#*i do have a circle version but I'm not crazy about it since you can't see the top stripes

[blvckquill]

Now I can't be asked to change my header for like three reasons

That requires work to figure out what I'd want it to be

I'm actually quite attached to it bc it's a goofy ass quote I think about often

I'm not the best at editing lol

But I will say that I am quite content with the new icon :3

Flag credit

Note: I'm not the OP of the flag edits. Even though they've deactivated I still find it important to make that distinction so that way nobody gets confused. Like I said, I'm not the best at editing. You can click on the link to see the other flags that were originally part of that post. They're pretty neat and some of my favorite pride flag edits out there.

[ikaroux]

How are they with their pregnant partner? Itto, Heizou, Lyney.

Synopsis: Pregnant, your husband/partner is over the moon. But how would he take care of you during pregnancy?

Style: Cute, fluffy, female reader.

Bonus NSFW (18+) I remind minors to avoid reading this kind of content.

Alert: May contain story spoilers for some characters.

Characters: Itto, Heizou, Lyney.

Note: Wow, it's been so long since I've written NSFW…. I'm a bit rusty.

Then I'll have to do Aether, Neuvillette and Wriothesley, as well as diving back into rewriting the old texts in this series. I'd also like to do Freminet… Let me know if you're interested in other characters.

Since I now have an AO3 account, I decided to rewrite the first versions of this series to post them on it. I hope you'll still enjoy them.

Part 1 Diluc, Zhongli, Kaeya, Xiao, Venti, Albedo, Kazuha, Childe.

Part 2 Scaramouche, Dainsleif, Thomas.

Part 3 Dottore, Pantalone, Alhaitham.

Part 4 Cyno, Ayato.

Part 5 Tighnari.

Part 6 Capitano, Kaveh + Bonus

"Ah?! A ba-baby!?"

Itto's reaction was surely overblown, yet the expression on his face was undoubtedly to die for. Mouth wide open, he stared at you in shock, taking a long moment before pulling himself together.

Bursting into laughter, he wrapped his muscular arms around you. "Ha ha ha! I've got to tell the Arataki gang! They'll be so happy to know that their leader will soon be a father! No, wait! I'll announce it to all of Inazuma! Let's have a big party! OYE! SHINOBU!" You hit him hard on the head, red with shame. 

"I forbid you to tell anyone until you're three months pregnant! Have I made myself clear?!" Your stern tone sent shivers up and down his spine. 

"Ah?! Why not now?" You sighed. You may have loved this man with all your being, but he was still exhausting your nerves.

"There's a high risk of miscarriage during this period, which is why I'm asking you not to talk about it... Please. Please." His expression slowly softened as his gaze dipped into yours. Again, he wrapped his arms around you more gently, tenderly kissing your forehead. 

"Understood, boss." You smiled, lovingly returning his embrace.

Itto's behavior during the pregnancy was so exemplary that the members of his gang, Shinobu first, wondered if he hadn't suddenly fallen on his face. He even went so far as to find "honest" jobs here and there to buy you maternity clothes and furniture for his future bedroom.

Your husband had the ingenious idea of consulting the high priestess Yae Miko for advice on your pregnancy... Peculiar. Itto knew of no demon in his circle who had fathered a child with a human. His instincts warned him of the risks you could run with a half-demon baby. Miko will make sure you're taken care of by a midwife who knows the oni world.

You felt terribly ill during your pregnancy. From beginning to end, your vomiting and discomfort drove Itto crazy with worry. You could see him running around looking for anything that would make you feel better. If you were vomiting, Itto would stay with you, stroking your back until it passed. If you felt dizzy, he'd lift you into his arms and sit you on his lap, rocking you gently until you felt better.

Often, you could see your companion admiring you with a blissful expression. "Why are you looking at me like that?" you'd ask him every time, knowing perfectly well his answer. You loved hearing him repeat the same passionate, loving words to you. "I just think you're beautiful. I can't take my eyes off you. Héhé." Itto always had this little blush on his face when he admired your rounded belly. Really, pregnancy made him much softer and more considerate than usual.

You didn't like people touching your belly just because you were pregnant. And it took you a long time to accept that Itto would do it without you grumbling. Yet it was his childlike smile and the stars in his eyes that gradually made you accept the situation.

Itto would often talk to his baby, telling him how his day was going or stories about the oni clans. You could only listen, rolling your eyes as he combined words with gestures. Even so, you couldn't resist stroking your companion's imposing hair, smiling tenderly as you watched him.

When your belly is rounded enough to be visible even from several meters away, Itto will make a habit of always kissing it, amused by the baby's kicks that would distort your belly. "HAHAHA this child will be big and strong, just like his father!"

It was quite amusing to see your companion preparing for the birth of your child, taking crash courses with a few women from your village. Shinobu was obviously making sure that his boss used the right gestures to calm a child's cries, change its diapers or properly hold its baby in his arms.

As expected, the delivery was difficult. Giving birth to a half-demon child demanded a strength your human body didn't possess. Blood loss made you wince and Itto thought for a moment he was going to lose you both. But you showed exemplary strength, and the support of your companion, as well as that of the high priestess, enabled you to pass this difficult ordeal. Your baby's cries echoed through the room, and Itto wept loudly, clutching your hand to his cheek. His tremors and muffled sobs made you smile tenderly, as happy as he was that all had ended well.

Itto was speechless as he took his child in his arms for the first time. Was this little crying creature his baby? The one he'd seen growing in your belly? HIS child?! He was so tiny, so cute with his little scarlet horns barely visible on the top of his skull. Not quite knowing how to soothe his crying baby, you showed him the right way to rock him and... Surprisingly, Itto was extremely good at it...

Your tender oni is said to be a very protective and cheerful father. He wants his child to always see the world in a positive light. He'll sometimes be a bit too daredevil with him, earning your wrath. Fortunately for you, Itto will calm down over the years…

NSFW Bonus

"POUAH, I'm exhausted!" Itto dropped onto the bed, arms and legs spread wide as he let his heavy eyes close. "The Arataki gang gave it their all again today. Hehe, at least we're not causing Shinobu any more trouble!" Watching him out of the corner of your eye, you smiled slyly, striding towards him with hushed steps. The oni opened his eyes abruptly when he felt you climb astride his hips, your hands sensually massaging his bare chest. You'd always appreciated the firmness of his muscles, taking pleasure in exploring each of his curves to discover the most sensitive places he hid. Leaning over him, letting your chest, slightly swollen with pregnancy hormones, rest against his, you nibbled his lower lip. His eyes, immediately filling with desire, couldn't tear themselves away from yours. You could quickly feel your lover hardening beneath you.

"Do you still have enough strength left to care for your companion in need?" You mumble erotically in his ear, teasing his nipples with your fingertips. "I want it terribly~" Itto lifts his hips to meet yours, one of his hands positioning itself on your waist to rock you onto your back.

"Do you feel that?" His hand crept under your clothes, passing the band of your underwear to caress your femininity. "Héhé~ you're already soaking wet darling~ Is it being pregnant that puts you in the mood?" Without giving you time to respond to his comment, Itto enters two fingers deep inside you, making you cry out in surprise. He knew perfectly well where all your sensitive points were, pressing slyly on them to make you moan loudly. Your body sought to escape the delicious torture he was inflicting, his fingers aggressively penetrating you. "Don't awaken the beast in me if you don't want to writhe in pleasure under my ministrations." Itto was a completely different man when he had sex with you, his usually jovial face transforming into a darker expression as his desires got the better of him.

Pregnant or not, he was never one to go out of his way. Itto knew he was big, too big for you, and foreplay was always a mandatory step before he could implant his sex inside you. "Look at you, darling, your breasts are so big with pregnancy. I want to lick them terribly!" Itto grabbed one of your breasts between his lips, adding a third finger inside you as his free hand groped his pants to pull out his excruciatingly hard member. It was too much for you, and your back arched beneath him, your hips swaying to the rhythm of his fingers. You were so close, and seeing him caress himself while he fingered you made you come hard on his hand. Itto pulled away slightly you, leaning toward the other nipple he hadn't yet teased. "Not yet... Not until you can take four inside you." Damn, that damned demon!

Itto looked thirstier than you, his eyes glowing scarlet as he watched you cum with four of his fingers inside you, just as he'd promised. Sex with him had always been sport, but now that you were pregnant, everything seemed more intense. When he finally penetrated you, that damned demon took a malicious pleasure in watching you from all his height, holding your legs close to his hips as he pounded you rigorously. His eager eyes darted between your face distorted with pleasure, your swollen breasts bouncing with each of his hip thrusts and your slightly rounded belly.

Itto was a man of stamina, far more than anything you could take. So when you begged him to stop, the oni would comply at once, fear settling in his brain. Had he hurt you? Was the baby all right? None of the above... But you were clearly close to fainting. Itto, aware that he'd been a bit hard on you, will take care of your body, immersing you with him in a warm bath, his big hands massaging your shoulders. He won't be frightened to see you asleep in his arms, so, taking advantage of your sleep, your companion will cuddle you tenderly, one hand resting on your belly, lovingly caressing it.

"I'm going to be a dad? Really?"

You smiled tenderly, taking his trembling hands in yours. Heizou's gaze flickered between your eyes and your belly. A baby? You were pregnant?! His mind blurred as a vision of you with a round belly popped into his head. All of a sudden, the word dad sounded pretty good in his head... Kneeling in front of you, Heizou encircled your thighs with his arms, placing a tender ear close to your belly, a joyful smile on his lips. "I'm going to be a daddy... I'm going to be... Daddy!" Slowly, tears rolled down the cheeks of your companion, who had suddenly gone silent. Your hands were lost in his hair, cradling Heizou against you, feeling his tears stain your clothes. You waited patiently for him to calm down before kneeling down in front of him, wrapping your arms around his neck, your forehead resting against his as a gentle smile stretched your lips. Heizou closed his eyes, resting the palms of his hands on your cheeks, his thumbs lovingly caressing your skin. He breathed in your scent slowly, enjoying it more and more each day.

The two of you remained like this for a long moment, enjoying the tender silence that surrounded you. Images of your future life flashed through your minds. Heizou carrying your child in his arms, his gaze tenderly on him until that tenderness was directed at you...

Heizou was nothing but sweetness and tenderness to you. Even before carrying his child, this man never raised his voice at you or refused to take you in his arms. He loved to cuddle you, take care of you and listen to you. Sometimes, he would take you on his lap and listen to you affectionately talk about your future child, imagining your future life with him. You could sometimes see a dreamy smile stretch your companion's lips, as he imagined, just like you, this wonderful life.

Kazuha was a close friend of yours, so he was one of the first to be informed of your pregnancy. What a surprise when he knocked on your door, a gentle smile on his lips, holding your letter in his bandaged hand. "I've asked Beidou to make a little detour to come and see you. Congratulations, both of you." The two men weren't very tactile compared to you, who didn't hesitate to hug him in thanks. "Hehe, expect the title of Uncle Kazuha! What do you think Heizou? Sounds pretty good, doesn't it?"; "Pretty good indeed." Heizou replied, a warm smile on his lips. To tell the truth, Kazuha didn't mind and, in a way, was happy to know that a family would now be waiting for him back in Inazuma.

Your companion's job was a constant source of anxiety for you. The midwife had gently admonished you for this, reminding you that stress during pregnancy could be bad for you and the child. Heizou, who accompanied you that day, bowed respectfully to her, promising to do all he could to calm your anxieties. Obviously, you were feeling terrible as you left the surgery, crying your eyes out in your companion's arms. Heizou comforted you tenderly, murmuring words filled with love. After this episode, he promised you he wouldn't take any more potentially dangerous commissions for the rest of your pregnancy…

For a few weeks, you'd been practicing cooking for your future baby. Heizou was sort of your test subject, trying to create colorful and cute bento. He enjoyed it every time, looking forward to seeing what you had prepared for him. He loved the little octopuses you made with the sausages, or the animal-shaped onigiri. His favorite was surely the pink onigiri that strongly resembled a fox. He was sure you'd tried to imitate Lady Yae Miko in her yokai form.

Heizou was sitting comfortably on your bed, one hand tenderly caressing your scalp while your head rested on his thigh. You could feel his other hand warmly covering your six-month-old belly, occasionally enjoying the little kicks his child gave through you. Heizou's fingers had always had this magical effect on you, weighing down your eyelids as sleep slowly invaded. Heizou was happy to have you in his arms, confident and at peace, pampering and cherishing you. Your breathing was a soothing sound to his ears and the movements of his child against his hand, an affectionate warmth he loved to feel.

"Heizou, promise me you'll stay with me through the birth! The closer the fateful date gets, the more I'm afraid of what's going to happen..." Your companion took you in his arms, gently caressing the small of your back. "I promise I'll be there, from the beginning, until the end." His lips kissed your forehead, moving down your nose until they settled on your lips. "Together... Even if I end up with a crushed hand, I'll stay by your side." You laughed, hitting his arm without force. "Everything will be okay, Y/N... I love you."

Your companion managed your first contractions with impressive composure. He quickly took you to the midwife's office, insisting on staying by your side all the way, as he had promised. Your companion kept your hand in his, occasionally wiping your forehead with a cool cloth. He encouraged you all the way, worrying about your cries of pain. He knew it could last several hours, and seeing you suffer helplessly gave him a bitter taste in his mouth. Despite the context, he promised himself to remind you later of all the curses you'd shouted against him and the gods, while your mind was clouded with pain. He would surely have laughed if he hadn't seen the tears rolling down your cheeks…

Heizou remained silent for a long time, as he gazed with tear-filled eyes at his infant, comfortably ensconced in the crook of his arms. Sitting cautiously by your side, he finally dared to explore his child's chubby face, tenderly brushing his cheeks, nose and little lips. Curious, he placed a finger in the hollow of his palm, his little hand automatically tightening around it. Heizou let his tears flow, leaning gently towards his baby to kiss the top of his head, then towards you, lovingly claiming your lips.

Heizou will be a very warm and instructive father. He wants his child to be able to learn all sorts of things for himself, encouraging his curiosity and intellect. He will never be too hard or too strict with him, preferring to explain things several times rather than let him give up. He doesn't expect his child to follow in his footsteps, but he'll still be happy when he tells him he wants to become a great detective, just like him.

NSFW bonus:

You were naked, leaning over the bathtub to check that the water temperature wasn't too hot, completely oblivious to the olive eyes staring back at you with a brilliant gleam of desire. Heizou approached you, like a cat ready to pounce on its prey. His hand rested on your belly as his bare chest pressed against your back. You shivered as his teeth nibbled your earlobe. "You really are gorgeous..." He murmured sensually as his hands worshipped every inch of your skin.

"Hei-Heizou, you really are insatiable! We've already made love today! Twice!" You growl without any real motivation, your lover's hands slowly kneading your chest. You hear him giggle against your ear, pressing his hips against your buttocks.

"Is that a problem? I can easily guess you want this as much as I do..." That man and his damned intuitions! You quickly gave up the fight as Heizou sensually lowered one of his hands between your thighs, teasing your femininity with his fingers. "You're so wet already~ Is it pregnancy that's got you all worked up?" Heizou pinched your nipple as one finger penetrated you with ease, making you squeal against him.

"Stop teasing me for a moment! I need you..." You begged, your fingers encircling Heizou's wrist. Your companion breathed an amused laugh, withdrawing his hand from you to guide you to the bathtub. He didn't need to fight your desires, because after all... He wanted the same thing you did.

Heizou kissed you with tender passion, his hands resting on your hips helping to lift you onto his member. And as he pulled away from your lips to better admire you, seeing you gasp, head slightly tilted back and lips parted under the influence of pleasure swelled his heart with pride. He was the one who put you in this state... Singing his name as he touched all your sweet spots... You were so sensitive with pregnancy, it made him dizzy. He couldn't help it, he needed to see your flushed face, hear your moans of pleasure. Heizou had always enjoyed sex with you, but pregnancy made you so needy that he lost control…

It was so good to feel your hands in his hair, your body pressed against his with only your hips swaying on his shaft. Heizou loved breathing in your perfume, tasting your skin, having your little round belly against his stomach and your voice so close to his ear... Unable to take it any longer, Heizou helped you speed up the pace of your back-and-forth, making you cry out his name. He wanted to feel you cum, to have your walls tight around him. Heizou licked hungrily at your neck, grunting against you as he savored the tension rising in your abdomen, indicating that you were nearing your climax. And when, at last, you freed yourself from that merciless knot, squeezing his member in sweet, pleasurable torture, Heizou released into you. His heartbeat echoed in his ears as his hand tenderly caressed your back, murmuring soft words against your neck, feverish kisses wetting your skin.

