#(also yes this means the Return of Gifsets. I am planning on making some as I catch up)

[ladykeyleth]

Y'all, I finally GRADUATED.

I took my last final exam today, and I am DONE. I have been consumed by this for the past few months and I am now officially free. I'm going to spend the entire summer doing absolutely nothing, and tomorrow I'll FINALLY start catching up on critrole.

[justalittlebluetiefling]

i CANNOT believe we haven’t talked about the moment yet what is happening please tell me the things you need to get off your chest like how ‘i’ll see you in the morning’ haunts you

HOW have we not talked about this yet?!?! Oh my gosh there’s so much. I have so many feelings about this conversation.

Uh oh, this needs a cut. Didn’t mean to turn this into an entire analysis of that conversation, but apparently I had a lot I needed to get off my chest.

How are YOU holding up with all this?!?!

I was really worried about you... when you fell. ... This suddenly feels far more serious than I thought it might be.

UMMMMM. His voice?! This whole time. His voice is like... unsteady and rough and he’s quiet the entire time. Fjord tends to be pretty subtle anyway, so quiet isn’t exactly rare for him, but this actually shook him to his core AND YOU COULD HEAR IT. It messed him up so bad that he threw all of his plans to wait out of the window?!

It felt like hell. It felt like torment.

And we have to stop it, right?

I’m emotional about THIS because JESTER?! She lost FIVE YEARS. Not only did she have to see this again, feel it, but she lost five years. And it’s clearly hurting her, but she’s not letting herself worry about it, because there are bigger things to worry about. It’s just the way both of them push their own emotions to the side to be dealt with later in favor of the larger problems at hand. It’s so admirable.

AND HE’S NOT EVEN... okay wait.

I... I may have a... a... a problem.

THE WAY HE CAN’T EVEN SAY IT. He’s so NERVOUS. Because he KNOWS why he’s THERE.

And JESTER. What is it? So fast! She’s so worried! She probably thinks it’s Uk’otoa or Kotho contacted Fjord about Sabian again or something.

I saw you standing on that pillar. It was the first time where I kept myself from... trying to... stop something that was happening TO you and... I didn’t do anything and it’s bothered me.

He has a problem. His problem is that he can’t focus past the fact that something might happen to Jester. THE THING HERE. IS THE EMPHASIS ON THE WORD ‘TO’. “Stop something that was happening TO you”. Like, all of the times throughout this campaign that we weren’t overanalyzing. We’ve made the list a thousand times and I don’t need to repeat them. here

ALSO. Think about how many things in Fjord’s life have happened TO him. He doesn’t WANT that to happen to anyone else. Especially not Jester.

But wait. Like. He didn’t say it, but he really CAN’T focus past the idea that Jester specifically might not make it out of this. The guilt he’s been carrying after the Iron Shepherds. He took all the responsibility of that onto his shoulders and I don’t think anyone realizes that he’s still hanging onto that.

It seems to have exacted a pretty serious toll.

It’s just... his voice! And the way Jester’s face falls!! I’ve been pretty worried about how Jester still seems to be putting up the ‘happy’ facade for everyone and you can truly see in this moment how much it bothers her that she’s lost time.

I want to come out of this and be able to go back to the sea and go back to Nicodranas and go back to where it’s warm and not fucking freezing and...

Me too.

They miss HOME. The poor Coast Kids miss their home. They’re both so sad. But okay. The hilarious thing here? Is that Fjord? Is talking about how he wants to go back. To THEIR home. With HER. And it hasn’t HIT HER yet, because she’s distracted! She has no idea what’s about to happen.

I just don’t know if that’s... I don’t feel as optimistic now.

Me neither. But... I’ll try to be safe. And you should, too. But if it comes down to it, if it means stopping that thing? I want to stop that thing.

AND HERE. What was it he said to her at Travelercon? And you care about people you know, about people you don't know. You cause chaos, but in the end, you don't want to hurt people. You care. This is something that he LOVES about her, but right now, it’s just... okay I’m trying to put this into the right words.

*sharp inhale* I told your mother I would look after you.

Yeah. I’ll be fine, Fjord. We always are.

Continued from the previous thought. HERE’S THE DEAL. Fjord knows he can’t protect Jester from this, no matter how much he wants to. His voice is breaking over that. And Jester’s is, too. They’re saying all these words here, but they’re also NOT. I don’t know. I’m watching the video again while I’m typing this, so this moment is breaking my heart in slow motion.

It’s not even just on Fjord’s side. Jester’s doing that thing right now where she deflects, because that’s what she does and trying to reassure Fjord because he’s never been so worried about her and she doesn’t know what else do to while Fjord is sitting here like we’re running out of time we’re running out of time we’re running out of time. Like, that’s the whole thing. He can see that they’re running out of time on Jester’s face. Literally. It was one thing for him to wait to tell her until after he sorted out his life when they felt invincible. But... out of all the danger they’ve been in before, he’s always been able to follow her. She’s never had to be alone in it, because he was one step behind her. And this time? There was literally nothing to do. He was powerless. He is powerless.

This part of the exchange is so loaded. You can FEEL Fjord about to break. It is tangible on the screen because his voice keeps shaking and he takes that huge breath.

IT’S JUST. He’s trying SO HARD. I always talk about this, but this one specific  time Travis was on Talks lives in my head rent free. The time when he talks about how much Jester’s unconditional and unrelenting support has meant to Fjord and how much Fjord wants to be able to return that. ALL he wants to do is be there for her and she’s still not opening up to him and he has NO IDEA if what he’s about to do is going to work. He has no idea if she’s going to be okay with what he’s about to tell her.

I care very much for you.

Really?

JESTER’S VOICE IS SO SOFT. SO SOFT. AND HE’S LOOKING AT HER. AND SHE’S LOOKING AT HIM.

I’m melting over this moment.

*huge sigh*

Is it because I have chiseled cheekbones now?

It’s the longer horns.

Yeah, it really does it, doesn’t it?

Yeah. It gives you an intimidating look.

YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS?! Jester saw that Fjord was nervous and she immediately tries to defuse the tension with a joke. And he jokes back. Because that’s what they do together. They’re goofy and silly and they comfort each other and Fjord LIKES that she’s strong.

Listen I’ve got clips saved up from my last rewatch because I want to make a gifset of the times Fjord has been openly appreciative of strong Jester and one day I’m gonna do it.

I mean they’re joking around, but Fjord is like, super attracted to Jester and I really love that for her. But it’s MORE than that, because he’s attracted to her, but the thing that won him over was who she is so every time he talks about how attractive he finds her, it’s just icing on the cake. He doesn’t just want to see her, he wants to know her and I don’t know how I got to this point from this section but here I am, I’m not going back.

C A N I K I S S Y O U

OKAY.

I’m gonna hyperventilate again for a sec.

It caught Jester SO OFF GUARD. AND THEN SHE’S NODDING AND THEY’RE SMILING AT EACH OTHER LIKE THEY’RE SO IN LOVE AND IT’S JUST BEAUTIFUL HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO LIVE LIKE THIS

HOW.

Kissing is a lot more fun when you’re not dying.

Jester!!! She brought up the kiss! THEY SMILE AT EACH OTHER AFTER THIS. LIKE. They both acknowledge the “kiss that wasn’t a kiss” AS A KISS. I never thought we’d hear about this again! But Jester’s been thinking about it THIS WHOLE TIME!!!

I love this though. The first time, he kisses her to save her life so she can get them out of that temple. This time, he kisses her, because he can’t stand the idea of losing her.

BUT ALSO. KISSING IS FUN. Jester!!! Liked!! Being kissed! By Fjord!!!

I want them to have downtime so bad. I want them to be able to spend time walking around Nicodranas and kissing and going on little dates and eating ice cream at the Lavish Chateau and hanging out at the beach with Luc. I WANT THEM TO HAVE QUIET MOMENTS.

I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.

This was so cute! This last part might be my favorite part of the conversation. Because Jester got all flustered and FOR ONCE Fjord didn’t get awkward! He was just so RELIEVED to have told her! And she was so HAPPY?! The CUTEST grin on her face! EVER.

I’VE WANTED TO DO IT FOR A WHILE.

JESTER’S GIGGLE HERE!!!!!!!!!!! I love this for her so much. I just do. She’s been SO into him for SO long and she didn’t think he liked her back and here he is TELLING HER HE’S WANTED TO KISS HER FOR A WHILE. Her giddiness is contagious!

And FJORD! How LONG have you wanted to kiss her?! For some reason, this isn’t something I’ve considered when trying to figure out the timeline of Fjord’s feelings. When is the first time he wanted to kiss her? I think I need to go watch all their big conversations again to see if I think it’s any of them. For some reason, I feel like it’s going to be in one of those silly little moments they have together and I’m going to miss it. Do I rewatch the entire campaign for a third time???? Is that what I have to do?

I’m kind of a big coward.

No, Fjord, you’re very brave.

I am very brave, aren’t I?

You are.

Jester FULLY believes this. She’s just smiling over at him this whole time. But he looks down. Because he still doesn’t think he’s brave. Or he’s brave enough for most things, but there’s ONE THING he knows he can’t do and that’s let her go and I’M. 

Is this all just speculation and guessing and me making stuff up? Yes. Do I care? No. That’s what his face says to me in that moment.

ALL WHILE JESTER IS JUST SO HAPPY. She DOES think he’s brave and she thinks he’s amazing and he just kissed her and it’s not how she thought it would happen, but IT DID and it was so meaningful.

We could get cats and just flee.

I need to get the whole dialogue for this, but I’m tired tbh and I need to sleep, so I’m gonna focus on this last part. How they’re talking over each other to joke around, but it’s really smooth and flows really well between them. But right before this you can still see how heavily the upcoming trials are weighing on them. They feel a little better about EACH OTHER, but there’s a very real possibility that they’re about to lose each other, but they can take this ONE moment of hope?!

And I just love it when they joke around with each other to try to make each other feel better. They’re so good to each other. 

I’ll see you in the morning.

God, the way his voice is just ROUGH and small and quiet and he DOESN’T WANT TO LEAVE and they just SMILE AT EACH OTHER and they’re scared of what’s coming but THEY KNOW THEY LIKE EACH OTHER and they’re SO HAPPY FOR THIS MOMENT. 

And the soft way they say goodnight to each other!!!

THEY!!!!!!!!! make me want to walk into the ocean. In a good way. I SWEAR I CAN’T WITH THIS.

And then the way Jester sighed and giggled after Fjord left! And I can see her leaning back against her door and sighing and looking up at the ceiling and just..... SO. HAPPY.

She doesn’t even ask for a cat cuddle pile!!!! She just stares at her unicorn until she falls asleep. SHE DOESN’T ASK FOR A CAT CUDDLE PILE! 

And then there’s Fjord! Who doesn’t sleep much!

That part makes me a little more angsty. There’s lots of reasons he might be awake most of the night. There are some really cute ones. Like he’s thinking holy shit I just kissed Jester and she kissed me back and she said it was fun that’s good right? And then there are the angsty ones where he could have been laying there thinking about how he doesn’t have any control over the situation and how scared he is. But he did something and he made her smile and that’s all he ever really wants to do. Is make Jester happy. And maybe he made Jester happy in this moment where she was trying to hide that she’s sad. AND THE THING IS THAT HE DID! 

And I’ll leave you with a very short list of random things I expect them to say to one another at one point with no context:

I can’t stand the thought of losing you.

Are you sure you don’t miss the longer horns?

You don’t always have to be fine.

OH. ALSO. 

Get ready for casual intimacy. I’m ready for hand holding. Shoulder touching. brushing someone’s hair out of their face. GET READY BECAUSE IT’S GONNA HAPPEN.

