#( int. kitty. )

[grand-line-shenanigans]

WHITEBOARD DOODLES!!!

[asexual-spongebob]

Zim headcanons!!!! :3

how have I not made this post already-

• he is agender and on the nonbinary spectrum. it is also bi and uses he/it/xe pronouns.

• Scemo king from your Nitemarez <3

• He smells nice most of the time. • It loves cascada.

• Xe uses a knife and fork to eat finger food. Sir, why are you eating pizza with a knife and fork. • He overstimulated. He especially finds himself getting overstimulated in the lunchroom.

• It going to raves but always has to bring antennae plugs.

• Fashionable. This bug has better style than most.

• Catbug. Xe purrs and even kneads xyr blanket.

• He wears an ungodly amount of Kandi.

• It is good at mechanics. That little bug can repair ur car in no time. :)

• Xe has a large studded belt collection.

• He shoplifts often.

• It has a fuck ton of trauma. It needs a hug and some hot chocolate. The boy has been through some shit. Give it a break.

• Xe gets jumpscared when touched. Xe flinches and becomes startled.

• He has a cute art style and also a fucked up ane creepy one. For different occasions.

• It calls Blink 182 “Twink 183”

• Xe has a tendency to be sassy. (What can I say, I love a sassy scemo twink bug.)

• He isn’t a fan of going to fast food restaurants because they remind him of working at Foodcourtia. • It loves strawberries and has a unhealthy obsession with them.

• Xe loves to diy and craft.

• He has a pair of knee high converse. • It is surprisingly ridiculously strong.

• xe is smeethood friends with Skoodge.

• He makes blinkies and gifs and posts them online.

• It always yells at Gir for smoking weed.

• Xe basically sees Gir as a little sibling.

• He loves being held sometimes.

• It is very demanding. • Xe loves going to Hot Topic and similar shops.

[crysdrawsthings]

I think I am not being annoying enough about Emps. Like I need to either get smarter or more annoying with squidposting.

But since I lack the brains to make cool character analysis my options are limited to jokes or shippy cringe. Maybe both at the same time. Most likely both at the same time considering Oreo being the second party.

The bottom line is, I should post more cringe.

[npuckhq]

thread title: take me to church homecoming.

thread location: wmhs cafeteria.

thread date & time: tuesday, september 16. lunch time.

tagging: noah puckerman & kitty wilde ( @kittyhq )

triggers: none. just regular puck headassery.

this homecoming shit? stupid. dressing up as his favorite meme? really fucking stupid, but he did it anyway - he'd dressed up as gordon ramsay so he could call everyone an 'idiot sandwich'. still, he knew he couldn't show up like that to lunch, so he changed beforehand to some of his nicer clothes that didn't have sports logos and weren't too loud. clad in jeans, a white t-shirt and a button-up, he grabbed his guitar and headed to the cafeteria. 'take me to church' was a funny choice to sing for her, in his opinion, so he went for it.

it's the thought that counts.

right?

[r4bidog]

[KNOCK] + reverse 🐈‍⬛🩷

 one hand grips the doorknob and his head turned left to shout out his orders to the idiots down the stairs . his bedroom was located on the exact same place near the stairs , just one floor above kitty's . or what they've given to the boy , a place to change his clothes and sleep whenever he wanted even if gangjae knew he had an apartment ; some dancers were allowed to stay here for a while until they found themselves a place to stay in seoul . the doorknob rolls and gangjae barges in with a quiet curse . . . that was until he notices a half naked kitty inside his room . his room , gangjae pauses , frowns and takes a step back to glance at the sign on the door before walking back in with a snort . no apologies left his grinning mouth as he closed the door behind him . it smelled like soft perfume , everything about his new dancer suggested seduction and gangjae can't deny his presence had attracted more costumers than ever . ❛ damn . . . i was expecting a bigger ass but guess you're fine . ❜  not looking up from his phone until he brings it to his ear and sits on the bed . ❛ don't mind me , jagiya— OI ! THE MEN YOU SENT ARE BEING FUCKING IDIOTS ! ❜  the sudden yell is addressing the man behind the line .

kinda 👀 prompts. * accepting

[mamuushi]

❛ you’re like a cockroach i can’t kill. i mean it in a good way. ❜

meme > *always accepting.

the music plays in the background at a reasonable volume, not annoyingly loud — just enough that the conversations can flow without interruption. normally, kitty's presence would be met with disdain and anger, yet yuka is in a rather pleasant mood thanks to the mix of alcohol and coke swimming through her veins, seeping into her flesh and muscles. and she has sen in her phone, at her service anytime, so there's little kitty could say that'd ruin her night. " i woulda say fuck you, but i really don't wanna do that, kitty cat. why don't you take your smart mouth to suck off one of my boyfriends? 'm not in the mood for whatever this is." said, suprisingly, without any resentment in her voice.

[dexeaton]

Asking who's ready to learn on a college campus is like asking who's ready to get their thorax crushed while boarding a poorly maintained wooden roller coaster at an amusement park on the cusp of bankruptcy. That is to say, a disappointment for all parties.

well the day every student, new and old are all so excited to come back to school. why? I don't know summer sounds better. I don't know why I am seeing so many 'oh i am so excited to be back. can't wait for another year at nyada.' like you have no clue what you're in store for this year. Anyone who is in my dance class this year, don't expect it to be easy. Anyway, hope you enjoyed your summer, who's ready to learn this year?

