#(i took like a week off to be sick in december and then another 5 days to be sick in january)

[miodiodavinci]

oscillating rapidly and producing a low tone in the note of c

[blkkizzat]

please write nerd geto ! i’m sure you’ll write something amazinggg

Of course doll! Sorry this took a while I was sick most of December and January whooped my ass with classes starting again but I love love the idea of Nerd!Geto especially a Nerd!Geto with glasses so had to write a whole fic. Hope you like it :3 ♡

Lessons in Anatomy

“Shall I give you a lesson, Y/N? Do you want me to teach you how to squirt?”

summary: thanks to some bad choices and party girl ways you're on academic probation and can't afford to fail another test. fortunately your longtime friend nerd!geto is there to give you lessons in both economics and anatomy.

cw: college AU. fingering, squirting, dirty talk, edging, mentions of satosugu, rich party kid shit, incestuous friendships, mentions of reader x other jjk men, mentions of casual sex/hookups, mentions of drinking/drug use, reader is a dumb (and I mean dumb) bimbo, a little bit of a brat too, slight coercion, slight dubcon, virgin!suguru, soft dom!sugu, sex ed!sugu, roleplay as sugu is pre med major, some minor fluff, pet names: slut, bunny etc. a bit of a crack fic too haha. slightly black fem coded, no descriptors. a/n: LOL how this became an 8.2k fic about squirting idk chile... but special shout out to @littlemochabunni who talked me off a ledge when I was being emo and I wanted to scrap the entire thing and start over. w/c: 8.2k

“I can’t believe I’m here and missing the biggest party of the year!”

You groaned as you scrolled through your stories to see all the pics and vids of your friends living their best drunken lives and happily binge drinking on frat row to celebrate your school’s football league championship win.

Toru just did unassisted keg stand pushups and you missed it! 

You, on the other hand, were stuck studying with Suguru in his dorm room. 

100% sober and being forced to learn 5 weeks of econ, that you never took a single note for, in one weekend. 

Well not forced exactly. 

You and Satoru had practically begged Suguru to help you study this weekend. If you failed this class you would flunk out as you were already on academic probation.

“Well I for one can’t believe you’re dumb enough to attempt to cheat off Toji and Sukuna of all people.” 

Suguru quipped back while pushing up his glasses. He snatched your phone away from you and placed it on the other side of his desk, away from you.

Not that he took offense to the remark, but he too had better things to do on a Friday night than tutoring you. Keggers definitely weren't his scene though and Suguru wouldn’t be caught dead at a party celebrating with those frat monkeys. Even if said monkeys included his childhood friends. 

However, as a pre-med student he’d much rather stay in to write his essay for the clinical research internship he was trying to get. 

“Hey! I didn’t cheat off them for the record! Toji and Sukuna said they had the hookup for the answers!”

You pouted grumbling as you tried to reach for your phone on the other side of the table only for Suguru to take it again. This time he slid it into his pockets, keeping it away from you for good.

“Urgh, it’s not my fault they got the test for ECON 230A and 230B mixed up. I didn’t even know there was a second section!”

Suguru had to resist the urge to roll his eyes at you again. The pilfered test definitely had ‘ECON 230B’ printed in big bold letters at the top. 

You all were idiots. 

Unfortunately for you, you were just a cheerleader idiot. 

The other idiots, Toji and Sukuna, dubbed the ‘The Boom Bros’, were the reason your team even won the championships in the first place. The best defensive backs your college or any college in your division have seen, ever. Not letting an opposing team score more than 10 points the entire season, there was no way in hell they were going down for that right before the championships.

That left you as the scapegoat, which was something Suguru noted that you happily took the fall for.  Although there is a very good possibility of you being a soon-to-be college dropout, your social clout was skyrocketing. 

Word spread among the popular social circles fast on how you ‘saved the big game’. 

Suguru couldn’t care less about football, though he was getting annoyed at all the texts, DMs and messages you received asking where you were. They were making you completely lose the little focus you were capable of, which is what made him confiscate your phone in the first place. 

Sighing, Suguru was pretty sure you would be competent enough to pass if you just applied yourself more to anything other than drinking and parties.

“Y/N, just try to focus on studying, please.”

You pouted, turning back to the textbook in front of you.

How did Suguru’s nerdy ass enjoy studying so much?

Studying, especially anything to do with math, gives you an ick. In fact, you were sure the only reason you graduated from high school and even got into this university was because you played 7-minutes-in-heaven with Choso at the start of senior year. 

It had been a secret double dare from Gojo but you sucked the soul out of that boy in Gojo’s closet that night. From then on, Choso pretty much did anything you wanted that year, including all your homework. Hell, he even wrote your college admissions essays and in turn you gave him some sloppy toppy here and there.

Choso was always eager to feel your soft lips on his cock, so you’re sure he could have thought of a better way for you to cheat so you didn't have to study at all and could be out partying right now. It’s just your bad luck that he was studying abroad this semester with his little brother Yuuji.

Although, even if you did flunk out you weren’t that worried. Worst case scenario if you couldn’t find a career or a husband you could always be one of Gojo’s three mistresses he said he would keep once he was older, married and had taken over his family’s company. 

He had pinky-pie-promised he would take care of you if you needed it and as one of your best friends you knew he was good for that promise. Even if he did make it while you both were partying, tripping balls off acid so hard that Satoru convinced himself your cunt could produce cotton candy. He chewed on your pussy for 2 hours straight one wild night on your group’s graduation trip where he then asked if you would be his future mistress.

But that didn’t necessarily mean you wanted that life for yourself. You liked your independence and Satoru would be alot to deal with, even with 2 other mistresses and a wife. 

Therefore, unless you wanted to resign yourself to that fate, you were stuck with Suguru as your tutor.

It’s not like you didn’t get along with Suguru, he’d been one of your closest friends since you were young along with Satoru. But as you got older your interests kind of drifted apart and you saw him less and less, especially as you got to college. 

You wanted to party and Suguru prioritized studying.

You had missed him. You wanted to have fun with him again.

And this was definitely not fun. 

Reading the same paragraph for the fifth time and retaining shit all of whatever the passage had said about ‘demand curve fluctuations’, you were ready to climb up the walls. 

You began to fidget, still in your cheer uniform from the game earlier. The material of your skirt rode up to your upper thighs when you splayed your knees out and leaned forward to lay your head on the desk face down with an exasperated yawn. 

Suguru shared in your exasperation but directed his towards you with another sigh, looking you over. His weariness at you from your inability to study causes his eyes to linger on your form longer than they should. 

Resting against his desk, your back had molded into a nice natural little arch as your tits pushed forward . Adjusting his glasses Suguru found it difficult to pull his eyes away once they landed on your thighs. Practically leering, Suguru is transfixed by the way the fabric bunched at your hips digs into your soft skin. 

He curses your university’s school colors as the next thing that caught his eye was the bright yellow cheer panties you wore that were tight enough to show the full shape of your cunt. Your panties are so skinforming that they don’t fail to give you camel toe. The indent of the slit between your fat pussy lips is on full display.

You’ve always been attractive, Suguru muses as he feels his pants slightly tighten. But it’s no mystery why you were such a slut now if these were the positions you found yourself in when alone with guys.

“Seeing something you like, Sugu baby?”

Suguru snaps his head up at your teasing to see you looking straight at him, your head still resting on his desk but has since turned to face him. The wink along with the lazy yet knowing smile forming on your cherry stained lips lets him know you know he was staring at your cunt. 

Caught red handed, Suguru rolls his eyes and scoffs as he returns back to the textbooks in front of him while you laugh. Dismissing your question entirely he changes the subject back to studying but can’t resist throwing in a little dig to take the heat off himself. 

“Y/N, can’t you just focus? You’ve barely made any progress… Or is it that you want to flunk out and be reduced to Toru’s mistress or something?”

Fuck, you forgot Suguru knew about that too. (Duh, of course he did. He was the sober one who found you both, taking care of you once your come downs had hit).

Not letting him get away with that shade, the brat in you clapped back as you returned his sarcasm back at him.

“Okay, well high school was one thing but do you want to go through college without getting any play too? Or are you satisfied just from peeking up a skirt?”

Annoyance flashes in Suguru’s eyes. He thought you had some audacity seeing as you were the one who was casually flaunting your pussy for him in the first place. Nevertheless, you continued, using Suguru as a punching bag for your current academic frustrations.

“Your pocket pussy and getting head from Toru behind the bleachers at prom doesn’t count by the way!”

Suguru pinched the bridge of his nose as his tolerance of the situation had officially bubbled over. He was tired of everyone thinking he was missing out on something just because he didn’t want to kill off brain cells partying every weekend or play STD Roulette with casual hookups. 

You bringing up prom was a low blow. It was the first time he’d ever had a drink and Toru had practically begged him. Satoru wanted to know if his head was just as good for guys as it was for girls (spoiler alert: it was).

Also, what you thought just because you fucked around alot it was actually any good?

“Yeah and getting railed by a bunch of banana brained monkey jocks, that counts Y/N? They wouldn’t know what to do with your clit even if it was an actual football.”

Suguru retorted and he watched as your eyes widened with shock then seethed with anger as you finally sat upright in the seat. 

Ding Ding! He had hit a nerve. 

“Oh and you would know what to do, cherry boy?”

Suguru knows he probably shouldn’t push it further. But like Satoru, you always knew what buttons to push to get under his skin. Suguru can’t help but to want to get under your skin as well, especially since he was never one of the ones getting under your clothes. 

“Well I can actually spell clitoris, so that already puts me at an advantage over those ball chasing monkeys. Have you ever even had a real orgasm before, Y/N?”

You started to speak but Suguru cut you off before you could.

“—and I mean one that didn’t come from tripping with Satoru or a toy? I bet you’ve never even squirted before.”

Damn. 

You resisted the urge to chew on your lip, not wanting him to know just how right he was but your immediate silence was telling. Racking your brain, you tried to find a way to get your lick back but found yourself at a loss. 

It was mostly true to be honest. 

A hot and heavy make-out session at a party would typically lead to mostly underwhelming sex and you would have to return to your dorm or wait for them to leave to finish yourself off with your rose or dildo… or both. 

Okay and sure, maybe the one and only time you did really have an intense body orgasm was the time you dropped acid with Satoru but… fuck –Wait…squirting?! Wasn’t that just pee? Gross! 

Satisfied with your small ammunition, after a pause you bit back again.

“Alright, so frat boys aren’t sex gods, tell me something I don’t know. It’s still sex Suguru—” 

You flipped your hair and crossed your legs arrogantly as you continued.

“— sex that you aren’t having, which, duh, is obvious if you think squirting is an actual thing. Because Eww nasty, I’m so not into piss-play, Sugu!”

You waited for his reply, assuring your win but Suguru just blinked at you, dumbfounded. 

The thought of you having won shatters when Suguru erupts into a fit of laughter. Hitting the table for emphasis Suguru was near howling as the glasses fell off his face and he had to clutch his sides for support, keeling over in his chair. 

Suguru couldn’t actually believe that you believed squirting was the same as urinating! 

On second thought, knowing you, this kind of checked out…

Watching Suguru in a fit of hysterics had your face burning with embarrassment as waves of self-consciousness came over you. 

To be honest, you weren’t even sure why you were feeling insecure as this was supposed to be your victory!  This was not the reaction you expected from him at all to say the least!

Just what made this so funny!? Because you didn’t want to piss yourself during sex?! 

“Sugu…”

“Sugu…”

“Hey, Suguru!!!”

Frustrated with him ignoring you and still laughing after failing to get his attention, you jumped up from your seat and marched directly in front of Suguru. Angrily you yanked his head up by his man bun. 

You were so ready to tell Suguru to go to hell for laughing at you. Even if you weren’t too sure exactly what he was laughing at you for, he was still being a jerk right now. 

However the words caught in your throat as soon as you saw his face.

Suguru’s wide grin easily illuminated the dimly lit dorm room. Tears gathered in the crinkle around his eyes and pulled into an expression of such warmth that you were reminded of all the fun times you had together goofing off over the years. You nearly forgot what it was like to see him laugh like this.

So nostalgic you almost forgot he was still laughing at your expense — almost.

“Don’t be an asshole Sugu…” 

Your voice was low, lacking any real bite as all your fire fizzled and was replaced by a pout.

Defeated, you let go of your stiff grip on his silky bun causing it to unravel and frame his face with thick black strands that flowed down past his shoulders. Although it wasn’t the first time you had seen Suguru with his hair down and no glasses, you couldn’t help but stare at him now. 

He had grown much more into his features since high school. 

College Suguru had sharper eyes, a slimmer face with a strong jawline and hair that flowed down to his chest. Not to mention his lanky boyish frame had filled out. The muscles underneath were prominent now even if he was wearing a baggy band tee and sweats. Suguru didn’t go to parties but from the looks of him he certainly didn’t miss going to the gym. 

He didn’t look much like the nerd you knew him to be right now at all.

Granted, you were still a bit salty with Suguru but didn’t want to fight with him anymore. Especially given the way his dark eyes sparkled as he gazed up at you, your heart nearly skipping a beat as if you were really only noticing him now for the first time. 

Sniffling, a cocktail of emotions swirls in you. Moisture pricks in the corners of your eyes despite yourself.

Suguru, who was also staring at you, took notice right away.

“Hey Bunny, I’m sorry...” 

You relaxed a bit hearing the old nickname he and Satoru gave to you back in middle school, you couldn’t remember the last time he called you that. 

Grabbing your hand in his much larger one, Suguru gave your palm a gentle rub with his thumb. His hand was surprisingly soft. 

Despite his sweet gesture, your brow twitched slightly at Suguru’s soft chuckles, still continuing albeit less frequently, at your expense.

“It’s just that… I dunno, I guess I would have expected you to have experienced it at least once before Y/N, it’s definitely not pee.” 

You huffed. You still weren’t convinced it wasn’t pee but now you were more curious than anything.

“And how do you know that Suguru? You’ve made a girl squirt before?” 

There was no sarcasm in your tone this time, just doubt since he would have told Toru and Toru definitely would have told you if Suguru was getting play from someone. 

Suguru to his credit wasn't discouraged though. 

If anything, he seemed to gain confidence on the matter now that you weren’t fighting him, rather looking to him for knowledge, for the first time tonight.

“Well, no, but I did get a 4.0 out of Anatomy last semester and unlike you I actually paid attention in Sex Ed. Also, just because I’m a virgin, doesn’t mean I’m completely clueless. There is a little thing called the internet, Y/N.”

You mouthed an ‘O’— a bit ashamed that you actually thought because he was a virgin who didn’t party he was merely just sitting around clueless to everything about sex.

But what could just reading textbooks and the internet teach him over actual experience? 

Then again, Suguru was practically a genius, if he was saying something was possible you could be sure it was. Still you couldn’t stop your mind racing as you considered his previous words.

You were the one with all the experience so you should have experienced it before, right? 

Maybe the guys you hooked up with weren’t the problem then? Maybe you were. 

“What if– w-what if I’m the problem Suguru? What if I just can’t?”

Tugging you closer, his fingers now interlacing with yours, Suguru’s other hand settled on your hip giving you a warm squeeze. You were so close to him now that his chin almost rested on your belly and Suguru was craning his head up to you with a small sly grin still on his face.

“It’s not a matter of can or can’t Bunny, you just don’t know how. Shall I give you a lesson, Y/N?” 

“Do you want me to teach you how to squirt?”

You felt a bit lightheaded as you considered the words that just came out of Suguru’s mouth. You weren’t shy at all when it came to matters of sex and you had the reputation to prove it. Yet your stomach still did a little flip at Suguru propositioning you. 

Sure you were a bit of a slut and had at least made out with almost every guy in your group of friends, but not Suguru. Not for lack of attraction though, you had teased Suguru in the past but he had always been the responsible one, like an older brother or protector. 

Besides, Satoru was always so needy for his attention. There weren’t often times you were with Suguru alone and he never seemed all too interested in sex either, at least when directly compared to a horn dog like Satoru. 

You didn’t actually know if he was serious though so you decided to make light of it, giggling.

“If you wanted me to pop your cherry Sugu, all ya had to do was ask.”

Suguru smiled back at you, he shook his head chuckling. 

“I’ll only need to use my fingers, Y/N. Besides, this is about you. What I really want is for you to not flunk out, I would miss you, ya know?” 

You try to keep a poker face but you couldn’t help feeling giddy at the fact you were extremely happy to hear Suguru would miss you. You had already missed him and combined with the inkling of new feelings stirring in your chest from seeing your old friend in a new light you feel adrenaline begin to pump through you as you brim with nervous energy. 

“Let’s think of this as a study break from Economics. You had to miss the party but we can still have some fun. You might even learn something for once, eh?”

His hand left your hip in order to push the books and papers on his desk aside and patted the wooden surface. The hand still intertwined with yours guided you over.

“Hop on up, Bunny. It’s time for your anatomy lesson.”

You look at the desk and pause as if you are unsure, biting your lip. 

Thoughts of finally hooking up with Suguru excited and the fact you were nervous whether you would disappoint him if you couldn’t actually squirt flood your mind at once. However when you meet Suguru’s eyes and feel gentle reassuring pressure on your hand your body is already moving towards the desk, making the decision for you.

Your heart is already thudding in your eardrums by the time you settle on top of Suguru’s study desk. Suguru immediately shifts into instructor mode, picking his glasses up off the floor and adjusting them back on his face. 

He directs you to lean back and relax and soon your shoulders are against the wall behind the desk as you are propped up on your elbows. 

You yelp as Suguru startles you by grabbing your hips with a firm squeeze and scooches you flush to his pelvis. Feet propped up to the edge as well all you needed were the stirrups and you could have been at the gyno's office, giggling now at the thought.

“Sugu, you can’t be serious. I feel like you’re about to give me a pap, not an orgasm.”

Suguru’s mouth twitches up into a smirk.

“There’s a reason they have you lie in this position, makes for easier access. If you’re going to squirt I’m going to need to find that slutty lil’ gland of yours and I don’t mean your clit, Bunny.” 

You huffed but you were otherwise agreeable. 

You couldn’t deny you were a slut especially not now with your legs spread open wide exposing your bright yellow cheer-panty clad cunt to Suguru. Laid out like this, the thin layer of spandex is stretched to its absolute limits causing your chubby pussy lips to poke out of the sides. This does not go unnoticed by Suguru who hadn’t taken his eyes off your lower half since you initially spread your legs. 

His Adam's apple bobbed heavily as he swallowed and breathed deeply at the sight of you.

Suguru can barely believe he’s really about to do this. 

If anything he is overconfident in his abilities, despite his lack of actual on-the-job experience so to speak. From all his studying as a pre-med student, books, health articles and yes even porn, Suguru could say he had an in-depth understanding of human anatomy and bodily functions. 

But that didn’t mean he didn’t need to calm himself enough to stop his balmy palms from sweating further at the reality of finally being allowed to actually touch you.

“I’ll be in your care then, Doctor Geto.”

You make a lighthearted joke with a nervous laugh to ease your own anticipation. However the joke has the opposite effect for Suguru and he snaps his head up as if you had activated something in him. 

Suguru’s fiery expression sends shivers down your back. Although as quickly as it appeared it was gone again, replaced by his trademark comforting grin. Even so your fingers pressed a bit deeper into the wood beneath you, steadying your frazzling nerves.

“Well aren’t you a lucky one then, being my first patient ever. You’ll be a good little pussy and listen to me, won't you?”

Suguru is looking down again, speaking directly to your cunt who is tingling in response to his voice. It’s fucking lewd. But then again so is the studious scrutiny of Suguru’s eyes so single-mindedly transfixed to your cunt you wonder if his leer alone could dissolve the cheer panties right off of you. 

You let go of the breath you didn’t realize you were holding once Suguru finally starts touching you. 

But not your pussy just yet. 

His long thick fingers are surprisingly cool on your skin as they press into your warmth, ghosting just above your knee on both sides. 

Gentle strokes travel down along your inner thighs and up again to lightly tickle the backs of your legs. You tense and squirm beneath him when your eyes meet Suguru’s own.

“Sugu–”

“Patience, Bunny. It’s no wonder you never cum if you’re so used to diving right in. You need to relax first. This won’t happen if you aren’t relaxed, can you try to do that for me?”

You nodded back at him, yet the goosebumps left in the wake of Suguru’s soft caresses had you trembling. So used to rushed thrusts and hurried grasps, you don’t know how to just take it in the moment. 

You had never been touched this delicately before.

Already oversensitive, if anything you felt like the one who was the virgin in this situation.

If Suguru notices, he says nothing. His touches are progressively firmer, the light pets morphing into soft squeezes and circular strokes of the hand once he traverses closer to your core.

“You know Bunny, the inner thigh area is an erogenous zone? Can you say that, Y/N? Ero-gen-ous?

Suguru pronounces the word out for you as his heavy muscular hands make their way to the crease of your inner thighs, his hands once more perilously close to your pussy as he pauses looking up at you again expectantly.

“Say it, Y/N.”

Your cunt clenches at his command and it leaves you stuttering. Heat blossoms across your cheeks from how needy you sound choking out the word. 

“Er-Ero-gennn-ous.”

Suguru rewards you by moving his hands again but to your dismay they pass your core to dig into your hips, his thumbs swirling over your hip bones. He leans his body in closer to you and you break eye contact to turn your head away lest you really start falling apart in his hands.

“Good girl. Ya know, you’re quite bright with the right motivation, Bunny.”

Puffs of moist heat glide over the tip of your ear as his lips are only millimeters away from your skin. His words stimulate a deep in your gut reaching all the way down to your toes, trying to resist how much he’s affecting you. 

Suguru chuckles at your bashfulness.

“Are you always this shy, Bunny? Or does that honor just belong to me?”

You whimpered. You aren’t sure how you got here. 

How was Suguru, a nerdy virgin, making you come undone like this? You didn’t know where the darkness that crept up on the edges of his eyes was coming from either, yet you squirm in anticipation despite yourself. 

You loved it. 

Always a know-it-all, so you would hate to admit it outloud, but Suguru was already making you feel more excitement than any frat boy you had been with. Lack of hands-on experience be damned. You’re losing it as his lips sensually flutter against your collarbone. 

“Y-you s-said only fingers, S-Sugu!”

Your voice lacks any real reprimand as you are arching up into his touches and quivering for more. Suguru obliges as he alternates between delicate nips and open mouth kisses sinfully marking you. Groaning into the crook of your neck Suguru savors the lingering taste of your perfume and the natural saltiness of your skin. 

Returning his attention back to your ear Suguru’s breath trails over your skin until your lobe is once again trapped between his moist lips. He lightly tugs it between his teeth before giving it a sharp bite.

“AHH!”

The sting sends a jolt of electricity shooting straight into your cunt and a strangled noise escapes your lips. Your knees are starting to buckle but Suguru’s quick reflexes stopped your legs from clamping together all the way, bracing you. 

Taking your hands and leading them to the backs of your thighs, Suguru is making you steady yourself back into a spread position for him and gives you strict instructions not to move.

“Good girl… This should be more than obvious now Bunny, but there are erogenous zones all over your body that connect to the pleasure nerve endings here.”

Suguru’s voice is silky as his index finger tows long strokes over the slit of your clothed cunt and applies pressure on your clit for emphasis. Whines fumble out of you when Suguru switches from steady swipes to idle flicks with pads of his fingers and your legs twitch again once more.

“It's important to simulate multiple areas simultaneously and I only have two hands, don’t I? You don’t mind Y/N do you?”

You still can’t bear to look Suguru in the eyes, much less respond vocally so you just shake your head. 

“Feeling good, Bunny? Which do you like better, the strokes or the flicks?”

Your eyes squeeze shut from Suguru demonstrating both over your covered cunt. You try not to tear up but the amount of autonomy you had in this situation was new to you. Embarrassed and vulnerable you’re realizing that in spite of all your sexual experiences you still don’t feel comfortable expressing your needs.

