#((I may have to get to a few in abt an hour since I'm almost off of work))

[vaultdwellerbarbie]

chasing shadows

javi rivera x f!reader (8.5k wc)

summary after the trauma of losing three friends, your boyfriend javi becomes incredibly distant and leaves for the military with as little as a note. when he finds out that kate had helped you get a job with her in new york upon asking her to come back to oklahoma with him, neither of you are sure how to proceed

content warnings smut, vaginal fingering, unprotected sex (don't try this at home), angst with a happy ending, trauma/near death experiences, probably more than half of this is tooth-rotting fluff, heavy mentions of freckles i'm so sorry i love them, idiots in love trope

hi all!!! i'm moving tomorrow and may not have time to write full fics until august 4th - if anyone has any hc requests for any or all characters pls send them almost a week without posting fics abt my beautiful twisters characters makes me sad

When you were a witness to three of your closest friends dying, and happened to only escape by the skin of your teeth, you figured that it couldn’t get much worse than that. 

Coping with what had happened was difficult, but you had survived. Kate had survived - even though Kate ran to New York City - and your boyfriend, Javi, had survived. So long as you had Javi with you, you reasoned, you were going to be able to recover from what had happened. You had lost them, but you hadn’t lost the person who you loved more than anything.

Kate, before leaving for Manhattan, encouraged you to keep him close. She had watched the beginning of your relationship - really, she had taken part in it. Her and Addy had been the ones that played matchmaker to get the both of you together since they were absolutely sick of watching you pine over each other like needy teenagers. She had lost her partner in the storm, and she was a constant reminder that you were lucky that you still had Javi. She reminded him that he was lucky that he still had you, too, since you had been by her side when the storm hit. You didn’t stay back with him, data collection wasn’t your role in the group. 

When you came back, he had to search hospital after hospital to find the two of you. Javi had no idea whether you were alive or not, and that was what killed him the most.

In the hospital, he promised to never leave your side, just as he had promised to Kate that he wasn’t going to take your relationship for granted. He had almost lost you, and he vowed that he was never going to allow himself to lose sight of you again.

For the first few months, you tried to find purpose in your life. While Javi was struggling to even think of a place where he could work, you ended up working at a local news station in the meteorology department. Javi wasn’t bringing any money home, but you didn’t expect him to. He moved in with you for a while, and you had hoped that the two of you were going to be able to recover. 

The first time you saw him smiling again was the first sign of hope you had that he was going to be able to get better, to at least get himself out of the house for more than the few hours that you went out with him. That hopefulness ended up being foolish, though. 

Javi did end up deciding to to out more, just not with you. Not with… anyone that he knew, and he certainly didn’t get a local job.

In a note that he left on your nightstand, seemingly after sneaking out in the early hours of the morning, he let you know that he had made a decision to join the military. Some part of you wanted to understand that he was coping, but you were coping too. You had done everything in your power to be there for him, to support him, to help him find some sort of peace in his life, and after promising to never let you out of his sight, he decided that he couldn’t find that peace with you in it. 

At first, you tried moving in with family. You couldn’t stand the idea of being alone for even a second, and you now had to add heartbroken onto the loss of your friends and your near-death experience. It was the very next day after his unannounced departure that you decided to move in with family, the very first time that you questioned if you had a purpose on the planet at all or if you were just being thrown into a sick joke after a sick joke until you finally got the memo that your time on this Earth was limited. 

Living at home lasted for about a week and a half before you reached out to Kate. She was, of course, dismayed that Javi had left without doing anything more than leaving a note. You still had his phone number, you could have reached out to him, but after the first day, you didn’t even consider it. He had chosen to break his promise, and you weren’t sure that you wanted him to respond. Did you want to hear his voice? Did you want to have a text message read and ignored by him? The risk felt like it outweighed the reward. So, while you were technically the one who went no-contact, it was his own choices that led you down that path. 

A day after your phone call with Kate, she called you back to let you know that there was an opening within her organization. It was more akin to what you had been doing, working in the meteorology department, but you would be reporting to a partner of the company and delivering the forecast on the news. The job sounded daunting, just speaking in front of that many people seemed scary to you, but it also seemed like a fresh start.

Plus, some petty, juvenile part of your brain wanted Javi to turn the weather on and be forced to see you one way or another. Granted, he probably wasn’t getting Manhattan-local weather wherever he was stations, but it was the thought that counted. 

So, with a little fee for breaking your lease early, you moved into a shoebox apartment in Manhattan with a single roommate because you didn’t trust yourself to have a place all to yourself. Not with your deteriorating mental health. 

After a while, you fell into the rhythm of things. Romance was something that never came back to you, but you also never looked for it. Sometimes, you considered doing something to bring some sort of romance back into your life. Mainly, you would try to go to a nice bar after work and consider bringing someone home after having yet another night’s sleep haunted by dreams of Javi and painful memories of the tornado. Each time, if someone got a little too close, you got clammy and ran. Maybe it was a refusal to have your heart broken again, or maybe it was because you just couldn’t find anyone who compared to him in your mind.

At one point, years later, you had received a message from Javi. Rather than send an actual apology, he just asked if you could call him. Naturally, rather than confronting your feelings and your past, you pretended that he had the wrong number. Was it the mature decision? Not at all. But, considering the fact that he had run away with little consideration for your feelings to do something that he had never once mentioned as being something that he was interested in, you weren’t convinced that the mature decision was something that he actually deserved.

It wasn’t until he showed up at the office that you forgot how to behave. 

Having decided to visit Kate in the morning to bring her coffee, something that you did every morning if she was starting after you, you didn’t expect to end up having her tell you to ‘come along’ to the conference room since she was certain that it wasn’t something you could at least sit outside of. Breakfast together was something sacred to you both, and everyone knew that. She, of course, could never have anticipated that the person that she was meeting with was the person who’s face, smile, freckles, and cold exit haunted your every waking moment whenever you let your mind wander to what could have been. 

Now, in your mind, there were two options. Option one, you could choose the flight response and leave the room just as quickly as Javi had turned to face you. Or, option two, you could choose the fight response and get into an argument with him right then and there about why he had done what he had done and how it had hurt you. Instead, you decided upon a secret third option in which you stood there silently, refusing to meet his eyes, playing with the sleeve of your shirt while he spoke with Kate.

If it weren’t for Kate dragging you along with her, you probably would have remained glued to that office floor for the rest of the work day just trying to figure out if what had just happened was real. But what had happened was real, and even though he had changed his hair and come back with a new look, he was still Javi. He still looked at you as though he was still in love with you even though you were certain that he never was, and he was still the person who had made you question if romantic love even existed. 

What began as an invitation for just Kate to come to Oklahoma, ended up being an invitation for the both of you to come. Both of you rejected it, but while Kate rushed out of the diner, you remained glued to your seat - this seemed to be a common occurrence.

“Are you going to come?”

“What?” That being the first thing either of you said to each other was certainly not how you would have ever hoped to reunite with him - but had you ever been hoping to reunite with him to begin with. Your heart was heavy just looking at him. Not just because you remembered the most recently feeling associated with Javi, being pain and heartbreak. But because you remembered the love that you had for him, and how much you adored every feature on his face, how it had become habit for you to trace and count the freckles on his skin and to stare at him when he smiled like he hung the moon in the sky. That pain went a lot deeper than feeling betrayed, because it took everything in you to not ask him if you could ever try again. 

“Are you going to come to Oklahoma?”

“Oh, uh, you heard Kate… so. I should probably get going, it was nice seeing you.”

“Wait-”

“I’ve gotta go. Late for work.” 

Without giving him another glance, you almost sprinted out of the door and back to the office. 

The rest of the day was filled with pain for you, pain even with Kate’s company because all you could think about wasn’t how he had hurt you, but how much you missed him. You almost wanted to text him, to tell him that you’d go. If you were being honest, you genuinely were interested in what he was describing. If it was what he said it was, perhaps what you had all wanted to have as an end goal to begin with was possible. But, beyond that, you knew that you were never going to stop missing him; you knew that you would never stop being in love with him.

Still, you held firm in your position to not reach out - how could you even explain to him that he actually did have the right number without sounding juvenile? Maybe you shouldn’t worry too much about that, since he was the one that left you to begin with. But you still worried, and you still couldn’t bring yourself to text him because as far as you were concerned, his efforts to patch things up had been abysmal at best. 

The next morning, Kate was incredibly forward with her desire to go back to Oklahoma. That was how you ended up on a plane with her even though you weren’t one hundred percent certain that you were making the right decision. It was one thing to go back to the place where you experienced your worst trauma, another to do the exact same thing you were doing that traumatized you in the first place, and it was only made worse with the added knowledge that you were going to be doing it all alongside the person who had left you more broken than you already were to begin with. 

Arriving in a place that was once so familiar to you should have felt like coming home after a long time away. In a sense, it did. Everything was something that you recognized at least in some capacity, and you couldn’t proclaim that you didn’t feel some sort of familiarity when Javi came to pick yourself and Kate up from the airport, but that certainly didn’t aid with your discomfort. Regardless of how comfortable you wanted to portray yourself, you were incredibly, incredibly worried about spending a week with Javi. In general, you just weren’t sure that you could handle it. Especially since he had taken the time to learn how to dress and smell nicely, rather than you just finding him attractive in anything he wore.

Still, you couldn’t deny that he would still be attractive in anything regardless of what it was. No matter how much time had passed, no matter how upset with him you were, you couldn’t deny that you still found him to be the most attractive person you knew - but maybe that was jut because you were in love with him.

The first day was a bit rocky for everyone. Kate hadn’t been able to go through with the chase and you had been so distracted with trying to help her that you weren’t able to do much to stop her. When she rushed you all into the car, you presumed that she knew what she was doing; Kate always knew was she was doing, so you trusted her. When it became clear that she didn’t, that she was just afraid, you could understand why. You had seen a few tornadoes since the last one, lived through them since you didn’t leave immediately, so you were a bit more desensitized to it. But chasing again was a different story, and it invoked a lot of memories that you had hoped would stay buried in your subconscious until you returned home at the very least. 

When you were able to return to your motel, you ended up spending part of the night out talking to some of the people tailgating in the parking lot. Javi had invited yourself and Kate, though you were certain that he knew just as well as you did how awkward it was going to be. That was why he didn’t mind so much when you broke off from awkward, stiff conversations to talk to Dani and Lily. They were, technically, the rivals to Storm Par, but he had done enough damage to your relationship and didn’t really feel any desire or need to do anything more to it.

Although you were a bit nervous to look at him, you would have been entirely blind to miss the longing glances. How every time you smiled - according to Lily - his entire face lit up before he started ‘pouting like you kicked him in the nuts’. When the Wranglers started dissipating into their rooms, the groupies that followed them did, too. There were only a few remaining stragglers, two of which being yourself and Javi.

“Thank you for inviting me.” Your voice was quiet, but your words were the same that you would give to a friend or a relative inviting you out for something or another. It should have been nothing more than that, it should have meant nothing more than that, but you knew that it meant something else. Even though you’d barely spent any time with him directly, you’d spent some time with him, a lot more time than you had since he left.

“Anytime, you should-” Javi paused, walking you to the steps of the motel. You let him walk up with you, it was the gentlemanly thing to do. Any man would do the same thing, was what you reasoned to yourself, even if it meant nothing since you were no longer in a relationship. “You should come out more often.”

“To Oklahoma? That would be pretty expensive.” You knew what he was really saying, but some part of you wanted to deflect it as much as you could.

“No- well, if you want to. But, no, I mean while you’re here. These don’t really stop unless something really bad happens. You know that.” You did know that, you used to do this with him all the time. The difference, though, was that even before you were dating him you spent the entire night glued to his side. Whether he was making you laugh, or it was the other way around - or, even, you just sat closely together because you liked being close together. 

For a moment, your mind was lost in a memory of a tailgate after a chase, a relatively calm chase at that. It was a bit busier outside than usual, not quite as humid as it could have been so more people were out and enjoying the weather and the company. You, however, got a little cold after a while. Sitting next to Javi, he noticed. He lent you his jacket, he let you fall asleep on him, and he held you until he felt just a little bit unsafe sitting outside since most people were in bed and it was getting incredibly late. That was the night in which you realized that you loved him, but now you were just left wondering if it ever really mattered just how much you loved him - how much you still love him. 

“Maybe, depends how tired I am I guess.” You responded, finally reaching the door to your motel room. You expected to just hear him bid you a goodnight, but you felt him lightly place a hand on your shoulder. 

Turning to face him, your breath hitched in your throat as you noticed how close he actually was. 

“Sorry.” Javi dropped his hand from your shoulder, but he almost seemed like he didn’t want to do so.

“It’s okay.” Your voice was meek, because a part of you craved his physical touch more than anything, just- something. A hug, even, a handshake. Something, after being apart for so long. You wanted him close more than anything, but that felt like it was something entirely out of your reach at this point. 

“I just wanted to talk to you- I wanted to tell you that I fucked up.”

“With the scanners?”

“No, I- I’m sorry, I’m so sorry about- I shouldn’t have left you like that, I regret it every day and I know nothing I can say to make it up to you but I just want you to know.”

You weren’t sure what to say, what you could say without crying. You wanted him to apologize years ago, but you also weren’t sure if anything he could ever do or say could make it up to you. 

“Why didn’t you at least keep in contact? I would’ve been okay with you going anywhere, even the military, if you didn’t cut me out. You know I would have supported you.” Just as you had supported him every day that you were together. He knew that, you knew he knew that. It was why it made no sense to you that he seemed to feel as though you wouldn’t be okay with what he had chosen to do. Realistically, you would have missed him, but you would have understood because you truly just wanted him to be okay. 

“I was a coward, that’s why. It had nothing to do with you, I messed up, not you.” Javi seemed to be struggling to find the words he was looking for - he had an expression on his face that was similar to one you had seen Kate pull, one that meant he was trying to find a way around expressing information that made him uncomfortable to even think about again. “I had so much guilt, I should have been there for you and I wasn’t. I’m sorry- you never should have been in the field, not without me, and you needed someone who can protect you, but I missed- I miss you. I miss you so much.” 

“That was never your fault, Javi.” You hated that he felt guilty for not doing more to help, for losing people he loved and almost losing you and Kate as well. Even though you were always upset with him for going without saying anything, you hoped that he had been able to find some sort of peace within himself in the process. He never seemed to conquer that guilt, but you hoped that he would. “I miss you more than anything.” You admitted, your eyes locked on his for only a brief moment before you were in his arms again.

You weren’t entirely sure who initiated the hug, but you couldn’t get enough of having him this close again, of the warmth coming off of his body. He was always so beautiful to you, and even though he looked different now, he was still the most beautiful, warm person you had ever had the absolute pleasure of knowing. A small part of your mind hated how much you still loved him despite everything, but another part of your mind was just happy to have him close. 

The feeling of his face pressed against you made you want to lean in closer, to hold onto him like it was the absolute last thing you were going to do. But, eventually, you had to pull away, to look at him, to speak more to him. 

“I lied about my phone number. I’m sorry.”

He nodded, not looking entirely surprised by that. “I probably deserved that.”

“Do you want to, um, do you want to talk about it more?”

“Please.”

So, for about three hours, you sat with Javi in the motel-room bed, discussing everything that had transpired and where it went wrong. At first, it almost just seemed like a series of apologies. Apologies that morphed into telling each other how your lives had been during the time that you were apart. Story tellings that morphed into you laughing together like nothing had ever happened, which morphed into you letting him hold you while you fell asleep and he practiced being transparent and telling you that he would probably leave while you were asleep since he had a meeting in the morning. 

Even though you fell asleep cuddled up to him, you rejected the impulses to kiss him again, to tell him that you were still terribly in love with him and that he should know. You, still planning on going back to New York, couldn’t be the one to do the very same thing that he had done to you and leave him alone

The next day should have been fine, and it was until the storm. The storm that left you hiding with a bunch of other people for shelter - without any of the people who you cared about the most. You knew that Javi had something to handle with his work, and you knew that Kate was with the cowboy that seemed fond of her. So, you decided that you wanted to explore. Since you hadn’t been around in a while, you wanted to re-experience the things that had once been so familiar to you before everything had gone wrong and you had decided to leave. 

For a while, it felt nice to wander around. But that didn’t last, and by the time you found Javi, you were thoroughly convinced that there was a chance you were never going to see him again.

“Please, please call me if you get stuck in a storm. I just need to know that you’re okay.” Javi’s voice was shaken, even though there were more things that were burdening him. Namely, Kate. Kate was burdening his mind because of their disagreement, because she had taken the car that let her use earlier in the day and run somewhere with it. But he was also shaken because he remembered what it felt like to almost lose you before, and he couldn’t do it again.

“Javi- I have to go back to New York.”

“What? No, no, you can-”

“The motel’s kinda out of service.”

“Stay with me, please. Just stay with me.” 

Staying with Javi was a slippery slope. If you had a vehicle, you could have driven to the family home. As it stood, that was too far away, and renting a car at this hour when a storm had just hit town was out of the question. If you wanted to, you could wait it out in the airport, eventually get an extremely early-morning trip back to Manhattan. Or, you could stay with Javi. The issue with staying with Javi was that you were worried that, if you did, you would never want to leave.

“Please, just one night.” Javi had been petrified of losing you, you knew that. “Just so I know you’re okay.” 

“One night.” 

It was almost sad how badly you wanted to pull him closer, to kiss him because a small part of you was worried that you were never going to be able to again since you were so ill-prepared for that storm. Instead, you settled on giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek and let him drive you back to where he lived. 

For about an hour you tried to sleep alone in his room while he slept on the couch, but when you couldn’t stop tossing and turning you found yourself lying awake. The underlying fear that another surprise would come from mother nature that evening was something that you couldn’t fully shake, even though it was incredibly unlikely. But then there was Javi. As much as you tried to think about something else, to distract yourself, all you could really think about was him. You hated that he was sleeping on the couch in his own home, that this bed smelled so much like him.

Finally deciding that you had enough, you got up from the bed and walked into the main room. He was still awake, texting one of his co-workers from the looks of it. There was a deep frown on his face, his eyebrows furrowed as he read whatever he was being sent. Even though he had denied earlier that he felt wrong about what he was doing while he was talking to Kate, it was clear that some part of him did. Maybe, though, it was her that got through to him and made him question if he was okay with his own actions or not.

“Javi?”

“You’re still awake, do you need anything?” He questioned, turning the phone off and giving you his full attention.

“You shouldn’t sleep out here, it’s not right.” 

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

As you walked closer to the couch, Javi moved into a sitting position so you had room to sit beside him. Theoretically, you could have chosen to sit on the opposite end of the couch. Instead, your body naturally decided to sit closer to him than you needed to.

“I’m not comfortable being alone right now.” It was something that you didn’t really want to admit, even to yourself. Growing up surrounded by storms, chasing them, it was something that you were used to. But you had almost died doing this before, and you had been caught entirely off guard by this one. Showing fear in the face of something that you were used to made you feel weak, and Javi could see the insecurity in your eyes when you told him that. That’s why he didn’t give any more thought to his own worries and agreed to join you in the bed. 

It didn’t take more than five minutes for you to swallow your pride and cuddle up to him, and his warm and welcoming arms allowed you to hear just how quickly his heart was beating. You couldn’t deny that you missed the feeling of his warmth, of his touch, of being with him like this. You had never stopped missing him, even though you tried to convince yourself that you were okay and at peace with what had happened. While you had predominantly found peace with your trauma, you could never find it with the idea of not having Javi in your life.

The feeling of his fingers tracing shapes into your skin distracted you from your thoughts, your mind beginning to slow down as you were lulled to sleep. 

When you woke up, you almost expected Javi to have already left. Last night was chaotic, and given the nature of his company, you were certain that he was going to have a lot to deal with. But there he still was, fast asleep with his phone still charging on the night stand. Often, you woke up before him when you were still together. It was how you got so good at making breakfast, even though your heart was always warm when he made an effort to get up early to make you breakfast instead. 

There was an urge within you to get up and do what you always did when you woke up before him, but you had no idea how long he could stay after he woke up or what he even had in his kitchen. It felt like overstepping your boundaries to go in there and just start cooking without even asking first. 

Besides, you were content to just lay there watching him. You always liked having time to observe him, to count the freckles on his face and enjoy the sight of him entirely relaxed. Even though you were both a little bit older, and he had cut his hair and shaved, he was still the man who you once knew. He was a little wiser now, though. A little more responsible than he was when you were with him before. 

As nice as it was, you grew worried after about thirty minutes. Assuredly, it was getting late and he needed to get up. Having lost your phone during the storm, you also had business that you were going to take care of during business hours. Mainly, though, you knew that Javi was messaging people about work late into the night, and as much as you wanted to watch him and let him rest, you also didn’t want him to get into any sort of trouble. Glancing toward the nightstand again, you finally found a small digital clock - it was partially concealed by a cup, but with a quick movement you finally took note of the time. It was a little bit after eleven in the morning, and you were certain that Javi should have been up by now.

After a momentary internal debate, you finally decided that you needed to do the responsible thing and wake him up. 

“Javi, I think you overslept.” Your voice was quiet, not wanting to disturb him too much as he blinked awake. You knew that he was never the biggest morning person in the world, so being too harsh with him was just going to make him pout.

“What time is it?”

“A little after eleven.” 

His eyes widened for a second, glancing at the clock. He grabbed his phone to make sure, and from the amount of scrolling he was doing it was clear that he missed a lot. You moved to get off of him, expecting him to drop the phone and run to get dressed as quickly as possible. Instead, he sent a single (long) message and set the phone back down as he turned back to look at you.

“Aren’t you going to get up?”

“The only storm today is pretty small, Scott can handle things for one day.” Scott seemed to have an easier time handling things than Javi did to begin with, though you were certain it was because he had a lot less of a heart than Javi did. “We weren’t planning on chasing today, so unless the predictions get upgraded…”

“What happened to mister responsibility?”

“I’m doing the responsible thing.” 

“By calling out of work?”

“By spending the day with you, I have more responsibilities than just my job.” Even though he wasn’t in a rush to get to work, he did still sit up. You sat up with him, your heart beating a bit faster than it was before. Javi was being somewhat presumptuous, but you had slept in the same bed as him for two nights in a row. If you had no interest in spending time with him, he would know that. But, that wasn’t the case. “Wanna get lunch?”

So, you got lunch with him. You spent probably too much time at the restaurant with him, and for the first time, you didn’t really think about the past. Really, you didn’t need to. You and Javi had both changed, but in a lot of ways, you were still the same. Some tiny, miniscule part of your mind was still upset with him, but you knew you had no reason to be anymore. He had done everything he could do to apologize, and was now choosing to spend time with you instead of running off to do work. 

