#* he loves them all back but also . . . mental illness got him sooo good

[eatend]

i wonder if any of those people that ended up loving and trusting laios wake up sweating at night when they remember some freak shit he said.

[azems-familiar]

Ok but then you obv have to do Cal, so…

My first impression

honestly i don't really remember my first impression at this point. i played jfo back when it came out, i got it as a christmas gift, and most of what i remember from back then was being annoyed we couldn't choose to join Trilla and thinking i'd be way more invested in Cal if he was a woman. the curse of lesbianism i guess /shrug

My impression now

baby boy. baby. give any Jedi a corruption arc and mental illness and i will be on top of that shit like a fly. i spend way too much time thinking about him. and writing about him. he's kind of murderous and deeply flawed and i love him so much actually

Favorite thing about that character

hmm. his determination, i think. it's definitely a double-edged sword, which is most of what Survivor was about, but even when he's almost completely lost hope he keeps going forward and doesn't let go anyway. that's not exactly always a healthy quality - i've struggled with it before myself and can confirm - but it makes him a really interesting character, and very fun to put into Situations:tm:

Least favorite thing

hm. not sure i have a least favorite thing? characters have flaws, that's what makes them good, and to take them away would be to minimize the character. i could sure have some Least Favorite Fandom Takes, but i won't go into that here, lol. and i think you know those already

Favorite line/scene

oh this is a hard one. probably my favorite bit from him in JFO is when he faces Ninth Sister on Kashyyyk - the evolution from "trash, just approved trash" to "how about a Jedi?" is really good for him starting to come into his own, and let's be real, that whole sequence is very badass. (my favorite scene in JFO doesn't really involve Cal at all, though, honestly.) for survivor.... it's harder. probably the scene where Cal confronts Denvik for the first time on Nova Garon, because it was sooo fun watching him succumb to his rage and be an absolutely cold-hearted bastard when he yanked Denvik's blaster away. also Denvik's a bitch and i was cheering.

Favorite interaction that character has with another

i really love, honestly, his whole interaction with Rayvis on the Shattered Moon when we do that boss fight and kill Rayvis in Survivor - Rayvis has some great lines and is a fascinating character and overall it's a really great way of showcasing Cal's slide down, especially the bit where he talks to BD on the way back from it, asking how he's actually any different from Dagan. really good stuff. i also love....honestly all of his interactions with Cere in JFO

A character that I wish that character would interact with more

the low-hanging fruit is Bode tbh because i just wanted to spend more time with Bode casually, outside big plot events, but honestly? i wanted to see more of him with Cere and especially Cordova in Survivor. i know Cal wasn't really in a great place to be getting mentorship from them, but it would've made Cordova's death hit harder, and i just love Cal and Cere's relationship, so of course i want to see more one-on-one scenes with them.

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

....one of my OCs from a different era of star wars, honestly. uhhh, totally different fandom, let's see... okay i wouldn't entirely say reminds me of but when i made the playlist for him and Bode i pulled a bunch of songs off my Revan playlist and my Wei Wuxian playlist, so i think. thematic similarities between both.

A headcanon about that character

i think i've probably talked about all of my headcanons for this man already, especially in my fics, but the low-hanging fruit is that he feels like fire. and the chronic pain headcanons - beyond general joint problems i have him have gone through a really bad accident on Bracca when he was 14, where he saved Prauf's life but in doing so his right ankle was shattered in multiple places and broke the skin. because he couldn't afford to get medical care, he had to splint it and wrap it on his own and then just let it heal, which means his ankle is alllll fucked up. the game, ironically, supports this headcanon, by making one of his idle animations rolling out that ankle. no i did not remember that when i gave him the injury.

A song that reminds of that character

i have an entire long spyscrapper playlist with some great songs on it but here's one of my favorites:

(if you want the playlist link itself, just send me an ask, people-who-aren't-senket, i'm happy to share it!)

An unpopular opinion about that character

hmmm. i don't like merrical and don't think they work well together romantically? that's not really about Cal though, let me see. OH! he was not ready to be knighted when he was in jfo; Cere absolutely shouldn't have done it, and didn't really have the right or authority to do it, and it's harmed him. i also don't think he actually should've gotten a kyber crystal on Ilum - the way it was portrayed in the game, he didn't have to go through an actual trial to get it, he didn't overcome his fear of failure or his survivor's guilt or any of that, he wasn't ready and it shouldn't have happened.

narratively, for the game's story as a video game, i understand why both scenes happened, and i actually like them and i think it's fun to explore the ramifications, especially of the premature knighting, but yeah. that's how i feel

Favorite picture

i like this edit i made a lot because he looks like Anakin and it felt, uh, appropriate hahaha

[gardenofshadcws]

Dracula Daily Day 84

Dr. Seward’s Diary

Jack stop blowing off Renfield just because he’s sick

Yes, bring Van Helsing, he has such a good track record around the Other

But Arthur and Quincey can come, they’re angels and we are privileged to have them here

Lookit Renfield being all polite, surely nothing could go wrong if he was discharged

I do wish Jack would stop writing him off as a lunatic

Renfield is such a sweet bean

Jack why are you always so staggered that a mentally ill person could be eloquent.

I have to admit, the insistence on haste is a wee bit suspicious

Oh come on, Van Helsing, really with the reverse psychology?

Renfield just wants to get away from Dracula, isn’t that what we all want?

“A sane man fighting for his soul” BABY.

Jonathan Harker’s Journal

“I am so glad that she consented to hold back and let us men do the work” ick

YES THANK YOU QUINCEY SOMEBODY’S ON RENFIELD’S SIDE

Sooo… let me get this straight Jack.  You pretty much know he’s begging to be freed of Dracula’s control, but he’s too useful to your investigation to get him to safety?

HE DOESN'T WANT TO HELP HIM.

Time to get suited up for some vampire hunting!

On top of all the other Horrors Dracula is also stinky.  And that’s terrible.

The tension and fear in this scene is wonderful.  Bramothy’s got _me_ jumping at shadows.

PUBBIES

These terriers are the real heroes of this story

Renfield’s still crying ughghghg this poor thing

“It is too great a strain for a woman to bear” Can we not

Johnathan is eepy

Oh nooo something’s wrong with Mina D:

Dr. Seward’s Diary

Van Helsing please stop making things worse for Renfield, talking to him about eating lives is only going to make things worse

Funny how Renfield’s a lot less willing to talk to people who treat him like a lunatic than with Mina and Quincey who treated him like a person.  Truly that must be a sign of mental illness and not… you know.  A reasonable reaction to people dehumanizing him.

Mina Harker’s Journal

It is strange that they’re keeping you in the dark, you’re the most competent person here

Don’t blame yourself Mina!!

DRACULA LEAVE HER ALOOONE.

Renfield begging for his friend Mina’s life is gut-wrenching

Jonathan Harker’s Journal

Come on Thomas this is not the time to get drunk

At least someone can tell us where the boxes are.

TALK TO YOUR WIFE.

Dr. Seward’s Diary

Hmm, Jack, if Renfield is concerned about something other than himself, perhaps you should ask him face to face like a normal person what he’s scared of.

Nah.  Better to talk to him about his interest in flies like you’re indulging a particularly stupid child, that will help everything.

I just love Renfield, man.  Dude’s a walking tragedy.

Friends as the means of life is actually a lovely sentiment out of context

Renfield speaks freely around everyone but you what are you talking about

Pls stop infantilizing him

Wait are we just now figuring out that the Count has gotten to him?

Letter, Mitchell, Sons and Candy to Lord Godalming.

“Count de Ville” very subtle.  I’m sure no one will figure out who you really are.

[cathalbravecog]

Do you have cathal hcs you'd like to share i am starving for anything cathal related help me

he's like an addiction to my brain, it always wants MORE

MUEUEHAHAHAHA I YOUR LOCAL CATHAL CREAUTRE 'ČISLO JEDNA' (NUMBER ONE). SHALL PROVIDE. NOW, THE THING IS, I THINK I'VE SHARED MOST OF THE THINGS I THINK HERE ALREADY....I PREFER OBSERVING AND LETTING THINGS DEVELOP AS THEY GO. THAT'S MY WEIRD THING WITH CERTAIN BLORBOS I DON'T ALWAYS ACTIVELY MAKE STUFF FOR THEM EVEN IF IM SO SOSOOSOSOS MENTALLY ILL FOR THEM. NOW. SILLY GOOGFY OVER FOR NOW. THIS IS VERY LONG. UNDER DA CUT.....................

However. That one comic writing thing I wanna make... I guess it's a mix of some HCs and observations? I'll talk about it here, without spoiling everything, but giving out he basics!! i can write properly i swear but since im infodumping im gonna be going from writing styles in and out wackily to get my thoughts out LOL It takes place when Cathal first got hired at Cogs INC - (All narrated by himself, by the way ) and what his expectations and thoughts were. What he knew and what he didn't - since Allan would share some things with him, obviously. Even way before Cathal got hired... And eventually it got to Cathal seeing Allan fall off the tower for the first time.

He doesn't think much of it now, just shrugging it off. Perhaps mild annoyance... It's just not worth the time. It's pointless... As he says himself, he finds the Toons VS Cogs thing pointless. And... he isn't too worried, since Allan always gets repaired in the end. Sometimes it's more severe repairs than other days, but, the point stands... No matter what he always gets repaired, and Allan himself also sounds more annoyed about this than anything as well

But this wasn't always the case!

Despite being, well... Really lazy - Cathal is very caring and kind. He cares about the people around him - he politely asks if everyone's had a good lunch, and he heals them. Hell, he can even be slightly scary with this with his "You should've hit someone else that time" line. Like - he does not exactly want to pack a punch, he just sorta has to since the Toons are there... But he's capable!! Even if he doesn't see them as friends, just co-workers, he's very willing to stand up for them if they get hurt...

It's the one thing that does give him the motivation which he usually lacks... He usually just doesn't want to care because it takes too much effort, y'know? But it doesn't make him incapable of things...

So, with him established as caring for other's (that he cares about) wellbeings... Imagine the shock seeing your own dad fall off a tower, with a loud earth-quake like crash... he hasn't been joking or lying after all with all his tales of Toons pushing him off the tower. Cathal never cared for this story... Just ignored it or blocked it out of his mind as Allan's constant stories (Because come on this guy definitely loves talking about things that happened while at work or what he did with The Boys :tm: when he's with Cathal. And wise-versa. He was sooo excited to show Cathal off to the other bosses in A Meeting Of Two Minds)

But like... Those weren't like. Just some stories. Allan was always annoyed about them, but in a "Gah, those darn Toons!" kind of way. (Maybe with an occasional ramble about how that day repairs were more expensive, perhaps, as more damage was caused. Looking at you High Roller ARG. Also makes me wonder just how much money from Cogs INC does go into his repairs... But I suppose insurances for Cogs are canon, and also Sellbots are known to cut corners to save cash, so that extra stuff maybe goes to him....) But, back on track now - It's been happening for YEARS. If we go with how long Toontown has been around - it's been happening for DECADES. You start sounding a bit less serious about it...

Like... Cathal was just shocked. What was he supposed to do?! That's his dad for fuck's sake!!! He may appear unenthusiastic and bored but... It's clear these two care for each other, even if Cathal does not let it be known (With Allan being the exact opposite and he's maybe Too Vocal About It. Me too buddy, me too)

Cathal has lived a life in comfort, basically spoiled by Allan. With love, material things, him letting things be easier for Cathal... He didn't have to worry about a thing. If anything, he probably only ever struggles with his own mind - considering I do headcanon him to have some struggles with motivation and doing things and that he has Cog ADHD. Yes it's projecting. I also sit around lazily for hours but because I can't start anything no matter how much I want. Even if it's a fun activity like... Turning on a video to watch. Drawing. Hopping onto a game. Or literally just getting UP.

He's learned to just... Work with those issues. And, unlike me, he doesn't have things like school and such to worry about, so the big stress factor is gone... So even if he does struggle sometimes and does need motivators, most of the time it's impossible to tell from him just.. Struggling and him being cozy and genuinely lazy... But since he struggles less more often than not it is just laziness and "that's just hard to do" and not a mental block...

Only ever living a life in comfort-like this - Makes you worry ten times as hard when the stressful times do come. He's not equipped to handle this...

In the comic he in panic flew over to check on Allan - who in fact has fallen over and had a bunch of Cogs helping him get back up, and beginning preparations to get him fixed ASAP. It was so organized, everyone knew each other there... This basically happens all the time. They've got to be.

Allan is... Shocked, but very happy to see Cathal there. He is so very proud of his boy being there... That he cares so much about his father to go see him. Cathal does not show affection a lot - but this is the way he did. Allan knows he doesn't show it a lot, which made it ten times more special. Others who knew about Cathal through Allan were shocked, too... Cathal. The Multislacker. Stays in his video room all day, watching the cameras... He... Should be working, but that's aside the point. Despite what Allan says we all know he's a lazy slacker... He doesn't care about others. Does he?

Well... he's here, alright. Worried for his dad, who is hushing him nonchalantly, saying how this happens often. "The boys are gonna get me right back up again soon as always, son!" And how he can get right back to work soon... (And of course, some curses against the Toons.)

Cathal is just... Baffled meanwhile. He's saying the same things he always does!! Isn't he one bit worried...? Well... Like everything else, he has to let it go... And just not worry about it. Allan doesn't, so why should he...? It doesn't stop him being worried a bit longer at the time AND the next few times this happens... At that point he just knows what happens like it's rinse and repeat, like any other day

But the first time was just... Scary. Even if he most likely was caring before (again, mostly outta just... understanding. yknow? man. just wanna chill... he gets it.) - he just... Never showed it much. But after? He began appreciating others around him more. He knows Cogs always get repaired despite... Uh. (Looks at Atticus) THAT ONE TIME, so there isn't really a feel of "time is limited" feeling there... But you still don't want to see people hurt. You want to appreciate their presence. Even if they aren't friends, y'know?

