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torialefay · 5 months

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🥀 Mars in Sagittarius 🌒

bangchan as your boyfriend!!! (pt. 3, fighting)

(based on astrology) 🔞

✨bangchan x reader (f); angst, angst, angst;

(p.s. if you're here for the angst and not the astrology, scroll down to the star divider to start the story <3)

✨word count: ~ 6.1 k (i got carried away)

✨3rd part in a series!!! together, let’s take a look into chan’s natal chart to see what type of boyfriend he would be!

✨i will give a synopsis of what each chart placement means throughout the series (for all my non-astrology friends out there <3) and how that would affect channie in a relationship

✨ author’s notes:

(1) i am doing brief (just bullet points/highlights) astrological compatibility readings if anyone wants one! if you’re interested, message me your birth date, time, and location OR lmk your placements. i’m gonna limit the reading to include you x 1 skz member only! just specify who you’d like.

(2) the aspects in this reading are based solely on my opinions and interpretations! nothing about a person is set in stone simply because of astrology. please don’t use anything i say as canon :)

(3) tysm to @stayceebs97 for the ideas <3 you rock!

✨warnings: this part of the series is NOT sunshine and rainbows. it explores chan’s aggressive tendencies, which can be uncomfortable for some readers. also features a lot of cursing!

✨tl/dr: in fights, chan can be logical and wants to weigh all options. a lot of times, this does more hurt than good because it takes him a LONG time to bring up/respond to confrontation. he also has the tendency to project, which deeply affects him because he doesn’t want to admit that he is flighty (but he is low key high key). when things finally reach a boiling point, he tends to explode.

Mars in Sagittarius:

-Mars is the planet that is involved in aggression, plans of action, and how people approach confrontation.

-Sagittarius is a fire sign, meaning that they can have fiery streak when provoked. However, the sign is the mutable one out of the fire signs, which means that this isn’t always expressed, but really does come out when the same fiery reaction is brought out in another. This also means that in difficult situations, he CAN defer to the partner if they have really strong feelings about something, but if a conclusion cannot be met, he is comfortable in leading the conversation.

-Sagittarius is also the sign of action and adventure. They are known for not wanting to settle down. In aggression, this can translate into the tendency to be flighty- to take off when things get uncomfortable. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they will leave forever, but they definitely need their space if they want to calm their hot-tempered nature.

-Sagittarius is also heavily influenced by justice and fairness. They value honesty and being real. They typically do not respond well to poor treatment, or when they see poor treatment of others. They strongly fight against situations in which people are being advantage of or being taken for granted.

Other aspects in the natal chart to consider: 1st House in Gemini, 7th House in Sagittarius, 6th house in Libra

1st house in Gemini:

-The first house, also known as the Ascendant or the Rising sign, is all about how others perceive you. Often, it represents people’s first impression of you, as it is how you respond to unfamiliarity and can be a mask of how you present yourself in these situations. It is not necessarily your personality (this would be the Sun sign, of which Chan’s is in Libra), but it is a more superficial level that is very reactionary.

-Gemini is a mutable air sign that is represented by “the twins.” This analogy is used to represent the duality of a person, and how they can seemingly show different sides of themselves to different people. Geminis usually get a lot of flack for being considered “fake.” However, much like Libras, Gemini just want to be accepted and well-liked in society, so they will placate to what others want. However, unlike Libra, this can sometimes come across as disingenuous to people that do not really know the person. In a more positive light, they are seen to be very open-minded and curious people.

7th house in Sagittarius:

-The 7th house can be thought of as the opposite of the 1st house. It is about how YOU see OTHERS. The lens through which you initially respond to other people and assess them. This is also a more superficial response, but is a more reactionary one, again when in a new or uncomfortable setting.

-As discussed previously, Sagittarius is known for being a fun, open, and adventurous sign. They strongly value their freedom and independence. These people tend to get along well with others and are very sociable.

-A person with a 7th house in Sagittarius sees others in a very positive light. They usually see other people as new friends to be made and new experiences to have. However, people with this sign also see others as people who are flighty and sometimes unreliable due to their want for freedom. They can falsely believe that someone is going to “leave them” when the going gets tough, or that they cannot always trust that person to be there for them- even if that is not the reality of the situation.

6th house in Libra:

-The 6th house is the area of reconciliation. It is involved in how you respond to conflict and what aspects of life are needed to be settled in order for you to “forgive and forget.” This also represents the way in which a person approaches fixing the aftermath of an argument, if choosing to do so.

-We know from previous parts in the series that Chan is very much tied to Libra (it is actually also his Sun, Moon, and Mercury signs). Libras are known for being people pleasers and being well-liked. They also are associated with the balancing scale, meaning they truly value balance and harmony in their lives. They seek to attain this balance, as it is what keeps them sane from trying to please everyone all at once. Libras are very good at molding themselves into situations and meeting people where they are.

-Chan has several planetary placements in the 6th house. These include the Moon (ruler of emotions), Venus (ruler of love and beauty), Mars (ruler of aggression) and Pluto (ruler of reconciliation). This would most likely manifest in him needing to DEEPLY discuss the root of the problem in order to put a fight to rest. He has to satisfy this urge from the emotional, relational, and conflictive levels. He also has a strong desire to make amends, even if he doesn’t quite know how to initiate it or takes a while to do so. He will be in a very irritable mood until the issue is resolved.

As your boyfriend:

• You and Chris do not get into fights very often. Overall, his personality is very harmonious, and you typically get along very well in daily life. Down to the little things, he is often very understanding of you and wants to see things from your perspective.

• However, when fights do happen, it is most likely something he has been tethering with for a while or something that you brought up yourself.

• When Chan is mad, he doesn’t hide it well. When he’s upset about something, he will not talk about it right away. He will most likely resort to a blank or annoyed face, stop being talkative, and recluse to a different room. This can go on for hours or sometimes days until he feels like he is ready to talk about it (if he even does talk about it) or until you MAKE him talk about it.

• He gets most upset when he feels like he is being lied to or not being told the complete truth. He also gets very bothered when he feels like people he loves are being treated poorly. He HATES feeling like someone is trying to tie him down or keep him complacent when there’s something he really wants to go for.

• When something starts to bother him, he will start out being cold or distant, and will tend to run away from the problem. However, since he has a 7th house in Sag, he is likely to project this onto others. He starts to see them this way. One of his greatest fears is people leaving him, as he tends to be flighty himself. He has the mentality that he shouldn’t always bring up a problem, or it is okay to try to run from it, because other could leave him anyways if he made a big deal.

• I want to re-emphasize HOW MUCH of a problem this is for Chan. He deeply understands what it feels like to want to run and hide, but he is ashamed of it. Instead (due to 7th house also in Sag), he will project it onto you. He will think that if he talks to you when he is angry that you will leave him. That you will not speak to him. What he fails to realize is that it is he HIMSELF who does this, not the other way around. He justifies his moody spells and flightiness by thinking you would probably behave the same. He may even not see it as a big problem unless you extensively talk to him about it. It is a part of his nature (literally in his stars) to think this way, so he will need you to work with him on it.

• His Gemini placement in the 6th house hints that he can actually get pretty explosive when the blame is placed on him, especially if he thinks that it is unfair.

• His first reaction when getting into a heated fight can be intense- when it finally comes to a head, when he finally gets so worked up about it, he releases everything all at once. He can be loud and can say things he may not actually mean. With his Ascendant Gemini energy, he will know a lot about you and could bring up some things that he knows will deeply upset you. This is not his true intention, and this is not who he really is. It is a coping mechanism that he likely had to develop early in life. It is further exacerbated by the fiery energy of Sag in Mars.

• Again, you do not fight very often. Maybe minor disagreements here and there. But when there is a true fight, it is a BIG fight. A MOODY fight. Everything is laid out on the table and feelings will get hurt in the process. It may only happen a few times in your relationship, because eventually you both learn how each other operates. Chan learns that you are NOT going to leave him over a silly fight, and he learns to control his tongue (and stop saying shit he doesn’t even mean) when he gets to his boiling point.

• I want to make a point to say that Chan would never hit you, nor physically hurt you in any way during an argument. His chart does not suggest that at all. Any and all fighting would be verbal, or maybe even on an emotional level if distancing himself comes into play.

• After a fight, after Chan has exploded, he immediately feels remorseful. His Sun in Libra demonstrates that this is not AT ALL what he wanted or who he is. And although he prides himself for not letting many fights ensue, he can’t help but be ashamed at how he handles things once he finally explodes. He knows he has to learn how to open up more frequently about what he’s feeling, but it is very hard for him. He doesn’t know how to talk to you about certain things because he thinks it will make him look “weak.” What Channie fails to realize is that once he overcomes this, simply talking with you about it before it bubbles over, can quickly put out any fire that he feels.

• Although Chan feels terrible after a fight with you, reconciling what happened is difficult for him. He has to look at the fight from all different angles to fully get over it. He needs to come to understand the emotions behind it- both his emotions and your emotions. At the end of the day, he wants and NEEDS to maintain this love. He will work very hard to try and understand your differences. He needs to get to the root cause. He also questions his aggressive nature and why he reacts the way that he does. Overcoming this is one of his greatest difficulties. But it can happen. And once you have both sat down and assessed the situation, he can finally come to terms that it will be okay. That he can do better, and that you are not going to simply run away because of your disagreement.

• Chan will spend daysss, weeks even, trying to make things up to you. He is deeply bothered by the way that he acts in a fight. He simply cannot handle any residual hard feelings over the careless words he let leave his mouth. He would spend the rest of his lifetime making it up to you if he had to. You were supposed to be his peace, his inner balance, and his comfort away from the struggles of his daily life… And this is how he treated you. It was in the heat of the moment, sure. But to him, it is still unacceptable. And he resents himself for it. The fact that you stayed with him, that you remained faithful to him, that you didn’t LEAVE him made his heart shatter. He knows you are too good to him, and he promises to do better for you too.

• Chan, like I’ve said a million times, KNOWS you. He knows your love language. And to make it up to you, he is going all out. You like acts of service? He is keeping the house spotless for the next month so you don’t have to lift a finger. You like quality time? He is canceling all of his plans to go wherever you want- maybe even go on a quiet trip together. If work doesn’t let him, he’s gonna ask you to tote along with him. He’s just happy knowing you’re happy. You’re more into physical touch? He is snuggling into you all hours of the day. Hell, even the night. If he wakes up and isn’t holding you anymore, he turns his ass back around to cup you in his arms. You experience love through getting gifts? He’s getting you that ring you wanted… actually he’s buying you one in every stone just to be sure. He’d buy you a fucking house if he could decipher which would be the perfect one. You love having words of affirmation? He will hold you next to his chest before bed, telling you what a perfect girl you are and how he can’t believe how lucky he is to have you. How someone like him could be so blessed by fate to end up with someone like you. How he would never be good enough for you, but he would die trying. How perfect you looked in this moment, natural and soft. How he can’t wait to make you his wife and the mother of his children some day. How unbelievable it would be to watch someone as pure, faultless, and beautiful as you give him a precious baby- because even if they… No, she. Channie insisted it would be a girl. Even if she carried on his last name, she would be able to keep her mother’s perfection.

