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hongtiddiez · 10 months

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last twilight e2 thoughts feelings etc

As always, I'm just some dude on the internet. I could be way off base with some of this but I just think it's fun to think about. Night asking Mhok to make him a cup of coffee was very interesting. Mhok is not there as a general staff, cook, etc. He's there to help Day and only Day and Night is fully capable of making himself a cup of coffee. Curious if this is a hint at Night helping himself to things intended for Day, coveting things Day has, etc. It definitely didn't feel like a throw away action.

I appreciate Porjai very, very gently reprimanding Mhok for being nosy in cleaning up Day's room. It was a bit of a misstep for Mhok and he needed to know that. It's important to let us disabled people ask for help when we need it and not assume we always need help. While the state of Day's room was very likely a concern for safety reasons and general health he should have been asked at the very least if it should or could be cleaned. It's not unlike grabbing the handles of someone's wheelchair and pushing them when they didn't ask to - You don't know what Day has a system for, you don't know what paths he's memorized, or even what obstacles he may have set up for himself intentionally to guide himself to different parts of the room. While it seems difficult for Day to ask for help it is something he's going to have to get accustomed to and he will with time, jumping in and making changes without his consent robs him of more of his already so very scarce agency he's been allowed.

Aon telling Day he needs to be patient and learn to talk to sighted people is huge. I made a post last week about my favorite thing being Day's anger and this is absolutely true, however, it can be so very easy to wallow in your grief and anger if you let yourself. It's important for Day to be angry, it's important for him to be impatient, but it's also important for him to push past those things and grow. Day needs to reevaluate his interpersonal interactions, he needs to relearn how to socialize especially without social queues from body language (something we often process subconsciously and take for granted.) All Day has now to go off of is voice inflection and his own critical thinking skills. He's going to have to be patient with people, he's going to have to adjust, and he's going to have to give Mhok a genuine chance. It's easy to isolate yourself when you're disabled, far too easy, and it's so much harder and scarier to try.

In the same vein as my first comment, the fumbled eye drops scene is so important, I loved it so much. It's Day realizing his limitations, coming to terms with them, and accepting that he needs help - he can't do everything on his own and that's okay, there are people there to help him if he just asks. And Mhok just does it. He doesn't make him feel silly or stupid or feeble, he just looks for the eye drops and hands them over. It's not A Thing, it's not anything more than just helping someone. It's easy, and it should be.

The Boob Grab sure is something. I did not know Jimmy was built like that. I'll talk more about this later.

"Living alone in a small fish tank is lonely, right?"

Oh fuck me UP. Living alone in this tiny bedroom is lonely, isn't it Day?

"Goldfish have a short memory. It can't be lonely."

Perhaps the goldfish's memory is so short because no one has ever taken the time to stick around. No one was worth remembering. And maybe the goldfish wishes he remembered some things less.

The fish is dying, suffocating in it's own filth and loneliness, suffocating from a lack of consideration and care. But suddenly the goldfish goes outside, it breathes fresh air, smells the blooming jasmine, and suddenly it doesn't feel like it's suffocating anymore. Things are a little clearer - not literally but it no longer feels like it's swimming through a miasma. (The goldfish is Day, btw.)

FUCK. ME. UP. I'm eating all of this like the delicious anniversary dinner I had tonight.

So lunch. I noticed this at the beginning of the episode but it's really driven home here. Zero accommodations have been made for Day in the span of a fucking year. There's been no safety measures made, no pathways made more accessible, and even more frustrating they've reorganized the fucking kitchen. It's like they sealed Day in a tomb and are just waiting for him to die so they can move on with business as usual. I would ask 'how is Day supposed to do anything for himself' but it's very clear no one thought of that. They all thought of him as this shambling shell of a man that couldn't possibly do basic tasks like find the soy sauce for himself, they didn't consider him even as an afterthought when rearranging everything. It shows Day's fall from grace within his own family in such a brutal way and it makes me so angry with his family.

The scene with Night and his friends is a lot. Day's anxiety is so palpable and the comments made make me wonder if Day's condition has been kept under wraps as some sort of shameful secret. I would be interested to see if there was an NDA in Mhok's contract.

And then we get Mhok's anxiety and raw fear. Mhok's worst nightmares came to fruition and he knows what hopelessness, frustration, and despair can do to a person. He knows it only takes the smallest thing to push someone into the unthinkable and he can't allow that to happen again. He failed to see it last time, failed to answer a call for help. He won't ever miss that call again.

Here's where we're going to come back to the boob grab and here's where I could be WAY FUCKING OFF BASE. I know we all love it, Jimmy boobie stress ball teehee, but there's also a moment of shock on Day's face when it happens. He's alarmed and taken aback and rightfully so because what the fuck this man is half naked in his room??? Then we come to this point where Mhok has just burst into his room while Day is naked and vulnerable and he knows Mhok has seen him. His reaction might seem harsh or impulsive but here's the tragic thing - A painful, horrible amount of caretakers in the world take advantage of their charges monetarily, sexually, or otherwise. (It's something I've personally seen happen to friends and family.)It's not the rule, but it happens enough to be notable.

It would not be difficult for Day to be taken advantage of and this is only his.. third? fourth? day with Mhok who is still very much a stranger to him. Mhok was completely justified in his reaction (and realistically should have a key for Day's room for emergencies only because God forbid Day fall in the bath or something) but Day's reaction is every bit justified as well. But I don't blame Day for his reaction because he very likely was afraid and his emotions were already so heightened from the mess with his brother, and I applaud Mhok for just leaving and leaving it at that. They both needed to calm down and Mhok leaves. He respects Day's decision, his agency, etc. He walks away from a job that could change his life.

Once again The Little Prince narrates the lives of these two perfectly. No notes, perfect, beautiful, muah.

The fucking slippers. Finally, someone has taken the time to understand. It was a simple solution to a large part of Day's frustration and pain. It has given him some of his agency back, taken away some of his fear. These stupid ugly goldfish slippers have given him so much and perhaps Mhok understands far more than Day gave him credit for because finally someone is listening to him, listening without him having to beg.

And Day going to see Mhok? That's huge. He could've asked Porjai to bring Mhok or ask him to come by but no; like The Prince he approaches the untamed fox.

And Mhok's desperation to understand. Fucking hell. He's gone above and beyond just being a caretaker and the way he says 'the way people look at us.' Because it's an us now, he wants to stand right by Day's side and shoulder this journey with him, to hold his hand and tell Day 'I'm here with you, you aren't alone.' I'm gonna chew my fucking upholstery.

This is only solidified with the addition of Big Mhok. Little Day isn't alone anymore and Big Mhok might be scary and intimidating but not for Little Day, never for Little Day. And then Day uses some of his precious ten fleeting seconds to see Mhok, to put a face to this insane, caring, brusque, ridiculous man that would live his days blindfolded just to understand someone else's perspective. Because Mhok is worth seeing.

Anyway they make me fucking insane, your honor. I don't know if I'll do this for every episode (if people like it enough, sure) but this one in particular had me feeling a lot of things.

#last twilight #last twilight the series #ltts meta #reposting bc i misspelled some names and wanted to add some comments and tweak some wording #oat meta

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eldritch-spouse · 1 year

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hihi, this is socially awkward anon ( now converted to just regular dry anon because i'm more socially inept than awkward and i hated the label i gave myself ) here again for a question regarding not just one but two people this time !

question numero uno, about Jonesy because I love him very dearly and he's just so neat. You said in a previous ask that besides the slight attraction to dominance, he prefers someone who he can " mold ". Does Jonesy gravitate towards meeker people who've had no romantic relationships? Who would end up confessing first? ( miniscule side question, are the circles on his shoulders muscle, shoulder pads, or one of those medieval puffy sleeves ? The last option's funny to imagine for me, in a good way )

last goofy little question ( and this can even be optional if you want ) if we gave Fasma a big old smooch, would some of his goo rub off on us like slime, or is he juuust " solid " enough to leave no residue on our lips ?

Is the sky blue? Is the grass green? Do birds sing in Spring mornings?

Most angels like having some form of control, especially over humans. It's sort of part of their programming. However, casts like warriors ironically tend to be the most submissive, even more so than workers. This is why Belo is a lot more susceptible to folding towards someone more dominant- Wherein Jonesy, someone in the upper echelon of the angel hierarchy, is not so easily bent. (Though let it be known Belo can also adopt this dynamic.)

He absolutely gravitates towards someone he can inflict his own "correct" views upon. He's very much a "fixer" type of person, the throne will gravitate towards someone who's going through real lows just so he can be the light in their life and make sure they take his every word as gospel. A lack of romantic or sexual interaction is, to Jonesy, just another way he can make you an exemplary lesser- By teaching you how to be intimate without being lecherous- Aka, "do sex acts with me only because I'm holy, therefore it's always correct, trust me".

In this case, there isn't really much of a confession, so much so as Jonesy makes several "obvious" pushes in the way you two interact. It's natural that you should hold his hand, of all people. You can trust the throne with your deepest feelings. In fact, if you have to love anyone, it might as well be the celestial that saved you, isn't that right? It makes sense that he should be the one to teach you intimacy and love. It's only natural that you're his.

It's an unspoken sort of thing. By the time either one of you says "I love you", it no longer comes as a shock, because your actions have spoken ten times louder.

[In regards to the outfit, those are puffy sleeves, yes.]

In normal states, Fasma is made of a pretty consistent ectoplasm. The material would cling to your lips for a second or two before easily molding back into shape. Naturally, the more force you exert, the harder it'll cling, but you'd have to put some effort in it to come out with a piece of him.

However, by the time you decide to smooch him, he's probably more than a bit nervous, so he's going to start melting, in which case you definitely get a gross sort of string connecting you two, like hot runny bubblegum. This is intensified when he's drunk.

#Jonesy oc #Fasma oc

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bumblebeerror · 11 months

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I think the worst thing about Tumblr dropping down to a skeleton crew was that Tumblr users were diligent with giving feedback to the site for the entirety of the new changes automattic made.

At no point was there all that much support for things like the new photo/video viewer, which no longer allows you to zoom in and takes you to random ass other posts. The new viewer also lags so much that videos often don’t play until you exit it. I saw hundreds of posts talking about the issues and what needed doing in BOTH proposed cases - people explained how to make the new one more usable, and how to improve the old one.

Tumblr’s biggest handicap was ALWAYS that it’s interface tough to get the hang of if you’ve never used any other blogging platform, since it’s one of the few platforms left that is specifically about blogging. Tumblr has been avoided by loads of people because there isn’t a crash course on how to work the site, the buttons and icons are not explained, etc. And while I love it, those changes are what would bring more people here. It’s daunting to join a new platform, especially one you don’t understand in the slightest and one that is not set up like most social media.

