#*you will never leave me (Siri Tachi)

[legends-expo]

Photo by Bekah Marie Photo

When Subtext Is Text, Musings On Ferus Olin

It's the end of Pride month, and Legends Con Executive Director Katherine is taking the opportunity to talk about one of her favorite characters (and most recent cosplays), Ferus Olin. Ferus is one of the canonically queer characters in the Star Wars Legends timeline; and is, in her humble opinion, one of the most interesting representations of a queer character within the Star Wars universe.

Ferus comes from the Jude Watson books, first appearing in her Jedi Quest series and later leading the series Last of the Jedi. He also appeared in the Rebel Force series as a supporting character. All three of these series are Scholastic chapter books, published between the years of 2001 and 2010. They are progressive for their time in many ways, but are ultimately also a product of their time in how Ferus as a queer character is defined on the page. The line between subtext and text can be debated, but we have author confirmation via Twitter that Ferus is gay and married to Roan Lands. Roan was referred to as Ferus's "partner" throughout the Last of the Jedi and Rebel Force series. With these books being written throughout the 2000s, that was the current terminology used for gay couples at the time- and marriage was not even a legal option within the United States.  

The term partner is really only the beginning of the signs we see in-text that Ferus and Roan are a couple. The most interesting of those to me is this passage from the first book in the Last of the Jedi series. Obi-Wan has just rescued Roan from Imperial prison after both Ferus and Roan were arrested for leading rebel activities and separated within the prison. As part of the misadventures that occurred with Obi-Wan and Ferus after that, they are forced to temporarily leave behind the planet Bellassa where Ferus had been living with Roan. While in space Ferus and Obi-Wan talk about how Ferus resigned from the Jedi Order (that’s another story entirely, I don’t want to get too off track here)

“It doesn’t matter,” Ferus said. “I walked away. It was the most difficult thing I ever had to do, but in a way I’m glad it happened.”

“You’re still a Jedi, Ferus.”

“No,” Ferus said slowly. “I’m not. I can never really be a Jedi again. Not just because I left the Order.” He looked back in the direction of Bellassa. “I have attachments.”

“Once there was something I wanted, something forbidden by the Jedi code,” Obi-Wan said. “Qui-Gon said something to me then. He said, maybe in a different galaxy things will change. The Jedi will change. Here is the change Ferus. And I think… in the new order, attachments will be a strength. Maybe this is how the galaxy will be saved. So yes, you are still a Jedi.”

Obi-Wan is referring to events of the Jedi Apprentice books, also by Jude Watson, where he entered a brief romance with one of his fellow Padawans, Siri Tachi. Obi-Wan and Siri decided to end their relationship due to the Jedi code, which led to that conversation with Qui-Gon. In the text this is Ferus saying that his relationship with Roan is outside the bounds of the Jedi code, and Obi-Wan draws a parallel to a romantic relationship of his own. I personally would call this plain text rather than subtext based on both the context in-universe and the context that this was written in 2005.

Throughout the story there are more signs that while subtle, Ferus and Roan’s relationship is romantic. It's the way they tease each other, care for each other, and little snippets about their life together-

Read more on our Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/post/When-Subtext-Is-Text-Musings-On-Ferus-Olin-K3K8MRUH1

[roseaesynstylae]

Heir to the Empire: Chapter 2

"'Luke?'

The voice came softly but insistently. Pausing amid the familiar landscape of Tatooine -- familiar but oddly distorted -- Luke Skywalker turned to look."

Something about the way this chapter begins sticks with me. Opening a story with a dream is cliche, but it works in this context, Obi-Wan reaching out for the last time to bid Luke farewell.

"'I've come to say good-bye, Luke.'

The landscape seemed to tremble; and abruptly, a small part of Luke's mind remember that he was asleep. Asleep in his suite in the Imperial Palace, and dreaming of Ben Kenobi.

'No, I'm not a dream," Ben assured him, answering Luke's unspoken thought. 'But the distances separating us have become too great for me to appear to you in any other way. Now, even this last path is being closed to me.'

'No,' Luke heard himself say. 'You can't leave us, Ben. We need you.'"

This scene has always been bittersweet, but after the release of the prequels and spinoffs and all stories we've gotten with Obi-Wan, it's even more so. We've had all this detail on his life and now he's gone. Luke will never hear about Siri Tachi or Ahsoka or how he said "Hello there" to General Grievous. He won't know about Qui-Gon Jinn and all the adventures they had. I know the point is that Luke doesn't know any of these things, that he's basically winging it with the minimal training he got from Obi-Wan and Yoda, but it's still depressing. With all the expanded universe content, we know all of what was lost with the Empire's rise.

"Then I am alone, he told himself. I am the last of the Jedi.

He seemed to hear Ben's voice, faint and and indistinct, as if from a great distance. 'Not the last of the old Jedi, Luke. The first of the new."

I know that this was published decades before The Last Jedi was a twinkle in Rian Johnson's eye, but this is still a little distracting with hindsight.

My personal interpretation of Obi-Wan's final words is that, with so much lost, the Jedi Order Luke will build will be very different. It will try to follow the same principles, but it will take a different shape. Which it did.

"First Uncle Ben and Aunt Beru had been murdered; then Darth Vader, his real father, had sacrificed his own life for Luke's; and now even Ben Kenobi's spirit had been taken away.

For the third time, he'd been orphaned."

Luke doesn't know about Padmé at this point, but it just adds another layer of sadness. He can't even add her name to the list of parents he's lost because she's a cipher to him. He knows he has a biological mother, obviously, but it isn't like he has time to search for her. Later books in Legends make it clear that he had no clue that she was dead and tried to find her, which obviously didn't work out. The prequels just keep adding sadness to everything that was written before they came out.

"But for Leia, just over three months pregnant, to be spending the bulk of her time here...

[...] The really maddening part of it was that he couldn't sense any such concentration of evil in the Palace. The Council had made a point of asking him about that, in fact, when they'd first considered moving to the Imperial City. He'd had to grit his teeth and tell them that, no, there seemed to be no residual effects of the Emperor's stay.

But just because he couldn't sense it didn't necessarily mean that it wasn't there."

Knowing what ended up happening to Jacen, Luke's concerns seem quite justified, retroactively.

"Awakened in the middle of the night, dressed in an old robe with her hair in total disarray, Winter still looked more regal than Leia herself could manage on her best days. She'd lost track of the times when, as children together on Alderaan, some visitor to the Viceroy's court had automatically assumed that Winter was, in fact, the Princess Leia.

Winter had probably not lost track, of course. Anyone who could remember whole conversations verbatim should certainly be able to reconstruct the number of times she'd been mistaken for a royal princess.

Leia had often wondered what the rest of the Provisional Council members would think if they knew that the silent assistant sitting beside her at official meetings or standing beside her at unofficial corridor conversations was effectively recording every word they said. Some of them, she suspected, wouldn't like it at all."

Leia looks plenty royal. She just has that vibe, even when she isn't in formal dress.

Knowing how much trouble a certain Viceroy caused for Leia's biological mother, the fact that Bail Organa is referred to as a viceroy here is rather funny to me.

I haven't read much stuff with Winter in it, but the way she's described her sort of reminds me of Sabé for some reason.

"Whoever had taken over what was left of Jabba the Hutt's organization must have moved operations off Tatooine."

I take note of this line to say: Han, if you were in Disney's Star Wars, the answer to any questions would be that the man who took over did not move off of Tatooine, sarlaacs can be escaped via use of fire, and you should probably start running.

"As far as he was concerned, the only times when Wedge didn't stick out like a lump on plate glass was when he was sitting in the cockpit of an X-wing blasting TIE fighters into dust."

A wonderful description of Wedge.

That's all. I didn't find too much to comment on.

[authortobenamedlater]

For the ask game: ☔ (seemed appropriate since you mentioned thunderstorms :D)

WIP teaser asks

Is there a fic concept you have that you'd like to just explain and share because you're not sure you'll ever write it? If so, what is it?

Um. Yes. A lot.

I did this recently with the Tom/Chyler almost-divorce story. Which I do want to write. It's just very emotional and draining.

Check the "for such a time as this au" tag for the Babylon 5/Halo crossover that lives rent-free in my head.

My MCU-inspired RoTS AU which may never come to life: Anakin falls at some point during TCW before Ahsoka leaves. Not sure how. He gets sort of Winter Soldiered. Various Jedi and clones report encounters with this…whatever he is (don’t know what they would call him). At some point Obi-Wan and Ahsoka figure it out and bring Anakin home. He has a bit of a road back, and when he is back to himself he knows all about Palpatine’s plans. End result: Republic never falls. Separatists surrender. Padme doesn’t die. Mace Windu loses an eye. Clones get to choose whether they want to continue serving or try their hands at civilian life.

I have Siri Tachi in here because I liked her, and she and Obi-Wan have Winter Soldier Steve and Nat vibes. She’s actually the one who discovers the Big Bad Jedi Killer is Anakin and tells Obi-Wan and Ahsoka about it.

This fic would set up the world of The Toddler Invasion which I can’t link because AO3 is still down.

@rainintheevening has gotten me thinking more about this with her Broken Constellations project ❤️ so maybe at least some of it will get written? I don’t even have a title, for all the years I’ve spent turning this thing over in my head.

[tachiisms]

     [Obi-Wan] put out his hand. Siri slipped hers into it. At her touch, something moved between them, a current that felt alive.      At last he felt what it was like to touch her. He realized that he'd been thinking about it for days. Maybe for years. She wound her fingers around his, strong but gentle, just as he knew she would. He could feel the ridge of callus on her palm from lightsaber training, but the skin on her fingers was soft. Softness and strength. He'd known he would feel that.      Something broke free inside him. He felt filled up with his feeling, even though he couldn't name it. He couldn't dare to name it. Yet it was suddenly more real than anything in his life. More real than the danger they were in. More real than the Jedi.      "Siri."      Her voice was a whisper. "I feel it, too.” Secrets of the Jedi

...not to be dramatic but this is hotter and more intimate than if they’d kissed.

[generalobi]

Cody somehow travels back in time and becomes the loving, overprotective kickass Dad Obi-wan deserves. Queue him having to like, literally beat Mandalorians (and everyone else, frankly) back with a stick when Obi comes of age, and the ridiculous lengths Jango and others go to to either avoid him or win his approval as they try to court obi-wan

Cody would like to say he’d never expected something like this to happen. But that would be a lie. He’s not entirely sure what has happened, just that he was in his bunk one second and then there was a tugging sensation and he was here.

Here being a planet, presumably, in the quarters of a Jedi Master and Padawan. At least he thinks that’s who they are, based on attire. There hasn’t been any talking yet, just a lot of staring.

“So,” the tall one finally says, “Who are you?”

“Commander Cody of the 212th Attack Battalion,” Cody answers, “And you, General?”

He frowns, “General? I’m no General, and I wasn’t aware this planet had a standing military.”

“Or that they could teleport,” the little one mutters.

There’s something familiar about him, like Cody should know who he is.

And the both of them should definitely know who he is. At least vaguely. His face is easily recognisable, of course. He shares it with millions of others. If they don’t recognize him… either they’re not Jedi or he’s moved in more than place. Cody wishes he could say the first was the more plausible explanation.

He tries again anyway.

“I’m a soldier in the Grand Army of the Republic.”

“The Republic has no army, grand or otherwise.”

Shit, Cody thinks.

“Shit,” Cody says, “You are Jedi, yes?”

“Yes,” the little one says.

Alright, Cody thinks, he can work with this. Probably. Maybe. He’ll have to see. Why did he end up with the General who attracts the most weird Force bullshit? He supposes it could have been worse, he could’ve got Skywalker. Maybe he would’ve travelled in time and found himself amongst Sith instead of Jedi.

“I think,” the tall one says slowly, “That we are rather at a disadvantage here. You know and understand our affiliation but we do not understand yours.”

“He doesn’t even know our names, Master,” the little one mumbles, brow furrowed.

“Hush, Obi-Wan,” he says, waving a hand to silence his padawan.

Obi-Wan. Well that explains why he seems so familiar. The tall one must be Master Qui-Gon Jinn, his General’s old and very dead Master. He’d never talked about him much, never mind shown Cody a holo of him. He’s more rumpled than expected.

“It’s alright,” Cody assures him, “I’m confused too. I seem to be in the past. I am Marshall Commander Cody of the Grand Army of the Republic, from the year 979 ARR. I serve under High General Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

Obi-Wan frowns, opening his mouth to speak again and finds himself silenced again. Cody has only known Master Jinn for a few minutes but he’s really starting to dislike him.

“You’re saying that my padawan leads an army for the Republic in the future?” Jinn scoffs, “And why should I believe you? It doesn’t take much to learn my padawan’s name, or mine for that matter. You are no doubt a trick.”

Cody rolls his eyes, “Obi-Wan Kenobi, born 966 ARR on the planet of Stewjon. Given to the Jedi at the age of three, placed in Clan Tooka where he made friends with Bant Eerin, Garen Muln, Reeft, Siri Tachi and Luminara Undali. He is allergic to hoi broth, three types of painkiller, most bugs and most ration bars. Very annoying. He prefers flimsi books over datapads and his favourite type of tea is in a red box. I would tell you creepy things that will come true, but a) I don’t know what year I’m in, b) I don’t know much history and c) I don’t know how that would affect my life in the future so…”

“Obi-Wan’s favourite tea comes in a blue box.”