• Chan has been watching you. He’s been watching you for weeks. He didn’t consider himself to be a possessive boyfriend, but just because he didn’t consider himself that doesn’t mean he isn’t one.

• You had both agreed to share your phone location with one another. What if something happened to you? What if your phone went missing? Neither of you thought much about it. You didn’t check it anyways.

• But Chan did. He had to. He wished he wouldn’t have. He’s been going crazy ever since.

• A little over 2 weeks ago, you had come home late from work. Later than usual… by a lot. It had been almost 2 hours past your normal arrival time. He wouldn’t have normally given it much thought, but you didn’t even text him to let him know. He thought it was weird, but he shook it off. You said you had ran to get some art supplies, evident from the bag in your hand, and got stuck in traffic afterwards. Channie believed it.

• It wasn’t until the next time you were late that he caught on. It was only 3 days after the first occurrence, and now here you were, 2.5 hours late already and still not home. He got worried about you. He texted. He called. Nothing. He started to think something was wrong. He quickly scrolled to your name in his phone and clicked on the “Location” tab. He was so scared.

• ‘Why are you at Felix’s apartment? And not answering my calls?’ He thought. He called you again. And again and again, to no avail. Shortly after, he saw the blue dot on the map moving, slowly headed back to the apartment you shared.

• He thought it was random, weird even, that you’d be at Felix’s place without him. But who knows. He was sure there was a reason for it. He knew you’d tell him. Only… you never did.

• “What took you so long babe?” He pried when you had gotten through the door and into the kitchen. You hoisted 4 heavy bags onto the kitchen counter.

• “I just had to stop and pick up some stuff to bake with. They were out of almost everything! I had to look around a lot.” Well yeah, you had all the essentials. Flour, sugar, baking soda, chocolate chips. He waited on you to say that you had stopped by Felix’s to grab what you couldn’t find at the store. He waited for you to explain that you’d just popped by his apartment really quickly because you knew he kept what you needed. But you didn’t say anything. Not a damn thing more.

• Chan could have prodded. He could have poked. He could have asked you what you were doing at Felix’s apartment. But he didn’t want to seem crazy. He didn’t want you to think he was trying to control you- he knew how much he would hate that too. He figured you had just forgotten to mention the little Felix detail. 'It just slipped your mind' is what he told himself. ‘It was such a small detail that you didn’t even think to mention it,” he reasoned.

• He still couldn’t deny that he was a bit upset though. He bottled it in as best as he could. He put up a good front and a good attitude and acted like nothing was wrong. And it probably wasn’t. But he quickly favorited the “Locations” tab on your page just to be safe.

———————————————————

• You were bolting to your apartment door as quickly as you could. You were out way later than expected again. ‘Fuck. Chan is gonna start to catch on if you don’t start being more careful’ you told yourself. You unlocked the door and put on a big smile to greet your boyfriend, who you hoped wasn’t busy. You had a long day and really just needed him to help you decompress.

• “Babe, I’m home!” you yelled as you made your way through the hall and to the kitchen and living area. You looked around and didn’t see him anywhere. No response either.

• “Baby?” You called again. You checked the bathroom and the back deck, but no sign of Chris anywhere. It wasn’t like him to be in his room already, but you’d seen his car parked in his spot, so you knew he had to be here.

• You pushed open the bedroom door. “Chris?” You peaked your head in. You saw his curly little head faced away from you in his chair, hunched over his laptop. “Oh there you are! I started to get worried when you didn’t answer me.”

• “I could say the same.” He spun his chair around. You couldn’t quite make out the look on his face. He was serious. Stern. Upset? You saw his jaw was clenched.

• “What are you talking about?” You questioned him, furrowing your brows and gazing down to look at him.

• “I don’t know, maybe check your phone.” His eyebrows were raised at you, slightly scowling. You pulled your phone from your pocket and unlocked it. You usually had it silenced when you went to visit Felix… Fuck. 6 unread texts and 3 missed calls.

• “I’m so sorry, I’ve had my phone on silent basically all day. I’ve just been slammed at work and was trying to get caught up. I should have called and let you know I’d be late again. I’m so sorry.” You could feel yourself start to sweat.

• “Where did you go after work?” he asked with zero emotion in his voice this time. ‘Play it cool, y/n. Play it cool,’ you coached yourself.

• “Nowhere. I was at work and then I came straight home.” God, you felt like shit lying to him like this. You crossed your arms, trying to lean your weight back and look relaxed. Suddenly, Chan stood up out of his chair.

• “Don’t fucking lie to me y/n.” He was only inches in front of your face now.

• “I’m not lying to you! Where else would I have been?” you huffed out. You tried to look upset back, to stand your ground and hopefully convince him that you were telling the whole truth. You tried, but you could barely stomach him yelling at you like that.

• “Where would you have been? Hmm… I don’t know. Maybe with fucking Felix! Does that ring a bell?” he yelled at you. He had turned a new shade of crimson you’d never seen before. His eyes were dark, like there was nothing left in them except for rage.

• You didn’t say anything. You couldn’t. Your mouth simply wouldn’t move. You couldn’t deny that you were with Felix because you were. But it wasn’t fair for Chan to be yelling like he was.

• He took your silence as his cue to continue his now rampage. “Jesus Christ! I’m not stupid, y/n! I’ve been watching you for weeks just come home late with some bullshit excuse why you weren’t home sooner, why you didn’t check your phone, why you’ve been ‘soooo exhausted’… I mean fucking hell, could you have made it any more obvious? So yes, YES I checked your location and goddamn it if you weren’t with Felix of all people! And surprise, surprise! Every time I texted him, he NEVER responded until your location tracker had left his building… Mmmm, isn’t that funny?” He let his eyes rise up towards the ceiling, tongue poking into his cheek before he scoffed at you. “I should have fucking known better. I should have fucking known… You know what? Maybe this was my fault. It was my fault for getting with a whore in the first place.” Your jaw dropped. There is no way he just said that. There’s no way he thinks that about you. He knew everything about you. He knew how you had struggled with your sexuality before meeting him. He knew how insecure you were in your body and how you went out seeking approval in the wrong ways. How you felt like you needed approval from men to not feel terrible about yourself. How you felt extremely guilty and disgusted by yourself for mistakes you’d made in the past because of it. He knew that was the part of you that you constantly tried to hide from him. He knew how it took you almost a year of dating him before you felt comfortable enough with him to talk about it. Out of everything he could have called you, he chose whore? That was a deep fucking cut. You stumbled backwards slightly, trying to find some way to get your mouth to start moving.

• “Yeah, you have nothing to say for yourself, huh? Pathetic.” This was the angriest you’ve ever seen him. You didn’t know he was capable of this scope of intimidation. He towered over you, like watching his prey before he made his next move.

• “It’s not what it looks like,” was all you could muster up the courage to get out.

• “It’s not what it looks like… It’s not what it looks like?! Then tell me what it fucking is because to me, it looks like my whore of a girlfriend is going behind my back and fucking my best friend. I mean, Felix used to talk about how hot you were before we got together, but I never thought he’d pull this shit.” He looked off and made an annoying smirk. He started to half laugh/ half scream. “This shit is fucking crazy! It’s just too fucking good!”

• Seeing Chris get so upset that he started laughing into it made you want to crouch into a ball in the corner of the room. You wanted to disappear. None of this was your fault. “Chris, just let me explain,” you sobbed. You couldn’t help it.

• “Oh look, now you’re crying,” he taunted you. “If anything, I should be the one crying. I mean goddamn it y/n. What didn’t I have? What didn’t I give you? You had to go off and get it somewhere else? And with Felix. Of course with my fucking best friend,” Still red as ever, you saw a single tear start to form in his eye.

• He looked down and to the side to stop you from seeing his broken expression. “I knew you would do this y/n. It’s not like I didn’t expect it. Just take advantage of me and then leave me like everyone else,” he was full-on bawling. You could hear it in his voice. He almost couldn’t get his words out anymore. “What did I do to deserve this?” He let his blood-shot, trickling eyes make full contact with yours.

• “Chris, you didn’t do anything. Just let me expl-“ you got cut off.

• “Don’t bother. Just go back out and do whatever the fuck you need to do to make yourself feel better. Obviously it’s not me. By all means, don’t let me stop you from doing what you want.” He all but spat in your face. “Not that you gave a fuck about me anyways.”

• You were stunned. Not stunned because you were scared, but stunned because of how WRONG he was. And how much disrespect he had just shown you. Who was he to cut you off when you were trying to talk? You had never been more furious in your life.

• “CHRISTOPHER BANG if you do not let me talk, I will walk out of this house and never fucking turn back, I promise you!” You screamed so loud you were sure the neighbors would hear. You didn’t care. You’d passed your breaking point and you would continue to scream as much as you damn well pleased. “Okay, yes, I admit it! I did lie to you! But not because I was CHEATING on you with Felix?? What the actual fuck?! Since you HAVE to know, we’ve been working on getting everything ready for the surprise birthday party that we were throwing YOU this weekend! I didn’t want to keep it from you, but we can’t have a surprise party without the fucking surprise!” you continued to shout. Chan’s jaw dropped open. His expression was blank. “Here I was thinking that I was being a good girlfriend, but apparently I’m just some whore to you! I can’t fucking believe you.” Scared of what else you would say if you stayed, you sharply turned on your heels to hurry out of the room. You quickly made your way to the bathroom, locked it behind you, turned the lights off and fan on. You leaned back until you could feel the cold wall behind you. You let yourself fall against it and slide down until you were sitting in the floor, bringing your knees up in front of your face. There was nothing left for you to do except to sob. Was this really your boyfriend?

• 10 minutes went by of nothing but tears. You were finally at the point where you had exhausted yourself of crying. You felt your tongue go dry. There was nothing left in you. All you could do was wipe the tears from your face and try to catch your breath. Deep breaths in and out. In and out. ‘It will be okay,’ you kept repeating to yourself.

• All of a sudden, you heard a tiny knock at the door. ‘Fuck off,’ you thought. You couldn’t be bothered to move a single inch.

• “Y/n? Please can you open the door? Please. I need to talk to you. I’m so sorry.”

• Silence was all you gave him. He wasn’t going to get anything else.

• Knock, knock, knock. He tried again. “Please open up for me. I need to see you, I need to apologize to you. I was wrong. Just please come out or open the door so I can come in.”

• You stayed radio silent. All you wanted in this moment was for him to go away. You just wanted to be left alone until you were exhausted enough to fall asleep and get out of this hell of a day.

• A couple more tiny ‘knock, knock’s could be heard, but they were much quieter this time. You heard a sniffle from the other side of the door. In a tiny strained voice, “Baby… baby please open up. Please, I’m begging.” You didn’t think you’d ever heard him in much desperation. “Y/n please. God, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” He started bawling. You could tell from the sounds behind the door that he had done just like you and had thrown himself into the floor, curling up against his knees. You could hear him quietly sobbing into them. You couldn’t explain it, but it made you feel even worse. To know that he was on the other side, feeling just as badly. You almost felt sorry for him. Almost. You could hear his hushed cries for at least 5 minutes before things started to settle down. It calmed you, but also made your heart start to race when the air was now filled with complete silence for the first time since you’d arrived home.