After lunch, he took you to get a new phone. Of course, that took a lot longer than either of you wanted it to take. It wouldn’t be until late afternoon that you were finally able to feel fresh air on your skin again, but, you at the very least came out of that waking nightmare being able to respond to the voicemail that Kate had left you inquiring if you needed a place to stay or if you were going back to New York. When she heard you had stayed with Javi, she was a bit conflicted based upon her tones, but she wanted to figure that you knew what you were doing even if she wholly disagreed with it. 

Finally, Javi decided to take you to a park - a park that it didn’t take you very long to recognize was familiar to you. The weather was looking better after the early afternoon, low-damage tornado. 

“The week’s half over, isn’t it?” He asked, drawing your attention away from the playground in the distance. You had come here with him and the rest of your friends before, you knew he lived close to it but you weren’t sure if he went here often. Granted, you also did a lot of work here. There weren’t too many wifi coffee shops in the area at the time, so you often just volunteered one of your hotspots and did your course work in the park. Things were typically moved inside once you got your hands on the van. 

“According to my calculations, yes.” 

“You excited to go back?” Javi did his best to keep his voice level, to not give you too much of an indication of how he was actually feeling about the idea of you going back without actually putting any pressure on you to answer in any particular way. Just because you were okay with spending time with him now didn’t mean you would stay just because of him. The thing was, if he asked you to, you would - you might not quite realize it without it happening, but you would.

“Not particularly excited, no.” You admitted, sitting down with him on a park bench. “It’s been nice not having to be on people’s television every morning.”

“Right, forgot you were doing that. What’s it like being a celebrity?”

“Wouldn’t say local access news makes me a celebrity.” You retorted, especially since you were only on for half of the week unless there was a big storm coming. Most of the time, you were in the office. “I think you’d be a good weatherboy, so long as you don’t get on camera with Cheeto dust on your face.”

“I’ve actually cut back on those!” 

“You know, there was a shocking lack of red powder on your blankets I must admit.” 

“I was never that gross, was I?”

“I guess not, when you remembered to shower.” 

To be clear, he never went a whole week without showering, but three days - four days? He typically just forgot because he was too invested in what he was working on, so you took it upon yourself to remind him that he needed a work-life balance. The mere fact that he had even come out here with you, done things with you today, when he could have been working said a lot about his willingness to actually start having a work-life balance. But, Javi had changed a lot in general. His hair was shorter, he was more responsible, he had a lot more equipment, and he had seemed to be at some level of peace with what happened. Obviously, there’s no forgetting it or ever being the same, but he wasn’t depressed about it anymore. 

“So, um, you’re okay with me staying the full week right?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well-”

“Just keep in mind that we can’t oversleep tomorrow.” 

“I think you’re the one who overslept.” You responded, but you did too. You slept until pretty close to eleven in the morning, that was a lot later than you typically had to get up for work. Being in his arms was calming, it was the best sleep you had gotten in a long time. But you weren’t sure how to admit that, or if you even should. “Javi, I- uh…” 

“What’s wrong? Do you want me to sleep on the couch?”

“What? No. I kinda… I don’t- maybe I want to stay a little longer.”

“Oh.” There was a twitch of a smile on his face, but he subdued it by clearing his throat. “You can stay as long as you want.”

“It won’t bother you? I don’t know how used to the one-person apartment life you’ve gotten.” 

“I promise, it won’t bother me.” 

You nodded, glancing down at your hands before taking a breath - why not air out more of your conscience? It seemed like as good a place as any to do so. 

“Last night, I was really scared about- just about what happened, I guess, since I wasn’t prepared.” You hardly ever talked to him about your trauma from the past, because you didn’t need to. You had no reason to explain it to him because he had it too, even though he had been a bit safer than you had been. “But I was worried I wouldn’t see you again, mainly. I don’t want to not see you again.” 

The feeling of a hand on your shoulder forced you to look up at him, your eyes locking on his. He always was so beautiful to you, but the caring look in his eyes really just made you want to look into them forever. 

“I can’t handle the idea of not having you in my life again.” His words made your breath hitch, your eyes not parting from his for a moment. You were both silent, unclear where to go from there. 

Ultimately, it was you who broke through the invisible fence that separated the two of you. You who gingerly placed your hand on his cheek and leaned in, but it was him who closed the deal with a sense of relief and urgency that knocked the air out of your lungs. 

Javi’s hand found the back of your neck, his other hand resting on your hip to urge you closer so the kiss was more comfortable. You kept your hand on his cheek, your thumb moving over those freckles of his that you had missed touching and seeing more than anything. Your other hand rested on his forearm, holding him as closely as possible. 

It wasn’t until he deepened the kiss that you pulled back enough to speak, enough to take a breath. Your forehead rested against his, even though you were suddenly aware of your public surroundings. 

“You should take me home.”

“I should take you home.” 

The ride back to his place was an absolute nightmare. Whether it be your distress from the feeling of his hand against your thigh, or his distress from the way that you wouldn’t stop staring at him and playing with his fingers every time he touched you. At some point, he tried to ban you from looking at his arms because it was ‘stressing him the fuck out’, but you eventually made it in the door. 

It’s important to note that you only made it in the door, because you didn’t make it much further before he pushed you against the wall.

Javi had his lips against your neck fairly quickly, his hand sneaking down your body at a tortuous pace. You kept a hand tangled in his hair, your eyes never leaving him. 

“Did I tell you that I like your haircut?”

“Not yet.”

“Well, I really like your haircut.”

“I like yours too, but I like everything about you.” 

Grabbing his face, you rested your hands on his cheeks, his movements stilling as your thumbs brushed against his soft skin.

“I want the first time we do this again to be in your bed.” 

Javi’s eyes softened before he leaned in to press a chate kiss against your mouth before taking your hand to lead you into the bedroom. 

He took his time removing the clothing from your body, which was a lot more than you could say for yourself as you frantically tore item after item off of him before both of you were finally left in your underwear. He seemed amused as he kicked off the pants he was wearing, amused at the way you eyed him, at how eagerly your hands ran across his body. 

“You really missed me, huh?”

“I should hope you really missed me too.” 

“I did, more than you know. 

You let Javi push you back against the bed, your eyes locked on his as a slight smile covered your lips.

“Are you gonna show me?”

“Trust me, I’m gonna show you.” He motioned you to the top of the bed, following you and caging you in beneath him. “Sure you’re ready?”

“Don’t get cocky.” You replied, but you couldn’t help the wide smile that covered your face when you saw him smiling for just a moment. His smile had always been infectious to you, it was the thing that gave away to Kate that you were in love with him to begin with considering how you looked at him whenever he smiled. But that smile also always distracted you, which was how you just didn’t notice the feeling of his hand trailing down your body until he had a finger beneath the fabric of your panties, swirling around your seemingly already wet clit. “Fuck-”

“Just making sure you’re ready.”

Javi was always generous in bed, the only times he wasn’t was when you were both pressed for time but in desperate need of being together so you didn’t spend an entire day hot and bothered for no good reason. You had merely forgotten just how eager he was to please, though, he was often eager to be pleased as well which you were grateful for since you absolutely loved to hear him let loose. 

As much as you wanted to kiss him, it was a bit too intimate for a brief moment as his fingers dripped inside of you, the heel of his hand brushing up against your clit with each movement. To lock eyes with him, to be this vulnerable in front of him for the first time in five years, was a lot. It was overwhelming, but the intimacy was needed. You were certain that you could see the pent up emotions, the love, behind his eyes - and he was certain that he could see it behind yours, too. 

After a moment, you stopped staring at him so you could feel his mouth against yours. While He enjoyed the sounds coming from your mouth, he enjoyed feeling them against his lips even more. Everything felt both new and familiar, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that you never wanted to be apart from him again. 

Maybe it was just because you were so pent up, or maybe it was because he had put his best effort into the way in which his fingers moved inside of you, but you could feel yourself getting lost in the feeling a bit too much. When your kisses became weaker, Javi’s lips trailed down your jaw, settling on your upper neck where his teeth lightly grazed your skin. 

His fingers curled inside of you, your hips arching off of the bed for a moment before he used his free hand to keep you from gyrating too much. You tried to keep your eyes locked on him. On his face, his hair, everything about him. But it was just too overwhelming. 

The smell of him surrounding you, the feeling of his mouth against you, of his fingers inside of you - it was all so much at once, and if it weren’t Javi, you would have been embarrassed about how quickly you came on his fingers. 

Javi gave you a moment to calm down before bringing his face to be level with yours again, his hand slowly pulling out from your panties before playing with the hem of the fabric. 

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more sure of anything.” 

With that confirmation, Javi quickly pulled the last remaining article of clothing from your body while you removed the boxers that separated you from him. there was a feeling of relief, of familiarity, that came along with being able to be this close to Javi again. You missed him more than anything when you were apart from him, so feeling him push inside of you once again made you question if you were even okay with being apart from him when you both needed to do something as simple as work. 

Once he had pushed all the way inside of you, he gave you a moment to adjust. Bringing a hand to grab onto his hand, he turned it so you could intertwine your fingers with his. 

“Before we do this, I need to tell you that I love you.”

His breath hitched for a moment, his eyes widening before a smile covered his lips. “I love you too, so, so much.”

You were almost taken aback by how swiftly he leaned down to kiss you, your fingers tangling in his hair as you kissed him back. It was incredibly eager, but it made you laugh, too. You felt like whatever part of you that had been feeling incomplete was complete again, complete because you were with Javi again, because he had made an effort to make things better, and because after all that time apart you were still just as in love with each other as you had been before anything had ever gone wrong. 

Once he started moving inside of you, you knew that you were a goner. Your fingers squeezed his hand, your leg wrapping around his hips to pull him closer. The sounds inside of the room were obscene, the mumbled words of affection and the moans coming tumbling against each other’s lips - you were just glad that he didn’t have roommates. 

Javi didn’t really hold back, but you didn’t expect him to. You had both been apart, you needed this just as much as he did. You needed to feel his hips grinding against yours, to feel him moving in and out of you in a pace that was both needy and caring. No matter what, it was always clear to you how much he cared about making you feel good. Never did he do anything too rough, and if he got a little rough he would always catch himself and make sure that you were okay. But this was something wholly different, because it was almost like it was muscle memory for him, like he knew exactly what to do to make sure that you both felt as good as possible. 

Your body arched into his naturally, and Javi seemed to get the memo that you simply wanted him as close as possible as he let his hips push you down a bit. The feeling of his warm skin against yours had your fingers tightening around his hand, you weren’t sure how you could get any closer than this but you were sure that you would do it if there was something more that you could do. 

Bringing a hand down your body, you felt Javi press his fingers against your clit. You could feel his smile as you accidentally bit down on his lip, a moan leaving his mouth as he felt you soothing the bite with your tongue. 

His hips became more erratic, your moans melding together against each others lips as you became too distracted to be wholly invested in a kiss. It was incredibly intimate having him this close again, knowing that he wants to be this close to you after everything that has happened between the two of you. 

As you squeeze him throughout your own orgasm, it takes everything for him to not finish right then and there. But he holds off until you’ve ridden out your orgasm, pulling out to finish on your inner thigh 

It takes a few moments of sloppy kisses before you both get up, taking a shower together before ultimately crawling into bed. You’re surrounded as him as you do. By his smell, by his skin as he holds you tightly against his body, by the feeling of his clothing being on your body as you cuddle into him in the bed.

“I want you to stay, I don’t ever want you to go back to Manhattan.”

Glancing at him, your head lifting from his chest, you see the nervous expression on his lips upon confessing that to you and merely smile reassuringly. “I want to stay, Javi. I never want to leave you again.”

He lets out a breath, leaning in for a soft kiss. Your fingers brush through his wet hair, before resting on his cheek. Pulling away, you can’t help the giddy smile that covers your lips as you look at him. You may have gone through a lot of issues together, and apart, but it was clear that you both understood that you were better together.

Some part of you was always sure that he was going to end up in front of you again, that your life was never meant to be one without Javi, and you just couldn’t help but be beyond happy and relieved to know that part of you was right. Javi, you were sure, was always meant to come back to you - and you were always meant to be with him. Now all you really needed to worry about was making up for lost time and settling into your new (or… old… familiar) way of life.

[vrmxlho]

hii kira !! do u have any hcs for sae abt how he would be as a bf?

SAE ITOSHI 糸師冴

if sae were a love trope he would 100% be belated love epiphany

"i never realised how much i loved them until they were gone." type beat yk

like pride and prejudice, except he's elizabeth and you're darcy ??

where you confess first and he rejects you but once you're not near him he realises that he really did love you

or when he saw how loaded you were, you be the judge (kidding)

y'all already know i think he's a good cook. like he was in spain for ages you bet he picked a few things up. cuz idk about spanish men but ik most italian men know how to cook and well.

he pours all his love into everything he makes, probably his love language honestly.

but he'd never let you know he's cooking for you because he cares

"you look like a ghost have you been eating properly?" "oh, no. unfortunately, i haven't found much time to cook lately..." "how bothersome. am i gonna have to take you all the way to the hospital when you faint from anemia?" "but i'm not even anemic..." "you will be if you don't eat your spinach." "..." "you know what. since you're so incapable i'll just cook for you." "excuse me??"

forgive him, he's just a bit of a cunt, but he loves you i promise

(also if you didn't know fun fact: preparing a homemade meal for someone is akin to confessing your feelings to them)

he's not much for PDA in fact in public he has his same, stupid, emotionless, deadpan face that is so punchable (affectionately?)

but when you're at home he'll find any excuse to lean his whole bodyweight on you

he also loves leaning in to kiss you and then reaching behind you to grab something or whatever, just to leave you flushed and stressed the fuck out

annoying asshole

he also gets very touchy when tired, if you're sleeping next to each other he tends to end up hugging you close to his heart by the time you wake up

he may not seem it but he would genuinely do anything for you

he tends to ignore most messages/texts/emails unless they're super important but he'd reply to you the second you text him

or even if it's a silly tweet

@you: there are 2 many ppl at this café 😞 @officialsaeitoshi: send me your location i got you your usual @you: ayo, how did you have it prepared n everything 😭 @officialsaeitoshi: spidey senses

he also has the most deadpan, sarcastic humour known to man

he's horrible (just my type)

nothing that comes out of his mouth is to be trusted

beware!!!

he is the no.1 gossiper alive, he knows everything about everyone's business even if he looks like the type of person who'd never think of anyone other than himself

somehow he's both at the same time

he could go hours talking about this random guy in his club who's actually the secret son of a drug lord and who ran away from home to save himself from imminent death...

what???? how does he know this?

i'm pretty sure he doesn't know either, anyway

he loves his lil self care night routines

you both sitting on the sofa talking about life (actually it's just him talking and you listening but whatever)

sae itoshi was an evening person. not because he felt most productive then. and not because he enjoyed the peace and quiet of the city. but because he enjoyed his night routines with you right next to him every second. you'd sit on the sink sill as he gently passed a finger with clay on it over your face as you kept talking about your day. "and then when i went to get coffee there were just so many people at the café it was such a hassle. this guy–" "shush. do you want clay in your mouth?" he kept swiping the remaining clay mask on your now stationary chin. once done he lifted you and walked to the sofa. this was no new routine. this was the only way he was able to unwind. with you next to him, just talking about the little, almost meaningless things. "i read somewhere that your coach is having an affair is that true?" you didn't know why you kept instigating him. it was late and you knew if he began talking now he'd only finish once the sun rose or your wake up alarm rang. but seeing him so animated was a rarity so you had to take advantage anytime you could.

now for how he confessed

at first when you confessed he rejected you and didn't think much of it at all

until he started noticing the little things about you, he started obsessing with every bit of you

how you looked, how you dress, how you style your hair

but also how your under eyes crease when you smile

how you're very picky with your food, especially dessert, but you'd eat anything if someone handmade it for you

how you're so patient when you tutor even if the person is being a dumbfuck

after obsessing over everything you did for about a day or two he was sick of the weird, nauseating feeling in his stomach

it had been about three days since the confession. being rejected right on the spot, especially in that cold manner was painful to say the least. but you were sure you had gotten over it. and you hoped with all your heart that he too had forgotten. he had just stood there as you finished telling him how he made you feel and how you had liked him for a while now. he had a horrible scowl on his face, arms crossed and an uninterested posture. you already knew what the answer was when you were done but it hurt so much more when he finally confirmed it all. so it was surprising when you saw sae march up to you as you ate your lunch with your friends. he had the same horrible scowl on his face from before. and you could feel your stomach drop as he pulled your wrist in a gruff manner. careless. he didn't care for you. "itoshi what are you–" he finally stopped once you were in a quiet corner behind the main building, away from curious eyes. "we need to talk." "about what?" "i couldn't sleep." "ok..?" "i couldn't stop thinking about you." "oh. i'm sorry if my confession made you uncomfortable. i didn't mean for it to bother you so much." "yes. it's so bothersome. now every time i see you with anyone but me, it hurts. i can't stand hearing about anyone but me, from you. i don't want you to think of anyone but me."

and then you were just like 😧🫣😏🤩

if you think rin's dramatic just WAIT until you talk to sae he's insane

THE BIGGEST drama queen (i hate him)

although i do think he is secure about himself and knows you wouldn't ever hurt him

i feel like he does have abandonment issues (a bit)

like imagine going through your teen years without family in a foreign country, you'd feel isolated no matter how many friends you made or how nice your host family was

he tries not giving any external reaction so you barely notice at first but every time he sees you with someone, looking a bit too friendly, he always feels his heart tighten

he's very gentle when kissing you

it's not like he's super strong or anything (mans is tiny)

and it's not that he's scared to hurt you, he just doesn't wanna appear too possessive or anything

favourite places to kiss you: why do i wanna say your waist, also knuckles

no idea why i just feel like if he weren't allowed to kiss your lips for any reason he would kiss there

but he definitely needed you to initiate the physical contact when you first started dating

speaking of which

dates with sae

100% movie nights, or just staying at home in general

mans hates going out if it's unnecessary

although, if you want anything he'd do it for you in an instant

or when he's feeling extra energetic

he'll take you dancing; this can either be ballroom dancing (which makes you cringe a bit but it's fun), salsa or literally just clubbing

i think he secretly loves clubbing at techno clubs (is that what they're called?) he hates commercial music cuz it just gets so repetitive

ideal vacation destination: somewhere isolated

like a random island in greece

or some forest in south america

idk man

he absolutely hates tourist destinations, tourists are his no.1 worst enemy

that's why you always end up going on holiday at random times of the year

"hey love, take a few days off next week. we're going to bora–bora." "it's the middle of march..." "not in bora–bora." "that's not how it works..." "i've already bought the tickets and spoken to your boss so you really just have to start packing."

now about pet names

he generally doesn't like them and thinks they're cringe and annoying

which they can be if used excessively ig

he tends to call you by a nickname or just your name

he only uses pet names when he wants something or has something to tell you that he knows you'll be angry/annoyed about

like the fact he planned a whole trip to bora–bora in middle of march and didn't tell you a thing 😞

however, if you're open about how much you hate him doing things without involving you he will change his ways

he's a quick learner after all ❤️‍🔥

[alwaysonthemend]

Read Part I Here

Author's Note: The long awaited Part 2! Thanks to all those who sent asks about it - ya'll helped keep me motivated🤍 This turned out a lil' angstier than I had initially intended but it all works out in the end 😌

All I have left to add is justice for Jake's curly hair and for Waited All Your Life (it'll make sense once you read it)

Content Warnings: Jake x Fem!reader / Jake x Fem!OC (Lindsey) / Mature content / 18+ Only / angst / adult themes / unrequited love / feelings of inadequacy / miscommunication / break ups / graphic descriptions of sex / oral sex / fingering / I'm going to go ahead and tag this with emotional cheating as well because Jake is definitely emotionally cheating on Lindsey (emotional cheating is still cheating so it gets a warning)

Word Count: 9k (I don't wanna talk abt it)

My Taglist

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

March, 2023 – Nashville International Airport – Y/n’s POV 

The coffee you had downed earlier that morning does nothing to stop the way your eyelids fight to stay closed every time you blink. The airport isn’t too busy yet – a small victory, thanks to the early hour. You walk slowly, eyes focused up at the signs as you wheel your carry-on behind you. 

There! You think to yourself, finally catching sight of C3. Exhaustedly, you dump your things on the floor next to a row of seats and you collapse heavily into one. You glance around again, then look over your shoulder. So far, it seems you’re the first to arrive. 

Anxiety thrums through you, making your palms feel cold and clammy and the back of your neck feeling hot. You’re struck with the sudden desire to just turn tail and run for the hills. But unfortunately you can’t. Just like you couldn’t quit your job at your agency with such short notice. You’d told him you were done – that you were leaving and you’d fully intended to do so. But your boss hadn’t exactly been understanding when you told her you wanted to be transferred somewhere else. You can still hear her shocked voice through the phone, completely shattering any hopes you’d had of being able to escape this shit show with at least a little bit of dignity left. 

So here you sit, waiting. 

And of course, since the universe is intent on making your life as miserable as possible, he is the next person to arrive. 

“Y/n.” Jake’s voice is the same as ever – but this time still just a little bit rough since it’s so early. “I… I thought you said-”

“My notice has been put in.” You interrupt him, wringing your hands together where they sit in your lap. “They just couldn’t find someone to fill in for me at such short notice.”

Jake’s eyes widen just a little at the sharpness of your tone. You wince internally but keep your face deliberately neutral. It’s not his fault, you remind yourself. How could he have known that I love him?

“Oh.” He answers, shuffling his feet a little and glancing down at the ground. 

It’s silent for long enough that you almost start talking about the weather or the traffic but you refrain. You’re both going to have to get over this eventually if you’re going to be expected to work together for this last leg of the tour.

“May I sit?” He asks at last, gesturing to one of the seats next to yours after standing there awkwardly with his suitcase in one hand and his backpack slung over his shoulder in a way that can’t be comfortable. 

“Sure.” 

Jake sits and you bite your tongue. There’s so much you want to say – so much that you wish you had said, but the middle of an airport terminal at 6 in the morning isn’t exactly the place for it. 

The silence is worse than the talking but you don’t want to be the one to break it. Just a few months and then I can forget he ever existed, you think – deliberately ignoring the fact that you know you could never forget what it feels like to be in love with Jake Kiskza. Even when he doesn’t love you back. 

“How was the ride here?” He asks haltingly, lips instantly turning down in a wince at the stupid question. But at least it’s not silent anymore. 

“Boring. Not much traffic, thankfully.” So much for not talking about the traffic. 