The things we railed against hardest were features that encouraged one-way relationships with other users - mutuals to a tumblr user are literal friendships, and doing anything to make direct communication with those friends harder Ie: non chronological timeline, moving the messaging system, making tags visible in reblogs so that people felt weird about talking in them, so on.

The thing is, Automattic, you’re never going to get a social media like any of the others out of this site. This site has such a long reputation that the best thing you could have done to improve it was to focus SOLEY on bug fixes, outside of the fun gifts and badges and checkmarks and merch. Implementing new features wasn’t going to save this site, but fixing the bugs and implementing a way to teach new users how the site is used at the most basic level may have, because your issue is NOT that tumblr isn’t a fun, interactive platform as it was without tumblr live - your issue was that it’s reputation precedes it. And if it’s reputation precedes it and you don’t make an effort to make those who are curious want to stay, that’s where your influx of people went.

They came here because Twitter was dying and had no idea what to do, weren’t used to using xkit to fix the site, didn’t find the constant lag and glitches endearing, and left.

It wasn’t that we didn’t have an extremely data-insecure live-streaming service.

@staff , thanks for trying to listen. I saw it, I promise.

#tumblr

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angelosearch · 3 months

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Writing, and how it helps with a loud brain.

I am not an unusual person with mental illness in the sense that I think, a lot. My brain constantly searches for things to chew on, and it's natural inclination is toward self-criticism/hatred.

The thoughts move fast. I'll start with one concept and then other ideas get swept up with it. Supporting scenarios get analyzed. Social interactions get recontextualized. It builds momentum in the quiet, and the faster it gets, the louder it seems, until I feel like I've been sucked into an inescapable thought-tornado.

The trick is to slow it down early with some sort of intervention.

There are plenty of interventions that no longer serve me that are very effective - things that amounted to escapism, sometimes unconsciousness. At one time, I was so opposed to being with my own brain, I would avoid going home. I'd go out to bars every night, spending more money than I had, drinking more than I should, sharing my time with people I no longer know. I would stay at work long past my shift.

When I had to go home, I became set on clouding my mind until it was completely opaque. If all else failed, I just slept to avoid myself. I abused benadryl at one point so I could sleep through my days.

I've done a lot of work to understand where these thoughts come from, how to challenge them, and how to slow them, but there are still times when the thought-tornado touches down and picks up my perverbial brain-cow and takes it for a whirl. But I don't fear the funnel like I used to.

Writing helps me in multiple ways.

For one, if I chose to write out the negative thoughts instead of just thinking them, the narrative distance helps them feel less true. I also write slower than I think, so if I concentrate on capturing the ideas, I will never catch up. It's harder for the speed of the thoughts to build, especially in pen.

There is an element of escapism, but not to the point of avoidance. I will often start writing while I am trying to calm down, and then, once more level, I will come back and think about things more clearly. I also process a lot of what I think and feel through writing, even in fanfiction. Sometimes I give my characters the breakdown I am on the verge of, and the degree of separation makes it less severe.

And then, of course, writing is just fun sometimes. I get excited about ideas and it puts the self-hating thoughts on pause. It only takes a few minutes of a mindful activity to calm the nervous system, and it is important I don't let the thought-tornado hit those power lines.

I enjoy writing so much that I have learned to live more effectively with these thoughts. I don't want to run away from my brain, because yes, it is mean to me sometimes, but also it can create wonderful things. I find myself doing less and less to alter my state of consciousness because I want to be able to write. I can sit with myself, and that is something that, as an adult, I could not do until recently.

To mix metaphors here, I will tell you what I told my therapist this week:

My head used to be like a shitty gas station at night. I wanted to be in and out quickly, get what I needed and run. It was not a welcoming place, or a place that felt safe, and I would never go unless I needed to.

Now, my head more like a mid-teir grocery store (Safeway) a few days before a holiday. It's busy and stressful and over-stimulating, but I will go, and it will be safe, just a little frustrating. I will linger sometimes because I'll find an interesting product or I'll be willing to wait at the deli. As maddening as it can be, there will be some part of there experience to enjoy - maybe the early 2000s soft rock song over the PA or the fact the thing I needed was on sale.

Someday, I hope my head is like a really nice grocery store (Wegmans) at a time when it is empty, maybe at 5 am when they bring out the fresh bagels. Then, I won't mind wandering for hours.

Anyway that was a tangent, but I was writing this to calm a thought-tornado and, guess what? It worked. Writing for the win, ya'll.

#Personal essay #writing about writing #Mindfulness #Art therapy #Drawn out metaphors because that is my shtick.

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aguamarinee · 1 year

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【 𝑨 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒕 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 &𝑻𝑬𝑨𝑴 𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒕𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕, 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕.】

➪ 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff, angst if you squint, female reader

➪ 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭: "Still waiting for my first dance."

➪ 𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: Instead of one partner for the occasion, reader meets nine. She has the opportunity to spend prom with each of them a little bit, but towards the end, the final choice is a much harder decision than it should be.

; 𝐎𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞 #9

➪ 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: EJ × reader

➪ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 1,5k (This is clearly not a drabble anymore, but my excuse is that this was the last part so I had to include the full ending lol.)

...You have been feeling it for a while now, but as the night went on you longed to go home more and more.

By now you were convinced you lost every last bit of wanting to have fun, or the need to socially interact with anyone.

'You guys should kiss each other!' Harua's friend group shouted before your last photo session and that's when you realized you're too tired for this.

So slowly, but you started to head toward the exit after your photos were done.

You drank another bottle of champagne between the waiting — because the printing took some time —, and saw some of your classmates from afar, enjoying themselves while you smiled to yourself.

At least the people you like were having a good time here, so you thought you won't leave with completely negative thoughts after the incident with your partner.

You were forming a slight plan in your head, to try and call him when you're home, or text him a longer paragraph, asking for an explanation about his absence tonight.

Or maybe you'll do it tomorrow, you just felt tired especially emotionally after an evening like this, so you just wanted to get home, take a hot bath, and concentrate on yourself.

After your photos were done you said goodbye to Harua, the boy who you considered the true savior of your night with his endearing personality, he kept you company a bit, but you refused to go on with him and his friend group.

He was understanding and the two of you parted ways, you walking towards the exit, and him rejoining his friends who were still waiting.

As you looked back one last time it seemed like the crowd reduced a bit, but it was to be expected, you were here for about two hours by now, and surely some couples already left on their own.

You stepped out, the cool night air welcoming you once again with a harsh breeze, but it felt nice.

You were already thinking about facing your parents, debating how detailed will you tell them what happened tonight.

Although, do they have to know?

You can settle this on your own, right?

It would feel a bit embarrassing after sending them away with so much confidence in the beginning, but... at the end of the day, they deserve to know.

As a last resort you walked across the small garden once again to calm yourself, dialing your dad's number, but as you were mindlessly sightseeing you spotted another presence not so far away.

He didn't notice you, he seemed too occupied by a book, sitting by the only tiny coffee table in the whole garden.

He was wearing a formal dark grey suit so he was probably a graduate too, but why was he outside like that..?

It was awkward, the way you just couldn't tear your eyes away from his form, trying to guess what book is he holding but as you stepped a bit closer, still trying to remain discreet your phone suddenly lit up as your dad picked up the call and you forgot you like to redirect every call onto the speakerphone.

So the cute guy with glasses immediately noticed you from afar.

"H-Hi, dad!" You hurriedly spoke, turning away from him so he doesn't see your face.

You fiddled with your phone, turning it off from the speaker and you tried to walk away, but your heels didn't do you justice so you probably looked very clumsy to the guy across from you.

You knew he was still staring, but hoped he didn't hear your words clearly as you told your dad to give you a lift because you're tired, hastily trying to dismiss his guesses about your partner.

When he finally agreed you heard him call for your mom so you said goodbye and hung up.

You sighed, hanging your head a bit, and then slowly walked to the other side of the garden, close to the cute guy, and sat down on a spacious outdoor sofa that looked comfortable enough until your parents are here.

"...Sorry you had to see that, I didn't want to stare." You apologized after a minute since you felt like he was still looking at you.

From the corner of your eye, you saw him slightly jump in his seat.

"It's fine..." He laughed shyly. "I was staring too, so you caught me red-handed as well. I'm Euijoo by the way." He smiled your way and closed the book in his lap with a slight pinkish tint to his cheeks.

It's going to take at least 20 minutes until your parents arrive... so a little talking doesn't hurt.

"How come you're outside? Are you some sort of guard here?" You asked out of curiosity.

"No, I'm an attendee just like you," Then he tapped the small bouquet on his suit showing that he has a partner. "but my partner left about 30 minutes ago with her friends, saying that I was a bit boring. I don't know where they went but probably to one of their homes, for girl's night or something." He shrugged his shoulders, a soft smile still present on his lips.

"That's quite harsh..." You replied quietly.

"When I offered her that we can go to a park late at night and stargaze, or I could read something to her to escape from the loud party, she said that she doesn't mind the party. I guess we just had a different idea about prom." Then he made eye contact with you. "After we danced."

Both of you sighed at the same time.

"And you? Were you calling your friends? I saw that you exited alone." He asked in a soft voice, trying not to sound rude.

"No, actually I was calling my dad to take me home. I had enough of the party." You chuckled a bit gloomily, he just nodded with a hum.

You were grateful he didn't pry and asked about your experience further on, it seemed like he understood without words as well.

"And how are you going to go home?" You asked again after a minute of comfortable silence.

"Oh, I asked my friend Yixiang to give me a ride, he should be here soon." He smiled.

"He's still inside the venue?" You got surprised.

"Yes, well, he said that he's still enjoying the last bits of the party, probably going wild on the dance floor or something. He's a very good dancer." He laughed and you almost melted by his honey-like voice. "So I came out to read until then, but I trust him, he will be here shortly. His tolerance isn't that high either." He nodded, still smiling.

"Ah, what are you reading?" You leaned a bit forward to show your interest.

"The Little Prince." He raised to book to show the cover. "It's one of my favorites from childhood, so nowadays I started to reread it." He pushed up his reading glasses and grinned sheepishly.

You gazed at the cover, it seemed very lovely so you were sure it was a children's book, but you found his enthusiasm cute nonetheless.

"Do you want me to read for you?" He leaned closer too and his voice dropped a bit, almost whispering to you.

"Sure, I'd like that." You smiled warmly at him because this seemed to be the perfect distraction right now, a cute guy reading to you to ease your mood.

You listened to his every word as he started, his soothing, comforting, honey-like voice, ever so sweet to your ears and that tiny smile he wore while he went on...

You had no idea how many pages the two of you got through but his friend was nowhere to be seen when you saw a familiar car pull up opposite the venue.

You stood up, quickly waving to your parents to make yourself noticeable, and then awkwardly said goodbye to Euijoo, thanking him for keeping you company and hoping that this Yixiang arrives soon to take him home.

