#((but is instead mostly his own lack of self-esteem and self-confidence in his appearance!))

[theheadlessgroom]

@beatingheart-bride

Oh. I didn't think I'd get this far.

"Well, uh," Randall replied, briefly rubbing the back of his neck, briefly unsure of how to proceed (having fully anticipated her to turn him down in favor of other plans) before suggesting with a little shrug, "W-Well, like I said, the, uh, the little second-run theater is playing a double bill of Dracula A.D. 1972 and The Satanic Rites of Dracula this week...h-how does dinner and a movie sound?"

That sounded like a nice, casual get-together to him-dinner and a show! There was a nice little restaurant that made the best sandwiches and gumbo in the city (and for a very reasonable price, to boot!) that they could go to, and then they could go see the movies-he hadn't seen the second half of the double bill yet, and had been pleasantly surprised to see it was playing there when he checked the paper the other day. It'd be nice to have someone to go with him...

And even after that, maybe they could go for a walk afterwards-after catching a matinee, he liked to go walking through the park, taking the sort of long way home, so to speak, being a little more leisurely in his return, sometimes pausing to take in the beauty of the world around him, sometimes stopping to buy some flowers for the house too, if he had the extra change for it. It was always a pleasant way to end a day out, and he hoped she'd enjoy herself too, if they went that route.

[vespertin-y]

SURPRISE BITCH THREE LIVEBLOGS IN ONE DAY!! this time it’s the first part of ch3′s daily life :3

-we missed the end of day nine! maki strangled kokichi, and then we cut to the next day where he takes everyone to her lab. i presume they talked maki down and then all went to bed.

-maki’s assassin cloak is sick i will not be taking questions

-”kokichi...you learned that from the motive video, right? monokuma said everyone’s ultimate talent at the beginning of their video. ryoma knew maki’s true identity because he had her motive video...and, because you saw that-” “hm? i knew the whole time. given my position, i’d obviously know before any of you, right?” “your “position”?” “oh...don’t worry about it. that was a lie.” alright, given he’s been claiming maki kills people since ch1 and this is like...the fourth time he’s said he’s already knew, i feel ok saying he’s lying about this being a lie. what’s most interesting to me, though, is the comment about his “position” - more material for my season 52 sacrifice kokichi pinboard 👀?

-”gonta, you should stand back. nothing good ever happens when you try to help.” K O K I C H I. look i understand that gonta’s version of help is mostly to fling himself onto the sacrificial altar, and also that being openly nice to anyone = being fucking murdered by the mastermind in kokichi’s head, but none of this changes my desire to WRING HIS FUCKING NECK-

-i wish monodam’s revolt against monokuma had been more of a Thing instead of a one-chapter joke. bald monokuma is funny tho.

-”but...i’m glad i’m an average citizen. if i ever had a reason to live as strong as kirumi’s...or if i ever lost everything important to me like ryoma did...if anything like that happened, i probably would’ve just cowered in a corner somewhere.” yes, yes you would.

-”kirumi...she, too, had her own exceptional beauty. a crime that was bold, yet calculated...a battle against the truth...brutally killing others for her beliefs...unfeelingly sacrificing the few for the many...and her attachment to life and determination to live! her attempt to escape was so very ugly! it was pathetic! pitiful! wretched! but it was beautiful! i had never before seen such beauty in a human being before!” SIR JUST SAY SHE’S PRETTY LIKE A NORMAL PERSON YOU ARE SCARING THE HOES. (and me!!)

-kiyo’s lab has six floors, which maybe doesn’t make sense with the layout of the rest of the school but is still absolutely sick. i’d be shaking with glee too!!

-[but...who brought all this stuff here? i suppose there’s no point thinking about it. nothing in this place makes sense.] you Could get mad about how this is an infuriating and out-of-character thing for a detective to think, and about how shuichi’s protagonist role prevents him from being the kind of proactive character we see him being in ch1, OR! or you could join me in my “the vr helmets they’re wearing literally force the v3′s characters brains to skim over things that don’t make sense, like buildings appearing out of nowhere and sentient robot bears that can teleport” theory and save yourself the trouble. (i will do whatever it takes to make this game make sense and you cannot stop me. it’s the only way i can stay sane).

-the gold katana is a cute easter egg, and another hint that the mastermind is a fangirl.

-”you don’t have a lot of confidence in yourself, do you, shuichi?” “...what?” “you lack self-esteem...and because of that, you doubt your strength. you seem more confident than before, but i can tell you still question yourself. ...well!? i’m right, aren’t i!? i can tell when my sparring partner is burdened by doubt!” “...you might be right.” “you know what works real good at lifting all that doubt!? neo-aikido!” for one glorious moment, my dream of tenko training shuichi was real, and it took the form of her flipping him onto his back so hard his vertebrae probably shattered <3

-kiiruma maintenance scene sure is a Thing That Exists! shuichi is traumatized and so am i.

-something very funny about all the reward items being slotted into/used on something to open new areas, except for the hammer, which shuichi uses to just go fuckin ham on a glass wall. (monodam even says later it was meant to be a puzzle!) it’s not damaging school property it’s ✨stress relief✨

-FTE time! they picked tsumugi! i love how genuinely angry she gets when shuichi tries to say she isn’t plain. you can take her dignity, her position, even her life...but you can never take her gimmick.

-i may not be the biggest maki fan, but watching her fucking CRUSH shuichi and kaito in training always makes me giggle. 10/10 scene. (also, shuichi does almost 200 pushups??? isn’t this only his second training session!?)

-and that’s the end of day ten! see you next time :]

[vivithefolle]

What is your opinion on the parallels between Ron and Neville, especially considering that they both suffer from drastically low self-esteem? People often draw similarities between their arcs, but it seems to me that as the book series went on, Neville gained confidence while Ron lost confidence. Am I missing something?

I think you pretty much summed it up.

You could say that Neville’s self-esteem was inversely proportional to Ron’s.

When Ron comes at Hogwarts, he’s feeling a bit defeated already, but his successes in the first book (where he kinda carries the team) and the second (where he gets a Special Award For Services To The School along with Harry) serve to build up his confidence, culminating with him getting his own wand in the third. Meanwhile poor Neville, while he stands up to Grabbe and Coyle and later to his own friends, is still seen bumbling around and being generally a laughing stock.

After the third book it’s kind of a turning point. Ron doubts Harry openly, makes a fool of himself due to Fleur’s Veela glamour and is pretty much getting slapped in the face by the narration. Neville however doesn’t get humiliated as much, and even gets to go to the Yule Ball without being publically humiliated.

In OOTP the chasm deepens. Ron is bullied horribly... and no one does a thing. Neville, meanwhile, gets McGonagall telling him he’s a great wizard and a promise of her standing up to his grandmother. OOTP ends with Neville having gotten his own wand, and Ron’s triumph over his bullies is eclipsed by his defeat at the DOM.

HBP pretty much spits on every character, even uses Luna Lovegood to convince us to feel sorry for Hermione who has assaulted her friend, and Neville is pretty much the only one to come out unscathed, because he was relegated to the background. He makes a comic relief appearance at Slughorn’s party and that’s all; he’s then here and present when it comes to fighting the Death Eaters during the battle of the Astronomy Tower. Ron is also there, but people seem to forget that Hermione and Luna did not participate much in that fight...

And DH... well, no possibility to see Neville bumbling at Hogwarts in DH now that we aren’t at Hogwarts, is there? But we are given first-seats to see Ron be moody and angry and a general ass... which anyone would be in the situation he’s in (as in, having your family/little sister liable to be executed at any moment by a corrupt government, being anaemic, and being led on a wild goose chase by an asshole who doesn’t seem to care at all about the fact that YOUR FAMILY MAY DIE THE LONGER THIS DRAGS ON), but somehow JKR insists that it’s Ron and only Ron being an asshole, case in point:

This was their first encounter with the fact that a full stomach meant good spirits; an empty one, bickering and gloom. Harry was least surprised by this, because he had suffered periods of near starvation at the Dursleys’. Hermione bore up reasonably well on those nights when they managed to scavenge nothing but berries or stale biscuits, her temper perhaps a little shorter than usual and her silences rather dour. Ron, however, had always been used to three delicious meals a day, courtesy of his mother or of the Hogwarts house-elves, and hunger made him both unreasonable and irascible. Whenever lack of food coincided with Ron’s turn to wear the Horcrux, he became downright unpleasant. - Deathly Hallows

So we have

Ron, however, had always been used to three delicious meals a day, courtesy of his mother or of the Hogwarts house-elves 

... but, um, Hermione too is used to three delicious meals a day, courtesy of her parents and the Hogwarts house-elves -

Hermione bore up reasonably well [...], her temper perhaps a little shorter than usual and her silences rather dour

Nevermind, Perfect Goddess Sue is perfect.

At the end of DH, we still remember that Ron behaved badly in the Horcrux Hunt because blah blah symbolism blah blah poor wee Harry blah blah catholicism parallels with St Peter denying knowing Jesus blah blah blah.

While Neville’s appearance as the fearless, epic Hogwarts leader is still a shock, but also a satisfying moment, especially when he gets his epic speech to tell Voldemort to go fuck himself.

... which leads many to forget that Ron did it before Neville (not that Neville’s speech wasn’t an epic, well-deserved moment of pure badassery).

"You see?" said Voldemort, and Harry felt him striding backward and forward right beside the place where he lay. "Harry Potter is dead! Do you understand now, deluded ones? He was nothing, ever, but a boy who relied on others to sacrifice themselves for him!" "He beat you!" yelled Ron, and the charm broke, and the defenders of Hogwarts were shouting and screaming again until a second, more powerful bang extinguished their voices once more. - Deathly Hallows

But people will mostly recall Neville’s speech. Because it lasts longer than Ron’s simple “he beat you” and Voldemort actually reacts to it, actually holds a conversation with Neville, while Ron’s scream is... mostly ignored. Even his breaking of Voldemort’s Silencing Charm doesn’t impact much, because another, stronger Charm is immediately put in place moments after.

The way Neville and Ron kill their respective Horcruxes is very different, too... Neville does it in an epic moment of badassery, set on fire and everything, and takes the sword from the Hat itself, mimicking Harry’s actions in Chamber of Secrets. It’s a pure, unadulterated moment of epicness, and nothing can taint its sheer badassery (especially if, like the rest of us intellectuals, you ignore everything JKR has tried to establish as canon after DH). Ron, however, kills his affiliated Horcrux as an act of... eugh... redemption over leaving Harry’s side (even though it was clearly the smartest thing to do since the dumbass didn’t even manage to destroy the Horcrux while Ron was gone, so here’s your proof that Harry and Hermione absolutely do need Ron because they’re incompetent nincompoops). Ron killing the Horcrux can’t be called triumphant or a victory, no matter what idiots blabbering about symbolically destroying his inferiority complex try to say - because yeah, symbolism is nice and all, but it’s not because Ron gets a symbolic victory that he’s miraculously cured of it, but hey who cares Ron can’t possibly have a mental illness cuz he’s not Harry haha!!

... Excuse me. I’m still bitter over... things.

Ron’s defeat of the Horcrux isn’t a triumph like Neville decapitating Nagini is. He’s humiliated in front of his best friend, whose opinion he bases most of his self-esteem upon. His dirty laundry is aired for Harry to see. And finally, when he destroys the Horcrux, he is left crying in the snow with Mr Emotionally Stunted for company.

How. The fuck. Do you call that. A victory.

Ron’s killing of the Horcrux is bittersweet. It’s only Harry and Ron, isolated in a small clearing, in the snow. Ron doesn’t get the sword from the Sorting Hat itself, which may make some people think it hasn’t been won properly, even though Ron displayed bravery (jumping into a frozen pond in the middle of winter) and chivalry (rescuing Harry) to obtain it, and Ron pretty much spends the whole time being terrified (of the thing that psychologically tortured him but hey, since when do we care about Ron’s feelings) then apologizing to Harry for leaving (and Harry accepting those apologies when HE TOO OWED RON SOME FUCKING APOLOGIES BUT NAH HARRY POTTER IS TOO SPECIAL FOR THAT).

While Neville’s killing of Nagini is nothing but badass, badass, and re-badass, with loads of people to witness it. It’s epic. Neville obtains Gryffindor’s sword “”“properly”““, by taking it from the Sorting Hat. And naturally, there’s nothing about Neville “redeeming himself for his betrayal of Our Lord And Saviour Harry Potter” to taint that success.

Yeah... at the end of it all, Ron is... not fine. Him “symbolically destroying his inferiority complex” is just fucking that, a symbol. But it doesn’t mean he’s miraculously cured his insecurities and all. It doesn’t mean he’s stopped being horribly fucking depressed. It doesn’t mean he’s not traumatized. But I forgot only Harry’s traumas matter (and Hermione’s, to a lesser extent... what am I saying, Hermione doesn’t get trauma, trauma is for losers, like Harry).

Neville is slowly but steadily built up in the background through the series (huh, kinda like Ginny... wonder why more people won’t point that out). His failures are so commonplace, and usually more in the realms of “accidental fuck-up” than “feeling offended and fucking up because of it”, that it’s hard to be angry at him. Meanwhile Ron’s failures feel more personal, because he’s so important to Harry and Harry takes Ron’s disagreements with him as personal attacks like the idiot fuck he is.

So, while Neville gradually gets stronger in the background, Rowling brings Ron down a little more in every book, because as the books go on she can’t bear to have Harry and Hermione fuck up, so Ron has to do all the fucking up so she can pretend the other two are perfect instead.