He doesn't see the reason for violence, really. Okay sure, he definitely likes playful banter and messing around - but I mean like... Genuine things, y'know? I mean, as a Cog he's on the side of the Cogs, he doesn't see the motivation the Toons have, or the goal (to have to fight Allan REPEATEDLY. I mean, as an in-game thing it's for unites, but it's canon he gets fought repeatedly regardless, yknow?)

He doesn't get the scope of why Toons fight back exactly, that it's pointless. Because he doesn't have the perspective they have... He is annoyed with them, yes, they burst into his room uninvited and then demand to fight him... And they hurt his co-workers and his dad. But getting too mad is just... Man! Not worth it. Too energy consuming. Not worth getting worked up over...

But even with that he wishes that this didn't have to happen, y'know? he doesn't see the point. And if nobody fights anyone - nobody is gonna bother him and his shows either...

i think i juiced out all my thoughts bc i guess the other stuff would be more cogs only or like personal interactions i imagine between frost and him and perhaps the others... i already established the gamer thing and that he messes around with pace in that regard. one of his motivations is to just be playful like that. maybe pace and him are NOT friends and they demotivate each other in work ways. but i just love the dynamic of not friends. not enemies. just tom and jerry online gaming mischief stuff. and like. gamer graham is really funny to me since hes the sport guy. but also hes jerma to me. you get me . righht. right. i love going from serious headcanon stuff to HEE HEE SILLY. but thats just who i am. thats what you get. (cannot even get too serious about graham hes just too goofy to me) (also has written gut wrenching angst about a guy named spamton g spamton) (is really normal)

anyways. thank you villain w.hos actually a really loving dad trope for being there for me. i have issues. allan plearse adopt m.e

I LAOVEE CARTHAL RA TOBRE BRAVECOOGGGGGGG. i hope any of this makes sense. its not even a headcanon its just a mess of things. but you asked for tism so you get it. this is the best i got after this i have nothing to talk about other than gushing about cathal's design and "oeoutht h the he oh he" and repeat the same points about why hes so nice and swag and cool. but. you get me right. You Get Me

[moon7jay]

youdidsomanythingstogetmehookedtoyourworks. okay soo lemme type properly now. ehem. serious talk. jkjk. LEMME JUST SAY CHERRY WAS OMG EVERYTHING I COULD ASK FOR. THE WAY YOU DID EVERYTHING IS LIKE A PUZZLE THAT FITS SO GOOD. AND LIKE THE OC? she was so relatable esp the part where she longs to feel wanted. thats sooo me and yeah high five oc, we both choose the same seat in the cafeteria with the same dressing style, the same book choice and THE SAME LOVE WE HAVE FOR HEESEUNG. idk why but i just have this attraction to yandere (might be cuz of lonliness that ykyk i developed thses stuff. im so weird loll and so awkward) heeseung was portrayed so nicely and omg cant wait for the sequel. AND JIHOON THAT CUTIE POOKIE WOOKIE BEAR? OMG PLS LEMME HAVE HIM TOOO. ILL TAKE HIM TO PLAYGROUDS ALL THE TIME AND ICECREAM AND CUDDLES AND GUMMIE AND SWEETS AND LECTURES TO TAKE CARE OF HIS HEALTH AND ILL SKIP UNI FOR HIM AND WELL STAY AT HOME TGT WITH SUZY. jay part. (gets into real serious mood) JAY THAT MF, i knew he was up to no good. when he spit those bitter words out, dread filled my whole body. i was like "not agian nooooo oc got hurt too many times" and i shut my laptop took a walk and yeah THAT JAY. I WAS MAD AT HIM FOR THE WHOLE DAY. THAT MAN. HOW DARE HE. that feeling of getting humiliated is so familiar to me and i felt soososososooso worked up. and the body insecurites, i relate to them a lot. i have lots of stretch marks too and i learned to love myself cuz no ones does so might as well be the one for myself. THANKTOU HEESEUNG FOR TAKING OC TO UR VEDI LOVELY HOUSE AND BEATING UP HER DAD AND FOR RIPPING JAY'S FACE. AND FOR OFFERING TO TAKE CARE OF HER. I NEED A HEE TOOOOOOO I'VE GOT NO ONE. I NEED A HEE TO THROW PAPER BALLS AT ME FROM THE SEAT BEHIND ME TO ASK IF I PREFR LILIES OR ROSES OR IF I SLEEP ON MY BACK OR SIDES OR WHAT MY PLANS ARE AND I NEED HIM TO DRAG ME INTO CLOSESTSS. cherry and hyungline reaction on s/o havign ed are my fav stuff.THANKOUY THANKYOU THANKYOU FOR CREATING ALL THIS LOVELY WORKS AND I LOVE YOU SM AND YOUR WORKS TOO. omg. im so sorry for the grammer spelling anf the yapping. btw can i still be the lovely anon??? (want to be the lovely one for you since ykyk im so not lovely for anyone) - XYNIA'S LOVELY ANON

Okay first of all. Thank you for taking your time and typing this long feedback, I don't think you understand how much this means to me. I always come back and reread these sweet messages everytime I feel low, so really, thank you 🫶🫶

Also you're not weird bb, it's okay to be mentally fucked up it's not your fault🫂. Also yes, jihoon, I love him so much ajshsjshj, I understand why you want to adopt him😭. I do hope you find your own heeseung in time my love, you're not alone and there are more people like you than you think, so keep going , you're doing so well for yourself 🤍

Thank you for loving my works, it's sad that you relate to those two works specifically so sending hugs to you 🫂. and yes you can be my lovely anon, you don't need anyone else I got you bb🤍

[hi-i-vent-here]

Today we will talk about me and school. Tw: self harm. Tw: Vent and abuse.

I hated school, I could do the subjects at the time but no one knew how to actually teach me. I could do the exams and get enough to pass, but it was hell.

One of my happiest memories is me skipping class to go to my abuser's house when he wasn't there, eating popcorn and watching south park, and coming back to my house while it was raining. I would do anything to not be in school, but funny enough I was known for being smart (and also insane). Yes, some part of me takes pride in that even if I dropped out.

I was known for being unstable because of how I spoke, for being short tempered, physically fighting my peers, and for self-harming.

Some weird part of me also takes pride in physically fighting my peers at a young age, because in my ill head this is a good thing and I was protecting myself (they were kids like I was), but I consciously know it wasn't a good thing that I was beating other kids until they cried, still. (A very odd episode that I clearly remember was me threatening a girl with a razor because she said something about my hair. I was 12)

About how I spoke, I sometimes say things that don't connect, so I might sound like I'm saying gibberish but in my head they make sense, sometimes it was funny, sometimes it wasn't.

My short temper was difficult, I would constantly fight people, it didn't matter if they were teachers, I would throw things, fight and get mad at them for no reason.

My mother would have to go to school because of the fights I would get into. But this was when I was like 8 years old, when I got older she didn't cared that much anymore. She would only get called in my school if I was self-harming in class or skipping too much, and the "warnings" that I got, I would just sign her name. /my abuser found that out and it was fucking hell, like it always was with him./

I was really into theater and ballet as a child, but I abandoned it.

I grew isolated of almost all my peers, for obvious reasons. I wasn't bullied, like BULLIED, I knew how to fight back, I was just isolated from everyone. It's funny how relatives told me that I was so happy and talkative as a child but I grew quiet and isolated, I wonder what happended...

This is elementary/middle school, highschool was a whole different can of worms.

I already mentioned it but I didn't mentioned how my abuser would put so much pressure, so much pressure, I was having panic attacks thinking about the future (15 years old) I had an awful mental breakdown in front of him because I couldn't hold it until I was alone. HE would do this to me, he would constantly mess with my head and when I had breakdowns he would pretend like he didn't mean it or he didn't said nothing. ( I remember a specific case of one of his girlfriends seeing me having an crisis while they fought and saying "Do you want me to end up like THAT? Do you think this is normal? Look what you did to your child!". I believed I was going to die, I even said goodbye to people and said that I loved them in case something happended to me. I was 15 years old, I was 15, I was 15. This wasn't even close to the worst things he did.)

The time I dropped out, was almost the same time I cut ties with him at 16(which also I have a lot to unpack about this). He manipulated me into going to that school, he knew I couldn't do it, everyone knew. I stopped going slowly and I became homeschooled/would study at the library. I studied my HEART out, I studied sooooo hard sooo sooo fucking hard, like I had never studied before, and no one was forcing me to do so. I studied because I wanted, because I want to get my GED. At this time I even learned french, read books, studied, (learned chess to impress my mother) watched a billion of lessons used a billion of books from the library, then I burnt out. At the time I wanted to study abroad. I'm poor, that is impossible for people like me.

I stopped studying all togheter after march of this year. Btw all this time I was studying and I would tell my mother everything I studied and she didn't gave a fuck, she never gives a fuck. I was never enough. I left school because I wasn't learning, they didn't knew how to teach me. I taught myself but I always would be a disappointment. I'm simplifying things but I would be everyday fighting people in my house because I dropped out.

That's enough for today.

[honeybeekao]

top 10 enstars

im gonna take this as meaning characters just know im giggling at this

1. rei - who's surprised? no one. his aura is alluring if youre not ritsu so i think im justified. also im mentally ill and he's mentally ill and ive decided we're mentally ill together. vampires with back pain and gay tendencies unite. he's such a kind creature there's so much love in his heart, and i wanna hug him!! i think people should pull him out of his coffin more, if only to make sure he's alright because god can he isolate. if you get me started on how rei feels about himself i'll start sobbing, he doesnt feel human due to being placed on the highest pedestal and othered his entire childhood and i just want him to feel worthy of love. also need him to recognize the love HE feels is real and not evil and he's not evil and OUGDHDHZJ rei's so sweet he's my favorite weirdo, i love him

2. oh god okay Madara - i actually cant pick between him and kaoru sometimes so these two are interchangeable. i think madara's like the most interesting character ever, theres something wrong with him BUT it isnt in the way that /he/ thinks. he isnt a monster and i think he deserves to be held gently. also he needs to wear a wedding dress and more flowy sleeves in my opinion he's sooo pretty he's beautiful he's gorgeous. his whole outlook on religion being disdain and sorrow is understandable, i think the conversation with kanata where kanata says "you cant say such things, you need to respect it even if it isnt real. because it's real to them" - i think it's a little profound. he doesnt wanna respect something predatory and dangerous and life threatening, not to mention the worst thing of all, it hurt KANATA. which madara will never forgivw or respect. fuck you fish cult

3. kaoruuuuuu - i adore kaoru my aro babygirl my lovely poor sad little man, do you think if someone asked to take a selfie with him he'd get flustered? i think so. actually just boosting his ego would be fun because you know he's so pathetic IM NORMAL ABOUT KAORU I SWEAR okay Okay i think he's really sweet and deserves the world. he's oblivious and that's okay. also i need him to fix izumi for me because im not doing that (yes i am but dont tell him or izumi) date plan is like my favorite story, i love his conversation with rei soooo much. he's a little gay. (he's very gay) kaoru doesnt understand girls he should talk to arashi. also transfem kaoru fandom where are youu

4. chiaki - sweetie lovely "only enstars character with morals" my wonderful little hero boy, i dont think i need any justification if you dont like chiaki i don't trust you /j. he makes me feel so many emotions, i think everything he's done is so impressive because at a point he was Terrified that he couldn't do anything that he reeeaaally wanted to do. but he got there, eventually. scrimbly of a guy, he's so silly i totally believe he ends up in the hospital every month and kanata scolds him for it . and kaoru tsks at him for it and they both love him this is what i'm saying. ryuseitai as a unit are here too because i adore them all with my entire heart

5. rinne - never thought he'd be here but i'm also glad he is despite his attitude flaws. he's a bitch and i love him!! he's fucking ridiculous sometimes like i love that it's canon he's pretended to be walking a runway because of his FS outfit. also his ways of getting things to work, while insane and good god why would you do that, it makes him so interesting. i cant believe this man exists in the enstars universe he's like an anomaly to me (oh did i mention he also has the "im not human" issue? all of my blorbos are ill) he's pretty. dont tell him that. or do, see what happens he probably needs to hear it. he feels he's disappointed hiiro already and so he avoids him which also makes me unbelievably sad. please hug your little brother he misses you. i promise you didn't disappoint anyone!!!

6. izumi - i joke that he's my problematic fav but i think what happened here is he has the perfectionism illness that leads to self destruction and mean approach to loving others. and i understand this on a level due to people in my life, i think he deserves a caring hand and should also get shoved a couple times. like once a year. i got obsessed with ironic blue and i Never went back im not sorry. ALSO HE'S SO EASY TO BOTHER i think kaoru should challenge him to more shit it's incredibly entertaining, those two <3 there's something wrong with him and He knows it and Everyone knows it, No One here is acknowledging it though!

7. kohaku - I LOVE KOHAKU he's so funny he's like an oddball but isnt an oddball and it's because he fucking grew up on the internet! i love that he treats his 2 units like a day and night job umm DOES HE EVER SLEEP? dear enstars dear cospro, he's 15 that isn't healthy. he makes me sad because he's still a kid and will continue to sorta be a kid because of growing up in such a Way. being locked away by your assassin family cannot do anything good for your mental health. i'm glad he has companions though, and i'm sure he at least has fun in idol stuff. how the fuck does he deal with rinne AND madara daily? i think i'd die. dealing with them in my head is already a nightmare sometimes /affection

8. keito - picking these is not difficult actually im having fun. KEITO HASUMI'S MY POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOW dear god i look at him in any given moment and go Awwwww........ 😰 i love him so much. how can you be so stuck up yet So prone to causing problems. it's so fucking funny he's a little embarrassing and i think is very easy to mess with. madara says he's taking kuro away to be a solo unit and keito flips his shit he feels SO betrayed, this poor guy. i would say he's gullible, but that one's more on the sense of He doesnt trust madara at all and can totally envision that being the truth, hey madara at least one person thinks youre capable!! <3 keito's so normal and so very unhinged all at once, i love his glasses and his intertwining story with eichi and rei, i love his unit. akatsuki my beloveds i really like all 3 of them dearly

9. ritsu - oh ritsu dear ritsu you make me so sad i dont know what to do with myself. he can't stand change because it feels like loss to him, cough cough thisll happen when your brother is gone cough, but his home in knights is everything. he's sooo smart and i love when he's content and happy. just chilling out, he deserves it and i think him sharing that with others is really sweet. i think ritsu should take more shared naps with people, all of knights should nap more!! especially tsukasa. him and mao are insane to me i havent looked into them too much so you arent getting analysis, but mao's very obviously important to him

10. natsume - i love this witch boy with all my heart, probably just as much as i love the transmasc hc for him. i think he's a fucking genius, i think he's gonna dominate the world with his powers, i think he's insane but he's too little to be scary. also war era makes me Cry, the other oddballs were protecting him from as much of the evil as possible, sobs weeps hits the pavement. switch are very important to me.. i Love natsume's design they outdid themselves when creating him, coolest hair Ever..i think he should've had fangs though. Give natsume fangs and a trans flag thank u

honorable mentions!!

kanata, arashi, niki, mayoi, hinata, souma, hokke, shinobu

[remmammie]

Hey! I recently got back into Tumblr and I'm so glad I found your content. I'm enjoying it sooo much!