You walked away with a small sigh, leaving behind a stressful and disappointing night, but with these last memories in mind, you had something nice to remember, also the photos that you held in your hand the whole time.

You mentally prepared yourself that when the car door closes behind you you'll have to be honest with your parents, or at least tell the reason why you need to leave so early.

But as you looked back on Euijoo to check on him from afar one last time, you caught another person by his side this time.

Slightly shorter than him but with a similar build, blonde locks pulled back to expose his forehead, and that face, those smouldering eyes and stare you somehow remembered even from afar.

Also his navy-colored suit, no doubt it was him... The guy you met beside the female lavatory.

So how come he's Yixiang? Didn't he tell you his name was Nicholas?

....What kind of a liar is he?

But the car's starting engine cut your thoughts short, the scenery slowly drifting away as the vehicle fell into a comfortable pace, going towards your home and you finally relaxed against your seat.

The event was over, for you at least.

You felt at ease at last, this was the first moment in hours when you didn't think about your missing partner.

You were over it finally.

【𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤.】

➪ 𝐀/𝐍.: Idk, was the ending too bittersweet? I wanted this to be a cute, lighthearted, and upbeat type of short series with everyone giving silly compliments, but now it feels like a bit of a guilt trip haha.

➪ 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 【𝐌 𝐀 𝐒 𝐓 𝐄 𝐑 𝐋 𝐈 𝐒 𝐓】 !

Tagging: @nichoswag

#Spotify #&team #andteam #&team scenarios #&team x reader #&team fanfic #&team euijoo #&team ej #andteam ej #&team drabbles #&team reactions #&team fluff #&team imagines #byun euijoo

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 1 year

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Hi everyone,

I found another article about ADHD burnout from WebMD. This will be another long excerpt, so I apologize:

ADHD Burnout

What Is Burnout?

Burnout can affect your home, work, and social life, says David Goodman, MD, assistant professor, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine in Baltimore, director of the Adult Attention Deficit Disorder Center of Maryland, and an expert with CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder).

Goodman describes burnout this way:

You no longer take interest or pleasure in your normal activities.

You see allies (like co-workers) as enemies who are burdening you with more and more work.

You withdraw because you believe it’s impossible to get things done.

Why Can ADHD Make Burnout Worse?

The symptoms of ADHD – like not being organized, trouble paying attention, and poor time management – add to burnout.

ADHD burnout is a specific kind of burnout, says Amber Meeks, who has ADHD and is a mental health advocate from Murfreesboro, TN. Part of the problem is that “people with ADHD work harder to do the things most people do with little effort.”

Imagine yourself on an interactive exercise bicycle, Goodman says. You pedal faster and faster to try to keep up with others, your heart rate hits its peak and you can’t pedal any harder. But, even your best isn’t good enough and you fall behind the standard of others.

How Do You Know You're Burned Out?

Look for these ADHD burnout symptoms:

Lack of motivation:

“If you like working out 5 days a week, you’re probably not going to be doing that. Or, if you enjoy playing with your kids you’ll do less of that,” Goodman says.

Exhaustion

“You feel tired all the time no matter how much rest you get,” Meeks says.

Poor Performance

You may not be able to focus on the work at hand. “It may feel impossible to do anything, even when it’s really important,” Meeks says.

Pain

Stress also can trigger things like stomachaches and headaches.

Irritability

You snap at people. You yell at the kids because they spilled milk on the floor. Or you get mad at your spouse because they forgot something at the grocery store.

Troubled Emotions

You withdraw or can’t smile at people, Goodman says. “I tend to get weepy and sad when I’m burned out,” Meeks says.

Negativity or Pessimism

It can feel almost impossible to be positive about anything, Meeks says. This is especially true in the areas that are causing your burnout – whether it’s school, work, or home life.

How Do You Break the Burnout Cycle and Recover?

The first step is recognizing and accepting that you are burned out. “If your friends and loved ones say you aren’t doing well, don’t take it as a criticism,” Goodman says. Educate yourself about burnout and then get some help from a mental health professional.

Here’s what else you can do:

Know your limits

Some people think they can pile it all on their plate and carry it even though it’s dripping off the plate, Goodman says. You need to face the fact that your expectations sometimes go beyond what you can actually do. This is where therapy can help you see that you need to balance expectations with reality.

Learn to prioritize

“You won’t be able to juggle 12 balls at once,” Goodman says. You need to pick six that you can juggle well and the other six need to be put to the side until you have more time for them. Setting priorities is difficult for people with ADHD. “It’s either I need to do it now or if it’s not due yesterday it doesn’t need to be done until tomorrow. The problem is something comes up tomorrow that’s urgent and that’s how things mount up.”

Just say “no.”

People with ADHD often are people pleasers, have a hard time saying no, and overcommit themselves, Meeks says. “Practice saying no and not feeling guilty about it. The people in our lives should be understanding of the need to keep ourselves safe and healthy,” she adds.

Get some rest

Don’t feel guilty about taking a breather. People with ADHD spend their whole lives being told that they aren’t trying hard enough. As a result, they often push themselves as hard as possible, Meeks says. “Resting feels ‘lazy,’ a word that has been used against us like a weapon for most of our lives.”

If it’s broken, fix it

If your ADHD symptoms seem out of control, talk to your doctor. You may need to add or change medication or learn better organization and time-management skills. This can help you get through your days with fewer stumbling blocks and more confidence.

The full article will be linked down below as always. I hope many of you found this helpful and educational.

#adhd #adhd post #adhd burnout #what is adhd burnout #sings of adhd burnout #adhd burnout recovery #mental health #source: WebMD #feel free to share/reblog #tw bright colors #tw eye strain

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hazard-and-friends · 1 year

Text

Week 1

Socialization

Watching people and dogs politely when they pass (so so atm, a little wary of people and then warms up VERY fast, and over excited of dogs)

Exposure to different surfaces/regular outdoor objects (grass, mud, bark, weird trees, parking lots, storm drains, etc)

Car/truck watching (wary here as well)

Vet visit! Car ride, everything about being at the vet (strangers touching her, being manipulated, doing her new skills in a new location, smells, sounds, things in her mouth ears and ass, being taken back for shots & nasal spray...) etc etc etc

Household noises (garbage disposal, children/adults outdoors, dish washer, oven, microwave, electric kettle, white noise machine, every possible noise from computers, shower fan, etc). Have NOT done the vacuum yet.

Outside of the vet have met a couple people, a nice young man who lives across the hallway, and a woman + two of her kids (aged about 1 and 4) and STROLLER. Big victory all around for K'seil who thought this was all delightful once she thought about it.

Went to the park today and was exposed to LOTS of screamy children, a few strange dogs, adults chatting, playground equipment (visual only), etc etc etc.

In-home skills

Play with Hazard in the morning/afternoon can be largely uninterrupted, he's doing much better at handicapping himself. Evenings are still a struggle. She's not afraid of him at all anymore.

She does need to be supervised when she goes to interact with Penny. She's trying VERY hard to get her to play (play-bows and everything) and Penny is Not Interested.

Potty training is...coming along. We've yet to have a day without accidents. They're no longer entirely my fault (I mean, they are, but not because I'm delaying taking her out). The last couple days they've been more because she was busy and got distracted and peed. She's perfectly happy to pee/poop outside, anywhere as long as it's grass (sure), on leash, etc.

I now have a bucket inside her pen fastened so it's HARDER to tip over, and a "splash proof" bowl outside her pen. This has dramatically reduced the amount of digging behavior in water. I live in hope we'll be able to go back to the regular bowls by the time she's a teen.

She's good about going in/being put in her crate or pen--thus far I haven't put them on cue or gotten a voluntary entry, I'm mostly putting food in and releasing her to go in. Once in, she might fuss a bit (especially in the crate at night) but then passes out. Overnight she only fusses if she has to pee.

Reinforcement skills

Did not come with the ability to find food on the ground (lmao bless, I love babies), now knows how to do that and is getting better at finding treat scatters

Treat scatter will be on "find it" but that's a WIP

Knows both the clicker and "yes", and today was able to distinguish between two clickers (box vs button) and remember which one was 'hers'. Both refer to treat delivery from hand (or if you're FRAGILE and TENDER, on the ground).

Can work a snuffle mat and snoop, will introduce other treat dispensing puzzles next week

Worked out like, half of the kong with canned dog food. I'll try again with kibbles mixed in.

Tug is eh, she'll tug a bit but won't bring it back at all

Fetch is nonexistent 🤣

Can usually follow a tossed treat

Cues

Sit: Hand signal and verbal sometimes. Came preinstalled with sit as a mand behavior

Touch: Sometimes.

K'seil as a focus: MUCH better than it should be for the amount of work we've done tbh!

recall is currently pup-pup-pup-puppy!!! which she's very good at

#i see littermate owners teaching like heel and wait with treats on paws and i'm like #whatever she loves me we'll go from there #she loves me she trusts me she'll come to me outside if she's scared #everything else can come later #bucket full of starlight #training log

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petewentzisblack1312 · 9 months

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hi i wanted to ask something but also share something personal as well. my q is: do you feel like your relationship w social media has changed? meaning, do you catch / notice when you are on it for too long and you start to notice, and then you say: okay let's take a break. for me, i have been online for a long time ever since i was a kid, and now my relationship to it is i only limit myself an hour to being on my phone. as an adult now i am no longer social media "obsessed". like, when i am in school i am not thinking about online, i am present when im at school. i feel like i am really close to just deleting sm tbh. it does not grant me happiness like it used to. now as an adult i feel this need to live my life freely.

i also wanted to ask what are ur thoughts on content influencers? to me when i see these ppl i think...i could never post about everything about my life, but then again understanding that it is just a highlight reel. no one is posting every sad / frustrating thing that happens in their life as influencer, only the "great" parts.

this is an interesting question! i think ive never really had a relationship to social media where i feel like i need to post constantly or felt pressured to share everything. while im definitely the most online out of my household, compared to a lot of other people im not really very present online. i dont like using twitter, i only really use instagram to look at and post art and occasionally post a picture of my cat or nature or food on my main account, i dont really get up to much and i never use facebook unless i have to. i hate it. even here on tumblr i dont post a lot about my personal life unprompted, and this is the social media site i use the most by far. i do scroll tumblr a lot, i do watch a lot of youtube videos (though almost exclusively video essays on politics and recently also artist vlogs) and i do notice myself scrolling a bit too much, particularly when im overstimulated but instead of doing something less stimulating im anxious and looking for a distraction so i like. scroll harder. but ive never been like doing something else and thought 'man, i wish i was scrolling right now'. i dont really know. i do have trouble putting my phone down, like when i need to sleep, but i have trouble putting ANYTHING down. games, books, art or writing or projects im working on, music im listening to, i dont think tumblr is special, its just another activity for me to be distracted by.

