#(17+17 is 34 and a lot of people I know from school already have 6 year olds by now this is going off the normal for my area)

[kai-ninjago]

for the ask game you just reblogged

all of them

every question

:)

First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH this is literally a dream come true I love talking abt myself

1) phones Lock Screen: a drawing of myself and one of my main F/Os :3 art by @4i-i0v3-y0u!! One of my best friends here on tumblr :0

2) cheese or chocolate: cheese!! I love cheese soooo much

3) nicknames: just from my math teacher, which is kind of embarrassing— he calls me Kai Guy

4) last song: love me, normally

5) have I ever written fanfiction: yes! I have written LOTS of fanfiction. I even have a fanfiction request blog, @randoms-fandoms!

6) discord: nope! Not on discord. It’s kind of a not fun subject to talk about actually— not for any bad reason, I just got so heavily excluded by all my irl friends on there that I decided to leave

7) piercings: nope :0

8) what says the most about a person: compassion and patience for others.

9) cookie: cherry 🍒

10) dog person!

11) headphones!

12) last thing I said out loud: “we’ll go on an adventure later,” because I was going to take my dog out to get French fries with me but I called ahead and the cook was out for another thirty minutes, so we’re waiting now.

13) a weird fact that I know: horses can move their skin independently from their body, to an extent

14) I am a night owl

15) favorite place to nap: my moms bed lol

16) are you queer: yes, rn I ID as trans, arospec, achillean, and bisexual

17) three words I would use to describe myself are: thoughtful, caring, and morose

18) sweat pants!

19) whatever seasonal drink they have— like lemonade or cocoa :) I don’t drink coffee

20) a color I can’t stand is gray

21) prized possession: just a silly little stuffed animal I got as a gift from my mom

22) tea!

23) aquatic dinosaurs— i dont know which one but I like them all!

24) I’ve been on tumblr for six years :)

25) desert island item: I’ll chose another one this time— a comfortable bed :)

26) my aesthetic kind of varies depending on my mood— but generally i like a subtle lovecore academia vibe, if that makes sense? When I’m manic I like kidcore though

27) dream job: in home caretaker or nurse for a nursing home

28) relationship status: single, but I’m having fun (selfships)

29) my favorite outfit is when it’s wintertime and I can wear my cute pink terry cloth sweatpants and a sweater— along with my cow hat of coarse, and a scarf because I get coooold 🥶

30) a song I know all the lyrics to is Bennys Dispatch from in the heights— my favorite theatrical production!

31) my hair is brown, but since I’ve been on T it’s actually darkened to almost black

32) I do talk to myself— mostly people ignore me because they know what I’m doing, but recently I was on a camping trip with my school and my teachers kept overhearing and responding to me, so that was kind of embarrassing

33) I do not wear makeup

34) best compliment ever? Probably just my grandma telling me that I’m the best at taking care of her

35) my favorite blog— outside of friends, it’s got to be @earththings! I love scrolling through their blog whenever I feel stressed or sad, it always cheers me up ❤️ (sorry for the random tag btw)

Thanks for the ask miles, I feel like you already know me so well bc I really do love answering questions haha

[hecateisalesbian]

i already know 4 but 3-44

3: Uhh I’ve done it like a few times but not really no

4: I know I always joke about this on my blog but actually? Not really. I don’t actually like the taste of most alcohol. The only drink I’ve had and really liked is an espresso martini 🍸 (and some lemonade seltzers but shh)

5: I have medicated drugs that I take for allergies, period cramps/pain in general, and another one for personal reasons but in terms of like weed like I said I’ve done it a couple times but not really.

6: anywhere from 14-24

7: Nope.

8: Hell Yeah Baby! I want a bunch

9: Only your basic one in the earlobe

10: I’ve already planned out my next couple piercings (Double Earlobe, Helix, etc)

11: Irl: My friend [redacted] who I’ve been best friends with since we were 7. She lives in Colorado but we’re still amazing friends. Digitally: 👀 not tryna start a war but I’d have to say the person I’m closest with digitally isssssss [redacted] (<— hah you thought I was gonna say)

12: Single 😔

13: (in a romantic sense) when they like the same things i do. Also dressing hella cool. If you’re a stranger in public and your dressed cool I’m instantly in love with you

14: (In a romantic sense) making fun of others for just being themselves.

15: *sigh* Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

16: I love you. Simple as that. (Also the previously mentioned dressing hella cool)

17: My sister and my Ex-Best friend

18: Oooooo we’re not diving into that rabbit whole. It does connect with the fact that I don’t do discord tho :p

19: I’m GAY (in all realness though my favorite animal is a snake because of Slytherin (🖕 you jkr) but now it’s my favorite animal because I think they’re awesome)

20: My physical appearance

21: Hmm. My sense of style or my calfs (seriously)

22: Actor, professional cosplayer, or something in the film/acting industry.

23: With all of them I’d say it’s pretty good

24: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

25: I’ve never really thought about it but just something that sparks both our interests. A simple date to the park or a date to Meow Wolf (<- so cool) are both great ideas

26: the us government

27: I’m polyam so like. There’s kinda a few. But one of them is tall with reddish brownish hair and she’s a great friend :,)

28: almost every person at my school

29: It got boring and a little awkward after we finished doing everything fun so I asked my sister to pick me up but pretend like I didn’t ask her to

30: The people

31: “I’ve only gotten money from [Redacted], and [Redacted] says she’s gonna indivually buy”

32: Idk. I’m disappointed is definitely up there

33: I like your style

34: Women

35: Men (not really attracted to them as much but if the right one came along)

36: My home in Colorado

37: Stretch Marks

38: Being a Vet (but then I found out animals die 😔)

39: They’re all pretty good INCLUDING MINT CHCOOLATE CHIP IF YOU DONT LIKE MINT CHCOOLATE CHIP I EILL END YOU

40: A lot of people

41: In my bed nice and warm and asleep

42: Waffles and sausage

43: …..chat noir

44: In Florida (where I live atleast) it’s illegal to set off fireworks on the beach except on the 4th of July, and New Years Eve and New Years Day

[bbyquokka]

Tag game: Get to know me!

tagged by @propertyoftoru ‹3

1. Birthday?

11th august (yes, having the same birthday as binnie is a flex, hehe even if the yrs are diff)

2. Favorite color?

pastel pink or blue. but i also love the colours of the galaxy and sunsets

3. How tall are you?

160cm

4. How many pair of shoes to you own?

not that much tbh. i mainly live in trainers or boots 🤷🏻‍♀️

5. Favorite song?

silent cry for skz, dead by asking alexandria (the whole from death to destiny album is my fave tbh)

6. Favorite movie?

howl's moving castle

7. Who would be your ideal partner?

already have my ideal partner 🖤

8. Do you want children?

not rn but in the future, sure.

9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

nope.

10. What color socks are you wearing?

red and white stripy socks.

11. Favorite type of music?

im not that fussed tbh. i can listen to anything as long as it has a good beat and keeps me hooked within the first couple of seconds

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

2!!

13. What position do you sleep in?

whatever i feel comfortable in. could be in a ball or on my stomach

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

bright lights or DEAD SILENCE! i have to have something playing to fall asleep or have a window open (its too cold for the window to be open rn so i have to settle with a video playing)

15. Have you tried archery?

nope

16. Favorite fruit?

strawberries, grapes or honeydew melon.

17. Are you a good liar?

when i have to, yeah else i try not to lie because it brings drama and shit

18. What’s your personality type?

INFP-T

19. Innie or outie?

innie

20. Left or right handed?

right

21. Favorite food?

cheesecake!

22. Favorite foreign food?

oh, thats a hard one.... uh 😭

23. Are you clean or messy?

it kinda depends on how im doing mentally,,, im a clean person overall but when i hit that slump, i kinda just let everything pile on top and the apartment suffers....

24. Most used phrase?

but why though

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

depends on where im going and who with really.

26. Do you talk to yourself?

yes. lol

27. Do you sing to yourself?

ofc and i like to think im amazing at it

28. Are you a good singer?

i like to think i am but who knows :)

29. Biggest fear?

heights, closed/small spaces. it feels like im suffocating and i cannot

30. Are you a gossip?

nah. im too old for highschool shit, lmao

31. Long or short hair?

long, even if it does get on my last nerve

32. Favorite school subject?

english

33. Extrovert or introvert?

introverted, ahah,,,

34. What make you nervous?

going out in public, speaking to people idk. groups of people.

35. Who was your first crush?

josh hutcherson. look, he looked really cute in bridge to terabithia

36. How many piercings do you have?

2. nose and tragus. i do want more though, like a lot more

37. How many tattoos do you have?

0 :( again, i do want

38. How fast can you run?

not that fast??

39. What color is your hair?

black. its naturally brown. i need to go to the hairdressers and get the roots done desperately. also debating on getting pink put in as well,,,,

40. What color are your eyes?

brown

41. What makes you angry?

video games. people that think they're right when they're not. people that just assume without listening to opinions, that type of stuff

42. Do you like your name?

its okay. i mean, considering it took my mother and father a week to think of a name for me then

43. Do you want a boy to girl as a child?

im honestly not fussed. IF i had to choose, girl. most of my family is boys so would be nice

44. What are your strengths?

idk, do i have any? lmao

45. What are your weaknesses?

i guess i can be too stubborn

46. What’s the color of your bedspread?

light and dark blue. (ikea bedspread ftw)

47. What’s the color of your room?

just a standard white/creamy colour.

tags: @oshimee , @sstarryoong + whoever wants to join in! ignore if you don't want to/don't feel comfortable doing!

[autistic-lalli]

I posted 67 times in 2022

31 posts created (46%)

36 posts reblogged (54%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@autistic-lalli

@endearingsalt

@immobilis-et-tacita

@nerdofspades

@queererdisaster

I tagged 61 of my posts in 2022

Only 9% of my posts had no tags

#sssscomic - 34 posts

#stand still stay silent - 32 posts

#my shit - 23 posts

#onni hotakainen - 17 posts

#lalli hotakainen - 15 posts

#emil västerström - 12 posts

#sssshitposting - 9 posts

#ask - 7 posts

#emilalli - 7 posts

#meta - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 93 characters

#i'm just reblogging my own post because i'm having feelings about them and also about iceland

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the full post

36 notes - Posted October 3, 2022

#4

Hi! I've been really curious about a specific section of the first adventure. I'm not sure if it's been covered already, but do you remember the part where Lalli overextended himself and had to rest for several days? The crew was really worried about him but when Lalli woke up nobody paid him any mind. He even had a little dream sequence showing how subconsciously Lalli wanted them to show concern. Would you please analyze that, I think it would be really interesting and I'd super appreciate it! Thank you

Oh my sweet anon, I would love to analyze this scene for you. It’s very long, so the rest is under the cut.

