#(my mother used to take us to the la times festival of books every year so I met quite a few of them)

[essektheylyss]

Books I just remembered exist: the Airheads Series by Meg Cabot.

What The Fuck Was That (Honorific).

[dankusner]

From: Daniel Kusner Subject: Lawrence wright Date: September 7, 2015 at 1:29:18 PM CDT To: "Kusner, Daniel" Daniel.Kusner@dps.texas.gov

You could use this: "Austin is already at the center of the bicycling culture, with flatlands on one side and hills on the other, and great weather for cycling. All we need is more bikeways to make it the perfect place for bikes to rule."

Sent from my iPhone

On Sep 7, 2015, at 1:10 PM, Kusner, Daniel Daniel.Kusner@dps.texas.gov wrote:

Next Thursday, author Lawrence Wright ("Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief.") is coming to Dallas for a reading and signing to promote his newest, “God Save Texas: A Journey Into the Soul of the Lone Star State ” which Knopf releases on April 17.

In Chapter 7, “Big D,” Wright recalls having dinner with Robert Wilonsky. That same chapter, Wright says, “The Dallas Morning News, the most important paper in the state and one of the leading papers in the county."

PDF — 512 CYCOLOGY

PDF new yorker — 1988

Can God Save Texas? A Film God Like Richard Linklater Might Help

One of Texas film's greatest voices speaks on the "cruelty" of the criminal justice system in a new HBO docuseries.

Eva Raggio

Film director Richard Linklater takes a look at the inhumanity of Texas prisons. Mat Hayward/Getty Images for IMDbGod Save Texas, a trilogy of documentaries that debuted Feb. 27 on Max, examines some of the state’s deeply rooted issues. Based on the book God Save Texas: A Journey into the Soul of the Lone Star State by Lawrence Wright, the limited series was made in three parts, each by a different Texas director.

The first, “Hometown Prison,” was directed by Richard Linklater; the second, “The Price of Oil,” by Alex Stapleton; and the third, “La Frontera,” by Ilana Sosa.

Linklater has produced a widely varied body of work, including the highly stylized intellectual favorite Waking Life, the coming-of-age comedy and stoner cult classic Dazed and Confused and indie hits such as School of Rock and Bernie.

Cinephiles are perhaps most sincerely attached to his naturalist masterpieces on time, such as Boyhood — which followed its characters through scenes that took place over 12 years and earned Patricia Arquette a Best Supporting Actress Oscar— and the Before trilogy, in which he surprised viewers with out-of-the-blue sequels, completing a love story through near-voyeuristic glimpses of a couple (played by Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke) across cities and decades.

We spoke to Linklater via Zoom from Paris, where he's working on a film that’ll keep him away from his adopted hometown of Austin’s SXSW festival — an event he’s hardly missed in two decades. It's nighttime in the City of Lights, and he has Woody Allen's Midnight in Paris and much more on his mind.

For the Austin-based director, dealing with real subjects (including his own mother, Diane Margaret Linklater, a former professor and advocate for inmates) in God Save Texas prompted a different form of investment into his film’s characters.

“I'm always close to my characters, even if I've kind of created them, written them,” Linklater says. “But there's a real actor there. There's a real person you're working with. So in this case, you're working with real people, you're getting their own personal stories. On one hand, it didn't feel that different. I want to have an affection and an understanding for people, but it's personal: It's their lives, it's my life, it's my mom. It couldn't help but be personal. And you're asking others to tell very personal, sometimes painful stories in their own lives. 

"So yeah, it's a big ask. But I think in a way, they trusted me because I was local and maybe they knew it was personal for me, but I feel close to every story. You're just trying to tell in the way you feel. So it felt right.”

Intercut with scenes from protests and stories of death row inmates, the film sees Linklater returning to Huntsville, a city 70 miles north of Houston that has the most active death row prison in the U.S. Viewers can practically smell the grease off the small-town diner menus as Linklater reflects with his subjects (many of them his old classmates), on how his hometown’s prison industry grew so wildly out of control — at least tenfold, from 10 prisons to 114 — in the past few decades, and uncovers the inhumanity of inmates' living conditions.

The auteur filmmaker is a proud Texan whose roots creep up in his work. And he maintains the love of home while decrying its systemic failures.

“You're catching me on the wrong night,” he says of his feelings for Texas. “We're executing an innocent guy tomorrow in Huntsville, Ivan Cantu, who's being put to death without … I mean, I can't believe it. I'm just stunned and really depressed, kind of a little desperate. We've been doing all we can. It's just like, gosh, the new normal. OK, we can kill innocent people. The next administration, maybe we can start … There's talk of camps. What's next? What can we put up with? 

"So on the one hand, I love Texas and I love the people, but I really do feel a disconnect with the cruelty. ‘Cause I know Texans aren't cruel by and large, but I think our government policies are extremely cruel, and this executing an innocent person is about the top of the list. So I don't know. It's times like this you feel pretty bad.”

Linklater says he didn’t stumble into any major production roadblocks, but taking on a project that required such a deeply personal investment was a matter of facing his past to expose a haunting present.

“Everyone was so giving and open and kind; I think it was just me getting over just wanting to go there myself,” he says. “This film concerns my mom. It's a lot of my own past. I was asking people to tell their stories. So it was just deciding to do it, I think. And I mean, these issues about criminal justice and the death penalty, these have swum around in my head all these years. 

“It was kind of cathartic and satisfying to find a home for some of these feelings. And my summation is fairly simple, really. I think after all of it, it's just like, yeah, the death penalty really does hurt a lot of … there's a lot of collateral damage to so many people and these state employees who have to be dragged through it. So to me, it's just kind of unnecessary trauma induced on innocent people.”

The film focuses on the trauma on both sides of the bars, from convicted inmates (many of whom proclaim their innocence) to state workers whose daily duties include strapping the bodies of death row prisoners onto and off the gurney. His opinions on the death penalty haven’t necessarily changed, but Linklater is more adamant than ever that the system predatorily exploits human error for profit, as we idly cede our rights to a state where punishment far too often exceeds the crime.

“My conclusion is don't do it,” he says. “I'm not a full-blown prison abolitionist, but I'm heading that way only in that — I don't mean let murderers out on the streets. I just think we could approach in a much more humane … the way we systematically create all this pain. We could systematically create more worthwhile treatment. I mean, face it, the prisons are full of people in on — it's mental health and drug addiction. If you treated those things, there goes 90% of the population right there.

“And then keep really the psychopaths, the murderers, serial sexual assaulters. I think we all have a vested interest in keeping certain people isolated from the general population, but people who made a bad mistake or something, I can't explain a tenfold increase. Crime is down everywhere. That's just the trend. Violent crime, everything's down. So why is our prison gone up 10 times in the last 40 years? I don't know. Things we have to ask ourselves. ... We should be investing in people, not just punishing them.”

For God Save Texas, he says, the trio of directors hardly compared pre-production notes beforehand. 

“We were sort of siloed in our own projects,” Linklater says. “We knew what everybody was doing, but I guess I went first and set a certain tone, maybe with the personal. When we started I don't think we really had a full plan. I was like, ‘Larry [Wright, who also executive-produced the series], so are we gonna go to Huntsville?’ And we just felt our way through it.”

Before and After the Before Trilogy

With his cinematic oeuvre falling into an array of styles and genres, Linklater doesn't give much thought to his overarching body of work, preferring to hyper-focus on each film. He says he hasn’t even pondered the uniting thread woven across his projects.

“I don't know. I'm always telling kind of character-based work,” he says. “The concept is never bigger than the characters. They're pretty far away from superhero or anything like that.”

While his films are often of the deeply felt variety that persist on viewers’ minds long after the credits roll, he also adds: “Or laugh. I've made comedies, a little bit of everything. I don't know, just always trying to express myself in my own relation to the particular story or subject.”

Least of all does he consider his legacy, or his writing living on through the ages.

“Boy, I can tell you, I never think I'll live on for generations,” he says with a laugh. “I'm really focused on what I'm doing like right now, making this movie. So that's really all you can do.”

He concedes that he's mildly aware the Before movies have prompted a niche form of tourism, made up of fans who visit the first film’s Vienna locations, for example. But he hasn’t been to Vienna in about 15 years and assumes the interest has dwindled. (It hasn’t; visit the record shop where Jesse and Celine share a charged exchange of awkward missed glances in a listening booth, and see for yourself.) He laughs at our joke suggesting the Austrian capital should’ve given him a key to the city.

Nonetheless, as he finds himself in Paris, Linklater has learned that the bookstore featured in the second installment, Before Sunset, is still a bit of a treasure for fans following the Before map.

In Huntsville, he’s known as “Rick,” a former football player for the state’s highest-ranking team. As a young adult, he self-taught filmmaking on a Super 8 camera. Before long, Rick went on to receive Academy Award nominations, be named one of Time’s most influential people in the world in 2015, and become an advocate for filmmaking, and particularly Texas filmmaking, as co-founder of the Austin Film Society.

He's a successful independent filmmaker whose movies have made a crater-sized mark on pop culture, so one would assume Linklater finds himself in a privileged spot coveted by any artist looking to make an impact without the fine print double-dealings. 

“Successful? I don't know. It doesn't feel that way all the time when you're working on a real low budget and you don't have enough time or money to make your movie,” he says. “But maybe that's it. I've just never cared about, I guess, the money or that result. I've really just focused on the next story I'm trying to tell and kind of avoided a certain kind of careerist trappings. Maybe staying in Texas probably was a good thing for my mental health.”

It hasn’t been hard, he says, to sustain that balance, keeping a sense of artistic autonomy while avoiding industry money grabs and other Hollywood pitfalls.

“You say no a lot," he says. "I think you define yourself a lot in this world — it sounds corny or maybe you heard it: It's like you kind of define yourself by what you don't do. Just because you have opportunities doesn't mean you have to do it. So the things I've turned down, the things I've not wanted to do that I could have, kind of defined you. It's like, yeah, no, I'm really focused over here. I know that's more money and that [I’ll] get to work with some big star, but I don't really want to do that. I want to tell [my stories]. So just follow your own muse.”

During the pandemic, his kids became an elite audience in a Linklater-selected, at-home film festival. He was glad they’d grown past the animated children’s movie days (“I could not wait to get out of kid movies. We did that pretty quick. I'm a filmmaker, I was showing them stuff, but yeah, I could not wait until they were starting to ask me more about movies”) and into more sophisticated cinematic territory.

“Say what you will, the pandemic was terrible, but we watched a movie every night,” he says. “These teenagers [would ask], ‘What movie are you going to watch now? Let's do the French New Wave, or let's watch films from Brazil.’ It was like my own little one-year curation, my own little film society in the family.”

For all the brilliant dialogue that mark his own films, the uniting thread he never thinks about, Linklater isn’t surprised that the most quoted line from his movies was famously ad-libbed by Matthew McConaughey in Dazed and Confused.

“He wasn't even scheduled to work that night,” he says of his fellow Texan. “We worked up that scene and he just threw in that 'All right, all right, all right’ — he said that as he was driving in, and I thought it was really funny."

Linklater remembers that "within a day or two after that," the expression became a popular saying among the film crew.

"I noticed a key grip say, ‘OK, we're laying some dolly track over there. Let's go do that. And [he] goes, ‘All right, all right, all right, all right.' He was already repeating it," Linklater says. " And on one hand, I'm not surprised. I mean, of course you're surprised when you see a T-shirt with it or something like that, that's crazy.

“Matthew … he's earned it, I guess.” 

click to enlarge 

A new HBO docuseries finds Austin director Richard Linklater visiting his hometown to examine a universal issue: the ever-expanding prison industry. 

Max/Richard Linklater

newyorker.com

In “Hometown Prison,” Richard Linklater Looks at Life on Both Sides of the Wall

Richard Brody

8–11 minutes

With little fanfare, a complex and far-reaching personal documentary by Richard Linklater, “Hometown Prison,” dropped last week on the streaming service Max. It’s one of a trio of excellent films made under the rubric “God Save Texas,” based on the book by Lawrence Wright, of this publication—all of which consider the state’s history and politics in the light of the filmmakers’ own lives and families. The second film, “The Price of Oil,” directed by the seventh-generation Texan Alex Stapleton, traces the economic racism on which the state’s oil industry was built, as manifested in its disproportionate pollution of predominantly Black neighborhoods, including her family’s own. The third, “La Frontera,” by Iliana Sosa, who was born in El Paso to a family of Mexican descent, considers the historical unity of that city with its Mexican neighbor, Ciudad Juárez, and the enduring burdens imposed on Mexican Americans by white supremacy and the resulting militarized border. It takes nothing away from these latter films—exemplary blends of journalistic investigation, historical analysis, and intimate experience—to call particular attention to the power and the aesthetic range of Linklater’s documentary, which combines a narrow focus on a single institution with a conjoined exploration of the director’s life and his œuvre.

“Hometown Prison” is about Huntsville, Texas, where Linklater lived from 1970 (the year he turned ten) to 1981. He has previously explored his boyhood experiences there in such films as “Dazed and Confused,” “Everybody Wants Some!!,” and, of course, “Boyhood.” However, “Hometown Prison” concentrates on one oppressive peculiarity of the town: there’s a large prison in the middle of it, in plain view of much of daily life there, and a vast network of prisons spread throughout the town and its vicinity. The prison system is the town’s main employer. Texas, as Linklater relates, has the most incarcerated people of any state; it also executes more people than any other state, and those executions take place in Huntsville. Prisons, in other words, are a ubiquitous presence in Huntsville’s landscape, and yet, Linklater says, “At some point, you don’t really even see it.” In “Hometown Prison,” he attempts to see—and to give voice to silences on the subject, in his life and his work, that he has until now not managed to break.

It wasn’t for lack of trying. Though Linklater credits Wright (one of the filmmaker’s longtime friends, who appears on camera, as he does in the other two films in the series) with the suggestion to make “Hometown Prison,” the work is anchored in two incomplete projects of Linklater’s. The first, a drama that he’d hoped to make in 2002, was about two high-school football players who, a year after graduation, end up on opposite sides of the prison walls. The second was to have been made from documentary footage that he shot in 2003, of protests outside those walls, when an inmate named Delma Banks, Jr., was about to be executed despite abundant evidence of his innocence. Linklater couldn’t find funding for the drama and never did anything with the footage—plentiful amounts of which appear in “Hometown Prison.”

Here, Linklater breaks silence in the most direct and literal way—by speaking. He delivers a copious and confessional voice-over, complete with reminiscences, observations distilled from research, and candid assertions (as when he declares capital punishment “barbaric”). He also appears on camera, in conversation with Huntsville residents whose lives intersect with his and with the town’s carceral economy. Linklater’s recollections of his late mother, Diane (included by way of a talk with one of her friends), involve her activism on behalf of incarcerated people released into town with no support. One of the most revealing exchanges is with Elroy Thomas, a manager at a Huntsville bus depot, who estimates that, in his thirty years on the job, he has sold one-way tickets out of town to hundreds of thousands of newly released prisoners—and adds that, in the process, he has become acutely sensitive to their frame of mind and the extent of the preparedness to return to private life. It’s shocking to see a line of former inmates walking casually away from prison with no clear destination down the closed-off vista of a leafy street. “They don’t offer no rehabilitation,” one of them comments. “If you’re trying to get right, you need to do it on your own.”

Among the ex-prisoners with whom Linklater speaks is Dale Enderlin, one of his former baseball teammates from Huntsville’s Sam Houston State University, where Linklater’s mother taught. (The team was later the subject of “Everybody Wants Some!!”) Enderlin spent thirty-nine months in prison for white-collar crimes, and his main observation from his time there is how routinely young, nonwhite people are railroaded into confessions for crimes that they didn’t commit. A civil-rights lawyer, Bill Habern, who arrived in town as a public defender in the nineteen-seventies, dated Linklater’s mother, and remained a family friend, says, “I came to Huntsville and I thought I’d landed in Mississippi twenty years before.” He shows Linklater bullet holes in his home, estimating that there are twelve to fifteen. Ed Owens, the first Black warden of a Huntsville prison, says that he experienced far more racism owing to his work inside the walls than to anything in ordinary town life; during protests involving one execution, the Ku Klux Klan demonstrated outside his house.

A prison in Huntsville, Texas.

The attitudes of many Sam Houston students interviewed in the documentary belie the centrality of prison to life in Huntsville. Despite being on a campus with clear views of uniformed prison guards, inmates being released, and demonstrations against capital punishment, they claim not to pay much attention to the facility’s proximity. “I’ve never given too much thought to it, until you hear the siren go off,” one student says. Another notes, “It seems that everyone’s aware of it, but no one wants to talk about it”; a third adds, “I’ve never heard no professor talk about it.” Linklater affirms that the “disconnect” is “kind of a Huntsville tradition.” One of his former high-school football teammates says that, even now, the prison “doesn’t even come to my consciousness.”

Of course, there are some in Huntsville for whom the prison system looms large. Linklater interviews many of them: the formerly incarcerated, and family members of the incarcerated; a local historian and activist who seeks to change the town’s civic life and is well aware of being despised for it; former corrections officials, whose firsthand experiences witnessing or even participating in executions has caused them to reject the practice; and a current one who finds the rigors of the carceral system hard to bear. Moreover, Linklater recalls one of his stepfathers, a prison guard (whom he dramatized in “Boyhood”) whom the stresses of the prison system psychologically warped and darkened.

Just a few minutes into “Hometown Prison,” there’s a shot of a restaurant across the road from a barbed-wire-fenced prison unit, which has a cheerful sign announcing “Sunday: Kids Eat Free.” I was reminded of another movie in current release, Jonathan Glazer’s historical drama “The Zone of Interest,” which is set outside the walls of Auschwitz, in a house where the camp’s commandant, Rudolf Höss; his wife, Hedwig; and their three young children live, apparently pretending, to the fullest of their capacities, that their lives are normal. Unlike Glazer, Linklater doesn’t merely observe Huntsville residents’ lives alongside prison but also hears from them. He displays deep and sincere curiosity about what people involved in a cruel system—or even merely living in view of one—say, think, and feel. He probes the psychology of their efforts to keep prison from their minds and also considers the ideologies behind the prevalence of incarceration and the death penalty in Texas—including racism, class-based inequity, an enduring myth of frontier justice, brazen demagogy, and a form of Christian fundamentalism that emphasizes strictness rather than mercy—as well as the practical policies that sustain the carceral system there, including the economic motives of contracts for businesses and employment for residents.

“Hometown Prison,” with its free and hybrid form, empathetically and indignantly brings suppressed agonies to light. It does more, too. Linklater looks deeply at the town’s self-gaslighting, at how it’s maintained and who maintains it, and to what ends. The film is a fervent and trenchant work of political psychology, living history, investigative journalism, and anguished confession.

With humor and the biting insight of a native, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author Lawrence explores the history, culture, and politics of Texas, while holding the stereotypes up for rigorous scrutiny.

God Save Texas (Penguin, 2018) is a journey through the most controversial state in America. It is a red state in the heart of Trumpland that hasn’t elected a Democrat to a statewide office in more than twenty years; but it is also a state in which minorities already form a majority (including the largest number of Muslims). The cities are blue and among the most diverse in the nation. Oil is still king but Texas now leads California in technology exports. The Texas economic model of low taxes and minimal regulation has produced extraordinary growth but also striking income disparities. Texas looks a lot like the America that Donald Trump wants to create. And Wright’s profound portrait of the state not only reflects our country back as it is, but as it was and as it might be.

Lawrence Wright is a staff writer for The New Yorker and the author of nine previous books of nonfiction, including In the New World, Remembering Satan, The Looming Tower, Going Clear, Thirteen Days in September, and The Terror Years,and one novel, God’s Favorite. His books have received many prizes and honors, including a Pulitzer Prize for The Looming Tower. He is also a playwright and screenwriter. He is a longtime resident of Austin.

A light reception will precede the event beginning at 5:30 pm, with the lecture starting at 6:00 pm. Parking will be available on the SMU campus. FREE passes will be emailed to registered guests before the event.  Seating is limited, and not guaranteed.

Wright's publication of the same title will be available for purchase and signing after the event.  

TEACHERS ONLY -- Please sign in at the registration table to receive continuing education credit.

Co-sponsored with SMU's Clements Center for Southwest Studies, Center for Presidential History, the John Tower Center for Political Studies, the Clements Department of History, the Dedman College Interdisiplinary Institute, and Dedman College of Humanities and Sciences.

-- Southern Methodist University

[geraniumshurricane]

████ █████ ████ █████ ████ █████ ████ ████ ✧ ┄ ` ☽

✈️ — ever traveled anywhere interesting? 🎮 — favorite video game(s)? 📕 — favorite book/series?