[heyimkana]

Kana..... I can't with my husband. He had THE best question last night. ( We are re-re-watching Solo Leveling right now). I just woke up and still riding the high of you replying so I couldn't get it out of my head and came up with this:

Girls night out , Healer Johee and Hae In Jinwoos Gf/wife are a bit tipsy and start talking smack about sex with previous bf vs bf as of right now

In this scenario Johee and Jinwoo had sex one time before he leveled up. He was okay, a bit shy.

She tells Hae In that. Wifey gets big eyes bc she can't walk straight after today's morning session and tells Johee : girl, u missed out. He leveled UP in this regard too 😏

You're smut is breathtaking/pantie wetting so please enjoy this thought 😌😏💜

DAMNNNNN LMFAOOOO NOT MY MAN LEVELING UP AT SEX IM CRYINGGGG 😭😭😭😭😭

okay but real talk i feel like e-rank hunter jinwoo is definitely shy and nervous when it comes to sex. i feel like if he sees the sight of kitty he'll lowkey (maybe even highkey) panic like "okay what do i do? how do i make her feel good? should i touch her here? should i put a finger inside? should i use my mouth WHAT SHOULD I DO" like all of these thoughts would be running in his head at once and his gf would be like "are you okay?" and he'd be like "y-yeah no i'm fine" while visibly sweating

by the time he tried to slide his cock inside and she flinched, he turned pale and started sputtering something like "oh my god i'm sorry i'm so sorry it hurt didn't it oh god of course it did i just rammed my dick inside you i'm an idiot do you want to stop i can stop maybe we should stop yeah let's stop" like he was still rock hard but his brain was already contemplating suicide (he's so cute 😭)

s-rank hunter jinwoo tho 😏 i mean like... even if it was his first time, i feel like he'd still be in control. like he'd be nervous still (yes of course he'd be nervous. he was going to have sex for the first time with the love of his life) but he'd look so much calmer on the outside. you could tell that he wasn't as composed only when he kissed you or when he touched you cause you'd feel like a little tremble in his fingertips, and his kisses would be much slower than usual, maybe even a little bit hesitant? like if it was her first time too, he'd be constantly asking himself "does she really want to do this? what if she changes her mind? what if i'm not the right person for her? what if she's going to regret it later?" like he was so sweet and genuinely concerned for her he wanted it to be perfect, not just the moment, but the person too 🥺

but he'd be in full control once she gave him her consent, and he'd take it slow and he'd be super gentle with her. he wouldn't be as clueless as e-rank jinwoo but he'd make sure to examine her face/expression all the time, to make sure he wasn't hurting her by accident, to make sure she feels pleasure—from him.

he made sure that she came once or twice before they proceeded to the main course and by the time he slipped himself inside and he saw her flinching in pain, he'd stop (but not panic) and kiss her jaw, her cheek, her lips, her temple and just hold her there for a while.

"i won't move until you tell me to. take as much time as you need. we don't have to go all the way if you don't feel like it. i'm happy just to be with you like this."

and she'd shake her head and they'd share a kiss and when she smiled at him, telling him to move, he'd stroke her cheekbone with his thumb, asking "are you sure?"

and if she nodded, he'd smile back at her, pressing a lingering kiss on her forehead, whispering, "we can stop anytime you want. just say the word, angel. you're the one in control here, not me. it's always you."

and she'd kiss him and they'd move awkwardly at first but just like how he was at everything else, he'd get better fast only because he was always so attentive and he paid attention to every detail like the way her breath hitched when he hit a certain angle, the way her nails sank a little deeper into his back when he rubbed against a certain spot. jinwoo understood his assignment quickly and by the time they got to the second round, he made her came twice before he got his own release 😌

so yeah i guess he's leveling up even at sex too 😂

[presleestjames]

That is super disrespectful. Unless they were making content about God? A lot of people who go on missions are using TikTok to promote the LDS faith now and it seems to be doing some good. We're getting a lot of younger members.

I know! I've been exploring the world, kind of like my own personal mission, but I'm back and ready to settle, which is soooo crazy to think about. I'm back at the shop now too, you should defs stop by so we can figure out your signature soda and name it after you.

I have no idea, to be fair. & I was just trying to comprehend what they were doing but they eventually skedaddled out of there. But if they atempt it again, you can be damn sure I'll be right there to shut it all down - the disrespect.

Also, hey stranger, been too long since I've seen that beautiful face of yours.

[thecreaturecodex]

Yule Cat

Image © PBS, by Samuel Allen. Accessed at his ArtStation here

[Part 3 of this year's Christmas series, following the Yule Lads and Grýla. I love this image; it's good at stressing that this is a giant domestic cat, not a "big cat" like a pantherine, indicates scale delightfully, and is a very recognizable feline behavior. Although in context, much more sinister. Bad kitty!]

Yule Cat CR 13 NE Magical Beast This creature resembles nothing so much as a fluffy domestic cat the size of an elephant. Its fur is gray with white mottling, and its eyes are wide and yellow.

Once upon a time, on a distant planet, a god of strength was challenged to perform seemingly simple tasks by a trickster titan. These tasks were all impossible but disguised with illusions, and one of them was to lift the giant’s cat—in actually, the Midgard Serpent, a primordial beast that encircles that globe. When the god tried to lift the serpent, and managed to get one paw off the ground, a kitten was born that was a metaphysical echo of the immovable cat. That kitten kept growing and growing the more she ate, until she was the size of a wagon. This is the Yule Cat.