I have no idea how long this post is going to be as I write this, so we’re going to just go through this whole sequence of action from the beginning. I'm also going to try something new of citing page numbers! Probably because I have a deep destructive craving to be in school again.

First of all, Lalli’s autism is pretty important to understanding his perspective here (it always is, but, you know.) So check out my 30daysofautisticlalli tag if you haven’t already.

Lalli scouts a route for the tank, then promptly goes to sleep in the front of the tank (at Tuuri’s insistence.) He’s been working all night, he just wants to go to sleep, and now Tuuri’s trying to talk to him and making him sleep where he’s not comfortable. And, oh! Now he's motion sick as well (374).

Then, he gets woken up to find out there was something wrong with his path he scouted (381). This is important for two reasons:

One, Lalli made a mistake.

Two, something changed unexpectedly.

On the first point, Lalli relies on his competence. (If you’re into enneagram, thinking of a 5w4 will be useful here.) Lalli is good at what he does. He is independent. When you’re good, you survive. When you’re independent, you don’t need people, and you don’t get hurt. When you’re good, you stay under the radar. Lalli and Onni feed into one another in this way—Onni wants Lalli to be good so that Lalli can be safe from the world, and Lalli wants to be good to at least keep Onni off his back, if not to impress him.

And here he is, facing down a mistake.

He’s tired. He’s cold. He’s failed. And now Tuuri is yelling at him, and everyone is staring (382).

(We’ll come back to this.)

The unexpected change also plays into this. Change, even expected change, can be difficult for autistic individuals. For me, it feels like a massive turning of a ship—a huge movement that takes a long time and a lot of effort. So when Lalli is faced with the snowdrift, it’s a huge shift in his mental direction. His day doesn’t consist of sleeping and occasionally clarifying directions. And now he has to figure out what he should expect.

But, before he can figure it out—

He’s tired. He’s cold. He’s failed. There’s been sudden change. And Tuuri is yelling at him while everyone stares.

Lalli has a meltdown/shutdown.

I explain it more in this post, so I won’t go into detail here.

The rest of the crew is mildly distressed, I would say, disappointed perhaps. Moderately inconvenienced. But this situation is not as upsetting to them as it is to Lalli.

Notably, Sigrun comments that “We just have to accept today as a failure” (383). And how does Lalli respond?

He speaks directly to Sigrun and says, “I don’t fail.” He recognized one word in Norwegian, and it was failure (384).

He doesn’t fail. He’s not done. He’s not done working. This isn’t the end.

Failure means putting people in danger. Failure means drawing extra attention. Failure means not being good enough.

Lalli doesn’t fail.

When Lalli decides to go out scouting again, Tuuri knows he’s putting himself in unnecessary danger. She snapped at him, but she backs off pretty quick as soon as he decides to go (384).

Sigrun fully supports him going. On the one hand, this seems like poor leadership on Sigrun’s part. Lalli has absolutely overworked himself, and pressing on in adverse weather on top of that doesn’t seem wise. On the other hand, I suspect that this is a testament to her trust in Lalli—she knows he knows how to do his job well. If he couldn’t do his job well, she expects him to say something.

We get Lalli’s flashback now. And this really solidifies why Lalli is so determined to not fail.

“We’re not allowed to make mistakes, not under any circumstances! Grandma made one mistake, and see where that got us.” (390)

Failure brings catastrophe.

Failure brings grief.

Failure kills people.

See the full post

53 notes - Posted March 14, 2022

#3

every friend group should have

a himbo

a mean bisexual

See the full post

61 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

#2

74 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

110 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[honking-up-a-storm]

6/22/23

Here we go again with the three pages. Nothing much on my mind really. I'd rather the pages go to brainstorming some art stuff. Shout out to Hal for clearing out art fight for me. I was initially gonna boycott it but now that I'm in so many art spaces I actually have the motivation to have fun with art again. Ah my mind slipped, I forgot what I was gonna say before more people pulled up. Saw my 7th-grade history teacher which was funny. I have a "core memory" of having a panic attack while presenting my project about... Set I think it was. I got hung up on the whole chopped bits of Osiris in the Nile and the missing dick thing that I rushed over the rest of the presentation and was asked to do it again which is when I panicked. That was a pretty good drawing too, I wonder where it is. But yhea he probably doesn't remember me, it's been 10 years and I know elementary school teachers only have so much mental space for remembering names and faces. Uhh I hope the security guard isn't trying to hit on me, I really can't tell if the meal offer was to pay for my lunch here or to take me out. I really hope it's just paying for lunch cuz this dude is like 34 (I thought he was older) and he assumed I was 17 (not sure if he was trying to flatter me or he actually thought that cuz I've been hearing at least 18 be thrown around a lot here by the people I interact with, but they old so what do they know). Anyways I do not like being hit on by older dudes, and I especially fucking despise being hit on by a fucking bootlicker. Sometimes I can hear a church bell chime on the hour, only it's a minute fast. Third page ok. I'm thinking about getting the book this method is from for like, actual context on how it's supposed to help. Oh, yhea so like I've already been just writing my thoughts down a lot prior to this, so I've already seen some improvement through that, but the book was more of an art-help thing. God, how many companies for moving people around are there? It almost feels unregulated, I've seen so many variations of the same names on the sides of vans. Smoking isn't allowed anywhere on hospital property, people do it anyways, I guess I can build a tolerance. I ain't gonna tell people off for it. Not security saying "epic fail" over the radio.

Notes:

and now my aunt and grandma are here

Am I working in a liminal space?

Little dog finger puppet to greet partner after surgery

I wish every billionaire a very die

I don't hate you I hate your ego

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

229 of 2023

1. What is one thing you will never do again?

I’d say have sex, but I don’t want to disappoint my husband.

2. Would you rather be twice as smart or twice as happy?

Hard choice. Twice as happy, I guess. I’m already smart enough.

3. What happened the last time you cried?

I don’t cry.

4. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something?

I wanted to confess to someone, but I didn’t because I was too anxious. Nothing cae out of it. Well, maybe it wasn’t meant to be.

5. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you?

They were very... surprised to find out their son likes other boys lol. They couldn’t get over it for a very long time.

6. What’s your worst habit?

Biting my nails.

7. What superpower would you have for one day?

For just one day? Invisibility. I would pull lots of pranks on people.

8. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on?

I’ve never had crushes on fictional characters. Not even when I was 12.

9. Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world?

Here. I love my damn country so much.

10. What is your most bizarre pet peeve?

Fries are not French okay?

11. Who knows you the best?

My sister.

12. What after school activities did you do in high school?

Photography, drawing, maths, basketball.

13. What “most likely to” superlative would you be most honored to receive?

Most likely to make eveyone’s day better.

14. What’s the last book you really loved?

I’ve answered this question too many times.

15. What was the greatest television show of all time?

All these old British sitcoms.

16. What’s been your favorite age so far?

23 to 25.

17. If you could go back in time, what is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?

Prepare for pain.

18. What one thing would you be most disappointed if you never got to experience it?

Travelling.

19. Apologize or ask permission?

...wut?

20. Unlimited love or money?

I already have unlimited love. Money wouldn’t hurt then, even though I’m not the materialist type.

21. If you knew you would die in one week, what would you do?

Everything I was not allowed to do.

22. What’s your most listened to song?

Lange Frans & Baas B - Ik Wacht Al Zo Lang.

23. Beach vacation or European vacation?

Pffft I can have both if I come visit my hometown 😂 I come from a Belgian coastal town.

24. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at?

Physics. Wait, I am already.

25. What’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?

Buy a house.

26. What celebrity would you trade lives with?

None, I like my life in privacy.

27. If you were a performing artist, what would you title your first album?

No idea. Probably self-titled.

28. What story do your friends still give you crap about?

I don’t even understand this question.

29. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around?

Fritessaus.

30. What is the ideal number of people to have over on a Friday night?

10 to 15.

31. What was the worst age you’ve been so far?

17 to 22, I was through a major depressive episode.

32. What is your weirdest dealbreaker?

People who stink? Otherwise my dealbreakers are common.

33. What fictional character reminds you most of yourself?

Can’t think of any.

34. Do you believe in karma?

Yeah. What goes around, comes around.

35. What was your favorite TV show as a kid?

Smurfs probably.

36. What is the weirdest thing you find attractive in a person?

Thighs. And sometimes scars.

37. What Jeopardy! category would you clear, no problem?

I barely know what it is.

38. What is something you’re superstitious about?

Talking loud about some things making these things really happen.

39. What is the scariest experience you have ever had?

Brain haemorrhage.

40. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office?

No.

41. What cheesey song do you have memorized?

Man, there’s a lot. Can’t remember from the top of my head.

42. What one dead person would you most like to have dinner with, if it were possible?

Nikola Tesla.

43. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news?

Probably, but holy shit, all the news these days are so depressing.

44. What is the best present you’ve ever received?

The presence of people who mean a lot to me.

45. Would you give up one of your fingers if it meant you’d have free wifi wherever you go, for the rest of your life?

Nah. Internet is not that important.

46. What’s the first thing you’d do if you were the opposite sex for one day?

Hate myself.

47. If someone told you you could give one person a present and your budget was unlimited–what present would you get and for whom?

I’d buy a house for my husband and me, and his son of course.

48. What is the nicest thing someone could say about you?

That I’m intelligent and fun to be around.

49. Giant house in a subdivision or tiny house somewhere with a view?

Tiny house.

50. What is the weirdest quirk your family has?

The fact they exist. I love my family nonetheless.

[fuckrealityfictionisbetter]

I think if Reid was the one with a daughter he didn’t know about who popped up with a grandkid it would of been a lot better

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: Basically I'm Gay

Date video was published: 06/13/2019 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 397

And here we are. Dan coming out simultaneously feels like it just happened and so long ago. I vividly remember when this video got posted. I was at work, and saw the tweet and then the video almost immediately after. I thought it would be fine to watch at my desk...and then I started crying and had to go sit in the bathroom with my headphones to finish it.