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — » （ ✗ ） @knaivcs || Munday Meme

Glad you asked!

I have been to two interesting places. For some context I live in Canada and we went to go see my mother's side of the family when I was 18 -- I was forced to go for three weeks. It was an okay time for me, we had a festival going on at that time so it was nice to see the culture there, near the end I eventually got home sick. The second place was on a plane ride all by myself to see my partner for the first time -- and yes I just remembered again it was me who went to go visit first. I visited the LA area and every moment I was there I was wondering if I was living in some sort of weird dream. I saw palm trees everywhere where as Canada has a lot of maple trees.

Favourite video games have to be Kingdom Hearts and Pokemon. During a rough time of my teenaged years Kingdom Hearts was something I enjoyed and was able to keep my mind off of things. Pokemon has always been a childhood game for me and at one point when growing up my mother's husband at the time took my games away from me. Funny enough my best friend now was playing Pokemon on the bus and sitting beside me and that's how we connected -- but that's a separate story.

I don't really read that many books but I'll gladly recommend a manga! The icon that I am using here is from Akatsuki No Yona or also known as Yona of the dawn. It's a really cute series about a spoiled princess who gets thrown out of her home with her bodyguard Hak, they travel the world together and take some friends along and over time start developing feelings for one another. To my knowledge it is still ongoing!

[itslovethatsavesthem]

The Cat Prince / Der Katzenprinz

So... hearing Caleb’s charming little Zemnian kitty fairytale, I couldn’t help wanting to translate it back to its “original” Zemnian. 

Both the transcript and the translation (minus the stream’s interjections) are under the cut. If you have any suggestions on how to improve it (German is my native language, but there are bound to be some mistakes and rough spots in there!), feel free to poke away! 

Story and translation under the cut:

The Cat Prince 

Once upon a time in a little house on the edge of a great wide wood lived a young boy with his mother. The poor boy was sick, and spent much of his days in bed, watching the days pass by from a little window in his room. The boy's mother loved him very much, but as it was just the two of them, and the boy was ill of health and frail of form, every day she had to make the journey to town where she worked in the kitchens of the local lord. While she was gone, the boy would mind the house, read one of their precious few books, and observed the bees and the trees and the birds in their flight, as he spent the greater part of his time resting in bed. 

The boy knew that his mother loved him, and that her time away was all for his sake, and he was grateful to her and loved her in return, but it was a lonely life, spending his days rereading some of the same books or talking to the air in their little home on the wood's edge. 

One day, as the boy sat in bed, looking out at the fields that lay between his home and the woods, he noticed a cat making its way out of the forest. It was not long before the boy realized this cat clearly making its way toward his home was no ordinary cat, for upon his head he wore a little top hat. And if that were not strange enough on its own, as the cat pattered up beneath the boy's window, he stood, doffed his cap, took a bow and said, "Greetings, young master! You look as if you could use a bit of dancing!" 

The boy, stunned by these words from the dapper little cat, could scarcely find his voice. "Oh no, sir," said the boy, "I don't know how to dance, nor am I made for it." 

"Nonsense," said the cat. "Why, anyone can dance if only they look to. Come out of doors and let me show you." And as he spoke, the cat donned his hat, and began to turn in circles and to dance. The boy was curious, but said, "Good sir cat, I'm afraid I am ill. My lungs are too weak and my bones are too frail."

"Oh, maybe they are and maybe they aren't," the cat replied. "But either way, you do not want to languish one more day in bed, watching the world go by, do you? Come, take a walk with me through the fields, and I will show you how to dance." 

Overcoming his doubts, the boy managed to climb down from his window and walk a few steps closer. This was no ordinary cat and no ordinary day, and though he felt unsure, his heart did leap a little, and he began to follow the marvellous little cat through the grass, slowly at first, but with more vigour as they crossed the fields. And eventually he found himself stepping under the shade of the woods for the first time in a great many years. 

All the while the cat frolicked and capered as they wound their way deeper into the wood, and eventually the boy found himself stepping into a ring of trees. The cat, whirling about, his hat in hand, the furry little dancer twirled around the boy laughing and calling while the boy watched, his mouth agape. And then quick as a flash, the cat brought his tophat down right atop the boy's head, who was very suddenly plunged into darkness. 

But only a moment, because all about him, shining in the dark, he saw the glow of hundreds of eyes - feline eyes, glimmering in the dark. Suddenly, about him, lanterns flared to light, and the boy saw he was no longer in a wood at all. Here, he saw a grand ballroom, festively decorated and filled to the brim with cats. Big cats, small ones, old cats, young ones, cats of every breed and colour, and in the center of the great hall upon a stage stood the boy's feline guide, only now he was dressed in very fine robes and upon his head sat a thin golden crown of wrought, golden leaves. 

The boy stood in wonder and amazement as the great host of cats bowed to their prince, and then in turn bowed to him. "The world of men is heavy and hard," the princely cat proclaimed. "But here across the veil we move with lighter step. Dance with us, child, and forget your troubles for a spell." 

All at once, scores of cats closed in around the boy, purring and turning about his legs as thick as the sea, and as they moved, so too did the boy's feet. He swirled amongst them like a cork on the water, and before he knew it, the boy was dancing. Dancing, and dancing, as he never imagined he could, and his breath, to his surprise, was hearty and hale. He found he no longer felt ill in the least. 

Hours passed, and he and all the cats danced without end, and the prince of cats more than all of them. After a long while, the boy suddenly remembered his mother, and immediately feared she would worry. He stopped in the middle of the great hall and called out to the prince of cats, "Forgive me, sir cat, but I can no longer stay! My mother will worry! I have to return!" 

All the cats parted before him, and the prince approached the boy. "Are you sure, boy? You could stay and dance for us for as long as you wish, forever and ever and ever."

"I cannot," the boy replied. "My mother has only me, and I would not leave her alone. Forgive me." 

The prince of cats looked on the boy with a sympathetic eye. "Not at all, young one. Fear not a wit. You do your mother credit." 

And with that the prince of cats stepped closer. "And do not look so crestfallen. Take our cats' grace with you. You can always dance if the will is there." And from behind his back he brought out his tophat again, and pulled it over the boy's eyes, and once again, all was dark. 

Sometime later, the boy stirred, and his eyes fluttered open. He looked about and found he had been asleep in the wood, and the sun now dappled his face through the trees. Next, he noticed a threadbare, patched tophat lying in the soft grass beside him. He gingerly picked it up and stood within the same circle of trees. As he did so, he took a deep breath and smelled the earth and the forest, and as he did, he realized his breath was strong, and his legs hardy. 

"Danke," he said, as he looked down at the hat in his hands, and placing it upon his head, he smiled, kicked up his heels, and quietly started to dance his way all the way back home. 

The End

___________________________________________

Der Katzenprinz

Es war einmal in einem kleinen Haus an einem großen, weiten Wald ein Junge mit seiner Mutter. Der arme Junge war krank und verbrachte viele seiner Tage in seinem Bett, und sah die Tage an dem kleinen Fenster seines Zimmers vorbeiziehen. Die Mutter des Jungen liebte ihn sehr, aber da sie nur einander hatten und der Junge kränklich und zerbrechlich war, musste sie sich jeden Tag in die Stadt aufmachen, wo sie in den Küchen des Lehnsherren arbeitete. Während sie weg war, hütete der Junge das Haus, las eines ihrer wenigen, teuren Bücher, und er beobachtete die Bienen und die Bäume und die Vögel in ihrem Flug, als er die meiste Zeit in seinem Bett ruhte. 

Der Junge wusste, dass seine Mutter ihn liebte, und dass ihre Abwesenheit nur für ihn war, und er war ihr dankbar und liebte sie ebenfalls, aber es war ein einsames Leben, wie er seine Tage damit verbrachte, dieselben Bücher wieder und wieder zu lesen, und in dem kleinen Haus am Waldrand mit der Luft zu sprechen. 

Eines Tages, als der Junge in seinem Bett saß und auf die Felder hinausschaute, die zwischen seinem Heim und dem Wald lagen, bemerkte er eine Katze, die aus dem Wald kam. Es dauerte nicht lange, bevor der Junge bemerkte, dass die Katze, die offenkundig auf sein Heim zukam, keine gewöhnliche Katze war, denn auf ihrem Kopf trug sie einen kleinen Zylinder. Und als ob das an sich nicht schon seltsam genug gewesen wäre; als die Katze unter das Fenster des Jungen tapperte, stand sie auf, nahm den Hut ab, verbeugte sich, und sagte: "Seid gegrüßt, junger Herr! Ihr seht aus, als ob Ihr ein wenig Tanz vertragen könntet!" 

Der Junge, von den Worten der adretten kleinen Katze verblüfft, konnte kaum seine Stimme finden. "Oh nein, mein Herr", sagte der Junge, "Weder weiß ich, wie man tanzt, noch bin ich dafür gemacht." 

"Unsinn", sagte die Katze. "Jeder kann tanzen, wenn er es nur will. Kommt heraus und lasst es mich Euch zeigen." Und als er sprach, setzte die Katze ihren Hut wieder auf, und fing an sich im Kreis zu drehen und zu tanzen. Der Junge war neugierig, aber er sagte: "Guter Herr Katze, Ich fürchte, dass ich krank bin. Meine Lungen sind zu schwach, und meine Knochen sind zu gebrechlich."

"Oh, vielleicht sind sie das, und vielleicht auch nicht", antwortete die Katze. "Aber Ihr wollt doch wohl trotzdem nicht noch auch nur einen weiteren Tag im Bett dahinsiechen und die Welt vorbeiziehen lassen? Kommt, lauft mit mir durch die Felder, und ich werde Euch zeigen, wie man tanzt." 

Als er seine Zweifel überwand, schaffte es der Junge, aus seinem Fenster herausklettern und einige Schritte näher zu treten. Dies war keine gewöhnliche Katze und kein gewöhnlicher Tag, und obwohl er sich unsicher war, hüpfte sein Herz ein wenig, und er fing an, der wunderbaren kleinen Katze durch das Gras zu folgen, zuerst langsam, aber mit mehr Elan als sie die Felder durchstreiften. Und schließlich trat er in die Schatten des Waldes, das erste Mal in vielen, vielen Jahren. 

Die ganze Zeit tollte und sprang die Katze herum, als sich ihr Weg tiefer in den Wald schlängelte, und schließlich trat der Junge in einen Ring aus Bäumen. Die Katze, ein pelziger kleiner Tänzer mit dem Hut in der Hand, wirbelte um den Jungen herum, lachte und rief ihn, während der Junge mit offenem Mund zuschaute. Und dann, schnell wie ein Blitz, stülpte die Katze dem Jungen ihren Zylinder direkt über den Kopf, und er fand sich ganz plötzlich im Dunkeln. 

Aber nur für einen Moment, denn allüberall um ihn herum, im Dunkeln leuchtend, sah er das Glühen von hunderten Augen, Katzenaugen, die in der Dunkelheit schienen. Plötzlich leuchteten Laternen um ihn herum auf, und der Junge sah, dass er nicht mehr im Wald stand. Hier sah er einen großen Ballsaal, festlich geschmückt und randvoll mit Katzen. Große Katzen und kleine, alte Katzen und junge, Katzen jeder Art und Farbe, und in der Mitte des großen Saales auf eine Bühne stand die Katze, die den Jungen geführt hatte, doch nun war sie in feine Gewänder gehüllt und auf ihrem Kopf saß eine schmale goldene Krone aus goldgewirkten Blättern. 

Der Junge stand voll von Staunen und Verblüffung als das Heer von Katzen sich vor ihrem Prinzen verbeugte, und dann als nächstes auch vor ihm. "Die Menschenwelt ist drückend und mühevoll," sagte der Katzenprinz. "Aber hier jenseits des Schleiers bewegen wir uns mit leichterem Schritt. Tanz mit uns, Kind, und vergiss deine Sorgen für eine Weile." 

Ganz plötzlich umschloss eine Menge von Katzen den Jungen. Sie schnurrten und umstrichen seine Beine so dicht wie das Wasser der See, und als sie sich bewegten, taten das auch die Füße des Jungen. Er trieb zwischen ihnen wie ein Korken auf dem Wasser, und bevor er sich's versah, tanzte er. Er tanzte und tanzte, wie er es sich nie hätte vorstellen können, und zu seiner Überraschung kam sein Atem stark und gesund. Er fühlte sich nicht mehr im Geringsten krank. 

Stunden vergingen, und er und die Katzen tanzten ohne Ende, und der Katzenprinz mehr als alle anderen. Nach einer langen Zeit erinnerte sich der Junge plötzlich seiner Mutter, und sofort fürchtete er, sie würde sich sorgen. Er hielt in der Mitte des großen Saales an und rief dem Katzenprinz zu: "Vergebt mir, Herr Katze, aber ich kann nicht länger bleiben! Meine Mutter wird sich sorgen! Ich muss zurückkehren!" 

Alle Katzen hörten zu tanzen auf und machten vor ihm Platz, und der Prinz kam auf den Jungen zu. "Bist du sicher, Junge? Du könntest bleiben solange du willst, und auf immer und ewig für uns tanzen." 

"Das kann ich nicht", antwortete der Junge. "Meine Mutter hat nur mich, und ich möchte sie nicht allein lassen. Vergebt mir." 

Der Prinz sah den Jungen mitfühlend an. "Aber nicht doch, Junge. Sorge dich nicht. Du machst deiner Mutter Ehre." 

Und damit trat der Katzenprinz näher heran. "Und schau' nicht so enttäuscht. Nimm unsere Katzenanmut mit dir. Du kannst stets tanzen, wenn du den Willen hast." Und hinter seinem Rücken nahm er wiederum den Zylinder hervor und stülpte ihn dem Jungen bis über die Augen, und noch einmal wurde alles dunkel. 

Etwas später erwachte der Junge, und seine Augen öffneten sich. Er sah sich um und merkte, dass er im Wald geschlafen hatte, und Sonnenstrahlen durch die Bäume auf sein Gesicht fielen. Dann bemerkte er einen abgetragenen, geflickten Zylinder, der im weichen Gras neben ihm lag. Er hob ihn vorsichtig auf, und stand in demselben Kreis von Bäumen, und als er so dastand bemerkte er, dass sein Atem stark war, und seine Beine fest. 

"Danke", sagte er als er den Zylinder in seinen Händen ansah, und als er ihn auf seinen Kopf setzte, lächelte er, schlug die Fersen zusammen und fing still an, seinen Weg ganz bis nach Hause zu tanzen. 

Ende

[evak-fic-rec-turtleanon]

Evak Fics - Pining

I’m posting half of this list first because I started it a long time ago and it’s taking me a while to go through all the fics. So I will update with more later. 

*** Mutual Pining *** Pining - I might put mutual pining under pining if we don't see much of the other person pining. *** Bonus - The pining is not between Evak 

For the anon from this ask.

I will try my best to separate out the mutual pining fics but I think it will be tricky if it's not tagged as that. So bear with me and let me know of any mistakes or fics I missed out on.

. First Posting : 11 July 2021. Under 15k fics.  .

******* Mutual Pining *******

Even the Illustrator by eavk (SERIES, 3 fics) - An AU where Even’s an illustrator who draws what kids describe to him for YouTube, and Isak is the smitten father of a six year old with a wild imagination.

Postcards by HedwigsTalons (1k words) - Isak's wall is covered in postcards. Isak is supportive of Even's career and he cherishes every postcard but the long distance relationship hurts.

Feelings Come and Go, But Not With You by ultimatelawrence (1.9k words) - It was meant to just be a holiday romance. A fling. Nothing like love. But now it was six months later and Even was still pining over the angel he had met in Paris.

let's pretend into forever by Bellakitse (2.3k words) - “Let me get this straight,” Even starts. “You lied to your boss about having a boyfriend, told her it was me, and now you need me to go with you to your science nerd dinner?”

i will love you until the very, very end (and you were my best friend) by traumatic (2.4k words) - Isak and Even share something in the cool waters of a spring fed pool that no one, not even their fiancées, could ever understand.

Breathe Me by photographer_of_thoughts (4.5k words) - A high school reunion brings Isak and Even together after ten years, and neither of them can forget what happened when they were both seventeen.

Everything comes back to you by MermaidsandMermen (4.8k words) - Light pining. A dribble oneshot for Halloween, full of fluff and Even and Isak and a tiny pinch of angst. Because we need some Halloween fluff. That's all.

Fuck Tha Police by MacksDramaticShenanigans (5.2k words) - “This,” Eskild said, spinning the photograph around so everyone could see it, “is a picture of the latest piece of vandalism from our favorite little street punk.” he finished with a heavy sigh. They are both cops.

i tried to be strong but i lost it (i knew it was wrong, i’m beyond it) (6.3k words) - Even has a thing for his intern, Isak has a thing for his boss, they're both a bit clueless and their friends just want them to get their shit together.

all I see is you by littlemovie (Lejla) (7.4k words) - “Aren’t you gonna ask me why I’m a bad person?” Isak somehow whined and demanded at the same time. Jonas blew out a breath in amusement, which made the dark curls on his forehead move with his breath. “I’m guessing it has something to do with that guy, Even, from the coffeeshop?”

Addicted by endlessandinfinite (8k words) - They’re both completely, overwhelmingly, and incredibly...addicted. Best friends to lovers.

Calleth You, Cometh I by Kollakolan (8.4k words) - “Isak!” Mikaels pipes up. “Didn´t you two have a thing?” he turns to Even. A thing, Even thinks to himself. Yes, Isak and him definitely had a thing. They actually had a low-key thing going for years, but it never really turned into something more. The timing was never right.

In Vino Veritas by Sabeley (9.9k words) - After seven years apart, Isak wakes up to find Even in his bed and a wedding ring on his finger.

Let Me by GayaIsANerd (10.6k words) - Summer brings a lot of things. The smell of sunscreen. The sound of children playing in the shallow part of the lake. The taste of cold beer. The sweet tang of weed. But most importantly, summer brings Isak.

Something Borrowed, Something Blue by BluebeardsWife (10.8k words) - Fake dating AU, you know the drill. Even hires Isak to pretend to be his boyfriend at his ex's wedding. This Means Nothing to Me by cuteandtwisted (10.8k words) - Isak and Even are friends and roommates who don't believe in love anymore (after they both get dumped by other people) until they do. Aka the Friends/Roommates-To-Lovers Don't you let me go by solarpower21 (12.2k words) - In this universe, Isak and Even are roomates and nothing more. Except that there is something more between them and they both know that but are too stubborn to admit it. Too bad it takes a very unfortunate event for them to face the truth. Burn Down The Disco by TheGirlNoOneKnows5 (12.2k words) - A 'Black Mirror: Hang The DJ' AU in which Isak and Even decide to rebel against a futuristic dating system that pairs users up with various people in order to find their perfect match.

La Petite Mort by EvenbechNeiheim (13.4k words) - Even Bech Næsheim is one of those cool and very hot media students at Uni who might just got the task to make a film project. Eskild is the best wingman and things like accidently falling in love with an asshole media student happen. Based on the FIRST KISS YouTube video that gave the internet an entire meltdown. 

when your heart is bleeding, i'm coming to get you by orphan_account (13.5k words) - Isak doesn't exactly expect his hookup from last week to be the love advice columnist at the school newspaper he's working at. He also doesn't expect to fall even harder for him than he already has, which is a shame, really, since Even's crushing on someone else. 

Heal My Heart for Christmas by iwritetropesnottragedies (recklesslee) (13.5k words) - It’s been ten years since Isak left his small town for the big city of Oslo with his father. He hardly even thought of his time there anymore. Until he received a letter from his mother asking him to come home for Christmas for the first time since he had left. 

Love in the Time of COVID: Battlestar Edition by sweetasmaple (14k words) - Isak and Even find each other again during the COVID-19 lockdown, one Battlestar Galactica episode at a time. 

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******* Pining *******

never seemed so alive by retts (1k words) - Nothing special, just four letters strung together to spell out E V E N but they made Isak's heart race and his face blush and his hands tremble.

Hopeless by waitineedaname (1k words) - Light pining. There was no way in hell Isak would be able to talk to Even. He was tall and cool and handsome, and Isak was pretty sure talking to him would make him spontaneously combust.

i could probably just curl up in you. by milominderbinder (1.3k words) - Isak is away at a cabin with the guys when he gets a text from Even. 'hey, babe, did you take my favourite hoodie?' He is, of course, outraged that Even would accuse him of such treachery. The fact that Isak is wearing the hoodie at that very moment has nothing to do with it.

stuck on you (what did i do?) by itjustkindahappened (1.8k words) - It’s not that Even doesn’t try to be friendly with him—Isak just makes it so hard. Whenever Even approaches, Isak either makes up a fumbling excuse to leave, or just becomes really stiff and refuses to acknowledge Even’s existence.

now and forever (i will be your man) by thekardemomme (2.2k words) -Warning for pain. 3 times isak kisses even +1

i be up in the gym just working on my fitness by orphan_account (2.3k words) - Even knows that he's quite literally going to die when he finds his crush sweating on an elliptical, reading a book with his glasses slipping down his nose.