Heizou will help you wash, towel and dress, taking you back to your room to rest... Until the next round.

"I'd really like to start a family with you, Y/N."

That's what he'd said to you one night, as he cuddled you in bed after a session of passionate lovemaking. How could you refuse him? You felt ready, and so did he.

A month later, when you were suffering from persistent vomiting and exhaustion, Lyney decided to take you to see a doctor as a matter of urgency. How could he not be concerned, seeing you in this state for over a week? And why didn't Lynette seem more concerned about your condition? He didn't have time to ask himself these questions. Your health was all that mattered to him...

"Congratulations, you're pregnant." declared the doctor with a big smile. Lyney, sitting beside you, remained silent, his eyes wide with surprise, unlike yours, which had a smile stretching to your ears.

As you left the practice, you walked quietly through the streets of Fontaine, Lyney at your side. He hadn't said a word since you left the office... And that began to worry you. Did he regret it? "Lyney... ?" Whereas up until now, your gazes had fled each other, you put aside the fear knotting your stomach to confront him... And then, as you turned to face him, you saw them... His tears streaming down his cheeks... "Lyney! Why are you crying?! Don't... Don't you want this child?" Suddenly he took you in his arms, embracing you warmly as his face hid in the hollow of your shoulder. "Y/N... I promise I'll do anything to make sure our child has a wonderful life! I swear it! I'll take good care of him. Both of you. You'll never want for anything! *snif *. Thank you, Y/N. I love you, mon amour. I love you so much." It was your turn to cry, the pressure knotting your stomach disappearing with his words. Your arms wrapped around his neck. Yes, you were going to build your own home. A home filled with joy and happiness...

Lyney would be surprised to see you so clingy with him. To tell the truth, it was usually his job to be clingy. You didn't want him to leave your side or take his hand away from your skin... Pregnancy made you very emotional, and only Lyney's smell, his presence, his warmth comforted you... He never complained, and to tell you the truth, he loved it. Receiving free hugs or feeling you curl up around him like a koala when you slept always made him smile stupidly.

He'd obviously let Lynette and Freminet know, although both seemed to have already guessed your condition... He was happy to see his family accept your pregnancy with such joy. His sister and little brother were very close to you and, like Lyney before them, promised to do everything in their power to make their nephew's/niece's life a wonderful dream.

Lyney would bend over backwards to meet your needs. Pregnancy made you very greedy and your desires were sometimes... Wacky. Why were you suddenly craving a bowl of soba, a dish that was only served at Inazuma? No matter! He would learn to cook it to please you...

When you became pregnant, you and Lyney were just engaged. Seeing that your belly was getting rounder, Lyney thought you'd look gorgeous in a wedding dress. And he wasn't wrong... On your wedding day, when he first saw you in it, the harmonious curves of your belly making you even more sublime, he froze in front of your beauty. You were beautiful, as bright as the sun, as soft as spring, as gorgeous as the rainbow rose. He could hardly believe that this incredible being would not only be his wife, but also the mother of his child.

"Lyney!" Your husband gasped as he heard your angry voice calling his name. Your mood swings had been quite hazardous since your pregnancy, and your husband's slightest misstep sent you into a tizzy. "I told you not to leave your magic accessories lying around the apartment! I'm not asking you for heaven!" Lyney was quick to apologize, immediately putting his things away. After that, he always knew how to make amends, kissing every part of your face, massaging every sore spot on your shoulders, whispering words of love to you.

He loved to make you sit between his legs, tenderly caressing your belly to feel his child against his palms. He loved having you against him, your hands resting tenderly on his to guide him to the places where you felt the baby move. The first time he felt it, he marveled as children do at his magic tricks. He wondered if he knew that the hands on his mother's belly were those of his father, or if he recognized his voice... And you were sure he did, because every time Lyney spoke to him to tell stories, your baby seemed to react, bubbling in your belly. "Hey, mon petit ange, do you know how Daddy managed to seduce Mommy? No ? Then let me tell you a story~... It all started with a rainbow rose..."

Since you were pregnant, you had learned to knit. Lyney was silently raving behind the back of the sofa where you were sitting, humming a few nursery rhymes while you finished your work. Leaning back on the backrest, his chin resting on his arms, Lyney admired you with loving eyes, listening to the sound of your voice while you remained oblivious to his gaze, too focused on the little socks you were lovingly knitting. At that very moment, Lyney felt blessed by the gods... You were a true blessing in his life.

At times, Lyney was filled with doubt. His childhood had been miserable, he had never known the love of a parent, only the cruelty of Men. The hearth had given him and his sister a home and a family, but even so, Lyney hadn't had a childhood. Would he really be able to give his baby a happy childhood? Would he be able to preserve his innocence? He had promised himself to be strong, as a husband, but also as a father. He often discussed this with you, exposing his darkest fears. You were his light, always finding the right words to illuminate his darkest thoughts.

You were nearing the end of your pregnancy, and the contractions were becoming more and more present. Lyney, tormented by your suffering, stayed by your side, keeping you upright and helping you breathe deeply to ease the pain. As soon as the contractions subsided, Lyney took the time to help you sit up, then took care of your belongings. You were close to delivery and it was out of the question for you to take care of anything while he was around. The midwife was already aware of your close contractions thanks to Lynette, and Freminet kept an eye on you, occasionally refreshing your sweaty forehead. As soon as he was ready, Lyney called a carriage to take you quickly to the Fontaine maternity hospital. It had, quite literally, become a family affair...

Although the birth lasted only four short hours, Lyney was heartbroken to hear your cries of pain. The pain on your face made him lose his mind, and even though your hand was crushing his, he paid it no mind - after all, his pain was nothing compared to yours. All he wanted to do was encourage you and pray for the best... He was scared... Although Fontaine's technology ensured that pregnant women were well cared for, tragedies could still happen. Finally, when he heard the baby's first cries echoing through the room, he allowed himself to breathe. Crying his eyes out, he kissed your forehead several times, hoping to convey all the love he felt for you. "Bravo mon amour, you did it. You've done it. I'm proud of you..."

The first time Lyney saw his baby in your arms, his eyes would fill with tears, bellowing how beautiful he was and how much he looked like you... Almost hesitating to take his baby in his arms, Lyney trembled as he became aware of the reality of this being so small, so fragile... His child. Stars shone in Lyney's amethyst eyes as a happy smile stretched his lips. Gently, he placed a kiss on his baby's forehead, promising that he would always be by his side and do everything in his power to protect him.

Lyney will be an exceptional father. He will look after his child with care and tenderness, using his magic tricks to make his child's eyes shine with joy. As he promised, Lyney will do everything to make your life beautiful. He was a loving, caring, funny and magical father and husband...

Bonus NSFW:

You heard the sound of a door closing, indicating that Lyney had just returned from his magic show at the opera. Abandoning everything you were doing, you rushed to the entrance to find him... No one. The living room perhaps? You quickly made your way there, finding your companion slumped in the armchair, admiring with a gentle smile the stuffed animal he held over his face. You had knitted it for your baby, modeling it on the amethyst-eyed cat he camouflaged in his top hat... Gently, you approached Lyney, gazing at his beautiful, moonlit features. When he finally noticed you, his face lit up as he lovingly whispered your name. His hand reached out to you, inviting you to sit on his lap. Your heart palpitated, happy to accept his attention. Maybe it was because you hadn't seen him all day, or maybe pregnancy and its hormones were making you feel unbearably lonely. Whatever the case, this sense of urgency led you to him at a run, your fingers curling tenderly around his.

"I've missed you, mon amour." Lyney helped you settle astride him, wrapping his arms around your waist. The warmth he radiated as he pulled you firmly back against his chest made you want more....

"I missed you too..." You whispered back to him, eager for his attention, wanting more than just a hug. You felt insatiable, on the brink. It had been weeks since you'd been thrilled by him, though the look in his eyes made it clear he wanted to claim you... Was it your belly that was stopping him? Had he built a wall between you and himself to prevent him from giving in to his deep-seated desires? Yet when he saw the need in your eyes, Lyney languorously moved one of his hands up to your hair, tracing a slow line down your back to your neck before following the path of your jaw. Once he reached your hair, he gently grabbed a tuft, bringing your face close to his, your lips brushing lightly against his. Aaaah~ You could already feel him hard against your groin…

"Y/N, if you look at me with those eyes.... I don't know if I could hold it in... But I don't know if it's wise for me to make love to you in your state, ma chérie... Tell me to stop if you don't want it to get out of hand..."

Grabbing his shirt, you closed the distance between you and his lips, kissing him with need, your hips pressing a little harder against his erection. You needed him as much as he needed you... Now!

"I asked the midwife about it... She said it was safe..." You murmur against his lips before diving back into your kiss. That man was so weak under you...

Lyney took the time to prepare you with his fingers, encouraging your hips that moved sensuously to the rhythm of his hand working you languorously. Your companion always went slowly with his foreplay, starting first with teasing caresses on your clitoris before inserting a finger then two between your walls. His thumb, which was not devoid of agility, massaged your swollen nerve, almost making you moan loudly into his neck. Lyney was never silent during your intercourse, even when he wasn't yet sheathed inside you, he felt a torturous pleasure just by hearing the sounds you produced under his ministrations... Your belly had taken on a few curves with the pregnancy, and Lyney took a malicious pleasure in caressing it with his free hand, whispering words of love to you.

"Y/N~ Seigneur... I love you, ma chérie. I love you both... When I think that you- Hm! - carrying my child... It drives me crazy! I don't know why- Ahh~ - it puts me in such a state!" His hips crushed your heart as he withdrew his fingers to unbutton his pants, freeing his painfully hard, engorged member. "If you weren't already pregnant, I'd make sure you were tonight!"

"Ly-Lyney!" You cried out in pleasure as he began to penetrate you inch by inch, making you tremble on top of him. It felt so good it made you dizzy.... Lyney clung to you, rocking your hips with his hands to help him reach the bottom. You were so tight around him that he was sometimes forced to stop to help you relax.

"Relax mon amour... I don't want to hurt you... Ah! You're tight!" When he finally reached the bottom, Lyney stroked your back limply, his face buried in the hollow of your neck. You were both panting, drenched in sweat and trembling. The clothes still on you were becoming suffocating and you had to pull away from him to get rid of your top and bra. As you did so, your eyes never left Lyney's, who mimicked your actions, throwing his own clothes away before pulling your face towards him. His tongue forced your lips open, tangling with need around yours. It was a sloppy kiss, fueled by the desire you had for each other. This simple fact made your lover far more needy, his member trembling inside you. No longer having the patience to wait, you slowly lifted your hips, leaving only the tip of his sex inside you, before moving back down to the guard... It was a languorous dance, where your breaths served as music. 

Lyney would move slowly, his member touching the deepest, most sensitive parts of your femininity. He'd manage to make you see the stars with so little effort, sometimes changing your position to sit in reverse cowgirl or simply tipping you gently over onto the living room table, legs braced on his shoulders as he sensually pounded you. Your pleas drove him mad, always asking for more... And by the seven, he loved it.

After your escapades, Lyney would make a point of carrying you to bed, cleaning you thoroughly with a warm towel and kisses lost on your skin. You quickly fell asleep under his gentle caresses, giving him the opportunity to whisper words of affection to your belly. His hands tenderly cradled your belly as he rested his head on it, feeling the slight movements of his little one.

[butwhatifidothis]

I could go on about so many things wrong with that chapter, but I want to draw attention to something I think Mercedes said. Cap, through her, brought in the anti-religious "Religious people are only doing good because their religion told them to, therefore they are not actually good people. Only non-religious people can do good because they aren't told to do it" crap. He's basically saying that people with religious belief would choose to do evil if not for their religion, and since Mercedes is going to be "good" she can't actually have religious faith. I'm not sure if this is making any sense, it's quite late, but I had to say something about that because it pissed me off so much. Loving your notes and much appreciation for reading the thing so I don't have to!

Ya see, I was looking for the right phrasing for it, thanks for givin' it nonnie because holy shit is that kinda actually everywhere. Like, Mercedes is the most blatant with it in this chapter, but just take a look at all of the other religious characters. Like, every single one of them:

Woobiegard: good person - has religious trauma, explicitly hates on the religion she used to have faith in, is straight up trying to destroy it, and is depicted as morally right in doing so

Marianne: good person - has fic-only religious trauma, talks bad about her religion all the time, prays because she doesn't know what else to do and not because she actually thinks the Goddess will help anyone (since she's learned The Truth due to Woobiegard)

Manuela: good person, but also completely irrelevant to anything - hell, it's easier to forget she's there than most characters, with a pitiful 94 mentions (including author's notes). You could remove her entirely and lose nothing. And the one, singular time she ever talks about religion, it's a slight tweak of her already ass-sucking Canongard A support

Yuri or Balthus: Respectively - has the implication of his existence through two throwaway lines | doesn't exist

Catherine and Gilbert: crazy zealots who can't be saved from their crazy zealotry

Alois: good person - can only not be a crazy zealot if he sides with Woobiegard

Cyril: not even a believer, but in a future chapter he will be called a fanatic anyway since he won't side with Woobiegard over Rhea

And then we get to Mercedes, who is a good person but feels she must be part of the Church because that is her destiny, and she can only become the best version of herself when she sides with Woobiegard. And while, save for Manuela, none of the listed characters are portrayed accurately regarding their religious believes (or lack thereof, in Cyril's case) (or alternatively, in Yuri and Bathus', they're just removed entirely), it cannot be stressed enough that for Mercedes in particular that is literally the exact opposite belief she holds in canon. She literally says that she thinks destiny is pulling her away from the Church, not towards it.

But that attitude is literally everywhere in this fic. If you are religious and you don't either worship Woobiegard or belittle your religion, you are a bad person. You are hopelessly fanatical, you are a zealot who is unable to be saved because you have been brainwashed and manipulated by Rhea and nothing of you is left. Believers lose themselves if they hold onto their beliefs, they change as people and they always become worse, because religion - according to this fic - is inherently bad for people and it must always be rejected for one to be a good person.

Like, of all of the things in this fic, this is one of the most consistent patterns to be found, holding hands with the "follow/listen to Woobiegard or you're a bad person" pattern. The fic will jump through hoops and circle in loops to make religious characters either turn their backs on their religion or become mindless brainless evil zealots who must be killed because they're basically zombies and nothing can save them.

Again, the most blatant example is Mercedes, who in this chapter basically has her religion hard-confirmed to be almost completely true. Crests, in fact, do come from the Goddess - not in the way the tenets say, but they do still come from an actual being that actually existed. Seiros is real, Cichol is real, Cethleann is real, and Mercedes had seen the Immaculate One in the flesh five years ago. The last of which would especially be validating, considering that the Immaculate One is seen as a creature that descends to Fodlan to save followers of Seiros and Woobiegard was causing a bit of trouble for followers of Seiros at that moment. The Saints really did battle against Nemesis and the Elites - how else would Mercedes immediately interpret Seteth saying "the relic weapons that we once battled against at the Tailtean Plains"? Why would Mercedes side with Seteth and Ficleth over Rhea, when they're clearly and blatantly hypocrites in this moment ("We were bad for using the Relic's powers all these years" Seteth says as he stands next to someone using his mother's corpse as a weapon and works under someone who got a NEW Relic made for her exclusive use)? Like, yeah, some of what Seteth is saying makes the Church look bad, but not as bad as his words make himself and Ficleth look.

But, again, Mercedes is a good person, which means that she will reject her religion at the drop of a hat. It doesn't matter how she gets there so long as she does get there, because Religion Bad. You made perfect sense nonnie lol never you worry

[st-eve-barnes]

Rules: list eight shows for your followers to get to know you better.

I was tagged by @marthawrites and @ewanmitchellcrumbs, thank you ladies!

Buffy the vampire slayer: always my nr 1. I remember when my husband tried to get me into this show and I wasn't feeling it. A show about a teenage girl slaying vampires and falling in love with one, it all sounded very lame to me. But then we watched an episode on tv together, it was "Hush" (every Buffy fan knows enough now lol) and it just changed my opinion completely. That episode was so creepy, so funny, so well written from start to finish. I knew I had to see more. I fell in love with the rest of the show pretty quickly. Some episode are still some of the best tv I've ever seen (The Body!) and now we rewatch it every 1-2 years and I'm still not sick of it. Anyone who hasn't watched it yet please go give this masterpiece a chance.

