#*jenny slate voice* they made me too crazy!

[earthmoonz]

remade 2 of my oldest ocs in my current sim style and started feeling insane.

[nancydrewwouldnever]

The Infamous Jenny Vulture Interview

So, I keep losing access to the infamous Jenny Vulture interview from March 2017 because of caps on access they have on their website. So, in case anyone else hits the same problem, I'm cut and pasting it here, to have an easier to access copy of it.

The Year of Living Publicly

Jenny Slate’s got two new films and a new home and, oh, by the way, she’s fresh off a breakup with Captain America. 

By Jasa Yuan

Published March 2017

Most pillows are just pillows, but for Jenny Slate, the floral-print puffs arrayed on her pristine white linen couch in her freshly rented apartment in L.A.’s Silver Lake are metaphors. For a bright future. For a new life. For freedom. The Obvious Child star and her bichon frise, Reggie, just moved into this sunny one-bedroom in February, and every time she looks at those pillows, she gets so excited because she remembers how she’d bought them while still married to editor-director Dean Fleischer-Camp, her husband for three years, but had to stow them away because she realized it felt like they were living in a box of tampons. Now she and Reggie don’t have to run their decorating decisions by anyone. “I’ve never lived on my own, because I really did go from one relationship to another my whole life, so I’ve never had a chance to go really girlie,” she says. “And I had my ex-husband over last night and he was like, ‘These flower pillows look great. But they’re just for you.’ I’m like, ‘Yeah! That’s right!’ I love them so much. I just love them for what they represent, which is that all my choices are for me.” She turns around. “I’m gonna pee really quick.”

The bathroom door doesn’t quite close — she’d warned me of this. “You can snoop around if you want,” she shouts. “It’s just a little mouse house. It’s fucking perfect for me.”

I have been in her presence for about two minutes. The first thing she did was offer to loan me a T-shirt because I mentioned I was hot. Slate used to do a stand-up routine about how her mom refused to sew her name into her shirt in elementary school, “because she was like, ‘You’re too friendly, and some stranger would just be like, Jenny! Come into the van!’ ”

There’s an obvious person missing so far from this tale of pillows versus patriarchy, but she’s not hiding anything; we just haven’t gotten to it yet. “When I moved in here, I’d been through my divorce and a breakup,” she says, returning from the bathroom and referring to the ten or so months she spent dating Chris Evans, best known as Captain America, and her much more famous co-star in Gifted an upcoming film about a family struggling with a young girl’s genius affinity for math. The internet went wild over their apples-and-oranges compatibility: a brash Jewish comedienne beloved for oversharing about her bodily functions on talk shows and voicing Marcel the Shell With Shoes On, a tiny stop-motion conch with a single eye and feet who talks about being so small he can hang-glide on a Dorito, in a series of YouTube shorts she made with Fleischer-Camp — and a world-famous Marvel superhero, who also happens to be a Massachusetts momma’s boy with one of the most insanely ripped bodies on the planet. “We used to talk about what kinds of animals we were,” says Slate. “Chris said it’s like I’m a chick riding on a St. Bernard’s head. We’re an odd match.”

Paparazzi tried to snap them, bloggers scrutinized their Instagrams, tabloids obsessively covered their one appearance together on a red carpet. Slate didn’t read the coverage, but it was extremely kind, with most articles praising Slate for taking a chance on Evans, or noting that his coolness factor had jumped several notches because of his proximity to her. Maybe this crazy thing could work out! There was something beautiful, in a year marked by division, to think of these two opposites finding common ground. He was 35; she was 34. They’d grown up half an hour from each other. They were both outspoken liberals. They’d said really adorable things about each other on Anna Faris’s podcast.

And then, a few weeks before I met Slate, news broke that it was over. In her life, though, she’d already spent several months dealing with that loss and having to find a place to live, crashing with friends in Venice Beach in January. “I watched You’ve Got Mail so many times, it was unbelievable,” she says. Was she weeping most of the time? “Yeah, I did it right.” Eventually, she found this new apartment and purged everything she owned except for a few clothes she loves, books, precious objects, and a velvet chair once belonging to her great-grandmother. “I was like, ‘You need all new things. You are a working woman. Maybe this is an indulgence, but just start over,’ ” she says. “It’s like, Fuck.”

The other night, she tells me, she was sitting at a bar by herself, reading a book about the Holocaust, and finally sent an SOS text to her friend Mae Whitman. “I was just like, ‘Can you please help me? I’m so lonely.’ And she came and we got shitbombed, and I woke up the next morning and saw my headphones on my neighbor’s yard. I have no idea how they ended up there.”

As Slate gives me the tour of her place, Reggie trails her every move. “He’s like a little soul mirror of me. We’re a lot the same,” she says. How so? “Needing closeness. Despair when left alone. But also he’s very excited to misbehave when left alone. So he doesn’t know what he wants.”

Ever since she was a pip-squeak at Camp Tapawingo in Sweden, Maine, Slate has known what she wanted to be: an actress, like Amy Irving or Gilda Radner or Madeline Kahn. That or “Jewish Felicity,” taking over Manhattan, like in the TV show. In the aughts, she came up in the alternative-stand-up-comedy scene in New York, where she garnered attention for a one-woman show as different characters eulogizing an eccentric millionaire, got cast on Saturday Night Live, and wasfired one season in after accidentally cursing on-air in her first sketch. That ego blow hurt a little less when she made the awards-circuit rounds for Obvious Child, a low-budget romantic comedy about two people navigating an abortion after a one-night stand, and she’s built a devoted fan base through her outrageous characters on the Kroll Show and Parks and Recreation, not to mention her great voice work with Marcel, Bob’s Burgers, The Secret Life of Pets (as an anxious Pomeranian), and Zootopia (as a villainous sheep). In 2012, she relocated from Brooklyn to L.A. Her relationship with Evans is easily the most Hollywood thing she’s ever done. She shows me a photo of her aura on her fridge, taken in New York’s Chinatown. There’s a thick concentration of “productive energy,” which is good, since she has a lot of work coming up, and a giant cloud of worry and overthinking, which seems to be dissipating. By the sink are potholders she made as a kid on a little loom and a drawing of Ruth Bader Ginsburg that Fleischer-Camp brought her as a housewarming gift. “We’re good friends. That’s why we got divorced,” says Slate. “If we didn’t get divorced, we wouldn’t be able to be friends and we wouldn’t be able to do our work. We had just grown apart, and we love each other. It wasn’t easy, but not bad.” She pauses. “No, it was bad. But not essentially bad.”

Her mother, a ceramicist, and father, a lauded poet, are still married; she wrote a book about her childhood home in Massachusetts with her dad this year. Her younger sister, Stacey, a mental-health counselor in Brooklyn, had come over on the previous weekend and helped her put up pictures. (Her elder sister, Abby, is a nurse-practitioner in Massachusetts, and Slate is convinced her middle-child need for attention is what nudged her toward showbiz.) Covering the top of her dresser are snapshots she hasn’t figured out what to do with, such as the one of her in a revealing tank top at Columbia University, where she went from high-school valedictorian to pothead almost instantly. “This is me when I was a slutty virgin,” she explains. “A virgin but trying to act like I knew what was going on.”

Somewhere beneath a pile of half-read books is her bedside table. She hates computers so much she doesn’t keep one in the house, and she often turns to books when scrolling through Twitter on her phone stresses her out, which it always does. Current favorites include The Collected Stories of Lydia Davis, Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, and Emma, a children’s book with Barbara Cooney illustrations that she bought on Etsy and loves so much she put it on display so she could see it when she wakes up. “It’s about an old woman who doesn’t love how she’s alone, and then learns to make herself not alone through art, and draws people into her life through art. It’s the fucking best thing.”