0:00 - the big sigh to start it off

0:13 -  Hector’s art! it’s so perfect through this whole video

0:29 - “spoiler alert, I’m not straight” runs through my head so often

0:59 - so strange to see normal air quotes after so many Phil videos

1:04 - I really appreciate all of Dan’s little cut-ins to the main narrative

1:24 - I love sarcastic Dan. very warranted here 

1:37 - I wonder when he filmed this compared to when he uploaded it (obviously before his birthday, but earlier in June? earlier in the year? I don’t think he ever said)

1:43 - the quick jump cuts here are a nice detail

2:13 - and it is intense immediately though he did just warn everyone it would be

2:40 - awww, tiny Dan! adorable

3:26 - the nineties were not okay

3:39 - yeah if it was me, I would be more scared of people I knew watching this than strangers. that had to be stressful

3:58 - theater kid Dan

4:35 - not even 5 minutes into the video and he already has such a clear narrative (especially on rewatch knowing the rest of the story). he put so much thought and emotion into this

5:13 - lmao what even. children are bizarre creatures. that poor mother indeed 😂

5:55 - “winnie the pooh meets slenderman” is quite the description

6:14 - how is spin the bottle a thing groups of children learn about and play everywhere

6:46 - oh Dan 😕

7:14 - British schools in the early 2000s sound a lot more horrifying than most US schools

7:54 - more little Dan. oversized “you’ll-grow-into-clothes” though is definitely part of what he talks about elsewhere about his family not always having a lot of money

8:22 - this may be my favorite photo of young Dan

8:31 - the Runescape call-out gave me such flashbacks the first time I watched this

9:14 - awww Dan; so sweet but then the internal realization he must have had

9:50 - unrequited crushes are so hard. and even worse when it’s like this...they could have liked me too but didn’t

10:46 - I love the art for “emo”

11:12 - “slap a long fingerless glove on my arm” 😂 Dan really does a good job on inserting a bit of lightness in this overall heavy video

11:32 - thanks Dan 😊

11:59 - Dan forever haunted by old photos he posted

12:27 - “a bi vibe” how would you even respond to that

12:42 - Dan’s tongue thing and the eyebrow raise there

13:09 - “almost nice to me” is still awful

14:02 - this is about where I started crying the first time I watched this

14:43 - having to hold that all in and then not having support from family or friends either. I can’t imagine

15:14 - important annotation there

15:42 - the most Dan has ever talked about his dad

16:40 - the intense eye contact with the camera

17:52 - this sounds more terrifying than anything. seeing where Dan lived in Hometown Showdown though...he didn’t have a lot of options in his environment, which is something he talks about here and later in YWGTTN

18:34 - thinking you’ve found a ‘solution’ but it just making things worse is so terrible

19:19 - and this was where I was glad I read the content warning in the description before my first watch so I had some idea what was coming

19:41 - the subtitles show what is actually being said here in all the overlap. recording this part and having to think back to that must have been so difficult

19:52 - still can’t get through watching this part without tearing up. can’t imagine being his family/people who know him watching it

20:26 - this bit is so important. I love Dan so much

21:18 - he was always focusing on how to get out

21:29 - can’t believe he still had his nametag from that

21:37 - seeing 2009 Dan and 2019 Dan right after each other is a lot

21:53 - still can’t believe he included screenshots of his own formspring posts that at one point he had wished could be removed from the internet forever

22:09 - that is such a generic statement and yet says so much. also, he’s been skipping around the timeline a bit with when he started YouTube and such, but he specifically puts this before the “I met Phil” part

22:19 - sometimes I think we forget that Dan actually said this.

22:22 - “more than just romantic” is just 😭 and ‘trust’ and ‘safety’ being what Dan needed most and something Phil provided. and the trust he and Phil still have with each other, to the point of Phil being comfortable with Dan saying all of this in the video before Phil had really come out publicly himself

22:42 - and more crying. “actual soulmates” says the man who doesn’t believe in souls...Phil transcends that disbelief

22:57 - “one person accepting you can make all the difference” might be the most memorable line from this video for me

23:04 - but still drawing the boundaries they want. so important

23:53 - specifically the boundaries around discussion of sex life (although sometimes I think we know too much already...*cough*)

24:15 - another extremely important point. not coming out is not lying

24:50 - clips from Our List of Awkward Moments all the way back in 2014 and the diss track in 2016

25:28 - hearing what Dan felt like and what was happening from his perspective during the 2011-2012 era

26:12 - I love the “we love working together” it’s so true; you can see it in every project they do together 🥺

26:17 - the “me and Phil” as usual. and this whole statement about them wanting their relationship for them and not for anyone else

27:00 - hearing about Dan’s background here puts any defensive reaction he ever had into context. anyone around during the 2011-2012 time knows exactly what mixed messages he is talking about

28:05 - seeing that change in internet culture in real time was so strange

29:04 - wanting to be “authentic” has always been something Dan said over the years

29:12 - the sexy music underlay here that they use so often 😂

29:28 - a bit where I think meeting their audience on tour really helped Dan...he knows people in his audience have similar stories

29:43 - I relate to that coming from a small overall-conservative town as well

31:02 - more important points and acknowledgement about privilege

32:25 - “science. you fucked up” the little rant amuses me

33:00 - so many little details

33:25 - I think he has impeccable timing for he jokes in this video to break things up 

34:08 - Dan in heels when. I guess we will just have to appreciate Phil in those heeled boots from VPMO2

34:20 - I love that he was doing gestures even when he was going to insert art

34:33 - ‘Susan’ of course and using this single line as an excuse to get cake

35:12 - I really like that he both talks about his personal thoughts about labels, while also saying that everyone has different feelings about them

36:22 - “I don’t know shit ‘bout shit and neither does anyone else” I need to start using this

36:26 - oh I forgot it directly proceeded that line 😂

36:48 - “whatever heterosexual is, I ain’t it” another line I love

38:22 - this might be the most powerful bit of the video for me

38:52 - adore Dan laughing a bit at himself for this

39:14 - again, wonder exactly when this was filmed. also knowing that his family didn’t know for all those years...the support from Phil and the Lesters must have been so important to have

39:20 - having to prepare for that possibility could not have been easy

39:48 - I feel the second-hand awkwardness from this

39:54 - that subject line does not help

40:52 - Dan’s grandma, both sweet and has her priorities 😂 he did not forget to give her the iPad

41:38 - I’m glad he got such a positive, supportive reaction to this video overall

42:33 - this art and then him being a part of that group just a few weeks later at Pride... 😭

44:34 - sometimes I just want to send people this clip

44:54 - really like him speaking to his audience at the end here

Just so much love for Dan for this video. He put so much into this video and thought about so many details - the music choices, the lighting changes, the art (and the coloring matching the lighting), some of the wording that he had literally be thinking about for years... And the follow-up from both him and Phil on Twitter. The shoutout to Phil in the description for “production assistance” always gets me too. Really no other words just ❤❤❤

He was so active on social media for a bit afterwards - sharing pictures of his rainbow birthday cake, balloons, this insta story, and these tweets specifically (1, 2, 3). And then of course going to Pride in early July (1, 2, 3), where he looks so happy in all the pictures from that day. 😭

[yewdonevenkno]

1:Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

2:Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

3:If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

4:Do you find it easy to trust others?

5:What were you doing at 11PM last night?

6:You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

7:What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

8:Are you close with your dad?

9:I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

10:What are you listening to?

11:You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

12:Do you like hickeys?

13:What time do you go to bed?

14:Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

15:Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

16:Do you always answer your texts?

17:Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

18:When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

19:Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

20:What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

21:Is anyone else in the room with you?

22:Do you believe what goes around comes around?

23:Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

24:Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

25:In the past week, have you cried?

26:What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

27:Do people ever call you by your last name?

28:Is anyone ignoring you right now?

29:Do you have a best friend?

30:Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

31:Who was your last call from?

32:Are you mad at anyone?

33:Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

34:How old will the last person you kissed be on their next birthday?

35:How many more days until your birthday?

36:Do you have any summer plans yet?

37:Do you have any good friends of another gender?

38:Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

39:Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

40:Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

41:Do you think age matters in relationships?

42:Are you available?

43:How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

44:If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

45:Do you believe exes can be friends?

46:Do you regret anything?

47:Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

48:Did you ever lose a best friend?

49:Was your last kiss a mistake?

50:Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

51:Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

52:Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

53:What was the last thing you ate?

54:Did you get any compliments today?

55:Where are you going on your next vacation?

56:Do you own anything from other countries?

57:What gender are most of your friends?

58:Where have you lived most of your life?

59:When was the last time you took a long drive?

60:Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

61:Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

62:Who do you text the most?

63:What was the last movie you saw?

64:What’s preventing your current significant other from going back to their ex?

65:How many significant others did you have in 2010?

66:Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

67:Do you curse around your parents?

68:Are you happy with where you live?

69:Picture of yourself?

70:Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

71:Have you ever been dumped?

72:What do you most like about making out?

73:Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

74:When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

75:What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

76:Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

77:Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

78:Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

79:What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

80:Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

81:Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

82:Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

83:Do you miss your last sweetie?

84:Last time you slow danced with someone?

85:Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

86:How can I win your heart?

87:What is your astrological sign?

88:What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

89:Do you cook?

90:Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

91:If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

92:Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

93:What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

94:Name four things that you wish you had.

95:Are you a player?

96:Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

97:Are you a tease?

98:Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

99:Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

100:Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

101:Hugs or Kisses?

102:Are you too shy to ask someone out?

103:The first thing you notice about your preferred gender(s)?

104:Is it cute when someone calls you babe?

105:If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew they were in a relationship, would you go for it?

106:Do you flirt a lot?

107:Your last kiss?

108:Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2011?

109:Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

110:If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

111:Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

112:Does someone like you currently?

113:Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

114:Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

115:Ever made out with just a friend?

116:Are you happier single or in a relationship?

117:Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.

[sakura-83]

Things from Anne with an e that I feel like writing down

Season 1 Episode 6: Remorse Is the Poison of Life

1. Diana having to run through the dark with nothing but a lantern and quite reasonably tripping. I never really thought about how dark it would actually be out because there’s always light.., somewhere in a modern city. It’s dark but you can usually still see

2. Every time Anne and Diana are separated they end up reunited during some great tragedy and are like “I missed you so much!!” Like yeah that’s great but. Please focus

3. It’s terrifying how easily children could die before modern medicine. They still can die very easily and that’s still terrifying but back then there was no quick fixes or easily accessible help

4. “It’s an old wives tale.” “I might be one but not the other. Evidently one doesn’t have to be either thing to know it.”

