#(on account of me still getting followers despite this blog being inactive.)

[asgardian--angels]

Talking on the phone with my mom I finally broke down and cried thoroughly about the cancellation. I think I'd been holding it in for the last two days, or two months. And honestly I've been wondering all along why this show means so much to me. I am not queer, I am not neurodivergent, I am not POC or disabled or any of the groups that this show has been so important for in terms of representation and being treated with respect and dignity. I understand and completely empathize with all of you, and fight for this show and your rights worldwide alongside you, but it still left me wondering why I myself have latched onto Our Flag Means Death. I suppose part of it is that despite being white and cishet and the privileges that have always come with that, I have been treated like an outsider and ostracized my entire childhood and teenage years, for being ugly and having "disgusting" interests (primarily liking insects, reptiles, other creepy-crawlies - aka the thing I literally do for my career now). I was bullied relentlessly from preschool through early college and became a very lonely introverted person - I still am. Undoubtedly Our Flag Means Death gave me renewed hope that I haven't missed some key window for finding love or relationships of any kind that matter, as I sit here typing this at age 28 having never dated anyone.

But it had to be more than that. And with everything that's happened the past couple of months, and the last few days, I think it finally clicked for me.

Followers of my blog may or may not know that I am a conservation biologist, or pollinator ecologist, whichever hat fits best on a given day, they're quite close. I don't make many original posts like this anymore on here because my job is so busy. Basically, I do a variety of things - academic research, habitat management & restoration, and public outreach - to try and preserve biodiversity and ecosystems on our planet. I'm just going to say it: it's a thankless job. Nothing we do ever feels like it's enough, and burnout is common in our field because we sit with the guilt of feeling like we are the only thing between survival and utter destruction of planet Earth, and work ourselves to exhaustion. It's one of those jobs where your work is your life, and your passion is your work, and it's inseparable from who you are on a molecular level. We are often faced, on a large scale, with hostility, from people that don't believe in science and are more than happy to pull a shotgun on us, or rich old men in power who are content to watch the world burn for another penny in their bank account. There are days when sometimes it sinks in just how bad things are, and it's terrifying, and I feel like we will never be able to do enough, to change enough, before it gets catastrophic. It's paralyzing.

My ability to do my job is dependent on hope. Unwavering, unrelenting hope. Hope beyond hope. We have to believe what we're doing matters, otherwise we'd fall down and never get back up again. I'm no big-shot, I give talks to a few hundred people at a time, and make urban pollinator habitat on a local scale. Is any of that going to make a difference compared to the ramifications of a single oil mogul deciding to cut corners and cause an oil spill that kills millions of seabirds and damages ocean food chains for decades to come? If people in my field let thoughts like that linger, we'd be paralyzed to inaction. I have to hope that the people I teach choose to do something good with that knowledge, and go on to inspire others, or that the patch of habitat I make allows a declining species to maintain a foothold instead of going locally extinct. You just have to keep going.

And Our Flag Means Death got wrapped up in that for me. The Stede Bonnet effect, if you will. He set out to do pirating differently, treating his crew with respect and helping them grow. In return, they internalized that mindset, and it spread to how they interacted with others. It changed the trajectory of individual lives, and also at least began to change how the society of pirates operated as a whole. It was a beacon of hope that choosing small acts of kindness did matter, even if you yourself could not see the ripples it made. It renewed my faith that love persevered and would win. That we could all make life a little better for each other and ourselves through kindness, compassion, forgiveness, and mutual support. I think a good chunk of that is from Taika - these are running themes in his projects, and his films move me deeply for that. This show became in some, perhaps subconscious way, a source of strength for me to keep putting myself out there in my line of work to do whatever I was capable of to help the cause.

The cancellation was devastating, but the second cancellation (turbohell cancelation?) was even more so. Because now it's so clear that this is largely the work of David Zaslav and the regime he's built. It's petty, it's greedy, and more than anything, it's cruel. Indifferently, indiscriminately cruel, when one person at the top can have such power to make or break the lives of thousands, millions, beneath them, and though it would have been barely a drop in the bucket, a hand wave, to renew our show or let it pass to another streamer, he actively chose to shackle it to this sinking Titanic of a company WBD has become. I have always operated on the belief that you can do anything if you work hard enough at it, and believed deep down that there was some order, some justice in the universe, atheist though I be. We as a fandom did everything we possibly could, we loved this show harder than anything. The numbers were there, the awards nominations were there, the critic praise was there, and we were loud and loyal every single day. I felt like we could do this - how could we not win when we've done so much, and the show deserves it so much? Surely cause and effect will prevail.

This fight seemed small, though really it wasn't; we fought for the right of artists and creators to make quality, original stories and have them told to their natural end, we fought for diversity representation to be more than a token character - OFMD raised the bar so much higher on all fronts, we fought to shed light on the chaos and impending collapse of this industry silencing art and exploiting writers, actors, and all manner of production workers. It was a small fight from the outside, one that I really felt we could win. And I put my heart and soul into it, because if we could win this, if we could save this simple, kind love story about two guys on a boat, then maybe there was hope for the bigger, badder stuff too. It shouldn't seem an insurmountable task for several thousand fans to convince a streaming service that they'd turn a tidy profit to give our show one more season.

Yet we lost - through no fault of our own. I am so proud of us. But that really struck deep for me. If one peabrained CEO of a media company wouldn't budge on greenlighting a show that was in his every best interest business-wise - perhaps enough to even save Max from going under in the not-too-distant future - my god, what hope was there for changing anything bigger? The 'real' problems of the world? When no amount of ethos, logos, or pathos can penetrate these men at the top, where's that hope to fight? Lately the world seems like it's just going belly up all over. If we gave everything we could, and it still wasn't enough - if it could never be enough - what hope is there? It's like chaining yourself to a tree and the bulldozer plowing right on ahead. And I think that broke something in me. It shook me to my foundations because it broke my rules of how things are supposed to work. We believed hard enough, we worked tirelessly, and we deserved it for how important this show was to so many people. And it didn't matter. Our best wasn't enough. And that caused an avalanche of all of the horrible, scary things piled on my shoulders - we're losing the Amazon rainforest too fast to save, climate change is going to turn the corn belt into a dustbowl by mid-century, a border wall is going to devastate imperiled wildlife in Texas, deforestation and hurricanes on songbird wintering grounds could lead to entire species extinctions, saltmarshes are our lifeline and they're shrinking and we're still building stupid concrete stormwalls, invasive diseases will completely alter the composition of our forests to be unrecognizable to our children, and if you don't make every slide of this powerpoint utterly perfect and you fail to convince every single person in attendance to get rid of their lawn then you've failed and the world is doomed.

I've struggled with being a perfectionist my whole life. This didn't help.

That's where I was a couple hours ago. But I took some deep breaths. I know the world isn't fair. But I really thought if we could win this one battle, then we could win the war.

But here's what I realized. Everything we did mattered. It mattered so much. Because there's the show, and then there's everything that was birthed out of that show. The community, so many of us around the world who have been uplifted by Our Flag Means Death in a real and lasting way that we will take with us and spread to affect those around us. The Stede Bonnet effect goes global. We raised thousands and thousands of dollars for charities around the world, real people whose lives have been improved, or maybe even saved, because of us and this silly pirate show. We brought a hell of a lot of attention to WBD and their shitty practices, keeping the momentum going in a way that I think is only going to build - and I sure hope it leads to Zaslav getting deposed. We have demanded more queer stories, more BIPOC stories, more disabled and autistic and middle-aged stories, stories with exquisite costumes and award-worthy wigs, dear lord, and we are being heard. We have expressed such love and support for the cast and crew, showing them that we appreciate their hard work and that we will be behind them in their future projects. So many of them have told us how the show and its fans have changed their lives. We convinced Rhys that his career isn't winding down but winding up, and to be unapologetic about his wonderful weirdness - we've proven to everyone through this show that your weirdness is what someone out there is going to love you for, not in spite of. We rallied to help writers and actors during the strikes in a way that was taken to heart and remembered. We have been out here talking it through as a crew, and turning poison into positivity, for over two years now, and that impact is permanent. They can cancel our show, they can try and slap copyright notices on our fan merch, and spew bullshit excuses about the numbers not being there. But Our Flag Means Death sparked a movement, the biggest pirate crew the world has ever seen, using our power for good.

We may not have any more new material for our show for a while, or ever. But I maintain hope that when the dust has settled and streaming has entered its 'new era' that they'll remember us and throw us a lifeline. Because hope is a part of my genetic makeup, and even in cancellation my hope has been renewed that the fight is worth fighting, that our individual choices of kindness are having an effect, and making the world a little easier to live in bit by bit. No one can take from us what we have built out of this show. And thanks to pirating, they can't take the actual show from us either. Despite this, no matter the outcome, I am so happy we got two seasons of this wonderful series. That was more than almost anyone expected. The story belongs to all of us, and it will always live on. We did not truly lose this battle, because in the process we gained more than we could have ever imagined. And I know there's still so much more to come. That gives me the strength to keep doing what I do, every day.

To me, Our Flag Means Hope.

[jensettermandu]

These half-witted femcel’s represent why i’m no longer active on wattpad. It’s not all wattpad users, but it’s always wattpad users. Getting triggered by me not being in love with a woman i don’t know and that my ult bias has always been Chuu goes to the hall of fame wall for the dimwits that have stumbled upon my blog and gotten triggered by me. 

First of all these “people” have to be one person because there’s no way strangers speak this generically with each other ONLINE on WATTPAD. If it is three different people, congratulations, it’s giving obsessed (it’s giving even more obsessed if it is one person or friends), especially since none of you follow me. so you’re telling me you’ve been lurking on an inactive profile waiting for something to happen??? AND YOU KNOW WHAT, I don’t blame you, my work slaps and I WILL GIVE YOU THE ATTENTION YOU WANTED. 