• You heard Chan sniff. You could tell he was trying to collect himself. Suddenly, you heard a tiny knock again. You didn’t respond. In the most diminutive voice you’ve ever heard, he whispered out, “I love you. And I am so sorry.” He sat there for a few seconds, contemplating if he should even keep going. Why would you care what he had to say anymore? He was the biggest asshole, and there was no coming back from that. He didn’t mean any of what he said in the slightest. All he knew is that he was hurt, so he wanted to hurt you back. God, he wished he didn’t. He wished he wasn’t the most useless human on the face of the earth. All he had wanted to find in life was you. He spent forever trying to earn you, to get you to give him the time of day, and now look at him. He was disgusted in himself. How could he ever come back from this? How could he ever come back from you? There was no coming back from you. It was either you or no one.

• He continued to whisper, to plea, to cry using only his voice. “I understand if you never want to talk to me again. I genuinely… I don’t,” you heard him blow out a slow exhale. “I don’t know what came over me. I know I need serious help, and I want to get it. It’s just- it’s just-“ the tears started to fall slowly. “When I thought about you with Felix… You, my perfect fucking girl, with another man… Someone else holding you. Someone else taking you. Someone else kissing your perfect little face…” he cried. “Y/n I just lost it. I saw red… And in that moment, nothing could stop me. If I wasn’t such a fucking idiot, I would have shut up. I would have let you talk to me about it. And I should have. But I am the absolute biggest fucking loser on this earth. I am so sorry. You don’t have to say anything, I just want you to know that I truly did not mean a single word of what I said. You are the most perfect person I have ever known. I am so in love with you that it hurts- it hurts to know that I caused you any pain at all, let alone this. I’m not asking you to ever forgive me, but just know that I will never forgive myself. I love you, y/n.”

• You remained silent again. You were trying to take in everything Chan had said, to try and store it all in your brain. But you were exhausted and could barely keep up. You listened as he began to cry once more.

• “If you want me to go, then I’ll go. I can find somewhere else to stay and you can have some peace,” he weeped and wiped at his eyes. “No matter what happens, just know that you were the best thing to ever happen to me. I will never love anyone the way that I love you. You will forever be the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last face I see before I close my eyes.” He was sobbing uncontrollably, his words now muffled, as he uses his hands to cover his face. “In my last days, when my body finally gives in, I will thank God for allowing me to have such a woman in my life, only if for a while. Your name will be the last word that I ever utter and your soul will be the last thought I ever have. I promise, y/n, it is a privilege to love you and I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel otherwise. I never deserved you in the first place.”

• He sat for another moment, and you could hear him take a deep breath, almost choking on the fluid collected in his throat. You heard a rustling motion as he pushed himself up slowly off the floor and then shuffle his way back to his room.

• He stopped dead in his tracks, sure he was being delusional. He turned his body back toward the path he’d just walked. He wasn’t delusional. The door was cracked open. “Baby? Did you do that? Is it okay if I come in?” He spoke softly towards you.

• “Yes,” you finally strained out. You told yourself that you shouldn’t do it. But you knew why you did. You loved him back. Everything he just said about you is exactly how you felt about him. You believed him when he said he didn’t mean the words he spoke to you. You also believed him when he said he wanted to get help. I guess more than anything, you believed he was truly sorry. You weren’t going to be able to live with yourself if you gave up on him like that- to live in a world not knowing whether this life with him could have been beautiful. To live in a world where you had to constantly think about him and if he still loves you as much as you love him. No matter how much your brain tried to make you say no, you just couldn’t. Not on him. That’s not how your heart works.

• He slowly eased his way inside the door frame, gently walking so as to not startle you. You could barely make him out with only a small amount of light from the hall peaking in, but you could always make out those loose curls. Seeing his beautiful, swollen, tear-covered face, you let out another small cry for yourself.

• “My sweet baby,” Chan extended his body down to you. He took your face in both of his hands and brought his face right to your level. He stroked your cheek with his thumb to wipe away a stray tear. He then tilted his head slightly up and yours slightly down, to leave the most gentle, lingering kiss on your forehead. You felt it burn into your skin. Not in a bad way. In a way that you had been craving it and didn’t even know until now. In a way that was searing away any wounds that you may have gotten. He pulled his face back and wrapped his arms around you tightly in a hug.

• “I love you baby. I’m so sorry. I will do everything I possibly can to show you that,” he whispered into the hair at the back of your neck.

• “You promise you didn’t mean what you said?” you whispered back, sniffling.

• “Pinky promise. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

• “Then I love you too,” you pulled him back off of you slightly. You wanted to make sure he could see the entirity of your face. “Which is why you are going to therapy.”

• He giggled like a small child. “I think that’s a good idea,” he smiled brightly. “How about we start that therapy with this?” He leaned in to join his lips with yours in the deepest kiss you think you’ve ever felt. Maybe this is therapy for you both.

Mars in Sagittarius

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caligvlasaqvarivm · 2 months

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love all your thoughts on eridan so much!! ive had erikar as a passive concept in my head since i started slowly rereading homestuck, bit i never invested as much thought into it...it makes a LOT of sense.

very curious on your thoughts on eridan and nepeta, if you have any? i dont really see much around of the two of them and how they may act around each other (most likely because, iirc, they have basically no substantial interaction in the comic....) but its a concept ive twisted around in my head a little.

Hahah, one of my friends is a Nepeta roleplayer, so we have hashed this OUT. Basically, I think if they talked a bit more, under the right circumstances, they might try pitch for a bit, but resolve to normal friendship. TL;DR, at the end of the day, they just don't really have anything to particularly hate about each other, or to particularly love, but I think they'd make for really good friends actually, if Eridan gets his shit together and Nepeta comes out of her shell a little more. She might wind up having to play auspice for him because... he has a lot of problems... and as a Heart player, with more proximity to him, she'd realize "oh, wait, he's not that bad, hes just mentally fucking ill," and there are people on the team who would not give him that kind of grace.

Flushed is pretty canonically off the table - despite having hit on her several times, Eridan seems to have accepted the rejection, and Nepeta herself comments that it always came off as "cr33py and insincere", which it probably was - he's clearly not over Feferi, and has a kind of "please god anyone would be fine I just don't want to be alone" vibe. Nepeta is definitely looking for more sincerity than that, and although Eridan's Type is very much cheerful, bubbly, nice girls (what he thinks Feferi is), I think they're pretty incompatible overall.

His antics and Emotional Issues would probably be super taxing on Nepeta long-term, he'd wind up in a million fights with protective Equius (Eridan is a crazed murderer even just objectively), and he's really not a particularly kind or pleasant person.

Meanwhile, although he's basically willing to go along with anything that'll get him attention, I think he'd be very puzzled by Nepeta's expectations that he do Romantic Things, or otherwise adhere to certain romantic tropes and social norms, which he can't do; when this inevitably leads to hurt feelings, his response to perceived danger is "fight," so he'd probably end up making it worse. So! Flushed is flushed. Down the load gaper, I mean.

Trying on pitch, I think if Nepeta was already a little bit out of her shell - say, Equius has died, or she's otherwise locked in a SGRUB dungeon with him, or something like that - she and he would come to blows over Eridan's performative casteism. Nepeta's the anti-casteism troll, after all, and if she's worked up enough, she's quite spirited and opinionated, and Eridan is down for anything, so it would be something I can absolutely see forming.

Actually, hilariously, when my friend and I RP'd this out, Nepeta wound up with a pitch crush, and Eridan wound up with a FLUSHED crush, because he was THAT BAD at differentiating between good and bad attention. Nepeta was totally floored, she was like, dude i was calling you stupid and terrible??? how the fuck did you interpret that as FLUSHED??? and eridan was like i dont know... maybe... i might have mental illness......

The problem is, I don't see their pitched dalliance lasting, for two main reasons - the first is that Eridan wouldn't hate Nepeta long-term, even if he can work up some caliginous energy because he's desperate; she's too genuinely nice and kind and he loves nice and kind people. Similarly, Nepeta wouldn't be able to hate Eridan the more she got to know him - since he's kind of the least casteist highblood, despite his initial impression, she would lose her fundamental reason for opposing him, and would instead start going "oh god, hes so traumatized, he's like that because he's really messed up inside."

The second is because I think they're dangerous for each other, physically. Eridan is a volatile highblood with severe emotional problems and a bodycount in the thousands, and Nepeta is very reckless in the face of danger; I can genuinely see them going a little too hard and Eridan getting a bit of a highblood buzz and winding up severely injuring Nepeta, which he would feel completely fucking terrible about, and then not allow himself to ACT like he feels terrible about it. Even if they stay in the relationship, it would kill his vibe, since when he isn't on an outright murder spree, he doesn't want to hurt his friends ("wwhat kind of friend wwould i be"). And that's not even factoring in how much EQUIUS would flip out over it.

I also don't think Nepeta is particularly equipped to deal with Eridan's problems, even if she does recognize and sympathize with them more than most on their team. Although she'd have more success than others, I think it'd leave her exhausted, because Eridan is exhausting. A Heart player obsessed with true feelings and sincerity and genuineness is just a bad match for the kid who's 90% façade.

So, ultimately, I think they'd resolve to really good friends, and Nepeta might wind up being a middle leaf for Eridan in an auspicetism situation, since Eridan... tends to draw aggro, and Nepeta at least would care about him enough that she doesn't want to see him get killed (even in the comic, as Nepetasprite, she expresses sadness that Eridan is dead, although she doesn't seem to know about his murders).

Eridan is also a roleplayer, lest we forget, and if Nepeta is able to draw out rare flashes of genuineness, they do have a bunch in common - she could commiscerate with him over the thrill of the hunt (although she'd have to be careful not to get too into the weeds about the, uh, Troll Murder aspect), RP with him (in a safe environment), or gossip about romance. They're both pretty painfully sincere people at their core, so while I ultimately don't see them being particularly romantically compatible, I do really love the idea of them being close friends. If only Eridan didn't always make things Fucking Weird.

And also since I really love pitch FefNep, Nepeta becoming friends with Eridan would help fuel her hate dates with Feferi - ":33 < do you even realize how messed up killing lusii fur YOU left him???" "W)(at would you )(ave preferred, t)(at my lusus went )(ungry and krilled everybody? 3X0"

#eridan ampora #homestuck #nepeta leijon

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hephaestuscrew · 2 months

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“This has both our names on it”: Viewing Fleet and Clara’s relationship in Victoriocity through a queerplatonic lens

TL;DR: By Season 3 of Victoriocity, Fleet and Clara have developed a committed emotional partnership that certainly moves beyond the purely professional. Whilst very much operating as a duo, they can be interpreted as often rejecting or subverting romance-coded elements in their relationship, instead embracing a unique dynamic that can be read as resonating with the concept of a queerplatonic relationship (QPR).

