#(but like. it's after the training room incident obv.)

[memoryxbane]

"They say if you make one friend on your first day, you're doing okay."

Talking to people wasn't really Tex's strong suit, but she didn't want to be rude, either, so she tried to relax her grip on the railing of the catwalk she'd perched on as quickly as it had tightened. The others didn't come up here very often; she liked it that way.

"I'm not really here to make friends, kid." Besides, she'd already caused enough damage, hadn't she? There's a reason she worked alone. She wasn't good at looking after others, but she was damned good at doing her job.

"... Were you looking for me?" That would set an entirely different tone to the conversation than if he'd just happened to find her.

[yukasyukasyukasyukas]

Random valorant agents headcanons bc I'm sleep deprived

(this means I didn't get my 12 hours of sleep today)

Brimstone

Hugest ally on the VP (which, lets be honest, doesn't mean much since they're all gay)

First person KJ came out to and he was so emotional about it

Constantly tries to get the agents to get closer or at least respect each other but after Cypher mentioned how him and Breach treat one another he gave up

Calls some agents (Viper, Sage and Killjoy) by their first names on the everyday and calls Sova, Chamber and Deadlock (the other ex militars) by their last names

I wanted to hc him an American football team but idk any💞💞💞

Viper

Brimstone and Vyse are the only ones to call her Sabine bc they know her since before the "incident"

KJ also used to call her Sabine before the VP but Viper was bitter abt agents calling her by her first name

Scared for her life of failing Reyna, not because she actually fears her, but because she actually cares about Lucia

Older sister who lost contact with her family

Aroace

Has a snake named Viper that is older than the protocol

Omen

Is annoyed by people mistaking knitting with crochet

Very kind to the younger agents

In his own way though

Killjoy

Has an older sister who doesn't talk to her since she was a teenager

HOW DOES ONE BECOME THE LEAD OF A WHOLE DIVISION ON SUCH A HUGE CORPORATION AT THE AGE OF 18???!$+2+_(not a hc, just a concern)

The fact her dad died before she was born probably has something to do with her closeness to Cypher and Brimstone

Rich af but rents an apartment with another girl and that place is absolutely precarious

Pays the rent monthly even if she doesn't spend a single night there

Has a huge lesbian flag on the living room and that has gotten her very straight roommate into delicate situations with her boyfriends

Her roommate is Brazilian from São Paulo bc I want her to

Very easily impressed by anything Raze does even if it's something she can do a thousand times better

I feel like she would main a duelist if she played val, probably Reyna or Raze

Cypher

Has a picture of his wife and kids on his bedside table

He keeps Nora's favorite clothing and his children's baby toys

Girl dad obv

Killjoy reminds him of his oldest daughter and sometimes he calls her his daughter's name

Hates kingdom but since he joined the protocol he learned how to convive with their workers, even if he doesn't like it most part of the time

Scares little kids on Roblox for fun

Wouldn't mind having a relationship with a man but after Nora he can't imagine himself in another relationship so he doesn't give it a try

(I love him and Nora😭)

Sova

Calls the other agents by their first names

Was friends with Sage since before the protocol

Recommend Sage to Brimstone

One of the only coworkers Viper enjoys the company of

Once he tried to speak Spanish to mess around with Reyna and Raze swore he was speaking Portuguese bc of the accent

Trans bc I want to project into my fav characters

Morning walks

Sage

Calls everyone by their first names

Has two younger siblings but she hasn't had notice of them since she started the monk training

Misses them

Met Skye when researching about her healing powers, Skye was doing the same

Born radiant

Great at cooking but Jett gaslit her into thinking it was bad as a joke and she still believes it

After Harbor joined the VP she got back into cooking

Lesbian bc I said so

Not much close to the other women in the protocol, only Skye, Jett, Neon and Reyna

Closer to the men on the VP (Sova, Brimstone, Cypher, Iso, Omen etc)

Doesn't have a clue of why Clove doesn't like her

Phoenix

Nerd

This man is a canon theater kid, he absolutely LOVES musicals, specially Hamilton and Jett and Raze tease him Abt being British and liking it

Bi

For some reason Jett gaslights him into thinking he's actually gay, obviously never worked

Him and Jett break up for the most ridiculous reasons, they've already broken up more times than one can count on fingers

Banned from every kitchen he steps on

Learned Korean só Jett would shut up about her being bilingual while he only spoke English

Once he let Astra undo his dreads to give him braids, it was the saddest day of his life

Raze bullies him for his style💔💔💔💞

Jett

Can cook five stars dinners but insists on eating leftovers she finds on the fridge and steals from the other agents

Doesn't dare touching Chamber's "monstrosities of dishes"

Makes people their favorite dinner and a special breakfast on their birthdays

Cooks for the whole protocol on weekends

Most my hc surround on the fact she's always eating something and was a chef😔

Gaslights everyone into believing the most random and/or stupid things and has actually convinced Gekko that dog is a common dish in east Asia

First thing she asks every east Asian she meets outside of east Asia is if they eat dog

Sage was mad at her for this

Also bi

Reyna

Actually very caring and worried for most agents

Siblings relationship with Yoru

Randomly starts speaking Spanish to Sage just to annoy her

Learned Chinese just to mess around with Sage

Lesbiana

Flirts with Breach as a joke

Iso actually believed she and Breach were a couple when he arrived

Homophobic to Raze and Killjoy

Non ironically has offered to find Raze a better girlfriend than Killjoy

Wants to be a mother but can't because of her duties and Sage doesn't like children

Raze

BRAZILIPPINES

Hugest anarcocomunist

Grafitti artist

Has sent Kingdom, Killjoy and Viper dozens of blackmails before joining the protocol

Didn't like Killjoy for her first years in the protocol

Boombot was created as a "rebellion" from Killjoy's tech with an alarmbot that Kingdom placed near her house

Has a younger brother who is her absolutely whole world

Capoeira.

Breach

Actually speaks Portuguese very well

Dad jokes

Hates children and the only exception is Raze's younger brother

Please please please please please read the joke I posted😭

Didn't get along with Deadlock nor Chamber at first

Gets along well with Cypher, Harbor and Fade

Likes men and makes it everyone's business and is very annoying to homophobes about it (bi)

Has kissed Harbor once just to see the look of terror on a homophobic guy's eyes

Skye

Lesbian

Owes a personal gun that she uses to scare bigots and idiots in general

Was guilty about rejecting Yoru

Still is very close to him

Skyelock beloved

The ship name should be changed to Hiking Buddies or something

Can make a cat with her powers and it plays with Nightmare when it's starting to affect Fade too much

Closer to Fade than most agents think

Morning walks with Sova and Deadlock

Yoru

Has a huge knowledge on east Asian culture in general

Speaks ainu and a little uchinaguchi

Values culture and tradition more than his life

Constantly educating Jett on Korean traditions???

Mansplains a lot

Neon (single) teases him for being single

Has the "lesbian curse" in which every woman he likes is a lesbian and it's starting to develop into an "aroace curse"

Homophobic to Killjoy

Misogynist to Killjoy

everything you can think that is bad against Killjoy

And Reyna is with him on these

Astra

Pansexual

Nerd on physics

Knows a lot about quantum physics

That was me projecting, sorry

I need more astra content to make more headcanons 😔😔😔

Galaxsea/ astrarbor/ Neptune/ sea star

Born radiant

KAY/O

Doesn't actually have feelings, he's just programmed to make humans feel loved (besides, obviously, being a war machine)

It was a way of keeping the non radiant soldiers hopeful during the radiant war

He's a robot, of course he doesn't have feelings

Killjoy is absolutely fascinated by him and wonders if it was her who built him or at least made his project

The "hatred" he has for the radiants is also a way of keeping the non radiants feeling safe and appreciated

Sage is the exception from his radiant hatred because she's always appeared to be against Reyna's radiant dominant ideal world and he read that as a powerful ally to his cause

He's AI ofc he's gonna be a little dumb even though he's from like 2060

Chamber

I refuse to

Does he like men?

Was homophobic to Killjoy and Raze when they started dating and to Sage and Reyna

Was actually homophobic

Turned out he likes men???

I'm confused

I don't like him

Neon

BRAZILIPPINES

She probably knew Killjoy before the VP or at least heard about her not as an professional but as a person

Definitely likes women

Since she became a radiant at such a young age and os so powerful there were probably lots of accidents

Was mostly isolated from the outside for a long time before the thing that is sticked to her back was finished

That'd explain why she doesn't like making new friends, she doesn't know how to

Knows a lot of stuff involving quantum physics and science since her parents work at kingdom and she has worked with them

Fade

Constantly found sleeping on the floor

Sometimes she leaves Nightmare out of her bedroom to get a peaceful night of sleep

Goes to sleep on about the same time Skye is waking up

Fadelock goes hard too

You'll rarely see her awake but when you do she looks like she hasn't slept in a decade

Doesn't actually sleep, just take 30 min naps throughout the day

Took a while to stop calling Harbor "agent Batra" during missions

I just checked and that is lore inaccurate but idc

Likes men and women, never stopped to think of it as "oh, I'm lgbt" that's just one more small detail about her

Had a cat that her brother gave her when she was a kid, it died of kidney failure a few years before she joined realm

Harbor

History and architecture nerd

Also a philosophy enthusiast

Has a tattoo that says "Memento mori et memento vivere" and that's what caught Astra's attention at first

Him and Astra spend a lot of time just nerding around

He's very caring yet not much protective to the younger agents

Randomly throws water at people who walk by

Breach and Deadlock learned on the hardest way not to be around him with a glass of water

Calls Fade Hazel because at first he thought that was how it was and never corrected it

Older brother of two sister

Pansexual

Gekko

Grafitti artist

Is an only child but is very close to the children is his neighborhood

Gay

That guy looks so gay I'm gonna cry

Has a dog named Lizard

Him and Raze talk to each other in Spanish and Portuguese and it's an absolute nightmare for others to decifrate their alien language

Asked Sage if people actually eat dogs in Asia and was punished for a week, Reyna had lots of fun

Jett still teases him about it

She told Iso about that and every time Gekko asks him what he's eating he says it's dog

Him and Deadlock are actually chill about each other for as long as one doesn't cross the other's boundaries when it comes to his radivores

Deadlock

This woman doesn't have a drop of heterosexuality on her body

She thought she liked Iso but it turned out he was just the only one not asking her to get along with radivores and radiants

Hates when she's called by her first name

Lost contact with her family and legally got rid of her last name

Skye, Sage and Sova call her Iselin or Ise

Fadeskyelock(?)

Used to go on lots of missions involving radivores before the VP but after the polar bear she didn't trust herself near them again

Graduated in biology

She wanted to be a scientist when she was a kid

Used to be obsessed about radivores and radiance before the bear

Iso

Can't cook for his life

Used to think he liked Deadlock but it was just compulsory heterosexuality

Aroace

Not much close with most agents but Sage and Deadlock

Him and Raze are absolute nightmares to go in mission with, those mfs listent to music so loud they can't hear anything else

KJ was scared of him

Only listens to music that are on languages he doesn't speak

Raze showed him Brazilian funk and he started listening to it during missions

Clove

Don't give a shit if they're misgendered

The pet rock is to throw at those who insist that they're a woman even after they correct them

Sleeps the whole day and is awake during the whole night

Immortal, queer, sleeps during the day... Are they a vampire?!

Randomly dresses up fancy and stays on that fit for the whole day, they can be seen wearing a suit during missions in breeze

Spends all their time awake doing unproductive stuff

Vyse

Was a physicist and later got into engeneering

She can't really remember those last years before the scions took her

Was took by the scions by Omen but none of them know

Doesn't like Iso

Her and Viper used to be very close friends, their friendship cou be compared to Jett and Phoenix's, they were very spontaneous

The "incident" was something involving her but no one really remember how it was

Ace

Had a cat named Jaguar

[halliewriteshockey]

OH! A PROMPT! canner/jars and forehead kisses (whether a 5+1 thing, or a feelings realisation thing, or something else entirely)(obvs based on him smooching goalies in the goalie train)

Five times Jared kisses Tristan + one time he kisses someone else

The first time Jared kisses him, it’s in the goalie line after a shutout, and it happens so fast Tristan’s not even sure what’s going on. Jared’s grinning so widely his eyes are crinkled almost closed, and he reaches up and cups Tristan’s helmet, pulling his head down.

Tristan bends obediently, not entirely sure what he’s doing, and Jared releases him a split second later, slaps him on the shoulder, and moves so Sid can take his place.

Okay, he thinks. Hockey players are weird. They tend to be emotionally stunted because they’re so focused on hockey instead of developing life skills like actual humans. 

Tristan accepts the rest of his team’s congratulations and puts the incident out of his head.

Until it happens again.

The next time, they’ve barely eked out a win, scraping through by the skin of their teeth and a desperation move by Tristan late in the third that only just kept the puck out. He thinks he might have pulled something stopping it, but the twinge fades when his team lines up to thank him.

Jared pulls him down and repeats whatever he’d done last time. Kissing his helmet? Tristan goes home and watches the game, taking notes on his performance while he ices his groin, and then watches the lineup.

Sure enough, Jared’s kissing him. Tristan checks the shutout game. Yup, kissed his helmet then too.

A little weird, Tristan thinks, and goes to bed.

He does it again after the third game too, smile wide like this is all totally normal.

The fourth time, the game hasn’t even started. Tristan’s warming up in the hall, surrounded by players. He’s in the zone, letting everything else fade as he focuses on getting into that perfect headspace where he doesn’t hear anything except the sound the puck makes when it streaks toward him.

He’s absolutely not expecting Jared to come out of the locker room and make a beeline straight for him. Tristan leans back to let him pass but Jared stops in front of him. He looks serious this time, blue-grey eyes determined, and he reaches up with one hand to pull Tristan down into the kiss. When he releases him, he pats the back of Tristan’s helmet and turns away without a word.

They lose. 

Tristan’s scattered, unable to focus no matter how he tries. The opposing team slots three in the first two periods, then another two in the last, and the goals Teddy and Jake score between them aren’t enough to make up the gap before the buzzer goes.

Murray starts the next game. He brings home a win with ease, grinning at the players as they line up after. Jared’s bouncing on his skates, ahead of Tristan in the line, and Tristan has a perfect view when Jared reaches up---a lot higher because Muzz is part giraffe---and plants a big, smacking kiss on his helmet.

Oh, Tristan thinks. He does it to everyone. It’s a goalie-specific thing, not a Tristan-specific thing. That’s... well, that’s okay then, isn’t it?

He starts the next game, and Jared doesn’t kiss him before it starts. Maybe that’s why they win, he decides. Everyone’s bright-eyed and happy, knocking their foreheads against Tristan’s helmet after, but Tristan’s not really paying attention, too focused on Jared’s place in line.

