,” Druchess says while he stares at Hubrid with hope in his eyes.

“Agreedable,” Hubrid says as he eagerly awaits his tutoring. He was eager until he saw two weird symbols embedded on the stone wall. “1 + 1”

“Do you know what this is?,” Druchess asks as he begins to take a seat next to the wall while pointing to it as his beard nearly trips him.

“But of course, it’s a wall!” Hubrid says in confidence as Druchess begins punching the wall in frustration, nearly drawing blood from his knuckles.

[voidingintotheshout]

December 4th: Hot Cocoa With Marshmallows

The party had gone on for three or four hours and Trevor sat eating through most of it. Pigs in a blanket, quiche, appetizers, dozens of cookies; eggnog both spiked and not. All kinds of delicious holiday treats went into his growing belly. Maybe it was the eggnog, or the shots of spiced Brandy, but by the end of the night he wasn’t even hiding his greedy gluttony anymore.

He was still a charming party guest, offering sparkling conversation to anyone who happened near, but he did notice that it was a different type of conversation. People talked to him differently. Before, they talk to him like people were talking to Jack, like you would talk to a minor celebrity. That’s what it was like when people were talking with a hot person. It was great at first, but he had just gotten so tired of it.

He thought about this as he munched on some pizza rolls they were clearly out of the box but they were filling and there were a lot of them. He felt like one way in which he could be a good party guest is to eat the foods that clearly nobody else was interested in eating. A lot of food needed to go into this belly of his so it might as will be the foods that other people weren’t competing for.

The host came over “Thank you for finishing those pizza rolls. She just gets a case of them from Costco and brings that. I have to put it out or else she will get upset but no one ever eats them. I made some of my famous hot chocolate with a bowl of marshmallows on the side to add as many as you want. I put the hot chocolate in a pitcher, so you can refill your cup as you need to. But hey, I want to say that it’s really awesome of you to get Jack to wear your old Christmas suit. He doesn’t even know what to do himself with all this extra attention. I have to ask though, why the change?”

“Honestly? I always knew that he didn’t care about how I looked, and over the previous year, I have been noticing more and more that taking care of my body was keeping me away from the man I loved. He would be taking some cooking classes and he couldn’t share any of the stuff he was making with me because it was too fattening.”

“Really?”

“Really. I was hanging out with his friends from the cooking class and he had gone to the bathroom and they were talking about some of Jack’s favorite recipes and I didn’t know any of them. At first, I thought it was just because I don’t know much about cooking but then he sheepishly mentioned that he didn’t talk about them because he didn’t want me to have to refuse to eat recipe after recipe because he didn’t want to feel like he was pressuring me to eat unhealthy food he knew I didn’t want.” Trevor sighed, and looked bashfully down. “Do you get it? Taking care of my body was causing the man I love to start keeping things from me and it was keeping me out of parts of his life that really meant something to him. Not to mention the time at the gym.” He added with an airy gesture of his hand. “There were all of the times where he just wanted a quiet night at home and chose to hang out with one of his friends instead of me because he didn’t want to keep me from the gym.”

“I see.”

“Yeah. The worst was right around Valentine’s Day, when he started to imply that it was OK if I started to check out other guys right in front of him on dates because, he felt like it only made sense for me to want a more in shape guy with a body like mine instead of his. It made me feel really bad, like I was living my life for myself. I felt like I needed to change my priorities and make him a priority in my life. I needed to make him feel like he was my priority, not my physique.” Trever smiled, holding up the mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows. “Thanks for the hot chocolate, by the way.”

“No problem, big guy. Bears are hot right now.”

“It’s all that extra fat.” Trevor said laughing as the host walked off to greet another guest.

He wondered how far he was going to take this new lifestyle that has started as a rebellion against his place in the social circle. He did this partially because he had been tired of all of the backhanded compliments about Jack behind his partner’s back. Asking Trevor if Jack had a great sense of humor, if Jack was really successful at work, or rich. Always the implication that clearly looks were not what drew Trevor to his husband. He didn’t really even care about his own looks anymore. He already had his fun being the hot younger guy and now he was settled down. Nobody at work really cared what he looked like and the guys in the gay community that cared what he, a married man looked like, were usually bad news.

The decision to start gaining weight happened around Valentine’s Day earlier that year. He had gone to dinner and dancing with his husband and while his husband was off getting drinks (whose idea had it been for Jack to be the one in the servant role in the relationship that got things for him, Trevor wondered). They have been thick as thieves all night with Trevor unable to keep his hands off his curvy beautiful husband and this morally bankrupt Twink piece of trash came over and started hitting on him on Valentine’s Day, while he was on a date with his husband. It galled Trevor that even after he said “I’m here with my husband on Valentine’s Day.“

He couldn’t believe it when that asshole replied “I can’t blame you for wanting to talk to me when your husband is looking like that. Oink oink! Am I right?” The Twink added, snickering.

Trevor was apoplectic. He grabbed a little twerp and held him about an inch in the air, his muscles rippling. “If I see you coming back here and talking to me again I swear to God I will tear your dick off and beat you to death with it. Get the fuck away from me and don’t ever say anything nasty about my husband again. He is the hottest fucking guy and he has what you will never have—class.”

“Pfft. Fine. Guess sloppy guys are your kink. I can’t compete with that. I actually exercise. Have fun fucking person pudding.” The twink said as he laughed and walked away.

Trevor glanced back and noticed that Jack was making his way back to the bar, only having eyes for him. He hated himself. What had Jack heard? What Jack said next would change Trevor’s waistline forever. “Don’t worry about it. Dating a guy as hot as you, I expect other guys to hit on you. That guy was cute. I don’t mind if sometimes you want to look. I know you’re going home with me. I love you.”

Even though he hadn’t done anything, Trevor felt like shit. He hated having to deal with assholes hitting on him and not really being respected for what he brought to the table because he was just automatically given better treatment because of his looks. He loved the fact that Jack was not even remotely interested in his physique because that didn’t play into his sexual fantasies involving Trevor or their sexual compatibility. Increasingly, Trevor didn’t even like this physique either.

They hung out at the nightclub for some pre-dinner drinks for a little bit longer and then Trevor remember that there was an amazing gourmet pizza restaurant that Jack had been wanting to go to for six months and all of a sudden it seemed like the right night to go, that Valentine’s Day date all of those months and pounds ago. “I love you too. Speaking of, I had an idea. Do you remember that gourmet pizza restaurant a couple of blocks from here that you’ve been wanting to go to for a while? Well, I know I didn’t make a New Year’s resolution this year but I think my resolution this year is to eat more carbs. You are such a great cook and I really want to start enjoying everything that you have to offer in the kitchen. Besides, I’ve had a decade to enjoy this fit trim body, I’d like to take some time to enjoy other parts of life instead of just the gym and different ways to flavor chicken breast. Would you mind if we started experimenting in the kitchen a little bit more?”

“But what about your abs and the muscle definition you worked so hard for? I thought we were going to that salad place for our Valentine’s date. That would be okay with me. I can get pizza with one of my other friends. I know how important your fit, toned physique is to you. I wouldn’t wanna mess that up.”

Now Trevor really did feel like shit. “Honestly? I’m tired of looking like this. It’s not fun anymore. I’m with you, an amazing guy that makes me happy every single day and I could be wrong but I don’t think you really care about how my body looks and I’m really tired of the negative attention that it’s getting me. I’m tired of feeling like I’m missing out on fun things in life like amazing desserts and delicious pizza because I need to watch my calories and carbs. I’m tired of it. How would you feel if I just let go of my restrictive nutrition regimen and just started eating whatever I felt like with you. Would you mind?“

Ever so quietly, Jack whispered “actually, I’ve often fantasized about you being bigger. Softer. More comfortable. I knew how important fitness was when we started dating, so I was happy for you being big with muscles; but you being big with muscles and curves would be really hot I think. The pizza is really good there. Also, if you put on a little weight then we might be able to wear some of the same clothes.”

Right then, Trevor decided that they would be able to wear some of the same clothes because soon Trevor was going to get bigger and fatter than Jack had ever been and Jack would have his own wardrobe and Trevor’s old wardrobe to choose from. “I’m definitely going to be making a pig of myself there. I might get a whole pizza for myself.”

“You should! Indulge. Be bad. Weak. Let the whole restaurant see that you don’t have any self-control. That you can’t stop yourself.”

Trevor smiled. “Let’s get pizza. I’m feeling hungry.”

Suddenly, he was shaken from his reverie by Jack. He was pulled out of the memories of that amazing Valentine’s Day date and back to the Christmas party, where he found that he had been absentmindedly eating the whole time he’d been daydreaming. “Hey pig. I think it’s hot that you’re stuffing food into your mouth with your hands, off in your own world over here, but our friends are starting to stare. Maybe we can dance and chitchat with our friends before you eat yourself into a coma?”

Even though his body was getting soft, something was getting hard, And both men knew it. Trevor’s plate was now empty plate in a nearby trashcan and he accepted the waiting hand of his sexy husband who lovingly heaved him up off of the chair so they could dance to some of their favorite songs, body against the body. Firm against flesh. It was a good life.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Did 2015 just fly by to you? I probably did feel that way. I usually do when looking back on each year. The only things I really remember about 2015 is graduating UC and hanging out with Ty.

Do you like platform shoes? No. I couldn’t wear them anyway.

How much black is in your wardrobe? Most of my wardrobe is black. 

Are you supposed to be doing something else? Nah, this is what I like doing at this time of night as part of my nighttime routine.

If you were with your favorite person right now, what would you be doing? I’d like finish watching this show my mom and I have been watching and check out the first two episodes of the new season of another show. 

Did you have a good holiday season? I did.

Anything special planned for today? Nope.

Who do you really trust in your life? My family.

What do you think about Justin Bieber? I like some of his music.

Do you wish you could change the past? Not entirely, but there’s a lot I wish I could change.

What is your hot drink of choice? Coffeeee.

Do you own a gun? No.

Have you ever cracked your cell phone screen? Not my current phone, but in the past I have. I haven’t had that happen in years, though.

Have your pants ever fallen down in public? No.

If you had to delete one year of your life, which year would it be? I wouldn’t want to delete an entire year. I’d like to change things that happened in various years, though.

What is your favorite article of clothing you own? All of them, which is why I have them.

How late do you usually stay up? Until like 7 or 8AM. :X

What is your favorite Christmas song? I love all the classics.

What all have you had to eat today? It’s only 4AM and so far I’ve just had ramen. 

If your entire life was a movie, what would it be called? I don’t know.

Blue or green? I like various shades of both.

What's your current least favorite song? *shrug* I haven’t been listening to music lately.

Do you know how to play chess? Nope.

What is something the world needs less and more of in your opinion? We need more unity and less stupidity and hatred.

Do you know someone who is just so breathtakingly attractive? Alexander Skarsgard.

How hard is it for you to open up to others? I have a really hard time with that. Even with people I am close to.

What is something that has really impacted your life? My physical disability for sure as well as health issues.

Quick! Chinese or Mexican? Hm. It honestly depends what food I’m in the mood for. I do have Mexican more often. I enjoyed both a lot more when I could eat spicy stuff, but I can’t anymore. :(

How many significant others have you had in your WHOLE life? I’ve only had one, technically. We had the relationship title, anyway. It didn’t feel like one, though. What I had with Joseph felt closer to one in a lot of ways, but we never officially dated. 

I have to ask: What does the last text you received say? My dad asked me to do something.

How about the last text you sent? I asked my mom if she could grab me something while she was at the store.

Have you shared any kisses today? No.

Did the last person you kissed have soft lips, or were they kind of crusty? They were soft.

Do you think your life will be any different a year from now? For the past few years nothing seems to change each passing year, but that’s largely my own doing. Not in a good way, anyway. There have been bad changes.

What is in your wallet? Credit cards.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? Nope.

When was the last time you went to the doctor? This past Tuesday. 

Are you going out of town anytime soon? Nope.

Do you hate your ex? No.

When are you going to get a haircut? I have no idea.

Can you fit your hand around your wrist? Yes. 

Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? Yes.

When was the last time you applied chapstick? I don’t remember.

Are you a coffee person or a tea person? Coffee all the way.

Do you have a weird laugh? *shrug*

Do you have videos on YouTube? I do, but they’re all private and will never see the light of day again.

When’s the last time you had a phone conversation for more than ten minutes? I don’t remember. I rarely talk on the phone and when I do they’re very brief conversations.

Do you laugh at inappropriate times? No.

What’s your fast food restaurant of choice? The ones I go to are Chick-fil-A, Carl’s Jr, Jack in the Box, and McDonald’s. I haven’t been eating fast food much lately, though.

All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with? D, G, and J.

Are you in any kind of pain right now? Yes.

Are you the jealous type? I can be, but I haven’t felt that way in years.

What did you and your ex fight about most? Our issue was definitely lack of/poor communication. 

Do you have a foot phobia? I’m not afraid of feet, but I hate them lol. No one should even think about trying to put their feet on me or near me. I hate mine, too.

Well, are you a germaphobe? I don’t share drinks or eat off someone’s food or utensil or anything like that or want them to do that to mine. I’ll gladly cut off a piece and share or pour some out for ya. 

Don’t you love long hugs? From certain people.

And long kisses? Yes.

Have you ever purchased condoms? No.

Do you have a dirty mind? Sometimes.

What’s your favorite soda? I don’t drink soda anymore, but Coke and Dr. Pepper were my favorites.

Do you check the mail everyday, or somebody else? I personally don’t, but someone in my family does.

Did you think braces were cool when you were little? No.

Do you ever go without makeup or doing your hair? I haven’t worn makeup in almost 4 years and I just throw my hair up in a messy bun all the time. I also admittedly don’t brush it everyday.

Put your iTunes on shuffle RIGHT NOW and tell me the first song it plays. I don’t use iTunes and I don’t feel like opening Spotify right now.

What was the last song you added to your iTunes library? I forget the last song I added to my Spotify.

Are you embarrassed by any of the songs in your iTunes? I’m not embarrassed by any of the songs on my Spotify.

When was the last time you were sick? Back in October.

Did you get anybody else sick? No, it wasn’t contagious.

What brand is your camera? I just use my phone, which is an iPhone 12 Pro Max.

Do you like raisins? Yeah. Chocolate covered raisins, especially. ha. Who was your Valentine this year? I won’t have one.

When did you first kiss the last person you kissed? March 2011.

And when did you last kiss the last person you kissed? Sometime in 2013.

Did you borrow that shirt from somebody? Nope, it’s mine.

What was the last thing you put in your mouth? My medicine.

Do you like to swim? No.

How many vacations have you been on in the past year? My last vacay was last February a month before COVID hit and everything shut down. It’s crazy how fast everything changed and everything that has happened since then. We had no idea what was coming. I’m glad we happened to take a nice vacation when we did cause who knows when the next one will be. 

Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? I’m single, but no I never have in the past.

Are you supposed to be doing homework, young man/lady? Nopeee, I’m done with school.

Do you have to wake up early tomorrow? Nope.

Do you have any prescriptions currently? Yes.

Are you upset about anything? Bleh.

Where was the last place you went that you hadn't been to before? The OC.

Who was the last member of the opposite sex to make you smile? My brother.

Who was the last attractive person you saw? I see Alexander Skarsgard on my dash all the time. 

Do you have a friend whose name begins with "C"?

Is there anything happening in the next week that you're looking forward to? New episodes of some shows I’m watching to come out.

How many people have you kissed whose name starts with "R"? Zero.

When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate? It’s been a few years. 

When was the last time you were invited to go somewhere and you declined? The other day my mom asked me if I wanted to tag along for the ride with her while she ran some errands, but I declined.

The last time you saw your best friend, what were they wearing? She was wearing a black shirt with Maleficent on it that I got her for Christmas.

How did you meet the person you're currently interested in? I’m not interested in anyone romantically right now.

What was the last gift you received and who gave it to you? Various Christmas presents from my family.

When was the last time you drank alcohol and what was the occasion? My birthday back in 2013.

You've got an unread message on Facebook; who do you want it to be from? There isn’t anyone in particular. 

What if the person you miss walked into the room right now? The people I miss have passed away, so...

Are you still with the person you fell the hardest for and if not, do you still speak to them? Nope.

What was the last song that made you cry and what does the song talk about? I don’t remember.

If you're in a relationship, how long have you been together? I’m single.

If you're single, are you looking for a relationship? No.

Look around the room; what's the closest blue object? My back pillow.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? No.

How old were your parents when they met? They were in their early and mid 20s.

Who was the last person you added to your phone's contacts? I don’t recall.

What's a song that reminds you of someone you miss? Everlong (the acoustic version) by Foo Fighters.

What's the most expensive item you've bought recently? It was an accumulation of things when I was doing my Christmas shopping.

Who're the last three people you hugged? My mom, dad, and doggo. 

What's the third song on your iTunes "most played" list?

What exactly is on your mind at this moment? I’m tired.

What is it that makes you awesome? Nothing.

What is today’s date? January 16, 2021.

What time is it? 4:55AM.

At this moment in time, is there anything worrying you, that no one else knows about? Yes.