Buckle up because this is over 2,500 words long! If you'd rather read it as a document, you can access it here: Fleet & Clara QPR Google Doc

Disclaimer: I'm not making any claims about creator intent, nor about how anyone else ought to interpret Fleet and Clara's dynamic. It's also worth acknowledging that queerplatonic relationships are inherently defined by the people in them and any attempt to apply such terminology to a story set in 1887 is obviously anachronistic (although whether that should matter when said story also contains a cyborg Queen Victoria is up for debate).

With that said, if we define a QPR as a committed personal partnership which is not entirely captured by the typical expectations of either friendship or romance but may contain some elements typically associated with either (other definitions of QPRs are available), I enjoy viewing Fleet and Clara's relationship through a QPR lens, and I want to talk about some of the reasons why I think this reading works.

***Spoilers for all three seasons of Victoriocity and the novel High Vaultage***

Detective duos

Even before we actually get into Fleet and Clara's particular bond, detective / crime-solving duos as a general concept have QPR energy to me (which probably predisposed me to this interpretation). It's the Holmes-and-Watson legacy. It's the use of the word 'partner' in a non-romantic context (‘associate’ or ‘companion’ can also serve a similar purpose). It's the intense trust and reliance on each other. It's the sense of being a recognisable pair, always appearing together, known as a duo, with skills and attributes that complement each other.

Romantic assumptions

Moving on to Fleet and Clara specifically, one aspect of their relationship that can be read through a QPR lens is how they are often in situations where other people believe or imply that there is a romantic relationship between them. Sometimes this is a deliberate strategy of theirs, and sometimes it’s imposed upon them by others. But I’d argue that there’s never a point where they both simultaneously seem entirely comfortable with that romantic narrative for their relationship. Usually one of them will actively deny the assumption or react negatively to the implication:

When Mrs Hampshire interprets Clara and Fleet as a couple experiencing “young love”, Clara might be happy to adopt this as an effective cover story, but Fleet seems unsettled and keen for them not to be perceived this way: “No. No. You’ve misunderstood, we are not, that is to say I am…” (S1E2)

When Warden Hughes assumes Fleet is the new Warden and Clara is the new Warden’s wife, Clara says “I am certainly not”, with emphasis on the ‘certainly’. (S2E2)

Fleet definitely doesn’t sound enthused when he realises Clara has gone for a married couple as their cover story at the Grand Salcombe: “I am sure I’ll regret asking, but by any chance am I [Mr. Theasby?]” (S2E2)

When Titus Byrne tells the pair “I take it you're happy sharing [a room]”, Clara responds with a horrified “What?” (S3E4) (Obviously sleeping in the same room isn’t inherently romantic, but it is often perceived that way.)

Of course, fake dating and external assumptions of romance are very common tropes in romantic will-they-won't-they dynamics, and these moments could definitely be interpreted that way for Fleet and Clara. But I prefer to read these instances as reflecting a different kind of closeness between these two characters. They have a sense of emotional partnership that allows a marriage cover story to seem plausible to others and that other people sometimes automatically assume to be romantic (obviously with some period-typical heteronormativity at play). But to me, it doesn't seem like either of them are fully comfortable with their relationship being perceived in a directly romantic way. Perhaps they are a couple in a different sense…

Proposal via door plate

The way that Fleet asks Clara to be his business partner has always seemed to me like a platonic version of when people find personal ways to surprise their romantic partner with a proposal:

CLARA: You bought me a door plate for your office? [...] This has both our names on it. FLEET: What do you think? CLARA: I like it. (S2E7)

Fleet could have just asked Clara outright, without going to the trouble of buying a sign that would have been useless if she’d said no. If it was purely a professional business proposition with no emotional meaning behind it, I think he would have just asked verbally. But instead, he gifts her a sign with their two names paired together: Fleet-Entwhistle Investigations. There's something so intimate about that to me: about Fleet asking Clara whether she would like to be a duo with him in a more formally-defined but still non-romantic way; about him choosing to present this offer in the form of a gift; about the way he presents her with their two names joined together etched into metal and asks what she thinks; about the significance that this gesture attaches to their partnership; about him having enough trust that she'll say yes that the effort and vulnerability of presenting her with that sign seem worth it for him. And the gesture means an awful lot to Clara:

She thought about the door plaque he’d had engraved with both their names on it as his way of inviting her to be his business partner – typical Fleet, refusing to tell her so much as his favourite breakfast food and then to go and do something like that. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her. (High Vaultage, p187).

Anniversaries

In the special episode ‘Murder in the Pharaoh's Tomb', Clara says “And you know what else is a big occasion Fleet? It's our one-month anniversary.” She wants to celebrate the anniversary of Fleet-Entwhistle Investigations. Their partnership holds a significance for her that means key dates associated with it are worth remembering and remarking upon.

When Clara first mentions their anniversary, Fleet nearly chokes on his drink, which seems like an instinctive reaction to the usually romantic connotations of an anniversary (see my point above about Fleet not being comfortable with their dynamic being perceived as romantic). But when Clara clarifies what she means, Fleet seems much more cheerful about the notion of their anniversary: “Ah, so it has.”

“Miss Clara Entwhistle, my partner”

I get extremely strong QPR vibes from this moment, when Fleet introduces Clara to the sailors at Grave End:

FLEET: This is Miss Clara Entwhistle, my partner - in business, my business partner. CLARA: I'm also his friend, but he doesn't like to say it. (S3 E3)

Fleet and Clara are partners, but not in the way the average person might assume from that word, which Fleet realises mid-sentence here. This is another instance of Fleet reacting negatively to the idea that their relationship might be interpreted romantically (see above). And yet, 'partner' (rather than, say, ‘colleague’) is the word that comes naturally to him in this moment to describe who Clara is to him. He then frantically emphasises the professional element of their relationship so as to avoid the romantic implication, but Clara is keen to proudly assert that there is a personal, emotional aspect to their dynamic too. They are first-and-foremost partners, and they are friends, and they do not want to be seen in a romantic light - this post basically writes itself...

“Her ridiculous detective.”

When Clara fears for her life at the display of the Lanterns, the narration tells us:

“she thought of her brother, her sister, her parents... Her ridiculous detective.” (High Vaultage, p172)

The fact that Clara thinks of Fleet in this moment of fear clearly indicates his importance to her, but I think the phrasing of this quote is particularly interesting. The narration lists Clara's immediate family: two of whom are dead (her sister and father), one of whom is publically mourning Clara's life choices (her mother), and only one of whom we have any real evidence of her having a positive relationship with (her brother). And then, separated from these complicated familial relationships by an ellipsis, the narration tells Clara also thinks of Fleet, “her ridiculous detective”.

Parents and siblings are familial relationships that tend to come with established expectations, in which the use of a possessive pronoun (i.e. her brother) to indicate the relationship is a norm. ‘Detective’ does not fall into this category; unlike ‘brother’, ‘sister’, ‘parent’, ‘friend’, ‘partner’ etc., ‘detective’ is not a word that inherently implies a relationship or that we'd usually expect to see preceded by a possessive pronoun. The idea of ‘her detective’ therefore stands out, giving the sense that there is a unique relationship being indicated here. The way in which Fleet is ‘hers’ is something that Clara has chosen for herself, something that they have shaped together. Who they are to each other can't necessarily be fully expressed using standard phrases that traditionally describe relationships between people. But Fleet is Clara's detective, of which she only has one, and who she'll think of in the midst of “the screaming of the heavens at the end of the world”.

Fleet is also the only one in this list of Clara's loved ones who gets an adjective - her love for him has detail. And while “ridiculous” might often be perceived as negative (it's certainly not a classic romantic endearment), it seems to me like there's such fondness in it in this context: the recognition of and affection for eccentricities, the idea that his importance to her is not (purely) based on his professional strengths but on Fleet as a whole - perhaps at times ridiculous - person.

“Settled”

When Clara and Fleet talk about Clara's mother’s expectations for her, they have this exchange:

"She's still living in hope that one day I'll settle down." "You're not settled?" asked Fleet. "I am." (High Vaultage, p259)

By ‘settle down’, Clara's mother of course means ‘marry’, ideally into “at least a minor baronetcy”. But Clara already considers herself "settled", just not in a way her mother would understand or appreciate. She's not looking to "settle down" into a lifestyle other than her current one. She is settled in a situation where Fleet is certainly her closest personal connection in London (and perhaps anywhere), and where the two of them work closely together, operate as a duo, and then go back to their separate homes. And this partnership with Fleet is a comfortable set-up that feels right for Clara exactly as it is, rather than being a precursor to, or a distraction from, the marriage ambitions that her mother wants for her.

I think this exchange also contains an implicit sense of the commitment between the two of them. Fleet wants to check that Clara is ‘settled’ in her current situation, of which working closely - and platonically - with Fleet is obviously a major element; Clara confirms she is. There's a subtle indication of their shared intention to be in this for the long haul.

As a sidenote, Fleet and Clara’s implicit assumption that their partnership is a long-term one can manifest itself in joking contexts as well as serious ones. Look at this exchange from S3E5:

FLEET: We're not bandits, we're just going to flag it down. CLARA: We'd be terrific bandits! FLEET: Let's just see how our current line of work goes.

I think it’s notable that, in this joking speculation, both Fleet and Clara use ‘we’ and ‘our’. The joke could have been phrased just as effectively if they were imagining only Clara becoming a bandit. But the suggestion is that, if either of them was a bandit, they’d be bandits together. Even if they changed their lives entirely, they'd still approach life together.

Inseparable

Fleet and Clara have become a nearly inseparable duo in a way which is noticed by others. For example, after Clara and Fleet fall out in High Vaultage, Fleet meets with Keller, who says:

"You're here with me instead of barrelling across town with her, so I'm just assuming there is some thickheaded puffinry for which you need to apologise to Miss Entwhistle" (p335)

Keller, hardly the most emotionally perceptive man in Even Greater London, automatically infers from the fact that Fleet is on his own that he has had a falling out with Clara, rather than that they just happen to be in different places. When all is well, Keller expects to see the two of them together, whether or not they are in a position to be actively working a case.

Going back earlier in their partnership, Keller makes a similar assumption about Fleet and Clara being inseparable in S2E6. When Clara shouts her name amidst Keller's anti-Vidoc booby traps, Keller asks "Entwhistle? Which means… Fleet?" Again, there's this idea that if one of them is there, the other is likely to be there too - they come as a pair. (It's worth noting that this scene takes place less than two weeks after they first met.)

“Like a friend might?”

At the end of S3E7, Fleet suggests that he and Clara go to the theatre together. It would have been easy for this invitation to have been explicitly framed as a romantic proposition, or even for the nature of the offer to have been left more ambiguous. But Clara says "Archibald Fleet, are you inviting me to a social activity? Like a friend might?" The use of the word 'friend' directly labels this as a platonic interaction. And it's with that platonic lens on it that Clara is extremely excited to spend non-work-related social time with Fleet.

“Maybe it'll just be my good luck charm.”

