#(anyway I checked my email and opened my Concerts Near You email and it’s a Bad Idea ok!!! so many I can’t afford or go to at all)

[shatterthefragments]

Look. I’m sorry beloved pianist I would love to see. But I am seeing Halestorm and Evanescence that same night 😘

Also why no transfer for these ones :(

Now I have to meet up with/go over with the people I’m going with and actually be Early (I am. Usually running late) :( and if I can’t transfer they probably can’t e-transfer me for the ticket(s) until we actually attend. I’ll live. But 😬

[twopoppies]

Hi Gina! I’m the anon with the pit tickets and questions about camping from about a week ago. I just had my show (it was so much fun), so I thought I would pass on my experience for anyone else who may be in the same predicament!

United Center was doing the wristband system, and were giving them out at 9am. They said both on their website and in the emails they sent that camping was strictly not allowed, but what happened was the campers just lined up right outside the gates to the property. We got to the line at about 4:45am the day of and there were at least a hundred people (probably closer to 200) who had camped overnight already there. It looked like the majority of people who lined up but were not campers started coming around 6am — I wasn’t paying super close attention, but we were definitely on the earlier side of things. Early on, maybe around 5:15, we were told by the person near us that the person at the very front of the line had “pre-wristbands” and that we had to walk up to the front of the line for her to write down our names and get these wristbands with numbers on them. When we got there the girl said that United had given them to her the night before and she thought it was to help prevent people from cutting in line. The number on our wristbands was in the low 200s, but it was kind of a mess because some people didn’t know to get them and were getting higher-numbered wristbands than people behind them. It ended up not mattering, because as far as I could tell United didn’t even check those bands, they went by who was in line when they came through with the official wristbands. We ended up in the high 200s with those wristbands.

They were super strict about everyone being back in line at 5pm, and you had to be in line in the order of your wristband. I didn’t see this happen, but they emphasized that if you weren’t in your spot but the time they got to you when they came down the line and counted off, you would get sent to the very end regardless of how long you’d waited. After that, we could leave to go to the bathroom/do things in the atrium before the doors opened at 6. Around 6, they started letting the line in in groups of 20. Given how many people were ahead of us I expected to be several rows of people back, but the stage was big enough that most places only had one row of people, so we were extremely close. People were also generally pretty respectful of who got what spot, and I was able to leave my spot in between the opener and Harry to get water and (with a bit of assertiveness) get back to the spot I was in with relative ease.

There definitely seemed to be a “front” of the stage — both Harry and Jessie Ware (the opener) seemed to spend most of their time facing and closer to the side opposite where he leaves at the end of the show. That could have just been our particular concert (or just my perspective since I was on that side) but I thought it would be good to pass on!

Anyway, this was just my personal experience, but if there’s anyone out there who is also new to the pit and wants a better sense of what to possibly expect, I hope this helps!

Hi love. So glad you enjoyed your show! And thank you so much for the tips.

[fanilys]

Number_i Live at Ariake Arena 2024: Getting tickets and goods

I was lucky enough to be able to go to Number_i's live concert at Ariake Arena last June! This was my first concert not just in Japan, but EVER. I was very new to everything, but the guides provided on the fanclub (FC), which included English translations, were very helpful.

I want to go into detail about how I went about this whole process as it may be helpful for future events as well, though it's always possible that there may be changes in the mechanics down the line.

Things to know before getting tickets

The first round of ticket sales is done through a lottery system and is only open to the FC, which has an annual membership fee. Only e-tickets are distributed, which can only be downloaded through a specific app called MOALA Pocket.

This app is only available in Japan. I have not tried to see if it's possible to download from the App or Play Store while you're in Japan or only using a VPN. From what I've read, you might also need a Japanese Apple or Google account, which would then require a Japan-based payment method.

Another way of installing the app is by using an APK. This is what I did, but this method only works on Android phones as far as I know. I'm not sure if there's a way to install the app on an iPhone other than downloading it from the App Store.

I downloaded the APK from the link on this reddit post. There are other websites it can be downloaded from, but just check for yourself if those websites are reliable. Once the APK was installed, I followed the user guide provided on the FC and linked my email and TOBE account.

Securing tickets

To be able to purchase tickets, FC members need to apply for the lottery within a given period. The instructions and expected date/period for the release of results were on the application page.

There were 6 shows for this concert, and we were allowed to submit multiple applications with up to 3 choices of shows as long as there's no duplication. I applied for each of the shows, so in total, I submitted 6 applications, each with 1 selected show.

After that, you'll be asked to select how many tickets you'll be applying for, whether you want to apply for a reserved seat, and if you need wheelchair assistance. A maximum of 4 tickets (including yourself) could be applied per application. The accompanying people don't need to be FC members, but they will each need their own TOBE accounts and MOALA Pocket installed on their phones.

After submitting the application, you'll be sent an email with the application details. If you would like to change any details, you will need to cancel the application first then submit another one within the application period.

There's no rush to apply early since it's a lottery system anyway, as long as it's submitted within the application period. Just take note that the website may be hard to access during times of high web traffic.

Lottery results and payment for tickets

Lottery results were announced a few weeks after the application period via the FC application page and through email. I had 1 successful application out of the 6 shows I applied to.

If not selected, it's still possible to get tickets later on through the general sale, or through the official resale service. I haven't tried it myself, but it seems that the general sale is on a first-come, first-served basis. It uses different ticket platforms and is open to non-FC members as well. There is also an official resale service open to FC members only. Members can apply for tickets via MOALA Pocket and winners will be selected through lottery again. Near the concert dates, I also saw some posts from other FC members saying there was another last-minute sale for remaining seats.

If selected through the FC, you will then have to pay for the tickets on the application page before the specified deadline. Aside from the ticket price, there was also a fixed application fee of 800 JPY regardless of how many tickets were applied. As far as I remember, I was charged for the total number of tickets I applied for plus the application fee. There was no option to select the quantity of the tickets you will pay for, so you will either have to pay for all or none of them.

Once paid, all that's left to do is to wait for the distribution of tickets, which in my case was about 2 weeks before the concert.

The official resale service via MOALA pocket was also launched later on. This allows people who have already paid for their tickets to resell them to other FC members at a fixed price in case one or more people in their party can't attend the concert anymore. Instructions for this were also provided.

Receiving the tickets

Tickets can be downloaded from the FC page once available. Before downloading, I would suggest updating MOALA Pocket first. It's not necessary, but there may be some new features on the latest update.

For APKs, you can check the website where you downloaded it from and see if the latest version as seen on the Play Store is already available. To update, just download the latest version then install. If it's from the same source, it should just update the app like it normally would and the existing data will be retained. However, if it's downloaded from a different source, it can't be installed since it's incompatible with the older version that's currently installed. If the older version is deleted and replaced with a newer one, all data from the previous version will be erased.

It should still be fine even if the app isn't updated, though. I wasn't able to update before downloading my tickets, but thankfully I was still able to enter the concert with no problems. My version just didn't have access to the resale service, which was a new feature at that time.

In my opinion, it might be safer to just not mess with the app once the tickets have been downloaded so as to not risk losing them. I only updated the app after the concert using the latest APK from the same website I used before. After updating, my account was still linked and the ticket was still in my history tab.

Once the tickets have been downloaded, your companions' tickets, if any, can then be distributed as explained on the user guide.

The entry gate will only be shown a day or so before the performance day, and the seat number will only be shown once you've been admitted entry.

Buying goods

There was an online presale for concert goods, but I chose not to buy at that time since the expected delivery date would be before I arrived in Japan, and I would not receive them on time if I had them delivered to PH. I only found out later that the place I was staying at allowed packages to be sent to them before check-in. The best case scenario would've been to preorder the goods so I could receive them upon check-in and bring them with me to the concert. Unfortunately, the presale was already over when I learned about this.

So instead, I bought merch onsite on the day of the concert. This required reservation through the LINE app. Instructions and FAQs were provided, but I had SO MUCH TROUBLE before the reservation period while trying to add the TOBE goods account. It made things so much harder than it should've been and I came so close to just giving it up.

On the FAQs page, there was a link to the goods account, which you needed to add to reserve your slot. I clicked the link then clicked 'add friend', but nothing happened even after clicking it several times. When I closed the link and then clicked it again, I was unable to open the profile and just got a general error message. I thought at first that it was just a bug that would be resolved after some time, or maybe I couldn't add them since the reservation period hasn't started yet. But when I opened the LINE app, I noticed that a lot of features seemed to be disabled. I would get the same error message when I tried clicking some features of the app.

I tried re-installing the app, but then it didn't let me log in at all. I tried searching for solutions online, and based on similar stories from other people, it just seems like my account got suspended for some unknown reason. I tried creating a new account using another email, but the same thing happened. I don't normally use LINE and have never sent any messages there or added any other accounts except for the official TOBE account. I can only guess that my account was marked as spam or a bot after trying to add the goods account since I didn't have a profile picture or complete personal information. But I didn't have this problem on my first account when I added the official TOBE account. It only happened when I was trying to add the goods account.

I tried to contact LINE regarding this, but they only responded that I had violated their terms, even though I truly never did anything except try to add the goods account. I was demoralized after trying to search for other answers and creating more accounts, but decided to try one last time.

I was tired of having to go back to the FAQs page and click the profile link every time I tried. So in this attempt, after clicking the link, I just copied the URL instead of clicking 'add friend'. If I remember correctly, I clicked 'share' then clicked 'copy URL'.

LINE has a thread for yourself, which works like a notes app, so I pasted the profile URL there and sent it to myself. From that thread, I clicked the link then clicked 'add friend', and for some reason, it worked this time?? No idea why, but I was just relieved something worked.

On the chat/thread with the TOBE goods account, there were links to each artist's reservation page. This was before the reservation period, but I tried to see how it works. I clicked on the Number_i button and it replied with a link. But when I clicked that link, I got the same dreaded error again and it seemed like I was suspended once more.

Since I actually made some progress, I just made one last FINAL account. I did everything the same as my last attempt, but I stopped after adding the goods account. After that, I did not click anything on the thread or add other accounts.

When reservations opened, I clicked on the Number_i button and it replied with the link again, but it finally worked fine this time and my account didn't get suspeneded again! So I selected the slot I wanted and took a screenshot of my reservation. I didn't try to change it or apply for another slot as I didn't want to mess anything up again, but I think there were guidelines about that on the FAQs page. All I remember is that you can only modify or cancel your reservation within the reservation period.

The slot I selected was in the afternoon on the day of the show I went to. Stocks may be limited, so it might be more favorable to have an earlier reservation, but I chose a later time for a couple of reasons. My show was in the evening and I originally had other plans in the morning. There's also more competition for the earlier slots, so it might've been more stressful to get a reservation. But my morning plans ended up being cancelled so I actually arrived early to the venue. I wasn't able to change my schedule anymore though since the reservation period was already over by then.

The goods account will send you a QR code once it's your timeslot, and you can't enter the goods area without it. If I was sure that I didn't have any plans that morning, it would've been better to try to reserve an earlier slot. It would've allowed me to take more pictures around the venue with the goods, and maybe I could've bought everything I wanted to buy. Instead, I just waited at the nearby seats for hours and was unable to buy some items since they ran out of stock.

We were allowed to form a queue around half an hour or so before the start of my timeslot. I received the QR code on LINE a few minutes before the scheduled time. After showing it to the staff, I was able to enter the goods area.

The penlight and facetowels were already sold out, but the shirt and other goods were still available. It was only when I was right at the counter that I realized I would actually need to speak to buy the stuff 😂 I was so used to buying online that it just didn't occur to me. The names of the items are in katakana, so I thought I could just say it in English, but the staff didn't understand me so I tried saying it in Japanese. I was quite shy about it, but at least they understood me enough 😂 It felt a bit awkward though when I said "Sho uchiwa" to refer to the Hirano Sho uchiwa. I normally call him "Sho" in my head, but I forgot that it may be taken the wrong way when you say it out loud. Next time, I'll remember to say the name properly.

Entering the venue

There was a large crowd outside the entrance gate, but entry was still smooth and didn't take too long. I showed the ticket on my phone to the staff, and entered shortly after. Honestly, I was still a bit worried at that point that there might be a problem with my ticket or app, but thankfully it worked just fine.

The seat number appeared on the ticket after we entered. There were signages along the way that will lead you to where you should enter from. Upon entering the actual arena, we also asked assistance from a staff member who lead us to our seats. The restroom lines were long, as expected, but there was enough time before the start of the show.

I'll make another post about the actual concert, but this was my experience on all of the preparations before and on the actual day of the concert. It was honestly so stressful as this was my first time doing something like this and I only know minimal Japanese, but all things considered, it went well. I enjoyed the concert and was even moved to buy a CD after the show 😅

A lot of things could've gone smoother, but I'm just happy I was able to participate this time and I hope things will be even better next time. I'm grateful that ticket applications were open to international fans and that instructions in English were also provided. Hopefully in the future, they'll be able to reach more fans and have their own concerts in other countries as well. I certainly hope I'll be able to see them again!

[homeformyheart]

best vs. worst anniversary - m!raleigh carrera x mc (plat)

author’s note: thanks for the prompt (and additional guidelines around less angst 🤣) @withbeautyandrage. it came together a lot faster than i would’ve thought for a more fluffy piece, but it’s thanks to you brainstorming with me!

copyright: all characters owned by pixelberry studios. series/pairing: platinum - m!raleigh carrera x mc (cadence dorian) rating/warnings: 13+, this is mostly fluff   word count: 1.2k

best vs. worst prompts / 23. best anniversary vs. worst anniversary

worst anniversary

raleigh tapped his finger against his leg impatiently as he sat in front of his laptop. it was late in the evening, although not that late by his standards since normally it’d be prime party time, and raleigh was at home. he checked the time for what felt like the twentieth time.

finally, that familiar ringing sound and cadence’s face appeared on his screen. he clicked to answer the call as fast as he could, ready to wish his girlfriend a happy anniversary when he noticed cadence looked the opposite of excited.

“raleigh, i’m so sorry,” cadence said, biting her lip.

his eyebrows furrowed in concern. “hey, hey, it’s okay, what’s wrong?”

cadence sniffled. “i kept the flowers you sent me in my dressing room so i could have it with me before and after the show but some stupid fan broke in and stole it and i hate that we have to be apart on our anniversary.”

“hey it’s okay. they’re just flowers but if you find out who that douchebag was, i will see to it myself he doesn’t come anywhere near your concerts,” raleigh growled, making a mental note to have a word with fiona about concert security. Rogue fans should not be able to get into cadence’s dressing room. “and i’m sorry my label scheduled this event today, otherwise i would’ve flown out to be with you. i’m sure you killed it tonight.”

“thanks, babe. and it’s okay, i’m proud of you for getting more involved in something you’re passionate about. i’m still seeing you next week in paris, right?” cadence asked, with a small smile. raleigh could tell she was feeling at least a little bit better.

“i wouldn’t miss it, babe,” raleigh promised. “and even with the time difference, it’s still our anniversary. so happy anniversary cadence. your gift should be at your hotel in berlin.”

cadence perked up. “what did you get me?”

“i’m not going to ruin the surprise for you. but let’s say you’ll be able to wear it on stage tomorrow if you want,” raleigh said, picturing cadence wearing the pink sapphire pendant necklace he bought around her neck while singing on stage. “send me a picture of you wearing it.”

she beamed. “okay.”

a smirk slowly appeared on raleigh’s face. “actually, that picture should have you wearing nothing else but it.”

“raleigh!” cadence tried to scold him, but she laughed anyway. “ugh, it’s almost 2 in the morning. next time, let’s work out tour schedules so we don’t have to be apart for our anniversary or be apart for too long in general.”

raleigh wished he could reach out and hold her in his arms. “agreed, i’m not doing this again. now i think it’s time for you to go to bed – you have another show tomorrow.”

“i love you, raleigh,” cadence said, blowing him a kiss through the screen.

“i love you too, hermosa. have a good night and i’ll talk to you tomorrow,” raleigh said, giving her his best attempt at a smile. she waved before hanging up and raleigh continued to stare at the blank screen for a moment.

he opened his email and started typing out a message to his manager and fiona. “this is not going to happen to us again,” he muttered as his fingers flew across the keyboard.

best anniversary

raleigh groaned as he collapsed on the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table. cadence followed, nudging his legs so she could get by him, ignoring the whine he let out at having to lower his legs. she collapsed next to him and immediately curled into his side. raleigh’s arm fell around her shoulders, pulling her closer in that familiar way that came with being together for ten years.

“mommy, daddy, can we watch a movie?” charlotte, their nine-year-old daughter, who often was too smart and aware for her own good, asked innocently. “we were good today.”

“yeah, can we? pleaseeeeee,” mateo followed, their seven-year-old son, who liked to copy his sister all too often.

raleigh gave cadence a pointed look that she knew all too well. they were both exhausted but on a day like today when the kids went along with all their activities without complaining and in general, behaved well, it was hard to say no. and in case a “no” was in order, raleigh always preferred to pass the baton to cadence.

“fine, but it has to be an animated movie and then you’re off to bed,” cadence said with a stern voice half-heartedly. she couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face at the excited yelps from her kids as they grabbed the remote and tried to navigate to the movie menu on their tv.

cadence watched raleigh gently wrap his arms around charlotte so he could help her use the remote. she absolutely adored how utterly perfect he was with their kids and cadence couldn’t believe that this was her life right now. their son decided to settle himself between them, leaning heavily on cadence so he could park his foot in raleigh’s lap. cadence knew before the night was over that his head would be in her lap and he’d be fast asleep.

their daughter snuggled up underneath raleigh’s other arm, her eyes wide with anticipation and reflecting the opening scene of the movie. raleigh caught cadence’s gaze and gave her a soft, wholesome smile before turning his attention back to the movie.

as predicted, an hour into the movie, their son was passed out with his head in cadence’s lap and his feet in raleigh’s. their daughter was starting to nod off too but trying desperately to stay awake.

“come on, kiddo. time for bed. you can finish the movie tomorrow,” raleigh whispered as he lifted her into his arms.

cadence lifted their son gently and followed raleigh upstairs as they tucked their kids in. they dropped off mateo first before lowering charlotte gently in her bed, pulling the comforter up and tucking it around her shoulders.

just as they turned to leave, they heard charlotte mumble, “happy anniversary, mommy and daddy.”

cadence and raleigh exchanged confused looks. “how do you know it’s our anniversary, charlotte?”

charlotte opened her sleepy eyes before answering, “that’s what it says on the calendar downstairs. good night mommy, daddy.”

“good night, sweetie,” cadence said softly as she turned on the night light and followed raleigh back to their bedroom.

they climbed into the bed and cadence wiggled her way under the comforter. “so…” raleigh started.

“we forgot our anniversary,” cadence finished.

raleigh chuckled. “it has been a bit crazy lately. i’m sorry, babe.”

cadence leaned in to give him a deep kiss. “don’t be, i can’t think of anything better than being with our family. i love watching you with the kids.”

“and i love you, hermosa,” raleigh said, resting his cheek on her head as she tucked herself against his side. “happy anniversary.”

“happy anniversary,” cadence echoed, feeling completely safe and loved as raleigh held her tightly against him.

* * * * * mentions: @raleigh-edward; @dulceghernandez; @thegreentwin; @kat-tia801​; @kelseaaa​; @otherworldlypresents; @brycesgirl; @robintora;

[dayseternal-blog]

A NaruHina fanfic based off of @shamylicious-blog doujinshi posted May 31, 2019.  Please check out her 5-panel illustration!

Summary: Naruto, a skilled theater technician, and Hinata, a breakout pianist and composer, smile at each other.

Read Chapter 1 here, Chapter 2 here, Chapter 3 here.

Chapter 4: More than you could ever know (END)

The day of, she’s surprised to find that she’s not nervous.  She feels ready.  She could almost describe herself as feeling...excited?  Or is she misinterpreting the adrenaline running through her?  

Her gown, hanging in the closet of her dressing room backstage, glitters despite the dark fabric.

An expensive gift from her workaholic father.

Who’s actually taking a night off from the 10:00 newscast to attend her first solo concert.

He never attended her competitions after her first one due to his work schedule, and they both reasoned that he heard enough of her practicing at home for him to know exactly what she would sound like in the concert hall, and it wasn’t worth his time if she was just one among many players.

It was his expectation that she would win in those days.  

He hardly ever gave her anything beyond a “well done.”  No flowers, no hugs, no wide smiles.  Well, he was never an affectionate person, anyway.  She grew up lonely, simply hoping for his approval in everything she did.  And then, later, just trying to not be a bother or cause him worry of any kind.

She remembers she was stomach-achingly terrified to tell him that she wanted to stop competitions.

He had looked at her, attention fully on her, eyes narrowing, before asking, “Why?”

She could hardly get air to her lungs, but she hardened her resolve.  “I want to focus on composition,” she somehow managed to say with hardly a tremor in her voice.

He paused, nodded, said, “Alright,” and that was that.

Maybe she should have expected such simple support.  After all, the most she ever hears him speak is during his news reports.  And she realized…he never forced her to compete.  He never forced her to practice.  He just paid for the lessons.

She just felt those expectations.  Her father never actually said them.

She figured out during her year abroad in college that he expresses his care through working.  Providing.  Making money so that she can live comfortably and continue her passion.

She had always been grateful for everything he does, but once she framed it as his way of showing love to her, she started emailing him with her college stories more often.

He replied to every single one.

And he asked that she send him recordings of all of her compositions, no matter how short it was.  She wondered if he missed hearing her play, though he never specifically said that.

So it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to her when he told her he wanted to attend her concert.

But it was really a huge surprise.

She fingers the silky fabric, heat coming to her eyes, a welling of emotion in her chest that she takes a deep breath through.  In a few hours, she’ll be wearing this gown and bowing before an audience.

The number of people doesn’t matter to her.  She would be happy with just an audience of her father.

“Hinata?”  Two knocks on her ajar door interrupt her musings.  “Your door’s open so I’m assuming--”

“Oh, yes!”  She swipes her eyes quickly, gathering her tears away.  “I’m ready to go.”

“Great!”  Naruto pokes his head through the door, then widens it for her to step through.  “We’re just going to one of our favorite cafes down the street.”

“Okay.”