The instinct other young actresses have to keep every interesting thing about themselves under wraps — or the toughness that female comics often give off — wouldn’t be very useful in Slate’s case. Her brand, if you can call it that, is built on vulnerability, whether she’s revealing her innermost insecurities through an animated shell or telling Seth Meyers on TV that she was so stoned in college she accidentally signed up for an astronomy class thinking she’d learn about astrology. Not to mention that she and Evans met while playing love interests in a movie that is now coming out and that she needs to promote. That’s hard to get around.

“I don’t mind talking about him at all. He’s a lovely person,” she says. “I don’t know. It feels like such a huge thing. Last year was a giant, big year for my heart. I’ve never, ever thought to keep anything private because that’s not really what I’m like, and now I’m learning those things, and they’re weird, kind of demented lessons to learn.”

She didn’t set out to have a tabloid-­fodder romance. She’d fought hard for her part in Gifted, as a teacher who falls for Evans’s character, a working-class guy trying to give his prodigy niece (Mckenna Grace) a normal childhood. Slate’s part is not huge, but it’s a big studio picture. It got her in the room with director Marc Webb and Fox Searchlight. She liked the script, but more than that, “I was just like, ‘I want viability as an American film actress. I want to find my own seat at the main dinner table, because I want to do this forever, and I want to show that it doesn’t always have to be a bikini model opposite Captain America.’ ”

Evans and Slate met at her chemistry read — the audition in which it’s determined whether two romantic leads play well together — and they instantly got along. “I remember him saying to me, ‘You’re going to be one of my closest friends.’ I was just like, ‘Man, I fucking hope this isn’t a lie, because I’m going to be devastated if this guy isn’t my friend.’ ” The first time they went out to dinner, as co-workers getting to know each other, she remembers insisting they split the bill over Evans’s strenuous objections. “If you take away my preferences, you take away my freedom,” she says she told him. “Then I was like, Oh, man, is this dude going to be like, ‘Ugh, this bra-burner.’ Instead, he was like, ‘Tell me more.’ ” They drew from that friendship for their flirting on film, but the time when they jump into bed together in the movie felt as awkward as you hear all love scenes do. “It’s one of those scenes where you bust through a door making out. I’ve never done that in my life,” says Slate. “I remember apologizing to him after. I’m pretty sure I kneed him in the balls.”

Slate was in a weird space at the time. Her marriage was dissolving, and she was working only two or three days a week, and spending her days off wandering around Savannah’s many parks and doing yoga and writing that book, About the House, with her dad. (Which, incidentally, the publisher gave away free with any donation to any charity.) Every weekend, Evans would organize a game night for the cast and crew — usually something called “running charades,” which sounds like high-speed pantomime — that she begrudgingly went to, even though all she wanted to do was hang out on the porch and drink beer and smoke cigarettes. “At first I was like, ‘What a fucking nightmare,’ ” she says. “Chris is a different speed than me — I think he really did just jump out of a plane for an interview. And so when he was like, ‘Game nights,’ I was like, ‘This is annoying. This guy’s like a sports guy. He’s the kid that likes P.E.’ ” But finally his enthusiasm won her over. “I first really liked Chris as a person because he is so unpretentious,” she says. “He is a straight-up 35-year-old man who wants to play games. That’s it. I was like, ‘I’d better not discount this, because this is purity.’ ” It also helped that she’s so competitive she constantly won.

As they got to know each other, she learned he’s still close with people from his childhood, and his best friend is a woman. “What’s the same about us is not just that we’re from Massachusetts, which was such a delight, but Chris is truly one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, to the point where sometimes I would look at him and it would kind of break my heart,” she says. “He’s really vulnerable, and he’s really straightforward. He’s like primary colors. He has beautiful, big, strong emotions, and he’s really sure of them. It’s just wonderful to be around. His heart is probably golden-colored, if you could paint it.”

They didn’t fall for each other on set. “To be quite honest, I didn’t think I was his type,” she says. (Evans has dated Jessica Biel and Minka Kelly). “Eventually, when it was like, Oh, you have these feelings for me?, I was looking around like, Is this a prank? I mean, I understand why I think I’m beautiful, but if you’ve had a certain lifestyle and I’m a very, very different type of person — I don’t want to be an experiment.” Evans never made her feel that way, but it was hard to get past how so many people seemed to feel some ownership of him and view her as an interloper. “If you are a woman who really cares about her freedom, her rights, her sense of being an individual, it is confusing to go out with one of the most objectified people in the entire world,” she says. Especially when she’s aware that in Hollywood, she says, “I’m considered some sort of alternative option, even though I know I’m a majorly vibrant sexual being.” And especially when random ladies would come up to her at CVS, “being like, ‘Oh my God, is that Chris Evans? He’s so hot!’ You’re like, ‘How dare you? That’s my boyfriend. But yes, he’s so hot.’ ”

Every time Slate mentions Evans, it keeps coming back to the same thing: As much as they loved being with one another, she says, “we’re really, really different,” with different social circles and different lifestyles. Slate comes from a DIY comedy scene, and most of her friends are fellow comics and gay guys. “Chris is a very, very famous person,” she says. “For him to go to a restaurant is totally different than for me to go. I sit in my window and I say ‘Hi’ to people on the street. I have more freedom because I’m not Captain America. I’m mostly a cartoon.” She kept waiting for everything to feel normal, but it never did. “This is what I needed to do to feel normal. To be alone.”

That meant day-to-day they mostly stayed home, “which was really nice,” she says. But it was also one of the most anxious years of her life. She fretted over the “psychos” on the internet who turned her relationship with Evans into a pissing contest with Fleischer-Camp. And she struggled seeing the person she was in love with deal with the side-effects of fame. “The stress that I saw him be put under, I’ve never seen that before, and he handled that really gracefully,” she says. What she wasn’t taking into account was that he’s used to it. “He’s not stressed,” she says. “I was the person that was stressed.”

She’s also aware in hindsight that she hadn’t processed her separation before she got together with Evans. It wasn’t as scandalous as tabloid reports made it sound — as with any long-term relationship that splinters, they’d been on the rocks long before it was official. But, she says, “When Chris and I started dating, my husband and I had only been separated for a couple of months.” The divorce actually went through while she was at the Sundance Film Festival, after she and Evans broke up. “Even though we had an amicable divorce, I think that’s still something that you need to mourn. When you get separated from somebody that you actually care about, it is the destruction of a belief system. That is really, really sad.” Throughout all of it, the divorce, the new love, she says, “I just didn’t have the tools. And I didn’t think very hard about that, to be honest. I wanted to step into the light. Chris is a sunny, loving, really fun person, and I didn’t really understand why I should be prudent.”

Are she and Evans on good terms? “We’re not on bad terms, but we haven’t really seen each other, spoken a lot,” she says. “I think it’s probably best. I’d love to be his friend one day, but we threw down pretty hard. No regrets, though. Ever.”

Slate introduces me to the mascots of her new home, two cute mice figurines in jaunty outfits who look like they’re off to travel the world. “The way I feel now is I’ve stepped out of the woods and I’m a forest animal and I’m standing on the lawn,” she says. “And if anybody tried to approach me right now, they’re seeing a creature that’s just trying to figure out what the lawn is like. All I’m thinking about is the lawn. I’m not thinking about whether or not they are going to be a fun person to be on the lawn with, because I am just trying to be on the lawn.” And what or where is this lawn? “It’s just where I am,” she says. “I like the lawn. It’s filled with air, freedom, sunlight, and I’m alone.”

Slate wants to step out in the sunlight now, with a walk around the Silver Lake Reservoir. She bids good-bye to Reggie and turns on the TV to keep him company. “I watch Twin Peaks, but Reggie watches Frasier,” she says. That morning, while Slate was walking him, a woman got out of her car and stopped in her tracks. “She was like, ‘Oh, are you Jenny Slate?’ And I said, ‘I am.’ And she said something nice to me and I said, ‘Thank you so much. I need a lot of encouragement,’ which is usually what I say because it’s true.”