Friends: I know it's a cliche show but I just adore it, I grew up with it, I've loved these characters for years and I will continue to love them. Another show I like to rewatch every few years. (I'm still very disappointed adult life isn't like it is in Friends lol)

Battlestar Galactica (the 2004 version): hands down best sci fi show for me because it's so much more than a sci fi show. This is so well written, the character development is probably the best I've watched in any tv show. I remember watching it for the first time and just being on the edge of my seat with every episode. Also love that this is a story with a beginning and ending that just feels completely finished, full circle, something that is rare these days.

Ally McBeal: I'm sure my age is showing in these choices lol, but this show shaped me as a young adult. I wanted to be Ally and tackle adult life the way she did, she made me feel it was okay to be a little crazy. The show is just so original, I loved the music as well (I used to buy all the Vonda Shepard cd's lol) and it was so sentimental and melancholic, if you wanted to have a cry you knew you could do it with this show. I haven't rewatched it in a long time so I don't know how well it stands now but I may just have to see for myself soon.

Stranger Things: I know the show gets a bad rep cause it's so overhyped but it's genuinely just an amazing show. I've been on board since season 1 and every season just gets better for me, I mean I already loved it and then they gave us Eddie! :) But seriously, it's just the perfect mix between mysterious horror/sci fi and that 80's nostalgia that takes me back in time. For those how haven't watched it yet, forget about the hype and just watch it.

Haunting of Hill House/Haunting of Bly Manor: yes, I'm listing them both cause I can't really choose. I love ghost stories and I love them even more when they revolve around love (as the show says, a ghost story is a love story) They are both so hauntingly beautiful and sad, the perfect mix between creepy and romantic. And that quote: "I loved you completely. And you loved me the same. That's all. The rest is confetti." has me in tears every time.

Extraordinary attorney Woo: It's still a pretty new show and it only has one season but I have to put this one in here because it is such a gem. I think it's the best way I've ever seen autism portrayed in a tv show. All characters are brilliantly written and the show, a K drama which isn't always my thing, is just so heartwarming and lovely to watch. Definitely recommend!

The Boys: If you're MCU tired (like I am) this show is the biggest breath of fresh air in the superhero genre (and also a big Fuck You to all the other superhero movies/shows). Bold, bloody and disgusting and anything but family friendly lol I was hooked after one episode and I'm still hooked 3 seasons later. This show dares to go where others don't and I just find it hilarious and so on point!

(Oops, that turned out longer than I intended, sorry! lol) I'm tagging @aemondmama @aemondx @neonhairspray @josephfakingquinn @arcielee @lauraneedstochill @jasonsmirrorball @aemonds-wifey (feel free to ignore)

[signs-of-the-moon]

Since some people seemed interested, here are some music vids I'd love to make if I ever get the chance to start animating again (under a read more cause there's a lot of them):

Lithium//Evenescence- edgy Snowfrost PMV about her crimes. The vid would follow her actions from the beginning of Snowfrost's Fate all the way to her death at the end of Moon Rise. I would probably give cats edgy 2008-esque designs to go with it, because I'm crazy about that kinda thing. (This is the one I want to do the most tbh. I've already got a script made. If I could pass it on to someone so they could make this PMV real I would. I'd literally make all the designs for it too, probably even storyboard it)

We Are One//song from The Lion King 2- AMV featuring Wolfheart singing to Moonpaw. It'd probably be very colorful and have a lot of movement and would be a killer to animate. Their relationship is important and I like things that can show it

One Lonely Visitor//Chevelle- PMV about Jaybird and her relationship with her sister Snowfrost, taking place from Snowfrost's Fate up to Jaybird's death near the end of Moon Rise (another one I really really want made. This one also has a script created for it)

Pardon Me// He is We- This one would be a AMV/PMV mix; it would be about Snowfrost and Wolfheart's feelings for each other, which slowly fade over time. The vid would start out lighthearted, maybe colored in pastels, then become metaphorically and literally darker as the song progresses. Eventually it would depict Snowfrost having delusional thoughts about Wolfheart, about getting him back, or possibly making him another of her victims

Look What You Made Me Do// Taylor Swift- ok listen. I am not a fan of Taylor Swift, especially not this song. But after listening to it multiple times a day on the radio at work years back, back when SOTM was being plotted, I started imaging Situations to cope with it. And this song ended up perfectly fitting Nightshade's story in my head. So this would be a PMV about that. (Can't elaborate what that story is cause its major spoilers, you'll just have to wait and see.) This would be a vid I'd make by the time half of, if not all of, Moon Fall becomes published

Ghost// Saint Asonia- probaby a PMV/AMV mix including all the point of view characters in Signs of the Moon, and how they handle being a prophecy kid/having an omen hanging over their heads. It would probably be heavily focused on how these cats look to or turn away from Starclan for it as well. There would be a lot of action/movement/colors during moments when the music swells and especially during the bridge of the song (did I ever mention this is one of my favorite songs ever?)

Poor Unfortunate Souls//song from The Little Mermaid (animated version)- AMV/PMV of Hazepaw being visited by the ghost he's led to believe is Sea Breeze who's trying to help him

Pet//A Perfect Circle- AMV about the future POV Possumpaw and how he deals with his manipulative mother and asshole brother. The whole thing might be in black and white with the only color coming from cats' eyes and blood/tears. I have to think about Possumpaw's story more before I come up with specific details about what goes on in the video. I have a couple of ideas tho

Blue Lips//Regina Spektor- Swiftcloud AMV/PMV mix highlighting all of Moon Rise cause I think it'd be neat. The whole thing would be in grayscale with some details colored in blue

Brutus//The Buttress- Another PMV starring Nightshade. This one specifically is about her relationship with her mentor, Wolfheart. How much she looked up to him at first, then slowly came to hate him and seek his downfall

Lemon Boy//Cave Town- PMV about Urchinpaw and Hazepaw's budding friendship. The story would probably be told through Urchin's POV

Criminal//Britney Spears- PMV featuring Cloudypaw (a major character in Moon Fall) and her fatal attraction towards Nightshade's son, Weaslepaw

Behind Blue Eyes// Limp Bizkit- another PMV about Snowfrost and her story, told from more "sympathetic" pov because we support womens wrongs <3 this vid would show a lot more of the isolation and loneliness Snowfrost feels especially as she goes down her murderous path

How to Save a Life//The Fray- AMV with Tigerpaw/lily and Moonpaw/face regarding Moonpaw's cross clan friendship with Hazepaw/storm. The vid would be in Tiger's POV, showing her concern for her friend. Throughout you can see Tigerpaw's dislike and mistrust of Hazepaw while Moonpaw remains blind to his flaws. The disagreement puts a strain on the friendship which will also be shown thru the vid

Hellfire//song from The Hunchback of Notredom- AMV featuring Darkpelt who sings about his emotions pertaining to Nightshade (can't elaborate much because spoilers, but the tl;dr is he has a massive crush on her and does Night's bidding because of it, but he hates it as it goes against Starclan)

Vitamin R (Leading Us Along)// Chevelle- an AMV/PMV mix focused on Whisperpaw and her relationship with her family + dealing with her secret "ability"

Genius Next Door//Regina Spektor- another PMV about Swiftcloud. This time its her during Moon Fall, watching her kits grow and make choices, while her clan falls into chaos once more due to plot events I can't reveal atm

Warbringer: Jaina (Daughter of the Sea)//song from World of Warcraft- I have 2 different PMV ideas for this one. One is of Snowfrost's time at the beginning of her Super Edition, where she's dealing with her punishment of a Warriorpaw Ceremony and her growing feelings of anger during it. The other idea is a depiction of Sea Breeze's story

Werewolf// Motionless In White- Werewolf! Hazepaw AU. Idk how else to explain this one. I'd have to show the script for others to understand what it's about (its a WIP). This would be a Halloween video

Sally's Song// cover by Amy Lee- a PMV of Moonpaw singing about Hazepaw, with frames showing their relationship

[omi-papus]

Ok this is a really specific.... thing of mine??? Like ok. Why is the PDA still in this game? Ok I mean I get WHY, storage, logs, blueprints, information, warnings ect. OBVIOUSLY.

Buy like. Here's the thing. You know how sometimes it's a bit of a theme for players to start going a little crazy in the first game. This is where the whole, holding a Hoverfish and talking to it phenomenon comes in. Some people play audio logs on repeat to sort of hear people talk in a game where there's no one. What I did, is that I got unreasonably attached to the PDA. It was the only sound I understood and trusted at the beginning of the game, and I felt so good when it said some whatever programmed in, tone-deaf inspirational quote. The entire "scans suggest swimming was your favorite activity" bit will forever be iconic. I thanked it every time it gave me a warning, and it was just this feeling of, I'd rather listen to an unfeeling unaware, slightly better version of Siri than put up with this loneliness.

Now Below zero.

Robin talks to herself externally from the player. Which I mean, it makes it seem like SHE is going a little crazy, but it separates the player from that feeling themselves. (I know some people hate this, and I did too the first time, but I digress) You have detailed voice logs from the beginning of the game, and most important of all. A whole ass guy available to you 24/7 wherever you go.

Siri is a lot less enticing when I have better options.

And I don't mean this in just the way, that I'd rather have the PDA not talk. Especially since unlike the first game, where the PDA is obviously just not programmed for the situation and unironically says morbid, incorrect or even soul crushing shit like It's nothing, making it hilarious, in Below zero it feels like they actually wrote jokes directly into the PDA. It calling coffee "dirty bean water" was so fucking forced I was tempted to @ someone about it on Twitter. And I don't just mean It's now just not as good as in the first game. I also mean it in the way that in almost every way, having a fully functional PDA detracts from the story. I spent a decent chunk of this game trying to do shit to get a reaction out of Al-An. (Btw I will forever be pissed that you can make a toilet in this game and Al-An makes exactly zero comments about it, and I can't laugh as I torture the alien with the knowledge of poop. Is this because Robin is a woman or something?? Let me harass the alien, damit!) And nothing annoyed me as much as expecting Al-An to say something and being left with the PDA saying something right out of a brand tweet. But more important than anything. It undermines the characters beyond belief. Robin especially. Like ok, in the first game you're just some guy, lord knows what your job was but you're definitely not someone who knows a whole lot about Alien fish. So I'm fine with the scanner just inexplicably giving you names, behavior and biological info on animals and plants that are supposedly undiscovered. Like whatever. But please tell me, how a Xenobiologist, or any biologist for that matter still has a job when this thing exists. Now you could make a point out of it, like they did with that doctor in the first game that realized he was completely useless because he only ever let robots do the job. But it's never really brought up how it just does her job for her. Like sure, going in to scan certain things takes a lot of guts, and that's clearly the type of vibe Robin is supposed to give off. That sort of Steve Erwin attitude of "Im gonna poke it with a stick", but it still just feels wrong. And it doesn't explain why spy penglings were ever needed if scanners can even determine an animal's level of intelligence in one go.

But ok I've been going in circles to get to my idea. So, what I would do, is have the PDA be broken. Either during the crash into the planet, or have Robin actively mess it up to avoid tracking from Alterra. So it's still used for storage, you can still keep scanned blueprints, and it still keeps track of all the info. The changes are exactly three. It doesn't talk, no matter what. It doesn't give you warnings or even display your hunger, thirst or even oxygen levels (Put a pin in that it's not that bad I swear), and there's a point made like" I have a scanner, oh... but it can't connect with the alterra database, it can only tell me some things about this animal... I have to figure the rest out myself." Bonus points if Robin is actually nervous about this prospect, realizing she's never researched with no outside sources before. Still brave and ready, but not acting like it's piece of cake or like she's not a little scared of her lives expertise being tested like this.

Functionally, it would work exactly the same. No gameplay changes here. The only things changed would be the writing and dialog. Fauna and flora scans would now be phrased as if written by Robin herself. "Ok, so the scan says this species has a high amount of CO2 in its body, in the same area as its waste passes through. Looking at it, those transparent pouches on its top and bottom are the only places with enough space to hold it. The scans don't detect any way for waste to leave the body, so could it just recycle its urine into clean water to use again like some species in places with sparse drinking water do? It's kind of gross, but I think I could get drinkable water out of that." Something like that.

And with the oxygen, hunger, cold and thirst, who would know better than the good helpful pal literally inside your body? Yep, that's right, Al-An would replace the PDAs survival system completely. He tells you if you're hungry or cold or need to breathe, because he can see into your brain cells or something.

This would mean that for the first bit of the game you would be left to just guess and or memorize what you need until you find Al-An. Maybe have Robin say something here and there. Like, "Ok, I can hold my breath for 45 seconds and I should eat every 30 minutes on average. Gotta remember that". But that would also add a layer to the game. Of the sort of morally gray kind. Do you really want Al-An out of your head? He wants to have autonomy again. But wouldn't you like to keep him around until you find the truth about your sister? Would make things a whole lot easier. He doesn't have to know you're stalling. And creating a two-sided situation where both characters hide information thinking they've got the other one under control would be really fun. Especially with Al-An also hiding information from Robin to make sure she doesn't decide to not make him a body because she thinks he's dangerous. And it would be adorable in the end for both to find out their mistrust was completely unwarranted. They'd both be like, "Wtf of course I would have helped you, you're my friend and I'd do anything for you. You thought I would just leave you to suffer like that?" Al-An could mod the PDA or something at that point idk.

[dreamsofannpc]

06/18/23 Living at a Work Dorm

I was living separately from my family because of my job. Now, they had it where everyone who worked for this company lived on a specific site and basically shared dorms. I shared my space with my direct co-lead, J. Around us, other people outside of this company also lived in this apartment dorm complex. When work ended, I decided to step out and explore the place. I ended up at the edge of a wall that surrounded the complex, but I heard people talking behind it, so I jumped over. The people seemed bothered that I interrupted them talking. It was like a group of 6. I wanted to say something, but they were all looking so mean and nasty that I just walked past them. As I did, there was an edge to this place that cut off into more nature-esk areas where no renovation or anything had been done. As I'm walking there, it's also getting darker because the trees are more tightly spaced. Eventually, I'm at a point where there's no direct sunlight, so it's pretty dark. I want to keep walking though because it's so peaceful and nice, but then I see something a little farther than me. At first, I think it's just shadows, but as it moves closer, I'm like "Oh it's a person. Do I recognize them?" But it starts shifting. First, it shifted to look like a weird version of my grandma D. Then, it's a weird version of J. Then, a weird version of one of the group of 6 I had just seen, she was a very goth looking woman. As it's changing, it's beckoning me to come closer and is talking, but I can't hear it with how much distance there is between us. So I just book it back. I pass by the group, and one of the guys tries to ask me something like "Scary stuff, huh? Forest too much for you?" in a very condescending way but I just rushed past them. There was a main center area to the complex that was like a mess hall, so I went there and just tried to calm down while I gathered my thoughts. But then I saw penguinz0 at a table with his group of friends also being surrounded by a circle of fans. I was like, "Oh my gosh, he's right there just talking to everyone!" Idk if he was talking about a specific topic or someone had asked a question, but I just quietly joined the crowd around him. Randomly, people started moving and shoving, and because of that, I was pushed to the front of the crowd. It was crazy being that close to him because when he talked, it felt like he was talking just to me, even tho that wasn't true. Someone pointed out it was late, so the crowd started to dwindle, including me. But I was very star-struck and contemplated asking to take a picture but decided against it since no one else had asked. The last thing I remember is having to walk through a lot of mud to get back to my dorm because it had rained while I was in the mess hall.

Morning mood: Happy

[transcendence-through-exposure]

Hello and welcome to my page (If anyone does see this) i want to start with an introduction.

let's just say my name is D and with alot of years of battling my own demons, I've finally have an understanding with them to live in balance with myself. i would delete all the posts I shared but after looking at them i realized how depressed i really was growing up. It's a place in my mind i had forgotten about until recently and has been building up for some time now, so I've come here to share.

For some reason it's a trigger to be asked if I'm okay. I can't fully say im happy, but im at a point where i just can't feel emotions like i used to. I tried the whole emotion thing after being numb for so long... And so far it's only caused problems. for example, I've recently opened myself to have new friends ( because I've only ever hung out with the same group of friends since i was a child.)