all that being said, i did leave social media for a while. i had a really bad experience in a fandom on tumblr (not the pwams incident. that led me to step away from bandom and move to another fandom) and honestly it made me realise that the problem i had with social media wasnt that i was using it too much, but that i had a toxic relationship with the communities i was interacting with on there. the nature of my relationship to social media was unhealthy, not the fact that i had one that was a large part of my life. i think when i wasnt using any social media i actually wasnt in a great place either, because i was isolated from people id cared about, especially since i had just undergone a very traumatic incident, and because of that became very isolated from my in person friends as well, even before the pandemic pushed me away from even the acquaintances i had made. i was worried about coming back to tumblr, but i think ive grown and learned in such a way that i know how i like to comport myself in cyberspaces, and that its been good for me in a way. which is weird, but. i think id kind of have to go in depth about my life and how the pandemic affected me and the specific nature of coming of age in st lucia and stuff. which i dont want to do haha.

as for influencers. i hate the concept. i understand it, and i dont universally hate influencers as a whole, but like. theres this specific kind of content creator where the thing they are sharing is just their life and there isnt like a specific thing theyre logging, like an artist sharing their creative process and how they manage their life around that, or a chef sharing recipes, and its not like theyre doing it just to do it, they have the goal of growing a following, and theyre not advertising anything but themself, like JUST themself, as a person-brand, and i find that so deeply annoying and repulsive. and like thats strong wording its a dog eat dog world and the girlies of all genders need to secure the bag like i get it. i get it. but its revolting to me. like. the vlogbrothers werent trying to get famous they were using youtube to communicate with each other and as an open video diary and people found them to be interesting personalities to watch. right. do you get it. annoyingly i gotta put myself out there if i want people to find my art and pins and stuff so i have to fuckin. make videos. sell people on me. the idea of making vlogs makes me dry heave bc im not important i dont want to have to sell myself like im important i dont want to put my face on a camera and implicitly say with every quirky performed statement i make 'i matter, pay attention to me, i need to exist so look at me' but unfortunately i might have to. a video essay i could do. thats me saying something. but a vlog? with the goal of people finding my stuff? good god. it sounds like poison.

#dils declares #my tripod is broken so im using that as an excuse to not vlog.#i can do shortform video. thats dispassionate.#thats 60 seconds of selling myself or more likely my stuff in a highly edited way #there is no veneer of authenticity. no kayfabe.#i can do that.#but a whole fucking vlog? nauseating.

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holyshit · 2 years

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Care to spare some advice on how to not be so affected by things without stepping back from fandom for multiple years lmao? It seems like for so many people, the longer they have been here, the easier it is for them. For me it's the opposite. The longer I'm in fandom the sadder and more frustrated I get that hl's situations are what they are 12 years on. And then I get frustrated with people who act like where they're at now is no big deal or sooo much better than before. It's a cycle lol.

hmm, i think it's tough because a lot of the things that helped me are most easily achieved by distancing yourself because that's the easiest way to gain perspective about the situation. when you’re actively in it, it’s much harder to break out of patterns you’re accustomed to. but i think the main "lessons" i learned from being away were essentially:

1) recognizing my own powerlessness in their situation. being away made it especially clear that my presence in the fandom does not affect anything. i am not able to change anything about their situation. if i continued being in fandom for those 4-ish years that i was away from fandom, the situation would still be exactly the same as it is now for them. i cannot give up my own happiness for something i cannot change.

2) similarly, the need to dismantle the parasocial relationship i had with them. it’s one thing to feel compassion for human beings you don’t personally know- that is a wonderful trait and important for the world! but, it’s another thing to feel like you “owe” anything to a celebrity you do not know personally and who does not even know you exist. sometimes, when you’re in deep, it almost feels like you would be “failing” them by not being angry enough or invested enough. that’s where it gets unhealthy, because the relationship of a fan and a celebrity is one-sided, and therefore, again, it comes down to the fact that you can’t give up your own happiness for something you cannot control in the life of a celebrity you do not personally know. no one owes a celebrity they like their mental well-being, no matter how much you feel compassion for them.

3) the recognition that fandom is supposed to be fun. it’s obvious, but sometimes it becomes less clear the deeper you get that some of the things you think you’re doing for fun aren’t actually that fun to you anymore lol. obviously nearly any interest is gonna make you angry or sad occasionally (your sports team loses, your fave character gets killed off in your favourite show, etc), but if your resting state is anger or sadness, it’s maybe not in your best interest to continue, or you need to change the way you interact with said hobby. your hobby shouldn’t be making you miserable, as that is just gonna bleed into the rest of your life.

SO, for actual advice that doesn’t involve leaving for years:

taking short breaks! you don’t have to take years away to still give yourself some space from the fandom. it can be a day, a week, a month, or even just cutting down on the amount of time you spend on tumblr (or social media of choice) in general for a while without leaving completely. when i feel like something is getting me riled up a bit more than usual, i usually step away for even just a day, and even just that calms me down and gives me perspective. if you want to take a break but still want to know what’s going on, you can also just pick one or two blogs that you know don’t post much drama and solely pay attention to those blogs while you’re away.

enriching your other hobbies. take some of the time you would normally spend reading shit in this fandom, and use it to do something else you enjoy. the more time you spend “away”, even if you still are in the fandom, the less critically important everything will eventually feel in your brain and it will often be easier to detach emotionally. when you’re unhappy in other parts of your life, it’s much easier to let one thing “take over”, and it’s important to make room for other things in your life.

if you feel like you need a hyperfixation of sorts, i’d say try out different fandoms. watch that show your friend told you they know you’ll love and then try to make a sideblog or something and join the fandom. join a fandom of a piece of media you already love but never was involved in fandom for. again, it can help you distance yourself emotionally a bit without leaving entirely

figure out what parts you ACTUALLY enjoy in this fandom, and figure out what parts you may think you enjoy but are actually making you more anxious/obsessive/angry/upset than anything. as a personal example, i used to be heavily into theorizing back in 2015-2016, especially during babygate. i would be obsessed with reading up on everyone’s theories about when babygate would end, how it might end, etc, and would spend a lot of time reading about it. i thought i enjoyed it at the time, but in reality it was more of an obsession that made me much more upset than i had to be. reading up on theories, getting my hopes up, and then have them not happening was miserable and not worth it and ultimately lead me to leave the fandom

similarly, try to break some of your fandom habits and see if you’re happier without them. as another personal example, i used to pay extreme attention to stunt stuff and wanted to be 100% caught up on everything at all times. as a byproduct of that, i would keep up with every post a couple blogs that talked about stunts would make. when i got super busy with a work project, it forced me to take a break from this because i didn’t have the time to keep up with everything, and breaking that habit of needing to know EVERYTHING and be totally caught up made me snap out of the habit and recognize i didn’t need that to enjoy my time in fandom, and in fact it took a weight off my shoulder and made me realize it wasn’t actually making me happy.

unfollow blogs that make you upset!!! even if you like the person, if they talk about things that get you riled up or upset often, it’s likely not worth it. if you hate-follow people to keep up with their opinions that piss you off, unfollow! if you’re stewing in anger all the time, it’s easier to stay unhealthily invested to your happiness’ detriment.

focus on things you CAN control. you can control your fandom experience. you can contribute to fan projects that make the fandom a better place and in some cases can positively contribute to l’s or h’s experiences (like the rainbow lights projects, for example). you can control how you interact with your fellow fans. don’t give all your energy to things that you cannot control.

lol this was an essay, but i think it’s an interesting topic and i hope it can help even a little bit!

#asks #anonymous #*

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crazycookiemaniac · 2 years

Text

In case anyone would bother to read this post...

I am extremely embarrassed and ashamed to do this this. I am also 100% aware this is just one more in many many others cries for help. In no way I want anyone to feeling sorry or obligated to do something for me if they aren't willing or aren't in any condition to something.

If you don't know me already, people call me Cookie. I'm a fan artist, not super talented or special or anything but I've made a living off commissions for years, as drawing is the only thing I've ever been interested in my life. Aside from that, I do not feel capable of learning or studying anything else.

If you've known me and followed me for a while, you know that I suffer from what I'm suspecting are now multiple mental illnesses and also some physical conditions. I have saught treatment for years, but my condition only worsened as I attempted su1cid3 last year and had to stay at a psychiatric hospital for almost two months. When I came back, I was completely unable to draw, and it was most likely due to the medication.

I spent a while longer with my psychiatrist and decided she didn't really understand what was going on with me, since the last mediation she prescribed wasn't even for my original condition and (as a side effect) made me isolate myself in my room for almost a month. I stopped eating, drinking water, showering and taking care of other basic necessities, as well as interacting with people.

After that, i consulted myself with 2 other psychiatrists, and none prescribed me anything to calm me down during severe panic/anxiety/sui1c1d4l crisis. So I had to look for another doctor and straight up told him that if he didn't do something to save me, I was going to k1ll mys3lf. Because I would, I'm serious, I've searched everywhere including the deep web and I know what works and what doesn't. So he prescribed me really strong medication (the one I actually wanted him to) and I'll be taking it every day for 15 days so we can go from there.

I could write an entire book about my feelings and the stuff I've gone through until now to try and take care of myself, but in the end I'm really just one more story. Nothing about me stands out and I'm not more important than anyone else.

It's pretty obvious I'm writing this because I'm ready to swallow all shame and embarrassment to ask for donations. I don't care if it's just 1 cent. 1 cent is more than what I have, anyway. Of course, the money would be used for my own debts... I didn't want to ask my family for help so I ended up getting 2 loans from the bank expecting that I'd be able to function properly again sometime soon, but in all honesty I doubt I'll ever be able to call myself an artist again.

I also want to issue a refund to all the people who commissioned me back in late February (2022) that haven't gotten any updates from me due to my health issues. As much as they have been extremely kind, patient and understanding, I can't leave them hanging on when I don't even know if I'll be able to draw again... At least professionally.

And lastly... I want to eventually pay back my mom for all the numerous doctor appointments and ridiculous amounts of expensive medication she had to buy for me, especially since most if them didn't work in the least.

I'm tired of living. I'm tired of trying. I feel embarrassed having to write this, as I feel embarrassed of almost everything I've ever done in my life. I'm sorry you're the people I turn to when things get like this. I only have my family... My mom has limited amount of money but said that she'd sell our house if she needed more money to pay for my treatment. My older sister has some money, but she worked hard to save it for years to buy her own house. My other sister doesn't currently have a job and also suffer from mental issues (making the toll a lot harder on my mom).

Social media is how I grew as someone with a least a level of importance. If people around the world can

somehow feel like this is an important thing enough for them to share a couple cents, that would really mean a lot to me. In no way I am expecting to pay off all my debts and give everyone a refund like I mentioned...