“Hey, Y/N–”

Suguru clutches your face in his massive grip, squishing both your cheeks with a single hand and forcing your glassy eyes back on him. It was hard to focus on what he was saying anyway while you cooed from the feather-like circles he had been drawing on your clit.

“–you have to talk to me. This and sex in general, is just another form of communication. It won't work well and you definitely won’t squirt unless you can express to your partner what feels good and what doesn’t.”  

You are sure he can feel the heat gathering in your cheeks radiating off your skin.

“Stop t-teasing S-Sugu… I-I know you can tell it’s good.”

Suguru eases his hold on you, his smirk deepening at your complaint.

“Oh I can, tell Bunny. Believe me. Your pussy, she’s so sensitive no matter how much you try to hide it from me. But I still need to hear it from your mouth regardless.”

The hand playing with your cunt splays out and Suguru fully cups you in his hands. The pulsing of your clit vibrates against his palm even through your panties.

“If you’re going to be a slut Bunny, at least be a vocal one. Be a slut for your own pleasure...this fat n’pretty cunt of yours deserves it.” 

Suguru’s mouth is mere millimeters above yours, floating suspended both your lips are parted as you’re sharing the same air. The dizzying effect of breathing him in only intensifies with his words.

“Or perhaps you just get off on the idea of being free use?”

Suguru chuckles but doesn’t make you answer that question in favor of pulling back from you to inspect the large wet spot you soaked through your cheer panties from all of his taunting.

Pleased he gives your clothed pussy a smack, the moisture underneath the flimsy fabric evident in the soft squelchy sound that fills the room.

Smack, another moist sound echoes from your cunt.

“Oh, looks like she’s ready. This mouth down here is so much more talkative, Bunny.”

Hooking his fingers in the fabric Suguru peels your soaked cheer panties to the side, whistling at the thick strings of your essence that lingered between your cunt and your panties.

“So fucking wet, the prettiest most obedient lil’ pussy, aren’t you?”

A fleeting thought of sassing Suguru since yours is the first real pussy he has actually even seen up close dissipates as soon as your entrance flutters against his two thick fingers that rub over your uncovered opening. 

Involuntary bucking your hips, the burning urge to feel him inside you is all you care about now, pride be damned. 

You want him.

“Sugu–”

“–Shhh!”

Suguru cuts your pleas short.

“Don’t interrupt Doctor Geto when he’s speaking with his favorite patient, Bunny… Your nasty lil’ cunt is really begging for her treatment, isn’t she?”

You pout at him, quieting down while Suguru rewards your submission by slipping into your folds once more, entering fully past your entrance and into your gummy walls. It’s only a single digit inside you but your pussy is hungrily sucking him in deeper, trying to devour his middle finger whole. 

Suguru murmurs intelligible obscenities from how warm and tight you are. He needs to find that spot. 

Your hands struggle to keep your legs from quaking when you feel his finger, longer, thicker and far more pointed than your own, bottom out before languidly dragging delicious pressure back through you, exploring your walls in search of–

“Found her.”

Your ass jerks up and nearly off the desk entirely when his finger roughly prods into the firm spongy spot within your cunt you didn’t even know existed until now. 

“FAH-FAH-FUHHCKKKKKKKKK–”

Your voice cracks and your vision blurs with tears that finally are cascading down your face smudging your mascara. Your reaction has you missing the wide-eyed look of amazement Suguru gives you utterly entranced by the way your entire body quivered from just a solid tap to the gland. 

Suguru had expected an intense reaction. He’d seen and read about how temporary control of muscles and spasms were common when abusing this spot in women. But the one thing textbooks, articles, nor porn could prepare him for was how fucking sexy you’d be while he was doing it. 

The ache in his pants has him groaning as he has to lean nearly his entire weight into you in order to get your lower half to settle back down on the desk. Pausing his movements inside of you, Suguru allows you to catch your breath.

Still the heavy pad of his finger is weighing down on you with enough force you still need to suck in your breaths, barely able to squeak out words.

“W-Wh-What is th-that S-Suguuu?!”

Suguru tells you not to worry about the actual name. It’s not very sexy, so you won’t remember it and it’s important that you do, so eventually he tells you to just call it the g-spot. 

You groan at the loss of pressure on your g-spot when Suguru removes himself from you entirely in order to bring the finger that had been inside you to his lips. Watching him savoring the essence of your sweet cunt on his tongue, you couldn’t take any longer, finding your voice. 

“Su-Surugu, N-Need–N-need more. P—please!”

Suguru obliges, slapping the fat of your ass teetering off the desk and lifts you as his knee slides under your hip. Leaning into you further, Suguru throws one of your shapely legs over his shoulder. 

“Oh, you found your voice Bunny? Then tell me what my patient wants. Where does Doctor Geto need to touch you?”

“M-my pussy– fuck– p-please Sugu, wanna feel good there. She’ll be so good for you!”

Suguru’s pleased smile is your only warning before two of his large fingers plunge-in and bottom out inside your cunt, knocking against your cervix. Your jaw completely slacks as you groan at the sudden intrusion, allowing Suguru the perfect invitation to your mouth. 

Wasting no time, Suguru crashes his lips into yours. The kiss is sloppy, hot and needy as any cries that attempted to leave you were drowned out in the wet cavern of Suguru’s mouth. 

Fuck, you’re greedy as hell. 

The kiss makes Suguru’s head spin and he loses himself in your sinful hunger as you wrap your arms around his neck and begin to dominate the kiss, sucking on his tongue. Soon Suguru finds himself groaning against your lips and slowly rocking his cock into the back of your thigh. Fuck, your body was too responsive, too eager for him to slut you out on his fingers. 

Suguru couldn’t lose sight of the goal though, you needed to squirt so he needed to take back control.

Catching you off guard, he bullies a third finger– his ring finger, into your cunt as well. Breathless you break the kiss, your eyes sinking back into your head as you meet the thrusts of his fingers with the roll of your hips.  

You aren’t able to control the way your body convulses as you writhe against Suguru. His massive body weighed over you as his hair fell in front of his face, hiding his crazed expression from you. 

Suguru is also panting as he vigorously pumps the appendages into you. In and out, swirling them Suguru’s fingers take special care to zigzag sweet torment over your g-spot. 

You’ve only felt the slight ghostings of this feeling before, nothing so pointed and focused on attacking this spot, while stretching your pussy so well in the process. You want– no need, to feel Suguru’s cock inside you next. 

You could tell he must be huge. Heat was radiating off his girthy bulge as it twitched up against your ass cheek even through Suguru’s joggers. The thought causes the hot iron coil in your stomach to tense to its breaking point, begging for release.

Suguru notices.

“A-Are you gonna squirt for me, Y/N?”

For the first time his own voice is ragged, set on keeping his promise to you.

“S-Sugu, I-I– I want to but I–” 

Your words catch in your throat as tears that are salty to the taste freely flow past your lips down your chin. You are unsure of what exactly to beg Suguru for even if you could do more than unintelligible babbles at the moment. 

It’s coming– you panic— this feeling!

“W-w-ait! Nooo, S–Su–Sugu… I’m g-gonna pee. S-stop, p-puhleaseee!

Your hands slip against Suguru’s shoulders as you try in vain to push him away. So fearful that Suguru was wrong and you may actually piss all over him and his desk. 

Suguru isn’t having it though, backhanding your clit with a harsh smack, his knuckle bullying into your bud. 

The slap was followed by two more in quick succession, his other hand never slowing inside of you. Disregarding your pleas Suguru ventures even deeper into your guts while pressing down on your lower belly.

“I told you it’s not pee, Bunny. You don’t listen very well, do you?”

Suguru hiss at you, the stress of holding himself back as you fall apart on his fingers was nearly too much, he needed you to lay back, be good for him and take it.

“I-I’m s-sowy, Dr. Geto but– I– wanna–.”

You sniffle back more tears, which has Suguru calming himself in order to soothe you again.

“Shh Bunny, it’s okay– now ask your doctor nicely for what you need. Go on.” 

At this point cuming, squirting, whatever Suguru you requires of you in order to release the feral sensations building within you is an essential need to live as much as taking your next breath.

“Doctor Geto, please let me cum! Sugu please! G-gonna s-squirt, gonna squirt s-so g-good for you!!”

“That’s right baby you will… Now squirt on me Bunny, make a pretty mess all over my fucking fingers.”

Timing a particularly hard jolt to your g-spot with simultaneous pressure from over your belly, has you tipping over the edge. Back arching you feel the gratifying release as you squirt hard, fluids spurting all over Suguru’s fingers and spilling down his forearms. The saccharine pleasure of it all is buzzing throughout every cell in your body as your eyes flutter back into your skull. 

Your entire body feels like an extension of your pussy, pulsing in tune with your cunt and you don’t realize you are even screaming until Suguru’s mouth is on top of yours once again. 

Suguru is tongue fucking your wails all the way back into the depths of your throat until they are mere raspy gurgles.

Riding out your orgasm you protest with choked cries as Suguru's hand abruptly leaves your cunt. Yet before you can process what’s happening you’re mewling loudly again once you feel his lips attacking your cunt. Sucking your clit between his lips, his own groans vibrate into your core making you all the more sensitive. 

Your hands fly to him again, tangling up in his long raven locks and trying to push his head away. 

Too much! You were far too sensitive right now for him to be lapping at your over stimmed cunt like a mad man.

“Stawwp–”

Your slurs fall on deaf ears as Suguru continues, only pulling back briefly to shush you.

“Haven’t got it all out. This pretty pussy is so fucking nasty she can give a little more, can’t you baby? I know she can.”

Suguru is speaking to you but he sounds a million miles away, focused only on your cunt as he returns to suckling on your clit, his teeth scraping lightly. He knows your pussy will give him the answer he is looking for soon enough. 

The iron grip his arms have around your thighs holds you down allowing Suguru unimpeded access to dribble globs of his spit into your folds. His tongue flattens over your clit and his eyes smolder into yours before diving back into your pussy. 

So close to cumming yet again your thick thighs clench around him as you unintentionally smother his face deeper into your core. Suguru ignores any need to take breaths, your cunt being the only sustenance needed as he rams his tongue further into your convulsing hole. 

Shaking his head around sloppily, Suguru is goading your cunt into giving him more and more. His tongue is a mere worshiper in the temple between your thighs, begging your leaking pussy to give him the last morsels of your squirt. 

Not having the willpower to deny him, your pussy gushes out more onto his tongue and shamelessly he swallows all of it as you cum all over again.

By the time Suguru detaches himself from your cunt he looks almost as wrecked as you: hair is matting to the sides of his face, his glasses are clouded with slick and your juices are dripping down his chin. 

Although, now that Suguru has had a taste of you he is left craving more. Not letting a single drop of your juices go to waste Suguru is ferally slurping the drippings off your thighs and lowering his head to even zamboni the overflow of your essence off the desk beneath you. Ravenous with thirst for you Suguru is even using his mouth to squeeze out any droplets he could retrieve from your soaked cheer panties. 

You on the other hand could only heave as you gasped for breath. Your legs are still twitching in the after shock of your intense orgasm and squirt session. Dizzy and dazed you feel yourself fading out, unsure of how much time has passed or what Suguru was still doing between your legs until the familiar ring of your phone slowly guides you back into the present. 

Wiping his face with the back of his hand Suguru stands up and pulls your phone out of his pocket.

The phone is still ringing as he looks down at it and snickers. 

“It’s Toru, Y/N. Answer it.”

You give Suguru a frowny pout. You were barely conscious right now, you couldn't handle a drunkenly energetic Satoru. 

Seeing you making no attempts to move, Suguru answers it for you and Satoru’s voice overflows through the speakerphone.

“Y/N! Y/N! Where are ya at!? We need the beer pong queen to make her appearance, I need a partner! Nanamin is too good to beat without you!”

Suguru held the phone out to you but you could respond in labored puffs.

“Y/N is taking a study break, a bit tired after her lesson.”

“–Oh it's you Suguru!”

You end up tuning Satoru out as he’s begging Suguru to come to the party with you which you already knew wasn’t going to happen even if he didn’t just make you squirt all over him. 

Willing yourself to sit up, your body is  immediately revitalized when your eye is drawn to how bricked Suguru currently is in his dark gray sweats. 

Suguru arches his brow in amusement as you pull him forward by the band of his joggers. You hurriedly fumble to untie them, pushing them and his boxers down to reveal his hard cock. 

The sight of it nearly has you squeeing.

You practically have hearts in your eyes as you gawk at Suguru’s cock, it’s the prettiest you’ve ever seen. The way his girth swayed in front of you as pre marbles on the tip has you openly salivating. To say his length and thickness is above average, was a massive understatement. 

You can’t estimate a size but you know he is huge as you eye the a large vein on the underside of his cock that seemed to weigh him down even though fully erect. You squirmed at the thought of that vein scraping inside your pussy as Suguru pounded you.

You need to feel it. Now.

Nevertheless, it isn’t until Suguru snaps his fingers in front of your face did you realize Gojo was now addressing you again through the phone.

“Y/N! You there?! I failed with Sugu! He’s lame! But you’ll be here soon right???”

A sharp contrast to just 30 mins earlier but partying was the last thing on your mind now. You needed to get Satoru off the phone and Suguru’s cock inside you expeditiously. 

“Mhm-nh, Toru sorry, I–I really need to get a good grade. I need Sugu to tutor me a bit more. C-Can’t afford to flunk out!”

Although you had teased Suguru earlier about popping his cherry, you didn’t care if he was a virgin now. He had more than proved himself despite his lack of hands-on sexual experience. 

You weren’t really paying attention to Satoru any longer as Suguru motions for you to lay back again. Readily, you get in position returning your legs to a stirrup pose. 

Suguru rewards your obedience with his cock slapping against your clit.

“Mmmm…FUHH-CK-AH!”

You don’t care that Satoru is still on the line as Suguru is slipping his cock under your cheer panties, rubbing his fat tip along your folds. His cock sandwiched between your messy cunt and the soaked fabric has Suguru groaning at the crazy sensation, he could bust like this for sure.

“Huh? Oh.. OHHHHHH! Haha, I see, I see! Suguru’s lessons are the best, aren’t they Y/N?”

You’re openly moaning now. Barely registering Toru’s words as Suguru grunts, increasing the pace he’s bullying his cockhead across your clit.

“Y-yeah, the besssst-ahhh!” 

Satoru, feeling more than a bit left out, starts pouting over the phone.

“Hey, no fair playing with Bunny without me Sugu! Let me join ne–” 

Suguru abruptly cuts Satoru’s complaints short, hanging up on him while still rutting his tip over your pussy. His pre leaking out in globs and mixing with your own cum still dripping from you.

He wanted you all to himself, for now at least.

Satoru could fuck off.

“Gawwd Sugu–just fuck m–”

You abruptly stop as your face falls in realization when you feel his warm cum pour over your mound and into your cheer panties. 

Suguru is spilling so much of his thick load into you it's even coming out the sides of your cheer panties and running down into the crack of your ass. A few more jerks of his cock through your folds and he is quickly pulling back to tuck his softening length back into his sweats.

“N-no,no no no S-Sugu! Suguru! I-t’s okay you came fast but please— fuck me. I’ll even let you raw me and cum inside puhleaseeee Sugu– need to squirt again all over your cock!”

You don’t know the kind of willpower it takes Suguru to refuse you. 

Probably one of the hardest things he’s done in his life, especially as fresh tears trickle from your eyes and he knows you’d be crying just as adorably on his cock. You were too sexy, too perfect and he wanted to fuck you just as badly as he knew you wanted him to.

BUT– more importantly he wanted to enjoy you more than for a quick fuck and if he indulged you now, he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t be relentlessly tearing up your sweet slutty pussy all night. 

If you didn’t start studying for real you were definitely going to get kicked out of school and he can’t have that, especially not now after this. 

Masking his own lust with a stern instructor voice Suguru chastises you as he ties his hair back onto a bun and begins to give his glasses a proper cleaning before adjusting the books and papers on his desks around you back into their correct piles.

“Absolutely out of the question. Now be a good girl and pull up your panties, Y/N. We have a lot of ground to cover tonight.”

Sticky with Suguru’s cum, frustrated and still horny you groaned loudly but obeyed. You knew Suguru meant business. 

You hoped if you listened to him well enough you’d get what you wanted by the end of the night. It would suck for you to suffer through studying but it was the best motivation you had in literal years. 

Unfortunately for you, Suguru, focused on the bigger picture, had a larger goal in mind.

“Only smart sluts get dick, Bunny. You’d better get an A on that exam Monday if you really want this cock.”

© ʙʟᴋᴋɪᴢᴢᴀᴛ 2024. ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛꜱ ʀᴇꜱᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ. ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ꜱᴛᴇᴀʟ, ᴛʀᴀɴꜱʟᴀᴛᴇ, ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴏʀ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋꜱ.

a/n: I would be willing to write a part 2 (some time in the future) of y/n popping Sugu cherry or even y/n getting double teamed by 'The Boom Bros' as a 'thank you' for taking the fall for them if there was interest. I'm kind of fond of this little college AU.

Reblog for an anatomy lesson from Nerd!Geto but likes and comments are also appreciated as always!

NEXT is back to my own ficcys! Upcoming: The Nursery - Yakuza!Toji x Y/N - teaser/taglist: ╰┈➤here. Delays cause I've been without my adhd meds and getting the first part of the fic beta'd for once but I FINALLY got them today and was able to finish this fic so hopefully I can get back on track! send me good vibes y'all!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the Asshole for telling my boyfriend he's not doing enough to make money?

My (24nb) boyfriend (24m) has had some rough time past few months. He was off work for a month in December due to poor mental health and then he missed another month of work due to a minor hand injury that made it impossible to work (he is a bartender). I work full time but get under minimum wage (UK apprenticeship laws, it's legal). During his time off he was only getting the government sick pay which was not enough for rent so I paid for him (we live together). It was a very tough time for me because I wasn't sure if I'd have enough to buy food for with him not contributing and just not doing well in general.

The reason he's not been doing so hot is his job, bartending takes place during anti social hours so we would just miss each other a few days of the week. And the hours in general were bad. Plus some personal stuff, and that cocktail drove him into severe depression and anxiety.

During the time he was off for mental health I didn't say anything, I knew he needed time. He'd spend all days just playing video games and sometimes cleaning the kitchen and the living room. I work a 9-5 so coming back home and still having to do other chores + worrying about making enough for us both took a toll on me too.

I started to run out of patience when he injured his hand. He was just getting back to work when he did it (it was not intended) but it resulted in him being off work more (another month). He at the time found his old DS and sold it, the money he used to buy a new game and the rest he spent on groceries and snacks (he complained how all his money he had to spend on groceries, but I pay most of the time. Or if we shop and 'split' I'll pay for things for "us" and he will pay for things for him).

In the new year he told me he will do "anything to make more money for us" but I guess that just consists of hoping a new job comes down from heavens because he is not taking steps (his current bartending job I applied for him from his indeed account). He also always talks about how much he hates his job, how the hours are shit, the pay is bad...

That's when I snapped, I couldn't keep it in anymore and pointed out that the whole time he's been home and had plenty of time to apply for other jobs. I told him he has no drive to get himself out of any situation and just drifts with the current. I told him that he's been complaining for months but I've not seen him apply for a single job (I work from home half the time so I also see that all he does is play games). I didn't shout, but I feel like I could've been nicer.

It's been so stressful having to provide for us both, and I know money is not everything. I'm not mad at him because he's not a millionaire but he just doesn't do anything to improve his situation. It's like his money is his and my money is ours. I've not gotten myself anything in months because of that...

Anyway, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[kanaokanzaki-op]

❤~Tamaki Kamado~☀️

“So that’s what my father was like?! He was so cool!” A young, barely over 12 exclaimed, smiling brightly. He was laying down on his mother’s lap getting ready for bed. However, the boy wanted to know more about his father and couldn’t sleep until he did. 

His mother smiled, “Yes, yes he was… He was like the sun to me, the brightest sun.” She patted his head and slowly moved him off her lap into his own bed. “Now get some sleep ok?”

“But but what about you? I wanna hear about your adventures please!!!” He cried out jumping out of his bed and latching onto his mother. She caught him and gently tossed him back in bed. “Mommmm!!”

“I know I know… Another time, ok?” She reached for her son’s hair and took off a purple and teal butterfly clip out then placed it on a little nightstand. 

“But you also fought a high ranking demon before, Upper Moon 2!! That’s gotta be so cool cool! I love you mommy please!!” He cried, “..I know I miss dad but that doesn’t mean I don’t wanna hear about you..” 

His mother looked at him with sadness and sighed, “I’ll tell you tomorrow but you have to sleep all night though go it?” 

“... Promise?” He pouted, asking with fake tears.

“I promise, goodnight Tamaki.” And with that, she closed the window and left him to sleep another night away…

❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️

Name: Tamaki Kamado

Nick name: Sun

Age: 15-17

Height: 5’7

Gender: Male

Birthday: December 24th

Breathing Style: Sun Breathing, he knows only the first 3 forms.

Slayer Rank: Tsuchinoto.

Nichirin Sword: A regular Nichirin blade with a sun brim.

Personality: A similar one to Tanjiro’s, bright and caring- he puts others before himself. Tamaki’s very understanding and empathetic to others' pain, always trying to comfort them. He’s not a fan of being mean, but when it comes to battle it’s like he becomes a whole new person. He’s quiet, stern and even brings out an insult, taking after his mother when it comes to combat.

Backstory: Tamaki was born 2 years after the war had ended, his parents being Tanjiro Kamado and Kanao Tsuyuri. At first, life was pretty normal. Two parents that loved him and took care of him, telling him all their adventures as Demon Slayers. Tamaki loved hearing about them, though his mother never said much. He’d hang out with the butterfly triplets a lot since they were the closest to his age, Aoi would babysit him also in case someone in the house got sick. 

From the time he was one, he was told his father would die at 25 because of the Slayer Mark he got. Tamaki was scared but ultimately accepted it, after all it’s not like he’d forget him because of the memories they’d make. Tanjiro taught him most of Sun Breathing- or more so showed him since he was FAR too young to hold a weapon. Tamaki watched with enthusiasm, he wanted to one day hold a blade and use Sun Breathing just like Tanjiro. He was close to everyone that survived the war and those who Tanjiro knew.

Later, he’s now 5, he got a baby cousin named Tenshi Agatsuma. Tamaki treasured her like his little sister and swore to look out for her. By this time however… Fear rose, nothing was the same- Senjuro went to kill a demon and he hadn’t come back for over a week and when he did… His arm was missing and half of his face was torn off. He was alive at the cost of pain. He told them another one claiming to be Kibutsuji has decided to take on Muzan’s wishes- Senjuro was lucky to survive. That when havoc broke loose…

Half the old Demon Slayers couldn’t fight anymore, not to mention they haven’t in years and there were no Hashira left. They had to rely on the Demon Slayers that chose to stay, they had to call back the Ubuyashiki clan. They did, everything was slowly put back together as was the demons. Tamaki watched it all and trained much younger- at 8 years old just to fight and protect the Corps in place of his father…

Nothing could ever be the same again…

❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️❤️☀️

[the-garbage-will-do-1138]

Another year gone

Tomorrow is a new year and I guess it’s my duty to give a life update so, here it goes.

January: I realized that the company I was working for was not one I wanted to stick with once I found out they had lied about the benefits package.

February: Taylor and I saw Footloose: The Musical at Beef & Boards

March: I celebrated my 30th birthday and it was a lot less terrifying than I thought it was gonna be.

April: Taylor and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary by driving to Cincinnati to see Lewis Capaldi in concert. It was such a good show and we were lucky to see him when we did. This turned out to be one of his last shows because of his medical issues making it more difficult for him to continue touring.

May: We celebrated Taylor’s 27th birthday

June: We just worked a lot.

