#(also lilith for sure has the neurodivergence going on)

[daisychainsandbowties]

your nonbinary beatrice post, i’m mentally jumping up and down on a bed ala s1 ava

nonbinary avatrice is so damn underrated imo, especially since they both read very trans and/or nd, (beatrice especially ((unrelated but lilith also has autistic vibes for similar reasons to beatrice)

ava is a bit complicated because on one hand it’s very likely she doesn’t care much or at all, and you have that whole queer af conversation between her and chanel about not knowing who you are because you never got a chance to explore or something that’s even queerer knowing that chanel’s actor is trans, and how often being queer and disabled goes hand in hand because of how man & woman is usually defined so much as a cishet white, thin, well off, pro status quo abled man/woman, but also on the other hand, that could also be the very same reason why a disabled person might firmly id as cis and/or with their agab, because of how they’re systematically denied manhood/womanhood because of their disability

and then with beatrice, like aside from the way she dresses, and i refuse to believe the combat habits didn’t make a few nuns realize that they aren’t so cis after all, you have the “people have tried to make me something i’m not. to make me normal. or at least, acceptable*.” and many people will “accept” gay people but only as long as they’re don’t display any gender queerness/gncness and/or transness

(*and obv that line is very easily also or as well interpretable as autistic beatrice, esp w how she displays a few behaviors that could be read as her being autistic, but that’s off topic)

<- first of all i am just yes yes yes about the intersectionality of disability/queerness & how it adds huge good layers to any conversation about nb avatrice. i rlly like the idea of Ava claiming her gender, b/c so often the systems and the institutions and ablism try to infantilise disabled ppl, & that extends to participating in gender, linking right to dehumanising tactics.

& i fucking LOVE Ava really doing gender and doing it her own way and grabbing it and running with it. Ava coming from a place where the ppl who 'cared' for her didn't give a damn about her girlhood. she's been confronted with her girlhood only in terms of pejoratives - 'you're a very x girl'

i am Thinking about the s1 line where we see sister fuck looming over Ava after she gets her period & saying to her 'you're a woman now' & how that is framed for us. just specifically what the entire event of menstruation feels when you are not cis.

ppl telling you that you're a woman (now, suddenly. like, fuck, when did i agree to this. who asked my permission?) and how you can feel your body being reframed and relegated in a certain way by the world and the anguish of that, often the blunt and speechless agony of it because the language that could latch onto what is wrong about the way that woman sits on your skin is unavailable to you

nonbinary avatrice is very mood to me because i think they in general have an extremely gnc thing going on. look no further than the outfits in s2. it is BOTH of them, also. Ava reads very boyish to me (hilariously in a very 'that kid with the band-aid on his nose & the blue shorts from pokemon who runs around on the beach going '!!! my footsteps keep disappearing'. ava silva-core).

there really is something in Ava that resists conventional femininity & i think it is very AVA the way she does it. she's giving the middle finger to it, she's shrugging at it. she's kissing gender on the mouth & girlbossing & also just being a little guy with her baseball cap turned around like ash ketchum. Ava silva 'gotta catch em' all' Silva but with the genders.

& yeah the fact that when beatrice is not in her habit she is wearing very masc clothing, putting her hands deep in her pockets, shirt collar sticking up out of her sweater. the outfit she wears to kick crimson in the face. the outfit from guttural scream fight night. her armour with its bandoleer of knives & her cute little throwing stars you use to hit soft tissues with pinpoint accuracy. the softness and the violence of her.

& you are so right. 'ppl tried to make me something i'm not' - you can imagine beatrice in the catholic school uniform with the pleated skirts and the soft v-neck jumper & the blazer & every teacher saying 'now girls' and 'please, girls' all the damn time. how electric it must feel to her to hear the word boy on her skin.

(& yeah. my first fic which is s1 beatrice POV i literally have a tag that's like beatrice is autistic & that's how i write her in everything. ligaments, star wars au bea they r all autistic. a part of it is... i am autistic so it ends up maybe being a situation where especially in second person it's hard not to write autistically but shrug emoji, i also just think bea reads very autistic to me. i have a whole bunch of my own feelings & opinions on what autism looks like w/ beatrice specifically but that's not for this post)

tldr: yes you are very smart and very right

[let-us-cultivate-our-garden]

How do you feel about the representation ( or lack thereof) in TOH?

I'm not sure to which representation you're referring to but I will try to be comprehensive. Just a note: representation in media is highly subjective; one person may feel seen by a show's representation, another may not. For example, as an ace person, I don't feel like Lilith is good ace rep because it is never even mentioned in the show. It's only in supplemental materials. If your show is going to tout itself as being diverse then the bare minimum you should do is put that diversity front and center so that even the most casual fan can see it.

If you like Lilith's representation or any other character from the show, then I will not take that from you.

The rest will be under the cut.

The biggest draw the show has is its queer representation; we've come a long way from Korrasami, now we have our main character in a sapphic romance that forms a key part of both characters. We have pride flags as a casual part of the background, non-binary characters, and no one angsts over being queer, it's just a normal state of being. I feel like this is the strongest aspect of the show in terms of representation and I'm glad people are feeling seen as a result of it.

Where I feel the show needed more work on was racial/ethnic diversity. TOH is a rather white show; despite Luz being biracial and having poc friends, most other significant characters are white-coded. Eda, Lilith, Amity, Belos, and Hunter are all white or white-coded characters and they take up significant portions of the overall story while Gus, Willow, Raine, and Darius are in supporting roles. This is especially egregious with Gus and Willow since they're the first witches that Luz befriends but they don't have as much focus in the later seasons, especially once Hunter is introduced. It's also worth noting that any kind of character development the non-white characters have is nearly always in relation to white characters: Willow and Amity, Gus and Hunter, Raine and Eda, and Darius and Hunter/the previous Golden Guard.

Another thing that others have pointed out is that despite the number of poc in key roles, the overall aesthetic of the Boiling Isles is very Euro-centric, even in the Deadwardian Era (its name a pun on an English monarch). It's such a missed opportunity to not play around with the overall aesthetic of your show and have it be more unique looking, maybe take influence from real world cultures and apply that to how magic is used based on a character's background.

The show is also touted for its disability representation and neurodivergent characters; however the former is more of a metaphor and the latter wasn't intentional. Fans noticed that Luz displays signs of ADHD and Dana admitted that she wasn't written that way but approves of the interpretation. It's great that fans can project their own head canons and for the creator to be fine with it, but it would have been even better if she was written that way from the start; really show how people perceive her as different because of how she is. We got some of this with how she struggled in school and how she loves learning but not about what the boring topics in school but by then, it's rather late. I feel like the show had a missed opportunity showing how isolated Luz was in the human realm; we got her high jinks and school pranks but nothing really that would make her an outcast and thus want to leave Earth.

Eda's curse as a metaphor for disability has been well-received but it makes me wonder what a disabled witch would look like in the show? Someone who was born with weak magic (Willow doesn't count she was in the wrong track). How would they navigate the track system? What aid would they need to perform basic magic? What prejudice would they face?

We get that in the form of Hunter, who while technically not a witch, functions as a disabled witch. And we get how he had to work twice as hard to earn any decent respect but it's not really because he lacks magic, it's more due to the fact that the coven heads perceive favoritism as the emperor's nephew.

We get some more challenges a disabled witch would face when Eda loses her magic but it doesn't really go anywhere and she utilizes her harpy form and seems to get along fine.

When I think about how disabilities are usually represented as just metaphors in popular media, I think of Toph. In Avatar, Toph is literally blind, there's no metaphor here. But the show is extremely clever depicting how she navigates the world using earth bending and justifies why she is the master of her craft because she was taught by the original earth benders and uses it ALL the time.

TOH could have done something similar by having a character with a real world disability and think of a creative way to show how they utilize the magic in their universe.

Basically, the show is very good at depicting queerness, but could have been better in its disability representation, and definitely dropped the ball on its poc characters.

[cloudburstcollection]

I’m in the ranting mood, these are the owl house characters I feel like are neurodivergent 🤭 also I’m not reading over this so if nothing makes sense, oh well

Luz (autism/adhd) - She’s obviously heavily nd coded, I’m pretty sure Dana even confirmed it. There have been multiple instances where she has stimmed. To the neurotypical eye, they would probably go unnoticed or they would just think she’s being a childish/energetic teenager. For example:

That is very clearly her stimming. It’s not the first time she has done that either. Luz has stimmed many times throughout the show. Another thing that shows that she is nd is her interest for “the good witch azura” (same for amity but I’ll talk about that later). In the newest episode, “thanks to them”, you can see Luz’s interest grow over at least a few years. Most people don’t have an interest that lasts them years.. she decorated her whole room with things from her interest and she mentioned how she can read and write witchtongue in five different dialects. If that doesn’t scream ‘special interest’ to you, I don’t know what will. Luz is the character almost everyone knows about her neurodivergency so I’ll move onto the rest..

Amity (autism) - Surprisingly I haven’t seen that many people agree with this?? To me, amity is very clearly autistic. She stims as well but it’s not as noticeable as it is with luz. She fidgets with my clothes or her hands a lot and that’s an example of tactile stimming. For exampleeee:

You can see her rubbing her hands in this, it’s possibly a way she’s self regulating because of the situation she’s in. Moving on, just like luz, “the good witch azura” is most likely her special interest. Neurodivergent people are known to attract people and the fact that they have the same interests is just a huge give away. And the way that they dressed up as azura and Hecate for Halloween just shows how they try bring their interests into everything. Amity also doesn’t understand social cues or jokes! When luz told her “I’m picking up what you’re putting down”, amity responded with “I’m not putting anything down”. She didn’t understand the figure of speech and took it literally, that’s a big thing that autistic people do.

Hunter (autism/adhd) - I’m gonna start with things from the newest episode. Everyone knows that wolves have got to be his special interest. It’s incredibly obvious. The way his eyes lit up when he spoke about them just shows how passionate he is about that topic. This part is more of a headcanon but I like to think that the shirt he made brings comfort to him and that’s why he continued to wear it. Anyway, just like amity, Hunter both fidgets with his hands. For example:

It’s not that obvious but once again, this is considered tactile stimming. He also doesn’t understand social cues. Like when willow spoke about his “sick sky skills” then he proceeded to touch his forehead and say he didn’t feel sick. I’ve seen people say that it’s probably because he was sheltered in the emperors coven but I disagree, he just took it literally because of his autism :/ I also think that wild magic is a special interest for him.

I’m losing motivation so I’m just going to list the other characters I see as neurodivergent:

Eda - adhd Lilith - autism Edric - autism/adhd Alador - autism King - autism Collector - autism Gus - autism/adhd Willow - autism Raine - autism Camilla - autism Wittebane brothers - autism

[homunculusalphonse]

// toh spoilers (another rant)

i'm not sure if this will make sense, but i kinda hated the fact that hunter is finally "a real witch" now that he's inherited flapjack's magic.

mostly bc it rlly seems to contradict the protagonist's story. luz is a human, powerless just like hunter, but she never needed to change her body or herself to learn magic. she knows how to fight, for the longest time without a palisman. in other words, luz doesn't need to be "cured" to be a witch.

so i really don't get why the same isn't applied to hunter. yes, his backstory is tragic, he's a copy out of millions of the same dead guy, but hunter is able to slowly carve his own identity, away from belos, away from the emperor's coven. hunter could've relied on the glyphs like luz. heck, even their friends, like gus, use glyphs when they're unable to attack for any reason. eda and lilith also depend on luz's teachings since they don't have the same amount of magic they had in s1.

it upsets me bc toh really embraces the "weirdos". yes, in terms of neurodivergence and disability. again, luz and hunter are powerless, and the former (likely) has adhd. eda has a curse that will never leave her, but she learns how to manage it - and now she doesn't have her right arm. lilith also shares the curse, even if she hasn't been with it for very long. gus is the smart kid that skipped two grades, so when he's tricked, he verbally chastises himself, putting the blame on him instead of the person who hurt him. and gus' mind traps him and everyone else in a giant illusion, but what he needs is someone to listen to him, not "heal" him. i could go on and on here, but toh is notable for accepting disabled ppl, and it's a great message for kids and teens who might deal with similar conditions.

so hunter being "cured" to finally become a "real witch", imo, goes against the core value of the show, and it's very disappointing.

hate will be blocked.

[takerfoxx]

The Owl House, Season 3, Episode 2, "For the Future," First Impressions!

I knew this was gonna be big.

I knew this was gonna be emotional.

I did not know it was going to hit me like it did, or for the reason that it did.

I wasn't expecting this episode to speak to me personally the way it did, I really wasn't. I was gearing up to see what the Collector had done to the Boiling Isles; to be reunited with Eda, King, Lilith, Hooty, and the rest; to finally see Luz's palisman, to see what Belos was going to do, and all that other stuff that we've been speculating for months about.

Instead, this episode hit me in a way that I haven't experienced very often. It spoke to my own experiences.

I'll cover the lesser (but still very important) moment first, and surprisingly it came from Willow.

Now, I haven't talked much about Willow. She's fine! She's an important part of the cast! But let's face it: for character discussion, she just kept getting overshadowed by the absolute angst factories that are literally every single other main character. Even Gus had more going on in that department!

But like everyone else, it seems that I've been taking her for granted. It really does suck to be the reliable one, to be the one expected to carry the team, to be the one to set your own problems aside for the sake of other people. I've been there, many times. And honestly, like Willow, I'm kind of nearing a break down of my own. You really do start to feel like you don't matter, that your own hurt is unimportant, but if you don't take it on the chin and keep truckin', everything will fall apart and it'll be all your fault.

So yeah, I'm glad that they gave her that moment. Maybe it got tied up a little too neatly and could have stood to have been foreshadowed a little more in previous episodes, but then again, maybe that was the point.

The other moment should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me and has read my other comments on this show, and it serves as a MASSIVE emotional payoff to my one big gripe about The Owl House, one that I've had since the very first episode.

So, we all remember that camp Luz was being sent to, right? Remember all the fuss people kicked up over it, saying that it was basically conversion therapy and that Camilla was abusive for sending her there. It was a real point of contention for a while.

And I'll admit, I was one of those people. I'm neurodivergent myself. I'm autistic and have ADHD, and my parents tried a number of bullshit methods to make me "normal." It was all with the best of intentions, and none of them were as bad as sending me to conversion therapy, but it does mean it is something I'm pretty sensitive about. So when I saw that flyer, I just got the most uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like, how could you do that to your child? And since that was literally the last thing we saw Camilla doing until Yesterday's Lie (aside from a couple quick Vee segments), that feeling stayed for a long time.

Obviously everything we learned changed my perception. Like I've said before, I think the writers realized their whoopsie and made sure to address that, and they did so in the best way possible: weave it into the storyline and use it for character development. Vee's friends showed that maybe the camp wasn't as bad as we feared, Luz really did have behavioral problems that needed addressing, and Camilla was a harried single mother still grieving her husband just trying to do what was best.

But we also learned more about Luz. She wasn't acting out just because she's a wacky kid with ADHD. Maybe that contributed, but she was acting out because she was also grieving. Her father was her bedrock, the guy that truly understood her and kept her grounded, and with him gone, she was desperate for some kind of validation. Her antics were a cry for help, which is why the Boiling Isles was so good for her.

Seeing those two finally sit down and talk about what happened really hit me where I live. They're both neurodivergent weirdoes that have tried to hide what they are to fit in and were deeply hurt by losing the one person that understood them, and in the process unintentionally hurt each other. I loved this. It reminded me of Entrapta's "Imperfections can be Beautiful" speech from She-Ra.