Dating Evans actually, weirdly, spurred her to double down on her career, because, she says, “I don’t want people to ask me more about my love life because of him than they ask me about my work,” and in order to ensure that, she’d have to produce a lot of work. She does stand-up in small clubs whenever possible and had two films at Sundance this January, just as the paperwork for her divorce came through: The Polka King, the true story of a polka-world Ponzi scheme, opposite Jack Black; and Landline, a story of two Jewish-Italian sisters and their parents having life and love crises in ’90s New York City, with Obvious Child creators Gillian Robespierre and Elisabeth Holm (out July 21). Soon she’ll be heading to Vancouver for a road-trip movie with Evan Rachel Wood, Alison Pill, and Cynthia Erivo, which is also Wood’s directorial debut. She and Fleischer-Camp are also at work on a feature-length Marcel the Shell movie, which she says will be “a character portrait much like Billy the Kid or Grey Gardens.”

Today, she’s leaning in to International Women’s Day by wearing a sundress covered in red roses and made by a company, Day Space Night, that’s run by women. She even canceled her one meeting with a man, an appearance on Snoop Dogg’s podcast, so she could have an entirely penis-free day. And she’s planning on ending the day by going with her girlfriends to a 90-minute seminar on fertility and reproductive rights.

A vocal supporter of Planned Parenthood, Slate credits Obvious Child not just for allowing her to prove she’s a legitimate actress, but also for turning her into a women’s rights activist. Back when she signed on, she says, “I still felt embarrassed of the word feminist.” Then one day discussing a costume fitting with co-star Gaby Hoffmann, Slate jokingly apologized for showing up with “crazy bush,” she says. “And Gaby did not take it as a joke. She was really serious and she looked at me and she was like, ‘I didn’t know we were supposed to apologize for that.’ I was like, Oh, I’m being a fool. I need to learn this shit right now.”

And now that she’s got a financial cushion from Zootopia and Secret Life of Pets, she can act on what she’s learned and say “no” more often. Specifically, she’s drawing the line at any movie that, she says, “makes it okay to laugh about things like women’s bodies after birth, like when women who’ve just had babies are referring to their vaginas as all ruined. I think it’s really rude for someone to disparage a vagina in the female body after it’s just fucking created and exploded a baby into our world. It makes me furious and I will not change my opinion on that.”

Also a no-go are any roles she’s offered that “seem like a weird stereotype version of me. Like Quirky Best Friend: ‘She doesn’t have a filter! She talks about poop!’ ” She thinks it’s worth it to hold out for roles with nuance, that will allow her to lean into humor and tragedy equally, and get to the heart of the human condition. In the meantime, she has plenty of personal-growth goals. She wants to learn Norwegian this summer. She wants to spend time with her family on Martha’s Vineyard. And she wants to find a farm she can help on so she can be around animals.

Eventually, she’ll try dating again, too. “I am inclined toward partnership,” she says. “I’m like a mallard, definitely looking for my other duck. But I’ve been in love in very strong ways enough times now that there are just some compromises maybe I won’t make.” He has to know who Gloria Steinem is, for one thing. She’s thinking maybe a scientist with a sense of humor. But definitely someone who’s sure enough in who he is to accept that she’s had a past without him. “Whoever is the next person is going to have to respect that I had a husband who I loved and this boyfriend who I loved so much, and I don’t want to have to act like they weren’t important.”

We’re back at the apartment and Slate is overjoyed that Reggie hasn’t peed on anything. Speaking of pasts, she’ll also soon be hitting the press tour for Gifted with Evans. “I feel pretty relaxed about it right now,” she says, sounding not entirely convincing. “That’s because I know Chris and he’s a very nice man. And we’ve gone into our separate lives. But that doesn’t also mean that I’m going to sleep well the night before, you know?”

First, she’s taking her parents to Cabo San Lucas to celebrate her 35th birthday. I suddenly have a horror flashback to a similar trip to Cabo I took years ago and warn her not to drink the water or brush her teeth with it, or to have ice or eat anything raw, or maybe to eat anything at all.

“Oh God,” she says, laughing, “having raging diarrhea is just a real on-brand nightmare for me.”

She thinks for a second. “But, you know, it would be such an icebreaker. If I showed up with, like, a spray tan and a blowout, he’d be like, ‘What happened to Jenny?’ But if I was able to say, ‘Aw, man, I have diarrhea,’ he’d be like, ‘It’s you. I remember you.’ ”

*This article appears in the March 20, 2017, issue of New York Magazine.

[meatmensch]

*jenny slate voice* i had to stop reading the battle of the labyrinth cuz it made me too crazy!!

[adelstitel]

[evilvarric666-archive]

thots on karl?

It fucks me up every single day to know that he was made tranquil for literally no other reason than because he was willing to speak up about how mages were being treated in the Gallows and was encouraging others to do the same like it makes me want to eat glass it truly does.

[gobbluthbutagirl]

remember in like june/july/whenever when i made like 5 different posts about desperados under the eaves by warren zevon being the sound of the summer & i don’t think any of them got any notes ever but i was literally right

[noretreatnancy]

Midsommar is so AHHHHH it’s just “do you feel held by him? Does he feel like home?” and I’m losing my mind

[dying-suffering-french-stalkers]

This latest round of Reylo reblogs brought to you by me listening to Tchaikovsky while in the shower

[rebelwithoutacause]

i’m still thinking about that goddamn movie

[broadwayandnetflix]

Slow Down - Bill Hader x Reader

Warnings: Language

Theme: Fluff + 1/4 of Angst

Summary:  Hi I’ve literally been binging all of your fics and I didn’t know if you were still taking requests, but I was wondering if I could request an imagine with Bill Hader where the reader is sick and passes out at SNL and Bill helps them and takes them home

Word Count: 4.1k

A/N: Ahh thank you so much for your patience @bduchrnskei​ I really hope you enjoy this fic and it met your prompt expectations. I absolutely loved writing this one amongst all of my evil schoolwork, but what can you do? 

Living in a small-sized New York City apartment was not all that it’s cracked up to be. Whether it’s the heavy traffic and clutter of construction that never halts or the extreme temperatures during any season.

In this case, in particular, winter.

Or, more specifically, in this case, your heater broke, and it had become like an iceberg within your apartment space. As stated by your landlord, the repairmen were supposed to come on Saturday night, and as of right now, it was Thursday.

So bundling up had to do, in a way, you kind of missed the heater’s incessant rattling, as it had become a sort of a white noise these last few months.

You hadn’t been in New York City for very long, a little under a year, maybe? It wasn’t like you to pack up and move randomly to the Big Apple, but after clearing a spot as a new cast member with Saturday Night Live. It was most certainly a must.

Ever since you were little, you’d always had a knack for making others laugh or just getting to see someone smile. Saturday Night Live became your goal, and to secure it was like winning a million dollars. Even if it meant having to endure New York’s extreme seasonal changes.

This week was no different in the typical workflow; you were technically a new cast member. So the number of sketches you had been in was significantly limited. Still, you loved it nonetheless, with the lack of skits that you had been in lately allowed you to get to know your cast members more.

Specifically, your other recurring cast members like Nasim Pedrad and Jenny Slate, the three of you would often meet up for coffee on Sundays. Taking the time to decompress and discuss your favorite sketches of the week. It was nice to have a group of people you could relate to and find solace in, especially when the weeks became stressful or exhausting.

And oh boy, did your week’s become exhausting, especially on Saturdays. You shuddered at the thought of dress rehearsal as it stretched late into the night; losing sleep was worth the excitement.

