#*head in hands* they keep me up at night | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

undercovercannibal · 1 year

Text

Will Graham in Hannibal S1E11 "Rôti" and S3E03 "Secondo"

1K notes · View notes

oatbugs · 4 months

Text

my research partner and i are huddled in a blanket in paddington waiting for a too-late train i already miss you and you and you

#he keeps falling asleep almost on my shoulder and waking up and readjusting but i want to tell him its ok weve seen a lot #of each other ive seen your brainwaves you called me crying a few nights ago. research partner right now is a potentiality #friend is a certainty. i met a banker passionate about finance. he said his advice made the lives of others better and he likes the numbers #more than he likes anything else. on a high rise near canary wharf the view was wonderful and the people even moreso #he said i loved her but i spent 33 grand on her and i cant do this anymore. his voice cracked talking about her. he did love her.#and she talked softly she grabbed my hand she bought me a pack of Marlborough gold she told me to snap #the russian menthol cigarettes of the tortured polish man near us with my teeth i kept staring at her teeth #bright white and sharp. i couldnt find her heartbeat but i did find warmth and i did find her lips and i did feel #how she felt pressed against a wall. a pretty boy held my hand and i gave him my number. i couldnt stop smiling about her no matter #how many runways youve walked on how many collections youve designed how many students youve taught. senior lecturer teaches me how to do #very unethical things ethically over a double shot of vodka made by the half-persian with broken farsi. she talks softly #and she says her eyes are hazel but they appear a shade of red. pure gold on her hands and leather on her back and her fingers on my lips #(she talks softly sees through me she says something i cant hear but i wont forget the way she flies) she talked to my research partner #about the possibility of moving to sunny dubai with the rest of her family and my heart felt pierced. on her arm i traces a tattoo of a #knife passing through a rose. she told me she thought there was romance in severing so i kissed her some more.#he sat me down and asked me what i loved and i told him and he said no romance no person no tragedy will take that from you.#the room was filled with a collection of people in love with something that wasnt a person and i kept looking at her.#red eyes bitten jawline beautiful hands. it is 3 degrees Celsius my head is on his shoulder i miss my friends #we walked out the lecture hall with arms linked a photo of two years ago and we both said #jesus christ. i miss you all. and i miss logic metatheory lectures. im glad i get to stare at the depth of your eyes #i wish i had met you years ago.#crushposting

41 notes · View notes

theweirdhybrid · 6 months

Text

Can someone shoot me with a tranq dart strong enough to knock an elephant on its ass because it's 3am and I've been thinking about my own fic about Ace for the past two hours and if I don't stop I'm going to cry again over how I had Sabo and Ace meet for the first time as kids and how I tied that into them meeting again later as adults okay. do you understand. do you understand me. it's a canon-compliant fic. that means that even though they met as adults Ace still died. are you picking up what I am putting down. ARE YOU. because my brain will not stop thinking about it. I'm going to go insane. I am going to go INSANE over Ace's pov of their meeting as adults. someone needs to sedate me right now or I am not going to be able to SHUT UP ABOUT THIS FUCKING FIC THAT ISN'T EVEN FULLY DRAFTED YET

#one piece #asl brothers #GOOOOODDDDDDDD #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGHHHHHHH #o(-(#head in hands #this fic is genuinely keeping me up at night #this is what it means to be neurodivergent #hhhhhhhh #there's just so much layered in canon ace meeting a sabo that doesn't remember him and giving him a piece of his vivre card anyway #in the hopes that even though their original bond is gone they can build a new one despite everything because they have time right?#... right?

9 notes · View notes

doctorweebmd · 1 month

Text

someone pointed out something I did the other day that I didn’t really notice I do and then I was like….. yeah why do I do that and turns out it’s stimming. And apparently I do it. A lot.