You know where I stay by nofeartina (2.4k words) - Warning for pain. Isak is so beautiful first thing in the morning. When he still has creases in his face from the pillow, when his face is red and puffy from sleep, his hair all messed up and curly. Even prefers this Isak. This is his Isak, this is only for him.

won't you be my livewire by itjustkindahappened (3.2k words) - "i've been tryin to grab your attention in class for over half an hour by poking you and throwing things onto your desk and you're refusing to acknowledge me and gdi all i wanted to do was tell you that you look cute and now it's gone too far and i can't go back"

Cookies and Cream by GayaIsANerd (3.5k words) - Isak has a crush on the barista. He's too scared to do anything about it, but luckily there's a blizzard coming up.

i can feel the weather in my bones by EvenbechNeiheim (3.7k words) - Isak and Even are childhood friends. There’s a boyfriend sweater and Isak is just desperate to wear it.

On the silver screen by Lokkanel (4k words) - Isak was really not in the mood for this. He had a long week at work, and all he wanted was to relax with his friend, drink a few beers, maybe even smoke some weed and just chill. But no. When Jonas called him to say that he won tickets to the coolest indie film festival in Oslo, Isak knew he could forget his plans for a quiet and simple weekend.

I want to love you (in my own language) by fauu_stine (4k words) - “Okay. Maybe I’m not happy,” he admits in a resigned whisper. “Do you need a shrink discussion or a best friend discussion?” "I think- I think it’s more of a friend with benefits kind of talk."

Don't be an ass by Julieseven (4.1k words) - Even really tried to forget about him. It started out as a harmless little crush, really. He saw him at the karaoke bar SYNG one night, singing "I don't want to miss a thing" at the top of his lungs, clearly drunk out of his mind, but looking like an angel with his messy dark blond locks and crooked smile.

Little Black Book by Laika (4.3k words) - Isak Valtersen is studying his third year at the University of Oslo and having the time of his life. Enter Evy Bech Næsheim, straight out of Nissen, in his stockings, mini skirts and bubblegum scented lip gloss.

cracks in our foundation by towonderland72 (4.8k words) - “You know, like a thousand years ago, men used to wear makeup?” Even asks, as Isak gapes at himself.

Safest With You (Green Curtains) by eavk (5.3k words) - Isak keeps staying up too late studying at the library, but luckily there's an escort service that gives students a buddy to walk with to keep safe at night.

the one with the prom video by thekardemomme (5.5k words) - Even has been in love with Isak since they were younger, but he never intended for Isak to find out this way.

Senses by Lokkanel (5.5k words) - Sight, hearing, smell, touch, taste… Or Even falling in love with Isak, one sense at a time.

you're the one i wanna grey with (5.6k words) - They've only been dating a month, so Isak shouldn't be pathetic enough to miss Even this much when he's only gone for a weekend.

Orion's Nebula by thekardemomme (5.6k words) - Light pining I think. Even Bech Næsheim was enrolled in an astronomy class for one reason and one reason only: the cute ass boy he saw standing in the registration line.

with the taste of a poison paradise by chasingflower (6k words) - It’s routine by now. Isak hangs out with his friends during the day and at night he kisses the Dream-Even that lives on the other side of the door in his living room, and basks in the warm fuzzy feelings he gets as a result of the attention. Coraline Au.

How to Get Your Man - A Plan By Even Bech Naesheim by Evakkk (6.1k words) - When Magnus drops a big secret in front of Even... Even comes up with a brilliant plan to get Isak to reveal his true feelings. All it takes is one little lie, and one crazy family reunion.

To Burn With Desire by photographer_of_thoughts (6.1k words) - AU in which Isak and Even are neighbours and Isak's father has a secret job that unintentionally helps Isak realize he's in love with his best friend.

Watermelon Sugar by MermaidsandMermen (6.6k words) - A little tribute to fruit and touching. To sex, and friendships and finding what you were looking for all along. And of course inspired by Harry Styles latest video offering, just because.

The Fake Boyfriend App by Crazyheart (7.2k words) - AU where Isak is desperately pining for his flatmate Even, and downloads a fake boyfriend app to get over him. When he discovers that the Fake boyfriend is a human, and not a bot, he is sceptical.

That look you give that guy by Lokkanel (7.4k words) - Isak and Even love each other in secret. It is almost thrilling at first, but when hiding and lying to their friends begin to take a toll on Even, Isak decides to end it all. He thinks he has taken the right decision, until Even eventually moves on with someone else.

my longing drives me crazy for you (7.7k words) - Isak's mum worries, Isak makes bad life decisions and Even loves Isak. It's a fake dating au.

I'm Always Here by nofeartina (9.3k words) - “Did you know that Even is working this summer? At that pool at the Plaza?” Jonas says. Isak actually sits up in excitement at this. “Fuck yeah!” Oh, a pool. Actual water they could go swimming in and cool down. And also, Even.

a garden for your love by eggsntoast (9.3k words) - He’s learning to breathe with them, even if he ends up with a floor full of violets by the end of it all. They remind Isak of him, and that’s all that matters. That’s what makes it worse. or: a Hanahaki au ft. Isak heavily pining after Even. Lots of angst.

I wrote an angry letter to the void, and the void responded (9.5k words) - Monday comes, and the book is still there. Isak looks around, content to find the floor practically empty, before giving the book the finger. Fuck that book. - a book finds it's way to Isak's sacred study spot. this proves to be a major distraction.

a constant state of closeness by chevythunder (9.7k words) - “What is it about this dude, anyway?” Elias asks. “You’ve barely even talked to him, right?” “I don’t know,” Even says. “I just got this feeling, you know? Just- I want to make sure he’s okay and safe and… stuff.” - It starts with a hug.

Is This Our Time? by Evakkk (9.9k words) - This is a world where everyone is born with an indistinguishable soulmate mark... it only changes into something recognizable, once you have physical contact with your soulmate, and it's always something meaningful to the relationship. Both partners will bear the same mark. Isak is about to turn 18... and he's the only one in his friend group who still hasn't found their soulmate. But what happens when he goes out one night, gets drunk... and wakes up with his soulmate mark?

Is This What You Wanted? by cuteandtwisted (9.9k words) - Isak is filthy rich and Even is a hardworking male model who just got signed to his father's agency. Even gets an awful offer from Isak: one night with him in exchange for money, and begins to despise him. Little does he know that everything he thinks he knows about Isak is wrong.

Just like in the movies by Lokkanel (10.5k words) - As he began taking in his surroundings, Isak realized he was in one of those small theaters that programmed independent and artsy movies, even old black and white films. He was ready to turn around and walk away when he heard a deep voice say, “Halla.”

my tiny heartbeat in his ear by riyku (11k words) - Now, about a week after the longest day of the year, the empty house across the street has stopped being empty. most beautiful things by scarletbluebird (12.7k words) - This fic is a whole ass journey. Warning for pain. This isn’t a fairytale, Isak tells himself. Even is standing at the bend in the road. He looks like a metaphor for immortal life: the youth a god would kill for. Ambrosia eyes, the universe trapped in the curve of his mouth. He looks like every warning from his mother about strangers you run into after dark. 

One week by Lokkanel (12.8k words) - This thing going on between Isak and Even, whatever they called it - fuckbuddies, friends with benefits - was simple, fun, nothing more. They were friends, they were both free to do whatever they wanted with other people. They’d just meet and have sex whenever they felt like it. Simple. Until what was bound to happen eventually did and Even fell for Isak. 

Plum by Jamz24 (13.2k words) - Femme!teacher!Even asks masculine! plumber!Isak to fix a broken shower on a scorching hot summer day...And if you think it sounds like the start of a porn film you're absolutely right! There's LOADS of smut but ... with LOTS of feelings 

Never be the same by nofeartina (14.2k words) - It starts with a bet - one of those really stupid ones: can they last an entire month without any kind of sex?It’s been 22 days – and Even is dying. 

Somewhere I’ve never been by MinilocIsland (14.6k words) - The first time Even meets Jonas' best friend, nothing goes according to plan. 

If I Should Fall Behind by MinilocIsland (14.7k words) - The plan for tonight had been crystal clear. Stay close to his best friend, and steal her away if needed. Hold her hand through the ordeal of meeting Noora again for the first time in years. Then Even shows up – and suddenly, nothing goes the way it was supposed to. 

All I Ever Wanted by MinilocIsland (14.8k words) - Isak is such a good friend. Probably the best there is. How else could he explain that he's agreed to join Magnus to this place deep in the woods for six full days of silence, meditation, and utter boredom? One thing, he knows. There's nothing exciting for him there. Right? Or: the silent retreat AU. 

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******* Bonus *******

Season 3: Jonas by Laika_the_husband (WIP, SBB 2021 fic) - There is a scene in the end of the script for season 1, where Jonas and Isak kiss each other on a dare. This story is a retelling of season 3 in a universe, where that kiss happened and completely changed the way Jonas sees Isak. Written in Jonas' POV, the story examines sexuality, love, friendship and coming to terms with never getting the boy you shouldn't have fallen for in the first place.

What the fuck is wrong with me? by notanugget (11.6k words) - The five times isak felt guilty for being in love and the one time he didn’t 

thanks for the weed, thanks for everything by evak1isak (13.1k words) - Jokael. Jonas' dealer has moved to Denmark, and Even recommends his friend's weed. What Jonas didn't expect, though, was to develop a crush on a boy, on Mikael. 

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******* WIP *******

Baby, why do you have to shine so bright? by Lilacpotter - Even knew he was radiant, and he was used to people always wanting to be around him, enchanted by his captivating words and glowing smiles, as if he was the tantalising sun. But then one day, he comes across someone who shines much brighter than the sun itself in Even’s eyes.

Lonely Hearts Club by EndingsNotTheStory - The Hearts Club. A show run by Isak and his 3 friends. He's kind of had enough with hearing about people's relationship issues and giving advice. Until the guy from his theatre class and Isak's totally not crush Even calls, dealing with relationship issues. pining

[pplndplcs]

The village of Coumboscuro

Shepherdess Agnes Garrone is one of a small number of residents of the Italian village of Coumboscuro

Festivals and folk lore parades celebrating Provençal traditions are often held in the village

Roumiage, a spiritual pilgrimage from Provence to Coumboscuro, is held here every year

School teacher Sergio Arneodo helped to recover the linguistic roots of the Provençal language during the 1950s

Residents are extremely proud of their heritage and have a strong attachment to their hometown

Coumboscuro: The Italian village that doesn't speak Italian

by Silvia Marchetti

Nicknamed Italy's "Little Provence," Sancto Lucio de Coumboscuro is an isolated village in almost every sense.

Situated near the border between the Piedmont region of Italy and France, visitors either need to fly to Turin, and take a train and then a bus, or drive south from Provence in order to reach it.

Those who do make the trip here would be forgiven for wondering if they're in the right country, particularly when locals bid them goodbye with the unfamiliar "arveire" rather than "arrivederci."

The official language of Coumboscuro is Provençal, an ancient medieval neo-Latin dialect of Occitan, the language spoken across the Occitania region of France.

Only around 30 or so people live in the village, and life is far from easy for locals. Coumboscuro is largely made up of shepherding families, who frequently find their herds under attack from the wolves who roam here.

The electricity is often out for weeks during the winter time, while the internet connection here is minimal.

But the village's quiet, mountain meadows and bright purple lavender fields are ideal for visitors looking for an unplugged retreat, as are the breathtaking views from its Alpine peaks, which stretch to the Cote d'Azur.

Forget bars, supermarkets and restaurants, any social buzz is limited to the occasional folklore events that take place in the village, or when day trippers embark on solitary weekend mushroom hunts.

Locals embrace a slower-paced, simple lifestyle in harmony with nature.

"We don't have a TV. You don't really miss what you've never had in the first place. When there's a power outage for 15 days in a row, there's no reason to panic: we dig out our grandparents' old oil lamps," local shepherdess Agnes Garrone, 25, tells CNN Travel.

"I'm used to waking up at dawn to tend the sheep. I work 365 days per year, zero holidays. I know no Christmas nor New Year's Eve, because even during festivities, my herds need to eat and be looked after.

"It's a life of sacrifice but it's so rewarding when you see the birth of a lamb."

Garrone runs La Meiro di Choco, an old farm that happens to be the only B&B in Coumboscuro.

Those who book in get to bed down in traditional wooden huts sample fresh produce from the orchard and have the option to buy premium wool of an indigenous Italian sheep called Sambucana, also known as Demontina.

While many of the village's younger residents fled in search of a brighter future elsewhere many years ago, Garrone and her brothers decided to stay and work on their ancestors' land.

Their mother grows cannabis and other herbs for medicinal purposes, and makes syrups from elder leaves and dandelions.

"Visitors are welcome to come stay with us, we need people to discover our world, we don't want to be forgotten and we have so much heritage to share," says Garrone.

The 25-year-old considers Provençal, which is often characterized as something of a mix between French and Italian, to be her mother tongue rather than Italian.

She explains that being a part of a socio-cultural and linguistic community that hails back centuries provides her with a strong sense of identity and territorial belonging.

The area of the Piedmont region where Coumboscuro is located passed between Italian and French rule several times in history, which goes some way to explain while locals like Garrone feel neither Italian nor French - simply Provençal.

Surrounded by forests of hazelnut and ash trees, it's divided into 21 minuscule hamlets scattered across the pristine Valle Grana, each made of just a handful of stone and wooden dwellings.

The districts are connected by trekking, mountain bike and horseback riding trails dotted with land art installations.

Its main district, which consists of just eight picturesque wooden cottages with frescoed walls clustered around an old chapel, was founded in 1018 by French monks who recovered the lands for rural use.

Although Coumboscuro flourished for many years, things began to change in the 1400s, when harsh winters saw many families move to Provence for much of the year and only return during the summer.

The village's population has dwindled for many years, but Coumboscuro underwent something of a revival in the 1950s when Garrone's grandfather, Sergio Arneodo, took over as the village school teacher.

After studying the ancestral local tongue, he helped to recover the linguistic roots and folklore appeal of the Provençal language, providing the community with a much-needed boost.

Today, whether it's a play featuring actors in traditional costumes, art shows, concerts, festivals, folk dances, dialectal contests, writing labs or even artisan shops, there are many different activities and events that celebrate Provençal traditions.

Those interested in learning more can visit the Coumboscuro Ethnographic Museum, while the center for Provençal studies holds Provençal language and writing courses for adult beginners as well as children.

Each July, thousands of Provençal-speakers dressed in traditional attire embark on the Roumiage, a spiritual pilgrimage departing from Provence in south France along the Alps to Coumboscuro.

The journey takes them across snowy peaks, steep canyons and chestnut forests, the same route previously traveled by their ancestors, as well as medieval traders, outlaws and cross-Alpine smugglers over the years.

Once they arrive in Coumboscuro, the pilgrims are greeted by a huge festival, with tents and barns set up as temporary accommodation.

Although population decline has continued to plague the village, its residents, now more aware of their roots, have developed a primeval attachment to their hometown. Today, many view Coumboscuro as a cradle of the Provençal microcosm.

"Following the cultural revival, carpentry shops now sell traditional Provençal artisan pieces and farms have flourished again, growing potatoes, apple cider, chestnuts and making herbal drinks," says Davide Arneodo, who runs the Coumboscuro Ethnographic Museum and the center for Provençal studies.

"Scholars, intellectuals and artists gather here for art exhibitions and conferences to discuss our rich heritage."

Following awareness campaigns by the local community, Italy officially recognized the existence of the Occitan minority in 1999, and Provençal is now protected by national law.

Provençal, however, remains an endangered tongue at risk of future extinction, and was entered into the Atlas of World Languages in Danger by UNESCO in 2010.

"This is one of the few valleys in the world where our tongue survives," adds Arneodo, who is also Garrone's uncle, as well as the son of Sergio Arneodo.

"In the past it was a lyrical, literary language spoken by roaming court minstrels which then fell into oblivion but here, thanks to my dad's efforts, youth recovered their ancestors' heritage and many decided to stay."

Witches and shamans play a huge role in the Provençal world, as does great Alpine food, and there's definitely a magical vibe to Coumboscuro.

In fact, legend has it that a number of locals were gifted with the power to heal broken bones and twisted ankles.

Some even believe the woods are inhabited by fairies and fauns called Sarvan, who are not only said to have taught locals how to make butter as well as Toma and Castelmagno cheese, but apparently also play jokes on the farmers by stealing their fresh milk and bags full of nuts.

Each year, Coumboscuro holds the Boucoun de Saber, or "morsels of knowledge," a popular food fair that showcases key Alpine delicacies of Provençal origin.

As for local cuisine, some traditional recipes include La Mato, or "the crazy one," consisting of rice, spices and leeks, as well as bodi en balo smoked potatoes, which is heated in the fireplace in an ancient ritual.

Aioli, a Mediterranean garlic-based sauce, is popular as an accompaniment to classic dishes. Dandeirols -- a homemade maccheroni served with whip cream and nuts -- are another stand out.

[bluesylveon2]

My My, I Could Never Let You Go

Summary: Sasha Zoe just wants her dad to walk her down the aisle. There is only one problem: she doesn't know who her dad is! Sasha invites 3 men in hopes of finding out which one is her father. What could possibly go wrong?

Pairings: Levi x Hange, Sasha x Niccolo, and other background relationships

Disclaimer: This is a Levihan Mamma Mia au. This fanfic is inspired by Mamma Mia which is directed by Phyllida Loyd, written by Catherine Johnson, and uses music from the pop group ABBA. Attack on Titan is a manga/anime series written by Hajime Isayama and published by Kondasha

Author’s Note: NOW EDITED! This chapter and maybe the next few will include character background. I know the movie doesn’t include that, but I am! This story will have some added/deleted scenes from the movie. I hope you like it though! Also, the characters are in their Season 4 looks. The 104 group will be 20-21. Niccolo is 23. The adults:

Hange, Nanaba, Rico, and Mike - 43 | Levi - 45 | Erwin - 46 | Moblit - 40 | Pieck - 37 | Porco - 35

Yes, the adults are mostly in their 40′s, but look young. Let’s just go with it

I will try to keep a weekly or week and a half update depending on school. 

Now let’s move to the chapter where we meet a happy and engaged Sasha! 😁

Need to catch up? Catch up here!

Ch 1: Honey, Honey

Kalokairi, Greece

1 day before the wedding

Two passengers walk out of the docked ferry. Mikasa - the tall one with short jet black hair and dark brown eyes - was grabbing the rest of her stuff while her friend Historia - the shorter one with long blonde hair and blue eyes - searched for Sasha. It didn’t take Historia long to find her. Sasha wasn’t hard to find. Despite her wearing her brown hair in a ponytail and wearing casual clothes; she was running towards them at full speed. Sasha also held a small book with her. 

“OH MY GOSH! YOU ARE FINALLY HERE!!!!” Sasha screamed as she ran towards her friends on the dock. 

Mikasa Ackerman is half Japanese and half German. She originally lived in Rothenburg ob der Tauber in Germany but moved to Kalokairi after her parent’s death when she was a teenager. Mikasa’s parents dreamed of visiting the island one day when Mikasa was older. She used to sit on her mother’s lap as she told her about the island's beauty. After Mikasa’s parents died, her great aunt on her mother’s side reached out to her from Japan and provided Mikasa enough money to move to Kalokairi. Mikasa’s great aunt was unable to take care of Mikasa because of her old age, so Mikasa chose to live in Kalokairi to fulfill her parent’s dream. The only downside was that Mikasa lived alone. Her home is a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom home. It’s enough for a person, but Mikasa felt alone without her parents. It was where she met Eren Jaeger's family. Eren’s mom, Carla, often invited Mikasa to eat so she wouldn’t get lonely. Eren gave Mikasa a red scarf as she was leaving the Jaeger household. He claimed it was a gift, so she didn’t feel lonely. Mikasa, touched by the gift, started visiting the Jaeger family more, and she even met Eren’s freind, Armin. The Jaeger home became Mikasa’s second home, and Mikasa was not alone anymore. It changed after Historia moved the island. 