[tick-tick-moo]

In regards to quaking in my boots about TTB! — I'm excited, definitely but I'm also mostly scared 😆

There's going to be so much content and I have already planned at least 1 gifset I'm determined to make from the movie and I'm lowkey scared that I'm going to end up hating the set skxnsknznzmz

Also!! I'm hyping it up in my mind!! I mean,,, It's Lin's directing AND it's a netflix movie so I'm highkey expecting it to be ✨aesthetic✨ and I'm afraid I'm going to be let down if it isn't my taste or something 👁️💧👄💧👁️

But also!! I am hopeful that it's going to go better than ITH regardless because I know nothing about the original musical, which already makes it easier to just enjoy in my opinion

ALSO AAHHH LIN'S DIRECTING DEBUT!!! AAAHHHH

(not looking forward to people needlessly hating on him tho,,, we already know it's coming but I don't want to)

And just skbdjsjsbdhskbdjdjs I look up to Lin as a creative person and I'm so e x c i t e d to see interviews— or literally just anything— that explains his process on how he tackled this project dkdnndnsmdjksns I wanna see if there's anything I can steal for my own processes lmao—

# going through it

I am the inverse of that! Mostly excited and a little scared. I know he will have found the best way to tell the story. And oh my gosh you are NON STOP. You already have a gifset planned????? Wow! If you hate it, you can always change it!

I have also been hyping it up! I don't think I've got set expectations, but I am definitely expecting to cry and laugh and feel all the feels! LMM is amazing at taking care of his audience, it's part of what makes his musicals so engaging.

I hope that, no matter what, there will be something that lets you find a way "in". Art is cool, and I genuinely think you would like some of the music (I don't think all of them are to your taste, from what I know about what you like, so I can't say for sure hehe).

And yes! I hope you like this one better than ITH! Having a clean slate definitely helps.

AND YESSSSSSS HIS DIRECTORIAL DEBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT I AM SO EXCITED FOR THAT ALONE!!!!!!!! I love TTB and never would have imagined that my favorite composer/lyricist/etc would be directing it. I am so excited, I feel like he has the right mix of everything for it. Apart from the love and respect of Jonathan Larson and amazing talent for storytelling, he has had bits and pieces of experience with directors and that process (Mary Poppins Returns, HDM, Timothy Green, plus he's worked w/ Tommy Kail a bunch and I'm sure he gave LMM tips).

Haters gonna hate.... Same as the fans who love everything he does without actually seeing what he's doing, there are always gonna be haters who are not gonna like anything and find a 'flaw' no matter what. LMM is a really well grounded person, I just hope that others don't ruin the movie for people who just want to enjoy it.

I am also excited for interviews!! I also want to see more of Alice Brooks and the cast. PLUS Alex Lacamoire, Bill Sherman, AND Kurt Crowley were music directors(I think that was the position). I admire all three of them as composers/arrangers/ orchestrators, so I am very excited to see what they've done.

LMM always gives the best advice, I love seeing his visits to schools and stuff because the "what advice would you give to the students" question always pops up and I take it and stuff it in my Box Of Important Info™

I hope that you'll be able to watch the movie in peace!

#gettingthroughit

Thank you for visiting, Serpzie!

[amwritingmeta]

I am just thinking about how it was such an asshole move to have Lucifer call as Cas and see Dean rush to the door and then not bring Cas back to life. That was something I forgot about until right now when I saw a gif of that scene

Hey, love!

Yeah, listen, I hear you, but I also reblogged a gifset the other day that so perfectly outlaid how Lucifer’s ruse is actually an underlining for what Cas means to Dean, because every other time Luci has used the “let me in” line it’s been in conjunction with showing up as the romantic counterpart of the person he’s trying to manipulate. Not that person’s best friend: their girlfriend or wife. Aka their the love of my life person.

Dean loves Cas back and this fact is shining so brightly in the subtext. It makes me all shades of thrilled and excited and joyous to even think about it!!

Is the omission of Cas from the narrative for the rest of that episode a little bit weird? Yes, it is. It would’ve been so easy for Dean to have one line to Jack our New God asking “What about Cas?” and Jack telling him “He’s at peace.” It’s very strange given how the episode started, with Dean demanding of Chuck to bring Cas back. It seems the perfect bookend moment for Dean to not demand of Jack, but simply ask. 

However, no matter how at peace Cas is, Jack knows not to leave him in the Empty, because Cas doesn’t belong there, so having Dean ask about Cas and for Jack to dismiss the question (and Dean’s inherit longing to have Cas back that always accompanies Dean’s focus on Cas) with some airy statement, only for Jack to go get Cas the hell out of the Empty, but without sending Cas straight back to Dean, would’ve seemed even more OOC for Jack when we get the reveal that, actually, Cas is alive and with Jack and their off on a father/son remodelling of Heaven adventure tralala. Selfish, Jack. Right? :P

That scenario would’ve required proper refrigerator logic, yeah? Like... what was Jack’s actual motivation for keeping those two apart then? Since the subtext is telling us so strongly that they belong together! Wouldn’t Jack know? And after everything Dean’s been through, wouldn’t the best reward be to have Cas back in his life? What sort of God does that make Jack exactly?

:P

What we get is Dean being shown to mourn Cas in 15x19 and omg do we have Dean wanting Cas back - there’s zero rejection due to the declaration of love, there’s as ever that focus on saving Cas, getting Cas back, nothing’s changed - and Dean all with the hope that Cas will show up, indicated by how he reacts to that call, and based in how Cas has always come back to him, only when it turns out that the caller is actually effing Lucifer, Dean’s immediate hope dwindles, and then, Dean’s facing Jack our New God and... well, why doesn’t Dean ask?

I think it was the only way to not have Cas back immediately, because Dean asking would’ve meant that Jack either would’ve had to give Dean actual hope that their separation wasn’t permanent, giving a less airy response than “He’s at peace” (because Jack knew that he was going to bust his dad the fuck out of eternal sleep in nothingness), or Jack would’ve had to grant Dean the reward of having Cas returned to him.

And neither option really worked with where Dean needed to be in his arc.

Well, to my mind, anyway.

Which was in acceptance of Cas’ absence. Acceptance and letting go and all the adulting that comes with moving into self-worth and a real sense of identity and letting go of the past to make way for the future, which was done very much in preparation for the letting go of Sam.

Letting go of the past and making way for the future was most clearly expressed in how Dean states that the pain of losing Cas and Jack will never go away, but not living would mean their sacrifices were meaningless, and so on with living he goes.

And the reward for this, for having integrated, for his self-actualisation, for being ready and open for whatever happiness comes his way, isn’t his sudden death - because that moment is given to him by the narrative as the final piece of the puzzle on his journey towards shaking off all that eternal sense of responsibility, and knowing peace - instead, the reward is finding Heaven remodelled by the love of his life, who has learned as many lessons on their joint journey as Dean has, and has been hard at work to make the afterlife what Dean truly deserves.

It’s a gift, Dean. 

Making the moment of reunion linked to this, rather than Dean asking for Cas back from Jack, makes more sense, because Dean needed to properly let go of his need of Cas, and make way for his want of Cas, for his love, that doesn’t need Cas’ presence to validate it, but that just is, because it’s not in the having, it’s in just being, and I would say Jack is the type of God that knows that, and that knows that the reunion shouldn’t take place on Earth, but in Heaven. Especially in the Heaven that he’s about to create together with Cas.

And yes, it’s a bit sad that we weren’t given the brothers having a somewhat longer conversation about Cas, about him professing his love etc. but it goes with the tone of the finale, and I know we can look at it as though the love story was scrubbed clean of the narrative and yes, it does suck that it was consigned back to the subtext, but it’s still very much as present as it always has been. 

Especially thanks to what’s come before: 15x18 being completely structured around couples in love losing one half and then this gentle callback to Lucifer’s pattern of behaviour when manipulating people by posing as the love of their life to gain their confidence. 

There are little holes, I know there are, within the surface of the text of 15x19 and 15x20, but the logical way of filling them in is, to me, right there. Right in the narrative itself. You don’t have to go far to find them. Does that mend the holes of the textual impression of these final two episodes? No, not entirely.

I still wish Charlie and Stevie had been brought back as a statement, because I do understand the feeling that every queer character just up and died and it’s ridiculously careless, to my mind, to leave it to the subtext to ensure us they were of course brought back with everyone else by Jack.

And I’ll never understand why we didn’t get it stated that Eileen is Sam’s blurry wife. I mean... that wouldn’t have taken any effort whatsoever and would’ve meant a whole lot, so idk. Did it just not mean a whole lot to the writers? Just seems so weird. 

Look it, we have Dean mourning Cas (via drinking and coping mechanisms), and wanting Cas back to the point of being ready to just up and die himself AGAIN (and being FURIOUS still, even though he admitted his anger got him and Cas into that room to begin with) but even if Dean kills Sam or Sam kills Dean or they kill each other, well, God had better fucking bring Cas back!! Which is like okay, calm down, Dean, this is exactly where you shouldn’t be in order to get Cas back, so, yeah, no wonder Chuck didn’t even respond to that demand.

Was it cruel and unusual to have Lucifer call Dean on the phone like that?

Yeah, it was, but it was also, in a way, if you want to look at the narrative we have and it is, end of the day, the narrative we have, a wake up call for Dean. After that he moves into teamwork mode with Sam and Jack and together they hatch the plan, the con, to defeat Chuck, and they succeed.

To me there’s threading there that emotionally resonates and makes a whole lot of sense for Dean’s arc. This final leg. The letting go of it all. The acceptance. 

And so that’s what we get in 15x20. No more coping mechanisms. Just living life to the best of his ability, honouring Cas’ sacrifice, recognising he’s going to have to live with the pain of the loss, but he’s willing to do that, because he no longer feels he doesn’t matter, or that what he does doesn’t matter, because it mattered to Cas, and that has just finally brought his sense of worth into actual stark relay and he trusts it now. He trusts there’s more to him than being the weapon. 

Cas took away Dean’s reason for his self-hatred and held up a mirror and said See yourself the way I see you. And so Dean does.

It’s beautiful. (literally) :)

Anyway, I just ramble on, but I hope that it explains why I see the good in the heartbreak, and how that heartbreak has left us with an ending that is wide open to a happily ever after that is setup by 15x18 and underlined by 15x20, and by that slow half-smile from Dean at hearing Cas is in Heaven too. That Cas is out of the Empty and free. That he’s the architect of Dean’s happiness. Because of course he is. 

Of course he is.

:)

xx

[i-am-just-a-kiddo]

2020 content creator review

i was tagged by @vishcount as usual, thank you  💕  i answered the questions below the cut, and everyone that is tagged is there too, if you just wanna skip my ramblings and go straight down there.  (also gosh i hope all the links work rip)

1. first creation and most recent creation of 2020: 

this lan wangji oneshot, apparently. i can’t remember when i actually wrote it, but my ao3 tells me i posted it in january 2020. i remember i just wanted to explore lwj’s time of mourning and dive into his mind of that time, even if it made me eternally sad?

my most recent 2020 creation that is public, is the second chapter to this casmund/edmund character study fic i started writing in 2016. i did not expect to return to that but rewatching the narnia movies did that to me. i guess it’s one of those ever-returning fandoms

2. one of your favorite creations from 2020: 

my niemo (nie huaisang/mo xuanyu) fic, no question. diving into this, i fully knew that this pairing probably has a tiny audience and honestly, i did not expect to churn out 30k for them. god. am still suffering because why the fuck did i do that to myself (and everyone reading). thank you vishie for standing by me all the time.

3. a new style you tried this year and a gifset edit that uses it: 

my historical taegi AU set in silla korea - i don’t think it’s actually a new style writing-wise, but it was an entirely different process of creating. i did a week of only research, diving into amounts of academic texts and sources to figure out my frame and setting. it was so much fun and in the end, with everything i learned, it felt like the fic was only just the ‘by-product’ of my research. though i must say, writing the story itself was challenging in a very different way, by that i mean that the characters made me furious and yet i had to write it like that cause i like to suffer :) 

as for gifset, am not sure? i can’t think of any so i am just linking the daechwita mv cause it’s iconic. i guess this mv is more joseon inspired, while my setting was silla somewhere between the end of 7th and beginning of 8th century; but it was the final straw to finally make me write that historical taegi au i always wanted to write with hwarang tae. also this mv inspired me to have yoongi as a tyrannical king cause why not amirite?

4. a creation to be proud of: 

my wei wuxian oneshot during burial mounds; i had a lot of fun writing him and projecting all my nightmares onto him. i went in without a plan and ended up with something i am actually quite proud of? it gave me so much space and room to just...pour out my words and not worry too much about anything else. 