Second of all, no i do not love any of these idols so let that marinate in your head and everyone else's. i admire them for the things they have accomplished, their talents and their beauty. I do not engage in parasocial activities considering i get love from the people around me which im assuming you don't :/ poor you.

I cannot feel love for someone i don’t know, especially since i know their idol image and don’t know what type of person they are in real life. That being something that triggers you means you’re too weak for the internet buddy so wrap it up and touch some grass, sign up for some yoga classes and start doing breathing exercises. There’s still time to save yourself from a miserable life. 

The question i was asked came with no good context and i answered it the best i could <3

Third, jennie is not all im about or all i write about if you were to check my masterlist. She’s only all i write about on wp because that was how i grew my following to begin with and decided to stick to it on there and create a tumblr so i could try something new. SO there's one thing you weren't wrong about and that's my WATTPAD account being all for jennie, never said my tumblr would be it.

The receipts:

SO womp womp, cry about it while still eating up every Jennie fic i have posted/updated since 2020. YES, they manage to complain despite being fed since 2020.

You unfollowing me does not bother me, it rather feels like an accomplishment seeing that i managed to trigger someone so much with so few words that it made them unfollow me AND announce it to everyone.

I will also hand out the block for you three so you can feel like you accomplished something fr to considering it will never happen outside of this. rather than chasing something that would make you dimwits useful and appreciated and not like a waste of good chromosomes, you’re on my feed trying to prove a point that never existed, making you look like bigger fools than you already are. 

much love your biggest CHUU STAN, JENsettermandu <3

i would like to get a reply from all three even if you have to log into all three accounts to do it

[writerpeach]

So, I've been going through my Tumblr following list to un-following some inactive/retired accounts, and while doing that, I was wondering to myself "Where in the fuck is nsfwtwicecatcher?" on my following list because I could distinctly remember that you were the first K-pop smut account I followed. But lo and behold, you're still here, just under a different name.

Just reading back at your old fics (especially your Kinktober fic for Wendy) brought me back to the Fall of 2019 when I was just a stupid, dumb undergraduate student in his senior year of college and had just gotten into K-pop because I had just happened to stumble upon “Zimzalabim” by Red Velvet during the summer.

Now I’m a (still dumb) graduate student in his third year of his Ph.D. program, trying to survive another finals week.

And just thinking about it, if I hadn’t stumbled onto your blog, I wouldn’t have gotten to discover a few new writers during the 2020 Pandemic, such as sinsatmidnight, sharpfeelings, mintwithchoco, thelastdrop, lockefanfic, nsfwflint, and closedafterdark.

I don’t know why I’m suddenly compelled to send you this ask. Maybe it’s because I’m emotional about seeing what I’ve missed from you all these years. Or maybe it’s because looking back and re-reading your older works, I’m still getting the same enamored (lustful?) feeling now as I was back then.

I’m just proud of what you and all the authors mentioned have done during this time. Sure, they may be smuts, but for me, they all provide an escape from a demanding reality. And for me, that is worth all the graduate conference papers, presentations, and a (soon-to-be) doctoral thesis combined.

So, thank you, Peach. Thank you (and the others) for providing this one reader the amount of joy that I will remember for many years to come.

(Also, your Wendy anal fic is still the hottest piece of writing I have ever read)

I never know what quite to say to long asks like this, because I feel like just saying "thank you" doesn't do it justice. So for starters, thank you. This is probably the nicest ask I've ever gotten.

And I'm glad you found me again! Sorry I don't really write as often as I used to. It always feels good to hear that someone still goes back to my fics, both old and new, and I'm glad that my writing served a purpose other than just an outlet for horni, which is fine, but to have an impact other than just monke brain makes the effort feel worth it.

I've written so many things that sometimes I completely forget about them, but that Wendy fic was really fun to write.

Thank you again, anon. Despite being a writer, I don't know what else to say other than thank you so much for the kind words, and continuing to read my stories, even while you're out there doing something useful with your life, and best of luck in your studies!

[nyxzee]

i debated putting this on my art blog but as a point i've been vocal about this shit since it happened and i'm still fucking livid about it all despite how fucking long ago it was. this is going to be linked in my pinned posts so as a heads up, warning for all types of abuse, self harm (including a detailed description), suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, overdose mentions, intense mental health shit, ableist narratives and gore along with mistreatment from the fandom

hi, i'm nyx, this blog used to be called emeridan and my old main was bardofmotherfuck - i was one of the gamzee fans who was sent gore, the wish i kill myself, and other abuse for identifying with gamzee. this wasn't a "oh lol funny clown he's goofy like me" i identify with him due to abuse trauma, due to being an addict and mentally ill. because i was hurt deeply by religion and losing my faith caused me to fall into bad fucking shit. to slightly minor extents i identify due to the friendship and romantic issues he had, fuck gamzee makara even had me, a then 20something realize i was bisexual and nonbinary! to a more intense one i identify with him because his agency was taken away and he was made a slave to other peoples horrific intentions - which isn't fun as i hope you'd imagine. i used to have a tag for the vent art i did involving the makara line (blood, gore, abuse all in this tag as you'd expect someone with severe trauma to have in vent art)

i'm not unique in this. there are a lot of gamzee fans who dealt with this. it was a huge fucking issue, it happened on msparp too, to the extent they posted about it happening because it was so fucking frequent. there are multiple gamzee fans i used to follow on tumblr who were sent the same and worse shit. i'm not mentioning them because even to the ones still into homestuck content, this shit was traumatic. i'm a petty bitch so as a protest i only drew gamzee for a while! (just in case these are the real time posts from my main: 1, 2), i have this account from 2015 here, i have this mentioned again here. this fandom abuse has been established well for me, it started 9 months into my homestuck art centric blog after all!

i'm still here in spite of people wanting me to kill myself. honestly despite being petty and boastful in still being here about it when it happened i wasn't actually feeling like that in real life. shocking i know. i had an intense cutting period due to it, i'm still scared of having my submit open, i still want to vomit whenever i get an email that anyone's sent me anything. i've seriously considered suicide a lotta times because i was so frequently told i was in the wrong, i've still got methods in mind and whenever i take my regular medication for the chronic pain shit i think things would be better if i flat out just took everything and didn't wake up ever again. a lotta it is real life trauma, but i used and still use homestuck (and especially gamzee) to help with that.

i talk about it whenever i see a brief chance to, i just haven't screamed loudly in a while that this abuse happened. i find screaming that i'm hurt exhausting and i'm still pretty sure someone will end up giving me shit - and for what i'm doing in this fucking post i'm damn fucking sure i've painted a target on myself again. but i don't care. i am who i am, i've been through all the shit life has thrown (and continues to throw) at me.

@ardenttheories posted a thing that includes a message i sent on twitter (on anon of course because i was scared) in this post here. blog's inactive, i dunno anything about ardent and that isn't the point of this. i'm just proving i've been here for a long fucking time and i've seen some fucking horrors. the message was one i sent on twitter and it looks like the op has deleted their account so i can't prove this but i think i've shown that this isn't a thing i've pulled outta my ass because i'm one of the bitter old fans who hates the current team and wants to lie to hurt them.

i actually don't know anyone aside from james roach being involved and the fact kate was asked to rejoin the team. this is mentioned here by sarah who, was in fact part of this problem but of course that doesn't matter because gamzee fans are pigshit (no tag because i don't wanna waste anything on that drivel!). here's a casual reminder of what exactly the pigshit comment is referring to.

i don't think the trauma of gamzee fans trumps the trauma the team got. trauma and fandom abuse is bad all round. it's not fun, it's gross and painful and people who send abuse are fucking monsters. however, the team was a big part in sending a giant fuck you to the trauma gamzee fans have gotten. that's what the problem is here, that's what this whole post has been leading to. i'm not writing this as a call to cancel homestuck^2 - i'm writing this because i want some acknowledgement on what happened to us. as i said, i'm still here despite the abuse, hopes i'd kill myself and the want to kill myself so i'm making a point of saying something.

the issues in the fandom of team members didn't start with the hs^2 team, it had a nice jumpstart from shelby cragg. i refuse to link any of the accounts who have posted accounts of this as i don't want to get people who dealt with her more stress and the only other person who mentions it isn't someone i want to link any traffic towards. google 'shelby cragg gamzee hate' and you'll find it. she used to tag horrific shit on gamzee fans artwork. fans who had in fact, been sent gore and harassment. she used to post about how great abusive ships were, how actual abuse victims (specifically the gamzee fan ones!) should feel about gam/rezi, how stupid gamzee fans were and directly bait and switch gamzee fans who she'd directly told to call her out if she fucked up by telling them they were random people who had no right to call her out. she had an abuse survivor friend so of course, the wrong abuse survivors didn't matter.

her co-authoring the serendipity gospels which while not official canon had become fandom canon. purples and teals of course work together on alternia after they grow up! gamzee was a total abusive nut case whose personality was either lol druggie or abusive monster and terezi was his victim, gamzee was a bunch of things in this fanfic and it's still looked to as the greatest fanfic in fandom history. as anything shelby touched involving gamzee his portrayal in it was racist, ableist and was always abusive in some way to any character he was placed with. i'm not here to talk about the person who wrote it with her or whatever work she's doing now with her non homestuck content. my point is the fanfiction was bad and it became fanon legend.

gamzee fans have been out crying that we have endured severe trauma that made us relate to gamzee. we weren't there for the ableist shit shelby made out of his character. there are different types of fans for his character, but i hope i've made a point that i'm referring to the people like me. the ones who were directly targeted because of our mental illnesses and abuse history. the ones who monsters wanted to kill.