She notices, again, his charming smile.  Today, too, he’s grinning at her in a way that makes her lips pull up, makes her wonder what he’s always smiling about.  She hopes he smiles like that later...when she gives him her thank you gift.

“How are you feeling for tonight?” he asks conversationally.

“Mmm…”  She feels emotional.  She feels readier than ever for a performance.  “I feel good.”

“Yeah?”

“My father is coming tonight.”

“Oh, that’s great!”

She nods, agreeing with his words more than he could possibly realize.

She feels great.

*

Despite everything he’s come to learn about her over the course of the week, he’s surprised.

On stage, in front of an audience just for her, she’s relaxed, at ease, focused...a picture of elegance.  Dressed in a figure-fitting midnight gown, she’s beyond stunning, like she was born to be on the stage in the spotlight.

Her form when she bows to the audience.  Her poise at the piano as she plays.  And then...her sound.

He heard her in the drama and on her website’s recordings.  Her heard her during her warm-ups and the parts she played at the rehearsal.

It’s not the same.

It’s no mystery to him at all how she won so many competitions.  How she got this opportunity through the drama.  Yes, talent.  Certainly, hard work.  But it takes more than knowing the instrument to make it on your own.

A musician’s charisma, an energy and emotion amplified before an audience.

Her sound touches and stirs his imagination, to the point he can clearly remember the same impact the drama had in certain scenes.  Or recall the stories she told him about the people she’s met and places she’s been to.

Even without the lighting he designed for tonight’s show, she would still be spectacular to see and listen to live.

He can see what every judge or observer noticed before him.  This girl is going places.  She’s in love with music, and music returns her love twice-fold.

Does she even have space for someone like him in her life?

*

She never much enjoyed speaking into a microphone, but after holding the entire audience captive for over an hour with her music, she doesn’t feel embarrassed.  She gives her little speech more easily than she predicted to thank everyone for coming, Picture Tomorrow’s production team and staff who are in attendance, her piano instructor, her father.

It was one of the best performances she’s ever given.

It amazes her that the night is nearly over.  She made it through without making a fool of herself.

And so many people helped her for a night like tonight.  So she takes a stabilizing breath and continues, “Finally, thank you to the HKT team--”  She extends an arm toward the booth in the house, then to her right, toward the workers off-stage, toward Naruto.  “--for helping me put together this show for tonight.  I have one last song, not listed on the program, that I composed this week to show my appreciation.  It’s called… ‘At home in your smile.’”

She gives a bow, then returns to her seat.

She easily finds the smooth keys, like gentle water beneath her touch.

She smiles, as she always does when she thinks of him.

The notes translate from her fingers into the afternoon breeze kissing laughing cheeks, rich trees throwing sun-spotted shadows on historic streets, an irreplaceable warmth she’ll remember forever in the rhythms of a familiar downtown charm, golden, blue, and hopeful beats.

It’s his song.

Filling the darkest, tallest corners of the theater.  Lively tones chasing each other playfully in a game of light, air, and saturated color.  His sound glowing against each person’s skin, mind, and heart.

Now everyone can know just a fraction of what she’s seen and felt since meeting him.  How she’s never met anyone so unguardedly cheerful.  So at ease in himself and with others, as if he has all of himself to give, none of himself to hold back.  He’s that one summer’s day so acute in youthful abandon--nothing could ever be so perfect, nothing will ever again be so perfect.

How he embodies a dream is one she could explore over and over again, let the music carry her through the complexities of his mind, let every chord delight in her contemplation.

It’s so easy for her soul to sing to him.

She’s written many songs inspired by people she has met in passing, yet she’s never gifted these secret melodies in the transitions of her life.

But for once it only felt right that he know.

And when the curtains are drawn, the lingering applause finally dies, and the murmurings of the audience rise and fall away, she knows that now is the time to tell him.

She nears the wings, and he starts clapping again, his refreshing smile wide and sincere, welcoming her.  “That was great, Hinata!  Really amazing!!  More incredible than the rehearsal, and that last song!  Wow!  I can’t believe you made that in a week!”

“Thank you--”  Her breath catches for a second, her sudden hesitation inexplicable.

A voice comes over his headset, his expression turning to business immediately as he answers.

The curtains of the wings on the opposite side are pulling up, and men are already starting to push the piano off-stage.

She quickly realizes that he’s still working.

He’s busy.

And whatever she was planning on saying, whatever it was she wanted to say, doesn’t have a place right now.

She can feel the adrenaline of the show swiftly beginning to drain from her body, embarrassment shifting into the place where confidence once stood.

What was it she wanted to say, anyway?

And what response was she hoping for from him?

She doesn’t even know him that well!

He just knows a lot about her, she shared so much about herself because he asked so many questions during their meeting, and did that all go to her head?  The connection she feels with him must be one-sided...to him...she’s just another performer he’s working with…

She heads toward the doors to backstage, hoping to make a quick escape from her near-mistake.

“Hinata!  Wait!”

She pauses, one hand on the door.

“The strike will be really fast.”  He gestures behind him, where the main curtains are pulling up, revealing an empty house and a bare stage.  “We only have to take the lights down, and uh.  I have something to give you after, so before you leave, well, even if we’re not done yet, can you come back?”

She blinks at him.  Something to give me?  Flowers?  A card?  Or just something she accidentally forgot on a previous day?

“You can just call out at me if I don’t notice right away,” he adds, an uncertain look beginning to pinch on his face.  “It won’t take long if..uh..your dad’s waiting for you?...”

She nods quickly, hoping to ease his misgivings.  “I’ll come back.  And my father will meet me at home.”

His smile is a lot smaller than his usual, his jaw working like he’s processing a secret, then turns around to help the rest of the crew.

She hurries back to her dressing room.  And as she changes her clothes, she can’t help feeling a slight constriction in her chest, a slight sickness in her gut.

But it’s not unpleasant.

It’s too giddy.

She doesn’t want to hope for anything.  She doesn’t want to lead herself on.  It might really be nothing.  Or even if it is flowers, maybe he does that for all the performers.  Maybe it’s a HKT tradition among the crew to gift the performer a little something.

She gathers her things, trying to steady the race of her heart.

She opens her door--

He’s standing right there, leaning against the wall.

Her heart spasms with surprise.

“Sorry, did I scare you?”  He straightens.

She’s panting from the shock.

“Sorry,” he says again, but he looks like he wants to laugh.

He’s holding a bouquet of bright orange roses.

She blinks at it, trying to compose herself.  Could that be for her?  But maybe it’s not for her, it could be for someone else--who else would it be for, though?  It must be for her... “...Are you guys done already?”

“Oh, no, but, it’s okay.”  He lifts up the bouquet.  “This is for you.”

She stares for a second before taking it.  This is really for me?  Well, of course it is.  “Wow,” she breathes.  “Thank you.”

He’s standing there, still, just smiling.

She doesn’t know what to say.  She can only smile back. “...Orange roses.”

“Haha, yeah,” he laughs, his eyes drifting away as if he’s embarrassed by a memory.  “I know it’s weird, maybe I should’ve just gone with the red?  I would’ve gotten pink, but there weren’t any, but with the red roses, I didn’t want to come off as...yeah.”  He abruptly stops himself there, suddenly staring straight at her.  “...Would you--”

“Oh no I--”  She realizes she spoke at the same time as him.

He shakes his head, biting his lips.  “Go on.”

“Ah, sorry.”  She doesn’t want to make this any more awkward, so she continues, “I just wanted to tell you that I love them.  I’ve never gotten orange roses before.  They’re beautiful.”

He smiles, significantly happier than before.

“And…”  She takes a deep breath.  She can’t believe she’s about to tell him this, but he really deserves to know.  “You know that last song I played tonight?”

He nods.

“It was inspired by you,” she murmurs, only just loud enough for him to hear.

She watches his face morph--his blue eyes widen, his pleased smile shift into confusion.  “Uhh, that last song not on the program?”

She nods.

“You wrote it about me?”  He points to his chest as if he needs to make sure.

She nods again, nerves making her bounce on her toes a bit.  “I am really glad to have met you,” she starts, finding self-assurance in the truth of it.  “I loved coming here and working with...with you and seeing your smile.  Your smile brightens even the darkest theater.”

His jaw drops slightly, red visibly tinging his cheeks.  His expression bursts into a grin, which he quickly covers with his hand, seemingly now self-conscious to show her the subject of her composition.

She really can’t help smiling just as goofily as him.

“Ahh!” he strongly exclaims, his arms falling wide open, hands stretched out before clenching tightly shut.

She jumps, only to quickly see that he’s still just as happy as before.

“Aw man, Hinata!"

The juxtaposition of his words and expressions confuse her, but she loves that about him, too.  "...Naruto-kun?"

His grin softens.  "Go on a date with me!”  He gazes earnestly at her.  “Will you go on a date with me?”

She nods, a blush of her own overtaking her cheeks.  “Mhm, I'd like that.”

He sighs, as if letting go of a huge weight.  “Great!” He’s smiling at her, wide, unguarded, pure.  “That’s great.”

She nods.  It really is.  She’s already looking forward to it.  More than he could possibly know.

“Monday.  Lunch?  Is that okay?”

“Mhm.”

“Can I call you?”

“Uh-huh,” she affirms again, still soaking in his smile, still helplessly smiling back.

“Can I walk you out?”

“Mhm.”

“I’ll call you to sort out details.  I can’t wait for Monday,” he shamelessly adds.

“Me, too.”

He stops at the doorway to outside, gazing at her.

Before she can second-guess herself, she tiptoes, planting a quick kiss on his cheek.  “Thank you for the roses.  Thank you for everything.”  She steps back, reveling in his awed silence, gratified by his look of bliss, and then reluctantly waves good-bye.

He stands at the entrance, watching her go, until she turns the corner and can’t see him anymore.

He’s sweet.  The sweetest guy she’s ever met.

And already she can hear a new, bubbling melodic tune in her heart.  Only the second one of many more she’s certain she’ll tenderly grow in her wonder of his everything, in her efforts to capture each shared moment more perfect than the last.

No matter how their date will end, she knows she’s found someone special.

He’s going to change her, irreparably, certainly.

But she thinks…

She wants to be that person.  She’ll be more herself than ever before.

She really can’t wait.

[stoopsbookstore]

The Fan (Chapter 2)

Warnings - Mentions of groping, accident at a performance

“Do you know what happened to your fansite, Y/N?”

Aya looked at her group member, scrolling through Instagram to see Milton's post, showing the phone screen to Y/N.

"Wow, he seems pissed," Y/N read the post, feeling uncertain about the post, "I mean, I guess it's sweet he cares enough to get mad over people trying to get upskirt shots."

"And he hasn't tried to grope her yet," Sanghee jumped over the sofa to sit next to Y/N, throwing her arm around her, "and if he does, I'm sure security will ban him like that guy who tried to go through our dressing room and sniff our underwear."

"Not funny," Y/N threw a pillow at the laughing Sanghee, hitting her face, "Yunhee was terrified, the poor thing wanted to escorted everywhere."

"She's our maknae, of cours-"

"To be fair, a 15 year old should be able to handle going to the bathroom without having a security guard stand outside the stall," Aya corrected Sanghee.

"Let's focus on something good. The previews of the photos are amazing! Look!" Chinsun hooked up her laptop to the TV, gleefully sorting through the photos, "Firethorn is amazing! Look at the angle on this one."

"Is he one of the guys from that ATEEZ studio Milton mentioned?" Chinsun opened a bag of chips, crunching them one after anothet, "isn't there a bunch of them?"

"However many there is, they take amazing photos," Y/N clicked the mouse, seeing all of the members throughout the year they've been together.

The group was broken out of their trance, their manager had entered the dorm's living room.

"We have to go, girls! 2 hours until showtime!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why am I being dragged along?"

Hongjoong was being pulled by Yunho and Wooyoung, the pair hurrying through the crowd.

"Because we need someone to hold our shit!" Yunho gave his camera bag to the older boy, looking through his camera, taking test shots of the arena, "I would've asked Seonghwa, but he's still upset about his camera."

"I would be too if some sleazeball pushed someone into me," Wooyoung snapped a picture of the crew setting up the stage.

"Well, I need to go take a piss, take your shit," Hongjoong handed Yunho back his luggage, handing to the bathroom before the performance started.

"He's going to miss the performance, he's not going to be able to get a good seat!" Yunho freaked out, waving his camera wildly and accidentally hitting a little fanboy who had been holding a sign for Yunhee, "oh shit, my bad, little dude. Here, you can have my lightstick."

The little boy stopped sobbing, snatching the Blossom Bong out of his hand, walking away from the tall boy, pouting for his father. The lights had changed to the group's signature colors, a dark green and a light mint, representing the stem of a flower. Erupting from the audience, the cheers drowned out the sound of whacks on metal.

Yunho's phone started buzzing, a text from Hongjoong appearing.

Dude, I can't get back in. They said once you're out, you're out.

Wtf thats bull shit! Its fine, the mall is just 2 blocks away, I'll go there, get some food, how long is the concert?

"Pick your petals! Hi, we are Bloom!"

Only about 90 minutes

ok, do you guys want anything?

Yeah, just get us some pizza. Ill text you when it's over. Sorry bro.

Its okay, Im not big on them anyway. And we'll have plently of more chances to see them.

Ok

After a few songs, the girls stood on stage to talk to the audience, a formality of their concerts.

"Petals, we are so proud of you," Chinsun had someone's camera, taking a selfie with Yunhee who was talking to the crowd, "because of you, we are able to stand on stage and dance, rap and sing, we're allowed to live our dream."

"Yunhee, you softie," Y/N was on the other end of the stage, holding a stuffed animal that someone had thrown on stage, "We may not have had a first win, we may not have a number one album, but we're with you guys and that's all that matters!"

"But I'm expecting a win for our comeba-"

Sanghee and Yunhee ran to Y/N, covering her mouth and dragging her to the floor.

"Just ignore her, she has a big mouth," Aya pointed her microphone at Y/N, the trio laughing on the stage floor, "she's always talking about crazy stuff. A comeback? Next month? That's insane!"

"But," the audience held their breath, Yunho and Wooyoung's camera clicking photos, a smug grin adorning Chinsun's face, "do you want a preview?"

The crowd roared into a thunderous applause, the girls gathering at center stage, waiting for Aya to come to them.

When Aya was about to step on the platform, it had collapsed, causing her to fall six feet onto her ankle.

"Fuck!" She had screamed in pain, the other members being held back by security as backstage crew helped Aya to her feet, her ankle throbbing in intense pain, "my leg! My fucking leg!"

"Holy shit!"

Wooyoung and Yunho saw the incident, Aya just a few feet front of them. She held her ankle when a security guard came, picking her up and bringing her offstage. The rest of the members were in a circle, talking to each other when their managers walked up, pulling them off stage. An announcement came up, the audience groaning and booing at what the voice had to say.

"Due to unforeseen circumstances, we have to cancel the rest of the concert. Check your email for any information about refunds, exchanges or other opportunities. We apologize for the inconvenience."

Yunho's phone vibrated, Wooyoung snapping a few photos of the downed platform.

"Dude," Yunho looked at Wooyoung with a disappointed look, the younger male lowering his camera in shame, "it's Hongjoong. Come on, let's go."

What happened?! Im in the lobby and heard a crash!

Aya got hurt! The stage fell

how did the stage fall?

I dont know. Theyre kicking everyone out and Bloom was pretty much ripped off stage. Its fucking bullshit, but I hope Aya's okay.

How is everyone else? Hows Yunhee hows Y/N?

Theyre fine from what we saw, a bit shaking. Where are you in the lobby?

Near the dipping dots

"Do you think that Milton guy will have something to say?"

"I don't think I even saw him there," Wooyoung mentioned the apparent absence of the fansite master, "I wonder if he had to do something with it."

Yunho scoffed at the theory, spotting Hongjoong in the disgruntled crowd, passing by the little boy, who was now full on pouring out tears.

"He may be crazy, but I don't think he would be that crazy."

"Who?" Hongjoong sipped his soda, Wooyoung taking his drink while the trio watched the people leave the arena, "that White Jasmine guy?"

"Yeah, he wasn't there," Yunho checked his phone, "no post either."

Hongjoong, Yunho and Wooyoung begun to hid out to the car, the cloud hanging out the parking lot dark and gloomy as the cries of little boys and girls could be heard for miles. Yunho started the car, Wooyoung getting in the back while Hongjoong turned on the radio, the car filling with one of Bloom's b-sides.

"Not now," Wooyoung reached between the front seats, switching it to classic music.

The rest of the ride spent in tense disappointment.

[onewaigu]

Colours in His Eyes

Genre : bestfriend!au

Theme : fluff

Pairing : Seungmin(Stray Kids) X Reader

Description : you were bestfriends with a cute dork named Kim Seungmin. day by day, you tried so hard to deny the flutters you got whenever you saw him. you learned to accept these unexplored feelings however after seeing him bouncing up and down adorably at his favourite band's concert.

Seungmin had been your next-door neighbour since birth. Naturally, the both of you became the best of friends all throughout kindergarten till high school. People would always see you guys as a package. Whenever people saw one of you, they could bet the other was probably chasing the former down.

Little did Seungmin know, you were kind of harbouring a teeny weeny crush on him that you tried so hard to deny.

What was there not to like about him? His pure randomness clearly put a smile on your face everytime. You never knew when he'd go 'GAAAH' right in your ear while looking at you with crazy eyes. He was the definition of goofy dork.

Things like this were what made your heart fluttered. He didn't care what people think of him. He just lived his life however way he wanted. You admired that part of him. He also had the voice of an angel coated with sweet honey. He'd be belting out high notes of a random Day6 song and you still wouldn't have minded at all. You were merely lost in his presence at times.

Despite that, you didn't dare to act on your feelings for him. You were scared even. Pursuing something more than a friendship might end up ruining it so you promised yourself to not step over the friendzone.

So far, it'd been working. You were just two bestfriends messing around.

“Y/N-ah, guess what?”, he was running up to you with his puppy eyes, “Day6 is gonna have a concert a few days before my birthday!”

He was jumping enthusiastically in the middle of the school hallway. You chuckled softly, gently gripping his shoulders to calm him down.

“Really?”, you asked, as if you hadn't been checking the band's twitter for concert dates the other night.

“Yeah..but I don't know if I can go”, he sulked.

“My mum's been pestering me to set aside money for college so I'll feel kinda bad if I use the money to buy concert tickets instead”, he slumped his shoulders in defeat.

Your heart crumbled at the sight of him. You wanted to see him happy. Hence why, you had been saving up for his advanced birthday present since ages ago. Tickets to his favourite band, Day6's concert. He would be absolutely thrilled.

“Seungmin-ah, you never know when someone's listening to your wish”, you gave him a reassuring smile as you ruffled his hair.

He pouted his lips and sighed, “You're right”.

“Of course, I'm always right”

He laughed adorably at you bumping hips with him. You lifted your head to his level only to gaze upon his twinkling eyes. Warmth enveloped your beating heart. You had it bad but you tried to ignore it.

A few days later, you got an email. You hoped it was what you were expecting. And it was. You tried to suppress your excitement but you couldn't help but let out a high-pitched squeal.

Ding!

You peered at your phone. Seungmin, who was literally next door, had texted you. He was probably thinking you were going insane for squealing at 11pm.

You opened the notification.

“Have you gone insane? Please don't tell me it was just a cockroach”, his message read.

“Hey, did you just leave me on seen???”, you giggled uncontrollably at his obvious disbelief. You could almost picture his offended face staring at his phone.

He continued spamming your phone but you chose to ignore him.

Your eyes left your phone to look back at the screen in front of you. You were re-reading the email you got from Mnet which said that you'd just won the giveaway for Day6's signed album. You weren't sure if you had any luck in the giveaway but maybe there really was someone out there who wanted to make your bestfriend smile just as much as you did.

Now it was just ticketing that you'd have to go through. You stretched your arms and cracked your knuckles. This was going to take a long time but you had all night to score those concert tickets. You could almost imagine Seungmin's reaction seeing the tickets and album. You blushed at the thought.

It was exactly two weeks before Seungmin's birthday. You felt your heart racing non-stop. Calming yourself down with deep breaths, you clutched the concert tickets and signed album against your chest protectively. You stared at the door separating you and Seungmin. It was now or never.

Just as you raised your fist to knock on Seungmin's door, you were faced with his beautiful face. Your breath hitched at his beauty. Even though he had his ridiculously big glasses on and looked half-asleep, you couldn't help but get lost in his eyes.

“Uhh-”

“..were you going to hit my face?”, he nonchalantly leaned against the doorframe.

“I can if you want me to”, you joked as you folded your arms.

He let out a hearty laugh, “But really though, what brings you here at-”, he glanced at the clock in his living room, “9 in the morning?”

“Here”

He glanced down at the nicely-wrapped items in your arms. “You do know my birthday isn't until next two weeks?”, he smirked as his fingers fiddled to unwrap the presents.

Gasp.

Before you knew it, you were dragged into a bone-crushing hug. You felt vibrations against you as Seungmin broke out into uncontrollable sobs. Your cheek gently rested on his chest as you let this moment sink in. His happiness was your happiness after all.

He eventually let go of you, not before placing a faint peck on your forehead. That caught you off guard. Yeah, you guys were bestfriends but Seungmin had never done that before. You froze for quite some time, trying to process his endearing gesture.

“So..is that a yes?”, you teased him, still half-frozen in a daze.

“Y/N, I could fall in love with you”, he said while looking lovingly at the presents you got him.

You knew he was joking but why did you have butterflies in your stomach? You shook your thoughts away though. You didn't want to harm such a friendship. So you just smiled silently at his remark, your heart crushing a little bit on the inside.

Concert day finally came. Seungmin was especially pumped. He'd been blasting Day6's songs all day long. It was surprising your other neighbours didn't file a noise complaint.

The music suddenly stopped and not long after you heard a knock on your door.

You opened your door and saw Seungmin dressed in MyDay colours grinning widely at you. You didn't even get to say anything, he'd already dragged you outside the apartment building.

The two of you arrived at the concert venue and immediately you were loving the vibe the fans were giving off even before they all entered the venue. You had heard a lot about the reputation MyDays had as Day6's very own fanchoir. Like Seungmin was, you were also excited.

You had a bit of trouble finding your seats but eventually found them. You peered to your left to see Seungmin taking a bunch of selfies and pictures with his white camera. You giggled under your breath.

