#(dr appointment got fucked up and i'm pissed about it

[thegempage]

i Want to draw but i have a feeling i could Maybe play a game and i'm. hmm.

[vncannyvalleygrrl]

I'll get on my knees and beg

Alan with an incredibly tall reader (maybe more male leaning) LIKE AHHH

Ik requests are delayed but this is in advance

Alan red × like 12 foot tall reader, maybe a demon

Picture this, after the bosses wife kinda...yk and he got half of hell, he also received a trusty servant (Satan has many) and reader basically becomes Mr bosses like bodyguard, and therefor becomes security for smiling friends( we don't want another James situation) do whatever you like, NSFW is optional irdm

I need this sarcastic man I wanna take him to his Dr monster appointments

omg i lovee this request!! i'm just gonna make the reader like a super tall masc demon with like horns and wings and stuff. i love this idea tho, thanks for requesting!

Allan Red x Demon!Reader

includes: general, dating, and some 𝒻𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓀𝓎 Allan nsfw.

small warning for a bit of graphic content, just a little beheading (he'll be ok trust)

General

Okayyy... Allan was not expecting this. Or rather, you. I don't think anyone expected this.

Everyone was freaking out when this unnaturally tall, red-winged demon crouched down into the doors of the building, barely fitting without your knees pressing against the floor. Naturally, because of your height, the rest of your body was proportional. In other words, you were fucking huge.

Once Mr.Boss explained to the boys that you were nothing but a lowly servant to him, they seemed to calm down a little.

Slowly, over time, everyone got used to your presence. They even added a soft rug so your knees wouldn't hurt. For being a literal demon, the boys were surprised by how kind you were to them, returning your generosity. Allan though... was a bit weary.

He often watched you with squinted eyes as he performed his tasks, never completely turning his back on you.

This continued until one fateful afternoon. Somehow Charlie and Pim managed to piss off some insane client who ran into the office, guns blazing. You managed to control the situation (by twisting the gunman's head off), saving the lives of everyone involved (besides that one guy but he'll be okay tho).

Allan began to trust you after that. At first it was small things, like acknowledging your existence, but it evolved into small chats here and there. Soon, he began to treat you as another coworker, even a friend.

He was fascinated by how tall you were. Everyone was, but especially Allan because usually he's taller than everyone else. He isn't used to bending his neck up to look at someone in the eyes.

He's always been one for knowledge. Sit down with him, share a cup of tea, and tell him about yourself. It's not everyday that someone gets to talk to a demon, he's savoring this as much as possible.

Dating

Allan is already a bit hesitant on dating, so it would take a lot for him to date a literal demon, no matter how nice you are to him. But if you somehow manage to court Allan and make him yours, get ready for a few things.

He has attempted to set up a date in Hell to be romantic, seeing as that's where you're from, but he quickly realizes that blistering heat and the screams of the perished aren't that enchanting. Would much prefer a trip to the museum, or if you prefer, the park.

If you're a demon that has wings, he will ask at least once if you can fly him around the city. He says it's just to save on gas money, but you know the real reason. If you agree, maybe you can take him to his Dr.Monster appointments! (He trusts you not to tell Charlie what it means.)

He understands that being 12 feet tall (144 inches) comes with a lot of issues. You barely fit into any buildings, strangers gawk and take photos of you, horrible back problems, etc. Allan really tries to accommodate, bless his heart, but he cannot not be blunt about it. He doesn't realize it either.

"Babe-uh, I don't think you can fit in my apartment-tuh."

Unironically calls you his succubus/incubus to flirt and thinks it's romantic. If you think it is then you two are a perfect match.

🚨 NSFW 🚨

Ok maybe he was right about the succubus/incubus thing because wow you are a freak. And he returns the energy right back.

Willing to fuck anywhere anytime. Eventually you manage to Pavlov's Dog him with nothing but bedroom eyes and a small smile. He does not care what you do to him, just tie him up and he'll be happy.

Overstimulation? Yes. Edging? Yes. Face riding? You already know it's a fat yes from him. Gets a little too into it and tries asking you to do temperature play with your fire abilities (up to you if you want to accept or not.)

As a demon, you have inhuman strength, and Allan practically begs you to use it on him every session. Hold down his hips while he grinds on your thigh, pin his knees up to his chest as you eat him out, Good Lord he does not care how you use it. Whatever makes him have the best orgasm is fine with him.

If you two are dating and it happens to heat up, he's much more considerate of your needs during intercourse. He learns what your body needs, how to properly stimulate you, etc. He's even open to the idea of some butt stuff. (Not fisting/anal on him, he's scared that would rip him a new hole.)

He is a 𝒻𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓀

A/N: sososo sorry about the late request! something irl has recently come up and i kinda got sidetracked, requests will be slowed for a bit but i am writing them! also for those waiting for the charlie tits drawing it's gonna be awhile (like maybe a week i'm doing it for anatomy practice) (i'm telling myself it's for anatomy practice) (i just like man boobs)

[killbaned]

mom came in and woke me up ten minutes to eight and i was about to get pissed about like. i have to be awake in less than two hours, but she wanted to reschedule her drs appointment which was fine since i reaaaaallly didn't want to do that anyway.

i went to the store, got suitable provisions for if my guts go south (so far it's okay?) except. girl i got chicken stock for my ramen and FORGOT THE NOODLES. (i have at least one pack still so it's fine)

my backup meal drinks were bogo free so i got six of them bitches and a pack of ensure AND i have a pack of ensure hidden in the fridge because i ended up not using any of the pack i bought last week for work.

i also got another pizza. i am about to make and eat the pizza and then i'm gonna like. chill out. and when that afternoon fatigue starts hitting about 12 or 1 i am loading up on go the fuck to sleep medications in the middle of the day and so help me i will get more than five hours of sleep at once

[captain-aralias]

Life update

TL;DR - currently still pregnant at 21 weeks, baby is currently ok.

but spent the last 3 days in hospital, getting surgery to try and stop baby coming dangerously early. now back to being WORRIED ALL THE TIME.

if you want to read about that, i've written a post just to get it all out. it's quite bleak, even though we are hoping for the best.

triggers in the below: pregnancy, miscarriage, other death

so yes! it's been a weird week.

started really well - i started taking liquid iron and felt GREAT, shockingly good to the extent that i assumed it was a placebo effect and not actually my body. this is not relevant to the rest of the story, just that i was feeling really confident, not tired for the first time in ages, having a good time.

wednesday - i got a text from the NHS saying i had an appointment the next day. again, so confident was i feeling about pregnancy that my reaction was to be pissed off. no i didn't have an appointment, this was my week of no appointments!!! i was going to go into work for one of my mandatory two days in the office, wtf.

a physical letter arrived at my house a few hours after this and confirmed that i did indeed have an appointment i'd never heard of. the only information about what it was were the words 'obstetrics f/up.' eventually i realised f/up meant 'follow up', rather than 'fuck up', but i was still pretty much in the dark about what it would be.

but i went along anyway, rather than cancelling in a fit of pique because i HAPPENED to have the lunchtime of the next day free. i did not go into work.

the appointment turned out to be .... a scan, performed by a doctor rather than the normal sonographer. i actually had been told that they would try and book something like this at my.... obstetrics appointment, hence the name. the reason for booking in this appointment was that every time i go for a scan, baby is not willing to move around so it has been hard to get all the views that are necessary. and also i've had IVF.

again, i thought - this is probably a waste of time. i'm a low risk patient! i just have IVF because i'm queer, i'm actually dead good at pregnancy. but hey ho.

and indeed, first time doctor scanned me, baby refused to move. went outside, drank some water, she scanned someone else, i went back - they scanned me again. declared baby is fine! doesn't even have a short leg like we were worried about before, brill. but...

i seem to have a short cervix. that could cause early delivery. maybe we should scan me the other way to confirm. but she has to scan someone else first.

this is - as you may guess - where the story gets bad. although i didn't guess that yet. i thought - early delivery? no problem. you mean, like 2 weeks or something, cool. i've already booked my maternity leave to start 2 weeks early.

NO. it means - like, any time from now. even though baby will literally die if born now.

scan confirms that cervix is 1mm, instead of the 25mm+ that is usually no cause to worry.

doctor says - you need to go to labour ward now and probably get surgery, and stay over night.

i'm still living in cloud cuckoo land at this point, so my brain is like - stay over night? but i have one-time only dinner plans at fortnum and mason tonight (a true story, a gift from my partner's rich eccentric mother).

we go over to the labour ward - at which point, my brain starts to point out that this is not good. we're put in a birthing suite to wait for someone to come and talk to us. usually, i would be texting my friend who is also a resident of the same town and due to have her baby 2 weeks before me (OR MAYBE NOT) but i guess this is where it hits me that i might never get to the bit where we are in the birthing suite.

basically from this point onwards, i cried at least several times per day until saturday. midwives kept trying to comfort me. the next doctor they brought to talk to me and my partner (fortunately with me) basically acted like he was telling me i had terminal cancer (i do not have terminal cancer). he wanted me to know that the baby might still die even if we do the surgery, and also that doing the surgery might also break my waters, and then they'd recommend terminating as i'm only 21 weeks pregnant, and babies usually don't survive earlier than 24 weeks. even then - that's very premature.

there was some suggestion they might be able to do the surgery THAT DAY, but it didn't work out. so we were transferred to the antenatal ward, given a (different) private room, and my partner was sent home to get my stuff. she came back and stayed the night in the single bed - not as fun as the fanfic makes it look! particularly because even though we were off the main ward, we could still hear.... people in labour. and babies - like the one we might not have - crying. and beeping - lots of beepings.

also - one of my friends came to pick up my car, which i'd left on the street back when i thought that the appointment would be maximum 2 hours. i was vvv upset about the baby, but my brain wouldn't shut up about the car either. WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO THE CAR. until it was gone, and then it was 100% baby panic.

monitoring of blood pressure and temperature too, so - should you get to sleep, you will definitely be woken at 2am and 6am. amazing.

cut to the next day - no food, little water. a bunch of drugs, no surgery until 3.30. surgery includes being completely numb from waist down, which is great (genuinely). as well as pain relief, this really decreases the humiliation of being in a room with 10 people all looking up your hospital gown while you can't control your bodily functions.

the surgeon had come in for like 5 minutes earlier and this is not an exaggeration of our conversation:

him: you're having this surgery, it had a 50% chance of failing to get you to full term even if we do put the stitch in successfully, sign this consent form please no offence lovely NHS, genuinely amazing throughout this whole situation, but this is the first time anyone had said 50% chance of failure.

me: [signs form, since has no choice really] him: any questions? me: er... him: [literally already out the door, genuinely did not wait for an answer] midwife [still there, apologetic] as you can see, they're very busy. if you have questions, best to write them down and just say them loudly when you get the chance

everyone else in the theatre was super nice. although also kept asking me about the baby i was convinced i might lose within the surgery (do you know the gender? what are you going to call him?). surgery went ok. very quick. did NOT lose the baby ... at that point. but couldn't stop crying as soon as i got out.

still numb for 6 hours. catheter horrible. spent 2 hours in the recovery ward - still no food allowed - under a weird inflatable blanket. wheeled back to the antenatal ward.

this time, we were on the main ward - although it was pretty quiet because they don't schedule people in for stuff on saturdays. just two women there - both waiting for emergency c-section the next day.

while i was glad neither were in labour, it was still super awkward and upsetting to be on the ward with them. sound carried really well, so we heard all their consultations, including a bit where one of them had to describe her previous history of pregnancy, which included having twins - one of whom DIED. omg. cue - another crying fit for self.

seriously - my overall feeling coming out of this was how amazing the NHS is, how amazing it was that the doctor caught my cervix the day before it opened fully during a random scan for something else (because my cervix was fully open during the surgery, 24 hours after the scan. vv bad) the midwives were so lovely, the nurses were so lovely. they gave me loads of great drugs too (progesterone - my old friend from IVF), which will hopefully keep contractions away, in addition to the stitch.