CLARA: My grandmother's ring, I don't suppose you managed to hold on to it? [...] FLEET: Oh, it's been crushed.. I'm sorry Clara [...] CLARA: No, you keep it. FLEET: What? No... CLARA: Keep it. Maybe it'll remind you not to run towards trains. FLEET: Maybe. Maybe it'll just be my good luck charm.

In S3E7, Clara gives Fleet a ring, which - as a gift from one person to another - is traditionally a symbol of a particular, legally recognised, kind of personal commitment. But when Clara tells Fleet to keep the damaged ring, down in the Underground tunnels after the destruction of the beast and Fleet's latest brush with death, it is quite a different situation to a wedding or a proposal. A married man would traditionally wear his wedding ring on his finger for all to see, but Fleet won't ever wear this ring like that. The ring itself has been bent into a different shape between the wheels of their misadventures, subverting the usual associations of a ring given from one person to another. (In a heteronormative world, those associations are particularly strong when the two people in question are a woman and a man.)

That ring is not an engagement ring, but it is Clara’s grandmother's ring, an inheritance from the blood family she never really felt she belonged in, now given to the man who might be a very different kind of family for her in London. That ring - with which Clara saved Fleet's life - is a symbol of their bond. And it therefore serves as a reminder for Fleet “not to run towards trains" and as a “good luck charm”. I like to think he'll carry that ring with him, perhaps in his jacket pocket - a little piece of his partner, kept close to his ticking heart…

Thank you for reading all of this!

If you’ve read all of this, I'm assuming you also enjoy the concept of Fleet and Clara as a QPR (unless you're really a glutton for punishment) and that makes me very happy! This was long because there's so much to say about them… And I wrote all of the above without even getting into: the potential to headcanon Fleet and/or Clara as aspec (which I don't think is necessary for QPR headcanons, but which is also fun); Clara's baggage around and discomfort with marriage in general; the speed with which Fleet and Clara become a ride-or-die duo; and the many other demonstrations of care, understanding, trust, respect, and affection between them that didn't feel as directly QPR-coded to me but are nonetheless wonderful. Please do feel free to share your own thoughts!

#victoriocity #clara entwhistle #inspector fleet #archibald fleet #high vaultage #I'm not really trying to persuade anyone who doesn't already vibe with Fleet & Clara QPR as a concept #I just enjoy digging into that interpretation #I don't have any lived experience of QPRs myself #I'm just an aro who occasionally yearns #which tbf is probably the demographic most likely to obsessively interpret fictional duos as QPRs #I tried to avoid straying into anything like ‘they are too important to each other to be *just* friends’#when writing this #because I deeply dislike that outlook #That's not what I'm getting at here #Friends can be that important to each other without being in a QPR #I just think Fleet and Clara are important to each other in a particular way that can easily be read as a QPR or QPR-adjacent #Ngl for me personally I was very happy that there was no explicitly romantic Fleet and Clara moments #in S3 or High Vaultage #I’m sure I would still love their dynamic if they did explicitly take it down that route #I’m sure it would be done well #But the fact that Fleet and Clara are platonic (or at least ambiguous) means a lot to me personally #A related thought to that bit on romantic assumptions is that under amatonormativity #even the denial of romance/attraction is so often treated as evidence for it #which can mean that there's no way to escape that implication #so that's another reason why I enjoy taking characters at their word #when they express discomfort over a dynamic being interpreted as romantic #I finished writing this on Wednesday and I've been so impatient about waiting until S3 is fully out to post it lol

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notfreetoday · 9 months

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MPW: Segasaki & Yoh - Language Analysis Part 1

Subtitle Corrections: EP 1 || EP 2 || EP 3

My Personal Weatherman is a story about the relationship between Segasaki and Yoh, so rather than being introduced to the characters, we the audience are dropped right into the middle of their relationship, and the only way we learn about the characters as individuals is through the way they interact with each other, and how that contrasts with how they interact with the people around them.

The show does an incredible job of keeping the portrayal of their relationship consistent across the use of character design, wardrobe, lighting, cinematography, acting choice, directorial choices and of course language use. But not everyone who watches has equal access to that last one, so I try to be as detailed as possible in my subtitle corrections posts. I'm also a bit of a language nerd. Now, I want to get into their actual relationship, because I think there is a lot of information about how they feel towards each other that's just getting missed. Also I love them and this is how I spazz.

This post is the first of four in which I hope to show how the dynamic between Segasaki and Yoh is reflected in the way they speak - specifically, in the way they address each other, and the style shifting, or speech level shifts that they both demonstrate with each other, using scenes from Ep 1 - 3. I'll be using my own translations for this, some of which differ from the Eng subs. (Please bear with the nerdiness - I don't want to assume how much people know about Japanese)

Prefacing this by saying that this language analysis is made specifically in the context of Segasaki and Yoh's relationship. There is a power imbalance here both in terms of social hierarchy (senpai/kouhai, age gap, successful/non-successful) as well as self-image (self-confident/self-conscious). Now, most of the time we see this manifested linguistically as the party with more social power using casual language forms, whilst the one with less power remains polite or formal. However, there is much more to human interaction than that, as we see in MPW where both Segasaki and Yoh shift in and out of Speech Styles often, depending on what they want to say and accomplish, as well as their emotional state.

1) Quick & Dirty Guide To Speech Styles/Formality Levels

Formality/Politeness is a spectrum and is expressed mostly through grammar and tone (sorry for the shitty word doc screencap):

1) desu/masu = formal/polite. Standard go to with the anyone you meet. 2) Generally speaking, the longer the sentence/the more syllables you hear, the more polite the sentence 3) The less direct you can be, the more polite you will sound 4) Word contractions (tsuzukereba -> tsuzukerya) = informal + impolite (but not always rude) 5) Slurred end vowels (iranai -> iranee) = informal + mostly rude, but not always (you just sound uncouth) 6) Most words have "formal", "informal" or even "rude" variations 7) CONTEXT DETERMINES EVERYTHING Btw when I say "speaks roughly" or uses "rough speech", I mostly mean (4) + (5)

2) Speech Styles and Shifting Between Them

tl;dr Japanese Speech Styles function like the verbal equivalent of personal space - the more formal/polite the level, the bigger the circle of personal space you maintain. Shifts in speech styles indicate: 1) perceived changes in vertical and/or horizontal distance 2) the assumption of a position/role of the speaker in relation to the listener 3) changes in emotional state/the desire to convey emotion 4) the consideration of "polite company" In this post we will look at examples of the first one - Vertical and Horizontal Distance.

Speech Styles: The Long Version (English Speaker POV)

Consider the way you speak if you were to say, give an important presentation in front of potential clients, versus the way you'd speak to an acquaintance you ran into on the street vs the way you'd speak to your closest friends. Different situations call for different ways of speaking - you're more likely to speak in full sentences and pronounce your words clearly for the first situation, and say "yes" instead of "yep" or "uh huh". You're also more likely to be blunt/direct with your friends than you are with clients - "You know ILU but do not under any circumstances buy that ugly ass shirt".

These context-dependent changes in speech patterns are similar to the changes in speech styles/formality levels in Japanese. Think of speech styles as the verbal equivalent of personal space. The more formal/polite the level, the bigger the circle of personal space you maintain. Dropping a level when you shouldn't is the verbal equivalent of invading someone's personal space and can make people uncomfortable and sometimes even angry. In Japan, the baseline "distance" with the average person is the way you would speak as if you were giving a presentation. Dropping to casual/informal speech might be tolerated (just like how you can tolerate someone sitting close to you and asking some questions, but it's uncomfortable), especially if you guys are around the same age, but dropping to "what's up bitcheees" when you should be at "hey how're you doing" basically tells the other person "I don't have even the basic level of respect for you".

In the same vein, the closer you are to someone, the more welcome you are in their personal space, and thus the lower the level of formality/politeness you'll keep with them. You trust that even if you speak bluntly, they'll understand you aren't trying to insult them. When and to what extent you drop a level is usually negotiated between individuals (either directly or indirectly). Once a level of casualness is established, your friends are going to look at you funny if you suddenly get all formal with them. They might even come ask if anything's wrong, or if you're angry at them or why you sound "cold". These shifts in speech levels therefore mark more than just the vertical distance between two people (ie, differences in social hierachy), they mark the horizontal distance (ie, how close people of the same "in-group" are to each other) too.

Having said that, there are times when you will shift to a more formal tone even with your friends or family - for example, when you're hosting a game at a large party and want to explain the game rules to everyone, you might enunciate your words better or keep the jokes to the minimum in order to convey the information is clearly and efficiently as possible. Similarly, if you've been appointed the leader in a group project and need people to pay attention and listen, you might change your tone of voice to command attention. In other words, when you assume a particular position, the way you speak changes too.

Finally, the way you speak to your friends/family in the presence of others (or "polite company", as they used to say) might also change - you might have no qualms cursing up a storm with your best buddy at the bar, but you might do your best to avoid being too vulgar when you're in front of their parents or your boss/university professor.

3) Segasaki and Yoh: Vertical & Horizontal Distance

Segasaki and Yoh are part of the same "in-group" in that they are in a relationship, so the horizontal distance between them is very small and before sunny days it's a negative distance - this is shown in how both Segasaki and Yoh use informal speech with each other (they generally omit the desu/masu forms aka use plain forms, and both use the informal pronoun "俺/ore" for "I" with each other).

That said, there is also a hierarchy within that relationship (though their individual perceptions of that vertical distance differs) which stems not only from the nature of their living agreement, but also is likely to have carried over from their university days, when they shared a senior/junior relationship. Thus, generally speaking, Segasaki speaks quite roughly with Yoh whilst Yoh tends to use polite forms more often. Keep in mind however, that Japanese is a gendered language, and "rough speech" tends to be seen as a masculine speech pattern and can sometimes be normal between close male friends/family (otherwise, it is the verbal equivalent of getting up in someone's face and pushing them). The key here is that Yoh sticks to an informal, but more polite level than Segasaki does, and it is that difference that shows the power differential.

Horizontal Distance aka "We're Very Close"

Despite Yoh's very valid complaint that Segasaki takes "man-of-few-words" to the next level (itself a liberty you'd only take with someone close to you), Segasaki only drops to rude forms in Ep 1 once:

晩飯いらねぇ(banmeshi iranee) - slurred vowel [literally - "dinner, not needed"] Banmeshi is a more informal way of saying dinner (normal = yuu gohan). Despite the slurred vowel, this sentence is not dismissive nor rude - it's what you'd expect between close friends/family.

In Ep 2 we hear Segasaki speak a lot more roughly to Yoh, as below, and of course during the almost-argument. But though his words are rough his intonation is often soft and he's quite tender with his touch. So, we can see that Segasaki isn't being disrespectful per se - he's not speaking roughly because he sees Yoh as beneath him in the social hierarchy - rather, he's demonstrating intimacy, familiarity and possessiveness, all at once. In fact, the more possessive he feels of Yoh, the more he drops his levels. As mentioned earlier, you only do this with people in your "in-group", with whom you know will understand you aren't insulting them.

