#(though i wouldn't consider all of them kid coded

[tarysande]

There are a couple more Garrus-Vakarian-related hills I'm willing to die on.

Maybe this particular bit of fanon has faded over the years, but there used to be a lot of insistence that Garrus is young and somehow inexperienced when he meets Shepard. Canon doesn't really support this. Turians start their mandatory service at 15. Garrus has at least a decade of experience. Even if he's 2-4 of years younger than Shepard (according to Patrick Weekes), he's got at least as much field experience as she does by dint of the difference in turian and human "enlistment" ages.

Garrus is really damn good at his job at C-Sec. You don't give the Case of Investigating the Rogue Spectre to a greenhorn. You give it to your best, most tenacious agent. Pallin may not always approve of Garrus's actions, but that doesn't actually stop him from putting Garrus on the tough case. Also, we don't know much about how C-Sec works but we do know a bit about how the turian hierarchy works, and we know C-Sec was essentially a turian initiative. That means it's a meritocracy where failure reflects on the superior, not the one who failed. So, in roughly a decade (Shepard's 29 in ME1; I always think of Garrus as about 27), Garrus has not only done shipboard military service, but he's also risen to be one of C-Sec's top investigators; Pallin wouldn't risk having Garrus's "failure" reflect poorly on HIM otherwise. I'd say that actually makes Garrus as remarkable in civilian law enforcement terms as Shepard is considered to be within the ranks of the Alliance military.

Of course Garrus was scouted by the Spectre program. And honestly, if his dad hadn't stepped in, I think Garrus would have become a Spectre, no problem. Especially for a turian, he's cut from precisely the cloth the Spectres would be looking for: extremely skilled, extremely capable, and--most importantly--he's a turian not just able but willing to work outside the chains of command that turians are taught from birth to revere and be loyal to above all else. This is the reason Pallin is leery about Spectres: he's a good turian. Good turians follow straight lines; they don't carve out their own paths.

Garrus's dad's not dumb, and he's not cruel, and he, too, rose to the top of the C-Sec hierarchy. He took one look at his kid, I think, and said, "I love my child, but I'd say it's a 50-50 chance he ends up a shooting-first-asking-questions-later Spectre like Saren Arterius, and I don't want to see that happen." Yeah, he uses his parental influence to try and jam square-peg-Garrus into round-hole-C-Sec and Garrus resents him for it, but there's no way he did it just to stop his son from getting his way or because he doesn't like Spectres. I expect Vakarian Sr. had to clean up more post-Spectre-interference messes than we can possibly imagine. But we also know he and Alec Ryder were pals later.

So the importance of what Garrus learns from a Paragon Spectre Shepard is this: You can't just do what you want and claim the ends always justify the means. That's what Saren does. Over and over again. Garrus's code and his idealism and his sense of justice and his ability to work alone should make him a great Spectre, actually, but he needs Paragon Spectre Shepard's actions to show him the lesson he tells her he's learned during ME1: "If the people I'm sworn to protect can't trust me... well, then I don't deserve to be the one protecting them." (And the seed of Archangel was planted.) I think for the first time he realizes that even though he believes his sense of justice to be correct, it doesn't matter for shit if he can't show others why that's so. And that's where the trust comes in. (Also, ow, the extra level of importance this gives their exchange where she tells him she trusts him and he tells her she's about the only friend he has left is... a lot. Cool, cool. I'm totally fine. Nothing to see here.)

When Shepard asks him what happened on Omega, he replies, "My feelings got in the way of my better judgement." Something tells me that this never happens to "good" turians, which just makes the line so much more devastating. And although the lesson some might take away from this is "feelings bad; no feelings ever," the "grey" that Garrus has to learn to deal with is precisely the grey of recognizing feelings, validating them even, but not acting on them until they've been examined. (Which is why my Shepard stands between him and Sidonis; she doesn't give a shit about Sidonis. But Garrus has refused to process his own feelings of failure and self-loathing, so they have to take the therapy session to the Citadel and deal with it there.)

Ahh yes. The mountain range of character analysis.

[nerdy-novelist017]

SFW Alphabet (Benny Cross x Shy!Reader)

First time making one of these and this was so much fun! I took a bit of creative liberty in order to dive into Benny's past a bit so I hope it doesn't feel OOC. Please let me know if you love it! This is paired with my Benny x Bunny series! 🐰

This is so Work Song by Hozier coded and I will NOT be apologizing for it ;)

A= Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Benny shows affection through acts of service. He wants to take care of you so he's always doing things to help you out. Your car is making a rattling noise? He'll take a look at it. Your feet are sore from walking around in your heels all day? He'll carry you on his back the rest of the way. You try to carry something heavy? Not on his watch. A customer at work was rude to you? Consider it handled. He has your back in everything.

B= Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start)

You are his absolute best friend. Benny doesn't have many friends and he doesn't make them easily. When Benny loves, he loves fiercely. His friends are his family and he'd kill for them.

C= Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Benny ALWAYS has a hand on you. Whether it's just a hand on your thigh if you're sitting beside him or an arm slung around your shoulders or his hands wrapped around your waist if you're standing in front of him, he's always touching you somehow. There's a few reasons he does this: he likes having you nearby in case some trouble starts and he can protect you. He wants to show everyone nearby that you are his and only his. But most importantly, he likes having you there to ground him. You're his anchor when he feels himself losing control of his anger.

D= Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Benny is not much help when it comes to cooking and cleaning. In fact, he does more harm than good when the stove is involved. You almost always end up having to shoo him away, telling him to go mow the lawn or fix the leaky pipe in the bathroom. Sometimes though, he likes to lean against the fridge and keep you company while you bake, totally enamored by how beautiful you are when you concentrate on things you love doing.

E= Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

You are Benny's whole world, but that doesn't mean he is immune to doubts. Not about you, never about you. They're about himself. He gets in his own head and those poisonous thoughts of feeling inferior and ignominious run wild. Sometimes he wonders why you're even with him. He's not good enough for you, how could he be? You're so perfect and sweet and pure and he's . . . so corrupted, so rough.

You're always so quick to correct him when he voices these thoughts, telling him that you love him and that means all of him, including vices, bad habits and flaws.

F= Fiance (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Are we kidding? Benny knew he wanted to marry you after only spending a few hours in your presence. He's so whipped, so drunk on love that he goes out and buys a ring the very next day.

G= Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Looking at someone like Benny with his tattoos and leather jacket and loud motorcycle, most people wouldn't assume he could be gentle. Benny didn't even know he could love someone to the point of changing for them until he met you. He thought he was a lost cause, a destitute brawler who nobody could love - hell, his own family didn't even love him.

But you did somehow, and Benny doesn't know if he should laugh or cry at that. He'd never, never expected to be blessed with someone as kind and supportive as you in his life and for that, he'd do anything for. He'd touch you gently, hands exploring your curves at night. He'd whisper softly into your ear as you nodded off into dreamland beside him. And he knew that's what you needed, so he'd provide it in any aspect he could, private or public. He didn't care if the guys teased him about it either.

H= Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it and what is it like?)

Any excuse to touch you is how he works! He loves feeling your slight figure tucked so completely against his own. You're the perfect height for him to rest his chin on the top of your head, your face pressed against his broad chest, his hands locking together around your waist. It's like you were a lock and he was the key - molded together perfectly.

I= I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

The L-word is very foreign to Benny. He didn't hear it much when he was growing up and he's said it to others even less. In fact, he's never told a girl that he loved them, so for him to be that vulnerable with you is a huge deal.

Those life-changing three words would probably just come out of him before he even realized it himself. It would be after he had a bad day, problems with the club and new members becoming more antagonizing. He'd park his bike out front, anger disappearing the moment he catches sight of you in the front yard, on your hands and knees, an assortment of small unplanted plants surrounding you.

He cuts the engine and approaches you, warmth spreading in his chest at the oversized sunhat you wear. You glance up at him and smile.

"Remember that butterfly I was telling you about yesterday?" you ask when he stands over you. "Well, I was reading up on them and I guess they really love these flowers. So I'm planting them for him. I hope he comes back and appreciates it."

And how can Benny's heart not melt at that? You were so damn cute and the way you viewed the world was unlike anything he'd ever known.

"I love you," he whispered, heart suddenly pounding at the recognition.

Your mouth falls open and you sit up a little straighter before smiling broadly at him. "Oh."

J= Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they get jealous?)

Oh boy, Benny is a force to reckon with when he gets jealous. It doesn't happen often, surprising to say, but when it does . . . it's bad. He deals with his jealousy with his fists, much like how he deals with all other negative emotions. He's having a bad day already and someone at the bar tries grabbing your ass? Oh goodbye. He's dragging that man out the backdoor and going to teach him a lesson about touching what's his.

K= Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Kisses with Benny are so intense. He kisses you like it's the last time he'll ever see you. And for all he knows, it could be. He lives a dangerous life and anything could happen to him. So he kisses you like he needs you to breathe. And he also loves to see your lips all swollen afterwards.

L= Little ones (How are they around children?)

Benny came from a rough home and his childhood was very unpleasant, so the last thing on his mind is children. But that can be changed, he's very easily influenced by you. All you have to do is give him puppy eyes and the soft pouty-lip look and he'd consider just about anything.

M= Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

It's rare that Benny is still there when you wake up in the morning. He has a lot of trouble sleeping and usually ends up getting up early, leaving you to sleep as long as you can. You'll usually find him in the kitchen, already made a pot of coffee for you to wake up to.

But on those mornings when he does sleep in and you wake up to find his warm body tangled with yours? Those are the best. That's when you get that sweet side of Benny that nobody else is privy to. He'll run his thumb over your cheek, the early morning sunlight casting a beautiful glow over his face as his blue eyes roam over your face. He'll lean in, slowly peppering you with the softest kisses, one for your nose, one for your forehead, one for each of you cheeks, and the last one reserved for you lips.

N= Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights spent with Benny Cross are anything but ordinary. That's one of the things you love most about him, the spontaneity. You could be getting ready for bed and he'd come to you asking if you want to take a ride with him. Of course you say yes because every ride with him is an adventure. And you might just be driving around the city, under the streetlights or he might take you out into the country to look at the stars. Either way, he wants to make the most of it so he will always bring an extra jacket for you to stay out as long as possible.

O= Open (When will they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or do they reveal little things slowly?)

Being vulnerable is very difficult for Benny. He wants to, believe him, but every negative memory he has beats down on him daily, so it will take a long time before he feels comfortable letting down his guard and breaking the toxic cycle that his parents burned into him. Your smile helps, your kind eyes, your petite hands squeezing his encouragingly.

P= Patience (How easily are they angered?)

Remember how he fights at the drop of a hat and his anger is easily triggered? Well, that doesn't apply to you. No, you rarely ever test his patience. The very few times you do, it's most likely because you're doing something that he thinks is too dangerous and you argue back because you don't like when he acts controlling. One thing leads to another and the more calm he remains, the more riled up you become so you end up being petty or bratty. Then, his patience is strained and he'll usually put his foot down and flat out refuse to cooperate with you anymore.

That usually leads to him receiving the silent treatment for a few hours, but you both usually make up before bed.

Q= Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every detail or forget the minor things?)

Benny has a lock-trap memory when it comes to something he actually cares about. In school, he struggled to do well on tests about subjects he found boring like math and English. But history and science, he excelled in.