Historia Reiss came from Munich and ran to Kalokairi to get away from her family. She felt confined in her home when all she wanted was freedom. She had also learned the ugly truth behind her family name a week after moving in with her father, Rod Reiss. Her uncle, Uri, was the CEO of the Fritz company, a conglomerate in Germany with other branches across Europe. The company also did some shady business orchestrated by Rod, but it was hidden from the public. The only plus for Historia staying home was seeing sister, Freida, more often. 

The only downside of running away to another country was not knowing the language. Historia was walking around the island when she accidentally bumped into Mikasa. Mikasa noticed how lost Historia looked, so she invited her into her home. Historia spills her entire life story (including her real name) to Mikasa the moment Mikasa sat down in the chair in front of her to eat dinner. Historia was horrified after she finished her story. She just told her story to a stranger who is most likely going to kick her out. Historia flinched when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up to find Mikasa looking down at her with a smile. Mikasa understands what it is like to be alone, so she invites Historia to stay in her home. The girls eventually lived together as roommates until they had to leave for their modeling careers. Mikasa and Historia have even walked in Milan Fashion Week. 

The home is still under Mikasa’s name (originally it was under her great aunt, but it went to Mikasa after her passing). The girls (and everyone in their friend group), use it when they stay on the island. The current inhabitants are Hanami and Mina since they were the first to arrive. Mikasa, Annie, Hitch, and Historia are the only girls from the group staying at the hotel. 

Historia also started going by her real name after an incident with the company. Rod went to prison and Freida became the new CEO. She and Freida keep in touch often via mail to make up for the lost time and update each other of their lives. Historia told Freida about her freinds, her new maternal figure (Hange), and her girlfriend, Ymir.

Sasha met Mikasa and Historia on the island in high school. Mikasa was with her friends, Eren and Armin when Sasha met her. They were often paired up for projects and events that their friendship happened naturally over time. Sasha met Historia when she gave her some bread after Sasha was caught eating in class. Mr. Shadis, their teacher, is really a strict man. He made Sasha run laps around the whole school as punishment. Sasha wouldn’t stop thanking Historia after that. 

“SASHA!!!!!!” Historia shoved her stuff towards Mikasa and began running towards Sasha. 

“MIKASAAAAA!!!! HISTORIA!!!!!!!!!” Sasha continued yelling before glomping Historia. Luckily Historia caught herself without falling into the water.

“And where is my hug?” Sasha heard behind Historia before looking up to see Mikasa smirking at her. Sasha opened one arm out to initiate a group hug.

Mikasa briefly put both her’s and Historia’s stuff down and joined in on the hug. 

“Ugh, it’s been so long! I missed you both so much!” Sasha complained dramatically as she let go of the girls. Mikasa and Historia grab their things and start heading towards the beach with Sasha. 

Sasha looked at the group and noticed someone was missing.

“Is Ymir not coming, Historia?” Sasha asked while tilting her head to the side.

“No,” Historia says sadly, thinking about her girlfriend as she looks down as she walks. “She has caught up with work lately and won’t be able to attend your wedding.” Historia looked up and smiled “She wanted me to tell you congrats on your engagement though.”

“Well we would have been here earlier, but someone” Mikasa glared at Historia “insisted on being fashionably late” Mikasa grumbled. She gave air quotes on the words fashionably late with her free hand. 

“Well are we?” Historia giggled. She waved her hand innocently while ignoring Mikasa’s last statement 

“No” Sasha laughed “Aunt Nanaba and Aunt Rico will be here later on today, and Aunt Pieck will be here tomorrow.”

Aunt Pieck is Sasha’s only known family member from her mom’s side. 

(Sasha also heard about a grandmother, but her mom never talks about her)

According to Hange, Pieck is Hange’s younger cousin. Hange’s mom and Pieck’s mom are sisters, but they weren’t that close. Hange’s mom was more focused on her singing career, and Pieck’s mom wanted to focus on her daughter. As a result, Hange would often visit Pieck’s house in Santorini. Pieck would tell her stories about Kalokairi during one of Hange’s visits. Pieck’s stories of Kalokairi sparked Hange’s interest in the island. Pieck is currently a photographer who lives in Portugal after marrying Porco Galliard. She met Porco after a photoshoot in Spain. 

Porco is a veteran from Portugal. His brother, Marcel, is also a veteran and he was in the same unit as Porco. Both brothers began traveling around Europe after finishing their service before settling down. One day, the brothers were in Valencia, Spain after hearing of the La Tomatina Festival in Bunol. Porco met Pieck during the festival after she threw a squashed tomato straight at his face. Porco had to face her alone (Marcel was somewhere deep in the crowd) and decided to get back at her. It was a battle between speed (Porco) and stamina (Pieck, Porco had no idea how Pieck was not getting tired). According to Aunt Pieck, it was like the others in the crowd didn’t matter to them. It was her vs Porco. The two got to learn more about each other after the festival ended, and they exchanged numbers. 

Sasha has not seen her Aunt Pieck since her high school graduation. Her aunt had moved to left Greece after marrying Porco, so her visits were less frequent. Nevertheless, Sasha enjoyed looking at the postcard and photos her aunt sends every year. Seeing her aunt and uncle’s happy faces puts a smile on Sasha’s face. She wishes her mom had a similar experience. 

“I knew we should’ve waited longer,” Historia complained to Mikasa and threw her arms up for dramatic effect.

“Yeah me too,” Mikasa says sarcastically and rolls her eyes.

“Speaking of guests, are the other girls here already?” Historia asks Sasha and looks around the beach expecting the others to magically appear before them.

“The other girls are here,” Sasha replies “Mina is hanging out with Marco, Hitch is dragging Marlowe around the island, Annie is on a date with Armin, and Hanami is probably trying not to kill Jean. She has been here longer and is working together with Jean on the wedding”

Hanami is a sweet but oblivious girl they had all met in high school. She is known for making rash decisions, and it worried them. Jean usually reprimands her for being rash, and Hanami would fight back verbally. She and Jean used to not get along before, but their friendship has improved over the years. Nowadays, the both of them just like messing with one another. 

“Let’s hope that your wedding does not end in disaster,” Mikasa says with a hint of worry in her voice.

Their friend, Hanami Richter, is Sasha’s maid of honor. She was born in Greece after her parents moved from Cambridge. She is both Japanese and German like Mikasa, but looks more European. Hanami has short dark brown hair, dark brown eyes,  and wears glasses. She looks like she could be Sasha’s long lost sister. (The girls switched places once, but Hange figured out ‘Sasha’ was not Sasha. Luckily Hange didn’t get mad, but she was impressed).  Hanami is currently attending the University of Vienna to study International Business Administration. 

“Oh!” Historia exclaimed in an attempt to change the subject “Show us your ring!”

Sasha laughed before stopping their walk to extend her left hand. She showed Historia the beautiful ring on her ring finger. The ring consisted of a 2-carat diamond glistened from the sunlight. The ring was not too over the top. It was a white gold ring with a diamond placed in the center surrounded by smaller diamonds to form a halo. 

Historia let out a whistle “Niccolo did really well! Let me take a picture and send this to Ymir. She was expecting a big diamond”

Niccolo is a young chef with wavy blonde hair and green eyes. Niccolo dreams of working as an executive chef after traveling the world. However, no one appreciated his cooking despite working in a famous restaurant. Sasha met him when she and her girl friends went on a summer trip to Italy. During the trip, the group decided to eat dinner at a well-known restaurant in Rome. Everyone, especially Sasha, was enjoying their meal until Sasha started eating her lobster. The girls will never forget how Sasha couldn’t stop complimenting the lobster that she wanted to meet the chef who made it. Niccolo was shocked when his co-worker mentioned what was going on outside the kitchen. Someone was actually appreciating his cooking and he moved them to tears! Niccolo had no choice but to agree. He wanted to meet this person. Surprisingly to the girls, the restaurant let her meet the chef, but only after closing time. Sasha was in tears as she hugged Niccolo, and Niccolo was shocked to see how his food affected her. (Niccolo never told Sasha, but it was love at first sight for him). They met again months later when Jean invited Niccolo over to Kalokairi to surprise Sasha. Sasha and Niccolo eventually started dating, and Niccolo proposed to her after 2 years of dating.

As Historia took some pics on her phone, Mikasa remembered what Sasha mentioned in their group chat before they arrived.

“Sasha, what’s the big news you mentioned a few days ago?”

“Right!” Sasha exclaimed and covered her mouth with her unoccupied hand “I want you guys to guess before the big reveal.”

Historia was pocketing her phone and let Sasha drop her hand back to the side. Historia let out a gasp. She put one hand on Sasha’s shoulder and the other on her stomach. 

“You're pregnant?!?!?!” Historia yelled

“No no no! You're wrong Historia.” Sasha laughed and held up both of her hands in front of her body

(Historia was relieved. Mikasa considered Niccolo lucky because won’t be sporting a black eye on his wedding day. She didn’t say that out loud)

“So what is it then Sasha?” Mikasa after the girls started walking again.

“Weeeellllllll. I invited my dad to my wedding!” Sasha screams with glee

“What?!” “You finally found him” Mikasa and Historia shouted at the same time and looked at Sasha

“Not exactly,” Sasha replied before sitting down on a rock down the beach with the girls. Their spot at least gave them some privacy to talk.

Suddenly, Sasha’s happy expression turned serious. “You also cannot tell anyone what I'm about to say. You have to promise me that and do the salute to it too?” 

“Yes ma'am. We promise” Mikasa and Historia said before facing Sasha and doing their salute. They put both of their hands in a fist. They placed their right fist over their heart and their left fist behind their backs. It was the secret salute their friend group came up with in high school. Mikasa and Historia sat down on some rocks across from Sasha after they did the salute.

“You know what my mom says when I ask about my father. It was a summer romance, and he was gone before she realized she was pregnant with me. I would accept it and never ask more questions.”

Historia put a hand on Sasha’s shoulder and gave her an empathetic smile. She understood where Sasha is coming from. Historia didn’t know much about her family as a child since she grew up with only her mom. She met them after her first year in high school, but it was not a pleasant experience, and she would rather choose to forget it (except for Freida). 

Mikasa also gave Sasha a smile before motioning with her hand to continue.

Sasha smiled at both of her friends. “Well guess what Hanami and I found while looking through the attic for wedding decorations,” Sasha says before pulling out a leather journal. It was a brown journal that looked worn and had a leather strap to seal the book closed. 

“Is that-?” Mikasa asked

“No way-” Historia began

“Yes!” Sasha squealed “It is my mom’s old diary she kept while she was pregnant with me.”

Sasha set the diary on her lap and opened it to one of the bookmarked pages. She began to read a journal entry. 

July 17

What a night! Levi took me to a secluded beach here on the island. We danced on the beach. We kissed on the beach and-

“Dot dot dot,” Sasha said

“Dot dot dot?” Mikasa asked with a perplexed look on her face.

“What does that mean?” Historia asked Sasha confused

“Who knows?” Sasha replied with a shrug “It’s from the olden times. They had weird terminology back then. Now let me continue.”

Sasha stood up abruptly and walked off from Mikasa and Historia. The girls quickly grabbed their things as they stood up and followed Sasha.

Levi is such an amazing guy! Yeah, he may be short, is always scowling, has a funny way to drink tea, and tells poop jokes, but he is such a sweetheart. He never shows it to others, but only me. Me! I get dizzy looking at his charm and going on new adventures with him. Is he some sort of a love machine? He's practically everything I want in a guy! I really think he's the one.

“Your mom sounds like she’s really in love with this Levi guy.” Mikasa comments (she also starts questioning Hange’s tastes in men. A guy who scowls and tells poop jokes? That baffled Mikasa.)

“I think it’s cute,” Historia says with hearts in her eyes and turns to Sasha “Is Levi your father?” 

“Oh but wait” Sasha stops walking on a cliff that overlooks the sea. She gestures to Mikasa and Historia to sit down before continuing.

All this time Levi tells me he loves me, but I’m doubting that now. He’s been hiding things from me, and I found out about it this morning. He suddenly announced that he was engaged, and had to leave to get married. 

How dare he?! I was too blinded by anger to think rationally. I packed Levi’s stuff, dragged Levi out of my house, and threw his stuff (and Levi) to the nearest ferry while demanding him to leave. I didn’t want to see him again, and I didn’t want him to see how heartbroken I was. 

“Oh no. Poor Hange” Historia says sadly. Mikasa didn’t say anything, but she scowled instead. 

“The plot thickens,” Sasha says and continues reading

I texted Nanaba and Rico to do some snooping for me since the internet can be weak here on the island. I gave them the information I knew about Levi and let them do the rest. Rico managed to find some things about Levi.

How dare he? He lied to me this whole time about his last name, how he is the heir of Ackerman Bank, and possibly his love for me? No wonder he was acting mysterious when we first met. I just want to-

Sasha stops abruptly. She looked at the page again to be sure she was reading it right. The page had her mother’s writing, but there were some scribbles and small crinkles. Sasha knew right away that her mother must have cried while writing the entry.

“There are multiple tear marks and some scribbles here” Sasha comments with a solemn expression on her face.

Historia and Mikasa looked at Sasha with sorrow. It seemed as if her mom went through a lot before she was born.

There was a moment of silence until Historia spoke up in an attempt to lighten up the mood. 

“At least your mom didn’t damage the diary, or we wouldn’t have any clue who your father is. Remember that time Eren and Connie accidentally knocked over that old vase at the hotel?”

All 3 girls shivered at the memory

“Well, at least the journal didn’t meet your mom’s wrath. We got lucky there.” Mikasa says with a small smile on her face

“Yeah” Sasha laughed. It’s rare for her mom to get angry. She has only seen her mother really angry once, and it was after the incident. Luckily, her mom never got mad at her. She showered her with love and affection instead. 

Sasha turned the page to another bookmarked section and looked to her friends sitting nearby. Historia looked as if she was in deep thought. Her arm was propped up on her knee and she rested her head on her fist. 

“Something on your mind Historia?” Sasha asked

Historia perked up at Sasha’s question. She then glanced at Mikasa and then the journal. Historia looked at Sasha.

“You said Levi’s last name is Ackerman, right? What if Mikasa is related to him?”

Historia gasped and turned to Mikasa with a gleeful look on her face “You and Sasha could be related! Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“I would rather not be related to Mr. Poop Jokes. He hurt Hange and he sounds like an asshole.” Mikasa scoffed and dismissed the idea. It would be nice to be related to Sasha, but not through Levi. 

Meanwhile, Sasha laughed when Historia’s smile turned into a pout. She and Mikasa are really close friends. It would be nice to at least have one of her friends be blood-related to her.

“Wait until you hear this,” Sasha says before standing up and walking away from their spot on the beach. She started heading towards the stairs along a cliff while reading at the same time. Mikasa and Historia stood up and followed her. They don’t want to miss the rest of the story if they let Sasha walk away.

Both of them sweatdropped as they ran towards Sasha

“I don’t understand why she needs to walk off from us. I get that she needs to guide us to the hotel, but couldn’t we have heard the story all in one sitting?” Historia says to Mikasa

Mikasa shrugs before jogging (and dragging Historia behind her) to catch up to Sasha. Luckily Mikasa is still athletic from high school, so it didn't take her long to catch up. 

August 4

I met Erwin Smith - a tall man with blond hair, blue eyes, and the biggest eyebrows I’ve ever seen. He looks like the star of the latest superhero movie - out of the blue when I was walking around town. He looked lost, so I offered to show him around the island. He’s such a sweet and understanding guy. Although I’m still obsessed with Levi, one thing led to another and-

“Dot. Dot. Dot” Sasha says laughing

Mikasa and Historia gasped as the girls made it towards the entrance of Hange’s hotel (aka Sasha’s home)

August 11

Mike Zacharias - a tall man with blonde hair, light green eyes, and has a tendency to sniff people - took me to his yacht for our nightly yacht ride. We spent the night gazing at the stars and telling stories. 

The girls climbed up the steps towards the hotel. Once they made it to the top, Sasha stopped and turned around to face Mikasa and Historia before finishing up her story. 

Mike is so wild and such a funny guy. One thing led to another and-

“Dot! Dot! Dot!” Sasha and Historia squealed at the same time. Mikasa watched her friends excitement with a smile on her face

A door opens behind the girls. Hange Zoe comes in with her full glory wearing her signature white shirt with overalls while carrying a broom. She sets it off towards a nearby wall.

“Here come the bridesmaids” Hange sang with her arms open for a hug

“Hange!” Mikasa and Historia say with excitement and run to get a hug and a kiss on the cheek from Hange. Sasha quickly hides the diary behind her back. She is thankful that her mom was focused on her friends instead of her.

“Look at you! You’re both so beautiful and you need to start growing” Hange ruffled their hair and laughed

“You look like you’re having fun” Hange smiled and gave them the proud look only a mother would give towards her children

“I used to have fun” she added with some reminiscence in her voice. She thought of the 3 men who impacted her life as she turned around to pick up her broom. 

“Oh, we know.” Historia giggles before Mikasa discreetly elbowed her to tell her to shut up.

Hange looked at the girls suspiciously and Sasha smiled before motioning to her friends that they needed to go. Hange shrugged before going back to the door she came from, leaving Sasha and the others alone.

The girls let out a sigh of relief before heading to Sasha’s room. Hopefully, no one else runs into them or it would raise suspicion.

Sasha walked towards her bed and sat down once they made it to her room. Mikasa and Historia set their stuff off to the side and stood in front of Sasha.

“So, who is your dad? Levi, Erwin, or Mike?” Mikasa asked

���I don’t know!” Sasha exclaims 

“But which one did you invite?” Historia asked

Sasha didn’t answer and stayed silent. Historia and Mikasa picked up on her silence and immediately knew

“Oh. My. God.” they said while simultaneously stepping back and sitting down on a nearby chest

Sasha squealed as she stood up. A big smile grew on her face 

“Do they know?” Historia asked

“Well, would you write to a total stranger ‘Will you come to my wedding? You might be my father?’ No! They think mom sent the invites and no surprise with what’s in here-” 

Sasha picks up the diary from her bed

“They said yes!” Sasha squealed causing Historia and Mikasa to jump up with glee

The girls proceed to have an impromptu dance party in Sasha’s room to celebrate. They danced around for a bit but stopped after Sasha decided to head out to her balcony with her mom’s diary. Mikasa and Historia stayed behind and sat down on Sasha’s bed. They wanted to give her space to think about everything so far.

“I’ve heard so much about them, and I want to know more about them too,” Sasha says softly to herself. She glances down at the diary and smiles “Once I do, I can know how much they mean to me.”

Skiathos, Greece

1 day before the wedding

Two taxis were heading to the Skiathos port. Both taxis were trying to reach the ferry before it left for Kalokairi. 

Erwin sat calm and composed with his business suit, but he was nervous on the inside. How would Hange react to his sudden appearance? What would she say? Is she still with the other man? He can feel the timer to the meeting counting down in his head. “If only the taxi went a bit faster,” Erwin thought to himself. 

Meanwhile, in another taxi, sat Levi. He was starting to get impatient. Levi cursed his luck before putting his pocket watch back in his shirt pocket. He would have been on Kalokairi a lot earlier if the 1 stop of the flight didn’t take too long. Levi leaned forward to tell the driver to speed up, but it seemed as if the ride to the port was too slow (in Levi’s opinion). 

As Levi sat back, he dug into the pocket of his slacks for a small blue pouch. He untied the knot and dumped whatever was inside the pouch onto his palm. A simple yellow gold ring with a diamond fell out. Levi bought that ring weeks after coming back from Kalokairi and settling his family drama. It was kind of a dumb purchase if Levi thought really hard into it. He broke Hange’s heart and she kicked him out. It’s simple, really. Hange would not say yes if he had returned to Kalokairi and proposed to her. 

Nevertheless, Levi thought yellow gold would look good on Hange’s skin because it reminded him of the yellow shirt she wore when they met. He only kept it because of the memories they had, and Levi will always treasure it. Levi puts the ring back in the pouch and pockets it. He doesn’t see himself opening it again if Hange decides to kick him out for a second time. 

Both taxis make it to the port, and both Levi and Erwin run towards the ferry only to see it leaving.

“Damn it!” Levi yells

“I agree,” Erwin calmly says next to him

Levi looks up to find a tall man with blond hair and the biggest eyebrows he had ever seen, He didn’t notice Erwin’s presence until he spoke. Levi looked at him. He internally prayed to himself that he would make it to the wedding on time and see Hange. 

“When is the next ferry leaving?” Levi asks Erwin. Levi didn’t know much Greek since Hange was the one who helped him before. He hoped the blonde stranger at least knew something

Erwin walks towards the nearest sign and reads it using basic Greek he learned years prior 

“Monday,” Erwin says dejectedly and Levi groans in frustration

“Hey!” they hear from the sea and turn their heads

They both see a tall, blond-haired man with a mustache and a beard waving to them from a yacht. There was another man with him who looked like he was doing last-minute preparations before sailing. 