July: We saw Taylor Swift in Cincinnati with some friends. It was an incredible experience that I’ll never forget.

Taylor’s dad passed away mid-July

The Barbie movie came out and is now one of my favorite movies I’ve ever seen

I was cast in and started rehearsal for my first Shakespeare play, Love’s Labour’s Lost, as Boyet.

August: We saw five different bands play in August. Amon Amarth, a Viking metal band opened for Ghost at the TCU Amphitheater and we were able to get barrier in the pit. Insane show where Taylor and I both got really sunburnt and heat sick but it was worth it. Two days later we drove back to Indy to the Ruoff Music Center and saw three bands I’ve loved since I was a teenager, Simple Plan, Sum 41, and The Offspring. Yet another incredible show. To finish out the month, Taylor and I were both cast in Creative Arts Councils production of “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.” It was Taylor’s first time ever acting in a play and I was really proud of her for stepping out of her comfort zone.

September: I performed in “Love’s Labour’s Lost” with Parlor City Shakespeare Company. We had three different performances and they all had a really good turnout. Right after finishing Shakespeare, rehearsals for Sleepy Hollow started.

We had another concert scheduled for the 22nd but Taylor wasn’t feeling well so we sold the tickets and stayed home. Then, September 26th happened. The most important day of my life was just a normal Tuesday for everybody else. While at work, Taylor still wasn’t feeling well and decided to take a pregnancy test during our lunch break. The results were literally instant and something we had tried for 5+ years and actually given up on had happened. Taylor was pregnant! (We didn’t go back to work that day)

October: My employer informed me that the company doesn’t give out raises so I tripled my efforts to find a new job.

We went to our first ultrasound and the baby looked like a seahorse. The pregnancy was confirmed by several doctors and it became very real.

We went to Beef & Boards again, this time joined by Bart, and saw “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.” I’ve seen dozens of shows by them and this was one of the best.

The last weekend of the month we had four performances of Sleepy Hollow and Taylor became a thespian

We officially announced the pregnancy to the world.

I took my one week of vacation and started a new job with actual benefits and a $3 pay raise. I never came back from my vacation. I texted my resignation to my boss because that was the level of respect they had earned from me and his response was “Good deal.” Good riddance.

November: November was spent with me getting the hang of my new job. I also cooked a 22lb Turkey for thanksgiving and it only took 6 hours and two mental break downs but it sure tasted good.

December: Had a work Christmas party and actually got enough (paid) time off to make this holiday season memorable. Our last Christmas as a family of two was one of our best.

All in all, 2023 has been one of the best years of my life. I’m still broke but it’s slowly getting better. I love my new job because I’m respected and I actually matter. I love my wife and family and am so excited to welcome our baby in May of 2024. If this is what life in your 30s is like, I’m glad to be out of my 20s. It gets better and I’m glad I’m here to experience it!

[hope-hui]

Unit: Situated Studio Practices 2: The Independent Projects

Exercises

People's Experiences

Kayla (16) 

My Dad passed away 5 months ago in April just 9 days before my 16 birthday. [...] A man finally entered the room holding a clipboard of documents. I prayed in my mind that everything would be fine and my dad would be awake in the room waiting for us. But, when the doctor told us he hated to be the bearer of bad news, I just sat there as he told us that my dad had passed away. I don’t remember much except the moments where I was brought to the room he was kept in. I hated how there were wires connected to him and a tube going down his throat. I couldn’t bare to look and he felt cold, unlike the warm feeling my dad usually had. Maybe a week after his death we finally found out my dad had a heart disease and died because of a blockage in his main artery causing him to have a heart attack. After my dads death, I found it hard to go to school yet I still managed. But I feel that a lot of people don’t understand what I’m going through and expect that now I shouldn’t be upset anymore which isn’t true. I know it’s hard and I still struggle today, but no one is alone and you shouldn’t feel ashamed to talk about how you feel or the loved one you have lost.

Michaela (24)

My family which consisted at the time of my parents, me, and my two younger brothers, were driving back home after church. My oldest brother needed to go to the library to work on some of his homework, and the rest of us went home. My mom had been sick with a virus for a few months at that point but she seemed to only be getting worse as time went on. [...] Then the death sentence came: Time of Death: 22:13." Coping for the next year or so was next to impossible and I hit rock bottom about 7 months afterwards, and took me another year to fully get out of that hole I was in. The pain of losing Mom is still there 5 years later and it is still just as intense as it was then, but I've gotten used to constantly bearing that pain 24/7/365.

Madison (13)

On July 28th, 2018 I lost my mom. The sherriff of my county came and knocked on my door while I was playing with my friend in the playroom. I thought my grandma had hit another telephone pole so I shrugged it off. When my grandma came to pick up all of my older and younger siblings except me and my older sister, I realized something was off. Me, dad, and my big sister headed to the hospital and he explained what had happened. I didn't shed a tear. My dad had said: “Hey Maddy I know you really love your mom so you have to come with us so she can see somebody. The Deputy hit her car.” I said “Okay Dad. I hope she's okay.” We drove an hour and a half to get to the hospital. We had gotten into the hospital at noon. I ran in and said my mommy was there. The nurse waited for my big sister and dad. My dad said the name and we were sent to a quiet room. The head doctor came in and said " I'm so sorry, she didn't make it." I was bawling but asked if I could see her. I got to give her a big hug and a kiss on the forehead. After that I haven't been quite the same. She was the biggest influence in my life. She was gorgeous and I'll admit, she wasn't perfect, but she was my mommy. In December My Uncle died, and My papaw died in March. I really wasn't ready for that. I don’t think I will ever be the same. In early July, my friend Danielle died in a car accident too. I will never think of anything like I did before. I will also never stop thinking about them. Grief is something you never fully go through, and that's okay. I loved them all, and the closure of knowing they loved me too, is what keeps me sane.

14 April 2023

[cjsinkythoughts]

In Need of a Breath

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 4007

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Zemo, Feelings, Another PTSD Flashback

A/N: So…Part 4 is going to have a couple parts to it. Maybe even three. I didn’t even make it half way through the episode on this one, mainly because I really wanted to fit in the Reader’s backstory and I wanted her and Sam to have a heart-to-heart again. I’m suuuuper tired, so I probably won’t be posting the next part for another few hours (it’s 5 am right now and I haven’t slept), BUT it’s my day off work and I won’t be doing anything I planned because my grandmother had a stroke a couple days ago so plans have changed and I’m staying in to help her, meaning I’ll mostly be writing all day. 

This Part is kind of a mix between off-screen and shot-by-shots, but it’s mostly off screen/what’s going on inside Reader’s head.

I’m really excited about future parts and the characters that are being introduced! I will say that after these parts, I will be doing one shots of previous MCU movies with the Reader, due to the information that is being given about the Reader now. You kind of see more of how she was affected/how she affected the previous MCU movies and what she was doing during that time.

Like always, this hasn’t been beta’d, again it’s SUPER early in the morning, and I’m really tired, so please excuse any mistakes! I hope you guys enjoy this part! Stay tuned for more to come later today!

FATWS MASTERLIST

cjsinkythoughts MASTERLIST

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

“You know…I’m really starting to regret saying yes to this.” You huffed out, craning your neck and squinting your eyes against the sun as you stare at the facility in front of you, hating the skin-crawling feeling of being back.

“Would you relax? Whenever you’re nervous, I get nervous, and I don’t wanna be nervous about this.” Sam shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“Do either of you have a better plan?” Bucky grumbled, crossing his arms.

Gnawing on your lips, you finally take the lead and breathe out, “alright. Let’s go then.” You could feel the hesitance from your - what were they? Partners? Coworkers? Teammates? - the fellas before they started after you.

There was a sick twist in your gut as you entered the building, going through the lobby and security.

You had been there.

You had been there when Zemo impersonated Bucky. You had been there when Zemo unleashed the Winter Soldier at the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre Building in Berlin. You had been there during the battle at the airport. You had been there when Zemo turned Tony and Steve against each other in Siberia. You had been there when Zemo tore the Avengers from the inside out. Your family. The only family you’d ever known.

But you’d always been good about pushing your personal feelings aside for the sake of the mission. It’s what you’d been born to do. All you ever knew.

“Hey. Doll. You hear me?”

“Hmm. What?” You looked up from the ground to look into those enchanting blue oceans Bucky had for eyes, staring worriedly down at you, eyebrows pinched and forehead creased.

“I’m going in alone.” You frowned, opening your mouth to argue, but he shook his head. “Sam already agreed-”

“I didn’t necessarily agree-”

“You’re an Avenger, sweetheart.” Bucky tilted his head, speaking softly, those eyes of his worried. Worried for you. It made your stomach flip. “And you were there in Siberia, and that almost makes it worse. Especially considering you went after him. Just…just let me do this, okay?”

You cracked your knuckles nervously as you thought. It was a terrible idea. But it was an idea. And it was all they had. “Okay.” You finally relented, shrugging as your hands hit your thighs and slid up to your hips. “But don’t do anything stupid.”

“Steve took all that with him.”

Knowing about their little inside joke, you scoffed. “Sure he did. Go before I change my mind.”

You watched him walk down the hallway, hands fidgeting with excess nerves. “I think you’re the only one he actually seeks approval from.”

“Good thing I’m so lenient then, huh?” You joked, turning to Sam with a strained smile. Your smile slipped at the curious expression on Sam’s face, his eyes darting to each of your features. “What?”

“Are you doing okay?”

You groaned, throwing your head back. You thought you got out of talking about your feelings back in Baltimore. “Oh my God, Sam-”

“I’m serious. You…you just don’t seem like yourself.”

You shook your head, looking down the hall to where Bucky disappeared before turning back to him. It was weird to have a self that people recognized. Your whole life you’d been searching for it and when you finally found it…everything went to shit. “Honestly, Sammy, the only time I’ve ever felt like myself was with the team. Zemo took that away from me and now we’re here, practically begging him for help.”

Sam hummed, leaning against the wall. “Have you thought of taking a break?”

“What?”

“A break.” At your bewildered look, he rolled his eyes. “Cher, this time last year most of us were dead. This time a few months ago you found out about Wanda. This time last week you were out looking for her. Maybe you should just stop and take a breather.”

Shoving your hands in your pocket and looking at the floor, you couldn’t help but snort at his advice. “I haven’t taken a breather since I was eighteen.”

He clicked his tongue. “That’s my point. FBI academy as soon as you graduated. SHIELD recruit by 21, undercover operations leader by 24? Slow down. You’re in your thirties. Next thing you know, you’re gonna be ninety something, lying on your deathbed, wishing you had stopped to smell the roses.”

“If I live to be ninety, shoot me.” He chuckled in amusement. “I’m so fucking serious, Sam. I will not be put in an old folks home to play Bingo and be pushed around in a wheelchair. It ain’t happening.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” There was that infectious smile, which you unconsciously grinned back at. “Y/N…I’m serious. You’ve been in and out of missions since you were a teenager. What’s the shortest undercover operation you’ve done?”

“I dunno.”

He gave you an unimpressed look. “Yeah you do.”

Licking your lips, you turned away and shrugged. “A couple months. Seven weeks and three days, to be precise. September to October in 2012.”

“And the longest?”

“August 2007 to May 2009. Twenty one months.” 

Letting out a puff of air through his nose, Sam pushed himself off the wall and caught your chin between his fingers to make you look at him. “That’s nearly two years under cover. And I’m sure you went right back under after-”

“I was sitting at a desk for four months doing paperwork on it.” You defended yourself.

He shook his head, brows knitting together, lips drawn down. “You say that as if four months is enough time.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Sammy. I’m out. I’ve been out since Ultron and Sokovia. I haven’t been under in almost a decade-”

“A decade half the world was dead for half of-”

“I wasn’t!”

“I never said you were.” Sam sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. You were always amazed at his ability to keep his emotions in check. To stay cool under pressure. Sometimes you forgot how experienced he was with dealing with other people’s trauma. It was no wonder why Steve thought he’d be good for Bucky. “Listen. All I’m saying is once this is done…don’t go diving back into searching for Wanda. Don’t go running to the kid every time he calls - and I know you’ve been doing that-”

“It’s just been homework and stuff-”

“Y/N.” You stopped, biting your lip at the stern look he gave you. “Go home. Order take out. Binge watch TV. Go for a jog through the park. Actually meet your neighbors. Go grocery shopping. Just…live. If only for a couple weeks. Don’t worry about anyone else. Don’t pick up the phone, don’t drop everything because someone needs you. You need you.”

“I-I…” You shook your head, looking at him, sincerely apologetic. “I can’t. I wish I could. But I can’t. I’ve never had one normal day in my life. I’ve never had someone to care for, never had someone to care for me. I can’t let people I’ve come to…I can’t let them think I don’t care. I don’t even know where I’d go.”

“Whaddya mean?”

You winced, not thrilled for his reaction to your next statement. “I, uh, I sold my apartment in D.C.”

He gaped at you in complete disbelief. “You got it in December!”

“I know, I know. I liked it. I really did, but…I dunno. Nomadic life has always suited me better. It’s what I grew up with.”

He took a breath, making you cringe again. You don’t think you’ve ever legitimately gotten on his nerves like this before. “Have you ever thought that, instead of going with the flow and jumping place to place, putting down roots might actually help?” He cut you off before you could say anything, holding up a finger to stop you from talking. “I can’t imagine going from foster home to foster home like you did. I can’t imagine not having a home for as long as you can remember. Louisiana’s my home. Always has, always will be. But I understand your life has been anything but stable. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why you need some stability.”

You clenched your jaw, crossing your arms. “The Avengers were my stability. Steve was my stability.”

“Because you loved him.”

“I’m not doing this with you again.” You turned to walk down to the lobby to wait for Bucky there, but Sam caught your arm.

“You were in love with him! It’s okay! You two were super close! No one would blame you! Why won’t you just admit it? I’m trying to understand! Why won’t you-”

You tugged your arm away, finally snapping at him. “Because he could never be mine, Wilson! Is that what you wanna hear?!” Sam took a step back at your exclamation. You closed your eyes, swallowing the lump in your throat and pushing down the tears. “He could preach all he wanted about moving forwards, Sammy, but we all knew he was stuck in the past. He visited the museum every Thursday because her interview showed in his exhibit on Thursdays. He carried around that broken compass because her picture was in it.” You looked back up at him sadly, shrugging. “And I get it; it’s hard to move past your first love. I get it because…that’s what he was to me.”

There was a silence that blanketed the hallway, before he spoke up hesitantly. “What about Bucky?”

“I thought - I thought I was projecting my feelings for Steve onto him because I knew Steve couldn’t ever…”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “You thought? What do you think now?”

You cleared your throat. “I’m still figuring that one out.”

“If you ever need to talk, I’ll be here.”

You chuckled, nodding slightly towards him. “Back atcha. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not being yourself lately, either.”

“It’s…a tough topic.”

You nodded in understanding. “Just know that I’ll support every decision you make as long as you think it’s the right one. Because I trust you. Steve trusted you. It’s all we can do to try to do what’s right. That’s what makes you a good man, Sammy. He gave you that shield for a reason, and if you think what you did was right…I’ll stand by it.”

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, calming down in each other’s presences and taking comfort knowing you’d be there for each other through thick and thin. “Thank you, cher.”

“Of course, Sammy. Now let’s go see what’s taking the old grump so long.”

He laughed at that, nodding in agreement, taking your offered hand and squeezing it as you made your way down the hall.

****************

“What?”

Bucky eyed you as you spluttered, coughing on the water you were drinking. “Please don’t choke, doll.”

“Break him out of jail?!” You repeated his words and blinked at him, absolutely baffled by his plan. “Oh my God.” You groaned as Bucky and Sam started arguing, moving your flashlight around the room. “Where the hell are we?” There was no response as they kept going back and forth.

“Zemo’s gonna mess with our minds! Especially yours! No offense.”

“Heelllloooo!” You tried again. “Where the hell are we?!”

Bucky turned on the lights, giving Sam a look. “Offense.” Glancing at you he quirked an eyebrow. “Stop worrying your pretty lil’ head, sweetheart. You trust me, dontcha?” Your breath hitched at his words. You quickly recovered, huffing and pouting - although you’d deny ever pouting - and crossing your arms. You stood between the guys like that, eyes darting to whoever was speaking, waiting for them to stop so you could actually think.

“Look. Let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?”

You and Sam exchanged glances. “What did you do?”

“I…didn’t do…anything.” Bucky shrugged.

“How is it that you, one of the most deadliest assassins basically ever, are one of the worst liars I know.” You tilted your head at him, an eyebrow quirking up in confusion.

“Shush it you. Just, okay. The weakest point in any system isn’t the software, the hardware, it’s the meatware. The human element.”

The more you listened to Bucky’s “hypothetical”, the stronger the gut feeling telling you this was a terrible terrible idea got. You brought your hands up to your head, eyes wide as he spoke.

“I don’t like how casual you’re bein’ about this. This is unnatural.”

You couldn’t help but agree with Sam’s words, your head falling back and your eyes closing. “Sweet Jesus. Listen, God, I know we don’t talk much these days, but please, please don’t let this not be a hypothetical. I’m fucking begging you.”

A noise to your right made your head snap over. “Oh hell to the fucking no!” You shook your head as Zemo himself walked in, wearing a prison guards uniform. “Uh-uh! No way! Bucky, this was not part of the plan!”

“What did you do?!”

“We need him!”

“You’re going back to prison.”

“If I may-”

All three of you faced him, simultaneously shouting, “no!”

You held your face in your hands as your head dropped, shaking back and forth, your eyes squeezing shut, tuning them out for just a minute to think. Bucky had a point. The enemy of my enemy is my friend and all that, and the Avengers were technically disbanded, which was Zemo’s whole objective in the first place, but…God. You were good at compartmentalizing, but not that much. You were willing to put your feelings aside for the mission so Bucky could talk to him. Not for you to work with him. But he had connections, you knew he did, and he had information…

“Doll?” You looked up, Bucky anxiously licking his lips as he met your gaze. “I need you to say something.”

You looked to Sam, who shrugged, gesturing to Zemo. “What do you think?”

What did you think? What did you think?! You thought that it was the worst idea in the history of ideas and you should turn back and find another way! But…you knew this was the fastest, probably most reliable way to get information that you needed.

Dammit, since when were you the deciding factor?

You sucked in a breath, looking over Sam’s shoulder at Zemo, who lifted his hand in greeting. You raised your eyes to the ceiling, pointing your finger accusingly. “This is why we stopped talking.” Gaze dropping to the still waiting fellas, you gnawed on your lip, before hissing out, “ffffine…” Running a hand through your hair, you threw your hands up as you shrugged. “Fine. Okay. Fine.”

“Okay.” Sam nodded, taking charge again.

You couldn’t believe this was happening. Except, that was a lie. You could. You’d seen weirder. You’d experienced the impossible. Lived through the unbelievable. This…this was completely imaginable.

Which is why, with a lot of hesitation and very little confidence in this plan, you followed Zemo through the auto shop you were in until you reached a large room with a ton of different old cars.

Bucky’s hand found yours as Zemo explained what the plan was, rather vaguely, in your opinion, but at least he was explaining. Point for him. Not that it would make up for the level of distrust you held for him, but it was something.

You looked up at him, giving him a puzzling frown. He usually only grabbed your hand in front of other people when he was feeling anxious. Which, yeah, he had a right to be anxious right now, but it wasn’t the right kind. The type of anxiety caused by large crowds and loud noises, ones that startled him and threw him into a defensive mode.

But the look on his face made you squeeze his hand in reassurance. He was pouting, staring at you although he did something wrong - a puppy that tore up a pillow - and all you wanted to do was give him a hug.

“You’re mad at me.” He mumbled as the four of you headed out with Zemo in the lead.

“No I’m not.”

“Yeah you are. 

“Bucky, I’m not mad.”

“Listen, if I had a better idea I wouldn’t-”

You brought your linked hands up to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his gloved knuckles. “I’m not mad.” You repeated more firmly. “It’s just…a lot for me, right now.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on, Buck, I-I just…” You thought about your and Sam’s earlier conversation and suddenly understood what he meant. “I need to breathe for a second.”

His features twisted into ones of uncertainty, eyes squinting as you stepped outside. “Do you…do you wanna leave?”

You shook your head, tugging his arm to stop him and grabbing the sunglasses on his collar, slipping them over his eyes. “No. I just need some time to think. Hopefully the plane ride to wherever the hell we’re going will give me that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, James. I’m sure.”

He lowered the glasses on his nose to scan you over the frames, before nodding and sliding them back up. “Okay. You ready for this, then?”

“No.” You breathed, turning back to where Zemo and Sam were still walking. “Let’s do this.”

*****************

Climbing onto the private jet, you raised an eyebrow at Sam, who shrugged, giving you a bemused expression. A Baron…huh…who knew? You feel like you should’ve, yet there you were.

You sat besides Bucky, across from Zemo, crossing your legs and leaning back while staring at him through narrowed eyes.

His butler seemed nice, which made you even more suspicious. You obviously didn’t know as much about Zemo as you wanted to. It was a habit you picked up after years of undercover work; once the mission was complete, that was that. There was no looking back on it. No sitting on it. It was over and you moved onto the next one. It was a bad habit in cases like this.

The moment you spotted the notebook over Zemo’s book you knew something was going to happen, yet you still flinched when Bucky lunged at him, grabbing his throat. You leaned back in your seat again, steadying your now racing heartbeat. You decided you were too tense, trying to relax your muscles as Bucky sat back down in his seat.

“I’ve seen that book. It was Steve’s when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man. He wrote it in that book.” Sam seemed so proud of himself that something he recommended was written in Steve’s little book and it made you smile.

You remembered that; Steve and you were supposed to meet up for coffee after his run, but Fury called him in so you rescheduled it for when he got back. He asked you about Marvin Gaye. For your opinion. You told him to check it out and make his own.

You remembered asking him about that little notebook of his, and he just shrugged you off telling you about his list. He would read items off to you, but he never let you read the book yourself. You never found out why, and you supposed you never would now. The thought made an ache behind your ribs that you’d come to familiarize yourself with appear.

You smiled a little more as Zemo and Sam told Bucky how awesome Marvin Gaye was. “C’mon, baby. Back me up.”

Chuckling, you looked at Bucky. “They’re not wrong. But,” you quickly added before Bucky could whine at you, facing Sam again. “Neither is Buck. I mean, c’mon. You can’t find music like the 40’s anymore. Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Benny Goodman, Fred Astaire. Ol’ Blue Eyes himself.”

“Thank you.” Bucky grinned at Sam, who rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay. But, I mean, c’mon! Everybody loves Marvin Gaye.”

“I like Marvin Gaye.”

“Steve adored Marvin Gaye.”

Your face fell as Zemo started talking about Steve and icons and Red Skull, your mind once again slipping away from reality.

~

“Kids love you.” You giggled as you finally made it out of his exhibit. You’d wanted to show it to him since he moved to D.C., and you’d finally got an opportunity after coming back from being undercover for ten weeks. “You’re their hero, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just trying to do what’s right.”

You nudged him, scoffing at his answer. “You’re too humble. You’re a national icon, you know.”

Steve shrugged, looking around the museum at the planes surrounding them. “I never wanted to be.”

“Why not? Everyone loves you.”

“I’m sure not everyone loves me.” He rolled his eyes. “And…I just wanted to help. To fight. Protect my country and the people I cared about. I-I didn’t ask for…all that.” He waved behind his shoulder where his exhibit was getting smaller with each step they took away. “People were dying. Bullies were winning.”

You shook your head, spinning and walking backwards besides him to face him. “Sure, but you did that. And you became someone people could look up to in the process.”

He narrowed his eyes at you before asking, “why do you do what you do?”

“...because I’m good at it?”

“Honey.” He gave you a look. “Answer the question.”

You hummed in thought. “Because I couldn’t stand by, knowing there would be orphaned kids if I didn’t help any way I could.”