If knowing you was a subject in school, he'd be valedictorian. He remembers everything you tell him, bringing it up in moments that shock you. He may not always seem like he's listening, but he is. He knows your schedule, your work drama, your favorite sweater. He makes mental notes of the way you like your coffee, what song gets you to dance in the kitchen while you cook, and what side of the sink you leave your stuff on. He loves the small details like how your laugh sounds different when it's just you and him and the way your face lights up when you see your favorite flowers. It's all very important to him.

R= Remember (What is their favorite moment of your relationship?)

A day he thinks about a lot - especially when he's not in a good mood - is when you first moved in together and you wanted to bake him something to christen the kitchen. He leaned against the doorway, arms crossed casually as you put on your apron and gathered the ingredients. You shot him a cheeky grin as you went to the record player, picking out an album that made your hips sway with the rhythm. He was perfectly content to stand there admiring, but you always had to involve him in some way or another so you tugged his arms gently, pulling him to the center of the kitchen and the two of you danced slowly, his hands pressed against the small of your back and yours wrapped around the back of his neck, foreheads touching.

He thinks about that night often, feeling so grateful that you chose him to spend the rest of your life with.

S= Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

As you already know, Benny would die to protect you just as easily as he'd kill for you. You'd never need to worry about anything happening while he's there. He doesn't get intimidated by much and is always ready to throw a fist if someone threatened you. He's the definition of scary boyfriend privileges.

T= Try (How much effort do they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He thinks it's important for him to put a lot of consideration for you during your every day life, not just special occasions. You're always going out of your way to do something kind for others (even strangers) and he wants you to know that you deserve the same level of effort you provide.

He's not so great at remembering the dates and anniversaries, he's often times so busy that he doesn't know what day it is anyway so don't feel bad. But the dates he takes you on? Those are magical. He finds places that remind him of you and he points out details he thinks you'd like.

U= Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Benny and bad habits? That pairs like milk and cookies. Smoking, boarder line alcohol abuse, not getting enough sleep, fighting . . . the list goes on. But Johnny tells you that he sees a huge improvement since Benny's gotten together with you and you can't help but blush at that.

V= Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He isn't one to care much what other people think of him. He barely holds himself in high regards, why should it bother him if someone else does? He's used to getting the occasional glare shot at him by the pansies standing on their lawns as he rolls through the neighborhood on his Harley.

W= Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Benny used to be independent, even a little detached. But that all changed when he met you. You changed everything for him. He no longer had to go through life alone because you were there with your sweet smile and comforting words. You became the most important thing in his life. His world revolves around you.

X= Xtra )A random headcanon for them)

Benny came home one day to find you and a couple of your friends making jewelry. Friendship bracelets, you had informed him with a smile on your face. He just nodded, kissed the top of your head and continued on his way out the back door to hide in the garage.

The next day you had presented him with a tiny box all wrapped up in a pink bow, a brilliant smile to go with it. You told him it was special and just for him. He opened it carefully and his heart melted at the object inside. It was a bracelet, made with various shades of pink and white rope, a small B charm woven into the center, a bunny next to it. It was . . . one of the ugliest things he's ever seen, but he adored you so he told you he loved it. You practically bounced up and down with excitement as you helped him put it on.

The absolute razzing he took from the boys when he showed up with his bright pink friendship bracelet showing proudly on his wrist was worth it. He'd never take it off.

Y= Yuck (What are some things they wouldn't like, either in general or in a partner?)

There isn't much that you could do that Benny wouldn't like. Except when you do things that puts you in harms way like running to the store late at night without him or leaving the door unlocked when you're home alone. He sees it as unnecessary risk and he's tried talking to you many times about it.

Z= Zzz (What are some sleeping habits of theirs?

Benny has trouble sleeping, always has. Most of the time, you're asleep before he gets home despite your best efforts at trying to stay awake to greet him. He often finds you asleep on the couch, book forgotten in your lap. He'll carry you to bed, and crawl into it behind you. You snuggle up against him, muttering something incoherent and sighing contently before falling back to sleep and Benny felt a tenderness in his chest as he pulled you closer, wrapping the blankets over both of you.

-Tag List-

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[nenoname]

Details in Stan's letter that still haunt me

(how long will I continue thinking about a two page letter that's technically not even that long because Stan's handwriting is fricking large? .....you don't need to worry about that.)

The bro code only shows up in the Lost Journal pages, and to me Stan's message feels like it purposely echoes Ford's "miss you" in the college photo (and for some reason the message doesn't appear in the website version of the photo?) ....or alternatively Stan simply noticed how distressed Ford was about this entire thing and wanted to support him in a way so he can be sappy but without the kids knowing, or both!

Stan's claim about the Oregon lottery contradicts what the Lost Legends website said about Tate McGucket's ability to predict the winning numbers!! ...but also breaking into the Lottery HQ is definitely a very Stan thing to do and it's not the first time small gags have been retconned

Despite spending most of his letter nonchalantly destroying him, the taunt about ripping a dollar bill in half is the only part where Stan is directly responding to Bill. Maybe it's the two of them having similar ways of thinking but it's rather specific considering Bill taunts the reader about it...

And after Bill spends an entire book calling Ford Sixer despite normally using a pretty wide range of nicknames for him, Stan then spends his letter mainly referring to Ford as Sixer, even though post-Weirdmageddon he tends to use a mix of nicknames. And it's not like he'd gotten to see Bill himself for long, let alone see him steal that childhood nickname (that is only used twice in the actual show btw!). Did Ford tell him what happened or...?

With all this and the website's "still on your mind" message, what I'm getting at is my tinfoil hat theory of Stan somehow seeing some of the pages the irl readers saw, even when it should be personalised to the specific reader, and he's been lying about it for some reason. Considering that the book flat out doesn't make an attempt at convincing Soos, I find it a stretch that whatever Bill was telling Stan via the book was an attempt to convince him either.

Wouldn't be the first time Stan's skimmed through a book and lied about what it meant to him.

(...Now I kinda wanna see a story about the family reading their versions of the book and making fun of it while Stan is improvising every single one of his pages and blatantly ignoring Bill's attempts to mock and taunt him)

But also I'm fascinated by the letters that only showed up on the website (aka the Soos+Wendy+McGucket+Pacifica ones). I'm assuming that Mabel had stuck them on after Stan's letter... but they were basically eaten by the book itself because seeing Stan's letter kick-started Bill's breakdown which takes up the rest of the book

[mendessi]

things i say when you sleep | chapter five

multi chapter bodhi durran x fem!oc fic

summary: Ania crosses the Parapet into the Riders Quadrant, and finally meets with the marked children of those who got her parents and brother killed. Bodhi Durran is quick to remind her that she's marked too.

word count: 3.8k

tags: slow burn, friends to enemies to lovers, canon typical violence, mentions of death, she falls first he falls harder, majority canon compliant, some canon deviance, eventual smut, angst with a happy ending, additional tags to be added

AO3 masterlist

three | four | five | six | seven

"I found you!"

I crawled out of the chest and considered stomping my foot, "That's not fair." 

"You hide here every time, how is it not fair?" Bodhi said, laughing as he shoved my shoulder lightly. "Find a new hiding spot."

Following him through the darkness of Riorson House, I don't pay much attention. I have his tunic tightly tucked between my fingers as we look for Beckett, Garrick, and Xaden. It always bothered me that they only wanted to play hide and seek at night when all the mage lights were off. 

"It makes it more fun," Xaden had said. 

Darkness had always scared me. Even as I approached my teenage years. Maybe it had to do with the horror stories of dark-wielding humans my father had told Beckett and me from a young age or the way that we'd caught all of our parents meeting on several occasions in the dead of night. Using code words and speaking of dangers beyond the border that threatened the very integrity of the Continent. 

When Beckett, Garrick, and Xaden turned sixteen, they were clued in on what was happening beyond the borders. Even though Bodhi was a year younger than them, he was clued in too. Our father had made Beckett swear he wouldn't tell our mother or me. I was the only one left out. 

"We'll tell you next year after your birthday," Bodhi assured me that night while we sat on top of Riorson House. "I just can't tell you, Ani. Maybe your dad will let up and tell you soon."

"You're supposed to be one of my best friends, you know," I looked at him with a pout on my lips. 

My mother and father began fighting more than they ever had in their entire marriage two months later. Mom found out that Dad had been taking Beckett to the meetings at Riorson House and was furious. I pretended I didn't know because I truly didn't. I had no idea what these meetings were about. Until Beckett told me that Aretia was planning to secede. I couldn't grasp why any of it was happening. 

Always in the dark, never in the light. 

They wanted to split us up. My mother wanted us to run to Navarre. Beckett and my father wanted to stay here. It was a never-ending cycle of arguments but neither ever upheld their promise. 

"Why can't you just listen? There's a reason they don't want us running around spewing that nonsense!" My mother wailed. 

"Cara, people have the right to know." My father bellowed. "What if it were our kids out there?"

"They would never be out there because I'm taking them to Navarre. The Alistair name will not be dragged through the mud of this rebellion." My mother snapped. Alistair was my mother's last name, but my father took it so that we could preserve the memory of my grandmother who was a great rider.

"You're not declaring loyalty, you're committing treason!" My father screamed. "Beckett will never go. And as soon as Ania knows the truth, she won't either." 

"You will not tell her! You should've never told Beckett," My mother commanded and I stood up racing for the front door as her cries drowned out, "She's too young!"

I ran as fast as I could to Xaden's where I knew they all would be, tears rolling in nonstop streams down my face. Bodhi is the one who opens the door when it's usually Beckett retrieving me. 

"Where's Beckett?" I asked. 

"They all went out, what happened? Why are you crying?" He surveyed me with worry as he pulled me into the house. 

"My parents again," I used my sleeves to wipe my tears. Bodhi had gained several inches on me since the last summer and I had to look up at him. 

He took my hand and led me through the massive home as I constantly wiped at my tears until we reached the roof. "Tell me what happened." 

"My mom wants to take me and Beckett to Navarre," I confessed quietly once my chest stopped shaking with sobs. 

Bodhi had seen me cry many times throughout my life, so this was something I'd never feel embarrassed by. He would never make me feel bad for expressing emotion.

"She wouldn't," He said quietly. I could tell he was shocked by the words that left my mouth.

"She's upset that my father told Beckett what you all know," I said, followed by a deep shaky breath. "I don't want to leave Aretia. This is my home."

The idea of leaving Aretia would never sit right with me. No matter what was going on between my parents, this was all I knew. My brother and father would be here. Xaden, Garrick, and Bodhi were here. What was in Navarre that we didn't have here? A wave of anger rattled my bones as I remembered that I didn't even know what was going on, just that everyone else seemed to know except me.

"Then we'll just have to stash you away somewhere in Riorson House until she stops looking," Bodhi said, nudging my arm with his elbow. I can't help but smile. 

"But I don't want her to leave either," I whispered. 

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and I leaned into his side, appreciative for his comfort.

"Something is happening that is changing everything, Ani. There is so much that we don't understand and our parents are trying to bring it to light to ensure that we remain safe," Bodhi said, his thumb brushing soothing circles into my arm, "If your mom would rather run away than do what's right, that shouldn't be on your shoulders."

I sighed knowing that he was right. There was so much that I didn't know, so much that I didn't understand. 

Always in the dark, never in the know.