Jake nods once, chewing on his bottom lip for a moment before answering. 

“Same. Perks of an early flight. Beat the rush.” 

You’re pretty sure this is the most excruciating thing you’ve ever had to experience and you can’t help but look around in a desperate hope that someone else has arrived to end this torture. No such luck. 

“Right.” You answer him, pulling your phone out to check the time. It’s an hour to boarding and surely one of the others will be here soon. 

Of course I’m the only tech who also lives in Nashville, you think bitterly, wishing that anyone other than a Kiszka or Wagner were here in order to rescue you. Jake looks just as uncomfortable as you do. He keeps shifting in his seat and fixing his hair when it doesn’t need to be fixed. 

After a long moment of tense, uncomfortable silence, Jake opens his mouth – clearly about to say something that you don’t really want to hear, when a loud “Good morning, fellow travelers!” interrupts him. 

Sam’s voice makes you jump and Jake’s mouth snaps shut. You whip around to see Sam – looking far too energetic for this early in the morning. 

“Morning, Samuel.” Jake grumbles, looking not at all happy at his untimely interruption but you couldn’t be more grateful. 

Sam, always good at being entirely unaware, plops himself down in the seat on the other side of you and leans on his knees to look past you and over at Jake. 

“Glad to see you’re still a grumpy bastard in the morning.” Sam then looks at you. “And Y/n, it's always nice to see your bright, shining face this early.”

You don’t feel particularly bright or shiny but you smile at Sam despite the anxiety coursing through your veins. 

“Morning, Sam. Glad to have the life of the party present at last.” 

It doesn’t take long for Daniel to arrive next, a little less cheery and energetic as Sam but still in a great mood. You know they’re happy to be going back on the road. You would be too if… if things hadn’t happened the way they did. 

// 

The terminal fills and fills until finally passengers are allowed to board. You rise, grabbing your suitcase and you toss your empty coffee cup into the trash. Jake rises too, immediately grabbing his things and following you. 

“Y.n…” He starts, fumbling in his pocket to pull out his boarding pass. “Can- can I sit next to you? I’m sure Josh wouldn’t mind if he and I switched.”

You pause. You really don’t know if this is the place for whatever conversation Jake is going to force you to have. You would much rather sit next to Josh, just as had been originally planned, but you can’t help the way Jake’s sincere, chocolate eyes make you melt. 

“I mean, if you want to I guess you-”

Once again, the two of you are interrupted by a loud voice, this time coming from Josh as he practically sprints across the terminal. 

“Made it!” He exclaims, making Sam roll his eyes and Daniel laugh a little. 

“Always the dramatic entrance, Josh.” Danny mutters before walking up and scanning his boarding pass. 

“Josh.” Jake nods at his twin, looking as if he’d like to throttle the man. 

“Jake.” He answers and then smiles at you. “Y/n! Good morning!”

“Morning, Josh.” He instantly puts your nerves to rest a little, making that knot of anxiety loosen just enough for you to feel a little less miserable. 

“No Lindsey?” 

Your heart swoops down into your stomach as Jake widens his eyes a little at Josh’s question. 

“Um.” He starts, swallowing thickly and darting his eyes towards you. “She’s uh.. She’s gonna meet us in Raleigh. I think she’s going to tag along until El Paso… Just depends on how much time she can get off from work.” 

“Ah.” Josh shoves his phone into his pocket. “Gotcha. Well,” he glances at the dwindling line of people as they board the plane and then looks to you, “you ready, seat buddy?”

You glance at Jake and try to ignore the wounded look in his eyes. The stark reminder that not only does Jake not have feelings for you but that he’s also in a committed relationship to someone else… well. It’s enough to remind you why you asked Josh to get the seat next to yours in the first place. 

“Of course!” You loop your free arm with Josh’s and give him and Jake the most convincing smile that you can muster. “Let's get this show on the road.” 

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･

March 12, 2023 - Greenville, SC

It had been entirely too easy for you to pretend as if Jake doesn’t exist – as if the two of you hadn’t been such good friends just months before. He’d taken the hint early on that you didn’t want to discuss whatever it was that he felt the two of you needed to discuss. You were mortified as it is that Lindsey knew the truth – and horrified by the knowledge that Jake knows how much you’d misread the situation with him. He’d been looking for a hookup and you were the unfortunate one who’d managed to catch feelings throughout it all. But so far, Jake has respected your wishes to keep your distance. 

He’s never rude, treating you the same way he would treat any of the other tech people who he maybe didn’t know quite as well. And while the distance stings, you know it’s for the best. If the others had noticed the sudden change in your relationship, thankfully none of them had said anything to you – and hopefully not to Jake either. It really was as if none of it had ever happened and you definitely weren’t counting down the days until Lindsey’s supposed arrival.

You’d just spent the last 30 minutes doing Sam’s makeup – time which he’d spent cracking jokes and talking 90 to nothing the entire time. You’d  just nodded along, smiling and adding commentary when you felt it was necessary. But really, you just enjoyed listening to him talk. He made you laugh – just like all the boys do, and talking with Sam had been a welcome distraction and way to fill your time since Josh’s partner had arrived… time that you once would have spent with Jake. 

You bustle about in the makeup room, tidying things up and putting them in their places. You tuck each of the boys’ foundations in their designated bags, along with whatever eyeshadow palettes or rhinestones they prefer. Your brushes have been washed and now lay out to dry on a towel on the counter top. There’s nothing much left to do except pack away Josh’s ridiculous amount of hairstyling products and then you’ll be free to spend the rest of your time however you please. 

The door opens but you don’t look up from your task of shoving hairspray bottles into your bag, fully expecting it to only be Josh or Danny coming back in for a last minute touch up. It’s only about an hour before they go on. 

“Hey.” 

You startle, whipping around at the sound of his voice. Jake stands in the doorway, waiting just on the threshold as if not daring to enter fully until you invite him to do so. 

“Hi.” Your voice comes out surprisingly steady despite the way your heart is racing. This is the first time that you’ve been alone with him. “Something I can do for you?”

Jake nods, taking a single, hesitant step into the room and then stopping again. 

“Just something small.” His eyes find yours in the mirror as you turn your back to him, trying to get your bearings a little bit. “Wanted to change my look up a little.”

You turn back around to face him and beckon him over to sit in your chair. Jake never does makeup – even before all this. Jake takes a seat and looks up at you, not saying a word.

“I’m guessing you don’t want rhinestones.” You say with a smile and Jake’s shoulders relax just a little.  

“No. No rhinestones.” He affirms, clasping his hands in his lap. His words are soft yet deafening in the quiet of the room. Your heart races so fast you swear he must be able to hear it. “Maybe just some eyeliner? I’ve done it myself a few times but… I’m not as good at it as you are.” 

You tilt your head and smile down at him. 

“I should hope that I’m at least kinda good at it.” You grab an eyeliner pencil from Danny’s bag. “It is my job after all.”

Jake huffs a laugh but the sound quickly dies out as soon as you lower yourself to get closer to him. You haven’t seen him this close since… since that night in the bathroom. His eyes are like pools of hot cocoa as he watches you intently. Dark lashes, delicate, pink lips. His skin is smooth except for a light dusting of hair on his upper lip – only noticeable this close. 

“Can you..?” You look down at his crossed legs and then back up at him. 

“Oh. Yeah.” He spreads his legs so that you can step closer. “Sorry.”

You step between his thighs and lower yourself down. Keeping his head steady by holding his jaw with your free hand, you gently swipe the black eyeliner over his lash line. You tilt his head up and choose to ignore the way his eyes stay trained on you the whole time. 

“Look up for me?” You ask softly and he obeys. You gently tug his eyelid down and swipe the black over his waterline as well before moving to do the same on the other side. You use the little brush on the other end of the pencil to blend the color out a little.

“Finished?” He asks as you step away, his eyes blinking rapidly for a moment as his eyes water a little. 

You look at him for just a moment, trying to treat him just like any other client and not like the guy you’re hopelessly in love with who’s dating someone else.  

“Almost.” You turn around and begin digging through Danny’s bag again, making a mental note that maybe you need to make one for Jake in case he decides that he likes the way he looks with this. You grab a tube of mascara and step back towards him. “Just a little bit of mascara.”

You swipe the mascara over his long lashes, making sure that they don’t clump and then you step back and admire the look. His eyes – deep set and thoughtful, look incredible in the eyeliner. It makes his features stand out just a little bit more and you know it will look great under the stage lights later tonight. 

“Now I’m finished.” 

Jake stands and takes a step towards the mirrors on the vanity. He tilts his head to the side as he admires himself in the reflection. 

“I like it.” He says after a long moment, turning back to look at you. “Much better than when I do it.” He smiles a little. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

That tension that was present in the airport a few days ago is suddenly back with full force and you wish that the floor would open up and swallow you whole. Jake clearly feels it too and he reaches a hand up and runs his fingers through his hair. He drops his hand, the once brushed through strands now a little messy. 

“Here, wait.” You don’t know why you do it – it’s like your body just gravitates towards his without you even thinking about it, but you take a step towards him. Placing a hand on his chest, you push him back towards the chair until he sits back down. “Let me fix your hair a little.”

Jake watches in silence as you grab a comb and some styling mousse. You brush through his hair, admiring how some of it reflects auburn in the light. You set it back to its natural part with the comb and then spread some of the mousse on your palms. You rake your hands through his hair, depositing the product and then twirling the ends around your fingers a little, helping the natural waves to form better. They go easily – as if rebelling against the way he must have straightened it earlier. 

“You’ve got wavy hair.” The words slip out without you meaning them to and even you can hear the slight awe in your voice – as if him having wavy hair is some novel, incredible thing. Heat rushes to your cheeks but Jake doesn't acknowledge it. 

“I think it could be curly if I really wanted it to be.” He answers softly. “Not like Josh’s but… it’s really wavy when I let it air dry on its own.” 

“I-I like it.” You answer him, voice equally quiet. “It suits you.”

“Thank you.” 

You realize suddenly just how close you’ve gotten to him. You straighten and step back and Jake pulls back as well – he’d been leaning in close to you. 

“Guess you should probably head out there.” 

Jake nods and rises, hearing the dismissal in your tone and the shift in your body language. 

“Right. Yeah. I uh. I should go.” Jake slides his palms over his thighs, eyes darting towards the door and then back to you. He hesitates, as if about to say something but then thinking better of it. “Thanks again.”

“You're welcome.”

You watch him go, chest aching. There’s a feeling in the pit of your stomach – the feeling that you’ve just made a mistake. You don’t know if it was allowing yourself to relax around him again or letting him walk away. 

You shake your head and continue tidying up. 

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･

March 20, 2023 - El Paso, TX

Lindsey’s arrival in Raleigh hadn’t been as humiliating as you’d been expecting it to be. In fact, since she spends all her time with Jake – who you’d already been basically avoiding at all costs, you hardly see her at all. 

She’d only acknowledged your presence once that first day when she arrived. Just a nod and a terse smile, completely lacking the warmth and kindness from that first time you met and talked. You can’t blame her. She’d listened to you cry and hugged and comforted you – you, a virtual stranger, only to later find out that you’d been talking about her own boyfriend… it’s not exactly the best first impression you’ve ever made.

The El Paso show had gone on without a hitch – just as they usually do, and the boys had invited you and the rest of the tech and crew out for a meal, all expenses paid for. Ristorante Casanova was the place of choice; a little fancy for your tastes but the reviews had been great when you looked it up.

It had been Danny that had planned this – he’d reserved a section of the restaurant that was large enough for everyone to attend. He, Sam, and Josh (surprisingly on time) had been the ones to greet you. There were several other members of the crew already there as well and so you’d sat down at a table in the far corner where their stage manager – who you know pretty well, and some of the body guards had claimed. 

Carter is the first to greet you - a sweet, older man who's in charge of security. He smiles widely at you as you take a seat next to him.

“Sunflower! Glad you joined us.” 

Carter instantly brings you into the conversation, not allowing you to feel left out for one second. Everyone at your table is kind and fun to be around and they’re a welcome distraction. You hardly even notice when Jake and Lindsey arrive together arm and arm (and you don’t even notice the way Jake’s eyes keep straying to you from his table every chance he gets). Food and drink flows and conversation flows even better and everyone seems to be in good spirits. After you’ve eaten enough to feel like you need a nap, Josh stands and hits his spoon against his glass to get everyone’s attention. 

“Hear ye, hear ye!” He says theatrically, eyes sparkling and cheeks rosy from alcohol as he looks around the room at everyone. His eyes linger on you and he winks, making you roll your eyes playfully. “I just wanted to give you all a thank you for making this shit show go so smoothly. At least, as smooth as it possibly could be with all the craziness.”

There are a few murmurs of agreement and light laughter from everyone at that. 

“There have been far too many cancellations and reschedules,” Josh continues, his tongue clearly loosened even more than usual thanks to the wine that he’d been drinking, “and I just want you all to know how much we,” he gestures towards himself, Sam, Daniel, and Jake, “appreciate all the work that you guys have done! This Dreams and Gold circus wouldn’t be possible without each and every one of you.” 

All of the crew smiles at that and you can’t help the warmth that swells in your chest for this band. Despite everything that’s happened, this has been one of the most wonderful experiences of your life. Not only is the crew full of incredible people, but the band is, too – most rock stars of their stature would never take the time or money to take their crew out for a dinner like this, let alone with a speech of gratitude on top of it all. 

“So please, keep enjoying the food and the alcohol and be merry! You’ve all earned it.”

Josh finishes his speech and sits down, and everyone claps and whoops. One of the tech guys calls out a ‘We love you guys!’ to which everyone else shouts their agreement. The boys, all looking bashful but happy, call their love back out to them. Chatter starts up again, and you take the opportunity to slip away to the ladies' room. 

// 

After relieving yourself and washing your hands, you step back out into the little hallway outside the bathroom, smoothing your palms over your dress a little bit. You feel good. You’ve laughed more tonight than you have in days and everyone else is in a good mood, too. 

You stop in your tracks when you look up to see Jake blocking you from the rest of the hallway. 

“Jake.” You begin, thankful that for once, anxiety doesn’t shoot through you at the mere sight of him. You’re in far too good of a mood for that to happen now. “You okay?” 

He’s got an odd look on his face as he stands there blocking your path but still your good mood lingers, 

“I uh,” he clears his throat, “I don’t really know. I think I’m drunk.”

“Ah.” You walk a few paces forwards so that you can see him better in the dim light of the hallway. His cheeks are indeed flushed like they get when he’s had a little too much. “The men’s is right there.” You jerk your head towards the door for the men’s restroom and then start to push past him but he stops you, a hand darting out to grip your bicep. He doesn’t grab hard – light enough that you could easily pull away if you wanted to. 

But you stay. Of course you stay. 

“Wait.” His words are a little slurred and you wince a little. He’s clearly in a heightened emotional state right now and your mind races with ways to diffuse the situation. 

“I think I made a mistake.” He continues on. “With you. We- we were good friends?” He phrases it as if it’s a question but you know the answer already and you know he does too. You two were great friends.

“We don’t have to go through this again.” You answer him, anger beginning to rise. Of course you couldn’t have just one night where you felt normal. And fuck him for making you feel like this. “You’ve already told me that that night was a mistake.Trust me, I’m well aware, Jake.”

It’s like being on an emotional roller coaster. The initial hope, then the crushing disappointment of unrequited feelings. Now it feels like everytime you start to get over things he appears to draw you back in. First in your makeup chair and now this… You’re entirely certain that if he would just leave you alone, if he would stop sending these cruel mixed signals, you know that this would be easier. You know you could finally move on from this. 

Good mood completely soured with anger, you try to push past him again but this time he steps forward and backs you up into the wall, his hands grabbing your shoulders. 

“No! That’s- that’s not what I meant, Sunflower.” 

“Then what exactly do you mean, Jake?” He’s close enough now that you can smell the tequila on his breath. “Because I know how you feel about me. And I swear to god it’s starting to feel like you enjoy having me pining after you. Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

Jake’s head falls, his hair falling down to frame his face. 

“I don’t know. I tried too. But you keep pulling me back.” He frowns down at you before adding quietly, “I’m sorry.” 

You can’t bring yourself to say ‘it’s okay.’ All you can do is stare at him, feeling suddenly as if every sense has been overtaken by him. The heat of his body, the smell of him, the way his hands are on your shoulders to keep you pressed against the wall… 

His eyes drop and for a split second you swear his gaze lingers on your lips before flicking back upwards. Your heart races, chest burning as you basically hold your breath. 

“Sunflower, I-”

“What. The. Fuck?”

Jake rears back and away from you as if he’d been burned at the sound of Lindsey’s voice.

Panic washes over you as you take in Lindsey’s face – there’s anger, of course. But mostly hurt. Fuck, you know that you and Jake both look guilty even though you technically haven’t done anything. 

“Lindsey!” You begin, stepping away from the wall, “God, it’s not what it looks like. I swear. I’m so sorr-”

“Save it.” She interrupts you, turning her icy gaze towards Jake who’s backed himself up into the opposite wall and is looking at her with wide eyes. “You’re not the one I’m pissed at.”

Jake looks on the verge of either crying or passing out and you feel a bit like you might do either one of those as well. You don’t know what to do as the three of you stand there in a stalemate. 

The air feels oppressive and you wrack your brains for something, anything, to say that might make this better. You can’t think of a single, god damned thing. 

“You guys okay?” It’s Carter’s voice that breaks the silence as he enters the hallway, his eyebrows raising at the sight that greets him. “Ya’ll have been gone for a while.” Carter’s dart between the three of you before settling on you. “Y/n?”

“We- it’s fine. We’re fine, Carter.” It’s a big fat lie but you don’t really know what else to say. “I was just about to head home, actually.” 

You know it’s a cowardly thing to do – to just run away and not deal with whatever blow out is about to happen. But you can’t think of anything better to do. 

“Oookay.” Carter doesn’t look convinced that everything is fine but he seems to sense that this isn’t something to stick his nose in. “I’ll walk you out.” 

It’s not a question. All you can do is nod and numbly follow Carter out of the hallway. Jake follows you with pleading eyes but Lindsey doesn’t look at you until you’re all the way past her. Finally, she watches you go, giving you a curt nod with her lips pressed together. You would almost feel better if she was pissed and screaming at you instead. 

//

You cross your arms over your chest tightly as Carter waits on the curb outside with you for your Uber to arrive. You haven’t said anything to him but you can tell he’s itching to ask what the hell he just walked in on. 

“I’m guessin’ it’s complicated and I don’t wanna know?” He finally asks and you nod. 

“Something like that, yeah.”

“Are you okay?” You hate the genuine concern in his voice. You don’t really feel like you deserve it. 

“I will be.”

Carter kicks a rock and it goes skittering across the sidewalk. 

“I’m not trying to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong but… whatever he did to hurt you,” he sighs a little, “I know you didn’t deserve it.”

Despite the millions of awful thoughts that are running through your mind, you smile just a little. 

“Thank you.”

“And he’s a fool for not seeing what’s right in front of ‘im.”

To that, you have no idea what to say. So you don’t. The two of you wait in silence for your Uber, Carter’s body heat a comforting presence next to you. 

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･

March 26, 2023 - Reno, NV – Jake’s POV 

The night at the restaurant has been haunting just about every waking moment since. And when you sleep, Y/n’s look of hurt and Lindsey’s face filled with disappointment and anger swirl around within your dreams and send you waking in a cold sweat. 

You know this is all your fault. Y/n knows it. And fuck, now Lindsey knows it too. 

She’d been so damned understanding that night when she’s asked about your relationship with Y/n. She’d nodded along as you told her about the drunken hook up in a bathroom. When you’d asked her if it upset her, she’d merely shrugged and said that she “can’t change the past.” 

You’d told her you loved her that night and it had eased whatever worries she had… Now, you’re pretty sure that out of everything, that was the cruelest thing you ever did to her. 

It had been like walking on eggshells since Ristorante Casanova. You’d explained to Lindsey over and over that nothing had actually happened that night and that you hadn’t been planning on anything happening… that you had just wanted to talk to Y/n. Begrudgingly, she’d accepted your words as truth and your countless apologies but deep down you both know that your relationship isn’t going to ever return to what it was. She’d stopped saying ‘I love you’ back. 

You’d declined going out when Josh had asked the night before, claiming to be too tired after the show. It wasn’t a total lie. You were tired, but the show had nothing to do with it and everything to do with having Y/n’s body so close to yours again and the wounded looks Lindsey sends your way when she thinks you’re not looking. Lindsey hadn’t complained when you told her you wanted to stay in – in fact, she’d looked relieved. You’d both gone to bed without saying a word, the silence far more damning than anything else.

She’d been in the bathroom for almost an hour now. The water had been turned off a while ago but she’d yet to emerge. You sit on the edge of the bed, waiting for her – feeling a bit like a guilty man waiting at the gallows. 

At last, after what feels like an eternity, the door to the bathroom opens and she emerges, washed and makeup freshly done. Your heart aches at how beautiful she looks – and at the fact that it doesn’t affect you the way it used to. 

“I’ve got a flight back home today.” She offers, eyes looking anywhere but you as she crosses the room to where her suitcase lays. It’s almost completely packed save for the bag of toiletries she carries with her from the bathroom. 

“I thought you were going to try to get more time off work so you could be at the last show?” You can’t help the hurt that bleeds into your tone even though you know you have no right to be feeling that way. 

Lindsey levels you with a hard look. It’s not anger. Just resignation… somehow, that’s even worse. 

“I think we both know why I’m not staying, Jake.” 

You shake your head even though you know she’s right. But things had once been perfect between the two of you and there’s this voice in the back of your head that’s telling you it can’t end like this; that things could go back to the way they were. You really thought you could love her. She’s everything you’ve ever looked for… at least, she used to be. 

“I loved you.” You say wretchedly, the words tasting bitter on your tongue. It’s a shitty thing to say as a last-ditch effort to try and fix something that shouldn’t be fixed.

“I loved you too” She tosses her toiletries bag into her suitcase and zips it up.

Her eyes close as she pauses for a brief moment and your hands itch to reach out and touch her – to comfort her. But you can’t. You lost that privilege. 

“I did love you, Lindsey. I swear it. I just-” You cut yourself off, unable to put into words what changed. 

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Jake.” She rounds the edge of the bed and comes to stand in front of you. You sit with your elbows on your knees, head down in defeat. Delicately, she reaches out and hooks her finger beneath your chin, forcing you to look at her – to see the hurt written all over her face. “I think we both deserve better than this. I deserve better than second place.”

“Yes. You do, Lindsey. I’m- I’m sorry.”