#discovering behaviors that you’ve been doing your whole life that people found weird and annoying is stimming is fun!#… haha. ha.#person at work last night: is your shoulder feeling ok? I saw you kind of holding it #me who is constantly putting my left hand on my right shoulder: uhhhhhh…. no. I don’t know why I do that #me googling it about 30 mins laters: 🧍‍♀️#I mean on the one hand it’s nice that they’re adhd behaviors rather than like…. moral deficiencies I guess #but now I can’t unsee it #it’s an innocuous behavior that is going to make me super self conscious now #I’ve seen… very few (I can think of 2 on the top of my head) docs that I know or work with #that I’ve seen do stuff like this. but they’re both men and they’re both clearly hyperactive adhd #maybe other people are medicated or just better at masking #it’s nice to have a nice to a lot of the struggles of my entire life honestly #but it’s not like it makes it not a struggle or makes people mroe sympathetic #like my husband has the classic hyperactive adhd #and my forgetfulness and messiness drives him absolutely crazy #but his hyperactivity and emotional volatility drives ME crazy #and telling my mother about the diagnosis and what it means and she’s like #’oh I totally have that too!’ yeah maybe you do #but see it was YOU that told me I was a bad person for forgetting things #and YOU that said I was lazy and a slob for having difficulty keeping things organized #and YOU that would smack my hands when I’d pick at my nails and tell me it’s a disgusting hav #and YOU that STILL tells people that your physician daughter ‘gives up on everything!’#…….. do I have some bitterness to work out maybe #🤔#what was this about?#oh yeah anyway. I hope people don’t notice I do this shit #and if they do they don’t know what it means #….uh.#personal?

4 notes · View notes

cuteniaarts · 4 months

Text

First posted piece of 2024 featuring Ghazan’s older sister Haya, take 2!!

#a.k.a the og version was bothering me so I completely redrew her eyes and added more shadows to make her facial features more pronounced #gonna just copy over my og tags bc I can’t be bothered to come up with new ones #my art #artists on tumblr #the legend of korra #original character #seeds of the red lotus #sotrl haya #god... like on one hand yes. she's an awful person. she abused her brother's kids for 16 years #left lasting mental and emotional scars on them to the point that even years after they last see her they're still recovering #even after all the bruises have healed her voice is still in their heads. fear of her still dictates so many of their actions #someone like her doesn't deserve any amount of sympathy. nor after everything she's done #but on the other... the person who did all that is haya in her 30s and 40s. here she's just 14 #she just had her whole world shattered in a matter of weeks. she's left with nothing and no one but an empty house and her 5yo brother #she has no one to turn to. no shoulder to cry on. apart from losing her parents she had to quit school and stop hanging out with her friend #sh ehad to abandon any hobbies she might have had. I imagine she was quite like suiren and midori used to be. curious and intelligent #and very keen on trying new things. she had to leave all that behind to work day and night while earning only barely enough to scrape by on #just enough for them to survive. to keep the house. to be clothed and fed. there was no room for treats or luxuries of any kind #how many dresses did she cut up to use as material for ghazan's clothes? how many nights did she go hungry just so he could eat?#and she can't even cry about it. not while he's around anyway because she's supposed to be strong for him.#I imagine she often cried after putting ghazan to bed. just out of sheer helplessness. from how exhausted she was #she cried herself to sleep every night and pulled herself back together every morning #tied her hair back with her mother's kerchief and went straight to work anywhere that would hire her. working until she could barely stand #all for him. I'm not excusing her actions in any way but I understand why she was overcome with resentment after he left her #running away without as much as a goodbye. after everything she had done for him. spitting in her face would have hurt less #so when he resurfaced over a decade later to dump his bastard children on her it didn't take long for all that resentment to find an outlet #and the rest is history... fuck. thinking about her teenage and ya self always makes me cry. she was so much like suiren it's heartbreaking #well. the only reason suiren is like this now is bc of her. but yk what they say. the history book on the shelf is always repeating itself #anyway. I'm really glad I took the time to redraw this. I'm so much happier with it now. she actually looks like a young girl now #this really hits different considering that I straight up killed her in my latest au... granted she was in her 40s there. but still

