#(the trick is: never ACTUALLY said it was romantic love. in any of those songs. so. plausible deniability in that i dont have to say what

[doctorwhoisadhd]

hmm. im aromantic in the same way that my dog is a dog

[magickcandie]

John Deacon x Fem!Reader

In the rising fame of Queen, many journalists were often there to talk. More often than naught, the band found themselves repeating things before sending the reporter away. That was until Y/N L/N.

When she was there, she found a way to make herself like able. Speaking about the art of performing with Freddie. Roger’s song writing. Brian’s understanding of writing music. And most of all, she got John to talk and smile and laugh. None of the others could.

She was the one they sent whenever they needed information of Queen. And that became the only time John was excited for an interview.

“You guys have another interview.” Miami said, walking into the studio. “It’s with Y/N.”

“Oh, that’s great!” John said, his tone of voice revealing how he really felt about said reporter.

Roger turned to look at the bassist. “That’s the most excited I’ve ever seen you for an interview.”

“Yeah, John, what is it?” Brian asked, just as curious.

“Nothing, just… interested in the… interview topics?”

“I think our lovely John is definitely interested in something, but not the interview.” Freddie said, coming to sit next to Roger and Brian.

Roger leaned forward to tease. “My my, Deaky, do you fancy Y/N?”

John raised his brows with a mischievous grin but shook his head anyway.

“You should totally take her out. It could be so romantic,” Brian said.

“No, I could never talk to Y/N.”

“You’re distaste towards human interaction is becoming… well, quite distasteful,” Freddie said with a pout. “What if we were to do something?”

Roger jumped to his feet in excitement. “Yeah, we could talk to Y/N for you!”

“No, we won’t be doing any of that, thank you. I’m willing to let things happen on their own.”

“John, dear, if we let you deal with it like that, nothing will happen.”

Freddie didn’t give John the luxury of arguing back. Said a simple “tut tut” and walked off, taking Brian and Roger with him. Which was fine because that’s when you walked in.

“Hello, John.” You smiled at him. “Where’s the rest of them?”

“Elsewhere. How have you been, Y/N?”

“Fine, fine. And you?”

“Quite alright. So what’s the plan for today?”

“Hm? Oh, I’m to ride with you to the venue while you all do sound checks and the like. In between those is when I’ll start individual interviews.”

In many ways you were found of John as well. You felt his answers were truthful in a way that the others didn’t quite have. But that was on the professional level. He made you happy, and laugh. He was very open, which you found out was actually a rare thing.

On many occasions, you tricked yourself into thinking he was just being courteous.

Much to John’s dismay, you got Freddie first.

“Hello, Fred. You can have a seat, I just need to get a new pen. Seems that I have lost mine.”

“Oh you won’t need that. Come, let’s talk.” He hooked arms with you. “Shall I interview you?”

“Me? Whatever for?”

“What, can’t I speak with my darling friend Y/N?”

You shrugged but went along with it. “What’s bothering you?”

Freddie waved his hands in dismissal. “You shan’t be my therapist either. This is about you, my dear. What do you look for in a lifelong partner?”

“Oh, that’s a bit forward." Freddie shrugged as if it wasn't "Well I don't know. Someone who's honest, I guess."

"John is very honest. Ever think about things short term?"

"No. I see no desire in that."

Freddie crossed his legs, then uncrossed them and stood. "Well that's all I have for you, darling. I'll send Roger in."

You didn't acknowledge him as he left the room, then Roger was walking in. He took Freddie's spot on the couch.

"How have you been, Y/N."

"Fine, fine. Now, I we see that you wrote a song on the album. What influences -"

"Oh, hush up about the album. Let's talk."

Okay....

"Roger, what are you and Freddie doing?"

"Oh, he got started? Good. Are you doing anything this coming week?"

"No, not that I know of."

"Neither is John." Roger left it at that and leaves the room, leaving you completely shocked.

Brian walked in with a smile. He would be easy to ask. He'd reveal himself if you asked.

"Brian May, what are you guys doing?"

"What do you mean?" He started to play with his hands. He was already nervous.

"You, Roger, and Freddie. What are you doing?" You crossed your arms, hoping that you could weasel the answer out of Brian.

"Y/N, we're not -"

"Were you coming in here to talk about John? Now tell me, what are you doing?"

Brian sighed and deflected in defeat. "John likes you, but he wouldn't do anything. We decided that we would try to push you into it instead." He stood up. "I'll leave now."

It was the greatest news you could've heard! You couldn't wait for him to say something, because you knew John. He wouldn't on any occasion!

John coming into the room took you out of your head. He smiled at you, sitting down at the couch.

"Hello, Y/N. What questions do you have about the album?"

At least he didn't set them up, you reasoned with yourself.

"John, I don't want to talk about the album." Everything was set up, and there was no better time to admit your feelings than here. "I really like you. And unfortunately, Brian did said you did liked me too?"

He went quiet and red in the face. "Y/N, I'm sorry you had to hear it from them."

"It's fine, John, really, but is it true?"

"Yes, Y/N, I really do. You're really beautiful, insanely smart, and just so... perfect. Can I take you out?"

You embraced him. "Of course, John!"

Freddie, Brian, Roger stood standing, peaking through the door. They froze when they saw John glare at them over your shoulder. The boys laughed before shutting the door.

Freddie sighed, dropping his hand to his hip. "Well that didn't take long."

[shutupheathersorryheatherr]

as Txt members as Taylor Swift songs from Evermore:

warningz/info: a little bit of angst sprinkled in. Noting major though, discussions of infidelity, discussions of having to keep feelings/relationships secret, like one curse word, hints of people being considered “players” (not in the heart breakers sense tho if that makes sense?) lemme know if I missed anything! ps. also not proofread 

Yeonjun: Cowboy like me. "You asked me to dance but I said dancing is a dangerous game." Need I say more? The song itself is about a man who, after everything, "hangs from my lips like the gardens of Babylon." Basically, saying that they might've never been there and or nobody besides the two people involved ever knew they were there in the first place. I believe I've heard someone also say she might be alluding to the fact that while it's a great love, it never really excised. To others, in actuality, who knows. They both have tricks up their sleeves and both have to pay for it at the end. "... All before I locked it down." No matter how much everyone else wants them, they’re still yours and vice versa. It's giving me chance encounter ("husting for a good life never thought I'd meet you here"), fake dating, with just a hint of enemies to lovers if you so please. "The ladies lunching had their stories about when you passed through town." PPPFFFFFF please, if this isn't Yeonjun then I don't know what is.

Soobin: Hear me out... Cony Island... I was debating between this and right where you left me but alas Cony Island prevailed. I feel like Soobin would be the type to really like carnival dates and would find them cute and romantic. “Did I close my hand around some delicate? Did I shatter you?”  I also feel like one of his worst fears would be accidentally hurting his s/o. Even though we all know he’d never really mean something he says that hurts you he still worries about it a lot. The thing I really like about the song itself is that it’s kinda relating an abandoned and once booming place to a relationship. (”we were like the mall before the internet.”) At its core it talks about a person wishing they’d told the other person they loved them more often or something like that. So imagine this: he’s sitting at your old spot after a fight all sulky and thinking to himself he never did enough. Or that maybe he put his career over you too much. Both things he values beyond words. He’s sitting there on a rotted wood bench, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. He realizes, that no matter how many times you said you want him to pursue his dreams that, he wants you more than any of it. “Whats a lifetime of achievement if I pushed you over the edge.” *Takes a deep breath* THAT LINE BRO. It’s giving reminiscing over past good memories and past mistakes, second chances, meeting up at old spots.

Beomgyu: Ivy Ivy Ivy Ivy!! “My pain fits into the palm of your freezing hand.” To me, mans is just emanating a person who swoops in unannounced and doesn't mean to. “Meet you where the spirit meets the bones. In a fate forgotten land.” Everything is barren and muggy and horrible, but he brings you “in from the snow.” idk maybe its because if he told me to run no doubt about it i would.lol. Like, he doesn’t mean for you to realize hes head over heels in love with you. Especially now that you’re engaged, but somehow it happens. He didn’t think it would happen, but he also didn’t think you’d also return those feelings. “My house of stone. Your ivy growths.” That implies that you’re only soft for this one person. The song also to me at least gives middle of winter vibes... like you have a cold heart but this man comes along an unfreezes it. “Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow.” The word incandescent literally means emanating light when as a result of something. You cannot tell me Beomgyu isn’t the type to make you shine even brighter. Because of his love, or just the fact that you wanna be better because of him/with him! The song talks about how its a literal struggle to stay with this person even though you want to So much. But they literally cant stop them from putting their “roots” in the other persons “dreamland.” I always took “dreamland” in the song as a to-the-naked-eye dreamland, or a should-be dreamland so do with that what you will. “Clover blooms in the field” So we all know clover means luck right? Well, right after she says: “...so does fear.” Imagine this: the coast is clear and all but you’re still terrified you’ll get caught. Also, “... freezing hand.” That line reminds me of ‘cold hands, warm heart.’ The definition of that expression is someone who does not show ther feelings outwardly, but inwardly they’re the most warm and loving person. Beomgyu is described as being either a 3am person or a 3pm person right? More than that, in this situation outwardly hes just your best frieind, he doesn’t go any further than giving your friendly side hugs, but internally all he wants to do is kiss you, and walk you home and bring you flowers, and take you out on a date free from watchful and judging eyes. It’s giving meeting up in secret and stealing glances, ultimaitly running away with each other, healing each other, a little angst sprinkled in, and childhood best friends to lovers.

Teahyun: Long story short ya’ll. I dunno. I relistened to the whole album for this and out of everything this song seemed to give off Teahyun vibes. The song talks (especially the bridge) talks about realizing that the prefect person for you is out there somewhere. “Don’t get lost in those petty things.” Because as it later says, “he’s passing by, rare as a glimmer of a comet in the sky.” Someone like him is rare but beautiful to find. So just like you’d treasure a comet in the sky you value him even more. It conveys a sense of everythings-fine-as-long-as-i’m-with-you. Noting else matters, not your nemeses, not anybody trying to get in ya’llss way. “I was in the ally surrounded on all sides.” But Teahyun was there to help you. Even when maybe you didn’t appreicate him as much as you should have he was still helping you. The first time you met, like really met and talked was after he unexpectedly showed you kindness. After that, it was pretty easy to talk freely with him. Everything bad is happening around you-- to you. But “long story short you survived.” You know you can always count on him, and he, you. (”when i dropped my sword I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door.”) you both are something you can believe in. Theres no more tug of war, no more keeping scores. Neither of you worry about seemingly stupid things like that now.  Its giving soulmates, one true love you finally found after a lifetime of searching, world is burning but im with you, waiting, and healing.

Huening Kai: Two words, Gold rush. Now you can take this song a couple different ways but this time lets go with the “wow omg you’re so out of my reach.” one. And the person is envisioning them “padding across your wooden floors.” but also is trying to stop themselves from loving them by reasoning that they “don’t like a gold rush.” In this au Everyone wants you, and of course Kai does too cause duh you’re so amazing. But he knows deep down that it’ll never work. If word gets around both of you would sink like ships. So he’s trying to come up with each and every excuse every time he sees you and your beautiful face, that will snap him back to reality. But still, as much as you both want to, and probably need to because word gets around and because of your image, “At dinner parties I won’t call you out on your contrarian shit.” Because, in all honestly nether of you ever could act strictly professional around each other anyways. The floodgates were bound to be opened soon enough. and youd know how he actually feels about you. It;s giving rivals to lovers, forced proximity, best friends brother

2021 copywrite shutupheathersorryheatherr

alrightyyyy thats it! im tagging @jasminexox5 cause they’re an awesome writer and id like to hear their thoughts on this one :)

[firewalkwithme36]

Sometimes growing up means breaking your own heart

A day ago I said good bye to someone my heart never really felt safe with but a little piece of me still kinda wanted it to work. He'd been a complicated person in my life. We worked on/made art together for two years. There was this spark between us that made it exciting to work together, to play in a creative space. But he also let me down with one of those projects. He let me down with so many things, but he surprised me too. He's about four years younger than me and that doesn't mean much if your both in your thirties but it's a lot when you're in your twenties. There's just so much that happens in your life, in your heart and head. It puts a pretty big gap between every year you go through them. And omg do you fuck up so many things, shit you care about. But I guess that means you're putting yourself out there enough to really learn something about who you are.

Anyway, about this guy. We dated a few times and he'd always bail when things got to real and wouldn't really talk about any of it. So after college, after the deep lonely blues really set in and 50 job rejections later, I decided to reconnect with him. I was so nervous the whole time sweat was dripping from my arm pits. We kept in touch for while and then met to talk in person when I moved back to the city he lives in. ( Thats a whole complicated story but I'd lived there before and it was the one I'd have the easiest time more permanently moving to. So I did.) He started to do the same song and dance, so I stopped him and said that I want to actually think about doing this not get back into the same cycles again. It ended with him telling me a few days later he wanted to fall in love with me as a friend. I told him I didn't know if I could do that because I'm not sure my heart works like that and I felt too much that he was asking to cut up his favorite parts of me and our relationship to make it into something easier. Also we would never be just friends, we'd always be moving away from being romantically involved. So it's not like we would really be friends. We'd both get jealous when the other started dating some one new and it also wouldn't be appropriate for anyone we were serious about to meet either of us. Our "friendship" would die off.

Things ended with us spending one last night together not pretending that we were just friends or holding anything back. It was a night of last things. A night of dinner, card games, music, movies, talking, holding each other and sex for the last time. Because there aren't many times that you know when the last time will be the last time and I've had to many hastily done good byes to take one more with some one it didn't work out with but I still have deep love for.

So now it's done and keep wishing and secretly hoping he'll text or call and suddenly he's all in the way I always wished he was and it all just works finally.

But life never is like the movies and so I haven't washed my sheets or pjs he wore just so I still have something around other than me, that he's touched. I sniff the necklace he left me because when my heart is breaking and begging me to talk to him it helps trick my brain into thinking he's still around. I make sure that the sheets are tucked in, pillows placed and the boxers he wore just like he left them for me, because I know taking care of people with the little things is his biggest I love you.

Growing up sucks, It's lonely as hell and there are so many times that it means breaking your own heart so you can get where you're meant to be and become who you want to be.

[charthanry]

I saw your last ask and it reminds me of how I’m always confused as to why people think Pat fell in love first because don’t you need to know that it’s love you are feeling to have fallen in love? That’s not saying Pat wasn’t always drawn to Pran but I don’t think he properly fell until episode 5. Then he looked back into his memories and realised that it was romantic love. Had he actually fallen as a teen he wouldn’t have dated people and would’ve noticed Pran writing songs about his feelings for Pat and pursued him. But I’m so confused and probably wrong!

For those who missed it, this is in response to a separate ask on who I thought fell first between Pat and Pran. You can read my answer to that ask here.

Hello anon! I think this is a valid question, one that I'm sure you're not the only one confused by. You're not wrong! We've said repeatedly that Pat is an emotionally intelligent person so how is it possible that he completely misses that his feelings for Pran are less than rivalry-fueled and altogether more than friendly? It seems unfathomable, right? He's a smart guy and highly observant with an innate talent for reading people. He's proven this consistently throughout the series. So, what are we missing?

My simple answer? Pat is that much of an idiot when it comes to his own feelings. He needed his LITTLE SISTER to help him figure out if someone was into him. She literally has to spell it out for him, well, count (ON HER FINGERS because apparently Pat needs the VISUAL??) and list it out for him step-by-step. He's that much of a doofus, sadly, when it comes to relationships. He's been tricked and scammed by girls in the past, so I'd say when it involves himself and a love interest? Pat is Steve Carell's character in the 40-year-old virgin, only WORSE if you can imagine it. 

So, Pat being an idiot, goes through his adolesence alongside Pran, thinking he’s fun, the rilvary is harmless so long as they both report to their parents what they want to hear, they’re left to their own antics. They both know the script by heart and can play their parts automatically – satisfying the parents is easy and routine at this point.