Lets say i work with music not gonna be too specific but i ended up working with a fundraising group who i will not name and discovered the world of sober bars. I don't wanna say i had a problem with alcohol or drugs but i realized what i had been doing to myself but that's another story i will share, I'm currently 5 years off drugs and 3 years no alcohol or soda (nothing too hardcore) just liked to party when i was younger guess it was a coping mechanism for me and when someone close passed i went down a spiral it was the only thing that kept me numb. I used to love that numb feeling and the flavor of alcohol.. i miss it sometimes but im definitely a better person without it. growing up i was always around alcohol, drugs, and gang members. Back in the day it wasn't entirely safe in my neighborhood but im getting off subject again so i will definitely write about that in a later blog.

Back to what i was talking about long story short i let people into my circle and i guess for some reason i have this tendency to wanna help people when i have nothing to give a quote i always remember is " never pour from an empty cup" and i like to say " im not a cup. I'm the person who guides the water to the cup." Meaning im here to build you up, a way to turn the flow to fill up the cups of others. I don't know if I'll ever have a true happiness. again, it's a trigger and truly makes me cry sometimes even though im usually really good with not feeling anything.

Kinda why i started my career in music. It was a new version of me that i chose in my pursuit of happiness. I can honestly say if it wasn't for music i wouldn't be here right now. it's better than any drug or alcohol and gave the feeling of pure serenity. I want to show people that there's a world that cares for you even when there's no one around. When you need that conversation but dont have anyone to talk to. It's crazy to think that a total stanger can talk through this beautiful art to your soul and be able to heal from it.

I think that's enough for tonight it's about 3AM and started this on the beach (where i usually go to throw all my negative thoughts). I'm tired, ive been more tired than usually recently but i don't let it stop me from getting things done most of the time i dont want to. but i always push myself to get it done. Growing up depressed i learned to cope with it so i really dont feel emotions as hard as I used to

ps. Im not sad or happy im just good enough to get through everyday knowing that we're all destined for greatness, I'm more at peace with myself and understand my feelings. Im self centered, in balance with my thoughts and emotions. hope i can help others whether it be a story, music or personal poetry.

Ok now im done, Thank you so much for reading, hope to see you again peace and love ☯️ .

[katedrakeohd]

Riley's Choice (part 1)

(A The Royal Romance Fanfic)

So @angelasscribbles and @dcbbw did this thing where they took the same opening sentences and built a short fic around them. Both of their stories were fantastic and you can access them below:

Untitled - by dcbbw

I do: a TRR one-shot - by angelasscribbles

I asked @angelasscribbles if I could write my own version and I came up with Riley's Choice. It's Royal Romance related and features Drake, Liam, Riley and other characters.

Rating : Mature for sexual themes and coarse language.

Word Count: 3000+

Song inspiration: Safe - George Michael

Lose Myself - Robot Koch (ft. Delhia de France)

. Riley's Choice .

“Are you really going to marry him?” he asked as his fingers traced invisible circles across her skin.

“Yes.”

She laid on her stomach, her cheek resting on her crossed arms.

He studied her face intently, as if he could read her thoughts if he concentrated hard enough, “Why?”

“Because I love him.” She said, feeling annoyed.

“But what about us?” he asked, his fingertips trailing down her arm.

“There is no us,” she replied irritably as she turned her back to him.

Looking around his dimly lit hotel room, and the way that both of their clothing was scattered around, he chuckled sarcastically, “Bullshit. There was a whole lot of us being naked and doing things just half an hour ago. So don't tell me there's nothing going on between us.”

Flopping back against her pillow she covered her face with her hands and sighed with an apologetic whine, “I'm sorry. When he showed up at my door and told me that he was breaking off his engagement to Madeleine… I totally wasn't expecting him to invite me out to The Statue of Liberty and whip out this huge diamond ring and propose.”

Drake reached over to brush the dark hair away from her forehead and Riley lowered her hands and looked at him with tears in her eyes. “I didn't know what to say. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest and all I could think of was that if I said ‘yes' that I’d never have another chance to be with you.”

Cupping her cheek he swiped away a stray tear with his thumb, “So then what? Did you just run away without giving him an answer?”

Riley shrugged, rolling over into his waiting arms and snuggling against his chest. “I could tell by the look on his face that he was mystified by my stunned expression. He must have taken it as me being overwhelmed, cuz he put the ring away in his pocket. He said he'd give me a few days to decide.”

Drake gave her a gentle squeeze and kissed her on the forehead, “I have to admit that when you showed up at my door I was quite surprised.”

Riley mumbled into his chest, her finger tracing circles around his nipple. “When I got back to the hotel I panicked and wanted somewhere to hide. With someone I'd feel safe.”

Sucking in a deep breath, he enjoyed the warm tingly sensation her words spread through his chest. “You feel safe with me?”

“Mmhmm,” she nodded, “I always have.”

Drake sighed, trying to ignore the stimulating stroke of her fingers on his skin, “But you said that you're going to marry him, and that you love him. You can't have both of us. You need to choose.”

Riley pushed away from him and saw the sad look in his eyes. “I certainly care for him. And he obviously hasn't lost his affection for me despite all that's happened. He wants to marry me and make me his Queen. He's offering me so much, and anyone would think I'd be crazy to turn him down.”

Drake rolled over onto his back and looked up at the ceiling, his voice quiet, “And since the only thing that I can offer you is my love…that's not enough, I guess.”

Riley felt a warmth spread through her chest and a sob constricting her throat. His confession washed over her, bringing fresh tears, she managed a croak. “You..you love me?”

Drake sat up in bed, turning to look at her, his own eyes shone with raw intensity, “Of course I do. With all the time we've spent together during these past months, you have no idea how badly I’ve been fighting everything I felt inside. I knew we couldn't just be friends. But there was already enough scandal hanging over your head, and I didn't dare show my affection in public. But now that Tariq has publicly released you from any blame, you're free to be with whomever you want. But damn it, Brooks... Riley, I love you and don't want to let you go. Please don't marry Liam.”

“Oh, Drake,” Riley whispered, happy tears streaming down her cheeks. “I love you, too.”

But when Drake smiled back, reaching out to pull her into his arms again she pulled away, shaking her head. “We can't do this…I..I have to go.”

Drake watched her climb out of his bed and start gathering her clothes.

“Riley, please. Don't go,” he pleaded throwing back the covers, and standing between her and the door.

Sniffing back tears, she struggled back into her underwear and shimmied back into her dress, “I have a decision to make. And I can't do it while I’m with you. Your strong arms, your….your everything, drown out all coherent thought and I lose myself.”

Drake folded his arms across his chest, looking disarmingly delicious in all his nakedness, “And since when is that a bad thing? Suddenly you don't feel safe with me, huh?”

“Aren’t you worried that we'll get caught together?” she hissed, bending down to scoop up her shoes.

Drake shook his head. “Not any more. I don't give a shit what he thinks. You're free now, and he has no claim over you.”

Riley tried to step past him, but Drake got in her way. She defiantly looked up at his determined frown, “If I’m so free, then get out of the way.”

Drake shook his head slowly, reaching out to cup her face gently in his hands. “Not yet,” he whispered, leaning in. “I need to kiss you goodnight.”

Riley's protest died in her throat as their lips met. He's in no rush and the gentle pressure of his mouth as his hands slid into her hair, made her whimper and go up on her tiptoes to return the kiss. When she dropped her shoes and tried to wrap her arms around his neck, hoping to deepen the kiss, he stepped back. Riley felt dazed as he gently wrapped her hands in his and held them to his chest.

“Do you still want to leave?” he asked, his voice a low rumble as she gazed up at him. His desire for her to stay was clearly written all over his face.

“I..I…,” Riley stammered, her lips still tingled from the kiss they'd shared. “I don't know anymore.”

Drake smiled leaning in to whisper in her ear, “Good, because if you'd let me. I'd like to show you that you're already mine.”

Riley gasped as a shivering thrill buzzed through her veins. When his lips found her neck she felt herself go weak in the knees. Wrapping his arms around to crush her to his chest, she clung to him as he carried her back toward the bed.

“Stay with me,” he rasped between kisses as he lowered her down to the mattress. His hands caressed up her outer thighs, pushing up her dress, as his mouth moved down into the valley between her breasts.

Riley dug her hands into his hair, giving it a pull. “Yes,” she moaned as his fingers found the lacy edge of her panties.

Drake drew himself back, bracing his arms on either side of her hips and looked down at her tousled hair, half lidded eyes and flushed cheeks.

“Damn you're beautiful,” he whispered.

With a giggle she brushed her mussed up hair away from her face and struggled to sit up on her elbows. “No, I’m not. I probably look like a mess right now. No doubt my make-..”

They're interrupted by the sound of Drake's phone buzzing on the bedside table. With an unhappy grunt, Drake climbed back off the bed to answer it.

“If that's Beaumont, I'm going to strangle him,” he muttered.

Riley got up off the bed and straightened her dress, “But what if it's Liam?”

Drake glanced at her, holding his finger to his lips. “It is,” he whispered.

She nodded, sitting back down on the bed.

He took a deep breath, and swiped his thumb across his phone screen and exhaled as he answered it.

“Hello?”

On the other end of the phone line Liam's voice sounded agitated, “Hello..Hello Drake?”

Drake sucked in a breath faking a yawn, “Well yeah, who else -..”

“Riley's missing,” Liam interrupted, “Have you seen her?”

Drake glanced at Riley sitting on the other side of his bed, “Not lately, why?” he lied. “What do you mean by missing?”

There's a pause on the other end of the line, and then Liam said, “I proposed to her earlier this evening, but she didn't say yes. When we returned to the hotel we went our separate ways, but just now when I went to her room to talk to her she didn't answer the door.”

Drake scrubbed his hand through his hair trying to think of something to say. “Well maybe she's with Hana… Jesus, Liam you proposed to her right away? What about what's her face?”

“Countess Madeleine, has left the hotel and is probably arranging her flight back to Cordonia.” He answered, sounding irritated. “But right now I’m more concerned about Riley. I’m hoping before we return home that she and I can…talk. I'm guessing my proposal caught her off guard and she's rather overwhelmed by everything that's been happening .”

Drake turned and looked over at Riley, “No kidding she's likely shaken up by everything. We just found that bastard Tariq, and no matter what he said, the media is still going to be asking questions. And what if it leaks out to the press that you’ve already proposed again, so quickly after ending a freaking international engagement tour? They're going to question everything that's been happening since the coronation. So for the sake of Riley's feelings, I think you could give the woman some space to decide what she wants to do with her future.”

Riley nodded slowly, tears in her eyes. She mouthed a silent, “Thank you.”

Liam was quiet for a moment on the other side of the phone line, forcing Drake and Riley into an awkward and uncomfortable silence. When he spoke again Drake nearly dropped his phone.

“You make a good point, Drake, perhaps I have been a little hasty. I appreciate the fact that you and she have become close friends whilst I’ve been preoccupied with the engagement tour. I’m glad Riley has had someone sympathetic in her corner to support her emotionally. Perhaps now you can help both of us.”

Drake can't help but feel his skin crawl a bit at the sudden calmness in Liam's tone. When he looked over at Riley he felt guilt curl its cold fist into his gut. He knows. Somehow Liam knows that Riley's with me right fucking now…

“H – how can I help?” Drake stammered.

“If Riley's truly hiding from me, perhaps she'll be more receptive to an invitation from my best friend. Can you pass along a message that I'd like to have breakfast with both of you tomorrow?”

“Where?”

“In my room,” Liam replied. “Since I’ve interrupted your sleep and you still need to contact Riley, let's meet at 10 am. Is that alright?”

Drake sighed, and rubbed his hand down his face. So much for giving Riley a few days to decide. Now he's using me to force her to choose in a few hours.

“Yeah, I'll see what I can do. Goodnight Li.” Drake grumbled, hanging up.

Drake sat down and tapped out a quick text message to Riley's phone, half expecting to hear the notification sound come from inside his hotel room. But he didn't hear anything. With a groan of defeat he flopped back onto the bed.

“Well, now we're fucked.” he mumbled.

Riley got to her feet, feeling panicked. “What? Why?”

“He’s desperate to see you. I just lied to him and he knows it. And to put the final nail in my coffin, he just invited the both of us to breakfast in his room tomorrow.”

Riley paced the room gathering up Drake's discarded clothing and tossed them into a pile on the chair. “Well I guess that settles it then, I better go.”

Drake turned his head to look at her, “What are you doing?”

“I ..I'm leaving.”

“No, what are you doing with my clothes?” he chuckled.

Riley stopped pacing, but her eyes continued to search the room. “I’m sorry. I tend to tidy things when I feel stressed. In my mind I’m fighting my urge to just set everything on fire and run!”

Drake got up from the bed and held her still by the shoulders. “Trust me, I know how you feel.”

Riley looked him up and down, “Can you at least put on some underwear, you're very distracting when you're naked.”

He stepped back, “Oh right, sorry.”

Riley turned around and went over to look out the window while he got dressed. “You said that you know how I feel,” she said with a sigh. “What do you mean by that?”

Drake tucked his shirt into his jeans and then walked over. He stood a few feet behind her, and shoved his hands into his pockets. He wanted to hold her, but now that they were dressed any kind of intimacy between then had passed. “You don't know Liam like I do. You've only seen the Liam he wants you to see."

Riley turned around, “Why do you say that? He's only been kind and loving to me.”

“Liam's the product of his Royal upbringing, the good and the bad. The sweet, kind and loving Liam that he portrays to the world comes from the nurturing of his Mother. He's been groomed since childhood to become the King of Cordonia one day. He was supposed to be further down the hereditary line after his older brother and his heirs, but now he's been forced to step up and fill his brother's shoes early.”

Riley nodded, “Yes, I know. So what's your point?”

“Up until this social season the heavy weight and responsibility of becoming king hasn't been so much of a concern for him. But now it is, and years of influence and manipulation by your father tend to change a person.”

Riley looked down, feeling sad, “Oh. Poor Liam.”

Drake shook his head and stepped forward, placing a hand on her shoulder and gently lifting her chin. “No, no. Poor us. Don't feel sorry for him. Now that Liam has the power of being king, he will try to use the weight of his duty and responsibility and twist it around until you feel the weight of it too. He’ll try to make his problems yours, and force you to feel guilty if you don't do what he wants you to. And while you wrestle with that guilt he'll bring up the ‘I'm your King’ argument and basically compel you to obey."

Riley is shocked by the honesty on his face, “My God, you're not joking. He's been manipulating you for years, hasn't he?”

Drake sighed, dropping his hands from her and turned away, “He hasn't been cruel about it, we've been friends all this time, but the Crown has been looking after me for years. Now that he's king, that fine line between best friend and loyal subject is blurred all to fuck.”

“But your situation isn't the same as mine. I can still make the choice to walk away from everything. Leave him, Cordonia.”

Drake whirled around to face her again, smacking his hands together and pointing to her for emphasis, the sudden noise makes Riley jump in surprise, “That's my point! You have to use your freedom to choose as your advantage. Don't let him force you into a marriage just because he needs a queen, and he says he “loves" you. Don't feel obligated to fix his mistakes.”

Riley was struck speechless for a moment, her mind buzzed with what Drake had told her. “I have to think about this. But if I go back to my room now, I know I won't be able to sleep. I..I don't want to be alone either. And if he shows up at my door….”

“And if you stay here with me it's damned incriminating for both of us.”

Riley sucked in a deep breath and then let it out, “Ok, now what?”

Drake picked up his phone, “Go freshen up in my bathroom, I'll text Hana to meet you outside your room. I'll escort you back there when you're ready. Hopefully we can avoid being seen by any of Liam's security detail along the way. The longer he thinks you're missing the better."

Riley paused on her way to the bathroom to glance over at Drake. He's looking down at his phone, tapping out his message to Hana, and when he glanced up he gave her a little smile. “It's going to be okay, trust me,” he said.

Riley nodded and then closed the door behind her.

….

Drake slipped on his suit jacket and shoes as Riley returned from the bathroom. The items in his inside pocket, although not heavy in weight, reminded him of their significance as they rested against his chest. When he looked at Riley the ring in the box made him feel like a fool for having hoped for their future, and the antique compass he had purchased for Liam as a wedding gift fed his gnawing guilt for looking at Riley at all.

“Ready?” he asked, feeling less than ready himself.

Riley nodded.

He opened the door to his hotel room, popping his head out to see if anyone was around.

Nobody.

He paused a moment longer to listen.

Still nothing.

Blocking the door open with his shoulder, he looked back to Riley, holding out his hand.

"Ok, we're good to go."

Riley grinned as he took her hand and led her out into the hallway.