2 notes · View notes

cetoddle-archive · 11 months

Text

i'm getting emotional just ignore me tbh

#i was rlly sad last night cause like #things are scary and i am so so scared #and i can't help but think how much easier it would be if i didn't have to keep doing everything alone #sure i have a couple friends online who can try and cheer me up and offer advice and support and stuff #but. u know.#no one's here #i don't have anyone to hold my hand or gently pat my head or take me out for ice cream when i'm so so sad and so so scared #no one to just sit with and talk with and enjoy their presence #i am always alone and it's eating me alive from the inside out #that's all #.......#but i also know that i can't stay here #there's nothing left for me here #and i don't know where the things i need are waiting #but staying here and wallowing won't help #and i have to keep being brave and even if that means doing scary things all by myself for a while longer #i just hope that i'm making the right decisions and that things will work out #and maybe eventually i'll find myself somewhere #where i don't feel quite as alone all the time..#u know #universe please hold my hand when no one else will #i'm scared #:(#i know i sound so dramatic but. i can't help it ;-;#snow.txt

7 notes · View notes

lovely-letters-for-ed · 8 months

Text

There was so much to absorb from eps 6 & 7 that I could only manage about 4 hours of sleep last night, before waking up and watching them again before the sunrise.

#I'm really glad I forgot to watch the teaser last night because seeing it this morning before work has got me all kinds of fucked up #like i keep replaying Ed raising his hand with the green ring on his wedding finger covered in blood over and over in my head #i think about it too much i begin vibrating #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2

4 notes · View notes

unproduciblesmackdown · 2 years

Photo

don’t forget the reason for the season (would you kiss your clone? yes. and you’re mr. maccabee)

#he's the sexiest person in the room after all #GOD lmfao i'm so head in hands that there's no footage of Will Roland Mr. Maccabee. but there Are all these pictures so thank god for that #or also steph b/c she took a lot (or all re: this source) of them lol. godspeed #the reason for the season is also idk whatever wroles there've been in these things. many #obviously cyril von miserthorpe; the last christmas extravaganza antagonist. Merely Assumed ragamuffin role uhh i think it was something v #much like melvin cooterstein lol. uncle peenie. mr. chestnut. that folger's opening guy they keep saying they'll have to Tell The Story Of #and i don't know that anyone actually has yet lmfao. is that a sequence / bit not found in later iterations such as that there's a tale....#or was there something especially zany abt that particular one lol. i hardly know All The Lore abt All Sequences and things change / evolve #for example. are there always two mister maccabees and then they kiss???#god. imagine having to cope with that and you're that guy whose heterosexuality was so threatened by mr. maccabee's sexy number that he like #suddenly became extremely preoccupied with looking at Anything Else right up until the next step in the proceedings lol #and isn't there always? usually? a number with mary's sexy men backup dancers. f for that guy again #i would be looking directly at it and getting rowdy if the above image was unfolding before me #joe iconis christmas extravaganza #will roland #shoutout to his talking about mr. maccabee in that recent interview as well; connected to jimmy armstrong. a surprising reference lol #also shoutout to will roland's mother attending these events and in twenty nineteen (the year of cyril von miserthorpe) that was indirectly #the only way we knew will as winston would be in billions season 5 at all. your boy is coy #a delightful little moment when she cameos in the uncle peenie (will roland) and aunt loretta (danielle gimbal) performance lol =)#also naturally some further chaos in that i think often ppl would not necessarily play the same roles every night of an xmas xtrav streak...#just to add to the mystery and presumed wealth of [this person as whomever]s out there. argggh the magic of will roland mr maccabee....#don't cry b/c there's no audio motion visuals....smile b/c it happened and pictures were taken and posted findably....#also learned while offline like what tf. i would've thought i'd've saved the mr. chestnut video already lol. it escaped me...f for Me

21 notes · View notes

siena-sevenwits · 1 year

Text

.