You looked at the clock, it was nearing close to four in the morning, and you still had been awake at this point. Maybe it was the cold or the thousands of thoughts swirling through your mind, much like the snow accumulating outside.

Work was gonna be a bitch tomorrow.

You sneezed at the thought, sighed, and made sure to set your alarm before letting sleep take over.

-

You awoke with a headache and a blaring alarm that was erupting from your phone. Groaning, you shut the phone off and tried to ignore the incessant pain protruding from your forehead.

Swallowing some painkillers, you got dressed, grabbed your keys, and headed to work. Totally not picking up a coffee and a breakfast sandwich on the way.

“Why good morning Y/N!” Jenny chirped as you walked into the room, still rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

“You sound oddly chipper, what happened?” you said as you put down your stuff, eyeing her curiously.

“She got some sleep, that’s what happened.” Nasim replied, nursing a cup of coffee in her hands, giving you a sleepy smile.

“Lucky duck,” you murmured, instinctively reaching for your coffee as well. It coated your throat nicely, you sighed in content.

Jenny only smirked before starting up another conversation with Nasim; you let your eyes wander across the room. Everyone in motion, working hard to make sure shit got done. That’s the thing about working at 30 Rock; no one ever really stopped moving.

One thing that you still had not gotten used to was Monday’s. The grueling and exhausting twenty-four hour stretch period of planning and concocting up sketches. It was a scary feeling, as if you could ever compare to everyone else.

Every now and then, a pitch you threw into the ball pit would get picked, the tiny butterflies in your stomach reminding you why you did what you did.

Your eyes landed on a particular figure as he strolled into the room. His hair beautifully tousled, eyes half-open, and shirt resting ever so comfortably upon his chest. You diverted your eyes quickly, only to feel yourself begin to sneeze.

Fuck, for the love of all that’s holy, please do not sneeze in front of Hader.... too late.

He looked up, meeting your widened eyes, and gave you a soft smile. It lingered for a bit until Andy swept up from behind and hugged him along by the arm. For a second, you could’ve sworn he was gonna look back, but Andy had appeared to say something.

“Bless you!” Nasim and Jenny said in unison.

You mouthed thanks and leaned back against the wall, replaying the scene over and over again.

“Thinking about Hader again?” Jenny asked, following your line of sight, as she nudged you in the side playfully.

“Jenny! Not too loud, he might hear you.” you frantically whispered, a stern look aglow in your eyes.

“Oh honey, it’s so obvious.” Nasim chimed in, Jenny nodding eagerly in response.

“Plus he’s too far away, you’re more than safe Y/N, I think it’s cute that you like him. All the more reason to make fun of you.” Jenny says quickly before she is shoved by Nasim.

“I’m joking! I’m joking! Okay maybe not fully joking.” Jenny yelps, giving you a wicked grin.

You groaned, rubbing your hands over your eyes in embarrassment. It was so bad, crushing on cast members, but man, was he handsome. Although you had denied it, a lot of your favorite sketches from the past weeks always seemed to involve Hader.

It was not like it was gonna go anywhere; you two barely spoke, and plus you’d probably be a mess if you did. Every now and then, though, you’d often find Hader sitting beside you at table reads. His laugh is always so goddamn infectious, and Jenny and Nasim eyeing you playfully like schoolgirls.

God, you were a mess, and it seemed like everyone knew it. Maybe even Hader knew; let’s hope he doesn’t.

“You know Y/N, I’ve never seen Hader as shy as he is when he’s around you. I mean the man literally sniffed my hair yesterday,” you quirk a brow, “But- but with you, he’s soft” Nasim’s voice crowds your thoughts, and you instantly look up to meet her in disbelief.

“Bullshit.” you retort, trying to ignore whatever attempt she was trying to make.

“Girl, you’ve kind of got a point. He’s not as jokey as he usually is whenever he’s around you Y/N.” Jenny adds, only to be interrupted by Lorne calling for a meeting.

Ah, how could you forget? Dress Rehearsal. While these days didn’t run as long as the others, they were equally draining and stressful. The three of you walked to Lorne’s office just in time as the rest of the cast stood beside you.

You felt yourself to begin to shiver unexpectedly, hugging yourself tightly. Since when was 30 Rock so cold? You felt Nasim look at you questioningly, and you shrugged her off.

Lorne had discussed the skits’ arrangements for the day, murmurs of excitement beginning to spread like wildfire around the room. Everyone just itches to get out and see if their sketch would succeed or bomb.

You took your seat in the audience as the sketches would come and go, meeting your cues whenever necessary. At the same time, your painkillers had seemed to wear off as your headache only seemed to get worse.

You made your way backstage to find the building’s first aid kit, only to brush past another coworker. That just so happened to be Bill Hader.

You opened your mouth, but nothing came out, slowly clamping it shut; his eyes met yours in slight confusion before softening slightly.

“Woah, hey Y/N, everything okay? You were in kind of a hurry there.” he asks; you could barely meet his eyes as they searched yours for any sort of response.

“Oh,” you gulped, “Yeah I just have this crazy headache, um I was just looking for the first aid kit.” you say, shifting the balance on your one foot to the other. 

His eyes widened before nodding quickly as if he was just reminded of something. The butterflies in your stomach crescendo as he quickly rested his palm upon your shoulder. You didn’t even know how to act, your body practically freezing at the contact.

“Actually to save you the trouble I have some painkillers upstairs in my dressing room. Not that I have like tons of drugs, but it’s no problem with me if that’ll help your headache.”

You quickly nod in response, trying to hide back a small smile before following him up several flights of stairs. God, you hated being so shy around Bill; it wasn’t like he was some mean old jerk; he was oh so genuine and thoughtful.

The two of you halt at a labeled Hader door; he looks back at you almost to check if you’re still there. Opening the door, he led you in, giving you a quick smirk, before crouching down and digging through the contents of his bag.

You had realized that this was the first time that you had ever been in a specific cast member’s dressing room. In particular, Hader’s room was neat and tidy, but you could see bits and pieces of his character sticking out. You couldn’t help but smile at it all, so caught up in the intricate details you didn’t even notice him get back up.

“Y/N, you good?” he asks; you focus your attention back on him quickly.

His hands outstretched, one holding a bottle of Advil and the other clamped tightly around a water bottle.

“Oh, um yeah. Thank you so much you have no idea how much I appreciate you for doing this.” you say rather quickly, but Hader doesn’t seem phased by your awkward nature.

You reach for the bottle and water, fingers gently brushing against his. The two of you looking down at the contact before parting ways.

Hader clears his throat, and you feel your stomach begin to tighten. Slipping two pills into your mouth, you unscrew the cap and down it carefully.

“You nervous about tomorrow?” he asks while placing the pill bottle back within his bag.

“A little I guess, I mean I tend to get nerves closer to the show. I’m sure at this point though, you’ve become an expert at staying calm.” you reply, his gaze falling towards the floor.

“Oh my god, I’m a wreck Y/N. This show is so stressful it eats at me every week, no matter what. I mean, clearly I’m doing something right and Lorne’s not gonna fire me, but, my anxiety gets so bad.” he says quickly. His eyes widened, and his posture became slightly tenser than before.

You couldn’t help but soften your gaze; you had no idea that he even went through this every week. Even now, with the buzzing tension in the air for tomorrow night, you couldn’t imagine what he was going through. Let alone the fact that he made the time to help you out.

“I wouldn’t have ever noticed,” he looks back up at you. “I mean, you’ve always just looked so...confident. I just can’t even begin to imagine what’s that like, every week constantly. I’m so sorry you have to go through that.” you quietly admit.

He shakes his head quickly, putting out a hand almost as if he was trying to stop you.

“No, no, it’s fine. Thank you though, it’s awfully sweet to hear that. Especially from someone like you.” Hader’s eyes filled with such warmth.