BUT.... it was pretty hellish to be incredibly emotional and stuck in hospital listening to this stuff for 2 days, unable to sleep. very very likely some of the worst days of my life so far.

i'm back home, as of yesterday, which is amazing. slept a full night, and i'm 2 days out of surgery. the symptoms of the surgery failing are all things that i am feeling right now - like.... pain. contractions (is this a contraction, or is this the baby moving??) and maybe your waters breaking, which could happen slowly so how do you know it's not happening RIGHT NOW.

so - basically, i am still not in a good place emotionally, even though we haven't lost the baby yet. i realised that as well as just.... the very fact of the possible death of a baby we have given a name to (we couldn't use the name again for another baby, could we?) ... i think i'm also in shock for the idea of the life i thought i was going to have this year. i've booked my maternity leave, i was getting into baby mode - starting to largely only want to read baby books, etc. thinking about buying the wrap-top from the advert i watch every time i go into hospital where you can put your baby inside the top and have them skin-to-skin.

and the idea of baby dying and then having to go back to work, my friend having her baby 2 weeks ahead of when i should have had mine... it's just awful. i want the baby, i want to go on maternity leave.

baby coming early but still within a viable window (so - hold on another 3+ weeks) doesn't worry me so much, though is worrying my partner in terms of possible developmental issues of pre-term children. i probably just can't conceptualise this, because my brain is thinking 'well, at least there would be a baby.'

so - that's where we are. doctors and internet both agree bedrest isn't really necessary or helpful, but i have my drugs + antibiotics. 22 weeks is on tuesday. 24 weeks (so viable but very premature baby) - 7th february.

if we make it through february, we'll be in the third trimester, and start to get some good rates of survival if baby comes early.

me to baby (proposed middle name: alexander) every few hours:

heard lots of stories of things being ok and people getting to full term (or close enough) from friends and midwives, one of the trainees literally said this had happened to her. this partly reassures me, and also makes me think - surely that means there must be a need for people to be in the BAD 60-40% to make up the statistics, and that could be me. (i know that's not how statistics works, it's how my brain works).

final doctor - a completely different person to any of the others in this story - told me i likely have a good chance because i have no history of cervical damage, to the extent that they aren't sure why this has happened to me. but the internet told me that it's less likely to be ok if the cervix opened (which mine did), so maybe.......

and maybe these pains are bad pains, rather than i was cut open pains. and maybe my water is breaking.........

in conclusion - i'll be a basketcase for the next few weeks, probably. and then possibly very sad. or possibly it will be some form of all right.

no need to respond to this post, if you got this far! in fact, i might prefer it - i turned off comments on my (much shorter) version of this on twitter as it's all too upsetting. but wanted to let people know, and also record for posterity while i felt a bit more with it/less sad.

likes are ok, even though obviously there's not much to like - except the NHS!! and my friend who took my car home.

this post is also why i probably won't do the 15 questions post that's going around, because it talks about 'when did you last cry' and children, even though we all know the answers to that now. i just don't want this shit in a normal happy meme post.

anyway - hope everyone else is having a nice weekend, and making and/or consuming good art <3

[respectthepetty]

Since I decided the best way to make it through Our Skyy 2 with minimal damage is to drink my way through it, welcome to the fourth round of

CockTails in the Skyy!

This week's drink is Purple Pair for these color-coded boys in love:

Absolut vodka because vodka is my least favorite liquor (just like this show), but Absolut since much like this company, I'm gonna support my fellow queers no matter what

cranberry juice for Puen's pink(ish)

curaçao for Talay's blue

lavender syrup and rock candy on the rim for the wild switcheroo between calm and chaos

Last week's preview got me very excited for this installment to see these two be dads, but because I love spoilers, I already know I'm gonna be pissed, so . . . (-_-)

Bottoms up!

TALAY WASN'T THERE FOR PUEN'S BIRTHDAY?! We are starting with violence!

They can't go on this trip because of Puen, but it started with me being upset at Talay. I see we are also sticking to deceit.

During finals, I put a sign on my door of Drake's "Hotline Bling" stating: "Visiting without a prior appointment" vs. "Emailing me" because people be bold just popping in. I relate to Talay in his tent.

Puen started off by wearing fading pink, but now they are both wearing Talay's blue. If they both end wearing pink, I'll be happy.

This is disgustingly cute, but I can't even enjoy this because I know what nonsense is going to happen.

I'm obsessed with IKEA and Buc-ee's, so I will not judge Puen making it rain Lay's on his man. I don't need to understand it. I respect it.

We constantly mentioned how Vice Versa was snagging all the product placements, so The Eclipse could exist, but VV got Lay's money and YAMAHA?! This show was making bank! Because I keep seeing the Gran Turismo trailer, cue Nas x P. Diddy's "Hate Me Now" - You wanna hate me then hate me, what can I do but keep gettin' money

I'm upset! This shit is cute! Yet, it's gonna get fucked up BY LIES!

I don't know why it didn't register during the previews, but they really threw this kid out in the middle of a rainy night to kickstart these shenanigans! In the words of the best gay pirates, "The Fuckery"

Puen not wanting Jigsaw to feel alone because he felt alone all his life would be touching if not for the LIES!

I have been done with this drink since part one, and I'm getting more upset with each passing minute.

I can't wrap my head about Neo. Not even thinking about Kan when he appears on the screen even though I just saw him last week in The Eclipse. This man is going to be the best slutty villain in Only Friends. I feel it!

The Red and Blue have been dating for five years, but one of them is a LIAR *Elle Woods from Legally Blonde throwing Lay's chips at the TV screen*

Now they are switching colors. Jigsaw, look at the Papa who is a color-coded LIAR!

I need TWO Purple Pairs to make it through the second episode. *plays hold music*

Multicolor for multi-lies

I haven't even mentioned us not getting Fuse x Aou. The only side crumbs that are thriving are MarcPawin and they weren't even in a show! Our Skyy 2 is not serving my side pairs agenda at all.

Nivea now?! Dr. Jimmy, the dermatologist, is snatching skincare sponsors like Dr. Mix, the veterinarian, is grabbing pet food ones. "AXE ABOUT ME! I'm a hustla, Imma Imma hustla, homie!" - Jay-Z

Jigsaw wearing blue then red while Talay and Puen switch colors makes me upset because THE LIES, THE LIES, THE LIES!

And now Jigsaw is wearing all the colors while Talay and Peun both wear yellow. I'm livid, y'all.

We were robbed!

We were robbed by this show the same way it's robbing these companies of their money because they got that tea $$$ too (in their shared yellows)

"My house is next to a forest." Bro, what? Talay, for you to have dated a liar for five years, I'd expect you to be better at lying.

This Red and Blue are dating. I'm taking no questions.

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Two got me fucked up with this bullshit plan!

"It feels like I'm lying to him." Puen, what would lying look like if this isn't it? Just curious. What else have you "not lied" about? Your name, perhaps? staying salty

The Three Stooges: BL Style.

Disciplining kids is rough. Couldn't be me. Could. Not. Be. Me.

Such a sweet moment of Puen telling Talay he can rely on him and tell him anything . . . while he omits the truth.

Puen waking up in blue knowing damn well he done effed up is delightful, but not as great as Tup's (Neo's) walk run! Now, that is the walk of a man who knows he effed up and lost his sister's kid.

Talay can lie! Thank goodness!

Oh shit! He lied since the night before about the discipline?! I didn't think Talay had it in him. Damn. Good for him.

Tane in Our Dining Table and Jigsaw are two of the cutest children who deserve all the stuffed animals and all the hugs.

Such a lovely speech ruined by the undercurrent of lies and singing on the beach.

It didn't end with them in pink. (-_-)

I'm seeing red after this installment because this would have been a solid 9/10 if it weren't for the lie. I'm in my Our Dining Table feels, so seeing two men with a kid would have made this the best Our Skyy 2's episodes so far, yet it fumbled in the final stretch and flipped the tables, which means I have to flip the score.

6/10 CockTails for making me fall in love with a plot that never existed, but still funding the entire Our Skyy 2 series with its product placements.

Now I have to prepare for the singing in a show about singing when for the past four weeks, all I've gotten is singing. Thankfully, Fourth will wear glasses, and Mark will make an appearance.

Side couple, please?

[casspurrjoybell-20]

FOOLS IN LOVE - Chapter 4 - Part 1

BOOK THREE: 'Fools Fall in Love' Trilogy

*Warning Adult Content*

Noah Wright

"How do you think you could have responded better to seeing Sam?" I sighed, my elbows digging into my thighs to support my head that was slumped into the palm of my hands.

"By not yelling and swearing obviously," I muttered, already feeling like I wanted to yell and swear at Dr. Zinko.

Sometimes I hated therapy.

Mostly when I already had a piss-ass attitude before entering the lavender scented room.

I felt patronized like I was fucking dumb as shit and needed to be talked to like a baby.

Other days when I was in a decent mood, I quite enjoyed Dr. Zinko and though I probably wouldn't admit it, he had helped me immensely with my mood and better ways to cope when I was angry.

Obviously, I still had slip ups.