"What is this, lovebirds?" We pulled away from each other as Garrick, Xaden and Beckett stepped onto the roof. My cheeks flushed and I rolled my eyes, wiping the last of my tears. 

"Shut up, Garrick," Bodhi glared as he stood up to face them.

"Hey, he's just saying. You two are betrothed for a reason," Xaden laughed as he sat down next to me. With a sigh, he slung an arm around me and looked out over Aretia. "Kidding."

"We're not betrothed," the annoyance in my eyes must've been prominent because the older boys began laughing and my cheeks heated up even more. Bodhi and I were the only ones who did not find this conversation amusing. 

"I wish it could stay like this forever," Beckett said sitting on the other side of me. 

"We can't ever let anything happen to each other," Xaden said after a moment of silence. "You guys are the closest thing I have to brothers."

This kind of talk bubbled anxiety in my stomach and made me realize just how serious things were. 

"Ani's not a brother," Bodhi said.

"Then she's the closest thing I have to a sister," Xaden replied, putting his hand on my head and ruffling my hair. 

My body aches when I roll over the next morning. The pain medications did their job through the night but had officially worn off. 

Ridoc is still soundly sleeping and I can't help but smile at the memory of last night. Why did I think it was a good idea to kiss him? At least we both agreed that anything other than platonic is just not in the cards for us. 

At least we tried. 

He's still snoring when I tap his cheek. He sits up tiredly and groans, "It's wake-up time already?" 

"Yes. Get up, you stink," I shove his arm with the hand that isn't wrapped in gauze. There's fresh blood on the wrap and I sigh knowing it's gonna be another two weeks before it's even close to fully healed. "You need to shower before breakfast." 

I can't believe I let him sleep in my brand-new bed without a shower after Threshing of all things. 

He stands up and looks around my room, likely looking for his shoes. "I stink, huh?"

"Yes, disgustingly." Okay, maybe it's not that bad but I can't help but tease. 

He yanks his shirt over his head, holds it to his nose, and then throws it at me. I pretend to gag as I pull it off my head. "Ridoc!" 

There's a knock at the door and I stand up to open the armoire to examine the clothes inside. I pull out my clothes for the day and set them on the bed. 

"Can you get that? It's probably Rhiannon looking for us." I stand behind the door and undress my bottom half so I can look at the stab wound. This one seems to be doing okay. The skin around the stitching is black and blue, but at least it stopped bleeding. 

"Oh shit," Ridoc says after pulling the door open. I step behind him and I suddenly wish I'd kept my pants on.

"Cadet Gamlyn, I don't believe this is your room," Bodhi says. 

"Bodhi," I exclaim. He looks... pissed. 

"You're right, it's not my room. I guess I got lost," He laughs nervously, backing away from the doorway. He picks up his shirt off my bed and his boots off the ground. 

"I suggest you do your best to find your own quarters," Bodhi's voice is low yet sharp. He steps to the side and Ridoc basically scrambles down the hallway. To the shower, I hope.

"I told you the cousins would not like it," Gleigeal laughs in my head. 

"Not now," I reply to my dragon. Is this how it will be now? Endless taunting from him?

"Only when taunting is deserved. Like now," I'm not sure my face is straight, probably more in a glare. Not directed at Bodhi, but Gleigeal. 

Bodhi steps into my room, leaving the door cracked, "That's what you chose to do with your night? You're still recovering from injuries."

"Excuse me?" My defense is up immediately. "It's none of your business what I choose to do with my night." 

He steps towards me so close that our chests almost touch. He stares down at me and I look at him, my eyes narrowing slightly. His hand reaches for my neck and his fingers gently tilt my chin to the side to look at the bruising. 

"Not from him," I say softly. 

"Oh, I know," His voice drops to a whisper. "I'm making it my business. Tell me." 

"Tell you what," My words turn harsh within a heartbeat.

"Was he worth it?" He pulls his hand away from my face and then lifts my wrapped one to examine it. 

"That's none of your business," I jerk my hand away and flinch at the pain. No pain meds, I forgot. 

"You won't have time for bad habits once our training starts," Bodhi says taking a step backward. 

The space is needed because his words instill so much anger in me that I might punch him. 

"Bad habits?!" I yell. "Who do you think you are coming into my room, telling me what I can and can't do?" 

"I'm just looking out for you, Ridoc is-"

"Don't finish that sentence," I snap. "If I want to sleep with Ridoc fucking Gamlyn then I will. You can't tell me not to, you're not even my XO." 

Now I want to sleep with Ridoc and make it known, just to piss him off. 

I see the door open behind Bodhi and Rhiannon, Sawyer, and Violet are standing in the doorway. I also realized at that moment how loud I had been talking. 

Now my entire squad will think I fucked Ridoc last night, perfect. 

"Look what you did, Bodhi," I grab my pants and sit on my bed to pull them on. "Just get out." 

He looks me over once and then turns on his heel to leave. 

"XO," Sawyer greets him as he, Violet, and Rhi split apart to let him through. "You and Ridoc?" 

"No," I stand up, shimmying my pants up my thighs. I hiss through my teeth at the struggle of doing it with one hand and trying to get it over the wound in my thigh. Violet and Rhi walk over to me to help me get them up and I sigh in relief with a small thanks while Sawyer fully shuts the door.

"We saw Ridoc practically running from your room without a shirt on, what are we supposed to think?" Rhi asks as she pulls my tunic over my head. "Gods, Ania, what happened out there?" 

Sawyer is turned around, facing the door, when Violet grabs my clean fitted tunic and pulls it over my head.

"Guys, come on, this is a little much, I can dress myself," I shove my arms through the sleeves and catch sight of bruised ribs as I slide it down, tucking it into my pants. "Nothing happened between me and Ridoc. Swear."

"Nothing at all?" Violet asks, finally taking a step back.

"Okay, we kissed but that's it. It lasted barely ten seconds and we decided that we're just not into each other that way," I feel the need to defend myself as they gasp while I sit on the bed to lace my boots up. Rhiannon and Violet share a look and I cross my arms, "I swear. Ask him yourself. It was spur of the moment."

"And the XO was in here, why?" Sawyer finally turns back around. 

Just be honest with them. It's not hard, right? Why is it so hard? They're your squad, your friends.

"We are going to have to work on your trust issues for this to work," Gleigeal says.

"Not the first time I've been told I have issues," I reply to him. 

"Yes, you have many." Um, ouch? "But they are why I chose you. We will work on it." 

"Bodhi and the wingleader think it's in my best interest that they look out for me." There. The truth. Not the whole truth, but a form of it. 

"Ah, a Marked one thing," Rhi says and I nod.

"Something like that." 

"Well, Dain kissed me last night," Violet says and my jaw drops. 

"I knew it," I gasp as I jump up.

"I hated it," She says and I sit back down, masking the excitement with concern. I probably should've read the room before that.

"Right, right. Of course," I nod, and Rhiannon and Sawyer laugh.

"You are a natural. Just like the one before you," Gleigeal says after I dismount him. "Now go rest." 

My first official day as a rider was thrilling. There is nothing to compare it to. The thrill, the exhilaration. My heart breaks for those who will never experience this. 

Instead of going to rest, I head to the gym. I know I should give my body time before doing so, but my heart and mind run at the same pace and I don't want to be alone in my room. 

When I enter, I'm half surprised to see Violet at the weights with Imogen. I guess Xaden was officially paranoid now that she bonded his dragon's mate. Garrick is with one of the first years I remember from the woods back in July and he raises his hand in a small wave to me. I haven't even spoken a word to him since we've been here that I can think of. 

I nod my head in return and then look around for something to do. Can't spar without a partner, can't lift weights with this hole in my hand. I could train my legs I guess. 

When I'm about to walk to the weights, I hear my name.

"Hey," Bodhi approaches me and I sigh. 

"I don't want to fight with you. I'm having a decent day for once." The bliss I'm swimming in after flying threatens to fade at the sight of him. 

"Let's spar then. I know you're pissed at me. Take it out on me." He says.

"You were the one that said I'm still recovering from my injuries," I say as I gesture to my throat. My voice is still raspy. Ridoc had commented on how hot it sounded. 

"Learning lesson," A smirk plays on his lips, "Out there, they don't care if you're injured. I'll go easy on you." 

I contemplate the idea and decide that it wouldn't be so bad to get a couple of hits on him. The anger still sits high in my chest at how he came into my room this morning. 

He'll probably win anyway, but if I can just land one punch I'd be happy.

I slowly tuck my injured hand behind my back and step onto the mat, holding eye contact with him. 

"As you wish."

He takes his stance and moves on me so quickly that if I had blinked I would've missed it. I deflect each of his hits and kicks with my uninjured hand, keeping the other behind my back. I'm on the edge of the mat when I land my first punch. I smirk watching him wipe the blood from his lip. That felt good.

When I move forward to swing my fist at his abdomen he grabs my wrist and flips me onto my back. I land with a groan, overdramatizing it just a little.

"Are you okay?" He's just about to kneel and I laugh as I grab his foot, yanking it out from under him. He lands on his back with a grunt, "Damn it."

I crawl on top of him, pinning his arms under my legs quickly, raising my fist like I'm gonna hit him. He struggles, but I squeeze my thighs harder. "Got you." I pull my other hand from behind my back and hold both of them up, my palms outward. "One-handed, too."'

"I went easy on you," He defends. 

"Maybe," I sit back a little, taking a deep breath. "But I still won."

"Quite the position you have me in," He says and I look down, my cheeks flushing. I'm about to crawl off of him when he lifts his hips and flips me over so my back hits the mat. "Doesn't matter how strong your thighs are. This leaves you vulnerable." He leans down and says into my ear. "Is this how Cadet Gamlyn had you last night?" 

"Bodhi," I attempt to scold but it comes out as a weak whisper. The weight of him on top of me is overbearing but not in the way I thought it'd be. I clear my throat, the rasp of my voice more present than ever as I lower my voice, "What a wildly inappropriate thing to say." 

"Just curious if you found potentially ruining a friendship worth it," He says, pressing his knee between my legs. He has to be trying to get a reaction out of me, to push me to the point of lashing out so he can teach me a lesson.

My head swims with a million different thoughts. What gives him the right to ask me about my sex life? Not that it even exists, but still. But the sheer mass of him on top of me is preventing me from forming complete thoughts. I need to get the upper hand. 

"Ridoc is a good friend, I hardly see why you're so bothered," I say to him as he pins one arm above my head, "Why does it matter to you so much? I can sleep with who I please."

There's no point in telling him that Ridoc and I didn't actually sleep together, he just happened to find us at the wrong time. I was grateful that Ridoc cared enough to not leave me alone last night after such a brutal day. Let me reiterate the point that it's not his business.

"I'm not bothered," He lifts my injured hand and looks down at it, keeping the other pinned over my head against the mat, "You need to change this."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're jealous of who I brought to bed last night," The corner of my lifts as I look up at him. He pretends to not hear me as he keeps examining the bandage on my hand. "Are you jealous? Is it because we were 'betrothed'?" 

His jaw clenches and I can see him hesitate in his next movements. I'm only teasing him, not a serious word leaving my mouth but at least I get a rise out of him. I use the same trick on him, lifting my hips and flipping us over so I'm on top. I actually do punch him this time. 

"Stay the fuck out of my business," I say sharply before I stand up off of him. 

"Noted," He groans and holds his jaw as he sits up. 