homestuck proper ended on a bad note for gamzee fans. we had no conclusion, we had nothing. in the end after everything we were left with absolutely nothing but people filling in the blanks to say we likely deserved it because we liked this fucking awful clown. we got nothing for what happened to us. we just had to blindly accept we were hated and people wanted us dead for identifying with a fictional character.

then the epilogue's happened. then homestuck^2. then pesterquest. it bought this hate for us back front and center. the team hated us, hated a character who helped us get through shit no one should have had to endure.

like shelby did, they brutalized his character, and i'm damn fucking sure those cunts know what happened to us. we screamed, and screamed and SCREAMED that we were suffering but they boiled it down to "oh they just like that abusive man! let me make him more abusive" - the portrayal of gamzee in the new work is nothing but someone constantly spitting in our faces. the album of the team's string of bullshit should give you an idea on how the rest of this is gonna go.

the epilogue portrayal of gamzee went into the shit we'd had enough already, it turned a character who helped people cope become a gross dystopian version of our fucking abusers!!! the shit we'd endured from the fandom and our real life trauma was the butt of every fucking joke. there was no conclusion to his actual arc in it, there was no happy resolution for us, but there was a shout out to us. we got our moment of acknowledgment! they turned something that had helped real life abuse survivors, mentally ill people, addicts and victims of religious trauma - a fictional character who people wanted us dead over - into our abusers, into the worst things we'd dealt with, into a fucking mockery of our abuse. ALL of our abuse. all of our trauma. all we'd been through.

homestuck^2 did this further. they were parading the mockery of our abuse to the fullest extent they could think to do. i couldn't get past gamzee's death. but i know they've continued to hate us. i know they can't wait for us to end up killing ourselves so they can piss on our graves.

i have a review of pesterquest here, it's not complete. i couldn't finish the game fully. rose's story caused a self harm relapse and a huge hope i'd be brave enough to take the fucking overdose and end it all. i didn't go into how much gamzee's route broke me. i couldn't. i gained something outta it though! my left pinky and index fingers often lose feeling and i'm unable to use them unless i rigorously shake my hand for five minutes because i burnt my arm as badly as i could. i have cigarette burns all over my wrist, it looks like an octopus scarred me with every arm of its on one side and like someone made an attempt to burn down to my bone with something far bigger than a cigarette on the other. it wasn't something other than a cigarette, but it was a few cigarettes in the same spot. it was burning until i snuffed it out, relighting and burning down again until i'd finished the cigarette, lighting another and repeating. i did this until i felt like i'd earned my right to be alive again.

i need you to understand i'm disabled due to severe pain. i have fibromyalgia that was undiagnosed and untreated since i was 15. i'm 30 now. i've been suffering chronic headaches since i was 11. i've had my lip ripped open. i have ganglion cysts that make bending my wrist in the slightest hurt. i tore both rotator cuffs severely 10 years ago, my wrists are hypermobile and hurt constantly. my dominant arm sufferers from tendonitis. my jaw is so fucked i can't open it fully some days and it always makes a horrific pop outta alignment when i yawn. i've spent at least 10 years sleeping on a couch instead of on a bed as i either didn't have a bed or the one i had was so busted it made sleep impossible, as such my back and neck are a fucking nightmare stream of nonstop pain. i have back trauma from a car accident as a kid. i've strangled myself a few times with cords to try numb the pain out, i've been physically abused to the point i nearly died, i've been sexually assaulted multiple times, i've been violently ill from attempted overdoses or allergies. my point is, i know pain. it's the oldest companion i have and i'm tired of having it.

the continued burning i did to myself from that night however, surpassed any of those individual incidents. it eclipsed the regular intense agony i'm in daily for a solid month. the emotional turmoil of a life like mine had led to this. i'd found fiction to hide in, i'd found a character who so perfectly captured all of this trauma, all of this pain, all of this shit i've had to fucking deal with. i've had people try and take him away, i've had monsters try and get me to take the plunge and kill myself. i thought i was largely numb to bad gamzee interpretation and could move past all this hurt. it turns out i wasn't numb and this shit would continue to hurt. but it wasn't just a random ignorant idiot this time round, it was official. it was the team digging my grave and getting ready to throw shit on top of my corpse. that hurts in a unique way.

i don't do homestuck^2 now or ever. i refuse to finish pesterquest. i do my best to ignore the additional trauma the original team was aiming for. i viciously ignore and deny the shit they pull now. i quietly hiss to friends that some disgusting and ignorant cunt said the dumbest fucking shit that makes me want to scream until my vocal cords snap. i see the odd snapshot of what mutilation is happening to a comic that frankly saved my life in so many ways. i don't look in the gamzee tag as someone will have tagged the mutilated hs^2 version in there and that will do nothing but hurt. i don't enjoy being irritated by the snapshots i've seen. i want noting more than a fucking retcon where hs^2 and pesterquest are removed and we were left with the snapchat panels as the finale of homestuck.

in a more petty sense i want a personalized apology from everyone involved in the project, tattoo "i'm a dumb cunt" to their forehead, write an essay as long as homestuck's entire transcript about why they're sorry for what they did. i want the fans who rejoice in the mangled mess that gamzee is in hs^2 to shut the fuck up and delete their blogs. i want the amount of money the kickstarter for hiveswap raised deposited into my paypal account weekly. i want my therapy sessions paid for until i die. i want them to pay for private health care so i can stop physically hurting. what i want is illogical and those are frivolous things off the top of my head. they're stupid and petty and a complete fantasy.

what i really want though, is something that seems like it's a million times more impossible than a weekly deposit of $2485506. i want some fucking acknowledgment of this shit having happened. i've laid out my personal history with this shit, but it's not a personal "here's the essay nyx wrote about how much gamzee hate has fucked them up - it's totally worse than what the homestuck^2 team went through - gamzee hate is a bannable offense as such on every site due to it" that i want. i've burnt down to my bones on how much this shit has hurt me and in truth, i think i'm largely writing this for myself so i can at least say i said something. i wasn't a coward. i stood up and shouted at the void that gamzee fans have been badly abused.

the truth is: i want the abuse gamzee fans went through, the harassment, the gore, the threats and the physical abuse some of us have endured recognized. i'm not trying to overshadow the harassment the team got. but i'm saying the personalized attacks on us were unjustified. the mockery of the abuse we received from real life abusers and the abuse we were sent online for liking gamzee makara. they knew what they were doing. they did it to mock us. they did it to hurt us because we were the wrong kinda victim. we weren't their warped view of the canon and we interpreted, saw, identified, found comfort and loved a character who they disliked. our real life trauma and circumstance wasn't what they saw in gamzee and we had the fucking nerve to see ourselves in a character who can't be replicated in any other media. we were the ones in the wrong. we're the wrong victims. the wrong fans. the pigshit.

i've been writing this for over four hours now and i think i've exhausted how much i can say this stuff. it's been painful and i've ripped myself open to say this all but i think i'm doing the right thing. i'll second guess my way for the rest of my life, i'll overthink everything i do every time because i'm the wrong sorta victim. overall, in a sense i don't care anymore. i'm not numb by any means, i'm not saying i don't care as a bravado this time. i'm saying that i'm not letting you motherfucking cunts put me in the darkest place i've ever fucking been again. i'm not relapsing and losing more use of my hand. i know what kind of people the team are, i know the ignorance and venomous victim blaming and hate in people who hate gamzee fans. over all my final point is this:

it's unfair. why was this shit justifiable. why do we get ignored when we're hurt severely. why don't we matter. why can't our method of coping with homestuck be accepted like everyone else's. why are we the wrong ones. why did we deserve this. why was the fandom abuse towards us a good funny thing.

why the fuck do you hate us so much?

[justasksandbeats]

When will you open ask blog?

What is your schedule that you can open the ask blog? Just asking if that’s okay.

-

this blog has been inactive for two years. im honestly surprised it still gets followers– im not sure if the theme shows the date? i occasionally post fanart that gets submitted to me, but i usually just hold onto it in my inbox because i dont want to get people’s hopes up by posting.

i havent been a part of the just shapes & beats fandom for a pretty long time now– i do sometimes draw stuff for it, but its about “once a year”. i just dont really feel like i can continue the askblog from where it left off, and id have to restart this entirely at this point because its been so long and my ideas for the characters and worldbuilding have changed

if you want to follow other jsab askblogs, i.. cant exactly recommend any because i have no idea which ones are still around? again, it’s been two years since i was last active in the fandom. people are welcome to promo themselves on this post!

honestly this announcement / confirmation is Very overdue, but i kept putting it off because i actually did get some hateful messages over my inactivity / posting fanart instead of doing anything (which is why i just hold onto it now, w/ exceptions). im really, really sorry to disappoint everyone.

if you want to keep up with what im doing now, you can find my main blog at @getallemeralds​​, but again i dont really do much jsab content anymore. sorry.

[sweet-rintarou]

Ecstatic was the only word you could list in your head as you reread the message from Ushijima. There was nothing else that could describe your feelings in the very moment you received the text. The excitement rushed through your veins, igniting an adrenaline you haven’t felt aside from band related events. Thus, you found it difficult to fall asleep, the events of the next day occupying your thoughts. What will happen? Where will he take me? were questions that echoed through your mind as you stared at the ceiling of your apartment. 

Grateful for this to happen, you had finally stopped thinking about your quarrel with Semi, which had led to your in-the-heat-of-the-moment decision to quit the band. You didn’t want, of course, but in your head at that moment, that was the only thing you could do to shut him up. 

It’s true that he was the sole reason you had joined the band, as you both were a part of your campus orchestra before you dropped out of college. It was only after he heard you singing after hours that he approached you to join the band he was working on forming. You agreed because he was persistent and you didn’t want to continue studying accounting to work a 9-5 job in a boring office cubicle. 