遅くなるからいらねぇっつっただろう (osokunaru kara iranee ttsutta darou) - slurred vowel, word contraction, informal end particle [I told you I wouldn't need it cause I'd be late right?] Though somewhat in keeping with Segaski's curtness, this is still a pretty harsh sounding line - but note how Yoh doesn't seem offended or intimidated in the slightest - he understands that Segasaki is tired after a long day, and in return Segasaki softens his tone when he next asks "What did you make?"

Vertical Distance

It's easy to focus on Segasaki's use of rough, assertive langauge as an indicator of vertical distance, and I pointed out quite a few scenes in Ep 3 where he ends off what is essentially an order with assertive sentence-final particles. But focusing on this alone gives the mistaken impression that relationships with vertical distance go one way only - down - when in fact they are bidirectional. There is a mutual dependency between both parties, as we see clearly in MPW. Linguistically, this is portrayed through Yoh's choices to shift up a speech level.

Just like how Segasaki is introduced to the audience through his proposal direct, informal and very forceful speech style, the first interaction we see Yoh have with Segasaki is a proper, standard greeting:

おかえりなさい (okaerinasai) [Welcome back] Okaerinasai is the full, proper way to say this, but a more casual and common way to say this would simply be "okaeri". See Ep 3 for discussion on standard greetings.

When Yoh thinks about Segasaki in his head, he often uses rough speech the same way Segasaki does, including the rude pronouns "aitsu/koitsu (that guy/this guy)", and yet when he speaks directly to Segasaki, he maintains an informal but still polite/neutral speech style. He rarely shifts down to rude forms, barely coming close even when drunk and emotional, but he does often switch up to a more polite level. In the above example, Yoh uses the full standard greeting in response to Segasaki's unspoken request:

俺、帰ってるんだけど (ore, kaetterun dakedo) [I've already come back, you know] Ending with "dakedo" implies that speaker is going to follow up with something, usually a request or a question. In Japanese, this request/question is often left out, because the context given prior to "dakedo" is usually enough for the listener to fill in the gaps themselves. In this case, Segasaki might want a greeting or dinner, but at the very least, it's clear he wants Yoh's attention.

We know the standard greeting earlier was a style shift upwards because later in the episode, when Yoh says good night, he uses the casual version "oyasumi" instead of the full "oyasuminasai".

Even outside of standard phrases, Yoh's baseline is informal but not rude:

あ、いま準備する (Ah, ima junbi suru) - plain form [Ah, I'll prepare it now]

Probably the most telling is in Ep 3, when he's caught off guard whilst folding laundry.

あ、なに？ (Ah, nani?) - plain form [Oh! What?] He answers Segasaki naturally, with just a word, as opposed to a proper “Hai/Yes?”, which he’s done sometimes when he’s unsure of himself, or if he's addressed directly.

So, we've established that Yoh’s baseline with Segasaki is informal but not rude - he feels comfortable enough with Segasaki to default to casual speech, but he acknowledges the power differential between them by simultaneously accepting Segasaki's rough speech as well as not dropping to it himself. This also tells us that the shifts up to formal/polite speech are deliberate and mean something. In EP 2, the shift demonstrated his insecurity surrounding his jealousy and their lack of physical affection, whereas in EP 3, he does it as a way to convey his gratitude.

In the next part, we'll look at how both Segasaki and Yoh use speech style shifts to convey emotion as well as to assume a particular position. Hope you enjoyed this!

#my personal weatherman #taikan yohou #体感予報 #MPW language analysis #sociolinguistics #japanese language #mytranslations #MPW subtitle corrections #segasaki x yoh

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nerevar-quote-and-star · 1 year

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I find it actually hilarious that ppl are saying "at least Alduin isnt racist" as if his whole schtick isnt to have complete dominance over all man and mer and as if all dragons dont believe the dovah are the SUPREME RACE and that was the whole fuckin reason that they overthrew the dragons in the first place

Species race whatever but you get my point it's very very strange

Does no one pay attention to that part of the game???

I guess not?

I raise you: every race in TES is racist against the others. Stormcloaks cities aren't alone in refusing the Khajiit caravans entrance to the cities. Imperial cities — Solitude, the Imperials capital; Whiterun, the neutral trade hub of Skyrim — refuse them.

Dunmer live in the Grey Quarter and Argonians live on the docks. This is considered wrong. But there's also the issue of thousands of years of Argonians enslavement by Dunmer and a recent invasion of Morrowind by the Argonians that decimated the southern half of the province to consider. Yes, some individuals can and do get along, but it's probably not a good idea to have two groups known to hate and antagonize each other not rubbing shoulders.

Also every Dunmer in Morrowind hates everyone else. Even other Dunmer. Outlanders . . .

The Aldmeri Dominion's entire schtick is they hate the races of men (and lesser mer, but they're pretending to like them to exploit them, shh)! They even attack members of their own Altmer race for dissention or perceived defects. They lead purges in Valenwood against the Bosmer.

Let's also remember the Countess of Leyawiin in Oblivion, Alessia Caro, who had torture chambers for Argonians and Khajiit in the castle dungeons. In a city historically rich with Argonians and Khajiit cultures.

The Bosmer and Khajiit have a long history of fighting each other. Iirc one of the Wild Hunts was instigated due to Khajiit attacks at the Valenwood - Elsweyr border.

How many times have the Bretons and Redguards sacked and burnt Orsinium, only for the Orcs to rebuild it? How many wars have been waged in the Iliac Bay region between Breton and Redguard factions, all for power?

There are so many examples. But basically:

Tl;Dr — everyone in Tamriel actually hates each other. Yes, even members of their own groups. Folks like Erandur are rare because nobody loves anyone. And if they do, it's because they want something.

#there erandur is now the only valid skyrim character #mic drop #azura's ask box #the elder scrolls #tes #skyrim #morrowind #oblivion #mod post

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batsarebetterthanpeople · 3 months

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Anyway the thing about the Jack discourse a few days ago is that human beings are very multi dimensional. Someone who doesn't really care about being perceived as nice can be a real sack of shit to one person who rubs them the wrong way and can actually be fun to be around for a person that they're sweet on. Now, you don't owe any given fictional character the benefit of the doubt in terms of treating them like a person, especially not 15 minute cameo character. However if you want to understand the relationships that fictional characters have with other fictional characters, you have to realize that those two fictional characters you're discussing are both experiencing each other as multi layered human beings, even if you the audience are not experiencing them that way.

When it comes to Jack and Ed specifically there is canonical dialogue to remind us of this: "give him a chance, you two have a lot in common, he comes on a big strong at first but he's insecure." Ed is very clearly canonically experiencing Jack as more than just a huge piece of shit. So if you want to discuss their relationship and Ed's motives for having sex with him, you have to acknowledge that Jack demonstrably treats Ed differently than how he treats Stede, and that Jack has been at least accidentally vulnerable with him before, and that Ed has reason for liking him, even if that reason is "patched each other up after hornigold based beatings and stabbings".

tl;dr: when I see someone saying they just dont believe that Ed would have sex with someone so vicious (as if he's uniformly mean to everyone and vicious is an immutable characteristic rather than a description of behavior) and that they can't conceive of that sexual relationship as anything other than self harm, it tells me that they're refusing to engage with Ed's perspective even when he gives it to them verbally.

#calico jack #calicobeard #ofmd #our flag means death #ed teach

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ifishouldvanish · 6 months

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Some Olrox Analysis & Headcanons

Have you seen this man? Now you have! 🥰

I have a lot of thoughts about Olrox Castlevania Nocturne and I'm dumping them here.

DISCLAIMER: We know so little about Olrox's past and I am but a humble stan looking at an expressionist painting and projecting my own deranged nonsense onto it. I'm fully prepared for 90% of this to get jossed in season 2, but for now I'm just letting the worms in my brain wiggle and send me beautiful visions of what could be 🥹

1. Olrox Was a Commoner and Does Not Respect Hierarchies

I've seen people point to his manner of speech and dress as evidence that he must come from a privileged background, but I think he displays too much contempt for the wealthy/nobility to have been one himself. I think these things are just symbols of power he has learned to use to his advantage.

Of course, there's everyone's favorite quote: "I prefer my blood blue." But he also demonstrates virtually no respect for authority or symbols/institutions of power in general:

He refuses the escort sent by the marquis when he arrives in France and insists on staying at the inn because he likes to "keep his ear to the ground". He would rather be around 'the people' than accept anything from the wealthy.

When Drolta is reminiscing about her glory days as a priestess, there's really not any nostalgia or sentimentality when he interrupts and says "and now those temples are half-buried in dust."

For as good as he is at presenting himself as a Gentleman of Status, he cannot bring himself to even pretend to enjoy himself at Erzsebet's lil debutante ball at the chateau.

When Erzsebet insists she is a goddess, his response is "Of course you are, sweetie 🙂"

His whole speech to Mizrak in the morning-after scene is basically a deconstruction of what power means, and how it is only a perceived vs tangible thing, a temporary position vs an immutable one:

"There are petty demon princelings you can haggle with and cheat. There are demon charlatans whose faces you can laugh in, spit in. There are demons who once were gods... And those who still are."

Foucault? In MY anime adaptation of a vampire video game?? It's more likely than u think 🤔

(continued under the cut bc this got long as hell)

2. Olrox was an Adult when Cortés Arrived

(I don't have a relevant screenshot for this point, so here's Olrox being pretty for no reason)

I've seen it float around some places that if we adhere to historical timelines to a 'T', it would make most sense for him to have been a child, but I'm of the opinion that it's more useful to take what the text itself gives us and fill the gaps with bits and pieces of the actual history where it's convenient. At the end of the day, this is a work of fiction/fantasy. So what does the text tell us?

He lived a long time as human and vampire

As of 1783, he'd been a vampire for approximately 250 years

Now, if we want to take this 250 figure literally, that would put the year of his turning at 1533. But I think we can give ourselves +/-15 years leeway because 250 is just the kind of rounded, even number one would use in natural speech in place of "267" or some shit like that. It's just how believable dialogue is written. So what lies in this +/-15 year window? The invasion by the Spanish, 1519-1521.

Now, he tells Mizrak: "Long ago, when I was still human, I watched men wade ashore from ships..."

I think this is another case of how important dialogue is. Because if he was a boy at the time, this line would likely have been written as "Long ago, when I was just a boy..." or something like "One of my earliest memories is of..." instead. "Still human" implies not only was he a human, but that he had been human for quite some time already. That the events he's describing fall in the stretch of time leading up to "still human" no longer being true.

tl;dr: the Spanish arrival and him becoming a vampire happened within a few years of each other, and if turned vampires stop aging, then he would have had to have been an adult at the time.

3. Olrox Became A Vampire Willingly

I assume that vampirism is something that was introduced to the Mexica by the Spanish in the same way it was introduced to Haiti by the French, in Annette's case.

However, rather than vampires creating spawn left and right, the persistent lore (in the show at least) is that to be turned is to be accepted into the sort of elite in-group of vampire society. (Carmilla questioning why Lisa was never turned, the Count never turning slaves, etc). Vampires feed on humans, they don't view them as potential spawn to have in thrall or whatever.