“Are you heading to Kalokairi?” the man asks Levi and Erwin

“How did you know?” Levi yells. The man is a good distance away from him after all.

The man laughs “I could practically smell the desperation off of you”  Erwin’s face turns red from embarrassment. Levi scowled

“You can come with me. The name’s Mike Zacharias by the way. That man over there” He points to a guy with brown hair styled in a pompadour “That’s Gelgar. He’s been taking care of my yacht since I was away. He can help bring us to the island.”

“Sure,” Erwin spoke up. “My name is Erwin Smith. He then raised a hand and gestured to Levi 

“This is-”

“Levi Ackerman” Levi finishes for Erwin. Levi revealed his last name to them unlike when he first met Hange. Luckily both men didn’t make any connections between him and his family business.

Mike turned to Erwin “Well then, Erwin.” He turned to Levi “and Levi. You better hurry up and board the yacht soon. We are heading to Kalokairi once you are settled.” Mike said and walked off to check on everything with Gelgar

Levi sighed. He had no choice. He might as well go with Erwin and Mike since Mike is his only hope of reaching Kalokairi on time. 

Meanwhile, Erwin recognized Mike after many years. He had some physical differences but didn’t look much different overall. Erwin knew that Mike was the man Hange was with when he came back to see her. 

There is only one question that kept playing in Erwin’s head. Is Mike still with Hange?

©: This is where I insert all rights reserved stuff. This story belongs to me. Do not modify or republish

References used/Notes:

Obviously the salute used in the military

Sasha having the girls salute is a nod to OVA 2 where she makes Reiner do it

Some inspiration from both Mikasa and Historia’s backstories

Hanami is my OC from AOT 2 FB (I posted what she looks like on my Tumblr bluesylveon2)

I added more characters because I want Sasha to have more friends in her bridal party

Levi being the heir of Ackerman Bank is based on list I found of big businesses in Germany. Two were based in Frankfurt and were only banking, hence the name

But Levi owns a cafe in the Prologue? Will be explained later

Sasha and Niccolo’s first meeting is from the recent episode

I decided for Porco to be Portuguese because Porco means pig in Portugese

I’ve heard of La Tomatina and it looks like fun

I base the character nationalities on names/some reddit posts. I saw one where Pieck was Greek so I added that to her character

I picked Santorini because it’s a city I want to visit one day. Also Sootopolis (from Pokemon) is based off of there

Hange’s diary is the same journal as the one seen in AOT (Ilse’s notebook and AOT 2 FB)

The ‘Erwin from a superhero movie’ is because of Chris Evans

Hange is canonically the scariest when mad. I tried to portray this with Levi’s backstory and the vase incident 

I added the ring scene with Levi for future purpose

[sgt-morgan]

Lucky Kentucky ch. 1

Chapter 2

Hello there, this is my new Rockstar!Bucky x Reader fic. It was heavily inspired by my love of seventies mega rockstars, Almost Famous, Classic Rock, and a little bit of personal whimsy. I hope you enjoy, and read responsibly.

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️ : cussing, sexy times, drugs, booze, smoking, objectification, fornication, liberation, and a litany of other sordid topics and traumas.

Your name didn’t matter, at least not so far as you could tell. They called you Kentucky, sometimes if they felt cheeky, Bluegrass. You liked it, the first band that gave you that name was some shitty college band out of Detroit. They were convinced they were gonna be the next Led Zepplin. They called it quits three years later, a good old fashioned Rock n’ Roll suicide, booze, women, and drugs. The finer things always gets the best amateurs. However, their lead singer had a way with words, he came up with the nickname. He also wrote a beautiful song about a girl named Kentucky, who he just couldn’t swing, some big named country superstar sang the song and the last you’d heard he had been writing for the best of the best since. This earned you your title, Lucky Kentucky. A bit on the nose for your taste, but it made perfect sense. You kept following the music, you went to a band in L.A., the day you left, they signed a record deal with Sony. The next was a little English girl and her backing band, her first tour of England with you landed her a tour of the US faster than they could say ‘Burbon.’

You are what is known in the music business as a road manager, so far as you could tell, this was the job you were born to do. You made schedules, you supplied booze and other artifacts, you got hotels, paid off paparazzi, packed busses, and shoved half out of their mind rock stars on to stages in more countries than you could count, you couldn’t imagine any better life. You were the best of the best, you were who the record company called when everyone else had given up. You were a fixer, and an incredibly talented one at that. You had a gift for taking a mediocre side show band, and turning them into headliners.

So when you got the call from Tony and Pepper that you had to fix The Howling Comandos, you were shocked. They were big time, nothing like your usual fixer upper opener that you could make insta stars. They certainly weren’t your crowd, but you always had a problem saying no to Pepper, Tony’s company manager. Tony was a talented mixer, and a gifted album technician. So when he started his own label, it blew up pretty quickly. The comandos were the first band he signed. They had won Album of the Year their first Grammy season without even batting an eyelash. So once business started booming, Pepper took over the paper work, and Tony did what he did best, Fucking around with a mixing board. You had met them when you started working with Natasha and the Widows, a Blondie style punk outfit. They had a pension for eating men alive. Eventually, it got in the way of their success, so you stepped in and saved the band from total destruction. You and the starks had been thick as theives since.

“Tony, you mean to tell me, that the Commandos, the biggest artists of the decade, need my help?” You scoffed down the line, checking the Widows out of the last hotel of their tour with Greta Van Fleet.

“Yes Bluegrass, I do. Barnes is going through some existential heart break shit ‘cause ole bitch called of the wedding, and fucked the Guitarist of their opener. He’s been all drugs, booze, and sappy shit since, and someone’s gotta get the mother fucker back on stage. I’m Loosing money here Kentucky, something’s gotta give.” Tony sounded livid, there were very few times where Tony was as frazzled as this, so you knew it was serious.

“Alright, but I have conditions.” You sighed, you thought you could hear the sound of Pepper weeping tears of joy, but you couldn’t be sure. “I want the Widows to open, I’m not done with them yet Stark they’ve got some potential that still needs to be tapped. I want Frankie on security, I want Wanda for wardrobe and makeup, I want Vision for my techie, and I’m taking Peter as my Head roadie.” It was a big ask, but if you were doing this, you were gonna need the best possible team.

“Jeez woman, rob the treasure chest would yah? You want all of them? You just asked me for the entire roster. They’re on other tours! I can’t just- HEY! Woman don’t you-“ you heard a slap and an ow, and suddenly you were with the one and only Pepper Potts- Stark.

“Kentucky? You have a deal. You can have the Allstars in three months, everyone’s tours should be wrapping up, that puts you just in time for festival season. You up to it?” Pepper sounded like someone had just kicked her puppy. So you knew, you were the only one that could save the day.

“Virginia? Count me in. Give me the three months to plan and connect with the team and I’ll make sure James Barnes makes it onto that bus.” You could practically taste her relief through the receiver. What had you just signed up for.

————————————————————————

You’d done it. Six months, 7 bus rentals, 75 hotels, 107 plane rides, 20 festivals, 95 shows, 89 cities, and roughly 200 people later, you had managed to construct the American leg of one of the biggest and longest tours you had ever seen. All it took was two months, and 23 bottles of Jack Daniels, and you had done it. Now all you had to do was meet the band, and have your first tour meeting.

You had never been so nervous to meet a group of men in your life. Normally, these meetings we’re pretty laid back and informal. Lots of getting to know you, and goofing off. This time, you were in charge of a multi-million dollar tour that could make or break the band of the decades d ruin your career. No pressure. Needless to say, you were fairly nervous.

You were relieved upon arrival that the first people to make it in were the people who seemed to be the most reliable. Vision and Wanda were quietly whispering  to eachother in the corner as always, their hands gently intertwined as they surveyed the rest of their new subjects. Frankie was standing off in another corner looking like an immovable brick wall. His sunglasses firmly in place on his nose, looking scary as always. Peter was off with the widows flirting with their drummer. You didn’t think it would end well, seeing as MJ was a bit of a hot head, and Peter was akward and nerdy, but to your surprise, they seemed to be getting along swimmingly. Natasha and Carol were staring at a book full of something, if you had to guess, it would be song lyrics of some variety, and to your shock and absolute awe, Peggy had saddled up to Steve Rogers. Steve was the guitarist of the Commandos, and he seemed to be thoroughly enjoying her company. Tony and Pepper were chatting with Clint and Sam the drummer and bassist of the Commandos, and Bruce Banner, your newly appointed second hand. James Barnes was nowhere to be seen.

“Well, well, good to see that most of you have arrived early!” You smirked walking to the head of the table with your big box of tour folders, Peter moving instantly to help you. “If I have not yet made your acquaintance, I am Kentucky, just Kentucky, you may call me Bluegrass or Lucky, but I will always prefer Kentucky. It has come to my immediate attention, that you sorry suckers were in need of a fantastic road manager, and here I am.” You survey the room as you spoke taking into account every face that you could see in the room and making sure everyone was following. “Now, where is James?”

————Some unnamed bar across town ————

Bucky’s head pounded. Wether it was from the booze or the pounding music he had no clue, but he could tell that it was far too early to be in this booth.

“You really went for it last night Barnes,” Bucky looks for the source of the voice to find that, Luke Cage, owner of the best bar in LA, was unloading boxes of tequila into his storage cabinets under the bar. “You shouldn’t have either, you’re late for your tour meeting.”

Bucky absorbed the information, and felt it melt out of his brain as if it were nothing more than an irritating ear worm. “How do you know about that?” He sighed running a hand down his face and slowly standing to grab his leather jacket.

“It’s sharpied onto your arm,” Luke chuckled pointing to Bucky’s right arm in just about the only clean space someone could fine. “Steve came in and did it last night before giving about a hundred dollars to let you sleep it off in that booth.”

“Of course he did,” Bucky scoffed, “the punk never knew when to leave well enough alone.” Bucky quickly slipped his sunglasses over his aching eyes, as he watched Luke slide a cup of coffee across the bar. “Goodbye Luke, your bar is the only thing I’m gonna miss about this town.”

“Goodbye Bucky, the free live music, and the fantastic tips are all I’m going to miss about you boys. I’ll tell Jess you said hello.” And with that final fond farewell, Bucky left Luke’s bar for the last time before he was trapped in a tour bus for six months.

The drive to Stark Records was as second nature to him as tying his shoes. He easily glided in between cars, making record time to his place of employment. He parked his bike next to a slot that occupied the sweetest little red corvette he’s seen in a good while. The tune in the reference catches his brain and he starts to whistle the chorus, wishing the artist formerly known as Prince was still around. He walked past Sharon, the desk clerk, giving her his customary wink and a smirk, stealing a sucker out of her candy dish and wandering into the meeting.

That’s when he saw her, the hottest piece of ass this side of the sunset strip. She looked powerful, she looked commanding, she was covered in tattoos and wearing the best looking little black number. She was saying his name. “Where is James?”

“Right here sweet thing, I hope I’m not too late to the party, I’d hate to miss anything that came out of that pretty little mouth.” Boy was it pretty, the full lips covered in a red shade that he could only seem to imagine smeared all over her moth as she panted his name.

“Ah, yes there he is. Hello, James. Just in time to-”

“James is my dad sugar, I’m sure we can think of something a little more clever for you to-”

“Alright then Junior if you don’t mind, I’m trying to conduct a meeting, and I will not be letting a drunken moron interupt my carefully planned work flow.”

Bucky’s jaw snapped shut as the people around him, some friends and some strangers, laughed at the clever lady’s little barb.

“Alright then, as I was saying, I’m here to help. I believe in the Peter Grant method of representation. The you-have-a-venue-you-want-it-filled-I-have-just-the-band-sixty-forty method.” She said, flipping her hair into a simple bun on the top of her head, which Bucky couldn’t find more attractive if he tried, “I have made hotel arrangements for every show, I have made bus arrangements, I have planned for added shows, and delayed dates. I have brought you the best opener I have, the best artists, roadies, security, and technicians I could scrape together, and most importantly, I have given you my time and my trust. I can make your touring life as easy and as simple as humanly possible, or I could ruin it. However, all I want is to get you out there, grinding again, reminding your fans the reason they love you. All you have to do, is let me work, and focus on the music. Can we do that?”

“Doll? I like the way you think.”

“Junior? It’s gonna be a long fucking six months.”

[entertainment]

Entertainment Spotlight: Rena Owen

Rena Owen is an international award-winning actor, and one of only 6 actors in the world to have worked with both George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg during her three decade career. You may recognize her from Freeform’s Siren, but she’s starred in dozens of other films and television shows, including the lead in Once Were Warriors, which was voted the number one film of all time in New Zealand in 2014. Rena took some time out of her packed schedule to answer some of our questions.

Is there a specific moment or event that you consider the highlight of your career up to now?

I’ll never forgot when Once Were Warriors premiered at the Cannes Film Festival in May 1994.  It received rave reviews and was sold to 66 countries. It became a global success and won numerous international awards. I won 6 international best actress awards, and the film made Time Magazine’s Top 10 list of the best films in the world in 1994.  The film’s success opened international doors for me and I went onto to work in different mediums in different countries and I became one of only 6 actors, and the only actress, to have worked with both George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg.  Having said that, I still get more attention today for my work in Once Were Warriors and as an actor, it is a big time blessing to be in a critically acclaimed and unforgettable film that made a difference, changed people’s lives, and is a piece of work that I can forever be proud of.

What do you do to get ready for a scene?

The advantage of ‘maturing’ as an actor is; you’ve learned that you just need to bring your best self to imaginary circumstances.  The best work comes out of relaxation.  You’ve learned to trust the script, your director, your cast mates, and most importantly, yourself, and you’ve learned how to totally be in every moment and to relish every beat!  It’s like playing an instrument and aiming to create your best music. Needless to say, I do my homework; I prepare, I break down my scenes, I learn my lines, etc, but when I hear the word, ‘action’…I let it go and it does itself. I trust my emotional intuition.

What’s the first thing (book, movie, show) that you remember being a fan of?

Once Were Warriors started as a book which I read in 1990. At the end of reading it I remember thinking, whoever wrote this book lived the lifestyle because it was so authentic. I also thought, if this book is ever made into a feature film, the mother is a role to die for! 3 years later I auditioned for Beth Heke and it was a dream come true to be cast in the leading role.

What’s the most memorable thing that’s ever happened to you on set?

I had just came to LA and Steven Spielberg was doing A.I. in Long Beach. My agent rang me and said, “Steven needs an actor, a really good actor, who can be part of this big flesh scene. We can’t tell you what you’re going to be doing, we don’t know what you’re going to be doing, but he’s just finding that, using extras, he’s not getting what he needs.”

My agent said, “The CD (Casting Director) asked if you would consider doing this, going in there, and really you might just be a little featured background artist or whatever.” I said, “I don’t care. It’s Steven Spielberg, of course I will do it.” Listen, I’m going to tell you this and this is a reflection of Steven Spielberg—I go down to Long Beach. I go on set. He comes up to me, he shakes my hand. He says, “I am a huge fan of Once Were Warriors. [Director] Lee Tamahori did a fantastic job.” I was so impressed that he knew Lee’s name and pronounced it well and knew his full name. I mean, I was so impressed by that, because this is a man who I thought wouldn’t know this little film. But it’s why they were interested in me. Then the DOP was looking at me sideways and then he goes, “Oh my God, I knew you were familiar. That’s where I know you from, Once Were Warriors.”  Spielberg nudged him and said to him, “Yeah, she’s doing me a favor.” That’s classic. I’ll never forget it. From Steven’s perspective, I was doing them a favor. The role I ended up doing was being the ticket taker that stops that robotic bear from trying to sneak into the flesh fair.

Is there a subject that you know way too much about?

Mermaids!  When I was first cast in Siren, I did a lot of reading online and was amazed by the enormous mermaid fandom going on around the world. I checked out mermaid conventions, listened to mermaid podcasts, and I read mermaid blogs and scientific resources. I can tell you that some societies actually believe humans are descended from mermaids, but most scientific resources believe that mermaids are entirely fictional. Additionally, there is no hard evidence that mermaids actually exist outside folklore, but reports of mermaid sightings around the world continue, and apparently there are four types of mermaids; traditional mermaids, shape shifting mermaids, human form merfolk, and skin-shedding mermaids.

What’s next for you?

Well, we just started filming Season 3 of Siren, so there is going to be a lot of Helen Hawkins in my immediate future.  Looking further out, I’d love to be able to make ‘Behind the Tattoed Face.’ It’s a sweeping epic that has a very rich world, and is being lovingly referred to as ‘The Black Panther from Down Under.’  Sometimes it takes a long time to get a project made, but that’s the one I’m dying to make.

Thanks for taking the time, Rena! 

Catch Siren on Thursdays at 8pm on Freeform.

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

disney’s ‘the hunchback of notre dame’, early 2000s kid nostalgia, and other midnight musings

“What the fuck, Stina? I thought this was a blog for book reviews!” you say.

“Books, amongst other things. Hence the -ish suffix,” I say. “And all my mediocre ‘reviews’ are hit-or-miss in terms of engagement, so I’m pretty much free to post whatever the fuck I want.”

I toss my head. My hair whacks me in the face.

The first time I watched Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame was been circa 2006, in the ‘movie room’ of my preschool, huddled around a CRT TV with the rest of my five-year-old classmates. Not much about the film particularly stood out to me at the age.

Fast-forward fifteen years later; I’m cooped up in quarantine, hundreds of thousands of miles away from that first viewing. I’m living my best life, rejoicing in my introverted tendencies and having a laugh at the expense of all the suffering extroverts. I haven’t moved from my bed all day, except for the bare necessities, and I’m bingeing YouTube videos. All is well.

I discovered Lindsay Ellis’s channel quite recently- embarrassingly enough, through her videos on Omegaverse and the whole Addison Cain fiasco. I stumbled down the rabbit-hole of her channel, and here I am, a few dozen videos later, and I find her one on this film.

Which, of course, led me to want to re-watch the film, with the eyes and mind (supposedly) of an adult. And it went far beyond and above my expectations.

The film is dark, much darker than the average Disney film of today- not just thematically, but the graphics too. Except for the first parts with the Festival of Fools and the last scene, the rest seems to have a dark filter put over it all. Obviously, given its themes (I’m pulling these out of my arse; I’m a STEM major and I have zero to no knowledge about film) of freedom and equality, acceptance of those different from us, corruption and lust- all that good shit, in other words- you can’t exactly have sunshine and rainbows. But it’s such a stark contrast from what I’ve been accustomed to from Disney; Frozen has Hans about to decapitate Elsa, but the background remains bright and light; Simba sobbing next to Mufasa’s body in The Lion King is heart-wrenching, but a few scenes later, we have an anthropomorphic meerkat-boar duo singing about eating bugs and farting and all that classy stuff, so it’s not as traumatizing.

The themes are a lot more on-the-nose than a lot of other kids’ movies (forgive me if I err, I am aged and forgetful)- cue la Esmeralda saying, “What do they have against people who are different, anyway?”- you get what’s essentially the same ‘accept others regardless of their differences’, ‘prejudice is bad’ morals from, say, Zootopia, but having given the main characters fursuits makes it less obvious than in this movie.

(Or maybe I’m just a dumbass. I have no elaborate notes for this; I’m high on sugar and deprived of sleep so I might be spewing bullshit.)

Admittedly, the resolution is a bit… unrealistic. The citizens of Paris = sheep, essentially; they go from throwing fruit in Quasimodo’s face because the guards started it, to helping defeat them. Maybe there’s something about mob mentality in there, but I find it hard to believe that people who showed up to watch Esmeralda burn to death were suddenly totally cool with not getting what they didn’t pay for. But then again, this is a Disney movie, and you can’t make kids too cynical too early on. Let them have their innocence and ‘people will be with the heroes in times of peril because humanity is inherently good!’ before they realize that humanity kinda fuckin’ sucks.

The characters are some of the most human from those I’ve seen in Disney (other honorable mentions: the main characters of The Emperor’s New Groove, Moana, Tangled, Anna from Frozen). Quasimodo’s the main character (lol DUH, will I ever say anything not obvious?), and he’s so lovable, but not without flaws- he’s biased against gypsies in the beginning because Frollo’s the literal scum of the earth. To borrow from the K-pop fans’ dictionary: UwU he’s so pure!

Esmeralda sparks a bit of controversy because she’s another POC leading lady from a Disney film of the 90’s (a list including Jasmine, and, sigh- Pocahontas) who’s markedly more sexualized than the white Disney princesses. It’s not something I particularly noticed nor cared about until I saw it being brought up- I mean, the woman shows a bit of cleavage and then dances for a couple of seconds- but. I’m just putting that out there.