“Y/N, LOOK THEY'RE HERE!”, Seungmin was bouncing up and down, waving his lightband around.

Your focus turned to the big stage in front. There stood all the Day6 members with their instruments, ready to start the concert. Excitement filled your whole body.

“EVERYBODY! LETZGEDDIT!”, the tallest guitarist, Jae, raised his hands in the air before killing it on stage with the other members.

The whole venue shook as everybody was getting hyped by the minute.

“Okay everyone we're going to have to end the concert soon”, Sungjin, the leader, said with a sad expression on his face.

Everyone groaned loudly especially Seungmin who'd been enjoying the heck out of the concert.

“The last song of the day is something that I'm sure everyone is familiar with”, you could practically hear the smirk in Young K's words.

And he was right, even you could recognise the song. Sing Me. Groans became cheers. But your mind was elsewhere.

All throughout the concert, you'd been stealing glances at Seungmin. He looked the same as usual but for some reason, you kept getting nervous while being beside him that evening.

You knew it all started when Colors was playing. The lyrics had struck a chord in you that left you thinking. Would you ever be able to live a life without Seungmin in it? Would you be happy?

Looking at him, you saw only colours in his eyes. Colours that painted your skies.

Eventually after much thought, you solemnly accepted the fact that maybe just maybe- you might actually be in love with him. He wasn't just your crush anymore.

With that sudden realisation, you became tense merely being beside him.

You stood there listening silently to Sing Me. When it was nearing the chorus however, you felt Seungmin's warm hand grabbing ahold of yours, intertwining them together. You glanced up at him questioningly and only saw his eyes softening with an unreadable expression on his features. Blush on his ears.

Sing with me. He had mouthed.

So you did.

[a/n]

tumblr and i, we have a love-hate relationship with each other..anyways kim seungmin is a certified cutie ^ ^

(gif credits to hyunjins)

[gimmesumsuga]

See you (M)

The one where Taehyung notices you at a concert, and can't help but want to see you again.

Pairing: Taehyung x reader

Word count: 4.5K

Warnings: Mild smut; kissing, fingering.

A/N: This is gratuitously self-indulgant piece; a daydream gone too far!! And yes, i know I've left it open for a second part.  No, I've got no idea when I might actually get around to it 😂

Part two

“Are you sure you want to bother with this?” Sarah asks, eyeing the seemingly never ending line the of people that stretches out before you with one doubtful eyebrow raised, disappearing above the blunt edge of her fringe.   

You can’t blame her for looking skeptical.  After yesterday’s debacle that had you standing for almost ten hours straight, your feet aren’t exactly in prime condition to go tackling yet another queue.  

“I got an invite,” you reply, shrugging your shoulders and pulling the shoulder strap of your bag back up into place as it threatens to slip down.  “I can’t just let it go to waste.  There’s like a thousand other girls here who’d tear my arm off for this.”  Gesturing to the sign above a set of glass double doors that reads ‘BTS Studio’, Sarah’s gaze follows the motion of your arm.  

“Alright,” she concedes, shifting her weight from one foot to the other and grimacing as she does so.  It’s all too easy to empathise with how she’s feeling; the balls of your feet are killing you, too, not to mention your lower back.  “At least we’re sitting tonight, I guess.”

“And I’ve got more painkillers, so we’ll be fine.”  Sarah nods and then follows alongside you as you make your way down to the back of the queue.  It’s a relief when you realise that it’s not actually as long as you’d originally thought; nowhere near as long as the lines for the actually concert, anyway.

“Ok, I’m gonna go to the loo so that’s gonna kill… like, an hour, at least, right?” your friend sighs, a wry smile stretched across her pretty face, “And then I guess I’ll just go hang out in Starbucks or something until you’re done?”

“Sure, ok.  I’ll text you when I’m out.”  

“Cool.  Have fun!”  She bids you a farewell wave that you return as you sidestep into the queue behind a small group of girls who’re practically bouncing with excitement already, chattering away in a European language that you can’t hope to understand.    

Luckily, once the doors actually open the queue moves fairly quickly.  Scrolling through tumblr on your phone and rewatching last night’s videos keep you amused for the most part; smiling like an idiot down at your screen as you go over the precious memories stored inside.  

You’re only thirty people or so from the front of the line when you suddenly get the feeling as though you’re being watched, looking up from your phone with curious eyes and glancing from side to side.  Sure enough, your gaze meets that of one of the attending staff - a young East Asian man with neatly styled hair and sharp cheekbones - and oddly enough, when he sees you looking he doesn’t seem too concerned about having been caught staring.  He looks you up and down quickly, eyes narrowed, and in under normal circumstances you might think he was checking you out but… for some reason it doesn’t quite feel that way. It feels more like a clinical inspection than anything else, but before you can even begin to figure out what his intentions might be he looks away and then he leaves; abandoning his post without a word to any of the other staff and striding away, leaving nothing but confusion in his wake.

“Well that was weird…” you murmur under your breath, and though you may be frowning as you lower your eyes back to your phone, the latest gifs of Jimin to grace your dash are more than enough to help you forget the odd little occurrence. 

It’s not until you reach the front of the line that you start to feel the first flutters of excitement in your chest.  You’ve seen the photos that have come out of the BTS studio booths before and always been really impressed with how convincing some of turn out.  Sure, it might not be the real BTS that you’re posing with, but a photograph with a virtual member is the best you’re ever gonna get, so you may as well make the most of it.

It’s with an eager smile that you show the member of security guarding the entrance your emailed admission pass, who then explains the process that you’ll need to go through once you’re inside; selecting your member, taking a seat to strike a pose and then waiting outside the booth for the photo to be printed.  

It doesn’t take long before it’s your turn to then enter, and as you step into the booth that’s no bigger than the size of your living room at home you feel your pulse rate start to steadily rise.  The security guard that had welcomed you shuts the door behind you as soon as you’ve stepped through it, and it very nearly makes you jump as it thuds firmly into place.

You’re not sure why you’re so jumpy.  Just over-excited, you guess. Your hands are a little shaky as you place your bag down by the door and head over to the touch screen that’s embedded into the wall to begin scrolling through the varying options and poses it presents, and very quickly you find one that you like; Namjoon sat with his chin rested on his hand and a broad smile on his face.  It makes your heart beat all the harder to see it, and once you’ve made your selection you quickly rush to the bench opposite the screen and sit down, watching your reflection as you twist and turn your body so as best to position yourself next to his virtual image.

It’s so weird, seeing yourself sat beside him.  Weird, but really cool!  If only it was the real Namjoon you were sat next to!  Not that you’d even know what to say, but -

“Hello.”  

Your head turns sharply to the left, a yelp of surprise bursting forth from your mouth as you search wildly for the source of the deep voice that you just heard.  Twisting your torso, you look over your shoulder and end up scrambling backwards to the very edge of the bench when you identify a familiar face poking out from behind the curtains that line the back of the booth.  

“Sorry!” Taehyung exclaims, stepping out further from his hiding place and holding both hands up, palms facing outward in apology as he comes to stand by the bench on which you’re still sat, gawking up at him with your mouth hanging open.  “Sorry,” he repeats, “Sorry to… scare.”

This can’t be real, right?  

This has to be some sort of prank.  This can’t be the real Kim Taehyung stood right here - right in front of you - in a snugly fitting pair of black trousers and mustard yellow shirt, looking completely and utterly flawless.  No. No way.  

“I just want to…” He hesitates, hands falling back down to his sides as he seemingly struggles for the right words to say in English, thick eyebrows creasing in frustration. “To say… hello… with you.”

You blink, dumbstruck, and so many seconds of silence pass by that Taehyung starts to fidget nervously with his hands, wringing them where they hang in front of his crotch.  

“Sorry.  My English not… good,” he laughs self-consciously, glancing down at the floor, “You understand?”  

“Yes!” you blurt out, not wanting to make him think for even a single second that he isn’t doing an amazing job at saying what he means, “I mean, yes, I understand but how are you… why are you…?” You trail off, hopelessly lost for words under the weight of his deep brown eyes staring back at you.  

He looks down at the empty space next to you on the bench.  

“I can sit?” he asks and when you quickly nod he’s just as swift to take a seat next to you, his knees turned towards yours.

Taehyung looks even more stunning up close than he did a few seconds ago stood above you; his skin impossibly clear and his features just as inconceivably sharp.  

“This is your second day, yes?  You here... last night?” he questions once he’s made himself comfortable next to you, and when you nod once again a broad smile appears on his face and steals your breath away with it.  

How does he know that you were here yesterday?  Could it really be that he’d noticed you as you’d so desperately hoped he would during the final moment’s on last night’s concert?  As the whole group had been saying their goodbyes to the crowd along the edges of the stage in those final precious moments at the end you’d sworn your eyes had met, but of course you could never be certain.  There were probably at least twenty girls around you who’d thought the same thing; impossible to tell for sure with all the lights and confetti and noise going on around you.

“I saw you,” he grins gleefully, “Saw you sing, and dancing.  All night.” He shimmies his shoulders playfully as he speaks, and as he does so you feel your cheeks filling with heat at the prospect of Taehyung having been witness to you flailing around like an idiot amongst the rest of the crowd.  Smiling embarrassedly down at your feet, you rub at your neck.

“Oh, yeah… then that was probably me.”  When you look back up Taehyung is still looking right back at you, his eyes practically twinkling in the stark lighting of the booth.  “Did I win some sort of competition, then? Is that why you’re here? I was like… the craziest fan, or something?”

He cocks his head adorably to the side, eyes narrowing in confusion, and you can’t help but wonder whether that might well be where Yeontan gets it from.  

“Competition?” he repeats slowly, clearly not quite comprehending your choice in words.  

“Um, I mean like… a prize.  This - a picture with you-” You gesture around the room and towards the camera, Taehyung’s gaze following the point of your finger. “-Is it a prize?”  Understanding dawns in Taehyung’s eyes, opening them up wide as he exclaims,

“Ohhhh!”  He shakes his head, shaking his bangs across his forehead. “No.  No prize. I just…” Taehyung pauses again, and you swear you see the faintest hint of a blush colour the deep caramel of his cheeks as he ducks his head slightly.  “I want - wanted - to see... you.”

“Me?”  You really must be dreaming.  Any moment now you’re going to wake up to the sound of your alarm and you’re going to roll over and tell Sarah all about the vivid dream you’ve had featuring the one and only Kim Taehyung.  “Why?” you ask bluntly - disbelievingly - and at that Taehyung takes a deep breath, his eyes looking this way and that as he figures out what it is he wants to say.

“London is… very beautiful,” he begins to explain slowly, his features open and expressive as he shuffles closer to you across the bench, gesturing with his hands as he speaks.  “The buildings. The art. All very beautiful. But you-” Taehyung pauses, his gaze flicking between each of your eyes,back and forth. “-You are more beautiful than all those things, I think.”  

Yep… this is definitely - definitely - dream worthy material.  

You pinch the side of your thigh as you stare back at him with your face flushed and your heart thumping, but no matter how hard you grab at your flesh you just can’t seem to wake up.  

“T-thank you,” you stutter out when you realise you’ve left him waiting for a reply for far longer than you should, but Taehyung just grins regardless of how flustered and ineloquent you’ve become.  

“Last night, you give kiss.”  As your brow furrows in confusion, Taehyung smacks a kiss against his palm and then blows it back at you to clarify what he means, and as you watch him do it you feel your face start to burn all the hotter.  You hadn’t been sure whether or not he’d seen that when you’d impulsively gone ahead and done it, but apparently he had… “Very cute,” he grins, scrunching his nose at you when you momentarily hide your scarlet face behind your hands.  “Your bias… is me?”

Crap.  

“Oh… uh... well,” you stammer haltingly, and you know the way you're suddenly refusing to meet Taehyung's eyes will likely have already given you away.  

If he'd have asked you the same question about 18 months ago you would've been able to easily give him an affirmative answer, but being a BTS stan is a tricky business!  How is a girl supposed to stay loyal with seven equally attractive and charming men to choose from?!

“No?” Thankfully, Taehyung starts to laugh as you pick your doleful gaze up off the floor to grin apologetically back at him.  He crosses his legs, holding onto his knee as he back at you with an appraising gaze, head tilting again. “Jimin?”

You shake your head ‘no’ and revel in how Taehyung's eyebrows jump with surprise.  

“Jungkook?”  he guesses again, laughing when you once again shake your head, grinning playfully.  “Who? You tell me.”

Leaning back slightly, you chose to show rather than tell.  With a guilty look and a bite of your lip, you straight out the shirt that you're wearing - the print of which was just hidden by the way you were sat.  

“Ah, hyung,” he nods in understanding when he takes in the images of Namjoon that you have printed across your chest. “That is… very good choice.”  

Do you detect just the slightest hint of disappointment in his voice, perhaps?

“I like all of you, though,” you hasten to tell him, instinctively shuffling closer across the bench. “You're all so talented.”  

“You think so?”

“Of course,” you confirm quickly, butterflies kicking up a storm inside your stomach as he gifts you with that famous boxy smile of his, so wide that his eyes briefly press shut.  

“I'm happy.”  Sweetly, he presses a hand to his heart, palm flat to his chest as he declares, “I like you, too.  Very much.”

“Really?” you ask, embarrassingly breathless already, and when he reaches out to take your hand in his, long fingers intertwined with yours as he pulls them into his lap, you stare dumbly down at them, so overwhelmed you could very nearly cry.  

“Really,” Taehyung nods. “I like your hair.” He reaches out to touch it with his free hand, brushing the strands with his fingertips. “I like your eye.”

God, it feels like a struggle to breathe when he looks at you this way; sat so close you can smell the clean scent of his aftershave.  

“I like... everything.”  His gaze flickers down to your lips, his tongue flicking out to wet his own before looking back into your eyes, his pupils dilating slightly as they meet.  

“Wow…” Ok, so now you're definitely breathless.  You feel Taehyung's fingers squeeze around yours and before you know it you're squeezing right back.  

“Last night, you give kiss.” Taehyung's voice seems to have dropped in pitch since he last spoke, quiet and husky.  Again he looks at your mouth, shifting over on the bench so there's no space left remaining between you; his thigh pressed to yours, elbows knocking.  “Today, I kiss you?” he asks, and you've barely even registered the question before your head begins to nod.

“Yes.  Yes please,” you whisper, and before you can take even a single bracing breath to prepare yourself, Taehyung's smiling lips are pressing against your own.  

Warm and supple, they brush yours.  His kiss is sweet and tentative - his hand gentle when it reaches up to slip into your hair - and when you lean into him further, resting your weight on his thigh, Taehyung releases a deep groan of approval that rumbles in his chest.  

“Your name,” he murmurs between kisses, head tilting from one side and then to the other as your lips collide, press after press as he cradles your cheek in his palm, “What is your name?”  

Oh god, haven't you even told him that yet?  If this weren't Kim Taehyung that you were kissing, you'd judge yourself quite harshly for letting yourself getting so badly carried away.  

Your name is so muffled by his lips the first time you say it that you have to repeat it again, pulling away for just a second.  Taehyung's shapely lips look slightly puffy from the kisses you've shared; shiny and flushed a far deeper red than the pretty pink warming his cheeks.  

He releases your hand, smiling happy as he lets an echo of your name roll off his tongue and cradles your cheeks in both his palms.  

“That is beautiful too.”  

With each second that goes by that you're looking into Taehyung's deep and soulful eyes, you're starting to care less and less about whether or not this could ever be real.  Unlikely or not, now that you're here you intend to make the very most of it, and it's with a renewed sense of urgency that you grip onto the material of his trousers with both hands, pressing your fingertips into the meat of his thighs.  

“Taehyung, Tae, kiss me again,” you urge, already leaning in, and the beautiful boy sat next to you needs very little encouragement to meet you halfway.  He surges forward - mouths colliding - and every kiss is tinged with impatience, now; a heat unfurling in your lower abdomen as his hands slip into your hand and his grip tightens, holding you fast against him.  

His tongue swipes across your lips and then delves inside the moment that they part, rolling against yours with another deep groan of desire.  When you hook your knee over his thigh, Taehyung is quick to grab a hold of the back of it and uses it as leverage to pull you onto his lap, straddling his waist despite how difficult it may be given the tight denim of your skirt.  

His hand snakes up your thigh, kneading along your flesh onto it finds its resting place on your behind; squeezing firmly.  

“Oh fuck,” you gasp as an instinctive roll of your hips into his draws attention to how aroused the both of you are.  As your pelvises had pressed, the solidness of his erection had ground the material of your sullied panties against your core, coating them with the warm slick that's gathered so generously that the next time it happens it's a smooth slide of wet fabric against sopping wet skin.  

Taehyung groans your name, tugging on your ass to rock you against him again; harder this time.  

“I… can I?”  With his mind clouded by lust, Taehyung seems to be struggling with English more than ever as he mumbles out words between kisses fervent kisses, his hand leaving your hair to come rest on the top of your thigh.  “My hand? Yes?”

“Yes, yes,” you chant enthusiastically, already scrambling to pull your skirt up higher for him and grant Taehyung better access to your ruined underwear.  

You've wasted so many hours just imagining his long and graceful fingers doing exactly as they are now - slipping between your legs to seek out your aching heat - that you can hardly believe this is real.  

It must be, though.  Never before has your imagination so vivid and visceral as this; the lightest brush of his fingertips against your panties making you gasp and shiver in his arms.  

“Oh please,” you whimper as he toys with the seam, having abandoned your lips in favour of laying kiss upon kiss along the slant of your jaw and further below, grazing his mouth against the sensitive flesh of your neck.  

“Shhhh,” Taehyung hushes, his breath hot against your throat, and it's only thanks to the way you sink your teeth into your bottom lip that you don't then cry out when he shifts the crotch of your panties aside and the pads of his index and middle finger slip between your dripping folds.  

He doesn't push them inside right away, not at first.  To begin with, he simply lets them slip and slide amongst your wetness, gathering your slick on his fingertips ready to then press them to the swollen nub of your clitoris.  Round and round he circles it, gently stimulating you to the point that you're softly whining and rocking against the heel of his hand and gripping at his shoulders, so consumed with desire that you're practically burning from the inside out.  

Mouthing at the base of your neck, you let out a strangled moan when Taehyung sucks rhythmically at your skin.  He doesn't stop until it's starting to hurt, and you can tell from the ache that's left behind in his wake that he'll have left a mark; claiming you as his own.  

The thought of it arouses you beyond belief and now, more than ever, you know you need to feel him inside.  Reaching down to grab a hold of his forearm you try to force his touch lower - away from your clit to your centre instead - and when Taehyung finally looks up from his assault of your throat his sinful tongue is prodding at the corner of his parted lips, breathing hard.  

He flashes you a smirk so salacious that it makes your pelvic floor clench, and you’d start pleading for him again if it weren't for him seizing your lips once more, taking everything you're willing to give.  

Taehyung murmurs something in Korean, rubbing hard against your clit until your thighs start to clench either side of him, and it isn't until your whole body has started to shake that he slips his fingers lower and pushes them inside; two knuckles wide and deep.  

“Yes,” he groans in approval when your silken walls squeeze around him - a cry catching in your throat - and Taehyung gives you no time to get used to the stretch before he's already moving them inside you.   He thrusts them in and out so fast that the room fills with the sound of his palm slapping against you, and when he tires of that and begins to rapid ‘come hither’ motions to press at your g-spot, you can hear every wet curl of his fingers inside.

Desperate to smother some of the broken moans that are spilling out of you, you press your face to his shoulder, hiding amongst the creases of his shirt.  

“Fuck,” you whine helplessly, hips twisting on his lap because he just won't let up, dragging his fingertips against your most sensitive parts again and again and again, determined to make you fall apart.  More Korean uttered into your hair - more kisses to your scalp - and you can feel yourself getting close, squeezing even tighter around his fingers, so wet that it must surely be dripping down onto his palm.  

“Good girl,” he praises, his accent thicker than ever; the sexiest two words you've ever heard in your life.  They send you hurtling towards your end at almost breakneck speed, and suddenly every motion of Taehyung's fingers feels even more intense than they did just a moment before; a fire roaring to life deep in your pelvis that threatens to consume you whole.  

“Tae… I… Oh god, I-” you cry as you cling onto him, fingers fisted in his shirt, and it takes barely a moment before you're cumming wildly on his fingers.  Every inch of your body goes rigid as it hits and then quickly begins to tremble as you choke out his name against his lips when they find yours, tenderly kissing you back down to Earth.  

“Ok?” Taehyung asks as you rest your forehead on his, eyes closed and catching your breath, gasping with oversensitivity when he gently slips his fingers out of you.  He must wipe them on his trousers or something, because when he takes your face in his hands and tilts your chin up they're already dry; a contented smile on his face when you open up your eyes.  “Good?”

“Yeah,” you sigh happily, sitting up straighter in his lap, “Yeah, really, really good.”  

“Good,” he echoes, smile widening.  “Pretty,” he admires, brushing his thumbs over your blushing cheeks.  You glance down, embarrassed to be on the receiving end of such rapt attention from someone you admire so much, and as you do you notice the problem that Taehyung still appears to be suffering from; rock hard underneath the zipper of his trousers.  

Bravely, you slip your hand down the length of his chest and press your palm over it, squeezing lightly and smiling at the way his breath hitches, his eyebrows furrowing.  Taehyung looks pained as he takes a hold of your wrist and moves your touch away, sadly shaking his head.  

“What about you?” you ask regretfully.  You've been so lucky.  Never in your wildest dreams would you have imagined you'd be on the receiving end of Taehyung's attentions; the least you can do is return the favour.  

“Too long,” he husks, glancing at the door behind you, and it's with widened eyes and a deepening blush that you suddenly remember where it is you are.  “ARMY… they are waiting too much.”  

He probably has a point.  You've no idea how long the two of you have been in here, but it's probably far longer than you ever had to wait.  

Ever so carefully, Taehyung helps you up off his lap and pats your butt affectionately once you've pulled your skirt back into place.  He looks thoughtful once you sit back down, and suddenly you don't quite know what to say.

‘Thanks for the orgasm, I'll see you at the show?’  

“I want…” He stops, clucking his tongue against teeth as he clasps his hand in his lap. “Would like… hope... to see you again.”