At first I shut down the idea of a therapist when my ex-boyfriend insisted they could help but then I had an incident last June.

The incident was sparked by my inability to control the strong emotions I felt, jealousy, anger, heartache, when I saw my ex-boyfriend going on a trip to Punta Cuna with his new boyfriend.

The trip he was going to take me to for my birthday.

So, to compensate for all the shitty feelings my body was overwhelmed with, my solution was to drink myself to death., literally.

Now, it wasn't my intention to off myself, I just figured I could handle a bottle of tequila and half a bottle of vodka.

I couldn't.

My roommate, Ciera found me passed out in the bathroom and got me to the hospital in time to pump my stomach, so I could live another day on this Hell hole we call Earth.

Yay. After that, I made the decision to be sober and to talk to a professional... well, Ciera changed the lock on our apartment door and told me I wasn't allowed in until I scheduled an appointment to meet with someone but the sober part was all me.

It turned out, I liked talking to Dr. Zinko and he wasn't as much as a self righteous, tool bag as I thought therapist were.

Besides on days, of course, where I was already in a piss-ass mood.

"I'm trying to understand, you've been doing so much better, you haven't had an episode like that in weeks."

'Episodes.'

That's what Dr. Zinko referred to my screaming and swearing fits.

Whenever my emotions were heightened and got too overwhelming for me, I lashed out.

Like last November when Sam and I broke up, the way I handled it was yelling over him and storming off.

Or when Ciera told me I was becoming an alcoholic like my father last February and I got in her face, screaming at her that she was a...

"Stupid fucking cunt that doesn't know shit."

So yeah, episodes.

"There must have been something beforehand that triggered you," Dr. Zinko pressed, setting his notepad down.

"That whole fucking day sucked," I confessed and switched to leaning back against the couch cushion, my knee bouncing profusely as it always did when I felt uneasy and thinking about Saturday, had me feeling far from easy.

"Start from the beginning. What was the first trigger?"

"My mom. She showed up again at my work."

My mother had been a newly, yet unwanted presence in my life.

Ever since she showed up at my doorstep back in November, I've seen her three other times.

All at my work.

"How did you approach her?"

"I couldn't do anything. I was stuck, wiping down fucking tables, my boss was on my ass all God-damn..."

"So your boss was your first trigger," my therapist pointed out.

I paused and thought.

I was working as a busboy at a restaurant downtown called Rosemary's.

It was a fancy Italian restaurant with a grade A cunt as the boss but the pay was good.

Mary, my boss, was particularly more bitchy than usual that day and for some reason kept ragging on me for every little thing I did.

"Yeah, I guess. Then my relentless mother appeared for half a second. She ordered for pick up, just to see me and then she left."

"Hmm. What is the worst that could happen if you sat down and talked to her?" he asked as though he was genuinely curious on that answer.

My stomach felt queasy.

"I don't know. The worst? She'd tell me that it was all my fault she left and she started a new and better family." 'But we already know she's not going to say that.' 'Happy birthday, baby' isn't something you say to someone you resent and who left you no choice but to leave and if she had a, quote, unquote 'better family' why would she be hanging around you?"

I scoffed.

"Gee, thanks, Doc."

He gave me his signature disapproval look.

"You know how I meant it. I mean, based on the facts, I know you see how unlikely the worst is to happen."

I shrugged.

"Okay, boss, mom, then what? Sam?"

"No. Jude," I spoke that name like it was lice on a fourth graders head, disgusting and difficult to remove.

"He also showed up at that frat party. Fuck, I shouldn't have gone but Ciera fucking insisted," I groaned.

"I wanted to hit him when he made a comment about Sam."

"But you didn't?"

"No," I confirmed.

"But, I wish I had."

"No you don't, you're nineteen. You're not in high school anymore, if you get into a fight, you're going to jail."

I grunted in response and he knew I wasn't going to speak further on that, so he continued...

"So, boss, mom, Jude..."

"Then Sam."

Sam looked mostly the same but he was definitely skinnier than the last time I saw him, which made me worry a bit when I actually thought about how he was already skinny before.

"Ah and what would you tell Sam instead? If you could go back, the first three triggers never occurred. What would you say to him?"

"I'd say..." I took a deep breath and pictured those brilliant green eyes I loved then grieved over in just a year.

"You being here is only going to make it all hurt worse."

Sacred moments of my past relationship with Sam ran through my mind like a stop motion picture.

Every detail more potent than the last.

Sam's hands gently on my face, him smiling just for me or laughing just for me.

How he laid in my arms in bed, secure and restoring.

When he'd say he loved me and meant it.

When we were most intimate with each other.

I swallowed the stiffness in my throat.

"I don't want to hurt anymore."

[starocean]

y’all i’m so sorry i’m hardly active on here, i really am.

i sound like a whiny baby but i’m so exhausted all the time, and mentally and physically i’m just not doing well. this has been feeding my depression and making it worse, which isn’t helping in the slightest. why do these always keep getting really long lmao

tl;dr i'm tired and all i do is sleep or lay around and rest and do nothing productive and it's taking a toll on me bc idk when i'm getting anymore extended time off and i just want to have time to properly rest and recuperate w/o worrying about work. and it's preventing me from doing anything productive

i'm a broken record but idc anymore man.

my vacation keeps getting pushed back, and i’m ngl, i’m still miffed my boss hasn’t even talked to me about it. i’m just. so tired. so physically tired that atp, if i let myself sleep without getting up to do anything that i need to do, i am getting around 12 hours of sleep or more. that’s literally half the day. i should not be sleeping that much of my time away, and it’s because my body is literally exhausted to the point that i’ve been getting headaches and fighting to stay awake while at work even when i am getting normal amounts of sleep.

i can't keep going on like this, and i really hope it changes soon bc it makes me want to cry. i hate feeling this way, feeling so sick and tired all the time. i just want my frickin extra time off, and the fact that my boss won't even talk to me about it just upsets me even more. the asm will literally pitch a fit if she can't get her vacation time or keep her off days. she does it all the time. when she starts trying to put her vacations in too close together and the sm rejects it, she will come to the store on her time off and demand to know why her time off requests were denied. she rarely has to cover for anyone if they call out, and when she does, she doesn't hesitate to let everyone know how pissy she is about it.

and not to go back to it, but that's a thing that really pisses me off about the sm trying to guilt trip me for wanting that one off-day back. i'm not like the asm. i don't gripe to all my coworkers about not having off this day or that day or whatever. i have not ever, actually, said anything to her about all the 9 - 13 day "weeks" she keeps scheduling me for (which will probably change, bc if i found out that the reason i have next weekend off is bc she's scheduling me for an extra long work "week" again, i will be saying something to her bc i'm fucking tired of it. i should not have to work two damn weeks for one day off). i have quite literally NEVER said anything about my off-days being taken without her contacting me before—even when that's been the reason i've had to work 13 days straight, but whatever—unless i had to remind her about certain times i'd already requested off bc of prior appointments (mostly for medical), and it's rare i have to say anything to her about that. i keep my displeasure to myself and bitch to my mom or on here, but i never say anything to my coworkers or my boss bc i don't like feeling like i'm being a nuisance.

but like??? that was the first double she'd had to pull in months. i've pulled more than they have, bc of someone calling out and the asm and other coworkers refusing to cover for anyone. and i still don't feel sorry for her covering that night bc she got the next day off. if i'd just let it stand and not said anything to her, it would've lead to another one of those 13-day work "weeks" for me and i wasn't having that lmfao. and, like, i am the only one that this happens to regularly. not even the girl who wants to work for days on end with no time off gets to do that. the sm has denied her requests of less time off because "you need to take time off, no one can work like that without a break here and there." which is true, yeah, but it's really fucking hypocritical bc?? she expects me to?????? she's scheduled me for these long ass "weeks" more than anyone in that store without even asking me if i'm okay with it, so????? fuck that.

it fucking sucks and it makes me wonder if i made the right decision about not taking a chance on that work-from-home job i found. i can't tell if i dodged a bullet by listening to the reviews, or if i screwed up a really good chance.

let me have my extended time off! damn!

[buckgasms]

💜Dirty Doctor Bucky

Dirty (flirty) Doctor Bucky's admin notices lots of new patients scheduling pelvic exams with him...she gets jealous and he has to give her a talking to about being rude to his patients. Up to you if he is actually doing anything nefarious with patients or if he's just too handsome for the public to handle. But he's gotta teach his employee how to act right and you end up getting fucked in stirrups 🫣🫣 "is this what you think I'm doing with them? Huh??"

Omg I am such a whore I don't care! Thank you darling for picking this one, as you know now this is my favourite secret kink and I TOTALLY have lost control.

Enjoy 🤭

Warnings: doctor kink, sort of dub con but not really because we like this shit, fingering, fuckin, HE'S A LADY DOCTOR lordt help me.

Come celebrate 2k with me!

You slammed the phone down a little too hard as yet another 'cougar' had called to schedule yet another pelvic exam with your boss. This was getting ridiculous. There is no reason for him to be doing this many. Plus the looks those women gave you when they came out from their appointments was enough to make you scream.

It wasn't that you didn't support all kinds of healthcare, but couldn't they go to another doctor? Why did they have to pick your boss?

Well you knew why. He was totally gorgeous, charming, beefy, he wore the white coat and had floppy chestnut locks. He was perfect. It was utterly ludicrous. But you wanted him so badly. And every appointment you booked was a knife in your heart. He wasn't doing anything with them (you hoped) but they acted like he did. And it pissed you off.

You didn't realise Dr. Barnes had been watching as you slammed the phone down, or that he saw a patient approach your desk and listened as you snapped at them, flicking dramatically through the diary to find them a space. He chuckled to himself. You were not subtle, but that's how he liked it.

When the patient shuffled out of the office you got up and started closing windows and making preparations for going home when he interrupted you.

"May I speak with you for a moment?" His smooth voice drifted over the room. You flushed and nodded, quickly locking the main door before going into his office. He left a seat free for you and sat behind his desk, he was smirking a little and your tummy fluttered.

"I've noticed that you've been somewhat short with a number of my patients. I'd like to know why..." You opened your mouth a few times like a goldfish. "Dr Barnes I'm so sorry l, I will be better I promise." He waved your answer away and shook his head, "I asked you why, what's the problem?" You fiddled with your fingers and looked away from him. "I'm... It's nothing really. Maybe I'm hormonal or something" you gave a fake laugh and shrugged at him.