It's just that, for the past year, I have become a huge burden to the family I love very much. I do not believe it's their responsibility to pay for the consequences of my actions. I also don't believe it's a stranger's responsibility to do that either. While I do consider the internet my second family, people come from different backgrounds and I don't know all of you personally. I know it's very hard for my family to deal with me every day, but I may not be as big a burden to you than I inevitably am to them.

All I know is that it hurts me and makes the pain so much more intense to see my mom being financially responsible for me when I should be able to take care of everything myself. It hurts when she brings food to my room when I can't get out of bed. It hurts to hear her ask me to please try to shower when I have no energy to do so. It hurts when she says 'everything will be okay' because I know it won't. So in the very least, if at all possible, I would not like to take her hard earned money. She is my mother, but she is not responsible for my mental disorder.

This is a very personal note. I'm sure people are used to reading, gossiping and intruding (even if unintentionally) on other people's lives like that. But I feel lost. I have no ground. Money is an issue no one can shake off.

If you feel inclined to help me deal with my current situation, please consider donating to www.ko-fi.com/crazycookiemaniac. The money, as I mentioned, will go to refund commissioners, pay for bills (card, doctors, medications). Even if I get anything I'll most likely not get enough to do everything I need, but if by any chance there's any change left, I'll try buying my mom a mother's day gift that I failed to buy since I didn't have money.

In return to your favor, due to my mental health issues, I unfortunately can't promise anything... But I will try to keep drawing. Because that's what I do, even if it's not good, and that's why some of you follow me for.

Thank you for reading this far if you did. If you feel any of your followers would consider sharing this or donating, that would be much appreciated too 💖

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sugar-petals · 3 years

Text

sub!Yuzu | nsfw alphabet

🌹 NOTE ⇢ content for our fave figure skater, the legend himself. mr. yuzuru hanyu is 1000% dom candy and i’m here to honor it at length ⛸

— WORDS. 5k

tags + warnings. dom/sub dynamics, femdom!reader, role reversal hc, smut, kinks, cum play, spanking, sex toys, very freaky yuzu, kitten play, mdlb, crying kink, food play, prostate orgasms, bondage, some deeper stuff & angsty bits, asthma mention, aftercare

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Once the cat ears come off, who is Yuzuru Hanyu not to remain in character for a while. For the shits and giggles, and because it’s cozy. Once a catboy, always a catboy, it’s the law of the land. Curling up, kneading at you for the head pats and massages, you know the programme.

Also: Yuzu is famously soft-spoken and always finds the right thing to say. So, stimulating conversation for the cooldown. This is literally so nice. He’s unafraid to reflect everything in detail, say what he preferred, what you could change up together, what he wants to try next. The afterglow is not just physical, as in you give him something to drink, it’s 70% verbal which is very important to him as a consistent habit.

Of course, not to forget: Always gotta have a Winnie Pooh plushie ready. He embraces it readily and, as we know him, does some roleplay right then and there. Yuzu, professional cutiepie he is, is the kinda sub who treats all plush and pillow stuff as alive and breathing. You as his domme are in on the play and also treat his things as holy as they are to him. That Yuzu lets you into that world is the biggest compliment you can possibly get.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

We all know Yuzu’s godly ass and thighs. Or the staggering waist and beautiful black hair that makes him a total bombshell in his classic comb-back styles. His face is soft and expressive and so damn unique, his legs muscular and long, his back and tummy chiseled, the list goes on and on. Jesus, he has so many great features. All body parts a masterpiece. That are all capable of god-tier contortionism on top of that, gotta mention it in passing. Just so you know if you haven’t seen him bend his every limb into directions you wouldn’t believe are humanly possible.

Interestingly though. If he chooses, Yuzu picks his feet: They are his most important instrument and weak spot. His ankles are where the magic happens. So, you taking care of them a little would mean the world to him, imagine a candle light massage. Not to worry, no-gross-alert. Yuzu has perfect and cute feet. That’s gonna be a Victorian moment, oh my god I saw his ankles. For his partner, short and simple: He likes a shoulder to lean on. He loves being touchy in general, all body parts are amazing to him. Being in a profession that’s all about the physics, Yuzuru knows about the wonders of the body.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Certified king of cumsluts, doesn’t even hesitate. The more, the merrier. If he’s not covered in sticky stuff, Yuzu would be underchallenged. It’s less about the taste, texture or any degradation, for him it’s the playing around with his tongue. Somebody wants his mouth preoccupied. Give the cat his milk. Feed him his own cum mixed with yours. He’s gonna lap at it and swallow.

Since Yuzu’s dream is a mommy domme baking him something, he just loves the smell of dough and hazelnuts and cinnamon and everything — you know what’s coming: Imagine the food play. Nuts indeed. Anything that even remotely looks like a creampie is something he wants to get his lips on. And Yuzu is not the type to be a foodie at all, let that sink in. Sexual-looking food is just too big a temptation, though. And you spoiling him that way... oh my. Surefire way to end up in bed right after.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Has a butt plug collection. Once almost went on the ice with one in. The more you know. Also— this guy is the kinda type fantasizing to get absolutely railed on a bed of plushies. He has troubles suggesting it to you because he doesn’t want them to get actually dirty. But the idea gets the two of you kind of horny. Sometimes, a thought is better as a fantasy than actually executing it. You can use it for riling up’s sake, whispering it to him during dirty talk. How you’ll bounce on him and ruin him and milk him while he’s splayed out so innocently on your bed. I smell corruption kink.

Another secret Yuzu keeps is just how much he changed his mind about wanting his partner to control everything in bed. He grew up with a pre-defined ideal type of a cute, nice skater girl who’d let the reins very loosely around him, who he can speak Japanese to because he had problems with English, who is small and someone he will protect. It wasn’t something based on experience and trying things out: It was simply expected of him. People wanted the domineering Yuzuru on ice to be that way in private, and make use of his power, be a man, savior, boss.

The reality being: He never felt truly as tough on the ice, nor was he gender-conforming in person. In fact, that is what he became famous for, and it reassured Yuzuru very often how people would accept and actually celebrate this side of him. Which is so refreshing, and a sight to see. The side that was dorky, clingy, childish, gorgeous, and cute has always been there, but now he embraces it more as his comfort place. He has to know what he’s doing in his skating programme and show competitive spirit to achieve his dreams, but that’s where it stops.

His former ideals are something people wanted to hear, it was an adaptation of the environment rather than thinking it through on his own. So, years later — oh boy have things changed. Yuzuru no longer defines his ideal type that way, saying whoever he likes is someone he’d be with. What was a fantasy template and filter is now gone and adapted to his newfound, own preferences. Yuzu is comfortably open-minded rather than being a copy to mainstream. He found fun in speaking English, opened up to the world at large, had more girls around him who he could befriend, grew more confident in his stature, and is well aware — turns out he’s the cute one. Who needs to be taken under a wing. He likes strong-minded girls and says if he had a wife, she’d dominate him. Yuzuru secretly wants her to be in charge entirely, she owns his body and soul. Not in daily life where things are just normal and everyone goes about their business. Sexually, where he surrenders instead, and is taken care of.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

The tale of an introvert. What he knows — he hides it well. Has eyefucked a whole lot of people and is the type to lust like mad from a far distance, and nobody will ever know. Crushes harder than peppercorns in a mill. If he loves someone, it lingers in his mind every split second of the day, may god have mercy on him. And if you know him: Yuzu aims too high to keep it light and easy and clumsy. He hates being an amateur, he’s terrified of starting out something. He dreads not knowing what to do, how exactly to behave, talk, touch, breathe, respond, negotiate, prepare. That’s a hundred percent like hell to him.

Ironically, he has a natural feeling for it and he’s literally amazing in bed, has a sense for social interaction is all the way cute with something valuable to say. But what he believes is something way different. Yuzuru is a diehard, nervous perfectionist. He can only think of it as a rated performance since his mind usually has to work that way to skate well. His esteem is on a knife edge depending on how well he thinks he does. So, the inevitable: He will shy away from sex altogether. He draws immense skating passion from staying celibate, in fact it’s his success secret, but it still eats him up from the inside and makes him frustrated beyond measure. Not even for the pleasure, since he’s so ambitious that’s almost forgotten about, but for being told he did well.

That’s how much he believes sex is a drill and capability test. And it’s sad that he thinks it’s like his skating career, racking up points for the impossible things judges want and being in a deadlock when it comes to showing his artistic side. He feels thrown into cold water if he doesn’t know everything beforehand. If he ever works up the courage, which probably won’t happen, he will pay an expert to learn from rather than let something all over the place happen with a random person or even someone he might like.

Yes, you heard that right. He’d rather see a sex worker than ‘mess up’ his first time according to his sky-high standards. So, Yuzu’s experience remains limited since he’s so 100% do or die, and so anxious, and so torn about social interaction, he doesn’t get how his peers can be playboys and get married and flirt with someone they like and all that. He sort of has an easier time with guys, but girls... he can’t approach. To top it off, he also feels like he’d burden his first time one somebody or embarrasses himself, so he will reject and avoid suitors. Those are usually not the people he crushes so hard on to begin with. It’s bound to be one-sided and he knows, so he will abstain and focus on career and use the cheers of his fans as a substitute.

Truth is, he feels helpless and distant from sex sometimes, especially with his practice-heavy lifestyle and hyper-smart mind, Yuzuru has an intelligence that exceeds what most people can grasp. He’s alone on the ice and Brian as a coach is often the only reference person who truly gets him, and leads him well without being controlling. But that’s professional life. Sexually, Yuzuru is metaphorically: coachless. He surely observed it well when Javier (the #1 ladies man, his opposite) was still active and a social butterfly helping him fit in, but Yuzu would always be worried about his extreme fame and spotless image when introduced to someone fangirling over him. He’d rather prefer someone who comes across as a mentor and solid, loyal-to-death person to look up to. So he would do anything to have someone benevolent like that. Most girls would expect him to be the sex god and expert, but he knows that’s only half of the story and based on his characters on the ice. Yuzu crafts these to counterbalance how he really is — withdrawn and indirect.

Yuzu is extremely calculating and selective, he scans suitors well, protects his reputation, and is mortified of failure. So, he’d rather learn it by the book and from someone he’s not emotionally attached to. In a one-night stand that might also be the case, but he doesn’t know what to expect, and he’s absolutely terrified of sudden sexual vulnerability. He himself often says he values his own struggle between feeling so weak and being strong again

Besides: He’d have problems squeezing hookups into his schedule and lifestyle, he’d have to cut down on things and create a double life. Plus, Yuzu is famously inept with social interaction up close, he flees the noise and unpredictability. So, it’s better to have a long-term partner. If he doesn’t know something yet, he has it down in one day like the single axel. Definitely counts on his partner teaching him.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

We know Yuzu’s signature move is the lean-back Ina Bauer. So, whatever position allows for an arch is the real deal (cough, taking the strap — oh my god his ass is made for it). But anyway, he can pull off anything with that stellar flexibility and core strength.