She steps away from you and goes back to her suitcase. She grabs her phone from the nightstand and walks towards the door of the hotel room. She looks back only once and your eyes meet. 

“Don’t fuck it up with her, okay?” She tells you, eyes sparkling with just a little bit of warmth. She really did deserve better than this. Than you. 

“I think I already did.”

“Then fix it.”

You're heart feels like it breaks into a million pieces as you watch her go – breaking with the guilt of realizing that you're not even upset.

But deep down, you know why you don't feel more.

It had taken you losing her completely for you to realize that Y/n was the one who holds your heart; Y/n's smile that can light up your world in a way that no one else's can.

You hadn't quite known it yet... that night at the bar. You didn't know how deep your feelings for her ran until you got to feel her wrapped around you, crying out your name and looking at you like you hung the stars. But of course you'd panicked – convinced yourself that she couldn't possibly feel the same. And then you'd let your insecurity speak for you and had hurt both you and her all the more as a result. And then hurt Lindsey too by going out with her. In your defense — if you could even call it that... You had convinced yourself that Y/n didn't feel the same and you were so sure that you could move on from her.

But then you'd learned the truth of Y/n's feelings – from Lindsey of all people, and your world had crumbled around you.

But you refuse to let it stay this way. Y/n... your sunflower... you won't let her go again.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*

March 26, 2023 - Reno, NV – Y/n’s POV  

So far, Reno has been your least favorite place you’ve been to for this job. The air outside is dry as the Sahara desert and you’re pretty sure that no amount of chapstick could help how dry your lips feel right now. Reno feels as if it’s merely trying to be Las Vegas – just without all the neon lights, restaurants, and fun activities that makes the smell of cigarette smoke and foot traffic worth it. 

Usually after a show, everyone likes to go out for dinner or drinks somewhere or you like to go exploring a new city. Neither is an option tonight as it seems that everyone is in agreement that Reno isn’t the type of place that they want to have to spend extra time in. And besides, it’s an early flight tomorrow and you have no desire to be up later than you have to tonight. 

At least there’s good water pressure, you think to yourself as you emerge from the bathroom, a threadbare bathrobe that the hotel had provided wrapped tightly around your waist. You shove your toiletries into your suitcase – ready for the early departure in the morning, and then collapse heavily onto the bed. Just one more show left.

You’d been feeling much better this past day, feeling less like your emotions were running all over the place and a little bit more centered with yourself. Apparently, being completely and utterly fed up about something does wonders for taking steps towards letting it go. 

A gentle knock on the door draws you from your thoughts, along with confusion about who on earth would be knocking at your hotel door – you look at the clock on the nightstand, at 11pm the night before a 7am flight. 

You look through the peephole and your stomach drops at the sight of Jake standing outside your door, his hands in his pockets. You undo the lock and open the door just enough so that you can see him fully. He looks freshly showered, his hair still slightly damp at the ends  and curling a little bit – just like he said it did that day in your makeup chair. 

“Jake?” You ask hesitantly, still not opening the door fully. “What are you doing here?”

You can’t quite get a read on his face. He looks… surprisingly normal as he stands there outside your door. 

“I was wondering if we could talk.” He answers. 

“Now?” You can’t help the sharpness in your tone but Jake takes it in stride, merely ducking his head a little and giving you a crooked smile. 

“I mean… yeah? I just wanted to be able to catch you when we won’t get interrupted.”

A thousand reasons why you should say no race through your mind, the number one of which being that he has a girlfriend who he should probably be with instead. But logic and Jake rarely share the same space in your mind so you open the door wider and allow him to come inside. The smell of his cologne hits you as he brushes past you and you’re assaulted with the mental image of a freshly showered Jake in his bathroom taking the time to put it on before coming to see you. You clear your throat and lock the door behind you. 

Jake stands in the middle of the room, hands still in his pockets, and finally that neutral expression on his face has melted away to something else. Is he… nervous?

“Did you catch the show tonight?” He asks, eyes following your every move as you take a seat on the edge of your bed.

“I caught the tail end, yeah.”

“Did you like it?”

You sigh a little. 

“I always like them.” And it’s the truth. He’s good at what he does. “But I don’t think you came here to my room this late to talk about the show.”

Jake nods, shuffling his feet a little and then biting his lip. 

“I guess I came to apologize.”

A small, vindictive little part of you rejoices and you speak before your mind can catch up. 

“There are a lot of things for you to apologize for. Which one are you talking about tonight?”

Jake winces and looks suitably chastised as he stands there before you. It doesn’t make you feel better like you thought it would to see him so unsure of himself. 

“There are a lot of things.” He agrees quietly, “but it’s what I was trying to say that night at the restaurant.”

You can clearly remember his words from a few nights ago – I think I made a mistake. With you. You raise a brow, waiting for him to elaborate. You’re tired of playing the guessing game with him. 

“It was a mistake to tell you that it meant nothing.” He continues on, eyes trained on the ground. “It was a mistake to call it a mistake. And I’ve spent every night since regretting what I said. And I regret that I didn’t see what I had until it was too late.”

Your mind goes completely blank as he speaks, brain unable or unwilling to decipher what he’s saying. You’re terrified of misreading this. Again. 

“What- what are you saying, Jake?”

He smiles a little, more of a grimace than anything, but he finally meets your gaze with his own. 

“I’m saying that- that I want you. For more than just sex, Sunflower. I want you.” He bites his lip, brows tipping downwards in a frown. “If- if you still want me, that is.”

“But Lindsey-” You begin, but he’s quick to cut you off. 

“Me and Lindsey are over. She’s on a plane going home as we speak. She doesn’t-” he cuts himself off with a wince. “I don’t love her anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. We’re done, Y/n. We should have been done a long time ago.”

You both stand there in tense silence. You want to scream and cry and hit him for everything that he’s put you through. But you also want to laugh and kiss his stupid, beautiful face. Words have failed you. You’ve spent so long dreaming that he would one day say these things and how you would respond but now that it’s happening… you can’t think of one single thing to say to him.

“I think I just need some time to think.” You finally say to him. Jake doesn’t look surprised by it either. 

“That’s- that’s fair.” 

“Once we get to Sacramento, after the show… come and find me. I’ll have an answer by then.”

Jake nods and turns to leave, looking a bit like a kicked puppy but you don’t allow yourself to reach out to him. Not yet. He can wait – just like you had to do. 

“And Jake?” He turns back around quickly, looking as if he’s trying not to look hopeful. “Thank you for telling me.”

His shoulders drop just a little but he nods and smiles. 

“Of course.”

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･

March 28, 2023 - Sacramento, CA

Jake’s words play on repeat in your mind practically 24/7 in the days following his… his apology? Declaration ? You’re not entirely sure what to call it but by the night of the final show you’re pretty sure you have each word memorized. 

Jake had given you space – time, just like you asked him for. And of course, your mind has tried to rationalize what he’d said a million different ways as you try to take them as anything other than what they came across as – a proclamation of wanting a relationship with you. 

But surely that couldn’t be what he meant, right? He’d called that God-forsaken night in the bar bathroom a mistake from the moment it was over and he’d since been made more than aware of your feelings towards him thanks to your conversation with Lindsey that night back in Nashville. 

I want you. For more than just sex. Those words have been haunting you, always in the back of your mind as you try to move about through your days like a normal person. There’s no way he meant anything other than wanting a relationship, right? What else could that possibly mean? He’d looked so unsure, so unlike himself as he’d stuttered out If you still want me, that is. 

The words are still on replay in your mind as you move about your hotel room, anxiously packing and repacking everything that you own as you wait for Jake to come and find you after the show like you told him to. If he comes and finds you. The show ended hours ago and you know that there’s a big celebration going on – one that you’d been invited to but had chosen to stay home from. But it’s nearing 1AM… surely he’d prioritize coming to talk to you, right?

As if your thoughts have summoned him, there’s a knock on your hotel room door. This time, you don’t have to look through the peephole to know that Jake is waiting on the other side. 

“Come on in.” You tell him, widening the door. 

“Sunflower.” He breathes, eyes raking up your form for a moment before he steps into the room. “You answered.” He says it like he’s surprised.

“You came.” Is all you have to say in response and Jake nods. 

You’d had this conversation with him at least a million times in your head by now and you’d had a solid idea of what you were going to say. But now, as you look at him with his sweet, chocolate eyes filled with hesitance and just a little bit of hope… it all flies out the window. 

“Of course I still want you.” 

Jake’s face softens in a way you’ve never seen it before and he smiles – small but genuine. 

“You mean it?” 

You nod. It feels a little anticlimactic as the words settle between the two of you and neither of you seem to know what to say. You tell him as much, earning yourself a small laugh. 

“I don’t really know what to say now, either. But I do know that- that I would very much like to kiss you.”

It feels like the air in your lungs completely disappears as he says that. Unable to answer, you step forward and kiss him first. It’s soft– timid even. So unlike that first time in the bar all those months ago. He’s kissing you like he’s taking his time, memorizing how you taste and feel like he might never get to experience you again. 

He walks you backwards until the backs of your thighs hit the bed and then his mouth trails down to your throat and butterflies erupt in your stomach. 

“Let me do it right.” He murmurs into your skin, his hands exploring every inch of you. “Like I should have done from the start.”

It feels like your veins are full of liquid fire as his lips trail down your throat and to your collarbone. 

“Do whatever you want, Jake.” Is all your brain can come up with to say. 

He takes your clothes off slowly, as if savoring each inch of skin bit by bit as it's revealed to him. When at last you’re completely bare and his clothes join yours on the floor, he settles his weight fully between your legs and his palms spread out across your thighs, kneading the flesh and working his way up your sides, feeling every bit of you as if he’s trying to commit it to memory. 

His fingers dig into the soft skin of your hips as you arch your back in a slow stretch. Jake’s eyes track every movement, every flicker and twitch of muscle beneath the skin as if truly seeing you for the very first time… as if he can’t believe it. His gaze lingers at last on your breasts, moving in tandem with your heavy breaths. 

Then his gaze slides lower. Lower. And when at last it lingers at the apex of your thighs, and his eyes glaze over with lust, you say to him, 

“Are you just going to sit there and stare?” 

Jake’s lips part at the challenge, his breathing going shallow. Jake is tense above you, so tense you fear the muscles might snap. But his hands are gentle as they drift to your inner thighs, rough fingertips ghosting along the sensitive skin there. 

With a stuttered breath he murmurs, “You are… so beautiful.”

You thread your fingers through his hair and use the grip to tug him upwards, instantly slotting your lips against his as soon as he’s in reach. You trace your tongue along the seam of his lips, fingers working to unbutton his pants. He groans into the kiss, tongue fighting desperately with yours. And, just to see what he’ll do, you palm him through his pants. 

Jake cries out, mouth falling open, lips still just barely touching yours as he groans. 

“You’re so hard.” You marvel, pressing down a bit more, feeling the heat and solidness of him beneath the fabric. 

“All for you.” He manages to say, hips rocking forward to meet the feeling of your palm against him. “If you keep doing that this is gonna be over before we start.” 

You exhale a laugh, removing your hand.

“You know what I regret the most?” He asks, moving his way back down your body. “From the last time?” 

With a grin you answer, “Other than telling me it was a mistake afterwards?” He frowns a little in response to that, dark eyes staring up at you with a look in them that tells you that maybe it's a little too soon to joke about it. “Sorry.” 

“No.” He shakes his head, hands splaying back out on your thighs and squeezing lightly. “I’m sorry.” His eyes drop back down to your dripping center. “And I regret not tasting this gorgeous pussy. Just so you know.” 

The words set you on fire, starting at your toes and running all the way up to the top of your head. His grip on your thighs tighten and then his tongue is on you – flicking relentlessly. Your body arches into him helplessly as your mouth falls open with a loud moan. He grins into your heat at the sound and a moan of his own escapes him. 

“Jesus.” You whine, your knees falling open even more. 

“No. Just me.” 

And God damn that voice. You didn't think it was possible for a voice to affect you like that but you're pretty sure that if it was possible you would want it to fuck you too. Deep and husky and smoother than whiskey. 

This time, the vigor with which he attacks your aching pussy with his mouth should be illegal. He makes a show of it – shaking his head from side to side and growling deep in his chest. All you can do is lay there and feel it – body writhing beneath him as the heat in your belly begins to rise and rise. 

You gasp as a rough fingertip prods your entrance, gathering your slick before slipping inside and curling deliciously, all the while he never lets up with his mouth. 

“Come on,” he urges, his breath hot on your aching core, “wanna taste you. Let me taste you, princess.” 

As if your body was merely waiting for his permission, the wave of white hot pleasure inside you hits its crest and you call out – a noise somewhere between animal and human that you might have been embarrassed about had you been more aware of yourself. And Jake just laps it up as your release spills into his mouth. 

Jake doesn’t pull away from you until your orgasm is completely finished and you start to shiver in overstimulation. His lips – plump and swollen, are shiny with your release. Grinning, he moves up your body and kisses you, tongue slipping past your lips and allowing you to taste yourself on him. It’s the most erotic thing you’ve ever experienced. Those eyes of his drink you in as he pulls away and you feel as though you could get lost in them. 

“What do you want?”

It takes your brain a moment to realize that he’s talking and a moment more to decipher what he’s just asked. But once it does, another wave of heat courses through your body and pools between your legs. 

“I want you inside me.”

Jake groans in answer, as if your words alone give him the utmost pleasure. 

“Whatever you want, princess.” 

“Do you have-?”

Jake grins and nods his head, rising up from the bed. He steps over to the pile of his discarded clothes (giving you an incredible view of his exquisite ass) as he bends down to reach into a pocket of his pants. 

“Would you think I’m an asshole if I said I came prepared?” He asks, turning around to face you again and raising a brow, the foil packet held aloft between his index and middle finger.  

Your heart warms at the sight – Jake, confident and relaxed around you as he once was.

“Nah.” He steps back towards the bed, stopping there without climbing back in. “Just appreciative.” You tell him, but still he makes no move to get back in the bed, his eyes scanning over your naked form in a way that feels more like he’s looking through you. You almost want to cover yourself beneath his intense gaze. “What are you doing?” 

“Just admiring the view.” He gives you a wolfish smirk and then climbs back into the bed, sitting himself on his knees between your thighs. 

As he rips open the foil with his teeth, you take a moment to admire his cock – hard and red and just as beautiful as the rest of him, where it stands proudly against his stomach. He rolls the latex onto himself, biting his lip and groaning a little bit as he pumps himself a few times. 

“You’re beautiful too, you know.” You murmur, glancing up at him. A pretty blush spreads across his face and down his chest and it makes you giggle. Even the tips of his ears turn pink. Jake Kiszka – rock god who plays on stage in front of thousands, is shy. “There’s no way that made you blush.”

Jake laughs and murmurs a playful “Hush” and then he’s sliding into you, silencing whatever retort you might have had. He plants his hands on either side of your body, face contorting in agonized pleasure.

The stretch of him is overwhelming and you grip his forearms, arching up into him. 

“Hold on a sec.” You whisper and he does so without question, peeking down at you to make sure you’re okay. “Been a while.” You tell him with a blush of your own. 

“That’s okay.” He answers, kissing you once – brief but sweet. “Just tell me when, princess.” 

After a moment, you loosen your grip on his forearms and nod. He pushes into you fully, making both of you moan. He rocks his hips, still being gentle. His shoulders shake with the effort of holding himself back and that alone makes another rush of wetness rush down to your pussy. 

“You feel like Heaven wrapped around me.” His words are rough, muffled by his clenched teeth. 

“You can go harder, baby.”

Jake moans at that, upping his pace a little. It’s everything you’ve dreamed of and more to be with him like this – to have him panting and whining above you with each thrust of his hips. 

He grips your hips in his rough hands, pulling you upwards. 

“Legs around me, princess.” The words sound more like a plea and you’re quick to obey, your legs clamping down around his hips as he starts to move again. 

“Oh, fuck!” At this angle, the velvety head of his cock brushes the spot inside of you that drives you wild and sends your muscles taut as a drum. 

His pace is slow but his thrusts are powerful, driving into you in a way that makes you see stars.

“Shit.” His head drops down, his skin glistening with sweat in the warm light of the lamp. “I’m not gonna last like this, Sunflower.” 

“I’m not either, Jake.” You manage to answer, your own words sounding far away. 

“Been a while?” He jokes, referencing back to your words earlier. 

 “Partly.” You clench around him mercilessly, drawing a loud groan from him that makes you giggle at the power you have over him. “Mostly because it’s you.”

Jake’s body shudders and his cock throbs inside of you. He’s dangerously close but he’s desperate to get you there first. Your eyes roll back into your head when his thumb finds your swollen clit, rubbing in harsh circles in time to each thrust. Unable to hold on any longer, your orgasm crashes into you, stealing the breath from your lungs and sending your muscles twitching and contorting as he keeps fucking you through it. Not a moment later Jake cums with a rough cry, burying his face in your neck as you both ride out your pleasure together. 

“Please stay.” You ask him and he nods against you. 

“As long as you want me to.”

// 

The sun shining through the blinds is what wakes you up. You reach out beside you, expecting to feel the warmth of Jake’s body heat next to you but you’re met with an empty bed. Did he leave? Brows furrowing, you sit up and look around and your worries are instantly silenced at the sight of Jake – in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom and running your comb through his hair. You rise from the bed and Jake looks over at you and smiles.

His skin is still flushed from the hot water of the shower and you have to fight to stop staring at the way his biceps flex as he brushes his hair and at the bead of water that trails down the middle of his stomach and disappears into the towel.

“Morning.” His morning voice is like whiskey and you blush just a little.

“Good morning.” As you reach the bathroom your eyes are drawn to a bottle of styling mousse that Jake must have gotten from your suitcase. He sees you looking at it and smiles shyly. 

“I was going to ask you to help me style it.” He tells you with a tiny smile and your heart melts. 

“Of course.” You step over to the counter and grab the bottle and just like you did last time, you spread the mousse onto your palms and then run it through his damp hair and then twirl it in sections. As you work – maybe taking a little bit more time than is really necessary, Jake starts to hum a tune under his breath. You’ve heard him whistle or hum it before. “What’s that song?” 

“Not sure yet.” Jake shakes his head a little, careful to not mess up his hair as you work on it. “I’ve had the tune in my head for a while. Just haven’t been able to think up any lyrics that fit.”

When you’re finished, his hair falls in loose waves that frame his face. Jake leans down and places a sweet kiss on your lips. 

“I could get used to this.” He murmurs, the words spoken against your lips as if he's unwilling to draw away for even a second.

“Me doing your hair?” 

He shakes his head.

“Waking up with you.” You blush at his words, feeling like you might melt on the spot. “Is- is there any way you could still keep your job with us?” He asks hesitantly and shit you’d forgotten all about the fact that you’d put in your notice. 

“I’m sure I could call and get things straightened out. There’s a chance they haven’t found anyone else yet.” You pray that you can stay. You'll beg on your hands and knees if you have to.

“Good.” Jake squeezes your arm once and then exits the bathroom, walking over to where his clothes from the night before still lay on the floor. 

You watch him go, your heart feeling suddenly so full that it might burst. You and him still have many things to talk about – conversations that have to happen at some point. But right now? Nothing has ever felt easier than going about your morning routine with him. Jake turns to look over his shoulder at you, tilting his head. 

“What?”

You just shake your head and laugh a little at yourself. 

“Nothing. It’s just-” it sounds stupid to say out loud but you say it anyway. “Just feel like I’ve waited my whole life for this.”

His smile is like looking at the sun – bright and radiant. He abandons his clothes once again to come stand in front of you. He reaches out, his hands finding yours and interlocking your fingers together. 

“You’re everything I’ve been looking for, Sunflower,” he tells you softly, “and I think I just got the perfect idea for some lyrics.” 

//

Fin

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･

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Tags: @jakeyt @demolitionndann @brujamagik @mybussyinchrist @writingcold @sinsofstardust @jjwasneverhere @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @wildbluesorbit @twistedmelodies @neverwanttofallasleep @sunandthemoontwinflames @clairesjointshurt @mindastreamofcolours @hellowgoodbye @gretasfallingsky @weightofkiszka @gvfmelbourne @smoking-jakelane @joshskittytickler @itsafullmoon @mackalah @sinarainbows @dannys-dream @lipstickitty @thewritingbeforesunrise @isabelgvf @sparrowofrhiannon @jakesguitarsolo @peaceloveunitygvf @kashmirclam @stardust-chordsss @gold-mines-melting @kenobicoffee @spark-my-nature @love-isnt-greed @jakeygvf21 @jaketlove @starcatcherjake @blacksoul-27 @i-love-gvf @vera-vestia @gvfpal @myleftsock @thetroublegetssoloud71 @anthemheatwave @josh-iamyour-mama @jazzyfigs @dannywagnerschoppedhair @its-interesting-van-kleep

[fanfiction4sooya]

Let me help (Tiffany x Fem!R)

Was feeling soft today so decided to go for a bit of fluff, but the end is just smut since (I'm a whore and cant contain myself) I thought it made sense for the story.

I'm ALWAYS up to writing for snsd, so send requests if you wanna talk abt them 💖💖💖

Mommy tiffany young, smut, fingering, oral, praising, +18, angst, mentions of harassment on work settings;

It was a horrible day.

It started good as usual, you were full of joy since you loved your job and your little routine. But it all went south when you stepped inside the office, coffee in hand and a big smile on your lips.

Your boss, may the devil take his soul, gave you three different contracts to redact before noon and kept rushing you all the time, passing by your desk and tapping his expensive watch in front of your face; watching you all the time, quietly cornering you when you were alone.

"Creep" You said to yourself as he went away, trying your best to ignore that gut wrenching feeling as he observed you.

He was having that type of behavior since you rejected him on the latest happy hour, telling him you already seeing someone. Of course he didn't believe you, but it was true. "Is he better than me? More good looking? Come on, he doesn't need to know" He said all that and concluded that you were lying to not engage with him. If he even knew...

Tiffany Young, your boss's boss was the person you were seeing. Of course he didn't knew that, very few people knew. You didn't want anyone to know so you wouldn't be seen as a gold digger after all.

She worked at another company and owned the one you worked at, but still. You didn't want to be anyone's target.

It was finally time to leave and your body was sore, you had a massive headache and you felt like crap. You just wanted to get home and pretend nothing happened, reluctant on telling Tiff what happened since you didn't wanted to bother her but it was almost impossible to keep anything from that woman.

When you got home she was already there still on her work attire, her hair up on a bun. God, she was gorgeous.

"Hi, baby" She went your way hugging you as you tensed a bit.

"Hi, Tiff" You sheepishly said, holding back the urge to cry.