"Hormonal? Well maybe I should check you over huh?" He looked at you seriously and you thought you might pass out. "Oh I don't know..." But he was already standing up and holding out his hand to guide you over to his examination bench. You always found it very intimidating with the cold leather and big metal stirrups. "Well unless it's something else bothering you...?" He queried and you paused for a moment. Maybe you could just be honest? Or maybe the ground would swallow you up? You paused. Nope. This was happening.

He helped you onto the bench and eyed you while he grabbed a clipboard. He then proceeded to ask you questions about your health history, personal life and habits. "Hmm you seem fine" he muttered as he ticked off a few things on his list before placing it down on the side. "You seeing anyone at the moment?" You couldn't help but laugh and stare at him, "Dr. Barnes, this is hardly the time!" He smiled and rolled his eyes. "It was supposed to be a polite way of asking if you were sexually active." You wanted to die but just about managed to shake your head. He smiled and squeezed your arm, "don't worry, let me just do a quick examination and see what might be causing all this drama in my office."

He gave you a moment of privacy to undress and cover yourself with a paper sheet on your lower half. It seemed pointless given he was about to get an eyeful of you, but you appreciated it anyway. When you were as comfortable as you could be he reappeared. You were suddenly struck with just how gorgeous he was and how fucking stupid you were. Why did you agree to this?

"Just relax, it'll be fine honey" he said and squeezed your thigh. You gave a pained smile and tried to exhale without sounding too tense. He left you for a moment to go and find a various assortment of equipment before he lifted your legs to sit in the stirrups. His fingers then started pushing and prodding at your most intimate area.

"I've noticed you seem to be most annoyed with my patients having pelvic exams..." His fingers spread your pussy lips apart and he rubbed a firm finger up and down your slit. "I don't think there's anything wrong with you, apart from that you are a jealous little slut...just look how wet you are."

You couldn't speak, he was massaging your cunt in the most perfect way, that you could actually hear how wet you were. He growled in approval as he sunk a finger inside you and curled it upwards. "I wanna know... Is this what you think I do all day? Fuck silly sluts like you?" You shook your head but he removed his finger and his hand came down hard on you and you squealed. "Tell me the truth." You moaned and tried to move but he held your tight. "Urrgh yes!" You shouted, squeezing your eyes shut in embarrassment.

"Well unlike you, I am a professional." He gritted his teeth a little as he spanked your exposed heat but you couldn't move thanks to your legs being stuck in the stirrups. "You need a lesson in manners if you want to keep working for me. And maybe if you're a good girl... You can get a little reward?"

All you wanted was him, and to keep your job (obviously), but mostly him. "I promise, I'll be better, I'll be good...just...please?" You begged and he chuckled, his fingers returning to probe your pussy. "Ha, I knew it. Little sluts like you just need a bit of attention to behave huh?" You wiggled again as you listened to his belt unbuckle and watched as he dragged his thick, hard cock against your folds. You wanted to make a point that he wasn't being totally professional at this moment either, but then he sunk his cock into you with one smooth action making you moan and grip the bench beneath you. He leaned forward and pushed your shirt up to squeeze at your breasts as he rutted into you. You gripped his arms and did your best to move your hips to meet his thrust. "Please doctor Barnes" you whispered, knowing full well it would drive him crazy. He leaned forward more, fucking you impossibly harder and wrapping a hand around your throat. "Again...say it again" he panted as your walls squeezed him closer to his release. "Doctor Barnes... Feels so good..." The assault on your senses, the roll of his hips, the sound of his voice was enough to send you crashing over the edge, and bringing him with you.

Once he had tucked himself back in his pants he brought your underwear over to you and helped you dress. "You've got a beautiful pussy" he said and you almost choked on your breath. "Doctor Barnes, that's not very professional!" He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your cheek. "You have no idea how unprofessional things are about to be honey."

[metalheadsforblacklivesmatter]

So United Healthcare (an insurance company in America) was considering for a time to deny coverage if you went to an ER, and it wasn't an emergency. A lot of people were mad because "what if you went because you thought you were having a heart attack and it turned out to be a panic attack?" (Which is fair criticisms. There's a lot of conditions that aren't live threatening but have the symptoms of life threatening conditions. )

After public backlash, they've changed their mind.

But that's not what pisses me off here. What pisses me off is insurance companies already do this.

For background information, if I get a migraine so bad I'm vomiting, I go to the ER. Why? Because if I get a migraine so bad I'm vomiting, I can't hold down anything, even water. Migraines can last days, so, you do the math.

I used to be lucky, I only couldn't hold down food. You can go a few days without food, but obviously they've gotten worse (actually they've been continuously getting worse over the past 5 years).

Since I kinda need to drink water, I go to the ER to get some IV meds and fluids to cut the migraine before it gets to the dehydration point. I've been severely dehydrated before, and I still have nightmares from those hallucinations. I think I'm being very responsible going to the ER BEFORE it gets to that point on a Saturday.

The Dr runs my insurance, and comes back in, "Yeah. I'm not sure if your insurance will cover it. They'll enter this as just a headache and not deem this as an emergency. They may not cover this." (Mind you, I'm in SEVERE pain. I don't really remember most of this. What I do remember is from the letters and bills I got after.)

The person who brought me (my mom because she's whom I chose to be my advocate for my migraine appointments), called the insurance. The agent just kept saying over and over, "Yeah. If you think it's an emergency then stay. But if it's not one then we won't cover it. But if you think it's one then stay." So we stay. You know, because the alternative is waiting until I'm severely dehydrated, and I'm in so much pain I'm not even sure I can survive that long.

A few months later I get a $10k ER bill and debt collectors calling me up my ass.

Because "migraine" isn't considered an emergency. (Let me remind you, I've ended up in the ER with severe dehydration before. I was being proactive this time by going in before it got to that point.)

(After fighting a few months with my insurance, I did get it covered, but what the fuck? You're going to tell me I have to wait for this condition I have to turn into an emergency, knowing full well it will turn into an emergency, before I can go in? Really?)

I just needed some IV meds before I spent 2 days vomiting without any water. Jeez.

(Thankfully, there's better meds out these days, and it doesn't get to that point anymore. But I'm still baffled that they wanted me to wait for it to become an emergency, when I knew full well it would become an emergency in a few hours, before I could get treatment. Your telling me I can't be proactive with my life threatening health condition?)

And for anyone new here, I just got over fighting my insurance for a month for this new med because the old one was negatively impacting my life too much. Without insurance (with GoodRx) it would have been $900.

I'm literally just trying to be a productive member of society, and insurance refuses to let me. And I have the best insurance for where I live (otherwise my Dr's and meds wouldn't be covered).

-fae

[casmybelovedass]

The Destiel Folder: Season 5

[Season 4 here]

Episode 1:

Dean is visibly upset about Cas' death, especially at (6:07), and Zachariah notices. From here on, we have a progressive worse reaction from Dean to each of Castiel's deaths

Dean calls Cas a 'friend', again sounding very upset (8:20)

We also get a parallel between Dean and Sam: "I learned that from my friend Cas, you son of a bitch!" and "I learned that from Ruby." (9:10) ICWAW, this parallel would implicate romantic subtext

Cas comes back, bringing top energy onto Zachariah, and Dean just... checks him out (32:43) [this is a frequent thing by the way, I'm on S10 right now, it is]

Episode 2:

I'm so fuckin sorry but I'm laughing too hard at this: D"God" C"Yes" D"God" C"Yes!" (4:09) guys, don't sex-talk in front of Sam and Bobby

"I rebelled, and I did it, all of it, for you." (4:54)

Dean gives in to Cas' top energy "Dean, give it to me." (5:53) shit, guys, enough sex-talk

Episode 3:

The 'personal space scene'. Dean, love, if someone is in your personal bubble, and you don't want them there, you don't stand there for 10 seconds while flicking your gaze from their eyes to their lips TWICE (6:04) ICWAW, these scene would be read as full of sexual tension

Dean here compares himself and Cas to Thelma & Louise, from a movie with HELLA lesbian subtext. And the way he looks at Cas for 7 seconds, tongue between his teeth and just... this fucking look (7:37)

You don't look at friends that way. You don't.

"I need your help, because you're the only one who'll help me. Please". (7:58) Cas trusts Dean will help him while no other would, and he is right... also Dean keeps glancing at his lips

The way Dean fixs Cas' tie and collar, so domestic. (10:34) [This will parallel in 10x05 when Dean messes up musical!Castiel's tie for it to be a legit costume.] Also, the whole police station scene is full of Old married couple moments

"There are two things that I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay." And then they were voted best chemestry couple like Bert and Ernie. Just saying. (16:23) "Two, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch... let's go."... and Cas just follows Dean like nothing, but later on...

... Cas is beyond terrified at the idea of being intimate with a woman (11:24),

tho he followed Dean with no problem. ... Did... did he think Dean was making an offer?

He chugs down a beer in fear, poor baby

And he is so jumpy I'm dying

Dean admits Cas is the only one who has made him laugh for real in years (20:58), also, shoulder hug, and Cas, who was on the verge of tears a moment earlier, is smiling and comfortable now.

"Don't look at me, it was his idea." (26:57) the look Cas gives Dean, they're so fucking #MARRIED

"Today you're my little bitch." "... What he said!" Dean is impressed and amused by Cas' smugness (and top energy) (31:55) Basically "Well, mark me down as scared and horny!"

Dean understands how Cas feels, and wants to help. He says he feels good with him "I've had more fun with you in the past 24h that I've had with Sam in years... and you're not that much fun." (36:06) Dean doesn't want to be alone, didn't want Cas to leave.

Episode 4:

Dean sounds and looks like a teenager on the phone with their crush, teasing Cas while smiling softly (1:22). Also "I'll just... wait here then." (2:15)

Even as a mortal, Cas stuck with Dean through the apocalypse, living in pain, chugging down drugs, but never leaving Dean's side. Being his second during hunts. Having only each other

And this Cas can recognize this Dean is not his own only by glancing at him for a moment (... by looking at his dick?!) (18:37)

Dean is stunned and concerned about apocalypse!Cas and how his life turned out

Apocalypse!Cas sits like Dean. Aww, they've been rubbing off on each other [yeah, I bet] (22:27)

"I like past you!" and that smile. So sweet and nostalgic (25:35)

This whole scene (23:48). They are so #MARRIED

Dean is concerned about Cas doing drugs, being basically depressed and living like shit (28:03)

Cas saves Dean again. "We had an appointment." "...Don't ever change." and the way they stare at each other (38:49) look at those smiles and how longingly Cas looks at Dean

Episode 8:

Not a destiel moment, but Dean is totally BI: (12:04); "Sure" (12:42); "What makes Dr Sexy, SEXY, is that he wears cowboy boots!" (12:57); and Dean loves cowboys, just saying

Is... is Dean thinking about Cas being pretty? And about the fact that a creepy guy just called his angel 'pretty'? (20:26)

First thing Dean requests Gabe does is to bring Cas back, threatening him

Episode 9:

Dean reacting to Damien and Barnes being a couple is... LOL (36:27) and after that (38:40), he is on his own, fiddling with his keys, smiling to himself. And when Sam asks if he is okay, he responds "Yeah, you know? I think I'm good." while still smiling to himself. Is he happy about an queer man portraying him, about seeing himself in a confident, openly queer man in a relationship? What else could it be?