And as it so happens, that bit of honesty is what was needed to finally awaken Luz's palisman. Everyone? Meet Stringbean!

I love the cheeky little references to everyone's speculations of what Luz's palisman might be. And as it turns out, everyone was kind of right! In keeping with the theme of Luz's palisman choosing what it wants to be, it's a snakeshifter! Oh, that is clever.

But also, snake people were also right. Personally I was thinking spider, but even so. We have our new baby!

Oh God, Luz has a staff. Everyone, fear her.

Speaking of palismans, Hunter is still grieving the loss of Flapjack and NOT doing okay, but I'm glad he got that catharsis of realizing that Flapjack is still literally a part of him. It's small solace, but it is something. And as a lot of people predicted, he now has the magic that he formerly could only use through technology. The poor boy, though. I'm glad he and Willow are starting to inch toward one another. They do seem right for each other.

Okay, time to talk about plot stuff!

The Hexside stuff was a ball. I did sort of call Boscha's minions being Kikimora, though it didn't click that her big robot was involved until a few moments before the reveal. And give it up for the best tribute to the best principal!

I miss you, Principal Bump.

Also, credit for Mattholomule for stepping up! Gotta say, he's looking a lot like his big brother now, so much so that for a second I really thought that he was Steve!

I do hope Boscha gets some comeuppance. Not a whole lot, just some humble pie. Willow really owes her a smack. Still, I did crack a smile when Boscha desperately begged for Amity back. Amity was Queen Bee, and Boscha was her sycophantic minion, and can't do it without her, lol!

Now, the Collector!

I do feel sorry for this kid, despite the damage he's doing. I mean, the Collector is just a kid, one that was alone for a really, really long time, was betrayed several times, and doesn't fully understand what he's were doing. Doesn't excuse the pain he's caused (okay, the Terra thing was pretty funny, and we all love to see Odalia get humilated), but it is understandable, at least.

We also get some lore! Collectors literally collect living beings, which explains what that long one was doing to the owl beast, and why the Titan Trappers called our Collector the Great Hunter. But they are also predisposed to wipe out mortals that interfere with their affairs, which our Collector doesn't care for.

Huh, I wonder who sealed the Collector. Was it their natural enemies the Titans, or his own kind for not going along with their genocidal tendencies?

Speaking of villains, damn it Belos, why you gotta be so creepy? Does that mean all of his bodies are former Golden Guards and he possesses each one once they've been used up? No, wait, he still has the broken nose Lilith gave him. Regardless, possessing Raine will not end well for him. But you can't say he doesn't know how to manipulate the Collector, the poor kid.

Man, I know he was probably hallucinating those ghosts, but it would be really cool if they were real and drag him down to Hell or whatever.

Glad Eda and Lilith are doing okay, and that Hooty managed to at least regain some sanity. Seriously, the hell is he even? Also, I actually like that Lilith is going back to her old hair color.

What else, what else, what else?

Okay, where is Steve and the rest of the CATTs? I want my boy! And Katya! I will continue to uphold my fanfiction queen until the day I die!

Also, damn it, Edric! Stop hurting yourself!

[watery-melon-baller]

:3

Hunter?

ive gotten TWO (and a half) asks can you tell. i have a favorite

What I like about them

hes such a bitch (affectionate) and also a NERD hes sweet and likes to learn and is just a little awkward hes trying his best.

What I dislike about them

he needs to stop running off into the wood whenever he is having a panick attack and start relying on others. get better coping machinaisms

Favourite moment

oughh hm. love like every flapjack and hunter moment (rip)

Least favourite moment

any sport in a storm had a few minutes where the second hand embarassment was so bad i could not handle it. im like stupid sensitive to that kind of stuff and sometimes i have to leave a room when its TOO much. my guy please. i do like the episode i dont hate it at all i just was like. incapable of watching it lmao

A situation with this character that I want to see explored more

augh like. everyday coven life stuff (this also goes for lilith too). id love to see like a day in the life kind of thing espeically like before lilith left the coven. what chaos goes on in the castle,,,

An interesting AU for this character

I HAVE LIKE A BILLION AUS FOR HUNTER. uh. i have my reverse au. i have the 55k fic i wrote where he accidentally kills belos and has to secretly run the goverbment (go read weekend at belos's its funny i promise). i hae an antimatic im working about him. i also had one for a while where pre-canon he ran away from belos and fled to the human realm and just. worked at the 7/11 down the street while living in the portal shack and luz befriended him. i wrote a few ficlets for it but never posted anything but its a fun au i had. it was Luz getting her first friend + hunter realizing that belos kind of sucked actually and camila trying to adopt this rabdom teenager her daughter found (she genuinly thinks luz is lying about him or is talking about one of her book characters and then after she meets hunter shes like oh ok. adoption) its fun

A crossover

i dont really have any crossovers hmmm,,,

OTP (or OT3+ etc…. just… favourite ship)

augh im like. all my favs i hit with an aroace beam so. not really lol

Other ships?

i kind of bounce bwteen bi hunter and aroace hunter but like. he should go through the struggle of "damn they're pretty" and also appprecuating your frieends beauty.

BROTP

him and luz!! again. worte an entire fic of their shenaningans. they are obnoxious and love each other. i also think something with hunter and the collector would be interesting but i dont know if they would like. get along and be best buds or anything. also him and gus!! adultified buddies but like. they're adultified in oppostite ways so they can combine to be One Whole Guy. thats how hunter and luz work btw but with being neurodivergent

NOTP

againt jusy like. no weird age gaps and incest yada yada.

An assortment of headcanons! 

OKAY

have the headcanon that belos like. shoved him into a caretaker role (which we see a Bit of in canon but i take it to an extreme). loves to play it up as "sick weak frail old man who needs his nephews help" so parentification yay. hes good at like cooking and cleaning and knows how to make a bunch of BI ersion of 16th century dishes. if something happens thenhunter feels guilty because its His respoinisbibly to take care of belos beacuse belos doesnt have anyone else!!! (false belos is juts a needuy bastard who wants to be taken sre of by his older brother and likes to play house wiht his grimwalkers. i have so many feelings about that btw)

he is just. such an isolated kid. no one noticed/cared what was going on and i get a little infuriated every time i think about it. i have so many emotions about his little sprig plushie and whenever he has to leave it behind in a fic i get emotional. he goes back to the wreckage of the castle post canon and finds his room in the rubble and sure some things are destrpyed but a few books and knickkacks are salvegable. he finds sprig a little torn up but sews him up and its ok.

he likes learning about Everything. like theres so many intersting things all the time he wants to read!! in the human realm he just devours books about everything. wikipedia rabbit hole. kinda guy who knows a random fact for almost any occasion. multitracker hunter but tbh he wouldnt really do much at hexside besides like. hes doing it for his friends. i think he would help dell out with the palistrom trees and also specialize in potions (since you dont need magic for that). he has private tutors in the coven im sure so hes probably educated very well.

hes got all kinds of fun grimwalker traits. hes mostly immune to boiling water. his eyes glow in the dark. sometimes when willow is using plant magic he can feel it under his fingnails and his hair. his hands have weird scarring and peeling and listen. listen. evryone was so dissapoited that hunter didnt have scars under his gloves but i was on the hype train for day One since HUnting Palismen bitch. i give him gloves all the time bc sensory issues + hide fucked up hands + mepahor for hiding yourself.

also is neurodivergent and trans. personanly perfer ftm but every variation is good. mtf hunter would be named bailey. his medications are like. wird mix of plant and witch medicine because grimwalker. has a terrible time in the human realm bc hes super unmedicated for a while but they find a human equivalent and hes fine now. kind of.

ok thats enough of that

[jasper-pagan-witch]

Unpopular Opinion: Half, if not more, of pagans are just as toxic as Catholics/Christians.

Many pagans claim to be so severely oppressed and use that to rewrite history, or create "history" with no historical evidence to back them up.

They also use their identity as a pagan to hate on organized religion without realizing that organized religion isn't reserved to the big three (Christianity, Judaism, Islam).

Going further, many pagans use similar tactics Christians use to manipulate, guilt trip and shame witches who identify with those big three religions.

THIS THIS THIS!

They even forget that some of the "big three" they're fighting with aren't even that big.

Judaism accounts for a little over 15 million people worldwide (2020 estimate, source: Jewish Virtual Library) which sounds like a lot until you realize that that's only about 0.19% of all people worldwide (2020 estimate at 7,795,000,000 people, source: Wikipedia).

Sure, Islam is the second-largest religion worldwide, but you know what the first one is? CHRISTIANITY, which has about a third of the world's population following some strain of it or another.

Usually, the problem pagans have with "organized religion" is just a problem they have with Christianity and they've deluded themselves into thinking that Islam and Judaism are just Christianity minus the Jesus.

Or they want to appropriate Lilith and turn her into a girlboss sexy dominatrix night goddess and are upset when Jewish people point out that 1: she's only ever found in Jewish sources, any "connection" to Sumerian or Babylonian culture is maybe a few words and things believed to be statues of her have been debunked, 2: she ain't even CANON to Judaism, she's from a later midrash which is an exploration of a canonical Jewish text, and 3: if she really was a Sumerian or Babylonian deity, surely we would have found proper record of that and they wouldn't have to keep doubling down on using the very midrash that they claimed "misconstrued" her which is still our only source for her existence. (Source: Rabbit's tired explanations on @will-o-the-witch, check out xer Lilith tag here where zhe's shouted herself hoarse about this topic. [Double side note, I hope you enjoy the pronouns here, Rabbit.])

And yes, a lot of the tactics I've seen pagans online use are the same ones I've seen Christians in my area use.

But I do have to say one little piece of disagreement, in that there are places in the world where it is legimitately dangerous to be a pagan. I speak as someone from rural Missouri, which is a terrible place to be if you're not Christian, if you're queer, if you're a person of color, if you're disabled, if you're neurodivergent or mentally ill, or even if you need an abortion. Our laws here suck and if you go even slightly against the white allocishet neurotypical able-bodied Christian man-based status quo (yes, that's a lot of keywords), then you're in danger. People will look the other way if something bad happens to you, which is why I have to hide most of what or who I am here. And I don't doubt that there are other places (even in the United States) which are similarly dangerous.

So yeah, for the most part, pagans online aren't as oppressed as they think they are, "organized religion" isn't your enemy, your real enemy is misinformation/disinformation and historical revisionist campaigns, and there are places where it's legit dangerous to go against the status quo but Tumblr is not one of those places.

~Jasper

[weedplantar]

TOH Keeping Up A-fear-ances analysis

rating: 10/10

commentary: okay so honestly that was an INCREDIBLE episode. i felt like they were leading up to an Eda and Lilith development episode again, especially with the two dealing with the new boundaries of their curse (Eda’s decreasing while Lilith’s increased). i really liked the background given when Eda got her curse. i’ve always wanted to know more about that and they’re finally giving us that content.

the introduction of Gwendolyn was a really interesting touch. i was surprised they gave us a new character, especially with everything going on in the plot right now. i was also REALLY surprised they brought up a redemption arc. i’m not sure where i stand with it. on one hand, the mom was awful. but on the other she took accountability and is trying to reconnect with her daughters. for now, i remain neutral. however i do think that they should have allowed more time for general discussion. we never got to see her reaction to finding out LILITH gave Eda the curse. and even now that she knows, why she’d be so welcoming to let her stay with her. i feel like that was a touch messy to include, but it makes sense giving THAT ending scene.

This episode also seemed important for Luz development (talking generally. the end is next). i feel like this is when we touched on how fiercely loyal Luz is and how badly she wants to fix everything. as well as how… ig gullible is the right word, she is? as amity put it perfectly, she takes way more than she can handle and inserts herself into situations. (to me, that screams neurodivergent but we’re not getting into that rn). i think it already has and will be on the future a reoccurring theme.

ANYWAY, the ENDING. honestly i was not expecting that at ALL. i really respect the writers’ abilities to make plot twists neither messy/unexpected OR predictable. it’s always so well written. just like Jonny Sims from tma said, it’s a really fine line.

the ending was set up very well and i still have a TON of questions. where did she come from? why is she there? could she have something to do with luz’s lack of info to get into the human world? we now know that it was almost certainly the Not!Luz who was writing the letters, and that camp has ended. her mom doesn’t seem suspicious, which begs the question: is it only a matter of time before she catches on or is Not!Luz just really good at faking?

overall, incredible episode with so many new developments! i cant wait to see what next week entails!

(it’s hinting towards another library episode which is awesome)

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About "Escaping Expulsion" From The Owl House

Salutations random people on the internet who most likely won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Do you wanna know what I love the most about The Owl House? The writers waste no time getting to the good stuff.

Things like Willow working things out with Amity, Lumity, Lilith's redemption, and Luz's fight with Belos are stuff that most shows would drag out and wait upon using until several seasons down the line. Most of them for the final season. And yet, it all happens in the first! The writers somehow knew what the fans exactly wanted and gave them just that before they even had to ask.

Take "Escaping Expulsion," for example, as it has some great plot points and ideas I thought would happen later in the season and maybe even near the end. But it's only episode TWO of the new season, and I'm appreciative of it for that reason alone.

But explaining the good stuff this episode delivers requires spoilers, so if you haven't watched the episode yet (even though you definitely have at this point), I recommend that you do so. Now let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

Blight Industries: Huh. I'll be the first to admit: I would have never expected that the main reason why the Blights are rich is because of their technological advancements. Large in part of how the Boiling Isles is a fantasy world, and rarely do you see technology taking place in a setting such as that. Still, points for total expectation subversion added with some pretty cool tech, I might add.

Odalia Blight: It's nice to put a face to the name I've grown to hate with a fiery passion. Now I can update my dartboard!

But to tell you the truth, it feels weird saying I like someone so vile. I mean, the woman is a manipulative, smarmy b-word who nearly killed Luz. Anybody who does that last part deserves to go on my s**t list! I despise her with the same fiery passion I've had since "Understanding Willow" premiered...and it's that reason why I like her.

Because here's the thing: Characters and people are two different things. If Odalia existed in real life, she better hope that I never meet her. But as a character whose purpose is to have the audience hate her, she succeeds with flying colors. It's the same reason why I consider it unfair to hate an episode like "Something Ventured and Someone Framed" because Mattholomule exists. I get it but understand that hating him is his purpose. It's the same with Odalia. I love her, but only because I love to hate her.

Alador Blight: Wow. I guess Alador really is the lesser of two evils.

By the way, keep in mind that I said "lesser of two evils" and not "the nice one." I don't care how adorable it is to see him get distracted by a butterfly. He's still an abusive figure who stood aside as Luz fought for her life against the Abomitron and still goes along with Odalia's plans despite how heinous they are. And whenever I remember how he treated Amity in "Understanding Willow" as well--

Also, don't make him neurodivergent so he can seem redeemable. It is painfully obvious that he is just exhausted after hours of toiling away in his lab working on his inventions to the point that his brain is beyond fried.

Now, seeing that I've dismissed the argument about how Alador is the nice one, let's actually talk about his character. Because I can see what Dana Terrace meant when she said that he's interesting. He's not explicitly as awful as Odalia, as he mostly seems to be in his own little world half the time. Despite that, Alador still shows signs of being just as dismissive of Amity in general. You see this as he focuses on how her strength shows signs of Amity being a potential coven leader instead of noticing how his daughter nearly died to his own invention. Alador doesn't manipulate, but he doesn't love his daughter in a way a father should either. I'm very intrigued by this route for his character, and I can't wait to see what is done next with him.