Was Hader blushing? Or were you losing it? Probably losing it.

“Oh about that headache, everything okay up in there?” he murmurs, stepping just a tad bit closer to you.

“It’s probably nothing, but I do appreciate the help.” you look back at the door, “We should probably get back? Right? Don’t wanna miss our dress.” you say quickly.

Hader nods within an instant, eyes widening at the realization of how long you two had been gone for. He led you to the door, giving you a quick smile before he ran out, murmuring something about a skit that had something to do with the guest host.

You giggle softly, heaving a contented sigh. It definitely was gonna be a long day, and you could’ve sworn that the temperature had just dropped.

Strange.

-

You couldn’t have stumbled into it until at least one in the morning, but sleep had been desperately calling your name. Oh, how you missed having a regular sleep schedule; it would make mornings less of a struggle.

Except this morning was different, or more so than you were used to. The headache that had arrived less than twenty-four hours earlier was now ten times worse. Your body ached, and you couldn’t decipher if the bed was too hot or too cold.

This was torture, and quite possibly the flu, not to mention, you had the show tonight, shit. You practically sprang upwards before feeling the instant aftermath of that decision settling in. It felt absolutely criminal to leave those sheets as you groaned and grimaced your way towards your kitchen cabinet. Eyes barely opened while you blindly searched for the thermometer you had kept.

One quick temperature check later, you were running a low-grade fever. Shit, shit, shit, shit. I mean, you couldn’t miss the show, right? It just didn’t seem plausible, or maybe it did?

You frantically wondered while your fingers grazed over the Google search bar whether going to work with a low-grade fever would be beneficial?

Every answer didn’t really seem to fit the unrealistic expectations that you had set for yourself. Still, one disgusting shot of Dayquil later, you were out the door.

The day went by in a haze, and the headache never really did seem to falter. It was almost like yesterday in a sense, but seeing Hader waltz into the room made you smile. He smiled back.

Of course, Jenny and Nasim knew something was up; they always did. It wasn’t like Lorne was gonna fire you for missing one show; it was the flu. Except, you had made it this far, how bad could it possibly go?

-

The lights were too bright, far too bright for you to even think properly, and your fever was sure burning up. Or maybe it wasn’t, you always had to ask others around for that sorta assistance. Except, this was the primary night of the week and you weren’t gonna ask a cast member to feel your forehead.

Imagine if Hader did, Y/N, please stop being a dork.

You found solace in a large water bottle, but it didn’t do much to help the way your body ached miserably. You looked like a mess, you felt like a mess, but this was the big leagues.

The last time you had checked, the previous performance of the musical guest had been underway. Which meant you had survived, but the exhaustion that had been ever-growing was begging for you to lay down.

The floor looked so good right now, yeah, just for a hot second, ugh why is everything burning up?

Slowly closing your eyes, you let yourself press up against the wall, except there wasn’t a wall right there, and down you went with a thud.

-

Bill had been anxious all night, of course for the show, but for you in particular. You usually always looked so put-together, but tonight something about you was just off. It was beginning to rub him the wrong way.

“Andy, do you notice anything strange about, um, Y/N over there?” he said, trying to muffle the concerned edge that rested within his voice.

“Y/N? Oh that new cast member you like?” Andy replied without much thought, earning a stern look from Hader.

“She’ll hear you, god man you sure can be loud. Whatever, she just looks kind of off man, I’m a little nervous for her.”

Andy’s gaze softened just a tad until something caught his attention out of the corner of his eye.

“I mean normally I would say that she looks fine and you’re just crushing, but I don’t think that is normal.” Bill’s gaze instantly locked onto the same thing, which was you fainting onto the floor.

His body going rigid before ultimately bolting upright, he wasn’t gonna catch you in time. Still, he definitely was gonna help if he could. Although he most definitely wasn’t the only one, other stray coworkers who happened to be backstage stood, jaws dropped.

There you went, tumbling to the ground, and Bill couldn’t help but feel his heart drop. Maybe that headache was worse than you had let up. He felt guilty for not speaking up sooner, but there was nothing he could do now.

They called a medic on the site, trying to keep it discreet as possible. It was a live show; he didn’t think it would be professional if broadcasted that shit.

He tried to fill in all of the details of how you had been acting the past few hours. It felt like he couldn’t do much to help, but he didn’t wanna leave your sight. It was odd; something about you really drew him in, leaving him reaching for more.

Plus, at this point, the last thing he had to do was go on stage while they rolled the credits. Bill was optimistic that this would count as a good reason.

He watched anxiously while the medic’s placed you upon a stretcher, his feet following without much thought. They wheeled you out to a waiting ambulance; he gulped at the thought of you having to be taken to the hospital.

Surprisingly they allowed him inside the ambulance; he was so convinced he’d be forced to wait until god knows how long. The vehicle provided seats off the side, allowing him to catch his breath and try not to worry about his current state.

That is until he saw you looking back groggily at him; now, this was definitely normal, as the medic had explained. He just didn’t see it coming; you blinked a few times, looking around at your surroundings.

-

“Hey, saw you took a little snooze there.” he teased, his gaze never leaving yours.

The ambulance rattled slightly, and you gasped a little before focusing your attention back onto him.

“Is this an ambulance? What happened?” you sat upright, feeling ten times worse, trying to piece together precisely why you and Bill Hader, of all people, were in the ambulance?

“Y/N, you fainted. The doctor’s said you’re burning up, they’re taking you to the ER.” he explained carefully, as you groaned in frustration.

He cocked his head slightly, clearly not expecting that response.

“About that, yeah I think I have the flu, I had a low-grade fever this morning.” you admitted sheepishly, not even daring to meet his gaze.

“I’m sorry what?” he exclaimed, his eyes as wide as literal saucers. “Lemme get this straight, you went to work, with the flu?” you nodded, and he ran his hands over his face.

“Listen, I didn’t wanna disappoint Lorne. I mean it’s the night of all nights.” the words came out softer than you had intended; Hader practically melted.

“Oh, did you really think that Lorne’s gonna get pissed at you for having the flu? Oh sweetie, you know your health comes first right?” his words falling ever so sweetly off his lips.

You could barely look at the man, let alone control the multitude of butterflies that jolted in your already queasy stomach. Not to mention that he even thought to tag along, you nodded, not saying a word, focusing on his blue eyes like they were a safety net. Until you closed them, letting sleep overtake you.

-

You awoke once more to the sounds of machines beeping, people going from room to room, and an incessant tapping of one’s shoe.

This was most definitely the emergency room, your eyes scanning its surroundings until they landed on one person in particular. He looked exhausted, more so than you did, and you felt awful given the time it was at night. In fact, it was practically morning.

“You’re still here,” he sat upright, rubbing his eyes, “Thanks for sticking it out, Bill.” you tried to give him the most genuine smile you could possibly muster.

“Of course, I mean I overheard the doctor anyway. You’re cleared to go when you wake up, and definitely have to get some rest. I already spoke to Lorne.” you gaped, but he only stood up.

“Bill, what did he say?” you whisper.

“That you should listen to the doctor, and me.” you raised a brow. “Okay maybe he didn’t say me, but you get the point?” he exclaimed as he helped you get out of the bed.

The two of you walking towards the desk in which you had to sign out some papers, the pen unsteadily perched upon your fingers. Bill’s hand holding securely upon your back, in hopes you wouldn’t stumble. In reality, just being near him set your heart aflutter.

“Now I’m taking you home, but first I was thinking I could get you some soup for home. That sound good?” you could only look at the man in pure awe.

“You don’t have to do this Bill, really, I mean you’ve already done enough.” you gulped, only to see the man give you a smirk, his eyes glinting at you mischievously.