[blucmoon]

━  ☾ ⊹  ( gabbi garcia, cis female , she/her ) say hello to ALTHEA CORTEZ, the TWENTY FOUR YEAR OLD that seems to have a lot in HER hands with HER job as an EVENT PLANNER! beyond that, they seemed METICULOUS AND GENEROUS upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of VOLATILE AND STUBBORN though. SHE seems to live in a SHARED VILLA in SIARGAO, PHILIPPINES. anything else to add? oh, yeah! she also LEFT EVERYTHING BEHIND IN VANCOUVER FOR A JOB OPPORTUNITY IN THE PHILIPPINES!

basic information

full name: althea cortez

nickname(s): ally, thea

age: twenty four

date of birth: december 2, 1996

birthplace: makati, philippines

hometown: vancouver, canada

current location: siargao, philippines

ethnicity: filipino

nationality: canadian

gender: cisfemale

pronouns: she / her

orientation: demiromantic, heterosexual

religion: agnostic

education: graduated high school, various courses at a community college

occupation: event planner

physical appearance

faceclaim: gabbi garcia

hair colour: naturally dark brown, has never dyed it in bold colours. the most she’s done is getting some blonde streaks upon arriving at siargao but soon got bored of them and dyed back to a color similar to her natural one.

eye colour: chocolate, does like to wear coloured contacts when going out or on special occasions.

height: 5 ft 6.5 in (1.69 m)

weight: 132 lbs ( 60 kg )

tattoos: none yet.

piercings: standard and upper lobe in both ears, helix on the left ear.

personality

label: the restless

positive traits: meticulous, ebullient, outgoing, loyal, generous, helpful, ambitious,

negative traits: volatile, conflict-averse, fluctuating self-esteem and confidence, secretive, reserved, quick-tempered.

hobbies: calligraphy, baking, swimming, hiking.

habits: talking to herself, drumming fingers on every surface, chewing the ends of pens, flicking pens/pencils/anything between her fingers, doodle on the corners and margins of her planner, humming when listening to music, tapping her feet when she’s impatient, rubbing her neck when she’s nervous, tugging loose threads when she’s anxious, not listening to others when she’s deep in thought.

zodiac sign: sagittarius sun, leo moon, virgo rising

mbti: esfj-a “the consul”

temperament: sanguine

hogwarts house: ravenclaw

moral alignment: chaotic good

anger: hot

approachability: friendly

sociability: loves being around people, feeling most energized when she’s having deep conversations about topics that interest her. one to not let the conversations die and always finding ways to either continue or spark a new topic, getting so involved in this that she often loses track of  time. she’s easily bored if not involved in social activities and dislikes solitude. it’s not unusual to feel as if you’ve known althea for years after the first meeting as she welcomes everyone with open arms and loves making people feel seen and heard.

detailed personality

restless, cheerful and friendly, althea will happily involve anyone into whatever interest she has or will give up her free time to be engaged in the things her beloved ones are interested in. generous with her time, effort, and emotions, she often takes on the concerns of others as if they were her own, and will attempt to put her energy to help others, eager to please and provide.

secretly, althea needs approval, recognition and admiration; she wants to be seen. goes out of her way to notice what is needed and feels even more motivated when others acknowledge her efforts and express their appreciation. though, sometimes she’s so focused on others that she lacks to pay attention to her own unmet needs and feelings.

however, she’s selective with her friends and is not overly influenced by them. when she feels comfortable, she does like being the center of attention. that is, she likes being in the “spotlight” in the comfort of her own home and with family and friends. enjoys entertaining others and is more able than most people to get others talking, simply because she’s very receptive and sympathetic with an innate ability to pick up others’ feelings and body language.

althea possesses an unwavering ambition: once she’s set on a particular path, she’s not coming back until her purpose is fulfilled. likes to get things done and has a knack for handling a wide variety of tasks at once; a tendency to take on perhaps too much at the same time. very easily distracted and her attention span can be quite short.

doesn’t have an inherent love for routine and established anything’s, but does recognise its value and purpose when it comes to be productive. she’s learnt to be a little more organized and does prefer to stick to certain plans, mostly when it comes to her job due its nature. easily gets stressed when things don’t meet up to expectations. althea sees problems clearly and is able to delegate easily in order to solve them. likes a sense of harmony and cooperation around her, and she’s energetically dedicated to her responsibilities.

able to adapt quite easily to wherever she’s in and, with an outstanding memory, she tends to pick up a lot of information from her environment to facilitate this. althea can be brave, knowing how and what risks to take. she’s able to bend the rules from time to time if she feels the need to do so.

can be a challenge to predict from time to time, even by the closest people to her. can seem very loyal and steady for a while, but althea has a tendency to build up a store of impulsive energy that explodes without warning, taking her interests in bold, new directions.

has always had problems expressing herself, particularly verbally, and much prefers to listen to others than being listened to. whatever she might say is self-censored to some degree. it’s difficult for althea to pour out her emotions because she’s always aware of what others might think of her with what she says, not wanting to accidentally come across as tactless and judgmental. very careful with what she reveals to others.

she can get easily wounded, and when this happens, her emotions are not contained as she “wears her  heart on her  sleeve” but will more often than not avoid burdening others with her own problems and concerns. instead, she likes to channel these dramatic and vibrant emotions into one of her multiple hobbies, mostly baking (she stress-bakes).

to avoid feeling a deep sense of loneliness, she finds ways to connect and be of service to others. she has an innate sense of what to say or do for people to feel seen and admired, taking pride in her ability to comfort and support others. she’s constantly moving away from feelings of worthlessness and towards feelings of connection and appreciation.

background

born as the middle sibling out of the three, althea and her family moved from makati to vancouver when she was almost one year old due to a job opportunity presented to her father.

had a really average childhood with all the pressure being poured onto her sister, five years older than her, and pushed to become the example of the other two. all the while her brother who’s only 2 years younger than althea clearly became the unspoken favorite. being the middle sibling was easy most of the time. so long she didn’t do any extraordinary things, neither good nor bad, althea was able to remain below her parent’s radar.

regular high school experience: neither remarkable nor reprobatory grades, a “steady” friends circle (as much as it can be when a teenager), dated a couple of times, part of the swimming team. by junior year, college never figured in her plans (or the lack thereof).

her parents didn’t quite like the idea but after getting help from her sister who talked to them, they didn’t complain as long as she got a job or helped her mom with hers (she was a seamstress), which is what she ended up doing.

it comes as a stroke of luck when her mother gets a call asking if she could help fix a bride’s dress at the wedding’s venue. her mother, quite busy at the moment, sent althea instead and she quickly fixed it before the ceremony started.

about to depart, crisis after crisis started presenting and it was obvious they were a little understaffed (althea learned a couple of years later that two of the assistants got sick on that same day).

with a little bit of free time in her hands, althea offered her help. by the time every crisis had been averted and she was ready to leave, the event planner took notice of her and offered to become an assistant in her company. at nineteen, thea takes the job.

the company is not as big as many others but still renowned enough to have a steady income of clients and at least one event every couple of weeks. thea was pretty much an errand girl at first and they often sent her to take courses or workshops to learn and hone some skills. (calligraphy, flower arranger, hospitality, etc. she even took an event planning course that went for 9 months, successfully getting a certificate.)

eventually, her opinions start being taken more and more into consideration and she takes more of an active role in the planning process. at twenty one, thea planned her very first wedding (a small one, no more than 50 guests).

she pours all her energy and time into this new phase of her job, loving every second of it and thriving for the compliments she got after every successful event. weddings were mostly her niche, she even planned her sister’s wedding; it doesn’t come as a surprise that she announces the engagement with her college sweetheart, it was actually quite expected. (her parents even implied more than once that they were taking too long).

it’s in one of her events, a birthday party for some socialite, that thea meets the guy that would become her boyfriend for the next two years. despite being surrounded by wealth and pretentiousness, he was unlike any of his peers: sweet, attentive, decent and didn’t pride himself on his parents’ money. it was quite easy to talk and be with him, thus they started dating shortly after.

her life seems to be perfect in every aspect: a good job, more than decent income, a healthy relationship with her boyfriend… her parents couldn’t find anything to complain about… for now.

it’s at the peak of her career as an event planner, that her parents become more and more insisting on questioning her about her status with her boyfriend. “after planning so many weddings, shouldn’t you start planning your own?” asked her mother, which thea always dismissed or ignored to avoid any fights.

truth is, even if weddings were a prominent aspect of her day to day, being a bride and going through the whole ceremony wasn’t something she saw happening in the foreseeable future, and her boyfriend seemed to be on the same page… or at least it was an unspoken thing between the two.

it’s the day before her 23rd birthday that she finds by mistake a ring box in her boyfriend’s apartment. knowing exactly what it meant, thea cracked the box open, finding the most beautiful engagement ring she’s ever seen. and it made her feel sick.

putting it back in its place, the whole night thea acted as if nothing happened despite the emotional turmoil she was going through.

when getting home, the first thing she did was try to find an email from one of her friends who told her about some camp in the philippines that could use an event planner. finally finding it buried deep within her inbox felt like all the answers to her problems were in those couple of lines.

in the middle of the night and with a dire need for adventure, thea left with a bag full of her belongings and all of her savings after booking the next flight to the philippines.

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

Sparkling People and The Cinderella Moment(Aoyama Yuga x Reader)

Summary: After some cruel rejection from a group of mean guys at the UA dance, you’re surprised to be saved by an unlikely sparkly hero.

Aoyama needs more love! He’s so underrated it’s criminal! And I personally think he’s adorable and oddly sweet. Plus this is inspired by my own experience at prom, nobody teased me, but I wished that someone like Aoyama had asked me to dance since I did my hair, face and make-up but… never got a dance, but oh well, I got inspiration and this is for my sparkly boy! 

AND I SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO AOYAMA TODAY!! MAY 30th! Happy Birthday to our Aoyama! 

BTW SORRY FOR ANY OOC-NESS!!

There’s some angst in here though, especially self-image issues, inspired by my own self-image issues and I honestly kinda cried a little bit writing this.

Featuring: Our Sparkly Boi!!

I wasn't even goin' out tonight But, boy, I need to get you off of my mind I know exactly what I have to do I don't wanna be alone tonight, alone tonight, alone tonight

Look what you made me do, I'm with somebody new Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger Look what you made me do, I'm with somebody new Ooh, baby, baby, I'm dancing with a stranger

-Dancing With a Stranger by Sam Smith ft. Normani

Dances are another form of torture for people. 

At least that’s what you always thought. Since dances put pressure on all students in a school and it was a pure double-edged sword. If you don’t go to a dance, you’re a loser who has no friends and supposedly doesn’t want to socialize, but if you do go then you’re just like everyone else and all you’ll do is blend in and not stand out at all. 

And the more you thought about it, the more you started to ask yourself.

What the hell am I even doing here?

Hearing that UA was even having a dance was still surprising to you, and you initially didn’t think about going, but since you were in Class 1-A, it was more or less expected of you to go even if they weren’t your thing. The girls were so excited, even though you didn’t understand why. 

But…

They were pretty. All of them, even froggy-looking Tsuyu, pink, alien-esque Mina and the invisible Hagakure. Unlike you, your female classmates were beautiful and you kind of hated them for it, but you never said it. You felt bad that you resented them for that, but you couldn’t help it. 

So many guys were asking them to dance, all but you as you just watched them all get asked with bitterness in your (E/C) eyes. You did so much to yourself, even brushed your hair and got (reluctantly) got Mina to style it for you, and you chose a rather beautiful dress from the store. At least, you thought it was really beautiful because it was just your style, it was your favorite color (F/C) and rather comfortable as it defined some of your assets such as your (B/T) waist and bust. Hell, you even wore fucking make-up, eye-liner, lipstick to make yourself look a little bit prettier for tonight. All the work you did on your appearance and this is what you got, but you should have known better than to expect anyone to notice.  

At least you could sit around and watch everyone else dance. You told yourself that in a poor attempt to comfort yourself as you sat at a table, like a few others who were either bored, uninterested or too anxious to dance. And you were oblivious to the fact that you had some guys actually looking at you, including one of your classmates.

But you were extremely surprised when a boy did approach you, he was a shy-looking fellow and you were confused because you were all alone at the table. What made him approach you? 

“Say, uh… what are you doing by yourself? Not feeling up for dancing?” He asked you politely, and you blinked in confusion. You were pretty sure it was obvious why you weren’t dancing, but for some reason a semblance of hope was making you look at this person curiously. 

“I’m… not much a dancer…” You admitted with a small smile and shook your head, and you tried not to smile more when this cute person grinned shyly and chuckled, “Ah me neither, but you know… you’re really pretty…” He said to you with a sweet-looking smile, making you blush and widen your eyes slightly.

Did a boy really call you pretty? This couldn’t have been real. You felt like it couldn’t have been real when one of the guy’s friends came over to him, “Hey, so you did find a girl to dance with huh?” He asked cheekily, looking at you and smirking, “Oh… a pretty one… dude…” The guy playfully punched him in the shoulder, seeming impressed and amused at his friend. 

You let yourself feel flattered for a minute, did this guy also think you were pretty? “Don’t fight over her you two! Or else I’ll take her from you both!” A third guy showed up and winked at you as you blushed even more and couldn’t conceal your grin.

Unbelievable, you were actually being complimented by boys and for once you felt happy, and confident that you had garnered some attention from the opposite sex. You were so happy that you almost didn’t see their own grins as they stared at you.

“T-Thank you… all of you… I-I can… try to dance though… if you want, I really don’t mind…” You nervously said with a bashful grin, looking at them with joy in your eyes. However, you focused on their expressions as you saw one of them starting to snicker and the second boy seemed to be barely holding in his chuckles. And then you noticed some other girls, who weren’t your classmates, starting to snicker in your direction, which confused and disheartened you a little bit.

“Oh… no thank you… we’re good… we don’t really dance…” The first boy who approached you said, which fueled your confusion. At least until his second friend jumped right in, “We dance… but… mostly with cute girls like your classmates. Frumpy girls aren’t our type…” Your smile slowly started to fade, didn’t they call you pretty? You heard them, but then their laughter combined with the laughs of the other girls made your heartbeat speed up once you had figured it out. 

They were just playing with you. 

Yet, it still hurt you as disappointment started swelling in your chest and it suddenly became hard to swallow as it crept up your throat and your eyes became misty with furious, humiliated tears that you refused to let show. All you could do was breathe heavily through your nose, seething quietly and not saying a word. 

They continued to snicker and laugh with each other, many of them grinning at you and one boy even pointed at you. “She’s so pretty isn’t she?” The one who approached you smiled at you, but it was out of pure amusement. He wasn’t shy at all, he did that to embarrass you. 

“Too pretty to dance with…” 

“The Cutie Hero.” 

The boys and the girls all laughed at the jokes they made, not meaning a word they said when they called you ‘pretty’ because they were all laughing at you. “Ha! Yeah right… Yaoyorozu maybe, but not this one… you gotta be thin and sexy for that. And you need to have the face to be a cute hero.” The third and nastiest boy said, and you clenched your fists tightly as your face started to turn red in embarrassment and anger.

“Look how red she’s turning...!” A girl laughed as you inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to avoid using your quirk on these assholes. But there was only one thing that kept you from smacking them silly, and it was a bitter truth that you had known for a while only to have it thrown in your face tonight.  

You were the ugliest person in the whole school. 