"So we're holding hands now, huh?"

Drake chuckled quietly as the door clicked shut behind them, "Just for now. I feel like if I let you go, you're going to run away and get lost."

"Ah, you're sweet. But I am capable of showing you where my room is without being tethered to you like a balloon on a string."

Drake mumbled, "Jeez, and they call me the snarky one."

He looked both ways down the hall, "Which way is your room?"

Riley pointed in the direction of the elevators, and they headed that way.

"Room number?" He asked.

"908."

Drake stopped suddenly, throwing Riley off balance and she let go of his hand.

"You mean our rooms aren't even on the same floor?" He asked, confused.

"No, why?"

Drake shrugged, "I just thought we did, that's all."

When they resumed walking Riley joked, "Oh Drake, even the King of Cordonia can't book a whole floor of a busy Manhattan hotel for his entourage. Good luck with that. This isn't Cordonia, it's America, nine out of ten people here don't even know that your little country exists."

"Well they need a world geography lesson then. I know Maxwell has a room on this floor with me. That's why I assumed you might be on this floor too."

Riley smiled, patting him on the arm, "Who do you think told me where your room was?"

Drake's eyes went wide for a moment as Riley pushed the up button for the elevator. "You don't think he knows that we..." he dropped his voice lower as he looked around, "Does he know you came to my room?"

Riley shook her head, "No, he told me about our room assignments earlier in the evening. And when Liam and I returned to the hotel I didn't see Maxwell at all when I was on the way to see you."

Drake was suddenly aware of how loudly her voice echoed down the empty hallway, and he felt paranoid that one of the many doors would crack open. When the elevator arrived and the doors opened he felt relief wash over him.

Hana's standing in the elevator dressed in silk pyjamas with a cotton tote bag hanging on her shoulder, she smiled and said, "Oh, hey there you two. What's up? I got your text."

Riley rushed over as they entered the elevator and gave Hana a hug, "Oh, Hana. I'm so glad to see you. I'm in need of the kind of company only a best girlfriend can provide."

Drake reached past them to stab the button for the ninth floor. He suddenly felt like a third wheel in the girlfriend hugfest. "I hope my text didn't wake you, I know it's late."

Hana shook her head, "No worries, I wasn't in bed yet. I was actually thinking about inviting Riley over for a girls' night anyway."

Riley beamed, "Oh I'm so glad, I've had enough guy drama for the evening. Please tell me you've brought snacks."

Drake frowned, "Thanks a lot. Nice to know our time together was so satisfying ."

Hana looked between Drake and Riley and noticed the way they were dressed, "Your time together? Were you two out on a date?"

Drake shifted his gaze back to Riley, "Not, exactly. It was more like an unexpected hijacking."

Riley smirked at him as the elevator doors opened, "Yeah, I crashed your evening pretty good didn't I."

"Oh, you crashed it really hard, a couple of times." He chuckled .

Hana grabbed Riley by the hand, "Uh..I think we have something we need to talk about, in private. Come along Riley. Goodnight, Drake."

"Goodnight, ladies. Oh, and Brooks. ..don't forget our breakfast at 10am."

Once Riley and Hana had left the elevator, Drake stabbed the button for the lobby. A whiskey at the bar was calling his name.

.................

Tagging :

@lunaseasblog @kingliam2019 @imjusthereforliam @jovialyouthmusic @debramcg1106 @fluffyfirewhiskey @nestledonthaveone

[watermelonlovershigh]

Harry Gets Food Poisoning While at Your House

This prompt was requested by this ask and I just put my own take on it. Hope everyone enjoys.

Things to help you understand this story better:

(Boyfriend-Girlfriend/Dating for 2 years/Harry stays over at your place a lot/You ate something different than Harry/Dunkirk Harry era)

(wish that photo was really Harry but unfortunately its not. dead give away by the hand :( )

Harry and yourself decided to order Chinese take-out for a at-home date night. You both scoffed down the tasty food while sitting on the sofa watching romantic comedies. Once you finished eating, you and Harry cuddled together on the sofa under a warm fluffy blanket. You laying on your back and Harry laying on his tummy between your legs, with his head resting on your boobs. While focusing on the film, you run your small fingers in his brown curls and he relaxes into your touch, letting out content sighs.

About an hour after eating, Harry becomes restless on top of you. Before, he was laying peacefully, but now he's squirming every few seconds. "You alright babe?" you question down to Harry on your chest.

"Mhmm my stomachs starting to hurt." he replies truthfully. He's unsure the cause but his stomach is swirling and his heart rate is picking up at the mere thought of having to be sick. Especially the thought of being sick at his girlfriends house during the at-home date you had planed. He doesn't want to ruin it by getting sick.

"Oh m'sorry. Do you think it was the Chinese food?" you speak remorsefully.

"I don't know but I don't want to be sick," Harry says with a voice crack indicating he's actually getting upset, "and ruin our date night." When he finishes his sentence, he starts softly sobbing into your chest.

"Hey, hey, Harry," you say sternly but still in your caring voice, "you would not be ruining our date night. You can't help if your feel sick. Do you maybe want to go sit in the bathroom so you're closer to the toilet?"

Harry just nods his head and you help him stand up from his position on your chest and onto his barley stable feet. Then you guide him to your downstairs hall bathroom because its the closest bathroom to your living room. You walk Harry up to the toilet and help him kneel down in front and you squat down behind him. "I feel so sick y/n!" Harry moans out through shallow breaths.

"It's gonna be okay Harry. I'm right here. It's okay to be sick. I won't be mad." you reassure your boyfriend so he knows he doesn't have to keep in his sick for your sake and so he'll feel better. Because you know undoubtedly he has food poisoning from the Chinese food he ate earlier and if he keeps the toxins in his body, he will just feel sicker and sicker.

Harry's back arches over the toilet as he lets out a sickly sounding gag. You grimace at the noise but know you must keep it together to take care of him and comfort him. He's breathing rather heavy with his mouth hanging open and saliva dripping out into the water. "Shhh babe, just relax and throw up. Your tummy will feel so much better after." you gently coo in his ear. You have one hand rubbing circles on his muscular back and one hand pushing back his curly bangs that's falling in his face. He lets out a harsh dry heave and it follows with a long stream of vomit exiting out his mouth and splattering in the toilet water. You have to close your eyes to not be sick yourself.

In-between spells of emptying his stomach, Harry mutters, "You can leave me in here alone. Don't want you seeing me like this." He is absolutely crazy to think you'd leave him in such a vulnerable state. You love Harry and him being sick doesn't stray you away from being by his side in such a situation.

"Harry, I am not leaving you. I don't care if you're sick. You've seen me sick many times and took care of me each of those times. So I'm taking care of you." you calmly say back. Honestly, Harry feels so sick that he doesn't try and argue with you. If he's being truthful, he's actually thankful you're with him, comforting him, because he hates being sick alone. He may not admit that out loud but its true. Something else that happens when Harry's sick, alone or with someone there with him, he gets emotional. An uncontrollable emotion that follows during or after getting sick. One thing he hates most about this situation right now is looking weak in front of you. He's always so strong and being this vulnerable in your eyes suck.

What Harry doesn't know is that you like this side of him. Not the sick version of course but the weak side. It shows he isn't perfect and you honestly don't think you could even date someone who puts themselves out as such.

Harry forcefully throws up a few more times until he's just dry heaving with nothing more to expel. "I think you're done babe." you tell Harry softly as he's dry heaving with no results.

Harry just shakes his head weakly and replies, "I still feel sick though. My stomach hurts so bad." Tears are rolling down his face and his hands that grip the sides of the toilet seat are slightly shaking.

"I know but I think the toilet is making you feel more sick." You reach over him to flush his puke down the toilet so he doesn't have to look at it a minute longer. Harry sits up straight and turns his head back slowly to look at you. This is the first time you have seen his face clearly since he's gotten sick tonight and the first thing you notice is how red his eyes are, probably from all the gagging and dry heaving, and you see the wetness of his cheeks due to crying. Along with the bit of vomit that his on the corner of his pink lips and line of sweat on his forehead. You feel horrible for him. You'd hate to be in his position but almost wish the roles were reversed, just to take his discomfort away. That's how much you love him. You'd do just about anything for Harry. Even if that means take his food poisoning away from him and have it yourself.

You reach for some toilet paper and rip a piece off to wipe his mouth clean. While wiping his vomit covered mouth, Harry just sits and stares at you. He feels so little right now. Almost like he's a small child who's just been sick and their mum is cleaning them up. Even though Harry is embarrassed he got sick on what was supposed to be a lovely date night where you both ate non contaminated food, watched film after film, trying not to fall asleep, or maybe had some romantic intimacy at the end of the night, he actually feels happy right now. Not happy his stomach is upset but happy he got lucky enough to have a caring girlfriend that is by his side during his ugliest moments. He thinks he may have just fell more in love with you. Seeing how compassionate you are towards him when he's sick.

When you finish wiping around his mouth and a little bit of nasty drainage from his nose, Harry becomes emotional again. Like stated previously, he always gets quite emotional when he's sick but that's not the only cause of his emotions right now. He is also crying because he's thinking about how much he truly loves you and how he never thought he'd find someone with your level of compassion.

You throw away the soiled tissue and pull Harry forward so you can embrace him in a warm hug. You don't really understand why he's crying so much. Is it because his stomach is still hurting or he's embarrassed? "Why are you crying Harry?" you question him then continue, "It's alright. I'll give you medicine to make you feel better. Don't worry about that."

While rubbing both hands up and down his sweaty back, Harry says through soft sobs, "I just love you so much. How did I get so lucky. I've had partners in the past to push me away when I was sick and you didn't. You stayed and took care of me." He lifts his head so he can view your face when he mutters out the rest. "I'm gonna marry you one day you know. Want to call you my wife. Want to have lots of babies with you. Be with you till I'm a hundred. Promise I do."

His words have brought tears to your eyes. Knowing how grateful Harry is that you're taking care of him when he's sick means so much. You didn't think twice before helping him when he said he felt sick, so it must be the true love you feel for this man crying in your hold. With a shaky smile and watery eyes, you look at him in his glossy green eyes and say, "I would kiss you right now but I have a feeling your breath smells like puke so I'll pass. Love you so much Harry and of course I took care of you. I love you and that's what you do for the people you love. Take care of them in their weakest moments."

You hold him for a few more minutes on the bathroom floor until your bum gets sore from the hard tiles. You help Harry stand to his feet and walk him to your bedroom located up the stairs of your house. Then you help him slide into bed and tell him you'll be right back with some medicine and a glass of water.

A few minutes later, you come back with the upset stomach tablets and water for Harry to take and ease his turning tummy. Once he's taken the medicine, you go grab your mini trash bin in your bathroom and place it beside the bed incase he feels like he's gonna throw up again. Then you turn all the lights off and crawl under the warm blankets with your boyfriend. Without hesitation, Harry scoots over and places his head on your chest. He's past the point of being scared to look weak. He just wants comfort and the one thing that brings him the most is you. The love of his life. "Thank you for taking care of me tonight." Harry whispers with a hoarse voice.

"You don't need to thank me babe. I was glad to be there for you. I know you don't like getting sick and I was happy to at least make the experience a little bit better. Now go to sleep and if you feel sick again, the bin is on the floor beside the bed for you. Also don't be afraid to wake me up if you feel nauseous. I want to be there to comfort you." you reply back in a whispered tone. You kiss the top of his messy curls and Harry relaxes into your hold on him. Feeling safe and secure in your loving arms. Then you both fall fast asleep.

Thankfully Harry didn't get sick anymore through-out the night and the medicine you gave him seemed to have worked. The next day he was just exhausted form exerting so much energy being sick the day before but other than that, his stomach felt calm. You made him homemade chicken soup and cuddled him in bed, watching his favorite movies all day. Loving every second you get to spend with Harry before he has to leave and go on his world tour in a months time.

MASTERLIST & My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST

[igotathingforvampires]

Marcus x F!Human Reader | A Tug of Fate | Wildest Dreams Taylor Swift Inspo Babble

TRIGGER WARNING: CANONICAL TALK OF WANTING TO UNALIVE DUE TO LOSS

CANON DIVERGENT: DIDYME IS NOT MURDERED BY ARO BUT KILLED IN RAID

It was a rather bleak day, granted every day was bleak if it was Marcus' opinion. He didn't need sleep, hadn't for the last six thousand years, though the last thousand had made him want to close his eyes and not wake up.

If he had his way-- which he wouldn't thank to his blasted-- loving-- albeit pushy brothers and sisters.

Marcus was of the mind that after living as long as he did, once you lost your anchor there was no point in one even being here. And ever since she was gone. Lost to him and the world in an array of violence and diamond dust ash. He hadn't had the ability to even fathom a world without her.

And so, he had trudged, along and quiet, alone and miserable, weighted by the thousands of years of killing, betrayal, ruling, and chaos. But the one thing that had been a constant was the sweetest voice in the world calling his name.

As he stared out at Volterra from his rooms, he exhaled an unneeded breath, it was utterly bleak-- truly so. How was he supposed to keep going, for what another thousand, maybe more if humans didn't obliterate them all with their nuclear nonsense.

Marcus leaned over and placed his head in his hands staring at his feet. There it was again that incessant tug that had been happening for the last three days, pulling out his window into the city.

A chain had formed and he had no concept as to where it would lead, this phantom taunting from his own gift. Ghosts of the past, perhaps he was finally losing it.

But then as he turned his head, a flash of a sound.

A bell like laugh followed by words of humor. "Come on, you can't even look in there? Awe! It's so beautiful! Hm...seems kinda familiar..."

The voice trails off-- and the jerk of the chain is painful.

The voice had sounded so disappointed.

Marcus glared at the silence outside his windows past the gardens he and his love had built to the wall where the voice taunted him. Beckoned him, called him like a sailor to the sea to drown his misery in waters of oblivion.

With more determination than he had in a millennia he strode into his closet and got ready in a flash.

---

---

Your hand traces the walls of the gigantic palace like structure, the stone feels-- hm, it's hard to place, in fact this entire place feels just-- familiar.

You had booked a trip out of sheer randomness, flinging a dart at the board and it had landed in Italy, bringing a bigger map you had flung another dart and here you were-- Volterra.

What were the odds that this place had been in your dreams?

No one knew, none of your tour group, none of the people who jostled you along because it was time to check out the plaza and shops.

"I wonder what was in there..." you mutter softly unaware of the eyes watching you carefully till you turn and see a shadow partially covered by a walkway, sunlight carefully filtering through the greenery and terracotta roofing. "Hello?" You call smiling at the tall figure. "Hi! uh sorry I don't speak Italian but are you needing anything?"

The shadow moves back a few steps. You frown, and shrug, "well okay! Bye-bye!" you wave and prance back to your group.

---

---

Marcus had paused, you were not what he was expecting. Watching you in a sun dress with the setting twilight of Volterra glittering off your bangles and sun kissed skin.

He knew you.

But did you know him?

He followed carefully, watching as your group circled the plaza and fountain. Your head turned and caught sight of him, and you froze. Blinking quickly as if to clear your head. "Hi there!" A beaming smile crossed your face, honey eyes gleaming. Oh he knew those eyes. It was impossible to miss the specks of brown and tawny spindles of circles that would glitter with happiness.

Not your red eyes...oh no...not yet...

But did you remember.... you were not who you were...you were a new person... not weighted down by the sorrows of the past, a second chance to a clean slate of happiness....was that the Gods designs?

Had you come back?

Marcus sees you step forward, "excuse me. Do you live here?"

I thought heaven can't help me now Nothing lasts forever....

But this is gonna take me down

----

----

Your stunned. He's utterly beautiful. A tragic beauty you think, Romanesque features, tall build and so utterly still like a Sentinal posted at the gates of eternity waiting-- what was he waiting for...

The man nods, "yes, I am." His voice is pitched deep enough to rattle in your ear drums, and strike something deep in your soul. You're confused for a moment.

"Oh! how lovely, it's a beautiful city! I was about to go to a tour of the--" you pointed at a lovely lady gathering people but he is suddenly right in front of you.

"That is not a good idea, I hear the tour is quite dull."

"Awe...but it's for the Palazzo..." you pout a bit, "is it really that dull?"

He's watching you, as if trying to figure something out, "that is actually where I work, would you like a private tour?"

You smirk, "You're not a serial killer are you?"

He bows, half at the waist, a elegant-- out of time-- movement as he offers you a hand, one that engulfs your hand entirely as it closes on your fingers. "You shall be in the best care cara mia."