“Soup it is.” his hand clamping against yours, he led you out of the hospital and into the cold streets of New York City.

It didn’t take long for the two of you to reach the little soup shop he’d been talking about; it was cozy and apparently open twenty-four seven. Against his offer, you paid for two soups that looked the most delicious and cupped the cups while strolling back to your place.

“How do you think you got the flu?” he asked gently, looking at you with curiosity.

You had to try not to laugh; I mean, at this point, it was your fault, you subjected yourself to the tundra in your bedroom for the past few nights.

“Well, my heater has been broken for the past few nights. I assume that’s how I got it.” a smile aglow upon your face, giggling at Hader’s shocked expression.

“It better be fixed tonight when we get to your apartment complex. That’s ridiculous, Y/N.” you kept giggling, and soon he joined in with that gorgeous laugh of his.

You enjoyed your time with Hader even though internally you felt like shit; he made it so much more bearable. The air was light between the two of you, he made it easy to open up, and you wanted to know so much about him.

God, wait till you let Nasim and Jenny know about this night. They’re so gonna flip; you just knew it. Not to mention, the big looming ‘I told you so’ that was so coming your way.

“This is it.” he came to a halt, admiring the quaint little building that you happened to call home.

“You do know I’m not leaving until that heater is back on, right?” he ordered, but underneath his serious tone, you could see the concern.

“Oh come on Hader, let’s go see.”

The two of you taking the steps at a time, your body wanting to collapse, but you couldn’t let him know. He stood beside you while you inserted your keys into the lock, twisting it, before walking inside.

“What’s that rattling noise?” Hader wondered aloud.

A huge grin meeting your lips, you looked at him in pure delight, and he soon got the memo. His eyes widening before heaving a sigh of relief, only to halt.

“You call me if you need anything okay? Get some sleep, and um, stay warm. That’s an order, you hear me?” you could see his performance wavering as he tried desperately not to laugh.

“Yes, Sir.” you saluted weakly, but he only began to break instantly.

You really did love that laugh.

Thanks, Bill, for everything, really.” you said as he turned to head to the door, stepping up on your toes to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

His face instantly turned red before trying to compose himself as he walked away. You watched while he left the residence, giving you one last smile.

-

You awoke in a drowsy stupor that next morning to a text message from an unknown number.

Unknown Number: Want me to bring you some coffee and breakfast? - btw, this is Bill. Hope this l wasn’t too creepy. I ain’t no stalker.

Maybe: Bill: ps. How do you like your coffee?

Bill: ps.s yes or no?

You fell back on the bed with such a shit-eating grin, only to groan in response to the mistake you had just made.

You: Yes 

[hearthomelesbian]

*jenny slate voice* i had to put down call down the hawk because it made me too CRAZY! it would just be like, ""I want it too much," Adam said." and i was like: *SCREAMS*

[lovechrisevansimagine]

The Fairytales Trip

Pairing: Chris Evans x Female!Reader

Warnings:  fluff, slight cursing

Part: 4/??

Description: Your annual trip to Disney with your family changes drastically when you meet Chris and his family at your hotel, your families get along so well that they decided to join until the rest of the trip. A whole week with your favorite actor in the most magical place on earth… where will this end?

Author’s Note: I'm back, bitches!

Word Count: 2,869

You were looking at your cell phone for at least 20 minutes. You read it so many times you decorated the words. And don’t matter how many times you think about it, the feeling just doesn’t go away.

“Chris Evans with a mystery woman at Disney”.

It was a whole fucking article about you and Chris, with pics that you didn’t even notice people were taking of you both. The worst picture was the one where you and him were on the Big Thunder, it seemed you two were about to kiss.

You knew that is was going to happen eventually, but not that soon. And you did not expect that they would find all your information like your freaking name, age, everything. And It scared you at first, but then it turned to anger and then sadness.

If it were only the article it wouldn’t affect you so much, but when you entered on twitter. Everything changed. You saw “Chris Evans” on trending topics and you just knew what was about to happen.

The article was nothing compare the Twitter, pictures all over the internet and words… oh the words, you never felt more attacked in your whole life. There were every types of comments, the ones saying you're pretty and the ones saying you're ugly and “not good looking enough for him”.

And not no mention how full your notification were, since people knew your name, they find your username.

You threw your cell phone in the bed and sighed. You weren't even dating to begin with.

“Sweetheart?” You heard your dad’s voice. “Do you want dinner?”

You refused, you knew that they were going to have dinner with the Evans family and that Chris haven’t done anything, but you needed to think a little bit.

What is this? What are you doing? What Chris wants? What you want?

It's revolting that you have to think about it right now, like you were even dating. You're flirting with him like you've never done before, but who wouldn't be??! And it seemed he was flirting too, but maybe he was just being kind. Every woman, and even mans, in your position would do it the same, right? So why on earth you’re being so criticized from people you didn't even know.

You don't have to deal with this.

You once read that Jenny slate said it was a nightmare to date him because of the fans criticism… it would be like this? If something could happen between you two it would be like this all the time?

You never were the type of woman who was insecure, but you weren't super secure either. So you didn't know how you should react or think about that. You always thought you were beautiful in your own way, but you agreed with that comment. You're not pretty enough for him. He is a Hollywood star and you are just ordinary. You weren't Margot Robbie or whatever. You were y/n.

Oh God. Your head was spinning.

You pick up your phone one more time and see a message.

“Is everything ok?” from Chris. You smiled, he was one of a kind.

“everything is fine, I’m just too tired. Thanks for caring :)”

He replied in the same second.

“I can grab some food and take it to your room.”

Seriously, if you could only see one flaw on him, everything would be so much easier.

“Aren’t you sick of my face yet?”

“Oh please… you should be the one sick of my face. I meet you recently but you have seen me before”

Like someone could ever…

“As if… thank you, but the old woman here needs her sleep.”

“I see how it is… the age comes to everyone. Goodnight.”

Your smile was unintentionally on your face.

“Goodnight.”

You put the phone beside you and you feel a warm feeling, but it quickly disappears when the realization of that feeling panics you. No. You had to stop, the only person whose feelings would be fucked up is you.

You sighed again and turned off the lights. Didn’t want to think about anything anymore.

In the next day, everybody were getting ready for epcot. Your families became so close that you knew they would be together until the end of the trip, where everyone would split up and you would never hear from them again.

Your heart tightened a little at the thought.

When you reached the restaurant, the first thing you see is him. He was making silly faces for his nephews, and suddenly he sees you and opens a smile. Not a regular one, a real one. You forget how to breathe for a moment, he was smiling for you.

You approach them an d say “good morning, everyone.” And before you could think, you sat next to Scott instead of Chris. “Hey, sweetheart. You missed dinner yesterday.” Lisa said.

“I know, I was so tired I went straight to bed.” You smile to her.

“Well, somebody missed you yesterday.” Scott said.

You look at him and he jumped in the chair. What?!

“Ouch.” He exclaimed.

“Who?” You asked.

“No one…” He said.

You frown your eyebrows and you see Chris a little red. Wow. Chris Evans is embarrassed. What a view to see.

You look around the table and see Lisa was exchange glances with your mother.

What is going on?

“Hm… ok.” You said.

“I think it’s time to get some food, right?” Chris gets up and walks to the buffet.

“It was him.” Scott whispered in your ear and you laughed.

“I noticed”.

You got up and got some food too, after all you hadn’t eaten anything last night.

    “Where do you guys want to go first?” Carly asked, looking at the map.

You smiled.  “Well…” Your mother say. “We always go to Spaceship Earth first…” Your dad laughed.

“Let me guess… another family tradition?” Chris said to you.

“Oh my God, can you read minds?” You ask pretending to be surprised that he guessed.

He laughed. “Actually, I can.” You pretended to be shocked.

