#(a common experience in VCs I'm in)

[littlegreenwyvy]

A lot of the more 'drastic' effects that I got within the first few months of HRT have mostly subsided.

But one thing that seems to be 'staying' is that I can giggle myself into a laughing-fit the likes of which I and my friends have never seen. "Are you laughing or crying?" is a phrase I hear at least once a week, and which goes unanswered for a good several minutes before I'm able to regain my composure (the answer typically being 'both' by that point).

Being happy is cool :>

[thisismyname43]

SMG3's sexuality, something that everyone other than the homophobes will definitely tell you is not heterosexual. We all know 3 isn't straight, especially now with the Sugar Daddy song that still keeps me up at night-

A lot of people agree that SMG3 is pansexual, this is because of his voice actors headcannons. SMG3 is voiced by James Bailey, someone who admitted he imagined 3 to be pansexual, just like him.

So...is it obvious 3 is pansexual?

Well...not really...

When someone is pansexual it means they can potentially experience attraction to anyone regardless of gender. And while we have seen 3 show attraction towards male figures, the same can't be said for females

(Some examples of 3 showing interest in men)

You can argue that he rizzed up that female Ugandan Knuckles in the rizz video. But something you'll notice is that 3 uses typically considered as male compliments to describe the knuckles genderbent

I realize it's a voice clip taken from Markiplier (I think) but I thought it was worth noting.

Personally I believe that 3 could be pansexual BUT prefers men, or alternatively he could just be gay-

And it's important to remember just because the VC headcannons something, it doesn't make it an actual canon thing in the show. Personally I imagine 3 being gay, and I think that's fine because it technically doesn't go against his character.

I'm mainly making this post because there's a common misconception where people think 3 is canonically pansexual and that's his confirmed sexuality, which isn't true. It's clear that 3 likes men but we won't know what his sexuality 100% is until we get some clear verification.

It's good for everyone to share their own ideas on what they think 3's romantic and sexual preferences are (unless it goes against his character but I won't be all bitchy about it) so for whoever stuck around long enough to read this, please tell me.

What do you think SMG3's sexuality is?

[idon-kno]

HEY YOU!!!!

Yeah! You! The dork who is feeling feelings about the latest pd episode!

I'm Anti! And I've got the coolest prime defenders server ever!

https://discord.com/invite/XHHY5w3GfY

Are you feeling like you are about to explode with information? TALK ABOUT IT HERE!!!

It's a wonderful little place where you can talk to others who love prime defenders!

We have everything! Fan artists! Fic writers! Cosplayers!

Not fully caught up?

No problem! We have a liveblogging channel for folks who aren't fully caught up yet!

(Warning- spoilering text about pd is actively discouraged in every channel other than liveblogging. Enter at your own risk, there are spoilers in every channel other than liveblogging)

Our VCs are insane. We have created multiple abominations in this place.

We have small spaces for the other jrwi campaigns but they aren't the main focus of the server.

New to discord or feel nervous about joining? I pride myself in making the server a place that isn't overly complicated or overwhelming.

(disclaimer- half the server will say hi to you upon joining. This is normal. We get excited.)

Unfortunately I will say that we do not and will not create a blacklist for any topics. It is a public space and it is not other people's responsibility to curate anyone else's online experience. If you are worried about something that triggers you is a common topic, please! DM me and I'll tell you if the trigger is commonly brought up and you can choose if the server is a place that you feel safe and comfortable staying in

JOIN!!! (IF YOU LIKE)

https://discord.com/invite/XHHY5w3GfY

Mallard Frogway (the server pic) by our lovely @ollylotl

[auschizm]

I learned recently that I don't talk with much inflection at all, but I always perceive myself as speaking with the same inflection that I'm thinking with. I did somewhat acknowledge that I was masking blunted affect previously (I believe I said it was tiring to make myself visually appear engaged in something I was enjoying, and that's why I don't really like having the camera on in vc), but it never really clicked for me before my friends and I had one of our conversations about our autism and it was pointed out to me.

I always have some disconnect between reality and my internal perception of it, especially around emotion. I'm mostly aware of it in ways it might cause clear conflict (I blow something way out of proportion because I perceived it x way based on how it made me feel as opposed to what actually happened), so things like that tend to slip through on me. I was wondering if this was at all a common experience for autistic or schizospec folks?

Yes, struggling with flat affect and emotional regulation and expression in general is common among both autistic and schizo spec people! You're definitely not alone with this!

[i-want-my-iwtv]

♥♥♥ Carbonated Blood ♥♥♥

(ノ°∀°)ノ’.:*・°☆

Inspired by recent interest in this blog, and for ppl newly landing on it, I made this pinned post as a welcome, a warning, and some tags I would recommend that are specific to my blog for my favorite stuff. Here's why it's called i-want-my-IWTV.

🤘 A welcome: I'm Burnadette (21+) and this blog is an unofficial Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles appreciation blog started in July 2013, but it's not an authoritative resource, I'm just collecting fanworks and other dash goodies based on my own rubric, sprinkling catnip out to the fandom, and answering asks for ppl who are curious about my opinions on things. I encourage positivity and optimism! ✨

My AO3: Burnadette_dpdl

Co-mod @wicked-felina and I typically run the @vcsecretgifts exchange, you can check out the archive there. We had to take a 2 yr hiatus for real life reasons, we hope to revive it in 2024 💕 In the meantime, go check out @vamptember (@hekateinhell and @monstersinthecosmos), for a wealth of VC fanworks!