“Alright. Why do you do it in the dark?”

“Whaddya mean?”

He shrugged. “Why don’t you come out and take credit for all the lives you’ve saved?”

“Because that’s not why I do it. I don’t want that attention. I just want to know I’ve helped people. I’ve kept them safe.”

He gave you a soft smile. “I just wanted to beat the bully. I never wanted to be a dancing monkey, too.” You looked at him in a new light then, understanding where he was coming from. “Watch out, honey!” He grabbed you and pulled you aside before you could crash into a wall, arms wrapped firmly around your waist. He gave you that charming smile of his. “Wouldn’t want you hurting that pretty lil’ head of yours, now would we?”

~

“Y/N!”

You snapped back into the conversation, moving your eyes from the window to Bucky, who tilted his head, eyebrows pinched and eyes narrowed. “Sorry. So, Madripoor. That’s a fun place.”

You ignored the side eyed glances Bucky and Sam exchanged, Sam turning to you curiously. “You’ve been?”

“Once. Back in 2010 for a few months”

Zemo raised his eyebrows. “You’re lucky to have gotten out.”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “Lucky, maybe. Skills were a part of it, too, though.”

“Good.” Zemo nodded. “Because we’re going undercover…and if we blow it. We’re dead.”

You breathed out, shaking your memory away and getting your head back into the game. Because like the man you were severely wary of in front of you said, if you blew this, you were dead. And, sure, you didn’t want to live until ninety, but you weren’t even half way there yet. So dammit if you were going to die soon.

“Hey.” You looked over at Bucky’s murmur, his head tilting as he grabbed your hand and pulled you from your seat closer to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Are you okay? You know you’re going to have to be-”

“I know.” He nodded. You watched his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed thickly. “I’ll be fine. Just…tell me right now if you need to step out for this one.”

You gave him a smile that you knew he didn’t buy, just by the slight narrowing of his eye, his lips pressing together. “No. No, I’m good for this. If you think I’m gonna let you two idiots go into Madripoor with him - alone - oil that cyborg brain of yours, because there’s no way.”

He squeezed your hand, eyes still filled with uncertainty. “Are you sure?”

“If there’s even a slight possibility that I can protect you, then yeah. I’m sure, Buckaroo.”

[mirukostallbabygirl]

BNHA boys after passing No-Nut-November

Yeah. It’s what it sounds like. Prepare to have your backs blown out folks 😌🤚

Characters: deku, denki, Kirishima, Aizawa, Hawks, Mirio

All characters are 18+

Warnings: Cockwarming, Overstimulation, rough sex, phone sex

Deku ~ Izuku Midoriya

Dude was literally DYING all of November

Because now that he has a girlfriend why wouldn’t he have sex??

But you seemed excited and suspicious of his ability to do it, so— like a true hero— he took on the challenge

He didn’t realize how used to sex he already was, and he sometimes woke up to himself humping a pillow in his sleep (but shh he didn’t tell you about that)

The two of you were texting during the night of November 30

And you could feel the desperation in his texts

Seeing the minutes tick by... 12:30... 12:45... 12:5

It was maddening

He didn’t want to come on too strong, so he decided that he would rather FaceTime you, because he though it would be less awkward (and there aren’t receipts if you say no)

But you were one step ahead of him

You had your alarm set to go off at 12:00 AM December 1st

He was startled when the annoying chime blasted out of your phone, stuttering on what he was saying

So you cut him off, turning your screen to show the time and asking “hey baby, do you want to come over?”

This mans eyes SPARKLED LIKE A KID ISTG

He didn’t even reply. You just saw a shaky view of his room and the sound of shuffling clothes and shoes, then the click of a door lock

He showed up at your door a few minutes later, after having hung up without another word on his way there

You opened the door and there were lips on yours, strong arms gripping your waist

Then groping your tits and ass

He never goes insanely hard

But that was the roughest sex you two had ever had

It honestly made not being able to have sex with him worth it for the absolute monstrous fuck you guys had

And it was a LONG session

You thought about calling in sick from work to stay with him and see if you could make your torn-apart body go for another round

Denki Kaminari

He gets zappy when he’s horny (like— literal electricity)

And he’s horny a lot because you refuse to let him have sec with you, and even worse— he can’t even Jack off to the thought of you

He tried to get away with it a few times only for you to feel the change of static in the air and come to his bedroom

He DEFINITELY would not have made it through if you hadn’t held him accountable the whole time

And even though at those times you were helping, you weren’t making it easy for him otherwise

You’d wear the short skirts that he liked and purposefully bend over to grab things from the floor, flashing yourself to him

It was funny to see how red he got and then how hard he got— smirking when you caught a glimpse at the tent in his trousers

So on November 30, he had it all planned out

He picked out an outfit for you, and set up his room all elegant

And he asked you to come over to spend the night

You were excited

It’s not like the two of always had sex impromtu, but there was never this level of preparation

You came in around 11 for a late-late night dinner (because what’s a sleep schedule— neither of you knew, that was for sure) of boxed macaroni

His lack of cooking ability was endearing

After dinner, he handed you a bag to go change into

It had thigh high socks, thigh harnesses, and a black and gold lingerie set

You looked hot— you couldn’t lie

When you came out you saw that the clock read 11:57

And Denki turned around, turning a bright crimson

You teased him “you picked this out, silly, why are you getting so flustered?”

He pulled you down to straddle despite how red he got

The two of you kissed until the clock hit 12

And it wasn’t like the two of you hadn’t kissed all month, but it felt special when you’d be intimate for the first time in a while

He brought you to the bedroom and the two of you spent a whole 3 minutes being romantic before both of you were ravaging each other

It was hard to tell who missed sex more between the two of you

But you were both relieved it was over

Red Riot ~ Eijiro Kirishima

During all of November, he decided that whenever he was missing your body, he would train

And he did OH HOW he did

He was big and strong and he’d taken on extra hours to work on his hardening quirk, and had shown a lot of improvement

You suddenly had to cope with the fact that your boyfriend got EVEN HOTTER, and you weren’t having sex with him

You even gave in a few times, begging him to fuck you, but every time he denied, “that’s not very manly of me to fail the challenge” he would explain and then head out to the gym

It’s fair to say that it sucked for you

So when November was ending, you made a plan

He worked long hours at his agency, so he wouldn’t be back until it was almost 12, which (you being the night owl you are) has never been a problem

But it was today

So, here you are at his agency, rapping on his office door during his lunch break

He hugged you and pulled you inside of his office like he’s done every day you showed up at his office since you started dating

But you were horny and so was he and the tension was high between the two of you

No one wanted to make the first move, because that would be admitting defeat

So you walked to the side of his desk, his eyes following your ass, and bend down to grab his lunch from the left drawer

You hiked your skirt up enough so that he could see a flash of your panties

You weren’t going to make this last day easy on him, but you weren’t trying to make him lose either

But he was on you after that

Hands on your hips, cock pressed against your clothed ass

And you were so in

You both lost your stubbornness quickly when the lust grew too hard to handle

So you let him pull your panties to the side and start thrusting

God you missed this

And he was so much stronger now

You let out moans as he co tinued, not caring if anyone out in their cubicles heard

You were Red Riot’s and he was yours

You both came, multiple times

And when he relaxed back on his desk chair which you collapsed on his chest

You decided to make the final blow

“You realize you lost, right babe?”

And deep red eyes met yours with a seriousness rivaling that of some prestigious heroes (which was hardly eijiro— everyone loved him as a refreshing kind savior rather than the usual aloofness of heroes)

“I could keep going if you want to be a brat.”

Eraser Head ~ Shota Aizawa

He’s not a very sex-motivated guy

But he definitely liked it every once in a while— especially with you

His baby girl struggling to take him, writhing in pleasure, cumming 2,3,4 times

He loves it

And he decides that he’ll still get to see his baby get pleasure, and just not get any of his own

So most of the month, if you were in the same room as him, you had a vibrator buried deep in your cunt

It didn’t feel the same as him feeling you up, but it was hard to sit still or focus when he was indirectly doing such lewd things to you

So November was long for you

And not in a bad way, but you were ready for it to be over, and you could tell he was, too

He was near his wits end from not getting to unload into his little girl, and it reflected on his teaching

You wondered if his students could tell he was lashing out because of sexual frustration

The thought made you laugh

So he cancelled or denied any plans anyone made that night, and so did you

You spent the afternoon together, watching tv mindlessly as you sat on his cock

That was something you two had done a lot more— cockwarming

It was nice to be so close to him

And he argued that the challenge was that he couldn’t cum, not that he couldn’t have his dick in you

So you agreed

And now it was nearing time, and he started slowly thrusting into you, both of your heads turned to the clock as you counted down the seconds until you could both cum

And when the clock finally shone 12:00, it was over for you

Brutal thrusts from underneath you left you with a cream-filled pussy, and then again on your hands and knees against the couch, and on the kitchen counter, and the bed

He had to make up for all the time he wasn’t able to pleasure you himself

So you let yourself be completely destroyed by his cock multiple times

Your legs were t even working past your 3rd orgasm, so he’d just carry you to his new destination

Hawks ~ Takami Keigo

He loved you, but this was not a hard challenge for him

He hadn’t got laid for most of his teenage years

And the two of you did it only on occasion before you teased the idea and he said that he didn’t think you could do it— not have sex with him

So it was more like no-nut-November for you

But you wouldn’t let his teasing be confirmed

So you stood your ground

The two of you made it through the first week with fire in your eyes— encouraged by the want to win against the other

Even the second week was fine

Then you walked in on him fapping like a teenager in your bedroom, surrounded by a few of your sentimental stuffed animals from when you were a kid and a pair of dirty panties

You didn’t intrude

You just let him

And your fingers made their way to the waistband of your panties

You were egged on by his moans seeping through the wall and to your ears

Gorgeous, erotic, and effortless moans that could make you cum without touching yourself at all

But here you are, rubbing your clit and dipping your fingers into your puffy cunt as he jerked himself off on your bed

The two of you never mentioned this

Neither of you were going to admit that that could t even last 3 weeks

You weren’t even sure he saw you, but you sure saw him

And it didn’t happen again, as much as you wanted it to

The sex wasn’t life changing when he could do it again

The real reason you two were together was because you love the other, and that didn’t go away just because you couldn’t fuck

So the two of you were solidified in the shared opinion that you would be happy no matter what happens

And you spend the night bare against his chest, wings brought around your body in a protective shield

Togata Mirio

He made it through the month just fine, usually too busy training and working to have time for you two to have sex

Instead the two of you work together and cuddle at night

And it’s satisfying, but it’s not mind-blowing for either of you

You’d much rather be able to have sex when he has an off night

He actually has a business trip spanning from November 27-December 3, which was a painfully long time for you

You had gotten your hopes up to be able to be destroyed by him

Instead you two FaceTime every night

And he’s too shy to mention it, but once November has passed, he’s aching to get back to you

Aching to get his cock back buried deep in you

You start touching yourself on FaceTime the night before his flight back

He didn’t notice at first

But he saw your arm flexing as you rubbed tight circles on your clit while listening to his voice

“Whatcha doing there sweetie?”

He asked it all innocent but you know better

You slide the phone down to show your pussy dripping with need

You hear him mutter a soft “fuck” before you hear the sound of unzipping and clothing falling to the ground, keeping yourself in view for him while he shows his equally needy cock on the camera

It’s blushing red on the top, so ready for you you wish you had a teleportation quirk

But the two of you were relieved to be doing just this after so long

And after you both came on your fingers, he promised he would give it to you so good when he got back

And he did not disappoint

[sequinsmile-x]

Day-to-Day

Chapter 4: Aaron

Words: 5k

Warnings: None 

Read over on ao3, or below the cut.

Please let me know what you think <3

December 2009

He’d convinced her to go. Aaron had seen her hesitation as she stood at the front door of their temporary apartment, the twitch in her fingers when Amelia almost immediately reached out for her after Aaron took her. The way she bit her lip when Theo asked her, again, if she really had to go out.

She did have to go, despite how much she would deny it. He knew she needed some time with her friends, and Penelope and JJ had practically begged for a girls night. The 6 months Emily had been gone long and drawn out for all of them. She talked them down to dinner, not wanting to spend too long away from her family that had been so delicately stitched back together. Getting a table at any restaurant so close to Christmas had been difficult, but being the daughter of an ambassador had its advantages, and for once Emily hadn’t been hesitant to use them.

Aaron had sent her on her way with a kiss to her cheek and an assurance that they would be ok without her for a couple of hours.

He was now slightly regretting that decision, but he would never tell her. Their children were feral. Jack was in a mood. His teenage angst was out in full swing this evening, the anger he had experienced shortly after Haley’s death coming back to the forefront in the fallout of the situation with Foyet. He was hiding out in his room, playing a video game and ignoring his father.

Theo was asking where Emily was every few minutes and when she’d be back. He tried to placate his son with his favourite tv show and pizza, and it wouldn’t do. Theo was sitting in the living room, sideways on an armchair as he watched the front door intently. Aaron knew he was going to have to have a conversation with Emily soon about the attachment issues, but it was not the time yet, knowing his wife wouldn’t take it well either. That part of her loved that their son constantly sought her out.

Amelia was cranky. She still didn’t fully trust him, but things were better than they had been when she first shied away from him a few weeks ago. He knows that Emily nursed her before she puts her to bed, that it’s a treasured part of his wifes daily routine, so in the hope that a snack will help he grabs a small yoghurt from the fridge and places her in her high chair.

He feeds her, and although just under half of it ends up on her face, she does calm down a little whilst she is eating. He cleans her up, but she starts fussing again almost immediately.

As soon as Emily walks into the apartment he breathes a sigh of relief. Theo jumps out of the chair and to his mothers side, immediately hugging her.

“Mommy, I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” She kneels down to hug him properly, kissing the side of his head. She pulls back to look at him, thumb worrying over the now mostly healed cut on his forehead that he had acquired during Aaron’s final showdown with Foyet. She looks over and sees Amelia crying in Aaron’s arms. “It’s late, why don’t you go to bed and I’ll come say goodnight in a bit?”

Theo nods, hugging her again before bounding off, throwing a goodnight aimed at his father as he runs down the hallway.

“You were right.” She says, happiness pouring off of her as she removes her coat and shoes at the door. “I really did need that. Pen kept trying to convince me to drink wine even though I told her I’m still nursing.” She says with a laugh in her voice, she turns to him and the smile slides off her face as she takes in the sight of him, and he realises how stressed he must look.

Ameila tries to turn in his arms at the sound of her mother’s voice and starts to cry harder as she reaches out for Emily. Aaron transfers her with little fanfare, knowing that whatever was wrong with the little girl was something only his wife could fix.

“What's this all about, baby?” Emily says as she holds her daughter tightly, her lips pressed to her forehead as she rocks her. “Has she been like this since I left?” She asks as she looks up at her husband.

“The past hour.” Aaron says, watching as Emily gently bounces Amelia in her arms as she attempts to settle the 11 month old. “I’ve been struggling to calm her down.”

The sympathy on his wifes face makes frustration flood his veins, another reminder of something Foyet had taken from him. His relationship with his daughter was still fragile, the way she was still unsure around him a punch to the gut every time she frantically reached out for her mother. Emily looks at the high chair and frowns when she spots the yoghurt pot still sitting on the tray.

“Did she eat that?” Emily asks, her hand rubbing delicate circles on Amelia’s back.

Aaron looks over before turning back to his wife. “Yeah, she was cranky. They all were. I thought a snack would help tide her over until you got home.”

Emily hesitates. It’s fast, almost undetectable, but he catches it.

“Aaron.” Her voice is soft, gentle in a way that was usually only used on the children when she wanted them to know they weren’t in trouble. “She’s lactose intolerant.”

The memory hits him suddenly. Emily curled up next to him in the hotel room they had stayed in when they were first reunited, filling him in on anything and everything to do with the kids. He remembers her telling him that the doctors had got to the bottom of Amelia’s bad stomach, and that she was dairy free herself because she was still nursing her. She’d lamented missing chocolate and cheese, and joked it was her biggest sacrifice as a mother so far.

“I’m sorry.” He stutters, not sounding like himself as it dawned on him. “I’m sorry.” He repeats as he runs his hand through his hair.

“Aaron, baby, it’s ok.” She says, her hand on his arm. She has Amelia on her hip, one arm securing their grumpy baby to her. “It happens. I should have reminded you before I went out.”

“I should know what my daughter can and cannot eat without being reminded.” He seethes, his anger aimed at himself. He tears his arm from under her hand and takes a couple steps back. He watches as she tries to placate him further, useless reassurances on the tip of her tongue. “I’m going out.”

“Honey-”

“I need some air.” He grabs his keys from the side table and leaves the apartment before she can argue any further, the door closing a little too harshly behind him.

Emily sighs and closes her eyes. Amelia buries her head further into her mothers neck, whining as she did so.

“Oh, sweet girl. I know you feel icky.” She kisses the side of her daughter's head and rubs her back. “Let's go see what your brothers are up to.” She kisses her head again and walks through the apartment in search of her sons. ________________

She feeds and settles Amelia before reading with Theo for a bit, smiling as her son drifts off to sleep against her side. She quietly slips out of his room, well practised at the quick and silent exit, and gently closes his bedroom door. Jack gives her a small wave and a grunt when she pops her head into his room, his grumpiness obvious the second she lays eyes on him.

Emily washes her face, blowing out a breath as she takes in the sight of herself in the bathroom mirror. Any joy, any relief she felt after spending an evening with her friends had wilted as quickly as it had bloomed in her chest. The lightness that JJ’s laugh, and Penelope’s overly personal questions about Emily and Aaron’s reunion, had brought was torn away by the devastation in her husband's eyes just before he left the apartment.

Everytime they made progress, every step away from what Foyet had done to Aaron, to their family, it felt like they were thrown right back into it. Emily was exhausted. She missed the version of them that had existed before she had come home to find her husband missing and his blood staining their hardwood floor.

She wondered if they’d ever get the old them back, or if they would slowly build something better. Emily was hopeful that the move to the new house would help, that it would give them new foundations. Somehow even stronger than the ones they had before.

She’s finishing up getting ready for bed, pulling her pyjama shirt over her head, when she hears the front door open, and her husband’s familiar steps throughout the apartment. She hears their bedroom door open and close quickly. She takes a deep breath before she walks out of the ensuite and she sees him sat on the end of the bed, his head in his hands. She sits next to him, purposely keeping her hands to herself despite how much she wants to touch him, to assure him everything was ok. A slight clench in his jaw is the only indicator he has even registered that she's there. She waits him out, knowing he needs to process this himself before he’ll speak to her.

“I should have remembered.” He finally says, removing his head from his hands but not looking at her.

“Aaron-”

“Don’t.” He interrupts, finally looking at her. There are unshed tears in his eyes that make her heart ache. Thoughts about how she could find a way to bring George Foyet back to life just so she could kill him herself burning through her.

“Don’t what?”

“Tell me that it’s ok. Because it isn’t.” He shakes his head at himself. “I gave our little girl…” His voice falters and he clears his throat. “I gave her something that’s made her sick.”

“And so did I.” She reasons, and she grabs his hand. “For the first almost 5 months of her life she was getting it through my breast milk. You did it once. Give yourself a break.”

“I should have remembered.” He says, repeating himself.

“Baby.” She says, moving her hands to grasp his cheeks. “Please stop this. She’s going to be ok. She is ok. She’s fast asleep next door.” She leans her forehead against his, her thumbs stroking his cheeks. “We’re all ok.”

He starts to cry, sobs escaping him that he hadn’t set free since their ordeal had ended. Emily had been waiting for it as he processed everything at his own pace. She pulls him towards her, his head resting on her chest as she wraps her arms tightly around him, one hand in his hair as she presses fierce kisses to the top of his head.

“I’m right here.” She kisses the top of his head again, unsurprised when she can feel her own tears on her face. “You’re ok. I’m here.”

She comforts him like she does their children. With tender words and soft touches, the whispering of nonsense against his hair as he slowly calms. The grip he has on the back of her shirt loosens ever so slightly.

Aaron sniffs as he pulls back, a shaky smile on his face as she wipes his tears away with her thumbs.

“I’m sorry.” He apologies, his voice cracked and torn open by the months of repressed emotion he had let out against her skin.

“You have nothing to apologise for.” Emily says tenderly. “I’m your wife. This is what I’m here for.”

Amelia’s cry through the baby monitor visibly undoes some of the work she had done in calming him down, some tension returning to his shoulders. Emily kisses his cheek before she stands up.

“You get ready for bed, I’ll go see what's up with her.” She says just before leaving the room, crossing the hallway into the small bedroom serving as Amelia’s temporary nursery. Most of the baby's things are boxed up ready for the move to the new house. Emily smiles as she approaches the crib, Amelia already standing with her arms reaching out for her. “What’s wrong, sweet girl?”

She picks up her daughter, settling her on her hip as she kisses the side of her head. Amelia almost immediately settles, her crying quietening down as she presses her face into her mother’s neck.

“You just wanted to cuddle, huh?” Emily says, pacing the small room. “I think your dad could do with a cuddle too.”

Emily walks back into their bedroom to find it empty, but the tap running in the ensuite calms any nerves that he had left again. She settles into bed and lays Amelia on her chest, the baby snuggling down, her fingers grasping at her mother’s shirt.

When Aaron leaves the ensuite he falters slightly at the sight in front of him. Emily catches it, the small hesitation before he climbs into bed. Amelia is already half asleep, the discomfort she had been in when Aaron last saw her gone, and Emily watches the tension leave him as he sees with his own eyes that the baby is ok.

“See, she’s fine.” Emily says, smiling at him as he lays down next to them.

He kisses the top of Amelia’s head, which makes her open her eyes. She reaches out for him and he carefully takes her to settle her against his own chest. Emily smiles as she moves to be closer to them, her head resting on Aaron’s chest next to their daughter. He presses a kiss to the top of his wifes head.

“My girls.”

“Yeah.” She replies. “Your girls.” ________________

April 2021

Aaron sighs in frustration as his phone rings, distracting him from his lesson plans. Emily often teased him for his interpretation of retirement, the profiling classes he taught at the academy taking up a fair amount of his time. He turns from his computer to pick up his cell phone, frowning when he sees a number he doesn’t recognise as he answers.

“An inmate at the Federal Correctional Institution in Otisville, New York is calling you, to accept the charges please press one.” An automated voice says through the phone.

The name of the prison makes him freeze, there is only one person he knew who was in prison in New York. He presses one and puts the phone back to his ear, waiting for the call to connect.

“Aaron?” He hears down the phone, the voice on the other end of the tinny line was unsure, nerves easily showing through.

“Sean?” ________________

The rest of the day goes by in a blur and the next thing he is truly aware of is the front door opening, Amelia and Theo bursting in, both of them animatedly talking about their days.

“Hi Dad.” Theo says as he passes through the kitchen where Aaron is sitting, grabbing a snack and leaving the room almost immediately. “I’ve got loads of homework, back in a bit.”

“Hi Theo.” He says, a small smile on his face as his ever studious 18 year old is already out of the room, his mind clearly on whatever work he was assigned that day.

“Dad, do we have any antacids?” Amelia asks as she joins him in the kitchen, grimacing as she walks in with her arms wrapped around her stomach.

“Are you ok, sweetheart?” He asks, frowning, pulling her into a quick hug she only protests slightly as she walks past.

“Yeah, just a bad stomach.”

Before he can ask any more questions the front door opens again, and Emily’s voice soon follows.

“Hi.”

“We’re in the kitchen, Em.”

She joins them, a wide smile on her face as she kisses his cheek.

“Everything ok?”

“Everything is fine.” Amelia answers far too quickly.

“Mills has a stomach ache.” Aaron says, and he can’t help but smirk at the way she narrows her eyes at him.

“Traitor.”

