#( HORRORS. AWFUL. HOORAY )

[suffarustuffaru]

What If Julius and Subaru both met when Julius was a commoner and Subaru got transported Sooner

fun stuff im sure !! but haah okay given julius was a kid when he was a commoner - yeah theyre both kids here!! not sure how old but definitely somewhere before the age of ten. and i think theyd be up to some shenanigans together im sure!! theyre both very mischevious kids (or from what little we know of little kid julius, given iirc tappei hasnt specified just How Much of a "delinquent" little kid julius is okay. but hes definitely the type to sneak out past curfew or something. stay up late reading too, probably. that sort of thing). and also subarus a kid and no way he ISNT missing home poor guy T^TT getting ripped away from home like that is bad enough at seventeen, getting ripped away from home when you are like. no more than eight or something is Bad. but luckily!! im assuming subaru gets found by the juukuliuses (julius's parents probably?) and thats how julius and subaru form their friendship / long-term yearning for each other (if you so desire that) (okay but no way subaru ISNT gonna form long-term yearning for julius flajsdlf). but yes i think julius and subaru would be silly happy kids together and julius's parents would be like oh no this other kid is so lost where is he from :(( but hes so loved by julius already too... well we got another kid under our roof now.

except. julius's parents die in a flood. so i mean. Hypothetically.... either julisuba survive this one first try or subaru dies for the first time. which. ohh god. oh god. oh g -

[orangetintedglasses]

He didn't want to look.

He didn't want to look, but Vash's feet still moved his body without much consideration for the way his stomach and heart were now sitting in his throat, wound around each other in a horrible, ice-filled knot. His hesitation was plain as day as he approached the system in slow, mechanical strides; the heels of his boots clunking heavily against the metal floor and situating himself where he could reach the keyboard.

He didn't want to look, but he clicked through, anyway. Subject 9030NT appeared to have been a particular favorite, once he was able to be contained, and used for--

No. Nope. Vash's mouth watered in disgust, discarding the rest of that thought and quickly moving on to the next.

"... th-they..." was all he could really manage to get out, shaken and too soft to be overheard by anyone but Wolfwood close by. The thing was... human bodies did contain every nutrient that plants like this would need to grow. Chock full of nitrates and the like, someone who opted to be turned into fertilizer when they passed would, by all accounts, be perfect plant food with some help. It was a concept he was unfortunately familiar with-- Luida had told him about it, once. How they were supposed to offer it as an alternative to being buried, but she had never been comfortable with the idea.

That wasn't the part that bothered him, Vash told himself.

What did bother him was the fact that these photos didn't exactly scream 'ethical practice'; Wolfwood's discovery that they'd done this with people who 'died' or were 'sent away' didn't scream 'done with consent'. Those things screamed something much, much worse... something much more in line with what they knew about the Eye of Michael.

But even this... to go so low as live human harvesting. Corpses as fertilizer... w-which Vash told himself again and again that that part wasn't what bothered him because, fundamentally, it shouldn't. With consent, it... it could...

... no. No, he really didn't want to think about it beyond that. That wasn't what was happening here, anyway-- what was happening here was completely insane. Immoral, vile, insane. His mind raced; thoughts formed and fled from his mind like Worms from a burning nest.

it's a farm it's a literal farm they kept disappeared people here alive livestock harvesting them are there still subjects here did they leave them here

The blond-- still as a statue and wearing a stoic, stony mask up until that point --suddenly pulled back and away from the computer, as though the keyboard had burned through the leather of his gloves. He looked to Wolfwood, eyes wide and full of barely-concealed emotion, but a sound from behind them caught their attention before he could even open his mouth to speak-- the pretty unmistakable sound of the butt of a gun clattering against someone's face.

Guess the Captain had been listening, looking furiously down at the pile of person and cables that now embodied Ashton-- "did you know about this, you sick fuck?!"

"I got all the pretty pictures," Wolfwood responds grimly, shaking his head slowly, "These people would either 'die' or get cast out of the town somehow and then end up here. They... The Eye kept them here in comfortable cells and... gradually took parts of their bodies. For dirt. I don't... really understand that part. There are pictures of only dirt with some chemicals or something next to it, I dunno."

He flips to the next photo and... it's gruesome. Despite giving himself the title 'Undertaker,' Wolfwood has never seen bodies this chopped up. Surely by now this man is dead, why is he still in the 'In Progress' folder? His skin is peeled in some places, floating at the top of the vessel, and yet—

Subject 9030NT Status: Alive.

Seeing the Eye's handiwork like this never gets easier.

That was the last photo for NT. The final update. If this place has been abandoned for eight months, then... where did they put all of their subjects...?

"I think you should look at some of these. They kept their 'samples' alive and—harvested them. Probably cause you can't... grow food from rotting flesh... I guess."

Wolfwood rocks back against the back of the chair, rolling it slightly away from the computer. Despite the air of aloofness he attempts to maintain at all times, this situation definitely breaks it. His brow furrows in worry as he looks toward Vash, as if searching for the right words to say in this situation. There aren't any.

[bnyf]

baby you're my bunny ♡

╭﹕୨୧﹒ bunny boy x female reader

┊ warnings : yandere content and themes, unhealthy behaviors, relationship and relationship dynamic, slight body horror me thinks? slight horror, perverted yandere, non consensual touching, suggestive, uhhh that's it me thinks :3

╰﹕୨୧﹒ authoress note : so sorry if it's badly written also sorry if it ends weird :/

no survival instinct what's-so-ever. like... none.

but he was not complaining! it was just a mere observation. perhaps you were unaware of your allure, maybe you were not exposed to the cruel world yet, didn't know how sick people and creatures can be.

well for one... your little secret admirer was not one of those adorable bunnies you'd fawn over, nothing even close really. and no, he's not some cute boy with a bunny tail and some bunny ears. he's far from cute, a little scary actually.

humanoid? sure! typical bunny boy hybrid, uhhhh not really lol! he's mixed with human genetics but he's not quit. and for a bunny hybrid, he sure had a lot of predator instincts.

to put simply, he was an abnormality of mother nature. his lower half resembled a bunny whilst his torso and up is that of a man. his claws on his feet or paws or whatever are dangerously long, digging into the dirt whenever he walks, leaving behind a "too small to notice unless your looking for it" trail.

a muscular, lean build, biceps so perfect and manly hands to hold you down if you even ever think of escaping, awe how sweet of him <3

completely pale skin with small patches of equally pale fur in various spots, completely crimson, blood shot eyes and a pair of floppy bunny ears where any normal human's ears would be.

how did he even came to be? you may ask. well he was a normal boy, once upon a time. but one day, he'd gotten into a serious accident, a near death life experience. that day he could've hear the bells of heaven ringing in his ears but he wasn't ready to die, not like this... in his head he begged for more time, asking whatever god above to answer his prayers.

and yeah! his prayers where answered but, as they say, be careful what you wish for...

the moon goddess answered his prayers, but she also cursed him for it is the price he must pay to live longer.

"i grant you more time, as much time as you may need, but for as long as you roam his earth, your soul belongs to me and your purpose, is to server me," her voice rang in his ears like a bittersweet melody before he'd lose consciousness.

when he awake, he found himself in the mountains, he was a monstrosity of a man and dared not step a foot into society. he's to bare this curse and blessing till death.

he became easily bored and clueless as to what to do next, his every day life felt null and everything felt too much to bare. his eternity just began yet he dreads his mistake with every passing day.

"maybe, i should of just accepted my faith and die that day..."

with nothing and no one, he was left to wonder the mountain and serve the goddess by praying to her and tending to her shrine everyday, he's trapped to keep her energy going so she won't become a forgotten god.

(guys i made the lore up on a whim so bare with me even i'm confused right now :0)

anyways! everything drastically changed for our boy here when you and your family decided to move to the village nearby in the rural area, and live a peaceful life and just run a nice little farm hooray! hopefully, you don't get stalked and preyed on by a lonely scarily tall bunny male hybrid who looks like a utterly angelic, celestial eldritch horror, right?

all he could think about was a pretty girl had moved in next door and he just had to watch her from afar. most the villagers were very welcoming of you and your family, it was big talk because such a pretty girl had just moved in the small village and all the villagers wanted their sons or grandsons to get married.

it doesn't have much young people, mostly elders and young children and even less marriageable women. which is why you easily became popular, with everyone always gifting you things, begging you to marry into their family. they even had a town welcome celebration for you and your family!

he watched everything from afar. feeling a slight sting in his chest. jealous? already? of course he is, he wanted you all for himself. for countless nights, he just couldn't sleep at all.

he spent all his time admiring you from afar. the way he'd blush, his heart beat fastening, the gears in his head would just slow down a bit. gosh, he actually felt his heart warm so much it'd burn in his chest.

he wanted you badly.

you were his new source of entertainment, motivation and inspiration all in one and his mind was melting with how needy he started becoming.

"what the f- she's so kind and pretty..."

"i wanna hug her, wanna kiss her, feel her skin on mine, love her, fuck her."