Cody raises an eyebrow, “Why don’t you ask him?”

“It’s true,” Obi-Wan says, glancing nervously at his Master, “Your favourite tea is in the blue box, so I pretend it’s mine too. Sorry.”

“And the rest of that?” Jinn snaps, “All things you’ve never told me or lied about?”

“I-”

Cody really doesn’t like this guy.

“Leave him be,” Cody says, “Regardless of whether or not you believe me, could you perhaps tell me where we are?”

“Fakir,” Obi-Wan says.

“Padawan!” Jinn scolds, glaring.

“What?” he shrugs, “It’s not like he’s presented a danger to us. And what’s he going to do with the name of the planet? If he was a spy, or a sleep agent or whatever you think he is then he already knows anyway. Besides, I believe him.”

“Because you are so ready to go to war again,” Jinn says, voice hard, “Was once not enough? Do you need to spill more blood to be satisfied? Command an army at the whim of the Senate? Subjugate planets and people to placate the darkness inside of you.”

“Master-” Obi-Wan’s small face pales, eyes unusually bright.

“Don’t talk to him like that,” Cody says, “Ever.”

“It’s okay,” Obi-Wan lays a hand on his arm, “It’s okay.”

It’s not. Cody would never let anyone talk to a child like that, and he’d definitely never let them speak to his General like that. But he and Obi-Wan are both reliant on this Qui-Gon Jinn. His General because the man is his guardian and Cody because he’s not leaving his General.

Well, there’s a new goal then. Get custody of his tiny General.

[ifonlyweknewwhatiwasdoing]

Who Did This to You? (03 Whumptober 2021)

Prompt: taunting/insults/who did this to you?

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker

Rating: Gen

Warnings: No Warnings Apply

Summary: Obi-Wan has been asked the question many times. Somehow this time it feels different

It was a question he asked himself more often than not.

But something about the way it had been asked, or perhaps, more than likely, the person who had asked it made it sound so different than the way Obi-Wan was used to.

When he’d been a youngling it was something that had been asked under the watchful eye of Yoda, as if he knew that something was going on but wanted to wait until he knew what to take action.

Obi-Wan had never told him the answer.

Then Qui-Gon had asked the same question in his years as a Padawan and he’d again remained quiet. It would be useless to try to answer him when he knew there was nothing that Qui-Gon could actually do to stop it.

Then Qui-Gon had died and Obi-Wan was made a knight. It seemed silly to be asked a question like that in the wake of war but his own padawan had never ceased to ask it, no matter how small the problem seemed.

It was different when Anakin asked him now though. It was as if he knew something that Obi-Wan didn’t.

Who did this to you?

Bruck Chun had done it. That was the short answer to why Obi-Wan’s nose dripped blood and his lip had swollen up. The Jedi weren’t supposed to fight without cause, especially with each other but that didn’t seem to matter to Chun when adult eyes were off of them.

Obi-Wan had gotten through it. Not easily, of course, but he’d gotten through it. Become a padawan and made a name for himself, leaving his anger and hurt in the past.

Who did this to you?

Siri Tachi and Satine Krytze caused the red eyes and puffy face. They’d dangled love in front of Obi-Wan and then it had been snatched away right before he could grasp it. But how was he to tell his master that he’d felt the effects of their abandonment stronger than the abandonment of Qui-Gon’s initial snuff?

Love wasn’t something coveted by the Jedi as it was for others. The Jedi lived to serve all others above themselves and love, one of the most selfish emotions you could experience was at the top of their most dangerous paths.

Who did this to you?

There was something about the way Anakin always asked that made Obi-Wan chuckle. As if even with the battle of the moment being over he would still go and defend Obi-Wan’s honor. Like it was something that he had to defend.

His student’s most useful trait was also his most dangerous. His tendency towards absolute loyalty even in the face of an impossible situation. First and foremost for people he deemed important.

He was a whisper of all the warnings the Jedi had ever laid out against attachment and Obi-Wan had done his best to sway him from this path. Of course, that only lasted until he decided that Obi-Wan was one of those people.

Then it changed everything.

Maybe not on the outside, he concedes but Anakin had still managed to wedge himself into every atom of Obi-Wan until he couldn’t see them as two different people. That didn’t mean that Obi-Wan could just give up on what he’d been taught.

So the question had been startling, as well as long-awaited.

“Who did this to you?” Anakin had asked him one night when they were cramped together on a bunk really only meant for one person. They had just successfully gained ground in the never-ending sieges on the Outer Rim and in the wake of the following days, Anakin and Ahsoka had been moved to his ship as the Resolute was dry docked.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean,” Obi-Wan replied. There was so much he could say to answer the question but he wasn’t willing to.

“I mean the way you won’t let me say it,” Anakin scowled, sitting up in the bed to peer down at Obi-Wan, “I’ve already told you that you don’t have to say it-.”

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said sharply, sitting up himself and then wincing at his tone- it sounded as if he had something to hide- before turning to him, “I’ve already told you that the moment that this gets...out of hand, we will have to put an end to it. Is that what you would like?”

Anakin scowled even harder, force presence going stormy around them, “Why Master? Why can’t we just- why can’t you accept it? I know you feel the same way.”

“You don’t know anything,” Obi-Wan responded angrily, “We are not all ruled by our actions Anakin. Do not project your feelings onto me.”

“I’m not!” Anakin insisted angrily, “You can’t tell me that you don’t when you can’t even answer my question. I know when you deflecting Obi-Wan. I’ve known you long enough for that so answer my question. Who did this to you?”

The question to be fair didn’t have a simple answer as Anakin seemed to think it did. The easier question to answer would be, who didn’t hurt Obi-Wan? He was scorned by the Jedi council and his master, left behind by the women he loved, forced to continue as his fellow Jedi and friends died around him.

And that’s what Anakin was asking. He wanted to know who had broken Obi-Wan. But Obi-Wan was damaged, it was true, but he wasn’t broken force damn it. He was still getting up and doing what he was supposed to and fighting a battle that he didn’t believe in to support a group he had lost faith in and-.

And kriff if that didn’t make everything so much worse. Obi-Wan had lost hope in almost everything that he’d ever believed in. Shunned and at odds with everything he’d ever cared for. Except for-.

He looked up into Anakin’s eyes, the anger had turned them to ice and his hard stare made Obi-Wan want to break down and give in because no matter who and what he had lost faith in, Anakin had never been one of those things.

But he didn’t know how to say that without deserting everything he’d ever known.

He wasn’t sure if he was quite ready for that yet.

“Nothing did this to me,” Obi-Wan answered finally, “This is just the way I am. You can accept it and we can continue as we are or you can leave and find something more suited to your taste. Either way, it doesn’t affect me.”

Expect that it did. It would affect him in a way that he would never recover from. The man that he loved had snaked his way into Obi-Wan’s heart as his padawan and then into his bed as a Knight.

Obi-Wan knew that Anakin would always be the most important thing that existed to him, he just knew that he wasn’t ready to hear it or say it. He knew one day Anakin would grow tired of the way he was unable to say the words, unable to give him what he needed and he’d leave.

Perhaps for the Senator that had caught his eye when he was a child or perhaps for someone Obi-Wan had never even seen. They’d take Anakin and Obi-Wan would be stuck all alone again.

“Uma ji muna,” Anakin told him softly, opening his arms so that Obi-Wan could curl up against his chest and breathe through the way his breath had caught in his throat, the way the back of his eyes stung while he pretended not to know what the words met. They weren’t in basic so it didn’t count.

But tonight wasn’t that night.

[sirikenobi12]

This Capt' goes down with her Ship

I’m honestly amazed at how many messages I receive both here and on Twitter that ask me why I ship Obi-Wan with Siri Tachi over Satine Kryze. I guess I’m mostly amazed because I can’t believe people actually care enough to take the time to message me about my character preferences, that’s just really fascinating to me. 

But, since I’m getting tired of writing this out in individual messages I thought perhaps a blog would be a good idea so that way I can just reference/link them to it later - it’ll be much easier. So, bear with me while I get a little self indulgent (and Satine stans please don’t come at me, I will explain below how I really have nothing against Obitine). 

This is going to be really long, and I’m not expecting anyone to actually read this, but here we go! 

I’ll begin by answering questions that are sitting in my inbox:

1. Who the hell is Siri Tachi?? For those who don’t know the character of Siri Tachi, she was a female Jedi who was two years younger than Obi-Wan. She was originally from the Legends young reader book series Jedi Apprentice and Jedi Quest (written by Jude Watson). She was in many of the same Padawan classes as Obi-Wan even though she was two years his junior because of her advanced skills. She could hold her own against him in a lightsaber duel even as they grew up. She was chosen as an apprentice to Jedi Council Member Adi Gallia at age 11 which was very impressive given how young she was and the fact that a Council Member chose her.

(I don’t know why she looks like Brittany Spears in this drawing, not my fave)

She did have a hard time fitting in with her peers when she was younger though because she was so focused on her career as a Jedi which didn’t always make her the friendliest person to be around (it was really her masking her insecurities) and it was only after she was paired on several missions with Obi-Wan that they even became friends. 

She and Obi-Wan over the years grew very close and eventually discovered their feelings had crossed the line from friends to something more while on a mission when they were older Padawans (Obi was 18). They had been separated from their masters and nearly died while on that mission. So, before they “died” they each confessed their love to the other, but when it turned out they didn’t actually die they decided they’d wait and figure out what their relationship actually meant once the mission was over - putting duty above their feelings. But Qui-Gon and Yoda intervene before the two of them could have the conversation and the Masters reminded Obi-Wan of his dedication to the Jedi Order. Obi-Wan argued that he and Siri would be able to find a way to be together while still being active Jedi, that maybe they could be an exception to the rule or even change the rule entirely. Both he and Siri did end up choosing their commitment to the Jedi over their relationship in the end, because each of them realized they’d regret not being Jedi more than anything, but it did put a strain on their friendship for many years. 

At 23 Siri was secretly knighted and her first solo mission was sent undercover to infiltrate and take down a huge pirate slaver operation and she spent 4 years on that mission, all on her own with limited communication with the Council.

In order to do this she had to pretend to have a falling out with her Master and “leave” the Order entirely, everyone thought she had fallen to the dark side. Obi-Wan was devastated, and he spent several months looking for her because he refused to believe she’d actually fall. It was also clear that he was heartbroken that she left, especially knowing what they had given up in order to be Jedi. Upon ending the mission she returned to the Jedi and was then often sent on other undercover missions throughout the rest of her career (including one where she and Obi-Wan had to play a royal married couple which was super cute). Her actually being a Jedi Shadow is not official and is a fanfiction creation - but, it’s one that I 100% headcanon because it just makes sense. 

Siri was very different when she returned from her long undercover mission, she had lived as a pirate for 4 years and so she was not as uptight and rule bound as she had been in her youth. She began to wear tight unisuits/flight suits instead of the traditional Jedi tunics and she had grown to be a bit more irreverent - even showing up late to Jedi Council summons.  Obi-Wan didn’t seem to mind the change and the two became a formidable pair as Knights and they were sent together (with their Padawans who hated one another) on several missions.

Obi-Wan and Siri were always written as being equals, never one more powerful than the other. They often shared flirtatious banter (nothing new for Obi-Wan) and they seemed very much in sync on missions that it was clear they shared some kind of bond. They never seemed to let their failed romance stand between them and their duty, and only brought it up once more as adults to admit that they still loved each other, but were content to just be friends because it would be selfish of them to turn their backs on the Jedi simply for their love. Then upon Siri’s untimely death (she of course died in his arms) she told him that she’d always be with him. And he nearly fell to the dark side due to his anger, but stopped himself from killing the man who was responsible for Siri’s death because he knew she’d not want him to fall because of her. 

In canon there isn’t much about her (yet), except that Siri is said to be the girl Obi-Wan would hold hands with under the table during mid-day meals which suggests that they had a bit of a secret affair/flirtation for many years.

2. Why don’t you like Satine? This is a bit of a loaded question because even though I tend to write fics centered more on Obi-Wan and Siri’s relationship doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy the character of Satine or that I don’t swoon over their relationship from time to time thanks to some very well written fics ( @mahizli​ I’m looking your way). I just tend to write Siri more than Satine because I can relate to Siri more as a character, but in truth I also feel Siri and Obi-Wan’s relationship is a bit more well rounded than his and Satine’s 

*ducks to avoid things being thrown at her*. 

Satine and Obi-Wan have a beautiful love story, don’t get me wrong. But for me personally I am a little sick of the Romeo & Juliette/star crossed lovers angle. And that’s totally what they are - She’s a Mandalorian, He’s a Jedi, it’s a forbidden love not just because of his code, but because their “families” were mortal enemies. And I guess I’m just not super inspired by it. Not to mention that they met as children (apparently only 15 years old according to canon), confessed their undying love for one another after a year of knowing one another in a life or death situation and then pined for each other for the next 20 years until they were reunited...I just have a very hard time finding this story relatable (and hate to say it, plausible). Not that they couldn’t have felt love for one another as teenagers (especially in that situation), but that they still felt that same level of love 20 years later without ever seeing one another...at least with Siri they still had to interact with one another on a regular basis so it would be harder to push those feelings aside. 