Amity’s Amulet: My heart sank when I realized the true purpose behind Amity's amulet. The thought that Odalia found a way to literally be in Amity's head at all times...I hate that. I mean, I love it because it's A+ storytelling and symbolism, BUT I F**KING HATE IT!

Amity in General: And seeing how we're already talking about Amity, let's dive into the fact that "Escaping Expulsion" is easily her best outing so far in the series. I say this because it really puts to the test Amity's dedication to being a part of the group. You can tell by her expressions and Mae Whitman's performance that Amity so desperately wants to help her friends, but she can't due to being afraid of her mother's wrath. Which doesn't surprise me, given what we know about Odalia so far. But what does surprise me is that Amity stands up to Odalia in this very same episode. I expected it for sure, but most likely at the end of the season, due to most shows dragging out a similar concept for drama's sake. However, as I said, the writers don't waste time giving the fans what they want. So, yeah, Amity defies her mother in the very same episode we're officially introduced to her. And it's totally believable, as Amity has been fighting her parent's control ever since Luz literally showed her the light after "Covention" (click here if you don't believe me). It's yet another impressive showcase of Amity's character development and how she's leagues ahead of other redeemable characters who would go through five more episodes like this before getting to the point.

Luz in General: But enough about Amity. For now, let's talk about the actual best character of the series!

Just like Amity, Luz is on top form in "Escaping Expulsion." She is quick to call 'applesauce' about Odalia and Alador expelling the Hex-Squad and is smart enough to figure out the deal Odalia is worming her way into making. Several people classify Luz as stupid, and while she definitely leaps before she looks at times, this episode proves that Luz isn't going to fall for the sweet talk that someone like Odalia offers. As reckless as she can be, Luz is still intelligent enough to know what someone like Odalia wants and cuts to the chase despite knowing the woman can't be trusted. Still, Luz going through with the deal anyways is fantastic character work for her as it shows her dedication to the people she cares about. It hurts my heart to see Luz get all beat up from Alador's inventions, but her willingness to put up with it for her friends is an act of service I wouldn't have expected from anyone else. "Escaping Expulsion" may be more centered around Amity, but it still proves why Luz earns her spot for one of my favorite characters.

Learning How Glyphs Work: Another solid aspect of The Owl House is that the writers find brilliant ways for world-building and explaining the rules of the Boiling Isles. Take this episode's b-plot, for instance. Eda and Lilith need to learn how to do Luz's version of magic, so having an entire section of the episode dedicated to them figuring it out is a perfect outlet to explain how glyphs work in the first place. Although, I have some tribulations with this subplot that I'll get into with the dislikes. But I still consider this a brilliant workaround to explain glyphs, even if specific executions could be handled better.

The Fairy Pie: Not only is this well-crafted dark humor, and not only is it adorable as hell, but it also shows how Amity has calmed down with her feelings toward Luz. She still blushes when handing over the fairy pie, but it is certainly more subdued in comparison to "Wing it Like Witches." I like to think the time off from her (and our) favorite weirdo helped cool down those emotions a bit, but that doesn't mean she won't get slightly flustered every now and again. Because as much as I adore seeing cool and collective, I'm still very much a fan of Disaster Amity due to how cute it is.

Principle Bump: "This character is underappreciated!"

"That character doesn't get enough love!"

YOU WANNA KNOW WHO'S UNDERAPPRECIATED AND DOESN'T GET ENOUGH LOVE?! PRINCIPAL GOSH DANG BUMP, THAT'S WHO!

So many kids' shows focus on how educators are the bad guy who treats students poorly because they love seeing children suffer. But that's not Bump! Sure, he made a misstep in "The First Day," but for the most part, he really cares for his students and hopes that they work hard to be their better selves. So when he's forced to send Luz, Gus, and Willow away, he's genuinely saddened by it to the point where he breaks down crying! On top of being wholesome, Bump missing his students is another example that a character shouldn't be written as evil just because they run a school. Sure, there are scumbag teachers and principals out there, but for others, they're a lot like Bump: People who show admiration and respect to their students rather than ridicule because a principle "just doesn't get it." And I appreciate Bump all the more for it.

Gus and Willow: It feels weird that these two basically got sidelined, especially since they have a stake in the plot as well, but it's understandable. "Escaping Expulsion" is clearly more Amity-centered, and with Luz being the main character, it would also be odd if she didn't get more of the focus than her friends. Having them do more would have been great, but what they've already accomplished is pretty decent anyway. They show how much they're on the same page as Luz when trying to figure out a way to sneak back into Hexide, Willow is still the best voice of reason when saying no one will be killed through their plans, and Gus wins the comedic highlights in the episode. While I would have loved that they did more, I'm perfectly fine with what we got. Besides, this is only episode two of Season Two. We got nineteen more episodes to go to focus on these two.

King: Ok, now, this is the version of King I like to see. A character that mocks Eda as if they're equals and acts as a reluctant voice of reason. This episode shows King more at his best and is a major step above what we've seen in "Separate Tides."

Lilith: ...Yeah, f**k it. I like Lilith.

Personally, I would have preferred seeing her dragged through the coals at least a few episodes, but that's judging the show for what I want. Not what it is. And as is...It's fine. Lilith has a great dynamic with the rest of the Owl House, it's honestly adorable seeing her refer to Luz as a teacher, and that scene where she makes presents out of ice for Hooty is all kinds of wholesome. I'd say your enjoyment of Lilith highly depends on how forgiving you are, and if you think her splitting the curse is enough of a gesture, you probably won't mind her as much. The execution of her redemption really could have used more time in the oven, but Lilith is still a decent character regardless, so what's to complain about.

Luz Making the Abomination Have a Cat Face: ...Luz...I f**king missed you.

DON'T EVER LEAVE FOR THAT LONG AGAIN!

(Also, I just love that this is all Amity needed to know Luz was in trouble)

Hop Pop Cameo: He's on the cover of one of the books Willow's dad lifts up. Which is extra cute given how Dana Terrace and Matt Braley (creator of Amphibia) are close friends in real life.

Willow’s Dad Pretending Not to See Anything: One single action defines the type of man this guy is. He's the fun and understanding dad!

Gus, Willow, and Amity Arguing How to Break In: This little quarrel just shows how much these three need Luz. Without someone to keep the peace and bring up compromises, these idiots would have just kept arguing all night.

In addition to that, this clash over ideas acts as a showcase for who these characters are. Willow is careful and smart, so she's going for the option more unlikely to get them caught. Amity is brash and to the point, so she's going for the route that gets them inside as soon as possible. And then there's Gus, who's young and naive, so his plan sounds like something out of a cartoon. The odds of any of these plans working are highly debatable, but seeing these characters with clashing personalities and ideas is a ton of fun to watch regardless.

Edric and Emira Helping: There's not much to add here. It's just another sweet scene that makes me so glad that the writers decided to make Ed and Em more like supporting characters than minor antagonists like "Lost in Language" made fans think they would be.

(Amity throwing the "Hex me" signs back at Edric is just the cherry on top).

“Stay away from my Luz!”: ...What the f**k do you want me to say that? It's f**king perfect!

Luz Catching Feelings for Amity: ...Huh. Neat.

...

...Alright, let's move on.

Luz Wanting to Take a Nap After--Yeah, I can't do it. Not even for the joke.

WAH-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! MU! TU! AL! PINING! AH-HAHAHA!

THIS! This is more of that good s**t I'm talking about! Due to being so used to other shows going for the slow burn when writing the endgame romance, I was expecting Luz to catch feelings halfway through the season, even at the end of it. But near the beginning?! That is something I am more than ok with!

And much like Amity standing up to her parents in this episode, Luz catching feelings this early on is totally believable. Many fans have already analyzed how Luz's love language is "Acts of Service," which I'm somewhat sure is romantic gestures. Meaning that I f**king challenge you to find a grander gesture than holding back a literal killing machine while swooping down like a knight in shining armor! Oh, wait, you can't. BECAUSE THERE ISN'T ANY!

But by far, the best--the BEST--thing that can come from this is the dramatic irony! We, the audience, know that Luz and Amity like each other, but they don't. So the constant failings as these two fools try to work out their romantic feelings for one another is something I cannot wait to see in all its glory.

This is one of the best things that could have come out of the episode, and while it doesn't mean Lumity is canon, it is definitely closer than ever before. And I'm excited about all of it!

Luz Wanting to Take a Nap After Getting Home: I adore this because there's no one way that this can be interpreted. Either it's because Luz is exhausted after nearly getting killed for the fifteenth time that month, or it's because Luz is overwhelmed about having a crush on Amity...or both. Most likely both.

Belos Wanting The Abomatrons: Wow, what an ominous ending to the episode! I'm sure it won't come into play at all in the future...The season finale is going to hurt, isn't it?

WHAT I DISLIKED

Gus’ Growth Spurt: I mean...that's just weird. Gus suddenly being almost as tall as the others is a change so jarring that I feel like an explanation other than "witch puberty" is required. I get that they wanted to explain away why Issac Ryan Brown's voice got deep this season, 'cause puberty's a b**ch. But sometimes I feel like it's best to just ignore it, like with how Phineas and Ferb or Steven Universe just goes along with the fact that VAs tend to grow up when the characters themselves remain ageless.

Eda is Kinda Stupid in this One: It's not just me, right? Because I feel like Eda is more careful in the past than she is in this episode. She's been as reckless as Luz is at times, sure, but carelessly screwing around with magic when she has no idea how it works? I can maybe see King doing that, but not Eda. Just seeing her act dumber than usual is something that doesn't sit right with me.

Lilith Explaining Her Glyph Magic: I don't mind this. Glyph magic is pretty confusing, so having Lilith explain how it works to Eda and the audience is something I can understand. My issue, however, lies in how they did this.

Why, in the name of all that is holy, would Lilith explain her theory after the fact. It would be much more natural if she explained while saving King, but doing it after comes across as more forced than it should. Which is a shame because this series is usually on point when explaining how things work in the Boiling Isles.

And...That's about all the complaints I have with this episode. Which are nothing but nitpicks and possibly personal preferences.

IN CONCLUSION

If I'm willing to forgive and forget, I would give "Escaping Expulsion" a well-earned A+. But I'm not, so it's going to be another solid A. And, I mean, if you complain about that...there's something wrong with you.

"Escaping Expulsion" delivers on quite a bit of what fans want to see on top of giving these great character moments that show why we love these casts of oddballs and weirdos. I wouldn't say it reached perfection, but it still carries the winning streak that this new season has so far. Meaning there's no escaping the fact that Season Two is off to a better start than the first.

(Although, the fact that we got two solid As in a row means that we're in for a stinker real soon, doesn't it?)

[sepublic]

Ok no one else is saying it so I will: the fact that Lilith in Wing it Like Witches basically had a mental breakdown over losing the grugeby match and having to go back to the Emperor empty-handed really makes me wonder what kinda fucked up stuff Belos might do to Lilith. I mean it's already implied that he's abusive to her so I wouldn't be surprised if she was getting severe undeserved punishments for not bringing Eda back.

           Honestly, I suspect Lilith is just highly sensitive to failure in general… I wouldn’t be surprised if she was harshly punished for every mistake she made as a child, given the comparisons of the Coven System to the American school system- And if Lilith is neurodivergent just as Luz, Eda, and Amity are coded to be, then it’d hit even harder for her. So even if there isn’t an actual punishment waiting for her, necessarily; Lilith still freaks out and braces for the worst and just feels utterly terrible, because she’s been conditioned to do so.

           Especially since Lilith likely has a lot of self-esteem issues about never being good as Eda, always being the lesser sister… As Lilith herself said, Eda may have been star player- But I think Lilith took a lot of solace in being team captain, and believing this role certified her as being at least on Eda’s level when it came to sports, if not above it. So having a definitive match between the two prove once and for all that, yes, Eda IS better at Lilith at Grudgby, just as she’s better at everything else… This realization could’ve really broken Lilith in a lot of ways.

           Not to mention, failing the Grudgby game also means failing to bring back Eda- And Lilith has both selfish and altruistic reasons to do so. Lilith wants Eda by her side, and she wants her sister cured; Once again, the chance for this has beaten her. Lilith also wants to protect Eda from Belos, who has begun to crack down on wild witches more as the Day of Unity approaches… So she knows that Eda’s time is running out, in addition to knowing the curse is worsening. To Lilith, she’s not just failing herself on multiple levels- She’s failing her sister once again, and she’s running out of time and chances to make up for her past sins.

           It’d also reflect badly on Lilith to the rest of the Emperor’s Coven, as well as Belos and Kikimora… Lilith clearly dislikes Kiki and wants to prove her otherwise- And Lilith still admires Belos and looks up to him a lot. I can see Lilith being grateful to Belos for giving her a chance to prove herself by letting her into his coven, for even bestowing upon her the title of Head Witch (because deep down Lilith feels like she never truly earns anything and it’s given to her only by the grace of others, she only got into the EC because Eda forfeited for her)… And Belos constantly giving Lilith these chances, and being willing to cure Eda and let her into his coven, surely it means he somewhat trusts her- And that again, Belos is doing so much for her.

           Lilith would hate to disappoint someone she looks up to, someone who’s clearly setting aside a lot of patience just to put up with her, and she wants to pay them back because she feels undeserving… She’d be failing Belos and his plans, which clearly intend the greater good for the Boiling Isles- So in a way, Lilith is failing the Isles as well… And I wouldn’t be surprised if Lilith realized at some point that her own apprentice was also disappointed in her for the Covention incident. So to Lilith, she’s been a recently increasing stream of disappointment to those who trust her, look up to her, and in some ways hurting those she cares about or feels obligated for.

          I imagine Lilith feels like she causes a lot of harm in general, so she seeks to offset this by being a helpful and productive member of society, and probably justifies her participation in Belos’ corruption by believing it’s all for the greater good, which then just contributes to Lilith justifying hurting Eda ‘for her own good’. Lilith wants to think she’s worthwhile, that her continued existence and people’s patience with her is justifiable and will pay off, because clearly she’s put a lot of stock and work into things under the hopes that it’ll all be worth it in the end. Kind of like how Lilith believes it’s okay to curse Eda, because it’ll be worth it when she gets into the Emperor’s Coven- That it’s worth buying into its ideology and being separated from Eda, because one day Eda will join her in their former dream, and be cured!

           And as she’s no doubt desperate for approval, Lilith is afraid of not only losing it, but having this replaced with scorn. Lilith doesn’t want to fail someone she admires, someone she thinks actually values her when beforehand she’s never felt approved of; And as Head of the Emperor’s Coven, she is no doubt intimately aware of a LOT of horrible things that happen to wild witches. To people who displease Belos in general… And so while she has so much reason to admire the Emperor, she’s also got plenty cause to fear him as well. Fear of having her position by his side revoked (especially since we see Owl Mask already taking up one themselves), fear of losing support of the one person who tolerated her… Fear of what he could do to Lilith, etc.

           Lilith already has every reason to be extremely sensitive of failure and rejection, in addition to her low self-esteem, and other tangible consequences… So what you suggested, about Belos actively punishing Lilith (hopefully it only began after Sense and Insensitivity, as that episode had Lilith act like it’s okay for her to take her time capturing Eda, under the excuse of her sister eventually becoming debilitated by her worsening curse), it is… Honestly pretty terrifying, and not at all out of character for Belos. Especially given how he’s the Emperor, so he’s free to do whatever he chooses to his own underlings, without repercussion- So I could see him being actively worse than Odalia and Alador are to their own kids, which would be saying something!