Have you ever cried in front of the last person you texted? Countless times.

What was the last thing you watched on YouTube? I’m watching an ASMR video.

Have you ever voluntarily read the Bible? Yes. I read and study the Bible. I participate in Bible studies. Have you ever thought that your life was so bad you wanted to give up? I’ve felt that way a lot.

How old are you? 31.

When do you start school? I’m done with school.

Do thunder and storms scare you? I love ‘em. We have had a thunderstorm here in so long it feels like.

How often would you say you take naps? Not that often since I usually sleep in until like 5PM. And not to say I couldn’t still take a nap cause I could (I’m always tired), but I wouldn’t want to so late in the day.

How many times in your life have you held a baby? Many times. I have a younger brother and I also have held several of my cousins when they were babies.

Do you like country music? Yeah.

What were you doing at 7:45 this morning? It’s only 5AM, but I’ll most likely be asleep or attempting to.

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? I haven’t done so yet today, but I’m always like “ew.” I avoid looking in the mirror as much as possible.

Do you look decent when you wake up? No. Or ever.

Do you like to cuddle? I don’t have much cuddling experience to be honest, but sure.

Were you single on your last birthday? Yes.

Do you have any candles in your room? I do. I never light candles, so I’m not really sure why I have one any, but *shrug*

How long does it take you in the shower? Like 30-45 minutes.

Relationship between you and the last person you texted? She’s my mom.

When was the last time you felt unbearably guilty? I feel guilty about a few things.

Are you currently looking forward to anything? Just new episodes of some of the shows I watch like I mentioned before and new shows in general. There’s a lot coming out this year.

What are two foods you think only taste good with whipped cream? Uhh. I can’t think of any that I think only taste good with whipped cream. 

If you eat it, what is your favorite way to eat beef? When it’s in the form of meatballs (mixed with sausage, garlic, onion, and herbs).

What foods go good with radishes? Don’t they commonly go in salads?

Are you insecure about your height? What made you think this way? No. I do wish I was taller, though.

Did your last significant other have a huge temper? No.

Do you usually close the door with your feet or with your hands? My hands.

Are you a fussy eater? I am a picky eater and due to appetite and other issues I’m very particular about what I eat and how it’s prepared and all that. I honestly only eat the same few foods.

Do you enjoy visiting your grandparents? Yes.

Is your hair hard to manage? For me it is. I don’t have the energy or motivation for it.

Have you ever shopped online? I do a lot of online shopping, especially the past few years. Even more so this past year alone due to COVID.

Do you prefer gold or silver? I like both.

What about diamonds or pearls? Both.

Have you ever had surgery? I’ve had several.

Have you ever eaten at Chik-fil-a? Yeah, many times.

Do you spray tan? Nope.

How many hours of sleep would you say you got last night? About 5ish. 

How many aunts and uncles do you have? 3 aunts, 8 uncles. 

Would you say your life is hard? It is for me.

Are your fingernails, and toenails painted, if so, what color? Nope, neither of them are.

Would you ever think about doing porn? No.

What did your last text message you received on your cell say? My dad asked me to do something.

What is something you need to go shopping for? Nothing at the moment.

[kriscme]

One Life To Live

Hi Readers, here’s the latest chapter.   Thanks to Ronja for allowing me to write fanfic of her Hunger Games fanfic “The Chance You Didn’t Take” which you can read on AO3 and FanFiction. Chapter 27 The gates of Victor’s Village looms closer with every step.   I wish I could grab Marcus by the hand and run back into the woods.  To live in the concrete house by the lake, just the two of us, and live on wild greens, berries and katniss roots.   To make love long into the night, and then bring out our sleeping mats as we did last night, to lie beneath clear skies to watch for shooting stars.   Marcus would point out the constellations – big bear, little bear, lynx – and I’d say they look nothing like them, and then we’d take our sleeping mats back into the concrete house to sleep in each other’s arms until the morning light.  And we’d live it over, and over again, so I’d never have to face what lies beyond those gates. It’s not long to the wedding and I dread the thought of it, but I have to go.  If I don’t, there’ll be talk.  Flavius keeps me abreast of all the gossip. The relationship between Peeta and Lace isn’t popular, and this wedding is seen by many as the ultimate betrayal, so invested were people in our romance.  I don’t know if Peeta is aware of it; he seems to live in a fantasy world sometimes. But Lace surely would.   To protect him, I have to appear as if I’m fine with it.  And that means fronting up to the wedding, all smiles and best wishes for the happy couple.  But I’m far from confident that I can pull it off.   And there’s after.  Living across the road from them.  Knowing that Lace occupies his bed every night.  His happiness, her smugness.  The pain of interacting with him.  What are we now, anyway?  Not friends anymore, not really.  Acquaintances?  Fellow veterans?  And they intend having children too.  Five of them. It will likely be straight off, if Peeta has his way.  And when they’re old enough they’ll go to school.  The school I work at.  And be in my classroom.  I’ll never be free of them, even if I do move out of the Village.   Not only would I need to change houses.  I would need to change jobs.  Maybe even change Districts. As we pass through the gates, I can’t help but drag my feet.  Marcus turns his head to peer questioningly at my face.   I pick up my pace to catch up with him.  We’re nearly at my house. “I’m just tired,” I tell him.  “And hungry.” “You’re a woman of immense appetites, Katniss Everdeen,” he says, pulling me towards him to give me a quick, hard kiss.  “And whose fault is that?” I retort.  “If you weren’t so good at cooking and – “ “Fucking?” asks a disembodied voice.   A female shape emerges from the shadows of my porch. It’s Johanna.  She appears to have been waiting for us.   “You’re late,” she accuses.  “You said you’d be back around mid-afternoon.” I scowl at her.  I know what I said, but I don’t like her tone.  I’m not obliged to be back at a certain time to please her. Besides, what’s she even doing here? It’s not like I invited her over and wasn’t here when she arrived.   “We came back a different way.  It took longer,” I say curtly.  That’s all the explanation I want to give, but Marcus, perhaps to diffuse the tension, steps in to give Johanna a brief welcoming hug. “Katniss had something to show me.  Would you believe an oak with a circumference of over 23 feet?  At least three hundred years old.”   “That’s nothing,” says Johanna dismissively. “In 7 we have trees much bigger and older than that.” “Is there anything we can help you with?” I break in.  I’m not in the mood for a contest over which district has the biggest trees.   All I want is to offload this heavy pack, have a bite to eat and then go to bed.   “I need to speak with you.   That’s if you can spare the time,” she replies, her voice edged with sarcasm.  What is her problem?  She hasn’t been this hostile towards me since the Quell.   I turn to Marcus in exasperation.  He takes the hint and moves towards the door.  “Why don’t I see what I can scrounge up for supper? Will you be joining us, Jo?” I can see the struggle in her face.   This is food and Johanna will rarely pass on an invitation.  “No thanks,” she says, and I can see it’s hurting.  “I shouldn’t stay away for too long.” After Marcus closes the door behind him, I hoist my pack from my shoulders and drop it to the floor.  My feet are tired and I sit down on the top step, motioning for Johanna to do the same but she remains standing, arms crossed in front of her.   Before I can even open my mouth, she lets me have it. “Are you with Marcus now?” she demands. “None of –,” I begin, but then think better of it.  I don’t want to add fuel to whatever fire is bugging Johanna.  I start again.  “I don’t know.  Maybe.” And that’s the truth.  I’m not so naïve to believe that a weekend of sex makes us boyfriend and girlfriend.  Nothing’s been said about feelings, or our future. “But you’re fucking him?” Johanna persists.  It’s more a statement than a question. “We’ve had sex, if that’s any of your business,” I say stiffly. “Of course, it’s my business.  It became my business when you involved me in this whole sorry saga with Peeta.”  My irritation with her rises another notch.  It was her idea to get involved, not mine.   “Not that you shouldn’t fuck him,” she continues.  “Peeta’s had his fun, so why can’t you?  Heck, I’d even say fuck the entire district; you don’t owe him anything.   But it doesn’t help, you know.   Not when I’ve been working my arse off to get the two of you back together.  But today I really could have used your help.   With Peeta having flashbacks every five minutes and Haymitch next to useless.   Aurelius says it’s the stress but – “ “Wait!  Slow down.  I can’t make head or tail of what you’re on about.”  I shake my head in confusion.   “What stress? And why isn’t Lace taking care of him? It should be her responsibility, not yours.   I don’t –” “They broke up.” It takes a few seconds to sink in.  And when it does, all I can do is stare at Johanna thunderstruck.  “But why?” I eventually get out.  “Is it because she lied?” Johanna shrugs.  “I asked him that.  He said they both lied.”     She comes to sit down beside me on the porch step, having calmed down a little.  “When he came home last night, he didn’t seem too bad, just really flat, like he had nothing left.  But this morning, he started having those flashbacks he gets where he has to clutch the back of a chair or something.   I went to Haymitch for help but he chose last night, of all nights, to go on a bender. I couldn’t get one sensible word out of him.”   “Sometimes a jug of cold water thrown over him helps,” I say absently, still stunned over the news of Peeta and Lace’s breakup.  Despite myself, a kernel of hope takes root in my heart.  Could the breakup have been over me, even just a little bit?  But then just as quickly, I squash it down flat, stomp it back down into the earth, and bury it deep.  Fool!  When will you learn? My gaze settles on his house across the street, only a very short distance away, and I wish I could be there with him.   I feel bad that I wasn’t, but I know I wouldn’t have been wanted even if I had. He has enough to deal with without adding his current awkwardness with me to the mix.  How can you feel right accepting comfort for heartbreak, when the very person who’s doing the comforting is heartbroken over you?    I’m very grateful that Johanna is taking care of him, but I can’t help feeling jealous too. She gets to be the one to protect him, when it used to be me.   Johanna’s voice snaps me back to attention. “So, I got on the phone to Aurelius and told him what happened.  He said emotional stress exacerbates his condition and to increase his meds.  Which I did, but he still kept on having them. A couple of hours ago I slipped some sleep syrup into his tea, so he could get some rest, and he’s now sleeping it off.  I don’t want to be gone too long on the chance he wakes up.  Although I did give him a big dose.” If it was the same as I gave him in our first Games, he’ll be out until at least noon tomorrow.  “How did you get him to drink it?  He would have noticed the sweetness.  He doesn’t take sugar in his tea.”   “I think he wanted to be knocked out,” says Johanna.  “He was exhausted.” “Do you know who broke it off?” I ask. It seems to me that it must have been Lace since he’s taken it so hard.   “No.  I couldn’t get him to talk much.”  She lets out a breath and shakes her head.  “What a mess! The reception will have to be cancelled, though I doubt he’ll get his money back at such short notice.  And what he’s spent on clothes for himself and the wedding party.” That’s news to me.  Surely Peeta wasn’t paying to outfit the entire wedding party.  Who was to be in it, anyway?  And then it dawns on me.  Of course, friends and family of Lace.   “At least there’s one blessing, Lace’s relatives are still in 8 so he hadn’t yet paid for hotel rooms for them all.  He’d booked the best rooms for them too.”  Johanna rolls her eyes at this.   I narrow mine.  That bitch! And after I had warned her not to encourage Peeta’s extravagant spending on this wedding.   “Do you think he’ll be alright?” I ask.  “He’s already gone through so much.” “Yeah, I think so,” she answers.   “He’s had a lucky escape if you ask me, although it might take a while for him to see it that way.  That relationship always seemed off to me – like they were trying too hard.  I would have given it a year if they’d married.  Eighteen months, tops.” “Maybe,” I say uncommittedly.  I don’t know if I agree.  What I do know is that Peeta would have given it everything he had to make it work.  And if a mutual love of swimming pools and dining out at restaurants is a good foundation for a marriage, then they had it.  They both wanted kids too and that’s something I can’t promise him.  Peeta would be a wonderful father. If anyone is to be a parent, anyone can see it should be Peeta.   “So, is it serious between you and Marcus? Because you might have a shot with Peeta now,” says Johanna. “No!” I burst out, and Johanna’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise at the ferocity of my response.  “I don’t have any chance with Peeta, none at all, so you can give that game up right now.  He knows how I feel about him.  He guessed from something Haymitch told him and he’s been avoiding me since.  And I’m tired, Jo.  Tired of getting my hopes up and then having them dashed.  I’ve spent the past year trying to remind him what we were to each other, and failed.  But the simple truth is that, if he loved me, he wouldn’t have got with Lace in the first place. I’m not . . . I just don’t want to go there anymore.  I’ve had enough. ” “Wow! That was extreme,” Johanna says, shooting me an incredulous look.  “I thought the mission was to help Peeta find himself.  Which would also include regaining his attraction to you.  I assume then that you’ve given up?” “Not given up.  Faced reality.” I say.

“Humph!” snorts Johanna, unconvinced.  “Well, it’s your call but before I let it go for good, I want to tell you a theory I’ve been working on.  Just don’t say anything until I’ve finished.” “Alright, go ahead,” I say wearily, scrubbing at my forehead.  Johanna will do what she wants to anyway. “Well,” she starts, with the air of someone telling a story to a small child, “it involves this man – let’s call him Peeta – who had his mind shattered into a million pieces by an evil troll – we’ll call him Snow – and when his mind was put back together again, some of the pieces were in the wrong place.  And his love for his teenage crush – Katniss, we’ll call her – had gone AWOL and had been replaced with a conviction that she had never loved him, and never could.  And then along comes this other woman – known as Lace, although it’s not her real name – and even though she’s a giggling idiot, she knows how to pander to his ego - which is in the toilet, by the way - with lavish displays of admiration and affection.   “But then one day, he wakes up, and realizes that what he loved about Lace, was really his own needs reflected back at him. And also that she was a lying deceitful bitch.  At the same time, he’s come to realise that it’s Katniss he really loves, but he thinks that not only has he ruined any chance he might have had with her by being with Lace, she’s now with another man, who not only likes the things she likes, but has two legs, no burn scars and isn’t a mental mess.  So, to be fair to Lace, he breaks it off with her, and to be fair to Katniss, he leaves her alone to live her life.  But then, the whole situation becomes too much for him and it brings on flashbacks, one after another, in rapid succession.  It’s fortunate that a loyal, resourceful, amazingly intelligent friend is there to give aid.  She then tries to talk sense into Katniss, which, as usual, is a waste of time.  But she tries anyway, hopeful that one day, something might get through to that brainless head of hers.” “That last part was completely unnecessary,” I say.  There’s no gain in rising to Johanna’s barbs, any more than there is to Max’s teasing. They really are alike.  Maybe that’s why they fight.   As for her theory, it does have some plausibility, but it’s still mostly wild speculation. “Is there something you know that I don’t?” I ask.  “Or did you make that up?” Johanna shrugs.  “I made it up.  But you have to admit it makes sense.” I roll my eyes at her.  “For you, maybe.” We sit in silence for a few moments until Johanna slaps her thighs and gets to her feet.   “I should get going now, just in case.  I don’t want him waking up to an empty house.  Oh, and Katniss, if you’re going to fuck Marcus, you should do something about birth control.  Sex has consequences, you know.” “Yes, I do know that.  My mother is a healer, if you recall.  I know how to take care of myself.”  What I don’t tell her is that in 13, all female military recruits were given five-year contraceptive implants before they were sent into action.  Johanna wouldn’t know this because she failed the final test having succumbed to her phobia of water, a consequence of her torture in the Capitol. Something I’m sure Johanna wouldn’t like to be reminded of.   Before she leaves, she says, “I’ll keep you posted, and I think you should visit once things settle down a bit.  He needs to know he’s not alone.” I nod because it’s easier than arguing.   I’m pretty sure that Peeta won’t want to see me.  It might even bring on another flashback.   I watch Johanna walk over to Peeta’s house and close the door behind her.  And then I open the door of my own house to where Marcus is waiting.  He’s set out a platter of cheeses, pickles, carrot sticks, crackers and fruit.  And some kind of spread that he made from a can of chickpeas he found in the pantry. There’s also a plate of Peeta’s cookies and a pot of tea.   “Peeta again?” asks Marcus.  He pours out two mugs of tea and sets one in front of me. “How did you guess?”  I hope we weren’t speaking so loudly that it could heard from inside the house.  The dining table is not far from a window. My face reddens at the thought, especially since there was talk about Marcus and fucking.   “Because whenever you and Johanna have one of your private talks out there on the porch, it’s about him.  I hope everything’s alright.” He makes a plate of food for himself while he’s speaking, his expression unreadable.  I get the impression that he’s well and truly over Peeta Mellark.   I come straight out with it.  Word is going to get out anyway.   “Peeta and Lace have split up. The wedding’s off. Peeta is . . .” I pause here.  I don’t want to give too much of Peeta’s mental state away.  People, Marcus included, already think he’s unstable.  “Peeta’s very upset about it,” I end up saying. His hands still for a moment, poised as he cuts a slice of cheese to add to his plate.   “That’s . . . unfortunate.  I suppose it had something to do with the incident at the pub last week?” “I’m not sure.  Probably.”  I don’t really know, but Johanna said something about both of them lying, so I think it’s safe to assume.  “Johanna wasn’t very clear about it.” I take a cracker from the platter and nibble on it.  My appetite seems to have dried up for some inexplicable reason.   Something is wrong, and I don’t know what it is.  The air almost crackles with it.   “How do you feel about it?” he asks, eyes intent on mine. I don’t answer immediately, unsure of the motive behind his question.  Is he asking my opinion on the break-up – whether I think it was good thing, or a bad thing?  Or is he asking how it’s affected me emotionally?  I decide the first option is the safer of the two.

“It’s sad.  They seemed very compatible.  But I guess if you don’t have trust in a marriage, then it’s unlikely to work in the long run, so perhaps it’s for the best.”  I shrug my shoulders slightly to simulate indifference and sip my tea. “It’s hard for me to comment exactly, without knowing the details,” I add. “The devil’s in the details,” he says, almost distractedly. “But you’re right about trust.  No relationship can be successful without it.”   And then he returns to his food, and nothing more is said about it.  But something’s not quite right.  The only thing I can attribute it to is the news of Peeta and Lace’s cancelled wedding. Perhaps he thinks our relationship is at risk now, when nothing could be further from the truth.  There’s no chance that Peeta and I will get back together. Lace out of the picture won’t change that.   Later that night, after a quick shower, I pull from my closet a filmy negligee the colour of apricots.  It was part of the wardrobe Cinna designed for my wedding to Peeta.   I never got the chance to wear it, nor the matching nightgown, so light that it’s almost transparent.  I trail the gauzy fabric through my fingers, noting how fragile it is.  It would be so easy to rip from neckline to hem, that it makes me wonder if that’s its intended purpose.  My mind can’t help but imagine how Peeta would have reacted to seeing me in it.  Or how he would react if I showed up at his house right now, with only this sheer, flimsy garment to cover my naked body.  Probably it would send him into a flashback that he’d never come back from. I take a critical look at myself in the full-length mirror.  The soft orange complements my olive skin and my hair, freed from its braid, ripples down my back in silky waves.  My body is slender and small breasted, but still feminine, the waist curved and the hips rounded.  My nipples stand out in hard peaks against the gossamer thin fabric and the dark triangle of my pubic hair is clearly visible.  I turn my back to peer over my shoulder.  My best asset, my “derriere”, as Effie would call it, is high and round.  The burn scars, most prevalent on my back, are barely noticeable now, thanks to the skin treatments, except for a few spots where the skin looks slightly melted.   Not too bad, Everdeen.  Not too bad at all.   My feet are silent on the carpeted floor to the guest room.  I rap lightly on the door and he tells me to come in.    He’s toweling himself dry but he stops the instant he lays eyes on me.  And when the towel drops to the floor, forgotten, I see that I’ve achieved the exact response I was hoping for. The love-making this night is wild and uninhibited.  It dawns on me that Marcus had been holding back, perhaps in deference to my virgin status, but now that’s abandoned.  My theory about the nightgown proves correct.  Marcus rips it right down the middle and then slips it off my shoulders in one movement, taking the robe with it.    I didn’t know that humans could make love like animals, with the male thrusting from behind. I’d always assumed it was face to face like the illustration in the tattered text book we were provided with in the meagre sex education classes at school.  But I love it, so animalistic and exciting, the way he pounds into me, his hands holding my hips firmly in place.  The way I can’t help but arch my back to welcome him in with every thrust.   But after our passion is spent, my thoughts return again to Peeta.  How he’s feeling, how helpless I am to help.    I try hard to recreate the magic of the concrete house by the lake, where I could lie in Marcus’s arms, warm and snug and drift into a dreamless sleep.  Because I know instinctively, that the nightmares will return tonight, as bad as ever.  If only Peeta had never come back to 12.  He would have got the treatment he still desperately needed if he had stayed in the Capitol.  He wouldn’t have met Lace, and she him.  And as for me, I was resigned to the fact that I had lost him and I know now that I would have recovered from my depression eventually.   His return simply sparked a false hope that I’ve been battling ever since. So here I lie, in the arms of a man who is as close to perfect as you can get, and my head is full of Peeta Mellark.

[shijiujun]

[ENG] History3: Trapped Novel - Chapter Two

~6,500 words (proofread by @weilongfu​)

Translation Masterpost can be found here

Disclaimer: Translations are entirely mine - these are not official translations and some phrases have been changed for better English interpretation so you’ll definitely see better/different translations elsewhere. Also keeping in mind when we translated this we aren’t exactly thinking about the style of writing and this translation is as close to the novel as we can make it XD So yes, some parts may be a little awkward to read. And yes some teeny weeny details and words may not turn up in the translation because the Chi to Eng mind acrobatics didn’t work out. If you see asterisks, scroll all the way to the bottom for notes!

Full chapter below the cut

Chapter Two

The sound of a gun’s silencer echoes from inside a black sedan, and both Wang Kun Cheng and his driver are found dead inside with bullet wounds through their right temple, just hours after their meeting with Xing Tian Meng.

Time of death, 9pm.

Meng Shao Fei lies on his bed, thinking back to the meeting with Interpol during the day, where Team 3 and Interpol exchanged information on this case. Although Wang Kun Cheng’s men insist that the person who murdered their leader was Tang Yi, but as seen from Team 3 and Interpol’s investigation, there were no signs of struggle and fights inside the club where both parties met, and   moreover, Tang Yi has a perfect alibi.

As Wang Kun Cheng was shot at close range after he left the club, it is impossible that Tang Yi, who was at another location attending an evening gala dinner — they have CCTV footage to prove that he entered the hotel at 8.30pm and left only at 1am in the morning —  was the culprit for the murder. They aren’t ruling out the possibility of a third party committing the murder at Tang Yi’s orders, but the surveillance cameras in the area were tampered with and damaged before the murder happened, so before they can find further evidence and witnesses, Tang Yi is definitely not the culprit. However, he is curious about one thing… in the 48 hours after news of Wang Kun Cheng’s death was made known, Cambodia’s drug syndicate’s leader Chen Wen Hao immediately returned to Taiwan. Both Chen Wen Hao and Wang Kun Cheng used to be members of Xing Tian Meng, especially Chen Wen Hao. Xing Tian Meng is able to grow to its scale today because it was he and Tang Guo Dong who built the organisation up from scratch.

Even after Chen Wen Hao was sentenced to prison for 24 years due to the skirmish with Si He Hui, but during this time, the person who visited him most frequently was Tang Guo Dong. From this, it is obvious that they were very close to each other and had a deep relationship. If this was so, what reason would Tang Yi, who took over Xing Tian Meng in Tang Guo Dong’s place, have to go create trouble with Chen Wen Hao’s men, and even going so far as to kill the man?

Unable to sleep no matter what he does, Shao Fei finds himself leaving the bed and walking over to his bulletin board, filled entirely with profiles of people and information related to Xing Tian Meng. Staring at the drawing he made, he mumbles, “Four years ago…”

Four years ago, Chen Wen Hao immediately fled for Southeast Asia the moment he was released from prison, and his whereabouts have been unknown ever since until now with his return to Taiwan. Four years ago, Tang Guo Dong and Li Zhen both died on that hill, and no one knew why they met in secret, and there were so many rumors about Li Zhen illegally colluding with the mob. Four years ago, Tang Yi was shot at the scene and managed to live after many attempts at trying to resuscitate him. He became the only survivor of the incident, the only witness who possibly knows what happened on that day.

Meng Shao Fei looks at Tang Yi’s portrait sketch again, and asks it, as if he’s speaking directly to Tang Yi himself, “Aren’t you going clean with the mob? Aren’t you staying away from drugs? And didn’t you say you would never kill a person? Why are you giving up on your principles NOW? Why did you go touch Chen Wen Hao’s people?”

Shao Fei cannot think of any possible answer, and scratches at his head in frustration, pacing back and forth in his apartment.

The Tang Household

Standing at the balcony and looking into the night view in the distance, in Tang Yi’s hand lies a black, metallic lighter. He recalls what Boss Tang said to him eight years ago…

“Drizzle olive oil in the wok and circle it for two rounds? Can we do three rounds?”

At that time, Tang Yi had just turned 20 years old, and the thing he liked to do most was to bother Boss Tang in his space when he could, asking him to pass his cooking skills on to him.

“That’s fine too. The point is you have to make sure the entire wok gets the same amount of heat, that’s why we circle it,” Tang Guo Dong stands next to the stove, an apron tied around his own waist and guides Tang Yi to pay more attention to cooking as he smokes.

People always say that the lines on one’s foreheads represent the passing of time and age, as it catches up with you, and with every horizontal line therein lies a story that belongs to it, but in Tang Yi’s eyes, every mark on Boss Tang’s face is the culmination of both wisdom and duty. No matter how severe the problem is, once it lands in Boss Tang’s hands, the problem can be solved easily, just like no matter how complicated the cooking and recipes are, he is always able to handle it, all the while smoking at the same time.

In comparison Tang Yi is impatient in both his personality and cooking and thus, he deeply respects this man who is both like a father and teacher to him. He wonders if there ever will be a day, where he’s able to catch up to Boss Tang and this 30 year age gap, and from Boss Tang’s mouth hear-

I feel at ease leaving everything to you.

“Don’t smoke when you’re cooking,” Tang Yi says, immediately dropping the garlic and bell peppers he’s holding and snatches the cigarette pressed between Boss Tang’s lips.

The man whose cigarette was snatched away smiles a little helplessly, then crosses his arms and continues guiding Tang Yi, “After you put in the noodles, you need to stir it in the wok, otherwise it’ll stick to the base.”

Tang Yi looks at the food cooking in his wok and says, delighted, “It looks just like yours!”

“We’ll have to try the dish to know.”

Tang Yi tastes a spoonful of the food from the wok, frowns, then picks up the spicy sauce next to him and adds another half a spoon in, “Not spicy enough.”

Tang Guo Dong, who tried the dish at the same time, is frowning on the other hand, because of the spiciness he is tasting in his mouth. “Xiao Tang, you’re eating this so spicy?”

“Strange, why is it that no matter how I cook I just cook it the same way you do?”

“To govern a country is like cooking, have you ever heard of this?”

“No.

Tang Guo Dong smiles, then opens his mouth to explain, “All these years from handling and dealing with the gang’s every single matter no matter how big or small, I felt that, when we do things, we cannot be overly impulsive and rush into things, nor can we be complacent and passive. we have to think through each detail carefully in order to do things well. Take cooking for example, every brother is like an ingredient, you need to understand each ingredient’s taste to be able to put it in a dish, and then the taste of the finished dish will be the best.”

Tang Yi is intrigued by this analogy, and also curious about how Boss Tang sees him, he asks, “So which ingredient am I?”

“Lotus root.”

“Lotus root? Why a lotus root?”

“Did you forget the first time we met, how much dirt you had all over your body? Isn’t it just like the lotus root that’s just been harvested and pulled out from the soil?”

“Oh, so you detested me this much actually,” Tang Yi says, sulking as he brings the wok over to the person who’s plating dishes at his side.

The person most important to him just called him a dirty little runt, how could anyone be happy?

Tang Guo Dong laughs and takes out his cigarette box again. “Hey, Xiao Tang, you were born into unfortunate circumstances and grew up in a terrible environment, you managed to keep your spirit and character pure. I hope you never forget this, and that you don’t ever change.”

At this, Tang Yi returns Tang Guo Dong’s smile and replies, “I got it, Lao Tang. I will keep being like this.”

As long as Tang Guo Dong likes him like this, then Tang Yi will become the person that he likes, because to him, there’s no one else in the world who’s more important to him, more important than Tang Guo Dong.

“Actually, there’s another reason in persevering in cooking,” Tang Guo Dong adds somberly, taking off his apron and walking over to Tang Yi’s side, opening a wine bottle and pouring a glass for himself.

“What is it?”

“People like us who face death every day and are used to it, we don’t even know when we’ll die and go to meet our makers. If we can’t even deal with the basic necessity and function of eating in our lives, then what more fun in our lives can we have? So we have to be serious towards every meal, and that means also that we have to live our lives seriously.

“I understand. So when I’m done learning cooking from you, I’ll let you taste my cooking.”

“Done learning? You little shit, you only just learnt this little bit and you want to represent the Tang family and con people outside already?”

“I have confidence that I don’t need too much time to learn your ways.”

Tang Guo Dong puts up his thumb and praises, “Okay, you’ve got ambition. But if you want to take the wok and metals away from me, it’s not that easy!”

“I won’t disappoint you… although-“ Tang Yi looks at the failed finished product in the wok today, and laughs, “It looks like we still have to eat this not so delicious dish, let’s hope when we are done we won’t need a trip to emergency.”

Watching Tang Yi’s back as he picks up the plate and walk towards the dining room, Tang Guo Dong, who’s lived more than half a century, stops smiling, and in his heart, he makes a decision.

At a Japanese restaurant

The various members of Team 3 are gathered at a restaurant undercover as guests and wait staff for the ongoing investigation on Wang Kun Cheng’s death. They are currently surveilling a particular guest, who’s discussing business with another person.

Suddenly, a tall figure walks into the store, and once Shao Fei, who’s seated right at the entrance of the restaurant sees him, he stands up and brings the other person to a corner in the restaurant.

“Why are you here?”

Walking into the restaurant and stunned at seeing Shao Fei, Tang Yi abandons his original intentions for coming here and turns to leave.

“Since the police are investigating a case, I will not disturb.”

On the other side of the restaurant, Zhao Li An, who’s dressed as a waiter, is just about to run over to stop Shao Fei, but Zhou Guan Zhi stops him by holding onto his arm. He eyes Zhao Zi, indicating that they should continue as planned, or they will risk ruining the mission this time.

Shao Fei grabs onto Tang Yi’s elbow, staring right into his eyes and asks, “Since you’re already here, you might as well assist us on our investigation. Do you know a person called ‘Chen Wen Hao’?”

Tang Yi’s expression suddenly becomes stiff, and this does not go unnoticed by the cop who’s been hounding him for the past four years.

“Looks like we have the same goal, we’re here for the same person,” Shao Fei continues, his eyebrows raised.

“So you killed Wang Kun Cheng just to lure Chen Wen Hao back here. And for you, Xing Tian Meng’s leader who’s also trying to wash everything clean at the moment, to care so much about a Cambodian drug syndicate leader, there can only be two reasons. Firstly, you’ve made him come back because this was Tang Guo Dong’s mission for you.Or two, Chen Wen Hao has something to do with the double homicide from four years ago.”

Shao Fei’s guesses are so close to the truth, that in that moment, Tang Yi’s repressed rage emerges again — these four years, he has wanted to kill this person who’s only ever ruined all his plans countless of times, but countless of times, Tang Yi has also had to end his murderous thoughts towards this police officer.

Such action is out of character for Tang Yi — if Hong Ye and Ah De are unable to comprehend why he’s doing this, Tang Yi himself has no idea either.

“Have I hit the nail on the head, is that why you want to run?”

“I have nothing to say to Officer Meng,” Tang Yi snaps, gritting his teeth and turning away to leave the store.

He follows the stairs outside the restaurant to where he parked his car. His tone filled with anger, Shao Fei who’s only ever seen Tang Yi’s two sarcastic and cold expressions, is momentarily stunned. He breaks out of his trance, then rushes out of the restaurant to chase Tang Yi, his hand pressing against Tang Yi’s chest and stopping him from moving forward, his eyes incredibly sharp.

“I’m getting closer to the truth, correct?”

If he isn’t getting closer to the truth, why would Xing Tian Meng’s poker-faced leader make the effort of snapping at him?

“Officer Meng has his own mission that he’s not carrying out, and instead he’s here to obstruct my freedom again?”

“If my hypothesis is correct, then following you is the only way I can find out the truth.”

Tang Yi pushes Shao Fei’s hand away and walks over to the driver’s side to open the door, but Shao Fei grabs onto his wrist instead, slamming shut the door that’s just been opened.

“I’m asking you to leave, did you not hear me? These four years my tolerance towards you has reached a tipping point. Meng. Shao. Fei! Don’t test my patience!”

He pushes Shao Fei away, hard, and settles in the driver’s seat, shutting the door behind him securely. Unexpectedly, Shao Fei circles the car to the passenger side and unceremoniously sits inside the car, holding onto the brake.

“Tang Yi, if I don’t get my answers today I’m not letting you leave!”

Tang Yi points outside and shouts, “I’m warning you for the last time, get out of my car.”

“Hmph!”

Shao Fei turns to grab for the seatbelt, obviously having no intention to leave.

“You!”

Angrily, Tang Yi swings his right fist out to restrain both of Shao Fei’s hands, reaching to his back and grabbing the young police officer’s gun, that Tang Yi knows he has usually stuffed into the back of his waist, then pressing the muzzle of the gun to Shao Fei’s temple.

Just as Tang Yi is about to throw Shao Fei out of the car, the driver’s seat door is flung open from the outside, and reflex has Tang Yi moving the hand holding onto the gun towards the person outside, but his opponent quickly strikes at his hand, the gun falling to the ground.

Losing his most useful weapon hardly means that he has no other way to defend himself. He rushes out of the car with tight fists and immediately starts to land repeated blows on his attacker, who’s clad in a black suit. Shao Fei on the other hand is also facing a similar attack by a person wearing a black baseball cap and fighting him intensely.

Eventually, both Tang Yi and Shao Fei are forced into a corner by their attackers, pressed back to back. Unconsciously, they leave their vulnerable backs to one another, exchange a glance and then simultaneously attack. Punches and kicks going against the two men with retractable batons and knives, they are soon overpowered by the weapons.

“Boss wants you to meet him,” says the man attacking Tang Yi, pushing him to the floor and pressing a knife at his jugular.

===

As the black van follows along the left and right curves of the mountainous road, the occupants of the vehicle find themselves swaying from left to right as well.

“I can’t believe I’m handcuffed by my own handcuffs.”

Tang Yi side-eyes the man next to him, and scoffs, “It’s not like this is the first time.”

“Hey do you have to speak like this? If you didn’t take away my gun, would we be in this situation?” Shao Fei retorts, holding up his right hand that is currently attached to Tang Yi’s.

“Shut up!” warns the man seated in the third row of the car, one hand holding up a knife.

Tang Yi turns around to look at the man in black seated right behind them, and says, “Kidnapping a police officer is going to get troublesome for you guys.”

The man ignores Tang Yi; instead, it is the man seated in front driving the van that shoots both hostages a look through the rearview mirror, and smiles icily, “You should worry about yourself first!”

Their hands handcuffed together, Tang Yi taps Shao Fei’s pinky finger with his own, and once their gazes meet, Tang Yi gestures at Shao Fei. Shao Fei nods in understanding, then in an irritated tone, laments, “Why is it that when you guys do bad things you always run towards the mountains? It’s not that I want to comment, but this method lacks so much creativity that it really isn’t OK-“

Shao Fei yells immediately, after ensuring that Tang Yi’s right hand is creeping towards the handbrake of the van, “NOW!”

Bam!

Tang Yi kicks at the driver’s right arm, sending the man forward against the steering wheel, and at the same time Shao Fei leans forward to pull the handbrake up. The van strikes against the walls of the mountain and the impact stops the van immediately. Before the driver can react, Shao Fei has already moved into the passenger seat and with a kick, knocks the driver out.

He sees Tang Yi getting punched in the face by the other guy in the back, and Tang Yi, with his hand movement restricted, can barely defend himself against the attack. Seeing that the other guy is rushing towards Tang Yi with a knife in his hands, Shao Fei moves back to his seat and stands between Tang Yi and his attacker, getting a slash across his arm for his trouble. Then, they use the handcuff chains between them to trap their attacker’s wrists, and Tang Yi strikes the knife in his hands to the ground.

In the chaos, Tang Yi sees Shao Fei’s wound on his right arm, bleeding profusely.

And right in that moment, Tang Yi loses all composure and logic that he is so proud of. He swings his fist repeatedly at his attacker, and doesn’t stop even when his face is all bloodied from the impact of his punches.

“We have to go!”

Shao Fei is afraid that Tang Yi will just kill the man, so he opens the door and pulls Tang Yi, who has lost all control, out of the car. They give up on moving along the visible and easily trackable roads and instead choose to head inside the dense forest to escape.

In between the trees, four other men — their attackers’ accomplices who were travelling behind them in another van — split up to look through every nook and cranny of the forest.

“Damn it, they can really hide huh?”

“Did you find them on your side?”

“No.”

“You, and you, go that side and look.”

“Yes.”

They continue their search for an hour to no avail, and they do not realise that the Xing Tian Meng leader they’re trying to find is actually hiding behind a big rock, covered in green moss.

Tang Yi is using his entire body to protect and shield Shao Fei, until the noise grows faint and more distant from their hiding spot, only then does Tang Yi heave a sigh of relief. He turns around and crouches low to the ground, using the rock as a backrest.

Maybe it’s because fleeing for their lives is an intense sport, or maybe it’s because the both of them were suddenly so close to each other earlier, so close that Shao Fei can even catch a hint of Tang Yi’s cologne, Shao Fei feels his face heating up strangely. All he can do is raise their hands up, still cuffed to each other, to distract himself.

“If only we didn’t have this.”

“Who brought it here?”

Having just experienced a life or death situation, Tang Yi’s tone as he speaks to Shao Fei has changed somewhat from before. From being ice cold and distant, Tang Yi is now talking as if he would make fun of a friend.

Unable to retort, Shao Fei rolls his eyes instead, but in the next second see Tang Yi using his right hand to pinch at this left thumb, and just as he’s about to ask, he hears the sound of a bone being dislocated.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

With his left thumb dislocated successfully, Tang Yi’s hand leaves the restraints of the handcuffs, and then easily snaps his dislocated thumb back into its original place. Shao Fei can feel how painful that action just was just by looking, but Tang Yi just did it with barely a sound and a frown.

“This can also work?”

Shao Fei, with wide eyes, watches as Tang Yi just walks off with a shake of his hands, then follows the man to hopefully somewhere more suitable to hide at, a hand covering his own wound.

===

Ding dong ding dong!

“Ah Fei!!! Ah Fei are you inside?” Zhao Zi stands outside Shao Fei’s apartment door, one hand pressing at the doorbell and the other dialling Shao Fei’s number, but all he gets is Shao Fei’s voice message.

“This is Meng Shao Fei, if there’s anything urgent, please leave a message.”

“Ah Fei if you don’t pick up the phone, Boss is really going to throw me out!”

Zhao Zi’s pitiful complaint echoes down the empty stairway. After half an hour of no reply, all he can do is give up. He walks down the stairs, worried.

“I’m at the alley near Ah Fei’s house. He’s not at home and I can’t get through to him on his phone. Oh, okay. We’ll keep in touch. I’ll contact you guys after I find him. Okay, bye.”

Hanging up on the call with his team’s colleagues, Zhao Zi recalls how Boss always scolds him for not using his brains, and at the spur of the moment, he leaves his phone in his jacket’s pocket and pulls up the zip, then does a handstand and begins walking on the ground on his hands.

He giggles. He’s actually still pretty smart, as long as he make all the blood rush into the top of his head, and when that happens, his brain will begin to work at a higher capacity. Maybe he’ll be able to find a way to find Shao Fei like this even! Just as Zhao Zi smiles gleefully to himself, a pair of cool blue leather shoes step into his line of vision, and as his eyes follow along those long legs all the way up to see who this person is, he sees the man who he brought to the station previously. Tang Yi’s bodyguard, the man called Jack.

“Are you looking for me?”

Zhao Zi puts both his legs down and dusts his hands off, but Jack grabs him by the back of his shirt collar around his neck, and picks him up. “Let’s go!”

“Huh? What are you doing? Where are you bringing me to?”

Like a rabbit whose neck was just bitten by a wolf in the wild, Zhao Zi follows the man called Jack helpless, leaving the alley at Shao Fei’s house.

“What are you catching me for?” asks Zhao Zi later.

He doesn’t know when he was struck unconscious. All he knows is that when he woke up earlier, he found himself incarcerated in a dark room. In the room sits only a single lamp and the big bad wolf who caught him, and brought him here.

“Where did Meng Shao Fei bring my boss?”

Zhao Zi opens his mouth wide, surprised, and asks, “Ah Fei is really with Tang Yi then?”

“Are you pretending to be stupid?”

Jack, with a whole head of red hair, glares at the rookie police officer, his eyes tinged with a glint of danger and sharpness. Jack doesn’t know what tricks Zhao Zi is playing here, but he takes out his phone, and plays the surveillance footage from the camera at the Japanese restaurant’s entrance for Zhao Zi to see.

“They’re really together! I’m looking for Ah Fei urgently, do you know where they went?” He sighs. “Forget it. You definitely don’t know either, otherwise you wouldn’t have brought me here… Damn it, if we don’t find Ah Fei soon, it’ll be my turn to write 3000 words in my apology letter,” Zhao mumbles, standing up from the chair.

“Call him!” Jack commands, taking out his phone and presenting it to his ‘hostage’.

“I tried, but his phone is switched off.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I said, if I can’t get through to him, I really can’t get through to him.”

Jack holds onto his own phone, and coldly says, “Then give me his number, I’ll call.”

“I’m not going to give it to you! I’m a police officer and at the very least I need to ensure that my colleague is protected and safe, so I won’t give you Ah Fei’s number. I absolutely will not!”

Intrigued suddenly by this fearless boy, Jack circles around Zhao Zi, then stares at him head on, unnervingly.

“Even if you glare at me I won’t.”

Jack takes a step forward, approaching the boy who’s hugging his knees and curling into a ball on the couch.

“Even if you beat me to death I won’t.”

Bam!

Wrapped in fingerless leather gloves, that fist suddenly slams against the back of the couch, and the sound of something being hit echoes in the room.

“No matter what you do, I won’t!”

Zhao Zi is so afraid that he’s already covering his own ears, his entire body shaking in fear, and yet he still refuses Jack in a clear, loud voice.

Jack’s lips curve in a smile. He turns around and walks out of the dark room, and locks the door from the outside.

“Hey! Open the door! Open the door!! Don’t leave me here alone! Hey!” shouts the rookie cop at the top of his lungs as he strikes at the door, the rookie cop who’s not afraid of threats but is apparently, afraid of the dark.

On the mountains, in an abandoned structure

In order to hide from either Wang Kun Cheng or Chen Wen Hao’s men, both Tang Yi and Shao Fei chose to take temporary refuge at this abandoned house first. They started a fire earlier with the wood that Tang Yi found to keep warm, and it is the only source of light in the dark place.

“Can you really not help me open this?” Shao Fei asks, shaking the handcuff still attached to his right wrist.

Tang Yi sends Shao Fei a look, then stresses, “It will hurt!”

“Please, I, Meng Shao Fei, have survived even bullet wounds, will I be scared of this pain?”

Carelessly, Shao Fei reaches his hand over, but the moment Tang Yi grabs onto his thumb and starts to twist it, Shao Fei begins to yell out in pain, “It hurts! It seriously hurts!!”

“I thought you aren’t afraid of pain?”

“Stop twisting it!! Okay okay, I’ll just keep on wearing it then!” Shao Fei implores, his face entirely pale as he hits at Tang Yi’s arm to let him go.

Tang Yi smiles knowingly, as if expecting this outcome all along, and returns to his position by the fire. At this, Shao Fei steals glances at Tang Yi with astonishment, and mumbles, “Fuck. How can this not hurt? Does that guy have any pain nerves in the first place?”

Leaning against the wall, Tang Yi watches as Shao Fei picks up the unused wood and head towards the inside of the house, and he asks, “What are you doing?”

“The weather is so cold, I’m going to start a fire inside and at night we’ll sleep in there.”

“I’m going to take the first watch,” refuses Tang Yi.

It’s as if his rejection just erected a tall and cold wall between them both, but Shao Fei is already used to the way Tang Yi is, so he merely shrugs. He picks up the lighter sitting next to the wood, and says, “Up to you. If you’re not afraid of the cold you can sleep here by yourself, I’m going inside, and lend me this-“

“Don’t touch that!”

Suddenly, Tang Yi who was just a few seconds ago sitting next to the fire, snatches the lighter back from Shao Fei’s hands.

“Why are you so fierce? If you don’t give me the lighter how am I going to start a fire?”

Tang Yi does not reply, only picking up glowing branch from the fire and passing it to Shao Fei. He listens as Shao Fei’s mumbles return to where he was earlier, and as he looks at the lighter sitting in his palm, Tang Yi recalls…

Four years ago

“Here.”

After lighting a cigarette, Tang Guo Dong passes the lighter in his hand to the young man standing next to him.

“Why?”

“I thought you liked it?”

“No work, no reward,” Tang Yi places the lighter back in Tang Guo Dong’s hand, and seriously looks at the man. “What do you want me to help you with?”

Tang Guo Dong is stunned for a moment, and then he laughs, “”Xiao Tang, it’s really so hard to lie to you! I think you, too, know the answer to this question. Help to dismantle Xing Tian Meng, and start to move everything into legal businesses.”

“Aren’t you already doing that?”

“I need someone to continue doing it for me.”

Tang Yi frowns, and once again snatches the cigarette away from Tang Guo Dong’s mouth. “Don’t say that as if you’re going to die soon.”

“When you’re in this line of business, you must always be prepared for death.”

Tang Guo Dong exhales, then opens his left hand where the lighter rests in his palm. He asks, “So what is it? Do you dare take it?”

“Hmph. You failed at your request, so you’ve switched to challenging me instead?”

Tang Guo Dong laughs, taking the cigarette back from Tang Yi, and replies, “You’ll accept it, because you hate drugs more than anyone else. But to make sure you take care of everyone, you need to have money, that’s why no gang in the world will stay away from drugs. Since we’ve decided to call a halt to it, we must be prepared.”

“The person you’re meeting tomorrow… is there a problem?”

“No.. it’s just,” Tang Guo Dong shakes his head, then reaches out with his left arm and hooks it around Tang Yi, “Just treat it as a back up plan. Please. If one day I’m not here anymore, you have to continue with the work of washing Xing Tian Meng clean.”

Hesitantly, Tang Yi looks at Tang Guo Dong who’s speaking with so much emotion. Tang Guo Dong, who is both his father and teacher.

“Xiao Tang! Humans are really too weak, we’re always looking for excuses so we can escape, finding excuses so we can make mistakes, and even blaming our failures on fate, but we forget that for every decision and action we make, we have to pay its price. After all, the money we made from drugs is dirty money, and even if we survived long enough to earn the money, we wouldn’t get to spend it. I don’t want our brothers to live a life standing at the edge of death. I’m not afraid to be laughed at, but it took me a few decades to realise that the best life is one where we live normally.”

“What’s good about a normal life? We’ll only get bullied.”

Just like that year’s 12-year old Tang Yi and 10-year old Hong Ye, two children stranded on the streets, homeless — that was normal enough a life, was it not? But ‘normal’ didn’t feed them, and it would only ensure that they get bullied by children older than they, and if they didn’t meet Tang Guo Dong then, they probably wouldn’t have made it to adulthood. They definitely would not be like this now, having experienced the happiness of being doted on by someone.

Tang Guo Dong turns around, leaning against the railings behind him and thinks about the past. “Maybe the you right now won’t be able to understand, but some people, because of me, were robbed of the ‘normal life’ he should have had. I owe him too much, and in this life, I am unable to make amends.”

“Who? A woman?” Tang Yi asks curiously, looking at the man who, with every sentence, is becoming even more serious.

However, Tang Guo Dong has no intentions of answering that question, and instead just smiles. “One day there’ll be a certain someone who will make you understand what it means to lead a normal life, and what a beautiful feeling it is, to be able to lead this life. So, do you accept?”

The lighter is once against thrust under his nose, and this time, as Tang Yi looks at the wisps of white smoke in the air, he promises, “I promise you. If you’re not around anymore, I will still make sure Xing Tian Meng is washed clean, even if I die-“

“Hey hey hey! You’ve only got one life, don’t waste it.”

Tang Guo Dong tries to stop Tang Yi from saying such inauspicious words, but the 24-year old merely looks into the sky and repeats what the man just told him, “When you’re in this line of business, you must always be prepared for death.”

“You!”

Lines pulling at the edges of his mouth as he smiles, Tang Guo Dong looks at Tang Yi, doting.

“Lao Tang.”

“Hmm?”

Tang Guo Dong throws the butt of his cigarette on the ground and steps on it, then proceeds to light up a second stick.

“I want to ask you a question.”

“Nnn!”

“Why did you pick me? Xing Tian Meng has so many other uncles, and brothers, no? Even if you wanted to find someone younger, there’s still-“

“It can only be you.”

“Why?”

“Because only if I hand it over to you will I be at ease.”

Tears quickly fill his eyes and his vision blurs. Tang Yi looks away, because finally, he’s hearing the words he wanted to hear most.

I’ll be at ease, handing everything over to you.

On the mountains, in an abandoned structure

Tang Yi returns back to the present from his thoughts, only to see that Shao Fei is already lying on the wooden boards, prepared to sleep.

“I really envy you, you can sleep anywhere.”

Lying on the boards, Shao Fei covers his own body with his olive green jacket, as he removed the jacket earlier to treat his own wound, and says, “As human beings we need to be adaptable and take whatever comes, a young, rich master like you who can’t sleep without a bed will never understand.”

“Do you know how to train, to escape?”

Shao Fei looks at Tang Yi at his sudden, seemingly irrelevant question, not understanding why he’s bringing this up at all.

“You have to train when you’re young. First, you twist the thumb inwards. Wait for the bone to grow again and then twist it broken again. Grow, then break. You practice it repeatedly until you’re able to do it. I ask you, which rich master from any family grows up like that?”

Shao Fei looks at this man, who now seems so different from the man he imagined in his head, and asks, “Who forced you to?”

“No one forced me to, I wanted to do it myself. Being part of any gang… we are closer to death, and when you want to survive, you’ll force yourself to do a lot of things.”

“So it’s not that you can’t sleep… but you don’t dare to sleep?”

So when Tang Yi said that he would keep watch earlier, it wasn’t because he was distancing himself, or putting a wall back up in between the both of them, but because the man before his eyes doesn’t feel that he has a person he can truly rely on and trust.

At this sudden display of sensitivity from the usually impulsive and fiery character that is Shao Fei, Tang Yi is speechless. He then laughs wistfully, walking to where there should have been windows installed in this entire building. Leaning against the rusty surface and looking at the clear sky and moon, he says, “I’m only pretending to go legal with Xing Tian Meng, actually I am-“

Shao Fei gets up from where he’s seated and interrupts Tang Yi’s sarcastic monologue. Bowing, he apologises, “It’s my fault! I was wrong. I was too full of myself, to be so sure that it was you… Tang Yi, I’m sorry!”

Tang Yi looks at the man before him, and somewhere deep inside his heart, he is moved by Shao Fei’s words.

“Hey, I’ve already said so much, you should at least give me a response!”

“This is my first time seeing a monkey who knows how to reflect on himself.”

“Hey! Who are you calling a monkey? Let me tell you, even if you’re sincere in trying to wash Xing Tian Meng clean, I will be keeping my eyes on you. The moment you do anything illegal, I’ll still arrest you!”

“Keep your eyes on me?”

“Yes! Keep my eyes on you. Both eyes!” Shao Fei points his fingers at Tang Yi.

In that moment, Tang Yi’s mouth curves into a smile that Shao Fei has never seen before, and says, “Okay. Then I’ll keep on letting you keep your eyes on me.”

“Then I- I’m going to sleep. Good- good night…”

Suddenly, Shao Fei can feel his cheeks heating up again. He flees back to the corner he was lying at earlier, pulls his jacket over himself and pretends to sleep.

[axiumin]

Snapshot | Chen x Reader

Hi, lovely! Guess who? ;) You've got Admin T here from Noona-Clock! Sending you a fluffy Jongdae request. I'll let you choose- either a Model!AU or Backstage!AU (like the Little Something MV). Looking forward to it, dear, and fighting!! ❤️ Admin T

 @noona-clock Admin T, I am thrilled to bits that my first requested story is for you! I had a lot of fun with this one and may have gotten a bit carried away at times, so I hope dearly you find it to your liking. <3 

Perhaps it was due to your nature as a photographer, but treasured moments stuck out to you as if frozen in time, like snapshots. After you met Jongdae, you found that there were plenty of such treasured moments.

Pairing: Chen x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Model!AU

Words: 2.5k+

It was way too early for it to be this bright.

You’d been in the business long enough to know the importance of getting an early start for the day, yet you couldn’t help but sigh as your sleep-heavy eyes squinted against the studio lights.

Still, at least you had something to make it worth being up at this time of the morning. Today, you’d be working with Jongdae, an up and coming model whose career took off quicker than anyone expected. Well, maybe not totally unexpected. You’d seen the pictures, same as anyone else: the high cheekbones, the expressive eyes, the curved mouth. The man was gorgeous and— more importantly— he photographed well.

The artist in you was thrilled at the chance to take photos of him. You may be one of many photographers working with him, but you knew that if you pulled this off well enough, your career might soar just as high as his.

You were fiddling with one of your film cameras when Jongdae arrived. He was clearly just as affected by the early morning hour as you, but even with his baseball cap and the faint circles under his eyes, he was strikingly handsome.

His handsomeness increased tenfold when he made eye contact with you and grinned, bright and charming.

“Hi, I’m Jongdae,” he introduced himself, sounding far more energetic than he looked. Butterflies erupted in your stomach; you already knew this was going to be a fantastic shoot.

“I’m Y/N,” you returned, putting your camera down so you could gesture around the studio. “What do you think?”

Jongdae looked around, taking in the lighting, the backdrops, and the props. He nodded approvingly. “I like it. I think this is going to turn out great,” he said. He wasn’t the first person to say something like that to you, but when his eyes returned to yours, you were struck by his earnestness.

You cleared your throat. “Alright, then. Good. How about we get you set up with the stylist and ready to go?” You nodded at him and turned back to your camera, watching him walk away out of the corner of your eye.

.

There’s something honest about photography. Sure, there’s retouching and editing that can make a picture look nothing like its reality, but the photograph itself, the original version, is one of the most truthful things in the world. You’ve seen firsthand the raw honesty of photographs: a fleeting emotion, immortalized in film; impatience, exemplified by a blurred border or overexposed brightness; the clutter and mess of humans.

But just as photographs are a reflection of the humans they capture, so too do they reflect the perspective of humans. You became a photographer so that you could share your view with the world, and you take great pains to do that, no matter what project you take on.

.

You had already finished setting up and double checking all of the equipment by the time the stylist was finished with Jongdae. That meant he had your full attention when he stepped into the studio lights, every detail of his appearance carefully curated, from his slightly mussed hair to the bold, contrasting colors he wore.

Now more than ever, you were eager to get started. Already, you could imagine the different details to hone in on, the different ways of capturing this man in photographs. You were still reflecting on this when he spoke.

“I’m ready to go if you are,” he said. Your eyes flicked back up to his as a confident smile spread across your face.

“Let’s do this.”

.

Here’s what you saw: dark hair falling into dark eyes. The sweet curve of a mouth hinting at mischief. Bright lights playing off the curve of a cheekbone. A glimpse of a strong chest hiding behind a bold shirt. A face unable to hide its honesty as it asks, “Can you see me? Do you know who I am?”

Click.

.

After the shoot concluded, you flipped through the stills on one of your digital cameras. You were amazed; you had expected a successful shoot with Jongdae, but you hadn’t expected nearly every photograph to come out looking this good. You cycled through more shots, impressed when you found that this guy didn’t seem to have a bad angle on his body. And by the sound of the low whistle coming from behind you, you weren’t the only one impressed.

You looked over your shoulder to see Jongdae, his eyes fixed on your camera.

“You know,” he started conversationally, “I had heard rumors that you’re good, but I didn’t expect you to be this good.”

Your face heated a bit as you shrugged.

“You’re the one who’s so unbelievably handsome that he apparently can’t take a bad picture,” you replied. Only after the words left your mouth did you realize how flirtatious they sounded. You shot Jongdae a worried look, but he was just smiling as brightly as ever.

“Let’s just meet halfway and agree that we work well together, then,” he said cheerfully.

.

Your prediction was right: your photoshoot with Jongdae was very successful and garnered a lot of positive attention for the both of you. You suspected this was why you found yourself working with him again, just a couple of short months after the first shoot.

This time, you didn’t have the luxury of working in your studio with your perfect lighting and your air conditioner. No, this time, you were doing a shoot in a garden. It was a beautiful location for a shoot, you readily admitted, and the late spring sunshine provided wonderful lighting for the time being. But there was still the pressure of knowing that you only had a limited amount of time to work with this lighting, and you were discomfited to find that the same sunshine that gave you said pleasant lighting was also attempting to burn through the back of your black shirt.

Still, despite any complaints you may have had about your slightly less-than-ideal conditions, you couldn’t quell the excitement that came from knowing you’d see Jongdae so soon. You tried to chalk it up to professional interest, but you couldn’t deny the part of you that just wanted to see his bright smile directed at you again.

Fortunately, it seemed Jongdae was just as excited to see you again. As soon as the stylists were finished with him, he sidled up to you, bringing with him the wonderful shade of his umbrella.

“You look hot,” he said as way of greeting. You watched, amused, he visibly processed what he just said and hurried to correct himself. “I just mean, you know, the sun is bright. And you looked—” He decided to stop while he was ahead.

“Thank you, Jongdae,” you said with a laugh. “Are you ready to get started, then?”

Grateful for the way out, Jongdae nodded. “Very.”

.

Here’s what you saw: sunlight dancing on bronzed skin. Soft petals resting against soft lips. Blades of grass weaving through dark hair like the delicate caress of fingers. Eyes both piercing and gentle as they say, “I see you. I know you.”

Click.

.

The shoot ended as the sun began its descent and took with it all the best lighting. You were far from disappointed, though; again, you couldn’t help but be impressed by how flawlessly these pictures had come out.

You heard footsteps approach from behind you and half expected history to repeat itself with a low whistle. You were surprised, then, when Jongdae spoke.

“You know, we’re not too far from my favorite cafe.”

You turned away from your camera to give Jongdae your full attention.

“Would you like to get something to eat?” he finished, smiling bright and beautiful as ever.

You smiled back.

You went home that day with several rolls of undeveloped film and a scrap of paper with a scrawled phone number.

.

The next time the two of you met up, it was by your own arrangement. You’d made good use of that phone number, and it was just over a week before you found time to plan a date.

“I’m a bit worried,” Jongdae admitted. You were halfway through lunch at a cafe of your choice, seated outside at a wrought-iron table that offered a lovely view of the nearby park. You felt a flash of concern, but it settled when you saw how open and relaxed Jongdae’s face was.

“What are you worried about?” you asked, idly taking a sip of your tea.

“Well, I thought I knew what I was talking about when I took you to that cafe last time, but now I’m worried that your taste in food is much better than mine. How am I supposed to impress you now?” Jongdae, bless him, actually pouted a bit.

A slow smile tugged at your lips without your permission. You comfortingly patted Jongdae’s hand, heart fluttering a bit when he turned his palm to yours and intertwined your fingers.

“Ah,” you cleared your throat. “I suppose we’ll have to keep sharing our favorite places with each other to see who really has the better taste. Don’t you think?”

His hand squeezed yours and he smiled like the sunshine.

“You know, I think you’re right.”

.

Here’s what you saw: fingertips grazing a painted coffee mug. The peek of a tongue chasing a fleeting taste. The flash of joy in familiar eyes. A warm hand clasping another tightly as if to say, “I want this. I want you.”

Click.

.

Your first date had set the tone for the beginning of your relationship. Whenever the two of you found time between your respective new projects to meet up for another date, you took turns choosing where to eat. After the cafe you had brought him to for your second date, Jongdae had made it a point of pride to try to find the best eateries— not that you particularly minded. As far as you were concerned, both of you were the winners if it meant you got good food.

With time, your friendly competition had moved on from cafes to sophisticated restaurants and again on to—

“Ice cream?” you asked dubiously.

“Yeah! I mean, it’s summer. What better way to cool down? And we both know that not all ice creams are created equal.” Jongdae tugged on your hand, leading you to an ice cream stand that he insisted was one of the best in the city.

You had to admit, once you were seated on a park bench, swirled ice cream cone in hand, Jongdae might have been onto something. And he knew it.

“It’s good, right?” he asked, watching you with an almost cheshire-like smile as you tasted your ice cream and made a show of thinking about it.

“Hmm.” You forced yourself to keep a straight face as you scrutinized your ice cream. “I’m not quite convinced yet,” you teased.

“Yah, Y/N! Don’t pretend that you don’t like it!” he whined. He wrapped an arm around your waist and leaned against you. “It’s perfect! And if you don’t like yours, then you can try mine!”

This time, your skepticism was real as you looked at his ice cream.

“Jongdae, didn’t we get the same flavor? Why would yours taste any different?”

He just shrugged and made a show of taking a bite of his ice cream.

“You never know how these things work until you give them a try, Y/N.” He suddenly leaned further into your space, face softening into a more sincere expression. “So let me give you a taste.”

Your heart hammered in your chest as he leaned forward to press his lips against yours. They were lightly cool from the ice cream, but you immediately felt warmed by the kiss. It was slow, unhurried as the summer afternoon around you, and when you pulled away, you felt almost sluggish as if you’ve been basking in warm sunlight. Warm, comfortable, right.

His face hovered close to yours, his eyes watching your face as if it held all the answers. You slowly licked your lips, chasing the feeling of the kiss, and you were surprised to find that the ice cream somehow tasted sweeter than before.

Yeah, Jongdae was onto something here.

.

Here’s what you saw: tree leaves casting mottled shadows across an expanse of skin. Eyes dancing and crinkling at the edges in laughter. A smear of ice cream decorating a shining face. A fierce grin softening around the edges as if to say, “I love you. I love you.”

Click.

.

Months later, things settled into something steady and comfortable and warm between you. It was this warmth that reminded you of the spring day when you met, even now in the dead of winter.

Unfortunately, that was just a metaphorical warmth. In reality, you were sitting bundled up on Jongdae’s couch, wearing old sweats and two pairs of fuzzy socks to keep your toes from freezing off. Really, the only thing keeping you going at this point was your personal space heater, who had taken to draping himself across your legs while you two spent a lazy afternoon watching an episode of the latest drama.

“Yah, Jongdae,” you whined when he got up from the couch, taking the heat with him.

He tossed a quick smile over his shoulder as he disappeared into his bedroom.

“Wait right there, Y/N. I promise it’ll be worth it!”

You pouted, bundling your blanket tighter around you while you waited for him to do whatever it was he was doing. After a moment, however, your face melted into a curious expression as you listened to him rummage around in his room.

He came back soon after, hands behind his back and smile bright and contagious as ever.

“I got something the other day,” he sing-songed. You were still confused, but you couldn’t help but grin back as you craned your neck to see behind his back.

“What is it?” you asked, trying to catch a glimpse.

“Ta-dah!” With flourish, Jongdae showed you the camera he was holding. It was an old polaroid in surprisingly good condition, and you were sure your puzzlement showed on your face.

“I know you’re the photographer and all,” Jongdae said, “but I thought it would be nice for me to have my own camera! That way, I can have pictures of you for once.” Your heart swelled with affection.

“Oh, Jongdae,” you sighed, voice halfway between teasing and dreamy.

Jongdae tilted your face up to be level with his, eyes dancing.

“I love you, you know,” he said, just before kissing you.

It was as slow and sweet as your first kiss, and you sighed softly as he pulled away, far too soon for your liking. You had barely opened your eyes to look at him again when you heard the click of a camera shutter.

You gasped, your shocked expression making Jongdae snicker as he waited for the instant film to finish exiting the camera. He held it up victoriously, and you grumbled a bit even as you pressed against his side, waiting for the film to develop.

As you watched your form slowly materialized in the photograph, you felt more keenly than ever the love you held for this man.

.

Here’s what he saw: wisps of hair falling softly against a sweet face. Cheeks flushing with warmth and affection. Lips parting as if to call after someone. Half-lidded eyes confessing without fear, “You are my moment. You are my forever.”

Click.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #163

i’m too tired to think of song lyrics rn.

Do you have a little sister? Yes. The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?  In her actual presence, I think once? Over a phone or Skype, like... two or three times. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. Think a lot before you fall asleep? SO MUCH. It's part of why I struggle to fall asleep. Brain doesn't stop. Ever been the only one trying to fix a relationship? That's the story of my fucking life. Romantically, just once. Are you guilty of flirting too much? Definitely not. Did you ever set up a lemonade stand when you were a kid? No. Does virginity matter to you? Not really anymore, no. So long you gave it up to someone you sincerely loved and were smart about it. Do you know anybody who was abused? A few emotionally. Have you ever bought or sold something on Facebook Marketplace? No. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? YEAH. The only case in which it does't bother me too much is when I've been a *truly* s/o with you for a while. Like if I'd go beyond just kissing you, it shouldn't be a bit deal to just drink after you. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Does anyone not, really? Is there a difference between just love and in love? YEAH. Are you good at admitting your problems? Pretty easy for me. How many times have you dated the person you’re with now? Once. Has your cell phone ever rung in class? No. Do you ever feel like just laying down and giving up? Not really anymore!! I get down, but I never have the urge to just give up entirely. Have you ever lied about your age? When I was younger signing up for websites lmao. Lied about your name? No. Do you sit on the mattresses in furniture stores? Sometimes. Are there some topics that you aren’t very open about? Maybe? It depends on the person. Have you ever had an encounter with a very dangerous animal? No. Have you ever fed a wild animal people food? I mean I fed ducks bread as a kid/before I knew it was bad. Would you rather die or eat another human being? Die. Some things aren't worth living after you've done them. Do you wish that animals could talk? Why or why not? YES!!!!!! BOTH SIDES COULD LEARN SO MUCH!!!!!!! AND PEOPLE WOULD CARE ABOUT THEM MORE!!!!!!!!!!!! Who did you last fall asleep with? Sara. Now your cell phone, what color is it? Dark blue. Who were you last in a car with? Nicole. What color was the last vehicle you were in? White. Have you had “the best night of your life”? Eh. Probably not. Toilet papered someones house? I'm an adult. Who was the last person you high-fived? Probably Aubree or Ryder. Or the girl Colleen watches. Do you own a romper? Noooo, not my thing. What does your computer’s slow-loading cursor look like? Blue circle. Would you rather have a trampoline or swimming pool? Pool. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? Oh fuck that shit, I was afraid of porcelain dolls and still am. Do you sell any products? If so, what? No. If not, do you want to start a business? Well I wanna be a freelance photographer. Have your parents ever crushed your dreams? No. Do you own anything cheetah print? No. Have you ever made a collage for your bedroom wall? No. Do you make DIY projects and gifts? No. Don't have the motivation. Owls or peacocks? Owls. Lions or horses? Lions. Is your kitchen floor black and white checkered? No. What do you make wishes on? Nothing. What’s the best natural pain reliever? Sleep. Do you like trees? Yeah! What’s your favorite Paramore song? "That's What You Get." What is your favorite color for bridesmaid dresses? LIGHT PINK. Happy and soft colors! Do you think you are pregnant? That's impossible. Do you like the ocean? Yeah. You wouldn't see me deep it there, but I mean, it's cool. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Apparently not. I guess. I asked Juan, Tyler, and Sara, BUT only because I knew they liked me. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? YES I FEEL SAFE AND LOVED AND IT'S JUST CUTE!!!!!! Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon? Dad and I may go see another soon-ish, but I doubt it. We both think The Meg looks good. What are you listening to? I swear I go back to binge "Cool Patrol" by NSP like every other month. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? Once, and I can pretty much guarantee this one's gonna hit that mark. Would you be able to climb out your bedroom window to sneak out? If I could open the damn thing. Can you taste the difference between brand name food and store brand food? Sometimes. Would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? Which one more? No. Do you still own a VCR? No. Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies? Yeah. Do you own a nightgown? No. Who is one rapper that just always tends to get on your nerves? Why? I can't stand Kanye, because y'know, he's a god-complexed dick. Has anyone ever made you breakfast in bed? Were they trying to suck up? No. When will be the next time you’ll get a shot? What is this shot anyway? I'unno. When will you next eat tacos? Do you even like tacos, or not so much? I hate tacos. Do you know anyone who is pregnant? One of my very best high school friends recently revealed she is and I am soooo fucking excited for her. Would you or have you ever engaged in casual sex? If we were both single there is one (1) person I probably would fuck I hate myself like a lot and I am a hypocrite. What’s your favorite thing about spring? Just the flowers. And that's it. Have you ever tried belly dancing? If so, did you like it? No, & that would be a blinding display. Were you a part of any clique in high school? Kinda? The goths, emos, metalheads, and scenes all kinda. Naturally came together. Most knew everyone's names and we kinda had this unspoken bond with all the others. We always sat together at lunch. Have you ever given blood? Yeah. I'd actually like to do it again, I think, with me drinking a good amount of water now. Do you like the way you grew up? The only thing I'd change is I wish chores were more firmly enforced. I don't do them enough, and I'm approaching 23. Would you prefer to read or write poetry? Write. If you were to have a child, what would the last name be? Well, mine? But once married I'd definitely get it changed to Sara's. I will not doom her with mine lmao. Are you currently working? And if so do you like your job? No. Have you ever walked out on a job or just not showed up? No. Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No. Would you rather be able to fly or walk on water? Fly. What’s the best club you’ve ever been to? Never been to one. Which sport are you the best at playing? I wasn't bad at basketball last I played. Do you know anyone who has gotten pregnant despite using contraception? Probably. Are you planning on buying a house in the near future? Not the very recent future. A house/apartment will probably be rented first. What was your favorite family vacation you went on as a kid? Disney World. What's something about you that others might find unpleasant or off-putting? I'm hard to get to know due to me fearing judgment. I can be very defensive if you push me to talk about some things. Have you ever kissed someone with a beard? Jason had more of a goatee sometimes. When you were younger, did you believe in Santa?  Yeah. Are you going to make your kids believe in Santa? I don't want kids. If I did however, I probably would. Have you ever made your own calendar? No. What foreign language did you take in high school? One semester of Latin, German for four semesters. Do your parents have gray hair? Yeah. What's your favorite Katy Perry song? Uhhhhh I guess "E.T." What was the last thing you did that made you feel proud of yourself? I haven't acted on it yet, but I made the decision that I would make a sincere effort to fight AvPD and be way more open about myself. What was the last significant and great thing that happened in your life? Met Sara. What is your favorite Starbucks' drink? I don't go there. Who are your last 3 missed calls from? Vocational rehab, Mom, Colleen. Do you like Skittles? Yesssss. Do you blow dry your hair? No. How do you like your eggs? Fertilized by Mark Fischfuck goddammit What song is the catchiest song you know? Hmmm. I suppose maybe "Bad Romance," because I can enjoy like, ANY cover, as well as the original. What is your greatest life accomplishment? Healing. Who is the last person you left a voicemail for? VR. Which is better: the Twilight book, or the Twilight movie? I haven't read any, never watched any. Do you enjoy crossword puzzles? Yes. Do you own any records? No. I wish. Something I'd love to collect. Who was the last guy you called? Dad, probably. You can only listen to THREE CDs for the rest of your life. What are they? "Black Rain" by Ozzy Osbourne, "Black Album" by Metallica, and "The Ascension" by Otep. What is the most unique or uncommon thing about you? Uh I dunno. I guess having blue eyes??? Idk. What happened the last time you were in a fight with someone? I cut her ass out and ignored her. Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who started it? No. What is your favorite type of kiss/way of kissing? Hardcore making out. Favorite form of affection in general/not sexual/etc? Hand holding. Or tight hugs. What do you think about anime? They have some of the most interesting stories, tbh. Who is the last person you unfollowed on Tumblr, and why did you do this? Someone whose posting content changed and I didn't enjoy, probably. What are some upcoming concerts in your town/city? The only one I know of and care about is Metallica in January. Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason? Not that I know of. Would you rather have potato or chicken noodle soup if you had to? Never had potato, but I don't think I'd like it, so. I don't really like chicken noodle, either. If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be? My damn knees. Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you? Native American. Have you ever put gum on the bottom of your desk/chair? I'm not an animal. Would you rather go to the movies, drive-in, or stay at home and watch a movie? Go to the movies. Would you ever be a race-car driver? No. What kind of deodorant do you use? Secret. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite sex? No. What was the last thing you spent a lot of time thinking about? I'm not sure. What do you think about astrology/the zodiac? If you used to believe/not believe in it, what changed your mind? It's absolute bullshit. What is one conspiracy you believe in? Or one you think is total crap? You literally cannot convince me 9/11 wasn't orchestrated by the government. Stupid one, lizard people. Where was the last place you didn’t want to go but had to anyway? Urgent care. When was the last time you yelled/screamed and why? I dunno. What was the last big decision you made? Do you think you made the right choice? Permanently, absolutely, kick Colleen out of my life. I know it was the right choice. What Hogwarts house are you in? What do you think about the “stereotypes” regarding your house? I took a quiz out of boredom before, and I got Hufflepuff, very closely followed by Gryffindor. However, some questions were hard for me, as I know pretty much nothing about the series. So, don't know stereotypes either. What is something you want to do, but you don’t think you’ll ever be able to? Skydive. Don't have the guts. When was the last time you left somewhere for forever (or at least don’t plan on returning)? Ha, mental hospital. What was the last thing you quit? Meat. Do you like to help people? How about animals? Which would you rather help, if it applies? Duh!! And I dunno, really. I see us as equal. I don't really know which I'd go to first if both were in a crisis or something. As an adult, what is the most and least you’ve weighed? I don't even want to say what I weighed at the end of '16. The least was ~120, what I'm desperately trying to get back to. @_@ What is something you like that no one else you know likes too? *shrugs* What is something you don’t like that everyone seems to like? Mexican food came to mind. Do you follow a particular diet/meal-plan/ethic? Currently I do a 16-hour fast every day and then I'm also a vegetarian. What is a subject you tend to avoid with other people, for whatever reason? Politics. What is the longest (or most involved) thing you’ve ever written? Well, RP. You put all the shit I've written together, and it'd probably be longer than the Bible lmao. Do you prefer to live with others or by yourself? Why is this? OTHERS. I GET LONELY. What scares you about getting older? Feeling the physical effects. What about something you’ve done that sounds too wild to believe? I don't think anything, really. What was the last thing someone made fun of you for? I don't know. Do you have a member of the opposite sex you’ve told everything to? Jason knew everything at the time we were together. What color hair do you find sexiest on the opposite gender? I like unnaturally colored hair most, so... but for "normal" colors, black. Who last slept in your bed besides you? Sara. If the last person you had sex with asked you to date them, would you? I would *actually* kick him in the dick if he had the audacity. If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? Metallica with Mom. What is your favorite social networking site? Facebook for the sake of keeping up with people, Tumblr for entertainment purposes. Has anyone in your family fought in any of the wars? No. Has a stray dog ever tried to bite you? No. Are you normally a person to tell people off? Deeefinitely not. Do you even wear any jeans other than skinny anymore? I don't wear jeans anymore period. What did you talk about at lunch today with your friends? I'm not in school. Are you sensitive to caffeine? Nope. How do you usually get around? Mom drives me. Have you ever been accused of being too clingy? No, even though I know I'm very clingy. Do you like vitamin water? I've never tried it. Do you think too little or too much? Waaaay too much. Would you rather vacation by a beach or a lake? Lake. Do you ever keep arguing when you know you’re wrong? It can make me feel embarrassed, but in most cases, I'm quick to drop it. Would your mom care if she found condoms in your room? She'd be confused as fuck considering she knows I'm not with a guy. Are you ticklish? Ugh yes. What do you think of dating websites? They work for some people, but, in general, I don't think they're the greatest idea when you consider how many desperate people there are. Now yes, there's most certainly sincere ones, but. I think you'd have to do some fishing to find the right person. Which show is better: SpongeBob Squarepants or The Fairly Odd Parents? Duuuude the latter. Show was dope my dude. Think you could cut off your own foot if it meant saving your leg? To save my leg, I think so. Well... I dunno, I guess it depends on the situation. I'd be concerned about blood loss. What is the worst thing about having a pet? Knowing they'll die. Have you ever actually seen someone fall on a banana peel? No. Do moths freak you out? They're absolutely beautiful to me, but at the same time, the size of their eyes are a liiittle bit creepy. Did you ever cut your own hair when you were little? No. What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries. Who last messaged you on Facebook? Bethany to let me know when the new wedding date was. Have you ever had surgery or stitches? Both twice. Do you own any clothing that has animal print? No. Does your family eat dinner together? Almost always. What was the last video game you played? Silent Hill 3. Have you ever touched a shark? No. Do you prefer writing in print or cursive? I write mostly in cursive. Do you have any family traditions? Like what? Not that we still do. What is the best time you’ve ever had with your family? I'm not positive. Maybe some summer days when we'd all be swimming and cooking out together. What’s the scariest experience you’ve ever had? The night of the breakup. No overdose or panic attack or anything was scarier than when I realized he was leaving. What’s your favorite computer game? World Of Warcraft kms. What’s the biggest mistake people make on the first date? Just my personal opinion, but some people get sexual way too fast. If you're looking for an actual, long-lasting relationship, you have to connect more emotionally. Do you get turned on easily? It depends on who you are, definitely. Some people can't do anything, yet another person can do the same thing and I'm turned on in an instant. Do you still like to color? Not especially. What’s your favorite children’s show? Pokemon. Would you ever get band artwork tattooed on you? Metallica has some badass designs, but I don't know. Eh, actually, that may be something I'd get whenever my mom passes away considering her quote, "All I need in life are my babies and Metallica," and I think she means it lmao. No one loves them more than this woman. Is there someone you liked so much and nothing ever happened? The biggest crush I had that didn't go anywhere was on Sebastian in high school, but I don't know about "so much?" Like I wasn't desperate to be together. Has the last person you kissed met your family? My mom, Dad, and Nicole. Hopefully Ashley and the kids if her husband doesn't wanna be a homophobic shit. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Just my dad. What is the one thing you remember most about January of last year? I was in the worst state of my life. Approaching my suicide attempt, so I was having the thoughts badly by that point. How do you think you will look 3 years from now? I better be a skinny legend with bomb-ass hair and more tats, boo. What would be number one on your bucket list? Touch a wild meerkat. Probably a pup above all. How old do you think you’ll be when you make your will? I dunno. Do you get any of your songs from Limewire? Lol how old is this??? I used to. Do you call anybody ‘baby’? Literally all my pets and Sara. Where is the fanciest place you have ever visited? Uhhhh I guess somewhere in Disney World??? Are your parents night owls or morning birds? I guess the latter is more accurate. Where did you buy the shirt you’re wearing now? Somewhere online. I found it on Facebook, don't recall the site it led to. Are you easy to get along with? I think and hope so. I'm very accepting. What do you usually do right when you wake up? Check the time. What’s your biggest passion? SPREADING POSITIVITY!!!!! Have you ever thrown your phone in anger? I believe I might have once when Jason and I were arguing?? If I did, it definitely wasn't that hard. I have a vague memory of throwing in onto the carpeted floor.

[lalka-laski]

SEVEN DEADLY SINS Sin 1: Lust 1. Who was the last person you checked out? Did they check you out too? That'd be Glenn. And he didn't check me out at the same exact time (I was watching him undress) but he sure has his moments. 2. Who was the last person you desired, but they didn’t feel the same? I haven't desired anyone besides Glenn in several years so I can't remember. Maybe the random guy I went on one coffee date with & never heard from again. That feels like ancient history now. 3. Ever cheated on a significant other? If so, have you learned from it? I was a stupid freshman in college. I was literally drunk on booze and metaphorically drunk on all the freedom and available men surrounding me. I learned how much a single, selfish action can hurt another person. I'll never do it again because I'll never be THAT GIRL again. 4. Do you watch porn? Sometimes

5. Do you masturbate? Rarely. If I feel an insatiable urge I'll ask Glenn to come take care of me.

6. Best physical features on your preferred sex? Hands, shoulders, chest 7. Who are some celebrities that you think are totally hot? Idris Elba & Shakira are my top two 8. Did you ever lust after a best friend’s significant other? How did it turn out? Honestly I don't think so. Not to sound like nOt LiKe oThEr gIrLs but I've always had a unique taste in men that differed from most of my friends & peers 9. When was the last time you had sex? It's been a week-ish 10. Ever pursued someone, even though they were taken? Yes, regrettably

Sin 2: Gluttony 1. When did you last eat at a restaurant? What restaurant was it? A local burger joint last night 2. When did you last have fast food? Where did you get it? I guess last night's meal counts as fast food 3. What was the biggest meal you had all day? Today I've had nothing so far although I am about to dip into some pita & hummus in a bit 4. Do you have too many clothes? How often do you go shopping? I have way more clothes than I regularly wear. And I keep adding more and more to my closet with my shopping problem. 5. What’s something you have a LOT of? Coffee mugs, journals, David Bowie memorabilia 6. Do you eat a lot? Probably more than my body actually *needs*, yeah 7. What was the last thing you splurged (spent a lot of money) on? Two tops at the mall that were way outside my budget range. I ended up returning one of 'em though 8. What do you spend most of your money on (besides bills and anything necessary like that)? Clothes, takeout, booze 9. Last time you ate candy? What was it? It's been a little while because I've had a killer canker sore that limits my options. But I'm sure the last candy I had was some kind of sour gummy. I have 3 bags in my pantry as we speak... 10. Last thing you ate too much of? Too many mozz sticks last night Sin 3: Greed 1. Do you share things? How often? Actually, yes. I think because I'm the middle child in a house full of girls, I've accepted that nothing can be solely *mine*. This means that I'm great at sharing but terrible at drawing boundaries or expressing autonomy. 2. Someone asks you for a piece of your cookie. You break it in half, but the pieces aren’t equal. Who gets the bigger piece? It depends what kinda cookie we're talking about... 3. When you see change on the ground, do you pick it up? If it's a dime, yes. Because it's a message from my Grams :) And if it's a penny heads up also yes, for the luck! 4. How often do you lend money to people? Whenever I'm asked. Which isn't often but still 5. Do you loooove money? I mean yeah. And I sure would "looooove" to have more of it. 6. If someone offers to pay for you, do you decline or readily accept? I usually accept but will put up a polite fight. 7. Which of your friends is the wealthiest? That's a gross question 8. Would you take a high-paying job that you didn’t really like just for the money and benefits? There are a lot of other factors I'd have to consider 9. Ever stole from anyone? What about stole from a store? What happened? As a kid I stole from a store unintentionally 10. Do you ever have enough money? I guess in the strictest sense of the word. But I have very little wiggle room. Sin 4: Sloth 1. Last thing you procrastinated on? Dishes, most likely 2. When you’re at a strip mall and the next store you want to go to is at the other side, do you drive over there instead of take a short walk? Usually just walk unless it's snowing or frigid cold 3. What’s a typical day off of school and/or work like for you? They vary wildly but for the sake of this question I'll detail a day where I have no social plans. I'll sleep late then do a little reading while I sip my tea or coffee. Then I usually clean/organize/do whatever chores need doing. Next I'll take a luxurious shower (you know, the kind where you use all the products you don't have time for on a normal day?) And after that, it's anyone's guess. Maybe a walk, maybe more reading or some cooking. 4. What’s one talent you have that you don’t really work on, even though you have the ability to be good at it? Well, writing. I need to do more of it. I'm also pretty good at arts & crafts but I've never stuck with one medium long enough to really excel. 5. How many hours of television do you watch a day? At most 1-2. And that's only on nights I have a specific show to watch. 6. What about the amount of time you spend on the internet a day? Oh that number couldn't even be quantified... 7. How many hours of sleep do you get a day? Do you sleep in late? On worknights it's usually about 6 maybe 7? And on off days that number varies

like crazy. 8. Do you drive to places that are less than three blocks away? Well I don't drive at all, so 9. When was the last time you exercised? Does my walk to work this morning count? 10. Ever copied and pasted your homework from a website on the internet? Nah Sin 5: Wrath 1. If you could kill one person and get away with it, would you do it? Absolutely not 2. Is there anyone you honestly and truly can say that you hate? I don't know about that... 3. Is there anyone you want revenge on, whether you want to get them back big-time or just play a little prank on them for hurting your feelings? Again, I don't know 4. Are you fighting with any friends right now? Why? Nah, we're a bit too old to be playing those games. 5. Last time you were really angry? What happened? It's hard to explain... well, it's not really that hard. I just don't want to. 6. When you’re angry, what do you do to calm yourself down? I'm more of a shutdown and suffer in silence type of person. I try to write my feelings out in a journal too whenever I can 7. “Hate is just the fear of loving someone.” true or false? That makes zero sense 8. What’s the best revenge you ever got on someone? 9. Was there any hard feelings after your last break-up? On whose end was it on? Moreso on my end because he is devoid of feelings! 10. Ever been cheated on? How did that make you feel? Yes and it's one of the ickiest, most destructive feelings ever Sin 6: Envy 1. Is there anyone you’re jealous of? Name a person and tell us why. Pretty much every single person I've ever met 2. List three physical features some other people have that you’re envious of (no need to get specific and name people; you can just say something like “brown eyes” or “having perfect eyebrows”). Thin arms/narrow shoulders (really just a more slender frame in general), thick hair, slimmer calves 3. List three personality features that other people have that you’re envious of. Drive/ambition, self-control, common sense 4. Are you a jealous significant other? Yeah 5. Could you date someone who was really jealous? Not in a possessive or controlling way. But Glenn and I both have our jealousies when it comes to each other and our relationship. We can get a little protective. 6. What celebrity’s looks do you envy the most? That could be any number of women. I'm gonna go with Yvonne Strahovski though 7. Do you think anyone is envious of you? In your opinion, what characteristics (physical and mental) do you possess that you think someone might be envious of? I feel weird answering this 8. What are a few things you wish you were good at? I wish I just had more drive overall to pursue and build on my existing skills. I'd also love the ability to sing and play an instrument 9. Did you ever date someone, break up, and then see them dating someone very attractive a few days later? Were you jealous of that person? That's crazy specific and no. 10. When looking at a love interest’s exes, do you often find yourself jealous of their good-looking exes? I'm jealous of even the NON good-looking ones. It's a whole problem. Sin 7: Pride 1. What’s something you brag about a lot (be honest–we all brag sometimes)? I find myself bragging about how good Glenn is to me. At least it FEELS like bragging... 2. What physical features do you take the most pride in? My collarbones 3. Are you satisfied with what you have? Yes 4. Be honest… when someone is telling you something, do you often change the subject so it’s about you and your accomplishments instead? Oh no, and that's such a repulsive quality in people! 5. Do you like talking about your achievements? No, it makes me quite uncomfortable 6. Do your parents tend to brag about how well you came out? They don't "brag" about any of us. They're just not the type. Though they are very proud of our accomplishments and sing our praises when appropriate. 7. Do you strive to be better than others? Do you think competing with others is healthy? I'm not competitive in the least 8. What do you do better than most people? Making others feel

comfortable 9. Do you believe in taking pride in things you can’t control (ex. being proud of your heritage, being proud of your skin color, being proud of your natural artistic ability)? Certainly 10. Who are you competing with right now (it could be anything–classmates for a grade, co-workers for a position, other girl for a guy, etc.)? ......

[purplesurveys]

1067

JANUARY 2020

Where did you go on new year’s?: I believe we only stayed home and had a big dinner with family. We’re usually home during the New Year since our rooftop already offers a fantastic view of the fireworks around the city and in Manila, and also because my dad usually isn’t home on December 31st/January 1st.

Who kissed you on new year’s? I didn’t kiss anyone when 2020 hit. Gab and I always celebrated holidays and spent weekends separately...in retrospect, both already should’ve served as a bit of a red flag for me.

Did you have a New Year’s Resolution this year? I didn’t. I thought I had it together. Oh well.

Does it snow where you live? It never snows here.

Do you like hot chocolate? It’s comforting and I order it a lot, but as I’ve said before I don’t like hot drinks haha. No restaurant or coffee shop serves lukewarm chocolate, so I usually just get an order of hot chocolate and then wait for it to considerably cool down.

Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop? I’ve never been to New York and they don’t show that program here.

Is January anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) My dad’s birthday is on the 31st. I also always remember my aunt and uncle’s wedding anniversary on the 11th since theirs has so far been the only wedding of an immediate family member that I’ve attended, and so I remember the preparations and the actual event being really hectic but fun.

FEBRUARY 2020

Were you single? No. I was in a happy, committed relationship at the time.

Who was your Valentine? My girlfriend at the time was, but I remember we agreed to make Valentine’s a little lowkey last year because we were both low on savings at the time. Still, she got me a street food bouquet and I got her a pretty flower bouquet in return. I think we also had an Italian dinner somewhere between Valentine’s Day and our anniversary.

When you were little did you buy Valentine’s for the whole class? No. I don’t see the point.

Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not? I really don’t care about this in general. It’s not a thing we follow here.

What did you receive for Valentine’s day? Like I said, Gab went to my favorite street food stall and she manually made a bouquet herself, fancy paper and ribbons and all. The ~bouquet had chicken isaw, pork isaw, barbecue, Betamax, and Walkman in it, which are my favorites.

What did you give for Valentine’s Day? A big bouquet. She was shooting for a school requirement that day and was at her best friend’s house, so I spoke with that friend in secret so I can plan out a surprise visit and hand her the flowers.

Is February anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) I used to look forward to February because it was mine and my ex’s anniversary. I’m not threatened by the date this year and I will just make plans for myself. Or I can also ask Angela to hang out with me. Idk yet, but what matters to me right now is that I’m no longer sad about it.

MARCH 2020

Are you Irish? Not one drop of it in me.

Do you like corned beef and cabbage? I haven’t tried these together but I will sometimes eat my samgyupsal with cabbage, so I doubt this combo would be bad.

What did you do for St Patrick’s Day? We don’t celebrate that here.

Are you happy when winter is pretty much over? We also don’t have winter.

Is March anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) My late grandpa celebrated his birthday on the 11th. March will also forever be burned in my brain as the month that 2020 ended for me.

APRIL 2020

Do you like the rain? Love it. Rain makes me feel calm and peaceful.

Did you play an April fool’s joke on anyone this year? I don’t think so. I just enjoy watching prank videos on social media sometimes, but I don’t pull them myself nor is there anyone who pulls them on me.

Do you get tons of candy for Easter? That’s not really tradition here. Most families will just go to church on Easter Sunday, and only families with young kids will have Easter egg hunting games.

Do you celebrate 4/20? Nope. I celebrate the day afterwards, which is my birthday haha.

Do you love the month of April? I do get a childlike excitement for it every year because I always get excited for my birthday, no matter how small my plans may be for it in a given year. The only thing I hate about April is the weather, because this is when it starts to get unbearably hot in the country. Is April anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) My birthday, my parents’ anniversary, my brother’s birthday (at least I was excited for it until I stopped talking to him). April is also usually Wrestlemania month, and something I will always look forward to regardless of how detached I’ve gotten from pro wrestling.

MAY 2020

What is your favorite flower? Roses and peonies. Sunflowers make me feel hopeful, but I wouldn’t say they’re my favorite.

Finish the phrase “April showers…”: I don’t know.

Do you celebrate May 16th: National Piercing Day? That’s a day? I always remember May 16 as being Katreen’s birthday lol. Anyway, no I definitely do not celebrate it. I don’t even have piercings beyond my earlobes.

Is May anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) It’s my favorite cousin’s birthday. May also marks the end of the school calendar, so back in college I had always looked forward to the 3rd or 4th week of May. In 2020, Andi and I also wrapped up our thesis in May.

JUNE 2020

What year did/will you graduate from high school? I graduated in 2016. Happier, simpler times.

Did you do anything fun during this Month? I learned how to use iMovie so I can make a surprise birthday video for Gab, where I collated video greetings from her closest friends and also asked them to put photos they have with her in a Google Drive. That was exciting to learn and make, even though my efforts ultimately went to waste. We also got Cooper last June!!!!! when he was still a small small tiny bean of a pup, and I could still carry him with one hand.

Have a favorite baseball team? I don’t even know how baseball works.

Is June anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) Yeah used to be her birthday but I obvs can’t celebrate it with her anymore. Otherwise, pretty uneventful month overall.

JULY 2020

What did you do on the 4th of July? We don’t celebrate that here. This used to be the date of our Independence Day back when US still had a much tighter grip on us, but I believe a former President shifted it to a different date (the one we have now) to serve as a sign of our independence from that country.

Did you go to the fireworks? We don’t have fireworks on July 4th, nor do we have fireworks on our own Independence Day.

Did you blast the A/C all day? I wanted to but was not in the place to, given that I did not earn my own money yet to help with the bills.

Is July anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) Last year, my college graduation was held in July.

AUGUST 2020

Did you have a sunburn? No. No reason for me to get one considering I stayed at home from March to September, except for the time I went to the doctor in May.

Did you go to the pool a lot? I didn’t, but my parents did blow up the inflatable pool that we keep and placed it on the rooftop so that we can cool down. Summer this year was unforgivable.

Did you go out of town? I don’t believe we did in August.

Is August anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.) My university-wide graduation. My school has quite a large population so we get two grads - a more intimate one with our own college where we can be called one by one to go up the stage; and a larger, more general, university-wide grad, where the university higher-ups and a chosen summa cum laude student make speeches and there are multiple music/dance performances.

SEPTEMBER 2020

Are you attending college/school? Not anymore.

Do you like fall better than summer? We don’t get fall.

What happened this month? Man you had 8 other months to ask this, why pick my worst month?? Lmao. September was the month of the quick deterioration of my relationship and its eventual breakup, my first job interview (that I got ghosted by), Nacho’s first death anniversary, opening my first bank account, and the start of my internship.

Is September anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.): Angela’s birthday, my mom’s birthday, Nina’s birthday.

OCTOBER 2020

Whats your favorite candy? Fruitella. I got soooooo many Fruitella packs from my relatives this Christmas because that was what I put on my wishlist hahahahaha.

What was your favorite thing(s)about this month? October was terrible. The only thing that kept me alive was my internship and the people in it, our Halloween party, and Good Mythical Morning. But in general, September through the first half of December 2020 is a period I would like to bury permanently.

What are you planning to be for Halloween? I don’t have plans for Halloween 2021 yet.

Are you going to be trick or treating? Nope.

Is October anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.): I don’t think so.

NOVEMBER 2020

Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving? Sigh. I don’t care for Thanksgiving.

What are you going thankful for this year?: Too early to tell, but on the second day of the new year, so far, I’m thankful for the positive people around me, the kindness and patience they extend to me, and myself for powering through and living to see 2021.

Do you love stuffing? No but I’d like to try it.

Anything exciting happen this month? Again, November was still shitty times for me.

Is November anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.): I got employed and started my first real job.

DECEMBER 2020

Do you celebrate Christmas? Yeah, but it clashes with my non-belief so it’s something I’m still figuring out.

Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe? No.

Get anything special last year? I got one too many bottles of soju and packs of Fruitella, hahah. I also got the wooden portable table that I’ve been eyeing for a while.

What do you love most about December? THE HOLIDAY WORK BREAK ZZZZZzzzzzz I can’t believe it’ll be over soon :( I’m not yet ready to go back to work ugh.

Is December anything special to you? (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Vacations, etc.): Two of my aunts’ birthdays, my godson’s birthday, my grandma’s birthday, and get-togethers with different sides of my family.

[stvlti]

11 Questions

i was tagged by @privatekururugi, @espiadimonis, and @transguynoriaki a while ago. each gave me a set of 11 questions to answer, so i will answer these 33 questions. i’m not gonna tag anyone in particular, but if you see this do feel free to have a go at any or all of these sets of 11q’s.

from @privatekururugi:

1) Do you have any specific diet you go by? (Vegan, Gluten-Free, Paleo, etc.) i used to be pescetarian, but then the deficiencies it gave me caused some pretty bad dental / gum problems, so i started eating a bit of lean chicken and pork on the side again... (yeah i know supplements exist, but even my nutrition major of a friend thought a pescetarian diet won’t yield deficiencies, and also supplements are fairly expensive. get off my case)

2&3) Do you have any siblings? If so, how close are you? nope, i’m an only child

4&5) What’s your favourite book and why? (I might want to read it lol) hmm. i still really like 1984, it was the first dystopian classic i read and the concept of Newspeak, tampering with historical authenticity on such grand scales, etc. just blew my mind. so even though i still dislike its weakass character-writing (p much anyone besides Winston has no personality, no distinct personal motives, etc), it’s got a soft spot in my heart. next to that i also liked A Clockwork Orange for the philosophical discussion of the nature of right and wrong (although in hindsight the story is a bit didactic); To Live by Yu Hua (the ill-fated episodes and tragic ends are made all the more absurd by the subtle and simply narration style, but it really is a humbling and informative experience for us readers of a different era and socioeconomic background); and of course, my favourite fable, A Little Prince.

6) Would you describe your personality as dominate or submissive overall? what the fuck kind of question is this. well i’m opinionated as heck, so i’m not submissive “personality-wise”. and that’s all i’ll say on the matter because i’m p sex-indifferent lol, if that’s what this question was trying to get at.

7) What are your dreams usually like at night? oh man. i usually don’t dream normal dreams; as in, most dreams i have is either one big adventure / story, or some bizarre situation that would have been questionable at best, fucked up at worst, in real life context. when i start dreaming about mundane everyday life problems or situations, like failing a test or being stuck with a friend i’ve cut off from my life years ago, that’s usually when i’ve got some kind of stress going on in my life.

(i’ve been trying to restart my dream journal tag actually, but i got stuck on my second entry trying to recall the specifics lol. maybe i should release entry #3 from the drafts first.)

8) Is there anything you’re currently anxious about? well, yeah. my future. my job prospects. being homeless once my parents decide to sell their house off for retirement because the housing prices are through the roof here. pick one.

9&10) Are you looking forward to Thanksgiving? Will you be contributing anything? we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving!

11) Whose your favourite Death Note character (if you have one)?  Light Yagami, even though he’s a slimy fox.

from @transguynoriaki:

1. What kind of music do you listen to?

hmm, i only listen to really slow music or something dark or rock-ish, nothing in between!! muahahaha!! 

okay that’s generalising it; i do love The Honey Trees and The Novembers, which are on opposite ends of the “slow” spectrum (one’s dream pop, the other’s infused with shoegaze and other distortions + some screamy vocals and loud noises at times), with Lana Del Rey and her decadent sounds smack in the middle lol. but yeah i certainly have a taste for the more atmospheric stuff, so aside from the fuzzy feelings of The Novembers’ stuff and the grandness of Lana’s string instrumentals i also like the darker chill vibes you get from The Neighbourhood, some of The Weeknd’s older stuff, etc. 

and I also really enjoy MCR, Muse and the like - i.e. dramatic sounds, that’s the good shit to me haha.

i also like more conventional pop acts like Lorde... and my fave local singer, Ivana Wong, of course!

2. Do you prefer to keep your living space neat and tidy or do you like a certain amount of mess?

i do prefer order and routine in my life, sadly if i can’t do that on a structural level you think i can do that with my desk?! lol. in an alternate universe, maybe.

3. What was the first ship you remember really shipping?

hmm probably TerraxBeast Boy from CN’s Teen Titans. i was lukewarm / indifferent to other canon pairings i’ve seen in media up until that point; but i guess i was more persuaded by the storyline than their characterisations as looking back there are glaring trust issues in their relationship (and that’s an understatement)

4. Do you have a certain show or book series that holds a lot of nostalgic value for you? If so, what was it?

hmm, i guess Courage the Cowardly Dog? (i was a weird kid but shush) and Teen Titans of course. as for books, hmm... ASoUE is definitely one of the ones that just takes me back to middle school. i even bought the Beatrice letters files thingy. tbf the whole Lemony Snicket universe did teach me a lot about cryptography, which i guess if me or a friend of mine were to do an L rp and solve cases it would help a lot (*cough* not saying that’s what’s happening right now because i’ve got other stuff i’m investing my time into. i guess my friend’s gonna make themselves scarce as well hahaha *cue Mariah Carey’s i can’t read gif except it’s L*)

5. What is your favorite type of food?

Italian and Japanese are my fave cuisines! i guess that means i love richly-flavoured foods and creamy stuff. ooh, love those sauces.

6. Was there ever a fad or activity from your childhood that you could never understand or get into?

i wasn’t a gamer at all. we didn’t own a single console and i wasn’t allowed to get a handheld. the most i had was a Tamagotchi. so i guess it’s not so much i never got that ‘fad’, just that i was never given the opportunity to discover the really good games. i’ve only ever played a bit of Mario Kart or Cooking Mama on my cousin’s NDS so yeah. didn’t see the appeal in the more light-hearted games like that.

(now that i’ve played Undertale i’m kinda wanting to explore more PC games though. i heard Papers Please is good, and PJ (@kickthepj)’s been recommending Hyper Light Drifter a lot, and the art looks amazing, so yeah... too broke to get them though... and even if i had the money and time to play them i’d be allocating it towards other stuff you know?)

7. What’s your favorite time of day?

well i got 2 fave time periods. the first one’s the witching hours between midnight and early morning, when the world is quiet and you could do anything and nobody would know. the other one is early morning, just after sunrise, and the air is clear and slightly chilly, and it’s also really quiet but you can just hear the birds tweeting somewhere.

i’m more likely to be awake for the first time period described here though... ._.

8. What’s your favorite type flower and why?

hmm i'm not really a flower person. i’m just gonna steal Luke’s answer and say cactus flowers haha (well i do like cacti, they’re some of my favourite plants; i even named my IG/Twitter and Pokemon Go usernames after the plant; also some of you might remember that i had a pet cactus for 8 months)

9. What’s your favorite cliché/trope in fiction?

lovers running out of time...

10. Did/do you do any extracurricular activities when you were in school and what were they?

(wow Luke that’s a lot on your resume!)

i did bits and bobs throughout school, but perhaps my longest commitment was my Clarinet lessons. started when i was in Year 2, carried on until i obtained a Pass in Grade 8 ABRSM certificate in Year 10. i had to quit and give up on a diploma there because i was starting the IB diploma programme in Year 11...

this commitment is only rivalled by the dance classes i took. i did ballet from a young age until i was about 12~13, quitting just before en pointe shoes were introduced; i had also been in Chinese dance lessons from Year 1, so after quitting ballet i just focused on that until Year 10 as well (again, quitting to focus on my full-time diploma).

i also did Taekwondo as a child and obtained a black belt qualification by age 12. i quit once i did though, because again i couldn’t afford to juggle so many commitments the older i got and the more demanding my studies became.

perhaps the proudest extracurricular i’ve done is in my senior years of high school: i started and chaired the student committee as the editor in-chief for the school’s first student-ran and seasonal (now monthly) publication. it’s not student-ran either anymore because i guess the kids that came after the classes of 2014, 2015, and 2016 just dgaf about slightly more demanding extracurriculars that require organisation as long as they can earn their credits elsewhere (yes i’m salty, i’m allowed to be okay, it was my brainchild but apparently kids these days don’t care about having their voices heard if it means having to negotiate diplomacy with the adults in charge. god, how do they expect to survive in uni or in a workplace?)

11. What’s your favorite piece of work that you’ve ever created and what about it do you love so much?

hmm. i think for sure the prose poem i wrote about Light’s death in the anime. idk, the flow and the imagery is just a good concentrated example of what i could be capable of given the right tone and context. (of course, i’ve been trying hard to branch out in genres and forms, so that sort of language isn’t always applicable. but yeah, it remains my fave as a showcase of my best writing abilities ^_^)

and from @espiadimonis​:

1.If you could have one piece of death note merchandise of any kind, what would it be?

oh man! i’ve been pining after the Hot Topic official DN poker card deck for quite some time! i’ve checked Blue Banana while i was in the UK, but it’s not available there, and it’s not at Tokyo Toys either (they do sell a DN playing card deck, but it’s a lot cheaper in design :/)

2.What’s your favourite 3D animated movie?

does Lego Batman count? if not, then i guess Zootopia.

(there’s a reason these 2 are listed in my bio fandoms list like...)

3.What superpower would you like to have?

i used to always choose levitation / flying, but lately i’m not so sure. i’ve heard a lot of compelling arguments for other powers haha.

you know what, i’d trade for something as simple as better control of my own brain. i don’t care about mind control over others; i just want to be able to harness the best parts of my lightning fast thought processes and out-of-the-box thinking on my best days without being constantly tripped up by executive dysfunction like that on a metacognitive level.

4.Favourite piece of clothing?

my soft furry hoodie, which i’m wearing right now! <3

5.Who’s your favourite Sailor Scout?

i don’t have one, sorry! i was 4 when it aired on TV, so i don’t remember much from those years except the Sailor Moon t shirt i got courtesy of my aunt because it was all the rage back then... i’m sorry, but i have more vivid memories of Pretty Cure and Sugar Sugar Rune!

6.Do you prefer potato chips chocolate?

it is a good combo for sure! we are talking about Royce’s chocolate potato chips, right? (if you haven’t tried it get some next time you or a friend/family goes to Japan! we can buy it locally from like Citysuper or something, but i doubt they export it to any countries beyond East Asia haha)

7.What song makes you feel melancholic?

oh, Six Billion did last week. it left me feeling cold all over. an effect from the combination of the layered vocals and the instrumentals i guess. (is it in minor key? i’m sorry i can’t tell anymore, it’s been far too long since i’ve had any musical training. but if it’s in minor key it would explain why.)

there’s also some of the stuff off The Novembers’ catalogue... mostly 終わらない境界 from To (melt into), which was my daily commuting soundtrack at a time when i had brainfog on a regular basis, so yeah, anxiety and all that fun stuff :/

8.Which dn character would you invite to Spaceland(the amusement park)?

Sayu or Matsuda? they deserve a lot more than the hand canon dealt them. hmm maybe Rem too? but she wouldn’t be able to interact with a lot of the stuff there :/

9.What’s the funniest movie you ever watched?

i guess The Lego Batman Movie? i’m sorry i know i keep bringing this film up, but it’s comedic genius for a “kid’s movie”.

10.You can only choose one pokémon! Which one do you choose?

Blissey was gonna be my go to answer. she’s a tank, have you seen her? but is she really my fave mon? debatable. idk man. i really liked Vulpix/Ninetales as a kid... but dark and ghost types though!! okay i can’t choose, next question 

11.What made you happy recently?

i went to another poetry event last night and i met up with a friend i haven’t seen since September :P

[tipsycad147]

Garden Gnomes

By shirleytwofeathers

Origin: Teutonic

Emblem: Mushrooms, especially fly agaric or fly amanita

Plant: The presence of galbanum (freula galbaniflua) allegedly invites the protection of gnomes.

Iconography: The standard garden gnome depicts an older male with a long beard and peaked red hat. He wears a big belt over leggings, a blue tunic, and boots. Sometimes they wear gardeners’ aprons.

The name “gnome” stems from the Greek word “genomos” which means “earth dweller”. They are said to be one of the elemental spirits defined by Paracelsus, as representative of the Earth Element.

Gnomes are subterranean spirits now most associated with garden statuary. They resemble tiny people. Paracelsus described gnomes as two spans high. (A span is the width of an outstretched human hand,) Unlike dwarves or kobolds, gnomes are not mine or cave spirits but tend to live beneath human gardens. They have a reputation for emerging at night to do a little helpful garden work. Garden gnomes allegedly bring luck.

Gnomes tend to be quiet, private, taciturn spirits, but they respond well to gifts and offerings. They can be persuaded to become loyal allies, guardians, and helpers. Female gnomes may be especially taciturn; they are rarely depicted. However folklore indicates that their are entire gnome communities with male and female gnomes of all ages. Gnomes maintain good relationships with birds, rabbits, foxes, hedgehogs, and squirrels.

Originally, gnomes were thought to provide protection, especially of buried treasure and minerals in the ground.  Gnomes were regarded as good luck charms by our ancestors and would often be found living in the rafters of barns where they would help watch over livestock. They are still used today.

Garden Gnomes vs “Actual” Gnomes

Modern garden gnomes are based on the legendary “Gnomes” of myth, mysticism, and fairy tales. Gnomes have historically been described as small (from a few inches to a foot or two in height) stout beings who live in Nature – usually underground. European magicians and other mystics considered gnomes the most common and important elemental spirits of the ‘Earth’ element (the other three classical elements being: ‘Water,’ ‘Fire,’ and ‘Air’).

Gnomes were said to wear conical hats and to be able to move through the earth itself as easily as we humans walk upon it, yet if any of these underground dwellers were caught out in the daylight it was said that the rays of the Sun turned them into stone.

Sometimes gnomes were said to have magical powers to protect or punish people – or to reward them with happiness. Gnomes are also said to be guardians of secret underground treasures – especially gold! Even in modern times gnomes are said by some –such as the highly influential mystic Rudolph Steiner – to be involved in the hidden processes of plant life. In fact many farms, including prize-winning wineries, follow principles based on these beliefs.

Garden Gnomes Today

More modern descriptions of gnomes usually emphasise their bright red pointed hats, solid coloured clothes, and the long white beard of the typical male. Though sightings of female gnomes are rarely reported, gnome women are generally thought to be beard-free.

The name ‘gnome’ is said to come from the Latin word ‘gnomus’ which is thought to possibly come from the Greek word ‘gnosis’ meaning “knowledge” (i.e. of hidden treasure), but is more likely rooted in the word ‘genomos’ meaning “earth dweller”

A garden gnome adds a bit of whimsy and a connection to the old world, where farmers believed the good luck charm could help their fields yield more produce and protect them from thieves, pests and other problems. They were also thought to help gardeners in the night, which we all could use!

The earliest gnome statuary was produced in Thuringia, Germany, in the early nineteenth century and was based on German folklore. Gnome statues potentially welcome and attract real gnomes, as well as Flower Fairies or other benevolent spirits. The earliest statues were carefully wrought, hand-painted terra-cotta and were exceptionally popular.

By the 1960’s, cheaper plastic and resin versions were mass-produced. The old terra-cotta ones are now extremely valuable and are family heirlooms. Garden gnome statues tend to evoke very visceral responses. Some people adore and collect them. Others loathe them so much that they feel justified destroying or removing other people’s property.

Gnomes are the subject of modern entertainment as well as old folktales. The animated children’s television show The World of David the Gnome was highly unusual in that it depicted both male and female gnomes. The gnomes in J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series are garden pests, not helpers.

Some Handy Garden Gnome Trivia:

Gnomes are banned from the Royal Horticultural Society Chelsea Flower Show. We think that’s a crying shame, personally.

There are three categories of mass-produced gnomes: Worker gnomes, who always carry tools like fishing rods, shovels, or hammers; at-ease gnomes who typically carry a pipe and cultural gnomes who have a musical instrument in hand. Rock stars.

Gnomes have a life expectancy of 400 years.

Their main enemies? Mean humans who destroy the environment and trolls – obviously.

Male gnomes always wear red caps.

The world’s oldest garden gnome, called Lampy, has been living at Lamport Hall in the UK for 125 years and is worth a cool £2 million, or €2.4m!

In the 1980s, the Gnome Liberation Front stole gnomes and sent the owners photos of them from landmarks around the globe.

Gnomes are generally vegetarian and eat foods like nuts, mushrooms, peas, beans, potatoes, applesauce, fruit, berries, tubers, spices, vegetables, and preserves for dessert.

They like to drink mead dew made from fermented honey, fermented raspberries, and spiced gin as a nightcap.

Gnomes kiss by rubbing noses. They also use nose rubbing as a greeting equivalent to human handshaking.

Forest Gnomes:

There are gnomes that live in the forest in the Philippines.  You can tell where they live if there’s a hill of dirt that’s a bit higher than everything else. And when you go by them, you’re supposed to be really, really respectful and say:

“Excuse me. I’m just walking by. I don’t mean any harm.”

Even if you’re not doing anything, or no one said anything, or you’re not sure. You’re just supposed to do it. If you don’t, there could be blow back as per the following:

“There was a story on the Philippines news channel, about a kid who had huge swollen lips. You could hardly see his eyes. He was speaking to reporters and he said that he was walking by the hills and his friend told him that you’re supposed to say sorry and he said, “No, I’m not. I don’t care. I don’t believe in that stuff.”

Then the next day he woke up with a tumour on his face. Not so much as a tumour, but as his lips were super swollen. It looked like someone blasted air into his lips. Like super Botox.”

Walking Gnomes

The following story is very interesting in the fact that this is one of the few stories from Mexico where inanimate objects, that are not haunted, come to life. The Mexican culture does not traditionally include creatures such as gnomes but instead, it consist of larger creatures and ghosts. This is because the country did not originally have gnomes until places, such as the United States introduced them to there.

“In Mexico they believe that garden gnomes come alive at night. The proof they have of it is that my grandma used to own gnomes and her neighbours used to own gnomes in Mexico. And the garden gnomes the next day would be found in different places and a lot of stuff was broken and sometimes my mom and her sister would wake up at night, and they would hear things, but when they looked outside, they would never see the gnomes there. So there’s that story that they become alive at night in Mexico.”

“Recently I was talking to one of my cousins who told that story to some friends whose parents were also from Mexico. And this friend told my cousin that he actually believes that story, because one night the garden gnomes were not where they had placed them. They found them inside the house one night in the house and they were rolling in the hallway. Since then, they got rid of the gnomes, or at least they tried to. They threw them away but the next day they were in the same place they had put them before.”

The Secret Lives of Garden Gnomes

From Neopets.com, here’s a story about what Gnomes do at night. I’m pretty sure this is a made up story, but I thought it was fun, and who knows? Maybe it isn’t altogether fictional. You be the judge:

The reason Garden Gnomes come alive at night is because they don’t want anyone to see them moving around. This is pretty practical, considering the fact that if any regular person saw them talking and moving, they’d want to put them in some sort of abnormality museum!

But what do garden gnomes do at night? Well, I was watching out my window at the gnomes in my garden one night, and I saw one, a Bruce gnome, have them all line up in a row as he paced back and forth in front of them, a small twig in his hand like he was the instructor of a military camp.

He was telling each gnome which direction to go in order to pick up free food. You see, garden gnomes thrive like ants. They all go off to find food that people may have dropped accidentally or on purpose, and sometimes they even venture into houses and borrow food with no intention of returning (also known as stealing, but they take such small portions most people never even notice).

After retrieving food they rush back to their home centre (which is usually a tunnel in the ground leading into a large, dug out room, since gnomes are not claustrophobic) and report to the leader, in this case the Bruce gnome. He then tallies their lot and tosses the foot morsel into another room in their tunnel, where they store their food. They act sort of like chipmunks, storing food and hunting for it, of course, gnomes are not carnivores though.

And, to their enormous pleasure, when they have collected a lot of food, they sit down at have a feast! Yes, a feast! It’s a feast of little sweets, candy peas, popcorn pieces, and sometimes even whole flower cakes (although they take more than one gnome to carry). But besides eating, what else do gnomes do? Well, I’m glad you asked.

You wouldn’t suspect this, but when they have leisure time, gnomes enjoy swimming. They are very pleased to find a Neogarden where someone owns a pond. They jump right in, clothes and all, and swim and dive around in the cool water for hours at a time. And when they want to dry off, they take a large leaf and wrap themselves up in it, drying off quickly.

Aside from swimming, gnomes also enjoy crafts. They may take green blades of grass and weave adorable little baskets or even blankets. They can also take pieces of bark off of trees and sticks and carve them with sharp stones into little sculptures. Gnomes are very talented in the artistic field, and if you see a stick carved into a Meepit, you know who did it.

Aside from swimming and crafts, another thing gnomes enjoy is sports. They might play their own version of soccer by kicking around a rounded stone, or even play basketball by throwing a rock into a hole. This not only provides exercise, but gives them lots of time together to just have fun.

But when they aren’t playing and having fun, what do they do? Throughout the whole day, they sleep, and at night they either have fun or look for food, so there’s only a little bit of time left for something else-note-taking! This is sort of like their education, which is actually an education of…what else? Neopets!

Note-taking is when gnomes grab their oversized pencils and paper, which they “borrow” from Neopets, then marching through the sleeping pet’s house and going to their bedroom, where they climb up on the bed and observe the neopet’s sleeping habits. They are trying to find out where Neopets came from. Maybe all Neopets evolved from Myncis!

Another sort of educational activity that gnomes practice is counting. It isn’t counting like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, though, no, no no! It’s counting in a different way. The gnomes version of counting may be why your plushies eye was missing when you woke up.

Gnomes will trample in when you are catching some Z’s (it seems all of their educational activities are while Neopets are slumbering) and then they will be assigned a number (by there leader, the Bruce gnome) and then they shall go “counting” which, in other words, is another type of stealing. They have to pick up ten, for example (or however many their number is) trinkets, like plushie eyes, toothpicks, or buttons, and bring them back to their tunnel, storing them in a safe place. What they do with them I do not know, but I suspect they might make furniture or something of the sort using what they found.

One last thing I found out is that gnomes are a fan of bright colours and patterns. In the early morning, I saw them getting ready for bed and they were wearing long pants and long sleeved shirt PJ’s of hot pink, bright purple, lime green, and sunny yellow colour. Some had stripes, some had polka dots, and some even had swirlies! Gnomes are very interesting, no?

Now you know what gnomes do when you aren’t looking, what their secret life is all about. If you look out your window at night, you might be able to see them moving and hear them talking in their high pitched voices. But be warned-if they see you watching them, well, I won’t go there…

Sources:

House and Garden

Encyclopedia of Spirits

Love To Know

Folklore USC

Just Say Gnome

https://shirleytwofeathers.com/The_Blog/powers-that-be/garden-gnomes/