"Did something happen?" She said, worried eyes meeting your sad ones. You pouted, really on the verge of tears, sniffling a bit. "Oh, sweetie..." She hugged you again, petting your hair as you nuzzled into her neck and started quietly sniffling.

After a while she managed to calm you down a little and prepare a hot bath for you, helping you take off your clothes and enter the bathtub as she did the same, positioning herself behind you. Her boobs pressed against your back almost made you give up on telling her anything as she washed you.

She didn't rush you, didn't say anything as she kept you company; After a while you finally mustered some courage.

"Mommy" You quietly called her. "I need to tell you something..." You looked down at the water and she positioned her chin on your shoulder.

"I'm all ears, my love" She kissed your skin and that made you relax enough to tell her everything that was happening as she attentively listened.

You felt her slightly tense behind you as you were talking. You knew it wasn't jealousy, it was pure rage, her protective side kicking in hard.

"'I'm so sorry you had to go through that, baby" She hugged you. "Don't worry anymore, I'll take care of it" She said, her tone lower and quite dangerous.

"Thank you for not scolding me" You were a little bit ashamed it took you almost a week to tell her. She gently held your chin, turning your face to look at her, kissing your lips in such a passionate way that it got you dizzy.

"Thank you for trusting me with such delicate matter, my love" That made your heart melt. "I would never judge your decisions, specially on this" She said, her nose touching yours. "You are so brave, baby"

She was so encouraging, so careful, it was turning you on. That secure side, her honey-like voice, the way you felt so protected, everything felt so attractive that you found it hard to hold yourself back.

You turned around on her embrace, straddling her naked form and pressing your hips against hers.

"I love you so much" You said, kissing her more passionately now as she hugged your waist kissing you with equal fervor.

"I love you, baby" You breathed heavily as she licked your lips, sucking your bottom one. That made your hips jolt, slowly grinding. "Are you sure?" She whispered and you nodded, moaning against her lips.

"Make me forget mommy, please" You pleaded and again you felt her tense under you. She loved when you pleaded for her.

"Anything for you, my love" She said, before kissing you.

She kissed you slowly, caressing your back and cupping your ass so you would grind a little harder. You rolled your eyes as she kissed your neck, trailing off to one of your stiff nipples; That made you whine, gripping hard at the sides of the bathtub. She alternated between long and hard sucks and some more shallow, light ones.

She stood up with you still on her lap placing you on the cold marble sink of her expensive bathroom, the sudden cold made you shiver a bit but her hot body made you entirely forget anything that wasn't her.

She touched you lightly at first, two fingers circling your clit making you moan and she smiled against your skin as she went down on her knees.

"My pretty girl" She said as she licked your inner thigh, eyeing your already reddened cunt. "Pinch your nipples for me, baby" She knew how you loved getting ordered around during sex and loved even more getting your nipples stimulated when getting head. "And keep your eyes on me, princess" She smiled, holding your legs. "I like it when you watch me eat"

She dove on your pussy, licking first at your slit to gather your wetness. You opened your mouth to moan but even that was hard, pinching hard on both of your nipples, your eyes glued to Tiffany's beautiful face, her hair completely tossed to the side as she sucked hungrier and hungrier. She hummed, tasting you in the most obscene way ever, making sure that you were seeing her enter your pussy with her tongue.

"Mommy" You cried out, bucking against her face. Trembling, shivering, cursing a lot when she switched her tongue with her fingers, massaging your spongy spot and fully making out with your swollen clit.

"You look so pretty with my fingers inside you, baby" She said, getting up and kissing you. "My pretty thing" She moaned when you clenched, taking your hand from your nipple to replace with her mouth. She fucked you hard now; your pussy wet and loud as she added a third finger, making you close your eyes and throw your head back. "Open your eyes, sweetie"

Pulling you from the sink, she made you stand on shaky legs as she quickly turned you around to face the mirror, holding your chin.

"Open it" She ordered again, slamming her fingers inside you, kissing your neck from behind. You shivered, forcing yourself to obey. "That'is it, sweetie" She smiled. "Look at your pretty face, look how hot you are when my fingers are all up your pussy, baby"

Indeed, you were hot like that. Disheveled hair, sweaty forehead, blushed cheeks; you put your tongue out, sucking on the fingers that were previously on your chin. That made her mind go fuzzy with desire, her fingers slamming against your core even harder now.

You moaned loudly, clenching, shaking so hard it was impossible to stay up if it wasn't for her body pressing your front against the sink. You felt that familiar tightening on your belly, feeling yourself spilling your juices on her hand.

"Mommy, fuck-" You managed to say even with your stuffed mouth, coming so hard you kind of blacked out for a moment.

Still holding your limp body she slowly took off her fingers from inside you, turning you around to kiss your puffy lips and press her body against yours.

She took you to bed after a while, laying you literally on top of her as she caressed your back, humming a soft lullaby.

Her warmth was something so utterly safe that it made you curl up and stay on her lap like a kitty would do to it's owner, so protective and quiet in a good way.

"How are you feeling?" She said as your head nuzzled to her neck.

"Loved" You said, not thinking twice. She softly laughed.

"No, baby" You looked up at her. "About that jackass" Her eyes lost a little of it's sparkle when she mentioned him.

"Oh" you blushed a bit. "I feel lighter now that I told you" You took a deep breath.

"You can tell me anything, sweetie" She kissed your lips and then your forehead. "And always count on me for help"

You nodded, kissing the corner of her lips, that pretty eye smile making your heart swell.

"I know, mommy" You said, feeling happy to be hers.

[memberment]

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE

So the Trinitarians brain worm is back and Morning Glory is now longer and biting the dust as far as my focus goes.

But like, I genuinely want to talk to anyone who's invested in what's to come as far as part two goes. SO PLEASE. I IMPLORE THE FOUR OF YOU WHO PERPETUALLY TAKE NOTICE OF MY SCREAMS INTO THE VOID.

We're all aware that Trin is a time loop fic. That is confirmed.

BUT THE PROBLEM IS HOW I'M GOING ABOUT DOING THAT. AND I NEED INPUT FROM PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT ME AS FAR AS PLEASES AND SPARKLES GO, YES?

Because like sure I'm writing it and like fuck everything else, let me tell my story. But it's the how of it all like if I'm gonna throw another 200 give or take hours into this I would at least like one person to be having a wonderful time drinking and driving (I have since remembered this is not a common phrase, I do not mean this in a literal sense, it's an expression) with me right?

Part two is going to be 50 chapters, give or take. (Part one is about 37 for reference.)

So the plan for part 2 rn is (ROGUHLY):

(1-10) is the second timeline. There are a lot of importants and I cannot just glaze over it all more than that. But we're also working in a bit of a shorter time period than the original events of the story and introductions do not need to happen again, right?

(11-40)ish would be me running through the next timelines in a set up structure -> what changes -> the results of said changes and then inevitably what sends our looper backwards. It wouldn't be running through all the timelines but the more notable ones in kind of a four chapter structure, I am not fully sold on four, but rough estimate yk.

And then 41-50 would be the finale of part two. It's literally the last timeline in its glory and then the epilogue which kicks off part three.

COULD AT LEAST ONE OF Y'ALL SIT THROUGH THAT OR DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY NOTES AT ALL BECAUSE LIKE

I personally kinda like it but if not a soul is reading this I am throwing myself on the curb with the rest of the garbage LMFAOOO.

I NEED THOUGHTS. OPINIONS. COMMENTS. CONCERNS. ANYTHING.

Anyways, I'm going to work. I have off tomorrow and I broke the ff investment seal for today so insanity and updates will be here tonight and homework will be tomorrow.

HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GOOD DAY <3

(9:30) I am literally falling asleep as I lazily write this angel based on Danse Macabre. Expect all of maybe one more update tonight if the tacos I am abt to receive don't wake me up LMFAO.

Also, I am almost saddened by not having something to post tm. Anyone want an early chapter of something that isn't Genesis/Desolation bc they're both on Monday?????? (I am feeling like a menace rn)

(10:19) tacos and the absolute yap session I just had did wake me up a bit. MAAAYBE might write some more. Idk I slept like three hours last night and went to work I'm kinda dead. But we're at 98.2k!!!!!!🥳

(11:06) okay we made it to 99.6k everything besides the flashback for 31 is done. I'm about to relax and watch something and figure out mechanics of some of this because god this series is A BEAST. Like, I still have six planned chapters left.

Pure insanity. I love it here. I hate it here.

Holy shit wait I just came to the realization that I started this fic exactly one month ago. I have belted out 99.6k for THIS FIC ALONE. (Moreso if we're including future shit that hasn't happened yet)

IN ONE MONTH.

THAT IS FUCKING CRAZY WHAT HTE FUCK LMFAOOOO

I may or may not be cooking we’ll find out in 6-26 business hours

(5:28) So I just had a very interesting past few business hours. I read a fic I've been waiting ever so patiently to finish. That's cool, right. I go for a walk at 4 in the morning because I'm insane. Fantastic. I get home at five and I'm like ohhhh well what do I do now it's not sleep time yet. Oh write I'm supposed to be drawing.

Nope I reread the epilogue of morning glory and realized Tweek's first address is for my morning glory and Craig's last sign off is your morning glory and now I'm ready to throw myself on the curb with the garbage as I sob. Someone call a trusted adult for me thanks.

[barkspawn]

harvey needs love!!! how abt farmer trying to get him all hot n bothered in public bc he is all shy and awk in public but gets his revenge when he takes hr home. they cn be dating or married idrc

Oh lord this took a few tries. Google scarred me. btw.

Harvey was a very private man. He knew everyone in town as their doctor and he figured that it was best if that's how it stayed. 

Well, until Amelia came along and decided to make the effort to learn more. They were fast friends, sharing coffee each morning and the occasional drink at the saloon. It wasn't long before he developed feelings for her. Thankfully, the feeling was mutual. 

He talked her into having her annual visit and for the first time in his entire career, he dropped his professionalism thanks to that longing look in her eyes. He had just been standing close and listening to her heart. Their eyes met and, well, the doctor's appointment ended the second their lips touched. 

It certainly ran much longer than an annual physical. 

Ever since, the occasional drink and morning coffee turned into them being completely inseparable. It had been so long since Harvey had a girlfriend that the word felt odd on his tongue. Still, he always kept an air of professionalism when in town or around others. 

Unfortunately for him, Amelia was seeing that as more of a challenge. 

The Stardew Valley fair was today and she planned on flustering the man more than she had before in an attempt to ensure a fun evening. He may be shy out in the town, but he was very much outgoing in private. It was a pleasant surprise. 

He showed up at her house precisely an hour before they were meant to go to the fair. Judging by the hungry kiss she'd earned just for opening the door in only her pajama bottoms and a thin tank top, her plan today was going to be more fun and a lot easier than she had hoped. 

They walked into the fair, Amelia's eyes widening as she saw just how transformed the entire town square was. Hand-in-hand, they explored, stopping every so often to watch people play some games. She forewent the fortune teller, the entire concept scaring her a little bit. Harvey had gone into the tent, leaving her outside to talk to Rasmodius. Before she knew it, she was setting up her grange display, Harvey tending to a child’s scraped knee. She stepped back to admire her setup, smiling in pride as she stood beside Marnie. 

“Mar, your display looks amazing. That wheel of cheese is incredible,” she praised, already resolving to not even look at the display of fruits and vegetables that she grew displayed as Pierre’s display. 

“Thank you, Amelia. It's always a lot of fun to set up,” she sighed, a small smile playing on her lips, “and given that all of these people from out of town don't know any better, they try to buy the things in the display after the winner is announced.”

Amelia laughed, the older woman shifting a little closer to speak in a lower voice, “so you and Dr. Harvey seem to be getting on well, hmm?”

Amelia couldn't help but smile and look over toward the man, who was praising the child for being so brave. 

“Yeah, I think so,” she replied, not worrying about her volume. It wasn't a secret. 

“Do you love him?”

Amelia almost convinced herself that she definitely misheard the woman. After a moment, she laughed, a little awkwardly. 

“We've only been dating for a season… And besides, I'm not even sure I'd know if it was that instead of… Well, infatuation.” 

Marnie touched her arm, smiling at Amelia, “you'll be able to tell.”

Amelia gave her thanks, turning as Harvey made his way back to her side. His smile was a little wider as he returned, bending and pressing a short, sweet kiss to her lips.

She hummed in surprise, not used to experiencing any form of public affection. She smiled brightly as both of his hands held hers, “Doctor Harvey! Kissing your girlfriend in public, what's gotten into you?” she teased, knowing that sometimes she would use the doctor title to tease him with various effects. 

Maybe her little mission would be easier than she thought. 

“Sorry, dear,” he laughed, brushing some loose strands of hair behind her ear, “just having a good day I guess.”

She shook her head, feigning surprise, teasing like she was reading a headline, “doctor finds his day getting better with every skinned knee.”

His eyebrows shot up, “oh, Yoba, no, that is what it seemed like, isn't it?” he let out an embarrassed laugh, “I just had a good fortune reading,” he slipped his hand into hers before starting to walk again, “I promise I'm not that bad.”

Bingo. 

She stood on her toes, her lips right against his ear as she teased, “you certainly could be.” she pressed a kiss where his jaw met his ear before smiling innocently up at him. She was pleased to find his face a lovely crimson. He looked shocked, though she swore there was something behind that expression. Finally, he cleared his throat and laughed, the sound a little shaken as they walked toward the food. 

“I have no idea what I'm going to do with you,” he sighed, teasing before squeezing her hand, “and I'm on to you.”

She grinned, almost too excited by her terrible jokes (that hopefully wouldn't be jokes for long).

She rests her head on his shoulder, her voice only low enough for him to hear though her expression stays innocent, “I know exactly what to do with you and it does involve being on one another, I guess. I was mainly thinking of me being on yo–”

“Amelia,” he cut her off, his voice a mix of stern and pleading, a laugh still behind it, “you know that my… resilience is not as strong as yours.”

He was still joking, which was a good sign. And it was very true. When they first kissed, it was almost primal. They were both starved for touch and couldn't get enough. She worried at first that was the only reason they went as far as they did that day in the exam room. She had never felt that way when it came to sex. It turns out the need for touch only partially grazed the surface. They really just needed someone to be there with them and for them. The sex was an added bonus. 

He wasn't necessarily super strong, but she was small enough to where, with a wall, he could hold her up, losing himself in her, literally and figuratively. Still, at this point, anywhere in the farmhouse was fair game. 

She smirked to herself, shaking her head. It was all like she was back in her early 20s and reliving the puppy love of her previous relationships.

Though this was different. Deeper. 

Was Marnie right?

She shook off the thought and looked up at Harvey, who then shifted his arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. 

“Wow, that fortune teller really said something to make you affectionate, huh?” she teased, her arm moving around his waist, her thumb slipping under his shirt subtly, touching the bare skin beneath and hooking into the waistband of his pants. She felt him tense before they approached the grills, pulling apart to get some burgers and exchange pleasantries with Elliott and Gus. Once they had their plates, she walked him to a picnic table that had one of those cheap plastic tablecloths on it. He gave her a curious look, smirking as she smiled innocently across the table at him. 

“Why are you staring at me like that?” she teased, adjusting her sundress before leaning forward on the table, leaving him with a direct view of her cleavage, which he couldn't deny looking. 

“Tell me, dear,” he looked back up to meet her eyes, “are you trying to,” he cleared his throat, shifting a little as someone from out of town sat at the other end of the table, “...embarrass me?”

She laughed aloud before pulling out her phone and quickly typing out a text to him, his eyebrow rising curiously:

Amelia 1:34 pm: I'm just trying to give you some hints about what I plan to do to you when we get home.

Amelia 1:34 pm: oh, and one more quick hint, dear

Amelia 1:35 pm: I'm not wearing anything at all under my dress. 😘

She hit send and placed her phone on the table, unable to hide her smile as she watched him pull his phone out. She took a bite of her burger, watching as he took his phone out and froze, reading her texts. After a long moment, he looked back up at her, eyes wide and cheeks burning. 

She took advantage of his stunned silence, licking her lower lip and running her thumb over it as if she was wiping away crumbs. 

Harvey shifted, leaning forward and leaning on his elbows so he could talk, his voice low, “message received loud and clear,” he watched as she laughed, her smile full of mischief as she leaned in so they were barely a foot apart, his whisper almost pleading, “now please behave. I’d rather the whole town not catch me like this.”

“Why, are you hard?” Her voice was a purr as she refused to take her eyes from his. 

Harvey pulled back and looked around, worried someone might have heard. He laughed a breathy laugh, trying to play it off as if he was not flustered at all, “Amelia, what has gotten into you?”

She lifted her burger to take another bite, humming out her answer before doing so, “I was hoping you would.”

Harvey nearly choked on his drink, which he really should have known better than to take a drink right now. She stood and feigned worry, “Harv, are you alright?” he had his hand on his chest, clearing his throat before looking up at her suspiciously as she continued, “do we need to go get your inhaler from the clinic?” 

She watched as his expression changed, his eyes narrowing, “I absolutely do,” his voice was laced with the tension she had built. Somehow, his voice seemed to have the effect on her that she had on him. 

He leaned forward as if he were picking something up, using her to hide the fact that he even had to adjust himself. He stood, standing close before bending to press a small, firm kiss to her forehead. 

“Everything I need is in exam room one,” he commented, back to his nice-town-doctor facade, “or it's about to be.”

[mav-the-artist]

Hey guys.

Slight vent i guess. It's nothing drastically serious, but putting up a warning anyways. It's me complaining abt work and my ability to interact online.

under a cut, as it's a bit lengthy.

As the year comes to a close, I think about my milestones. Yeah, I've made a few friends since making a twitter finally. i've made a lot of improvement on my art. i've also figured out my gender. my life in general has been really good, since leaving a bad situation a year and a half ago. for the most part i'm happy where i'm at now.

except one thing.

work.

it's getting to me, working 40+ hours a week and hardly having any time at home to myself, let alone interact with my mutuals and friends. i feel bad. there's a lot of people i want to interact with and get to know more, but i have to sacrifice so much of my time off work to take care of irl stuff, family, etc.

and i have so many ideas for art, SO MANY. ideas of ocs i wanna draw from my mutuals/followers/people i follow, my fursona that i've been wanting to design FOR MONTHS, and so much more. my notes app on my phone deadass is FULL of ideas i get. but by the time i get home, all my motivation almost always is drained. i feel like a hollow void. and when i do draw, i never have enough time or energy to put more effort, more details or fully render. i've noticed my art has looked half-assed lately due to this.

after work, if my friends are in a group call, i end up just hanging out in the call not doing a goddamn thing otherwise. i enjoy hanging out with friends greatly, don't get me wrong, it's just i don't have motivation most of the time to draw while chatting in vc. hell, i don't even play video games half the time cuz i'm too tired to even do that. and there's so many games i bought this year that i only played once/never played yet because i'm too busy working/drained after work.

to my friends, mutuals, and followers who want to interact with me: i'm sorry i cant talk more or talk to you at all. i want SO BADLY to interact in fandom spaces more and make more friends, but work and fatigue is beating my ass relentlessly. however, even if we've talked a few times/rarely talk, i don't get friendship decay. we're still friends even if we don't talk in a while! and know i appreciate all my mutuals/followers greatly and will do my best to interact more.

i may be able to talk to my boss about going down to part time, as my mom and i did some number crunching and we could make it work. this would fix my problems massively, as i could finally achieve a work/life balance that i can actually function in.

in the end, i want this year coming up to be better than this one. yes, i've done a lot this year. but the next big thing is trying to talk to more than just like. 3 people online. and make more art, and improving my mental health.

don't expect this to be a reoccurring thing with me venting, as most of the time i'm a happy person. but i had to get this out. you can see why, lol

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW - body dysmorphia, reference to csa & cocsa i need some advice on how to deal with a few feelings. hi mods, hope all is well so recently i got my hair dyed for the 2nd time since my first hair dye around late 2021. at that time, my mom told me that she would not let me dye my hair again, but i had it dyed once again and my mom, although let me do it (she was present with me), throughout the process she looked very tensed, upset, and mumbled about a few times abt the chemicals and everything. i felt super guilty at this point, but to me dyeing my hair is a form of self expression. i know it's harmful, but my hair is one part of my appearance i like, and it's the only part of my body that i don't feel ashamed of. she looked very exasperated. after we got home that night, around quite late ( i stay up late to finish up some work somedays ) she came into my room and spoke to me in a very, uh sulky type of manner i say? like she was distressed and came to me saying that she hadn't been able to sleep for the past 2 hours and felt very bad for letting my dye my hair again, that she was a bad mother for letting me damage my hair. for context, i've got very thick and voluminous hair which i'm proud of. she spoke like she was about to cry, and then told me she suffered a lot while watching my hair getting dyed and then will suffer looking at me everyday. this really upset me. she joined her hands and told me to please not dye again, which i promised her before all of this. look, i totally get her perspective and understand it's hard for her to watch me damage my hair ( i haven't dyed it fully. only the ends. ) and right now, she's around 50 and has hair loss and greying which she often feels sad about, so i get why it's hard on her. however since then i've had a hard time feeling good about my appearance since i'm obese, and i don't like looking at my new hair either. i feel guilty thinking of how my mom talked to me. she did it out of genuine concern, but it's triggered an episode of body dysmorphia and and i don't feel good about myself anymore. this also brought up some thoughts about how i've grown up being SA'd and almost raped by my elder cousin, and how i've told absolutely nobody in my life abt it. i thought about how if simply dyeing my hair caused her so much distress that she couldn't sleep that night then how much pain it would cause her if she ever found out how the nephew she's so close to assaulted me. i can't fathom how much that would hurt her.

when she said she will suffer looking at me everyday, i know she didn't mean it in that literal sense but it made me feel like expressing myself will only cause her pain. i've had some bad dreams over my SA and so since then. we didn't have a fight, or anything, and we've been acting the way we normally do, nothing wrong between us. but occasionally she'll look at my hair and say nothing. my mom's a great person and i love her a lot, but the conversation as a whole is just painful because of what the aftereffect is.

that's all, have a good day

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what happened. I can understand how her concerns about your hair has contributed to your body dysmorphia as well as your experience being assaulted.

As someone whose mom also had to warm up to the idea of me dying my hair, the thing is that hair grows back, so the damage isn't permanent and so it shouldn't be taken as seriously as your mom is taking it. It's possible that another reason why she feels this way is because she may, like many parents, want a sense of control over you because autonomy means you're growing up, and that can be hard for parents to accept. But it's also not an excuse to limit your freedom, especially when it comes to your body. Your body is your own and it's not up to her to dictate your bodily autonomy. She should let you have the one thing you don't hate and let you express yourself the way you want.