If I think about it. Yuzu might like sitting on your lap very much. I know it’s not a sex position, I mean it can be once his inner lapdancer awakens or you use a strap-on, I rather mean... just for some sweet moments and making out. But yeah: Fathom Yuzu gyrating on your like that. Not in an outright lascivious manner or Chippendales style. The Hanyu way, with embellishments and all the grace. This is gonna be a huge turn-on and perfect foreplay position.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not much to elaborate here: Yep, Yuzu is true goofball indeed. Really flustered and clumsy when eye-to-eye in missionary, and yet: He’s ultra serious towards the end, there’s gonna be an aggressive staredown before cumming. The feeling gets pretty intense, his duality between silly and ‘yeah, give it to me’ is no joke.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Would probably die from inflammation if he shaved clean under those tight suits and did all these chafe-heavy skating routines. Doesn’t have a lot of body hair to begin with, but for pits and pubes, it’s alive, wild, and decently long. Out of all people, Yuzu cares particularly about aesthetics, but in this case pragmatism will prevail. He doesn’t care too much about it either as long as it doesn’t get in the way of something. Having sex with Yuzu tends to be well um well all about a hundred types of friction so any stubble would be a bad idea.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

You haven’t seen a guy in love like that. It’s a figure skater thing for sure. Since he works to portray these sentiments on the ice daily, hardly anybody can play up feelings so delicately and palpably like Yuzuru. Emotion is what his entire career is built on. He knows how to express himself directly, appropriately, intimately. Couldn’t be any more romantic. Yuzu can’t go without it.

Very passionate, ‘for your eyes only’ kind of atmosphere. Yes, he shows off on the ice, it’s his job (although of course, that word doesn’t really sum up what skating means to him). But private Yuzu is someone you can claim as yours. He will make it clear, he wants to belong to you, he’s yours, dedicated, devotion is the entire point. Less with a slant of what some subs like, very hands-on ownership of a mistress. It’s more emotional. He’s really attached and all smitten. Your private little haven is everything to him.

Talking about little: Yuzu can be quite a pillow prince sometimes. At least when the initiative doesn’t go back and forth as it frequently does, you often alternate with suggestions and ways of tweaking an ongoing play session. You blindfold him or tie his wrists, He might be standard tired from practice or just fascinated to watch you work your magic on him.

He also likes music to set the tone for intimacy, who’s surprised. Prepare: Yuzu likes dramatic classical music all the way. He’s probably one of the few people who can make it more than ‘classy’ and definitely more than cringe. He selects pieces very well. This is gonna be a practice template to cum together when the music reaches its peak. Makes the whole thing full of adrenaline.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Lots of fun to him. Would beat it 24/7 if the ice wasn’t calling him. Drowns himself in lube. This guy’s me-time is so rated R, Cardi B would be inspired to remix WAP to wet ass penis as an anthem just for him. A dry dick is a ruined day for Yuzuru, as is a session without teasing his prostate in whatever way he currently fancies. Once he tried it, he never went back. The intensity knocking him out is something that Yuzu thinks about all the time. Strokes like a pro, does all these little moans, can do it forever, loves the feeling, chases the high. Adrenaline junkie on the ice? No different with his hand around his cock.

Will masturbate everywhere in the house and has to really get his head in the game to make sure he won’t ruin any carpets. So, he always has at least two towels with him. In the kitchen, in front of the TV, in the shower, the bed. Watches his fair share of eclectic porn, he gets really desperate. Especially before you started dating, Yuzu would shut himself in until the lotion ran out. Can jack off to something romantic (he starts crying) or something extreme (he loves shocking himself and ).

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Very curious about sadomasochism. Googles a lot of things that make him hard during the day. Often jawdropped by his research, but once he tries things out with you, nothing can really shock him anymore. Absolutely wants to be collared, it’s his biggest fantasy. Another little secret he has, Yuzu is decked out in skating gloves, right. He wishes he could feel you wearing them, or he keeps them on for sex himself, the lacey transparent ones. Looks especially pretty when his wrists are tied so, major photograpy material. Oh yes, Yuzu likes the camera, he can work it. The guy is photogenic in any position and can strike any angle you want. Your phone background is a new Yuzu snapshot every week already, imagine your gallery, 5800 kinky pictures.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

I’m gonna say it. The frozen lake out of town, late at night, condoms and lube with you. A quickie that will leave your genitals frozen. Yuzu might get stuck inside you because it’s -15 Celsius. Call that fantasy on ice. Jokes aside: Come on, Yuzu is the biggest ever hermit homebody. The couch will have a bunch of indents after your week-long fucking sessions after he comes home training. Also, at his desk while he does work for university. You ride him, Yuzu studies. Double the ambition. His dick is completely sore. The lake out of town thing might go down, but without sex. Just skating together under the stars, Yuzu doing amazing spins and spirals around you, very very romantic.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Yuzu is a crazed Sagittarius. Have you seen these men? They just want it all. Must be the influence of Jupiter. Zeus was definitely vibing that way. And yes, Yuzu has borderline unhealthy gold medal thinking in bed. He wants to be not just good but damn good with pleasing you. If you don’t have a good time and head home without an orgasm, he’ll consider himself a failure. Yuzu won’t cut himself any slack there. You’d have a hard time changing his ways into something more chill and moderate. Instead, you will see the benefits of rolling with it once you see how improvement fuels him and does make sex really mindblowing.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Couldn’t do things like slapping you, spanking. Yuzu makes for a terrible daddy dom, it’d not suit him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Cum-dripping oral mess, Yuzu is the brave kind. Totally into it, and can’t resist a good blowjob. Will act different afterwards, there’s a lot of erotic tension. “This evening again?” is what those eyes are saying.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Outstanding kinesthetic intelligence. Every inch of his body follows his intent, and yours if you have him take on certain ways of kneeling. Yuzu can do it all, whatever you want. Tantalizing, moderato, overwhelmingly fast. He can take it, he can portray it. And knows the value of a pause like a true connoisseur. Not just when he wants to prevent cumming early, also just because the moment is right. That’s why cockwarming is a staple, as well as you having him wait patiently for kisses. To top it off: If you give him a blowjob, building up the tension by doing nothing is damn effective. The ruined orgasms you’re gonna give him... delicious.

Everything’s gonna have nice transitions as well, no awkward climbing and rolling and tangling limbs. If he gets something from another room that you need, no slouching. The university course as good as the extracurricular activities. Being inconsistent with any subsidiary details? Not in the Hanyu household, he’s keeping it classy. Yuzu feels like if he makes the bridges to new positions even remotely messy, the feeling is killed and it’s as if he’d break character mid-skate. Although he’ll have to practice and refine and test a lot of things because he’s not super experienced and adapting to your own movements is an individualized thing to do, he’s a masterclass of quality, period.

Even when things get fast and heated, nothing feels off. Having that kind of body smartness also means: Yuzu learns by touch, whatever you do. He knows by the way you pull his hair what comes next. How much saliva drips off your tongue when you suck at his neck, he knows how hard you’ll to ravage him in five minutes. This guy observes things you aren’t even conscious of because his physical understanding is just so fine-tuned.

The sense of rhythm, and every skating programme of him will showcase that, unbeatable. Unless his mood is really impacted by something severe, your guy feels it in every bone. He’s an artist, after all, he listens to music all the time. Dissecting rhythms to turn them into movement is what his line of work is all about. The pace will always fit the mood. Everything is precise, but never crude. Instead, the way he moves is dictated by an inherent flow. With little accents that match right with any thrust, like putting his hands on your sides when you’re on top of him.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Hit it Shakira: Whenever, wherever! He seemingly carries an entire condom factory with him. Or, to be more exact: At least three of them.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

This one’s a complicated case. Yuzu being reckless on the ice may or may not mirror in your private life. He might need some downtime, so bring out the soft domme stuff. No trial and error stuff, just going through a routine of things you love the most. On the other hand, he always gives it all. This guy’s endurance at your hands is amazing. Advanced kinds of BDSM he will not feel deterred from at all. Rough toys, anal hooks, sounding, whips, why not is Yuzu’s motto. But then again. He has such a confusing mix of innocence and feeling like he’s completely hardcore. You might end up experimenting a lot, but also not daring the leap sometimes because the mood is different. And then rather go for softer hours, where Yuzu will be all shy shy and more bursting with excitement than ever. A good, interesting mix is what I’m saying.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Yuzuru, once he gets a bit of practice to gauge the situation... Viagra on two legs, absolute unexpected powerhouse. You might end up pondering to work out a little and go for a run because this guy is in a consistently outstanding shape to say the least. Olympic athletes are literally hard to fuck with. And since Yuzu is starfishing sometimes (which is very adorable), or he’s in bondage for some time, that presents a further problem: For a second round, he’s full of energy, while you already spent energy. So, you alternate with who’s active, and the other leans back entirely. He has to remind himself since his body is programmed for it: This is no contest — the point is feeling good.

You might ride him reverse cowgirl all the way while you watch TV, and after the overstimulation fades he will eat you out ad nauseam, full course slobbering, sweeping the whole menu. That way, it’s less about keeping up with him, which would be hard for most people not doing sports at his galactic level. He understands, Yuzu knows he’s not normal in that regard, you don’t have to worry. Some exercise still doesn’t hurt, just to further increase the quality of sex anyway.

Then again: Why go jogging and do some laps wasting valuable together time when Yuzu’s lap is the best workout? And running doesn’t guarantee your stamina in bed is perfect even if it does help. You rather wanna manage how to draw out the arousal. It’s a self-control thing, with the goal of having you match up in every aspect as good as you can. In which case, you can count on him to pull it off: Have you seen Yuzu doing jumps side by side with a bunch of female skaters? Copy paste. This guy knows how to synchronize with the ladies.