I would like to make a request if that's okay! Is there anyway you can do one of sora x reader (fem or gn) meeting for the first time? Like a love at first site? And one of Riku or Roxas too??? If not it's okay. ❤️❤️❤️

I'm so glad you've enjoyed my content thus far! But I'm also sorry I've left your lovely request for so long!! Despite it being my summer break off of college, I've been super busy, especially now I have a real job!

I apologise that I couldn't think of anything for Roxas, but I had lots of inspiration for Sora and Riku! I’ll definitely fill another request for Roxas, I just felt his would be too similar to the others’. I hope you enjoy it and sorry again for leaving it so long!

Love at First Sight - Sora + Riku (seperate) x Reader HCs

Sora

Sora’s already a very friendly person so, upon meeting someone new and discovering they have a mutual interest in talking and getting to know one another, Sora is already very enthusiastic. He holds his friends very close to his heart and, of course, this mean he already treasures your friendliness at first sight.

However, something strikes Sora as different. He can already grasp the fact that, yes, you are very attractive to him, but moving beyond and understanding the difference between aesthetic attraction and romantic attraction is a barrier for Sora.

This is a very different feeling from when he, say, met Kairi for the first time when she arrived on Destiny Islands. In some ways it was similar: Kairi is was (and still is) a very pretty young lady; he had that feeling of brief anxiety when meeting a new person, assessing whether she intended to bring him any harm or if she was friendly; and the excitement of discovering how interesting her personality was. He went through all of these stages with you too but something was definitely different.

And, in the limited time you’ve known each other, Sora wracks his brain for reasons why you are so “unusual.” Conversations he’s had with people spring into his mind, little talks he’s had with the Princesses of Heart about their princes. Of course, that glorious word crops up a lot too: “love.”

Trying to apply it to a concept he already knows, Sora checks off all of the symptoms like this “love at first sight” phenomenon is akin to an illness: the racing heart, the urge to keep them close, the need to protect them, the pure adoration...the list continues.

Ultimately, all this thinking happens in the silent span of a few seconds and you have to wave Sora out of his little trance. He’s startled, apologising and bright red, not quite sure if he should express how he feels straight away. Give him a bit of time and some special moments together and he’ll wrack up the courage to say those beautiful three words.

Riku

Unlike Sora, Riku doesn’t view the world with the same rose-tinted glasses and, upon meeting a new person, he’s a lot more defensive and secretive. Trusting people always have good intentions has gotten him and his friends into a plethora of dangerous situations and he’d rather not repeat all that.

Still, you get him to crack a smile quicker than anyone else he knows despite his initial attitude and this is extremely confusing for Riku. He knows there’s really no harm in laughing at a stranger’s joke (no matter how terrible it was,) but Riku sees it as a window of vulnerability and is quick to freeze up again.

Thus, your initial meeting with Riku turns into a back and forth of breaking down a brick wall only for him to build it back up again. It’s easy for you to see that this poor boy clearly hasn’t had a great past with trusting strangers so you might decide to take a different approach.

Tell him about yourself, your own struggles with untrustworthy people and with the powers of darkness - Riku will find it a lot easier to trust people he knows has been through the same experiences as him.

And, with his mental barrier separating the both of you finally gone, Riku recognises the feeling hitting him as love. Again, this infatuations scares him, but you’ve lovingly opened your heart to him, so he figures he should do the same.

He doesn’t bare all of his feelings for you straight away, but makes sure that you know how much he admires and trusts you the first time you meet so that, when you next meet, maybe he can tell you how deeply those feelings truly run.

[sk1fanfiction]

the many faces of tom riddle, part 4

-attachment, orphanages, and yet more child psych: time to add yet another voice to the void-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION.

I'm going to be super biased, because my favorite portrayal of Tom Riddle is actually Hero Fiennes-Tiffin as eleven-year-old Tom Riddle, in HBP and I get to chat about child psych in this one, sooo here we go.

First of all, I’m just so impressed that a kid could bring that much depth to such a complex character.

This is the portrayal, I feel, that brings us closest to Tom’s character. Yes, Coulson’s brought us pretty close, but by fifth year, the mask was on.

We don't really get to see Tom looking afraid very often, but it's fear that rules his life, so it's really poignant in our first (chronologically) introduction, he looks absolutely terrified.

The void being the fandom's loud opinions on a certain headmaster. I wouldn't call myself pro-Dumbledore, but I'm certainly not anti-Dumbledore, either. (Agnostic-Dumbledore??)

Since I'm not of the anti-Dumbledore persuasion, I decided to poke around in the tags and see what the arguments were, so I don't make comments out of ignorance.

Most of the tag seems to be more directed towards his treatment of Harry and Sirius, but a few people mentioned that Dumbledore should have treated Tom with ‘exceptional kindness’ and tried to ‘rehabilitate’ him.

As I said in Parts 2 and 3, I am 100% in favor of helping a traumatized kid learn to cope, and I don’t think Tom Riddle was solidly on the Path to Evil (TM) at birth, or even at eleven. Not even at fifteen.

Could unconditional love and kindness have helped Tom Riddle enough for the rise of Lord Voldemort to never happen? Possibly, but...

Yes, I'm about to drag up that Carl Jung quote, again.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

The problem with this is that if you’re going to blame Dumbledore for this, you also have to blame every other adult in Tom’s life: his headmaster, Dippet, his Head of House, Slughorn, his ‘caretakers’ at the orphanage, Mrs. Cole and Martha, and possibly more. In fact, if we're going to blame any adult, let's blame Merope for r*ping and abusing Tom Riddle Senior, and having a kid she wasn't intending to take care of.

Furthermore, you cannot possibly hold anyone but Tom accountable for the murders he committed. (I should not have to sit here and explain why cold-blooded murder is wrong.) And if you like Tom Riddle's character, insinuating that his actions are completely at the whim of others is just a bit condescending towards him. He's not an automaton or a marionette, he's a very intelligent human being with a functioning brain, and at sixteen is fully capable of moral reasoning and critical analysis.

I've heard the theories about Dumbledore setting the Potters up to die, and I'm not going to discuss their validity right now; but he didn't put a wand in Tom's hand and force him to kill anyone. Tom did it all of his own accord.

And while yes, I have enormous sympathy for what happened to Tom as a child, at some point, he decided to murder Myrtle Warren, and that is where I lose my sympathy. Experiencing trauma does not give you the right to inflict harm on others. Yes, Tom was failed, but then, he spectacularly failed himself.

We also have no idea how Dumbledore treated Tom as a student.

In the movies, it’s Dumbledore who tells Tom he has to go back to the orphanage, but in the books, it’s Dippet. We know that Slughorn spent a lot of time around Tom at Slug Club and such, yet I don’t really see people clamoring for his head.

I regard the sentiment that Dumbledore turned Tom Riddle into Lord Voldemort with a lot of skepticism.

But let's hear from the character himself -- his impression of eleven-year-old Tom Riddle.

“Did I know that I had just met the most dangerous Dark wizard of all time?” said Dumbledore. “No, I had no idea that he was to grow up to be what he is. However, I was certainly intrigued by him. I returned to Hogwarts intending to keep an eye upon him, something I should have done in any case, given that he was alone and friendless, but which, already, I felt I ought to do for others’ sake as much as his."

Now, assuming that Dumbledore's telling the truth, I'm not seeing something glaringly wrong with this. No, he hasn't pigeonholed Tom as evil, yes, I'd be intrigued, too, and it's a very good idea to keep an eye on Tom, for his own sake.

“At Hogwarts,” Dumbledore went on, “we teach you not only to use magic, but to control it. You have — inadvertently, I am sure — been using your powers in a way that is neither taught nor tolerated at our school."

Again, it seems like he's at least somewhat sympathetic towards Tom, and is willing to at least give him a chance.

More evidence (again, assuming Dumbledore is a reliable narrator):

Harry: “Didn’t you tell them [the other professors], sir, what he’d been like when you met him at the orphanage?” Dumbledore: “No, I did not. Though he had shown no hint of remorse, it was possible that he felt sorry for how he had behaved before and was resolved to turn over a fresh leaf. I chose to give him that chance.”

Now, I think Dumbledore is pretty awful with kids, but I don't think that's malicious. Yeah, it's a flaw, but perfect people don't exist, and perfect characters are dead boring. I am not saying that he definitely handled Tom's case well, I'm just saying that there's little evidence that Dumbledore, however shaken and scandalized, wrote him off as 'evil snake boy.'

It's also worth taking into account that it's 1938, and the attitudes towards mental health back then.

Why is Tom looking at Dumbledore like that, anyway? Why is he so scared? What has he possibly been threatened with or heard whispers of?

"'Professor'?" repeated Riddle. He looked wary. "Is that like 'doctor'? What are you here for? Did she get you in to have a look at me?"

"I don't believe you," said Riddle. "She wants me looked at, doesn't she? Tell the truth!"

"You can't kid me! The asylum, that's where you're from, isn't it? 'Professor,' yes, of course -- well, I'm not going, see? That old cat's the one who should be in the asylum. I never did anything to little Amy Benson or Dennis Bishop, and you can ask them, they'll tell you!

Tom keeps insisting he's not mad until Dumbledore finally manages to calm him down.

I'm really upset this wasn't in the movie, because it's important context. Instead we got these throwaway cutscenes of some knick-knacks relating to the Cave he's got lying around, but I just would have preferred to see him freaking out like he does in the book.

There was extreme stigma and prejudice towards mental illness.

'Lunatic asylums,' as they were called in Tom's time, were terrible places. In the 1930s and 40s, he could look forward to being 'treated' with induced convulsions, via metrazol, insulin, electroshock, and malaria injections. And if he stuck around long enough, he could even look forward to a lobotomy!

So, if you think Dumbledore was judgmental towards Tom, imagine how flat-out prejudiced whatever doctors or 'experts' Mrs. Cole might have gotten in to 'look at him' must have been!

Moving on to the next few shots, he is sitting down and hunched over as if expecting punishment or at least some kind of bad news, Dumbledore is mostly out of the frame. He’s trapped visually, by Dumbledore on one side, and a wall on the other, because he’s still very much afraid. uncomfortable, as he tells Dumbledore a secret that he fears could get him committed to an asylum (which were fucking horrible places, as I said).

It brings to the scene that miserable sense of isolation and loneliness to that has defined Tom’s entire life up to that point (and, partially due to his own bad choices, continues to define it).

And, when Dumbledore accepts it, his posture changes. he becomes more confident and more at ease, as he describes the... utilities of his magical abilities. 

"All sorts," breathed Riddle. A flush of excitement was rising up his neck into his hollow cheeks; he looked fevered. "I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to."

Riddle lifted his head. His face was transfigured: There was a wild happiness upon it, yet for some reason it did not make him better looking; on the contrary, his finely carved features seemed somehow rougher, his expression almost bestial.

I do think Harry, our narrator, is being a tad bit judgmental here. Magic is probably the only thing that brings Tom happiness in his grey, lonely world, and when I was Tom's age and being bullied, if I had magic powers, you'd better believe that I'd (a) be bloody ecstatic about it (b) use them. And, like Tom, I can't honestly say that I can't imagine getting a bit carried-away with it. Unfortunately, we can't all be as inherently good and kindhearted as Harry.

Reading HBP again, as a 'mature' person, it almost seems like the reader is being prompted to see Tom as evil just because he's got 'weird' facial expressions.

So... uh...

Nope, let's judge Tom on his actions, not looks of 'wild happiness.'

To his great surprise, however, Dumbledore drew his wand from an inside pocket of his suit jacket, pointed it at the shabby wardrobe in the corner, and gave the wand a casual flick. The wardrobe burst into flames. Riddle jumped to his feet; Harry could hardly blame him for howling in shock and rage; all his worldly possessions must be in there. But even as Riddle rounded on Dumbledore, the flames vanished, leaving the wardrobe completely undamaged.

Okay, one thing I dislike is Tom's lack of emotional affect when Dumbledore burned the wardrobe, in the books, he jumped up and started screaming, instead of looking passively (in shock, perhaps?) at the fire. Incidentally, I can't really tell if he's impressed or in shock, to be honest. I think they really tried to make Tom 'creepier' in the movie.

This is one of the incidents where Dumbledore's inability to deal with children crops up.

I think he was trying to teach Tom that magic can be dangerous, and he wouldn't like it to be used against him, but burning the wardrobe that contains everything he owns was a terrible move on Dumbledore's part. Tom already has very limited trust in other people, and now, he's not going to trust Dumbledore at all -- now, he's put Tom on the defensive/offensive for the rest of their interaction, and perhaps for the rest of their teacher-student relationship.

Riddle stared from the wardrobe to Dumbledore; then, his expression greedy, he pointed at the wand. "Where can I get one of them?"

"Where do you buy spellbooks?" interrupted Riddle, who had taken the heavy money bag without thanking Dumbledore, and was now examining a fat gold Galleon.