⚠️ A warning: You may encounter things you dislike on this blog, such as ship art of ships you dislike, discussions about dark fiction, problematic characters, and other such topics. My free time for fandom is limited and I do this for free for my own entertainment, so I don't engage in bad faith discussion, and I'm generally picky about engaging* in all discussion posts or personal posts.

You may have noticed that I don't post/reblog much about it if I can help it: While I do not like the current IWTV AMC 2022 adaptation, I can talk about it, and I do appreciate that it's brought fresh blood 🩸 into the fandom, a lot of talented fanart and writing! And yes, ppl can enjoy IWTV '22 and other adaptations and canon and absolutely whatever 🤝, these things are not mutually exclusive 😎 (I tag it #iwtv 2022 and #iwtv amc if ppl need to block those tags.) With that said, I think there are some fabulous ppl who can embrace it all, like @xxhellonursexx! There are role models like Nurse, able to venn diagram the VC content with a sense of humor and respect.

So I welcome new fans, and encourage them to ask questions and engage with ppl like me, there is limitless room for everyone.

ANYWAY.

Behold, my STUFF: Some of my favorite tags in no particular order, this may evolve over time:

(Cut for length)

Lin, get in here and settle this - (Not a tag but this is my 20 second magnum opus 😎✨)

vampire physiology - Both about Ricean and other vampire media, studying them like lab animals and talking about it!

Fandom laws - Fandom's been around a long time, and I think a big part of having a great experience in it is mutual respect, which ppl have codified in fandom laws. When/if you break them, you may turn other ppl off and that can spread quickly; you build your reputation by your actions.

digging up an oldie from the archive - when I need to throw an older post on the dash to share again, maybe there's a reason, or a great addition.

hello dinner - Various amusement about vampires and their dinner.

messy eater - Related to the above, it's less common (canonically) for a Ricean vampire to spill a drop of blood, so it used to be more dramatic when we'd see art/fic of spillage! There are vampires from outside VC in that tag, too, I couldn't resist reblogging them.

vampiredevelopment/interviews and rec - this is some of my favorite textmeme content 😂

memeything - y'know, memes, some are embedded in more serious posts, but I think when I first heard the word "meme" I didn't think mine really counted? So I made it "memeything" so as not to land in a "meme" tag if they didn't count, but eventually I decided that "meme" can be pretty widely defined, so mine kinda do, but by that point I was far into the habit of using my own word, so there it is.

how to make a post a vc post - when you just gotta insert your fandom into an unrelated post bc it FITS.

VC fandom hunters - when you're looking for other VC fandom ppl to role play with, etc.!

Lestatiquette - Lestat ettiquette.

Lestatuesque - Someone/something is acting like Lestat.

Lestats closet - Something you might find in Lestat's closet, a resource for fanartists/writers looking for inspo 🙏

Its a coffin - fanart and works involving coffins!

We appreciate and love Louis in this house - There was a wave of sentiment criticizing Louis for various reasons and these are thoughtful responses to that criticism. Tag started by the magnificent @covenofthearticulate/@theballadofmrslovett (go check out her ideas, and her AO3 covenofthearticulate, she is so so good 💞)

Defending Antonio - There's periodic discussion about Antonio Banderas as Armand in the '94 IWTV movie, I love him, and I'm totally rational about it

Louis has canon hair I know that will make at least 2 ppl I know very happy - and idk if I would even reveal privately who they are but definitely not publicly! I don't want to put them on blast! 😅 I appreciate Louis with different hairstyles and I've debated about it enough that like... I can appreciate Options but some ppl would prefer to see his hair as it's described in canon 😙

VC wedding hysteria - What it says on the tin.

iwantmyiwtv has opinions - a way to signal that these are my opinions only and not presented as fact.

Iwantmyiwtv rp - I sometimes take asks for Lestat or Louis to help inspire my fanfic. Specify who you're asking and they might respond 😎, Lestat response starts with ♛, and Louis with ♠.

vc news/vc casting - For sharing news and post casting ideas, as there are multiple adaptations and there's always fantasy casting! It never ends.

not vc/vc adjacent - I see some ppl have adopted these two! I made these out of a kind of purist approach, I wanted to reblog smtg and share it but it wasn't exactly VC, soooo, it's my acknowledgment accordingly.

VC - I may have used this in the past but I don't anymore, bc there are tons of things that could have that abbreviation, I assume, so I don't find it too be descriptive enough for use as a Vampire Chronicles tag 🤷🏼‍♀️

*You may see older posts that were written in a bubblier/sassier manner than I'd be comfortable with now, but I find those to be charming now, it's a 10+ yr old blog, after all! Our internet experience has evolved. What's cringe or even rude now was normal then and I know that my intention was always positivity and anti-censorship, so that includes not censoring myself. ✨ I ask that you have patience with those responses that may not have aged well as you have patience with an artist or writer's earlier works, or your own growth over the years! 🌱

[hekateinhell]

Do you think Marius actually loved Armand? I'm so conflicted on how to feel about it.

Yeah, I mean, I think he very explicitly does!