Nobody would ever find you desirable or ever want to be seen with you because you lacked the good looks that your female classmates had. And you knew it because they were all dancing with guys that had asked them to dance and looked happy to, while you were left behind and had these assholes bother you and remind you of how ugly you were.

This was a big mistake, and you couldn’t stand seeing everyone else dancing without a care in the world while you just sat on the sidelines, willing your glossy eyes to not let any tears fall. Rejection hurt you worse than any attack from villains. This pain lingered and just tore what little else you had left of your self-esteem, self-image and overall look at yourself. 

So you turned away sharply from the snickering, grinning boys and girls, and you kept your head down and immediately headed for the exit. And you ignored some of the glances you were getting from your classmates, but before you could get out as quickly and discreetly as you could, you grunted a little bit once you bumped into someone. 

Gasping, you widened your tearful eyes and you were beyond surprised to see Aoyama of all people, and yet he was smiling at you even though you bumped into him. But the truth was that he deliberately got in front of you to keep you from leaving. He had been sitting at a table alone like you had been, and he had noticed how you dressed up tonight and showed off the beauty he saw in you, which is why it broke his heart when he saw what those boys had done to you. It made him sad, and it made him mad that they toyed with you like that, and after that he decided that he wasn’t going to let you run off in tears and feel miserable over those jerks.

“S-Sorry Aoyama…! I-I didn’t see you… I-I’m so sorry…” You mumbled nervously, averting your eyes and hating the moisture that had snuck out and you had to wipe it away quickly to avoid crying in front of a classmate. And to avoid smudging your make-up, even though you just wanted to wipe it all away and never use it again after tonight…

“Do not apologize. Although… I am surprised you did not see me, because I am wearing my best suit for tonight, and it sparkles beautifully non~?” He didn’t seem mad or annoyed with you at all, and instead kind of bragged about his admittedly shiny and well-tailored suit. It was so glittery, and yet it was really nice you had to admit that to yourself.

He was always an odd one to you, but not a bad person at all. Aoyama seemed pretty decent, a bit proud and vain, but nothing compared to Bakugou. Aoyama was nice, and fairly pleasant in many of your interactions and brief conversations with him. Which is why you felt bad now that you didn’t notice him… 

“Y-Yeah… you look really good… w-wow that is… a glittery tux… I like it though…” Despite how sad you were, you smiled at him and complimented him, unaware of how bad he felt for you. He knew a fake smile when he saw it and understood hidden sadness and masked insecurities all too well.

He chuckled a little bit, “Merci mon ami… but what about yourself? Your dress is lovely, and your hair too.” Aoyama made sure to compliment you, especially after what those jerks said to you. But he could tell it didn’t seem to do much for you as you kept your fake smile on. While you knew Aoyama wasn’t a liar at all, you couldn’t be so sure if it was pity or honesty he was giving you. “Thanks… I’m not really too sure about that… the other girls are much prettier… I just… didn’t want to look too much like a troll tonight since this is a dance...” Now he frowned, and you were surprised since Aoyama didn’t frown often.

But he smiled shortly afterwards, shaking his head, “Troll? No, no, no… do not compare yourself to such a thing. It is true… our other female classmates and male classmates are appealing in their own ways. But… don’t let their sparkle outshine your own~. Because you have a sparkle that shines every day, I can see it, like I see it tonight.” Aoyama said to you sincerely, but before you could even react, the princey-looking boy then offered his hand out to you, “Two sparkling people such as us should dance together, don’t you think?” He asked you politely as you widened your eyes slightly…

Was he asking you to dance? Oh God…

You didn’t think he was faking it though like the other boys, Aoyama wasn’t like that, but it didn’t make you any less nervous because you were worried that you would screw it up with your godawful dancing skills. And you were also kind of worried about what the other boys nd girls would think, and what they might say if they saw you dancing with someone else. What if they decided to torment Aoyama too? You couldn’t live with yourself knowing that they would make fun of one of your friends because of you.

But you didn’t want to rudely turn Aoyama’s kind offer down, so you reacted without thinking and shakily brought your hand out, which he gently took and placed his other hand over your shoulder.

“B-But I… I can’t dance…” You stammered and trembled ever so slightly, extremely nervous now that your hand was over his. This was perhaps the first time you’ve ever touched someone else and it sent little tremors throughout your body from the unfamiliar but not unpleasant touch.

Aoyama’s smile turned softer though, “Don’t worry, just follow my feet, and don’t worry about how you move. Dancing is dancing, your rhythm is your own. Let your body move the way it wants~.” He said to you in a tone that sounded so dulcet and sweet in your mind, because no one has ever spoken to you like that before.

As he started to dance with you, you looked down at his feet to follow his lead and nervously at him, feeling your cheeks darken and heat up with nervousness and bashfulness. His hand felt a little cold, but warmer now that he was touching yours, which sent rapid beats to your heart as you trembled slightly even as you managed to follow his lead and didn’t even realize that you were dancing.

He smiled with a little chuckle, but it wasn’t at your expense. He was happy that you had gotten the hang of it as you found yourself smiling. Aoyama wasn’t making fun of you or faking his smiles, not tonight at least. Sometimes you knew he was faking his smiles to conceal something heavier on his mind, it was something you had been familiar with, so you knew when someone was hiding sadness by smiling. 

With every step, you followed him, and the music allowed you find the rhythm. It was a little bit clumsy on your part, but Aoyama didn’t seem to mind, because it was your rhythm and he thought it was endearing and just you. 

“There! You’ve got it now~.” He sang-songed as he gave you a little twirl, making you giggle and grin a little bit when you were pulled back in. Somehow, you didn’t even need his hand to lure you back into him, and it felt so strange, but you couldn’t deny that you felt happy, almost secure and not alone in this moment with Aoyama. 

It was true, he was still something of a stranger to you since unfortunately, you two didn’t know each other that well, but you were still on good terms. Maybe you were both somewhat strangers to each other, yet here you both were, dancing with each other without a care in the world to the catchy music. Neither of you saw your other classmates pausing to see you dancing with Aoyama. It was quite a spectacle to them, since you weren’t known for your bright smile nor was Aoyama known for being so openly sweet and on the spot. After all, his classmates didn’t notice him often, but they were seeing him now, dancing with you and looking the happiest he had been in weeks, along with you. They had never seen you like that.

“Look…! Ahhhhhh!” Mina practically squealed while the rest of the girls had to smile and grin warmly when they saw just how… happy and bright you looked. “That’s SO romantic!” The pink girl swooned with her hands clasped together, kind of proud that the blondie she defeated in the Sports Festival had found somebody to dance with and get close to. 

“(L/N)… she looks so happy. So does Aoyama…” Among the boys, Midoriya appeared the happiest when he saw his good friend dancing with his other friend. He knew you fairly well, and you didn’t seem like the most cheerful person in the world, so he was a little ecstatic to see you smile like that. And Aoyama, whom he also knew pretty well, he knew that he was good at hiding his feelings and started learning when his smiles were either real or fake. The one he had the entire time he danced with you was all too real.

And it was beautiful.

For once, you were happy, but this felt like it was real, and not fake like earlier. No, you were actually happy where you were. Dancing with a classmate you didn’t know as well as you were hoping now, but it was so wonderful.

You couldn’t help but give a small laugh of glee when you were spun around and underneath the bright lights. The two of you outstretched your arms before coming back into each other with bright smiles and flushed cheeks as you both shared little giggles. So, this is what it felt like to sparkle…

However, when the two of you started to slowly dance, Aoyama leaned in closely to whisper to you, “Those boys and girls who said those things are dull imbeciles. Ignorant to what real beauty is and unimportant. Don’t listen to them, people like that do not deserve to be listened to. Anyone who does what they have done do not deserve to be listened to.” Despite his somewhat offended tone, his voice was laced with gentleness as you widened your eyes ever slightly. Dancing with Aoyama made you forget all about those guys, and the sadness crept into your heart again, which your partner noticed as he placed a hand on your shoulder.

“You look beautiful. Not just tonight, every other day.” He smiled at you again, and the sadness slowly started to escape when Aoyama’s sincerity scared it away and was replaced with hope as you looked surprised and extremely touched with every meaningful word coming from this… beautiful boy. These weren’t sweet nothings; these were words from the heart. 

Happiness mended your heart that had been broken tonight, and it was thanks to Aoyama. Even though, the insecure part of you was still doubting, “Aoyama I… thanks but… are you sure about that…? I mean… I’m not really fair… or skinny… or rich… or as successful as others are…” You listed many of your flaws, and insecurity started sneaking up on you again, until Aoyama shook his head with a chuckle, “I am sure… because you are not the ‘others’. You are you. And you are perfect as you are. Make-up, no make-up, rich or poor, dress, no dress… you are still (Y/N). Sparkling and beautiful (Y/N)~.” You swore you saw him blushing a little bit and even kinda of shyly looking away when he started talking about how beautiful you were.

Your eyes were wide and your cheeks became rosy pink, you knew there was no way he was lying. And then you felt your heart starting to beat as you gulped quietly. Somehow the disappointment you felt in your heart completely disappeared, and was replaced with an overwhelming sense of euphoria, anxiety and excitement? Whatever these feelings were, it was because of Aoyama…

Before you could even speak, you stared him deep in the eyes and reacted out of pure impulse as you suddenly lurched forward to his lips… only for you to completely miss and bump your nose right into his cheek…

“Oooooh…” Mina cringed along with Midoriya and Uraraka when they watched your epic fail of a kiss…

“OH!!” You both pulled away and threw your hands to your nose in pain, “Ohh God…” You groaned deeply and you could hear Aoyama’s own pained little moan, “Oh my GOD I am SO sorry… I-I don’t… I don’t…” However, your entire face started turning red from embarrassment which got worse when Aoyama chuckled rather nervously.

“N-Non, non! I-It’s okay… I uh… didn’t expect that but… in the same token… I’m actually, extremely flattered that you were going to kiss me~.” Despite the pain in his cheek, Aoyama still sounded flirtatious as he winked at you, and your blush only darkened. Yet, you didn’t feel so embarrassed knowing that he was flattered.

“Hee-hee… golly… I like, totally ruined the Cinderella moment…” You shyly giggled that off, almost unaware of the snickers coming from the same assholes who had made fun of you earlier. But they shut up when Aoyama gave them a look, and then turned to smile at you. “No… not ruined…” He said gently, and this time he leaned forward and slowly to give you a soft but sweet kiss on your lips as you felt yourself getting flushed with joy and butterflies fluttered in your stomach at the feeling of someone else’s lips upon yours for the first time. But it felt so right that you didn’t flinch or turn away as you held his face as you kissed him back. 

Those boys couldn’t say a word anymore, and you could hear Mina and the girls squealing happily for you as you felt truly at bliss in the arms of your Aoyama. Who was once a stranger to you, was now your new Prince in Sparkling Armor and you didn’t feel so alone anymore.

[carefreetrainerjules]

TIMELINE/STORY

- Age 10 -

10 years old was an important age for young trainers and that they could take the first step into choosing what they wanted to be. Many chose to be Pokemon Trainers, Coordinators, etc. while others chose to be Pokemon Breeders, Doctors, etc. Growing up in Hoenn, Juliet was a massive fan of Pokemon Contests and try to attend as many rounds as she could with what her parents would allow. Shining brightly on stage with Pokemon, she wanted nothing more than to stand on the same stage with her future Pokemon standing behind her as they brought smiles and laughs to the audience watching them.

She begged every day to her parents to let her pursue this path, but due to money problems and lack of faith from her parents, she never got to see this dream realized. To give her parents a little bit of credit, it’s not that they didn’t want her to pursue what she wanted, but in their eyes, being something other than a Doctor was financially unpredictable so it was a case of parents doing what was best for their kid.

- Age 11 -

Juliet spent a year deciding what she really wanted to do if being a Pokemon Coordinator was out of the question. She knew in her heart that she wanted to have a Pokemon team of her own, which is then she entertained the idea of being a Pokemon Trainer. Her parents wouldn’t have to spend money on costumes, and she’d have the freedom to explore her region to the fullest all on her own. It took a lot of convincing since her parents were over-protective, but seeing as how they couldn’t support her dream of being a Pokemon Coordinator, they thought it was only fair to let her try to be a Pokemon Trainer.

With new found support and confidence at finally being able to do what she wanted, she received her starter Pokemon who would go on to be her companion for life and best friend - a Mudkip who had been disowned by an abusive trainer, whom she named Hajime. Needless to say, he didn’t behave well, either ignoring commands or lashing out angrily when she would scold him lightly. But, she kept her cool and was patient with him. After all, they weren’t that different from each other. They both knew how it felt to have people not believe in them. So, they spent weeks bonding as a Trainer to Pokemon until slowly, Hajime was able to shake off his disobedience and follow commands. He eventually evolved into a Marshstomp and then a Swampert, and by the time they reached the Elite Four, Juliet developed a strong bond with her team that consisted of Swampert (Hajime), Flygon (TIki), and Pikachu (Odin). It was pretty unconventional to have a small party of Pokemon for the Elite Four, but she believed they were strong enough to overcome the odds and they trusted her in turn for believing in them. This was her way of proving to her parents that she was strong and that she could prevail if they just believed in her.

And they succeeded. After a close battle, she had become Champion of the Hoenn region, much to the delight of her family and friends. But above all else, she was the most proud of her Pokemon - they were the reason she was able to get this far. But the initial glamour of being a Champion didn’t last very long.

- Age 12 -

Her rise to Champion was mostly positively regarded, but it was hard to ignore the people who accused her of cheating or showing off because of how many Pokemon she used and how young she was on top of it to pull it off. She has always believed that it’s not how many Pokemon you have, it’s how you use them that matters, but that didn’t stop the naysayers from twisting her words in a way where it sounded like she was calling those who had a full team were weak or not smart. Her family, friends, and people who were her fans tried to remind her to not listen to what they had to say, but every challenger she beat who wanted to take her title made her feel defeated instead of accomplished. Keep in mind, she’s still a kid. Any kid on the cusp of puberty is already so vulnerable to comments that bring their self-esteem into question. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t take it anymore. Not only was she being doubted, but her Pokemon by extension were feeling it too and she didn’t want them to feel awful anymore because of her. She unsurprisingly lost and lost her title as Champion.

She thought she was finally free of being under the spotlight, but her loss still brought about comments saying they were glad there was a new Champion and how glad they were that she was ‘finally put into her place’.