I also want to suggest that while I definitely see where you're coming from in terms of like, if she reacts this way then how will she react to more serious matters, they are very different subjects and so her response may be very different as well. But it is important to take into consideration how she responds to things like these so you can refine your approach when you feel comfortable having future conversations with her.

It's okay to dye your hair and you don't deserve to feel self conscious about it. I'm sure it looks great.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[dogbunni]

sorry, i'm a random, but i was wondering how your flea bombing went? i was going through the tag because i feel so alone. 😭

i've been battling my infestation for this whole summer (end of may-currently ongoing) i don't even have pets fml. it was so hard trying to get my parents to get them to believe that we had fleas in the beginning until they actually saw them jumping on my legs is when they started to somewhat care oml, but it's been me who's trying to keep everything CALM! AAAAAAGH!!!

so i was wondering if the bombs are worth it? if so, what brand did you use? because my pest service my apartment complex uses SUCKS! a completely useless company.

Ok first of all. I am so sorry. Flea infestations are genuinely fucking awful. Like almost impossible to kill them faster than they can reproduce and getting a professional treatment is very expensive, at least where I live.

The flea bombs I've been using are the Pet Expert Formula P fumers, they recommend treating the house 3 times over 3 weeks, I just did the second treatment today actually. The first time I flea bombed, I did notice improvement for the first 3-4 days, my cat was happier and less itchy and I saw no fleas. Towards the end of the week I began seeing fleas again.

Flea bombs are less convenient than other forms of flea control bc they take at least a few hours to work and you have to be out of the house while they're going off, and then air out the house afterwards to avoid breathing in the fumes. Also, you have to avoid mopping and vacuuming floors for up to 2 weeks afterwards, so you don't reduce the effectiveness of the pesticide. Which tbh I am really struggling with. Like I need to clean the fking floor what do I do 😭 But they do fog EVERYTHING*, where as other methods only target floors or pets themselves.

(*make sure all food stuffs and cookware/tableware is not contaminated with the pesticides, you don't wanna be getting that in your mouth. And wash bedding afterwards too.)

Other forms of flea control I've tried include sprays like Indorex (I found this to be almost completely ineffectual, but as you don't have any pets it may work for you?) and carpet dusts. The carpet dust I got online says it also kills flea eggs and larvae which is what sold me on it, as other flea solutions only kill live fleas, which means the eggs in the environment just begin hatching and then the cycle continues. I used the flea dust on some of my carpets yesterday, I thought I could use the dust (which needs vacuuming up after letting it sit for 30mins) to get the eggs/larvae and then kill the live fleas w the flea bomb the day after. Sadly my vacuum cleaner died spectacularly, bc fuck my life, so I can't say much abt the effectiveness of the dust yet. I'm hopeful tho.

I've also tried non-toxic flea spray which can be sprayed on surfaces, floors, upholstery, pet bedding, and even pets themselves. I didn't really see much improvement and it was fucking expensive (£7 for a small bottle) so if there's no animals in your house I'd try the other toxic sprays first.

Other methods I use are directly on my cat, he gets a spot on treatment every month from itch.pet and I give him a capstar flea pill before I treat the house to ensure the fleas are killed on him and in the environment. He also wears a flea repelling collar but I can't say it's ever done much.

It's been a constant battle. I hate to be a downer but I've been fighting this flea infestation for about 2 years now and the fleas are still going strong. I hope that the third flea bombing next week will put an end to it but I'm not like super convinced that it will. After this, I will have exhausted all methods available to me and the only option will be to get the house professionally treated. RIP my savings I guess.

I wish you the best though, since you don't have any pets I think you have a chance to get rid of them yourself, I'd recommend starting with sprays like Indorex and carpet dust (I don't have any name brands to hand for that one) I also recommend washing as many fabrics as possible on a hot wash while you treat your house, clothes and bedding can't be sprayed down but can still be infested with fleas/eggs. And follow all safety advice with products like Indorex and pet expert flea bombs. Those fumes can be nasty. Good luck! And I'll make an updated post once I've finished treating my house completely.

[aresrambles]

A Little Quiet

morpheus x gn!reader - fluff turned implied nsfw, fwb vibes, reader (18+) is in college, morpheus maybe a little ooc, deadlines (1203 words)

a/n: i've been wanting to write smth abt morpheus since finishing s1 but i've hit a writing block. hopefully this gets me going.

Read Part 2 Here

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

"Is this what has been keeping you from me?"

You head shoots up from your desk, startled by the rumbling voice behind you. 

Your head whips around only to met with none other than the King of Dreams and Nightmares, who is seemingly peering at your laptop from over your shoulder. Your cheeks heat up at the sudden proximity between you both, before you hurriedly divert your attention back to the screen, lest he catch sight of your discomposure. In this moment, your room had never felt so confining.

"Hello, Dream." You croak, pretending to scan over that same shitty paragraph you had been stuck on for the last half hour. When he doesn't reply, you carefully continue, acutely aware of the fact that he has yet to move away from you. "What are you doing here?"

"You haven't visited the Dreaming in two nights. You haven't slept at all, in three."

Oh. You had not expected the King of Dreams to have noticed your absence, let alone find you here so he could question it.  The fact of the matter was that the crunch time for this assignment had rolled around far quicker than you had anticipated, resulting in a few all-nighters and barely-there naps that you managed to sprinkle in to prevent hallucinating- though, that last part may be up for debate. Dream of the Endless has never visited you in the waking world, before.

"So now you're here?" You continue, faking casual disinterest.

He pauses at this, suddenly moving away from you. You almost wished you had kept your mouth shut if it meant that he would have remained closer for a while longer. 

"I am simply doing a welfare check. It is a... responsibility I carry."

Despite knowing your place in Dream's life, you couldn't help but deflate at his statement. Of course, he was only here to carry out his duty, nothing more. You fail to see the rigid posture that he adopted; adam's apple bobbing nervously in his throat. 

"Will you be returning any time soon?" He asks somewhat sarcastically, although it feels like an accusation. Where have you been? When are you coming back?

"That's the plan. Just after I submit this stupid paper, and then I could sleep for an eternity."

Dream's fingers twitch, steel gaze redirected to your hands as they mindlessly work to fill the word-count. "An eternity." He hums under his breath, "That is a long time, even for one such as myself." You chuckle in reply to his deep grumbling behind you, and come to realise that his presence has provided you with some sort of inspiration. The words were coming naturally to your brain, flowing through you like some sort of spirit had taken over your body. You silently muse over whether this is Dream's doing, but continue with your assignment nonetheless. Wherever this was coming from, as long as you submit the damn thing and free yourself from this torment, it was fine by you.

He remains silent until the last tap of your keyboard indicates that you had sent off your work, and then swivel around in your chair to face him.

Dream stares back at you owlishly, and it's only then that you begin to process the gravity of his being in your room, perched on the edge of your tiny bed like some sort of well-trained house cat. You force yourself to keep a straight face whilst nervously speaking up, "Well, it seems that I'm done."

"Indeed."

"I can sleep now."

"You can."

Dream does not move from your bed, infact he does not move at all, simply eyeing you as you awkwardly clamber around him and settle down on top of the sheets. You can't help but breathe a sigh of relief as your head hits the pillow, every joint in your body beginning to voice its previous discomfort. The Lord of Dreams simply readjusts his position so that he sits parallel, next to you, making no move to leave.

"Sleep. I will see you soon." He murmurs, eyes not meeting your gaze. You feel the dulcet tones of his voice rumble in your bones, and before you know it, you have succumbed to the seductive call of slumber.

When you awaken, you realise your floral cotton sheets had been traded for a more sophisticated black satin, the bedding seeming to go on for what felt like miles. The sheets wrapped you in a soft cocoon, providing an excellent shelter of warmth and quiet, even in a realm as fantastical as the Dreaming. Despite the dark, gloomy interior of the chamber, it did not feel unwelcoming. Infact, rather the opposite. 

"I find it quite ironic that one who never sleeps would require such an extravagant bedroom." You murmur, turning over to meet his gaze.

Morpheus looks at you in an expression that remains unreadable, bringing his fingers up to skim your cheek. "Welcome back." He utters in a husky whisper, and it's only then that you become aware of how silent it is here. No white noise from your deskfan, no annoying keyboard clicking, no bed creaking under your weight. Just your combined breaths, and perhaps your rapid heartbeat.

His hair is a sultry mess of charcoal, wild and stark against his skin.

His skin.

Porcelain and gauzy, you had never laid eyes on something so touchable and sheer with streaks of desire. Intense eyes, haughtily good-looking, you find yourself unable to tear your gaze away from the man in front of you.

"Do not deprive me of yourself." He commands, casting a soft echo across the chamber, though it is not harsh. "Do not punish yourself by taking leave of this place," Morpheus brings his lips close to yours, barely skimming against them before hovering just left of them. "Do not put such meaningless tasks before me." Goosebumps prick at your skin as you stare at his lips move, aching to close the gap. Every cell in your body was chanting his name, begging for it even. "Do I make myself clear?"

You can only nod, hypnotised by his every movement.

He's tying you down, smiling like a panther in the dim lighting but you cannot see past his pupils; eyes sleek like two pebbles places upon his face.

"Magnificent, you are magnificent." He's fumbling, hot breath tickling your ear. His saliva is said to have contained medicinal properties: numbing. 

You are unable to believe the tales as it seems your skin is scalding; nothing short of aluminium reacting with bromine. How a man who seems so pale and cold, can radiate such a searing heat is beyond you.

You think back to the example of your lab professor had performed back in your last year of high school. She had just burned her index finger and- Agh! Morpheus burns your neck in a similar fashion.

"You are... distracted." He hums. 

"If I don't focus on something else other than what you're doing to me right now, I'm scared I'll combust." He huffs through his nose at this, and you at first think it is annoyance. You are unable to see the smirk that graces his lips as he brings them back down to your neck, before moving them against your skin in languid motions. 

"It matters not. I will retain your attention through ways of my own."

[hajiike-archive]

((I want to write smth But What?? Like for a starter, I’m dropping my drafts))

[yooniesim]

not being in the sims community for a few years (computer problems, couldnt play) and then coming back only to see so many creators have their cc behind paywalls sure was a shock tbh. i dont blame ppl for having patreons for their cc in general, ive seen plenty of creators have patreons with all their cc for free; becoming a patron being just an optional way of supporting them. plus, im pretty sure patreon has unlimited space, so ig itd also be a good idea if u dont have/dont want to use sfs or other unlimited upload sites (also posting pics with the files is a plus)

some ppl tho are like, wild. ive seen ppl charging 20$ a month and only releasing like, at most 3 patron only things per month then complain abt their stuff being shared for free.... like, youre selling 3 items a month for 20$, which is the same price as the base game when it isnt on sale. plenty of ppl already dont pay for the game itself, do u think theyre gonna want to pay the same amount for 3 things??

yeah nonny I'm in the same boat, it was so shocking for me to come back to this lol. I never imagined this many people would have patreons. I think it wouldn't be a big deal if it wasn't almost everyone. But here we are lol.

I remember when patreon tiers were $1 and you got access to everything. When I first saw someone with $3+ it was the most expensive I'd seen for maxis match early access cc, and it really wasn't worth it for that creator. Now it seems like so many people are $5 minimum??? And sometimes you don't even get access to everything? The cost has increased drastically and more importantly- the quality isn't there.

I've had a few items that I downloaded when it became free and tested in game and went, "thank god I didn't pay anything for this". Lack of LODs or proper maps, high poly, holes, improper weights, etc. All of this to me is fine for purely free cc (as long as there's nothing game breaking). But to me, for paid cc, early access or exclusive, is unacceptable. And there is no way to know what you're going to get, and if there's a problem, you're out of luck. It may not be fixed, and you're certainly not getting a refund.

And then there's the issue of the tiny mesh edits. I know for a fact there are many people, if they knew how simple the edit was, they would never pay for certain items. I am not paying anyone for 5 minutes in blender. I would honestly rather pay for a recolor than a lazy ass mesh edit. That's more time and effort than making a hair two inches shorter. You don't even have to edit the texture, just make hat chops, and sometimes not even that! I have literally made certain hairs in under an hour and I'm not even that experienced! Separated the werewolves stuff in around the same time. I made the necklaces I posted recently in a couple lazy afternoons, like ten minutes per. Of course it added up since I did so many at once, but nickel and diming per tiny mesh edit? The ratio of time and effort vs payment is ridiculous. There are so many talented creators that do amazing work that takes days, weeks, etc for free. And there are talented creators that do really awesome items for early access as well, that seem worth the money. So when I see that sort of cheap tiny edit thing... it feels like these creators are taking advantage of the consumer that may not know better. It's embarrassing.

If that $20 was for 3 things that took the creator 5 minutes each to make, wouldn't you be even more upset? And then imagine that creator has hundreds or even thousands of patrons. And doesn't contribute anything to the community other than paid content. No interaction, no gameplay, no chat, never existed before popping out of the womb with a patreon. It's insulting. Is this community just a cash cow? And people wonder why we're all so tired, even if it's following EA's rules.

[kunikinnie]

chuuya wants to forget

BSD: Love is War? 100 Followers Event Genre: fluff, pining Word count: 1135 Warnings: mentions of alcohol, some swearing Synopsis: He may have had a little too much to drink last night a/n: I had a different idea in mind for this prompt but this song made me change me mind lol. also agh I'm really nervous abt this one but hey let's post it anyway :')

Soft rays of sunlight peeked through the gaps between velvet curtains and birds whistled happily. The otherwise pleasant morning was disturbed only by the writhing figure on the bed.

Whys and whines came from underneath the white sheets, only beginning to get louder as memories from the previous night came crashing down.

Chuuya pulled down the blanket revealing his flushed and hungover face. His eyes were glued to the ceiling as the collision with reality almost literally left him frozen in time. Was he really not dreaming? Wasn't this all just a lie? For the nth time, he reread Hirotsu's last text.

You should thank Y/N for being very patient with you last night.

He groaned. It wasn't a dream after all. How the heck will he be able to face you after that?!

Nothing beats an entire night of drinking after a difficult mission was successfully completed. Chuuya brought out his better selection of vintages for the occasion and was happily drinking away with his usual guardian company: Hirotsu.

“Bartender, a glass of water for the young man please.”

“Hey, I’m n-not drunk yet.”

The older man rolled his eyes at the redhead’s slurred comment. It’s no secret that he often drank alcohol beyond the amount his body could handle, and tonight was no exception. In fact, not an hour had passed since they sat in the bar but he was already heavily intoxicated. Thankfully though, he was in a pleasant mood – something that was rare for a drunk Chuuya.

Hirotsu lit another cigarette as he let himself relax a bit. There were only a few other people in the room, mostly low-ranking members who were already familiar with the executive’s tendencies. Yet something in him told him that it would not be quite the relaxing night one may assume from the setup.

True enough, you showed up.

“Hirotsu-san! What a surprise to see you here,” you grinned. “Came to unwind after a long week?”

“I suppose you could say that.” Internally, he had hoped you would leave as quickly as you came. It’s not that he disliked you or anything – quite the opposite in fact – but he just knew that you staying any longer would spell trouble for Chuuya and indirectly to Hirotsu himself. If you only had any idea how much effort it took to keep your image of the younger man intact-

Said man was already hunched on the table, face flat on the surface. Hirotsu only hoped he had already passed out.

“Oh? Is that Chuuya-san?”

Only a small grunt was heard as his head turned slightly.

“...is he always like this?”

No amount of deflection can save him now. “Not always, but frequently. Too frequently.”

The two of you began to make casual conversation about exploits here and there, work related or not. It was a bit embarrassing on Chuuya’s end to be treated as some sort of deadweight between two people chatting away, but at least he wouldn’t have made a fool of himself, Hirotsu thought.

Unfortunately, he spoke too soon.

“Why’re-“ Chuuya struggled to maintain a sober tone. “Why’re ya here, Y/N?”

“To relax, of course. But I’m glad to meet you here. I rarely see you, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah. I miss you too.” He took another sip of wine – well, gulp is perhaps more accurate. His reply caught you off-guard, but you tried not to think of it much since you knew he was beyond drunk.

“Don’t you miss me, Y/N?”

“Wha- I mean, I g-guess I do...”

He chuckled. “That’s good.”

The way he spoke was so different from what you were used to. His voice was much lower and his tongue rolled off so smoothly. It was strange and you knew full well that it was the alcohol talking.

You shot a glance at Hirotsu who simply shrugged.

Without hesitation Chuuya began to pour another glass of wine and drank it all in one go in spite of the older man’s effort to stop him.

“Ahh, that *hic* hit the spot.”

Again he filled his glass with more wine, drank it, and filled his glass once more. You were beyond worried for both his brain and his liver with the amount he was drinking. Will he be alright?

They say there are several types of drunk people. Regardless of whatever method of categorization you may think of, it was only on that night that you witnessed that Chuuya was all of those combined in one single drinking session.

For example, the angry drunk.

“Burn in hell, mackerel!”

Flirty drunk.

“Have I ever told you that you’re smokin’ hot?”

Sad drunk.

“Y-you won’t leave me, right, Y/N?”

Happy drunk.

“Saranghae, baby~”

And last but not the least, “sober” drunk.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” His head was resting on your chest. At that point he was already beyond salvation and didn’t even have the strength to sit up, so you did your best to make sure he didn’t collapse onto the floor.

“It’s okay. Please drink some water, at least.”

“I know this is stupid but-“ Chuuya attempted to raise his head to meet your eyes, but the alcohol forbade him from trying. You gently readjusted him in spite of the difficulty in balancing him. His body was just so limp.

“I like you, Y/N. A lot. For too long – way too long.”

Your eyes widened. Those were words you’ve been wanting to hear from him, but you didn’t expect it to be like this. “Y-you’re just drunk. Please drink some water.“

“I’m drunk, yeah, but I’m no liar.”

His voice was softer than it had ever been. His face was still buried in your chest but you could still imagine the sincerity in his eyes. Was he really...?

“So hard- it’s been so hard to hide it.” He laughed to himself in a pitiful manner. “Why did I have to... like this... you deserve more than that-“

He quickly passed out after that.

Now that the Chuuya of the current time has caught up to the last memory of the night, mistakes all so painfully apparent and undeniable, the desire to somewhat rectify the situation brought him out of bed.

The alcohol and embarrassment still stung, but he just couldn’t stay still.

If only he woke up without remembering anything at all, this might have been less agonizing. But then that would mean he wouldn’t be able to know just exactly what reckless shit he did to you (you might not have ever told him even if he asked) and apologize properly for it.

Of course, he’d confess to you properly too.

Not now, though. A hungover confession isn’t that much better than a drunk one, but at least he could prepare everything he wished to say to you.

All that was left was to wait.

[yourmidnightlover]

holding hands

never stop loving me part 2 :)

summary - after reader and spencer make it home safe and almost sound, spencer decides to show her just how much he loves her touch.

tw - smut, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (yea, ik i do this a lot), teasing?, fingering, oral (female receiving), soft dom!spencer, fluff

wc - 2,671

a/n - you could totally read this as a stand alone piece, just know that spencer is kinda in the doghouse rn bc he said mean things to reader abt her being all touchy and annoying (even tho she isn’t). happy reading 😌

masterlist

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spencer had said he was going to make it up to you.

did he know how yet? not really. would he figure out how? absolutely.

you had been rather distant after you had solved the case and on the plane ride back home. you still sat beside him, but you didn't make any move to touch him or lay your head on him as you normally would. maybe it was because you just didn't feel like it, but spencer knew better than to think that.

"do you want to order takeout tonight?" you turned towards him to ask the question.

"yea, of course we can," he agreed, his arm reaching around your body to pull you closer to him. he felt you stiffen under his touch. "are you alright?" it was his turn to look at you, you nodded up at him.

"i'm alright," you clarified, giving him a tight-lipped smile that wasn't very convincing. eventually, you settled into his arm, leaning your head on his shoulder and succumbing to the sleep you needed.

when you woke up, it was to spencer swatting away morgan's hand while shushing him.

"morgan, she needs her rest in order to heal properly!" he whisper-yelled while trying to move morgan's hand away but failing. "don't touch her, only i can!" he clarified, morgan threw his hands up in defense as he turned to sit back down.

"y'know you get more protective than i thought you would be," morgan shrugged with a chuckle.

"what's that mean?" spencer argued defensively.

"it means that princess there is well taken care of. you just don't seem like the possessive type of guy," he reiterated as he pulled out his headphones.

"i'm not being possessive," he defended himself. "i'm being a good boyfriend by not letting you wake her up just so you can ask her a ridiculous question," spencer looked down at you in your peaceful sleeping position.

you hadn't slept well in the hospital. spencer knew this because each time he went to sleep you were awake, and you would be awake when he woke back up. the night before you were in the hospital he heard you cry yourself to sleep and you woke up before him. so, in his mind, you needed as much rest as possible if you wanted to heal properly.

that, and he wanted to feel you cuddled against him as you slept for the first time in a week.

"i think it's more than that, genius," the bald man scoffed.

"what do you think it is?" spencer sassed.

"well, i think it has something to do with the fact that you and pretty girl there," he nodded towards you, "were in a fight and you missed her."

spencer sighed, "is it that obvious?" he used his free hand to move a piece of hair from your face, his hand lingering there for a second longer.

"look, kid, i may or may not have heard what happened thanks to a little someone. you should let her know how much she means to you, alright? she's probably feeling like you're doubting your relationship because of her, so make sure she knows that she's it for you," he advised his curly-headed friend.

"she's not 'it' for me, derek," spencer sighed once more. "she's my everything."

you stirred in your 'sleep' to alert them of your presence, slowly sitting up in an attempt to not hurt yourself.

"hey, princess," spencer whispered, moving that same annoying strand of hair from your face and tucked it behind your ear.

"mmm... hi," you stretched your arms over spencer so you wouldn't hit him. "how long until we land?"

"about half an hour," he informed you, whispering as the other team members slept. "if you'd like to go back to sleep i'll wake you up before we land."

"i'm alright, thank you," you smiled.

you could be mad at him while being a nice person. you just didn't know if you were ready to get over what he had said to you.

——————————

you had gone straight home after landing, permittable by hotch who saw how tired the two of you were.

both of you were laying together on the couch, you slightly on top of spencer because of your still bruised rib that slightly hurt, he angled his head down and started kissing your neck softly. your breathing got heavier, your breaths being few and far between as your hands reached back to grasp spencer's curls.