Through the years, Pat learns that if he pokes at Pran, he’ll get a reaction and inexplicably finds pleasure in it. After all, he’s annoying his rival and that's all this is about, right? Pran is amusing and Pat likes seeing him smirk back at him – every once in a while he even gets a bemused head shake that ends in a genuine smile. It sometimes makes his chest do this weird flippy thing, but that’s probably because he slept on it wrong or needs more vitamins or something. He should probably see his pediatrician about it. No biggie. But that can wait, because right now Pran is about to pull out his guitar and show off to the other kids in class and Pat can’t let him get away with it. He eyes the classroom broom and decides that Shakira’s right, hips don’t lie and he’s going to let them do the talkin’.

Like I said, he’s an idiot. What do you even see in him, Pran? Run before it’s too late for you. Save yourself.

But jokes aside, I do think it's possible for someone like Pat to have feelings and not recognize that it's love. He's never experienced it before, how could he know that's what this is? I don’t think what he’s experienced in the past could even be considered dating. Girls would flatter him and get him to buy things for them and because Pat is generous with EVERYBODY he does, only for the girl to ditch him once she gets what she wants. There’s no way Pat would equate any of that with love. Even Pat has more self-respect for himself than that.

We already know what he feels towards Ink is comradery. Here’s a girl that he enjoys spending time with, who doesn’t want him to buy things for her, she’s nice and easy to talk to, maybe this could lead to something more? It should be that simple right? Shouldn’t you want to be friends first? Only, none of Pa’s love signs work on Ink and if Pat is honest with himself, he’s not feeling it work on him either. Ink, as it turns out is Pat’s female-Korn, only nicer to look at, infinitely smarter, and less likely to get Pat into shitty situations.

So, Pat being oblivious, may not recognize that what he’s felt for Pran all this time is romantic love. We see it in his look of complete bewilderment in the music store. We see it in his agression with Wai. Why does Wai get to be next to you? That's my spot. That’s always been my spot going all the way back to grade school. Who does Wai think he is to slot himself in my place? And why are you letting him?! 

And again on the roof when it finally clicks into place for him. He loves Pran. That's what this is. And if Pat is honest with himself, which he always is, that's what this has always been. He realizes it now. He knew Pran wasn't an option then, so he teased and poked to make sure Pran's eyes never looked anywhere else but at him. Maybe Pat was subconsciously biding his time. And maybe, just maybe, the timing is finally right that Pran can be an option now. Well, he'll just have to kiss him and find out. 

[hanazuma-inactive]

defrost (nsfw) kaeya x top!male reader

pronouns: he/him

warnings: ice play!! slight degradation, orgasm denial/ edging, top male reader, bottom kaeya

a/n: this was edited by @kamihara, she really outdone herself in this one, professional kaeya simp lol

_____

“to think such an honourable knight such as you, the cavalry captain of mondstat, is now begging to cum. how shameful of you,” you let out a low chuckle as a provocative smile broke out on your lips, “i wonder what citizens would say if they saw their beloved and oh so admirable kaeya in this position?”

as a captain of the ordo favonius, you were a bright figure to the people of mondstat. a person who aided in saving the city from destruction, one of the heroes that defeated storm terror. of course, other knights had nothing but respect for you as your skill and talent was nothing short of impressive. many looked at you with a high regard due to your strength and position, this meant that many were intimidated by your presence and therefore fear approaching you.

however, there was one person who disregarded this and stuck by you anyways, kaeya alberich, the cavalry captain. out of everyone in the knights of favonius, you were the closest with kaeya. you enjoyed his company a lot, he was an interesting person who knew how to keep a conversation going, and while you're with him you could never find yourself feeling bored. he was as charming as he was cunning.

kaeya found himself enjoying your company too. the two of you have done lots of things together. going on missions, getting away with “knighty” duty, babysitting klee, and drinking at angels share. you know, all the fun things in life.

kaeya was a secretive person, and while you were curious about him, you respected his boundaries. perhaps this was the reason why he drew you in, besides his blaringly good looks of course.

there was no doubt that the man was attractive from head to toe. his silky navy blue hair fell down his shoulder with grace, his fringe complemented his smooth, flawless sepia toned face. his periwinkle eye held the sheen of a crystal, glistening as his long eyelashes framed it with poise. the diamond shaped pupils his eyes possessed could leave you in a trance forever. his open white shirt left his cleavage on display, contrasted with the black corset around his slim, slim waist. his slender legs brought him around with confidence and charisma.additionally, the intricate accessories he wore suited his personality well. all in all, kaeya was a pretty little thing.

all of this lead up to you harbouring romantic feelings for the cavalry caption. how could you not feel anything? he was perfect in every way.

the sound of kaeya’s voice snapped you out of your thinking. “y/n, any missions today?”

“nothing for you i don’t think, i gotta help jean with the paperworks though.” you sighed at the thought of a mountain of paperwork.

“great, well i’m off then you have fun doing whatever.” kaeya smirked at you, poking fun at your dread.

he started to turn around and walk off but you had other plans.

“wait. kaeya-” you speak quickly.

“hm?” he hummed out.

“angels share? 9pm?”

a quizzical look washed over his face before he masked it with one of his cunning smiles.

“alright.”

little did kaeya know you had more in mind than just drinking with him tonight. today would be the day when you finally told him about your little crush on him.

night quickly arrived after a day of working with jean. you were pretty exhausted but still excited about what's about to happen later tonight. when you entered the bar, Kaeya was already waiting for you at the counter talking with the bartender, charles.

“ah, i see mr.l/n is here too. Your usual today as well sir?”

“yah that’d be nice, thanks charles.” you said as you took a seat next to kaeya

“you got it.” charles said as he left to go get your drink.

angel's share was the place you and kaeya loved the most. the kind of noisy background with people chatting. cyrus and jack talking about their gains for today, six-fingered jose still playing his lyre, the song was getting a little old but you didn’t mind, in fact if he changed the song you probably wouldn’t be used to it.

“so, what’s the special occasion for today? you usually don’t invite me to drink on weekdays.” kaeya said while swirling his drink and glancing over at you.

kaeya’s eyes always amazed you. you didn’t know the name of the grey-ish color but you could gaze into them forever. his smooth skin glowed under the dim lighting in the bar. you loved everything about the man, his dark blue hair, his perfectly shaped body, and the fact that you could see a little bit of his clothing. what kaeya said on the first day when you guys met was true, you did feel something for him.

“hm? can i not invite fellow knights to share a drink once in while without a special occasion.”

“well, not wrong there but…you seem like you have ulterior motives for tonight from the way you’re dressing.” kaeya said, smirking at you.

it was true, you purposely chose one of your best outfits today for kaeya, you wanted to impress the man not only from your combat skills, but also your looks. there was no secret you could hide from kaeya. he knew you too well and he always looked right through you. it could have just been kaeya’s observant nature but you like to hope it was something more than that.

“you’re right there, you really do know me too well, maybe i need to start hiding things from you a little huh?”

“you can try but i highly doubt it’ll work in your favour, mr.honorary knight.”

both of you looked at each other with a slight smirk as charles arrived with your drink. after drinking for a good while you could tell kaeya was getting a little tipsy. his movements were unstable, he shaked a little while walking and his eyes started to become hazy. what better time than right now to reveal your true plans for tonight, you were gonna fuck the shit out of the beautiful man. you wanted to hear him scream your name in pleasure as you break him, over and over again.

“why don’t we go somewhere else? y’know, somewhere more, quiet” you suggested while scooting closer to kaeya.

“i wouldn’t mind that.”

as soon as you heard those words you immediately got up and left with kaeya. your plan was going perfectly and the best part is about to come soon. kaeya wasn’t stupid, he was an adult afterall and he knew what you were trying to do. dressing up all sexy like that, getting drinks, going somewhere more “private”, what else could it have been.

the two of you arrived in your house and headed straight for your bedroom. kaeya has been to your house many times for many reasons and he knew where everything was so he didn’t trip or fall.

you placed a light kiss on kaeya’s lips while he laid on your bed.

“wait here~ i’ll be right back.”

this was where things would get, interesting

you opened your fridge to grab a small wooden bowl. the content inside was covered by a small white cloth. after grabbing that you went to grab some rope from a drawer you hid them in because you didn’t know what to say if someone saw those items in your house.

after bringing the items back you put them on the side and pushed kaeya down.

“what’re those?” he asked

(its a surprise tool that’ll help us later.)

“don’t worry about it sweetheart, just lay back and let me do the work alright?”

you brought a blush to kaeya’s face with your flirty words as he gave you a small nod, signalling you consent and approval. you kept invading kaeya’s mouth over and over again, you’re tongue so skillful kaeya was sure this definitely wasn’t your first time. the kisses ended after a while leaving both of you panting and a half an erection in your pants. wanting more, you began to take off kaeya’s uniform. his skin is so beautiful, you could also see his well defined body, just the perfect amount, not too buff, not too skinny. you licked your lips a little bit and looked up at kaeya with a smirk. when you put your mouth onto kaeya’s pink nipples, he squealed a little out of surprise but soft moans soon began to escape from his mouth.

“a-ah~ didn’t know you had this in you, honorary knight.”

“oh i know a lot more tricks that can make you feel good~” you teased.

as you continued to suck on kaeya’s smooth skin, you decided to spice things up a little bit. kaeya yelped as he felt a slight pain around his nipples. you remove your mouth to see a bite mark around it.

“to mark you as mine~”

“tch, you cocky little bastard.”

seeing the tent building up in kaeya’s pants, you decided to take them off and grant it some release. after you took off kaeya’s jeans you saw a small stain at the top of his boxers, showing that he felt good earlier.

“alright... this is where the fun part begins.” you said as you grabbed the ropes you initially put on the floor.

“restraining me? go ahead, let’s see if the honorary knight is all talk or he actually has something up his sleeve.” kaeya taunted

not liking his attitude, you forcefully tied kaeya’s hands behind his back and pushed him to the end of the bed facing you with nothing on but his boxers. now, the mighty kaeya alberich, is at your mercy.

“alright, we can do this in two ways. one, you listen to me, second, i don’t think you’ll like what’ll happen,”

kaeya raised his head a little and looked you dead in the eyes.

“i choose the second option”

you knew kaeya was the bratty type and it’ll only add to the fun to tame him. after hearing his choice you pushed kaeya back to where he was before and uncovered the bowl you had prepared earlier on the side. the bow was filled with medium sized ice cubes and it was till now that kaeya finally realized what you were trying to do.

“ice cubes huh? bring it on.”

“you asked for it~”

you grabbed one of the ice cubes and started to rub it on kaeya’s pecs, making circular motions and slowing moving towards the center where his nipples are.

“f-fuck that’s cold.”

you saw kaeya’s cock twitch a little when you first reached his nipples and you knew he was feeling good. moving on with your plan, you rested the ice cube on kaeya’s nipples and lifted his boxers where his cock is still covered but his asshole is exposed to you. right after that, you grabbed the lube that has been sitting in your nightstand and spread them on your fingers. without mercy you put 2 fingers into kaeya, trying to find his pleasure spot. sooner or later when kaeya started to let out tiny moans you knew you hit your target.

“feels good huh baby boy~”

“y-yah, and so what o-oh fuck~”

kaeya was sure feeling it, to a point where he started stuttering.

the constant teasing got kaeya close to his limit. he couldn’t hold it any longer. but you’re not gonna let him cum that easy are you? of course not, he needed to be punished for what he did earlier.

“a-ah y/n i’m gonna cum i’m gonna cum so hard- wait why'd you s-stop?” kaeya asked

“you decided to be a brat earlier didn’t you~? bad boys get punishment.” you said with a smirk on your face.

kaeya stayed silent, not a word coming out of his mouth, head hung low feeling embarrassed.

“to think such an honourable knight such as you, the cavalry captain of mondstat, is now begging to cum. how shameful of you,” you let out a low chuckle as a provocative smile broke out on your lips, “i wonder what citizens would say if they saw their beloved and oh so admirable kaeya in this position?”

“maybe~ if you begged a little i might reconsider, don’t you think so, pretty boy?”

kaeya finally lost his composure at this point, all he wanted was to cum from your touch.

“fine... i don’t care anymore.” kaeya growled.

“p-please y/n.” kaeya looked up at you with pleading eyes. “i want to c-cum, i want to cum so bad. i should’ve been a good boy from the beginning… i promise i’ll be obedient from now on, j-just please, let me cum…” kaeya begged

“that’s what i thought.”

satisfied with kaeya’s begging, you decided to grant him his release. you added another ice cube to the other side of kaeya’s chest while stroking his dick through his boxers. of course you didn’t forget to keep teasing kaeya’s prostate while you were at it. all these different stimulations made kaeya lose his mind. the male came through his boxers all over the place. semen spilled on his own stomach and chest followed with moans so loud the entire mondstat could hear him.

after he settled himself down a little, kaeya waited for you to untie him. you exchanged a kiss with him while you were doing so, smiling at each other thinking about what just happened. neither of you cared about the mess that you made because you guys were tired. listening to the birds chirp, you fell asleep with the dark blue haired male on your bed.

the two of you woke up in the afternoon to the noises of mondstat. you woke up a little before kaeya and from your point of view he was literally a sleeping beauty. you stroked his hair a little bit, causing him to wake up.

"y/n…good morning handsome."

"right back at you."

both of you giggled a little while holding hands.

"hey kaeya?"

"yes y/n."

"i've been meaning to get this off my chest and i don't think there will be a better time to say it than now."

"well go ahead, i'm all ears."

"you were the only one that ever stuck with me in the knights, everyone was afraid of me due to my strength except for you. you listened to me, you talked to me, and if it weren't for you i probably would've quit the job at the knights already." you took a deep breath and let out the words kaeya were waiting for.

"kaeya alberich... will you he my boyfriend?"

kaeya gave you a small scoff as a reaction and a light kiss to your lips.

"what reason do i have to refuse such a perfect man?."

[basic-otaku]

My thoughts on Xue Yang's character (based on the drama and novel)

Xue Yang is a character I didn’t fully understand until I finished The Untamed. I looked back on him with a bit of pity but little understanding. It wasn’t until I listened to his character song that I truly began to dissect his character. Reading those lyrics completely flipped my perspective on him, and I went back to watch the Yi City arc again. I was shocked by how much I had missed. Xue Yang has since become one of my favorite characters of the series. I’ve spent so much time thinking about him and his motives that I finally decided to write down my thoughts. This analysis comes mostly from what I perceived, so it may differ from other people’s opinions. You are free to disagree with me.

Let’s start with what we know: Xue Yang was a street kid with a hard childhood. We know he was abandoned at a young age, but we don’t know how young. However, he must have been old enough to survive, so he couldn’t have been younger than four when he started fending for himself. We don’t know who his parents are because he doesn’t remember them, nor does he remember anyone else who had potentially taken care of him. His parents could be dead for all we know, or they could have dumped him somewhere when they no longer wanted to take care of him. It’s all up to speculation. He also has a very high pain tolerance, probably due to constant beatings as a child.

When you’re all alone in the world, you have to learn to put yourself first. There’s no one to care for you, so only you can care for yourself. I believe that Xue Yang wasn’t always a bad person because no one is inherently evil. However, because he was alone, there was no one to nurture him and teach him right from wrong. When all you experience is violence and hatred, that becomes your response to similar situations; you don’t expect kindness or want to give it in return.

One of Xue Yang’s flaws as a child was his naivety — he was much too quick to trust. That’s how he got himself into such a bad situation. He was eager to have something he was never able to have (candy), so he immediately trusted that shopkeeper when he said he could have some as a reward for running an errand. What he got in return wasn’t candy, but a brutal beating and a severed pinky. If Xue Yang had still had any faith left in humanity, this is the point where it would have left him. The remaining childhood innocence in him was gone. This brings me to an interesting piece of dialogue. In Yi City, when Xue Yang confronts Song Lan and tells him what he’s been up to, Song Lan curses at him, calling him an animal. Xue Yang laughs at him and says, “I quit using those words when I was seven.” And what happened to Xue Yang’s finger? “One finger was ground into battered flesh on the spot. The child was seven.” Even Xue Yang himself knows that moment was when everything changed, and he still carries the resentment with him now.

Back to the cart incident. This event scarred him for life and was the primary reason he became a sociopath. Now he’s bent on revenge. He was powerless as a child; just another street rat who shouldn’t be treated like a human being nor spared any pity. So, when he realizes he can do the same to those that hurt him, he takes it much further. When he was old enough and strong enough, he exacts his revenge. He wanted to make the Chang Clan feel his pain — not only for the finger he had lost but for his whole miserable life up to that point. If no one deigned to understand him, then he’d make them understand in the only way he knew how. With violence.