"she can be my little bunny princess~"

"wonder what our babies would look like? i'm getting heated just thinking about it"

it didn't help much when he found out you adored bunnies and would play with them near the spring. fawning over the little fluffy creatures, hugging them and petting them. and when you held them in your arms and give smooches while rubbing your face on their fluffy fur?!?!?

that's where his obsession becomes almost to much to bare, his entire chest area felt so warm watching you treat those bunnies with so much love.

"everything about her is so perfect, i'm starting to crave her like crazy right now."

"wanna whisk her away, take her, lock her up and keep her all to myself."

his mind starts getting clouding with so many dark thoughts of you.

and so, he start pushing boundaries and going outside his comfort zone to appease his little appetite that consist of you. at night, he sneaks in to steal a closer glance at you and probably a few things so he can remember your scent properly.

the whole house was dark, the whole village asleep by the time it was midnight hour. he'd manage to get in somehow somewhere but when he did, he immediately went to your room.

finally. he could smell and touch you as much as he wanted, his mind was actually in ecstasy when he entered your room, your scent gracing his nostrils as soon as he did, and the poor touch starved male couldn't hold back on touching you various parts of your skin.

"how delightful, her skin is so smooth and her hair feels so good, she smells like flowers all over gosh so fucking perfect, i wanna devour her, drink her up, chew her, spit her out and do it all over again" with every slight movement you make and whimper scaping your soft lips, he can't help but hold back his own voice, he wanted to moan just by being around you, it felt so good.

after so long, why wouldn't it feel great?

to be around around someone for once, to feel the heat of another person's body, the sweet scent of someone else other than himself. he'd lay in bed with you, his larger self cuddling your smaller form as smells your hair, trailing his hands all over you.

he was getting ahead of himself.

it takes everything within him to not proceed and do something to you while in your sleep. his morals along with his sanity were drifting away more and more.

time flies by when you're enjoying yourself, before he knew it he had to leave before the sun raises. forcing himself he does but he also takes like 5 things from you.

"promise i'll return your belongings my love, i just need a little souvenir to help myself with."

the poor thing gets sent into an early heat after that little interaction. he's embarrassed a little but he really needs you, like he really does. and he thinks of ways of introducing himself but... he's a monster, you would run from him and be scared. and when that thought comes to mind it makes him... sad.

"if i'd die that day, i'd never meet her, never be able to see her, but now that i'm alive with the help of the moon goddess, i can't even act normal about her. it's like i'm truly doomed."

this realization was tough. it made him sick to think about. and for a while, he was just okay with sneaking in to see you, and holding your unconscious body but he wanted a lot more, and he wanted your acceptance and love. he wanted you to want him the way he wants you.

it hurt even more when he mistakenly glanced in the mirror only to see a 6 feet tall, half human half hybrid bunny with a deadly eerie looking bloody stare, stare right back at him.

the pale moonlight leaking on him, hitting his skin almost making it look silver.

"she'd surely fear me, she'd run."

he's such a beautiful tragedy. would you be able to appreciate that?

[awfulsprunkis]

AWFUL SPRUNKIS!

Decided to finally give this thing its own blog!

Basic Info:

Awful Sprunkis is a slice of life comedy au about a bunch of losers living in Louisiana. Dunno how else to describe it, lol.

There is no horror mode, no one dies, hooray!

Designs:

Main relationships:

Raddy & Oren: Roommates

Raddy, Oren, Simon, Durple: Friend group

Oren & Pinki: Friends (romantic later on)

Pinki & Vineria: Roommates

Gray & Wenda: Best friends

Other stuff:

Awful Sprunkis is planned to be a comic, but I can’t promise it’ll come out anytime soon.

It’s called “Awful Sprunkis” because it’s a stupid reference to my main username.

This is an assembly cast, so a majority of the characters are pretty important. There is no main character.

Socials:

Main blog: @awfulartists

Twitter: https://x.com/awfulartists?s=21

Insta: https://www.instagram.com/awfulartists_?

That’s all bye drink water drink lots of it

[ask-postcrash-curly]

Anyway. I'm back, had to do some job applications and then do some wedding planning stuff with Daisuke. I really don't care for weddings too much, but between us two (mostly Daisuke) we got a lot of family, most of which is excited for a wedding so. Yeah. Anyway, storytime of how me n Daisuke came to be <3 We met after I saw you off for your last haul. We were both nineteen at the time, and you introduced us. Said you didn't know him well but thought we would make good friends. We talked for a little bit before we decided yeah, why not. We exchanged snaps (dunno if you have something similar in your universe) and omg we instantly hit it off. Talked every day. He told me about how things were going, what was happening on the ship, etc. Apparently one time you (well, my universe you) were leaning against a wall and Daisuke was a tad confused on what you were doing. Turned out you fell asleep, some fucking how. Guess all Curlys are cursed with insomnia. Side note, you once told me as a kid you pretended to be a horse sometimes and would try to fall asleep standing up lol. Anyway yeah, wormhole happens. Daisuke was really shaken up over it and had horrible survivors guilt for a long time and he also closed up a lot. But due to the lawsuit, he had enough money to afford therapy and go to art school like he always wanted to. Before the accident he took a gap year because he felt like he wasn't really sure of anything, but his parents insisted he had to do something with his time other than laze about, so he got the internship and that's how he came to be on the ship in the first place. Then he took another year off between the accident and going to college because he was still hella traumatized. And then he got into art school at 20! (Hooray Daisuke!) Anyway, the school he ended up going to was in my state so started hanging out a lot and ended up dating right after he turned 21. We've been dating since, but he actually accidentally proposed a few months ago and it was really cute lol. We were watching some movie (It was a Japanese horror movie called Kairo. There's an actor in it who looks a lot like Daisuke. (note for mod: That character is who Daisuke is actually based on!)) and Daisuke stood up to used the bathroom and a neat little box tumbled out of his pocket as he did so. He kinda panicked and sorta half yelled "Did you drop this?!" while picking it up and holding it out to me. I tried really, really hard not to laugh but I failed. Daisuke thought I was rejecting him (poor guy) but I just opened the box and put the ring on my ring finger and pulled him into my arms. God, I love him so much. I asked him about it after and he was really embarrassed because he was "waiting for the right moment" and honestly, he could've proposed to me if I was throwing up violently and I still would've said yes. We're gonna combine our last names cuz I wanted to keep mine and Daisuke wanted me to have his. We played rock paper scissors over whose would come first and I won lmao. Some of the lawsuit money is going towards the wedding. (I'll consider it your wedding gift) Anyway, have a song (It's in japanese, I'll turn on the subtitles for you) https://youtu.be/3CXjujyQXbY?si=CAmPmCXuxo3jqSDI -Madz

Hey there, Madz. Nice hearing from you.

Hold on, so in your world you've got live communication with us while we're up here? Brilliant. Have to say, I'm very jealous. Haha. I fell asleep against a wall? Damn. I can't even fall asleep lying down. Some Curlys have all the luck. (Oh. Wait. Nevermind. Sorry.) Hmm... Can't recall if I ever tried that, but I tried a lot of things to fall asleep as a kid so it stands to reason.

Poor kid. He does know it wasn't his fault, yeah? Glad he was able to get help... And art school? Wow. Good for him! Hooray Daisuke!

Accidentally? This I have to hear. Kairo... haven't heard of it. He— "Did you drop this?" Hah! Aw, poor Daisuke. Glad it all worked out. Congrats on the rock paper scissors win too, hah.

Good, good. (Least I can do, hah.) Another song? Let's hear it!

Wow, that's intense. Wasn't expecting such exciting visuals. Not complaining though! It's fun! Thank you very much for it.

[tori-png]

back again :D

i watched a horror movie with my friends (i hate horror) and now i’m feeling really awful ERM…………. but it beats being bored!!! i think!!! yippeeee yippeee hooray -💙

YIPPIEEEE HII:3

OH NOOOOOO😞 I LOVE HORROR MOVIES BUT IM SORRY YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH THAT :(( and yes ofc anything beats being bored!!!!

[knowyourbmovieactors]

OCTOBER HORROR MOVIES 2023 #22 VAMPIRES

In case the title is too vague, this is a vampire film. In case the title card stating "JOHN CARPENTER'S VAMPIRES" is too confusing for you, it was directed by John Carpenter. James Woods plays a deeply unlikeable asshole who alternates between smug smirks and violent outbursts. (It's an acting technique known as "being James Woods.") There's a Baldwin brother with him. (Not the famous one. Not the crazy Christian one. One of the others. Look, I can't be expected to keep track of every Baldwin.) They, along with some other ill-defined manly men hunt vampires for a living, until they are ambushed by a "Master Vampire" who is hunting for an ancient relic that will allow him to survive in the sunlight and take over the world; and if that last part sounds an awful lot like the plot of Blade to you, you're right. It sure does.

This movie was released in 1998, at the tail end of about fifteen years or so when Hollywood was just gaga for vampires. Francis Ford Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula in 1992 was probably the artistic height of this trend, and Interview with the Vampire in 1994 was probably the commercial high water mark; but once Hollywood execs see something make money they keep pressing the same button over and over again like lab rats jonesing for feed pellets. In the rush to snap up every vampire IP they could find, some producer licensed a pulp novel titled Vampire$ (not a typo; it really had that dumb of a name), and John Carpenter--who was seriously considering quitting the film industry at the time--was apparently depressed enough to say "Fuck it, why not? Nothing matters."