"spence?" you asked, more like whispered. he continued his actions, the only thing that signified he actually heard you being a small hum against your skin. "i-i... can we...?" you trailed off, not sure how to ask for what you wanted.

"can we what, princess?" he asked his hands reaching around to the front of your body, lightly ghosting over your bare legs.

"you know what, spencer," you huffed in annoyance as you rolled your eyes. he squeezed your thigh firm enough to know he had done it, but gentle enough to know it wouldn't leave any marks that were too bad.

"and you know better than to roll your eyes at me," he whispered in your ear, nipping gently at your lobe. "now... tell me exactly what you want."

"i want whatever you'll give me," you turned your face towards him, giving him your best puppy dog eyes before adding, "please?" you pursed your bottom lip into a pouty position.

that was apparently the magic word because as soon as they had left your mouth, you could have sworn you heard spencer growl in your ear before continuing to kiss and nip at your neck, leaving his marks all over your body. you felt his erection twitch in his pants as you whimpered from the touch of his lips on you which spurred you to grind your ass against his hips. he grabbed your hips to still their movement before sitting up with you, slowly as to make sure he didn't hurt your ribs.

"can you walk to the room by yourself?" he asked in his normal, sweet, non-dominating spencer voice, to which you nodded your head yes as you began to walk where he had asked.

you knelt by the door naked in wait for him, hoping he'd give you something to take your mind off of your injury. when he walked in, he could've sworn he felt his heart grow with even more love for you, something he thought was already impossible.

"princess, why're you on the floor?" he questioned, kneeling down to get eye level with you.

"why isn't your dick in my mouth?" you countered, a smirk growing on your face.

"i was gonna be nice tonight since you're not well so i wouldn't push it, doll," he gave you a stern look that told you to watch it. "i still have some making up to do, i believe?" your smile returned even brighter than before as he helped you back to your feet and into the bed.

once you were comfortable, he was practically worshipping your body with each kiss and hum against your body.

"i can't imagine never touching you again, y/n," he made his way down to your chest, his lips wrapping around your nipple. he gently tugged on it with his teeth before releasing it and doing the same to the other one.

"these tits," he sucked a hickey onto one of them before moving to the other.

"this stomach," he kissed all over your torso, being extremely careful of your bruises as your hands around through his locks once more.

"love the way it feels when i lay on it," he made his way down to your thighs, loving the way you squirmed underneath his touch. he hovered right over the place you wanted most and gently bit down on your thigh, your hips bucking upward subtly from the shock.

"god, these thighs," he huffed as he squeezed them once more. "love the feeling of them wrapping around my head when i'm between them."

"then how about you get between them, then?" you sighed sarcastically, your neediness getting the better of you

"so very impatient," he mocked before pressing one final kiss to your inner thigh. "but what the princess wants, the princess gets. for now, at least."

he licked a thick stripe up your slit, tantalizingly slow just to hear the whimpers that left your lips from the feeling. your hands flew to his hair, gripping it tight as he continued to lap at your pussy.

"so good, sir," you moaned out. "please don't stop. don't stop!" you cried as his lips wrapped around your clit. "uh- right there! yes!" you shouted as your thighs strained to remain still. "yes! oh fuck, yes!" you yelled as the high hit you like a train, his hands grasped your hips so they would stay in place, working you through that euphoria. "oh, thank you, thank you so much..." you trailed off, running your hands through his hair once more as he began making his way up your body, peppering kisses all around you.

"mmm, you did so good for me, y/n," he praised before connecting your lips to his in a passionate kiss. you whimpered into his mouth greedily. "someone's eager, yea princess?" he chuckled. you nodded your head as you bit your lip. "what do you want? i need you to tell me," he whispered, his hands trailing down your body once more and connecting with your sensitive center.

"pl-please," you whined, your hips bucking into his hand. "you, i want you," you informed him as if he hadn't already known.

"you have me now," he chuckled.

"no, no. i want you inside me," you pouted, your hands pulling the hair at the nape of his neck for punctuation.

"you want me inside you?" he asked as he pushed his fingers inside you, your mouth widening to form an 'o' from the surprise. "there, i'm inside you," he teased once more as he began thrusting his fingers in and out. you held onto his arm, a way to ground yourself so you could stil talk without sounding like a baby.

"your- i want your... shit... your dick. i want your dick inside me, please," you practically begged as his fingers began curling inside of you in that perfect spot.

"ohh, is that what you meant?" he asked like a smart ass, you couldn't find it in you to be a brat about it, so you just nodded your head as he worked you through your second orgasm of the night.

"yes! ohhh, fuck, yes," your hips rutted up against his hand from the pleasure. "please, please," you asked once more. "can you please just fuck me now? i want your cock..."

"aww, of course, princess," he said with a bright smile.

he got up from the bed only to remove himself of his remaining clothes before adjusting himself, lining his dick up with your center. he ran his dick through your already wet folds before slowly pushing himself inside of you, knowing you'd still need to adjust to his length.

"so beautiful, y/n," he grasped your hands, interlacing your fingers with his as he began to push himself inside you once more.

it might've been the feeling of being in submission for him, but you felt overcome with emotions. the intimacy of the moment you were sharing was more than just the sex you normally had. it was beautiful. the way he looked at you with awe each time he thrust himself back inside of you. the way you held onto his hands tightly in order to tell yourself that it was real... that he was real.

"god, i love you," he groaned as he kissed you fervently, his pace still set relatively slower than usual. "so much, y/n."

"i love- i love you," you moaned, removing your hands from his only so you could wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling his body closer to yours. "spence, spence i'm so close," you whined in his ear, which only egged him on.

"i've got you, y/n," he pulled back to look at you as you came on his dick. "let go. let go for me," he moved a piece of hair from your face once more as your mouth flew open in pure bliss. your nails dug into his back as your pussy clenched around him, bringing upon his own orgasm, spurts of his releasing covering your walls. "fuck, y/n," he groaned, burying his neck into your shoulder before you pulled it out, wanting to observe him in such a vulnerable state.

"i love you," you whispered, only him able to hear it.

"i love you," he whispered back, pressing your foreheads together as he caught his breath.

when he managed to pull out, he found a new pair of underwear and pulled them on before going to grab you a fresh pair of his clothes to wear to sleep - you liked that they smelled like him, it helped you sleep better.

"where're you goin'?" you whined from the bed, trying to sit up abruptly but only finding a shooting pain going through your abdomen.

"shhh," he whispered, rushing to the side of the bed to guide you back to laying down. his hands found your shoulders and right before he was going to release them, you grabbed his hands.

"are you leaving me again?" you asked pitifully, tears welling in your eyes.

"no, sweetheart," he furrowed his brows. "i'm never going to leave you," he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"i know... i know i can be annoying like you said and i'm working on it," you looked down at your hands, which were now in your lap. "just please be patient?"

"you don't need to work on anything," he wiped the tears from your cheeks. "i never should have said those things to you, whether or not i was upset. i'm so sorry i made you doubt yourself," you found yourself wiping his own tears away. "now let's get you into the bathroom, okay?" you nodded as he helped you get up, guiding you to the bathroom to relieve yourself.

while you were doing your business, he went and got you that change of clothes you needed and brought them to you once you were done. he used a damp, warm washcloth to clean up between your legs and made sure to wash your face for you. he helped you get changed, letting you use him as a balancing bar, and then directed you back to the bed. he rest his head on his pillow, looking over and seeing you still on your side of the bed, not curling up into him as you usually do.

"y/n," he whispered. "i know you're probably still mad at me, which is totally fine because just because we had sex doesn't mean i'm done making it up to you. but... it's kind of harder to sleep without you cuddling with me than i thought. so if you're alright with it can we just..." he trailed off.

"spence?" you asked with a giggle.

"hmm?"

"i'm not supposed to sleep on my stomach or side," you held back a laugh, knowing it would hurt. "i mean, i'm glad we're on the same page about you still making it up to me, but it's kinda doctor's orders that i don't sleep like that."

"oh..." he bit his lip, trying to keep himself from feeling too embarrassed. "right. can we hold hands while we sleep then?" he asked, acting as if he had found a loophole.

"now who's touchy?" you joked, hurting your stomach from the laughter but finding that it was worth it.

"ha-ha," he mocked. "very funny, y/n," he groaned.

"yes, darling," you joked once more. "of course we can hold hands while we sleep."

and you did.

and for the first night in a week, you slept peacefully.

taglist:

@averyhotchner​

@greenprisca​

@muffin-cup​

@emilyprentisslittlewhore

[horanghoe]

Hey it's been three days but I'm still not over wolf soonyoung 😭 you really did suchhhhhh a good job !! The whole fic was so sweet I was wondering if they ever fight ? After being in a relationship for sometime? If they do, what do they generally fight abt and who tries to resolve the fight first? 👉🏼👈🏼 You don't have to answer these if you don't wanna!!! I'm just obsessed with your fic 😭😭😭😭😭

Heyoo~

Hmm, to be honest I feel like for the most part they don't really argue. Like, I see their interactions more as loving bickering more than a full blown disagreement.

But ok let's say it does get to that point. I can see a full argument insueing when they're in each other's space too long, or Soonyoung’s pride has been questioned. Gemini men in general are fragile in confidence behind their image, so try their best to look neutral as much as possible. Or, I can see y/n as a character being upset when underestimated.

main masterlist

Two years have passed since the original chapters. You and Soonyoung had settled, lives weaved together with fine strings of fate.

But your freedom was being questioned.

Such is the role of an Omega, you supposed. But you're filled with shock and dread at the way the large table discusses your fate.

"For Y/N to be left unattended in public is against the morals of Wolves. Just because she's been marked doesn't mean she's free to travel into whatever den she pleases."

Seungcheol spoke in a calm tone. He was colder than usual today. Jeonghan oddly seemed put off to speak, observing the discussion of your position within the pack, but uncomfortable enough not to put himself in the discussion.

The last year was spent integrating into the pack. They were, for the most part, shocked by your ability to stand your own, some not realising that you were in fact turned, not born a Wolf. This caused some friction when it came to older, almost 200 year old wolves with one big snobbish stick up their assesnin terms of your rights within the pack.

Some stated you had been overstepping your boundaries. Getting too friendly with other members. Minghao and Jeonghan especially.

Seeing your old friends (of whom you had had no idea were wolves), was also adding to the heat under some people's collars. Hence this meeting was called, to discuss you as if you weren't there.

Your mate seemed sore. Unable to look you in the eye while his pulse stayed annoyingly calm. Like questioning your free will at a table of fourteen wasn't the most absurd thing you had gone through in your life.

As time went by, you found less and less reason to stay quiet, and the fear and sadness morphed into an anger that was getting harder and harder to swallow down.

One particular comment almost made your whole body tick. Well, it did.

"Not to mention y/n's heat." Vernon stated calmly. "If she exits the building without knowing it's almost time, then she'll be susceptible to other males, or even worse. In that state, she may say agree to things with a stranger that she wouldn't even think of usually."

Oh, that was beyond funny.

"Sorry to interrupt," You pierced the air around you with your voice after clearing your throat. Your voice trembled with a strength that only your mate and Minghao sat directly on your other side could pick up. Both males turned to watch you, attempting to shut you down quickly with body language. But you couldn't stand it.

"just a few things to add. For one, I'm not a feral fucking animal." That upset some heads.

"Second, I'm obviously going to try and defend myself here, but I think some of you are forgetting I was turned. Meaning I am and will always be, predominantly human-ish, over acting like a born Wolf."

Seungcheol leaned back in his chair. You were not supposed to speak here, but he acknowledged your spirit.

"And thirdly." You pierced a gaze into your mate, before turning back to the others.

He hadn't spoken in the two hours sat here and it was driving you mad. He avoided your eyes, but sat upright in his chair. He would bend his knee for you, but in front of his brothers, he was torn by moral duty.

"I do not need a bodyguard. I can say with my full heart that I'd love nothing more than to stick my heel straight into a filthy males eye socket, then beat him into the next week."

Seungcheol smiled, running his knuckles over his lips. He didn't doubt you would. But your heart was being wounded, such a discussion not natural to you as it would be a female Wolf. He could see that as clear as day.

As if speaking had filled your gauge of passion that much quicker, you rose to your feet with the slightest inclination of a bow. A soft growl rippled across Soonyoung’s throat, but there was no conviction behind it.

He didn't want you to step down, he just needed to protect his own image.

Seungcheol bowed his head in response, patient to hear your words. An upturned palm silenced Dino, the youngest member, from speaking up against such rudeness.

"I'm not sure if this is entirely a sane debate. Thirteen males, most fully indulged Alpha's, discussing a female Omega's fate. I would prompt you to look at this as it truly is; is this a debate about control, or feminism? Because I refuse to be stepped on.

"Think about your sister's, think about your mother's. And then make your decision on whether I should have the right to freedom."

There was a sadness and anger so deep, that you needed to leave before you grabbed someone by the collar.

Soonyoung was truly at a cross roads. He knew in his packs morals he should be angry that you weren't submitting to the pack's organisation or hierarchy - you had a limited right to speak here - but he knew in his heart what your freedom meant to you. In your human heart, they were discussing your freewill. But in Wolf terms, it was merely a routine check of facts.

His fingers gripped your wrist as your turned to move your chair. Pressure points against your skin that forced you to peer down at him.

His eyes spoke more than his mouth ever could, begging you to stay and listen for the respect of his family. But you were no pet.

You knocked his hand away with pain, shaking your head.

What pained you the most was that he stayed seated, until the end of the discussion. You never knew that he did so to gather everyone's opinions, see whom he would have to convince out of hours, whom was already in your court.

But as Soonyoung arrived at the apartment, high on the skyline of the city now that he had progressed as an Alpha, a pang of guilt struck him.

His entrance caused you to stick your head in the fridge. Hell, your whole body, in an attempt to ignore his presence.

He placed his keys in the bowl, shrugged off his blazer, kicked off his shoes and walked down towards the kitchen/living area with apprehension.

"Y/N..." He sighed, looking to get this out of the way as soon as possible. He had found approaching you before feelings overtook you was the best way to life. It seemed like he was a little too late. "Talk to me -"

Soonyoung jumped as you peeled back, slamming the fridge door with enough conviction to make it wobble.

"Fuck off Soonyoung." You said plainly with a deadpan expression and a sing to your voice. You turned your back to him before the volatile emotions turned into tears, instead taking a breath and pushing it into anger.

"Unless it's about the outcome of the lads feminism debate, I don't wanna hear it"

Soonyoung sighed softly through his nose, moving to grab your wrist as you moved away.

"Y/N, please -"

You grumbled, turning and shoving him back by the chest. But your tone cracked, voice betraying your force to push him away.

"Stop touching me. You've hurt me Soonyoung. The way you sat there saying absolutely nothing, doing absolutely nothing, when my life and freedom was on the line... you know what that means to me, but you just sat there!"

Soonyoung couldn't hide the sheepish smile on his face, despite your energy pooling off in waves. Anger is a secondary emotion to sadness or fear, he remembers you saying.

"Please get off me." You mumbled, face scrunching as your heart twisted. His fingers curled around both of your wrists, resisting your pull to get away. It was like you were being pulled into his orbit.

He was being kind and you hated how it made you crack. Because you weren't truly angry, but afraid. He could see through the faćade, straight into your heart.

He used his tentative grip on your arm to tug you towards him. The action threw you off balance - not expecting your mate to pull an angry you into his space - so you stumbled straight into his torso.

Your hands gripped at his crisp white shirt, trembling but unsure how to move. Soonyoung let you be for a second, before engulfing you in his arms, nuzzling his cheek against your forehead.

"I'm sorry I upset you. I do know what it means to you, and I wasn't going to watch you be limited just because of some stupid rules." He spoke in one big sigh.

A patient smile on his face as you grumbled, the conviction of a growl not there, tears streaming down your face. You shook your head, needing an output of emotion.

Your fist met his toned stomach, but it was weak. He grunted softly, nuzzling your neck.

"B-but you said nothing! Like, what the fuck!"

He smiled, kissing your cheek and holding you still as you trembled. Your voice was hot with emotions, a sob ripping across your chest.

"If that was me, i-i'd fight for you, Soonyoung! You looked like a coward!"

He thought for a second. Ahh, you had took his observational silence as a fear of speaking.

"Calm down for a second, listen to me." He prompted softly, causing a loud whine of frustration and a fist to his rib to appear in sequence.

"I was waiting."

"Fuck off Soonyoung, what shit-" Despite your trembling growl that told him you couldn't hear him right now, he continued.

"Me, Hao, Han, even Jiho-"

"All of you can do one as far as I'm concerned!" You garbled, unsure now whether to sob and collapse into him, or stand your ground and keep a distance from his chest. He smiled against your hair, nuzzling your hairline. The action caused you to whine.

"You passed the trial, they're going to let you do whatever you want." He decided to put simply, pulling back to watch your face.

You stilled, mumbling a confused "What..." before a kiss to the nose and a boyish smile caught your eye.

"Yeah, the boys - they really like you, pup." You scoffed at the pet name.

"But I thought - everyone was saying negative comments I thought -" Soonyoung shushed you, pressing his cheek against your own.

"You think too much. It was just a routine check, as you're new to the pack. If you were an asshole there's no way they would've been that lenient. But you're not, so. They were."

He glanced at your creased brow, releasing a hand from his chest to swipe at your own face and snotty nose. A tear stripped down your cheek, Soonyoung moving to wipe it away.

"I think, because no one fully explained it to you, you took it way more seriously than what it was. And got yourself way too upset in the process."

He paused.

"It's fine and I love you, Y/N. I'm sorry I didn't explain things very well. I can see now why my actions seem... cowardly. I'm sorry that I upset you."

No answer, but your cheek fell to his chest with a sigh of breath and a scoff, head shaking gently.

You were such an idiot.

[janetbrown711]

🥺 Writing ask abt eah with apple and darling "You're not a machine or- or some thing, you're a person, and I'm sorry anyone ever made you feel otherwise"

Apple was getting ready to go home for a party- a birthday party to be more specific. Her birthday party if you really wanted to go into detail. 

It was May, the beginning of summer. Not that summer truly meant much in Ever After High- it was a year-round school after all, but it did mean a little bit of time would be allotted for students to spend some time at home and relax. 

However, Apple was not relaxed- not in the slightest. It was only a little while ago Darling had broken her curse and they realized they were each other’s destined true loves. It had only been a few weeks since they started dating officially and now Apple was going to have to go home and see her mother for the first time outside of video calls since the Dragon Games. Not only that- Her mother was planning on hosting a giant birthday gala for her- and she let her invite her entire class as well as half of Ever After just for fun. 

Sure, this meant she was able to continue to hang out with her friends and be herself for at least the night, which she’d enjoy, but it also meant things could easily slip- especially if someone thought they could get something out of outing her to her mother. Darling tried to assure her no one would be that cruel, but Apple feared otherwise. Goodness knows Ever After High has no shortage of mischievous students. Kitty, Duchess, and Faybelle to name a few.

And goodness knows her mother wasn’t exactly the understanding type either. 

At least her friends would be there... and Darling. Darling usually made everything feel a lot better. Though... perhaps tonight that wouldn’t be best. She had to act like nothing happened- that she wasn’t gay. Oh god... this was going to be a long break. 

“Got everything packed?” Raven asked, a trunk of clothes levitating in dark purple magic next to her. Apple sighed and rubbed her forehead. 

“Yep,” She faked energy and enthusiasm. “All ready to go to my mom’s.” Raven cringed.

“I know it’s gonna suck, but hey, we’ll at least be here for the night. That’s something, right?” Raven placed a hand on her shoulder. 

“It... is,” Apple said. “But you know how it is. She’s all ‘follow your destiny- be popular- be pretty or else’ and blah.”

“I kinda know the feeling, yeah...” Raven sighed. “But hey, technically you do have destiny on your side. True loves kiss and all that.” 

“True,” Apple chuckled a little, going to the window and whistling for birds, who quickly went to her trunk of clothes and lifting it for her. “But...”

“I know, not that easy,” Raven admitted. “Not everyone is blessed with parents who were already destined to be evil so they really don’t care if your bi or not.” 

Apple snorted. “Yeah.” 

“You got this. And remember- if anything should happen, Briar, Darling, and I are totally willing to take you in for a spell,” Raven reassured. This did very little to comfort Apple, though she appreciated the effort. 

“Thanks,” She decided to say, though the thought that she could possibly be kicked out of her own home scared her more than when Raven decided not to sign the Storybook of Legends- which was why she was determined to keep her secret, no matter what. 

“Well- my dad’s waiting for me. I’ll see you at the party,” Raven said, checking her mirror phone. 

“I’ll walk with you,” Apple said. Raven nodded, and together they made their way down the many, many flights of stairs. The girls didn’t say much, as Raven was busy texting, while Apple was doing her best to practice her happy face before they finally reached the bottom, where Darling and Maddie were waiting for them. 

“Apple! Raven! There you two are,” Maddie beamed at them, and Raven chuckled. 

“Hey Apple,” Darling smiled giving her girlfriend a peck on the cheek. Apple smiled. 

“Hey,” She said, before scanning around. 

“Relax, the limo is outside, we’ve one last moment to ourselves,” Darling said, holding her hands. 

“We’re literally right here,” Raven rolled her eyes playfully. 

“Oh hush,” Apple rolled her eyes. 

Maddie gasped. “You kiss Darling with that mouth?” she giggled. 

“Whatever. I’ll see you two at the party,” Apple snickered, and Raven and Maddie took their cue and headed out. 

“You ready?” Darling asked, pulling Apple away from the stairs. 

“Not in the slightest,” She admitted with a pathetic laugh. 

“Hey, it’ll be okay. I’ll be right beside you the whole night if needed,” Darling said, tucking a loose strand of Apple’s hair behind her ear. 

“That’s what I’m afraid of... I want to be with you so bad, but if she were to find out...” Apple didn’t need to finish the thought. She sighed.

“I know,” Darling sighed. “Just- know no matter what I’m on your side, and what we have is very, very real, and she can’t take it away from us, okay?” Darling asked, Apple nodded, leaning and the princesses shared a quick but passionate kiss.  

“I know. I’ll see you tonight,” She said, giving her a hug, which Darling quickly returned. 

“Should anything happen, just call for me and I’ll be there in a heartbeat,” She promised. 

“My knight in shining armor,” Apple smiled at her. 

“You know it,” Darling winked and teased. Apple gave her another quick hug before forcing herself to let go and go to her ride. 

Not to Apple’s surprise in the slightest, her mother wasn’t there to pick her up, just the usual dwarf or two. The birds dropped off her luggage in the trunk of the limo and Apple took her seat. Once they started going, she immediately slumped and tried not to think as her mirror phone blew up with texts from Briar and her other friends in support and details about how great this party was going to be. 