You realize he's freezing, and something clicks, another thought that this feels all too familiar. Those onyx eyes, the soft smile on his lips, the light lingering in his gaze as he looks straight into your soul.

----

----

I can see the end as it begins My one condition is...

Marcus has given you a tour of the entire Palazzo, hanging to keep the guard and you separated, and you away from the throne room away from the screams.

But as he comes to the garden he pauses. You're chattering away asking so many questions and tugging on his sleeve. He smiles at the happiness you have-- the bond is there, the same....the bond he had missed, but it's stronger, it's pure and it isn't weighted by the tainting of sorrow or the ever present torture of wanting to leave immortality.

He couldn't make you happy....you had been so bereft with immortality.

How were any of them to know?

But now? Marcus watched as you perused the gardens smiling at all the flowers. The setting sun sparking off auburn and black in your hair.

You glanced over your shoulder at him and smiled.

Say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress Staring at the sunset, babe Red lips and rosy cheeks Say you'll see me again Even if it's just in your wildest dreams

----

---

"Can I ask you something?" you pause and glance at him.

"As I've said you may ask me anything and I shall answer it for you."

"You're going to think I'm crazy." You watch him pause, this mysterious guardian you've acquired. "D-do...do I know you?"

He raises a brow, but you can see it, the twitch of an emotion that is barely held in check.

"I... I feel like I do...and it's odd. I've never been here, I've never met you before but I--" you swallow feeling a deep welling of pain in your heart. "I missed you...." you don't understand and you feel tears clog your throat as you instinctively reach for him.

But he's caught your hand, a desperate, ecstatic look on his face. "I don't even know your name this time...." He whispers as he presses a cold kiss to your palm.

And his voice is a familiar sound Nothing lasts forever....

but this is getting good now

"it's y/n..." you whisper.

A wide smile. "....little one....Do you remember my name?"

You pause, and the answer floats up to your lips like bubbling champagne from a uncorked bottle.

Sweet, drunken, loving, everything, nothing, the world, and the universe wrapped up in heart strings of red.

"Marcus...."

Suddenly you're embraced, a cold kiss to your lips and the empty ache that had presided your whole life in your heart--

Was suddenly gone.

[rogue-durin-16]

THINGS NEVER GO AS PLANNED (Part VI/VII)

"the downfall"

Summary: After Fred's death, George and Y/n lean on each other to carry on. This wasn't the most brilliant idea, though; George was pretty much in love with the girl, and Y/n— well, she had been dating Fred prior to the Battle of Hogwarts.

Pairing: George Weasley x Reader

Genre: angst mostly

Tags:

Suggested by: @crispykittywitch

Things never go as planned: @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @beautyschoo1dropout @s1ut4georgeweasley @sunshineandshadows @missmulti @accioweaslcy @andreaareynoso @georgeweasley16 @dianarte @skarlettmikaelson

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa @just-here-to-escape-from-reality

Warnings: language, allusions to sex

A/N: my apologies for keeping y'all waiting for this one darlings, but here comes the next part YAYY! Enjoy <3

Prologue: the aftermath

Part I: sleepless nights

Part II: candy floss

Part III: shock therapy

Part IV: wrong name

Part V: the perfect excuse

Part VII: apart

Epilogue: I still love you

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

He had left me in the room that morning, alone, with regret and guilt straining my chest, with embarrassment and panic heaving over me, my only company being a terrible headache and a sore body.

I was still waiting for him to come back. Of course, he still lived in the apartment, but the day after, he slept at Shell Cottage because Bill needed help with the chores, and the next night at the Burrow because Molly had asked to keep an eye on 'the kids' —the kids being Ginny, Harry, Ron and Hermione— while she and Arthur were off to visit Andromeda, and at Lee's because Angelina was away and they were going to have a boys' weekend; in summary, he managed to avoid stepping into the flat while I was in there for an entire week.

I would be lying if I said the idea of moving out hadn't crossed my mind, but I knew I was being dramatic— we were being dramatic; we were adults, even if we forgot about it more often than not, and adults talk things out, so I decided to confront him at the only place I would manage to corner him; the shop.

When I descended from the office on the second floor, I spotted the ginger turning the 'CLOSED' to face the glass door. "Oi!" His head snapped to me as I climbed downstairs and he instantly walked to the shelves on the opposite side. "Can I have a word?" I requested, following him, only for George to move on to another shelf.

"Right now I'm quite busy." He replied, seemingly absent-minded as he pretended to check the products in front of him.

"This is important." I insisted, moving to stand besides him.

Not fast enough, though, because he was off to yet another part of the shop as soon as I got close. "I'm sure it can wait."

"You know it can't," I assured intently, stalking after him, only for him to speed up his own pace, moving from product to product without stopping too long in front of him. "George I'm- Oi, stop! We need to talk about this!"

"Well maybe I don't wanna talk about this!" He exclaimed, taking big steps under one of the stairs in order to shamelessly dodge the hand with which I had reached out to stop him.

"George Weasley don't run away from me!"

"I'm not running away from you!"

"You're literally RUNNING AWAY!"

He stopped circling the counter and stood across from me, slamming his palms over the till. "ALRIGHT, LOVE!" for the first time, I didn't like the way the name dripped off his tongue. "Let's talk about how we accidentally FUCKED! That's what you want so badly, isn't it?!" Flush crept up his neck and ears, and I couldn't tell if it was from anger or from timidness. "Go on, darling, lead the bloody way!"

I felt my own cheeks going red, partly because of his straightforward statement but also because I genuinely had never heard George raise his voice like he had just done.

"Cat's got your tongue now?!" My stuttering seemed to fuel his anger more. "C'mon, Y/n, talk! You wanted to talk!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, GEORGE!" He clenched his jaw as his freckles drowned in a sea of pinkish red. "Yeah I want to talk! 'Cause that's what grown-ups do! We don't know how to act around each other so we just don't spend time together anymore— Fuck, I've barely seen you! AND WE. LIVE. TOGETHER!" I emphasised each word with stomps. "We can either pretend it didn't happen or talk it out to make sure we're on the same page, you choose but for Merlin's sake, don't avoid me!"

"OKAY!" His eyes widened, surprised at his own tone, and then he repeated in a softer, self-conscious one, "Okay." He breathed deeply and then added. "We're on the same page, right?" His eyebrows raised as he looked into my eyes. "It was... A mistake."

I should have noticed the uncertainty and hope in his voice, but I panicked and was too quick to respond, "Yeah! A massive mistake." My words stung my heart and, to my dismay, his own just as much. "Can we go back to being friends? Because I'm going crazy without you." I blamed our watery eyes to the argument we had had, and not to the fact that it had been a mistake.

He circled the counter and walked to me, hesitating before pulling me into a hug. "Can I...?" I tugged him closer, wrapping my arms around his middle. It took a moment for him to ease into my embrace, and I could tell we had fucked up our friendship for good. "It's alright, we'll make it right again." His words made me squeeze him tighter, as if he was about to vanish from my side.

And from then, we tried to make it right, we tried so hard, because it seemed so easy to make it wrong again.

Everytime we stood too close, everytime he leaned on to whisper something, everytime I helped him with his tie, our eyes would fall on each other's lips; I would sometimes drift off the conversation, staring too much at his mouth and hands, wandering if they would feel just as amazing as they had done while we were drunk.

"Y/n are you listening?"

"Uh yeah- I mean, no- sorry, what?"

I was so focused on trying to hide it that I didn't notice George was in the exact same situation, meaning that neither of us could give in, because we would go down together. In all honesty, it was doomed to happen at some point, we were just delaying the inevitable.

The moment came the last night of January, when George showed up in my room due to a really rough nightmare, and I, as always, invited him in so we could lay down together.

"Isn't this... Weird?" He murmured as we scooted closer. We had kept physical contact at bay for obvious reasons, and cuddling had been off the table since New Year.

"It doesn't have to be." I replied, my voice as quiet as his. "We've done this a thousand times."

"Right." He cleared his throat, averting his eyes from mines as we shifted in our places ever so slightly, trying to find a position where the situation turned less awkward.

And it happened, my mind got lost on the way his neck tensed, on the damp locks hanging over his forehead, sweaty due to the nightmare; on his plump lips, which he had just wetted with his tongue in the most subtle way. It was a nervous habit of him, something he would usually do, but that didn't make it any less hot.

"George..." I called his name without noticing, my heart hammering violently against my chest when his gaze landed on my eyes, quickly falling on my lips.

The next thing I knew was that he was holding my thigh over his hip, his other hand on the back of my neck while we shared a hungry kiss that, as soon as my hips involuntarily rocked against his, turned into something more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

GEORGE'S P. O. V.

The next morning we swore to each other that it was just another accident, that it would happen again.

And the next one too.

And the following.

The fifth time that happened, we agreed to call the situation a 'friends with benefits' kind of thing, well aware that it was an euphemism for the downfall of our friendship.

I had longed to be hers for so long, and it that moment, as I lay by her side in her bed, that wish seemed so close yet so far; I could reach out and my fingertips would touch her skin, yet I had never felt that distant towards her.

The moment my eyes were averted from her form, her gaze was laid on me. "You don't have to go."

"I know." I replied in a mumble, already sitting up and reaching for my pants. "But soon we'll have to get up, so I might as well do that and let you sleep." I didn't want to turn around, I didn't want to see her beautiful irises pleading for me to stay by her side, because I knew I would.

I saw on my peripheral vision her fingers attempting to carefully wrap around my wrist, and I was quick to stand up and walk to the door; sadly, I did not miss Y/n burying her face into the pillow, her hands fisting on the fabric ever so subtly.

She tried to hide her tears like that, and I agressively wiped mines as soon as I reached the corridor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Morning, lady!" I light-heartedly greeted Y/n without turning my back to the making of our breakfast when I heard the steps approaching the kitchen.

In the morning it was easier to pretend everything was back to normal; usually, the refreshing sunlight and the drowsiness provided by a night of sleep were enough to wash away the sad truth of our relationship.

"Good morning, sir." She responded with a yawn, rubbing her eyes as she walked to stand besides me, leaning against the counter with her arms folded. "Smells good." She commented, leaning on to take a peek at the scrambled eggs.

I was about to make a cocky, playful comment when it dawned on me what she was wearing; it was my jumper, one of the old ones that I exclusively used for pyjamas.

I knew she didn't do it intently; I had left it on the floor the previous night, and it was probably the first thing she grabbed, but it struck a nerve.

I had seen a similar scene way too many times before; a sleepy, dishevelled Y/n entering the kitchen with an ugly Weasley jumper as only clothing, ready to start the bickering with an almost identical version of me who would be making breakfast.

My head then travelled to the thought that lately crossed my mind more often than not and my heart clenched; In Y/n's eyes, I was, most likely, just a poor replacement for Fred.

"You alright?" That worried furrow appeared between her brows too often lately. We were both walking on eggshells, and it got me on my nerves.

"You don't have to ask if I'm alright every time I'm quiet." I hadn't meant it to come out harsh or curt, but it definitely did.

"You're not quiet, you're overthinking." She responded with a tinge of hostility.

"What's to overthink?" I fought the need to raise my voice.

"Dunno, you tell me." She squinted her eyes with a scrutinising gaze directed to me.

"Can we not do this?" I almost pleaded; heated arguments had become a usual thing between us —yet another sign of the unfixable problem we refused to address.

Y/n was about to reply something that would lead us into a fight when the doorbell rung. "Mister Weasley?" I took that as a cue to go open the door to Verity, already dressed on her uniform. "The Valentine's Day products arrived, should I unpack them or..." Her eyes flickered behind me and her cheeks heated up. "Y/n—" When I looked over my shoulder, I felt my own face flushing out of embarrassment. Y/n was still my employee and Fred's ex, so Verity catching a glimpse of her dressed in my jumper wasn't the best thing for any of us. "I— am I— sorry, am I interrupting?"

"You're not interrupting." I assured her with a reassuring smile. "Leave the boxes on the puking pastries section, we'll be down in ten."

"Alright, sir." Her curious gaze travelled to Y/n one last time, and with that, she was rushing back down to the shop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

READER'S P. O. V.

The ache that had appeared on my chest the day after New Year would end up killing me, or at least it felt like that.

I had a dreadful gut feeling of knowing what caused that pain, but my mind refused to believe it was that, and kept pushing the sensation back into my heart day by day.

George had gone to relocate the puking pastries in the upper level of the shop so I could prepare the section with the Valentine's Day products.

My eyes dawned on the small packages of Amortentia. I knew it was a terrible idea but I needed to know.

I took a look around, making sure Verity wasn't near and George was up still, and brought one of the Amortentias under my nose. It didn't take long for the scents to besot me, and I had to put all my will on not to fall under the potion's spell.

The first smell to reach my nostrils was gunpowder; my heart skipped a bit when the next scent was vanilla.

Then strawberry and chocolate; candy floss cupcakes and George's cologne.

The tiny, heart-shaped bottle fell from my hands, scattering all over the shop's floor. "Shit!" I rapidly kneeled to pick the shattered glass when I realized it had echoed in the empty establishment.

"Oi! What was that?" George descended from the second floor, using the ladder. "Oh shit—" his hands took a hold on my bicep and pulled me away from the pool of pinkish pearl liquid that seemed to be attracting me. "Don't!" He warned Verity, who had attempted to jog in the potion's direction too. "Verity, can you bring me my wand?" The girl complied running up to the office.

In Verity's absence, George took the chance and cupped my cheeks, tilting my head up to check my eyes. "You alright?" I managed to give him a slow nod, my mind buzzing with the newly acquired information. "Getting the Amortentias was a bad idea, wasn't it?" I nodded again, producing a frown between his eyebrows. "No 'told you so'? Are you sure you're alright?" He chuckled nervously, his hands falling to his sides right in time for Verity to rush back to us.

"Here, Mister Weasley!"

"Thank you, darling." He politely replied, taking the wand and restoring the potion bottle in a swift movement. His eyes peeked at me again; I could see the worry growing on him. "Y/n-"

"I'm gonna go wash my face." The words hastily left my mouth before I dashed off to the restroom.

I closed the door behind me and took a look at the mirror; my pupils were blown and my cheeks pink. I ran the tab and splashed the water on my face a few times until the potion's mild effect was gone and my mind clear.

It was in that moment that it dawned on me that I was in love with George Weasley.

[belladoesmakeup]

Hey guys!

Hope you're all doing well. Over the last 4 months I have really started enjoying cream makeup products. Since my skin type is oily combo these are products I never would of used before but skin my skincare has really helped my skin I can really enjoy cream based products.

Since cream products have been so popular lately I wanted to show you a drugstore and high-end liquid blush option for a liquid blush! Both of these blushers have become quick favs of mine recently and I genuinely use them all the time. First up we are going to chat about the drugstore option which is the Revolution Superdewy Liquid blush , £5.00 in the shade Fake The Flush which is a peachy toned pink. Though this is from the superdewy collection I would say this colour is actually more matte than glowy which I didn't expect. It has a subtle shine but nothing crazy. Since I'm really fair I prefer something with a buildable coverage so I have more control with the product.

Next up we have the high-end version which is the Charlotte Tilbury Glowgasm Beauty Wand in the shade Pinkgasm , £29.00. This particular product is a highlighting pink blush so unlike the Rev product it is designed to be more glowy. I love applying this blush because it has the famous cushion tip applicator so what I tend to do is draw a little circle in the centre of my cheek and then blend it out. This blush is very pigmented so again I like to start off with a little and build up colour if I want more pigment.

Out of all the makeup products I have tried recently liquid blushers have probably surprised me the most with how much I love wearing them and how easy they are to use. Now in the case of drugstore vs high-end both products are really easy to blend, super pigmented and leave me with the perfect hit of colour. Whether it's a high-end or a drugstore product it's good to try something new because I used to hate blush and now I can't live without it. Like I said I'm hella pale so a pop of colour does me wonders.

Lots of love

Bella x x

[vivwrite]

With the Ghost of You(When the Sun Goes Down We All Get Lonely)

Maybe he’s just imagining, maybe its just another fantasy he pictures, but Luke seems semitransparent, a halo casting around his figure, holy, angelic.

“The night was very long but it didn’t seem long to the Snow Man; he stood lost in his own pleasant thoughts, and they froze until they crackled.”

or: Ashton meets Luke in a library, and the story tells itself. (AO3 link👇)

ooookay so my first fic for lashton and 5sos . Thanks for reading it. And tbh I'm extremely nervous because English's not my first language. So sorry for the mistakes lol.