Oh how things turned out. We barely rise in streams, our downloads aren’t doing too well either. Of course, you had your hardcore fans that have stuck with you through these years, but even they could do only so much. Admittedly, your band was lacking in creativity with the music--you’ve stuck with the same concept and haven’t released anything different. You’d describe Silver Lining’s music to fall similar to bands like 5 Seconds of Summer during their Don’t Stop era. Sticking with guitar riffs, hard beats and not much space for your vocals to shine. 

That is, until you had worked on “flower drug”. 

“I mean, I did work on it because I wanted to talk to Ushijima...” You had once told yourself, realizing that the melody of the music was to please the ears of the stoic florist, but you had grown to like this concept. It was refreshing. 

You were hoping that with “flower drug” it would be Silver Lining’s big break. Instead, you needed a break. And Ushijima was going to help you with that. 

-

It was warm. The sun shown brightly, barely any clouds in sight and yet, a cool breeze accompanied the heat. You checked your phone for the umpteenth time since you woke up, seeing that it was still ten minutes before 12, and you were already standing in front of his store. Unsure whether to walk in or not, since you were yet to learn if he was the type to appreciate one for being early or scowl because this wasn’t the time he agreed on, you stood awkwardly outside. 

“Y/N?” Jumping in surprise, you turned around to see none other than Semi standing before you. Still a bit hurt by his words, you glared. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked, your tone involuntarily sharp. 

“I should be asking you the same thing,” he said, despite his words, his tone was soft and almost... scared? Your brows knitted together. “I was going to see Wakatoshi... you?”

Sighing, letting your shoulders relax a bit. “I’m meeting with him as well.”

“Oh? For what?”

“It’s really none of your business,” you couldn’t help but tell him. “I finally have a friend outside of the band.” You didn’t mean to sound so aggressive, and you immediately regretted it by seeing the guilty look that took over his features. 

“Look, I’m really sorry for the things I said,” he began, “I know I was being butt-hurt for absolutely no reason, and you were just trying to help out the band... I was just being too sensitive.”

“I was being sensitive, too,” you muttered, but he didn’t hear. 

He continued, “Will you forgive me? And... come back to the band?” 

A small smile adorned your lips. “I will forgive you... And I will come back,” you assured him, his eyes shined with hope, “but not now...” He frowned right after the words left your mouth, eyes casted down. “I just need some time for myself.”

“I understand,” he nodded, sending you a reassuring smile, although his eyes showed immense regret. “We’ll wait for you.” You both shared a smile, approaching one another. 

“Y/N? Semi?” The both of you paused, arms stretched out for a hug, and heads slowly turned to see Ushijima standing by the doorway of his store in confusion. 

Both your arms went down immediately, Semi reaching to scratch the back of his neck. 

“Hello,” you greeted at the same time Semi said, “‘Sup.” 

“Hello Y/N,” Ushijima greeted you first, then looked to his silver-haired friend, “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you...” His eyes glanced between the two of you. “... But I see you’re busy, so I’ll just talk to you another time.” Without another word, Semi spun around and speed-walked away. Ushijima could only blink in confusion. 

You cleared your throat to rid of the awkward tension, gaining his attention. “Are you ready to go?” 

He nods once, “Yes. Follow me.”

silver lining | w. ushijima smau

previous | masterlist | next

part twelve

—ecstatic

author's note: thank you so much for 200 followers ^^ i hope y'all enjoy your stay heree!! next will be a written format as well. im finally almost done with my midterms but fck is this semester getting harder 😔😔 please forgive me for my inactiveness..

taglist: @alienvarmint @amberisnotcrazy @naughtylittleweeb @tycrackculture @someone-you-dontknow @iloveyouasmuchaspoohloveshoney @stargirlara @brownsugartease-blog @leviathans-watching @kenjiru @ushiwakaismybae @elianetsantana @kagebunshiin @koushiwrites @jillanaholland @wannakeillmyself @bokuto-buns @smolcactusqwq @ihateccmber @changkyun-not @mischevious-pixie (send an ask if you want to be added)

[casptastrophe]

hey! i’m cas! or vyrion!

you can use vey/vem, voi/void, and they/them for me, but there’s a few more options here.

i reblog whatever i want here, but that typically ends up being mcyt, just roll with it (all campaigns except fated and convergence), and project sekai.

DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NOT FINISHED APOTHEOSIS (ep4) YET PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T SPOIL ANYTHING

i spam reblog things on occasion! not very often, but still. you have been warned.

also my blog is broken so my interactions don't show up in notifs to my knowledge ^_^ idk what to do about it anymore because staff hasn’t responded to me in a few months despite multiple requests so i'm basically hopping ship

[ post updated 1/9/2023]

you can follow my sideblog @jrwimythborne​​​ if you want. i don’t post much there but it’s my actual thoughts and stuff and i get a lot less nervous about making my dumb little posts over there.

i am also on ao3 if you’re interested in some mediocre mcyt fics. i'm planning to write more when i have the time, but for now the account is mostly inactive! please note that all of my fics are currently ao3 user locked. i’ll probably unlock them again in a few months or whenever i remember

i queue almost any and all art i reblog! most other posts are just whenever i’m online.

i’m not super into dsmp anymore (i haven’t watched any lore or cc streams in several months) but i still reblog art from it because the fanart is super cool :3

tags i use:

.good.art : tag for any/all reblogged art!

.kie.talks : original posts! very few and far between.

.advice : advice i find about stuff, mostly how to function properly. (i forget this one a lot.)

rerun : posts i either accidentally or purposely reblog more than once! this does NOT include spam reblogs.

oc tag : self explanatory. might rename this one later.

from the deep dark : posts of mine that i reblog! i use this instead of [self reblog] or any other variants.

i tag any possible triggering content with “[subject] tw” or “[subject] cw”. sometimes both for good measure. if you need me to tag something, let me know!

i use fandom tags whenever i remember! the notable exceptions to this are dream smp and hermitcraft content, and i may forget to tag source materials i am not knowledgeable about, such as ace attorney.

[doudy-reblog]

@staff maybe read this? And everyone else who’d like to be informed about something.

I was making changes on my useful links page with the links to all my blogs. And when I placed the cursor over one of my blogs link, I had a small window appearing as a preview of the blog before clicking on it. And the preview was titled with something like “sex cam” in it. I thought it was hacked and checked. The blog was empty, so I thought it was indeed hacked and that tumblr flagged it.

Then I checked the E-mails related to this blog and saw E-mails from tumblr informing that since the blog wasn’t logged into for a long time, they’d change the blog url to free the original url. And it was done, ok it’s fair, I didn’t check the E-mails for really long.

The only explanation I can find about the url preview with something like “sex cam” in it, is that freeing unused urls helps bots getting those urls to turn them into porn blogs. I figured it’s what happened to my blog, and it ended up flagged by tumblr, which is why it’s empty.

I was already against tumblr freeing unused urls, because being inactive doesn’t mean we don’t want it anymore. And if they give us a different url, what’s the point? It’s just one more unused url. And sure I still got the content in a different url. But the followers might not be aware of it, and check the blog by typing the url instead of going to the list of the blogs they follow, making them land somewhere they didn’t mean to. Plus, risking to see things if bots got the url to do shit. And new tumblr users might not be aware of bots, if they’re young people discovering internet or whatever. Then they might think that the original user of the url is disgusting, despite doing nothing wrong.

Also, tumblr freeing urls reminds me of those joke messages. Yanno, those that say things like “If you don’t send this to at least 15 of your contacts, your account will be deleted. It’s to make sure you still use it.”. This time, the E-mails were from tumblr, which is a sign it’s serious for once, but yeah, reminds me of these disgusting jokes, so one more reason I don’t approve it.

So yeah staff, if informing you about this can help, idk.

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, KAT! You’ve been accepted for the role of OTHELLO. Admin Rosey: So, one thing that’s really difficult to highlight without overemphasizing is Othello’s dichotomy and his constant conflict. Sometimes you can focus so wholly on one aspect of a character that it’s overwhelming. But Kat, you write Odin so effortlessly, so FREAKING effortlessly that you capture it throughout the application as an integral part of his character -- interweaving it into the plot, the sample, even the “what drew you to this character” section. I am completely blown away and utterly terrified of what havoc you’re going to wreak on the dash. I am screaming over this application and I always will, time and time again. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Kat Age | 25 Preferred Pronouns | She/her Activity Level | OK so my classes went online and my job has cut staff in half so I have so much free time and so much muse. Listen…. LISTEN I know I’m not always reliable but it’s game time lemme say like at least twice a week, I’m here for the haul let’s write baby!!!!!!!!!!! Timezone | EST How did you find the rp? | I originally came across it in the lsrpg tag, also my girl Taryn recommended it and also I miss y’all :( Current/Past RP Accounts | These are links to inactive past accounts:

https://neosy.tumblr.com/ https://grchcmisms.tumblr.com/ https://99gael.tumblr.com/ https://halogenq.tumblr.com/ https://odinbellc.tumblr.com/ ;) https://pavellam.tumblr.com/

IN CHARACTER

Character | Othello, Odin Bello – requesting faceclaim change to Trevante Rhodes :^) What drew you to this character? |

Through my first experience writing Odin I learned a lot about both him and myself as a writer. He was initially a challenge for me because at my roots I was never someone successful in writing characters with good intent, the easier side of him being the one of violence and chaos, something that was difficult considering more often than not… that isn’t who Odin is, or more fittingly, who he wants to be. I struggled with his daily life, the man he tries so hard to be and who he’s used to becoming over the years and I realized that was the key in; the struggle. I’ve teetered around writing for a while recently, the desire and the muse not being there for me when I remembered my dear, dear, Odin and for a split second I wondered about him. Such an interesting thing, to wonder about a character, to dive deep into your mind’s eye and ask, “How is he doing, I wonder? The man of gold and copper, the being of olympus and hades? How is my boy?” And realizing the responsibility of creating and finding that out is all mine. It felt like seeing a past lover in the check out line, wide eyes as you remember the missed calls and blocked number, and realize how fuckin’ good they look today and, damn, were stupid for leaving them.