This is not John Carpenter's best work. It's deeply derivative of all the vampire movies that were happening during this time. This film wants to present us with a badass, tough-as-nails vampire hunter with a deeply personal vendetta against the bloodsuckers; but James Woods just doesn't have that same cool factor that Wesley Snipes had in Blade (which came out the same year). It wants us to enjoy a western-influenced grindhouse flick with monstrous, inelegant vampires; but it can't cough up the camp and humor of something like From Dusk 'Til Dawn (which came out two years earlier). It wants us to start rooting for some kind of complicated vampires-in-love relationship between whatever the Baldwin brother's character was named and whatever Sheryl Lee's character was named; but it just doesn't have the depth of something like Near Dark (which came out a decade before this film). Anything Carpenter was trying to do with this movie was already done much better by someone else, and there's just not much of Carpenter's inventiveness from his earlier career to be found here. Also, let's spare a sigh for Sheryl Lee (yes, Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks), who spends nearly the entire movie being tied up, beaten, and threatened by our "heroes". Damn, this movie hates women...

However, it turned a nice profit (in fact, it was the very last John Carpenter film to make a profit), so of course it got two crappy direct-to-video sequels; and Carpenter felt encouraged to stay in the film business, which is how we got his next (and worst) film, Ghosts of Mars. Hooray. Everybody wins.

[flowersandbirdsflyingfree]

Could I pretty please get a dude mashup *flutters my eyelashes cutely*

So uhm I’m a woman who is like 5’3 and skinny, I have a fast metabolism so if I eat too fast or too much I feel kinda sick. I dye my hair a darkish red and black, and it’s cut the same as Gerard Way did in around 2004. I wear glasses. I love metal music (black metal & nu metal especially). I have a style that kinda combines goth emo and gothic lolita, I love being cutesy and spooky at the same time. I have ocular migraines frequently. I’m autistic adhd and can tend to be antisocial. Once I’m comfortable with a person I can be loud and goofy and stuff. I tend to be paranoid (thinking people are watching me/out to get me/ect) and i occasionally experience hallucinations (typically auditory but occasionally visual as well). I love doing art and other crafty things. I love horror movies and other creepy stuff. Oh and I’m ace :p

TYYY

It’s no trouble at all! I match you with:

Postal 1 Dude

The Dude is a sex-repulsed ace who rarely falls in love, let alone develops meaningful connections. So you’re the lucky winner who did the impossible! Hooray! Your shared paranoia about others makes him consider you one of the sane ones.

You are so enchanting. Your hair looks really pretty. Your gothic style also compliments you wonderfully, The Dude says you’re a gift wrapped beautifully in a dark ribbon, hiding the surprise

I think you would get him interested into black metal! He would listen to bands like Xasthur, Darkthrone, Bathory, etc. This is one of his favorite songs. The raspy vocals accompanied by a bleak, suffocating atmosphere gives him chills.

Both of you experience hallucinations. The difference is that Dude experiences more visual and tactile hallucinations as well. It can be messy if you guys both experience it at the same time. But Dude would never abandon you through it all. You take on these horrors together. He’ll protect you for as long as you aren’t afraid of him.

If you were getting nervous in public, I can see him hiding you under his trench coat and ushering you from the crowds.

He adores your playful temperament. He just watches you open up when you feel more comfortable. You can see a sense of awe as he looks at you. Expect random kisses planted onto your forehead when the warmth overwhelms his chest.

The only artistic stuff he does is writing and collage art pieces made from magazines/books/other printed stuff. It touches a lot onto horror with how he expresses himself. Share your art with each other!

[greentea-and-honey]

Trick (or should I say Fic) or Treat! 🎃👻🦇 I hope you have a great Halloween, and may you be showered with many spooky boops. 🐾

Hooray, hi bestie!!!!!

Enjoy a cut segment from "and whatever walked there, walked alone". Cut very early in the process of writing when the story was more horror-focused, because I decided I wanted the story to be sweeter. This was unfortunately one of the only segments directly inspired by the book "The Haunting of Hill House", but hey, there's a reason the book is a tragedy and my story was not. The inverse of Stan's chapter was also boring-he just found a door that was inexplicably locked and was annoyed about it for a minute.

Ford woke up to a bang so loud he thought a gun went off next to his head.

He was almost grateful for it, though. Sleeping was a dangerous game that meant horrible, awful things he could never recall bit at the edges of his memory, like the very worst parts of a drug bender. He never had glimpses of Bill's actions before, and he wondered whether it was because he was fighting the possession, or if Bill let him see the hazy images to terrify him. He suspected it was the second one.

Another bang! This one was far easier to find in origin, rattling the door. Ford jumped again, finding his glasses sprawled out on the desk he had been working seemingly moments before. Sleep snuck up on him like a prowling tiger. So did Bill. But Bill was meant to stay locked in his mind. Surely, this wasn't him.

"I'm awake," Ford told himself, doubtful, and in the same moment someone began to pound on the door.

He shouted, gracelessly, and stumbled away, falling to the ground and feeling his back pressed against the wall. "I'm awake!" He protested. "I'm awake!"

The pounding continued, growing louder and rougher, and Ford could see the door straining to hold under it's weak hinges. Whatever was on the other side was damn near breaking down the door.

"I'm awake!" Ford shouted one last time, because that was the most terrifying part. If Bill was doing this, while Ford was hazy but undoubtedly conscious, it meant he had already failed. It meant the end of the world was, quite literally, trying to break down his door. But when he strained his ears, all he heard outside was the winter wind, as unwelcoming as ever.

The pounding continued, and fuck it, Ford was too exhausted, too scared, too everything to try and come up with an escape plan. He doubted it would have worked anyway. He curled up in the corner of the room, humiliated by his own fear, but unable to stop himself. Just make it quick, he thought. Whatever this is, whatever you want, please just make this be over. I don't care how it ends anymore. I just want it to be done.

Ford wasn't sure how long the pounding at the door went on. It stopped eventually, but he was so deep in his panic he never noticed.

He only moved when the sun touched his face, hours upon hours after he had made himself small as he could, cold and white in mid-January.

He wondered if he would live to see the June sun again.

Probably not.

[hell-drabbles]

2 FICS HOORAY !!!! (joyous)

Hooray! I was stuck in a bad slump for a while. The ideas were there, but getting to the actual writing part was difficult, as though there was a physical barrier there. It's awful. Hopefully I can get more out of my brain.

I've binged a number of webcomics, mostly ones that have bad to mediocre plots because those always get my brain churning for ideas. Finished reading 'The Tainted Half' the other day and now I'm writing a Reader Insert for myself on that because I love torturing men that deserve it. Art is real nice. Don't read it for the romance though, it's not good. I read it more for the horror that comes with being the object of carnal desire.

[mcu-multiverse-order-review]

Spider-Man - Season 2 (1968-1969)

Season 1 was mostly campy fun, with a side of awful occasional racism. Season 2 is dull and boring, with a side of sexism. The 60s were truly something. I'm not gonna put a content warning on any specific episode this time, just know that Pete just some rancid incel vibes this season.

MCU connections: None. This season established nothing that ties it into the MCU. 

This season does introduce some key elements to the Spider-Man mythos, specifically Spider-Man’s origin story, the Kingpin, and Captain Stacey.

In all honesty, I thought this season was shit and I really don’t ever wanna watch it again. (That is part of why this “review” took so long to make, I just didn’t really wanna keep watching. And to be honest with you, the only reason I finished it now is because apparently Internet Archive has lost a lawsuit or something, so I reckon don’t have much time left to watch this show, so I better get cracking)

Also something that came to mind after writing all this, this season had a very distinct lack of J. Jonah Jameson and Betty Brant, like they were there occasionally, but not even close to main characters like in Season 1.

As usual, episode breakdowns are below the cut.

I need to watch Season 3 asap.

Episode 21 - “The Origin of Spider-Man”

Bloody hell this episode has a narrator. Anyway, it’s our first Spider-Man origin episode, hooray! We get to watch Pete be a complete twat for a bit and then witness an old man die.

I’ve never understood why Pete’s response to the spider bite is always just “eh, I’ll be fine.” Like, if I were bitten by a spider you can bet your arse I’m down to the hospital. But then again I have heard horror stories of American healthcare, so maybe his response makes sense in the context of New York.

Also what is with Pete’s audio quality this episode? It sounds like the microphone was in a plastic tub while recording his lines.

I don’t usually point out animation errors, because they are plentiful in this series, but how the fuck did they invert the colours on the Spider-Man costume for a couple frames. I genuinely don’t know how you accidentally do that, especially on classic animation, like wasn’t this painstakingly made on film? Or am I understanding classic television animation wrong? Please, you actually know about stuff like this, lemme know, I’m interested.

This episode has much more detailed backgrounds than usual.

The Burglar ran to the ACME warehouse. Fucking Wile E. Coyote killed Uncle Ben.

Ok, not gonna lie, I actually like how they reused the opening theme for when Spidey tracks down the Burglar. It really solidifies how this is the first instance of Spider-Man spider-maning. 