But I'm not surprised Tom is 'greedy.' He's grown up in an environment where if he wants something, whether that's affection, food, money, toys, he's got to take it. There's no one looking after his needs specifically. I'm not surprised that he's a thief and a hoarder, and I don't think that counts as a moral failing necessarily, and more of a maladaptive way of seeking comfort. It would be bizarre if he came out of Wool's Orphanage a complete saint.

Additionally, I think given that the Gaunt family has a history of 'mental instability,' Tom is a sensitive child, and the trauma of growing up institutionalized and possibly being treated badly due to his magical abilities or personality disorder deeply affected him.

And there are points where it seems that Dumbledore is quick to judge Tom.

"He was already using magic against other people, to frighten, to punish, to control."

"Yes, indeed; a rare ability, and one supposedly connected with the Dark Arts, although as we know, there are Parselmouths among the great and the good too. In fact, his ability to speak to serpents did not make me nearly as uneasy as his obvious instincts for cruelty, secrecy, and domination."

"I trust that you also noticed that Tom Riddle was already highly self-sufficient, secretive, and, apparently, friendless?..."

And while this is all empirically true, these are (a) a product of Tom's harsh environment, and (b) do not necessarily make him evil. But the point remains that child psych didn't exist as a field of its own, and psychology as a proper science was in its infancy, so I'd be shocked if Dumbledore was insightful about Tom's situation.

But I've gone a ton of paragraphs without citing anything, so I've got to rectify that.

Let's talk about Harry Harlow's monkey experiments in the 1950-70s.

If you're not a fan of animal research, since I know some people are uncomfortable with it, feel free to scroll past.

Here's the TL;DR: Children need to be hugged and shown affection too, not just fed and clothed, please don't leave babies to 'cry out' and ignore their needs because it's backwards and fucking inhumane. HUG AND COMFORT AND CODDLE CHILDREN AND SPOIL THEM WITH AFFECTION!

I will put more red writing when the section is over.

This is still an interesting experiment to have in mind while we explore the whole 'no one taught Tom Riddle how to love' thing and whether or not it's actually a good argument.

Andddd let's go all the way back to the initial 1958 experiment, featured in Harlow's paper, the Nature of Love. (If you're familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, him and Harlow actually collaborated for a time).

To give you an idea of our starting point, until Harlow's experiment, which happened twenty years after Dumbledore meets Tom for the first time, no one in science had really been interested in studying love and affection.

"Psychologists, at least psychologists who write textbooks, not only show no interest in the origin and development of love or affection, but they seem to be unaware of its very existence."

I'm going to link some videos of Harry Harlow showing the actual experiment, which animal rights activists would probably consider 'horrifying.' It's nothing gory or anything, but if you are particularly soft-hearted (and I do not mean that as an insult), be warned. It's mostly just baby monkeys being very upset and Harlow discussing it in a callous manner. Yes, today it would be considered unethical, but it's still incredibly important work and if you think you can handle it, I would recommend watching at least the first one to get an idea of how dramatic this effect is.

Dependency when frightened

The full experiment

The TL;DW:

This experiment was conducted with rhesus macaques; they're still used in psychology/neuroscience research when you want very human-like subjects, because they are very intelligent (unnervingly so, actually). I'd say that adult ones remind me of a three-year old child.

Harlow separated newborn monkeys from their mothers, and cared for their physical needs. They had ample nutrition, bedding, warmth, et cetera. However, the researchers noticed that the monkeys:

(a) were absolutely miserable. And not just that, but although all their physical needs were taken care of, they weren't surviving well past the first few days of life. (This has also been documented in human babies, and it's called failure to thrive and I'll talk about it a bit later).

(b) showed a strong attachment to the gauze pads used to cover the floor, and decided to investigate.

So, they decided to provide a surrogate 'mother.' Two, actually. Mother #1 was basically a heated fuzzy doll that was nice for the monkeys to cuddle with. Mother #2 was the same, but not fuzzy and made of wire. Both provided milk. The result? The monkeys spent all their time cuddling and feeding from the fuzzy 'mother.' Perhaps not surprising.

What Harlow decided next, is that one of the hallmarks being attached to your caregiver is seeking hugs and reassurance from them when frightened. So, when the monkeys were presented with something scary, they'd go straight to the cloth mother and ignore the wire one. Not only that, but when placed in an unfamiliar environment, if the cloth mother was present, the monkeys would be much calmer.

In a follow-up experiment, Harlow decided to see if there was some sort of sensitive period by introducing both 'mothers' to monkeys who had been raised in isolation for 250 days. Guess what?

The initial reaction of the monkeys to the alterations was one of extreme disturbance. All the infants screamed violently and made repeated attempts to escape the cage whenever the door was opened. They kept a maximum distance from the mother surrogates and exhibited a considerable amount of rocking and crouching behavior, indicative of emotionality.

Yikes. So, at first Harlow thought that they'd passed some kind of sensitive period for socialization. But after a day or two they calmed down and started chilling out with the cloth mother like the other monkeys did. But here's a weird thing:

That the control monkeys develop affection or love for the cloth mother when she is introduced into the cage at 250 days of age cannot be questioned. There is every reason to believe, however, that this interval of delay depresses the intensity of the affectional response below that of the infant monkeys that were surrogate-mothered from birth onward

All these things... attachment, affection, love, seeking comfort ... are mostly learned behaviours.

Over.

Orphanages, institutionalized childcare, and why affection is a need, not an extra.

His face is lit the exact same was as Coulson’s was in COS (half-light, half-dark), and I said I was going to talk about this in Part 3. I think perhaps it's intended to make Fiennes-Tiffin look more evil or menacing, but I'm going to quite deliberately misinterpret it.

Now, for some context, Dumbledore has just (kind of) burned his wardrobe, ratted out his stealing habit, and (in the books only, they really took a pair of scissors to this scene) told him he needs to go apologize and return everything and Dumbledore will know if he doesn't, and, well, Tom's not exactly a happy bugger about it.

But interestingly, in the books, this is when we start to see Tom's 'persona,' aka his mask, start to come into play. Whereas before, he was screaming, howling, and generally freaking out, here, he starts to hide his emotions -- in essence, obscure his true self under a shadow. So this scene is really the reverse of Coulson's in COS.

And perhaps I'm reading wayyy too much into this, but I can't help but notice that Coulson's hair is parted opposite to Fiennes-Tiffin's, and the opposite sides of their faces are shadowed, too.

Riddle threw Dumbledore a long, clear, calculating look. "Yes, I suppose so, sir," he said finally, in an expressionless voice.

Riddle did not look remotely abashed; he was still staring coldly and appraisingly at Dumbledore. At last he said in a colorless voice, "Yes, sir."

Here's an article from The Atlantic on Romanian orphanages in the 1980s, when the dictator, Ceausescu, basically forced people to have as many children as possible and funnel them into institutionalized 'childcare', and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

There's not a whole lot of information out there on British orphanages in the 30s' and 40s', but given that people back then thought you just had to keep children on a strict schedule and feed them, it wouldn't have a whole lot better.

The only thing I've found is this, and it's not super promising.

The most important study informing the criteria for contemporary nosologies, was a study by Barbara Tizard and her colleagues of young children being raised in residential nurseries in London (Tizard, 1977). These nurseries had lower child to caregiver ratios than many previous studies of institutionalized children. Also, the children were raised in mixed aged groups and had adequate books and toys available. Nevertheless, caregivers were explicitly discouraged from forming attachments to the children in their care.

Here's a fairly recent paper that I think gives a good summary: Link

Here, they describe the responses to the Strange Situation test (which tests a child's attachment to their caregiver).

We found that 100% of the community sample received a score of “5,” indicating fully formed attachments, whereas only 3% of the infants living in institutions demonstrated fully formed attachments. The remaining 97% showed absent, incomplete, or odd and abnormal attachment behaviors.

Bowlby and Ainsworth, who did the initial study, thought that children would always attach to their caregivers, regardless of neglect or abuse. But some infants don't attach (discussed along with RAD in Part 2).

Here's a really good review paper on attachment disorders in currently or formerly institutionalized children : Link

Core features of RAD in young children include the absence of focused attachment behaviors directed towards a preferred caregiver, failure to seek and respond to comforting when distressed, reduced social and emotional reciprocity, and disturbances of emotion regulation, including reduced positive affect and unexplained fearfulness or irritability.

Which all sounds a lot like Tom in this scene. The paper also discusses neurological effects, like atypical EEG power distribution (aka brain waves), which can correlate with 'indiscriminate' behavior and poor inhibitory control; which makes sense for a kid who, oh, I don't know, hung another kid's rabbit because they were angry.

Furthermore...

...those children with more prolonged institutional rearing showed reduced amygdala discrimination and more indiscriminate behavior.

This again, makes a ton of sense for Tom's psychological profile, because the amygdala (which is part of the limbic system, which regulates emotions) plays a major role in fear, anger, anxiety, and aggression, especially with respect to learning, motivation and memory.

So, I agree completely that Tom needed a lot of help, especially given the fact that he spent eleven years in an orphanage (longer than the Bucharest study I was referring to), and Dumbledore wasn't exactly understanding of his situation, and probably didn't realise what a dramatic effect the orphanage had on Tom, and given the way he talks to Tom, probably treated him as if he were a kid who grew up in a healthy environment.

In case you are still unconvinced that hugging is that important, there's a famous 1944 study conducted on 40 newborn human infants to see what would happen if their physical needs (fed, bathed, diapers changed) were provided for with no affection. The study had to be stopped because half the babies died after four months. Affection leads to the production of hormones and boosts the immune system, which increases survival, and that is why we hug children and babies should not be in orphanages. They are supposed to be hugged, all the time. I can't find the citation right now, I'll add it later if I find it.

But I think it's vastly unrealistic to say that Dumbledore, who grew up during the Victorian Era, would have any grasp of this and I don't think he was actively malicious towards Tom.

Was Tom Riddle failed by institutional childcare? Absolutely.

Were the adults in his life oblivious to his situation? Probably.

Do the shitty things that happened to Tom excuse the murders he committed, and are they anyone's fault but his own? No. At the end of the day, Tom made all the wrong choices.

And, for what it's worth, I think (film) Dumbledore (although he expresses the same sentiment in more words in the books) wishes he could go back in time and have helped Tom.

"Draco. Years ago, I knew a boy, who made all the wrong choices. Please, let me help you."

[thebeautyoffanfics]

se!saeran x gn!reader

a/n: I’m really really sorry for taking so long on requests,,, I’m working on them slowly, but I’m in a sort of weird mental state, so I wrote this mainly for comfort. Thanks for understanding ^^

Pfff, as i’m writing this, my internet has cut like 6 times- honestly i’m just trying to write comfortttttt

warnings: negative thoughts/feelings

word count: 1,869

Your stomach ached, as you wrapped your arms around your torso. So many thoughts flooded your head that it was beginning to make you feel physically ill. Your brain was screaming at you- things you should be doing, things you regretted doing, how lazy you were being, how tired you felt, how overwhelming every little feeling, sound, light, and texture was to your senses. Yet, all you could do was sit there. You wanted to cry, but, despite everything you felt, you were… numb. Where was the point in crying? It was best to accept everything as it was.

Though you told yourself it was best to accept such a defeat, there was a part of you that was well aware that you were close to some sort of breaking point. All day was spent doing things- all day for several weeks now, you spent your time working. Working, worrying, running errands. Still, every day seemed to bring another thing to do- another problem- more drama, none of which you could control. Everything was out of your control.

You nearly jumped at hearing your phone ring. Grabbing it, you were half-ready to give some sort of curt answer, before realizing that it was just Saeran. Holding the phone to your ear, you gave the most cheerful answer you could.

“Hello?”

“Hey, (Y/N)... I was just… wondering how you were.”

Of course, you weren’t doing your best. Knowing that, but also knowing that Saeran probably couldn’t afford to bother himself with your problems, you told him “I’m pretty good. How about you?”

“I’m fine… my stupid brother went into town, so I was thinking about walking to your place. Not like I… really feel like seeing you in particular, I’m just….”

“It’s alright. You don’t need an excuse to come visit me, you know? I’m decent, and I’ve probably got ice cream in the fridge.”

Saeran paused on the other line, and you could vaguely hear the sound of boots zipping up. “Right then. See you in a few.”

“Okay. Love you, see you in a few.”

“............” He whispered, despite the fact that no one was in his home nor yours, “love you too.”

The phone call ended, and you sat back, staring at the ceiling. Saeran was comforting to be around, sure, but… were you going to be comforting for him? You had no energy left. Just making yourself talk on the phone felt like too much work, you honestly just wanted to sleep… sleep for a long time. Maybe a month of two. A year or… ten.

“Alas, life goes on,” You whispered to yourself, attempting to lighten the mood. Forcing yourself to stand, you walked to the bathroom and grabbed a hairbrush, deciding to make yourself somewhat decent for Saeran.

You glanced at the mirror, pulling the brush through your tangled hair. The knots were tough, probably due to running your hands stressfully through your hair so often, and you watched as your face contorted in pain.

“You’re so… ugly,” You sighed to yourself, continuing to brush your hair. “You can’t even handle brushing your hair… it’s not hard. It doesn’t hurt that bad… you’re fine, you know? Just suck it up...”

Sighing, you tossed the hairbrush back onto the counter, then fixed your hair a bit with your hands. “Talking to yourself, huh… not even for a fun conversation. Just… complaining.”

You began your walk towards the kitchen, aiming to grab some medicine to calm your upset stomach. As you stepped, the thoughts continued- upsetting, self-deprecating thoughts, on top of impulsive ones. It was all… too much. Even as you swallowed the pain relieving pill, so many thoughts ran through your brain. Throw this, hit that, do this, clean that. You wanted to pull out your freshly-brushed hair, as you instead opted to chug the water bottle held in your hand.

“Giving your kidneys a boost?” A familiar voice asked, a joking tone laced in the comment. You nearly jumped again, calling yourself lucky for having just finished drinking the water.

“I drink plenty of water, actually. Maybe not today, but I usually do.”

You gently wrapped an arm around the tall boy, feeling him lightly return it, before the both of you sat back quickly. “Saeyoung always tells me that you should drink water every day. Not just when you feel like it.”

“And does Saeyoung follow that?”