           Given the cult-y vibes of the Emperor’s Coven, I can see Belos further indoctrinating his minions into thinking it’s totally okay for him to harm them as punishment for failure, and even that this is a good and deserved thing- Again, tying back to those parallels of the American school system, which has echoes of the belief that ‘suffering is purifying’. It doesn’t even have to be the entire Emperor’s Coven that is convinced and wrapped up into this sort of abuse- Lilith is already of such low self-esteem that I think she’d believe she deserves it… Maybe even finds a twisted relief in her punishment as cathartic self-harm. Belos gives off ‘Christian Colonizer’ vibes as-is, and there are records of such puritans advocating for this kind of pain as being ‘good’ for a person, so to Lilith it’s her actively atoning and making up for her mistakes, in addition to actually succeeding next time.  

           And if so, then that is a horrifically abusive relationship, especially since entire generations of witches are already indoctrinated into trusting Belos for having what’s best for them in mind- I mean, the show’s ending credits have a pair of toddlers making a sand castle of Belos’ palace, that’s how deep this propaganda goes! It’d take a lot to unlearn that, especially from someone as entrenched into the Emperor’s Coven as Lilith… And if Eda and Luz were to learn about this, if what you suggested is true- Then in addition to the whole ‘threatening to execute Lilith by nightfall’ bit, and Lilith genuinely thinking she was helping Eda and curing her curse, thus saving her sister from a fate worse than death; I could see them becoming a LOT more sympathetic and forgiving to Lilith, because they just don’t have it in their hearts to be mad at someone who has clearly suffered and been traumatized and manipulated…

          I could see Luz maybe even drawing parallels to Amity and her parents, while Eda is just horrified that this is what her sister went through- And maybe she thinks that she should’ve been more there for Lilith, should’ve worked to rescue her older sister if she knew what was going on, even if that meant kidnapping Lilith. And of course, Lilith has reached that point of self-defeat where she insists to Eda that her little sister owes her nothing, and she is right in a sense… But also, Lilith thinks that while Eda owes Lilith nothing, Lilith herself is owed so much pain and punishment, when it’s clear that this sort of thing will only make things worse for someone who’s used to it- So obviously Luz and Eda aren’t going to invest in more suffering for Lilith, because obviously it didn’t teach her to be a kinder and happier person.

           So while Lilith is obviously testing their patience in a LOT of ways… Luz and Eda’s natural compassion, in addition to appreciation of Lilith doing the right thing in the end, and having the bravery to defy Belos- I think that’ll help them forgive Lilith, or at least be on better terms with her. Hopefully she can be accepted fully into their family… And that’s assuming Lilith won’t try to bail out of guilt and wanting to protect Eda, to not be a burden, and to just want the comforting isolation away from the constant reminder of her failures in life and as a sister, because at the Owl House, Lilith will constantly be reminded of how Eda was so much better off and happier than her, and that’ll just add to her insecurity at being outdone. Lilith will be reminded of the curse she cast on Eda, and also what she missed out on for so long, and it’ll tear her apart…

           And, I can see Lilith actually reveling in her half of the curse as self-punishment for what she’s done, and Eda… While Eda has cautiously accepted this because it IS Lilith making up for the damage she legitimately caused and worsened- She also doesn’t want Lilith to default to martyrdom and self-punishment because she knows that kind of mindset in reaction to failure is abusive and a product of the Coven System. Oof, I’m just suddenly imagining Lilith finding ways to punish herself while at the Owl House, maybe leaving so she can do so uninterrupted, because she’s still enacting the abuse when there’s nobody around to perform it- And the others have to really look out for Lilith and stop her… It’d be incredibly exhausting and tiresome, and just make Lilith feel like even more of a burden.

           But in the end, Lilith realized that wallowing in self-pity and punishment for years didn’t help Eda or herself, it just made things worse- It was making just that one decision to change and improve things for the better, that got Lilith the immediate results of a more-repaired relationship with her sister. Sooner or later, Lilith has to pick herself up; All this self-loathing is no doubt exhausting, and she wants something new… Lilith still wants to be with Eda and now she has the chance. If she put in the work serving the Emperor’s Coven under the hopes it’d pay off, maybe she can put in the work of self-improvement under this same principle; Or not, investing in the Emperor’s Coven clearly failed, so why bother?

          Well, I imagine Eda’s happiness, time with her, and the fact that Lilith is no longer burning with her worst secret, is a good reason to invest… Because Lilith’s seen actual results for once, so she knows it’ll pay off in the end and she wants more of that happiness and goodness in life. But Titan, it’d probably be terrifying, having to imagine Lilith caught in the attempt of self-harm because she hates herself, she’s trying to secretly get away with it, and Luz/Eda/King are so scared and shocked because of it… And Lilith just insists in a mental breakdown that this is what she deserves, and why can’t they leave her to this because don’t they secretly hate her anyway!? But the others don’t really, that’s why she’s even here- They’re here to be fully transparent with Lilith and not lie and lead her on like Belos did in his abusive, manipulative way.

           I’m just imagining the others getting Lilith into a routine of self-care, making her invest into a schedule and productive stuff that keeps her distracted, maybe a hobby or two that makes Lilith feel constructive- Getting her to wean off her self-destructive habits, while Lilith is also obligated to make a promise each day that she won’t relapse and get into some funny business… And then the others can feel safer leaving her alone for longer periods of time, while also validating and rewarding Lilith for her efforts, further incentivizing her to do well… While not punishing her for any failure, further teaching Lilith to not default to that in the first place. Of course Eda would do everything in her power to keep Luz and King free from this responsibility and concerns, but I can see Luz insisting on providing some kind of helping hand- Or at least contributing towards the happier, fluffier moments that are less messy and agonizing for everyone involved.

          And wanting to live up to this trust that a kid has in her, to see someone trust in her again after she messed up with Amity- It’ll give Lilith a lot of belief in herself that maybe she CAN do right… And she’s now even got the chance to make amends with Amity, too! Maybe things are getting better… And maybe things ARE improving, because she IS a good person, and the others were right to believe in her- Lilith wouldn’t want to prove them wrong, after all! And if it really brightens her sister’s day to see Lilith become happy again, then… That makes Lilith happy, and finally she’s doing things right, without having to worry about when she messes up.

          For once, Lilith can take genuine, true pride in confidence in who she is, and what she does- And finally she’ll invest in the dignity and self-respect to know that she deserves better. Then Lilith can not only spare herself from pain- She can protect her loved ones from it for real this time, instead of always hurting them. For so long Lilith has hurt others trying to do what’s best for them; Now she can do what’s best for them without doing so, because Lilith knows that what’s best for others isn’t pain, but happiness and healing. She can do the right thing, and make up for what may have been Lilith’s original failure that started it all; Not being the protective older sister that Eda needed her to be.

          Lilith doesn’t need to fear failure, and she can expect so much from success this time, especially now that it’s within reach; And Lilith knows that she can always change and improve herself to reach it, assuming she isn’t already capable! Eda does believe in the capacity to choose your own destiny and who you want to be, regardless of how you start out or what others dictate. Even if Lilith WAS a terrible person… She has the power to change this, and she’ll certainly make use of this opportunity. Lilith need not resign herself to what she saw as fate, as the inevitability of her decline into despair, or her place in the Emperor’s Coven as ordained by Belos’ hierarchy… Lilith can become who she always wanted to be- A wild witch and a good sister, someone who is happy, fulfilled, and free!

[animerunner]

It’s a Wonderful Life, Lilith Clawthorne

Fandom: The Owl House

Characters: Eda Clawthorne, Luz Noceda, Lilith Clawthorne

Relationships: Luz Noceda & Eda Clawthorne, Eda Clawthorne & Lilith Clawthorne, Lilith Clawthorne & Eda Clawthorne & Luz Noceda

Warnings: So to be clear there is nothing graphic. But the following is at least being categorized as ‘hinted at’ at the very least: References to Depression, Self-Worth/Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Tendency (one time and I mean this is based off of the movie Its a Wonderful Life), Heavy Angst (though there’s a happy ending), Bullying, Dehuminization, Issues related to being neurodivergent  and living in a world that doesn’t understand it (Lilith)

Like I said this thing was worth my time but exhausting to write.

Summary:  Its been months since the Conformotorium Incident.

The residents of The Owl House have mostly settled into a routine. Lilith's been trying to slowly adjusting to no longer being Coven Leader. However, it hasn't always been easy. Her and Eda argued a lot in the beginning. Luz flinched anytime she got too close.

Most of the worst of it has faded now. There's still the bad days they all have them. Luz misses home. Eda misses her magic. And Lilith well while she is glad things are finally better with her sister. Its not easy to let go of her old life.

For Lilith the bad days feel like they amount more than the others though she never says anything. Sometimes she wonders if things would have been better if she wasn't around at all. However she hasn't said anything. Her sister and Luz have enough they don't need more trouble.

A chance encounter with a demon however forces the conversation and Lilith gets a chance to reexam her own role in other's lives. AN: So this was the fic I was writing I mentioned in my other posts. Not a whole lot to say here. I already said this is my first experiment in writing something Lilith-centric. I hope you guys like it. A thanks to @f1uffy-turtle giving me this idea in the first place. And a thank you to @lilithswxfe for putting together the post with the Lilith autistic headcanons since I used kind of a mishmash of some of these ideas presented for the fic.

Like I said in the post I made last night. Any feedback is appreciated. Its my first time doing a story focusing around Lilith. So I’m a bit nervous about this one. And while I’m always looking for feedback. But especially when trying something new for me (writing around Lilith).

On a different note. There is at least two planned follow ups to the story. One centered around Luz’s issues hinted at here (which I didn’t want to get into beyond establishing because it would take away from Lilith). And the other thing being about the ‘strange child’ thing. Maybe more. Haven’t really decided. Ao3 link here if you don’t want to read it on Tumblr And if you want to read it on Tumblr. Its under the Read More here: (heads up though its a long fic)

It had been a few months since the events of the conformotorium.

Lilith had mostly settled into The Owl House. It had been difficult at first. For one there was the awkwardness that arose from everything that had happened. Between her cursing Edalyn finally being out in the air and the entire bridge duel...Well, it had taken some time.

For another Lilith was a creature of habit. She did best in a routine. For three decades that had been her part in the Emperor’s Coven. Losing all of that in the course of a day. It hadn’t been easy.

There are frequent arguments in the early days. Lilith would love to say that she realizes and understands all of the things with the Coven system that are wrong. After nearly getting her sister petrified it should have been an easy conclusion to come to. 

However, while she fully admits everything that happened with Belos is wrong. Letting go of certain things after years and years of having these mentalities drilled into her doesn’t come easy. It takes time.

Something that the others, especially Eda, don’t always understand.

She and Eda argue a lot in the beginning. Part of Lilith had wondered if they will ever stop. She knows she’s also partly at fault. Part of her wonders why it’s so hard to admit she’s been wrong for so long. Why it’s so hard still.

It’s only when one day that Luz pulls Eda aside and says something that things start to change. Lilith still doesn’t know what Luz says to her sister. Eda won’t tell her when she asks. 

However, something changes after that. Eda still isn’t entirely happy when she says things that go back to having been in the coven. However, things are far less argumentative. There’s a surprising air of patience that Lilith didn’t even know her sister had before now. 

It turns out she needed it more than she realized. Not having to constantly defend the habits takes some weight off of her she didn’t even know she was carrying around. She no longer feels like she needs to immediately change. For the sake of the others, she does try to slowly let go and slowly things do begin to change. However, even now, months later she hasn’t quite fully let go of all of it. 

The nastier mindsets thankfully have faded. It's hard to hold them now that the situation has flipped. Being around the high octane ball of energy of optimism that is Luz Noceda surprisingly goes a long way in getting her starting to fully realize just how detrimental some of the ideas the coven holds are.

The worst part she discovers quickly about this. Isn’t even the gap that forms between her and Eda in the aftermath of the conformotorium.

Lilith had mentally been preparing for that to happen for years. She knew how Eda would react. She knew how things would go. The only thing that maybe surprises her is how quickly her sister’s anger at it burns out. Most of it fades in the aftermath of the conversation with Luz.

Sometimes she wishes it hadn’t. It would give her something else to focus on at least.

Without something to focus on other things start to catch up for the first time in years. She wasn’t always proud of her actions as Coven Leader but she had honestly thought she was doing it in people’s best interests.

Now everything she understood is being called into question. It hurts.

It’s made even worse by the fact that she’s living with the two people that paid the most for her mistakes. Eda and Luz. 

Eda to her credit never purposely brings up the now-infamous duel. Lilith isn’t sure for whose sake she does this though. It’s a bad memory for all three of them. Just for different reasons.

However, Eda doesn’t need to mention it for the constant reminder to be there. Sure Eda has her glyphs. Owlbert gives her some freedom. But without a bile sac able to produce magic. The days of her being to independently cast are long over.

Something that might have happened without the duel anyway. However, it certainly wouldn’t have happened if she had just never cursed her sister.

It’s a guilt that gnaws away at her on a daily basis. Only made worse by the fact she doesn’t have anything to distract her. 

The situation with Luz only exasperates it. 

In the beginning, Luz is understandably skittish. Keeps her distance from Lilith. However, as time passes it becomes less of an issue. So there in each other’s spaces more and more.

Sometimes Lilith wishes they weren’t. 

Since it feels like the only thing worse than stranding Eda without her magic. Is stranding Luz without a way home because she couldn’t be brave enough to stand up to Belos sooner.

The guilts almost insurmountable at times. Lilith sometimes wonders if things would just be better if she didn’t exist.

She never voices it though. The others have enough to deal with, without having to deal with her own self-caused guilt.

Lilith supposes she should have seen that eventually, things would reach a boiling point. And she would have to tell Eda or someone about everything. But she keeps burying it hoping it might go away.

Looking back she should have known better. 

It’s an everyday market run of all things that brings finally to ahead. Lilith has been on edge for a reason she can’t place since they left the house.

It feels like someone or something is watching them. But whenever she looks no one is there. And the coven guard isn’t that smart when it comes to hiding. So what is she sensing but not seeing?

Its almost an hour into the trip before she suddenly sees something lunge at Luz. She doesn’t think, just reacts pushing Luz out of the way. She doesn’t have a chance to see what it is or who hit her. As the last thing she sees before blackness quickly claims her is Luz’s panicked face.

                                                 ---------------------------- 

 Luz is panicking.

She isn’t sure what exactly happened. One minute they had been browsing stalls. The next minute she’s being pushed aside by Lilith. Who when Luz looks is out cold on the ground. 

She doesn’t know what happened. Let alone how to fix this. However, she at least knows who can. Eda picks up on the second ring. “Eda, we’ve got a problem.”

Eda knows her by now to know when not to joke. And Luz’s face must have been panic-stricken enough to convey something bad happened. “What happened? Did you and Lily get hurt? Did you run into the guard?”

“I’m not hurt,” Luz said panning the camera so Eda can see her sister. “But I think something tried to attack me and it got Lilith instead.”

Eda frowned at that. “You didn’t see it?”

Luz shook her head. “No whatever it is was gone and I can’t wake Lilith up.” 

There was a pause from Eda. Luz can see her mentor mentally going through some sort of possibilities in her head. Before seeming to come to one in her head. “Shit.”

Luz’s stomach bottoms out. That’s not good.

“You know what it is?” Luz asked. “Can we fix this?”