He doesn’t kiss him. Doesn’t even meet his eyes, the smile on his face hollow like he’s faking it, and he only slaps Tristan on the shoulder before turning away, leaving Tristan to stare after him.

It’s fine, he tells himself, and follows his team off the ice. 

And it is fine, mostly. They’re winning more than they lose, climbing the standings with dogged determination. Tristan’s able to force himself into focus again, and he doesn’t care that Jared doesn’t kiss him after wins anymore. He doesn’t. He especially doesn’t care that he still kisses Muzz after his wins.

He doesn’t care so aggressively that he glares at Jared when he approaches him after games, until Jared’s looking anywhere but at him and the congratulations he offers are nothing more than a nod before he turns to skate away. 

“Any chance you’re going to get past this on your own?” Sid asks one evening after the media’s gone.

“Get past what,” Tristan snaps, and immediately feels guilty for being rude to Sid, of all people, who only wants the best for everyone on his team. “Sorry,” he says more moderately. “Just been on edge, I guess.”

Sid examines him with dark eyes that see too much. “Maybe you should talk to him,” he suggests.

He definitely sees too much.

Tristan shoves his feet into his shoes. “Goodnight, Sid.”

He stalks for the garage without looking back. He’s almost to his car when he realizes someone’s waiting for him. He gives serious thought to hiding behind a pillar and calling a Lyft when he realizes it’s Jared, arms crossed over his chest and a thunderous scowl on his face.

He doesn’t, but it’s a near thing. 

Jared straightens when he sees him, hands dropping to his sides. “Um. Sid said I had to talk to you or I was benched.”

Goddamn meddling captains.

“Tell him we talked then,” Tristan says, pulling his keys out of his pocket. “Goodnight.”

“Yeah, that won’t fly.” Jared doesn’t sound any happier than Tristan feels. “You know Sid. He won’t let it go until whatever this is is fixed.”

“What is this?” Tristan snaps.

“I don’t know!” Jared retorts, matching his tone. “We were okay one day and then we weren’t and I... I fucked something up but I don’t know how, okay, but I’m trying here, can you just... work with me a bit?”

Tristan glares at him for a minute. To his credit, Jared doesn’t flinch. He just lifts his chin and waits.

“Get in the damn car,” Tristan growls, and Jared wastes no time scrambling for the passenger side.

Tristan doesn’t start the car once they’re inside. They sit quietly, watching the last few players heading for their cars. Finally, Jared stirs.

“Why did you kiss me?” Tristan asks abruptly.

Jared blinks. “I---what?”

“You started kissing my helmet after wins,” Tristan says. This is horrible. He wants very much to just disappear altogether and not have to talk about his feelings or whatever, but Jared’s twisted to look at him. “Then you stopped. Why?”

“Why did I, uh, kiss you, or why did I stop?”

“Yes,” Tristan says, exasperated. “It’s fucking with my head, so could you please just... explain and then get out of my car so I can go home?”

Jared shifts in his seat. He looks weirdly guilty. “I didn’t mean anything by it,” he mumbles, and Tristan’s bad mood gets worse somehow. “I just---I was happy we won. I wanted to show you how much I appreciated you. But then that time I kissed you before the game, we lost and I know you blamed me, so---”

“Wait, whoa, back up. I blamed you? For us losing?”

“Well yeah. Didn’t you?”

“No,” Tristan snaps. “I blame JJ for turning over the puck and Rudy for forgetting how to be a D-man when I needed him, and the rest of you for not playing a good enough game to make up for it. And I blame myself because I still should have been able to keep the pucks out anyway and I didn’t. What did you have to do with any of that?”

Jared is gaping at him. “But. I kissed you. And we lost.”

“Correlation does not equal causation. It had nothing to do with you.”

“Well, that’s why,” Jared says. “I thought... I thought you were mad at me.”

“Well, I wasn’t,” Tristan says. “Not until you started kissing Muzz but not me.”

Jared’s eyes widen. “Did you want---”

“Forget it,” Tristan snaps. “Get out of my car.”

“No, I don’t think I will,” Jared says, lifting his chin again. “Explain what you meant and then I’ll go, how’s that?”

Tristan slumps in his seat and glares out the windshield. 

“Were you jealous?” Jared asks.

Tristan glares harder at nothing.

“Oh my god,” Jared breathes. He sounds delighted. Tristan sneaks a look. Yup, he’s grinning. “Jars, you could have said. Why didn’t you just say?”

“Why are you still here?” Tristan asks, making his voice as forbidding as possible, but if anything, Jared’s grin just widens.

“You like me,” he says.

“Right now, there are Flyers I like more than you,” Tristan growls.

Jared laughs. He actually laughs, and Tristan reconsiders the viability of making a run for it.

It’s already too late. Jared is leaning over the armrest, reaching out to cup Tristan’s chin in his hand and turn his face. Tristan decides it would be childish to resist, so he allows it. Jared’s only a few inches away, a smile dancing in his eyes when Tristan meets his gaze.

“You don’t have to be jealous,” Jared says, and a shiver runs down Tristan’s spine. “Don’t you know you’re the only one I want to kiss?”

“Hearing a lot of big talk,” Tristan retorts. “Maybe you should put your money where your---mmph!” 

Jared’s mouth is warm and soft, and all rational thought flees Tristan’s brain. All he can do is hold on as Jared deepens the kiss, cupping Tristan’s face in one hand as he licks into his mouth.

They’re both breathing hard when Jared pulls away. He’s smiling as he thumbs Tristan’s chin.

“I do have a confession to make,” he murmurs, and Tristan’s never heard him sound like this, his voice all breathy and soft. 

He manages to quirk an eyebrow.

“What the hell is correlation does not equal... whatever that other word was?”