Saeran laughed, “does Phd Pepper count?”

“Nope. So, his comments are invalid.”

“I didn’t take them seriously to begin with, sooo…”

You smiled, tossing the empty bottle into the recycling bin, before looking back over at Saeran. “So? What brings you here? Ice cream, a movie, popcorn?”

He shrugged, grabbing a bowl and a spoon, then making his way towards your freezer. He took out the ice cream container, before preparing himself a bowl. “...Want any?” He asked, not bothering to look at you as he did so.

“No, thank you though.”

"Sure… it’s your ice cream, so you don’t really need to thank me.”

After having made his bowl of ice cream, you found yourself resting next to Saeran on the couch. A comfortable silence ensued, and you finally felt at some sort of peace. Though your eyes were shut, at feeling a gaze on you, you peeked them open, catching a glimpse of Saeran as he quickly turned his head. Sitting up a bit, you smiled at his dismissiveness. He’d die before admitting it, but he had been looking at you… you felt lucky. He could look at you without disgust- something not even you could do to yourself.

“What’re you thinking?” You asked after a few minutes. Though the silence was enjoyable, his voice wasn’t something you could complain about either. Honestly, all you wanted to do was hear his sweet voice talk about whatever he pleased, and maybe fall asleep to him talking. The last part was less likely, but-

“You’re acting dumb,” He muttered, turning and shoving a spoonful of ice cream into your mouth. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, as you noted the pout on his face. You swallowed the ice cream, your heart rate picking up, worrying that you did something wrong.

“What do you mean?”

“See, you’re already getting defensive. It’s,” He paused a bit, and you didn’t bother speaking, knowing it was hard for him to put things to words. He didn’t want to seem too worried, although it was clear he cared. “It’s weird. You haven’t…” His voice grew quiet, as a pink spread across his face, “texted me as much. And I’ve had to initiate half the calls- and even then, you sometimes don’t pick up. And then, your texts are all quick and boring. I’m not… the best at picking up on things, but I can tell something’s wrong. So, just tell me. That’s what I’m here for, you idiot.”

You sat there, unable to form any words. You hadn’t thought that anything seemed wrong. You were… your normal self, right? He’d been worried just because you… couldn’t keep up with your own mind. His concern was your fault, despite the fact that all you wanted to do was focus on him. To help him. This wasn’t help-

“Stop. Stop thinking whatever you’re thinking. I don’t like that look on your face. You don’t need to force yourself or anything, just… I’m... here. It’s not a problem or a bother or anything.”

Like that, so many of those negative thoughts were contradicted. Your head hurt a bit, as you felt your heart ache. Tears filled your eyes, as everything finally came crashing down. Letting out a sob you were sure was ugly, you felt Saeran tense up next to you. Maybe he wasn’t expecting such a reaction- maybe it was overwhelming for him- still, despite the fact that he could turn away, despite the fact that he didn’t need to care, he wrapped his arms tightly around you. He began to rock you back and forth a bit, petting your head gently, as you had often done for him.

Normally, Saeran struggled to start physical contact. He struggled to deal with it, always needing you to slowly initiate touch. He’d gotten better about it, but just having him hold you so suddenly and so tightly, so comfortingly, made your heart ache further. He’d worked so hard, and, in that moment, you were so proud of him. You felt so much love for him that you were sure your heart was going to burst. And, the way he was treating you made you sure that, even if it wasn’t you yourself, there was someone out there who loved you… Saeran was that someone.

After a few minutes of Saeran holding you as you cried, you found the energy to sit back, wiping your eyes, almost embarrassed of the mess you were sure you’d become. He reached out, wiping some tears for you, before squishing your face slightly. His face was red, eyes slightly watery, as he made direct eye contact.

“Don’t hide your feelings from me… you convince me to tell you things, so you should tell me. If I’m comfortable around you… then, you… should be comfortable around me. It’s not like I have any room to judge you.”

Taking a shaky breath, you leaned back into the hug, the side of your face squishing against his chest. “Can I just… sit here for a bit…? Tell me about your day, please.”

Saeran hesitated, before shifting the two of you, leaning against the couch so that you’d also be reclining a bit. Once settled, he took in a strangely calm breath, before speaking. “Well… when I woke up, Saeyoung said he was making breakfast. It smelled bad though, and I realized he’d used Phd Pepper instead of water in the pancake mix… which, I guess was his way of saying ‘hey, Saeran, you make breakfast today’. So, I made normal pancakes. Actually, I put some… little chocolate chips in them, like the kind we got last time we ate breakfast-”

His voice continued on, as you listened to him describe every detail of his day. A sort of calmness enveloped your heart, along with exhaustion enveloping your body. There in Saeran’s arms, everything felt… safe. Nothing could hurt you, not even the problems, drama, and work that you had just panicked over. There… was no rush to do things. If you took things slowly, maybe… just maybe, it’d all work out. With those thoughts in mind, and Saeran’s voice in the background, you finally fell asleep.

---

“(Y/N)? Are you even listening?” Saeran questioned, lifting a hand from your back. As he did so, he glanced at your face, before freezing up. Realizing you were asleep, he put his hand back, sitting back in place. “They’re… asleep,” He thought, a bright blush growing on his face. Despite himself, he smiled slightly, proud that you were comfortable enough with him to fall asleep on him. He rubbed a hand up and down your back, beginning to realize how sleepy he was. As a few more moments passed, the only sound Saeran could hear being your gentle breathing, he found himself drifting off to sleep as well.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 8-13 thoughts! again, under the cut bc I blew through 6 episodes in one go...

-LOVE THE WAY THE GHOST ZONE LOOKS. but theres fucking ghost cops??? ghost jail??? that SUCKS imagine dying and going to jail in your AFTERLIFE. danny going to JAIL WAS NOT something I expected. but seeing all the enemies together and work with danny to bust out. SO ICONIC I love that actually. and the thing about real world stuff acting as ghosts in the ghost zone is very cool.

-'there are some things more important that hunting ghosts!' mrs fenton says, about her husband forgetting their anaversary (FOR THE 18TH YEAR IN A ROW?? CHRIST) and not about, idk, their son clearly freaked out. she didnt even notice he was gone into the ghost zone!!! he might be a bad husband BUT shes not the best mom. they suck and I don't care about their relationship problems I care about these kids. danny doing his best to clean the house to keep his mom from getting mad at his dad?? hes such a good boy I want to cry, this is not his place, his dad should be cleaning his own shit up!!!

-maddie's butch lesbian sister is living my best life in her lil cabin. also being a snarky bitch to jack. queen. and her getting a 10th anniversary of her divorce. LOVE IT.

-mr. lancer being a cheerleader in his younger years makes perfect sense to me. king shit.

-dr. spectra's cat ears/mullet hairstyle?? sooo cute. I also just love the concept of a ghost just. sucking out people's positivity and feeding on emotions. a great villain. she put danny in a fucking diaper what the FUCK. and keeping it cold so no one would suspect shes a ghost??? INCREDIBLE. and her gay little blob sidekick. wlw mlm evil solidarity.

-JAZZ FOCUSED EP. YEAAAH!!! her first thought when she saw the ghosts was like 'omg i gotta tell danny :)' and her going to the teacher and also councilor trying to get help for him...shes just 16 but shes trying so hard to help him out :( watching this when youre younger I can imagine ppl are like omg annoying!! but watching this when im older im just like :( jazz baby im SO sorry </3 SHE BODIED THAT GHOST THOUGH. and the fact she didnt tell danny she knew surprised me. like, shes patient and waiting on him to tell her when hes ready!! thats so so sweet.

-christ the parents talking about 'PEELING IT LIKE AN ONION. AND EXAMINING REMAINS' of ghosts RIGHT INFRONT OF DANNY.

-'why am i so depressed and angry all the time!!' DANNY YOURE 14. i mean it IS a ghost this time, but...

-579$ top?? VALERIE NO ITS NOT EVEN CUTE IT DOESNT EVEN GO WITH THAT OUTFIT AAAA. tho this ep is called shades of gray..VALERIE FOCUSED EP FINALLY????! *THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE* I already knew about red huntress from my redesigns, but I didn't exactly know what that entails or how/why, so, it's fun to see the Origins.

-ghost pubby! ghost pubby!!!!! why is the dog a ghost?? the implication that the company had guard dogs and got rid of them...what did they DO. is it just the unfinished business?? of not having that toy it was looking for?? god I hope so.

I feel SOOO bad for valerie tho, my god. her friends are shunning her for what, because her dad lost her job and she had to move??? horrible. (and the fact the dog wrecked the moving van too...) I also love how 'from wisconsin' on the package was an IMMEDIATE RED FLAG FOR ME. WISCONSIN=EVIL NOW. vlads so petty.

-it took valerie like 5 mins to get the hang of hunting ghosts and shes already a much bigger threat than his parents tbh. who've been trying and studying this for years. and a more valid reason <3 love her shes so cute and cool. new daughter alert.

-'i should do SOMETHING to help valerie' no shit danny???

-'who is that, awesome outfit!' -top gay sam moments. i was going to say. before it immediately cuts to sam kissing danny LMFAOOO. don't think I like that, it puts tucker in a weird third wheel position... the next ep involves them holding hands and blushing when danny's cold...URGH No. not a fan ngl. the trope of 'if theres a girl in a trio she has to end up with one of the two guys!!'

-right as I say that they take it to extremes!! and ember shoots him with a love ray gun that makes him OBSESSIVE OVER SAM. AND SHE TAKES HIS HANDS AND SAYS 'YOU DONT FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT ME, I DONT FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU' and her saying she doesnt want to be together like this. and tucker saying 'i always knew you two would get together!!' dont manifest it tucker please. the show pushing for it so hard makes me not want it KSHKJKJD I KNOW its probably canon. it sucks though. im a hater.

-vlad just LURKING AROUND THE SCHOOL GIVING VALERIE GIFTS ASJKDHKJ YOU WEIRD PETTY OLD MAN GO HOME!!!

-EMBERRRRR YOU WILL REMEMBERRRRRR . this is the one thing I kinda remember from when I was a kid EMBERRRRR ilu. top 10 cartoon bops. sams being a hater. popular things are popular for a reason. mr. lancer also being a hater. also everyone wearing her color scheme ..its a really good look, the purple, black, and minty color...

-penguins exist in the ghost zone. confirmed.

-EMBER JUST SHOWING UP AT A RANDOM HIGHSCHOOL TO PLAY?? UNANNOUNCED, MID DAY??? girl get a tour schedule. make some money or smth damn. I know shes probably doing it for the power boost but. lord. anyway if your show doesnt have a concert scene/ep, is it even valid.

-fellas is this gay. (she uses a GRAPPLING HOOK TO SHOOT OUT THE WINDOW AFTER SEEING AN EMBER VAN GO BY RIGHT AFTER THIS SHOT)

-hey, she had an undercut at some point!! my redesign!!! was accurate!! in..a way

-I feel like danny has a lot of pent up aggression ngl, him being heartbroken about sam and immediately going IM GONNA GO TAKE IT OUT ON EMBER. I mean she needs to be stopped I guess But. jazz has the right idea he needs therapy and a HEALTHY outlet.

-tucker singing > my singing

-girls cant be gamers -tucker and danny sexist moments. her being chaos in the game OWNED.

-TUCKERS HAT IS A BERET??? I THOUGHT IT WAS A BEANIE. SAM CALLED IT A BERET. WH.

-it was actually nice of lancer to let danny retake the test, and he go to play games again. smh. epic cringe gamer moments compilation. and driving him home!!! I actually like him as a character. anyway teachers like lancer are SO appreciated. I was failing middle school because of mental problems, and felt so dumb and got embarrassed by teachers who would just get onto me instead of bothering to ask what the real problem was, but when I was taking my ged classes I had a wonderful teacher who kept reassuring me that I was smart, and I got honors!! danny is SUCH a little shit to him (understandable, 14, but) but seeing them getting along better and danny putting in effort. SO CUTE. THATS MY SON, STUDYING HARD!!!! and being so PROUD OF HIMSELF!!! 91!!! BITCH!!! A- is STILL AN A!!!

-'why dont they ever realize thats me in a dress' mr lancer i am CRYING. i realized.

-technus being my ghost grandpa who cant game asking tucker for help. bless his heart. his out of date old ppl lingo circles back to being endearing <3 tucker not recognizing him despite the like, lack of any kind of serious disguise...I do love their lil in-game outfits....sam being the tank rules. I like technus' spider design also. more characters need to be giant freaky spiders, imo.

-finding your gf a new host because she cant maintain her ghost body outside the zone? amazing. using jazz as the host? ILL KILL YOU. jazz immediately accepting a ride home from a guy she just met and letting him know where she lives. letting him IN THE HOUSE??? nooo girl no lets use common sense </3

-sooo cringe the parents were like 'good job for spying on your sister' tho wtffff. doesnt matter if hes a bad guy, thats fucked. everytime these parents BREATHE im like. these are MY kids now <3

-BAD LUCK BEING A THEME OF THE 13TH EPISODE. thats super fun. johnny 13 being his name is so. iconic. your last name is a NUMBER? also goth tucker. I actually love the look. everyone looks good goth. 'the ladies love the eyeliner and onyx nail polish' sam you are sooo right every man needs to at least try those two things. im a lesbian and I agree. same, danny, your bff is gnc af

-LOVE kitty's design. and just, the concept of a ghost with a bike. couple goals, except yes stay away from jazz.

[yoichichi]

Bunny’s 200 follower event

request: ok this is for my baby, my shawty, my luv xoxo, my bitch, my world, my EVERYTHING 😩 @plutowrites her request was sent in private so imma keep it that way ❣️ please enjoy baby 💓

a/n: ok so I know you got boyfie kenma but this is who I’d match you with excluding that scary mf 😌😙 sooo say hello to boyfie #2 & #3

Reading your request, you have been matched with...