5. a creation that took forever: 

my post-canon wangxian adventure or qinghe chaos, as i lovingly call it. i think i started writing it in november 2019? not entirely sure about that, i only know it took ages. i wanted to create a whole new political environment, as it takes place somewhere around 70 years after canon (they wanna be immortal, shut up) and it was fun thinking of new challenges and new obstacles that face the new generation of cultivators. unfortunately i did not have the capacity to write a full blown political conflict. that’s why i never really incorporated all my thoughts into the story itself, but hey, if anyone has questions i have notes (and vishie, once again, is the most blessed person to plot with me, ily)

6. your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: 

am gonna measure this by kudos on ao3 in that case, which would be the aforementioned lwj oneshot Cold Moon, Long Nights Moon. I feel incredibly fond of it and i’m really happy that people liked it. it feels special somehow and i just want to thank everyone who read that and liked it.

7. a creation you think deserved more notes: 

oh i wrote many fics that year for smaller fandoms, which makes me grateful for every single feedback i received. i think i had hoped my previously mentioned historical AU would receive more, but it’s okay because i still loved it. 

another one is this princess sook myung/ah roh fic that i wrote for my ‘make hwarang gay again’ series. i finally finished this show and it furstrated me so much - the gay potential that went to waste, the horrendous writing for female characters. i liked the chemistry between ah roh and the princess, and yes i get it, it’s a rare pair and this fandom is kinda dead, but. the girls deserve their shine and love (though still, i am grateful for every single kudos i receive and i am still proud of it)

8. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: 

i joined many new fandoms this year for which i wrote, but i want to mention my shang xirui character study for winter begonia, because it was very interesting to explore that? and i had fun too, it was one of the first things i properly wrote after my hiatus, so i felt quite proud. also once again, this fandom has way too little content and the show is underrated. 

9. a creation you made that breaks your heart: 

i wanna mention two here. first is this wen ning & song lan oneshot that was a pure joy and also very sad to write. i just love these two so much, and i love them together even more. i have many thoughts how much comfort they could give each other and believe me, i have many more that i want to explore in the future. 

the second one is the mu nihuang & xiao jingyan oneshot i wrote for the nirvana in fire gift exchange 2020. it broke my heart, but at the same time it felt like something was healing too? it hurt at the pain both characters go through, but i also felt fond that maybe, they were not alone.

10. a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: 

hmm there are a few, i mostly want to mention my fei liu character study? it has no plot or anything, it is just an exploration of his mind and thoughts, which was an absolute joy to write and somehow so easy. 

i also quite like the yyy series i started - maybe i can write more for these two because they somehow give me the feels.

11. a favorite creation created by someone else: 

alright here we go folks:

first i want to mention my dearest @vishcount because newsflash!!! i am the biggest fan. of course i need to mention your wondeful, stunning, breathtaking masterpiece that is your xicheng novel (and yes it is a novel, i say so). it is still ongoing and you started it in 2019, but i need to mention it here because it truly is something that is lifechanging. i feel so blessed that i get the front seats and vip access to all the updates, to all your thoughts and ideas. you go through a lot with it and i am never not proud of you ❤️ another one i want to mention is this wei wuxian & mo xuanyu oneshot you wrote for me because i am still crying about it. i have no words.  honourable mentions: your easter islanders (lan wangji and jiang cheng) and this xicheng soulmate au 

another creator i want to mention is @the-cloud-whisperer and their nirvana in fire fic Heroic Woman（烈婦） , which is absolutely wonderful.  i found you through your ATLA fics (which i adore) and saw you posting about nirvana in fire and this year, finally, i watched the show and was blown away. i love your other NIF fics too, but this one feels very special because i always thought li yang’s character was so incredibly fascinating. thank you for writing this 💕

for more other creations just look at my bookmarks on ao3, there is the untamed, nirvana in fire, yyy the series, hwarang, winter begonia and original sin (from 2020 and many more if you scroll further) please give everyone i mentioned love!!!!!

12. your favorite content creators and blogs that you appreciate: 

oh boy here we go. once again @vishcount, @the-cloud-whisperer, @intyalote, @sassyassassy, @isabellaofparma, @passionpeachy, @finny-red, @guzhuangheaven  @honeyiling, @holmesandwhatson  @bloody-bee-tea, @leoyunxi, @gusucloud, @ohsehuns and many many more that must slip my mind.

all of you, consider yourself tagged in this game and even if we never spoke to each other, i greatly appreciate all of you and i want to give some love. if you feel like doing this, i hope you can have fun!  💕

[thetourguidebarbie]

For tonight, I would like a mini sequel for Chapter 79 to These Hands - the Dancing with the Stars drabble. What happened after their hook-up? Did they have further discussion about their feelings?

Sequel to this which I wrote for @honestgrins. I have another request for a kinky sequel so let me know if there’s interest in more of this universe. No smut in this one though, sorry!

_______________________________________________________________________

Caroline was breathing hard as Tyler put her down and she spun twice, falling into his arms in a dramatic dip. The crowd went wild, and she smiled when she saw the judges also clapping, Alaric standing up in his chair as he looked at them. She reached to wipe her hair out of her face and caught Klaus's eye from where he was sitting by the judges' table, biting her lip when she saw the look of pure want on his face. She cleared her throat when Tyler elbowed her in the side with a raised eyebrow, blushing when she realized that she'd just given someone off-camera sex eyes on national television.

Well, not just someone.

The tabloids had been weirdly obsessed with her and Klaus's relationship for the two months since they'd gone public considering that they were just dancers on a reality show that was mostly about the contestants anyway. Sure, she and Klaus were fan favorites and both of them had been on hot singles lists for the past few years, but it seemed like it shouldn't be that big of a deal. She'd made the mistake of googling them and found gifsets of them dancing before they were dating on various social media sites with alarmingly dirty captions and comments, and she stopped looking after that. Unfortunately, that shot would definitely make it into someone's thirstblog.

She was barely listening to the judges, just nodding and smiling when the crowd clapped, though she did beam when they received three nines, giving Tyler a proud look at his excited face. They were only one episode off from the finale, her second mirror ball trophy firmly within her reach. Tyler had definitely been an underdog at the start of the season, but she'd whipped him in to shape and she wouldn't be surprised if they walked away with the bragging rights, especially since Klaus got eliminated early.

She escorted Tyler offstage to the greenroom, her heart still beating fast from exertion. She couldn't wait to leave, her mind full of possibilities of the filthy things Klaus would do to her once she left, considering the look on his face.

Her mind was wandering during the rest of the show even though she tried to focus on the other dancers, and she eventually just resolved to watch everything on the DVR later. She usually did it anyway to take notes, but she would especially need that observational period today considering how distracted she was. It felt like much too long before she was saying goodbye to Katherine, who she shared her dressing room with, and falling into the familiar pattern of her post-show routine. She carefully stowed her costume for the night in the closet for one of the wardrobe assistants to pick up once she left, and pulled on a light cotton robe, settling herself on her vanity chair to remove her makeup. She looked up from her last lipstick-stained cotton swab when she heard movement behind her, and let a huge smile bloom on her face when she saw who it was in the mirror.

“Hey,” Caroline greeted, pulling out her earrings and setting them on her dressing room table. She made eye contact with Klaus in the mirror, her heart skipping in her chest when her memories of the night before came rushing back. Caroline had recruited him to run through a few ideas she had for her and Tyler's finale choreography, and that turned into Klaus talking her into doing some...other athletic activities. They’d nearly gotten caught tangled on the floor of the studio, having lingered too long for lazy kisses and whispered promises. It was only when a janitor unlocked the door to clean that she realized it might be best to get some sleep before the show the next day. 

All of the fantasies he'd planted in her head "for later" seemed to rush back to her at once when she saw his face.

“All right?” he asked, leaning against the doorway with his hands clasped behind his back. He'd ditched the suit jacket from earlier, and she could see the cords of his necklaces peek through from under the collar of his dress shirt, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

"Yeah. I think it went okay."

"Better than," Klaus complimented, entering the dressing room and closing the door gently behind him. "You made Lockwood look like he actually knew what he was doing."

"Thanks!" she said brightly, standing up to face him as he approached, letting him peck her lightly on the lips before continuing, turning back to finish up her makeup removal, though keeping eye contact with him in the mirror as much as she could. "We practiced a lot."

"I know. And once you get through tomorrow night, you'll only have another week."

"Don't jinx it. Weirder eliminations have happened," Caroline reminded him with a stern look that melted into a smile when he pressed his chest against her back, his arms wrapping around her waist. She tipped her head to the side so that he could press a light kiss to her neck. "Hey! I'm trying to take my makeup off and change."

"Apologies, love. Far be it from me to inhibit your goal of undressing."

"Careful or I might ask you to leave."

He chuckled, letting go of her and taking a few steps back, grabbing the chair Katherine used at her vanity and pulling it over to sit. "Do you have any plans for the rest of the week?"

"Other than rehearsals, you mean?" she asked, throwing the last makeup wipe in the trash and reaching to pull her hair into a high ponytail. "Not really."

"I want to take you out, then," he said, fiddling with his phone as he observed her for any hint of a reaction. "Dinner?"

"I'd love to." 

"Perhaps tomorrow?  To celebrate the only chance you have at getting the trophy since I was so unfairly eliminated?"

"Very funny," Caroline drawled, putting her toiletries in the cabinet by the mirror and turning around with her hands on her hips. "I don't understand how someone who lost can stay so arrogant."

He gave her a dimpled smile. "One of my many talents."

"Ego isn't a talent," she pointed out, reaching into her closet where she kept her tote that held her street clothes. "I am surprised that you haven't pulled out some supposed-to-be-charming line about how you almost hope I'll lose tomorrow so that you have an extra week with me. Kudos for that."

"I hardly think you'd find that charming, Caroline."

"Exactly. Hence 'supposed-to-be-charming'," she said. "And is that what you are? My boyfriend?"

She felt a little silly when she heard the obvious satisfaction in her own voice, but the giddiness of a crush being returned, of finally having Klaus after the agony of being in denial for so long, was an intense relief she hadn't known she needed.

"I should hope so," he said slowly, though his tone had grown guarded in a way she found she didn't like. "I'd take you any way I can, of course, but--"

"Yes. I want to date you," she interrupted quickly, regretting giving him any more reasons to doubt that she wanted him. "Sorry, I was just teasing."

"It's all right."

Her hands were shaking slightly and she stuck them in the pockets of her robe to mask it, though she doubted Klaus had missed the gesture from the dart of his eyes towards the movement. "No, it's not. I'm...I'm sorry. Like, obviously I didn't owe you anything, or anything, but I never exactly said I wasn't interested because I was. Interested, I mean. It wasn't fair to you. I was just like....scared, you know?"

"Of what?" he asked, looking more curious than annoyed. "You can't possibly think that I'd reject you?"

"No, but a little part of me thought you might like the challenge, or whatever. That I might just be a game to you. And then I'd have to see you all the time on the show and that would be awkward, and I love my job, and I didn't want..." she trailed off, realizing she'd been babbling slightly. "But I do like you, Klaus. A lot."

"Do you?" he asked, his trademark jerky dimpled smirk making an appearance.

"Yes. Even though you have an ego the size of a small country."

"And here I thought that was part of my charm," he teased, standing up and taking a few steps towards her, reaching to ease her hands out of her pockets and tangling their fingers together. "I've always fancied you, Caroline. I thought I'd made that clear, but I never want you to doubt that. I'll remind you as many times as you need me to."

"That makes me sound like an insecure crazy person," she said, wincing even as the words came out of her mouth. Saying it aloud only made it sound worse. "Like, I don't want to need you to...to reassure me or whatever."

"You're not a game to me, Caroline. I do not fault you for considering the possibility, but I intend to convince you to put your trust in me and to keep it."

"Good," she said, squeezing his hands. "And for the record, I've always fancied you, too."

[what-you-dont-surrender]

K.E. 2x06 Analysis

The sex scene! I called it! Not going to go too much into this, it was basically what I said to a T so you can read that here. 