“Causation,” Tristan says, fighting the laughter. “Read a book sometime.” And he pulls him back into another kiss, feeling better than he has in weeks as Jared laughs against his mouth and kisses him back.

~~~

Inspired by Jared actually doing this to Tristan after a win

[b-rainlet]

Here it comes, the post that about two people have been waiting for:

Watching tua I saw a lot of parallels between Vanya and Luther, so much that I decided to make a little post about it (based on my knowledge after watching the show one time)

So let's look at them, shall we?

One of the first things I noticed is their clothing.

I saw a lot of people joking on how Vanya dresses like a gay (which I def support) but looking closer to her clothes, you can see that she mostly wears stuff that’s ill-fitting on her, baggy jeans and too big shirts. Plus, compared to for example Allison or Klaus she wears muted colours, nothing flashy or memorable (the only thing that stuck in my head was the suit and even that was -at first - a normal suit, nothing extra-ordinary. Someone else may have worn a dress, or even some jewellery with the suit, little things that catch the eye).

I think we can all agree that she doesn’t wanna attract any attention, she tries her best to hide herself, be it by blending into her surroundings by avoiding too colourful clothing or by actively hiding her form under too big clothes.

Luther tries more or less the same, although you can argue about how succesfull that is.

Luther is even more obvious about hiding his body, never taking of his coat and even wearing gloves to conceal his hands. He can’t really wear anything that’s big on him because he already is incredibly big (and probably has clothing made extra for him, made to fit) but I bet if he had the chance, he’d also wear baggy things to hide himself.

At the same time, his stuff also isn’t all too flashy (and as far as I remember, he always wears the same stuff? He doesn’t seem to have a big wardrobe).

In both Vanya and Luther’s case, their clothing style stems from low self-esteem. And they both have low self-esteem because of their father.

So while Vanya probably had to live with very low self-esteem since she was a child, due to being reduced to being ‘ordinary’ - and that being treated like it’s a bad thing - and Luther’s problems with his body most likely only started when he was transformed, both of those incidents were engineered and executed by their father.

(But you could argue that Luther seemed to have a very tense relationship with food even before that, binge-eating or not eating at all and feeling guilty about eatogn too much, so maybe he had body issues way before his transformation. But I’m not sure whether the show really intends to explore that, so I stuck to post-monkey body Luther).

(Also also Luther canonically hates his body enough to self-harm (the scars on his chest) and in an interview it was stated that he thought about suicide because of it, both of which are things Vanya can probably relate to but aren’t addressed in the show, so I’m leaving them out on her part).

The only other person I could see having similar problems with his body is Five (Allison and Klaus both seem to be comfortable and Diego calls his body a temple, so it’s save to say they are content how they are body-wise). Ben is dead so I don’t know whether you can say he even has a body. But Five - although surely not happy that his time traveling plans didn’t turn out as planned - seems to be more annoyed at people treating him like a child and not at himself for looking like that (Also his hair is really fly, I keep getting jealous of it)

Speaking of low self-esteem, did you notice something?

Looking back on the show I realized something: Luther and Vanya are both alone.

If you think about it, there aren’t a lot of people outside of their family any of them interact with. But the others do have people they know and they are close to that aren’t family.

Diego has Eudora and even though they don’t have a relationship anymore, they continue to be close to each other and Diego obviously trusts her a whole lot.

Allison had Patrick and Claire. Those two aren’t as prominent as Patch but nevertheless Allison shows that she loves her daughter a lot and at one point in life, seemed to have loved Patrick enough to marry him and have a child with him (there’s also the fact that they seem to have divorced because of Allison using her powers on Claire and not because they had problems as a couple).

Klaus....is a bit trickier. He doesn’t have anyone in the present timeline he seems to be really close to whose not one of his siblings, but he does seem to know a lot of people. He seemed to have a good relationship with the people in rehab, the paramedics seem to either already know him or took a liking to him real fast (I usually don’t high five my paramedics) and he seems to interact with loads of people and he’s had at least one boyfriend in the past (the guy who’s good at cooking).

Then there’s also Dave, who Klaus seems to have loved deeply, actively trying to get sober to summon him. Interesting how every non-familial relationship is immediately romantic

Five and Ben are a bit out of the loop but since one of them died and the other was alone for several years, they are definitely special cases.

And even then, Five had Delores to project a personality onto and have a relationship with to mimick the human interactions he sure as hell craved and he also spent some time working for the commission and it seems like he was well-liked there for his effiency (and the Handler seems to have a weird, creepy crush on him).

And what about Luther and Vanya? Well, Luther never left home and never had any contact with anyone except his father, Pogo and Grace (and even then, Reginald seemed to spend as little time as possible with his kids when it wasn’t about training and he seemed to have stopped training Luther at that point, Pogo is somehow only ever present to be a dick under the guise of mystery and I don’t remember any flashback with him really genuinely interacting with the kids or Luther and Grace may have been a good mom but she doesn’t really count as a human, does she now?)

(And from what you can see, she also doesn’t seem to interact with the kids a lot once they’re adults and mostly sticks to making food for them. Also Diego is obv her fave askalja)

And well, after the mission gone wrong Luther is supposed to spend the rest of his life on the moon, so there’s not a lot of possibility for him to socialize.

Vanya on the other hand has the best chances of starting a new and normal life with loads of friends since she was never required to dedicate her life to the academy like the others had to.

But what do we see of her before Leonard comes into the picture?

She lives alone, no mention of prior partners, no friends, the people who work with her in the orchestra don’t even know her name.....

(Granted, she does have a relationship with someone outside of her family during the first season but I don’t actually count that as a genuine relationship since Leonard only uses her).

The others also have all those added relationships established from the beginning, while Vanya has no one in the beginning and Luther continues to be completely dependant on his family concerning human interaction.

Which brings me to my next point: They both don’t have a real relationship with their family

The one who seems to get along best with everyone is Klaus. He has a good relationship with Diego, they have a lot of scenes together, he and Allison seem to get along, being the only two who actually hug each other and of course him and Ben are really close due to circumstances.

Diego has - as already mentioned - Klaus and also he’s close to Grace (something the others aren’t, even though they all are obviously very fond of her).

But Luther and Vanya are both kind of on the sidelines.

Vanya because she always was and her father encouraged that by not letting her train with her siblings (which I still think is stupid because she could’ve learned combat?? Both Klaus and Allison don’t have powers that grant them a lot of fighting skills and they were still trained how to to take out enemies, so why not Vanya, honestly). He didn’t let her get a tattoo, didn’t let her be on family portraits, her room was moved from being closer to her siblings to being up in the attic as far as I know, basically she was taught she isn’t part of this family.

And that shows in how little she really interacts with her siblings and how in all of those interactions she gets put down, mostly by Diego.

Then there’s Luther, who was part of the academy, who was granted all the things that Vanya couldn’t do and still he doesn’t have a better relationship with his family.

He was obviously closer to his father than his siblings and there’s a wedge between them based on the way his father favoured him over the others (good example is his relationship with Diego).

I personally also think that taking on the role of leader made him distance himself more from the others? Like, you obviously have a different relationship with your co-workers than your boss and I could see the others being cautious around him because what if he snitches on them? Also they obviously didn’t share his views on how good their Dad is and that obviously further divided them, although all of that is more of a hc since we don’t get a lot of general Luther flashbacks about him as a kid.

Notice how in all those scenarios Vanya is the one who deliberately chooses to push herself further away from everyone else whereas Luther doesn’t seem to have a choice about it. Even with their family, Luther doesn’t seem to get out of his role as the leader and genuinely tries to be there for his family even though it only makes matters worse whereas Vanya chooses to write her book (something that really breaks her relationship with Diego) even though she must’ve known about the consequences.

You can argue that Five and Vanya seems to have had a good relationship as kids but looking at the show Five really seems to not ‘belong’ anywhere, spending some time with Vanya, then Klaus, then Allison and Diego, then Luther and then he’s on his own again for some time....

He’s a bit like that one kid in school that doesn’t have a fixed freindgroup and just changes every other week, which makes sense considering that he spent a lot of time apart from his family (even longer than they spent without him) and he’s changed a lot due to that and probably needs to properly reconnect with the others first.

But who did I forget? Oh yeah, Allison.

See, I didn’t mention because Allison she’s another factor where Luther and Vanya parallel each other.

Allison is the only Hargreeves who seems to try and reach out for the two of them on several occasions.

We already see that both their relationships with Diego are tense but we also see that they both seem to click best with Allison.

Allison tries her best to include Vanya in the family again, telling her she belongs there and trying to be supportive when Vanya tells her she met someone (and later on going on a whole detective tangent because Leonard seems shady, that’s peak older sibling).

With Luther, there’s the romance subplot of course but even without that, Allison tries to comfort him about his body and the fact that everything he did was for naught (something none of the others by the way do when the chandelier drops on him. They all see his body, but only Allison tries to talk to him about it as far as I remember. Diego makes fun of it).

Seriously, Allison tries very hard to reach out to those two especially.

(And in the end, both of them end up pushing her out. Vanya by lashing out and hurting her and Luther by not listening to her repeatedly and locking up Vanya).

Both of them are also the most emotionally vulnerable.

Vanya is manipulated by Leonard easily because she desperate for love and approval, even though Leonard screamed ‘shady guy’ from a mile away, let’s be real.

And Luther was blinded so badly by his Dad’s teaching that even when he nearly died, he didn’t leave him and even when his father was dead, he kept acting exactly how Reginald would’ve wanted him to.

All the others don’t seem as perceptive, with Allison seeing through Leonard’s bullshit right away and Diego clearly stating what a monster their Father actually was (and even though all of them are affected by their childhood trauma, they all seem to realize that there was something traumatic happening at all, Luther never really got that far only after he found the unopened sample he had sent his Dad).

So basically, Luther’s and Vanya’s arcs have a lot of similarities that are probably 100% deliberate and they seem to go through a lot of the same stuff even though their original placement within the story (Number One versus Number Seven) seems to frame them as opposites.

And they are opposites, just thinking about how exactly they were isolated from their family shows that. But at the same time even though both their stories are happening on opposite sides, they always end up paralleling each other.

I like to say ‘Two sides of the same coin’

This is basically a long rambly post of me saying that I really think those two could help each other a lot and have an arc about growing closer together, especially considering something  @deweysdenouement has said:

Luther’s whole arc goes from believing your Father was just and always made the right decisions and being convinced that your life had a very specific purpose to learning that everything you thought was basically a lie and that you just wasted your time doing something completely useless because your Father couldn’t stand the sight of you (also your Father was abusive and what you suffered through was, in fact, abuse, and not justified in any way).

And Vanya goes from I am only ordinary and I will never be special in any way and therefore everyone is right to just brush over me and my feelings to I actually am the most powerful out of all of my siblings and I have a right to speak my mind.

(Basically from One to Zero and from Zero to One in one Season).

[monohart]

bread. (highschool!au)

ft. hwang hyunjin, bread and angst-fluff.

chan bet you couldn’t make bread

you bet you could

changbin put 50 bucks for can’t

actually

everyone betted against you, including your boyfriend hyunjin

he gave you a wink from the other side of the room and you didn’t know whether to laugh or cry

he wasn’t kidding when he warned you last night that if you bet against them, they’re either all for you, or all against you

you couldn’t even take out your anger on him for being so annoying without being too obvious

because hyunjin wasn’t a fan of pda... or any publicity for that matter

so it was silly but none of the others knew you two were going out

y’all been dating in secret for almost a full year

“i just don’t wanna share you with the others”

it was a pathetic excuse but the relationship was between you two only so who cares if nobody else knew

right??

anyway

you didn’t spend most an entire summer learning to bread and pastries with your aunt to Lose the bet

but long story short you won the bet and you were like the tax collector that day

changbin lowkey thought you were pretty cool hated you from then

in the afternoon, hyunjin ditched soccer practice to hang out with you because he was kinda very extremely super proud that you pulled through with the bet and showed the boys what you were capable of

the entire time they ate your bread he was just like

wow... damn i’m lucky

you had lots of assignments to get through so he came to help

you guys didn’t really have a secret hideout so you brought him home.

one thing led to another and

y’all ended up snuggling on your carpet

he was in his soccer gear aka Dirty™ so you didn’t let him on the bed

but at the same time you were so deprived of getting pampered by him so the carpet had to do

“but now i’ve dirtied your carpet, haven’t i?”

you punch him and he laughs his stupid cute little laugh :<

you send him off right before dinner because y’all didn’t want parents to start asking questions about you two

seungmin was your neighbour and should be coming home from soccer practice (the one hyunjin ditched) so the goodbye was short and sweet

you watch him sprint down the street and turn to you just before disappearing around the corner, to blow you another kiss

he was a soft baby to you but when it came to his friends the most he could do was sit next to you and tease you till no end

and quite often his teasing made you really quite genuinely annoyed at him bc

lol hwang hyunjin is a lil shit have you seen him

sometimes you hated him for being such an ass in front of his friends

but then you think of the soft moments like when y’all cuddle and kiss and go on secret dates... you always forgive him in the end.

not too long later everything happened, you had the urge to make bread again.

and this time you wanted to bake one just for him!!!

also bc your first anniversary was coming up yo it should be cute and special right? :))

you didn’t tell him your plans and neither of you spoke about the special day.

you decide it was all gonna be a surprise.

when the day came, you got up extra early to make sure you made the perfect loaf.

you weren’t disappointed with your results!!! it looked and smelt amazing and hyunjin would love it

you took the earlier bus to get to school bc you were gonna wait outside the gym for him bc he had compulsory gym training.

thankfully you knew only hyunjin and woojin were gonna be at the session so you really only had to avoid one person

that was woojin

oof

poor woojin lol he was kinda happy to see u but you pretended to not hear him through your headphones

when hyunjin walked out, your heart dropped like 10-fold bc he had like 29475959 friends from his other classes with him

so you yell out his name and pass the well-wrapped loaf to him

he did that dick move where he smiled and halfassed a nod to you and continue walking with his friends

honestly.. honestly honestly.. you were a bit like :/

only because he seemed indifferent to see you and stuff

but like ok whatever at least he took it

but you also had another present for him which was a card and letter you spent a lot of time on

so you push past his friends to walk beside him ask if y’all could perhaps talk

“we’re talking now, aren’t we?”

:<

and his friend who you weren’t familiar with butts in right there and goes all “ooo another suitor?? another girlfriend?? damnnn.. hwang hyunjin you dAWG”

a..another girlfriend..?

you didn’t even have time to process what he said bc that “friend” clapped hyunjin’s shoulder

and

and he dropped the loaf

y’all watched as it rolled down the stairs and the wrapping tore in half so the loaf tumbled out onto the dirty corridor floor

his friends started laughing and someone at the bottom of the staircase kicked the loaf around like a soccer ball

you look at hyunjin and he was laughing along with his friends??? ??

you ripped the letter you wrote into pieces and threw it at his face

and he looked at you in shock and surprise but

you left immediately

lowkey bumped into woojin on the way to class

but you left him in the dust because you just felt so so so humiliated and hurt

it was lunchtime

seungmin and felix were a bit confused as to why you walked straight past their table to sit with your other friends

hyunjin was still confused poor baby actually completely forgot about your anniversary so he thought you made another bet to make bread

you had history class with him after lunch, but you moved to the front of the classroom

which is somewhere he would never sit.

he kept throwing pieces of paper at you to ask why you were all the way at the front