Xue Yang was only fifteen or sixteen when he slaughtered the Chang Clan, killing more than fifty people. This is where he meets Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. From the first moment, Xue Yang hates Xiao Xingchen. He’s so righteous, so full of light. He thinks he makes the world better just by doing a little good. What a hypocrite. Where was he when he was needed? Where was he when Xue Yang was a seven-year-old boy left crying in the streets after having his finger ground to a pulp? No, nobody can be that good.

When Xue Yang is captured by Wei Wuxian and the others, Xiao Xingchen takes him back to Qinghe to be apprehended, and Xue Yang vows to get his revenge on Xiao Xingchen for it. It isn’t long after he escapes from Qinghe that Xue Yang slaughters Baixue Temple, blinding Song Lan in the process. According to Xue Yang’s logic, hurting Xiao Xingchen’s friend is just as bad as hurting Xiao Xingchen himself. This is what causes the rift between Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan. Without this incident, Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen may never have met again.

A few years have likely passed while Xue Yang was working for Jin Guangyao. He is probably closer to eighteen or nineteen when Jin Guangyao injures him and throws him out, which is how Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing find him. Xiao Xingchen doesn’t hesitate in bringing Xue Yang back to Yi City with him and A-Qing and caring for his wounds. Xue Yang wakes up pained and disoriented, but he immediately tries to back away when he realizes who is tending to him. He doesn’t know Xiao Xingchen is unaware of his identity, and probably thinks that Xiao Xingchen is getting ready to take him to face justice or something. But Xiao Xingchen insists that he doesn’t need to know who Xue Yang is and that he’s only doing what’s right. Xue Yang is clearly shocked by this admission. He truly cannot comprehend kindness, and this is the first time he’s ever experienced it.

This is also the first time we get to see his genuine smile. It’s shocked and incredulous, like he can’t believe this is happening, but it’s there. Throughout the series, Xue Yang’s snarky words and sly smirk are a token of his character, but now we know they are just a mask he uses to hide the small, broken child inside of him. If no one can see the hurt he hides, then no one can hurt him further. But with just one kind gesture, Xiao Xingchen was able to bring out the young boy who just wanted love and comfort.

This kindness is such a foreign concept to Xue Yang that he doesn’t think it’s genuine for a long time. But as the years pass, Xue Yang comes to realize that Xiao Xingchen isn’t a threat. This is something he scoffs at. Xiao Xingchen is ridiculously naïve; so stupid. If he knew who he was living with, who he was eating with, he wouldn’t act like this. He would treat Xue Yang the same way everyone else had. So, Xue Yang decides to trick Xiao Xingchen into murdering innocent people for revenge. Xue Yang can’t wait for Xiao Xingchen to find out what Xue Yang has made him do because it’ll break him. What this revenge is for is up to interpretation. Maybe he’s still angry about being captured and sent to Qinghe. Maybe he’s angry at the world for treating him so badly. Maybe Xue Yang wants to show Xiao Xingchen that his worldview is stupid and that there are no good or pure people in the world. I choose to believe that it’s the last one.

At least, this is his motivation at first — he slowly loses the will to harm Xiao Xingchen. This brings me to another interesting point. In episode three, Xue Yang says he doesn’t fear death, he fears boredom. But isn’t this domestic life he’s living with Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing considered boring by his standards? I think the boredom he speaks of is really the fear of being alone and having nothing at all. Now he’s happy, however reluctantly he’s willing to admit it. He wouldn’t have put up with A-Qing’s petulant behavior if he didn’t enjoy the time they spent together. Although they didn’t get along at first, Xue Yang protects A-Qing and takes care of her like an annoying older brother. He teases her, sure, but he also cuts her apple slices in the shape of rabbits and gives her advice on how to scare away the people who bully her (even though killing them isn’t great advice). Xiao Xingchen and A-Qing were the family he never had. Now he would do anything to preserve the life he is living.

After about a year, Xue Yang’s plan stopped being about revenge. I’m not completely sure how he justified this change of heart, but I like to think he told himself he was still biding his time and that he’d get back to it eventually (even if he had stopped thinking about hurting Xiao Xingchen). Based on what A-Qing told Song Lan when he arrived at Yi City, Xue Yang hadn’t taken Xiao Xingchen out on one of those night hunts in a long time. And most of the people that Xue Yang made Xiao Xingchen kill were the merchants that made fun of his blindness and cheated him with bad vegetables and high prices. It was a messed-up way to get revenge for Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang hates being looked down on, so shouldn’t Xiao Xingchen feel the same way?

Nevertheless, the time they spent in Yi City was probably the only time Xue Yang had been happy in his entire life. Xiao Xingchen was so in tune with what Xue Yang needed that Xue Yang came to care for him deeply. Whether those feelings were romantic or platonic in nature is up to the viewer, but I believe Xue Yang had fallen in love with Xiao Xingchen in the only sick and twisted way he could. Xiao Xingchen understood him more than anyone ever had, going so far as to listen to his idle ramblings and bring him a piece of candy every day after hearing that he had loved sweets as a child but could never have any. He managed to tame the savage beast in Xue Yang’s heart with only his presence and basic human decency. Xue Yang’s bloodlust was satiated as long as he had Xiao Xingchen to take care of him. At this point, I don’t think he would ever actually kill Xiao Xingchen. He had stopped wanting to hurt him a long time ago. A-Qing? Sure. She’s expendable, but Xiao Xingchen is irreplaceable. Even if Xue Yang reluctantly came to care about her, it wasn’t the same kind of bond. She had never shown him the same kindness that Xiao Xingchen had. He wouldn’t hesitate to hurt her if she betrayed him, but she was important to Xiao Xingchen, which meant he couldn’t do her any harm if he didn’t want to disrupt their happy life.

If Song Lan hadn’t found them, how long would Xue Yang have stayed? I don’t even think he knew. He just knew that he didn’t want to leave anymore. Xiao Xingchen gave him too much for him to want that. The viewer can easily see the happiness in his eyes when he looks at Xiao Xingchen. Xue Yang acts like a kid around him — playing games, joking around, making him laugh with childish remarks. Even in the quiet moments, he’s happy. This was especially noticeable in the campfire scene. It wasn’t shown in the original drama, but in the special edition, Xue Yang smiled at Xiao Xingchen from across the fire, and the look in his eyes as he gazed at his daozhang was so tender that it honestly caught me off guard. It seemed to catch Xue Yang off guard too because he caught himself, and the smile slowly fell. It’s like he realized what he’s doing and remembered that this should be about revenge.

Where in the past, Xue Yang hated Xiao Xingchen for his righteousness, he now loves him for his naivety. Without it, Xue Yang knows that Xiao Xingchen would be disgusted with himself. There would be no more laughs, no more games, and no more smiles. Then Xue Yang would lose the one person who didn’t treat him like dirt. So, when Song Lan finds them, Xue Yang immediately perceives it as a threat to their domestic life. He knows how important Song Lan is to Xiao Xingchen, and there’s no doubt in his mind that Xiao Xingchen won’t hesitate to leave with Song Lan when he discovers Xue Yang’s identity.

Furthermore, Xue Yang resents Song Lan for taking Xiao Xingchen’s eyes (even though it was voluntary on Xiao Xingchen’s part and was essentially Xue Yang’s fault). His logic tells him that having Xiao Xingchen kill Song Lan would be the perfect way for Xiao Xingchen to get his revenge. What Xue Yang doesn’t understand is that not everyone thinks about things in the context of revenge. I don’t believe Xiao Xingchen ever truly regretted giving up his sight. But Xue Yang can’t comprehend how someone could be that selfless.

This is where it all falls apart. A-Qing sees what happened to Song Lan, and she runs to Xiao Xingchen and tells him everything. When Xiao Xingchen comes back to confront him, Xue Yang spills it all. There’s nothing left for him to lose. His mask falls again, and he basically bares his soul to Xiao Xingchen. This is probably the first time he’s told the story about his finger, and I think he genuinely thought Xiao Xingchen was going to understand him; that if he knew what Xue Yang went through, he’d sympathize with him and justify his action (thereby justifying his feelings). Instead of that, however, Xiao Xingchen calls him disgusting, and it flips a switch inside of Xue Yang. How can Xiao Xingchen call him disgusting when he’s killed people too?

I think one of the reasons Xue Yang led Xiao Xingchen to kill those people was to bring Xiao Xingchen down to his level. Xue Yang doesn’t think that anyone can be as good as Xiao Xingchen claimed to be, so he had to taint his perfect record. Maybe if he killed people, Xiao Xingchen would understand him. Xue Yang thought that when Xiao Xingchen found out, he’d stay with him. Now he’s not the same righteous person he used to be, so how could he be good enough to travel the world with Song Lan? No, he should stay with Xue Yang instead and live a happy life together.

So, when Xiao Xingchen calls him disgusting, Xue Yang was probably confused and upset, which made him instinctively put his mask back up. Being vulnerable only hurt him again, so he’s back to harsh words and smirks, telling Xiao Xingchen that this is why he’s always hated him and that all of this was fun. Fun in every sense of the word: the killing and the happiness.

Xiao Xingchen finding out that he killed Song Lan was the last straw. Xue Yang is still laughing as Xiao Xingchen slits his own throat. It takes a moment for the realization to set in, but as it does, the smile falls from Xue Yang’s lips, and his hands begin to shake. This is the third time his mask has fallen. His eyes begin to well with tears, but he tries to keep up his act, saying that dead ones are easier to control, but the only one he’s acting for is himself.

The next scene is the one that really solidified Xue Yang’s feelings for me. He cleans the blood from Xiao Xingchen’s skin with the same care that Xiao Xingchen had shown him when he first found Xue Yang in that ditch. Xue Yang clearly thinks that Xiao Xingchen is going to come back and that the ritual will work, that he staves off his tears and sets out food for both of them. He considers eating his candy but then decides he should wait until Xiao Xingchen comes back. If he’s back, then Xue Yang is sure to get another piece.

When he realizes that the ritual isn’t working and Xiao Xingchen isn’t coming back, he breaks down. The tantrum he throws is so full of rage and anguish that it really shows the depth of his feelings for Xiao Xingchen. Again, he goes back to acting, trying to guilt Xiao Xingchen’s dead body into coming back to life by telling him all the terrible things he’ll do to Song Lan and A-Qing if he doesn’t reawaken. Obviously, Xiao Xingchen can’t hear him, and Xue Yang knows this, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. He finally dissolves into tears, screaming and crying over Xiao Xingchen’s corpse. This may have been the first time he’s cried since he lost his finger. Crying is for innocent, naïve children, and it doesn’t help anybody. But now Xue Yang has had a taste of pure sweetness and doesn’t want to go back to the bitter life he has known, so he finally lets himself weep for all the things he could have had.

Xue Yang spent the next seven years trying to bring Xiao Xingchen back to life with no success. We don’t know much about his activities after Yi City, but we have gotten information through rumors that Shuanghua was being used to kill innocents. It seems like Xue Yang wanted to keep a part of Xiao Xingchen with him. He even continued his sick revenge plot after Xiao Xingchen’s death by gouging out the eyes of and killing the remains of the Chang Clan, including their leader, Chang Ping, by lingchi. Xue Yang doesn’t blame himself in the slightest; he just thinks that Xiao Xingchen’s death was an unfortunate consequence of the situation. He will put the blame on anyone and everyone other than himself. Thus, instead of performing lingchi on himself like Wei Wuxian suggested, he takes out his anger on the remains of the Chang Clan.

Everything Xue Yang does in the present is tied to Xiao Xingchen, yet he still can’t bring him back. So, when he heard that the Yiling Patriarch had suddenly come back to life, Xue Yang knew it was his last chance. The sword ghost/ghost arm is what led Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji to Yi City. It was pointing to its murderer. I’m sure Xue Yang could have avoided a confrontation if he wanted, but this was intentional. As for the juniors, I have a feeling that Xue Yang was behind the cat corpses that led them to meet up with Wei Wuxian. This is still unclear though because Xue Yang doesn’t have a real reason to get them involved. The only person he needs is Wei Wuxian.

Xue Yang has tried everything at this point. So, when Wei Wuxian finds him in Yi City, pretending to be Xiao Xingchen, he is completely desperate. I do wonder if that is something he has done more than once. Did he often go around dressed as Xiao Xingchen? Was he playing with the life they had in Yi City? Pretending he was still there? Or was it a one-time thing to trick Wei Wuxian into dropping his guard? I also wonder how often he used his own sword because only after Lan Zhan took Shuanghua from him did he pull out Jiangzai. That could be because he was acting as Xiao Xingchen, but we can’t be sure. However, that isn’t the point. Right now, Wei Wuxian was Xue Yang’s only option because the Yiling Patriarch surely knew things he didn’t. Xue Yang had lived with Xiao Xingchen’s corpse for those seven years, keeping him in pristine condition. I’m pretty sure the only way Xue Yang could have done this was by giving him spiritual energy every day, which would be incredibly draining. I don’t think Xue Yang had an exceptionally strong golden core to begin with either. He is primarily a demonic cultivator, which means he doesn’t use his golden core often. It must have taken most of his strength to keep Xiao Xingchen’s body in such good condition. But anything for daozhang, right? Xue Yang needed Xiao Xingchen’s body to be perfect when he returned. He also put aside his pride and used Song Lan for protection all those years. He kept the one person he continued to hate with a burning passion around him for so long.

When Wei Wuxian tells Xue Yang he can’t bring Xiao Xingchen back to life because his soul is too broken, Xue Yang refuses to believe it. It’s been seven years already; he can’t give up now. Deep down, I believe Xue Yang knows Xiao Xingchen wouldn’t want anything to do with him even if he did come back, but he can’t figure out why. Because nothing was his fault, of course.

Something Wei Wuxian said really struck me as I went back to rewatch episode 39. Before the fight, Wei Wuxian turns to Xue Yang and says, “you disgust him to the core, yet you still want to pull him back to play this stupid game.” Xue Yang responds with “I want nothing of the kind.” And he’s being honest. He doesn’t want a stupid game — he wants something real. He wants a life where Xiao Xingchen knows his identity and stays with him in spite of it. He just wants one person to accept him as he is, but that will never, nor could ever, happen —not with all the crimes he has committed.

When Lan Wangji cut off his arm, leaving Xue Yang bleeding on the ground, I think he knew it was over. There was nothing left for him now. He was never getting Xiao Xingchen back. He never had him in the first place, not in any way that counted. So he laughs, blood spilling from his lips, to cover up the tears he wishes he could cry.

He’s ready when Song Lan stabs him, dying with a smile on his face as he gazes at the last piece of candy Xiao Xingchen had ever given him. It’s blackened and inedible, yet Xue Yang held on to it for so long; it was a reminder of his daozhang and of why he was fighting so hard. Like his character song said, he was “too determined to let go.”

It’s kind of sad that even in death, he was never respected by anyone other than Xiao Xingchen, and all of that was built on a lie. He didn’t even get a proper burial, although I suppose he kind of deserved it. Xue Yang is the character I pity the most in this series. He isn’t a good person, nowhere near it, and he deserved the end he got, but I wish things could have been different. What hurts is that it just as easily could have been Wei Wuxian. If Xue Yang had been taken in as a child; if he’d had his own Jiang Fengmian, his own Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, he could have been happier. Maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe he would have met Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan and started a sect with them. Realistically, he and Xiao Xingchen would never be lovers because Xiao Xingchen was so strongly connected to Song Lan, but I think they could have been friends.

However, one question I still have is did Xue Yang fall in love with Xiao Xingchen because of how he treated him or because of the person Xiao Xingchen really was? If they had met under different circumstances (and if Xue Yang had had a support system when he was young), would Xue Yang have still fallen in love with him? I guess that’s up to the viewer to decide.