“Me too,” you admit, meaning it more desperately than you've ever meant anything in your life.  

“Can I… trust?” Taehyung gestures between the two of you. “Secret?”  

“Of course!” you answer instantly.  For one thing, you doubt anyone would ever believe you if you told them.  Not only that, but you'd rather not risk getting sued by BigHit themselves for creating any kind of scandal, either.  

“Ok,” he smiles and then reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small slip of paper that he hands to you, pointing at its contents when you turn it over.  “This is hotel.  This is my name.  Today, after show you come?”  

“Yeah,” you agree, folding it up and slipping it into your phone case for safe keeping; your most treasured possession.  “Yeah, I definitely will.”  

“Yay,” he grins adorably, screwing his hands into fists with excitement where they rest atop his thighs.  

You'd never guess the things he'd just done to you given how sweet and innocent he looks now - how cutely his fringe dangles over his scrunched up eyes.

“Taehyung-ssi!” a voice calls from behind the curtain from which he'd emerged earlier, and Taehyung straightens in his seat, his eyes pinging open.  

“Oh,” he says quickly, rising to his feet, “I must-”

“You need to go, I know.  It's ok.”  You get up as well, standing toe to toe with him with a consoling smile tugging at your lips.  

There's an odd feeling in the centre of your chest; a sadness despite knowing that you're supposed to be meeting again later.  You don't want him to leave…

As if reading the mournful look in your eyes, Taehyung smiles sweetly and takes your face in his hands to steal your breath away with one last sweet kiss.  

“Thank you,” you sigh into his lips, only re-opening your eyes once he steps away and releases you.  

“Tonight,” he promises, walking backwards towards the curtain with a wave of his hand and a wink of one eye that has your stomach doing flips on the inside.  “See you.”

“See you,” you reply, and then he disappears behind the curtain and out of your sight; at least until tonight.  

[dearlazerbunny]

Again, and Again, and Again

Pairings: Kylo x Reader

Genre/Ratings: dance!AU, warning for a short but uncomfortable sexual situation

Words: 7,500

Summary: You dance your way into Kylo Ren’s life, and suddenly you never want to dance back out. Literally based on a dream I had, and then I went overboard with it, per usual. Enjoy!

“Hey.” A boy is standing by the door to the dance studio, all in black, including his messy head of curls. “You’re Y/N, right?”

“Um.” You stop in front of him, hiking your dance bag farther up onto your shoulder. “Yes? Can I help you?”

“I was just supposed to catch you before class.” He pulls out his phone and unlocks it, apparently checking the time. “I’ll let my director explain.”

Director? “I have to warm up.” You gesture to the open door leading into the studio. “Sorry.”

‘Aw, come on. Give us two minutes. Promise it’ll be worth your while.”

You raise an eyebrow. “More than the pulled ankle I’ll get for not warming up?”

“Definitely. Well, probably. Maybe. Possibly.”

“Kylo, stop terrorizing the talent.” A girl walks up beside him and shoulders him with her backpack. “You’re such a menace.”

“Guilty.” He smacks the girl back lightly, whose got her hair pulled back into this tri-bun thingy. Looks cool. Not that you could ever pull it off, you think self-consciously, touching the bun wound tightly on the back of your head. That’s about the only hairstyle you know to do.

“So.” She turns to you and smiles. “Y/N, right?”

“Again, yes.” She holds out a hand for you to shake, and you tentatively take it.

“I’m Rey. Pleasure to meet you. And this oaf,” she jabs the guy next to her with an elbow, “is Kylo. Ignore him, he’s not right in the head.”

You glance into your classroom, which is beginning to fill with other dancers stretching out their legs and lacing their shoes. “This is really making me want to stick around and figure out why you’re cornering me.”

“Okay, okay, fair enough. I’m Rey,” she repeats. “I’m another art student here. Directing major. We’re doing short films as a senior project, and I need a dancer. According to everyone in the department, you’re the girl for me.”

Hm. “What kind of dance?”

“Pointe.” She grins, and points to the shoes tied to the strap of your bag. “Am I in the right place?”

You laugh a little. “Yeah, I’ve been en pointe since I was like, seven? But I’ve never been in a film before. I don’t know how to act.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I want the dancing to be the main focus. There’ll be a little acting, but you’ll be surrounded by acting majors. I’m sure they can give you a hand. And Kylo here would be your partner, so he can help too.”

You glance at him- Kylo- and appraise him. “You a dancer?”

He grins a little sheepishly. “Um, no. Not really. But they needed someone strong and handsome to throw you into the air a couple times.”

Well, he does look strong underneath the black leather jacket. And handsome- well, you weren’t going to look him over too closely right here and now, but he’s not too bad on the eyes from where you’re standing. You finger a piece of pink ribbon trailing off your shoes, wrapping it around your knuckle and unwinding it again. “What’s in it for me?”

“Free food at the shoot, my eternal adoration, and a resume credit.”

You look sideways at Rey, who has a hopeful expression on her face. If she wants a ballerina, you probably are the most qualified in the department. Plus, this isn’t something you’ve ever done before. Might be fun.

“Okay.” You nod. “I’ll do it. Do you need my email?”  

“Oh, yeah, please.” She hands you her phone and you key in your name, number, and email. “I’ll contact you soon, okay?”

“Sure.” You give them both a little wave, ducking your head when Kylo waves back, and head into the studio with a bit of a smile on your face.

…

“Okay, so here’s what I’m thinking.” Rey is leading you an Kylo through the trees on no apparent path, pushing aside foliage and tramping through leaves with big ol’ hiking boots. Kylo doesn’t seem bothered in his similarly chunky combat boots, but your dainty little ballet flats are taking a bit of a beating. Luckily you’re good at walking on your toes. “You’re running through the forest, there’s a wide tracking shot following both of you coming from opposite directions, until you meet… here.”

She stops and surveys a clearing she’s just come to, dropping her camera bag onto a nearby branch so it dangles from the tree. You hike up beside her and stop, nearly bumping into her. She turns to you and grins. “Whatcha think?”

You’re prepared to put on a fake smile and tell her it’s nice, but it’s actually really pretty. It’s a pond, shallow by the looks of it but enough to reflect the trees branching out over it from the banks. There’s even a few growing from the middle of the water, giving it a ethereal feel. When Kylo crouches down and runs his fingers through the water, his hand can touch the bottom. You look around, but any ground you can see is covered in brambles. “So… where are we dancing?”

She looks up from her camera innocently. “In the water.”

“…oh.” You glance over at Kylo, sure he’ll be returning your odd look, but he just looks at you and shrugs. You raise an eyebrow at him.

“I’ve done weirder.”

“I… haven’t.” You’ve only ever performed in concert venues. Or practice spaces. You put a hand to your forehead, shading the sun from your eyes, wondering how in the world you’re going to be en pointe in the middle of a freaking lake.

“It’s okay if you can’t.” Rey is still fiddling with presumably her camera settings. “I don’t really know how, like, pointe shoes work? It’s pretty muddy.” She glances at the little lake. “So if they won’t survive or something I have another location picked out. But I’d really prefer this one.”

You sigh, toeing the water. New things. We’re doing new things here. “No, I think I can make it work.”

“Sweet. I just wanna get some test shots, you game?” You look at Kylo, who just shrugs again, takes off his socks and shoes, and steps into the water.

You laugh at his expression, all twisted up and cringing a little. “It’s a little… squishy,” he admits, wading his way to the middle.

“Your jeans are getting wet,” you say, still hovering near the edge.

“Come on, miss ballerina.” He holds out a hand and you take it tentatively. “The light is better out here.”

“Haha.” The few times you’ve met before now he’s always teasing you about being a priss or a princess or wanting the spotlight. Annoying, but harmless. You step out to meet him, trying not to wince at the thought of your satin pink pointe shoes being ruined in the mud. “You’ve really done weirder than this?”

“Mmm, maybe equal to? Acting majors man,” he points at himself jokingly. “The things we do for our art.”

“Huh.” He still hasn’t let go of your hand, and you’re grateful for it. If you’re jumping out of your comfort zone, at least someone’s there with you.

“Oh, that’s perfect.” Rey is looking through her viewfinder. “You guys look so good together!” Which of course immediately makes you want to step as far away from him as possible, but instead he grabs your other hand and pulls you a bit closer, making you look more couple-y. “Peeeeerfect.”

Kylo must catch your uncomfortable look, because he leans in and whispers in your ear “You know we’re playing a couple, right?”

You smile a bit. “Yeah, I know, I’m just… the boring, stick in the mud dancer. I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“Well that’s what art is all about right?” You look at him. His brown eyes are warm. “Trying new things. Doing weird shit.”

That does make you laugh. “I guess.”

“Well, that’s good, ‘cause you know you’re choreographing, right?”

You turn to Rey, wide eyed. “I’m what now?”

….

“Okay. Okay!” You reserved a practice room for the two of you to dance in, but now the empty space filled with mirrors is giving you anxiety. You typically do what the choreographers tell you, not make up your own stuff. “Rey, tell me again what you want?”

She’s sitting on the floor in the corner, playing with something on her laptop. “Aw, man, I don’t know, you’re the expert. Pretty stuff, some turns, some jumps. Make Kylo lift you off the ground. Use the tree branches if you remember where they are in the lake.”

You sigh, eyes closed. Why had you agreed to this? Someone’s grade is on the line, you don’t want to be responsible for that, and-

“Hey.” Kylo’s voice stops you in your tracks. You open your eyes, and he’s looking right at you, a small smile on his lips. “You’ll do fine. Just breathe.”

Breathe. Okay. You press play on your phone and the music that Rey’s picked beings to play through the speakers, filling the room with a haunting melody that instantly makes your bones shiver. “Well. We could start with…” you take a few steps onto your toes, do a pirouette, then let your leg extend out in front of you. You glance over at Kylo, who’s watching you intently. “Can you take my leg from here?” Delicately, he wraps a hand around your ankle. “Okay, on three, raise your arm. My leg will follow you, and I’ll go from a tilt into a turn where you can catch me between your arms.”

He looks a bit like a deer in the headlights. “Um. I have no idea what any of that means; I don’t want to hurt you…”

You smile. “You won’t, I’m pretty bendy. Just follow my lead.” Slowly, your leg moves up over your head and back down again, and you use the momentum to spin into Kylo’s arms. Face to face, you grin at him. “See? Easy.”

He huffs a little disbelievingly. “If you say so.”

The next hour is full of trial and error, with you basically making things up as you go along, backtracking and then re-dancing several spots until you get it just right. When you do the final bit for Rey, her eyes are wide. “Y/N. That was amazing! This is going to be fantastic!”

You blush. “Thanks, but it’s really nothing.”

“I think it’s pretty cool, anyways.” Kylo puts a hand on your arm and squeezes. “Nice job.”

Again with the blushing. You don’t know how you’re going to dance this intimately with this guy without flying apart at the handle. At least you’ve danced with worse partners before. “By the way, Rey, did you cast the part of that other guy you mentioned?”

“Oh, yeah.” She thumbs through her notes. “Some guy named… Armitage? We need an actual dancer for this part,” she says, giving an obvious call-out look to Kylo. “And he came recommended.”

You blanch. Speaking of worse partners. Armitage is a great dancer, sure, but he’s also a bit… obsessive. With his hair, with his turnout, and… with you. You’re pretty sure he’s been trying to go out with you since you were both thirteen and in class together. And now you have to dance with him playing your jealous wannabe lover? Fantastic.

Rey gives you a strange look. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll just… need some time to rehearse with him.”

“Sure, I can set that up.” She jots down a note on her sheet. “When we meet tomorrow we’re going to go over the acting parts, just so you know.”

“Fantastic,” you say weakly.

As you’re locking up the studio. Kylo stops you. “Hey. You okay? You looked a little pale there at the end.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine.” You’re going to leave it at that, but as you put the key in your pocket, you have the sudden urge to trust him. “It’s just…. Armitage.”

“You know him?”

You nod. “Unfortunately. He tends to get all over me when we partner together. I guess he likes me or something…” laughing nervously, you tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “It’s just kind of annoying.”

He’s frowning by now, listening to tell your tale with obvious worry. “Well, if you want, I can come to your guys’ rehearsal. That way you’re not alone with him.”

You glance up at him. “You’d do that? Really?”

“Sure. We’ll just pass it off as me trying to learn how to dance or something.”

“That’s… not a bad idea, actually.”

“See? It’ll be fine.” He shoulders his bag. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay.” He salutes as he walks off, and you can’t help but watch his retreating form for a minute before going on your way.

…

“So, you got all that?” The three of you are sitting at a table in the library, with Rey looking intently at you. “You dance with Armitage, and he wants you but you’re looking across the way at Kylo. You run off, cue the forest, you dance, big finale, and kiss. End scene.”

You sit there, not answering her. This is… a lot. Sure, you’re used to showing emotion on stage, but this seems complicated. “Sure… I think.”

“Awesome.” She checks her watch. “I’ve got to run, I’ll catch you guys later.” Kylo waves as she leaves and she waves back. You’ve never seen them, like, be intimate, but you’re pretty sure they’re a couple. They’re so friendly with each other, and always joshing around and teasing one another. You’re trying not to be disappointed by this conclusion.

“So, you’ve really got all this?” Kylo’s attention is now turned to you. “I know you’ve never done this before.”

“Yeeeeah.” You shake your head. “I think so? It’s just a lot…”

“I understand.” He sits back in his chair. “Walk me through it. Just so you can review it in your head.”

“Um, okay.” You lean forward and put your head in your hands, resting your elbows on the table. “So, I’m dancing with Armitage…”

“…which you choreographed today.”

“Yup. Thanks for being there, by the way. He was definitely better behaved.”

Kylo smirks a bit, but you’re not sure why. “Anytime. He did seem a little pretentious.”

You roll your eyes. “You have no idea. So, dance with Armitage, but I’m looking across at you the whole time. Once I break away from him we cut to running through the forest; I’m looking back over my shoulder and feeling worried. Then go to our duet.”

“Perfect. See? You’re a natural!”

You scoff. “Hardly. Hey, would you mind walking back out to that pond with me? I want to practice the choreography in the water.”

“Sure. Now?”

“I don’t see why not.” You’d packed a pair of old pointe shoes in your bag that you don’t mind getting ruined. “Might as well get it over with.”

“Oh, come on, I’m not that bad am I?”

You smile a little. “No. I suppose not.”

…

Back in the forest, you lace your shoes up to your ankles before stepping into the mud. Kylo follows, barefoot, jeans rolled up to his knees. He takes your hand and you carefully raise up on your toes, testing the stability of the pond’s floor. Surprisingly not bad. You can even take a couple steps. “Okay, ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” Your start the choreography, slowly, making sure you can keep your balance, and end up making it all the way through with only minor stumbles.

“Perfect.” You’re ready to leave when Kylo stops you.

“Rey said she wanted something big for the ending, right? Do you have any ideas?”

“Oh, right. Um…” You look around. “She said she wanted to use the trees…” there’s a sturdy looking branch right above Kylo’s head and you eye it. “Spot me real quick, will you?” He nods and steps aside as you jump up and grab on to the branch, jostling it up and down to test its strength. Seems hearty enough. “Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do. When I’m in the splits, you stand in front of me. I’ll fall, and my legs will end up wrapped around your waist. If your hands land on my lower back I can fall into a backbend. Got that?”

He nods and positions himself straight in front of you. You take a breath and let go, but Kylo is right there to catch you, and you end up wrapped around him, face to face. Oh. You hadn’t thought of the positioning of this, really. He’s looking at you with surprise, and to get away from his face you roll yourself slowly into a backbend, then back up. He’s still as close as before. Damn.

“And then, we kiss.” His voice is low, just for the two of you, and you feel like your stomach has dropped to your feet.

“About that.” You jump off of him and land neatly on the ground, concealing your nerves. “I haven’t really, um… done that. Before.”

He raises an eyebrow. “You’ve never kissed anyone?”

You shake your head nervously. “No. So I don’t really know what I’m doing there.”

“Color me surprised.”

“Excuse me?”

“I just thought- I mean, you’re gorgeous. I would’ve thought guys would be crawling all over you.”

You make a face. “Hardly.” He steps forward. You step back. He steps forward, you step back again. Giggling nervously to yourself, you aim for the edge of the pond where a clean pair of sweats and non-muddy shoes are waiting. “So, um, we have a date set for shooting?”

“Yup.” He nods and follows your lead, seemingly unrattled by the surprisingly intimate moment that had just happened. “Wednesday we meet out on the lawn, and then we’ll film here. That good with you?”

Wednesday. You have until Wednesday to figure out how to somehow be okay with wrapping your legs around- and kissing- this guy. Who is sweet and tall and has great hair and- has a girlfriend, you remind yourself. You wonder if Rey will get uncomfortable seeing the two of you kiss. You’d be a little weirded out asking someone to kiss your boyfriend for a class project. But she had asked, so…

You breathe. You’ll cross that bridge when you come too it.

…

Wednesday comes much too soon. The days beforehand are interspersed with meetings with Rey, more practice in the woods both by yourself and with Kylo- though you always stop before the finish- and sadly, another rehearsal with Armitage. But Kylo continued to make good on his word and be there in the dance studio whenever you needed him to be, which definitely kept Armitage much more in check than he would have been if the two of you had been alone. You always tried to keep your focus on Armitage- he was your rehearsal partner, after all- but your eye kept being drawn to the boy in the corner, head in his hands, watching you dance. He’s mesmerizing. And having his eyes on you makes you a strange combination of nervous, giddy, and… maybe a little turned on.

He has a girlfriend, he has a girlfriend, he has a girlfriend…

You sit on a bench underneath some trees on the grand lawn of your campus, lacing up your shoes. Students mill around here and there, some in hammocks or on picnic blankets studying and enjoying the nice day. Rey and Armitage are already here, talking about something or other as Rey takes test shots with her camera. Armitage certainly looks the part of a romantic lead- red hair swept back to reveal severe features and cool blue eyes, dressed in all white in contrast to Kylo’s black ensemble. But still, the thought of him spotting you- which usually means his hands in semi-intimate places- makes your stomach squirm a bit.

But your thoughts brighten a bit when you spot Kylo heading towards your group, bag slung over his shoulder. You wave, and he waves back, making you smile. He may not be a dancer, but he’s the only one you want to dance with.

“What is he doing here?” Armitage’s voice cuts through the rustling of the leaves and straight into your skull.

Rey glances behind her, unconcerned. “Kylo? He just can’t leave me alone,” she teases, sticking her tongue out at the approaching figure. There’s no way Kylo could have heard what she said, but he nonetheless responds with his own stuck-out tongue. “Nah, he’s going to be holding another angle while you two dance. More interesting to splice together that way.”

The ginger huffs, arms crossed. “I thought it would be just me and Y/N. We’re supposed to be in love, being alone would make for much better chemistry.”

“Well, technically you’re in love. She’s in love with Kylo.” You know she’s talking about your characters, but the insinuation still makes your ears burn. “Don’t worry, he’s just another man behind the camera. You shouldn’t notice him too much.”

You can tell Armitage still isn’t happy, but he quiets down the objections as you approach, instead turning a brilliant smile toward you. “Y/N. You look lovely.”

You glance down at the flow gray dress Rey picked out for you. “Thanks, Armitage.”

He holds out one hand and you take it as gently as possible, trying to prevent as much contact as possible for as long as possible. But he closes his hand around yours and pulls you closer the second he feels your fingertips, almost making you flinch. Now’s not the time. Be professional.

Kylo wanders over with his own camera, Rey finishes her technical whatnot, and the two of you take your starting positions on the bench. “Ready?” Rey calls, and you nod. “Three, two, one. Go!”

The scene plays out smoothly, almost like you’re watching yourself through your own eyes. Armitage advances, and you retreat, eventually leading into a duet where he’s constantly pulling you in and you’re trying to free yourself. Every time you take a step opposite his direction, he finds a way to trap you into another spin or leap. As hard as you’re concentrating on the choreography, the most natural part of the whole thing is looking off into the distance, reaching for a Kylo who’s looking on, wanting him to come rescue you, wanting to run to him but something holding you back-

“Cut!” Very suddenly, your headspace is broken as you all fall out of position. You’re breathing heavily, loose hair sticking to your neck, and reeling a little from just how into the scene you got. “This looks awesome, guys, I don’t even think we’ll have to do another take.”

Small victories. You turn to Armitage, who is still looking flawless even after all the turning. Typical. “Thanks for uh, working with me again. It was fun.”

He nods. “Absolutely.” He takes your hand, and the second he does Kylo’s head shoots up from where he’s looking through the viewfinder with Rey, immediately aware of how uncomfortable you look. You don’t notice, though, you’re just trying to pull your hand away. “And please know I’m always available to talk, or practice, whatever you need. Maybe we could grab a bite to eat after rehearsal this weekend…”

“Maybe,” you reply weakly, finally wrenching your hand away. “I, um, I appreciate it.”

…

The cool woods, bathed in sunset, is a welcome change from the bright daylight out on the lawn. The trees are spindly and barren, making the whole place look like an abandoned forest, beauty hidden within the branches as the sunlight dapples through them. Rey had you run through the woods a few times, constantly looking back over your shoulder for ‘Armitage’,who might be chasing you. But finally you get to the pond, where Kylo is waiting for you just like a creature of the night, blending in perfectly with he shadows starting to darken and lengthen on the ground.

As you step out to the middle of the lake to meet him, the anxiety in your chest loosens, and you feel like you can breathe again. It even makes you smile a little. This, you can do. This, you can put your heart into.

This dance is a joy to do. You practically fly, not even the dense water holding you back as you twirl around Kylo, a steady presence among the shifting surface of the lake. The look on his face is one of love, of want, and slowly you find yourself mirroring it. Every time he touches you, it becomes electric. Every time your eyes meet, you have a hard time catching your breath back.

Finally, you spring up to grab the tree branch, still dangling overhead. As Kylo moves in to catch you, you close your eyes and let go, trusting that he’ll be there. He is, just like always. Your legs catch his hips, wrapping securely around his torso, and you dip into the deepest and most graceful backbend of your life, feeling safe with Kylo’s hand squarely on the small of your back. As you roll up, you only have a moment for the thought of oh crap- now what? To flash through your head before you’re suddenly face to face.