Something that has to be mentioned beside that, though. Yuzu has asthma since 2 years old, and it’s often a mind thing to him still these days. He doesn’t let it stop him from sleeping with you because as always, he’s not letting anything get in his way. He has learned to live and thrive with it. But you both have to mind the possibility of an attack, he prevents it with inhalers, and the mood plays a crucial role. Yuzu being comfortable and confident is so important to his breathing, and keeping a good rhythm rather than being chaotic in bed. So, you will plan most of your sexual activities rather than improvising.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Would stuff an entire sex shop into his every available orifice. Yuzu is a toy freak, he wants to try everything. Motto: a new one every day. Well, almost. But he can afford it. Buys stuff he uses solely on himself, things you use on him, things he uses solo and you use on him, and as the cherry on top, every possible high end vibrator on the market for you. Any size, too. This bitch will browse through the latest innovations, prepare to get off. He’s obsessed with seeing you use it on yourself. Yuzu owns a separate phone just for videos of you buzzing your clit, and him fingering you for minutes and minutes.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Extremely so. Loves to be a total brat only to get put into his place. He does it so you’ll pull the chin grab on him. He likes getting choked out as a punishment as well. Yuzu also tends to be very around the corner if you will when it comes to soft subbing, he lays over expecting cuddles but doesn’t say so. Buds his head against your chest, nuzzles, and so on. Lighter forms of teasing come to him very easily. Loves to prompt. Roughhousing, banter, favorite thing.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Moderately loud because his voice is very very light, but unsurprisingly — he’s just beautiful. What a nice tone. Gorgeous whimpering sounds. And when you go hard on him, voice cracks! And really heavy breathing. What’s gonna be the most striking though is his expressiveness. We know it from the ice and interviews, and he can really amp it up even further. No need for screaming, that face will speak the volumes.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You’ll be blessed with him if you have a huge crying kink. Yuzu definitely opens the waterworks every other week in bed. Happy tears, horny tears, relief tears, aftercare tears, orgasm tears, masochist tears, romantic tears, subspace tears, he has it all. He also begs for the type of pain that makes it stream down his face for minutes. He’s touchy-feely all the way and feels like he can really connect with you that way.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

His ass twitching is kind of a spectacle, but I don’t have to tell you, do I. Yuzu has muscles for the gods in there. So voluptuous, you can’t call it any other way. Big booty boyfriend, Jesus you can show him off, he loves it. Around the house, he will flaunt them big ole athlete buns in particular, acting like it’s unintended. Um, Yuzu, those are joggings. Smack it, he is sure to moan.

And may I respectfully mention as well — this guy has some major big ass balls figuratively and literally. How else would someone be motivated to jump a triple axel like it’s nothing. Not kidding, they’re big and round and ugh. His love for tight pants doesn’t help. He knows what your eyes like and dresses just to flex the goods. Screams for more spanking and pinching if you ask me. Yuzu is definitely serving it. Well-endowed, you lucky girl.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Mega horny, ready when you are. On a scale from zero to hundred? Breaching into the 90 percent right there. Yuzu’s hormones are literally insane. On paper he’s 26, but his dick wants the 18th birthday party. Jesus is he gonna be clingy when he’s in the mood. All wrapped around you in a backhug in the kitchen or when you iron a costume of his, and that’s sexy of him. He’s not gonna hide what’s filling out those sweatpants. He’ll desperately grind up against you like it’s Christmas.

Paired with his puppy eyes and little “Do you have some time... I’ll iron this tomorrow” — instant pounce. He’s admittedly a bit hard to keep up with sometimes, though. The reason: With that level of exercise, he has major pent-up energy. That machine is definitely running. Heavy sports changes your hormones, nervous system, and especially blood flow. Now take that to the scale of his performances and regimens? That equals a firework of horny. No wonder he masturbates all the time.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Takes some time. He cools down, sweats it out, chugs water. However, don’t underestimate how tired Yuzu can already be. His daily routines and competitions have a toll on him. Ironically, he’s not a deep sleeper, however. Yuzu might toss and turn and have sudden energy bursts, or ideas, or gets hungry. So, he needs his plushies, he needs a weighted blanket, warm pajamas, a hot cup of his favorite warm drink, a light snack, and you by his side. Spooning him excessively and sometimes even humming to him. Yuzu looks like a certified angel on his pillow, his well-deserved rest from everything is so important, too.

NOTE - hope i could indulge you, thank you for reading!

#yuzuru hanyu #figure skating #yuzuru hanyu smut #yuzuru hanyu smut alphabet #yuzuru hanyu x reader #sub!yuzuru hanyu #sub!yuzu #dom!reader #fs #smut alphabet #smut abc #smut a-z

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fallinfl0wers · 3 years

Note

hiiiiii! how about xiao with number 1? romantic + reincarnation au (if possible cuz i think it would rly fit):D + f!reader:>>

1. “Long for love even if it hurts every time.” Lovesick Girls - BLACKPINK from the lyric prompt list! thank you for your request! today is another sad xiao day i see. that being said, i'll give him happiness today as well! c: this could be taken as a... happier version of that one xiao scenario i wrote the other day, since i'm using the modernized teyvat as well! it would be,, helpful? if you read that one because of how i described the world to be then, but it isn't actually necessary to understand this scenario! (should i write hcs about how i imagine the modern!teyvat? hmm...) warnings: female reader, death mentions, reincarnation au, modern!teyvat, hurt/comfort. word count: 1097

Xiao got to know the feeling of love because of you, in a very slow process of social interaction and learning.

Even though you're the only lover he has ever had, throughout your relationship he learned something: if he fell in love, he would deeply and hard, so hard it would hurt him at first, and he would only keep falling more deeply every time.

Not that he could love anyone else but you.

He cradles your body that keeps getting colder each passing second, knowing you won't make it through after the wound a now destroyed ruin guard inflicted upon you. Your blood stains his clothes, while he holds you closer to himself, his eyes watering while he tries to reassure both you and himself that everything is going to be alright.

"I love you. I love you."

That was about all you could say to each other, clinging to your shortening time together.

The only reason why he wasn't breaking down when your life faded away was because you were already too afraid that he just had to be the strong one in this situation even though it was tearing him apart and crushing his heart without mercy.

He wanted your last moments of this world to be peaceful, at the very least.

Once your heartbeat comes to a halt, he cries and laments into your shoulder, holding your body close to his, as if wanting to give his life to you, as if wanting to remember and grave into his mind how your warm touches felt against his skin, how your voice sounded like in your happier moments and not how scared and pained it sounded when you were about to die--

All because he didn't want you to fade into nothingness with time.

And he... succeded.

The ages passed, civilizations fell and rose, humanity progressed past the need of visions to protect themselves and improve their quality of life, and through all those passing times, everything and everyone he got accustomed to see when you were with him started to fade away.

But your memory remained.

Your memory remained and he found himself hurting and longing for those sweet times you spent together, longing for your love and compassion even though he knew you could no longer provide it.

He had a hard time, as liyuen society started to set up bigger towns and cities throughout the land, keeping colaterall damage to a minimum whenever he had to vanquish the remnants of demons that kept rousing whenever they pleased.

It was especially hard, and especially stressful during the lantern rite, which had become a more world-wide known celebration, each year there was just more and more and more people around every single day of the festival.

As beautiful as the lanterns floating in the sky always were, he hated how it became harder to fulfill his duty during those days because there would always be some careless mortal with his flat-box-thingy (cell-phones, they said?) trying to take pictures in the worst possible places imaginable-- it made him wonder for a second how even humanity managed to survive this long.

Then he remembered he was there to witness how they did it, and sighed.

He had just scared off some of those kind of mortals mere moments ago without showing himself (their flat boxes proved to be quite annoying when they would hold them against him), and purged an evil spirit with no problem. The lantern rite was always like this.

He sensed a presence coming closer and soon after he heard a branch snapping, he turned around, mask over his face and spear on hand. Before he could attack, he stopped and stared wide eyed at the woman holding her cellphone to light her steps.

Her eyes, eyebrows, lips, nose, hair, figure were just like yours and- and- and- and-

"...Xiao?" it was your voice.

His spear fell to the ground.

"Is that you, Xiao?" You stepped closer to him, saving your phone in your pocket. He took a step back.

"Say your name." He demanded in a hushed voice.

It couldn't be.

You couldn't be alive.

He saw how you died.

He buried you.

You couldn't be real.

You just couldn't.

And then, you spoke your name. The name he called you by, the name no mortal alive would know. A name out of thousands upon thousands of names that couldn't have been a coincidence.

When he sees your kind smile and tears falling from your eyes- your beautiful eyes he loved and missed so much, he started crying too, hiding behind his mask.

He shook his head from side to side and cried, while you slowly got closer to him, your hands, as delicate and soft as he remembered, carefully reaching up to take his mask off.

And when your eyes finally meet, after he spent centuries trying to picture what they looked like in his mind, he broke down without a care in the world. Your eyes were much more beautiful than he could remember. You were so, so much better right here, in front of him, than just as a memory he tried so hard to keep intact.

You take the initiative, and hug him through your own fit of tears. He buries his head on the crook of your neck and holds you tightly against him, trying to make sure you're real and not going to disappear and slip through his fingers again, all the while you whisper reassurances that you're real and alive and aren't going to leave him alone.

"I'm glad... I'm glad I've finally found you." You whisper between whimpers, running a hand through his hair and just... losing yourself in the sensation of being close to him again.

And Xiao, greedily, selfishly, wants to cling to this moment, wants to cling to your love and affection like he did back then in days long gone. He holds you and knows you're real and won't fade away just yet, and he knows by your mere scent that you're still as mortal and fragile as the first time, he knows he will lose you again, no matter what, once your time comes sooner or later.

And that hurts.

But he wants this, he wants you.

And if he can keep you close like this again, if he can bask in your warm love and kindness one more time, he will gladly take the pain it comes with.

He will do whatever it takes just so he can be with you like this, just a bit longer.

#xiao x reader #xiao x y/n #xiao x you #genshin impact x reader #genshin x you #genshin imagines #genshin impact imagines #genshin x reader #genshin x y/n #melodywritings #melwritesgenshin #in this blog we ship xiao x happiness

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shuttershocky · 3 years

Note

Now that you’ve finished P5R what are your thoughts on the new characters? I really love seeing your analysis/takes, they’re so good! I love your blog and I hope you have a wonderful day :D

Aww, thank you!

I've got thoughts about the three. Spoiler warning.

Akechi - Let's be honest, he's a new character entirely in Royal. I'm amazed at how much Royal did to salvage his arc in the original P5. I love the idea of a social link built not necessarily on friendship, but tense camaraderie as Joker and Akechi both know what it means to keep your enemies closer. Akechi Rank 8 is one of my favorite social links in the entire franchise. The whole part where he goes "I'm going to be honest: I hate you" while Sunset Bridge is playing was nothing short of brilliant.

Sumire - I think she's the weakest of the new characters. That isn't to say that she's bad by any means (the other two are just really REALLY good while she's just very good. And cute.), I just have the most nitpicks to make with her.

She's very cute, but most of her appearances within the timeframe of the original Persona 5 feel disconnected from the rest of the game. If Akechi and Maruki didn't appear in her cutscenes, you might even have thought she was completely imaginary or a ghost until the Hawaii event. I also found it kind of unfortunate that after you finish her social link, she goes back to tying up her hair and using contacts instead of wearing her hair down and with glasses. Not only was that a better look for her *cough* Megane superiority *cough*, but I wasn't sold on her tying her hair back up again to honor Kasumi when we JUST had a terrifying fridge horror cutscene showing what led to her wearing her hair like that in the first place. That, along with her actual heartfelt goodbye to Joker being tied to her Valentines and White Day dates (meaning all you get is a curt take care if you dont romance her), make her into what I feel is the weakest of Royal's new cast.