“Not exactly but I have a good idea. The good news is I’m pretty sure I can fix this, kid but this is out of your league.” Eda said. Luz frowns at that not missing Eda’s use of the I. Wondering why she can’t help. She wants to. Eda asks something before she gets a chance to say anything else.  “You guys are still in the market?”

Luz nodded.

“Alright, I’ll be there shortly. Don’t move a muscle.”                                                  ----------------------------

“Mind demons?” Luz asks when they get back to the house. Eda is in the middle of getting ready to cast a spell. Explaining to Luz what she thinks happened. “I don’t remember hearing about those.” 

Eda shook her head at that. “You wouldn’t have there’s not a lot of them around anymore. However, I had an encounter with one in my youth. So I, unfortunately, know what to look for.”

Luz can tell Eda’s not telling her something. “Oh. So how do we get rid of them?” Luz asked.

“It’s actually pretty simple when you know what you’re doing. Usually, a good whack is all it needs.” Eda said.

“Than why were you so freaked out when you got us?” Luz asked in confusion. It had been a while since she had seen Eda panicking that much. This didn’t sound like something simple at all. “Why all of this?”

Kings the one to answer her question. “Because while it can be easy for outside help to shake it off. It’s not as easy when you’re the victim. They take all of your darkest feelings at amplifying it up to 11.”

Eda nods. “What King said. I’m worried about what this might be doing to Lily. A mind demon is easy work. Even now. But I’m not Lily.”

Eda wasn’t dense. She knew Lily sometimes had a hard time expressing her emotions. She knew she had been struggling to fully transition out of her old job. On Luz’s advice, she had been trying to give her sister space and let her process it on her own.

It obviously hadn’t worked if there had been enough for the demon to latch onto.

“Which reminds me,” Eda said turning to Luz temporarily. “If that demon was targeting you like you suggested then we need to have a talk after this is all over. They only go after those they feel they can actually get to.”

She knew the kid had been homesick. She hadn’t realized she had been struggling otherwise. Part of her felt horrible that she had managed to miss that. 

Luz’s guilt must have been apparent at the moment since Eda reached out. A hand gently under her chin. “Hey, I’m not mad at you kid. Just worried. If Lily hadn’t been with you…”

“I just didn’t want to bother you both,” Luz muttered. The grip around King tightening slightly. 

Eda and Lilith had enough things on their plate. Some of which was her fault, to begin with. She didn’t want to add to that.

Eda shook her head at that. “Telling me you're having problems isn’t being a bother kid. I’ve been there myself. Will talk about this when it's over okay? For now, I have some literal and not so literal demons to help Lily sort out.”

                                                 ----------------------------

Eda made quick work of the mind demon. Like she told Luz if your not the victim it’s not hard to take care of. 

Part of her had wondered after if she should have maybe tried to get answers out of it before destroying it. So she knew how to help better. However, by the time it occurred to her the demon was long since dust. 

Either way, she had more important things to deal with. Finding her sister and sorting this out. 

It doesn’t take her long to find Lilith. Who looks up as she approaches. “Edalyn?” Lilith said in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“Came to help take care of the mind demon problem,” Eda said as she walked up.

“So that’s what it was,” Lilith said to herself. At Eda’s questioning look she elaborated. “I knew something was following us but I wasn’t able to find it before it decided to attack.”

“That’s not surprising those buggers can be tricky like that,” Eda said.

“You encountered one before?”

“Way back when I was a kid. After Mom and Dad kicked me out for having the audacity for being cursed.”

Lilith flinched and Eda frowned. “Hey, we talked about this before. You’re not to blame for Mom and Dad continuing to be crappy parents.”

“But if I hadn’t cursed you then they may not have kicked you out.”

“And then I might just have run away from home,” Eda said with a shrug. Seeing Lilith still looking doubtful she said. “Curse or not they were crappy parents. It just wasn’t worth staying there without you.” Eda said and then shrugged. “Besides with how much Mom hated my antics you can’t convince me it might have happened without the curse.”

“I suppose that is true. Mother always did seem to have a bone to pick with you more than me.” Lilith agreed. Both sisters had dealt with strife from their parents. It just had different reasons at the center. 

It just seemed like Eda had borne the worst of it after the curse. Actually, she almost certainly had if Lilith knew her parents as well as she thought she did. 

“So what brought this on?” Eda asked.

Lilith tried to play dumb. “What brought what on?”

Eda was having none of it though. “Don’t play dumb. You and I both know a mind demon would only go after someone they thought they could make work of. It wouldn’t have been able to get in here if something was really bothering you.”

“You should probably be more focused on Luz considering that’s who it was after.”

Eda knew a diversion tactic when she saw one. “I already talked to her. And we’re going to have a long talk later. But right now my first priority isn’t her. It’s you. So I’ll ask this again:  what brought this on?”

Lilith hesitated for a moment. She almost didn’t want to say anything as her hands opened and closed for a second. Part of her worried Eda might toss it back at her. After all she did have it worse. “I just can’t help but think about how much I messed up with the curse.”

Eda’s eyebrow went up. “Alright and? We know the curse messed things up Lily this isn’t news.”

Lilith shook her head. Eda didn’t fully understand. “I just wonder if things wouldn’t have been better if there hadn’t been a way for you to be cursed in the first place.”

Eda took a sharp breath in finally connecting the dots and hearing what Lilith was struggling to say. ‘If things would have been better if I hadn’t been around.

Oh. That’s what brought this on.

Okay, well it wasn’t like she hadn’t been here once before herself. She had to be careful with what she said next. At least unlike herself who had to blindly stumble upon a spell to help her get out of her dark place. She could help Lily.

“Okay. Yeah, if you hadn’t been there I probably wouldn’t have been cursed. That much is true.” Eda agreed. “But I also wouldn’t have a sister. Luz might never have met me. Willow might be stuck in a track she sucks at. One trade-off, no matter how bad it is. Wouldn’t be worth losing you, Lily.”

Lilith’s refusal to reply to that is deafening all on its own.

Eda waited a few minutes before she let out a sigh. She had been hoping to maybe get out of this without having to use the spell. It could be dangerous if not implemented right and if you didn’t have someone to pull you out. However, she had been prepared to need it. “Alright fine. You don’t believe me that the world would be worse off without you. Then I’ll prove it to you.”

Lilith frowned. “How would we even.” She cut off as she realized what Eda was suggesting. “No- you can’t be serious.”

“I am serious. Fine, you want to know for sure that life wouldn’t be better without you. Then there’s no way to do this.”

Eda had been prepared for that. It's what she had been preparing for before leaving the waking world. Getting into Lilith’s head was easy enough. Prepping a spell of this magnitude was a whole other scale. 

She would probably not be able to really use Owlbert to cast for a few weeks. However, if it got the message through to Lily. It was a small sacrifice all things considered.

Besides she would at least have glyphs to rely on in the meantime. 

“Why-how do you even know this spell-” Lilith stammered out. “Edalyn-”

Eda hesitated. “Look there were just times with the curse back in the beginning. Things weren’t always easy. This helped me even if at times I didn’t understand it until later.” 

Of course, back then she hadn’t even understood half of what it had meant. Among other things, a lot of things with Lilith had made more sense when she found out who had cursed her. But in the meantime, it had worked. 

She would probably take to her grave what she had seen in the spell. Of the darker timelines. Of the painfully lonely Luz. Of the person, Lilith had become in them. 

Something Eda had slowly learned over the years. Was no matter what you think everyone had a place and a reason to be there. You might not understand it yourself. (She seriously wondered about a timeline without Belos at times) It might not even be the most obvious. But everyone had a place and a reason for being there even if it was something small in the grand scheme of things.

It was a lesson she had learned and helped her through the dark years. Now it was Lilith’s turn to learn it as well.

Eda didn’t know what she would be in a world without Lilith. But if it was anything remotely like a Lilith without her. Then the world really was a better place with her in it. 

No matter how aggravating her sister could get at times.

Especially considering how they had ended up in this situation in the first place. 

“How often?”

“Probably at least a dozen times after Mom and Dad kicked me out and before I had Owlbert and Hooty.”

“But Edalyn that means-” “I know. Look I know it was stupid. Trust me I know how dangerous mind spells can be. But with everything else…” Eda had needed it more than anything. There was a pause between the two before Lilith asked. “Does it really help?”

“I mean it helped me get through some of the worst years of my life.”

Lilith couldn’t help the flinch at that. 

“You wanted my opinion.” Eda pointed out.

“True.”

“Look if it gets to be too much I can cancel the spell. But Lily I really do think it could help just doing this once.” Especially after today. Part of Lilith internally was fighting with the idea. Some part of her after everything still couldn’t wrap her mind around that the spell could show others having a worse life. But she supposed a small look couldn’t hurt.

“Alright.”

Eda can’t hide the relief she feels from Lilith agreeing to it. She wasn’t sure what she would have done otherwise. “I should probably warn you. Some of what you see might not make sense at first. There were things I saw in this that took me years to understand.”

“Like what?”

“Well, let’s just say among other things I knew Luz in some form before she was even born.”

Lilith blinks in surprise. “I didn’t know your impact on her was that monumentous.” It did explain a few things though. And suddenly she’s feeling horrible about the bridge duel all over again. 

Eda’s face softens a bit as it always seems to do when talking about Luz. “Yeah. We’re pretty important to each other. Who knows maybe depending on what you see you might get an idea of what I mean also.”

“I have my doubts.”                                                  ----------------------------

Eda returns back to the land of those not unconscious just as the spell takes full effect. 

She could have stayed with Lilith. Maybe she should have. However, it’s probably best she lets her take this journey on her own.

She knows her sister. If Lilith thinks that she is expected to react in a certain way. Then rather than learning from the spell, she’ll try to put on the front. Which means the whole point of this will have been for nothing.

No, as worried as she is. It’s better to just watch over Lilith.

Out here she can better keep an eye on Lilith. While the spell didn’t necessarily need an anchor to pull you out if it got to be too much (Titan knows she never had one). It certainly never hurts. So rather than join her sister on a trip of self-discovery she leaves Lilith to it.

Luz is sitting on the armchair next to the couch furiously knitting something purple. King curled up on her lap fast asleep at the moment. Eda gives her a concerned look. Her knitting could mean a variety of things. “You okay kid?”

Luz looks up in surprise. She hadn’t heard Eda wake up. “Eda! How did it go?”

“Demons defeated,” Eda answered. “Lily just needs to sort a few things out before she rejoins us in the land of the living. Whatcha making?”

Luz looks back down almost seeming to have forgotten for a moment what she had been doing. “Oh uh, a scarf I guess. I wasn’t really thinking when I started. I just needed to do something. And I couldn’t exactly go for a run with you both out cold.” 

“Ah,” Eda says. She still doesn’t fully understand some of Luz’s habits though it doesn’t make her love the kid anyway. She puts it down as just quirks the kid has similar to Lily’s. Though she tries to at least be supportive. Or at least she hopes she is. “Do you want to maybe do it now?”

Luz hums for a second before shaking her head. “No, I think I’m good. So when do you think Lilith will wake up?”

“Depends on how long she stays under the spell,” Eda said with a shrug. It could be a few hours. Though she was going to have to be careful. Staying under for too long could have negative consequences. 

Luz frowns. “What spell?”

Eda pauses for a moment trying to think about how to put this tactfully. “Lily was having a bit of a difficult time with things.” “Eda just tell me. I’m not a little kid.”

Eda sighs. Part of her thinks this might be a bad idea. However, this will probably impact Luz as well. So she needs to know. No matter how much Eda is reluctant.

“She was having some self-worth issues. She thinks I’m still angry at her for what happened.” Eda answered. Admittedly that was putting it mildly. But considering her concerns with Luz. She wasn’t sure she was going to tell her just what she meant.

“Oh.” Luz frowned. “I thought-” She cut herself off seeming to have realized something. “So what did you do to help?”

“Used an old trick of mine from my youth,” Eda said vaguely. “There’s an old powerful spell I came across back then. Basically, for a short period, you can see into other timelines. But only ones where you were never born.” “Oh,” Luz said. Not entirely sure what to make of it. This sounded strangely familiar somehow though she couldn���t put her finger on why it did. “And you were able to cast it even without your magic?”

“Owlbert helped with that but let’s just say I’m not going to be using anything but Glyphs for at least a week,” Eda said. She would probably be conking out as soon as Lilith woke up. “But if it gets through to Lily then it’s worth the trade-off.”

“Do you think it will work for her?” Luz asked.

“Well, it certainly worked for me when I needed it,” Eda said with a shrug. She’s a bit surprised a moment later when she’s engulfed in a hug by Luz. “Kid?”

“You needed that?” Luz asked in a small voice. “Yeah, it's been years now though since I needed it for myself.” Noticing the start of tears from Luz. “Hey it’s okay, I’m okay now. It was just back in the earlier days of the curse.” 

This was why she hadn’t mentioned to anyone before that she had used that spell. 

“I just don’t like it,” Luz said with a sniff.

“Not expecting you to. Kid, just know that sometimes you just have to see the worst to see the best.”

Luz gave a small giggle at that. There’s just something silly about the way Eda phrases it to her. “I don’t really get it.”

“When this is done maybe I can better explain it,” Eda said. Better yet maybe show Luz. After all, it had been a version of Luz that had helped her get through some of her own darkest hours. It's hard to explain how a girl who she didn't even know at the time had given her some significance. Had shown her that there was some light at the end of the tunnel. Yet somehow it had worked. “After all we still need to talk about how the demon was originally targeting  you .”                                                  ----------------------------

The first timeline Lilith lands in at first confuses her.

Despite Eda’s warning about just how different each timeline could be. She at first can’t think of why she is here of all place. In the Emperor’s throne room. Turns out even in different timelines Belos had a similar decorating scheme. Somethings were universal she supposed.

Then she catches sight of her. At first, the contrast is so great from her Eda Lilith almost doesn’t recognize her. This is an Eda obviously still in her prime. Not a single hint of gray hair in her flaming orange hair. She not only radiates power but carries herself with an air of confidence and something else that Lilith can’t quite place at first. This one quite clearly has no curse holding her back.

Lilith isn’t entirely surprised. If she’s not there then of course there’s no curse.

When this Eda speaks a chill runs down Lilith’s spine. She only has half an ear to whatever she is speaking to the Emperor about. This Eda’s tone lacks all the warmth her sister usually exudes with every breath.

And it’s chilling in more than one sense to see.

Lilith is confused at first about how this managed to come to be. How in the name of the Titan could there even be a world even where she wasn’t alive. That Eda was just this  cold .

That there could even be a version of Eda that exists that was this cold. 

Eda becoming Coven Leader isn’t really that surprising. With her not being born there would have been no one to compete for that last spot in the coven for. So naturally, Eda would have been their pick. With her raw talent, it really is no surprise that she would make her way up the ranks and eventually become Coven Leader much like Lilith had once upon a time. 

Part of her wondered how this even could be possible. Eda was warm, energetic, friendly. Everything this version was not.

Part of her already knows.

Their parents had never been the best at their jobs. Sometimes growing up it felt like the only thing getting them by was each other. Someone else who understood what it was actually like behind the doors of the old manor they grew up in.

This Eda obviously had needed someone there like they had been for each other growing up. With no sister...well Lilith could only imagine what it had been like. 

Though looking at this cold more calculated Edalyn she already knew in some way. It had been horrible.  

It does make her think of something for a moment. When they were younger, Eda used to like to say that Lilith was the Moon to her Sun. That their contrasting energies and styles complimented each other.