“Edward Cullen? Is that you?”

He rolled his eyes.

“Oh, please… don't tell me you like this crap” He said.

You and your mother stop and stare at him with wide eyes.

“No, you didn’t!” Your mother said.

“Christopher, are you really telling me that twilight isn't the best movie ever made?” You ask seriously.

He look at his mother with despair.

“N-n-no… w-what I-I w-was try-trying to say is….”

“The damage is done, boy.” Your father said.

“Damn, Chris. You just lost the approval of your future mother-in-law.” Scott said.

The look on Chris face was priceless, but you started to think. Scott was kidding, right? The truth was, there was no way Chris could like you. Like everybody said you're not a Hollywood star or a supermodel. That must be a joke.

But on the other hand, you couldn't stop thinking about what Scott said at breakfast, how Chris missed you at dinner and now this…

Y/N do not be deceived.

“We're kidding.” Your mother said and for the second time of the day, Chris blushed. But he was relieved.

“We like twilight though.” You said. “My mother read all the books”.

“Never bring twilight to the conversation again. Got it” He said more to himself than you.

After 5 minutes in the line, because of the fast pass, you guys entered and you seated next to Chris. Even against your will. The truth is… you didn't know how to react after reading all the hate on the internet. You always watched the hate of others famous people, but this was you. Your phone still was going crazy of notifications.

The ride was calm and educational, made it an incredible distraction from your own thoughts.

“Why you always start with this one?” Chris ask after a while.

“I think it's because of the location and because it's my mother's favorite.” You said simply.

“And what’s your favorite?” He ask.

“Easy. Soarin” You say smiling.

“What about Test Track?”

“It’s my second favorite.” You laughed. “And what about you?”

“Test track” You nodded. “But..” You interrupted.

“Let me guess…. Soarin is your second favorite?” He nodded and you smiled at each other.

The ride was suddenly over and everyone agreed to go to Test track. Ethan and Miles were super excited, not as much as Chris, but super excited.

“What color will you choose for your car, Miles?” You ask the little one, noticing how impatient he was.

“Red.”

“Red?” He nodded. “Why?”

“It’s my favorite color.”

“Oh my God, red is my favorite color too” You said.

“Really?” You nodded. “Do you want to be in my car, y/n?” You heart melted. He was so damn cute.

“It would be my dream, m.” You paused. “Can I call you m?” He nodded. “But let’s make a promise, I’m the only one who can call you that.”

“I really like you, f/l/y/n” (first letter of your name)

"Excuse me, but we are totally excluded." Chris said with Ethan on his arms.

“It’s not my fault you wanted to do a yellow car.” Miles said to Ethan.

“Yellow is so much better than red.” He said.

“Guys, why don't we made a car red and yellow.” You said and the boys started to think about it.

“I  don't know…” Ethan said.

“Look…” You started, picked up Miles and made a sign for Chris to bring Ethan along, and went straight to the design. You started to design the car, with the opinions of Miles and Ethan, and put the two colors together. It made a cool match and you were proud of yourself. You look at their faces and they are smiling. “So… did you like it?” You ask.

“Yes!” They say together and smile to you.

You put Miles down and Chris does the same with Ethan, they started talking about cars and races. You were distracted looking at them with a smile, you didn't even noticed when Chris approached you.

“They really like you.” He said.

“I like them too.”

“That was good design you made over there.” He said.

You shrugged. “Colors is something that you have to know how to use them, see them and understand them at design university”.

“What university did you go in?”

“NYU” You smile, remembering college time.

“When did you graduated?”

“About 8/9 years ago.” He nodded.

“Y/N… I want to talk to you about something…” He was nervous, you could tell, and you knew exactly what he wanted to talk about. The pictures, the fans… everything. The truth is you're still processing all of it and you didn't want to talk about. Besides everything, he owes you nothing.

“Look, it’s our turn.” You interrupted him and took Miles's hand to get in the car, being followed by Ethan and Chris. He sat next to you and looked at you with worried eyes, you just made a force smile.

“It’s going to start” Miles scream with excitement, making you laugh. He is so damn cute!

You've been on this ride 500 times and yet the fun never goes away and you didn’t think sometime will. You spent the rest of the day a little closer with his family in general than Chris, you aren’t avoiding him you just needed to think about what you should do and how to handle. But at the end of the day, you really wanted to take pictures with your favorite princess and nobody wanted to wait 20 minutes in the line with you, so Chris offered to stay with you.

“I'll go with you.” He said with a smile that didn't reached his eyes. You suddenly get nervous, this was the first time of the day you were truly alone with him and you knew he was going to talk about it.

“I can’t believe even Stella didn't want to take picture with y/f/p.” You said making a pout. He looks at your lips more than he should and you swear you see desire in his eyes, but you know how impossible that is. Especially because his entire fan base thinks you're not good enough.

He seemed to wake up from his little world. “Her favorite princess is Elsa.” You make a grimace. “What?” He laughed.

“The old ones are so much better than the new ones.”

“I agree.” He said.

“But thanks for the company.” You smile at him.

“Anything, sweetheart.” Oh, the nickname. You almost had a heart attack again. If he only knew how these nicknames make you feel…. “Look, in the line for Test Track I tried to talk to you about something.”

You didn't have an escape this time.

“It’s about the news, isn't it?” You ask without facing him and he nodded. “What you want to talk about?”

“What I want to say to you is that…” He stopped, trying to find the best words.

“Look…” You interrupted him. “You don’t have to say anything, okay? It’s not your fault and I’m just a little shocked to have my picture on TMZ and your fanbase knowing my twitter… but you don’t have to worry about anything, okay? I’m not mad or blaming your for anything.” You said with a smile.

“I know media can change everything and make it 100 times bigger than actually is… I didn’t wanting this to happen, not right now… “ You could feel he was really tense with all this, he knew it was a lot to handle.

“I know… but it happened. And we can’t change that. I'll have to deal with it and…” You frowned. “But don't worry, they'll leave me alone when they realize we're not together.”

You see in his eyes a disappointment, but you ignore because everything you said is true.

“I know but… “ He stopped. “I can deny it, if you want to.”

You laughed. “Oh, it wouldn’t matter at all. You know that, but, hey, let me live in this fantasy of dating Steve Rogers for a sec.” You joked and he opened a smile.

“I can make it happen if you want to…” He whispered to himself, but you heard. You heart stopped and you couldn’t believe. No, it must be a joke.

Great, Y/N. And now you're hallucinating.

You ignore him and you say anything until it was your time. Chris didn’t know if you wanted a picture with him, so he stayed for a minute and you grab his hand making him take a picture with you.

“So are you guys a couple?” The princess asks for you both and you blushed, he smiles at you.

“No… We are just friends.” You said embarrassed, Chris in the other hand couldn't stop smiling.

“I recognize a prince and princess when I see them… and you two look amazing together!” She said with a smile. “What’s your name?”

“Y/N.”

“Christopher.”

“Y/N and Christopher… even the names match!” She said. “You could live next to my castle with my prince.”

“Oh, we'd love to too!” Chris said and you slapped his arm.

“Just friends… hun?” She asked jokingly. “I think he wants to be more than just friends.”

“Oh my God!” You should have left Chris behind.

“I can’t help being so romantic…” She said to you.

“Is that why you married a guy you barely knew?” You teased and he laughed.

“And because I recognize a true love when I see one.” She gave you two a look and you didn’t know what to say. Then she asked how you wanted to pose for the picture, and you smile to the camera.

“Thank you so much, you’re my favorite.” You said.

“And now you must marry her… for the good taste.” You two laughed and exit the line.

As you walk to get the picture, he said. “Well that was interesting.”

“I mean… she's a hopeless romantic.” You shrugged.

“Or we really make a good couple” He said and you give him a look. “What? She's not wrong, you know.”