The Yule Cat is a predator of small game, like any domestic cat, only due to the Yule Cat’s size, “small game” is Medium and Small humanoids. The Yule Cat prefers the taste of succulent young flesh, but hates the taste of newly made clothing. Thus, she preferentially attacks the impoverished and already suffering. In places where the Yule Cat roams, children are given gifts of clothing in the winter in order to make them less palatable to the great cat. The Yule Cat cannot be moved unless she wants to, and can be an impassible obstacle if she decides to set herself in front of a door or bridge and just wait for prey to pass by

The Yule Cat is “owned” by the fey troll Grýla, but like all cats, is as much an associate as a dependent. The Yule Cat stays in Grýla's cave for most of the warmer months and goes off hunting in the colder ones, but always manages to be by Grýla’s table in the winter to demand a portion of her finest human stews. Of Grýla’s children, the Yule Lads, she likes Stumpy the best, and will occasionally let him ride her. Rumor has it that the Yule Lads, Grýla and the Yule Cat once all lived on a distant world called Earth, but a ritual spell intended to force that darn cat to get up and move had the unforeseen consequence of sucking the whole monstrous clan through a portal and depositing them on Golarion. That said, the actions of gods and monsters can send distant ripples throughout the cosmos, and reports of “jotunn cats” may indicate that the Yule Cat is merely the most prominent member of a whole species.

Yule Cat CR 13 XP 25,600 NE Huge magical beast Init +10; Senses clothing sense,darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, Perception +12, scent

Defense AC 28, touch 14, flat-footed 22 (-2 size, +6 Dex, +15 natural) hp 175 (14d10+98) Fort +16, Ref +15, Will +9 DR 15/magic; Resist cold 20, fire 20; SR 24 Defensive Abilities immovable

Offense Speed 50 ft. Melee bite +21 (2d6+9 plus grab), 2 claws +21 (1d8+9) Space 15 ft.; Reach 10 ft. Special Attacks pounce, rake (2 claws +21, 1d8+9), swallow whole (Medium or smaller, 2d6+13 bludgeoning, AC 17, 17 hp)

Statistics Str 27, Dex 23, Con 24, Int 8, Wis 17, Cha 12 Base Atk +14; CMB +24 (+28 grapple); CMD 40 (60 vs. bull rush, overrun, reposition, 68 vs. trip) Feats Acrobatic Steps, Combat Reflexes, Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Nimble Moves, Power Attack, Skill Focus (Perception) Skills Acrobatics +16 (+24 when jumping), Climb +17, Perception +12 (+8 if target is in new clothes, +16 if target is in old clothes), Stealth +12, Survival +6 (+2 if target is in new clothes, +10 if target is in old clothes); Racial Modifiers +4 Acrobatics, +4 Climb, +8 Stealth, +4 Perception and Survival if target is in old clothes, -4 Perception and Survival if target is in new clothes Languages Giant (cannot speak)

Ecology Environment cold mountains and forest Organization unique Treasure incidental

Special Abilities Clothing Sense (Su) The Yule Cat gains a +4 racial bonus on Perception and Survival checks to detect or track a target wearing clothing six months old or older, and can detect and pinpoint these creatures at twice the normal distance with scent. The Yule Cat also suffers a -4 racial penalty on Perception and Survival checks to detect or track a target wearing clothing a month old or newer, can only detect these creatures with scent at half the normal distance, and cannot pinpoint such targets by scent. Immovable (Su) The Yule Cat can become nearly impossible to move as an immediate action. When it does so, it freezes in place, even in midair, until it decides to move again. When frozen in this way, it can still attack, but cannot move from its square unless it chooses to render itself mobile as another immediate action. The Yule Cat gains a +20 racial bonus to CMD against bull rush, overrun, reposition and trip combat maneuvers (this bonus does not require an action to activate or deactivate).

[nanamineedstherapy]

Tactical Crocs & Emotional Warfare

F!Reader x Gojo Satoru x Nanami Kento

Previous Oneshot Chapter [Tumblr/Ao3] | Main Series [Tumblr/Ao3]

A/N: When your security team costs more than a small country's GDP but the real threat is a raccoon with a Hermès addiction. Enjoy this slice of domestic terrorism (ft. Gojo’s tactical Crocs). No spoilers, but someone does get scolded via Chopin.

Int. Private Security Room—Night—14 Hours To Cameras Up

The koi pond feed flickers. A baby sock drifts across the surface. Nobody flinches.

Half the screens are silent surveillance footage: nursery, koi pond vault, her lower office, the terrarium room that used to be a guest bath. Takahashi (the raccoon, not the CFO) sleeps curled on a miniature futon in a separate window—one paw flung over a satin pillow like royalty.

The red alert blinks in the upper left corner: VOGUE JAPAN CREW ARRIVES. TO BE HELD IN GREEN ROOM.

Nanami Kento doesn’t look up. His pen glides over a set of architectural schematics—his third revision in as many hours. He’s in matte black tactical Kevlar (no one knows why at this hour), sleeves rolled to the forearms, sorcery glasses glinting under sterile lighting. There’s a faint ink smudge on his wrist. He’s furious about it.

Gojo Satoru sits across from him in a Hello Kitty hoodie and tactical Crocs, chewing lychee Pocky like he’s running hostage negotiations out of a Daiso. His wayfarers reflect the screen showing his stolen blindfold around Takahashi’s neck like he’s cosplaying “Bandit” in his sleep. The six-eyes wielder looks like the kind of genius whose brain can calculate missile trajectory mid-nap but will forget to refrigerate breast milk.

Around them, the highest-paid security personnel on the Pacific Rim. A blend of private military, cyberwarfare analysts, and cursed-artifact consultants. Some sip espresso from tactical thermoses. Others pretend they’re not being paid eight figures plus to protect a non-sorcerer pregnant woman, two war criminals, and a possibly sentient raccoon.