I also said the following in a gifset about V watching through the window: 

Okay but, look at her. She’s not crying, she’s observing, she’s calculating. That’s the face she makes when she’s observing and adapting. That slight raise of her head on the last gif, she’s decided her next step. Does it sting? Yeah, probably. And that’s part of her hashing out her feelings for Eve, but she’s also planning. That, to me, is far more important. She did tell him to try it with his wife, it was for a reason. 

The reoccurring theme of "you're not alone" here is perfect. This episode really strives towards letting Eve know that she has Villanelle, they're similar, and only they both understand what the other feels and thinks.

Ew V, brushing your teeth with Eve's toothbrush doesn't count as a kiss, come on. 

V is going out of her comfort zone for Eve! Look at her NOT killing someone, so endearing. And she really does struggle with it. 

V’s apartment:

"Who do you want?" Such a great question to start this episode off on because if there is something V establishes in this episode is who she is. 

She shows Eve all of these people she's been and she can be at will: change her accent, her language, her posture, her demeanor, her life story. But none of them are her and she is all of them. And part of this episode will be about just that, getting Eve to see and understand that V is not one dimensional, she is not just one thing at a time, she is complex and layered; both vulnerable and deadly all at once. 

And then there's the name: Billie - Bill. So is V doing this as her form of an apology or is it a jab? Maybe it's both. 

Eve calls Hugo Kenny, doesn't care for the mistake, is definitely detached from pretty much everyone. 

The Moscow Rules! Apply! To! Their! Dynamic! Too! I love the writing-between-the-lines going on in this episode. 

Villanelle recognizes that Carolyn is also on the spectrum. She can sense Carolyn's detachment from others, her demeanor, and (thought she doesn't know) Carolyn's inability to form lasting relationships. Even claiming she's careful about how much she loves her own son. I wonder if seeing someone like her in a different career, playing a different role, intrigues V. The possibility of a different future perhaps?

Eve are you jealous? You're no longer the "real boss", you're no longer the only one who V knows is like her. Interesting. 

The “us” scene:

Eve chose Niko BECAUSE he is normal; he works as a grounding mechanism. 

She knew when she entered their marriage that he'd never be up to snuff but stayed because she felt the pull of that darker side of her psyche. Eve is now becoming more accepting of it though, she even enjoys it. Hence why she didn't deny V's "us" comment. She's beginning to accept that part of herself. Villanelle, on the other hand, is becoming more insistent and more blunt because she sees Eve's underlying desire to break out of her shell. (Not alone, part 2)

SESSION TIME!

So many layers to this, lets dig in. 

Villanelle using Eve as her background story to spite her is gold, because yes, she uses it to provoke Eve but also because it places Eve as the patient. The counselor's reaction was super telling, expressing that Eve has constantly placed herself as a victim to those who will not comply to her whim. She is far too "up her own arse" per se, to see why Niko wants to leave her. She's focused on getting her way despite of, or even at the cost of, others, choosing to instead play the "blame game". Even better, Eve is forced to hear this herself. She hears a counselor and a group of people who have experienced mental health issues express that she's too focused on her self-pity. And while this angers her it also functions as a catalyst, forcing eve to see more and more how much she has been spiraling and that she is, indeed, part of that "us". 

And what does Eve do when confronted with this? She lashes out. If you ask me, her anger is a bit exaggerated, which tells me she's aware that V is right about her but hates having to face the reality. "...this is over...the first rule is honesty..." These lines feel like they're not about the case at all, but have an underlying meaning for Eve. And it shows given V's reaction: "You asked me to come work for you"/ "How can I be honest...?" She’s just as confused, Eve isn’t making much sense. Until things fall in line: "aren't YOU?" which Eve doesn't answer because, yes she IS, she has been playing a different person her entire life. And then Eve does it, she questions V's abilities and we see the tiniest flinch. I love V's lines here because we see her draw a line in the sand. V has lived her entire life authentically as who she truly is. She embraced her mentality and her darkness from a very early age and was not afraid to relinquish all possibility of a normal life as long as she could be true to who she was. And yet here is Eve, someone who has worked to oppress her own nature, questioning her capacity and her ability to perform something that's such a bit part of her identity. And so V places her boundaries: do not underestimate her, do not forget who she is and what she can do. And that last line. It's a jab of sorts. Eve refuses to accept her own nature, so if she wants to be normal then the only thing left interesting in her life is Villanelle. "We'll try again in the morning," Eve won't shut the door to the possibility of a different life, but she needs time. 

I don’t think Eve misses Niko, sociopathic individuals just don’t fare well with major life changes. He grounds her, she knows that, so she’s scared of what she’ll become now.

Session 2! My! Favorite!

So, once you guys get to read my full meta you'll see the breakdown of how I arrived here but for now just know I've diagnosed Villanelle with antisocial personality disorder. She's also an overt narcissist. With this in mind, let's dive in. 

V admits to an inability to be truthful but most importantly, she doesn't understand the concept of it. The why, the how. Reality, and thus truth, is so boring for her so why would she choose to delve into it more than she already has to? This is also probably why she enjoys her work, she gets to suspend her reality enough and focus on a task, serving as a distraction. She probably doesn't even enjoy her work per se, but finds it’s the only way she can allow herself to be who and how she is, as society has no place for her. 

She finds her life both boring and herself incapable of feeling anything. This lack of emotional response to any form of stimuli is a staple for people who're in the APD spectrum. It has been speculated that some people with APD aren't incapable of feeling but simply feel far too fleetingly and their emotions manifest themselves in very low levels for them to a. sense them or b. recognize them. Villanelle has self-awareness and that's a significant feat in itself. She shows a form of frustration or annoyance/displeasure at her reality. She knows there are things others feel, others experience, that she lacks and this state of not-knowing is something she can’t embrace. So she seeks anything that may arise a semblance of an emotion, however small. Her work, staring at her dying victims eyes, Eve; they're all things she chases seeking a sense of normalcy. 

I want to touch on a few details: while we must remember that V is calculative and thus this entire speech is done with the knowledge of Eve listening in so yes, ulterior motive, it is also based on V's truth. While the tears may be questionable and perhaps mostly there as a form of maintaining her appearance as a normal individual while she's undercover there are a few facial expressions that are classic V. Slight facial twitches here and there and then, what caught my attention the most, her searching eyes. "I wake up and I think 'Again? Really?'" Here her eyes search, moving from side to side, as one does when engaged in conversation. This isn't practiced or rehearsed, to me, this is a glimpse into V's mind, into thoughts she's had about her person. "I have to do this again?" And the steel eyes come in, a sense of frustration, of exhaustion, of mind-numbing boredom, takes over her features. 

Now lets take a look at Eve, she's so in-tuned with what V's saying. For one, it seems she didn't expect V to be candid after their last encounter but most importantly, she seems to recognize the sentiment. She is engrossed listening to all the things V expresses she does hoping to feel something, there is a sense of recognition, of familiarity. And this may very well be why V decided to voice such thoughts, stirring that feeling in Eve. A sort of "see? I feel this and I know you feel it too. Isn't it so dull? Isn't it exhausting?" This move is purposeful but it doesn't necessarily mean it isn't honest. (Not alone, part 3)

And then V kills the bodyguard! 

Because what does V do after she opens up every time? She deflects, she jokes, she redirects the attention to any other facet of her person BUT the tiny crack of humanity she just exhibited. Sure, on one hand it’s her way of dealing with this obstacle, in another its a way of showing Eve that she handles things her own way, and it also tells Eve "I am both. I am that person who just opened up and I am this. Accept me as I am, or not at all." We see how detached she is during the kill, how indifferent, showing how no matter what she does she can’t shake the feeling of nothingness. But let’s take a look at Eve too: there's the initial shock of surprise, the heavy breathing, and then she holds V's stare and she begins to calm. V is observing here, perhaps trying to read Eve, was this too soon? How will she take it? And then when she sees Eve cool and collected, head raised high, determined and daring, she smirks and then returns the gaze. "What if I don't really know how I feel?" Man, the soundtrack nails it. 

Lol Carolyn don't care Eve! She knew V would go rouge sometimes.

The Gemma scene! Pretty obvious its Eve being territorial and her pride being wounded but the most important part of it for me was: "Are you scared?" 

My dear Eve, are you mimicking behavior here? It's a lovely sight. It’s like when a lion cub is learning how to hunt, a bit messy but the intention is there. 

Peel's home 

"If it bored you, you must've studied it, so you can at least detail the argument for it." Interesting choice of words here from Peel, bringing back that idea of boredom. 

We can see V struggling to NOT kill someone and it's so captivating. 

Also, Amber SO loved that smack lol

And here we see Eve as her handler! 

Isn't it lovely? Look at Konstantin directing Eve, telling her to give her space, let her cool off. 

Teaching her how to manage V. 

And then we see the chase scene with the girls. Honestly, I haven't made up my mind about this scene because it feels like it's sort of a transitional scene with the next episode so it's up in the air. V obviously scares them to later show up and get them to lower their guard, allowing them to enter a state of comfort. She has a tendency to do that, manipulate a situation to lull the other person into a sense of safety only to strike or get her way. My guess is she's either going to kill those girls or sleep with them as a way to distract her from the failed mission she just walked out of. 

The previews! I'm gonna hold off on those for a bit. For now, I hope you enjoyed this until I finish the episode-by-episode analysis.

[aprincessofdaxam]

So here's the thing. When the Supergirl S3 finale aired, I absolutely hated it. And it took me nearly a year to be willing to watch it again. Because not only was I just flat-out upset because I ship Karamel and because my two favorite characters were written off the show (although at least they have each other - wait, do you hear that sound? It’s the sound of Imra screaming from the 31st century as Mon-El and Winn drive her nuts) ...

But Mon-El’s final scene? With the speech about how for a minute he thought maybe, just maybe, this was his place? Gutted me. Absolutely gutted me. We all get set off by different things, and I kid you not, that scene gave me a wicked surprise attack of homesickness and I literally cried until 4 a.m. (sometimes I hate you and your emotive acting, Chris Wood).

(complete gifset from @the-karamel-blob here)

But you know what, a year down the pike? I don't hate it. Don’t get me wrong. I'm still pretty bitter about the Karamel bait-and-switch, I still miss our outer space stray puppy terribly, and I call total BS on the "it was always a two-year arc" thing, but I actually think it was a really beautiful and meaningful send-off for Mon-El in that moment.

And anyway, it's been awhile since I've written a literal essay about Mon-El and our space puppies so LET'S CHAT. Novel on the S3 finale beneath the cut, for dash prettiness.

(also included: Why I still think Karamel is endgame, why I think Mon-El will be back, what I really think went down behind the scenes, and what Winn's appearance in S5 might mean)

Tagging @peggystormborn and @facepalming-since-chernobyl because why the heck not, you all like character/plot analysis

When Kara first creates her superhero identity, she spends a LOT of time comparing herself to Clark. And others also compare her to Clark - and she internalizes all of it.

"What, Metropolis gets him, and what does National City get? Some rookie superhero?"

"It's funny - that was the first thing he did. Save a plane, I mean."

"If she's anything like him, she's a hero."

"What are you waiting for? Superman would've blown it out by now!"

"Why do you keep criticizing Supergirl for trying to save the city? When Superman started, it was he, he, he. Him, him, him."

"My cousin didn't have a get-out-of-jail-free card when he first started. Neither should I!"

"I was supposed to be the one saving him, not the other way around. How am I supposed to really become a hero if Superman has to keep saving me?"

"If I was in Metropolis, Clark and I could protect the city and keep each other safe. And there's still so much I want to learn from him."

Now, this isn't about whether it's valid to compare Kara to Clark, or about the layers of problems that come in when you start comparing women to men - that's a whole other essay. It's about Kara's feelings, how Kara defines being a hero, and the standard she feels she needs to live up to as a hero. And since this show is built around Kara, Kara's standard for heroism become the show's definition of it, and the standards the other characters in the show should be held to in their various pursuits of goodness in the world, as well.

And that creates a very interesting comparison between Kara's arc through the first two seasons of the show (S1-S2) and Mon-El's arc in the two seasons he's appeared in thus far (S2-S3).