even got some people to pass notes to you

all of which you ignored

:<

it took him until last period to figure out why you were giving him the cold shoulder

he was sitting in physical education class — watching some documentary about dance or smth

and obvs his headass wasnt paying the slightest bit attention to the film but he was thinking of you instead

and why you wore a permanent frown since the start of the day

while thinking of you he suddenly realised the date

then all the events of the day rushed into his mind all at once - from you waiting outside the gym, to the loaf incident, to your expression as you blind sided him and the boys the entire day

without asking for permission he ran out of class and straight to your chemistry class where y’all were doing filtration tests

and he stormed into the lab, spotting you immediately

you were working with minho, your lab partner, in the far corner, and y’all were giggling over a joke or smth but as soon as you saw hyunjin you turned away immediately

and it really broke his heart because he knew he was the reason why you were so uncomfortable

by then, the entire class was asking hyunjin why he was there

but all he could see was you trying to exit out the back

and he had no idea what came over him

but the entire class started screaming (esp minho) when he ran up to you and hugged you tightly

obvs like you were still mad at him so you knee-d him lol

and the entire class continued screaming (esp minho) as you pushed him out of the classroom and shut the door on him

needless to say the rest of the lab session was Super Awkward and minho tried not to make eye contact with you

(in case he gets knee-d too right)

by the end of the day you still couldn’t get over how the entire day was ruined and you rushed home before the bell rang bc u just had enough and some alone time was much nneeded

when the doorbell rang after dinnertime you wanted to cry because you were the only one at home

and you had to answer it because what if it was something urgent

but

what if it was hyunjin... who you didn’t want to see...

it was hyunjin ofc

he was wearing his sports gear and it seem like he was just out for a run

you started to close the door but he did that cheesy thing where he pushed it open again

and before you could speak, he kneeled down

you panic for a moment

but he got himself together and apologised.

because he knew since day one how important anniversaries were to you and he really had no excuse for forgetting, and he realises how you much like crap you must’ve felt when his other gym friends made fun of you and your gift and he was so unforgivably sorry because he laughed with them

he really shouldn’t have

but he did because they were just a couple of dumb teenage guys who liked to joke around without a care in the world

you see that he was really struggling and stumbling over his words

and deep down you knew how much you meant to him and how scared he was of losing you

you pulled him up and hugged him because you didn’t want him to continue or else you’d start crying real hard

so you kissed him to finally shut him up

but you hadn’t forgiven him yet so he was still hesitant to return your kiss but you cupped his cheeks and bite his cute fat lips that were just a little fatter because you were squishing his cheeks

you tell him that you really really didn’t want to hide your relationship anymore and he nodded without hesitation and then you tell him you’d forgive him if he kissed you properly

he didn’t hesitate at all uwu

after a really long time hhh y’all finally parted to Breathe a lil... gosh

you stare at his lips and see them all swollen and rosy and it made you shy bc Girl you did That hhhh

and he’s looking at you in the same way bc yours were swollen too and y’all stand there holding onto each other for who knows how long but then he wanted to kiss you again and you wanted him to kiss you too so he did

by the time y’all pulled away Again y’all were breathing and laughing and crying and laughing and just feeling all the emotions at once

and he rested his forehead against yours and tells you he’ll make you a loaf of bread instead

and you cry just a bit harder which sends him off too

w-why is he such a baby :(

not that you were complaining though.. because he tells you that he’s really been a better version of himself since he met you

and all the worries and things that make you scared about relationships just seemed irrelevant

because you and him were in this together

and it was the best feeling ever.

[voltronlegendaryimagines]

I'm so cruel omg. Can I request headcanons for the paladins if they accidentally hurt their S/O seriously enough to send them into the healing pod? I'm so mean to these poor babs

I get so many angst requests and tbh it gives me life but also I feel bad for them suffering orz

Keith

It was completely an accident

You had been in the training room together and he swung his Bayard too close to you

He was turned away from you when it happened, and your scream is the only reason he knew to look

To his horror, there was a massive gash across your back

He carries you to a healing pod himself, trying to avoid hurting you anymore than he already had

There was blood all over him by the time he got you to the healing pods

Very conflicted on if he should stay with you until you wake up or not

On one hand, he wanted to make sure you were alright

On the other, he felt guilty every time he looked at you because he knew that it was his fault you were there

He stays because, in the end, he doesn’t want you to wake up alone

Not even Shiro can get him to go back to his room

The second you’re awake and stepping out of the pod, he’s in front of you, but noticeably farther away than he usually would be when the two of you were alone

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… I didn’t— I didn’t see you and I was careless and—”

You hug him and he stops in the middle of his sentence

“It was an accident. Don’t beat yourself up about it, okay? I’m fine now.”

All he can think is holy shit I don’t deserve them

Lance

You guys had been on a mission and came across some Galra soldiers

Not a lot of them, so you weren’t all that worried

Lance had been farther back using him sniper, while you were in closer

All of a sudden you had gone for the same soldier as Lance, and you were in his sights just as he pulled the trigger

He didn’t hit anywhere life-threatening, but you were down for the count in an instant

It’s everything he can do to take care of the few remaining soldiers before sprinting over to you

Immediately takes you home, hardly even explaining to the team what happened

Allura helps him get you into a healing pod, and he feels sick the entire time

The rest of the team come to check on both you and Lance, although he doesn’t really acknowledge them, not even when they’re leaving

Shiro pats him on the shoulder as he goes

He sits in front of your pod and cries once everyone else leaves

Can’t believe that he hurt you

He’s almost asleep when you leave the pod, but he snaps to attention once you do

“How are you feeling? Are you okay?”

Holds you but he’s very gentle and nervous because god what if he hurt you again?

You have to assure him that it wasn’t his fault

Even after that, it takes him a long time to forgive himself for what happened

Pidge

The two of you had been testing out some things Pidge had made

Some upgrades to the jet packs, nothing too crazy

Or at least it didn’t seem like it, until you turned it on

Then you both realized that the fire was too intense. Far, far too intense

By the time you had gotten out of your suit, your entire back was blistered and you were close to passing out from the pain

Hunk was nearby and helped bring you to the healing pods

He doesn’t really ask questions, but you’re pretty sure he has a gist of what happened

Pidge spends the entire time pacing outside of the pod

What if you didn’t wake up? What if you ended up scarred? What if you hate her for this?

Completely blames herself for the incident

Hardly eats at all until you wake up

Gives you a bear hug immediately

Before realizing that oh shit your back might still hurt and lets you go

You pull her back in for another hug obvs

She starts apologizing and just feels genuinely horrible and you assure her that she couldn’t have known it would happen

Besides, you’re fine now!

You’re both crying in the end and you def cuddle for the rest of the day

She has nightmares about it even after you’re healed, though

Shiro

You had spent the night in his room

Nothing unusual there, though it was unusual for you to wake up before him

You were sort of just lazily tracing your fingers along his chest when you noticed that he looked sort of pained

You knew he still had nightmares but you hadn’t been with him while he was having one before

You tried gently shaking him awake, but he was a heavy enough sleeper that being gentle didn’t really work

You gave him a pretty decent shove, and it woke him up, but he was also startled enough that he activated his prosthetic arm

Your entire arm is cut up before he realizes that it was just a nightmare, but what he’s done to you is undoubtably real

He screams when he realized what he’d done

At first, he refuses to tell anyone what happened, despite all the questions him running around in his pajamas with you bleeding in his arms garners

Quietly, he explains it to Allura after you’re in a healing pod

Out of everyone, he takes it the hardest

When you’re about to wake up, he leaves and locks himself in his room

Allura is there when you wake up and gives you a big hug before telling you where Shiro went

At first he doesn’t open the door to you, but after some persisting he would open up

His eyes are red and you’re pretty sure he’d been crying before

“I’m so, so sorry…”

The next few days, he’d need some time to himself, as well as a lot of reassurance that you’re ok

Hunk

The two of you were sparring on a day off

Sort of out of boredom, honestly. You two didn’t have much else to do

It went wrong though when he knocked you back and you tripped backwards

Your head fell directly onto a spare training weapon

The impact was enough to cause you to lose consciousness, and there was a cut on the back of your head as well

Hunk panicked and called for someone, anyone, to meet him at the healing pods to help you into one

Shiro is the one who shows up

He wants to know what happened, but he waits until you’re already in the pod before saying anything

Hunk is ashamed but he explains anyways

Shiro comforts him and, while it helps, seeing you up and about would help a lot more

He’s going back and forth between pacing the hallways of the castle and checking on you

He doesn’t really know what to do with himself, but he doesn’t want to just sit around either

Probably cooks you something and leaves it by your pod. Just in case you’re hungry when you wake up

He’s actually on another one of his walks when you get up

He comes back to find you sitting on the ground eating and he can’t help but laugh because it’s so you

He sits down with you, and grabs your hand while asking how you’re feeling

“I just want you to know… I’m really sorry about what happened. I’m so glad you’re alright…”

[emmalt24]

About me: History, background, CONTEXT!

Where my insecurities lie

I think that we all have our self-doubts and insecurities and it would be hard to go through life without experiencing them in some form. I believe that the majority of our insecurities can be traced back to childhood events, traumas, rejections, shifts in family dynamics etc. There is a reason behind why we are the way we are, we just have to trace the triggers back to their sources and try to use them to motivate, empower and drive us forward. 

‘Do not let rejection define you. Let how you cope with rejection after define yourself’ - Jia Jiang from ‘What I learned from 100 days of rejection’ TED Talk 

Here are four of my deepest, darkest insecurities. Not in order of pertinence. .  

I have never felt bright enough. 

I am the youngest of 4. I have three older brothers and we are quite close in age (7 year gap from the eldest). My mothers parents were devastated when they discovered she was a girl as they wanted her to inherit and take over their lavish country estate. Through no fault of her own she never felt wanted in her own family which I think in turn affected our relationship. Many people assumed because I am the youngest and only girl I received some sort of special treatment. I was treated (and definitely dressed) like one of the boys. I wore all of their hand me downs (even pants!), played football and looked a bit of a state half the time! 

Thank God I met my well dressed best friend when I was 10, if not who knows where I’d be now! I have always felt that my mother has subtly resented me and undermined me partially due to the fact I am a girl. I understand why but I so wished (and still do now) to have a closer, more emotional, open relationship with her which I feel I have with my friends and friends mums! We by no means have a terrible relationship and I am grateful for lots of the things she has done but it has never been an open, easy one and I have accepted it for what it is. 

I don’t think I grew up in a very intellectually stimulating environment. 

My early days before I started school consisted of me being ferried along on school runs, completing chores and going here there and everywhere with my brothers. Don’t get me wrong I am sure my mum did lots of lovely things with me too but when you are the youngest of four you are on the back burner of importance a little. When my best friend had her first child she would map out days for her consisting of sensory baby classes, swimming and massage - I think my schedule was a little different! Then I started school - I don’t remember much of my first few years of school except for having a complete block when it came to maths. I remember sitting next to a boy completing subtraction sums and being so confused (I think he was too). I was copying his work but he kept rubbing it out. Teachers were coming over to help him but not me. I was too shy to ask for help at school and I didn’t feel like anyone had time for me at home. I became a little lost in the classroom and I always felt a step behind my peers. I don’t think my parents supported me with my early reading, maths or spellings which would have been such an important foundation. Perhaps unsurprisingly my job now is to give children a good foundation of knowledge and to support parents so that the children in my care hopefully will feel confident regardless of their ability and never have to feel like I did. Primary school was quite an uphill battle for me and a move at the end of Year 3 from a large sporty school to an all girls small academic school knocked my confidence once again. I got by in most subjects and loved sport but maths was always my nemesis. It just didn’t (and still doesn’t) make sense for me! I hated it. I remember my mum's bright idea for my impending 11+ secondary school entrance exam was to get my short fused middle brother to ‘explain maths’ to me probably in return for a chocolate bar. I remember dreading our sessions after dinners which basically consisted of him getting frustrated and making me feel even more stupid and worried that I would never get into a secondary school of my choice. Most sessions would end in tears and he would storm off vouching to my mother that he never wanted to help me again! 

I don’t really understand a lot of the decisions my parents made regarding mine and my brother's education. We grew up next to some of the best schools in the country which I am sure we would have all done well at but instead they sent us to far flung expensive (some not very good) schools and boarding schools. My mum only put me forward for one entrance exam to a secondary school (probably only because my friend was also applying there and her mum suggested she at least sign me up to one school). I felt so unprepared and nervous about the entrance exam. I still really struggled with maths and my only tuition support (if you can call it that) was from my brother who made me feel worse about the subject and myself! My friend who was also sitting the exam had practised some of the papers at her school already and her sister was at the school giving her an extra foot in the door. The English papers went fine but I knew I flopped on the maths. The weeks after the exams waiting for the results were tense. What was I going to do if I didn’t get in? Where would I go to school? I have a vivid, painful memory of the day my mother told me I didn’t get in through a passive aggressive rhetorical reply. It was a Saturday morning and I had a feeling she had received the letter. My room was at the top of the house and she was ironing on the landing. I sat on the top step nervous to broach the subject of my impending doom... ‘So did you hear back from the school? Did I get in?’ I asked sheepishly. She glanced up from her ironing as if I’d asked her what the time was. ‘What do you think?’ she said. ‘I didn’t get in did I?’ I said glumly. ‘No, you didn’t’. Then she just continued on with the ironing. There was no discussion, no chat, no let's actually think carefully about what to do and how we can support you, your future. NOTHING. 

To this day I still beat myself up because I didn’t get into that school. I ended up going to a pricey but good secondary school which did not require an entry exam (yippee). It was a small all girls Catholic school and I ended up doing the International Baccalaureate which I only recently discovered I actually did pretty well in compared to A-Levels. I looked at IB grade boundaries compared to A-Level results and it turns out I got the equivalent of three Bs and three Cs in the IB. As someone who has never flourished academically, that’s actually alright! 

Walking towards to the end of my high school days with a close friend. 

I have never felt pretty enough. 

Growing up with three brothers was nice in the sense that I never had to fight over clothes or make up with sisters. Although I would have loved to have had someone to braid my hair or to steal their clothes (obvs not the other way round!) Up until my last year of primary school I was the biggest, sportiest Tom Boy. I lived in my brothers hand me downs and refused to wear dresses or pink clothes. It wasn’t until I met my best friend that my style changed. She was tall, well dressed, sporty, academic and drop dead gorgeous. I swapped my brothers hand me downs for hers and over time became less dishevelled and a little cooler (haha)! I spent the majority of my free time as a teenager competing in tennis tournaments with her and my other tennis friends. I was rarely at home and was almost adopted by other families. In the holidays I would spend weeks at friends houses and would tag along on family holidays. I related more to these families and felt more accepted by them. I’m just so thankful they were from nice, sporty, intellectual backgrounds so I stayed on the right path and grew up still doing the things I loved. My parents barely knew where I would go from the age of 10 as I started taking buses on my own so I could have easily ‘gotten in with the wrong crowd’ but luckily I chose some good eggs! 