“I mean… duh?” You said ironic. “That’s why people think we're together.”

"We can't stop being so cute." You laughed.

“Exactly!”

Soarin was the last ride, so you meet your families and go straight to the ride, because of the fast past, and the ride was as amazing as you remembered. A favorite is always a favorite. After the ride, you went back to the hotel and combined of having dinner together again.

When you lay down in your bed, you left a moan of relief leave your mouth. You needed to rest, your body and your psychological were exhausted. As habit, you picked up your phone and answered your best friend who was filling you up with questions, and a twitter notification popped up.

You clicked and it was a notification of a new follower. It was Chris, he followed you on your Twitter and for curiosity, you open his profile to see if he  tweeted something and you almost fall of the bed.

It was the picture of you two with the princess with the description:

“A great day with my true love.”

What the fuck?

 Tag list: @thatfangirl16 @firecatcher007 @cookies-and-cream-forever @j-j-ehlby-writes @ajosieface @cocomel0613 @immajustreadwritereblog @ latonasworld @capsiclesdoll @haileystudy @mrsevansthefirst @itsallyscorner  @haileystudy @buckysclub​ @yelyahwilliams​ 

[rotgospels]

(jenny slate voice) i had to stop reading wuthering heights bc it made me too crazy! emily brontë would be like “you said i killed you - haunt me, then” and i was like (screams) 

[evilvarric666-archive]

*Jenny slate voice* I had to stop reading The Princess Bride because it made me too crazy! It was like "I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more." and I was like *SCREAMS*

[judesstfrancis]

jenny slate voice I had to stop reading fanfiction bc it made me too crazy!!!!! the author would be like "he has to sleep on his bf's left side bc he wants to hear his heartbeat" and I'd be like *screams*

[incorrectstarcoquotes]

My Fail Five Star vs the Forces of Evil Characters

Because my fail five episodes went over like a fart in church, let’s go ahead and do another fail list. 

Star vs the Forces of Evil is my number one favorite cartoon, but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect or it doesn’t have some bad spots. With a cast of characters this large, there’s bound to be a few you don’t like. Here are my fail five characters:

5. Tad

Tad is kinda gross, don’t cha think? I mean, he’s a talking clump of hair. He super clingly to his ex-girlfriend. He never leaves her alone, like a creep. I love Greg Cipes, but I groan every time he’s on-screen. And why did he think Marco was his best friend? That’s so weird. At least he gave us that ugly-ass “Kell-lay” face.

4. Jeremy Birnbaum

I relate to Marco in a lot of ways. Unfortunately, that means I also know what it’s like to have a kid who’s younger pick on you. You can’t do anything about it because if you do it makes you look like the bully. It’s understandable because the show makes it clear that you’re not supposed to like him. He’s supposed to be a brat and make Marco look more like a loser while making him more sympathetic at the same time. I’m glad he didn’t show up at Britta’s Tacos.

3. Pony Head

DISCLAIMER: I love Jenny Slate. Her role on Parks & Recreation is totally a prelude to this role, but damn. It’s like when you put too much spice on your favorite food and then it just becomes gross. She obviously disliked Marco from the get-go and is incredibly self-centered and petty. I think what really sealed the deal for me was in Running With Scissors when she was basically cool with the idea of Marco being dead. I know, there are a lot of people who hate her a lot more than I do, but she did give me a few funny moments that did make me laugh. Still did Ponymodium though.

2. Tom Lucitor

Do I even really need to say anything at this point? My hatred of Tom has been well documented and if you follow the blog then it’s no surprise. In fact, let me take this time to put two blog posts in one. Even though no one asked for it, this is:

Why I hate Tom Lucitor

Let’s get a few things out of the way. Do I hate his design? No, I think it’s just fine. Teenage demon boy. No big deal. Do I hate his voice? No, Rider Strong is a good actor. I know there are a lot of people who are jerks that go after an actor when they don’t like the characters he plays. I know better, and I don’t even know if he’s on social media. I never bothered to check. Do I hate that he got in the way of Starco? Yes, but Jackie got in the way of Starco too, but I don’t hate her. So why the intense hate? The Blood Moon Ball. No, really. It’s because of the Blood Moon Ball.

When Tom has his first full introduction it’s to invite Star to the Blood Moon Ball. We don’t know anything about it except that it happens once every six hundred sixty seven years. No big deal. Who cares? Then we actually get to the Blood Moon Ball and we see Tom’s controlling and short-tempered nature. That way we see why Star broke up with him. Then the MC explains the nature of the Blood Moon Ball. When the light of the Blood Moon shines down on a couple, it will bind their souls together. The MC (Master of Ceremonies, not Main Character) told us (the audience and Star) that right before it was going to happen. The painting in Star’s room says, “Blood Moon tonight...the moon of lovers,” making it very clear it is about romantic love. It always bothered me that Tom never told her what the Blood Moon Ball entailed. He did know. He invited her. He’s the prince of the underworld. He’s in charge. He’s the one hosting the event. Tom invited Star to the Blood Moon Ball, hoping that the Blood Moon would bind their souls together, forcing her to love him without giving her a choice. He didn’t tell her that’s what the Blood Moon would do. He used their previous relationship and her love of dancing to manipulate her into attending, even though she made it clear that she wanted him to leave her alone after they broke up. How are the rest of you okay with this? This doesn’t make you mad? He tried to force her to love him.

In a part two to why I hate Tom, he doesn’t get punished for doing this, or at least not appropriately. In Blood Moon Ball, Star does freeze Tom in a block of ice but that’s for trying to kill Marco, not for trying to curse her. In Mr Candle Cares, Tom tries to use Mr. Candle to exploit Star’s fears and insecurities of becoming queen in order to manipulate Star into getting back together with him. I’m still not really sure how, but yes that is the plan.

Exploit Star’s fears and insecurities about becoming queen

???

Profit

And all he gets is a punch to the shoulder. Kinda let him off the hook a little too easily for emotional manipulation but whatever. The same thing happens in Curse of the Blood Moon. Tom tells Star the truth of the Blood Moon Ball but only when Marco confesses that he going crazy about Star. Tom only told the truth when Marco threatened his relationship with Star because Tom knows Star does have feelings for Marco. And again his punishment is...a punch to the shoulder. Who the fuck keeps letting him off the hook so easily?

Part three on why I hate Tom so much is that he tries to gain sympathy and play the victim during this. The part I hate the most is Lake House Fever, when they’re going through the scrapbook and it shows Tom building the carriage to the Blood Moon Ball. Really? Fucking really? ‘Oh look how hard he worked so he could try to curse you? Isn’t he just precious? He was there at your going away party. He just loves you so much’ Fuck you guys. This isn’t even completely his fault. Since Blood Moon Ball, I’ve had people send me messages fighting me on my hate for Tom. And that’s because I never tell them anything. I say, “I hate Tom.” Everyone responds. Why? You are not going to change my mind. Just let me hate Tom and go about my business. Four years of this crap. I’m not telling you you should hate Tom. I’m just saying I hate Tom.

tl; dr version: I hate Tom because

He tried to curse Star to force her to love him and didn’t tell her until Marco tried to tell Star he had feelings for her

He’s never been appropriately punished for it

It’s tried to be used as a way to garner sympathy for him

1. Spider With A Top Hat

When I see Tom, I hate him. I get angry. My favorite show became my least favorite during all the TomStar crap. With Spider With a Top Hat, I just don’t watch. At least I watch Tom. Spider With a Top Hat, I just turn off the TV and do something else. Anything else. I don’t like his voice. I don’t like his design. I don’t think he’s entertaining. I’d rather do anything else.

Who are your fail five Star vs the Forces of Evil characters? Don’t be afraid to make your own list.

Thanks for reading.