Dearest Odin, please take me back. I miss you so dearly. I’ll try hard not to leave you so suddenly this time, that was my bad.

Who am I to fool myself? My heart always brings me back to him. Feed me an optimist with nothing but a history of failure, rocks beating down on a pristine marble surface til the cracks spell misery. It’s all his fault, the pain, suffering, and failure… but he tries so hard. It’s as if he’s doomed from the beginning, the first cries from his mouth as a child, a bad omen, the first steps he takes, the small tottering of a baby, were faced in the wrong direction. Some people are born bad, some people are cultivated as such, and Odin, at his root, is a demon in disguise even despite his most valiant efforts; it’s a nature he fights everyday and, oh, the battle grows bloodier and bloodier.

The rest may look familiar to you:

I’ve always been a sucker for a good heart and bruised knuckles.

Such beauty and chaos, such destruction and uncertainty, an aching heart that slips through your fingers as you struggle to grasp it, begging it to hold still. He shakes and struggles with nature and nurture, who he should be and who he wants to be, and more importantly, what he’s become. He feels the remorse and pain of it everyday when he wakes and each night he goes to sleep – for a time he managed to be the person he worked so hard to be. It crumbled under his feet and his developing insanity, the rumble of his father’s ways breaking the ground under his skin and causing something of a snap, a moment of true obscurity. He hates himself for it, but he cannot yet again break his mold, he cannot become someone else. His will is cracking, his heart breaking.

Give me his nuance, give me his pain, give me his turmoil, and oh, please, give me his struggle; the desperate gasp of collapsed lungs and a tattered chest. I cannot stress how beautiful I find him, the feeling in my ribcage so solemn at his childhood and forthcoming, his painful attributes and breaking spirit. A man who shows his kindness through terror and bloodshed, so intent on being a good person that he’d tear the throat of a thief with his teeth.

Yes, I’ve found love.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | Where do you see this character developing, and what kind of actions would you have them take to get there? 3 future plot ideas would be preferable.

(I have new ideas but lord, do I struggle with formulating plot ideas in this format so I’m just gunna keep the same ones because of such and because I DO in fact still want to play them out.)

MEN SHOULD BE WHAT THEY SEEM //

Oh, can the flash of his teeth brighten a room. His smile is bright but, these days, so rarely genuine. He no longer knows who he is truly fighting for, what side of the coin he lays on with his copper spinning on its side in a never ending spiral. He does not know where he belongs, nor, who he truly is and it plagues him in a way that’s all too familiar, a way that feels like his mother’s comfort and his father’s recklessness, the smell of alcohol on someone’s tongue when they speak and the feeling of a caress on skin. He needs to make a choice, a permanent decision for once in his life, pick his path and follow it to the end instead of cutting through the woods once more. Who are you, Odin? His own face in the mirror becoming more unfamiliar in each passing day, a building anxiety and insanity, a hurricane creating a disaster inside him. Who are you?

His reflection tired, tainting his handsome face and false expressions, a hunger growing just under the surface, a desperation so hot; who will you be?

FOR SHE HAD EYES AND CHOSE ME //

Delilah, oh, how she filled something inside of him, and oh, how he tore into the filled space as if rabid, as if being whole was too much to bear, the filled space too heavy, and the paranoia of losing it all creasing his forehead and melting in his palms.

So he did what he does best, and he ripped through the plaster and insulation like a hammer, shattered the glass and caused the empty space to bleed. It hasn’t stopped aching, despite his insistence that it has healed, sometimes he still wakes with his shirt soaked in blood, drenched in suffering. How can he learn to forgive? He learned his lessons but the morals cannot seem to stick, the weakness he caused in his own self and the horror he caused for the woman he loved – loves, still finding its way through his mind and heart. He seeks self forgiveness just as much if not more than he seeks hers. He cannot move on without finding solace or closure but those are two things so hard to capture and accept. Sometimes, he feels so much like his father with his past misgivings it stirs disgust.

It’s time to repent.

THE GREEN EYED MONSTER //

Ivan is a scab, an infection that Odin refuses to treat. He’s become cautious, wearily aware of betrayal in the past and more on the horizon. He has a feeling, a ponderance that keeps him up at night, the sends shocks through his veins. He hates to think of his friend, his family, as a traitor, as a monster in disguise seeking to antagonize the worst parts of Odin himself, but it’s becoming harder and harder to ignore. It scrapes the back of his mind, creates an itch that he cannot scratch no matter how deep he digs, no matter if the skin starts bleeding, it won’t go away. How does he cut out another piece of his life, another piece of himself so vital? It feels like he is losing those most important to him, that they’re all turning on him and it creates nothing but fear, more paranoia and uncertainty.

He wants so desperately to be wrong, but knows what will happen if he is not.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | If anyone deserves to die at some point in this rp I feel like Odin’s a good contender to get fuckin’ GANKED

IN DEPTH

Please choose between the interview or the para sample (or both, if you like!)

In-Character Para Sample:

Act I

The sun beats down on darkened skin, wind blowing through open cruiser windows, sunglasses adorned on his face and a holder keeps track of coffees. In the daylight he glistens – not in a literal sense of glowing skin and eyes, he does not hover over the earth as if ethereal, not a streak against the sky that blinds any human eyes that dare linger, but instead in the sense that no one could ever find the man to be anything but happy. His teeth, those straight, white, teeth that come alive in a smile and clear rooms with a sneer peek from behind pulled lips in a grin. He walks with a swagger, bearing gifts in coffee for other officers and sharp humor and barked laughs for poor moods. He so easily falls into the facade of being created from nothing but light and the body of Christ, a saint in all regards except moral, light jests greeting all who perceive him and all who engage.

Well groomed, upkept and clean, there was no reason to suspect anything was amiss in the crook of his grins, the sharp of his wit, the movements of his muscles under skin. He even makes arrests like a holy man, like someone with something to lose to violence. His hands rest on the steering wheel, music plays from the stereo and he nods his head, every other line finding its way out of his lips even in no one’s presence but his own. He isn’t playing a character in the moment, enjoying the everydayness of the outside world, the warmth of the air touching his limbs and being sucked into his lungs. He feels joy, he embodies it, he hovers with it. His foot eases off the gas at the turn of a light and one hand finds itself resting outside the drivers window, head cocked to the side, heart beating steadily in his chest – firm and ever present in the strength of his pulse.

A human being in all forms; a person, a person, a person, and his phone rings.

Pulling in the parking lot he answers the call, the perspective outside leaves the voice on the other end muffled as it’s pressed to his ear, his face falling ever so slightly, car pushed into park. He nods even though the speaker cannot see him, he makes a sound of understanding as they continue and suddenly something is more solid inside of him. The fluidity, the liquid that flowed between sunlight and good music steels itself against the reality of his life, of who he is and what he is to do, the lake jostled and good-feelings distorted. It’s not for the faint of heart, not created for those with poor constitution, and he is a police officer until ten tonight; that’s what he says to the voice on the other end so they tell him to have it done by eleven. He does not hesitate until he hangs up, a sigh of the last good breath leaving his lungs. A moment of silence for what he lost.

He grabs the coffees and heads inside.

Act II

The headlights send streaks through the night, the yellow color sending shadows running rampant across the near empty field – long and sickly. The air is not still but choked, a vice grip stealing the oxygen away from those who dared attempt breathing. There stood a figure in the darkness, large shoulders over a larger frame, muscles tightened as he digs and digs, the shovel breaking the earth harshly with each bend of his arms. His breathing is rough, like a rubber band pulled to full capacity trying to bend and break to fit the expansion of his lungs. The shovel carries on.

The silence that hung heavy around the lone sound of crumbling dirt could kill in its own regard; ringing in his ears as he ignores the shower curtain wrapped in duct tape buried in the back corners of his trunk. Odin’s mind is empty to everything but the task, split skin and dried blood from his face and knuckles, the bruises adorning his ribcage. Perhaps it was self defense for the sake of defense, he threw the first punch but it was returned just as well and by then, truly, the control was lost. It was what they had wanted to happen, and he was nothing if not complicit. He supposed that was what they liked about him, another body, a bloodhound. Caving for the sake of therapy, sober by daylight and drenched in sweat and blood by nighttime –  if only to keep his sanity. He was nothing if not built of power and control in both physical and mental regards over everyone but himself.

Try to carve a better god out of wood, put him on a pedestal and pray all you’d like, the real sacrifice will come in blood much later – but this flesh and bone, that which has created the man who finds himself up to his chest in dirt standing at over six feet, he is paid now and up front. He is solid, and real.

He straightens up, dirt caked to his jeans and soiled t-shirt, sweat broken across his skin making him shine under the glare of the headlight, the sheen making him appear as if glowing under the half exposed moon. He plants his hands on the outside on the deepened earth and pulls himself out, breathing hard through his nose, a noise like a grunt, face twisted, teeth appearing behind pulled lips. He stares at the dip of the trunk, chest moving, knuckles tightening, shovel thrown to the side. He isn’t even halfway done yet; he gathers himself, and pulls the latch free.