5. Anne knowing how to treat croup because all of Mrs. Hammond’s sets of twins had it

6. “I was supposed to be a boy but when I wasn’t, they decided to keep and raise me.” “How extraordinary!”

7. Minnie May almost choking to death on her own phlegm and Anne ultimately saving her because there’s no way the doctor would’ve made it all the way from Soencervale in time

8. “I believe I need a brandy.”

9. It’s really interesting how much of the script comes straight from the book

10. “I’m so glad I live in a world where there are white frosts, aren’t you?”

11. John Blythe’s love for adventure and how Gilbert undoubtedly sees it in Anne

12. Eliza apologizing for how she misjudged Anne

13. “My darling Diana”

14. “I can’t tie myself down to anything so unromantic as dishes at this thrilling moment!”

15. “Even aunt Josephine said she’d like to see you again, and she doesn’t like anyone.”

16. “Shes disinclined to stay home alone since her companion passed away.” “Her companion?” “Her best friend forever and ever.”

17. “Aunt Josephine never married. Neither of them did, they lived with each other their whole lives.” “I’d live with you forever if I could. But I know you’ll leave me the date you get married to some wealthy and handsome gentleman. I hate him already.” “How’s Gilbert?”

18. “It’s very likely Gilbert’s father isn’t going to get well, so it’s more than possible that when Gilbert finally comes back to school… he’ll be an orphan.”

19. The cut from that conversation to John Blythe’s funeral

20. Matthew grabbing Marilla’s arm because he knows how much john meant to her

21. Gilbert watching the snowflakes melt in his hand

22. Marilla’s flashback

23. Young Marilla teasing john

24. Him giving her the same hair ribbon she later gifts to Anne

25. Anne and Gilbert being just like their parents, mirroring their romance and yet achieving the love Marilla and John could never have

26. Anne trying to make Gilbert feel better but making it seem like it’s about her. I often find it hard to articulate my relation to others in a way that does sound like I’m relating and not like I’m making it about me

27. Aunt Josephine on a stroll in the woods

28. Anne’s ranting about her “extensive knowledge of being an orphan”

29. Her calling Gilbert a dumb boy and refusing to think about him

30. “Romance is a pesky business. No sense to be made of it.”

31. “May I enter your humble abode.” About Anne’s run down little shed

32. “I couldn’t be less interested in Gil- that boy!”

33. “Let your ambitions and your aspirations be your guide.” “But I have so many!”

34. “I’ve always wanted to be a bride, but I don’t really expect to be a wife.” “Interesting!” “So you see the conundrum.” “I do. I have the following thoughts to offer. First, you can get married any time in your life, if you choose to do so.” “That’s true-“ “And two, if you choose a career, you can buy a white dress yourself, have it made to order and wear it whenever you want.” “Why didn’t I think of that!? I love that idea! I’m going to be my own woman!” “I’m a proponent for making ones own way in the world.”

35. “If you become a doctor, perhaps you can discover a cure for old age.”

36. Anne calling aunt Josephine her new role model, as well as Marilla and Matthew

37. “I’m going to be the heroine of my own story.”

38. Marilla finding an old letter from John

39. The theme Unrequited Love playing during this scene

40. It’s fascinating when you come to recognize the instrumentals by name, the names actually have a lot of double meanings in relation to the show. Fire in The Town not only plays when there’s an actual fire, but also when Anne’s rumors about prissy set the town ablaze

41. “If the key to a mans heart is through his stomach-“ “Which it is!” “Then, we have to make sure that this is the best shepherds pie that Gilbert has ever had.”

42. Anne wanting a boy to loved for her brain and personality rather than her abilities to keep a home

43. “Don’t you think Gilbert looks even more handsome now that he’s sad?” “I didn’t notice.”

44. I just noticed aunt Josephines mourning clothes, I know she was grieving but I didn’t put two and two together

45. “Take the boy the godforsaken pie before I suffer a mental collapse.”

46. Anne rambling excitedly about Jane Eyre.

47. Anne almost spoiling the book, just like Gertrude used to do

48. Anne suddenly breaking down over death. I’ve done that before, far more frequently in middle school when I realized that we all die someday

49. “It must be awful beyond measure to lose someone that you love deeply. In a split second, a heartbeat, they’re gone forever… and there is nothing you can do to change it or bring them back…”

50. “Anne? You’re crying on the potatoes.”

51. “There’s nothing wrong with saying ‘I’m sorry for your loss’, Ruby. And I’m going to say it because I am.” “You’re just going to make it worse if you say that. His father!! Just died!!!” “That’s what people say when someone dies.” “I don’t want you to upset him.” “He’s already upset because his father just died!”

52. “We hope you like shepherds pie.” “Everyone LIKES shepherds pie 😡. We hope it’s a comfort to you, Gilbert.🥰”

53. Anne telling “but I would make a terrible wife!” And running out.

54. Matthew offering to help Gilbert get his farm back in order

55. Gilbert not wanting to be a farmer but having an entire farm shoved off on him when his only family does, despite being… 14 at most? 15 maybe?

56. Matthew losing all his crops when the Dal Marie sank

57. Billy wanting Gilbert back to control the “ugly orphan” and Gilbert defending Anne

58. “She’s smart, deal with it.”

59. Gilbert telling billy to read a book for once

60. “I’ll give you a tip, okay? I’m not your bud. And if you ever hassle Anne again, you’ll regret it.”

61. “What’s your problem?” “Ask me that again. No, seriously. Go ahead.” “Why you gotta be like that?” “Ask me!” “…what’s your problem?”

62. Gilbert throwing his stuff at billy to preoccupy his hands and THEN punching him straight in his stupid face

63. The boys are fighting!!!! And rolling around in the snow too that’s kind of funny looking

64. Gilbert beating billy in that fight

65. Marilla telling Gilbert about his father

66. All of Gilbert’s siblings died

67. Gilbert’s father taking him to Alberta before he died, where Gilbert was born

68. “You resemble him in many ways.”

69. “He asked you to go?” I’ll always be grateful to him for thinking I’d be brave enough. Obligation… can be a prison.”

70. Anne trying to write a letter to Gilbert apologizing for what she said

71. Anne visiting aunt Josephine for advice and accidentally interrupting her grieving

72. “Emotion is rarely convenient and often intolerable, but I find at the moment that I don’t mind it.”

73. “Grief is the price you pay for live, you see. So it’s alright.”

74. “You and I are not the marrying kind.” “Ah, but I was, in my way. And we had a full and wonderful life together, and I gave no regrets. That’s all you really have to decide Anne, to live a life without regrets.”

75. Anne kissing aunt Josephine on the cheek and running off to live said life

76. No Matthew don’t make that loan deal!!!

77. Anne sprinting to Gilbert’s house bit for the first time of many to come, being too late to reach him.

[am-i-space]

Charlie Weasley headcanons🐉

All my Charlie headcanons (some of them are picked out from fanfics i´ve read at some point and I might add some over time)

1. He loves to sing and actually has a beautiful voice

2. I can totally see him with piercings maybe a lip ring or even nipple piercings idk

3. Several tattoos (at least 2 dragons and I think more of a Viking style if you know what I mean)

4. His hair is a bit curly and a darker orange tone

5. Likes to braid his hair to get it out of his face 

6. Likes nail polish (it's always chipped because of his work and scratches it off when he gets bored)

7. Likes to wear jewelry of all kind but usually doesn't because it's impractical for work

8. Likes to wear a bit of eyeliner and smudge it a bit 

9. He has beautiful brown eyes 

10. He's super affectionate and loves to cuddle 

11. Has many scars because he loves to cuddle with his dragons

12. All in all he's a soft boy who loves adventures

13. Loves Rock/Punk/Metal music but he also melts at sweet soft songs 

14. Adopts a dog and trains him so he can come with him on adventures without getting in danger 

15. He is the best Storyteller and can make everything sound like you were right there 

16. He was the one who his younger siblings always begged to read them bedtime stories

17. He always did it 

18. Idk why but he's closest with Bill and Ginny 

19. He's an Aro Ace king

20. He absolutely adores Fleur they are best friends 

21. (She calls him her Chérlie)

22. He's an early riser and loves to get up and watch the sunrise or even start working already

23. He's not the best cook but he loves baking and is great at it

24. Doesn't want to admit it but sometimes he prefers coffee over tea

25. Is a good listener but would totally get distracted by cute animals

26. He has a ton of freckles on his whole body but mostly face, shoulders, back and arms

27. He hates being sick and as long as he is just a little bit sick he'll still try to go to work  (he tries to argue his dragons will keep him warm)

28. As soon as he really get's sick and that little coughing turns into a full blown cold he gets super whiney and wants to get cuddled all the time 

29. He speaks several languages and loves learning about different cultures ( I think like English, French and Romanian)

30. He likes to speak French when he's only talking to Fleur not just to practice but also because he knows she misses France 

31. (Also they like to make fun of other people, primarily Bill who can't speak French (or at least not well) and make it sound super flirty while talking about the weather or work)

32. He is writing scientific books about dragons and everything him and his team are learning about them that is either new and not published yet or when he notices that some books have wrong or outdated informations in them

33. He would love to be able to draw his dragons and add sketches to his notes and books but he can't draw well enough to satisfy himself to actually publish it

34. He is interested in Muggle culture (tho not obsessed like his dad) he often asks his muggleborn coworkers if they can explain him something or take him to a city and show him more of the Muggle world 

35. He likes to eat. I'd say that he's like Ron but I think he has more dignity and instead he just eats a lot. He sometimes gets a bit softer around the edges but he has a good metabolism and his work always keeps him on his feet.