#Maybe 84 Charing Cross Road had too strong an effect on me. As I turn my head this way and that #trying to figure out what I shall do with myself when the semester is over and ties are cut with the school I've been teaching for this pas #decade #it occurs to me that I might go - hat in hand as it were - to the old bookseller who runs my favourite used bookstore of all time.#The shop has the most wonderfully curated selection. The first time I walked in there #having been used to the used book section in value village #I almost had my breath taken away #I have to be careful not to go there too often because I am weak for spending money on books #but every Christmas I go and buy a ton as presents and usually something for myself #and I ask the owner if I can start a stack on his counter while I shop and he is always happy and comments on my finds as I bring them #He is kind and conversational on those occasions #My mom once struck up a long conversation with him when we were there together #and learned how he has owned that shop forty years or so and does not have an assistant because he's always managed on his own #And last night as I tried to fall asleep I got ridiculously ahead of myself and imagined the possibilities of employment there in #the detail of a novel without much regard for the probable realities - the realities that he has given no sign of wanting to hire and #having gone so far without an assistant probably doesn't want one #that there would be sides to the job which would likely be dreary #and that as with any job there would be all kinds of difficulties #BUT I often need these romantic imaginings to spur me on to take any kind of action. So - this might be silly - but I am thinking of doing #things the old fashioned way - of going round to the shop rather than emailing him - and asking if there is any chance that there might #be opportunities for work. It will likely all come to nothing and I'll keep looking #but I'll at least make a memory of having tried.

8 notes · View notes

funfactory-moved · 2 years

Text

they gave me a setlist last night btw <3

#bella.txt #my head hurts so bad and i can’t talk bc my throat is fucked and my body hurts #but holy shit that was maybe the best night ever of my life #twice we had damon standing on top of the barrier literally right where we were 😭😭 the crowd got pushy and uncomfy but it was still cool #he grabbed my hand while he was up there once djsjsf i hope he saw my tattoo #AND LET ME EXPLAIN THE SETLIST THING OK SO LIKE #they handed out two of these smaller folded setlists and a few guitar pics and one bigger setlist i think #and for everything they handed out they were like waiting for ppl to be like ooh me me give it to me #but for the setlist i got i literally wasn’t even paying attention like the guy just walked up and put it in my hand and i was like ???!!!!!#and then i ugly cried HFJDJSJSG #i guess i was like. being more batshit in the pit than i thought #but literally. girl i kid u not i think i sang every single word #i was sooo dehydrated by the end though like #sweetie irie was doing those ‘make some noise’ things to keep the crowd hyped and every time i yelled/screamed my head felt like it was-#gonna pop like a balloon fjfjdjsg #it was so fun though i literally feel like i have a golden light emitting from my whole body rn. just straight from my soul

15 notes · View notes

ithoughtitwaspronouncedgeralt · 2 years

Text

Having some yenfri thoughts...

#this is nowhere near cohesive enough to write out but I'm just going to vent fractions of thoughts #first: the power struggle bc they both tend to lean more dom BUT they both also enjoy fighting for control #like it's very normal for them to have lots of dynamic shifts during their foreplay ex. the one being more physically restricted (held down #/ laid on / being carried or held in place / etc etc) deciding nah they want a turn in charge and adjusting their positions as they see fit #and sometimes if one of them is particularly needing the other to be gentle they'll give in easily and make it clear they want to be taken #care of and guided #can also definitely see either but especially renfri keeping the physical position of less control but taking charge through actions #ex. unexpected biting or teasing by holding back etc etc #also: this paricular bit is seared into my mind so allow me to share #yenfri pillowfort night w lots of blankets and pillows #heavy makeout session ensues things are heating up and whatnot #maybe earlier in the day yen was teasing renfri about her not having smooth moves or something #anyway the part that's seared in my head is: all in one continuous motion renfri grabbing the blanket yen is sitting on while tossing a #spare pillow behind yen then renfri yanking the blanket towards her causing yen to fall back AND as she's falling renfi leans forward and #catches herself with the hand used to toss the pillow with her face inches from yen's #can you imagine the shocked (and incredibly turned on) look on yen's face and the (fucking devastating) smirk renfri would throw her?!!!#'what's that about me not being smooth?' or some other snide comment #like... save me from my own thoughts (but also don't) anyway i love them #idk how to even tag this??#yenfri #posted