“Amelia.” Emily says, her hand gently grasping her daughter's chin to tilt her head, sighing when she sees the hives on her neck. “You had the cheese fries for lunch again didn’t you?”

The 12 year old sighs, knowing lying to her mother, to either of her parents, is pointless. “Yes.”

“Baby, you’re lactose intolerant.” Emily chastises as she tucks some of Amelia’s hair behind her ear.

“Mom, it's cheese fries. Totally worth it.”

Emily sighs, knowing that the slight grimace on her daughter's face is nothing to do with her rebuke, but the discomfort she knows she is in.

“There is some Pepto in the medicine cabinet in our bathroom. Go take some and go lie down.”

Amelia smiles gratefully and starts to make her way out of the room before she turns back. “I’m not going to find anything gross in there am I?”

“Amelia.”

“What?” She says, throwing her hands up. “I’ve caught you guys making out way too many times not to check. I’ve been burned before.”

Emily raises an eyebrow at her. “Go. Now.”

“I’m going.” Amelia says as she leaves the room, something a bit too close to a curse word muttered under her breath.

“That girl will be the death of me.” Emily says as she turns to Aaron, his silence throughout her exchange with their daughter, the lack of quips about how similar they were, now only striking her as odd as she takes in the look on his face. His gaze fixed in the distance, not focused on anything in particular. She frowns and takes a step closer to him, placing her hand over his on the counter. “Honey, are you ok?”

He looks at her, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Sean called me.”

Emily doesn’t cover her shock, her hand tightening over his. It had been years since they had heard from Sean. The supposed truce the brothers had come to in New York, when a rare family vacation had turned into a case, had fallen apart as soon as Sean was formally sentenced. Aaron had tried reaching out at the beginning, attempting to visit his brother, but it had always been radio silence on the other side.

Over time he stopped trying, his attempts at calling Sean getting further apart. His requests to go see him stopped. To anyone else it would look like Aaron had accepted it, that he simply was no longer going to be a part of his brother's life. Emily knew better than that.

“What?”

“He called from prison. He wants me to go see him.”

“Oh.” She replies, taking a second before she joins him at the kitchen island, linking their fingers together properly as she settles next to him on one of the stalls. “Are you ok?”

“I think so.” He answers, looking at her, uncertainty all over his face despite his answer. “No.”

Emily places her spare hand on his thigh. “What do you want to do?”

“I want to see him.”

She nods, squeezing his leg in comfort. “Then we’ll go.” She smiles when he turns to look at her, his brows furrowed.

“You don’t have to come with me, it’s fine. I know work is busy.”

“Aaron.” She replies firmly, leaving no room for argument as she moves her hand from his leg to cup his cheek. “I’m coming with you.”

“What about the kids?”

“We’ll be gone one night. Theo is sensible enough to look after Amelia, and Jack lives 20 minutes away if they need him.” She pulls him towards her for a kiss. “Stop arguing with me, it never gets you anywhere.”

His lips twitch, a brief smile taking over. “You think I would have learnt that by now.” _______________

It takes a couple of weeks for them to get things lined up, so that the quick trip to New York wouldn’t disrupt their day-to-day lives too drastically.

Amelia was unimpressed when they told her that Theo was in charge, rolling her eyes at the thought that she needed babysitting, but when they come to leave her attitude fades when she sees how stressed her father was, how on edge he seems as he checks they have everything before they set off on their drive.

She doesn’t remember her Uncle Sean, she had only met him once when she was 3, and she knew enough from what her brothers and parents had told her about that trip to New York to know why she had never seen him again. Another seemingly life changing moment they went through as a family that she had no memory of, relying on hearsay from her brothers and the toned down version she knew her parents told her.

“Please behave for your brother, Amelia.” Emily says as she hugs her daughter.

“I always behave.” She replies, rolling her eyes when she sees her mother raise her eyebrow. “Ok fine, I’ll be good.”

Aaron hugs her next, and Amelia doesn’t miss how he holds her a little tighter than usual. She hugs him back, smiling when he kisses her forehead as they pull apart.

She feels bad for her dad, knowing how much he values his family tells her how much it would hurt him to not be in touch with his brother. Amelia considers how it would feel to not be speaking to Jack or Theo, and despite how much they both annoy her frequently the idea makes her heart clench.

“Call if you need anything, ok?” Aaron says and Amelia nods before pulling him back into a hug.

“I love you, Daddy.” She says, using the moniker she dropped a couple years ago and it makes her chest fill with happiness when he smiles into the top of her head.

“Love you too, Amelia.” ________________

The drive is long, and quiet, and by the time they pull up to the prison Emily is grateful to see it. Aaron had insisted on driving and she’d let him, knowing it would ultimately be worse for him to not be occupied on the trip here. She was planning on taking over when they left for their drive back to the city, but she hadn’t mentioned it yet, knowing that he would already try and argue that point.

They get through security and are shown to the visiting room. They take a seat next to each other and Emily turns to him, trying to read her husband’s face.

“Are you ok?”

He chuckles. “Ask me later.”

A buzzer sounds and a door opens, prisoners walking out and greeting their family and friends. Towards the back is Sean. Emily thinks of the first time she met him. He wasn’t much older than Amelia was now, and already damaged by the things he had been exposed to in his young life. She remembers how he had been nervous around her, a crush on her that he barely concealed.

“Aaron, Emily.” He says as he makes it to the table. Aaron stands and hugs him, and then Emily does the same.

“Sean, how are you?” Aaron asks as they sit down.

“As good as I can be considering I’ve been here nearly 10 years.” He says, his eyes fixed on his brother. He looks at them both. “You guys have hardly changed. How are the kids?”

“I have a picture.” Aaron says, pulling out his wallet and removing the photo of his family that he keeps in there. It was taken on Emily and Theo’s birthday the year before, her 50th and his 18th, all five of them and Sara together and smiling. It was one of his favourites. He slides it across the table to let his brother look at it.

“Wow, they look grown up.”

“It’s been a long time.” Aaron says, the conversation stilted. The awkwardness cloying, making the air around the table feel thick.

“Jack is 28 now, and married. That’s his wife, Sara, in the picture with us” Emily says, trying to break the tension. “Theo is 18 and Amelia is 12.”

Aaron is staring at his brother, profiling him as he listens to Emily talk about the kids. He watches as she explains that Jack is a resident at Georgetown, and that Theo was going to Cornell in the fall. He watches as his brother listens to her stories about Amelia, their wild thing of a daughter who kept them both on their toes. He recognises his brother's expression, it’s one he perfected when they were young, a way to get what he wanted from their mother. It clicks in his head, and he wonders why he didn’t think of it sooner.

“What do you want Sean?” He asks, interrupting the conversation between his wife and brother.

“Aaron-” Emily begins to say, uncertainty in her voice.

“He wants something. That's why he asked me to come here.” He looks back at his brother, and Sean chuckles slightly.

“You don’t miss anything do you? I’m up for parole soon.” Sean explains. “My lawyer said it would be good to have someone upstanding talk at my hearing, and I don’t know anyone more upstanding than you.”

“You want me to talk at your parole hearing? That’s why you got in touch?”

Emily feels how tense her husband gets next to her, the disappointment he clearly feels at Sean only getting in touch because he needed something palpable. She grabs his hand under the table, providing the best support she can in the moment. He lightly squeezes her hand in a silent thank you.

“Yeah. I told my lawyer what you do for a living and he said it was perfect.” Sean says, missing the way his brother sighs, the brief closing of his eyes as he tries to cover his disappointment. “So will you?”

“Of course.” Aaron replies, clearing his throat as he does. “Get your lawyer to send me the details.” He turns to Emily. “Excuse me for a second.”

He gets up and walks towards the bathroom. Emily turns her attention back to her brother-in-law.

“Are you kidding me, Sean?” She says, exasperated.

“What?” Sean asks, his face screwed up in confusion.

“It’s been 9 years.” She explains. “9 years and you reach out because you want something.”

“It’s thanks to him that I’m in here in the first place.”

“You know that’s not true, Sean.” Emily implores, and she stares at him until he relents and nods. “He’ll do it for you because he’s your brother and he loves you. But when you get out you will work on your relationship with him. I won’t let you use him for this and then disappear from our lives again.”

“Are you...threatening me, Emily?” He asks, an eyebrow raised at her in a way that reminded her of Aaron.

“Very much so.” She says seriously, before she smiles. “I’d also like you to get to know my kids better.”

“I’d like that too.” ________________

When they get to their hotel in the city he barely looks around the suite they have for the night before he goes into the bathroom. Emily sighs as she puts her bag down and goes to the mini bar, grabbing a drink for each of them.

She feels his arms wrap around her from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder.

“Did I ever tell you that you’re my favourite wife?”

‘I’m your only wife.” She chuckles, turning to give him his drink.

“That works out well then.” He leans down and kisses her. “Thank you for today.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” She cups his neck, and strokes her thumb over his jawline. “My place has always been by your side.” Emily kisses him quickly. “Lets go sit down.”

She leads him over to the couch in the room, leaning against him as they get comfortable. They sit in silence for a while, having their drinks whilst his fingers trail up and down her arm.

“I let him down.” Aaron says eventually, making Emily turn to look at him, a curious look on her face. “Sean. I’ve been letting him down since we were kids.”

“Honey, you know that's not true.”

“It is. I left when he was young, I left him in that house with the ghost of our father and our shell of a mother.” He says bitterly, throwing back the rest of his drink.

Emily stares at him for a second before she takes his glass out of hand and places it with hers on the table next to the couch. She settles herself over his lap, straddling him in a way that makes him raise an eyebrow and place his hands on her hips. She cups his face in both her hands.

“Listen to me, Aaron. You are not to blame for any of this. You were a kid yourself, Theo’s age, and you wanted to start your own life. You are not responsible for your parents and what they did or didn’t do. Or for the decisions that Sean has made that has led him to where he is.” She looks directly into his eyes, looking for some understanding or agreement. “Ok?”

“Ok.” He nods his agreement, and she can tell he isn’t completely convinced, but it’s enough to placate her for now.

She still wants to cheer him up, so she changes tactics, moving her hands so she’s cupping the back of his head instead before she leans down to kiss him. She presses herself closer to him, signalling her intent, she smiles against his lips when he pulls her closer, his grip on her hips tightening.

“Let's go to bed.” She says, slightly breathless as she pulls away.

“I like the way you think, Mrs Hotchner.”

[farfromharry]

7 and 15 with dad!tom 🎄

summary: you’re sick when your family decides to decorate for christmas, only to surprise them christmas morning with the reason why

dad tom holland x reader

hope this is okay!

w/c 0.6k

“oh hunny.” tom stroked your hair as you laid your head down in his lap. your throat was burning from throwing up and you just felt hungry. this is how it’d been going for the past few days, you’d been throwing it, the two of you assuming you had some kind of bug or food poisoning.

you’d been devastated that you barely got to spend the start of december with your babies, the christmas month being their favourite month.

“daddy!” your little girl yelled, running into your room. he smiled at her, letting her climb onto his other knee.

“can we decorate?” she asked, her big brown eyes like a puppy. tom looked down at you and you gave him a small smile.

“i’ll just watch, s’okay.” the 4 of you made your way downstairs, tom helping you get comfy on the couch with a blanket.

“you okay?”

“perfect, thank you.” he kissed your head, leaving you to lazily amuse the kids for a few minutes while he went and grabbed the christmas decorations from upstairs. when tom came back downstairs scarlett and theo ran in his direction, well theo stumbled in his direction.

you giggled watching them, catching eyes with tom, who looked ridiculously happy.

without your help it took slightly longer to put up the tree, but tom eventually got it and then let your 2 little munchkins at it to put on baubles.

“and, done!” tom announced, motioning with his arms towards the beautifully lit up tree.

“it looks amazing, you did a great job.” tom thanked you, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips.

a few weeks later it was finally christmas day, you and tom had already woken up early due to theo’s awful sleep schedule, now just waiting for your little princess to wake up.

theo laid in the middle of you and tom, giggling when tom tickled him.

“it’s christmas!” you heard, looking to your door to see scarlett running in with a large smile.

“hi baby.” she jumped on the end of your bed, being careful of theo, but moving to cling to you like a koala.

“can we go downstairs?” she asked, excitedly. you nodded. you both got out of bed, you taking theo in your arms and tom scooping up scarlett.

they’d both opened their presents within an hour, leaving your special present as the only one left under the tree.

“this one’s from us, for all of you.” tom gave you a look when you said us, confused who you were referring to.

“open it.” he let the kids tear off the wrapping paper, finding a delicate pink box with a blue ribbon. tom probably should have picked up on the clues, but he was too wrapped up in finding out what it was.

tom’s eyes widened when a pregnancy test fell out, your kids screwed their faces in confusion, looking between tom who let out a laugh.

“are you serious?” you grinned, nodding your head with tears in your eyes. tom leaned over and hugged you tightly, tears freely running down his face.

“mummy, what’s going on?” tom pulled back and pulled your 5 year old into your lap, pushing her hair behind her ear. you took your 2 year old, kissing his cheek and sitting him on your knee.

“mummy’s going to have a baby, you’re going to have another little sibling.” scarlett’s eyes lit up, theo having no idea what you just said.

“can i have a sister, mummy?” you laughed, wiping your happy tears with the back of your hand.

“we’ll see.”

tom holland + permanent taglist - @seutarose @lmaotshollandd @photoshopart15 @hopelessly-harry @drie-the-derp @sunkisseddreamer @call-me-baby-gir1 @fallinfortom @icyhollands

[nekoannie-chan]

Life update

TW: DEPRESSION, MENTION OF SURGERY, MENTION OF THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE, MENTION OF BEING CLOSE TO DIE

 Well, I don’t know how to start to explain what happened, maybe you notice I’m not posting new fics as I used to do, some days I disappeared, the lack of interaction, here’s a kind of explanation (that none asked and you don’t have to read because is too long), which honestly was too difficult for me wrote it without crying.

I think everything started on my birthday week, dad got a stomach infection, but he was very sick, also I had a math final exam, horrible, I didn’t sleep in 3 days the deadline was on my birthday, but also dad got a stomach infection. Mom was helping me with the exam because was too difficult and probably wouldn’t finish it in 3 days (you know, 12 exercises, 5 pages per exercise), anyway I got a good score. The deadline was on my birthday.

The day after the exam, right after I got my score, mom went to her second covid shot, but dad is diabetic and has high blood pressure, his glucose was 32...  that means was too low even for a healthy person, I gave him food, sweets, trying to increase the glucose because dad didn’t want to go to the hospital, probably he thought I will freak out or something, so I have to wait until mom arrived and finally, we took him to hospital, he stayed in that night and next day he had his treatment in the home.

Then in July, I got my first covid shot, at the begging only my arm was in pain, at 8 pm I feel lots of heat but I didn’t have a fever, until 11 pm, fever and goosebumps started, I took paracetamol and went to sleep…but then I had fever during 3 days that included hallucinations (mom sometimes laughed with non-sense I told), and the other side effects I had them during a week.

On summer holidays I realized something about my PhD program (close friends know about this) and I started to be depressed, I’m still depressed, anyway I will get my degree in 3 years hopefully, but I know things, and yeah, maybe I can’t do or solve something, I’m just waiting.

Also, I was plagiarized on Wattpad, someone translate to Portuguese at least one of my fics, I asked for support from my Wattpad followers, I didn’t have support there, in fact, some people unfollowed me, the book and account are down. Maybe my fics aren’t the best, maybe I’m not popular, but I work very hard on every fic, maybe I didn’t tell it, but really affected me, my depression got worse, and for a moment I thought would be the best take all the pills I had in front of me, I was tired (I’m too tired), I didn’t do it, instead, I cried during 3 days.

In September, after I finished my class, dad got very sick again, he didn’t want to doctor again until 4 pm, doctors suspect was the gallbladder, but blood test and the other tests showed was something different, they did more tests, the whole week they did different tests, at the end was the gallbladder.

Dad had surgery, but he was nearly to die, the gallbladder was in pretty bad conditions, doctors took it off in parts because it broke every time, they tried to take it off, dad’s heart stopped twice during the surgery, I was very close to losing my dad. I’m dad’s princess, we are a little family, we are always together, the 3 of us (well, 4 if you count my Ryo)…

Now dad is okay, the post-surgery was okay, no infection, mom and I took care of him, the doctor said he is okay, at the end of December he has another appointment, probably next week he will have new tests, is just to check everything is okay.

Then some things with my assessors aren’t good, I can’t focus, thinking is difficult, I told them about the situation but… I’m trying my best, just sometimes doing things is hard when you’re depressed.

Ryo, my dog, he is 16, is like my baby, grandma gifted him to me when he was 3 months old, because of his age, now he is losing his sight, but he still wants to play like he was a puppy, so, one day he was near the stairs, I called him, but instead, he walked to the stairs and fell, I tried to get him, but he woke up and tried to run, and fell again, I was yelling like crazy, honestly for a moment I thought the worse, my parents were in the first floor when they heard me, they thought was me who fell, dad took Ryo carefully, we checked him, apparently he was okay, he walked normal, didn’t complain, we took him to vet, and confirmed us that Ryo was okay, no damage.

I know some people have blocked me, I don’t know the reasons, but I’m too tired, they can do whatever they want, I just trying to make it every day.

My apologies for all the challenges I signed in and don’t post my entry yet, I’m working on them.

So, about the requests, please be patient, I know I said will be ready in December, I apologize, but after all the above, I don’t think would be possible, I’m trying to hurry but still, I have some fics unfinished, I promise in the first trimester of 2022 will be published.

And if you want, I read your fics, TAG ME IN, despite I have the notifications on, Dumblr doesn’t notify me when someone posts a fic, I can’t check blog per blog, so tag me, maybe I won’t read it immediately, I will try at the following day or during the week. You can check what I read here.

[keeptheotherone]

Mecation: Day 1 

Thursday

I once read social media described as an indulgence of the fantasy that others are interested in the details of our lives. I’m indulging in that fantasy this week by blogging about my Mecation under the guise of travel blogging ;)

If you follow me in even the most casual way, you know I’m a nurse. While I’ve enjoyed the vast majority of my 23 years as such, I don’t recommend it during a pandemic. The last 18 months have been the second-worst mental health period of my life, demoted to that position not because of the mildness of my symptoms but simply because at 15 I didn’t have the experience or perspective to realize my life was not, in fact, ruined forever.

COVID increased my personal vulnerability as a high-risk patient and made my job immensely more difficult in countless ways both small and large, but the worst part of the pandemic for me (so far) is it took away all my coping mechanisms precisely when I needed them most. Massage, pedicures, dinner out with friends, travel ... all gone practically overnight. Pre-COVID I travelled all the time--home to my parents’, long weekends by myself (Mecation!), annual visits to BFFs, conferences, tourism, the beach, my birthday, writing trips, international trips ... I always had at least one trip in the works, usually one booked and one (or more!) in the planning stages. 

When COVID started, all my close friends and family except for two lived out of state. One of those two was out of town but close enough to get together, but the other was a few hours’ drive away. I’m single and live alone; it was the most isolated I’ve ever been in my whole life. 

With my bestest friends over 500 miles away, I still feel that way sometimes. I haven’t seen them in a year. If it weren’t for COVID, it would only be 7 or 8 months (I’ve gone every January or February since ... forever). Then again, if it weren’t for COVID, I wouldn’t have been there last September; one had been hospitalized and I needed to see she was all right with my own two eyeballs. I expect it will be at least another 7 or 8 months before we get together again, bringing the total to about 20 months. One year we saw each other 5 times in 9 months, our personal best since college. 

I was alone on Christmas. Oh, I’ve spent December 25th on my own before; I’m a nurse. I’ve worked the night of the 24th or the 25th (or both), or whatever combination that didn’t leave enough time off to drive home. But I’ve never spent the Christmas season without my parents. Sometimes the week before, sometimes the week after, sometimes at my place instead of home, but always together. But last Christmas COVID was raging, the vaccines had just come out but were only available to first responders (I got mine on the 23rd), and my elderly parents didn’t feel safe to travel. So I spent Christmas without family.

Travel was not just a break from my daily routine and the stress of nursing; in many ways, the biggest benefit travel made to my mental and emotional health was giving me something to look forward to.  Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick,” and ohhh, I was so heartsick last year! Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t visit my best friends of almost 25 years (more than half my life!). Not being able to travel meant I couldn’t lean on my dad or be hugged by my mom. Not being able to travel--and not knowing when I could travel--left this gaping hole in my future, and I had nothing to fill it with. 

I tell you this not to throw a pity party but to explain the significance of the trip I’m on right now. It is only my third this year: my dad and I spent a week in the mountains in February (my depression and anxiety was so bad then that was treatment, not vacation), I took a friend to the beach over my birthday, and now I’m a couple hours from home at a nice spa hotel. (I’m not counting my nephew’s graduation, which was emotionally challenging for multiple reasons, or helping a friend move from Florida. Moving is never fun.)

I started planning this trip in the spring ... May, maybe? You know, after the vaccine rolled out to everyone and case counts were dropping and it looked like we were gonna lick this thing and have a quasi-normal summer by the Fourth of July (yes, I’m American. That date is a proper noun here.). I had switched jobs in November (don’t ask) and gone on mental health leave December 29th, so I felt I owed it to my unit to put in about six months of work before taking any significant time off, especially since I came back at 24 hours instead of 36. That meant September.

I knew what I wanted to do: 4 or 5 days at an all-inclusive resort in the Caribbean. I’d been before and loved the freedom of not worrying about every little expenditure (what can I say, I’m cheap), and a few days of Vitamin Sea sounded perfect.

Then came Delta.

All right, maybe going out of the country isn’t the best idea, I thought. Don’t want to end up with expensive reservations and then your destination closes to Americans, or you make it to your chosen island but can’t get back home. But I didn’t want to fly (ugh, airports!), I didn’t want to drive (rest stops and restaurants and gas stations), and while I thought about taking the train, it didn’t seem much of an improvement (and maybe a downgrade) on flying.

Then a friend mentioned a sleeper car, and I thought yes! That could work! I’ve never been to New England, I want to go to Boston, that area of the country has low case rates and the highest vaccination rates, this has potential! 

Then I looked at the CDC map. There were only four states that didn’t have high transmission at that time (early August, I think; I’d had to wait for confirmation that my time off had been approved): Michigan, Rhode Island, Maine, and New Hampshire. All four had substantial rates of transmission. Hardly ideal, but one thing I’ve learned this year is sometimes you have to make compromises to protect your mental health. It is true it doesn’t matter if you’re happy if you’re dead; it is also true it doesn’t matter if you’re safe if you want to kill yourself. (I’m not suicidal, I am receiving treatment, don’t anybody panic.)

So, now I’ve settled on Maine or New Hampshire by train via sleeper car (Michigan is too far for a 4-5 day trip and RI--meh). Well, as I got deeper into planning, turned out Maine or NH were awfully far too. Far enough I would have to overnight in a major city, which pretty much defeated the purpose of isolating in a sleeper car. Then I found out there were no sleeper cars on either train route.

So, now vacation is 5 weeks away and I’m back at square one. The Deep South, Texas, and Florida are imploding. Pediatric cases are rising--kids are sicker and make up a higher percentage of cases than they did last year. Scuttlebutt from my ICU colleagues is it’s bad--17/30 MICU beds are COVID and they’re all vented. SICU is being nicknamed “the ECMO unit.” The hospital has 18(!) ECMO machines and 12 are in use; the float nurse who tells us that didn’t even know we had 12 because she’s never seen that many in use at one time. Hospital-wide our numbers are equivalent to early February (we peaked in January). There were six--SIX--pediatric rapid responses in one day. 

And I’m going to travel.