When Kara starts out in her journey, at the start of S1, she is in this headspace where she is constantly comparing herself to Clark. But she learns so much and accomplishes so much and shows so much strength, that by the end of S2, they have moved her to this point in her hero's journey where she is Clark's equal or superior - not only in terms of physical strength (when she defeats him after Rhea brainwashes him with silver K), but in emotional strength, as she chooses the greater good over her own personal self when she has to let Mon-El go. And her status at that point is by Clark's own admission - the person she was trying to live up to all that time.

"I think it goes far beyond 'the right thing.' I couldn't have done it, Kara. I'm humbled by you. Yeah, I'd like to think that if it came down to a choice between Lois and the world .... but I don't think I could."

So how does that relate to Mon-El's journey? Because there are a lot of parallels between Kara's hard decision at the end of S2, and his hard decision at the end of S3. And if, at the end of S2, we're supposed to see Kara as a fully-realized hero, a true champion, then that's how he's sent off as well (I'd definitely argue that Mon-El showed brave and heroic qualities even in S2, even while on a steep learning curve, but go with me here, because the parallel is really meaningful when you get to it)

Just as Kara held Clark up as her bar for being a hero, Mon-El holds Kara up as his ideal and his definition of a hero when he starts off on his journey - to the point where he eventually founds the Legion in her image.

"And whether we're together or not, being near her, it makes me a better person. It makes me the person that I want to be."

"I think we could all stand to be a little more like you. More optimistic and brave."

"I mean, you do that every day. I don't even understand it. You make it look so easy to do the right thing that you wouldn't even guess that it's that hard. But it's hard. You sacrifice a lot for everyone else, and I know I'm beginning to sound like a broken record here, but I admire you.

"I promise I'm going to be the man that you thought I could be. I promise."

You inspired me. So when I founded the Legion, I chose to use you as an example of what we could be. Of what we aspire to be."

"We base the entire philosophy of the Legion on Supergirl. Have you considered that she might have the right approach here?"

And just as Kara faces that harsh decision at the end of S2 that she needs to give Mon-El up for the greater good, Mon-El faces an identical decision at the end of S3. And, just like Kara (who made a decision Superman himself says he couldn't have made, who is a true champion), Mon-El makes that hard call.

And just as Clark told Kara when she made that hard call that he was humbled by her, validating her admiration of him, Kara gives Mon-El her hero's blessing of his decision, too. Now, I don't think these writers are particularly clever or good at continuity :P But they use the word "admire" so consistently between Karamel that I have to believe it's a deliberate choice. Mon-El tells Kara throughout S2, as he's learning, how much he admires her. And his journey takes him to a place where Kara is able to return that word to him, sincerely and meaningfully.

"There wasn't much to inspire me on Daxam." "What about the prince?" "He wasn't worth admiring. But I wanna be."

"I mean, you do that every day. I don't even understand it. You make it look so easy, to do the right thing that you wouldn't even guess that it's that hard. But it's hard. You sacrifice a lot for everyone else and I know I'm beginning to sound like a broken record here but I admire you."

"You wouldn't be the man you are, if you did. The man I admire so much."

(Tacking on to this because there’s plenty of other things to read and link to here - there was an excellent discussion we had a long time ago about Kara’s emotions and reactions during this scene where @emarasmoak and @i-am-aci01 had some great catches)

The other thing that strikes me as a parallel between Kara and Mon-El in those two season finales is the dissonance between the two of them, who have made the hard, heroic choices, and everyone else.

At the end of S2, everyone seems happy except Kara, who proceeds to isolate herself. Alex and Maggie get engaged. J'onn and M'gann are (temporarily) together. Winn and James are currently successful in their vigilante superhero forays. Clark goes home to Lois.

And at the end of S3? Mostly, our characters are happy. Kara says she's decided where her true home is, but knows her mother is safe. Winn is setting off to the future, where he knows he's important and needed. Imra has her sister back. Alex has her new role and plans to pursue parenthood. J'onn has lost his father, but is setting off on his new path. James reveals himself as Guardian. And Mon-El makes a decision out of duty that guts him. @sweeter-than put it very well: "Everyone else in this episode got an optimistic season’s end coda. Meanwhile, Mon-El is leaving the love of his life to go fight a dangerous war. ... [He] is the only character framed as being separated from his ideal destiny, where the destiny and the obligation have no middle ground."

Now we've talked about what this show wanted to tell us here. Are they saying you can't have it all - which, in Kara's case, is an inherently more complicated discussion because she's a woman? That heroes are always doomed to sacrifice? That work-life balance is a joke?

I think what's MORE IMPORTANT though, and the real message, is what Cat tells Kara (and hell, the title of the S2 finale itself). It applies in both cases. It really applies.

"You, my dear, are on a hero's journey. And yes, you have hit an obstacle, but you will soar right over it."

That's the message.

MOVING ON!

.....

I think that applying that statement to Mon-El is part of why I feel so strongly that his story isn't over yet. Because he's on a hero's journey. The story the show was telling with this character was someone evolving into a hero, someone who is a sympathetic character, someone we're supposed to root for. And how could the final picture of him we have at the moment, where he's so sad and so weighted down, be our final picture of that character? Yeah, the innermost cave, belly of the whale, whatever you want to call it, is part of the hero's journey. But just as Kara goes into those depths and then emerges to find triumph and happiness again, I have to believe they're not going to leave another character they spent so much time investing in that unhappy. We're going to see him again, and they'll give him a happy ending. Or, if they can't work out another appearance for him, because we're talking about real people with a lot of moving parts, we'll get some sort of confirmation he's happy (more on that in a second). They're not going to leave him at loose ends if they can help it.

Now when I talk about them investing in the character - think not just about the storytelling, with this slow burn they had going with Karamel throughout S3, but about the level of promotion during that season, especially the back half. They had Mon-El in the CW midseason sizzle reel, and in a number of promotional posters/photos. They built up to the red-and-blue suit SO MUCH, and why do all of that if it was something you were only going to use for a literal handful of episodes? Some of those pieces of evidence, plus the slow burn/abrupt shift storytelling, plus how open-ended they left things with the relationship, makes me call TOTAL BS on the "it was always a two-season arc thing," and makes me keep believing Karamel is still endgame.

IMHO, Karamel has always been written with that endgame-ish type of storytelling - enemies-to-lovers trope, true love's kiss, spending so much time re-building the relationship between them, etc, etc, etc. You all know what I'm talking about. ((And please note, even though this could be another essay entirely, just because I think they're endgame doesn't mean I think neither character should ever be in another relationship again. I think you LEARN things from every relationship you're in, and Mon-El and Kara were both relatively inexperienced relationship-wise when they got together - Mon-El came from a planet of hedonists where he had flings, not relationships, and Kara had crushes that she couldn't really act on because broken noses, amirite? There were things I genuinely loved about Mon-El and Imra. And I'm not freaked about the possibility of a midgame LI for Kara - it wouldn't lessen my feelings about this being endgame))

Anyway - the story they were telling throughout S3 pointed to Karamel reuniting. They really dialed it up through the final episodes with the robot-cockblocked conversation on Argo (actually everything on Argo - Mon-El with the kid and Kara's heart eyes, the double date, etc, etc, etc), Mon-El pulling out the necklace at opportune moments to remind the viewers he never forgot her, Kara’s multiple conversations with Alura about him (there’s a cut scene from the finale, as well, where Alura tells her that love stories are never simple), Mon-El’s conversation with Winn about not being able to lose her again. They point at it, and then do an abrupt about-face in the finale. I really think that they were heading toward a reunion. We’ll never know exactly what happened behind the scenes, and I know people have different theories, but my gut feeling is that they were discussing behind the scenes whether or not Chris would be back for S4, the writers headed toward their planned ending (a Karamel reunion and a relationship in S4) while hedging their bets with the slow burn, and Chris ultimately made the decision to leave late in the game, and so the writers threw the switch in the finale.

Again, this is entirely me speculating, but I think that Chris made the call to leave not only because he's a multifaceted person who had other behind-the-scenes things he wanted to pursue in the field, but because he walks the walk with his own mental health, and we all know there is a LOT of bullshit that flies around with this show on social media, etc. I'm reading a LOT between the lines here, but the S3 finale aired on June 18, 2018, so I'm assuming they were doing some editing and locking down of the things in May. Chris posted this the first week of May 2019. Excerpts -

"Well look at that: it’s Mental Health Month again! And what interesting timing for me, personally… let’s talk about it. This year has tested me in so many ways." "And while you’re at it, use this occasional toxic and negative platform for something positive and good." "Sending love and kindness to everyone, even the trolliest of trolls out there."

BUT ANYWAY.

Faced with the resources they had and the information they had, the writers still chose to leave things SO OPEN between Karamel. The original draft of the finale - which was shared by @emarasmoak + @snarkymonel ages ago, had a line from Mon-El, “Part of me will always mourn that our paths did not align … But I will always cherish knowing you.” That, to me, suggests a much more FINAL goodbye - and that line was cut, in favor of what we got - where there wasn't really a goodbye, because it might not be one. And the ring and the “In case you ever need me” is definitely a door left WIDE the hell open. The ring is a deus ex machina in case they ever want to use the character again.

My gut feeling - and again, with no inside information - is that Chris didn't want to be a regular anymore, for a number of reasons, but that he didn't leave on bad circumstances, and that he'd be happy to do a guest appearance because he wouldn't be walking into an ONGOING shitstorm (especially if it was something toward the end of the series run).

And regarding the other news we're starting to get about S5: I don't think the fact that Winn and Mon-El left together, and we've heard about Winn coming back but not Mon-El, means he WON'T be back. They could be dribbling out information a bit at a time to keep people interested as a marketing strategy - the Crisis crossover is the most ambitious thing they've EVER done, and you know they'll want to keep ramping up the excitement up all the way from now until December. They could have finished negotiating with Jeremy first while they're still working on Chris for that, or for another event down the line. Supergirl has a lot of "big event" potential coming up, between the crossover, the milestone 100th episode, Melissa's debut as a director, and they've got to be thinking ahead down the line to the eventual end of the series. All of those are things they'll want to really build up excitement for and maybe have some familiar faces around for.

I DO believe that Winn's appearance will tell us something about if, or how, they intend to use Mon-El again at any point, however. Look, the two of them are close. I wasn't that cranky when Brainy didn't mention Mon-El much last season - I got the impression they were more coworkers than friends, things were tense between them for a solid chunk of time over Brainy's role in Imra's secret plan, and then there was some SERIOUS snark thrown between them in the S3 finale in a cut scene (as for Brainy's one mention of Mon-El and his comment about "microagressions," we all dissected that here). I will be cranky if Winn, who has always been a close friend to Mon-El and is coming directly back to the story from working with Mon-El, doesn't mention him. But again, I think that mention will tell us a lot about the future of the character. He could tell the Superfriends (and thus, the audience) that Mon-El has reconciled with Imra, or has moved on to someone else (side note - in the comic canon, Mon-El's pet name for ShadowLass is "Shady" and I think that's adorable). He could even have some sort of tragic news about him, which seems less probable to me, because why go through the trouble of bringing him back from the dead in the S3 finale and then leaving things so open-ended if you were going to kill him offscreen? On the other hand, if Winn tells Kara Mon-El says hey, or he misses you (she misses him too!) or if they have some sort of heartfelt conversation about him, then that's obviously a positive sign.

I mean, who am I kidding, I have epic trust issues from their bait-and-switch with this story and I don’t trust any of the writers/showrunners as far as I can throw them and I am about three inches from FLIPPING OUT over this entire situation :P But I don’t feel so bad after some deep analysis.

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

13x20 “Unfinished Business” Mirror Mirror on the Wall, May We Get a Doppelgänger Story After All? - A Dean Heavy “Review” of 13x20 “Unfinished Business”

As the title of this meta/spec already states this episode analysis for lack of a better word will focus on Dean most since him and his arc have always been what interested me most about SPN and lately kind of truly has become the only reason I still watch the show. I will however later on in this piece also talk about the other characters and bits of the episode that stood out to me. But forefront with this piece definitely definitely is Dean.