36. He never really thinks about how his body looks he just likes to keep fit and healthy so he can take care of dragons for as long as possible

37. He's a nervous eater and he has a sweet tooth. He loves chocolates of all kind but when he gets nervous he tends to go for chewier sweets like gummies

38. I don't think he blushes a lot I think when he gets embarrassed or nervous he tends to stutter and gets a bit clumsy

39. He used to have a bit social anxiety at school because he just isn't very good at talking to People he doesn't already know well but once he gets a connection with someone he gets comfortable and opens up

40. (He still gets anxiety as an adult that didn't just disappear but since there aren't many people at the Reserve that aren't there full time he just has his co-workers who quickly took him in and became his friends)

41. He knows how to do household spells and how to knit, Molly wouldn't let him leave without making sure he knows how to take care of himself

42. He has a messy but still readable handwriting

43. He's left handed 

44. Charlie doesn't like horror movies he always gets scared but not by jumpscares more the psychological horror (and not by Monster movies  because he has too much empathy for the monster)

45. I can also see him being (partly) vegetarian/vegan because he doesn't love the thought of eating animals

46. He has dimples

47. He can handle big injuries like a pro (breaking his arm won't make him leave work early) but he can't handle smaller more annoying injuries like abrasions very well and gets whiney 

[xpeachesncream]

get to know me tag

thank you for tagging me, babes! 💕 @mercurygguk @xiaokoo

tagging (please don’t feel pressured!): @chans-baby-girl @jimidol @firstraysofthedawn @namjooningelsewhere @sunflwrxclouds @lovelytaes-blog @invisiblefortoday @purplehearts1996 @jikookiekosmos @kithtaehyung-main @dntaewithluv @ddeseokielune @buzzyybee @siredsong @ressjeon @jinpanman + whoever else would like to join in 🥰

1. when is your birthday?

april 15th

2. what is your favorite color?

hunter green/forest green

3. what is your lucky number?

7, 11

4. how tall are you?

5′6

5. how many pairs of shoes do you own?

ouu lord, let’s just say a lot LOL

6. favorite song?

yes, i am still stuck on ‘love me like that’ by sam kim 🥺

7. favorite movie?

i’ll give you top 3 since i can’t exactly choose lol - the wood, selena, space jam

8. what would be your ideal partner?

to keep it simple, someone who’s real and someone who can cherish me just like i do with them. a ride or die, a homie, lover and friend. 

9. do you want children?

hm, no. not at this moment, not for awhile.

10. have you gotten in trouble with the law?

no lol

11. what color socks are you wearing?

none, just my grey house slippers haha

12. bath or shower?

shower shower shower

13. favorite kind of music?

pop, RnB, hiphop

14. how many pillows do you sleep on?

one, but i have two extras

15. what position to you sleep in?

right side, back, on my tummy with my leg out lol

16. what don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

when it’s too hot and the covers are already light as heck!

17. what do you eat for breakfast?

coffee? i typically eat my first meal at lunch time.

18. have you ever tried archery?

nope! would like to though!

19. what are your favorite fruits?

mango, strawberries, papaya

20. favorite swear word?

F U C K

21. do you have any scars?

on my left knee :) from riding my bike and falling off of it lol

22. are you a good liar?

i can be, yes. depending.

23. what is your personality type?

to be honest, i haven’t taken that test in a long time - however, to get down to the knitty gritty in simple terms, i care for my people and i will always put my people first! i can be an introverted extrovert? could take me awhile to warm up to you/people depending on the setting, but once i do warm up, i can talk. i can be way too nice, but i can also have an attitude lol i possess most of the aries personality traits, esp if you’ve known me for awhile 🤧😂

24. what is your favorite type of girl?

as long as we can get along and vibe, you’re my girl, i sweaaaar!

25. right or left handed?

right

26. favorite food?

filipino, japanese food

27. are you clean or messy?

clean

28. favorite foreign food?

japanese? i should also add i do love indian food and thai food!

29. how long does it take you to get ready?

y i k e s, maybe 15-30 minutes at most

30. most used phrase?

oh fuck lol

31. are you a good singer?

noooooOoOOO

32. do you sing to yourself?

yes

33. biggest fear?

shoot, i have a lot to be honest.. i guess one that instantly pops up right now is being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

34. do you like short or long hair?

i’m okay with either, kinda prefer long though

35. are you into gossip?

i mean if people need to vent, sure. but i don’t go looking for it lol

36. extrovert or introvert?

introverted extrovert

37. favorite school subject?

science

38. what makes you nervous?

driving HAHA fuck

39. who was your first real crush?

one of the people i grew up with

40. how many piercings do you have?

three

41. how fast can you run?

ah, i haven’t ran in a really long time due to my recovery. but i used to run 3 miles in 30 minutes? 10 min per mile? we’ll see when i work my way back into it

42. what makes you angry?

it takes a lot for me to get really angry but i think one thing that drives me crazy is when people wanna say shit about something they clearly don’t know much about.

43. do you like your own name?

sure, yes

44. what are your weaknesses?

big attitude, i get bored really easily, too impatient

45. what are your strengths?

i can be really passionate about certain things, determined, organized. lol

46. what color is your bed spread?

white and teal

47. what color is your room?

off white

[evenmoregreener]

Questionnaire of Laruku from B-PASS magazine (March. 1995)

Another translation of a translation from Russian. This "interview" was translated for Russian l'arc fan-club in 2018. I haven't found any other English translations on the net, so I decided that it will be interesting for you to read something like this. All credits are down below, big thank you to the original translator, what a great woman! 

The original Russian text has some typos plus English isn't my first language, that's why text might seem a bit of strange. About special signs: (translator's note) - notes of an original translator; "*" - my own notes; (?) - neither me nor the original translator understood the context. Please, enjoy!

1. Date of birth Hyde: 13th of Friday Tetsu: 3 of October Ken: 28th of November, Sagittarius Sakura: Secret 2. Blood type Н: Color of the blood - red Т: А or 0 К: АВ S: The hot blood of a man runs in my veins 3. Place of birth Н: Jelsarem's Rod Т: Kansai К: Alaska’s native S: Kingdom of Nerima (Nerima is a ward in Tokyo, where Sakura was born - translator's note) 4. Height, weight, shoe size, visual acuity Н: “?” Т: Small, light, 24,5 – 25 cm К: 178 cm, 56 kg, shoe – 25,5 cm S: 5 feet 8 inches, 120 feet, 10 inches, about 1,0 and 1,0 5. Body size Н: As in the previous Т: I don’t know К: I prefer В 85, W 58 H 88 S: “Nice body” 6. Which musical instruments and how many years do you play? Н: I've been playing guitar for 9 years Т: 11 years on bass К: From about high school S: Secret 7. Where did you work? Н: Mister Donats Т: At the record store К: Jewelry store, tutor S: Secret 8. Skills Н: Shaolin martial arts, second dan Т: Calligraphy К: Youth baseball S: Secret 9. Hobby and special abilities (besides music) Н: Bite Т: Radio controlled models К: Tetris S: To make people do something

10. Philosophy of life Н: Do not stick sticks into the rice Т: I sleep today for tomorrow, tomorrow I sleep for today. (a phrase from manga - translator's note) К: Hurry slowly S: Live today 11. Real name Н: Jiji Т: Teppi К: Jakenosuke S: Sakurajima Samuel Tarot