The other reason I have a hard time writing Satine and Obi-Wan is because the romantic love they seem to have in TCW is written to be very one sided in my opinion. While Obi-Wan clearly cares for her, and admits to having feelings for her at one time it’s only ever Satine who actually seems to want something with him in the current sense. Which honestly makes their relationship feels a bit cringy to me, it doesn’t feel like it’s on equal footing - and makes it seem like Satine is a bit obsessive (I don’t blame her, it is Obi-Wan after all). This is a similar argument I have about Padme’s character, I feel like we’re presented with these incredibly strong women characters who for whatever reason still fall apart when it comes to love...I think it’s a reflection of men trying to write women and it ends up being a bit of a fantasy (the sexy/badass woman who secretly needs a man to save her). So, to sum up - I really do  love Satine’s character outside of her relationship with Obi-Wan. 

Again, this is just MY interpretation of Satine and Obi-Wan’s relationship...I get other people tend to feel very differently and that’s wonderful!! 

I will say, the thing I do like about Obi-Wan and Satine’s relationship and very much appreciate is how it is an opposite parallel to Anakin and Padme’s relationship. And it shows what a Jedi should’ve done - how you can’t have both a commitment to the Jedi Order and a marriage, but you can still care deeply about another person. I do very much appreciate that aspect of their relationship and it’s very well done from that perspective.

3. So, why SiriWan after all these years? Well, I’m drawn to Obi-Wan and Siri’s relationship for several reasons, but mostly because they are written as equals/partners (as I had mentioned above), both have moments where you can see the love they hold for one another - their feelings are very much shared and not one sided, but above all it’s not the main defining factor of their relationship. They are Jedi and friends before anything else, and I love that! It may not be as flashy or maybe even as passionate as say Satine or Cody but to me it’s more full and well rounded. I can also see their relationship growing and changing over the years, they aren’t stuck in one place or in the past.  

I also tend to find the Jedi culture more fascinating than the Mandalorians. I know, I know, I’m a heretic. That’s not to say, again that I don’t think Satine on her own isn’t fascinating, I just am a little tired of Mandalore’s importance in virtually every aspect of Star Wars these days and I feel like there is only so much you can do with Obi-Wan having feelings for a Mandalorian, where as him navigating a relationship with another Jedi is more interesting. The Jedi are allowed to be intimate with people, contrary to popular belief they are allowed to love, they just can’t become possessive/attached - I feel like two Jedi would have an easier time navigating that than someone who wasn’t raised with that same code. I think Siri and Obi-Wan have more opportunities to have a more realistic and adult relationship and I like writing/exploring that. 

The other thing I like about Siri and Obi-Wan specifically is the fact that neither ever really considered leaving the Order for the other. They knew how important being a Jedi was to the other, and I think having a love interest that Obi-Wan didn’t consider leaving for is an important distinction. 

Instead he thought they would be able to change the rules/code because he assumed it would be obvious that their love was pure and not an attachment. Now, obviously they both realized later that it was just foolish/young love talking (because I’m sure teenagers have to be extra careful of forming attachments), but what I really adore the concept that Obi-Wan “by the code” Kenobi had loved Siri so much that he’d even remotely consider the idea that he’d want the rules to change for her/them (and Siri “by the code” Tachi felt the same about him). There is something incredibly romantic about that - naïve, but romantic. 

I also believe that romantic love doesn’t automatically equal “true love”. I personally feel that Obi-Wan and Siri have a love that is on such a deep level that their relationship doesn’t always have to be romantic. They simply just love one another, in whatever form that takes at any given period in time throughout their lives, sometimes it takes the form of just friends, sometimes lovers, sometimes romantic. And I wish we saw more relationships like that in various media. But I get why we don’t, they are harder to write and less overtly sexy/dramatic.

Also, when someone says the phrase:

“Forgive me if I still think I know you better than anyone.” (Siri)

And it’s followed immediately with:

“You do”  (Obi-Wan)

My heart just melts, because that to me is love!!

4. So, you actually think Obi-Wan loved both Siri & Satine? Yes, I do...100%. I think they all loved other people at different points in their lives. I personally feel that most of Obi-Wan’s various ships (with exceptions of Master/Padawan ships...sorry, just not my bag) actually happened. I could see a young Obi-Wan having a fling with Quinlan Vos (I doubt they could handle more than that), I could definitely see him have an attraction/affection towards Cody (I don’t think given the power dynamic Obi-Wan would ever allow anything to actually happen between them though), I even believe he and Ventress had a rather confusing and passionate night together (maybe even more than one), I can see him easily having a relationship at one point with Taria Damsin (to which Siri would give him endless crap about because he seems to have a thing for Jedi Shadows). I’m sure he even had a relationship with Annileen on Tatooine to help find some comfort during his exile. To me all of that makes so much more sense than him (and Satine) pining away for one another for 20+ years. 

Allowing Obi-Wan to have multiple loves in his life also helps showcase the idea of non-attachment. It’s not that Jedi promote promiscuity - though they won’t judge anyone for it (I see the Jedi very much in the mindset of: it’s your body/your choice) it’s that the idea of attachment means possessing someone, thinking you own someone and also putting that person’s value over others. The idea that Obi-Wan could find love and value in a multitude of lovers to me shows him capable of loving without attachment - He is able to let these people go when the relationship has run its course...it’s very healthy. 

Not to mention that realistically people tend to have multiple relationships and loves throughout their lives. To only ever love one person is incredibly unrealistic, unhealthy and frankly screams attachment to me *cough Anakin, cough*.

In conclusion: If you’re still reading this (did you not have anything better to do with your time???) I do hope you have a bit more of an understanding why I personally like to write Obi-Wan and Siri’s relationship instead of his and Satine’s. Though if you read my fics (thank you if you do) I hope you realize that I try to not make the stories all about their relationship - yes, it pops up here and there, but I try not to make it the focal point. I believe both Obi-Wan and Siri are so much more than just a romance and that’s what I really love writing. 

But I raise a glass and toast all of those who prefer to ship Obitine or CodyWan or Ventrobi (or whatever Obi-Wan and Quilan’s ship name is) - I love reading your take on those relationships and I hope you don’t mind if an old SiriWan shipper joins the fun!

Phew, rant over...man, does anyone else have to defend their OTP preferences to strangers?? It’s just so odd to me! 

Thanks for reading, and if you’re a Siri, Obi-Wan or SiriWan fan drop me a line - I can seriously talk about them for hours! 

[la-sopa]

Ok om hear me out

Time travel AU.

About in-between move 1 and 2

Luke Leia Han, the resistance and stuff. Si basically like palatine opens a portal to bring people from tge past to now. It's like grevious, doku, Maul and shit. BUT the portal also brings back people form the past for the resistance. Ferus olin, roan lands, siri tachi.

I feel like this would be cool to read

"What are we going to do" Luke ponder out loud to Leia. He and Leia were walking the surface of the forest plant they were on. Luke couldn't recall the name, I should really start getting better at this if I'm to be a jedi.

"I'm unsure about what will be the out come of this," Leia started,"however, we'll keep doing what we've been doing. We will stop the empire, no matter what walls they put in are way."

"Luke? Is everything alright?" He realized he had stopped walking

"Wait, I feel something..." Leia careful moved her hand to her blaster. Luke followed, placing a hand on his Saber. Silence. The leaves shook carefully un the breeze, the animals chirped and scoft. All was calm, peaceful, quiet. Crunch-crunch . They spun around drawing there weapons, ready to face what the empire would throw at them. How? How did they find us so quickly.

"Whow... didn't mean to frighten you, your highness" han spoke hands drawn up in defense.

"Han, u scared the life out us" Leia scolded. " do u still feel it?"

"Yes..." Luke was at a loss, he had begun to feel something like this for a while now. But never this strong, never this close. Why can't I put my finger on it?

"Princess! Look out!" Han was already reaching out for Leia as he spoke his warning. Luke faced the sky. A portal facing the ground. The thing that the fice had been warning him about now hoverd in the sky. Just then. A hand appeared, dangling from the portal. Then as if in an instant a man fell from the sky as the portal closed behind him. -thump-. The man let out a quiet groan as he hit the forest floor.

His black flight suit, did he work for the empire? But he wore no armor, no helmet, who is this man? Luke hadn't realized it but suddenly the distance between him and the man closed, as he now layed right at his feet. "Do you know him?" He asked Leia who approached from behind him.

"No, I don't believe he's working for the empire though," she said as she stood beside him, "he looks at least half firrerreo." The man was almost still. Shoulders rise and falling shakily, and the quiet rasp breaths he was taking.

"How can u tell"

" the silver streak in his hair" she pointed out, motioning to the hair covering most if his face.

"He sound like he's injured. Let's flip him on his back, open the air ways." He proposed to Leia. They stayed still for a moment. The man's hand twitched, he alive,

"Roan" a hard to hear wisper escaped the man's lips. Luke looked over at Leia, she shook her head no. He reached down, flipping the man on to his back. He gasped

"He's... he's got a lightsaber..." look starred at his hand, the lightsaber glistening softly from the forest light. A jedi? They were all dead but, some how he survived, there has to be more jedi out of there. More jedi to help fight the empire. Luke felt hope fill his body, he would find the jedi. He would-

"Han, get a medic" Leia ordered. Luke was shot out of his daze. He's eyes moved above the lightsaber resting on the mand stomach in a clenched hand, up to his chest. Blood soaking through the flight suit, slowly pooling under him.

"Roan" came the whispered voice.

"The doctors are on there way." She informed the man

"I need u to stay awake for me!" Leia spoke A little more harsh.

"Roan" the man wisperd desperately as he slipped into unconsciousness

======================

"Aaaaaa" Ferus yelled as Vaders lightsaber cut into his chest. He body was burning. The room was blurry. You promised Roan you advenge him. He groaned as his body hit the ground. Vader stood before him, turned off his light Saber

"Good bye, ferus olin." Came the machical voice. Vader turned on his heel heading to the door. Ferus just watched. Depreatly thing of something to say.

"Ani?" His voice was weaker then he'd like. His body more frail then he'd like.

Vader paused at the door. "Anakin Skywalker is dead."

"I believe he's still there. He's standing here before me. Even if his been covered and hidden in this persona, he's alive. I believe he can break out if these chains you put on him. On yourself." Vader paused. Looked at him.

" I was planning on killing u quick, giving you a quick pain less death ferus. But, you've over stepped your role in this story, Farwell." Vader turned on his heel, fading from view as the doors closed behind him

It burns

It burns

He was gasping in pain, as the world around him started to spin. Roan. Ferus remember the lake he and Roan would swim in. The blanket tha Donna had made. The blanket he and Roan would take on picnics, to lay in the grass and watch the stars. The stars that would glisten I'm the sky at roans parents lunch parties that would carry on till late nights. The warmth Roan had shown him, the tender love and kindness Roan had shown him. Welcoming him in open arms, going on dates, the most simple and smallest acts to. The small act of kindness that had brought them together at that bakery all those years ago. It feel like yesterday. "Roan" He wisperd.

A tight feeling swirled in his stomach, somethings wrong. The force warned him. His head hurt, his chest burned, body screaming in pain. "Roan" He wisperd, he was afraid, holding on to all of the memories he and Roan made for comfort. He put a hand to the necklace around his neck that held a single ring. The rung Roan had given him, promising they'd get married after all thus. "Roan... forgive me...roan" the world faded to balck... the ground was hard, but then he felt weightless although he was falling. "Hmpht" Ferus groans as ge hit the ground. Where am I? It's humid, to warm to think. Ah he opens his eyes he's met with a jungle surrounding. What? He hears talking bu can't make out the words. Move ferus. Siris voice echos in his mind. She right. But. I can't. What would he do. "Roan" He called out for his husband, not even realizing till the words left him. A pair of hands rolled him on to his back. The figure before him was blurry, he couldn't make anything out. "Roan" there was more muffled sound. The world started fading. "Roan"

"The doctors are in there way." A voice speaks to him. Oh yeah. He thinks, as the burning sensation fills his body again. "Roan". He wisperd as the world started to spin. A cool hand touch his forhead, "roan?" He felt his eyes began to drap, "need-awake-me" the voice was fading away along with is sight. "Roan"

==============================/

Idk something like that u know. Maybe something better that was rushed but. I would be invested to read something like that you know

[tessiete]

Prompt request where crechemates Obi Wan, Quinlan, and Luminara catch up after Obi Wan’s year on Mandalore. They’re Jedi but they’re also lifelong friends and Obi Wan is sad...

ANON!!! I’m so sorry this has taken ages, but you know - we did it! Thank you so much for the prompt. It was an absolute joy to write Luminara, and try to meld together my Legends peeps with canon. ❤️❤️❤️

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

He comes back changed, so different that in that first brief moment between arrival and recognition, Luminara thinks she’s never known him at all. There’s a stiffness to his spine that speaks of something deeper than injury, and a weariness to his eyes that comes not from fatigue, but wisdom. His master’s hand lingers on his shoulder, and Obi-Wan leans into the touch, his frame trailing like the tail of a comet in Qui-Gon’s wake. But then he sees her, and he smiles, and he looks like he always has.

“Senior Padawan Luminara,” he says, stepping close and bowing deep. “I heard the good news on the platform as soon as we touched down. Congratulations.”

She bows back, neither as deeply, nor as grave, his impish humour undeserving of too much indulgence.

“And you as well, padawan,” she says. “Only you would manage to find a Council-sanctioned reason for skipping an entire year of Astronav.”

“I had nothing to do with it,” he says, eyes alight with mirth. “It was a matter of utmost political delicacy, and I am honoured that the Council, as well as the Chancellor himself saw fit to trust my master and I with such a task.”