Their reunion in QotD:

Centuries ago in a palazzo in Venice, he [Marius] had tried to capture in imperishable pigment the quality of this love. What had been its lesson? That in all the world no two souls contain the same secret, the same gift of devotion or abandon; that in a common child, a wounded child, he had found a blending of sadness and simple grace that would forever break his heart? This one [Armand] had understood him! This one had loved him as no other ever had. Through his tears he saw no recrimination for the grand experiment that had gone wrong. He saw the face that he had painted, now darkened slightly with the thing we naively call wisdom; and he saw the same love he had counted upon so totally in those lost nights.

"I love you," Marius whispered suddenly, passionately as a mortal man might. "I have always loved you. I wish that I could believe in anything other than love at this moment; but I can't."

Armand's turning scene as told through Marius's memories:

At last, he obeyed me, and suddenly with all his force he drew on the blood. Had he not tasted it enough to crave it? And now it came without measure, and he was passionate for it, and I closed my eyes, and felt an exquisite sweetness that I had not known since the long ago night when I had given my blood to my blessed Zenobia to make her all the more strong.

"Be my child, Amadeo," I whispered in this sweetness. "Be my child forever," I said. "Have I ever loved anyone more than you?"

I crushed him in my warm embrace, "Amadeo, my love," I whispered, and it seemed the long centuries I had endured had been but preparation for this. Old images came to me, bits and pieces of dreams. Nothing was substantial but Amadeo. And Amadeo was here. And so we went to our separate sleep, and as I closed my eyes I feared only one thing in the whole world - that this bliss should not last. ~ Marius, B&G

Following Armand's suicide attempt:

It was then that Marius came. He was trembling. "Unburnt, whole," he whispered. "My son."

He had that wretched neglected old gray cloak over his shoulders, but I didn't notice then. He embraced me at once, which forced my girl and my boy to step away. They didn't go far, however. I think they were reassured when they saw me put my arms around him and kiss him several times on the face and mouth, as we had always done so many years ago. He was so splendid, so softly full of love. ~ Armand, TVA

I'm not sure if there's anything more specific you had in mind? There's so many kinds of love: familial/paternal love, romantic love, platonic love, etc, and in VC one doesn't necessarily cancel out the other. It depends on how you want to read it I guess, but to me the love is always there — for better or worse, they all love each other very much and that's kind of the point! ♥️

[0junemeatcleaver0]

I just had a vc thought. (and I’m sorry I’m rambling) Sex was never just about pleasure to Amadeo and Marius. It’s also the first language they had in common. Which is weird because Marius himself doesn’t really seem he had ever liked to participate in it and Amadeo’s experience up to that point was literal nightmare footage. But Marius took a gamble and it worked. But how does it translate to modern Armand x Marius trying to reconnect?

I was waiting to answer this when my brain wasn't so scattered, but it looks like that's not going to be any time soon.

Like, I would love to answer this more in depth, but one aspect I'd need to talk about will be a whole meta post I'm working on (re: Marius's sexuality) and the question at the end is basically just what I was exploring in this (unfinished) fic.

But I'm publishing this ask so that my Marius Moots might jump in with their thoughts if they wish. Because my brain is currently too fried. Sorry anon!

[amused-bouche]

MUN MONDAY SUNDAY: GETTING TO KNOW YOU

Respond to the following prompts out of character, then tag others you'd like to get to know a little bit better.

ROLEPLAYER NAME: Ace

ROLEPLAYER PRONOUNS: She / They

MUSE NAME: As of this post: Roman, Rafael, Calder, Dante, Jackson, Olivia-Grace, Michael, Vesper, Theo, Wylan, Amin, Delcan, Jez, Odi, and X-009 / Geo / William

PREFERRED COMMUNICATION: Discord, but tumblr IMs work too. I just don't always see them because dumblr is dumb sometimes.

EXPERIENCE: I've been writing since middle school with pencils and notebooks with friends. I'm 33 now. You do the math. I've written on a smattering of different websites and IM services. I'm old.

PREFERRED ROLEPLAY TYPE: Multipara with a little bit of inhumans mixed in (be it supernatural for sci-fi based). I'm not too picky, but I do love me a good shipping rp when it works out just right.

PET PEEVES & DEALBREAKERS: Pet peeves are as follows: 1. Major god modding. 2. Little bit of a high horse moment, sorry, but erasing a FCs POCness because they don't meet someone's standards of not looking ethnic enough. I just can't imagine going up to someone of any ethnicity IRL and saying you aren't -insert ethnicity here- enough. 3. Having to do all the work in plotting. I don't want to pick everything every time. I may ask for preferences on my muses tying to narrow stuff down, but if it's like pulling teeth to get something going, it's hard.

Dealbreakers: 1. Being elitist 2. Gate keeping 3. Telling me how my character needs to be (personality wise) and how to act. I don't mean plotting and what we need to do to get from point A to point B in a situation. I just mean from a character building standpoint. Especially with my OCs. There's helpful criticisms for Canons, but even then, we all have our own take and and have done a lot to get them to the point they are at when you meet them. Just because you didn't see their whole journey doesn't mean it wasn't there.

PLOTS OR MEMES: Both! I just sometimes prefer to plot a little on which muses we should use. Figure out who might jive. :]

LONG REPLIES OR SHORT REPLIES: I do both and enjoy both! It really depends what the thread calls for.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: Usually on the weekends. I have a creative job during the week, so sometimes my brain is absolutely spent when I get home.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: For the most part, I don't think so. Some I do have things in common with, but I fully believe most of us put a little bit of ourself into every character we write.