And to talk a bit more about him and his role within the latest episode I decided to go with the bit captured as the gifset above, because to me Dean’s drinking this episode served as a visual cue not just for the entirety of his mindset within the episode, but more general too and how it may contribute to what lies ahead for him.

We have seen Dean’s drinking become a bit more frequent again the past few episodes, but it has been quite a while if memory serves right that we have seen Dean drink from the flask as earlier in the episode.

In fact, I think the last time Dean had drunk from it on screen was at the beginning of the season during the “therapy session”. To me that actually nicely closes a cycle, because to me it seems that Dean’s depression and absolute readiness to lay his head to rest is at an all time high again after it had subsided slightly after Cas returned. Nothing drove Dean’s tiredness and his wish for things to just be “over soon” home like the ending scene.

If this episode cemented one thing for me, it is that Dean is tired, he is done and he knows that something is coming for him. And not just due to Billie’s ominous words. To me it seems Dean knows more than he lets on and that he has a plan, because to me the whole framing of Dean this episode especially called back to S5 when Dean was about to say yes to Michael. Now, I don’t suggest that that is happening now (could also be Dean’s wound from the AU indeed is causing more issues or he made some other deal or just knows he’ll sacrifice himself no matter what, because he is tired and yes, tired Dean seemed all episode, tired and done), but it certainly could fit with other parts of the episode that served as major Dean mirrors imo this episode.

One of the big Dean mirrors imo was Kevin Tran (btw I think this episode marked Osric’s best SPN performance to date - really he deserves some standing ovations for this). Because while Dean on the surface looks more “put together” and he hides it behind a mask and stance of “annoyance” and “gruffness”, to me the way we see Kevin here is actually how it looks within Dean as well. And Kevin’s entire speech about never having believed in anything until the end of the world happened and everyone around him started to die. And then God chosing him and he not even being able to fathom what that means and how he had hoped that Michael would save the world, but ended up doing the opposite. All of that to me aligns very well with Dean’s own story too. We know that Dean has always struggled with having faith or believing that “good things do happen” and just like Kevin him and his brother experienced that everyone around them dies. And then just in S11 God again chose Dean, told him the world would be save in his and his brother’s hands (even if he left), because Dean is the firewall between light and darkness and Dean too wondered “what the hell that would even mean”. So yeah, to me their struggles here line up perfectly and to me it might hint at Dean making a deal (maybe with Michael or with someone/something else) in which he would offer himself up (compare that also to Jack’s “What’s the point if I can’t keep them safe?”) for the safety of his loved ones and the world. And especially this piece of dialogue here where Kevin is framed as a christ figure with the cross in the back felt ominously close to how the season may end...

That even if the Winchesters may win some at the end, they may lose more [as a brief side note here: tbh I was so angry about Dabb having the audacity to now use this rework of what should have been Crowley’s last words and that were so important to Mark Sheppard and cut them in the end only to bring them back now in reversal, because really to me it shows a lot about what kind of people the people are that are currently running the show, I find it disgusting, but anywho...]

And even though I still don’t think Michael!Dean is truly what will end up being the case I have to admit if they wanted to with the Kevin parallel (And as captured above the amount of halo shots with Dean this episode, the above is just one of many would fit to that - the shot actually also reminded of this one

in 9x21 “King of the Damned” where Dean also “sidelined” Sam to keep him save. So while last episode didn’t give me any feelings on Dean being back to MoC!Dean ways, this decision of his felt ominous and foreboding - I personally think in the end Dean will either yield the archangel blade or the Lance of Michael or will die/be wounded by one of those) this episode to me they laid enough groundwork to assume that maybe Dean has already “made contact” with Michael and agreed to something and offering himself up. Because it may not be about dying as Kevin told Jack, but about breaking a person enough for them to give themselves up due to the guilt they may feel (”You don’t know the things I have done” is a line that Demon!Dean for example used just like Kevin) and the lack of options they see for themselves to go on. And while Kevin dies here not for the greater good, but because he is at the end of his rope, I could see something similar happen with Dean only that it would be more of an action for the greater good (and btw the toy soldier in the AU to me also called back perfectly not just to the one stuck in the ashtray of the Impala, but to Dean himself, who was always reffered to as “a good little soldier”, a “blunt instrument” - really the writing in this regard and how it diminishes Dean as a person, but treats him like an object goes a long way back and fits to the whole vessel theme).

So Kevin’s death here rather rings some alarm bells of how bad it is going to get in the last 3 episodes. [as another brief side note here, I felt it rather unnescessary of them to show Jack’s wings here, because well, we have already known he has them for a while, this just seemed a little “hello causal viewer just so you KNOW” and well, I dislike things of that kind so... Plus: Can’t also say I love that they now also turned Mary’s words to Dean into a new thing here with an angel now watching over Mary (more on her a bit later as well). Seriosuly, yawnnnn, I don’t need that. It isn’t sweet or touching but just ughhh to me, but then again I am just not a fan of Dabb’s showrunning, so...]   And the other Dean mirrors in the episode didn’t make that feeling go away at all, but rather strengthened that bad stuff lies ahead. Because to me the other huge Dean mirror was Gabriel/Loki.

I had talked about the aspect of doppelgängers and the two halves of each person a lot before during the MoC arc and especially in relation to Dean’s arc in comparison to Charlie and Dark!Charlie and it seems to me that entire thread the show revisited with Gabriel going after his “alter ego” Loki. We basically got another doppelgänger story here in which someone has to face a side of “himself” he may not like as Gabriel told Dean about in this moment.

and well, I personally have always headcanoned and hoped the show would go this route with Dean after the mark was removed, because to me Dean was left “in pieces” after that and still isn’t whole again (which is why I always liked the idea of story where Dean puts himself back together again in a similar fashion as Sam did in S6 as I talked about also in one the last asks I replied to). Now, what to me made the Gabriel/Loki thing a possible Dean mirror or rather piece of foreshadowing is (and yeah it might be a bit farfetched, but hey this is spec and it is mean to just throw ideas around) how one could argue Michael or Lucifer are “doppelgängers” of the Winchesters, because they serve as counterparts as vessels so to speak. Looking at Gabriel’s “witness protection”-stunt and the way he points at Dean here. Of course it is meant as “you are right”, but to me this episode just heavily suggested that maybe we’ll get some sort of Dean in “witness protection” as well of some sort. Because why the hell put so much time into exploring this whole deal with Gabriel so late in the season if not to use it in some fashion (okay, of course it could be they don’t do anything further with it lol it is Dabb after all, and so far it also seems the wound was the same thing - both would be a shame if not further used imo)?

So to me there exists potential in a possible doppelgänger!Dean arc at the end of the season, because, well... didn’t anybody else think Loki’s clothing seemed awfully fitting to those we saw from BTS pics of Jensen?

Just era wise... It’s very little to go on, but I could imagine some sort of scenario in which Dean does something really dangerous in order to save the world so that he would need such “protection” (Hell, who says that Dean didn’t strike a deal with the trickster if not Michael or some other powerful being?) and hence the Non!Dean pictures? Even the trickster’s entire conversation with Dean and how he granted Gabriel this protection (if walking away from his family to me would absolutely align and fit with Dean “preparing” Sam for him to not be around for much longer and maybe not due to death, but something else) would fit into Dean’s arc.

In this regard I also found Gabriel’s tale about how he met Loki rather interesting as to me it felt also a fitting parallel to Michael in the cage. Gabriel said he had stumbled upon Loki bound in a cave while hiking the fjords while a snake spewed venom into Loki’s eyes. If you ask me you could also read this as Michael trapped in the cage where he was driven insane by Lucifer (commonly depicted as also the snake). So what if Dean saved Michael from the cage somehow just like Gabriel saved Loki? What if he owed Dean one and they made a deal? In any case to me this whole set up of facing up against yourself or “someone who wears your face”, your alter ego, dark side, shadow self, however you want to call it, could also nicely lead into a Michael against Michael scenario with all of the text and subtext in this episode...

And last but not least in relation to Dean’s talk with the trickster, something that stood out to me again was the topic of “John Winchster”.

It’s not the first time he came up this season and I have always said that Dean would need another “good bye” to truly let his father’s ghost rest (though what are the chances for that to happen with Heaven going out of business - though I suppose they’ll use Jack to power up Heaven again - unless the allusions and revisit of Crowley’s words were meant to put Jack as new Ruler of Hell, which I doubt).

So... I said this before, but I truly think that by the end of this season we will get a JDM scene of some sort - even if it just lasts for 10 seconds. Maybe it’ll be tied to Dean dying/close to dying or being in the veil or tied to Mary possibly dying and seeing him again or just simply due to all ghosts/souls crashing to Earth with Heaven falling lol. Which brings me to the other bits and characters of the episode that I want to briefly write about, I’ll do that behind the cut. But I have to say it seems whatever will happen with Dean, I get the feeling it will be heavy - sad thing is they could have built all of it up better over the whole season - maybe then I actually would have liked at least some of it lol, but yeah... I hope against hope for good things for Dean!Girls. What are the odds though...

Anyway, on to the rest with a few cliffnotes on other parts of the episode I liked/disliked/that stood out to me:

First and foremost I need to briefly mention Mary here and her whole regret/pain/guilt thing. I mean, it’s nice to know she finally realized she made mistakes, but sadly the show ruined her character so much for me that these scenes here where she was all “motherly” just enraged me, because really after this here

I wanted to scream: You didn’t lose any boys, you fucking abandoned them for a whole season!!! So yeah, not a fan of the Mary scenes at all, they felt cheap to me.

Something else I also greatly disliked was the tone shift in the episode between the worlds. I get that they wanted to be a bit Tarantino with everything Gabriel, but really to me this stuff doesn’t work. Not anymore. It just feels like SPN is a parody of itself at those times. And it’s a shame because I actually really loved Richard Speight’s acting as Loki/Gabriel. His anger, etc. was spot on. Though really, him suffering for 8 years... Please, compare that to Dean and 40 years in Hell or Sam with almost 120 years in the cage. Suck it up, Gabriel! ;P

And last but not least for a shot I really liked lol, because, well, Sam and Dean are literally Gabriel’s wings uhm wingmen here. ;)

Other than that I liked the episode. But probably only because of the focus I read into it in regards to Dean which may not end up being anything at all lol. But yeah, Jensen’s acting/my worry about Dean surely carried me through this episode.

[coldflashevents]

Last Day To Signup for the Coldflash Gift Exchange

SIGN-UPS ARE NOW OPEN!!

What is the Coldflash Gift Exchange?

This is a fiction/art exchange, similar in the regards its basically a secret Santa, we just tried to give it a cooler name. You’ll essentially be trading prompts with other Coldflash fans. You’ll provide prompts that your gift giver will either create a fic or art based on the prompt they like best. In return, you will also be assigned another’s and you will create something for them in return.

Please keep in mind when signing up, that if you drop out you may be leaving someone without a gift! So be mindful when signing up for this gift exchange.

Basic Rules:

Please keep in mind, check in’s are mandatory, if you fail to check in at all, you will be dropped from from this exchange.

Works can not be posted before posting date. Any works posted early will not be accepted.

Any rating is acceptable.

YOU MUST TAG APPROPRIATELY.

Minimum of only 1,000 words and there is no maximum amount.

Artists:

Artists can submit illustrations, comics, photomanips, fan videos, fanmixes, gifs, graphics, or any other art medium that can be digitally shared.

With fanvidoes, they must be a minimum of at least 1 minute 20 seconds long.

Fanmixes minimum of ten tracks.

And with gifsets, they must be a minimum of five gifs.

If you any other questions involving types of art or art requirements contact, please either send us a message using the messaging system, or drop an ask in our inbox.

Do we have to fill out all five prompts when signing up?

No, you are only required to fill out two prompts when signing up for the exchange, but the more you fill out the more options your giving your prompter.

You’ll receive anywhere between two and five prompts, this does not mean you have to fill out every prompt you get, you only have to fill out ONE prompt. You only have to fill out the prompt that you like best. But, if you’d like too, you are more than welcomed to fill out more than one prompt, though it isn’t expected of anyone to do so.