It’s a big deal ... a big accomplishment, really, because of what it says about how I’m successfully managing my anxiety. April 1 was the first time I’d been inside a grocery store in more than a year ... and that wasn’t my idea. It was late April or May before I was comfortable eating in restaurants, even with the falling case count at the time. I’m still not sure if I’m managing my anxiety or reacting to the pressure by going to the opposite extreme (I have a history of that), but I know I’m less stressed, less anxious, have fewer obsessive thoughts, fewer physical symptoms, and am learning to live with this disease. 

So, here I sit at a marble-topped 5-foot-wide desk in my queen/queen hotel room at the end of a productive and enjoyable day. I slept in, completed the big goal of this weekend’s to-do list that I honestly thought would take several days, unpacked and organized my room (I arrived yesterday evening), reorganized my Favorites Bar and Bookmarks on my Mac, had an 80-minute aromatherapy massage, enjoyed a shower in the spa afterwards and even blow-dried my hair(!) before wandering around for a while to get the lay of the land and get some steps in (this place is huge!). Then I changed clothes and took myself out to dinner for my favorite food, Italian. 

That’s me in the picture up top, all dressed up :) Actually, I probably look pretty normal to y’all; like most people with depression, my personal hygiene sunk to new lows in the last year and a half, and as a low-maintenance person to begin with, that’s saying a lot. I bought that necklace as a bridesmaid and am not sure I’ve worn it since; this spring was her 10th anniversary. Yesterday I took out the cat-shaped earrings Dad gave me for Christmas. (Yes, they were gross. Yes, I cleaned them. Yes, I’m wearing them again now.) Just wearing a nice top, fixing my hair (no ponytail or claw-clip bun, my staples), and adding jewelry was a big deal ... especially since “no one” was going to see me. I did it just for me, to make myself feel good. And I did. (That’s another small pleasure COVID took away from me--lip gloss. If I wore any makeup at all, it was lipstick or gloss. Utterly pointless when you’re masked whenever you’re in public.)

I took my laptop to dinner and edited a couple chapters of my new Charlie/Amy fic (previewed during #ktoo turns 10), ran a couple errands, and headed back to the hotel since I don’t like to be out late by myself in an unfamiliar city. Forgot I put my receipt envelope in the backseat pocket and reorganized the glove compartment looking for it, then gathered a bunch of returns into a bag in the trunk. Hung out writing in the lobby until my Mac threatened to die, came upstairs and tidied up, put on my jammies, and talked to you guys :) 

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Tuesday 27 December 1836

9 10

2 20

No kiss in bed an hour before A- last night sat up making ticken jelly bag – still hard frost but less cold? than yesterday F30 ½° at 11 ½ am went down at 10 to Mr. Husband about his taking the pieces of larch at the wheel-race for gates – mentioning the cellar-passage and my being tired of the men being so long about it led from little to more till (A- having come in) H- said Miss Walker went at 1st and not again till the last to see her jobs, and he had his own way, and could manage – I calmly but impressively took up this ‘broad insinuation’ and poor H- felt probably that he had been foolish – the insinuation being unmerited and imprudent – he had said he never had so little of his own way, so little power anywhere – in any job, as here – and this not the 1st job of the kind he had had – I quietly but as it seemed very successfully combated this – sorry that he that he had found any inconvenience or disagreeableness in my interference which only extended to my saying what I wished to have done, and how – that I did not pretend ‘to set the men their work’ – what was he (H-) here for but to look after them and see that all was right, and a proper quantity of work? – however, Mr. Harper would be here on Wednesday – I was sick of going on as at present – should have as little more done about the house as possible – H- said the masons thought I did not understand what work should be done in a day, and did what they liked – not 2000 bricks in the cellar-passage   a poor matter if a man could not lay a thousand in a day –in London a man could lay 1500 – I said I did not pretend to set out the quantity of work – I left that for him H- to do – he said had more to do than he could attend to properly – in that said I I perfectly agreed – in that he is quite right - ……….. poor fellow! he saw he was wrong, and I saw he was sorry – but he deserved all I had said, and perhaps it may do him good – I saw he would have lingered but I said I would not detain him longer – then had Ann, alias Sarah Whitley, the Mrs. Bull-Derby housemaid going away this morning – A- gave her 3 guineas wages from 13 September today inclusive and 2 sovereigns for travelling expense, and she said I had told her she should not be a loser by coming here and getting another place would cost her 6/. – A- very properly said she would speak to me about it – I told Ann my expression was would not should but that any rate I thought she had not lost anything by being here – leaving here was her own doing – I had nothing to do with the expense of getting another place but if it did cost her 6/. the mourning she had had ought to be worth much more than 6/. – the woman seemed ashamed – I said I should give a copy of Mrs. Wilmot’s letter and add that she (Ann) had done nothing here to contradict that character – she asked me to let George go with her to the coach instead of John Booth which I, of course, refused – John always did go on these occasions, and he must go now – then breakfast about 10 ¾ to 11 ½ - A- did her French  when came upstairs and till 12 wrote all the above of today – from 12 to 5 (sat with A- in the blue room) looking over and inking over travelling account – Journey from Copenhagen home in November and December 1833 – at 5 had Robert Mann – came about the well to be sunk, or reservoir, at A-‘s water lane mill – within the mill – must be 3 or 4 yards deep – will cost

SH:7/ML/E/19/0174

£10 hard rock – must be blasted – dangerous in the buildings – must get pack sheets and shavings to deaden the blast – so much water now at this time of year, will cost twice as much doing as in summer besides the not knowing whether they have goon deep enough or not – RM- would wait till summer – about holiday time and dry time at midsummer – the job would then be done (working night and day) as it should be done in a week – A- ordered RM- to explain all this to Barstow the tenant and put the job off till summer – this reservoir will entirely cut off in summer so long as the engine is going the supply of water from the well Messrs. Rawson and c° made, by magisterial fiat last spring, a public well – will Mr. W- set the old woman of Caddy fields to pull the mill down? then talk with RM- about the Incline - he had told Joseph M- I had made a mistake of a thousand – yes! but JM- had scarcely got out of the house before I discovered my mistake – then shewed RM- my calculation – which now surprised Robert by exceeding his own – my Incline 440 yards long and his 500 – which increased length he thinks on all accounts very advisable – will make the whole dip he thinks only 6in. per yard – be better for the Engine – and better for the boys (hurries) – but he thinks the stuff to be cut down at the Platform will be 8 yards thick -                        

I take to notice of the upper bed – almost all run thro’ in days of old – ½ got the other left – worth something – vid. journal of 15 October last –

had Robert Mann till after 6 ½ - dinner immediately – coffee upstairs – A- read French – making sundry memoranda in my rough book – and wrote the last 3 lines of p. 331 and the whole of p. 332 and so far of this p. till 12 tonight – letter dated the 26th this morning from Mr. Watson York saying the money was ready to be paid at a days’ notice – should see Mr. Barstow as today and will then write to me ‘as to the arrangement of payment of the money’ – he has evidently not got my letter of Sunday proposing a change in the security – no mention of the field belonging to the late Miss Shann – till one wrote A-‘s journal of today – never stirred out all the day – occasional snow-showers but much fresh snow seems to have fallen – less rough and wintry than yesterday F29° and fine night now at one

[lametrashtalk]

i think i forgot to post adrian’s final backstory HERE IT IS

Basics: Name: Adrian Code name: Number 914812 Species: Melanistic Sulcata Tortoise Gender: Male Age: 16 Birthdate: 14th December Zodiac: Sagittarius Birthplace: Earth 4 Height: 5'6’’ (1,68 cm) Weight: 85 kg Eyes: Green Family: Unknown Occupation: Adventurer between worlds. Wants to explore and learn new cultures across the universe as much as possible Fears: He has abandonment issues. He grew up being used by his family, so he doesn't really like them. But the moment he gets attached to someone, he fears that they might leave him. Special Abilities: Healer, portal maker, quick learner. Has an interest in astronomy.

Personality:  Optimistic, extroverted character! Feels like there isn’t a place where he feels at home, so he explores the universe to ground himself. Falls easily for people. Intelligent, has strong morals, is curious, and takes a particular interest in how the world around him works. However, is very blunt, has a quick temper, and never takes anything seriously. Great sense of humor, never to anyone’s expenses, enjoys socializing. Has an escapism tendency (runs away from his problems). Relationships: Family: Number 41718 (Grandma) - Adrian's late grandmother. She practically raised him while his parents spent most of their time busy or away, and they were rather close. She would teach him herbal medicine so he could avoid using his own powers and getting himself sick. She also owned a magic pendant -  it allowed her to travel between alternative dimensions. She later gave it to Adrian before passing away. Parents - Adrian's parents were never really present around his early childhood. They are doctors so they spent most of their time working, often neglecting their son and using him as ways to get their own things done Friends : Donatello - Adrian and Donnie's friendship started with quite ease. He had a small crush on Donatello from when they first met, to later really falling in love with the guy; Donnie also taught Adrian the concept of found family and helping others purely for self-contentment, rather than being bossed to do it like Adrian was taught to do. Their relationship is quite fun, as they both love to learn new things, give each other their much-needed space, and are very understanding of one another- However, they are both scared to admit to each other how they really feel; rather, Donnie is very scared to show Adrian his true sentiments and often doesn't understand when Adrian flirts with him. They eventually start dating, though. It is a healthy relationship with lots of communication, however with its challenges: Adrian's dramatic and impulsive self and Donnie's tendency to be extremely aloof and detached. They work it out, though. Raphael - Both Raph and Adrian get along well most of the time. They are both easily angered (Adrian is not as much of a hothead as Raph is, though) and they communicate with each other easily. In fact, Adrian told Raph about his little crush. Not without hearing a threat in case he hurts the other's brother, though. Mizuiro Hasu ( @outofmymilkyway 's OC) - When Adrian noticed Mizu's crush on Leonardo and love for space, he'd immediately took her on a trip to visit a parallel dimension where he questioned her about her little crush and how to deal with a similar crush he as on Donatello. They'd start getting on trips together to talk about their feelings and the respective turtles, being each other's wingman. Adrian feels very grateful to have this human friend and thinks fondly of her. Michelangelo - Mikey loves to show Adrian all of his comics and share jokes. They don't really spend a lot of time together, but when they do, it's either Mikey being obnoxious around him and Donnie, or Adrian daring Mikey to do dumb challenges, usually in exchange for something that matters to the other. Leonardo - They had a rocky start. Leonardo's bushido and family first philosophies did not settle well with Adrian's rebellious, "was hurt by my family so I don't agree that family should go above everything else, instead that should've been you first, the others later" attitude. So they either argue a lot or Leo acts very passive-aggressive towards Adrian, or the latter telling him to get away from him. They eventually cool off and start respecting each other after the events from "Good Genes". Backstory: Adrian comes from another Earth dimension, just like Usagi and the TMNT. For most of his childhood, he lived in peace with his family and friends, but in the year he became 10 years old, a civil war started. Since then, Adrian and his family had to heal many civilians from the fights. The thing is, when they'd heal someone, part of their lifespan and energy would be gone. The bigger the injury, the more energy they'd have to use. And since Adrian was the youngest, they'd make him heal most people because he had the more energy to spare and they were old. So he spent about 5 years doing the most healing, while his family rested. He'd trust his family less and less because he was so, so tired. But they didn't want him to stop, and if he did, most people would perish. One night, he'd overhear his parents speaking on the matter; they'd say it was better for Adrian to do all the healing because they were much older than he was, therefore they wouldn't die so soon. This made Adrian extremely upset and hurt, so he took his late grandma's pendant, stole one of their neighbor's ship, and flew away. So now, Adrian is a traveler between worlds. He mostly does this, not only because he wants to know about the universe around him, but because he never felt quite at home and didn't have enough freedom to do much. During this time, he learned that most aliens had names instead of code numbers, so he changed his name from Number 914812 to Adrian. In a bid for freedom, he also managed to get himself causing a lot of trouble, only because he was forced to help others against his own will. He also sleeps. A lot. He went to watch the Battle Nexus, where he met Donatello and Usagi right after they saved the Damiyo’s life – Adrian had been exploring because he got bored. Right away, he’d recognize Donnie because he was one of the first contestants to lose and immediately mocked him in his mind. However, he felt like it would be a good courtesy to say hello to both Usagi and Donnie. What Adrian didn’t expect was for Donnie, who he thought he was a complete loser, to be so soft-spoken and polite – in fact, his voice immediately caught him off guard. He’d keep talking to both of them while Splinter wasn’t free from the dungeon. Usagi was interesting, but in the end, it ended up being just Adrian and Donnie speaking. Donnie’s charisma had absolutely made him struct by him. Donatello talked about what he does (his inventions) and Adrian talked about the exploration he did across the universe – which left Donnie pretty much interested. It ended up being a quick friendship, with Donnie inviting him to Earth so Adrian could show him the different worlds and they could explore together.   A week later, Adrian showed up, they planned cool planets to visit (that Adrian knew were safe). When out of missions, Donnie would manage to contact Adrian and would spend more free time with him than his family (much to everyone’s annoyance). One of the planets they visited was populated by tiny, cute, fuzzy people. However, in the middle of their trip, they were struck by a hurricane, leaving the tiny aliens' houses mostly destroyed. Donnie immediately offered himself to help, while Adrian kept his distance, questioning why would Donatello help so many people that he didn't know. This ended up with Don explaining to him that it is good to help people in need. It makes them happy and rely on you, and you feel great about your doings, but that if Adrian didn't want then he shouldn't be forced to do it. Seeing all the little aliens happily bouncing around his friend, Adrian, reluctantly decided to help fix a table - which he did an okay job with. Seeing everyone happily thanking him made him realize that maybe... helping others wasn't THAT bad when your health wasn't on the line for your selfish parents. He looked fondly at Donnie - he was so happily helping others that Adrian went from having a crush to completely fall in love with the guy.

[phroyd]

One of our Great Comedians leaves us this day! Rest In Peace, Jackie! - Phroyd

Jackie Mason, whose staccato, arm-waving delivery and thick Yiddish accent kept the borscht belt style of comedy alive long after the Catskills resorts had shut their doors, and whose career reached new heights in the 1980s with a series of one-man shows on Broadway, died on Saturday in Manhattan. He was 93.His death, at Mount Sinai Hospital, was confirmed by the lawyer Raoul Felder, a longtime friend.Mr. Mason regarded the world around him as a nonstop assault on common sense and an affront to his sense of dignity. Gesturing frantically, his forefinger jabbing the air, he would invite the audience to share his sense of disbelief and inhabit his very thin skin, if only for an hour.“I used to be so self-conscious,” he once said, “that when I attended a football game, every time the players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.” Recalling his early struggles as a comic, he said, “I had to sell furniture to make a living — my own.”The idea of music in elevators sent him into a tirade: “I live on the first floor; how much music can I hear by the time I get there? The guy on the 28th floor, let him pay for it.”

The humor was punchy, down-to-earth and emphatically Jewish: His last one-man show in New York, in 2008, was titled “The Ultimate Jew.” A former rabbi from a long line of rabbis, Mr. Mason made comic capital as a Jew feeling his way — sometimes nervously, sometimes pugnaciously — through a perplexing gentile world.“Every time I see a contradiction or hypocrisy in somebody’s behavior,” he once told The Wall Street Journal, “I think of the Talmud and build the joke from there.” Describing his comic style to The New York Times in 1988, he said, “My humor — it’s a man in a conversation, pointing things out to you.”“He’s not better than you, he’s just another guy,” he added. “I see life with love — I’m your brother up there — but if I see you make a fool out of yourself, I owe it to you to point that out to you.”He was born Yacov Moshe Maza in Sheboygan, Wis., on June 9, 1928, to immigrants from Belarus. (Some sources give the year as 1931.) When he was 5, his father, Eli, an Orthodox rabbi, and his mother, Bella (Gitlin) Maza, moved the family to the Lower East Side of Manhattan, where Yacov discovered that his path in life had already been determined. Not only his father, but his grandfather, great-grandfather and great-great-grandfathers had all been rabbis. His three older brothers became rabbis, and his two younger sisters married rabbis. “It was unheard-of to think of anything else,” Mr. Mason said. “But I knew, from the time I’m 12, I had to plot to get out of this, because this is not my calling.”

After earning a degree from City College, he completed his rabbinical studies at Yeshiva University and was ordained. In a state of mounting misery, he tended to congregations in Weldon, N.C., and Latrobe, Pa., unhappy in his profession but unwilling to disappoint his father.Hedging his bets, he had begun working summers in the Catskills, where he wrote comic monologues and appeared onstage at every opportunity. This, he decided, was his true calling, and after his father’s death in 1959 he felt free to pursue it in earnest, with a new name.He struggled at first, playing the Catskills and, with little success, obscure clubs in New York and Miami. Plagued by guilt, he underwent psychoanalysis, which did not solve his problems but did provide him with good comic material.Nevertheless, he found it hard to break into the nightclub circuit in New York — in part, he claimed, because his act made Jewish audiences uncomfortable. “My accent reminds them of a background they’re trying to forget,” he said.

While performing at a Los Angeles nightclub in 1960, he caught the attention of his fellow comedian Jan Murray, who recommended him to the television personality Steve Allen. Two appearances in two weeks on “The Steve Allen Show” led to bookings at the Copacabana and the Blue Angel in New York.Mr. Mason’s career was off and running. He became a regular on the top television variety shows, recorded two albums for the Verve label — “I Am the Greatest Comedian in the World Only Nobody Knows It Yet” and “I Want to Leave You With the Words of a Great Comedian” — and wrote a book, “My Son the Candidate.”

After dozens of appearances on “The Ed Sullivan Show,” Mr. Mason encountered disaster on Oct. 18, 1964. A speech by President Lyndon B. Johnson pre-empted the program, which resumed as Mr. Mason was halfway through his act. Onstage but out of camera range, Sullivan indicated with two fingers, then one, how many minutes Mr. Mason had left, distracting the audience. Mr. Mason, annoyed, responded by holding up his own fingers to the audience, saying, “Here’s a finger for you, and a finger for you, and a finger for you.”Sullivan, convinced that one of those fingers was an obscene gesture, canceled Mr. Mason’s six-show contract and refused to pay him for the performance. Mr. Mason sued, and won.The two later reconciled, but the damage was done. Club owners and booking agents now regarded him, he said, as “crude and unpredictable.”

“People started to think I was some kind of sick maniac,” Mr. Mason told Look. “It took 20 years to overcome what happened in that one minute.”His career went into a slump, punctuated by bizarre instances of bad luck. In Las Vegas in 1966, after he made a few ill-considered remarks about Frank Sinatra’s recent marriage to the much younger Mia Farrow (“Frank soaks his dentures and Mia brushes her braces,” one joke went), an unidentified gunman fired a .22 pistol into his hotel room.A play he starred in and wrote (with Mike Mortman), “A Teaspoon Every Four Hours,” went through a record-breaking 97 preview performances on Broadway before opening on June 14, 1969, to terrible reviews. It closed after one night, taking with it his $100,000 investment.He also invested in “The Stoolie” (1972), a film in which he played a con man and improbable Romeo. It also failed, taking even more of his money. Roles in sitcoms and films eluded him, although he did make the most of small parts in Mel Brooks’s “History of the World: Part I” (1981) — he was “Jew No. 1” in the Spanish Inquisition sequence — and “The Jerk” (1979), in which he played the gas-station owner who employs Steve Martin.Rebuffed, Mr. Mason set about rebuilding his career with guest appearances on television. His new manager, Jyll Rosenfeld, convinced that the old borscht belt comics were ripe for a comeback, encouraged him to bring his act to the theater as a one-man show.

After attracting celebrity audiences in Los Angeles, that show, “The World According to Me!,” opened on Broadway in December 1986 and ran for two years. It earned Mr. Mason a special Tony Award in 1987, as well as an Emmy for writing after HBO aired an abridged version in 1988.

“I didn’t think it would work,” Mr. Mason said. “But people, when they come into a theater, see you in a whole new light. It’s like taking a picture from a kitchen and hanging it in a museum.”In 1991 Mr. Mason married Ms. Rosenfeld, who survives him. He is also survived by a daughter, the comedian Sheba Mason, from a relationship with Ginger Reiter in the 1970s and ’80s.“The World According to Me!” generated a series of sequels — “Politically Incorrect,” “Love Thy Neighbor,” “Prune Danish” and others — which carried Mr. Mason through the 1990s and into the new millennium.He published an autobiography, “Jackie, Oy!” (written with Ken Gross), in 1988. He also found a new sideline as an opinionated political commentator on talk radio. In the 2016 presidential campaign, he was one of the few well-known entertainers to support Donald J. Trump.Mr. Mason’s forays into political commentary caused him trouble. He was reported to have used a Yiddish word considered to be a racial slur in talking about David N. Dinkins, the Black mayoral candidate, at a Plaza Hotel luncheon in 1989. Mr. Mason was a campaigner for Mr. Dinkins’s opponent, Rudolph W. Giuliani. Mr. Giuliani said the incident had been blown out of proportion but nevertheless dismissed Mr. Mason from the campaign. Mr. Mason at first refused to apologize but did so later.

He drew attention for using the same word regarding President Barack Obama during a performance in 2009.Appearances on the cartoon series “The Simpsons,” as the voice of Rabbi Hyman Krustofski, the father of Krusty the Clown, confirmed his newfound status, and earned him a second Emmy. Not even the 1988 bomb “Caddyshack II,” in which he was a last-minute replacement for Rodney Dangerfield, or the ill-fated “Chicken Soup,” a 1989 sitcom co-starring Lynn Redgrave that died quickly, could slow his improbable transformation from borscht belt relic into hot property.“I’ve been doing this for a hundred thousand years, but it’s like I was born last Thursday,” Mr. Mason once said of his career turnaround. “They see me as today’s comedian. Thank God I stunk for such a long time and was invisible, so I could be discovered.”

Michael Levenson contributed reporting.

Phroyd

[elysiashelby]

In Another World - T. Shelby Imagine Ch. 12

Paring: (Eventual) Thomas Shelby x Aliena Welsh (OC) 

Fandom: Peaky Blinders 

Word Count: 10,468 

WARNINGS: Angst, Alcohol Consumption (borders abuse), Cursing, FIGHT SCENE (Detailed), Existential Crisis, Mentions of Blood & Bones Breaking

Summary: Aliena’s 18th birthday has arrived, but her mental health isn’t doing so well. She’s feeling more distant from the Shelby’s and in her role in their universe. Aliena has been partying a lot, drinking a lot of alcohol. How is that affecting her? 

MASTERLIST  CHAPTER 11  CHAPTER 13

A/N: This chapter has a fight scene. It’s mildly detailed, but be warned. Thomas does interact with Aliena in this chapter, however; it’s not a huge part of this chapter. Along with the previous chapter, this chapter centers on Aliena. Also, she’s still very depressed. BLACK LINE BREAK INDICATED START AND END OF FIGHT SCENE!!

Me nose was runny and tears slipped out of me eyes. Cassie was holding back me hair and rubbing me back as I vomited me guts out. I sniffed as I fell to me side. I got a hold of the handle and flushed the toilet.

“Tank you.” I said.

Cassie nodded with her squinted eyes and her lips pursed. “I got you, honey. I got you, Ali.” She was rubbing me arm now and didn’t let go of me hair. 

Slowly and not steadily, I stood up. Cassie followed me and didn’t let go of me hair. I turned on the faucet and rinsed me mouth of the taste. As I bent down to spit out the water, I felt a familiar tug on me hair. I raised me hand and tried to whack her grip away. She finally fuckin’ let go.

I gasped for air, looked to me side, and reached for me toothbrush.

Cassie cackled while walking over to the toilet. She put the lid down ‘n sat on it. “Not regretting leaving that here now, are you?”

I rolled me eyes as I brushed me teeth. “Nevah did, ya divvy.” I spat out the excess before going in and brushing me tongue as well. 

Anyway after all that, Cassie and I walked out. There was people asleep across the floor, on couches, on chair, ‘n even tables. Me hand flew to me mouth and I felt nauseous again.