Juliet spent weeks isolated in her room and she would refuse to come out even if her friends wanted to invite her to play or her relatives were visiting. Especially with family, she always dreaded questions of what her plans for her future were, or telling her to suck it up and move on. She didn’t know if her family would actually say those things, but in her wallowing of self-pity, that’s what her mind thought. The only company that she allowed was her Pokemon, because just like her, they were feeling depressed as well.

The only one who was able to bring her back to her normal self, was her aunt, who invited her to travel with her around the world. Her aunt was one of the few family members who supported her unconditionally and always looked out for her happiness. Travelling brought back her carefree spirit, but it wasn’t enough to dispel the doubt in her heart that showed itself every now and again.

- Age 15 -

Over the three years of travelling with her aunt, Juliet eventually started to travel on her own but not before at least repaying her aunt back by helping her around her inn in Lavaridge Town in Hoenn for a few months. She earned quite a bit and set off on a world-wide journey of self-discovery. During her travels with her aunt, she learned to be independent and self-sufficient, which made it easy for her to adapt to the wild life in between towns.

- Age 17 -

Juliet was joined by three more travel friends and companions who were from Kanto and Johto. During their travels, they participated in many tournaments at the Battle Frontier, Battle Subway, Battle Tree, etc. Her love for competitive battling came back, but not to a point where she thought about pursuing greater heights like becoming Champion again due to her anxiety over the outcome of what happened when she was younger. She had thought about becoming a Pokemon Coordinator like she wanted all those years ago now that she made a decent living through her winnings, but she wasn’t quite ready to be in the spotlight after all these years.

Her Pokemon team eventually filled out with Chandelure, Decidueye, and Sylveon, on top of her Pikachu evolving into an Alolan Raichu during her time in Alola.

- Age 19 -

Her friends traveled to the Galar region after hearing about the famous Wild Area, a huge untouched stretch of land in the middle of the region that flourished with different habitats and ecosystems of Pokemon, but riddled with these markers called Power Spots. They had a basic idea of what Dynamaxing was and that activated Power Spots housed wild, Dynamaxed Pokemon that trainers could challenge themselves against in an event called Max Raid Battles.

After completing a few, and seeing how there were countless of Power Spots still scattered all over the massive Wild Area, their mutual excitement over Max Raids gave them motivation to stay in Galar much longer than when they stayed in other regions. Juliet jokingly created a Pokegram account as a means to document their Raids, which unexpectedly blew up with supporters and followers all over the world. On one hand, it made her happy to see the sheer amount of support people had over their teamwork and synergy, but on the other hand it made her afraid that people from the past would catch up with what she was doing to ridicule her. Luckily, no such thing happened but there were a few trolls and the like who insulted their strategies or would personally insult one of them - but now that she was older and had close friends who had her back, it was easier to dismiss the negativity that came their way. They were just having fun and it made them even happier knowing they had fans who were having fun vicariously through their streams and recordings.

They eventually named their team, Prism.

- Age 20 -

Their booming popularity caught the attention of Professor Magnolia, who specializes in the Dynamax phenomenon with her grand-daughter Sonia. In order for her to strengthen her research into Dynamax and Gigantamax, Magnolia hires the group to be her field researchers, where they’re tasked with sending her specific Pokemon or Pokemon that are capable of Gigantamax. As a result of their new job, they settled down in neighbouring flats in Wyndon.

Since the Pokemon that appear in Power Spots are random, they don’t spend time in the Wild Area for days on end, which means they have days in between of free time. As a result, Juliet works part-time at the Battle Cafe as a Barista to fill in her days off and oversee the Cafe Master’s battles. Over her time at the Battle Cafe, she has lent an ear to the troubles and struggles of her customers to the point that regulars refer to her as the ‘Cafe Therapist’. She’s not too fond of the title considering she doesn’t have any formal training as a therapist, but she let’s it slide because she finds comfort in knowing that people trust and rely on her enough to talk to her about their bad days. She also saves her tips for any trainers and kids who can’t afford a drink or snack so she can treat them.

The culmination of self-doubt, lack of confidence, low self-esteem, etc. molded her into a trainer with a caring and generous heart who just wants everyone to know that there’s someone out there who is always looking out for them and wants them to be happy. Carrying other people’s burdens is her way of coping with her own insecurities. Even though she is happy to be in a place where she’s financially secure and is making a positive impact on people’s lives, it might take a bit more time until she can look at herself in the mirror and say, “I’m proud of how strong I’ve become”.

[zaharrine-blog]

really ridiculously detailed character stats.

FULL NAME: Zacharie, originally Zachariah Lévesque, but he abandoned that name many years ago. NICKNAME(S): Zach, if he knows you well enough; That Motherfucker AGE: Late twenties, exact age unknown. MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE: ESTP-A BIRTH DATE: Unknown, Cancer season. ETHNICITY: French Peruvian. PLACE OF BIRTH: The French countryside, before the world ended. GENDER IDENTITY: Nonbinary male ( dmab ), but doesn’t really put a label on it. PREFERRED PRONOUN(S): He / they. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual. RELIGION: N/A. OCCUPATION: The traditional items merchant needed in every video game. FACE CLAIM: Canon.

RELATIONSHIPS.

PARENTS: Both are deceased. He doesn’t talk about them. SIGNIFICANT OTHER(S): Verse dependent. CHILDREN: None. LEVEL OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCE: Definitely not a virgin. STORY OF FIRST KISS: secret :^)  A SOCIAL PERSON? Sort of. HOW DO THEY THINK OTHERS PERCEIVE THEM? Nothing more than a merchant; he may appear as extroverted, but he doesn’t reveal much about himself and treats everything like a business, so he doesn’t believe anyone has any reason to think anything else about him. HOW DO OTHERS ACTUALLY PERCEIVE THEM? Mysterious, a little intimidating at times. Many want to know more about him but whenever they ask they tend to be met with silence or a swift change of subject.

PHYSICAL TRAITS.

EYE COLOR(S): Dark brown, almost black. HAIR COLOR(S): Black. HEIGHT: 5′10″ WEIGHT: 197-ish lbs. BODY BUILD: Broad-chested and broad-shouldered and pudgy around the belly / waist. GLASSES? CONTACTS? Neither. STYLE OF DRESS/TYPICAL OUTFITS: Casual. He alternates between a white T-shirt with a red heart symbol on the front, and a white turtleneck sweater with the same symbol. He either wears black jeans, or black baseball-esque pants with dark socks pulled up to his knees. Dark brown boots at all times. Never seen without his toad mask on, and occasionally his cat mask. JEWELRY? TATTOOS? PIERCINGS? None. ATHLETIC? Not really. HOW DO THEY WALK: Casual, hands often in his pockets. He’s got a confident walk, but not too showy. HOW DO THEY SMELL LIKE: The smell of sugar and ash clings to him constantly, much to his disdain. He does what he can to mask the scent, usually with whatever flower-scented perfumes he might be able to dig up. WHAT’S THEIR POSTURE LIKE? Not the best, but he doesn’t really slouch too much - but he often isn’t standing or walking at his full height.

PHOBIAS AND DISEASES.

PHOBIA(S): lol MENTAL ILLNESS(ES): Schizoaffective with that sweet, sweet PTSD. PHYSICAL ILLNESS(ES): Unknown illness that often leaves him fatigued, bleeding a black oil-like substance from his nose or coughing and throwing it up frequently. Possibly brought on by constant exposure to smoke and sugar. WHEN WAS THIS DIAGNOSED? all undiagnosed babey!!!!!!!!!!

INTELLECT.

LEVEL OF EDUCATION: He was never able to go to school, so he mainly just taught himself. He’s extremely intelligent and clever, so lack of proper education was never a problem for him and he had no trouble doing his own studying. LEVEL OF SELF-ESTEEM: It fluctuates; he has more self esteem when it comes to specific parts of himself ( like his ability as a merchant, his charisma, his ability to persuade almost anyone ), but he struggles with self esteem regarding his appearance -- his mask isn’t just to hide his face and everything he dislikes about it, of course, but that’s part of it, and his usually baggy clothes aren’t just worn because they’re cozy. GIFTS/TALENTS: Charismatic, persuasive, and damn good with a sword. Not to mention the fact he can literally grow a giant pair of wings whenever he wants to. SHORTCOMINGS: Greedy and often, unintentionally, insensitive. Doesn’t like going to others for help and would prefer to solve his own problems by himself, and doesn’t like talking about them in the first place.

STYLE OF SPEECH: A mix of both eloquent and casual. Sometimes he emphasizes on sounding too formal for laughs. “LEFT BRAIN” OR “RIGHT BRAIN” THINKER: Right. ARTISTIC? When he has the chance. MATHEMATICAL? Yes. MAKES DECISIONS BASED MOSTLY ON EMOTIONS, OR ON LOGIC? Depends on the situation. MOST SENSITIVE ABOUT/VULNERABLE TO: His face, to the point where if you try to remove his mask and he isn’t comfortable with you like that he might physically lash out. Hates being confronted with the fact he bottles up his emotions instead of dealing with them in a healthy, productive way. OPTIMIST OR PESSIMIST? He might seem optimistic, but he’s more than often a pessimist. EXTROVERT OR INTROVERT? Extrovert, with some introvert qualities.

DETAILS/QUIRKS.

NIGHT OWL OR EARLY BIRD?: Goes to bed late, wakes up early. LIGHT OR HEAVY SLEEPER?: Heavy, when he can actually fall asleep. FAVORITE FOOD: He doesn’t have one, there isn’t much variety in the zones anymore when it comes to food. LEAST FAVORITE FOOD: Again, he can’t be picky when the zones lack much variety in food. COFFEE OR TEA?: Coffee. CRUNCHY OR SMOOTH PEANUT BUTTER?: Smooth. LEFTY OR RIGHTY?: Ambidextrous. FAVORITE COLOR?: Red and yellow. CUSSER?: Yes, but not heavy. SMOKER? DRINKER? DRUG USER?: Doesn’t smoke cigarettes, sometimes drinks, regularly smokes weed. PETS?: None, and he doesn’t view the Judge as his pet either, just a very good friend.

TAGGED BY: stole it... from someone i tagged... on another blog :y TAGGING: all of you. do it

[rkjoohyvn]

NAME  bae joohyun NICKNAME  baechu REASON FOR NAME her last name, and a play on the word for napa cabbage BIRTHDAY  march 29, 1996 AGE  23 GENDER  female PLACE OF BIRTH  sydney, australia PLACES LIVED SINCE  from birth to 12: sydney, australia / present: seoul, south korea PARENTS’ NAMES, BACKGROUNDS, OCCUPATIONS

father: bae hyungki, 56, professor. was the lead singer and guitarist in a band in high school and college; eventually ended when all the members grew older and had families to take care of. owned a music shop in sydney, but had to close it down due to slow business. instead, became a professor in music at university of sydney. when his father had a stroke, he moved his family to seoul, where his father lived with his korean wife, so that he could help take care of the aging man.

mother: jin yuna, 49, flight attendant. a former beauty queen, she and yuuto met at a college party as the only two sober people in the entire frat house. they’d spent the entire night talking until the sun rose. after retiring from the pageant circuit, she became a flight attendant for qantas airlines, eventually transferring to korean air after the family moved to seoul. she is currently estranged to yuuto and his family due to having been cheating for years and having a second family.

NUMBER OF SIBLINGS ( 1 )

abigail bae ( jooeun ), 28, announcer. originally meant to be the “big name musician” of the family, she relinquished that burden after finding she could not sing, and hated the way the guitar calloused her fingers. instead, she became an announcer, and is currently employed by sbs as a morning newscaster. she is engaged to jeon baekho, a hospital director. they both live in hannam-dong, yongsan-gu, seoul.

OTHER IMPORTANT FIGURES

family pet: dubu, 11, pyrenean mountain dog. he was a gift to joohyun from her father on her eleventh birthday. she singlehandedly took on the responsibility of feeding and training him, and has loved him all the while. tofu is getting quite old now, and has become blind in one eye due to cataracts.

grandmother: jin okbin, deceased. a tough but loving woman, she helped raise joohyun and jooeun whenever her mother was away because of work. she helped instill confidence and morals into joohyun, and would support joohyun’s every whim, from vowing to become the prime minister of australia to wanting to reincarnate as a rock. jin okbin passed away in february of 2004 without ever discovering her daughter’s infidelities.

RELATIONSHIP WITH FAMILY  joohyun was very close with her family until she discovered that her mother had been cheating on her father for years and that she has a whole other family they never knew about; she is currently unsure of how she feels about her mother---she misses her, but doesn’t want to admit it. she moved back into her father’s home, partly because she could no longer afford rent on her own, but also to help take care of her father, who had fallen into quite the slump. although the experience had been a tragic one, she, her father, and her sister have become even closer than they were before.  HAPPIEST MEMORY ( 2005 ) her father brings dubu home for the first time / ( 2006 )  began taking hip-hop lessons / ( 2015 ) accepted into k-arts CHILDHOOD TRAUMA ( 2004 ) her grandmother passed away ( 2018 ) discovered her mother’s infidelity and lies

〈 PHYSICAL 〉 +

HEIGHT  162 cm / 5′2″ WEIGHT  50 kg / 110 lbs BUILD slim but toned, athletic NATIONALITY  australian ETHNICITY  korean DISABILITIES none COMPLEXION  clear & bright; a small tattoo on her upper left ribcage of australia ( x ) FACE SHAPE oval DISTINGUISHING FACIAL FEATURES large eyes, downward facing lips, facial symmetry HAIR COLOR  naturally black USUAL HAIR STYLE  down, no bangs, natural off-center split EYE COLOR  dark brown GLASSES? CONTACTS? none STYLE OF DRESS/TYPICAL OUTFIT(S)  very casual and laid back, t-shirts that are too big, distressed denim, boyfriend & bomber jackets TYPICAL STYLE OF SHOES sneakers, flats HEALTH  in good health, athletic GROOMING  typical five step korean skincare routine, showers before bed ACCENT? australian accent when speaking english, very slight accent while speaking korean UNIQUE MANNERISMS/PHYSICAL HABITS running fingers through hair, or playing with it in general; standing with hands on hips, nearly toppling over when laughing too hard ATHLETIC? yes; used jogs every weekday morning, do taekwondo every monday, tuesday, and friday nights; after getting signed she no longer jogs every morning, but works out at the gym and dances for hours; she continues to attend tkd lessons on saturday nights

〈 INTELLECT 〉 +

LEVEL OF EDUCATION  graduated high school in 2015, currently on leave at korea national university of arts LEVEL OF SELF ESTEEM previously 10/10; currently at about a 5/10 due to being surrounded by such talented people, but is slowly building it back up GIFTS/TALENTS singing, tap, hip-hop dance, guitar, taekwondo SHORTCOMINGS  a short attention span, too impatient for theory STYLE OF SPEECH  can be abrasive and blunt, very casual, curses a lot LANGUAGES fluent in korean, english, and japanese “LEFT BRAIN” OR “RIGHT BRAIN” THINKER?  right brain ARTISTIC? yes MATHEMATICAL? barely MAKES DECISIONS BASED MOSTLY ON EMOTIONS, OR ON LOGIC?  emotional NEUROSES  perfectionism LIFE PHILOSOPHY  "work hard, play harder.” RELIGIOUS STANCE  barely christian CAUTIOUS OR DARING?  daring MOST SENSITIVE ABOUT/VULNERABLE TO  lack of creativity; that she can’t write her own music; family is her biggest weakness OPTIMIST OR PESSIMIST?  optimist EXTROVERT OR INTROVERT?  extrovert LEVEL OF COMFORT WITH TECHNOLOGY  basic knowledge of technology; knows how to use her devices effectively but doesn’t know what to do with them if they were to stop working

〈 RELATIONSHIPS 〉 +

CURRENT RELATIONSHIP STATUS  single SEXUAL ORIENTATION  heterosexual PAST RELATIONSHIPS

( 5 ) nearly gave her father a heart attack when she came to him with stars in her eyes, yelling “dad, i’ve got a boyfriend!” the furthest they ever went was calling each other by boyfriend and girlfriend,, and held hands once. the infatuation ended when preschool did.