You look at him. He looks at you. Both of you are breathing hard, from the dance and something else exhilarating in the air you can’t quite name. Whatever it is, it’s almost tangible, dancing among the trees just like you were a minute ago.

The kiss is hurried, desperate- the kiss of two people who have wanted each other for so long but haven’t had their chance until now. It’s different than you thought it’d be. His lips are soft, and he smells a little like mint and a little like the trees of the woods, a heady combination that makes you want to burrow into his side and never come out. You’re not quite sure where to put your nose, or how to keep your teeth out of the way, but it doesn’t seem to matter all that much. After a few seconds something swells in your chest like nothing ever has before, a feeling usually reserved for taking the final bow after a long concert or perfectly breaking in a shiny new pair of shoes.

Almost simultaneously, the two of you pull away from each other, both staring wide-eyed as that tangible feeling begins to dissipate into the air, leaving a comforting sort of silence. Completely forgetting about Rey, the camera, and the project, you smile at Kylo, wondering if he had felt that magic something that had shivered its way through your body.

“Cut.” Rey doesn’t even yell it, she just states it like a matter-of-fact. The two of you startle, abruptly pulled out of your own little world. “That was…” Rey shakes her head slowly. “That was something else.”

“Cool,” Kylo whispers, responding to her but still looking wondrously at you.

“Yeah,” you whisper back. His arms tighten around you, just for a second, before letting you settle back onto the ground. You look around, where mud has been kicked up onto the bank, as well as all over your dress and Kylo’s jeans. Rey hasn’t escaped either, and is meticulously wiping a dirt spatter from her camera lens. You giggle. “We made a bit of a mess, I think.”

Kylo grins and offers you his hand, which you take, helping you back over to land. “All In the name of passion, right?”

Your cheeks flare, which you try to cover by leaning down and straightening the hem of your dress. “Something like that.”

“Guys, that was amazing. Like, seriously.” Rey climbs up to the bank.

“Can I see some of it?” Now that it’s finished, you’re genuinely curious at what you look like- and you’re sure that kiss looks horribly awkward. Maybe you should ask her to redo it…

“Nope! It’s gonna be a surprise at the final viewing. I’m editing it myself, so Kylo won’t see it either.” Kylo rolls his eyes and begins changing into clean clothes he brought from a duffel.

“Rey is all about the surprise factor.” He turns to you. “We’ll see it in a week, I guess. Have you ever been to Griffin Hall? It’s the big digitorium on the edge of campus. That’s where they’re hosting the viewings.” You shake your head. “Well, why don’t I pick you up then? Just so you don’t get lost.”

As much as you don’t want to admit it, seeing Kylo again would be… nice. Very nice. “Yeah- yeah, that sounds great. Thank you.”

…

You fidget with your hair, placing one last bobby pin into your braided crown when there’s a knock on the door. Kylo. You take a deep breath. You haven’t seen him in a week, not really, except for waving to him a few times going to and from classes. He was usually talking with Rey, and you didn’t want to disturb them.

Taking one last look in the mirror, you turn the lock and open the door, where Kylo is standing in a slightly more fancy version of his usual black ensemble, a smile on his face. He instantly raises an eyebrow. “Wow.”

You frown. “What?”

“You look amazing.”

You’re wearing a chiffon dress that floats lazily at your sides, tied in a halter by a satin bow. You even traded your ballet flats for heels that criss-cross up past your ankles, mimicking the ribbons of your pointe shoes. “Thanks,” you smile. “You don’t look to bad yourself.”

He sighs heavily, like his outfit is the bane of his existence. “Rey made me wear the tie.”

You laugh as you reach out to smooth out a bubble in said tie. “Well, it looks very nice.”

“Are you two done? We’re going to be late!” Rey appears behind Kylo in a cream wrap dress with a brown belt. “I want to get good seats!”

Oh. Rey is here. Of course she would be, though. You shake thoughts of being alone with Kylo out of your head and grab your purse. “Ready if you are.”

The digitorium is done up in lights, with students dressed in their cocktail best streaming through the double doors. You blanch a little when you see all the pizzazz. “I didn’t realize this was such a big deal.”

“I mean, the senior film festival always draws a bit of a crowd. There are awards at the end of the night that the audience votes on based on what films they like the best,” Rey explains. So, basically, everyone is going to see you crushing on Kylo- you might as well admit it to yourself- on the big screen. Fantastic.

“Rey!” A black guy in a tan jacket and another in a ridiculously vibrant orange blazer walk over. “Ready to get your ass beat?”

“You wish, Finn! Your little adventure plot is no match for my romantic thriller,” Rey says dramatically, but giving the guy- Finn- a hug nonetheless. “Besides, everyone knows Poe here can’t hold any attention on the big screen.”

“Hey now!” Poe, in the orange blazer, tosses his hair back from his forehead like a teen heartthrob from the nineties. “I’m a stud and you know it.”

“Oh, just come on already. May the best film win!” The three of them dash off towards the entrance, apparently in a race to get the best seats.

You raise an eyebrow at Kylo. “Friends of hers?”

He snorts. “More like partners in crime. Finn is another directing major, he and Poe did some sort of aviation adventure thing I think.” He holds out his arm, and after a few seconds you hesitantly slip your arm through the crook of his. “Shall we?” You let him lead you into the building, not sure how you’re going to get through tonight.

There are six films in total. Finn and Poe’s was indeed an action-adventure flick, featuring Poe crash landing on an island and having to do a man-vs-wild sort of challenge. You recognize the same forest you danced in with Kylo in the background of some of their shots. Everyone goes crazy when the credits roll, you included, and the two friends stand in their seats to take a bow, both trying to outdo the other. You smile- they’re clearly class favorites.

“I think we’re up,” Kylo whispers, and sure enough, Rey’s name in bold letters appears on a black screen. You hold your breath. Hopefully Rey worked some magic and you wouldn’t look like an idiot in front of all these people.

To your shock, you don’t look like an idiot. In fact, you look- almost beautiful. Armitage never looks away from you the whole time you’re dancing, but it’s clear your mind is somewhere else- on someone else. The screen cuts away from the dance a few times to show a serene Kylo standing in the distance, looking on at the two of you on the lawn. As you finally pull away from Armitage, thanks to a close up on your face, you can see a tear leak down your cheek. You put a hand up to your face. You don’t even remember crying.

Trees fly past as the two of you run through the forest from opposite sides until you meet eyes from across the pond. Kylo holds out his hand and you delicately take it, stepping into the water- the pointe shoes make it looks like you’re dancing on the surface, rather than on the muddy pond floor. The dance whirls and races and sometimes slows and wavers, but never loses intensity or drive. Rey has managed to capture all the best angles, every facial expression, every slosh of the water as you kick up mud in a way that’s almost graceful.

As you fall from the tree branch, you catch yourself sitting on the edge of your seat, holding your breath. Everyone in the auditorium is too, and even though you know what happens next, you can’t help but smile a little when you kiss on screen. The last lingering shot is of the two of you looking at each other with mirrored expressions- disbelief, release, and love. Lots of love.  

The screen fades to black, and for a few moments the crowd is silent, making you sink down into your chair a little. Did they not like it? You thought Rey did an amazing job-

Your thoughts are cut off by thunderous applause rising from the rows of people, and even some cheering and whistling. Across the way, Rey proudly takes a bow amidst all the noise, and you find yourself clapping wildly as well, smiling at her success. Suddenly, Rey gestures to you, and before you know it Kylo is pulling you up out of your seat, holding your hand aloft like you’ve just won the olympics. In shock, you laugh, and he does too, giddy and high on everyone’s well wishes.

This is so much better than any dance concert you’ve ever done.

…

After the event, Rey is posing on stage with her professors, a small gold trophy in her hand- Audience Favorite, apparently by a landslide. You and Kylo wait for her outside amongst the rest of the crowd, who are milling about, discussing the night and their opinions.

“Well? What do you think? Caught the acting bug?”

“Maybe,” you admit sheepishly. “This was… incredible.”

“Yeah.” There’s a wistful look on his face, and in his eyes you can see just how much he loves what he does. “You never get sick of it.”

“Come on, guys!” Rey comes bounding over with her friends, who are holding a certificate for best editing. “Are we ready for the best part?”

“The best part?” You look at her, confused. She gives you a wicked grin. “The afterparty.”

…

Not an hour later, you’re standing against the wall of someone’s house, drink in your hand, trying not to draw too much attention to yourself. The room is dimly lit, and music is blasting, but you can vaguely make out some of the people you recognize from the films you saw and their directors. Apparently the afterparty is what everyone is really waiting for at the end of the night.

You think you’d just rather go home. Parties aren’t really your scene.

“Y/N!” A familiar figure cuts through the crowd, and before you can dodge away, Armitage is standing way too close, pushing you up against the wall. “How great did we look up there? We should dance together more often!”

You roll your eyes, practically gagging at all the alcohol on his breath. “Sure, Armitage. I’m gonna, um, go to the bathroom-” you try to slip away but he grabs your wrist, hard, making you freeze.

“Come on, Y/N.” He has to shout over the crowd, but you can hear him loud and clear. “It’s obvious we should be together. We’re the best dancers in our program. We look amazing together. We’d be unstoppable.” His demeanor suddenly changes, and he uses his hips to push you against the wall once more, still holding onto you so you can’t escape. “I know you want me, Y/N. It was just a matter of time.”

“Armitage, let me go! I don’t-” you shove him off, a little scared. “I don’t like you like that, okay? I’m sorry!”

His face darkens. “What, who is it? Who else is there?” He stops. “It’s that Kylo guy isn’t it. You’re into him. Instead of me.”

“N- no, I just-”

“I knew it.” There’s a fury in his eyes that you’ve never seen before. “You need to be with me, Y/N. I’ll show you- I’ll make you see it!” He throws himself at you, holding you tighter than ever, and you’re struggling to pull away but you can’t, he’s stronger than you, and he’s so close you can smell him and his hips are against yours-

Suddenly, air. Without anything to hold you up, you collapse to the ground, hard, chest heaving. You taste salt, and roughly try to rub the tears off your cheeks. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Kylo is towering over Armitage, practically holding him by the neck. “None of your business, weirdo,” Armitage snarls, but Kylo throws him back so hard he bangs his head against the wall behind him.

Somehow, even though Kylo leans in close, you can still hear his voice over the music. “You touch her again, you’re dead,” he hisses. “If I see you within twenty feet of her you’ll have me to deal with.”

“Fuck off, you’re not-”

He suddenly goes silent, probably because Kylo just decked him in the nose. As drunk as he is, Armitage rag dolls onto the ground, out cold. It’d be almost comical if he hadn’t just tried to- no. Don’t think about that. You feel more tears, hot and painful, well up in your eyes, which are staring at Armitage’s limp body just a few feet away from you. “Y/N? Y/N.” It takes a minute, but you finally focus on Kylo, who has kneeled down in front of you. He holds out a hand and you cling to it, shaky, trying not to sob or scream or both. “Let’s get you out of here, okay?” You nod, but don’t move. Your legs won’t seem to work. Without saying a word, Kylo scoops you up as if you weigh nothing and begins to carry you through the crowd. Where, you don’t know, and you don’t care, as long as it’s away, away, away- you bury your head into his chest, trembling, curling in on yourself and closing your eyes tight as he brings you to safety.

Safety comes in the form of the backyard, cool and dark, big enough so that the music and the house is just a distant thrumming in the night. Kylo sets you down on the grass, gently, then sits beside you. You’re still frozen, so he wraps an arm around your shoulder and pulls you close to his side, and you wrap it tighter around you like he’s your lifeline.

He is, in a way. He just- he just stopped- “Thank you,” you whisper, and you can feel his chest rumbling as he responds.

“I don’t think he’ll be bothering you again.”

You shake your head, and fall quiet. The two of you just sit there, looking at the stars and hearing the din of the party in the background. Every nerve in your body should be on fire right now, but the longer you sit by Kylo’s side, the safer you feel.

“Can I tell you something stupid,” you say, and he shifts away from you a little so he can hear you better.

“Of course.”

You groan and pull your knees up to your chest, resting your head on them. “It’s so stupid. And embarrassing.”

“Y/N, it’s okay, really.” He taps one of your hands lightly with a finger, then takes it in his own and entwines your fingers with his. “You can tell me anything.”

“I really like you,” you admit, eyes squeezed shut so you won’t see his reaction. “Really really like you. And I know we basically just met and I know nothing about you and you and Rey seem really happy together and I’m glad, I really am, but-”

“Whoa, whoa, back up.” He shifts so he’s sitting in front of you, but you can’t bring yourself to show your face. “Me and Rey? What now?”

You sniffle a little. “Your girlfriend, dummy. You guys are great together and I know that, but I just had to tell you because-”

“Y/N, stop.” You do. He tucks a piece of hair that’s escaped your braid behind your ear, which gives you the courage to look up at him. The moonlight is glinting off of him in a way that makes him look unreal. Unearthly beautiful. And there’s a smile on his face- oh, god, he’s laughing at you, you shouldn’t have said anything- “you know Rey and I are cousins, right?”

They-

Cousins?

“Oh.” That’s all you seem to know how to say. You just sit there and look at him, dumbfounded, and also feeling incredibly, incredibly stupid.

“Yeah. We’re not- we’re not a couple.” He shudders a little, seemingly at the thought, and laughs a little. “We basically grew up together. She’s like my little sister.”

This time you say nothing, your heart thumping out of your chest. With embarrassment, yes, but way deep down, if you look closely, there’s also a little flare of something. Something that might be a tiny, tiny spark of hope.

You look at him. He looks at you. Then, ever so carefully, he reaches forward and pulls you towards him, settling you onto his lap. Automatically, your arms go around his neck, and your legs around his waist- a mirror image of your kiss in the woods.

And you’re very, very close.

“Tell me if this isn’t okay,” he whispers, and then he can’t say anything else because he’s kissing you.

This kiss is different than the other- soft, slow, and hesitant. Barely there really, just a whisper of something, a hint of admission. He gives you time and space to pull away, but instead, you pull him back towards you, take a breath, and kiss him back. You still don’t know what you’re doing, but he guides you through it was small touches and a tilt of the head- and when a pathetic sound of want escapes your throat, he kisses you deeper, until you’re flush against him and you can feel his heart beating in his chest. Your hand finds its way to his curls and buries itself in them, his wander to your waist and the small of your back. You’re as close as you can possibly be and it’s still not enough- but it’s also the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to you.

Eventually, he pulls away, because you’re breathing hard and maybe still crying a little. He wipes a tear away with the pad of his thumb, and you laugh breathlessly to yourself. “Sorry, I- I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“Hm.” He’s staring at you so intensely his eyes sparkle like the stars above. “There was something in the air, when you were dancing with me. I think it followed us here.”

“It wasn’t just me, then?”

“”Stars, no.” A small smile flickers across his face. “I couldn’t believe I got to be your first kiss.”

“And second.”

“And third?”

You giggle, feeling that magic swirl around the two of you, before meeting him in the middle again. And again. And again.

[seouledbysisi]

New World

Chapter 4

Gianna & Mia

A couple weeks had passed and the girls still had lacked to find an outfit for the concert. Gianna threw everything out of her closet trying to put something together but nothing seemed worthy enough to wear to the concert. “Mia!” She yelled.

Mia ran into her room. She was shocked at the hurricane that had blew through Gianna's bedroom. “What the hell happened here?”

Gianna sat on the floor in the middle of all the clothes. “I need a new wardrobe, that's what happened.”

Mia leaned against the panel of the door. “I'm having the same problem. The concert is tomorrow and I was really trying to save money but the clothes I have don't scream 'I'm about to hang out with NCT'”

Gianna sighed. “Let's go! I got you. I owe you anyway for putting up with Adam on that date.”

Mia stopped her. “I'm not allowing you to buy me anything!”

“You don't have a choice! Now C'mon, the concert is tomorrow.” Gianna grabbed her hand and they headed for the door.

They were in Gianna's car waiting for the light to turn green when they noticed a big tour bus with NCT's faces on it.

Mia screamed. “They're here! Oh my gosh! My heart!”

“Calm down, you're going to give yourself a freaking heart attack!” Gianna laughed.

Mia tried to control her breathing. “They're literally right there, how are you not losing your shit right now?”

“Oddly I honestly have no idea how I'm holding it together!”

“If I haven't even seen their faces yet imagine how I'm going to be tomorrow! I'm not trying to scare them but I might just faint.” Mia said as she stared at the tour bus.

“Well if you do, make sure you're near Johnny so he can catch you!” Gianna laughed.

Mia smiled. “Wouldn't that be the most wonderful thing ever? It'd be like I fell for him.”

The light finally turned green. It seemed as if they has been sitting there forever.

“Bye Johnny!” Mia waved at the tour bus as it slowly but surely disappeared.

They finally arrived at the mall. They visited a variety of stores and were having so much trouble finding something to wear. “Why is luck not on our side?” Gianna asked as she put back another outfit.

Mia had an eye for fashion. She picked up a shirt that she knew would look good on Gianna. “I know this isn't ordinarily your style but I think you have the bed figure for it.”

Gianna put it against her and took a look in the mirror. “I don't know, Mia. . .”

“Can you please just trust me?” Mia winked.

Gianna took a deep breath. “What would I wear with it?”

Mia looked around for awhile until she found the perfect match. “You just sit back, relax, and let me work my magic. Taeyong isn't gonna know what to do when he sees you.”

Gianna rolled her eyes. “I doubt it but whatever you say.”

Mia found herself something to wear and they decided to grab a bite to eat since they were already out.

“So did they finally email you with the details for tomorrow?” Gianna asked as she popped a grape into her mouth.

Mia grabbed her phone and signed into her email. “Oh my gosh they sent this email hours ago and I'm just now seeing it.” She rolled her eyes.

“What does it say?”

“So we have to meet them at Adventurdome tomorrow at 1pm. GiGi this just so real!”

Gianna took a deep breath. “They're really trying to give me a heart attack I swear! I hate roller coasters!”

“Well I love them, and if I get to act scared and hold Johnny's hands, then I'm all for it!”

“I'm so sick of your mess.” Gianna laughed. “I'm not riding anything. I refuse!”

Mia squinted her eyes at Gianna. “So you're telling me that if Taeyong asked you to ride something with him you wouldn't?”

“That's exactly what I'm telling you!” Gianna sipped her sparkling water.

Mia shook her head. “I'll believe it when I see it.”

Gianna shrugged. “So, how long will we be with them?”

“The concert starts at 7pm and it says that their schedule with us should be over by 5.”

Gianna simply nodded.

NCT 127

After the guys checked into their hotel, the manager sent out a bulk message for them to all meet in Taeyong and Jaehyun's shared hotel room for a quick meeting.

“I wanted to go over some ground rules for tomorrow.” The manager started.

The guys all nodded.

“We want you to have all the fun in the world but we also need you to be very respectful. We don't know much about the winner so she could possibly be bringing a parent with her. You never know. Be on your best behaviors. You don't want anything to go wrong. She deserves the best day that you all can possibly give her. Am I clear?”

“What are the plans for tomorrow?” Taeyong inquired.

“You have a interview at 8am and then afterwards y'all will be able to change into something more comfortable. You'll meet with the winner at an amusement park called Adventuredome at 1.”

All the guys collectively yelled from excitement.

“Hell yeah!” Mark blurted out.

“After that we we will go grab a bite to eat with the winner and then you'll have to get ready for the concert. You'll have a very busy day.” The manager informed.

“Where are we eating?” Johnny asked. All he was worried about was getting some nice food in his system.

The manager laughed. “That will be up to the winner. We're going to allow her to treat us to wherever she thinks we should go. You will have a bit more of freedom at the amusement park because it's rented out solely for you guys so no one will be there but you and the staff.”

“Woah! That's big!” Haechan added.

“Are y'all ready?”

“I think we are!” Taeyong said as he looked at the other guys.

Gianna & Mia

Gianna's alarm went off a few times yet she kept snoozing not realizing what time it was. She dozed back off to lala land.

Mia burst through the door and snatched her covers back. “Girl if you don't get your ass up right now I'm leaving you!”

Gianna rubbed her eyes. “What time is it?”

“It's 11:30! Get up!”

Gianna rolled over and looked at the time on her phone. Her eyes bulged when saw that Mia wasn't kidding. She jumped out of bed quickly and ran to the bathroom to brush her teeth.

“I'm going to finish getting ready, I'll meet you in the living room.” Mia told her as she closed her door behind her.

Gianna was glad that she had just gotten her hair fixed the other day so all she needed to do was refresh her curls a bit which wouldn't take long at all. Makeup was a different story. It always took her forever to perfect her makeup and on a day like this there was no time for mistakes.

About forty five minutes later she emerged from her bedroom.

Mia jumped up off the couch. “I knew that outfit was going to be so cute on you.”

Gianna did a cute little pose. “It does doesn't it?” She flipped her long waves off of her shoulder.

Mia's hair was half up in a high bun and the rest down flowing into waves.

“You look to die for, though but I mean I didn't expect anything less.” Gianna complimented. “You ready to go?”

“For sure!”

They pulled up into the parking lot of the amusement park.

“Why is there hardly any vehicles?” Gianna asked as she parked.

Mia pulled her shades up and took a look around. “Maybe their just not that busy today.”

“The tour bus isn't even here. How they gonna be late for their own thing? That's hella rude!” Gianna laughed.

Mia shrugged and got out of the car pulling her shades back down.

As Gianna stepped out, they saw the entrance door open and the guys emerged. Thank Goodness they both had on shades or else the guys would've saw their eyes almost pop out of their sockets.

They ran over to the girls.

“Hey, ladies how are y'all?” Johnny asked as he grabbed Mia's hand and kissed it softly.

Mia simply stared at her hand.

“We're good. How are y'all?” Gianna asked. She was keeping her emotions in check pretty well.

“Really good. It's nice to meet you.” Taeyong smiled.

The manager stepped in front of the guys. “So which of you is Mia?”

Johnny wrapped his arm around Mia's shoulder. “This is definitely her!” He had a huge smile on his face.He remembered what she looked like from the pictures that he and Taeyong had saw.

Mia stuttered for a moment. “Yeah, I'm her. This is my best friend Gianna. We're really happy that y'all gave us this opportunity.”

“We're happy that you wrote so many great things about us! The pleasure is all ours.” Taeyong nodded.

“So are we gonna ride some rides or not?” Mark asked.

The managers beckoned for them to head inside.

Gianna took a seat on one of the benches. She was terrified of heights, and roller coasters in general.

Jungwoo noticed her sitting and headed in her direction. “Miss? You're not having fun?” He asked.

Gianna giggled. “No, I am. I just don't really like coasters.”

Jungwoo smiled and called Taeyong over. “She doesn't like roller coasters.”

Taeyong looked around the building. “Have you ever been on one?”

Gianna shook her head.

Taeyong reached for her hand. “That one isn't scary at all. Come with me?”

She looked up at the coaster and felt like he obviously wasn’t seeing what she was seeing. “I-I don't think so.”

Taeyong placed his hand over his heart as if she had hurt him. “You're breaking my heart. Please? If you hate it, you can blame it all on me.”

Mia ran over to her. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing, they want me to ride that big roller coaster.” Gianna sighed.

“That one is a piece of cake. A baby could ride it.” Mia wasn’t making things any better.

Taeyong reached for her hand again and pulled her off of the bench. “If you get scared I have a hand that doesn't mind being held.”

Gianna rolled her eyes. “Whatever, let's go.”

After all of the exhilarating rides they all met up with the manager who was keeping them on a time schedule. “Are you ladies hungry?”

“Starving actually. I woke up late so we headed straight here after we got ready.” Gianna admitted. She was thanking the heavens above that her stomach wasn't growling loudly. That would've been the most embarrassing thing ever.

“Have any ideas of where we should eat?” Johnny asked.

Mia thought for a moment. “I know this place that has the coolest rooftop deck. It's called Carson Kitchen, is that okay?”

The manager nodded. “Lead the way. We'll follow you there.”

Carson Kitchen

They all arrived there shortly and were seated on the rooftop deck.

“So, tell us about you.” Taeyong said as he looked from Mia to Gianna.

Gianna smiled. “How about y'all ask the questions and we'll answer.”

Taeyong smirked. “Yes ma'am! I seen on Mia's page that she's in college. What major?”

“I'm a design student. We both will be graduating next month.” Mia answered.

“Congratulations!” Haechan nodded in their direction.

“So, Gianna what's your major?” Johnny asked.

“I'm majoring in journalism but I have a minor in digital broadcasting.”

Doyoung clapped. “You must be smart.”

“Not as smart as you’d think. I've just always had a passion for writing so it comes naturally.”

Mia smiled at her. “I wish I could take the credit for that essay but she put it all together. It was both of our feelings and thoughts but she arranged it to sound better than I ever could’ve.

“Good work. I wouldn't mind seeing more.” Taeyong told her with a smile.

“Comedy or horror?” Taeil asked.

“Comedy.” Gianna laughed.

“Horror. The scarier the better!” Mia answered.

Taeyong nodded. “I’m with you!”

“Ideal type?” Johnny asked.

Gianna's eyes got big.

“Johnny! No!” The manager shook his head.

“No, it's fine. I want y'all to be as authentic as possible. My ideal type would be someone who treats me like a princess and knows what my worth is and makes sure I'm happy. Someone who keeps me laughing and does everything in his power to keep from losing me.” Mia answered with a smile.

They all stared at Gianna waiting on her to answer.

“Gianna? What's yours?” Mark asked.

Gianna snapped out of her trance. “It's pretty simple. I like a caring and charismatic guy. Someone whose spontaneous and likes to have fun. I like him to have a bit of edge because if I'm being honest I like a tad bit of drama every once in a while. Basically I just want someone who makes me believe in love.”

“Single or taken?” Johnny asked.

Taeyong hit his leg under the table.

“What?” Johnny mouthed.

“I'm embarrassed to even say but single.” Gianna covered her face shyly.

“There's nothing wrong with being single. Someone will come along and make you happy.” Jungwoo assured her.

“Plus you're pretty and you seem to have big dreams and aspirations. Some guy will be lucky to have you.” Haechan added with his angelic smile.

“Do you have a lucky guy, Mia?” Johnny asked as he stared deeply at her.

Her palms began to sweat a little. She took a sip of her drink. “Nope. Single as a pringle.”

“Me too. I guess we're single together.” Johnny flashed her his signature smile.

Taeil and Taeyong both hit him under the table.

“Y'all have got to stop hitting me!” He yelled.

The girls both burst out laughing.

They finished up their food and headed downstairs to leave. The ladies exited first and noticed a huge pack of girls waiting outside the restaurant with their phones out.

When the fans noticed NCT they bombarded them with screams. All you could see was flashing lights. Mia and Gianna were so disoriented. They didn't know which way to turn because it was so many screaming fans trying to get their hands on the guys. Somehow the ladies got separated in the midst of the chaos so Gianna was looking around for her best friend but to no avail. “Mia!” She yelled, attempting to be heard over the screaming crowd.

After awhile she felt someone grab her hand and jerk her back inside the restaurant. When she came to her senses she realized that Taeyong was still holding her hand.

Taeyong rubbed her hair out of her face. “Are you okay?”

Gianna looked back out towards the door. She could see NCT's security trying to disperse the crowd so that they could leave.

Taeyong grabbed her cheek softly. Gianna became a bit startled at how close he was to her. “Gianna, it's okay. They're just excited. You're not hurt are you?”

She shook her head as she took a deep breath. “I'm fine. Where's Mia?” She was starting to panic.

He gave her a small smile and pointed towards the back of the restaurant where the other guys were. “She's with them. Are you sure you're okay?” He noticed her arm was bleeding a little.

When she saw what he was staring at she covered her arm with her hand. “Someone must have scratched me on accident. It's fine, really.”

He grabbed a napkin and moved her hand away so he could wipe the blood off. “I don't know how they found us. I'm so sorry.”

[doomedandstoned]

The Great, Big

MONOLORD

Interview

~Words & Photos by Angelique Le Marchand~

This afternoon, I am catching up with Gothenburg’s finest doom import MONOLORD at the iconic Royal Albert Hall for an interview, just before they take on the stage. They will be opening for Black Label Society, concluding a European tour of twenty-one dates with the Californian metal legends. I arrive at 5pm, taking time to admire the stunning dome-shaped Victorian concert hall, exquisitely decorated by an opulent mosaic frieze. Inaugurated by Her Majesty Queen Victoria in 1871, the 5000-capacity concert hall is a true iconic London venue and a special treat for any concertgoer. The fact that tonight Royal Albert Hall is indulging in a doom and heavy metal program is very unusual, as it is normally known for its opera and classical music concerts.

I walk past a respectable number of hirsute gentlemen dressed in bikers’ leathers and denim sleeveless jackets covered in BLS patches, who are already lining up hours before the show to get in front of the stage -- a surreal slighting outside this opulent Victorian building. I make my way to the stage door where I am greeted attentively by an older gentleman in a Dickensian 3-piece suit who fits comme-il-faut in the plush Victorian reception area and I am quickly granted access. Drummer Esben Willems arrives to our interview suite first, followed by bassist Mika Häkki and vocalist and guitarist Thomas V. Jäger. Monolord immediately come across as a very warm bunch with gentle manners, too, as each courteously knocks on the door before entering the room.

We promptly break the ice by discussing our love of coffee. As coffee connoisseur myself, I am curious to find out how they cater to what, for me, are essential needs while temporarily living on a tour bus. I express relief as Thomas tells me that they have a proper coffee machine on their current sleeper. The band recall with good humour having to power-up solely on a disappointing light-brown substance served in gas stations on their recent tour in the States. "I don’t know what it is," says Mika. "It looks brewed, but it tastes like something completely different." "It’s not coffee," adds Esben. "It’s hot and it’s light brown, that’s it. It tastes horrible!" Following along with the topic of bare essentials on tour, I am curious to hear what Monolord have on their rider, if they have a rider at all, and keen to find out if they have any strange items that could somehow get us to know them a little better. My curiosity is instantly met with a witty comeback.

Thomas: "We don’t have such strange things; we have a framed photo of Bill Ward."

Mika, protesting: "But that’s not strange!"

Thomas: "No, but that is to others."

Mika: "Ah! To others. Ok then, I got ya."

Doomed & Stoned: "Some people have fresh socks!"

Esben: "We should have fresh socks. People have told us this. We should learn to have that."

Thomas: "But we might not get the framed photo of Bill Ward. And the expresso."

Esben: "That’s right! So we have to choose."

Mika, laughing: "We have to prioritise!"

Esben: "Bill Ward over socks."

Road Stories

Monolord are a band that spends a lot of time on the road, touring extensively since the release of their first album Empress Rising in 2014, with the past twelve months being particularly frenetic. While all three members of the band agree on missing their home life, Mika explains he is also missing his two dogs left in the caring hands of his wife, while Esben expresses being apart from his 3 year-old little boy is the roughest part. Living on a tour bus for such extended periods of time can take its toll on your body as it’s near impossible to get uninterrupted sleep between two dates due to bumpy rides constantly waking you up as soon as you manage to drift off. Thomas recalls driving through Northern France to get to London being a particularly rough one, while Esben compares crossing through parts of Poland to "driving through cornfields." "It’s like all the roads around Berlin. You know when you’re arriving in Berlin, because it’s jumping all the over the place," Mika recalls. Thomas adds that you might just finally manage to fall asleep when the bus stops, in which case you may have arrived at the next destination. "But then it’s time to go up and eat breakfast, so you can’t sleep anyway. So, you have to choose between eating or more sleep." In light of the fact that Monolord have been on the road for nearly a month now, it is understandable that sleeping would come up so high amongst home comforts the band are missing the most. "So that’s why we need Bill Ward," laughs Esben.

Monolord recall their tour Down Under with Ufomammut in 2016, which is amongst their favourite. Monolord and Ufomammut met in New Zealand, immediately hit it off and very quickly decided to go organize a short co-headlining tour. "They were super sweet, really nice guys to tour with," remembers Esben. "We met them on a few other tours when we crossed their paths in Europe after that. It was really good!" Mika finds it hard to pick his favourite tour or show, as on every one of them, something he will never forget happens. Amongst his personal highlights are their first tour in the States, playing at London’s Koko in May 2016, and their show at the iconic Gramercy Theater in New York, which was a particularly unbelievable experience, in his opinion. Esben recalls viewing the footage on YouTube since. "I just remember the feeling whilst getting to the US for the first time, the first show -- and the first show was there. It’s a great feeling watching that," he says. "I haven’t actually seen that!" Mika pipes up, surprised, "I’ll have to look it up!" "You haven’t?" Esben replies. "It’s great! It’s all grainy and it looks like it’s 1991!"

Aside from being an important milestone in Monolord’s touring career, the show at the Gramercy Theater also sounds like a rather hectic experience. "We were dead when we got there," remembers Mika. "We had the whole long process of applying for the visas and got them early morning on Tuesday. Early morning on Wednesday, we flew to New York. We landed at 2pm and at 4pm we had to be at the venue." "For sound check," adds Thomas, "and then we were the first of three bands, so I think we played at seven. I don’t think we had any time to even eat. Then we played the set and met a lot of people, as we were selling merch ourselves. I think at the end of the night, everyone bought us drinks and so we were just standing there like bluuuuhhhhh," concludes Thomas, miming being completely zombified. Monolord only recall finding themselves in a nightmare situation once on stage, with Mika’s bass amp breaking down halfway through their first song at a festival in Portugal. While Esben and Thomas continued jamming, it felt like an incredibly long ten minutes for Mika, with nothing at all coming out of his amp, despite trying to switch bass to no avail, and while the sound engineers couldn’t figure out what was broken.

So what do Monolord listen to on this tour bus that has temporarily become their second home? What kind of music is going to lift them up when they battle the effects of sleep-deprivation and get them onto those stages, sparky and refreshed night after night? Monolord do not do tour bus playlists, as they don’t tend to listen to music in that way, although Thomas says that they will occasionally play some slow, mellow acoustic songs. They are, however, very serious about their equipment load-out routine. "We’ve got a load-out playlist," declares Thomas, dead serious in a soft-spoken voice. "That’s George Michael and Gerry Rafferty. Just two songs, going over and over again to make load-out easier." Mika interjects, "Because everybody loves saxophones," giving the statement about "Careless Whisper" and "Baker Street" a little more substance.

The band had no hesitations when Black Label Society contacted them regarding opening for them on the European leg of their tour. "We thought about it for about one minute and said yes," Thomas remembers, "or maybe two minutes, but we didn’t wait that long!" he laughs. "I only heard half of the question!" adds Mika, "and I already made up my mind!" I speak about the BLS fans I spotted already queuing up outside the venue upon my early arrival. "When they open the doors, there’s like fifty people running to the front of the stage, and that’s where they will stand the entire evening," says Mika. "Every day!" supplements Esben. As a Monolord fan, I find it inconceivable that some of the people attending the dates on this tour would merely stand at the front to wait for BLS to come on stage and let Monolord’s set wash over them, and I’m surprised to hear that this can be the case. I’m curious about the reception from BLS fans that might possibly be hearing Monolord for the first time, and whether or not they are a tough crowd to win over. "For some, I think it’s way too far away from BLS. They’re just, I love BLS, this is my stuff, I really don’t like this at all," observes Esben candidly. "But also, every night there’s somebody emailing us and saying, Oh, I’d never heard about you, you guys are awesome! which is great," Mika adds.

Monolord have a very tight thirty-five minute slot on this tour. We laugh at the thought that all the band need is to play a couple of their longer songs, such as "Empress Rising" and "Forgotten Lands," and that could be their set pretty much over. "We have a well-oiled machinery to be on time every night, so we can’t change it up much, we go with the same songs," says Thomas. "All it takes is a malfunction of something like a cable, or whatever, and we have to shorten some parts of some songs." Both "Empress Rising" and "Rust" seem to provoke a particularly strong reaction in the audience during the shows. "The first time we played in France on our last tour -- our headlining tour, people were singing a lot on 'Rust'," explains Mika. We realised, What’s going on?!" "Rust" has a very catchy melody, coupled with horror-fueled lyrics -- an interesting contrast that might be the reason why it seems to grab the band’s followers so strongly, despite being a relatively new piece within their discography.

In The Beginning

The band chose their name after meeting Christer Ström of Mammoth Storm. He damaged his hearing in one ear, which sparked discussions about him being only able to hear in mono. As he plays in a prominent band in the scene, this earned him the nickname of "Monolord." The name stuck, and the Gothenburg trio adopted it for what was initially a side project. Very quickly, the venture progressed to becoming Monolord as we know it. "The side project was when we had kind of a break from the band it was a side project from," Esben says, explaining that both he and Thomas more or less only worked on the new venture once they felt they needed to play their new material. "So Mika came on board and we just felt right, almost immediately," continues Esben. "When we started to work on it, that was it!" Mika agrees. As Monolord covered "Fairies Wear Boots" by Black Sabbath, I ask them if they feel that being compared to the legendary band started with this release. "I think that all bands in this genre are compared to Black Sabbath," Esben remarks. "Sooner or later!" adds Thomas. Esben suggests that any interview with the band would usually come with a customary, "What’s your favourite Black Sabbath album?" We do agree that being compared to Black Sabbath is hugely complimentary, nonetheless.

The release of Monolord’s new album Rust was met with considerable critical acclaim and viewed to be their best offering yet, both amongst fans and the press. I’m interested in finding out what the most complimentary milestones have been for the band since the album came out. "There’s been a lot of reviews and kind words, and it’s always good to hear. Someone that gives your record a really good listen and can make note of small things, that maybe I’m the only one hearing, this small piece here," says Thomas. "When people notice those small things, I think it’s great! It’s like the record is well-produced and well-arranged. It’s really great to hear." Esben evokes a particular review of Rust by a writer who had followed the band from the beginning and had given complimentary reviews of all their previous works. "He really didn’t think that anything could top the previous ones, but he thinks that Rust did. That made me really happy. It was beautiful reading it."

The fact that Monolord released Rust only seventeen months after their previous full-length album Vænir and thirteen after the release of single "Lord of Suffering" and "Die in Haze" is hugely impressive, considering they have spent a colossal amount of time on the road, and I enquire on how they have found the time to work on their new material. "We rehearse quite a lot between tours," Mika tells me, "so we always bring out some new stuff and we always have some stuff that we didn’t finish, so we continue working after the next tour. The work never stops." "I think we had some ideas and riffs that we didn’t feel we had time to arrange for the record before this one," adds Thomas, "so, some parts of that we can bring in again and some of it is just new stuff. We try to, even when we’re rehearsing for a tour, throw in a new song to feel it. And maybe in six months' time on some of the tour, we might place some new material live to see how that feels before we record next time."

RUST by Monolord

A good picture is worthy of a thousand words, goes the common adage. This certainly proves to be the case when it comes to the photograph selected for the art-sleeve of Rust. As a photographer, I found it not only stunning, but I became fascinated by the story behind it. It depicts two cars planted vertically into the ground to prevent helicopters landing, in an undisclosed and troubled region somewhere the Middle East. While I was conducting my research, I was unable to track down the artist or any other photographs of helicopter traps in that region, despite being thorough and trying my luck with different and lesser-known internet search engines. Interestingly, this subject proved to be neither very accessible nor well documented -- possibly too sensitive or too disturbing a symbolic representation of our times.

The photograph fits ridiculously well with the themes running through the album: horror, destruction, war, misanthropy, and the ingenuity of humanity when it comes to obliterating its own kind. Esben tells me that the photographer is Arash Naghizadeh. He follows him on Instagram, and so do Monolord as a band. Esben kindly promises to send me a link to the photographer’s social feed. Both Thomas and I agree that it almost looks like it’s staged, although remarkably, it is not. "Our label guy suggested this to us. He had found the picture and we learnt about the history and the setting of it. It’s a beautiful photo of something really horrible," says Esben, encouraging me to look at Arash Naghizadeh’s portrait work, which he finds breathtaking, in addition to his documentary work. Mika chimes in that the band did find other photographs of this particular helicopter trap, but this one stood out as the most striking amongst them.

Monolord’s writing process has been largely documented over the years in interviews with the band, so I simply ask them how they feel they have progressed since writing Empress Rising. "Have we?" jokes Esben. He notes that it takes some time to find a band’s identity and become a unit. The process doesn’t happen overnight. "And we have toured a lot since then, spent a lot of time together on stages and in the studio," he comments further. "A lot happens in that process." "Empress Rising was more or less just when we started the recordings," says Thomas. "It was just me and Esben, and we recorded the album without goals. We just recorded the songs because we thought they were good songs and recorded some guitars and some drums. Then Mika came in and put on the bass, and then we felt like, Wow! This is something we need to focus on! But we became more of a band afterwards." Mika feels Empress Rising is quite raw. Thomas agrees, reflecting on how the raw feel of the piece may owe to the guitars and drums being recorded at the same time. "I think we got better at songwriting and also recording. We recorded ourselves, mixing and mastering it, so I think we’ve been getting better at everything as a whole process."

Monolord are planning to continue recording and mastering future works themselves, although they do not rule out potential collaborations with producers outside of the Monolord family. "I guess we just started that way and continued that way," says Esben. "It’s not been that we have to do things always this way and that this is the formulae, so let’s see what happens." Mika feels that being able to control all levels of what’s on the table by keeping production in house is a big advantage for the band, but he also sees the positive side of getting an external viewpoint thrown into the recording process. Regarding future works, the band is happy to allow a natural and organic progression, rather than considering aiming at specific directions. "It’s usually organic," affirms Esben. "We don’t make the decision that now we’re going to do this in a specific way, we just work with the material we have and that guides us. Cheesy as it sounds, it’s hard to force something into a frame. I think it doesn’t make sense." Mika concludes that there has to be passion involved and a clear sense of direction for all three of them, in order for their pieces to work.

Slaying In The Algorithm Dystopia

We are part of a modern ecosystem hostile to alternative culture. Streaming services and online file sharing have caused album sales to plummet. As a result, labels, promoters, bands, and pretty much anyone involved in the music industry is having to rethink how to distribute their meagre resources. As social media advertising reaches out to more music fans, it is favoured to the detriment of our music press, which is already under threat due to depressing circulation figures. In other words, the music industry has become codependent on the algorithm, but the algorithm is popular culture’s best friend -- and hostile to alternative culture. Throw into this head-spinner of a mix the slaying of our music venues, usually in favour of real-estate development (35% of music venues have disappeared in the UK in the past ten years), and you have to come to the conclusion that perduring as an underground band has become no short of a miracle. As Monolord are a relatively fresh band, and are achieving just that, I’m eager to find out not only how on earth they survive, but thrive.

Film by Billy Goate of Doomed & Stoned

The relationship between Monolord and social media is very positive, which is refreshing considering the current concerns regarding social media working against cultural undercurrents. Over the years, social media has enabled the band to reach out to a consistently growing audience. "I think social media is the biggest reason we’ve had this success at all, through Instagram and Facebook. I mean, it’s our biggest platform of all," Esben observes. Monolord have a very deep connection with their fans and are very enthusiastic about social media giving them the opportunity to interact with them. "We try to respond to everything," says Thomas. "Some nights, people send us pictures from during gigs, such as Instagram stories. They tag us and send us videos. Some nights there is pretty much a lot to go through, but if you take your time to just say thank you, I think it means a lot to them." "And it means a lot to us!" Esben adds. "It’s great. It’s a way to get a Thank you, it was a great show. Thank you! Glad to hear it, always! That’s why we do this, that’s why we get on stage." The band also welcome fans using their phones at gigs and we discuss how important it is for music fans to take personal memories of shows away with them. Mika recalls an amusing anecdote of someone standing in front of him at a Black Angels concert in Berlin with a laptop at arm’s length, recording the entire gig until he was asked to move, only to trouble somebody else who was too shy to complain. We do, however, agree that things are changing and most people have a better awareness of using their electronics in a more tasteful manner these days.

With their growing success, Monolord increasingly find themselves in a position where they are solicited to support new bands starting out. They are usually contacted via social media or by email for advice and asked for their impressions on those fresh bands’ new material. "It’s so easy to send material to everyone on the internet," Thomas observes. "We sometimes receive iPhone recordings of a young band that want us to listen to their music," adding that demos recorded that way are sometimes of poor quality, which impacts opinions on whether or not the songs actually could work. The conversation takes an unexpected turn, and I feel for those guys upon hearing that some of the bands contacting them can be a little pushy in their communications, as Esben explains. "They contact us and they expect us to do a lot of things, like sending us an email and expecting us to land a contract with our label and getting really angry if we don’t." It must a little tricky to find the right balance between being willing to show support and being able to take a step back in those cases where you do not feel passionate about the material received in that way. "That’s the base of the music business: contacts," Esben feels. "Always." As much as he listens to a lot of music and will gladly give new bands a play, humility and honesty are important to him.

Regarding my concerns about music venues closing down at an alarming rate, Mika confirms that this is not an issue confined to London and the UK. It is also affecting the music scene in Sweden indeed. He tells me the fascinating story of Truckstop Alaska, a great venue in Gothenburg currently under threat by plans to build the tallest skyscraper in the Nordic Countries within its vicinity. Truckstop Alaska is perceived by developers as an eyesore, and already rehearsal spaces for local bands situated nearby have been shut down. "It is a problem, especially for underground music for smaller venues," Mika relates. "They keep disappearing, because the city doesn’t think of them or that audience as anything they can gain from."

The story of Truckstop Alaska’s battle against an invisible enemy who simply want them out of this part of town is nothing short of the myth of David and Goliath. Truckstop Alaska is a cultural association with a very respectable fifteen years of putting on shows under their belt. Their venue has been established at its current location for ten years. Things were running smoothly until the 20th of April this year. The association had only gone ahead and booked North Carolina Stoner legends Weedeater to perform that night, when the venue was raided by the Police flanked by local authorities. With no prior warnings, they declared their bar illegal and confiscated all their beer. The situation is pretty dire for Truckstop Alaska, with uncertainties resting above their heads regarding the future of the association, together with concerns that may no longer be able to rent their premises from the landlord.

Despite coming full frontal with extreme obstacles to continuing the showcasing of bands from our scene, the Gothenburg iconic venue is soldiering on with their initial plans of putting on another show in June, even though they are no longer allowed to serve alcohol. A show that, no doubt, will now turn into a "two-fingers up" at the establishment since the events that took place at the Weedeater show. "If you come to these shows," write the members of Truckstop Alaska on their Facebook page, "Take the situation for what it is. Take care of yourselves and each other. And don’t forget to have a little bit of extremely fucking fun while you’re at it! We (as in us and you lot) are Truckstop Alaska and we are going to make these shows a part of Gothenburg’s music history worth remembering!" All hails to those guys and good luck fighting the good fight!

Follow The Band.

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[artdjgblog]

Innerview: Cathy Fishel / Print Magazine August 2005 Image:​ Print Magazine​ Note: Interview for the Print Regional Design Annual.

Introduction: Cathy…Sorry you missed me. Sorry to miss you. Thanks for the message (sorry it cut you off in the middle of your phone number). Things are a bit intense as summer brings a new definition of BUSY. Work. Work. Work. Many thanks for the kind words about my work and I. It means so much. Yeah, I am sure it is chore to sift through all of the junk I’ve been dumping on the PRINT headquarters every March for the past three years or so…(I feel like a true failure if I send less than fifty entries). It is funny because just last week I was thinking about the upcoming PRINT Regional Annual and how I had not heard back on if I was selected…and I guess I have been…how many? And what? I am very curious. I had pretty much written it off. Thanks for informing me…I suppose I was supposed to receive notice upon that a while back…what happened there? Same thing happened to me last year. Out of curiosity I called somebody at PRINT last year and sure enough they had contacted me at the wrong address or something like that…I hope that wasn’t the case again. We need to get that straightened out…indeed. Certainly, I am thrilled to participate in this little questionaire. Wow, i’ve always wanted to. You don’t have to worry about smearing my name from anything said. I don’t care. Here we go… ​​01) How has the pace of business/number of jobs been in the past year as compared to the previous year? The pace is as thick as I want it and when I have sleep to deprive. I’ve always held other jobs and currently work a massive sixty-two hour weekly schedule as a groundskeeper and a janitorial supervisor…thus, cramming design into my pockets…and whenever I can squeeze it in my free time or find it under the pillow in the wee morning. I never actively seek my work due to time constraints and exhaustion…not yet, at least…and besides, the majority is word of mouth. Most of the time I just make stuff. Some of the time I get a nice little call or email and then just make more stuff. 0​2) Why is it up or down? The numbers (ups/downs) are slim if you stack them to my three previous so-called “professional” years…of course it’s due to my lack of time…fatigue…getting older…and mostly because I don’t really have a definite connection with my clients like I used to…and I don’t live with bands, attend concerts or am around my clients as much as I used to…(in case you’re wondering, my primary source of work is in the local independent music industry). Also, I am not as twenty-four-seven-gung-holike I was when I first started. I’ve accomplished most everything I set out to do at this point…(perhapsI’m just settling and need to mark a new planner?). 0​3) Has there been any surprises in the past year? Good or bad? Surprises in my work and thoughts come quite often. Sometimes it’s mush. Sometimes they come as sneakeries. The only real surprises come when I get random calls/emails from kind Print editors, designers requesting copies of posters, people wanting to put me in their books, seeing my work in books/magazines next to my inspirations/peers…and recent college graduates persuing job opportunities with my bedroom design operation. It’s all good…never bad…well, the only bad thing would be that I have to shell out good money for the good books that I’m in. 0​4) Has there been an influx of a new sort of work or client in your office? In the design community as a whole? Honestly, the only new things I approach are the things that come with each new day and in thought. I try to treat each design day new. Nothing I do is new to the worlds, other than in my own. I do thumb magazines a bit and I am a bit of a junky with design/culture and such…and I do keep my eyes open at all times…though, sometimes too much of it can make me not like design or anything. It’s getting to be way over-impacted with the idea that everyone thinks themselves to be a designer. Most of the only new sort of work that really kicks me (or I even consider new) comes from scraps of paper I find and hand painted ghetto signage. Though, if we’re talking professional work, I guess there is some good stuff coming out of the local climate. And of course I guess there is always good stuff coming out of the woods everywhere. Others might lump me in there somewhere. I don’t really know or care. 0​5) What is the economic climate like there in general? I was bummed when Quik Trip ended their “Cheap Drink Summer” so soonly…however, I’ve always got the Hostess thrift store two blocks away. I always find free junk in the streets and at work in the trash…and I always find great deals on paper and “whatevers” at thrift stores. No matter if I don’t cash in on design…I’ve always got cheap fuel to burn…and I will always barter for goods and services…if the price is right/not right. 0​6) Have any large clients closed or left the area? Who? Most of the rock ‘n’ rollers are skinny little dudes and I’m the one that’s gaining the weight around my belt and portfolio pit. There have been a few bands that have broken apart and some that have decided to play musician-designer to save money. And combined roles like that don’t always produce wickedly pretty offspring. 0​7) Has there been any changes in the ways that clients do business with designers (good or bad)? Not really any changes in clients. People still owe me money. Most people still don’t want to pay much or even pay at all for design…though, they are eager to push the products I slap myself onto and I give them free press in books/magazines. Oh well, that’s part of the deal and I knew that from the get go. It’s more than thant anyway. And I still love them…I am sure they still love me…I just don’t make enough from it to eat. But, I do have some wonderful clients that I hope to cradle and/or have them cradle me for a long time…we’ll see. 0​8) Is the design community tight-knit? Competitive? Friendly? What? I don’t really associate with other designers due to a lack of time and sometimes, simply want. I do have a few I check in on…but mostly I stick to my own guns. Therefore, I constantly hope my cats and girlfriend understand what the heck I’m talking about. It’s mostly mumbles I’m trying to say though…at least I’m entertained. In terms of the local design community…well, I guess the art/design here in Kansas City is looking pretty good. Even though i’m only in my fourth year, through the visual clutter I can see a few improvements. From what I understand, there is a tight-knit community that I’m not really associated with physically. From the outside, the knit appears to be extremely tight though. These days I like to sit at home and hunch my shoulders…and I like to think and be around people/places/things that aren’t necessarily directly connected to the design world, but they are in my personal one (whatever that means). In competitive terms I guess I fell victim to that last December. One of the best things I’ve ever done was stolen at an exhibition. Poor Mortimer was an only child and I’ve nothing to document him. Either I’m getting somewhat popular or I have a backlash. I’m also getting tired of most of the announcement boards to post posters being smaller than one of my posters (time to break out my little hands). ​0​9) What exciting things are going on in the design community? Honestly, I couldn’t tell you. Well, I’m kind of excited to see where this city is headed to as a whole. There are a lot of expensive things being built…new downtown developments/arena…and a ridiculous addition to the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art that looks like a giant trash bin and/or trailer home. 10) What are you looking forward to in the next year? Any big changes? Anything that you hope will happen? Well, I am getting married this Fall and thus must condense my apartment. I must lovingly adapt to sharing my artifacts, junk, libraries, wall space and work space with a woman. I also plan to start sleeping on a real bed again…and to quit my night job. She is a good one though. 11.) Why is where you are a great place/lousy place to be a designer? Since I’m a one man show, I can take my design anywhere. Though, it helps to have an outlet to a music community…I guess…if I want to continue with that. I guess with this question, it’s mostly all behind the controller. You’ve really got to chop some trees down to be heard…or just put your head down, barrel through them and not really pay attention. And my real dream is to live in the woods outside of a small town near a big city and have the requests come to my porch via arrows…and to make things for myself. I’ve never been one to worry myself about if I’m in the right place or not. As long as my brain is not too sloshy and polluted, I will be fine. 12) What advantages does the midwest hold as a design source for clients? I was born and fed here. It is ok (at times a bit too honky and wonky). I’m happy with the way things have gone so far. I’ve got a meager following here that I suppose “gets it”…and the norm that says, “That’s different.” Though I haven’t really ventured off much in my design life, or simply, life in general. I hear it’s a mighty treat to get out. And I also hear good things about the midwest’s hospitality and friendliness from outsiders and/or people who get out. Perhaps I’ll pack it up one of these days and try some new turf to ooze between my toes. 13) What is the level of student/job applicant talent? Is young talent staying in the area or leaving? It’s really flattering, funny and somewhat depressing to me that I’ve received many offers from recent design graduates who desperately want to work for me. Some are really talented too…and I must paint my sad tale of no funds or time for me to even consider full-time employment with myself. Maybe I’ll just have them move in for therapy…or start my own school with fire poles to slide through the floors of my apartment building and heaping pile of posters to burn for warmth. -djg

[h-styles-babes]

No Control | Chapter One

Hey. Okay, so I’ve decided to start posting a Harry story I’ve been working on. I’ve never posted on tumblr before or anything about Harry Styles. I’ve written before but not about something that has required so much research about a real person before. So, bear with me haha. I don’t know how many people are actually gonna read this, but I’m just gonna post it anyway, see how it does.

Massive thank you to @lovingstyles87 for reading my first chapter and encouraging me to post it. She had the sweetest things to say, and, honestly, they mean a lot coming from her, because I love her writing. Honestly couldn’t believe she even messaged me haha.

*Please feel free to reblog and send me feedback! It’s much appreciated :)*

Summary: 

Micky Bennett: college student, loyal friend, aspiring nurse, One Direction fan, Harry Styles enthusiast. Her best friend, Trevor, wins tickets to a show in New Jersey with meet and greet passes. Micky expects a quick photo op with the boys and a great night at the concert with her best friend. What she gets a whole lot more than she bargained for.

*Gif is not mine.*

ONE

JUNE 2015

“Micky!” I hear my name being called from the bottom floor of the library. The voice is shushed pretty vehemently, considering it’s the last two days of finals week and people are cramming. I’m here just editing my final paper for my physiology lab, but other people have more important things to get done. 

“Oh, fuck off,” I hear Trevor spit out at someone who shushed him. “Micky Bennett!” He gets shushed again, even more viciously than last time. I can hear his footsteps below me, so I lean over the edge of the balcony that I’m sitting at and wave at him.

I met Trevor my very first day at New York University, nearly three years ago. I had only moved to New York from England three days prior, so I hadn’t had a lot of time to go out and meet anyone before classes started. We’re in the same major and we had the same general biology class at nine on Monday morning. We sat next to each other in lecture hall and joked back and forth the whole time about our professor’s awful fashion sense. We made fast friends and have been attached at the hip ever since. He came out and visited England that first summer and stayed with my family for a few weeks while I showed him around. He was a permanent fixture in my house for all the summers following, as well. We made sure to get dorms on the same floor this year and we’ve arranged for the same next year.

“Trevor,” I hiss out, trying to keep my voice as low as possible. His head snaps up to me and his eyes are wide. “Shut the fuck up and get up here.” He throws me a mock two-finger salute before heading for the closest staircase and meeting me at my spot. “What the fuck is so urgent that you felt the need to yell in the peaceful library on finals week?”

He flops down in the seat across from me and pushes his blond hair back off his forehead with a huff.

“Bitch, I just got us One Direction tickets with meet and greet passes. You bet your sweet ass that I’m going to be yelling in a library.”

It’s my turn for my eyes to widen. I shove my laptop closed and lean across the table to get closer to him. “What did you just say?”

“I got One Direction tickets!” he whisper shouts, his face shining bright with the happiest smile I’ve ever seen on him. “You know how the local radio station was giving away a few pairs of tickets for their East Rutherford show?” I nod and urge him to go on. “Well I fucking won this morning! Look.” He pulls out his phone and shows me an email from the radio station proudly announcing his win and the link to download and print the tickets. 

I open my laptop back up and search for the stadium and it’s seating chart. “Trev, those are front row tickets. They’re, like, three feet from the stage.”

“I know!” His voice is rising slightly, and someone at the table next to us throws him a pointed look. He mouths an apology before turning back to me. “The show’s on August fifth. Please say you’ll stay this summer and come with me. You know you’re more than welcome at my house.”

“You want me there for the whole summer? I mean, I have research to do, so I have to stay here anyway. But I was gonna find myself a flat or look into summer housing on campus.”

“I live thirty minutes away by subway; just stay with me. My sister moved out, so there’s an extra room. I already talked to my mom about it.”

“Trev, you’re the best. I’ll call my parents…” I trail off with a glance at the clock on my computer—it’s seven in the evening here, so it’s midnight in England, “tomorrow and let them know.”

“Great! But back to the concert tickets…”

“Of course I’ll come with you! Why the hell would I pass up an opportunity like that?”

Two months later, I’m happily spending my summer in New York with Trevor and his mum in their expensive home in Midtown. His dad was some fancy Wall Street guy, and after his parents’ divorce, he gave his mum a shit ton of money in alimony every month, so she was able to keep the house Trevor grew up in near Central Park. 

It’s just Trev, his mum and me in the house, and his mum works as a PA to some CEO of a big corporation, so she’s gone a lot. Trevor and I basically have the run of the place. Trevor and I have to be in at the university three days a week to do our research, and there’s a subway station a block and a half from his house and another two blocks from the university. His mum has offered to let us stay there for the following school year, as well, to help us save on expenses. It works out well for me, since my scholarships cover my tuition but not my housing, and now I won’t have to take out any loans.

Today’s the day of the concert, and his mum has kindly offered to get us a hotel room for the night so we don’t have to make the trip back at one or two in the morning. So, a few hours before the show is set to start, I’m in the bathroom fixing up my makeup and attempting to tame my hair. It’s getting a bit long, so my brown curls are getting a bit out of control. I’m able to pull the sides back in some bobby pins and pull a hair tie on my wrist, just in case. I keep my makeup minimal, since I’m sure it’ll just get cried or sweat off during the show. I put on some light eyeshadow just to accentuate the hazel of my eyes, coat on mascara, add a bit of blush to my cheeks, slick on some sheer lipstick and call it good.

It’s warm in New York during the summer, but it tends to get chilly during the evening, so I opt for jeans, a blush pink slip camisole, a light, olive green cropped sleeve jacket, and a pair of tan ankle boots. It’s casual but cute and I actually feel like the twenty year old that I am opposed to the slouchy teenager I’m used to dressing like. I have to be up too early to get into the lab to put any effort into my appearance, so I usually go in without any makeup on and leggings and a jumper or t-shirt.

Trevor knocks on my door as I’m slipping on the ring that my parents got me for my twentieth birthday. It’s a double banded silver ring with tiny diamonds all around that fits perfectly on the ring finger of my right hand. I call for him to come in and smile at him over my shoulder as I grab up the dainty pink butterfly necklace I plan to wear. Without a word, Trev sweeps my hair aside and does the clasp for me. I smile at him in the vanity mirror his sister so kindly left when she moved out. 

“How do I look?” Trev asks, standing beside me and looking at himself in the mirror.

“You look like a hipster Harry Potter, but gay,” I answer. He actually looks really good. He’s got on khaki pants, a white v-neck t-shirt underneath a short sleeve, button up denim shirt that’s open. He recently got new spectacles that are nearly completely round, so that and his dark hair make him look a bit like a really buff, really tall Harry Potter. Trevor is well over six foot and he takes his fitness seriously, so he looks good. I’d definitely be down if he was into women.

“Good, that’s what I was going for,” he nods once.

“What about me?” I ask, brushing some lint off of my jeans.

“Are you wearing a bra?”

“No.”

“God, you have the best pair of tits I have ever seen. How are they so perky?”

“Honestly, it’s probably because I never wear a bra.”

“Probably. But, anyway, you look amazing.”
 “Thanks, babes.”

“Alright, come on, we’ve got meet and greet to get to.”

I’m not allowed to drive in America, so Trevor drives us in the car his father got him for his last birthday. It’s only about a half hour drive to East Rutherford, New Jersey, and we spend it blasting One Direction’s albums. We drive to the hotel first to check in before hopping back in the car to drive the few block to the stadium. When we get to the venue, there’s a crowd of people waiting outside it. I’m assuming they don’t have meet and greet passes, since the time for that starts in fifteen minutes, and I’m sure they’ve already started letting those people in. 

Trev finds a parking spot and we trek the few blocks to the venue. We flash our passes and we’re escorted into the building, through winding hallways until we’re brought to the end of a queue. We start the security person that led us in and wait. Trevor and I play around on our phones while we stand there, slowly slinking our way up to a door that people are going in through. 

“Who do you want to stand with for the picture?” Trev asks as I’m scrolling through my Instagram.

“Harry, obviously,” I say without looking up. I was still in the UK when One Direction was put together on the X Factor, and I have been a Harry girl since his audition. His dimples and his curls and his beautiful eyes are my weakness. Not to mention a list of other things, but I don’t want to get into that with anyone but myself.

“I don’t know why I even asked.”

“Neither do I.” I can feel him glaring at me, so I look up and give him the cheesiest grin I can manage before looking back down at my phone. 

We queue for another half an hour or so before I can see through the doorway, which leads to a large conference-looking sort of room. I can see all four of them, looking amazing as always. Especially Harry, who’s in a plain white t-shirt, his staple black jeans that I swear he’s had since he was seventeen, and his hair pushed back on his forehead. He’s tan—god bless him—and he seems to be in a good mood, joking around with his mates and taking silly pictures with fans. I bounce on my toes as we get closer, only two groups of people in front of us now.

“You know, I’m really glad you’re not one of those girls that gets all squeal-y and breaks down in tears when they see famous people,” Trevor says, throwing his arm around my shoulder.

“I’m nearly twenty-two years old,” I argue. “Do you know how much I’d hate myself if I started behaving like a preteen just because an attractive famous man is around?”

“Probably just as much as I’d hate you.”

“Exactly. I feel like I’m at the point in my life where I look at celebrities our age and genuinely think about whether or not we’d make good friends. Which is kinda heart breaking for the teenager in me who loved fantasizing about Harry Styles being my boyfriend.”

“Same. Seventeen year old Trevor thought Zayn would make the best lover.”

“Ew. He was always too skinny for me.”

“I know. Hindsight is twenty-twenty. I’m more of a Liam guy now.”

“Babes,” I hear a deep voice calling. I look up and see Paul, their security guy nodding and waving at me. “You guys can come over, now.”

I grab onto Trevor’s arm and haul him along with me, throwing a thanks to Paul as we pass. Niall steps up to greet us first, offering me a hug with a kiss to the cheek before doing some sort of bro-hug with Trevor. Liam greets me next, asking how I am and hugging me. Louis does the same, rubbing my back softly before he releases me. Harry is last in the line, and he’s smiling brightly, his dimples on full display and making that teenage girl in me squeal internally. 

“How are you, babes?” he asks while he pulls me into him. He smells good, like expensive cologne and body wash, and his hair smells like fruity shampoo. He kisses me on the cheek while I answer.

“I’m doing great, how are you?”

He pulls back with a surprised look on his face, a corner of his mouth lifting into a smirk. “You’re English! Did you fly all the way out here for the show? We have a European leg, you know.”

I can’t help but chuckle at him. “I go to school in New York. I had to stay this summer for some research.”

“Oh, yeah? What are you studying?” He looks genuinely interested to hear what I’m going to school for, his eyebrows raised as he grins down at me. 

“Biology. Medical stuff. I want to be a nurse.”

“How long have you got left?”

“Just a year, then I’ll probably head back to the UK.”

Harry opens his mouth to speak just as we’re called to attention to get a picture taken. Harry automatically slinks his arm around my waist, and Louis, who’s on the other side of me, puts his arm around my shoulder. 

“This alright, love?” Louis asks, smiling at me. 

I nod. “Yeah, of course.” I glance over and see Trevor happily standing between Liam and Niall, chatting with Liam about something that I can’t hear.

“Your boyfriend’s nice to come with you,” Harry says as we wait for the photographer to get set up properly.

Louis makes a choking noise next to me and then clears his throat, and he’s very pointedly not looking in my direction, instead looking straight ahead at Paul, smirking. I’m not sure what his deal is, but I turn back to Harry address his statement.

“He’s not my boyfriend. You guys are more to his liking than I am,” I admit. “Unless he’s pissed; then, everyone is fair game.”
 Harry lets out a bark of a laugh next to me, one I’ve only heard a handful of times in interviews or concerts. He slaps his hand over his mouth just as a flash goes off to signify a photo had been taken.

Lou, the boys’ stylist, clicks her tongue at him. “Harry, you fucked up the photo.”

“Sorry,” he calls. “Do another.” We all smile as the photographer snaps another photo. “I have a mate like that, too,” he says to me once everyone relaxes. “Big enough flirt already, but when he’s had a few, women are suddenly an option for him again.” 

I know that he’s talking about Nick Grimshaw, the radio host that he’s been friends with since the start of his career, as far as I can tell. I’m not about to let him know that I know about Nick. I would like to maintain some semblance of normalcy, even though we’ll never see each other again.

Someone alerts the guys that our time is up, and we’re made to be herded out of the room. I thank the boys and the rest of the people in the room and grab into Trevor’s arm as we go to leave. We’re nearly to the door when I feel a hand on my shoulder, pulling me back round to face them.

“Hey, I never got your name.” Harry says, his eyes sparkling down at me. 

“Micky.”

“Micky,” he repeats, smiling. “Have fun at the show, yeah?”

I smile back at him. “I plan on it. Thanks, again.”

“My pleasure,” he assures. I expect him to let me go, but he hesitates for a moment, glances over his shoulder, and then turns back to me. He leans in quick and places a soft kiss on my cheek. When he pulls back, he’s smiling, dimples winking at me. I can do nothing more than smile and let Trevor lead me out of the room.

I don’t know how to process Harry’s lips being on my face with no prompting from me. My cheek tingles where his lips landed and my heart is racing in my chest, even as we get further and further away from the room.

“Okay, what the fuck was that?” Trev asks when we’re far enough away. 

“I have no idea,” I admit, looking up at him in a sort of daze. I never thought just a light kiss on the cheek would reduce me to this mess that I’ve become, but it’s happening. I blink hard a few times to try to clear the haze that’s settled over my brain.

“I think Harry Styles might be into you.”

That snaps me out of my stupor. I scoff at Trevor and furrow my eyebrows. “Don’t be ridiculous. He was just being nice. He was very pleased that he had a fellow Brit in the room that wasn’t his bandmates.”

He scoffs right back at me. “You didn’t see the way his eyes followed you the second you walked in the room. I mean, all the guys did, because you’re fucking attractive, but Harry was especially enamored. It was kind of hot.”

Trevor’s long legs are going way too fast for me, and I’m nearly jogging to keep up with his brisk pace. I tug on his hand to get him too slow down.

“You’re just seeing things. I mean, he’s Harry Styles, world famous superstar. He’s got better options than a uni student.”

“I’m telling you, Mick,” he urges. “We’re going to be up close and personal with that stage tonight. There’s no way he’s not gonna see you. And when he gets all google-y eyed again, I’m gonna say, ‘I told you so.’”

“You’re absolutely mad, mate.”

“Oh, don’t get all British on me, Micky.”

TWO

[ultimatestudyabroad]

This Sucks

Note – I wrote this in November and December, when I was at a particularly low point in my job searching despair (there have been several, including now). I didn’t publish it at the time because I felt it wouldn’t be good to have this in the public domain while I was still looking for a job, but since coronavirus has paused all job searches and it seems I will never again have gainful employment, I figure, what the hell? Maybe it will be cathartic to get my frustration out into the universe.

My happiness from a year ago feels like a dream. Facebook reminds me that a year ago I was on a mini-holiday in Port Douglas with friends, marking essays for the class I was teaching in between snorkeling sessions and gin and tonics. My day-to-day life was luxuriously full of reading and writing; my weekends full of concerts and shows, trips to the beach, and dinners with friends. And though my financial subsistence was meagre, I had regular income and I had established a budget that allowed me to live without worrying about money all that often. And above all, I felt like the best, happiest version of myself. This was a life I had intentionally built for myself through meticulous planning and more than a bit of luck. It was everything I had ever hoped it would be.

That luck has run out. From the beginning, I knew that my life in Australia was but temporary and, if you read this blog regularly, you know that I was very concerned with whether, upon return to the U.S., I’d be able to build a better life there than I had had before Australia. Certainly not as happy as I was in Sydney, but hopefully happier than before I left. Instead, I have no life. Four-and-a-half months since I’ve returned to the U.S. (now 11 months) and a full nine months since my first administrative job application was submitted (now 15), I still have no job and no immediate job prospects. Applications are out, sure, but the hiring process in higher ed usually takes months (and now it is non-existent because of coronavirus). The money I so carefully saved throughout my time in Sydney for this period of transition is gone. I’m still relying on the kindness of friends and family to house me and Hibby. I have no job, I have no steady income, I have no home, I have no future, and I have absolutely no idea when (or if) it will ever end.

Now, before people start thinking to themselves, “the academic job market is brutal” or “it took me years to get an academic job,” I want to be clear that I am not searching for an academic job. I made an attempt at the academic job market in the (northern hemisphere) fall of 2018, applying for about 15 postdocs, short-term though multi-year teaching gigs, and tenure-track positions. My expectations were low, so I was not really surprised when absolutely nothing came of these.

So, when February 2019 rolled around and the thesis due date drew near, I turned my attention to what had been my realistic plan all along: re-enter my former career in higher ed administration. Given my decade-plus experience in the field and wealth of contacts, I didn’t think this would be too terribly difficult. I knew that job searches in higher ed take forever and I had saved accordingly. I also knew that mid-level jobs (in between entry-level and assistant vice provost level) are harder to come by, but I was/am willing to be flexible geographically. (For crying out loud, I applied to two jobs at the University of Wisconsin! I would freeze my ass off there!) But, I never in my wildest dreams imagined it would possibly take this long.

It’s not that I’m directionless, a young professional trying to find her niche; I know exactly what my field is. It’s not that I’m being too choosy; I’ve applied for 60 admin jobs. It’s not that I’m choosing inappropriate jobs for my experience; I’ve had phone interviews for over a third of the jobs I’ve applied for. I’ve been a finalist for two jobs (neither one of which I got, obviously). My application materials are good. I’ve been to this rodeo a number of times before; I know how to do this. Still nothing…

I have friends who try to offer explanations and, while I know and appreciate that they’re trying to be supportive, their explanations don’t help because they, much like the process itself, are nonsensical and contradictory. I’ve been told, “it’s all in who you know.” Well, again, I fucking know everyone at Duke and, after nine applications there, I’ve only had two phone interviews! I’ve been told, “you have to leave Duke and come back to work your way up.” Silly me, I thought moving to the other side of the planet for 3.5 years was leaving Duke. I’ve been told that my PhD is holding me back, never mind the fact that many of the jobs I’ve applied for are PhD-preferred or -required. And never mind the fact that a big part of the reason I decided to do the PhD in the first place (even though I had my eyes wide open about the state of the academic job market) was because I was told again and again that I would need a PhD to advance much past my former position. In fact, my former position was PhD-preferred. I was the only one on the team without a PhD and I had to endure all sorts of snide comments about “non-intellectuals” (to be clear, not from my colleagues but from higher administrators and faculty). Since I wanted to do the PhD anyway, just for myself, I decided to go for it. Not having the PhD held me back, but apparently having it also holds me back?

Well, you see, one helpful explanation goes, I chose to do an academic PhD, in a discipline as opposed to an EdD or PhD in higher ed. What the fuck? First, I sat on several hiring committees in my last job in which people with higher ed degrees were sneered at. Secondly, I chose a discipline because that’s the subject that interested me enough to devote three years of my life to it. I love working with undergraduates, but I don’t want to study the little bastards! Oh, but don’t you see, since you have an academic PhD, hiring managers will assume you’re not serious about the role and will leave as soon as you get an academic job. FFFUUUUUUCCKKK MMMMEEEEE! That’s not going to happen! There aren’t any academic jobs!

As much as I want to dismiss this no-win point of view on the PhD, I know that, at least at times, it’s completely true. People in administration seem completely oblivious to the casualization crisis in academia. This blows my mind, since we all work in the same damn industry. Even so, I’m prepared for the “why did you do a PhD” question and have my polished (and completely honest!) answer prepared. And that was the verbal answer I gave to one particularly annoying iteration of that question, but my mental response was quite a bit different. The question was posed along the lines of, “I see you just got a PhD. I want to make sure you understand that this is not a teaching job.” The polished answer came out of my mouth while the snarky, bitchy, fed-up Mel voice in the back of my mind responded, “Yes, I know that. Because 1. I can fucking read. 2. I wrote a whole cover letter which demonstrated I knew exactly what the job is. And 3. There are no teaching jobs!”

I feel frustrated even when talking to people who support me. The frustration brought on by hiring managers is exponentially worse. If you follow me on Twitter, you’ve seen a number of frustrated tweets about the lack of follow up after interviews. Of that one-third of the jobs I’ve applied for in which I’ve had phone interviews, only THREE hiring managers have done me the courtesy of emailing me to let me know I was not advancing to an in-person interview. One school didn’t send me my generic rejection email until eight months after my phone interview. Two places I had phone interviews (both in 2019) still haven’t contacted me at all. Now, reader, don’t give me any bullshit about the number of applications received for the average job or how busy everyone is. I’m not complaining about the mass rejection email from HR I get for jobs I don’t get an interview for. I’m talking about a hiring committee doing 6-7 phone interviews and inviting three of those people to campus for an in-person interview while never bothering to send 3-4 emails to the other interviewees! It does not take much time to send 3-4 identical emails that say, “Thank you for speaking with us last week about the position. Unfortunately, you were not selected for an in-person interview, but we wish you the best of luck in your search.” See? I just did it! That took like 30 seconds! By November, I was over this shit. Two weeks after a phone interview, I sent a polite email asking for a status update. Which was completely ignored! On what planet is that acceptable?

Here’s another little lesson in human decency for hiring managers: don’t call people’s references unless you plan to offer them the job. Because when someone’s references are contacted, they assume they’re about to get a job offer. Those two jobs I was a finalist for? They were at the same school and they contacted my references twice. Same people, 1.5 months apart! If you feel so compelled to call references on multiple people, be transparent. Send an email to the candidates saying , “FYI - we’re checking references on both of our finalists.” (And btw, where are you getting all this time to make all these phone calls, anyway? I thought you didn’t have time to send 3-4 emails to the rejected phone interview candidates!)

Piled on top of my frustration, despair, rapidly eroding self-esteem, and bank account anxiety is guilt. Guilt over being annoyed with my friends who are incapable of cheering me up in the face of a hopeless situation. Guilt over assuring undergrads in my temp advising job that they will be able to find jobs after they graduate (I know it’s my job to calm them down, but seriously, how hypocritical can I possibly be?!). Guilt over that panel on non-academic jobs I organized at the 2018 AHA. The one where I told everyone that administration jobs are rewarding and realistic. Ha! If I, with all my experience, can’t find a job, can a newly minted PhD in his/her mid-late 20s who went straight from undergrad to grad school really expect to find one? Without being dismissed as only wanting an academic job? I apologize to all the folks at that panel. Your post-grad rep (unwittingly) lied to you!

I am obviously in a very dark place right now. That’s not to say I regret doing my PhD. Not at all. Not for a moment. This was the best three years of my life. I’m proud of the research I did. I am an infinitely better person than I was four years ago. But someone just needs to give me a fucking job.

[ciaclouddearding-blog]

Tips and tricks for speed dating

Speed Dating tricks and tips Overdrinking is a turn-off for most people, and using it at a speed-dating event risks making the evening into an embarrassing situation.  Women look at every inch of this, right down to the wear on your shoes.  What matters is if you can have fun together, and feel good about yourself in their presence.  KarenLee Poter First Date Tips: 1.  Dress to impress, and don't be late.  Just as you would pay attention to his grooming, pay attention to your own.

Good Speed Dating Questions. Speed Dating Tips and Advice. Speed dating is a social format of meeting lots of different people in a set location.  Do you have your own tricks and tips? Keeping your nerves at bay will help you enjoy the night and show your best qualities.  She is also the co-founder of Irresistible Dating.  Ask for a Second Date Before the End of the First Date! Having said that, older women can still feel intimidated by the prospect of entering into a sexual relationship with someone new.  If you're not, it's only an hour to perservere rather than be stuck with someone for a whole evening.

Speed Dating Tips And Tricks Plus there's a wealth of free local groups on Gumtree, from choirs and sports clubs to folk just looking for friends for chats over coffee - just click on your area to find them.  Use this for dating site sign- ups and getting in touch with others - this way it'll protect your personal email from unwanted attention if things go wrong, or any online dating site spam.  They can get real results - here's a Money.  Take their tips and their advice and really soak them in.  One forumite's experience: My first date was pretty cheap and cheerful - two drinks in a pub, one of which was non- alcoholic as we were both driving.  Do not go to a movie theater or a music concert on a first date; save those types of events for a second, third, or fourth date; 5.  Establish a Brand That Women Remember Do you have a code you live by? Let the conversation flow, and let her reveal the hidden sides to her personality by gently provoking or challenging her, rather than making huge demands on her.

First Date Tips: The Best 40 Tips For First Date Success There are plenty of great useful speed dating questions there; just pick and choose a few for your evening.  If you go there with an image in your mind of a person you may like, you will always end up comparing the guys you meet with the one you have created, who does not exist at all.  So before you go on a date remind yourself why you are a catch and why anyone would be lucky to spend time with you.  Before the event starts, chat up some of the other single women.  If you can't opt out, set a free Tart Alert reminder for the contract's end, or a separate phone reminder, so you remember to cancel if you no longer need it.  I also hear ladies swapping details with other ladies sat near by.  The key to making the most of online dating is finding a service that works for you.

Tips For Speed Dating Do you really want to hear all the grizzly details of her past relationships or how she cut herself when she was shaving her legs earlier that day? It's possible to get into big paid music festivals for free through volunteer schemes - see the Free Festivals page for info.  Check out his website thestevehansen.  You ask information-gathering questions to learn about your date and include questions about their job or favorite foods.  Come dressed like a man — no t-shirts, sweats or ratty gym shoes.  This makes your eyes dilate so they appear much bigger and more attractive.  If you asked her out, do not ask her to pick the restaurant.

Speed Dating Tips for Women We emailed and spoke online for a few weeks, before talking on the phone most nights.  Show initiative by coming in with a list of your own questions.  You'll get more interest if you upload a few snaps of yourself, rather than just one.  Your main goal for the event should be to enjoy talking to new people.  The level of fun you want to have should be a factor in what type of date you plan.  Download this to your Kindle for further inspiration.  Please share yours in our Online Dating Tips forum discussion.

6 Speed Dating Tips for First Let her know how much you enjoyed the date, her company and ask her out again.  Women love to be heard and with the right questions she will warm to you and open up.  Check out her website avconnexions.  Get in touch anyway, it could still be worth meeting up, or getting a group of mates together for a low pressure night out and see what happens.  Make sure you look like a gentleman.  Preconceived notions tend to come in the way of two people truly allowing themselves to get to know each other.

Speed Dating and Singles Dating Tips And keep in mind the only question with a first date is whether the two of you connected sufficiently to interact further.  Fibs lead to disappointment all round.  You can also find Suzie as a guest expert on various television and radio programs.  Basically, the earlier you book, the more single women you will meet.  He must have a vision of what he desires in a woman and a vision of the destination that he would like to lead them both towards.

[randomconnections]

Irish Music Jam Session at Littlefield Celtic Center

I wanted a challenge. I got a challenge. On Sunday I attended the monthly Irish Jam Session at the Littlefield Celtic Center in Mount Vernon. I found myself in the midst of some incredible traditional musicians and I also found myself struggling to keep up. Even so, it was a blast.

This was a case of “be careful what you wish for.” Most of the sessions I’d attended lately were learning sessions taken rather slowly. It was hard to get a true feel for the music. I wanted to attend a session where it was assumed that everyone knew what they were doing (even if I absolutely DIDN’T know what I was doing.) I was prepared to listen and learn, joining in when I felt comfortable. This jam session certainly fit that bill.

First, a bit of background…

The Celtic Arts Foundation of Mount Vernon was established in 1997 to “sponsor, encourage and promote Celtic culture through events and educational activities,” according to their mission statement. In 2012 the CAF began seeking a permanent home and purchased property for an event space. Construction was begun in 2014, and in June of 2015 the Littlefield Celtic Center opened.

The center hosts workshops and concerts throughout the year. Earlier this fall we missed a sold-out concert by one of our favorite groups, the Tannehill Weavers. Big name performers come through with concert about twice a month. The center also sponsors two monthly jam sessions, an Irish session on the third Sunday of each month and a Scottish session the first Sunday of the month.

The Irish Jam Session was the next one on the calendar, so it was that which I planned to attend. The descriptions for the both jam sessions were somewhat intimidating. Here are some excerpts from the Irish session:

The music is learned and played almost exclusively by ear, and tunes are played together as ‘sets’ of three or more…each of which is repeated a number of times (usually 3) before the next tune is started. The emphasis is on the melody itself (what the Irish like to say is ‘the soul of the tune’); and so while backup and rhythm players are welcome, they are usually asked to play ‘behind’ and ‘under’ the melody players….there is a famous maxim in the Irish tradition suggesting that a session should include only “one guitar, one bodhran,…and one spoon!” That being said, the ultimate goal of any Irish session is to provide a welcoming place where most of those present can play most of the time, where people new to the music can learn not only the tunes but the culture behind the music, and where more experienced players can learn tunes and technique from players outside their usual sessions. We welcome both listeners and those who are interested in learning to play this music themselves. Please feel free to bring recording devices and ask questions; we do request, however, that you leave music books and stands at home, and that you not use personal hand-held-devices during the session.

It was the phrase “one guitar, one bodhran” that got me. What if another guitarist showed up? Would they kick me out? Despite my trepidation on the third Sunday of the month I headed downtown to see what this was really all about.

On this particular Sunday it was cold, windy, and raining. Fortunately I found a parking spot on the street near the entrance to the building.

I had gotten there at 12:30 to get set up and make sure I knew the lay of the land. Other cars were parked along the street, so I assumed others were there. Turns out that these were for the Anglican Church across the street. As far as I could see there was no one at the center. The doors were locked.

I waited until 12:45 in my car, then wandered around to see if there was another entrance and to make sure I was in the right place. A woman was emptying a trash can at a side door, so I asked if I was at the right place. She assured me that I was, and that she was just about to open the front doors. She also said that most folks started wandering in right at 1:00. Good to know.

Roberta opened the doors for me and introduced herself. She made sure I signed up for the center’s email list and gave me some more info about the center. She also said that she was a volunteer for the center and that she didn’t play with the Irish group. Her instrument is piano, and they apparently don’t allow piano in the Irish sessions. She plays with the Scottish group. Once again, good to know.

I had left instruments in the car, so I took some time to look around. One side of the facility had offices and conference rooms. The other side had a small performance space with a stage. A set of chairs had been arranged in a circle, with a couple of rows set up for onlookers. Coffee and beer was available.

The other musicians began to arrive so I went back to the car to grab my instruments. I decided that I would just bring in the guitar, even though I had the banjo and melodica with me. Given the earlier comments about the piano I figured that the melodica might be view with scorn as being “not traditional Irish.”

Just about all of the other musicians had multiple instruments with them. There were more fiddlers than anything, but each of these also brought tin whistles and other things. In addition to her fiddle, one woman had a tenor Irish banjo in addition to a fiddle, and her husband had a set of Uilleann pipes. One woman had several flutes, and another had brought a Bodhran. One guy had a cittern, kind of like a large mandolin, but with five sets of double strings. There was one other guitarist. OK, so we already had a guitarist and Bodhran player. I guess I could find a set of spoons somewhere.

In all there were fifteen musicians, including me. They came from all over the region – from Whidbey Island and as far away as Vancouver. I was something of a novelty, having come all the way from South Carolina. And, despite my lack of experience with the repertoire, I did have some bonafides. I had spent some time in Doolin, Ireland, and I had spent quality time with P. J. Curtis, the noted Irish musicologist and author. In addition to the musicians there were about seven people who had just come to listen.

When the music started it was like going from zero to sixty in about two seconds. Someone fired up a reel and they were off. The usual procedure was that one instrument would introduce the tune and others would join in. That tune would repeat three times. The lead instrument would usually give a “whoop” or some other indication that the tune was about to change, then that lead would introduce another tune which would repeat three times. Three tunes would be introduced in a typical set. The new tunes would usually be in the same, a related key, or a relative minor, but sometimes the modulation was abrupt. There was no way I could figure out the tunes themselves and it was hard enough to keep track of the chord progressions. The title of the tune was never announced unless it was an unfamiliar one. Even then, someone would ask afterwards, “What was that?”

Here is one of the sets of tunes. I have no clue what the titles are.

If you can not see this chirbit, listen to it here https://chirb.it/GpGg9e

Check this out on Chirbit

The other guitarist was much more accomplished than I was, but he said that he wanted to be close enough to watch my chords and follow along. I said that probably wasn’t a wise move. Plus, he was using a “Drop-D” tuning for some songs. I tried the same tuning a couple of times when we were in the key of D, but decided I’d just stick with the regular tuning. The cittern player also said that he had been following my chord progressions. I felt a bit weird about that. As for the banjo player, rather than strum chords she played a single line melody.

I did make note of the fiddle belonging to woman sitting next to me. She didn’t play often, but quietly picked melodies with which she was unfamiliar. Her fiddle was stunning, though, with a dragon motif.

The music continued with only brief pauses for conversation. There were no breaks. If one wanted coffee or beer they just stopped playing and got what they needed. I took very few breaks and by the end of the afternoon my fingers were quite sore.

Here is an music sample. I don’t really remember if this was early or late in the session, but I selected it because it has a different style from the first sample I posted.

If you can not see this chirbit, listen to it here https://chirb.it/828rcC

Check this out on Chirbit

At 4:00 the group started to thin out. The other guitarist and cittern player, as well as the Bodhran player, left. Those that remained closed up the circle to continue with a couple more sets. I opted opt, switching my guitar for a camera.

Here’s a video clip of the smaller group. You will need to click the image to view the video on Flickr.

Soon even those musicians began to pack up. I chatted with the woman who serves as the de facto leader of the group. She said that the various communities have their “home” groups where they learn the tunes. They then bring those tunes to this gathering. She said that there are learning sessions on Monday evenings here at the Littlefield center, but I didn’t see them posted anywhere. While she did invite me to the learning sessions, I did NOT get an explicit invitation to come back to this session. Too many guitars? I had fun. I think I’ll do it anyway.

The music was a challenge, but it was also a blast. I am looking forward to checking out the Scottish jam session on December 3 and seeing how different it might be. I don’t know, though. They had even more rules and they were listed as bullet points. It will be fun to see how many of those I can break.

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