“Cassie, we’re not fucking home!” I turned ‘round and clutched her forearm with a fury.

Cassie had the same flabbergasted look on her face.

“We fuckin’ fell asleep in the loo!” 

Cassie started gagging and I tsked as I stomped me foot.

“You brushed your teeth with somebody’s else’s toothbrush!” Cassie whispered-shouted.

I whimpered while stomping me feet. “I know I did.” I marched over to Angie and smacked her shoulder. “Angie, wake up! Wake up, we have to go!” I began shaking her.

She protested in her sleep, but eventually she couldn’t take it anymore and shot up.

“All right!” She yelled. “All right, I’m awake.” 

“Thank you.” I said with some snap in me tone. I looked over to Tina and luckily, Cassie saved me the trouble of waking her arse up. 

“Thank ya Jesus! Let’s fuckin’ go!” I shouted. Some people fucking whined in their sleep while others glared at me. I fucking glared back. The four of us stumbled our way ‘til the front of the house. 

“Wait!” Cassie shouted. 

I looked back at her and contorted me face in confusion.

She trailed off to the phone while saying, “I have to call Simmons .”

Collectively, we all groaned. 

I cradled me head and then let it drop limply. I must have stood there for .5 seconds before I huffed. “I’m waiting outside. Join me if you want!” So, I walked outside and sat down on the steps. 

It was fucking freezing! I really hafta to start bringing coats.

“Fuck, Ali! Aren’t you fucking freezing?” Angie asked me as she sat beside me.

I scoffed while rubbing me arms up and down furiously. “Yes, of course, I am.” 

Angie opened up her fur coat and ushered me to get in. I did so without hesitation. She shivered as I stole her warmth. Then, we started giggling. 

“Fucking London winters!” I shouted. This caused Angie to chuckle.

I could hear the doors open and close at the same time as a car engine did. I looked back to see Cassie and Tina walking out, heels in hand. 

“He’s here.” Cassie announced while walking past us.

Angie and I got up and followed suit. I don’t remember the drive because I fell back to sleep. Once we got to her place, we all decided to take a shower. I was made to go last since I had just flopped on the bed and closed me eyes.

I wasn’t asleep, but I didn’t want to be awake either. Tina came and shook me awake when it was me turn. I rolled up, grabbed some towels, and walked into the bathroom. 

I turned on the water ‘n made sure it was scalding hot before I stepped in. I sighed in pleasure as I was enveloped in its heat. I ran me hands over me hair and down me neck. 

Tommy’s been busy as was the whole family. Finn’s abar to turn twelve, but he’s growing fast. His baby fat is going away and he’s stretching out. 

God, was I teased when I came back bladdered the first night I went out! They all had a laugh. Arthur’s booming laugh made me wince which made more snickers go ‘round. Tommy even teased me abar calling him pretty.

“Me eyes still pretty, Aliena?” He asked me.

I tried smacking him, but he swerved and ran off. As much as me head was pounding, we- I was still happy. 

I sighed as I lathered me body with soap.

I still feel lost. I’m stuck cleaning and collecting payments from families. I only did that gig every two week, though. So, I took up another job and started helping Polly with the finances. I just double checked her math and did some of me own. The latter was only if we were swamped, though.

I wasn’t getting paid for that either. Two pound was enough, Polly warned me. I didn’t fight it. I saved up a lot of money. I just wasn’t out enough to spend it on much, but now that I am— it’s slowly decreasing. 

I huffed as I washed out the shampoo from me hair.

Finn is ‘aving trouble reading, finally. That coupled along with his growing desire to be apart of the family business, he’s getting even more discouraged abar school. Been hanging ‘round with Isaiah Jesus, who was five or six years older than him. Isaiah is a nice enough boy. Honestly, I don’t care what they do. They’re not me own children, after all.

I looked down at the water spiraling into the drain.

That’s a blag. I care deeply with what happens to that kid. Poor thing.

I sighed while turning off the shower. I wrang me hair multiple times to get out as much excess water as I could before bunching it up in a towel.

I didn’t like feeling like a freeloader in that house. It was just wrong. But I couldn’t deny that I loved the days like this where I knew I had no responsibilities because I already took care of them.

I would just sleep in bed. Or, like last night— party ‘til I blacked out. I also started writing again. Some original fantasy story. It was more for the 2000s, so I didn’t dare let anyone read it. After all, they wouldn’t understand some of the jargon I used nor the types of technologies. 

Once I was done drying off me body, I began to lather me legs in lotion. 

I was partying a lot! Like a lot. I can’t tell you how many times between December 16th and now, that Tommy had carried me off to bed. 

I kept telling him that he didn’t have to do that, but he insisted that he was doing it so I wouldn’t get sick. I’ve never not slept with blankets before, so I couldn’t disagree. I mean I did it when I was a child, I’m sure. But, I don’t remember if I got sick over it. I was sick a lot as a child.

I tucked in me towel and walked out. “I’m still alive.” I announced while walking over to me backpack. 

“Good. I was afraid you died in there.” Cassie chuckled at her own joke, which made me smile. 

I just yanked whatever I could out of it since it was holding everything I needed. New undergarments and clothes. Once I put on me panties, I dropped me towel so I could put on me bra. 

I finally looked up and watched as they talked amongst themselves. I tugged me hair towel off and patted me hair dry. 

“Hey, Ali. Your birthday is coming up. How do you feel about a party?”

With me back bent as I was drying me hair, I asked. “Where at?”

They collectively began to hum as I began me fight with jeans. I always had to jump once they got to me thighs. 

“Well, I wanted to throw you a party at my house.” Angie said as her hands joined in on the conversation.

I froze, instantly. I literally stopped putting on me shirt. “You mean at your mansion?”

She nodded with a sheepish smile on her face. 

I let me shirt stay stuck above me bust as I rushed to Angie. I hugged her as she giggled.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I chanted.

“Um, you’re welcome. I guess. I mean, I’m not doing this for a thank you. I want to throw a big party, that’s all. You’re one of my best friends.” 

I squeezed her tighter before letting her go. “Still, thank you. ‘Cause you don’t have to throw me a party at all.”

I gave her a big-toothy smile before I launched to kiss her cheek.

I went home the next day, fully sober. Don’t worry, yesterday was a rest day for me liver. Didn’t exactly want to die of a failed liver so soon. What am I talking abar? It’ll catch up to me later in life like with the boys.

Knowing me own luck, its gonna catch up with me sooner. Just watch.

I walked through the door and locked it behind me. It was seven, so I knew that Polly had to be up.

“Polly, I’m home!”

“In the kitchen, love!”

I walked in the room and there she was sitting with Ada and Karl. I cooed at the sight of him. I made grabby hands which made Ada chuckle. She passed him into me arms and I sighed.

“Hello, little one. How are you? Oh, you’re getting heavier. Mummy’s been feeding you right!”

I began to pepper his face in kisses which made him smile. 

“So, Ali. Polly’s been telling me that you’ve been to the big city with your friends. How are you liking it?”

I slowly took a seat before answering her. “Um, it’s not bad. I mean, during the day it’s beautiful. Perfect for people visiting, but at night-!” I scoffed while laughing. “It’s like everybody’s morals are gone with the light.”

Polly chortled. “So, like here except you get the same during the day too.”

 I rolled me eyes before blowing a raspberry. Karl giggled so I did it again. I looked at Ada and asked, “So, you and Freddie have any luck finding a flat?” 

She looked down, picking at her nails. So, that’s a no.

Ada scoffed. “It’s just so much harder than we thought. Things are really heating up within the group and Freddie’s friends can’t take us in because money is tight right now.”

I furrowed me eyebrows. “It is?”

It seems that I stepped on a landmine ‘cause there was a sparkle in Ada’s eyes. And so, she went on a rant abar communism. I only half paid attention, to be polite. Though Polly and I shared multiple judgemental glances at each other.

Karl, eventually, started to get fussy and I gave him back to Ada. Said he was probably hungry.

Polly cleared her throat when Ada stopped talking. “So, Ali, your birthday is coming up. What do you want to do?”

I hummed in thought. “Well, um, one of me friends offered to throw me a party at her place. So, I’m not sure. Plus, everyone is so busy. I don’t want to impose on anything.”

“Well, then. Guess a little celebration at the Garrison the day before wouldn’t be so bad, right?” 

I whipped ‘round to see Tommy leaning against the entrance of the kitchen, taking a drag from his ciggie.

I stopped getting after him abar them a while back. Didn’t see the point anymore. Especially now since I smoke too from time to time.

“No, it wouldn’t.”

He nodded. “We can see you drink in action. Wonder how many glasses of whiskey ‘till you feel a buzz?”

I felt me cheeks heat up as Polly and Ada snickered. I went to strike him ‘n he just lifted his arm.

I sighed and leaned on me head with the support of me hand. 

“Where am I needed today?” I asked, slightly already exhausted.

Polly hummed as she quickly swallowed her sip of tea. “I’ll be needing your help in the shop. Come on.”

I bit me lip, in order to stop the sigh that wanted to escape me mouth. I looked over at Tommy one last time, who was still looking at me. 

I spent the whole day running ‘round for Polly. Counting up money, retrieving money from the boys, and putting it away in the safe. I didn’t know the combination. I was just tossing it in. 

When she didn’t need me help, I was to go and make dinner. I did, in fact, make lunch as well. 

As I was doing that I went and called Cassie.

“Hello!” Cassie answered with a sing-song tone.

“Hello, Cassie.”

“Oh! Ali, what’s going on?”

I shook me head, even though, she couldn’t see it. “Is nothing. So, the Shelby’s are throwing me a little gatherin’ at the Garrison. You know the bar that Arthur owns now. And I was wondering if you and the girls can make it?”

I heard Cassie hum. “Well, I don’t see why we couldn’t. I know I’ll be there, but let me ask them and I’ll call you back.”

“Okay.”

We hung up and I refocused on finishing dinner. She called me back a little later saying that they agreed to come. Now, all that was left was for the day to come.

Today we were celebratin’ me 18th birthday. I’ve been with the Shelby’s for a year and 11 months. On me first 18th birthday, I was given a car. I wonder what I’m getting this year. Prior to the whole Kimber operation, I had been drawing a lot— but since, I stopped. I still have loads of paint and a single canvas left. 

I just hoped that they don’t give me the same thing. 

I wasn’t woken up the same way like last year either. It was the sun that woke me. I opened me eyes and laid in bed. I looked at the door in silence then turned away.

I could feel it in the air. Today was not going to be a good day.

I huffed while shutting me eyes close tightly. I slowly got up and turned ‘round so me feet where almost touchin’ the floor. I took a deep breath and let me feet touch the ground. 

I figured since we weren’t gonna be at the bar ‘til late at night. I was expected to still do me regular duties. I mean, after all, tomorrow was me birthday. I threw on a simple dress and boots then headed downstairs. 

I started working on breakfast. For who? I don’t know. Maybe just for me. I could hear the bustling of the shop. Men shouting. 

This empty room. This empty, vacant room with only me filling it. 

I closed me eyes and clenched me fists. The stinging pain of me nails diggin’ into me palm distracted me from crying. I shook me head and quickly plated me omelet. The chair scraped against the floor as I pulled it out and then I sat down.

I stared at it and stared. 

I’m not that hungry.

“Ali, what’re doing?” 

Me head snapped up and I locked eyes with Tommy. I blinked furiously before shaking me head a little, ‘n it really was just a little. 

I gulped before taking me fork, cutting a piece, and placed it in me mouth. “I was thinking.” I said with a little scoff, a goofy smile on me face. “Didn’t realize I was thinking that hard.”

He tipped his cap at me with furrowed eyebrows and squinted eyes before he walked off. 

I watched him and then dropped me fork. It didn’t taste of anything. 

To avoid causing up a stir, I scarfed down the rest of that omelet and then went abar me way. 

I went outside and pulled down the laundry. I tried keeping me head clear of everything and anything. But it was impossible. I kept making up plots in me head. I was just so bored without anyone to talk to.

‘I miss the kids.’ I caught meself thinking. I sighed while I clutched the basket closer to me body. I looked away before looking back ‘n walked back into the house. I had to start folding. 

Once I folded the clothes, I placed them in the room of their respective owners and then went back downstairs to clean up the place. I was in the middle of sweeping when lunch came ‘round. 

I did the usual and brought the boys and Polly their meals. Esme was at home today. However, there was one odd man out, Tommy. He was probably overseeing the designs of his office. They were going to start building soon. He said it would take anywhere from four to seven months. 

So with me basket like little red riding hood, I had to go on an adventure to take Tommy his lunch. When I got there, he dismissively thanked me. He literally didn’t even pick up his head, just took the bloody sandwich.

I didn’t even roll me eyes as usual. Didn’t see the point. I just went on me way. 

There was this pit in me stomach. It was making itself known more and more by the second.

I gasped in pain and leaned on a wall for support. I started smoothing me stomach by rubbing it harshly. But then I could feel the stares, so I stood up and began on me way again. 

By the time I got back, it was already late afternoon. I had to hurry up with the sweeping, dusting, and then beginning to polish the silver. I was not going to be able to finish that today!

I bought meself a type of curling iron and was dying to try it out. It was Tina who suggested it to me. Well, it was curling tongs but I was willing to burn meself to curl me hair. 

I picked out a pale-blue, dyed Burberry lace dress for tonight. I’ve been dying to wear it! I had a pale blue undergarment set to match. I put on said undergarments and dress, then worked on me hair. 

I got burned a couple of times, but it was worth it. The waves I’d get from having a bun just weren’t the same. I decided against makeup today. I just put on some chapstick and waited for night to roll ‘round. 

I kept meself busy by writing. I was on a sex scene for me story. It just kept me mind busy and away from negative thoughts. I didn’t stop writing ‘til there was a knock at me door.

“Ali, dear, are you ready?”

I slammed me journal shut and shoved it in its drawer. “Yeah!” I called out. “I’ll be right out!”

“Okay.” 

I got up from me seat and rushed out. I guess from the way I opened me door, Polly flinched. I gave her a sheepish smile.

“Shall we head out?” I asked.

She nodded while giving me a smile back. “Let’s go, love. I suspect the boys are already there. Starting without us.”

I scoffed. “Oh, Pol. I wouldn’t doubt it.” We shared another smile before we headed down the stairs arm in arm. 

“Aliena, have you met a boy in London?” Polly asked.

I shook me head. “Nah.” I took me coat off the hook, put it on, and managed to tug out me hair.

“Why not? I’m sure there’s hundreds of men out there that want to talk to ya!” She asked as we walked out the door, locking it behind us.

I tucked a piece of hair away from me face. “I mean, yeah. I have talked to men at the clubs.”

“But none of them worked out.”

I shook me head. “They all seemed to want one thing, you know. The ones that did seem sweet, fuckin’ turned ballistic on me at some point in the night. Then the real gentlemen just-!” I sighed. “There was just something missing.”

Polly sighed while patting me forearm that she was holding. “Yep, that’s men for you. Dogs that think with their cocks.” She sighed. “Well, there’s no rush. Take your time. Find someone you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with. But not too long, I want to be around to see that little one.”

A genuine smile and giggled let me lips. “I promise, Polly.” 

She pinched me cheek as we walked. 

“Is Ada and Freddie coming?” I asked.

She shrugged. “No idea. Last time we talked Ada said she wanted to come. But, with the new baby and the fact they’re practically still newlyweds because of all that’s happened— they probably would rather stay in.”

I half rolled me eyes. “You mean Freddie suggested that Ada stayed home.”

“Most likely.” 

We both grumbled at that. 

“Is that how married life is, Pol?”

She looked at me then looked away. “It’s not everything. It’s a part of it. Compromise. Ada can’t very well expect to go out whenever she wants. She doesn’t have a babysitter to take care of Karl, and you can’t bloody well expect the father to help.” She scoffed again.

Sounded like she was reminiscing.

I hummed and said. “True.”

We arrived at the Garrison, soon enough, and I opened the doors for her. It was just polite. Right?

We immediately went into the snug where the whole family was excluding John’s kids and Ada. So, really. It was just Arthur, Tommy, John, Finn, and Esme. Yes, Esme was here.

While it did irk me that she was here instead of taking care of the kids, it was not me decision to make. They had their own parenting style. And, Esme was not a bad person.

They cheered as we walked.

“Oi!”

“There’s the birthday girl!”

“Happy Birthday, Ali!”

I smiled while taking of me coat. Arthur came ‘round and helped me. I quickly thanked him and then found a spot to sit in.

Tommy stood up from his seat and reached over to me. “No, come on.” He said while pulling me up. “Up you get. Finn, go and get the cake.”

Finn was actually smiling rather than grumbling abar being made to get the cake. I covered me mouth with me hand in embarrassment. But went along with it, nonetheless.

Finn came back in balancing the cake in one hand as he had to close the door behind him. Polly took it from his hands and set it down on the table. Arthur and John were working on lighting all the candles.

The air was somewhat awkward yet filled with excitement at the same time. It was weird. 

As Arthur lit the last candle, they started singing. It was happenin’ all over again. I was covering me mouth with me hands and doubling over. 

“Happy Birthday, dear Aliena. Happy Birthday to you!” 

“Blow out the/your candles.”

I leaned down and thought abar it. ‘I wish I find happiness here soon.’ Then, I blew them out. They cheered and Polly was the first to hug me.

She whispered me a happy birthday in me ear before pecking me cheek and moving out of the way. Finn was next to wish me a happy birthday. I squeezed him tight while swaying us side to side. John stole me from Finn’s grasp, as always.

“Happy birthday, Ali. Is that a wrinkle I see?”

I gasped horrified and smacked his arm just as fast. He fucking cackled as he flinched. 

“Don’t listen to ‘em, Aliena. Happy birthday, Songbird!” Arthur roared as he brought me in for a hug. He shook us with made me make the sounds to match. I wasn’t expecting him to shake me.

Esme squeezed her way over to me and she wished me as well. We exchanged a quick peck on the cheek before I was left with the last one. 

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” I teased while leaning back, me hands on me hips.

Tommy rolled his eyes, a small smile on his face. “Happy Birthday, Ali.” He hugged me and as I went to part from him, he kept me there. I felt him lean into me ear and I bit me lip harshly so I didn’t flinch. “For your present, I-!” He sighed into me ear, and I couldn’t help but flinch. “I, for lack of better words, added a headstone for your father. Happy Birthday, Aliena and I’m sorry.”

This imaginary romantic atmosphere was instantly shattered by the mention of me father. Great job, Thomas!

I smiled and thanked him as we parted. I made me way back to me seat. 

“Right!” Arthur shouted. “I say we get to opening these bloody presents. Get it out the way and drink Aliena till she drops!” He raised his mug to me while taking a drink of his bevvy.

I squinted at him while titling me head. “Fine, let’s get them out of the way!” I slid a box over from the middle of the table and began ripping it open. I shimmed the lid off of the box to reveal shoes.

“You’re gonna need a good pair of dancing shoes, if ya expect to be dancing ‘round clubs all the time, Ali.” John said with a cigar between his lips. 

I plastered on a smile and thanked him. I set in under the table and dealt with the rest of them. Arthur bought me more canvases. Something abar that made me laugh. I should expect canvases for all of me birthdays.

Once I sobered up, I opened up the last big box on the table. It was a coat from Polly. I faked a squeal, hugged her, and thanked her incessantly. It’s not that I didn’t like the coat. It’s just I never asked for one, either.

Then, there was this little box. I tugged on the ribbon and shimmed the lid off of it to reveal a rather expensive looking necklace. The snug quieted down and we collectively tried to find the culprit. Our eyes locked on the boy who was smiling the brightest.

Without a care in the world, Finn wished me a happy birthday. Cue Polly smacking him upside the head. 

“Finn, where’d you pinch that from?” Tommy asked while rubbing his bottom lip.

Finn, who was shielding himself from the last of Polly’s blows, answered. “Some jewelry store in London. Think it was called Madison. It’s not a big deal.”

All us shouted that it was indeed a big deal. I covered the box and pinched the bridge of me nose. 

Polly sighed. “No point in worrying now. I’ll be reading the papers in case people are looking for it. For now, give it to me. I’ll hide it away. It’s no good to be wearing that around here or right now.” She held out her hand for me.

I instantly gave it to her. I looked over at Finn who was looking rather ashamed. “You better beaut, you.” I shoved his face away, playfully. 

A small smile graced his face.

After that debacle, I ate a piece of me own cake while drinking gin. It’s been the first time in a long while that I’ve managed to get the chance to talk to everybody like this.

Made me really think abar how much I matter and how much I don’t. How much doing over Kimber changed this family. They were all busier. I wasn’t. They wouldn’t have done this if it hadn’t been me birthday. Well, they wouldn’t have invited me and Polly. It’s a fucking boys club in this family. Well, they did invite me in the past— but that’s all it is now, the past.

I downed a glass of whiskey and felt it burn me throat. I was getting used to it. I mean I started to drink at least twice a week. I could only limit me vices so much. It’s torture enough as is that I’m holding down the urge to smoke a ciggie right now. But, I am exposed to all the second hand in the air. 

“So, Ali. How are you feeling?” Arthur asked me as he was leaning close to Tommy. As if they had a secret bet or something. I knew what he meant by the question.

I shrugged me shoulders as I smiled. “I feel fine. Warm and fine.”

He scoffed and nodded before turning his head toward Tommy’s ear.

I rolled me eyes and went back to me conversation with Polly. We were talking abar how we were gonna get a grip on Finn. It’s sad that it took that child to do an actual robbery before anyone decided to listen to me. But, at least it’s happenin’ now.

After that I went on a conversation with John, who also asked abar me love life. It was getting so annoying to repeat the same damn things! Then, Esme had to add her two cents in and I couldn’t “snap” back in fear of getting on the wrong foot.

“I think you should experience life as is. Settling down is something you do later.”

I widened me eyes and put on a polite smile, but still had to bite me lip. Didn’t she have an arranged marriage ‘cause she was too wild. I nodded and then moved back to where me seat originally was.

One minute turned into five which turned into ten. 

Were these bitches really not going to show up? 

I looked ‘round to see everyone engaged in some kind of conversation. The boys were playing a card game while Polly and Esme talked. I was the odd man out. Just nursing me fucking bevvy. 

I don’t want to admit it, but this set up right here was hurting me feelings. Never liked feeling excluded. 

I took another glance at them again as I trailed me finger ‘round the rim of the glass.

I didn’t mean to do it, but I began thinking abar how it would be if I wasn’t here. Would they still have met up today? Under the circumstance of a nice day to relax after work. Did me presence actually affect anything? Why was I here? What was me purpose here? Am I supposed to help someone in the Shelby family? 

Am I supposed to prevent the second war from happening? Was this a blessing or a curse? Was this a curse?

“Ailena! Aliena, hun, we’re here!” Cassie shouted from outside the snug. 

I shot up from me chair, whipped back the door, and threw me arms ‘round her. We both laughed and swayed a little.

“You came. You fuckin’ slags. I thought youse weren’t gonna show.” 

Cassie laughed while petting me hair. “We thought you were home then we had to ask around where this bar was. We’re not from here idiot.” She knocked on me head as if she were knocking on a door. “We weren’t going to find this place if no one showed us it before.”

I pursed me lips. As I dropped me hip to the left while knocking me own head. “Oops, my bad.” I took Cassie’s hand in mine and ushered her into the snug. Angie and Tina followed suit. “Shelbys, meet my friends. This is Cassie Johnson, Lady Angelica Sallow, and The Honorable Christiana King. Friends meet the Shelbys. That is Arthur, Thomas, John, Finn, Esme, and Polly Gray.” 

Cassie uttered a “hi,” while waving with a smile. Tina just waved and smiled. 

Angie pushed her way through and greeted Polly. “Good evening, it’s so nice to meet you all, finally. Aliena has said all good things.”

Polly shook her hand, but I knew that face. She was studying her. I cleared me throat and clapped me hands. 