( 16-18 ) perhaps it wasn’t the greatest idea to date the lead singer and lead guitarist of the band, but she’d thought it was real. unfortunately, their relationship ended when the band did, and no one really knows whether or not it was because they broke up.

( 19 ) met at an inter-university meeting where there were instant sparks. for weeks, it was passionate and amazing and it was like fireworks every time, but after a few months, it all began to fade. they went separate ways after breaking up, and haven’t spoken since.

LEVEL OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCE  relatively inexperienced STORY OF FIRST KISS  she was at a friend’s birthday party and they decided to play a little game. the spin of a glass bottle decided the fate of her first kiss, and it was gross. he’d tried to stick his tongue in her mouth and that earned him a slap across the face. STORY OF LOSS OF VIRGINITY  instant sparks are a hard thing to ignore, and she’d given herself to him after meeting him for the first time that night. it had been awkward at first and painful, but it was passionate and exciting. he was the first and only person she’d ever been with in such an intimate setting. A SOCIAL PERSON? very MOST COMFORTABLE AROUND (PERSON)  jinyoung, mason, nana OLDEST FRIEND  mason HOW DOES HE/SHE THINK OTHERS PERCEIVE HIM/HER?  in admiration of her skills and talents, respect for her take-charge attitude HOW DO OTHERS ACTUALLY PERCEIVE HIM/HER?  probably as someone overbearing, can be bossy and mean-spirited

〈 VOCATION 〉 +

PROFESSION   dog daycare employee, student trainee PAST OCCUPATIONS  working at her father’s music store PASSIONS  singing, dancing, guitar ATTITUDE TOWARDS CURRENT JOB  proud of how she achieved trainee status, but still overwhelmed by everything ATTITUDE TOWARDS CURRENT COWORKERS, BOSSES, EMPLOYEES  she looks at all her sunbaes with stars in her eyes, especially the girls of eclipse; she follows all the rules and regulations given to her by coaches and trainers, so they probably have a positive impression of her; she doesn’t believe she’s on katie lee’s radar yet SALARY  below minimum wage and thankful for free food and rent from her father and sister

〈 SECRETS 〉 +

PHOBIAS  losing her family, dying as an unknown LIFE GOALS  to be able to provide for herself and take care of her father in his old age DREAMS  to become a household name GREATEST FEARS  failure MOST ASHAMED OF  her weaknesses MOST EMBARRASSING THING EVER TO HAPPEN TO HIM/HER  fighting with her ex-boyfriend on stage and breaking up and crying about it in front of a small crowd COMPULSIONS  playing with her hair and/or any jewelry she’s wearing, talking over others, giving advice even when it’s not asked for OBSESSIONS  music, old rock bands, records, MYNAME SECRET HOBBIES  nothing secret SECRET SKILLS nothing secret, though most don’t know she’s a skilled tap dancer/4th degree black belt PAST SEXUAL TRANSGRESSIONS none? CRIMES COMMITTED   trespassing WHAT HE/SHE MOST WANTS TO CHANGE ABOUT HIS/HER CURRENT LIFE  she wants to debut! WHAT HE/SHE MOST WANTS TO CHANGE ABOUT HIS/HER PHYSICAL APPEARANCE  nothing at all~

〈 DETAILS &. QUIRKS 〉 +

DAILY ROUTINE ( AS OF JAN 2019 )

kt’s trainee schedule can be found here

taekwondo lesson on saturday nights

family time on sundays

NIGHT OWL OR EARLY BIRD?  a little bit of both LIGHT OR HEAVY SLEEPER?  heavy sleeper FAVORITE FOOD dad’s bulgogi with hanwoo beef LEAST FAVORITE FOOD  bitter foods FAVORITE BOOK   the maze runner series LEAST FAVORITE BOOK  text books lol FAVORITE MOVIE  the marvel cinematic universe/disney movies LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE  none she can think of FAVORITE SONG  80′s rock bands/pop songs LEAST FAVORITE SONG  none she can think of COFFEE OR TEA?  tea CRUNCHY OR SMOOTH PEANUT BUTTER?  crunchy TYPE OF CAR MOTORCYCLE HE/SHE DRIVES 2004 honda cbr600rr LEFTY OR RIGHTY? right-handed FAVORITE COLOR  red CUSSER?  yes SMOKER? DRINKER? DRUG USER?  drinks, but usually not too heavily BIGGEST REGRET  wasting two years of her life in a band in high school PETS?  dubu, her 11-year-old pyrenean mountain dog VOTED most likely to become famous

[starlight-movement]

Character Profiles: Hometown Friends of Shintaro

(All Character designs featured are not final. Profile pictures currently made with Picrew)

Name: Folley Martina

Age: 32

Occupation: Owner of Dragon Burger and Suds

Folley is the owner and manager of Dragon Burger and as such, is Shintaro’s boss. She had worked for an unspecified company prior to opening Dragon Burger and due to her work, has a bit of knowledge of weaponry, and several forms of martial arts. Her most regular of customers always find a way to flirt with her in an attempt to win her over, but not one has managed to do so. A challenge that all the employees of Dragon Burger have dubbed “ The Trial of the Dragon Queen”

Shintaro’s constant talks about the Grail Cites to the regulars and how tired they seem to be of it would have made him loose his job long ago, but Folley refuses to let the young man go jobless as she’s much aware of the fact he lives alone. Any new customer who tries to tell Shintaro off about his thoughts of the cities above not only will face Folley’s wrath but that of all the regulars. 

She sees each of her staff members as her own children, and doesn’t wish to see anything bad happen to any of them. 

Name: Kaz Sonne

Age: 17

Occupation: Waiter for Dragon Burger, High School Student

A shy and soft spoken young man, Kaz lacks a lot of self confidence which made applying for work a struggle. Folley noticed the sheer desperation in his eyes when he applied to be a cook for the restaurant, and instead of granting him the chef role she encouraged him to be a waiter to help improve his self confidence with constant customer interaction. 

Kaz, despite working with the restaurant for a full year before the events of the story start up, still struggles a lot with his low self esteem. He admires how fast and easily Shintaro can go to talk to others, even if it’s about the same subject each time and as such looks up to him for advice. 

Name: Don Roseway

Age: 28

Occupation: Landlord for the Creakwood Apartment complex

A lax gentlemen, Don is Shintaro’s landlord and acts as his father figure. Since Shintaro is his only tenant in his mostly forgotten about complex, he gives Shintaro free reign of the whole area to better suit his needs, with the agreement that his unassigned rooms are cleaned in the event that another tenant does appear.

Shintaro’s parents are unknown and as such, Don acts as his parental substitute along with Folley should anything at school go awry. Don doesn’t push rent down Shintaro’s throat as he and Folley are in close enough contact to work out a solid agreement. 

Name: Kyle Douglas

Age: 24

Occupation: Karaoke Panda Owner

Kyle Douglas is the owner of Karaoke Panda, a regular hangout location for Shintaro and Koda. Having opened the location just a few months after graduating from collage, Kyle is very proud of the reputation his Karaoke bar has as a safe and fun place for teens and young adults. 

He much like Don and Folley, cares a lot about Shintaro and offers what advise he can about life. He’s the one who always encourages Shintaro to pursue music as a career although he’s strongly against missing education just to gain that edge on others as he values a strong educational standing above all else.

Name: Reggie Skies

Age: 35

Occupation: Unknown

A regular at Dragon Burger, Reggie seems to have a bit of a past that connects with Folley as the two act familiar with eachother more so then any other regular she gets. He’s one of the very few people that will actually engage Shintaro’s constant rants about the Grail Cities and provide a secondary insight, but seems to almost always get cut off by Folley before he gets to deep into the conversation. 

Everyone else who goes to the restaurant enough, refers to Reggie as “The One-Eyed Tiger” and seems to hold just as much respect for him as they do for Folley herself. 

No one knows where he works, or how his past and Folley’s connects. 

Name: Kari Meroi

Age: 15

Occupation: Waitress at Dragon Burger, High School Student

A regular at Karaoke Panda as well as Shintaro and Kaz’s co-worker, Kari is hugely into music, tending to follow whoever is the biggest star at the time. Given she hangs out at the same place Shintaro does when not at work or school, she has heard her fair share of songs performed by the older teen. 

When the meeting of Clover happens, Kari is present and hears all of the plans that follow for Shintaro to form a rebellion group guised as a music group. She proposes to play her part in gaining support by forming the group’s official fan club, and with the aide of Folley, Kaz, Don and Kyle...they manage to earn money to help support the group’s cause moving forward.

Reggie, as an outlier, doesn’t completely believe that Shintaro’s goal is as easily achieved as he thinks it is, and tries to offer as much advise as he can despite the other’s constant objections to his suggestions for preparing weapons, and training in as many fighting styles as he can. 

They all support Starlight Movmement as it’s first few fans and try to gain the group more notoriety by advertising the group in their businesses and making them known via word of mouth. 

[the-depressed-shiny-buneary]

Next Gen Kids and Color Theory

While looking at color theory for fun, I couldn’t help but noticed the colors I picked for the kids and how they match their personalities. Here’s what I mean.

Ashley’s main colors are yellow and orange. Yellow representing optimism and orange representing encouragement. Orange is a mix of both red and yellow, thus giving a exciting, warm and enthusiastic vibe, similar to how Ashley acts. Orange is also the color of an extrovert, Ashley happens to be extroverted. Orange also stimulates appetite, a reference to her love of eating. The downsides of the color orange can however include insincerity, exhibitionism and self indulgence. Ashley is insincere about how she feels, often saying she’s fine when she really isn’t, she doesn’t give attention to herself in an extravagant way but she self indulges herself with food (we can all look to her father Ash Ketchum for that). Meanwhile the color yellow conveys youthful energy, as well as being uplifting and illuminating like the sun. Ashley is energetic, she gives others help by uplifting their spirits. My intentions for Ashley’s color scheme was simply because of how Serena was shown in Florges like clothing and her daughter should be represented in a similar way but with Floette. The shades of orange she would wear would be Peach and Amber, peach encourages great communication and conversation, it fits as she’s an extroverted girl that can talk to anyone, peach inspires good manners and puts people at ease, referencing to Ashley bringing up others when they feel down. Amber inspires greater confidence and better self esteem, she’ll mostly wear that color when she gets more confident or to help her boost her confidence. The color of yellow she’d wear would be Cream as it encourages new ideas, Ashley’s always planning ideas for performances for her Pokemon but the color also indicates a lack of confidence and a need for reassurance, both things Ashley has.

Grey’s main colors are grey, black and white, basically monotone colors which fit his monotone behavior. The color grey is dependable and practical, both traits Grey has as he’s the oldest of the kids and is mostly looked up to for advice or information as well as the most down to earth. As grey is a mix of the colors black and white, it shows how he’s balanced in both traits of the two colors. It also represents his maturity as the color is associated with maturity, however he does display some loneliness, but he’s surrounded by other people with different color clothes, which helps him get out of the dumps. With the color black, he has a mysterious vibe that many girls find attractive, he’s also protective of those he cares about like his cousin Ashley and his sister Katri, but he does hide somethings much like how the color black is used to hide things. The color black is known for being intimidating, unfriendly and unapproachable, traits that Grey has as he is known to be those three things but he also independent and strong, just like the color. As for white, the color represents his encouraging nature to those around him, however he can also be unimaginative, critical and maybe even empty and plain. Grey also keeps things around him neat and efficiently, also keeping to his colors.

Salvia’s main color is simply blue, which represents trust, responsibility, honesty and loyalty. Salvia is someone anyone can trust with anything, despite being the second youngest of the main cast she’s very responsible for things she does. Salvia is also sincere, reserved and quiet, more traits the color blue represents. Whenever someone has an issue dealing with something Salvia is normally the one to point them in the right direction, always helping someone no matter what and if someone were to break her trust she will feel betrayed (which is what happens when she finds out Jessie and James used to be members of Team Rocket) and it will take a while for her to regain the trust she had with her parents but she will forgive them. There are times she’ll be stubborn and refuse to handle change, it took her awhile to accept the fact that her and everyone else were moving to a new region but she grew on Alola very quickly. Her main colors would be sky blue as she is the calmest in the group and is the one to help anyone, azure blue which inspires her determination to achieve great things and dark blue for her responsibility, calm and collected behavior. 

Daichi’s main colors are green and brown, which fits him and his team of bug types. The color green is known to be the balance of the heart and the head, with Daichi’s struggle of how he’s handling the divorce of his parents, he had to find balance between knowing how it happened and feeling how it happened. When he isn’t singing his accomplishments, he is very good at observing and listening to everyone’s problems, even his own mother which is what made May become a counselor in the first place. Daichi also loves nature, his friends and his family, which also brings him his love of Bug type Pokemon. He does have a bit of a possessive streak, as when he first met Harley he wasn’t keen on sharing his mom with this new person who was being friendly to his mom. He also can be envious to others, like how he feels about his half sister. From green his main colors would be yellow green as he fears that the divorce was his fault and the conflict he’s still going through, pale green as he is a little immature and youthful, but he will make a fresh start later on and grass green which represents his confidence and security. With brown he can be down to earth when he’s alone or with his close friends, as well as protective and he tries to be as stable as possible. His other main color would be dark brown which is strong but sad and depressive.