15 notes · View notes

dirt-str1der · 1 year

Text

This is gonna keep me up at night i cannot believe that people dont like saejima like i didnt even reallse this was going on i was too caught up in the bliss of finally having a protagonist with bigger titties than kiryu and constantly wears an expression that looks like hes attending a funeral. Like i didnt even see the y4 scene as saejima it was so uncomfortable and felt so .. shoehorned in. Like theres nothing about saejima that ever made a callback to that scene ever again, it came out of fucking nowhere and then its revealed later on that saejima adores kids his childhood dream was to become a kindergarden teacher he loved his little sister like crazy and if they truly wanted saejima to pin haruka so badly they could have made it because he looked at her and saw yasuko and didnt want to look away. Saejima Was and Should Be portrayed as wild and desperate during that scene but not because of ??? Lust ??? Suddenly being overcome by female pheromones ??? Its because he was so scared and cornered and he knows that hes intruding on this perfect little family and its either him or them , and if he doesnt stop haruka now then she’s going to blow the whistle and have her dad come running and then its the end for him, hes going back to jail and theyre going to kill him in there and hes never going to see yasuko or majima or anyone else ever again. If saejima grabs haruka and bowls her over and ends up on top of her , hes not going to start shaking because shes a feeeemale its because he realises that his impulsive tackle has already painted him as dangerous in her mind and shes not gonna want him around anymore and he cant let her go now because shes going to call kiryu and if he wants to escape then he has to shut her up and go for her dad next and he really really doesnt want to have to kill them because they saved him and haruka is staring up at him with gigantic eyes, hes dripping cold sweat and he sees his sister and saejima lets go of her and resigns himself to going back to jail because he cant do it, he cant hurt her. Haruka scrambles to her feet and she saejima expects her to run but she stays in the room with him and neither of them know what to say to each other and Thats when kiryu, whos checked and double checked for any plausible explanation that wouldnt point to saejima being an escaped convict and found none, enters the room from where hed been monitoring the situation with his fists balled up, he unclenches his hands and he pretends like he hadnt seen anything and sends haruka on her way on a chore of little importance so he can have a private chat with saejima and kiryu sits at the entrance of the room, leaving his back open to saejima as they have their introductory speech and saejima is like fuckkk this is the guy i was supposed to look for, gives kiryu the fakest name ever (which kiryu thinks is genius), saejima gets more and more hyped and he concocts his shipwreck story and they end up on the beach as saejimas explaining the ship i worked on crashed and im the only survivor and i need to get to kamurocho pleasee give me money how much could one banana cost ? Ten dollars? And kiryus like Oh man, youve been in prison a long time... he says knows he broke out of prison and saejima realises he still let him see his back so that he knows that kiryu means no harm and as they talk saejima understands why hamazaki was so shaken by his encounter with kiryu , he doesnt know that kiryu approached hamazaki without once considering he had a knife clutched in his fist but he saw kiryu flagrantly leaving his back open to a dangerous criminal not because he thinks that saejima cant hurt him but because he trusts that saejima wont hurt him. Kiryu was giving him a chance to redeem himself, but his stomach sinks when he hears that kiryu will only help him if hes going to turn himself in and he tells him, fucking begs him, because he has no other option, either kiryu gives him the money or he takes it from him and kiryu keeps saying no and saejima is losing it a little he casts aside kiryus camaraderie wait look at this

Anyway he is trying to be as scary as possible in order to shake kiryu down but its not gonna work and they start to circle each other, sizing each other up, and with each step saejimas exhaustion and pain fades away, his limp disappears and his heart starts to race because kiryus not fighting him for the sake of it, this is a test he says, saejima has to prove to him how bad he wants that money. He doesnt have to kill them, kiryus giving him an out here, letting him do what he does best and if its a fight he wants then a fight he will get

#Yakuza loveblog #i was talkinf about this last night and fell asleep halfway theough so i guess it didnt keep me up #but also there are better ways to show that a man has been in prison #kiryu knows that saejima had the option to break harukas face in when he was on top of her but he just shoved himself up and away #kiryu saw the intention in the way saejimas fingers twitched and he had alarm bells clanging in his head that he had to save haruka right #now but something in his gut told him to wait and watch. and he was so relieved when saejima backed away. he can tell that saejima has #killed before but he also knows that saejima doesnt want to kill and he confirms it over and over when he bows his head and begs kiryu to #please hand over the cash so that no one gets hurt. he thinks about akiyama and his tests. kiryu doenst have a club to send saejima to but #he has his fists and saejima will just have to prove his conviction. if he fought his way out of prison then a single man would be noproblem

4 notes · View notes

oatbugs · 2 months

Text

procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally