#(also jfc why does he speak so fast)

[bisexualfemalemess]

BRIDGERTON SEASON THREE PART TWO SPOILERS

I’m actually not ready for this because it’s the last episode of the season and still so angsty but of course it has to be.

Already can’t do this. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE OPENING SHOT IS COLIN BROODING ON THE SOFA WHILE DRINKING HIS TEA FUCK OFF???? 😭😭😭 Communicate please??? Or at least look at her, colin. I actually can’t handle this. WORST MINUTE OF MY FUCKING LIFE, NOW HE’S FUCKING OFF TO BRIDGERTON HOUSE BECAUSE HE WISHES TO LEAVE????? MAKE UP OR I WILL KILL MYSELF!!!

Fuck off, cressida, not her knowing about lw and black-mailing her??? So much for her redemption arc. Not her telling portia??? Like that’s not your place???? Someone needs to give our baby a break. Aww, portia’s character arc is actually so important to me like not her thinking penelope just always left because her social battery died and she just let her be, that’s actually so cute. I swear if portia turns on her now too i’ll kill myself again, at least we got peneloise back though so maybe i won’t actually. WHY ARE PEOPLE SO PETTY TOWARDS HER ONCE THEY FIND OUT ABOUT WHISTLEDOWN??? LIKE THAT IS STILL THE SAME GIRL YOU KNEW MINUTES BEFOREHAND YOU JUST KNOW MORE ABOUT HER NOW???? At least penelope immediately tells colin this time so he cannot be petty about it.

DOES DANBURY KNOW??? Is this how we get agatha x penelope friendship next season??? Agatha bridgerton coming home????

Ooh a finch x dankworth ball??? Interesting. Oh? Francesca and john moving to scotland?

STOP BROODING COLIN AND TALK TO YOUR WIFE JFC! I love how eloise isn’t choosing sides, our baby girl has truly grown. AH! ELOISE SO TRUE “do not let your marriage be the scar.” Queen behavior, peneloise and polin soulmate-ism. Aww Poor baby pen sounds so tired of all the shit that’s happening to her. I love how they’re trying to figure out how to get penelope out of this situation and i love how colin ‘my wife’ bridgerton made an appearance even though he’s angry with her, 🗣️ He will not stand for anyone blackmailing his wife 🗣️ they’re all so shocked that baby girl’s filthy rich. ALSO LET HER FUCKING SPEAK. this is her mess, she was not looking for help just support and all of a sudden her opinions don’t matter anymore :( Y’all need to let go of your anger towards lw and try to support pen instead of trying to fight her battles for her. She’s just standing in the corner watching as they’re talking about her and what to do :( at least involve her, don’t ignore her and cut her off. Jesusss.

And Benedict’s having a threesome again, interesting but unnecessary.

Protective Colin bridgerton but he’s still angry with her :( “to hear word from home. From penelope, in fact.” STFUUUU STFUUU STFUUU JUST MAKE UP ALREADY WE DON’T NEED ALL THIS YEARNING AND ANGST AND PINING WE GOT ENOUGH OF IT IN PART ONE :((( Aside from that I’m actually so fucking happy that he essentially just called penelope his home, I’m actually gonna combust. I hate how he’s still trying to separate penelope from whistledown “penelope’s no villain” and then he goes on to say that he gets her hate for whistledown???? Did we not just learn that they were the same person, colin? CRESSIDA I STILL FEEL INDIFFERENT TOWARDS YOU BUT BLESS YOU FOR CLOCKING HIS TEA!!!!! “You do not sound as if you hate whistledown. You sound as if you are jealous of her.” PREACH IT! He shut that shit down to fast, like the moment he’s gonna admit that to himself he’s gonna be able to forgive her. THAT FUCK ASS WIG I HATE IT SO MUCH. PLEASE THE RESHOOT WIG MAKES HIM LOOK LIKE A KEN DOLL LIKE ITS SO PLASTIC 😭😭😭😭

PENELOISE SCENE I LOVE THAT THEY’RE BACK. “tell me what you are reading?”With eloise grabbing her hand? 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 WAR IS SO TRULY OVER. Colin literally fucked up so bad, not cressida asking for double 🙄🙄🙄 Also penelope’s dress in this scene is so gorgeous. Aww, he’s willing to lie to Benedict for his wife so that the cressida drama can stop. PLEASE JUST MAKE UP YOU IDIOTS. Awwww eloise grabbing her hand in support. I just know peneloise and polin will mirror the christina x meredith x derek dynamic from grey’s with Eloise just bursting into their home unannounced and colin will understand but still be so tired of it.

STOP CUTTING TO BENEDICT THREESOMES THEY HAVE NOTHING TO ADD TO THE STORY IN THIS EPISODE 😭😭😭😭😭

Honestly the lady danbury and violet friendship is so special to me like violet did not care that she was running around with her dad and Agatha loves her more than her brother, that’s so cute.

STOP IT RIGHT NOW THE POLIN SCENE LIKE HE WANTED HER AND HE LOVES HER BUT HE CANT BE WITH HER UNTIL EVERYTHINGS FULLY OKAY BETWEEN THEN BECAUSE HE’S A DEMI SEXUAL KING. THEY NEED TO MAKE UP SO BAD SO THAT THEY CAN MAKE UP FOR THEIR WEDDING NIGHT.

STOP IT HE LOOKS SO DISTRAUGHT SLEEPING ON THE COUCH AND PENELOPE FIDDLING AROUND WITH HER BRACELET AS SHE SAYS SHES GONNA SPARE HIM THE CONFIDES OF A SHARED CARRIAGE ACTUALLY SHUT UO THE ANGST IS TOO MUCH :(

AWW PENELOPE’S LETTERS MADE A COMEBACK. THE FACT THAT HE KEPT ALL OF HER LETTERS WHERE IS MY COLIN BRIDGERTON????

PENELOPE MY QUEEN GETTING TO SEE SOME OF HER MOMS WORST SIDES AND POPPING OFF ON HER. Mother-daughter bitch off! “Oh and from whom?” Well, her family actually. Portia crediting penelope and apologizing for overlooking her, the development is so cute. “We must do better.” So true actually and the fact that it’s coming from portia just shows her development.

Francesca’s wedding was actually so beautiful and her heart to heart with violet beforehand was so cute. Polin sharing a look during francesca’s and john’s wedding and penelope subtly touching him with her shoulder, i’m gonna throw up. STOP THE ANGST.

the bridgerton siblings being chaotic and teasing each other is something so dear to my heart actually.

Penelope’s outfits this episode are all actually so gorgeous, she looks so ethereal in this season in general but especially in this episode. No not her seeing a genuine smile on colin’s face during their wedding party and her smile slowly fading. The angst is angsting.

Aww penelope loves his family so much. The study scene is actually so… “then how am i meant to help you?” “By loving me!” Pop off, pen. Might need to bash his head into a wall a couple times though because our baby boy is very stubborn right now. Like it’s so special to me, her speech is sooo dear to my heart. HANDS, HANDS, HANDS! 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Oh? Penelope writing to the queen AND Violet? What is going to happen?

Lmaooo Benedict got one taste of men and he could not stop. I’m actually crying, my favorite pansexual, (i love you but please stop taking screen-time from polin during their own damn season the irony of people complaining polin got too much screen time last season and now during their own season they barely get as much scenes as the previous leads) IM CRYING BENEDICT DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THAT WOMAN LMAOOO.

Aww a benedict and eloise swing scene, so on brand. Real el back not giving a fuck about fitting in anymore because she got pen back. ELOISE IS A LESBIAN I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH AND I WISH BENEDICT SHARED WHAT HE FOUND OUT WITH ELOISE SO THAT SHE WOULD KNOW THAT IT’S OKAY 😭😭😭

Penelope’s ball dress looks so gorgeous. AWW SHE PAID FOR THE BALL 😭😭😭😭 SHE’S SUCH AN AMAZING SISTER DESPITE ALL THE SHIT THEY’VE SAID AND DONE TO HER OVER THE YEARS. Not my poor baby standing on the sidelines again 😭😭😭 Where’s colin when you need him???

Oh, the queen showed up. SHE’S PISSED???? PENELOPE WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??? AWWW. Penelope revealing herself to the ton, girl boss. Her entire speech is her admitting her flaws and defending herself in the same breath. She’s one of the best, if not, the best written character on the show and it is about time the haters realize that. The fact that she keeps eye contact with El and Colin while defending herself but also assuring them about their own insecurities while doing so 😭😭😭 I’m crying, Colin actually smiled at her, he looks so proud of his wife 😭😭😭 Stfuuuu. Are we getting that make-up? PENELOPE MY QUEEN INTO THE LIGHT INDEED! AWW THE QUEEN ACTUALLY PARDONED HER OH MY GOD.

The ton needs to stop whispering if you have anything to say, say it to her face, The Featheringtons showing support and phillipa demanding that varley releases the bugs to save her sister from embarrassment 😭😭😭

Colin i’m so serious when i say go to your wife and ask her to dance. AWW THE DANBURY-PENELOPE SCENE. I have hopes for a friendship in season 4. She knew all along and kept the secret 🥹🥹🥹 “who loves the Bridgertons more than I” Especially her soulmates colin and eloise 🥺🥺🥺🥺 Aww penelope and her mother are actually so important to me “my girl” OH MY GOD THAT SCENE FROM THE TRAILER WHERE SHE LOOKS SO FONDLY AT SOMEONE AND THEN TURNS TO SEE COLIN WAS WITH PORTIA. SHUT UP THATS SO CUTE.

She looks so worried, please make-up i swear to god. “That i would not object to an annulment if you requested one.” COLIN WE HAVE 14 MINUTES LEFT IF YOU DO NOT SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN AFTER EVERYTHING SHE’S DONE TO SHOW YOU SHE CARES I AM PERSONALLY GONNA BASH YOUR HEAD INTO A WALL REPEATEDLY.

Oh never mind, the shock on his face, like that was never even a thought to him. He was always gonna stay married to her. FINALLY “you are her.” It took him a while to get there but he finally accepted that part of her and it’s so cute. His speech is actually so…he’s such a healthy male character, the only man ever actually, like you will not be able to find a man that is so in touch with their feelings that he can admit he was jealous and that you’re actually a braver, better person than he is. COLIN BRIDGERTON THE MAN THAT YOU ARE🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ this speech is so dear to me.

STFUU THE PARALLEL TO EPISODE ONE

Episode 1: “Goodbye, Mr.Bridgerton”

“Pen, i….”

Episode 8:

“You are a very good man, mr. Bridgerton.”

“Now, will you please do me the honor of joining me on the dance floor, Mrs. Bridgerton.”

STFUUU HE ACTUALLY CALLED HER MRS BRIDGERTON THAT IS A WIN FOR ME. Them dancing together will always have a special place in my heart, especially since everything’s resolved and they’re all giggly.

Oh, Eloise moving to scotland with francesca, oh my god. OH??? Francesca bridgerton, i know what you are and Michaela stirling i did not realize your game. Welcome to the sapphic club, fran.

OH????? Penelope riding colin!!!! Yay! I wish they kept in the longer version of the scene since this was apparently originally part of a montage but i’m so glad they finally got their shit together and consummated their marriage. Penelope loves colin’s chest hair so much.

OOOOH? Masquerade ball. Ben’s season next?

Pen’s and eloise goodbye hug was so long actually, they’re the cutest. Penelope’s little wave to her, my peneloise heart 🥹🥹🥹

“Goodbye.” SHUT UP

Oh my gosh, the epilogue. Polin had the heir so fucking cute. THEIR MARITAL BLISS IN THE EPILOGUE THEY’RE SO SICKENING ACTUALLY. Aww phillipa wants her daughter to be a writer so cute. POLIN WRITER COUPLE AND PENELOPE SUPPORTING HER HUSBAND IN WRITING AND PUBLISHING SO TRUE . NO STOP THE TRANSITION FROM JULIE ANDREWS TO PENELOPE’S VOICE WAS ACTUALLY GENIUS I’M GONNA THROW UP.

ALSO THE SYMBOLISM OF PENELOPE AND COLIN HAVING THEIR FINAL KISS BASKED IN SUNLIGHT IN FRONT OF THE WINDOW WHERE SHE USED TO SPENT HOURS TRYING TO SPY INTO HIS ROOM IM GONNA CHAIN MYSELF TO A TRAIN TRACK ACTUALLY.

Yours truly, Penelope Bridgerton

That’s it, i’m checking myself into a mental hospital now. What the actual fuck.

Wow. Awww guys all i want is playing during the credits that’s so cute 🥰

I actually don’t know what to do with myself for another two years until we learn what these characters are up to again. Like this season was actually so special to me i am dying for more especially more polin since they cut that short for some benedict awakenings and setting up for his season but i am glad for the bits that we did get.

Overall i do not have too much criticism for this season so i give it a solid 9.5/10

[viggos-mortensen]

[hyunsracha]

for your entertainment — han jisung

word count: 2.3k

summary: jisung panics when he sees cute people. he also stares at them.

so you work at an entertainment store right

where ppl can buy like uhhh movies and albums n merch n stuff!!

u like ur job.. it’s one of the least popular stores in the mall so u spend most of ur time organizing and reorganizing with one earbud in listening to music

u have to wear a boring grey t-shirt as uniform so u spice things up by making the rest of u look good

everyone else does the same thing i mean … ur manager lia wears purple eyeshadow ok

ur other manager chris doesn’t even try to look good! and it’s so fucking annoying u wanna knock his fuck 24/7

random girl: hehe<3 can i have ur number?

chris: only if u sign up for our rewards program<3

u, angry bc u haven’t sold any rewards programs in a week: >:(

ur other two co-workers are hyunjin and jeongin.

hyunjin has a pretty popular youtube dancer cover channel, but for Copyright Reasons it’s not paying the bills

and jeongin is a senior in high school and this is his first job and u just wanna pinch his little cheeks every time u work together

“y/n i swear to god i’m gonna punch u and get fired rn stop POKING MY CHEEKS-”

“he’s just a little baby…*to passing customer* LOOK AT THE BABY!”

“>:(((“

so it’s a tuesday night.

tuesday nights are the fucking best (worst if u love talking to ppl) bc u’ll get like … 2 customers in 4 hours?

it’s 8pm and the mall closes at 9

usually u start vacuuming at 8:30 but at like 7:50 chris was like “GET THE FUCKING VACUUM WE’RE CLOSING RN !!”

jeongin: u do it.

u: no u do it bitch.

jeongin: *sticks out his fist*

u sigh and do rock paper scissors like the baby wants.

and u lose

u fucking lose

and jeongin just cackles, sitting down on the stool behind the registers

so u trudge to the back room and the vacuum, grumbling about how ur older so jeongin should be doing this!!

but it’s fine!

so you’re vacuuming right.

and in storms Han Jisung

yes han jisung is the kinda dude to come to the mall right before closing and go on a shopping spree

he’s got his best friend lee minho in tow, who does Not look happy to be here.

“come on minho!! i need to get season 4 of naruto to finish my collection!!” jisung whines, pulling on his friend’s arm as he stands on his tiptoes to look for the anime section.

“can you keep your voice down?? i have an image, yanno.”

“minho you’re literally here to buy a kelly clarkson album.”

minho grumbles and waddles off towards the cds, where you are...vacuuming...loudly

and minho’s like -____- why are u so fucking loud

like u don’t MEAN to be loud?? but it’s a VACUUM??

so minho’s looking for his beloved kelly clarkson album right,

and jisung comes around the corner, season 4 of naruto in tow.

and he sees you

and nearly drops it

jisung gets crushes very easily okay..

he can’t help it! the boy loves to love (◕‿◕)♡

and u look so cute in ur lil t-shirt!! like a little retail angel!!

so he grabs minho’s arm and DRAGS HIM TO where the movies are

and he panics!

“THEY’RE SO CUTE AAH I WANNA GIVE THEM A BIG FAT HUG-”

“do you mean the person vacuuming -__- loud as hell”

“minho it’s a vacuum.”

so you stop vacuuming and return the vacuum to the back room (and wash ur hands in the bathroom bc the soap smells like lemons and sunshine) and come back to the floor

u have a ton of time until closing so u just. sit.. and start reorganizing the heavy metal albums.

after a while u feel … weird … like ur being watched

so u turn around and. there they are. staring like (・_・)

and ur like “HELLO?!?!” but u don’t say anything

u just give them a Customer Service Smile and a, “can i help you with anything?”

jisung just giggles and shakes his head and minho keeps fuckign staring

mr lee i will knock ur fuck is that what u want

so u shrug and go back to ur sorting, keeping an eye on the CREEPS in ur store.

at 8:55 chris is like “jeongin go close the gate.” n jeongin’s like “FUCK YEAH” bc he gets to hold a big stick

so he’s walking towards the front of the store with his Big Stick when he sees jisung and minho

“what da hell are y’all doing?” is what he thinks but he says, “(: hi! the store closes in five minutes and i’m about to close the front gate. i’m so sorry, but you have to leave now! :)”

so jisung pouts and minho rolls his eyes, dragging his friend out of the store.

jeongin uses his Big Stick to pull the gate down and he locks it at about mid calf level so y’all can get out.

so that night, u go home and do some homework, but ur still thinking about those weirdos.

but! u’ll probably never see them again!

right?

Wrong.

u see them the next day!

they’re still watching u, but they’re closer

and minho looks more irritated.

towards the end of the night, ur Upset and Confused so u go over to them like o_o. What do u want.

and jisung goes JISJSJHTIE

and minho goes, “jisung thinks you’re cute.”

u start to blush, but jisung squeaks, “NO ahah- uh- he likes to talk in third person! he’s jisung ahaha.”

“my name is not jisung i would Hate to be named jisung.”

“WH- why? there’s a soccer player named jisung. and an idol! multiple idols!”

“yeah the guy in nct is 2 years younger than you and has the same name. and what have You done successfully? Quickly-”

“HEY-”

the two boys in front of u bicker while u start zoning out at the wall behind them.

you knew that the boy with blue hair was jisung, but you didn’t know the one with brown hair. and you assumed that they were friends, judging by the .. bonding activity that is staring at an employee.

and jisung wasn’t …. ugly

like he was really … really cute

but staring at people is fucking weird, jisung!!

when u finally snap out of it, u huff, “okay losers. we are closing soon. so you have to leave. but you’re welcome to come back tomorrow if you’re going to actually talk to me and not just stand in the corner! okay?”

the boys nod, grinning at each other before dashing out of the store.

so, like u said, they’re back the next day!

and this time they actually talk to u! Wow!

you’re sitting on the floor in the back of the store, organizing the funko pops for the 70th time when you feel A Presence.

two, actually.

it’s the two boys, sitting on either side of u.

“hi,” jisung says, playing with his fingers in his lap.

“you’re jisung, right? the cute one..” u reply absentmindedly

u hear a choking sound and then Silence

miss jisung ? miss JISUNG ?

he’s alive, but jfc BARELY

u just called him the CUTE ONE?!?!?

paying no mind, u turn to the boy on ur right, “and you are?”

“lee minho. don’t worry, you won’t forget it.”

“was that supposed to be a pick-up line?”

“did it work?”

“no.”

“HAH!” and jisung’s alive again.

u spend the rest of ur shift talking to the boys, telling them all about ur life while they told u about theirs

u learned that minho was a dancer just like hyunjin! but he went to the nearby university to study.

and that’s where he met jisung, who’s a music composition major

...and a soundcloud rapper…

u could help the laugh that pushed past ur lips at his words

“WHY ARE U LAUGHING.”

“a SoundCloud rapper. really, sung?”

“IT’S COOL ヾ(`ヘ´)ﾉﾞ”

u couldn’t imagine him as a ‘cool’ rapper dude

he just looked so fluffy :(

at 8:55, the boys got kicked out by jeongin again, but they stood outside the gate, waiting for u

“What do y’all want.”

“i wanna walk u to ur car:(“

“i don’t.”

“ok minho then Leave.”

“NO DON’T he’s my ride don’t say that to him.”

it’s dark outside, and a warm wind blows through ur hair.

it’s late spring, with summer (and finals) fast approaching.

“walking me to my car...what a gentleman…”

��yeah that’s why you should totally go on a date with me haha.”

“what?”

“what?”

“you said-”

“i didn’t say anything.”

minho sighs from behind u, not understanding why his best friend has to be so damn stupid all the time

u lean on ur driver’s side door, not making eye contact with the boy

u didn’t know how to say bye..no one’s ever walked u to ur car before??

“so…” jisung speaks for u, “can i … have your number? so i don’t show up at the store when you’re not working.” he holds his phone out for u to take, a sheepish smile barely visible due to the lights in the parking lot.

“oh! totally.” you take the phone from him, jolting when ur fingers graze his. u set ur contact as ‘the person sungie likes to stare at~” before giving it back to him.

he chuckles at the name, and u feel something inside of u go DOKIDOKI

when he says goodnight and walks away, minho giving u a quick nod, u lock urself in ur car so u can PANIC

u barely know this boy. he’s a weirdo. why is ur heart going dokidoki

heart STOP IT!!

it only gets worse when u hear the text notification sound from ur phone:

[ unknown ]: do u work tmrw? (^_−)☆ i already miss u

…. frick …. he texts cute

dammit jisung why couldn’t u send the laughing emoji

[ y/n ]: i do ! ^.^ i’ll see u then?

[ creeper ]: wouldn’t miss it~ (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ goodnight!

u nearly slam ur head on the steering wheel.

true to his word, jisung was back the next day

and the day after that

and the day after that

the day after That, u were off, so u didn’t see him

but u guys texted nearly all day!

jisung was just … really easy to talk to :/

and really funny :/

and every time he giggled u just wanted to cry a little bit :/

and u feel like a CLOWN bc u have a CRUSH on this dude that hangs out with u at WORK

one day, ur at work, and jisung isn't there:((

u feel a little dumb being upset about it, but u were starting to get used to the little guy

“somebody looks like a sad clown.”

“hyunjin~” u whine.

“oh no. that’s the boy problems whine. uhhh suddenly i’m on break!” he tries to stand and walk away, but u pull him back down next to u.

see, u and hyunjin were pretty close.

u two are the same age and watch the same dramas.

and ur both super dramatic

which is WHY when u got ur heart broken by lee donghyuck a few months after u started working there, he was ur shoulder to cry - and complain - on.

“stop :( there was this boy who came in every day and talked to me and he’s super cute but he’s not here today and i miss him :(“

hyunjin just …. stared at u like …. wtf are u talking about

“do you have his number?”

“yes.”

“have you texted him to ask why he’s not here today?”

“...no…”

“(；￣Д￣) Y/N U FUCKIN FOOL!!! U ABSOLUTE IMBECILE!!!”

“STOP YELLING AT ME HWANG HYUNJIN I’LL DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU LOVE!”

a customer standing in front of the register, trying to buy some headphones: uh.. should i go?

u make hyunjin deal with the customer while u sneak out ur phone to text jisung

[ y/n ]: where are u . no one is here 2 annoy me today (except hyunjin but he doesn’t count)

u wait 5 minutes … no reply

10 minutes … no reply

an hour … no reply

“WAAAAA ｡･ﾟﾟ*(>д<)*ﾟﾟ･｡ HYUNJIN ｡･ﾟﾟ*(>д<)*ﾟﾟ･｡”

hyunjin, handing a poor lady her receipt: jesus fucking christ

ur sulking as u leave the store that night

u still feel dumb, but now ur too Sad to feel dumb

u press the lock button on ur car keys so the lights would come on and the horn would sound, telling u where ur car was

“OH FUCK- jesus...stupid car…”

….that’s not what ur car horn sounds like.

u slowly approach, holding ur keys in between ur fingers

ur not afraid to stab a bitch with ur mail key and that’s on wolverine.

u breathe a sigh of Relief when u see it’s just jisung leaning against ur door

wait

jisung

“jisung?” u voice ur thoughts

his hand comes up to rub the back of his neck, “yeah..hi..sorry i didn’t text you back. i nearly backed out of doing this and i didn’t wanna look stupid.”

“you look stupid all the time.”

“jeez, thanks.”

u cross ur arms, stepping closer to the boy, “back out of what?”

“well i uh- do you remember how minho said i think you’re cute on the first day we talked?”

you nod.

“well...that hasn’t changed. i think you’re cute...really cute, actually.”

you blush again, just like the first time, “what does me being cute have to do with you standing in front of my car?”

“well, i don’t have a car, so i’m hoping...you can drive when we go on our first date?”

your heart nearly stops, but you start to smile.

“han jisung, are you asking me out?”

“are you saying yes?”

“yes.”

“then yeah. i am.”

your smile only gets wider as you close the gap between you two, wrapping your arms around his middle. he pats your head, a chuckle vibrating under your ear.

“also i need a ride home. minho dropped me off.”

“*sigh* jisung…”

[detonizing]

headcanon.

50 headcanon challenge prompted by @bnharpchub​ bc so many people were doing it on dash and my restraint is only so strong 

coming up with 50 new headcanons was so difficult jfc AWOEINAWE i cheated a bit and some of them mention hcs I already wrote about before, but I did my best to focus on a different part of it to give it a new spin so it’s technically new....ish. awoieNAWEIAWNE

he learned how to cook because his parents were always busy and he wasn’t going to just expect them to cook for him when he could just do it himself ( he learned a whole LOT of things because he realized he could just do it himself )

he doesn’t usually keep things for sentiment reasons. there ARE a few exceptions, but for the most part if it’s important enough to remember he’ll just simply remember it 

he likes the view from up high. mountain climbing really made him aware of that, and it was a part of the reason why he wanted to learn how to fly ( that, and just the fact of it being practical, using his quirk to enhance movement ) 

sometimes puts on a clear coat of nail strengthening polish during weeks of particular harsh training. he would put on coloured polish too, but they often get ruined very quickly because of how much he uses his hands and so he doesn’t see the point to do it often 

his sweat isn’t actually toxic ( mostly bc I do NOT want to deal with all the problems having toxic sweat would cause, but there is more to it that I’ll write in depth of another day when I’m less lazy ) 

His volume is one of the few ways he feels like he can be heard. His mother is also a very loud person, and growing up he would be stuck in situations where if he doesn’t yell LOUDER, he won’t be heard. If he is WILLINGLY quiet around you, that is a sign of trust, a sign that he’s comfortable enough to not feel the need to be loud. 

he cannot stand his mouth being covered, nor does he take well to being told to keep quiet. He GETS that not many people appreciate his loudness. He KNOWS there is always time and place. But being loud is a defensive mechanism, and it being taken away against his will just messes with him a lot. 

speaking of, a large part of why he got the ‘i dont give a fuck about anyone else’ attitude is because no one would really care about him. It wasn’t just because he had a big head. He was acutely aware that people around him would praise him and rise him up, but never actually listen to him or cared what he wants. Why should he care about other people if no one gave a fuck about him? ( he knows better now )

he’s cautious about giving villains second chances. it’s not like he’s against giving villains a chance at redemption ( he knows he’d be a fucking hypocrite if he was ) but he also is realistic, and knows that some people are just shitheads and will refuse to change no matter what. knows that some people will take advantage of people with bleeding hearts ( cOUGHS like dEKU’s COUGHS ) and so he’s just. very wary and distrusting. he’ll give you a chance, but he’s going to watch you during it. 

if the ranking system of heroes gets abolished, it won’t really affect Katsuki’s goals. from the start when he says ‘number one hero’ what he cares most about is being number one by HIS standards. ofc he was planning to get ranked number one too, but if such a system falls apart, he’d just make sure he becomes the Best till no one can argue against it either way 

katsuki has always used his quirk often. he hates rules regulating quirk use because it’s so stupid to him. how the hell was he going to become number one if he didn’t know how to use his own damn quirk? ofc he still tried to abide by the law well enough, in public refraining for the most part ( but his middle school very obviously was super lacking in discipline so he just didn’t bother hiding his usage of quirk there )

his quirk acts up when he has high emotion — but MOST of the time, that is less him losing control and more of a conscious decision on his part. resisting the urge to explode when his body is aching to is dangerous, so it’s better to let loose small, controlled, explosions when the time comes. He works hard to keep control of his quirk, he knows when it’s best to just let explosions loose and when he can hold it in

even without explosions he has a habit of his fingers twisting or fist clenching when he’s high strung. restricting his hands in any way, esp during these times, are an absolute no for him. he WILL react violently if you take away his only method of physically defending himself. 

the reason why he NEEDS to be able to defend himself at all times comes from his lack of trust. He doesn’t WANT to rely on other people, because they could mess up so it’s just better to do it himself. so if people try and stop him from doing it himself.... just nope. 

he’s so so so SO bad at accepting compliments. he’s used to empty meaningless compliments, praise for things he didn’t even earn, so getting actual compliments that are WORTH something. it’s. a lot. he doesn’t know how to properly handle it yet so his first reaction is to reject it somehow ( either by telling the person they are being an idiot, or finding fault in the compliment itself, or something along those lines ) 

he has a base respect for pro heroes in general, because he understands that they have experience he is obviously lacking being a student. but he won’t be blinded by their status. if they fuck up, they fuck up and no ‘hero’ status will keep him from recognizing that 

he doesn’t actually hate quirkless people. he never really has. he had a problem with DEKU, but not exactly quirkless people in general. he started calling Izuku as “Deku” before he knew that he would never get a quirk. He called him ‘deku’ because izuku would fail at bouncing a ball or skipping stones and such ( back then, almost ALL people were ‘useless’ to him, not just quirkless people aoweinaoweianwe ) 

he as sharp teeth. not enough to be called fangs or anything, but they are definitely sharper than average ( he’s a little gremlin so I must give him sharp teeth ) 

he’s still struggling to ask for help. he can easily admit that he needs backup when it comes to hero works — knows that teamwork is essential at times and saving and BEING saved in turn is how being a hero is. BUT for PERSONAL things? Outside of being a hero? As a person??? He doesn’t know HOW to ask for help with that. 

He’s ALWAYS been super independent. so people just. expect him to be fine on his own. HE himself expected to be fine on his own. But by the time he realized wait no, I’m not fine. People stopped trying to check up on him. ( until U.A., but then old habits die hard. but he’s learning ) 

he tends to shower at night more than in the mornings, because he often works out not too long before bed. he also just takes more than one shower a day if needed ofc he takes hygiene seriously

he HATES when he can’t get a full night’s sleep. And sadly ever since getting kidnapped it’s been happening more and more often. he’s unused to functioning without a full eight or nine hours, so he gets cranky all day and feels fucking awful. He used to hate naps, felt like a waste of his day, but they’ve become a bit of a necessity with how shit his sleeping pattern has become. ( plus jordyn’s shoto has shown him the wonders of napping aowienawe ) 

he doesn’t take long to get ready in the morning. even if he needs to dress differently for an occasion or anything, he doesn’t spend long trying to decide what to wear

his quirk isn’t affected by rain or water like people would expect, but it’s fucking COLD so he still hates getting wet

he’s really good at fighting even without his quirk. he absolutely has thought of situations where he couldn’t use his quirk to full capacity, and so he decided he needed to kick ass even without it

he’s really level-headed in battle!!! despite how he acts, he ALWAYS considers all options and acts on the best one. He just thinks really fast and acts the way he does so it SEEMS like he’s charging in without thinking ahead. That being said, he used to often underestimate his opponents so he’d sometimes make the wrong call. He’s getting MUCH better at not doing that lately tho

he doesn’t really celebrate his own birthday. he gets well wishes from his family, often they’d get a cake maybe, but he doesn’t really WANT or NEED presents, so he had his parents stop trying to gift him things years ago. His birthday is SUPER close to the beginning of the year, so it is often times overlooked by his peers too, but he doesn’t care

Katsuki is demisexual!! He can recognize when people are traditionally attractive, but he doesn’t really fucking care and isn’t attracted TO them. It’s only once they’ve become someone he actually CARES about could he then develop any feelings beyond platonic ones ( no love at first sight here )

he’d NEVER pick up smoking, and even when of age he’d very rarely drink. He wouldn’t want his health to deteriorate by stuff like that. And he wouldn’t want his ability to think be hindered by alcohol

he doesn’t like lying unless for good reason ( like hiding ofa ) but he doesn’t see lying by omission as the same. To him, that’s just him deciding it’s no one’s business and so there’s no need for him to admit to anything

people have tried to bully him as a kid. we’ve seen him chase off older kids in canon before. It wasn’t just a one time thing. It was pretty constant, actually. Other kids, usually those older than him, would hear about him and his attitude and try and ‘put him in his place’ It’s not like he was very popular as a kid, it’s just that Katsuki always WON any fights so no one could actually do anything to him

his nicknames, for the most part, aren’t actually meant to be insulting. Besides like Deku, and when he called Todoroki “holding back bastard”, the rest are just,,, descriptions in his mind aowienAWE ThEY ARE RUDE AF but he doesn’t actually seek out the rudest name he can think of to call people. It’s just whatever comes to mind first

he doesn’t actually mind when people call him out on his shit anymore. he’d in fact admit that they have guts to do so. If they try and call him out on BULLSHIT though, then he’d get angry bc they are just wasting his goddamn time. 

he KNOWS when his classmates are purposefully manipulating him to doing something by phrasing it as a challenge. It’s just he doesn’t give a shit, he’ll rise to the challenge anyways and prove them all WRONG. 

If he really doesn’t wanna do something, there’s absolutely nothing that could get him to do it 

his way of SHOWING that he cares is through actions and gifts. Doing things for people ( studying, cooking, etc ) that he cares about comes naturally to him

On the contrary, he struggles to process it when people try and show that they care the same way. He doesn’t like getting gifts, and he rather do the things he needs to himself??? The easiest way he can understand people showing that they care is through quality time. If you are willing to spend time with him, seek him out? He can get that means you WANT to. ( if this is proven wrong it’d shake his entire acceptance in that person. he’d struggle to believe that they care for him at all in any way after ) 

once you broke his trust, it’s impossible to gain it back. he DOESNT trust easily. he takes so many careful measures to prevent himself from trusting the wrong person. if he gave you his trust you better fucking treasure it, because it’s only given out once. That being said, there are different levels of trust that katsuki gives out — as seen on his relationship page. Level two trust is when it starts getting serious. If you have that, that’s when if broken it’s unfixable. Level one trust is a toss up if broken, very dependent on situation

soft smiles are hard to come by from katsuki! We’ve all seen his confident grins in the face of danger all the time — he smiles a lot during challenges and battle!! But soft ones? Full of fondness and love? They are pretty rare. And even when they DO happen, often it’s only when no one can see

His EYES are actually what turns soft first!! You have a better chance catching his eyes and eyebrows turn a bit less aggressive, but again they aren’t exactly common per say. He doesn’t like showing such expression unless he feels like attention is off him. ( he just. isn’t USED to expressing himself this way. so he doesn’t really like when people draw attention to when he does. because it makes him feel like he did something wrong, in a way )

it’s actually easy to make katsuki flustered and embarrassed. he’S not uSED to it so he’s weak let him live aowieNAWE his ears are the first to turn red!!! but if you really get him embarrassed he does go completely red sorry kats

he does all of his homework well in advance. he hates leaving ANYTHING to the last minute, really

he’s done modeling work as a kid. sometimes he still does, but very rarely. He doesn’t exactly hate doing it, but he just isn’t the least bit interested so he rather spend his time doing something else. When he does do it, you bet he takes it 100% seriously.

he won’t argue if someone calls him a shit person. he knows that he is, and he refuses to deny that. what DOES piss him off though is when people solely focus on how shit of a person he is to the extend of disregarding the perfect results he gives. He’s a shit person, but he’s still the BEST and fuck anyone who says otherwise.

he also knows that he is changing, because it’s a conscious effort on his part TO change. But that’s also the thing. He’s working hard to not be shitty ALL the time, but that doesn’t change the fact that at his core, he’s still not a NICE person. he’s acutely aware that the things he struggles so much with, comes so easy to other people. He wont let this STOP him , he’s never called it quits before just because something was difficult for him, but it still sucks. knowing just how much effort he’s putting into this when some people barely think about it at all

katsuki was well versed in medical knowledge even before U.A. Not because he was thinking about how heroes may need to give emergency care on the field, but just from his own injuries during self training. he needed to know how to treat them properly so it doesn’t cause him problems in the future 

katsuki runs hot, but he gets cold easily. Because he’s used to keeping himself running at high temperatures, his concept of cold is different than most other’s. Suddenly being in like sixty five degrees Fahrenheit feels COLD to him

intended use for furniture are only suggestions. That means yes, he WILL sit on top of desks and counters, stand on top of chairs, and put his feet on the bed while he lays on the floor if he so goddamn chooses. 

no matter how close with a person he is, he’ll eventually need time alone and his personal space left untouched. It takes a lot to get to the point where physical touch is something he’d allow, ( having both touch starvation and touch aversion in equal parts ) but even with people he is completely comfortable with, sometimes it still gets to be TOO mUCH and he needs to step back. he has bad days, too. where just a brush of contact would set him off and he can’t understand himself why it happens. all he knows is that he really hates those days.

it still stings, the knowledge that All Might never even considered him for a possible successor. he was RIGHT THERE when all might picked izuku, after all. and all might can say all he wants about how ‘he was already powerful, he wanted to give midoriya a fighting chance’ or whatever. he knows he was never a contender. it’s not that he WANTS ofa though. he is perfectly happy with his quirk. It’s not even that it’s deku who ended up getting it, he in retrospect is glad deku can fight him now. It’s just. in the end, he’s always always lacking something. it just fuels to his belief of never being good enough when it counts. because HE is NEVER anyone’s first choice to be the up and coming number one. He’s GOING to be. He’ll prove EVERYONE wrong. But, it sure would be nice. Someone else believing in him, too.

[mariaiscrafting]

here's something that bothers me a ton, actually:

I hate how some of the ccs act like Tommy and Tubbo and Ranboo aren't minors and just go ahead and make jokes they shouldn't around them, especially when one of them is visibly uncomfortable about them.

Like, can we talk about the fact that, out of everyone who regularly interacts with Tommy, I think Jack and Techno and Wilbur and Phil are the only adults who don't make sexual jokes around them? Or that Wilbur is the only one who consistently tries to stand up for them when ccs do say something uncomfortable, like one time when he said Tubbo was only 16 and moved on when someone made a sexual comment, or when he tried to get Tommy out of the situation with Dream and Ninja making sexual jokes? Or that, every Jackbox stream he's in, without fail, has someone making sexual jokes around Ranboo and he just has to awkwardly laugh it off because what else is he supposed to say to these older, successful people who've given him his audience and platform?

I also see shit on Twitter all the time that's like "don't get offended over jokes you'd make around your own friends," and "if Tommy was uncomfortable with it, do you really think he'd still be friends with Dream," and honestly, what kinda naive, fallacious thinking is this? First of all, this is very different from teenagers on Twitter making sexual jokes around other teenagers because when you're both minors, it's less predatory. Second of all, just because Tommy or Tubbo instigate sexual jokes themselves sometimes does not at all mean adult ccs should be engaging. They're fucking children, of course they're going to make sexual jokes, but at the end of the day, they're too uncomfortable to seriously engage with the topic because they're minors. The job of the adult ccs is to shut it down, like phil and wilbur with the "hardened clay" bit tubbo was going on about and techno whenever tommy tries to make sexual jokes. Third of all, do you really think that, if someone is a hegemon within the industry upon which you base your livelihood, you'd want to do anything to antagonize their fanbase? Of course none of the Dream SMP members are ever going to say something to criticize Dream, if his SMP is basically what fast-tracked most of their careers. And fourth of all, you can still be friends with someone while being uncomfortable with particular things they do/have done. Unlike the types on mcyttwt, normal people don't just disown friends for singular differences of opinions, mistakes, etc., so no, I highly doubt anyone would stop being friends with one of the ccs just because their sexual jokes make them uncomfortable.

The two things that made me really consider making this post were: the bit about how Tommy can legally have sex and Ranboo's adamance about not being sexualised during his solo streams. First off, what the fuck was that? Why were Dream and Sapnap seriously trying to argue the finer points about how it's supposedly ridiculous to tell them off for making sexual jokes around Tommy just because the age of consent in England is 15/16? That's such a bad take, why is that the hill they chose to die on? They're really going to pull an "age of consent" argument like that same thing isn't used by abusers, groomers, pedophiles, and their apologists constantly. People use it to excuse age differences in sexual relationships way too often, and to see them two use it to excuse making sexual jokes/advances onto Tommy? JFC. Second off, I get that most of the ccs probably don't really see Ranboo as a child for a combination of reasons: his height, lowered voice, maturity as compared to Tommy and Tubbo, lack of face reveal, etc. Still, that they so casually make sexual jokes that they actually expect him to engage with, especially during Jackbox streams, just speaks to their irresponsibility and failure to reign in their language. And the thing that really tips me off to something being wrong is that Ranboo usually just goes with the bit and laughs it off during those streams, but then during his own streams, any time the subject is even lightly touched upon, he's so fucking adamant about his distaste for being sexualized, even by people his own age? He's so secure in his own boundaries when it comes to setting his own audience straight, and it just makes me sad as fuck to think that he can't be as stern about announcing them around those who are essentially his colleagues.

Anyways, I just really, really want to see the ccs stop putting Tubbo, Ranboo, and Tommy in uncomfortable positions just because they can't control their humor around literal children.

[nyangibun]

GoT S08E03 Thoughts

The fuck??? 

I actually have no idea how to feel about this episode or what was really even happening because jfc, the lighting was so dark and everything was moving so fast. At one point, I was wondering who the f I was even watching. 

I feel with retrospect, I’ll have a lot more to say, but as these posts are my immediate thoughts, here we go. 

We got another shot of Alys Karstark for apparently no reason. It’s weird that we were introduced to her in S7 so we know what she looks like and we keep seeing her in S8 without any payoff. Most characters we recognise that appear on screen serve a purpose. Ned Umber showed up because he needed to die for the Night King’s Cool Abstract Art. But seriously, I know non-Jonsa’s think the kidnap plot is ‘delusional’ but tell me, what purpose does Alys serve? Maybe it’s not a kidnap plot but I believe there will be some kind of mistaken identity or switch. I don’t know. I really don’t know why else she would keep reappearing in every episode thus far -- not to mention Sophie Turner’s behind-the-scenes photo where she is wearing a similar dress to what Alys was wearing in Ep 1.

I have a gripe with this episode (amongst others). Why the hell is Ghost out there? Why is he running with Jorah and the Dothrakis? Even if he is going to fight in this battle, it doesn’t make sense he’d choose to do so alongside people he doesn’t even know. Also, we didn’t get a death scene so is he alive? Did they seriously CGI Ghost in 2 episodes to do absolutely fuck all and then die? I will riot in the streets, D&D. 

Speaking of the Dothraki, what was the damn point of them? They literally died in 0.5 seconds. That was it. I know people had to die and hordes of ‘em but it felt like a complete waste of the Dothraki plotline. Also, didn’t Dani take all of the fighting men to Westeros to fight in her damn war? So now the entire Dothraki civilisation is basically massacred and there’s only the women and children left? Like damn, talk about a bad time. The Dothraki randomly charging like that was dumb AF as well. Why would you charge into an army that you know is 3-4 times the size of yours? I’m no battle strategist but I feel like that was a dumb idea.  

In terms of the battle, I really don’t know what to say. There were cool moments (ie. Arya being a badass and killing wights left and right) and then there were just wtf moments. My issue with the battle sequence was mostly just the sensory overload. There was so much going on everywhere at the same time and it was hard to keep track of what was actually going on. I also felt a little underwhelmed by the usefulness of the dragons. I suppose it was to say that the dragons can be defeated and are not the tide-changing weapons they have been in the past, which doesn’t bode well for them in the future. Btw, did Rhaegal die? Like... he fell out of the sky? And then disappeared? Are we down to just Drogon? 

And now, a moment of silence for our fallen brethren: Edd (thank you for saving Sam), Lyanna (my badass child, thank you for so cooly killing that giant), Beric (thank you for saving Arya) and Theon (wtf Bran?! you really knew our boy was gonna die and you were all ‘you’re a good man’ and then that’s it?!). 

Okay, that’s not fair. I guess Bran saying that to Theon allowed him to reach full circle with his redemption arc. He has fully atoned for his sins against House Stark. But I still think his death was bullshit. Although I loved the moment between Bran and Theon when Bran tells him that all of his decisions had led him here: home. That was definitely what Theon needed to hear and I am glad he got that before he died.

I just want to talk about Jonerice. The scene before the battle starts, they are standing overlooking the battlegrounds together, but there is a considerable amount of distance between them physically. The framing is definitely still pitting them at odds with each other since last episode’s reveal. And their conversation is also heavy with tension. It’s a good reminder that Dance of Dragons 2.0 is very much still on the table despite them working together in this episode, though that isn’t going to last long.

Jorah’s unwavering love and loyalty to Dani serves as the perfect foil to Jonerice’s weak and unconvincing romance. Time and time again, he has proven the depth of his feelings for Dani and it is him that comes to her rescue, not Jon (though ofc Jon has bigger fish to fry). And despite her not reciprocating her feelings for him, Jorah is someone she cared about and I think his death will be something she holds against the North. What I mean by that is she will think that because she has fought for the North and lost half of her army and someone she loves, they must bend the knee or else. I mean I get where she’s coming from 100%. Dani risked a lot to fight, whether her reason was altruistic or not, she has. But the problem is the North can’t afford to fight in her war with Cersei. And yes, she fought for them but they have also been through hell serving foreign rulers. This is going to be a huge point of conflict going forward but we already knew that. Now there’s just this added element. 

Also, wait... Both Lyanna and Jorah are dead. What happens to House Mormont now? Is there even another Mormont left? 

I know there weren’t any Jon x Sansa interactions and that sucks, I admit, but it’s also okay. I was happy with Tyrion and Sansa’s interactions there. Sansa has effectively said goodbye to all of her potential suitors. When Tyrion says ‘maybe they should’ve stayed married’ and Sansa responds with ‘it wouldn’t work between us; we have divided loyalties’, that ends all of the speculations that Tyrion and Sansa would re-marry or legitimize their marriage. And Sansa’s right. After the battle is over, the politics begin and their loyalties are divided. Tyrion is loyal to Dani who wants the Iron Throne and the Seven Kingdoms, and Sansa is loyal to House Stark and Northern Independence. Like I said, this is going to be a huge focus in the upcoming episodes for all of the characters. They came together despite differences to fight for the living but now they will have to choose sides on the future of the living. Tyrion and Sansa will be on opposite sides but I do maintain that Tyrion will eventually lose faith in Dani and betray her. 

In any case, Sansa basically points out that in order for a marriage to work, their loyalties and thus their goals for the future would have to be the same. Now, whose loyalties and goals coincide with Sansa’s? Jon. They are both loyal to House Stark first and foremost and then to the North. At this point, let’s be honest, there are no more eligible bachelors that we know of in Westeros. I mean technically, there’s Jaime, but as if that would happen with all of the Braime scenes this season and the lack of any interaction between Sansa and Jaime. I also don’t think Jaime will survive the season. I hope he does but I just don’t have a lot of faith he will. Redemption arcs and all that. Jon still remains her most viable option to further the House Stark line. Unless everyone dies in the end, succession is an important aspect of the story. 

I also remember someone mentioning that Tyrion could be a possible reason why Sansa gets kidnapped, as in he’ll betray her to save his skin when Bronn comes to kill him. I don’t know how much I believe this tbh but he does say that Sansa underestimates the lengths he’ll go to in order to avoid being apart of the Army of the Dead. While he is talking presently and maybe only about dying and becoming one of them, he might mean death itself. Take what you will. I’m not sure how much I believe in this theory. 

As for Arya, well, what is there to say? She is the best and I love her. I really didn’t expect it at the start of this episode she’d be the one to kill the Night King but after Melissandre’s comment to her, it was pretty obvious. I don’t really have anything to say about that just that I love her and want to protect her. I also like Melissandre a lot and Beric and hers are the only deaths in this episode that gave me a sense of closure. Their story had come to an end and it made sense. For everyone else, I am still very wtf about it. 

Anyway, so let’s do a head count of the survivors: all the Starks (Jon, Arya, Bran, Sansa), Tormund, Brienne, Jaime, Sam, The Hound, Dani, Drogon, Missandei, Tyrion, Varys, Gendry, Davos... 

People I have no idea if they survived: Podrick? Gilly and lil Sam? Ghost? Rhaegal? Grey Worm? Alys? 

Am I missing anyone? 

[clutchforbalance-a]

thoughts on legacies ep 2x15

why are they opening on what looks like the school burning but in the next shot everything is perfectly fine?? is it fireproof???

knockoff Willow is a boring storyline. it requires me to like or care about Josie to begin with and i really didn’t before this arc began.

how long was she waiting outside the door just to make her grand “i’m right here, dad” entrance that she in NO WAY could have heard before blowing the door in

maybe it’s maybelline, maybe it’s a shitty storyline...

now she can dessicate a vampire with a HUG???

i love how Hope’s timing is so convenient to witness all the events so the story can move itself along

also more convenient entrances. geez Alaric, is barging in on cue one of the things you teach at this school?

how is Josie almost dessicating MG a good sign? explain your logic Alaric Saltzman

HOPE TO THE RESCUE! (what else is new)

speaking of arcs that are getting old fast - lizzie being the selfish twin one minute then a better person the next. WHICH IS IT? wait, i don’t care.

soooo all of this is to bring on the merge? why exactly? 

how convenient that Alaric was the one sentenced to the box..what if it worked and he’d trapped Josie there? would it just be like Jumanji? “sorry kid, you’re grounded so into the jungle you go”

on that note, check out the knockoff Indiana Jones

ha i knew Lizzie would make a Voldemort reference at some point.

training montage! (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

oh thank god it wasn’t real

Chad you’re precious and the only character worth watching on this show

jfc the necromancer has almost as many titles as Daenerys

how did Josie know where to go? and how could she think he’d been taller if she only just asked him who tf he was? was that just meant to be witty? because it wasn’t

Raf having sudden flashbacks is a plot b that’s unnecessary unless it somehow ties into the overall plot. which, given who the writer is, wouldn’t surprise me in the least because he’s otherwise unimportant in the Josie is evil storyline

behold Josie the queen of eavesdropping and enigmatic one-liners, lord of deus ex machina timing 

well Alyssa’s dead so at least ONE good thing came out of the episode (was that too mean? do i care?)

oh look that werewolf douche who only shows up every other episode!

damn Hope you could’ve at least let him bring the crossbow with him..also how tf did he know where to look to find said crossbow? 

Dr Hawkins??? what is that accent??? does he not recognize him??? wtf i don’t understand the rules of this jungle

great encouragement Landon but not actually helpful

where’d the arena come from? and how did werewolf douche (weredouche? douchewolf?) think the Necromancer is dead if he should’ve been forgotten due to Malivore? wouldn’t the correct assumption be WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY??

yay, more convenient timing and dramatic entrances. as if this episode didn’t have enough of those every other scene

uh...what just happened? let me get this straight..one minute Alaric is Indiana Jonesing with clearly no memory of Kaleb and now he remembers because he read some words that suddenly appeared on a wall? 

how could Raf have died by the tree if he’s clearly alive right now? how are ANY of them alive after that fire Josie set at the end of the last episode?

jfc this episode has so much convenient timing! of course Hope is fine because she’s the heroine and no way would Lizzie let her be staked by the evil twin.

Landon says what i’m thinking about Raf’s plot. i..don’t have anything more to add to this after watching the whole dock scene. the drama is just...too stupid for words

how did Alaric get out of the box and how did he know where to go when he’s been trapped in the jungle?

damn..Alyssa came back.

if this was plan B then why did they even need a plan A?

Raf and Landon are supposed to be this show’s Salvatores, i’m just sayin

nevermind guess Landon’s dead..where was Raf hiding the arrow??

well next week’s glimpse is apparently based on fairy tales which does make sense with that being the book MG gave her. not really looking forward to that episode either but hey i’ve come this far..

rating 3/10. lower than last week’s with still room to get lower!

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

After

In case you were wondering what Fifty Shades of Grey for the teen set looks like, you’ll have a pretty good idea once you see After. Over-the-top romantic dramas are so not my thing, but I will concede they usually make great comedies. This film, based on the fan fiction of the same name, is a silly soapy bad boy/good girl meet at college scenario dialed up to a melodramatic 11. Does it actually succeed as a romance or is this just a pale imitation of the really terrible adult version? Well...

Honestly, it’s just so much. I can’t take it seriously because it’s so cringey in so many ways. I don’t blame the actors (much) because they’re really going for it, but this is so far removed from any kind of realistic interpersonal relationship that I can’t help but hold my head in my hands and weep. 

Tessa (Josephine Young) meets Hardin (Hero Fiennes Tiffin, whom you know as child Voldemort from the sixth Harry Potter) during her first week at college and is both repulsed and drawn to his mysterious bad-boy energy. He likes his coffee like he likes his clothes - black, and he reads F. Scott Fitzgerald for fun so you know he’s deep. Eventually the tension between them is just too much and they become involved, much to the disappointment of Tessa’s wet bread of a boyfriend, Noah (Dylan Arnold) and her mom (Selma Blair). It becomes them against the world until [movie trailer voiceover voice] Tessa learns something that changes EVERYTHING. 

Some thoughts that are basically just a running tally of my reactions to every nonsensical thing that happened:

Oh my god I can’t believe Selma Blair is the mom??? God, nothing makes you feel your own mortality like the stars from teen films of your youth showing up as parents in the teen films of today. 

In what world do upperclassmen stay in the dorms and get paired with incoming freshmen? 

This boyfriend, Noah, has the personality of an egg salad sandwich.

Of fucking course Hardin’s reading The Great Gatsby jesus could there be a bigger neon sign flashing I AM A PRETENTIOUS DOUCHEBAG. Oh and if some arrogant motherfucker told me the end of The Great Gatsby was all a dream while I was naked I would reply “Get the fuck out of my room” rather than debating the thematic elements of the great American novel. 

“I only drink black coffee” - god, these line readings are just so wooden and awful. And I feel like I’m playing “bad boy bingo” over here. The fact that he played young child Voldemort in Half-Blood Prince is not helping his stalker vibes.

These character tropes are so simplistic as to be laughable, and they’re all over the place. I also didn’t party in high school, but I wasn’t raised in a bubble, I knew what fucking Truth or Dare was. And why is Tessa dressed like Sarah Plain and Tall? But then on the flip side, I hate that thing in teen movies where everyone is scandalized that she’s 18 and has only had 1 boyfriend and is a virgin. Like - fucking YEAH. CAUSE SHE’S 18. THAT’S NOT WEIRD. 

The side characters are far more interesting. Like the roommate, Steph (Khadijha Red Thunder), who is pretty great and also hella gay! I can’t tell how I decide about how the movie treats her queerness though. On the one hand, it feels very ~scandalous~ and Tessa’s mom is all like “sHe’S a BaD iNfLuEnCe” but on the other hand, Tessa doesn’t seem that uncomfortable with it and Steph is one of the only people who it seems like she has a healthy emotional attachment to. 

Ok, as reluctant as I am to admit it, I am a sucker for an agonizingly slow almost kiss. And the movie does provide one pretty damn good almost kiss.

Listen, I have taught literature before and there is no way in hell 1) 2 students talk that much on the first day of class 2) you sum up the lecture with “and there you have it - that’s the power of a good book.” 

Boys you don’t trust taking you into the woods is NOT ROMANTIC. 

Why are his eyes open when they kiss??? Bruno Mars has a whole song about this! It’s fucking creepy!

I do appreciate that Tessa isn’t the typical Bella Swan fainting flower. She stands up for herself, she pushes back.

He’s so fake profound - “the silence is peaceful” - god I can’t with this dialogue. 

I love how fast movie breakups are without anyone saying anything useful. All of my breakups have taken an hour MINIMUM but in movies it’s like “It isn’t what it looks like!” and someone walks away, and that’s it. 

I don’t understand this scene in the library...college libraries don’t close? That’s like, one of their main purposes? Is to be open all night for studying?

Landon (Shane Paul McGhie) is a precious angel who deserves his own story rather than being stuck in this shitshow.

Has Peter Gallagher ever played anything BUT a rich father with a tumultuous relationship with his asshole son?

ENGLISH MAJORS CAN GET JOBS, YOU FUCK.

Ok, one legitimate shining moment of praise - I am so goddamn happy that they show safe sex and actually show the condom wrapper before the sex happens, not after. AND that there is clear, enthusiastic consent going on all around! More of this in movies, please. 

JFC whoever wrote this clearly didn’t go to college - you can’t show one student another student’s work without their permission, it’s a goddamn FERPA violation, you don’t know how ANY OF THIS WORKS. And why was Hardin’s essay so long? Why would you write that whole paper and give it to your professor if it’s really basically just a letter to Tessa? You’d get a zero anyway, because I KNOW that shit did not meet the rubric requirements of your assignment, and now you’ve embarrassed yourself by showing it to another person??

Did I Cry? Not a fucking drop.

If this genre really speaks to you, there’s certainly some things here to like. But overall, I think most of us are better off before we ever watch this particular After. 

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 20: Thoughts on The 100 2x04, Many Happy Returns

It’s literally been five months since I did one of these…

The wasteland was a pretty cool concept and I’m sad that they kinda pulled back on it later. Like, when characters can get from point A below the wasteland to point B above it without apparently passing through it at all, it makes it seem like the area is actually not that big after all. Is it, like, just NYC? And maybe the metro area? Also, again, as usual, floored by the costuming on this show. Amazing.

So Zoran is the first human Jaha meets on Earth. A kid and a mutated human.

Clarke is so intensely pragmatic. She legit doesn’t care if people once tried to kill her, as long as they aren’t trying to kill her now. I don’t really see this as forgiveness, but rather an ability to forget the past that isn’t useful to her. Also lol @Anya for saying Clarke is weak, like who broke who out of the Mountain hmmm?

“Everything is Grounder territory.” Murphy telling the truth. And even if some parts of the world aren’t Grounder territory, how the hell would Bellamy know?

Murphy, canonically a terrible runner. Rewatching these early eps just reinforces his glow up since then. (Not in terms of running, but in terms of, like, haircut.)

The wreckage of the Factory crash is so devastating, following the trail of bodies to the crash site. I still wish we’d found out what happened to everyone else. I guess we’re supposed to assume the rest of the stations exploded before impact? But still. I feel some bitterness.

This saving Mel story is entirely, 100% about keeping Bellamy, Finn, and Murphy stuck for most of an episode, allowing Octavia to find them, and then forcing Bellamy to come back to Camp Jaha rather than continue searching for Clarke—so he can, you know, run into Clarke. It’s pure filler. And imo not even very interesting filler since I’m not really like a rescue/adventure story person. I can’t even figure out how Mel ended up stranded along the side of the cliff. Was she climbing up and then got tired? Also, on a related note, at what point do they, Bellamy in particular, realize which station this is? Is it immediately obvious from the wreckage, or only from the identity of the survivor? Because this is Bellamy’s home.

All that time they were talking, Sterling was there in the background, doing whatever. Honestly though shame on Bellamy a little for letting Finn convince him not to save Mel.

Totally forgot they built an electric fence at Camp Jaha. Then, began work on a radio beacon.

I can’t even pay attention to the Clarke and Anya scenes because I’m too attracted to both of them. Less so in the mud. Which is 100% gratuitous given that uh, I don’t think the Mountain Men who almost never go outdoors and are currently wearing big ass gas masks on their faces can smell shit.

Bellamy and his adventure squad are such dumbasses. Huh, let’s tie this thin rope with a single knot around a stump and then just watch our friend use it to scale the side of a mountain. Nothing can go wrong there. I mean there are fucking four of them just standing around watching when they could be, uh, securing the rope? Anyway RIP Sterling, cause of death: idiocy. (Slash the narrative’s need to put Bellamy in the hero role at this point, and to up the ante on his heroism, and to waste some time.)

To be more fair, I think this is semi-important for Bellamy’s characterization, an early version of ‘save who we can save today.’ He’s at a sort of crossroads at this point, not really a leader anymore like in S1, but sort of a leader, and he needs to figure out what sort of leader he’ll be.

Monroe’s “Sterling was one of us” warms my heart because it speaks to my “the 100 were a distinct social group” theory, which I wish (again lol) had been more important to the show and for longer.

Murphy does fall in, though, pretty fast. After Monroe says the ‘one of us’ thing. Which is actually pretty impressive given that a few days ago he was blasting a hole in the dropship and running away with all their ammunition.

This must be such a trip for Jaha, like, he is aware that forest exists still, because of transmissions from the 100, but he’s in the middle of the fucking desert, and this is all he knows of Earth, whatsoever. Also, again, these sets are perfect, I love them so much.

How did the City of Light become a legend among the Grounders? It’s made from the Alie 1 chips…. Didn’t Becca, like, not like those? I’m assuming of course that literally any of this was ever thought out or ever made sense.

“I have no room for hate.” You know what I’m just gonna say it: I think this is true. This is really how Jaha lives the rest of his life. I think people forget since he wasn’t really himself for most of S3, and even in S2 his mission to the City of Light seemed kind of nutty (and boring). But “I have no room for hate” both describes him pretty well, and is rather a lovely thing about him. If only he hadn’t been so obsessed with the COL, tbh. Searching for it was a bad idea from the very beginning and it was also, I think, a rather cowardly idea.

I forgot that this was where the concept of radiation disfigurement came in and was explained. Is that really how it works? Like random mutations, even generations after the event, from non-mutated parents? Lol I have no idea. That said, Sienna kind of looks like she has some scarring on her face, too.

Here is Jaha finding someone who left her people for her son, whereas he sacrificed his son for his people. Does this also change his mind on things going forward? Connect to his insistence on the COL, at the expense of a chunk of his people?

I miss this thing where characters knew other characters even though we’d never seen them interact before, because, like, a history exists and then the show acknowledges it. That was fun.

I shipped Raven/Wick and I don’t regret it, even though fandom’s toxicity basically killed it for me in a lot of ways. They had a good rapport. More importantly, he might literally be the only man to not take shit from Raven and to actually be brave enough to challenge her.

 Engineering is such a damn good set.

This is a weird episode because our two mains have pretty much the least important, or at least least-interesting, story lines. They’re basically just being moved into position to reunite at the end of the ep, and that’s it.

Clarke: “I just need something sharp and sterile [to remove the tracker from your arm].” Anya: bites it out with her teeth.

Why do they bother putting trackers on the Grounders? Do they escape often?

Murphy’s not only helping with the rescue mission, he’s at the head of the line.

Bellamy’s legs appreciation.

Murphy: “Don’t you worry, Bellamy, I won’t drop you.” I mean…you did once try to hang him. But by-gones I guess. I do believe at heart Murphy just wants to be part of the crew.

I think the Raven and Wick scenes are my favorites of this episode. I have two uninjured legs and I wouldn’t climb that thing; Raven is a brave bitch. And when she has to give up and come down, probably the saddest moment of the ep, along with finding Factory station. Some of this is relevant to my big bang.

 After literally all this, Finn’s still like ‘Bellamy, just drop that rando’ lol. No, bitch, don’t do this half-assed. Stop being a wimp and pull them both up.

Before it’s revealed that the horn is Octavia, this really does look like Bellamy and the No Good Very Bad Day lol: first Factory is found destroyed, then Sterling dies, then you almost die when your fake rope breaks, then someone starts shooting arrows at you, then acid fog rolls in, like, what now universe??

I guess another purpose of this story line, being fair again, is that Murphy and Bellamy are now officially friends again. Like Murphy has proven himself completely trustworthy as of that little nod between them.

“She blew the horn” is s obviously ADR to explain what exactly is happening here. Which is helpful, even though she’s clearly carrying the horn.

Blake sibling reunion!

“Three mechanics made it to the ground.” I mean… you’d think it would be more than that… what with the entirety of Mecha making it. Or was that station mostly casualties? I don’t know, this still doesn’t make sense to me, how they split up people between stations. Season 2 implied it was random, Season 3 implied it was by home station.

“Your leg’s messed up and that blows. Figure out a way to work around it.” Legit question: is there anyone else who would have said that to her?

I really, truly miss Wick tbh. One of the few characters with a sense of humor. (And yet again: he was good for Raven.)

They’re really playing fast and loose with the rules about language in this verse huh? Warriors speak English, no everyone speaks English, no English is for friends only I guess?

Jaha just wants to be a dad. Like, do I think he was a good parent… I dunno. Is he a better parent than anyone else on this show? At this point I would have to say yes. (No, Clarke does not count as a “parent” jfc.)

Ruthless Clarke ftw.

Jaha making a chess board just breaks my heart. Just let him be a dad!!

It’s been such a freaking long time since I watched this, I can’t remember if Octavia had braids in the last ep or not, like how long she’s had them. And it’s really bugging me, because someone else must have put them in, and I’m trying to figure out who that might be.

Also, where did she get the horn? I guess the implication is it was Lincoln’s… I can’t really remember. Wouldn’t it still have been on his person when he was captured?

Octavia went off the rails but at this point I’m still very fond of her.

The map Finn gives Bellamy lists ‘statue’ (Lincoln Memorial?), ‘twin trees’ (???), ‘Ark’ (Alpha Station??), and ‘amusement park’ AND amusement park is very close to Ark so my question is why didn’t they use that amusement park for something interesting??

Bellamy knows he shouldn’t let Finn go off alone but then, what can he do? Finn never really adhered to his authority. And I don’t think he feels like he can flex that right now, like it’s sufficiently established in this new order.

But he does arm Murphy. Which says a lot about how much he has decided to trust him, but also how little he trusts Finn. I forgot about this split in the character groups, though I should have remembered it, since of course this leads directly to the massacre.

“Parting, such sweet sorrow, right?” is an interesting quote from a kid who can’t spell ‘die.’

Aw, Clarke goes back to the dropship. I forgot about that. But then of course she doesn’t realize… anything. She doesn’t know the Ark is down, she doesn’t know what happened to the few of her friends who were on the outside. And her face when she sees the message to her, and only her name is still visible…

Blah blah blah fight sequence.

Creepy skeleton parts on the ground.

 I think this could have been the start of an Anya/Clarke friendship of some sort: Clarke earns her respect by fighting well, Clarke’s people protect Anya, the alliance forms… too bad they had to kill her.

And Clarke figures out where Alpha is based on Raven and Wick’s balloon.

“We fell from Earth in a football stadium. I think they already know we’re here.”

BUT the balloon is also what sets off Byrne, and gets her so worried about Grounders she authorizes the ‘shoot on sight’ command that kills Anya and almost Clarke. On the one hand, this is a nicely wrought story line. On the other hand, they shouldn’t have killed Anya, so. A wash.

Was Byrne’s worry about the balloon warranted though? I can’t decide.

Zoran, such a kind soul.

How can there possibly be a bounty on Sky People (side note: Jaha’s reaction to that name like ‘huh well I guess that is what we are’) that people all the way out in the dead zone would know about? Like… they’ve been on Earth for like a month. And the war has only been going on for part of that time, arguably. If it even is a war.

Trent Lane voice: Betrayal, yeah, stab in the back, betrayal…

Too bad “To survive, we do what we must” didn’t end up in like the fandom lexicon. It’s a pretty good variant on the theme. Plus Jaha’s just so… like he’s been fucked over but he can’t even be mad, because he gets that she’s doing it for her son and he wishes he had that chance. Watching his scenes again, I really feel like he was underrated and I miss him a lot.

I wonder what happened to Zoran and family. Were they absorbed into the hive? More generally, what happened to people seeking the CoL before ALIE could get it properly running with Jaha’s help? Did they all just… die in the desert?

Alpha Station at night is so beautiful.

And Clarke is so happy.

And this is SUCH A SETUP FOR CLARKE AND ANYA TO BE FRIENDS OMG, Anya should have brokered peace with Lexa, there was such an obvious role for her… Her death was 100% random attempt at shock, this show’s #1 worst quality, which is saying a lot.

I mean shot in the back while she’s walking away these Sky Guards are incompetent.

RIP Anya.

I really thought the Bellarke reunion was in this ep for some reason. But then I also knew Anya died right at the end—for more Shock Value ofc—so I don’t even know. I remember the scenes but nothing of their order I guess.

[thehellisthisshit-barvs]

GOT s8e5 quick reactions [SPOILERS]

SPOILER WARNING.

I had several predictions for this episode, but only two came true and they were quite obvious to everyone-- Varys’ death by dragon fire and Dany turning batshit insane and burning King’s Landing to the ground.

Everyone, including me, expected Varys to die this episode. I got a bit sad, but I’m at least happy with how he was executed. Tyrion was truthful to him, and Varys bade goodbye as an old friend. The whole sequence was shot beautifully, especially with Drogon appearing out from the darkness. I’m still unsure about the sincerity of his intentions (being a king/queenmaker “for the good of the realm”), but I’m ok with it left unanswered. Goodbye, Varys. I’ll rewatch the whole series soon so I’m looking forward to seeing you again.

I kinda wonder why he took out his rings, though. Is this like taking off your glasses and shoes when leaping from a building?

Tyrion letting Jaime free to save Cersei was frustrating to watch. I get he’s always loved his niece and nephews but goddamnit this is Cersei. I liked his farewell to Jaime, though, and I admit I teared up at that. 

After zombie Viserion’s attack on the Wall last season, I’ve been waiting to see Dany’s two other dragons showcase that same speed. This episode finally fucking delivered. I thought they’d never show it. It’s a bit weird that not one spear got Drogon, but I guess you can chalk it up to Drogon being so fast and the scorpions being so heavy to maneuver that despite their numbers, they can’t hit Drogon,

I was hoping for Yara to face off with Euron’s fleet. There’s just no other proper way for Euron to die or get defeated. I guess it’s budget restrictions that defeated Euron. Speaking of dead Euron, what the fuck was the point of him having a face-off with Jaime. That was lame and it felt fucking empty. Claims he killed Jaime Lannister but rubble killed him first. Also, what’s the glory in killing a handicapped person. They should’ve just let Euron get burned with his fleet as a captain should. Jaime’s injuries weren’t significant for anything anyway, because as i’ve mentioned, he died when the whole building collapsed,

I really like the build up of Cersei’s confidence in winning the fight vs Dany. Hell, I was kinda stressing last episode because how tf does Dany expect to win vs the Iron Fleet, all those scorpions, the Golden Company, with the people of King’s Landing being basically held hostage. And then everything went tits up in a matter of seconds LOL. This is why you just wave a damn flag at the sight of a damn dragon.

Side note, I like how it’s Dany this time who “opened the gate” for her army.

I have expected Dany to go a bit mad, because if I lost both my doggos and my best friend was killed, I’d burn that castle to the ground. I expected Dany to raze the Red Keep, civilians be damned. HOWEVER, I didn’t expect her to go full batshit INSANE and burn the WHOLE GODDAMN KING’S LANDING. That’s fucking too much girl you need the largest snickers bar or kitkat bar in the world. This move greatly shocked me, and it was so damn terrifying. Battle of the Bastards and Hardhome showed that war is insane and horrible, but this. This is giving me ptsd on the same level as joan of arc and all the other war movies I’ve seen gave me. It’s horrible enough that her army, including the fucking northmen, are killing and raping civilians. Now the “queen” herself is burning everyone and everything down. jfc.

There is no going back now. She will definitely die 1000%.

Side note I really like that both Jon and Arya are wearing the classic Stark leader hairstyle.

When Arya went with the Hound in the crumbling Red Keep, I was so afraid she’d die. But I’m glad Sandor gave her the “revenge will consume you” speech and Arya actually listened. I definitely don’t want Arya to die because of a falling rock fuck that.

Dead Qyburn ok

The Jaime-Cersei ending kinda left a bad taste in ma mouth. We went all through Jaime’s redemption arc only for him to be unable to let go of such a toxic person. I was hoping and praying he kills Cersei to stop her insanity but he just fucking went and attempted to save her and fucking hell. At least they died together as they always said they would. Pretty shitty that they got killed by rubble. Cersei didn’t get to pay for what she did to the damn Starks, among others.

That aside, I liked how we saw her fearful. I actually felt a bit sorry for her after she decides to escape wtih Qyburn. She’s a horrible damn person, but she’s not always that. Goodbye, great villain. Until the end you thought you were so smart. smh.

So. Cleganebowl. I wasn’t really into the CB hype, though for a moment I got worried that Sandor will get his head crushed and the Mountain will live. How tf do you kill the Mountain? Fire? Anyway, I’m not mad at how Sandor died. Could have been worse. I’m just glad he got to spend some time with Arya and he got a bit of a reunion with Sansa, even though the rape thing was a dick move. RIP Sandor.

The ending bit with Arya made me so tensed. I thought she was going to die suddenly, or she’s already dead and it’s just her ghost heading to that deus ex horse. Nothing bathed in that much light is “safe” in GOT. Buuuuut I guess this is one fan favorite that you can’t kill. At least, not yet. I’m relieved she didn’t die tho.

With Jon--  the other hero of GOT and Dany’s rival to the throne-- and Arya seeing all the carnage of Dany’s attack on a city that has rang its bells as a sign of giving up, there’s no way not one of them is going to execute Dany.

If Dany doesn’t die at the end of this series, it’s a great fucking TV sin. Thousands of innocents died. Eye for an eye, sure. Kill Cersei’s “dragon” (baby) and her best friend (sure, Jaime). But burning all those people who had nothing to do with your fight? Girl you’re crazy and you must be stopped.

It’s tragic, but it’s a pretty good end for a character in the world of Game of Thrones.

[shmreduplication]

jfc meeting attolia in The Thief is SO HILARIOUS so here’s a short retelling of it w/what everyone was thinking during that scene added in, because that’s skipped over in the book

*Eugenides is lying down, wrapped in bandages.  Attolia enters the dungeon with guards.  The Magus and Sophos are there too*

both of them thinking to themselves, immediately upon seeing the other: OH NO [HE’S/SHE’S] HOT! 

Attolia: (smiling in a genuinely happy way but also in a scary queenly way) How’d you like to come work for me? or i will kill you

Eugenides (thinking): FUCKICAN’TBETHETHEIFFOR2DIFFERENTQUEENSATTHESAMETIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eugenides: I............decline

literally everyone thinking this at the same time: he’s fucked

Attolia: (not smiling anymore) why?

Eugenides (thinking): gods she is so pretty! but also scary! (these 2 thoughts alternate in his head really really fast while he comes up with a lie)

Eugenides, who does not have enough spare blood in his body to pop a fear boner: I have a girlfriend that I miss v much

Attolia (thinking): SHE’S NOT A QUEEN THO!

Attolia (picking her words a little too carefully because she knows the effect she has on men): Surely I would be a better...mistress (somehow she restrains herself from winking rn)

Eugenides (speaking honestly): You are more beautiful

Eugenides, remembering that he’s trying to persuade her to not move him into her palace yet: but not as kind

literally everyone thinking this at the same time: HE’S FUCKED!

[hesthekingofsomewhere]

Yet Another Chatfic pt 5

part 1 I 2 I 3 I 4

this is a long chapter! and im posting it ahead of schedule! bc I love yall!

please leave comments! likes! I love feedback!

Also! this chapter has a peek into sarah, finch, and alberts groupchat

Queens of New York

8:15

santagay: say yeet if you made it home alive

DJacobs: Yeet!

SJ420: yeet

richbitch: yeet

Spot8365631: yeet

respecs: yeet

albiehadalittlelamb: yeet

WhereforeArtThou: yeet

noteventhatshort: yeet

SJ420: wheres finchy boy?

littlebirdie: still at their apt

littlebirdie: oh right

littlebirdie added crispycrutch to Queens of New York

PM with albiehadalittlelamb

santagay: al, finch slept over

albiehadalittlelamb: yeah ik?

santagay: i hate to say this and be that guy, but al, he slept in crutchies room

santagay: ik whats its like to be cheated on, and i never thought i would be having this conversation about finch but I dont want you to get hurt.

albiehadalittlelamb: ill ask finch, im sure nothing happened

PM with littlebirdie

albiehadalittlelamb: did my fake bf cheat on me?

littlebirdie: …

albiehadalittlelamb: GET SOME BOIII

littlebirdie: lmao so your not mad?

albiehadalittlelamb: why would I be mad? even if we were dating id be chill about this, ik you have a huge thing for crutchie and lord knows youd never get any action from me

albiehadalittlelamb: the only problem is that jack thinks your cheating on me

littlefinch: ok so should we fake-break up? cuz i kind of dont want to, but if jack thinks im cheating on you…

albiehadlittlelamb: i have a plan

albiehadalittlelamb: does crutchie know that were fake dating?

littlebirdie: ye, theres no way i would even be allowed into his room if we were actually dating

albiehadalittlelamb: ok but heres the thing, if jack thinks you cheated on me, then race probably thinks the same

littlebirdie: oooHHHHHH

littlebirdie: so now im also fake cheating on you so that race will feel bad and fall for you and your sad situation

albiehadalittlebird: exactly!

littlebirdie: nice! what could possibly go wrong

Queens of New York

respecs: so why is this chat called queens of new york

inyourFACEtrack: well you see…

inyourFACEtrack: twas all hallows eve 2017

inyourFACEtrack: and 7 of us showed up to kaths halloween as drag queens completely independantly

noteventhatshort: and sarah kath jack and i were dressed as disney princesses

respecs: thats beautiful

respecs: and here i thought it was bc ?everyone? here is lbgtq

santagay: well if you think about it, its both

richbitch: when was the last time we even had a straight in this chat?

crispycrutch: i think  we had morris in the chat for a week when he was dating romeo

santagay: oh god i forgot about that

SJ420: does he even count as a straight?

inyourFACEtrack: well there was a reason he was only in the chat for a week so…

santagay: true, speaking of which

santagay: specs, if you ever hurt romeo, we will find out where you live and steal all of you soap lest you ever get a date again

respecs: noted?

SJ420: he gave me the same threat when I started dating kath lmao

santagay: it worked didnt it?

SJ420: im hate you

santagay: you loved me once loser

WhereforeArtThou: oh shit he went there

inyourFACEtrack: oooooooooooo

crispycrutch: ??????

SJ420: once upon a time i thought i was a het, and then i dated jack for like 2 months

SJ420: and 90% of our relationship was checking out pretty girls together

SJ420: so i figured i should date those pretty girls

noteventhatshort: BIG MOOD

SJ420: for the record the other 10% of the relationship was jack checking out “cute” boys and me being like eh

santagay: and herre i thought you were just trying to stop me from being jealous

SJ420: jack at one point i kissed another girl in front of you and you did not care

noteventhatshort: AHHH

inyourFACEtrack: OOOF

richbitch: AN ICON

santagay: ok well

SJ420: don’t even try bud

DJacobs: That’s my sister!!!!!

santagay: but at least you didnt hide it

santagay: at least you werent kissing people behind my back like SOME people in this chat

SJ420: ????

Spot8365631: i thought you were over that

santagay: i am i just need to have moral high ground over someone

inyourFACEtrack: wait what

noteventhatshort: is this chat just stories of jack getting cheated on now?

richbitch: im living for this

richbitch: jack cant keep a man nor woman

noteventhatshort: but whats this about spot cheating on jack?

santagay: he BROKE my FRAGILE 15 y/o HEART

santagay: but spottie was too cool, lived too fast, couldnt be tied down to one man

Spot8365631: also david was a much better kisser

SJ420: OH SHIT PLOT TWIST

richbitch: CALLED OUT

inyourFACEtrack: 911? theres been a murder?