Ultimately, Xue Yang is still a sociopath who can’t understand empathy or feel remorse, so I don’t think he regretted any of his crimes. However, I do believe that Xue Yang regretted the consequences of his actions in Yi City. He didn’t want Xiao Xingchen to die, but his actions were what caused his death. It’s more of a dissatisfaction with where things ended up than feeling guilty for his death. Although I don’t think Xue Yang felt remorseful, that doesn’t mean he wasn’t grieving, nor does it mean his feelings for Xiao Xingchen weren’t as genuine as they could have been.

I don’t know where Xue Yang or Xiao Xingchen will end up now, but I hope they’ll both be happy in their next lives. The same goes for A-Qing and Song Lan (when he finally meets his true end). There are so many things that contributed to Xue Yang’s unstable mind, but I think the moral of the story is that it pays to be kind. If just one person had taken pity on him as a child — had shown him that there was good in the world — I wonder what kind of person he would have become.

I already know how cruel fate is

Not looking, not asking, not grieving, not hating

Waiting to relive my life just for a single person

Ups and downs in life

I would leave no regrets

I tried searching in the darkness of night

When I am trapped in the past

I still hope that a flicker of light will appear in my heart

The legend of this lonely city

Who came here before?

And gifted to me my karma

I am waiting for this karma to liberate spirits, liberate souls, and liberate me

Even though I am already too determined to let go

If I get rid of these inner demons

Would you forgive me?

Gaining freedom from destiny, starting all over again

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Serenade (Daniela Dimitrescu/Reader) Pt. 7

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language Warnings: None? I think? Please let me know if I missed something Notes: This is incredibly dialogue heavy, and I actually don't feel as confident about this chapter as some of the past ones? Hopefully y'all like it, I mean at least the ending is cute (or cheesy, depending on who you ask). PS: Not sure how many chapters there will be in total, other than at least 3 more (one of which ill, in fact, get a little h*rny again. actually, h*rnier). Past Chapters: Pt. 1: Nocturne, Pt. 2: Overture, Pt. 3: Accelerando, Pt. 4: Toccata, Pt. 5: Poco a Poco, Pt. 6: Elegy

Chapter 7: Harmony

“We need to talk, yeah?” Daniela asked, nearly stuttering, a sort of nervous that you had never seen her exhibit before. The first thing you think is that she’s really, really cute when she doesn’t know what to do. After that you actually process what she said. Relief floods your chest, followed by warmth, and you make a mental note to thank Bela the next time you see her. In the meantime, you were unable to contain your happiness. Out of instinct you move closer to Daniela, smiling softly, quietly reaching one of your hands towards hers. There’s no hesitance in her response. Instead of taking your hand she pulls you in for a hug, opting to rest her chin against your shoulder. Admittedly you’re a little surprised, but you return the motion nonetheless. “Oh, little songbird…”

Heart racing, you softly press against Daniela, turning your head so that you could place a single, brief kiss against her exposed collarbone. For a moment the two of you just stay like that, holding each other close. When you pull away, remembering that you still hadn’t said anything, you find that Daniela is blushing from the neck up. In turn, the sight makes you blush. You can’t help but reach out and run your fingers through her hair. Though you can’t see yourself, you know your eyes are filled with affection.

“I love when you look at me like this,” Daniela whispered, not entirely meaning to voice her thoughts. Then you’re blushing harder, smile small but sweet. “Mmm, you’re just darling, aren’t you?”

“Not nearly as much as yourself, my Lady. To be in your company is to be the luckiest soul in the world. I cannot even begin to describe the feelings of which you inspire in me,” you replied, trying not to stumble over your words, barely able to process any thoughts other than ‘pretty lady likes me ahh’. Thankfully, you still remembered a few tricks from language arts class. Who knew studying the classics could make you more romantic? At least one English teacher, probably. “I’ll have plenty of time to try, though… after we talk about things, that is. Is there somewhere private we can talk? I’m not terribly eager for your mother to overhear.”

“Are you sure we can’t talk about how much you like me for a while longer?” Daniela asked, faking a pout. When you perk a brow at her antics, she shifts a little, forcing herself to be a little more serious (at least for the time being). “If you insist, my sweet thing. I’d suggest my room-” she winks at you- “but I doubt we’d stay talking for long, would we? Maybe the library? Neither of my sisters tend to go there around this time of day, and I can hardly remember the last time mother went there.”

“Well, no one from the day shift is scheduled to organize things until later this week, so… sounds like a date to me,” you chimed, enjoying the way that Daniela’s face lit up in response. “There’s just one thing I have to take care of first. Wouldn’t want my roommates to think something has happened to me, now would we?” With that said you linked your arm with your partner’s, setting off towards the servants quarters.

—————————————–

“Oh thank goodness, we were starting to get worried!” Daphne exclaimed as you quietly ducked into your room. For a second you freeze in place, hoping to whatever higher powers may be that she hadn’t seen Daniela behind you. Certainly the vampire would have moved out of sight?... Despite your assumption, you do see Daphne hesitate for a moment, gazing at the now closed door. Thinking quickly, you give a little wave to draw her attention elsewhere. Seemingly it works like a charm, with her attention returning to you, and so you release an internal sigh of relief. Now you just had to think of an excuse for why you’d be staying up late.

“It’s fine- I’m fine, really. Just had to carry something for one of the Ladies,” you lied, trying not to be specific enough to possibly contradict facts you weren’t aware of. “I, uh, kinda have to go back out, though? There are some piano books I need to find before tomorrow morning. I’ve already found a few, but apparently there’s at least one that goes over some technical practice songs, and I think D-” you almost wince, but lean into it, stuttering instead- “th-think that Lady Daniela would enjoy the variety. Not sure how long it’ll take me to find the books, so don’t stay up waiting for me. I promise I’ll still get enough sleep to function tomorrow.”

“So the lessons haven’t been canceled? That’s good to hear,” Daphne said, nodding slowly. The words catch you off guard, and you tilt your head to the side in confusion. Noticing your expression, your roommate is quick to explain. “After whatever happened yesterday… we weren’t sure if we’d ever hear you play again. Not that we know what happened, just that Lady Daniela was, well, upset, and you stopped playing sooner than usual. But I suppose if the lessons were canceled completely… I doubt Lady Dimitrescu would let you go that easily, huh?”

Again, you shift awkwardly, wondering how Daniela must feel hearing all of this. But just like that Daphne shakes her head, clearing her thoughts, and gives a little shrug.

“Don’t stay up too late, okay? I know you already promised, but we both know you’ll lose track of time if you aren’t careful. If you aren’t in bed by the time the sun reaches its peak, I swear we are gonna have words!” Both of you laugh before Daphne waves you off with a smile. Still, you wait to open the door until she (and the other maidens) has her back to you. Better safe than sorry, right?

—————————————–

Somehow the room felt different in a million ways, now that you were here with Daniela. There was something about the way she moved, freely, eyes and fingers running down the spines of familiar books. Even if you had not seen it before, it felt like the library was overflowing with magic. What I would give, you think, to see the whole world tinted in shades of her. Again you find yourself blushing as you followed Daniela towards a small sitting area. One of the chairs is practically a recliner, with plenty of space, and you realize what she has planned mere moments before she acts.

Next thing you know, you’re being pulled closer to her, practically lifted into the air. Then you’re falling back, right on top of a giggling Daniela. By the time you’ve regained your senses, you’re in her lap, held just tight enough to keep you from getting up. She’s watching your face closely, smirking with pure satisfaction.

“Are we going to be able to talk like this?” You asked, a little unsure yourself, already distracted by the soft curve of her jawline. Even as you speak you’re eying her, imagining what it would feel like to trail kisses along her skin until she was restless… Thankfully she responds before your mind gets too carried away.

“Of course we are, little songbird. Probably. If you behave,” Daniela teased, gently playing with your hair as she did. You can’t help but laugh when she suggests that you are the one who needs to control yourself. “Alright, alright, I get your point. I just… I think that it’s easier for me to, fuck, I don’t know. Relax? It’s easier for me to relax like this, holding you, getting to kiss that lovely neck of yours-” she pauses to demonstrate- “and that means I won’t freak out like last time. Or so goes my thought process, anyway.”

“In that case…” You’re sitting perpendicular to her now, still holding on tight. One hand cups her cheek, gently caressing the skin, before you lean in for a kiss. The two of you enjoy yourselves for a minute, glad to have this time together, more glad to be reassured of each other’s affection. To think that you wouldn’t even be able to meet her gaze if not for Bela’s intervention… Eventually you pull back, knowing that you did need to talk. “I care about you, firefly, and I want things between us to be real, and healthy, but I…”

The words died in your throat, a lump you couldn’t quite swallow, when memories sprung up like weeds in your brain. Communication mattered to you for a thousand reasons, and you weren’t blind to the irony of one of those reasons making you freeze up.

“I haven’t… done this before, not for real,” Daniela replied, mistaking your paues for uncertainty. “Apparently being an immortal, blood-drinking princess is only attractive in the realm of fiction. Maidens only ever seemed interested in a fleeting rush, or a fraction of a chance at an escape. They didn’t care for romance.” Now her tone gets bitter, and her eyebrows furrow. You can see her shoulders tense up, raising a little, making you try to snap out of your own thoughts for a few moments. By the time she speaks again, you’ve started to gently rub her back. “Maybe I should have paid more attention to my novels. How often does the monster actually get a happy ending?” She says the words with a hollow laugh. Still, she’s relaxed a little under your touch, even leaning into it.

“You’ve… done some bad things. Hurt a lot of people, and I can’t pretend that doesn’t scare me,” you started to say, ignoring the heartache you feel when you see Daniela’s hurt expression. “But you’re more than that. You’re soft, cute, and mischievous. More than that… I can tell that you want something beautiful. We can have that, we can make that, for ourselves, with our own hands and our own desires. But we can’t use stories as a blueprint. We can’t rely on what we’ve read, not when everything the two of us do is brand new. Not when-” you close your eyes, fighting back tears, glimpsing fragments of your last relationship- “not when I’ve already been hurt by my own misconceptions. The things we read aren’t always real, or right, or anything like what we need. What we deserve.”

“Something tells me you’re holding back a little,” Daniela murmured, barely able to get the words out. It almost looks like she’s close to crying, but her cheeks are dry, and her voice is steady. “But you’re right. What we have is better than anyone could write, anyway. You’re my little songbird, and I’m not letting you go anytime soon. Even if I have to figure out this whole ‘communication’ thing. I suppose that means I should… come clean. About a few things.” There’s a clear hesitance to her voice, like she’s embarrassed, and she’s speaking slower than usual. A blush rises to her cheeks before she takes a deep breath.

“We don’t have to talk about everything right now, if you aren’t ready. We’ve already made good progress, I think, even if half of it might be because of your sisters. Well, sister, singular. Cassandra throwing me into that wall really didn’t help anyone. Except maybe the chiropractor I will inevitably need to see,” you joked, remembering your earlier conversation with Bela.

“Hold up for a fucking second, Cassandra did what? I’m going to replace all her paint brushes with stained carpet strips, and that’s if she apologizes. Nobody fucks with my baby,” Daniela snapped, expression as serious as can be. Normally you found her anger to be terrifying. Now that she was directing it at someone else? And on your behalf?... Maybe it was a tiny bit cute. Which you tried to show, by gently bringing her in for another kiss. Of course, Daniela isn’t quite as gentle, instead kissing you hard, holding you as closely as she can. There’s a bit of possessiveness in her grip, and it makes you tense up. But as soon as you do she’s pulling back, breathing hard, eyes weighed down with concern.

“Y’know, I think she was just mad that I made you cry. And if I found out someone made you cry, I would be pretty angry. Not that I’d throw someone, partially because I don’t think I could, but still. It’s… almost cute how much your sisters care about you. Almost, just not quite,” you said, eager to draw the attention away from your reaction. Like you had told Daniela, it was okay if you weren’t ready to talk about everything. “Speaking of that, I can’t believe I haven’t apologized yet. I panicked so much, I didn’t even realize I was yelling until you picked me up. No matter how frustrated I was, I shouldn’t have-”

“Don’t, please,” Daniela interrupted, eyes closing for a moment. “I can’t believe you’re apologizing. I pinned you to the wall, and not for the usual reason!” There’s a bit of panic in her expression, and you get the feeling that she’s beating herself up inside about it. Which, based on what you had thought about what you had done, was understandable.

“Consider this: We both fucked up, and we’ve both acknowledged it now, so we could just… not talk about our regrets? At least for now,” you countered, glad to see Daniela relax and nod in response. Leaning in, you shift to rest your head against her shoulder, wanting to enjoy her proximity more. “Hey… if I’m your songbird, and you’re my firefly… are we, I don’t know… officially a couple now?”

“I was under the impression that we already were,” Daniela said, clearly a little confused. While you technically agreed with her… there was another part of you that wanted to have a little fun.

“You never asked, and I know I never did either, so…” Now you’re looking up at her, smile wide, heart beating faster than normal. “Lady Daniela, firefly of house Dimitrescu, lover of romance novels, player of pianos, keeper of my heart… Will you do me the honor of allowing me to court you? To be yours, officially, in the pursuit of affection and happiness like the village- nay, the world- has never before seen? Will you be my girlfriend?”

“How’s this for an answer, songbird?” Daniela cooed. Then she was lifting your chin from her shoulder, turning her head and bringing you closer. Your lips touch, as gentle as can be. It’s a short kiss, but one radiating with love, that ends with your foreheads pressed against each other. In this moment, you feel like you could stay in her arms for the rest of eternity. “Yes. Absolutely yes, obviously, a thousand times. I could never say no to you, especially not now, with your eyes so desperate for the sight of me, and your lips so begging to be kissed. Now, how about we celebrate, hmm?”

Just as Daphne had predicted, you end up staying awake far too late, but you were all the happier for it.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Can we take a moment to talk about what a tragic character Minerva is? Y’all know that for the longest time I haven’t been the biggest fan of her, and honestly I’m still not? but I think I might’ve had a breakthrough on why that is. 

Whenever I’ve asked around to see why people find her so appealing or why they consider her their favorite, I’ll get answers like, “she’s such a complex character and she deserved a redemption arc!” or “she should’ve come back to the school with us! Let Minnie be happy, you cowards! Telltale did her dirty! I could write paragraph after paragraph about her!” all sorts of things along those lines… but like, no one seems to want to actually talk about her. I find that interesting? Since when I do follow up with a “care to explain further?” I get nothing. Radio static. Like…. no, talk to me please, I just wanna understand-

Minerva within the context of TFS is such a tragedy. She grew up in a school for troubled youth where all the adults left them for death at the start of the breakout, they had walkers trying to eat the living all around them, and I’m sure she saw her fair share of traumatic violence and despair… but on the bright side, she always had her twin sister, Sophie, and little brother, Tenn. She had her friend and eventual girlfriend, Violet. She had music, and a dorm full of pretty paintings done by Sophie. She and Louis composed a song together to make everyone feel better. There are worse places to live than the school. 

Then one day she got traded away to a bunch of raiders against her will, having no idea what the hell these people were gonna do to her and Sophie. They were made to be soldiers to fight in a war that had nothing to do with them. The delta fucking broke her. If we’re to believe Lilly’s story about the twins, they started their brainwashing process early on when Sophie was still alive, and it seems like Minerva was easier to control as Sophie was still planning a way out and causing trouble. Then, when Sophie convinced her to steal a boat and get the hell out, they got caught and the delta forced her to murder her own twin sister. 

Like…. I’m sorry, not only did Minerva kill her own sister, but she was made to believe that was the right thing to do? That line she says about how she had to prove her loyalty to the place she calls home? That shit’s ingrained in her brain, you can tell that isn’t the first time she’s heard or said that very thing. That is what made her family to the delta. Delta is her home now, her family. Sophie was just a thing that needed to be dealt with. You keep your head down, do as you’re told, and you survive.  You survive and you get to go home, eat a hot meal, take a shower, and be with your delta family.  If not, you end up like Sophie.

What’s also fucked is that Minerva actually cares about these people now. Think about that. After everything they did to her and made her do, she’s been trained to see them as her family and obey. When you save Louis and he kills Dorian, Minerva actually cries out and is visibly hurt by her death. When she’s with the other raiders on land, she's screaming at walkers to get away from them. She cares about the people who made her kill Sophie… and no one ever talks about that??