Act III

(TW: self harm kind of)

The neighborhood is still and quiet, blackness behind every window and curtain at such an ungodly hour, the only sounds being the low rumble of the occasional car passing on the main road nearby. In the stillness there begins a movement, the shape of a tall man shaking open the gate leading to the back of a house, his clothes defiled and leaving trails. He strips in the backyard of the home; shoes, socks, shirt, and jeans forming a pile of mud and dirt by the sliding glass doors until he stands in his boxers, fingers unlocking the back door, the cold of the night wetting trails down his back and sides, whispering to his skin. He walks slowly to avoid making any noise, the sound of keys hitting the granite of a kitchen countertop. Even despite how delicately he walks, the mass of his body makes the stairs protest lowly when his feet find them.

The man first goes to the bathroom, the light flicked on as he tries to avoid his face in the mirror. He is not the same creature that caused the blood to pool in his wounds, not the same monster with dirt caked under his nails – not here, he can’t be; not in front of her. He turns on the shower, body directed towards a corner of the bathroom while he waits for the water to heat, staring blankly at the space where the two walls meet, hands twitching, brain fighting not to think, the sound of static until smoke fills the room. The adrenaline still pumps through his veins, the wild-eyed insanity created by anger and a lack of self control, the rush of the final blow still stinging in the shaking of his muscles. The water turns first brown from the dirt adorning his limbs, then becoming a far more sinister red when he submerges his face and hands, he washes himself slowly, rubbing at his back and shoulders, the sweat off of his skin, the searing pain of smoking water near boiling scalding the back of his neck. He doesn’t allow himself to think, not now, not yet. He doesn’t hum or sing, doesn’t talk to himself, but instead thinks only of his actions as they happen or nothing at all.

He doesn’t know how long he stands under the water, so hot it scalds, burns off the sin and the disgust, scrubbing and scrubbing until he could feel himself beginning to cause harm, wounding, convincing himself he’s becoming clean until he forces his hand, stopping the running water. He stands even longer still, his wet skin freezing over in the silence of the steamed room. Finally when he finds himself ready, he dries off until he feels pristine, the wash of the shower head like a baptism into the form of a different man, a new mold built into his model. Only then does he look in the mirror, eyes meeting the reflection of a handsome man, a cursed man, a martyr only in the sense of self respect and fear. His eyes are tired, his face adorning new cuts and scratches, bruises blooming his sides under skin and over muscle. He aches all over. He bares his teeth at the reflection and it does it right back, a snarl of bright white, the bones straight and sharp, and his eyes so quickly become frightening. He turns away.

Odin’s face peers around the door of a new room, hands finding covers and the soft sound of a woman waking. She turns to him, her face telling of sleep and her lips turned slightly down in a frown, her hands finding his chest, wrapping around his torso, her face in his neck, breath fanning over that damn skin of his and she says, “Long night?”

His fingers trail down the back of her shirt, fingertips pressing to the small of her exposed back stretched between her clothes and he hums quietly, face buried in her hair, body melting and moving to fit hers more comfortably, grip tight to squeeze her form, to hold onto something solid, to find his anchor. “Always, baby. Go back to sleep.” He says in a low voice, something comfortable, something familiar there, as if he’s smiling. She makes a noise of acceptance, curling even further towards him, as if a safety, sinking even further as his fingers trail up and down her back, soothing, as to not allow her to be distraught. Delilah was always the one he worried about, not concerning himself with the rotting inside his own chest, the ache of something breaking within him. He fights with the inability to sleep while the rush of the night still feeds inside of him. He does not concern himself with what little is left of him because while he is with her he is safe from the part of himself that only consumes, he is not concerned with the fragility of his own being, not while he breathes in the heat radiating off of l'amore della sua vita.

Meanwhile, miles and miles away, something begins to rot under the cover of freshly turned Earth.

Extras: I made a tag for him a long time ago and haven’t touched it much since tbh but like I'ma probably add stuff the next few days so this 4 u: https://hypnosreigns.tumblr.com/tagged/character:%20odin%20bello

[justfandomwritings]

Hey, I was just wondering if you will be continuing the magneto fic? I understand if you aren’t going to. But I was just wondering with all the stuff that happened around it.

I frequently get upset with readers over the lack of support shown to myself and other writers on this website. Often times, I share posts which express that discontent, and frequently I add my voice to those posts in ways that I feel contribute to the discussion and show readers how harmful that lack of support can be to writers mentally and emotionally. Sometimes, I am even the creator of these posts, particularly when I come upon readers who do not comment/reblog yet still ask me when I will update, tell me to add them to my taglists, or even in some cases act as though they are entitled to the next chapter of a story. Occasionally, when I can be certain that an anon is involved in the general lack of support shown to authors or if I am aware of a specific incident, I don’t bother with the time it takes to entertain whatever compliment is being thrown my way by someone who isn’t willing to publicly comment or give credit where it’s due to the work they enjoyed. 

That agitation is, I feel understandably, compounded after I lose friends to the kind of behavior and entitlement frequently exhibited by some readers of fanfiction on this website. In recent days, weeks, and months, I have been forced to watch a number of my dearest friends give up on tumblr or give up on writing entirely either because the lack of support was just too disheartening to bother with or because, despite my protests, they had been led by readers’ consumption without credit to believe they were not talented enough to warrant reading. 

And while people who’ve been around my blog for a long time will remember the days I was an apologist for readers and defended their inaction and gave them the benefit of the doubt, age has made me a wiser individual, and I no longer make excuses for that behavior. 

The specific incident you’re referring to was between myself and two anons after I posted my Magneto fic. 

I have had multiple fics in a row at this point which I was hoping to continue perform incredibly poorly compared to past fics I have posted in those fandoms and generally in comparison to the number of followers I have in those fandoms. As I’ve always said, I write for me but I post for you guys. So, I’ve finished writing them because I enjoy writing, but I haven’t taken the time to format and post them because I don’t want to waste my time on that sort of thing. 

I followed those up with a Magneto fic; I had put out a call a few months ago for Magneto requests and got a rash of responses, so in general it was something I felt fine about. 

The first anon sent me an excited compliment about how they could not wait for part two and genuinely enjoyed part one. At the time, that Magneto fic had been up for several hours and only had 6 notes, all of which were likes. This assured me that that anon had not reblogged my post despite seemingly enjoying it. 

To which, I responded pointing out this discrepancy. I didn’t intend that to be a targeted attack at that person, more a PSA that “Hey, sending asks anonymously on my blog where people will already see the fic does nothing to actually give me credit for this thing you got for free and enjoyed.” 

Clearly, to that individual, my message did not come across that way, because that person came off anon to inform me that they had only found my blog that day and because of that Magneto fic and I believe the quote was, “I guess you don’t want a follow then.” 

While I generally don’t think that being new to a blog is an excuse that gets you out of supporting an author, especially if you feel a fic was worthy of following said author, I can see how, if they felt attacked by my post, that person wouldn’t have done so after. 

I take full responsibility if my post came off rude, and I did attempt to explain the situation to that individual when they messaged me off anon. Given that they have not responded to it, I cannot be sure if said explanation was sufficient or forgiven. What I can tell you is that that person is still following me and did not reblog the Magneto fic before or after I posted a response to their message. It’s all fair in my book.

What’s not fair, is the second anon who injected themselves into the situation. I am assuming that the hateful third ask was not from the same individual as the first two, because no one in their right mind would respond to an open explanation of the situation by turning around and vehemently attacking a person, that’s crazy. So I am begging the question of who the second individual is if they felt entitled to butt in to a conversation they were not part of and were aware the original anon was agitated by my response.

“Clearly the only thing that matters to you is numbers and since that one doc didn’t get a satisfactory number you should just delete your whole blog because you don’t deserve followers if you treat them like that. So how does zero followers sound?“

A) The only thing that matters to me is that fic authors, whether that be myself or my friends, do not lose their passion for writing because of the behavior of others. I assure you my posts do not generally get enough support for me to base my contentment on notes. I doubt any author’s posts get enough notes to base their contentment off of them. 

B) Regarding how I treat my followers, maybe my message to the first anon could have been misconstrued as rude, but it was by no means abusive towards that individual, which this anon is being.

C) Even if numbers were all that mattered to me, why does that matter to you? Why does what I value give anyone the right to take advantage of my hard work and effort? If an author only cared about notes, how would that excuse anyone from giving credit to an author who put blood, sweat, and tears into creating free content for you. 

Readers often use this defense for their behavior, and frankly it’s pathetic, moronic, and downright insulting. “Oh God, you only care about the notes.” No, no author cares about the notes. Notes don’t matter at all, but what they represent does matter. What authors care about is being appreciated for the hard work they’ve put in for you, and notes are how you show that appreciation on tumblr, and reblogs are how you give credit to that author for the FREE entertainment you received. 

D) I don’t think most readers realize how much hate writers get. We get hate from the rest of the world, from people who don’t like fanfiction, from people who don’t understand fanfiction, fro other writers, from other fandoms, from readers who don’t like our writing, from readers who don’t like our plot, from readers who don’t like our character choices. We are baraged with so much hate when all we’re doing is something we love, and we’re doing it for free for other people to enjoy. If I could go back to zero followers without losing all the rest of the work I’ve put into this blog over half of a decade, then I would take it in a heartbeat because with followers come people like this and buckets and buckets of hate. 

E) I’ve seen this wording before in messages, and it does make me wonder if it’s the same anon. 

Ages ago now (or it feels like ages ago, because after lots of work I managed to let that one go), I got almost word for word the exact same message except with the words “kill yourself” replacing “delete your whole blog”. 

Whether this anon is that same individual or not, I cannot be sure as tumblr no longer allows you to block anons to my knowledge. What I can be sure of is that if your message reminds someone of a time they were told to commit suicide, you’re probably in the wrong. 

...

All of that said, I don’t hold any ill will towards the individual who came off anon and spoke with me. While I still disagree with not supporting writers, that blog is just one of many who didn’t reblog but enjoyed it. 