12. Favorite musicians Н: Depeche mode Т: Me К: The The (an English new wave band — translator's note) S: Ishihara Yūjirō (Japanese actor, singer, film producer - translator's note) 13. Favorite celebrity Н: Takeda Tetsuya (Japanese singer and actor - translator's note) Т: Me К: Isshiki Sae (Japanese actress — translator's note) S: Saburo Ishikura (Japanese actor - translator's note) 14. Respected people Н: Yoshitada Hirai * Т: Me К: Professor Ichinose S: Takakura Ken (Japanese actor - translator's note) 15. Favorite films and films that you’ve recently watched Н: The Omen. Recently watched Jurassic Park. Т: Favorite film – The Outsider, recently watched “Cría cuervos” (Spanish film of 1976 - translator's note) К: Perfect World, cried when watched, although usually I don't cry during films S: Jingi Naki Tatakai (Battles Without Honor and Humanity) 16. Favorite books (including manga) and books that you’ve recently read Н: Stephen King. Recently read compilation that’s called Night Souls (?). Pretty interesting. Т: «Harper’s Bazaar», Vogue Italia, recently read Matsumoto Hitoshi’s “Isho”. К: «Kirin», about motorcycles, novels for men. It’s a bit of awkward, but I buy Young Rose which I love to read for a long time. S: I can't list everything. 17. Alcohol and tobacco Н: Both, about 10 years already. Alcohol – a little, tobacco – one piece. ** Т: I don’t smoke. Alcohol – yes, except sake, I drink rarely though. К: I love Kassis, always have it at home, drink 2-3 times a week. I don’t smoke right now. S: Any alcohol, I can drink a lot. Per day I smoke more than two packs (Seven Star) 18. Do you love animals? Do you have any pets? Н: I do, but I have allergy. Т: I do. I had 5 dogs and one cat, now I don’t. К: I love obedient and loving. S: More than pets I love girls. 19. The concert that left the strongest impression Н: GASTUNK in EGG PLANT (legendary club in Osaka of 80’s - translator's note) Т: Shiki-Yakou (the name of tour Dead End of 1985) К: In Aichi Kinrou Kaikan (concert hall in Nagoya — translator's note) S: Radio concert Anikies (Dankon Anikies – fictional band that was made up by ken, sakura and kyo (Die in Cries), when ken and sakura were guests at kyo’s radio program «kyo MIDNIGHT　ROCK　CITY» on 9th of December, 1994 - translator's note) 20. Three most beloved albums Н: Some Great Reward of Depeche Mode, God’s Own Medicine of The Mission, La Vie En Rose of D'erlanger*** Т: Laruku’s new album, Tierra, Dune К: Black Sabath – Heaven & Hell; Cure - Disintegration; Kisugi Takao (Japanese singer and composer - translator's note) - Best collection S: Secret 21. Recently bought CDs and your impressions of them Н: No Т: Second Coming/The Stone Roses К: Suede (Britpop band - translator's note) S: Secret 22. Concert that you visited recently Н: Haven't been on the concerts for about a year, but sometimes before Shibuya live watched Modern Choki Chokies (a Japanese pop band from the early 1990s - translator's note) Т: Echobelly (a British rock band — translator's note) К: kyo-chan’s solo S: Secret 23. TV shows that you often watch and radio shows that you often listen to Н: Doramas and MIDNIGHT ROCK CITY Т: TV – BEAT UK, I don't listen to radio К: Yoru-ni dakarete (dorama of 1994 - translator's note), though it has already ended. I don’t listen to radio, since I don’t have one S: I’m interested neither in TV nor radio 24. Favorite dish, favorite color and flower Н: Japanese cuisine. Monochrome color. Flowers that grow well in an apartment, even if they are not watered Т: Sushi, tillandsia, cacti, I like all of the colors К: Favorite dish – ice cream, caviar, sushi. Favorite flower – orchid. Favorite color – silver S: Anton rib (dish that was mentioned in Kinnikuman - translator's note), sakura, black 25. Musical instruments that you can play and ones that you want to learn to play Н: Guitar, bass, acoustic guitar, would like to learn to play flute. Т: Several guitars and basses К: Guitar, bass, synthesizer. Would like to learn how to play saxophone S: Variety which you can find in stores 26. Thing that you want the most right now Н: Hot blood of some girl. Т: Sharp Zaurus P1-5000 К: Onsen, pool S: “?” 27. How do you spend your weekend? Н: Sleep Т: Vacantly К: Go back and forth S: Stay under the waterfall 28. What do you do when you are all alone at home? Н: Sleep and writing lyrics Т: Play the guitar, listen to music К: Watch TV… S: Drumming Japanese drums 29. A dream that you have seen lately. Н: Back at night souls of dead sheep were hurrying through the window, I was worried where they are going. I told Sakura: when the sheep will come back, let’s go after them, but they didn’t come back. Т: A dream where I somehow ended up eating sushi in America. К: Relocation S: In loincloth and a bandage on the head I wandered in a stormy sea. And that was awesome! 30. Most attractive feature Н: Compact, compact and compact Т: “?” К: Ankles. Strong side: strong legs. Weak side: often catch cold. S: 31. Role in the band. Н: Probably, bringing everybody together Т: President К: Am-group (?) S: Educator of the head of singing monkeys 32. Describe in one word what Laruku is Н: Cloudy sky after heavy rain Т: Rock band К: Rainbow S: Soul of a man 33. What do you expect from the other band members? Н: I’d like everybody to stay as healthy as they are now Т: Perfection К: Rainbow! S: Soul of a man 34. Where do you want to go abroad? Н: Paris Т: To America К: Any countries where I could live. To drive back and forth S: Country on the shore of the Japanese Sea 35. Where have you been? Where have you recently traveled? Н: During the vacation in September traveled to Nagano to visit Osamu's house four years later, I would like to live calmly in the district of Karuizawa station. Т: To Okinawa. It was beautiful. К: Morocco. It was hot. S: In Morocco I saw the waves of the Atlantic Ocean 36. What do you recommend to see in your hometown? Н: On the roof of Nisshou haitsu Т: A lot of yankees. К: The view on the fast stream S: Secret 37. Enjoyable things that you like during tours (except for concerts) Н: Food Т: Except for concerts, nothing (laughs) К: You can overeat S: Meet different locals with the soul of a man 38. What do you definitely do before the concert, what do you pay special attention to? Н: I am in a deep thought Т: I listen to Metallica at full volume К: Going to a toilet S: Warm up and stretch of the muscles 39. What do you pay special attention to before the interview? Н: I find out the topic Т: So as not to be late К: I try to be serious S: Worried about whether I can express and tell about my masculine soul 40. What do you carry with you all the time? Н: Watch and two bracelets because I like them Т: Nothing К: Bracelet, necklace - I feel uncomfortable without them S: Pants 41. Memorable thing Н: The bracelet that I bought when I first came abroad. I really wanted it, but pretended that I am not interested, and bargained. But since there is no set price, I don’t know if it’s cheap or not. Т: No К: Various guitars, they are associated with different memories. S: Secret 42. Three biggest news in the last six months Н: 1. Motoka’s wedding. 2. The house in front of my window was demolished. 3. Because of the house, which has now been built, the lighting has become worse. Т: Promotion trip; creation of an official fan club; award from the director! К: Couldn't go to the sea. Swam in a pool in Morocco. Was in onsen. S: Secret 43. Plans for the end of the previous year and the beginning of the new Н: Composing music and lyrics Т: Car driving and karaoke К: Continue visiting onsen. S: Polish my masculine soul 44. Your personal plans for 1995 Н: Enjoy work Т: Become an artist № 1 К: Necessarily swim in the sea. Master the butterfly S: Gain a soul of a man 45. Music that you listened to this morning or last night Н: Laruku’s new song T: Morning call from the manager K: Maribeth S: Pink Floyd 46. Dish that turns out well when you are cooking Н: Chinese cuisine Т: I can't cook К: Ikuradon S: Sashimi 47. The image of the ideal woman Н: An optimistic and domestic woman Т: No К: Fujiko-chan S: That looks like Shiraishi Hitomi (Japanese actress - translator's note) 48. Favorite sport Н: No Т: No К: No S: Judo 49. If I were born again... Н: I would like to become an astronaut and fly into space Т: I would like to be genius К: I would like to be a dolphin S: I would like to be a woman, in order to live and not talk nevermore about the "soul of a man" 50. Goals in life Н: Enjoy the rest of the years Т: It’s a secret К: Live a long life S: Soul of a man 51. One word for readers of our magazine Н: If you're not careful, I'll bite you! Т: Nice to meet you К: Hello, this is Ken. I'll continue in answer 52 S: Life in a loincloth and headband 52. Free theme Н: Woof Т: Nowadays Laruku are fully different! К: In 1996 I want to perform a lot at concerts. That is why we definitely will meet, so look forward! S: And this year there will be Anikies!

* Marked in credits to HYDE’s “Roentgen” album as an art director and designer. ** Probably he meant one pack. *** Was covered by HYDE in D’ERLANGER TRIBUTE ALBUM ~Stairway to Heaven~.

Translation from Japanese: Liubov Chachanidze aka Diana_ Translation into English by me (The Green Explosion inc.)  

Original: https://diary.ru/~l20arc-en-ciel/p216393417_anketa-iz-zhurnala-b-pass-za-mart-1995-goda.htm

[doloresdraws]

| time-lapse of the painting on my youtube |

❤ I wrote these for Twitter, but decided to post them here as well ❤

Werner Adler, Nosferatu residing in San Francisco, Embraced in 1970 in his mid 30s.

1. Werner is pretty chill most of the time, more than angry he gets frustrated from not being satisfied with his writing or when he says something that makes complete sense, yet the other person still fails to acknowledge it, especially when it is about something important.

2. I think he never believed in soulmates, until he met Leslie. Now when she is gone, a part of him is gone too.

3. His pet peeves: When people call themselves stupid or speak about themselves in a degrading way, especially women and children. Also when he sees grammar mistakes like they're/their, etc.

4. Unfortunately, what used to be his happy place now brings him a lot of pain, so he rarely allows his thoughts to venture there. When Leslie was still alive and he thought she was living a happy, fulfilled life somewhere, he often thought about their life together.

5. He has suffered from depression since his teens, but his happiest time was when Leslie said yes to his clumsy proposal, they got married and were planning their future together. Despite his coming and going depression and some bad days, she made him very happy.

6. His least happy time: Finding out that Leslie was dead, running to the hospital morgue and seeing and holding her lifeless body in his arms.

7. I think he is neither. He would sit at the bar minding his own business.

8. As a mortal, he never had any serious physical injuries (mainly because he was at home most of the time) As a vampire he got his wrist broken by the Gangrel who had found him after the Embrace, Werner didn't understand anything and wanted to just run away.

9. He doesn't really remember his Embrace as he was passed out sleeping, so the Embrace itself isn't a traumatic experience for him. There is a lot he would rather forget during his Kindred existence, but nothing tops his desperate attempt of Embracing Leslie's dead body.

10. His childhood wasn't exactly filled with many good memories. His parents argued a lot and it ended up in divorce that left him living with his quite overprotective mother. His fav memory would probably be time he spent hanging out with his best friend, a neighbor kid Mike.

11. Honestly, no, he doesn't have a type. He was seriously in love only with Leslie. They had a connection right away as she as an artist understood his need to be sometimes left alone with his writing and at the same time possessed quite a different, more positive outlook in life.

12. A pen that he bought from his first salary. Lucky for him, he was able to keep it even after his Embrace. Also his and Leslie's wedding rings and her journal that he stole after sneaking into her husband's hotel room and going through her things.

13. +14. No tattoos or piercings, even if he wasn't a Kindred/Nosferatu he wouldn't even consider it. He is quite old school, he doesn't really like them.

15. He had his dream house already. Not long before he got Embraced, he and Leslie had bought a house in a small town in Maine. It wasn't much, but they had so many plans for the garden and for the kid's rooms.

16. I think others, especially Kindred of other clans wouldn't probably expect him to be so well-mannered, gentle and well-spoken considering his dishevelled, unclean looks. He just sees no point in showering or caring for his look when he isn't really socializing with anyone anyway.

17. He is very thoughtful when it comes to gifts. He is that kind of person that would give you a present out of the blue, just because he would see something that he thinks you would enjoy.

18. He has a love-hate relationship with his writing. Some days he thinks he is really good at capturing the right mood with his words, other days he is questioning his writing skills and if he should even continue. He isn't proud of anything that he does, unfortunately.

19. A stranger would probably describe him as a sad man who desperately needs a bath and new clothes.

20. A close friend (Kayley) would describe him as kind & caring, but broken man who is trying his best and tries to do the right things.

21. He actually isn't concerned about his looks at all, he didn't care much about his looks even when he looked normal. His biggest insecurity is fear that somehow deep inside he is a bad person and that he somehow deserves what happened.

22. Physical: dexterity, non-physical: Intelligence.

23. If he knew that the lie was for his own good, he would actually appreciate the thought. If it was a lie to spare him from fear (I am looking at you Kayley) he would get upset at the sheer irresponsibility and the harm that could have happened and you would be in for a lecture.

24. He doesn't care much for the weather when he's spending most of his nights alone in his sewer haven, but he finds rainy nights inspiring and accurate to his own feelings of despair. He sometimes goes to the cemetery when it pours, stands in the rain and allows himself to cry.

25. He has no problems saying I love you to the people that he cares about when it feels right and appropriate to the situation. Though he usually never says it first, but more as a response :)

26. He doesn't like to talk about his worries - like when he was a mortal he really didn't like to talk about his fear of not having enough skill to make it as a writer, as he felt like he was failing Leslie to not make enough money for them to be able to raise a family.

27. He murdered a man that was a threat to Kayley and Jane. He really thought that there wasn't another way, but he sent the children away while he did it, so they didn't have to see. He was on the verge of frenzy and part of him could justify the murder as the man was a scumbag.

28. He isn't ticklish, but he would probably try to stop you tickling him anyway.

29. As a mortal, he had pretty low pain tolerance, but as a Nosferatu and after Leslie's death he realized that any amount of physical pain was nothing compared to the crippling pain and guilt that he feels inside everytime his mind slips and he thinks about what happened.

30. He wishes he had the courage to walk up to Kyle (Leslie's then husband) and tell him that he was sorry, that he was weak, selfish and negligent and that it was his fault that Kyle lost his wife and his unborn child. But of course, he never did it, and now Kyle is an old man.

31. Messy: feeding is a very stressful ordeal for him, he only feeds on the homeless men from his herd and he gives them money for it. It's always a terrible time for him, it takes him a while to actually bite down and then he wants to be done with it as soon as possible.

32. When 14 yo Kayley made him bite her after she found out the truth about what he was and she wanted a proof that it didn’t hurt when he fed on people, despite him reassuring her it didn’t. He was deeply hurt by this request, but he forgave her, he realized she was just a curious child, she didn't know how much pain this was causing him.

33. When Leslie found him and despite seeing how he changed, she still told him she loved him and was willing to stay with him. And maybe even more when they had met a few years later and despite the time, he could still see love for him in her eyes like nothing had changed…

34. Hard choice between vision & touch. Both would hinder his ability to write and that is that is the only thing that keeps him somehow sane. Well, together with caring for Kayley, but as she is growing older it is better she sees less of him and has a normal life.

35. He can hold on small talks pretty well,it's actually the only kind of talk he is willing to have with other Kindred after Leslie's death. Mirabelle especially noticed the change in his behavior, but she understands that they weren't really friends and she has no right to pry.

36. He would ask Leslie if she can forgive him for what happened to her and her unborn child. But the truth also is that he is absolutely terrified at the idea as he fears that the truth is that wherever she is, she hates him.

37. The past-so he would have never traveled to San Francisco, or at least he would have traveled to the night when Leslie came to him and this time he would be stronger and pushed her away, not letting her touch him... The future is pointless, there is nothing left there for him.

38. Positive - Leslie made him feel understood, Kayley - gave him some will to live back, Jane - made him feel like he made a difference in her life by persuading her to own her mistakes.

Negative - His Sire who made him question why he deserved this fate for his kindness.

39. He was used to live alone, then he met Leslie and then he was alone again. He was always a solitary person, so the solitude and isolation actually didn't even bother him after the Embrace.

40. The worst had already happened to him, so for a time there wasn't really anything that would make him terrified. But then he met Kayley and of course he fears for her safety as he feels responsible for her. He's afraid that her compassion will one day cost her her life.

Werner © me/doloresdraws

[aliceaddellheidde]

Hello lovely people 😃. I wanna say huge THANK YOU to all my followers.

When I started with this blog I had no idea that one day I´ll have over 100 200 of You!!! I came on Tumblr to read Queen/Bohemian rhapsody stories and slowly discovered many other fandoms I loved. Then one day I had an idea: "Maybe I can put my fan-fictions here too!" It was almost 3 years ago and here I am now 😎.

THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!! THANK YOU!!!

And as celebration for this milestone I prepared 100 questions You can ask me if You want to know me better. Don´t be afraid, I don’t bite (unless You ask me to 😉).

1. What’s your favourite way to spend a day off?

2. What type of music are you into?

3. Where’s the next place on your travel bucket list and why?

4, What are your hobbies?

5. Your favourite colour?

6. Would you say you’re more of an extrovert or an introvert?

7. What's your favourite ice cream topping?

8. What was the last TV show you binge-watched?

9. Do you have a favourite holiday? Why or why not?

10. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

11. Do you like going to the movies or prefer watching at home?

12. How old were you when you had your first celebrity crush, and who was it?

13. Do you have any pet peeves?

14. When you were a kid, did you eat the crusts on your sandwich or not?

15. What's your favourite season and why?

16. What's phone app you use most?

17. Would you rather cook or order in?

18. When is your birthday?

19. Where do you take inspirations for writing?

20. Do you have siblings?

21. What would be the first thing you'd do if you won the lottery?

22. What are you most proud of in the last year?

23. Which of your personality traits are you most proud of?

24. What do you regret not doing in the last year?

25. What’s on your bucket list?

26. If you had unlimited money to start your own business, what would it be?

27. Who would play you in the movie of your life?

28. What would you change about yourself if you could?

29. What did you want to be when you were small?

30. Do you like or dislike surprises? Why or why not?

31. Are you related or distantly related to anyone famous?

32. On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are?

33. How many languages do you speak?

34. What is your favourite body part?

35. If you could choose anyone, who would you pick as your mentor?

36. If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be?

37. If you could learn to do anything, what would it be?

38. Do you want to be immortal? Why and why not?

39. What did you do growing up that got you into trouble?

40. Are you a neat person or a messy person?

41. Where is your happy place?

42. Are you an on time person or a late person?

43. What is your biggest fear?

44. What’s been your biggest mistake so far in life and what did you learn from it?

45. What do you wish you had more time for?

46. What’s the grossest thing you’ve drunk?

47.What would an amusement park filled with your biggest fears be like? What rides would it have?

48.What do most people overestimate or underestimate about you?

49.What silly thing do you take a lot of pride in?

50.What would an amusement park designed specifically to make you happy, be like?

51.If a genie granted you 3 wishes right now, what would you wish for?

52. Did you ever write a journal?

53. Do you prefer making out or cuddling?

54. Where on your body is your favourite place to be touched?

55. Do you have any pets?

56. Never have I ever cut my own hair.

57. Ever met someone famous?

58. Do you have a favourite movie franchise?

59. Never have I ever gone skinny dipping.

60. If our world was a simulation, would you prefer to know?

61. Do you often get deja vu?

62. Would you rather be able to speak any language or be able to communicate with animals?

63. Ever been arrested?

64. Never have I ever sang in public.

65. Have you ever gotten writer’s block?

66. Have your ever disliked something and then changed your mind?

67. Never have I ever ridden a horse.

68. If you could have any exotic animal as a pet, which would it be?

69. Any kink/s?

70. Never have I ever cheated on a test.

71. Any weird habits?

72. Would you rather visit the International Space Station for a week or spend a week in a hotel at the bottom of the ocean?

73. Favourite animal?

74. Was the last thing you read?

75. Where are you from?

76. Favourite flower?

77. Never have I ever played a musical instrument.

78. What did you study at school?

79. Do you want kids?

80. How do you take your coffee?

81. Never have I ever thought a cartoon character was hot.

82. What´s a deal-breaker for you in relationship?

83. Are you a morning or a night person?

84. What personality type are you?

85. Are you left- or right-handed, and would you want to switch?

86. What type of partner do you want?

87. Never have I ever had surgery.

88. Favourite school subject/s.

89. What is your favourite part of a house, and why?

90. Have you ever stayed up all night to wait for sunrise?

91. Never have I ever gone commando.

92. How would people close to you describe you in three words?

93. How long have you been writing?

94. What do you think is the biggest problem you need help with in your writing?

95. How tall are you?

96. Never have I ever broken a bone.

97. Do you want to get married?

98. As a writer, what would you choose as your mascot/avatar/spirit animal?

99. Never have I ever been in a helicopter.

100. Question of Your choice.

~ If there is a link on a question, I already answered it 💜 ~

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 34

Chapter 34: Somebody

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6  🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8  🡪chapter 9  🡪chapter 10  🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20 🡪chapter 21 🡪chapter 22 🡪chapter 23 🡪chapter 24 🡪chapter 25 🡪chapter 26 🡪chapter 27 🡪chapter 28 🡪chapter 29 🡪chapter 30 🡪chapter 31 🡪chapter 32  🡪chapter 33

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

I never felt like this with somebody I never thought I'd feel like I do I never felt this close with somebody Somebody, somebody but you I never had this rush in my body I never thought I'd feel something new I never felt this close with somebody Somebody, somebody but you

Something 'bout you and the way we fit Like the stars in the night, heat of you on my skin Hadn't known you for long but it felt like years From the second we met I knew things would change

click here to be on the update list

PLEASE VOTE FOR ME, AM CONVERSATIONS, STUCK WITH YOU, NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOURS AND MY ONESHOT ON HERE!

NIALL

                                         A few days later, Devon and I had packed in silence. It was snowing and I kept glancing outside the window, seeing her from the corner of my eyes every single time. I knew I had been rough with her and I also knew that fucking her roughly against the wall of public toilets was a bad idea. At that time and with so much alcohol swallowed, It had seemed legitimate but now, I felt like an asshole and I had no idea how to handle it or what to think of it.

It was a good fuck, I wouldn't say different, but definitely not our best. I remembered the first time we had sex and the pictures she took, realizing she had never showed them to me, even if she had promised she would. Perhaps we had been so busy with our ex lovers and fighting with each other that we forgot about how amazing the few days alone at my apartment had been.

We remained silent a lot now and I hated it. I missed the sound of her laughter, her rambles and complaints, her comments while we watched a movie. The only thing I was still aloud to hear were the snores while she slept and I found myself sitting in my bed to listen to them a bit too much, and a bit too late at night.

I wanted to ask her to sit in the front seat with me in the car but I was scared she'd refuse and I was not even sure why it actually scared me anyway.

"Are you gonna ride with Lewis?"

"Mm, I'd rather ride with you." she admitted, glancing back at me before grabbing a hoodie and throwing it randomly in her bag. "Daxia and him are just getting on my nerves with their cute little nicknames and their non-stop affection. Did you know she sometimes pretends to purr? What the fuck?"

I let out a laugh and zipped my bag before turning around and letting myself fall on my bed to sit. "I know, I noticed. I think it's cute."

"Oh you would." Devon chuckled, shaking her head.

"What does that mean?"

She turned around to sit on her bed too, sending me a huge amused smile. It felt so good to laugh with her and feel like she actually cared about me that it made me want to lock the door and not go on that trip, keeping her here with me.

"The first impression you give is like, a fratboy." she admitted with a smirk. "Confident, a bit stuck-up, someone who brags all the time. Basically, you seemed to embody everything I hate in boys, especially those in college. But when we get to know you... you're a romantic, a softie. You've got the biggest heart I've ever seen in someone, and that makes you extremely endearing. That's why everyone loves you, that's the real reason you're so popular."

"Is it?" I just whispered, a bit shocked by all the compliments she had just thrown at me.

"Yes." she confirmed with a nod, sending me a fond smile that turned into a smirk. "Your face helps, too, I have to admit."

"Oh you think I'm handsome?"

She smiled more and tilted her head, nibbling on her bottom lip. "You know I do. Everyone does."

I wanted her to get up, walk to me and straddle me. I kept imagining her sitting on my lap, facing me, before her lips would meet mine. I couldn't stop thinking about my hands traveling on her body and her moaning in my mouth. I wanted her to whisper to me that she loved me while I made her cum. It sounded like the perfect scenario but I knew it wouldn't happen. I had made it clear I wanted more than just sex, and she made it even clearer that she didn't want a relationship. It was a mess, we were fucked, and I hated this situation more than I could explain. I didn't know how to handle it or change it. We had reached a deadlock and I couldn't find a solution.

Louis kept repeating me that she loved me but the more time passed, the less I was convinced. Was it even possible to resist that feeling for so long, especially when the other person is always so close? It didn't seem likely and my fate in the reciprocity of my feelings was faltering.

"My first impression of you was that you were a shy and boring girl." I admitted with a chuckle. "That's why I wasn't sure why I felt so connected to you. I don't think being around people who thinks art is useless is something I could easily do. But you turned out to be so fascinating, talented, funny and genuine. You're also a little cheeky minx, and I love how you don't let anyone walk over you, especially not me. And god knows I tried."

Her lips curled gently and she looked a bit embarrassed but I was not sure why. She licked her lips before pressing them together and finally, she chuckled.

"That's something I had promised myself when I left my old school, that I wouldn't let anyone walk all over me anymore. That I wouldn't be this... this vulnerable, naïve girl with so little self-esteem." she explained with a shrug. "It's nice to know I partially succeeded, even if it's hard to save my own heart, sometimes."

"Sometimes we just don't know how to really save it." I explained in a low tone, looking in her eyes. "Sometimes we just do it the wrong way, you know?"

"I don't know, I'm just trying the opposite of what I did last time." she confessed. I could read in her eyes how sad she was and it broke my heart.

"How does it feel so far?"

This time, she looked up and stared at me for a few seconds. "Not good."

I was trying to find the right words to tell her that she should give us a chance without being too aggressive but I couldn't find anything and after a while, my phone beeped. I sighed and grabbed it before reading Louis' text message.

"Okay, Louis is here. I didn't even know he was gone." I admitted with a frown.

"He's been so weird these days, and absent too. He's always super busy and doesn't answer my text messages."

"I think he's got a girlfriend."

Devon sent me a sad smile and shrugged a shoulder. I didn't know why she seemed so sad about it but I didn't try to find out. It was already hard to accept that she didn't love me the way I loved her, I really didn't need to start being jealous again, at least not of Louis.

"Yea that's one of my hypotheses, too"

We both grabbed our bags and got out of the building quickly, walking until we both spotted Louis' car. I held my breath but my lips finally curled when I noticed a cute brunette sitting on the passenger's seat and glanced at Devon to see her reaction. She didn't seem to think anything of it but I noticed she moved slightly closer to me.

"Look, I got to warn you two, Daxia invited Mandy and Noah, and one of them invited Abby." Louis let out as soon as we got close enough.

I glanced once again at Devon and at the same time, she had glanced at me. We shouldn't even care about Abby at all but here we were, and I was not sure why she was so much of a threat to Devon. Of course, I would be suspicious of Henry only because he's her ex boyfriend, so I could understand the aversion she felt for my ex girlfriend but at the same time, if Devon didn't love me, why was it such a big deal?

"Hey, Dev." Louis let out gently, grabbing her attention. "We won't let that ruin our trip, alright?"

She nodded and pressed her lips together before taking a quick look at the girl sitting next to Louis and then look back at him. "I'm gonna ride with Niall, okay?" she let out gently. "Give you two some intimacy."

She just sent him a fake smile and turned around. I was about to follow her when Louis yelled her name and she turned her head and raised her eyebrows up. "I just... I'm offering you the first drink, okay?"

It took her a while but she finally just nodded and we walked to my car before hopping in it. She threw her bags on the backseat and when I started the car, she immediately reached for the heating button.

"What's wrong? What happened between you and Louis?" I asked as I drove, following Louis' car the best I could.

"He's distant, and annoyed with me." she just shrugged. "People tend to get tired of me at some point but I honestly thought Louis was different."

"Devie, Louis isn't getting tired of you." I just explained, shaking my head. "He's got a new girlfriend, that's it. He's never gave up on me and he honestly could have many times. That's not how he is, trust me."

She remained silent but sighed and turned to look by the window. I would have given a lot to find out what was happening in her head but I didn't dare asking. We weren't back to being close, and we hadn't talked about those rough exchanges of words, whether it was the one we had late at night in the dark street or the one in the public toilets of a bar, and I was not sure we ever would. We could pretend everything was alright all we wanted, it was a lie. She was sad and I was in pain, and pretending we were fine was not going to change anything.

"Apparently, Daxia and Lewis are going to ride with Mandy, Noah and Abby." she finally said, taking me out of my thoughts. She typed something on her phone and my heart jumped in my chest when It made me realize that we were going to be alone again for a few hours. "That's a pretty loaded car." she added with a shrug.

"Not our problem."

"Nope, not at all." she agreed, leaning on the bench and bringing her feet up, placing them against the door of the glove box.

I noticed she had taken her boots off and even if it should bother me, it really didn't. I was in it very deep and I was literally drowning.

"That means we could have gone with Louis, save fuel and a car." she added, turning her head my way and making me chuckle.

"There's no way I'm riding with him. Not in that car. Plus, look at how slow he is. We're following him and it's a pain in my ass."

This time, Devon laughed genuinely and it made me smile. "I don't even ski, you know." she pointed out a few seconds later. "I'm just going because I'm really alone for Christmas this year, but I don't think I'll ski or anything. I brought canvases and paint, I've brought a few books and movies.. I mean I'll join you guys downstairs for a drink at night or a hot chocolate but I've never really been sportive or anything... and even less when it came to sports practiced in winter."

"Alright, no ski time for you. You know, we only go to spend time altogether. Some of us just also likes to ski."

The conversation continued for a while but when it stopped, Devon put music on and I started singing despite myself and she joined me. At some point she just stopped and even turned the volume down a bit. It made me chuckle and I glanced at her only to feel my heart jump in my chest at the way she was looking at me.

"Did I annoy you?"

"No." she whispered, leaning her head in the bench, sending me a fond smile and shrugging. "I just get so many feelings when you sing."

My smile fell and I licked my lips. It brought so many questions in my mind but every time I wanted to ask one, I stopped myself, either scared of the answer or of the way it would make her react. Before I knew it, we parked and took our stuff out, following Louis and his girlfriend in the hotel. We were walking in the lobby when Louis moved closer to us without looking at us.

"Look you two don't be pissed but, I sort of put both of you in the same room." Devon frowned while I raised my eyebrows and Louis just groaned. "Don't blame me. First off, the rest of us are sort of in relationships. I think Abby's got a room by herself so if either of you want to switch room to be with her, be my guest. Anyway, it's not like you two weren't used to share a room, right?"

We stopped near the counter but neither me or Devon had mentioned anything. Louis turned to us this time and his eyes moved from me to her and he finally rolled them. "Look I'm sorry, I just honestly thought you two would be dating by now."

I cleared my throat, feeling suddenly a bit uncomfortable, and noticed Devon bringing her shoulders up and wrapping her arms around herself, showing she felt pretty much the same. We had planned to meet in a few hours at the restaurant but it's only when Devon and I entered our room that my jaw dropped.

"I can... sleep on the floor if you want." were the only words my brain could form and express and it made Devon chuckle.

"Don't be silly, the bed's big enough for both of us." she replied, putting her bags near a side and taking her coat off before placing it on a chair. "Besides, it won't be the first time we share a bed."

Flashbacks of us cuddling in the bed of my apartment appeared in my mind and I blinked a few times as if it would make the memories even clearer. We had spent many days sleeping in the same bed but somehow, at that very moment, it felt totally different. I wondered if Louis had asked only for one bed for us because he honestly thought we were going to be together by now, or just because he's an asshole. Either way, it didn't change anything and I walked in the room to put my bags down.

I got ready to join our friends but when I got out of the bathroom, I noticed Devon in sweatpants with a book in hands. It made me frown and I grabbed my phone and my wallet, glancing at her.

"You're not ready?"

"Mm, no, I think I'd rather stay here." she admitted with a shrug. "I'm not really hungry anyway. Besides, I'm not really in the mood to see your ex girlfriend."

"Legit." I admitted, raising my eyebrows and nodding. "Do you want me to bring you something back?"

She looked up from her book and leaned her head against the pillow behind her. It made me want to kiss her and tell her once again that I loved her. It made me want to stay in the room to spend the whole evening with her.

"No, thanks, that's very sweet of you." she let out gently. "It's late anyway, I'll probably be asleep when you'll come back."

When I came back, however, she was not in bed. I frowned, realizing the lights were still on, and found her laying on the floor in a fetus position. She had put papers on the carpet to be sure she wouldn't make too much of a mess and she probably had forgotten her easel because her canvas was on the floor. I smiled when I noticed she still had a brush in hand and even more when I realized she fell sleep using yellow paint.

I turned to look at her panting and finally noticed the shades of orange and red all over it before crouching down to have a better look. I couldn't explain how good it felt to see her use other colors than dark grey and navy blue, and it made me wonder what exactly it meant. I took the canvas slowly and gently, placing it on the desk in the corner of the room before walking back to her and getting on my knees.

"Devie, hey, come on, let's get in bed okay?" I helped her up and she groaned, leaning on me and still half asleep.

I brought her in bed, laying her down and she quickly curled up again as I brought the covers over her. I got undressed and got under the blankets too, turning my body her way to look at her, my head leaning on my pillow. She looked peaceful and I noticed dried paint on her hands and forehead, wondering how long she had been asleep. The whole time I was at the table with my friends, I regretted not staying in the room with her but somehow, I knew she probably wouldn't have painted if I had been there, and the result was totally worth it.

"Mm, Niall."

I held my breath when she whispered my name and something twisted in my stomach. For a second, I wondered if she was awake but she started snoring softly again and I exhaled when I realized she had literally murmured my name while sleeping. It was the cheesiest thing ever and at the same time, I had never heard anything that made me happier.

"Don't worry Devie, I'm here." I whispered back. "I'll always be."