When signing up and filling out the prompts you’d like filled, please be specific enough that it’s clear to your creator what you’re asking for, but also vague enough they’ll be able to be inspired by it, so that your creator has freedom to create something awesome for you.

If you do plan to do nsfw content, please make sure you tag it appropriately.

Encase some of you are concerned about sharing your info, this is me assuring you now, any time we do these exchanges, your personal info will be deleted as soon as the exchanges are over. Also, the only info your giftee will be getting is your Ao3 and Tumblr, so that they can gift you your creation of Ao3 and that they will be able to tag you when it comes time to posting.

Q: What happens if I get my prompts but don’t like any of the ones I’ve received?

I am aware that some times this may happen, and I’m going to do my level best to make sure it doesn’t, but if this is the case, I ask that you keep in mind this is a gift for someone.

Q: May I sign up as both a writer and artist?

Yes! If you feel like you can do both, then you can certainly sign up!

Q: Why do you need my email?

This is strictly for sending prompts. So if you wanna create a toss away email because you don’t feel comfortable giving out your main email, that’s totally cool and I completely understand. But I just want to assure you all, that I’m only sending the prompts to your email, because that info is pretty long. Check-ins and confirmations will be done strictly through Tumblr messaging system (unless you indicate you’d rather do it via email, then we can do it that way instead).

Please don’t let anyone know who you’ve been assigned, as this is a secret gift exchange and don’t want any spoilers until the big reveal!!

Pinch Hitters: I understand that sometimes things pop up and life gets in the way and you won’t be able to finish your creation. I ask that if you know ahead of time that you won’t be able to finish, PLEASE contact me immediately, so I can give our pinch hitters more time to work on their unexpected creations, so that everyone will receive a gift.

I’m also aware that sometimes people will drop out with no explanation given, which is why at final check ins, I’ll know if we need to reassign creations to pinch hitters.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO DROP OUT, PLEASE TRY AND GIVE A HEADS UP SO THAT I CAN REASSIGN AND GIVE OUT PINCH HITTERS AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLY CAN BE GIVEN.

Posting: This will be addressed at the midway check in point, when the exchange is actually happening.

As of right now these are the dates for this exchange, but please keep in mind some dates may be subject to change, though I will give as much warning as I possibly can if dates do change. So as of right now, this is the tentative schedule outline:

Signups will open on: April 14.

Signups Close: May 21.

Assignments will go out: May 25.

The mandatory check in: June 26.

Works are due by: July 27.

The Pinch Hitters will be contacted and given assignments on: July 28.

Posting will begin on: August 11.

Please keep in mind, the check-in IS BE mandatory.

If you have any questions at all, either drop your question in the inbox or send me a message, or you can email me at coldflashweeks@gmail.com, I’ll try and get back to you as soon as I possibly can.

The Mod.

[moriavis]

List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, whatever. 

 Tagged by @elrhiarhodan. I saw that I was tagged and couldn’t stop laughing. I have so many wips. SO MANY. I’m putting this under a read more because It’s so damn long.

Tagging: whoever wants to play. I have no idea who has wips these days. D:

*stretches* *cracks knuckles*

Okay, let’s get down to business.

Works in Progress

1. Coldflash Winter Exchange 2017 fic. Fandom: The Flash.

No details on this. Top secret. Going to be much longer than I hoped, I’m sure.

2. Bodyswap AU - Fandom: The Flash. I started writing this for the Bodyswap prompt of Coldflash Week A 2017. This is the story where Barry and Len switch bodies because of a meta, learn to deal with each other’s shortcomings, and fall in love while arguing about who is keeping Barry’s body because neither of them want to wake up with a back ache in the morning. It has one of my favorite lines in it, and I think it’s going to end up a little lighter than most of my stories? Len is definitely more playful than my usual way of writing him.

Word Count: 1,200. It’ll probably end up in the 15k-20k range, because I’ve forgotten what it is to write something short.

3. Squeaky Bed Porn - Fandom: The Flash. I started writing this because I wanted to write a silly sex scene that wasn’t hampered by canon. Len crawls through Barry’s bedroom window after a rough mission with the Legends. Barry wants to get intimate, and Len doesn’t want Joe West to shoot him. This was the story I was writing when I realized I’m bad at writing porn. D:

Word Count: 1,500 words. Would probably be around 3k if I just re-read it and finished the porn. There’s literally no plot. Still not likely to finish it, tbh.

4. Farther Than Everything - Fandom: The Flash. This was going to be my Coldflash big bang before I was overwhelmed with work and depression and stopped writing for a couple of months entirely. Barry sacrificed himself in the Crisis and has been in the Speed Force. When he finally breaks out, he discovers the sun is gone and the world is broken into tribes ruled by villains -- Central, of course, belongs to Captain Cold. This one came out of a dream like, three years ago? It was right after the fever dream of writing BuotI, but I couldn’t figure out how to make it work. I think I’m closer now.

Word Count: 400. It’s literally the first hint of the first scene. This’ll be another long one.

5. Untitled Porn - Fandom: The Flash. Does anyone remember A Cold Encounter? And how, last November, I promised there would be a second chapter of porn? THIS IS IT. Barry returns Len’s clothes and decides to give their thing a try. I have been writing on this for a year, feeling intensely guilty for every day that passed without adding more to it. The first draft is done, so this one is ready for editing and will be posted soon! Yay!

Word Count: 8,100. It’s literally talking and sex. My god, why is it so long?

6. Untitled Hannukah Fic - Fandom: The Flash. This is the next story in my holiday series. I meant to write this for last Hannukah, but, uh. Obviously that didn’t pan out. Barry is having problems hiding their relationship from Joe, so Len takes things into his own hands.I only have one or two more in this series planned? But this one has been giving me the runaround.

Word Count: 400. But I know where it’s going, so that’s something, right? I’m going to circle Hannukah on my calendar this year and get it done by then.

7. i dreamed of snow (I call that loving you) - Fandom: The Flash. Remember that AU I wrote where Barry has two soulmates? Coldwestallen. The story in which Iris struggles to accept the bond Barry has with Len, Len wonders why Barry couldn’t just let him die, and Barry feels like he can’t give either of the people he loves anything they need. TBH, I wasn’t going to write any more for this au? But Barry clung in the back of my head, and whenever I’m not focused on something specific, it’s there.

Word Count: 160. Definitely at the beginning, and who knows how long it’s going to be? Not me!

8. Resonance - Fandom: The Flash. Ah, this story. This is my soulmate AU love letter to coldflash. I haven’t updated it since, jeez. April? But that doesn’t mean I’m not working on it. Leonard Snart meets Barry Allen when he’s 23 and Barry is five. It changes the course of his life. I don’t even know what to say about it, other than I have everything up to season 1 outlined? It’s going to involve a slightly different Legends crew, a different origin to the names Heatwave and Captain Cold, a very different STAR Labs, an angry Eobard Thawne and a Barry who is intensely in love with Len, which is terrible because Len is absolutely oblivious. So, yes. I... may also have elements I want to introduce in season 2? AM I GOING TO REWRITE THE ENTIRE SHOW? I HAVE NO IDEA. Anyway, I’m working on Chapter 6 right now (that’s going to be at least 10k, guys, since everyone’s been waiting so long.)

Word Count: 22k. We haven’t even begun. *_____*

9. Trade All My Tomorrows - The Flash. I started writing this story sometime when S3 of the flash was airing, but it was based off a prompt that joyouslee left me, about what happened to the rogues after flashpoint. The idea behind this one is that Len regains his memories from Doctor Alchemy, so that he remembers the original timeline, where he died -- the Flashpoint timeline, where he was Citizen Cold and Lisa was murdered by the Rogues -- and the current timeline, in which he has never had a sister and has lived his life trying to escape the reach of his father. And he’s willing to do anything to get his sister back. This story will eventually include the Legion of Doom, the Legends, and a fuckton of time travel, as soon as I can get my butt in gear.

Word Count: 6,700. No idea what the ending word count is going to be, for real.

I do have a slew of others that I have in a list and that I don’t have an active word count on yet: The Silent Hill AU (where Barry deals with some serious guilt) the Conjuring AU (where the West family is suffering under a haunting and get help from Lisa, who’s psychic, and Len, who protects her when she gets in over her head), several different tumblr prompts, including the newest one, which would be a new story for the JLA verse. There’s the No Powers story where Barry and Iris are reporters together and Len is a cop with a secret. SO MANY. SO LITTLE TIME. *cries into my hands*

[kanrakixystix]

Current Projects

List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on: writing, art, gifsets,whatever.

I was tagged by @goramidiot

First Full-length Novel

I should be more excited about this. In fact, I was until about a year ago. The premise of it was coming along really well. I had really started hammering out character designs, backstories, locations, doing all of the world building, and had planned it to be a three book series, including on that was going to be exclusively NSFW. However, I happened upon a book at my local Starbucks that shot me through the heart. Someone already wrote it. In the 70′s. Even named it something similar to what I had intended to call it. I haven’t touched it since, but because I donated a book, I was able to take the book. I still have it, and one day I’ll read it. Maybe I’ll salvage it, maybe I won’t. For now, it’s sitting on the back burner, cold. 

First Sentence Drabbles

This will be the last month of writing them for a while. They’ve been a lot of fun though, and I’m so happy with how they’ve taken off in the FFXV fandom. I have a lot of them in my box that I need to catch up with, and I’m still taking a total of 8 more to fill out the rest of July. As of right now, I have 17 requests in my ask box.

In no particular order: 

Ravus/Aranea: 1 Regis/Clarus: 2 Ignis/Aranea: 4 Noctis/Prompto: 1 Gladio/Ignis: 1 Nyx/Luna: 3 Ignis/Noctis: 2 Ignis/Prompto; 2 Nyx/Prompto: 1

I might bring them back after a little while, but for now I need to make time for...

Saving Sunshine

So, there seems to be a little confusion about this, and it’s my own fault. Yes, I wrote a standalone fic with this title that took place during the World of Ruin that was centered around Ignis protecting Prompto until Noctis returned. This drabble, after that, spiraled into the project it now is. Saving Sunshine is now the overall title of the series, with multiple chapters/side stories within it. Each chapter is told from a different character’s POV but has a main focus around Noctis and Prompto’s relationship. Additionally, each of these chapters have separate titles. Hopefully that makes sense. 

Anyway, I’ll be focusing my efforts on updating and completing the story. though ideally, I’d like to wait until Episode Ignis’s release, that’s too long off. I want to tell the story the way I have it in my head while I still can, before canon lore that came out post endgame blows holes in it. I’m so excited to share this story with you guys because I’ve been dropping bits and pieces of it in headcanon asks and other drabbles. I’m not normally proud of what I write, so the fact that I am proud of this...it means a lot to me. 

I’ve also been toying with the idea of making concept art for each chapter. I might dabble in that. 

Other Fic Ideas:

Lunyx/Promptis Omen AU Saving Sunshine Sequel Several long Promptis oneshots

Cosplay

We’re entering the latter half of conventions for the year, and I have my hands full with a lot of cosplay. Right now, I have a total of eight new cosplays that I’ll be premiering by the end of this year (hopefully).

In no particular order:

Trash Party!Noctis (FFXV) Frisk (Undertale) High School Noctis (FFXV) Omen Noctis (FFXV) Stella Nox Fleuret (FFvsXIII) Rufus Shinra (FFVII) Leviathan (FFXV) King Noctis (FFXV)

Also, in no particular order, are the conventions I’ll be at:

MetroCon (Tampa, FL) DragonCaon (tentative; Atlanta, GA) Anime Weekend Atlanta (Atlanta, GA) EXPCon (St. Augustine, FL) Holiday Matsuri (Orlando, FL)

Other:

I also paint and make pearler art, but I haven’t really touched it in a while. I have a lot of ideas, but nothing I’ve put into motion yet. I also make no sew blankets, but I haven’t put them on my Etsy yet. Maybe soon. 

Hmm, tags...

@bev-nap, @chibi1015, @morethanair, @hyperstorms, @paopunova, @jean-the-bean, and @thechocobros

[youremyonlyhope]

Lord Snow

Oooooh... Lord Snow... He’s called “lord” now. Was he always called lord? The first episode is honestly a blur of character introductions then a cliffhanger so I can’t remember.