Alex probably has the most main colors, those being black, white, purple, pink and blue. I simply chose them because Alex is genderfluid and they would proudly wear their colors for all to see. From the color black they’re secretive, wanting to hide from the world or in their case their feelings and what they choose to be from others, they’re also a little depressed and a little negative. From white, they want to be treated equally and fairly instead of getting special treatment from anyone. They have a creative mind as they know how to play piano and how they create displays for contests, both battling and for showing off. The color purple also symbolizes their career path in being a Pokemon coordinator. The color blue is their masculine side, they have the wisdom from being born in Sinnoh which is the region of mythology and lore, as well as their idealistic side to help them want higher ideals, they’re also very nostalgic, often remembering their past and relating their present and future experience in the past. They would mostly wear pale blue as it inspires creativity (what they need to be a coordinator) and the freedom to break free (from their parents). Pink is the color of their feminine side, they’re sensitive and empathetic, always having a bit of hope and showing Alex that everything will be okay. Pink also shows their girly side a little too much, which can give them a lack of will power and their lack of self worth. The shade of pink they would wear would be orchid as it relates to them doing their own thing.

Chris has probably the most interesting color theme as he, much like Ashley, wears orange, only difference is that he wears more darker shades as oppose to Ashley wearing a lighter shade of orange. Chris represents the more negative side of orange, which is insincere, dependant, overbearing and overly proud. He does have some positive traits like being sociable, an extrovert, agreeable and informal. His main shade would be Dark Orange as it indicates overconfidence and over ambition, as if Chris ever takes a blow to his pride he’ll get upset and will be moody for a good few hours and it’s usual up to Ashley to give him a confidence boost so he can feel better.

Dusk has a color scheme similar to the time of day she was named after, meaning her colors would be orange, magenta and a bit of purple. The color orange stimulates Dusk’s unsocial side as she’s the main introvert of the group, she’s the most insincere, often muttering fake compliments and she’s a very big pessimist. The color of orange she would wear would be Burnt orange as it gives a negative vibration of pride (a trait she got from Dawn), tension (she’s the most tense of the kids) and aggressive self-assertion (when it comes to beating Ashley at something she will try very hard to assert herself to do so). With magenta, Dusk inhabits the negative traits such as being impulsive, impatient, intolerant, feeling disconnected to those around her and she can be very bossy and demanding. Purple is Dusk’s main color, as she prefers to wear that more than she’ll wear orange or pink. From purple, Dusk is someone who likes to be an individual and original, she hates copying others and hates being compared to either of her parents, so she wants to be her own person. She’s also cynical, which is a negative side of the color violet. She would mostly wear deep purple as it’s a powerful color that indicates arrogance and ruthlessness, as she can be a little violent at times.

Sirius’ main colors are indigo and turquoise. From indigo he has a high amount of integrity and sincerity, he’s also faithful to those he’s close to and also very creative which helps him as he’s a coordinator. Sirius also likes to be orderly an have as much structure as he can, he’s inflexible when something isn’t organized be it his appearance or anything around him. Sirius also loves learning about different traditions, which is why he was happy to visit Johto and Alola. A negative from indigo would be how he’s very fearful and tends to try and avoid conflict. With turquoise he’s calm, creative and compassionate. But he’s also over emotional and he’s bad at communicating with others, mostly with his crush Ashley. His main color of turquoise would be aquamarine which calms him down and enhances his creativity.

Natsuko’s main color is purple, mostly lighter shades. Because she’s so young she’s very imaginative, always having her head in the clouds and in her own little fantasy world. Aside from being imaginative, she also has a lot of empathy. Natsuko also likes to be unique, she doesn’t try to copy anything her parents or her older brother does when she tries her coordinating skills on her Pokemon. It also fits with her family as they are notably wealthy and purple is the color of royalty and nobility. But she’s also immature (not surprising as she’s only seven). Her main colors would be lilac as it implies immaturity (as she’s still a child), youthfulness (still just a child), extroverted (which she got from May and Harley), enthusiastic (mostly from Harley), romance (she’s a hopeless romantic, got that from May) and vanity (when she gets older she’ll be very concerned about her appearance). And lavender as it’s a color attracted to beautiful things, which Natsuko is also attracted to but she’s also sensitive and fragile. 

Sachihiro’s main colors are blue, white and red, a representation of Ash’s outfits as he was always wearing blue and white with some red with it. From the color blue, Sachihiro is loyal, caring, an idealist and has a lot of integrity but he’s also unforgiving, spiteful and self righteous. Most of those traits he got from his father. He would mostly wear Azure blue as it brings out his determination and ambition to achieve great things. From red he gets his energy boosted, confidence, passionate, determined and courageous. But the negative traits of red can bring out his aggression and quick temper, it also gives him a bit of an appetite at some points. The shade he would wear would be crimson as it has some blue it in, which indicates his determination to succeed without upsetting someone. From white he gets his innocence (due to not knowing the truth about the bad stuff that happened when his parents were younger).

Sachi’s main colors are red, pink and black. Colors that her mother had worn often. Red for Sachi gives her the alertness that her twin brother lacks, she’s also more fearful than her twin brother. But she’s still passionate and energetic like her siblings. The shade she would wear would be scarlet as it is less intense and more fun loving due to the little bit of orange mixed into it, also gives into her enthusiasm. From pink she gets her nurturing nature, sweetness, compassion, affectionate and being naive. But she’s also immature, girlish and has emotional neediness, as well as being physically weak (Ashley and Sachihiro are more physically strong and athletic). Her shade of pink would be rose pink, which is the most feminine and Sachi is the most feminine of her siblings. The color black represents how she’s protective of her brother since he’s more reckless and she’s the one who’s telling him to be careful more than their parents, she also provides comfort to her twin brother when he needs it.

Katri’s colors are two different shades of turquoise. Katri is the clear thinker of the kids, she’s also the calmest and helps calm down her big brother and her older cousin when they need their energy restored. Despite being unable to talk she as great communication skills (she uses signs to talk), she’s compassionate and creative, often seen drawing or writing. She’s also very observant, always thinking what’s the best course of action, she also boosts the confidence of others around her. However she’s very aloof and doesn’t show much emotion. She does get bored when doing only one thing at a time and often multitasks. The shades she would wear would be aqua as it’s refreshing and uplifting, creative and light hearted and gives her her individuality. Aquamarine which enhances her creativity and inspiration from the aqua she wears, it also calms and balances the mind and her emotions. The last one is teal, it gives her a big of sophistication, it also gives off her trustworthiness and reliability that she proves often.

My characters unintentionally match the colors they were given. The information I used is from this site. https://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/meaning-of-colors.html

[noirrrefic-blog]

I need help

You see the title… It’s pretty pathetic of me to do this, to see I’ve become this desperate to push away what little friends I had and being too scared to talk to anyone.

So I suppose I’m an anxious person. I’m a girl, 17 years old. I used to be so full of myself, a show off even. Fearless. And to see how I am being so scared and think so little of myself…

Here’s my story of how it all srarted. I doubt anyone would see this since I litteraly have no friends whatsoever here on tumblr, not that I even TRIED to make any.

It all started when we moved out of our house to the capital, in a small apartment. My dad never tells us his plans until tge last minute and we have no voice to speak for his decisions. I know he means well to take us there, not that it’d hurt to warn us but we eventually got used to it. Fights and yelling started to increase noticeably compared to usual, from little things such as we’re dirty, lazy, don’t clean up enough. Don’t study enough. So not like our cousins. And it doesn’t help that my brother, my only sibling, was starting to steal more and more oftenly, from us, his family. He became such a great liar and litteraly a useless guy who just eats and shits, on top of being a theif and a liar, he wasn’t even making any effort into his studies. Which all makes more and more pressure on me from my parents “ to not be like him ”. 5 years since we’re here in the capital, every year changing house, I never got to make any good friends and we’re gone. Again and again. At this point, I’m becoming fat, not too much, I just eat out of stress and my dad just keeps commenting on how fat I am, how ugly my face is becoming (assuming it’s from my food although the doctor says it’s hormonal) and basically belittles me on everything. Whatever I do is never enough, be it cleaning, my appearance, cooking, studies or anything. And like whatever bad thing has to be my fault. Even studies, when I clearly do my best in front of him and don’t reach to super grades, he found the new excuse that it’s because of my lack of faith in god. He now uses it for many other things. Years of being repeated the same degrading words and blames I’m accepting them all that they’re true, compared to my model smart perfect cousins? I’m just a pile of shit. I became way too sensitive, cry over every little thing, gaining more weight, my school grades decreasing just the same as my self esteem. I tried several times to make him understand that what he says to me is hurting me, his reply? Something that has to do with god and shit that goes like “ A real friend is the one who offers you your defaults. ” I know. But what about being a parent and giving your child occasional compliments? I get nothing of those. I don’t speak about my mother and brother because I know they’re affected too even though I now hate my brother. I don’t blame them.

Now every night I imagine finally exploding and different scenarios of how it’d go. Mainly of me screaming and breaking things. And then the most unexpected thing is that it happened, like 2 months ago now. And how I regret it and wish I’d just kept it to myself. I did break once my dad kept asking me questions like why are you always so sad you disgust me that you don’t appreciate my efforts and “ Am I a monster?”

I was so pathetic, I just cried loudly. I didn’t know how to answer his questions. And from all scenarios I imagined, I never expected him to react to me like I was possessed or something. Saying those religious words… He just kept pointing out that I was so far gone that I’m even shaking which only made me sob more. I told him, about all how worthless I feel and just wanted encouragement. His reply was mostly just “ You’re just so ungrateful for everything I do to you. Other people don’t live like you. You should be graetful.Now tell me what’s gotten you like this? We’re trying to talk and look at you! You won’t talk, not even look at us– ” No matter what I said he kept repeating that I have to talk. Basically meaning that I wasn’t making any sense so I shouted and got up… the first time I pulled such a stunt, really. I thought to just go back to my room, cry till sleep like usual but then my mom pushed me to the shower and put cold water on me, just as angry as my dad. She too told me “ Calm down. What are you so ungrateful for? Your dad is trying to help and you just ignore him! Do you even realize how lucky you are and you’re just rude! What do you even need? You don’t get enough encouragement with all things we buy you? ” But it’s not about money…. no. I just wanted to feel loved. Instead, she really slapped me. Hard. 4 times. To calm down? I don’t know. But i did stop crying, the slaps didn’t even hurt much. Not like my heart did at that moment. It was like I really never expected that, from all things. I didn’t get hit ever since I was a kid. And I get slapped for breaking down after years of bottling up my feelings? I just stopped caring then. My dad joined and they both kept lecturing me about not reading Quoran and praying and so. So I just agreed with them hoping for it to be over. That it’s still all my fault… well, I suppose it maybe is. Me being so sensitive and all. I know those are my defaults, I’m not like my cousins, I try, never appreciated, but I really tried. But years of hearing the same words just gets me. I just let them speak until they said I should change because I was shaking too much from the cold of the water. I doubt it. I didn’t feel cold. But whatever.

And then….? Hah, right after tomorrow he said he booked tickets for London. For 10 days. The flight was that very night, yet another plan he made without telling us until last minute. Oh, and then I was so right about what I expected was to come, completely ignoring what happened last night, except for the occasional teasing about things I said when crying (which makes me want to burry myself) pointing how I should be happy because others don’t go on such holidays. (Wow. ) And more like getting dragged around the city like dogs behind my dad more than anything else. I kepts getting hurtful comments when I try to help, pretend I was fine. I realize it’s just making me more and more distant from them. Because they clearly will never understand me. But what hurts me most is that I even HAVE to smile. Because trip. Haha. Both my parents keep telling me to at least smile and stop being so selfish. Idk why, but he kept telling me selfish, not just for the lack of smile. Because yes, even when I’m sad I usually ALWAYS am smiling in attempt to brighten the mood. I always get told that I smile a lot from people. And to hear “ You’re not even capable of smiling…” It made me realize that I indeed I’m no longer smiling like “ usual”.

I’m a mess. Really. My only friend and best friend is from another country I met on Facebook. I told her my problens and her only response is that she understands, because she too have similar problems. And now I haven’t been talking to her since the trip when she said I was lucky. I know it’s cheap of me, but I can’t talk to ANYONE. Really. Can’t even go to a psychologist to help me. No one to understand me or tell me " it's gonna be okay" and hug me. I doubt myself so much. I'm scared of holding a phone in front of my family. Scared of being seen drawing. Scared of being seen doing "nothing". So I just close myself in my room, even with so much I have to do and responsabilites, I'm doing nothing.

And thinking of the future… hurts too. Is what I always do. My dreams would never cone true. Not in this country at least. My dad put on my passport that even as an adult I can’t get out of country unless with him. My dream job is to become a comic artist. There are none in my country and I don’t get to join art school. But even work doesn’t matter much to my family since it seems their only goal is for me to get married by forcing me to learn to clean and cook and respect to be ’ a good wife’. The idea completely disgusts me and what scares me that I don’t even have a say in this when the day comes. So I’ll study whatever, at least to keep marriage out of the way…. for now. And funny is that a girl can’t even live on her own in this country. Makes me hate this country, this stupid family. And this stupid religion that was forced on me. I hate it. I hate it all. I wish I had the courage to say it to them.

How I miss little innocent, confident and optimistic me. Full of dreams that seemed so close only to be crushed by reality.

Hah… well, that was long. I’m sure I have more to say even. It’s 4 am and I just wrote whatever came to me. Wish I could write a fanfic this long in so short time, heh….. I’m not sure what people would say even if they went through the trouble to read it. But whoever does, thank you. I appreciate it.

And I still at least got something iff of my chest.

[baby-yeol-blog1]

On Codename!Chanyeol’s self esteem & character growth

So I’ve got this ask on CuriousCat about that infamous moment where Chanyeol was angry at Sigma and thought he was ‘out of his league’. And since my reply to the thing is very long, here you have the whole thing in case some of you enjoy reading story meta.

WARNINGS: Not spoilery if you’ve read until LOGIN 07 but meta (aka author’s opinion on a character’s backstory/canon interpretation of a character’s motivations). Also, it may have typos.