(づ￣ ³￣)づ Tsukishima Kei

I just knew eventually we’d come to this Pluto 😪 let’s address the mental illness that is being with Tsukishima 😪 IM JUST KIDDING PLS

Ok but no fr everything you’re looking for in a relationship? ^ this guy got

Tsuki is so funny idc

He’ll constantly be whispering snarky remarks in your ear about people around you and just absolutely dog on them and it’s SO funny

And sometimes he’ll just look at you after Hinata said something stupid like 😒 and ITS SO HARD TO NOT BURST INTO TEARS

Like this boy is gonna have you in stitches

And he’s so smart with it too like he’s so witty

He’s also the kind of guy where if you’re dying after he said smth he’s gonna look you up and down with a smirk cause he’s proud of himself LMAO

He’s also not clingey but a lowkey simp

Like he’d never in his fucking life admit to being a simp

But the speed at which he flips his phone when he thinks he might have a notif from you

And the way he will listen to the SAME song on rpt in those mf headphones if it reminds him of you

You’re his home screen too AND HIS EARS WOULD BURN SO BRIGHT RED WHEN YAMS FIRST NOTICES IT

Cause he’s using his phone to text his mom or smth and sees the home screen and is just 🤭😳😏 ~tsukiii

And Tsukis just

😒😐😳🙂

“Give me my phone, you can walk home.”

HES JUST SHY ABOUT LOVING YOU OK

Tsukishima is so decisive too I-

You’d be taking like 3 seconds too long to decide and he’d decide for you LMAO

Or you’d just give him a ~look like 😳🥺 and he’d just know and he’d roll his eyes and figure it out LMAO

Pls you’ll be somewhere and won’t know what you want to eat and you’re getting nervous cause your guys turn to order is coming up and he’d just order something for you he’d know you’d like and after just pull you into his side and kiss the top of your head

“You’re such an idiot.”

you’re VERY lucky he’s good at making good decisions LMAO

Ok he is going to be squishing your cheeks literally all the time????

Like you do anything and he’s grabbing your cheeks with one hand and moving your head back and forth while he talks to you in the mocking baby voice ya know?

“Oh you think you’re so smart baby~”

He’s mean but like, it’s ok cause it’s him and it’s h-hot 😦🤢 and he loves you obviously 🙄

 bitch you said banter that borderlines mean? This bout to be your favorite song^ all he DOES is bully

It’s his love language at this point

Your name in his phone is baby 🧡

But he says it’s just your name LMAO

Until you call his phone so he can find it and you see your contact name

Pls bully him about it he deserves it

It does not matter that you’re tall he will call you tiny literally any chance it makes sense

Can you reach things on the top shelf?

Yes

Does he care?

No

And he will grab it for you and be like

You’re too tiny I got it 🙄✋🏼 LMAO

Okok you mentioned you have eczema

One of Tsukis ways of showing he really does love you is taking care of you

He notices you’re getting low on your cream?

He already went to the store to get some for you

You’re having a flare up and feeling a little insecure?

He’s kissing your temple and whispering how beautiful you look today in your ear, hoping you’ll think about the way his hand is running up and down your arm and how he’s breathing down your neck, and the way the skin behind your ear is burning now from the second kiss he placed, rather than the way you’re eczema is making you feel

He’s a little more affectionate in public that day than he normally would choose to be

It’s subtle, things like intertwining your fingers and kissing your hand before pulling you in his direction rather than the way he’d usually hold your pinky and lightly tug you his way

Or coming up right behind you to look at something you’re showing him, towering over you with his chest against your back

“That’s awesome.” He says it sarcastically but still leans down to press a kiss to your cheek

“C’mon let’s get what we actually came for stupid.”

Even when he’s driving you guys there and back his right hand is resting on your thigh instead of the wheel, only moving to adjust the radio

He notices and his solution to bad thoughts is “think of me instead then bitch”

He keeps literally any and everything you’ve EVER made him

You met in highschool and now live together while you’re in college?

He still has those first things you made him in highschool in a little scrapbook album he made after a couple years of being together

Ok he eats the treats you bake in moderation in front of you ,,, but you’ve come across him more than once getting a midnight snack

🍪😦🧍🏻😅

Crumbs around his mouth and all LMAOOO

ok while he wouldn’t understand the basketball obsession completely he WILL put on a Raptors jersey and sit and watch every game with you and love your reactions

He’s even recorded games for you if you were too busy to watch it and then when you have the time to watch it he IS WEARING HIS JERSEY AND TURNING IT ON ALREADY AND YOURE JUST 🥺🤲🏼

But he’s just 😒 don’t make a big deal out of it

He takes things you’ve baked him to lunch every day bye

OK IM GONNA STOP NOW LMAO

Your vibe reminds me of...

Another suitable match for you would be...

(づ￣ ³￣)づ Jean Kirschtein

OK LISTEN THIS WAS SO HARD

I was reading and I was using my brain HARD I almost said Eren but I don’t think he’d be making smart decisions for y’all... and that mf is too indecisive y’all would really get nothing done LMAO

Apparently I just really love you and Jean

Okok ANYWAYS

Literally the most reliable and attentive mf

He’s a MASTER at being a simp without being too clingy

Always buying things you need from the store (he’s a lil bit of a rich boy too cmon now)

He remembers ALL of your favorite snacks and drinks

And when they change he makes a mental note of it

Literally a quarter of his brain is a roladex of your favorite Haribo gummy’s it’s ridiculous LMAO

He absolutely refuses to share things you bake him with literally anyone

God forbid Sasha gets a whiff, he swears he’ll fist fight her

ITS NOT JUST CAUSE ITS GOOD EITHER

He thinks it’s so special cause you made it for ~him so why tf should someone else get a taste 🤨☝🏼

He’s not even a lowkey simp at this point

The way he’d spoil you pls...

Like at some point you’re like Jean I- I only need so many necklaces

Yeah he’ll just move on to the next thing

Ok this a lil saucey but he’s definitely the type to buy you lingerie he wants to see on you

And if you’re feeling nervous or insecure he’s gonna be all over you and saying all kinds of things in your ear since you’re too shy to make eye contact

Your face is buried in his chest and he’s just running his hands down your sides and whispering little things in your ear like how pretty you are for him and how good you are for trying this on for him

ANYWAYS

He would love to bake with you as a date 🥺🤲🏼

I don’t think he’d be that great ... but he tries!!

And he gets to spend time with you, even if you are laughing at him 🖤

Another one who’s a decision maker

He’s gonna ask you more than tsuki would LMAO but ultimately he’s taking charge in the relationship

He just loves you so much pls

Your vibe reminds me of...

Baby I hope I did this justice 😪🤲🏼 I’m literally in love with you they better watch out... 🔪🧍🏻‍♀️......

Requests are open until February 26th 8:00 pm PST

-🐇out

[cassyapper]

Apart from Jotaro and Kakyoin (unfortunately) what are your other favourite jojo ships? I’d love to know

OHHHH POST YOUVE OPENED A CAN OF FUCKING WORMS LET ME GO OFF

i have a disease that makes me invested in the joestars’ happiness to an absurd level so bc of that a lot of ships i enjoy involve,,,one joestar,,,but there r others i swear let me just start rantingi

jonaeriwagon is soooooo so so cute it involves the most wholesome and purehearted jojo characters and it makes me smile so wide. erina and jonathan r childhood sweethearts and erina helped jonathan back on his feet after he lost EVERYTHING in the first fight against dio at the mansion. jonathan and speedwagon are best FRIENDS OKAY!! SPEEDWAGON LITERALLY CHANGES HIS ENTIRE WALK OF LIFE BECAUSE OF JONATHAN AND THE KINDNESS HE SHOWED HIM. i know erina and speedwagon didn't interact a whole lot in part 1 but like they're BEST. FRIENDS. in part 2, so much so joseph thought something was going on between them. i bring this up bc then it’s proof that this ship is full of ppl who just care for each other so much. they just adore each other and love each other and I'm crying

caejoseq is my FAVVV OKAY they're so stupid and in love. i love love love love imagining caesar and suziq falling in love slowly when he’s first training as lisalisa’s student and like they never do anything about it cause they're both so shy (yes caesar is shy bc these feelings r more genuine romance rather than sexual, unlike his other flings) but it’s obvious enough they both understand to a degree the other knows they like them sjkd;dn cuties. but then JOSEPH BARGES IN with his stupid hamon-breathing mask and his stupid blue-green eyes and his stupid lax personality combined with the moments he takes thing seriously during which is works hard as fuck/smart as fuck. he just completely sweeps them off their feet they had no fuckin warning whatsoever. so after a bunch of messy and intense pining from the both of them they eventually sit down and are like okay. we should do smth about feelings actually. so they Do and it ends with the polycule and I'm (”: smiling so wide they loved each other do u understand

AVPOL!! DO NOT GET ME STARTED OKAY it’s the survivor’s guilt and cherishing and longing for me sis!!!!!! I'm just saying both have pasts (araki said avdol’s backstory was so sad he didn't wanna put it into sdc so that’s where I'm drawing this from) that leave them focused on things other than their direct happiness/their own futures but then they connect and even though they're so fucking different they are SOOO different they're still the same on this level and i think!!! that would be everything for them finally someone who understands...listen I'm ging to go insane do you hear me. avdol loves this stupid fucking Frenchman so much because said stupid fucking Frenchman just cares so much about everything. meanwhile polnareff is in love with this fuckin god of a man who’s patient and kind and funny and a skilled enough fighter it’s stated explicitly in canon “oh avdol’s the one we need to worry about most not jotaro” like fuck polnareff is ENAMOURED WITH HIM!! AND I DONT FUCKING BLAME HIM!! and just dude. when pol thinks avdol came back to life and he starts crying tears of joy and hugs him so tightly and avdol just laughs but hugs him back imfmfjfj help. help. help. help. help. POLNAREFF LITERALLY ASKS HIM OUT ON A DATE THIS IS FUCKIN!!! CANON!!! i cant do this stupid fuckign idiots i love them

JOSUYASU!!!!!! TWO GUYS BEIGN DUDES WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT??? like listen we have such a SLEW of wholesome moments between these two the opening to the tonio episode is literally just them going on a date OKUYASU WAS GONNA FEED JOSUKE AND JOSUKE DIDNT EVEN FUCKING QUESTION IT OKAY THAT’S KINDA GAY THAT HAS ROMANTIC FUCKING UNDERTONES!! and them fighting against shigechi idk man i just love their dynamic it’s such a pleasant bro relationship and i love them. but even beyond the wholesome moments when okuyasu fucking dies josuke loses his SHIT!!! DO YOU HEAR ME HE GOES FUCKIGN INSANE!!!!! HE’S SCREAMING AND CRYING AND BEGGING OKUYASU TO WAKE UP AT THE EXPENSE OF HIS LIFE FUCKIGN HAYATO HAD TO SHRIEK AT HIM TO MOVE HIS ASS OUT OF THE WAY OF KIRA’S BOMB LIKE!! listen the recklessness and furiousness of josuke’s tactics after okuyasu “”died”” haunts me. he didn't want to live in a world without him and meanwhile okuyaus LITERALLY TRIUMPHS OVER DEATH BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE JOSUKE’S SIDE HELP ME GIRL FJKF;NDJN FUCK. fuck. so yeah i lvoe them

fugionara... any combination of this ship makes me go nuts okay okay. the dynamics in the bucci gang will forever leave me in tatters but THE ONES BETWEEN THESE THREE IN PARTICULAR. FUCK ME UP. it’s the healing it’s the animosity it’s the regret it’s the trying to figure out your own mentally ill self while also the world ur in with these ppl u love so much and I'm going crazy okay okay okay. idk how to quite put my feelings for them in worlds i just have a lot of them and they are fuckin. overhwelming. just narancia for example meant EVERYTHING to fugo as evidence by purple haze feedback (literally every other paragraph is a flashback) and the only time giorno cries in the anime is when narancia dies. meanwhile fugo saved narancia’s life and giorno knew when to take narancia seriously as opposed to a joke. and then THE WHOLE DISCUSSION ABOUT GRIEF FUGO AND GIORNO HAVE IN PURPLE HAZE FEEDBACK? listen something about these three make me go insane and feral

foolymes like okay. okay. I'm shaking like a dog trying not to go overboard on this justification just listen to me. hermes and jolyne first find someone to trust in prison in each other. jolyne cares abt her enough that she first learns how to use stone free’s string-on-a-telephone ability bc she wanted to watch over hermes. hermes loves nd respects jolyne that after she wakes up from getting a stand shes like “hm. wonder where jolyne is” and goes to find her before all that bullshit happened just hey okay LISTEN TO ME!! and then they get foo they save her it’s just like fucking kakyoin they give her another chance and they show her what relationships are supposed to be like (fulfilling) they enjoy her company and make her laugh and she makes them laugh in return ohmy god EVERYTHING FOO FIGHTERS DID WAS FOR JOLYNE AND HERMES DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!!! the marilyn mansion debt collector arc. the kiss of love and revenge arc. foo fighter’s death. I'm going to eat rocks in an attempt to stop feeling oh my god JOLYNE DIDNT EVEN BELEIVE FOO FIGHTERS WAS DYING AND THEN SHE GOT HYSTERICAL LIKE “BUT WE CAN JUST REMAKE YOU RIGHT WE HAVE YOUR STAND DISC??” SHE DOESNT WANT HER TO GOOO HELP ME HELP ME. I'm in tatters these three girls loved each other so fucking much they just wanted each other safe and they DESERVED to be safe and happy together but araki is fucking evil

jotaweather I KNOW THIS IS A CRACK SHIP I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW DONT FUCKIGN LOOK AT ME JUST HEAR ME OUT. jotaro and weather r both of similar demeanor that is quiet soft-speaking intimidating strong big aura of sadness coming from them. both have powerful stands and both had real fucked up luck in the love department. i also hc both to be autistic so that’d be another similarity. i jus think them settling down together after everything went down in a stone ocean au would be very soft and sweet yknow? they wouldn't even necessarily start it off in a romantic sense but they just take the time to try and heal with each other and eventually it just kinda veers that way. yeah

gyjo for OBVIOUS reasons like are you serious? gyro changed johnny’s fucking lfie from the SECOND they first interact johnny begins to push himself and tries to reach further/go further. and in turn johnny shows gyro you cant always be a wet blanket you need to take a stand this both helps his resolve to save the kid AND helps him to take the measures necessary to get to his goal. like gyro would not have been able to find johnny in the “who shot johnny joestar?” arc if he hadn't gone through, say, the ring roadagain arc with johnny first. listen man their relationship is literally the catalyst for this whole part it’s the driving force i just. they love each other they love each other thank you goodnight I'm emo

yasugap is just so so so so sweet it makes me so happy,,like okay josuk8 literally has a daydream where all that happens is he gives yasuho some candy and she eats it and is like “aw josuke this is so good thanks!” and she smiles at him and that’s IT THAT’S THE DAYDREAM 😭 listen they just love each other so much and i am emo. they literally SAVED EACH OTHER OKAY LIKE yasuho pulls him from the dirt and like she mentioned during the flashback chapter with the hairpin and her dad, it was also the other way around....saving josuke also saved herself and just LISTEN TO ME. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. it’s a very sweet and healthy relationship and i hope to god araki makes it canon please sir ill bite you

anyway yeah these are the main main ones ? that i ship ship. like you'll get me excited if u mention them. anyway this post has gone on long enough so I'm gonna end it here by saying i really do have a thing where the relationship focuses on healing/helping one or both parties to save/improve themselves

[arthurflecksgirl]

Reader finds out she`s pregnant with Arthur`s child

@jaraysha1121 requested this one! Thank you so much for the lovely request!!! I really, really, really hope you will like the result :)

Arthur humming quietly into your ear was the perfect way to wake up in the morning. Smelling his hair, that felt tickelish into your face while he kissed you awake was. You just wished that all of this, his bed hair in the morning, him humming oldies in the kitchen while making coffee, his skin on yours at night, would never come to end end.