“Ah, yes,” she says. “You are well known for your love of politicians. Tell me, is the Duchess of Mandalore very pretty?”

He falters then, a furrow forming between his brows, his lashes fluttering and eyes sliding away from hers in search of something that isn’t there. Ah. She raises her hand, and with a slender forefinger, smoothes away the crease.

“Hush, Obi-Wan,” she says. “This too will pass in time.”

He takes her hand in his, and holds tight. A smile, just as tight, flits bravely across his face, and he inhales sharp, and bright.

“It’s nothing,” he says. Then, as though for proof he adds, “And she was very pretty.”

But Luminara isn’t fooled at all.

She watches him at meals, and in classes - though with a year between them now, their schedules don’t quite match as neatly as they once had. Still, she sees. There are the usual things that linger in any padawan, or knight, after more difficult missions, of course. He keeps his back to the wall. He looks for exits. He always is the last to leave a room, and tries to be the first to enter one, but there is more than that.

There is a softness now. It’s...it’s nearly unnoticeable, and even more undefinable, but there is something soft about him that wasn’t there before. He listens more attentively. He watches more carefully. He frowns and thinks before he speaks, and the little furrow between his brows is remembered by his skin.  He leans close when she whispers to him, so near that his hair grazes gently over her lips, and he doesn’t stare at Siri anymore. Not like he used to. But he laughs, and he offers her his hand instinctively, when they take an aircar to the lower districts one evening.

He has learned intimacy.

“Must’ve been some kind of girl!” Quinlan shouts, as they reminisce over drinks in a seedy little club in CocoTown. Obi-Wan grimaces as Quin lands a jocund punch on his bicep. He’s in high spirits tonight, having managed to scrape his way through Theoretical Basic with Obi-Wan’s help. “I know you’d never leave me to suffer as I did for just anyone.”

“Cut it out, Quin,” says Siri, knocking back a shot of something thick and glowing. “Can’t you see he’s distraught?”

“I’m not distraught,” Obi-Wan protests. “I’m just embarrassed to be out in public with you lot.”

“Aw, Obi-Bi,” says Quinlan. “You missed us. Admit it. There’s no duchess in this entire Force-forsaken galaxy that can hold a candle to the pleasure of my company.”

“Oh, please,” scoffs Siri, her mouth grimacing at the sour twist of liquor and Quinlan’s own peculiar arrogance. “You make Gardulla the Hutt look like Alderaanian royalty.”

“Hey Tachi,” says Quinlan, “Aren’t you too young to be out without your master?”

“Hey Vos,” she retorts, “Aren’t you too old to still have one?”

He flicks a protato wedge across the table, which Siri dodges easily, snatching it out of the air with a deft application of the Force, and eating it while he protests her theft.

“I paid for that!”

Garen laughs, while Reeft is too busy scarfing down half a nerf to offer his opinion one way or another. But Luminara watches. Obi-Wan smiles, and smiles but it never lasts for longer than he is observed. It falls away quickly when he drops his eyes, or ducks his head as though the weight of it is pulling his whole being down. His presence in the Force isn’t dimmed. He is as cool, and clear as he has ever been, but she cannot sound him. Like the ocean, he is fathoms deep.

She nudges his foot beneath the table, and he looks at her, attentive to whatever she might need, for surely there is something he might do, something he might say that would fulfill her want and distract him from his own. But she only cocks her head, and studies him, mouthing “Are you okay?” over empty drek and ale bottles.

He blinks. Confusion springs up like a keen defensive blade and he nods as though she were a fool for asking. She presses her lips until they are thin as flimsi, and takes a sip of drek.

“Here, Obi,” says Quin, shoving a shot into his hand. “You and me are gonna drink Tachi under the table.”

“And no purging,” Siri adds. She raises her own glass in salute. “Last woman standing wins!”

And with a cry, and an encouraging hand guiding his own, Obi-Wan joins in the competition, drinking until Quinlan winds up half-conscious in the fresher, and Siri is slapped with a lifetime ban. Reeft, and Garen stagger off to Dex’s, while as penance, Siri vows to see Quinlan safely to the Halls of Healing. Hopefully Bant is on duty and will take pity on them.

“If I really grovel, she might even hook us up with one of those Corellian selamine drips!” Siri slurs, Quinlan draped over her shoulders and drowsing.

Luminara seriously doubts that is a possibility, but says nothing. She only nods encouragingly, and adjusts her hold on her own unstable burden. Obi-Wan has fared better than Quinlan, knowing better than to challenge Siri to a bet, and having learned, somewhere along the way, that some battles are better left unfought, but still he struggles to keep his feet, and Luminara braces herself to steady him.

They squeeze into the aircar together, but are forced to walk the last few blocks to the Temple, when Quinlan unceremoniously vomits out the back window. Most of it is whipped away by the wind, but their driver is furious, and refuses to go any further. And while guiding the steps of three drunken beings is more tedious than simply shoving them in a taxi had been, there is some fortune in this outcome as they manage to make it past Temple security with far less notice than if they’d had to be cleared at the private docks.

Still, Siri and Quinlan make no secret of their passage, laughing and giggling at every missed step or absent whim. At the crossroads between quarters and the Halls, she waits until they stagger out of sight before turning her charge towards his master’s rooms. He’s quiet, pliant, and easily led - a state that she cannot attribute to anything except the quantity of drink in his system, since his stubborn willfulness is something which was left quite unchanged.

“Come on, Obi-Wan,” she whispers, as they approach his chamber door. “Help me out, here.”

She nudges him in the ribs, and lifts his arm while his head lolls sideways to tuck under her chin. She feels his lips against her neck, his breath hot. He smells of sweat, and stale cigarra, and brittle nighttime wind.

“Rejorhaa'ir ni meg gar copad, Sat’ika.”

The words are soft, reverent, hardly more than a kiss upon her skin, and Luminara knows they are not for her. She shakes him harder. Hard enough to dislodge him from his perch atop her collarbone, and drop him into wakefulness.

“Satine?” he mumbles, blinking in the dark. He speaks the name like an orison, and Luminara feels her heart ache with the weight of his prayer.

“I’m not Satine,” she says. “You’re home now. You have to open the door and go in.”

“What?”

“The door, Obi-Wan.” She nudges him further ahead, forcing his feet to accept the responsibility of gravity.

He stumbles, but catches himself, and lets out a sigh.

“Master Qui-Gon is never going to let me hear the end of this,” he says, pressing his palm flat beside the door, and staggering through as it slides away with a hiss.

She follows him in, catching him at the waist as he makes an aborted attempt to collapse across the couch in the common room. His hand hits a clay pot, sending it spinning, and his foot strikes a hollow note against the little wooden table at his side.

“Careful,” she scolds, righting the plant, and listening for the sound of a wakeful master. “We’re going to go to your room.”

“Ah, Padawan Unduli, you’re trying to sed-”

“Padawan Kenobi, keep quiet, lest you wake your master.”

“Right,” he says. And that is sufficient threat, for he keeps any further jibes and jokes to himself as they pick their way down the hall to his room.

This time, she opens the door, her hand firmly in the middle of his back as she escorts him in. The room is still musty from his time away, and though it is no bigger than any standard issue room in any other double suite, it still feels empty and cavernous around them. Obi-Wan hasn’t lived here in a very long time. The walls themselves have forgotten him.

“Thanks for helping me home,” he says. He drops upon his bed, shrugging off his cloak and pulling at the clasps upon his boots. His fingers are wild and clumsy. She watches him struggle for a moment, before pity takes hold, and she kneels down to assist. She brushes his hands aside, and he falls back against the wall, his breaths rasping loudly in the dark.

“If you’re going to be sick let me know,” she says, with a brow raised in barest concern. “I don’t want you to aspirate on your own.”

“I’m not going to be sick,” he insists, voice thick.

“Or if you’re going to cry,” she adds.

“I’m not,” he says. “I’m not. I missed you.””

She shucks the boots, and lifts his legs onto the bed, pulling a blanket across him. He closes his eyes but his jaw is tight, and that furrow in his brow remains. She reaches out to smooth it.

“I missed you, too. Sleep now,” she says. “And dream of lovely things.”

“I’d rather dream of nothing,” he whispers. “I’d rather not dream at all, if all I’ll see is her.”

His hand clenches over the edge of the sheets. She sits, and folds his hand beneath her own. In the stillness of this empty room, and the comfort of his childhood bed, he fights. He bites his lip, until the blood has fled, and the tender flesh turns white. He turns his head, and swallows hard, again and again to drown that anguish, to bridle that emotion, and master himself, just as a Jedi ought. At the corner of one eye, sorrow beads and slips across his cheek. She soothes that injury, too, and murmurs to him sweetly.

“Hush, Obi-Wan, you’re home, now. You’re safe. You’re here. I’m here. Be here, with me.”

“But I will never be there again,” he says, choking on the words as they break free. “She’s gone. She’s gone, and I’ll miss her forever. It’s all over, now.”

“It is,” she sighs, stroking his hair. It has grown long in a year, and his braid is nearly hidden. “It’s over, but it happened. You loved her. And she loved you.”

“I could have stayed,” he cries. “I would have left for her.”

“But you didn’t. You came back. Do you now regret it?”

He gasps. A wretched sob breaks loose, and he surges up, panic, and despair, and overwhelming loss sending him reeling into her arms. He weeps against her chest until he is exhausted, and her robes are crystalised with salt.

“You can still go back,” she whispers, a secret in his ear. “If you wanted. The choice is yours to make.”

He shakes his head, and tightens his grip.

“I made my choice,” he says, tongue thick and slow. But his tone is clear. His heart resolved. He knows what it is he speaks. “I am a Jedi. This is where I’m meant to be.”

“Then trust the Force,” she tells him, gently. “And trust yourself. This, too, shall pass in time.”

[gabriel4sam]

Old wars, old regrets and new beginnings

Master Windu and Master Gallia are not very happy about Qui-Gon's decision to leave Obi-Wan on Melida/Daan. The logical answer is to go back for the lost Padawan. And since they're at it, there are a few things which had gone for way too long, like the Melida/Daan civil war....or denying their feelings.

Under the cut, a little Alternate Universe of one of the Jedi Apprentice books, that mess with Melida/Daan

Once upon a time, there was a young Jedi Initiate with dimples, red hair and a temper which needed work. And Mace Windu wanted him, so, so hard for a Padawan. He wanted to help him grow, he wanted to be there to show him how to open to the Unifying Force, in which the two of them were gifted. Sadly, Master Windu had been used to listening to Yoda more than his own instinctual trust in the Force, like entire generations of Jedi.

Yoda meant well.

But his age and his experience didn’t make him never-failing.

So, Mace Windu let go of his yearning to teach Obi-Wan, hoping he would see the young child flourish under Qui-Gon’s tutelage. For a time, a too short time, it seemed Yoda had been right.

Then Qui-Gon Jinnn came back from Melida/Daan with Tahl, and no Padawan and Mace Windu came under fire from the Remedial Council for putting the other Jedi Master on his ass, right on the tarmac, as Qui-Gon still was covered in Melida/Daan’s dust.

“Did you see that!?” Qui-Gon had said, as Master Mundi had helped him to his feet.

“Yes, it was really a shame he was quicker than me,” Mundi had dryly remarked and Qui-Gon had wisely decided to shut up, because all the welcoming committee was watching him with angry eyes.

Roughly an hour later, Mace was plotting his way to Melida/Daan on a ship borrowed from Master Tholme, because he knew what sorts of ameliorations the man put on any ships he had more than ten minutes on, when Master Gallia found him.

“Tahl is in the healers’s hands. She will live, but we don’t know more for now. Also apparently, you loosened one of Qui-Gon’s teeth.” She announced.

“Good,” Mace said, without looking at her.

“It will certainly cost you your place on the Council.”

“Then I can go back on missions instead of having to handle the Senate.”

The computer beeped to signal it was working on its course and Mace finally turned to his friend….to realize she had her pack on her back, her travel cape and that Siri Tachi, her Padawan, was busy stacking medical packs everywhere she could fix them, helped by Master Tholme, his Padawan, and what seemed to be all the Jedi they could have on hand in the short time Mace had needed to start prepping the ship.

“What, did you think you would be going alone?” Adi Gallia said, with that tone of her which make people fall in line and obey her as if she was the Force itself.

“This is an unauthorized mission,” Mace observed despite himself.

“I know.”

“I will be in even worse trouble than for attacking Jinn.”

“I know.”

“And everyone who helps me-“

“Mace!”

She put a hand on his shoulder.

“Obi-Wan is one of our children. We’re going to get him back. And all the Council, or at least myself, is only jealous you were the first to put your hands on Qui-Gon.”

“Not very Jedi of you, Master Gallia.”

“Master Windu, I have a secret for you, Jedi are way more feral than we let the Senate believe.”

Mace couldn’t handle eye contact this instant, he turned his head, but Adi only put her other hand on his other shoulder, in a sign of comfort, instead of forcing the issue, like most sentient would have, even a few Jedi.

It took three days to travel from Coruscant to Melida/Daan, three days they spend asking themselves if the Order had lost another child. Padawans died, sometimes, but every child who joined the Force seemed to Mace and Adi, sitting on the Council, choosing Jedi for missions, like a personal failure.

During those three days, they spent most of their time in meditation. Who knew what they would find in arriving, better to immerge themselves in the Force all they could, to prepare themselves for battle, for heartbreak. Siri had been quite displeased to be left behind, but it was necessary. The Jedi Order already had abandoned one child in a war zone, they wouldn’t risk another.