Codename is a fic in process with more than half still left to write. And Codename (especially the first arc) IS Chanyeol's story. He is the main PoV character and you get to see everything through his eyes. Everything from the city to the society to all the other characters, including Baekhyun. The narrator here is not omniscient - it is a third person voice, but it's a voice that's atuned to what Chanyeol feels and thinks and believes. This means this voice is accurate when it comes to Chanyeol's actual feelings, but it's not always reliable as a source of 100% objective facts. Now then, Chanyeol in this fic is a cyclic character when it comes to self-esteem. If you check what we know about him and his background story, we can see that: 1. He was born in a society where Destiny is considered a supreme force and made law by the government. This society classifies everyone according to the Fate that Dreamers see for them. That is what determines a person's worth, and the ones that have no known Destiny are basically worthless. 2. Dreamlessness is a heavy hit to everyone's self esteem. You're not told "hey, you're Dreamless" at birth. You grow up and watch your friends get letters while you don't. You wait every day for a message that never comes, and it gets worse the older you get, because people start to live their perfect lifes and you remain there, hopeless and hopeful and stuck in the middle of nowhere because you can't even get a (decent) job. You're a spare. You're no one. 3. Chanyeol has stated in several chapters that he doesn't exactly believe in the concept of Destiny. Despite this, he still has to live by it. This is not super explicitely explained in the fic itself because it is supposed to be seen between the lines, but Chanyeol has it hard whe the story starts. He barely manages to pay the rent of a tiny apartment, and he does it with the money his first tier, professional M.O.N.S.T.E.R team earns from sponsors. His teammates have lifes and jobs, but he solely relies in the money he earns from being one of the best in town in a MOBA game. And even that style of life is in danger, because in the first place his friends are starting to leave the team because other matters in his life are more important (see Suho in chapter 1), and on the other hand Chanyeol himself is getting old. Dreamlessness is excusable when you're 13, or 15, or even 17. At your late teens, people start to gossip. People's opinions will very much lead towards the negative if you're still Dreamless in your early twenties, and everyone will regard you as useless if you remain like that at age 25.

Chanyeol's 22 at the start of the story, and M.O.N.S.T.E.R fans consider the "Most Famous Dreamless Boy of the Dome" thing a funny little quirk, but that's not staying like that forever. So, summarizing, Chanyeol is fucked. All of this has an impact on Chanyeol's self-esteem. I said before that it's cyclical because there are periods when Chanyeol feels less worthy in general than what he actually is and other periods when he's very confident in his abilities. He has moments when he feels useless and is quite harsh in what he asks of himself and moments when he feels like the king of the world. The peaks of low self esteem tend to happen when he's faced with things he cannot control or that he fels he can't do well, and the high self esteem peaks happen when having to deal with things he controls. Things he's good at: M.O.N.S.T.E.R, Breaking, technological stuff. Things that he isn't good at: being a terrorist, fighting & shooting irl, fighting the Obelisk Chanyeol's life was going downhill when the story starts, but his universe did a whole 360 when Baekhyun/Sigma appeared and dragged him into a mess he hadn't asked for. It all was pretty shitty, but he knew what to expect. Suddenly, he's almost killed by blue ice inside a virtual world, then he's used and electrocuted by the boy he had just kissed, then he's captured by the government and basically erased from existence and sent to die, then saved by the boy who kissed him (who is a wanted terrorist btw) and turned into a terrorist himself. And after that he needs to lightspeed learn how to kick ass because he needs to do a lot of illegal stuff without being killed. Ah, and the Destiny system who fucked up his life is suddenly a lie ;) And instead of telling him, Mr. Sigma-the-asshole has kept quiet despite knowing all along. Chanyeol is out of his element (to be specific, he's miles away from everything he's ever known), and he can't help comparing himself with Baekhyun (aka the person who mostly works with him, the person he sees the most and the person he's recluctantly very physically attracted to). Baekhyun has been training for years and is fast and strong and lethal - and so openly confident about being so - and so Chanyeol tends to disregard his own efforts because he subconsciously compares himself with Baekhyun and he obviously loses.

Personality-wise, Baekhyun acts lke an asshole, and he's regarded as such not only by Chanyeol, but by the whole cast of characters, but he's obviously good at certain aspects of his job where Chanyeol feels he is lacking. This makes Chanyeol's opinion/feelings towards Baekhyun complicated, because he thinks he's one hell of a bastard, while being angry and disappointed at being used, while regarding him as a pro in  terms of being a rebel and involuntarily seeking his approval, while being sexually attracted to him and realizing that Baekhyun wants to do him but doesn't care for him that much as a person. At this stage of the story, ChanBaek are not romantically involved. Chanyeol doesn't look and Baekhyun and pins over him because of his unrequited love. Chanyeol is attracted but tired and done, and he considers Baekhyun is someone who is in a totally different level than his own - he's dangerous, and good at what he does; and they should be a team, but he's hiding things; and he's offering sex (which Chanyeol, or Chanyeol's body at least lol) wants, but he doesn't seem to care much for him as a person (which makes Chanyeol even more upset because hey, remember what i said about being Dreamless?). This is made worse by the fact that Baekhyun has used him to seek revenge for another person he DOES care for. Hence this piece of Chanyeol's dialogue, which by the way belongs to the same train of thought and should go together. [ Baekhyun wouldn’t understand. Baekhyun couldn’t. He’d lost things, perhaps, but that meant he'd had them in the first place. He was used, in fact, to get whatever he desired, under the rules he set. Chanyeol never got anything. Not a word, not a look. Not a secret, not a choice. Apparently, not an opinion either. “You want me,” Baekhyun said, fingers going to the string of his hoodie. He had pretty hands, a pretty face. He was absolutely out of Chanyeol’s league. “And you’re hot. And I offended you, didn’t I? So maybe I could do something for you to forgive me.”] Chanyeol is angry while he thinks this. He is not saying that Baekhyun is out of his league because he's too pretty and two lovely and too perfect for someone like him to love. He's saying it because Baekhyun is a top tier rebel, and it's all confident and obnoxiously charming, and has the upper hand in all that's going on, and will never (he thinks) care for him or consider him an equal. It feels like Baekhyun is in a whole different dimension. (And all this is a little bit fun, because it's true that Baekhyun is a bastard, but his opinion on Chanyeol and his skills has substantially changed in the last two/three chapters and has commented on how Chanyeol "is good" or "impresses him")

None of the characters in this universe (including Chanyeol himself) would believe or consider Chanyeol 'lucky' if Baekhyun liked him. My readers generally like Sigma as a character because he's complex, and umpredictable, and charming in his own twisted way and thus they want to know what more there is to him, but he's basically considered a (needed) pain in the ass by the whole Codename cast of characters. I don't know why, but people tend to think that there needs to be a "stronger"/"more dominant" character in every story. That, and that strength is related to how the amount of havoc the character in question wreaks. If he makes thinks explode, he's strong. If he shows vulnerability, he's weak. Why isn't Chanyeol "superior", exactly? Because he feels insecure about certain things? Because he smirks less than Sigma does? In chapter 1, Chanyeol is this guy who has been fucked by the Dreamer system and who keeps all his anger about it bottled up inside. A person who does nothing about his situation because it really feels like he //can't//, and who clings to the idea of being the very best at the game he plays (the same way he uses to let some of this anger out). He's the guy who gets easily deceived and manipulated by Baekhyun. By chapter 8, Chanyeol has: 1. Started to adapt to an environment he doesn't know. 2. Started physical training with a regular schedule (he used to have a gym pass. He never used it) 3. Learned to shoot decently in just a few weeks. 4. Participated in a potentially dangerous mission by choice. 5. Survived that mission without being captured. 6. Come up with a plan to infiltrate a government building so he can hack into their computer and Break into a potentially very deadly database. 8. Formulated the strategy for that plan and told Jongin that he wants to meet up with his friends. Now. 9. Told Baekhyun that he's shit at technology and that he's going to fail misserably if he doesn't tell him stuff. 10. Told Baekhyun in his face that he's done with him and that he needs to stop being a little shit because he needs Chanyeol. Chanyeol has gone from being resigned to his situation to taking a stance against the system that has wronged it. He's gone from being totally lost to acting as the main strategist in their infiltration plan. His strength is much more subtle than Sigma's general flashiness, but he has come to the point where he can sass the hell out of him and make Baekhyun shut up: ["Give me a computer that’s connected to the Obelisk outer network and I’ll Break in.” “Any idea of where to find one of those?” Chanyeol rose his eyebrows at Baekhyun. “Ah, I don’t know. I thought you were the one in charge of the plans?”]

The story is not even halfway and he's gone a long way since the start. What happens is that character arcs are gradual... and are supposed to be subtle. He's not going to wake up one day and start choking Obelisk soldiers with his bare fists, I'm afraid :_D ChanBaek's relationship is the same. Generally speaking, this is a rivals to lovers sort of story, so all the thing basically starts with sexual tension and then moves forward. Chanyeol doesn't exactly like Baekhyun - he 50% wants to punch him, 50% wants to make out with him (alternatively: he 50% wants Baekhyun's recognicion, 50% thinks he's a kamikaze asshole). Their relationship has also been evolving subtly from chapter 1, and since this is a ChanBaek fic, it's not a spoiler that they will fall for each other. This includes both Chanyeol falling for Baekhyun and Baekhyun falling for Chanyeol. So no, this is not geing to be a story where their relationship remains unbalanced. I've been writing this ship for five years and I've tried my best not to do that every single time. So if you want them to suffer because of love... it'll happen. It'll surely happen lol

[aguirreann1995]

Exercises To Get Taller Height Astounding Unique Ideas

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[fierceautie]