Episode 13:

Dean gets more and more worried when Cas gets/is hurt (9:45)(38:02). Also, he got Cas a honeymoon suite. Wow. How sweet.

Episode 14:

The phone call scene. The stares, the tension... look at this shit (10:00)

Dean, stop checking out Cas. You're working. But seriously, look at him. He likes his roughness. AND AGAIN WITH THE LIPS STARING (11:02)

Dean and Cas, after being touched by a cherub, stand shoulder-to-shoulder close to each other, in front of a bi-coloured window (13:26-13:33) I MEAN- Also, Dean, you're staring at a naked man's dong... just saying (13:33-13:36)... stop that, be a professional

Is this the first wink Dean gives at Cas? (14:37) for real? With a cherub in the room? Wow.

(16:16) "Where did he go?" "I belive you upset him." Look at Cas during this scene. #MARRIED

Cas asks Dean where his Famine-induced-hunger is, why he seems unaffected by it... and Dean stares at Cas, then the burger he is holding, then back at him, like he has everything he could want right there, in his Baby (29:22)

Episode 16:

... I'm sorry, but... did Cas really have to MOAN Dean's name to get his attention? (5:24)

I believe this is the first time we ever hear Dean say the words "I love you" (14:38-28:09), and he is saying them to Sam. The only other time we hear him say it is to his mother in 12x22. And the only other person he was supposed to say those words to was, in fact, Cas in 8x17. Let that sink in.

"You son of a bitch." Dean's been rubbing off on Cas, and this is not the only line he has picked up from Dean (38:29)

Episode 17:

This is such a sweet scene. Cas is showing himself weak once again, and Dean sympathises with him, reassures him, confides in him. How sweet. (30:17) ICWAW, this would be seen as a romantic bonding moment

Episode 18:

Cas legit looks like an angry wife. Look how pissed he is at Dean (6:19) #MARRIED

This is such a #MARRIED scene, with Cas being pissy at Dean "being a coward". Also "Yeah, you know what? Blow me, Cas!" and his look after that, like "Does... does he actually want me to?" (13:22)

and this is not the last 'sexual invitation' Dean makes Cas. In fact, minutes later...

"Cas, not for nothing, but, the last person who looked at me like that... I got laid. *wink*" ... just... that (17:53). ICWAW, people would believe this was flirtatious, SHAMELESS, teasing

Look at that FULL TOP MODE tho

"I gave everything for you, and this is what you give to me?" (25:28) Cas is not just angry at Dean for giving up on the plan, but for giving up on life, on them. "So you could surrender to them?" (25:17) not "So you can let them win". It could've been phrased that way, but this is not about the angels winning. It's about Dean giving up on them. Cas is 'cause Dean would be selfishly leaving them

Cas starts taking off his tie and... Dean just stares (31:46). Moments later, we find out Cas totally took his shirt off in front of the boys to make the banishing simbol on his chest, and by the way Dean was STARING when it was only a tie, I bet he either gawked or averted his eyes. Either way, GAY

Cas prefers to die rather than watch Dean fail and die himself (31:55) Also, Sam still thinks of Dean as a hero who can do no wrong, while Cas recognizes his flaws and weaknesses. He knows Dean

Zachariah grabs Dean by the collar and gets in his face. Dean does nothing but flinch a little, mantaining his strong appearance. He only submits and looks overwhelmed when Cas does it (37:50)

Episode 19:

Cas is priority to Dean over Adam. He's more family to him than his actual blood (5:29)

Episode 21:

Cas is basically human, bloody, hurt, powerless and weak. First thing he does? Reach out for Dean (3:16)

Cas is still weak and powerless, and took a bus for miles, just to get back to Dean (12:35)

Episode 22:

Moments before basically going and kill himself, Dean focuses on Cas instead of Bobby, his father figure (24:35)

Cas is on the verge of tears at the thought of Dean dying (25:20)

We know Cas can heal without having to touch the body, but we always see him reach for contact with Dean (35:52) [That's why in S15, it hurts to see Cas not touching Dean while healing him. It feels unnatural]

Dean loves cowboys, and associates Cas to a sheriff. Cas, knowing that, smiles softly at the idea(37:30). Also, Dean obviously doesn't want Cas to leave, and tears up when he does

[Season 6>>]

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-One [PT. 2]

Words: 2.5K

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse, mentions of domestic abuse

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"Your little one is here as of right now." Dr. Telille says, pointing to a very little area to the far side of my womb and I smile before she switches the focus slightly and then looks at the screen with a slightly odd look before flipping through my chart. "At your previous Obstetrician, did they mention any abnormalities?" She asks me. 

"No." I shake my head. 

"You said in your history you've had recurrent miscarriages?" She asks next. 

"Yes." 

"Okay, Mrs. Sixx, don't be alarmed by this because there is a solution but this," she turns the screen to me again, pointing at a shadow in the picture that looks like it's creating bunny ears or something. "Is a layer of tissue that's not supposed to be there. It halts fetal growth, and ultimately causes miscarriages, often times even before a fetus is interacting with the tissue itself, physically." She informs me and I feel like my chest is throbbing from how hard my heart is beating. "The good news is that we can fix this, I've had to do a few surgeries like this before--we can go in and cut that tissue out without disturbing your baby, but we will need to have it done within the next week--two weeks at the most." She explains and I raise my brows. 

"What's my chance of carrying out my pregnancy to term without the surgery?" I ask, trying to stay calm. 

"With a successful surgery, there is a 80% chance of you carrying it to term, and a higher chance at not facing as many pregnancy difficulties in the future like you've had previously. Without the surgery, with your history, it's very, very probable that you won't get to four months without miscarrying--if that far." She adds. 

"What's the risk of this surgery causing complications?" I ask next. 

"30%." She replies and I breathe out. "You don't have to make a decision today, you can go home and think about it and talk about it with the father but we need to get it scheduled in the next few days." 

"Um, o-okay…" I rub my lips together. 

"And if you are interested in the surgery, we can go ahead and send it in and see if insurance will cover it." She assures me. 

"I don't have maternity insurance right now." I tell her and she looks at me uneasily. 

"No worries, we can figure the costs out after you decide if you want it or not." She tells me, calmly, and I just nod. 

I numbed myself. I would've been freaking out, having a meltdown, begging God to spare my damn baby for once...but as soon as she started in on what was wrong with me, the negative outcomes...I flicked the switch in my brain and just let myself feel absolutely nothing as best as I could. My nervousness was relief compared to blatant breakdown mode that I knew would hit inevitably.

And how the hell did I tell Duff and Nikki that I was going to need surgery that could potentially terminate my pregnancy--or suffer what I'd suffered before and still lose a baby? Oh, right. I didn't. At least, not as soon as I probably should have.

When I get to my new little house I'm renting with my savings, Duff's sitting on the little porch, drinking a beer. 

"How'd it go?" He asks me, standing up as I unlock the door. 

He couldn't go with me this time because he had to go look at a couple houses with Mandy, which I understand because they had already canceled once with a real-estate agent and would get charged extra if they missed another appointment. 

"Good." I lie, clearing my throat. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." 

Whisky's barking at us until he realizes it's me, and then he won't get out from under my feet until I pat him on the head. 

"I need to finish unpacking." I say before Duff can ask anymore questions. 

"Well, it's your lucky day because I know how to unpack." He states, grinning. 

I go change into pajamas and when I get back, he's pulling pictures from one of the boxes, neatly placing them on the coffee table in the living room and I pick them up and start figuring out where to put them. 

"So, my family really wants me to bring you up." He says, optimistically. "I was thinking leave Sunday and come back next Saturday."

"...Duff, I can't just up and leave right now. I have to finish unpacking, and I'm gonna be meeting with Nikki once a week and then him and the guys once a week so that's two different…" I trail off as he cuts open another one of my packed boxes with his pocket knife, a look of disappointment on his face. "...It's not that I don't want to, you know. I just have a lot going on right now." 

"We'd just be gone for a week." He says, looking at me. "It's the only time off I have for a while since we're doing a few shows in New York and Europe." He adds. "And I really want my family to know you, kinda, before you have the baby." 

"I don't know." I hesitantly tell him and he licks his lips. "I don't know, Duff, okay? I just...ughhh." I groan, raking my hands through my hair. 

"If you don't want to meet my family then don't worry about it, Vivian." He says it a little passive aggressively and I raise my brows. 

"'Vivian'? Since when the hell am I 'Vivian'?" I ask, mimicking his tone. 

"That's your name isn't it?" He asks next and I cross my arms.

"You usually call me 'Viv', or...something…"

"Well, I'm not calling you, 'babe,' or, 'baby,' since we aren't dating anymore so…"

"You're being a dick." 

"I'm not being a dick. I'm just family oriented and I want my family to know you and our kid and you're making up excuses to not go and meet them."

"Excuse me for not wanting to be judged." I snap back. 

"They're not fucking judgemental." 

"Oh, so you're cussing at me now, too, huh?" 

"Quit trying to start an argument." He tells me. 

"I'm not starting an argument, I'm making a valid point." 

"You're making an assumption." He corrects me. "My family isn't judgemental. They're really not. I don't even think they're worried with the fact that you were married when we got together because they haven't said a word about it. They just want to meet you." 

"Matt didn't seem so cool about it." I mumble. 

"Matt was trying to keep both of us out of trouble." He explains. "He wasn't judging you. He just doesn't like drama and if we would've gotten caught he knew it'd just be a bunch of bullshit we'd have to get thrown at us." 

I just stare at him. 

"And I'm sorry for cussing at you, but I'm trying to be positive about all of this and I really don't want you to start bringing in your negativity." He exhales. 

"My negativity?" I raise my brows, laughing humorlessly. 

"Please, just come to Seattle with me next Sunday. I promise it'll be fun and my family's fun, they don't mean any harm by wanting you to come up and visit--they're already talking about planning a trip when it's born to be here for you and me both for a few days." He adds. 