“I’m happy you’re coming with me,” Mace had admitted on the second day, “You, my oldest friend. Perhaps I’m selfish, but if I must be expulsed from the Order and tried as a war criminal, there is nobody else I would be right beside.” And Adi had snorted on a laugh and bumped their shoulders amicably.  

*********************************************************

Obi-Wan was exhausted. His training had always been oriented by Qui-Gon’s own specialities, so his healing training was a lot behind his friend Bant, for example. But the Young hadn’t had any medics in their ranks at his arrival: this was something who required long training, disqualifying people possessing it for their ranks.

So, Obi-Wan has done his best to help, counterbalancing his lack of formal training in Force Healing by taping harder in his own strength, siphoning his own strength to heal the Youngs and their adult prisoners when they had some. . Between that and the tactical advises he gave, and the way the Force made him a valuable asset to the Youngs in their plotting to stop the war, as an undetected spy or as a saboteur, it was not exactly surprising he was a little frayed…. Sometimes he even thought he was a rope ready to snap.

So, when he saw Master Windu and Master Gallia, for a moment he thought he was hallucinating.

For a long, long moment.

In fact, it wasn’t before hours later when he woke up from a surprising refreshing sleep with his head on Master Windu’s knees, the Master’s big hands a comforting, warm weigh on his back, than he realized they were really there. He would later suspect this suspiciously deep sleep had been helped by a little push in the Force from the two Masters. Two members of the High Council had broken all the rules in coming to his rescue on a world where they definitely weren’t supposed to be.

“I’m not a Jedi anymore!” He had thrown to them, oscillating between despair, anger and panic for the two adults Jedi. He knew enough of the Republic laws to understand there would be consequence for them.

A lot.

And for him! Him who wasn’t a Jedi anymore, who had never been worthy of the name, if Obi-Wan listened to the little voice in his head, the voice sounding very much like Qui-Gon on his bad days.

“I’m not a Jedi anymore,” he repeated, broken.

“If you don’t want to be a Jedi anymore, you’re not,” Master Gallia said, “We don’t force people to serve. But you’re a child of the Jedi and we don’t abandon our own.”

“So, now, you will be punished because of me, in a war without end,” Obi-Wan had despaired.

The two Masters had looked at each other, doing this thing Obi-Wan had observed between Jedi who had worked closely together before. It was like its own language, told in a few milliseconds and micro expressions.

“We should really take Obi-Wan and go,” Master Windu said and the teenager hadn’t time to protest before the Korrun was adding:

“On the other hands, we’ll already been punished. What could they do, expulse us two times.”

“Also, it would be a waste of resource, two members of the High Council on this planet-“

“Are we still?”

“Well, I consider I am until I receive notifications of what the hell they will do to us after….So, as I said, the two of us and nothing to see for it….bad press for the Jedi.”

She gave Master Windu a smile which Obi-Wan had vague ideas he shouldn’t have seen, even if he had difficulties putting his finger on the why….They turned to him on perfect ensemble and he felt a ping of pain on his chest. He had been so sure he was made to become a Jedi and now he would never have this perfect coordination with another Knight, perhaps another Master, like he had dreamed on younger.

Obi-Wan looked down at his hands, dirty and scrapped, thinking hard.“I….I suppose I will present you to the Youngs,” He said.

 Cerasi immediately adored Master Galia but Nield was much more cautious of this help arriving from nowhere.

“They’re adults, we can’t trust them,” he insisted to Obi-Wan and Cerasi and Obi-Wan spluttered, peeved by this accusation to members of the High Council.

“If they are so good,” Nield would grumble after a plan hatched by Master Gallia worked without trouble; “Why is the galaxy in such a sorry state?”

“Sometimes, I forgot you have never left Melida/Daan,” Obi-Wan said, looking at him.

“What does that mean?”

“The galaxy is big.”

“Hmpff,” Nield said and for once Cerasi seemed of the same opinion. Obi-Wan started to explain, trying to convene everything he had seen since leaving the Temple for the first time:

“Yes, it seems idiotic said like this, doesn’t it? But it’s just so so enormous, there aren’t words for it. And every planets, or almost all planets, are populated, by species born there or by colonisation. And it’s not even starting on the people living on moons, on space stations, in ships… The world is big and there isn’t enough Jedi, more planets don’t see one more than every generation.”

His mood turned darker.

“There never was enough Jedi but they taught us, it’s getting worse. People don’t let their children be chosen anymore, they don’t see why other children’s people can’t do it, and since the Senate reduced the help we receive from Judicials, more Jedi have been killed in action.”

“And yet, you still left them.”

Obi-Wan turned, ashamed, but Nield didn’t let him go, slipping an arm around his waist.

“I didn’t meant it like that. I am…I’m more than honoured than you choose our cause, even with how important the Jedi Order is for you.”

“We,” Cerasi said, “We’re very grateful.” And she embraced the two of them, so close it was difficult to know where which teenager started and where the other ended, and they stayed like that a long time, taking comfort in each other’s warmth and presence.

Without realizing the two Jedi had been there too and where discreetly leaving.

“Ah, young love,” Master Gallia sighed with a smile.

“Do you think….the three of them?” Master Windu said, so surprised he almost missed a step on the ravaged pavement.

“More daring than we were, aren’t they?”

“I always regretted it, you know.”

She stopped walking, looked at him.

“I always asked myself what would have happened this night, if …if I had asked you to share your bunk in this ship, instead of stopping at a few kisses and spending the night next to the Bacta tub of my Master.”

“I would have said yes,” Adi admitted. With a cautious hand, she touched his cheek. The stubble hadn’t been there, the first time she had done that, all those years ago, when they were themselves no more than Padawan.

“I think through the years, I would always had said yes,” she continued, lost in the incredible warmth of Mace’s eyes.

“You already took terrible risks in following me to this world…”

“Oh please, it’s you who followed me!”

Mace had a small laugh, which died against his older friend’s lips.

[vradika]

Master!Anakin Padawan!ObiWan

Just a little warning, my english is not as good as I would like it to be so please bear with it, thanks! This short writing has been inspired by MarchofBirds and their fic Loosen Up wich is highly recommendable. 

Summary: initiate Obi Wan has little confidence in himself and has been choosen by the Choosen One none the less, how that happened? well to this day Obi Wan doesn’t know how or what his master sees in him, but he is highly confident that he must have something good... right? 

A small crowd of masters and initiates is gathered to observe the initiates’ trials, there are at least fifty younglings and just over a dozen masters and knights that will choose their next student. Among those knights there is one who prefers to observe from the shadows, his face is almost hidden but you can see him frown, as if he did not want to be there. 

Despite wanting to go unnoticed, you can feel the excitement of the teens and the surprise of the other masters and knights. It is strange to see The Hero with no Fear, The Chosen One, Anakin Skywalker himself to attend the initiates trials. Every teenager wants to impress their potential master, not only with their skills and control of the force, but with the management of their emotions. And of course everyone wanted to impress The Choosen One.Well, that was happening right now, but in Obi Wan's mind there was only the idea of ​​being chosen, by someone... whoever. Anakin Skywalker's presence was the least of his worries, he knew he could fight and win but he didn't trust himself to use the force and let go of the emotions he felt during battle. Obi Wan’s thoughts were interrupted when he felt a jerk on his shoulder.

-Obi it's your turn, react! - Urges his friend Bant making him head to the battle arena. 

-Oh force- Obi Wan walks towards the arena warching his opponent. I'm not ready, I'm not ready. He repeats to himself like a mantra, but before he could calm his nervousness his body reacted to the first hit, almost failing to dodge it. The other teenager says nothing but her face and her gaze says it all, for her, Obi wan is no match. And for Obi Wan that is demoralizing, rather than getting angry, it causes a lump in his throat, but he knows he has to go on.

The girl lunges relentlessly, one attack after another, Obi Wan finds each of her attacks with a dodge of less intensity. Has she always been so strong? Or am I so weak? The thought forms in his mind just before he stumbles and falls to the ground, the girl's triumphant smile makes him wake up from that movie in which he is not in control, to finally take charge of his body and see everything clearly. For an instant he knows what to do, the nervousness went away along with the doubts and part of the anger that was beginning to form in the pit of his stomach. If this were a real fight, he knows he has to survive. 

In a swift and almost impossible move Obi Wan dodged the blow that would mark the end of the fight, pushing himself with the help of the force to position himself behind his opponent and placing his training lightsaber on the surprised girl's neck, leaving no room to respond. Everything must have happened in a couple of seconds, even less than the silence that followed. Coming out of his stupor, the Jedi Knight who served as the referee ended the match by pronouncing Obi Wan as the winner. Only at that moment Obi Wan could breathe, he did not realize that he had been holding the air. To say that he did not know how he achieved the result would be unfair, because in the last seconds of the fight he knew exactly how to act, he allowed himself to feel some surprise until the voice of his contrincant made him turn his attention to the annoyed girl.

-It's not fair!- she yelled, pointing an accusatory finger at him - He did nothing but a pitiful display of defense!

-The demonstration of skill is only a part of the test, to your places- the Jedi Knight finished with a tone that left no room for further discussion. The girl looked at Obi Wan with resentment as he made his way to Bant's side feeling sheepish. 

-Don't let her get into your head Obi, you did well - Bant whispers to him.  

-But she is not wrong, it is as if I had forgotten how this was done- for him, the result did not matter, as the Jedi Knight said, that was only part of the test, and it is not as if he had demonstrated great skill during the combat. Not to mention that probably more than one master was able to sense his emotions during combat. Without seeing his friend, he makes an exasperated sound as he brings his hands to his face - I'm sorry, I don't want to think about anything Bant- and I don't want to see anyone either. He did not want to see the faces of his other peers and the Jedi, and especially he did not want to think about The Chosen One who was also among those. Although of course, his brain was not his best ally at the moment, so he involuntarily turned to see the place where he felt Skywalker had been to see an empty place, perhaps he felt it wrong.

Later that day some of his classmates were called to be presented with their new masters and among them were Bant, Siri and that girl who was his opponent in the fight. Part of him was happy, really happy for his friends, but he couldn't help the lump in his throat and the urge to cry. What difference does it make, if I'm not a jedi anyway, I can cry whenever I want. Maybe one day he could go visit his brother Owen who was almost a stranger to him or leave the Agri Corps and live in Stewjon, although none of it makes sense to him and does not make him feel better either. Obi Wan doesn't have a lot of belongings so he doesn't bother packing his bag and decides to tour the temple one last time, at least he would take with him the places that made him feel better. 

When he arrived to the observatory there were few people in the place, nobody bothered to pay attention to him which he was grateful for, the projection of the space that surrounds Coruscant always fascinated him and filled him with tranquility, it was a pity that outside the Observatory the stars and planets were not visible because of the lights of the impossibly bright planet. As he walked around the site the holo projection changed. He was actually wandering aimlessly until the projection stopped at a binary system in the outer ring of the galaxy and Obi Wan stopped to watch it. 

-It's an insignificant place don't you think? - a voice behind him pulled him out of his trance 

- What?- asked as he turned to see a well-known figure approaching him. 

-That planet over there, it is insignificant- Anakin says pointing to a place in the binary system, - It is inhabited by people who don't want to be found, slavers and ... enslaved people of course. 

Obi Wan takes a while to make sense of what the knight just said, for some reason he is annoyed by his words 

-There is no insignificant life ... knight Skywalker- he answers as he turns his eyes to the projection, as if it were the most interesting thing in the place until he hears Anakin laugh heartily. 

-Yes, of course Obi Wan, that's true. See you soon- the jedi tousles his hair before leaving the observatory, going through the projection. 

-Of course - snorts the teenager - see you the day you need seeds for a planet- Never, that is. The chosen one would never be assigned to such simple tasks. 

With the desire to continue touring the temple disappeared, he decided to go to rest a little before leaving for Bandomeer. Opening the door to the initiates' rooms Obi Wan is greeted by a pair of annoyed eyes.

-Obi Wan Kenobi! The comm has a function, you know?! And it makes no sense if you don't have it with you- Siri Tachi has never been discrete when it comes to complaining. 

-If I didn't take it with me, it's because I didn't want to communicate - he replies irritated, he has never known how to control his reactions with her. 

-Obi- a calmer voice calls him- we were trying to locate you, why weren't you at the pairing ceremony? - Obi Wan did not think Bant was being serious  

-Are you kidding Bant?- He answers, feeling his level of irritability rise - I am happy for you but you do not need my moral supp ...

-He doesn't know! Hahaha I told you- Siri laughs addressing Bant. Obi Wan is in no mood to continue listening so he leaves for his shared room.

-Hey hey, calm down, you ditched The Chosen One, honestly nobody thought that a Padawan was going to play hard to get -Siri walked towards him while she spoke.

-Siri seriously, nothing you say makes sense, so move, I don't want the last time we see to end in a bad way- and as things were going Obi Wan was about to say things that he really didn't want to.

-Bant, if you don't tell him I'm going to do it and he won't like it -the blonde turns to her partner expectantly.

-Obi, Knight Skywalker chose you as his Padawan, it was a late choice and when they came looking for you, you weren't here. We tried to reach you but nobody had seen you, you left the chosen one waiting, although he seemed more amused than annoyed - says Bant thoughtfully. 