I'm also kind of mad that she offers to join up vs Shido but Morgana shoots her down; I'm not a fan of only getting to play her on the very last month in the game, especially when she comes with some fun gimmicks and an EXTREMELY cool showtime. Imo since Shido's arc doesn't have any new additions at all, it would have helped to have "Kasumi" join up in December despite her lack of any connection to Shido. More time with her would have made the January twist hit even harder, and also would have made it so that every new month gave one new party member since Crow rejoins with a new skillset in January.

All that being said, once "Kasumi's" plot got going, it was real good. It was a nice callback to Persona 1's manga, while giving us some really great fridge horror moments with Dr. Maruki. The cutscene of her dad crying next to her sister's corpse was actually pretty unnerving, I think it was her head being shown but her face being covered that gave me the heebie-jeebies, though my favorite is still the aforementioned cutscene with Maruki.

Finally, I've said it once, I've said it twice, but it bears saying for a third time:

She is adorable. I love that whenever there's an option to tease her or flirt after Rank 6, it has the same social point weight as just being a regular supportive friend, and she actually takes some (nervous) time to respond rather than instantly calling it off as a joke. This lets Royal build an actual romantic arc for her, as Joker doesn't have to worry about sacrificing precious social link points to make her blush. She also breaks the mold of all other possible romantic partners by actually being the one to make the first move and confess her feelings, while Joker is asked to respond to them.

This, along with the excellent pacing of their relationship throughout her social link ranks, goes a long way towards making her possible romance feel a lot more grounded and organic. I think even the most diehard Makoto fans (of which I am one) have to admit that her social link romance was rather stiff, having a whole fake dating scheme with Joker and yet not showing the slightest bit of interest in him romantically until Rank 9 where he can grab her heart with a single pickup line. Ann's situation is similar, having her romance start with a single hug option (which I feel like is a shame because Ann is the most romantic of the Thieves overall—just look at her lines to Joker both as a romance and as a platonic friend!) while Futaba and Haru's preexisting interest in Joker sort of just pops up as soon as Rank 9 hits.

In short, I have the most complaints about Sumire, but also she is very cute and I like her a lot. I wish we had more of her as a playable character, and with more interactions with the rest of the Thieves. Damn you, Morgana.

Dr. Maruki - HE'S SO FUCKING GOOD. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCKING. FUCKITY FUCK FUCK GOOD. Maruki and the Third Semester represented what I was looking for in the original P5: an arc that really took full advantage of the Metaverse's narrative potential. I love how cheesy and yet heartfelt and unflinchingly raw his story got, how much he made the Phantom Thieves' question their ideals and reexamine their relationships to Joker, how a messianic complex on someone fully, truly, selfless and good and kind was still madness all the same. His response to all of his trauma, pain, and the realization that life is often cruel and unfair was to attain infinite power and MAKE it fair, because he would rather die than know he had the power to prevent someone from feeling the same pain and yet failed to save them.

Maruki's got a bit of that Seigi no Mikata in him. Fighting him isn't a matter of good vs evil, but saving a friend who's so deep in their own trauma and survivor's guilt that they truly believe the entire world is their responsibility, and they themselves are no longer human, no longer someone with the right to live and be happy.

You literally see the moment he kills his sense of self as a person and decides to live for the sake of the world when the camera angle changes so his shadow looks like it's hanging from a noose.

Joker defeating him and forcing him to finally voice a selfish thought ("I gave up everything! Why?!") as they fought barehanded on top of the crumbling metaverse was as heartbreaking as it was satisfying. I don't care if it was cheesy, it was the good cheese.

Though really, the most lovely part of his arc was his own goodbye to Joker when he had a change of heart and became a taxi driver. As a friend put it, he went from someone who planned to lead all of humanity into paradise, to someone who takes people to where they want to go. I love you, Mr. Gentle Madman. I hope whoever Persona 6's final boss is, they manage to be even half as amazing as you.

#shuttersp5r

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alch3mic · 3 years

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Cheshire please.

“Are you sure you’re alright dear?”

Your eyes gazed up from the floor to glance at your elderly neighbor who seemed to stare you in concern.

Well, you certainly couldn’t blame her for asking considering you were still probably flushed with the fever that caught you by surprise this morning- all of which was neatly wrapped underneath your face mask, glasses and hood that had been pulled up over your head and tied tight.

Your ensemble of slippers, sweatpants and that dingy old hoodie also didn’t help to dissuade the fact you looked absolutely terrible, especially under the harsh hallway lights of your nice apartment building. You smiled regardless though, forgetting she might not see it.

"Yes, I'm alright," you said brightly, though your voice clearly strained as you bent down to take the garbage bag near her door. "I'll get these to the trash shoot and then climb right back into bed, so please don't worry about me Mrs. Chaput."

She at the very least smiled at you too, concern still aching in her brow, but she seemed to let it go. You had been taking the trash out for her and the rest of your elderly neighbors for the past two years now anyway, rain or shine, and you certainly weren't about to let some fever stop you from helping them today.

It was just in your nature to persevere.

"I'm grateful as always," she said softly, "but are you absolutely certain you don't need any help? No offense dear but you look scarier than usual! I believe that new tenant is all moved in, the one next to you? I finally saw him the other day! He's a young looking fellow, much like yourself. Perhaps he could give you a hand with all of those?"

"It's fine. Wouldn't want to both him since he's just moved in," you said with a shrug, trying to ignore that 'scarier' comment. You already knew you weren't exactly a bundle of smiles and joy.

Besides you hadn't even had the chance to meet your new next door neighbor, the last thing you wanted to do was show up to their door and ask them to help you take a bunch of garbage...

That just had awkward encounter written all over it.

Personally, you'd much rather die of a cold than over social embarrassment, so you'd suffer through the walk to the trash shoot.

"Aright, I won't argue," your neighbor sighed, "that'll just keep you out of bed longer. Go on now, shoo.... and thank you."

"Anytime Mrs. Chaput," you said, giving her a small nod as she smiled at you again and closed the door.

Seems like your sickness got you out of another cheek pull from her at least. She always liked teasing you like that, but really you didn't mind. It was nice to have what felt like family when you were so far from home..

A sigh slipped out as you tried to chase away those thoughts, turning to waddle your way through the rest of the hall.

There was just one last trash stop back near your own apartment where Mr. Salt lived. Despite his name he was a kind man if... not a little forgetful. He often forgot to put his trash out for you to take, so you usually stopped there first to knock on his door and remind him and then made it your last stop on the way out.

...He always seemed to jump in your presence too... probably because you were so much taller than him and had a resting bitch face only your mother could love, but before long he’d always melt back into that friendly personality of his.

After rounding the corner and glancing down the hall you could see he finally set a few bags outside. Thank goodness, you really weren’t in the mood to remind him again with how awful you felt. Slowly you trudged over, letting out a small groan as your muscles ache with fatigue, but you kept pressing forward.

Another step. And then another.

Almost there.. just.. keep going!

Then you can head back home and flop yourself into bed without a care in the world!

..Maybe after you took some cold medicine..

Finally you managed to make it down that endless hallway, giving your arms a small break by setting everything down and leaning against the wall.

Man, screw being sick This shit sucked! You could hardly believe you just stumbled around most days perfectly fine without properly appreciating it!

..Right now you’d give anything to feel better again...

If your mom were here she'd probably be scolding you while making something like.. a warm batch of potato soup..

...Maybe you'd call her.. when you're feeling better...

.......

......Ah.... You were.... dozing off a bit.

...That’s... not good.

C’mon wake up, you’re almost done.

You let out another groan as you barely managed to push yourself up off the wall, bending down to pick up all the bags including Mr. Salt’s and—

Holy shit it was heavy!

Your whole face scrunched, your arms barely lifting up the bag while letting out a painful, straining grunt. What the hell was in there!? It was double.. no.. maybe triple bagged? How were you supposed to carry this by yourself?

“Fucking hell..” you hissed, trying to take a deep breath and just coughing instead. “I swear of all fucking days to pull this kind of shit.”

Ugh, you felt too awful to knock on Mr. Salt’s door to complain.... not that you’d do that even if you were feeling well, but.. You’d like to think you’d give him a piece of your mind in your fantasies.

“Maybe then next time he won’t decide to dump an entire goddamn body out...”

Somehow not even your darker jokes could make you feel any better, especially with how much you were sweating with the added labor. You turned with all the bags in hand to head back down the hall and-

...Hm?

Someone was standing there.

.......

You couldn’t really tell who it was through the haze of your fever, but you squinted at them regardless, thinking if you stared at them harder you might be able to identify them.

That’s when you realized three things.

Number one, they were a monster.

.....Or at least you thought they were? It was a little hard to tell with their hood up.

Number two, you had never seen them before in your life.

And number three..

They looked....

...terrified.

......

Wha..?

“H-Hey...” you said between labored breaths in some kind of greeting.

The monster jumped, now looking a bit panicked as they retreated farther back.

"...Wh-what are you..?”

“don’t..!”

Their voice was so quiet that you barely managed to catch on to what they were saying, confusion now mixing in with the fever and irritation inside your head.

“What?”

Well that came out a lot harsher than intended. Nice job.

It's no wonder the skeleton squeaked, nervously pressing themselves to the apartment door next to yours.

‘I believe that new tenant is all moved in, the one next to you?’

.....Oh.

Oh no.

“You... I know you...”

Again, delivered much more abrasive than you would have desired, especially with the way it made them flinch again, now fumbling with something.

...This was bad.

Clearly you were scaring them, and the logical part of your brain told them to just leave them alone because there’s no way you could salvage this encounter with how much of a feverish mess your head is.. but the other, much more controlling part of your brain, just told you to keep pushing forward and clear up this little misunderstanding.

“Wait.”

The monster froze at your tone, staring at you with widened eye.... sockets?

“You..”

C’mon dummy, use your words!

“You’ve got the wrong idea.. this.. isn’t what it looks like.”

......

Well it’s no wonder the skeleton doubled down on their efforts to get the key into their lock before slipping through their apartment door with how stupidly awful that statement was. The click of the door closing was immediately followed by the sound of several locks being put into place, cementing the fact that you somehow really fucked this up.

...Wonderful.

Just stellar.

Your very first interaction with your new neighbor and you don't have the slightest doubt in your mind they think you're some kind of criminal body collector.

....So much for not dying of social embarrassment.

check out my other writings | feel free to drop me a ko-fi!

#how about their first meeting?#it didn't... go well #neither did their second one considering cheshire didn't realize that heavily breathing shady human is his next door neighbor #but things work out in the end!#cheshire!sans #sans #undertale #underlust #lust sans #sans x reader #reader insert #undertale au #wickedtale #alch!writes #alch!answers #anon

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