“With great power, there must also come great responsibility.” Surprisingly not said by Uncle Ben, instead by Spider-Man himself after concluding he is responsible for Ben’s death.

Characters Introduced:

Peter Parker / Spider-Man

“Didn’t you already list Spidey from last season?” Yeah, but I’ve decided to re-include him because this was his origin episode. In this episode we see the evolution of nerdy little shit Peter Parker, to wall-crawling superhero Peter Parker.

Benjamin Parker / Uncle Ben

Poor Uncle Ben. He only had one line of dialogue and even with just that he had the vibes of a caring old man. Anyway, as will be established going forward into later series and films, Uncle Ben is one of the most important characters to Spider-Man, as he usually is the one to form Spidey’s moral code.

The Burglar

Unnamed in this continuity. The Burglar is Uncle Ben’s killer. A standard crook, no super powers to see, just a gun. I believe this being Spider-Man’s first antagonist is important as to why he stays a street level hero. No wars, no grand adventure, no supernatural event, just some nameless guy with a gun caused Spider-Man to become the Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man. And I think that’s quite important.

Episode 22 - “King Pinned”

Ooo, another prequel episode, this time showing how Pete got his job at the Daily Bugle.

I’m pretty sure almost everyone got redesigned this episode. Like, Jameson, Betty, and Aunt May all look different from how I remember them looking in season one, almost more detailed. “Didn’t you literally finish season one like a few days ago, how do you not remember the art style?” Easily, I have a shit memory for things that aren’t dinosaurs.

The fuck was with that married couple in the middle of the episode? Was that how the 60s does a side gag? Awful.

Characters Introduced:

Kingpin

Wilson Fisk makes his grand animated debut in this episode. I’m not gonna lie, I do like how this episode confirms Kingpin as Spider-Man’s first big bad.

Episode 23 - “Swing City”

So, does anyone else get the ick from shows or movies that show a character fantasising about a person they have a crush on? Like, I think it’s supposed to be cute or relatable, but I honestly just find it cringe and creepy.

And here we go again with Spider-Manning stopping Pete from getting to a date on time.

So this episode features an original villain pulling a page from Ultron’s playbook and raises the entirety of Manhattan into the sky. 

And the episode ends with Pete being sexist. I hate that I’m just really not surprised. Classic Peter Parker always did have incel vibes.

Episode 24 - “Criminals in the Clouds”

Starting again with a narrator, this episode continues to show how much of a prick Peter can be. Off the bat, he’s judging people, being sexist, and generally a selfish twat. I mean at least Pete’s selfishness always ends up biting him in the arse, but still, it’d be nice to actually have a likeable protagonist.

Also everyone left on that blimp absolutely died, right?

Episode 25 - “Menace from the Bottom of the World”

So that cutaway gag couple are back, why do I get the feeling they’re gonna be recurring, they ain’t even funny.

The fuck was up with the underground giant bird. Like, what the fuck is that even supposed to be? Archaeopteryx?

Not gonna lie, I am starting to feel much less engaged with these now. I think where they’ve dulled down the colour palette and put more of a focus on Peter’s bullshitery than Spider-Man’s escapades, the show just feels more moody, and honestly, boring.

Because every episode is a full 20 minutes instead of 2 ten minute stories, I’ve noticed a lot more filler. Usually in the form of minutes worth of just Spidey swinging with the backgrounds changing and music overlaid. I am so glad internet archive allows me to speed up the playback speed, because this is so fucking boring.

So far this season, with the exceptions of the Burglar and the Kingpin, every villain has been green. Why?

Episode 26 - “Diamond Dust”

A guy screaming, pretending to be a gorilla. That is all.

Episode 27 - “Spider-Man Battles the Molemen”

This is just episode 25 again, but why?

Alright, I stand corrected, Pete has been attacked by literal goblins. (🤓☝️”Erm ackshually, the Marvel wiki lists them as trolls”, nah, those are goblins, trolls are bigger) Hold the fucking phone, Pete just called them elves… My point is just this show high on something, and I just ain’t vibing with it.

Episode 28 - “Phantom from the Depths of Time”

Some big arse bugs kidnapped a load of people and Spidey stole a jet. Just the average day in New York. Despite so much weird shit going on in this episode, I really just don’t have anything to say. Actually, no, I’m gonna point out that this the only episode I’ve seen with like a “next week” type catch at the end, except the episode that its says is next is “Revolt in the Fifth Dimension”, but according to official episode listings that episode doesn’t come until season 3… I’m just confused now.

Episode 29 - “The Evil Sorcerer”

Ok, so first of all ancient wizards and shit is not what I expected with this series. Secondly, Peter you little shit, did you just call archeology dull? I actually fucking hate this man, he’s such a cunt.

Episode 30 - “Vine”

Time to be a fucking nerd. The time travel aspect of this episode takes Pete back 3 million years, this would place him in the Piacenzian age, the last stage of the Miocene epoch. Now I’m not exactly an expert of the Cenozoic, I personally spend more time researching the mesozoic, but what I can see from a very quick bit of research, the Piacenzian was a warm moment before the Ice Age began. All that to say 3 mya (million years ago) was a world dominated by mammalian megafauna, this would not include the giant lizard or bugs that attack Spider-Man.

Humorously, the Marvel wiki actually lists the time wrong for this episode, saying they travelled back 300 million years, this would place them at the very end of the Carboniferous period. You could claim it would look more accurate to the backgrounds, but even still giant lizards were not part of that ecosystem, but the giant bugs would be more fitting.

Episode 31 - “Pardo Presents”

Amazingly this episode shows Pete disappear from a date (technically) and he doesn’t get slapped for it at the end.

Episode 32 - “Cloud City of Gold”

Why do the bats have tails? Bat don’t have tails. This bothers me immensely. So I’m not exactly knowledgeable about bats, but I’m pretty sure it’s not vampire bats that use echolocation. I could be wrong, so this is another case of if you know anything about bats, please let me know if Pete’s whistling would fuck up a vampire bat. I’m aware that this episode is a city of gold type thing and I’m more focused on bats, but I’m trying to distract myself from the shit accents and fact that a fucking conquistador is the ruler of the city. Am I going to call the episode racist? No, I’m just not thrilled about a conquistador doing what they do, subjecting and tormenting, it’s not great vibes. At least Pete isn’t being racist here. Episode 9a did some serious fucking damage to my opinion of the character.

Also the golden eagle being made out of solid gold, Pete’s all like “I can’t do anything, it’s made of solid gold”, bitch it’s gold and your Spider-Man, that shit should bend like clay to him.

Episode 33 - “Neptune’s Nose Cone”

JJJ now owns a pet flying snake. That is all.

Episode 34 - “Home”

This episode features some 60s vibing. Groovy.

Other than that, the dialogue feels even more stilted than usual. Especially Pete crushing on Carol and that twat leader bitching about rules.

Also Pete’s a moron in this episode, basically talking about how he’s Spider-Man out loud. Like, seriously, he ain’t even quiet, how has noone caught onto this man yet?

Episode 35 - “Blotto”

OH NO! Watch out! It's Clive!

How horrifying!

Anyway, this show reuses so much animation is honestly distracting, but this episode in particular reused animation from itself, multiple times. I genuinely can’t tell if this was solely from the low budget or pure laziness.

Episode 36 - “Thunder Rumble”

So one of the villains of this episode is basically just a dickhead that looks like Odin, works for the Roman God of War, and has the powers of Thor, he even has Mjölnir. I’m not marking this as Thor’s first appearance, I just thought this was something of note.

Episode 37 - “Spider-Man Meets Skyboy”

Ah yes. The old trope of heroes fighting each other before realising they have a common enemy. What fun. 

Ok, but seriously how didn’t Spidey recognise Skyboy until after the helmet was removed? It doesn’t exactly cover his face.

Episode 38 - “Cold Storage”

Spider-Man got a bit chilly in this episode.

Episode 39 - “To Cage a Spider”

Off the bat, this episode establishes a couple things, one the general public of New York really hate Spider-Man. I guess they’ve been consuming too much of Jameson’s drivel. And secondly, I am genuinely surprised to see Captain Stacy defending Spider-Man’s right to privacy and not taking his mask off.

Characters Introduced:

Captain Stacy

So, officially Captain Stacy’s name in this continuity is Ned Stacy, but let’s be real here, he’s Captain George Stacy, father of Gwen Stacy. You might know who she is.

Honestly I’m just happy this season actually managed to introduce another important character right before it ends.

[flowerslut]

I’m loving the first two chapters of Roots and the ending of the first chapter got me thinking (love the exploration of Renesmee with J&A)…do you think Jasper would ever teach Renesmee how to fight? I feel like B&E would be so against it but I could see Renesmee eventually persuading him to teach her a thing or two…not that she��d need to fight with 8 vampires & friends willing to protect her.

aw thank you! I'm glad that you (and a handful of other darling people) have been so enthusiastic about this project. it means a lot!!!

oh man, where to begin with canon!Renesmee. that girl is going to be spoiled rotten and have So Many Problems. I could talk for HOURS about Renesmee and the potential that her character has. *slaps roof of hybrid vampire* you can fit so much trauma and unexplored horror in this bad boy. but to keep this response (relatively) short, do I think Renesmee would ever be allowed to fight? funny enough, I think the real question here is: do I think Edward would ever allow anyone to teach Renesmee to fight?