It took a while for Obi Wan to process the information. His ears began to feel hot with embarrassment as he recalled his encounter with the aforementioned Knight, why hadn't he said anything to him? See you soon ...

-My beautiful and dramatic friend, did you understand what Bant just said? This is not the last time we see each other, so enough of your melancholic humor- Siri continues while pulling one of his ears. 

-I am a Padawan- is the only thing that comes out of Obi Wan's mouth.

-We have broken him Bant- Siri's voice is heard -You are the Padawan of Anakin Skywalker, not just a Padawan

-Oh force, I am the Padawan of The Chosen One - all the information rushes to fill his mind and begins to make sense. How could he meet the expectations of such a teacher? If I can't even fill my own.

-Calm down Obi, that's good ... - Bant starts but is interrupted

-I can’t ! I'm not, I don't ... I don't want to- Lie, I do, but I don't know if I can.

-Breathe Obi- Bant approaches to put her hand on Obi Wan's chest, projecting tranquility through the force. - You can, Siri and I know it and your new master knows it- Obi Wan started breathing normally 

-Only you think that and maybe knight Skywalker only felt pity for me or thinks I'm a challenge...- 

-Listen well Obi Wan Kenobi! It is the second time that I have to call you by your full name and I promise you will not survive a third. YOUR Master is a Jedi, and as such he knows that pity is not the way and you know it, he saw the same thing that we see in you and that others cannot, and I am not going to tell you what it is because you need to see it for you self. So tomorrow you are going to get up early because we will meet our masters at the end of breakfast, they will pick su up outside the dining room. Take your things with you- And with that Siri goes to her bedroom being followed by Bant.

-Congratulations, I'm glad to have you here, and I'm sure Siri is happy too- Obi Wan watches her smile and they leave him alone in the hallway. He walks on autopilot to his bed and miraculously falls asleep.

The next day Obi Wan wakes up to the reality of empty beds and missing people in the dining room. He didn't really think about all his peers who were not chosen and that makes him feel a little guilty. I did not say goodbye to them. He thought he would see them on his way to Bandomeer. Siri and Bant left with their respective masters a while ago, there was only him left. What if he regrets it and won't come? He walked towards the doors of the dining room as he felt his own enraged heartbeats deafened him, anxiety began to invade him when hurried footsteps caught up with him.

-Obi Wan!, good morning, I guess there is no breakfast left for me - Anakin Skywalker says a little agitated, smiling at him - I'm sorry I didn't come earlier, but hey, yesterday you left me waiting so I think it's only fair - he continues - Obi Wan? - Anakin asks raising an eyebrow.

-Ah yes, sir ... good morning master, I'm sorry about yesterday, I, ... I did not think that my presence was required and well, it was not my intention - stutters, Great.

-Luckily we are already here, come with me, let's go to our apartment, I'm really hungry. If you want, you can have breakfast, or have another breakfast ... Or take ... something, whatever follow me.- His master continued speaking distractedly while he walked assuming that Obi Wan would follow him, which he did ... From that day on Obi Wan continued to wonder, what did his master see in him? Someone so bright in the force and he, well he was just him.

[thedunesea]

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi

Summary:

The only thing I can say for sure is that Anakin talks so much I barely have time to think. Which is something I’m terribly grateful for.

Excerpts from the journal of a newly minted Jedi Knight.

I have smiled so much these past few days my facial muscles hurt. Smile for the Queen, smile for the Chancellor, smile for the cameras. Smile for Yoda and the Council.

Above all, smile for the boy.

I’ve never felt less like smiling.

I am still on Naboo. It has been three days.

I wish I could spar.

*

I am finally back at the Temple; I suppose an entry is in order.

I would never have thought

It began When we It happened

I find I am at loss.

With all my belief in the power of words, I’m beginning to think that some things just cannot be conveyed. Perhaps it’s for the better: let memories, sensations and emotions fade into the Force. Maybe, if never put into words, they will one day hurt less.

Who am I trying to fool?

Stick to the facts, one could say, but it’s an exercise in futility. Naboo Security has provided the Archives with footing of the whole incident; there is no need for me to write down what happened. By the way, I have not seen the footage; I think I never will. At any rate, its testimony is certainly more reliable than mine: my memories are but a red blur.

The only thing I can say for sure is that Anakin talks so much I barely have time to think. Which is something I’m terribly grateful for.

Oh, here he comes.

*

And so it began: today we had our meeting with the Council of First Knowledge to devise a course plan for Anakin. I feel for him: coursework was hard enough for me, his schedule is going to be a nightmare. I suppose Dex will get more than his usual share of Jedi founds over the next few months: the least I can do is give the boy some treats.

Another thing that came out of the meeting was that, apparently, slaying a Sith Lord in mortal combat makes you qualify not only for Knighthood but for lightsaber classes too. Master Drallig’s schedule is full, so he will just teach Anakin the basic drills. The rest falls upon me.

When I brought the outcome of the meeting before the High Council for approval, Master Windu proposed to have Anakin join the Initiates classes, and I found myself forced to take exception. Just imagine, me going against the Master of the Order.

I said I wouldn’t subject the boy to what he will inevitably perceive as humiliating, being taught with children half his age. A Jedi shall know no pride, I know, but Anakin is not a Jedi yet. In time he will learn. I am glad that Master Gallia and Master Koon sided with me; in the end, even Yoda agreed.

It looks like I’m taking up the mantle of maverick, doesn’t it? Wherever you are, Master, I hoper you’re having a good laugh.

Ah. I was almost forgetting. Satine sent condolences. It’s hard to tell from a hologram, but she looked well. I do hope she is happy.

*

I already spoke of the perks of slaying a Sith Lord in mortal combat. Today I discovered the downside.

Sparring triggers memories. In hindsight it shouldn’t have been a surprise, but it was, and a most unwelcome one.

I would never have thought I would say this, but thank the Force I was sparring with Vos, and not with Garen or Tachi. Apparently, Quin’s line of work has somehow managed to put some tact in him; this is something I can’t say for either Garen or Siri.

Of course Quin’s first thought was the Mind Healers, but he agreed with me that some people on the Council would jump at the excuse to reassess my suitability as a Master, and this is something I can’t allow to happen.

Still, I need to fix this issue before I start one-on-one training with Anakin: he needs a Master in control. So in control I will be.

It is somewhat contrary to the point, but I wish I could just go out and get drunk.

Actually I could - Vos thinks I should, and who else is surprised? - but with all the coursework Anakin has we barely see each other during the day. I am not going to leave him alone in the evenings too. Besides, only the Force knows what kind of mechanical devilry I might find upon my return. No, better stay home and keep an eye on the boy.

*

Garen tells me I look better; Siri Tachi – and I’m quoting here – says I look like shit. Bant just sighs. Reeft, of course, just eats.

It seems my mirror agrees with Tachi: I can’t say I liked what I saw when I shaved this morning. Maybe I should eat more.

I certainly should sleep more. Incidentally, Anakin and I make for a fine pair of insomniacs. When I woke up tonight - I don’t even need to say what I was dreaming of - I found him tampering with a droid on the couch. I can’t fathom how he managed to turn our living room into a dumpster in less than a week. I suppose he’s not used to having this many things around. Anyway, it comes out he has trouble sleeping: he says he has always had, for as long as he remembers. It doesn’t surprise me: his connection to the Force is impressive. Overwhelming, even, and dreams are an obvious outlet for the abilities he repressed for so long. In time, as he learns control, they will pass.

One of my suspicions turned out to be true: indeed, Anakin seems to find his peace of mind in tinkering with mechanical objects. Peculiar, to say the least. He showed me how to reprogram a vocabulator to make it compatible with non-droid units. The result is that our fridge now starts speaking every time we open the fruit compartment. For some reason, it only speaks Shyriiwook. It’s quite entertaining, to be honest. I hope our laughing fits didn’t wake our neighbours in the middle of the night.

Even after all this, though, Anakin didn’t want to tell me what he dreamed of. I believe it was his mother.

I wish I could say I don’t know how it feels to miss a parental figure.

*

Today I lost my Padawan. We lasted together little more than three weeks.

I blame the debacle on astronavigation, my archenemy of old. It was clear from the start that Anakin doesn’t share my belief that flying is for droids, so asking Garen to tutor him seemed the natural choice. What I gained for my troubles was that Garen put the boy in a starfighter, and now they’ve been gone for hours.

Thit is the reason why I write this journal in the first place: I learn from my own history so I’m not doomed to repeat it. I will introduce Anakin to Vos when I’m dead.

On the other hand, I’m looking forward to introducing him to Tachi. Garen says Anakin is cute, and I must admit he is endearing: I’m sure he will manage to thaw even Siri’s icy heart, and I will enjoy every second of it.

The nightmares don’t stop, neither for me nor for Anakin. I’m getting sick of all that red.

*

I really wished Qui-Gon was here.

I’m not sure I’m ready for this Padawan business, and I have no idea how to deal with Anakin’s nightmares. He won’t tell me what they are about, he won’t meditate. We just spend our nights tinkering. It’s not how it should be done. I am afraid I’ll soon start spoiling him rotten. Look at me, Jedi Knight of the Republic, fussing over a child like a mother hen.

I should ask for help, I know I should, but I can’t risk the Council taking Anakin away from me. I promised I would train him, and I will.

I even tried searching the HoloNet for “Force-sensitives nightmares”. Well, the results certainly made for an entertaining read; apparently, there is a Corellian Heavy-Isotop band named Force Nightmare. I had to laugh at my own folly, but self-pity will get me nowhere. Neither will all this caf, and I even hate the stuff, but I barely sleep and what else am I supposed to do?

All in all, today is not a good day.

I can’t even spar, and no amount of meditation seems to change that.

I lost control again in the Halls. Quin said I scared him.

All I see when I ignite my saber is red.

*

Shall I start from the good news or the bad?

Let’s start with the good news, laced with a little optimism. I spoke to Master Drallig: I had to. Anakin can’t be taught by a Master who goes on a murderous spree every time he lays his hand on a weapon. Master Drallig believes it will pass; according to him, it is a common occurrence in such a scenario. I don’t know how “common” applies to the scenario “Master killed by a Sith Lord”, but I will defer to Master Drallig’s wisdom, of course.

The bad news is, he told me he believes that what triggers my memories is my using the same moves Master Qui-Gon and I used during the duel. He believes that switching to another saber form could provide a solution, at least for the moment.

Needless to say, I’m not particularly happy with the idea. Ataru in our lineage goes back to Yoda himself, and almost everything I know on lightsaber combat I owe to Qui-Gon’s training. Switching to another form tastes like betrayal.

Well, a Jedi’s lot is to learn how to let go. For the moment, I will settle on “learn how to pretend to have let go”.

I am summoned to the Halls of Training next week to see what form will suit me best.

*

First day out with my Padawan.

I never thought about what visiting Coruscant for the first time could feel like; Anakin was in awe.

Unfortunately, the awe soon morphed into a crazed frenzy.

Where he stores all that energy - or the ice-cream, the candies and the two cheeseburgers he ate, for that matters - is beyond me.

Dex loved him. I am exhausted.

I think I’m going to sleep twelve hours straight.

Maybe tonight we won’t dream.

*

A Jedi shall know no pride. A Jedi, though, still knows humiliation, and going through katas weaponless because I’m afraid of myself was the epitome of humiliating.

Shii-Cho we didn’t even try. Soresu is not my style: too static and, I must say, a form focused on defence becomes boring soon enough. Juyo, the style of aggression, is out of the question. Shien is off the table too: I’d sooner be dead than use the revers grip all its practitioners seem to favor. It’s ugly. Master Drallig says I am vain; I suppose no one is perfect.

As for Djem-So, I don’t have the brute force it requires.

Unexpectedly, I found Nieman much to my liking: double wielding is perhaps a little flamboyant but, if done right, Form VI is well-balanced, physically challenging and aesthetically pleasing. I think I will give it a try: I could even use Qui-Gon’s crystal for the shoto.

What surprised me most, though, is Master Drallig’s verdict: he believes I would be proficient in Makashi, no less. It’s a pity Master Dooku left the Order; I am not party to the specifics, but I seem to understand Qui-Gon’s death played a role in his decision. Be it as it may, Master Drallig himself offered to tutor me as soon as the Initiate term is over: I was speechless for a good ten seconds. I like Makashi fine, but I must admit I’m not looking forward to specialize in a form meant for saber-to-saber combat. I’ve had my share of duels with Force-wielders for a lifetime. Besides, if the Sith are really never more than two, what odds are there I will have to confront the other too?

We shall see what form the Force has in store for me.

In the meantime, I promised Anakin I would take him to the theater tonight. I must go get ready.

*

Now that I know, I wish I didn’t.

Anakin’s shields are not yet strong enough and our morning meditation betrayed him.

Apparently, the Naboo Security didn’t think a child was out of place in their headquarters, especially not the child who had blown up the mother ship. They didn’t pay him any mind, and he slipped in as they watched the security recordings: he saw it all.

I saw his dreams. It was him behind the ray shield, and me in the generator core.

It was the first time in my life I had to comfort a crying child. By the end of it, I was more distressed than he was. When at last he stopped crying he hugged me and thanked me and sauntered away towards the next droid adventure. Children.

Me, on the contrary, he left behind with words that will haunt me for a long time.

Master, will you leave me alone too?