DJacobs: This…. is true.

inyourFACEtrack: THE LEGEND HIMSELF SPEAKS

respecs: i am living for the drama in this chat

crispycrutch: were kind of a mess tbh

respecs: i understand and completely respect that

inyourFACEtrack: you reSPECt that?

respecs: haha very funny not like thats my goddamn username or anything

Spot8365631: roasted

inyourFACEtrack: bitch

inyourFACEtrack: YO JACK ROMEO, GOT MY MFN 29TH

santagay: fuck offfffff

WhereforeArtThou: this bet is unfair

WhereforeArtThou: im only attracted to one gender, thats less than half the people to ask

santagay: dude ur still winning

WhereforeArtThou: yeah but its a lot more work

inyourFACEtrack: i only have 1 girls number, i think its p even

santagay: this seems like something you should have considered when we started

WhereforeArtThou: ok but consider this

WhereforeArtThou: i didnt

inyourFACEtrack: ok but consider this

inyourFACEtrack: ur a dumbass

WhereforeArtThou: strong words coming from a guy who threw a wii remote out the window

noteventhatshort: fight fight fight fight

inyourFACEtrack: my embarrassments are not ur entertainment smalls

noteventhatshort: ur embarrassments are my only entertainment what r u talking about

Spot8365631: also everything you do is embarrassing

inyouFACEtrack: i feel betrayed

santagay: you should

santagay: i once saw u put hot chocolate mix in oj

inyourFACEtrack: it tastes like a terrys chocolate orange i stand by my choices

crispycrutch: you snorted mr noodles seasoning bc spot told you to

inyourFACEtrack: and i got 20$ for it

Spot8365631: u didnt “””get”””” 20$ ur debt to me was just slightly reduced

inyourFACEtrack: EITHER WAY

crispycrutch: once i watched u drop a spoon into a pot of boiling water and stick ur hand in to get it

inyourFACEtrack: i think ur point has been made, thnk u crutchie

Spot8365631: please do not stop, hes had it coming

crispycrutch: i will stop only bc i value my safety and so i still have receipts for the future

inyourFACEtrack: oh god

inyourFACEtrack: why did i think it was a good idea to live with you

crispycrutch: bc you love me and i contribute to the rent

inyourFACEtrack: touche

crispycrutch: besides, i would have dirt on you regardless

crispycrutch: i have seen each and every one of you do stupid stuff, no one is safe

inyourFACEtrack: mooooom crutchies being meannnn

DJacobs: Crutchie, please delete your blackmail.

crispycrutch: how can i delete it when its in my brain

santagay: i have never been more scared of crutchie

SJ420: crutchie is my idol

crispycrutch: that does not make you safe my friend

SJ420: honestly at this point you could reveal anything about me and i would not care

SJ420: i have reached a god status where nothing you say could possibly embarrass me

richbitch: im so in love with you

SJ420: love you too babe

PM with SJ420

richbitch: ik youre in the next room but i dont want dave to hear, but I got a dinner reservation for two tomorrow at 7 and was wondering if you would like to join me

SJ420: i mean of course, but why are you asking me like this

richbitch: because

richbitch: also you should wear that dress you got for christmas

SJ420: ok?

More Than Just Cigars

SJ420: kath is acting weird

albiehadalittlelamb: what kind of weird

albiehadalittlelamb: like “i just lost a lot of money” weird

albiehadalittlelamb: “i just took a bunch of acid” weird?

littlebirdie: oh no is it “i just slept with jack” weird?!

SJ420: oh god no

SJ420: she texted me and asked me on a date

SJ420: i asked her why and she said because

littlebirdie: !!!!!!!!!

littlebirdie: DID SHE ASK YOU TO WEAR SOMETHING SPECIFIC

SJ420: ye, a dress from christmas

albiehadalittlelamb: OH MYYYYY GODDDDDDDD

littlebirdie: GIRL

SJ420: what????

littlebirdie: jfc ur blind

albiehadalittlelamb: if u havent caught on yet we cant morally help u srry

SJ420: GUYS PLEASE

littlebirdie: nope

albiehadalittlelamb: have fun on ur date tho

PM with santagay

albiehadalittlelamb: oh yeah finch did not, in fact cheat on me

albiehadalittlelamb: he was just making up with crutchie last night, they had a fight

santagay: and u trust finch in this

albiehadalittlelamb: ofc, ive known finch a long time, he would never

santagay: ok if you insist, i just dont want you to get hurt

albiehadalittlelamb: thanks jack

Queens of New York

littlebirdie: anyone else just, super glad that theyre gay?

littlebirdie: bc thats such an important feeling

DJacobs: Me too, Finch

Spot8365631: rt

SJ420: rt

noteventhatshort: rt

WhereforeArtThou: rt

albiehadalittlelamb: rt

santagay: rt but bi

inyourFACEtrack: rt but bi

richbitch: rt but bi

respecs: rt but bi

crispycrutch: rt but pan

littlebirdie has changed Queens of New York to Queers of New York

inyourFACEtrack: helllllll yeah

Spot8365631: no cussing, my mom checks my phone

inyourFACEtrack: oh my goodness im so sorry spot

inyourFACEtrack: ill delete the message right away

DJacobs: What?

DJacobs: Why does your mom check your messages, Spot?

DJacobs: You’re 23 and moved out?

DJacobs: Also I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you swear in this chat.

DJacobs: This is a meme, isn’t it?

santagay: u got there on ur own!

santagay: im so proud of u!

DJacobs: Thank you, Jack.

inyourFACEtrack: why does it feel like everyone is in loving and healthy relationships except me?

PM with inyourFACEtrack

Spot8365631: wow rude

inyourFACEtrack: were not in a relationship remember?

Queers of New York

DJacobs: Jack and I are not dating.

santagay: dude, were mom and dad, i think that’s close enough

respecs: question, in this mom/dad thing, who is everyone else

santagay: kath and sarah are the aunts obvi

inyourFACEtrack: smalls, romeo, crutchie, al, and i are their kids

inyourFACEtrack: finch used to be one of the kids but now hes dating al so that seems weird

inyourFACEtrack: i guess hes sarahs kid now?

SJ420: awwww i love my new son

respecs: what about spot?

santagay: hes kind of… his own entity… like an estranged uncle or neighbor that spends more time in ur house than his own

Spot8365631: rude but accurate

santagay: thats my name dont wear it out

Spot8365631: i hate you sm

santagay: then y r u always in my house???

Spot8365631: this metaphor has gone to far. blocked deleted and unfollowed.

santagay: honestly? thats fair

santagay: i respect ur choices

Spot8365631: sounds fake but ok

PM with Spot8365631

inyourFACEtrack: in a beautiful twist of fate, crutchie jack are going to see a movie with davey and kath, and im home alone with a meat lovers pizza on its way

Spot8365631: ok?

inyourFACEtrack: would you care to join me?

Spot8365631: no, sounds too much like a date, and were not in a relationship right?

inyourFACEtrack: dude, were friends, sharing a pizza, and maybe having anal sex

inyourFACEtrack: thats not a date its just what we do

Spot8365631: still no, i have to finish a foreign policy essay for tomorrow

inyourFACEtrack: oh ok

[sunnysidewrites]

Husband!Joshua

Requested by anon: Can I have a married!au with Joshua? Like what mornings together are like, if that makes sense? Thank you so much!            

HERE IT ISSSSS!!!!!! I promised to write more in December, but it’s seriously ridiculously hectic, so I’m sorry that I haven’t been able to write more!! BUT ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I’VE WRITTEN IN GENERAL SO THAT’S AN ACCOMPLISHMENT ON ITS OWN!!! After the repeal of net neutrality, who knows how much more time is left before I’m unable to..... :(((( Happy reading children!!!!

warnings: i just,,,, got incredibly soft bye

One word: SOFT

Oh my god y’all he is seriously hubby material I’m shakING

Everything he does, from little to big gestures, is always a way of him showing affection

It ranges from him giving you a shoulder massage when he notices you rubbing them tirelessly recently to treating you out to a Broadway show

“Joshua how in the hell did you get us tickets to Wicked when they sold out months ago??”

“Don’t worry about it babe, the focus is on you and all your hard work tonight <33333”

iM ACTUALLY MELTING!!! M ELT I NG!!!!

but actually he has a lot of friends who owe him 84 favors

Being courteous has its perks

Gentleman is his middle name,,,, ya know until someone tries to pull a fast one on you

Even if it’s not even anything deep

Mingyu would just give one of his bear hugs and JOSH WOULD JUST HAVE THAT L O O K

“okay mingyu that’s quite enough touching, thank you very much” he would sass as he subtly pulls you closer to him

Poor mingyu is pouting bc he’s like hyung!!! that’s not fair you weren’t like this before you got married :////

Marriage changes you, lil one

MORNINGS WITH HIM ARE SO!!!!!! FREAKING S W E E T IM W E A K

You usually stir in his arms, in the same exact position most of the time

Your limbs are tangled together, your head buried in his chest

His arm is draped around your shoulders while simultaneously half being your pillow

He often wakes up at the same time as you and you both groggily exchange smiles and slow blinks and eye rubs

JOSHUA HONG INVENTED HUSKY MORNING VOICES!!! WOW KMS

“Good morning beautiful”

And you’re like this is way too early for me to be blushing

Sleepy morning wake up kisses alsdjksdljfdj iM CRYING IN THE CLUB

Usually just cheek kisses though bc you still gotta freshen up LOL

V v v reluctant to let you go and leave the bed but you threaten him that you won’t be kissing him until you can wash up and then he’s like ok fine

“If you don’t let me go rn, you aren’t receiving kisses the whole day”

“You make a compelling argument”

Lazy mornings when y’all sleep in

You quickly whip up some fried eggs and he helps toasts the bread and sets the table

Y’all are just one soul split in 2 bodies tbh and iM LIVING FOR IT

If someone is ogling eyes at you for a second too long he gets suPER POSSESSIVE

y’all would just be walking down the street and suddenly his arm shifts from around your shoulders to snaking around your waist and you’re like ????????

And all he does is look ahead with that infamous Cheshire Cat smirk-grin and you KNOW he’s up to no good

“Josh, you ok?”

“Of course I am, sweetie, why wouldn’t I be? Can’t I just show my lovely spouse some affection?” *wink wink*

“Alright what are you jealous about this time”

cmon joSH WE LITERALLY CHOSE YOU JFC YOU’RE A GROWN MARRIED MAN

Offers to clean just about everything

Dishes, bathtub, toilet, the living room, your bedroom

Literally any space in your home

And you’re gonna scream bc you know he must be 73 times more tired than you are but he can’t help it!!!

He’s always observing your behavior for any indication of fatigue, from the way you blink to your occasional self lower back rub

He could practice for 15 hours straight and it still wouldn’t hurt him as much as seeing you exhausted and having the life drained out of you

:’(((( I’m sorry I need a moment

Definitely loves to have you close by him so he’s assured you’re his and safe!!!

Whether it’s hand holding, waist grip, shoulder arm drape, even a piggyback ride, he’s instantly reassured from your sole presence

BACK!!!!!!!! HUGS!!!!!! *SCREAMS*

You would be just browsing the bookshelf and suddenly his arms slowly engulf your front and yoU’RE ABOUT TO TRANSFORM INTO A PUDDLE RIGHT THEN AND THERE

He’s incredibly warm, inside and out

His breath always tickles your ear and when he does that beautiful melodious giggle you’re sure you’re about to become 1 with the earth lmao

Jokes all the time and lightly pranks you

But he does it out of love :’))))

He really just does it to see you get flustered bc you’re such a cutie and he thinks that too

“JOSH!!! YOU KNOW I CANT REACH IT WHEN YOU HOLD IT UP HIGH!!!”

and he watches you struggle for a little bit and he can’t help but break out into this goofy fond grin

“ok you win you’re too adorable you got me!”

“You made me suffer!!”

“BUT YOU’RE JUST SO CUTE”

And you lowkey forgive him bc he always gives a sweet lil sorry peck

and they may or may not lead to make out sessions sometimes

He loves taking you to different places for changes of scenery and just for your sake so you get to experience everything with him!!!

But he also definitely doesn’t mind having lazy days and cuddling on the couch

Y’all have cute married couple arguments that make you frustrated but also laugh at how ridiculous they sound

“Josh I told you to get the plastic ones”

“But plastic is harmful so I got the paper ones”

“We aren’t microwaving them??? It was perfectly fine to get plastic”

“Look I’m just trying to look out for us!!”

“IT'S FINE GET THE PLASTIC”

“DO YOU WANNA DIE??? NO I THINK NOT WE ARE STICKING WITH PAPER”

besides that bickering, it’s not very common for y’all to fight bc you are usually on the same wavelength

But in cases where you do bicker, both of you get upset more at the thought of arguing so you work it out right and there

A very very healthy relationship!!! yay reader!!!

There’s not a day that goes by without him cracking a dad joke or sending you some memes of his members

“Honey, check out this pic of Vernon at the carnival—“

“I know babe, he’s choking on a churro and the staff member behind him panicked”

“Want to hear a joke about paper?” “No, I really don’t—“ “never mind, it’s tearable” “if I hEAR ONE MORE DAD JOKE JOSH”

But it’s chill bc he makes it up to you by peppering you with soft kisses all over your face right before you go to sleep!!!

You’re in his secure hold with your face resting on his broad chest

And you’re about to knock out but before you do, he ambushes you with your favorite attack: kisses

and you’re like oh my god bby what are u doing

He keeps planting kisses on every inch of your face and in between each of them, he softly speaks, “because I love you and I’m trying to make you forget about those jokes from earlier”

You can’t help but laugh at how sweet he is and you give him a short and sweet kiss

“Well, I’ll make an exception for my husband, I suppose”

and you fall asleep with his warmth surrounding you <33333333

[kopicetic]

Also have any Kings fans listened to any of Brandt Clarke's interviews? That child puts auctioneers and car salesmen to shame, he talks faster than lightspeed jfc. This is like the oldest person "get off of my lawn" type post I've made probably but lmao kid speaks so damn fast.

He just has a lot to say though. He's pretty eloquent, despite any "uhs" and "ums" he might have peppered in there and like so far I'm impressed.

As far as Detroit's draft and FA has gone, I can't bring myself to care a ton while Blash is STILL here.

Like just mini rant here but the main argument I see from people supporting Blash is that he has no talent to work with.

But in the same breath Wings fans and media (I fucking HATE MLIVE) are like "ZADINA IS THE NEXT DATSYUK. VRANA IS FIVE MILLION TIMES BETTER. RASMUSSEN IS A STUD."

So. Like. WHICH ONE IS IT FFS. Either he has no talent and of COURSE they're gonna be trash or we have talented young guys who should be progressing each season and yet their progression isn't seeming to be as fast as it hypothetically should be.

Y'all. The reaching you're doing. I fucking love Yzerman. I wholeheartedly believe he can build a winning Red Wings team, just like he built the Tamper w/ the cap Bay. But I just don't think Blash is gonna coach us anywhere besides to high draft picks.

And at what point does this become detrimental to growth? At what point does a losing environment start affecting these players?

For the love of fucking hockey gods, LET SVECH GO TO A DIFFERENT TEAM. He's never been given a truly real chance to grow and develop here and at this point why would he even want to be here.

[mosrael]

Like...I’m frustrated in my job, like really extremely frustrated, but I love the kids I work with, I love the people on my team at my site, and I love the families that we work so hard for.  These people make such a frustrating job really worthwhile...Working with kids is batshit bananas every single day, but somehow, despite all the weirdness, kid drama, and absolute inability to spell or multiply, they really grow on you...

Like, getting little notes from them and listening to their weird little stories...they feel like small things but the fact that they trust and like me enough to want to share those things with me is really heartwarming.

OK GUYS,  WARNING THIS IS A REALLY LONG POST  I AM SO SORRY - I HAD WAY MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS THAN I THOUGHT I DID, PHEW...

Yesterday I was at a doctors appointment for the first part of program so my boss covered for me till I got back and she could leave. When I got back, I just barely peeped my head in the door they LITERALLY screamed and ran and mobbed me at the door and nearly knocked me over trying to give me hugs and to tell me whatever crazy stories they had of things that had happened in the WHOLE two hours that I was gone, hahaha!  And yes, it was chaotic, but it was just so sweet and heartwarming, I just....these students are my kIDS, MAN, MY KIDS. They did the same thing today when I left for like 20 minutes to go get more icing for their gingerbread houses and it just blows my mind every single time. This one little girl who ALWAYS has an attitude told me she’d miss me over break like five or six times before she left today, and gave me a bunch of hugs and kept waving as she walked out the door, and there are kids that do that every day, but this time with her, it was just kind of...a strange moment? because i could tell how much she was growing as a person, becoming more positive and confident and open and slower to catch an attitude like she was forever doing when i first started. I get the same warm fuzzies when they come to program all excited and out of breath waving around a crumply piece of paper that turns out to be a quiz or a test that they did so well on that they ad to RUN to program to show me. It’s nice to see them succeed, and be happy and proud of themselves, it’s just a really promising thing to see, and I can’t exactly explain it. Over the summer the kids who walked from a bus stop to program would bring me flowers (pretty sure they “found” them in someone’s garden so I had to shut that down hella fast but STILL). They tell new poop jokes literally every day like it’s the best shit on the planet (see what I did there HAH). I guess it’s refreshing that kids can be so...upfront and weird and honest... its endearing! lol they’re the weirdest little gremlins, but hey we’re a team of gremlins and i’m the gremlin queen so i guess i’m gonna lead these gremlin troops to their glory if it is the last thing i do lol.

I mean, there are just so many examples I could give and I have only worked here for a couple years....I can’t even imagine the weird, ridiculous, great and awful things that teachers that have been in the line of work for DECADES have seen. Jfc...

Like, interacting with kids so much though, and spending more time in the teacher role rather than a student role in a school environment, I really find myself wondering what is the norm, or even if there is one. Sucks that I can really only speak to my own experience and that’s all I can go by, especially because even my own memories of my own experiences aren’t entirely reliable. I definitely know that I don’t remember being like these kids are when I was a kid? Affectionate with teachers, or attached to them, I mean, specifically, because of course there’s a ton of similarity I can see in them compared to the way I was coming up, in some things here and there. But I’d never go out of my way to hang around a teacher, or to like...draw them a picture or write them a letter, or tell them a joke or ask to sit next to them on the bus rides to field trips and stuff. That’s where the greatest difference is, at least comparing to my own experience in school. I had a couple teachers that sort of inspired me, but I didn’t have casual conversations with them, and I didn’t like...want them to play tag or four square or anything with my friends and I, and I didn’t try and show them funny jokes or tell them what was going on in my little weird kid life. But the kids I work with do all those things. I know that there are probably loads of reasons why this is the case, and that it’s unrealistic for me to try and pinpoint what causes that kind of difference, especially since when it comes down to it all these kids are individuals and can’t be expected to behave like I did, or like my friends did at their age, because every individual’s experience is just that...individual. But I find myself wondering at the reasons why they are the way they are regardless. Maybe it’s different because really, I’m not a teacher, since this is a nonprofit after school program, no matter how closely integrated we are with the area schools. I guess in a way, that makes it easier to connect with families in a more personal way, but still...I know that’s probably a piece of it, but it isn’t the reason. I can’t imagine an entire group of 8 year olds would base their behaviors towards someone they consider a teacher on what exactly the status of the program is, especially when they have slime to make and fidget spinners and beyblades to trade and break and lose and argue about. There have got to be a lot of reasons, and no matter how much I know in my head that it’s unrealistic of me to try and pin down all the exact reasons, and that there’s really no point or value to trying to track them down, I still find myself heading down this train of thought pretty frequently. Not as frequently as I think about how shitty Ella from Ella Enchanted’s life would be if she lived in our society, but still pretty frequently nonetheless. I mean, some of these kids are like “Bye Gabby love you!” when they leave, even if I scolded them earlier that same day and dealt with the subsequent attitude that scolding a kid inevitably gets you sometimes. They’re always giving me hugs and trying to sit in my office with me and to organize my office (but NEVER the library or their own cubbies, that would be TOO MUCH TO ASK) or asking to try what I’m eating, or how my sister and her chinchilla are doing, or trying to make me try some food or other they brought me, or trying to force feed me broccoli because they know I hate it and they think that’s HILARIOUS, or telling me that we HAVE to get the class fish a gift for christmas and that his last name is the same as my last name and ew I’m married to the class fish and the list just goes on and on and on....Their candor extends to their families too, truthfully. The families for the most part are really warm and welcoming and kind, too...The parents bring me meals sometimes and even invite me and the team at my site to their get togethers...

I guess it just really surprises me how welcoming and open the people and kids I work with are. i don’t remember where i was going with this. I have been really irritated with my job lately, to the point where I’m really very seriously considering packing up and moving away to try something new elsewhere. It’s just....working with the kids and the great people on my team at my site really mean a lot to me, and I don’t want to leave them behind like that because we’re a team and the kids and families are a part of that...I don’t know. I’m just really torn. It’s absolutely no doubt that my job is fun sometimes, I mean, literally every day I’m positive that I hear at least one sentence from a kid or a coworker that is so strange that I’m POSITIVE I will never hear it again in my life. And in what other line of work could I experience the excitement and terror of organizing and attending an ice skating field trip with 80 8 - 12 year olds, and hoping and praying that no one gets a finger chopped off by a wayward skate on a kids foot? Where else would I be able to experience falling hard on my butt on the ice and having a bunch of kids try and help you get up just to slip and fall themselves while also trying to stop you laughing co-teachers from taking photos of the admittedly hilarious scenario? Is there another line of work where it’s an entirely reasonable occurance to turn around and see a pair of little kid legs sticking out from beneath your desk, telling him to come out from under there, and having him tell you he can’t because it’s his cucaracha cave and he’s just a cucaracha living in his cucaracha house? It’s really bananas, the whole thing is exhausting and exhilarating and fun and messy and frustrating and annoying but lovable and worthwhile, and I just have to remember all that when all the long hours, frustrating pay, and other awful things that dredge up all my anxieties and fears and concerns happen. It’s literally just like...a rollercoaster of terror. It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time, it’s great and it’s also literally killing me, sometimes moreso than others. It’s fun and the kids and families are sweet and my team and site are fabulous and the work we’re doing is always undoubtedly worthwhile, so for now at least, that’s enough to keep me invested for now, I guess. The people who make it worthwhile really do a great job at making it that way. I appreciate them a lot, honestly. My team does so much and I appreciate them like crazy, and my desire to make sure that I’m helping them as much as they help me outweighs my desire to branch out wholeheartedly to find something better because that would mean more work for them and they don’t deserve that, because they’ve been nothing but great. the kids don’t deserve that either, they’ve already had a lot of teachers and coordinators come and go every single year and they’ll feel abandoned and hurt, and that seeps into the families and breeds just...some really bad feelings that the kids don’t deserve and I don’t want to do anything that would cause any of them to even begin to wonder if it’s something that they did that made me leave, or if it’s something about them that makes people come and go so frequently, because that’s absolutely false. i don’t want to risk anything that would jeopardize all the hard work that the kids and the whole team has put into building their confidence in themselves along with their academics. And besides, I’d miss my team and I’d definitely miss the kids....

I don’t really know why I started going into all this, but I’m slowly getting the impression that I’m maybe trying to give myself some pros and cons so that I can have something to reference when I inevitably have to make a real decision about where I’m going to take this whole career thing. I didn’t plan to be where I am now, but now that I’m here, I’m invested and I really do need to think carefully about any moves I make since it’s impossible to ignore the fact that it’ll affect a lot of people, and people I care about and am actively working to build up at that. I think I just...needed to have all of this out in some kind of haphazard organized form and out of my cloudy excuse for a brain where all these things were just kind of frantically flailing around in little half-thoughts. and now I can’t find the read more button thing so it’s just gonna be this long annoying text post on your dash  UPDATE: I FOUND THE READ MORE THING! phew, one problem solved at least! That’s the first time I have ever solved a problem, I think--anyways, i honestly would not fault someone for totally ignoring because WOW this got real long real fast...

if you did read this, thanks. C: it feels good to know that someone out there knows what I’m worrying about and is maybe expending a little bit of energy just thinking about the same thing I’m thinking about. just the possibility of that sort of makes me feel a little bit less alone in this situation. let me know what you think if you feel so inclined! I’ve gotta make a decision here and I know that I don’t really have time to just fool around and pretend that this doesn’t exist...I can’t afford to fuck around and be careless here when there are people I honestly care about (I KNOW! I hate admitting that I CARE about people. gross lol) involved. ugh. balance, what even is that? sounds like fake news, i don’t believe it exists.

uh....anyway, i guess this is the end. i’m sitting here typing away like i don’t have to be an adult and get my car inspected before taking a 3 hour road trip tomorrow. i should be responsible and go to sleep but whatever i’ve done enough responsible things for the day so getting to bed in a timely manner can wait for another day. baby steps, fam, baby steps

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 301

Ermagherd guys. It’s been 84 years but the new season is finally here! And not gonna lie, I was about 50/50 excited and nervous for the new episodes to come out because ugh season two…

But I actually really liked the episode! I felt the things I was supposed to feel! I wanted to punch the people I thought I’d want to punch! I yelled a lot of things at Frank because I still hate him! My desire to smash the patriarchy grew three times! It went by really, really fast! Can they all go by this fast so it’s not like waiting 84 more years for Jamie and Claire to get back together? Cool.

Anywho, ramblings are under the cut. I split them up between Boston and Scotland just to keep it organized but I *loved* the editing of the episode. And the direction. Good job, new director guy!

(omfg i forgot how long i get when i write these things and also how fucking long it takes to like proofread and format once i’m sober...)

Scotland

There are no more bagpipes in the theme music and it’s making me feel things. *shakes fist at Bear in the best way possible*

The shot with all the bodies is powerful and everything but I can’t also help feeling a little salty that season two/DIA exists since lol nothing matters. They’re all dead and they were always going to be dead and I just really didn’t like last season but this is the new season sooo moving on.

The body they zoom over after the piles of bodies is Murtagh, right? Because it looks like Murtagh. And Amazon’s x-ray thing is telling me it’s Murtagh. So Murtagh’s not getting saved? Because when they talk about him later in the episode I got my hopes wayyy up that he was going to come back at some point in the season. So now I guess they’re going to have Jamie maybe remember later on? Like maybe keep the part on the ship after Claire is hurt when he tells her the story about how he dies? Anywho, I’m going to go have feelings about Murtagh now.

This killing of the wounded is the most brutal parallel to Prestonpans, guys. (RIP Lt. Babyface)

Also, Sam Heughan and Tom Hardy should star in a two-man show where Sam acts everything without speaking and Tom does the whole thing with his Bane/Mad Max/Dunkirk masks on so he like only has an eyebrow left visible.

Seriously though. Murder me with feels why don’t you, dying!Jamie.

And it’s not supposed to be a surprise that it’s BJR on top of him, right? Like they didn’t think they were going to make that a reveal or anything did they? Because like who the fuck else would it be...

I’m really glad they edited it this way with it all out of sequence and cutting back and forth and stuff though. Like Prestonpans was straightforward and it was awesome. But man does this just hit me in the “omg they’re all doomed and Jamie’s dying and that’s what he wants so badly so like I want him to get what he wants but he can’t die because #plot” feels. Plus the nod to the book where his memories of the battle are all jumbled.

JFC, BPC. STFU about your birthday cup. What the actual fuck is wrong with you. How are you so bad at this. It’s been more than a year since season two and I still just want to punch your very punchable face.

Ok I know Jamie at the stones is supposed to be all heartbreaking and moving and shit, and it is, I guess, as much as it can be in the 0.5 seconds we see him there. But him smelling Claire’s plaid just reminds me of this post and I lol’ed an inappropriate amount for the moment.

I *really* want to punch BPC’s “oh shit, we’re fucked” face. Like when Jamie tells him to order the charge while there’s still a chance and his face is just like that look of horror over what’s happening like WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WAS HAPPENING YOU FUCKING IDIOT WITH YOUR FUCKING BIRTHDAY CUP FROM YOUR DAD. LOOK THE FUCK AROUND YOU. THIS ISN’T A FUCKING GAME AND OMFG SOMEONE PLEASE PUNCH HIM.

Also inappropriately chuckling at Jamie murdering a dude with fucking divot, but moving on because…

MURTAGH!!! Omg both of their faces when they see each other and “Where’ve you been, enjoying a wee whisky?” *Murtagh casually kills a dude* “You’re welcome.” I JUST LOVE THE TWO OF THEM SO MUCH. Also, thanks for the heads up that the Lallybroch guys are home safe, Murtagh. Move over, Game of Thrones season seven. Outlander has had teleporting since the beginning.

Outlander: Where Time Travel Is Real, But Travel Time Isn’t

All that training in Je Suis Prest and they end up just charging in. Because lol nothing matters. But I did really like Je Suis Prest so whatever.

I’m not sure I like this weird “magic hour” lighting on the Jamie and BJR fight? Like I get if that’s just when they filmed it that’s one thing, and that their fight is like for *all the closure* so it’s almost separate from the rest of the battle. But I’m not feeling it?

Super glad that we do get that closure of seeing Jamie kill him though, and that Jamie remembers it so he can like process and move on from that part of his life.

Them landing like in a hug and then basically spooning is a bit on the nose though, show. Although like thanks I guess for having him keep Jamie alive and not bleeding out by literally laying on his wound?

Oh the dragonfly in amber. I’m still not a fan of the gifts at the stones thing from last year. But I guess I’m ok with him having something of Claire’s to hold on to so like when vision!Claire appears there’s like something physical tying her to him?

Also, vision!Claire is fucking stunning.

I swear to fuck Jamie thinking he’s seeing Claire in the early episodes is going to murder me.

“I’m not gonna leave ye to die in the mud. Even if ye are a pig-headed loon who canna hold his whisky.” “Drink you under the table.” Literally dying Jamie Fraser defending his alcohol tolerance is my new aesthetic. 

I’m glad they show him dropping the amber because like there goes his last physical memory of Claire. *sobs quietly* But also to show how it eventually ended up in the museum for Claire to see last season. Because I def thought they weren’t going to bring that back again and her seeing it last season was just a weird bit of haha look how this is here now for Claire to see! Feel things, monkey, feel the feelings! (That said, I don’t know if I like it enough to merit the time spent on it at the stones last year…)

Ok so I’m starting to think that Murtagh is really dead and that really was him that we saw on the ground at the beginning and they’re just bringing him up again to established that no one knows what happens to him so they can go back later in the season and have Jamie remember him dying and then I’ll have all the Murtagh feelings.

(Seriously though, please fucking save Murtagh!)

I really, *really* love Rupert in the scenes in the house. I love that they let him step up and, with Jamie out of commission, really become the leader of these men. His “No, my lord. Traitors all. Shall we be hanged then.” has just that right amount of fuck you in it, but his “Thank you, my lord.” is definitely genuine. Like yeah, he’s going to die, but at least it’s an honorable man who’s going to kill him in an honorable way?

Seriously though, I love Hal.

Ugh, Jamie saying “she’s gone.” That’s going to be a thing isn’t it. Like with Jenny and then with LJG. And it’s going to murder me every time isn’t it. Ok.

The goodbye with Rupert is my everything. The humor and feelings and Angus and omg. I have feelings.

And the way Rupert’s voice changes when he says “aye.” And when he says his name. Guys why is my face wet.

“No man in the king’s custody will be shot lying down on my watch.” I fucking love you, Hal.

Gah, the way Jamie’s voice changes and becomes stronger when he says his name, like Rupert’s did. It’s like it’s their chance to go out with all of their dignity. But then Jamie’s fades because he’s so weak. *sobs*

“Does the name John Grey mean anything to you?” “Well no, because even though he gave your father’s name and title plus his birth order last year, so he clearly wasn’t trying to hide his identity or anything, the writers decided to keep him in the script as William Grey. There really was no reason to do that. They could have just made him John Grey from the start. But they didn’t. For reasons I will never understand. So no, the name John Grey means nothing to me. Good day, sir. I said good day.”

Gah like Jamie is so sad that I really want to shoot him and put him out of his misery but I also want ep. 306 so thanks for being noble af, Hal.

I am def going to start using “This is a deuce of a situation.” in my everyday life.

Oh hey, Jenny and Ian. See you next week!

Boston

Ok but that first shot of Claire. Like that resigned look that this is her life now and she’s trying to convince herself that she’s ok with it. And the little sigh like “ok I can do this” but like more that she thinks she *needs* to do this. Break my heart a little right there, Claire. Also, please leave Frank so you can take the time you need to heal and grieve and process instead of keeping it all bottled up inside to live up to some “conditions” because that’s really not healthy.

“Are you sure we can afford all this?” “Oh totally, you see we need to have enough room to like fit the camera operators in and the sound guys and the rest of the crew and some lighting stuff and also it looks way better on TV if we have space to move around so we can definitely afford this wicked spacious house. Gotta save the cramped conditions for prisons and ships and stuff. Don’t worry about the rent, dear.”

No shade at all meant on the set. I’m just silly.

“You’ve always said you wanted a real home.” “It certainly is real.” BUT IT'S NOT HOME BECAUSE JAMIE IS HER HOME AND JAMIE ISN'T HERE. *has feelings*

“The study can be wherever the lady of the house desires.” … “The kitchen, where presumably, the lady of the house will be rustling up various appetizing dishes.” Yes, Claire, you’re the lady of the house! You can totally decide where my study is going to be! But lol your place is in the kitchen because you’re a woman and that’s what women do! Fuck you, Frank.

I almost like the handful of scenes where Claire and Frank are getting along on the surface because it’s almost like a window into what their life was like pre-War. And in each instance, I cannot see Claire being happy in that sort of relationship long term even if she hadn’t gone through the stones. Like your cowboy impression is cute, Frank, but your tendency to treat your wife like an accessory instead of a person is not.

That said, WHO THE FUCK CARES BECAUSE IT’S NOT FRANK’S STORY AND WE DON’T NEED TO SEE WHO THEY WERE BEFORE BECAUSE IT’S NOT A STORY ABOUT FRANK AND CLAIRE.

Ok so seeing Claire struggling to light the stove gave me the same feelings the gif did. But seeing her sit on the couch and then see the fireplace I was just like OMG DO IT! DO IT DO IT DO IT! AND SHE FUCKING DID IT! @abreathofsnowandashes’ POST IS BASICALLY CANON AND I LITERALOL’ED WAY TOO HARD.

Claire waxing poetic about food cooked over an open fire is making me feel more feelings than it should.

But seriously her face in reaction to Betty Draper over here is awesome. I need Claire to start a neighborhood group where she turns all the women into massive feminists please and thank you.

“He likes surprises, does he?” “Oh yeah, totally. Last time I surprised him, he almost punched me and then destroyed a shed. So yeah, I’d say he loves them."

Please don’t give Jerry a heart attack, Millie. Claire already had one husband-murdering friend and I think that’s quite enough for one person. Thanks. You’re a peach.

Oh Claire. Oh honey. “Frank is very progressive. Very open-minded.” The look on her face when she says that like she’s trying to convince herself it’s true. Like yes, if you follow all of his conditions, you can stay together and raise the baby. But is it really being open-minded if literally all of his conditions are about you keeping everything locked away so he can go on pretending like everything is back to normal? Or is that just selfish. I’m voting selfish on that one.

“Just cook, clean, raise the kids, look pretty when they meet the boss.” Millie you are literally describing Frank’s ideal wife right now. And I think Claire on some level knows that. RUN AWAY CLAIRE, RUN AWAY! IT’S NOT TOO LATE! THESE ARE ALL THINGS THAT ARE NOT TIME-TRAVEL RELATED! PLEASE WAKE UP AND REALIZE THAT NOT ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS ARE BECAUSE YOU WENT BACK IN TIME!

Oh her face when Millie says she won’t find another man like Frank. SHE FOUND ONE SO MUCH BETTER AND HE’S NOT DEAD AND SHE’LL GET HIM BACK AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OK AGAIN!

Seriously though. The shots of Claire’s face when they switch back to the Boston side of things. Punch me right in the face with feels why don’t you, show. Like when she’s getting ready to go to Frank’s work thing. That cut from Jamie’s face that’s all full of pain to her face that’s also all full of pain. *sobs quietly* Like this woman is hurting! FFS! Look at everything she went through! Look at everything she lost! And she has no outlet for any of those emotions! And that look of just pain and loneliness and then resignation when Frank calls up to her and quoting Millie… I want to give her a hug and a therapist.

Ok so the scene at Harvard. Thank fuck Frank manages to not be a piece of shit in this scene because I need all my rage for the fucking Dean. I still hate you Frank, but you get a momentary reprieve here. Because this fucking dude needs to be punched in his smug-ass face. Like you’re seriously going to shit on a woman for reading the fucking newspaper?! First of all, don’t fucking ever shit on a woman for reading any-fucking-thing and second of all, your patriarchal bullshit runs so deep you can’t stand a woman reading the most popular newspaper in Boston?! It’s not like she rolled in and was like well I was reading the Atlantic (founded in Boston, what whatttt!) or the Economist or something that your fucking misogynist brain wouldn’t be able to handle. She was literally talking about reading a fucking #HotTake in the fucking local paper.

THAT’S RIGHT CLAIRE, YOU CAN GO TO MED SCHOOL! YOU SHOULD GO TO MED SCHOOL! DO THAT THING AND THEN SURGICALLY DISASSEMBLE THE PATRIARCHY!

Good boy, Frank. Way to stand up for your wife and not suck for once. But remember that little fun fact you just spouted about your wife because that’ll come up again later when I need to yell at you for being a piece of shit.

Omg though. Claire’s face when she says “yes, I’m very happy” is the best “you can go fuck yourself straight to hell” face I’ve ever seen. And grabbing Frank’s hand when she says it is clearly part of that and not like an actual, genuine taking of his hand and he knows that. And I don’t feel bad for him at all in that moment because yeah, he fucking needs that reminder that she’s sitting through this because of him so a tangential fuck you to you, Frank, for bringing me here for this wonderful experience.

"Are you alright? You're very quiet.” “Oh yeah, peachy keen. Just got condescended to for reading a newspaper, was told women were bad at the profession I was born to do and had to pretend to be totally ok with this being my life now. Totally fine.”

For serious, Claire. Your face there. Those feelings you’re feeling. These are not time travel adventure related feelings. These are this life sucks and I hate it feelings. You don’t need to stay here. This is getting super tedious. Frank sucks. Your life with him sucks. You have all this emotional baggage that you have every right to have and no outlet for it. Jamie wouldn’t want you staying in a fucking life that is making you this miserable. The baby hasn’t been born yet, there is still time to bounce before it gets even messier. Argh. Thank fuck there are only two more episodes of this stuff because there are only so many times I can yell JUST GET A FUCKING DIVORCE at the tv.

I felt more feelings than I should have felt at Claire looking at the bird. Like omg Claire’s face as she’s looking at it. Just out there. Being a bird. Doing its bird thing. Being free. YOU COULD BE FREE TOO CLAIRE! GO! BE FREEEEE!

Ok with this tea scene I literally had to google how British people make tea. Like I know I’ve talked about it with people before, like recently, but somehow in my head it wasn’t just like loose in a tin. I can’t even do a proper snarky hashtag about preferring the American way tea is packaged because that would make it seem like I was into a weird sex thing so I guess I’ll just have to blaspheme by saying I like Lipton’s and I’m not sorry.

So Claire likes America because "It's young, it's eager, it's constantly looking toward the future." Or, you could say it's...young, scrappy and hungry! Claire would totally be Hamiltrash. Frank wouldn't be. Fuck you, Frank, it’s a great show. Loosen up, geez.

Ok Frank, why did you go to touch her belly. You clearly know that she doesn’t like that. But you saw an opening when she said it’s “our baby” and you went for it. Like I know you really, really want things to be normal, but fucking don’t proactively touch Claire like that when you know it’s not welcome.

Also, seriously Frank? Have you met Claire? Yes, she’s English. But she grew up fucking all over the world. I don’t think she’s particularly sentimentally attached to the fucking Battle of Hastings. She’s trying to have a conversation with you. She’s opening up. She’s trying to be “normal” with you and share something she’s excited about doing. And your first thing is to question her? Fuck you. You’re a shitty person.

“These are things I fought a war for.” Ok Franky boy. Remember that scene a little bit ago when I said you got a reprieve from my hatred? You know, the one where you found like the singular decent bone in your body and decided to defend Claire for a second? Remember what it was you said? Oh right. SHE WAS A FUCKING COMBAT NURSE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. SHE WAS ALSO IN THE WAR. SHE WAS ON THE FUCKING FRONT FUCKING LINES OF THE MOTHERFUCKING WAR. And then guess what?! SHE FUCKING THEN FOUGHT IN ANOTHER WAR! THIS TIME AGAINST THE ENGLISH! AND EVERYONE SHE LOVED DIED! (except not really, hang in there girl) IT’S TOTALLY NORMAL THAT SHE WOULD HAVE CONFLICTED FEELINGS ABOUT ENGLAND AND BE LIKE HEY THIS UNITED STATES PLACE SEEMS OK (*pours one out for the current state of affairs*) I WANT TO MAYBE BE A CITIZEN.

And then this fucker’s like oh it’s something you really want to do? Well you don’t have to because I’ve got it covered. THAT IS NOT THE FUCKING POINT, FRANK! STOP MAKING THIS ABOUT YOU! SHE’S LITERALLY SAYING THAT THIS IS SOMETHING *SHE* WANTS TO DO. WHY ARE YOU SUCH A TWATWAFFLE.

And then he brings in the not letting him touch her shit. Like why couldn’t you have just let this be a fucking normal conversation, Frank. But since you brought it up. Let’s talk about Claire for a minute. Claire is pregnant. Claire was pregnant before. Claire lost her first child. Claire’s current pregnancy is going to result in Jamie’s child. Her fucking last chance to have a part of him in her life. So of course that’s something that’s fucking super emotional and that she’s super protective of. Because she also knows that she can’t fucking tell this child anything about Jamie. Because of your fucking conditions. Like I don’t think you can comprehend how much of a mindfuck that must be, Frank. So maybe don’t fucking touch her stomach if she’s made it clear she doesn’t want you to.

And then! With the fucking unwanted touching. Do you fucking know how many times this woman has been assaulted, Frank?! Hell, the show is not at all explicit that she wasn’t actually raped in the glade in ep. 108. And the deal with the king. And BJR. And the dudes at Leoch. And fucking Dougal. And the gang of dudes in Paris. And ones I’m probably forgetting about. So like if there was ever going to be anyone who might be wicked sensitive about unwanted touching, it’s fucking Claire. BUT GUESS WHAT! AND THIS IS THE KICKER, FRANK! THAT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER BECAUSE IF SOMEONE SAYS THEY DON’T WANT YOU TOUCHING THEM THEN YOU DON’T FUCKING TOUCH THEM IT IS LITERALLY THAT SIMPLE.

And of course she’s retreating into her shell, you fucking asshole. The amount of trauma this woman has gone through with no fucking outlet to deal with it. Of course she’s fucking isolating herself. But instead of being concerned about her and trying to help her, you’re just like omfg but what about meeeee?! Why can’t you just be “normal” for meeee?!

“What is it that you want from me?” “I want to know when you’re going to come back from the fucking past.” Fuuuuuck you, Frank. Because you’re asking when she’s going to go back to being how she was before. Well newsflash, Frank. She’s not. You’re never going to get your pre-War relationship back where Claire was 19 and thought you were the swellest guy. Because that’s what you want here. Stop fucking deluding yourself Frank, there aren’t enough conditions in the world to bring that girl back. So now you have this woman. Who is tearing herself apart from the inside trying to fucking live up to her side of your bullshit bargain. And at every turn you’re like nope, not good enough.

FUCKING PREACH IT. CLAIRE. PREACH.

I fucking love that she throws the ashtray at him because he again reduces what she had with Jamie to fucking. He’s been doing it since last season. He just can’t get his shitty-ass head around the fact that Claire loves Jamie with everything she has. It’s a great parallel to when Claire loses it at Bree in ep. 213 when Bree also says that Claire was just fucking another guy because she was a bored housewife. I fucking love how protective she is of what she has with Jamie.

Seriously though, fuck you Frank. You’re asking her to be something she's not and then blaming her for not doing it well enough. Yes, she should have left you, but you’re also an asshole.

And yeah, Frank didn’t like hogtie her and force her to come to Boston. But Jamie sent her to Frank so she went, all shattered and hollow, to Frank. And Frank was like oh cool, I can get my wife back like nothing ever happened and so yeah, clearly staying together is a great idea. You know, on my terms. Which you’ll agree to because you’re all like shattered and hollow. But Claire, you’re now far enough removed that you SHOULD JUST FUCKING LEAVE BECAUSE THIS IS CLEARLY NOT WORKING AND JAMIE WOULDN’T WANT YOU TO BE THIS FUCKING UNHAPPY. AND GUESS WHAT HE IS ALSO NOT HERE ANYMORE SO YOU TRIED BUT IT’S NOT WORKING AND UGH JUST GET A FUCKING DIVORCE ALREADY.

Gah, we have two more episodes before my best friend in the world, Ms. Ice E. Road, shows up and rids me of my Frank-rage once and for all.

Please for the love of fuck make it once and for all because omfg it’s not Frank’s story and it’s never been Frank’s story so can Frank please just die and stay dead. KThxBai.

*sacrifices a goat that Tobias gets a kickass leading role in something that keeps him unavailable for the foreseeable future*

Why is Frank’s face just giant on the screen. Like why is it still there. It’s still there guys. I’m not even typing that fast and it’s still there. Make it go away.

Ok I’m calling bullshit here. There is no way in fuck that house doesn’t have a second bedroom. Like if you aren’t sleeping in Claire’s bed, go to the fucking guest room. You get no pity from me for all the noise that comes with sleeping on the couch.

Ok like we knew they were keeping in Frank’s request to the reverend to research Jamie because Roger and Bree find it in ep. 213 and that’s how they know he’s alive. But in all my feelings about ep. 213, I forgot that it meant that I still get to hate Frank for doing it. But luckily there’s a scene in this episode where he starts writing the original letter! So fuck you, Frank, for being so shitty to Claire about not talking about her time in the past, but you’ll write to your buddy to research it!

Although I definitely don’t like that it’s the reverend’s research that let’s them know Jamie survived. Because that means Frank is kind of responsible for it. But at least they nixed the stupid placing a fake headstone bullshit. Still no brownie points for you, Frank.

I’m glad that Frank finds out about the miscarriage but doesn’t get details about Faith. Like oh hey, here’s another detail about how my life with Jamie was real and loving and yeah, we lost a child together and it was traumatic af so just get that through your head. But also it’s such a personal thing between her and Jamie that I really don’t want Frank to get all the details.

“I’m sorry I didn't tell you about the miscarriage.” “None of that matters now.” Frank you could have picked literally any other set of words. Any other words to get your point across besides “it doesn't matter.” Because I know you're talking about Claire not telling you and not the miscarriage itself, but she's talking about her first daughter. Who matters a great deal.

I HATE THIS DOCTOR WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE THEY ALLOWED TO DO THAT IS THAT EVEN LEGAL DO I NEED TO GO DOWN A RABBITHOLE AND FIND THIS OUT WHERE IS THE CALL THE MIDWIFE CREW WHEN YOU NEED THEM SORRY FOR JOKING WHEN WHAT THE DOCTOR DID TO CLAIRE IS 1000% UNACCEPTABLE.

Omfg I cannot even imagine waking up and not knowing where your baby is or if they’re alive or dead. I definitely can’t imagine going through that twice. Like omfg when you put it next to Faith, it’s just like *ugly cries*.

“I’ve been so horrible to you.” But have you, Claire? Because I’m pretty sure you’ve been doing the best you can. And Frank’s been making you feel like you’ve been horrible. Because he’s a shitty, shitty person. But seriously. You should have left him. But it’s kind of too late now because apparently you both seem to think Bree will somehow make everything better. Right. Definitely. That’s totally going to be what happens.

*only two more episodes of this, only two more episodes of this*

“Where’d she get the red hair?” Bless you, rando nurse. Blesss.