It had been a long time since Eda had said that to her. But as she takes one long look at this version of Eda. This one is so wildly different from her own sister. Some part of that sentence comes back to her. This was an Eda who was the Moon in the story with no Sun. 

Part of her is scared about what it means how things could have been without her own Edalyn. Eda must have seen those timelines herself. Though Lilith wonders if she will talk about it.

Part of her also wonders if an Eda who was still the Sun in this story. Would still even need her.

On the one hand, it shows her that maybe Eda was right. Maybe things would have been worse without her. But surely there are more who benefited from her not being there?

So thus the world shifts again.                                                  ----------------------------

Lilith is confused when the fog clears at first again.

She doesn’t recognize this place. Something about it makes her think of Hexside at first glance. Then she catches sight of a familiar face, Luz. The only thing vaguely familiar in a sea of unfamiliarity.

They must be in the human realm then.

This Luz looks older than the girl she had grown to know. Probably by about a year or two if Lilith had to guess. She’s fumbling with some envelope in her hands. She’s not said a single word the entire time but is watching another two girls that were about her age if Lilith had to guess. 

Luz seems to be steeling herself for something. Taking a deep breath she starts walking up to the two. Hand still clenched tightly to the envelope. She opens her mouth to say something.

One of the other girls beats her to it. “What’s up Strange Child?”

Luz flinches and Lilith almost recoils as the feeling of ‘something’s not right here’ she’s had from the beginning finally clicks into place. This is a Luz who never saw the Boiling Isles and thus things never started to turn the corner for her. She should know. She knows all too well the history behind that nickname.

Luz and she have a bit of a game. 

When she first left the Emperor's Coven she had a hard time calling Luz by name. Years of indoctrinated attitudes meant that no matter how much she should call Luz, Luz, and not 'the human' it wasn't nearly as easy as it should have been.

So instead in that first week, she had called her 'little wild', and Luz in turn had started calling her 'Ms. Raven'. A week later for reasons Lilith had long forgotten Lilith tried a different one. Luz followed. 

Months of living in The Owl House and it was still going. Luz seemed to enjoy it as much as she did. It was their little 'game'. Lilith didn't think Eda approved at first. But since none of it had been in spite and Luz was just as capable of dishing back what Lilith threw at her. She didn't push it.

In the past months of their ongoing game, there had been only one incident where it had gone sour. The time Lilith had called Luz, 'Strange Child'. 

The only other time Lilith ever saw Luz remotely that defeated had been around the time of the conformotorium incident. She quickly decided she would rather not see it again.

It had taken some coaxing from her, Eda, and King to get anything resembling a story. However, the shortest version of why Luz had such a reaction was because of bullies. Apparently, there had been an entire year at school where no one would call Luz by name and the nickname they had chosen? 'Strange Child'

Eda had of course been seething and if the portal door hadn't been destroyed. Lilith would have been actively concerned on some level for the humans on Earth. 

Not that they didn't really deserve Eda's brand of pranking. 

Lilith had made a point to apologize for the unknown mistake. She had dropped it just as quickly as she had taken it up. Though she had made a point that Luz would be better off telling her before it happened again.

According to Luz, the 'strange child' thing had been when Luz was twelve according to her but it had stopped eventually. And now she looked at an older Luz she wondered if it ever stopped here. 

Lilith is initially confused why she’s even seeing this. Then she realizes it goes back to the previous Eda.

An Eda with a coven would never have discovered the portal door. Even if Luz had managed to stumble through it the likelihood that the two would meet. Let alone this Eda would have been able to help her. Is extremely low.

This Luz must be from the same timeline then. 

Lilith wonders for a moment what else is different for Luz in this timeline. Did she actually go to that ‘dreaded summer camp’ here? Obviously, if she had it didn’t have her mother’s desired effect. 

This Luz most likely still only has her mother to rely on. The fact that once she gets her first real look at the envelope and realizes it’s to Luz’s birthday is also telling. Obviously, the other girls weren’t friendly but Luz had been desperate. Still was as if the start of tears were anything to go by.

It’s rare Lilith wants to hug someone. She’s not a touchy-feely person (her Luz’s words not hers). It can be overwhelming to her. So when she does feel like initiating contact it’s significant. It’s even rarer to do it with someone that for all intents and purposes she really doesn’t know. Yes, this is Luz, but it’s not  her  Luz.

However, at the moment that’s all she wants to do. Whisper some sort of reassurance that things will be okay. Even if she is far from knowing it. 

Finally, she does understand why the spell decided to show her Luz. It’s not just Eda that’s impacted in this timeline by her never being born.

Yet she still can’t help but wonder if this is just true in one timeline.

And just like that the world shifts again.

                                                 ----------------------------

The next timeline she lands in is slightly better. This Eda at least looks closer to her sister. She has Owlbert, her hair is prematurely gray (Lilith tries to ignore what she knows that means), and she has that gold tooth of hers. She may not have Lilith but this is much closer to her own baby sister than the Coven Leader Eda was. 

Some part of her draws comfort in the fact that this Eda is closer to her own sister. That an Eda without her isn’t necessarily as cold as the Coven Leader was. Unlike the Coven Leader, she is still full of warm energy. However, Lilith quickly realizes that there’s still something different here but she just can’t put her finger on it.

It takes a bit before Lilith realizes it. She is watching Eda instruct Luz on some sort of new glyph (thankfully this universe had apparently been kinder to Luz, she’s not sure if she can handle another one where she is for all intents and purposes mute) when it clicks. This Eda is more reserved than her sister.

She’s still a wild witch, a con artist, but this Eda is more careful. More reserved. Something that becomes extremely apparent as she only leaves the house after nightfall and when they arrive at the Night Market it finally clicks for Lilith. Eda is trying to avoid being caught by the Coven guard. 

Whoever is head of the coven in this universe is obviously not nearly as kind towards Eda. 

Kikimora had held a grain of truth in her hands when she had accused Lilith of protecting her sister after all. Yes, she had been Head Coveness. Yes, it was her job to bring her sister in. However,  she would much rather have brought her sister in peacefully than what actually happened. 

Lilith tries to ignore the guilt gnawing away at her that always comes when she thinks about those two long days. Part of her wonders just how she could have continued to be so naive for so long. How she could have been so blind to reality. Or even failed to stop to think about the actual consequences of what may more likely have happened if Eda had joined the coven. The more she’s gotten to know Luz the worse it’s gotten. 

Obviously here peace was never the option. Whoever was coven leader obviously did not hold the soft spot she had. Or else Eda would not have to been so careful.

Lilith wonders what Eda’s crimes are here. Is it just being a wild witch? Actually, that was most likely it. She sincerely doubted that even without her Belos would change that much. 

Watching Eda barter for elixirs is painful to watch. While the door obviously exists in this world or else Luz wouldn’t be here. The need for more discretion means the human stand she so loves obviously isn’t a source of income here. 

Lilith also bets that her potion business isn’t nearly as booming here. Being restricted to working in the night market would come with its difficulties. 

She guesses she never realized how much Eda benefited from having her as Coven Leader. She guessed that they should be grateful now that Belos decided chasing after her was more trouble than its worth. Since they could very easily be in a similar situation just in addition to another person. 

Lilith ends up lingering here longer than the others. She isn’t sure why at first. Curiosity maybe?

Luz is still friends with Willow and Gus. She doesn’t go to Hexside here. Probably for the same reasons Eda has to frequent the Night Market. However, Lilith can’t help but notice the absence of another, Amity. 

Amity’s presence in the friend group had made things difficult at first back home. They had never really tried to address the entire thing with the Covention. Suddenly Lilith living in the house forced a confrontation. That to be honest Lilith wasn’t sure either of them were ready for or wanted.

This Amity was still mentored under a higher up in the Emperor’s Coven. However, it was obvious the Covention incident had never happened. Lilith supposed it would have been silly to think otherwise. No sister rivalry means the odds of the Power Glyph incident would never happened.

However what was maybe surprising about this was what came, or rather didn’t out of it not happening. No Covention duel apparently meant that Luz had never been able to connect with Amity. Meaning the two never became friends.

Its strange how one simple mistake apparently changed two peoples lives. It’s honestly hard to believe that a mistake could have benefits.

Yet much like how the curse was a mistake. So was the Power Glyph. 

Lilith lingers just long enough that she can see the writing on the wall. What this Eda’s, much like hers, curse is slowly getting worse.

However, in this world, there is no one to split it with. Lilith doubts that Eda even know the spell exists. Meaning its only a matter of time before Eda succumbs to the curse eventually. 

Lilith can’t bear to watch three hearts get broken at once. Once Eda is gone Luz will have to go to the human realm. And King...who knows what will happen to him. 

For a brief moment she thinks of the first timeline. And her heart clenches tightly. Was King even alive there? 

As annoying as he could get at times. As much as she would never say it outloud. She did have a soft spot. The idea that King very likely wasn’t even alive there was just as bad as the cold Eda or the lonely Luz in some ways.

Thankfully the world changes again before she has to sit and watch this version of her sister say goodbye.

                                                 ---------------------------- 

 The next timeline hurts the most. 

In fact it hurts so much that Lilith is confused why she is even being shown it at first. 

What in the world could be bad about a timeline like this?

Eda for all intents and purposes appears to be happy. This Eda is in the Emperor’s Coven but for some unknown reason never rose to be Coven Leader. 

Maybe the timeline is saying without her Eda would never reach her full potential?

But that has to absurd right? There has to be more to this than just that right?

However, at first it feels like that’s really the only point of this one. Eda is married in this one. Has two little witchlings of her own. 

Everything seems happy at first. Everything seems perfect. 

It feels like a mockery and it confuses her at first. Why is the spell that is supposed to show her the worst timelines showing her this of all timelines?

It takes a while before the timeline reveals its secrets. It’s subtle at first. Lilith is ashamed to admit that she almost misses the signs of something just isn’t quite right at first glance. 

Its also not helped by the fact that Lilith has never been the best at reading people’s emotions. Despite the fact that she almost felt them too strongly at times. Understanding what others felt was more complicated. It’s helped less when its hidden behind a mask. And everyone here seems to be wearing a mask of some sort. 

The longer she dwells the more she sees it. Something isn’t right here. It’s almost  too perfect.

It’s with Eda that she finally starts to see it. Eda has always worn her emotions loudly and thankfully in this timeline that hasn’t changed too much. While she is definitely happy to be raising two witchlings of her own. That part is genuine. There are signs that something is weighing down on her. Lilith notices Eda staring off into space occasionally. Seemingly haunted by something she can’t see. 

Then she finally sees it, or rather her. It’s one day after Eda’s witchlings has gone off to Hexside. When a familiar face seems to come out of nowhere and sit across from Eda. Lilith blinks once, then twice, not at first she entirely she’s believing herself because just how was this possible? 

An Eda in the coven should never have come into contact with Luz right? Yet there she was. A little bit older, a bit wearier, but it was Luz nonetheless.

Lilith guessed that no matter what timeline they were in Eda would still have some tendency to rebel.

Lilith’s not sure how this Eda came into contact with Luz. Or why Luz is living with Eda in this timeline. It seems more dangerous than anything. Until she stops to think about what she isn’t seeing. About what Luz’s presence says without saying.

That’s when she finally understands it. This timeline is less about her importance to Eda. Its far more about her importance in the role in stopping the Day of Unity. Even if that had been by accident.

She had noticed the odd human trinkets around. Some remnant signs of Earth. But just had shrugged it off as just someone else taking Eda’s job as the human junk seller at first. Now that she looks at Luz that’s clearly been hiding with Eda for a while now. She realizes it’s far, far darker than that.

In their timeline, Luz had destroyed the portal door. In this timeline it appeared Luz had most likely no contact with the Boiling Isles prior to the Day of Unity. 

Meaning Belos had succeeded with his plans here.

To Lilith it at first makes less sense that she is somehow significant in all of this. Why would her mere presence have helped stopped an entire invasion of Earth?

Then she stops to think about it. If she wasn’t there then Eda still joins the Emperor’s Coven. This Eda, unlike her Coven leader counterpart, had still managed to find the portal door. However, unlike her Eda, she hadn’t kept it for herself opting to turn it over. So the plans had gone off without a hitch.

Lilith isn’t as surprised that things had ended poorly for the humans. Her timeline’s Belos had been in part true when he had said he didn’t want to invade the human realm. He did have other plans for it. However, that didn’t mean they were exactly good plans. 

Though it is telling how much Luz has grown on her that it hurts this much to see a Luz like this.

It does make her wonder though. Is it impossible to have a timeline where everyone is allowed to even be a little bit happy?

The world shifts again.

                                                 ----------------------------

Eda ends up being the one that pulls Lilith out. 

Lilith goes through a few more timelines. It takes some time. Part of her still can’t entirely let go of all the self-doubt. Though she doubted Eda meant for her to entirely do so.

Just see enough to see that she had an impact.

However, as she pulls out of another timeline. One that had shown her just exactly what the lack of no Luz in the timeline on the Boiling Isles would mean to others than just Eda. An indirect result of a different Eda. Even as she’s slowly come to the conclusion that Eda’s right. A world without her is indeed worse off. She still struggles with some things. She still struggles with the idea that she had that much influence on Luz’s arrival. 

Eda, her Eda, is waiting for her after this one.

“You alright Lily?” Eda asks.

“Just a bit overwhelmed,” Lilith admitted. “I know you were being sincere earlier. But…”

“It still surprises you how much influence you had?” Eda concluded. Lilith nods. She’s not surprised Eda put it together. She had been there once after all. “Like I said I wouldn’t be me without you. Regardless of the bad, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“You didn’t see some of it. There was a version of you that was a Coven Leader of all things.” Lilith still can’t quiet get over how different that one was.

“I mean there was a time even here where I did want to join the Emperor’s Coven.” Eda reminds her. 

Lilith hadn’t forgotten that.

It’s partly why she had been so confused for so long that Eda didn’t want to join as she got older. It hadn’t been until Eda had sat her down and spelled out the possible consequences of joining a coven for her. What restricting magic could possibly do to her. That she had started to understand. 

It wouldn’t have stopped the arguing and headbutting before. Lilith had been too stubborn in her naivety to realize that Belos had been lying to her for years. However, now she at least understood. 

“It’s so hard to explain what she was like,” Lilith said. How do you even begin to explain half of what she saw?

“Eh, I think I have a decent idea at least,” Eda admitted.

Lilith frowned at that. Slightly confused again before it hits like a ton of bricks. Eda would have seen what she was like without her influence. And if Coven Leader Eda was any indication of what she was like… “I can’t imagine what kind of monster that must have been like.”

Eda frowns. “Hey, thats now what I meant.”

Lilith stares for a moment not comprehending. “But what you said-”

Eda’s not having it though cutting in again. “Lily your not a monster without me around. You’re not giving yourself enough credit. Just because some idiots think you don’t have emotions because you display them differently. That doesn’t mean there right.”

“Sure…” Lilith trails off not entirely able to keep the doubt out of her voice.

Eda let out a sigh. “Come on there’s something I want to show you.”

Lilith at first thinks Eda is going to show her one of the timelines where she herself wasn’t born. But once things clear it becomes apparent that’s not what is happening here.

Lilith recognizes the scene in front of her. It’s from a different angle than the one she saw. However, the moment stood out to her even when it happened so it’s impossible for her not to recognize it. 

It’s the day that Luz pulled Eda aside to talk to her. When things started getting easier around the Owl House for her.