I had forgotten to take note last episode of how many years ago it was that Ned came back with Jon, but apparently according to the recap it was 17 years ago. BABY JON IS ONLY 17-ISH? HE’S A BABY. OK so he’s talking about witnessing the deaths of Ned’s father and brother, but not intervening. “You just stood there and watched?” Thank you Ned! “500 men stood there and watched.” Oh nah. You’re not using the bystander effect as an excuse. Because that doesn’t apply in this case. If you were a true man of honor (which obviously you aren’t since you’re sleeping with your sister and are possibly the father of your nephew if my theory is correct AND you pushed a young boy to his possible death without a second thought and didn’t even watch him fall) then you would have done something. So basically at this point: The Starks are great, Daenarys is great, Tyrion’s cool, everyone else sucks. It is at this point that I realized that I wrote “Catherine” instead of “Catelyn” in the last post so... I’m just gonna go fix that... “Winter may be coming” ...Does that count... ok since the last episode they didn’t say it at all I’m gonna count that as WIC #4 This Joffrey is a spoiled little brat and his mother is legitimately evil oh my god. I am with Arya on this one. Both Mycah and Lady would probably be alive if Sansa had just told the truth. Like yeah, I get that she needs to marry him and can’t say “the prince is lying”, but still. She could have at least said “When Joffrey started to fight back, that’s when the direwolf attacked him, because it wanted to defend Arya.” It’d maybe make them less mad at the direwolf at least and it’d make Joffrey look a little better since he didn’t actually fight back at all and even when he lied about what happened he didn’t say he fought back. “Arya would rather act like a beast than a lady.” Arya’s eyes were like “Yeah pretty much.” “Winter is coming.” WIC #5 “But now winter is truly coming.” WIC #6 Ned is actually a great father... please tell me he doesn’t die. This old lady knitting is literally me because I’m currently crocheting as I watch this. Nah but seriously, I was sucked in and freaked out by her story about winter too. “She told me the sky was blue because we live in the eye of a one eyed giant named Macomber.” “Maybe we do.” This boy is way too young to be thinking that existentially. Oh yay. A black girl who isn’t part of the Dothraki. And she’s a prostitute of some sort. Yay. TYRION? DID I NOT LITERALLY JUST SAY YOU WERE ONE OF THE ONLY LIKE 5 GOOD PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD? PLEASE TELL ME THAT DAGGER WAS USED TO FRAME YOU OR SOMETHING. I DON’T WANT TO FIND OUT THAT YOU’RE ACTUALLY IN ON YOUR SIBLINGS’ PLAN. Aaaaah. I literally just said “Aaaaahhh” out loud. That guy talking about Jon during the Night’s Watch training is the cannibal guy from the Torchwood episode Countrycide. First I recognized his voice, then I saw his face, and I literally went “Aaaahhh” because apparently that’s my instinctual response to Countrycide related stuff. Oh god. Oh no. Jaime, I am not even gonna repeat what you called the hypothetical war between you and King Robert. That deserved more than a slap. You deserve to die for that. No. I’m glad that Daenarys is taking up her new role and deciding “Since I’m forced to do this, I might as well do it my way.” Viserys or whatever your name is since once again I’ve forgotten it, I’d literally blocked you out of my memory for most of last episode and now you come riding in pointing a sword at your sister. Ugh. “I am your king!!” Not yet dude. Not yet. And not ever. But definitely not yet. I haven’t really had any complaints about the costume department yet, but now– ok wait. I was about to complain about Daenarys having heeled boots and how that wouldn’t be practical for a tribe of warriors even if the women don’t fight and she’s a queen so she definitely doesn’t fight. But then I realized, they’re on horses like 99% of the time so far. So heels make sense. You get this one, costume department. But I’m watching you. “Uh uh uh uh uh. You. Walk.” Yes. At least one whiny brat is getting what he deserves. OK costume department. NOW I have a complaint. The Night’s Watch should all be wearing hats. I get that we want to show off Jon and Benjen’s beautiful hair. But their poor heads and ears are gonna get cold. It’s freezing. Let them wear hats. They have plenty of fur for coats, make a hat. “We’ll speak when I return.” Meaning he’s probably not returning. Is she actually pregnant though? The many spoilers I’ve heard over the years haven’t had anything to do with Daenarys having a baby. Does she lose her baby? “The Starks are always right though: winter is coming.” WIC #7 I remember seeing a gifset from a recent episode (possibly last week’s) of Jon saying to Tyrion that the last time he saw him he was peeing off the edge of the wall. So... are they not gonna see each other again for like 6 seasons?  I love Arya’s sword instructor and I loved that scene so much.

Promo time! Because I didn’t realize in the last few episodes that there were promos! HODOR!!!!! OH NO WAIT. WAIT. I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO HODOR. OH NO. OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO. I’M LIKE 5 SEASONS TOO SOON AND I’M ALREADY FREAKING OUT.

Also I’m only gonna count versions of “Winter is coming” when it’s “coming” and not “comes” “will come” “come” etc. I debated counting two times it was said in this episode like “When winter comes” but decided not to. So now I gotta keep the “coming” rule going for the rest of the time I watch this.

[l0nd0ninnit]

Bonkai Reunion 8x14 (part 2)

Ok, I know you’ve been waiting for an analysis of this scene and I am ready to deliver. I want you all to know that it is almost impossible to convey in words the level of excitement I feel when I write about this scene but just know that with each word I type, there is a smile on my face that can’t be removed. Like this reunion scene is not even close to what I had imagined or would have wanted their last scene to be, but DAMN...Kat and Chris’ acting/chemistry made what could have been a mediocre scene, a scene full of depth and sexual tension. I mean how many actors can make you feel the intangible connection and sexual tension between their characters when they are on opposite sides of a bar?!! HOW MANY?!! I would be lying if I said I only watched this scene multiple times to analyse because the truth is, I can’t get enough of it. So without further ado

Part 2 of the analysis, The Game:

Keep in mind that when Kai sees Bonnie, he is absolutely unaware that she has put him in another prison world for about a third of their conversation. So imagine his perception of the situation when she saunters in the bar and teases  him with cheeky responses which is a drastic change from how she reacted a day ago to his return. A day ago, she wanted nothing to do with him. Now she is actually talking to him in the flesh. And what is more, she has chained him to a chair in a bar (side eye *smirk* smirk*) and they are alone! He is in the spotlight. She is in the shadows and as she speaks, she slowly walks towards him...there is nothing about this scenario that doesn’t seem sexual. It is like electricity. It is intense and there is this constant feeling of anticipation. And not only that, but her behaviour is different in a way that he can’t quite put his finger on.

It has been years yet she is more confident than ever! She is relaxed and very comfortable in his presence. No attempts to chop his head off yet so everything is looking good. Kai is probably thinking wtf is happening? This must be a dream. Of course, by the end of the scene, we know exactly why Bonnie behaves like this, but the above gif is an example of what he is feeding off of.  Hence, the reason he has this look on his face: 

Kai is intrigued by Bonnie’s behaviour and the unusual setting she chose for them to have this chat. He is trying so hard to contain the joy he feels when he sees her with very little success. He knows that she is playing a game. He doesn’t exactly know what her intentions are, but by the looks of it, it seems to be going in the right direction if you know what I mean. ;) Therefore, he is willing to sit back, get comfortable in his chains and let her play it out, because her behaviour in this moment is the reason why she is the only person he still has a soft spot for. It is like seeing her again, after five years in Hell, has only confirmed why she has always meant something to him. 

So when Bonnie says that Hell no longer exists and he responds:

He is not trying to be condescending; there is low-key admiration in that voice and expression. He isn’t surprised that she helps kill Cade but still, she ceases to amaze him. His tone is soft and honestly he views this entire interaction as some kind of mental foreplay that they always do with each other. 

I mean at this point he could reveal that Katherine takes over Hell, but what is the fun in that? Why stop the game when he doesn’t know how it will end? For all he knows, there could be hate-sex waiting for him at the end of this. He doesn’t know so he prolongs it with banter. It is like a mystery he has to solve. 

Oooo what has Bonnie Bennett planned for me today? 

After all, Kai loves games and no one plays games with him quite like Bonnie does. 

His next line of action is to spew out one-liners to feel her out. He wants to get this game going, put some spice in it. Suss out what her intentions are 

And with each line, the sexual subtext becomes less and less subtle:

This line seems innocent enough but it is also unnecessary. Kai knows Bonnie will not let him loose so why say it? Yes, it could be interpreted as him being clever but remember, underneath that banter, there is a lot of sexual tension. I mean Bonnie literally chuckles in response and the camera suddenly (to my chagrin tbh) goes to a wide-shot where we can’t see their faces but we do see all the red and Bonnie walking towards him...so I would infer if this wasn’t CW but HBO, the line would read: Let me loose, and I’ll totally finger blast you. And you can fight me on that 

And then Kai is like....

You know what, let’s stop mucking about and let me get to the question that has been on my mind since you walked in... are you here to 

 ...because I was totally getting that BDSM vibe from you and i’m literally in chains soooo...if that is what you planned to do then I just want to tell you that I’m ready. My body is prepared and I’m ready for you to punish me *wink*

And then Bonnie says 

which basically makes Kai go mad with lust. If he wasn’t hard before, he is definitely hard af now. To Kai, this is Bonnie just trying to outdo him in their mental chess game and the fact that she is using his own method of delivery to threaten him (such as the head tilts and similar facial expressions) turns him on.  In gif form he is like...

HOLY FUCK! SHE IS SOOO HOT! She just took our mental foreplay to a new level! Using my own fears against me...that is something I would do! Is this woman real? I need to up my game 

 *lowers voice a full octave, husky tone, bedroom eyes*

^Oh Bon, you naughty girl. You know that is not possible so let’s stop with the chit-chat and get to the frick frack. 

Look at his facial expression, tone and mannerisms, without any context, what would your caption be?

Does it look like a man that: 

Is turned on?

Is thinking about sex?

Thinks this conversation will end with Bonnie revealing that she created another prison world specifically for him? 

yes, yes, and no. He thinks he is playing the battle of wits, for fuck sakes. He knows Bonnie is smart, but he doesn’t think she would waste her energy making an ascendant when it has been years since they interacted and he hasn’t tried to hurt her. 

As soon as he sees the ascendant tho, he realises he should have seen this coming. All the qualities he adores about her are the very qualities that would allow for this to happen. He attacked her friends and attempted to kill the twins (*rolls eyes* I blame Plec), so of course Bonnie Bennett would create another prison world to protect the people she loves. 

And yet, the shock is still there  He clenches his jaw to maintain his composure, but he is internally spazzing out. Despite their bad history, he thought this would end differently. He knew she was playing a game but he didn’t think it was that type of game (if that makes sense). She made her final move and checkmate him 

The anger starts to appear when he realises that he has been in Bonnie’s prison  world for their entire conversation. And now, each word that leaves her mouth cuts into him like a knife 

He is scared, he is fuming but most of all, he is hurt which is surprising because he is supposedly free of emotion now 

See the look he gives Bonnie and the deep intake of breath^ 

It is as if he is thinking 

Fantastic! We are that Bonnie and Kai again. 1994 prison world Bonkai... we play mind games and then hurt each other at the end of it. She is still punishing me for what I did to her in 6x22. 

And what surprised me is that his initial response is not to return the favour, but to plea for Bonnie to stay. It is true that his fear is to be in another prison world, but his worst fear is to see the only person he cares about, Bonnie, once again leave him like in 6x17. He is far too vulnerable in this moment to think of his next ‘chess’ move or even hide the power she has over him.

It is only a flicker tho He wasn’t suppose to show Bonnie that he cares 

Part 3: How the tables turn 

@bonkai-legacy @albion19 @bonkai-diaries @ohh-my-josh @animelifecx @ms-ss

(None of the gifs used in this post are mine. Here are the links to the original gifsets: X, X, X, X, X. Please take a moment to reblog the original gifset if you haven’t already. It takes time to make gifsets and I am sure the creator will appreciate the love. :) )

Part 1