I slowly start to unwrap the bandage on my hand so I can see how it looks after a full day. It still looks disgusting but at least I'll see the healers again tomorrow and they can give me some sort of medication to speed up the healing process. 

"Let me walk you back to your room," He says taking the gauze from my hand. Luckily I have a fresh wrap in my room. 

I don't deny him the opportunity and silently we journey back to my room. 

"I-" He goes to speak but stops himself when we're outside of my door.

"You what?" I cross my arms as I look at him. 

He runs a hand over his face and takes a deep breath, "I have reasons for the way I handle things when it comes to you, Ani. I can't tell you yet, but I will eventually." 

"No, don't do that," I sigh in frustration. He makes fighting my anger issues so damned hard. "You guys shut me out my entire life and even now, I'm still left in the dark. I'm not doing it anymore, Bodhi. Stop with the games." 

"You don't necessarily make it easy to care about you," He says defensively and my lips part in disbelief. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

In the months leading up to the apostasy, I was shut out from every meeting for being too young. The boys got to join while I was left in the dark trying to piece things together from overheard conversations. It wasn't fair. They did it under the guise of protecting me but that was not an excuse I was willing to accept anymore. 

"Don't take it back now, Bodhi," I try to hide the hurt in my voice but it's damn near impossible, "Stand by your word." 

With a shake of my head, I open my door and step into my room. He puts his hand on the frame to keep me from shutting it, "Ani, please. Let me explain."

"I really just need you to leave before I say something I regret," I tell him.

His lips part as if he'll say something else but he stops himself, "Good night, Cadet Alistair."

After I shut the door, I change the gauze on my hand and myself into my sleepgown. 

Sleep is waiting for me and I force myself into slumber so I don't have time to cry.

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tag list: @lynnieluvsu

[dark-lord-of-awesomeness]

Nother random thought because the brain rot is becoming terminal, but I had an idea why dragons would love Stan so much, other than the aura of sad wet cat he produces

Dragons know the value of everything in their hoard, right? They might just be able to sense the value of items. But value is incredibly subjective. Like how tulips in Denmark were once really really valuable. It depends on how much others value it. Might be why dragons kidnap princesses so much, they are seen as having value.

Dragons look at Stan and their instincts tell them he is something of extreme value. One reason is because he's the first sorcerer in centuries and a princess sure, but not the main reason. The main reason is because of Ford.

Ford sees value in Stan. The crown jewel of his hoard. The best person to walk the earth. His incredibly important thing (tm). He has immense value to Ford and that is taken into account when other dragons see him. All dragons hoard, but not all of them have a most important thing in their hoard. Anytime one does it becomes a highly sought after thing because it's value just went through the roof.

Stan is so valuable to Ford that it eclipses the entire rest of his hoard. So especially while Ford is still a dragon, when other dragons see Stan it's like looking at the GDP of a whole country in human form. That sets off all of their instincts to snatch expensive thing immediately. There might have been some code of conduct for this when dragons were still alive, to stop dragon blood feuds to happen over some dragon taking another dragon's most important thing. But they are all dead, so no one remembers that.

This is so funny to me, because all i can imagine is their thought process being like toddlers here. They wouldn't really care about Stan, besides his very rare sorcerer powers that most would consider a pain, except that everyone else wants Stan for either those powers or, more importantly, because Ford wants him.

Instant toddler logic, the 'I only want what he has because he has it.' 'that kid has a toy and i wouldn't care about it except that he's holding it and therefore i want it.' They'd explain it away in a very 'oh this squishy human is very valuable so i want him', but its instantly clockable that only Ford actually values Stan here. The others want him in their hoard, and they'll defend him from 'thieves', but they are not hovering over him and lavishing him in attention and treasure. They just stick him somewhere then almost immediately forget hes there, now that they have him.

In ye olden days, when dragons were still around, the code of conduct was 'might makes right' so dragons who wanted things from other dragons had to beat them up about it. Most of Bills dragons took each other out squabbling over his hoard he left behind, and the rest were driven off by the heros, then forgot about it with the rest of the world. In Fiddlefords time it wasn't uncommon for dragons to get into aerial battles, but really only for things that were super valuable (fights never happened near the thing they were fighting for, so they didn't break it). It wasn't worth fighting over common hoard things. Smaller dragons would try and sneak in, but since dragons always know when there's intruders it was like chasing off kids from the lawn. Whatever dragon has the thing got to keep it for at least 6 months before it could be challenged again over it, to make sure they didnt kill each other all the time. Thankfully not all dragons had the same measure of worth for uncommon not gold objects, so if one dragon found, like, a very rare book as the greatest thing ever, most dragons would be intrigued, but not fight them over it (even though toddler logic is still at play, no one wants to get into a fist fight over everything, and dragons that had a most important thing would defend it more viciously)

If dragons were reintroduced into the modern society they, being young and new to the world and not having dragon culture anymore, would be trying to sneak in and steal Stan constantly. No etiquette about it, just the need to take what the big guy has and brag about it. It would take Fiddleford beating up a bunch of baby dragons (and Ford if hes still a dragon) and shoving culture down their throat to get them to stop.

[grimalkinmessor]

MP100 Characters Ranked on How Likely I Think They Would Be To Use The Death Note:

(because I like combining my hyperfixations ✨)

Mogami. I don't think I have to explain this one.

Ritsu. He is going on a killing spree IMMEDIATELY the boy practically IS Light Yagami, his name is literally spelled with the kanji for justice and he already went on one power-hungry crusade, he is RIPE on the Kira tree og

Dimple. He already has the god complex down, he just has to get on board with the whole killing people thing—considering he's already an evil spirit, it wouldn't take much convincing tbh

Shou. He would cause SO much havoc with it but only for fun. For the meme. For the vine. He kills the Queen of England with it and cackles as he watches the ensuing flood of Megamind memes. He would also threaten his dad into compliance with it because the Death Note isn't Battle Based, it's Instadeath. "Ever go on TV and embarrass me like that again and you're going out by dysentery."

Takenaka. He's not a bad kid, but being telepathic would make him incredibly susceptible to wanting to take bad people out before they did anything wrong. Plus just getting them to shut up. That idiot that keeps having vivid erotic fantasy in the middle of science class has ONE more again before Takenaka would embrace his villain arc whole-heartedly. The only reason he's this far down is because I think he'd hesitate.

Tsubomi. I think she'd kill someone just to see if she could get away with it. Then she'd put it away and only bring it out when certain situations arose that needed a Quick Solution™. That girl knows what needs to be done and she does it—she decisive. Anything like Suzuki happens again and she just drops them dead on live television Lind L. Tailor style and then goes on about her day like nothing happened. All heroes wear pretty hair clips 🙏

Tome. I don't know how to explain this one. Vibes. She feels like she'd be gripped by the powerful urge to kill someone but it would take her a lot to go through with actually writing someone's name down. She'd want to test the Death Note first to see if it worked, so that's one person down, but anyone else would need to have either hurt her or her friends irreversibly, and even then it would probably be a one time thing. She'd use it far less than Tsubomi—two people might actually be her max.

Serizawa. I hc that people with psychic powers can see the Death Note's bad jujus or whatever, so he wouldn't have to test it to know it would work, but I still think he'd use it. If he found it while he was still with Claw, he'd use it because it was easier to kill someone that way than with his psychic powers. Even if it he found it after Claw, it'd be the same reasoning. He's definitely killed people in the past and if someone hurt his friends or his mother he'd very much take the easy out of simply writing down a name rather than going for a fight. He'd still feel really bad about it though, so it'd probably only happen once.

Minori. She uses it to see if it's real, finds that it very much is, and then locks it away in her room. She won't use it, but it'll be a constant thought in her mind. A very real temptation.

Emi. She uses it once out of curiosity to see if it's real, then buries it in the woods where no one will ever find it...but she can go back for it if she ever needs it.

Hanazawa. He's reformed but his temper is still something to behold. He's only this far down the list because he's got that "I could kill you with my powers why would I need a book to do it for me" swag ✨

Shimazaki. Similar to Teru but less reformed. "I would just kill you with my powers why would I need a notebook" two electric boogaloo. Plus he's blind and idk if the Death Note takes braille or morse code.

Toichiro. The ULTIMATE "I'll just kill you with my powers I don't fucking need that thing"

Shinra. He wouldn't use it, but he'd absolutely make the mistake of picking it up and handing it over to someone that WOULD use it (cough rising sun psychic division cOugh)

Onigawara. Talks big shit about using it, but would never. Likes to think he COULD use it though, even though he's too upright for it.

Reigen. Picks it up out of curiosity and gets a laugh out of it, but doesn't test it. He's seen enough shit to be cautious though, so he has Mob look it over and then burns it once Mob confirms it's got bad vibes.

Mob. Sees bad vibes. Doesn't even pick it up. Blasts it into ash and goes home without thinking about it again. Buys milk on the way there.

[i-heart-hxh]

Do you think killua realizes the intense feelings for gon are actually romantic in nature? He is still a kid, one who was pretty sheltered in life until recently, so I doubt he has a full grasp on the full spectrum of human emotions, especially since he probably had to repress them a lot as a child/interacted very little with people outside of his family.

I personally think he has at least some idea of the nature of his feelings by the time they separate, though it's debatable to what degree. Even though you're totally right that he's grown up isolated from most of society and his emotions were suppressed growing up, he's shown having some awareness of romance and sexuality (examples: his reaction to Leorio wanting to feel up Leroute in the Hunter Exam, knowing what shibari--a type of bondage--is in Yorknew, his panic/misunderstanding about what Gon meant when talking about going on "dates" in the past, and understanding the potential situation with Meruem having Palm/a woman with him in Chimera Ant arc). His parents are married and he does have older siblings, and he presumably had internet access as well, so those might be potential reasons why he's less naive than Gon.

I think the Palm situation may have forced him into some kind of tipping point when thinking about the meaning of his feelings. Plus, he was the one who used the word shinjuu (lovers suicide) to describe what he was planning to do with Gon, which is a word that seems to imply some awareness on his part. Surely he would have heard of that in the context of doomed lovers, which is most commonly how it's used.

There isn't enough to go off of in canon to say for sure he knows, though--and I've discussed lately how the friends vs comrades crisis within him may be "coding" for him trying to understand his romantic feelings, which would lead one to think maybe he doesn't totally understand, or perhaps he's in denial to some degree even if he does partially understand his feelings.

I personally think he has a jumble of thoughts and emotions about it that are hard for him to untangle fully, and they may shift constantly. By Greed Island and beyond he seems pretty smitten, so it's unlikely that he wouldn't notice his feelings and consider what they mean as time goes by, but at the same time he might struggle with admitting it fully to himself, and even if he has internally admitted it to some degree he might go back and forth on how much he's willing to explore or deeply consider it. It's very possible he has some level of shame about it--feeling he "shouldn't" be having these kinds of feelings about his best friend, especially with how vulnerable even just their friendship can be for him.

Post-separation, I could see him grappling with these feelings and trying to push them away, while still trying to preserve the "normal" friendship part of their relationship. After all, in Chimera Ant arc these intense feelings only made things more painful and difficult for him, and I'm sure he believes Gon doesn't reciprocate. I don't think Killua will succeed in getting rid of these feelings even if this is the case--hopefully eventually he'll be able to express them to Gon in some form.