The Executive Protection Team (Core Security) had primarily been assembled by Megumi, and they relocated with you to Japan after your marriage, remaining fiercely loyal but now having an equal number of Nanami and Gojo’s people, ex-Jujutsu Teachers (sorcerers).

Former JSDF Special Forces Operatives (1st Airborne Brigade or Special Operations Group)  (¥60M+ each).

Japan's equivalent to Navy SEALs/Delta Force, trained in high-risk protection.

Ex-Metropolitan Police Department (MPD) Security Police (SP) Officer. (¥50M+ each).

SP protects Japanese VIPs (e.g., PM, royals). Only available if retired early. Know all police protocols to avoid legal issues.

Cursed Energy Security Specialists Team (for Sorcerer-Level Threats).

Ex-Jujutsu Tech Professors (Non-Gojo Clan, Independent) (¥100M+ each).

Detects/neutralizes curses without relying on Jujutsu High. 

Limitation: Hard to find; must be lured with extreme pay.

Cursed Artifact Security Consultant (¥80M+ each).

Prevents cursed objects from entering the home (e.g., "gifts" from enemies).

Background: Former curse-user turned private sector.

Cyber/Electronic Warfare Team (For Tech CEO Threats).

Ex-Unit 8200 (Israeli Cyber Intel) + NSA Hacker (¥120M+ each).

Best in the world for preventing corporate espionage/blackmail.

Loophole: Hired as a "consultant" to avoid gov restrictions.

Japanese Cyber Defense Force Veteran (¥60M+ each).

Knows domestic cyber laws inside out.

Perk: Can legally bug your own home (with consent).

Logistics & Emergency Extraction Team.

Private Military Contractor (PMC) Pilot (Ex-USAF/JSDF) (¥70M+ each).

On standby with a private jet/helicopter for emergency medevac (pregnancy risks).

Loophole: Based in international waters (Okinawa) to bypass Japanese airspace laws.

Medical Security Specialist (Ex-SAS Medic) (¥50M+ each).

Trauma Care + can extract during a curse attack.

Perk: Licensed to carry restricted meds (e.g., sorcerer-grade painkillers).

Most of them report to her.

The wife.

CEO.

Third trimester.

Currently asleep, head tilted into Nanami’s neck like a sleepy heat-seeking missile, his other arm absently braced around her to stop her from falling off the ergonomic stool she refuses to replace.

A hushed voice cut through the tension. “She’s got a bounty on her.”

Nanami slammed a folder onto the table hard enough to rattle the coffee cups, his sleeves rolled up to expose forearms corded with muscle. “If we die, Protocol A-47 activates. She goes to the koi pond vault. No exceptions. Tranquilize her if necessary.”

The ex-fighter pilot—a woman with a scar bisecting her eyebrow—leaned back in her chair, flicking a toothpick between her teeth. “We have tranquilizers because she once roundhouse-kicked a logistics officer during a VR Mortal Kombat session. Broke his nose.”

Gojo licked sugar from his thumb and added, “Double-layer barrier on the nursery and Takahashi. If something happens to that raccoon, I’m flattening a country. I won’t say which. It’ll be a surprise.”

The NSA hacker, a twitchy man with dark circles under his eyes, flinched when the raccoon sneezed. “Why does the raccoon have his own panic room?”

Keji—sleek in his silk shirt, biceps straining the fabric as he crossed his arms—didn’t blink. “He has three. One is lined with titanium. One is wallpapered with Gojo-san’s baby photos. We do not enter it.”

Nanami’s pen paused mid-note, his gold wedding band glinting. “She’s not a combatant. She can’t defend herself against c-users.”

Gojo’s smirk vanished, his voice dropping to something darker. “And now, her bounty matches mine.”

The silence in the room was palpable, a live wire. Takahashi, curled in his heated pet bed, let out a tiny snore.

The SAS medic—a woman with a coiled braid and a grip that could crush tracheas—rubbed her temples. “We’re glorified nannies. Emotional support detail. Decoys.”

Nanami didn’t look up. “In case both of us die, Keji initiates the escape route. She doesn’t know about it. She already has insomnia. And stop calling it Project: Dead Dads.”

A former JSDF SOG operative, a wiry man who looked like he hadn’t slept in days, swallowed audibly. “Do we evacuate Takahashi?”

Gojo’s fingers stilled on his watermelon lollipop wrapper, the crinkle deafening. “What did I just say.”

Keji turned toward the security feeds, his profile sharp enough to draw blood. “He has a private jet. Smaller than Madame’s. Faster. I’m not authorized to speak why.”

Nanami’s glasses caught the light as he flipped a page. “There are four exit tunnels. One goes through a matcha café. Another leads under the koi pond, keyed to her retinal scan and Takahashi’s scent profile.”

The ex-jujutsu sorcerer—an older woman with ink-black nails and a lazy, lethal posture—stretched like a cat. “I taught metaphysics at Yale.”

Gojo’s grin returned, wider. “Now you guard a raccoon with a Hermès sponsorship and a platinum AmEx. Life’s a ride.”

An ex-MPD VIP guard, a hulking man with a baby face, muttered into his comms. “I used to run fintech. Now I sterilize breast pumps and sleep beneath a floating shikigami terrarium.”

Ignoring him, Nanami’s thumb brushed the edge of his wedding ring. “In an active threat, she and Takahashi go in the bunker. Keji, you emotionally stabilize her. Feed the raccoon his lavender sardine paste.”

Keji’s jaw tightened, leather gloves creaking. “It’s handmade. Infused with omega-3 and respect. I recite Edith Piaf while preparing it.”

Gojo twirled his sunglasses. “He even sings La Vie en Rose during thunderstorms.”

The lights flickered. No one moved.