“Well, I wouldn’t want us to be all cramped up in the snug. So, we’ll be out there! Okay? Okay.” I grasped Angie’s hand and dragged her out of the snug.

“It really was nice meeting you all!” She shouted before I slammed the door shut. “What the ‘ell, Ali? She didn’t even get to say anything.”

I rolled me eyes. “Believe me, that was probably a good thing.” ‘She was sizing you up,’ was left unsaid. I flicked her forehead before leading them to the bar top. 

I waved Harry over who looked like he was stammering for words. He leaned down to the men sitting and said something to them that made them leave. I smiled and took a seat there.

“Anything I can get for you ladies? On the house. I know it’s our special Aliena’s birthday.” Harry said as he leaned against the top.

I smiled and said. “Can we get four gin and tonics, Harry? Thanks.”

“Coming right up.”

I turned ‘round so me back was against the top. “Thank God, youse came when ya did. I was dying of boredom in there.”

Cassie scoffed. “Maybe you should just-!”

I held up me finger, effectively shutting her up. “I literally just said that I was bored. I didn’t say I was being abused.” 

Cassie tsked while rolling her eyes which made me smirk. Tina cleared her throat before she spoke.

“So, that was the Tommy, you’re always talking about?” 

Me eyes widened to the size of saucers as I shushed her while me head did a full 180. “Don’t go announcing it to the whole fucking bar, Tina!” I looked ‘round a bit more before I leaned over Cassie and whispered. “But yes, that’s him.”

“He looks really intense. Is that your type?” Tina asked, unfazed.

I looked away before answering her. “Yes and no. He’s my type, obviously, since I have a crush on ‘em. But, the only thing he and the other men that I’ve been enamored with is high cheekbones.”

She oh-ed and nodded.

“Here you ladies are!” Harry said as the glasses clinked against the bar top. 

All four of us grabbed our drinks.

“Toast!” Angie shouted. We held our drinks in the air. “Today, we celebrate our little Aliena turning 18 a day early. Let’s try not to not drink too much ‘cause we are gonna party like it’s the end of the world tomorrow! To Aliena.”

“To Aliena! To me!”

Then, we drank as much as we could before having some sort of reaction. After that we paired off, I was talking to Angie.

“So, what happened to that guy you left with some nights ago?” I asked Angie as I took a sip of me bevvy.

She sighed as she used the straw to stir her drink. “It was a complete waste of time. In all honesty, I’m beginning to lose hope. I might as well just give up and let my father match me off.”

I shook me head furiously. “No! No, Ange. Don’t give up. What are you? 19, 20, you still have time to look. If you were 30, I’d be saying otherwise— but you’re not. You’ll find a guy when the time is right.”

Okay, I’m not bashing 30-year-old single people. Angie is expected to marry off at an early age in order to comply with the societal norms of the 1920s. Besides, she and her father have this arrangement that if she doesn’t have anyone she wants to marry for love by that age— then he has the right to marry her off.

She groaned while supporting her head with her hand, her elbow on the bar top. I rubbed her back up and down.

“You’ll find your Mister Right, Ange. I just know it. Hey, maybe, you have already met him.” I attempted to lighten her mood. “Either way. I think it’s too early to call it quits. Maybe we stop trying to find the love of our lives in clubs, eh? Try a cafe or a country club, instead?”

Angie turned her gaze to me and we shared a giggle.

“Eh?” I tried again.

“Yeah.” She whispered. “Yeah. You’re right.”

I smirked as I put me hand down and used it to bring me drink to me lips. “I know I am.”

I had two more gin and tonics before I felt that I was out of it. I was shoutin’, for sure. I was borderline slurring yet me sentences were still understandable. I had, technically, pre-gamed ‘cause the boys were trying to drink me under the table. 

I had stumbled out of the loo when I was attacked by me friends.

“Aliena! Ali!” They shouted.

I shook me head as I gripped their arms as they did mine. “What?” I shouted, confused.

Tina shoved Cassie forward who was cradling her cheek, but her lip was bleeding too. Me eyes widened and I immediately started inspecting it.

“What the fuck happened?”

Cassie looked away before looking back into me eyes. “I was talking to some guy. He came up to me at the bar. Then, this girl came up to me and just slapped me. She said that I should go to hell for being a homewrecker. That she bets that I’m nothing but a prostitute.” Cassie choked on a sob while rubbing her eyes. She smeared her eyeshadow ‘n mascara, making her look like a raccoon. Just like how I first met her. “Seems like they’re together or something. But I didn’t know. He came up to me. I swear. He came up to me. I would never flirt with a taken man, Ali.” She hiccup and whimpered.

I looked back to see Angie arguing with the girl. I could feel me blood boiling. I was filled with rage. That bitch made me Cassie cry. 

“Ali, she was wearing rings.” Tina pointed out, her voice strained. She motioned toward Cassie’s busted lip.

I titled her head down to get a good look at it. Then, I began to shake me head softly before I muttered, “I’ll take care of it.” She should’ve known who she was hitting before she’d done it. Should’ve hit her unfaithful man instead of slapping me best friend.

I grabbed a drink that was idle at the bar top. Angie and the girl’s arguing got louder. I saw as the woman began to raise her arm, her fist clenched.

“Oi!” I yelled. The girl twirled ‘round and I threw the drink in her face before punching her straight on the nose. She gasped in pain as she went to cradle her nose. I gave her a moment to recuperate.

Let’s have a fair fight now.

She looked up at me, her nose bloody. “You crazy fucking bitch.”

“A fucking bitch who’s friend you messed with, dumb cunt.” 

She growled before she launched herself at me, rather pathetically. I grabbed the hand that tried to slap me and gave her one instead. I managed to get both of her arms in me hold, I titled me head back, and head butted her.

Fuck did that bring tears to me eyes.

She fell to her knees as I let go of her arms. Instead of cradling her head, she wrapped her arms ‘round me legs and forced me down. 

I groaned on impact, but quickly shot up and punched her. She yelped and went to clutch her face.

The fact that she managed to make me fall pissed me off even more.

I grabbed a wooden chair that nearby, raised it in the air, and started beating her with it. She whimpered with each hit and started wailing. 

I didn’t care. This felt good. This felt cathartic. Why was me heart beating so loud? Why was I fighting off a smile? There was this cracking sound and before I knew it, the blood from her nose splattered across the floor. 

Her arms finally came up to protect her head, but that didn’t deter me. She turned over on her side, but I still didn’t stop. I gave one good strong swing and she left out a blood-curdling scream just as there was an audible crack in the room. Did I manage to break her arm?

“Ali! Aliena!” 

Me head shot up and I didn’t raise up the chair again. Thomas stood there with his hand out, signaling for me to stop. 

“Enough.” He breathily pleaded. “Enough now.” He took a hesitant step toward me, as if I were a fucking animal.

How fucking insulting! 

I couldn’t help it. I was just so mad. I raised the chair and slammed it against the wall of the bar top. I could hear people gasp. All that was left in me hand was one of the chair’s legs. 

I panted for breath. “There. Now that’s enough.” I ran a hand through me hair, effectively getting all me hair out of me face. The girl was whimperin' incessantly. It was so annoying. I kicked her softly as I  stepped over her body and told her to shut up.  

“Come on. Let’s go.” I called out to me friends. I could hear their shuffling behind me as I continued walking on.

Just as I was abar to pass Tommy, he caught me arm. 

“We’re gonna talk about this at home.” He whispered. His tone stern and chastising. 

I tsked and yanked me arm away from him. I marched on and caught the eyes of me employers. The look in their eyes were mixed with astonishment and disapproval. 

I rolled me eyes, hard before I opened the doors with bang.

“All right! Show’s over. Go back to what you were doing.” I heard Tommy yell.

I started walking faster. When I realized me friends’ heels were clacking behind me, I turned ‘round and waited for them. I rushed to Cassie and hovered me hands over her inflamed cheek.

She caught me wrists and held them tightly.

“We need to get some ice on it. We can’t have it bruising.” I muttered while inspecting her face again.

Angie scoffed. “What the fuck was that, Aliena?” Her face was contorted in some weird mixture of anger and disbelief.

“She got what she deserved. The dumb-arse raised a hand to Cassie expecting no repercussions. I decided to give her some.” I said with a booming voice. 

Cassie shook her head. “What about your hands?” She asked as she gently took me hands in hers and started to inspect them. “You punched her good. Are your knuckles swollen?” 

I shrugged me shoulders. “Don’t know. I feel quite a bit of pain, though.”

Angie groaned loudly. “Of course you would feel pain. You broke her nose, Ali! You headbutted her and then beat her with a chair.”

Me head snapped toward Angie. “Thank you for the play-by-play! What’s your deal?” I asked.

She scoffed again as her hands began to join the conversation. “What’s my deal? Aliena, YOU BEAT THAT GIRL WITH A CHAIR!”

“IT WAS AN OLD WOODEN CHAIR! Look at the end of the day, I would have done that for any one of youse. She fucking busted Cassie’s lip over a man. A man, Angie! So, I busted hers.”

Cassie sniffled loudly. “Thank you.” She whispered. “Thank you.” Cassie hugged me tightly and hid her face in me neck.

It has something to do with her past. But, I wasn’t going to out her to the rest of the girls— just because they couldn’t understand.

Tina waved her hands between Angie and I. “Angelica, I’m sorry but I’m with Ali.”

Angie scoffed as her eyes bugged out of her head.

Tina continued. “Maybe the chair was excessive, but we’re all drunk. We’re drunk! That fucking bitch just straight up slapped Cassie while she had her rings on, and...and-! Belittled her! That’s not right!”

“Tina just because we are all a little drunk does not excuse violence. I was handling it!”

I scoffed and ran me hand through me hair again. “Sure, you were handling it alright! Then, why did I have to stop her from hitting you?”

Angie averted her eyes. “She wasn’t-!”

“Yes, she was and you know it. You must have seen her cock her arm and/or at least see that her fists were clenched.”

Angie looked down at the cobblestone. “It just felt a little excessive.” She whispered as she hugged herself.

So, the leader of this pack has a little bite.

I sighed while pinching the bridge of me nose. “I admit the chair was a little over the top. I just got so angry and…” Me voice trailed off. “I’m sorry for, I don’t know, upsetting you. But what I’m not sorry for is defending you and Cassie.”

We left it at that and regrouped at the house. We talked abar it a little more before I poured everyone some water and distributed the bread. Cassie insisted on icing me knuckles, so I let her. When it was ‘round two in the morning, Cassie called Simmons.

I was hugging me arms as I watched them pile into the car. 

Angie’s head popped out as she said. “Remember I’m picking you up at four tomorrow, all right!”

I nodded. “Yeah, I got it.” I laughed as her head disappeared back into the car. I faced Cassie. I couldn’t help the pitiful gaze on me face. 

“Thanks again for, ya know, fucking her up for me.” Cassie whispered as she picked under her nails.

I winked at her. “We’re crazy together, remember.” We shared a laugh and then a hug. But after, she climbed into the car and I waved them off. I looked ‘round and then ran back into the house.

I already had a plan. I was just going to go to sleep to avoid a very uncomfortable conversation that I did not want to go through again. It was too unpredictable. 

Was I going to be confronted by just Tommy or is Polly going to be there too? Would it be a fucking family meeting? Might as well be, they’ll probably just harass me individually.

Oh fucking well!

I raced up the steps and slammed me door behind me. Me chest heaved up and down as I tried to catch me breath. I realized that I didn’t put makeup on tonight. 

I’m a fucking genius!

I ran to me bed, jumped in, got comfy, then closed me eyes. 

“Oi! Wake up! There’s no avoiding this, Ali.”

I jumped awake. Me heart was in me fucking throat and I threw a glare at Tommy. 

“Leave me alone!” I sluggishly demanded as I went to turn ‘round in me bed.

“Aliena, there’s no avoiding this so let’s get it over with, yeah.”

I shut me eyes tightly before letting out a big sigh. I rubbed me forehead before I yanked me blankets off me body. I heard Tommy walk out rather than see it. I got to me feet and walked after ‘em. 

As I extended me right hand fingers’, they throbbed in pain. I’m sure if Cassie hadn’t hounded me to ice them, they would be in much worse condition. 

We walked all the way into the family meeting room that was in the betting shop. Lights were lit, people in their usual spots. Esme wasn’t here, though.

That’s nice.

Polly with hands on her hips walked ‘til she was at Tommy’s side.

“You wanna tell us what that was all about?” She pointedly asked me.

I sighed while I rubbed me forehead again. “The woman hit Cassie. This man came up to her and started chattin’ her up. Turns out the fella was taken. The woman directly confronted Cassie as the problem. Called her names. Called her a homewrecker and said she was a prostitute. That’s when she slapped Cassie with rings on her hand.”

They all just stared at me blankly.

Well, fucking say something! Say it wasn’t me own fight! Say that they could’ve started this and not the woman. Say that I did a good job, or I had no right doing what I did! Say that I was out of control. ASK ME WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!

I looked down at the floorboard. “I knew it wasn’t me own fight, but Cassie is me best friend. And I wasn’t thinking clearly. I had tossed back like three gin and tonics after drinking all that whiskey in the snug. It won’t happen again.”

Tommy sniffed, flicked his nose, then spoke. “Right, guess that’s it then. Don’t let it happen again, Ali.”

Me head shot up and I blinked a lot. 

That was it?

I just nodded and headed up the stairs. As I gently closed me bedroom door behind me, I slid down it with me hands hiding me face. Me body shook violently as I inaudibly sobbed.

I woke up with a headache. Not a hangover, but a headache. Luckily, I had a day off today. Afterall, today was me actual birthday. So, I turned ‘round and shut me eyes. I wasn’t going back to sleep, I knew that wasn’t happening— but I just didn’t want to get up yet.

Me hand was throbbing. I tried clenching and unclenching me hand as a way to soothe it. Just like the day before, I took me time getting up. But, I didn’t start getting ready.

I took off the dress I fell asleep in and picked out me fuzzy black sweater and grey joggers to match. I ran a hand over me face before sighing and dropping me hip to the side. I racked me hand in me hair, pushing it away from me face, and then walked over to me desk. I opened the drawer and pulled out me art book. 

I tossed it on me desk and flipped it open to a blank page. I just sat there and pondered abar what I should try drawing. I blew a raspberry before I snapped me fingers as the thought came to me. 

I was gonna try and draw Tommy using watercolours. 

I spent the whole morning working on it ‘til I couldn’t stand the ache in me stomach anymore. I sighed while racking me hair back again. I got up and walked downstairs. 

I was fairly greeted by the shouts of men coming from the betting shop. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed the bread nonchalantly. I cut meself two slices, kept the knife in me hand, then grabbed the jam with the other. 

I sat down with one leg tucked into me thigh on the chair while the other was bent. Grabbed the knife ‘n began to spread the jelly ‘round as I yawned. I took two bites before I decided I desperately needed water to wash it down.

I strolled over to the cabinet and pulled out a glass. We drank from the tap, so that’s what I did. As I was drinking me water, the front door opened. 

For fuck’s sake. 

I silently prayed to God that it wasn’t who I thought it was. And sure enough, Tommy Shelby came into view. I mouthed, “Fuck,” before sitting back on me chair. I could feel his eyes on me. I kept me gaze locked on the table. 

Tommy cleared his throat ‘n I instinctively raised me head. Tommy grabbed his cap off of his head ‘n held it in one hand as he pulled out a chair. He groaned softly as he sat down. 

He tsked. “So, Ali. You wanna tell me what yesterday was really about?”

I blinked. “I already told you what it was abar.”

He titled his head and his lips pursed a little. His eyes flickered to mine. 

Was he trying to say something with his eyes? ‘Cause it felt like it. It was like he was begging me to tell him me troubles. But, I didn’t want to.

“Are you sure, Ali? You’re tellin’ me you did all that because she roughed up your friend.”

I rolled me eyes as me tongue prodded the inside of me cheek. I kept quiet before scoffing. “She just caught me on a bad day. I was already drunk ‘n agaited. Angie said something that ticked me off earlier. And I think me Aunt Flo is abar to make a visit, so yeah.” I smiled at him mockingly before I took a big bite of me scran. 

He studied me face for a little more before he tapped his finger on the table and rose up suddenly. “Right.” He muttered before he left the room. 

 After that interaction, I scarfed me scran down and went back upstairs. I worked on me painting ‘til it was four. I heard that familiar honk and cursed in surprise. I was lost in painting. I scrambled ‘round to collect me things. I was going to stay over the weekend. 

Her incessant honking was raising me blood pressure and I fought back the urge to shout at her. I was zipping ‘round me room gathering everything. I slug me backpack on and flew out the door.

Just as I was grabbing me coat, a voice caught me. “Aliena, love. Are you sure this is a good idea?”

I stilled and looked at Polly. “How do you mean?”

She looked at me with a concerned face. “Should you be partying with what happened yesterday?”

I averted me eyes. “It’s me birthday, Pol.” I whispered.

She didn’t say anything in response.

I looked up at her before taking me coat hurriedly off the hook and running backwards. “Love you, Pol! Bye!”

As always, Cassie was waiting for me outside the car. We hugged and then climbed inside of the car. We brought up what happened again ‘n really cleared the air. 

I just wanted it to go away, ya know. Be forgotten. It literally happened yesterday night. It wasn’t going away anytime soon.

When we got to the flat, the girls wasted no time pushing me into a chair. 

“What are youse doing?” I asked through me laughter. I noticed there were other women in the room as well.

“I hired these women to do our hair and makeup. I want you to look your best! I even hired a photographer. But first, the dress you will be wearing!” Angie divulged as she walked over to the closet. She reached inside and pulled out a silk green dress.

It looked exactly like the one Kiera Knightly wore in Atonement. Me own gasps were not the only ones heard throughout the room.

Tina came into me view and took the dress out of Angie’s hand slowly. “I showed my family’s dressmaker the drawing you drew of me in this dress. I asked them to make one just like it. I wanted you to have the real thing.” She walked over to me and I took the dress into me hands as she held onto the hanger.

I stroked the fabric, silk. “Oh, Tina. It’s so beautiful. Just how I-!” Just how I remembered it. I hummed with a painful smile on me face. I hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. “Thank you.” I whispered in her ear. 

Cassie clapped her hands. “Alright. Let’s get dressed before we get our hair and makeup done.”

We did as she suggested. Once we were all done changing, we sat down on the chairs where the cosmetologists were standing patiently. In a very movie-esque fashion, the cosmetologists flapped open their smocks and draped it over us, simultaneously. 

Angie was sitting in the chair beside me.

I looked over at her. “Angie, you didn’t have-!”

She held up her hand, effectively shuttin’ me up. “I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. So, let’s all just enjoy this.”

The cosmetologist began by curling me hair in loose waves and then proceeded to give me a faux bob. Something I could never achieve if I did this by meself. I struck up a conversation with her and she was happy to give me some tips. 

I looked at meself in the mirror. I couldn’t believe how me hair looked. I looked like I finally belonged in this era. I couldn’t stop the Cheshire-cat grin on me face. But I had to relax it as ordered by the cosmetologist. 

When it was all said ‘n done, they women left and I opened Cassie’s present. She got me an amethyst earrings and necklace set this time for me ma’. When I started to tear up, the girls rushed to me and begged me to stop before it could even begin. That got a laugh out of me.

The earrings were Long Cluster Gemstone Earrings and the necklace was silver with an amethyst teardrop. I rushed to put them on and then it was time to go. 

God was Angie’s mansion intimidating. Even more so that it was filled with people from high society that were unfamiliar to me. I knew I was going to meet with a lot of people tonight. 

The party was in a light swing when we arrived. I stuck to Cassie like gum on a shoe. While I desperately wanted to find a table and stand ground there or find some secluded place so that I could relax, I was stuck with Cassie— greeting her other friends and acquaintances. 

It was so embarrassing when they asked abar me family. Only to tell them that I’m an orphan and I met Cassie when I was giving her directions. I didn’t miss the faces. The faces of people who sneered at me. Teased me for me status behind me back. Made stories up abar why they were keeping me ‘round. Maybe even for the dress. It was a 1940s style dress, I think.

I didn’t expect to feel this way. I thought I could move past it, bury it all down. But, I was finding it harder to do than expected. Still, I kept a polite smile and dug me nails into me palm. 

When the mansion was packed, Angie ushered me to the stage where the band was playing. She made a big spectacle of it.

“Everyone, I gathered you all here to celebrate my good friend, Aliena Welsh’s 18th birthday.” She clapped which was mimicked by everyone in the crowd.

For pride, I suppressed the need to cover me face and spazz out. I kept that tight, polite smile on me face.

“Bring out the cake.” Angie shouted. On her orders, men in tuxes— the stewards or butlers or manservants— rolled out a cake and left it in front of us. Angie guided me where to stand. “We’ll sing Happy Birthday on three, everyone. One, two, three!”

A whole crowd was singing happy birthday to me. It was absolutely mortifying. I kept me gaze as Cassie, who was singing with a thumbs up. She knew I was freaking out. 

When the whole singing was over with, I made the same wish I did yesterday. I walked off the stage with Angie. I rushed over to Cassie and hide me face in her neck.

“They were all looking at me.” I whimpered.

She rubbed me back. “I know. I know, honey. How about we get a piece of cake, eat, then get fucking drunk. Huh? Sound alright?”

I looked up at her and nodded. So, that’s what we did. We ate a piece of cake and marched over to the bar. 

“Oooh!” I exclaimed. “Let’s play a drinking game!”

Cassie furrowed her eyebrows. “What game?”

“I think it’s called blowjob.”

She gasped while slapping her hand over her mouth. “Oh my god! Ailena!”

“Look we order three shots each and whoever drinks it the fastest without using their hands wins. You game?”

Cassie looked hesitantly. Her hand covering her mouth to hide her smile. “Fine! What the hell, right? You’re the birthday girl, after all.”

I cheered and called over the bartender.

We could only play one round of that game. I got buzzed fairly quickly since it was vodka. But we settled for beer. 

We danced, sat down, drank, smoked, and eventually I got so drunk that I started dancing modernly. I was swaying me hips while holding a bottle of whatever, dancing to the music in me head.

I felt hands wrap ‘round me arms. I turned ‘round to see Angie. 

“Angie!” I squealed before going in to hug her. She giggled before titling me head back.

“Aliena, you need to slow it down.” 

I blew raspberries. “I’m ‘aving fun. ‘Ave fun with me.” I kept her hand in mine as I leaned away and started dancing again.

Angie sighed while clutching her forehead. “Fine, I’ll have fun with you. Just! Stop dancing like that!”

I shrugged me shoulder and stilled instantly while a piece of hair fell into me eyes. “Okay.” Then, I pulled her to the bar where we chatted and drank.

I don’t know where I was. I was just extremely nauseous. I used the walls to support me as I stumbled along. The entrance doors were in me sight. I walked faster and felt me mouth water. I immediately doubled over into a plant and vomited.

When I was done, I stood straight while wiping me mouth. I gathered what was left in me mouth and spat it out. I whimpered as I clutched me tummy. 

I stumbled down the steps. Me legs were shaking like leaves. I groaned and plopped down on them. I bent over and started taking them off.

“Fucking devil shoes.” I grumbled. When I was done, I wobbled me way back up to me feet and walked further out in the backyard garden area, place, thingy.

I chortled at me thoughts.

When I got tired of walking, I sat down on some undistinguishable patch of grass. I was surrounded by acres of sophisticatedly cut grass.

I used me arms to support me as I leaned forward. I picked at the grass for a while ‘til it hit me.

I just threw up in one of Angie’s plants... 

Stutteringly, me arms gave up on me and I was laying down. I raised me arms to cover me face as it started to contort. A sob escaped me lips. Me shoulders shook violently.

I’m turning into an alcoholic. I drank ‘til I threw up in me mate’s flowers.

What’s wrong with me! 

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