One thing: I read Marquez's work in my first language, and I can't find the English version of it, so I translated the title and first sentence to English. There might be a mistake so sorry again lol

-

Ashton has always loved the library.

It isn't the school library, which is always so grand, demure, solemn, much like a robot- no, too cold and inhuman.

What he prefers, rather, is a smaller one run by a group of retired professors. It seems determined to hide itself in the northeastern corner of the campus, made up of three small but never crowded reading rooms. No matter when he walks through the doors be can find lamps shading yellowish circles on wooden tables, rows and rows of bookshelves up to the ceiling, and seats, beside small windows where the sunlight outside leaks in just perfectly on sunny afternoons.

To him it's always a getaway, a secret hiding place from the stressed and sometimes too fast school life, the only friend he can turn to when he isn't that enthusiastic about life, a comfort when facing another rock bottom. He's already studying a too rational subject; he'd love spending some time being just sensitive in here.

He'd spend hours and hours wandering among the bookshelves, picking one when he feels like it, skimming a few pages before deciding to read on or not. By doing this he feels just like a boy on the beach, amazed by an emerald or sapphire brought on shore by waves from time to time- what matters isn't just the book he gets. It's more of the communicating, the chore he gets to strike.

-

Unsatisfactory experiment result, loads of homework, a long and tiresome discussion with the professor about his research orientation- which he thinks is too early for him to consider, but she insists that as he has already got postgraduate recommendation he needs to consider it fully right now- and Ashton finds himself wandering in the library again, walking aimlessly, not for finding books, just to feel the connection.

It is a strange feeling, really, to be connected with books. Most of them on the shelves just seem to be books as they are, silent, quiet, lifeless. But, well, maybe it’s just his imagination- but some particular ones seem to be staring back- especially that one.

His hand automatically moves to pick that book out of the column.

It is quite delicate, a hard back small enough to be held on one hand, the title shimmering under the dim lights.

Ann’s Diary.

He remembers reading it in his teen years.

“Sorry, but that's mine.”

Ashton springs from the bookshelf. The book slips straight from his hand, hitting the wooden floor with a thud, as a boy rounds up from the other side.

He's tall- even taller than Ashton. And quite young, a freshman or sophomore, maybe. He is staring at Ashton from behind those strands of blonde, messy curls falling off to his face, piercing pale blue eyes met with his hazel ones, and that made his breath hitch for a second- although those eyes are definitely showing dismay.

"I... I don't really understand." He tries his best to cover all the confusion and fear- dealing with strangers always makes him uncomfortable (although he can manage it by acting cheerful and shit), especially with a pissed one.

But the boy seems determined to stay silent and on edge. He just flips the first page open, gesturing to a mark on it.

It's a two-word initial. Must have written quite a long time ago, as the lines are a bit blurry and the ink has faded into light gray. But he still recognizes the word, written in Italic, reading "L.H.".

Wait. The librarians never said that there is a place for personal collections.

Before he can ask about it the boy swirls around and walks off, leaving alone a dumbfounded Ashton.

-

He goes to ask the librarians, then the curator(because the librarians know nothing), about books with a L. H. written on it.

"This is a long story, darling, but it's late." Mrs. Hemmings' voice is collected and calm as always, but Ashton can tell that there is something as her eyes are a bit dull, "Maybe the other day."

-

His favorite spot in the library is a small table tucked behind seven rows of bookshelves of English literature(yes, he counts how many bookshelves are there), just besides a small window. Others rarely find it- unless they're crazy for novels by Adeline Virginia Woolf or they're just too bored to do anything else.

That's why he chooses here- There's no disruption, no noise, only the random shuffle for a person searching for books and pages being turned. Being alone.It suits him.

The sound of a chair pulling broke the silence,ripping him from the novel plot- someone has slipped into the chair opposite of him.

Well, fuck.

Ashton lifts his head from the pages, slight agitation rising from his chest, which shifted to utter surprise as his eyes meet a strangely familiar shade of blue.

Before he could say anything the boy blurts out , "Please... I want to explain."

For a moment Ashton just sits there, staring. Thoughts cloud his mind, tangling messily, laying conflicted- He was so senseless but now he seems so sincere! He won't trust his own voice right now, afraid that something stupid pops up all of a sudden. So he decides to just nod, a silent permit for the stranger to go on.

The boy clears his throat, looking a little nervous, "About the incident yesterday... I'm sorry. Got into something stupid and was shouted at all day long- but, I mean, fuck, even that isn't the reason I became such a jerk to you. I'm not trying to defend myself, but please don't be angry... Oh my fucking god, I don't know what I'm saying." He groans, pushing a hand through his curls, messing it up a bit.

Well, isn't that adorable.

Ashton hears himself chuckling, "I understand, no worries. Everyone has a bad day, don't we?"

He watches as the boy visibly relaxes with the reassuring words, a smile slipping on on his face, "Yeah, I guess. Thanks... Um, what's your name, by the way?"

Oh, right.

"Ashton."

"Thanks, Ashton." the boy's smile widens, "I'm Luke."

So the initial does belong to him. The L. H..

It's not until silence falls that Ashton realizes he may have stared at those sea- blue, sincere eyes for a bit too long. Hastily he ducked his head into his novel, flushed, trying to pick up the stream of Woolf's consciousness again.

"Virginia Woolf?" Luke's voice cuts in, and to Ashton's surprise- filled with pure interest.

Everyone else just thinks he's crazy and nerdy fancying Woolf's works.

"You like her?" He can't help but feel hope lighting up.

"One of my favorite!" Luke's literally buzzing with excitement, like a puppy finally getting some fresh air after a long lockdown in the house, "Never found another person to discuss, though. Everyone just say it's too hard to understand and shits."

And with that their conversation swiftly shifts into a heated discussion about stream of consciousness novels, to Woolf, then Proust, Faulkner, all way up the history, even to Freud- and Ashton finds, surprisingly, that they can strike a chord in every part of it- and the way Luke talks relentlessly, smiling so broad, eyes shining and hands waving- tells him he holds the same feelings, same thought, same passion.

His throat's sore- he hasn't talked that much in like, forever- but that doesn't stop him from being smug like an idiot when he leaves the library.

He's been alone for a long time, But it seems that he has finally found someone.

-

He starts to spend more time in the library- first just to do some more leisure reading and writing stuff there, then he starts bring his textbooks and laptop there to finish his homework, then even starts to stay there as long as he neither has classes nor needs to go back to the dorm. Yes, he admits it's kind of strange one's never tired of a library- especially that he has already ploughed through every part since he first stepped into it- but he knows why- a cute boy with ocean blue eyes and a smile is always there now.

It has become a routine. Luke accompanies him every day, sometimes already halfway through a novel when Ashton arrives, while other times Luke shows up merrily when he’s buried in the middle of projects and homework, bringing in a sense of cool breeze and fresh air before peeking over and ushering him to take a break(well sometimes the work has to be done, but Luke’s so sweet that he can’t refuse). Their time spent together is usually quiet, Ashton either typing away on his laptop or on a book, while Luke is immersed in his own novel, just piping up from time to time to discuss the plot or asking about the author. Topic wanders- books, school life, bands, music (seriously, how many same hobbies do they hold?).

They have went through so many fields- Stream of Consciousness to Science Fiction, Agatha Christie to Akudagawa, Shakespeare's Sonnet to Samuel Ullman's prose, but the list still seems far from ending. To Ashton's surprise Luke have read most of the writers not only by representative works but also less- famous chapters- many of which he only knows but has never read. He had thought he's an English Literature student, but Luke amazed him again by saying he studies Math actually- the same amazement occurred again when Luke discovered the chemistry paper Ashton's working on.

He can’t recall the last time he felt this content -Well, he can’t even remember when he has become so silent and depressed, on edge and under pressure.

But seems Luke has already become the solution.

-

Ashton sighs, recoils back in his chair, takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes- He never learns the lesson of not leaving your homework to the deadline, fuck it.

Besides him Luke rises his head, a slight smile tugging at his lips, "You finally done?"

He just groaned, eyes shut."I wonder how the fuck you can even finish your homework. You never seem to be doing anything related to math."

"Maybe that's because all can be done quickly if I want."

Smug idiot.

"Wait till you're a post graduate and you'll know what's torture."

"Will quit right after four years, then."

Ashton scowls, cracks open one eye and spares a hand to flip Luke off, to which he ducks away (he always does) and giggles, "You're of no fucking help."

"What do you want me to do, then?"

"Don't know. Tell me a story. Or just read something. As long as I'm not thinking my head off about the synthesis route of some stupid fucking molecule I'll be fine."

He heard a light chuckle, "Aye- Aye, Captain, here we go."

The sound of pages turning, Luke clearing his throat, then,"'It's so bitterly cold that my whole body crackles!' Said the Snow Man."

Ashton lifts an eyebrow wearily,"Now you're telling me an Andersen's Fairy Tale?"

"Shh. Shut up and be a good boy. It's my favorite one." then, "This wind can really blow life into you! And how that glaring thing up there glares at me!" He meant the sun; it was just setting..."

Luke reads on, and Ashton finds himself relaxing, sinking into the familiar tale he’s read hundreds of times as a toddler, following the thread of the story, recalling the dialogue, how the Snow Man calls the Old Watchdog “my friend”.

Luke's voice fades for a brief second, then returns, slightly changed, softer, “Then the Snow Man looked, and he really saw a brightly polished thing with a brass stomach and fire glowing from the lower part of it. A very strange feeling swept over the Snow Man...”

Here comes the part- tracing the memory he can still feel it, the confusion when toddler him read to this part, then realization and excitement for no reason when he picked it up again, just for one time, before he come to this city.

He thought a new place brings a new life. That he would finally leave that old black and white town. He thought he knew what life was all about, what love was.

So ambitious, so young, so dumb.

Ashton blinks furiously, shaking the thoughts flooding up away from his mind. He’s here, in his favorite place, with an adorable boy who keeps his company, reading a tale to him. He’s fine, they’re fine, it’s fine.

His eyes lands on Luke.

The small lamp on the table is tilted slightly, soft golden light casting gently down on the boy’s right side, splitting a silhouette, leaving the left side of his face in the shadow. Curls falls off his face, dangling. His long, thick eyelashes turns to an almost-silver color under the light, trembling slightly, dancing altogether with the little particles floating in the air, as those blue eyes, clear as the sunny day but still deep as the sea, moves with each line, each word on the page. Maybe he’s just imagining, maybe its just another fantasy he pictures, but Luke seems semitransparent, a halo casting around his figure, holy, angelic.

“The night was very long but it didn’t seem long to the Snow Man; he stood lost in his own pleasant thoughts, and they froze until they crackled.”

The story’s still going, coming to an end, and Luke’s voice, a little raspy now, is merely above a whisper, like if he tells it any louder the fragile, beautiful tragedy will be destroyed.

“Come out, dear sun! Come often, skies of blue!

And nobody thought any more about the Snow Man.”

And with that Silence falls, a sad love story coming to its end.

For a while they just sits, looking into each others eyes.

The atmosphere’s changed, he knows it, can feel it. It’s a brand new feeling, one he has never felt, the rising urge, the need, the want, to get closer to the boy in front of him, to truly know him, to be with him, go through everything with him, feel the same with him, to like him, love him.

Hesitantly, he reaches out, slowly, hand trembling.

For a moment Luke seems to be on the same page with him, eyes fluttering shut and automatically leaning in, but suddenly he gasps, like being reminded of something he has long forgotten, and recoils back sharply, Ashton’s hand touches nothing but air.

Why.

“It’s late, Ash.” Luke whispered, not looking him in the face, “Maybe the other day.”

-

Something’s changed between them.

Not that the intimacy has changed- no. They still meets at the very table, reading and chatting, Luke still listens to his bickering about homework and fucking lab life- but something’s there, like The Sword of Damocles, hanging dangerously, but both just choose to ignore it.

Luke’s still Luke, sweet and gentle, cute and caring. But he’s somewhat quieter then before- he’s still chatting when it comes to their hobbies, but he always stops abruptly after the topic’s over, cutting the conversation.

It’s only that Ashton’s confused, confused about fucking all of it, confused about why Luke refused his invitation, why Luke takes a step back while he finally decides to step forward. It’s like an invisible barrier is built, all things suddenly turns indefinite without reason.

He hate it. He fucking hate all of it.

It’s only worse that he’s stuck in the library right now- it’s pouring outside, he’s left his umbrella at home, his jacket has no hat, and Luke’s oddly quiet.

He’s reading, more of scanning automatically, mind crowded with uncomfortable thoughts, screaming at him to at least find out what’s wrong with Luke(he don’t know how when they’re in this awkward state), to pluck up his courage and try again(well look what a coward he becomes when it comes to pining), to get this mess sorted (to which he has absolutely no fucking idea).

Fucking shitty day.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed- the sky is darkening, pure black seeping into pale gray, as the window starts to mirror the lighted lamp, making it unable to see the outside.

He hears a sigh, then the sound of book shut.

He can see those clear blue eyes from the corner of his eye, a little dim than usual, like the eyes of a sad puppy, and that almost break his heart. He wants to get close to the boy again, tell him it’s okay, he’s here, no need to keep those shit all alone and stuff- but instead he stares intently at the screen, so hard that his eyes starts to water, cursing himself inwardly.

A pause. Then, “Ash.”

Ashton gives himself a slap in the head, then puts on his most cheery face, “Yeah?”

Luke shakes his head furiously, “Don’t... Don’t act in front of me. I know you’re not well these days, and it’s all because of,” He waves his hand impatiently, then pulls his curls, casting out another deep sigh, “Yes, I... feel there is something I need to explain.”

And again he finds himself lost of words, exactly like the last time Luke made an explanation. But Luke’s acting different- strange. He’s frowning, shifting in his seat, hands tightly clasped together, teeth tugging at his lower lip, eyes filled with... fear.

Luke has never gone frightened in front of him.

“Hey, hey.” He reaches out, trying to grab Luke’s hand, but the boy squealed and pulls away abruptly again- so he just sighs, being as comforting as possible, “It’s okay, Luke. All okay.”

Finally the boy seems to have made the decision. He points to the book he just finished, which is lying on the table now, “The second short story.”

“You’re making me a puzzle through Marquez? Typical.” Ashton picks up the book, checking the writer. He’s trying to make a joke, but it came out weak and not funny at all, as Luke just sighs again and rests his head in his hands.

“I don’t know how to say it, so.” God, he hates how Luke’s voice sounds, all hurt and in pain.

“Luke, I mean, I’m not forcing you, but you know you can tell me everything-” panic’s rising, and he feels the urge, that they’re coming to the crossroads-

“Um, Ashton?”

He’s never hated life- the approaching librarian as well- more than now.

“Yes?”

She comes to stand beside him, a hand on his shoulder, “It’s ten now and we’re closing in five minutes. You need an umbrella?”

“Um, just a minute. We have something to discuss. I promise it’ll be quick.” He gestures to the seat across the table, where he knows Luke’s sitting.

He expects a nod, but her face is puzzled, coated with a layer he can’t read, “We? But Ashton, there’s no one across the table.”

“What?”

His head whips around, so quick that he thinks he must have strained his neck. He closes his eyes, then opens them again- yes, Luke is sitting right there, in the chair, totally frozen besides the nervous act just now- but he’s there.

“But...”

She only shakes her head, “You’re the only one here all day, Ashton. No one else feels like coming on such a stormy weather.”

With that she leaves.

Ashton turns back to Luke frantically, “What the hell-”

He’s met with a stony face and watery blue eyes. Luke seems defeated and in total grief.

“Tell me, Luke. Tell me!” Panic overcomes him, his voice three octaves higher than usual. It can’t be real, it’s just his fantasy, things like this can’t happen in real life...

Luke holds out his trembling hand, and very slowly, reaches over, linking it with Ashton’s.

A wave of icy cold rises up- from his feet up to his spine, overwhelming him, drowning him, making his head dizzy, the world turning, the sense-

The sense of not being touched.

Luke’s hands go straight through his.

“Because they can’t see me.” The silhouette figure whispers, voice barely audible.

“I’m not as real as you see me, Ash.”

-

The next three days come and go like a blurry scene.