Takahashi’s screech echoed down the hall—a sound like an opera-trained kettle being murdered.

Nanami didn’t react. “Seventy-five minutes. That’s all they’re allowed in the residence. Treat this as a red-tier civilian intrusion. Assume bugs, surveillance, and attempted breaches.”

Gojo licked his lollipop slowly. “And no touching the raccoon. She said she’ll cancel the shoot if they mess with his whiskers.”

Every head nodded. No one questioned it.

The upgraded chief logistics officer—a woman with a steel-gray bob and a sniper’s stillness—tapped her tablet. “We’ve staged all bathrooms, prepped diversionary designer fragrances, and disabled motion sensor lighting in the koi corridor. It made the raccoon look too... strategic.”

Keji, adjusting his gloves, coolly added, “Takahashi is sentient. And emotionally fragile.”

Nanami’s voice was sharp as a blade. “Staff wears navy. Press wears tags. Anyone untagged after the 42-minute mark: detain.”

The ex-Metropolitan Police officer, a woman built like a brick wall with a matching smirk, raised a brow. “If questioned?”

Gojo’s teeth flashed in a grin. “Blame jet lag. Or say they threatened the raccoon and his wildlife habitat.”

Another nod followed, deadly serious.

Nanami’s watch gleamed as he switched tabs. “Lighting rig pathways are pre-approved. No one enters the nursery, gaming room, or her lower office. Those are closed sets. If they insist—deny with polite aggression.”

Gojo pointed at the NSA tech, who shrank in his chair. “If they get pushy, hand them the fake NDA. The one with clause 14 about raccoon-based defamation lawsuits.”

The tech, a freckled kid who looked barely old enough to be here, stammered, “We scrubbed her images from the mob lynch incident off the internet. All reverse image searches redirect to a red fox in a Dior scarf.”

Keji’s mouth curled into a smirk. “We paid extra for that one. The fox is a union.”

The medical lead—a woman with biceps that could crack walnuts and a glare to match—slapped her protocol sheet down. “She’s on four prescriptions. None are to be mentioned. If she starts to spiral—”

Keji’s smile was all edges, his gloved fingers tapping once against his biceps. “I’ll realign her using the 'accidental' footage of Nanami-san cooking shirtless last week. It’s preloaded. Subtitled. And scored with Chopin.”

Nanami’s pen froze mid-air. “That wasn’t for anyone.”

Gojo, sprawled across two chairs, licked his lollipop with deliberate slowness. “It was for me. Obviously.”

An ex-JSDF pilot—a woman in her 50s with salt-and-pepper hair and a posture that screamed combat-ready—adjusted her earpiece. “Chopper’s on standby. Six-minute extraction from Okinawa. The vault opens in two. If she won’t move, the fetal monitor’s embedded in her gaming chair.”

Nanami's wedding band caught the light as he massaged his temple. “She won’t move. Not if they bring up Gojo’s hair again.”

Gojo’s sunglasses slid down as he jerked upright, voice dripping with offense. “My hair is real. Shut up.”

The cybersecurity lead asked, “Do we allow footage of the nursery?”

Nanami didn’t hesitate, his voice a steel door slamming shut. “No. The twins will not be monetized.”

Gojo twirled his sunglasses, his grin razor-thin. “Also, the wallpaper isn’t finished, and she’ll have a hormonal breakdown.”

The MPD veteran, a barrel-chested man with a voice like gravel, scratched his stubble. “What if they film the raccoon singing? The sound’s been... described as ‘emotional.’”

Keji turned to the camera, his smirk all quiet arrogance. “He sings behind silk. You hear him only if he allows it.”

Nanami’s finger traced the exit tunnel diagram, his glasses glinting like a warning. “Only Keji knows all exit codes. If she starts crying—”

Another SAS medic—a woman with a shaved head and a stare that could curdle milk—didn’t blink. “We sedate her and blame prenatal yoga. Like last time.”

The mood in the room remained tense.

Nanami’s knuckles went white around his folder. “We protect her. We protect the twins. You protect that damn raccoon like he’s the crown prince of France. If she stubs her toe and Vogue sees it—this entire household is done.”

Another NSA hacker, a young woman fixing her gloss, muttered under her breath. “She has three degrees, and one of them is in an unknown field. So I’m pretty sure she could crush this whole network if she wanted to.”

Keji leaned back, satisfaction rolling off him in waves. “She has. Twice.”

Gojo chewed the last of his lollipop. “Accidentally.”

The lights flickered—once.

“One lipstick smear on the marble. One wrong tote bag. One smug remark about ‘modern poly households’—I will end this.” Nanami’s final note was a scalpel to the throat, but his gaze softened as he glanced at his wife dozing on his shoulder, her cheek smooshed against the Kevlar vest.

Gojo rose, stretching with all his lazy grace, kissed Nanami's temple just to annoy him before scooping their wife into his arms like she still weighed nothing. Her sleepy “mmf?” earned a chuckle as he adjusted the hem of her shirt over her bump as she put her arms around him. “Smile for the cameras tomorrow, people,” he purred to the team, but his wedding ring-adorned finger brushed her knee—a silent you’re safe—as he carried her toward the bed, her breathing already muffled against his shoulder.

The private feed cut.

The koi pond glowed an eerie blue.

The single baby sock is still floating over it.

Video Title Card: The Pregnant CEO, The Two Husbands, and The Raccoon With Executive Privilege.

---

A/N: If you laughed, cried, or now fear Nanami’s spreadsheet skills, scream at me in the comments. (Gojo’s ego needs the validation. Takahashi demands tribute in lychee Pocky.)

Previous Oneshot Chapter [Tumblr/Ao3] | Main Series [Tumblr/Ao3]

Next Chapter Gojo Satoru’s Public Display of Wife Theft [Tumblr/Ao3]

All Works Masterlist

Beta - @blackrimmedrose

[npuckhq]

just an excuse to claw people's eyes out, isn't it? but anyway, don't pay attention to these fuckers.

if anyone happens to have a problem with me, we can settle it right here and now, no need to hide under an anonymous message. if you want the smoke, come and get it.

[lightning-wyvern]

i am a trans man and i have a carnal need for urahara do something about that please i dont give a fuck what you write, it could be monster sex i dont even care bro

i really wanna monster sex bcs same boo same (even down to the trans man part im a trans man and he drives me just absolutely positively rabid)

~ kitty cat

alpha(?)!kisuke urahara x werecat!male reader / fluff, smut in pt.2 content werecat!reader, werecats can shift into CAT cats [ wc ] 1422 (ps: read this!) please reblog fanfictions when you read one you like! likes do not help writers' algorithms!

kisuke urahara was a simple man... in legal terms.

he had never been to jail, had never been to prison, hell- he'd never even gotten a parking ticket, let alone a speeding ticket.

but when he met you, that all changed.

when yoruichi, urahara's dearest childhood friend (and also werecat), brought home the scruffy black stray, kisuke was immediately infatuated. he had another werecat, ichigo, who he was very close to, and ichigo immediately took a liking to you, which wasn't common (orange cats are very odd creatures.).

there was one part of the ordeal that kisuke was very fond of: yoruichi quickly began to think of you as a brother. she even shared her milk with you whenever kisuke gave it to her... that was the oddest part about the whole situation: she refused to share her milk with even ichigo.

now, werecats used to be a predominantly wild species. when humans discovered the cat-human hybrids, certain people (who yoruichi thought shouldn't be called humans) quickly realized they could manipulate the species' genes for a very specific use: sex.

the modifications eliminated many issues: romantic barriers between human partners, sexual lines that could be crossed between partners, and most notably (because most werecats seemed to be male), the ancient-standing issue of tension between hetero and homosexual individuals.

soon after their discovery, a system spawned that was very similar to what social media called the cat distribution system. a similar "system" cropped up in which encounters with werecats commonly ended in either a fuck or in most cases, someone bringing home a cute new friend.

additionally, most werecats tended to like being called things like "kitten," "good kitty," "pretty kitty," and similar affectionate little pet names. most werecats also either couldn't speak very well, or they simply chose not to- so there was usually very little communication involved with them.

kisuke learned very quickly, however, that this was not the case with all werecats- yoruichi and ichigo were rare cases, yes, but looking back on early memories with you, kisuke quickly formed a theory that sentient werecats gravitated towards handsome, perverted candy shop owners.

was it the candy? ichigo liked candy.

was it the milk? yoruichi liked milk.

or... was it the handsome, perverted candy shop owners themselves?

kisuke urahara was very fond of that idea... he had always liked cats, and cats had always seemed to like him.

~+~

kisuke groaned and rolled over onto his back on his futon, slowly opening his tired, storm-grey eyes. he yawned loudly, stretching his arms up int the air and making grabby hands for the ceiling. he heard a very slight sound of fur shifting against fabric, and his eyes immediately looked to the right, towards the sound.

"oh, hello yoruichi!" said kisuke, grinning. he sat up and threaded a hand into his messy blonde hair and ruffled it, yawning again.

"you're ridiculous." said a falsely deep voice next to the futon. kisuke grinned like a teenage dumbass, reaching over and ruffling the fur on the sleek, black british short-haired cat's head. she growled warningly, but of course kisuke didn't listen, and if you asked about this moment later on, yoruichi would say she probably should have scratched his eyes out.

yoruichi hissed, growling from deep in the back of her throat as she reached up and pawed aggressively at his hand. she backed up, her puffed up tail swishing violently back and forth and slamming sporadically against the wooden floor. she shook herself in a quarrelsome manner and hissed again, turning and burrowing under the waist opening of a black kimono, poking her head out of the top.

"stuff it, old man." she spat, shifting into her werecat form.

"no you stuff it, kitty." he playfully spat back, fake-flinching and chuckling when she hissed again and projectile-chucked a pillow at him violently.

"why've you woken me up, hm?" kisuke asks as he stands up and reaches for his striped green and white hat. he stretched again, slipping into a matching green and white-striped shawl-thing (hada doesn't know what theyre called heh), looking over at yoruichi expectantly, his eyebrows raised and his signature stupid grin starting to sneak onto his face.

yoruichi groaned, flopping backward onto the futon dramatically.

"ugh fine, i'll tell you," she says, "i found a stray werecat and i may or may not have brought him home."

kisuke grins, getting visibly excited at the idea of meeting another were.

"oh?" he asks, "where is he? i don't see him~"

"he's hiding somewhere in here but he's here."

"you should go get him! tell him i promise i won't bite~"

yoruichi rolls her eyes, getting up and stretching like a cat and starting lazily toward the door.

"i dunno if he's sentient but ok."

she did, however, go and fetch the new fluffball- you. she had to pick you and carry you, you were that shy. when she brought you into the room with kisuke, you fluffed up and hissed, scrambling onto yoruichi's shoulders and growling defensively.

"you didn't tell him, did you~" kisuke said in fake drama, rolling his eyes. but he didn't bother to smother the grin that accompanied the eye roll. he approached slowly, slipping out of his loud-ass japapese clogs in the process so as to attempt to make himself sound less like a threat. he relaxed the muscles in his right arm and hand, reaching his hand up to let the cat have a sniff.