Edward just went from the center of his existence (Bella) being human (meaning fragile and always one hair's breadth away from death) to having her become a vampire, which hooray! this should fix so many of his problems! now he won't be ranting to Emmett on hunting trips about the dangers of asbestos and vending machine mortality rates! big news for Edward's siblings! but color me skeptical: you know damn well a lot of that paranoid, asshole-ish, overprotective energy is going to end up shifted onto this poor kid.

I think that learning to fight is something that Renesmee has to both want and then actively seek out. so when she goes to her dad and is like "teach me to throw a punch just in case the people who tried to kill me and our whole family when I was little come back" Edward's going to go into Meltdown Mode and tell her absolutely not. Renesmee is the specialest girl in the whole wide world she is not allowed to fight her own battles! (*cue my HC that Renesmee has a legendarily messy adolescence*) but like, this spoiled kid isn't being told "no," so you know damn well she isn't going to take that as an answer

it doesn't even need to be Jasper but I'm sure that eventually she would corner Jasper or Emmett or even Alice and be like "for the love of god just teach me basic self-defense or SOMETHING." I'm sure she could even convince Rosalie with the old "dad said no but also he's not the boss of you, right? 🥺"

but I agree! it's not something that I can see the Cullens teaching her on their own volition (after all, they all seem to be in agreement that Renesmee is the specialest girl in the whole world thanks to her inherited-from-grandma special narcissism powers) but I'm sure she'll corner one of them at some point and be like "help me piss off my dad" and they're like lmfao yes bitch let's teach you how to knock some teeth out!

[stefankarlfanblog]

Robin Hood (1990)

Article written for Æskan by Eiríkur Smári on the 1st of Feburary 1990 about the play Hroi Höttur AKA Robin Hood: https://timarit.is/page/4638027

The play about Robin Hood is "on the board" in Bœjarbíó in Hafnarfjörður. You no doubt know the story of Robin Hood, and that's why we won't talk about the plot, but we will publish a humorous account by Eiríkur Smári (who actually plays Robin Hood) of speculations about which play should be chosen and how the idea was born…

Maríon watches in horror as Little Jon fights an entire army. (Stefán Karl is the one standing closest to Maríon)

Once last winter, some cheerful members of the theater company in Hafnarfjörður sat in a restaurant and discussed the matter… That is to say, they each discussed the issues with themselves in silence. They sat anyway and thought:

"What play shall we put on?" Then they took a sip of coffee and continued to think: "What play shall we put on next winter?" This situation lasted for a long time or until one of them had a great idea, an incredibly good idea, so good that he blurted out something that no one understood because his mouth was full of coffee that froze over everyone present.

He also stood up so quickly and violently that he overturned his chair, with the result that a waiter, who was passing by with five bowls of soup in each hand, flew onto his head and the soup splashed over most of the bystanders. And he didn't stop there. The table at which the friends were sitting was overturned, the coffee pot broke and everyone was drenched in coffee and sugar and soup and cream. The tableware was scattered in incredibly small pieces. Everyone was dripping wet and disgusting except the one who caused the mess.

He stood there, clean and fine, yelling, “I know, I know!” over and over again. "What do you know?" asked the chorus. "It´s incredibly great, major," he said, looking with a wry smile at the servant who was crawling to his feet in all the mess. "You think so, yes?" said the servant, "then you will also have to pay for all of this." And he did not let the words sit empty, but took his wallet from him, snatched the money from it and said: "That's enough."

Robin aiming his bow often before and after.

Then he threw all the comrades out on the street without asking any further details. As they lay on the pavement astonished at their friend's activity, they asked, "What is it that you know that is so important?" "I know what play we are putting on next winter," he said.

They were so excited that they pressed as close to him as they could (actually they didn't get any closer, but they tried anyway) and asked one another in a race: "What - what? - what?"

He barely managed to groan: "We're putting on a play about Robin Hood and his merry warriors." They all froze in awe at this brilliant idea. The silence then burst into a great yippe and Robin Hooray.

It was the best idea they had ever heard, the very best idea that had ever come to the world. When they calmed down a little, they brushed off most of the dirt and strolled to the next restaurant and talked more about Robin Hood. They became more convinced and decided to start right away.

The sheriff gets hysterical when Robin says that Maríon is prettier than her.

The next day they contacted Guðjón Sigvaldason and got him to write a play because they wanted a completely new and good play.

When they met Guðjón, they liked him so much that they decided to hire him as a director as well. Guðjón got a lot of books about Robin Hood and his merry warriors and went out into the countryside to read and write.

They heard nothing from him for many months or until last fall when he suddenly came to visit, healthy and with a full beard, and actually looked like any other farmer. They didn't know what was going on and thought he was confused. However, it was not so. He tossed a pile of crumpled papers at them and said:

"I'm ready for the tussle."

They didn't like his appearance and told him to go back to eating hamburgers and staying up all night because they didn't want such a healthy director. "Come back at Christmas," they said, and kicked him out.

He came back at Christmas, a completely different man, and they said to him, "This is a great play and we want you to start right away." And he did.

Now, a year after this story began, the play has come to the mountains in Bœjarbíó in Hafnarfjörður, and Guðjón has started to grow his beard again. "It's much more fun to be healthy and bearded," he said after the premiere and went out into the countryside.

Robin and friar Tuck fight to the death.

These days the cast members are very happy with the play about Robin Hood and want the whole world to come and see it. They really think it's the best play in the world.

But there is another problem that they don't know how to solve. They sit every day in restaurants and think and pour coffee and sauces and push tableware, but nothing happens. They are struggling to find a play that they can put on next winter, and now they will soon be thrown out of all the restaurants in the country…

Eiríkur Smári.

[beckyh2112]

Chat Snippets, part 2

[Luna]: I think the men in chat wish to change the subject away from detachable cocks.

[Bex]: I get so wrapped up in Civilization! [Luna]: Write fanfic about it. [Bex]: It's not really a fanfic kind of game. [Luna]: Becca. Slash me trebuchets with monotheism.

[Bex]: Plants have been cruelly ripped from their habitat. [Pux]: Hooray weeding!

[Charles]: and then a guy cosplaying as Creepy Drunk came over [Charles]: (okay, no he wasn't cosplaying) [Charles]: it was one of those "Save us, Slenderman!" moments

[Jess]: Also, the title of the biography is, "All In," but Jezebel reports that all of the All In Jokes have been made and there are no more ones to make. [Sam]: Aw. [Sam]: But we have HAZE here. [Sam]: They won't BELIEVE the puns we can make now! [Sam]: Like a vast predatory punbird! [Jess]: Oh, jeebus, are we combining Furmanism with the Petraus case with sex puns? [Sam]: It is too late to stop now. We're commited. We've gone . . . All In. [Sam]: *Sunglasses*

[Bex]: http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3ojy62eBc1qcddvlo1_500.jpg -- On the one hand, Beyonce can pull this off. On the other hand, I wish this wasn't the third or fourth dress with Muppets attacking their feet. [Liona]: Hahaha. XD [Luna]: Beyonce does have superior Muppets. [Luna]: That a gradual gradient of Muppets, rather than surprise attack Muppets.

[Pux]: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1qfik6fWu1qc0hijo1_500.jpg Let us take a moment to consider this tombstone. [Bex]: Damn, he lived a good long life. [Pux]: He did. [Pux]: Killing bears. [Bex]: Yup. [Pux]: He had 99 problems. [Pux]: Every one of them was a bear.

[Bex]: Time to shower before I forget. [Kep]: go! clean thyself! do you want people thinking you are from KENT?! [Bex]: Egads! Horrors no! [Kep]: Are you clean? Do you look like a vagabond jazz singer from Kent?! Because if you do, BACK TO THE SHOWERS MISSY!

[Bex]: I know, I am sure Dallas has stores too, but it's easier for my sanity if I just carry everything. There is less flailing involved. >_> [Kep]: I understand; when we went to Vegas, I packed Twizzlers just in case.

[Bex]: S-E-C! We may not be that good with anything else, but damn, we can play football. [Ryuu]: Well, you know why? [Ryuu]: Because southerners lost The War and we're determined to never lose anything else ever again.

[Bex]: I will never understand the design choices that led to the AT-AT. [Luna]: Rampant government corruptions.

[Bex]: Three super-powered cops that don't know the others are super-powered. (Admittedly, Petunia doesn't know she's super-powered, so it'd be hard for Hollister and Esprit to find out.) [Bex]: One's a supervillain, one's a superhero, and one's an amnesiac with no ID. [Bex]: Trust me, it'd make a great comic book. [Sam]: . .. Yes. That would make a GREAT comic book. [Tai]: Together, they fight crime. Really.

[Scott]: Sam, what did I tell the last time you chewed on the power cables? [Sam]: That my Mynock impression is the best you have ever seen? [Scott]: Well, sure, but the next thing I told you. [Sam]: I am handsome and sexy and if you were into dudes you would consider divorcing your wife for me? [Scott]: …the next thing I told you that you swore you wouldn't repeat to anyone else. [Sam]: Listen, this is how I remember it.

[Bex]: I see their jeeps are made of gasoline. [Kep]: *nods* Yeahhh, the Jeep Petrolsplode had a lot of problems…

[Bex]: Though nothing will drive me madder than not being able to save where I want. [Scott]: *saves conversation right now* [Bex]: Miw? [Liona]: I like the Cracked argument that there's no reason for modern games not to let you save where you want to. [Scott]: Well obviously you're just uesless at the game and there's something wrong with you. [Scott]: ...wait. [Scott]: *reloads from save state* I totally agree with you, Becca.

[Bex]: "a tank adapted for heavy mining and demolition work" -- what? why would you do that? [Luna]: Governmental corruption. [Bex]: I will continue to accept this answer.

[Bex]: How does NaNoWriMo compare to real writing? Well, you know, "real" writers sit down and put words on the page. Whereas those wacky NaNoWriMo folks are all about sitting down and putting words on pages. How could you possibly compare the two? [Spyri]: For serious. [Spyri]: I mean, who would think people attempt to throw words at a page? [Bex]: Communists? [Spyri]: FILTHY COMMUNISTS. [Bex]: 644/1500 [words written] [Spyri]: Go communist scum!

[Jess]: The current plot is named, 'Refresh Everything.' I had no idea that's actually Pepsi's current slogan. It's… kind of an omnious slogan, really. [Scott]: I hear "Purge the old ways for the new order" didn't do well in focus groups.

[Charles]: "Rayford wanted to argue, but he wondered at the advisability of doing what Bruce Barnes would call "witnessing" to the Antichrist." [Charles]: imagine how badass you'd be thought of if you TRIED TO CONVERT THE ANTICHRIST [Bex]: … Indeed. [Charles]: man, imagine if you actually pulled it off. That'd be a coup. Then Satan himself is the next logical step [Charles]: but Catholics shouldn't do that. Some poor bastard would have to hear Satan's confession. [Charles]: They'd have to pull shifts and gets meals in

[Bex]: http://sharpwriter.deviantart.com/art/Pascal-174420351 [Scott]: What is wrong with you, first commenter? [Scott]: Cyborg Obama would be RAD. [Bex]: I know! [Bex]: I was disappointed when I realized it wasn't Cyborg Obama. [Scott]: Imagine the leaders debates. [Scott]: White Middle Aged Guy: Basically I hate people who don't look like me, don't like the same gender as me or have less money than me so I want to have all their money because this is America. [Scott]: Cyborg Obama: Eye Laser Activate. *BZARP*

[Tai]: WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME CHOCOLATE AND RICOTTA WERE THIS GOOD TOGETHER [Cyn]: *peers at Tai* [Cyn]: where did you get this? [Sam]: She knows. Signal Charlie team to take the shot. The conspiracy must be protected. [Tai]: Vito's. >_> [Sam]: SHE KNOWS ABOUT VITO'S! [Tai]: Damn right I do.

[Charles]: and Indian Space Research Organisation chief says "Indians should be proud of the fact that the Chandrayaan enabled the discovery of water on the Moon." [Charles]: he's probably also thinking "thank fuck, cos it was a bit embarrassing that we lost the probe one year early" [Charles]: if other missions are like this, I hope to see a report from India that their first manned mission crashed, but the four astronauts have been given fantastic powers by cosmic rays

[Luna]: Lady who hates slash draws slash because she hates slash and dude who hates slash goes off about how he hates slash. [Bex]: Shall we burn them, bury them, or eat them? [Luna]: All of the above. [Bex]: In that order? [Luna]: It'll be like thousand year eggs.

[Bex]: … also, who puts a dinosaur-infested island in an area prone to tropical storms and hurricanes? [Luna]: Big corporation corruption!

[Charles]: one of the guys in my IT course is a former soldier. He talked a bit about serving in Afghanistan, and mentioned the US Army in glowing terms. Those specific terms where "they're almost as good as us", completely seriously as if the concept of being as good as the British Army was obviously impossible

[Haze]: Vaguely related - "I ship that like a FedEx sorting center".

[Bex]: "Who kills a Selkie, and doesn't take his skin?" [Spyri]: That's… I don't know why I find that so awful. D: [Bex]: *cuddles* [Spyri]: Poor, poor selkie. [Spyri]: You're supposed to take the skin and force it into cohabitation with you. *Eyes Ozai/Selkie!Bato.* Not kill a selkie. D:

[Charles]: "'Why wouldn’t I write speculative fiction? What genre could be better for depicting the ways in which society can change and improve in the future? Or exploring the past through myth and folklore and the epic events of history, reworked into modern entertainment? Speculative fiction has a powerful influence on society. It depicts dreams and nightmares; it has the power to caution and inspire. I can’t think of a more challenging, exciting genre to write,' " - see, that's someone who thinks about stuff [Bex]: Yes. [Charles]: they've got thoughts and logic. I just think stuff like "DUUUUUDE, wouldn't it be AWESOME if big robots landed in Warsaw!" when I think about writing [Charles]: PS it would not be for Warsaw

[Ravyn]: holy crap, I actually got a male whiptail… *thuds* [Tai]: wewt [DE]: Okay, I'm guessing pixel pets, not someone mailing you a lizard…. [Luna]: Awww. [Liona]: Hey, I'll have you know that the Random Mail-Order Lizard Enterprise is a highly successful business. [Luna]: I wish to be randomly mailled lizards. [Tai]: No lizards here, only dragons. [Liona]: Well, just fill out this form, and you, too, can be mailed random lizards at random! When will you receive them? What will you receive? How many? Not even we know! [Kenya]: *wants a bearded dragon* [Liona]: All shipments overseen by random number generating robot. [Luna]: :D [Liona]: Random Lizard Care Pack appropriate to your particular randomly selected lizard available for a small extra fee. [DE]: Google live lizards mail order. You can get mail-ordered lizards. [Luna]: But they aren't /random/. [Bex]: But are they random mail-ordered lizards? [Liona]: If randomly selected lizard is actually another reptile, you may return it to your local RMOLE Depot. Please resist flushing crocodiles or alligators down the toilet. [Tai]: Don't flush the caimans, either. [Liona]: If randomly selected lizard is actually a tarantula, you may request a full refund and a free complimentary lizard of your choice. [Tai]: *snerk* [Liona]: Okay, I'm done. XD; [Liona]: >_> If lizard is actually of alien origin, we apologize for the inconvenience when men in black suits invade your property and confiscate your new pet.

[drumpfwatch]

The Extreme Court

0. Introduction

One of the clearest symbols of Republican hypocrisy and callousness is the actions of Mitch McConnell in regards to the Supreme Court. By holding Neil Gosurch and dozens, maybe hundreds of other officials from their positions by stomping like a baby about how it was too late a year beforehand, and then shotgunning every potential Justice Trump appointed up until the last possible second, a clear pattern emerged. McConnell - and the Republican Party - do not care about the people of this country. They care about their team winning. Argue all you want about how “both sides are bad,” this level of absolute disrespect for the political process of our country keeps showing up only on their side. And as a result of this absolutely heinous behavior, we now have a Supreme Court stacked with Trump’s goons.

Yes, see, President Trump got to appoint a full third of the Supreme Court during his presidency thanks to the bullshit stunts of Mitch McConnel. He has more justices on the court then any other president at the moment, and for all the decisions I’m about to talk about all three of them voted to see the damage done. This is his court. I could go full tin foil and start pointing out how the other justices, say, Clarence Thomas, also have financial ties to Trump (via a Nazi in one case, funnily enough), but those haven’t been investigated enough for me to make full comment on one way or the other. What matters is everyone should know by now that Trump doesn’t pick effective people, he picks loyal ones. And with a full third of the court in his pocket, all he needs is two more of them to agree to get what he wants. Not that tall an ask, especially when one of them is already a die hard fanatic for you and the other is known to be easily bribable.

This is Trump’s Supreme Court, courtesy of Mitch McConnel. They may be a different entity, but he gave its rotten parts the chance to thrive. Besides, if you steal seats from other presidents it’s only fair you get blamed for what happens. 

And what has happened? What changes have the now conservative majority made to our country? They've chipped away at our democracy, chipped away at our rights, and laid the groundwork for even worse horrors. This isn’t some liberal conspiracy theory touted by leftist commentators to get the lefties riled up. This stuff has already happened, will probably only get worse, and has the Founding Fathers individually spinning in their graves with enough force to power the Eastern seaboard for a week. 

Let’s just start with the big one. The one that laid turned the President of the United States into a dictator, specifically for the dictatorship Trump wants. The Supreme Court’s ruling in Trump v United States.

1.0 Trump v United States

There are two major problems with this decision. The first is the biggest part of it - the fact that “core acts” are immune to prosecution. This is now true for all Presidents going forward, and for Biden right now. Any President can now do some awful things without consequence, and no President, not even George Washington, deserves that power. That was sort of the whole point of our revolution.

Let’s explore the consequences of this decision through Trump’s own example. 

1.1 Let’s Kill a Man

He once joked he could shoot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue and get away with it. So let’s pretend he did. Let’s pretend he shoots Joe Biden. In this new world created by the Supreme Court, that is still a crime for which he can be prosecuted - contrary to the opinion of some leftist commentators. He can be arrested, tried, and found guilty of this act and put in prison for it. This falls outside of the bounds of his power as executive, and is in no way part of the needs of executing his office, so it is a crime. Hooray!

However, pardoning people does fall within his power as the executive. So he could pardon himself for the act. Given the nature of the pardon, he could even preemptively pardon himself. Imagine seeing that on the news - Trump pardons himself for the murder of Former President Biden that he will commit “within the next two weeks”. Because that is his exclusive right as President, he can do that. Hell, the pardon power can be so broadly applied that he can preemptively pardon himself for any and all crimes he ever commits for any reason, and now, he cannot be held to answer for it - or those crimes, what with the fact that he’s pardoned. A reminder that legally speaking, the process of the pardon implies the President is a judge in the case - in this case, the judge of his own case.  Anywhere else, that is considered unethically unacceptable. But not for the President. Not anymore.

Further, it would be safer for the President to not even shoot the guy himself. In his role as Commander in Chief of the United States Armed Forces, he could simply order any soldier to do it for him. He could even delightedly declare that he did it because Joe was his former political rival and he just wanted to kill him, motive doesn’t matter. Trump can just do that, and that’s fine, because as President he has the exclusive right to command the military however most appeals to him, now without consequence.

Ah, but what if the soldier in question remembers the Nuremberg trials and says he won’t do it? That’s fine, Trump can find someone else. And then he can put the full weight of the Department of Justice into fabricating evidence for a loaded court that gets paid off to find the dissenter guilty of whatever crime most appeals to him. Again, as the head of the executive branch, that is his right, and now his unquestionable, protected right. He is above the law. Just like a King.

1.2 The President is a King

That’s right. Any president can now run a sham trial against anyone, including their political rivals, and because the power as chief criminal judge grants them immunity from any acts they commit in the process of that, including obviously illegal and unconstitutional ones, they can do whatever they want. That one should be the absolute scariest of all to everyone. Again, our country was sort of built on that idea. Even if you somehow, someway, believe Trump won’t abuse this power, what about the next President? Would you be okay with Bernie Sanders framing Elon Musk for murder just because he’s rich and Bernie doesn’t like that? I’ll admit that while emotionally I’d be highly amused by that I would still strongly and emphatically object because everyone deserves their day in court. The Rule of Law is one of the most important parts of the social contract, and I abhor its violation even if it’s for my benefit. 

This power is the kind of power that only exists to be abused. Everyone of the six justices who joined this decision should be fucking ashamed of what they’ve done. 

Actually, that’s a good question. If every single jurist with a brain has objected to this, why did 6 of the (supposedly) best jurists in the land sign off on it? Honestly, I could speculate, but I’m afraid few of those speculations are very kind. I don’t make a habit of ascribing motivations to people when I’m not positive about it, especially when I instinctively dislike some of those people. Besides, the color of their souls is up to them, at the end of the day. The thing is, it doesn’t matter. Maybe every single one of them genuinely believes that the executive would be severely impeded by being held accountable for even the most heinous abuses of power, even after they were no longer the executive. The problem is that regardless of their desire, the consequences are terrible. The words say that the President can use the “core official” powers of their office to do whatever they want, whyever they want, and Americans can’t do anything about it. It then goes on to state that those “core official acts” explicitly include their control of the military, their pardon power, their position as head of the DoJ, their right to hire staff under them, the veto power and pretty much everything else almost 250 years of precedent and law have given them the authority to do. Those words have meaning - and that meaning is that the President, at least in his position as executive, is above the law. I know I’m sort of repeating this, but it is absolutely imperative that this be understood.

1.3 It Gets Worse

So, this is, y’know, bad. Really bad. But it only gets worse from here. The second major nightmare with this decision is how the court defines the three categories it constructed - official core acts, official non-core acts, and unofficial acts. While it goes out of its way to enumerate what the “core official” acts are, it’s actually very vague about what constitutes an unofficial act. The Majority opinion only talks about how “this can be difficult to determine,” sighting examples like when the President speaks on behalf of the American people (which is not listed as one of his powers in the Constitution) being an official act, before concluding “For those reasons, the immunity we have recognized extends to the “outer perimeter” of the President’s official responsibilities, covering actions so long as they are “not manifestly or palpably beyond [his] authority.” (page 25)” Which is a definition so broad, you can drive an oil tanker through it, port-side first. It basically translates to “if the president doesn’t have the explicit authority to do it, then it isn’t protected.”

That’s bad enough, but the true problem with that little nugget doesn’t come until you see that the decision also says that official acts cannot be used as evidence in prosecutions. This is a decision so insane that even Amy Coney-Barret objected to it in her concurrence. Going back to our hypothetical from earlier, imagine if we got a recording of Trump in the first scenario, where he did it himself, discussing his plan and specific motive to kill Biden in vivid detail to J. D. Vance. Because of this decision, it could easily be argued that this conversation took place within the sphere of his presidential duties and is therefore inadmissible as evidence.

But it gets worse. See, the Majority Opinion also states that motive cannot be used to determine if an action was official or unofficial. 

It’s funny. When I first heard about this decision, I was sure that motive was going to be what they used to not let this break the entire country. “But when Trump ordered that crowd of peaceful protesters drone striked, he was convinced they were a threat to democracy! His motives were to protect the people,” they’d argue. And since that could be a very difficult thing to prove, especially for a man like Trump, they could loophole his way out of consequences without letting anyone else do the same. But no. They explicitly killed that idea, for whatever reason.

And it gets. Even. Worse.  “Nor,” it continues, “may courts deem an action unofficial merely because it allegedly violates a generally applicable law. (page 26)” This makes it explicit. Murder is not illegal. Perjury is not illegal. Corrupt acts are not illegal. If the President does it, then it is not illegal. If the justices hadn’t had said that, then whether or not a president could Seal Team 6 a political rival is something that could later be sorted out in the courts, as a lot of the vagaries of this decision will be. But there’s no alternate interpretation of those words.

So how do you do it? How do you differentiate unofficial acts from official acts? The Majority of the Supreme Court answers that question with a big fat shrug emoji ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. 

So yeah, Trump - or any President - can kinda do whatever he wants, as long as he does it “as the president”. And what “as the president” means…well, until the specifics of that little chestnut get hammered out in further litigation, we’re stuck with…

1.4 The Vagaries

The last, surprise nightmare of this decision is that because the only thing the justices decided to really define were core official acts, we have no idea where anything else can fall. The definitions are so broad as to be meaningless. For instance, those who are familiar with the decision might be saying “But what about how non-core actions have presumptive immunity? That means that if you can prove they weren’t done as the executive they can still be used to prosecute and as evidence?” Well the problem there is the line between non-core and core acts is also poorly defined. “At a minimum, the President must therefore be immune from prosecution for an official act unless the Government can show that applying a criminal prohibition to that act would pose no “dangers of intrusion on the authority and functions of the Executive Branch.” (page 22)” which is, again, stupidly broad. What could be perceived as a danger - not a reasonable assumption of danger, just flat out a danger? By whom? I know someone who perceives games of rock-paper-scissors as a threat, you don’t think evil people are going to use that sort of language to twist out whatever bullshit excuse they need? “Sorry guys, the Muslims make me uncomfortable with all their suicide bombing, so I need to use the Alien Enemies Act to reopen the Japanese internment camps and stick them in there or I can’t do my job.” Being criticized by the people for corrupt acts, that certainly creates an impediment to the “vigor of the executive” because committing war crimes is easier if you won’t be held accountable. What about the cases where the separation of powers already limits the power of the executive? Should those no longer count, those certainly hamper the executive? These questions are going to be sorted out by lower courts and we don’t know what the answers will be. Worst case scenario, these broad definitions will be made even broader, and nothing a President does will be considered an unofficial act. In our hypothetical, Trump could argue in that first scenario that he shot Biden as a matter of state defense, thus making it an action as Commander in Chief, and therefore protected. Would the jury buy that? Would the Supreme Court? Because at this point that is a legitimate question that could come before a jury and if the answer to that question is yes then Trump really can just shoot anyone he wants, for any reason he wants, and be legally immune from the murder charge - all he has to do is say that the person being alive made him less willing to do his job. I don’t think that’s going to happen - I pray to Athena it won’t - but the point is that it is now, officially, on the table and until this ruling gets overturned it will remain there. 

In the interests of fairness, the best case scenario is that everyone just sort of pretends this ruling never happened and carries on as if it doesn’t exist, killing it. Which actually isn’t impossible. There are all sorts of precedents and laws that are no longer considered binding even though they were never directly stricken because people didn’t care enough to enforce them. And while I am delighted by the possibility, until the current Supreme Court loses the festering rot that caused this, I don’t exactly have high hopes for that. Especially since Trump is already doing his best to apply it to every action he ever took - which, as we established, it doesn’t. At least, not yet anyway. Even if every other judge on every other circuit ignores it, as soon as it gets to the Supreme Court, they’ll likely stand by their incredibly foolish decision (especially if Trump gets re-elected) and they have the final say. 