She’s an empowering heroine without having to belt in in your face (not me making a dig at Naomi Scott’s Jasmine from the Aladdin live action film), and I also love how her role in taking down the Big Bad doesn’t have to do with her ‘power of seduction’ (the scene in the animated Aladdin film where Jasmine kissed Jafar truly traumatized me as a kid).

Phoebus is… well, he exists. Kind of a Regulus Black archetype, but not exactly. The guy on the bad side who turns good and all is forgiven. Well, at least it’s not the ‘her love made him a better man’ trope. And he is a good guy. Even if he did spend a considerable amount of his adult years on the side of the bad guys.

Systemic oppression? Nah, it’s one or two corrupt baddies. But again, it’s a Disney film, we need everything to work out for the good guys in the end.

Let’s get the gargoyles out of the way. To reference Lindsay Ellis’s video (she’s a lot smarter than I am and breaks this down better than I ever could): yes, the comedy’s oft ill-timed and inappropriate… for an adult audience. And the primary demographic of Disney films, especially princess ones (obviously Esmeralda isn’t a princess, nor does she marry into royalty, nor is she included in the group of princesses in the dumpster fire that is Ralph Breaks the Internet, but I had a book imaginatively titled ‘Disney Princess Stories’ as a kid that included Esmeralda’s story alongside Belle’s and Ariel’s, so I’m calling her a princess), are kids. And kids love fart jokes.

Additionally, I have a theory-that-is-not-really-a-theory-but-a-pretty-obvious-thing-that-happens that the gargoyles are figments of Quasimodo’s imagination, and the, at times crass and ridiculous things they say are just the voices in Quasimodo’s head (THIS IS OBVIOUS, STINA, YOU HAVEN’T STUMBLED ACROSS A STARTLING NEW REVELATION); maybe what he imagines normal townspeople to act like.

And then we have Judge Judy Chrissy Teigen Frollo. This dude is the embodiment of pure evil. He’s bigoted and rapey and abusive and one of Disney’s most successful villains- even better than Mother Gothel, who previously held the crown. It’s rare that a villain genuinely terrifies me, especially a cartoon one. Frollo, unlike your typical fairytale antagonist who wants power/fame/fortune/to overthrow Olympus, is far more sinister; driven from deep-rooted hatred instead of plain greed. He’s so much closer to people in positions of power and authority even in the modern world, and that element of reality makes him so much better as an antagonist instead of a literal sheep who hates carnivores (seriously, Disney, enough with the twist villains- they’re not working out).

Also, Hellfire slaps. In fact, the entire soundtrack does.

Speaking about Hellfire, I love the contrast between that and Heaven’s Light; how Esmeralda is viewed by Frollo (an object to possess, “Destroy Esmeralda, and let her taste the fires of hell; or else, let her be mine and mine alone”) as opposed to Quasimodo (someone with free will, “I dare to dream that she might even care for me”).

Another argument brought up, and admittedly one I had as a child was, ‘but if the whole point of the movie is acceptance and love as opposed to lust, why didn’t Quasimodo get the girl?’ Which, years later, I realize is an extremely misogynistic way to look at it. As Princess Jasmine said four years before The Hunchback was released, she is not a prize to be won. Quasimodo is Frollo’s antithesis; he lets Esmeralda choose, and she chose Phoebus. And Quasimodo accepted that, because he is good and kind and sweet and loving. Severus Snape, take note.

On a sidenote, I’m always kind of caught out of left field when the plot in films moves really fast- I’m really not a movie-watching type; I prefer to read, and books usually indicate how much time passes from one main plot point to another, and there are little slice-of-life, filler parts that tie in to character development and moving the plot forward, but at a snail’s pace. So, whenever I’m watching a movie and it’s one important event after another, I usually haven’t had enough of a refractory period to process it.

Let’s pretend that I segued smoothly into the next part of this (already tedious and long drawn out) review.

The Hunchback is the darkest film I’ve ever seen come out from Disney. Re-watching it as an adult made me pause every so often and wonder why the hell I wasn’t traumatized by it as a kid. I mean, the whole movie kicks off with Frollo about to throw an infant down a well. And then there’s that horrifying shot of the stone renditions of the Israelite kings on the church walls. Frollo falls to his death into fire. I mean, good riddance, but still. I guess it’s because the kids’ shows of today are awfully censored and polished so kids don’t have nightmares forevermore.

Update: tried to watch The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2. Exited just as fast as I clicked on it. Disney sequels really ain’t shit (yes, I’m looking at you, Frozen 2).

[independentartistbuzz]

Good News, Good Music 1.0

Here we are at the end of 2020. We don’t need to tell you that this has been a very hard year. We are feeling beaten down by the bad news and music is the one thing that lifted our spirits again and again and saw us through. We have partnered with our friends at Cyber PR Music to bring you a series of GOOD News from artists who carried on making music in spite of all of the insanity that was happening and continues to grip us.  We have cried listening to some of the tracks, felt deeply inspired and yes we laughed as well.  What we have seen is the Cyber PR artist community is rich and varied - there are artists from all across the USA included as well as Jamaica, Australia, South Africa, France, Sweden, The UK,  Germany and Scotland.

So - we bring you part 1 of our 4 part series GOOD NEWS, GOOD MUSIC.

Please Follow the Spotify Playlist below to hear all of these amazing tracks.

Thanks to all of the artists who shared their music AND their good news.

JVMIE & Lionel Cohen | “We Will Rise Again”

Started A Collaboration From A Quarantine Hotel Room and Got Nominated For A Major Award

We had a crazy year but some great things came out of it! I was forced to leave LA and head back to Australia until things ‘calmed down’ but started a remote collaboration with LA based film composer Lionel Cohen - we received a grant from HOTA (Home Of The Arts Gold Coast) to create an album and we were just nominated for a HMMA Hollywood Music In Media Award :) The whole process of collaborating and talking every day was what helped me keep my sanity throughout this crazy year!

Perle Vybz | “Electric Dancefloor”

Almost Lost Her Partner To COVID And Took The Leap Of Faith To Release Music 

My debut single 'Electric Dancefloor' was released on Dec 8th, against the odds. A few months ago , my partner almost lost his life (to COVID). He was hooked up on a ventilator and had a really rough time. At the same time, I lost my main source of income and so, during the pandemic lockdown I had more time on my hands to focus on my music. So I'm glad that in spite of what was happening around me I was able to take that leap of faith and get my music out there.

Arielle Silver | “What Really Matters”

Became Music Connection's Hot 100 Live Unsigned Artists and Bands and Top Prospects 2020 lists in their year-end issue

As COVID shut everything down in April, I leaned into my commitment to authentic connection and inspiring creative expression with the creation of two weekly livestreams: Tomes & Tunes, a weekly show where I interview songwriters about books, and Arielle's Acoustic Happy Hour, both of which are going strong. In June, I released a new album, A THOUSAND TINY TORCHES, along with two official music videos (one shot entirely during quarantine), which have been featured in American Songwriter, Music Connection, and more.And in September, in the wake of closing studios, my sweetheart and I launched a new online yoga studio, Bhavana Flow Yoga, with online classes, workshops, and retail. 

Alongside my own sorrow at the pandemic, I have been living a year of creative expansion, and was recently featured in Music Connection's year-end issue on both their Hot 100 Live Unsigned Artists and Bands and Top Prospects 2020 lists.

Hannah Judson | “Deep Sea Diver”

Launched The Backwards Record Release Concept  And It Worked!

The 2020 lockdown was an exploration of new ways of doing and connecting. Everything became an experiment as new processes were developed to replace the no longer actionable old ones. I launched the Backwards Record Release for "Stingray," a rock/folk collection of songs. The 8 week campaign started with a socially distanced concert in a chateau courtyard, was fueled by my new podcast the Hannah Judson Beat, conversations with women in music, and concluded with a capstone edition of MUSEfest Online, a music festival I normally produce in major cities that promotes women in music, film, art and culture. I stayed connected with colleagues and fans, envisioned future projects, and maintained momentum and enthusiasm for creative projects, present and future. 

Evan Mazunik | “Comfort and Joy”

Funded, Recorded & Released A New Holiday Album

I’m grateful that I was able to successfully fund, record, release, and sell my new holiday album this year.

Eli Lev | “Anywhere We Can Go”

Released A Touching Global Fan Driven Music Video 

I had a powerful experience this year when my music community from all across the world helped me create the music video for 'Anywhere We Can Go.' I was in happy tears editing it and seeing all these wonderful faces come together and make something truly special. Here it is and I hope it brings some joy to folks.

Jeff Oster | “Five Great Mountains”

Found Solace (And Music) In Mother Nature

I was lucky to spend three months in the fall of 2020 up in Vermont. In the midst of all of the turmoil, Mother Nature just kept on shining. I was able to create this video on my iPhone, in an attempt to capture her beauty.

Beca Dreams | “Calm Before the Storm”

Had A Creative Burst That Resulted In Ad Campaigns & New Singles

It’s been a very challenging year, and yet I’ve somehow managed to have some awesome wins I am super grateful for. 

Partnered with Bounty to write/perform Quicker Picker Upper, currently streaming on all major platforms and has gotten over 7M views on Tik Tok and 150K streams on Spotify so far. Composed/performed song for an ad campaign for fashion designer Asher Levine on launching his new groundbreaking LED outerwear line (who’s recently worked with Doja Cat, Lil Nas, Lady Gaga). I also released 2 singles “Calm Before The Storm” and “Taking Time For Myself” and  most recently was featured on “Dance Party In The Living Room” by UK producer Fritz von Runte, about making the most of the quarantine.

I feel so lucky to be making music and doing what I love, which has been a huge silver lining during these dark times.

AfriCali | “The Struggle”

Turned An Eviction Into A Special Retreat & Healing Place 

Our landlord lost her pilates practice and couldn’t afford her Oakland home so

Our family of four with a baby due any month now had to figure it out and find the humanity in moving out before the lease was up. In the magic of mother earth and without knowing we were blessed with a beautiful place to be away and seven thousand feet above the mountains where we could have this beautiful bundle of joy. Which would turn into a special retreat healing place after our departure this past October.

Akira AK | “Pearl”

Completed His New Release Remotely Over Zoom

My "good news, good music" story is simply how I was able to release 2 major projects this year despite everything that is going on: putting out my second EP and my first music video.  The EP in particular had been in the works for 3 years and was SO CLOSE to being done when everything started to shut down, so with the work of my engineer, we set up remote sessions via zoom that helped put the last song over the line and get the release out there! From there I was able to promote it with it's adjacent merch.

As far as my first music video is concerned; I was able to safely show up in person in NYC and film it with the help of a great videographer. The conceptualizing of the video is very special and I think speaks to the experiences some of us have had about going to that special place inside your head where you feel most powerful/comfortable/fierce to deal with whatever is going on externally. The promo for the video was also a success in terms of being able to schedule it on time and put it out there to hype the video itself. And once it was out it was really (unexpectedly) well received!

Those are just my personal success stories and I'm excited to see others' as well!

Monsterboy | “Ain’t Worth the Dime”

Played 60 Livestreams That Reached 7,000 Households

When my husband and I found ourselves without gigs and our small business closed, we decided to go live with our music and stay in touch with our fans. We cobbled together equipment from our home studio and gigging rig, going live in that first week. We really didn't know what to expect. The messages we got from people were so heartwarming, we built a little community for them night after night, reconnecting with existing fans and finding new.  In total, we did over 60 live streams during the shutdown and reached over 7k households on some streams. Entertaining and interacting with people was our way to do our part for our community. A podcast found us via the streams and started hiring us to produce music for their shows from it.

Artist: Crotona P., Producer: Pablo Brownbeats | “Silk”

Forged An International Collaboration South Africa and the USA via A Chance Facebook Meeting

I'm Pablo Brownbeats, a producer  who has been producing  since my youth and creating music for the last 12 years. I just released my new Ep with Crotona P from Rochester New York featuring Street Da Villain, Dj Shawn Touch, KING Flamez all from Rochester New York and SOLO MAJITA from Free State South Africa. The African Ep is available on digital stores and Bandcamp.  I enjoyed making this project and it will be an honor to share the leading single Titled Silk.

This project was recorded during the  early days of Covid19. Me and Crotona met over Facebook and exchanged some few words and he agreed to do the single (silk) then African EP was born.

Scott Whitfield | “A Bi-Coastal Christmas, Vol. 1, by Scott Whitfield & Friends”

Released A Christmas Album That Features Artists Who Have Passed That Started Recording in 2004.

Despite the challenges, I was able to release a Christmas album on Bandcamp!  It's available as a digital download OR a physical CD.  This is the culmination of MANY years of work (some tracks date back to 2004, and, sadly, a few of the artists who played on them are no longer with us).

John Maksym | “Drinkin’ & Thinkin’”

Worked With 22 Collaborators Spanning 7 Countries and 16 Cities

I kicked off this year as a solo recording artist for the first time in my life and had an ambitious goal of releasing music every 5 weeks. When the pandemic struck, I had just started recording my 4th single in the studio and everything got shut down. Within a couple of weeks I was able to pivot and invest money into building my own little home studio, to continue to create. With every musician in the world stuck at home, I was able to connect with a dream team of collaborators who helped me finish the song that I had started and go on to record 8 more songs through remote session recording from their own home studios. All in all I worked with 22 collaborators, spanning 7 countries and 16 cities, which I would never have thought of doing had the world not been in lockdown. It also allowed me time to revise my original release plan and build a more robust plan to release a number of singles and eventually an album throughout 2021.

Stay tuned ...There’s more Good News Coming!

[acoolchickouthere13]

November 2019 Taylor hosts friendsgiving

November 24, 2019 Artists of the Decade AMAs

“In 2020, Swift will embark on Lover Fest, a run of stadium dates that will feature a hand-picked lineup of artists (as yet unannounced) and allow Swift more time off from the road. ‘This is a year where I have to be there for my family -- there’s a lot of question marks throughout the next year, so I wanted to make sure that I could go home,’ says Swift, likely referencing her mother’s cancer diagnosis. ...New artists and producers and writers need work, and they need to be likable and get booked in sessions, and they can’t make noise -- but if I can, then I’m going to,” promises Swift. This is where being impossibly famous can be a very good thing. “I know that it seems like I’m very loud about this,’ she says, ‘but it’s because someone has to be.’...I’ve spent a lot of time recalibrating my life to make it feel manageable. Because there were some years there where I felt like I didn’t quite know what exactly to give people and what to hold back, what to share and what to protect. I think a lot of people go through that, especially in the last decade. I broke through pre-social media, and then there was this phase where social media felt fun and casual and quirky and safe. And then it got to the point where everyone has to evaluate their relationship with social media. So I decided that the best thing I have to offer people is my music. I’m not really here to influence their fashion or their social lives. That has bled through into the live part of what I do….I get so many phone calls from new artists out of the blue -- like, “Hey, I’m getting my first wave of bad press, I’m freaking out, can I talk to you?” And the answer is always yes! I’m talking about more than 20 people who have randomly reached out to me. I take it as a compliment because it means that they see what has happened over the course of my career, over and over again….From a creative standpoint, I’ve been writing alone a lot more. I’m good with being alone, with thinking alone. When I come up with a marketing idea for the Lover tour, the album launch, the merch, I’ll go right to my management company that I’ve put together. I think a team is the best way to be managed. Just from my experience, I don’t think that this overarching, one-person-handles-my-career thing was ever going to work for me. Because that person ends up kind of being me who comes up with most of the ideas, and then I have an amazing team that facilitates those ideas.

The behind-the-scenes work is different for every phase of my career that I’m in. Putting together the festival shows that we’re doing for Lover is completely different than putting together the Reputation Stadium Tour. Putting together the reputation launch was so different than putting together the 1989 launch. So we really do attack things case by case, where the creative first informs everything else. ...I do think about [starting a label or signing other artists] every once in a while, but if I was going to do it, I would need to do it with all of my energy. I know how important that is, when you’ve got someone else’s career in your hands, and I know how it feels when someone isn’t generous….Thankfully, there’s power in writing your music. Every week, we get a dozen synch requests to use “Shake It Off” in some advertisement or “Blank Space” in some movie trailer, and we say no to every single one of them. And the reason I’m rerecording my music next year is because I do want my music to live on. I do want it to be in movies, I do want it to be in commercials. But I only want that if I own it. [i dont know how long the recording process will take, but] it’s going to be fun, because it’ll feel like regaining a freedom and taking back what’s mine. When I created [these songs], I didn’t know what they would grow up to be. Going back in and knowing that it meant something to people is actually a really beautiful way to celebrate what the fans have done for my music.”(x)

Christmas Tree Farm Dec. 1, 2019(p: Jimmy Napes) here

“Icy and blue”

Dec. 4, 2019

Dec. 4, 2019 karlie sells her west village apt. here...meanwhile reports say Taylor “spends a lot of time in London with Joe and doesn’t go out much” and it’s hilarious

I don’t know when The Man was shot yet, but I just put it here

Dec. 13, 2019=30 years old, Billboard Woman of the Decade here

Dec. 16, 2019 jack tweets “hi from the studio”...Taylor goes to Cats premiere in London with Joe

Dec. 18, 2019

(Wears the same shirt March 4, 2019)

Reports say Taylor was in London with Joe the week of Christmas, and family flew in from Nashville BUT WHAT I FIND INTERESTING IS JACK’s TWEET THE NEXT DAY SEEMS CRYPTIC GIVEN THIS CONTEXT WETHER ITS TRUE OR NOT lol

December 27, 2019 jack tweets “ok. back to the studio now. goodmorning to my upstairs neighbors!”

January 1, 2020 Taylor goes to concert in Maldives with Joe

January 5, 2020

“Her experience with the trial was crucial, she says, in finding herself “needing to speak up about beliefs I’d always had, because it felt like an opportunity to shed light on what those trials are like. I experienced it as a person with extreme privilege, so I can only imagine what it’s like when you don’t have that. And I think one theme that ended up emerging in the film is what happens when you are not just a people pleaser but someone who’s always been respectful of authority figures, doing what you were supposed to do, being polite at all costs. I still think it’s important to be polite, but not at all costs,” she says. “Not when you’re being pushed beyond your limits, and not when people are walking all over you. I needed to get to a point where I was ready, able and willing to call out bulls— rather than just smiling my way through it.”...[Regarding the speech at the Woman of the Decade BBA]: “Well, I do sleep well at night knowing that I’m right,” she responds, “and knowing that in 10 years it will have been a good thing that I spoke about artists’ rights to their art, and that we bring up conversations like: Should record deals maybe be for a shorter term, or how are we really helping artists if we’re not giving them the first right of refusal to purchase their work if they want to?” “Obviously, anytime you’re standing up against or for anything, you’re never going to receive unanimous praise. But that’s what forces you to be brave. And that’s what’s different about the way I live my life now.” (Braun’s camp could not be reached for comment.)...Whereas typically she’d spend nine months in the year after an album release on the road, she plans to limit herself to four stadium dates in America this summer and a trip around the festival circuit in Europe. This may not be 100% for personal reasons: “I wanted to be able to perform in places that I hadn’t performed in as much, and to do things I hadn’t done before, like Glastonbury,” she says. “I feel like I haven’t done festivals, really, since early in my career — they’re fun and bring people together in a really cool way. But I also wanted to be able to work as much as I can handle right now, with everything that’s going on at home. And I wanted to figure out a way that I could do both those things.”