I think about it, seeing his eyes glint a little as he slowly smiles at me like a hopeful puppy. 

"Okay." I relent and he puts his hands above his head, folding them together, letting out a loud, "Hallelujah!" and I roll my eyes, trying to hold back a chuckle. 

The truth is, I don't want to leave Nikki stewing that long after revealing to him my miscarriages. He never came back when he left the therapy session yesterday, and I was supposed to go back today but decided I needed another day to just think about everything, but because of Amber's schedule, we won't be able to get back in the same room together--aside from me just visiting him--until next Wednesday...but with Duff wanting to leave Sunday and come back that Saturday, I won't be able to meet then, either. A part of me isn't even sorry that I won't make it since the morale of Nikki's story is that he married a maestro of manipulation that can play victim like no other but is really an evil bitch who loves to make people suffer. 

I gathered that after reading: 

"I married a fucking demon."

"Vivian climbed from hell just to neuter me." 

"My wife's a fucking lunatic." 

"I sometimes think Vivian's waiting for me to die so she can get the money." 

"I hate her." 

"I don't know what's killing me faster: my looney wife, or smack. Doesn't matter--they're both my drug of choice." 

"If she didn't know how to fuck I would've already left her." 

"She flushed every bit of what Jason dropped off last night. Cost me a couple grand. I'm so pissed, if I knew she wouldn't beat the shit out of me and go batshit-ballistic, I'd lay her out on the fucking floor. I'm sure it'd be like foreplay in her sick mind, anyway." 

"I swear she cums every time she belittles me." 

And, my personal favorite: 

"Just woke up from a fucking nightmare. I was fucking around with Vivian and Vanity and once they got their satisfaction they started eating me alive while talking about their love for God. Even with them gnawing on me alive with their shark-like teeth and their completely black eyes, stripping flesh from my bone and going at it like a fucking pork chop, I was turned on. But as soon as they started about God, how good and wonderful he was, that's when I started panicking a little that I OD'd without realizing it and was in hell or some fucking incarnation of it. I see now that's how they both got me, being hot and knowing exactly what to do to get me going. And now they're both sucking the life out of me, eating me alive, while praying to their God and acting like they're blameless in my destruction. CHICKS = TROUBLE." 

At least we both agree that we married demons.

It was strange for me to realize how he saw me--well, how Sikki saw me. Once I was able to differentiate between the two of them, it hurt less reading what he'd write about me. It was just confusing. 

One page would be an entire rant (with unflattering, random song lyrics to match) about something I did that pissed him off--sometimes things I wouldn't even realize I did to make him upset and then the next page would be decently positive things about me that he'd profess after waking up sort of sober…

I knew he felt guilty about how he treated me, most of the entries from the end of '83 to '87 had "I'm an asshole" or "I really fucked up" or some version of it in them but the deeper into '87 he got, the less and less apologetic he got. Both in real time and his dairies. 

Despite the black and white of his diaries, one thing still lingered in the grey area…

I stare at the little TV on my dresser, bowl of captain crunch in hand as I stuff my face while flipping channels, Whisky gnawing on his chew toy as a flickering, fuzzy and static blaring familiar face flashes across the screen as I turn to the next channel. My heart stops for a moment, my finger immediately going back, the screen and audio clearing as I see her. 

Clear eyed and competent. A far removal from what I last saw of her with her gnashing teeth and tortured eyes, spewing at Nikki and I both before he and her got into a fight that left her dragged down the stairs of our old house...guilt tugs at me, remembering the look on her face, the pain, the hurt...perhaps she felt as bad as I did about the situation. 

He was the one telling her he was going to leave me and marry her, after all. My feury swallowed him before it ever thought about swallowing her. 

"...I'm currently looking at other scripts for other films." She replies very calm and composed to whatever question her interviewer was asking...I'm assuming this is part of her press run for her new movie coming out. 

"If you could write a ticket for yourself, Vanity, what would it be?" The woman asks next and she furrows her brows, slightly. 

"Write a ticket? To go somewhere?" 

"No, write a ticket for the rest of your life, and your career. Just everything about your life." She explains. 

"Ohhh," She thinks a moment before shaking her head slightly. "I wouldn't want to do that, actually, because, um, everytime I turn around something new's happening. I'm a very spontaneous person. I just like to get up and go, and I've been doing that since I was fifteen...so, um, I couldn't say I'd like to write that ticket." She chuckles a little, but not the crack-cackle I was used to seeing in her past interviews. 

She's actually sober here. 

"I just wanna go wherever life takes me." She continues. 

"What you're saying then, is, you couldn't write a ticket because what you would write wouldn't be as good as what could happen?" 

"No, I don't--"

"--No?"

"No, I don't think that, I'm not saying that at all. I feel that I have certain goals in my life. Very big, big, dreams that I set for myself. But I wouldn't wanna, um, question God's way about where he's going with me." She states. "That's just...not me." 

"If you could go back and change anything--"

"--Nothing." Vanity says, biting her lip nervously, shaking her head. 

"Any of the decisions?"

"Nothing." 

"Wouldn't change a thing?" 

"Nothing." She buckles down on it and I feel my eyes gloss over. "Wouldn't change a thing…" she trails off, thinking for a second. "...Can't say that I would." She adds, softly. "Because each time that I've done something, whether it be a mistake in my life, it's always...what you might call a mistake in my life is never a mistake to me. It was a definite meant to be and it was a definite learning process. So all the pain and all the glory...I wouldn't change a thing."

She's so unapologetically sincere. 

I cut the TV off as they start closing out the interview, and toss the remote across the room, losing my appetite and putting my bowl on my nightstand before I allow myself to replay what she just said. 

And I cry, not because she was in a relationship with him, not because she tried to steal him from me...I cry because I regret everything. I regret marrying Nikki. I regret meeting Duff. I regret getting pegnant. 

I'm not angry at her.

I envy her.

[dembenchboys]

well I gotta rant for a sec. so I was having a whole bunch of symptoms & signs of adhd and my mom kept denying it no matter how much I brought it up and it was hella weird. so I made a doctors appointment to talk to my dr about it and see what was going on. So I sat down and we started talking about it and he literally said "you are aware you have it right?" and I was like huh because i've never been tested for it. and he literally went "yeah you got diagnosed at age 5 right before JK your mom just never wanted you on the medication" SO THIS WOMAN HAS KNOWN MY WHOLE LIFE THAT I HAVE IT AND HASNT DONE SHIT ABOUT IT. and she can't understand why im mad. She's the same person who docent let me have any Advil or anything. (fun fact never had any of that stuff and ive broken bones) but she can't understand why i'm mad and just keeps saying "you don't need any of that medication solve it your own way without meds" like the audacity is mind boggling. She has literally lied to me my whole life and im like beyond pissed. She also won't get her second covid shot. like she's down right refusing and u just dint understand. this mom pushes my button every mother fucking day

[princebugs]

A meeting with Niles.

Quivering digits rub and scratch at the back of his own neck, goosebumps rising as his eyes shift from corner to corner. He swallows, the nervous lump in his throat dissipating for only mere moments before quickly arising once more. His movements remain shaky, and shifty. He feels nervosa creeping up his spine leisurely, causing his hyperactivity to skyrocket. Remaining still is no easy task.

The male can almost discern a feeling of eyes on the back of his brunette tresses, watching him from the shadowed corner of the room. Perhaps a figure is awaiting the perfect time to pounce on the human and rip his throat out, at a pace fast enough that he wouldn't scream--- no one would hear his death. He whips his head in that direction, his heart pounding against his chest.

Cue a sigh of relief.

It's just dust. It's just dust, Gavin. Can't hurt you. Maybe fuck with your allergies a bit, but it won't hurt you. You're probably just crazy, like your uncle Kevin--- he still lives in that shed, right? Still talking about those damned 'creatures of the night', hiding in there with a shotgun with hopes that he'll be the one to kill 'em.

Maybe you'll be like that soon, if these delusions go any farther.

A sound of a doorknob clicking interrupts his thoughts and causes the male to jump in his seat, right forearm raising in a defensive manner before realizing that it was only his new therapist, clad in a black turtleneck and black pants.

When did he get here?

Gavin briefly takes a glance down at himself, and is just a slight bit pissed at himself for not dressing nicer.

If this was anything but a therapy session where Gavin would have to speak openly about his mental problems, he would have dressed better. He didn't see the point of wearing something appealing when it was just therapy, and his therapist was most likely going to be some old man or young female that he didn't need to impress.

Sadly for him, the male was definitely not an old man. He looked, roughly, around Gavin's age--- yet he had the sort of timeless face that could pass for a nineteen-year-old. The turtleneck's sleeves were pushed up to his elbows. Gavin usually considers turtlenecks "phckin' ugly" but this guy has changed the definition for him.

And he was overwhelmingly pale. Did he never go outside?

Lesson learned. Wear cute clothes EVERYWHERE.

“Mr. Reed?“ A voice brings Gavin out of his train of thought, and he notices that the male is no longer standing, and is, in fact, sitting right in the position ahead of him, with his head tilted in slight concern as well as confusion.

Dammit.

“Shit, ah,“ Gavin struggles to push away his thoughts for the time being, his nails scratching at the back of his neck as he awkwardly laughs half-heartedly. “Yeah, yeah. That's me, alright.“

The therapist merely emits a soft chuckle, though his mind seems to be elsewhere. He doesn't know for sure, but he thinks that he's making a mental note of some sort--- probably from his behavior. This feels almost like a job interview, and that makes Gavin straighten out his back and lock eye-contact with the male across from him, his cerulean optics now gazing into steel hues. This, however, prompts another brief snicker from him.

“This isn't a professional setting, Mr. Reed. You can sit however you see fit; it is better that you feel comfortable while we converse with one another.“

Gavin's brows furrow together in exiguous uncertainty--- this man spoke like he was reading from a college art essay. Though he said it wasn't professional, it almost felt like it was; like Gavin was being judged for every single movement he followed through with.

It was almost as if he was being ordered to feel more comfortable, which is the most awkward thing ever. It puts on pressure, and makes the situation even more uncomfortable. Nonetheless, Gavin leans back, slouching a modest amount whilst placing his elbows on the back of the couch he sat upon. He stared ahead with half-lidded eyes, and his therapist was studying his body language the entire time.

Gavin would consider this creepy, but it's alright because it's his therapist.