She fucking hates Clementine. Clementine is just another thing in Minnie’s way. I know the part of the fandom likes to ship these two together and they think it’s hot when they fight and shit, but within the canon text, Minerva wants Clementine gone. Dead. She is the thing stopping her from having her old family merge with her new family. If Clementine hadn’t made them fight, they all would’ve been captured and they’d all be a delta family now. She would’ve had Tenn back. 

Clementine is the problem, she made everyone fight back and that’s why people are dead. Minerva hates her for it… it’s not a “I hate you but like the sexual tension, y’know?” that I see people pretend it is, it’s “you are ruining everything and if I have to, I will kill you myself and I won’t give a second thought about it when they toss your body overboard.”

Like….. seriously, think about how fucked up all of this is. Minerva is a husk of who she was before she was taken away. Sure, you do have to keep in mind that when Tenn and Violet are describing her, their sights are a bit clouded, y’know? But I do believe that she was someone who was kind and cared about people, she wanted to make people feel safe and comforted. 

Now she’s a brainwashed soldier who won’t help the people she used to call friends when they’re about to get limbs cut off. She won’t hesitate to knock someone unconscious or threaten a child.  She’s willing to trick them into being captured with no regard for what’s going to happen to them. … all she knows is this was the mission, and now they all get to be together again back at the delta. 

Then when she finds out there’s a bomb on the boat, she ditches Violet to blow up with it in order to make it to land herself. She loses her shit seeing everyone die and gets her face chewed off by a walker… and then she tries to blow Clementine and AJ up with a grenade. 

Oh, and who can forget the fact that she tracks the group down with plans of murdering Tenn so that they can go to a better place together? And she’ll take down anyone who gets in her way?

Like….. jesus christ, Minerva’s waaaaay too far gone. It’s awful. 

I think that’s what stumps me about why she’s so loved in the way that she is. It’s not that I don’t understand why she’s complex and well-written, I get that perfectly fine. She’s a compelling character study when you comb over all her scenes and take different factors into account.

What I don’t understand is why we tend to just throw everything interesting about her away? For what? 

These days, I never see anyone talking about any of this unless they’re insisting she deserved a redemption arc which…. Eh, I’ll touch on this later. What I mostly see here and mostly other platforms is how great it would be if she and Clementine made out, or hey what if she and Violet got back together if she did come back to the school? Or they just….the best term I have for this is “uwu-ify.” As in she’s reduced to a caricature of a tall, pretty, mean, white lesbian who has “good damage.” 

People insist that Telltale are cowards or bastards because their predictions of her turning on the delta to save Clem and crew didn’t happen. Instead, Minerva ends up being the final baddie you gotta get away from, and she ends up taking someone down with her. But did you really expect to just do a 180 and suddenly decide being brainwashed for over a year was lame and Clementine and friends are cool? Gonna help them out and be with Tenn again? Sure, there’s some left over trauma but love conquers and fixes everything, right?

Uh…. no? That’s not how people work? Honestly, if we entertain the idea that Minerva wasn’t bit and somehow didn’t murder Clementine when they all got back to the school…. romance is the last thing she is ever gonna think of??

I think that’s what bothers me most when reading these au’s and rants about redemption and the entire idea of clemerva as a whole. It’s the same thing that I see happen with Violet- Minerva only has value to fans if she’s in a wlw relationship. By herself, she doesn’t matter. They don’t care about her canon story, they don’t care about Sophie, they don’t care about discussing what could’ve happened if she and Tenn reunited under better circumstances or had a healing recovery together. But why?

Throwing a girlfriend at her isn’t some band aid that’s gonna cover up all the bad she went through?? Having an enemies to lovers romance with Clementine isn’t going to fix a years worth of brainwashing, trauma or the fact that she murdered her own sister and the delta told her she's proved her worth to them?? 

Having the support of those around her is a good thing, don’t get me wrong. The idea of the Ericson crew as a whole trying to help her out and do the best they can to accommodate her is bittersweet since there’s only so much they can do. They’re not trained therapists, which is what Minerva would need and plenty of years ahead of her to work through and come to terms with everything that happened as well as taking steps forward. I’m not saying that she shouldn’t have friends or that she couldn’t have a healthy romantic relationship someday... but that isn’t the solution, y’know? 

I don’t know how else to explain this, but it makes me feel weird that all of this stuff is flat out overlooked or doesn’t appear to matter to fans of her. 

Look, I get it. We all want these characters to be happy. AU’s are a thing, after all. Sometimes we want to forget about the bad things and focus on the good that bring us comfort. You wanna gush about the idea of an AU where the twins never got traded, the raiders didn’t exist, and Clementine got to meet them the way they were before? I feel that, AU’s are super comforting and fun to explore, and my point isn’t to try and shame anyone who has an AU you like this. 

Hell, you think I don’t have days where I pretend mute Louis isn’t a thing because the whole concept of Louis having his tongue cut out of his mouth breaks my fucking heart? No, lot’s of days I just want to forget everything about that route, I want to set aside all the bad and just intake as much clouis fluff as I can get…. But that doesn’t mean I always ignore or refuse to acknowledge the bad just because I don’t like it. I fucking hate the fact that Louis loses his tongue when you don’t save him, but guess what? That’s a canon route you can play, just like any other route, and the possibilities that come with a mute Louis are vast and compelling. 

This is how it is for me… my favorite characters are my favorite for a reason, and I take all the bad with the good. Louis isn’t perfect, and I don’t want him to be. I was to dive into his backstory about why did that to his parents, I like to talk about what he went through with Marlon’s murder and his feelings about AJ and Clementine at the point, I like to view his love of music as bittersweet. He can stand on his own, and while he is a love interest for Clementine, that isn’t his only purpose. 

I know everyone’s different, they express their love for characters in their own ways, but I do have a genuine question: do you guys actually like Minerva?

Believe it or not, I’m not trying to step on toes or make everyone feel defensive which I know is how people will react to this. “You’re just saying all of this to make us feel bad for shipping clemerva! You don’t even like Minnie so you don’t get to say shit!” yeah yeah, I hear you and look, it’s true that she’s not my favorite character. I know I’ve said I hate her in the past but upon reflection and throwing out fandom interpretations.... I don’t hate her. I get it now. She’s a great character study to dissect and analyze and I think she deserves more than what the writers and the fandom have given her. 

And yeah, what I do hate is clemerva, and I’ve explained why. It’s not for me, it makes me uncomfortable, but at the end of the day, who cares? Me not liking it doesn’t mean anything to those who create AU’s for them. They have their reasons, they can do as they please as long as they’re not hurting anyone. I’m just here pointing out things I see and things that bother me in hopes of starting a discussion.

There’s my ramble about Minerva. I’m gonna go make some tea now. 

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

I need to share soft sign language buddies ninogami headcanon because they’re taking over my brain always:

(This got so long, so youre welcome if youre also starved for ninogami content)

Nino’s mom is Deaf , so he grew up signing as much as speaking. When he was younger he always signed as he talked.

It turned out he’s also Hard of Hearing, so sign language is way easier for him to understand most of the time.

However, though he’s great at making friends, he’s very awkward when it comes to talking about himself. So never comes up in conversation.

It’s not a self-deprication issue. It’s just a “thinking of things to say is hard and I’d rather have someone else do the talking” thing. He’d rather talk about anyone except himself.

Additionally! He’s great at helping other people, but he’s terrible at asking for help. He does not EVER want to be like “hey i cant understand what you’re saying, my ears dont work great,” its his worst nightmare

And it doesnt help that there have been a few cases of people being rude about it when he doesnt hear them after they repeat themselves. And possibly worse, there have been even more cases of people giving over-the-top apologies instead of just,, telling him what they said. So it’s not worth the trouble in his mind

with his few close friends who still dont know, it feels like its too late and it’d be awkward to bring it up, so he just… doesnt. He’s procrastinating on telling them he cant hear them

He stopped signing as much as he talked in middle school because strangers would always be like “woah thats so cool, how do you know sign language” and he’d just panic because he was an awkward tween, and he didnt know if he was comfortable telling them he was HoH, but ALSO just saying his mom was Deaf and not mentioning himself felt like directly lying by hiding information, so he just took the “lazy” way out and signed less in public.

Sometimes fighting the anxiety was not worth it so he just let it win in that case.

Nino is so nice and energetic and loves people, but he is way more introverted and anxious than his friends think.

But when they start to get closer, Kagami who is ever-observant, notices him signing a little bit, (not ever to her, not ever on purpose, but he’d sometimes sign a word he needed to remember while speaking or sign along to emphasize something)

and she luckily for his anxiety, she doesnt know how to have a normal conversation either.

Her (platonic as well as romantic) love language is studying and research, and Nino seems very cool and she likes him, even if she is awful at holding a conversation with him or doing anything to show it.

She thinks he’s so cool and such an amazing talented kind friend. She has so much love for him that she doesnt know what to do with it. So she channels that energy into learning to sign through the internet and whatever tools she can find

And then after a while of this, she’s like “oh no, he’s gonna think that’s so creepy, I cant tell him I know sign language or he’ll be so uncomfortable”

So, like a whole idiot, she hides that she’s learning sign language from anyone. Because OBVIOUSLY if word got back to Nino, he’d assume it was because of him and that she was a weirdo he shouldn’t be friends with

But also Kagami accidentally falls in love with sign language because she has undiagnosed autism. She always assumed that communicating was just going to be impossible no matter what, but as she gets proficient in sign language she’s like,,, oh,,, OH,, this is very nice

Even just signing while she talks makes it so much easier to keep words and sentances straight, but she only does it when she’s alone with her mother, who is literally blind and would never know.

They become closer friends in late high school, and by that time a lot of Nino’s anxiety has worn off and he’s become completely comfortable letting teachers know when he needs to hear somthing, and middle school feels like a distant dream

At some point, Nino invites Kagami to his house a few times, and he signs with his mom. Nino is like “I can interpret for you,” and Kagami is like “wow thanks, I’m so lucky, because I obviously do not know any sign language, why would I have learned it, and also for the record it is brand new information to me that you can sign,” and Nino is like “cool? Its not a secret but im glad i told you if you somehow didnt already know,” and Kagami is like, “yep :)”

But then eventually as they become really close, they are texting one night, (Kagami can still barely get out of her house, so they need to communicate remotely. And both of then HATE phone calls bc its so hard to understand whats happening, but neither of them have admitted this to anyone)

Nino admits that he likes using sign language better than talking, and he wishes he could use it with his friends, but he’d feel so guilty asking them to learn an entire language just to make him slightly more comfortable. He can talk and hear OKAY so he shouldnt put the pressure on them.

and Kagami is like “you could always ask, worst case scenerio they say no, and i dont think thats an unreasonable demand” and nino is like “it is though,” and kagami’s like “ok so haha funny story, please dont hate me” and nino is like, “…what.” And kagami confesses everything and nino is like “why… why would i hate you for that?” And Kagami is like “oh wait youre right im stupid,”

And then Nino’s also like “hey if YOURE more comfortable signing too, then why dont YOU ask your friends to sign for you. Do you see what i mean? It’s hard to ask-” and kagami is like, “as your friend i will prove it is not.”

So then Kagami ends up confronting Adrien and Marinette the next day and is like “Hi. This is a sign language dictionary. Learn from it.” And they’re both like “what?” And she’s like “oh wait sorry. Backing up. I’m autistic. I decided like three years ago. Forgot to tell you. And I need you to learn to sign a little bit so you can understand if i sign something at you. If you want, of course. Please :D.” And theyre like “ok sure yeah i can do that.”

(Theyve already learned and accepted that shes extremely direct in asking for things)

So then she texts nino and is like “i did it. Youre welcome.”

But anyway both of them are uncomfortable in crowds and parties: Nino cant hear anyone and Kagami tends to get sensory overload, so they start signing mostly in those situations, and then it starts to sink in that they’re allowed to sign whenever and that the other really IS also comfortable with it.

(Both of them are much more willing to make sacrifices for others than to try something new and intimidating for themself, so this is the perfect situation to trick them into getting out of their comfort zone, ironically by trying to be more comfortable in the long run)

so they will just sit together and hang out and have long conversations while just chilling somewhere in a park or at cafes or whatever. Both of them become chattier than they’ve ever been because talking and understanding is so much easier, and its addicting

And their close friends all become proficient enough in sign language to have simple conversations.

But also Nino and Kagami start sitting together automatically even in group hangouts, and they start hanging out more with just the two of them, and soon neither of them feel bad about asking to hang out in quieter places, because they can justify it knowing that it will also help the other one, and together that makes both of them also more comfortable asking for little accomodations from other friends, if only to prove to the other that they can do it too.

And Kagami has the lesser-known autism side effect where she makes WAY TOO MUCH eye contact. She’s aware of it but that doesnt make it go away. Normally she feels so awkward about it, and overthinks her gaze because she doesnt want to scare people away. But when signing, you literally HAVE to be watching the other person constantly, so she has an excuse to just be herself, and its so relieving

(and also its kind of fun to look at Nino anyway because he can get so animated and his smile is really nice and oh no she is in love a little bit)

And Nino always struggles because he emotionally ALWAYS needs to be the nice polite one. His anxiety sometimes gets the better of him and he’s constantly worried about sending the wrong signals to his friends and coming off as rude somehow. But with Kagami, he can literally just ask?? And she will tell him her honest opinion without making it weird. And its so comfy and so good and he really loves hearing her unfiltered opinions on so many things because she sees the world in such a unique way and she gets so passionate about such little things and then oh no, he is fallen for her before he can realize it

And they also learn that they’re both artists, they both love to just observe the world because even if they;re awkward, people are actually pretty great most of the time, and its fun to observe them and try to capture the world, and they just sit together and sketch, or they watch each other sketch, and the thing is, both of them draw ONLY FOR THEMSELVES, its not a ‘skill,’ and they don;t want it to be, its just private art for relaxation. Somehow, though, its okay if they share their art with each other. They can just sit in comfortable silence for hours while one of them sketches something and the other watches patiently

And they start to get more comfortable with one of their heads resting on the other’s shoulder as they watch them doodle, and sitting so close their legs press together, and soon enough their hands start brushing against each other’s as they walk next to each other and then all of a sudden they’re casually holding hands whenever they’re not signing because it’s nice

They try to share headphones so Nino can share some of his favorite songs and his compositions with Kagami. But try as she might, Kagami can not handle the sensory of only having one earbud in. Nino knows her tells by that point, and he’s not about to let her suffer for a stupid reason, but she REALLY does want to hear his music. They somehow end up with Kagami putting a pair of headphones around her neck and turning up the volume a little bit so she can hear, while Nino rests his head on her shoulder so he can hear just enough to know where she is in the song

And then he has to sit up and scootch away just enough to see her hands so they can talk about it, and they both pretend not to notice how nice it was to snuggle as they sign. Its fine, though, because now they get the excuse to just look at each other again and sign overdramatically with exaggerated facial expressions, and no one else around can overhear their conversation, and Nino likes to go a little over the top when signing onomatopoeia and acting out particular parts of the song rhythm that he likes, and Kagami laughs, and they both mentally save the image of each other in this moment the same way that they look at reference images for artwork, memorizing the lines of each movement and the things that make each smile unique,

and Nino also shows up at every single one of her fencing tournaments, and he sits as close as he can and signs encouraging messages to her from the crowd whenever she’s not actively competing, (that her blind mom can never catch, which is somewhat of a bonus to Kagami, because every element of their friendship that her mother cant interact with makes this more personal and special and HERS). Every little sign she sends back at him, even a simple thank you, always feels so good and rebellious and free because shes supposed to be focusing on fencing but shes deciding to care more about friendship. And even if she’s expected to leave immediately afterword, she’ll find every excuse possible to find him and give him a hug, which he’ll always accept even though she jokingly warns him shes sweaty and gross

And eventually they are special best friends and it brings them instant joy to see each other and theyre able to interact for no reason other than that they want to and like each other

(And then they kiss)

[thechangeling]

Ok first of all this is based on my own personal feelings and preferences. Not every autistic person is going to agree with this list. If you are autistic and you have things you wanna add on then feel free just don't try and start fights with me I will block you.

Things to avoid:

-No more super smart genius type autistics. We already have enough. No more.

- Hot take maybe, but no more white boys. We already have enough.

-  Don't make them a horrible asshole with no feelings or no respect for other people's feelings.

- Don't make them overly self absorbed or extremely selfish or narcissistic.

- That being said, don't make them a perfect saint either who is always kind to everyone. We can be occassionally cruel or selfish. We do make mistakes and hurt people. The trick is making sure that it's a balence.

- If this sounds complicated and contradictory... well yeah. The human condition is complicated and we are people. (Shocking I know/s)

- Don't characterize them like a child if they're an adult or a teenager. Don't infantalize them.

- If you make them have low empathy, don't equate low empathy to no feelings and no compassion.

- No more science or math special interests. Too many!!! Or trains!!

- Don't have their personal character development or big moments happen in someone else's pov. Or if they do, you HAVE to write about how they feel about it at some point.

- Don't make them have a perfect memory I'm sick of that shit.

- Don't make them absolutely perfect at their special interest or know absolutely everything about it. We make mistakes sometimes.

- Don't describe them as special or gifted or blessed.

- If other characters say ableist shit about them, make sure the narrative clearly shows that it's wrong.

- Do not make the autistic character forgive someone for being ableist and immediately become friends with them.

- Do not use person first language, functioning labels, or the term aspergers.

- Do not give them a bad fashion sense. My flawlessly dressed autistic self is sick of this.

- Don't have them not understand any figures of speech or metaphors. This is overdone. Some autistic people are fine with most figures of speech once we know what it means and will even use them.

- DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT CONSULT AUTISM SPEAKS!

- Do not take advice from parents with autistic children.

- Don't have them using super fancy language. Sure some autistic people talk like that but not many in my experience.

Things to do:

- This one is crucial. In all my 21 years on this earth I have NEVER encountered a canon autistic character that was allowed to hold a grudge for a significant amount of time. LET US HOLD GRUDGES 2021!!!!

- Let us be angry! Especially if you are writing a female character!! And do not demonize her for her anger.

- Let us do adult things if you are writing an adult character. Or teenage things if you are writing a teenage character. This involves swearing, drinking, dressing proactively, driving or engaging in sexual relationships and having sexual feelings. Not every adult needs to do these things to be an adult of course, but we are usually gate kept from doing these things because we are infantalized.

- Ace and Aro autistics absolutely do exist! However autistic people are usually stereotyped as not having "those kinds of feelings" so if you really want to make them aro or ace or both, really examine why.

- If you do make them ace please don't make them a "sweet innocent baby who doesn't even know what sex is"

-Just please don't fall into bad stereotypes for ace and aro characters.

- Give them diverse special interests like random movies or tv shows. We tend to like scifi and fantasy a lot. But that's not a given.

- Make them artsy or give them an interest in music. Maybe make them a singer or have them play in a band?

- Do make them a fan of rock or alternative or indie music!!! I never see that! Or even heavy metal!

- Preferably make them queer/LGBTQ we tend to not be straight especially if you're afab.

- Most of us are nonbinary, I would suggest making your autistic character nonbinary but you don't have to.

- Have them be more sensory seeking then sensory avoidant

- Have them be a motion stimmer or an auditory stimmer (have them stim by blasting music or dancing or jumping up and down, spinning around in circles, spinning on a rolling chair etc.)

- Give them an interest in fashion or makeup (not neccesarily a special interest.)

- Let them have other interests besides a special interest. We have other things we like, they just aren't as importent to us.

- Have them be stubborn but understand why and make sure the readers/audience understands.

- WRITE THEIR POV!!!!

- Write them having shutdowns instead of meltdowns.

- Don't have them constantly compromising on shit or compromising easily.

- Write them having a completed relationship with morality and "goodness."

- If they aren't aro, write them feeling very intense romantic love that consumes and overwhelmed them.

- Have them feeling very intense emotions in general.

- Have them showing love in autistic ways, ie bringing people gifts and quoting shit, parallel play etc.)

-If they are not ace or ace but not sex repulsed, if they are an adult, and you are comfortable writing it have them be hypersexual and also preferably kinky. This is actually really common in my experience.

- Have them show frustration at having to live in a neurotypical, ableist world that wasn't made for them.

- Have them struggle with communicating their feelings and finding the right words to describe their feelings.

- Have them use quotes to describe their feelings or song lyrics.

- Let them be entitled to their space and their freedom.

- Give them trust issues. Look I don't want to be defined by trauma any more then the next autistic person, but it's kind of where we're at you know?

- Have them be a little paranoid about whether or not people actually like them.

- Let them have stuffies and stim toys and chewies. They don't have to be store bought they can be home made.

- Have them be hyper-empathetic. I've never seen an autistic hyper-empathetic character before.

- Have them be good with cats.

- Have them be a good dancer/enjoy dancing.

- Have them do facial stims like scrunching up their face or twitching their nose.

- Have them lose speech during a meltdown or a shutdown and have to write things down or use a communication device for awhile.

- Have them be a bad student or struggle with school.

- Have them hate math please I will love you forever!!!!

- Have them engage in echolalia (when you hear something that sticks out to you and you repeat it back over and over again)

- Make them sarcastic! Lots of autistic people are actually really sarcastic.

- Have them struggle with executive dysfunction.

- Show them showing signs of autistic happiness!! Like happy stimming. When I get really excited I tend to shreak and jump up and down or I flap my hands or bang them against a nearby table.

- Allow them to fuck up.

- In terms of grief, have them have very emotionally delayed reactions to grief. I reccomend research autistic peoples experiences with loss specifically if you are going to make this part of the story.

- Have them experience a lot of emotional delays where things don't hit them right away.

- Have them disassociate in traumatic situations.

- Make sure in general you understand their motivations as you're writing them. Don't just have them do things because "weird quirky autistic character!"

- Give them autistic friends and let them interact with the community!

I know I'm probably forgetting stuff, but this is all I can think if for now. If you have any questions about anything or any of the points I made let me know.

[alexbllake]

Fresh Roses - Emily Prentiss x Reader

spare tip, ma'am?

a/n: based on this song.

taglist: @temilyrights // @utterlycomplicated // @sweetprentiss // @emilyprentisslittlewhore //  @ssa-sapphic //

You have been planning for weeks now, you wanted it to be perfect and romantic like in the movies you watched with her during your free time. That's what she deserved, a perfect proposal with roses and everything.

You always dreamed about marrying and having a family, but you never imagined that it would feel so euphoric. The effort you had to make to keep from proposing right there in the middle of the bullpen every time you saw Emily was immense.    

Normally you would ask Penny for help, but you knew that the woman couldn't keep a secret, even if her life depended on it. You ended up asking JJ to help you with the ring and the planning, and you asked Rossi to teach you a couple of recipes so you could cook for her.

Choosing the ring was the hardest part, you needed something that expressed all the love and adoration you felt for her. You couldn't settle for nothing less than perfection, so you dragged JJ through innumerous stores during the day, hoping to find the perfect ring for Emily. After browsing through hundreds of rings, you finally found the one, the perfect ring for the perfect woman.

Not wanting to risk it, you begged JJ to keep it in her house until the day you had planned everything and you took all the precautions to make sure nothing would go wrong or ruin the day you had it planned for you and her.

 You bugged Hotch for a day off so you could set up the apartment with decorations and cook her dinner without worrying about being called on a case. The trick part was to keep Emily distracted enough to give you time to finish your preparations. You enlisted JJ to make sure Emily spent the day out.

Everything was going great, the food was almost done, the apartment was clean and decorated with candles and roses. 

You looked at the clock and realized that Emily was going to arrive at any moment, giving the last touches as you hurried to the living room and waited for her to arrive.

“Baby, I'm home” Emily called

“Hello, my love” you said kissing her “I made dinner for us”

“You didn't have to” Emily replied.

Emily knew you were planning something, you were being all secretive with JJ for the past week, but she didn't wanted to ruin whatever surprise you had for her, she settled in to watch you from afar, mind wandering about what you were scheming with the blonde.

What you didn't know was that Emily also had a surprise for you, and that surprise was very well hidden in the back of her wardrobe for the past week.

“wow” said Emily incapable of forming a complete sentence when she saw the dinner room all decorated with roses and scented candles “ this is beautiful”

“Come sit” you called, pulling the chair out for her.

After serving her with food and wine, you sat on the opposite side of the table, and you asked her about the food.

“It's all delicious,” she said after swallowing and taking a sip of wine.

You spent the entire dinner trying to control your nerves; they were killing you and you didn't wanted Emily to realize how nervous you actually were. Each bite you took brought you close to the end of your plan. You tried to eat slowly as the insecurities started to wash over you.

What if she said “no”? 

No, no, you couldn't think about that right now, you don't think you could handle it if Emily said “no”.

“I was going to wait for before dessert, but i think i will explode if I do” you blurred out

“What is it? “The older woman asked.

“I had this whole speech prepared for you, but all i can think is that i love you and i want to spend the rest of my life with you” you said pulling the little box from under the table “I love you in a way i thought i would never love anyone, i know it's cliché and sappy, but you deserve it all, all the sappy and romantic gestures, all the things we only see in those romantic movies and much more. And I will make it my life's mission to make you feel loved and cherished every day. So, Emily Prentiss, will you marry me?”

“Wait” Emily said, jumping out of the chair and running towards the bedroom.

You were left speechless with her actions. That wasn't the reaction you were expecting from her. You were ready to start  crying when she came back with both of her hands hidden behind her back.

“Y/n, my love” she said “I also have a surprise for you”

You watched as Emily kneeled in front of you and pulled a little box. She opened it, showing you the most beautiful ring you ever saw.

“Marry me?” she asked, smiling

“Yes!” you said, tackling her into a hug.

You were the happiest person in the world right now. Tears formed in your eyes and you let them fall onto your cheeks. You kissed Emily passionately, trying to convey all the love you felt for her into the kiss.

“Don’t cry, babe” Emily said, breaking the kiss and using the back of her hand to dry your tears 

“I’m so happy” you said “but wait, you didn’t answered my question!”

“Yes, of course I will marry you” she replied laughing.

[sleepypaladiknight]

OK FIC IDEA:

that one au where you can hear your soulmate singing out loud in your head- but leopika

leorio wasn’t much of a singer as a child- the impoverished corner of the world he lived in didn’t have much music to sing to, either. the closest he’s got were the staticky, muffled and clipped tunes that rattled out of the neighbor’s radio. that’s why he’s always preferred listening- listening to his soulmate’s songs.

it was in a language he didn’t understand, but it was the clearest, sweetest music he’s ever heard. he memorized those humble tunes and lullabies, tracing the foreign syllables over and over with his tongue and humming the melodies nobody but him and his soulmate knew. he carved his soulmate’s voice into his mind, bragging to Pietro about his melodic partner and how he couldn’t wait to meet him.

then one day they stopped.

he found it coincidental- that it was on the same day Pietro passed away from illness. but it was fitting- it was a day where all the music and life left him.

as years went on his hopes of hearing his soulmate’s comforting tune dwindled away, but the music and the tunes he cherished so much as a boy remained, even as he learned new songs to sing to in the world around him. he’d sing out as loudly as he could, the raunchiest and most irritatingly popular songs he knew on some days, hoping offhandedly to lure the music from his partner again and hear that kind, soft voice just one more time. it never worked.

so, he swore to never sing that song, that one soft melody, until he heard it from his soulmate themself.

then he met kurapika. a guy who didn’t sing at all, and whose expression alone sang out his melancholies. his voice was prim and strict, the annoying, uppity kind that made Leorio’s blood boil, but it was familiar.

in the confines of trick tower, the topic began to stray.

“your soulmate must love your singing.” he teased.

the blond seemed to hesitate, and didn’t meet his eye. “i don’t care about soulmates.” kurapika’s voice sounded almost sad. “it would be for the better if mine never meets me at all.”

“yeesh, that’s real positive of you.”

“and what about you?” he said almost accusingly. “what do you think of your soulmate?”

“i don’t care about my soulmate, either,” he bit out, “but it’s for a good reason. mine stopped singing to me.”

“they must have their reasons.”

“which are probably as pompous and bratty as you!”

then they were back to their usual bickering. life went on, and his ambitions neared with every step of the journey he completed. their little group parted ways to chase after their own interests and dreams, and for around a year, leorio never saw one of them face to face.

then kurapika showed up on a cloudy evening, after billions and gazillions of ignored calls and texts left on delivered. they exchanged apologies and grievances and angers, embraced each other and shared glances that lasted a few seconds too long as they talked.

for some reason, kurapika had a strained look on his face when leorio began to sing the lyrics to some queen song. he wouldn’t even look at him, but leorio shrugged it off as usual angsty behavior.

they found themselves on the rickety balcony of leorio’s cheap apartment, looking out over the city.

“so, still given up on your soulmate?”

kurapika said nothing.

“well, me too, i guess.” he sighed out. “i lied to you- back at the exam when i told you i didn’t care about my soulmate. i,” he laughed, a bittersweet sound, “i actually cared a lot. it just felt easier to deny it. it’s... pretty damn hard facing the idea that maybe my soulmate really doesn’t care anymore, doesn’t want to meet me. maybe they’re gone. maybe they hate my voice or something- from what i remember, they were a hella good singer. nice, bright voice and everything. maybe they didn’t wanna end up with someone musically talentless like me. maybe that one time i sang ‘call me maybe’ in the shower was the last straw.”

and to his delight, it drew a soft chuckle from the blonde leaning against the railing next to him, arms brushing and shoulders touching. his hair looked like silver in the moonlight. still, kurapika didn’t reply.

so leorio forged on.

“i, uh, already told you my soulmate stopped singing. like, completely. but i still remember the songs they used to sing. they were a huge comfort to me when i was little, when things were hard and a little bit of song was something people couldn’t even afford. i didn’t even know what the words mean, still don’t, but all i know is that they meant the world to me.” leorio glanced at kurapika with a sheepish smile. “wanna hear? so maybe you can hunt down the bastard that left me hanging?”

“sure.” his voice was scratchy, almost pained.

and leorio began gently. kindly. he was sure his accent was off- it didn’t roll off his tongue as fluently as it did for his soulmate all those years ago. but the sounds and the tune was the same- the one that he’s devotedly committed to memory, the one that he hastily wrote down on a piece of binder paper as a reminder of the comfort his soulmate used to bring, the one that he swore to never forget- it was his soulmate’s last song.

when he tapered off into absentminded humming, he realized kurapika was crying. his eyes were blown wide, flecks of magenta shimmering across the deep, scarlet hue of his irises. tears rolled down his soft, pale cheeks, glinting like diamonds in the moon’s embrace, falling on a dampened shirt that clasped trembling shoulders. leorio felt clumsy and dumb, trying to soothe kurapika, asking him what was wrong, if he was okay- then kurapika began to choke out words, rubbing away at his eyes with his arms.

“how do you know that song.” it wasn’t a question, it was a demand.

“i already told you, my soul-“

“no. you don’t understand. it’s a very personal song. a traditional song.” kurapika teared up again, liquid sadness welling up in his eyes. “it’s a song- a lullaby- that i’ve forgotten for the longest time. it’s my mother’s.”

leorio gaped, “your mom was my soulmate?!”

“no, you idiot!” Kurapika couldn’t help but laugh through his tears, beating a fist against leorio’s chest. they burst into a fit of laughter, boisterously cackling in the silence of the night, overpowering the honking cars in the streets below and the sound of their worries adrift in their heads. nothing but them existed.

kurapika’s hand remained there, on leorio’s chest, starting to clench at the fabric of his dress shirt. they were silent, for seconds, minutes, maybe hours, until Leorio’s hand drifted up to meet it, brushing gently against the soft, scarred skin of Kurapika’s slender fingers.

“i’m sorry.” kurapika whispered softly, barely above his breath. “i wasn’t fair to you. you were always trying, always singing to me.”

leorio couldn’t speak.

“i’ve been hearing your voice for years now. you and your- your stupid songs-“ he laughed out, but it sounded more like a choked sob.

leorio couldn’t breathe.

“i didn’t mean to make you lose hope. but i was hoping you would, so you wouldn’t chase after someone like me.”

leorio couldn’t think.

kurapika was leaning closer, voice growing quieter and quieter until they had to be inches apart to hear, to exchange words.

“i couldn‘t bring myself to sing. i didn’t have a reason to, not anymore. not after what happened to my clan. i noticed you stopped singing for a time, too. but it only took months before you began again, gaining more momentum with every song. i envied you and your strength.”

kurapika had started to shake, small frame shuddering against leorio’s. without thinking, he brought his other hand up to thumb away a tear that had begun trickling down kurapika’s face.

“i wanted to sing to you too, but all the songs i wished to teach you had disappeared from my memory. i was so preoccupied with my goals, that i... i began to forget the things that mattered more. what the faces of my family and my old friends looked like. what the lukso sunlight felt like on my skin, or how the grass felt underneath my feet. what the croons of a happy piko bird sounded like, or how beautifully blue the sky was on a sunny day. what my mother’s voice sounded like, what the words to her songs were, i, i-” kurapika sobbed, “i betrayed myself and my entire clan. i thought i had truly lost them and the part of myself that i swore i wouldn’t let die.”

their foreheads fell together, touching reassuringly. kurapika’s eyes fluttered closed as he spoke, body rendered as fragile as his voice, his feelings, his heart. leorio held each with careful, treasuring hands.

”i’d become a monster. a stranger in the same body i walked my home with. i thought- i thought that my soulmate didn’t deserve someone like that. someone like me.” he heaved out, chest shuddering with every quiet breath, “you don’t deserve someone like me, and i could never-“

and leorio shut that bullshit up with his lips.

they slotted together perfectly. call him disgustingly cheesy, sappy, any romantically insulting insult you could throw- but it felt like harmony. it felt so beautiful, his emotions crescendoing and his heart thrumming mercilessly in his chest as it fitted against kurapika’s. those soft, slightly chapped lips, damp from the tears that had trickled past them, felt perfect on his, like his lips were made to meet them. and just as easily as he had lost the music and life all those years ago, it was returned to him, in the form of a blond, pressed up against him and demanding for more, more, more with his mouth, hands all over his shoulders, fingers tangled in hair, breathing in each other, kissing like it was the very last thing they could do.

when they parted, leorio let himself get intoxicated by the sound of kurapika’s panting, drunk on the soft sounds that spilled past his lips like music.

”cut- cut the crap,” he breathed out, pulling kurapika closer by the waist and burying his head in his head of gold. ”for the rest of my life, stop talking. and start singing.”

[scorpiosanssexy]

Pick a card reading: What makes you so attractive to others + bnha characters who would highkey simp for you

Hiya i am back, this spread basically highlights all of your attractive qualities about yourself (and yes you do have them) with the added additon of a hidden talent and how you can better love yourself. 

My favourite part of this reading is at the bottom I have included My hero characters that would very much swoon if you even spoke to them (in other words they have a crush). 

I was going to do 4 piles for this reading but everytime i tried to do the 4th one i kept getting really bad headaches so i decided against it. 

All you need to do is look at the anime food photos infront of you and pick the one you were first drawn to and then scroll below to your reading. I hope you enjoy it and that this reading does reasonate with you.

Stay safe and healthy

Pile 1 (Watermelon)

Why you are so amazing

The traits and simply make you, you. 

The Sun: I literally squealed when this card came out of the deck, like chaotic babies unite. This card represents all things happy, you just have this cheerful personality that brings so much joy to others like even with the doom and gloom around us you still manage to keep on smiling which is honestly a massive talent. For some reason (if there are any MHA fans in the building) I thought of Mirio who is always so upbeat and ready to help others in need, I feel like this is definitely you. To me, the idea of being a really good storyteller came into my mind like the sun represents the performative aspects of life so just naturally grabbing that audience's attention is something you are so good at and I am never ever bored in your company. Looking at the picture of the card there is a little child riding a horse, you have this childlike innocence and curiosity which is the most adorable thing ever but I feel like sometimes people underestimate your intelligence and capabilities. I would like to say that the child on the card is sitting in a very confident manner and is controlling the horse with ease which suggests to me that you do have this deep maturity about you too which people tend to forget, the fact you can go from loud and upbeat to quiet and introspective is so cool and amazing as Hannah Montana says “you got to live the best of both worlds”. One final message is that it is ok to feel sad and that you don’t have to be optimistic all the time, you are not a burden and many people will rush towards you full of love and support. 

Page of Swords: seeing this card after drawing the sun made a lot of sense in my mind, the page represents youthful energy and the swords are all to do with our intellect and abstract concepts (like of like air in astrology) so you might be a bit of a bookworm or you like to learn more about things like tarot or astrology. What I can say is that you know a little about a lot which is super amazing because you always have some random fact tucked into your brain, you would be great on a quiz team. You are so witty and funny too like I can imagine people are always bent over laughing whenever they are in your company and if you do not believe me then I can guarantee that is what they say to other people when talking about how cool you are. Quite the chatterbox on your school reports I can imagine the teacher said that you may have “talked a bit too much” but you can’t help it, you do love to socialise. Looking at the picture on the card the page is surrounded with clouds so I can imagine you are a little bit of a daydreamer which is very endearing and sweet you can’t help it physics the last thing on a Friday is just so incredibly boring, you come up with the grandest ideas and no one knows how like why didn’t they think of that you are a natural outside the box thinker. Lastly, I think the Page of Swords is a very good problem solver sure it might not be the most straightforward solution if you solve your problems in a way which works for you, you do not follow convention and are proud to be an innovator and that deserves a reward in itself. 

The Lovers: the most romantic card in the whole deck, my goodness you are a hopeless romantic, you love to daydream about all the possibilities and you might also believe in soulmates, personally I think it is very sweet and we need more idealist in this world because sometimes reality can seem so bleak. I just know in my heart that you would be one of the best s/o ‘s ever like you would do all the cute romantic gestures like buying roses and leaving cute notes around their room like I am actually gonna go and squeal in a pillow because of how precious you are. The Lovers also indicate that you know who you are and you know what your morals are, whilst you may be an idealist you don’t let people walk all over you that’s for sure, you stand up for yourselves and for others and are the voice for the people who cannot be heard. You make a very good public speaker too (you should give it a go deffo) and are very clever with your words as the Lovers are ruled by Gemini. A scenario which popped into my head was somebody thinking you flirted with them but in actual fact, you were just being friendly. Looking at the picture of the card the background appears to look like the garden of Eden for some odd reason the first kind of trait is you being able to make yourself at home anywhere. The Garden of Eden represents paradise so like you can naturally find your “paradise” in a different location or with a group of people perhaps the word I am looking for is spontaneous whatever it is I feel like that is something you can do. My last message is that you sometimes doubt yourself and your decision-making skills. What I have to say is that trust your intuition and go for it, don’t get too caught up in your head because you do not need to, you have excellent observation skills already. 

Hidden Talent

Perhaps something you might not have been aware of 

Knight of Swords: You are very ambitious, I feel like many people do not see that due to your sunny exterior but once you have a goal in mind there is no stopping you. You remind me of the Queen song “Don’t stop me now” like your life is always so fast-paced. When the situation calls for it you can leave that page of sword persona and step up into the role of the knight and take charge of the situation. You are assertive and direct as I think some of you reading this reading today may feel like you are a bit of a doormat but I can confidently say you are not. Also, you are extremely intellectual, you may not be academically intelligent but it’s more that you are very eloquent and can debate with ease, like you can break down someone else’s point and explain how they contradict one another or how they don’t add up. On the card itself, the knight is wearing the colour blue, according to colour theory blue is representative of Logic and wisdom. Another big indicator of how smart you really are not a himbo by any means. You do have a very logical side to yourself that perhaps you don’t even realise you are using like you are very good reasoning out things (sorry that this is so vague my mind had gone all foggy). Blue is also a very calm colour so you are definitely a very tranquil kind of person too, you do not stress out often and you don’t let high-pressure situations get the better of you. You truly are cool as a cucumber. Writing this currently, I feel so peaceful, like you create a sanctuary for people. 

How to love yourself

We all have our down days so here are some tips and tricks to make you feel better 

2 of Coins: I feel like the universe here has kind of given you two options here. Usually, this card indicates a need to be flexible and have to juggle things around if in this case I do not believe it is your message. I wanted to look at the image, especially the two pictures inside the coins. The first one is the weighing scales which are perfectly balanced which I interpreted as being the symbol of Libra. Being patient with yourself and saying kind words to yourself can be very healing, a tactic could maybe leave post notes in nice places so whenever you walk around the room. Definitely pamper yourself when you deserve it. The message I am getting from this card is that you are too harsh on yourself and never give yourself the self care you deserve, get that face mask and blast a bit of Megan, be the princess/prince you deserve to be. On the other part of the coin is a picture of a big moon with a tiny sun in the middle, my interpretation comes back to the sun card and you feel like you always have to hold this cheery facade. The moon represents our emotions specifically our anxieties and fears with it being bigger so with it being the bigger image I feel like in order to love yourself you are going to need to express your emotions in a healthy way whatever mechanism works best for you, for me ranting to a close friend always helps but other people prefer to journal or use a creative outlet which is fine too. Lastly, as I mentioned at the top the 2 of coins indicates that you have lots of projects in your life so maybe if you immerse yourself in those you can unlock the true path to good self esteem. 

Bnha characters who highkey have a crush on you 

Bakugou, Jirou, Shindo, Shigaraki and Midnight (maybe sir nighteye) 

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Pile 2 (Ramen)

Why you are so amazing 

The traits that simply make you, you

The Star with the 2 of Swords: these cards both fell out at the exact same time with the star on top and the 2 of swords behind so I decided to use the swords card as a clarifier one. I say this about a lot of the cards but i can tell that the star is one of my faves 100% it represents hope, creativity and calm. The first kind of trait that came into my head when this card popped out is that you always shine wherever you go, you are just gifted at everything, some of you think you may be the burnt out gifted child but you are not, you still glow even if you can’t see it yourself and people are in awe (and somewhat intimidated by you) because of your success and achievements. Looking into the actual meaning you are the type of person to never give up, the star is a sign that your wishes are coming into fruition, if something doesn’t go according to plan you do not dwell on it too much and brush yourself up again and carry on which is amazing considering the circumstances we are in. The word I was looking for is resilient and persistent. You don’t let the haters stop you from doing your thing. You have a calming disposition and I imagine your role is the mediator of the friendship, like you just have the most soothing presence. I want to go into more detail about the fact the star is ruled by Aquarius because that fact seems to keep sticking out for me, I trait we never talk about in regards to aquarius is that they can in fact be great leaders, they are the trendsetters of the zodiac so I feel like you prefer to live life your own way rather than copy others which I admire you for because going against the current is hard. Because of your actions I feel like  you inspire others whenever you know this or not (spoiler alert you do). Another thing that has sprung to my mind is that I feel like you can be quite mysterious. Everybody is so intrigued by you wanting to know what is going on in your mind. With the 2 of swords being there too, it usually indicates that a decision needs to be made however looking at the picture the lady is confidently holding the 2 swords which suggests to me that you are a very decisive person and once you set your mind to something there is no stopping you. You are much more talented than you give yourself credit for so never stop shining.

The Hierophant: this made me very intrigued about your reading when this card fell because the star and the hierophant kind of have contrasting energies since the H is ruled by Taurus. The Hierophant stands for knowledge and education, you probably take your studies quite seriously or you naturally maintain good grades throughout the year (which i think is so cool), you are the person who forms a study group to help their dumbass friends  so that they don’t fail the finals and honestly as someone who is a member of the dumbass friend squad without people like you in the world I wouldn’t have any educational qualifications. Helping others is second nature to you, always quick to give a helping hand with those in need. The Hierophant is a responsible figure so that in turn means so are you, you always make sure that everything is done on time and that your drunk friends get home safely, others may say you can be a little bit too serious but I have to disagree, your organisation skills are amazing and if I ever met you you will probably be my idol. Looking at this cards ruling sign Taurus, not a lot of people realise how ambitious a taurus can be (most people think quite the latter but remember there is a reason that taurus is an earth sign), you have big plans for yourself and I feel like you definitely prioritise your career over other aspects of yourlife, your drive and commitment to yourself and others is truly amazing and promise me you won’t be too hard on yourself because as some random kardashian once said “you are doing amazing sweetie”. 

Knight of Pentacles: this card is the CEO of detail, the knight is a figure who is very happy to serve the king and with it being in the suits of pentacles no detail will be missed out. You are incredibly observant of others one example that popped into my head is that you can tell what others are thinking through either body language or just how they communicate (take this if it resonates with you) or maybe you are simply very organised. Either way your amazing perception is something that goes unnoticed by others so I believe this card fell from the deck as a chance to give you the credit you deserve. You are incredibly hard working, the knight is always alert and on duty so no matter the day of the week you are working, it can be school work or passion projects you are constantly trying to achieve the best version of yourself, make sure you have a break and have a kit kat y’know. The knight is patient who works diligently towards his goals which I think you very much channel, like you are so kind and patient towards anyone, always offering to listen to other people’s problems and offering them first class advice (which is something I am very jelly of in a good way). The message I get from this is that you are so patient with others so please be patient with yourself, don’t push yourself so hard that your self esteem begins to suffer because you do not deserve that. 

Hidden Talents

Perhaps something you might not have been aware of 

The High Priestess: this card is such a badass card, like the high priestess is the CEO of intuition and all that jazz, your bullshit detector is off the radar and the even cooler thing you don’t even know it. This isn’t to say you should be distrustful of every single person you meet but if you have a gut feeling I say you should stick with it as mother nature has blessed you out of this world intuition. The high priestess represents having inner power, the picture on the card shows her sitting in her chair very assured. To other people you come across as having this quiet confidence, you do not boast about your talents through words however you bring them forward with actions, I feel like people are secretly in awe of you. Coming back to the picture the high priestess is mostly wearing teal (including her dress and her accessories), typically the colour teal represents elegance and politeness which is something you 100% possess ( a true lady/gentlemen) however reading more into the psychology behind this colour one line really stuck out to me - “Teal is a slightly unconventional colour, you value your uniqueness and don’t wish to fit in the crowd”, whilst you may have a serious demeanor it doesn’t me you are boring by any means, it could be the way your express your style via clothing that is unique or perhaps you have a secret niche interest that not many people know about. Whatever it is, you are a very interesting and complex person and you are definitely a lot more than meets the eye. 

How to love yourself

We all have our off days, so here is some tips and tricks on how to feel better

The Star: I found it so amazing that this card came out again in a different deck, the message when I saw the 2 star cards just confirmed to me that you don’t realise how amazing you are, like you are constantly downplaying yourself because you are so incredible modest, like you are so much better than you think you are and you deserve all the joy in the world. The star in tarot represents hope and affirmations, somebody praising you definitely makes your day. (this message just came to me when i was writing this), society constantly tells us not to out looking for external praise and to be happy with ourselves it has to come from within but I slightly disagree on this standpoint, I believe you guys lack that external validation in your life, so when someone does praise you it really has a big impact. Getting complimented is a good thing and you deserve every single one of them. Getting back on track, looking closely at the picture the lady is pretty much naked except for a blue ribbon covering her “private parts”, to me this is an indication that you should show off, like put on a pretty dress (or whatever clothing makes you feel the most comfortable) and get some beyonce on and pretend you are a victoria secrets angel, release the inner diva, do something bougie, get your nails done. Honestly you guys deserve the spotlight (if you want that) or either the right to feel confident, like just go dancing and let all that negative energy out through your movements. I wanted to have a look at the blue ribbon in more detail, blue is a colour that represents calmness and tranquility, so any activities that make you in a calm or soothing state will really help you too. It could be the classical calming activities such as guided meditation or a really nice hot bubble bath but my sister says she finds shopping to be very relaxing, so whatever hobby or thing makes you fall into this state could also really help increase the self-esteem here. 

Bnha characters who highkey have a crush on you

Monoma, Uraraka, Hawks, Mina and Sero 

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Pile 3 (Pasta)

Why are you so amazing

What traits make you, you

The Emperor: the emperor card represents structure, stability and authority. I feel like a lot of you picking this reading are quite shocked that this card came out, like I feel like you might not think of yourself as the most stable person (especially during these uncertain times) however I do not think you give yourself enough credit. You thrive under following a strict schedule and always follow through on your goals (for some reason I feel like you might have a very extensive writing blog, like your masterlists are all extremely organised). You naturally bring stability to others though, I keep getting the phrase “you are my rock” and you are always there if anyone needs you. Of course this doesn’t make you a doormat by any means in fact quite the latter, the emperor is a man of action and leadership, you are a natural leader and always know the exact action to take in regards to a situation, a problem solver, people come to you for when they need to seek answers and get stuff done. The emperor serves the kingdom fairly thus he facts rationally in regards to making decisions. You are perhaps on the more logical side and are not too rash when it comes to your emotions, an aloof and calculated person, many people are in awe of your authoritative aura you have around you. You are extremely fair and just too, not a cold person at all, if someone wrongs you or your loved ones they are getting the treatment they deserve, we are so blessed to have you as an incredibly loyal person in this world. For some of you I highkey think you are into things that involve strategies or methodical thinking a couple of things that came to mind were Jigsaw puzzles, chess or solving rubik's cubes but sports and other hobbies do use this critical thinking as well, also I feel like you might be extremely passionate about it too. The emperor is ruled by aries so you are a person of action, you hate the idea of sitting around and I feel like you are never afraid to take on a challenge which is extremely admirable because many people are afraid of failure but you don’t see it as that, you see it has another chance to prove yourself and honestly as I am typing this out I am feeling so motivated to do something badass. Best hype man period. (Also i couldn’t help but think of commander erwin smith when i was writing this so maybe you kin this man a little bit) 

Seven of Swords: now this card in tarot is basically referring to someone being a backstabbing little shit but actually I think this highkey is a very badass card to come out of the deck in regards to what makes you so amazing. This card indicates scheming and coming up with a strategy which to me empathises how intelligent you are. You have some extremely high IQ or you naturally incredibly street smart either way your intellect is something to be marveled. Unlike pile number 2 I would not say you are studious but are the type of person who can have like 2 hours sleep and come in and do a test and still pass with flying colours. With this card, I feel like you are two steps ahead of everyone else, I can imagine that you sort of go into this mind palace like sherlock holmes where you connect all the loose threads, out of this world deduction skills, like how do you do it I will never know??? Definitely very good actors, like you can turn on the charm if need be and honestly you guys are super badass, you are the one person I believe who could actually survive animes such as Attack on Titan or the promised neverland.

Seven of Pentacles: Whenever I see this card in a personal reading of me it’s the universe’s way of telling me to stop being an impatient bitch and keep working. You sure do put up with a lot of shit, I 100% think that within your friendship you are the voice of reason and honestly you deserve a nobel peace prize. Seven of Pentacles indicates a need for looking more into the future, a long term perspective, you deffo play the long game, thinking before you leap and taking into consideration the consequences of your actions. You know where to invest your time in and make excellent planners, the archetype that has come into my brain is the chess master, you just know how to move each piece or in this instance know exactly what endeavours to pursue in life. The lady on the card looks very at rest despite all the work she has done, to me this indicates that you make a lot of things look really easy, perhaps you have a niche hobby that you have perfected over the years or maybe you are naturally an elegant person. What I can tell you is that whatever sort of work you present is bougie as fuck, wherever it be a writing for tumblr or some artwork it always looks so damn professional (your talent makes me go on all starry eyed). Lastly, I feel like your motto is “slow and steady is the race”, you would rather take slightly longer on a project then finish it quickly with lots of errors, definitely a perfectionist. 

Hidden Talent

 Perhaps something you might have not been aware of 

The Chariot: the first thoughts that came to mind is that you are incredibly hard working and have lots of self discipline, many people believe you were always just naturally good at stuff not seeing the sweat and tears that has got you to your amazing level now, for instance you are extremely charming however this wasn’t a gift you were born with but something you learnt. The lady pictured on the card was wearing gold armour, the colour gold was really standing out to me so I decided to include this within the interpretation. The colour gold means triumph and success, to me this shows that when you put your talents to good use (towards a goal) the world becomes your oyster, the universe has gifted you the resources now you just have to pick up and use them. Also within the picture, there were 2 horses white and black, to me the colours represent divine feminie energy (emotions) and divine masculine energy (logic), the lady has control of the horses which shows that you have good control over both logic and emotions and don’t let one over power the other one. The spiritual guide of the horse shows that you are actually an extremely passionate person, I feel like you may have a slightly apathetic appearance so people can get quite shocked when they see you all fired up and ready to go, but you are. You look towards the future and never let the past hold you back, you are always ready for battle and just like the chariot you charge on ahead never looking back. The chariot card is ruled by Cancer, I feel like you are a very good listener, people are surprised at how comforting you can actually be, you do look out for your friends and just want to make sure they are healthy and well. You truly treasure those close around you and will take the bullet for any of them, I literally feel so emotionally writing this and honestly words cannot describe how amazing you are.

How to love yourself

We all have our down days, so here are some tips and tricks to help us feel better

10 of Cups: this is literally the happy ending card (that's my nickname for it). 10 of cups represents family and emotional fulfilment. The first message that came to mind in regards to loving yourself was listing things that you are grateful for, as someone who has low self esteem issues I know this can be extremely difficult but you need to dig deep. If you have trouble starting off taking personality quizzes can be a good start, my personal faves our the myer briggs (do not take 16personalities it isn’t accurate) and the jungian archetypes (i got the Jester), you can see some good traits from these quiz results which could help you start your list. What was really prominent on this card was the peace sign that was in the background, this could be an indication that may need to find peace with yourself or perhaps try to find peace around you, with the chaos that has been COVID you may have lost your balance in life, the cups aren’t standing up right. Perhaps your sleep schedule has gone out the window or you are skipping lunch most days ( I am guilty of doing this too), try by fixing your daily routine, this could be by going to bed 1 hour earlier or maybe making sure you go outside at least once a day. I definitely think that will increase your overall morale and thus the confidence will make a comeback. Spending time with your family is another theme of this card, I understand that some family members can be a pain however talking to them just having a normal conversation could really help forge better relationships with them. Be happy with the here and now because contentment is right under your nose. 

BNHA characters that would highkey have a crush on you  

Deku, Toga, Iida, Miriko and Dabi

[sharkfish]

love ‘em, can’t live without ‘em: early-career writers!

[masterpost of rec lists]

new content creators are the lifeblood of fandom, so here i present stories by folks who have five or less destiel fics published (...so far) as of december 2020!!! 

please give them some love!!! 

under the cut since it got long~ 

the burden of belonging by Newtondale @soft-klaus (8k)

Dean doesn't know where he's going, he just drives.

He meanders. Takes whatever road he wants without worrying about efficiency or speed. He watches the landscape change around him as he heads east, towards the sea. Sometimes he listens to music, and sometimes he doesn’t. Most of the time he just thinks, the way he has always thought best; with an open road ahead and horror close behind.

Cas always comes back to him. Cas has always come back. Whether it takes minutes, or weeks, or months - Cas comes back to him.

But Cas hasn’t come back. How much longer is supposed to wait? Minutes? Months? How long is he supposed to live like this, like there’s nothing else that matters except the space beside him where Cas should be?

So he just drives.

Dean Winchester’s 12-Step Guide to Inebriated Online Retail Therapy for Fallen Angels and Judgemental Brothers With Bad Hair (Suck It, Sammy) by justholdingstill @justholdingstill   (3k) 

Alternatively titled Dean Wayne: The Life & Legend

Dean gets drunk. Dean orders things online. Hilarity ensues.

Hang-Ups by anupalya @anupalya (2k)

A slip of the tongue while hanging up a zoom meeting with Castiel leaves Dean in a panic.

****

Jsksdjdjskal

I'm starting to think you're letting Blueberry walk over your keyboard again.

i'm moving to Thailand

?????

I have to

Dean

I have no choice

... so I take it the meeting went well?

dream root & fumbling through the darkness by visionsofyerface @omnishamblegreg (1.3k)

Dean takes dream root for some fun angsty wanderings into Cas’s head, and then actually goes to the Empty, but Cas doesn't believe it's really him.

How Long? by MinxyOne93 @substitutesalt93 (WIP - 37k)

Dean has been going on reckless hunts by himself. Cas confronts him and all those years of unresolved pining come to a boiling point.

_

"Dean. How long?" The angel said, still quiet but so raw with emotion, eyes still wide with shock.

Dean looked down at the floor and sighed. "Since... always. I knew it for sure in Purgatory. But always." He then added in a near whisper, tears threatening to spill from behind his now closed eyelids, "I'm sorry, Cas."

"Sorry? You're sorry?" Castiel felt dumbfounded. The constant loneliness and longing he had sensed from Dean that seemed to grow worse and worse with the passing of years made so much more sense now.

"Dean," was all Cas could say before releasing his grip on his collar and gently, slowly, deliberately, kissing the corner of his mouth. A shocked gasp left Dean’s mouth of its own accord and he melted into Castiel's tight embrace.

It's The Thought That Counts by oceaxe @oceaxe-ifdawn (3k)

It’s Dean’s birthday and while angels have no birthdays, Castiel has a) been around human cultures for long enough to be aware of the nearly universal customs of celebrating the anniversary of a loved one’s birth and b) has been living with humans for long enough that he’s been included in some of those celebrations. But the art of gift-giving continues to elude his comprehension.

Lucky Winner by natmoose @natmoose (32k)

Dean wins a trip to Paris. In and of itself, that’s an amazing thing, but the problem is: he isn’t in a relationship with Lisa anymore, and the trip requires a romantic partner. The obvious choice is Cas, his roommate and best friend of 3 years, but coming with that are some very very complicated feelings and things Dean absolutely doesn’t want to deal with.

But Dean isn’t selfish and also really wants to give his overworked best friend a well deserved holiday, so the only and best solution is to take Cas to Paris, romantic theme be damned. What Dean doesn’t know is that their whole trip will be documented by a photographer from the company - so to avoid their vacation being cut short, Dean and Cas will have to convincingly play a couple.

Once Upon a Falling Star by GrandestBlood @grumpy-mccat (WIP - 3k) 

Alternate outcome for season 5's Endverse where Castiel never lost his grace but he was tricked to retreat back to heaven with the other angels, leaving Dean behind in the refugee camp.

Prompt for this was: The world has ended 500 years ago. You finally went back to Earth and discovered a voice message. You learn a shocking secret about 500 years ago.

Sending A Message by ivebeenpossessedbysatan @ivebeenpossessedbysatan (WIP - 15k)

Castiel Novak didn't expect to be kidnapped. Sure, he'd seen it happen before, but that was all in movies. Just because his mother had married into money didn't mean that someone was actually going to kidnap him and try to ransom him for money.

Only apparently it did, because here he was, tied to a chair in the corner of the most cliché warehouse he'd ever seen.

Why was this is life?

so leave me // at the roadside by LinkInThePark @saminzat (3k)

”This was exactly what he had been trying to avoid. Maybe he shouldn’t have gone out on his own at all, but he was tired of sitting around in the bunker, where the walls seemed to close in on him and the halls were too empty at the same time. Where everything reminded him of what had happened, of the battles they had fought and the people they had lost.

Of the words left unsaid.”

Dean is taking the Impala on a ride, trying to escape everything that's happened... And, in the process, is finally forced to confront his grief. 15x19 coda.

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, but Words Might Get Me Laid by Mrs King of Hell (Slytherkins) @slytherkins (3k)

When Dean's name calling goes too far, Castiel decides to teach him a lesson in manners.

"Take a Sad Song and Make it Better" by Shishquah_CustardTree @shishquahcustardtree (WIP - 27k) 

After being bought and abused by Alistair for many years, Dean Winchester finally gets another chance at life and love by the means of a car crash and a bullet.

The One (1) Time Dean Winchester Tried Something New by archangelgabe @3dg310rdsupreme (2k)

What fun is a relationship that doesn't start with the gross misunderstanding that your crush is hitting on your kid brother?

The one where they get heaven-married by mercurialkitty @mercurialkitty (1.3k)

First a quick chat with Sam in the Impala, then it's off to find Cas.

A finale fix-it where Dean and Cas get heaven-married

There'll Be Peace When You Are Done by diaryofageekgirl @diaryofageekgirl  (5k) 

Somehow, in the middle of severing vamp necks in the dead of night in a run-down barn in Ohio, Dean had a revelation.

Or: nothing stays dead on Supernatural.

This is heaven by madbrilliant84 @madbrilliant84 (800)

“Come on dude! Don’t tell me you don’t know what your legs look like! I bet you could crush melons with those.”

Cas seemed incredibly amused by this. “And that’s something that turns you on?”

Dean smiled while biting is bottom lip. He slowly nodded. His playful tone dropped to something more heated.

“Uh huh. First thing I noticed when I saw you sitting on that bar stool.”

You're Not Alone by Wordsintothevoid @deancas-stan (15k)

Dean has an imaginary friend. Sure, that's weird as hell but he doesn't care. Cas has been there to support him during every horrible thing in Dean's short miserable life and he is not giving up Cas. Sure, Dean may also sorta kinda be in love with him. Oops. And it hurts but Dean will keep it platonic. But then Cas leaves. And then Dean breaks.

We’ll All Arrive in Heaven Alive by invisibledrugs @reasonsweweresinging (1k)

The Winchesters are finally dying, and for good.

But that's okay, because Dean knows what - and who - is waiting for him.

last but definitely not least, @uncastiel doesn’t have any fics yet but is taking prompts! 

[asenseofsymmetry]

A lot of the songs on the album that can be read as being about a romantic relationship could also apply to siblings. Is that something you’ve been exploring more in songwriting?

Tegan: “It’s funny, because when Sara wrote both those songs [ ‘100x’ and ‘White Knuckles’], I was in the room and I had no idea that she was writing about our relationship, so I’m kind of like everybody else.”

Sara: “I can feel her awkwardness sometimes when I’m talking about our relationship publicly, but I also feel like it was a huge part of my identity and my growth as a person, and I’ve never written about it. It helps that Tegan and I are in a really good place. I feel incredibly proud of what we were able to overcome because it was dark. And we got through it.”

COSCARELLI,  Joe. Tegan and Sara Talk About ‘Love You to Death,’ a Deeper Dive Into the Pop Mainstream. The New York Times, 2016. x - OP x

                                                                                                                              When Heartthrob came out, you spoke about how hard it was for you to write such direct lyrics and not dress everything up in a metaphor—you’d sometimes pretend you were writing for other artists. For new songs like “100x,” did that simplicity come any easier?

Sara: “I forgot I had said that about writing for other people. I really like the songs for this record because I didn’t have to think so hard about trying to say things clearly. There’s always a trick to that, too, because it makes you really vulnerable, specifically on ‘100x’, because I was pulling from my relationship with Tegan.

I was actually in the room with Tegan when I was writing a bunch of that song. We were working with Jesse Shatkin, who had worked with Greg Kurstin on Heartthrob with us. Tegan popped in while I was writing the lyrics, and it was funny because she would pipe up and say, ‘What if you sing this thing? Or that thing?’ And I was like, this is so awkward. I’m trying to use our experience as sisters and our conflict when we were younger. I’m not saying that in the room, but that’s what I’m doing. I’m almost creating the conflict anew. I’m like, ‘No, I don’t really like that line.’ I can see her getting frustrated, like, 'I’m just trying to help!’ And I’m like, I know. But it was really helpful. I was really tapping back into how complicated our relationship is.”

I knew you wrote about your sibling relationship more with this record, but I never would have guessed “100x” was one of those songs. It sounds like a breakup song.

Sara: “Because our relationship is in such a good place, it’s easier to analyze and look back at just how bad it was at times. For a lot of career, we were really struggling with trying to get people to avoid innuendo about sexuality and our sibling relationship. I mean, there was stuff in the early days that was borderline suggesting we were incestuous. We really stayed away from talking about ourselves because we were like, ‘God, people cannot handle that we’re twin sisters who are gay.’

All these things were very institutionalized in my brain when I thought about our relationship. Even writing a song like “100x,” which everyone will think is about a romantic relationship, that would have made me so uncomfortable even five years ago. I would have been afraid people wouldn’t underestimate how truly intimate and like a marriage my relationship with Tegan is. I was afraid to talk about those things because of these horrible stereotypes and weird, f—ked up things that people think about gay people or gay siblings. But in a way the song sounds like it’s a breakup song because it was a breakup, it really was.”

FEENEY, Nolan.  How Tegan and Sara Became Bona Fide Pop Stars. Time, 2016. x  - OP ?