You have been together for one year now but it felt like you had known him before the beginning of time. Having him in your arms felt like holding the entire universe in your hands. Like anything was possible and there was nothing that you weren`t able to face together. Arthur was your muse, your inspiration. Your proof that no matter how cruel life has been to you, there is still hope to stay gentle at heart and to end up being loved. It was just the same the other way around. You ended up being Arthurs salvation. His soul mate. Everything he ever hoped for and daydreamed about. You and him. It was just fate.

"Hey Y/N. I made you some tea. I hope you feel better this morning? I noticed you couldnt find sleep tonight?" He handed you the cup "Careful, its still very hot." You took a careful sip and put it back on the table. " Arthur crawled back on the couch with you, so you took him under the green blanket. He softly kissed your cheek.

"Um...yeah well I feel better now" you lied.  You didnt wanted him to be worried about you, since Arthur worried about you a lot. Whenever he thought there was the slightest chance for you to get sick or cold or anthing that made you feel uncomforable. He would ask you every five minutes if you already felt better, which was beyond adorable, but still, you didnt wanted him to get worried, because after a while he tended to get nervous and anxious , and that wasnt good for his mental health and insomnia at all. So yo decited to try to hide it from him. But he just knew you so well.

"Are you sure, baby? You seem like there is something wrong? You didnt even ate your fave cookies yesterday. The plate is still full so... I got evidence!" He joked and pulled your nose. "No, I`m fine, Artie, really. I mean.I just woke up beside you. How on earth wouldnt I feel great?" You took another sip of tea.

"Yeah..." Arthur lit himself a cig and stared at the ceiling while his arm was wrapped around you "You know, I just wish we could do this more often. The sleepover.  But its very diffucult to hide you from my mother. I dont know how she would react if she knew that a girl was sleeping in the living room."

You nodded. It was obvious that Arthur loved his mum but he was also afraid to get into a confrontation with her. He would only confront her with anything if there was absolutely no other way to handle it. So you sneaked into his apartment when Penny was already asleep.

"Sooo what if she just wakes up and walks through the living room? She will notice me for sure."

Arthur shook his head while he took a deep drag of his cig "She will not wake up".

"What do you mean?"

"She took some sleeping pills yesterday. Well... I made her do it but...anyway..." he stroke your hair "Dont worry abut that okay? She will still be asleep for the next few hours for sure. And even if she will wake up, she would be so confused, you could just hide under the blanket and she wouldnt notice anything."

"I see... you thought of anything didnt you? I wonder what she would sayif she knew there was a girl on the couch."

Arthur leaned in to kiss your ear "Just think of what she would do if she knew what I did with this girl last night...?!"

You smirked "Yeah that was definitely helping with feeling better."

"So what do you think she would do?"

"She would tell you you`re a naughty boy"

Arthur put the cig in his pink ashtray and  kissed you passionately.

"Yeah...being naughty is fun isnt it?"

You nodded under the sweet pressure of his lips.

You tried to be as quiet as possible, even though he claimed that Penny wouldnt wake up.  She was still in the back of your mind. There was something about the thought of being caught that you really liked.

Arthur checked the clock "Oh. I gotta go to work now. I`m pretty late. " He got up from the couch and grabbed his clown gear. You stood up to change your clothes as you realized how your head was spinning. Arthur didnt noticed. He was distracted by checking his bag.  " We`ll see each other on Monday, right?"

"Yeah, sure. I will visit  when you get home from work. "

Arthur grabbed the keys "Great. I cant wait to see you again, sweetheart. Any plans for today?"

You opened teh door "Yeah I will visit my best friend over the weekend. We`ll be watching movies and stuff."

You both headed down the hallway and got into the elevator "Sounds like fun" Arthur smiled at you with so much love in his eyes. His tiney wrinkles made you want to cover his beautiful face with kisses.

"What?" he asked as he noticed you staring.

"Nothing....its just...I love you so god damn much!"

Arthurs cheeks turned red "Dito!" he said, gently touching your cheek before you said goodbye. You watched him running towards the subway station. He was really late.

Being in the elevator a minute ago made your dizzyness even worse. You closed your eyes for a moment, wondering if you might catched the flu. You felt sick to the stomach for about three days now and it didnt seemed to get any better.  Hopefully it wouldnt ruin the whole weekend. You knew that your best friend bought sweets and cake but you didnt felt like eating anything at all.

Thirty minutes later you arrived. Your best friend welcomed you with the warmest hug. She was the only one who accepted your love to Arthur. Most of your other friends thought he was weird for his laughter and for still living with his mother at the age of 35. You started to realize that some of those people didnt even deserved your friendship, especially they didnt deserved to get to know the wonderful man that Arthur was.

"Hey Y/N ! I`m glad you`re here. I`ve planned something for tonight. You will be excited to hear about it. How is Arthur doing?"

You got out of your jacket and sat down on the couch "He`s doing fine. Thank you for asking. He`s on some new meds and they are much better than the last ones he had."

"I`m happy to hear this. But you kno what his best medicine is? YOU. Imean it. He looks so much healthier since the two of you meet each other on a regular basis."

Hearing those words coming out of her mouth meants the world to you "Thank you so much. I appriciate that. The others dont understand...."

"Pffff" she headed to the kitchen and came back with a huge self made pizza "Dont listen to them. They are idiots. Every single one of them. Arthur is a nice guy and he is good for you. I can see the way you look at each other. There is so much love between you."

"Yeah. I really do love him. More than anything. I think he`s my soulmate."You smiled "I understand him.  And he gets me. We get each other. We dont even have to say anything. Its just....we know. We`re the same. "

"Heyyyyy check this out" she put the huge pizza on the table in front of you "Its self made. i`m kinda proud. We will kill this delicios thing this evening. What do you think?"

Just looking at the food made you feel sick again "Um.....yeah thats....great. It looks delicious"

Your friend put her hand on your forehead "Y/N. You look kinda pale."

"Yeah...I dont feel so well....its been this way for half a week now. I can barely eat something and I feel dizzy at times and just....weird. Like...I dont know my body and mind feel funny and....I dont know....I havent slept for days..." you started crying.

"Ohhh noooo why are you crying? Is there anything going on with Arthur you wouldnt tell me?"

You wiped a tear away "No. No really. He is fine. I`m just very sensitive these days. I`m not sure why.... maybe it was all to much with the others not respecting Arthur as my boyfriend. ...I dont know....Just stressed out emotionally I think.. But I will be fine."

Your friend told you  that you didnt have to eat anything if you dont feel like it, but two hours later you decited to give it a try and grabbed a piece of her selfmade pizza. After one slice you felt so bad you coudlnt hide it from your bestie anymore "Oh my god. I think I gotta go to the bathroom" you hurried up and closed the door behind you.

"Y/N? Are you okay in there?"

"Yeah....kinda....just...I`m just sick to the stomach. I think I catched the flu or something. maybe its better for me to go home. I dont want you to get infected."

Ten minutes later you got back into the living room again. She waited for you with a big grin on her face. Why would she make fun of you feeling sick?

"Feeling better?" the grin still lingering on your lips. It kinda hurt you to see her reaction.

"No. I think I`m gonna go home. I think I have to rest until I see Arthur again on Monday.  I dont want to cancel our date. He is looking forward to it. I`m sorry thatI ruined our weekend before it even started...."

She giggled.

"Why are you laughing? Cant you see I`m feeling like shit?"

She pointed at the empty place beside her "Si down Y/N. And calm down for a second. I dont think that you`re ill at all. You feel sick to the stomach, dizzy and emotionally sensitive.....Think about what it might be."

"I dont know what you are talking about!" you yelled

"Oh I see, currently very emotional with your  reactions."

"Yeah go ahead making fun of me" you replied with a dissappointed look on your face.

"Y/N. You and Arthur I mean....you want to stay together right?"

"Of course we do!"

"You love each other to death?"

"Yeah!"

She clapped her hands "So I think Monday will be even more special when he hears the news!"

"Which news?" you still didnt understood what she was all about.

"Y/N. My dear, you might be pregnant with Arthur`s child!"

The very second you heard her saying this your heart just stopped. You tried to think about the symptoms  but all you could think about was Arthur and how he would react if this was really true. You rubbed your dimples, tried to remember how one of your friends felt like when she got pregnant.  It really could be it.

"Oh my god..." you whispered.

"YES great news. I mean....if you really are this would be great news for you, right? Hopefully...I mean...did you talked about that? You and Arthur?"

Concentrating was hard "We did....I mean....a while ago he told me how much he loves kids and that he always wanted to have a family and .....I mean look at him when he is with kids. he would be a great dad. I know he would. "

"And how do YOU feel about it?" she asked.

"I...I`m not sure....I mean...I want to spent the rest of my life with him and...the thought of being a parent is stil kinda scare, isnt it? But...yeah I think I really want to have a kid with Arthur. He is the only man who ever made me feel this way. Its just overwhelming right now. The thought that it might happen NOW. But yeah...I would be happy about it for sure. " you started to cry. Your best friend hugged you tight "Shhhhhtt . Eighter way it will be good. What do you think about going to the pharmacy and get a test right now? So you dont have to ask yourself that question all day?"

You nodded. Knowing would help. You just had to know if your friend was right.

An hour later you couldnt stop your hands from shaking as you got back to your friends apartment. The pregnancy test in your hand felt surreal. You never did such a test before, so you sat down with her to read everything through.

"Are you ready?" she asked you.

You werent sure. How could anyone ever be ready for something like that? Deep down you knew that there was nothing to be afraid of. The more you thought about it, the more you wanted the test to turn out positive. You just felt deep in your heart that Arthur would be happy,too. There was only a slight chance that he would be too overwhelmed and scared. But then again, who wouldnt be?

"No. I`m not ready" you smiled while you said it out loud.

"But you are smiling! Thats a good thing. Take your time. We can do this tonight if you want."

You got up and headed to the bathroom "No. No. I really want to know now.  So I will have more time to think about how I will tell Arthur on Monday."

"Ha! You`re already talking like you are pregnant. I like that" her face lighted up.

And you realized that this was true. Somehow you suddenly felt like you already knew. Like everything was coming together. You imagined Arthur holding your baby for the first time. Imagined his big puppy eyes while trying to make his kid laugh. You already felt the love he was radiating as a dad. Your eyes started watering when you closed the door behind you. You followed the discriptions of the test and waited.

It wasnt long but it felt like a lifetime.

So many scenarios went through your head. Any possible reaction from Arthur. You checked the watch. It was time to take a look at the result. Your heart was beating fast. You didnt even knew how much you wanted a kid with him until now. You hoped for the test to be positive. So much it would even hurt you if it was not the case. This morning you didnt even thought of being a parent and suddenly it was all you could think about. Arthur as a dad. Arthur as the father of your child. What a wonderful life it would be! Not easy, but wonderful and worth living for.

Your shaky hand grabbed the test with eyes closed. One deep breath in. And another.

Okay.

Now.

Now you will know.

Postive. The test was positive. Arthur and you would be parents soon!

You wished for him to be here with you right now. A brief moment you felt regret for not making the test when he was there with you but anyway, you would make sure to surprise him in the sweetest way!

"Ohhh my god, you were right!" you screamed as you got out of teh bathroom "You were right!!!!"

Your friend ran towards you and held you tight "I knew. I just knew. I am so happy for you. Are you happy? You are feeling good, right? Oh my god!"

"Yeah, I...I am happy. So much happier than I thought I would be. I cant wait to tell Arthur the day after tomorrow. God, I dont even know if I can wait until then. But I have to because....I want the surprise to be perfect. And I gotta figure out how I will tell him the news!"

"You`re going to be a great mum Y/N. I just know. And Arthur is going to be the funniest daddy ever!"

You sat down on teh couch, dizzy but happy at heart "Wow,thats just...a lot to think about!"

Your friend told you to rest and made you a cup of tea to calm your stomach.  You realized that life would never be the same again after the kid would be born. But you wanted it. You wanted it all. With him. And him only.

It was so hard to no tell Arthur when he called you the next day. But you wanted to see his face when you told him. You wanted to feel his arms around you and this wasnt possible through the phone, so you waited for Monday evening.

You made sure that you arrived earlier than he would and put the pregnancy test into an envelope, so he would find it as soon as he checked the box for letters. He always did because his mum was waiting on a letter from Thomas Wayne for months now. Standing in the hallway was torture. You checked your watch at least twenty times until he finally arrived. Arthur was still wearing his clown make up. He carried his green wig and clown shoes in his big bag, looking tired. "Ohhhh honey. I`m so glad to be home. It was a long day at HaHas.  There was a kids birthday. I danced for at least three hours. But it was worth it. You should have seen the little boys face! God. I love making kids happy.....Y/N? Are you okay?"