“I'm Dr. Anderson, but you can just refer to me as Niles,“ His therapist--Niles-- begins, his nimble fingers picking up a set of reading glasses and placing them on his visage for a few moments to seemingly read Gavin's file, then setting both the glasses and the file down on the table in front of him. “How about you tell me why you set this urgent appointment with me, hm?“

His voice was smooth, like velvet draped across pale skin. It brought chills down Gavin's back. Compared to how coarse and rough Gavin's voice was, Niles' voice was soothing.

Calm down, dude. This isn't a therapy session for questioning your sexuality. Reply to his question, fucknut!

“Yeah, sure, sure. Uh, where do I fuckin' start?“ Again, Gavin laughs to release some tension, and when the room is silent, he coughs. And continues. “Hah, erm... well, I've been having these weird delusions and feelings of someone watching me. Paranoia, or whatever. I can't sleep, either.“

The concept of therapy wasn't really Gavin's thing; the idea of sharing all of his thoughts with another person was just plain idiotic, in his opinion. He'd much rather keep his feelings to himself, but since his mother called him out of the blue and informed him that she had scheduled an appointment with an "experienced therapist with good reviews" (which sounded shady as hell) because she was worried.

Truth is, he couldn't blame her for being worried. He had shut himself in his apartment, and wasn't even going to work the majority of the time. And when he did go to work, he only got sent home because he continuously kept falling asleep at his desk. Probably because he doesn't feel the eyes on him as he sleeps at work.

“Interesting,“ Niles bobbed his cranium in confirmation, his weight now leaning back as he crosses his arms over one another. He always seems like he is analyzing Gavin in some way.

Weird as fuck.

“So, perhaps you could be having some sort of stalker, or PTSD from something happening to you in the pa--“

“No, no. It's not like that.“

Niles seems suddenly interested and more inclined to listen, his head once again now tilted to the side in curiosity as his brows raise upwards. “Oh?“

Gavin gulped--- the aura that this guy gave off was intimidating as hell, and it was difficult to trust him. “Yeah, like... if it was something like that, then wouldn't I feel some sort of recognition kind of thing? Stalkers are usually people that the person knows personally or knew personally, and PTSD... don't think that's applicable to this situation. I don't think it's that.“

“Elaborate.“

“If it was PTSD, then it wouldn't feel so... so...“ He struggled to search and find the correct vocabulary, the right words-- it was on the tip of his tongue. His eyebrows knit together in comprehension, irises looking down at the couch as he--

“Real?“

Niles' tone is almost demanding in generality; it causes Gavin to shudder and almost cower in fear. Momentarily, he remembers how stern his father's voice was, how it terrified him to his core. Fear can make anyone curl in on themselves.

Gavin nods his head, his grey-blue hues now gazing out the large-sized window located directly to his left, watching as doves fly away. “Y-- yeah. Real. I've experienced PTSD before, and it's nothing like that, at least not this time. It's inhuman, almost. Like... like someone, some thing is going to pounce on me at any second. I don't feel safe in my apartment by myself. Hah, I even had a little moment in here before you got here--- thought something was in the corner.“

His therapist only stares, bobbing his head every now and then as a way to show that he was listening. Though, it didn't seem like it. It was as if he already knew everything that Gavin was saying. He identifies a sudden feeling of recognition--- one that chills Gavin to his very core.

“I, uh--- have I met you before?“ The detective leans forward now, setting his elbows on his knees. He can feel the shadows under his eyes growing deeper-- is that normal? How long had it been since he had slept? Gavin's calloused phalanges weave through his brunette locks, then gripping them tightly. “God, I must be going crazy. Of course, I haven't seen you anywhere--- what am I thinking? Turnin' into Uncle Kev-- I've been seein' shit that just isn't there. It's probably just sleep deprivation, and this therapy session won't do anything, I'm just wastin' my ti--“

“Here, walk with me outside,“ His incoherent rambling is cut short by Niles' request.

Gavin's pate raises upwards, catching sight of the therapist's outstretched palm, reaching for him. Motioning for Gavin to take his hand. His eyes lock with Niles.

“Wowza! Hand-holding? At least take me out to dinner first, eh?“ Gavin internally slaps himself. Meanwhile, Niles just rolls his eyes. Not in an annoyed way--- in an amused manner. Phew, Gavin didn't scare away his therapist.

“Come on, you said that being in here made you have a little 'fit' as well, right? Perhaps being out instead of holed inside your apartment will make you feel better, in some fashion?“

Gavin ponders about his next move, though it didn't seem much like a request at this point. Niles just seemed like he was politely ordering him to go outside. Reluctantly, he places his tan-colored hand in Niles' pale palm, letting his hand envelop over Gavin's and pull him up to his feet abruptly.

---------------------------

They meandered around the perimeter of the building for several moments, neither of them uttering a single word the duration of their walk. Gavin wasn't particularly skilled at breaking the ice when it came to long periods of silence similar to this; he would usually make it worse, actually. Saying something that would be so unexpected that it catches the recipient off-guard, or something that just makes the air between them extremely awkward all of the sudden.

Eventually, Gavin can't stand it anymore. He coughs to clear his throat up, his hand clenching into a fist for him to cough into for a few moments before scratching at the back of his neck again, and again.

“So, like, you have any family around this area, or are you new to Detroit?“

Greaaat question, Gavin. What if he has no family, and you just brought up shitty memories? GOOD GOIN', PRICK.

Niles hums. “I am relatively new here, but my brother lives here with me. You probably saw him whilst walking around the building, yes? Shorter than me, brown eyes?“

Gavin recalls seeing someone who fit that description. “Yeah, that's your brother?“

“Indeed, he is. He's... a little brat sometimes, prefers to do his own thing, but he's still family. We had to move rather abruptly due to some... sudden consequences of our actions, I suppose. Nothing for you to worry about.“

That bewildered Gavin, but he decided not to press further.

Luckily, Niles kept the conversation going. If the silence began once more, Gavin thought he could die.

“You mentioned an uncle earlier?“

Right, during his ramble.

“Yeah, hahah--- Uncle Kevin. He's like, the weird family member, y'know? The one who lives in a shed with a shotgun--- claiming that he'll prevent the apocalypse by killing the bloodsuckers, or something like that,“ Gavin laughs at this, yet Niles is silent.

“How peculiar. Bloodsuckers, you say?“ Niles inclines his head towards Gavin, his arms remaining behind his back as he walked. “What do you think of that?“

Gavin's face scrunches up, emitting a confused noise before sighing softly, remembering that this was a therapy session after all. “I dunno, man. Frankly, I think the idea of vampires existing is stupid as fuck, actually. Like, wasn't it just a myth, or fairytale? Or something like that. Nonetheless, it's hella dumb, and I don't believe in it one bit. If I ever saw a vampire in front of my face, I'd probably call it ugly and scream.“

Niles does laugh at this. “Be careful about what you say, Mr. Reed, you never know who, or what, might be listening.“

The way he said this caused shivers to go down Gavin's back. He sneered at Niles, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and emitting a disgruntled huff. “Don't even joke about that shit, man. I mean, I may find it funny, but the way you say that shit just makes me feel hella uneasy.“

“What if I told you that you should be feeling uneasy right now, Gavin?“ Niles' tone is almost playful, like a cat playing with its prey before chomping down on it.

Gavin just emits a confused noise in return. “Huh?“ He should be feeling uneasy? Why is that such a... weird statement to make?

“I'm just messing with you-- a mere jest. Everyone feels uneasy with their new therapist; that's a sign that you're normal, Gavin.“

Exhaling a soft suspire of relief. “See, when you're all serious like that all the time, I can't even tell the difference between the real seriousness and the fake. That's what makes me feel uneasy.“

“That's how life really is, though. No one can distinguish reality from dream, but we believe that we can. How sure are you right now that you are in reality? At this exact moment, do you know if I am real, or a figment of your imagination?“ The taller male stops in his tracks, and Gavin struggles to stammer out his reply.

Gavin turns his head to Niles.

“I-- I'm totally freaked right now, dude. You're gettin' all... weird. How the fuck did we go from talkin' about vampires to--- this??“

“Gavin. Keep your windows unlocked at night, okay? It's extremely difficult for someone to break a window in a quiet manner. And it just becomes a hassle to clean up later on...“

What the fuck?

Gavin has no time to respond, Niles speeds up and just walks away with a mere wink and a smirk with relatively sharp canine teeth for a human. Remarkably, Niles had no shadow. Weird, weird, weird. Everything about Niles was weird and unexplainable.

Gavin is left on the pavement outside the building with no one around him, awkwardly standing there. He didn't know where to go. Should he follow Niles? No, no--- Gavin didn't want to be around him anymore.

He must look pathetic, wanting to run away and cry to his mother about what had just occurred--- but he'll do it nonetheless.

There was only one thing that Gavin knew from his first and last encounter with his therapist.

He's locking the windows.

---------------------------------------

ALSO POSTED ON AO3:

[goddessofthundathighs]

II. ON THE EDGE

O’Shea rushed home, eager to try out the toy Dr. Stevens had all but shoved into her vagina himself. She weaved through traffic, pushing her Porsche as fast as it would go until she reached the driveway of her beachside condo. She clutched the toy box tight in her left hand as she fumbled with her key with the right. She had barely crossed the threshold before she was stripping out of her duster and heading to the bathroom. The way Dr. Stevens had described the toy and its functions had Bennie jumping at the chance to put it to use. After reading the packaging and learning that her new toy was waterproof, O’Shea ran herself a hot bath and dropped in one of the bath bomb melts Skylar had gotten her from LUSH. Her favorite so far was the golden egg which left her skin glowing a beautiful golden bronze and smelling like toffee. She turned off all the lights and lit vanilla scented candles before stripping and submerging herself into the bath.

“Alexa, play the Créme de La Pénis playlist.” The device whirred to life and soon the sounds of Imagination by Eric Bellinger filled the space.

Girl come through and let’s do what we do in your imagination

When I’m gone show me how you pretend

How do you bend your knees

How do you arch your back

How do you scream my name when we’re in your imagination

O’Shea rubbed the warm water all over her skin, admiring the golden glitter shimmer the bath melt gave her skin. Her nipples perked at the sensation of the water running down her body and it was then that she unwrapped her toy. She brought it up to her face and threatened it, letting it know that it had better work because the good doctor swore by it and that it had been almost 6 months since her last real orgasm. She squirted a generous amount of the special lube over the tip of the toy before using a hand to massage it in in a firm, stroking motion. For a split second, she could’ve sworn she felt it throb in her palm.