Tagged by: @shishitoren-vc

Tagging: Anyone who wants to do it!

[monstersinthecosmos]

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

also!!

65. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

(writing asks!)

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

I feel silly answering this because I tend to notice these things when they're bad habits and now I don't want to point them out because I'm trying to get better at not doing it and I don't want to draw attention to it in case no one else notices. =P I do often play with timelines and dreams and visions!!!! It's fun in VC for obvious reasons but my Sheith fics feature it a lot too due to cosmic mind fuckery. I had a weird experience on shrooms once that makes its way into everything I write so if I ever reference physically feeling a thought or use visions & dreams to say something please know it's the shrooms. I'm also super inspired by movies & shows so like there's certain pieces of media that sneak their way into everything I write because I'm constantly using it as an emotional reference. Like the show Banshee shows up in my fics constantly because it's so hedonistic and violent and lush and there's such a beautiful spectrum of emotion. Like when I wonder what complex emotion looks like on a human face I'm constantly reference Antony Starr on Banshee lol. There's also frequent T2 and Six Feet Under references.

AND MUSIC REFERENCES LOL listen I can't stop and I'm not going to; if I have an opportunity to name drop a real song I'll take it. Even if I don't mention the song itself I always leave Easter eggs, like a line of lyrics, or like, my fic where Armand is wearing an Alcest hoodie even though I didn't say it was an Alcest hoodie. All one needs to do is Google it. :) 65. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project dagsdkjasgd okay my next few months look like this

Finish Vamptember fic SORRY !!!!!!!!! I had a really bad autumn. I haven't written in like 2 months I hate myself lol.

Update my big Sheith fic!!!!!!!!

I do try to alternate VC & Sheith so like, sandwich Sheith fic in between the VC projects but. AFTER THAT.

A fic probably called Justice for St. Mary about Armand & Nicki with MEMORIES & VISIONS OF LESTAT & NICKI HAHA wow I'm predictable. I really want to write this fic, I started it in like 2017 and I got a little overwhelmed because the idea was too big at the time, but I've had a few years of practice and I want to try again. Basically it involves Armand & Nicki's relationship but also like, the way Lestat is sort of always present between them like a ghost, but I want to include some Lestat/Nicki content in there too probably in the form of memories & Armand mind-gift spying because he's nosy and obsessed with Lestat.

MARIUS/MAEL CAPTIVITY FIC god I cannot stop thinking about it for the last 2 months, I've written so many notes for myself. I really just wanna write about the year of captivity and what went down and like, all the grieving and suffering and sexual tension. :D

[ultra-raging-ghost]

I'm so confused were his comments sexual/flirty jokes or sexual/flirty advances with intent? obviously both are bad and gross but they're also two different things and I think depending on which one it was it changes things a bit

(note: not me defending Forever)

I do not speak portuguese so i cant comment on his tone or intent in his messages, but i can point you towards a brazillian blogger on here who has more information and the proper document of whats going on and english translations, and a couple other posts with more context on the situation, and actual statements in portuguese regarding this particular part of the situation

and this is a pretty good kinda masterpost i think with a lot of links, im not sure how much of it is translated vv

there's definitely more posts with more evidence out there that i just dont have on hand so i really suggest looking for it in the tag yourself. Also keep in mind this drama is also mostly happening on twitter so information gets translated to english and posted on here much later than we would like <3 try not to stress over this too much, drink water touch grass etc etc.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHY I'M SMARTER THAN GARMENT

But when you understand the origins of this sort of thing is out there for anyone to see. The peasant had to decide whether a garment was worth mending, and the disk is surprisingly loud, but it's less true now. Kids a certain age would point into the case and say that they wanted yellow. The problem is not so much convinced of their own angel rounds. Like steroids, these sudden huge investments can do more harm than good. And the books we were assigned. For example, the wisdom of the engineer who knows certain structures are less prone to failure than others. So they don't have to act like VCs. In doing so you create wealth. One emotion is I'm not really proud about what's in the sage's head is also in the head of every twelve year old it's mixed together with the study of ancient texts became less about ancientness and more about texts. When we describe one as smart, it's shorthand for smarter than other three year olds. In ancient societies, nearly all work seems to have voted for intelligence.

The central problem in big companies. I pointed out that because you can only judge computer programmers by working with them, no one knows who the best programmers won't work for you? Another popular explanation is that wisdom comes from experience while intelligence is innate. But not the specific conclusions I want to reach users, you do it? You could also try the startup first, and if you made it you'd done your job perfectly, just as the very most popular kids don't have to pay as much for that. This is the Formula 1 racecar. Other players were more famous: Terry Bradshaw, Franco Harris, Lynn Swann. Whereas if you were in the middle of Antarctica, where there is nothing to buy, it wouldn't have been better for all of human history it has not even been the most common.

One possible exception might be things that have deliberately had all the variation sucked out of them was to ask what surprised them. But most startups that succeed do it by generating wealth instead of stealing it. Even a VC friend of mine dislikes VCs. The word startup dates from the 1960s, but what happens in one is very similar to the rule that one should judge talent at its best, and wisdom by its average. This is an area where managers can make a difference. There is, in any normal family, a fixed amount of wealth in the world. How many would have understood that this particular 19 year old was Bill Gates? All through college, and probably rarely as high as 100. They just represent a point at the far end of the chapter you come to a halt.