Ashton remembers it just vaguely- he remembers fleeing out of the library, running alone the dark campus path till his chest burns and every breath becomes a burden. He remembers the rain, pouring down and hitting him relentlessly, flowing off his face, mixed with some warm fluid he didn’t dare to think about. He remembers walking back to the dorm, all worn out and broken down, throwing himself on his bed and crying till weariness finally came over. He slept, then woke, then ushered himself into sleep again, like only in dreamland he could forget all of it, until he was really not able to sleep anymore.

He pushes himself up from his bed and stumbles into the bathroom, eyeing himself in the mirror. He looks like shit, even worse than a hangover, purple bags hanging from his eyes and hair sticking in all directions. He sighs, turning to walk from the bathroom, cursing as he nearly trips over something on the ground- but the word died halfway in his throat.

It’s that book. The Collection of Marquez’s Short Stories. He must have thrown it on the floor that night.

Ashton swallows, hesitant- he’s not that sure if he’s ready to face it, that memory, that typical boy- but his hand does it for him, already flipping through the pages.

The second work, what is the second work......

He sees the title.

Someone Messed up the Roses.

He takes in a breath.

Today’s Sunday, the rain’s stopped, and I want to pick some red and white roses to my grave...

His eyes is welling up, but he reads on, about the story of a boy’s ghost and his sister, a wish never coming true, a story of love and regret.

There’s a note, written in Italic, at the corner of the page, end of the story, black ink suggesting it’s freshly written.

You have given me the happiest moments my whole life and beyond life, Ash. It might be like a cheesy novel, but I love you and I’m sorry.

Luke Hemmings

He’s crying before he knows it.

“Fuck, Luke.”

-

The scenery outside the window’s changing, fading from concrete jungle to fields and woods. On the end of the road, a hill’s approaching.

He’s sitting in the bus, hand clutching at Marquez’s Collection and a piece of paper- a piece of paper Mrs. Hemmings gave him, showing a route to the place he wants to go.

The vehicle stops and Ashton stands, hopping off the bus, going for the iron door just beside the muddy road.

He pushes it open, the rust on it sticking on his hands, the scent of soil coming up to greet him. As he keeps walking stones appears- delicately carved, yet lifeless.

An oak. That’s what she told him- an oak beside him.

He lifts his head, looking around, and found it- an oak, already tall, rising from the soil, pointing straight to the pale-gray sky.

Uncertainty and fear echoes in the back of his mind, trying to stop him, as he just goes on.

He’s already experienced lost once. He doesn’t want to lose it again.

He stops in front of the oak, hesitates before sitting down, cross- legged.

“I don’t know what to say, Luke.”

He stops, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“A part of me is telling me to forget all this, deny it, wave it off as a dream. It’s all just a fantasy, something I pictured, and I’m supposed to, I should...”

“But, Luke, every minute spent with you is so real.”

“They would say I’m crazy, everyone will; I mean, who would believe a person falling in love with someone already gone- and supposed to be in the state of nonexistence? But... you’re like someone I finally found, a person in this world who could understand me... Who I’ve searched for my whole life.”

He sniffs, blinking away the tears welling up, “You know, during my years alone I’ve learned about not to expect, not to hope; but you... you bring the difference, like a light suddenly cracking in. I mean... if you’re there, if you’re really there... please, just please, give me something to hope, to wish for, and don’t just go away like that.”

“Because I’m so lonely,” He finally let it slip, “So lonely, Luke.”

A soft wind picks up, leaves rustling, like an answer. But as he listens on everything just stays silent, like they’ve always been forever. No silhouette, no soft voice belonging to a boy.

The sky’s getting dark, so he just pushes himself up and leaves.

-

He continues with the life. Attending classes, finishing homework, finally deciding his research orientation. His professor says something about “A big step” and “I know you can do it”, which he just brushes it all off, not truly listen.

He continues to go to the library- but not sitting in that very table anymore, and just stays there for less then an hour each day. He’s read Someone Messed Up the Roses again and again, like all of the other works have suddenly lost their attraction to him.

The pages are all dog-eared and worn out, but he just goes on with it, flipping the pages, ready to read the short story for like the twentieth time.

“I wouldn’t treat a book like that, you know.”

He jumps from his seat, eyes widening, turning around.

Someone turns up from behind the bookshelf.

Messy curls, sea- blue eyes, the lips curling up in a slight smile.

It’s like a dream. He’s in a dream.

Like he can read Ashton’s mind, the blonde walks straight up to him and extends his arms, wrapping him into an embrace.

He feels warmth.

Still no feelings of being touched, the figure still semitransparent, but warmth.

“It’s real. Don’t doubt it.” Luke’s voice is soft, reassuring, barely above a whisper.

Just like he remembers.

The warmth doesn’t fade, like when he’s standing under the afternoon sun, closing his eyes, feeling the hope coming up.

He finally believes it- tears are sliding down his face before he knows it.

“Luke."

[crystu-cii]

XD Yeah, better to do the stuff that's harder to do at home in school imo-

Ooooh well good luck if/when you ask-- XDD

It is the perfect opportunity to have short hair! Why do you think I buzzed all mine off! XD I think you'd look lovely with short hair -w-

I don't wanna grow up either tbh XD but like *freedom--* how close is freedom and short hair to your grasp anyways? XD

Pixie cuts are actually a fem haircut, but a short bob would also be super cute :3 also I'm a femboy XD well.. I own very little fem stuff bc I didn't like being perceived as a girl so I got rid of the stuff and then later I was like "...wait fuck i still like dresses--"

STIM SQUADD-- I always get nervous mentioning stimming bc people will be confused and I suck at explaining stuff- yesss sameee!!! I bounce on my bed or rock in place when I'm happy(and alone bc family thinks it's weird ;w;) or pace around the house XDD OMS YES I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN WE BECAME FRIENDS AAAA-- I have a friend I ramble to about everything I love too!! Her name is Jade and we adopted each other as siblings asgkhdj-- ASJKF ITS NOT WEIRD OR CREEPY AT ALL IVE RAMBLED TO JADE ABOUT YOU BEFORE XD 💖💕💞💖💞💕

Technically I have access to both but my computer can't handle minecraft so I play bedrock ;w; although can't you play cross platform if you use a realm tho-? I'd have to check but--

Also something tells me that if everyone you ask has bedrock you picked the wrong version XD

A ferris wheel?? Terrifying- XD sounds fun tho!!! Aside from being so high in the air XD ferris wheels are pretty tho so I can forgive them :3

ahh TYSM! 😭💞❤️💕💖💝 and it ISSS like UGH- but the only thing my mom decided to try out was make my hair layered- cause she would always cut my hair where the ends are all straight and even- but imo i liked layered hair so much more! still wish i had it short tho- xDD

but how close freedom is? gosh i would ask my mom the same question- but im just assuming its whenever you turn into an adult- but i guess i gotta wait and see ;0;

and ooooo i see! random but im also debating whether i am cisgender or not- im kinda leaning that im more cis but im also debating if im bigender(?) or something- ive already accepted he/him pronouns so i guess thats a start- but again ahh i dunno ;w;;

and omgg YESS and aw your family thinks its weird? thats not good ;; - OKAY HOLY CRAP THAT REMINDED ME OF SOMETHING THAT PISSES ME OFF- okay so like- i also pace and walk around places SO DAMN much- like- i swear- i walked like a million circles in my room xD- but i also tend to do it in public and my mom would literally YELLL AT ME whenever i do it! and then she would say "im getting a headache just by looking at you. and others will too." and im mentally like "aight- then thats your fault for looking at me- not mine???" *-visible confusion-* and it doesnt even have to be in public- even when were in the house and im next to her, she would get mad at me- and UGHHHHH IT DRIVES ME crazy i hate it 😭😭

but thank gosh she doesnt yell at me anymore (i think) maybe cause she was just tired of yelling at me for it orrr she realized she can neva stop me xDDD but i just still get mad that my mom would yell at me for something i consider so harmless ;0;;

but OMGMG YAYY- rambling to friends about things its just amazing XDD literally to larie and tree i was like "HRYEHEYHEYE SO I MADE THIS NEW FRIEND ON TUMBLR AND I RAMBLE OF EVERYTHING TO THEM AND THEY RAMBLE BACK AND ITS AWESOME GUSYGUDYUGYS-" like i GO BONKERSSS 💖😭💕💝💖❤️💞

and OOOoohh i see! but aww rip computer- and crossplatforming on the realms? i didnt know bout that! but i never really joined a realm before- i attempted to when a server made a realm and i wanted to join but my game was like "n o"- i dunno why but wahh xDD

but lowkey i guess i DID xD but i actually use my brother's minecraft java account since he barely plays minecraft anymore- (sometimes he does tho) and he gave me it wayyy back then- i started playing it at 2013! and man it was a journey- and it also held pretty embarrassing memories- i would rage on the servers so much- xDD ;W; but i was lowkey crazy when i heard everyone i meet had bedrock instead- i was like- "GUYS BUT WHAT ABOUT HYPIXEL?!(HWJFKAU" but then again- i never had bedrock before so i guess i cant blame em for getting it instead xD and im cheap so i dont think i'll get myself a bedrock account any time soon

and hell yeah! it was pretty scary since my fear for heights is kindaaa big- but i handled it well xD it was fun :D

[journarl-s]

TVXQ Concert Circle - #with In Jakarta

“Definitely an unforgettable concert experience. The dazzling stage is just too much, the concert literally climb up into THE BEST concert i have ever been to. Everyone alive should at least attend one of their concert, and you’ll have no regrets left.” - me

“The energy, the performances, the stage, the visual, the lightnings, are just beyond words. Despite the small venue, TVXQ brings out their very best act like it was in stadium/dome. Their professionalism is what everyone should look up to.” - me

Some quoted words above are me acting out as critics but,

HOLY SHIT AFTER SO MANY YEARS THEY FINALLY CAME AND HELL YEAH THEY CLIMBED UP INTO THE BEST CONCERT I'VE EVER BEEN TO IN MY LIFE.

THE STAGE, THE ENERGY, THE PERFORMANCE, THE SOUND, THE LIGHTNINGS, THE VISUAL, HOLY SHIT THAT WAS THE VERY BEST.

They are all very true. Sounds a little bit exaggerating, but THAT IS THE TEA yeorobeun. ok sorry, pardon me.

So am gonna tell you guys about this amazing experience. i can actually say that my literacy is not that good especially in english but since i want to improve my english skill, here i am trying. So....

At first i kinda worried if TVXQ gonna cancelled the concert again like in the Philippine because the venue was small and only 1 section was sold out but the day is finally came!!!! ALHAMDULILLAH.

When i entered the venue, i was kinda sad because there were section that was not packed enough and had some space but what's on my mind that day was "i'm going to have fun, i'm going to see them in real life, i'm going to sing my heart out!" and turned out all the crowd think the same as mine? lmao because the energy we poured during every song was so loud maybe because there's a lot of people who has been waiting for 16 years also!! If i compared it to my Eyes On You experience, it's like, when i'm doing fanchant because of the sound and my own voice, i can't hear clearly if the fanchant was loud or not but in this concert, holy shit, i heard the fanchant so loudly!!!!!

I'm glad that everyone who attended the concert have memorable experience to bring back home and as encouragement to face the real life that's gonna happen in the next day (lmao it's for me).

As for the concert, i never expect that the setlist has that flow so the songs feel connected to each other somehow. It was also thanks to the VCR that contained of hotness, handsomeness, and funny videos.

Bounce, Something, and Top of The World became the opening act and seems like to hold a magician concept! And it was so much fun lmao i can honestly say that i don't really like Bounce before but when it was sung at the concert heeeeeeol it's so good!!

After that, Yunho and Changmin introduced themselves and i love the way they speak Bahasa lmao. Yunho was like "Sudah lama tidak bertemu. Apa kabar semuanya!!!" and Changmin was like "Saya kangen kalian semua" and did a yes pose (lmao he is so cute) as we answered yes though it's not a question, it's a statement lol.

After that was Truth and then Love Line, my favorites of their own separate albums ❤ and then Tonight. In my honest opinion, Tonight is a hard song to sing because it is full of high notes and truthfully the 5 were singing it with so much effort and then now it's only 2 who is singing it, my heart is weeping. I really appreciate the hard work that Yunho and Changmin put on singing this song, and it was not disappointing at all, it was beautiful. VERY BEAUTIFUL. I CAN'T. I love you guys, truly. Thank you for singing this song.

Now was the time for Yunho solo. He sang his newest single Follow, although i prefer City Lights he he The Chance of Love came after, holy shit, it was the remix version that they sing in MBC Gayo. Changmin's high note in "i will take you higher~~ i will take you HIGHEEEEEEER" is just too good, i am in awe. Sooner than Later came next. It was not expected that Sooner than Later would also became a performance full of hotness, though still can't beat Before U Go which was came after, but still.

AND THEN THE PEAK OF HOTNESS CAME (yes, it’s Before U Go!). MY HEART. OK THIS IS MADNESS MY HEART WAS LIKE "OMG OMG OMG ALLAHU AKBAR" because it was that deadly ass performance. You know what i mean if you know what kind of performance Before U Go is. Thank you again Yunho and Changmin that was brilliant. My life is now complete.

So, here am gonna spill my Before U Go fancam that was intended to be my private belongings but, if i don’t do this you guys will not get what i mean TT

The next was the ballad stage, TVXQ sang Lazybones and Mideoyo. When they started singing Lazybones, all the white lights turned on them and at that exact moment, me and everyone around me be like "MALAIKAT" which means "ANGEL" HAHAHA.

And finally, Changmin's solo Beautiful Stranger. Have been waiting for this because the song is just beautiful itself. My most favorite of Changmin's solo and the 2nd is In a Different Life. Changmin's kind of solo is really put me to lay back for awhile.

After that is Vertigo and Mirotic. MIROTIC IS THAT PERFORMANCE WHEN I LITERALLY PUT MY LUNGS OUT TO DO THE FANCHANT. IT WAS CRAZY. MIROTIC WAS CRAZY.

Hug and Balloons came next! Hug was kinda beat up not like the original one. Looking at Changmin and Yunho singing this song really reminisce the old one and they both look very different (lmao ofcourse!). Balloons was so fun!! We jumped a lot and literally shout so loudly "JIIINAGABORIIII" lol anyway they showed up with a boyfriend look and huhu they're so handsome TT after that is Dream, still with the boyfriend look.

In the bridge of Balloons, Changmin was like pointed to our side and Yunho was like saying something in korean and told us to sing "La~ La La La La~" and then after our turn, Changmin was like "Kiri~" means it's the left side turn to sing and then he said "Semuaa" which means "All" and then Yunho followed along saying "Semua semua semua!!" And then he said "Sekali lagi!! (Once more!)" Lol why are they so cute 😭

After the kind of cute, fun and lay back jumping stage, it’s suddenly turned into MAXIMUM-KYHD-RISING SUN stage. IF MIROTIC WAS CRAZY THAN THIS PART OF THE CONCERT WAS CRAZIER!!!! IT IS THAT CLIMAX HOLY SHITTTT and what made me upset was, in the middle of Keep Your Head Down,  my phone's storage was suddenly full FAAAAAAAAAKKKKK fortunately my external storage was still empty, thankfully i have still got the full footage of Maximum and Rising Sun and half of footage of Keep Your Head Down. Thank God! but still TT

After that was Morning Sun, Yunho and Changmin threw balls to the audience. And waw Changmin's throw was really far i'm impressed.

The last but not least, Circle. The song that really fits for an ending of a concert when i first listened to it. The melody, the rhythm, the tunes, all of them, i love it. HUHU and finally i can hear it live TT

At the ending ment, it felt sentimental as in Yunho and Changmin actually keep repeating the “16 years” and keep saying thank you as if they were kind of regret to hold their first concert here just now, while they should’ve hold concert here sooner, like YES YOU SHOULD HAVE COME SOONER! nonetheless, the important thing is they held their solo concert here finally, it’s always better to be late than never. So, THANK YOU VERY MUCH for including Indonesia in your tour!!!! and i won’t forget your promise to come back here again and will definitely come to watch you guys again!

I felt very satisfied after the concert, despite the waiting-outside-the-venue thing that got your ass burned and skin got tanned (lol), the concert was that magical i came home weeping lol. I know that TVXQ consists of main vocal of their separate trainee groups but i really think that the recording tape of CD or DVD did them injustice! Their vocals are SO much better than the CD! While other groups sound the same as the CD, TVXQ are much greater. I think the CDs can't contain the greatness of TVXQ's voices.

It's been more than a month and i still can't get over the concert, instead, i love them more than ever! To think that i'd jump to this blackhole again lol....