ANYWAY back to the point of this and this explaining / understanding this insecurity. My best friend did a lot of modelling growing up and I never really felt pretty compared / next to her. We couldn’t walk down the street without heads turning, her being accosted or people staring left right and centre. She was good at blocking a lot of it out but it was so noticeable to me and although she didn’t like most of it, it often left me feeling like I wasn’t pretty enough because she got all the attention. I remember one time when we were 16 and we went together to the new Abercrombie & Fitch store in London. For some ridiculous reason (I knew this would never happen), I really wanted one of the models to ask if I wanted to work there. Obviously there's a mould you have to fit, you need to be attractive but not necessarily a model. SO I put on a lot of makeup and my nicest outfit at the time, tried to be subtle about it, as if I was going to admit that to her?! We traipsed up to London on the train on a wet and windy day and 5 minutes into browsing some booty shorts (although who really knows because it’s so bloody dark in there!) an attractive tall, dark, ripped model swooped in and approached my best friend, asking if she wanted a job there. I also think he used it as a bit of an excuse to chat her up! She had a sidekick phone at the time and he was asking her a lot about that. I remember we walked out, it was raining, I felt so dejected and idiotic for even assuming there may be the slightest possibility someone would approach me with the same offer. I tried not to let my disappointment show or let it tarnish the rest of the day. That night when I got home I took out my scissors from my pen pot and made a cut at the top of my wrist so deep the scar still remains today 14 years on. That was a one-off self-harm incident but still my way of punishing myself for not being approached, not pretty enough, they don’t want you, why would they, they want her. 

Looking like a bit of a hobo next to my best friend at a fashion show circa 2008.

A nicer pic of the two of us. Still my best friend to this day. :) 

I was never good enough at tennis and my back held me back! 

Growing up tennis was the biggest and best parts of my life and it still is today. It brought me so many friendships which I still continue to have. I remember the first time I went to the tennis club, I must have been about 4. My mum hadn’t played since having my oldest brother and wanted to get back into it. We went up to the club with old school wooden rackets and heavy yellow balls. I just remember trying to bounce the ball on my racket and longing to play properly. I don’t remember officially learning to play, it was so long ago! Tennis quickly became part of my DNA. Despite not being overly academic tennis was my trump card and was what I was known and respected for at school. Teachers and friends showed genuine interest in competitions and would stick newspaper articles up in the halls showing my successes. 

Despite being a good county player I was never a top player which I so aspired to be. My best friend was one step ahead and in every tournament we entered together she seemly always got through to a further round. I never held this against her or let it affect our friendship, I just accepted that if we were in the same tournament the likelihood was she would eventually knock me out (unless we were playing doubles together). Nonetheless this was an extra unavoidable comparison; I already felt she was prettier and more clever than me and this was the cherry on top of the cake. 

When I was 12 my back problem was spotted. 

I remember when I was 10 going on 11 about to start at my secondary school I had to go to my doctor for a medical exam. I was sitting in the chair and the doctor was not overly complimentary about me. He said that my school would be shocked by the time I ‘finally reached puberty’ and that I had a terrible posture and needed to sit up straight. . . thanks

I LOVED PE, I could have done PE all day at my school and enjoyed all the sports my school offered. It was international so we got to play volleyball, basketball and baseball which I preferred to British sports like netball and hockey. One day at school I had the most terrible back pain but I didn’t want to admit to it. I just really hoped it would go away by itself… I tentatively got in to my PE kit not telling a soul. Then we started our running warm up on our field which I would usually take delight at being first for but I ran just a few steps and had to stop due to crippling back pain. My PE teacher (who I adored) could see my pain was genuine and sent me off with a friend to the nurse. I heard her on the phone to my mum as I lay forlorn on the bed, ‘I’ve never had Emma in my room before, this really does seem like she’s hurt herself. I would come and collect her and see if you can make an appointment with the doctor’. My mum collected me before the end of the school day and managed to get me an appointment later that day. We drove down to the doctors office. Pretty much immediately she said I had scoliosis, curvature of the spine. I had never heard of it but I immediately saw my mum's face drop. My main concern was whether it was going to affect my tennis / sporting interests / career. 

In the years that followed little was done to stop the noticeable curve in my spine dramatically increasing and I could have done more (maybe) to avoid the traumatic surgery I underwent when I was 15. I continued to play tennis regularly, was extremely right hand dominant and carried the worlds heaviest one shoulder school bag equipped with my whole weeks learning every day (not clever). Maybe I should have had a brace in that time and taken greater care, maybe I should have done physio. There are arguments for and against. Some doctors think a curves inevitable and to let it happen and then consider bracing or surgery and some think trying bracing during pivotal growth spurts can reduce the degree of the curve. Anyway, I had check ups every 6 months and after the summer when I turned 15 I went for my check up in September time. I had just had a growth spurt and my curve had gotten dramatically worse. The doctor told me I’d need to try a back brace and referred me to a spinal surgeon in London. The surgeon filled us with a lot of confidence. My curve was just on the cusp of having to have surgery from a safety point of view but he assured us that the surgery was also aesthetic as my shoulders were out of line and the straightening would enable me to grow a few inches. He also assured us that I could play tennis a few months after surgery assuming everything had gone to plan. I opted for surgery which fortunately was successful. I think because I was active and healthy I made a quick recovery and was out of hospital in under a week which is pretty much unheard of. I spent half a term off school, was fueled on codeine and ibuprofen and spent days in bed watching property shows and my friends from school often came over to see how I was doing. All in all I am glad I had the surgery however my back is now by no means perfect. I take great care to ensure I do not over strain it and try to still complete daily physio exercises to avoid twinges and minor discomfort. The surgery was a ‘fix’ and not a ‘cure’. Two metal rods spanning three quarters of the way down my spine were inserted and 18 rods are fused to the vertebrae. I am petrified that something will go wrong, one will pop out of place on a cold day or what if I had a bad bike accident and something shifts? It’s really really scary and I wish I didn’t have it - but I do! Lying in bed you can feel the rods, sitting isn’t comfortable, I’m never really comfortable! People say to me, ‘oh Emma you have such a straight posture’ and I think to myself yes I do but also I have to sit up straight, I can’t slouch. This really does affect me and it’s too scary for me to talk about even with my closest friends. I need to see a specialist in London just to get some piece of mind on it. Anyway I have gone a little off topic but my back did impact my tennis and playing career. I’m not sure I would have made it anyway but it did throw a bit of a spanner in the works… 

A family tragedy was never properly dealt with. 

Growing up I had this aunt called Miranda. She was tall, slim, elegant, well spoken and incredibly beautiful. She lived far away in a beautiful country house stooped in generations of our family history. She lived in a house that was on land close to castle grounds (which was pulled down when my mum was five). I always felt a deep connection to where she lived and although I didn’t go many times I felt at home there and protected. I would explore the acres of land that surrounded the house and pick flowers to place by the graves of my deceased ancestors who I felt in some weird way were looking down on me. I didn’t and have never really been able to speak much about my time there growing up or the tragedy that ensued because it was and still fills me with such sadness. 

Where my mum grew up and the church next to the country house my aunt lived in.

I can’t remember when my mum told me she had bone cancer. She had had it a few years before, received treatment but it had returned. This time she didn’t want any treatment she just wanted to hang on for as long as she could. She didn’t want her parents to find out because she didn’t want her father to change the will which was mainly in her daughters favour over my mums. My mum didn’t mind as she didn’t need to inherit that much money anyway and she wanted her niece to be financially secure. She was a heavy smoker and drinker and she usually had one or the other (or both!) in her hand when I was in her company. After her diagnosis, each time we saw her she seemed to have deteriorated physically a little more and it broke my heart as the years went on leading up to her death. I remember at my grandfather's funeral, it was held at the church next to her country house. She was painfully thin yet still managed to walk elegantly across the cobbled path to the entrance clutching her husband's arm. 

The next month we were sitting at her funeral in the same church. One of the most devastating, heartbreaking days of my life. The aunt I hadn’t spent overly much time with growing up but whom I adored so deeply. What I’d give to be taken on another tour of her exquisite house, indulge in a family meal or hear a story of her arguing with her husband over a miscommunication over a turning in France. After the funeral and the time that followed her death I could tell that my mother was extremely sad but she didn’t express her emotions openly and instead we quickly got back to normal life. I don’t think she really realised how much the death impacted me growing up, it hung over me and I had an inability to speak about it to anyone. I just couldn’t, it was so sad. My parents didn’t ‘grieve’ or openly display their emotions regarding what had happened. I felt I had to stifle my emotions too. As a coping mechanism, I would cry myself to sleep and then wake up and go to school and get on with my day. When I was 15 I got so drunk, I cried the whole night in my friends arms but I couldn’t tell her why (it was for her). I just kept repeating, ‘I couldn’t hear what she was saying’. A day or so after my grandfather's funeral we stopped at the house to pick something up. She was ill in bed so didn’t greet us at the door. I was in the courtyard and she was banging on the window but I couldn’t hear what she was saying but she kept repeating it over and over. I wish I heard because that was the last thing she said to me. My friends mum called my mum to discuss my drunkenness which was very embarrassing, she was furious with me. Maybe she would have eased off a little had she known why I was so upset… 

[azaeleatheazurewolf]

Things that happened in my first year math class (Im leaving out names for obv reasons)

•Every wensday, someone would always play that one video of a guy saying “its wensday my duded,” at full blast. Every wensday

• We went through four teachers in less than three months

• Second and Fourth teacher were barely there, so we often had substitutes

• First was an anime fan, and he made that clear to us in the second week of school by mixing Anime references with math problems

•First left after like five or six weeks

• Second came in everyday wearing the exact same glasses frame, but it was always in different and wild colors

• Second also always wore different colored fedoras

• The way he left was wierd?? He just didn’t show up for like two weeks and then the vice principal came in and gave an apology letter to us to give to the parents

• That letter basically amounted to “Yeah sorry your kids don’t have a teacher anymore, Third has resigned from teaching permanently due to private reasons”

•Third was called Cloud

•Third was tHE ONLY TEACHER THAT THE STUDENTS SORT OF LISTENED TO

•Like, this class??? Full of problem children. There were like four other 9th graders in there with me in a class of like 37 or something

•Also?? Over two-thirds of the class were male??

•So yeah Third was the first only teacher that didn’t have a breakdown in class because of the students shenanigans

•He left because he was a substitute until the school found someone who was qualified to be a math teacher or something

•And then there was Four

•Four’s reign was problematic because imagine mixing Mrs.Umbridge with the absolute worst class of students

•I was like one of three students she didn’t actively hate and that was just because we were the only three who just didn’t talk

• Four made it so that we were never allowed to use the restroom

•”If i don’t get to use the restroom during classtime then neither do you”

• Every day. She got into a heated argument with multiple students over the course of the one class period

•also she hated it when that video was played on wensdays

•she made like three different major announcements that if she ever found out who it was she’d give em like a referral or something

• Four would also sometimes disapear for a week or two, and kids would be betting on whether or not she resigned but then she would come back

• One time we couldn’t go to class because a police officer came with a dog looking for drugs in the classroom. They also searched our bags

• There was this one day where someone in our class set off the fire alarm for the whole school??

• I wasn’t there to witness it because I was sick, but im told they didn’t find out who it was

• There was also another time where some girl set off the fire extinguisherin the classroom

• Good time to mention that the math classrooms aren’t like,, actual buildings?? Like, they look more like those boxes on trains than actual buildings

• And Four had the students desks set up in a way that there was only one lane you could walk through to get to the door which was in a back corner

•And i happened to sit on the opposite side of the room from the door

• So during the Fire Extinguisher Incident I felt very unhappy and inconvenienced by what looked like solid smoke filling up the room

• Then this other kid who was the only person I talked to in that class because I didn’t understand math and he sat next to me and I already kinda knew who he was in middle school interrupted my acceptance of death and told me that it was probably a better idea to be Outside instead of inhaling the stuff Imside

• So all the students were escorted outside, down a hill, down another hill, until we were at the bottom of the school’s property at one of the sports fields near the stadium.

• Then we had to sit in a gym area??

• We were all asked if we knew who did It, and then like five kids were taken somewhere else.

•Alright thats all I can remember for now

I think i forgot to mention some of these so here you go @crazycometspecular

[odrseasonone]

S2 & S3 (& 2 S4) Notes

these are obv 100% jumbled atm but here’s the record of the notes we made!!!

SEASON 2

AVINA has a dream about ANA dying her her arc is about trying to prevent ANA’s death

possibly, AVINA has a premonition that CRIS is gonna spell ANA’s doom??????

ROB and the butterfly!!!

DMITREI fineds out about CELIA and EVIE before the escape is through - and does nothing to stop them

perhaps the audience thinks DMITREI helped ALEX, JAMES, etc escape????

esp since we’ve already demonstrated jamitrei is a thing

OPHELIA’s danger is that she almost gets burned possibly???????

after that incident, her relationships w ISABELLA is greatly improved

CASSIUS doesn’t face off w the DEGREYS (to avoid too much repetition)

SEASON 3

GENERAL

when you consume life forces, you consume souls, taking their minds into your own: a swirling cocaphony leading to madness

compare/contrast CHARLES/CASSIUS this season

first shot of CASSIUS, he steps out of the darklness into the light, smiling, as he looks at GUIN; last shot, he’s just killed CHARLES, he’s a mess in every sense, and he walks out of the light into the dark...

first shot of CHARLES, he opens his eyes waking up; last shot of CHARLES, he closes his eyes, dead

DEZOD trains RIC in his lair which is in like an alternate universe tbqh

AVINA and HELENA communicate through their dreams, connecting those two RESISTANCEs

THE EAST

the FONTAINES recruit E RESISTANCE 2.0

potential recruits: ED, WILL, GISELLA, CORDELIA, EVIE, ROMAYNE, LYSANDER

DMITREI is the one, not HELENA, to ultimately reveal where CHARLES and RORAN are to ROWENA

the E RESISTANCE 2.0 is so pumped when they learn ROWENA & CASSIUS are leaving - only to have a new evil queen take her place

E RESISTANCE 2.0 tries to steal eggs from ROWENA’s vault while she’s gone (possibly foiled accidentally by LYNESSA’s own plot)

E RESISTANCE 2.0 forms an underground railroad to help LYNESSA’s “enemies” escape

DMITREI “warns” ROWENA of LYNESSA’s treason to hedge his bets re: rowena’s trust in him

ROWENA credits all the E RESISTANCE 2.0′s harmful actions to LYNESSA and doesn’t know they exist

as the executioner raises his blade to execute LYNESSA, we cut to DMITREI - at the moment her head comes off, he smirks

THE SOUTH

NED decides to back ALEX’s claim until undead!ANA makes NED and ALEX question each other...

RORAN wants to table the political situation

CHARLES reminds the RIDERS to remain impartial - RORAN’s against that

DMITREI warns ROWENA of LYNESSA’s treason just as she’s on the verge of annihilating the south - dmitrei takes credit for saving the south w them

DMITREI presents himself as a friend to the S RESISTANCE

CELIA is suuuuuper angry w JAMES

JAMES, having been revealed as harrion, grapples w his new position

JAMES tries to persuade everyone to secede from aragoth and become a republic/democracy

VINCENT befriends RORAN and IVETTE on DMITREI’s orders

S RESISTANCE finds out there’s a mole - they suspect ALEX and JAMES, all PIRATES, CELIA (if she’s part of the resistance)

JAMES kills an assassin in CELIA’s room, tossing him out a window - CELIA wakes up to find JAMES alone in her room and is enraged - later the same thing happens in reverse and he thinks she’s flirting and using his “excuse” since she’s clearly established she doesn’t believe him

MARGERY unsuccessfully attempts to assassinate JAMES before she’s caught in the CELIA one

CELIA leader of the anti-JAMES movement

RORAN figures out who the mole is and CHARLES dismisses it out of hand bc of RORAN’s track record w “CORA”

AVINA works on honing her skills a as a prophet

when he realizes RORAN was right about VINCENT, CHARLES apologizes and says how proud, etc, he is of RORAN

narratively speaking, RORAN comes of age at that moment and from then on out, they’re pr much on equal footing!! <3

AVINA uses her power to find RIC, which is how he’s rescued?

as CASSIUS kills CHARLES, he flashes back to killing WILL, CHARLES taking the place of WILL, RORAN of CHARLES

CELION spends this whole season bickering until they start making out

it is revealed that VINCENT is a spy - which is how ROWENA found them

VINCENT and PETYR die

AVINA figures out that ROB killed ANA - end s3/beginning s/4???

THE WEST

HELENA mysteriously disappears when she arries at vysova - sneaking off to the W RESISTANCE

godwin/kate?

HELENA tries to use her visions to help the E RESISTANCE

tension between THIEVES and E/W RESISTANCE ++ ALARIC/GODWIN

HELENA hooks up w the E/W RESISTANCE in the west

ROSE dies protecting HELENA

---------

SEASON 4

MALCULMUS makes a run at being norther warden after ALIA and RENFRY’s deaths

CORDELIA is made warden of the north - which is where she gets her arrington army

[ushijimaenthusiast]

[ao3]

ahh so here is my @iwaoiexchange fic for @jenjen92x I hope u like it ; 7 ;

title: scared to be lonely pairing: iwaoi (obvs) word count: 4571 warnings: some mild language summary: With Tooru out of the picture, Hajime thinks he'll be perfectly fine.

Just like her son, Oikawa Tomiju is loud, even when she doesn't mean to be. So it's easy for her to talk over the squabbling in the background as she leaves the message for Hajime.

He shouldn't be smiling over the fact that Tooru has been kidnapped, but he is. He's feeling almost... giddy, with the idea of being without his boyfriend for an entire week. The last time they were separated was some time in middle school when Tooru was invited to a sleepover and Hajime wasn't, but he still somehow managed to call Hajime every hour, so does it really count?

Hajime replays the message for the third time as he slips off his shoes by the front door and heads to the kitchen to start dinner.

"Hajime dear, hello! It's Tomiju calling. I hope you've been doing well. I'm sure by now you've realized that Tooru isn't home, and unfortunately he won't be back all week. You see, Yasuo and I have decided that we need to spend a little more time together as a family. I know you drag Tooru down when you can and we appreciate that, but it's just been so long since we were all together, you know? The family camping trips we took when you kids were younger was always so much fun, and since we're not getting any younger we just wanted to spend some quality time together.

"Now, listen. Where Yasuo and I are going we won't have any cell phone reception, so I'm making sure to call you now before we get there. Tooru's phone is dead so he won't be able to bother you while we're gone, either. If you need anything though, you can call my mother. She'll know how to reach us. And if she tries to get ahold of you, you better answer, alright? Now, I love my son but he has been whining in my ear for over an hour to talk to you so here he is."

Her tone drops in annoyance before it becomes distant, and soon sniffling is filling his ears. Hajime snickers as he listens to Tooru's crocodile tears. Whether it's the loud voices of his siblings or Tooru's over-dramatics, all Hajime is able to understand is "I'm surrounded by monsters" before there's a shout. Kotone screams into the phone about sending help, to call her fiancé and let him know she's been kidnapped too, but then Tomiju is yelling again and the line goes dead.

There were a couple texts following the voice mail, with another reminder to call Tomiju's mother if anything happens, and that they'll be back next Friday some time late in the afternoon. A garbled line of words he's sure belong to Tooru fill the last message.

Hajime's smile widens.

The apartment is silent, and will be for an entire week. Is this real? Is Hajime dreaming?

After pulling leftovers from the fridge, he double checks the apartment, making sure his idiot boyfriend isn't hiding in the closet or bathroom. But nope, it's completely empty. Surprisingly enough, most of his belongings are still here. There's no clothes missing (besides what he wore that day, plus his practice uniform and gym bag), there's no missing toothbrush or hair care products, nothing taken from his sweets stash. It's like he really was kidnapped.

His shoulders relax as he soaks up the silence of their space. He can actually listen to the oldies radio station Tooru mocks him for, he can walk around in his boxers without being attacked, he can even sleep without socks on and not worry about waking up without any blankets.

If he's being honest with himself, Hajime does already miss Tooru. But he's not going to waste this week. He's going to do all the things he normally can't do because he's being such an amazingly selfless, accommodating boyfriend that always gives in to his partner's needs that he never takes care of himself.

Making up his mind, he strips his shirt and toes off his socks with a grin. He's going to fucking pamper himself this week.

-x-x-x-

He wakes up sweating, not used to being under so many covers, and yet somehow, his feet are freezing. He wants to reach over and smack Tooru for burying him under the blankets, and is surprised when he doesn't hear any obnoxious snoring beside him. His eyes fly open in search of his boyfriend, wondering where he could be. He's not a morning person, despite what people think, and even though Hajime himself doesn't like waking up most mornings, Tooru is the type that almost refuses to get out of bed.

So with the spot next to him empty, and no sound filtering in from the connected bathroom or kitchen, Hajime starts to worry. It's not like Tooru to disappear without letting Hajime know where he's going, even if it's just a quick trip to the bathroom. He's always loud, even half asleep, and Hajime can't imagine that for once in his life Tooru would be able to sneak away from him.

It's only when he's reached the living room and notices that Tooru's ugly alien slippers are sitting by the sofa that he remembers.

If Tooru goes anywhere for more than a day, he brings those slippers with him. Hajime figures he must be dying without them.

He sighs, shaking his head, more annoyed at his own forgetfulness then anything else.

He pushes Tooru to the back of his mind and starts his routine, finding it going by quicker without someone else hogging the bathroom or closet. He's able to cook shirtless without hearing whining about how unfair it is of Hajime to do so. He's even able to leave and get to work early, which has his coworker giving him a suspicious look.

"You're usually here right on the dot. What happened?"

Hajime just grins and shrugs, ignoring the way Suga's frown deepens.

"Guess it's just been an easy morning."

It sticks true all day. Without his phone constantly pinging in his pocket, it's easy for Hajime to not think about Tooru. He doesn't have to worry about how his classes are going, how practice is going, if he's overworking himself or not. All he has to focus on are his customers and avoiding Suga.

It's not that he doesn't want his only coworker/friend to know that his boyfriend is gone for the week; the two are actually really good friends, and he's glad Tooru has found some else he's completely comfortable with. But Suga also knows they've never been apart this long before, and he doesn't want his friend to worry. Or chide. Or say anything, really. Hajime knows he can take care of himself, and he's sure Suga won't miss the barrage of texts Tooru sends him.

Knowing there's no one back home waiting for him, Hajime pulls a double shift for the first time in ages. It wasn't planned, and he's exhausted by the end of it, but he can always use the extra cash. Maybe he'll even take another double shift tomorrow. Who knows, by the end of the week he could be rich.

On the train ride home, probably due to exhaustion, he's in the middle of typing a text to one of Tooru's teammates to ask how he's doing at practice, before he remembers.

He shuts his phone angrily and bangs his head against the train's window. He was doing so good today too. It probably is just the exhaustion. He's not used to working such a long shift; he'll go home, get some food in him, and go to bed early. And he can actually do that because there won't be any distractions.

Tooru being with his whole family is probably a good thing. They drive each other crazy and end up doing dumb shit (the last time Hajime can remember they were all together was during a holiday break a couple years ago, and the twins had talked Tooru and Masaru into a wrestling match on the roof that ended with a hole leading into their parent's room and three new patients at the local urgent care) but he also knows they all love each other. Mostly. Tomiju and Yasuo have nothing but love in them for their children, despite her yells and his exasperated sighs. They'd do anything for their kids. Masaru is a little uptight and reserved, being the eldest son and a lawyer, and Hajime doesn't think he's ever really heard the other male laugh, but he does have his own kids and a wife so he can't be completely heartless. Kioshi and Kotone are the type of twins that are complete opposites, so when they agree on something, it sends others into hiding. Last he heard, Kotone was getting married to some artist type and Kioshi had knocked up his girlfriend/coworker from the school he works at.

Suddenly, Hajime wonders if maybe the camping trip wasn't such a good idea.

He knows Tooru can hold his own. Being the baby of the family with older siblings, he'd always had to push himself harder to be heard and loved, and it's what's shaped him into the determined, stubborn asshole he is today. But Hajime also knows that, despite their ages and the time they've spent apart, Tooru has always had a soft spot for his siblings and the attention they give him, so Hajime worries that they might talk him into doing something stupid that could hurt his knee.

He starts to chew at his bottom lip when he gets to his apartment. It's cold and dark when he pushes the door open, and he has to let his eyes adjust for a moment before he can move. He doesn't remember the last time he came home and Tooru wasn't waiting for him. After an incident that almost ruined his volleyball career, Tooru strived to take better care of himself, and part of that included no late volleyball practices. At least not daily.

So Hajime would come home to a dimly lit apartment and sounds and a warm hug from a clingy boyfriend that he would try to untangle himself from immediately. The TV would be on, or the radio, maybe some candles would be lit to freshen the place up. Tooru would have tidied the living room or cleaned out the overflowing sink. On more than one occasion Hajime has come back to a living room that has been completely rearranged.

Scowling, Hajime turns on all the lights in the apartment, even the one in their bedroom closet. He showers and changes then opens the fridge door to figure out what to eat for dinner. He's not really in the mood to cook (tonight was actually supposed to be Tooru's turn to cook) but he knows he needs to eat something. He might have skipped lunch to focus on work, and might have avoided an early dinner to finish his shift and catch one of the last trains heading his way. He'd order takeout, but he doesn't feel like talking to anyone right now, even for a short amount of time.

Finally, he settles on a can of soup. The TV gets flipped on and he finds a B-rated horror movie that he's caught before. With Tooru gone, he can actually watch all the scary movies he wants, and none of them have to have aliens in them or take place in space.

Resigning himself to that thought, Hajime forces himself to relax on the couch with a blanket draped over his legs and a bowl of soup warming his hands. He finds a movie about a family moving into an abandoned orphanage and settles in for a long night. He tries not to think about the empty space beside him.

-x-x-x-

He wakes up sweating again, his mind still replaying images from his dream/nightmare about Michael Myers dancing with a giant, mutated octopus on a frozen lake. The blankets are all piled near his neck and his feet are freezing again; he wants to reach over and hit Tooru for covering him again--before he remembers. He throws all the blankets to the floor and swings out of bed with an annoyed growl rattling through him.

No more horror movies before bed. Alone, at least. Usually he never has dreams like that. It wasn't even that scary either, but weird as fuck and he can't tell anyone about it to help get rid of the feelings.

He's late waking up, and has to rush through a shower and a quick breakfast before leaving for his train, only to realize he's actually on time. He doesn't dwell on the fact that if Tooru were here, he might still be at home, wrestling for bathroom or closet time.

He gets to the restaurant right on time and swiftly takes up his place as a waiter.

It's easier to forget about Tooru being gone while he's working. Hungry people are demanding, and Hajime has to use all his focus on keeping his customers happy and pleased. His tips depend on his smile and easy-going attitude. His amazing accommodating skills are put to use as he swiftly and surely gets his customers whatever it is they need.

A coworker for the next shift calls in sick, and Hajime uses it as an excuse to take up another double shift. He knows it's a useless thought, but he doesn't want to walk into an empty apartment again. If he lets himself dwell on it it'll just make him miserable and he can't afford to be miserable at work. Unlike his boyfriend, he's not that great at putting on masks.

He doesn't bother with turning any lights on when he gets home, or even bother with making dinner. He clumsily makes his way to the bedroom, shedding his clothes before crawling into bed, curling up on Tooru's side of the mattress. He buries his face into Tooru's pillows, letting the smell wash over him. He manages to fool himself into thinking that Tooru is still here while he drifts asleep.

-x-x-x-

He's barely through the backdoor before Suga is literally shoving him back into the chilly morning.

"What the fuck?" Hajime tries to shout, but his voice cracks and he ends up coughing. Suga is shaking his head as he continues to push Hajime, surprisingly strong for his small frame. Hajime shouldn't really be surprised though: Suga is the one they call to deal with unruly, violent customers.

"You're not working today. Or the next two days."

Confusion swirls around Hajime's mind, then anger fills his chest followed by panic. He pictures his empty apartment and the unbearable silence that's starting to become stifling; he spins to face Suga.

"You're not my boss, I can work as much as I want. You can't take that from me."

"You can't work when you're falling apart, Iwaizumi."

"I'm fine."

Suga shakes his head, a disappointed look on his face. Hajime's hands ball into fists. "You received a handful of complaints yesterday, and usually that's nothing to worry about, but you never get complaints. What's going on, Iwaizumi?"

"I told you I'm fine."

For some reason, Hajime can't look Suga in the eyes. He's not one to lie in general, but withholding truths from Suga has always been something Hajime--and even Tooru--have never been able to do. He's been good about not mentioning Tooru this week, hasn't let on that he's been alone for the past couple of days and slowly losing his mind. Honestly, he's pretty annoyed at himself. He gets one week without his boyfriend and he's--just like Suga pointed out--falling apart. Fucking gross.

He can feel Suga's eyes burning a hole into his face, but after an excruciatingly long moment, he finally sighs.

"Just go home, Iwaizumi. Rest up. You can come back Saturday."

A muscle in Hajime's jaw twitches as he clenches his teeth. He knows he can't fight Suga on this. He's best friends with the manager, a supervisor himself, and is in charge of scheduling. If Suga says he has a three day weekend, then, well.

Except, he doesn't go home. He catches a train and rides further into the city, gets off at a random stop and just starts walking. He keeps himself immersed in large crowds, feeling the press and pull of the people around him. His coughing gets worse as the day wears on, and he starts to feel lightheaded sometime in the afternoon. He takes a break at a café to rest his feet and eat a little food, but he's not really hungry and the pastry doesn't sit right in his stomach. He walks some more.

He doesn't get home till late in the evening, his legs wobbly, feet aching, and a kink in his back he just can't seem to get rid of. He starts a bath, turning the water on as hot as it will go.

He's never liked bathing in hot water, doesn't like the burn. Tooru is the one that likes it, says it helps him relax more. Hajime can understand the importance and the effects the warm water has on overworked muscles, but lukewarm or cold showers are what keep Hajime functioning. Helps him stay awake, stay alert and feeling fresh.

Tonight he doesn't want that though. He brings the portable radio into the bathroom and turns it on, the bathroom mirror already starting to fog.

His breath hitches as he realizes it's still tuned to Tooru's garbage pop station. It's even playing one of his favorite songs.

His fingers itch to flick it off, but instead, he turns the music up louder. It's the closest he's gotten to being near Tooru all week.

How pathetic is he? He's without his boyfriend for five days and he's a mess. A fucking mess that can't sleep, can't eat, apparently can't even work properly. This week was supposed to be about him and his needs. He was going to pamper himself, do all the things he normally can't do. But he can't, because none of it feels right. Hajime never thought he'd hate coming home, never thought he'd hate being alone, but he can't stand it. He misses his boyfriend, misses his blanket-hogging, clingy ass and the way he makes their space feel lived in and welcoming. Misses Tooru's mediocre singing and decent cooking. Misses the way the two would tangle themselves on the couch when they watched shitty movies together. The way Tooru would wrap his arms around Hajime's waist from behind in a goodbye hug before they left the apartment for the day.

Hajime dunks his head beneath the scalding water before he can go any further down that path. When he emerges, he reaches up for the radio and turns the music up a bit louder, then flips to his favorite station.

He doesn't know how much longer he can do this.

-x-x-x-

Being the youngest, he doesn't get a chance to charge his phone until he's being dropped off at the train station, which gives him just enough time to get it turned on. He forces his siblings to shut their mouth and wait while his phone gets a sufficient charge, and turns to his mother in the mean time.

She wraps her arms around his shoulders, her hug almost breaking his back. He loves his mother, very much so, but could do without her literally crushing him every time they hug.

"Come visit us soon, Tooru, okay?"

"I will if it's just you and Papa."

She whacks his back for the comment before resuming her crushing grip. He tightens his hold around her.

"I have a wife and kids I would like to see too, you know."

"We all have someone we'd like to see."

"I'm sure your guy is long gone since you weren't around to keep him chained up."

"At least he didn't knock me up on a one-night stand!"

There's an indignant gasp and quiet snickering. Both Tooru and Tomiju sigh before pulling away from each other. He doesn't even bother looking at his siblings as he steps up to his father and snakes his arms around his waist. Besides Hajime, his father gives the best hugs.

Yasuo's voice is soft and whispers past Tooru's ear, fluttering the hair behind his ear. "Tell Hajime we miss him. Maybe we should have brought him along too."

"If you hadn't kidnapped me he would have been here."

His father chuckles. "True. It was still nice having you to ourselves though. I don't think I've ever seen you two separated."

Tooru finally pulls away, forces his expression to remain neutral as he says, "That's because he can't keep his hands off me. I needed a break."

Masaru gives a loud snort. "Yeah, okay,"

"I thought we said no more lies, Tooru!" Kotone calls, her voice grating. Tooru can practically hear Kioshi rolling his eyes. Even his mother shakes her head in amusement.

Tooru doesn't bother hiding it anymore; his shoulders deflate and his expression falls. The week with his family has been nice, but he really misses his boyfriend.

Something hits him from behind and he shouts, turning around to see that Masaru threw Tooru's duffle bag at him. He holds Tooru's phone out the window. "You're going to miss your train."

Tomiju pats his shoulder, Yasuo gives him a quick peck to the top of his head, and then they're both climbing into the van. Tooru stares at each of his family members, his chest swelling with love and nostalgia. Who knows when they're all going to be together like this again? The week started off bumpy, with a lot of yelling and shoving and faces thrown into the dirt, but he's glad it happened. He actually feels a little closer to everyone.

"We love you, Tooru. We'll see you soon." Tomiju gives him one of her softest smiles, the kind she reserves just for him. His eyes burn and he has to blink away the tears as he turns and heads into the station.

He manages to board just in time, and it's as he sits down that he remembers his phone. It's barely charged at 11% and won't be enough to get him home, but it's just enough to check his messages.

Shock laces his system as he sees how many of the missed calls and text messages are actually from Hajime. He feels almost giddy at the idea of checking them all, but instead focuses on the less important ones. Better to get them done and out of the way so he can focus all his attention on his boyfriend.

He's just replying to the last message though when his phone dies.

His gasp is loud enough it has the man in front of him turning to glance over his shoulder. Tooru ignores him as he tries to turn his phone back on, but of course it doesn't work.

Now he really does want to cry. He wants nothing more than to bury his face in Hajime's chest and have his boyfriend's muscular arms wrap around him. He had fun with his family sure, especially when their actual camping plans failed and they ended up at a hot springs resort, but every night his mind would return to the man waiting at home for him and how he'd be coping, and his stomach would twist and turn with guilt and nerves until he fell asleep.

Thankfully, the train ride barely takes an hour. Like the calm adult he is he walks off the train and through the station, and as much as it pains him, he forces himself to walk all the way home. His legs shake with the energy to run to Hajime and his open arms, to run home.

He does make it in record time though, and takes the stairs instead of the elevator up to the third floor, panting more from excitement then breathlessness. His hands shake as he slides in his key. He thought about how he'd enter the apartment, whether it would be better to sneak in or just slam open the door. He tries for a mix between the two and enters normally, not trying to hide his presence but ultimately on the lookout for the apartment's other occupant.

Due to their failed plans, they ended up coming home sooner, so it's no surprise that the apartment is dark this time in the afternoon. Tooru's actually not even sure if Hajime would be home yet. He works Fridays so really, Tooru could still have to wait until he sees his boyfriend.

His shoulders slump at that thought, not wanting to wait any more. He's just about ready to run to the restaurant before he catches sight of Hajime's work shoes sloppily kicked off on their way to the kitchen. He picks them up and puts them neatly by the front door before heading back into the kitchen, flipping lights on as he goes, finding more shed clothes spread around the living room and kitchen. There's barely any dishes in the sink, and the trash is barely half full but it reeks so it's clear Hajime never took it out.

Not wanting the apartment to stink any longer, he starts to tie up the garbage bag when he hears a loud sneeze from the bedroom, followed by a rasping cough.

All thoughts of tidying up the place vanish as Tooru swiftly makes his way to their bedroom, not knowing what to expect.

Leaning against the headboard with his arms crossed, piled under blankets and tucked away in one of Tooru's ratty hoodies, is a bleary-eyed Hajime whose face scrunches up in annoyance as the hallway light hits his face.

Tooru starts to chuckle at the sight of his boyfriend cocooned, until he sees the flush to his cheeks and the sweat beading his forehead.

"Hajime?" he whispers. For once in his life Oikawa Tooru is quiet as he tiptoes closer to the bed and sinks onto it next to Hajime, his eyes raking over his boyfriend's face. It's obvious Hajime isn't just sweating, but under some kind of fever. The guilt he pushed away all week surges forward, and Tooru reaches out to pull the hood away from Hajime's face.

His eyes blink rapidly as he turns to stare at Tooru, and then they blow wide when they recognize him. Tooru smiles softly, a mirror image of the smile his mother gave him earlier.

"Hey, sleepyhead."

"Tooru?"

Hajime's voice is raspy, and Tooru immediately wants to run and get him a glass of water.

Instead, he snakes one arm around Hajime's shoulders and pulls them close together, settling his boyfriend against his chest. He uses his free hand to wipe a layer of sweat from Hajime's burning skin, then leans down to press a quick kiss to his forehead. He wants nothing more than to pepper Hajime's face in kisses, but that's not what he needs right now. He wraps his other arm around Hajime and pulls them down so Hajime is practically lying on top of him. He never wants to let this man go again.

Hajime wiggles a hand between them and grips Tooru's forearm, his grip shaky but strong, and that's how Tooru knows Hajime feels the same.

"Miss me?"  

[secondsofhappiness]

Megan, amazing message that rant just about covered it, thanks! I love this 👒 & that's all she really deserves! I despise her! But this morning is the first time in a long time (since before the incident!) I feel a bit better about things.. robron are very much in love that is crystal clear to me,Rob seems guilty & appalled at what he's done & all this just seems like an obstacle they will overcome in time.. I think if I can see the direction of something it makes me feel a bit better for now🙏

Hannah!

I do agree and it is becoming very easy to separate The Storyline That Shall Not Be Named from the rest. We shall have to see what next week brings.

Ryan and Danny are what saves this mess. Easily. Hands down. If this “storyline” (haha) was given to another couple (which it has to be honest… so.many.times) then it would be much less impactful and would make the couple insignificant. As actors, they have the skills to drag any hideous storyline to a level that is palatable and that’s bloody skill! So much so that you can easily forget the other rubbish and focus on their parts that, in large part, don’t even relate to the pregnancy shiz (which is why it seems like insanity to me to even include it - it’s not necessary at all). I was never that bothered about Rob making a pass at 👒 or even kissing her while drunk and a mess and screwed up (if the scene preceding it in the prison made sense which sadly it didn’t at all) so that stuff I could always work past because it didn’t feel all that out of character to me nor did the way he acted and spoke on the night because that’s Rob, 90% is nonsense when he’s broken or angry. We know this. So pregnancy is the only element I just can’t deal with… I don’t even like kids and as soon as kids get added to a couple, I tend to get bored. I mean, that’s personal to me though as I know some people love baby stories (but obv not in these circumstances). It’s just so lazy and boring and predictable… how many gay male relationships go this route?! So. Many and I have only followed a couple. Straight couples rarely get lumbered with a baby due to a night of cheating in the grand scheme of things. But I’m still weirdly convinced she isn’t pregnant hahaha. Anyway, enough of that!

I really enjoyed the Rob/Aaron scenes yesterday after I eventually watched it all last night when I got home. I thought the acting was flawless from both of them. Aaron has grown so wonderfully from being closed off and keeping things inside to being open and honest with Rob and explaining his feelings. That’s enormous and very important because often with mental health, the person just can’t and they only open up to strangers. Aaron’s now not afraid to say what he’s feeling even if he thinks Rob might not want to hear it and that’s massive. Also, it seems they might be getting Aaron help which is what we all wanted and what he deserves. It’s a shame they have even included a further impending misery for him because it’s not necessary and it’s cruel. Still, seeing him seeking actual comfort both emotional and physical is special - so much touching… that’s mad to me as Aaron isn’t normally so affectionate but he actively weeks it from Rob now and it’s pretty exclusively from Rob which shows how strongly he loves him and how important Rob is in his life. That’s huge for Aaron as a character as even hugs instigated from another person used to be an issue!!)

Rob is clearly teetering at times between fear, desperation, sadness, regret and also the odd moment of forgetting (in bed, seeing his phone and smiling and then remembering…) and Ryan is doing a stellar job. The moment when he doesn’t want Aaron to into their bedroom. That was really significant to me. Aaron would see anything and there’d be nothing amiss with Aaron going in there but ROBERT can’t have him in there and that’s a pretty enormous sign that this is a different circumstance for Rob. Before, he literally slept with Chrissie after Aaron, he slept with Aaron in Chrissie’s bed etc, there was no guilt there at all really. Maybe low level but nothing enough to stop him doing it again or make him riddled with guilt to the point where he can’t go back in the same room etc. The SL is nonsense and the full on cheating should never have happened on the circumstances it did but now it has, it is very clear that this is a VERY different situation from 2015. Rob is lying - but yeah, Aaron is still assaulting people. They’re both turning to vices they have to protect themselves or deal with their emotions or at a more basic level, because they just don’t know anything else. Their vices are their most interesting facets because it has always been a story about two very very broken people who can’t express or receive love easily but who found something they want and some comfort in someone else and are clinging onto that and fumbling through it. That was ALWAYS what made them special. It’s the same reason that other couples like Captain Swan (my other sweethearts) etc are so popular and beloved because it’s broken people finding peace and love and comfort and family. It’s a shame the show took their eyes off the ball and turned that journey temporarily into something crass and cheap for the sake of DRAMA rather than actual respect to the characters we know and love. But hey ho!

So I can definitely watch their scenes happily and really enjoy them because the acting is flawless, the connection is still 100% there and because of those two things… our Rob, the one we know and have seen develop is back again and I think just having Aaron back in the village is important for me. Not having him around feels so weird. Before, I didn’t place so much weight on Aaron in the village to the extent that when he left back in the day, I was so sad but I didn’t really feel his absence because the show had so many strong characters and storylines running and I’d become really disillusioned with the whole Jackson storyline… but now, he’s kind of integral for me. Chas is the same for me. She’s key to my love for the show. Her absence is really obvious to me and I already miss her a lot! I want her back asap! That’s so different to how I used to feel. In the past it was always Laurel, Paddy and Carl. Hahaha. They were my three characters who I just couldn’t cope with losing and then my ultimate nightmare, Carl, left and I was ANGRY with the show because of what happened before he left but I had Laurel and Marlon (happy sigh) etc and all the Declan and Charity madness which I bloody loved (where is Declan, come back!!!!!!!!!) but things have changed recently and I’d be genuinely crushed if Aaron went because his absence is so noticeable for me and lessens my heart’s hold on the show… I’m sure everyone has those characters in serial drama but nowadays mine are Aaron and Chas and losing Chas and still not having Aaron back made it weird to find my heart in the show - does this make sense?! Just an odd thing I realised :)

Rob, Liv and Charity are close seconds. Having Charity back is the best.

Wowza, I rambled on the train again!! This is good. I’m getting back to my old ways ;) but in short hahaha I know what you mean about feeling ok about things. I will bored as all hell if there’s a baby but I’m pretty happy to declare the Storyline That Shall Not Be Named a fever dream and erase it from my conscience when it’s done if there is no baby and 👒 scuttles off to wherever she came from or gets trapped in the HF Fire of Dreams 🔥. If there’s a baby then Christ alive, it will be unbearable being expected to feel anything other than mild annoyance for 👒 and to be required to have her, a MF White, forever entangled in Rob’s story. Not to mention it’d involve Lawrence sticking in his beak and Chrissie gloating and scheming and the whole sorry lot of them being gross and utterly boring. I can write it now - the 100000000th “get out of my house” scene from Lawrence. Bring back bloody Declan and he can burn the place down again because Dog is taking too damn long!

Ok so I’m shutting up now. I’ve clearly been storing this all up ;) I love hearing your thoughts, missus. I’m so pleased to be able to chat to you and to enjoy things again. Slowly but surely 😘 have the loveliest Friday!

[seven-oomen]

The hug and the headcanons were much appreciated.  :D  (You say it started getting long like that’s a bad thing.  But then I am apparently the embodiment of that comment like you’re the drunk girl in the bathroom at the club post, so perhaps I am not the best judge.)  And I don’t know if you were trying to kill me with that new preview, or make me want to kill Chris, but either way, mission accomplished.  I swear, that boy.  He’s gonna give me gray hairs before this is over.  XD  *basks in the warm, fluffy goodness anyway*

Omg, Craft Dad Peter may be one of the best things I’ve ever heard of.  Chris and Noah never have to buy another scarf or pair of gloves, Peter makes them for them (and often for the rest of the pack, too, but his mates get the best) as a way of subtly staking claim.  Bonus points if he finds a way to spin his fur into the yarn (or finds someone to do it for him.)  And it’s all kinds of crafts, too, from a huge painting he does with Allison of the view of the Preserve from Makeout Lookout Point that goes above the mantle at the new house, to macaroni art and finger painting with his youngest kids.  

Also, I feel like one year, maybe after most have gone off to college and sneaking is a bit easier, Malia badgers her siblings and other dads into finding whatever old baby/toddler clothes they might still have and helping her make them into a patchwork quilt for Peter since he had to miss so much (if not all) of that time with them.  Chris and Noah also throw in a couple of their shirts from high school; faded flannel and ratty band gear intermixing with brightly colored superhero logos an well worn sports jerseys, corduroy, and denim and a little bit of lace, in all colors of the rainbow from jewel tones to pastels.  She even leaves some room to add stuff from the later kids, because she knows they’re going to want more.  

Needless to say, there are a lot of tears (like, a LOT), and it instantly becomes his favorite for curling up in front of the TV, or out on the porch to watch the sunset, or just wherever, in whatever form.  It goes over so well they end up making another one with stuff donated from everyone in the pack so that it ends up huge and always comes out for movie nights and puppy piles.  (Wow, that idea kinda got away from me, but I ain’t even mad.)

Loving the descent into nsfw and related ideas.  Always here for those three teasing the ever-loving shit out of each other, because that’s just the way they are.  I feel like Chris and Noah are much more successful at pulling stunts in public, because they’re much better at faking innocence and making it seem accidental.  Lbr, Peter is terrible at looking innocent, even when he is.  

They both get so low-key annoyed that Peter’s werewolf healing means they can’t really leave much in the way of lasting marks, whereas Chris ends up with bruises and stubble burn in the most inconvenient and awkward places, and Noah seems forever doomed to look like he got attacked by an extremely aggressive push broom from the neck down.  

Oh god, Peter and Chris would totally rig anything that needed repair around the house so that it would only finally break when Noah was off so they could see him up a ladder changing light bulbs in a snug, worn t-shirt, or reaching underneath a sink or cabinet.  They just lean back and enjoy the show with a nice chilled drink.  He gets them back by conveniently being on shift whenever one of the kids moves back for a while and needs furniture moved.  

All the Omegas in the pack get extensive training in proper self defense, which leads to Peter getting banned from the premises because his expressions and scent while watching Noah and Chris spar to demonstrate creeps everyone else right tf out.  

I feel like Chris probably does a lot of the cooking, between having lived on his own the most and debatably being home the most.  So sometimes when they have the house to themselves Peter and Noah try to get Chris to cook wearing only an apron (frilly or not is up to you).  (Actually, depending on what share of the chores he takes on my brain just screamed out of nowhere FRENCH MAID’S OUTFIT and now I can’t stop laughing, oh god, I just keep picturing these terrible porny roleplays where the police officer is just checking in because there have been reports of break-ins and he “just wants to make sure all entrances and exits are properly secured” and of course the maid just wants to be helpful and fetches the master of the house[is he wearing a smoking jacket and silk pajamas? 

 I think the answer is obviously yes] to assist their “routine search"  [oh god, please help, I’m wheezing.])  I’m pretty sure somebody gets fucked on the washing machine (and by somebody I obviously mean both of them.  They go through a LOT of cleaner in that house, lbh.)  

And poor Stiles just will NOT let the Incident, as he calls it, go.  Whenever he’s irritated with one of them he’ll send them some variation of the "right in front of my salad” meme to be an asshole.  

They very definitely make sure that all the bedrooms have nicely soundproofed walls, because there are things none of the kids want to hear (except maybe Erica or Lydia).  Totally here for pet names/sweet nothings/dirty talk/whatev in a variety of languages, especially French and Polish, obvs.  (cue Gomez mode - “Why Chris, that’s French…”)  

And I do love that drag queen headcanon so much, especially for this ‘verse.  The Stiles and Jax better be careful or their dads might just be forced to prove how much they can still rock that look if they want to (I may or may not have had a running list/idea in my head of which outfit from a Lady Gaga video each parent would wear if they were all dressing to theme for some reason [I don’t really remember why.  You might have noticed my mind goes off on weird, unexplained tangents when left unattended.])

Love all the family bonding stuff.  I feel like Peter would totally organize back-to-school shopping trips for all the pack kids so that they can all head back with all their necessary supplies and rockin’ new wardrobes.  Chris teaches them camping and outdoor survival.  Noah somehow ends up organizing sing-a-longs when they have bonfires while Chris is in charge of s'mores ingredients (neither tries to make Peter or Derek join in if they aren’t feeling it, and take turns to go and check in with cuddles and support throughout the evening.)  

I always liked to headcanon that Noah was a drummer, mainly I think because Dylan is, so people usually made Stiles one, so I figured he might have learned from his dad.  This was also because I loved the idea of Stiles having everybody over for a Rock Band party and having his dad sub in for him on the drums so he could grab some food, and everyone being utterly astounded at how well he could play (since the drums seem the closest controller to the actual instrument.)  

But the idea of him and Malia playing duets together is super adorable, particularly the idea of them playing Polish lullabies for the twins (or Ben, or other Argent-Hale child), or Chris singing French ones for the little ones (or the dads could team up Three Men and a Baby style, I’m here for all of it, really.) 

 And all the wolfy goodness!  Wolf Peter just straight up flopping across one or both of his mates while they try to read or watch TV because he needs attention right now and wants to cuddle.  Chris scratching all the right places.  Noah using a variant of the healing magic to loosen all of Peter’s tensed muscles as he pets along his back and sides.  Good stuff.  (Occasionally Ben or one of the younger wolves, if there are any, will shift and climb up next to them to nuzzle at his face or gnaw on his tail.  Usually by then he’s so relaxed he doesn’t even mind.)  Using him as a bonus cushion when curling up together.  World’s Biggest Teddy Bear.  

And Jackson would totally take advantage of his cuteness.  He got Peter’s ruthlessness and Chris’s puppy-eyes skills.  The younger kids keep finding ways to work him into their Halloween costumes because he can somehow convince people to give them more candy even though “dogs can’t have chocolate…"  He doesn’t mind helping his baby siblings, and enjoys the chance to prove just how good he is.  

Malia is totally the one who’d just nope out of the conversation, but I think she’d also be the one to (most) help Ben develop his shifted skills and really feel comfortable in both forms.  

Poor Derek, he’s just like "I am not a goddamn herding dog, corral your kids!”, but he’s not fooling anybody and loves the way the twins just stare at him mesmerized and gently petting at his soft fluffy fur.  He absolutely lets them climb on him and ride around until they get too big to do it (then they just hang off his arms or piggy back whenever he visits.)

And that last flash-forward headcanon is so cute.  I feel like the spot should be on a porch swing, but given how much time I spent on my grandparents’, I’m probably a bit biased .  There’s a wind chime made of broken guitar strings and spare car parts (with a base carved by Stiles) that hangs nearby, ringing gently in the breeze as they sway.  They curl up under one of Peter and Malia’s quilts, legs tangled together, backs pressed up against pillows set up against the arms for support.  Peter sits on the steps, leaning on the banister, or maybe gently sprawled in a nearby matching chair, enjoying the view of his family and the quiet peacefulness of the moment. *insert reaction shot of Ghost Rider going “yessss- YESSSSS-” here*

Anyway, I’m glad your day was stupidity free, and I hope your cat is feeling calmer and well comforted.  And hopefully the weather cleared up there like it did here, though also hopefully without leaving as much humidity behind as we got.  Ah well, pretty much standard for summer around here, so.

Oh man I definitely got carried away a bit and no, there’s nothing wrong with that but I also idk, I’m not used to talking about something I love I guess. Especially not so freely with someone who’s really genuinely interested in hearing it.

Also idk what it is, probably fatigue and dyslexia in my add brain, but I have enormous trouble concentrating right now. So, I decided I would answer this submission before bed instead of writing. Well technically I’m writing now too, there’s that. Anyway...

Where was I? I feel like I just had an entire conversation in my brain and it’s already gone.

Okay, okay, Imma try to do this.

Chris is just, he’s a very scarred boy who’s very insecure. Noah will help him though and I hope it feels in character but fluff is coming.

And I really don’t have the focus to answer all of these headcanons but I love them, they made smile and giggle and they got me through hell today and I just. I really wish I had the brain capacity today to answer all of them.. Because yes to everything!

Do you know how hard it is to ask someone about their wifi connections when you’re reading about French Maid outfits and bad cop outfits and body cavity searches??? Do YOU??? 

It’s very hard and I had to try so hard not to laugh while guiding one lady through her ‘my remote is not working’ emergency.

And the quilt thing killed me, YEEEESSS. Omg I love your headcanons so much.

I also can’t stop picturing Peter as Gomez and Chris & Noah as Morticia. Also, Jackson is Wednesday and Stiles is Pugsley. I don’t make the rules.

Ughhh omg Idea for a pack run where they all go camping in the woods and Peter initiates a pack run, the first for Ben and Jackson. And they’re all wolfing out and Peter, with his red eyes, just howls up and everyone just howls with him. But Ben can’t keep up and just start hiccuping (This is what I  imagine Ben would look like anyway and it’s the cutest thing) and cuddles up to Chris because it’s all a bit much. 

So Peter comes over and gently nuzzles the cub until Ben’s wagging his tail again and being all playful. And that initiates a pack play session where Ben ‘takes down’ Peter and the other wolves just nip and bark around them playfully while Chris, Noah, Allison, and Stiles watch them with their cameras out and smiles on their faces.

The pack then takes off for a run and return ten minutes later all tuckered out, Ben’s held up by the scruff of his neck by Peter. Jackson is practically asleep on his paws and Malia is yawning by the time they get back. So they curl up with their respective twins and mates. Malia is curled around Stiles and Allison protectively curls around Jackson’s huge wolf form. Ben’s curled up in Chris’s lap, Chris and Noah are huddled together and Peter’s just curled around the three of them. Derek curls up with both sets of twins to keep them safe.

Full moons are extremely lively for this family.

And Derek is such a sucker for the pups in the pack. He keeps complaining and bitching, but honestly, he loves kids, he loves babies and he’s such a sucker for them. Ben, the twins, and the new baby just can do no wrong for him. He’ll keep corralling them and cuddling them when he gets the chance.

God, I love these threads so much, but I think I already said that. lol

Anyway, that’s what my brain has right now, but honestly, I love all of these. Every single one is precious.

[charlesjening]

State of the Profession 2019: We Need to Talk About Accounting’s Big PR Problem

Not sure if anyone’s noticed but the profession is in trouble. You know it’s bad when the most cynical of cynics feels compelled to say yeah, this is kinda actually bad.

Sure, I’ve talked plenty of shit over the years but I’ve also been one of the profession’s biggest cheerleaders, lifting up future CPAs when they’re about to give up on their dreams, supporting ambitious accountants at conferences and lobbying days, even sharing press releases that in the back of my mind I thought were completely stupid but knew deep down had the best of intentions. But now? Now we’re in a really dark time.

I wish I was more into sports, then I could say something relatable like “if the accounting profession were a team, it would be the 1981 [shitty team here]” and Bramwell would commend me for my extensive knowledge of shitty sports teams. Are the Clippers still a joke? The Cleveland Browns? Yeah, I’m terrible at this. Anyway.

Accountants behaving badly

Anyone noticed Bramwell has been writing an “Accountants Behaving Badly” column on the regular for weeks now? WEEKS. Used to be maybe we could scrape one of those together once a month or so, but now every single Monday conference call we have with The Powers That Be, when it comes time for our publisher to ask what Jason is working on for the week, he confidently exclaims “working on Accountants Behaving Badly, should have that done this afternoon!” Well damn.

I pulled up headlines from the last few he’s done, and holy shit. These aren’t just your run-of-the-mill middle-aged accountants embezzling from clients, we’re talking theft, fraud, kiddie porn, even murder. MURDER.

Yorba Linda accountant arrested on suspicion of embezzling $1.8 million from Suzuki of America in Brea

Rensselaer accountant sentenced in child porn case

Phoenix tax preparer sentenced to prison for stealing his clients’ tax refunds

Lansing accountant sentenced to 7 years prison for fraud

Wakefield accountant sentenced to jail, probation for stealing from church

Essex accountant admits fraud against Cats production firm

North Las Vegas murder suspect a UNLV graduate student

EY employee conspires in £76k staff fraud

PwC accountant fired after 1,700 upskirting images

Accountant lied on oath to protect crime gang torturer

I could keep going but we’d be here all day and we still have a lot of ground to cover. You get the point.

I looked back in the archive and it appears it’s worse than I initially suspected. Bramwell has had no shortage of weekly material going all the way back to July, with even more littering the pages of the archive if you go further back than that. What in the hell is going on?

I mean, maybe people are just losing their minds. These are hard times we live in after all. Everyone is all worked into a lather politically and the future seems bleak, and you know, maybe otherwise good, honest accountants just snapped and started stealing and lying and, uh, killing their wives and then sloppily trying to pass it off as suicide.

I want to say these are isolated incidents but damn, in the aggregate, it’s starting to look like accountants around the world have collectively lost their shit.

KPM-God damn they did it again

No discussion about the profession’s PR problem could be had without mentioning the elephant in the room. Not pointing fingers but I just have to say it: KPMG.

Has KPMG had a single positive headline all year? Honestly I have no idea, I’ve been too distracted by all the not positive ones. They’ve had a rough go of it, no doubt. Just when you think their reputation couldn’t get worse (on top of the baseline reputation they’ve always had as the sweaty armpit of the Big 4, that is), something else appears that makes you sigh the sigh of a bitter, alcoholic, old accounting tabloid writer who is sick of this bullshit (I’m projecting here, obvs).

Rather than blockquote the dozens upon dozens of articles we’ve written in the last year or so that simply beat this already dead horse to a pulp, let’s just pull some headlines from the last year, shall we?

SEC Says $50 Million Fine For KPMG Is ‘Significant’ and ‘Appropriate’ For All That Cheating Going On

Survey Finds That Nearly a Third of KPMG Employees Aren’t Surprised by Latest Cheating Scandal

Which KPMG Scandal Is Worse: PCAOB ‘Steal the Exam’ or CPE Training Exam Cheating?

KPMG Australia Partner Pleaded Guilty to Stabbing a Dude with a Corkscrew Outside of a School

Here’s More Proof That KPMG U.K. Totally F*cked Up the Way It Handled Bullying Allegations Against Partner

KPMG Doesn’t Think It Should Have to Pay a $16 Million Fine For Screwing Up BNY Mellon Compliance Reports

Another Day, Another Fine for KPMG

KPMG Just Can’t Stay Out of Trouble

KPMG Mexico Could Be Facing Fine of Up to $1.6 Million For Huge Data Leak Blunder

U.K.’s Audit Regulator Wants to Find Out Exactly Why KPMG Is Such a Hot F*cking Mess

KPMG Appeals One-Year Auditing Suspension In Oman, Loses

Should I keep going? I could keep going. That’s only some of the worst ones going back to March. Of this year. Soooo… seven months. Of course, no discussion of KPMG malfeasance would be complete without including what I think is my favorite headline of the year:

The PCAOB Needs to Just Beat the Sh*t Out of KPMG Already

Alright. So yeah, KPMG has a problem. But bigger than KPMG’s inability to keep its nuts out of the fire is the fact that thanks to the Big 4 oligarchy, every KPMG fuck-up is a fuck-up for the Big 4. The average person doesn’t know nor care that it’s a single firm bogarting all the fuck-ups. All they see when opening up their Wall Street Journal is some accounting firm cheating or failing in their duty to clients or whatever the hell it is KPMG is fucking up this week.

That’s not to say other firms haven’t had their fair share of fuck-ups. Which brings me to my next point.

Our toothless regulator

Those of you who know me know I’ve been an outspoken critic of the PCAOB over the years. At the same time, I can respect some of the work they do in the way I respect about 60% of what is posted in /r/therewasanattempt.

  Back when the PCAOB was formed in the early ’00s, I was but a starry-eyed 21-year-old, and let’s just say I had more important shit to care about back then without turning this already long piece into another tangent about Adrienne’s Poor Choices in Life That Lead Her Here. It would be five whole years until my world would come crashing down and send me spinning into the purgatory of accounting, where it seems I’ve been banished to exist for eternity like some drunken, angry ghost. I digress.

Not sure if you guys heard but the PCAOB is failing in its mission as it quickly approaches its 20th birthday. Damn, has it been that long? Am I that old? Ouch.

Francine McKenna writes via MarketWatch:

The PCAOB board is staying out of the public eye in 2019, in violation of bylaws established by the law that created the PCAOB, the Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002. The law requires the PCAOB to hold at least one public meeting of its governing board each calendar quarter. However, the PCAOB board has held no public meetings of its governing board since December 20, 2018.

MarketWatch asked the PCAOB to comment on its apparent lack of compliance with its bylaws regarding open board meetings.

A PCAOB spokeswoman told MarketWatch, “Consistent with long-standing practice, the Board holds open meetings to take action on business such as standard-setting or voting on its budget and strategic plan. We expect to hold two open meetings in the coming months to address our 2020 budget and a proposed concept release related to our quality control standards.”

Not only is the PCAOB getting called out by us pundits circling the profession like hungry vultures waiting to pick the last rotten piece of muscle off a rapidly-decaying corpse (no offense, Francine, you know I love you), the normies are starting to pay attention, too.

In September, the Project on Government Oversight wrote a scathing hit piece on the PCAOB titled How an Agency You’ve Never Heard of Is Leaving the Economy at Risk that I absolutely recommend reading in its entirety.

A federal watchdog you’ve probably never heard of is supposed to be protecting your financial security.

It’s supposed to be policing some of the biggest and most powerful firms in American business.

It’s supposed to reduce the risk that, as a result of fraud, error, or corporate incompetence, your financial future goes poof.

Indirectly, it’s supposed to help safeguard any savings you’ve stashed in the stock market, any stake you have in a pension or retirement fund, and maybe even your paycheck and employment benefits.

It’s supposed to help avert man-made disasters like the financial crisis and mortgage-meltdown of a decade ago; the accounting scandals that destroyed a long list of corporations such as Enron and WorldCom almost two decades ago; and the savings and loan crisis that consumed mountains of taxpayer money in the 1980s and ‘90s—the kind of catastrophes that can cripple your community, crater the economy, or collapse the financial system.

But in key respects it’s been doing a feeble job.

That goes on for, well, let’s just say it’s a long read. Read it. All that to say, everyone’s getting called out now. Remember the good old days when mainly all we had were low blows for Grant Thornton and McGladrey cracks? Yeah, that time is over.

Meanwhile, in Canada

So we’ve established that the profession has a PR problem and that’s all well and good, but at this point, I’m not entirely sure even Don Draper could turn this dead horse into dog food.

On September 11, I wrote an article about CPA Canada’s new advertising campaign, the goal of which I believe was to make CPAs “cool” although who the hell knows with these things sometimes. Yeah, I guess that was it.

In its ongoing effort to smash the green eyeshade stereotype and convince the public that CPAs do more than just annoy their clients and vague tax-like things civvies will never understand, CPA Canada hired advertising agency DentsuBos to develop a new campaign with the lofty goal “to portray CPAs in a modern light.”

The “new face” campaign comes on the heels of last year’s “boring CPA” campaign, also developed with DentsuBos, which ran a cool $5 million. Personally I prefer the AICPA campaign in which a small business owner literally gets his ass beat until a CPA appears to rescue him but whatever.

Just nine days later, Canadians across their fine country opened up their Financial Post to read all about how CPA Canada absolutely fucked up the Common Final Examination, which for my fellow ignorant Yanks who might be wondering, is their version of the CPA exam essentially. Abject failure, slapped all over the national news. Embarrassing.

So what now?

This article is already way too long and since no one is around to edit the shit out of me I could probably make it even longer, but let’s not turn this beating into a massacre, K? Point has been made.

So I have to ask: What is the solution? For all this talk of public trust and ethics, the profession is wobbling unsteadily at a pretty crucial crossroads and in desperate need of a come-to-Jesus moment. All it’s gonna take is one more big scandal to topple the whole thing, and at this rate, we should see that, I dunno, next week sometime?

I dunno about y’all but I’m getting tired of getting all worked up over the potential for some big blow-up only to be disappointed when literally nothing happens. To be frank, I’ve had doom and gloom blue balls since 2008 still waiting for the economy to fully bottom out and that never happened, so let’s just say I’m not too hopeful even Enron II will have much of an impact at this point when not if it happens. Sure, there will be a few salacious headlines and maybe we’ll get another toothless agency out of it but will anything really change? From the depths of my cold black heart I’m inclined to say nah.

I guess all we can do is wait, see, and hope middle-aged bookkeepers would stop robbing their employers blind.

The post State of the Profession 2019: We Need to Talk About Accounting’s Big PR Problem appeared first on Going Concern.

republished from Going Concern