Its the conversation that up until Eda hadn’t been willing to tell her about. The surprise must be apparent on her face as Eda says. “The kid asked me to wait to tell you about what we talked about. Said forcing it might makes things worse.” Eda shrugs. “I  don’t  fully understand everything at times she says here. She’s tried to help me with that but its been a process. However, I can’t ignore the fact that she’s been surprisingly right so far. So I took it but I think you need to see this now more than ever.”

Lilith just feels more confused than ever. It had always confused her how one conversation could change so much. Eda dancing around it didn’t seem to help her understanding.

But if Eda thought it could help her understand than it was probably worth a look at least Lilith reasoned as she turned her full attention to the memory.

“I don’t think the arguing is helping,” Luz says.

Eda frowns at that. “What so I should just let the comments go unpassed? Kid-”

Luz interrupts before she can finish. “No, no I don’t like them either. But…” Luz chewed on her lip for a moment. Seeming to be debating something. “I don’t think this is the right way to go about this? I just-” Luz paused for a second recollects herself and starts again. “Was Lilith always like this?”

Eda’s eyebrows quirked. “Like what?”

Luz seemed to think something over. As if trying to decide how best to say it, before settling on a question. “I mean when you guys were kids did she always have this problem with emotions?”

Lilith’s not too surprised Luz had picked up on it. The girl is intuitive when she wants to be. She  is a bit surprised by the fact that Luz is being careful with her choice of words.

Almost like she’s trying to make sure she doesn't call Lilith a name. That just confuses Lilith further. Eda’s always been defensive of her. Especially when people don’t understand her.

Which happens more than Lilith would like to admit. 

Getting called names was an unfortunate part of growing up for her. However, at this point, she hadn’t been called any of that in years. It would be another couple of months before that started up again.

So how was it Luz seemed to know already?

“You noticed that huh?” A nod from Luz. Eda deflated a bit. “Yeah. People used to assume Lily was either mean or didn’t feel things. Still do probably actually. Not sure what your getting at here kid.”

Luz nervously wrings her hands for a moment. Seeming to be trying to decide how to respond before speaking again. “Look I don’t know about here on the Isles but back home we have a term, neurodiverse. We’re wired differently than other people. We think differently, we feel differently. Sometimes this isn’t a bad thing. Other times though...”

“It causes problems?” Eda said. 

Luz nodded.

Lilith didn’t miss the fact Luz had used the term we and she doubted Eda did either.

“And you think Lily’s also this neurodiverse?” Eda trips over the word at first. Its foreign to both her and Lilith. 

“Maybe? She does stuff that makes me think of me but not to the same level. I’m not a doctor or a healer of course. But…” luz trailed off for a moment. “When they first told Mami about this. They said to expect a few things. Like I may have problems with changes in routine. I don’t really have that? I like trying new stuff. Everyone’s a bit different when it comes to this.” Luz shrugged. “However, Lilith…”

“You think that some of the problems we’ve been having is because of that.” Eda concluded.

“Well not all of it.” Luz said with a shrug. “But spending three decades in a singular routine...”

“Isn’t going to be easy to break if you thrive in a routine situation.” Eda finished seeing where Luz was going with it.

“I mean she was in it for three decades. It'd be hard for anyone.” Luz said with a shrug.

“True.” Eda agreed. “So you’re the apparent expert here kid what are you suggesting?”

“Not being so argumentative? I mean it's not great what the coven fed her and it does kind of hurt what is said at times.” Luz admitted. “But I think forcing the change to happen quickly isn’t helping. Encourage when she does right and hopefully this will start dropping away. Or at least that’s what I would prefer to do if I was in a similar situation.”

There was a pause for a moment before Eda sighed and said. “Well, it certainly doesn’t hurt to give it a shot. Titan knows I’m tired of the arguing. I know we all are. Hope your right about this kid.”

                                                 ----------------------------

“So Luz thinks I’m neurodiverse?” Lilith said slowly repeating the word after she’s back with her Eda in real time again. Much like Eda that first time she trips over it. It’s such a foreign concept. 

It’s strange, despite Luz’s discussion of all the issues on Earth. This sounds like one area they might actually be better in. They have no word like it on the Isles. If you’re different like the way Luz talked about it just simply wasn’t discussed.

“Yeah, that’s what she believes,” Eda said with a shrug. “We’ve talked about it a few times since then. She’s made a few more points that definitely point to her probably being right. Of course not one of us is a human doctor. So.” Eda shrugs again. “It’s hard to say for sure.”

“So being neurodiverse makes me easier to accept?” Lilith is still having a hard time wrapping her head around what the definition means. Of what purpose it has. Of what it meant for them both.

“What-no,” Eda said catching herself for a moment before accidentally saying something. “Lily I always knew you were different. I love you regardless. Slightly different wiring or not. Luz just helped me put a word to it and understand it in a way I didn’t before. Helped me figure out how to help you since no one else could explain it before.”

Lilith supposes it is true that it feels like Eda is more patient now than growing up. She had initially just assumed Eda was finally growing up. However, Luz’s help does put an addition to it she hadn’t entirely anticipated.

However, it’s not just Eda’s acceptance that’s weighing on her. “I know it’s just I can’t help but think about our parents,” Lilith said. 

“Our parents can stuff it,” Eda grumbled. “It shouldn’t make a difference if they cared for us because you were different or because I was a little wilder than they wanted. They were supposed to love us regardless.” 

It was something Eda had always known. That their parents’ dynamic was messed up. However, becoming a parent in absentee to Luz had really driven home that lesson for her. 

Part of Eda wonders how things might have been different for both of them if they had been actually decent at their jobs. But like the other timelines had taught her already, just because it might look nicer on the outside. That doesn’t necessarily mean that it actually is.

There was always some sort of tradeoff. And while Eda wasn’t sure what it would be in that scenario. Eda’s sure she wouldn’t make the sacrifice to just have had a better family when she was a child. 

“By the way, good job not using Bonehead as a frame of reference,” Eda added. 

One thing she and Luz had tried to help encourage was when Lilith did do something right. Was not trying to use the Emperor as a measure of self-worth.

And sure using the frame of reference for their parents wasn’t great either. But if Eda had to pick between the two. She’ll take Lily not using the Emperor as her source of self-worth by a lot.

For Eda, it’s even more rewarding in some ways. Since it shows that Luz was right. Patience, while maybe a bit more aggravating, would pay off in the end. They just had to give Lily time.

She’s proud of Luz. That she helped her realize that and helped her become a better sister. Though she sometimes wishes she could have come to these conclusions on her own.

Lilith blinked in surprise. She hadn’t even realized she had done that. “Yes, I suppose I did, didn’t I?”

Eda grins. More than a bit proud of her sister for a moment for at least not using Belos as a frame of reference. “Anyways, we should get back to the land of the living before the kid really works herself up.”

                                                  ----------------------------

Lilith barely had enough time to wake up before Luz barrels into her. Only to realize her mistake a moment later as she just as quickly pulls back. “Sorry.”

Lilith finds that surprisingly enough she isn’t bothered by it for once. “No, it’s fine. Go ahead.” 

Maybe it had something to deal with all those other timelines? She had just wanted to give that one Luz a hug after all...She doesn’t know if she’ll ever admit that while important. Seeing those lessons had been painful. 

Luz blinks once in surprise but doesn’t need a second invite. And Lilith quickly finds herself full of the human girl again.

Lilith doesn’t miss the look Eda’s shooting her over Luz’s head. “Oh hush.”

Eda gave a wry grin at that before saying far too innocently for Lilith’s taste. “What I didn’t say anything?”

“You didn’t need to.”

Eda’s grin just gets bigger.

Lilith lasts a couple of minutes before she pushes Luz gently back to separate the two of them. Thankfully Luz seems to understand (probably does when she later thinks about it) because it doesn’t take much to disengage her from the hug. 

“You're okay now?” Luz asks. 

Lilith frowns, she’s not entirely sure if ‘okay’ would be the right word to use. She certainly  feels  better. Seeing how even her apparent mistakes made such an impact was eye-opening. It’s still a lot to go through.

Luz seems to realize her mistake. “Well, at least somewhat better than you were before the demon attack?”

That part is true. Lilith nods. 

“Sometimes you need a blunt instrument to this kind of thing kid.”

“Would you even have the patience for the fine-tuning?” Luz asked.

“Eh no,” Eda admits. There’s a reason why she never went to see a mind healer. Even though she probably should have.

That and it feels like seeing healers is opening up to a whole set of problems. Or had in the past when she was wanted under Belos. Nowadays it might be safe. But she’s still hesitant.

Though just because she and Lilith could handle it the blunt way...Eda glances at Luz again. Didn’t mean it might be best was what was for Luz.

It was going to be another conversation for another day. She couldn’t let Luz continuing to struggle on her own just slide by like she had allowed it before.

For now, it’s been enough for a day. So she is just going to let herself be grateful that both Luz and Lilith are okay right now.

[daisychainsandbowties]

Agreed on ava’s vibes

not my main hc for her (tho honestly my main hc for her is just that regardless of gender identity she likes called beatrice’s boyfriend/girlfriend/husband, etc, as long as she’s being called beatrice’s, and she’s well, nonbinary, no other notes beyond that)

but i love hcing ava as a transmasc woman, simply because transmasc women & transfemme men are such underrated genders

and fuck, now i’m getting teary eyed over the thought of beattice getting to just getting to be and experience gender euphoria and/or contentment

beatrice handing out treats on halloween for the trick or treaters, some kid being like “thanks uh-“ and struggling as they try to guess how they’re supposed to gender bea

“thanks ma’am-sir? miss? mister?” beatrice impulsively shrugging for ? reason, the kid taking it as some sort of cue and finally settling on “thanks mister!” or “thanks mister-miss!” and beatrice can’t stop smiling for the rest of the night

also same hat on the autistic bit, will be sure to check out that fic soon, and also please do elaborate on the autistic beatrice thoughts 👀

i love how autistic vibes beatrice is, not just in the show but in many stuff by the fandom as well, my fav fics are the ones where the autistic beatrice vibes are ^1000

Also yeah, lilith is so nd, love how her story can be so easily read as a metaphor for autism

like lilith’s line about her mother “being unable to accept the reality of the woman in front of her”, sounds an awful lot like a convo between an autistic child & their ableist parent

lilith being successful but being rejected bc she isn’t fitting this unobtainable ideal (being the warrior nun/being neurotypical) that she’s literally died for

seeing & experiencing the world differently (being nd/lilith’s wraith vision), being obviously different from others (being nd/lilith being a demon), desperately trying and failing to repress those differences

but then accepting them making you better than ever (no longer trying to be neurotypical/lilith accepting the demon stuff)

and then aside from the obvious ways lilith’s arc can be read as an allegory, lilith’s whole 🧍‍♀️(menacingly) energy she has so often in the show

like girl obviously has absolutely no idea what to do with herself when she’s not being a menace and it shows

also i saw her dragging her nails and doing yhe nail clack thing on the walls of arc tech and then her noticing what she’s doing and being like 😧 as her subconsciously stimming and it bothering her because she’s used to, supposed to repress those behaviors, but then ever since she came back from the dead, she can’t do the repression anymore, in more ways/aspects than one, and stuff like her stimming & neurodivergency is one of em

like yeah ik she was 😧 about the demon claws ig, but no reason it can’t be both

i am kind of drawn to the idea that Ava expresses her gender in relation to things/people. like yes, absolutely - she is with Beatrice in any (every) capacity.

but also that she approaches gender as something nebulous and shifting and as complicated as dressing sometimes in really feminine clothes because for so long she basically wore a hospital gown so dressing up and having that experience of getting dressed up as a teenager, the weird giddiness of girls sharing their clothes and their accessories and going ‘ah shit, this does look better on you’ - *strips the shirt off and flings it across the room unceremoniously* & also sometimes Ava dressing in a shirt and a suit jacket and looking masc and handsome & really just existing as herself, orbiting gender elipitically so sometimes she’s closer or further away or curving dramatically thru space.

picking the male avatar in video games bc she likes the animation better. being just really drawn to long-haired Link in Breath of the Wild. like yeah, Ava’s relation to gender as ‘idk?’ but in a typically Ava way which is also somehow effortlessly compelling & honest & true. 

tearing up at the image of Bea giving out halloween candy with Ava next to her going ‘make them sing a song’ but Beatrice just giving way too much to each person & complimenting their costumes and taking whatever form of address comes her way which - yes - varies wildly bc she’s rocking short hair & half the time comes to the door with the hood of her hoodie pulled up (by Ava, who is doing ‘hood surprise attacks’ in the spirit of halloween). the peacefulness of that image & gender as peaceful…

gender + autism being so good and Beatrice getting to escape from the rigours of social gendered-ness & just exist without being pressed into these various contortions of gender. something about authenticity and being as an act of radical self-love. also defiance. 

oh yeah i def think that Lilith’s whole story is very neurodivergent-coded. it might be another ‘casper can’t write neurotypical’ but my ligaments Lilith is veeeery neurodivergent. doesn’t like touch as a general rule but likes it very much from specific people. the way she is just in general echoing so many autistic experiences.

the way that she occupies space inconsistently and uneasily. the very visible ‘signs of otherness’ in her demonic wings and the scales and i guess i’m thinking about masking and her inability to mask. she is consistently outside looking in, relegated to the borderlands of the narrative.

how i think in s1 she is so wonderfully alternating between this playfulness (lounging on the car outside the orphanage, her laughter when she and Mary are beating each other to hell, the way she interacts with Ava - 'it's a stick') and then her absolute intensity at other times. how revealing that is of the fact that there is a Lilith stacked underneath the mask-version she has so carefully construed to help her and keep her safe. what i am raised to be vs who i am.

how soft she is and how caring with those she loves, & i think how the narrative itself misunderstands her (deliberately) and how we gradually see that NOTHING she does is really selfish, but that she’s let down - so often - by those who are supposed to be her family, and because she masks so well her needs aren’t appreciated. i think ppl take care of Beatrice and Camila and they don’t take care of her in the same way. she ends up alone and isolated. she is tricked by people, used by people (Jillian, Adriel, Duretti)

this is a mess of thoughts but just how she is constructed, and how much it speaks to being an ill-fitting thing. not fully belonging in a world built for others and around their needs. how she clings to the first person to acknowledge her difference “you are something entirely new”. & her energy of i think very badly wanting to reach out and be SEEN but not knowing how, being overshadowed and forgotten and discarded.

how i think in a way she saw Beatrice as the Mary to her Shannon, what it must have been like to see that fall apart in front of her, to watch Beatrice go with Ava after the Vatican. to be finally divested of every hope she had for her life. 

& i am always every day feral about Lilith’s background. i am always tempted to hc her as an only child - last scion of my house & so on - but also thinking that from the very beginning she is not living up to expectations. i do hc her as having some learning disabilities growing up, & her mother making her suffer for it, terribly. the convo they have sounds like an old wound being picked open.

Lilith growing up with not one person in her life ever believing in her, being sent to the slaughterhouse anyway. the expendable one - the one we shall not allow to have children. Lilith with cousins who share her name but not her fate. so she makes everything about the halo. trying to fit into this box (coffin) that has been built for her since birth. dying for it, and even that is not enough. 

i really wish we could have seen Lilith grow to love and accept who she is. like yes, the fact that she is framed as liminal by the narrative, caught between two worlds, two sides of a conflict.

she is neither/or. her scales are spectres of inner difference, but they are also beautiful. Lilith learning that what she sees and feels and what she is - they’re all different but not bad or worse. Lilith using her demon sight to help the OCS. learning that she doesn’t need to be the halo-bearer (but also that she doesn’t need to be valuable. she just needs to exist).