So anyway, that's my half-analysis and half-headcanons on the matter. I go back and forth somewhat myself on how much awareness I think he has about it, but with how analytical and contemplative he is I do think it's something he would internally consider a lot, so it feels unlikely to me that he has no idea at all, especially post-Palm date. I'm curious what others think as well, as there isn't a clear-cut answer for this. Thanks for asking!

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

Do they keep a diary/a journal?

Mal - yes, actually. But no gross feelings stuff, ew. Just drawings. ...Of various levels of "disturbing". (Peak being begining of D2, of course)

Jay - nah. Better stuff to do. Also lowkey paranoid it'll be stolen.

Evie - yes, technically, multiple. She keeps one journal to jot down what was when done to any potions she's brewing (the correct scientific procedure), her fashion one, of course, for whatever designs she dreams of, and lastly, one to note down orders and payments for her shop.

Carlos - nah. He's got a collection of loose papers with important and "important" info on them. His cousins still keep finding them in Hell Hall. Jay has to move them from his parts of the room regularly. Mal found papers stuck in between her journal.

Uma - no. WAY more important shit to do, and she finds it way too sentimental. She keeps records of stuff important for the running of her crew, but doesn't consider it a journal, rather a public record.

Harry - yes. To the surprise if absolutely no one, the thing he writes most about is Uma. There are several original songs and poems for her as well. He wouldn't mind if she found it.

Gil - I wanna say yes, he tries. He's not very consistent though. The only thing he writes about is his friends and crewmates – he accidentally puts it down in the common space of the ship often, and most of the crewmates picked it up once. Cos, y'know. You see, you take. If they read it, they began blushing furiously under the excited "My friends are SO cool" Gil wrote and gave it back to him without a word.

Claudine - once she stops living with her father, yes, though it took some convincing. She doesn't write regularly, though, because she just doesn't know what to write, and is afraid of putting her thoughts on the paper. Later, she writes poems in letters so small it's illegible, since poetry masks the true self a bit.

Harriet - yes. She writes regularly, though not a lot of feelings stuff. She writes poems and vague stories draws whatever comes to her mind (mostly abstract stuff) and keeps it tightly locked up in her cabin, since that shit is DARK. Smee twins accidentally found it once and Sammy kept complaining they were afraid of her drawings for two weeks straight.

CJ - ...she tries to. It never lasts more than two days in row. But she adds new disjointed entry every time she's reminded that her older siblings do so. It's actually extremely disturbing in different way than Harriet's since she has ZERO ability to self-censor.

Freddie - two. One for music and one for dreams and card readings.

Celia - one. Dreams and Cards and Friends on the other side. Though, technically, both sisters share another one, written in cryptic code and abbreviations and moved from place to place with regularity but without a set schedule. This one is about secrets of the Isle residents, the ones they bother or dare to write down.

Dizzy - I wanna say yes, actual diary, feelings and all. To utter exasperation of all her older relatives.

Anthony - no, keeping tabs on the salon is enough, thank you.

Dulcia - look, my girl deserves a Burn Book.

Ginny - not really. If she absolutely NEEDS something noted down, she tells Anthony. Exception being medical notes at the Escape but she delegates paperwork away any time she can. Also, I feel like her handwriting is borderline illegible to anyone but her and the three people she shares mental disturbances with (Maddy, Anthony, Harriet)

Maddy - she keeps tabs on the Apothecary and like Evie, writes down the shit she's synthetising. It's only correct to do.

Ivy - Yeah she gets a burn book too. She deserves it <3. It's in one notebook with scraps from fashion magasines and and some kaligrams. (Again, that's a form of self-censure. Can't read it, so it isn't there.)

I think I ran out of Isle kids, so AKs (all regarding a diary):

Audrey - canonically she does, I have nothing else to add.

Ben - he tries to, but he doesn't manage to write regularly, what with being a CHILD KING and all. It's healthy for him tho. Took the habit from his mother.

Chad - I refuse to believe this boy has a diary. He views it as "useless" and "too feminine".

Jane - yes, actual diary full of feelings. Starting each entry with "dear diary". She locks it religiously though, since her mother can and will read it if give an oppurtunity to.

Ally - yes and frankly it should be studied and/or published (with different names for the sake of privacy, but i'd pay a lot to read a diary of Ally Liddel of Wonderland)

Lonnie - ...no. she tried to, few times, but never quite managed more than few entries in a row. She doesn't particularly like sitting still, and fancies the thought of someone actually reading what she thinks about certain stuff even less.

Jordan - ...she uses her blogs and vlogs as a diary. The more private ones. Not her Drama Channel.

[platonically-loving-alastor]

Aroace Alastor

Hoo boy here we go- This one might make some people mad at me, so I'll preface by saying I do not want to start a fight and as long as you respect my business, I'll respect yours. But let's get this over with-

First off, I genuinely don't understand how some people can see the Ace-In-The-Hole quote and still believe that Alastor is only intended to be asexual and not also aromantic. Yes, the term Rosie used for purpose of the pun was 'ace', but can we look at the context of that moment before jumping to conclusions?

Rosie, motioning to Charlie: "Oh, who's this you brought with you? Come now, Alastor, she's much too young for you! Oh, I'm just kidding. I know you're an ace in the hole!"

Her original statement implies nothing sexual, only that he's involved in a relationship with Charlie, and she follows it up with why she knows that couldn't be because he's an 'ace in the hole'. I don't think you have to read too far between the lines to see that.

I would also like to say that when Vivienne has spoken about his orientation before, I recall her saying that she didn't want to confirm him being aromantic so that she wouldn't 'ruin anyone's fun', which I just feel like is an odd thing to say if she wasn't already explicitly picturing him as aroace. If she thought he had romantic attraction, why wouldn't she just say that? What fun would that ruin? I also feel like keeping things like this ambiguous just to appease the shippers is a little weird, but I digress-

And to those of you who I know are saying "But aromantic people can be in relationships too!!" *deep inhale* yeah I know. I'm not gonna pretend you're not right about that, but there are also aroace people who have exactly 0 interest in romance or sex at all. This is the part of the post that really is based on how I interpret certain moments, but to me he is absolutely one of those people. I don't really know where people get any vibes of him being interested in that stuff. I have never once looked at him and thought "Yeah I could see him in a romantic relationship with *insert character here*". Even aside from attraction in general, since that's what we'd be talking about at this point anyway, he just seems like the kind of guy who'd rather work and live independently instead of relying on anyone, whether practically or emotionally (which is also probably part of the reason he never joined the Vees, but that's another topic entirely). Hell, I'm pretty sure he's in heavy denial about even developing any kind of care or friendship with the people at the hotel (ie. the episode 8 scene with him and Niffty).

The only ships I see him involved in with people he doesn't hate (so ignoring RadioApple, RadioHusk, and StaticRadio. But to be real, maybe the fact all his main ships are enemies to lovers coded says something about the whole situation, but that's just me-) are Charlastor - which I will not even try to discuss here, people aren't gonna like this post as it is - and RadioRose. Rosie and him would at least be fair, if it weren't for one thing (which is also personal opinion on my end), and I don't know exactly how to word it. I'm tempted to say she has wingwoman vibes? But she knows he's aro, so that's not the right word, but there's vibes of like, she probably did act as a wingwoman before she realized that about him or something.. There's also something about her joking around like "Oh this is the girl? You have a girlfriend and I'm only now meeting her?" is almost giving motherly behavior. Idk man they're just besties to me, I could see them in a QPR though (not that they'd probably label it that way, considering the word queerplatonic is likely just complete gibberish to Alastor lmao).

So to summarize: It feels incredibly likely, if not practically canon, that Alastor was written with aromanticism in mind, even if Vivienne refuses to explicitly state it. Subtext and not-that-subtle implications can say just as much about a character as word of God, especially when that God has explicitly told us why she won't confirm or deny this information. Do I think any of this will stop people from shipping him romantically with literally any other character? No ofc it won't, and that's okay, that's just what fandoms do. I do think there's something to say for the fact the one aroace (or even at the very least asexual) character gets constantly shipped with everyone else in the cast, but this post is long enough I think. The only point of posting this is that I wanted to get information out there in one post to say "Hey, let's look a little bit past the surface for a second before saying there's no proof of him being aromantic"

Anyway, thanks for reading, I hope you at least took something away from this

[tsams-killswap-au]

Theoretical question (mainly for Moon, since its more science-y than i think Sun would like to answer) Lets say you two didn't decide to make a whole new body, but instead carefully stitch your codes together as a more safely structured base.

If that were to happen, i have heard from other sources that it wouldn't be two to come out with a bunch of risks, but one singular being with minimal risks.

Would you two have chosen to merge in a way, than to be separated?

Moon, Would you have done that as a liable option to not risk Sun's ai and body, or your own body?

And Sun, even though Moon doesn't appear for work often, do you still take at least a little break to recharge, either literally or mentally?

Moon: Me and Sun MERGING? 

Moon: That’s a new one. The idea never even crossed my mind. 

Moon: First of all– Hmm– yeah, I could probably pull that off. It shouldn’t be any harder than what it took to separate us. 

Moon: Second of all, the fact it carries way less risk is something to consider. We thought separating was the only option, and accepted everything that could go wrong, but we could have weighed the pros and cons if we’d known about merging.

Moon: But I don’t know if I’d WANT that. 

Moon: When I first woke up, I was trapped in Sun’s head. We were already stuck together, and we both hated it. I don’t think I’d want to fuse together. 

Moon: Maybe if it was the ONLY way to stop the pain we were going through, but to be honest? I just wanted to be my own person. 

Moon: And it wasn’t just MY decision. When me and Sun stopped fighting and agreed to be brothers, we BOTH chose to do this.

Sun: WHAT are they asking? 

Moon: They brought up the idea that we could have fused into one person, instead of separating. 

Sun: Huh–  You mean like… Garnet? 

Moon: Yeah, sure. Like Garnet. I was thinking Fu- sion - HAH. 

Sun: Huh! We can do that? 

Moon: Yeah I probably could have figured it out.

Sun: Well that’d be kinda weird, don’t you think? I mean, I’m ME, and you’re YOU! If we fused, wouldn’t we cease to exist and someone else would replace us!? 

Moon: Mmmmm actually yes, that’s probably EXACTLY what would happen. 

Sun: What would happen to our personalities!? I love kids and you hate them, so what would this hypothetical new guy think!? 

Moon: You know, that’s a damn good question. What do you get when you mix care and hate together? 

Sun: And you’re smart, and I– aaaam– NOT smart! Would our brains be mixed together, making this new guy slightly smarter than you are now? Or would ME subtract from YOU and they’d be dumber than you but smarter than me? 

Moon: Ooor maybe a fucked up patchwork of all our traits mixed and matched.  

Sun: And you’re a jerk and I’m NICE! Which one would this guy be!?

Sun: Besides!! I’m Sun and you’re Moon! What would that make us, if we fused into one person!? 

Moon: *Snrk* I mean let’s just think here, Sun! There’s only one thing you COULD call it. We’d be an Eclipse. 

Sun: Ahh yeahhh. But you’re blue and I’m yellow and that makes GREEN! So… wouldn’t that make us an Earth, since the Earth’s the only thing in space that’s green? 

Sun: (I mean it’s blue, but it’s also green!) 

Moon: Don’t people usually call the Earth, like, “Mother Earth?” 