The second anon and I have issues, and normally I would cut my losses, delete my replies to their post, and delete the fic. But this time I’m not going to do that. In part, because this individual’s logic is so far afield, I think they’re crazy. In part, because that anon made an issue of my response to something and not the fanfiction itself. In part, because I’m actually holding out hope that person will come off anon and talk to me like the first one did. 

But largely because I have let readers and followers make demands of me, trounce over me, push me around, make me feel guilty about nothing, and generally treat me like garbage for so long that I just can’t do that anymore. I don’t think I could keep writing if I let one more person walk over me like a door mat. I’ve been writing on here or other sites for a decade now. I’ve had my fill of being the spineless, non-confrontational, non-controversial, supportive blog. 

So the fic stays up. Whether I finish it on tumblr or not remains to be seen. But even if it’s not posted here, it will be finished on AO3 (It is there under the same title and the same account name. I will let everyone here know if I make the decision to only upload it there.)

Thank you very much for asking. That was probably a much longer response than you thought you were in for, so I’m sorry about that. I just thought I’d take the opportunity to explain.

Hope you have a lovely day my dear! 

[garfieldexplained]

Daily-Garfield

Hey folks, So unfortunately It turns out that one of the mods of @daily-garfield got their account terminated, despite not posting NSFW, by the all powerful Censorship Bot. This caused a chain reaction that wiped out a bunch of other blogs that they were attached to, including Daily-Garfield. Despite being a mod for the Daily-Garfield discord, I was not tied directly to DailyGarf through moderator privileges, so my accounts were spared. They are working to get this resolved and to get all for the accounts affected restored. UPDATE: They managed to get DailyGarf back in searches, but no one can access it because their mains are still all banned. In the meanwhile, I am going to use the fact that my account is still here to share with you all their social media accounts. You can use them to get live updates on the status of DailyGarf, or just give them a follow if you wanna keep in touch the excellent minds behind Daily-Garfield. You can also follow me on this blog if you want updates, or @masterbananacat on Twitter. Thank you and wish them luck in getting Daily-Garfield and their accounts back!

Strikeout Accounts are accounts that are currently inactive due to the blog wipe. They will likely use them again if restored. Blogs in Italics are art blogs.

ZEN

Tumblr: @daily-garfield, @zbgf Twitter:  @zenbgf

MARCIE

Tumblr: @icetype, @lichenprincess​, @midnight-mused​,  @lichenduchess Twitter:  @lichenprincess 

JEAN

Tumblr: @paper-backstab, @paper-cutie, @papercutie Twitter:  @paper_backstab 

BEN

Tumblr: @xiss0r  Twitter: @Xissor 

[fallxnprxnce]

PSA: Activity Update & Future of This Blog

{out of exile} *folds hands on desk and looks at camera* Alright. Let’s talk frankly about my rather long-term inactivity on this blog. I am still alive, heh, and I want to just explain a few things so everyone knows where I’m at with this blog.

I hope I still have some followers on here still and I apologize for the complete lack of activity on here in the past several months. I know you have heard this all before, and the truth is that I did not want to let go of Nuada as a muse despite not having much inspiration to write him lately. I still am not shutting down this blog (I can’t, it’s my main on this account and all other rp blogs of mine are sides of this one, heh), but I will need to do things differently going forward. I should have put this blog on hiatus but I honestly didn’t think I would be this inactive and for this long, so I dropped the ball on that. I am very sorry.

First of all, my inactivity has been largely due to these three reasons:

I have a lack of muse for Nuada. It has been a while since I had have muse for him, but I think I might know a big reason why. I will explain more in my plans for this blog once I explain the other two reasons for my inactivity.

I have overwhelming Marvel muse instead. I have three Marvel rp blogs now after getting caught up on a lot of the movies, and I am really enjoying a lot of muse, creativity, and just general love of writing them. I am active daily on @thiscrimsonsoul​ (Wanda Maximoff) and @fasterthanmydemons​ (Pietro Maximoff), and am active semi-daily on @notbigondoors​ (Vision). If you want to rp with me, interact via asks, send in memes, ask about headcanons, and all that fun stuff I used to do on this blog, heh, I am very responsive over on those blogs. That’s where the bulk of my roleplaying on Tumblr has been since around May. So feel free to interact with me and my muses over on those blogs if you like Marvel or have a Marvel muse!

Work being unexpectedly challenging this past summer and right now. For those who don’t know, I teach online environmental science classes for a university. Usually my summer classes are low key, easy, quiet, a breeze. This summer... was horrible. The students really did nothing they were supposed to do, there were so many technical issues, it was a mess. Then, as of the beginning of September, we switched online platforms for the class, so I have had to completely re-learn a lot of things that were second nature to me and that I used to be able to do very quickly. The result is that this has seriously eaten into my free time in an unanticipated way. So I am sorry that I promised more activity over the summer, but it just didn’t happen. And right now, work is kindof kicking my ass, heh.

Alright, so that’s why this blog has been pretty dead lately. Now let’s talk about where we go from here. If I do still have anyone following me that loves Nuada, still wants to interact, and is not totally furious with me for my low activity and poor time management with this blog, I do still want to keep this blog going. However, one of the reasons I think my muse for him is suffering is because this blog is kindof a mess. Specifically, my threads and drafts. I have 96 drafts for Nuada, and most of them are not pictures and memes, they’re threads. So many of these threads are with people who have deactivate, changed their blogs, no longer want to rp, or maybe some who do, but the threads are so old that at this point going back to them is such a daunting task. It’s a mental block for me that is really holding me back.

I cannot scrape this blog and make another because, as I said up there, this is my main on this account. But I think giving it an aesthetic overhaul will help... and the other thing that I know will help is starting from scratch with threads. I have hesitated to do this for so long because I thought it would really upset people, but I think I need to do it to clear my head, and at this point my inactivity has probably infuriated so many of you that I am not sure how many rp partners I even still have on here. So I think it’s time to do it. Therefore, I am officially announcing that I will be clearing out Nuada’s drafts with intent to start new ones with everyone. If there are any threads that anyone is absolutely in love with or threads that have been started more recently that didn’t get beyond an introduction stage, message me and maybe we can keep a couple of those, but for the most part, everything is getting nixed. I want a fresh start. =) I will be revamping the blog right after I finish a little project I’m now going to talk more about, because I’m sure some of you are reading to hear about that... 

Okay... almost done with this long post, heh. The other thing you are all probably wonder about: The “Nuada in Silent Hill” fanfic I was writing... Is that still a thing? Is it still going to happen? Yes, and yes. I will be honest, I did not have much time to work on it over the entire summer. I did here and there, but I just didn’t have the time. However, having said that, it is almost finished. I am up to the ending and I want to have it done soon. After that I will just need some time to read for typos, continuity, all that good stuff, and then I can start posting it in various places. So yes, it is still happening, and we’re getting close, people, I promise. XD I really like the way it’s turning out, and I hope you will like it too when you read it. I still have that post where I asked everyone to like it if they wanted to be notified when the fanfic was posted, but since it’s been a while, if you want to go ahead and like this post as well if you are interested in a notification, feel free to do so. I am compiling a master list of people to notify when I get it posted.

If you have any questions about anything, you want to contact me about any of our threads to save, or you have any other comments, concerns, or suggestions, I am here. =) Hit my Marvel blogs up in the meantime, though, because like I said, I am active daily on most of those.

Love you guys! Happy rping! =D

[millerbenny-moved]

i’m moving blogs (again)

hello everyone! i almost didn’t make this post and just told some close mutuals, but decided to make it anyway, but make some specifications about the whole thing. as a lot of you know, i moved blogs about a year ago. my blog was messy, i had a ton of inactive followers, and just wanted a fresh start. and as some of you also know, i used to be a (mainly) marvel blog. i had my hyperfixations when it came to the content i made, but most stuff i reblogged was centered around the mcu. however, i fell out of that fandom and switched over to dc, where i’ve been for quite awhile now. i’ve been a lot happier with my focus there!

since this pretty major switch in content, i haven’t been finding myself reblogging as much stuff i see on my dash as i used to, since i follow so many marvel centered blogs still. most of them are old mutuals of mine and we still follow each other despite not talking or blogging about similar stuff. and a lot of blogs i have no idea what they post/who are they anymore so going through my following list and just unfollowing people wasn’t helping. so i’m just remaking. starting over.

i would like to state that if you do not want to follow me on my new blog because i post stuff you’re not into, that’s 100% absolutely fine! i really do not care if you choose to not continue to follow me on my new account. i know a lot of the time, when you’re mutuals with someone, you feel like you need to just keep following that person (i mean i still follow some of you because you haven’t done anything really to make me want to unfollow you, despite content differences! so i totally get it) i love you all and enjoyed you all on my dash while i was still into those other fandoms. but i seriously understand if you don’t follow my new blog. i really don’t want you to if you’re getting nothing out of it.

that being said, if you followed me for queen/borhap, you can find all that content on my sideblog @smilingroger and if you enjoy my photoshop tutorials, my ps sideblog is @psheroine and from now on all tutorials will be over there!

i just finished moving all my original content to my new blog, so i’ll be starting to follow people over there and blog on my new account @detectivegordons. it’s still a bit under construction bc i need to set up a new tags page and etc, but yeah!

i won’t be deleting this blog for now: i’m still trying to figure out what to do with my ps tutorials on here, since the read more won’t work if i delete. 

thank you all for reading this and thank you to all the marvel centered blogs i’ve been following for?? over a year?? for being so wonderful when i was still in love with the fandom xx

[kewltie]

Somehow, in the last couple of weeks I got a slew of new people coming to my blog and hit 1k followers（○□○）. I’m beyond shocked. Like, I’m pretty sure 90% of you are bots or inactives but to those that are breathing: hello, and thanks for sticking with me! I’m stoke and humbled by your presence especially those that been with me for so long now. I may not know you personally but you know me. Maybe not very well since I’m intensely private and all I do is ramble about my accursed writing habits lmao but!!!! You’re here anyway despite everything and I’m very grateful for your constant support. 

So to welcome to new people and because I don’t I ever did any introduction post before. 

Hello, I’m kewltie. QT. Trina. That girl who keep starting shit and never finishing it a;sjdf;alsjdf;alsjdfa. I’M TRYING. Anyway, here are a few notable things about me and this blog in case you wanna make sure this is someone you wanna, ya know, stick around: 

this is my writing blog. so all you’ll see are huge block of texts from either teasers of stuff im currently working or random pieces that im in the mood for but mostly it’s just me complaining about writing sobs. 

i’m in my mid 20s and have been in fandom since i was like preteen. LJ-era, so yea im a fandom oldie. over a decade of experience here. 

since i have been through several fandom purges bc of ya know censored ship ://///  im very much YKINMK aka Your Kink Is Not My Kink but your kink is okay!!! i dont care for your problematic kinks or ships bc i have my own so yea im cool with you if you are cool with me. 

i live in socal so i come off as US-centric sometimes but im vietnamese. 

bnha is the fandom im writing and most active in but im in like a gazillion fandom. a hyperbole but kinda true?? supernatural, hannibal, voltron, harry potter, 1D, kpop, marvel, sherlock, etc. but you won’t see any of those fandom post here since i only write for ONE fandom at a time bc i cant focus on anything else /o\ lol. 

i swear a lot. like, A LOT. regularly, religiously like every twenty words out of my mouth is a fuck you. it doesn’t mean anything honestly. i just do it when im being overly emotional so when im exicited, upset, sad, etc. 

im overly emotional and sensitive w/ a truck load of anxiety and crippling self esteem.... so i dont do well interacting w/ people. mostly. i try tho!!!!! i mainly just keep to myself and stay in my corner of the fandom. i dont care for fandom drama or anything like that. i just want to read and write in peace. kthx. 

when i make a post on here it’ll mostly be in lowercase, mostly in caps, abuse the word like, and use a lot of exclamation point like 90% of the time. 

i identified as queer. and maybe demisexual/grey-ace??? idk sexuality is confusing and im still figuring it all out but i know at least im comfortable with the label queer. 

i dont write smut for personal reason. maybe one day in the future but its’ not for me right now. dont have a problem reading it but writing is impossible for me. 

i dabbled in all genres. i dont really have a specific genre/niceh i personally enjoy more than the rest or specialized in. i love fantasy, scifi, horror, romance, kinks etc etc. so you’ll find me producing just about anything. you may get trash rom com one day, epic space opera the next, fantastical tales of gods and magic after that, some dark twisted shit later, and anything really when the mood strike me. 

i write for MYSELF. everything i ever produce is bc i wanted it so i did it. so if a fic idea is terrible is only bc I HAVE TERRIBLE TASTES. 

im a very whimsical writer. i write demanding largely on my mood and whatever strike my fancy so it’s all RANDOM which also mean i procrastinate and have a long list of WIPs. i never run out of ideas so that’s the big problem sobs. 

im a voracious reader. if i have to chose b/t writing or reading, it would be reading EVERYTIME YOU ASK ME. i have a semi-secret ao3 reading account with 1k+ bookmarks across various fandoms. it’s my pride and joy!!!!!!!!!!! i love reading fanfic so much T_____T. 

i am a media junkie. i love reading comics (manhwa, manga, webtoons, manhua, etc), watch kdrama/cdramas, love nature/space docu series, tv-shows, etc etc so that leak a lot into my writing. whatever im reading/watching can have influence my reading like wanting to write a gazillion palace aus bc i can’t stop burning through chinese palace/harem dramas. 

i may not be good w/ people but i hope i come off as easy and chill bc i really am!!!! honestly im more afraid of you than you are of me so uh, hi and you’re rad and thanks so much for following me even though i dont think im worth your time lmao /o\. I DONT WANT TO DISAPPOINT YOU BUT I KNOW I WILL. uh, like i said paper thin self esteem.

[rkxren-a]

ユーザー: kirakira_ren 公開済み: 2019-09-20 タイトル: History Maker  ( レン の カバー)

It had been years since he had uploaded anything to niconico, not since before he’d been sent to prison. In all honesty, Minki was a little wary about reappearing on the platform again. He’d had a moderate following back in his ‘fashion blogging’ days and he wouldn’t be shocked to find out that the syndicate would have probably have had a dummy account to follow him with.

But of course, that would mean he would have had to have been seen as important by them. And Minki would bet his new camera that they’d done their best to try and ignore his existence even before his imprisonment.

In any case, he couldn’t live in fear of them any longer. Youngjae had moved on, why shouldn’t he?

Adjusting the webcamera settings on his laptop, Minki glanced towards the door to double check that it’s actually locked this time. As much as he loved his Mina, he would like to able to record this without interruptions, especially after being away from the platform for so long.  A moment to confirm the coast was clear and Minki nodded to himself, swallowing down his nerves and hitting ‘begin recording’ on the on-screen interface. A moment’s pause and Minki shoots the camera a sunny smile and wave.

“Everyone, hello~” he trilled at the camera, instantly reverting back to his mother tongue of Japanese. “It’s me, Ren! Hehehe, I look different, don’t I? It’s been a long time, I’m shocked I still have subscribers here! Thank you for having faith in me after all this!” He bowed to the camera, genuinely thankful for the people who’d still watched over him despite his absence.

He wasn’t going to think about how many of those accounts might also have inactive users by now.

“Ah... A lot of things happened since I was last here..” he began a little awkwardly. “I’m sure I worried people when I disappeared without warning, but everything is fine now! In any case, I live in Korea these days. I had a hard time at first, but now that I’m settled in, I’ll be back here more often! I missing discussing fashion with everyone!”

He shot the camera a conspiratorial grin.

“But, I’m afraid I won’t be doing that today! I was dared to put up a song cover after I was overheard singing in the shower..” he trailed off with an embarrassed laugh, scratching his cheek a little.

“I think the person who dared me to sing is lying about my abilities, I can’t be as good as they say! But I’ll let you guys be the judge!”

He readjusted the mic on his headset, giving a nod.

“I’ll be covering Dean Fujioka-san’s ‘History Maker’ today. You guys all remember it from Yuri on ice, don’t you? I need to watch it sometime... My English isn’t the best, but I can’t help but love this song! it’s so inspirational!”

A song that described the hope that even one person could change history, no matter how insignificantly. A song that exhorted you to pursue your dreams, no matter the obstacles in your way; that someday, you would find success.  And that it was never too late to start again.

That was why Minki loved the song so much, even if his English was far from fluent. It was a song whose message was universal, no matter what language it was in. He hoped he could do it the justice it deserved.

“Everyone, I’ll begin now! Please be honest with me! Should I do more covers or just stick to blogging?” Minki joked before switching on the instrumental track and letting himself get swept up in the song.

Can you hear my heartbeat? Tired of feeling never enough I close my eyes and tell myself That my dreams will come true. There'll be no more darkness When you believe in yourself You are unstoppable! Where your destiny lies Dancing on the blades You set my heart on fire! Don't stop us now The moment of truth We were born to make history We'll make it happen! We'll turn it around! Yes, we were born to make history !

It’s not too late. He still has time to make up for the past and leave Mina with a history she can be proud of. And that he can be proud of, too.

(Word Count without lyrics: 646)

[deanseths]

Okay so, I guess it’s time to write this post. Not that many will give a damn about it, but still. I don’t think the announcement of Dean parting from the company is a work: we’ve been watching the show for all this time, and I think we know enough about Jonathan Good to say he can’t be okay with how things went so far. Neither I think his wife would post something like that if it wasn't true. Anyway, only time will tell us.

I’ve literally spent four years of my life in this blog, starting it as an awkward Seth Rollins fangirl to collect his best pics. It helped me to start drawing again after ages of inactivity, it made me want to spam my ugly gifs and edits all over the place, it was the only way I felt free to be an emotional wreck because of Dean and Seth. This ship helped me to go through the hardest and most troublesome time of my life, it was the reason for I stayed for so long despite the ups and downs, and acknowledging the end of that storyline is the main reason for I decided to go. I feel like this place is too tied to the Shield guys, and since the Shield is apparently doomed, I have no more reasons to keep running it.

As I said previously, I’ll keep running this account until Mania, to get updates about the whole Dean thing and see how it will evolve, but this will probably be my last 'active' post unless the plans are changing. I won't delete the blog, I'll put it on hiatus and leave it as an archive for those who want to share my stuff.

I still have one last thing to do though, namely my '30 Days of Ambrollins' challenge, as I had planned some weeks ago. I’m going to queue every post and set the posting every two days more or less, so that it will end around WM time. I want it to be my last contribution to the fandom and a little gift to my friends and all the other shippers out there who shared the pain during these four years.

Idk whether to wish all this Dean thing was true or not. Deep inside I want wwe to tell me C'MON MAN IT'S JUST KAYFABE and change my mind, but the thing I want the most is Jon Good doing what he really loves and being happy, because he deserves it. It's a long way to April, anyway... until then, I'm saying goodbye.

I really want to thank all the people, whether they were close friends, mutuals or followers, who reached me via comments, ask or ims to type some kind words. The most of the messages I got were really touching and made me burst into tears. You were all a blessing to this awkward fangirl, and tbh until today I never thought my bullsh*t could be meaningful to someone. Thank you so much for your support, I really love all the beautiful people I met here.

(On a side note, I'll probably check this account from time to time after WM since I still have my main blog, but just in case you wanted to stay in touch with me in easier ways, you can find me @CeciBeaEle on Twitter and @deanseths on Instagram too)