Is being able to be there for her mother the main concern? “Yeah, that’s it. That’s the reason,” she says. “I mean, we don’t know what is going to happen. We don’t know what treatment we’re going to choose. It just was the decision to make at the time, for right now, for what’s going on. Everyone loves their mom; everyone’s got an important mom,” she allows. “But for me, she’s really the guiding force. Almost every decision I make, I talk to her about it first. So obviously it was a really big deal to ever speak about her illness.” During filming, when Andrea’s cancer had returned for a second time, “she was going through chemo, and that’s a hard enough thing for a person to go through.” Then it got harder. Speaking about this latest development publicly for the first time, Swift quietly reveals: “While she was going through treatment, they found a brain tumor. And the symptoms of what a person goes through when they have a brain tumor is nothing like what we’ve ever been through with her cancer before. So it’s just been a really hard time for us as a family….I chose Netflix because it’s a very vast, accessible medium to people who are just like, ‘Hey, what’s this? I’m bored.’ I love that, because I do so many things that cater specifically to fans that like my music, I think it’s important to put yourself out there to people who don’t care at all about you.”...I don’t think I’ve ever written this much. That’s exhibited in ‘Lover’ having the most songs that I’ve ever had on an album” (18, to be exact). “But even after I made the album, I kept writing and going in the studio. That’s a new thing I’ve experienced this time around. That openness kind of feels like you finally got the lid off a jar you’ve been working at for years. ...you become a brand. That’s inevitable for me, but I do think that it’s really necessary to feel like I can still communicate with people. And as a songwriter, it’s really important to still feel human and process things in a human way. The through line of all that is humanity, and reaching out and talking to people and having them see things that aren’t cute. There’s a lot that’s not cute in this documentary.”(x)

January 5, 2020 Taylor goes to Golden Globes with Joe

January 27, 2020

February 6, 2020-LA

February 12, 2020 Taylor goes to NME awards in London with Joe

February 23, 2020 Joe’s birthday-double date in London at restaurant

February 24-28, 2020

March 3, 2020

[citizenscreen]

When you find out Turner Classic Movies (TCM) is spotlighting la grand dame of movies as their Star of the Month in November, you know you have a lot to be thankful for. Few actors can help you take your mind off your troubles more effortlessly than Bette Davis and few could be as bitchy doing it. Bette Davis was a gem. I invite you let me know what your favorite Bette Davis movies are as you watch them on TCM. I’m @CitizenScreen on Twitter, Citizen Screen on Facebook, or simply leave a comment down below.

The TCM Bette Davis month-long festival begins on Tuesday, November 5 with films starring Davis from the 1930s. Each week features a different time period of her career through the 1960s. I’m particularly excited about the Davis films I’ve yet to see like William Dieterle’s Fog Over Frisco (1934) and Bretaigne Windust’s June Bride (1948), but the month is replete with Davis standards everyone must see. To me this is a perfect opportunity to turn people into classics fans. Bette Davis has the kind of presence that makes it impossible to ever forget her.

“That’s me: an old kazoo with some sparklers”

I should mention that William Wyler’s The Letter, one of my favorite Bette Davis films will not air as part of the November festival. It will be featured on TCM in December instead. During this festival, however, you will be treated to such enduring classics as Jezebel, Dark Victory, All About Eve and cult favorites like What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? in addition to many less known features plus a few surprises. As you plan for family gatherings, include a Bette Davis movie or two or three. They’ll bring you closer together.

in ALL ABOUT EVE

in JEZEBEL

in MARKED WOMAN

in DARK VICTORY

in DEAD RINGER

in OF HUMAN BONDAGE

  There are a few other interesting festivals on TCM in November: Wednesdays will feature movies celebrating the 100th anniversary of the American Society of Cinematographers, Dennis Miller and Friends offers an eclectic array of films from various eras, and daily spotlights include the films of the great John Ford, to name a few happenings. It will be a busy month for movie fans. Have fun.

Quotable Davis:

Bette Davis remains one of the most quotable Hollywood figures in history. At least by my estimation and with good reason as you’ll see. I can’t resist her and offer some of my favorite Davis quotes about life, the film industry, Hollywood players, acting and Bette Davis. This should hold you over from Tuesday to Tuesday during her Star of the Month tribute.

I’d marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he’d be dead within a year.

Old age is no place for sissies.

Everybody has a heart. Except some people.

I was a person who couldn’t make divorce work. For me, there’s nothing lonelier than a turned-down toilet seat

I’m the nicest goddamn dame that ever lived.

With the newspaper strike on, I wouldn’t consider dying.

I am just too much.

From the moment I was six I felt sexy. And let me tell you it was hell, sheer hell, waiting to do something about it.

[referring to her parents’ divorce when she was 7] Of course I replaced my father. I became my own father and everyone else’s.

[on Greta Garbo] Oh, Garbo was divine. Soooo beautiful. I worshipped her. When I became a star, I used to have my chauffeur follow her in my car. I always wanted to meet her.

Acting should be bigger than life. Scripts should be bigger than life. It should all be bigger than life.

I never did pal around with actresses. Their talk usually bored me to tears.

There was more good acting at Hollywood parties than ever appeared on the screen.

Hollywood always wanted me to be pretty, but I fought for realism.

In this business, until you’re known as a monster you’re not a star.

Today everyone is a star – they’re all billed as ‘starring’ or ‘also starring’. In my day, we earned that recognition.

[about Katharine Hepburn‘s tie for the 1968 Oscar with Barbra Streisand] I wanted to be the first to win three Oscars, but Miss Hepburn has done it. Actually it hasn’t been done. Miss Hepburn only won half an Oscar. If they’d given me half an Oscar I would have thrown it back in their faces. You see, I’m an Aries. I never lose.

My favorite person to work with was Claude Rains.

[on John Wayne] I certainly would have given anything to have worked with John Wayne. He’s the most attractive man who ever walked the earth, I think.

[on Errol Flynn] He was just beautiful . . . Errol. He himself openly said, “I don’t know really anything about acting,” and I admire his honesty because he’s absolutely right.

Davis’ most memorable quotes pertained to Joan Crawford with whom she shared a legendary rivalry.

[on working with Joan Crawford in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)] We were polite to each other – all the social amenities, ‘Good morning, Joan’ and ‘Good Morning, Bette’ crap – and thank God we weren’t playing roles where we had to like each other. But people forget that our big scenes were alone – just the camera was on me or her. No actresses on earth are as different as we are, all the way down the line. Yet what we do works. It’s so strange, this acting business. It comes from inside. She was always so damn proper. She sent thank you notes for thank you notes. I screamed when I found out she signed autographs: ‘Bless you, Joan Crawford.’

[After hearing that Joan Crawford cried copiously over “Dark Victory”] Joan always cries a lot. Her tear ducts must be very close to her bladder.

[Of her longtime rival] We must hand it to her. Where she came from and all that–she accomplished *much*. She became a movie star, and I became the great actress. There is of course a need for both in this business, but you have to know *when* to put a stop to the nonsense that goes with the job. Stars are people *too*. They have to eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom too, without applause or a standing ovation. But I don’t *think* Joan Crawford ever sleeps. She never *quits* being Joan Crawford. I find that tedious and quite insane.

I was not Miss Crawford’s biggest fan, but, wisecracks to the contrary, I did and still do respect her talent. What she did not deserve was that detestable book written by her daughter. I’ve forgotten her name. Horrible. I looked at that book, but I did not need to read it. I wouldn’t read trash like that, and I think it was a terrible, terrible thing for a daughter to do. An abomination! To do something like that to someone who saved you from the orphanage, foster homes, who knows what. If she didn’t like the person who chose to be her mother, she was grown up and could choose her own life. I felt very sorry for Joan Crawford, but I knew she wouldn’t appreciate my pity, because that’s the last thing she would have wanted, anyone being sorry for her, especially me.

[when told by director Robert Aldrich that the studios wanted Joan Crawford as her co-star for Hush…Hush, Sweet Charlotte (1964)] I wouldn’t piss on Joan Crawford if she were on fire.

[on Joan] She has slept with every male star at MGM except Lassie.

Why am I so good at playing bitches? I think it’s because I’m not a bitch. Maybe that’s why [Joan Crawford] always plays ladies.

[on the death Joan] You should never say bad things about the dead, you should only say good . . . Joan Crawford is dead. Good.

[Joan Crawford] and I have never been warm friends. We are not simpatico. I admire her, and yet I feel uncomfortable with her. To me, she is the personification of the Movie Star. I have always felt her greatest performance is Crawford being Crawford.

The best time I ever had with Joan Crawford was when I pushed her down the stairs in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

“I have been uncompromising, peppery, intractable, monomaniacal, tactless, volatile, and oftentimes disagreeable. I suppose I am larger than life.”

  Bette Davis Spotlighted on TCM in November When you find out Turner Classic Movies (TCM) is spotlighting la grand dame of movies as their Star of the Month in November, you know you have a lot to be thankful for.

[kierongillen]

Writer Notes: The Wicked + the Divine 40

Spoilers, obv.

The first issue of "Okay." I've known for quite some time that it was likely the final arc would use the word "Okay" in some way. The unpacking phrase "It's going to be okay" has been a backbone of the series. Due to the first year on the book, that's been a loaded phrase, all the way through.

But when signing a first volume of the book, I've added the dedication "It's going to be okay." There's lots to unpack in that, and I suspect I'll wait until later in this arc to say any more. But knowing that eventually we'd like have an arc called "Okay" was definitely part of doing it.

The quotation marks are key. It's a move I've done a few times in my career, in terms of showing it's a story that wants to highlight something, and raise awareness that the word should be approached with conscious consideration. This is a choice. I want you to know it's a choice. Let's talk about what that actually means anyway, right?

It's a technique I first lifted from Bowie's "Heroes". Which, of course, is doubly appropriate to use it at the end of WicDiv.

We knew they'd be a gap between the end of Mothering Invention and the start of this. The remaining five issues of the arc were tightly plotted, but in the document, this is the one which I left a lot open. I knew what I wanted to be, and it was a chance of finding an execution to make it work. It was a last chance to do a big concept issue.

(Which isn't to say there isn't conceptual stuff elsewhere in the arc. There just isn't a whole issue of it.)

This is something that I've been trying to do since issue 6. As in, a purely fan-centric issue of mainly talking heads. Every time, it's had to be cut for space. The talking heads shots of realistic footage, showing a lot of fans views on the matter. You get ghosts of it – any time Beth turns up, you get some, basically, but all of those moments could have been issues in another version of WicDiv.

(The one we won't be doing is the whole issue of literal talking heads. As in, Tara, Lucifer and Inanna just telling stories. That's fun, but we just don't have the time, and when I realised I had to stop them talking, it was definitely out. Oh, Minerva. You spoil everything.)

Equally, WicDiv's a book with two poles – the modern fan pop cultural part and the mythological grandeur. We swing one way or another, and it's easy for the latter to mug the former. I suspect that's because that's the easier stuff. Especially as Laura has gone down her hole, she's been incapable of seeing the good parts of fandom. An issue of that before the end, seemed necessary.

(Equally, with where it goes. Like, we start with Laura as a fan, and end with her on stage, saving people. The Bowie Saved More People Than Batman of WicDiv. It's a book about cycles, and ever more so here.)

So! The other side is this apocalyptic final scheme, and give a perspective on that – the necessary plot. Equally, keeping Laura off stage as long as possible.

So we end up with this.

I knew wanting to pick up and run with minor characters in WicDiv was something I wanted to do, and merging it with a disaster rapidly led to something else – this is clearly an inverted Watchmen 11. There, they gather the supporting cast together in the b-plot and then with a I-did-it-35-minutes-ago kill them all. We flip that. We imply everyone we're watching is dead, reintroduce the whole cast and then have Laura save them.

Suffice to say, formally, this was tricky.

Jamie and Matt's cover:

Meet Tom. We surveyed the whole supporting cast and picked someone who was present enough in a scene to be likely to be remembered but minor enough to be a surprise. In the end, there were less options... and the kid who asks Persephone about what to call her obviously has some strong thematic elements. She told him something. What did he make of it? It also gave a supporting cast of friends.

It's fun doing a cover like this and people going "who the hell is he?"

I wish he wasn't white and male – if I realised I was definitely going to use him in issue 24, I'd have likely have suggested otherwise. But, on the other hand, there is a point that white male guys should have heroes who aren't white male guys. So maybe I'm okay with it. Comics!

Claire Roe's Cover Well, this is monstrous. You do get the image of Minerva, like she's in Home Alone, trying to smuggle skulls. Just some great images here.

Ray Fawkes' Cover

For the Heroes Inititative Charity. The theme was "Giving" which immediately jumped to a "Lucifer giving an apple." Giving is very loaded for us. Ray is amazing – he's been an incredible support throughout all of WicDiv, and we love him. Go buy his books. My favourite is THE PEOPLE INSIDE, but for something more genre, the UNDERWINTER books are fascinating, horror. UNDERWINTER: SYMPHONY is the adult gothic sister of Wicdiv, if you squint.

IFC

Flipping "Ascended Fangirl" into "Descended God" was sitting in the script for this issue before anything else.

Page 3

Black page with white text is something that's come to the fore in the last year of WicDiv. In here, the exact word choice was key. While this feels like a documentary in terms of how it arranges information, the text doesn't tell you that. It tells you it's just footage. This means that it's not necessarily an in-world document.

Page 4-5

Working out the exact panel dimensions was a nightmare, and led to a couple of rewrites to move some pages from eight panel to a more accurate six panel. You can also see Jamie start to wrestle with the unique horror of drawing stuff that is slightly distorted, choosing angles which are less traditionally interesting and so on.

Unboxing videos are a fascinating phenomena. It's fun to see culture happen which I fundamentally don't get on an emotional level. That's what culture should throwing up.

The details on the ticket do make me smile, in an awful way.

Yes, the "change the orientation" panel is clearly us showing off. This is the sort of issue I did a lot of doodles for. It also led to a bunch of lettering challenges for Clayton, in working out whether to put balloon tails off-camera to signify the other speaker. In the end, Clayton talked us into the other approach, noting it worked fine in Mister Miracle. Hey, if Tom King does it, I guess it's fine with us.

It's worth noting the way the off-panel speaker is orientated, to ensure you know who they are. See the "Tom" in the dialogue in the second panel, to ensure you know it's Nathan.

"The front row if it kills us" is very us. This issue is a mix of awful tension and strokes of equally awful gallows humour. His smile is also adorable.

Page 6

Sometimes the most beautiful thing in the world is a page of exposition via the medium of power-point. We're all big fans of the 1960s kirby superhero maps, and this is kind of the same thing.

Page 7

This is also a masterclass in a "Naturalism is hard" sort of page layout. The choice of the greys by Matt is really nice too.

Page 8

And back with Tom and friends. Worth noting the planning on this issue – I had this list of scenes, and tried to work how much I can cut between them to create a rhythm, which obviously accelerates the further we go in.

"Shitting them whole"? Nathan is totally right. Tom, you re NASTY.

Trying to get a subplot which fit in the space for them is key. Like, friends navigating a space. That Tom and Nathan are both far from perfect in this is also important. I just realised this is totally an alt-dimension Kohl and Kid-with-knife scene.

Page 9

The greatest tragedy of WicDiv is we never got around to doing the WicDiv calendar with all the dates on. Will we get around to it for Christmas 2019? IT COULD BE POSSIBLE.

The problem in terms of story here is getting the multiple lies – Woden doesn't know what Baal has had him to do, and Baal doesn't know what Minerva is making him do. So trying to set that information up so is clear, while also in a naturalistic fashion is a trick.

We were having LOC CAPs on some of this footage, but decided to cut them all. Only some of them had it, and having it on them all would create a mess. This is the one I regret though – there's one tiny bit of information I'd like to have got in here. C'est la vie.

The colour banding on this is fascinating – the late night recording. Also, Jamie's burn on the calendar is golden.

Page 10

This was another one where the lines were worked hard. What happens BEFORE the image, what happens AFTER the image and all that.

Anyway, some good thinking here Tom.

The chat between the two, in terms of fans-beliefs and minor pieces, and hot takes and their own beliefs. Also re-introducing certain takes.

Page 11

This page is hard. The silent third panel is amazing – what Jamie does with the panning between the two. The caption would have revealed who's filming it – the Sister – but that isn't essential information.

"You soppy twat" is something I'm oddly pleased with getting in. It's a very naturalistic issue, and the tenderness is very real.

There has been a tendency for people to take Baal's fight against the Great Darkness solely to save his family, and understandable why. This scene and what follows shows that no, it's not just that. He actually believes he's saving the world, because if he didn't, he certainly wouldn't fucking do this.

Page 12

And Minerva reveals her side of all this. The little callback to 1373 does make me smile.

The stylistic nature of this is key – Jamie doing the fish-eye, Matt working the blues, giving that night vision creepiness.

Page 13-14

This issue was definitely me trying to look for ways for Jamie to not just draw a million crowd-scenes. The first two is definitely me lampshading it.

In passing, this two pages is basically all of Young Avengers in sixteen panels.

The last panel is a thing of love, and definitely inspired by a Glastonbury festival, circa 1998. I'm there alone, as it was one of the infamous wet years, waiting for Nick Cave to come on the main stage. A highly high and/or drunk guy stops beside me, after pushing through the crowd. He's clearly very excited, to the level where a group of younger women start to join in and/or mock him. He is very entertaining.

Nick Cave comes on stage, doing a half-speed From Her To Eternity.

"From her."

"To."

Eternity."

Murmurs Nick.

Our new friend hasn't actually noticed and howls at the top of his lungs...

"FROM HHHHEERRRRR TOOooOOOOOOooOOOOOOoo ETERRNNITYYYY!"

...at at least twice the speed of Nick.

At which point, he's decides he wants to be further front. Turning to the people around him, he suggests we all go forward. "Yeah?" "Yeah!" the girls scream, and immediately they all form a conga and start pushing through the crowd, with him chanting "NICK CAVE ARMY COMING THRUUUUUU!"

I join in, as clearly I want to follow this journey. It leads us to the front, where I believe I stay for the rest of the night?

On the way to the front I step on the shoe of a guy who, a year or two later, invites me to storm the stage on a Saturday morning TV show. I turn it down, and then he only goes and does it anyway.

Pop music!

Anyway, that panel is for that guy, wherever he is.

Page 15

Okay, I can't hold off crowd scenes forever. Sorry Jamie, but not too sorry, as this looks amazing. Matt pushing the controls completely into the red, with the distortions going on. This is everything. It's also the panel where the conceit of watching television is lowest – the panel shape is wrong, and it's unlikely a camera would be on Baal's mum on the top of the pillar... but they are deniably so, I suspect.

I look at this page and smile. This is some comics. Nice work, us.

Page 16-17-18-19

And we're off. This is... oh, god. There were diagrams for this, in terms of working out panel flow. There's multiple routes through the two pages, which cascade together. The backbone is the "Baal" story arc, across the diagonal on both spreads.

The second panel reads across both pages – notice the orange band leading you to the right – where a talking head explains what's actually going on at the gig, and why everyone is being immersed.

When you finish this row, you get the presenter giving the context for the remaining talking heads. On the first spread, you get a talking head talking answering the question... and then placing them in the crowd. When that ideas's been set up, in the second spread we have multiple talking heads answering it, which all gather around a single group shot showing them all by each other, unknowing. And then there's Tom, and his friends, mixed in, with Tom's own answer stumbling towards his own truth, and his friends together, joined in this.

I'm getting excited here, clearly, but this is some engineered machine monstrosity, and I love how it collaborates with the reader.

This made it a nightmare for the guided view on Comixology. We contacted them in advance, offering to help a little. In the end, I wrote my suggested route, and they went with it. Moving from a non-linear sequence to a linear sequence clearly changes it somewhat, but I think it keeps a lot of the percussion. So don't blame them, blame me.

Oh – I had a list of people to possibly include in this sequence, and selected from them. There's been some impressive attempts by readers to ID everyone. Clearly, I tried to signal who they were in their dialogue a little. My personal hero is the guy from issue 19 who saw Dionysus before Baph nabbed him. You're a fucking legend too, mate.

Tweaks we did was realising it was three hetero-reading couples on the first page, which was heteronormative. We changed that to avoid it. And, yes, that's Jon's mum.

The one I wished I could get in, but lost, was the guy standing to the right of Laura in Issue one, who jizzed to Amaterasu. His line would have been something like "I hope I enjoy this one as much as that time with Amaterasu!"

This is an awful book, in many ways.

20-21

And just let the awful moment linger. Do it naturally and show it. All that rush and then this. Once more, Matt Wilson for Eisners. The hyperbright is one thing, but the flicker on the aftermath another. And the hint of the giant in there is also carefully worked – it's something we needed there, but also was a small part of it. What was important just imagining all those people dying.

22

Inevitable Total Eclipse Of The Heart reference, the go-to song for ending WicDiv dance parties.

23-24

And then, after all that, we get this moment, building towards that final image of Laura.

Honestly, this got to me when Jamie first sent it to me in a burst into tears way. You've come a long way.

I also like the idea that Laura, before heading out, looked through all her stuff and decided "Yes, Hoop ear-rings are the look for saving 20,000 people."

Next issue is out on Wednesday.

Thanks for reading.

[crimsonblackrose]

2019 is over and seeing 2020 on my calendar is strange. I had planned to go to bed early and get a lot of things done today, but instead I’ve found myself just wanting to spend my day resting.

My mindset this year was, it’s my last year in Korea so if there’s something I want to do, do it.

January

In January I was teaching my final camp (a cooking camp) for my country school and saying goodbye to friends who were going home.

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February

In February I was desperate to make up for 2018. I wanted to go back to the states and try to have a time that didn’t…emotionally scar me and the results were…better? I got to spend my 27th birthday with my family. I got to play with my baby cousins and eat delicious cake (I’ve missed American cake) and I got to visit LA for the first time and see friends and it was both too short and at times too long. My phone, which I dropped at Monkey Mountain during the previous summer in Japan, also finally died from water damage. And I awkwardly ran into Target to get a prepaid phone to survive on for the rest of my trip and when they asked if I wanted insurance I laughed and said “No, I’m leaving the country.” And then belatedly realized how creepy that sounded, like I was on the run and I’ve never sped walked out of a Target so fast and so embarrassed, which I’m sure didn’t help.

Before I moved out of Gapyeong I  also made sure I did everything I wanted, which meant taking myself to see le Petite France before I moved. And I did and then I moved to Gunpo. A friend helped me find someone to help me move which was essentially a guy with a truck.  It was a long journey with lots of traffic and I was worried about being late to meet my new coteacher, but it turned out it was all fine because my room wasn’t ready yet. My driver even fell asleep while we stopped at rest stop so I could use the bathroom. One of the reasons I’m always glad I always have a book with me. It was not a fun move, I forgot my coat in the back of his truck since he took it from me and threw it in the backseat when I got in, and I was so stressed with getting everything out of the truck and into the hallway that it slipped my mind. I had to pay him to come and bring my coat back to me. And then I spent several hours sitting in the hallway waiting for my room to be ready.

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March

This brought on the spring of flowers. I’ve never spent so much of my spring immersed in flowers and I kind of loved it. I started my March off with adjusting to my new town and my new job. I got to meet other teachers in the area, I enjoyed life in a city which was insanely lovely in comparison to my old tiny town and the going away gifts my coworkers had given me from homemade candles to Gong Cha free drink coupons. I even met up with new friends I’d made. The adjustment to my new job was rough, there was so much to learn and there were so many more students and classes and coworkers than I had ever had in my 4 years at my old school.

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April

April found me on a bus to Jinhae to follow the Cherry Blossoms and back to Gunpo to enjoy the Royal Azalea festival. It also had maybe one of my busiest days, which was Nathalie’s birthday and Mika’s wedding party.  I also stayed at a jimjilbang for the first time.

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May

In May I was in Singapore surrounded by Orchids and heat, humidity, and rain. I also went to Goyang for one of the most beautiful and intense flower festivals I’ve ever seen. It was also when we threw my friend Esme her Alice in Wonderland themed tea party bridal party and when I went to a lot of festivals and took the start of my tea classes with Kew and Leaves.

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June

June brought Esme’s wedding and it was fun to help out and be part of the behind the scenes of a wedding in Korea. I also went to a popular Korean hair style chain where I got a cute short expensive hair cut that I loved but when I got home I realized they’d completely missed a chunk of my hair which greatly disillusioned me with the chain. And in an effort to deal with some stress I tried learning traditional Korean wrapping and making an embroidery project as well as taking some a matcha course. Which I needed because I was in pain, it was vague and eventually turned into chest pains as the months progressed.

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July

July brought my first camp at my new school which was very different from my old camps on almost every way and more stress. It also brought new waves of goodbyes of friends heading home. My chest pains got worse in July and of course I googled them which sent me into a panic so I went to several doctors and there’s a good chance it’s from stress, so that’s fun.

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 August

August found me in Japan again. This time my big trip with a plan of visiting Hokkaido and the hopes to finish everything I wanted to do in Japan. It was full of misadventures and very hot but it was also fun. I also finally made it to Seoul Comic Con. It also found me with ear infections and what probably was/is tendinitis.

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September

In September I returned to Taiwan to visit Taipei on my own. It was very hot and during a holiday that meant a lot of places were closed so I went out of my way for places that were closed. It also found me with visitors to show around and a rather scary fever where the doctors told me either I had a cold or my liver was failing and that was not fun to hear. It was just a cold.

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October

In October I decided to start Adventuring Bibliophile as a Instagram and I tried several ways to make it it’s own blog only to get very frustrated.  My school had it’s school festival and I went on an insane flight to get home for a wedding. I was in the states for a day. I’ve never cried so much during a wedding. But I also never ever want to do such an insane trip where I spend more time in the air then on the ground ever again, especially not on an airline that’s so cheap. My school also took us to see the musical Marie Antoinette and I hosted a Halloween Party.

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November

November found me wedding crashing an old coworkers wedding. (Not wedding crashing in Korean culture, but definitely in American culture) It was so weird to see my old coworkers and I didn’t get to chat with a lot of the ones I wanted to and just found myself awkwardly not sure what to do, having not expected showing up late or staying. Then I went to the silver grass festival which was not something to do on a poor air quality day since it requires a lot of hiking and not something I particularly enjoyed to do in my dress. I made kimchi, I celebrated Thanksgiving with friends and tried an escape room for the first time.

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December

In December I was pretty bummed. The air quality was bad, classes were ending and I didn’t get an opportunity to really say goodbye to my students and tell them that no one would be replacing me. My job is gone and I’m the last teacher to have this position. I got to tell one class and we had a mini party which was delightful and touching. I also learned that the teacher who replaced me at my old school have also found their contract without a chance for renewal due to similar budget cuts. My friends are mostly all moving or also leaving and I spent much of December sort of frozen in fear. Where do I send all my stuff? Who do I give it to? None of it can stay and I don’t know where to send it. It’s overwhelming. My school had ceramic teachers come and teach us how to make traditional ceramic pieces in Korean style. But I found the process stressful. I made a mug but despite liking how it turned out, a bit like a tree stump, they told me it required too much work to fix to show me how to do the Korean style bits. So a coworker rushed to help me make a plate in the hopes that I could do the Korean aspect with it, only to be told again that it would take too long to fix. In the end when I got back my mug they hadn’t done the the thing I requested and the mug looks nothing like what I gave them. I was not happy. The plate didn’t come back. I tried to watch my students graduate only to learn that the space was too small and cramped to actually watch the graduation and then I was whisked off into a meeting so I couldn’t say goodbye to any of them afterwards. My Christmas traditions didn’t happen and it made me feel so much worse. All I wanted was to be home. And I ended the year feeling nervous, winter in 2018 was a wreck with family emergencies and pain and every small thing makes me so much more twisted up about being away.

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I don’t feel like I had a busy 2019 but when I look at everything I did it really was busy. I get why my coworkers and even one friend told me you’re always so busy. But it’s my last year in Korea and I’m trying to do everything I want to. I also am also trying to be more social and get out more now that I have the opportunity. I didn’t try as hard after my mother died and so I tried really really hard this year to push forward and I don’t know whether I did it in a healing way or in a way that burnt me out by the time I reached the end of the year. I also spent a lot of time this year going to the hospital, usually only to find out it was due to stress. It seems I react to stress physically so I don’t always noticed how stressed I am, unless I’m unable to sleep. And I had a lot of difficulty throughout this year sleeping.

A Review of last years Resolutions

Last year I tried my hand at resolutions.

I wanted to cook and bake more. I did do some before I left and this winter, but my new place didn’t come with an oven or a rice cooker, so baking didn’t happen. I did cook more but I also got sick of the things I made for myself fairly quickly. But I do think overall my diet has been healthier than it was in the country side. But it helps that the grocery store has lots of different types of things and is open past 6pm.

I did catch up with my podcasts but then with my reoccurring ear infections I stopped listening for awhile in a try to figure out what was causing it, even though my headphones were suppose to be fine. So I’m behind again.

I moved. And well, I’m moving again. Fun.

I didn’t want to regret moving. And that’s a toss up. I love where I live now. I love living in the city and I like my coworkers and my students but I taught at my old school for 4 years. I miss my coworkers, I miss our lunches, I miss all the big open spaces and the quiet and the stars and I do occasionally regret leaving my kids because I get messages of “Teacher when are you coming back?” and it breaks my heart.

Travel to: Singapore √,  Hong Kong x, Taipei √ , Japan √  (Okinawa x), home for wedding √, home for funeral X

Finish all the physical books I have (working on it, but I did finish the books I listed)

Go out more √ , spend more time in nature √ , spend time with friends √ , call home once a week √ , yoga and mediate x, learn something new √

The end of a decade

It’s really weird to realize it’s 2020. I graduated high school in 2010. Which means the majority of my life alone has been within this last decade, my time as a young adult. I don’t think high school me or even kid me would have guessed what I did. But maybe I would’ve. I always knew I wanted to leave the states and travel. But I was a huge scardy cat. I think though I would’ve expected to have gone to Japan though rather then South Korea. I graduated high school, went to college, lived in Chicago, wrote a lot, was an RA, met some amazing people, explored the city, started a blog, became a tutor, studied abroad in Prague, spent a spring break in London, organized and  hosted a ridiculous amount of events, graduated college with a BFA and after studying from some really cool writers and artists, moved across the globe to RURAL South Korea, made new friends, taught elementary school kids, explored, traveled with friends, traveled on my own, visited 8 different countries, wrote A LOT.  While I don’t feel like I’m where I wanted to be, I still have to be proud of the things I have accomplished.

The Future

I’m not going to do resolutions this year. I’m going to go back to doing gentle goals. Because I know this new year is going to be rough and I need to be gentle with myself. I’m at a crossroads that every friend before me who has taken has spoken to me with warnings and a tinge of regret. Moving back home is difficult. My aunt did it and said she felt like she left part of her soul somewhere over the ocean. I don’t know what I’m going to do. But I know there are some things I Have to do. Some are difficult and others less so.

Finish sending gifts home. (So late on holiday gifts. December caught me like a deer in headlights and I’ve been feeling stuck)

Start giving things away or selling them. My school isn’t keeping my apartment so everything that is mine must go. That’s 5 years worth of my life on my own. 5 years worth of memories I have to go through and make drastic decisions on.

Whatever I want to keep must fit in my suitcases or be shipped home.

Eat as much of my food as possible.

Drink as much of my tea as possible. (As much as I love the idea of coming home with tea from all sorts of different countries it also means less space for things like clothes)

Finish all the books on my bookcase

Buy my ticket home.

Close up accounts, do paperwork.

Have mothers funeral

Deal with mother’s things

Family vacation?

Go through all my stuff that my aunt has been watching

Figure out my life

Okay so that last one isn’t some gentle thing. I honestly don’t have an answer for it. I have half baked plans, but none of them are long term. Which kind of stresses me out. And really that’s all stuff I have to do like a to-do list not really goals. Okay, let me try that again.

Rest

write more and edit

spend time with family and friends

travel when possible.

Current planned trips, later this month:

Paris, France

Okinawa, Japan

Go to more bookish places in Korea

eat delicious foods I’ve missed

enjoy a bath

enjoy a dryer

Cook, bake, exercise, spend time in nature and with animals

Not sure if that’s better but it feels better. I feel like there’s so much that has to get done that the thought of what I’m doing after is too difficult to fathom. So I’m doing my best putting one foot in front of the other at the moment.

How was your decade? What do you hope to do in this new one?

Happy New year! May your 2020 bring you wonderful things.

  Year in Review- 2019 2019 is over and seeing 2020 on my calendar is strange. I had planned to go to bed early and get a lot of things done today, but instead I've found myself just wanting to spend my day resting.

[ontherockswithsalt]

A Made Man

/1/ /2/ /3/ /4/ /5/ /6/ /7/ /8/ /9/ /10/ /11/ /12/ /13/ /14/ /15/ /16/ /17/ /18/ /19/ /20/ /21/ /22/ /23/ /24/ /25/ /26/ /27/ /28/

A/N: I’m getting excited about lots of things in this universe. Eeeeee! Here’s Jamie on patrol on Christmas and this is all starting to get very real in New York City.

Chapter 29.

“I feel like we gotta go Chinese on Christmas, yeah?” Vinny proposes.

I consider the lunch option as the two of us make our way up the sidewalk at Seventh Avenue. Vinny and I had agreed to take a Christmas Day shift and neither of us really mind. So far it’s an easy morning – pleasant, cold but clear – the holiday settling the city.

Working on Christmas when I don’t really have other commitments at home is actually kind of fun. The energy in the city changes once the chaotic lead-up to the holiday subsides, crowds disperse, and what’s left is a classic Manhattan that’s festive and at ease. For a morning, at least. It won’t be long before people start drinking and estranged family members are reminded that they hate each other and we start getting calls.

“Dim sum?” I ask. “That place in Hell’s Kitchen?”

“Yeah, brother,” Vinny agrees with an eager clap of his hands before he rubs them together. “So what’s your family’s game plan on Christmas?”

Stepping off the curb, I round the front of our patrol car and head for the driver’s side. “I saw everybody last night. And I might go over to my dad’s later on,” I tell him as I settle into the car and adjust my radio. “I think he’s down at the Bowery Mission with the mayor today.”

“Look at that.” He pulls on his seat belt beside me. “The PC putting the rest of you Reagans to shame.”

“Yeah, I know.” I smirk, pulling away to start up the block. “Hey, I’m being a good Samaritan today.”

“You did help that delivery guy change the chain on his bike.”

“See?” I chuckle. “So what about you? How are the Cruz festivities up in Washington Heights?”

“Bro–” He manages a weary groan. “We all went to my aunt’s last night after Mass and I’m feeling it today. My sisters gave me a hard time for going home after one drink but I had to get some sleep.”

“One year I’ll have to party with you guys. It sounds way more fun than what goes down at my house.”

“Oh we get rowdy, man. And if you win the dance-off against my nieces and nephews, you can open the first present.”

Amused by the visual, I shake my head, always appreciating the stories Vinny has of his big family, growing up the only boy among four sisters.

“But I’ll probably head over to my mom’s later and see about any leftover tamales and call it a day.”

“Sounds good to me,” I muse, scanning the block for a place to park as we roll along Forty-Ninth.

Stuffed eggplant and spring rolls make for fine holiday meal. And after grabbing two green teas to go, Vinny and I make our way out of the sleepy restaurant.

I feel my phone buzz and I take a moment to retrieve it before I sink down into the car. Clicking open the message, I see it’s from Noble.

Noble: I know you’re working but can I call real quick? 2 minutes.

“Hang on,” I mutter aloud while I text him back the go-ahead. “Let me take this call.”

Settling back, Vinny flips open his memo book. “Sure thing, man.”

After a second, my phone rings and I clear my throat to answer it, glancing out my driver’s side window. “Hey. What’s going on?”

“My man!” He greets and the effortless, happy sound of it rouses a warmth in my chest. “You got a minute?”

“Sure. Just finished up lunch.”

“What was Christmas Day lunch on the streets today?”

“We hit up Buddha Kitchen,” I tell him. “And it was a good decision.”

He lets out a needy, wistful groan. “Dude, I’m jealous. AirDrop me some crystal dumplings.”

“Will do.”

“Well listen,” he starts. “What if I had the chance to get in a trip to New York after I get back from the beach? Would I be able to see you?”

“Really?” I wonder with this hopeful note that I notice piques Vinny’s attention. “Uh yeah I think so. So what, like New Year’s?”

“The 29th and 30th.”

Pondering that Saturday, I scratch my jaw and silently remind myself not to let my mind start spinning over how badly I want to see him. “We could do that,” I reason. “That’s good. I gotta work New Year’s Eve anyway.”

“Ugh yikes,” he grumbles his quick sympathy. “Also. What if Bianca came with me?”

I consider it, dragging my teeth along my lower lip. I merely hum a pensive, “Huh.”

“We’d stay at the Greenwich. I’m not asking to crash with you or anything–”

“No, it’s not that. I’m just… surprised she’d be ready for that.”

“She says she is,” he offers. “Think about it. In terms of, y’know the risk. I’m not pulling the trigger on tickets just yet. But tonight, maybe we could figure it out.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“So Saturday works though?” He verifies. “We could have like… our own early New Year’s.”

An unguarded smile hints the corner of my mouth and I turn my head with a casual glance out the window. “Alright.”

“Is Vinny right there?” He wonders.

“Yeah we’re in the RMP–”

“MERRY CHRISTMAS, VINNY!” Noble shouts through the phone, so loud I have to angle it away.

I blink hard and tell my partner, “Nick says hi.”

“Yo what up, Nick!” Vinny glances up from the report he was writing to lean closer.

“Alright, I’ll let you go,” Noble says. “We’ll talk more tonight–”

“Sounds good.”

“If you know–”

“No–” I warn.

“–What I mean.”

I sigh, managing to clear my throat before any heat creeps into my face.

He goes on, “What are you wearing?”

“Alright–”

Noble laughs, pleased with himself. “Fine. I’ll go. I know what you’re wearing but I’ll ask you again later. And I’m sending you a work-safe picture, by the way.”

“Don’t you need to go lay in a hammock or something?”

“I do. I’m late for hammock time.”

With a chuckle, I scratch my nose and glance down at my lap. “Talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

Ending the call, I put my phone away and tilt the warm paper cup of tea to my lips.

“How’s your boy?” Vinny asks.

“He’s good. Christmas in the Bahamas. Guess he can’t complain.”

“So this witness protection life. He’s got no parents, no cousins, nothing? Just him and his sister.”

I scan the block out the windshield and shift back against the seat. “Yep. His mother died when he was a kid. Dad’s in federal prison in West Virginia doing a life sentence.”

“Damn,” Vinny muses. “Murder?”

“Murder for hire. Conspiracy, fraud, extortion,” I list. “Quite the renaissance man.”

“The works, huh?”

Nodding in agreement, I take a quiet moment to think about Noble and mentally will him to feel it. It’s this strange practice I do every now and then because I swear, at random moments in the day, there’s a heavy squeeze and I feel it someplace deeper than my core. And without analyzing it too hard, I simply tell myself it’s him thinking about me.

“You meet the guy?”

I swallow another gulp of tea. “I never met his father. I met his uncle though, and I’m pretty sure he got a similar sentence.”

“Was his dad a mob boss for real?” He questions.

Here and there, Vinny’s managed to draw out pieces of information from me with regard to that case, purely out of his own curiosity. I’ve talked about Noble enough to him that the shock value of his whole back story has worn off. I mean hell, the two of them shout hellos to each other through the phone. So by now, it’s only natural that Vinny knows how deep my boyfriend’s criminal ties run.

“His dad was up there. He was a captain,” I explain. “So technically not a boss if you’re talking hierarchy. But–”

“Like, that’s some real gangster mafioso shit, Reagan.”

I scoff in amusement. “Yeah.”

“La Cosa Nostra.”

I laugh again. “I mean, I don’t think it was that heavy. Not like old school Italian mob–”

“But they tried to kill you.”

“Well, yeah. And him.”

“And Nick’s just clean,” he supposes. “Nothing? No record. He’s on the up and up?”

“It’s fair to say he probably… participated in plenty of shady business. Whether he really knew it or not,” I acknowledge. “He said growing up, he didn’t have the attention span and the vindictiveness in him to be of much use to the family like that.”

Vinny hums a good-natured chuckle.

“So he’d distract himself or let other people get their hands dirty and hope it kept him on the fringe of it all.”

He blinks with a nod as he seems to process it.

I sniff a soft laugh. “Does his whole situation make you uneasy?”

He shrugs. “No I mean, you wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t solid. I do wanna meet the guy though.”

“He’ll be here this weekend.”

Vinny reaches out to smack my shoulder with the back of his hand. “So we should hang out.”

I turn and look at my partner to consider it. Drawing in a deep inhale, I have to laugh a little, my nerves not exactly settling at the idea.

He grins. “Come on, let’s all go out. Can he go out?”

Just then my phone buzzes once more and I remember Noble promised to send me a picture. Normally, I wouldn’t take a look until my tour was over. But he assured me it’d be innocent, plus it’s a quiet day on the radio and I miss him, so I check it out.

“He can,” I answer while I swipe the screen. “We’ve just gotta be sort of strategic about where we go.”

“Alright,” Vinny agrees.

The picture he sends makes a half smile curve on my face and I shake my head. “They’re such dorks,” I mutter.

“Let me see.”

I tilt my phone screen toward Vinny to show him the picture. Noble – with sunglasses on and the end of a candy cane between his teeth like a cigar – and Bianca wearing a Santa hat with an exaggerated wink leaning into one another by the pool.

Vinny coughs an appreciative laugh. “Tell them to hook us up with the invite next time.”

“Yeah really. Well if you’re free on Saturday, we can all go out for drinks or something–”

“Now wait a minute.” He stops me from pulling my phone away and angles closer. “You told me about the sister but you didn’t tell me about the sister.”

I hiss a soft laugh. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He just tilts his head and looks up at me, his forehead creased as if I should know exactly what it means.

I cut a skeptical glance his way. “N-No-no-no–”

With a hopeful twitch of his eyebrow, he wonders, “Is she coming too?”

“Vin– don’t even–”

“Hey look–” He fakes a contemplative gaze at his own phone. “I’m free this Saturday.”