Sun: Ohh, yeah. 

Moon: I mean, I don’t really care, I’d be fine with it. 

Sun: You’re right, you’re right though, an Eclipse just makes more sense!

Sun: But, I dunno! 

Sun: I like being myself! And I like Moon being my Brother!  I like that we’re our own people! 

Moon: Yeah, I like that too. I wanted space, I wanted FREEDOM. I didn’t want to be turned into someone else. 

Sun: I definitely don’t want to be turned into someone else!! I don’t want to die and get reborn as someone different! I want to be ME! 

Sun: So naaah, nah, I don’t think we’d have done a fusion dance.

Moon: So even if we'd had both options back then, we still would have chosen to separate, even if the risk was a lot higher than merging was.

Sun: But it’s neat to think about and imagine!

[scoobydoodean]

Something fun for you to ponder. When Sam was soulless, Bobby thought there was a chance that, "This is just Sam." I think it's because Sam tends to perform empathy somewhat selectively, at times more cognitively than emotionally. Do I personally think it's a neurodivergent trait? Yes, I do. BUT. It's hilarious to me that Bobby looked at soulless Sam and thought, "Hmm. There's a good chance that's just Sam." No?

Ho ho! Very interesting.

From 6.06 "You Can't Handle the Truth":

DEAN I don't know how much longer I can do this, Bobby. You got to figure out what the hell he is and fast. BOBBY I'm trying. But, Dean, there's a worst-case scenario. DEAN What, Satan's my co-pilot? Yeah, I know. BOBBY Well, that'd be the other worst case. DEAN Well, then what? BOBBY Maybe it's just Sam

Notably: This happens before anyone knows Sam is soulless and before Sam has admitted that he doesn't feel anything, but after Sam has let Dean get attacked and turned by a vampire.

I don't think that Bobby disagrees with Dean that Sam is acting different from before (I think that's why he calls it a worst case scenario). Sam has been putting everybody on edge, not just Dean (Samuel says that Sam scares him in 6.07). I think what Bobby is considering is that Sam simply isn't the same person after The Cage—that Sam compartmentalized his emotions to deal with the trauma—turned himself into a stone cold killing machine as a coping tool—and now Sam doesn't know how to warm back up to feeling anymore or caring about anyone or anything (or maybe can't because it's still too raw). Bobby's considering the idea that Sam may have simply cracked open and spilled his emotions out on the floor somewhere and left them behind... which ironically, is pretty much what happened?

Bobby is aware of similar (though less extreme) behavior from Sam in the past in coping with trauma. In fact, he arguably knows this side of Sam better than Dean does. Sam ghosted Bobby while Dean was in hell (and for months in 3.11 "Mystery Spot", though Bobby doesn't remember that). It wasn't that Sam stopped feeling (he was full of anguish and rage), but he did push Bobby away and focus obsessively on revenge, hunting like a machine. Sam pushed away the potential to talk through Dean's death with someone else who loved Dean and understood a lot of the grief Sam was feeling because it opened him up to a dangerous amount of vulnerability.

This is very John-coded behavior from Sam and it doesn't represent a lack of emotion as much as it represents "I feel so much that I cannot stand the idea of touching that emotion or I will break". It's a refusal to engage with and feel certain emotions, because if he did, he wouldn't be able to get up. Anger is fuel that burns hot and keeps you moving, but grief and fear can rip the life from you.

Consider even John's way of dealing with the worry he perpetually felt about Sam. Yelling and telling Sam never to come back when Sam wanted to go to school, making the fight all about betrayal and responsibility when deep down the entire time, John was just scared that Sam would get hurt (1.08, 1.20). Griping at Sam as a kid for wanting to play soccer (1.08), but without Sam's knowledge, quietly placing Sam's soccer trophy in a storage unit because John couldn't bear to throw it away even though there was no room for it on the road (3.03). John buried certain representations of affection and love because they were fraught with so much terror. Being open about how much he cared exposed him to feeling so much fear he couldn't cope with it, and John feels emotions incredibly deeply like Dean does. When the crying starts he cannot stop. It isn't macho bullshit—it isn't "I'm a man so this is unacceptable"—it's "If I feel this emotion right now at this exact moment then I will shatter into a million pieces".

Sam does the same thing when Dean is dead. Bobby represents vulnerability, family, and love—talking about how much Dean meant to both of them. The rage is easier. Being a hunting machine in 3.11 is easier. Focusing on murdering demon and training to kill Lilith is easier.

When the people Dean loves are in pain, Dean talks to them—he tells them how much he cares about them. He lets himself be vulnerable with it. Sam wants something to do and he needs to take charge. We see this is in 5.07 after Bobby reveals that he's having suicidal thoughts. Dean is distraught, and Sam is too (we see how much Bobby's opinion of him matters to Sam in 5.01)—but Sam just tells Bobby he isn't going to let him sacrifice himself, then jumps into action and focuses on the mission, while Dean lingers at Bobby's side. Then at the end of the episode, Dean sits down with Bobby alone and tells him how much he loves him and needs him. I don't think Sam could have that conversation at that point in his life. I genuinely don't think he could—and not because he doesn't love Bobby, but because he can't touch the distress that would surface from a discussion like that. One could argue Sam really does the same thing in 3.10, stepping outside of Bobby's house and seeking out Jeremy inside Bobby's dream while Dean goes up the stairs and finds Bobby and again—opens himself up to vulnerable emotions and expresses how much Bobby means to him—that he sees him as a father and he can't lose him. Sam focuses on finding the guy doing all of this and skirts the emotional vulnerability.

I think this is something Bobby, then, is very familiar with from Sam, so when he takes it to an extreme, where Sam is now dealing with a traumatic experience from being in The Cage, he can easily see how Sam would suppress his emotions and focus on hunting like a machine yet again, and how that could possibly reach such an extreme that Sam would stop feeling altogether and maybe not know how to or not be able to come back from that. And you know... I've never thought of this before in this exact way, but how did Sam's soul and body get separated in The Cage? Is there anything that disproves the idea that Sam himself ripped his soul from his body to cope with Lucifer's torture?

[that-one-i-think]

MCD KAI LORE TIME!

(I am a firm believer of giving Meif'wa facial hair/stubble. They're cats. FURRRR! Give them body hair) Please give me your thoughts on the lore and stuff! I am starved for attention, validation, and discourse!

Kai is the nephew of the current king of Tu'la. Their family comes from an offshoot of the main branch family of the Northern Tu'la kingdom who didn't get the big cat tiger gene, or "blessing," but rather are normal domestic meif'wa. This meant that they wouldn't be viable for the throne since it has to go to a tiger, but when the main family got sick and died, a miracle happened when Kai's uncle received the tiger's blessing in their wake. A fortunate miracle, for while it was incredibly rare for the branch family to get the blessing, it had happened before.

The branch family was then moved into the palace and took the positions of the deceased members, and the new Young King took the throne. Four years into his rule, Kai was born and was then labeled a possible inheritor of the throne after his older siblings. He grew up with an amazing education while learning how to navigate the politics of Northern Tu'la. His uncle, both seeing and fearing of Kai's talents, sent him to Southern Tu'la to stay with their royal family as a way to… tie the two nations together when he was 15.

Kai thrived in this environment and became an advisor by the age of 17 (Kinda Zane Coded). He eventually became rather beloved by the Southern Tu'lanian community and became a staple in the southern capital of Solspear. Unfortunately, his intentions did not stay kind as he started feeding his uncle information, becoming the king's favorite and further securing his chance of being next in line for the throne. The kindness he was shone was overshadowed by the thrill of power.

When he was 20, he aided in the invasion of Southern Tu'la by the North. He poisoned the royal family with something he only thought would have made them so sick that they would have had to surrender peacefully, but his uncle was not that kind. Kai watched what was said to be a quick and peaceful overpowering turn into a massacre as both Northern Tu'la soldiers and the recently aligned O'kasis soldiers slaughtered the people of which he considered his. The last look of his host family's eyes was utter betrayal as every orifice of their body leaked blood, trying to escape the boiling temperatures.

He, who was once a beloved child advisor, became a symbol of betrayal and hurt, earning the nickname "Scorpion" by the remaining southern Tu'la people. His uncle was incredibly proud of him but was fearful of his ambition, so for the first two years of his reign, he sent Kai around Southern Tu'la to burn down any temples of Menphia left and gather up all of the warriors and remaining soldiers to send to the newly formed Gladiator Pits. A distraction so Kai wouldn't interfere with him overtaking O'khasis after he killed the O'khasis soldiers that helped in his overtaking of Tu'la.

Kai did his job and shoved all emotions deep down, choosing to display aloof behavior to cope with his actions. Realization came crashing down when he returned from his expedition to see children no older than 12 fighting in the pits for entertainment. Orphans convicted of the crime of stealing bread because he burned down the temples housing them. (One of these kids was in fact Liochant, or Lais at the time.) He then decided to help free the gladiators by playing into the game. (Age 22)

He created a new sort of playboy persona, one where he found a love of gambling and a penchant for the underdog gladiators. His uncle took notice of his disinterest in the throne and encouraged Kai's new behavior, allowing him to have almost unlimited money and access to trades. Kai then started buying gladiators who were on their last legs due to injury or were no longer viewed as entertaining and either turning them into his servants or revamping them, though it wasn't uncommon to see people go missing under his care. As most benefactors of gladiators, he had no qualms of disposing them how he saw fit, though unlike others, his disposal method required a lot less blood but a ship out of the country.

When he was 31, he acquired Liochant, or Lais Ravanah Havilah, aka Lais Seshadri, the Pit Viper of Solspear. Liochant, who was 20 and a half years old, had been practically given to him by one of the crueler benefactors after Liochant had refused to kill a child shadow knight in the pit. Kai pitied him and wanted to… disappear him as fast as possible, but at the time he had no gladiator, so he used Lio. He helped heal Liochant from his previous treatment while still having him fight for him and be arm candy for whenever Kai needed for the galas. When Liochant was 22, he managed to get a newer gladiator on his hands, and suddenly, his little Lais broke a family heirloom and had to disappear one night. Liochant then woke up one morning on a trade ship with 2 trunks full of clothes, his khopesh, and enough coin to last a few months.

Kai's operation continued until he was sent to watch over the troops in O'khasis after the prisoner and former Lady of O'khasis, Zianna, escaped.

I essentially made Kai a sort of foil to Zane. Both characters manipulated into doing horrible things for their father figures for power and favor, except one regretted it and the other did not.

(FYI - Liochant hated him and still hates him. Kai's helpful actions did not get rid of his previous actions and the ways he still used Liochant for gain/cover. If it came down to it, Kai still would have put his life before Liochant's. Also he is the reason why Liochant still has so many of his clothes because he didn't think about sending him with food or books to learn about the culture, just clothing and a sword.... Rich people.)

[fanfiction-blep]

Live action Percy Jackson & The Olympians... Head cannons:

So its basically fannon that Hermes is Lin-Manuel Miranda? Now not all Hermes kid's hate their father, but they probably hate his musicals. Imagine the Apollo kids singing different musicals or songs written by Hermes/Lin, just to piss off the Hermes kids.

Like a Hermes kid looses a fight or just falls over and the nearest Apollo kid goes... "Look at my son..." Or a fight breaks out and if even for a second a Hermes kid is near an Apollo kid will back away hands up singing "I'm removing myself from the narrative.." OR two birds one stone and if an Athena and Hermes kid are near one another (Bonus point's if they are dating) an Apollo kid will sing "You've married an Icarus, he's flown to close to the sun" Just because it irritates both of them. Athena kids have a sensitive spot for Icarus.

I feel like demigods don't only have Dyslexia and ADHD I feel like Neurodivergence expands to other area's of the spectrum like Autism. They aren't wired for the human world right?

We know that kids of gods that have beef take it out on each other... I KNOW that the Hephaestus kids mess with the Ares cabin, setting traps and even jinx weapons. They are damn sure smart enough and they cannot prove that it was one of the Hephaestus kids, let alone which one...

this probably extends to Aphrodite cabin too.. Imagine Hephaestus kids sabotaging Aphrodite kids on dates with other campers or just generally being sarcastic.

BUT based on the fact Percy could sneak off in the middle of the night in Episode two, I bet the cabins that feud also meet up. Once a month or something, a couple of the kids who partook in that months shenanigans go somewhere like the beach or woods to 'keep the peace' and they just for a night, let go of their parents fights. Luke is the one who suggested this.

Luke keeps a journal, don't ask me where he keeps it. I know how risky it is for him considering that he's planning to betray his home and friends. But in his mind he is actually helping them, so not only does he keep a journal but he has code words for things like. "The holiday is coming up" for the summer solstice or something.

Luke obviously secretly hates his dad, and while he seems very disciplined and wouldn't let that hatred shine through at prayer time... despite his ability to pretend he's a loyal son, he always prays for Annabeth or Thalia. Sometimes his mum.

Clarisse cries in the shower, you don't get any privacy at camp, the woods have nymphs, so does the lake or river. And she is still a kid, a kid who has to be the big bad daughter of Ares. Even though its not all an act, she still has feelings and she can't express them with her siblings. So she cries in the shower.

Annabeth doesn't really have friends (I know this is kinda cannon) She's been at camp so long that people who join after her seem to assume she has her people, but her people is Luke. She gets along with a couple of her siblings. She very to the point and direct and it kinda push's people away. it's why her and Percy bounce off each other so well and it's plain as day in the second episode.

[transinistorarch]

𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺𝙶𝚁𝙾𝚄𝙽𝙳 𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙵𝙵 ::

I know I've mentioned things before but I wanted to mention again..... Nothing really happened to Alastor to make him such a twisted, demented freak. He wasn't necessarily abused or bullied. He was always a sadist in some way and always kinda morbid. This goes all the way back into his childhood.

When he was a kid, and I'm talking like, early 1900s because in my headcanon, Alastor would have been born around 1901, he used to play in the swamp and part of that play entailed hunting small animals like birds and rabbits. He'd bring them home to his mother to cook which was pretty normal in 1900s. In fact, domestic refrigerators didn't even exist until Alastor was around 17. He used to very much enjoy watching her butcher them, though, like, he had a perhaps abnormal and elevated interest in gore. This went unnoticed by his mother though because she saw Alastor as simply eager to help her out in the kitchen which was seen as something sweet and endearing. Which really, he was eager to help out and of course he was delighted when she decided she'd teach him to cook so he could do all that for himself but... No. There was always this twisted, morbid fascination with the feeling and look of raw meat and death.

As Alastor grew older he got interested in the occult and its darker fringes. This wasn't clocked either, given voodoo was in his family. Louisiana voodoo specifically is a blend of haitian vodou and christianity. So his family that he was in contact with, like his mother and grandmother, were vodouists/serviteurs which was already considered 'different" from more mainstream spirituality. Therefore anything concerningly 'different' about Alastor or his interests that could have possibly been clocked as a "red flag", so to speak, was instead looked at as normal and even encouraged. But even then I wouldn't say Alastor was necessarily dangerous or destined to be a monster. He may have become a slightly sociopathic but not actually evil or demonic surgeon if he was able to get his way initially, but that didn't happen due to the  racism and segregation of the time period.

So Alastor's frustrations and malice came less from being abused or bullied personally and more from simply living as a queer, mixed-race guy in the early 1900s and navigating the nuances of that, and thus having everything sort of slanted against him from the beginning. It resulted in a very special, visceral rage toward the oppressors and that is almost always who Alastor took it out on. To me the concept of Alastor having a weird moral code refers to this. Louisanna in this time period was more forward than other places but still not near enough for Alastor not to be acutely aware of stuff like racism, misogyny and homophobia. All things that negatively effected him and the people he cared for in some way and to varying degrees. Of course Alastor was more privileged in life than some, being seen as male and straight as far as most people cared to question and he was able to get even more wiggle room out of being largely white passing, along with the fact that for the time and for Alastor's racial background, he was able to get a decent education and while he wasn't wealthy he didn't live in any kind of poverty but, even with all these things, he knew he was seen as lesser.

In fact, since Alastor did have a good education for that time period thanks to his mother AND was articulate, literate and sophisticated to a very "white standard " (keeping in mind, it wasn't even uncommon for white people to be illiterate back in the early 1900s.) And STILL he was denied and rejected from certain opportunities and this helped to drive his ass crazy. It was hard to comprehend not being able to have or do things just because your family is racially diverse and the wrong person might find out you're not as white as you talk ! Its a very deeply fucked up situation to find yourself in and a special kind of trauma that isn't exclusive to dark skinned individuals, though they certainly suffer it worse due to colorism particularly in this time period. Alastor was always kind of balancing on a line here and it was a source of endless frustration. I also wanna make a quick note to say Alastor's family are not "predominately" black or white. Alastor has multiple relatives who are mixed in some way or another and thats typically what creole  refers to in Alastor's region of living and especially what it describes when used today. I imagine Alastor's mother was lighter skinned also. He also has some native american ancestry here from his grandfather and even some latin american, too, because a few of Alastor's direct relatives, including his mother, are also mixed and I think a lot of people seem to imagine it as Alastor's family background are strictly all afro-american and his father is some random lone white guy, which is probably why I see so many people in the fandom whining about Alastor's skin and features being ""not mixed"" enough when actually he's the very epitome of mixed and social media has made people racist but just in a woke way LMAO.

Even getting on radio was somehow marred by this. As far as my personal HC goes, I wouldn't depict it as him always aspiring to be on radio. For me, he stumbled into it due to having undeniable charisma and talent as a singer and speaker which he picked up from frequenting speakeasys in his late teens/early 20s. After preforming at one he was confronted and accepted by a pair of studio directors who considered him as a personality for their station and Alastor was all about it because FINALLY some real attention and praise. This way, Alastor's "" racial ambiguity"" didn't even matter because no one was gonna actually be looking at him to ever wonder or ""suspect"" anything.

So, yeah. No. The most horrifying and traumatic thing Alastor ever experienced in life was his death, which was also aggravated by Alastor being Not Actually White in my HC, effectively making it more of a lynching than an ""accident"" because I don't really see how he could have been mistaken for a deer or, whatever, lol ( So thats not really where Alastor's deer traits come from in my HC. ) And by that time Alastor was already a killer !

Again, not attributed to trauma or abuse and more to things like Alastor's morbid fascination with death and gore, his sadism and enjoyment of violence, his interest in the occult and dabbling in "black magic ", creating kind of a bokor out of him ( resulting in a certain cringy puppy dog squish he had on a certain demoness but thats for later post ) and just the sheer frustration and rage he felt for those around him who looked down on and would aim to mistreat him and others like him. Once again... Alastor's a punch up guy. He doesn't punch down, his crazy ass is always swinging for the big guys.

[what-if-i-like-my-mechs-older]

(Pt59)

Soundwave had come to his senses, panel a mess and oozing from the seams. Primus damn Orion, damn him in every form he took.

His back had arched, and he'd sat up suddenly, frustrated, how did Orion managed to claw inside of him, since the day he'd been here.

The moment he'd seduced Megatron. Those looks, the blue optics half lidded in black , lips so full all he could think about was kissing him.

Stomping off to the rest room, still fuming, he was pissed that he still found it adorable how childish Orion had been , refusing to walk and letting him half drag him to the brig that day.

The Decepticons panel opened and frag it was a bigger mess than he'd assumed , great, just great he was going to need to shower before he could even return to them!

Orion was probably making out with Jazz right in front of Megatron, or making out with both of them, he wouldn't put it past the autobot!

As he scrubbed himself he couldn't stop thinking of Orion sitting on his lap like that, he would have absolutely lifted that slinky garment up to Orions hips and quietly fragged his valve right there if that's what Pax had wanted.

Soundwave wanted him to be his, let the mech spread for who ever he wanted but he wanted him to return always to him.

Seeing how Orion had taken it upon himself to still play Stardew with his kids while away, send messages and record himself reading a bedtime story for them in between 'distracting' the Autobots.

The most enticing thing about Orion besides his attitude and physical appearance was his genuine want to take care of the smaller Decepticons.

It was kicking his breeding protocols into overdrive...

He slid down the shower wall sighing as he took the time to settle those codes, work through them to remind them they were in a war they couldn't have another one, not yet, not right now.

Orion, couldn't be mad at him for having an overload, he'd not touched himself, Pax had caused a hands free one and that was the autobots fault, so if there wasn't as much seed as he'd hoped for when he came back, that was Pax's problem not his.

Back at the Earth equivalent of Maccadams oil house.

(Small reminder that as Jazz refers to optronix/orion with female pronouns I'll just keep referring to orion with them to make it easier for me. As you know david kaye voices tfa optimus so I'm just depicting here when he's Optronix he sounds like the voice he used for Armada Megatron in my head.)

Megatron and Jazz were waiting to hear an adventure on Iacon that Optronix had been in that wasn't a nightmare but the writer couldn't think of jackshit so used something they knew actually happened.

"You know...I can't really think of something on Iacon, considering most of my memories on Cybertron include my parentals or Sentinel in someway, I mean, my carrier kept filing down my fangs, had to hide that I was part war frame, sire wasn't really around much, hmm how about my youngest memory, now don't ask me why, I was just a little sparkling of a thing, I tried to wake my sire thinking it was time for school."

Optronix shook her head, rolling her eyes, however both Megatron and Jazz were listening to her, especially as Megatron didn't know why Optronix had been ashamed of his fangs...no not ashamed, afraid of them being found out, that certainly explained a lot on why his war frame seem to fluctuate , it'd been suppressed for so long and was now finally finding freedom. Though he still didn't know yet the extent of what Sentinel had done to her, just that he was a great source of pain.

"That's awful that they'd do that, shouldn't they have accepted you as you are?"

Jazz asked gently, taking her hand, Megatron followed suit by placing one on her shoulder.

"Well, back then you'd be taken away and sent off world...that or terminated. So I know why they did it but...wait I'm going off from the story I was telling you, so I was trying to wake him up, he wouldn't because he'd drunk too much the night before, my carrier had a breakdown and ran off to their carriers that night, I tried shaking my sire awake but he kept making tired sounds. Couldnt even open his damn optics."

She dragged on the Energon Cigarette she'd lit up after Soundwave had disappeared and let the smoke pass her lips.

"It really is funny, I wasn't even old enough to attend any place of education yet, but still I pulled on my little protective boots, they had these cute little blue and pink cyberbears on them , dressed warm and pulled a chair up to the door and opened it and walked right out."

Both Jazz and Megatron paused, imagining a tiny Orion Pax just wandering the streets trying to figure out how to get to a school for itty bitty tiny sparklings, before Megatron could even pull her against him, Jazz beat him to it.

"I don't care what was going on with them, they should never have left you in that position."

He held her close and she, well she didn't know what to do with that, because no one had ever said that to her, if she did share that story usually the response had just been like 'damn' or 'wow that was careless of them'.

"I was lucky though. Two nice femmes found me and took me to the police station, gave me sweet energon milk and pushed me around on a wheelie chair, it was my carrier who came and picked me up I remember how excited she was to see me."

She tried to explain, trying to soften the story.

"That doesn't make that better woman! Your sire clearly wasn't in any fit state to care for you and your carrier just left you with him. That is completely irresponsible."

She found herself snuggling up against him an arm around his waist.

Optronix was quiet , for one of the autobots, he wasn't so bad , She guessed, of course though she wondered if Soundwave would have reacted the same.

"I think you'd make a decent parental one day, Jazz."

Megatron most certainly had something to say on that, leaning in closer

"And what of Soundwave, do you not think him one?"

Jazz gave Megatron a look as if to say

'Dude, she literally just opened up about something, and you're bringing that up right now?'

Optronix placed a hand on Jazz's shoulder to let him know it was fine, having a feeling about something. Sitting up she pulled Megatron closer, her fingers tracing along his jaw.

"Has Soundwave been listening?"

That was when the Decepticon leader looked a little sheepish and nodded.

"What did he say?"

"He wants to go on a one mech mission to find your parents and give them a lesson on how to actually be parents."

Megatron confessed, only to raise his brows at her soft laugh, optics closing as she leaned in and kissed him, lips parting and tasting her, even like this Orion could make him feel something primal, his fingers pressing into her arms, an urge to leave bruises, some small claim on her, only to hiss when she bit his bottom lip with a fang, hard enough that if they'd been in their real bodies energon would have trickled down from his bottom lip.

"There's an animal in you dear Orion, after hearing about your mermech form I'm curious to see what else is in there."

She gave him a look that expressed she'd been exploring her coding and had found other forms.

"Oh so you do know something , mind sharing something with me?"

All the while Jazz was playing with her hair, tracing small circles on her back, watching as the holo form shifted a little, showing that no doubt the plating on her actual body was reacting to the sensation, and well if she weren't shaking him off or telling him to stop he was happy to dote , happy to share.

"I think Soundwave will be pleased by one of them, considering one of his babies is feline in nature."

"Oh Ravage, yes he's talked about the time you cuddled up to him thinking he was a cute cat, he's actually the oldest....and an adult."

The way her mouth dropped open had Megatron burst out laughing, it wasn't at her, it was just the expression and realisation that she really didn't know, her cheeks flushed and she pushed him hard enough that he actually fell off the chair he was on but soon sat back beside her.

"That's not nice playing tricks on the Lady, old Megs."

Jazz huffed, pulling her closer to him protectively.

"It's alright Jazz, he's just a silly old mech , bastard knows he can get away with it."

"Yes I'm a silly old mech, but my age, facial structure and if I recall optics are part of my finest features to you."

She rolled her eyes at him and let a seductive smile slip back on her features.

"Make sure when you go back, to give Soundwave a kiss for me and that I think he's a far better parental than mine ever were."

"When I go back?"

She placed a hand on his lap and sent an electrical charge through it that would feed back hard enough to cause him to overload and the signal to cut off and make him wake up back on the Nemesis.

"Did you just-"

"Yes."

"Damn girl."

Jazz was in disbelief but certainly amused.

She placed her cigarette in his lips and kissed his forehead.

"Wait right here, I'll be right back, I see a shade I wanna put all over you and I hear earth girls don't like parting with their lipstick easily."

Jazz watched as she just waltzed off and started talking to some human beauty, blushing as she used her charm, he loved that she didn't change her voice just because she'd changed her physical form, it was a deep smooth luxurious tone and well spoken...because let's be honest David Kayes armada Megatron voice was certainly an intellectual charming one even if the character could be a dick xD....and there was this one time I was not prepared when he said 'naughty' and my friend straight up heard me malfunction as a human xD

It seemed a little money and one heavy make out session and a number written on the part of Optronix's exposed breast was enough to get the beautiful shimmering metallic red lipstick she wanted and came back by his side.

"I am never calling her, for all her looks she can't kiss for slag and if I'm having fun it must feel good for both of us."

Using her holo coding the number erased itself from her coded skin.

"Would you like to put some on to?"

Now Jazz was intrigued by that idea, trying out some of that lipstick stuff, sure why not, he nodded, holding out his hand , only for her to hold his jaw, her nails digging into his face, not painfully, just enough so that he was aware of them.

As he'd concluded earlier, she was a dangerous animal, and she was letting him pet her. Now, wasn't that exhilarating? He parted his lips and and watched her focus on him, applying the makeup to him, painting them perfectly.

"It looks beautiful on you, now do me."

"What right here?"

Optronix couldn't help but laugh, it was dirty and deep as she playfully punched his shoulder

"Someone's eager. I meant put the lipstick on...then we'll finish these drinks that Megatron so kindly bought us....and then..."

She looked up to the darker walk way above them.

"When the lights are dim, and the music playing, how do you feel taking a little risk up in the shadows?"

"But our clothes wouldn't, I mean, wouldn't they make it obvious and-"

"Jazz. These clothes aren't even real, how hard is it to just change the coding a little so you can secretly slip on into me?"

Jazz's cheeks were glowing brightly in response as he applied the lipstick to her.

"You really are dangerous aren't you, I gotta ask though, you okay with knowing Soundwave probably slept with a beast."

She grabbed his wrist, and he realised that might have been a mistake to comment on Soundwave

"Clearly someone hasn't heard of the Harkness test, does it have human intelligence or greater, Ravage, Laserbeak and Buzzsaw absolutely do. They simply communicate differently, and Soundwave speaks many dialects. So he was clearly able to communicate with their parents."

Jazz was finding her more and more intriguing by the moment.

"And what are the other requirements?"

"I already answered the can it talk with language, so the last would be is it of sexual maturity of its species, so are you going to tell me there's only one species of Cybertronian, our bodies are robots, we turn into cars and trucks and planes and hell even weapons, different languages and shapes does not make him into beast fucking, do not go around throwing accusations."

Jazz was silent, seeing the way she was so protective of Soundwave definitely meant he was a favourite of hers ...and she was right, he looked down and shifted awkwardly.

"You're right, I'm sorry, I shoulda thought more about it, pretty dumb of me to assume like that."

"Indeed, but I like someone who can admit when they were wrong."

She passed him two of the drinks before downing her own two shots.

"So, are you ready to risk being caught?"

Downing his own two he smiled, taking her hand, oh yes, yes he definitely was.

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[xixovart]

whats up guys its mali and im back with more pjo headcanons

because i literally nEVER shut up

nico di angelo is bae and i would die for him

ok i know his hair is described as like shoulder length (i think idk) but we HAVE to consider nico with unbelievably long gorgeous hair i beg

estelle’s brother. no questions asked. i feel like nico and estelle would be a power duo to rival annabeth and thalia yeah i said it. percy says estelle cant have candy at night? nico sneaks a tootsie roll in her pillow case. nico helps her with her homework. nico fights her bullies. nico’s relationship with estelle is what a 10 y/o nico’s relationship could’ve been with percy. ykwim?  wine aunts nico and reyna we have to consider this

ok as a sequel nico is really good with kids. idk why. no one knows why. kids love him.

will has the absolute WORST sense of style mankind has ever bore witness to and nico is an unintentional fashion icon. nico genuinely doesn't care that his bf looks like a bad teen beach movie adaptation though it's ok.

youre lying to yourself if you think nico di freaking angelo wouldnt love dinosaurs as a kid

this child was the bane of maria di angelo’s existence. i swear. imagine maria fighting for her LIFE trying to give 3 year old nico a bath just for nico to IMMEDIATELY run outside and fall face first in the mud. imagine nico stealing money from maria and accidentally giving the gelato man a hundred bucks, maria being none the wiser. if you've ever watched full house toddler nico is very michelle coded.

i know its canon that he likes marvel (thx will kayla and austin) but i think he would REALLY love batman. i mean c'mon, it's nico. it's batman. they're soulmates. 

percy going into the redesigned cabin 13 for the first time have we considered his reaction?? “dang btch you live like this???” “what were you expecting” “idk weapons everywhere rock walls a waterfall for a door ig i was just picturing the batcave 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️”

I JUST REMEMBERED THAT NICO GOES TO PERSEPHONE’S GARDEN AND THAT ITS ONE OF HIS FAVORITE PLACES AND LIFE IS GOOD AGAIN.

nico is the modt sarcastic little gremlin to his dad (and everyone, but his dad especially). are uou seriously telling me he wouldn't annoy hades on purpose. let's be real here guys. nico prank calling his dad is the reason im alive. 

“is your… refrigerator running?”

“nico do not fucking start with me i have a headache”

“oh yeah i'm listening to really cool rock metal cool music rn totally” (old italian music blasting from his headphones)

this kid has a guy for EVERY occasion. imagine rhe weirdest situation you could possibly be in, nico knows a guy. “ok where are we gonna find a tap dancing elephant??” “i know a guy”

when he eats ambrosia it tastes like the blue birthday cake he shared with percy im not ok

“so we’re all 16 and none of us knows how to drive??” “i can get us there” “nico you’re like 13 years old.” “and european?? hand me the keys”

ok so you can expect he has unbelievably beautiful penmanship because he was raised in 1930’s italy and you are so right. looking at his writing is like a blessing 

im listening to a pearl by mitski rn and it reminds me of him im so sad

side note i think he would really like mitski

he seems like he would be afraid of clowns. don't ask about my thought process for this i just feel it ykwim

nico would get his shit ROCKED by a nerf gun

“wHY IS THE MICROWAVE SCREAMING AT ME” “nico that just means your food is done.”

i will NEVER shut up about nico di angelo’s accent. rolled r’s, hard i’s, speaking unbelievably fast and tripping over his words. italian!! “oh but mali, in house of hades the seven were surprised to learn nico was italian.'' first of all i love the seven but its rlly dumb of them not to notice nico was italian when his last name is DI ANGELO. second. a certain 11 year old nico trained himself out of his accent as a method for escapism, he wanted to flee his past and his family and his descent, and he wanted to fit in. of course he would hide his accent. his time at camp half blood (and ofc his quest with reyna, and jason’s acceptance of him) helped him start to embrace his heritage and past. when he started dating will, he ofc began to trust will more than anybody else. every so often, nico would let his guard down and let his accent slip. eventually, he started using it freely around everybody. i see this hc as a part of his growth and character development and even if it’s a small detail it means a lot to me.

he takes his curly hair routine VERY seriously

bushy eyebrows idk where this came fr9m just bear with me

nico uses disassociation as a coping mechanism a LOT. he’ll zone out at random for hours at a time and chb has a very strict rule about not bothering campers with ptsd when they’re disassociated unless necessary, so he’ll just sit at the dinner table for ages and when he comes back to reality it’s been like 3 hours. 

 “you came out of the blue like that. i never could've seen you coming, i think you're everything i wanted.” by gracie abrams except it’s nico realizing he likes will 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️