“Get a grip, Shea, it’s just a dildo,” she told herself before lowering it to her center. She teased her clit slowly, rubbing the toy back and forth before finally flipping it to its first setting and slipping it in. The moan she let out was almost animalistic. The way the toy pulsed and throbbed in her wetness was unlike any other toy she had ever used. True to the good doctor’s word, 20 seconds in and she could feel her orgasm building.

“Oh.. OH! This just… might.. Yes.. YES!” she moaned louder as her she neared her peak. And just as quickly as the sensation started, it stopped.

“Wait, what?” O’Shea’s eyes bucked in confusion as she pulled the device from her center only to find that it had turned itself off.

“What the fuck?” she asked angrily, shaking the device vigorously before turning it back on. Once the humming began again, she returned it to her core, only for it to turn off once again as she neared her peak. Frustrated, she finished her bath, and took the device to her bedroom.

“Maybe it needs batteries,” she thought aloud as she rummaged through her toy drawer. She always kept a fresh pack of Energizers for just such an occasion. She removed the battery cap and replaced the old batteries with the new ones. After coating her skin with her homemade whipped shea butter, she repeated the actions from her bath, coating the device with the lube before plunging it back into her core. Her eyes fell closed as she rocked her hips back and forth, feeling the vibrations surge through her whole body.

“Oh, fuck yes!” She screamed as euphoria coursed through her veins. “Yes.. yes.. Right there,” she pleaded as she inched closer and closer to Nirvana and then --

“Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”

“Patience, young one,” Erik chuckled from his spot behind his desk. He had been watching the camera on the inside of the device since she began using it just to see if what Shuri had said about the device was true. Sure enough, within 30 seconds of use, she was almost to the finish line.. That is until he pressed the button in his left hand.

“You’ll cum when I want you to, Ms. Powell, and trust me, it’ll be worth the wait.”

--

The following morning began like many for O’Shea. She woke, got dressed, grabbed a coffee from Starbucks and made her way to the toy store. She found Skylar in her office in the middle of a FaceTime call with Dr. Stevens.

“Let me call you back, she just walked in,” Skylar said before ending the call. She looked up at O’Shea with a wide smile that wasn’t returned before delving into what had been burning in the back of her mind.

“Sooooo, how did it go?”

“First of all bitch, fuck you for not telling me that man was that fine. I almost came just looking at him.”

“Yeah, he tends to have that effect on women.”

“Second of all, he called me a little.. Mmm.. I can’t even finish it ‘cuz it doesn’t sound the same coming from anyone else anymore. That man is sex on legs. How in the hell have you not tapped that?”

“Because for one, Erik is my best friend and business partner. Sex would only complicate things, and for two, I’m not really for male consumption.” Oh well that makes sense. Shea had always wondered why she never saw her boss with a male companion or why she never seemed to drool over Erik the way every other woman tended to, but never felt compelled to ask.

“Third of all, he recommended me this contraption, claiming that it was gonna make me cum in 30 seconds, but every time I got close the stupid thing turned off!” She angrily threw the toy onto Sky’s desk before flopping down in one of the desk chairs in defeat. Sky took the time to examine the device before bursting out unto a soul-touching laugh.

“That sneaky bastard,” she said between her giggles.

“Care to let me in on the joke?” O’Shea asked, irritation painted on her face as she failed to find the humor in her current situation.

“I take it you didn’t read the packaging before using this.”

“No, why?”

“This device is one of our biggest sellers among BDSM couples. It’s remote controlled and designed for edging.” O’Shea stood dumbfounded as Skylar continued her explanation.

“How long did it take for it to turn off?”

“30 seconds.”

“And you just assumed an inanimate toy would know the exact patterns to get you off in 30 seconds? Come on now, Shea, you’re smarter than that.”

“So how exactly did it know to turn off?”

“That can be answered in two ways: either the timer was set or someone had the remote.”

“Remote?!” O’Shea asked, sounding like a female Soulja Boy.

“Yes, remote. This is why we read packages and instructions. I bet you didn't know there was a camera built into the toy. Says so right here on the box. Implanted right in the shaft, see?” O’Shea was pissed. She let that fine ass man seduce his way into putting a camera in her vagina and control her orgasms. There had to be some sort of law against that. Can she go off on her doctor? Does it really matter?

“I’ma kill him.”

“No you aren’t. That toy was for research purposes and you signed a waiver stating your willingness to be a subject of testing. Bet you didn't read that either.” O’Shea vaguely remembered the details of the NDA as she thought back to the previous day in Dr. Stevens office.

“I can’t believe you, Sky. He invaded my privacy and you’re defending him?!”

“He didn’t invade anything, you just didn’t read. And whose fault is that?” O’Shea looked down at the floor as Sky continued scolding her.

“At least I know now if I want to hide something from you to put it in print and let Erik present it to you.”

“So what am I supposed to do now, go back?”

“Ummm, yes. Last time I checked, you still can’t cum.”

“I'd be pussy deep in my own Tropicana juices if he hadn't rigged my toy so what are you saying? I think I just might cuss him out. Yes, he needs to hear my mouth as a frustrated test subject.”

“And I guarantee you that by the time you’re done, your mouth is gonna be full of his dick.”

O'Shea hesitated. “Maybe so,” she pouted as she walked back to the front of the store, Erik’s number on the display of her phone.

“Maybe my ass,” Skylar countered as she watched with a smirk.

“Good afternoon, Ms. Powell. I was awaiting your call.”

“I bet you were Dr. Nigga. Did I truly consent to cameras in my pussy? Oh, and do you think it's cute, edging your patients all damn night? You sick, sadistic man.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but edging and voyeurism are both on your long list of kinks, are they not?”

Did she truly mind? She wasn't sure. O'Shea felt the heat of her near-orgasms returning. She had been left wanting and this man was hitting all of the right buttons. She had the mind to make a trip and confront him face to face. Bennie was of that same mind.

“You mad, huh? You wanna come to my office so you can voice your frustrations face to face, don’t you?” He was doing it again, dropping his voice to that panty-wetting octave that made her mind foggy.

“Words, O’Shea,” he scolded.

“I'm booking an appointment.”

“No need, I’ll clear my schedule just for you, Princess.” Fuck. He wasn’t making this easy and once again, he had O’Shea right where he wanted her.

“I’m on my way,” she said in a rush. This situation of hers was getting handled one way or another.

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[his-country-princess]

Okay.. so here's how my day has gone. I wasnt feeling well.. Go outside and find my donkeys sheath is super swollen.. local vet gives me bullshit about no appointments til later in the week when I already stated this was borderline emergency. So called the vet who gelded him, assistant who answered phone agrees and sets me up for an appt in at 415 to 430. It was 315, I still had to hook up a trailer and drive almost 60 miles.

Of course, cause time crunch, I couldnt back up to the trailer for shit (it took less than 5 minutes but it pissed me off cause where the trailer sits you have to back in at an angle to hook it up) - get it hooked up, decide I'm only taking him.. little fucker wont walk out of the stall. Drag his ass out and we walk to the trailer and he hits the brakes. Proceed to spend 5 minutes fighting to try to load him (in flip flops none the less cause I was in too big of a hurry to go get boots) finally decide to bring his mama along.. tie him up and get her.

She loads like the angel she is.. he still wont budge.. finally get him close enough to tie him in the trailer and go grab a couple lead ropes to drag his ass in. Get him drug in and once all 4 feet are in he walks to the front like hes supposed to. Get them tied, bit looser than I like and then find out the divider pin is seized up and I cant close the divider. Say fuck it, shut the door and go to finish hooking up the trailer. The hitch didnt want to slide all the way up so I kicked it until I could get the pin in.

By this point I felt like I was going to pass out, ran in to grab the blaster, some water and gatorade and sprayed it on the divider pin. My father gets pissed cause I turned on the radio but I needed something to focus on while I drove so I didnt pass out.

Start driving, pull up GPS (never been to this vets office before and I havent been to the town in years so I had a general idea of where I was going but not really). GPS wants me to take a different route than I was going to take. My father starts bitching and says well why dont we go the normal way. So I do. Hit construction with stop lights twice. At the second one I check the donkeys and they are tangled. Say fuck about 20 times and jump in to pull off the side of the road. Get them fixed up and get back in and luckily the car behind me was nice and let me back in. Stupid fucking stoplight was letting like 10 cars head south but only 3 or so heading north at a time. I was heading north and about 30 cars back from the light. We sit at the light for almost 30 minutes before I make it through. Called the vet to let her know we are going to be late.

Get there and the fucker doesnt want to unload.. he almost jumps on top of me.. then neither his mama or him wanted to walk on the concrete or go into the barn (they have been to a different vet clinic like this.. but they has a dog in a horse stall that was barking and they weren't impressed. Get his mama in and make my father hold her.

Start dragging his ass in and a step in the building he falls down. I had a rope around his butt so I just drug him the rest of the way in and the vet says let's keep him down if we can.. we couldnt lol. She examined him, couldnt figure out why he was all swollen, decided to give him antibiotics, anti-inflammatory/pain meds, and tells me to deworm him in case a fly got in his sheath and laid some eggs.

I go to load them while they are getting the meds ready and notice that line dragging the ground on the truck. Another round of fucks. Load mama. Rebel doesnt wanna go home but dragging him in was easier this time. Divider pen is loosened up so I can close it this time. Go in to get meds and pay, then go out and turn the truck around and pull it into the grass so I can get under it. Line didnt appear important so I just tied it up so it wouldn't drag 😂

When I left the vet clinic i thought i had a hair on my arm.. tickled my arm the whole way home and realized nope, that tingling is inside my wrist. Its better now but still tingly (like like when you foot falls asleep only not as bad)

I texted Daddy before I hit the road. Found a McDonalds and asked permission for a large dr pepper and got a water too (which I actually got before he said yes cause I was pretty sure he would say yes and if he said no, I just wasnt going to drink it all). Drive home the route originally suggested by GPS and it was much smoother than the way I went to the clinic and the whole drive only took and hour, not 1.5hrs like the way to the clinic.

Got home, unloaded donkeys, looked at the truck, went and fixed meds for the donkey.. a powdered antibiotic that I mixed with hot water to dissolve it into a syringe to give orally and a syringe of banamine to also give orally. Got antibiotic mix on my finger while mixing so I tasted it and realized it is bitter and I'm going to ruin his good mouth handling before the 2 weeks are up. (Oh hey look, another life circumstance which fucks up Daddy and I's plans for time together!!! 😂😑😣😭).

Turned donkeys out, took my nice ice cold shower, went and lubed the trailer, had some dinner and now in bed relaxing.. finally. So yea.. that's my day!!!