"Arthur!" you jumped into his arms and felt him with all your senses.  "Yes I`m fine. Just so.....good to see you again and I missed you so much!"

A real smile was visible underneath his big, red fake smile "I`m happy to have you in my arms again,too. I missed you the moment you walked out of the elevator two days ago!"

Arhur grabbed his keys to open the letter box. That was the moment. In less than a minute he would know.

"A letter!" he mumbled "Maybe my mum finally gets what she was waiting for ."  He checked the envelope. "Wait....It says For Arthur....there is no stamp and....this is...your handwriting...?" he looked at you. The confused frown on his face made you want to kiss him so bad.

"Open it, darlin. please!"

Arthurs fingers felt that there was something in it.

"Darling, its not even my birthday." he joked "Did you got me a present?" he reached for what was in there and pulled it out.

Arthurs face froze for a moment. No reaction. Just him staring at the test and the little note that said "Soon we`re going to be a family! "

For a second your heart seemed to stop. Why didnt he say anything? Why wasnt he even moving? Was it bad news for him?

The envelope fell down to his feet as he covered his face with his hands. He was crying.

"A-Arthur? Darling?" you took a step closer to him. And another. Until you were able to put your arm around him. His tiney body was shaking.

"Arthur....please say something.

Seeing him cry now was torture. You were looking forward to this moment until you saw the test result and now he was crying in silence. He didnt even looked at you. His beautiful hands just covered his face while he was sobbing like a little boy.

"Oh Arthur, I thought....I really thought this would make you happy,too?!"

Arthur uncovered his face. His puffy eyes glanced at you with love "Are you kidding me Y/N? Of course I am happy. I was never happier in my whole life! Oh my god. I am....I never felt this way before. We are going to be a family! This is all I ever wanted in life. Thank you for making my dream come true!" Arthur fell into your arms. His head resting on your shouders  as tears of happiness ran down his face.

Now you started crying too.

"Oh god, I`m so glad. So reliefed. You`re going to be the best daddy ever. I love you so much, Artie! So incredibly much."

Arthur kissed you softly on the lips. Traces of his clown make up covered the corner of your mouth.

"You know what? Tomorrow I`m taking a day off and we`ll have a beautiful picnic in the park. Just the two of us. Out on a date to celebrate this! And when we`re back home, I´m going to tell my mum!"

You smiled "Your mum didnt even knew you had a girlfriend. She will be shocked."

"So what? Its our life! And our desicion. We will be looking for a new home anyway."

"Yeah" you wiped a curl out of his face.

"C`mon, honey, lets get in and relax for the night."

Arthur took you by the hand and soon you found yourself all cuddled up on the couch. Arthur on your side. Skin on skin. His breath behind your ear. His hand caressing your belly.

"So you think its going to be a boy or a girl?" he asked you while his fingers gently moved in circles. He lit some candles to make it even cozier for you.

"I dont know" you whispered "I would love a son who looks just like his father."

Arthurs hand on your tummy felt so calming. Like a charm that made your child feel loved.

"And I would love a daughter who is just as precious as her mother."

You smiled.

"I promise I will try my best to be a good dad. I will make our kid laugh as often as possible and teach him or her how to do magic tricks and I´ll dance to make the child feel better. I will try anything. to be.....good enough! I`m gonna take good care of our baby."

"I know you are going to be amazing. Who wouldnt love to have a funny clown as a father?"

Arthur leaned in to kiss you "I promise you, I will find a job as a stand up comedian so we can afford much more than now. I`m gonna make it work. "

"I know we will Arthur. The two....no. The three of us together."

Arthur pulled you even closer to his chest. The warmth of his body lulled you in as you drifted away into sleep. The last thing you`ve heard before your eyes closed was Arthur whispering "Sleep tight, little angel" while he placed his lips on your belly to kiss your child good night.

[fanfoolishness]

on Steven’s humanity

With Steven Universe: Future sooo close, I think it’s going to focus quite heavily on Steven’s humanity, specifically his disconnection from it, which has been growing for the past several years.  It’s something he’s been losing touch on for a long time.

When we first meet Steven in season 1, he knows he’s a Gem, but he doesn’t feel like one. He wants to be.  He wants so badly to be as good as his mother and accepted by the Crystal Gems.  When there’s a chance that there isn’t, that he’s only ever going to be a human, he cries and panics.  Connie tries to reassure him that being a human isn’t so bad, but he’s still scared of the idea.

As Steven starts to grow up and discover more of his Gem powers and heritage, he still maintains a strong tie to Greg, Connie, and Beach City in general, but he also starts to think of himself as separate.  Again, Connie saves him from this line of thinking, but it’s worrisome that he developed it at all.

He has real concerns about how human he can possibly be... and so do the most important humans in his life, wondering if he’s going to grow and change the way humans do.  What happens when Connie grows up to be President?  Is Steven going to be First Boy???

I think Steven starts to feel some of this disconnect, even if he’s not fully aware of it.  When I first saw Gem Harvest, I thought it was strange that Steven was so frantic to include Andy DeMayo in his family.  He already has such a wonderful family with Greg and the Gems!  But this happens:

Steven:  Andy! I love that we both eat cake! Andy:    What?!? Steven:  And you have that cool hat! And you know how to peel potatoes! And you need a plane to fly! I love the Gems, but I'm a human too! I never had a chance to know that part of my family! But now I do. Andy, I want to be your family! Isn't that why you came back?

Why was he so desperate to include this rather curmudgeonly uncle?

By this point Steven had already started feeling disconnected from his human heritage, between the persistent battles with people determined to believe he was his mother, the development of his powers, the fears about not growing normally, and the close relationships he had forged with the Gems.  The above dialogue shows a kid starving to know part of himself, to remember that human side, to shore up connections to humanity to counterbalance the weight of his life as a Gem.

But by the end of Season 4, Steven’s giving himself up to Homeworld as Rose Quartz. He doesn’t even bother pointing out to the Diamonds that he’s got a human body and so couldn’t possibly be Rose. He feels like as a Gem he has to solve problems like one, too.

Season 5 continues the focus on his Gem life relentlessly.  He’s still trying to maintain his human life, and initially he seems to be a member of the band with Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny before Sadie joins.  But in the Harmony comic, after Gem craziness keeps happening during every band practice, Steven has to quit. He’s remarkably upbeat about it (per usual) given that much of the comic showed him upset about having to miss practice, and frantically sending in Gems to take his place during practice sessions.

And then we all know what happens after A Single Pale Rose -- the struggles with his identity as Steven, as Rose Quartz, as Pink Diamond.  Steven finally learns irrefutably that he’s Steven, and it’s such a relief --

But who is Steven?  Does he really know, yet?  Of course not!  He’s becoming a teenager, that’s the WORST time to know yourself!

In the movie, Steven is thrilled to finally have control over his powers and finally be accepted as a Gem in his own right.  The Diamonds are referring to him as Steven, the war is over, things are going to be okay.  Until Spinel hits him with her rejuvenator to take out his Gem abilities, and sics her injector on him to destroy “his human half.”  

He takes her words, and he runs with them, using the phrase “my human half” multiple times, always thinking of it as secondary to his Gem powers.  It’s a mindset that sticks with him through the entire movie.  He’s so focused on trying to restore his Gem powers that he forgets he’s human unless he’s actively getting hurt by poison.  It takes him dangling over a terrible height facing certain death to finally remember what humans do -- they grow, they change -- and that that applies to him.

But we know Steven.  Some lessons don’t get learned right away.  He tried to abandon Connie in Full Disclosure and did it again in I Am My Mom.  He’s seen the Gems all struggle with the same problem many different ways and different times.  This isn’t something he’s going to get through without difficulty.  And being a human teenager is already full of some of the most terrible struggles in a person’s life -- discovering who they actually are.

So no matter what happens in Steven Universe: Future, whether it’s suppressed rage finally making its way to the surface, or wormy boi, or mental illness, I think a huge part of the solution is going to be this: reminding Steven that even though he’s physically half human, half Gem, he still has all the full powers conferred by his Gem.  

Therefore, he still has all the soul of a full human.

[booksinsteadofdrugs]

my thoughts on captain america: civil war (2016)

wow i haven't watched this movie in a while everyone looks so different

okay yeah, start the movie with bucky being tortured why not, it's not like i feel bad enough for him already

seb... babe i love you but who made you say отвечач instead of отвечать (okay okay, i'm just joking i know it's a small pronouncation mistake)

steve&nat teaching wanda how to watch her back during a mission is so cute (also wow, my queen has come a long way since this movie)

"he's cute go on pet him" SAM STOP PQJDOWBDIW

i feel like rumlow could've been used more in these movies why did they just kill him off like that

"who's the homeless person on the couch" i love howard

"if that's true you'll be a great man someday" and he did become a great man howard, he did, indeed

tony feels guilty about sokovia, wanda feels guilty about lagos and bucky feels guilty about his past. give them a break marvel

zemo switching into his own accent as soon as he got the hydra agent tied up lmao

"compromise where you can, and where you can't, don't. even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. even when the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree and say no. you move." sharon believed that with her whole heart and look what they did to her now I'M MAD

"staying together is more important than how we stay together" and she gave her life for them at the end no matter how much she didn't want to go

THE KING HAS ARRIVED (we miss you chadwick)

''we have orders to shoot on sight" meanwhile bucky: oooh lemme get some plums

ok so caramel chocolate bars are bucky's favourite, that's good to know

awww bucky couldn't even control his strength in this movie (throwing people off the stairs, hitting them with bricks, punching the shit out of them) and now he is barely even using his metal arm bc he's scared of killing people AWW MY BABY

i swear to god if sam wasn't there to save these two's asses all the time *eye roll*

oOOHHH THE CHASING SCENE WAS SO GOOD

when bucky grabbed that motorcycle we all felt something right?

i remembered how much it broke my heart when rhodey said "congratulations sam, you're a criminal"

vision cooking for wanda is still the cutest thing in this movie

"so you like cats" SAM

the fact that they were so scared of bucky that they had to put him in an extremely protected capsule thing... THE POWER HE HOLDS

"pregnant?" "uh, definitely not" and a few years later we see morgan wearing her mother's helmet WHY AM I MAKING MYSELF CRY

i love how steve was actually about to sign the accords until tony mentioned wanda

i forgot how much i wanted to punch zemo in this movie, he was literally so desperate to find bucky that he had to turn 7 billion people against him

"let's talk about your home, not romania, certainly not brooklyn no" well, we have some news for you zemo

the look on bucky's face when he sees the notebook and how he immediately starts screaming after hearing "рассвет" hurts my soul

BUCKYNAT BUCKYNAT BUCKYNAT

sebastian looked so ripped in this movie holy moly

wtf he really is like a death machine he could've easily killed steve in that helicopter scene

OH I FORGOT THIS WAS TOM'S FIRST APPEARANCE IN THE MCU WTF

"it's so hard for me to believe she is someone's aunt", "we come in all shapes and sizes you know" AUNT MAY I ADORE YOU

"i retire for like what 5 minutes and it all goes to shit" well he's not wrong

"move or you will be moved" ayo always steals the show with one line (tfaws spoilers guess?)

the scene that started it all guys "can you move your seat up" "no"

"thinks for thanking of me" SCOTT LANG IS A TREASURE ALRIGHT

"suit up" YEAH AND DON'T THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES SHARON WILL PAY FOR BRINGING YOUR TOYS

when the craziest thing happened in the mcu was spidey joining the avengers ah good old times

the airport fight was sooo good omg

i love t'challa is just like ''just lemme kill barnes i don't care about your white nonsense"

"i didn't kill your father" "then why did you run?" UHMMM I DON'T KNOW SIR MAYBE BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS TRYING TO CHOKE HIM BEFORE HE HAS A CHANCE TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF??

scott's "hohoho" will never not be funny for me

this movie got me so hyped up for a possible buckynat storyline dude i'm still mad, they had such potential

peter getting scared of tony approaching him shows how hard their job actually is i feel so bad for them

vision accidentally shooting rhodey OH MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS

and wtf did sam do tony for fucks sake

zemo calling the hotel from moscow so they can find the body in the bathtub lsndjsbdjs he's such a diva

avengers getting treated like criminals is still pissing me the fuck off

"you better go get a bad cop cause you're gonna have to go mark furhman on my ass to get information out of me" OKAY MY FAV SAM WILSON LINE

zemo killing all the winter soldiers instead of waking them up is a great way to show his ideology actually

"there's a bit of green in the blue of your eyes" well that sounds poetic

i don't know which is worse: seeing tony watching his mom killed, or the amount of guilt bucky must've felt in that moment, or the way tony managed to keep his cool until he realized steve acted like he didn't know the entire time AGH IT HURTS

"i remember all of them" and that look on his face SEBASTIAN STOP

the fight between steve&tony&bucky was actually one of the best scenes in the mcu in my opinion, especially when bucky's arm gets destroyed (seriously tho, watching the way he pushes tony into the wall, trying to rip off the arc reactor with his metal arm and the fury in his eyes agh i love this scene)

aww zemo deleting the voice message of his wife before attempting to kill himself broke my heart

i remember crying in the cinema watching steve and tony beat the shit out of each other... my friend who's never seen any of the mcu movies before was looking at me like i was an alien

bucky still trying to protect steve by gripping tony's foot i- HE LOVES STEVE SO MUCH

oh when tony lifted his hand to protect his face with that terried look, he thought steve was gonna finish him

i!!! wanna!!! die!!!

"are you tony stank?" stan lee we miss you, you beautiful man♡

"i've been on my own since i was 18" having multiple illnesses, and probably mental ones as well, steve only had bucky on his side. he was the only one who always got his back, making sure he was okay, always protecting him. so he knew he had to do the same. bucky was the best friend he ever had.

soo, this gave me enough trauma for today. i think i'm gonna go cry until the next episode of tfaws.