Trump and McConnell built this court. This is their fault. And this isn’t the only terrible thing his court has done.

2.0 Other Terrible Things The Court Has Done

I think anyone with a brain who fully understands the weight of what the Court has done can see Trump v US for the mockery of our democracy that it is. The few legal scholars who think this decision is okay have been filling the air with their counter arguments, which lets Fox News and friends make apathy gas out of the situation. But for some weird reason that I can’t possibly say (without potentially making myself liable for libel) every one of them are either people who Trump has worked with or who support him fanatically. While conservative commentators have openly raged at this, I have yet to see an actual liberal one argue its legitimacy. In a sane world, that’d be enough. But this isn’t a sane world. This is a world where an entire major news network was so used to getting away with bullshit that they trusted Sydney Powell (and her ghosts) with her version of the Big Lie. And they know they were lying because the minute the company they blamed for it called them out and got the receipts, Fox immediately settled for over a quarter of a BILLION dollars.

 That said, the well is already poisoned here. So there are a few decisions I’d like to talk about because they don’t have the…knee-jerk reaction that this one might, while still providing evidence for my point. I think the actual effects of what they’ve done are worth panicking knowing about. 

2.1 The Death of Chevron Deference

Chevron deference is a kind of esoteric legal tool. It’s complicated to explain, but the gist is this: when an issue comes before a court in regards to the workings of one of the executive offices - say, the EPA - if the matter is too complex for people who don’t have training in the field to determine the right answer, then the courts leave that decision in the hands of the organization and its staff - experts employed by the state for this exact sort of thing. Matters that Chevron had decided include “what counts as a protein?”, “what makes a species of squirrel distinct from another for the sake of the EPA?” and “what amount of human-produced noise might harm an ecosystem?”.

The concept is that while a general laity is equipped to decide matters of fact, scientific fact is in particular difficult to educate a lay person about. Further, some of these questions may not even have “answers” in a traditional sense. For instance, my interest in biology has taught me that the higher taxonomic grades like phylum, class, order, and even genus are all physically non-existent, only meaningful as sign posts to help guide us along the trajectory of a given lifeform’s evolution. The only one that has an actual definition is species, and we silently throw it out as soon as the gradations of biology make it apparent that trying to stick everything into convenient little boxes just isn’t how nature really works. How are you supposed to make an ironclad legal decision about those boxes when the boxes don’t even actually exist?

Chevron deference said you don’t. You hand that over to the experts who know what they’re talking about, and let them figure it out. If it could be shown that the law isn’t doing what it’s supposed to in an objective way, sure, get rid of it. But otherwise leave that sort of minutia to the professionals. But now, with it no longer the law of the land, the legal meaning of scientific fact is no longer going to be decided by the people who spent their life studying their topic and work daily with the very real consequences of the legal decisions about it, but by potentially very ignorant judges and the amount of money funneled into the lawyers on either side. 

Not only is this bad from a perspective of “coal companies can now stick their fingers into their own regulations” kind of way, or a “charismatic enough conman can make the FDA’s assessment of their toxic drug irrelevant” perspective, but also just from a logistic perspective. Everytime a new one of these cases comes up, the already overworked federal judiciary is going to have to sink its teeth deeply into complicated stuff, if it's going to do the job right. And how successful do you think they’ll be with that? How often will they do the truth justice before they just give up and start letting the aforementioned coal lawyers and quack doctors convince them? Scientific fact, as understood by American Law, is now in the hands of layfolk, not experts. I know there’s a certain subset of the population who disdain experts for being “elitist” but when I’m getting a heart surgery done or even riding on a plane, I’d prefer it if the people doing those things were, at the very least, competently trained and experienced. Joe Public, who’s never spent a day in his life learning the difference between a protein and a prion, now gets to decide if we put mad cow disease in our food.

This ruling is also bad because it disrupts the balance of powers. Originally, the Executive Branch got to interpret these laws, and while that meant that the President got to decide truth to a degree (President Trump’s EPA interpreted oil legislation very differently then Biden’s for instance), the actual facts of the matter were still in the hands of the organization itself, not the President. This is why it’s important that staff of, say, NOAH, serve at the pleasure of their organization and not any politician, but especially not the President. Something Trump is also trying to mess with, by the way. This strips the power of the administrative state to do its job and puts it in the hands of the judiciary.

Now, it should be said that graciously, the decision doesn’t undo 40 years of precedent. Every decision that was previously decided still stands, until such time as it is overturned. The problem there is that the court also decided to make sure every single one of them could be challenged. 

2.2 The Corner Post Murder

Another decision they’ve made, Corner Post v Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System, is also worth knowing about. They’ve made a small tweak with Corner Post to previous decisions. Now, instead of laws having 6 years to stand before they reach their statute of limitations, any company can bring a case about a federal regulation as long as new harm was caused in the last 6 years.

This effectively means that regulatory law will never, ever be settled. Any rule you don’t like, you just start a new company in a part of the country with amenable judges, say that “this regulation hurts my company!” or whatever, and you bring it to court. The judge decides in your favor, because of course they does, that’s why you chose them, and then at some point in the future someone else comes along, starts their own company, changes the law into ways they prefer, rinse and repeat until, presumably, the heat death of the universe.

Another wonderful monument to hypocrisy. This isn’t smaller government, this is absolutely batshit insane government. Because of the various ways different regions have different opinions on things - and the way opinions will suddenly have a lot more power in the realm of fact, thanks to Chevron Deference’s death - we’ll suddenly be stuck with an incomprehensible knot of red tape. Imagine if you’re only allowed to have 33 ft square nets on your fishing boat, because anything bigger is considered illegal because the environmentalist lobby paid to have the amount of fishing you can do limited, and anything smaller defines your boat as a non-commercial vessel that doesn’t allow you to fish the amount of fish you need to make a profit because the big fishing companies want to limit potential up and coming competition by stifling them in the crib. Then imagine that as soon as you replace every one of your nets, the law changes.  The specifics of this are so esoteric but broad reaching that if government organizations don’t write the entirety of a law out in every detail, a judge can just mark it up with as much red pen as appeals to them.

Liberal, Conservative, doesn’t matter. Fact should be decided by experts in the field, and laws shouldn’t be changed just because a corporation or a charlatan finds them inconvenient. But Trump’s court apparently doesn’t think that way. Probably because they’re owned by charlatans. 

2.3 Other Things

These were all just decisions from this Supreme Court term that threatened democracy. I could talk about stuff they did that’s just vile, like how they how they made existing in public while homeless a crime. Or I could also go back to their other terms to find other decisions against our democracy, like that time they said an Amendment everyone thought was self-executing…wasn’t, specifically because it would benefit Trump. And I could be here all day screaming about the Dobbs decision. But I’ll restrain myself. If things like the strength of OSHA to protect workers or the rights of females to their bodily autonomy were enough to make you stop voting for Trump, you probably wouldn’t need to be reading this essay. You’d have dumped him long ago. Besides, I think the three cases I presented are enough to make my point. Which…

3.0 What’s the Point?

The point that I want to make is that the decisions that the Trump Court have made have already started to kill our democracy. That these sorts of decisions have consequences, and if he’s reelected there will be more of them.

Further, this is just the damage his Supreme Court did. One small facet of his presidential career. At every level, he and people loyal to him are planning to overturn this election. This, again, is not speculation or hyperbole. They have already started making moves to that effect. Thankfully the election process is robust enough that they won’t be able to outright cheat. But that’s not their plan. Their plan is to create enough chaos and confusion that if Trump doesn’t pass the post first, no one does, and then it goes to the Supreme Court to decide. The Supreme Court we have just established is willing to throw away foundational tenets of our democracy for the sake of kissing Trump’s ass. Will the fundamental part of our social contract, that “the person who won the election should be president,” be something they also throw under the bus? You wanna take that bet? I’d rather not.

The other point I want to emphasize is that the damage the Supreme Court does is especially hard to fix. They’re the highest court in the land and they get the final say - there’s no one to appeal to if their decisions are fucking horrifying. There are other ways around it, but none of them are exactly things to get excited about. For instance, Congress could pass a law or Amendment - though with how ineffective they’ve been, that’s practically a joke. 

It’s funny. Back in 2016, when Trump was running against Hillary, I was convinced he was incompetent enough that he wouldn’t do a lot of damage on his own - but those three open supreme court seats he’d get to pick would. Obviously, my prediction has panned out in worse ways than I could have imagined.

But I think I’ve said all I need to on this. The court has opened some scary, scary doors, and it’s America itself that’s on the line if you’re wrong.

[coloredmess]

[Mewo has another one underneath. Which is a little weird.]

[Putting on the sunglasses gives you a series of attributes.]

[+999 coolness.]

[+999 sillay.]

[+999 B3.]

[+999 B3c.]

[Also you can see some horrors beyond comprehension now. Hooray!]

AW FUCK- WHY WOULD YOU GIVE ME ANON GLASSES??

god damn BASTARD.