(reader pov)

you hissed quietly, but still carefully extended your neck nonetheless. you risked a cautious sniff, recoiling defensively. you looked up and stared at the blonde man with calculating, clearly intelligent eyes for more than one moment, eventually shifting all four tiny little paws onto one shoulder of the cocoa-colored woman who had rescued you, carefully leaning out and touching your nose to the man's fingers, finally getting an good scent.

no threat... not now, at least.

you looked up at him again and made a short, quiet trilling sound. it was something similar to the noise house cats make when an idiot human wakes them up from a sun nap, and it made the man smile. you stared at him for a few seconds, thinking. then you poised for a pounce, jumping the one or two-foot distance between the man and the woman. you landed on the man's shoulder and butted your head against his temple, then sneezed and sniffed at his hat.

the man smiled again, reaching up and making a gentle, cautious attempt to scratch behind your ear. you butted your head into his fingertips and his smile turned into a joyous grin, and he started to scratch at that one spot, eliciting a completely unwarranted purr from the back of your throat. the man chuckled, gently cupping your small, feline head in his hand and rubbing your face, neck and ear in soothing motions.

your heart slowed down a bit and the purr you were producing got deeper, indicating to the man that you were becoming more comfortable with him. you reached around with your face and licked the palm of his hand, then hopped down onto the floor and burrowed under a blanket on a futon you had seen earlier, then quickly shifted into your werecat form, wrapping the blanket around yourself. you turned and looked curiously at him, tilting your head to the side, having decided to chance at asking him a question.

"what's your name?" you asked cautiously, your voice so quiet it was nearly a whisper.

(urahara pov)

kisuke smiled, walking over and sitting down next on the futon next to you. "i'm urahara kisuke." he introduced himself, making sure to keep his voice calm and quiet so as to refrain from startling you.

you looked at him and he looked back at you, a soft, gentle smile on his face as he watched you closely, waiting for you to respond. after a moment of thought, you carefully scoot closer to him, shifting onto your calves before giving a cautious, playful bat at his hand. he smiled- and all of a sudden the action seemed to be infectious, and you fell ill with it. a small smile inched its way into existence, slithering in small bits onto your face and making his heart soar for some reason.

interesting... he thought, he likes to play. ichigo and yoruichi just seem to want to be left alone, but this one is coming out of its shell... the thought made him smile again, and your smile widened into a grin.

fell victim to writers block but had to post and so theres gna b a pt.2~

© uraharasfavoriteexperiment.

[inamagicalhallucination]

so it happens on a mission that aku gets hit with an ability

he didn't meant to be hit

he honestly wasn't in the range to be hit, it was just... well he saw it go towards the jinko and his body just reacted. it was just practical that someone without anxiety got hit, yeah. that's what he was sticking with.

-

he wakes up in a room not his own, wearing kitty pajamas he does not own

he reaches for rashomon, she does not reach back

he grabs something as a makeshift weapon and walks out, ready to claw his way away and-

"ryuunosuke you... you wear the pajamas i got you?" atsushi

he whirls, atsushi is standing there with coffee cups in his hand, one he's sipping from and one he's holding out to aku

he makes no comment on akutagawa's makeshift weapon

akutagawa, from pure confusion ends up spilling, in his "what the fuck is going on jinko"

he's a college student here, roommates with atsushi -- they've been friends for two years now... atsushi, though confused at first and offering to call his doctor friend who's "only scary when she wants to dissect you!!" but eventually he decides that it must be true becuz this aku is very different from his own aku though his personality is still pretty cute -- like when they got in a fight and aku slapped his hand away and atsushi said "ow" cuz it hurt and he just stopped and apologized for the whole day -- seemingly surprised that it would hurt him at all

a few days in this dimension though,

-

akutagawa wakes up in another bed

he's not traveling to another dimension -- he's travelling through multiple dimensions

this one he wakes up in a small apartment, he looks around for atsushi but he isn't there -- he's confused and disoriented and he gets dressed, is extremely lucky that this aku's phone has the same password as his own, and tries to follow this aku's steps int he hopes of gaining some balance

this aku always visits a coffee shop -- it's written into his calendar and schedule

aku considers ignoring it -- but a flash of white catches his eyes and he walks in, and there behind the counter with a pleasant smile

he doesn't know why atsushi turns red when his face unwillingly melts into something at someone familiar or why he stumbles and trips when aku calls out to him (careful not to use jinko when last atsushi didn't have powers and just Stared at him)

he stays at the cafe wondering if its a coincidence that both universes had atsushi this close

probably

he watches atsushi anyway

a day into this universe and then

-

he wakes up in a warm bed, comfortable, the sun on his skin from the window, a warm body behind him, an arm over his body-

he jolts up

atsushi jinko

blinks awake, sitting up and with him asking whats wrong and aku's eyes land on a ring

a ring on atsushi's finger "YOU'RE MARRIED???"