The Spanish weren't going around giving natives The Bite, because vampirism is power. So what I think, is that Olrox recognized that power, and decided to take it for himself. Rather than being the passive 'recipient' of the 'gift' of vampirism, he pried it from some Spanish vampire's cold, undead hands. (i.e., he drank their blood)

Do I have any proof of this? No. It's just what the worms in my brain are telling me �� But!!

Do I think it would be a sexy little inversion of the way Erzsebet drank a god's blood to obtain her power? Yes.

Do I think it would be thematically very appropriate for a morally grey character who seems to have a very... Interesting relationship with power (individual power vs institutional powers, the subverting of power, the weaponization of symbols of power, etc)?? Oh absolutely fuck yes!!1!

[sickos.jpg]

4. Olrox Was a Priest, But Not Like That.

Priesthood in the Mexica empire was largely dominated by the nobility, whose children would be sent to the calmecec to learn how to read and write, speak the noble dialect, perform rituals, etc. But if the circumstances were right, the children of commoners could also get in!

Olrox says he's never been much of a believer, but he's highly intelligent and incredibly good at reading people. Even if he was never a man of faith, the priesthood was still a powerful institution where one could climb the ranks and earn influence over the nobility. No doubt someone as sharp and charismatic as Olrox would be able to take advantage of the opportunity to get a good education and maybe try to undermine the system from within/play a bit of political games while he was at it.

Also... Olrox's weapon of choice is the dagger. Obviously a dagger is an appropriate weapon for a character who's kind of rogue-ish, but also consider: Aztec warriors used a lot of weapons in combat: clubs, spears, arrows, axes—but an obsidian dagger? That's something that would have been used by a priest during rituals.

5. Olrox is a Bitch™ Who Knows Just What to Say to Get Under People's Skin

A common myth is that the Mexica welcomed Cortés at first because they thought he was Quetzalcoatl. But this is a misreading of the way Mexica social conventions/the noble dialect worked, which was kinda ~passive aggressive in a way, such that the more loftily and overly politely you spoke with someone, the more you were actually telling them to go eat shit and die. I think Olrox's dialogue demonstrates this beautifully in the scene where he meets Erzsebet:

"Taker of Souls, Vampire Lioness, She Who Mauls, The Messiah of--" / "Yes, charmed to meet you 😒"

"Her magnificence has heard much about you." / "Flattered. For a god to have heard of me. 🥱"

"I am a goddess!" / "...Of course 🙂"

His words are receptive, respectful, docile, even... but his tone and delivery are completely the opposite. Compare this with the way he speaks with Richter and (in later interactions) Mizrak—which is more informal, open, confrontational. He's more direct with them because he actually respects them.

As far as reading and getting under people's skin with pinpoint precision, I present the following interactions:

When he catches the marquis' severed head in the catacombs, he reads him (and potentially also Drolta) like a book: "This one? He was just an opportunist, following the messiah because she's powerful. But there are those who love her [looks to Drolta]. So I'm told."

When Drolta gives him a verbal slap on the wrist for feeding on the wealthy, he says "mY Ap0LoGiEs, I didn't realize how invested you are in keeping the mortals happy." - To which Drolta goes on to grumble about how their alliance with some of the mortals disgusts her.

When Erzsebet is waxing poetic about how everyone will see her beauty and worship her, he has the balls to—without missing a beat—say "PaRd0n mEe, but you mean to do this through an alliance with a man who will never worship you? 🫢" right to her fcuuckin face mgod I love him so much (this is the point where she whips out the big guns and yells "I am a goddess!!" while threateningly flashing her orb of darkness btw. Like she did NOT like that)

6. Olrox Has an 'Eye for an Eye' View of Justice

A prevalent theme in Aztec religion is the idea that like... ain't nothin' in this world for free. Sacrifices to the gods weren't symbolic gestures of devotion, but an act of paying the gods back for providing humanity with the means to survive.

The idea that everything has a price pervades the dialogue he has with Mizrak in the morning-after scene:

"What was the cost? Who pays it? Just him? Or all of you? Will you? Which demon will claim his price when all this is done?"

And it's also present in the very first scene where we are introduced to Olrox:

"You see, your mama took someone from me I loved, just as much as you loved her. So, she had to die."

What's interesting about this scene is also how... calm he is the whole time—before the fight, after the fight. Yes, he's motivated by the murder of the man he loved, but he brings zero of that passion to this confrontation. It's just an execution, something inevitable that must be done.

That he's fine with confronting a terrified Richter immediately afterwards to explain what just happened (and is completely unapologetic about it) is also telling. It suggests that Olrox views this kind of thing as just 'the way of the world'—a hard truth that Richter will be better off for having learned sooner rather than later.

I think this also helps explain why, years later, Olrox seems to treat Richter with a little more.... Familiarity than we might consider appropriate. He approaches Richter in the catacombs like he's just an old acquaintance, as though Richter should have no reason to be terrified of him. When Drolta mentions the incident later, he seems kind of lightly amused by it. Then, when he drops off the book, he's visibly/audibly frustrated that Richter starts gearing up for a fight. To Olrox, the whole "killed your mom" thing is water under the bridge, nothing personal.

7. Olrox is a Vampire of Prominence in The New World

Obviously, he has to be kind of a big deal to give a Belmont a run for their money. But let's go deeper into the IMPLICATIONS!!

"In 250 years, do you know how many vampire hunters have promised to slice me in two?"

"Her magnificence has heard much about you."

"You will be her guide into America."

He's enough of a big deal that countless hunters have promised to kill him. Enough of a big deal that Erzsebet has not only heard of him, but sees him as a valuable ally who knows enough about America to guide her as she builds her empire across it.

Olrox wasn't just a powerful vampire who got entangled with the politics of colonial Massachusetts and happened to cross paths with a Belmont. He's presumably had a hand in matters across the continent. Erzsebet refers to the colonists as "American upstarts" but for her, this is a conflict between humans vs vampires. The American colonists aren't allies or even rivals to her—because they're not vampires. They're just more pesky humans to be dealt with. (Also??? 'Protestant Vampires' as a concept is just hilarious to me, I'm so sorry)

So.

What the worms in my brain are telling me is—And this is Big!! This is a Steaming Hot Take!!!

(...seriously, tin foil hat tier headcanon incoming)

Olrox has established a network of indigenous vampires who are resisting the colonial threat. He's been turning them (or at least select individuals who are into it), and thereby redistributing the power he took from the Spanish colonizers to wield against the British colonizers.

(Look I have 0.01% faith in this actually being canon or anything. I just think it would be cool as fuck.)

Anyway.

Thanks for coming 2 my Ted talk or whatever. 😘

#Olrox #castlevania #castlevania nocturne

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jacquesthepigeon · 6 months

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Thinking again about parental relationships in ML and how much they leave to be desired

Luka and Juleka had the deadbeat dada drama and it concluded with the father/son relationship being the only one that mattered and Juleka, who canonically was insecure about her relationship with Mr. Deadbeat, being not so much as a bullet note; not to mention having other characters ignore Anarka’s influence in their musical upbringing (ignoring moms becomes a running theme 🤪)

Chloé. Complete and total daddy’s girl except when she’s evil, in which case she’s her absentee mother’s daughter. Daddy’s responsible for the good, mommy for the bad. Excellent non sexist writing /s. Don’t wanna dwell on her.

With Marinette, I get the impression that she’s closer to her father than she is her mother, which by itself isn’t a problem, but then we compare the amount of individual characterization Tom and Sabine get (as in, when they’re not a monolith) and like. Tom gets all the personality while Sabine gets all the foreign mysticism and also is the emotionally stable/responsible one and apparently had 0 influence on Marinette’s upbringing whatsoever and I’m just tired of it. It’s a tired trope. Other salters can speak about the subject better. TL;DR: Tom is a character whereas Sabine is a caricaturistic space filler. Moving on.

That brings us to the most important parent/child relationship: Gabriel and Adrien. I’m gonna skip over most of the analysis for this one cuz it’s all been said already. Gabriel abuses Adrien. Adrien loves his father unconditionally. Emilie is somehow a nonfactor in all of this (see what I meant about a running theme?). Gabriel drops dead. Adrien still loves his father unconditionally and also is super chill with him being dead. Oh wait, did I say their relationship is the most important? My bad, I meant to say their relationship is completely inconsequential to the plot and that Gabriel’s motivations for pretty much everything could be explained through his obsession for his fridged wife and his perceived Ideal. These two could go the entire series without speaking to each other and nothing would change. In the grand scheme of things, these two don’t matter to each other’s alleged “arcs”; Gabriel is a selfish prick who supposedly redeemed himself… by being a selfish prick, and Adrien makes friends and allegedly grieves fantastically (if at all).

And it’s such a shame because each of these dynamics have so much to offer narratively but miss the mark by leagues. Dad = Good. Mom = inconsequential unless it’s Bad in which case it’s her fault entirely. It’s disappointing on its own for all the untapped potential and sexist as hell if you think about it for more than two seconds.

@ the men writing this show: text ur mom an apology and do better

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betaboks · 13 days

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Time to yap since I've been posting abt this without fully elaborating. Little profiles for the siblings here and here

tl;dr I just wanted to do a little swap au where the modded siblings r the normal ones now, but I still wanted to keep the fact they're generally not very good siblings to Sanji (with the exception of Reiju) instead of swapping that dynamic as well.

Reiju's mods never really worked on her, even though they were attempted after birth. The boys all got spared by their mother in the womb at the cost of her dying much earlier than she did in canon, except for Sanji, who came out "right". Quickly it was pretty clear he fulfilled the role of a weapon with flying colors, but his emotional mods left him with very little personality and expressiveness, so he wouldn't be any good for actually running Germa when it came down to that.

So, suddenly the failures are deemed necessary. Judge can't get rid of them, even in a way that helps him save face.

It doesn't stop him from reminding them that they're failures that couldn't hope to live up to his expectations, and it also doesn't stop him from trying to "fix" them, even though it hasn't worked. Even though they're royalty, there's an air about them because of how their father talks about them. None of the staff are ever gonna dare treat them poorly but you can tell there's a neon sign over their heads calling them all disappointments. They end up split up as well so there's less solidarity or space to find comfort in each other between them. Niji ends up as a scientist, Yonji as a soldier, Ichiji as the crown prince with all the education and responsibility that entails, and Reiju is sort of in limbo, though she acts as an advisor. It is a bit miserable, though even with all this they do still try to find time together.

Sanji at some point gets told to not let any of his siblings come to harm, and it quickly becomes an order he prioritizes much more than Judge could've predicted he would. He is their protector above all else, and they are important.

At some point whilst Judge is trying to modify his siblings again later in life (likely whilst Yonji was getting his arm replaced, I have smth specific in mind but I'm not sure about it so that'll be sorted later!) Sanji comes to perceive Germa as physically harming his siblings, one of the things he isn't supposed to let happen. So he gathers them all together during a quiet time, splits off some of their snail ships, and leaves with them. Effectively, they've all run away.