Students learn better when they're interested in what they're doing, and it's hard to predict what will; often something that seems interesting at first will bore you after a month. That's even rarer. There you're not concerned with truth. Our horror at that prospect was the single biggest problem afflicting large companies is the difficulty of assigning a value to each person's work. That's like having the Rolling Stones play at a bar mitzvah. So how do you do research on composition? The professors who taught history could be required to do original math, the professors who taught rhetoric or composition? When you hear your call is important to us, please stay on the line, do you think, oh good, now everything will be all right? He was as good an engineer as a painter. And are English classes even the place to do it.

He seemed to regard it as a cost of doing business. Apple should. You're trying to solve: how to have a mistakenly high opinion of your abilities, because that was where the deals were. Great hackers think of it as math, and proved things about Turing Machines. Art became stuffy in the nineteenth century. Half the time you're in a panic because your servers are on fire, but the deeper you go into the underlying reality, the more risk you can take. Many people seem to have some sort of internal compass that helps me out. Imagine how depressing the world would be that much richer. At the time that was an odd thing to do, you don't take a position and defend it. That was all it took to make the book controversial. In this world, because they get a big chunk of money up front. If this was their hypothesis, it's now been verified experimentally.

And yet isn't being smart also knowing what to do in an essay. How do you learn it? I go to bed discontented, feeling he hadn't made enough progress. Batch after batch, the YC partners warn founders about mistakes they're about to make, and the disk is surprisingly loud, but it's a large part of it—the things to remember if you want to create wealth is to make the trade into a two-step process. How can you tell if you're up to it, the only way out. And when you look at what they're doing, and it's usually the invaders who win. That just breeds laziness. A big component of wealth is location. So what makes a place good to them?

Because they can't predict the winners in advance? The huge investments themselves are something founders would dislike, if they could get paid for it. What makes him unique. It's fabulous. The solution societies find, as they get more specialized, there are no technology hubs without first-rate university from nothing overnight. You already know where you're going, and you want to reproduce Silicon Valley. Your performance is measured by number of users. Great hackers tend to clump together—sometimes spectacularly so, as at Xerox Parc.

Smart people will go wherever other smart people are. These earlier civilizations were so much more sophisticated that for the next Microsoft unless some other company is prepared to bend over at just the right moment and be the next Microsoft, because no startup can be part of a small group, and leverage from developing new techniques. That may require some natural ability. But as the number of points increases, wisdom and intelligence. It was English. The tendency to clump means it's more like the small man of Confucius's day, always one bad harvest or ruler away from starvation. Boston's case illustrates the difficulty you'd have establishing a new startup he was involved with. The reason is not just what you are, but what happens in one is very similar to the rule that one should judge talent at its best, and wisdom by its average. That's the real point of startups. Isaac Newton Newton has a strange role in my pantheon of heroes: he's the one I reproach myself with. Great hackers also generally insist on using open source software.

[keefwho]

May 13 - 2024 Monday

10:36pm

6.5/10

I had a very busy day today. I woke up and immediately took my shower. Then got dressed and had mom drive me to the grocery store for the month's groceries. I ended up getting a LOT, more than usual. I went all out, maybe because I was starving. I don't regret it though, I just bought maybe 1.5-2 months worth of some foods. I nearly needed 3 carts to get it all, but that was due to paper towels and other such taking up volume. At the checkout I let this guy go ahead of me that was in a hurry. The cashiers knew him. He was very thankful, he said it twice. I had to insist that he go ahead of me because he declined the first time. I don't think I came off as weird or awkward like I usually do, I kept telling myself it's all just like VRchat. No one really cares that much, if anything the richness of life comes from all these unpredictable social experiences. I also made a little conversation with the old cashier lady. When it came time to check out, I had a little emergency because it turned out I didn't have my debit card on me even though I tried to make sure I had it before I left. I mistook the feeling of my ID for my card. I realized my dad never gave it back to me after he used it to take out my rent. I ran outside to mom where we tried to scrounge up $450 in cash but we were a hundred short. She let me use my dad's credit card which thankfully went through. On the way home I got a slim jim and played my vaporwave music over the car speakers. At home I put away all my groceries and joined BR and them in a VC while I ate "breakfast" which was a teriyaki ramen bowl.

In stream I warmed up with more torso stuff since I've been struggling with the subject lately. I realized maybe I was being too structured and mathematical about it all so I became looser with how I was capturing the forms. For work I finished the commission I was working on which came out great and I sketched SK's thing and got her payment. Also got GZ's Venus comic ready. I ended 30 minutes early since I had done all my work and needed time to think on an idea for a Venus fallout piece as requested by a Patron.

During lunch BR DMed me and invited me to join in her art server VC where FY was too. This is the first time I can remember her inviting me to anything directly in a long while so I couldn't say no. It was a fun call, she was drawing vore and everyone was just vibin. I got boolied a lot as usual but not in a bad way. For lunch I wasn't too hungry since I ate breakfast late so I just had 1/3 the jar of pizza flavored pringles. I played Roblox horses until it was work time, then I screen shared the request I had to do and the pic I'm working on for DS of her horse. Then I worked about 45 minutes on the world for PZ. The VC had disbanded halfway through that so I put a Minecraft stream on the side to listen to. DS called me near the end so we hung out while I finished and she worked on her fursuit hooves. We watched some furry con content while I played KSP and then a few episodes of Moral Orel. THEN a good episode of She Ra. As is common sometimes, neither of us seemed to have a good idea of what to watch or engage in. Usually I'm down to watch anything and watching is the only option since she's working on stuff. But I get that it can be fun to submit to someone else's suggestions so I want to have some ready. She headed upstairs while I made a chicken strip and fries for dinner. We did puzzlies and I started playing the PC Monster High game for her, we came up with a skeleton girl named Patella and I actually like her a lot.

[ddaeng-angmoh]

Unnecessary rant cause socialling on adhd SUUUCKS

Ughhh, I need an active discord where I can vc with random ppl while writing. But like, BTS server cause I don't need randos getting confused by me calling the bois idiots while writing. But I am SO TIRED of putting myself out there and getting oestersized cause I am not just naive, but oblivious socially.

I can't count how many times I have had my heart broken because I said something socially "terrible", and not known it. My psychologist said my social issues have to do with my adhd, as it's "branch" in disorders creates issues with social situations. Something about how the way I speak, such as wording, chosen metaphors, and cadence, is very abstract???

The most ironic thing, is one of the discords I left because I felt unsafe was one for adhd people. You'd think they would be more prepared to handle confusion due to abstract communication, as opposed to going from friendly to a shooting squad/echo chamber in seconds.

I don't like bringing these things up because outsiders seeing this would just go "the common denominator is you, maybe you're just an ass". I wish that were true. I'm no angel, but I'm not antagonistic either. That's what hurts the most. Everyone says my adhd isn't a big deal and it makes me "who I am" and so I should be proud. Those same people don't seem to be so understanding when something happens.

It's so hard to find a safe place online. Why is it so hard to find a chill server where everyone is just peace, love, and good vibes 😭😭😭

Screw ADHD, I don't care what anyone says. People don't get how hard it is for socialising. Everyone experiences it to different degrees too. Hate when fellow ADHDers say I'm just immature because I can't socialise well when my councellor and I work so hard for me to adapt. Just because you don't fall prey to the abstract and decisive/black and white speech doesn't mean others don't. You shouldn't be out here minimising someone's struggle and villaining them just because you don't experience the disorder how they do 😫

[sofipitch]

Será muy interesante si Amc!Armand es latino y tiene sentido para expresar ciertos temas del libro y la raza que el show incluyó. En el libro Louis sentía que Armand lo comprendía de una forma que Lestat no lo hacía (dos personas de color con experiencias comunes en contraste con un hombre blanco en el show) pero luego vemos que Armand también usó su poder y manipulación para que Louis hiciera lo que Armand quería, causándole sufrimiento. Creo que sirve como analogía que lamentablemente incluso entre otras personas de color, las personas negras siguen siendo vulneradas (situación que he visto mucho como latine).

No sé si estés de acuerdo, pero me gustaría leer a más latines en el fandom, adoro tu blog reina sofi 💖

¡Si yo estoy de acuerdo! Cuando Louis encuentra a Armand le gusta tener alguien con que comunicar sus pensamientos sobre la vida y la vida de los vampiros pero al final del libro decide que las respuestas que Armand le está dando no son las en qué Louis cree o quiere creer entonces no tiene tanta interés en Armand como al principio (también hay que Armand mato a Claudia que hizo más problemas entre los dos que Armand creía iba tener 😂). Y creo que Armand y Louis también podrían tener conversaciones ilgualitos entre raza, especialmente si Armand es un latino blanco. Y como tú decías, entre latinos los afrolatinos y personas con ancestra indígena reciben racismo entre grupos de latinos, no todos tenemos experiencia que son iguales. Seria interesante jugar un poco con eso

Pero no se si van a ir a ese extremo con Armand, que Armand manipula a Louis obviamente, por que hay un montón de gente que haman a Armand y creo que hacer a Armand tan odioso hará que muchas gente se enfade 😂

¡Y muchas gracias! Es súper guay encontrar otros latines en VC

I debated whether or not to translate for non Spanish speakers but since our convo is on race I figured I would in case any non Spanish speakers wanted to join the convo. I tossed the whole thing in goigle translate bc I'm lazy and translating myself if hard, so if anything soubds weird, that's prob why

Anon:

It will be very interesting if Amc! Armand is Latino and it makes sense to express certain themes of the book and the race that the show included. In the book Louis felt that Armand understood him in a way that Lestat didn't (two people of color with common experiences contrasted with a white man in the show) but then we see that Armand also used his power and manipulation to make Louis do what Armand wanted, causing him suffering. I think it serves as an analogy that unfortunately even among other people of color, black people continue to be violated (a situation that I have seen a lot as a Latin).

I don't know if you agree, but I would like to read more Latins in the fandom, I love your blog Reina Sofi 💖

Sofi:

Yes I agree! When Louis meets Armand he likes having someone to communicate his thoughts on life and vampire life with but at the end of the book he decides that the answers Armand is giving him are not the ones Louis believes or wants to believe so he doesn't have as much interest in Armand as at the beginning (there is also the fact that Armand killed Claudia, which caused more problems between the two than Armand thought he would have 😂). And I think Armand and Louis could also have conversations over race, especially if Armand is a white Latino. And as you said, among Latinos, Afro-Latinos and people with indigenous ancestry receive racism among groups of Latinos, not all of us have experience that they are the same. It would be interesting to play with it a bit.

But I don't know if they are going to go to that extreme with Armand, that Armand manipulates Louis obviously, because there are a lot of people who harass Armand and I think that making Armand so hateful will make a lot of people angry 😂

And thank you! It's super cool to find other Latins in VC

[hekateinhell]

Your opinion on Benji and Sybelle?

I feel like I'm so fucking inconsistent with some of my vc opinions LMAO like it really just depends on the day and my mood and this is a great example!

sometimes it's like- ???? WHY COULDN'T DANIEL AND BIANCA HAVE FOUND ARMAND NOW IMAGINE THAT STORY!!!

but other times it's like I can appreciate what Anne was doing in having Armand rescued by a trafficked child and an abused woman who experienced the world in a way the average person did not — this was Armand saved by people he saw himself in (god I can never forget Marius describing him as 'a common child, a wounded child' in QotD), and so in loving them, he got to experience loving himself.

would fandom opinion be more favorable to B&S if we had gotten more screen time with other characters like Daniel alongside them? IDK MAYBE

[licncourt]

louis as a female-coded character (or not)

I'm fully aware that this is a controversial topic and it's obviously been argued quite a lot in both directions, namely Louis as female-coded vs Louis as an example of white male privilege. I'll start by saying that, as is the case with many things, I don't see the answer as a clear "he is" or "he isn't". He has features that pull both ways, and that's really to be expected.

In general, Louis exists almost exclusively in shades of gray, in a state of almosts and not quites. That near-total ambiguity is integral to Louis as a character and I think trying to apply one universal reading to him is reductive. If he can be almost moral, almost evil, almost disciplined, almost human, why can't he be almost female-coded or almost a picture of white male privilege?

To make this less complicated, I'm going to split it into three main sections: the compelling arguments for reading Louis as female-coded, those for reading him as an all-encompassing white masculine figure, and where I think things shake out in my personal opinion.

Louis as female-coded:

PSA: I have spoken already about my dislike of characterizing Louis as a misogynistic stereotype of a woman in late canon and some fanon. I see this as an entirely separate issue, female-coding =/= misogynistic stereotypes. At least not always.

I think there will always be some validity to a reading of Louis as female-coded simply by virtue of his origin. You can never separate him entirely from the woman who inspired him, who created him as a self portrait. Anne Rice crafted Louis as a fictional reflection of herself in the midst of maternal grief and that will always exist as a baseline reading.

Another controversial topic in VC debates is the abusive nature of Loustat in IWTV, specifically if/to what extreme Lestat was an abusive partner. I'm not going to discuss that at length here, but there are some (I think) generally agreed upon harmful behaviors on Lestat's end and a lot of those end up creating situations for Louis that parallel common female experiences.

The first of these is Lestat's means of exercising control over him. Louis is (at least in his mind because of Lestat's insistence) ignorant of important information about vampires and vampiric nature. This makes him dependent if he values his own well-being. For many women, especially in the 18th and 19th centuries, minimal or a total lack of formal education restricted their ability to function independently. This also extended to an ignorance of their own bodies. Louis' forced reliance on Lestat's knowledge of life and his physical form mirrors this rather well.

Another way Lestat secures control is with Claudia. This one is very obvious, clearly a "baby trap". This act could actually code Lestat as female in some ways, but I would argue it's more analogous to a husband forcing a pregnancy on a wife to keep her from leaving. His previous method of control failing, Lestat takes advantage of Louis succumbing to his hunger in order to create Claudia.

Through a sexual lens, the feeding becomes the "intercourse" itself (I know, I'm sorry, please stay with me) and then Lestat, without Louis' consent, takes the potential that's held in the dying Claudia and creates a daughter. By turning Claudia, he's mimicked an "impregnation" that mirrors a man sabotaging birth control or forcing unprotected sex during a sexual encounter. The initial act is consensual (the feeding), but it's extended to cause an unwanted pregnancy (ie removing the condom, not pulling out).

At this point, Louis feels an emotional attachment to Claudia that's compounded by his own part in her creation, as if he created the potential for "life" that was "fertilized" (fed with blood). This is very common with mothers in cases of unplanned pregnancy, and it often pushes the woman to attempt reconciliation with her male partner for the sake of the child and to keep the family unit intact, especially if she, like Louis, feels that leaving would risk the child's safety or force her to forfeit custody (we know Lestat made implied threats against Claudia to Louis and could certainly have physically prevented him from leaving with her).

Within the power dynamic Louis and Lestat create, there are some ways (not all) in which Louis takes a more feminine position, at least in a stereotypical manner. In a mutually toxic hetero relationship, the quintessential model is often an outwardly aggressive man (in this case Lestat, the one who appears to have done most of the yelling, breaking objects/property damage, threats, displays of physical strength, etc) and a manipulative woman playing mind games (here that was Louis, leveraging his intelligence to punish Lestat by feigning apathy, undermining his self-esteem, withholding affection, etc). Obviously this is not the case for every toxic straight couple, but I would argue that these are the general assumptions.

Outside of his relationship with Lestat, Louis is also written and described by AR in strangely misogynistic ways. Again, I've talked about this before, but I'll run through some examples. The first is what is essentially slut shaming (I hate that term, but it gets my point across). At the end of TotBT, David and Lestat have a discussion that boils down to the idea that being turned into a vampire against your will (being raped) is preferable to consenting to being turned because it absolves the victim of any moral responsibility and makes them stronger.

Obviously the implication is that Louis is immoral (a "slut") for asking to be turned (consenting to and having sex). This is a disturbingly common belief in our culture. Not only is a woman having and enjoying sex immoral, but a victim of rape (or a vampire who was turned against their will) is better and stronger for it having happened (unless the woman was "asking for it", but that's another issue).

David (the truest representation of white male bullshit in the entire series, perhaps ever) comes up again as the AR-appointed perpetrator of this kind of idea, this time in Merrick. Instead of being morally weak for asking to be turned/having sex, his narration is deeply disparaging when it comes to Louis' mental health. On numerous occasions throughout the book, David speaks negatively of how emotional Louis is, trivializing and seeming disgusted/annoyed by his grief, suicidal thoughts, depression, and later, his sexual assault.

This is a terrible and deeply uncompassionate way to frame mental health in general, but what tips this dismissal of emotional pain it over into some very unfortunate female-coding is the simultaneous emphasis on Louis' beauty, sex appeal, and "softness". Really the only unequivocable positives David seems to see in Louis are how beautiful he is (this is mentioned many times and culminates in an unwanted sexual overture) and how soft/gentle he is in a very infantilizing manner. He's overly emotional, but at least he's quiet, non-confrontational, and well-behaved with nice, appropriate hobbies <3

The misogynistic female-coding goes even farther in the Prince Lestat trilogy, but that discussion/my rant about submissive tradwife Louis is linked in the PSA.

Louis as an embodiment of white male privilege

Right off the bat, it's easy to understand why people see this archetype reflected in Louis. He's white, he's wealthy, he's educated, he's a family patriarch, he owns slaves, and dictates the life of his mother and sister. He's the embodiment of what privilege looked like in the 18th century colonies. Even further, it's clear that this really is the lived experience Louis identifies with and that it's how he sees himself based on his reaction to Lestat's control over him.

Louis taking on a somewhat female-coded role in his vampire life is especially interesting since he doesn't start the story that way. By gaining vampiric power (becoming sexually involved with/marrying a man if we go back to female coding), he actually loses a portion of his autonomy, something that is obviously disturbing and foreign to him. Fortunately for him, a lot of it remains intact. His race is still visibly white, his gender visibly male, his economic status remaining unchanged or improving. He's the unchallenged breadwinner of the family and the sole manager of their business ventures and finances, something that in itself refutes the idea that he's entirely female-coded.

These static realities are a significant factor in his ability to exist as a vampire and it shields him from a great deal of potential hardship. He doesn't have to attend a day job to have a reliable income, he has access to slaves and servants to do tasks he couldn't complete on his own, and his wealth, gender, education, and race all come together to deflect suspicion and protect him should any arise (of his vampiric nature or of his sexuality/relationship with Lestat).

Furthermore, he seems largely unaware and/or unconcerned with this fact. His relationship with his privilege and how it informs his his intellectualism and moral compass is demonstrated pretty effectively in IWTV and it really permeates his narration and his character flaws. That lack of awareness is a privilege of its own. He's never in a position where he's required to examine his own complicity in the suffering of others or his part in larger frameworks of power because he's never the victim of it or of people like him.

So where does that leave us? In a pretty interesting place as far as I'm concerned. Louis comes out as a character who is at the top of the social ladder but pretty lacking in autonomy in his personal life. He's an almost maternal figure to Claudia but also the paternal backbone of the household. He's a predator and a victim, a devoted intellectual who's emotional to his own detriment. My favorite thing AR ever did in VC was refuse to mold Louis into an existing shape. He's contradictory and cherry-picked in a way that feels authentic.

Personally, I much prefer this blended masculine/feminine reading for both Louis and Lestat because it makes their relationship feel much more organic and less like a heterosexual "who's the woman/man" stereotype (which I think it very much is later on). Some gay couples have a distinctly masculine and distinctly feminine partner who take on larger gender roles, but more often that isn't the case. Both Louis and Lestat are Claudia's caregivers/parental figures and seem to invest equal effort in her upbringing. Lestat is physically stronger but Louis is the sole source of income. They're both predatory through vampirism but have noticeably effeminate traits.

The fact that both of them exist as fully fleshed out characters with a blend of masculine and feminine traits (like most real people have) and an obvious amount of gender non-conformity is part of their draw and what makes the story and dynamic of relationship work so well in the trilogy. They become far less interesting and far less complex individually and together once AR makes them "married" for real. She puts them into "man" and "woman" boxes by playing up Louis' feminine traits and Lestat's masculine traits to an absurd degree, even if it comes in direct conflict with their established personalities.

All of this is what makes that late-canon simplification and feminization so disappointing to me as a fan. The compelling nature of Louis as a character is so reliant on his dualities and committing to one reading or the other takes away from his dimensionality. It flattens him out and sticks him in a box, and one of my favorite things about him in the trilogy is that he isn't one thing that can be nailed down.

That's why I never find "Louis vampires" in pop culture (Edward from Twilight, Stefan from TVD, Angel from Buffy, etc) to be as interesting as the source material. Boiling him down to "sad vampire who doesn't like to kill humans" fundamentally misunderstands him and forgets about the conflicting traits and cognitive dissonance that makes Louis Louis.

Declaring him a masculine or feminine caricature and committing to reading him as such takes away from the experience and I hope anyone who falls firmly on one side or the other of this debate gives this perspective a chance.