*

I can’t stop thinking about Anakin’s nightmares. Too focused on my own grief, on my own loss, I never fully grasped the extent of his loneliness. True, I lost Qui-Gon, and before him I lost Tahl. But I still have Quinlan, Luminara, Bant, Reeft, Garen, Siri. I have Master Yoda, Master Windu, Master Drallig. Master Koon and Master Gallia. Ali-Alann.

The whole Order.

And then I have Dex and Guerra Derida and many more friends across the Galaxy.

I have Satine.

Anakin has only me. I can’t imagine how the fear of being left alone in the world must be eating at him.

I will not let him go through what happened to me.

I will not fail him.

His fate will not be the same as mine.

*

In the end the choice wasn’t even a choice. Soresu it is.

My survival has just become of the utmost importance - not that it wasn’t before, of course, I like life well enough, but now is paramount.

A Jedi wields is lightsaber in defence, and in defending me I’m defending my Padawan as well.

Perhaps Soresu is the most Jedi-like form of all.

*

I spent so much time in the Training Halls I didn’t even realize I haven’t been writing for two weeks.

It was worth it.

Today my defeat was my triumph.

Predictably, Vos wiped the floor with me, but I managed to see the duel to its end without lashing out at my opponent. On second thought, I should have: he isn’t taking my commitment to Soresu seriously. He says I’m too flashy for it. I’ll show him flashy in a year, and that’s a promise. Oh, and don’t even get me started on his uncivilized innuendos - or, well, straight out crudities - on the Way of the Mynock.

Of course my form was appalling; I wasn’t defeated before the minute’s mark only because I threw in the mix a great deal of Shii-Cho and, to my utmost delight, some Ataru as well. There is much room for improvement, but I’m getting the feel of it.

I must say that Form III looks versatile. Perhaps I’ll manage turning it into something actually entertaining: I am not going to let my Padawan see lightsaber training as a boring endeavour. Soresu itself will have to adapt to our recreational needs.

I’m looking forward to teach Anakin all I know and all I will learn over the next years. I want him to see how much delight is to be found in the Force - and in sparring, of course.

Master Drallig is right: I sound vain and arrogant, but today I just can’t find it in myself to indulge in self-flagellation: it just feels so good to be able to spar again.

It feels good to be looking forward to something again.

[swhurtcomfort]

I don’t know if you guys are comfortable with this topic, but could you write something where Obi-Wan starts self-harming after the events of the phantom menace, and Anakin walks in on him?

Hi anon, this is a grey area of my comfort zone as a writer but I gave it a try. If this fic isn’t what you were hoping for, try submitting another prompt when Leslie comes back so maybe she can write you something.

tw non-graphic self-destructive behavior (not cutting) under the readmore; tw complicated grief

Be brave don’t look back be brave don’t look back

Master Kenobi comes home from his mission. He’s limping a bit and hides his face from Anakin, disappearing into the sonic without a word.

When he emerges, he is walking more normally, and he has something smeared on his face to cover up the black eye.

“Get dressed—casual robes will do,” he says to Anakin. “We are going downtown for supper.”

Master Kenobi gets injured on more missions than not. In lieu of the six-month solo assignment that a newly-made knight would traditionally be given, the Council sends him on shorter, more frequent missions so that he can be in the Temple with Anakin most of the time. Anakin hates that things have to be done differently to accommodate him, just another problem he’s created.

Anakin isn’t sure what to tell his classmates when they ask him about Master Kenobi, their eyes full of jealousy and sometimes malice. What’s it like being trained by the Sith-Slayer? He doesn’t think he’s supposed to tell them that Master Kenobi is unpredictable, sometimes friendly, sometimes aloof. And he knows he’s not supposed to tell them about the constant injuries, or the bloodstained robes that he tries to scrub clean in the sink rather than take them to the quartermaster. Or the fact that four months after the funeral, Master Kenobi still sleeps on the sofa rather than in the bed that was previously Master Qui-Gon’s.

Anakin gets dressed and follows Master Kenobi down to the hovertrain platform in silence. Anakin is painfully aware that Master Kenobi hadn’t really wanted a padawan in the first place, but he likes to think that things are improving between them. Master Kenobi is teaching him Shii-Cho so he doesn’t have to take Master Yoda’s class in a room full of 4-year-olds. They laugh and kid around sometimes. It’s just that other times, Master Kenobi comes home bloodied and bruised and they can’t seem to talk about it. Time passes painfully slow on the tram ride.

When they arrive at the diner, Dexter Jettster isn’t fooled by whatever he’s painted his face with. “Quite the shiner you’ve got there, my boy,” he thunders, grabbing Master Kenobi’s shoulder roughly and offering Anakin a smile.

“You know which booth. I’ll come and join ‘ya if I can catch a break.”

Obi-Wan leads the way to their usual seats. He’s still too quiet and seems distracted, even though Dex’s food is his favorite treat. At the end of their meal Dex asks Anakin into the back kitchen under some pretext about some spare parts from old kitchen droids.

“Listen, kiddo,” the Besalisk says once the kitchen door swings shut behind them. “Your master, he’s not acting right. Even considering all that’s happened.”Anakin averts his eyes and takes a half a step back, just another instinct he hasn’t unlearned from his previous life. He doesn’t want to get in trouble. He’s still very aware that Obi-Wan is the only thing standing between him and the Council, so he can’t screw things up between them.“It’s alright, you don’t have to tell me nothin’. But Anakin?”

Anakin’s head snaps up.

“There’s a healer at the Temple, sweet girl, goes by Bant. If our Ben needs help—even if he tells you he don’t—give her a call, alright? It’s alright to tell somebody if he’s worryin’ you. Go to your healer’s wing and ask for Bant.”

“I know Healer Eerin,” says Anakin quietly.

“Well, there you go.” Dex’s gentle smile reaches the corners of his eyes. He claps Anakin on the shoulder a little too hard. “It’s a bad job, poor Jinn, poor Kenobi. Shouldn’t be for someone your age to worry about, but somebody oughta keep an eye on him.”

Anakin agrees, shoulders this silent and awkward responsibility that he doesn’t quite understand.

Dex’s warning is timely; the following week is a rough one. Obi-Wan sleeps too much and eats too little, and barely pays attention to Anakin at all. It makes Anakin dreadfully homesick, mixed with a guilty wish that Qui-Gon were here to train him. He’s pretty sure Qui-Gon wouldn’t have stood him up for sparring practice and left him waiting in the dojo for hours.

Anakin comes home and lets himself in, crabby and feeling sorry for himself. A drop of blood on the hallway floor catches his eye.

Anakin treads lightly to the open ‘fresher door, and sees Obi-Wan kneeling on the floor in front of the med kit. He is dabbing bacta on the corner of his blackened eye.

Obi-Wan leans forward and shrugs out of his shirt, and it’s all Anakin can do not to gasp.

Obi-Wan carefully examines the mottled flesh that spans from his hip halfway up his rib cage in a rainbow of colors. The horrendous bruise sprawls at the edges into the outlines of blood vessels. Obi-Wan lays a hand over the injury and presses experimentally.

He grimaces while applying more pressure. There’s a sudden hitch of his breath.

Anakin swallows hard, sickened by what he is watching. He feels a wave of guilt for intruding on something so intimate and private, watching Obi-Wan explore the hurts all over his body with cruel fingertips, prodding and picking at the injuries as though the pain of them were a relief.

Anakin starts to suspect that some of these injuries were avoidable. He’s known slaves who possessed the same tendencies. They weren’t as easy to spot as those who inflicted wounds by their own hand, but they were the dejected folks who disobeyed and acted out, and didn’t seem to mind the beatings it earned them. An outsider might think they were simply strong-willed or foolish, but Anakin could recognize hopelessness when he saw it.

He sees the same look on Obi-Wan’s face, as if the pain is deserved, as if it brings him some sense of rightness. A wave of repulsion crashes over Anakin. He slips back through the hallway and out the front door. He thinks about Dex’s advice again.

His feet take him to the healer’s wing, but by the time he gets there he still hasn’t decided what to say. A padawan greets him in the lobby.

“I need to see Healer Eerin, please,” he squeaks.

“She’s in an appointment. Do you need medical attention?”

Anakin swallows hard. He is starting to feel like this was a bad idea. What if he gets Obi-Wan in trouble? What if Obi-Wan gets angry with him?

“It has to be Healer Eerin,” he stammers. “Master Kenobi—he—well, Dex said…”

Anakin is starting to panic. The junior healer leans over the desk. “Take a deep breath. If Knight Kenobi is injured, he might have asked you to fetch Bant because she is his friend, but another healer will still be able to help him. Is that what happened, padawan?”

“No!” Anakin’s stomach churns. He’s not sure if Master Kenobi is going to get in trouble for what he’s doing, but he’s obviously been trying to hide it. Anakin’s not a tattletale…but Dex said it was okay to tell Bant even if Obi-Wan said no. He doesn’t think Dex would have told him to do something bad, but then again, Dex isn’t a Jedi so maybe he doesn’t understand the rules. Everything is too confusing.

“Does anyone need a healer right now?” the boy behind the desk tries to get his attention again.

“No!” Anakin says quickly.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, don’t, please,”

“Alright,” the junior healer looks thoroughly confused. “How about I just leave Bant a note, and have her comm Knight Kenobi in an hour?”

Anakin agrees before he takes off at a run.

Jacosta Nu is not particularly happy to see him sprinting through her doors, so he slows his pace to a respectable walk. He weaves through rows and rows of archived datafiles and finds his preferred hiding spot, a narrow cranny between two tall shelves, hidden by a row of force-sensitive ferns. It’s just right for someone his size, and impenetrable to anyone bigger. He used to come here a lot in the first few weeks, to avoid the mutual embarrassment of overhearing Master Kenobi’s crying. It’s comforting to have a place in the Temple that no one else knows about.

Anakin pulls his knees up to his chest and braces his feet against the flat side of a shelf. It’s oddly comforting to be so snug. He takes deep breaths. Be brave don’t look back be brave don’t look back

He lets out a few silent tears, and contemplates his options. Weighs the likelihood that Master Kenobi will find out he almost told and be cross with him. Weighs the likelihood that the Council will find out anyway and take Anakin away from him, or something equally horrifying. Wonders if Master Kenobi is going to be okay.

Anakin’s not sure how long he stays there, taking deep breaths. Probably a few hours at least. He falls asleep there and wakes up feeling worse.

The fronds of the oversized plant rustle. “Hi, Anakin,” whispers a voice.

Anakin’s head shoots up as he wipes the tear tracks from his face. “Master Siri?”

“It’s alright, Anakin,” Siri Tachi assures him. “Come on out of there, it’s past your bedtime.”

Anakin obeys, wondering suddenly why Master Kenobi wasn’t the one to fetch him.

“Is—”

“Everything’s fine,” says Siri quietly. “You’ll see.”

Anakin thinks a bit as he walks. “Master Siri, how did you find me?”

Siri laughs. “Jacosta said you weren’t the first little padawan she’s known to take a liking to those ferns.”

Anakin almost says something when they reach the level where he and Obi-Wan live. Master Kenobi never entertains and Anakin isn’t allowed to invite people over either – he suspects it’s to hide the fact that Master Kenobi still hasn’t cleaned out Qui-Gon’s room.

Obi-Wan’s not going to like it if Siri barges in, but before Anakin can say anything, the door is sliding open.

The scene that greets him inside is a complete shock. Master Kenobi sits in the center of the sofa, flanked on either side by Bant Eerin and Mace Windu, each with a hand at his back. Dexter is hovering near an armchair beside a green-eyed woman whom Anakin has never met.

Anakin and Obi-Wan make eye contact, then look away. Anakin can tell that he knows—knows what Anakin saw. That he’s wondering what Anakin thinks of him now. That a childish part deep down in Anakin isn’t sure of the answer.

“Anakin, it’s alright,” Obi-Wan manages hoarsely.

“You’re not angry, Master?” Anakin barely whispers.

“What?” he asks. Mace’s hand shifts higher on Obi-Wan’s back. Obi-Wan shakes his head. “Anakin, I’m sorry.”

Anakin nods and presses himself up against the wall.

“I’ll make you a deal, Obi-Wan,” says Bant quietly. “I’ll sneak some supplies from the Halls and patch you up here if you let me set you up an appointment with Raina.”

“I don’t think I need a Mind Healer,” Obi-Wan mumbles.

Bant shrugs.

“I’d take that deal if I were you, Obi-Wan,” says Mace with a rare note of humor. “If you make us take you to the Halls, Vokara will have some choice words about those bruises.”

“There’s no shame in it, kiddo,” says Dex sagely.

Anakin doesn’t know whose face to look at. He’s thankful no one seems to be paying attention to him.

“Okay,” Obi-Wan sighs.

Bant nods and rises to go fetch her medical supplies.

“We all miss him too,” says the girl sitting next to Dex. “If you want our help tomorrow, all you have to do is comm.”

“Thanks, Astri.”

“But if not, that’s alright too,” Dex adds. “Sometimes you gotta have your space. But we’ll just be here in a few clicks if you ever need.”

As they begin to take their leave, Obi-Wan beckons Anakin to him.

“Mace and Bant are coming over tomorrow morning,” he says slowly, as if the words were a great effort. “And we’re going to clean Qui-Gon’s room.”

Anakin glances towards the bedroom door, the one that they never open. He realizes he can’t remember the last time he heard Master Kenobi say Qui-Gon’s name out loud.

“If you would like to help, you can skip your morning class. It’s up to you,” he continues. He lays a hand on Anakin’s arm, almost gingerly.