That's the setup.

They gain a reputation over time on the Grand Line as the ship with the vicious guard dog. They don't fly a jolly roger, but they get into enough scuffles and subsist off of stealing from other pirates enough that they get treated similarly to pirates regardless, even though they're not usually the aggressors. Sanji is just thorough like that.

Months after all of that happens and they're settled down after the initial chaos of finally getting out of Germa (though still on the run and sailing, they're definitely still being looked for), Niji ends up suggesting that they euthanize Sanji. It comes from a place of care, he thinks it's unfair and inhumane that he has to live with no feelings and only really having orders to follow as motivation for things, and this starts a chain of infighting and arguing between all of his siblings.

Yonji agrees, though he doesn't really care for Sanji. He sees him to some degree as a weapon, and one they'd do well to get rid of because he could be used against them when their father rears his ugly head again. Reiju disagrees just on principle, and is kind of mortified that Niji's solution to their brother being different from them is to just end his life. She's retained what her mother tried instilling in her. Ichiji disagrees, but for practical reasons. He also doesn't much care, but he knows they're on the Grand Line, and that Yonji being a good fighter isn't going to get them out of scuffles unscathed the way having Sanji around as their guard dog does. It is kind of hard to argue against that, all things considered, but it's not the sort of argument that's going to keep anything at bay for too long either. It keeps bubbling back up and strains all of their relationships.

Sanji, of course, hears all of this. None of them consult him on the issue or tell him about it directly. He remains loyal to them all anyway. He is still their guard dog.

Things happen from there obviously but I hope to write a fic so that'll be for a later date if I ever get around to it. Hoping I do. I still wanna just put this out here in case I never do get around to it LOL. Feel free to ask questions and such :] I like engaging with people

#binsarte #one piece #one piece au #vinsmoke reiju #vinsmoke ichiji #vinsmoke niji #vinsmoke sanji #vinsmoke yonji #vinswap au

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rin-and-jade · 14 days

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In-Between Lines: A Post about Blurring, Blending & Fusing

We are like colors in a single palette, each with its own distinct vibrancy that our eyes can easily tell apart. Sometimes, when these colors touch, they create a faint overlap, making it difficult to distinguish where the red ends or when the blue is still truly blue upon contact,

Hopefully metaphor above explains how different colors may appear similar when mixed together, even though they are actually quite different depending on how one approaches the method. As how we will perceive today's topic similarly as.

Fast pass: TL;DR on bottom.

What are the difference, anyway..

It's definitely tough trying to grasp these definitions when we live our lives separated as parts, sometimes this topic may also appear mysterious as many don't talk on it.

Throw your worries away, as it is far from scary, or a bad thing to experience, nor it is impossible to understand, here's my breakdown on them, firstly:

Blur When the lines between distinct parts are reduced, though still walled up, it causes a partial leak of traits or behaviors from one part to another. Because this is the weakest level of penetration through the amnesia barriers, these qualities spill out incompletely. This makes it difficult to determine which traits belong to which part, or to identify who you feel closest to when experiencing blurring. An example would be putting on a gaussian blur filter to an object, the clear outline between the table and table is harder to separate, making it difficult to identify their exact details, though you can still vaguely recognize them.

Blend During blending, the barriers between parts are temporarily weakened, creating better transmission of traits and thoughts compared to blurring. From this, the overlaps between parts become more visible, making it easier to tell which traits belong to each part. In this state, they may be aware of the emotions and behaviors of other parts, while still able to distinguish it from their own qualities. Think of blending as an additional extension to your current personality state. An example would be applying a semi transparent image above an existing one, some overlaps fits with the main image, though the relevance or the elements from the second image is still be able to be told apart.

Fuse This is where the barriers completely dropped, where blending is the temporary and less complete form of it only, fusing is where you fully accept and be aware of the overlapping traits as your own. Since there's no more dissociation between the two parts, you will start to identify previously other's traits as yours. Fusing is a more stable and permanent state compared to blending. An example would be building a bigger version out of existing tiny lego creations. The block colors would mix, and the final outcome reflects what the smaller buildings looked like previously, the separated buildings were never gone or altered, but unified despite distinct, unlike how most think fusing feels like.

Why does it happen?

Honestly this topic by itself is complicated while i'd like to keep it as compact as possible. So here's the straight forward reasons why blur and blend can happen:

When you find yourself in a blur, it can be due to..

Stress - due to triggers or feelings that arises from other parts, which partially leaked and is affecting the overall mental state. This greatly varies, depending on the capacity to handle stress.

Exhaustion - due to not having enough energy to expend into distinguishing parts or gain clarity on what's going inside. For some they will blur more often when tired, while some will not be as frequent or never, depending on resilience.

Unfocused - confusion, or disorientation, means the brain cannot function normally to respond to internal or external cues, leaving gaps in details and attention. Other comorbids that affects attention and cognitive abilities will also heavily affect this.

Currently busy - due to how a demanding task requires your full attention, that being said, other functions are currently being upheld. This also depends on how much load a person can handle, some would be unaffected from it.

Fixing blurriness consists of various solutions, such as getting enough sleep or breaks, being in a less energy-demanding space, hydrating adequately, and proper nutrition. As blurriness can be caused by brain fog, it generally takes time to recover and function normally again.

The span of being blurry can vary for everyone, it can be short as for a few hours or days at best, or it can last months depending on your lifestyle and current life situation. Pay attention to what things can blur you, a pattern should bring insight.

When you find yourself to be in a blend, it can be due to..

Significant stress - stronger reactions to a situation cause other parts to bleed their behaviors. Different stress will cause different intensities on blurring.

Triggers - due to parts respond to something they resonate with, although not strong enough to switch, heavily influencing temporary behavior. Just like from stress, different triggers does the same.

Emotional charges - similar to triggers, but specifically with any negative or positive emotions, causing a sudden shift in thinking or feelings. The types of emotions and how intense will affect a blend, too.

Attempt to communicate - due to accidental integration when trying to be aware, connect/communicate, or understand others, as the qualities flow more than usual, creating an uncalled moment of blend.

Fixing blend would depend on situation. Generally if it is harmless, opt to wait it out until the lines of separation builds up again or alternatively, reclaim your clarity on what qualities or traits belong to you, and what belonged to the other to encourage severing a blend.

If it is due to harmful/difficult situations, it is much better to resolve or minimize the severity of the blend until you regain composure and process any emotional/thought bleeds that is causing a blend.

You missed the last one,

Ofcourse i won't forget about it, just that it is a very different aftermath compared to the previous ones.

What is fusing

Fusing is similar to blending, which is a temporary version, though this time you identify all of the qualities of the other parts more permanently and consistently as your own. The process to fusion can look like a seamless flow or can find it be more challenging to integrate. What it feels like

Unlike the circulating ideas of what fusing feels like, no parts are truly gone or have their highlighted traits disappeared. Consider it like mixing the colors blue and red to create a dominant purple hue. Although traces of blue and red can still be seen, the idea is that blue and red still exist closely enough that they are nearly indistinguishable, yet the essence of the pure colors is never gone.

An easier way to understand it is like emulsifying water and oil by shaking it. These two elements never create something entirely new but they are evenly dispersed, creating a tangible idea of integration.

You will start to like what the previous parts would've said, you will also be able to view and react to a situation in a more nuanced way as you had obtained another pov, and you will feel the more complex or sometimes opposing information that still can be true.

For example, A was a protective and cautious part towards people, and B was a compassionate and kind part due to its morals,, these two had constantly disagreed and fought over how the situation must be handled due to the inability to integrate the separate opinions/views. Now that they both fused, as C, upon meeting a new stranger, instead of A's natural instinct to fully avoid interaction, B's gentle demeanor thought that it would be rude. So C responds by approaching the stranger with curiosity, understanding that not all are evil, though still wary just in case for safety as A would, to prevent another negative experience.

What encourages a fuse

Working on trauma, which involves addressing and processing the compartmentalized and unprocessed emotional or mental damage of the past, encourages fusing. Since parts exist to hold and separate the pain, hiding the whole picture. To integrate is to fuse.

Working on triggers, uncovering repressed memories, processing unfinished business, healing unhealthy behaviors or mindsets, and establishing overall acceptance of your own parts will make the barriers for self protection become meaningless, creating an easier time to fuse and feel more whole, with better control between facets.

When you don't want to fuse

It's pretty valid, some are more comfortable being whole, while some would prefer being distinct yet fully functioning.

The alternative to this would be functional multiplicity, where the integration manifests differently as better internal communication, equal cooperation, sharing the same goal for the future, have healthy conflict resolutions between each other, respecting each part's boundaries, and lastly, able to be aware of other parts and their emotions.

Functional Multiplicity and Full Fusion are equally good, they are neither worser or better, as it heavily depends on the person's preference and comfort level.

Last notes

Remember, blurring, blending, and fusing never looks the same for everyone, everything written here are given purpose as insights on how it generally will look like.

What do you previously think fusing is like? Is it as you'd expect after reading it? Feel free to share your experiences related to this topic too, i'd love to hear them all! (though sorry, i don't think i can reply to everyone if so)

Feel free to let me know if you have questions, or need help in this topic! My DMs and askbox will still be available, although i also want to announce that i am taking 1-2 weeks of break before continuing again to enjoy my academic holiday.

(due to reason of how educative posts easily exceed 10 hours in process before release including interviewing, researching, and writing from start to end.. im tired)

TL;DR

Blurring, blending, and fusing are different levels of integration that can manifest in a system.

Blur: Partial leaks of traits between parts due to reduced but intact barriers. It’s the weakest form of integration, making it hard to identify distinct traits. Example: A Gaussian blur filter on an image, making objects hard to distinguish.

Blend: Temporary weakening of barriers, allowing more traits to flow between parts. Traits are more identifiable but still distinct. Example: A semi-transparent image overlay, showing both images' details.

Fuse: Permanent merging of parts, integrating all traits as one’s own. Traits from all parts are combined, creating a coherent personality. Example: Mixing colors to create a new hue while retaining traces of the original colors.

Reasons for Blurring & Blending:

Stress: Triggers cause partial leaks or stronger reactions.

Exhaustion: Lack of energy to distinguish parts.

Unfocused: Confusion or disorientation.

Busy: Demanding tasks take full attention.

Managing Blurring & Blending:

Blurring: Rest, reduce stress, stay hydrated, proper nutrition.

Blending: Wait for clarity, resolve stressful situations, reclaim individual traits.

Fusing:

Process: Working on trauma, triggers, repressed memories, and acceptance of all parts encourages fusing.

Outcome: Unified personality with integrated traits, retaining the essence of original parts.

Functional Multiplicity: Preferred by some, involves cooperation and communication between distinct parts without full integration, achieving similar functionality.

Remember, these processes vary greatly for each individual. Blurring, blending, and fusing can look different for everyone, and both full fusion and functional multiplicity are valid approaches depending on personal preference and comfort.

- j

#did #actually did #did community #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #plural #sysblr #system stuff #jeducates

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