Lilith being permitted to take up space and time and energy, instead of folding herself away to nothing. the teleportion as a metaphor for self-erasure, for masking and making oneself still and silent.

writing Lilith as neurodivergent (probably autistic +) is really beautiful because it opens up all of these possibilities for exploring what is gorgeous about neurodivergent existence, and what it means to unmask after YEARS of suffocating inside of a body that was controlled by the expectations of others. & let’s not forget that when you start stimming after not being allowed to for your entire life it DOES feel scary and it does make you uncomfortable because it sets off alarm bells and there are a million instances of people saying ‘stop it that’s annoying’ or ‘what is wrong with you’ & Lilith’s initial horror being THAT, too, but how eventually it will be okay and good and easy. 

i just LOVE Lilith to pieces bc her whole story just aches but it’s also this incredibly difficult and worthwhile journey towards self-acceptance. & when you start to see HER slip through the cracks of the walls she’s put between herself and all of the things that have the potential to hurt her it’s just searingly beautiful and SHE is searingly beautiful and neurodivergence is poetic and fantastic and good.

anyway tysm for these thoughts. i rlly appreciate them.

[ramblefang]

TOH s2 ep2

Been a bit since I’ve done the first episode, but now I’m at this thing. Also, I guess I’m doing this liveblog style since I’ve already paused the episode a few times to think about things within the first four minutes. So I’ll just start over and start from there.

00:02 - Even on my first go around I noticed “Blight” on the sign to this factory and connected it to Amity’s family. Gives some extra meaning to the name.

00:30 - So the Blights sell “security”, but also suggest that they are really what amounts to an arms manufacturer. It might be why all of their potential customers are cloaked, hiding their identities. It may be preferable to not let it known that one is purchasing weapons and security, especially if anything here is less than ethical.

Oh, and I believe this is the first time we see the Blight parents. At most we saw them as silhouettes in flashback: when they forced Amity to stop being friends with Willow.

00:42 - An oracle, huh? That could make for some difficult challenges, assuming mother-Blight becomes a significant antagonist. Also, father-Blight looks really worn out; wonder how much say he has in business affairs.

02:00 - And of course, they’ve separated Amity from a friend before, so they’ll definitely be willing to do it again.

03:02 - As one would expect from what we know of their backstories, Lilith is upright and attentive while Eda is distracted. Having the mentor figure of the previous season suddenly be the “problem student that learns differently” would be quite unique—also relatable as I am someone who figured out I was ADHD as an adult.

03:14 - These three (or more, along with Luz’s friends) encountering more glyphs is something I’m excited about: all of them learning together instead of the adults generally knowing everything

03:20 - I figure these sisters would have some good ideas about where to find more glyphs. I’m not sure how to interpret the expression, but it might be a knowing look shared between them.

03:45 - Eda fumbling around and immediately trying whatever she thinks might work is probably just how she learns. Being told what not to do, trying to provide rigid structure to learning, is what she greatly dislikes about formal education. I say just let her make mistakes; it’s probably how she ended up becoming the greatest sorceress of The Burning Isles after all.

03:58 - King in charge? Oh no. (Oh yes!)

04:14 - Okay, to be fair to Luz, apparently she did properly understand that Eda was impatient to get back to her former glory. Something that Eda might have to come to terms with, over the course of the season (and beyond) is that she may never reach those heights again. Just pure speculation on what sorts of themes the show may be exploring

04:25 - Ah, so that’s where Lilith is likely to be wrong about things as well: being so attached to doing things “perfectly” and “correctly”. It’ll probably be that their approaches to learning need to mix: not exactly “meet in the middle” because that implies abandoning their respective extremes. Or at the very least, they can come to terms about how they learn differently from one another

04:36 - I just noticed Lilith is wearing a blouse of a battery icon on low charge. No doubt something that Eda scavenged in the human world, but I wonder if there’s any symbolism to it. Guess there’s how these sisters are depowered, but maybe there’s something more unique for Lilith to be wearing it?

Also, it’s just funny.

05:24 - Ah. A pie made of fairies, rather than a pie might by fairies [or as fairies would make it]. Topped with an additional pun even! Fairy [Very] fresh indeed

05:31 - Also cute Amity blush

05:50 - The Blight parents are wasting no time I see

06:00 - Yeah, father Blight looking like he has ADHD or some form of neurodivergency at least. Curious how he will fit into the narrative, because mother Blight seems to be the more clear antagonist here.

06:15 - Comes off as a joke in the moment, but I wonder if he said “executed” out of force of habit

06:25 - Damn, the way that Amity’s fire was immediately quenched.

08:00 - Concerned that Luz is only being seen as a rare commodity, and that this apparent cordiality, along with these circumstances, are just meant to ensnare her. Not to say that Luz was their main goal, I’m sure that punishing Amity was what they came for, but they probably recognize Luz as a unique opportunity

08:47 - So the magic Eda is used to is literally a lot more fluid, accommodating to her creativity. The glyphs are fundamentally more rigid, potentially necessitating Eda to learn something from her sister.

09:06 - Yeah, Eda is used to being the best. This seems like it’ll be central to some big problems in the future; Eda being tempted by a shortcut to power or something maybe.

09:25 - Huh, Principal Bump is surprisingly fond of these troublemakers.

11:00 - Oh gosh, Luz going to see the Blight parents (Alador and Odalia apparently) on her own is the most dangerous outcome.

11:30 - Ooo, Eda has made some progress with making a custom glyph. Potentially very dangerous, but also exciting.

12:50 - Not looking as bad as I had feared thus far, but helping to demo security automatons and weapons is dangerous in its own right. Stopping to think about things, I guess Luz being human has never been that big of a deal. Though, maybe her performance here will spark unsavory interest in her

13:14 - Team Fortress 2 reference? Almost vaguely shaped like the sticky bomb launcher. Could easily be a coincidence.

13:38 - Oh! Willow has two dads!? Did we already know that from season 1? I certainly don’t recall it. Very cool regardless.

14:20 - My immediate thought is to try doing all of it at once. Though, I guess Willow’s sneaky approach isn’t exactly compatible with Amity’s.

14:51 - A good ol’ crossbow with non-functioning limbs just to bother anyone that notices

16:05 - Yeah okay, so Odalia planned for this to be Luz’s execution.

16:31 - Wonder what kinds of gasses would be piped in a magical arms production facility. Quite possible that it’s just for visual effect, but still makes me curious from a worldbuilding perspective

16:58 - “My Luz” you say Amity? I like it.

18:30 - You go Amity!

19:37 - Hmm, Alador seems to have more control than initially presented. In context, it suggests that he might be someone to be trusted, yet he still is fine with pushing Amity for “success”. He certainly doesn’t show any interest in Amity making friends, which only happened to be beneficial here.

And he’s immediately back to being an easily distracted goof. Maybe it’s not a persona per se, but I can imagine him being far more threatening than this lets on. We already know for a fact that he’s competent at building powerful abominations if nothing else.

21:18 - Of course the state is purchasing all of the weapons.

[wellward-a]

so, i just wanna talk really quick about mary and neurodivergence. i see her as definitely coded as neurodivergent, as either ADHD or on the autism spectrum, even if the writers didn’t intend for her to be read that way; even if they only were trying to communicate that she’s weird or strange or other.

mary evidently doesn’t have a strong interest in social norms.

she dresses in ways that are not incredibly feminine, flattering, or with-the-times, shapelessly and in somewhat unique combinations. this is so typical of neurodivergent women that dressing strangely or sloppily is literally included on symptom lists.

she lives alone and (as far as sabrina knows in s1) unpartnered in a time when the expectation for women to marry and have families is HIGH and has been HIGH for decades. of course single women have always existed, but it’s socially unusual and stigmatizing for a woman in her 50s to have never been married.

see below for mary’s interests, which are also different from the norm.

mary has strong interests that seem weird from the outside.

the scary painting on her wall. the grotesque fetish doll adam brings back for her. the eyeball ornaments she has on her desk at school. her extensive library of occult books.

it’s incredibly common for people with ADHD and autism to develop specific, intense, niche interests that might seem odd or unusual from the outside. autistic people usually call these their “special interests.” ADHD people have coined the term “hyperfixation” to describe an adjacent phenomenon they experience.

mary doesn’t always seem socially On Point.

she’s sweet but a little awkward with sabrina and the gang at the movie theater. she makes the decision to bring lilith back to her home rather than directly to a doctor or the police. their conversation that follows is tinted with anxiety and stiffness.

autistic and ADHD people both struggle, for a variety of reasons, with being socially Normal. impulse control, difficulty with reading the tone of a social scenario, issues with knowing what’s appropriate or inappropriate to say, problems with interpreting body language, lack of fluency in connotation and metaphor... i’m sure i don’t have to go on.

i haven’t come down on What She “Definitely Is” because i truly don’t know. i’m trying to move my way toward that headcanon over time, rather than rushing it. (i also don’t link ADHD and autism arbitrarily; there is a great deal of crossover and similarity in symptoms, and it’s possible that as conditions, they’re related.)

i bring all this up to say that, while the show might take her in a ~darker~ direction at some point (i recall people suggesting she might be a witch hunter, or a killer, etc), they’re foreshadowing that possibility by suggesting mary is neurodivergent--an ableist thing to do, and not something, imo, we should lean into. suffice it to say that if they launch some kind of “MARY’S A SERIAL KILLER!” plot twist next season, i’m splitting from canon 100% rather than just by 85%.

[the-astral-clocktower]

do all the questions !!

All the questions? Sure, why not? Insomnia is making me its bitch anyway1: How did you choose your name?- originally I was gonna go with Lilith from Borderlands 2 because yes please to her entire aesthetic, but I decided to go with the more "normal person" name Maria. Partly because of the lead singer of In This Moment, Maria Brink (absolutely gorgeous, phenomenal singer, and the Black Widow album helped inspire me to live true to myself), and Lady Maria from Bloodborne (she's got a Tragic Backstory, feel disconnected from family due to traditions/ environment, and has regrets about who sent was). All in all, one is a person I admire to be like and the other feels like I'm looking in a mirror. Both are also women with blonde hair and I think I look damn good as a blonde2: What gives you the most dysphoria? -Facial/ body hair3: Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?- Most of the time, physical dysphoria. Social dysphoria still gets to me because I'm not out to my family and everyone in that group refer to me with childhood nicknames/ my "(grand) son/ nephew." 4: What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?- Shower, shave, lie in bed and dissociate while playing mindless games on my phone 5: What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?- this is actually a hard one for me to answer. I was (in a weird/ sad reality) really sheltered as a kid, in the sense that I didn't even know transgender people were a thing until High School. I think part of it started when I began playing runescape in middle school; I chose a female avatar and went with a generic female name whenever someone in game asked for it. For some reason, I really enjoyed being addressed like that but chocked it up to being like 12. Similar thoughts came up again in HS when I was told on several occasions and by several people that I'd make a pretty girl; again, I took it as a compliment and it made me feel really good about myself. Other times were also when I was asked "what would you do if you suddenly woke up as a girl?" my answer was usually "go back to sleep and go try on cute clothes" and also being super jealous of girls at school dances (wanting to wear the gorgeous dresses/ heels/ makeup)6:When did you realize you were transgender?- January of 2014, when I had read on Tumblr about Leelah Alcorn. It was extremely depressing to read her letter and diary entries about her personal life; while reading everything, I kept realizing that I felt almost exactly the same way she did, and by extension that I was also trans7: What is your favorite part of being transgender?- just being able to feel comfortable in my own skin, and also getting to wear all the cute shit I wanted to in HS8: How would you explain your gender identity to others?- the people I have come out to, I simply as them not to use he/him pronouns because I outright don't identify as such. It's pretty simple9: How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?- at first, I only told people when we were able to talk 1 on 1. As I've gotten more comfortable with my identity, I gladly come out to people that I'm comfortable around. I still need to come out at work which I'm avoiding for 2 reasons. The first is that I don't know how open-minded/ accepting my coworkers/ boss are; the second being that I want to get on hormones so that there's no turning back on what I say and how I feel10: What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?- haven't done anything with breast forms yet, probably gonna be uncomfortable though 11: What are your experiences with binding or tucking?- tucking is a hassle in general. It either falls apart quickly, or I ended up sitting down or walking wrong and hurting myself. 12: Do you pass?- I highly doubt it atm13: What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?- optimally I want the full 9 yards. Hrt, permanent hair removal, SRS, and possibly feminizing facial surgery 14: How long have you been out?- I'd say close to 3 years15: What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?- only he/him and that's due to being oblivious for so long16: Have you ever experienced transphobia?- yes. A lot of internalized transphobia; but there have been a few times where someone will show me something they find funny, and it turns out to be in extremely poor taste17: What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?- I prefer gender neutral bathrooms, so I ended up holding it in for longer than I should18: How does your family feel about your trans identity?- don't know for sure, but probably gonna get disowned to some degree19: Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?- I don't plan on being 100% stealth, but I'm also not going to hide anything out of fear. Kinda like Don't Ask Don't Tell, I'll answer truthfully, but I won't go out of my way to explain it all20: What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?- "you know those weird thoughts to get from being addressed as a girl and the happy butterflies in your gut? Roll with it, tell someone that you want to see a Dr about it. Be prepared for a ton of BS, it'll be worth it in the end. Stay strong, kid"21: Why do you use the pronouns you use?- mix of "why should I be addressed by something that makes me feel like shit?" and "fuck off with this binary shit"22: Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?- maybe, I think my gender compounded the divergences that were already there 23: What’s your biggest trans-related fear?- safety. So many trans people are attacked and killed that it makes me hesitant to even bother. But I'm known for being stubborn and having a devil may care attitude 24: What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?- I've come out to 90% of my friends and I've got a therapist that's willing to write me a letter of recommendation to get me started on HRT. I'm currently looking for a DR in the North Tx area anyone knows one25: What do you wish cis people understood?- gender identity =/ sexual orientation 26: What impact has being trans affected your life?- it's made me rethink how I view issues in the world, but also more cynical 27: What do you do to validate yourself?- look at my ugly mug and the mirror after a hot shower and say "you're a boss and bitch, don't let up now"28: How do you feel about trans representation in media?- we need significantly more accurate portrayals29: Who is your favorite trans celebrity?- off the top of my head, I only know of Laverne Cox, so she's #1 by default 30: Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?- Leelah Acorn, the tragedy of her death allowed me to realize why I was so miserable for so long 31: How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?- not much, if at all. I'm not super big on communities but that's only due to trust and self image issues 32: How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?- hopefully full femme made and keeping NB/ trans femme33: What trans issue are you most passionate about?- my mind is 100% here ATM because it's 4am, so I can't think of anything other than wanting HRT to be more accessible to people instead of having to jump through hoops 34: What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?- safety first, pride in oneself second35: How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?- I personally don't think it does but that's only because I'm a white person in the 20s36: What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?- none at all37: Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?- fem/ neither 38: What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?- only interested in women and NB people. In my head, I like the theory of being with a guy, but feel no sexual attraction to them39: Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?- no preference40: How did/do you manage waiting to transition?- think to myself "next paycheck, I'm gonna find a Dr and get this train moving"41: What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?- google, tumblr and reddit42f Do you interact with other trans people IRL?- got a friend that I used to work with at pizza hit who's a trans guy. You know who you are ^.^43: Are you involved in any trans-related activism?- not really, but I do want to get involved