Anakin doesn’t react either way, still watching nervously.

“I haven’t been myself,” Obi-Wan half-whispers. “Things are going to get better. I’ll be a better master to you.”

“You’re a good master,” says Anakin quickly.

Bant returns with her pockets full of bacta, gauze and painkillers. “Let’s try the kitchen table, Obi,” she says in a business-like tone. “Wouldn’t want to get blood on your sofa.”

Mace takes that as his cue to leave. Obi-Wan politely indicates that Anakin should go get ready for bed.

As he’s brushing his teeth, Anakin can hear the muffled sound of their lowered voices in the kitchen. It’s somehow a weight off his back, knowing that there’s a grown-up taking care of Master Kenobi. He hadn’t realized how heavy those secrets were while he was carrying them.

Master Qui-Gon’s presence is still missing in their home, something that should be there but isn’t, an empty hole that aches. And perhaps he always will be. But Anakin falls asleep with Obi-Wan’s promise echoing in his ears, that things are going to get better.

[tachiisms]

relationships tagdrop, again these got eaten

:: to cherish without keeping ( ferus olin & siri tachi ) :: i will never leave you ... you will never leave me ( obi wan kenobi & siri tachi ) :: i never have to worry about what's behind me because you always have my back ( commander pony & siri tachi ) :: you turn my whole world upside down. welcome. ( john constantine & siri tachi ) :: we few; we happy few; we band of brothers ( the 227th ) :: they had become partners as well as friends ( olin / lands ) :: friendships between women are some of the most underrated ( padmé amidala & siri tachi ) :: as different as the sun and the moon ( satine kryze & siri tachi ) :: your family is my family ( rick grimes & siri tachi )

[hearwhisper]

“NO!”

Send “NO!” to find my muse dying on the battlefield (accepting) || @tachiisms

Send “NO! reversed” for my muse to find your dying muse

     You will kill Siri Tachi.

     Mara’s heart hammers wildly within her, as rapid as the engine of a Star Destroyer. Her mind reels, echoes of voices since forgotten resounding in unrelenting anguish within her. Flashes of memories since suppressed flicker through her vision, as sporadic and burning as a fire. It is all Mara can do to remain standing, though even now her legs shake beneath her. I must kill Siri Tachi, she thinks, mirroring the voice of her Master. I must kill Siri Tachi. I must kill Siri Tachi. I must kill Siri Tachi.

     A traitor to the Empire. Tachi should have died in the execution of Order 66. She should have died before. Yet by some steel will, she has survived, enduring the galaxy and all the Emperor has thrust to her. She should have died. She should have died. Why didn’t she die then ? Why must her life be in Mara’s hands now ? Why?  But I must kill her, Mara thinks, with a horrible desperation, as if to coax herself into this damning fact.

     She left you, Mara. Gave you away. YOU MEANT NOTHING.

     How very like your mother you are, a new voice echoes, this one warmer, and accompanied by the memory of the brightest blue eyes Mara had ever seen. A warm hand to her chubby cheek, as her little hands played with a doll. How like your father.

     Be damned these memories and these words. Be damned how Mara feels her eyes slowly start to water. A terrible ache between her eyes threatens to rip through her, traveling through her bones until they shatter, and she crumbles like a broken doll to the ground.

     She left you, Mara. Do it. KILL HER.

     This is why … this is why … he sent her. A cruel joke.

     You failed me once. Don’t do it again.

     Mara had been unable to kill Siri Tachi the first day, the second day … until days roved by, with empty promises following, threats to bring her straight to the Emperor and kill her in his presence. Yet Mara’s blade, blaster, hands, all had never once touched Tachi, in promise or murder or familial attachment. She could not bear it.

    Have you grown soft ?

     The shaking engulfs Mara in full. The resounding echo of blaster fire as the Stormtroopers to her back close in on the Rebels, on Tachi. It becomes all too real. She is supposed to lead them to victory, isn’t she ? This is her redemption. The Emperor gave her a second chance, even after she had failed purely out of her own damning confusion and heart ache. Perhaps he’ll send Lord Vader to collect me if I fail, if I succeed, Mara thinks, gripping her violet lightsaber like a vice. She can feel the Rebels draw their weapons, fighting back - hitting the ground, dead, as her Stormtroopers advance. Maybe he’ll make me watch as he kills her. Maybe he’ll make me do it. Maybe-

     YOU WILL KILL SIRI TACHI !

    “ Please ! ”

     This is no battle cry. The shout is mangled from her throat, forced out by the brutish pain stripping her bare until there is only bone. Is it a plea for mercy ? A plea for strength ? She is uncertain. And she is angry at herself for it.

     The blaster fire clears through their corner of the world. Her violat saber effortlessly deflects the fire from the Rebels. Her legs carry her with a feral swiftness. Sinking back into a predatory state, Mara finds herself leaning on what she knows. Her movements are graceful, such as a dancer, but the song she moves to is one of battle cries and death. She will prove herself. She will redeem herself. She will -

     She feels Siri Tachi.

     In a swift twirl, Mara locks eyes with the Jedi, the traitor. Her heart hammers in full now, roaring so greatly she can no longer collect her own thoughts. Even the Emperor’s voice becomes muddled as a series of resounding whispers carry themselves to her senses.

 “ - like your father - ”

     A warm hand touching her own as she eats a sweet meal.

“ - one day I will teach you the saber - ”

     A confident smile thrown over the woman’s shoulder, before she departs.

   “ - you can’t have her - ”

     Shaky strength, keeping her shielded.

     “ - hide - ”

     Blaster fire.

     “ - I will find you - ”

     A shout, an empty promise, before a body falls.

     And then a face, blurry and uncertain, but a face … not loving or doting, but certain in a choice. A decision made to keep her safe, one to solidify that she would be protected - loved, even … not by the uncertain’s own affections, no, but by others. All at once, the face caves to that of the Emperor’s satisfied smile, so sickly and cold.

     Mara can only stand there, staring at Tachi. So enveloped within her own thoughts and aches she scarcely acknowledges the grenade thrown in her direction. A mere second clocks by, before herself and several Stormtroopers are thrown through the air in a bloodied boom. She soars through the open air, knowing nothing save for the pain in her bones, even before she hits the ground. Her mind is still reeling, the disjointed voices subduing now -

     A real voice speaks to her, though Mara can scarcely hear over the dull ringing in her ears. Her eyes slowly open to a face, blurry, but a face. Arms wrap around her in a way she has never known before. It hurts, it burns, even, but there is something so familiar and welcoming Mara can scarcely regard the pain.

     The world is a blur, no longer sharp and crisp. But her bones feel very much sharp against her, her skin very much crisp. Bright red hair singed, face burned and green eyes bloodshot.

     She coughs something warm and rusty.

 “ D -… ” her voice is shaky. It hurts to breathe. “ Do -… don’t l-l-let go … ”

     Her body is shaking with pain, twitching as it slowly shuts down. Mara can feel it now. It grips her like a vice, as she gripped her saber. Where is her weapon now ? Does it even matter … does it even matter what death will look like ? Mara lets out another shaky breath. So young she has claimed many lives for the Emperor. What will it look like when her own life is claimed ? The thought terrifies her. So young.

     For a fleeting moment, Mara wishes she had run away with Tachi, instead of leaving.

     She tries to grab the uncertain’s arm. “ P-pl … please, d-don … ”

[acatbyanyothername9]

Every even number :)

2.                  What is your favorite movie?

AOTC : we got introduced to so much greatcharacters : Dex, Dooku, Jango Fett… We got to see Obi Wan drink and play detectiveand going with the flaw in some of the most ridiculous situation ever shown onscreen, we got to meet the GAR for the first time too! I also loved Kamino aesthetic.

4.                  Do you ship Anidala?

This is a complicated question. I don’t, notreally because I don’t think theirs is a healthy relationship. They jump into amarriage after having lost contact for ten years, Padme just brushes under thecarpet the fact that Anakin committed genocide, they don’t seem to agree onsome of the fundamental things such as democracy. I mean Padme fought untildeath to preserve the Republic and the Democracy, while Anakin was on board fora dictatorship and then brought on the Fall of the Republic. And some of therecent comics have shown that Padme does not trust Anakin (even if it’s only onpolitical matters because of his relationship with Palpatine). Also Anakin doesnot do healthy relationship and that is reason enough to not ship Anidala. On theother hand, I find Anidala fascinating because of all this: it’s a deeplyflawed relationship, yet they did it anyway and tried to make things work.

6.                  Luke or Leia?

Definitly Luke. Leia is way to belligerent forme.

8.                  Did you like Lando?

As a matter of fact I did! I liked his slyhumour, his friendship, the hinted background with Han, everything. I think heis one of the characters of the Original Trilogy that stuck with me the most.

10.                  Did you like the sequels?

Nope not at all. TFA is nothing more than aremake of ANH with characters with a different name/colour/gender (it was likewatching the Beauty and the Beast live action remake), as for TLJ, I still don’tknow what they were trying to do. At least I had some things to say afterleaving the theatre, even though none of them were nice. It’s a Star Wars travestythinking it’s a clever film. And I’m still mad that we saw Yoda and not Obi Wanhaving a talk with Luke. I mean who better to talk about what happened but ObiWan? Especially since the same catastrophe affected the characters in such adifferent way. But no, it would have required the movie to have some substancethat was very sadly lacking.

12.                  Snoke or Palpatine?

Palpatine. I mean have you SEEN what he did tothe Galaxy? He played the game from the inside, become Supreme Chancellor then Emperorand he had corrupted the Republic so much that SENATORS applauded him when he proclaimedthe Empire!!!

14.                  Thoughts on General Hux?

He spends most of his time on screen screaming?I’m not into the sequel fandom so I don’t have to say much about him. One thingfanart made clear however is that he seems to be a cat lover, so he scorespoints.

16.                  Least favorite ships?

Ooh boy, here comes I fear some unpopular opinions:Obikin first and foremost, just NO. Obitine just doesn’t work for me, nor ObiWan/Siri Tachi, despite Ruth Baulding excellent Lineage and Legacy series. Rex/ObiI just don’t get it (not that I mind it’s just I don’t understand why Rex/Obi).

18.                  What is your favourite quote?

« Hello there! » or alternatively ObiWan and Dex : “Cloners? Are they friendly?” “Depends how good your manners are andhow big your pocket money is” It’s just so reminiscent of Obi Wan attachment tothings that are “civilised” (and Dooku attachment too), like Ok, we know moneyis what makes the world go round, but I like this idea that manners and respectare really important too. Thank the Force it’s Obi Wan who went to Kamino. Can’timagine their reactions if it had been Anakin….

20.              Sith Code or Jedi Code?

Jedi Code, wether you agree with it or not, it’sa quality food for thought and meditation.

22.              What is the saddest Star Wars scene?

DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO ASK????? Qui Gon’s death akathe scene that didn’t happen

24.              Han or Luke?

Again Luke.

26.              Favorite villain?

It’s a tie between Dooku and Palpatine. Palpatinebecause a villain of such scale and cunning is an extinct specie in blockbusterstoday and Dooku because he’s fascinating, and it gives me so much Lineage feels!AND he’s played by Christopher Lee.

28.              Do you want Rey to have a love interest?

Noper. Being asexual and seeing how the romanticrelationships are handled by Hollywood (romanticizing predatory behaviour in men,thinking that snide remarks are belligerent sexual tension, pushing characterstogether that have NO chemistry) I would prefer for Rey to be single and allowher character to have some growth on her own before being saddled in arelationship.

30.              Thoughts on Solo?

I haven’t seen it. But from the clips I’ve seen,I LOVED Lando.

32.              What is your favorite Star Wars pun?

I had to look them up, because I don’t think I’ve ever heard/seen one. The one I found genuimly funny was this one : “What did Cody say to his fellow clone when Count Dooku spotted them? “Tyranus saw us, Rex!”

34.              What is your favorite battle?

I haven’t seen TCW so I can’t say much about it (onlythe two first seasons were available on Netflix and since it isn’t in chronologicalorder, I find it very confusing and sort of gave up). So I’m gonna go with themovies. For the lightsabre battle, it’s Obi Wan vs Darth Maul in TPM.

36.              If you could be trained by Qui-Gon Jinn or Obi-Wan,who would you choose?

Obi Wan. Qui Gon would have infuriated me.

38.              Anidala or Scoundress?

Scoundress because I said earlier Anidala is notan healthy relationship.      

40.              Leia’s hair or Lando’s fashion?

Lando’s fashion. I would never wear anything asflashy as he does, but I wish I could rock the capes as he does!

42.              If you could have any creature as a pet, what wouldyou choose?

A Loth-cat.

44.              Yousa like Jar Jar?

I never really disliked him in the first place.Anakin annoyed me more than him^^.

46.              Finn or Poe?

Finn became a joke in the TLJ and seeing whatwas done to his character, I much prefer Poe, who was at least a bit morefleshed out. But I admit I don’t really care about either of them, the sequeltrilogy did nothing to make the character other things than walking/talkingtropes. And as such, I was never emotionally invested in any of them.

48.              What are your top five ships?

My OTP is QuiObi, after that, well Obidala isthe only het ship I like when it comes to Obi Wan. Then there’s Quinlan/Obi Wanbecause these two were totally in a relationship at some point or another. Finally,Han/Lando. Yes it’s only four ships but that’s it.

50.              Who is your favourite character?

Obi Wan. Hands down. Nobody comes close.