As a Hard of Hearing autistic adult, I think about this often. There are many overlaps in the autistic and Deaf communities. There are different sensory, diagnosis, difficulties and therapy experiences. There is certainly an overlap of experiences and history. Having experiences from both communities is a truly unique experience. Combining the Deaf and autistic cultures can have an understanding of an non normative communication. Having developed a nonverbal form of communication for Deaf people. such as American Sign Language, can be applied to the autistic community as adaptive communication. Both communities have activists that demand inclusion and rights. With the Deaf President Now movement, the Deaf community gained a lot of momentum. The                                                                                                          autistic community needs a similar event.OralismOralism in the Deaf CommunityOralism is the belief that Deaf people should be educated through lipreading, mimicking mouth shapes and practicing breathing patterns, and vocal exercises to help Deaf people produce oral speech. This is referred to the oral method. The people who support this believe that it is important for deaf people to assimilate into the "hearing" world.  They believed that deaf people should know how to talk with hearing people. They believed it would be harder for the deaf individual to have a barrier, even though there already was one. A delegation of hearing educators voted to mandate oral only approach to educating Deaf students. The goal was to "normalize" Deaf children through the use of speech, while ousting sign language in the process. . The oralism movement that originated more than a century ago subjected multiple generations of Deaf people to mostly unsuccessful efforts to assimilate completely into hearing society through the use of spoken language and auditory aids. History of OralismIn 1880, there was the Milan based Second International Congress on the Education of the Deaf. This congress was the cause of the rise of oralism. They cemented the legislative and psychological power that hearing professionals were to have over Deaf people over the next century. It was influenced by the theory and belief that sign language is primitive and detrimental to evolution and higher thinking. In the 1880's, there was a debate on whether sign language or the oral method in Deaf schools. Even though it would be easier for hearing people to understand deaf people through oralism, Deaf people would not be able to communicate with each other easily at all. There were more oral schools than schools that taught sign language during this time. Decades after Milan, oralism was the prominent instructional method in Deaf schools in America. Many Deaf teachers were reassigned from academic to vocational classes. Deaf administrators were replaced by hearing administrators who had the goal of attempting to integrate Deaf students into society by teaching them spoken English. The students that signed in class faced psychological or physical punishment. This included having hands hit with rulers, tapped to the desk or tied behind their backs. In 1864, Gallaudet University, the first all Deaf university in the world, was under a large opposition. Gallaudet University was the first university where ASL is the main language used. One of the largest opponents was Alexander Graham Bell. Bell played a central role in American deaf education and was heavily influenced by his parents. His father was a elocutionist who was dedicated to improve speech articulation. His mother was Heard of Hearing. Bell believed that the oral method was the future of instruction of the deaf in the United States. Bell invented several devices to help his mother hear. One of these devices made vibrations of speech was the telephone. He said that sign language jeopardized deaf peoples potential to integrate into hearing society. Gallaudet University was very resilient under the administration of this first superintendent Edward Miner Gallaudet. Oralism in the Autistic CommunityOralism is applied to autistic people as well. There are many non verbal autistics and autistics with language processing disorders that spend countless hours in speech therapy and do not speak. Some speech therapists (not all) do tell parents not to use signs because it would delay their speech. ABA is also used to get an autistic child to speak. ABA can last sometimes for 40 hours a week!  There are some parents who use forms of quackery to say it will help their child speak. ASL is normally frowned upon because it is different than speech. ASL does not delay language and speech development. ASL (I am in the United States so I will be speaking about ASL even though I know there are many sign languages throughout the world) develops language skills and relieves the frustration for the person not being able to communicate orally. I started teaching my children to sign before speech. The area of the brain that is responsible for language develops faster than the area for speech. My children were able to sign when they were babies. This is the premise for baby sign language. Instead of modifying the signs, I used ASL because thats what I know. Psychological Effects of OralismLanguage DeprivationFor Deaf people, oralism is not a natural form of communication. No technology intervention makes it possible for Deaf people to hear in teh same way that glasses enable most people to have 20/20 vision. The oral method takes years of intensive therapy. There are no reliable predictors of success. Exposure to language only happens through Auditory Verbal Therapy (AVT). There is no natural process of development through observation and play with peers, family members and others in daily situations. Oralism has risks of a substantial delays in language acquisition. Parents are often not informed about this. For every child who appears to be succeeding, there are countless other children who are falling farther behind every day. The critical period of language acquisition occurs during the first few years of life. If a Deaf child does not acquire fluency and a foundation of spoken English before this period ends, most don't, there are psychological effects of linguistic deprivation will be apparent. Oralism supporters often think of sign language as a backup plan. By the time parents recognize and accept that their child is not making sufficient progress with an oral only approach, the critical language period has ended. When the child is finally allowed to learn ASL, research shows that the level of fluency will not be the same as a native signer. Deaf children who begin learning ASL from birth or during the first few years of life show greater fluency in reading and writing English than children only trained orally. The harm from oralism can be painful. Some critics label oralism as abuse. Social DevelopmentOral Deaf children who are delayed in language development also face delays in social skill development. Jean Piaget, the noted developmental psychologist, stressed the importance of language in enabling children to navigate and function more effectively within social groups. Insufficient language exposure results in missed opportunities for social learning through observation and overhearing conversations at both home and in the community. A large percentage of Deaf children don't acquire sufficient social skills because they do not have access to learning in their families. A shared experience among many oral Deaf people is the dinner table syndrome, which is being left out of hearing family members conversations during meals. When the Deaf child asks to an explanation or for something to be repeated, they are met with dismissive remarks or that it will be explained later. It is never explained later. This instills feelings of rejection, frustration, and causes the Deaf family member to leave the table early and retreat to another area in the house. They often avoid family members due to this. Other Psychological EffectsOralism's impact on psychological wellness is vast. The ongoing pressure to learn to speak and lip read perfectly, the constant failure to do so, and the humiliation and frustration severely effects the child's self esteem. The parent child relationship suffers when the child feels like a disappointment.  Some relationships suffer when the child wants to sign instead of speak but the parents discourage or forbid it. Parents of oral Deaf children can become overprotective as they attempt to smooth the way for their children, much like martyr autism parents. This only stunts the child's development of independence adn self confidence but also fosters anxiety. Oral Deaf children spend years suppressing feelings of rage, sadness and angst in order to survive the oppression, much like autistic masking. It is mentally draining to face hidden and overt discrimination on a daily basis. This is in addition to marginalization in society. Anti social behaviors can develop as a result from the isolation and lack of access to communication. The same can be said about autistic children who are being forced to speak when there are alternative methods of communication. Oral Deaf children who remain oral may deny or detach from their Deaf identity. They may appear psychologically well adjusted on the outside, the suppression of their identity can have dire consequences. This is also true for autistic children who are forced to mask and are deprived of their autistic identity. If not Oralism, then what?ManualismFor a long time, the primary approach to language was teaching by using sign language. This philosophy is called manualism. This approach was challenged by oralism. Oralism often apposed sign language as it was viewed as a barrier to acquiring speech. The debate goes beyond language and education to incorporate social, economic and political. Over time, the recognition that Deaf people make up the Deaf community. It shares a language, sign language with its own grammar and syntax, cultural norms, values, and history. It has highlighted the need for a new social perspective on Deafness that is different than the medical view. This is much like the social and medical model of autism and other disability. The social model is signified by Deaf and the medical model is signified by deaf. In the 1970's, many Deaf schools favored manualism over oralism. This was in response to different social conditions. The consistent feature of the education system was that Deaf and hard of hearing children could interact with their peers. This supports the development of the Deaf community. This fostered the growth of sign language, regardless of the philosophy of the school. History of ASLAmerican Sign Language has roots in French Sign Language. It is deeply influenced by many events preceding the more formalized sign language that grew in the 1700's. The most prominent event was the publication of "Sign Language Structure" in 1965 by William Stokoe, a linguist, showing ASL as an actual language. The first book on sign language was published in 1620 by Juan Pablo de Bonet. It was a treaty for teaching "mute people to speak," Bonet's book also published a manual alphabet to improve communication with Deaf students. In 1755, Abbe Charles-Michel de I'Epee founded the first free school in Paris for Deaf students. Many of his disciples founded schools for Deaf students in their respective countries throughout Europe using French Sign Language (LSF). When in Paris learning the teaching methods using LSF, Gallaudet asked Laurent Clerc,  Deaf teacher who also a graduate of the school, to come to America and help him set up a school for Deaf students. Clerc accepted his invitation. During the 60 days of sailing to America, Gallaudet taught Clerc English while Clerk taught Gallaudet LSF. In 1817, Galludet and Clerc opened thier first school in Conneticut. It was called teh Conneticut Asylum for Education and Instruction of Deaf and Dumb Persons ( now its called the American School for the Deaf) in Hartford. At the end of the first year, there were 31 students from different New England cities. This included students from Martha's Vineyard, MA and Henniker, NH. Martha's Vin yard and Henniker were two communities where Deaf and Hearing residents were communicating in their own sign language. "Among the possible sources of the present American Sign Language would be Clerc's LSF, the homesigns students brought from home and from scattered Deaf communities, pantomime and new signs generated in settings of the school."Today's ASL was strongly influenced by American School for the Deaf. Deaf students who graduated would go to different states to set up new schools for Deaf students and would pass down the next generation of Deaf student the "contact language" that became today's ASL. The ASL used today is a result of 195 years of Deaf families and students passing down from one generation to the next language that has become one of the most used languages in the United States. Total CommunicationTotal communication (TC) is the philosophy of educating children who are Deaf or hard of hearing that incorporates all means of communication, formal signs, natural gestures, fingerspelling, body language, listening, lipreading and speech. Children who are in TC programs typically wear hearing aids. The goal of total communication is to optimize language development whichever is the most effective for the child. Total communication is truly philosophy not a methodology. The implementation of TC with one child may look different than another. The core of TC encourages to use whatever communication tools are most effective for the individual child. It really depends on the child's needs. The intent of total communication was to provide each child with the communication tools needed for that child to develop language competence. This should continue to be the goal of every teacher of every child. If TC  Was Used for Autistic ChildrenIf this philosophy was used with autistic children, the autistic child will be more well adjusted. The child would be able to express what they need to say. They would not be fustrated. There would be less meltdowns. Their autonomy would be respected and there would be less mental health issues as a result. This would eliminate the "need" for ABA. More teachers and parents need to take this approach. To much emphasis is put on speech with autistic children. The sensation of the vocal cords vibrating could be overwhelming can cause sensory overload. The sound of speech can also be overwhelming and cause sensory overload. Allowing the autistic child to find the method of communication that they are comfortable with would allow the autistic child mental wellness. Sources: https://oralismandthedeafcommunity.weebly.com/what-is-oralism.htmlhttps://onlineexhibits.library.yale.edu/s/deaf-culture/page/communicationhttps://web.archive.org/web/20180712231619/http://sk.sagepub.com/reference/download/the-sage-deaf-studies-encyclopedia/i3490.pdfhttp://gupress.gallaudet.edu/excerpts/LPR.pdfhttps://www.dawnsign.com/news-detail/history-of-american-sign-languagehttps://www.handsandvoices.org/comcon/articles/totalcom.htm#:~:text=Total%20Communication%20(TC)%20is%20philosophy,hearing%20aids%20or%20cochlear%20implants.

http://www.fierceautie.com/2020/08/oralism-in-deaf-and-autistic-communities.html

[docboots]

(PotDA 10) Survival through Muses

I still need to write an update involving what has happened since my teeth were removed, the even still infuriate me enough that my memory on the concept is in a jumble. However, I feel this would be a good update.

This is mostly two comments I made to a friend on facebook. However, I quite enjoy what I wrote. It is something I often try to put in to words. Something that I feel saved me, kept me sane in these trying times. I often talk about writing, but don't really have much to show for it. That is because it is my hobby, it is something I did to understand myself.

I wrote this in response to a post he made involving that mental state where you lock yourself away. Where you avoid human contact due to your personal walls feeling more safe in a world that has caused a matter of harm to you. I related quite strongly to this, and wanted to share what I did to try and fight these darker feelings.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I would like to introduce you to someone.

I didn't actually take this picture, I was standing around with this avatar and someone took this amazing one of me. I use it as my wallpaper quite often.

This is Lickypede. He was initially created (using Second Life and avatar pieces I bought then edited) this thing to be where I shove all the inspiration being a Lovecraft fan caused. However, as I wrote him a different energy went into it.

This is the embodiment of those feelings you described, to me. I gave it a face, a voice, and a ugly and horrifying appearance based on how I viewed it. This is my depression, my rage, my bitterness, and most of all, my low self-esteem. This is the rot that is created, the bi-product of trauma.

The many mouths on it represents those inner voices. The ones that don't speak for you, but are given voice by memories. By those who hurt and insulted me, belittled me, and did so to the point that, for a time, those memories took on my tone. Repeated so many times it just merges.

I laughs at me, it insults me, and it does all it can to ruin me. Trying to lure its soul to it by making you make the ultimate bad decision.

Now, you might think I have given it power giving it a face, a name, a body, and centering it as the dark, rotten, ultimate antagonist of my stories.

Fun thing is, it had the opposite effect. Now, when those feelings come up... What once I could only blame on myself now has an entity I can be angry at. It now has a villain who I can write with the hate and vitriol that'll hopefully translate into being on the page. All of this makes me more confident, even as it barks and giggles. Squirms and wiggles in my mind like a rotten millipede. How vividly I see it in my imagination at these moments makes me feel better, as I have imagination. I can talk it down, as it now has a voice that isn't my own. I can argue.

Most of all, I have something to metaphorically put the characters I made to represent myself, to work through my traumas with a fictional source, fight. To mold them into their own characters as the trauma did to me. To make them feel real, so even when I have locked myself away and initiated 'Hermit Mode' due to the mental sickness... I created a way to not feel alone when I was younger. Now it is my way of keeping myself occupied. The hobby of playing these characters like piece.

Why I wanted to write this though, is it is one of the weird things that saved my life. It is difficult to be suicidal when you put a face on the feeling causing it. When you make it the inky, rotten scum of your mind that it is. Since I can have spite towards it. That is one of my stronger emotions lately, and damn if it doesn't work.

I will not succumb to my own creation. I am its god, not the other way around. I gave it a higher definition and I can take that away. I made it more terrifying, so that when it attempts to scare or belittle me.. It feels weak, it feels empty. As I have to feel good about my writing to write horror proper, and that is when it is most terrifying to me. (In that kind of way that is addictingly fun, as I love horror stories.)

Lickypede will not win, and no matter how much agony I am in or how difficult it becomes... I will not let its voice be the thing that takes me. Especially not until I can transfer all of this into a series of stories that, hopefully, can help someone else half-crazy half-fictional like me.

Funny thing is, now I find him kind of cute. His attempts now are like a new pet trying to force dominance. In that kind of way that just makes you find it adorable.

Which is good. You have to accept your traumas and assimilate it. Since otherwise you are cutting off related memories that do not add to your trauma, and instead, suck away a part of your personality and souls. Locking it away until you can work through the trauma locking it up.

It is annoying how many of mine were like that, but that is how the brain is. Instead of a file on a desktop, it is an annoying weave of webs. Yank one point and the rest shifts with it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~ In response to their comment to this comment. ~~~~~~

It can have a few downsides. Namely in the fact my characters inspirations come and go, making it difficult to do more than plot pieces of them. so I have taken to calling them muses, it seems fitting. Each one being a character. Since they aren't voices or anything (minus Lickypede, and that was still intrusive thoughts and not auditory hallucinations. It is very easy to distinguish them from reality just like my inner monologue and minds eye) just trains of thought that spread like wild fire. Stories that feel less like I am crafting them and more like I am looking into another world. It is quite calming. I call modifying them (at least avatars like the above one) trimming the bonsai tree since I feel it give me that same sense of inner peace that Bonsai Tree maintenance it is shown to have.

It is rather good for understanding your own subconscious as well. As instead of trying to deal with a soup of thoughts and inspirations, you create a form of what I have heard (namely in the Hannibal books) be called a mind palace. Things in a room, house, neighborhood, or world that act similar to mnemonic devices. Once you are used to it, you can make them as quickly as a phrase. However explaining the train of thought connected to each one would be similar to being a museum tour guide, only with your personal history.

Things you enjoy being used when you think of that for a scene. Like paintings, I often remember paintings I like when I am thinking of a setting for these muses that requires them. Especially as, in order to make each character different, I needed to give them hobbies, backgrounds, and drives different (even slightly) from each other. Especially since I was often writing as them in play-by-post roleplay. It got boring if they all were the same. It made me study things that I got bored with in school. Like, thanks to a particular character, I needed him to play a shrink well enough so had to learn some of that. Needed to have his backstory as a Frenchman right, so I learned the history of New Orleans. Somewhat, enough to fit him in there (hurricanes really love that place.)

Someday I want to write up the whole idea, since I think it would be a great way to help people of all ages with the trauma issues I had. Specifically children, as I started doing this (unknowingly, it is all thanks to anime forums introducing roleplay to me) when I was 12. I had a LOT of issues talking to people due to bullying and some other shit, but the online format helped. It translated into real life once I let it. It built up skills that help me feel worthwhile instead of the pit I was in before I did, and when I am back in that pit and even deeper.. The muses or the skills developing them inspired helped me pull myself out every time. Often more driven to fuck, what I now call Lickypede, up. Purely by going the 8-mile route and leaving there nothing for them to insult. Be it through acceptance or change.

Just need to make it more neutral. As my characters are piece of me, so they wouldn't help outside sources in quite the same way. I want to give people the tools to develop their own character. Not necessarily with the hope of writing stories with them (I only got that interest once I started really enjoying the stories I built with and around them) but of understanding yourself inside and out. The hidden pieces of drive, and giving me different versions of my own voice so I can quickly argue my decisions in a constructive way so I can try and knock out the ones that would in the very least cause issue or lack common sense.

As well it helping my memory, when I have a mind built to sabotage itself in that regard (ADHD and PTSD). I have little bundles of my interests, piece of unrelated history, and things I'd like to remember all hidden or bundled up in these characters. So long as I remember the character, I'll have a path to remember everything else in something complex enough it has stability. Somewhat. It is more like drawing pictures in the dirt with gasoline. You figure the fire will make the picture light up ala The Crow(and punish..And batman) every time. However, who knows what'll happen with Gasoline. Maybe a squirrel runs across the path, maybe you didn't put enough, maybe someone realizing you're being an idiot with fire switched your gasoline with a strong smelling alcohol at a low enough proof it wouldn't ignite. So many peculiar things can happen, but at least there is some stability in the picture being drawn the same way.

That and if we ever get to the point all the comics with mutants come about, anyone that tries to get into my mind is going to have some annoyed tenants that already hang around up there. If anything, they'll confuse and force cognitive overload to those not used to the path of their train of thought. Possibly. Fun to think about for fictional purposes though. Especially anyone who has to deal with Lickypede. At this point I think I've weaponize my trauma, depression, and anxiety into a inky millipede monster. One I hope to reignite my favorite genre combination: weird fiction and horror.

Since the other downside is that after using horror to help create Lickypede... Now it all feels the same. Least when you go the route of animated or motion medium. Since plenty of comics and manga are allowing me to keep shoveling new ideas into the forest fire. At this point it seems to be as important to keeping myself energized as food and water is.

I might have accidentally turned myself into a muse. I need inspiration and creative medium to survive and keep my mind reeling. Pls send writers. To Hollywood. (they need them.)