Eventually, after what felt like an eternity of being driven, she finally arrived at her castle, and walked right inside, the dwarves taking care of her luggage for her. 

Not to her surprise once again, her mother wasn’t there to greet her. Instead, there was a table with some flowers and a single slice of apple pie (long cold by now) waiting for her, with a note that read:

“So happy you’re here my little apple dumpling. So sorry I couldn’t be there to greet you, but I’m very busy planning tonight’s party. 

Hugs and Kisses,

-Mummy”

Darling hated when her mother babied her, but she wasn’t ready to face her quite yet, so she took her mother’s absence as a mercy more than the blatant neglect it was. Apple took the pie, tossed it in the nearest garbage, before stopping by the kitchen, grabbing an apple, and heading off to her room to pass the hours away until the party. 

No place like home alright. 

Her phone was still blowing up from texts from Briar, but Apple figured she’d just wait until Briar passed out to try and answer them all- goodness knows that girl sends 50 texts that could easily have just been four, though she said it “preserved the tone that way”. She loved Briar, but she could be a lot at times. 

Apple sighed as she entered her room and flopped onto her overly fluffy bed and pondered if her mom kept any poisoned apples around so she could just skip this whole mess and wake up whenever Darling would be able to get past her mother’s guards and they could just run away into the sunset. Or if she could jump out her window and Darling could be there to catch her...

A girl could dream. 

Eventually, she just decided to scroll social media to pass the time, making sure to like any and posts wishing her a happy birthday, though deciding not to comment. Sure it was highly unusual, but she simply did not have the energy today. 

She was probably on her mirror phone for hours, when there was a knock at her door. Apple took in a deep breath, putting on her happy face, before opening and finding out her mother was on the other side. 

“Apple darling, how was the ride home?” She asked, not waiting for Apple to invite her in. 

“It was great mom,” She said, closing the door behind her. 

“Good, good,” Her mother nodded to herself, before turning and looking her up and down. “Are you wearing that to the party?” 

“No, Lizzie Hearts actually designed me this dress I’ve been dying to wear-”

“Oh, that’s good. Can’t have you turning another year older in that old thing,” She said, gesturing to her dress. Apple only nodded. 

“You excited for tonight? I’ve spent all week planning for you,” Snow grinned, going to her tablet and tapping a few things.

“Yep! Totally hexcited,” Apple gave a thumbs up. 

“You going to start on your hair soon?” Snow asked, not looking up. 

“Yep yep,” It was getting harder for her to be enthusiastic. 

“Good,” Snow nodded, turning off the device and looking back to Apple, thinking a moment before smiling. 

“You’re growing up so fast my little apple, darling,” She said. “Time really flies when you’re away at that school.” 

“I guess, yeah. Though- it’s almost hard to tell with all those tests,” Apple joked. Snow laughed. 

“Professor Rumplestilskin keeps you busy?” The queen said. 

“He’s just like you described,” Apple confirmed. Snow chuckled. 

“Older I bet, though. Goodness knows that old miser has probably only gotten worse with age, unlike some people,” She grinned. Apple nodded once more, not really knowing how to respond. 

Snow White paused. “Something on your mind, my little dumpling?”

“Nope! I’m absolutely perfect,” Apple internally panicked, quickly putting on a cheesy smile.

“Good, but do know if anything’s wrong, don’t be afraid to tell me, alright? One of the dwarves can handle it,” Snow patted her head. 

“I know, mom,” Apple really hated it when she babied her. 

“Right,” The queen nodded to herself. “Well then- I’ll let you get ready now. I really do hope you’ll like this party- All of Ever After is coming in your honor,” She said, beginning to exit. 

“Yipee,” Apple said halfheartedly. 

“Hate to go, but a few things need to be finalized. Hugs and kisses darling, see you later” Her mother blew a kiss as she headed out. 

Once her mother was out of earshot, Apple flopped onto her bed, grabbed a pillow, smushed it against her face, and groaned. 

This was going to be a long, long night. 

.o0o.

Despite everything, Darling was glad to be home. Sure, her parents didn’t exactly know about the fact she was the white knight and she had to constantly make sure Daring didn’t accidentally spill the beans, but other than that her family was fun to be around- which was more than she could say for other families in Ever After. After all, her parents knew she was gay practically from the moment she was born- as a girl “prince charming” practically set it up from the beginning. 

What they didn’t know was that she was dating Apple, meaning that Daring had failed and wasn’t Apple’s destined Prince Charming, but that she was instead. That was a secret she didn’t have to worry about Daring sharing because despite him realizing his destiny was likely with Rosabella, he was still deeply embarrassed by the whole thing. 

Still, it was an unspoken agreement between the Charming siblings not to speak a word of what happened at the dragon games- not until Apple was ready to tell her mother anyway. 

But despite all this, she was still happy to be home, as it meant she could return to her familiar backyard and practice sword fighting with her brothers in their favorite hang-out spot, where their father used to make them practice “saving damsels in distress”. It was a nice little spot that the siblings spent years building and crafting to perfection, with chairs, hammocks, some of Dexter’s favorite books, swords and dummies for practice, and a few mirrors to suit Daring’s vanity, as well as an elaborate bell system that reached back to the castle in case their parents needed them but didn’t want to go searching. 

However, the one downside of the nook was that there was terrible cell reception. 

“Darling, you have got to relax and stop stressing about Apple, the party isn’t for several hours, take a mirror and nap on the hammock. I know it works like a charm for me,” said Daring, admiring himself as he advised his baby sister. Darling rolled her eyes.  

“Honestly, I’m surprised you aren’t panicking as much as I am. I swear you and Rosabella have been texting constantly ever since the whole ‘winter in summer’ fiasco,” Darling pointed out, deciding to somewhat take his advice and sit in the hammock. 

“I took his phone while we were in the car, it was driving me insane,” Dexter patted his pocket. Darling snorted. 

“Don’t encourage him, it was rude,” Daring shot his brother a glare.  

“Alright, calm down you two,” Darling rolled her eyes. “though- if you want we can settle this the old-fashioned way.”

“Uh-uh. No sword fighting- not today anyway. Mom said we have to stay ‘clean and pristine’ for the party tonight,” Dexter said. 

“Lame,” Darling groaned, refreshing her mirror phone once more, but not getting any better results than the fifty times she tried before. 

“Darling, you seriously need to relax. Apple’s dealt with her mother her whole life, she’ll be okay for a few days,” Dexter said. 

“Easy for you to say,” Darling rolled her eyes, trying again but still getting nothing. 

“Yeah bro, don’t underestimate this whole thing. You know how the Queen can be,” Daring pointed out. 

“Okay, you got me,” Dexter huffed, putting a bookmark in and closing his book. “I’m just trying to get you to relax.”

“You know what’d relax me? A good sword fight,” Darling’s eyes shone mischievously. 

“I’m not gonna fight you- I always lose and always end up bleeding somehow,” Dexter shook his head. “Plus- mom said no fighting.”

“Daring?” She turned to her eldest brother. 

“No can do Darling. Gotta stay handsome for the party, keeps away the suspicion,” He pulled out his mirror once more, checking out his own reflection again. 

“You guys are so lame,” Darling groaned. 

“What time even is the party, anyway?” Dexter asked. 

“I think the palace doors open at 5, but that’s if you’re insanely early and-”

“-And everyone knows it’s best to be fashionably late as opposed to early,” Daring interrupted her. 

“I’m gonna go get ready,” Darling decided, swiftly getting off the hammock. 

“Isn’t it a little early to be getting ready? It’s only 3,” Dexter pointed out. 

“Mom’s probably going to make me scrub the dirt from my nails like- 50 times before the party so we’ll see how long this takes,” She sighed. “The plights of being a girl.”

“You say that like Daring isn’t right there,” Dexter snarked. 

“He makes a good point, Darling. I should be getting ready too,” He said, putting away his mirror. 

“Dex, you coming then?” Darling asked. Dexter sighed, putting his book away. 

“I guess so,” He said, and the Charming Siblings left their nook to head back into the castle. 

After that it was hours of priming and preening, Darling barely had the time to check her phone as the handmaids chatted her ears off about gossip she couldn’t have cared less about, which was made worse when her mother came in and started talking about gossip amongst the royals about who was dating who and fashion trends or whatever. Darling was hardly paying attention, having never cared about these types of things.

 It wasn’t like she disliked getting dressed up and doing her hair and painting her nails and such, it was just- when the maids and her mother did it, they hardly ever asked her what she wanted and Darling could never really get a word in on such matters. Hell- the most her mother had probably ever listened to her was when she came out, and when she begged her to let her go to Ever After High and stop being homeschooled. Other than that, she was pretty sure nothing got through, as her mom had a clear preference for Dex, and her dad had a preference for Daring. 

Whatever, she had her own way to cope. If she could just get her phone...

“Aaaand, done. Oh now don’t you just look gorgeous,” One of the maids said, placing the final touch on her dress. Darling snapped back in the moment, taking a second to admire the dress they put her in, nodding briefly in approval, quickly walking over to check her phone. 

No texts from Apple. 

She was probably just getting ready too, Darling had nothing to worry about. 

“So...? What do you think?” Her mother asked. 

“It’s a lovely dress, thanks mom,” Darling said, not really looking at her, sending Apple a quick text. 

“You teens and your mirror phones,” Mrs. Charming rolled her eyes. “I’m going to go looking for your brothers. Don’t mess up that hair.”

“Got it,” Darling still didn’t look up. Her mother sighed before leaving. Darling then thanked the handmaids for their service, then went down to the foyer to wait for everyone. 

Apple still hadn’t replied to any of her messages. Darling shouldn’t have been surprised- it was her party and knowing the queen, she was probably keeping her busy or having her change a million times. She should just... attempt to relax. They’d be at the party soon enough, and Darling could give Apple her gift and keep her safe and happy and loved. 

The gift Darling had gotten her was separate from the “family present” her parents had made for Apple. It was a necklace and a pretty simple one at that. It was gold, and had the engraving of an apple on the front, but on the back, there was a little rainbow. Darling hoped it was subtle enough and that no one would ask any questions, but she really wanted it to be special to her. 

Darling had fallen for many girls throughout the years, but it was easy to say she cared about Apple the most.

Eventually, the rest of her family came down the stairs and it was time to go. 

“You ready?” Dexter asked. Darling shook her head. 

“I’m a Charming, I shouldn’t be this nervous,” She hugged her arms. 

“It’ll be okay. You’re a lot tougher than you think- Apple too,” Dexter reassured. That did help a little. 

“Thanks, Dex,” She said. 

“No problem. Let’s just go and try to have a good time,” Dexter said, clearly trying to hype himself up too. 

“That can’t be too hard, right?” Darling joked a little, stepping into the carriage. 

“I hope not,” Dexter said, following suit, and the Charming Family was off. 

.o0o. 

Apparently, it could be that hard. 

Once they arrived, Darling was greeted at the door by some gruff-looking dwarves who grabbed the family’s present out of Dexter’s hands (Darling kept her gift in her purse) and they were formally announced to the party room before being asked to quickly move aside for other guests. Say what you would about Snow White, but she sure knew how to get things done quickly and efficiently. Darling then went to go and try and greet Apple, but more dwarves said she couldn’t greet the princess until later. She briefly made eye contact with her girlfriend, who sent her a silent distress call she wished she could answer, but alas, she had to wait and try to party with everyone else. 

Of course, it was nice to mingle with her fellow classmates, but they literally just got off of campus just a few hours ago, so outside of complementing everyone’s outfits, dancing a bit, and taking a few photos, there wasn’t much they could do. Piper and Briar did their best to keep things lively, but something about Apple being forced to sit on a throne the whole time away from everyone else really sucked the energy out of the kids, who wanted nothing more than to mingle with her. 

However, after an hour or so, Snow White allowed for the festivities to “officially begin” and Apple was allowed down, though she was quickly overwhelmed by hugs from her friends, which made Darling chuckle as she waited patiently for her turn. 

“You looked like you were going to die of misery if you had to sit there a moment longer,” Darling said as she hugged her. 

“You have no idea. My mother says adding cushions to a throne looks unprofessional so that’s just solid metal baby,” Apple joked tiredly. 

“You’re doing great, Apple. You got this,” Darling whispered. Apple hugged her tighter. 

“I know she means well, but sometimes I seriously want to strangle her,” Apple joked. 

“I know the feeling,” Darling sympathized as she let go so no one would be suspicious. Apple then continued hugging and catching up with other guests, while Darling waited steadily for her to finish. Apple finished, and swiftly- though subtly- returned to her girlfriend’s side. 

“So... wanna dance?” Apple offered. 

“Oh you know I’m a dreadful dancer, that’s not fair,” Darling shook her head as Apple grabbed her hand and dragged her to the dance floor. 

“The way I remember you totally beat Chase in that dance-off,” Apple pointed out. 

“Everyone knows Chase is just about the worst dancer ever after, and we won only because he slipped and fell off the board,” Darling rolled her eyes, but it was too late, as Apple had already gotten her near the center and began to dance. 

“C’mon, it’s fun,” Apple said, her eyes shining under the party lights. Darling sighed in defeat and awkwardly began to dance with her. Apple chuckled a little bit, but reassured her that she was doing great, and soon enough, she loosened up enough to the point that she was actually having a good time. Though of course, this became easier when she saw Apple was having a good time. Perhaps she had been worrying for nothing. Perhaps everything was going to be alright- they’d find ways to reach each other and take care and know they were loved and everything was okay and was going to be okay. 

After an hour or so, once again, the dancing was called to a brief pause, as Apple was dragged off to open her presents while the rest of the party continued, though Snow White did allow Briar, Raven, and Darling to join her. She went to her seat and began unwrapping box after box of presents, each more elaborate and fancy than the last, and Snow White hovered nearby making comments about them, thanking the families who gave them.  Books, jewelry, dresses, tea sets, and all sorts of things were unwrapped one by one, only to be quickly taken away by dwarves, and Darling felt a twinge of guilt for getting her something so minimalistic and small. 

However, after the last one was taken away, Darling took the small box out of her purse and handed it to Apple. 

“A... personal gift? That’s highly unusual,” Snow White commented, and Darling internally panicked. 

“I think it’s a sweet signifier of a good friendship,” Briar commented nonchalantly, though a bit on the nose. Apple smiled at Darling sweetly before opening it and gasping. 

“Darling, it’s beautiful,” She said, admiring the engraving. 

“Rather small isn’t it?” Snow raised an eyebrow. 

“I paid for it myself,” Darling said, trying her best not to give the queen a dirty look. Apple then flipping it over and touched the engraving of the rainbow with her fingers slowly. 

“Oh Darling, it’s absolutely beautiful,” She said softly. 

“A... rainbow?” Snow raised an eyebrow, and Apple quickly turned it over. 

“What’s suspicious about a rainbow? Rainbows are pretty,” Raven tried to defend it, and Darling realized she probably just made the biggest mistake of her life. 

“Rainbows can mean a great number of things,” The queen said, looking at Darling. 

“Rainbows are also just... pretty,” Raven continued to try, but she wasn’t as good as Briar. 

Snow White thought to herself a moment, before ordering for the festivities to continue and for the cakes to be brought out and to begin serving it to the guests. However, after saying that, she turned back to Apple. 

“Apple, darling? A word,” She ordered, walking out of the ballroom. 

“Oh god- Apple, I’m so, so, so sorry-” 

“No, Darling. Don’t be,” Apple stood. “I... I think I can handle this.”

Raven and Briar exchanged a look. 

“Are you sure, Apple?” Raven asked. 

“I... I think so. Briar, keep the guests entertained. I don’t want anyone to stop partying for my sake, okay?” She asked. 

“If that’s what you want,” She nodded, before hugging her. “Just be safe.”

“I will,” Apple hugged her quickly. 

“What about us?” Raven asked. 

“If your mother so much as raises a finger-” Darling started, but Apple stopped her. 

“I... I think I can handle this. She’s my mother, right? I’ve dealt with her before. I-i have facts and destiny on my side,” Apple said, trying to hide her nervousness. 

“Okay... if you want to handle this alone, we’ll let you. But- if you need help, but say the word, alright? Raven and I can be there in a flash,” Darling said. Apple smiled a little, before frowning. 

“I have to go... I’m sorry- she’ll get mad,” Apple turned away. 

“Good luck,” Raven said. 

Good luck. Right. 

Apple took a deep breath before exiting out into the hallway. 

.o0o. 

She wouldn’t admit it, but her heart was pounding in her chest. She was terrified to confront her mother, but she had years of pretending everything was fine under her belt in preparation for this very moment. She entered the hallway to find her mother pacing ever so anxiously in her long and elegant white dress with her usual red cape. However, once Apple entered the scene, her mother’s pacing stopped. 

“Why did that girl give you a present?” Her mother asked. 

“Because I’m important to her and she wanted a way to show that to me,” Apple replied matter-of-factly. 

“Important to her how?” Snow raised an eyebrow. Apple got a bad feeling in her stomach. She didn’t want to say- she didn’t have to-

But well...

“Important to her how, Apple?” The queen demanded. 

“W-well... you know how I got poisoned at the Dragon Games?” Apple said. 

“By the Raven girl, I presume?” Snow raised an eyebrow. 

“Mostly her mom, but kinda- that’s not important. What’s important is that it was the apple- like from our story,” She explained. “You know- the ‘true love’s kiss will break the spell’ apple?” 

“Apple, I know my own story,” She gave her a look. Apple tried her best not to crack under it. 

“Well, I was poisoned and in a coma, and Daring tried to kiss me and- well... it didn’t... work,” Apple said. 

“What? What do you mean Daring didn’t work? He’s supposed to be your destined prince, how can this be?” Snow demanded. 

“I-i don’t know- well... I do kinda know...” Apple whispered. 

“I demand an explanation,” Snow ordered. 

“Well- after Daring’s kiss failed everyone was kinda just gonna give up, but Darling was there, and she had this crazy idea, a-and... wellllll...” Apple didn’t finish. 

Snow White paused. 

“You mean to tell me that... princess broke your little curse?” She asked, seething with hatred. 

“Y-yes,” Apple nodded. 

The queen paused again. 

“And what happened after?” She said coldly. 

“W-well for awhile nobody would tell me what happened out of fear of how I’d react, until Darling eventually told be during the whole ‘snow in summer’ fiasco and well- then we... started... dating..?” Apple said that last part quieter than the rest. 

“This is absolutely ridiculous- do you seriously expect me to believe all this?” Snow crossed her arms. Apple blinked. 

“Mom- it’s the truth,” She stated. Her mother laughed. 

“That’s impossible. The Storybook of Legends would never say such a thing,” She said. “The girl must’ve simply done CPR, gotten the piece dislodged from your throat or something.”

“Mom, that’s not what happened- you know how the curse works, ‘true loves kiss’. Darling Charming is my true love,” Apple argued, getting angry now. 

“Don’t you dare address your queen with that tone,” Snow snapped. “The amount of disrespect you’ve had today is outrageous. First the complaining, then the lack of focus, then the lies? I am your mother, but I am also your queen, and I expect the utmost respect, is that understood?”

“Mom, for the last time, I’m not lying! I’m in love and am dating Darling Charming. She broke the curse and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life,” Apple asserted, tears now threatening to spill. 

“What absolute ludicrous. I will not take such blasphemy. Such a relationship is impossible. Go to your room until you’re ready to tell me the truth,” She commanded. 

“N-... No.” Apple put her foot down. 

The queen paused. 

“No...?” She asked, her eye twitching. 

“No. I’ve already told you the truth, so I’m not going anywhere,” Apple glared at her. 

“No daughter of mine would speak to me with such blatant disrespect,” Snow White was aghast. 

“Mom, whether or not you like it, me and Darling are destined for each other, and there is nothing you can do to change that. Even Principal Grimm agrees with me- Principal Grimm!” Apple exclaimed. 

“Do not raise your voice at me, young lady.” The queen threatened. 

“Then listen, for goodness sake,” Apple threw her hands in the air. “I’ve told you nothing but the truth, and you refuse to believe me! Why? For some- stupid outdated idea?” 

“I’ve had enough of this attitude- go to your room. Now.” Snow ordered again. 

Apple didn’t move. 

“I won’t ask again, Apple. Go. To. Your. Room,” She stepped forward, causing Apple to take a step back. 

“G-go ask Principal Grimm if you don’t believe me,” Apple said, trying her best not to crack. Snow slowly walked towards her daughter, until Apple was backed against a wall. The queen grabbed her face. 

“There are hundreds of street orphans far more worthy of your destiny than you are. Do not forget this.” She quickly let go, before walking away, while Apple stood there, dumbstruck. 

Eventually, her knees gave in, and she collapsed into sobs, and Darling burst through the door, and Darling immediately wrapped her in a tight embrace.

“It’s okay Apple, it’s alright, I’m right here,” Darling did her best to soothe. 

“She doesn’t believe me- sh-she said- sh-she s-sa-said-” 

“It’s okay, Apple. I know... she’s wrong. She doesn’t believe you,” Darling tried with all of her might to squeeze the sadness out of her, but nothing was working. 

“Sh-she said hundreds of o-orphans are f-far more worthy,” Apple hiccupped, and Darling’s heart broke. 

“Apple, she had no right to say that. You aren’t some... machine, you’re a human person. She had no right to ever treat you or make you feel that way,” Darling soothed, but Apple continued to cry, which she couldn’t blame her for. 

This sucked. 

“I love you Apple, you know that, right?” She asked. Apple nodded her head. 

Good. At least she knew that...

“If you need somewhere to stay, I’m sure my parents or Briar’s or even Raven’s wouldn’t mind, okay?” Darling said. Apple nodded again. Darling kissed the top of her head. 

This really, really sucked. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Apple...” She practically whispered. 

“Y-you promise?” Apple looked up at her weakly. Darling wiped some of the tears from her eyes. 

“I promise... maybe not today, or even tomorrow, but I promise, someday it’s gonna be okay, alright?” She asked softly. Apple nodded slowly. 

“Okay...” Apple rested her head on Darling’s shoulder. 

“Do you wanna go anywhere?” Darling asked. Apple shook her head. 

“I wanna stay here... with you,” She said hoarsely. Darling nodded her head. 

“I can do that,” She said, stroking her face softly, wiping more tears away. 

And she meant it. She’d stay right there until Apple felt better, no matter how long it took. Apple knew it, Darling knew it. And despite everything, that did make Apple feel a little bit better. 

She was loved. Perhaps not by her mother, but if she didn’t love her, that was her mistake. 

Her mother was wrong.

 What she and Darling had was love, and nothing could change that.