"uhh yes dear, we're married um are you sick?"

akutagawa does not faint

a week of domestic bliss

-

and he wakes up to a pleasantly aching body and atsushi sitting on the bed reaching for his shirt

he hides himself under his blanket, face red as the dots connect

and muffled under his blanket he asks if theyre dating

theres a heavy pause

then

"ask me when u havent just had an orgasm... when ur serious"

and a few minutes later the door clicks shut

akutagawa pulls himself out of his blanket

lays there

and in a moment of something strange, writes down a note for this dimension's him to ask again

and then over and over again from one reality to another

for weeks or for a few hours

one atsushi to another atsushi to another-

every universe that he goes in, in some he's happy, in some he's about to reach happiness, and in some he has nothing -- and its all because of atsushi

and at some point he gives that universe's akutagawa's number to atsushi becuz he knows it'll bring light into this miserable reflection for him

or he leaves a note to try try try

but over and over

until he wakes up with a teary eyed atsushi

how has he never realized...

all the atsushi's were lovely and pretty and perfect but his... this atsushi

he sits up to reach over the bed and melt into a confused atsushi's arms

just for a moment

/

now did various aku's pop up in canon verse aku's body leaving a confused atsushi wondering if this is another aku and aku has to like convince him that he's actually his aku lmao

/

also it was

college/roommates au

cafe au

married au

fwb au

and a bunch more but i got tired of thinking

[foxxyboxy11]

My MHA Villain DR

(this is my first DR post so give me a break)

-——————————————————————————

Me! This is kinda what I look like, my face claim is just parts of faces put together with the words “this all works together” underneath it.

I’m 22 and moved to Japan after my 21 birthday. I've lived there for a little over a year before i shifted there. I’m a artist and own my own business. that I operate on the first floor of my house. This is like really far into the future, the year is 2430 when I shift. America is…better… but I love Japan and It was always my dream to move there. I live in the forest but next to the beach so Its amazing.

I’m not necessarily a villain but I do help them int he defense category. I don’t like hero's but I adore the UA students, especially Kirishima, Shinsou, and Tsu!

okay that enough about me, now my quirk!

-—————————————————————————-

My quirk

Dream manipulation: I have the ability to manipulate peoples dreams (a better version of Freddy Krueger) I am able to affect their physical bodies and heal with it. complicated but basically I trick the brain into healing itself at an accelerated pace. I can also get stronger by absorbing other people energy and dreams. I can bring stuff from between worlds to the physical plain but its HARD. Mostly I use my quirk as a defense because I can make other people see someone as someone else or not their at al. (I'm a little OP, but would I be a shifter if i wasn't?) And yes I do have ultimate moves, its cool.

my villain name BTW is, Lumaia (loom-eah)

I change my appearance so I can still have a normal life outside my quirk and Villain person.

Ignore everything but the cloak on the first pic. Also with the second pic just ignore the tights and put baggy pants in place. It so feminine even though I'm not there lol.

-—————————————————————————-

Now for who ya’ll have been waiting for!

MY S/O!!!!!!

Dabi/Touya Todoroki. (see why I was hesitant to tell ya’ll…)

he's very much exactly like the cannon Dabi, except for like what happens in the war that gets changed.

He isn't too much of a sweetheart but I love him <3 Look at his little skrunckly face.

we aren’t dating when i first shift but trust it comes in like a month. I can’t do slow burns. After the war we do have kids, two so far. We are very secretive about our relationship to everyone, believing everyone does not need to know our business. this like goes as far as the league not even knowing I'm 5 months pregnant. YES I DO HAVE RELATIONS WITH THIS MAN AND ITS GOOD.

-——————————————————————————

A honorable mention, my kitty.

This is Sylvie. she is one years old.

Her front left paw is white and she is huge. Almost three feet tall. She is a black Maine coon. I found her as a baby with the mom but the mom sadly passed. She loves laying on Dabi cause he’s warm.

Uhhh I guess thats it. Sorry it’s a little wonky. I’ll make a better one later

love yall!!

[blcssom]

it was funny, really: he'd hardly noticed her when she first got onto the bus, making brief eye contact when he'd shifted to give her room to slot in beside him, but now there was very little that could draw his attention away from her. every shift in her posture, every subtle noise that fell from her lips... lewis was hyper-focused on the sleight frame tucked in against his despite the growing crowd surrounding them. he watched as her knuckles tightened around the rail she was holding in front of her, his own grip subconsciously tightening around her. far be it from him to judge, but she didn't seem like the type to be quite so daring in public. mousy and fragile looking, he was sure that if anyone were to catch on to their little scheme there would be harsh scrutiny considering he was twice her size (and while not quite twice her age, no doubt he had a good ten years on her). "oh, no need to apologize at all. you're welcome to use me for balance as well." which she seemed more than eager to do, parting her legs and leaning back so that his leg pushed between her thighs. "no? there must be an event downtown driving traffic this way..." his leg pushed further forward between her own until her crotch came to rest against his thigh, the hand he still had pressed against her stomach pulling her further back against him so that she could drag along his trousers just slightly. the bulge between his own legs pressed harder into her back as he struggled to choke back a groan, but still he found his hips pressing forward against her. "are you headed somewhere in particular? running errands or... headed home, maybe?"

considering she'd been alive for over two decades now, kitty had still yet to really truly live. growing up, she kept looking to a point in the future when she'd finally be confident enough to put herself out there and experience the sorts of things she'd only ever read about, but those deadlines kept coming up and passing her right by without any meaningful change being made. by then she'd more or less accepted that some people were doers and others were merely there to observe, but maybe being at peace with her circumstances was what it took for the universe to throw her a bone for once. hearing her name uttered in his low tone had her gut doing a flip, tightening her grip on the railing so that her knuckles went pale. "nice to meet you too," her voice was a mere squeak, desperately clinging to some sense of composure. the bus was crowded enough, she doubted anyone would notice the way they were pressed far too close together, but she couldn't help but feel the flutterings of anxiety as her gaze darted around to assess her surroundings, making sure no one had caught on to their naughty little game yet. she could feel the warmth radiating from his palm as he shifted his hand to her tummy, pressing her lips together to try and hold back a grin. "n-no, not at all... forgive me for being so clumsy." with that excuse given, she dared to widen her stance just slightly, shifting herself back so that one of his legs slotted between hers. "it's not usually this crowded, either..."